#sasha: apologizes once (1) and believes him when he tells her what happened

[addictsitter]

Chambers (2019) | episode five: "murder on my mind"

"i'm sorry. i..." "i don't blame you."

[ushittyoldman]

nobody’s fault but mine (pt. 2)

Levi wouldn’t really be Levi if he knew how to handle his intense feelings for you.

pairing. levi x fem!reader AND a little bit of jean x fem!reader (b/c once again i am a slut 4 jean too)

warnings. some fluff, language (b prepared for a lot of the f-bomb)

a/n. hi sorry 4 the long wait, life is a little hectic rn (it’s snowing n our power has been going out on n off for the past few days lmfao also school b lowkey kicking my ass) BUT i wanted 2 say thank u so so much 4 all ur feedback to part 1 it was so so so unexpected n sweet n flattering i literally still can’t wrap my head around it. i would rly appreciate some feedback 2 this one too since this is A LOT more levi n i actually adored writing him but i would luv 2 know what u guys think of my characterization of him (im a little nervy) but yes feedback is encouraged! this is kinda long but a lot happens so i rly hope u guys appreciate this n enjoy it bc it took me so long 2 write n rewrite it heheheh (side note 4 the sake of age n everything, all the 104th cadets r actually 18+ including our cute lil reader) also! pls continue 2 request more levi ok that’s it 4 now enjoy!

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”

“Jean!”

The hushed voices stirred you out of the pleasant state of unconsciousness you had been in. A sharp pain shot through your head as you slowly opened your eyes, blinking quickly to adjust to the bright light. You flexed your fingers subtly as an attempt to gain awareness of yourself and your surroundings. Once you were comfortable, you slowly turned your head to your right and saw a scene you had grown painfully familiar with– Jean arguing with someone. The victim of the week was Armin, and you almost wanted to laugh at the quick back-and-forth between the two.

“Your bedside manner… sucks,” you managed to mumble. You cringed at the uncharacteristic hoarseness of your voice.

“There she is!” Jean exclaimed, shooting a victorious smirk at Armin, before fondly looking down at you, as he moved closer to your side.

You heard multiple gasps of your name, and you quickly turned your head to your left, before regretting it due to the sharp pang that followed in your head. Nevertheless, you mustered up as bright a smile as you could, looking at your friends who had all taken various positions throughout the room. Eren was the first to your bed, embracing you tightly.

“That was scary,” he softly mumbled your name, before pulling back, “Don’t do that again.”

The concern on his face startled you momentarily, and you couldn’t help but avert your eyes. You blinked quickly before looking up and shyly smiling at Eren.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

You then looked up at your fellow cadets, who stood surrounding your small bed in the infirmary. Your love for these people sat heavily in your chest, and you beamed up at them, before you realized you were in the infirmary.

“What happened?” you genuinely asked, your husky voice taking you by surprise again.

“Oh, I’ll tell you what happened!” Jean scowled, crossing his arms in anger, “That little bastard—”

“Jean, you can’t say that about the Captain!” Sasha chided, looking sideways in fear as if to emphasize her point.

“Captain, my ass!”

You attempted to stifle your giggling, yet your mood significantly dropped upon remembering Levi’s treatment towards you this past month. You tried to conceal your obviously bothered expression, but you felt a hand softly ruffle your hair. You looked up and smiled at Reiner.

“Don’t sweat it, kiddo, I’m sure he’ll tone down the punishments after this,” he reassured, obviously mistaking your dejection over your unreciprocated feelings for Levi for something else.

Appreciating the gesture, you continued to smile up at him while nodding softly. Reiner had a comforting presence, and you felt your mood brighten slightly.

“Fingers crossed,” you deadpanned, earning a soft laugh from Bertholdt, who had taken a seat at the foot of your bed.

Jean’s relentless bashing of the Captain continued, as Sasha, Connie, and Armin attempted to calm him down, warning him about the consequences they’d all have to face if word got back to Levi. Eren gritted his teeth in irritation, as he glared up at Jean, threatening to “knock him out if he didn’t shut up,” while Mikasa had silently moved around the chaos to rest her calloused hand on your own, silently squeezing as a gesture of comfort. You squeezed back.

“Look, all I’m saying is he obviously has it out for her. She’s a better soldier than all of us– even you, titan boy— and it’s still not good enough? I call bullshit!”

“I think he’s just trying to be a good teacher, I’m sure there’s a lot I can still improve on,” you justified, and all eyes turned to you.

“There’s not,” Mikasa bluntly stated, leaving no room for argument.

Your friends all agreed, and you scrunched your nose playfully to conceal the warmth that had spread throughout your body at their praise. You worked hard to get where you were– there was a satisfaction in knowing that all of your effort wasn’t going unacknowledged.

“Jean-boy’s right—”

“Bastard!”

“—Captain Levi has been unnecessarily cruel to her, and we’ve all noticed it!” Eren’s fists clenched in anger as he ignored Jean’s yelling.

“But the Captain isn’t the type to hold grudges or act impulsively, so I think there’s something deeper to it,” Armin reasoned, apologetically glancing at you in case his words offended you.

You nodded softly, not wanting to worsen your headache; however, it didn’t really matter when Jean’s painfully loud voice retaliated almost immediately.

“He overworked her to the point of her passing out from exhaustion and severe dehydration!” His eyebrows furrowed in anger, and his sandy brown hair bounced with his every move.

You winced from the pain in your head, and the movement didn’t go unnoticed by Reiner, who glanced at you from where he stood.

“Jean— inside voice, yeah?” Reiner softly spoke, subtly tilting his head down towards you. Jean’s gaze softened and concern replaced the anger on his contorted features, as he apologized to you.

“Yeah, seriously, what are you getting so worked up for?” Connie innocently asked, before a knowing look crossed his features. He turned to his partner-in-crime, and the two donned shit-eating grins as they turned back to Jean.

“Right, that’s why.”

Bertholdt, whose lanky body had been horizontally lying across the bed comfortably, sat up onto his elbows and cluelessly asked, “What’s why?”

Sasha’s smile widened, and she crossed her arms, mimicking Connie’s knowing smirk. “It’s because Jean-boy, here, is sweet on our dear little—”

“Would you shut up!” Jean yelled louder than before, fists shaking in anger. His face was flushed an impossible shade of red, and you would’ve joined in on the laughter, had your head not exploded from the pain.

You were fully aware of the incessant teasing Jean received regarding his relationship with you, and you would honestly be lying if you said you didn’t get a kick out of it as well. Deciding to spare your friend today, you sent a good-natured smile to him, hoping that would be enough to quell his frustration.

Had you not turned to converse with Eren, you wouldn’t have missed Jean’s dazed smile.

While talking to Eren, your mind briefly drifted to Levi and the situation that was weighing heavily on you. You didn’t want to believe that the Captain hated you– you desperately grasped onto your excuse that he was simply a harsh teacher. And yet, you knew there was something more to it.

In a panic-driven moment, you momentarily wondered if he had somehow found out about your feelings for him. You remembered him telling you about his upbringing— you knew better than most that Levi and confessions of love did not go together... at all. Before you could further dig yourself deeper into the pitiful hole you had been in the past month, a painfully familiar voice broke through your intrusive thoughts.

“You know how loud you are? This isn’t a damn daycare.”

“Sir!”

All conversation in the room came to an abrupt halt. You couldn’t help but grow amused at the sight of Eren and Bertholdt scrambling off your bed to stand and salute their superior. Your small smile was wiped off your face when your eyes met stormy grey ones. You quickly looked down, before inhaling quickly and swiftly pulling your bedsheets back. You attempted to muster as much strength as you could, ignoring the multiple eyes on you. You gracefully stood up from the bed, and turned to Levi, managing the salute as well. You slowly looked up at him.

“Sir,” you shakily mumbled, internally cringing once again at the uncharacteristic rasp to your voice.

You received proud looks of admiration from your friends, though Jean’s remained more concerned than proud. Idiot! he thought to himself. We know you’re strong, now’s not the time to prove it!

Levi, meanwhile, had tried his very best to suppress the guilt that had been eating away at him for the past day; however, it had only worsened when he saw you and heard your weak voice. Upon making eye contact with you, he almost wanted to fall to his knees and apologize profusely for everything he had put you through, audience be damned. 

Levi had spent the better half of the day pacing around your room in the infirmary wing of the Scout Regiment’s base, lost deeply in his thoughts, as his concern for you weighed heavily in his heart. After a few more hours of pacing, he had finally come to the conclusion that he was an idiot (a grade A, unique brand of idiot all in a league of his very own), and that he was in love with you.

Where the first realization annoyed him to high heaven, the second one brought him a sense of peace that was only heightened every time he had looked at your unconscious form.

Levi, uncomfortable with the amount of self-actualizing he had done that day, had left the room after softly caressing your cheek, hoping to convey all of his guilt and apologies and love into the simple gesture. Once he was away from the infirmary wing of the base, he inhaled deeply, itching for the comfort of a cup of warm tea. On his way to the mess hall, he had passed by your friends from the 104th, all undoubtedly on their way to see you. Levi’s eyebrow had slightly risen upon noticing the varying looks of defiance and anger on each of their faces. He had remained unfazed, his half-lidded eyes looking away, as if he hadn’t even seen them at all.

Somehow, it was harder to face them now with you standing amongst them. 

His face retained its usual impassive and bored expression, yet it momentarily faltered when he noticed you slightly stumble from where you were standing next to the hospital bed. Levi’s heartbeat quickened, and he made a subtle move to rush over to you to catch you for the second time that day, but Jean was quicker. The taller man had been keeping a watchful eye on you, and had quickly dropped his salute to stand behind you and steady your slightly uncoordinated form. You comfortably relaxed backwards into his arms as you sent a grateful smile up at him, and he softly smiled back in response, leading you back to the bed.

Levi was both relieved and a little fucking pissed off.

“Visiting hours are over— I need to talk to the brat,” he lazily said, authority ringing loudly and clearly in his command.

For the first time in all his years of captaining the scouts, there was a quick hesitation after his command.

Levi raised an unamused eyebrow at each of the cadets, silently challenging them to disobey him. Despite his threatening aura, he wouldn’t blame any of your friends if they were to defy Levi. The Captain deserved it for his treatment of you— he’d take it like a man.

Your eyes widened in surprise when your friends subtly glanced at you, silently asking if it was okay to leave you alone with him. Upon hearing Levi’s request to talk to you, your heart had begun to uncontrollably race and you swore you could feel it in your throat. You were disappointed in yourself for growing excited at finally being able to talk to him. 

Blinking quickly, your cheeks grew hot under everyone’s gazes, so you reassuringly smiled at your eight friends, and you once again felt the genuine love you had for them erupt within your heart. 

Ever the peacemaker of the group, Armin signaled for the rest to follow him out of the room, and they each uncertainly walked behind him. Mikasa squeezed your hand once more before following closely behind Eren, who sent you an encouraging smile. Bertholdt subtly sent a thumbs up to you, while Reiner winked at you as he looked over his broad shoulder. Your smile widened; however, it faltered when your eyes met Jean’s. His irritated expression worried you, yet before you could respond, he turned away and walked past Levi.

Levi had to give it to Jean— not many people had the balls to openly glare at the Captain.

Once everyone was gone, the tension within the room increased tenfold. You looked at Levi, and you bit your lip in contemplation, anticipating what he would say. Many thoughts rang through your head.

Was it another punishment? Was he going to yell at me? Did he find out about my fee–

“How do you feel?”

You almost had to pinch yourself. After one month of barely any interactions with your friend— if you were still even allowed to call him that— you realized how starved you were for pleasant conversation with Levi.

“I’ve been better,” you breathed out, still cautious. “How… how do you feel?”

Even after such an unpleasant experience, your unwavering kindness shone just as brightly. Levi’s heart ached so sweetly, and he internally groaned upon realizing how fucking whipped he was.

He silently stepped forward, pulling a seat to the side of your bed. Once he was seated, Levi looked into your eyes, and you felt your breath hitch at the intensity of the swirl of emotions dancing within his normally cold eyes. He exhaled softly.

You noticed how tired he looked.

“Just peachy.”

There was a pregnant pause, and you came to realize that there was just too much you wanted to say to him, and you didn’t know where to start. Your soft eyes held his sharp gaze.

“You scared the shit out of me, brat.”

Your heart involuntarily skipped a beat, and your eyes widened in response.

“I did?” you internally slapped yourself at your stupid response.

“Yeah. You did.”

“Sorry, sir,” you softly mumbled.

“Levi… just Levi.”

The Levi in front of you was a completely different man from the one who you’ve had the pleasure of interacting with over the past month. You thought back to your friends and their anger at your mistreatment, and you thought of the many unfair punishments, cold shoulder treatments, and overworking during training (despite you being second only to Humanity’s Strongest, himself). Slowly, your incredulity at being treated like a lapdog began to dim and was replaced by your growing indignation. Though you were no stranger to standing up for yourself, you still felt your anxiety skyrocket as you looked back up at your superior.

“Do you hate me, Captain? Did I… did I do something?”

And there it was.

Levi knew the question would come up at some point, and yet he still felt ill-prepared in his response. He knew this was a big step for you— in the whole year that he’s gotten to know you, he learned how much you hated confrontation. You blatantly ignoring his request and choosing to address him by his title caught his attention, and he frowned. When he looked into your slightly watery eyes, a warmth spread throughout his chest, and he had to clear his throat.

“Don’t say shit like that, you haven’t done anything.”

Levi wanted to punch himself— he was never good with words.

You, however, weren’t fazed by the manner in which he spoke. You had fallen for the man, harsh words and all.

“Then why have you—” you paused as you momentarily lost your voice.

Levi thought it was cute (to be fair, he found everything about you endearing), yet he knew it would be inappropriate to openly admire you when you were so clearly upset with him.

“Sorry,” you grew embarrassed and licked your lips, “It’s just… well, why have you been ignoring me? And— and yelling at me? We stopped drinking tea together, and practicing in the forests. You don’t even acknowledge me when I talk to you! I’m sure you have a really good reason, sir, but I just—”

Levi detested the sick feeling of guilt that churned within his heart. In hindsight, he really should’ve thought it through before he began his little plan of distancing himself from you. How else was he supposed to tell you oh, everyone in the fucking Scout Regiment wants you, and so do I, but I haven’t done anything about it because I’m a pussy, so I just decided to take it out on you and wallow in my own self-pity like the sad little man I am, without sounding like he was deranged.

“—I just miss you.”

Levi’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, and his breath hitched. This time it was the sincerity in your eyes that made him look away quickly.

“I…”

I’ve missed you too, dammit.

At his lack of a response, your eyebrows furrowed, and your irritation grew. Your small hands balled the soft bedsheet, and you swallowed to soften the burn in your throat before speaking.

“Why did you even come here?” you scoffed indignantly, attempting to mask your hurt, “Was it to just to yell at me some more? Oh, I know! Maybe I need to run through training ten more times again, right?”

The guilt churned even more in his chest, and Levi seriously wanted to punch himself. He willed himself to say something— anything— but he felt speechless in front of you.

“Levi,” you hoarsely spoke with desperation, and he looked into your watery eyes. “Say something, please.”

It was as if you had read his mind, and a slight feeling of reassurance quelled the storm in his heart; you really were the only one for him. As he met your eyes— your beautiful, enchanting eyes— he felt his self-hatred skyrocket at the amount of hurt in them. He had grown used to seeing them filled with humor, kindness, and a soft edge that was rare to find nowadays. Yet seeing them filled with such pain and hurt was unsettling, and Levi went mute for the fifth time that day.

You nodded in understanding when he failed to say anything, and your heart clenched. Jean had been right— you were nothing more than a lovesick puppy. You blinked quickly as a poor attempt to conceal your tears, yet nothing ever escaped the Captain’s attention.

His gaze softened, and Levi found out something else about himself— he really didn’t like seeing you cry.

“Shit, please don’t cry,” he tenderly mumbled, as he leaned closer to you and gently cupped your face to wipe away your tears with the pads of his thumb. 

Your breath hitched and your full lips involuntarily parted. You relished in the warmth of his touch, and you wanted nothing more than to lean into his comforting hand. Your name fell from his lips, and you felt yourself come back to reality. Remembering just how you had gotten into this situation, you decided to stand your ground. Despite everything in your body begging to give in and accept this moment with the Captain, you stood unwavering in your decision.

You gently grabbed his large hand with both your hands, and moved it away from your face and into your lap. You held it there loosely and delicately rubbed your fingers over his hand soothingly before eventually stopping, and looking back up at him.

His usual bored expression was long gone, and in its place was a very tender and vulnerable expression. A storm was brewing in his grey eyes, and you distantly remembered stargazing once with him. You had desperately wished you could read his thoughts— somehow, you had found his daunting eyes more fascinating than the starry sky. You felt an ache in your heart at the intimate memories, and you really really wished Levi loved you the way you love him.

“You know what, Levi? It doesn’t even matter if you hate me, because—” you inhaled sharply. 

This has to be done, you reassured yourself, or else you’d be subjecting yourself to an onslaught of hurt and heartbreak. 

“—Because I hate you.”

Your lip quivered and your broken voice faltered. And of course, Levi noticed.

His eyes darted down to your lips at the slight movement. His hands had stilled, and he decided that getting eaten by a damn titan would be much less painful than this.

And then he’s looking at you. You looked back at him, yet he’s looking at you— through you— in that way that makes you want to hide and hold your ground at the same time.

“Right,” Levi drawled, and you knew he didn’t believe you (hell, you were unconvinced yourself). His eyes reverted back to their cold nature, and he ran a hand through his hair, allowing the silky strands to softly land against his forehead.

He stood up, and wordlessly gave you a onceover. Under his scrutiny, you felt yourself grow insecure, but deep down you desperately hoped he’d stay. You bit your bottom lip in apprehension, and Levi’s eyes softened at the sight of your nervous habit.

How is it that he could kill titans all the livelong day yet when it came to this sweet girl, so small and disarming, he couldn’t even utter a single word?

Levi had never felt more pathetic. He peered down at you, momentarily debating whether it would be right for him to attempt one last thing before finally deciding fuck it, and gently cupping your cheek for the third time that day, bending down, and pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. He gingerly inhaled your enticing scent, appreciating how even after the hell he had put you through, you still smelled so alluring.

You were positive that Levi could hear your heartbeat. You blinked many times in disbelief, as he pulled away and sent one last lingering gaze down at you. 

Levi slightly smirked at the pretty blush that had colored your cheeks, his half-lidded eyes drinking in the mesmerizing sight of you sitting up in your bed and gaping up at him, your cheeks flushed and wet with the remnants of your tears. He turned around and silently left the room. 

He had ignored every part of his body that begged him to stay.

▲▼▲

“Shut up, I can barely hear them!”

“Ow— Bertholdt, you’re stepping on my foot!”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Watch it, horse face!”

“Eren.”

“You piece of shit, I’m—”

The piece of bread that had been tightly held in Sasha’s grip suddenly fell to the floor. Everyone went silent.

“Holy shit, I think… I think he just kissed her.”

Jean really hoped Sasha was wrong. 

He decided to ignore the fact that her freakishly good hearing bordered on supernatural, so there was really no way she could’ve been wrong with a mere wooden door standing between her and the conversation.

“I knew there was something going on between them! Reiner— pay up.”

Reiner muttered several curses under his breath as he pulled out a hefty stack of cash from his pocket. Connie’s grin widened.

Armin had glanced up at Jean, slightly alarmed at the dark expression on his face. Before he could comfort his friend, the door suddenly opened. Everyone scrambled to straighten themselves up, attempting to act like they hadn’t been just eavesdropping on the entire conversation between you and the Captain.

A chorus of sir’s rang throughout the large hallway, and Levi grew amused at the sight before him. His lips twitched upwards, and the cadets had to almost physically stop their mouths from dropping open at the sight. Levi’s ghost of a smile disappeared when his eyes met Jean’s seething ones.

The two held each other’s gazes, Levi’s expression being cool, while Jean’s had been irritated. Levi was not a fucking idiot; he knew the kid was in love with you.

Join the fucking club.

Levi, realizing that this was the exact reason he had gotten himself into that mess with you and not really wanting to sour his somewhat good mood, looked away from Jean to nod at the group of your friends.

“As you were.”

He brushed past Jean, his gaze as intimidating as ever, as he silently walked down the hallway. Jean’s fists clenched tightly. Once Levi had turned the corner, the group exploded into chatter, their reactions varying from stunned to adoring.

Jean really really fucking hoped Sasha was wrong.

▲▼▲

Your horse trotted proudly through the vast landscape, the wind blew through your open hair, your friends teased each other amicably, and your excitement grew at finally being cleared to join the scouts on their next expedition. Though you hadn’t been getting much sleep lately, and you’ve been a little too preoccupied to eat much, nothing could bring your mood down at this moment.

You were alongside your friends as you all followed the section commanders as their horses galloped into the edge of the forest. The mission for today was to exterminate any titans who had wandered too close to the walls. A simple mission, and you were more than capable.

You had been in a great mood.

Until your eyes landed on Levi.

He had been further up, leading his own squad. He had turned around to respond to Gunther, and that’s when his eyes had met yours. Your internal conflict grew, and you ultimately ended up averting your eyes and ignoring him, deciding to maintain your cold treatment towards him. 

Him kissing your head had only further confused you, despite the sweet butterflies you felt every time you thought back to it. Levi’s treatment towards you had unexpectedly changed since that day in the infirmary, and it had reverted to the way it was before his sudden aversion to you, though there was something much sweeter in his actions. You swore you were getting whiplash.

Though he had been significantly kinder to you, you had held your ground, unrelenting in your declaration. Part of you was terrified that if you gave in and became comfortable, he’d suddenly return back to the yelling, the punishments, and the overworking. Part of you also didn’t want to face reality— your feelings were unreciprocated, and they would only serve to bring you a world of heartache and sadness.

Your cold shoulder towards him was nothing compared to the way he had treated you. Yours mainly consisted of avoiding him, and when that wasn’t an option and you had to interact with him, you kept it civil and short. Your heart would ache, but you knew it was for the best. It helped that Jean would offer approving smiles and words of encouragement, even going as far as to smirk when you had ignored the Captain.

Levi, meanwhile, had frowned when he noticed that you ignored him. Again.

In all honesty, he did deserve it, but that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt like a bitch. He grew irked at your display. Levi hoped you would understand that him kissing your head and showing affection towards you was his grand confession of love. You knew he was shit with words, and he hoped that that would be enough.

He was sadly fucking mistaken.

His attention had been on you the whole mission. Even when the scouts had to dismount from the horses to use the ODM gear through the trees, he had somehow managed to keep a watchful eye on you. You were graceful as ever as you flew through the trees, though his observing gaze noticed that your reaction time was noticeably slower than normal. He had also noticed the dark circles under your usually bright eyes, and he grew worried upon noticing your overall state.

Levi, himself, wasn’t faring much better. He was getting virtually no sleep, running completely on caffeine, adrenaline, and pure will, yet he still made sure he was in excellent shape when it came to these missions— humanity was resting on his shoulders, after all.

The firing of a flare gun in the distance indicated that the group would be encountering titans— a lot of titans— from the left. The soldiers prepared, all eyes focused on the left. You had conveniently taken up the right-most end of the formation, and your attention had also been on the left, your blades held tightly in your hands.

It was only by chance that Levi decided to glance down at you as he soared above you in the middle of the formation. Your eyes met once again, and Levi’s heart lurched at the beautiful sight, when movement behind you immediately caught his attention. A large abnormal with the ability to jump from tree to tree had suddenly appeared and made an attempt to grab you. Your attention had been solely on Levi, so you hadn’t noticed, especially over the roar of the wind in your ears.

Levi’s eyes widened, and he yelled out your name. The rich baritone of his deep voice reached your ears, and you turned slightly behind you, yet you reacted too slowly. Your body jerked backwards, flying so far from the group. You flew through the air at such a great speed that it took you by surprise when you slammed against a tree as the wires of your ODM gear grew tangled. The abnormal had missed you— barely. Your head slammed against the tree and you felt the wind knocked out of your body at the impact.

You whimpered at the hell of a hospital stay you’d have to face after this.

The abnormal almost seemed to be grinning wider upon realizing that it had successfully subdued you. You attempted to quickly stand up, though your body yelled in agony at the movement. Willing yourself to fight back, you shakily stood up, tightly gripping your blades that had miraculously not fallen to the ground throughout the struggle. You winced at the searing pain that shot through your head, yet you clenched your teeth in determination. Realizing that your gear was broken and therefore useless, you quickly discarded yourself of it, and felt some of the tension in your body alleviate now that you were significantly lighter.

“The hell is she doing?” Jean yelled incredulously from his spot next to Levi, and the other members of the group looked on in shock as they all attempted to make it to you in time.

“She’s fighting back,” Levi spoke through gritted teeth, his worry for you eating him alive. His eyebrows were furrowed in stress and anxiety, and he was now soaring impossibly fast through the trees in order to reach you.

Stupid brat. Stupid, resilient, little brat.

“Attagirl!” Oluo and Eld cheered, and Petra shoved them, warning them to stop their blatant ogling in the middle of a dangerous mission. They skillfully dodged her attack, grinning at their adept use of the ODM gear.

A noise towards the side caught their attention, and the group realized the titans they had been anticipating were now in sight. Levi coolly assessed the shitty situation, before commanding that most of the soldiers take care of the titans, while Levi, his squad, and some of the 104th’s cadets would assist you. The group split up, and Levi turned his attention back to you, his heart thumping against his chest.

As the titan made a move to grab you, you exhaled quickly to focus before skillfully jumping onto its elongated arm and running quickly towards its nape. You were defying gravity as you gained speed the higher you went. The titan wasn’t stupid, and it began to grab you with its other arm, yet you anticipated its move. You lithely dodged it, executing a quick front flip as you narrowly escaped its grasp once again.

This was it!

You saw your opening. You leaped forward and pushed your feet against its shoulder as hard as you could, soaring high up in the air above the titan. Muscle memory served you well, and you thought back to the training circuit that had mimicked a situation almost exactly like this one. You gracefully began to spin yourself faster and faster, your cape billowing behind you as you finally readied your blades for the final blow. You yelled out, as your head pain worsened. As a result, your maneuver faltered slightly, almost imperceptible to the human eye. The titan noticed.

It lashed a large hand out again, attempting to grab you, but it accidentally slapped your body away. You cried out in pain, and you flew in the direction of your friends, hurtling towards the ground. You were falling so fast, and you felt yourself grow dizzy from being chucked around so much in the last five minutes.

Eren yelled out your name, a whimper stuck in his throat at the sight of your almost lifeless body spiraling downwards. Jean’s eyes widened, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it in time.

Levi’s heart stopped upon witnessing the titan slap your body with so much force. You were plummeting towards the ground at an impossible speed, and he didn’t even think twice before withdrawing his ODM gear’s hooks and diving towards you within the blink of an eye. His cape flew behind him, and a determined glint had overtaken his angry features. 

You had been bordering between consciousness and unconsciousness, yet the sight above you had been so clear that it almost felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. Your long hair flew around you, creating a curtain around your face, as you looked up at Levi. He had dived towards you, his jaw so tightly clenched. His muscular long arm began reaching out to you. The ground was quickly approaching, and you felt a sense of serenity at the sight of your Captain, despite your confusion and the severity of this situation.

“Levi,” you mumbled, smiling softly.

His face dropped upon seeing the calm expression on your face, and he willed himself to go faster, a number of expletive curses ringing through his head. 

That damn titan. Did it know how small you were? How precious you were?

He spun himself slightly to gain momentum, and he saw you were just within reach. Levi confidently stretched his strong arm out even more, managing to wrap his hand around your arm. He swiftly pulled you into his chest, one arm wrapping around your waist, while the other hand cradled your head protectively against his broad chest. He swiftly flipped himself around to face his body upwards, further ensuring he’d take the majority of the blow in case you two ended up hitting the ground, and shot both of his ODM gear’s hooks into a nearby tree, propelling both of you away from the ground and towards the high branch. You fleetingly realized how familiar this position felt.

Once Levi safely landed, he kneeled, and supported your body against his thigh as he continued to hold you in his arms. He quickly looked over his shoulder, and could make out the sight of the titan falling to the ground. All the members of his squad seemed alive and well, so he turned his attention back to you. His eyes quickly darted over your face, desperately searching for any obvious injuries.

Your eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Levi running his hands through your hair and over your cheeks. The Levi in front of you was leagues different from the cool and composed one you had come to know. He had a frantic look in his eyes, his jaw clenched tightly, as he desperately peered down at you. 

“Le… Levi?” You mumbled, your voice still a little hoarse from your recent infirmary stay.

“You are so precious to me, you hear me?” He lowly spoke, panic and anger and a whole plethora of emotions coloring his normally deadpan voice.  

Your jaw fell open and you were almost positive you were suffering from a mean concussion, and this was a hallucination. “Wha—”

“You’re a fucking brat— an incredibly frustrating, resilient little brat— but you’re mine.”

You dazedly looked up at him, and you realized how close his face was to yours. His muscular chest was heaving up and down, and a small droplet of sweat dripped down from his hairline. Levi’s handsome features held nothing but adoration for you, and in that moment nothing could bring you down from the high you were experiencing. You felt his warm hands cup your cheek once more, a habit he seemed to be fond of.

“You want a fucking declaration of love? Here it is— if anything happens to you, I swear I’ll kill every titan on this piece of shit planet,” he spoke, surprisingly unbothered with how vulnerable he was being with you. He moved closer to you, his forehead nearly resting on your own. “I don’t give a fuck if you hate me or not. You’re mine, and I’m yours. And that’s all there is to it.”

Your hand creeped up to grasp the wrist of the hand that had been caressing your face, and you tightened your fingers around it. He froze, momentarily wondering if you were rejecting his confession, and he internally groaned at the thought. 

There’d be no coming back from this one.

“You’re mine?” You shakily asked, a gloriously beautiful smile slowly gracing your features.

“That’s what I said,” he mumbled, attempting to conceal how lovestruck he felt at your smile.

“After… after we get home and I get some medical attention, you’re going to have to kiss me, alright? I’m—”

You were cut off by his lips pressing against your own. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you relished in the soft feeling of his lips molding against yours. You felt an indescribable warmth erupt in your chest, and you whimpered against Levi’s lips. His kiss was soft and warm, a huge contrast to the Levi from this past month. He pulled away just as quickly as he had bent down.

“One for the road,” he simply explained, glancing down at you. He internally smirked at the pretty blush coloring your cheeks— he was always fond of the sight.

▲▼▲

“You’re not serious.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

You stifled your giggles at Levi’s straight face. Your expression still showed your disbelief at what he had just told you.

“I’m not an idiot, Levi, I know how some people look at me,” you laughed, rolling your eyes playfully.

“Even the Commander?”

“Oh, I’m working my way up through the ranks right now, can’t you tell?” You teased, gesturing down to your intertwined bodies, as you both faced each other in his warm bed.

“You’re funny, brat,” he deadpanned, no heat and all fondness as he affectionately pinched your cheeks.

You snuggled deeper into his chest, savoring the warmth that you were enveloped in. You were wearing his shirt— still warm and smelling strongly of him— and you inhaled softly as your face pressed deeper into his chest. Somehow, the slight aftermath of your headache from the recent expedition began to dull slightly.

“I’m sorry again,” Levi murmured, softly cradling your head against his chest.

“Really? I couldn’t tell the first five hundred times you said so,” you teased, looking up at him. Your breath hitched at the sight of his face angled down towards you, dark wisps of hair falling over his eyes and structured face. Levi was so painfully handsome, you could feel your heart flutter.

His eyes were intense, and his guilt continued to stir within his stomach. Seemingly able to read his mind, you pressed a chaste kiss to his warm chest.

“Idiot,” you mumbled, “I really wouldn’t care if the King himself came up to me and proposed, and you know exactly why.” 

“Humor me.”

“Terrifying guy, goes by the name of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?”

He chuckled lowly, the deepness of his voice vibrating through his chest, and your insides turned to mush. Feeling relieved at successfully pulling Levi out of his little hole of guilt, you yawned softly. Your bruised ribs still ached at times, yet you ignored it this time to cuddle deeper into Levi, who was also on the verge of sleep.

He was sleepily looking down at you, observing your attempts to get comfortable in his embrace, and he softly smiled to himself. His muscular arms tightened around you, one of his hands coming to rest on the soft curve of your hip. He relished in the fact that sleep would be coming easily to him with you here. Levi had surprised himself with how easily he was able to show his affections toward you, and he chalked it up to that being further proof that you really were the only one for him.

He felt a warmth come from the sweet pang in his chest, and it spread throughout his entire body. Levi had learned to associate that feeling with you.

His eyes closed silently, and you pressed one last kiss to his chest.

“Precious,” he mumbled, “Precious little brat.”

▲▼▲

[ghostbustermelanieking]

i'd like to hear some headcanons for your "georgie can see dead people" au! :0

oh thank you so much!! this is probably going to be a little messy, since i haven't actually started the fic, but!! here is something!! :) (also i am so sorry for all the sixth sense references. the actual fic will undoubtedly be worse.)

1. So the basic premise of this AU is that the end result of Georgie's encounter with the End is that, instead of losing her ability to feel fear, she gains the ability to see the dead. Everything goes the same otherwise: the protest, Alex, the dead woman, Georgie waking up days later at home, the months of strangeness and unfeeling. The difference is that when Georgie wakes up, she can see the dead woman, too. Never too close—only in corners, behind doors, in the window. And never always, but only in the moments that feel crucial. The moments where she's searching for something of herself. Her mother hugs her and she sees the dead woman over her mother's shoulder. 

Georgie sees Alex, too, sometimes. Closer and more head on; she is always looking back. But she never speaks, and neither does the dead woman from the room. It isn't until she begins to see other ghosts that she realizes they can talk, if they want to. If they choose. 

(Six months later is when Georgie figures out how to lock the dead woman out. She stops seeing Alex shortly after, except on occasion. Sometimes she'll see a flash of those familiar eyes in the mirror, over her shoulder, and they always seem to be apologetic. But Alex still never says anything. Georgie gets good at pretending that this doesn't hurt nearly as much as losing her.)

2. Jon is the first one that Georgie almost tells. Almost. They're honest with each other in a way that Georgie usually isn't, when they first meet, and she almost thinks he'd believe her. They talk about ghost stories all the time. 

She mostly thinks about it when she sees Jon's ghosts. It isn't often but she sees them. He'll talk about what little he remembers of his parents, or pull out some old, faded pictures, and she'll see the faces reflected in the kitchen, the bathroom mirror, Jon's bedroom. He never talks about the apparition of a strange teenager that appears, once, when they both wake up sweaty from frantic nightmares and he refuses to explain, and Georgie doesn't press. He doesn't tell her about Mr. Spider and she doesn't tell him about the ghosts. Much as they love each other, they do still have secrets. 

Georgie goes to his grandmother's funeral years later, even though they're barely talking at this point, and almost tells him then. Seeing him stand mostly alone at the grave, looking monumentally alone, and then a flicker of his grandmother behind him—she almost does. But still she doesn't. She's never told anyone before, and she and Jon aren't really in touch, so she just hugs him and tells him she's so sorry, and doesn't meet the eyes of the woman watching behind the fresh grave. 

3. Melanie is another person Georgie almost tells. They still meet through their connections—Ghost Hunt UK, What the Ghost, and Georgie's power is (probably unsurprisingly) very useful for the paranormal podcast business. (All her episodes aren't pulled from real life, from her own experiences—that would be irresponsible, and there's more clout in retelling familiar stories. But sometimes when Georgie runs out of episode ideas, she'll visit a spooky place, write down what she sees, do a deep dive on the history, and fill in the gaps by attributing her sightings to "unnamed" witnesses.) She's met a lot of people in the ghost hunting business, but Melanie stands out, because they hit it off so immediately. Start hanging out outside of work drinks, at parties or pubs or research stints. Melanie starts inviting Georgie to consult on the show, or to collaborate, and Georgie uses what she sees to point Melanie and her team towards real sightings. Why not? Might as well have the horrible power be useful for something. Haley Joel Osment solved his problem by helping people, and this isn't the same at all (and that's a movie, anyways), but it is something. 

So she and Melanie become fast friends, faster than Georgie is used to, and Georgie genuinely thinks about telling her. She trusts her, and she doesn't think Melanie would laugh, or call her a liar. (Melanie's got stories about not being believed, too; it's common in the paranormal business.) She thinks Melanie might be the right person, maybe. Just maybe. 

(She doesn't end up doing it. She's still a coward when it comes to that. But it isn't because she isn't tempted.)

(The idea to tell Melanie comes before she starts seeing Melanie's father. But that fact doesn't help her decision, either. In quiet moments with Melanie, Georgie starts seeing the man in Melanie's framed photos in the shadows, looking at Melanie with sad eyes, calling her little moth. But Melanie can still barely talk about her dad, and the accident, and it feels even more wrong after he starts showing up, to tell her. Georgie worries Melanie might think she's making fun, or making something up to make her feel better, and she doesn't see this going well.

Instead she says, sometimes, I know your dad loved you a lot. Melanie says, Yeah, I know, too. Georgie says, And I bet he misses you, even though it isn't a bet; she knows. But she can't tell Melanie, and that's as far as it can go.) 

4. The most significant time Georgie wants to tell Melanie, but doesn't, is the one she'll end up regretting the most in the end. When Melanie gets out of the hospital, first, and then when she comes back from India; when Georgie is basically the only friend Melanie has left from her old life, and therefore is probably the person Melanie goes to the most. The person Melanie confides in. 

So Georgie is there to see it all. She'll be sitting across from Melanie in a pub, or beside her on the couch; she'll brush Melanie's hand with hers, or their knees will knock together, and Georgie will see flashes of blood, violence. Hear screaming. She'll see haunted faces out of the corner of her eyes: soldiers, doctors. Muzzles of guns. Once, a stained hand gripping Melanie around the leg. 

She'll regret it, later, but Georgie doesn't say anything; she doesn't know what to say. She's never seen anything like this, even with over a decade of seeing ghosts. How is she supposed to explain it? She doesn't really know what it means. Melanie talks about war ghosts, and Georgie listens, and she rationalizes that Melanie will have to be okay. (She was okay, when it was her, and if—if this is something serious, something worse, than… then Georgie will be there. Melanie will have someone who understands.) 

5. One night in February of 2018, Jon shows up back in Georgie's life, looking shell-shocked on her doorstep. He stands in the hall looking mildly terrified, when Georgie opens the door, and behind him stands a dead woman, looking desperate and furious all at once. 

"Georgie," Jon says weakly. "I-I know it's been a while, but…" 

"Jon! Christ, what happened to you? Are you all right?" Georgie says, trying to take in Jon and the dead woman all at once. (She is new—Jon must have had someone else close to him die.) She focuses on Jon, puts a hand on his shoulder. "Are you hurt?"

"I… I'm fine." Jon's hands twist in front of him. "I… didn't know where else to go."

Georgie swallows hard and says, "Are you in trouble?" The dead woman is looking right at her. Georgie keeps looking at Jon. 

"I… yes." Jon chews on his lower lip. "If… I know it's a lot to ask, b-but I… could I… possibly stay here for a little while?"

Georgie swallows hard. She has a dozen questions—what's happened, why he needs somewhere to stay, why he looks like this—he looks like he's been through emotional turmoil, through hell—and worse, why a dead woman has followed him here. But she doesn't know how to ask these questions. And she can't just turn him away. Jon helped her heal during one of the worst periods of her life, even if he doesn't know it. And she can do the same. 

"Yeah," Georgie says, and leans forward to pull Jon into a hug—tentative at first, and then stronger, when Jon latches on like he needs it. "Y-yeah, Jon, of course."

Jon rambles out a frantic thank you, layered in with apologies and copious promises to pay rent, but it becomes harder to listen. Right over Jon's shoulder, the dead woman is staring right at her, her mouth hanging open. She's got long hair and glasses, and she looks exhausted, and it isn't immediately obvious how she has died, which is unusual. And she's looking right at Georgie. She says, suddenly, "Can you—can you see me?"

It isn't the first time a ghost has spoken to her, but it's a rare enough occasion to be shocking. Her throat is thick with surprise, and she can't say anything in front of Jon, so she just sort of imperceptibly nods. Holds the dead woman's gaze for a moment. 

"Fuck," says the dead woman. "Thank—thank god, thank Christ, I…" She pauses and looks at Jon, then back at Georgie, still numbly hugging Jon there in the hall. "My name is Sasha," she says, and Georgie thinks of the scene in The Sixth Sense where the sick little girl under the blanket asks for help. "Can you… can you help me?"

(send me an au and i'll give you 5+ headcanons)

[moonnightyoongi]

the best of me | jk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst, angst, ANGST

word count: 1.9k

description: i worry that i wasted the best of me on you

Sitting on the kitchen floor with a half empty bottle of vodka at your side wasn’t how you planned your New Year’s Eve. Staring at the kitchen cabinet with a vacant expression wasn’t how you wanted it to go either, yet here you were alone, and empty. The sound of people in the streets screaming and cheering drunkenly as the clock got closer to midnight was the only thing keeping your mind present and not drifting your thoughts to him. His large eyes and wide smile that could capture a crowd’s attention in an instant. His laugh that would roar across a room with delight causing others to smile and laugh themselves. Everything about him seemed perfect, but you should have known that there was no such thing as perfect and someone pretending to be perfect would eventually slip.

And slip he did, right through a thick piece of ice.

Not literally of course, the heat in your country heated the water before it even had a chance to drop to such a temperature to freeze. No, his perfect façade faded. One day it was good morning texts, the next it was you asking if he was okay and him not replying till 4pm in the afternoon with one word – not even bothering to ask if you were okay. Trying to get a conversation out of him was like trying to squeeze shit through a straw, completely pointless. Yet there you were, trying and holding onto what was left. The hopeless romantic in you refusing to believe that it had fizzled out and he was no longer interested in spending time with you or wanting to know how your day had gone.

Just silence.

‘You’re so young, don’t worry about it’. Young? Yes. Tired? Exhausted. You had been known for the theatrics and anytime you tried to explain how tired and drained you were, they simply scoffed and told you that you’d be over it before you know it. It was easy for them, their husbands, wives, partners were their first or their second. Yet, you had a long history of short relationships that lead nowhere and were often fake while they chased who they really wanted. Then you met him. Over a year you had him where you wanted him to be and it felt nice to be able to tell people you had someone and it to be still the same the next time you spoke. He fit perfectly into the life you had imagined, never asking for too much and never expecting too little. Perfect.

Or was it really perfect? Did you see what you wanted to see? Did you ignore the signs he gave and pushed them back? Of course, if you didn’t then you wouldn’t be sitting on the kitchen floor, half drunk and thinking of every little thing he did – or didn’t do.

He did bring you your favourite food whenever he could. He did tell you what he liked most about you. He did support everything you did. He did protect you at every chance and he did introduce you to his friends as soon as you agreed. He respected who you were and the boundaries you had set. He did make you laugh, and a smile would always grace your face when his name was mentioned, or he walked into a room.

He didn’t tell you he loved you till you would. He wouldn’t go out of his way to see you when he was free. He did put his friends first. He did make you cry without knowing. He didn’t answer calls when you needed him most.

But that’s normal, right? He had his life to live, he couldn’t drop everything to run at your beck and call. So why did you? Why were you first on the scene when his smile fell? Why were you the first to schedule a date? Why was it always you telling him you loved him first, and sometimes only you?

“You’re being very dramatic,” Sasha says walking into the kitchen in her new year’s outfit.

“Is that right?” you reply in a monotone voice.

“You should come to the party! Everyone is going to be there, it’ll be fun.”

“I don’t feel like fun.”

“You don’t look like much fun,” Enya jokes walking into the kitchen, clearly not reading the room. Sasha shoots her a glare before returning her attention to you.

“Come on, I have a dress you can wear.”

“No thanks,” you say, “I’m good here.”

She sighs and looks at Enya with a concerned look, Enya simply shrugged in return before turning on her heels and walking out of the kitchen.

“Y/N,” she says kneeling down in front of you, “This isn’t going to help you.”

“I don’t want it to,” you reply, “I just want to feel it out.”

“You’ve been feeling it out for 3 months.”

“We were together for a year, I have another 3 to go,” you tell her. Half the relationship time and that is how long you’re allowed to feel sad about it they say.

“That’s a terrible phrase,” she groans standing up, “I’ll leave the dress and shoes by the door if you change your mind. Change into the clothes, don’t come in that.”

You look down at the dirty sweatpants and oversized jumper before meeting eye contact, “But this is such a look.”

“I’m not going to tell you what you look like,” she smiles before checking her bag, “We’re going.”

“Have fun.”

“We will!” Enya shouts opening the front door, “Fuck it’s freezing!”

“They think it’ll snow,” Sasha says, “Unusual for here since it’s always so hot.”

“Reverse global warming,” Enya laughs.

“I wish,” Sasha groans walking out of the kitchen, “Bye Y/N!”

You picked up the half empty bottle of vodka and took another swig before groaning and kicking it away from you. Everything felt bad and smelt bad if they got too close to you. Half of you hated what you had become and the other loved the miserable, empty feeling that resided. But Sasha was right, even though you hated to admit it. You needed to feel something different than the empty yearning feeling, and maybe a party surrounded by people who were too drunk to care that you were quiet would do the trick.

Right?

Wrong. The music was loud, the people were a lot drunker than first anticipated and to make it worse you forgot that the whole point of New Year’s Eve was the midnight kiss. You could always hide in a toilet or on a balcony while it happened, but there was something about it that made you feel a lot worse than just standing around watching everyone kiss a stranger.

“You’re here!” Sasha screams letting go of Hoseok’s hand, “And you smell nice!”

“I showered,” you reply as she shook you left to right excitedly, “Where’s Enya?”

“Her and Taehyung are playing a game of who can drink the most shots in a minute. She lost the first two rounds, she’s determined now.”

“Jeez, how many did Taehyung drink?”

“1, she couldn’t finish them,” Sasha laughs spilling her drink, “Shit! Come on let’s both get a drink.”

“I think I’ve had enough,” you say as she pulls you between the crowd of people.

“You had two swigs of vodka, that’s just a double!”

“Three.”

“Well drink a coke or something then,” she says throwing a can at you, except it misses and goes straight into the back of the person behind you.

“I’m so sorry!” Sasha screams.

“That really hurt!” she cries dramatically, you thrown as you pick it up off the floor as the boy, she was with crouches down with you.

“Thanks,” you mumble as your hand meets his over the can, a spark ran up your arm and you immediately knew who’s hand you had touched. His.

“Shit,” Sasha whispers from behind you.

“Y/N,” Jungkook smiles sadly.

“Yeah, hi,” you say taking the can off him and walking out of the kitchen. The first time you see him, and he was with someone else… and she was a lot prettier than you could ever imagine to be.

“No wait,” he says following you through the crowd and onto the balcony.

“What?” you ask trying to freeze your now piping hot cheeks.

“Your bright red,” he replies worryingly, “Are you okay?”

“Just hot,” you say putting the cold can to your cheek.

He laughs and looks at you intently, “I’m not with her by the way. She was asking me about my shirt.”

“She was flirting with you.”

“No, she wasn’t.”

You sit on the cold, hard floor, and groan, “Yes she was Jungkook.”

“Oh, I didn’t realise.”

“Of course, you didn’t,” you say lifting your head and closing your eyes. You feel his body sit down next you as he shifts awkwardly.

“How have you been?”

“The usual.”

He nods his head, “I deserve that.”

“Deserve what?” you groan.

“The coldness.”

“Yeah, you do,” you say looking at him, “Tell me, did I deserve it?”

“No, you really didn’t.”

“Didn’t think so.”

It fell silent once more as he fiddled with his hands in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” he says breaking the silence.

“You’re 3 months too late.”

“I feel like I’m 6 months too late. I didn’t treat you the best towards the end.”

“Well, you were trying to give me a clue,” you tell him with a sigh.

“No, I wasn’t. I was really struggling with university and work and I lost sight of who I was and who I had around me. I took a lot for granted.”

You shrug your shoulders as you watched everyone inside laugh and practically fall over each other. Yet here you were, on a balcony with your ex-boyfriend who was apologising over and over.

“No offense Jungkook, but I don’t want anymore apologies. They’re pointless,” you interrupt, “You can’t apologise for being an asshole 3 months after being one.”

“I know, you like action not words,” he says, “How can I show you?”

“By being considerate to your next girlfriend,” you tell him standing up, “And telling her you love her from time to time.”

“I love you,” he says, “I did then, I do now, and I will – forever and always,” Jungkook says before you opened the door to the party. Turning to look at him you saw the sincere, nervous look he had when you first met.

“Tell it to your next one,” you reply opening the door and pushing through the crowd. He didn’t come after you and you didn’t expect him to. The words you had left him with were harsh, but at least he knew how it felt to not have the person you love say it back.

Now it was time to focus on not losing what is left of you and stopping the anxiety you felt when you looked back at everything you had given him.

Except just one thought lingered as you walked home.

Had you wasted the best of you on him?

masterlist | ask

[rosierocks30]

Hidden series Ch.22

Chapter 22: The Legendary of the Infinity Stones

(Gilbert)

Most of the day since Nathaniel had come home was dull. He had to spend time with Nathaniel with the queen. It was absurd how much he had to put effort in getting his old lover’s attention while Queen Historia who doesn’t try and received more attention. Luckily, he has a plan to make this blonde whore fall from Nathaniel’s grace. Few of the templars who were only loyal to Alexander had discovered the culprits of Levi’s escape. Oh this made him grin in joy when it was Historia and also Zeke’s younger brother, Eren Jaeger. He had already informed Alexander about Historia and Eren involved in Levi’s escape. 

Since a month had happened both Alexander and Gilbert were planning and waiting for the right time to execute the plan. At this moment, Gilly is about to meet Zeke Jaeger, the current leader of the Jaegerist. He wondered how Zeke would take in his little brother’s betrayal? Even though Eren was known to be one of the dangerous titan shifters, he was too overhead on his heels for the handmaiden. It’s such a shame he was not into men. Gilly had always wondered how good was he in bed? He heard so much of it from that other whore, Belia. It got him curious but annoyed at the same time. 

Gilbert quietly knocked on the door and heard Zeke’s voice for him to enter. He opened the door to enter the room and saw only Zeke and Yelena. They probably were having a deep conversation. “Good evening, Gilbert! What brings you here? Please have a seat.” Zeke politely greeted the other man. Yelena guides Gilly to a chair then goes to pour whiskey for all three of them. She handed one to Gilbert then to Zeke.

“I hope I’m not interrupting both of you. I do have a message from the Grandmaster that I think you want to know.” Gilbert said that this had Zeke and Yelena interested. 

“Oh really? What message does the Grandmaster have for me?” Zeke took a sip on his glass of whiskey. 

“He believes it’s time to have a new King since Nathaniel hadn’t kept his bargain of the deal to keep his crown by letting one of our most valuable assets escape.” Gilbert said. 

Zeke thought about it for a moment. “You mean about that monster Levi Ackerman escapee? I was disappointed when I heard Captain Levi had escaped.” 

“Yes, we all are. So, the Grandmaster and I have thought of putting the rightful ruler to the throne.” Gilbert kept talking. 

“Is Historia gaining her full power to rule? That’s very bold for the Grandmaster to assume she will comply.” Zeke had his brow raised in curiosity. 

“I did say a king not a queen. We believe you are the perfect choice. Think about it? You being a ruler will help your group strengthen the support of the people of this island. And you at one point used to be part of Marley’s military. With that knowledge, you can command a new military who will do anything to fight against Marley. The people will glorify you as their savior instead of your little brother who's nobody.” Gilly resumed.  

“I would be careful how you talk about my younger brother if I were you. He may be a hothead sometimes but this group would not exist if it weren’t for him!” Zeke glared at Gilbert for the way he disrespected his little brother. 

“My apologies for offending you. It just saddens me how you care and love your brother so much and yet it doesn’t seem like he does based on his actions.”  Gilbert coaxed Zeke as the other titan shifter paused for a second in confusion. 

“What is the meaning of this, Gilbert?” Yelena had intervened when she looked at Zeke’s expression with a doubt. 

“What I’m trying to say is that Eren Jaeger along with Queen Historia had conspired together to make sure Levi Ackerman was able to escape.” He finally pulled the trigger and waited for both of them to react. 

“Wait what? So Eren was the one to let Levi escape?” Yelena said in shock. 

“Yes, and I have evidence. What nobody knew but only very small members of the inner circle of the Grandmaster about there are small spy cameras installed in the palace. Week by week, they had tracked the queen’s and Eren’s movements. They had allied together to free Subject 18. We have videos.” Gilbert had his phone and showed the video evidence of Eren and Historia meeting together then it showed another scene of Historia meeting Levi in secret in the dungeon. Then it showed how Eren had helped Levi escape from the castle.

Zeke felt hurt by his little brother’s betrayal. So much rage surged inside him. Of course, he had to be calm and clear minded for now. 

“I see, this is disappointing.” Zeke said. 

“I know this truth is hurting you but you must know this.” Gilbert said. 

“He is stupid for being reckless especially it can endanger his new little family. Alright like my father, putting his personal agenda first than his family’s safety. I was alright growing fond of my soon to be sister-in-law. I have no choice but to end her life along with my potential nephew or niece that she’s carrying.” Zeke sighed. 

“I’m afraid you are not allowed to harm the handmaiden for now. She has something that the Grandmaster had been searching for years.” Gilbert said. 

“Oh? Like what?” Zeke was curious again. 

“The infinity stones. They are real and she is the wielder of all six. So if you accept our offer, you can help your dreams come true.” Gilly continued. 

“What will you do about Eren and Historia? And how will you dethrone Nathaniel?” Zeke was now intrigued. 

“With Eren being connected to the Path and Ymir, he will be difficult to get rid of. As for Historia and Nathan; I will expose this secret of her being responsible for Levi escaping and probably the king will lose his interest in her and execute her which will make the people rise up and dethrone him then place you as king. What do you say?” Gilbert said.

At first Zeke thought about it. “I see as long as I get to deal with my brother. So tell the grandmaster I accept his proposal as king.” The Beast Titan shifter shook Gilbert’s hand while Gilbert smirked in victory of phase 1. 

“We have a deal then.” Gilbert said victoriously. 

(Historia)

Shit. It’s like the day of the wedding with Nathan again. She was in her room waiting for Nathan. Naked and alone. He had told her to be ready for him at night. 

Don’t let your fear show to anyone Historia..

The queen heard Ymir’s voice again. She had been quiet for a while. “I can’t help it...the thought of him touching me again is just too much for me.” The blonde woman whispered. 

My Krista, I wish I was there to protect you and hold you like when we were in the scouts..

“Same...I do think about what would happen if you were still alive. I read your letter and if you were still alive, I would have married even with the short time you have before the curse takes you away from this fucked up world…” Historia felt a small tear slipped from her ocean blue eye. 

But you shouldn’t feel regret in any decision that you made before. You have now Levi and your son, Atticus. Think of both of them when fear consumes you. You’re not giving yourself some credit of how strong and capable you are in fucked up situations.  

“Atticus? My little boy...I missed him so much. I envied Sasha for raising him, which I should be the one.” Historia had always thought of her baby boy. For being Levi and Historia’s son, he wasn’t a tiny baby. Her hand wiped the tears off. She must endure these acts for their sake. Levi was caught once. She will have to be stronger and not be a burden to cause more misfortune. A queen can make many moves and has a chance to win this twist game in politics. 

Suddenly, the doors opened and Historia glanced to see Nathaniel entering the room. The usurper noticed his wife was ready for him. 

“I see you have been waiting for me, my wife.” Nathaniel smirked. Historia felt the urge to slap his smirking face, but she was composed. 

The beautiful golden haired queen got up from the bed then let the white sheets fall on the floor to reveal her nude body. Nathaniel walked towards her and caressed his fingers on her soft creamy fair skin. 

“Would you believe me if I say I have missed you?” Historia was not expecting his words. She knew he had hated her for many reasons but that feeling is mutual too. This does not make sense. She felt his lips on her neck slowly traveling down to her collarbone. No matter how hard she tries to enjoy it for her mental sake, these lips are not her true husband. Levi had always made her crave more. Her thoughts drifted to remembering their first time together. It was a grieving night for everyone from the betrayal of Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir. From feeling lonely and grief, both Historia and Levi had blossomed into a prue love.

“Historia, you are beautiful like your sister, Freida.” He muttered. 

Historia glanced then took a step back from him. “How do you know my sister?” She whispered.

Nathaniel realized Historia was confused but alert. Maybe it’s the alcohol in him but he felt it’s time for her to know that long ago he was in love and engaged with Freida. He sighed and went to sit on the bed and pat the mattress for her to sit beside him.

“Come Historia, I think it’s time I tell you about the time I used to be engaged with the woman who was my first love.” He said. Historia was hesitant at first, but she went to sit next to him so he could tell her about her sister. 

(Natasha)

The sky was beautiful with clear blue and white puffy clouds. A little girl with brown hair was plucking out wildflowers at the meadow. She carefully tried not to get her summer dress dirty. Her mother will scold her as today will be an important day. Natasha, her mother, and her baby brother Damon will go visit the palace to see Grandpa and Grandma. Her mother, Morgan Ackerman nee Stark had decided to fly from Hawaii to Paradise Isle two days before planning to see her in-laws. Long ago Atticus bought a private land away from the capital when Morgan became pregnant with Natasha. 

For two days Morgan wanted to have some time to herself with her children. Life as a widow was too heartbreaking for her. She lost the love of her life just when their marriage was still new. This must be how her mother felt when her father died so many years ago. Natasha looked up to see her mother who’s in the cottage cradling her baby brother. The little girl smiled  and resumed plucking out flowers. Her mommy loves flowers. This will make her smile again. Her mommy had a pretty smile. 

It felt so long that little Natasha was surprised her mommy didn’t call her name to go see grandma and grandpa. Maybe mommy had fallen asleep with Damon again? The little girl skipped back home. When she saw the door was opened, Natasha was feeling weary but didn’t think too much into it. She entered and went upstairs. 

“Mommy! I got flowers for you!” She heard no one.

As she got closer, the little girl heard a grunt and whispers. Huh? Who is with her mommy and brother? She slowly pushed the door to open for her to view a gruesome scene. Her silver grey eyes widened in horror to see two men were looking down at her mother who looked frozen from seeing a small body on the floor. There was blood soaking the wooden floor and from the look of these strange men's faces; they were laughing. 

Did they hurt her little brother? Why? Why would they do that?

Her mother finally noticed her and shouted. “Natasha ran! Run to safety!” 

Natasha gasped when another man grabbed her before she had the chance to run away. 

“Oh no you don’t brat.” The man who grabbed her was struggling from her wiggling and kicking to be free. “Noo! Let go! Mommy!” She was calling for mother to save her.  

“YOU PIECES OF SHIT! YOU MONSTERS!” Her mother was screaming and crying from seeing her baby laying on the floor dead. “WHY?! I have told you I don’t have it!” 

“Don’t lie, woman. Your father was the last one to hold all six stones. Our sources say you found it five years ago with that Ackerman prince you married. So, tell us where those stones are and this time your last remaining child.” The sinister leader said. 

“Fuck you. Fuck all of you, Jaegerists! I have told you. I don’t have them anymore. Please, please spare my daughter.” Her cries were heartbreak and full of agony. The worst pain to see your own child being killed. 

“Tell us where was the last time you left it?” The Jaegerist man said. 

Morgan was sobbing as she realized it’s pointless to beg for mercy since she was telling the truth. The stones literally disappeared as she used them to have her first pregnancy to make it to full term to birth a healthy child. Her daughter was the result of it. The one wielding the power of the six stones. They must not know the truth. These monsters will do anything to get the stones. The leader was losing his patience. 

“Very well. Kill the other brat.” The leader ordered. 

Morgan looked panicked when the other man who held Natasha placed the dragger on her small throat. Slowly, Natasha screamed in fear. 

“Stop! Stop! I will tell you the truth! Please don’t take her away from me too…” The grieving mother begged them. 

“Fine, now tell us.” He gestured to the man to not harm or kill the crying girl. 

“They are inside...me. I absorbed them accidently.” Morgan said. 

“I see and yet you are not unable to use them? What a terrible mother you are being unable to protect her children.?” The man mocked her. Morgan glared up with rage and charged at him with the knife that was used to kill her infant son. 

The man used defense moves to disarm the knife and lock his arms around her neck and pinned her to the floor harshly. “You asked for this, bitch.” 

Everything had gone to hell when Natasha saw the man pinned her mother and now he’s unbuckling his pants while her mother wiggling and screaming so many bad words. Then herding her mother crying and screaming in pain whatever the man was doing to her mother. All she know, that man’s hands with her baby brother’s blood smearing on her mommy. Then the man started to choke her in the process until no cries or screams were heard from her mommy.

Natasha stopped wiggling and whispered. “Mommy…?” She had a devastating expression. 

“Such a shame. She’s dead.” He had finished violating the mother.  The men groaned in disappointment since they wanted to have a turn. 

“Stop being whiny brats. The body is still warm enough to have fun.” The leader said then chuckled. 

Natasha felt her world became dark. Rage, sorrow, and feeling useless consumed her. A faint whisper was heard from her ear. 

Take your ravenge...they have spilled blood now; they must pay for it…

Who was that? Natasha said mentally. She could hear the same voice again. 

Use it..use your gifts form the stones they so eager to have…

Mommy had made me promise not to use it.

I’m sorry sweetheart but you must break your mommy’s promise...look what they have done to her and your baby brother? They must pay. You are an Ackerman and Ackermans must do whatever it takes to protect and survive. The least you can do is honor your mother, child…

You didn’t answer my question. Natasha said in her thoughts. 

My apologies, I’m you...well the titan in you. Awaken first and let me and the power of infinity stones handle the rest…

Natasha snapped back to reality to glare at these awful men. “You will pay for it!” 

Now the men started to laugh at the little girl’s threat. “Oh, she has fire in her. Men just end her so we can leave.” The leader said. 

Suddenly a rush of electricity spread inside her as some unfamiliar power burst out. She now felt stronger and aware how to fight. The little girl let out a roar while using that strength to bring the man down to the ground surprisingly. The rest of the men were shocked to see a small girl was able to throw a full grown man onto the ground. Then she grabbed the knife the man was holding to stab repeatedly on his chest. Blood spilled everywhere while hearing the man screaming from the pain. All he could see was glowing silver eyes until he died. 

Natasha dropped the bloody knife and turned herself to glance at the rest of the men. The men looked so scared and ran to try to leave the cottage. 

“Where do you think you are going huh?” Natasha’s voice was distant but not like a human. With the power, she made the door closed and locked from the room so they wouldn't escape. The men tried to open the door. 

“I just want to play a little game.” With her glowing hands, she made them lift up into the air without touching them and threw them to the wall for them to crash roughly. 

“Please, please! Don’t hurt us. Have mercy..” Her hearing those words from their mouth had enraged her. “Mercy? Where was that mercy when my mother begged you not to harm my baby brother. Where was your mercy when you hurt her and killed her?! You deserve no mercy.” 

Natasha slowly crushed their insides into liquid and watched how they coughed out blood. Now they look like a blob with human skin. She hadn't noticed the wind was causing it while she flew above ground. Little by little, she started to get back in control and saw what she had done. Her reaction was dizziness as darkness took over her and slumped down to the ground. 

Night time had arrived when Natasha woke up. The cottage was dark but only the moonlight shined down the room to see blood all over the walls, floor, and furniture. Slowly, she got up and went to her mother’s body hoping she’s still alive. Her tiny hands shook the corpse but no response. 

“Mommy, please wake up. We’ll be late…” her tears falling seeing no life in her mother’s once brown eyes. She let out an agony scream until the house phone rang. The little girl could hear it from downstairs in the living room. She quickly ran downstairs and picked up the phone. 

“Hello? Who is this?” Her sniffles were loud enough a familiar voice was able to hear. 

“Natasha? Is your mother there? Why are you crying?” Her grandfather Levi called. 

“I-I..grandpa!” She cried. 

“Hey kiddo, calm down. Tell me what's wrong?” Levi was trying to calm his granddaughter. 

“M-mommy...they...kill her...and Damon too….I’m scared. Please come get me..” She was still sobbing. 

It was quiet on the other side of the phone; only heavy breathing was heard. Then a growl of anger and a punch sound was heard. 

“Honey, who was it that killed your mother...and Damon.” Levi’s voice felt like they were about to break. He and Historia had lost their son, Atticus a year ago, now two members of their family were killed. 

“I think...they were called Jaegerists? I don’t know. Please I’m scared..come.” She begged. 

“Natasha, it's going to be ok. I want to stay inside the cottage and don’t open the door to anyone besides me and your uncle. We’re going to get the military police to investigate. Can you do that, soldier?” Levi uses his affectionate tone while giving her an order. Whenever she visited her grandparents, Grandpa Levi played soldiers for fun. He sometimes teaches her some moves to protect herself. 

“Y-yes Captain Grandpa.” She sniffled. 

“Good girl, stay there. We’ll get there in half an hour.” With that, he hung up. 

Natasha goes lay on the couch to wait for her grandfather. She began to chant to herself to calm down. As he had promised, a half hour had passed. A knock was heard but she was quiet. 

“Natasha? It’s Grandpa. Open the door, kiddo.” She sprinted up and ran to unlock the door and open it. In her view, Levi and behind him were several military police men and Uncle Erwin. The little girl jumped at her grandfather to hug him tightly. He instantly held her and carried her. 

“Shhh it’s ok. I’m here.” He whispered to comfort her. Levi entered the cottage with her holding onto him. He was grateful that she survived. 

The police made their way into the cottage and explored all over the cottage. Her Uncle Erwin was beside his father. “Natasha, where are the bodies? Can you show us?” 

She nodded and pointed them upstairs, they went and reached Damon's nursery room to see a bloodbath nightmare. 

“Oh fuck. What a mess…” Levi glanced at each body and spotted his infant grandson’s corpse then his daughter-in-law’s. What is he going to tell his wife about this tragedy? And Pepper...too. 

(Eren)

The green eyed titan shifter was dabbing a cold wet cloth on his lover’s forehead. He stared at the woman he loves while his hand caressing her hair. Eren was in disbelief at what he saw earlier with Natasha. She is full of surprises. The Eldian man got up and started making tea in case his fiancée woke up. 

“Damn it, Natasha...you literally will be the death of me.” He sighed while turning on the stove to have the kettle pot boiling for tea. 

He was stuck in contemplating other matters when a soft groan was heard. This got his attention. He glanced on the couch to see Natasha waking up. Eren went to be by her side. 

“Hey…” It’s the first word she had said to him since the incident. He took her hand to gently kiss. 

“How are you feeling, babe?” He asked with concern. 

“I feel...like being hit against the wall.” She chuckled lightly and carefully tried to sit up. Eren stopped her so he could help her without struggling. 

“Luckily I got a special tea just for that.” He smiled then got up as the kettle began to make a whistle sound. 

Eren goes to turn off the stove. He poured the hot water into two mugs. The tea bags were already in the mugs as he poured the water. Carefully, he holds the handles to carry the mugs to the couch. Natasha watched the way he had prepared the tea. By the time she received her tea mug, she had enough strength to sit better. The heiress took a sip of her tea. 

“It’s not green tea?” She was a bit disappointed. 

“Doctor recommended not to let you consume caffeine while you're pregnant.” Eren informed her. 

“Wait, is this ginger root tea?” She sipped again. The taste was familiar with earthy and spicy all in one. The Burnette loved ginger root tea especially with lemon to add the zesty flavor. 

“Yeah, it’s good for you and safe for the baby.” Eren said while sipping his tea. 

“I hope there will be more because I love ginger.” She gulped down her tea. 

“Natasha, don’t drink too fast.” He warned her. 

“Alright, alright. Any medical advice Dr. Jaeger?” She smirked. 

“Dr. Jaeger is my dad.” He scoffed. 

“Yes, but I can see you being one too. Imagine you wearing a white uniform coat or blue scrubs. I think it looks sexy on you.” Her hands rub on his chest. Usually he would respond to her flirty actions but right now it’s not appropriate. He had seen her use so much power and it almost drained her energy. If he hadn’t been there to try to calm her down, the situation would have gotten worse. 

Eren sighed in disappointment and grabbed her hands gently to remove them from his chest. “Natasha, you have a lot of explaining to do. What was that earlier that you just did? It nearly drained your energy. You were unconscious since the incident. Fuck, I was scared for you. I just need you to be honest to me. What other surprises do you have?” He ranted. 

Natasha was biting her lips nervously. This is where she needs to tell him what he saw was not what she had wanted anyone to know for many reasons. One of them is being used as a weapon by others. The American heiress placed her mug on the table stand. 

“I don’t know where to start...this isn’t easy for me to tell anyone about my powers.” She said. 

“You can start on how you got them.” Eren looked at her. 

“I was born with them, but I don’t remember much of what my mother had told me long ago.” She paused as she was trying to remember the conversation with her mother on keeping her gifts a secret to everyone. 

“Is it genetic?” He was concerned. If it was, there’s a chance their unborn child will inherit. It would put any of his children with Natasha into a dangerous situation. 

“I don’t know. This had never happened to any wielder. It was one of the reasons why I joined a secret organization to help me know more about it and be in control. All I knew was that these stones inside me had killed my late grandfather, Tony Stark.” She began to explain. 

“I see. So, no one knows about the stones besides me?” He asked. 

“My grandmother from my mom’s side, Director Maria Hill who’s in charge of the organization I joined and now you. I don’t tell anyone about it so please can you not tell anyone?” She gave him a pleading look. 

“Hey of course I won’t tell. Your secrets are mine now. I will not let anyone hurt you if they know the truth. I’m here for you, Natasha.” He wrapped his arms around her to reassure her that her secret is safe with him. 

“Thank you..” She was grateful of having her secret being kept for good. 

Eren was about to say something when her stomach made a loud growl. He saw how she blushed embarrassedly. He chuckled at how cute she looked.

“You haven’t eaten at all today. Tell me what you're craving and I’ll make whatever you want.” Eren offered to make something for her. 

“Hmm...I am craving a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup?” Natasha glanced at him.

“You got it, rest here while I make what you request.” Eren smiled then kissed her forehead. He went to the kitchen to start making food. 

Natasha watched Eren cooking from the couch. She had thought if it’s time to tell him the cause of her PTSD. She was lost in her thoughts when Eren was calling her name.

“Natasha, I got your soup and your grilled cheese.” Eren had already placed the tray of soup and grilled cheese on the coffee table. He sat on the couch next to her. His hand grabbed the bowl and spoon to help feed her. She was reluctant at first but let him feed her. 

She moaned from having tomato soup in her stomach. Her eyes glanced at the delicious melting grilled cheese sandwich. Eren noticed where her eyes lingered and chuckled form the way she stared. 

“This is why you can’t skip meals, my love.” He placed the bowl down on the table to grab the sandwich and let her bite down as the cheese stretched. 

Natasha just made a grunt sound from having her mouth full from the grilled cheese. Her finger pointed to the bowel to have something to help her swallow down her food. Eren switched the sandwich to the soup and watched her slurp the soup. 

“Thanks my love. Seriously, you have magic hands whenever you cook. Did you learn from your mom as a boy or was it on your own?” She gleaned into his rich emerald green eyes. 

“I learnt just the basics from her, but mostly from during my time in the military.” Eren was a bit quiet from hearing the mention of his mother. His memories as a boy gave him a nostalgic feeling. His mother did teach him how to make soups, and sandwiches including grilled cheeses. He missed her so much. 

“Hey...I’m sorry about our fight at the clinic. You were right. I wanted to forgive you and move on, but that pain was still there...I wasn’t being honest to you or myself.” Out of the blue, Natasha decided to  apologize for her behavior towards him. 

“Shhh it’s fine. I knew deep down what I did to you will take a long time for you to heal and forgive me completely.” He said.

“Um also...I think I’m ready to talk about my mother’s death..” She struggled to let it out in sentences. 

“Babe, you don’t have to…” Eren gently grabbed her hand to kiss it softly.

“But this is important...it’s mainly the reason why I struggled to control my powers. My past has always haunted me where my pain and emotions get out of control and create chaos. I don’t want to end up hurting an innocent.” She glanced at him and hoped he let her talk about her past.

Eren sighed but nodded. “Alright if you’re really ready, I’ll listen to you.” He gave her a warmth smile. 

Natasha smiled back and began to speak. She started every beginning of the summer, her parents and her had always visited Paradise Isle to spend time with her grandparents. When she was 4, her mother decided to go to the cottage that her father had built for my mother as when she was pregnant with Natasha. What she could remember was being in the meadows to pick at the flowers and smell them. She had collected a few for her mother and went back to the cottage. What she had seen was blood spread on the floor in her baby brother’s room. A small body laying in the pool of blood. Her mother’s face went pale than glared at the men who were responsible. Her mother yelled and screamed at them but all they did was laugh and it got to the point where it led Natasha to seeing red for what they did to baby brother than later witnessing her mother being raped. A child should never have witnessed such a gruesome scene. Then all she remembered was blackout until she woke up to see what she had done to these filthy men. She had heard a ring in the living room and went downstairs to pick it up and it was Levi who was concerned when they would come to visit them. She had explained what had happened and quickly her grandfather hung up to go to the cottage.

“So yeah...he brought the police and they were horrific from the scene. I told them what they have done and I torture them until their bones and organs were melted. They looked like a blobfish out of water, but they probably thought it was my Ackerman gene that killed them. I mean I was awoken on that day too but mostly the power of the stones did the damage.” She had stopped to see the way Eren was trying to compose himself. His knuckles were white from how his fists tightened. 

“Do you know who were those men that did these awful acts on your mother and baby brother? Why did they do it?” Eren’s voice was cracking from feeling angry and disgusted by what these men have done to her and her family.

“What I heard from my mother before she was killed; they were…” She doesn’t know how Eren would act if he knew these men are part of the Jaegerist faction. Her grandmother, Queen Historia had been slowly gaining back her power throughout the years and she had restricted them until the Jaegerists had lost their power seat in Paradise Isle.  

“You can tell me, Natasha.” He slowly calmed down for her sake. 

“I don’t think you would like it if you knew who they were.” She said cautiously. 

“Why? Don’t tell me it’s related to me?” Eren felt his heart beating fast as he became afraid of her answer.

“Y-yes...but I know it’s not you. It’s never you nor your brother since he's been dead for a long time. They belong to the Jaegerist. I don’t know who was the real leader during that time when I was a small child.” She felt Eren got up quickly. All she heard was an angry growl and a punch to the wall. 

Natasha looked up to see he made a hole. She got up from the couch and slowly walked towards him. “Listen Eren, this is not your fault-” 

Eren turned around to face her quickly. “Of course it is! I made the Jaegerists. I caused the revolution for Eldia not to fucking brutally kill an infant and raped then kill a mother. They stole your childhood away and yet I was not able to be there to prevent that. Was I there to protect you?” 

“No, I haven't met you yet. Eren, I told you. This is not your fault. You didn’t kill them. You didn’t send them to kill my family.” She placed her hands on his cheeks. “I know what type of man you are and what you're capable of doing but you are not a monster. They are my love.” 

Eren’s tears fall from the guilt. If he knew his followers would cause this kind of trouble, he would’ve not made Jaegerists. He was surprised that the Path didn’t let him access Natasha's timeline. He will need to have a talk with the Founder Ymir. 

“But my name. My family’s name is tainted by causing pain to the mother-in-law I wouldn’t ever get to meet or your little brother.” What bothers him  the most is when his child is born, how will he look at him or her without guilt.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty. They should feel the guilt for what their action had done to my family. I will not let those fucking Jaegerists take my happiness too by having the love of my life feeling the guilt and burden of their crime!” She could feel her body shaking with hatred from thinking about the Jaegerists. 

“You really do hate them huh?” Eren said. 

“I do. They took almost everything from me. My mother, brother, my birthright. I was supposed to be My grandmother’s heir but few Jaegerists who are still in power were prevented by passing a law to take my title I was born with and the line to succession. I am tired of the way they ruled over the government far too long and my family had to pay the price. I’m glad times are changing in the future era because my generation has been protesting to give my grandmother’s power seat full control. I only go visit Paradise because my father’s family lives there. Kuchel had been studying overseas to become a diplomat to best handle the government to help her family to survive there. The aftermath of the three Jaegerist’s acts of crime, the police had to cover the truth. I was angry and furious. My grandparents had to shut me up for my sake. So I had to play the fucked up heiress who sleeps with strangers and parties and drinks into my misery.” She finally calmed down from her outburst. 

“It was not meant to be like the last government was before the uprising. I did it so the Eldians can open their eyes to know the truth and not live in some delusional lifestyle where we’re the last humans on this planet and these fucking walls are our life support. I can’t believe it fires back at my ideology.” He took a deep breath and joined Natasha to sit beside her. 

“So what do they want from your mother? There must be a reason they went to your cottage on that day?” He resumed.

“They wanted the stones. My mom is the daughter of the late Tony Stark. He was the last person that used it to save the earth’s population from an alien invader, Thanos. She didn’t tell them that I have them in my body, instead she told them she had them inside her...to protect me.” Her lips quivered as tears fell. All Eren could do was hold her and comfort her.  

“I won’t let the Jaegerists get you and our baby. If they or anyone tries to hurt my family; I will personally shed their blood like a river.” His tone was dark. This is one of the promises he will keep. 

He needed her. His Eve. His soulmate. His freedom. 

(Natasha) 

The following morning both of them had woken up early to go back to the palace. At first, Eren was reluctant to let Natasha go back to work from yesterday's incident. She had to persuade him that she was better now. They entered the palace and looked at each other before they departed for their duties. 

“Let me know if you don’t feel well. I’ll pick you up.” Eren said while she nodded. 

“I promise I will. Now go before your annoying brother comes to find you. I’m not in the mood to greet him.” Natasha said. 

“Alright, but I will see you later.” He gave her a kiss on her forehead. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.” She smiled back while embracing his kiss on her forehead. 

She had watched him leave, then went to Queen Historia’s chamber to start her work. Later as half of the day reached, Natasha finished her morning chores. It’s lunch hour so she will wait for Eren to come by to get her to go eat. The brunette heiress was about to go inside the Queen’s chamber to grab her stuff. 

“Ms. Potts, is the queen busy with an audience?” Yelena walked towards her. Natasha turned to see the stoic woman. 

“Hey Yelena. Um, I think she is at the moment since she left in the morning to a bunch of meetings with the high ranking ladies, after lunch I will let her know you stopped by to have an audience with her.” Natasha said. 

“I see. Then after lunch it is. Are you on your way to lunch?” Yelena asked her. 

“Yes, but I’m waiting for Eren to come. You know how protective he has become lately.” Natasha chuckled. 

“Yes, Eren will be a great father and husband too. SPeaking of husband, when will you two be wed?” This threw Natasha off guard. 

“I don’t know. We haven’t picked a wedding date yet. Maybe after our baby is born?” From so many events had happened, it didn’t accrue to her or Eren to pick a date to be married. Only thing Eren ever mentioned was he just wanted to get married now and be his wife. She forgot the culture and society in this island was way different than most modern societies. Maybe she will give a date for the wedding before their child is born even though it's ridiculous to wed so rushly because society will label their baby an unwed bastard. Oh well, she’s just doing this for Eren. 

“I’m sure Zeke and I can offer help for the wedding to happen as soon as possible. Queen Historia adores you. I’m sure she’ll happily help too.” The female Jaegerist said. 

“Thank you, I’ll have a talk with Eren about your offer.” Natasha finds it suspicious that Yelena all of the sudden decided to talk to her so casually.

“Oh I forgot to mention, but Eren would be busy during lunch. He sent me a message to let you know he’ll see you later after work.” Yelena said as she noticed the way Natasha became disinterested and was about to leave.  

“Really? He said that, huh?” Natasha sighed and felt a bit sad that her fiance will not be able to have lunch with her today. 

“Of course. If you want, you can have lunch with me. I might have to come back here later anyways.” Yelena offered. 

“I guess having lunch with you is better than eating alone. Shall we head to eat then?” Natasha gave in and walked with Yelena. 

They went to the hall where most of the staff, Jaegerists members, lower ranks Templars have their meals. It’s basically a cafeteria to her but one day it will be one in the future. She preferred to have lunch outside of the palace since drama had always come to find her. As her pregnancy started to show, few people who had annoyed her before avoided her. Especially, her relationship with Eren was public so they don’t want to be on Eren’s bad side. Oh my god, she was so embarrassed the way he announced everyone the day after the ball. She remembered how her face was red and dying the need to hide herself. If she was in control of the situation then she wouldn’t feel embarrassed. 

As for today, many people stared while walking through the aisle of tables to go wait in line for a meal with Yelena. This felt like her high school days where she was always the center of attention. Being the heiress of Stark Industries and the family’s fortunate, the public was always eyeing on her. It gets too much when she needs her privacy. Once they got their meal, both Yelena and Natasha sat on an empty table. 

“Eat Ms. Potts. The child will need his or her strength.” Yelena gave a smile and began to eat her meal.  

“You can just call me, Eve. I felt like those ladies during the Regency Era.” Natasha said while putting her meat. 

“Very well, Eve.” Yelena said politely. 

 The rest of the meal hour, they were silent while eating. They barely had small talks which bugs Natasha. Maybe having lunch on her own would have been better? They finally finished their meals and Yelena spoke again. 

“It’s almost over lunch, would you be alright if we take a detour? I need to drop off a letter to one of the members in their office.” Yelena waved an envelope letter towards her. 

“Yeah, we got time before the Queen expected me to be back to serve her.” She said. Natasha got up to grab her tray. 

“Good.” The other woman got up as well and took her tray. 

Both women place the tray with empty dishes into a bin where kitchen staff pick up to wash them later. They walked out of the hall in silence. The detour walk was a bit long until slowly it got dim further away than the hallways Natasha was familiar with. She started to feel anxiety. 

“Yelena, are you sure this is where the office leads?” She was getting a bit worried. 

“Yes, I have come here a lot. There are some offices further down.” Yelena said casually. 

“I see…” Maybe Natasha was just feeling a bit sick again. The meat was a bit heavy for her. 

“We’re almost there.” The other woman said. 

As they walked further, Natasha was getting frustrated as her feet were killing her. She stopped to take a small break. 

“Sorry I am going to need a minute.” She begin to panting. 

Suddenly, a hand was placed on her mouth to keep her silent. Natasha panicked and wiggled to free herself. Before she can use her Ackerman strength, she feels something poke on her neck and slowly sees the view blurry. She saw Yelena with a smirk along with two more people. Where did they come from? Why are they doing this? Shit, did they find out she was one of the spies for the Assassins and the last remaining Paradise military?

“W-what did you do to me, Yelena?” She was struggling to speak. 

“Don’t worry this injection is not titan serum nor will it affect your child. We just need you for our special project. We know you have the stones in you. If we do not keep you until you give birth to the child, we’ll remove them from your body.” Yelena explained. 

“Y-you bitch! Eren will notice. He will-” Natasha felt a slap on her cheek. She glared at all three with hatred. 

“Be good and stay silent. The serum is working. Soon we’ll have you unconscious. Speaking of Eren, Zeke will handle him. Sleep well. Ms. Potts.” Natasha’s view slowly darkens. 

Slowly her eyes began to open. All she saw was white surrounds but there were blue lines glowing. In front of her, there was a holosign doing a countdown. It felt like she was in a virtual game that’s becoming popular in her time. 

Welcome to Animus Project. Name: Natasha Eve Ackerman-Stark. Code: 2467489

Shit. She’s in the Animus machine. They know her true identity. Oh where are you Eren?

New subject. Subject 19. Resuming Arene Ackerman arc. 

Halonus, Eldia Empire 1556

It’s been forever since being knocked out by the king’s guards. Arne lost count being held in the cell. Is Ingrid alright and safe? He wondered about his wife. Arne heard the footsteps coming closer and the keys chain making noises as it unlocked his cell. The guard looked at him. 

“The king had summoned you.” The guard said as he dragged Arne out of the cell. Arne prays to the gods and goddesses to protect his small growing family. 

“What the hell? Where am I? Who are you?” Natasha suddenly sees white but as her vision became clear, there were many people staring at her. Some familiar ones like Zeke, Yelena, Floch. 

“How intriguing. Girl, we should be asking you that. Who are you?” Alexander Di Lorenzo stands before her to observe like she’s some mythical creature. 

“It’s pointless to answer that question when you have me hooked up into an Animus machine.” She with a bitter tone. 

“True, but we wanted to give you the chance to speak, Eveline or should we call you Natasha? Tell me Miss Ackerman? What year are you both?” Alexander said. 

“2041…” She whispered. 

“Just as I expected. Gentleman and ladies. Who would ever think the handmaiden is from the future and even better a direct descendant of Levi Ackerman and Queen Historia. I presume that’s on your father’s side? The infant prince is your father?” Alexander chuckled from seeing how her expression became pale. 

“Go fuck yourself.” She spit on the Grandmaster's face. The templars quickly aimed their gun at her ready for their leader to give command. 

“Lower your guns.” Alexander ordered his men. 

“You’re a hothead woman. It doesn’t matter now. You are the key to my goals. Knock her out again and gather any info since her grandfather decided to escape.” Alexander said. The scientists nodded. 

“Hold up. Alexander, she is pregnant with my brother’s child. My niece or nephew might not make it.” Zeke was concerned. 

“Don’t worry the baby will survive. It’s mother is an Ackerman. We’ll give you the baby as its legal guardian. If the child inherits the gifts, we’ll raise it as our weapon.” Alex smirked. 

Zeke stayed silent, this is what he feared having an innocent being born in this cruel world and will be used as a weapon. He felt conflicted from knowing how his little brother will not hesitate to use The Rumbling on them instead. 

A/N: Ok, this is where I’ll stop until the next chapter. I’ll see you next time.

[fakecrfan]

Ok. So Martin has to figure out what the Eye is at some point before the Goggles Incident or else he wouldnt know to blind himself to escape, right? So. When and how did he figure that out? And like, I get that he cant accept what the Eye offers as real love but wouldn't he try bargaining to, idk, date elias or smthg if the other 3 are released kind of like in aoye? Why would the Eye not go for that in this scenario?

Okay so--yes. Martin does discover what’s going on before the goggles incident. And of course, he discovers you can quit by gouging your eyes out. But it happens in phases.

Phase 1: he gets into the tunnels sometime after the Jane Prentiss threat blows over (but Martin’s been evicted and he’s weirdly having trouble finding a new place.) He gets information on the entities in general from Leitner.

Martin still promises he’ll come back and they’ll exchange more info. When he does come back, he finds Leitner completely fucking dead, so that’s how that goes.

(There is also some drama with the polycule and how they react to the tunnels--but I got another ask on that so I will expound on that Later :) )

Phase 2: Martin, after so much running around and trying to find out what eye monster is doing this and trying to wheedle information from people, gets straight up told by Elias that the Eye is in love with him. Martin does not accept this at first.

Phase 3: Melanie quits.

And you see, this is quite an accomplishment. Jon does now tell her how to quit in this AU, because Jon simply does not find Eric’s tape. Melanie follows Eric’s path in a more--indirect way. She goes through the process trial and error herself.

Of course her first instinct is to simply murder Elias. This prompts consternation from the rest of the polycule. Even Martin objects, also worried about all of them dying, to which Melanie throws something at him and screams not everything is about what you want!

She does feel bad about it afterwards, but she decides that bad feeling must be more Eye brainwashing, so she smothers it intentionally and does not apologize.

The attempts on Elias’s life before standard procedure. The others stop getting riled up about them. It even becomes an integral part of the team atmosphere. Exchanges like: “Ah, sorry Tim, seems like Melanie poisoned everything in the fridge just in case Elias eats any of it” become an ordinary and accepted part of life at the Archives.

The murder attempts distract everyone from all her other attempts to free herself.

Melanie reads every single statement she can get her hands on, trying to find any mention of someone fighting successfully against an Entity’s influence. She finds the story of Agnes Montague freeing someone from the web-induced mind control with a kiss on the cheeks.

That gives Melanie an idea, and sets her on a path. The first stop on that path is Jude Perry.

(CW: self harm, serious self-injury, and self destructive behavior bordering on suicidal.)

Jude laughs at Melanie’s dilemma (she always did find other people’s misery funny) and laughs even more at her hypothesis. Still, when Melanie grits her teeth and explains what she wants from Jude, Jude grins.

“Well,” Jude says. “I can practically guarantee you won’t get anything out of it that you’re hoping for. But you are pretty, so how could I say no?”

Georgie, as Melanie’s emergency contact, is the one who gets called by the hospital and gets to see her bandaged up from the burns Jude left on one side of her face.

Georgie is also there when Melanie gets to wake up and find out it didn’t work--that the same intense pressure for her to return to the Institute is still there. Melanie sobs a bit over it, squeezing Georgie’s hand, but--she’s not done, either. Not remotely.

If it’s not that the Desolation gives some sort of protection from mind control, Melanie decides, it must be that different Entities cancel each other out. And if the Desolation cancels out the Web, then--there has to be one that cancels out the Eye.

And so Melanie’s path continues.

She tracks down Manuela Domingeuz, and then Helen.

Melanie gets locked in the dark box (willingly) for days, and spends some indeterminate amount of time stumbling in Helen’s corridors, listening to Helen’s giggles echo around the corner and wondering if she’ll ever get let out. In each of these it--Melanie can feel the Eye subside for a moment. Can feel her thoughts become her own again.

But once she’s out, the pressure is always back. Pushing her back to the Institute. Letting her know Martin is worried.

She has so, so many fights with Georgie throughout all of this. Because Georgie both disagrees with Melanie keeping everything to herself, and disagrees with everything Melanie is doing when Melanie actually explains any of it.

“This isn’t helping anything, Melanie! I can’t just sit by and watch you slowly kill yourself.”

“Where were you? Please tell me what’s going on.”

“You’re just as bad as Jon.”

They stop talking. They start talking again. Melanie gets increasingly more erratic and hostile in her interactions with everyone. Jon tells her a supernatural bullet is causing this but, “It’s fine, we’ll make sure you stay one of Us enough to keep clear headed.”

She throws something at him, and screams.

Georgie wants her to stop trying. Wants her to focus on self-preservation, and stop self destructing for no foreseeable gain.

“And just let them keep controlling me?” Melanie mumbles, pressed up against Georgie’s shoulder.

“You’d still be alive, though,” Georgie says. “That has to be worth something.”

Melanie almost gives in, then. Only for a second, though. The problem is that Georgie’s words have the exact opposite of the effect Georgie intends. Because Melanie hears that and feels her heart melt and something in her goes: oh, this is what real love is.

She compares it to the foreign obsession that grips her at the worst of times, and she makes a choice.

Next week, Melanie locks herself in her own apartment. She knows she’ll get sick if she doesn’t go back to the Institute. It’s time to see if it will really kill her--or else, call her bluff.

Her phone blows up. She shuts it off and throws it out the window. Over the next few days, it becomes impossible to sleep. She paces, vomits, and scratches at herself. She gets furious, breaks things, kicks things, and cries through it all. She feels an ache in her leg, and thinks about what Jon told her about the bullet.

“Well,” she says, through the haze of lost sleep. “Maybe I can stop one thing from controlling me, at least.”

She cuts up her own leg. Messily, bloodily, not having enough foresight to sterilize the knife or have sutures or gauze ready to go. It’s pure luck that she doesn’t hit a major artery in the process, and that she gets it out.

Then, she hears knocking at the door.

“Fuck off!” she yells.

“Melanie?”

The voice makes her blood run cold. Martin. Her eyes move towards the door without her permission.

“Sasha said you were--you were doing--” Martin swallows. “Melanie, please. You don’t have to--”

Her head spins. She stands up, and heads for the door. She shakily unlocks it as though in a trance, and when she sees Martin on the other side she knows exactly why. The sight of him makes that alien thing at the back of head light up like fireworks.

She also knows, instantly, that Martin came himself because he knew that he’d be able to get her to stop. Because the second he thought hard enough about not wanting her to hurt herself, she wouldn’t be able to. That he's started to believe in the Eye's “love” enough to use it, in this case.

“You,” she tells him, still light-headed, “are a fucker, Martin.”

He doesn’t even defend himself. She hates him for that.

“What did you---your leg. Okay, shit, we need to get you to a--let me call--”

Melanie tries to move her head away. She can’t. She tries to at least blink. She can’t. She’s locked in eye contact with him, and those same fireworks are going off in her head.

Does Melanie work it out, at that moment?

She does think, briefly, of Manuela’s darkness. How that darkness blotted out the Eye’s influence, if only for a moment. About how Manuela ritualistically scratched out photographs of eyes, while Melanie was there. But maybe Melanie still doesn’t really make the intellectual connection.

Maybe it’s just spite.

She can’t move her own goddamn eyes. If it’s gonna be that way, then at the very least the Beholding shouldn’t get them either. And so, Melanie takes the knife she’d just used on her legs, and turns it on her own eyes.

The last thing she sees is Martin’s shrieking face--but the first thing she feels when she wakes up is Georgie’s hand holding hers, and that makes it worth it.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Lost At Sea (But I Am Home) [Part 1]

Dean x Reader 

Word Count: ~4600

Warnings: Smut (vanilla, but explicit) and Dean emotions. 

A/N: This came from a request by MJ on the occasion of her birthday. It was supposed to be done, like, months ago, but there was much loss of sleep, tearing out of hair, rending of garments, wailing, etc. before it came together. I hope it’s worth the wait. I missed these two.

This is not a coda, exactly, and not a sequel, exactly, to Marked. It’s a fic of its own, but you might want to read that first. There will be two more parts to this. 

Big thanks to @thoughtslikeaminefield​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @justcallmeasmodeus​ @mskathywriteswords​ @itmighthavebeenintentional​ @fookinghelljensensthighs​ and all the rest of the gay screaming crew for your brainstorming, reading, and inspiration help. Y’all are the best. 

We show great loyalty to the hard times we've been through. We are filled with riches and wonders.  Our love keeps the things it finds, and we dance like drunken sailors,  lost at sea, out of our minds. You find shelter somewhere in me, I find great comfort in you. And I keep you safe from harm.  You hold me in your arms. And I want to go home, but I am home.

“Riches and Wonders,” The Mountain Goats

*

Dean used to think that love might feel like safety. 

When he pictured a relationship, a family, a partner, he used to picture apple pies and picket fences. Love, in his mind, was always tied to comfort, PB&J with the crusts cut off, security, and all the other things he knew he’d never have again. The person he is, the things he does… he wasn’t meant for that soft kind of love. 

Dean’s gotten so used to hiding his softness behind sharp edges and impenetrable walls that sometimes he forgets it’s still there. The sort of woman he once thought he could love would be shredded to pieces before she could get close to it. 

Then he met her. 

When he tries to talk about it, tries to describe the way she makes him feel, he ends up stuttering and stumbling over the words, because it’s nothing like a quiet house on a suburban street. It’s not safety that he feels when he looks at her; it’s nothing so simple as that. She makes him feel about as safe as a fucking hurricane, except that when the wind is howling around them, when rain is falling and the churned-up waves are rising, Dean looks at her and knows, with absolute certainty, that in spite of the storm raging around them and within them and between them, they’re going to be okay. 

So, yeah, Dean was wrong about love. He’s starting to realize that he was wrong about a lot of things.  

*

Dean storms into the kitchen and almost rips off the cabinet door in his haste to get a glass, and he doesn’t notice Cas sitting at the table until he’s slamming the whiskey bottle down on the counter and going for the first gulp. 

Cas just raises an eyebrow. 

“Don’t give me that,” Dean grumbles. He knocks back the rest of the glass and pours another before sitting down across from Cas, slumping in his chair and glaring down at the pitted surface of the table like it’s done him some personal wrong. 

“You had an argument,” Cas says, gravelly and implacable. 

“You listening in?” 

“It wasn’t a conscious effort. More like an unfortunate inevitability.” 

Dean winces. “Guess we were a little loud at the end there.” 

“Yes.” 

Cas doesn’t ask. He just sits there, drinking his tea. Dean really didn’t intend to spill his guts, but fuck, his thoughts are rattling around in his skull, too loud to hold in. 

“When something’s wrong, you’re supposed to fix it,” Dean blurts out. “Right?” 

“What sort of thing are we talking about here?” 

“Just… she was pissy all day. Fuckin’ quiet, and trying to avoid me, and… fuck, I don’t know, I just kinda snapped eventually. Mighta lost it on her a bit. And she was having one of those days, I guess. Had a nightmare last night.” 

“And… you apologized?” 

“Well, yeah. She just wasn’t having it, said she needed space to sort through it on her own. ” 

“And that bothers you.” 

“Fuckin’... yeah. Because if she’s mad at me, I’m the one who’s gotta fix it, right? I’ve gotta take care of it, I’ve gotta make things right, and she just won’t fuckin’ let me. How the fuck am I supposed to make her feel better if she won’t let me?” 

“Did you ask her that?” 

“Well, yeah. She said it wasn’t anything I could fix, it was just… something she had to deal with. Went to work, wouldn’t let me drive her. The fuck am I supposed to do with that?” 

Cas gives him a look like he’s being the densest motherfucker on the planet. 

Dean scowls down at his glass and takes another sip, trying to sort through the tangle of his emotions. His insides are a mess, disorderly and beyond his control, and it’s infuriating. 

“I wish I could fuckin’ do something,” he says softly, swallowing around the knot in his throat. “I want to just… take care of it for her. Make it better.” 

“Even though she said you couldn’t,” Cas prods. 

Dean shrugs helplessly. “If she’d just let me,” he says feebly, all too aware that he sounds petulant and whiny. 

Cas rolls his eyes. 

“Fuck off, Cas. She’s just… out there. Walkin’ around without me, and I don’t know what she’s thinking, and there’s nothing I can do.” 

“What exactly are you afraid of?” 

Dean bristles. He opens his mouth, closes it again, and then takes a sip of whiskey to cover his confusion. 

“I just don’t like it,” he admits gruffly. “Not being able to do anything.” 

“Did she say she’d be home later?” 

“Yeah. After work.” 

“You know that she loves you.” 

“Fuckin’... yeah, Cas, Jesus.” 

“You believe this is something you’ll work through?”

“Yeah,” Dean says, without hesitation, almost surprised by how much he believes it. 

“You trust her. You know she can take care of herself.” 

“Yes. What… what’s your point?” 

“My point is that she is a grown woman, a remarkably capable and strong one at that, and there are going to be moments when she does not want you to fix her, or take care of her, or make things right for her. Clinging to the illusion of control is only going to make things worse.” 

Dean feels like a fish, opening and closing his mouth stupidly. Part of him wants to get angry; it would be easier than dealing with the uncomfortable ache in his chest. He knuckles at his eyes and takes another drink. 

“Fuck, Cas, don’t sugarcoat it or anything,” he mumbles. “Should never’ve introduced you guys.” 

“I’d say I’m sorry, but…” Cas shrugs. 

Dean makes a face at him. There are a few minutes of comfortable silence as he listens to the ever-present background whisper of the air circulating through the bunker, like the lungs of some gigantic underground beast, and to the steady rhythm of his own heartbeat. 

“I miss her,” he says hollowly. 

Cas gives him a wry little half-smile. “I believe they call this personal growth.” 

Dean scowls. “Don’t patronize.” 

“You weren’t the one slamming the door behind you. You admitted you wanted her to stay. That’s new, for you. Growth.” 

If Cas wasn’t so fucking right, Dean would probably hate him right now. As it is, he has all too many memories of walking out on Cas, or shoving him toward the door…  it’s either cry or laugh, at this point, so Dean digs the heels of his hands into his eyes and huffs out a laugh. 

“Shove it up your feathered ass. You gonna have a drink with me, or what?” 

*

Years ago (probably before he was technically old enough to be meeting girls in bars) Dean met a girl — Sasha? Sandra? — in a bar. He doesn’t remember her name, but he remembers the freckles on her pale shoulders and the long corkscrew curls that framed her face when she lay down, like a tangled halo on the pillow. 

After, as they caught their breath, Dean played with her hair, twisting one curl around his finger and releasing it again, fascinated by the way it bounced back into its spiral. He remembers putting his arms around her and telling her she was beautiful, and he remembers that she looked away, eyes suddenly shuttered. 

“It’s okay,” she said softly, and started looking for her shirt. “You don’t have to pretend it means anything. That was fun.” 

He learned quickly, from her and from others, what was expected of him. They wanted him to be confident, if not cocky; strong, but not too rough; kind, but not exactly sweet… they wanted him to be charming, and fun, and not much more than that. Above all, they wanted him to leave. 

He learned. Leaving became second nature. Leaving was better than waiting around for the inevitable day that they would leave. 

Women didn’t want tenderness or romance, at least not from him. Maybe they wanted those things from someone who might stick around, but Dean would never be that guy. Dean might be the thrilling story they told their friends the next day, a fondly scandalous memory, just dangerous enough to feel like an adventure: I can’t believe I did that. 

He learned to take what he could get. He learned to separate the emotional from the physical. He learned to hold back, to tell stories without showing the scars they’d left, to share tiny slices of the truth without ever really revealing the messy whole. He learned to wall off his soft, vulnerable places. Nobody wanted to see those. 

It was easy to put those walls up, even easier to hide behind them. Dean started to think he was safe there. He thought his carefully constructed fortress was stronger than any storm. Then she happened. 

She keeps proving him wrong. Dean’s getting used to it. 

*

She still hasn’t gotten home yet, by the time Dean bids a bleary-eyed goodnight to Cas. She had the late shift, and he knows that, but his stomach is jittering cold under the blanket of whiskey heat, and he doesn’t expect sleep to come easy. 

He hears the echo of Cas’s voice as he tumbles into bed: you know that she loves you. 

He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. 

When he wakes up in the middle of the night, there’s wet heat and suction enveloping his cock, and he’s thrusting up into her mouth helplessly, rock-hard, gasping her name into the darkness before he’s fully conscious. Dean’s caught in the limbo between waking and sleeping, trying to separate reality from his dreams, but this feels too good to be a dream. Dean’s never dreamed anything this good. 

She’s rubbing her thumb along the cut of his hipbone, stroking sweetly even as her tongue does something that should probably be illegal. He reaches down and grabs her hand, lacing their fingers together, and she lets out a low, pornographic moan, her throat vibrating around the head of his cock. 

“C’mere,” Dean pleads, hoarse and sleep-slurred. She pulls off with an obscene slurping sound and crawls up his body. She must’ve taken off her jeans before she got in bed, but she’s still wearing her shirt and underwear, and Dean’s pretty sure he hears something rip as he wrestles with the fabric. If the harsh way she’s panting is any indication, she doesn’t care either. 

“I’m sorry,” she says fiercely. 

“Missed you,” he whispers. His voice sounds broken, pathetic, but it doesn’t matter; she’s here, warm and soft in his arms as they fumble in the darkness. 

She’s finally naked, straddling him, and Dean reaches for her blindly, pulling her down for a kiss that’s more of a clash of teeth when they both misjudge the angle. Dean wraps an arm around her lower back and crushes her to his body, fisting the other hand in her hair, holding on for dear life as they exchange deep, bruising, biting kisses. She clings right back, fingers stroking his jaw and his neck like she’s trying to read the Braille of his skin and bones. 

Dean’s breathless by the time she breaks the kiss to wriggle back and line up. His eyes have adjusted enough that he can see the faint silhouette of her body, charcoal against jet-black, but the important thing is the way she feels, like solid ground or safe harbor in a storm. 

He thrusts up helplessly, stuttering out a nonsense string of vowel sounds as she takes him in all at once, slick and welcoming. Dean’s spine bows with the way it drags pleasure from every part of his body, wrenching and twisting through him, winding him tight. She leans in and rests her forehead against his, so close they’re breathing the same air. Dean digs his fingers into her hips and feels the way she flutters around him, smooth silky wet skin, living heat, pulsing like a heartbeat as his body answers with its own heavy thud of arousal.  

“You came home,” he chokes out. 

“Of course I did,” she says. 

She rocks her hips and Dean surges up to meet her, grinding in deep, pulling her down against him. He’s closer to her than he’s ever been to another person, and it’s never close enough. 

Home. 

*

Dean considers himself a giver, when it comes to sex. 

It’s always been a point of pride: no matter how casual it was, no matter how easy it was to walk out the door afterward, he put his partner first. Not like it was a fucking chore, anyway. He’s heard stories, heard the way women talked about other men, and it genuinely confuses him sometimes; those men have no idea what they’re missing. 

It’s not often, in his line of work, that he gets to make people just feel good. He hasn’t brought anything positive into the lives of most people he’s met; he’s brought danger, and bloodshed, and nightmarish fucking violence. Those rare moments when Dean can bring someone pleasure, instead, have always felt like a gift. 

He remembers the first time he figured it out, the way the girl (Jenny? Jessie?) sounded when he found the right spot, the face she made, the way she twitched around his fingers, and he remembers the awed, wonder-struck glow in his chest. He remembers thinking, I did that. It was satisfying in a way that had nothing to do with his own orgasm. 

Getting off is great and all, but Dean’s never cared too much about comfort or pleasure. He takes a utilitarian approach to the basic needs of his own body, whether it’s sex, food, sleep, or whatever else. He’s always been fine with his hand, a burger, and four hours of shuteye on a crappy motel bed. He’s never asked for much more than that. 

Watching someone else enjoy themselves, though? That’s worth taking his time, doing it right, appreciating every moan and every spasm of pleasure that flickers over her features. It’s not so much about what he wants. It’s about what he has to give.  

*

Dean’s never been a morning person, but he’s starting to understand the appeal. It’s just them, in the morning, before they’ve had time to pull on the invisible armor they wear when they have to face the rest of the world. It’s a nakedness he never thought he was capable of. 

He wakes half-sprawled across her, one arm over her chest and a leg hooked over her thigh, like he was worried about her escaping from him in dreams. His face is tucked into the side of her neck. He inhales deep, immersed in the smell of her shampoo and her sweat and her skin. 

He traces the soft lines of her body, running a feather-light touch from the round of her shoulder, across her collarbone, down the center of her chest and then back up to map the curve of the underside of her breast. He rubs his thumb back and forth over her nipple, feeling the skin start to respond to his touch just as she sighs and stirs, and then he trails his fingers down to brush the inside of her thighs, down and up, one and then the other. 

It’s not like he’s trying to tease, he just can’t stop touching her. He could spend eternity running his fingers over her smooth skin, dips and curves and hollows and swells like an entire landscape under his hands. He maps it all, awed, until she’s breathless and squirming. 

In the end she just grabs his wrist and shoves it down, showing him exactly what she wants. She holds him there, cupping her hand over his, rocking up, hot and slick under their entangled fingers. 

Dean waits until she’s trembling, straining, close. 

“On your side?” he whispers, and kisses her cheek. He doesn’t pull his fingers away, just rolls with her and fits himself against her back. She arches, raises one knee, and she lets out this desperate throaty moan when he has to move his hand for a second to adjust, but then he sinks in and he can feel her shudder down to her toes. 

He’s been so focused on her that he didn’t realize how hard he is, but he’s dizzy with it, suddenly, like every drop of blood is rushing to his dick and throbbing, his nerve endings on fire with the searing slippery friction of her body opening up for his. Jesus, he’s so close it should be fucking embarrassing. 

She’s whimpering on every breath, clenching and dripping around him as she grinds into her hand. Dean reaches forward and slides his fingers under hers again, and he can feel the way she squeezes, muscles pulsing in waves of silky heat. He rolls his hips and she arches her back, biting out an anguished sound. 

They’re barely moving, rocking against each other gracelessly without the leverage for more, just a push-pull-shove-tug that builds into something powerful and unavoidable. Dean can feel it pounding through him with every shallow thrust and every little groan. He’s losing control, swamped by the sensations, barely holding on. 

Dean focuses on the way she feels under his fingers, the rhythm, pressing and circling, working her just the way she likes. 

“Not yet,” she gasps, practically writhing in his arms. “Want to feel you.” 

“So fuckin’ close, just -” 

She hisses, grabbing his wrist in a steely-strong grip like a handcuff and forcing his hand away as she snaps, “Dean, come for me.” 

He can’t help himself. It hits him immediately, sucks him under, sweeps him up and whirls him around, until all that’s left is how fucking good it feels: her sweaty skin against his, her soaked cunt squeezing him over and over again as she comes, wringing it out of him, and her fingers bruisingly tight, a bright spark of not-quite-pain around his wrist, as pleasure twists in his gut and spirals out and carries him away. 

He’s dimly aware of the way she’s shaking, the sound of her voice, but it takes a conscious effort to understand the ragged words: “So good, Dean. So fucking incredible, feeling you fall apart for me.” 

They’re both trembling. She loosens her grip on his wrist and brings his hand to her mouth, kissing the center of his palm and then every fingertip in turn. The sweat between them starts to tickle as it cools. 

She turns in his arms, pulling back to look at Dean with a sparkling smile and a curious, level gaze. He can see the gears working behind her eyes, cogs clicking into place, but he can’t for the life of him figure out what she’s seeing as she stares. Then it clears, and she’s just beaming at him, giving him the same open, tender expression he sees every morning when they wake up together. He can see it all over her face, how much she loves him. 

Dean’s not sure what he did to deserve that smile, but he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to earn it. 

*

He’s heard it so many times: take care of your brother.

It wasn’t just Sam, though. It was always very clear to Dean that being a man, being strong, meant protecting others. It meant making the hard choices, putting on a brave face, shouldering the weight so that others didn’t have to… no matter how he felt, no matter how hard it was sometimes, his job was to take care of the people he loved. 

He remembers smiling, hugging his mom, trying to make her smile again: It’s okay, Mom. Dad still loves you. I love you, too. 

He remembers putting a hand on his dad’s shoulder, looking into bloodshot eyes: It’s okay, Dad. I’m really glad you’re home. 

He remembers setting his jaw, holding his head high: Shoot first, ask questions later. Watch out for Sammy.  He remembers that curt, military nod he got in return: That’s my man. 

So that’s what Dean did. He protected people. When he loved someone, he did whatever it took to keep them safe. It was the foundation on which he built his entire life; it was the cornerstone of every structure, every wall, everything that held him up and held him together and kept him from falling apart. 

You’re going to be okay, Sammy. I’ve got this. I’m okay. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got it all under control. 

Then she happened. He couldn’t keep her safe from himself. He failed. 

He tried to push her away, after. He tried to rebuild all those walls, for her sake, but she just knocked them down again. She demolished everything, right down to his crumbling foundations, and she loved him not in spite of what she saw in the wreckage, but because of it. 

Dean has always believed that he isn’t a man, isn’t strong, isn’t worth loving, if he can’t protect the people around him. She claims he’s wrong. He was skeptical, at first, but she keeps coming home to him; it’s hard to argue with that. They’re building something new together, and it feels solid. 

*

“Get your fucking moose hands off me, Sam, I’m fine,” Dean snarls. “Motherfucker, you’d think I never needed stitches before. Stop fussing.” 

Sam lets go of his arm with a huff, and Dean sits down on the bed a little harder than he meant to. 

“Welcome home,” she says flatly from the doorway. 

“Maybe you’ll have better luck with him, I give up,” Sam growls. He shoulders past her, closing the door behind himself. 

“It’s really not a big -” 

“Lie the fuck down, you moron,” she snaps, eyes blazing. “Bad enough you have to go and get yourself half-torn to pieces. If you make things even worse because you’re too fucking stubborn to deal with basic first aid, I swear to god -” 

She’s got that face on, the one that means it’s pointless to argue.  

“Okay. Okay, see? Lying down. Jesus.” 

Dean settles back against his pillows, trying to hide his wince as the movement sets off shooting pains down his side. She stands next to the bed, looking down at him, and her jaw is set as she takes in the big gash across his ribs and the swollen punctures in his shoulder, visible through the shredded, blood-stained remains of his shirts. 

“We’re gonna have to take care of that,” she says briskly, but her voice is shaking. Dean can see the fear in her eyes, and guilt twists in his ribcage. 

“I can deal with it,” he protests automatically. “It’s not a big deal, I’m fine, you don’t have to -” 

“Dean,” she interrupts. “Don’t. It’s me.” 

I’m fine, it’s not a big deal, I don’t need you. It’s the first line of defense, has been for as long as Dean can remember. In all those years, she’s the first person who really bothered to break through. She makes it look easy, too, like a tornado going through a crooked old fence. 

Dean feels off-kilter and flayed bare, suddenly. Now that he’s not bothering to keep up appearances, he just feels raw inside, like the monster clawed something deeper than his skin. 

She bustles around for a moment, gathering up bandages and antiseptic, and Dean’s throat feels too tight. He missed her. He always misses her, and now instead of letting him hold her, kiss her, touch her, she has to patch him up… and part of him is so pathetically grateful that he doesn’t have to do it himself, even though he knows that he could. He can take care of himself. He should be the one taking care of her. 

He just wants to hold her. He wants to reassure them both that he’s still breathing, that he’s home, that he’s safe. 

She comes back with scissors. She gently moves the ruined flannel aside and then snips up the front of the t-shirt, biting her lip intently and then scowling as she pulls the fabric away from his skin to reveal the livid bruises that are already blossoming across his chest. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he tries. His voice cracks on the last word, and her eyes snap up to meet his gaze. She opens her mouth to argue, pauses, frowns, then closes it again. 

She’s studying him. Dean feels a prickle of embarrassment, cheeks flushing under the weight of her stare. 

“What is it?” she asks softly. 

He wants to say, just come here, hold me. He can’t seem to force the words past his lips. 

Dean raises his less-injured shoulder in the barest suggestion of a shrug. It hurts. He rolls his eyes at himself and clenches his jaw. He can’t quite look at her. 

She watches for another second, and then she sighs, putting the scissors down on the nightstand. 

“Okay,” she whispers. “Can you sit up? At least help me get that off you.”

She slides into bed carefully, doing her best not to jostle him, and Dean sits up, gritting his teeth against the pain. She helps him ease the remains of both shirts off his shoulders and then tosses them aside. Dean settles back, fitting himself under her outstretched arm, shifting slightly onto his good side so that he can rest his cheek on her chest. He has to squeeze his eyes shut tight to ignore the way they’re burning. 

“I’m really glad you’re home,” she says, hoarse and fervent. She brings her free arm up to cup her hand to his cheek, and her thumb brushes back and forth in a soothing, mindless rhythm. 

Dean wants to apologize, wants to reassure her, wants to thank her… he fucking hates scaring her. 

He wants to promise that he’ll never scare her again, but that would be a lie. He wants to ask why she bothers, but they’ve had that conversation one too many times before; Dean’s starting to accept that there’s nothing he can do or say to convince her that she’d be better off without him. She’s stubborn that way. 

“I love you,” she says softly. “I got caught up. I’m sorry.”

Jesus, Dean can barely breathe. 

He wants to ask, What did I do to deserve you? He wants to ask, How do you always know? 

“Just for a minute,” he whispers. 

“As long as you want. I’m not going anywhere.” 

He’s choking on all the things he wants to say, variations on thank you and I’m sorry and I love you. 

He listens to her heartbeat, feels the rise and fall of her chest under his cheek, takes in the smell of her shampoo, and he reminds himself that he’s home. 

It’s nothing like the home he used to dream of; he lives in a bunker, no fucking picket fence in sight. He’s bleeding from a half-dozen places, and no matter what he might think in the brief stretches of peace between apocalypses, he’s never really safe. 

In this quiet moment, she could be mistaken for the soft sort of woman he used to imagine falling in love with, but she’s so much more than that. This tornado of a woman is sharp and tough and smart enough to break through every wall of bullshit he hides behind, and it’s terrifying, being exposed like that, but Dean wouldn’t have it any other way. 

It’s not what he pictured, but this is home. This is love. 

He doesn’t say anything. He has a feeling she’ll understand anyway; she always does. 

.

.

Next part is here. 

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If you enjoyed this, please reblog or leave a note here! 

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[hoardcloneheadcanons]

The Season 1 Villain: Mr. Blackwood

Summary [ A time travelling Martin Blackwood accidentally bullies his past counterpart and a young Jonathan Sims into getting together in order to gang-up on him]

 Yesterday Is Here is a time-travel fix-it fic of the Magnus Archives by CirrusGrey found on AO3 that I highly recommend. It helps emotionally cope with the tragedy of the actual series and it’s very well written.

I have my own ideas on what would happen in the fic if the time travel went slightly different and Martin showed up first, which now lives rent-free in my head as an AU to an AU. I’m hoping by writing it down I can free myself of it’s grip over me. If you don’t want spoilers for the fic, or seasons 1-4 of the Magnus Archives, stop here.

 In the fic Jon and Martin from the Archives have been married and survived the apocalypse together. Both use the Helen’s doors to travel back in time to season 1 of the Magnus Archives and prevent most of the tragedies from happening. Jon uses his spooky Archivist Powers to threaten Elias, extorting him for money and preventing the appocolypse. And both Martin and Jon dispose of the main villains of season 1 and 2.

But some shenanigans happened in Helen’s doors that make it so Jon shows up first and Martin doesn’t show up until two months later. Here’s my idea of what would happen if those positons got reversed.

-The Archival Staff call Future Martin Mr. Blackwood to differentiate him from their present-day Martin. I will also be doing so, from here on out.

-Jon is, of course, skeptical, and keeps insisting that this must be some long lost brother of Martin’s who is trying to scam them (Or even his father, despite Mr. Blackwood not looking much older than Martin). Mr. Blackwood proceeds to list small intimate details about each of them (how they take their tea, things that happened their last birthday. Stuff that would be very essentially Martin to know) but also sounds very impatient the entire time. He does not have time for Jon’s feigned skepticism and denial and does not hide it.

-It becomes clear very quickly to the Archival staff that Mr. Blackwood is a lot meaner than Martin. He doesn’t make tea for people unless he’s trying to corner them to talk to them, He’s willing to kill spiders rather than release them. Murder doesn’t seem that out of the question for him. And while both Martin and Blackwood are big people, Matrin Hunches and keeps his voice soft and tries to seem smaller. Blackwood does none of that and will push his way through people and/or loom sometimes.

-As a result Tim starts jokingly referring to him as the Anti-Martin. When Mr. Blackwood starts mentioning that there should be a Mr. Sims showing up, Tim insists on making a list of traits that he bets  Mr. Sims will have based on him being an “Anti-Jon”. The traits include: Wearing only bright colors, not-giving a fig about archive policy, believing all the statements (even the dumb ones), smiling, being nice to Martin, being social and (on a day where Jon was being particularly annoying) being cool.

-A few of them are totally off the mark, but many of them are actually frighteningly close to the truth.

-He ropes Sasha into it too. They decide together that Sims and Blackwood have a one-sided relationship where Sims is absolutely besotted and Blackwood either barely tollerates him or is seducing him for his Head Archivist pay.

(It’s funny because Jon isn’t making much more than any of the Archival Staff)

-Blackwood is fairly nice to Sasha who is reasonable and listens to relevant threats. Tim appreciates him for confirming and advancing the research he’s done on Robert Smirke and the Circus. But Martin and Jon hate him. He bullies them both in different ways.

-Blackwood keeps trying to convince his younger self to grow a spine, make some boundaries. He keeps trying to tell him that he can’t fix things by being nice to everyone. Martin does not appreciate it.

-Mr. Blackwood will occasionally talk like Martin’s Mum and it makes it hurt more. Not exact sentiments or sentiments but familiar phrasing and tones. Blackwood doesn’t know he’s doing it.

-Meanwhile Blackwood takes away all the “real” statements from Jon (the ones that won’t record on the computer) and spreading them out amongst the archive staff. He insists that reading them will turn Jon into an eldritch creature that feeds on human trauma and gives people nightmares. Jon thinks this is a load of absolute bull. (If you must read them, Jon, at least don’t read them outloud. Type them up or something. Don’t be stupid.)

-Jon’s the type of person who needs to know and asks all the uncomfortable questions, so having someone take away the only real information bothers him. Even if Tim, Sasha and Martin have the information it still bothers him to not know.

-Jon is also really insecure about deserving his job, and desperately trying to prove himself. So having a man burst in and tell him how to do his job stings.

-Mr. Blackwood also isn’t delicate when pointing out Jon’s skepticism is dumb. He says all the things Martin thinks but is too polite to say.

(”I’m sure there’s a very natural reason for Carlos Vittery to be wrapped up in spider webs upon his death”

“Are you serious? Jon, if you keep up this ridiculous denial you’re going to walk yourself right into something’s mouth just to prove a point. Or worse, send someone else into it. And you of all people should know supernatural spiders are dangerous.

“What do you mean, I of all people?”

“I think you know what I mean, Jon.”)

-Jon and Martin actually end up hanging out because they bond over their mutual dislike of Mr. Blackwood.

-Jon defends Martin agains Mr. Blackwood and vice-versa.

-The first time it happens, it’s Jon defending Martin and Mr. Blackwood acts surprised.

-(I don’t know why we should trust you. Even if all this supernatural nonsense is true there’s no reason we should take you’re word on how it works! You barge into the archives telling everyone what to do, fear mongering with tales of secret societies trying to cause the apocalypse, you upset Martin all the time “for his own good, you-”

“-wait, wait wait- Martin?” “When did you start caring about Martin?”

“What do you mean? He’s one of my archival assistants, of course I care about him.”

“Jon, you bully him more often than I do.”

“I-No I don’t.”

“You make it very clear what you think of his work and competence, Jon. And you send him to all the worst assignments. He let’s it happen because he knows he’s not the best at research, and he knows you’re under pressure from Elias, and he really tries not to take it personally, but it hurts him Jon. It builds up and it hurts him, even if he never says it does. So yes, forgive me if I think you’re being a bit hypocritical.”)

-Jon apologizes to Martin after that and really tries to be nicer because he does not like the idea that he’s as bad as Mr. Blackwood. He watches what he says around Martin a lot more closely after that, and keeps an eye on Martin’s reactions.

-Jon will tell Martin that he thinks he’s nothing he’s like Mr. Blackwood. He doesn’t see how they could be the same person. Martin is so caring, and helpful, and kind, and warm, and Blackwood isn’t. Jon is so wrapped up in his frustration that he does not know Martin is blushing as he says this. Martin suddenly has to go make a cup of tea. Right then.

-The next time it’s Martin defending Jon against Blackwood. Blackwood is happy that Martin is starting to assert himself but is exasperated that it’s only occuring because of his own failed attempts to get the archive staff to trust him. He suddenly wants his own Jon to come back so badly so he can tell him how ridiculous this entire situation is. So they can laugh together at how Blackwood advanced their younger counterparts’ relationship progress by at least 3 years by accidentally becoming the villain of their story, so Jon can tease him about it.

-The third time it’s Jon once again defending Martin, saying that Blackwood went too far, that he sounds like Martin’s mother and he made him cry. Mr. Blackwood realizes that, yeah he does absolutely sound like his mum and he has to leave and reasses his actions. He hadn’t realized he was picking up her specific way of critisizing-well-himself. It’s just how he talked to himself in his own head- which- well- which wasn’t great.

-Jon is so surprised that he managed to actually get one-up on Mr. Blackwood that he takes everyone out for drinks and insists on paying. Which is a nice distraction for Martin. 

-It also, Blackwood notices, means Jon is getting closer to his archive staff and hanging out with them. It gives him a bittersweet hapiness. He’s so happy that they’re all closer in this timeline, that he managed to force Jon into socializing and Martin and Jon to get close. But he realizes he did it by being the outsider and interloper that they’re defending against, and he’s not quite part of this new group of the archive staff. He’s happy for them, just lonely. Even Sasha and Tim, who he gets along with more than Jon or Martin, are wary to trust him. He’s not telling them everything. He has to fight against Elias without the aid of spooky Eye powers and he’s unsure of when Elias is listening, so he’s not mentioning everything. He’s not telling them who killed Gertrude Robinson. He’s being evasive on the reasons he does not trust Elias, and about what power succeded at causing the apocalypse.

-As the days go by with no sign of His Jon/ Mr. Sim’s coming back his old connection to The Lonely intensifies and he becomes able to turn invisible and go by unnoticed again. The archive staff notice that he becomes spookier and sadder and- slightly less human and it decreases their trust in him.

[Check My Blog for a Part 2. I am writing this in one sitting, but this particular document has become long enough.]

[ronninoir]

Can I Steal You For A Second? Chapter 30

Summary: Adrien is forced to participate in a new dating show, but becomes more excited when Ladybug says she’ll participate as her civilian self.

AKA: AU where Adrien doesn’t know Marinette, the superheroes are 22 and Gabriel is mean and ruthless but not Hawkmoth.

Read on AO3

Start from the beginning Chp 1 on AO3

Marinette was excited when she was finally allowed to get ready for the rose ceremony. She had spent the last four days doing absolutely nothing in the mansion all by herself and she was losing her mind. Even if this rose ceremony meant Juliette going home, since Lucie and Lila had to stay, thanks to Gabriel Agreste. Saying goodbye to Juliette would be horrible, but at least the other girls would come back to the mansion and she wouldn’t be alone anymore after tonight. 

They were doing this rose ceremony differently and it was actually happening outside of the mansion. That excited Marinette even more since she was actually getting to leave the mansion. She put on a dark blue dress with a low sweetheart neckline with skinny straps and a high slit on her right leg. This dress gave her the illusion of curves which her Ladybug physique didn’t allow for and Marinette was grateful for the thicker material that could hide her shaking hands as she watched Adrien send home another one of her best friends.

The SUV deposited her outside of an airplane terminal and Marinette instantly became nervous. Tikki was hidden in the folds of her dress, but she wasn’t prepared to travel anywhere, especially since Adrien would probably be going with her. Which would then leave Paris unprotected. Marinette was on the verge of a freak out when she noticed Chris Harrison standing next to the terminal, smiling at Marinette.

She walked up to him and gave him a warm smile. “Marinette,” he said, gently pulling her into a hug.

“Hi, Chris.” Marinette responded before pulling away. She was very grateful that Chris had decided to travel over to Paris for their season, as he had been a steady force and a constant reminder that these things do work and that everything can end up okay in the end.

“How are you?”

“Good, I’m good.”

“How are you feeling?”

Marinette paused, not wanting to sound too confident, “I’m okay. Nervous but excited to see Adrien again tonight.”

“You don’t seem nervous,” Chris pointed out with a smile.

Marinette laughed, “That’s because I’m very good at hiding it.”

“Do you think you had a good week?”

Marinette thought back to everything that had happened that week and couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. “I didn’t get to travel as much as I’d like,” she said with a wink, to which Chris chuckled, “But I think my Hometown turned out really well.”

“I like the confidence, Marinette.” Chris said with a gentle smile, “Go ahead and follow the red carpet and find your spot.”

“Thank you,” Marinette replied as she did as she was instructed. She followed the red carpet into the terminal and she felt herself take in a breath as she laid eyes on what was inside.

It was covered in lights and lanterns and candles. The lights were soft enough to set the mood and also give the room a warm color. As she continued on the red carpet to her name spot, she noticed the three roses sitting on a podium made of a handsome dark wood, as well as Lucie patiently waiting for the other girls to arrive and elegant in a light pink.

After Marinette stopped on her marked spot, she waited less than a minute for Juliette to arrive. Juliette had the same look of awe as she walked towards their spots that Marinette had, and when she stopped she gave Marinette a smile and a small wave. Marinette waited for Lila to appear soon after Juliette, but she didn’t come. After a couple of minutes, Marinette leaned over to Juliette and whispered, “Do you think something happened to her?”

Juliette shrugged and whispered back, “Maybe she just wanted to make an entrance.”

Just then, they heard a car door shut from outside and both Marinette and Juliette rolled their eyes. So very typical of Lila to be late.

Instead of Lila, however, they were treated with the beautiful sight that was Adrien. He was dressed in a crisp suit with a dark grey button down and a black tie. He didn’t look confused to see only three girls gathered and Marinette knew that something must have happened.

“Good evening ladies,” Adrien said as he hit his spot right next to the roses. “This week definitely gave me a lot more than I thought was possible going into it. To be able to go meet your families, and just have such amazing conversations with all of them is more than I could have hoped for.” Adrien took a deep breath, and there was something off about his expression, but Marinette couldn’t pinpoint what it was. “As you may have noticed, Lila is not currently with us tonight.” Marinette’s gaze snapped back to the spot that should have been Lila’s. She had almost forgotten that it was empty because of Adrien’s entrance.

“It was discovered at my meeting with her parents that Lila had been intimately involved with one of our crew members for almost the entire duration of the show’s filming.” Marinette felt her jaw drop, and noticed that Lucie and Juliette looked the same. “She was promptly removed from the competition and sent home with her parents.” A small smirk creeped its way across Adrien’s face and Marinette realized what was off with his expression. He was trying very hard to keep a smile off of his face.

It all made sense. Lila’s constant sneaking around and being up at crazy hours at night. How she noticed Marinette sneaking off with Plagg the night of the Task, she was up and actively participating in something that, if caught, would have gotten them in serious trouble. Any slight noise or movement would have put them on high alert and that was when Lila discovered Marinette sneaking out. This also must have been the dirt that Sasha had on Lila, which makes sense because Sasha’s room had been right next door to Lila’s this whole time. She would have heard the noises and eventually put two and two together.

Adrien must have been ecstatic to get rid of Lila, the biggest problem child on this show. His Father’s second favorite being eliminated for a reason even he couldn’t argue with.

“With that being said,” Adrien started, jerking Marinette from her trance. She glanced at the two girls on either side of her. Lucie was fully in shock and looked uncomfortable by the idea of what Lila had done. Juliette, on the other hand, looked so excited she was like a kid in a candy store. “Juliette,” Juliette walked slowly up to Adrien, clearly trying to appear calmer than she actually was. “Juliette, will you accept this rose?” Juliette nodded and gave Adrien a hug before walking back to her spot next to Marinette, rose in hand.

“Marinette,” Adrien called and she walked up to him, giving him an encouraging smile. “Marinette, will you accept this rose?” Marinette whispered an, “Always,” before giving Adrien a hug. As his face was buried in her hair, he whispered, “I’ll tell you everything on Sunday, I promise.” Marinette just smiled at him as they broke apart and returned to her spot. Once Lucie’s rose was given out, the girls watched Adrien walk out and get into a car before they were ushered into theirs.

Juliette broke the minute the car door shut. “Oh my God I cannot believe that is what that girl was up to!” She shrieked and giggled.

“It makes total sense, though,” Marinette added. “Between the lying and the bullying and how desperate she was to stay on the show.”

“All of her actions have never made sense, but it does knowing that Adrien wasn’t the guy she was really here for.” Juliette finished with a devious smile.

“I just can’t believe she would do that to Adrien,” Lucie said, still in shock about the whole thing. Marinette and Juliette nodded, letting the silence sit for a moment as they realized how much Adrien had been played.

“On the bright side,” Juliette said, finally breaking the growing silence, “that snake is gone and we won’t be stuck in a hotel room by ourselves anymore!”

Marinette and Lucie laughed. “The mansion is a lot creepier when there aren’t any other living beings inside of it with you,” Marinette admitted, causing another laugh to escape from Juliette. 

Once they made it to the mansion, the other two girls’ suitcase delivered while they were out, Juliette poured the three of them each a glass of champagne. “To the death of the Snake!”

Lucie and Marinette repeated the toast and drank to the end of Lila’s reign on their lives.

                     ----------------------------------------------------

Sunday’s patrol was wonderful. Chat gave Ladybug all of the wonderful details about Lila’s hometown and how it feels to finally be rid of her.

“I feel as though a major weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can finally act as though I’ve seen how messed up she was and how glad I am to have her out of my life.” Adrien was saying and Marinette completely agreed.

“Last night the three of us toasted to Lila’s disappearance and I can honestly say that finding that out about Lila was one of the happiest moments I’ve ever had on this show.”

Chat looked offended at that statement and the look caused Ladybug to laugh. She reached over and scratched behind his ear, which she knew was a weak spot for him, “Don’t worry Chaton, all the other top five moments involve you.”

He leaned into her touch for a little bit before sitting up and becoming suddenly very serious, “I know this isn’t what you were expecting to hear tonight, but I just wanted to apologize for ever trusting Lila and doubting you.” Chat said, sheepishly looking at the ground and refusing to meet Ladybug’s eyes.

“Oh, Kitty, don’t apologize for seeing the good in everyone. You have a wonderful heart and one of the many things I love about you is how you can see a bright side to everything and everyone.” Chat looked at her then and she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t ever change, Kitty. We may adapt as we grow older and have lived with each other for a while, but don’t ever think to change something so vital to your personality because you want to impress me. I love you just the way you are.”

They shared a moment, where the rest of Paris faded away and it was only those two on the rooftop drinking in the other’s presence. “Thanks Bugaboo for being there for me.”

“Always,” Ladybug promised with a smile. “Can you just promise me one thing?” Ladybug asked, trying very hard to not let her voice shake.

“Of course,” Chat responded, not even doubting her tone.

“Please, please, don’t give me any details about what happens in the other fantasy suites.”

Chat blushed a deep red and looked very uncomfortable suddenly. “Don’t remind me.” He murmured.

“Are they going to make you sleep with anyone?” Ladybug asked, trying very hard to not sound too interested in his response.

“No, thankfully that’s totally up to me.”

“Think you’re going to get lucky?” Ladybug’s tone was joking, but they were slowly working towards a topic they hadn’t discussed just yet.

Chat’s eyes suddenly locked on hers and the intensity in them was blinding, “That all depends on what one particular girl decides.”

Now it was Ladybug’s turn to blush. “We’ve never discussed how we feel on that particular subject.”

“No, we haven’t.”

“So, do you want to talk about it now, or wait until the televised date?” Ladybug asked, secretly hoping he’d say the latter. Anything to get away from this awkwardness that had settled over them at the current moment. 

“Marinette,” Chat said plainly, shocking Ladybug enough with the use of her real name to his full attention. “I want to marry you, tomorrow if this stupid show would let me. I want to have a life with you, where we run Gabriel together or even start up our own company to get out from my Father’s gaze. But, I also want to start a family with you.” He grabbed her hands and scooted closer to her to where their knees were touching. “And I may not be an expert of any sorts, but I’m pretty sure babies don’t come from the sky with the help of storks, do they?”

Ladybug let out a small laugh and leaned forward to rest her head on Adrien’s. “I want all of that with you too Adrien, I just don’t know if the time is right.”

“I don’t know if the time will ever be right, and this isn’t something we have to decide tonight. Whenever our date comes, if it feels like something we want to pursue we can.” Adrien took a deep breath and Marinette felt her hair stir from it. “I can promise you this, though, I will not come close to doing any of that with either of the other girls. We may talk or laugh or even kiss a little, but I swear on my life I won’t let that happen with anyone except you.”

Ladybug let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She trusted Adrien, a lot, but it was still really nice to hear the words come from his mouth, a promise she knew he would keep. They shared a brief kiss before Ladybug broke it apart with an interesting thought that had suddenly surfaced in her mind. 

“You know, there won’t be protection in that room.”

Chat pulled away sharply and raised an eyebrow in a look of question that was insanely hot. “How do you know that?”

She had opened her mouth to respond right as Chat had come to the same conclusion, “Alya,” they said together.

Ladybug shrugged, “Her research is solid; she hasn’t led me wrong yet. Just something to keep in mind.” 

Chat looked uncomfortable at that information, and stood up quickly before offering a hand for her to do the same, “And on that happy note, let’s actually begin patrolling this city.”

~~~

A short one for you all today, but I promise the best is yet to come 

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[twdmusicboxmystery]

The Pattern of the Short-Term Relationships

Okay, today’s post is just to point out the patterns in the short term relationships. Once we started looking, we actually found quite a few of them.

And honestly, I don’t think everyone even needs this anymore. Not as badly as when the spoilers first broke. I love all the Asks you’re sending in. I can tell that everyone is starting to get it. Not like it, of course (I don’t think I’ve found a single member of our fandom that is a fan of this storyline) but everyone is starting to see why they created this arc and where they’re going with it. That’s good.

Okay, so a few of these I’ve talked about before, but I’m going to point out more details than I previously did.

Michonne and Ezekiel:

I’ll start with one I haven’t talked about, though, because it might be the best, most on-the-nost example. @wdway rewatched this scene and it jumped out at her in a big way.

Remember in 10x04, Silence the Whisperers, when Ezekiel and Michonne kissed? We always thought it was just a nod to the fact that they’re together in the comic books, and it probably was. But it’s ALSO a part of this pattern.

Now, granted, I wouldn’t call that a “relationship,” as it only last about 30 seconds, lol. But it still fits the pattern I’m about to show you here.

Afterward, we see the two of them talking and she says it would never have worked out between them. I think she names stubbornness as the reason. He apologizes for kissing her and basically says (I’m paraphrasing here) that he’s just super, super lonely. He’s lost his Kingdom, his reign, his son (Henry) and even Carol. While she’s still in his life, their romantic relationship has dissolved to almost nothing and he says he doesn’t know how to talk to her anymore.

Michonne then launches into this discussion about masks. She tells him about before she met Andrea, how she was just surviving and living like a robot and how it was a mask.

I’m going to talk more about the symbol of the mask, especially around Leah, later in the week. But for now, this is a pattern we almost always see with the short terms relationships.

1. The relationship is unhealthy in some way. Often it’s because it’s not real or not based in something real. One of the two people in it are “pretending” in some way. Sometimes it’s because it’s one-sided.

2. At some point, they realize it and the relationship ends or sometimes it’s the other way around. The relationship ends (usually because the other person dies on the show) but at some point afterward, they realize how toxic the relationship was.

3. Very soon after the short-term, unhealthy relationship ends, they run into their soulmate.

4. Whether the person follows them and/or looks for them is also important. And this manifests differently in each instance, but I’ll explain as we go along.

How does this apply to Michonne and Zeke? The unhealthiness is simply in the fact that the relationship would arise from loneliness. If they did decide to be together, it wouldn’t be because they are actually in love, but simply because they’re so lonely.

The “looking for them” only kind of works here. Michonne followed Zeke because she could tell he was depressed and she was worried about him. And she genuinely does care for him. Just not romantically. But in many of the relationships, the short term person doesn’t look for the other one, which shows a lack of love on their part.

How about running into their soulmate? Well, Zeke’s soulmate is Carol. Only a few episodes later, she learns of his cancer and they sleep together again. Granted, that didn’t exactly represent a renewal of their relationship, but as the season wears on, Carol works through some of her issues and comes back to TF by the end of the season to try and fix things. By then, Zeke has left with Yumiko and Eugene, but I honestly think if he were there, they’d be more or less back together.

For Michonne, this is after the 6 year time jump and she’s been without Rick for that long. And what do you know? Only a few episodes later, she finds his boots and realizes for the first time that he might truly be alive.

So, since they were already with their soulmates before this, it wasn’t a matter of meeting them for the first time. But they’re still on a collision course with them right after this super-tiny short term fling. ;D

Now that you understand the pattern, let’s quickly go through some other examples. I’ll give you the episodes like I did above so you can go back and watch them if you want, as I’m not going to use exact dialogue. Though I’ve watched them all, I didn’t see many exact dialogue parallels. It’s more that they all amount to basically the same thing.

Carol and Tobin:

I went back and rewatched 8x13, Do Not Send Us Astray. This is where Tobin dies. Before he does, he and Carol have a heart to heart. She apologizes for leaving him like she did. She then tells him the reason she did was simply that she was pretending. She was playing house. And when she realized there would probably be a war with the Saviors, things got real, and she couldn’t pretend anymore, so she ran away.

So, it was toxic because it was one-sided. Tobin cared for Carol far more than she did for him. (Poor Tobin, RIP). There’s the pretending or “mask” theme going on. Carol was wearing a mask.

How about looking for her? Well, Tobin did alert Rick that she had left Alexandria in S6, and I believe he would have looked for her because, as we established, he truly did have feelings for Carol. But Rick told him to stay in Alexandria while Rick and Morgan searched for her. I think that was intentional on the writers’ parts. Not because Tobin didn’t care for her, but it was them signaling that because he didn’t actually look for her, this was a short-term, non-soulmate relationship.

And looky here: as soon as she leaves Tobin, she runs into and meets Ezekiel for the first time. Her soulmate.

Enid and Ron:

This one is formatted just a little differently. Enid’s short term relationship was with Ron before she met Carl. It’s different because Enid and Ron never had a heart to heart after breaking up. Rather, they were still technically together when he died. But I did remember that Carl and Enid mentioned Ron once when they were outside the walls together, so I went and found that scene. It’s in 5x15, Try.

The only mention of Ron is brief. Carl says that Ron is a good guy and Enid says, “Yeah, he is.” Then Carl asks if Ron knows she climbs over the walls and spends time on the outside. She says no, that Ron wouldn’t understand. So there it is. Enid is wearing a mask because she doesn’t tell Ron everything about herself. She knows he wouldn’t accept her if she did, so the relationship isn’t terribly healthy. Then Carol goes on to ask her what happened to her before she came to Alexandria. She says it doesn’t matter (total Beth dialogue, btw) and he says it does. That bad things happened to him, too.

So, we simply have to absorb this by deduction. This is less about why it would never have worked out long-term for Enid and Ron, and more about showing us that it’s Carl, rather than Ron, who is Enid’s soulmate. She and Carl understand one another and are alike on a much more fundamental level than she and Ron. They’ve both been through a lot on the outside, lost parents, don’t like to stay in the house…. 😁

You get the idea. Oh, and remember that Carl actually got mad at Ron during 6a (Operation Lead the Walkers Away) because Enid was on the outside and Ron didn’t seem to care. That’s what led to their teenaged slap fight. 😁

So obviously Carl cared more to search for Enid than Ron did. Soulmate!

Jessie and Rick:

Jessie and Rick’s relationship is much like Enid and Ron in that they are technically still together when she died. So once again, they never had a heart to heart about why it wouldn’t have worked out long term. This one we have to deduce based on how the relationship started. The short of it is that Jessie was in an abusive relationship and Rick wanted to save her. Which is perhaps admirable, but not the basis for a healthy romantic relationship. We even had those scenes in 5b where Rick was staring at Jessie and her husband that were, well, kinda creepy. I think that was to show that this relationship wasn’t sweet or romantic or healthy.

If you watch the scene where Jessie dies (6x09) Rick has some weird flashback/illusions. He sees scenes of Jessie from earlier episodes, but they’re bathed in red, which is probably supposed to represent blood. While there’s no dialogue here, so they basically leave us to interpret this however we want, I think this represents Rick’s illusions about Jessie falling away.

I mean, honestly? He basically let her bring Sam with them when he shouldn’t have. Sam was obviously not up to being out in the walker horde, and I think Rick was blinded by his relationship to Jessie when he should have made Sam go with Gabriel. That led to directly to Carl getting shot. So this was his illusions falling away and him getting back to the Rick he needed to be to lead his people and save Alexandria from the walker horde.

Michonne is WAY more Rick’s equal and emotional partner because they’re already on equal footing. While they both save one another frequently and always have one another’s backs, neither of them is a damsel in distress that constantly needs saving, as Jessie did. They’re both strong, capable, leaders. So their relationship is, well, a soulmate one.

And it’s worth noting that, despite a 1-month time jump in the show, Rick and Michonne first hooked up 1 episode after Jessie died. Yes, ONE episode later. Just saying.

Abraham/Rosita:

This was probably the longest short-term relationship on the show, and we could go into all sorts of details and examples. But the short of it is that obviously Rosita loved Abraham much more than he loved her. When he found his soulmate (Sasha) he promptly left her. Which was never fair to her to begin with.

In this case, neither found their soulmate directly after breaking up. Abe had already found Sasha before that, so the pattern is a little hazy, but doesn’t change overall. For Rosita, I think we should look at Siddiq. And again, the sequence is a little weird. We didn’t know about her and Siddiq until we already knew about her and Gabriel, who I’m assuming is meant to be her soulmate. (If you don’t believe me, go back and watch S8 scenes of her and Gabriel talking together in the church after Abraham’s death. It really foreshadows the two of them having a relationship later on.)

But once again, she had a short-term thing with Siddiq that ended amicably in this case. They even mentioned that they both knew they were simply “having fun.” So maybe it wasn’t the most toxic thing if they were both on the same page, but that’s also them admitting it’s not a long-term romantic sort of thing either. And right after ending things with Siddiq, she started a relationship with Gabriel.

Negan and Alpha:

Yeah, really not kidding. I’ll end with this, which @wdway just pointed out to me yesterday, so I thought I’d add it in. Daryl and Negan have a discussion in S10 that actually illustrates this pattern where Daryl is concerned.

In 10x13, Negan and Daryl sit on a log together, and they’re waiting for Carol to come back. We’ve always wanted to connect this scene to Beth, because Negan says, “I don’t mean to be a broken record, but I don’t think she’s coming back.” So, musical/record reference, and the fact that Daryl thinks Beth is dead and not coming back. Now we’re also starting to connect this scene to the Leah stuff. Not only because she apparently disappears on him, but here, Negan is talking about Carol directly. And the spoilers say that Carol leaves Daryl, too, in the midst of the Leah stuff.

But here’s the real thing. Negan is jabbering on about his relationship with Alpha. He says that, at first, even though he knew she was an evil person, he still liked the attention she gave him. In Negan’s case, it was because he’d been sitting in his jail cell for six years, and it was nice to have someone care about him again in any way.

In other words…he was lonely and starved for human affection. Kinda like all the other relationships in this pattern, right?

And there must be a specific reason the writers did this scene with Daryl and Negan rather than anyone else. Honestly, it would have made more sense for Negan to say this to Carol, both because the two of them conspired to kill Alpha together, and because it’s Carol, not Daryl, who has so often worn the mask in her relationships, both romantic and platonic. Daryl, while he can bury his emotions and be aloof, never hides himself behind a mask. He is who he is.

So, @twdway’s theory (and I concur) is that Daryl might have been thinking about Leah during this scene. NOT because he’s in love with her or misses her or anything of the sort, but rather because he applies what Negan is saying to himself and realizes he probably did the same thing with Leah as Negan did with Alpha. He was just lonely, and it was nice to have someone who actually wanted him around. You know, versus Carol.

So yeah, that’s what I have for you today. Hopefully you can see the pattern and where they’re going with this. And of course, because the spoilers still aren’t 100% confirmed, and probably never will be (we’ll just have to wait until we actually see the episode) my opinions on this may change once the episode airs. But overall, I really think Leah will fit into this pattern, which means she’s nothing for us to worry about.

Plus, bonus! If Leah is this for Daryl, he should be running into his soulmate very soon after. Perhaps not literally. Remember that Michonne merely found out Rick was alive. But we’d all be cool if Daryl finds that out about Beth soon, right? 😁

Thoughts?

[ghostmartyr]

how a life can move from the darkness [6/?]

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Summary:  Two drug addicts (Eren and Historia) meet in group and decide to be roommates to make their  living situation slightly less weird. From there we do the slow burn  found family dance mixed in with the struggles and agonies of recovery. Heavy on friendship feels, especially EMA. Eventual yumikuri.

“What the fuck did you do to this thing?”

Eren was in Reiner’s house for breakfast.

He’d been in Reiner’s house earlier, before they left, to drop off Ymir’s book on the dining table. It had felt like the safest way to handle it. He didn’t see how sharing either of the experiences of Ymir’s latest readers with her would do anything good. Ymir was socially aware enough to get what a silent return meant. She didn’t spend hours staring at her phone to send off a, “did you get home ok?” text that arrived when every possible recipient was asleep. She could read between the lines.

The only lines Ymir looked to be caring about were the gouges marking the formerly neatly divided pages. Where they had collided with a door.

There were a few other suggestive wrinkles Eren had not asked about.

Ymir wasn’t interested in that kind of tact.

“It ran into a door,” Eren said, reaching around Bertolt for the orange juice.

“If you were going to use that excuse, you should have spent it on your face. Let the tennis ball take the fall for this.” Ymir was flipping the pages back and forth in disgust. She hadn’t looked at him once after confirming that he had made it inside complaining range.

Reiner had snatched some bacon off the frying pan, and was munching on it happily by the sink. He hadn’t seen anything wrong with the book. Eren didn’t, either. He was surprised she’d noticed. After a day in his backpack, most of his borrowed books from Armin looked about the same.

“It isn’t an excuse,” Eren said around his glass, “it’s what happened.”

Ymir turned the book over and inspected some less explainable marks, about the size of a very tiny human’s fingernail, on the cover. “I suppose this time it’s also your roommate’s fault.”

Eren chose not to answer that.

Ymir chose to use her seventh or eighth sense of mind reading and finally took her eyes off her book long enough to run a scan on Eren.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Eren put his glass down with more force than he intended to, drawing a pointed look from Bertolt. “There are only a few marks on it,” he said. “Everything’s still legible.”

Ymir went on pretending Eren wasn’t in the room while aiming conversation at him. “Has she considered an anger management class? Or sticking to throwing things at you?” Ymir mimed taking aim at him with enough irritation that Eren had to stop himself from ducking. “Why’d she even have it?” she asked. “I thought Reiner gave it to you to stave off your raving curiosity about the wild world of fuzzy hand-holding feelings.”

“I was trying to keep busy,” Eren said.

Ymir flopped the book down on her lap. “Then how did Lady Throws-a-Lot end up with it?”

Eren retrieved a plate of toast for himself, and set to work buttering it.

“…You didn’t read it, did you?”

Bertolt, in some misguided attempt at help or more misguided attempt to make Ymir feel some sort of guilt for forcing her work on people, said, “That’s allowed.”

Ymir ignored him the way none of the rest of them managed with her. “So you tossed it off on your roommate, and she threw it into a door.” She draped herself over the back of the couch, a very deep scowl etched in her face. “Nothing like knowing your art’s appreciated.”

Eren might have felt bad. Only the book had reminded him and everyone who lived with him of some of the worst moments of their lives. Ymir could figure out how to suck up two people not liking her book. Bertolt didn’t exactly keep how he felt about her writing a secret, and they got on fine.

“Wait,” Ymir said suddenly, “is she the one who left that bitchy review on Goodreads?”

Eren didn’t know what Goodreads was. He also didn’t think any of Historia’s thoughts on Ymir’s book were printable.

“She is.”

Eren swallowed his toast. “I have no idea. Is it that weird for you to get a bad review?”

“It’s weird for her to care several days later,” Bertolt muttered.

“It was a pretty bad one,” Reiner interjected. “Most of the people who don’t like her stuff drop her star average and leave it at that. This one went on for paragraphs about where the book went wrong. Being bothered by that isn’t so weird.”

“I’m not bothered,” Ymir said loudly. “Except by Eren’s bad taste existing in a second person on this bitch of an earth. Is that how you ended up living together? ‘Help, keeper wanted. Must have no standards.’”

There was something wrong in the world that in all their time knowing each other, Eren was the only one who’d had something thrown at him. “…That isn’t what happened.”

“Say that again, but in your believable tone of voice.”

Eren crammed the rest of his toast in his mouth and chewed as slowly as he could, keeping his only eye contact with the stove and Bertolt’s tiny, oddly encouraging smile.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ymir slide the book over the coffee table and yank out her phone from her pocket, tapping faster than Eren did when he was successfully holding back from throwing his at something.

Reiner, dipping his head in the sink, looked over at her. “What are you doing?”

“A public service,” Ymir said mildly.

“The last one of those you did put you in jail,” Bertolt said.

Ymir’s fingers stopped moving, and the cloud of irritation surrounding her took a dip into something Eren didn’t think he’d want to handle after a full three meals, forget the middle of the first one. The house suddenly felt too quiet for four people. It was the kind of quiet that fell at meetings after someone opened up more than anyone was ready for.

Reiner had turned the water off, but didn’t grab a towel for his head. He stared down the drain, dangerously pale after the heated flush his workout had treated him to.

“Juvie,” Ymir corrected, tapping a full word out. “Court says I’m a delinquent, not a felon.”

Reiner let out a loud laugh they could all hear the panic in as Eren silently handed him a towel. Bertolt didn’t turn around from his place at the stove.

Eren finished his toast.

He’d never be able to tell Armin, and it wasn’t a good idea to bring it up, anyway.

But like he was about everything else in the known universe, Armin had been right. Moving out was the right call. He had too many ghosts in his head to keep sharing rent with the others.

He didn’t envy Reiner.

----

The thing about Mikasa, the thing that had driven him up the wall for years and years and still could kick off a good sulk if it happened at the wrong moment, was that she was the most amazing athlete Eren had ever met. There wasn’t a sport she couldn’t star in. There wasn’t a race she couldn’t win. There wasn’t a tournament she’d been in that hadn’t handed her some kind of trophy.

Zeke wasn’t going to just pass up on that.

Which was fine. Zeke cutting contact with Mikasa because Eren did had always been an unexpected help, so having it ripped away just as unexpectedly was fine. Zeke hadn’t exactly promised to help pace out Eren’s return to his friendships. Or ever brought it up at all.

All that meant was they were a trio today. Eren, Mikasa, and Historia. Playing catch until the inevitable moment where batting practice started and Mikasa would look at him wondering why his favorite part of practice had turned into something he didn’t make an attempt at.

Eren had done too many pathetic things for lurking behind the park bathrooms on his cellphone to rank anymore. That didn’t mean he was impressed with himself over it.

“You sure you can’t make it?” he asked, pressing his palms into the coarse cinder block wall. “Zeke runs his practices pretty long.”

“The test’s tomorrow,” Armin was saying, sighing. “I don’t want to spend all this time tutoring her only for nerves to ruin it. Sasha thinks she focuses better when I’m here, and…”

He trailed off, guilt and embarrassment saying what he wouldn’t. “She does?” Eren finished for him.

“I’m really sorry.”

“No—don’t—” Eren bit down on his hand to keep from shouting in frustration. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to take Armin apologizing normally again. “No one’s going to drag you out of tutoring to make you watch some boring practice. You’re where you should be.”

The other line stayed quiet for a stretch, catching the hum of the bus Armin was on. Eren made himself not think about that, and didn’t fail completely. That was basically a success.

“Eren, if you need me to be there… for whatever reason, you know I’ll be there.”

Eren’s heart clenched. “I’m fine, Armin.”

Wait, crap, he’d said that before.

“For real, this time.”

Phones were okay, sometimes. He couldn’t see all the memories darkening Armin’s face before he took his breath and changed the topic.

“Maybe we can see a movie to make up for it. If Mikasa gets you to herself, I should too. There’s a new zombie one that just came out. We could go?”

“You hate zombie movies,” Eren said flatly. “You don’t need to baby me, Armin.”

“…I know. Part of me…” Eren braced himself for the hit, but it still hurt. “Part of me is still scared you won’t pick up when I call. I just…” Armin sighed again. “I wish Sasha didn’t have a test tomorrow,” he said. “I don’t want to miss being with you.”

Eren had his forehead against the wall, and his heart hurt better than anything had in a long time. Even when Armin’s embarrassment caught up with him and he started stumbling through his words instead of reciting them off the script in his head.

“So I mean it on the movie. Any time I’m not in class. Or, well, if you wanted, Thursday’s professor isn’t very engaged with the material, so I wouldn’t mind—”

“A movie sounds great,” Eren said.

“…It does?”

“Yeah. It does.” Eren swapped hands. “Only I probably don’t want to watch zombie flicks either. Blood is…” Too much like the images flying through his head whenever he tried to pick up a baseball bat. He pressed harder against the wall, probably scraping his forehead and creating more questions for Mikasa to ask.

“We needed to update our movie list anyway,” Armin said.

Eren frowned sourly. “There’s nothing wrong with our list.”

“There’s a lot wrong with our list.”

He said that every movie night. “Bad special effects are fun, Armin.”

“They’re bad, Eren. Every time we rent one we’re encouraging them to be lazy.”

“Name one movie that’s come out in the last five years you approve of.”

“High standards aren’t a bad thing!”

“If we followed all of them we wouldn’t have a list.”

Eren could hear Armin’s near-silent sigh, and his mouth hurt from smiling.

“You’re sure you don’t need me?”

“Yeah,” Eren said. “Not with this, anyway. You’re still good to have around.”

“Do you want to—” Armin audibly cut himself off.

Talk about it?

This it?

No. Never.

Eren wasn’t looking forward to finding out when that absolute turned out to be just as wrong as all the other ones he’d snapped off during recovery.

Armin would always be Armin, but Eren was only now coming back to being Eren. He couldn’t float on that expectation. He closed his eyes and bit out the truth. “I’m not sure I’ll handle Mikasa worrying about it. It’s nothing huge, but it… it’s a change from before.”

A change he didn’t want to go over with just one of them around. Armin wouldn’t say anything. Eren wasn’t sure Mikasa could resist. Then if she could, it would only be because Eren had lost it on her the last time she’d tried to be good to him, and he wanted that even less than he wanted the questions.

He wasn’t a fan of baseball. Batting practice had always been the thing that made up for it. He couldn’t just hide that falling apart.

He couldn’t come up with a polite way to ask Mikasa to stay out of his problems. That sounded like half their normal arguments from the first note, and they were too far from normal to survive bringing that fight back into the ring now.

Armin’s voice brought him back from his brooding. “I think you know more about change than we do, Eren. Just… try not to yell at her. It will be okay.”

“You think?”

“…Try really hard not to yell at her.”

“Right.”

----

Eren didn’t yell.

He didn’t even get a chance.

Mikasa’s eyes, fragile and dangerous like broken glass, followed him on his way to put his glove in the dugout. Historia, trying to be a good friend and not having any more of a clue than Eren did, had briefly attempted to walk between them, but she seemed even weaker to Mikasa’s aura than Eren was, and broke off on her own before any real difference was accomplished.

She’d stopped pulling down her sleeves. Shadows of track marks slid open with every throw she’d lobbed his or Mikasa’s way, and nothing fell to pieces. Better yet, off in their own triad in the outfield, no one asked invasive questions about it.

After the conversation with Armin, he’d been more jealous than happy for her, but that had to be some kind of good sign.

Then Yelena had signaled them for batting practice, and Eren hadn’t hid his furtive look at Mikasa well enough, and that had snapped Historia’s worried eyes to both of them, and there was something fucked about wanting the people he lived for to just go away and be gone for a second, but he didn’t yell.

Leaving Mikasa watching him in silence, weighing her worry against all of the horrible wrongs he’d put her through once and could easily drag both of them back into if they didn’t keep their mouths shut around each other.

Worry was winning out. It was written all over her face, worse than with Armin. Because worry always won because she was the responsible, good one, and Eren wasn’t going to yell but his head was screaming, wanting his pills like he hadn’t in weeks—when Zeke walked over and lobbed a helmet Mikasa’s way.

“Eren’s out for batting practice. You’re up first, Mikasa.”

Worry turned to annoyance like only Zeke could bring out in her, and Eren’s fists relaxed enough for him to feel his hands again.

She put the helmet on and took up a bat, looking back at him one last time on her way out, but not broaching the unspoken topic further.

“She reminds me of Frieda,” Historia said, technically sitting next to him, but leaving enough space that anyone else who wanted to sit next to Eren still could.

“Wow,” Eren said. “High praise from you.”

Zeke started with a fastball. Mikasa fouled it off. The crack of the bat hurt Eren’s ears.

“She worried too much. I could never make it go away.”

Another fastball, another foul. Zeke didn’t usually throw that hard for the first batter.

“I still can’t.”

Zeke was going to go for a curveball after he worked Mikasa into a rhythm with her swings. Zeke liked the game part of the sport, and he’d liked winding Mikasa up ever since her cousin had punched him in the face. Mikasa would get the hit in the end, though. Batting practice, not pitching practice. Zeke took his baseball seriously.

“Armin told me to try not to yell at her,” Eren said.

Historia didn’t comment. Her fingers were digging silently into her scarred arms.

“It was never just that,” he said, “but trying not to yell at her used to take a lot of pills.”

Zeke finally threw his curveball, and Mikasa sent it flying back over his head. Colt sprinted back to the center field fence, but he’d need to be several yards taller for that to matter any.

She ripped off her helmet so fast she probably ripped out some of her hair, and she didn’t spare Zeke any attention on her way back to the dugout, Eren being personally rewarded all of it. She slipped into the space Historia had left her without question and stared at him. He stared over her shoulder and thought about a life where it didn’t make him think of orange bottles that didn’t belong to him.

Historia leaned back against the splintery planks walling them all together, a tiny—sympathetic when she noticed Eren’s irritated scowl—twitch that could have really been a smile on her face.

Mikasa spoke, and it wasn’t what he expected.

“Are you still okay?”

It was the highest mark of Mikasa’s approval that she didn’t lower her voice out of Historia’s range to go with the rest of the dugout’s, and Eren would love her for that if he ever stopped feeling like an inadequate idiot whenever Mikasa unveiled herself in all her steady perfection. Eren kept his mouth shut because all he could think of was ways to hurt her, and she opened hers up and actually found a thing that could keep him from wanting to yell.

He would never deserve these people.

He could still try.

“It’s a Dad thing,” he said, the truth making his mouth itch and the lightning bolt of surprise Mikasa couldn’t hide making his heart and knuckles ache. “Not a drug thing.”

They all quietly watched Yelena step up to the plate, not-so-casually looking back at their shadowed corner before she hefted the bat over her shoulder. Eren thought about glaring, but Historia hadn’t noticed anything about Yelena’s overt curiosity, and Historia not noticing was fine for their stabilizing sanity.

“Does Zeke know?” Mikasa asked.

“I don’t think he’d want to.” The funeral was one of the clearer memories Eren had from afterwards. Zeke was a blur in it. He’d asked once how Eren was feeling. Then he’d left. Then he’d taken him to rehab.

Historia caught his eye sharply.

Eren shrugged at her and watched Yelena hit a clean line drive. There wasn’t much to say about it. Historia had been right. That wasn’t what she’d been getting at, but it was what was there. Mikasa was his Frieda. Zeke was just his brother.

His big brother, who watched bad movies with him when he had a lousy day and never talked about feelings. Not his, not Eren’s, not…

Not their dad’s.

Zeke wouldn’t want to hear about why his death took away pitching for his little brother.

----

“Frieda never wanted to talk about it either.”

Eren was eating his cheerios with what Armin used to call his morning glower when Historia plopped across from him with her bowl. Neither of them was having a cooking morning. Eren had stayed in his room the whole night, but Historia had already been up when he walked out, texting someone under Benjamin’s tank. He would have assumed Frieda, but Frieda kept some strange hours that didn’t include sunrise.

“I didn’t know you had friends,” he’d said, waving good morning to Benjamin.

Historia had stopped typing mid-sentence, stared at him long enough for Eren to wonder if maybe the reason she was up was because she’d never gotten any sleep, and said, “I don’t.”

It wasn’t a talking morning, either. He’d thought.

Historia, stirring milk into the cereal she wasn’t eating, had maybe changed her mind about that.

“Talk about what?” Eren asked.

“How I killed our father.”

The crunch of the cheerios in Eren’s mouth sounding like steel grinding on steel. He swallowed and dropped his spoon back in the bowl.

He sometimes thought the reason Historia didn’t talk during group was because her head couldn’t figure out when it’d been given the okay to talk about things, so she just took random guesses that landed these conversations wherever there was space for them. With some weird definition of space that included the other person being in an entirely different ballpark when she started swinging.

He was spending too much time near Zeke.

“She saw the police report, and everyone told her,” Historia said, “but I think she wants me to forget so badly she pretends she doesn’t know.” She poured more cereal out of the box on top of what she already had, not taking a bite. “I never wanted to talk about it with her, so I didn’t mind.”

“I don’t want to talk about it with anyone,” Eren said, morning glower in full bloom.

Historia closed the box. “You want Zeke to want you to.”

“Zeke had a bad relationship with our dad.” Eren jammed another spoonful of breakfast in his mouth and crunched through it on sheer will. “He doesn’t want to hear about it.”

“If he thought it would make you join batting practice he might.”

Armin used to flick cheerios at him in the morning when he thought Eren was starting the day with too much gloom. Eren thought about dumping his entire bowl on Historia’s head. He couldn’t do that, because she’d retaliate, and he had work. There wasn’t time for a second shower.

Following the spirit of belligerent aggravation anyway, he asked, “How’d you do it?”

“I stabbed him in the neck with a syringe of morphine.”

Eren stopped eating.

“Father had a drug problem,” Historia said. “He was an alcoholic, too, but none of the bottles would have worked unless I broke them ahead of time. The morphine was already set up.”

This was the problem with throwing his fists at one of Historia’s walls. There was always something ready to climb on through the crack and sink its teeth in. Eren let his hands rest on the counter. It made him feel less like he’d eaten an icicle instead of cheap cereal.

The marks on her arms were like tractor beams. Historia could glare at him all she wanted for it, she was the one who had death tattooed all over and kept talking about it. “…So you decided to kill yourself the same way?”

Historia contemplated her first spoonful of breakfast. “Petra says avoidance is only one coping technique.”

The snort that brought out wasn’t what Eren expected from himself. The icicle cracked, melting into something like the soup all of Historia’s stirring had turned her bowl into. He looked away from her scars and out the oversized windows that walled their apartment off from the rest of the world. Light was creeping in through the curtains, and they both should have finished eating by now.

He shoveled in another mouthful of cheerios. “Zeke gave it to me.” He swallowed and thought of blood drowning his hands and lost heartbeats and ticking anniversary watches and pills. “He’s the older one. I get all his hand-me-downs.”

Eren took another bite.

“I don’t want to talk about it, and he doesn’t want to hear about it,” he said. “We’re finally synched up.”

Historia’s phone buzzed across the counter with whatever notification it had from the person who wasn’t her friend. She snatched it up with a spark of annoyance so profound Eren was pretty sure she forgot all about him for a second. But she remembered to look up and give the conversation an option of ending.

“Okay,” she said.

Eren took it. Before he actually ended up late for work.

----

Ymir did not text Eren. She mocked him, she prodded every hole his t-shirts had and several they didn’t, she stole his jacket and wore it for a week when he accidentally left it at Reiner’s, she routinely told him how he was running his business wrong—but she didn’t text him.

Eren wouldn’t have guessed that she had his number.

Until he thought about what he knew of her as a person, which he tried not to do when she wasn’t in the room making him.

Ymir had texted Eren. In the middle of the night. With all of one sentence, followed by a series of tweets that Eren could feel a migraine building over.

Ur roommate’s a dick

Crystal Wick @Crys_Wickiland34 Replying to @distrustfund500 It’s a grand romantic gesture, sorry it went over your head.

distrustfund500 @distrustfund500 Replying to @Crys_Wickiland34 It’s idiotic.

Crystal Wick @Crys_Wickiland34 Replying to @distrustfund500 This from the person who throws tennis balls at people?

The last attachment was just a screencap of what Eren had to assume was Historia’s username.

tennisbomber500 @distrustfund500

No one had ever given Historia the Ymir 101 advice of ignoring Ymir. Because Historia had never been under any threat of meeting Ymir, and that should have been enough to save her.

Constructive emotional expression had come up at the last meeting. Petra probably wouldn’t call yelling at Ymir over a romance novel constructive or productive or healthy, but she’d never met Ymir either. Or watched Historia fall to pieces over things she never talked about. Unless the black eye counted, but that had been Eren on the ground.

Eren blinked at his phone for a second. The words were starting to blur. With a soft click, he gave up, closed his messages, and rolled over to go back to sleep, smiling a bit at the afterimage of the last text Armin had sent, demanding a blood oath promise to not name Benjamin’s new eel friend (if they got him one) Murray.

Ymir could stand to have someone annoy her for once in her life.

[next]

[alistair-blackwood]

Jon takes the statement of Mr. Blackwood, concerning his midnight wanderings.

Chapters: 1/1 [Complete]

Words: 2,058

Tags: Light Angst, Supernatural Elements, Pre-Relationship

~

“I’m sorry if I’m wasting your time.”

“Rest assured, Mr. Blackwood, this is a part of my job.”

“Oh, uh, Martin is fine.”

Mr. Blackwood – Martin – rubbed the back of his neck. Nervous energy oozed from every pore, but Jon couldn’t determine if that was due to his statement or if that was just his usual disposition.

“I’ve always been curious about this place,” said Martin. “Even thought about applying once. I hear about it on podcasts all the time. You really take statements from anyone who comes in?”

“That’s correct.”

“What do you do when they’re taking the piss?”

“The Magnus Institute will accept statements from any source and perform a follow up to the best of its ability.”

“Okay, but, like, what if they’re obviously taking the piss?”

Jon brought a hand to his chin. “We’ve only ever had to escort out one person before, if that’s what you mean, and one could easily make the deduction that he was under the influence at the time.”

“Oh, wow.” Martin looked down at his hands. “Do you ever believe them?”

“What?”

Martin’s face reddened. He swallowed.

“I mean, do you ever think, ‘hey, this chap might be on to something’? Or have they, you know, all just been pretty much crazy?”

Jon sighed. He knew what the man wanted him to say, but to say it would infringe Jon’s professional standards. “Frankly, believing or disbelieving the statement giver isn’t my job. I’m just here to collect and compile the information.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t think they were all crazy, though.” Jon slid the tape recorder forward. “And I will listen to what you have to say.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Statement of Martin Blackwood regarding his midnight wanderings. Statement taken directly from subject August 14th, 2016. Statement begins.”

Martin took a slow, deep breath.

“It is crazy, though, you know? That’s why I came here. There really wasn’t anywhere else for me to go. I’m sorry again—”

“You don’t need to apologize, Martin. Just start from the beginning.”

“Right. So, I guess it started when my mum moved out. This was, um, about two weeks ago, I think. She went to this care home in Devon. She’s been wanting to go there for ages.” He smiled, but it was off. “Weird, isn’t it? Like, who wants to go to a care home?”

He trailed off, staring at his hands. His eyes were faraway.

Jon cleared his throat. Martin blinked.

“Right. Sorry.”

“Would you like something to drink?”

“No, no, that’s fine. I just—” He sucked in a quick breath. “So, yeah, Mum left, and it’s the first time I’ve ever been all on my own. I think I should have felt happy. I mean, every kid is happy when they get their own place, and it’s not like my mum was the easiest person to live with. But, I don’t know. I just hated it. The flat seemed too quiet.”

Martin squirmed, crossing his arms. “Um, sorry, yeah, I think I’ll take that water, actually.”

Jon stood, making a quick trip to the breakroom. Martin accepted the porcelain mug but didn’t drink it as Jon sat back down. He just cradled it with two hands, staring into the clear water.

“So, yeah, it was all feeling like a bit much, then. I had a bad dream that night, I don’t really remember it, and after that I tried just staying out of the flat as much as possible. I didn't have anywhere to go, so I just wandered around town. It could have started then. I wasn’t paying attention to anything during those walks.”

“What did you see?”

“Nothing, at first. I’d just be walking around and lost in thought. Then, I’d look up and I was in an area I didn’t recognize and hours have gone by. I just thought I’d been more spacey than usual, but then, I’d keep losing more and more hours until suddenly the entire day was disappearing, and I barely remembered any of it. One day I had walked clear across London and it was 3 in the morning. I hadn’t eaten at all during that time and almost passed out. I tried to stop going out after that.”

“Tried?”

“Yeah. But the flat was still so … I just couldn’t stay there. I tried setting an alarm on my phone and maybe it would snap me out of it and I’d turn back home once it went off. That night, it was about 4 at that point, I couldn’t find it in my pockets, and I got a call the next day on my landline from someone who said they found my phone in the trash.”

Martin took a large gulp of water. His voice was wobbling. “I really started freaking out after that. I thought I was being possessed or something. I stayed at a motel to see if that changed anything, even barricaded myself in, but I found myself somewhere by a river in Erith at 5 AM. It was freezing. It had been almost 24 hours at that point. I was exhausted, and I didn’t have anyone I could ask for help.”

“You can take a break if you need one.”

Martin jerked up. His fingers were white from his grip on the mug. He set it down on Jon’s desk.

“No, that’s okay,” he said. “I just want to get this over with.”

“Take all the time you need.”

“I finally … saw it, about a week ago. I think I was walking on the Albert Bridge at that point and I was looking at the ground, and there were these strange shapes. I didn’t really react at first, but I lifted my head, and everything looked so weird. Like, you know when you’re staring at an optical illusion and it makes your eyes hurt? And it all smelled so stale and old and everyone was gone. I was alone. And there was this voice.”

“A voice?”

Martin nodded. His hands were shaking. “I think I'd been hearing it the entire time. Seeing … that place the entire time. It must have been where my head was going.”

“Can you tell me what the voice said?”

"I don't ..." Martin swallowed, but it was strangled, as if something sharp were pressing on his throat. “It was talking about how happy my mum was now that I was out of her life. That no one would miss me if I jumped off the bridge.”

He clapped a hand over his mouth, horrified. He blinked and a tear slid down his cheek.

Jon waited. Martin rubbed his face. Jon held out the mug, still half filled with water, and Martin took it back, finishing it off in one gulp.

“Thank you,” Martin said, softly, wiping his mouth.

“What happened after that?”

“I don’t really know. I think someone yelled at me for getting too close to the bridge, and I kind of just woke up. And it hasn’t happened again after that.”

Jon pulled the tape recorder closer to himself. His pulse was drumming in his throat. “And this happened last Tuesday, correct?”

“Um, yeah. How did you—?”

“Just a guess. And you haven’t had a problem with this since?”

“No. I don’t think so, anyway.” Martin coughed. “So, yeah. That’s everything.” He chuckled, nervously. “Crazy, right?”

“Hmm.”

Jon tapped the surface of his desk, eyebrows drawn together. He took a deep breath.

“We’ll look into what we can, but I must admit, based on the isolated nature of your incident, I doubt we’ll be able to uncover anything particularly illuminating.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay.” Martin scrubbed his face. “Honestly, I’m just glad you haven’t laughed me out of the building yet. ‘Oh, a kid hallucinates some spooky nonsense and fancies he might have had a paranormal encounter.’ Like, it’s ridiculous, right?”

“I don’t think it’s ridiculous.”

Martin stared at him. Clearing his throat, he stood. “Well, thank you. I won’t bother you anymore—”

“Wait.” Jon grabbed a paper and pen from his desk, quickly scribbling a number. He stood and held it out. “Please, let me know if anything like this happens again.”

“Oh, okay.” Martin took the paper and stared at it. “Is this … is this your cellphone number?”

“I don’t see how that makes a difference.”

“This can’t be in your job description.”

“To be perfectly honest, the exact wording as outlined in my contract is incredibly and unhelpfully vague.”

Jon clicked off the tape recorder.

 “Statement ends.”

Jon let out a slow breath, closing his eyes, before bringing the tape recorder closer.

“Much as I suspected, this case is a dead end. Security footage showed that Mr. Blackwood was, indeed, wandering around London for hours with little to no awareness of his surroundings. This went on for nearly five days. One clip showed him tossing his phone in a skip and another of a kid running right into him, almost knocking him over. He hadn’t reacted.

“Sasha confirmed that he booked a reservation for one night at the Central Inn motel on August 9th, 2016. Apparently, the manager gave her quite an earful since her ‘friend’ had given the custodian a bad fright with his quote unquote sleepwalking and had left the room a mess.

"That’s pretty much all we can do for him."

Jon brought a hand to his face, massaging his head.

“I can’t believe I hadn’t even recognized him.”

The tape rolled in it's casing. It seemed louder than usual.

“I wouldn’t have even noticed him if we hadn't nearly run into each other. He was just standing in the middle of the pavement, staring at nothing. I asked him what his problem was, but he hadn't said anything. Then he started walking towards the edge of the bridge, and suddenly I was stricken with absolute terror. I don’t know why. It was something about the way he was walking. Shambling. As if nothing was going to get in his way.

“So, I shouted at him. He blinked and looked over at me, and I could tell he actually saw me that time. I wanted to say something, maybe yell at him some more for pulling a stunt like that, but I was running late for work and his eyes ... I couldn’t stand to be there.

“What a cowardly thing to do. What would have happened if I hadn’t …?”

Jon dropped his hand, leaning back in his chair and breathing.

“Well. No use wondering about ‘what-ifs’. He texted me the other day, let me know he was still safe, which I can be honest and admit that that does provide me with some measure of relief. He’s thinking of moving flats, which I agreed with, although finding somewhere cheap this time of year will certainly prove a challenge. I don’t envy him, anyway. I think Sasha mentioned something of one of her neighbors moving out, though. I’ll have to ask.”

A buzz in his pocket pulled him from his musings. Another text. It was a picture of someone holding a large bottle of Smirnoff in a grocery store.

>on my way to make a statement!

Jon rolled his eyes, punching in his response.

>You do realize I had to clean up the mess he made myself? I’m certain he’d had chicken for dinner that night.

>oh im sorry, didn’t mean to pick at an old trauma :p

>Any relapses?

>im okay

Jon stared at the conversation, tweaking the edge of his phone. He turned back to the tape recorder. 

“I shouldn’t be so preoccupied with a statement giver’s welfare, but, well, I suppose it’s not surprising, considering my involvement. I don’t think I’ll mention anything, at least not right now. I don’t see what good it would do. I’ll keep a close eye on him in the meantime.”

Another buzz.

>thank you, by the way. for checking up on me all the time. i know im just some random guy from the street

>It’s no trouble

>it is, though. i want to make it up to you somehow

Jon shouldn’t be so preoccupied with a statement giver’s welfare. It wasn't professional.

He found himself typing back, regardless.

>What did you have in mind?

>oh. well, i dont know, actually. i didnt think youd take me up on it. do you like coffee?

Jon smiled.

“Recording ends.”

[dukereviewsxtra]

Duke Reviews Xtra: Alice Through The Looking Glass

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Xtra Where We Are Going To Continue Our Look At The Movies Of Disney...

And On Today's Show We Continue What I Am Now Calling Wonderland Week As We Look At The Burtonless Sequel Of Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, Alice Through The Looking Glass...

This Film Sees Alice Returning To Wonderland To Find The Mad Hatter Acting Madder Than Usual When He Wants To Discover The Truth About His Family Which Leads Alice To Visit The Being Known As Time (Played By Sasha Baron Cohen) To Borrow The Chronosphere To Travel Back In Time To Save The Hatter And Discover The Truth About His Family...

Will Alice Discover The Truth Before Time Runs Out For The Hatter?

Let's Find Out As We Watch Alice Through The Looking Glass...

The Movie Starts In 1874 As Alice Is In The Second Year Of Her Travels Through The Orient As She's Now Captain Of The Wonder, A Ship That Once Belonged To Her Father As They Leave The Strait Of Maiacca, Their Ship Is Attacked By Pirates..,

Believing They Should Surrender Due To The Dangerous Rock Formations And The High Number Of Pirate Ships Surrounding Them, Alice Instead Decides To Take Them From There Without Being Caught By The Pirates Or Sinking The Wonder...

And It Works, The Pirates Ships Sink As The Wonder Heads Back To London...

Arriving One Year Later, Alice Meets Up With Her Mother As They Go To Talk With A Man Named James Harcourt Who Works For The Trading Company That Owns Her Ship, That Hamish's Father Died In Between Movies And Hamish Now Owns Her Ship And Is Alice's New Boss...

Returning To Their Home, Alice's Mother Tells Alice That Hamish Is Throwing A Party Tonight At His Mansion So, Alice Decides (Despite Not Being Invited) To Discuss Future Travels To The Orient With The Wonder...

But Unfortunately Hamish Reveals To Her That She Will No Longer Captain The Wonder But Instead Work As A Secretary For The Company Also That While She Was On Her Travels, Hamish Forced Alice's Mother To Sign A Contract That Say That The Only Way Alice Can Keep The Wonder Is To Exchange Their London House For The Ship...

Realizing That Hamish Is Doing This To Her Because She Didn't Accept His Proposal To Her In The Last Movie (Despite Being Married To Someone Else Now) And Because Of Her Attitude. She Confronts Hamish On It....

Only For Him To Accuse Her Of Not Being The Right Person To Command The Ship (Despite Her Achievements) Because She's A Woman...

Careful, Hamish! You Know What Happens To People Who Say Stuff Like That? They Have The Me Too Movement On Them Before You Can Say Ready Set Go...

Distraught By The Situation, Alice's Mother Argues With Her As She Tells Alice To Conform To Society's Expectations About Women Only For Alice To Say...

As She Runs Off, Secluding To The Gardens On The Property Only For Her To Find A Blue Butterfly Which She Believes To Be Absolem Who She Follows To A Mirror In Hamish's Father's Old Office...

However, Before She Tries To Go Through The Mirror, Her Presence Is Caught By A Few Partygoers Who Go To Get Hamish As They Try To Invade The Office To Discover Who Is Inside...

But Going Through The Mirror, Alice Ends Up In A Mirrored Version Of The Office In Underland Where After Encountering Humpty Dumpty, Re- Encounters Absolem, Who Urges Alice To Go To Her Friends Because He Will Be Gone Before Long...

After Falling Through A Door In The Sky, Alice Reunites With Her Friends At The White Queen's Castle, As They Inform Her That The Hatter Is Acting Madder Than Usual And That Everything They've Tried To Do To Get Him To Be Himself Again Hasn't Worked...

Going By His House, The Hatter Is Happy To See Her As He Tells Her That The Reason He's Not His Usual Self Is Because While Playing With Bayard One Day, The Hatter Found A Hat He Crafted When He Was A Child That Was Supposedly Thrown Away By His Father Over A Fight Years Ago Which Was Never Settled...

And That Despite Knowing That His Family Perished On Horunvendush Day On The Day The Red Queen Took Control Of Underland, He Sees It As A Possibility That They May Be Alive So He Wants To Go Out And Find Them So He Can Mend His Relationship With His Dad...

But Remembering His Story About How His Family Was Killed, Alice Tries To Comfort Him By Telling Him About How He Lost Her Father, But The Hatter Knowing That She Doesn't Believe Him, He Kicks Her Out Of His House And Locks Himself In...

Worrying About The Hatter's Deteriorating Health Alice Returns To Tell Her Friends What Happened, Which Leads Them To Realize That Finding The Hatter's Family Is The Only Way To Stop Him From Dying...

So, The White Queen Decides That Alice Needs To Go Back In Time By Herself To Save The Hatter's Family, Telling Her To Consult With Time (Played By Sasha Baron Cohen) To Ask Him To Borrow The Chronosphere...

Using An Old Clock, Alice Travels To Time's Castle Where She Meets Time After Discovering That He's The One That Controls The Life And Death Of Everyone In Underland...

Showing Her Around His Castle, She Eventually Tells Him Why She's There Only For Time To Tell Her That She Cannot Have The Chronosphere As Altering The Past Cannot Be Done...

Upset At This, Alice Is About To Leave But Before She Does She Discovers That Time And The Red Queen Are In League With Each Other (Despite The Red Queen Being Only Interested In Time For The Chronosphere)...

So, Alice Decides To Steal The Chronosphere To Prevent Time From Giving The Chronosphere To The Red Queen And Uses It To Travel To The Red Queen's Coronation...

There, A Younger Mad Hatter Mocks The Red Queen When The Crown Doesn't Fit Her Abnormally Sized Head...

(Start At 0:36)

Wow, Who Thought That Thorin Oakenshield Could Play Favorites?...

With The Hatter's Father Reprimanding His Son For Laughing Despite The Hatter Not Understanding What He Has Done, The Fight Escalates To The Point That The Hatter Decides To Live Away From His Family To His Mom's Despair...

Alice Tries To Convince The Hatter To Go Back And Forgive His Father, Saying That He Will Regret It In The Future But His Mind Is Made Up That He Will Go Live With The March Hare And The Doormouse As He Invites Her To Join Them For Tea..

She Also Tries To Warn The Hatter's Family About Horunvendush Day But Before She Can The White Queen Apologizes For The Red Queen's Behavior, Telling About The Day The Red Queen Went Mad, Fell Day...

So Alice Goes Back To Fell Day, In Another Attempt To Prevent Not Only This Day But Horunvendush Day From Happening While Time Arrives At The Hatter's Tea Party With The March Hare And The Doormouse...

Asking Him Where Alice Is, The Hatter Tells Him That He Invited Alice To The Party But She's Not Here Yet So, Time Decides To Wait...

(End At 0:45)

Asking Again When Alice Is Coming, The Hatter Admits That While He Invited Alice He Never Said That She Was Coming...

Upset About This Deception, Time Curses Them All Stating That Until Alice Comes To The Party, The Hatter, The March Hare And The Doormouse Will Be Stuck At That Table With The Time Always Being 1 Minute Before Tea Time...

So, In Otherwords When Alice As A Child Showed Up, She Was Actually Freeing Them From Time's Curse...

Arriving On Fell Day, Alice Meets The Mad Hatter When He Was Just A Child Who Is Impressed By Alice's Head And Invites Her To His Family's Shop To Get A Beautiful Hat...

Saying Yes, Alice Follows Him Back To His Family's Shop Where He Asks If Alice Wants A Fun Hat, But The Hatter's Father Reprimands The Hatter Again Saying That The Job Of A Hatter Is Not To Create Fun Hats But Hats That Will Fit What Society Demands...

Defending His Arguments By Showing His Father The Hat He Found In The Future, Hatter's Father Is Unimpressed And Doesn't Even Recognize It As A Hat, But When He Tries To Fix It. The Hat Rips Which Upsets The Young Hatter As Runs To His Room In Tears...

Remembering Her Mission, Alice Goes Off To Find The Young Red Queen, Who Is In A Castle With Her Sister, The Young White Queen, Enjoying Tarts That Their Mother Made...

However When The White Queen Steals The Last Tart, The Red Queen Is Blamed When The Crumbs Are Found By Her Bed Despite Her Knowing That The White Queen Ate The Last Tart...

Shocked By Her Sister's Lie And The Accusations Against Her, The Red Queen Runs Away From The Castle As Alice Searches For Her To Prevent The Accident From Happening...

But The Accident Still Happens Despite Alice Stopping The Reason For The Accident, Which Has Her Then Harkening Back To Time's Words That It's Not Possible To Change The Past.

However, As She Prepares To Leave, Alice Sees The Hatter's Father Retrieving The Hatter's Hat From The Trash And Placing It In His Pocket Which Means That They're Alive...

But Before Alice Can Head Back She's Confronted By Time Who Tries To Get The Chronosphere But Before He Can Get It, Alice Jumps Into A Mirror Where She Returns To London Only To Wake Up In The American Mcgee Institute For Crazy Women That's Run By Moriarity...

Yeah, It Kind Of Is A Pointless Scene, But I'm Sorry I'll Take Any Chance I Can To See Andrew Scott As A Bad Guy Afterall...

Eventually, Finding The Chronosphere, Alice Escapes Moriarity's Asylum Of The Damned And Heads Back To Hamish's Estate So She Can Return Through The Looking Glass And Back To Underland...

Returning To The Present Afterwards, Alice Goes To The Hatter's House To Tell Him What She Discovered, But Is She Too Late?...

(Start At 0:16)

Arriving At The Red Queen's Hideout In The Outlands, Alice, The Hatter And The Others Find The Hatter's Family Inside Of The Red Queen's Ant Hill But Unfortunately...

With Everyone Locked In A Vegetable Prison And Weakened Time Next To A Skeletal Knave Of Hearts....

Did The Red Queen Hire Biff To Kill Him In Return For Hill Valley?

The Red Queen Takes The White Queen Back To Fell Day On The Chronosphere As Her Henchmen Release Alice And Her Friends Who Take Time To His Castle While Alice And The Hatter Go To Get The Chronosphere...

But Unfortunately The Red Queen Breaks The One Rule Of Time Travel In Wonderland Which Is That People From Wonderland Can Cannot See Themselves Else Time Will Freeze Or Rust In This Case...

Racing Back To Time's Castle On The Chronosphere As Everything Starts To Freeze, They Eventually Arrive Only For Everyone To Freeze As Alice Goes To Put It Back In The Grandfather Clock...

Making It Just As She Freezes, The Clock And Time Are Restored As The White Queen Makes Up With The Red Queen And The Hatter's Family Is Restored To Normal Size...

Going To Apologize To Time For Everything, He Forgives Alice And Becomes Friends With Her Before She Goes To Say Goodbye To Her Friends

(Start At 0:07)

Returning To London, Alice Returns In Time As Her Mother Was Signing Over Her Father's Ship To Hamish, However, Instead Of Stopping It, Alice Decides To Let Them Go Through With It, Claiming That The Wonder Is Just A Ship And There Will Be Others...

So, Her Mom Decides To Rip Up The Contract In Front Of Hamish, Stating That She Is Grateful That Alice Never Married Him Because He Is A Horrible Person...

(Hamish) I'll Get You Next Time, Alice! Next Time! (Snort)

Creating A New Trading Company Named Kingsleigh And Kingsleigh, Alice And Her Mother Vow To Remove Hamish And His Company From The Market In Just One Year, As The Wonder Leaves London With Alice And Her Mother On It...

And That's Alice Through The Looking Glass And Again, Just What Is So Bad About This Movie?!?

The Story Is Interesting, The Effects Are Fantastic, The Characters (Minus Hamish) Are Better Written Than They Were In The First Movie, I Think At Least Mia Wasikowska Does Better In This Film Than She Did In The First Movie...

I Also Like Both Johnny Depp And Sasha Baron Cohen In This Movie, Especially Sasha Baron Cohen, I Thought Time Was An Interesting Character And That His Minutes Were Some Of The Cutest Characters In The Movie...

I Don't Care What The Haters Say About This Movie, This Was One Film I Thought To Be Interesting And Cool Throughout And I Definitely Suggest Everyone To See It...

Tune In Tomorrow As We Look At Part 1 Of The 1985 Version Of Alice In Wonderland, Till Then, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[hashire]

in the cards - part 2

I didn’t anticipate continuing this one but I’m happy about it. This is part 2 of 3, also too. :) (part 1)(part 3)

*

Mikasa ends up stewing over the card the entire night. It’s not the way she thought she would have reacted to a...love confession? but what happened at school nags at her more. Everyone had been looking. Everyone. 

She takes the card with her the next day, intent on doing something with it. She isn’t sure what. Tearing it up in front of him would be too mean. As upset about the whole situation as she is, she wouldn’t do something like that. She grips it so hard on the way to school that it starts to bend. 

“Don’t be nervous, sweetheart,” her mother says as they stop. “It’ll all work out.” Mikasa ducks out of the way of the hand that reaches over to pat her on the head. She then narrows her eyes.

“What do you mean?” Her mother withdraws her hand and smiles, not looking as though she’s concerned about how clearly guilty she is of invading Mikasa’s privacy. “I’m gonna give it back to him. That’s it.” With that, the smile drops a little.

“Oh, that’s too bad. But it is up to you about what you want to do.” Mikasa gets out of the car without saying goodbye. Her frustration transfers to her mother briefly. How could she do such a thing? How could she read the card that’s meant for her?

Then she spots Levi. The feelings well up again. She doesn’t make note of his slumped posture, his hands balled into fists in his pockets, and his head hanging down far enough for his chin to touch his chest. She walks at a brisk pace to stop a few feet in front of him. He must have noticed this because he, too, stops. He levels a glare at her before his face softens considerably. She can’t parse the meaning of this or the tone in his voice when he says, “What?” His eyes flit to the now more crumpled card in her hands. He tenses, meeting her eyes again. His brow knits and his shoulders go up a bit, but the light in his eyes:  it changes, just a little.

Mikasa doesn’t understand. She’s never been in this position before, never had to read the emotions of someone she doesn’t really know. She barrels forward instead of thinking.

“Why did you give this to me?” she demands, thrusting the card toward him in clenched fists. His eyes widen. He takes a step back, purely from her tone. They’re in the shade of one of the tall trees by the building, so she can’t be sure, but she thinks his face drains of color. He takes another step back and casts a look around them. Mikasa follows his line of sight.

Everyone is watching again. Everyone. Her face flares hot from anger and - now - embarrassment. 

“Mikasa -”  he starts, but her glare is enough to make his mouth snap shut.

“Never mind,” she snaps. “I don’t want to know. I don’t care.” She hesitates, wanting to shove the card into his hands and just forget all about this. Something that she can’t identify stops her. Instead, she simply storms away. The crowd of kids parts for her, some of them running in the face of her glare. 

“Mikasa!” She whips around, ready to dress someone down, when she sees it’s Sasha. So she relaxes. A little. “What was that all about?!” 

“Nothing,” she says with a scowl.

“Really?” Sasha looks over to Levi, still standing under the tree. He turns away when Mikasa looks over her shoulder. “Are you sure you didn’t hit him? It looks like you did.” She blinks, realizing she’s still staring at Levi’s now more hunched form. She turns back to Sasha.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she responds, even and firm. Sasha holds up her hands in an act of surrender.  She apparently has to get one last thing out, because - 

“What is that?” she asks, pointing to the almost destroyed card. Mikasa glances down at it, then swings her backpack off her shoulders so fast and hard she almost hits Sasha with it. She stuffs the card inside, wincing at the sound of it tearing. She doesn’t understand why she cares, but, somehow, she does.

“Don’t worry about it.” The bell sounds above them before Sasha can say anything more. Mikasa pushes her way through the throng of kids standing around to get inside as soon as possible. 

It’s a normal day...mostly. She tries to ignore Levi and the whispers and snickers around her. She does. She can’t help but notice, however, that he’s sitting at his desk with his head pillowed on his arms, looking tired. Farlan glares at her, as does Isabel, who sits on Levi’s other side. She glares back. 

The day goes on. Much to her annoyance, she gets paired with Levi in two separate classes for little projects. Still, she works with him without incident and then ignores him. She can’t tell if he cares or not as he stifles yawns behind a hand. She doesn’t understand why it would - and why it does - annoy her. She pushes it out of her mind instead.

Things continue like that. Levi appears tired and sad most days. Mikasa bristles when he comes close to her and stays tense when he doesn’t acknowledge her. Why she wants him to, she doesn’t know. Her feelings are a mess, becoming more tangled each day, and she kind of wants to punch him for it. Or maybe something else. Honestly, she’s not sure what she wants from him.

“Why are you acting like this?” It isn’t Sasha who broaches the subject. As curious and concerned as she probably is, Mikasa is sure she knows what to expect.

“Like what?” she snaps without meaning to. Sasha might have taken a step back. Armin doesn’t even flinch. He does take a moment before he responds, likely choosing his words.

“You’ve been acting...weird since Valentine’s Day. Especially around Levi. Did something...else happen?” They’re sitting together on her living room couch. Her brother flits in and out of the room, making buzzing noises as he holds an airplane toy above his head. The desire to stick her foot out and trip him grows with each pass.

“Other than him embarrassing me in front of everyone? No.” She thinks of the card, stashed away in the top drawer of her bureau. She smoothed it out and taped it up, read and reread it. She almost wanted to throw it away but never did.

Armin raises an eyebrow at her. “He didn’t do that.”

Mikasa bristles. “He did. He - ”

“He didn’t do anything as far as I can tell. You said he gave you an extra card? Is that it?” She stays silent, thinking about the situation. She hadn’t really spent too much time on what caused all of it, just what happened. “You got upset because everyone was staring, right?” She nods. Her brother buzzes by again. “So…?”

“So it’s still his fault for giving me the stupid card.” Armin’s brow furrows. He frowns. She doesn’t like where this conversation is going.

“What did it say?” Her brother rounds the corner. She knocks down the pillow behind her and nudges it just enough for it to be right in his path. He trips just right:  his knees hit the pillow and his elbows the soft carpet. He isn’t hurt. He starts to shriek anyway.

“Mom!” Even if the fallout from this would be worse than continuing the conversation with Armin, Mikasa made her choice.

Armin leaves with a look that tells her he knows why she did what she did and that this isn’t the end of it. She doesn’t care, mostly because of the argument that starts with her mother shortly after he’s gone.

It devolves quickly, she saying that he wasn’t hurt so it shouldn’t matter, her mom saying that that doesn’t matter, she shouldn’t do that to her brother. Ultimately, Mikasa gets sent to her room with one last comment from her mother:  “I don’t know where you get it from, but you’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met!”

She fumes as she slams the door like the angry preteen she is. Her eyes fall on her bureau drawer, her mind immediately placing the blame on the card again. On the words strung together in what she might call a love poem, if she were being generous. It didn’t even rhyme, though, so could it really even be called that? 

Mikasa considers destroying the card again. She pulls it out with the intention to. Then she flips it open, reading the words about her hair and her eyes and her smile and can’t. She just can’t. 

She thinks back to her conversation with Armin. Was it really Levi’s fault, all of this? Did anyone really care about it anymore, other than her? No one had stared at her and whispered past a day or two. Farlan and Isabel’s glares lingered but lessened. Only Levi stayed the same as he had after that first day.

Had she...hurt him that much? 

Her mother’s words ring in her head. She has been stubborn about a lot of things. Maybe she should apologize. But how? What should she say?

She thinks about it late into the night, like she had when she received the card. Nothing good comes to mind, and, by morning, she decides to just do what she did last time and go in without a plan (never mind the fact that things had gone horribly because of it…).

Mikasa apologizes to her brother and her mother to start, feeling better about a lot now that she’d taken care of that. The morning feels lighter as her mother drives her to school, and she's ready. 

But Levi isn't there. He doesn't get off the bus as usual. He's not at his desk. Farlan and Isabel are whispering to each other when their teacher clears her throat. 

"Levi won't be attending school with us anymore. His mother passed away last night from cancer and he'll be moving away over spring break."

She continues, but Mikasa doesn't hear any of it. She feels relief and guilt at once:  relief because she wasn't the source of what he had been feeling, but then greater guilt because she felt that relief. Guilt that she wouldn't be able to apologize for hurting him when his mother was dying. 

Sasha reaches over to touch her elbow. When Mikasa looks at her, she finds her friend's brow creased with worry.

"What?" she whispers.

"You look…" She trails off and makes vague hand gestures. When Mikasa stares, she sighs and says, "Sad."

"I'm not," she says quickly:  maybe too quickly, because Sasha looks like she doesn't believe her. But then the teacher says their names and tells them they need to pay attention, and that’s the end of that. 

Mikasa dodges any and all questions about the incident and the news for the rest of the day, and soon her friends forget. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t because Levi doesn’t return before break, nor after, nor ever.

At the end of the school year, she pulls out the card, worn around the edges from her frequent readings, and wonders what would have happened had things gone differently.

[thefairybookhoarder]

Because You Love To Hate Me [Part 1]

Rating: 📚📚📚📚📖/5 - It very quickly became one of my favourite books (so much so that I bought a physical copy after having already read it on my Kobo!) and even though I enjoyed some stories less they were still all fun to read!

Summary [from Goodreads]: Leave it to the heroes to save the world--villains just want to rule the world.

In this unique YA anthology, thirteen acclaimed, bestselling authors team up with thirteen influential BookTubers to reimagine fairy tales from the oft-misunderstood villains' points of view.

Review with spoilers below the cut. Proceed at your own risk!

The Blood of Imuriv by Renee Ahdieh

📚📚📚📚/5

Fun read. Great story to start the book. Have never read anything by Renee Ahdieh but I now love her writing and definitely plan to read more (have "The Wrath and the Dawn" in my TBR). Love the world building and society where women rule (hell yeah) but also still felt for Rhone - which I guess is the point :P. I almost forgot that he was the villain until the end when he accidentally kills his sister and he feels this incredible guilt but also relief. Which from his point of view the relief is understandable but from the reader's point of view is quite worrisome? Scary? Both?  But all in all awesome future villain backstory, wish there was more. And that game of chess was also hella dope. Shows everything about both the siblings' characters and how they interact. And when he wipes the game controls -  HUGE foreshadowing of what was gonna happen to his sister!

Also PolandbananasBOOKS evil vaccine short story was so creative and such a fun read.

 Jack by Ameriie

📚📚📚📚📚/5

 Oh me gosh this is probably my favorite story of the book. I could ramble on for ages but I'll try to limit myself. Retelling of Jack and The Beanstalk from the giant's point of view (so cool!).

 The giant (villain)? Super-relatable. Which is saying something :P. Jack was also a very interesting character. And the way the story goes full circle? So. Freaking. Smart! It's right there in the beginning: "The thing is getting them to trust you. The animals". And how you think the giant and Jack are becoming friends and how he pushes her to face her fears which then totally bites him in the butt as she ends up eating him. And her going to the edge of the clouds and looking over is a metaphor for her having to accept herself and what she has to do (kill Jack). And the chair at the end was really cool. Like how Jack believed his friend had gone to explore the world (and how the giant pretended to have no idea what happened to the friend) but nope! The friend just ended up as giant chow. Boom! So. Good.

 Gwen and Art and Lance by Soman Chainani

📚📚📚/5

Gotta say: love this book but I was not a huge fan of this story. The story is the retelling of King Arthur if the story was set in a modern high school. The idea of doing it through texts what quite cool. I enjoyed that. But I also didn't know the story of King Arthur that well so I was a bit confused at time. Didn't really like Gwen (and isn't this book about making villains relatable?): she just seemed superficial and didn't seem to be able to decide between Lance and Art. I really didn't like this back and forth between Lance and Art. And I did NOT get the vibe that Lance and Art were best friends even through the texts they sent each other. And so predictable!! Even if you don't know the story. Like OBVIOUSLY at the end she was gonna choose Art. Like caring guy vs. popular guy who only cares about his looks….hmm I wonder who she's gonna choose.

The Bad Girl Hall of Fame was a cool exploring, in blog form (super cool!) of the different types of villains there are in stories. Fun look at all the popular, typical villains and how/why they became villains.

  Shirley & Jim by Susan Dennard

📚📚📚📚📖/5

Disclaimer: I LOVE Sherlock Holmes so when I figured out that this short story was about Sherlock I was so ready for it. I was not. 

The story is an apology letter from Shirley Holmes to Jean Watson. It a story of what would have happened if Holmes and Moriarty had met at school when they were younger. It is a story about friendship. It's a story about love. And it’s a story about betrayal. And it was amazing. Again, loved the full circle. It starts and ends with a kiss so we should now what's coming. But also the chess. Because their relationship starts with chess but it by the end of their relationship was cemented by chess - since the obvious "Checkmate" ending. But the way this story is told is beautiful. The meeting, the getting to know each other, and the falling in love (at least for Shirley) between games of chess was so natural. The talks about justice was also a nice touch, very in character. (Also they discussed "Chronicles of a Death Foretold" which I had to read for Uni and it is very much a subjective and vague take on justice. It fit perfectly. It messed with Shirley's black and white look on justice.) And then the betrayal at the end! And Shirley finding out that Moriarty was only using her to get to Jean's mom.  That is the moment the rivalry starts. That is the moment Sherlock and Moriarty stop being friends and start being enemies.

The Dear Sasha advice column for villains by Sasha Alsberg was really well done. And the last post from Moriarty and then Sasha signing off was really smart and v cool.

 The Blessings of Little Wants by Sarah Enni

📚📚📚/5

This story was okay. I have mixed feelings about this. The villain was quite cool but it left me with so many questions at the end and not in a good way. I wish there was more world building in this story. More background info of why exactly Sigrid has to go Eynhallow. Like if magic is dwindling what is she gonna do once she gets there. Restore it? But if she does then she's not a villain. Use it all up? Then how it that helpful for her? I don't know, this story was confusing. I did like though that she had to hide the amount of magic power she has and loved the reveal that Thomas wasn't real and just a manifestation of her powers. But then if at the end she kills Thomas (which is a representation of her powers) does she kill her powers? That doesn't make sense! Also she has to prove herself by killing someone/making a sacrifice but she never actually does because Thomas technically doesn't exist? Also "I didn't come here to save magic…I came here to prove that I could" sooooo she's not a villain? If she saves magic does it mean she get to keep all the mafic for herself? Is that it? I need answers!

The Sea Witch by Marissa Meyer

📚📚📚📚/5

This is a story about - yes you guessed it, the Sea Witch!! This story was very well written, I really enjoyed it. I ended up really rooting and feeling bad for the Sea Witch. Alienated by her peers because she was - in their opinion - weird (woo alienation always leads to villain-ism!). Although, to be fair, I didn’t really like her at the start of this story either. TBH I didn't really like any of the characters at the start of this story. Nerit's (the Sea Witch) decision to become human is totally understandable though: she doesn't feel like she belongs in the sea (case her peers are jerks) and hopes that on land she will find her place. Turns out that the land is just as bad as the sea (poor Nerit!). She meets a handsome stranger who ends up betraying her so she kills him and finally goes back to sea. Finally as herself. She changed herself for him and he betrayed her (see kids, always be yourself). Also the fact that Samuel (Mr. Handsome stranger) didn't recognize her was brutal (even though I guessed some years passed? But also it showed that Samuel didn't really love Nerit). I really enjoyed this story and especially at the end when Nerit tells Lorindel that his people will go look for her desperate for help and will fall to misery because they won't heed her warnings about magic. It's haunting really. This story really did the Sea Witch justice.

Zoe Herdt's Villain Quiz was also really cool and I think I ended up being slightly villainous. (Although I felt that it was a little too black and white with the answers).

The other 7 stories will be in Part 2 because this review is becoming way too long.  

[invaderzia1]

The Worst is Yet to Come (Jean Kirschstein x Fem!Reader) (Modern au + Supernatural au) (Part 1)

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

“I’LL DO ANYTHING, JUST PLEASE DON’T HURT HIM!”

Everything felt as if it had frozen as the words left her mouth. Everyone’s attention had been drawn to the girl, who was on the ground crying out. The entire fight that had been happening ceased as everyone had stopped. No longer was everyone fighting against the Warrior’s, even those demons had stopped to take in the scene. I was still hung in the air, with the claw like hand of the burly demon against my neck. It only took a few seconds for our enemy, the demon Reiner, to throw my body to the ground and make his way over to her.

Nobody tried to stop him as he made his way over, everyone too perplexed by his sudden interest in her. I was frozen in fear, unable to move to her. Instead, I sat and watched like a fool.

Once he stood in front of her, he looked down, only facing her. He let out a hefty laugh before speaking.

“Anything, you say?” The devilish tone in his voice prominent.

“Yes, anything. Please, don’t hurt him.” She cried out.

The rest of the Warrior’s began to look at each other, confused by the exchange. Annie kicked Eren away from her, shooting a feral glare at Reiner.

“Reiner, what the fuck are you doing? There’s no time for us to be fucking around!” She spat at him, her eyes glowing a darker shade of red than before.

Reiner, ignoring Annie’s remark, kneeled down to (Y/n)’s level, offering a hand to her. She weakly accepted, more tears falling down her face.

“Well, how about this, we’ll cut this whole party short and I promise to leave your boy unharmed, but in return it going to take something from you.”

As the words hit me, I tried to stand up, but found a sudden force stopping me from interfering. One of the demons here must be doing it. My eyes were wide as I tried to break from this force, trying to scream for her not to take it. No sound was produced from my throat however.

“W-What do you want?”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not asking much of you. How heartless do you think I am? No, what I want is just some of your memories.”

Everything was quite again, both sides taking in this whole deal that was going down.

Reiner pulled them both up, helping (Y/n) to her feet. Her face was contorted in fear and confusion, her eyes moving from me and Reiner erratically. She stopped after a minute and shut her eyes. Then she nodded her head.

I felt everything inside me shut down. I was screaming, pleading for her to stop this. Was she insane? I didn’t deserve this at all, why was she doing this?

“So you agree then? We will spare not only the boy, but the rest of your companions in return for your memories.”

She just nodded her head, more tears falling from her face as she did.

“No, no. We need to hear you agree to it. Come on now, say it.” Reiner told her, almost too delighted in tormenting her.

“Yes, yes I agree. Please just, don’t hurt him.” She cried out.

“Perfect.”

Reiner then dipped down, pressing his lips against hers as a dark mist surrounded them. It encompasses both their bodies for a few seconds. A bright light then moved from her body to his as they pulled away, she mouthed the words “I love you” to me. Then Reiner dropped her and her body fell limp to the ground, where she laid unmoving and unresponsive.

I was frozen in shock as I watched her fall, everything felt paused for that first couple of seconds after she hit the ground. I quickly recovered and ran to her side, finding my body now free and my voice rambling anything and everything. I was overcome with worry as I cradled her in my arms, whispering for her to be okay.

I was unaware of my friends running up behind me, circling us in worry, or that our enemies had indeed fled from the scene. None of that mattered. She was the only thing that mattered to me. I cried into her shoulder, not caring who heard me, as I begged her to wake up.

She began to move after a minute passed, slowly awaking. I stared into her eyes as she took in her surroundings, moving from each of our friends then down to me. She tensed immediately as she looked at me, almost like I was a stranger. When I tried to hold her close she pushed me away, crawling away from me in horror.

“B-Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked, cautiously moving my hand out for her.

“I’m sorry, I-I don’t know who you are, I think you have the wrong person.” She stuttered out.

Her words hit me like a train. Sending my entire world crashing down. Everything we had together, was gone.

As I sat on the ground, pathetically staring back at her. The rest of the group approached, Sasha taking the lead in trying to calm her down. As Sasha got closer to her, the (h/c) girl just gave her a confused look, as if she was searching for answers from her.

“Sasha, whats going on? Where am I?”

Everyone was taken back by the girl, she didn’t remember her boyfriend but she remembered Sasha. As they questioned her, leading us all to Eren’s apartment, it became evident she knew who everyone was. Everyone except me. Then it hit me, the demon didn’t take away all her memories. Only the memories of me.

We tried to explain it to her, who I was and what had happened, but she got even more confused. The only way we were able to tell her that I was in fact her boyfriend was when the group pulled up many different photos of us being together. She looked perplexed and kind of disappointed by this. She was able to fully understand the whole fighting demons thing, but having me as her boyfriend seemed to be impossible.

She stared at me, as if she was examining me. It was strange, her gaze was awkward and tense as she tried to make a little sense of this whole scenario. It hurt me to look at her, everything in me was screaming to pull her close and cry. The room was still spinning and the radio static in my head was killing me. I felt as if I wasn’t even there any more, like I was trapped inside myself as the shell of my body continued on.

“So... we used to date?” She asked, her head cocked to the side.

“Not used to... are dating.” I explained, my voice weak and sad. Pathetic.

Her lips were pursed in a tight line as she tried even more to understand. I know she was confused, but it hurt to have to convince her that we are dating. It hurt to have to explain that I wasn’t just some random nobody. It hurt. Everything hurt.

“H-How long were we together?”

“Are together. And for five years now.” I replied, staring down at the ground. It was more bearable than looking at her face.

“S-Sorry, sorry. It’s just weird saying that.” She apologized. Her awkward laugh made it all more worse for me, knowing she had the habit with strangers. “So, um... Gene, tell me about yourself!!”

I knew she was trying her hardest to make this less awkward, to try to make this better to the best of her ability. But it hurt. She couldn’t even say my name correctly. I just threw my head into my hands, the tears already pouring out pathetically as I wept.

“I, um-Gene, are you o-okay?” She stuttered out, awkwardly unsure of what to do.

Luckily, Eren and Mikasa weren’t far away from us. They ran to both our sides, eren showing me a sliver of kindness not normally given to me. I wouldn’t dare admit it, but the fact that he did meant a lot to me. Mikasa pulled (Y/n) away, ushering into another room, one far away from me. As the rest of the group heard the commotion, Armin and Historia joined Eren and I.

I didn’t care what they thought of me anymore. I didn’t care that I had been crying for hours now. It didn’t matter to me, I was a broken man now. I just lost my other half and she couldn’t even pronounce my name right. I cried for a few minutes longer, as armin and Eren tried to calm me down.

“Jesus dude, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone this torn up before...” Eren muttered to himself, taken aback by the weakness in me.

Armin, elbowing Eren, shot me an apologetic look as he rubbed my back.

“Come on, pull yourself together dude. It’ll get better.” Eren murmured, awkwardly giving it his bet effort to calm me down.

“You don’t understand, she can’t even pronounce my fucking name right! It hurts, she’s gone. She’s not mine anymore. Why did she do this? Why?” I wailed, my tears starting right back up again as I sunk further down into my depression. “Why is she so fucking stupid? Making a deal with a demon? Why?”

“Jean, you have to calm down. This isn’t helping anything and you are just scaring her more.” Armin jumped in, pleading for me to stop my fit.

Pathetically, I began wiping the tears and snot from my face, realizing how disgusting I must look right now. Luckily, Historia grabbed a box of tissues on the side table next to us, forcing them onto me.

“Maybe we can fix this... you know, there has to be a way for her to regain her memories.” Eren thought out loud.

I weakly looked up at him, my eyes blank with emotion.

“H-Historia, you could call Ymir up!! She’s one of them, maybe she can counteract it or get them back or something.” Eren rambled on, trying to find anything at all to give me a sliver of hope.

“Y-Yeah, maybe we can find some loophole... I’m sure we can... fix this.” Armin added, clearly not believing Erens words either.

Both boys turned to Historia, searching for any sort of hope from the girl.

“I can always try Ymir... it’s worth a shot...” her voice wasn’t hopefully, but she didn’t out right reject the suggestion either.

I felt as if there was a small sliver of hope now, needing something to hold onto in order to keep sane. Ymir was a demon like the Warriors, but she didn’t really have any sort of definitive motive or side she was on. As long as she had Historia she would just follow her.

Historia went and locked the door, not wanting to be interrupted by any one while she did this. She pulled out her necklace, clutching it in her hand as she repeated some phrases into it. It began to glow red and she summoned Ymir to her, a red seal forming on the ground in front of her. It took only a minute for Ymir to appear in front us.

Ymir was a rogue demon, not belonging to any one demon faction, such as the Warriors like Reiner. She could, if she wanted, but choose not to concern herself with that drama unless it ultimately helped her in some way. Due to this, she wore normal clothes like most humans do, the only demonic apparel on her being the matching necklace she has with Historia. Her horns, cone shaped and pointy, jutted from her head and bright red in coloration.

“Yo, what’s up?” She said, nonchalantly before turning to look at me. “Jesus Christ, Kirschstein. You look like someone kicked your puppy.”

“Ymir!” Historia hissed, smacking Ymir upside the head.

Armin and Historia decided to fill Ymir in for me, not wanting to stress me out more than I already was. Her usual easy going nature turned serious after they finished, a weird change of tone for her.

“Shit, this is bad. She made a deal with Reiner? Does she have a fucking death wish?”

“Is there anything you can do?”

Ymir thought for sometime, pacing back and forth trying to figure some sort of plan out.

“Fuck, I don’t know. I don’t think I can personally do anything since she did make a binding deal with Reiner, but I think there’s a possibility you all can do something.”

My eyes widened as I heard this, feeling a spark inside me ignite. I felt eren smack my back, what I assumed was his way of giving my support.

“Really?” I asked, hopeful.

“Maybe. I’m not saying it’s a hundred percent guarnteeed to work, but I’m sure there’s something you can do.” Her tone was sharp and uncertain. “If you give me some time, I can probably gather some research or some shit and see what I can do. Though it may help if someone like Armin came with me.”

Armin tensed at Ymir’s suggestion, but nodded his head none the less.

“If it means helping (Y/n) and Jean I’d do anything.” Armin said, confidently.

“Good, because I’m going to have to take you back to hell with me. It’ll be the easiest way for us to research.”

“Wait, I’ll have to go to hell?” Armin asked, his confidence wavering.

“It’s the only way. It’s not as bad as everyone says it is, though.”

Armin nervously looked at Eren for support, before looking at me. The hopefulness in my eyes must have been enough for him, as he nodded his head to Ymir.

“I’ll do it, it’s for the greater good.”

“Great, now there’s just one more thing i have to do.”

Ymir turned to look at me, getting in close before she brought one of her hands under my chin, making me look up to her. She studied my face for some time before speaking.

“Kirschstein, are you willing to do anything to help her?”

“Anything at all.”

“No matter what the cost is?”

“Of course, she means the world to me.”

Ymir let go of my face and nodded, before turning to Historia and embracing her closely. The two continued for a few seconds before Ymir pulled away, getting herself into position to head back.

“Alright, Armin, be ready in a hour. I won’t wait around for you any longer than that.” She told him, giving him a harsh glare. Slowly, she turned to me, as a seal began to form on the ground, glowing a faint red light. “Hey, if this thing doesn’t work out you can always try to win her over again. Though with you, that may be hard to do.” She let out a snarky laugh as the seal began enveloping her, transporting her away.

Once everything died down, I looked over at Armin, who seemed more nervous than before. I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, startling him.

“Listen, Armin... this means a lot to me. I appreciate you doing this.”

“Jean, it’s really no problem. (Y/n) has been like a sister to me and I know how happy you made her, I want to do everything in my power to help her.” Armins big eyes stared back into mine, filling me with more hope.

Eren places a hand on Armins back, nudging him to the door.

“Come on, we should probably get you all ready to go.”

Armin nodded and both boys got up off the bed and made their way out the room, heading down the hall to Armins room. I decided I should make my way to the living room and join everyone else. Historia followed behind me, turning her attention to her phone in order to distract herself.

As I made my way to the living room, I noticed most of our friends were all on the couch, along with (Y/n). They seemed to be watching some television show that I didn’t recognize. Upon entering, the group stared at me, trying to get a read on whether I was okay or not. I just nodded my head as in order to tell them shit was okay. Unready to be around her yet, I entered the open kitchen, deciding to sit at the island and keep my distance.

I was unaware of another set of dark eyes on me, watching me from the room.