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drconstellation · 11 months

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What the Tartan Tells Us

Or, Tales from the Tartan

(I wanted both titles!)

Updated 10 Nov 2023

I've been reading up a bit about tartan today to what it can tell us, and it seems its not too hard to do. The clues are more in the colours, and the overall pattern, there aren't any particularly rigid rules that need to be stuck to.

For the colour analysis, I'll be referring to my recent colour meta All the Colours of the GO Rainbow for interpretation. I need to tweak the interpretation for red on it, though, based on what I'm seeing here, and some other information I just got. That's OK, red and yellow are the two hardest colours to pin down, they are quite complex in their meaning and perhaps not what you expected them to be, and I expect that it will be a meta that evolves a bit over time anyway.

So for a warm up, let's start with the tartan blanket Aziraphale provides to cover the naked Gabriel on the first day he arrives at the book shop.

Lets lists the colours we can see:

White - for his base angelic nature that is showing since he misplaced his memory.

Oystershell gray - for his high angelic ranking as Supreme Archangel Gabriel.

Teal* - Blue mixed with green, Heaven mixed Hell, Lawful mixed with Chaos; which is one of Aziraphale's signature colours.

Black - that hint of a mystery in play. What is being hidden?

Dark Gray - the thick cross stripes, which are interesting. "Shades of gray" are something we associate with Aziraphale and Crowley. That's the world they walk in on Earth together, where their two sides blend together. Another hint that Gabriel was starting to see something else than the one-sided thinking of Heaven?

[*I've bounced around a bit on this colour while writing this, but I'm going back to my original thoughts on it. It's not Heaven blue, its tainted with green, and its the same colour Saraqael and Muriel wear (see below) so its something else.]

Next, let's look at Aziraphale's own tartan. We mainly see it in his bow tie, but it also appears on the bike rack he miracles onto the Bentley when they give Anathema a lift back to Jasmine Cottage in S1E2. I'm going to use the examples from this older post by bluebandedagate back in 2019 called A Discourse on Tartan, as they make it quite clear, and when I looked at it closely again after doing my colour meta I actually gasped. Because it tells us there is very little of Heaven left in Aziraphale, despite what he openly says, and one other very revealing fact.

Here is the tartan swatch. It's called "Heaven's Dress Tartan," despite there being next to no Heaven in it.

For a start, there is no white base, which we night expect with an angel. Its all been removed.

We have a beige base instead, which is one of the working angel colours, probably there as part of his Earthly duties.

There are some wider dark gray stripes. My interpretation here is this is the work of Crowley, who has made him question the morality of Heaven over time - the shades of gray.

Then we get the thin black stripes - the mystery of his unpredictable nature. You never quite know what he's going to do next... Plus the constant effort to hide what he is doing with Crowley.

And finally the red. Red is never a colour associated directly to angels in the present day, so it can only mean one thing - a declaration of his bond to the one who does wear that particular shade of red - Crowley.

Red is not necessarily a demonic colour per se, its more a colour of devoted passion. Shax also wears red, usually a darker red, and she is devoted to climbing the ranks of power in Hell with a passion. And the Red Team in the paintball battle at Tadfield Manor represented the faction devoted to management and following the rules.

The other noticeable thing about Aziraphale's tartan is the tightness and intensity of the pattern. The stripes are quite thin and they repeat often.

Saraqael's tartan is:

Purple, for royalty. they rank high, somehow, or they're aligned with Gabriel's office.

Oyster-shell gray, for the Archangels.

A pinstripe of primary blue, for Heaven.

White for angels

A wide stripe of dark gray (on the collar.)

Wow. That's some heavy hitting in combinations of colours there. We've recognized them as one of the "dark horses" in the series, and their Tactical Turtleneck backs up the idea that they are now involved with surveillance and spy work in Heaven (eh, they were certainly watching and spying on Crowley and Muriel during their little jaunt in Heaven in S2E6. And I sooo wish I could get a good look at their ring, but there just isn't high enough resolution to do so.)

Muriel's tartan is very similar to Saraqael's but has a pattern with a teal theme in it as well. It's a bit hard to tell the shade of blue-green here, but a closer look at Saraqael's trouser leg reveals all the colours in their tartan displayed in a strip down the outside seam. Purple and silver-gray dominate, but the teal-blue pops out as well. It looks very similar to the shade of teal in Jimbriel's blanket above. Yep, a dark horse, indeed. I wouldn't trust Saraqael, if I were you.

There is some question as to whether Muriel reports directly to Saraqael, but I am wondering if this marks them as one Saraqael has to keep their eyes on as well - because of something that happened in the past. How does one become a lowly 37th ranked scrivener? I mean, c'mon, doesn't that just sound...ridiculous? What did they do to get demoted so far down? And how many others were demoted before them? Questions for another day, perhaps.

Edit: I missed this example in my original post - Jimbriel wearing a dressing gown with a similar tartan to Saraqael and Muriel. This occurs right at the beginning of S2E3, if you are looking for it. It's all the same colours - royal purple, archangel silver-gray, white but also a cross stripe of black and a wider cross stripe of dark gray. He only wears it in this one upstairs shot. There is some metaphorical context here - Jim is looking out and down over the "Outside" as everyone moves about on Whickber street below, much like an angel looking down from Heaven at humans moving about on Earth (yes, you should think about the upper level of the bookshop as corresponding to Heaven...it is "upstairs" after all.)

The other tartan I saw was on the kilts of the angelic soldiers behind the quartermaster in S1E5, when Aziraphale has discorporated in the portal and gone up to Heaven. The tartan there is just in two to three different shade of working-angel beige and off-white, in big wide stripes. Fairly ordinary, run-of-mill stuff. Rank and file, if you will.

I couldn't get a good look at the colours of the tartan on the thermos of holy water Aziraphale gives Crowley in S1. When you enlarge the images they go a bit blurry as they are not high-def enough. I can't tell if its green or gray stripes running vertically, and if the horizontal ones are black or red, or both. If so, that's an interesting colour choice for Aziraphale to give to Crowley, and it's certainly not the same pattern as his bow tie. I could understand if it was just a wider pattern of the beige-grey-black-red. If anyone can help out I'll update with a description and analysis.

#good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #good omens meta #good omens analysis #celestial tartan #tales of the tartan #color theory #color meta #muriel #saraqael #gabriel

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goodluckclove · 5 months

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hi again ! i read your hot dog scene and the way you describe food with such love and detail is honestly wild and so fun to read, and i was wondering if you had any tips on writing about food/experiencing a new food for the first time ? one of my characters (ava, who just found evangelion on the cloaked web and binged it, btw) has had a very small variety of food before she broke out of the lab she was raised in, and the initial part of her my other protagonist's storyline is centered around food and candy to some extent. i want to really encapsulate the joy that new tastes and textures bring to ava but every time i try to write about food itself and not the fun of the process of making it, i sound really cringy. i'm personally a casual food enjoyer, no gourmet by any means, so that's on my part. anyways sorry for this huge fucking paragraph lmao if you have any quick tips i would really appreciate it!!!! i hope you and Wife and the cats are doing well :))))

Quick tips. That's funny that you think I'm capable of that.

So when it comes to food descriptions my main focus for my own writing is perspective. Different people focus on food in different ways, and this is showcased in the Songbird Elegies between each POV.

Edgar's a chef, and he grew up going hungry often because of parental neglect, so he has a deep passion and love for food. He knows how to detect distinct ingredients in a meal and can acknowledge how textures mix to create something new. He wishes he had the money to go to a molecular gastronomy restaurant back when that was a thing. He can distinguish mushrooms by taste and smell. Edgar can talk to you for about ten minutes on the uses of saffron. It is beyond what is reasonable for someone in his industry.

Scott also loves food, but he isn't nearly as educated about it. He can sort of cook, but he grew up mainly with lovingly-crafted home cooked meals prepared by his mom and the other adults of the community. Food is emotional for him. If he is having a bad day, a three-dollar cup ramen and a gourmet soup will have the same effect. He just appreciates a hot meal. When Edgar makes him a Japanese curry in chapter one of Blind Trust I think he says that the smell "inspires without intimidating", or something to that effect. His view of food is much more abstract.

Tenzin does not think about food that often. She knows when it's good and when it's bad, and can gauge the general temperature of it. I think she's probably the worst cook of the three, but she does still try to cook. She thinks food is just a thing you eat to live, but it's nice to eat stuff that's good, and her mind doesn't go much farther than that. When she eats something it reflects that.

The only actual tip I have is that if you're describing a meal you've never had, I get a lot of use from referencing the novels before recipes for that meal. That's what I did when describing some moussaka Scott's mom makes in book two. I've never had moussaka, but I was able to break it down into things I do have reference for (cream, potato, beef, tomato), and sort of jam out from there.

I tried to think of what I think of when I eat food and realized my first reference point is texture and then emotion and THEN flavor. I'm more Scott than Edgar in that sense.

Hope that helps???

#writeblr #writing community #writers on tumblr #on writing #authors of tumblr #writing tips #writing resources #writing asks #songbird elegies #lore time bby

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mariana-oconnor · 1 year

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The Sussex Vampire pt 2

It took me five times to write the title correctly, so this is clearly going to go brilliantly.

Back to the vampires

Now, my working theory is that the son is secretly trying to off his new half-sibling and frame his stepmother. Mainly I think this because Peru, because British authors in the first part of the twentieth century loved a good untraceable tropical poison from South America.

“She verra ill,” cried the girl, looking with indignant eyes at her master. “She no ask for food. She verra ill. She need doctor. I frightened stay alone with her without doctor.”

First... wow. That's some terrible accent work there. Yikes. Second, is she ill because she's been sucking poison out of her baby's neck?

“Would your mistress see Dr. Watson?” “I take him. I no ask leave. She needs doctor.”

First, all he's going to do is prescribe brandy. And second, it's lucky he's actually a medical doctor (Although I'm not convinced he's ever done much medicine. He wasn't at his practice much before he abandoned it to live with Holmes again.) You can't just go assuming that everyone called doctor such and such knows medicine. I have many friends and relatives who are doctors and literally 1 of them is a medical doctor.

Both were high, and yet my impression was that the condition was rather that of mental and nervous excitement than of any actual seizure.

Or... an untraceable tropical poison...

“A fiend! A fiend! Oh, what shall I do with this devil?”

A fiend? A devil? Or perhaps...

(No, she's referring to the son. Definitely because who else could it be. Way too obviously directed at her husband here for it to actually be him.)

So far no brandy though. Watson must have lost all his medical knowledge since he left his practice. Woe.

“He loves me. Yes. But do I not love him? Do I not love him even to sacrifice myself rather than break his dear heart? That is how I love him. And yet he could think of me—he could speak of me so.”

Lady, I get it, I get it. You don't want to tell him his son is a murderer. But given the evidence you've left the poor man with, what do you expect. You think he'll just be like 'well, she beat my son and she keeps chowing down on our baby's neck, but I trust that she knows what she's doing?'

...a youth entered the room. He was a remarkable lad, pale-faced and fair-haired, with excitable light blue eyes which blazed into a sudden flame of emotion and joy as they rested upon his father. He rushed forward and threw his arms round his neck with the abandon of a loving girl.

The child is evil.

Although I kind of dislike how they're using his 'excess' of emotional response to show this, especially with the comparison to a woman. There's a distinct undercurrent in this description that sparks of him 'showing too much emotion for a boy' and therefore being othered.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into things in order to support my own hypothesis. Am I altering data to suit my story? Am I the misogynistic one reading too much into this.

Although it literally says in the text that his father 'gently disengaged himself from the embrace with some little show of embarrassment.'

Like, tell me that isn't outright supporting my reading.

Presently he returned, and behind him came a tall, gaunt woman bearing in her arms a very beautiful child, dark-eyed, golden-haired, a wonderful mixture of the Saxon and the Latin. Ferguson was evidently devoted to it, for he took it into his arms and fondled it most tenderly.

Watson out there refusing to apply gendered pronouns. How very modern of him. Lol.

It is a bit weird to see a baby referred to as 'it' so consistently, though. Not even 'them'. Reminds me of the baby object in the Sims.

Then he smiled, and his eyes came back to the baby. On its chubby neck there was this small puckered mark. Without speaking, Holmes examined it with care. Finally he shook one of the dimpled fists which waved in front of him. “Good-bye, little man. You have made a strange start in life."

Holmes being very nice to a baby. Actually interacting with... it? when he really doesn't need to. Not like the baby knows what he's saying. Just taking the time to be nice to a baby. Super heartless and lacking in empathy, that man.

“Do you like her, Jack?” Holmes turned suddenly upon the boy. His expressive mobile face shadowed over, and he shook his head. “Jacky has very strong likes and dislikes,” said Ferguson, putting his arm round the boy. “Luckily I am one of his likes.”

On the one hand, perfectly reasonable to dislike the woman who beat you. On the other hand, maybe the father knows his son is capable of terrible things.

The boy cooed and nestled his head upon his father's breast. Ferguson gently disengaged him.

Oh my god, he's a kid. Let the boy have a hug. Even if he is a monster-child, this is probably why. Though I have a sneaking suspicion the story is going to try to tell me it's the exact opposite.

"Now, Mr. Ferguson, I am a busy man with many calls, and my methods have to be short and direct. The swiftest surgery is the least painful. Let me first say what will ease your mind. Your wife is a very good, a very loving, and a very ill-used woman.”

And your son is a murderer.

“I will do so, but in doing so I must wound you deeply in another direction.” “I care nothing so long as you clear my wife. Everything on earth is insignificant compared to that.”

People really need to think before they make statements like this. I understand that he is unlikely to consider that his son is trying to murder his other child in a fit of outraged jealousy over having to share his beloved father, but still... famous last words.

"The idea of a vampire was to me absurd. Such things do not happen in criminal practice in England."

The specficity of this is very bizarre. Do they happen in other kinds of practices in England?

"Was there not a queen in English history who sucked such a wound to draw poison from it?”

Was there?

OK, apparently this refers to Queen Eleanor, who sucked the poison from Edward I's poisoned knife wound in 1272. A story that has, sadly, fallen out of vogue in the English educational system. Probably because we don't really like to discuss the crusades except in a very general, distant sense. Or... y'know... any of the other times we invaded people. There are a lot of gaps in English history lessons.

“A South American household. My instinct felt the presence of those weapons upon the wall before my eyes ever saw them. It might have been other poison, but that was what occurred to me. When I saw that little empty quiver beside the small bird-bow, it was just what I expected to see. If the child were pricked with one of those arrows dipped in curare or some other devilish drug, it would mean death if the venom were not sucked out."

Curare, that was the name I've been trying to think of. Very popular for a while in literature.

“I watched him as you fondled the child just now. His face was clearly reflected in the glass of the window where the shutter formed a background. I saw such jealousy, such cruel hatred, as I have seldom seen in a human face.”

Sometimes it does suck to be right.

Suck... heh. Pun wasn't intended, but I'll take it.

“I think a year at sea would be my prescription for Master Jacky,” said Holmes.

Like... they're making him work on a ship? I know therapy isn't really anything at this point in time. But would-be murderer child gets sent to sea?

I doubt he'll be killed in a mysterious shipwreck off page, like so many others have been, but really... how is sending him to sea going to help literally anyone? Surely it'll just make him angrier and more resentful.

Victorian parenting was super weird.

Is this to 'make him a man', because we've seen him being compared to a woman? Is this some sort of misguided restoration of the gender binary to save him?

"There, now,” he added as he closed the door behind him, “I think we may leave them to settle the rest among themselves.”

Also Holmes reading the room well enough to know husband and wife need some alone time?

(One last vampire gif there that I don't know if anyone but me will even recognise. Josef, you almost made me understand the vampire thing...)

#Letters from Watson #Sherlock Holmes #The Sussex Vampire #long post #Qd

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irithnova · 4 months

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This is a repost but I've made some edits, it was originally in response to an ask I received about how I personally go about making Siberia OCs (as a complete foreigner) and how I portray their relationship with Russia

Start of post:

I know that you're probably aware but for anyone who stumbles upon this post, I'm not Northern Asian or Siberian myself. I'm just someone who's interest/hobby is researching Northern Asian history and culture (started with just Mongolia, my interest also extends to Central Asia) which started when I was around 13/14? So please keep that in mind. This is a post written by an outsider (with the perspectives of Northern Asians taken into account of course), for other outsiders.

If I'm being quite honest, Hetalia Siberia OCs in particular are quite a... Niche corner of the Hetalia fandom. Especially in the anglophone/Western fandom. I'd say they're more popular in Russian speaking country personification communities (not always specifically Hetalia) purely because of the obvious - Siberia is a part of Russia. Unfortunately I do not speak Russian, nor am I really familiar with the Russian speaking hetalia fandom or country personification circles. However I have spoken to Northern Asian folk who are a tad more familiar with these circles than I am, and have come to find that even then, people who post Siberia personification OCs are few and far between, and those who do, post them very rarely and there's little else of these characters other than once in a blue moon art.

In the Western/English speaking fandom, as I've said before, there's really not a lot of us. Most representations of Siberian hetalia OCs usually come down to sparse dottings of fanart across different sites such as Tumblr, Deviantart, and Instagram. I am not on the hetalia amino so I wouldn't know but I highly doubt there are many, if any, Siberia OCs posted on there. I frequent hetalia twitter, particularly amongst North Asia (by that I mean Mongolia) adjacent posters, who are mainly Japanese. However it seems as if Mongolia is the furthest North most will go. So the circles I'm personally aware of (well not really circles as there's not a lot of us in the English speaking fandom) that do post about Siberia OCs are mainly here on tumblr, instagram, and I guess some rare art posted on Deviantart.

Honestly I don't think I can really recommend someone in these circles that I'm aware of (other than @peonycats as we developed a lot of these OCs together along with a lot of research of course) in terms of writing their relationships with Russia respectfully or writing respectful OCs in general for quite a few reasons:

Some of these creators don't post their OCs frequently enough for me to pass a judgement on/have become inactive

I don't know some of them personally, so again, cannot pass any judgement

Some creators genuinely have really insensitive portrayals of Siberian groups relationships with Russia

I am aware of certain creators who have excused racism against Northern Asians and others who have defended the Russian state's mistreatment of them (yes, despite posting about Northern Asians). I'm not giving out specific names but I'm not going to recommend them either

This isn't me trying to toot my own horn when it comes to hetalia Siberia OCs as despite my long standing interest, I want to reiterate that I am not from there. But to answer your question on how I would personally represent them/how I'd approach representing them from an outsiders POV (I guess this could apply to other country personification communities too such as countryhumans because of the common theme but I've only ever been in hetalia so,):

I think part of the question can be answered with the post you are referring to. It is vital to understand the nature and history of why Siberian groups are a part of Russia in the first place - colonisation. And it is just as vital to understand and acknowledge the effects of colonisation on such groups and the ongoing mistreatment and injustices they face under the Russian state. Without this in mind, representations of Siberian groups' relationships with Russia end up being tone deaf and one dimensional at best. At worst, orientalist caricatures and/or colonisation apologia.

This does take a lot of reading and research. Not just on the aforementioned topics, but also on orientalist depictions and stereotypes that are associated with Northern Asians. It's all good to be knowledgeable on how the colonisation of Siberia took place and ongoing injustices indigenous Siberians face, but that with no understanding of racist and exoticised stereotypes - a majority of which being a result of colonisation and an overall eurocentric outlook on "unsettled" peoples (putting "unsettled" in quotes here because the concept of a people being unsettled is in itself a eurocentric concept that was used to justify colonisation and the concept of "virgin land" that I talked about in my previous post), still results in insensitive depictions, both overall as characters and especially with their relationship with Russia. It's no good touting facts about how the Sakha people were colonised but then make up headcanons about how Russia had to "teach" Sakha to "behave" (this is a real example I've seen).

That being said, whilst it is obligatory that those topics are read about and applied accordingly, I also believe giving them agency is just as important. I don't want to say "putting too much emphasis on the colonisation aspect" but rather, emphasis on the colonisation and ongoing injustices without giving them a level of agency can also result in insensitive depictions. Siberian groups did and continue to fight/push back against the Russian state and it is just as important that their efforts and diligence against the face of their oppressor is acknowledged. It is correct to acknowledge that they are victims of Russian imperialism, but it is also correct to give them agency and depict them giving Russia pushback. Otherwise, this sort of portrayal diminishes the vast efforts Siberian groups have gone through and continue to go through against a much more powerful nation, and you end up with a bunch of OCs who's entire characterisations consists of merely being a punching bag for Russia.

On the other hand, and this is a depiction I've seen: there is such a thing as tokenising Siberian groups solely in order to signal to people how much you hate Russia. In this way, Siberian groups are depicted only as tools for the original poster to vocalise their distaste of Russia, with little exploration of their relationship with Russia outside of this and frankly, little exploration of them as characters and their history/culture overall other than "lol guys look they're trolling Russia!!!1" (and this is on the rare occasion that they are even talked about by such creators). I have absolutely no problem depicting them trolling Russia or conspiring to ruin Russia's day or something because we all know he deserves it, but this should not be the sole way in which such groups are ever brought up - if they are even talked about in the first place. I'm not saying to depict their relations with Russia as only doom and gloom and I do think the concept of them trolling him or annoying him is funny, but when such groups are only brought up in order to show them pwning Russia and nothing more, it, 1) runs the risk of downplaying the severity of the mistreatment they go through 2) runs the risk of these OCs not having any character outside of their relationship and interactions with Russia 3) can even give off the impression that Russia is the victim of their bad behaviour rather than the other way around.

It's even worse if offensive stereotypes are used in these depictions. Whilst Greenland is not a part of Siberia, groups in Greenland and Siberia are in many ways related not just through history and culture but also in the ways in which they are stereotyped. I've seen a depiction in which it seemed as if the creator was acknowledging that indigenous Greenland groups are mistreated, but to combat this they portrayed Greenland as being a violent, unruly drunkard that "abused" Denmark all the time, but it's okay because Denmark deserved it. Not only is an offensive stereotype of indigenous Greenlanders being used in this "look at Greenland owning Denmark!" portrayal, but Denmark is almost seen as a victim of Greenland's bad behaviour rather than the other way round. This is why I said that it is so important to learn about offensive stereotypes that are associated with Northern Asian folk, because you can be knowledgeable on how they are mistreated but still create insensitive depictions if you are not familiar with racist stereotypes. Nothing wrong with depicting Siberian groups giving Russia pushback, or depicting them annoying or trolling him, but please don't fall into using offensive stereotypes to do so and do not solely use these groups as a tool to display your hatred of Russia - that in itself is dehumanising.

When I say that "I'm not saying to depict their relations with Russia as only doom and gloom", that certainly doesn't mean portray them as being in love with Russia with little acknowledgement of ongoing injustices. Ships are a tricky enough subject in the hetalia fandom because of the nature of the content, however it's important to be sensitive if you are portraying an indigenous and settler relationship, especially if the colonised are still a colonised people with no independent state of their own and are "autonomous regions" that are a part of the coloniser nation state. I will not speak on Siberians who may choose to do this as this is their lived experience (though, I have not come into contact with any so far that do so - and those I have talked to about this topic have shown great distaste towards these types of depictions), but if you are an outsider who chooses to do this you seriously need to be careful (speaking as an outsider).

I cannot tell you what to ship or what not to ship. But I can sure as hell tell you that I have seen depictions of Sakha (for example) being portrayed as a woman who is infatuated/in love with Russia, who has "forgiven" Russia for everything he did, and who selflessly does things for him. And I can't say that the Sakha people I have talked to are impressed with this portrayal.

It's even worse when you consider that the whole "Sakha woman selflessly in love with a Russian man" is literal colonisation apologia:

There is an overglorified myth promoted of a Sakha woman called Abakayade selflessy marrying a Russian settler by the name of Semyon Deshnev, whereas in reality she was forcibly converted and married to him. The picture of the statue I linked above is colonial apologia, that is supposed to represent the "love" between the natives and settlers.

I myself do not ship any Siberian indigenous group with Russia and I'm not planning on doing so. All I can say is to tread lightly, and don't push out flimsy half-baked portrayals without thoroughly thinking about it considering the steep power imbalance between the indigenous and the settlers, especially amidst the recent and ongoing disproportionate mobilisation of indigenous peoples in the invasion of Ukraine. How I see it anyways, there are much higher stakes when shipping an indigenous group and it's settler vs two nations who have a long history of warfare with each other like France and England, or at least two independant nations. I, as an outsider, personally would not romanticise or make a lovey dovey relationship between an indigenous group and the settler group period - especially as I am not indigenous in any sense and when it comes to Siberian indigenous, those I have talked to so far from this region seem to unanimously dislike such portrayals.

This point kind of links to my previous one, but I would not portray a Siberian group and Russia's relationship as the Siberian group being some sort of helper or even something of a mom friend - a "rock to lean on" in Russia's life who "keeps Russia in check". I have seen this portrayal with Sakha, Kazakhstan and even Belarus. It's already quite odd to depict the colonised comforting the coloniser. However it gets a little more problematic when you realise that the colonised are almost being portrayed as accessories of Russia/ enthusiastic bearers of emotional labour for Russia. I have spoken to a Northern Asian who is more familiar with Russian country personification communities and they've seen a portrayal that unfortunately, fits that description almost perfectly.

It's important to portray their relationship with Russia as rounded and with both sides having equal say and shown to be fully developed characters in their own rights, though this applies more specifically to the Siberian OC in the relationship as they are the ones who are often reduced to accessories in their relationship with Russia. By this I mean that depictions of their relationship with Russia centre around Russia's feelings and perspectives with little thought put into their feelings and perspectives. They simply act as sidekicks or side characters to Russia rather than fully fledged out characters with their own agency and opinions. Further, it's pretty egregious to show the Siberian group as acting as comforters to Russia who willingly and even enthusiastically partake in engaging in large levels of emotional labour for Russia to "keep Russia sane" when Siberian groups have historically been exploited by Russia and continue to be exploited by Russia to this very day. From fur tax, to forced conversions and Russification, to nuclear testing sites that resulted in poor health conditions for those who inhabited the area, to the disproportionate mobilisation of indigenous Siberians in the invasion of Ukraine - it hasn't stopped. This isn't to say that you're not allowed to depict a lighter side to their relationship, but to boil it down to "Sakha/Buryatia/Chukotka etc. are fiercely protective of Russia/selflessly goes out of their way to help Russia/act as Russia's rock to lean on" is very... Questionable, considering the circumstances.

Bit of a side note but in general you should not be treating Siberian OCs as exoticised accessories. Of course there is nothing wrong with admiring their clothing or jewellery or arts, however it becomes a problem when outsiders use these aspects of their culture to mystify such groups and subsequently view them through an exoticised lense - and so they are reduced merely to pretty objects for outsiders to ogle, and not groups of real people. Because of how niche Siberia OCs are, some may think that drawing a Siberian in a pretty headdress or posting "Siberian aesthetics" and calling it a day is enough to be deemed as knowledgeable or sensitive on the culture in question despite other actions showing otherwise, because there's not really anyone to call them out on their questionable treatment of such cultures. But just know, it's not acceptable to reduce such cultures to merely aesthetics, real research and most importantly respect is the priority (I have unfortunately interacted with people who would repost indigenous Siberian clothing and aesthetics for example but then at the same time, justify/dismiss their mistreatment under the Russian state.)

On an (almost) final note, I would never portray Russia as being a father or even teacher to any Siberian group - period. I've talked about this in a previously very strongly worded post, however portraying Russia as a father to any Siberian group holds many questionable and downright offensive connotations. First of all, these groups existed before Russian colonisation, they had their own unique histories and cultures before Russian settlers arrived. These groups have histories that go back further than the very concept of Russia. This sort of paternalistic outlook is often used by settlers around the globe and colonisation apologists - that the groups they colonised had no culture and no real tangible history before their colonisers arrived, and that the coloniser in question acted almost as a parent and/or teacher to the colonised, lending them a generous hand to "civilise" and "enlighten" the "barbarous" indigenous people. This kind of portrayal of a Siberian group's relationship with Russia is misguided at best and colonisation apologia at worst. Siberian history did not start when Russians arrived, culture was not gifted to them by Russia.

Finally (can you tell I'm a professional yapper?), this is about portraying 2P!Russia or the "evil side" of Russia as... The Asian/Siberian part of Russia. This goes far beyond a mere "disrespectful" portrayal of Russia's relationship with Siberian groups. I'm going to insert an excerpt here on an up and coming post of mine that centres around how anti-Mongolian sentiment manifests, however anti-Mongolian and anti-Siberian sentiment often overlap because they are Northern Asian groups,

Brief summary of what oriental despotism is:

Oriental despotism is the theory that Asian societies are more inclined/prone to authoritarianism than European societies. It is a eurocentric view which paints Asian civilisations as a monolith and ignores complex power structures and nuances in favour of oversimplifying them as simply being authoritarian/having an extremely strong centralised and most importantly "despotic" (basically, backwards) rule.

"...Russia's weirdness and antisocial behaviour when compared to other European characters being blamed solely on Mongolia/Asiatic influences in Russian culture is the theory of oriental despotism rearing its ugly head even if people are not aware that they are doing it.

This next point not only talks about Mongolia but the indigenous Siberians of Russia. I have seen people make 2p!Russia (AKA "evil" Russia) Asian or represent Siberia because:

1)They want to show the Mongol/Tatar influence/side of Russia

2)They want to show the Siberian side of Russia

Considering 2p Hetalia characters are often portrayed as the "dark side" or "evil side" of nations I don't think I need to explain why this is racist, especially after the explanation of what oriental despotism is

In the case of the Siberians I'd argue it is even more egregious to do this. Siberia is a part of Russia because of Russian imperialism/colonisation. Many indigenous Siberian people were killed, their languages and way of lives close to destroyed or destroyed period, and are being disproportionately mobilised by Russia in Russia's invasion of Ukraine. In fact, Siberian soldiers, especially Buryats who are a Mongolic people, are being scapegoated for the brunt of Russia's war crimes in Ukraine.

Pope Francis himself scapegoated the non-(ethnic) Russian soldiers for a majority of Russia's war crimes in Ukraine:

“Generally, the cruellest are perhaps those who are of Russia but are not of the Russian tradition, such as the Chechens, the Buryats and so on,”

From:

...So not only is Russia being called a continuation of the Mongol Empire, with articles titled "Putin Khan" being published without anyone batting an eye, and with a Siberian/Mongolic ethnic minority being scapegoated for Russia's war crimes despite them being victims of Russian imperialism and an ethnic cleansing, do you understand how insensitive it is to make the "dark/2p Russia" a representation of Siberia or the Mongol/Tatar influence on Russia?

To note: It's not just Buryats being disproportionately mobilised.

To use Russia's indigenous Siberian population as a representation of 2p/dark/evil Russia is so unfair it beggars belief. Those people are victims of Russian colonisation, yet their "despotic, Asiatic" ways will be used by racists to scapegoat Russia's bad behaviour onto, despite again, being victims of Russian colonisation and imperialism themselves.

Yes, Russia colonised you, forced you out of your traditional ways of life and destroyed the use of your language. Yes, the Kremlin is unfair to you and you live in the most deprived and poverty stricken areas of Russia. Yes, you're being disproportionately mobilised in Russia's invasion of Ukraine. But you committed the crime of ruining the whiteness of Russia simply by existing there - your despotic Asiatic ways is one of the reasons why Russia is so backwards, you are at fault for the brunt of the warcrimes committed in Ukraine because you are inherently more "barbaric" than white Russians.

"Confronted with a world ruled by the settler, the native is always presumed guilty" (Frantz Fannon)""

That's all I have to say on that topic for now. I decided to include it as although it's technically kind of a portrayal of Russia's relationship with Siberian groups, as the Siberian groups are all blended into one and then made the "evil" part of Russia. It's genuinely one of the worst interpretations I've seen of Russia and Siberian groups in a hetalia context.

Oh and, this should be obvious. Singular Siberia OCs (as in, "Here is my aph Siberia OC who represents THE WHOLE of Siberia and is the amalgamation of EVERY SINGLE SIBERIAN GROUP INTO ONE!!") will always be offensive, period. I talk about this in a previously strongly worded post and the post mainly centers around this point. What's funny is, this post was part of the reason of why someone thought it was acceptable to harass me with fake accounts on, as they (not Siberian or even Northern Asian) argued people should be "able to do what they fucking want <3" (actual quote) in terms of depicting singular Siberia OCs. Meanwhile, actual Siberians agreed with the post. So, there's that. Again, this seems to be an acceptable interpretation to some which I would find funny if it wasn't so... Stupid? It's like making a singular Africa OC. It completely undermines the diversity of the groups that inhabit Siberia. I've seen people justify this kind of depiction by saying "well all of these cultures were killed by Russia/are dead now anyways so that means it makes sense for them all to be portrayed through (1) personification" I'm sorry but 1) So many of these cultures are still alive and kicking, they most definitely aren't "all dead" 2) Who the hell are you as an outsider to declare a culture dead? Especially when there's evidence to the contrary?

The worst singular Siberia I've seen was an abomination of the singular Siberia OC and "Russia as a father to Siberian groups" mashed into one. It went like "Russia was walking along the empty snowy plains of Siberia and found a little girl there who was the representation of Siberia and he raised her and is partly her biological father". Let's break this down:

Strike 1: The concept of Terra Nullius or "Virgin Land" - Siberia was not an empty no mans land for settlers to roam around in and lay claim on, it has been the home of indigenous Siberian groups for thousands of years

Strike 2: Undermines the brutality of the colonisation of Siberia and the atrocities that took place

Strike 3: Singular Siberia OC

Strike 4: Russia being this personifications biological father and the father who raised her. This has... Extremely disturbing connotations, especially on the biological father part when you consider the sexual violence indigenous Siberian women were subjected to. This is also why I bitched about that interpretation I saw of Sakha being portrayed as a woman who is hopelessly in love with Russia.

Here's that strongly worded post in question, yes I do sound like a grade A bitch here but you would not believe the crap I've seen that lead up to me making this post:

What's most important in depicting Siberian groups' relationships with Russia is by seeking out Siberian perspectives online whether it's through forums or videos, and if it's possible - asking them directly. You cannot make an OC that is a representative of a nation/group of people without centering and incorporating the aforementioned peoples voices, especially if the OC in question is a representative of an indigenous group because frankly, there are higher stakes with such depictions. I understand with certain groups it's harder to directly reach out to them, whether it's because there's not very many of them or for other reasons. In the meantime though, that should not stop you from doing reading and research, and getting into contact with other groups and asking their perspectives.

TL;DR

It's important to do research on the colonisation of Siberia and the ongoing injustices Siberians face at the hands of the Russian state in order to depict a sensitive portrayal of a Siberian group's relationship with Russia. Research should also be done on racist and exoticised stereotypes Northern Asian folk face in order to avoid such stereotypes when depicting such relationships with Russia. They should be acknowledged as victims of Russian imperialism but they should also be given agency and should also be depicted as giving pushback so as to acknowledge the efforts Siberian groups make in order to fight back against mistreatment of the Russian state. I would not personally portray a Siberian group entering into a romantic relationship with Russia as the Siberians I have spoken to are uncomfortable with this kind of depiction, if you choose to do so however as an outsider - be careful.

Siberia OCs should not be treated as accessories or enthusiastic bearers of emotional labour to Russia and should first and foremost be fully fleshed out characters with their own thoughts, feelings and personality outside of Russia before depicting their relationship with Russia so as to avoid unknowingly portraying them as accessories to Russia. I would not portray Russia as being a father or "teacher" to any Siberian group as the former is blatantly historically incorrect and offensive, and both are concepts that are used by settlers and colonisation apologists alike ("the indigenous had no culture or tangible history before we came, we acted as a teacher/parent to them in order to civilise them). Singular Siberia OCs that are meant to represent every single Siberian group in one personification will always be offensive. When making Siberia OCs and depicting their relationships with Russia, research and seeking out Northern Asian perspectives is vital.

My personal interpretation:

Honestly, I think the most positive feeling Siberian groups feel for Russia is tolerance. The baseline emotion they have for him is dislike/distrust. I see Russia as kind of being... Fake nice to them if that makes sense? Not in a two faced sense but I think he likes them on a very surface level as of course they are a part of Russia so he will include them in on things/have groupchats with them/visit sometimes but it's kind of like. Beyond that he isn't so nice in the sense of actually taking their complaints and criticisms to heart and has an "everything is fine ^J^" mentality to things. So many places in the far East of Russia are extremely neglected because the Russian state does not care to improve living conditions for such places - Tuva being a prime example. I think Russia usually gives more attention to regions that he can get something out of, like Sakha with his rich mineral reserves.

Sometimes for PR purposes he'll tokenise Northern Asian groups to tout himself as being a #rich and #diverse nation like "wow, I am such a diverse nation and we treat our ethnic minorities/indigenous groups as one of our own" and "our ethnic minorities are not victims unlike American SJW ones" (actual shit I've seen Russians say). Basically, he'll use them to big himself up all the while his treatment of them is questionable at best. I also think Russia orientalises them to an extent and will sometimes refer to them as "fierce warriors" or some other bullshit like that (again, actual shit I've seen Russians say) and usually doesn't really take their complaints seriously or kind of brushes it off, if not that he'll minimise their complaints. A lot of them usually bite their tongue and roll their eyes at this.

There are quite a few (like Sakha for example) I think who go full on lawyer mode as a way to give Russia pushback (this forces Russia to respond essentially) but also I do think it's funny when they just conspire to ruin Russia's day somehow or troll him/are snappy or petty to him. Basically, they only really tolerate him at best and see right through his childish/innocent/friendly demeanour. Not to say that there aren't lighter moments between them or that every interaction between them ever is antagonistic but yeah. Hm I don't think they're as...Afraid of him as a lot of other nations are? Not that they don't ever fear him or fear the consequences of questioning his actions, but moreso that well - they're a part of Russia of course and so are more used to him. Less fear going around more "oh god what's he going to do this time".

#hetalia world stars #hetalia world series #hetalia world twinkle #historical hetalia #hetalia siberia #aph siberia #hws siberia #aph russia #hws russia #hetalia russia #ivan brag

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 7 months

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All right, I did a post yesterday about the Cowgate incident of 2003, which started because I read the disappointing news that the site of the incident will be closed to the public when I'm in Edinburgh this summer, and I literally read it during a brief period of being awake in the middle of a fever dream. And then of course I made a post about it, because if you wake up in the middle of a fever dream, you always have to post about the real-life incident that most resembles the content of an actual fever dream.

This made me realize it's been a little while since I've actually watched that video, I went through a year or so of re-watching it at least once a week (mainly because it became a go-to re-watch when drunk, particularly near the end of the night when I no longer wanted to focus on anything coherent or longer than a few minutes, personally I'd never want to be at a comedy show while drunk but I do see why they'd do this for a drunk crowd, it appeals to that side of the brain), but I hadn't seen it in six months or so. I thought, I've probably been building this up in my head a bit in the six months of not actually watching it. The idea of Cowgate as a weird drunken fever dream (though one enjoyable thing about it is that besides Adam Hills and the entire audience I'm pretty sure the people involved were sober, as that was sort of the Chocolate Milk Gang's thing, getting their name specifically because they were the only people who didn't get drunk at late-night Edinburgh shows, instead they went for milkshakes across the road) had become a running joke in my mind and sometimes my Tumblr references, but at this point it's more of a symbol than anything else. After writing that post that ran with the joke of it being an iconic violent ritual, I thought it would be fun to spend some of my sick day at home re-watching the actual video, expecting to find that it just looks like relatively expected raucous comedy show shenanigans, not quite as mind-breakingly weird as I remember.

...Guys, it's exactly as I remembered. It's so weird. I've made multiple deep dive Cowgate posts before, but not for at least six months (I think the last time I did it one was for the 20th anniversary, August 26 last year, so almost exactly six months, actually), and I think six months should be long enough to make me allowed to repeat myself on the subject. Because there's almost nothing I haven't said before, but watching it again made me want to say it all again. And I do mean almost - I think I did discover one new detail while watching it between fever dreams yesterday. It's pretty good.

Okay, first of all, here's the video in all its glory:

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I cannot emphasize enough how much the first time I came across this it was 2 AM and I had no context for understanding where they were or what was going on. Since then, I have figured out: it's a show called Late 'n' Live. It takes place on many nights throughout the Edinburgh Festival, at a venue called the Gilded Balloon. The Gilded Balloon is owned by Karen Koren. It burned down in 2002 and was rebuilt nearby, this video is from 2003, in the rebuilt venue on Teviot Place. The Late 'n' Live event runs from around 11:30 PM to around 3:30 AM and consists of a bunch of comedians who come on, sometimes to do their own sets and sometimes to do shit like this, managed by a compere, and after that they bring out a band and it turns into a dance floor. At this time, it was known for being a bearpit with a drunk and rough crowd that sometimes got violent. For several years in the late '90s and early '00s, it was famous compered by Johnny Vegas. It was then compered, throughout the early- and mid-00s, by Daniel Kitson. I mean I think there was some crossover, obviously they didn't just have one compere for an entire month and people besides those two guys did it too, some people had to get some sleep at some point. Anyway, these are all things that I know as a direct result of the rabbit hole I went down after finding this video and needing to understand what the ever loving fuck was going on in it. I actually know a lot more than that about Late 'n' Live, but there isn't time for it all right now. I've watched a four-part BBC Scotland documentary series about the history of Late 'n' Live. I watched a Tim Minchin documentary mainly because I like Tim Minchin but a little bit because it had a lot of the Gilded Balloon in it and that was relevant to my Late 'n' Live research. I have an entire folder on my hard drive called Late 'n' Live and it has too many files in it.

One of them's a gif of David O'Doherty throwing his entire body with abandon onto different things at Late 'n' Live in different years: onto Jason Byrne in 2003, onto the floor in 2005, and onto Daniel Kitson in 2007. All clips I found in entirely different sources and decided they needed to be together.

Anyway. I'm getting off topic. Already. Cowgate. The point is Cowgate. I named the incident Cowgate because that's the name of the neighbourhood where the original Gilded Balloon was, and, you know, it was a cow. A cow and what looked like it had to be some sort of scandal. I think it's very clever.

So here's the thing. After I first found that video, which seemed like a tiny relic of one of many moments of one of many nights on one of many years that this stuff went on, and I set about obsessively looking things up for weeks to try to figure out what they were doing, in the process I came across a second video that also happened to capture the same moment. Amazing stuff.

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The former video was on the Gilded Balloon's YouTube channel, and seemed to have been filmed officially by the venue staff. This latter one was a montage of videos taken throughout the night by an audience member who apparently had whatever people used to film things at gigs in 2003. Wouldn't have been a camera phone back then.

This video shed a bit of light on some of the essential mysteries of Cowgate, but didn't actually answer many, and to be honest it asked more questions than it answered. Obviously, one of the main questions I had about Cowgate was "Where did the cow come from?" I'd wondered whether the Chocolate Milk Gang had somehow procured it, or whether they took something that was already there. Both options would open up a lot more questions, such as where did they get it, and if it wasn't there because they specifically put it there for the purposes of taking it apart, how did they get permission to take it apart?

The longer video suggests that it's the latter. It shows Daniel Kitson earlier in the night, messing around with the cow the way he might if its presence on stage were a surprise to him as well as to the audience.

The other essential question is "Why did they attack it?", and this earlier scene may suggest a possible reason. From the dialogue, it seems that Kitson jumped on top of it because the crowd told him to, and then the crowd keeps shouting other cow-based challenges at him, and he makes fun of them for suggesting challenges that are too easy (jump off it, touch it, etc.). The video then cuts, but it is possible that he challenged the crowd to ask him to do something difficult with it, and they said to tear it apart, and then it escalated. That scene seems to be from the beginning of the night, and we know the actual Cowgate ritual was the last thing that happened in the night, because right after they finish Kitson brings the band out and that occurs after the comedy ends. So it's possible that they could have come up with the challenge at the beginning, spent a few hours sourcing various weapons, and then done this at the end.

That theory of course brings up other questions, like how they decided on the weaponry. And, again, why they were allowed to do that. The answer to that question depends on where the cow came from, which I still don't know. I once spent a week looking up the International Cow Parade because I thought maybe it was part of that, but I don't think so anymore. It has the word Metro on the side of it, and someone in the YouTube comments called it the Metro cow. So it was probably an advertisement, not an art piece. But I wouldn't have thought your allowed to take apart a company's advertising installation. Maybe it was going to be destroyed after the festival anyway? Also, why was there a cow-based Metro advertisement on the floor at a comedy gig anyway?

I'd like to go through the video in further detail, as I've done many times before, but not for six months so I think I'm allowed a new one, and also I've come up with one (1) new fact (theory) so that's worth doing the whole thing again. I've just spent two days sick in bed, please allow me to indulge in this.

- Right at the beginning, the "three chances" thing still confuses me. That line really suggests that this is a challenge, not just a weird stunt, that they are being tested to see if they can do it. Possibly tested by an audience that was told to come up with a more difficult idea for something the comedians could try with a cow.

But what are the paramatres of the challenge? To take the cow apart, sure, but the "three chances" line implies more specific restrictions. Did they try this two other times earlier in the night and weren't able to do it? Perhaps tried it earlier with fewer weapons? Or did "three chances" mean three people are allowed to work on it? Doesn't seem likely, as Kitson jumped in fairly quickly and made it four.

- Adam Hills sounds like he's referencing something with "literally bottle it". I know "bottle it" is a expression that means "fuck it up", but I don't see how that's literal in this case. Was there a bottle involved? What would bottling it mean in this instance? Failing the audience's challenge? I don't even know for sure that it was an audience challenge, that's just a guess based on the beginning. It could be something else entirely.

- The part where John Oliver, Demetri Martin, and David O'Doherty scurry across the stage like squirrels makes me laugh every time. Why are they all bent over? What are they hiding from?

- David O'Doherty appears to be the only person who came out carrying a weapon. In the first shot of the guys attacking the cow, DO'D is hitting it with a hammer that he presumably brought from backstage. The other two are pulling on it with their bare hands. Then, in a detail I find hilarious, Demetri Marin reaches behind him and grabs what appears to be a chisel off the floor. I guess what probably happened is he did bring that with him from backstage, then put it down, and we just see him pick it back up. But the editing makes it look like he's tried pulling the horns, it didn't work, so he turned around and grabbed the nearest tool, like a character in a video game that just finds useful weapons lying around.

- It also makes me laugh that Adam Hills used his rap-based narration to make sexual jokes about the cow, while Kitson puts his hand over his mouth/in the air like a rapper, to show he's totally on board with this gangsta rap thing, but also, they have shit to and it's (presumably) nearly 4 AM, so the actual content of his lyrics is going to be to give useful practical advice on how to get this job done. Because they're not combining the tools, and you really need to use the chisel and hammer together or it'll never work.

I enjoy the way at this point, John Oliver takes just the briefest break from attacking a facsimile cow with his bare hands to look up Kitson, looking quite impressed with his approach to the situation. "Yes, thank you Daniel, finally some helpful ideas instead of just cowfucking jokes, now let's get that chisel over here."

- It can be hard to see in the darkness, but this whole thing is basically a Kitson and Oliver-oriented plan. Kitson shouts at DO'D to "combine the chisel and the hammer". John Oliver then points like he's directing a play, getting DO'D to bring his hammer to the other side.

DO'D does this, but puts the hammer down on the ground over there, instead of combining it with anything. That's when Kitson taps DO'D on the back like a pretend wrestler tagging in, possibly deciding that if he stays on the sidelines rapping all night, they'll never get this done and be allowed to leave. So he pushes DO'D out of the way, and takes his spot next to John Oliver. Then he reaches down and grabs a random chisel off the ground, again like a video game character. Then he reaches over the cow and picks up the hammer that DO'D has discarded (like a video game character), so he is now combining the chisel and the hammer. At the same time, John Oliver has physically taken the first chisel out of Demitri Martin's hand, and starts working on the same end as Kitson. Now they're getting somewhere.

- This is one of those videos that's funny every time if you keep running it back to watch the same eight seconds over but this time focus on a different person. DO'D tries to get in after Kitson straight-up stole his spot, leans in but can't find an opening, gives up and walks all the way around them both to try the other end of the cow because clearly the Kitson and Oliver dream team have this end sewn up.

- Then, there's a curveball: someone with the word CREW on the back of their shirt comes out of absolutely nowhere, and hands John Oliver a lead pipe, like a character fucking Clue(do, depending where you live). Where did this come from? Do most stages have large bits of piping lying around backstage? Was John Oliver supposed to bring it on stage with him but forgot it so they had to run it out to him? Or did those crew people decide that they're not making enough progress, someone had better find a large pipe and bring it on stage and hand it to John Oliver so we can all go home.

I've been writing this post so far while watching the official video - the one off the Gilded Balloon YouTube channel - but I think you get a much better view of this specific part from the way it was captured in the montage by an audience member. It's another part that I find incredibly funny. John Oliver is methodically working away with Demitri Martin's chisel and his own hands. Then someone hands him a large weapon, and he immediately raises it above his head like a sword and starts whacking the thing full tilt. Scares the shit out of Kitson on one side of him and DO'D on the other. They both jump, Demitri Martin just cautiously circles away.

In the words of a John Oliver bit that is long outdated but lives on in our hearts and my DVD collection... whaky stick. Whacky stick!!!

Kitson, after initially jumping, responds by choosing to imitate John's style, and starts raising the hammer over his own head to attack it with full force in the same way. While DO'D literally cowers in the corner:

And Demitri Martin continues to do what he's been doing since John took his tool away, which is to run his hands over the body of a cow like a mechanic sizing up a car. He has contributed almost nothing to this operation. I don't even think Demetri Martin knows how to take cows apart. Too busy turning letters into numbers and stuff.

- After getting over the initial excitement of waving a pipe around wildly, John Oliver employs the more thought-out strategy of using it like a lever, trying to prise it open at the seam. Kitson gets in beside him and starts attacking this same seam, striking the weak spot repeatedly with the hammer. In the background, DO'D and Demetri Martin appear to try jumping on the thing.

This is the strategy they're still employing the moment the cow finally comes apart:

I've observed this from multiple angles, and at first I thought Kitson deserved the most credit for breaking it, but now I think it was mainly John Oliver's work. Definitely a team effort though (or at least a dual effort, not sure how much the other two helped, though to be fair the bigger boys took their tools away). It comes apart at the exact spot where Kitson was hitting it with the hammer, you can see Kitson give it a hard kick, then one more strike, then put his arms up in celebration as this strike breaks it in half. But I'm pretty sure it was John's leverage from behind him that allowed him to split the thing.

- At this point they all contribute to pulling it the rest of the way apart; Kitson and Martin hold the top half while Oliver and DO'D take out the bottom. This is another part I find very funny - the way they're so matter-of-fact about handing it out to the audience. Look at John Oliver and David O'Doherty marching this across the stage like they're workers delivering a coach or something:

- Then the camera shows the cow being crowd surfed. The YouTube comments say: "The Metro cow got smashed in two and crowd surfed over everyone out the back door". In his lyrics, Adam Hills talks about taking it up the Royal Mile. The Royal Mile is the street outside, so all this suggests that they continued to take the cow outside and down the street. Was that part of the challenge? Was the initial plan to take the thing apart and then have it carried through the streets of Edinburgh? How far did this cow go?

- I have so far compared them to video game characters, board game characters, tag-team pretend wrestlers, a mechanic, and delivery workers. But my favourite thing to compare them to is probably at the end, when they celebrate like football players who've just won a big match.

"Great work everyone, good hustle out there, really pulled together as a team. Okay, now hit the showers. I want to see you all dressed and ready for milkshakes in ten minutes flat."

- There is so much going on in this video that I find it easier to not try to focus on it all at once, I have to do one thing and then backtrack. So now that I've gone through the whole video while looking at what the rest of them were doing, I need to backtrack and go over the lyrics to Adam Hills' song.

Question: Did Adam Hills think he was going to have to do this alone, or was he supposed to have Kitson co-MC-ing, but then Kitson jumped in partway through? Because I think the latter may have happened. Kitson was the compere for the whole night, as we see in the montage video.

Adam Hills If you had three chances Would you take them? Or would you quite literally bottle it?

As I said before: don't know what he's talking about there. What got literally bottled? Why three chances?

His palms are sweaty, his hair is sweaty He's ready to shoot spaghetti He's got a cow on stage It's got red horns, it's all the rage

This is veering wildly off topic, but I just want to mention that that Adam Hills got his off the cuff "stage/all the rage" rhyme because he'd heard DO'D use it in a freestyle rap battle with Daniel Kitson, that we know from the montage took place earlier than night (another one of my favourite videos, but we don't have time to go into this one right now):

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It's cow tipping, it's not quite shitty Get that cow down in this city Take it up the Royal Mile, attack it with a hammer Kitson's on the stage, he's [?] with a hammer

Again, how far did the cow go? They had clearly planned from the beginning (of this song, at least) to have it out on the Royal Mile. YouTube comments confirm it left the building.

David O'Doherty's going up the ass It's time to fuck this motherfucking class Fuck the udder (x4) Let's get this udder fucking cow out of here

After all the times I've watched this video, this is the first time I've noticed that Adam Hills tried a pun on "mother fucking" there. Glad he's having a good time.

Daniel Kitson Davey, Davey, what you need to do Is combine the chisel and the hammer

Finally, some useful fucking advice.

Adam Hills There's Martin, Demitri Martin The Perrier win has left me smartin'

This was August 26, Hills' song mentions later that it's the last night of Late 'n' Live for that year, so the Perrier Awards had just been given out. In 2003, Demetri Martin won the main award over other nominees: Reginald D. Hunter, Flight of the Conchords, Howard Read and Little Howard, and Adam Hills. Adam Hills, who had also been nominated the previous year, when he lost to Daniel Kitson, and the year before that, when he lost to Garth Marenghi. So he is actually being, as a YouTube comment said, a pretty good sport to jump in and have fun about it. If I were him I'd probably resent losing out an award again and then not even getting to smash shit up.

John Oliver, he's the man If that pipe won't do it, nothing can David O'Doherty, he comes from Ireland, the land of the green Daniel Kitson, he's got a hammer He's also got one motherfucking stammer

I quite enjoy the way no one responds to any of this. Adam Hills starts calling them out by name, including bringing up Kitson's stutter and DO'D nationality and his awards rivalry with Demetri Martin, and none of them even briefly looks at him. They are all very busy and focused on the important task of destroying a cow.

It's time to break this cow down It's time to break this cow down It's not time to chow down It's time to break this cow down

I want this verse embroidered on a throw pillow. Actually, I think I want these entire lyrics printed out and framed on my wall.

Late 'n' Live, Late 'n' Live, it's the very last night It's time to wrap this show up tight Send it out the front, send it out the... [cow breaks apart] Break the cow, break it in half Lead it out the front to the path

Once again, talk of parading this thing around outside the venue. Where were they taking it?

Karen Koren, she's outside She's got petrol dripping down her eyes There was a fire at the Gilded Balloon The police found no one else was to blame If this season doesn't go well This fucking venue's going up in flames

That, of course, is a reference to the Gilded Balloon's history. It burned down in a fire in December 2002. It's now August 2003, and they're in a new venue that was rebuilt nearby. Karen Koren is the venue's owner. I'm pretty sure Adam Hills is implying that she's going to burn down the new venue if the performers don't do well enough. Actually, he's not implying that, he's outright stating it. What he's implying is that she burned down the first venue, presumably for the insurance money, and she is currently outside ready to burn this one down too, if they perform badly enough to make the insurance money worth more than the shows bring in.

The cow's in half, the cow's in half Let's hear it for the cow in half!

This is like that famous poem that was allegedly written by a child about a tiger breaking out of its cage. Sheer poetry.

Tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I Got out of bed at all The morning sun goes up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could, it'd all be grey But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

What's interesting about this is that these are the lyrics to Stan, which is a different Eminem song from the one he was (sort of) singing at the beginning, which was lose yourself. This may or may not be related to the fact that Adam Hills is the only person in this performance who was not a member of the Chocolate Milk Gang, which was a group of comedians known for not getting drunk during or after late-night Edinburgh shows.

It may also be related to the fact that this is a clip of the Edinburgh show that Adam Hills had just spent a month performing:

So he had Stan in his head all month anyway, he was on stage and remembered he was supposed to be singing an Eminem song, his brain told him that the Eminem song he sings on stage is Stan. Fair enough.

Though it's worth noting that those aren't the correct lyrics to Stan either. The Eninem song says the clouds come up the window, not the sun. Why would it be all grey and hard to see if the sun came up the window?

Crowd surf the cow, people.

I want all those lyrics printed out in fancy calligraphy font. And ornately framed. And on my wall.

So that's Cowgate, in case anyone wants to know. But this is just stuff I've said before. I said I had a new detail, didn't I? Well here it is:

Who is that man, sat unobtrusively in the background, playing the percussion set? Of course we have no way of knowing, in such low quality video without any clear shots of his face. Or do we? Because here is a screenshot of Flight of the Conchords, sitting on that very cow, earlier in the same night! (We know it was the same night because it was taken from the montage of the whole night, which ended with a second angle on Cowgate.)

Am I wrong? I might be wrong, tell me if you think I'm wrong. But I think that's Jermaine Clement playing percussion back there. Based on the evidence that: He was there that night. He does play the drums. He's a bona fide member of the Chocolate Milk Gang. And he has the same vague outline and shirt colour as the guy in those screenshots. And he was in the background of the Kitson/DO'D battle rap video, playing guitar, so he does sometime play music to accompany other comedians doing weird shit at Late 'n' Live. My new detail is I think Jermaine Clement was on the stage during Cowgate.

It is cool, really. I mean, I'm obviously being vaguely ironic by treating this late-night comedy show stunt as a vitally important mysterious ritual. But I genuinely think that what happened there is fucking cool, if you look at all those people being on one stage doing something so stupid together, and then consider where they all went after that.

And if Jermaine Clement was there, that just adds to it. The variety and international breadth of all the different comedy careers all in one place just as they were on the cusp of taking off. I mean, by plenty of definitions some had taken off already, but they have all taken off significantly more since then. Almost as though on one night in 2003, they all sacrificed a cow to the gods of success and it worked. Of the main five people involved in the sacrifice rituals, there are three Perrier Awards (Kitson, DO'D, Demetri Martin - though to be fair two of those were won before Cowgate happened so I guess we can't attribute it to the sacrifice), an MBE (Hills), and a shitload of Emmys (Oliver). Which I think they should all bring in for the prize task of the Taskmaster episode that I imagine with those five as the contestants (it's okay, I think this is worth setting racial and gender representation on panel shows back by 20 years), the studio task is to take a cow apart, the winner gets all the trophies.

That's a lot of countries. The Australian Adam Hills, the British Daniel Kitson, the American Demetri Martin, the Irish David O'Doherty, the Kiwi Jermaine Clement, and the now-British/American John Oliver. All with wildly different types of careers. All, for different reasons, among my favourite comedians. I have seen or heard all of the official video or audio stand-up releases by all six of those people (and possibly 1 or 2 or several hundred or so unofficial ones as well). And not because of this video or anything, I sought them out because those are among my favourites and then they were all on stage doing this unhinged thing together.

It's the great mystery of my lifetime, I still want to know where the fuck they got that cow. And I'm genuinely annoyed that I won't be able to see the stage where it happened when I go to Edinburgh this year, but it's all right, I'll look at the outside.

If I ever get to meet any of these people, this is the first question I'm asking. No I don't need to know anything else about your career, just please tell me, what the fuck was going on with that fucking cow in 2003?

#Youtube

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morningstargirl666 · 11 months

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Hey! I absolutely love your stories, and right now I'm super excited to see how TBBW will continue ☺️. I'm really curious how you came up/what inspired you to write everything about the werewolf lore and Klaus' dad being alive and quite amazing if I say so myself 🥰.

Thanks so much! And oh boy, is this a question. So, what did inspire me to write the werewolf lore and Klaus' father into the story?

Well.

That comes down to the very fundamental reason why anyone chooses to write fanfiction. I watched TVD up to s5, then I watched TO up to s3 and you know what I said to myself?

That's fucking stupid.

And then I re-wrote canon my own way out of a mix of rage and spite. Here's how:

First off - the werewolves in the tvd universe are so under-developed and shallow characterisations it wants to make me SCREAM. Like, at least for vampires, we have sire bonds and the intimacy of blood sharing, the implications that powerful vampires controlling big cities, little coffee shops with UV protected windows, the differences between daywalkers and nightwalkers - an idea of an actual SOCIETY out there. For werewolves? There's none of that. The ability to turn into a wolf on a full moon is perceived as a 'curse' by vampires and witches alike, their bite kills vampires and they've been hunted to almost extinction, and that's it. That's all we're given. There's some development in TO to do with packs and how they work, but again, very shallow writing. And again, TO, so it was centred around Hayley's werewolf journey not fucking, oh, I don't know maybe KLAUS MIKAELSON WHO IS PART WEREWOLF, THE ORIGINAL HYBRID???? So yeah. Not sure it even counts at this point.

[deeply inhales]

Sorry, it all makes me very angry thinking about it, as you can certainly tell. See, all that I can probably forgive because it is called The Vampire Diaries and not The Werewolf Diaries - makes sense they didn't spend as much time fleshing out werewolf culture and customs, the details of the species. But then. THEN they had to go bringing Klaus' biological father back from the dead - a man he never knew but probably longed to have known after his death, that little boy inside who always wanted a real father not an abusive shitbag - and then. They. Fucking. Killed him off.

Not only that but KLAUS killed him off.

Add the fact Klaroline was meant to be endgame, ENDGAME I SAY, thus, I was fuelled by such fury and spite I had to rewrite the entirety of tvd's s3-s4 because that, my friends, was the last straw and I could not live in a world where something SO stupid was left unchallenged.

So. It all began with Lycaon, really.

In TO, Ansel is the name of Klaus' father. However, I always thought it would be more interesting if his father looked more like Klaus (Ansel's actor, Lloyd Owen, doesn't look much different from Mikael, brown hair, chiselled chin, etc), for various reasons, mainly being it would be amazing to explore Klaus growing up thinking he looked like the sister that died before he was born, not knowing what his true father looked like and having no other reference since he didn't share Mikael's features. It's like, another layer of detail to him coming to terms with being a bastard. So, if I did bring in Klaus' father in with the name Ansel, readers would be forever associating the character with that physical appearance, which I didn't want. Knowing that, I decided to completely rewrite the entire character from scratch.

'Lycaon' is actually of greek origin - I did look at norse names, but none of them spoke to me, not like this one did. Lycaon just rolls of the tongue so beautifully, and it means 'king of wolves', which was rather fitting I thought. Makes Klaus a little lost prince almost, a reference to a favourite klaroline fic of mine, which expands beautifully on the werewolf lore: The Lost Prince and The Eternal Queen. The people of Scandinavia were travellers and conquerers too, famous for their navy, and with the Greek's influence in Europe, I didn't think it was too outlandish for a greek name to pop up. Like it's improbable, but lets suspend our disbelief a little on that front.

I can't quite remember what inspired Lycaon as a whole (it's been like, 3 years lol). I know I wrote that first chapter of The Little Wolf more as a way to get an idea out of my head. It wasn't about the klaroline then or any of tbbw's plot - even the rest of the little wolf's plot - which I came up with much later. It was just that scene, little Niklaus running through the woods and finding a wolf within them that felt oddly like home.

(And somehow, that one scene bloomed into what's probably going to become a 800k megafic, but isn't that how it always is, with writing?)

Going onto the deeper details of the werewolf lore... that's a mash up of everything I love about werewolves, honestly. There's inspiration drawn from other shows, of course, like Teen Wolf for example and even Twilight much to my shame (those books/movies are questionable okay but the werewolves looked BADASS) as well as just general myth and legend. There was some things I knew I didn't want to do, like make the wolf mates fated by destiny, something i've seen a lot in kc fics. That removes the romance for me, so in tbbw a wolf mate isn't a soulmate by supernatural force... they're a soulmate of choice. A mate is the wolf's first love, and the man's last - both sides have to fall in love, as one (which I think is much more poetic, no?). Which is why you have examples of Lycaon falling in love with Esther, while his wolf didn't - she wasn't his mate. I've also decided I'm going to take out the beta/omega werewolf dynamics in the edit I'm doing at the minute - originally I tried combining the fantasy werewolf pack dynamics (alpha, beta, omega) with real life wolf dynamics (wolf packs are actually families, an alpha pair being the parents of the other wolves). This is because the found family trope has me at the throat and the idea of werewolf packs being more like families? It's just such a romantic idea and I love it. So I'm changing that.

I'm always changing the lore, really. Always adding new things in. Currently, I'm rewriting the little wolf and adding some new scenes in, expanding on an idea I've had for a while and implimented elsewhere - that lycanthropy isn't a curse. It's like a....defence mechanism. It's not triggered because you killed someone - that's just a coincidence that can happen, vampire propaganda (cough, cough - Milkael's propaganda) that has spiralled out of proportion. Werewolves believe it too, because most packs and bloodlines have been decimated so catastrophically, many traditions and inherent knowledge has been lost. It's more like a trauma response? So if someone with the werewolf gene goes through something that ignites the fight or flight instinct, the wolf wakes and choosing fight. Because of course - this is werewolves we're talking about. It's more born of the idea that werewolves evolved (which I think is 100% more badass, like imagine prehistoric dire wolf werewolves people COME ON) rather than were a result of spell from some witch forgotten long ago.

But back centuries ago, before Mikael's blood feud, before the purge of werewolves, werewolf packs had this ritual? A rite of passage almost, a coming of age, that does the same thing - wakes the wolf. It's just been lost through the generations of death, destruction and fear. Or that's my headcanon of it, and you'll get a glimpse of the ritual in the little wolf, something that's happening in the background of a scene to expand on the lore.

There's so MUCH more to say about the werewolf lore. Maybe I'll reblog this and share more at a later time but this is long as it is. The werewolf lore is definitely a lot. Ah, the sacrifices I make for world building.

#klaroline #klaus x caroline #fanfiction #klaroline fanfiction #the big bad wolf #tbbw #morningstar writes #caroline forbes #klaus mikaelson #anon ask #ask me for a directors cut and i will provide #i ranted a little there anon I apologise #the world of tbbw is just a LOT lets just leave it at that

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glacierbash · 1 year

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Okay, I'm going to try and write this out because I can't stop thinking about this. Spoiler warnings for Act 3 Dark Urge content, Post Orin fight, as well as a general warning for every companion character. Not all will be listed, but take this as a big, general warning: this is a very spoiler heavy post. If you have not defeated Orin as a Dark Urge, or are worried about a companion's story being spoiled, I suggest looking away.

TL;DR: Dark Urge puts you in the place of a companion character, but not merely in the fact that it's an Origin, and in doing it creates one of the most unique and interesting experiences I have ever played in a game.

So what do I mean by that? Essentially, due to the fact that the Dark Urge (which shall henceforce be referred to as the Durge, mainly to make my life easier) is an Origin character, the story was written with them in mind, including a lot of story beats. As the rest of the cast, the Durge has a story revolving around freedom and escaping chains placed upon them. Much like Astarion seeks freedom from his master, and Shadowheart learns to find purpose without Shar, the Durge is plagued by a piece of themselves that they seek freedom from.

Much like the other Origin characters, as well, the Durge can embrace these aspects--Just like how Astarion can ascend through Cazador's ritual, or how Shadowheart can become a Dark Justiciar. The way that Larian has done this feels so spectacular that I simply had to call attention to it. The game places a big aspect on companions acting in a logical and expected way, with their own wishes and goals. Lower approval on characters means they will act however they wish, whereas higher approval characters may follow your nudging a bit more. Ultimately storyline changing decisions may be altered based on the approval of your character--for example, using one that everybody will have witnessed by act 3, the Nightsong and Shadowheart. With Shadowheart in your party, the decision appears to be "Convince Shadowheart to stand down," "Force Shadowheart to stand down," or "kill the Nightsong." But there's also the option to simply... Stand back. Allow Shadowheart to act how she sees fit.

And with a high enough approval, you need not convince her--she can spare Aylin of her own accord, all through your hidden nudging behind the scenes. Similarly, Lae'zel can forsake Vlaakith of her own free will, and Wyll can choose to wander the lands as the Blade of Avernus. These are decisions you can ultimately step back and allow companions to take, and how you change them. Now, circling back to what I said earlier: The Durge lets you be a companion.

Thinking about what I stated prior, the Durge is influenced by people around you. With your overarching story of freedom and fighting the urge that comes with being a Bhaalspawn, you are just like the other companions: You seek freedom from the Tadpole, and also from something else. And the companions have thoughts. People like Shadowheart and Lae'zel believe in you shirking your heritage and standing stronger, while others such as Minthara (who I had as a companion during my Dark Urge playthrough) encourage you to embrace your heritage. The companions have unique opinions, and ultimately they sway you.

When the choice comes to either embrace Bhaal or reject him, become his Chosen or stand on your own path, you are standing at the same decision all your other companions have stood at or will stand at. When Astarion is deciding whether or not to ascend via Cazador's ritual, where Shadowheart is deciding where to forsake Shar or become a Dark Justiciar, where Lae'zel is deciding whether she curses Vlaakith or stands at her side, they are all standing in the same position that you are standing at. You influenced them, and now they have influenced you.

Do you believe you can walk your own path, or do you covet the power that Bhaal offers you? The words of your companions may very well shape you--I know they did for me. I know that hearing them speak about how brave I was when I turned my back to Bhaal made me feel I made the right decision for my character, and that's when I realized, "Ah, this is what I do to all of them."

Now, this may just be a me thing, and I can totally stand by that! But all in all, the Durge feels like one of those experiences that truly elevates the game, by making you stand on the same footing as your companions. You are all motivated by a desire for freedom, both from the tadpole and from something else entirely, and now it's not in mere headcanons and roleplay moments. Now, your freedom is integral to the game and the narrative itself. You are one of them. While they fight for their personal freedom and turn to you for advice and aid, you do the same to them--You look to them for guidance and wisdom, and they give it to you, and in the end the choice is yours.

Brilliant.

#bg3 spoilers #i am so so so tired writing this but I HAD to get it out. i hope it makes sense.#i am very very passionate about this lol #been thinking about it for the past 2 days. maybe i am totally making stuff up but. i feel this.#i dunno! i wanna say it though

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coffeedrgn87 · 11 months

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Hai. I just wanted to say that LPK has ruined me for almost every other BDSM story. Now when I read any, I'm like "Where's the enthusiastic consent? Where are the loving and frequent check-ins with your sub? Where is the scene where you discuss whether this is something both of you want?" And I'm including original stories in the list too. There are very few stories that can satisfy me now. Even when the sex scenes are hot, the lack of a connection between the Dom and sub puts me off. There's a Sterek BDSM fic that kind of lives up to LPK, but that's the only one I've found. You have completely ruined me. I hope you're happy, you ridiculously talented author.

Hi! 💜

Funny you should say this, because this is, in part, how LPK came to life. I wanted kinky reading that really emphasised consent, communication, and negotiation.

And sure, there are some relatively good works out there (now at least) but they generally feature a) a hetero relationship and b) some rich dude who happens to be a Dominant and a submissive gal who wants to try out kink or is in the community (to some degree) but falls head over heels in love with the Dominant which changes the whole dynamic and leads to much unnecessary drama (my personal opinion, also mainly reference original works here…fan works very often do have queer representation).

While there’s nothing wrong with that trope, it doesn’t represent me in any way. I want queerness with my kink, I want munches and shibari and tough conversations, and trust. I want things to reflect reality with a scene going well and emotions changing the dynamic midway.

There are many reasons why LPK is so dear to me, and you mentioned some, the enthusiastic consent, the conversations, but also life getting in the way and finding ways around that, growing together, etc.

I grew a lot with the writing of the story which I absolutely expected I would (or at least hoped for). Never in a million years did I think so many people would read it, comment on it, favourite it, etc. I’m not in any community where people might talk about different works so I don’t see it happening…which is why I, for the most part, still have imposter syndrome about it all, but I think that can be said for all my other writing too, not that any of it comes close to where LPK went.

I have this recurring dream of wanting to turn it into an original work, but I’m daunted by my own word count thus far and the amount of rework required so I keep thinking that the perfect idea will eventually come along.

I honestly cannot thank you enough for you very enthusiastic support and your kind message. It means the world to me, and I know I say this to everybody who takes the time to tell me what LPK means to them, but it’s not some spiel, I truly mean it. The verse has done something special to me, even though I don’t want to believe it. I fear believing it may lead to me getting a big head about it all, even though I’m certain that I could never…ugh, look at this, not only do I digress but I’m also rambling.

I won’t lie, there’ve been many times I’ve wanted to take the verse down, and not just it but all my works, as I don’t especially feel connected to the fandom world, but then I remember that I primarily write for myself and anyone who would like to come along for the ride is more than welcome. As for the rest, I try my best not to care and if I do, I run to yell at my therapist.

Okay, this response is getting out of hand. And it’s also starting to sound a lot like a journal entry rather than a response to a very lovely and sweet ask. Let me close with this: I hope to have an update for book 3 soon. I’ve a lovely idea floating about my head…

#drarry #draco x harry #drarry fic #coffeedragon writes #lpk #lpk3 #little prince kneel #asks like this make me speechless #and yet a ramble like this #I don’t have the words to articulate how much kindness like this means to me #it makes my whole day

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valkyrie-8888 · 7 months

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the wilbur soot situation

im not a very big person on social media, nor do i post often, but i just want to get this out of my system. this post is just going to be a little rant and my take on the current situation. to anyone who is not yet caught up to the situation, i hope this can help a bit.

TW: discussions of abuse, domestic violence, death threats, etc

--------------------------------

when i first saw a video about wilbur soot's allegations, i thought it wasn't anything that bad. things like this happen to cc's all the time.

a while later, it kept popping up. i still thought it would go away eventually. i'm not proud of it in hindsight, but i cant change the past.

recently, i realized this situation was serious, and decided to catch up and investigate. what i was not prepared for was having my view of the world absolutely shattered. this will not go away. it will not be silenced by fanatics who believe their favourite cc can do no wrong. this is extremely serious.

a bit of backstory, so that my reasoning can clearly be understood:

i started getting into dsmp in around the start of 2021. i was immediately drawn to the dynamics of sbi as a group and started watching mainly their pov-s of things. the three quickly became a part of my daily life. i have been watching them ever since. went through some really bad times, especially after technoblade's death. after that, i started watching wilbur and phil more.

wilbur soot, i highly doubt you will read this, but if you do, i want you to know that I am disgusted by you, your behaviour, your response to said behaviour coming to light, and your sheer cowardice. you are a disgusting human being. there is no justification for your actions. no apology can undo what you have done. and from what i have heard and seen, shubble might not be the only victim.

as of my writing this, wilbur soot has not given any more responses besides the emotionless and frankly disgusting apology published on twitter/x

an overview of everything, my take on this situation, and just a little vent:

wilbur soot is an abuser and a manipulator. he ignored consent and a set safe word. as someone who heavily believes that consent and respecting it is common sense, i am disgusted, to say the least. i recommend reading more on the situation and watching an unbiased and neutral video

i looked for any possible justification, any way this could be misunderstood or redeemed. i have found none.

this man was my idol. i looked up to him, respected him, and admired him deeply. he was my comfort streamer and one of my favourite musical artists.

because of this, i will find it extremely difficult to cut him out of my life completely. however, i do not support him or condone his behaviour in any way. i don't think i will be able to completely sever all bonds to him. that's what abusers do, isn't it? they worm themselves into your life, make themselves irreplaceable, and, once their toxicity is discovered, they guilt trip you into staying, or make you think it's your fault or just paranoia.

the people who try to justify his behaviour, belittle or blame the victims of his abuse, or frankly any abuse, are absolutely disgusting. karma is a bitch, and i hope it hits them hard.

wilbur soot, it seems, has blown up his own career just like he did to l'manburg. i hope to never hear about him again, except to see him be brought to justice. domestic abuse is a felony.

my message for shubble:

you are incredibly brave. to speak up at all about anything like this takes a lot of courage. i despise the fact that the obsessive fans are threatening and blaming you. it is disgusting. but i am happy to see that you are still standing strong. your story has inspired others to come forward and take this man down once and for all.

EDIT: Insight a few days later

there have been more people telling their stories. the 'allegations' can no longer be referred to as such. i now add 'rapist' to the many words one uses to talk about this horrendous man.

i personally feel a bit gaslit myself. this person so many praised and referred to as this perfect man turned out to be an absolute incel.

one thing i noticed after looking through old clips is that there were in fact signs that seem obvious now. niki also mentioned the biting a few years ago. however, we all laughed it off as a bit. because we thought it was. because we were lead to believe it was. in one clip, wilbur tells niki to 'tell them how horrible i am to you,' and proceeds to start fucking hoovering. and everyone laughs it off. because that's his thing.

there are also signs in some of the songs in both ycgma and those released separately. especially your new boyfriend, soft boy, and the nice guy ballad. the last one is the most chilling. there are also some lyrics in ycgma, like 'abuse those i love/while i ostracize the ones who love me back'.

to end my little rant/essay, if wilbur soot is a manipulator, what is to stop him from (consciously or subconsciously) applying these behaviours to his online presence?

i genuinely hope he can get help and improve as a person, but that does not excuse his past behaviour. neither does his bad mental state during said behaviours.

#wilbur soot #wilbur mcyt #wilbur situation #support victims #shelby support #shubble support #shubble suport squad #shubblesupportsquad

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archduchessofnowhere · 1 year

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The Accidental Empress Reading Blog I: Evil Gackl and the regency of Archduchess Sophie

I knew what I was getting into when I started The Accidental Empress, I really did. This historical fiction romance novel by Allison Pataki about Empress Elisabeth of Austria doesn't have particularly flying reviews in Goodreads, mainly to the historical inaccuracies and mischaracterizations. But I wanted to judge it by myself, specially since this is a very popular novel.

But I'm only one chapter in and this is my only reaction:

I have so many things to say about this chapter alone that I'm going to do a break down of it. I'm not planning to do this with every chapter (it will take me forever to finish it if I do), so enjoy this over analyzing reading blog, it won't happen again!

We start the chapter with Elisabeth and Helene outdoors, hiding from someone. We soon learn that that someone is their 13-years-old brother Karl Theodor "Gackl". Who is a bully that constantly torments them and insults them. I wish I was making this up.

...

In reality, Karl Theodor was Elisabeth's favorite brother and they remained close all their lives; he even named one of his daughters after her. Karl Theodor must have been a very charming and likeable man, since everyone that knew him held him in high esteem. Needless to say, he was nothing like how Pataki chose to portray him.

Because changing Gackl's personality was a deliberate choice by the author, in her own words: "I needed a mechanism for some early character development for the spirited, plucky young Sisi, and so Karl became an early opponent of sorts". I'm not that advanced into the book to decide if this benefited Elisabeth's character arc; but Gackl just bullying his elder sisters with no consequence seems kinda... dumb?

Continuing with the chapter, after this (they escape from Gackl by throwing rocks at him or something? I don't remember) the family gathers to dinner. Here we are told a little more of the family, and we find out that Elisabeth's eldest brother Ludwig Wilhelm "Louis" just... doesn't exist in this book? Karl Theodor is referred as the eldest son and heir more than once?? Weird choice, specially since the second book (yes this has a sequel) covers the Mayerling affair, in which Louis' daughter Countess Marie Larisch played a key role.

During dinner comes the unavoidable moment in which Ludovika announces that her sister Sophie asked for Helene's hand in marriage for her son, the young Emperor Franz Josef. This never happened, but (with great sorrow) I'll let it slide for the sake of the narrative.

Up until that point this novel had been your average, overly done, "Sisi lives free of worries in humble Possenhofen until her sister is told she's going to marry the emperor". I had nothing positive to say about it, but also nothing negative. It is a curse of contemporary Sisi adaptations that a relative she had a good relationship with is turned into a sort of antagonist (think Helene in RTL's Sisi and Ludovika in Netflix's The Empress), so even Gackl's villain arc didn't upset me that much.

You know what did upset me? This:

WHAT??? Franz Josef had been emperor since 1848. There was no regency, Sophie didn't had to rule anything. He was only eighteen, but he was of age and took charge of his reign from the very beginning. The implication that only since 1853 he had power is insane.

I already fear that Pataki went down the path of "Franz didn't do anything wrong, ever! It was his evil mother who ordered all those executions!" In fact, a couple of lines later Elisabeth recalls Franz Josef as "schrink[ing] whenever his mother had spoken" when she met him in 1848, a few months before the abdication of emperor Ferdinand. Which is also total crap.

And if I had any hope left for nuanced portrayal of Sophie, I completely lost it when Elisabeth recalls her meeting with her aunt:

Wow I can't wait to see the rest of her characterization! *sarcasm*

So far the writing itself had been okay-ish, even if I already had problems with the characterization and historical accuracy. But from this point onward we are delivered incredibly awkward expository dialogues, which completely took me out of the novel because it was obvious that the characters weren't talking to each other, but explaining to the reader the historical context. Like this just isn't a natural sounding dialogue at all:

"Your father is referring to the fact"???? I understand this novel is aimed at a general audience, but having the characters literally explaining the history (specially since this is recent history for them! it happened less than five years ago!!) feels extremely forced to me. Duke Max's dialogue alone worked fine, a voice in off could've explained the rest.

The chapter wraps up after this with Ludovika informing that Elisabeth will also accompany Helene to meet her betrothed (say it with me: Helene and Franz Josef were never engaged!), then the girls have an emotional talk in their bedroom and the chapter is over. I'll give Pataki one point for originality because she didn't follow the typical path of Helene being groomed to become empress for years and even had her oppose to the idea of marrying Franz Josef, but that's it.

And to finish this ridiculously long reading blog, I left under the cut all the inaccuracies that, while don't actually affect the plot so in theory can be forgiven, annoyed me anyway!

The Aunt Myth strikes! I don't blame Pataki for this mistake, since she probably took it from Hamann's biography. I made a whole post about how this is incorrect, but in short: while it's true that the Ducal household was in mourning, it wasn't for an aunt, but for Duke Georg of Saxe-Altenburg, Queen Therese of Bavaria's brother (so he wasn't even related to Elisabeth).

Actually Ludovika herself was extremely introverted, and according to her granddaughter Amalie of Urach, every interaction with people outside her inner circle was a torment for the Duchess. Public events and social gatherings caused Ludovika a lot of anxiety and she tried to avoid them at all cost, often excusing herself alleging being ill. All her children were said to also be very timid, most famously Elisabeth, who apparently spoke so lowly that sometimes it was hard to understand what she was saying.

It wasn't unusual for royals to marry people they had never met in their life (that ended up being the case of Sisi's sister Marie), but Ludovika and Max knew each other since they were children. King Maximilian of Bavaria, Ludovika's father and Duke Max's great-uncle, was fond of his nephew and wanted him to be close to his daughters, partly because Duke Max was quite lonely as a child, and partly so he wouldn't be a stranger to his future wife. A nice gesture, but that didn't prevent the couple of being utterly miserable together once they married at 20-years-old.

I am once again asking writers to understand that this was just not a possibility. Netflix's The Empress also has a moment of "You will stay with me as a lady-in-waiting!!", ignoring that being a lady-in-waiting was technically a job that belonged to the women from the highest ranking noble families in the empire. Noble, not royal. Elisabeth was the granddaughter of a king, being a lady-in-waiting was beneath her status. Also, why is this presented as a good thing anyway? Sisi serving her own sister would've been humiliating for her.

This is a silly mistake to point out since it can even be justified within the text as Sisi not knowing the proper titles for being so young; but this is the me being annoying section so I'll point it out anyway: there was only one Crown Prince, the rest of Helene's hypothetical children would've been Archdukes or Archduchesses (the Crown Prince was also an Archduke, but it was more usual to call him by the former title). And the Crown Princess was the Crown Prince's wife, the Habsburgs never had a Crown Princess in her own right.

High class girls going into marriage completely ignorant about sex is an strangely common trope in historical fiction, and while this was true for some (this was the case of Stephanie of Belgium, at least according to her memoirs), most of them knew exactly what was supposed to happen. After all, producing an heir was their more important task, so why would they not be told how they were meant to achieve that?

Ludovika was well aware of that, and she did not keep her girls in the dark about sex. She always talked very openly about it, and was proud of having educated her daughters about what happened on the wedding night. So no, she didn't "only ever implied things"

To be fair with Pataki, she wouldn't have found this information regarding Ludovika in Elisabeth's biographies in English. All of this information I found in Martina Winkelhofer's biography, only published in 2021 and still untranslated in English. I think the biggest problem with this book in regards with historical accuracy is going to be that Pataki relied solely on outdated English sources that perpetuate myths that have been challenged in German works for the past decades.

#btw i had this in my drafts for a week and now i'm like 30% in. spoiler: it doesn't get better #next update will cover the end of part 1!#the accidental empress reading blog #the accidental empress #author: allison pataki

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