#I'm losing my mind after ep 3

[parisofpeoplez]

SHE IS MY WIFE

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 5

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep6 | Ep7)

Airenyah is back, bringing you even more rambles about Style Sattawat Chayakorn than ever before. This meta series might just end up becoming my magnum opus.

Alright, here we go. So, in episode 3 we saw Style starting to develop positive feelings for Fadel. He tries to bond with Fadel, tries to engage him in amiable conversations, and also starts to get suspicious of as well as curious about Fadel and his life and develops an interest in learning more about this man and all he's made up of, an interest that is entirely separately from Kant's mission and the deal with the car.

In episode 4 this trend continues and we follow Style as these positive feelings slowly develop into actual, genuine romantic feelings. Style goes from simply just liking Fadel to like liking Fadel.

Now in episode 5 we get to watch Style slowly, yet rapidly fall in love with Fadel as he grapples with the fact that the man he's falling in love with regularly kills people.

And ohhhh boy, what a ride it is. I've written over 12k words for this meta and yet I still feel like there are so many aspects that I still didn't manage to get into or that I only barely scratched the surface of. Not to mention that there are some scenes (especially the first sauna scene) where I feel like every time I watch it, every time I replay the scene I'm getting something else out of it. I swear, the amount of times I've written and rewritten whole sections... No, truly, at this point I feel like I hate more or less everything that I wrote. I apologize in advance for the mess you are about to read. And let me tell you, no matter how detailed you think this meta is? It in no way reflects all my thoughts and feelings that I have about this episode and about my boy Style Sattawat.

Either way, enjoy!

Pronoun Situation: Just assume Fadel and Style use the rude guu/mueng pronouns with each other unless I explicitly state otherwise.

To recap: Style has started to develop genuine feelings for Fadel and is over the moon that Fadel actually agreed to be his boyfriend. His joy is soon punched out of him as he learns of Fadel's real profession. Style unexpectedly meets Fadel at the gym and runs off in a panic, unable to deal with the situation and absolutely terrified.

No. 1: Sauna The Sequel

Let me just say straight away that I'm gonna be looking at this scene running on the assumption that this is happening on the same day as when Style ran away from Fadel at the work-out bench last episode, because Fadel says: "You seem strange today." If the scene from last episode had happened on a different day, I think he would have said "recently" or "these days" or something along those lines instead. Anyway, let's start.

They're at the gym and apparently they both like going to the sauna after a good work-out, because just like in episode 2 they have their next run-in in the sauna after parting at the weightlifting bench. This time it's Style, though, who arrives at the sauna first and he sits there, still in distress, but already a lot calmer than he was at the work-out bench.

When I first watched this scene I was thinking to myself how fun it was to watch Style be very scared of Fadel after we got multiple explicit references of Style decidedly not being scared of Fadel. Now on second look, though, I don't think he's actually as scared as I had first thought. In their last scene together, the scene by the work-out bench, yeah, Style was absolutely terrified and fighting for his life. But instead of a ruthless killer, Style experienced kindness and care, experienced Fadel being a sweet boyfriend. Unable to reconcile these two conflicting perspectives on Fadel, Style made an escape. Now he's sitting in the sauna contemplating everything, trying to figure out how to deal with and/or get out of this mess. Fadel enters the sauna and while Style still looks a little surprised and startled, it doesn't put him into a panic again. As has been pointed out by @secriden and I have also already discussed in my ep4 meta, in episode 4 Style went to the gym during day time, likely in order to avoid Fadel who explicitly mentioned in episode 2 that he prefers to go to the gym at night. But then Fadel shows up anyway and Style, who hadn't been expecting that and as a result hadn't been mentally prepared for a run-in with Fadel, panics completely. Now, however, sitting in the sauna he is well aware that Fadel is around. This might also be a reason as to why Style's heart isn't stopping the way it did back at the work-out bench.

Fadel sits down next to Style and Style moves away, putting more distance between them. What's funny, though, is that despite Style's apparent discomfort at touching Fadel or being anywhere close to him, he still keeps his hand near Fadel, touching him anyway.

[pls scroll back up to the title pic if you wanna see it, i've reached image limit 😭😭😭]

Now we could call that unclean acting, because if Style really is that uncomfortable with the thought of being close to or touching Fadel aka a Known Killer, then he should be making sure to keep each and every single body part away from Fadel, including his hands. Meaning, he should really be yanking that hand away from Fadel. Or what we could do instead, what's even more fun actually, is that we could interpret this as Style not actually being that uncomfortable with the thought of touching Fadel despite his rational mind telling him he should be. His rational mind might be telling him that he should keep his distance from Fadel if he wants to stay alive, but his hand betrays him, exposes his true desire of wanting Fadel anyway. Style is conflicted, but he is not disgusted by Fadel and now after Fadel has been nothing but a sweet boyfriend to him and Style has calmed down a bit from his earlier panic, he also no longer feels as threatened by Fadel's presence and his touch.

Style is still extremely nervous, though, because the knowledge of Fadel killing people is still at the forefront of his mind, but Fadel's presence and Fadel himself don't terrify him as much anymore. This emotional change also shows in his voice: Earlier at the work-out bench he was hesitating to answer every time Fadel said something to him only to hurriedly blurt out his replies a moment later. Now in the sauna, while Style still hesitates and blurts out his answers, they're not as rushed anymore and he's also more talkative again, engages in the conversation more than he did earlier. What's more, at the work-out bench Style barely dared to look at Fadel and when he did look at him, he only threw quick glances at him before turning his eyes away again. In the sauna Style starts out avoiding eye contact with Fadel at first, but as soon as Fadel opens the conversation, Style can (mostly) look him in the eye again.

Fadel calls out Style's uncharacteristic behavior and Style quickly comes up with excuses. Unlike back at the work-out bench, where his voice was full of panic and terror, he now sounds more appeasing, in an attempt to calm Fadel's worries and suspicions. There is a lot of awkwardness when Style claims "I’m fine. I’m just not used to this", there's even a sort of urgency to it like please believe me, please believe me, please stop asking. Fadel stares at him skeptically, so Style elaborates: "It’s usually me running after you, but now you’re with me."

By the way, since I know so many people are liking the Thai language tidbits, this line here:

It’s usually me running after you, but now you’re with me.

More literally is:

Usually I'm after you, but now you're after me. ปกติกูก็ตามมึงแล้วมึงตามกูบ้างแล้วอ่ะ [bpòk-gà-dtì - guu - gôr - dtaam - mueng - láew - mueng - dtaam - guu - bâang - láew - àh] usually - I - follow - you - and - you - follow - I/me - some - already - [particle]

Style actually manages to find his sincerity for this specific lie, but Fadel is already onto him and asks if Style has suddenly changed his mind after all. Style looks away awkwardly, but also lost in thought a little as he thinks about how this is exactly what happened after he found out the truth. It's not like he can just say this, though. Imagine that. Sorry, I don't want you as my boyfriend after all because I don't feel comfortable dating someone who could potentially murder me. And as I mentioned in my ep4 meta, I do think Style is lowkey terrified that Fadel will kill him if Style breaks up with him right after Fadel finally started opening up to him which he knows was a big step for Fadel. But then Fadel says "I don’t mind [breaking up], you know? I don’t like you that much. I’ll get over it." Style looks away, sighs and gets lost in thought. It's a messy situation to be in, even if Fadel won't immediately be killing him over a break-up after all.

When Style fails to answer Fadel stands up in order to leave. This brings life back to Style and he hurriedly holds Fadel back, asking him to wait with the most puppy eyes:

Yeah, I just had to spend one of the only 30 images per post on the puppy eyes, I mean just look at him!!

Anyway, Style looks at Fadel with puppy eyes, and there is so much uncertainty and hesitation and doubt in them. There is also fear, but to me it doesn't look like he's afraid of Fadel specifically, it looks more like he's anxious and worried about the whole situation in general. It looks like Style wants something, but hasn't quite figured out what exactly it is that he wants. He is feeling many emotions at once, has many conflicting feelings at once. When Fadel asks Style if he's sure, I'm struggling so hard to pinpoint/name the many different emotions that Style is feeling in that moment. All I can think of looking at Style's face is: help.

The boy is overwhelmed. He wants to be far away from Fadel, but he also doesn't want him to leave, wants to dump him, but he can't and also kind of maybe deep down perhaps doesn't even really want to, has something on his mind that desperately wants out, but that he must keep inside under any circumstance.

Fadel asks Style if he's intimidated by him and I just wish the English subs had kept the word "scared" just like the Thai lines kept the word กลัว [gluua], because it's such a nice callback to episode 4 where Style enters the greenhouse, yelling "You think I'm scared of you?" (or "But I ain't scared of you!", as the English subs put it). Now Style is getting thrown that question right back at himself. Style has proven time and time again that he isn't scared of Fadel, but this time when he says "I'm not scared of you" it's a lie. Fadel skeptically raises an eyebrow at him. Style comes up with another excuse. "I just can’t believe my persistence actually worked." It definitely is an excuse, but I think that Style is telling the truth here, that he really is surprised that he managed to actually get Fadel to open up to him. I think he truly wasn't expecting it. Now there is also little bit of amusement as he finishes the sentence. As much as he does not want to be around a killer, it doesn't change the fact that he really did enjoy getting on Fadel's nerves. But that little smile fades very quickly as he looks at Fadel in anxious anticipation. And Fadel? Fadel goes with it and throws him a challenge. Style's persistence didn't work. They're on trial. Style still has to put more effort in. Style raises his eyebrows at Fadel like Bitch what did you just say to me????

Fadel did it. He's awakened Style's competitive side. Style completely forgets any qualms he initially had about getting close to Fadel and starts getting handsy with him. But Fadel interrupts Style's seduction and asks to go to Style's garage. However, Style hasn't forgotten about Fadel's secret job enough to happily welcome him home, so he declines. He's definitely horny now, though, and suggests staying in the sauna instead to do the deed and get it over with. As I said in my ep4 meta, Style only gets handsy with Fadel when he's genuinely trying to get into Fadel's pants or under his towel. This is why I think that despite Style's initial apprehensions surrounding Fadel and his secret job, Style absolutely would have hooked-up with Fadel right there and then if Fadel had let him. But Fadel doesn't, he insists on going to the garage instead. Fadel's secret job is fully back on Style's mind again. Style sits back again, sighing as he tenses up again a little. He's clearly not as uncomfortable and nervous around Fadel anymore as he was at the beginning of the scene, but he certainly doesn't feel great about letting a killer into his home. He throws Fadel a look, and I do think Style is a little scared again, but I feel like Style is less scared of Fadel himself and more scared about what might happen if he lets a hitman in, scared not just of what might happen to himself but scared of potentially also putting his dad in danger or giving away any information that could be useful to Fadel in the future in case Fadel does decide to murder him if Style gets too annoying or if Fadel finds out all the secrets Style's been keeping.

Now, guys, let me tell you I spent a whole day writing and thinking about this scene and honestly, I struggled sooo so much. Even as I've finished writing this part I'm still not happy at all with what I put down. There is just so much going on inside of Style and it turned out to be extremely difficult to name and to pinpoint every single emotion because I felt like any time I replayed a shot I was seeing a new aspect and there were so many times where I was feeling an emotion but I just couldn't find the right word to describe it no matter how much I clicked my way through different words and synonyms on Google. But maybe that's kind of the point. Style is feeling many different things, a lot of the emotions that are also contradicting each other, his rational mind is fighting against his heart and it's all so overwhelming in a way you can't really put into words.

No. 2: Date Night

They're on their little go-kart date and Style is having so much fun that he's completely forgotten to be uncomfortable around Fadel, laughing the brightest laughter as he zooms around the track with Fadel. Ever since Style found out that Fadel kills people professionally, Fadel has never once made him feel threatened and unsafe in his actions apart from what was in Style's head at the time. Fadel isn't a ruthless murderer, not to him, not towards Style, and it has Style relax again, has him laugh without any apprehensions. Style is finally able to let go of his worries again and to simply just enjoy the time with his new boyfriend.

A little language note here, this:

It’s just a fluke.

More literally is:

You beat me just this one time. ชนะกูแค่ครั้งเดียวเนี่ย [chá-ná - guu - kaê - kráng - diiao - nîia] beat, defeat - I/me - just, only - time - only, sole - [particle]

Style has let down his defenses so much that he immediately engages in a personal conversation when Fadel starts asking questions and shares without any hesitations. Both we, the audience, as well as Fadel learn that Style lost his mother. This makes me especially happy, because I wrote this in my ep3 meta about the conversation when Fadel drags Style into the storage room:

I do think there's some truth to it when Style says "I have my own problems. You’re not the only one" but whatever problems in life Style currently has (especially if there's anything connected to loss and grief), these problem's really aren't at the forefront of his mind right now.

I had a feeling these lines would come back and that they might be connected to loss, since that's the theme of the support group and at the time of writing I even contemplated the fact there might even be something in Style's past. I almost added a little sentence or two about how if Style also lost someone it has probably been long enough since then that now he's able to be unserious at a group meeting for grief without thinking about it even for a second.

Style brags about winning a competition and Fadel says he knows. The pleased smile is wiped off of Style's face as he suddenly remembers Fadel's real job. Style is starting to feel a little threatened again, a little scared. When he asks "How'd you know that?" it's almost an attack. Fadel shouldn't know this. Why does he know this? Did he do some snooping around? Why would Fadel need to snoop around? Is Style the next target? Does Fadel have a reason to kill him? But Fadel explains he saw it online. Yeah, okay. That makes sense in this day and age. Style lets it go but is still on guard. He doesn't quite trust Fadel.

Fadel continues asking questions. "You said you liked me from the moment you saw me. What did you like about me?" But the thing is, that was a lie. Style did not, in fact, like Fadel from the first time they met. He needs to come up with a believable reason. "I liked the feeling of chasing after you." I do think he genuinely did have fun chasing Fadel, bugging him, which is why he manages to say it with enough sincerity for Fadel to believe it. Style can't fool me, though, because while his words aren't exactly performative like other times when he's being insincere (as discussed in my ep4 meta), his demeanor is still a bit too "loud" for me to fully believe it. Just that one sentence, though, because I absolutely do believe him when he says he likes to win. We literally just saw his behavior when he won their race. Or back in the sauna when he immediately tried to seduce Fadel after Fadel reminded him that they were on trial. Besides, Style likes attention and I'm sure coming out first place in a competition gives him plenty of attention. And as he says, it gives him adrenaline so he's also just having plain fun with it. Fadel is amused and asks "So you only hit on me for the thrill of it?" Style feels called out, because he did hit on Fadel for ulterior motives. Style can't exactly admit that, though, so he quickly deflects: "It's not like that. I like how you look, too." Style then lists more reasons why he's interested in Fadel and I think that what he says next is 100% true: "I like that you’re so different from me. It’s an opportunity to learn, and it’s an experience, you know?" I think this is something he started appreciating about Fadel at the latest over the course of episode 3 where he started to get more interested about Fadel and his lore.

One thing I want to point out: There is less space between them by the end of the scene than there was by the end of the scene. They got closer throughout the scene, not just in the literal sense as in closer with their bodies but also figuratively they got closer in their relationship. It's as Style said: they can get to know each other when they are boyfriends. And getting to know each other is exactly what they're doing here, and they will get to know each other even more as the episode progresses.

Style might be a competitive guy, but the thing is, so is Fadel. Which we, of course, are already well aware of. After all, we did just watch these two have stand-offs with neither of them willing to back down for 4 episodes straight gay. But Fadel lets him know anyway: "The game isn’t over. A guy like me doesn’t know how to accept defeat." It's a threat, but not a dangerous one, no, it's more of a flirty challenge. At the same time, Fadel is being 100% serious when he warns that he won't accept defeat. It's like he's saying No matter how hard you try to fully win me over, I'll never open up to you completely. They'll come back to this topic again later in the episode, when Fadel tells Style he's at 80%.

Fadel drives off and Style watches him pensively. I think by now he's really lost his (immediate) fear about Fadel working as a hitman. I find his expression in this shot here especially interesting:

He look sad more than anything. He was already starting to like Fadel in the previous episode (here are the receipts), but now that he's starting to spend more time with Fadel where Fadel is not just constantly pushing him away and putting him down but is actively engaging with him and they're having serious conversations, now Style is really starting to like him. But unfortunately the situation had to get super messed up and there doesn't seem a way to get out of it that doesn't end in hurt or pain. And unfortunately, he can't exactly talk about his problems with his new boyfriend either. But the show must go on. Life must go on. Because life never stops. So Style gets on his feet, hypes himself up a little, and gets into his go-kart to follow Fadel.

No. 3: Choices Were Made

Where earlier in the sauna Style tensed up at the thought of taking Fadel to his place, after their happy little go-kart date all those fears and worries that Style had had initially went right out of the window. Fadel has been nothing but nice and sweet to him and Style has by now realized he's got nothing to be afraid of. Fadel is not a danger to him specifically (yet?).

Fadel starts asking more questions and we, together with Fadel learn more about Style's relationship with his dad. We also learn that Style likes to choose his own partners himself. This is in line with what I said in my ep3 meta:

For Style, sex isn't just sex and I think as impulsive as he can be he still makes very deliberate decisions about who he actually sleeps with.

Now I'm thinking this extends to who he actually dates, too. Style wants to make the choice of who he is with himself. Which is kinda ironic, considering he himself didn't actually choose Fadel. Unless you count Style's choice to agree to Kant's deal. But Fadel has no idea about any of this. So he walks up to Style, hugs him and asks "And you chose me?" Ah, well, no. Not exactly. Style doesn't answer Fadel's question but instead goes "You wanna do it here?"

Honestly, even though Style's question was probably a convenient way of getting out of having to answer Fadel's question, I think Style's had this question on his mind from the second he felt Fadel's arms around him. After all Fadel did suggest going to the garage instead when Style tried to seduce him in the sauna and I'm sure Style had a flashback to that when Fadel went and hugged him.

Pronoun side note: Fadel changes from the rude guu pronoun to the polite phom pronoun in their little role play when he says "My car broke down." They don't use any pronouns for the rest of their exchange.

Now this is the first time they're having sex as official boyfriends and while in a way the scene is similar to the scene in the storage room, it's also very different. Just like in the storage room, Fadel is the one to initiate the kissing and Fadel is the one taking off Style's shirt (or at least one layer of it, that we see). While the tempo in the storage room was fast and rushed, Fadel now takes his time and everything he does is much more deliberate. Fadel is now actively enjoying what he is doing, lets himself enjoy it. And just like in the storage room, Style lets Fadel control the situation while he waits to see where this is going (it leads to role play, apparently). And yet, Style isn't passive the way he was in the storage room, no, this time they are on a much more equal level. This time it's much more of a mutual conversation. We see this in their little role play where Style actively engages (a dialogue requires two people or else it'd be a monologue) and the way Style also initiates a kiss instead of letting Fadel do all the work himself. Style is no longer a passive part in this. He actively teases Fadel from the start by not properly kissing him back right away and also actively seeks out Fadel's vicinity and physical touch. We see it in the way he actively nuzzle's into Fadel's shoulder:

They are both enjoying this, and they are also actively letting themselves enjoy it. Together.

The lighting is also starting to change: in the storage room, everything was blue and cold. In the greenhouse, there is less light in the scene in general, and while the light that is there is still blue, the darkness gives off a feeling of protection. They can confess to their mutual budding feelings in the safety of the shadows, hidden away where no one can see them. Now in the garage, there is still so much blue going on in addition to bright white lights from inside the shelves. They are still surrounded by the cold, but they themselves are bathed in yellow and red light.

They are slowly making progress, slowly coming out of the cold, distant lighting, slowly stepping into the warmth. However, they still have a way to go.

No. 4: Sharing Is Caring

Side note, since I was just talking about the lighting: I can't help but notice how the cold white light that was inside the shelves earlier is now much less prominent right next to Fadel. Instead we get yellow and red car parts. Fadel is sitting right by the warmth (the warmth that Style was giving him in this scene, perhaps?).

Where in the go-kart date scene Fadel was the one asking all the personal questions, here in the garage it's now Style's turn. And Style finally asks about the scar and I'm glad we're starting to talk about it because I've been dying to know. Fadel says it was an accident and Style wants to know the details. Fadel says it's an occupational hazard, which, gee thanks I could have guessed as much. And I'm sure so could Style. Fadel in addition also asks why Style would want to know that and Style says "I want to know more about you." Style was already starting to care last episode, but back then what he cared about was mostly Fadel's actions and how they affected him himself and his feelings. We could even go as far back as episode 3 and say that Style was starting to get curious about Fadel and his story all the way back then, even. This time it's different, though. This time it's not that he wants to know just to satisfy his curiosity about this strange, closed-off man or because he doesn't like "being kept in the dark". This time it's not that he cares because of how Fadel and his words/actions directly affect Style himself. No, this time he genuinely wants to get to know Fadel better. He cares because he is starting to worry about him. This time it's not all about Style himself, but this time it's all about Fadel instead.

Style is starting to care, is starting to care so much about Fadel himself now. But unlike Style, Fadel doesn't voluntarily give up information about himself, which Style notes and then asks more questions: "Why do you go [to the Rise Up group]?" Fadel doesn't say a word and Style doesn't pressure him any further. He stays quiet, watches Fadel, and patiently waits for him to come to a decision. A full 10 seconds later Fadel does share: "I lost my parents." Style stares at him in shock. He hadn't been expecting that. But this is something he can relate to, even if he lost just one parent and not both of them. Style offers Fadel a metaphorical shoulder to cry on, creates a safe space for Fadel in which he invites him to share more details. Once again Style doesn't pressure Fadel, he just looks at Fadel encouragingly but leaves the choice to share entirely up to him. This time it takes Fadel 13 seconds to respond, but respond he does: "My parents were murdered."

Fun fact, Style is actually fully aware that Fadel's parents were murdered by gunshot specifically because Fadel explicitly tells him:

พ่อแม่กูโดนยิงตายเนี่ย [pôr-mâe - guu - dohn ying dtaai - niîa] parents - I/my - be shot to death - [particle]

When Style hears this he realizes two things:

Fadel has fucked up trauma.

This is a conversation he probably shouldn't have started, a topic he probably shouldn't have brought up.

The conversation took an unexpected dark turn and Style doesn't want to pressure Fadel any further, so he is quick to change the topic to something more bright. "You had any lovers before?" Love can't be too heavy of a topic, right? Right?? But we saw the flashbacks of Fadel dancing with someone in episode 3. And we heard Keen make a reference to someone important in Fadel's life who suddenly disappeared. Speaking of...

Remember how in my ep3 meta I was wondering if Style had heard that specific comment since we weren't shown the exact point of Style walking in on them? I guess now have confirmation that Style did not in fact hear that comment. Unless of course Style asked that specific question to subtly try and find out more backstory on that too (Oh god, Style, how I am begging you keep asking! I too need to know!!). Although, the way he was rushing to change the topic to something happier didn't seem like he was thinking too hard about his question. But then again, he did also tilt his head a little when Fadel said no, he doesn't have an ex, and I can't tell if Style tilts his head because he really has no idea and simply just doesn't believe that a guy like Fadel has never dated anyone or if he tilts his head because he knows Fadel is lying. Aghhh, gdi, I'm still none the wiser.

Anyway, so Fadel says no (bro. my dude. who was that man in the flashback, then 🤨) and explains "My life isn’t exactly easy. I don’t want to drag anyone along with me."

Actually, for the second sentence he really says:

And besides, I also don't want to cause trouble to anyone. แล้วอีกอย่างกูไม่อยากทำให้ใครเดือดร้อนด้วย [láew - ìig yàang - guu - mâi - yâak - tam hâi - krai - dèuuat rón - dûuay] and - one more thing - i - not - want - to cause - anyone - be in trouble - also

Style blinks. He cracks just the tiniest and briefest smile.

(In case you don't see it, here have a slowed down version of just the grin. Check the corner of his mouth: )

Hah. Got him. "Is owning a burger joint so difficult that you can’t date?"

I wasn't sure before if Style knew what he was doing when he asked the ex-lover question, but with this question now he definitely knows exactly what he's doing. Fadel comes up with a reply, but his word choice is still sus, so Style asks a follow-up question. Personally, I think that Style started asking question in the hopes of Fadel accidentally spilling the truth himself. Because if that happened, then that would be at least one secret off Style's back. He wouldn't have to pretend to Not Know and it would probably also lessen his anxieties about Fadel's occupation because at least he would also be able to openly talk about it and his fears with him. I think at this point Style has fully realized that Fadel isn't killing him any time soon, that his own life isn't in immediate danger just because he hangs out with Fadel and does things that boyfriends do with him. He is back to being as fearless as he was before The Reveal.

So Style asks a follow-up question, hoping that maybe Fadel will slip-up even more. But Fadel comes up with a bullshit story and Style just listens to it, nodding like yeah sure whatever you say baby. It quickly becomes clear to him that he won't be getting the truth out of Fadel's mouth for now. I feel like I haven't seen enough of the story yet to really confirm this for myself, but I wonder if during this conversation Style also realizes (or at least starts to suspect) that deep down Fadel isn't actually too fond of his killer job. Because when Style says "Maybe you just need to find something else to do. Do something that allows you to love without risking your loved ones." it just sounds too much like what he's ACTUALLY saying is:

Well, if you don't like being a "burger joint owner" (assassin), if being a "burger joint owner" (assassin) is making your life THAT difficult and depressing, then why don't you just quit being a "burger joint owner" (assassin) and find a new job that makes you happier and your life easier? Perhaps even a job where you don't have to worry about me your loved ones being safe?

After this deep talk where Fadel finally opens up to him about personal things, Style's panic has vanished completely. Instead, it has all been replaced with worry, worry about Fadel and his well-being specifically. And Style is also well aware of this development as we'll see later in the episode when Style tells Kant "I'm beginning to worry about him now." Style is still scared for his own life, but now it's not because he's terrified about Fadel killing him but more so because he doesn't want to become collateral damage if (when) he stays in a relationship with Fadel. I think this is another subtext of when Style says "Do something that allows you to love without risking your loved ones". He's not just making it about Fadel and his loved ones but he's also specifically referring to his own safety, too. Do something that allows you to be with me specifically where I don't have to worry about my own safety and potential death.

Style smiles innocently and cutely at Fadel (and I cry bc that exact smile is Dunk's inner Daonuea coming out) but before the conversation can go any further or they can get any cuter, Kant interrupts. Fadel is irritated and Kant's unexpected visit is an inconvenience to Style too, but Kant has some pressing matters to discuss, so they walk off to discuss them in private.

No. 5: Conflicted

Kant is in panic because Bison seems to be going ballistic on Kant's old hook-up with murder being a potential outcome. This has Style very concerned. He doesn't really care about Kant's old hook-up but he is very worried about his best friend. As much as Style likes helping people and as loyal of a friend he is, he really doesn't wanna help if helping Kant means Kant's potential death. Kant tries to talk Style into helping anyway, but Style is done: "I had nothing to do with this. You dragged me along." Style is very much not cool with having been involved in this without his consent. And now he's got another problem that makes the whole situation even more tricky for him:

By the way, I have a bad feeling about Fadel. He scares me. But I like his rough romantic side.

And at this point I really need to share Style's actual words:

And another thing, I don't know how I feel about Fadel. แล้วอีกอย่างนะกูรู้สึกยังไงกับไอ้ฟาเดลก็ไม่รู้ว่ะ [láew - ìig yàang - ná - guu - rúu-sèuk - yang-ngai - gàp - âi - Fadel - gôr - mâi - rúu - wâ] and - one more thing - [particle] - I - feel - how - with - [rude prefix] - Fadel - not - know - [particle]

He makes me feel scared. มันทำให้กูรู้สึกกลัว [man - tam hâi - guu - rúu-sèuk - gluua] he - to cause - I - feel - scared, fear

But I like his rough romantic side. แต่กูชอบมุมโรแมนติกเถื่อนๆของมันเว้ย [dtàe - guu - chôp - mum - roh-maen-dtìk - tèuuan tèuuan - kŏng man - wóiie] but - I - like - angle - romantic - rough - (of) his - [particle]

I put all of Style's lines mostly for completion, but really the language note is mostly about the very first line. Style doesn't say he has a bad feeling about Fadel, no, he says he feels conflicted about Fadel. Because on the one hand he's scared and on the other hand he really also likes him. When Style says Fadel makes him feel scared, I don't quite believe him, because apart from the sauna and that one short moment at the go-kart track absolutely nothing in his behavior has screamed I am scared, on the contrary. I think this is his rational mind telling him that logically he should be scared because Fadel fucking kills people fighting against his heart that is slowly getting to know the Fadel that's behind those thick high walls and that realizes that Fadel isn't that bad of a person after all. What's more, ever since they started dating, none of Fadel's actions or behaviors have put Style into immediate danger. In fact, Fadel has been nothing but a sweet, hot boyfriend to him. Style doesn't know how to feel about Fadel, because he's getting conflicting messages and can't figure out whether he should best follow his mind or his heart.

But Kant currently doesn't have time for Style's love life. Someone else's life is potentially at stake. So Kant responds: "This ain’t no time to confess your weird feelings." Or what he actually says is:

This is not the time to confess your love. ไม่ใช่เวลามาสารภาพรักไงล่ะ [mâi châi - weh-la - ma - săa-rá-pâap - rák - ngai - lâ] not - time - come - confess - love - [particle] - [particle]

I just wanted to note that Kant says nothing about "weird": Kant is not being judgy about Style's feelings specifically, he's only judgy about Style's sense of timing. Okay, carry on.

Anyway, Kant suggests asking Fadel for help.

No. 6: Boyfriend Card

Fadel, predictably, is not happy about this turn of events. But Style is now helping his friend after all, and so he pulls the boyfriend card: "You’re my boyfriend, you know? If you like me at all, you have to help my friend." It works. Fadel agrees to help. Kant calls him "Brother-in-Law". Style is very hyped at Kant's sass and praises him. Fadel chats with Bison on the phone and learns enough info for Kant to know exactly where Bison is at. Kant runs off. Style watches him leave wide-eyed, then turns to Fadel and excitedly goes "Wow. I hope you’re not the jealous type like your brother is." Fadel tells him "If you mean well, then you have nothing to worry about." But then he also speaks out a warning:

But if you’re just leading me on, or trying to get something out of me, you’re in for some serious bruises.

Dare I say this is foreshadowing for when Fadel finds out about the real reason why Style was hitting on him? And I have a feeling Style gets that memo too. Uncharacteristically, he stays quiet.

Pronoun side note: Kant uses the polite phom/khun pronouns for Fadel while Fadel uses the rude guu/mueng pronouns for Kant and I think that's hilarious, actually.

No. 7: Falling

Kant updates Style on the James situation but Style stays optimistic. Kant really doesn't share this view and reminds him that Bison is a hitman. Style gets stressed and also a bit irritated at Kant and shoots a reminder back: "I was sleeping with his brother last night all because you asked me to, didn’t I?" (he says, as if Kant ordered him to hook up with Fadel in the garage 🤭) Style hates that he is in this mess when he never even asked to be in this mess in the first place.

Kant says he doesn't want anyone else risking their lives (bro. maybe you should have thought of that before you got your bestie involved or at least asked him for his consent, don't you think 🤨) and that he has to get this job done. Style looks downwards, troubled and in thought. He sits down and it's time for another confession:

Come to think of it. How would I even get through this? I compromised my whole body, and if we’re being honest, I’ve already compromised half of my heart, too. I’m beginning to worry about him now.

Language note: When Style says "I'm beginning to worry about him now" what he really says is "I'm worrying about him now" or "I'm worried about him now". He isn't just beginning to worry about him, no, Style is already worrying about him and he is fully aware of it:

ตอนนี้กูเป็นห่วงฟาเดลแล้วว่ะ [dton-níi - guu - bpen hùuang - Fadel - láew - wâ] now - I - be worried - Fadel - already - [particle]

This confession has Kant alarmed. "Don’t fall in love with him at all costs." But it's already too late. Style is already falling, and he's falling fast. And he knows it, too.

Style points out that Kant isn't exactly doing any better either. Kant sighs and says he wants to end things quickly and then foretells what their happy ending is going to be: "Once those two get arrested, we walk free."

But Style stares gloomily into the air and gives a near invisible head shake, almost as if he disagrees with Kant's words, as if to say But that's not what MY happy ending looks like.

Then he stands up swearing and says: "Hope it ends before either one of us kicks the bucket. I shouldn’t have put my heart on the line for this." He wants to get out of that mess asap and preferably alive (and with his heart fully intact). Kant has another mission for him.

No. 8: Can I Have This Dance

Yeah no I don't have anything to say about this scene except: this is a boy in love.

And also, not to brag but @titkos--sideblog and I called the butt grab(s) before the show had even started airing, including the exact episode number (episode 4 counts too because we did get the one wide shot in the greenhouse with Fadel's hands on Style's ass!!):

Okay, no, I lied. Now that I'm done awww-ing about how fucking cute this whole scene is, I do have something to say after all:

Once again, there is not a single ounce of fear anywhere to be found in Style, no matter how stressed he gets whenever Kant brings up that Fadel and Bison are hitmen. On the contrary, Style is completely at ease. He's shamelessly teasing Fadel, shamelessly flirting with him, and also being silly without a second thought. I was actually talking to @secriden in our DMs and I just wanted to share something she said to me because she really hit the nail on the head:

[Style] makes it clear that he wants Fadel to participate and frames his case as being about his need for an "F" for his "S" so the 'embarrassing cheesiness' is all on Style's behest. When he makes Fadel dance with him, he reminds Fadel that he's already seen a far more embarrassing dance and found it incredibly hot and then starts being overthetop and ridiculous so that even if Fadel starts dancing with him its not going to be more embarrassing and silly than what Style is doing.

I absolutely agree. This whole scene is Style trying his best to get Fadel out of his shell, to get Fadel to loosen up a little. We've already seen Style attempting to do this in episode 2 when he shows up in Fadel's kitchen with an order and pretends to be a commentator on a cooking competition or in episode 3 at the heavy metal bar when he invites Fadel to dance with him, to scream and to basically let loose with him. Except back then Fadel stubbornly refused to engage. Where Style failed in episode 3, he now as Fadel's official boyfriend succeeds. This time around Fadel does dance with Style, albeit tentatively, and even ends up having a little bit of fun.

No. 9: Percentages

They're sitting at the table watching Kant and Bison be cute and Style makes a comment about how they look good together. Fadel informs him that even if he tolerates Kant now, he still doesn't trust him and Style squints his eyes a little at him in a way that I can't find the proper words to describe.

It's almost inquisitive. Style knows full well that Kant absolutely has ulterior motives, more ulterior motives even than Style himself has. Style knows full well that Fadel absolutely has legitimate reasons to distrust Kant, knows exactly that Fadel's bad feeling about Kant is entirely on point. The way Style squints at him looks as though he's curious about why Fadel doesn't trust Kant. What is Kant doing, what in Kant's behavior is giving it away that Kant's not exactly trustworthy?

Fadel elaborates that a guy like him doesn’t go trusting someone 100%. Style looks almost a little guilty when he looks down at table for a moment as he goes "Oh?" Then he asks "Not even me?" and it's just a little bit too "loud" again to be entirely genuine. Style knows exactly that he doesn't really deserve Fadel's full trust because he, too, is hiding secrets from Fadel. And I think he tries to play it off and deflect from it in an Whaaat, you don't even fully trust ME, your very own BOYFRIEND? When CLEARLY as your boyfriend I am entitled to 100% of your trust? sort of way. But Fadel didn't come to play around. He retaliates with "You’re at 80% at best." Which, by the way, in Thai goes something like:

Someone like you? Only gets 80. อย่างมึงนะได้แค่80 [yàang - mueng - ná - dâai - kâe - bpàet sìp] like - you - [particle] - receive - only - 80

Style throws him a look that again I find really hard to describe:

He looks a bit judgmental that Fadel really dared to be this harsh to his very own boyfriend, but at the same time he knows that Fadel is absolutely spot on with that judgment. And I think he is also kind of disappointed, because he does very much want those full 100%.

More serious now, Fadel continues: "I feel like you’re hiding something from me in the rest 20%". From the tone of Style's voice when he says "What are you talking about?" I feel like this isn't at all about him deflecting Fadel's completely spot on statement but more about Style complaining that Fadel won't play along properly. Style is frustrated, but almost in a pouty way. When he asks "What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?" I think it's still part of the little game that he's started, but now there is a sort of urgency to his voice that exposes him. Style needs an answer to this question, because it's important for him to get those 100%. Style really wants Fadel to be able to fully trust him. Style might still be keeping secrets from Fadel but nevertheless he wants to do everything he can to "be worthy of Fadel's trust" (words stolen from @secriden's meta), despite the lies he has to keep up for now. What's more, Style went all in the moment he and Fadel became official and the "all in" includes trust as well. It's either all or nothing for Style.

Fadel doesn't answer immediately. Similarly to their deep talk in the garage, Style patiently waits for Fadel to speak rather than to press him for an answer. And 7 seconds later Fadel drops: "It'll never happen."

So far this conversation has been mostly lighthearted but at this point the mood suddenly changes. Fadel announces there will never be a day where he'll fully trust Style and Style sighs, a little dejected.

No matter how hard Style tries, there will never be a day where he'll be able to make up for all the secrets he's been keeping and for all the lies he has to tell, all the lies he's already told, and all the lies he'll be forced to tell in the future. Because let's be real, at this point? Style is keeping up the charades mostly for the sake of Kant (and maybe a little bit for the sake of his own safety). As many people have already pointed out, Style is the type of person where what you see is what you get. And I think Style struggles with the fact that he can't be fully honest with Fadel. And he knows it's going to hurt both of them when Fadel finds out that he was right in not fully trusting Style. And there is nothing he can do about it, no matter how much he tries to be as open and transparent with Fadel as possible to soften the blow.

Fadel elaborates and as Style listens to Fadel's explanation, the good mood that was there on Style's face earlier is replaced by a very serious expression.

I think he's probably wondering where Fadel got this outlook on life from. By now Style has learned that Fadel has gone through quite some shit in his time. I think he realizes that there's a chance that Fadel's distrust in people is connected to another "My parents were shot" story or that it could also be connected to Fadel's scar. This interpretation gets pretty much confirmed at the end of the episode, when Style tells Fadel that he'll be his 100% one day and goes to kiss Fadel's scar immediately after, as if to say I know whatever scarred you took away your ability to trust people but I'll be the one to do you right.

The conversation is taking a heavy turn, but the bar is no place to discuss such topics, so Style dismisses Fadel's words and changes the topic like he did back at the garage. He invites Fadel to come on stage and sing. Fadel refuses. Style reminds him that there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about since there's only drunk people here, but Fadel still doesn't want to. Style pulls him on stage anyway and whipped boyfriend that he is, Fadel follows him after all and engages in the social interaction.

But then Kant gets a phone call and suddenly has to run. I absolutely cannot tell if Style is fully aware of what Kant is planning to do or not. In their last one on one scene, Kant announced that he had a plan, but didn't exactly elaborate on it, just told Style to make sure Fadel stayed by his side the entire time. Of course Kant might have told him off-screen, but there is also a chance that Style only knows as much as the audience knows. Either way, Style doesn't feel great about it. When Style asks if he should come too, his voice might just be the most serious and worried we've ever heard it throughout the series so far. But Kant refuses and runs off by himself. Fadel walks over to Bison to make a comment to him while Style stands behind them, looking worried. When he sits at the table with Fadel and Bison later waiting for Kant he is uncharacteristically quiet and still, except for that one time where he tries to get Bison to stay a little longer. But when that doesn't work he just sits there and stares at Bison wordlessly. Even Style's aura is suddenly very quiet.

Pronoun side note: When they met in episode 2, Style and Bison where using the polite khun/phom with each other. In this scene all three of them were using only the rude guu/mueng pronouns when talking to each other.

No. 10: Look They've Made It Onto A Bed

Okay, so this is gonna mess with my usual formatting of going chronologically, but please bear with me as I take a look at the actual sex before I get into the dialogue.

Everything about this is warm, so warm and soft with the red/yellow/orange tones and they've finally made it onto a bed. I've seen posts joking about getting them a bed for the sake of their backs, but I think it was a very deliberate choice that up until now they were never anywhere near a bed. Your bed is one of the most intimate places you have, it's where you sleep and are at your most vulnerable to outside danger. Up until now, Fadel and Style couldn't be on a bed yet, their relationship wasn't ready for that yet. And I think it's so significant that the first time they are sleeping with each other on an actual bed happens after Style knows the truth about Fadel. It's such a stark contrast to the beginning of the episode where Style asked to hook up in a public sauna and get it over with because he was just so very uncomfortable about bringing Fadel home. But now at the end of the episode Fadel is right here in Style's bed. Style knows the truth, knows Fadel kills people and he still brought him into his home, his own room, his very own bed. Style knows the truth and yet Style has fully let Fadel into his life. (Like, 100% you could say...)

This scene also parallels the storage room hook-up, but now the places are switched. In fact, this scene is the complete opposite of everything that happened in the storage room. Let's take a look.

As many people pointed out after episode 3, Fadel was more or less worshiping Style's body back then. Now it's Style's turn to worship Fadel's body. Back in the storage room, everything was rushed because Fadel was running on anger and sexual frustration. Style now in turn moves very slowly and everything he does, he does very deliberately and with intention. There is so much tenderness and care in every single one of Style's touches. Where the storage room sex was first and foremost led by anger, mutual annoyance, and physical attraction, instead it is now led by love and the emotional bond that they've started to build up over the episode. Actually, @secriden has written a beautiful post comparing these two scenes with each other.

If you remember, @clemelntine noted what we can learn about Style's and Fadel's desires in their respective fantasies. In my ep3 and my ep4 meta I added on to this thought and discussed at length how in Style's fantasy he barely stopped searching for eye contact and how the emotional component was very important to Style and how he was getting next to no eye contact in the storage room scene (where emotionally they weren't on the same page at all) and how he was slowly getting more of it in the greenhouse (where they were finally starting to come together emotionally). Now in Style's bed? Style finally gets what he desires. Fadel barely stops looking at him, hardly ever takes his eyes off of him. He even lifts his head to watch Style as he moves to kiss Fadel's scar or to kiss his upper body a little later on.

Of course, for Fadel specifically part of that is also because he is still on guard around Style, can't fully let go yet, can't fully trust Style yet (more on the topic of trust in a bit). Which is why it's so beautiful that when Fadel does take his eyes off of Style it's when he finally lets himself fall into it a little. Fadel may break eye contact, but it's not because he's avoiding Style's eyes and closing himself off again, no, it's because Fadel is finally starting to let go a little, is giving up just a little bit of control to Style, letting him do as he pleases the way Style has let Fadel do as he pleased back in the storage room.

I also find it interesting that there is no background music at all throughout the entire scene (that is from the moment Style takes his shirt off right at the beginning before the dialogue even starts) because it makes the scene feel even more intimate and raw, almost as if we, the audience, shouldn't even be here. In the storage room, in the woods, and in the garage, every single time there was music playing while they were going at it. This here in the bedroom is the most intimate sex they've had so far, and it is stripped bare of any background music (remember the word "bare", it will come back later). There are no distractions, that is no music to hide behind, it's just them and their feelings on full display. Here in Style's own room, Style is laying himself bare for Fadel completely and this is underlined by the lack of music. The music won't come back until the end to lead us into the end credits, and when the music does come back, it's none other than Style's, I mean Dunk's OST song for the show.

No. 11: Bare Bodies and Open Hearts

Now that we've looked at the sex itself, let's take examine the dialogue and the context in which the sex scene is happening in.

The double date night is over and I'm assuming Kant probably texted Style telling him he was all good, because considering how concerned we left Style last time we saw him, I think he would have had his mind somewhere else most of the time during this scene rather than focusing entirely on Fadel if he didn't know his best friend was safe. Anyway. I'm just gonna run with that this is what happened and that's why Style is all relaxed and without worries again.

Actually, before I get into anything else I wanna talk about these specific lines because both the English translation as well as the original Thai lines have me insane for different reasons:

F: Like I said, no one can truly lay themselves bare for someone. [...] S: Will you lay yourself bare for me?

Let's start with what has me insane about the Thai lines first. But first a little recap: In my ep3 meta and my ep4 meta I mentioned the word เปิดใจ [bpèrt jai]. If you're new here or simply just forgot, this is a word that means something like "open up to something/someone" or "giving something a chance". This word consists of the words "(to) open" (เปิด [bpèrt]) and "heart, mind" (ใจ [jai]), so literally translated it makes "to open one's heart".

Now, Style was using this word in episode 3 after Fadel presented him with a burger when he asked "Are you finally folding?" (literally: "You've opened your heart to me now, right?"). If we remember, the burger was the first time Fadel reached out to Style first and did something nice for him (unless we count Fadel dropping off the car at Style's garage in ep1, although that only came about as a consequence of the crash, or there was also that time Fadel ambushed Style in the locker room, but he didn't exactly have nice intentions about it). Anyway, that was the first time Fadel was properly connecting with Style in a friendly way and of his own accord, a significant moment.

In episode 4 we get this word again during the "be my boyfriend" conversation when Style says "I’m 100% in. It’s your turn to let me in a little bit" (literally: "I've opened my heart to you 100% already. Only you remain. How much will you open your heart to me?") Again, this is a significant moment, because right after those lines is when Fadel finally agrees to be Style's boyfriend.

And in both scenes I just really really liked the image of Fadel, who has closed off his heart so deeply and securely behind thick high walls, being asked to open up the way to his heart.

Right now you're probably assuming that in Thai they're using the word เปิดใจ [bpèrt jai] again. No. Actually, they are not. But!! They are using the word เปิด [bpèrt] and I think it works enough for a callback to that imagery and specifically to those lines from the "be my boyfriend" scene:

F: Like I said, we aren't 100% open with others. อย่างที่กูบอกอ่ะ คนเราไม่เปิดกับคนอื่น 100% หรอก [yàang - tîi - guu - bòk - àh • kon rao - mâi - bpèrt - gàp - kon èun - rói bper-sen -ròk] way - that - I - say - [particle] • people, we - not - open - with - others - 100% - [particle] [...] S: Can you open up for me? มึงเปิดให้กู้ได้มั้ยล่ะ [mueng - bpèrt - hâi - guu - dâai - mái - lâ] you - open - for - I/me - be able to - ? - [particle]

And it just makes me a little bit insane for multiple reasons: first of all, we continue with that imagery, that theme of Fadel opening up to Style. And second of all, there's also been a running theme about percentages. The theme of opening up and the theme of percentages are tightly connected:

It starts in the "be my boyfriend" scene where Style tells Fadel "I've opened my heart to you 100% already." All the doors to Style's heart are wide open for Fadel to enter as he pleases. But at the time Fadel's heart is still closed to Style. So Style tells him that it's Fadel's turn now and asks him: "How much will you open your heart to me?" How many doors to his heart will Fadel open for Style? What is the percentage of his heart that Fadel is willing to grant Style access to?

And then earlier in the scene at the bar Fadel says "Someone like you only gets 80%". Somehow this feels kind of like an answer to Style's question of "How much will you open your heart to me?" And yes, the conversation at the bar is about trust and not their hearts, but Style made it about their relationship when he asked "Not even me? (Not even your boyfriend?)" and Fadel also brings up love later when he says "No matter how much you love someone". The heart is also involved in a relationship. And what kind of relationship is it when your heart isn't fully in it or you don't fully trust your partner? And I think this is also part of the reason why it's so important for Style to reach those 100%. He wants both of them to put 100% of their hearts and 100% of their trust in this relationship. He wants this to be an equal relationship.

And here and now in the bedroom Style asks again: "Can you open up to me?" But Fadel can't just yet. Because Fadel doesn't believe he can. So Style declares: "One day, I’ll be your 100%." One day he will show Fadel that it is possible for him to trust someone completely. One day he will have 100% of Fadel's trust. One day he will have 100% of Fadel's heart. And he will get there. Because he is persistent. And because Fadel already has 100% of Style's heart and Style's trust. It's only fair for Style to get 100% in return.

So. This is the reason why the Thai lines make me feel insane. Now on to the English translation which adds additional imagery, which as a whole makes me feel even more insane.

Let me just start out with a reminder that at the bowling alley Fadel vehemently refused to wear the stupid shirt and then announced that he was taking it off as soon as they were done when he did agree to wear it after all. And now let me just point out that Fadel is still wearing that very same stupid shirt in during this scene in Style's bedroom. In fact, it's Style who loses the shirt first. Anyway.

In English Fadel says "No one can truly lay themselves bare for someone." But Style already has. For Fadel's whole entire line we linger on a shot of Style's bare body:

Fadel says "No one can truly lay themselves bare for someone" to Style who is literally bare before him. Style is living proof of the contrary of Fadel's beliefs. They continue their conversation and then Style asks "Will you lay yourself bare for me?" to Fadel, who is still fully clothed and very much not bare. And again, their conversation continues until Style declares "One day, I’ll be your 100%." And right after that Style pulls up Fadel's shirt. And how much does he pull it up?

That's right. He lays bare roughly 80% of Fadel's upper body (if we don't count the back of the shirt that didn't go up bc Joong is lying on it). He lays bare those 80% that Fadel told Style that he had. A little later Style pulls up the shirt even more for better access to the nipples but Fadel never fully loses his shirt the way Style has (who literally starts out the scene by immediately taking his shirt off, baring himself to Fadel first thing with no inhibitions). Until the end of the episode Fadel never loses the shirt 100% because he is not yet ready for that, not yet ready to lay himself bare for Style. Not yet ready for Style to uncover 100% of him. And Style respects that, no matter how much he might have complained at the bar. He never tries to remove more of the shirt than those 80% that he was granted.

Sorry. I need a moment.

Okay, now that we have this imagery and those themes out of the way, let's go through the scene the way I usually do. So this episode we started their story with Style feeling very uncomfortable at the thought of bringing Fadel, a Known Killer, to his home and we end the episode with Fadel right there in Style's room, in Style's bed. Style and Fadel have spent the entire episode sharing personal things and getting to know each other better and also on a bit of a deeper level and now that they're in private away from the others, Style opens up about something that has been on his mind all episode: "It feels so weird every time I’m with you. Sometimes you make me feel so scared, and sometimes you make me feel so safe."

Style is very much not scared of Fadel in this moment. In fact, most of his behavior and his actions surrounding Fadel this episode weren't the behavior and the actions of a scared man, especially when he was interacting with Fadel directly (apart from the very first scene in the sauna when the initial shock hadn't worn off yet). I think Style is still thinking of his mind vs. heart conflict when he says "sometimes you make me feel scared and sometimes you make me feel safe", but deep down he has already decided.

But Fadel doesn't know any of this. Fadel has no idea of the internal battle that Style has been fighting all episode, trying to reconcile the image of the ruthless killer with the man he's falling in love with. So Fadel tells him that it would be good for Style to be a little scared of him and repeats his point from back at the bar about (in)complete trust. And then he speaks out a warning: "The real me might be scarier than you think." But Style isn't scared. Because Style already knows that. Style already knows the truth.

However, Style mostly knows it in theory. He did get to see some of Fadel's real him in action when he took on 3 men by himself and also got to experience some of Fadel's violence on his own body. But the thing is, no matter how much he isn't scared of Fadel despite Knowing the Truth in theory, now matter how lowkey (highkey) hot he found Fadel take out three whole men, actually witnessing Fadel actively kill someone in practice might still be traumatizing no matter how much he thinks he is mentally prepared for it, so I do think Fadel kinda has a point with his warning. But I'm not sure Style has thought this far ahead already. I think in this episode he was mostly preoccupied with worrying about his own life, his own safety and with coming to terms that he was falling in love with a murderer in the first place.

Throughout the entire episode Fadel has never really given Style a reason to be scared of him. Instead, Fadel has spent quality time with Style, has engaged in conversation more than ever before, has asked him personal questions about his life and has even shared a little bit about his own life, which wasn't much but it was a start. They've had serious talks, sexy talks, fun talks, they were silly together and laughed together and they sat on the floor and shared pain together. Fadel didn't even get murderous over a potential break-up in the very beginning when Style was still nervous around him. Style spent the entire episode falling in love with Fadel, despite knowing about his occupation. "Can you open up for me? / Will you lay yourself bare for me?" Style responds to Fadel's warning. It's encouragement in several ways. It's encouragement for Fadel to try to learn that he can in fact trust someone (Style) 100%, that he can in fact be fully open with someone (Style). And it's encouragement for Fadel to tell Style his secret. Style needs Fadel to open up, to admit the truth himself first. Style needs it, so that they can openly talk about it without having to dance around the subject and talk in metaphors. He needs it so that there will be one less thing that he is lying about, so that he'll be one step closer to being able to be 100% honest with Fadel. And it has to be Fadel specifically who says it first so that Style can just run with it, because if Fadel finds out that Style was already in the know then both Kant and his mission as well as the 80% trust that Fadel has granted Style are on the line.

"I promise that no matter who you are, I’ll still like you." And there it is. Style's decision. His mind and his heart were fighting a battle and his heart won. Rationally he knows Fadel is dangerous and that he should stay away from him if he values his own life, but the heart wants what the heart wants. And even though it's not exactly like he can just say I know what you are and I fell in love anyway, I want to be with you despite it all, he still tries to get the message across.

Fadel doesn't believe his promise, though. "Words are cheap. I’ll do that when you’re ready. You can judge, then." Again, I think Fadel has a point. Fadel's response works whether Fadel is aware that Style knows or not. Because yes, Style may say he'll like Fadel no matter his occupation, but Style still hasn't seen the killer in action. Fadel's words mean Decide whether you still like me or not only when you find out my real occupation before you promise anything as much as they mean Decide whether you still like me or not once you've actually seen me murder someone in front of you before you promise anything. Style has already made a decision about the former, but he is yet to make a decision about the latter.

But in reality he has already made a choice and he is set on it: "One day, I’ll be your 100%." He wants Fadel's full trust and he wants Fadel's full heart. He will show Fadel that he will stay by his side and that Fadel's trust in him will be worth it. He will show Fadel that the mortifying ordeal of Being Known™ is not as scary as it seems. He means it when he says he'll like Fadel no matter what. Because now he already cares and worries about him much more deeply than he could ever have anticipated. Assassin be damned. He can get over it. And also, Fadel being dangerous is really fucking hot. "I just hope you don’t get any new scars."

I've already made a post about it, but I just want to point out: Fadel's scar is positioned right above his heart. I do very much wonder if the scar is related to the guy Fadel danced with in the flashback. Is he the reason why Fadel doesn't trust anyone 100%? Did whatever happened with that guy not just metaphorically leave a scar on Fadel's heart but also physically? Either way, we know how it's going to end:

Style's love is going to heal Fadel's scarred heart.

[hawkinshistoricalsociety]

ST5 Approximate Timeline

EDIT (1/3/2025): I went ahead and put this all in a shareable Google Doc that I'll keep updated in more real time because honestly formatting this post was extremely annoying and we already have new information. You can find that here!

I've been taking notes on the pap photos, set reports, combined with the more official BTS photos we've been getting from Ross, Netflix, etc, and I thought I'd take a pass organizing it into a timeline, based on character groups/outfits, locations, and times of day. None of this is "new" information but hopefully still interesting for people as an attempt to take a bigger picture view of the season. I've tried to include links to sources - definitely leaning a lot on the work of byrhop on X, will80sbyers here, and various Reddit users tracking this stuff. TY!

I tried to mostly stick to things we have visual confirmation for and not overly speculate/editorialize, just organize by probable timing. Of course some (or a lot) of this will be incorrect, but I wanted to share it as we enter the ST5 promo era and more "data points" emerge. I would love for feedback on what you think I've gotten right or wrong, and what I've missed. (aka someone please help me crack why multiple distinct character groups seem to go to the hospital and lab 45 separate times and also when tf does the WSQK van get outfitted with the antenna. I'm losing my mind)

I may keep this updated as new stuff comes out, or may tend to my Google Doc version and repost after the next round of promo. TBD!

Do not read this post if you are avoiding spoilers.

Pre-season flashbacks (during the first episode)

Steve and Jonathan work together on some wires/equipment, probably part of setting up the Radio Station (strangerwriters pre-viz)

Steve turns to look toward the camera and cocks his eyebrow (strangerwriters pre-viz)

Cold Open

Season cold open is a flashback to S1 Will in UD Castle Byers, probably before the Demogorgon takes him to the Library. Like all previous season cold opens, this likely will end on a “twist” that we won’t have full context for until mid- or late season. (strangerwriters script snippet, Ross Instagram)

Day 1 

Before/While the boys are at school

Mike (outfit #1) sits in his room at his desk, looking contemplative (Ross Instagram)

Karen cooks breakfast in the Wheeler kitchen, she and Joyce talk (Netflix filming wrap BTS photo)

Hopper, Joyce, and El train at the junkyard during the day (Netflix filming wrap BTS photo, Ross Instagram)

Joyce and Hopper are at Hopper’s trailer during the day (wearing the same outfits they did at the junkyard) (Stranger Things Day BTS photos)

Steve and Robin are at the Radio Station in the 20th “scene” of ep 1 (Ross Instagram)

Murray makes a delivery in the Bradley’s Big Buy truck to the Radio Station during the day, Jonathan, Nancy, and Joyce (outfits #1) are there. (pap photos)

Hopper (randomly seemingly in his second outfit) also shot radio station daytime exteriors that seem in line with Day 1, but maybe just with Joyce? (pap photos)

Nancy wears her pink sweater and jean jacket inside the Radio Station, opens a door (Ross Instagram)

School Day

Shot of students arriving at Hawkins High in the morning - there is a military presence outside (July BTS video)

Mike and Dustin have an encounter with the jock bullies outside the High School (pap photos)

Dustin, Mike, Will, and Lucas discuss something in the hallway (July BTS video)

In the cafeteria, Mike is listening to his radio and writing something down while Dustin, Lucas, and Will crowd around him (July BTS video)

Probably after school ends, the boys are at the picnic table in the woods outside the high school. Mike initiates a hand stack with Lucas, Will, and Dustin (July BTS video) 

While the other boys are talking at the picnic table, Will experiences something supernatural (probably an early S2-style “True Sight episode,” per Reddit user kauan1983 here) and walks away, ending up at Hawkins Middle School. He looks at something in the Middle School hallway with his hand on the back of his neck. Mike and Lucas run into the school after him. (July BTS video)

Scenes at the elementary school with Holly and Derek, their class is reading A Wrinkle In Time (pap reports, photos)

After School

Lucas visits Max, still comatose, at the hospital, holds her hand (<3). There is a radio/tape player next to her bedside and the Hounds of Love cassette tape (Ross Instagram)

Mike, Will, and Holly bike by the military compound in downtown Hawkins on their way to the Wheelers’. Mike's radio is affixed to his handlebars (this could also be in the morning, going from Wheeler House to school - especially if the Byers are at the Wheelers' in the morning for some reason) (pap photos)

At dusk, Dustin bikes to the cemetery and the jocks harass him at Eddie’s vandalized grave (Ross Instagram, July BTS video, pap photos)

Radio Station

Mike, Will go to Radio Station from either school or Wheelers’, meet up with Joyce, Hopper, Robin, Steve, Jonathan, El; Dustin, Lucas eventually join them

Mike and El talk on the radio station roof during the day or at dusk, Mike appears to be cheering up or encouraging El. They seem to get interrupted and both look with concern out toward the field. El yells something to someone on the ground? (pap photos, video, video 2)

Nancy, Robin, Joyce, El, Will (maybe Mike behind the group). El says "there's too many," shot ends on Will looking worried (Ross Instagram) *Feel like this has to be at the radio station around here with this grouping? IDK. is this related to why El and Hopper may not be at the group meeting?

Group meeting in the Radio Station basement bunker where Will and Joyce seem to present to Jonathan (maybe also presenting, seated at projector), Robin, Steve, Nancy, Mike, Lucas (no Hopper/El?). Nancy in candy striper outfit, so either coming from or ready to go to Hospital (July BTS video)

Joyce and Robin look at the fuse box in the dark Radio Station basement (July BTS video)

Night 1, leaving Radio Station

Will on bike at the high school track at night (Ross Instagram, placed here bc it was very early weeks of filming though that’s not necessarily a real indicator) (is this a vision or a flashback? Or could be related to the “Will is having nightmares and waking up across town” leak from here)

At night, Lucas and Mike leave the Radio Station on bikes (both outfits #1), maybe go to the Wheelers (Stranger Things Day BTS) (do they know about the attack at the Wheeler House, or are they just going home?)

Jonathan (outfit #1) drives in the WSQK van (no antenna) downtown at night. Steve and Nancy rumored to be there but we don’t have pics (pap photos/reports)

Wheeler House

Karen takes a bubble bath and drinks wine (Ross Instagram Weeks 9-10, StrangerThingsTV Instagram)

Lights flash in Holly’s room as she crouches on the ground (she's still in outfit #1) (July BTS video)

Holly looks upset/afraid in the Wheelers' kitchen (July BTS video)

At night, there is an attack at the Wheeler House, Karen is injured and Holly is taken (prop leak, rumors)

(approx. ep 1 / ep 2 break)

Night 1: Someone is transported to Hospital in an ambulance, likely Karen from the Wheeler House. Exterior hospital lights flicker (pap photos/videos)

Day 2

Hospital

Karen, Mike, Nancy, Joyce, Jonathan, Will, Lucas, Robin, Steve, Vickie filmed at the hospital, seemingly for this visit but maybe not all of them (doubles descriptions)

Inside the hospital, Nancy looks at Mike with concern. Mike turns to look at something off-camera. Time of day and their outfits are unclear (July BTS feature)

During the day, Robin spends time in Hospital room #110. Vickie is present. *This could also be Day 1, but that seems like a lot of hospital back and forth (StrangerThingsNetflix Instagram photo)

There may be an attack at the Hospital based on set photo of a bloody shoe, probably Joyce’s, where you can see the hospital floor (Ross Instagram)

Episode 2 / Day 2 daytime currently a real black box as far as I can tell, especially if the ep 1 cliffhanger is the attack on the Wheelers. I’m going to slot in a lot of military with kids stuff here - particularly if Holly is actually taken by the military, and not anything supernatural/directly UD related (what I’m currently leaning toward)

Steve’s car gets outfitted with the antenna? Dustin is pretty MIA in this zone, let's guess he's involved

Maybe El and/or Hopper do a lil trip to the UD because El at least was definitely filming UD scenes in Feb (also in the July BTS video) that I haven’t slotted in anywhere definitive but since they end up right back there ca. ep 4 that feels weird to me? If Holly is taken into the UD, maybe El and/or Hopper go right after her.

(approx. ep 2 / ep 3 break)

Radio Station during the day

Nancy (in her candy striper dress), Jonathan (outfit #1), and Steve (outfit #1) stand near the Wheeler station wagon outside the Radio Station. There are bikes in the back of the car. Coming from hospital? (Netflix filiming wrap BTS photos, confirmed to be ep 3)

Turnbow Mansion

There may be daytime scenes, probably in an earlier ep, with Derek in not his rainbow sweater, and Mrs. Turnbow in athleisure (pap photos)

The Turnbows (mom, dad, teen daughter) walk into their home around dusk (pap photos)

Erica, looking very formal in a white collar with black bowtie, eats dinner with the Turnbows (Netflix filming wrap BTS photo)

Lucas, wearing his jacket and with his backpack on, stands at the foot of the stairs to the second floor while the lights flicker (July BTS video)

Steve’s car (w/ antenna) gets to the Mansion first, then the WSQK van (no antenna) arrives at dusk driven by Joyce, with un-IDed stand-in in the passenger seat (adult man, Hopper or Jonathan or Murray? IDK) in passenger seat (pap photos, pap photos 2, pap photos 3, pap photos 4)

Robin, Steve, Mike, and Jonathan are in the Turnbows’ garage. Sneaking in? (Netflix filming wrap BTS photo)

At night, Will is outside the Mansion in his second outfit (pap photos)

Nancy and El are reported to have filmed at the set, but we don’t have pics. (pap reports, pap reports 2)

Radio Station at Night

From the Mansion, at least some of the gang drives to Radio Station (versus directly to Farm).  Putting here based on the fact that Frank Darabont was directing and this was a night shoot, so logically seems to slot in after the mansion.

There is an action scene at the Radio Station at night, maybe involving both supernatural & military. Will is on roof in his second outfit, and Steve, Jonathan, and Dustin are there. A male voice screams at Steve to run (pap video, pap photos)

(approx. ep 3 / ep 4 break)

Mike, Joyce, Will, and Lucas are in the Radio Station bunker in their second outfits (Netflix filming wrap BTS photo, confirmed episode 4)

The military invades the Radio Station, with Alex Breaux’s character leading the strike team (July BTS video)

El stands in front of some blinds in an industrial-looking storage room/area with wood paneling on the walls, probably inside the Radio Station. Sarah’s hair tie is around her wrist but fraying. (Ross Instagram, July BTS video, Netflix filming wrap BTS photo, confirmed episode 4)

Steve’s Car in the UD

In their second outfits, Steve, Dustin, Jonathan, and Nancy enter the UD at the McCorkle Farm while in Steve’s car (outfitted with an antenna on the roof), probably at night. They scream as they move between dimensions, and the car seems to be falling. (Ross Instagram Weeks 15-19, strangerwriters pre-viz).  *This likely happens at the end of Day 2, since these four were not spotted at the farm during the day AFAIK - if they all arrive at the Farm during nighttime on Day 2, maybe the Steve car group goes right to the UD

While in the UD, Steve, Dustin, Jonathan, and Nancy (with a gun over her shoulder) stand together looking into the distance while red lightning flashes (July BTS video)

Steve and Dustin explore a vine-covered interior somewhere institutional, probably the UD Lab (July BTS video, Netflix filming wrap BTS photo) *this happens in ep 6 bc Shawn Levy is directing, but grouping here with the Steve car UD stuff for now

In the UD, Steve’s car speeds toward Roane Hill Cemetery (pap video)

El and Hopper in the UD

During military attack on Radio Station, Hopper and El steal a humvee, then end up in the UD (and maybe picked up a kid? lol another moving piece I cannot get a handle on) (pap photos, video, July BTS video)

Hopper is in the UD with a gun (July BTS video)

El is at the UD Lab (Millie Instagram photos)

Day 3

McCorkle Farm (Right Side Up)

WSQK van (no antenna) is maybe at the farm at night (Ross Instagram)

Erica, Derek, Mike (outfit #2), Will (outfit #2), Robin (outfit #2), Joyce (outfit #2), Karen (not photographed), and Lucas (not photographed) are at the farm during the day (pap video, BTS photo, Cara Instagram, pap reports)

Robin and Derek are inside the barn, maybe at night (Ross Instagram)

Derek’s Transformers sheets and GI Joe lunchbox (maybe with a bullet hole) are at the farm (Ross Instagram)

Derek and Erica stand next to each other inside the barn. Erica is wearing the same sweater she wore at the Mansion, but no longer has on the collar. Time of day is unclear (July BTS video)

Mike carries a shovel and walks with Will at dusk (tunnel time?) (Noah Instagram)

At some point around here, there is a flashback to a 13 yo Jonathan with 8yo Mike and Will. Young Mike is the only one with lines. Is this part of a Will vision? (casting call)

Downtown

Murray and Robin (second outfit) drive the Bradley’s truck downtown at night (Netflix filming wrap BTS photo, confirmed to be ep 4)

Maybe Day 3 night: Robin, Mike go through tunnels to rescue kids (including Derek) from Downtown Hawkins military barracks at night (Maya script leak) *How does Derek end up at the military compound so soon after the Farm if this is here (unless he goes with them? weird)...I cannot figure this one out...

(approx. ep 4 / 5 break) 

Days 4-???

Hospital

Robin (outfit #2) follows ambulance to Hospital, driving Joyce’s car with Lucas (WSQK sweatshirt). They’re being pursued by the military and the yellow Beetle drives behind them (daytime). Blue and yellow bikes are parked outside (pap video, pap video, video 2, video 3)

The hospital is evacuated and lights flicker. The employees stand outside (pap video, video 2, photos)

*Nancy’s double (in candy striper outfit) might be there but Robin in her Farm outfit and Lucas in the WSQK sweatshirt make me think if that is Nancy and not another candy striper with similar hair, that may be for a different, ep2-ish scene? But IDK. (pap video, pap photo of the Wheeler station wagon on set)

(approx. ep 5 / 6 break) 

Hospital interior: Lucas, Demogorgon or creature SFX stand-ins (Shawn Instagram)

Various ep 6 locations

Radio Station interior: Lucas, Joyce, Robin, Dustin, El (Shawn Instagram 1, Shawn Instagram 2, Shawn Instagram 3) *Dustin and El both seemingly here is extremely confusing to me. I kinda don't know what to do with this one

High School exteriors/the track, maybe at dusk (Shawn Instagram 2)

During the day, Murray is outside in his Bradley’s jacket, talking into a radio (Shawn Instagram)

Mike (in his second outfit) is at Hopper’s Cabin, maybe during the day (Shawn Instagram)

First Baptist Church (UD)

Night shoots at the vine-covered First Baptist Church: Vecna, Hopper, El, Linda Hamilton, military, Nancy, Steve, Jonathan, maybe Dustin all reported to be on set but no pics of anyone except Hopper AFAIK. Will rumored during a separate, later shoot (pap reports, filming rumors)

An old timey car at the church set indicates a likely Vecna flashback (pap photos)

Steve’s car arrives at the Church (pap video)

Hopper drives the military humvee to the Church (pap photo, video)

See Part 2 here!

[acquiescest]

I'm freaking out someone pleaseeeee summarize the lore of the relationship between these two because I'm losing my mind

welcome to the insanity, friend! there's too much lore to summarize, you really just have to fully immerse yourself, but i'll try to do a little starter pack thing

start here→ supersonic documentary

some gcest things: loch lomond, lock all the doors/my sister lover trilogy, guess god thinks i'm abel, you jealous, whatever this was, we had sex last night, wonderwall, lovecomedy's post, snickfic's primer.... and the fic everyone's referencing lol

some other documentaries: knebworth 1996 (about their biggest gig), definitely maybe (about their first album), as it was (liam's comeback documentary from 2019, this one's very pr driven, i would suggest watching it after you've dug into the lore a bit), noel chatting with gibson (2023)

there's a bunch of books written about oasis, of note is the one written by their brother. some others by: paolo hewitt (2 books), tony mccarroll, iain robertson

l4e is a forum that has been going a long time and has lots of info. add site:live4ever.proboards.com to your google search 👍

oasis interviews archive has interviews from the 90s and 00s

the oasis subreddit (ugh) is not bad if you're looking for something specific and aren't getting results on l4e. also good for checking out what other fans are saying (youtube comments are great for that too lmao)

and ofc the music: 7 oasis albums (first 2 are the best) and tons of amazing b-sides and demos, 2 albums from beady eye (oasis after noel left), 4 albums from noel gallagher's high flying birds plus a few EPs, and 3 liam gallagher solo albums

and there's various other projects— like liam's album with john squire, and the 3 songs noel co-wrote for the black keys

[impala124]

Bad Buddy Ep 11

My thoughts on Ep 1 | Ep 2 | Ep 3 | Ep 4 | Ep 5 | Ep 6 | Ep 7 | Ep 8 | Ep 9 | Ep 10

Me, at the end of this episode:

Oh, nothing to see here. Just a pair of queer kids running away from home (temporarily?) because their love isn't accepted by their parents.

Okay, where are we now? A zero waste village and a seaside town. Don't tell me we're going back to the architecture volunteer camp town from Ep 6.

They are talking about Uncle Tong. So, they did go back to the camp town from Ep 6.

Junior, their unlicensed couples counselor, is here too!!

My boys clearly didn't plan this trip, and it shows. Thank God for Uncle Tong, who is going to let them stay with him.

Junior doesn't want to leave this little seaside town. I get you, Junior! Boy, do I get you.

"Whoever talks about our parents first loses." Everything's gotta be a competition with these two. I just can't 😂 I mean, given how the last deal (confession) they made ended with both of them winning, I'm looking forward to this.

Pran asking Pat to get his head off his tummy because it's heavy and Pat saying that it's because Pran is always on his mind. Well, Pran, you chose to pine after this boy for years, so deal with this!!

Both of them are hopeless in the kitchen. Pran can at least toast some bread to save his life.

Remember when Pat set the fire alarm off trying to grill some sausages for Pran? yeah.

They'll be eating toasted bread with condensed milk or ketchup until one of them takes some cooking classes.

Junior is clearly the head chef today, with Pran acting as the sous chef, and Pat is just doing his part by not taking part in the cooking.

Their brand of flirting is not kid-friendly, so sir, please calm yourself.

Pran is thinking about his mom while making her special sauce and reminiscing about his time as her assistant in the kitchen. 😭😭😭.

Pat saying, 'We can do anything we want here,' while forcing the guitar into Pran's hands. The parallels between Pran playing the guitar and Pran loving Pat are paralleling.

Who is that uncle with Uncle Tong, and why did he comment on Pran's guitar skills? Is he going to offer Pran a JOB??!!

Pat is definitely one of God's stronger soldiers for allowing Pran to serenade him with company present. I'll leave it there

Junior wants to be like Uncle Tong when he grows up, but his mom wants something 'less tiring' for him. Interesting.

Pat saying, 'Don't believe everything she says. Adults aren't always right', to which Pran can only reply with a noncommittal Hmmm is very telling. Pran, my beloved, What are you thinking??

Junior is running away from his mom. Now, where else can I find boys who are running away from their parents because they too want something else for their kids? No, not here. Okay, I guess I'll have to keep looking.

The conversation between Junior's mom and Pran is something every young adult (at least the Asian ones for sure; can't speak for others) has at least once in their lifetime.

Of course, Pran, my beloved, looks at Junior's mom and thinks of his own.

Junior insists on staying, but his mom wants to take him back as planned. The foreshadowing is so loud with this one that I need to get some earplugs to protect my ears.

Hey, it's the uncle from before, and he's the owner of this bar.

They've clearly reverted to using the BARTER SYSTEM in this town because I've yet to see any money exchange hands.

I've got my theories on Pran looking longingly at the sight of a random guy playing the guitar and commenting that he's great when Pat asks him if he wants to join along. You see, it has everything to do with him feeling UNDESERVING of Pat's love.

I guess Pran wants to finish that unfinished song that he sang for Pat and Junior the other day.

Pat, bestie, what do you mean Uncle Yod (the bar owner, I guess) is offering y'all a permanent job??!! Do you guys have a duration in mind for how long the trip will be? Thank you, Pran, for asking Pat if he wants to stay for a long time.

Oh, Pran just putting the SIM card away after Pat more or less tells him that he, in fact, does want to stay there for some time 😭😭.

Pran, sir, your avoidant behavior is acting up; get it under control.

See, now, I'll be defending Pran wanting to call his mom because Pat informed Pa about his whereabouts, so Pat's family knows that he's okay, which isn't the case with Pran.

Pran's "I don't want to go back now" is very telling with heavy emphasis on the now.

See, relationships aren't easy, and they don't just happen; it takes effort and communication.

Pat is pissed, which he definitely has a right to be.

Now, don't tell me that Pran brought THE SEAWEED SNACK from Ep 6 and offered it to Pat.

He did. Pat, now's the time for payback. I understand that you're mad at Pran, and taking the snack, which is clearly a peace offering, would be giving in, BUT LICK PRAN'S FINGER, damnit. DO IT FOR ME.

Pat didn't give in, bestie; where'd you get that restraint from, and can I borrow it?

'I can be anywhere as long as I have you.' ASDFGHGGF

So, Pat was ready to fold when Pran offered him the snack, so we are kind of in the same boat in the restraint department.

The kiss on the beach is just ADFGSHG. I love their playful kisses, bit the emotional ones just make me go feral.

Now, I'm glad they got to have their first time here, without Pa's bladder interrupting them.

Post-nut clarity is real because they clearly made some decisions, even if they haven't shared them with each other yet.

Okay, Junior is leaving with his mom.

No, but they actually do look like a pair of dads sending off their son to boarding school before the term begins.

'To be with you for at least one more day... ' Who's chopping the fucking onions over here?!

@starryalpacasstuff I guess this is where the faith you told me to have comes into play. I'll take your word for it, bestie, and persist because I don't think I like where this is headed.

Pran is crying, and I'm not OKAY.

They are leaving the next day??!!

Uncle Tong is the unsung hero of this series, and everyone deserves to have someone like him in their corner.

Reusable tumbler, you say? You, Uncle Tong, are an inspiration!!

Pran serenading Pat with a song he wrote about their love is going to be the death of me.

I'm getting glimpses of Pa & Ink, Korn & Wai together—so my ships are sailing smoothly.

"You might think one man can't change the world. But I want you to know that this world can't change someone like me either"—words to live by, especially in these trying times.

'Have you ever pictured what it'd be like if our families weren't enemies?' I'm glad you asked, bestie, because I've been thinking about it since the day I met y'all. You guys would've been like Ink and Pa.

Fam, let it be on record that Dissaya serving Pat her seafood sauce and them feeding each other before their family broke me irrevocably😭😭😭. She didn't even let Pat give Pran some admin documents irl.

Let's go home & Good luck, buddy with tears in their eyes.

I don't know why I'm this affected because this was the only plausible outcome. But this shit still hurts. It's a good thing I planned ahead and can just dive into the next episode now.

The whole sequence of Pat throwing away the SIM card by saying that no one can bother them now, encouraging Pran to do the same by dangling the possibility of freedom in front of him, and Pran following through and Pat revealing that he just pretended to throw it away, which makes Pran reveal that he too didn't throw away the card because he knows Pat just screams foreshadowing with throwing away the SIM cards being a metaphor for severing ties with their parents. Pat is a filial son, to his own detriment at times, and Pran knows it.

Pran's "Being with you already feels like freedom" to Pat & his "Is it even my job to be responsible for your feelings?" to his mom are very interesting, to say the least. There is a lot of emphasis being put on Pran and his desire for freedom. Me thinks Pran is ready to stop letting others, especially his mom, make decisions for him.

They doubled down on the whole 'familial rivalry being an allegory to homophobia' thing in the episode with

Run away to a place where there's only us. Do you think they'll allow it? Our parents won't. But some people might. We like each other. Why does it bother anyone?

Tagging the usual suspects: @shortpplfedup, @incandescentflower, @starryalpacasstuff, @7nessasaryevils, @greenteadumplings, @grapejuicegay, @madworld-bbs, @usodeshou, @tao-moonb, @fanatic-freakshow @desi-yearning. If anyone wishes to be tagged in the future, let me know.

[invisiblegarters]

The Heart Killers Ep 3

I won't lie, I was planning to approach this episode with a lot of trepidation (and the tags with even more than that if what I thought was gonna happen happened, if I'm honest). but a soul who is far kinder than I think I would be eased my mind on the first thing. The second I'm still nervy about but well. I want gifs so I'll have to brave it at some point I'm sure.

But before that, let's get into this episode with bells on baby. Give me Fadel's tragic backstory and give it to me now.

Previously: Style was annoying af but also hot and we learned Fadel is not immune to that. Bison and Kant played more games and I was floored by how ruthless Kant actually was (and I haven't seen anything yet whee).

Now: Well we know this woman is evil because she's dressed in all red.

HI PEPPER. HI JJ I didn't know you were in this.

Oh she's really good at that dead eyed I will end your life stare. Good for her.

GIVE ONE OF THE Js A BL ALREADY.

Yeah you know what lady I don't believe you. Bison you little dumbass Fadel told you he'd ask. JFC kid.

Bison is literally the only one in that room who doesn't get that this woman is kind of the devil isn't he? How sheltered has Fadel kept him really? I do love a devious, evil woman though.

PFFFT Style babe please don't talk about who is the type to listen to heavy metal wearing that shirt.

"I can have a good time all by myself" Yeeeah you can.

Fadel if you actually follow him I will lose all hope for you.

One thing I will say, I think Style definitely is one of those people who can make himself fit in anywhere by sheer will.

There was a whole moment there when Fadel absolutely thought about choking him again lol but I don't think it was in the fun way that Style was looking for.

Wel that pool conversation was interesting. Both of them lying their asses off. And Bison absolutely did follow him there I'd bet money on it. I still don't think he really gets what's going on (or at least I hope not), but that meeting was too coincidental to be coincidental. Bison literally showed up to deliver that little warning and bounce. I really don't love the idea that he's hip to what Kant's pulling yet - it annoys me in a very specific way that all "oh this character is so smart and plays 4D chess in his sleep" stuff annoys me, but also, I just like it better if he starts falling before he really starts to wonder if Kant might be on to something. That he's going to choose to ignore the signs at some point feels like a given right now, but personally I'd prefer Bison a little naive for a bit (and it would fit with what happened earlier in the ep with Mother Lilly).

Then again, if Kant insists on meeting his Captain friend literally five seconds after chatting with Bison maybe he deserves Bison knowing the entire time. JFC dude this is almost as bad as you meeting the dude you paid to get a bowling ball dropped on his foot in a parking structure two seconds after Bison leaves your sight.

Can no one do these things right.

Oh Captain Christ followed him too. Man Kant is popular today.

Captain Christ doesn't give two shits if Style gets himself hurt lol he's only asking because he wants to know how much damage control he might have to do later. People keep talking about how Kant siccing Style on a literal murderer is wild and it totally is, but I do think that it is also a case of what Style doesn't know can't get him killed. I really don't think Kant wants or expects anything to actually happen, he just wants Style to distract Fadel for a bit so he can work on Bison. Hard to get in already, even harder with a scowling big brother dogging your every single move.

So Captain Christ and Kant have totally banged, yes? Bet it was really good but Kant felt a little (or a lot) dirty about it after (still went back for seconds though).

The way that Fadel isn't even trying to drive Style off anymore is kind of hilarious.

"You're not my type" says yet another liar.

So Style absolutely knows that Fadel wants to bang him like a screen door right? Yes, yes he does and he's gonna poke at it until Fadel explodes from frustration. He is so ridiculous.

Put the grandma glasses on Kant. Put them on.

He's not gonna put them on is he? All my dreams are now dust. Jojo you're on notice.

Hm. I'm going to have to think some about this before I really talk about it. All I'll say is Kant you fucking dumbass this is not the kind of thing you do when YOU don't trust someone 100% and I know you don't you loser.

Fadel babe Style is not gonna guess you're an assassin and even if he does it won't be seriously calm down.

OH MY GOD KANT STOP YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOUR GLASSES THEY'RE JUDGING YOU ALMOST AS HARD AS I AM.

Lol okay I know this is an unserious show but if one more person does some sort of shady shit right out in the open I'm gonna lose it.

And here it is. The tragic backstory, delivered by a smirking Pepper. Pepper I hate your bangs but I am kinda getting a kick out of how much enjoyment you're getting out of rubbing Fadel's mistakes in his face.

Or well. "Mistakes," I'm sure.

Oh no please not back to these two dumbasses I can't.

Bison baby he doesn't even know what a safe word is (unless he's putting that on so that he can make Bison explain it to him but I dunno he does seem to not get it) please put an end to this farce.

(spoiler: he is absolutely not going to put an end to this farce)

Here's the thing though. I don't actually think that Kant would hate this if it really were coming about organically? But one, right now it's a job that he's getting through, not something he actively wants. And two, he does not trust this man. Right now Kant is sailing through this with sheer balls and not much else. And it kind of makes me wince a little when we have Bison trying so hard to make sure it's consensual and that Kant's not pushing himself.

Hahaha now they aren't even safe from Fadel in Kant's tattoo parlor why is this so funny to me that man is everywhere. He sewed a tracker into the hems of Bison's pants didn't he.

Lie better Bison.

"Gimme a sec Bison I've gotta threaten your not boyfriend again I don't think he heard me the first time."

Kant is such a shit I swear.

Oh Fadel. I just love him so much.

Well Bison called this one. Good for him. Dark and brooding indeed.

Oh this should be fun. I would have thought that -

*Joong starts dancing, head empties*

Style: oh, he's hot.

Buddy where have you been.

Also ah, so Bison's drugging the secretary's drink then. Interesting tactic, that (but also low key cackling because well I know what's coming).

Style babe I like the way you think.

Hahaha of course he learned it from Magic Mike Jojo I love you you're back off notice for the glasses.

Actually though this is kind of perfect because to Style it would explain everything if Fadel just leaned into the host thing. Except he might want to show up again and that could turn into a problem. Oh no is Style actually trying to be helpful? Every time he stops being deliberately obnoxious it's pretty much always to be randomly earnest in a disarming sort of way, isn't it? And usually it's when he's trying to help someone, be it doing Kant a solid by telling Bison how down bad for him he is, helping out at the restaurant simply because they're busy and he's there, or offering to find a way to help Fadel out with his financial troubles (that he definitely does not have lol).

And now Fadel is going to kick all of these dude's asses.

What is with all the mouth close ups.

I don't believe for a second that Style didn't believe that Fadel was a host because he needed money. Style I'm liking you a lot right now and I don't think you're dumb but I do think you believe people when they tell you things...until they give you a reason not to, that is. Such as beating the everloving shit out of three dudes without breaking a sweat.

I say again, Kant is such a shit. Like he knows Fadel can kill him, he was genuinely worried he was gonna do something to him earlier, and he's still acting like a bit of a dick to the man's face. I swear, this dude is either great at compartmentalization or he has a death wish.

Or both.

You know, I'm gonna miss the running gag of Fadel interrupting these two every time they start to have a moment.

Oh no I am way too invested in Fadel because all I needed was the tiniest little flash of him being so happy with his past lover and I got all teary.

YES he's scared he doesn't TRUST you and he doesn't actually LIKE anything you've done so far.

Style. Style. Style what are you doing Style.

Jfc dude is nothing sacred.

Although to be fair, I don't think he knew what it was a support group for. But still, good god. Maybe back away graciously when you realize what you've walked into? Maybe? Don't' invent a dead dog story and fake sob about it these people are grieving holy shit Style.

Okay that bartender sucks what. Why would you make those drinks.

Oh look more drugs they really are made for each other.

Ha. You can just tell that Fadel thinks fucking Style is gonna get him out of his system. Ever look at a man and think wow honey you are so wrong that it's both hilarious and a little sad? Yeah.

Pffft Style that confidence is gonna get you in trouble.

And you know what? I'm not even mad about it. Play stupid games get a fist to the stomach and a knee to the groin.

Actually Bison has it better than the secretary at least he's not vomiting all over the place.

Oh Kant I see you. And so do the cameras.

Kant give him five minutes before you go snooping jesus.

...you know what I just realized. Bison's "prize" for winning the bet still assumed that Kant would be coming home with him. So there's that. But of course Kant would have still had to drug him because he doesn't want to go home with Bison for sex (kinky or otherwise). He wants to go home with Bison to get his snoop on.

The way that Bison pulled out those ropes was very funny, and when I paused it to laugh I got the best reaction face from Kant:

this is the face of a man who did not properly think this through. Dying. The question is though was Bison too drunk to clock it? Although...hm. Would it matter if he had? Maybe more on that later.

The music is hilarious what even.

"I have been waiting to have fun like this with someone for so long," he says. Yes honey we know you literally have your bed prepped for it even though you just said you've never taken anyone home (and unlike some of the other shit that comes out of his mouth, this I believe. Mostly because Fadel would do a murder).

Why is this cracking me up is it supposed to? It's First's fault entirely.

Because this is what Kant's mouth is saying: "I'm Kant. I'm a tattoo artist who loves adorable guys." What his eyeballs are saying is "I'm a fucking moron who is gonna get whipped to within an inch of his life and have to ask for more," and it shouldn't be funny, the underpinnings of why this is happening are absolutely NOT funny, but the music and the faces are taking it there. I'm kinda grateful tbh because it could have gone really dark instead and I kinda love this dark comedy tone the show has going on let's not ruin it.

Well Kant you said you liked being slapped.

He was totally enjoying himself at the end there. Getting into it big time. See the thing with him is he strikes me as the kind of guy who actually wouldn't mind trying something like this out in a normal setting, and he might even like it, but the problem here is that he doesn't feel like he's allowed to say where his limits are because due to what he has to do for Captain Christ, his limits have to go as far as Bison's. Even if he's not comfortable with it. And his limits might even be as far as Bison's! It just doesn't matter.

Add that to the fact that he knows damn good and well that the dude squirming in his lap and getting off on hurting him a little could easily kill him. Has killed. Will probably kill again while he takes his sweet ass time investigating. So he's unable to have real limits while dealing with a man he doesn't actually trust who could very well kill him if he slips up.

Fun.

...okay but did Fadel kill his ex lover because his mom told him he was a traitor or was working against them? That's how I'd write it but also I like angst and drama way way way too much.

This episode had a lot, and I have a lot of thoughts. and I don't now how coherent I will be in them but here we go I guess.

I like that everyone kind of sucks - I was worried that we'd have a situation where at least one of these guys is an innocent baby but we're not getting that at all. Even Style, arguably the most innocent of them all, is a jerk. This is fine and honestly kind of exactly what I want from this show. I'm invested in no one save Fadel but that makes it a lot easier to just enjoy what I'm getting.

Kant continues to fascinate me. I'm still so wary of what will happen to his character but man, right now I'm loving how ruthless he's being. I know I keep saying that but I don't even care this guy is a dick.

But also, this isn't his first rodeo, is it? While I'm utterly certain he's expendable to Captain Christ he's used him for dangerous jobs before and if all goes well here will probably continue to do so in future.

I really can't wait to see how he falls into his own trap. Just please bl jesus let him stay competent and ruthless. He can turn that ruthlessness in another direction, you know, he doesn't have to lose it just because he falls in love.

This was the first episode where I looked at Bison and went, "oh honey," which I was surprised by. It wasn't the drugging and it wasn't the tattoo shop stuff or even the stuff after the bar. Nope. What got me was his delighted little smile when Kant said he was helping him clean around the restaurant to prove himself to Fadel. That was the first time I looked at him and thought "oh this really is gonna hurt."

I truly don't know if I buy that he's actually given Kant his heart next ep - as I already said this was also the first ep that he did something that had my eyebrows going up a little so I'm side eyeing him a little right now - but he's definitely in this a little too deep. How could he help it though, when Kant's there working so hard at every turn to please him and trying to prove himself to his big brother and is even game to try this new kinky thing that is actually pretty important to him? And here is why I think that even if Bison clocked that Kant's apprehensive at best about this pain stuff, it might actually work in Kant's favor.

Because as far as we know, Bison doesn't know that Kant is basically being coerced into this whether he likes it or not, all it looks like from someone on the outside is him trying to please Bison. That's heady stuff, especially for someone who likes being in control as much as Bison does.

And I'm really starting to think that Fadel has kept Bison from knowing a LOT. Because some of the stuff he said with Mother Lilly was just jarring. I'd understand it if she coddled him but she doesn't, not really. And yet he's the only one who doesn't seem to understand to tread carefully with her. It's weird.

Which brings me to Fadel, literally the only character that I am emotionally invested in and who I am just so in love with I can barely handle it. Honestly though this tracks for me, since Kat was the only character I really cared about in 10 Things.

Joong is just playing him so well, he's killing me a little bit. He plays so stern but oh, there are already cracks aren't there. Mostly with Bison - it was only a matter of time before he cracked and let him have what he wanted, not because of Style but because he does want Bison to be happy, and as much has he chides him for being naive and trusting he has clearly worked hard to make it so that Bison can be that way. In spite of everything.

And this lover he used to have that he was going to leave everything for. I'm assuming he's dead or that he were disappeared by Mother Lilly, and there are different ways they could play this but my two favorites are as follows:

Mother Lilly lied about BF being some sort of traitor after either disposing of him herself OR she made Fadel do it/Fadel was so mad he went and did it himself.

He was actively working for someone, either a rival or even the police, and Fadel found out and disappeared him / told Mother Lilly and let her handle it. Or Mother Lilly was the one who told him.

Mother Lilly discovering (or "discovering") that BF was set to betray Fadel would go a long way towards explaining his devotion to the job and his unwillingness to go against her - he might not like it himself but maybe he feels like he owes her?

Also, number 2 would fit in with 10 Things and the Joey plot - Fadel warning Bison about Kant because he has been there before but also not telling Bison the real reason why and Bison just thinking he's being a paranoid weirdo. It wouldn't be a perfect 1:1 because Bianca was over Joey pretty fast lol but it'd be close enough, plus I kind of love that kind of parallel (except I guess in Bison's case loverboy accidentally does the job so well he actually falls in love. Also no killing of the Kant Bison he's too pretty to die).

Maybe we'll get fed a little more info next week, eh?

[danwhobrowses]

So a thing happened on Critical Role this week (campaign 3 ep 91), we're gonna talk about it - a long talk - so if you haven't been caught up and don't wanna be spoiled don't keep reading okay?

One of the disadvantages of being in a different time zone is that after fretting all morning, going to work, thinking 'it's 7am maybe it's done now' I had to sit in my office for a stressful final half hour murmuring don't do this don't fucking do this don't you dare fucking do this!

I already was worried for everyone given the cliffhanger last episode, and the 5 hour length made me further worried as players kept being knocked down by Otohan Thull - already frightening in base form but now with an even higher AC and empowered. Then Sam Riegel had to do what he does best, a devastating sacrifice where FCG blows himself up to take down Otohan - Ludinus' No. 2, harrowed for being proficient in slaughter, defeated by no assassin or warrior but a cleric saving their friends. We've been well past 'get off the moon' hours with this one, but now there is an impact on every one of the Hells to think about, which is what this will be about.

FCG Though he is dead there is still stuff to talk about with FCG's death. A common debate right now is the potential of the Reincarnate spell; while the wording of the death implies that FCG's current body is irreparable there is a chance that a 5th Level Druid Spell can fashion him a new body, one of flesh, bone and tongue. The body itself needs to be dead for less than 10 days so there is wiggle room to gain the necessary components too if the top brass of Exandria turn it into a fetch quest. There is argument on both sides though; if FCG comes back does it undermine his sacrifice? Perhaps, but there's no incentive for the Hells to not try. Reincarnation hasn't quite happened in Critical Role yet - Since Molly/Lucien/Kingsley was kinda different, he kinda had the opposite, different mind same body - so it'd be a refreshing new option and also a way to redesign FCG without having to create a whole new cleric (because they definitely need a cleric) with a whole new skillset that the Hells will need to warm towards before the final battle. But at the same time, the soul has to be willing. FCG was content with his sacrifice, and in the arms of the Changebringer would he go back? I'd like to hope so if it's an option, it'd also entertain a whole new character arc for him as a 'real boy' - plus Matt and Sam don't have to fully abide to the D100 rule of what race he turns into. Of course, I like this angle more than needing a new character, because I like happy endings and it makes narrative sense that the Hells would claw and bite to pull him from that sweet goodnight. It would also validate a reason for the Hells to align with the gods, because if divine favour comes into play and the Gods decide against helping Bell's Hells' greatest advocate for saving them then they are foolishly and callously forsaking key players to their survival, FCG reincarnating with the help of the Gods would play a big part in the Hells standing with them rather than losing faith in them, and even with friction between the Titans & Temults and the Gods from the past they would have a common enemy. Still living or dying can have varying effects on the other characters.

Ashton From the moment Ashton met FCG they wanted to make sure this little bot would be okay, that they'd learn to value their life and be able to thrive. While part of that did happen, Ashton is likely going to feel like nothing's changed since Bassuras; knocked out by Otohan and when awakened a friend is dead, another person they couldn't protect.

Before the shard, I think Ashton would very easily fly off the handle, in their anger they'd blame everything including themselves and maybe even consider leaving themselves, it probably have made them more self-destructive too. Now though I'm not so sure, nobody would hold it against them to waver a little on their promise to take care of themselves in a burst of grief, this was after all their best friend someone they looked after like a little brother, and while I can see Ashton quietly and angrily grieving I can also see Ashton double down on trying to keep their promise, making sure that FCG didn't go out like a martyr and that it won't be in vain. FCG reincarnating would assist in Ashton's character drive too, since I feel like they would detest any replacement cleric because it's not FCG, they may also be less abrasive towards the gods if they came through for them and proved that they care - at least to the Changebringer, think they'd still throw copper at the Dawnfather given the whole Angel incident.

Imogen As the nominated leader of Bell's Hells, many will probably look to Imogen Temult for action, the problem is she has her own mother issues to deal with too - and I'm not entirely sold that Liliana has fully made a turn just yet, only that she won't hand over the Hells to Ludinus. FCG's death is gonna produce a lot of guilt from Imogen though, she was detesting the fact that she had to play dead at 1HP while Otohan cut down her friends again, she will likely blame her inaction which in turn may push her to be more aggressive in combat.

At the same time, I can see her being one of the more gung ho characters to push towards the Reincarnate option, perhaps even going as far as to accost or lambast anyone regardless of alliances or rank who she feels isn't as committed. Imogen has been in the position of loss before, and knowing that FCG had a connection with FRIDA she would likely compel herself to fix it rather than have to deliver the bad news. Regardless of whether he reincarnates though I feel like Imogen may look towards some more defensive spells, and maybe through Liliana try to tap into the powers of an Exalted to try and match the power she saw from Otohan, a risky endeavour for sure but FCG took an even greater risk for them.

Orym Orym is probably the toughest of the Hells to read when it comes to FCG's death. There will of course be a deep sadness at the loss of a friend, but I would also sense a...not bitterness but discontent that this is how it went down. Otohan killed his family, he kept fighting her until he could no longer stand because that's what they would've done, and now she's dead but it doesn't make it better, he wasn't the one to do it, he didn't even see it, and the one who did is gone with her. When Bor'dor was killed, Orym coldly reminded himself that 'we're at war', but I don't think he can justify that way with FCG, the loss was greater than the catharsis.

The death also has to turn attention to his deal with Nanna Mori. Many have pointed out that there is a lot of technicalities that may prolong, void or complete the deal; it was never specified how many times the Hells could return from the moon to continue the deal, but at the same time they did technically return from the moon to Exandria safe and sound via the Secret Backdoor. Still, Mori is his best friend's grandmother, there could be leeway on that matter too and even if he does have to commit to the deal (which I call 'Fatekeeper Orym') it's never been explicitly said that Orym needs to constantly attend to Mori in the Feywild, only that he has to be her caretaker and answer her beck and call. However, FCG's death will likely provide a sobering thought that his deal with Mori was perhaps voided, unless there is one more thread he can have her pull. When it comes to seeking options to bring a friend back, I would keep a close eye on Orym - it's not the first time Liam's resolved himself to be damned before.

Fearne Fearne will likely be a linchpin if the Hells seek out Reincarnate. The spell is exclusive to Druids and if Keyleth isn't on hand to do it the task and pressure will fall to her. It'll be interesting how she reacts, I don't wanna say she'll be the most positive of it because she'll certainly be upset, but I can see her being optimistic even if it's to also convince herself, the one who is most encouraging to find a way. As a shipper I of course want her to be the one who comforts and gets through to Ashton while they grieve but if she also is key to his reincarnation that also adds to their slow-burn. Outside of that, FCG's death may also lead into learning about Mori's deal with Orym, which will probably anger her that Orym kept it from her, there is also the fact that having FCG's life in her hands may bring back bad memories of Bassuras and Whitestone. One must also especially worry about her Asmodeus calling card, the Prince of Lies does nothing for free and I still feel like Klask was planted in her path by Asmodeus' (and maybe even Athion's) titan-seeking design.

If FCG does reincarnate though, I could see her friendship with FCG being even greater than it was, since they'll both feel a greater zeal for life - it may also make her feel further distant from her Evil vision, since she will have saved half her friends rather than risked killing them. If not though, Fearne may have to play mediator for the new cleric and may also be pushed towards freeing up more slots for healing to provide more support for the Hells in future battles.

Chetney It's gonna be an interesting one for Chetney too, from one perspective you could see him thinking that FCG traded their life for his; he died, he made peace with that, but then the one who revived him died. Chetney's more personal mindset has often been cloaked in secrecy, perhaps as one of the least open of the Hells despite many claiming him as the Heart of the group, so I wonder if Chetney may harbour some Survivor's Guilt for what happened.

I can see Chetney being the one to keep his emotions close to his chest, even if FCG were to reincarnate he would perhaps try to shrug off that he always knew it'd happen anyway. That being said someone who remains stoic and unwavering may prove a positive or a negative to the group, depending on the person or their interpretation of it. If a new cleric comes along though I could see him being additionally protective of them, having been the new guy before.

Laudna We should all be worried for Laudna right now. The recent 4SD already revealed that Laudna's 'close to the brink' and I'm pretty sure this is the brink. The aftermath of the Otohan fight will likely push each of the Hells to get stronger, since had they hit harder or been able to take stronger blows it wouldn't have come to this, but that will mean bad things when it comes to Laudna, as she may seek to gain power the only way she thinks she can - through Delilah. After all her last two levels went to Sorcery and did little in the fight, whereas her Warlock class Eldritch Blasts hurt Otohan fairly decently, such a thing can linger in the mind for Delilah to manipulate.

It'll be telling if they do try to Reincarnate him whether the damage will have been done already to Laudna, and that the joy of bringing him back turns to tragedy of Laudna losing herself further, as it often does it will fall to how she leans on Imogen, and how open about it she'll be to her. If FCG is lost however, we may have to keep a very close eye on Laudna being next.

Bell's Hells As I mentioned with Laudna, FCG's death will have made something apparent and clear; despite everything Bell's Hells need to get stronger. Even at Lv13, even with Exalted powers, Fey bargains and Titan shards they still just barely escaped a TPK, and granted they were weakened and worn out but no fight is guaranteed to ever be fought at 100%. Otohan may've been the toughest General of the Vanguard but the other Generals - the Weavemind, Zathuda and the Dominon of Cruft Commander - are still not ones to take lightly, Ludinus is still not one to take lightly, and if Liliana is going to be used by him to become a vessel for Predathos, that cannot be taken lightly. Bell's Hells may need to look towards enhancing their stats as well as their equipment, the harness is still a factor too which can boost them all with enough enchanted items at their disposal. An interesting one would be if Otohan's backpack ends up in one of the Hells' hands; many beforehand have talked about Orym being an Echo Knight but I would personally like to see Ashton take it, since it is powered by the Potion of Possibility like their own Dunamancy powers, it's possible (eheh) that they may align in some manner and could you imagine Ashton + 3 Echoes all raging to get All 4 Dunamancies? Otohan's swords may also provide unique properties for Chetney and/or Orym to use. Reincarnation or not I feel like that may be the Hells' next plan once it's discussed whether to attempt Reincarnation and they're off of Ruidus, gathering allies will likely also be something to prepare for for the final battle given how Otohan stated that they have 'enough Ruidusborns' for their plan. As a group it is difficult to tell if this will strengthen or weaken them, it could strengthen them in a 'never again' way like the Nein, but they were also very enthusiastic about bringing Molly back - it drove them through several arcs - FCG however often was the Hells' beacon of hope and the self-imposed attempted therapist, without that the Hells will either have to put it upon themselves to go the extra lengths or they'll close further in on themselves. If FCG does reincarnate I feel like it would definitely strengthen them mentally but if not I am not so sure.

It shouldn't come to a surprise that I will hold onto the Reincarnate potential so that the Hells can get back their friend, but rest assured I'm worried for all of them right now, there are crossroads ahead.

[lover-of-mine]

Losing my mind over this: https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/765342377422487552/do-not-take-ibuprofen-by-mouth-or-apply-it-to?source=share

Bc like ever since the ep ended and I'm like; Buck as he was super hyper-fixated (happens all the time my ADHDer ass should know lol) on the billy boil didn't even register half of what T said ATM so he probably popped the Ibuprofen right into his mouth without rechecking, assuming that T would have automatically given him the right meds. So even after Eddie checked him over the next day the fact that he might have taken something he should have wouldn't have connected the two.

Eddie, under an incredible amount of stress with Chris gone, sorta project that into the situation

While Buck didn't even realize he triggered his allergies bc he wasn't paying enough to what was literally in his hand bc he was distracting by a new shine thing/mystery/hyperfaxtion

....Like there's a thread here but I'm not sure if the show is gonna pull it all the way to the end

I'm losing my mind fr

Yeah, like, Buck is distracted and he wouldn't have noticed, and there's also a level of trust there, even more considering Buck is surrounded by first responders at all times and there's a chance he's just used to not having to worry about it, so he didn't think to worry. And Eddie would assume if Buck is not thinking about his own allergies that he knows he didn't take something he knows he's allergic to. And also, that Tommy knows not to give a NSAID to his allergic to naproxen boyfriend. I will say that there is a high chance this is a coincidence, but I was talking to Kym about it before she found the Buck Begins scene, and well, while I feel like I'm giving the show too much credit, this is something referenced in 3 different Buck centric episodes which is something. Especially along with the amount of allergy calls they had this season. This is probably something that won't come back, but it is an explanation for the boils that's not "curse" which could mean it is something they did intentionally as yet another way to show that Tommy doesn't know Buck, since there were many of those in the episode. It is incorporated to my personal beliefs that it was intentional because it makes sense to me and I don't like that there was no explanation for the boils.

[tryinghardtobeoptimistic]

Might get spoiled so click at your own risk

Okay, this preview [X] makes everything clearer now

Just my takes if you will 😉 Spoiler ahead Spoiler ahead Spoiler ahead (just basing on all the previews I've seen)

This somehow put my heart at ease that atleast for our Gentlebeard/Blackbonnet will have a happy ending together as couple. Everything is in the episode description.

Episode 6 is pretty much that party on the boat. So my take too is wedding or pre-wedding party for Lucius and Black Pete. Then we have Ned Low crashing the party, torture involves. According to the preview - "they look to Blackbeard/Ed for the assist only to find Stede is more readily available", so it seems that Stede will be the one saving the day. I also think yes they will bang cause of those pics in bed ;) (and that's just right after the party crashing cause Stede's wound is already healed/healing)

Episode 7, preview says:

I think towards the end, Ed and Stede will somehow choose to separate for a while to clear their heads off and really think what they want (Ed wanting to retire while Stede continue the piracy). Hence the dress down of Ed. Maybe ep will end in a cliffhanger while the 2 are separated, British navy will attack the Republic of Pirates.

Now for the final ep, what makes me kinda sure they will be together (which will happen in the beginning) is this scene where they were fighting the British navy and running towards each other. You can see the expression of Stede here, like he doesn't want to lose Ed again, never ever and vise versa. Also a lot of touching happening. I felt like they decided they don't ever wanna let go. Then just based on the preview again, everyone will team up and eventually win. As for Izzy, not quite sure if he got abducted or he's making a fuckery. And no I don't believe he will die.

And I don't know but trust OFMD writers, I just know they are on our side, they won't give us everything we wanted and take it all in the end (fcking shame on me if they did tho 💔 Also if I'm not mistaken David said that he prepared an ending which is pretty much satisfying just in case they won't get a Season 3 renewal.

So that's it :) I've never really written a fanfic but everything is running in my mind.

[fountainpenguin]

Watched Scott's and Scar's Secret Life Ep 2. POVs, cracking up specifically at:

Scott inviting Impulse and Gem to set their spawn in his bed... He does give them their own beds later, though I'm not sure they'll set their spawn there, but it made me think that a triple kill would have sent them all crashing down on that one bed and it's funny to me. I better see snuggle 'fics come out of this /lh

Scott really did make some pretty pink farms. Impulse is being a good sport even though it's not his aesthetic, ha ha

"I just came over here to see what was happening and Ieft with a g'apple! I'm having a great time!"

5-star review for the saloon

Scott and Bdubs catching up like fast friends and getting excited when they found out their secret tasks were "Start conversations and leave them without saying anything" and "Tell a boring story to get someone to leave in the middle."

"You just punched a man who's not even logged in!"

Scar walking out on Tango and Skizz while they flirt with him is way funnier in Scar's POV because he just straight-up jump cuts because he was oblivious and didn't care.

Then later he comes trotting back because "Skizz and Tango want to show me something that apparently they tried to show me while I was over there and I just wandered off aimlessly?"

Skizz: "We don't want to be your alliance... We want to be your family! This just hurts!"

Scar: "I'm just reluctant to make full-on commitments!"

I enjoy the mental image of Grian and Scar both trying to give each other golden apples in exchange for hearts and then being confused. Basically "Wait, you want ME to be the vulnerable and open one here? Absolutely not." Love that for them.

Grian: "I'm not gifting you the heart. I'm saving it for someone special."

Grian, still complaining about hearts: "It doesn't cost you anything!"

Grian after receiving a heart from Scar: "I already gave away the cactus." / Scar, about .5 seconds from losing his entire mind: "..."

I appreciate how Scar's idea of torture is that he's specifically going to become a courthouse judge and sentence people to be thrown on a cactus considering how. yknow. His 3rd Life permadeath.

Martyn, charging towards Scar only to skid to a halt and back away muttering to himself, "Is my math good or bad?" in reference to Cleo yelling at him that he was "bad at math" when he killed them both in Double Life by punching her off a cliff <3

[killerandhealerqueen]

Hello....Do you mind if I ask your top 5 (or top 10) favorite moments from any media that you love (books, anime/manga, tv series, movies, games, etc)? Thanks if you want to answer. Sorry if I ask too much....

No, no, not at all! And oh boy....top 5 favorite moments...ha...okay. This is gonna be very hard, but I'm gonna do my best. Most of these will be from Killer and Healer because I am unwell and unhinged about them

The scene in ep. 12 of Killer and Healer when Jiang Yuelou saves Chen Yuzhi from Jin Dacheng's torture and he looks like he's about to rip out the man's throat

I do love me a good attack dog

2. The scene in ep. 8 where Jiang Yuelou takes care of Chen Yuzhi after he collapses in the rain

3. The scene in ep. 16 where Jiang Yuelou saves Chen Yuzhi from Lao Hu (and then when Chen Yuzhi stops Jiang Yuelou from shooting Wang Meng)

4. The scene in ep. 11 where Zhan Junbai fucking loses his shit and slaughters the two tailors after Yu Tangchun stepped in and took the attack meant for him

5. The hug in ep. 35. I fucking SOBBED when they reunited

Plus the head scritch

Bonus: The moment Jiang Yuelou grabs Chen Yuzhi's face in the deleted scene in the warehouse...good shit

Never gonna be normal about these two, honestly

[miss0atae]

Random Thoughts about Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo (EP 1 - 2):

I'm so glad I took the time to watch these two first episodes now because I could really enjoy them. At first, I was a bit sad I missed all the fun that you can get when you're watching the episodes as they come out. I kind of have a bit of fear of missing something important when I'm watching a series later. Turns out sometimes it's better to wait because you can really take the time to appreciate the story.

It's been a while I didn't enjoy a Korean BL. I think the last one was Boys Be Brave! last May. Since then, I didn't find any I could really like. I also think we didn't get that much from Korea. It felt like the coming of new BL series has dried up and Korea didn't want to bring us new interesting BL (according to my own taste of course). Anyway, I watched LFTCOT and I was really impressed. There is this atmosphere you can only find in Korean BL. The setting of the story, in a rural and brutal town, reinforces this feeling.

It's not easy to bring a good setting and to make you care fast for the main characters, but this series did it very well. Do Hoe lives a violent life around his more violent father. You can't be indifferent to his hardships. When we first met the character, he seems like he's made of stone. However, you soon realizes that it's a very fragile armor he is wearing to protect his mind and his heart. There seems to be no ray of sunshine in his life. He has this posture where you feel like he is trying bravely to put up and overcome adversity, but it's like a losing battle. He can only win by leaving this place. There is a sense of hope, an ability to silently endure hardship and suffering in Do Hoe. At the same time, there is also this bitterness, a mixture of angst, endurance and a yearning for more in life.

That's where Ju Yeong's arrival is so crucial and bringing so much more in Do Hoe's life. It's like he opened the curtains that were weighted everything. You see how he get passed the defense mechanisms of Do Hoe and how slowly their relationship change and become deeper. Every time Ju Yeong was smiling, it felts so warm. I guess he is bringing such a contrast in Do Hoe's life. However, even if he has a very charming and cheerful personality, he is also a more complex character. He is not naive and he sees things. I fear a bit for the time where they are both going to drift apart only to reconnect later. How is "the oppressive culture symbolized by Do Hoe's father" going to twist their relationship and how will they find the way of freeing themselves from it ten years after?

I guess we'll get the answer in the coming episodes. As for now, The series did a great job so far in balancing the angst with more happy times. I especially like the "ice-cream" scenes. It feels so Korean BL to have a scene where the main characters share an ice-cream. I can't wait to see what will get in episode 3 and 4.

[jeanralphiosbf]

lore dump!!!

ship: jr² (jean-ralphio x jerome-reyes aka meee)

source: parks and recreation

words: 3k so far but this is still a wip so ,,

2x13 the set up- we meet when he visits the office to apply to be ron's assistant. after ron declines, jean hangs around tom/leslie's office a bit bc he's bored or whatever. i go in to get smth from leslie's part of the office and tom introduces us n we meet 🤝🤝 he's prob instantly intrigued by me bc i look #cool with my dyed hair. and i think he's Just Some Guy DKSNHS. heprobably thinks i'm cute or whateverrrr 🙄🙄

between 2x13 to 2x23 at least two months pass during these episodes so we'd get closer and become friends,,, jean sometimes stopping by initially to see tom and asking if i'm around :3c #eventually we start hanging out a bit outside of.. city hall lol. if i'm at the mall, i'd stop by lady footlocker to see him and annoy him for a bit ^__^ . for the telethon episode, he'd stay up and watch it to support (also partly bc i'm involved w it) and he'd call multiple times to donate and then stays on the line for like 15 minutes so he can talk to me lol

2x23 the master plan - i volunteer to help tom and donna set up april's birthday party at the snakehole lounge. yk jean doesn't rly help w anything wGKSN but he def hangs around me (follows me like a puppy lol) and talks to me (annoys me). during this ep jean's constantly flirting with april (which she only lets slide bc she wants to make andy jealous) but he's not even into her. he's already harboring a crush for me but he feels he might not have a shot with me (there's prob instances where he tries to flirt with me but i'm not picking up on the signals [#autism] and i think he's just joking so i jst awkwardly laugh along and don't think twice abt it. so he thinks i wouldn't be interested-) SO he flirts w her to keep his mind off me idk whateverrr. i find them being together odd but i just shrug it off like Ok. that's a thing i guess. anyways hbd april <3 fsNHS. anywaysanyways whenever he's away from her he's trying to find me (i am easy to find. partly bc dyed hair also i would just be by the bar or hanging awkwardly around ppl i know like a lost child) so we can hang out more. uhmm yeah.

3x7 harvest festival - s3 kicks off close friends era :3c i help set up the harvest festival (naturally), and jean visits once it's all up and running. 40% he comes bc it seems fun then 60% bc he wants to see me (and annoy me) hehe. we're def playing all the games there and having competition's on who's better (anytime i lose i say it's rigged and he laughs) and after i lose a couple times he feels bad and gives me some teddy bear he won to make up for it. we're absolutely going thru that corn maze, i manage to navigate thru it pretty well meanwhile he's of no help (of course) and he just watches me lol. we go on that ferris wheel (i'm internally dying bc hhh close contact makes me crazey so i keep a respectable distance but he loves being close to anyone and doesn't know what personal space is so he unintentionally scoots closer and maybe our knees brush and our shoes touch. but it's whateverr) and when we get to the top he tries to take a picture of the view and succeeds and then he tries to take a selfie of us and nearly drops his phone (i of course laugh at him)

3x9 andy & april's wedding - uhm not much to say here for this ep. jean visits andy n aprils wedding to help tom make a best man speech and they prob consult me on it and i'm just like 'oh wow that's Awful. Please use it' fSHNK and then we're all bummed when tom doesn't get time to say his speech. wish i had more to say for this ep uhh me and him just hang in the kitchen watching the wedding c: when mouse rat starts performing and everyone starts coupling up and dancing he prob drags me to dance with him (i'm the closest person to him it doesn't mean anything) (also he still does this even tho i'm like umm actually lets Not do that 😀-) (i overthink it and get confused bc some ppl are dancing slowly so i'm just . ??? and place my hands on his shoulders and he laughs and is like nooo no not that kind of dancing and i want to explode but he finds it cute)

3x13 the fight (my 2nd fav ep wooo) - i'm sitting w tom at a table and jean comes over to chat. during this ep jean constantly makes raps with ppl's names but just can't end them on a rhyme, so. Obviously. he tries to make one out of my name. he fails miserably and i'm like "....well i do have two first names, so you can try one with 'reyes'. ykno, maybe you can redeem yourself" and he does and fails again and me and tom are like "that's worse... How is that Worse" WKEHSJG. i feel like at some point i'd just be vibing by myself at a booth and he comes over n talks to me. everyone in this ep is so Out There (mainly cus they're drunk lol) and i'm just very To Myself (just in general but esp so at a club. which is not my normal environment-) and he tries to get me to have fun/be outgoing. 100% he drags me to the dancefloor (despite me saying i do not want to do that. also he clarifies he doesn't mean dance as in slow dance and he makes fun of me for trying to slow dance with him that one time but if i wanted to slow dance with him he'd be honored to do so and i'm just like '😐😐🙄🙄 Can you Shut Up. i hate you' but he just finds it funny. he looves annoying me) . also i just realized i would have to not only deal w everyone being drunk (i'm the only sober one along w chris and donna) but i'd have to deal w jean being drunk.. and he's a sad drunk (or at least with snakejuice he is)... g-dwjgsdhj. i'm just sitting at the bar on my phone and he comes up like 'heyyy *insert stupid nickname he makes up for me here* my man hows it going' and we chat which quickly turns into him just randomly discussing abt his parents unhappy marriage and how he's secretly insecure and feels so lonely etc KWGNSJD and then i'm just stuck with him. i'm Uncomfortalbe With Emotions so it's awkward for me but i do comfort him. maybe a timid hand on his back as a sign of support. idk if he'd even remember it bc of how drunk he is but if he does he'd appreciate it. i'd tell donna (who drives everyone who's drunk home) to text me when she gets him home and the next day i'd text him saying i hope he's feeling better. or whatever. omg idc

3x16 li'l sebastian - so during this ep jean tries to convince tom to join him and create entertainment 720 (multimedia conglomerate... they literally do the same stuff as waystar royco, but they don't Actually do it cus they're so bad at their jobs lmao), while also working on the memorial for li'l sebastian together. i would be helping them w the video presentation that happens later that night (i'd also help with smaller stuff for preparing the memorial). tom is off discussing plans with someone else and while jean and i work he talks abt entertainment 720, and how they'd need video editors and suggests i could work w them. i say i'm totally down for it and that it sounds fun and at the end of the episode when they create the company i work there with/for them :3

entertainment 720 time !!!! lowkey best era bc it starts best friendism + mutual pining (i finally like him lol) + has all my frens yay

i already mentioned what the company does a little bit, but basically they create/produce media. except tom and jean are incapable of running a business so they.. immediately kill it within two - maybe three ish months and go bankrupt wHKSNH. anyways, majority of their workload is doing like.. animal memorial videos. tom Actually knows how to edit and he's capable of Working- whereas canonically jean doesn't know a single thing abt editing. which is where i'd come in and give him a 101 on premiere. he absolutely is notttt paying attention, instead just looking at me (like that simmosa scene from superstore) and looking away whenever i glance at him. i set a project up together to show him everything and i let him try it out and he deletes shit on purpose to get on my nerves n whatnot lmao (<- likely end credits scene).

i stay after work a Lotttt. i'm a perfectionist and as soon as i finish one commission i start another (i'll have less to do the next day ok it makes sense <3). anytime i work late, he stays behind bc he doesn't want me to be alone. he also insists on driving me home instead of letting me take an uber ("it's safer!!"). the office is filled with tons of games bc no one there does any work lol- there's sections for golfing, video games/an xbox, pool, etc etc. when it's like 11pm and we're still at the office and he notices i've not taken a break for a while he would literally drag my chair away from my desk so i can either get some rest n take a nap on one of the 800 chairs/couches they have for whatever reason or he drags me to play one of the 30 games the office has with him. we'd play pool where we're both pretty bad at it lol like at best our high scores are 2-3 (either way)- i'm rusty and don't play it often so i'd maybe be struggling trying to remember how to Play The Game but he's like Hey dw i can teach you 😁 and gets behind me and puts his hands on mine and helps me with positioning the first shot while explaining the rules (we prob make up our own rules tho bc. of course) (he absolutely does this to flirt [but i don't catch on]. which frankly he shouldn't be doing since he's my boss wHKSKN he's soo lucky they don't have hr).

i know for a fact they have a x box too we'd aaabsolutely play that during late nights at the office. they'd probably have gta n stuff on there but i Knowww they'd have the Batman: Arkham Asylum and Arkham City games i feel it in my bones (i only say these two bc this season takes place in 2011-2012 and those are the only ones released of the franchise). he/tom prob got them bc they see batman and go 'oh yeah he's pretty cool'… they've probably played like 40 minutes at best bc they're not that good at fighting lol. we turn the system on one day and i scroll thru the library and get jsjldjnsg!!!! over seeing them in there and he's Intrigued and we talk abt it a lil bit and decide to play the games (i play and he commentates) and now that's like a thing we progress on anytime we're the only ones at the office and he Actually gets invested in it. he asks tons of questions abt all the characters n stuff and lets me infodump and finds it cute ghhhhhhh (also mayhaps feels a Lil bit jealous whenever i'm running around in-game to get all of the riddler trophies and infodumping abt eddie and giggling anytime he talks in-game bc i love him and he's my fav hehe)

wait sorta same vein but he'd also see me and ben talking during lunch breaks or smth abt dc or star wars (our shared special interests) and having lengthy discussions abt it and jean notices and also mayyybe feels a bit jealous over that too. so later he googles like Less Know DC Facts n stuff and next time he sees me he Casually drops them in conversation to try to impress me 😭 (he gets some of them wrong tho and i have to kindly be like '…….ok i hate to do this but actually-')

4x6 end of the world (aka my fav ep hehe) - this is the ep where Unfortunately e720 dies wHKSNG, bUT on the bright side it is also the ep where we become canon <3 at some point during the party jean texts lucy (tom's ex) to come to the party and they both reconcile/it's implied they get back together. i feel like after he sort of sets them up he decides he wants to confess to me. edit!: i believe the marching band bit is after the tomlucy stuff.....and during the marching band bit jean wears a pink/black uniform ..which are my favorite colors (and literally my hair color) 🤨🤨he could not be any less subtle (but i'm so oblivious i don't even think twice abt it.. i'm just like oh haha what a coincidence :D).....ok anyways. i'm hiding away in the pirate ship bouncy castle, just like.. in a corner on my phone. vibing. (<- one thing about me is i will be in a corner at a party) he eventually finds me and we just sit together talking. i go on a tangent about thanking him and tom for this opportunity and how fun it was to work w them (even tho they barely worked lmao) and get closer w them and blah blah blah. he's quiet during this but it's not like a bad quiet. like he's just rly listening. when i finally shut up he agrees w like. everything i said and just adds onto it. he says he really enjoyed my company and i'm like yeah :> same here and there's just a silence (tension? 🤔) for a min while we just sit together skhDNG i start to talk abt smth and he just. kisses me. and i'm frozen wsDKH he thinks my reaction is negative so he starts to apologize so i'm like ??!?!?! i'm trying to talk but i can't get the words out (i am v awkward lol) but eventually i do and i'm like "!???! NO NEEd to apologizE!! i mean i uhh i like you. too. so. yeah. There..?!? i mean.. If that kiss meant you like me?? which i hope it does? i mean it'd be kinda weird to do that if you Didn't like me??? do you?-" (bAsically i'm a mess) and he's like ! Yes! and we talk it out and we. start dating. Yeah. (ermmmmmm just had a thought . he asks if he can kiss me again bc that first kiss wasn't a ~real~ kiss and i'm like 'um. i mean Yeah. but like. i don't really know How? to kiss?? well i mean i know How, like i watch movies..but i don't know Howww to kiss?' and he just teaches me how to kiss lmaowgsjhhkn ALL WHILE? IN A BOUNCY CASLTE THAT ANYONE CAN WALK IN ON. THAT ALSO HAS WINDOWS LMAOSGJNHok anyways. um. he teaches me and we're laughing and giddy . and we kiss. like for reals. ummm and he's like i wanted to do that for a whilewrkhnjhlICNAT ICANT DO THISim done goodbye oh my g-d)

ummmm during the rest of s4 we're secretly dating. i do have some lore for some eps post-getting-together but iiii don't feel like properly writing them down so. another day <3

i don't know Where but somewhere in season 5 we become public. no one is surprised wKHDNS except like.. ann and leslie. they're surprised for sure. esp leslie like it takes a whileeee for them to warm up to us together wlgdjhn

7x11 two funerals - ik this is like. a huge jump episode wise lol but i'll get around to writing lore for previous episodes at another point. anyways, s7 starts with a time jump, it's now 2017. which means in-universe, we've been together forrr six to seven ish years. during this ep tom's trying to figure out how to propose to lucy who's visiting pawnee again, and one of his ideas is to make a lil action movie short. he goes to a jewelry shop and shoots it. tom, leslie and jean are all in it while i'm the cameraman. during it tom's like.. this hero and jean's some villain and he has henchmen lol and they all fight. during it jean gets injured and gets.. slammed through a glass container with jewelry in it and hurts his back 😭 the afterward's not shown but i'd make sure he's alright and soothe him 3:

later during the ep tom decides to propose to lucy at the snakehole lounge, and jean and leslie are there trying to hype him up. i'm not in this scene but it's still important lore wise- jean and leslie watch the proposal from afar and talk abt how sweet it was. at this point, since we've been together for so long, jean's been thinking about getting me a promise ring. he tells leslie about it, thinking this is the best moment to bring it up. their relationship togethers been rocky since at first she really couldn't stand him lol but she grew to like him and think he's good for me. jean basically gushes abt me and it's rly sweet. he prob shows leslie the various rings he was thinking abt hehe (he settles on matching ones like these. i have the black one and he has the silver one :3c)

that's all i've got for now :D

[kushanna]

episode 3 banquet of the golden witch finished episode 4 alliance of the golden let's gooooooooo

thoughts and confusion under the cut

the thing that bugs me is that i still don't know what to DO. as in idk how to go about this and idk what it is i have to 'solve'... folks talk as if there is a single (1) mystery canon i have to try and solve ???? my dear there are literally three different versions of events so far ???? still very unsure what this all adds up to... is this a case where there are 'truths' in every version... and i have to find them and add them as they come...? if that makes sense... every different boardgame is a closed universe where the "rules" and "truths" apply only to themselves? or no? what i'm saying is, for example, eva killed battler in ep. 3 so that is a "truth" that i should always take into consideration in the future or nah (is that even a truth? how can i know if it's a truth?)... literally 68.7% of everything that we see could be a lie. that is A Lot to deal with... i will repeat yet again that sometimes no one in particular is narrating the facts... how am i even supposed to take this. how important it is for me to go back and refresh my memory after finishing the questions arc...? how important it is for me to have established theories in my mind for the previous mysteries when i move to eps. 5-8...? cannot shake the feeling that i'm doing it all wroooooooong oooooooochdjbcsjabcjsdbcjsc losing my mind ok anyway:

these 👆🏻 are real questions btw i would love answers if possible and spoiler free

cannot BELIEVE that psychopath eva beatrice is still around... fuck that girl so much omg she is so punchable i would like to have regular eva who is already not very regular only pls and ty

the fuck is up with virgilia... why did she come out of kumasawa... if she seems to have no relation to kumasawa...

LIES AND FALSEHOODS HUH absolute chills with the virgilia and beatrice creepy smiles in the golden land fakery

i like ronove now :)

[stars-n-spice]

Thoughts on s3 ep 13!

fucking hell ya'll,, we're almost at the end of this and I simply can't believe it and don't want to believe it simply because I don't want it to end and I don't see how the fuck they're going to tie up all the loose ends in just the next two episodes.

This time around I recorded my reactions to it and it was a lot of yelling and making really weird noises,, but uh, y'know the drill!

Incoherent screaming (this time for real) and spoilers under the cut!

Click here for the audio recording of my initial reaction

WAAAAAH I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE OMEGA IN PRISON UNIFORMS AGAIN!!!

i forgot they had that baby up in there,, omg

FUCKIN' WAAGHHh why didn't omega try to like access that hatch thing at night?? wouldn't that have been less risky??

this episode stressed me the fuck out,, I have a headache rn holy fuck

EMERIE I'M ON MY HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE DO SOMETHING

wait how the fuck are they going to get that baby through the chute thingy??

Eva is so precious :( I love her so much

Omega has been in there for like probably a day or something and is already making plans to escape, I love her so much

"That's okay, I like a challenge" AAAAA WRECKER WOULD BE SO PROUD!!

Question: why the fuck do they keep taking samples if they know her blood is compatible??

PHEE COME BACK D:

I better see more of Phee somewhere, anywhere, please, I love her so much your honor

ALSDKF;A I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT RAMPART LMAOOO

Echo!!!! FUCKING HELL!!!! ECHO <3!!!!!

I missed Echo so much,, this episode really just showed that they couldn't have him in it because he would've gotten things done like five episodes ago because he's just that good

Them keeping Rampart is so funny to me idk

He was such a throw away character to me in the other seasons so I this is so hilarious to me, what a silly, pathetic man I need to see him get chewed up by a space animal or something idk

after all this time it was strange to see Crosshair in the background of things but he was still shoving Rampart around and I loved it

I SWEAR TO GO IF I SEE. Y'ALL THIRSTING FOR RAMPART!!! THAT MAN BOMBED KAMINO Y'ALL BEST REMEMBER WHO THE REAL ENEMY IS!!!

Rampart is basically Walmart Kallus

I swear to god, Hunter is getting shorter

Also looks like Crosshair is filling out :( He's finally getting to eat now :((

THEIR ARMOR ALL BLACKENED OUT??? WHAT A LOOK!!

Crosshair's helmet ESPECIALLY, it looks super cool

RAHHHHHH THAT SUPER LONG SHOT OF HUNTER LOOKING AT HIS BLACKENED OUT HELMET AGGUUGGHHHHH

Felt like I was watching an episode of Rebels due to how they were infiltrating the place

How the FUCK did nobody like,, notice?? insane. imperials are so fucking stupid I love that so much.

"Oh I don't think so" FUCKING AAAAA WOW THAT WAS HOT ECHO I LOVE YOU

WHEN WRECKER WAS JUST CHILLING ON HIS PHONE???? STOP. I'M ALREADY IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN!!!! FUCKING RAAGHHHHH

"Where is your captain?" - "Uh, captaining?" WRECKER MI VIDA!!!!

I've said it 100 times and I'll keep fucking saying it,, everything Wrecker does in this season is pure just,, everything he does is amazing, I love him so much, even in the background, him simply breathing?? Iconic. He better stay breathing.

WHEN HE WAS WEARING THE HAT OF THE GUY HE KNOCKED OUT?!?!? MARRY ME.

I know Rampart is stressed out of his mind LMAO bro is getting out of this with gray hair

"It's the only chance we have of finding Omega and freeing those clone prisoners" WHHHATTTTT HUNTER FINALLY THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN OMEGA??? NO FUCKING WAY!!!

THE WAY CROSSHAIR WENT "he can't go alone" AFTER ECHO VOLUNTEERED TO SNEAK ABOARD THE SCIENCE VESSEL AAAAHHH i'm going to be sick,,

Crosshair and Echo dynamic my beloved

ECHO SLAY

OH MY BELOVED ARC TROOPER!!!!!!

last stretch of the episode had me so fucking stressed

i'm not ready for the next ones

"Negative" and all the Hunter girlies fell to their fucking knees

that was HOT

and stressful as FUCK

losing my mind

Music was insane, omg loved it

WAAAAAAAAAH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ALMOST THE END

AND FUCKING NOT A SIGN OF TECH???? WHAT THE FUCK

THAT'S NOT FAIR THAT THIS SHOW GETS ONLY 3 SEASONS AND FOR MOST OF IT CROSSHAIR, ECHO, AND TECH ARE BARELY IN IT!!! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THAT TECH IS ABSENT THE WHOLE FUCKING THIRD SEASON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????

makes me fucking sick

they need to give us a whole ass season of all of them together being happy on Pabu I swear to god

this episode made me fucking sick ugh

everything sucks man oh my god

[telomeke]

THE SIGN EPISODE 4 – MUCHNESS IN THE MIX (BUT THE NAGA AND GARUDA STILL PEEK THROUGH THE MUDDLE)

This episode of The Sign somehow managed to be a LOT and yet not quite enough (for me) at the same time.

After the languid pacing of Ep.3, set in far-off, semi-rural Nong Khai and punctuated only sporadically with moments of drama and foreboding, Ep.4 took a jarring tonal leap back into the darker, sleeker world of modern Bangkok as the boys got stuck into their day jobs as newbie investigators for a mysterious crime involving rape, abduction, torture, murder and media manipulation. 👀

Maybe it's just me, but the show is starting to show signs of having bitten off more than it can chew – with aspirations to being a fantasy, a procedural crime drama, a supernatural thriller, a comedy and a love story. Is it some of the above? All of it? At the same time? It's early days, but there are hints it may be going down the same meandering path trod by KinnPorsche, flailing in several directions on a whim. (At least KinnPorsche flailed with style, but I'm not sure The Sign has quite the luxury of a Romsaithong budget to ladle on the bucketloads of sugary gloss needed to make a ramshackle raft of uncohesive elements at least superficially appealing to the palate, if not exactly good for your soul.)

Don't get me wrong though. I think there is a place for the mixing and even blending of genres in media, and there is a long history of this in the Asian cinematic universe (what's coming to mind are Bollywood/Kollywood films in which a mafia tale can also be a love story and musical for example – echoes of KinnPorsche here, though most of KP's musical bits were tacked on in the after-concerts – and also Hong Kong movies of decades past where a martial arts movie could also be a slapstick comedy and nobody would bat an eyelid).

A culinary metaphor might be the easiest (laziest) way of making my point: the mile-long ingredient list and complex spicing of a curry may seem like you're inviting nothing but clashing and competition in the claypot, but careful dosing can stew them up into a sumptuous, unified result. And the myriad of ingredients in East and Southeast Asian noodle soups and flash stir-fries not only foreground contrasting textures and flavors in a single dish but actually celebrate them. Both approaches assert that artful assemblage and the right dosage can bring together disparate components (that might seem uneasy companions in their raw and uncombined state) to finish up with a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.

I'm no media expert (necessary caveat inserted here) but I think The Sign needs quite a lot more finessing with all that it's taken on, and getting the proportions, mixing and balance correct will be the tricky bit given the wildly contrasting ingredients they've already added to the pot. I'm not convinced KinnPorsche got it right and I have concerns The Sign may slide down that slope too (if Ep.4 is anything to go by).

Even the acting is starting to betray the fact that Kruu A's assured directorial hand, so evident in the first three episodes, is possibly losing its grip on all the disparate threads and themes. (It's not too late for him to pull it back though, so I think the next two episodes or so will be critical to see if The Sign can live up to the promise of its first three episodes.)

I think this loss of control is especially noticeable in Billy's acting for Ep.4 – his thespian chops had been confident and dependable enough in Episodes 1 to 3 (even during the high tension fight scenes and especially during the quieter emotional interludes with Babe). But in Ep.4 he crossed the line repeatedly and was visibly overacting in almost every take. I'm guessing they needed to amp up the energy level of his portrayal since Phaya is supposed to be a hot-headed garuda after all. But I think the actorly resources currently at Billy's disposal don't quite allow him to pull off the bigger emotions and scenes with authenticity, not just yet anyway. (Babe showed characteristic restraint throughout though, and I thought he consistently did a good job.)

Unfortunately Billy wasn't the only one falling short in the acting department; the extras and bit players were also allowed to ham it up no end (yes, I'm sorry for the kid who was sexually assaulted, but the hysteria on display was jarringly and completely inauthentic, and drew more mockery to the predicament rather than sympathy, which is such a shame). 🤷‍♂️

Special mention also for the OTT expressions of the investigative group during each team meeting – they all appeared to be reacting exactly in unison to every turn of events, whether it was exaggerated focus on new findings, flinching in collective disappointment whenever their leads were thwarted, or looking around suspiciously and suddenly when it was suggested the murderer might be one in their midst. It looked far too much like a group of actors responding to instructions from outside in, rather than a team of individuals reacting from inside out, each with their own agency but choosing to align themselves as one. And this should have been weeded out by the director, since we know this team was largely able to deliver on the acting front in the first three episodes.

I stand with Inspector Akk whose confused expression in most of the group scenes seemed to be saying "What the hell is going on here?" 🤣

(above) "Inspector" Akk Akarat Nimitchai: "What is going on? Why am I here? Why did I listen to my agent? I am an Actor!"

Although this is probably just The Sign telling us that Akk knows more than he's letting on, and the newbies he's assigned are doing a far better job than he thought they would (and which is maybe not the desired outcome?). 🤔

Anyway the writers dialled back somewhat on the naga/garuda mythology in Episode 4 to shine more light on the NCIS-style criminal investigation, and this isn't doing The Sign any favors because the mythological themes roiling beneath the surface were what set this series apart in the first place and made it such a fascinating watch.

We still got to see some of it though. Whenever the naga and garuda's inner energies are especially stoked, the lighting often plays along (e.g., the brightly sparkling lights that accompany garuda Phaya charging up his batteries at Ep.1 [4/4] 14.20 and Ep.3 [2/4] 19.07, PhayaTharn's toilet encounter at Ep.2 [4/4] 9.12, the Mekong rescue at Ep.3 [2/4] 19.18, and Tharn's erotic dream of him and Phaya having shower sex at Ep.4 [2/4] 5.52). When it's fiery garuda Phaya and watery naga Tharn experiencing this together, the lighting dances between warm tones (suggesting the flames of the garuda) and cooler blues (suggesting the watery world of the naga).

I think that's why they made such a big deal with the blue and red lighting in this scene:

Phaya and Tharn have just survived an encounter with an armed and possibly insane killer. The flashing lights (blue for the marine naga, red for the fiery garuda) quite literally signal them recouping their respective beast energies after their near-death experience. (I also like that in the screenshot above, the light on Phaya is blue while the light on Tharn is red – each seems to be reflecting what the other is giving off. 👍)

There are also a few other examples of the naga and garuda dynamics in Episode 4, if we look a bit more closely.

Naga Tharn really had to fight to overcome his aversion to the flames in the abandoned mental facility (the Molotov cocktail is also I think a callback to the naga fireballs of the previous episode); garuda Phaya on the other hand breached the fire without a second thought.

But in hand-to-hand combat with the masked Molotov man (an agent of the malevolent naga out to get him and Tharn I suppose) Phaya is swiftly overcome – take a look at where they're fighting though (at Ep.4 [3‌/4] 12.25); it's a forest clearing right at the water's edge (with water being the nagas' stronghold, while it seems to weaken garuda Phaya's abilities).

When Phaya insists he and Tharn have dinner, it's at a hot-pot place (a culinary experience of both fire and boiling water at the table, another metaphor for the coming together of the naga and garuda). And the red and blue lighting of the restaurant also pays homage to the mythological pairing:

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When Tharn is cooking breakfast for him and Phaya, it seems the sizzling on the stove is all it takes to remind him of his sex dream with hot-as-fire Phaya (although that is likely an induction hob though, not an open flame 🤣):

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And when offered the breakfast, Phaya lets us know in no uncertain terms he prefers the more liquid option (just as his garuda self has chosen a waterworld naga):

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OK so on to the most direct reference yet to the fantasy world-building in Episode 4 of The Sign – the visitation from the mysterious old woman spouting warnings and exhortations to Tharn and Phaya:

Her serpent bracelet and subsequent physical transformation show that she is most likely a nagini from Tharn's past life, come to warn the pair that the vengeful naga whom Tharn betrayed previously (see Heng Asavarid's interview spoiler here) is nearby and out to get them (remembering also that at least some of the nagas have the power to shapeshift).

My guess is her golden eyes and general coloration at Ep.4 [1‌/4] 15.40 are signaling that she's Wanwisa, Tharn's sister in his previous life as a naga:

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Going off-tangent just a little, the mysterious gran/golden dragon lady is another example of a wise and mysterious elder popping into a Thai drama to dispense life-saving wisdom.

Not sure if it's enough to be a trope, but The Sign's psychic gran calls to mind a couple of other almost deus-ex-machina plot-helpers:

the loong with the time-portal crystal ball in Be My Favorite; and

the wise monk at the end of Nang Nak (the Sine Inthira version).

There are surely others (but I just can't recall them at the moment). I also can't help but think Uncle Tong in Bad Buddy fits this mold as well, because his wise, unworldly advice helped PatPran re-think and re-chart their lives (except that Director Aof had the good sense not to spring this sage and magical loong on us at the very last minute, and introduced him to us earlier in BBS Ep.6).

Anyway, on to Ep.5 of The Sign. I can't wait to see what's in store, and hope they can get the series back on track! 💖

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