#I'm not imposing it on anyone
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We'll get sexually experienced Colin on the show and I've made my peace with that (kind of, still hate this supposed brothel scene because really...why? you can make clear he's experienced without showing me him fucking someone who's not his lead) but I'll admit I'm personally (because I need to make clear this is my opinion and I'm entitled to that, even if you think I'm dumb or wrong for having it), a little sad we won't get inexperienced Colin because that would've been cute and different than what we got on previous seasons (He really gave me major Demisexual vibes in S1, he seemed pretty reticent about romantic and sexual advancements without fully feeling sure about his feelings for the person in S1. As one myself I liked that, but alas). I'll skip the unamable scene and enjoy my babies recking havoc (and tearing clothes) in that carriage.
#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#polin#bridgerton#MY OPINION#MY THOUGHTS#MY WISHES#don't get mad at me for imagining and wanting something#I'm not imposing it on anyone#Also#since they're changing so much in the show#wouldt it be nice for us to see a couple meet each other on a more leveled ground on the wedding night?#they already changed a lot what's this one more thing#especially since it would follow up with what they themselves changed about Colin's experience
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hey uh does anyone have a recipe for Potion That Makes You Write
has anyone actually gone from not being able to write that often to a more consistent output and if so how did you do that
#writeblr#pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease#like we can wax poetic all day long about effort and mindset changes etc.#and I'm not saying I'm trying to impose crazy unrealistic word count goals or anything#but can anyone tell me actual specific steps/changes that worked for them?#like what did you actually Do
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I think Simon visually should be giving 40s Gregory Peck if you're like me and like a vintage actor for a character vibe. Possibly Jim Stewart occasionally in like his first few acting roles.
#brieuc.txt#I'm up to anyone else's thoughts and suggestions though! It's difficult finding people physically imposing enough for Simon 🤔#This is a topic that only interests me but if I don't share who else will think about it.#wonder man#simon williams
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sometimes in the fandom you see some art that is SO beautifully made but goes SO against the grain of how you perceive the drawn character(s) like I want to reblog it so much because it's so visually gorgeous and the artist is amazing and deserves to know this but I'll fucking die before letting that particular interpretation of the character(s) anywhere near my blog
#personal#don't take it as vagueposting#it's about A LOT of art I've seen over the years and I just got reminded of some of it#fandoms in general tend to take the characterization of nuanced characters in certain very specific direction#that irritates me to an absolutely unreasonable degree#and I don't want to rain on anyone's parades#it's fandom and it's for fun there is no way to enjoy your fictional guys wrong#so I mostly keep silent about it#but given sufficient time pretty much every fandom drifts into the state where I can't engage with it#without seeing red like three posts into the tag#even the art tag#and I feel so weird sitting there with my different perception#pretty isolated#which is self-imposed and not exactly bad but still weird#luckily I have some close friends that I can still have in-depth discussions abt the media and characters with#but online fandoming eventually gets blood-boiling rather than fulfilling#which is especially idk weird?#given that I'm mostly drawing fandom stuff#and I kinda SHOULD be interacting with the fandom#and I'd love to have talks of those fictional guys#they are great guys and I love to talk about them#but then I poke my nose into the fandom and my blood gets boiling#it's weird being a fandom artist outside of the fandom is what I'm saying xD#especially once you get used to the boost of motivation and productivity that comes from being in the fandom#and I kinda miss that but also well nothing to be done about that#don't mind me and sorry for the rant
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If good and evil did exist as immutable forces (a la Gary Gygaxian-style alignment chart) and as attributes of personhood irrespective of actions one takes upon the world what's the foundational tenet of each? Is good about striving to help others and evil about indifference to the suffering of others? Or is speaking purely about outlook rather than actions, does evil necessitate some sort of active malice? Or is it better to just throw the words out there and let them be interpreted however by whoever?
#see yes the alignment chart is bullshit and not how people work BUT ALSO imposing alignment change on characters is fun as hell for everyone#and what are we here for if not fun?#so trying to decide how i feel about making good and evil exist as objective forces in my next game as intrinsic parts of one's personhood#hey anyone want to play a post-not-nuclear-but-some-magical-equivalent-fallout type campaign in a magical-radiation irradiated city?#see there'll be a bait-and-switch which i'm spoiling right now where it'll seem to be about a conspiracy but it's actually about vampires#dungeons and dungeons
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See, the problem is I'm so into "Imposing bruiser is utterly smitten for this one sunshine who's secretly feral" but it's so close yet slightly off to a popular archetype that I never get it.
#it DEPENDS on the more imposing respecting the sunshine more than anyone and the sunshine being way more into the evil than they look#don't turn it into an asshole next to a whimpering piece of blank cardboard#zelgan#tigerfire#kacchako#<< each of which i'm into some fanon but some of it's just Not For Me
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well.
I'm 30.
#one minute ago#damn I really REALLY thought I'd have my life more together#I mean to be real I 10000% did not expect to live until 30 good grief#but in my day dreams of 'what I might have been like if I lived to be an adult' this was not it#not still living like an emancipated minor in a 1 1/2 that's not even official it's more of a charity by the people who own the garage#that it's built in#not remembering to eat every day and eating the same 'gotta eat something' random assortment of whatever is in the cabinets#that I've been eating since I was 4#still working 4 jobs and not having my phd yet#literally never gone on one date and still feel too young for a relationship because I don't ever EVER want to be that guy#who doesn't know how to do anything and expects their partner to take care of them#I can barely do laundry and I straight up refuse to do dishes#I buy paper plates and cups#I'm not going to impose that on anyone#I keep thinking when I grow up I can have a relationship but I'm not old enough yet#but buddy I'm a freaking grown up now#30 is no joke#it's official#I just suck.#it's not about age its about being a garbage person#like i would never ever EXPECT my partner to take care of me but in practical terms I would fail at keeping the house clean#and they would pick up the slack becuase they don't want to live in a trash hole and would get mad and/or bitter with me for making them#living alone my bad choices only effect me#when i've lived with roommates in the past this has always been a key point of breakdown#even when I've tried to be extra dilligent I would forget a glass somewhere becuase I planned to reuse it and my roomate would wash it#and be mad that I felt entitled and expected them to clean up after me when I absolutly did NOT in fact I was horrified#that they needed to clean something up after me- I just simply lost track of it. and that was 10000% unfun for everyone involved#I was ashamed 100% of the time and they felt used 100% of the time and no one had a good time
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So, I've got this KafHoshi fic I'm working on and it's starting to turn into a, like, 5 + 1 scenarios kinda fic in the vaguest sense of the situation. Which means I need to come up with senarios about Hoshina falling head over heels for Kafka and I listened to Super Massive Black Hole by Muse, immediately followed by Landmines by Sum 41 and all I could think about for a day was a situation where Kafka had a "Homer learns the bass" moment in his teens and his mom or cousin or something was cleaning out an old storage container and sent him his old bass guitar.
Not to overindulge, but basically my mind wouldn't let go of the image of Kafka singing SMBH, but in his Kaiju voice, which then morphed into Iharu begging on hands and knees asking if Kafka could learn the bass line to Landmines and be the bass to his lead guitar and play the song on his birthday in front of the Third Division with him.
And THEN my brain was like....
"Ok, but a Saturday morning cartoon about A rock band getting mystical guitars that transform them into humanoid Kaijus with super powers so now they fight crime just because and they have to keep the identity a secret from the police and Dollar Store Iharu leads the team and in the first episode show starts off with the band needing a new bass player so they start tryouts and a Kafka-like character shows up and the whole team isn't impressed with him until he starts playing an absolute sick riff and they let him join and DS Iharu's dad is the band's manager and he's a shit dad but he knows about he Kaiju Guitars/private hero identity thing (Cuz' he's the one networking the media to help keep it a secret) and there's a side plot about Kafka the Bass player becoming DS Iharu'd Better Dad and Reno's there too, but he's the "No enthusiasm" Guitar seller that sold them their mystic guitars and he had no idea about what the guitars do and the team rope him in once he and the rest find out KnockOff Reno had been chosen to help the people that became bestowed with the Kaiju Guitars and now KnockOff Reno is the team's Guy-In-The-Chair and HE gets his OWN character arc and him and Dollar Store Iharu start to fall in love and then you find out that Kafka had a secret love child that he didn't know about and then spend a season off screen fighting for custody and I've given this way too much thought already but doesn't it sound REALLY COOL because I could see it becoming one of those cult classic shows that were only made to sell toys, but it became one of the few that managed to transcend beyond that..."
It's never going to happen. but I do agree with myself.
#All because I wanted Kaiju mouthed Kafka to serenade Hoshina#My brain's usually like this so I'm not surprised this is in the back logs of my head now.#like this gives me either 6teen/Symbionic Titan/Motorcity animation vibes. leaning toward Motorcity.#fic is STILL not getting worked on.#but now I have more material for it.#It just sounds like the typical Made For KIds formula that inadvertently ages like fine wine#and as you become an adult and watch it again you notice the deep and complex themes that it had#and you appreciate it more because of it and it makes you miss that period of time where Kid shows didn't shy away from pulling punches.#I grew up on self imposed Avatar/Daria reruns every summer vacation does it show?#kaiju no. 8#kafka hibino#soshiro hoshina#kafhoshi#kn8#hoshikaf#kaiju no 8#The image of 1)#Iharu headbanging to Landmines#and 2)#Kafka and Iharu standing Back to Back while shredding on guitars#haven't left my mind for two days now.#Its the last song anyone thinks of that's head banging worthy#I do it every time/ worry about me if I don't
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alastor is always in drag. to me.
#hazbin hotel alastor#transmasc lesbian who passed because it was easier to pass as a man than a woman and afford him more opportunities#loved to lord over the fact that he was a better man than the majority of men were and was constantly imposing higher standards on his peer#while it matters less to pass in hell he's having a fun time expressing himself and having fun with how he presents (hence the makeup)#divorced himself from womanhood but finds that he really enjoys dressing as a drag queen from a trans perspective#also gets a huge kick out of a woman in drag treating him as a woman while he's in drag (our date night consists of me pampering him#and picking a fight with anyone who looks at him in a way I don't like. I get act like a short stack king with a cigar and everything.#vox happens upon us and I'm like no. absolutely not. take my coat dear.)
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Having a different opinion on a fictional character is fine. Expressing distaste is fine. What isn’t, is expressing that distaste in a way were your opinions are the default best ones to have and that others who don’t think so, have their own opinions also, are wrong and inferior, clearly not enjoying it with the level of taste you say you have.
And then to try and claim it as a joke and try to still befriend people with those opinions, to say ‘oh, but it wasn’t directed at you specifically’, that still targets a demographic of people? A joke becomes not a joke when the people involved are unaware and the target, it’s not a playful jab but just. An insult, not even disguised. No matter how vague you think you put it it still targets people who have done nothing, who haven't forced their ideas on others. And if you can’t take that people will disagree with your own opinions and point out this flaw in thinking then why should you criticise others. Why should you use your status as someone who draws fictional characters as a way to gratify your need to always feel justified in a place where people can take as much free reign as they'd like because everything is so. Vague.
#claiming it was all in my head is such a horrible thing to say#lying that you were sorry for vagueposting. doing the same thing again#you claim 'well it's only puppets' then why do you care so much to critique so harshly-#why do your friends do such backhanded things with no consequence#i want to rip myself apart because i feel insane#i swear this is wrong. i swear you are lying. you can't trick me into thinkig i wasn't#the way i spoke was wrong but everything i say i mean.#it's unfair. it's so unfair. the way you can get away with being like this#yet i can't express my love for one of the only things that cares for me without getting hurt by a random#who thinks fanon = fact and that it's okay to impose your own headcanons on someone else. that loving them any other way is wrong#and it makes you uncomfortable. why didn't YOU just block and not say anything? why are you allowed.#why did YOU leave a 'big ass paragraph' apologising self-deprecatingly#before doing the same thing again because i am powerless to stop you. it's just puppets and it's all in my head.#my mind is melting i am unmedicated and scared#i keep replaying those words in my head and although i'm getting over it. i've done well for myself#i can't believe a fandom made for creativity is so unkind to anyone outside their circle of what they've decided is right and wrong#i'm so sorry that i talk about this so often. i just want my words to stick in any way#and if i don't get them out they stay in my head and i believe i really am just making it all up. i need to be believed and not waved away#i might delete this later. i wrote this when i was having a manic attack [manic panic episode??]
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my mum singing jingle bells downstairs :
my immediate visceral reaction : UUUGGGGHHHHAAAARRRGGHHH
#bee blabs#i like to embody “<3 !!!” as much as possible here#but boy irl i am the hugest grump#i hate literally everything with the exception of my hand picked tiny set of beloved things/ppl#and holidays are the fucking worst#not only do i live in fuckass nowhere and they hold way less hype than they do elsewhere#but the novelty of all holidays are so past dead to me that there's rly no point#like- i only celebrate xmas atp bc everyone else (my extended family in particular) forces me to#if it were my choice i'd be at home doing absolutely fucking nothing#no holiday holds any appeal to me anymore and i could live without them#a 'holiday' to me is a break from the grind and that's rly it#so wild i have this opinion but prolly will still wish all my lovely friends a merry xmas#AND i'm doing the shadamy secret santa#AND THE BEE FICS COUNTDOWN OMG I FORGOT MY OWN EVENT#i have many Juxtapositions and Nuances fight me#i live by the rules of 'even tho it's not for me i won't impose on anyone else's enjoyment of said thing'#and yk what ? everyone lives happier that way
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Chambers (2019) | episode five: "murder on my mind"
"i'm sorry. i..." "i don't blame you."
#chambersedit#chambers#sasha yazzie#elliot lefevre#tj locklear#yvonne perkins#nancy lefevre#i'm not giving ruth a tag#i realize the 10 gif limit is self-imposed but i spent so much time having to refrain from adding like six extra gifs#just for the scenes of sasha and elliot in the trailer and the car#also i mean this platonically but he loves her ur honor#literally that last gif of him is just him being like 'yeah okay i'm keeping her'#sasha: apologizes once (1) and believes him when he tells her what happened#elliot: i have had her for five minutes but if anyone hurt her#yes i am going to be making a gifset later of all the times elliot was concerned about sasha#anyway next ep is the last ep i'm semi-normal about#it's all downhill from there
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You ever have a fellow mentally ill person basically call you ableist for not being able to be there for them anymore?
Like, my brother in christ, we are both suffering here. What am I supposed to do? Prioritize only you and hurt myself?
Guilting me (and my friends) by saying your disorder "isn't pretty enough for you" is accusatory and manipulative. I̲t̲'̲s̲ ̲n̲o̲t̲ ̲t̲h̲e̲ ̲t̲r̲u̲t̲h̲. It's only hurtful, and doesn't make helping you any easier.
It doesn't matter if your disorder is stigmatized; you don't get to start basically implying people are ableist for not being able to constantly be tolerant and be supportive of you.
People run out of spoons! People have other shit going on outside of you!! OTHER PEOPLE ARE ALSO DISABLED BY THEIR MENTAL ILLNESSES!!
If they leave, it's not because your disorder is "ugly." It's because they have their own priorities.
#caster speaks#I don't care who sees this#not even the person I'm talking about#they can be angry about it#they wrote an entire poem. I can write vagueposts on tumblr.#vent#mental health#ableism#depression#PDD#Persistent depressive disorder#how do you fumble the bag with so many people who genuinely wanted to see you get better#oh wait! Accuse them of rushing you and putting expectations on you and also being ableist#even though two of those things were self imposed by your own image of others#I am bitter as fuck but I do hopethings go well for them#I did not bust my ass for literaly years to quit wanting a motherfucker's mental health journey to go good#I swear to god though#if they and the people who defend them keep ignoring all the shit people went through#or excusing their actions#on the grounds of trauma#except for when literally anyone else does shit because of trauma and distress#like damn at least do both#and quit calling people abusers too when you literally implode when it's aimed back at you#both members of a party can be abusive#did malachite teach you nothing#bruh#I'm so fucking tired#I needed to just scream all of this out so I can finally be left ALONE in my own head#AAAAAAAAAAUGHHHhhh#self victimizing
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I know people say Anton is a bear and I love bears as much as the next person, but I think that's a stereotype - give me that deep-voiced Slavic twink!
#redacted asmr#redacted audio#this is a joke#a joke#not imposing on anyone's headcanons obviously#I'm not even saying this is mine#I just think it's funny
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a168fd4155766ed4fcc69b2c17b85ae5/3c0acb925f0fded5-32/s540x810/c5c1acd97af756452e812e2e33f099e7ea5f2378.jpg)
I'll stop posting wips eventually but it's been five days since I've said anything and I don't want anyone to think I'm dead/dying/stuck in a ditch and withering away, so here's 10% of the reason I disappeared (the duck is stuck in rendering hell) (and my little baby laptop is screaming at me every time I open up this file)
I might still be mostly lurking for a little bit so please be patient with me in the meantime 🙏🙏
#seriously though I'm sorry for just up and disappearing like that#wanna talk to people and interact with them so bad lately but I just can't bring myself to do it#so the best i can manage is blabbing in the tags like always#i don't know wtf is going on but over the past few days I've just felt like i don't deserve to talk to anyone#tried to reblog posts from mutuals several times but something in my head keeps saying;#'yeah they don't actually care for your input at all and you're being a bother for even trying etc etc'#and i know deep down that's probably not true (i hope) but i can't reason it away you know#and i know the best solution to this is to just talk to someone#let it be known that i *did* make an attempt to#i tried texting someone (and succeeded) but i couldn't keep doing it and I'm back at square one (and now feel worse lmao)#i'm not really putting this here for anybody to see it as much as i am for myself#but i know that (hypothetically) this could be seen by a real human so it still kinda feels like I'm reaching out in a way which feels nice#makes me feel less like I'm shriveling up in my own self imposed solitude#so uh hello person who might be reading the tags (there's six of you guys here now which is crazy cause i post nothing but junk here lol)#((but thanks anyway for following and even more thanks for reading this if you did))#i'll make my way around all the posts i missed soon enough don't worry#i'm sorry i'm really not meaning to ignore anybody#i have drafted quite a few posts from moots that i couldn't finish leaving comments on but i have seen them#everyone here is super cool and talented as always <3 whether that be through art or writing or just finding neat posts to share#this wall of text is long enough and i'm very eeby so thank you again for reading this#tldr; not dead and i'll be okay eventually :)#not rb#hey look i didn't post a picture of my dog this time (a crime)#i'll make sure to share one the next time i get a good one
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i live with two flatmates (women) and one of them very often brings her guy friends over (we don't have a living room, the shared space is a small kitchen), and it irritates me so much at times cause i don't want men in my space ?? And most time they stay in her room, but still just knowing they're here is annoying, but sometimes they stay in the kitchen and I feel like I can't go there kinda. And tonight there is two or three of them, and i can't hear my flatmates voice so maybe she's not here (???) and they're in the kitchen, i can't go and fix myself something without having to get exposed to them (i only befriended, slightly, one of them). Also, earlier, (cause they've been around all day)i came across one while wearing a croptop and panties, and i myself don't care, but i hope he felt awkward !!
#it's just a rant#but it's insane to me that you'd impose that on anyone#she never tells us beforehand#the other flatmate s friend with them as well#but like i alway tell them when i have someone over#anyway i'm angry#i'll tell her sth i think cause that's too much
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