#cannot believe this is the third to last episode

[stars-n-spice]

Thoughts on s3 ep 13!

fucking hell ya'll,, we're almost at the end of this and I simply can't believe it and don't want to believe it simply because I don't want it to end and I don't see how the fuck they're going to tie up all the loose ends in just the next two episodes.

This time around I recorded my reactions to it and it was a lot of yelling and making really weird noises,, but uh, y'know the drill!

Incoherent screaming (this time for real) and spoilers under the cut!

Click here for the audio recording of my initial reaction

WAAAAAH I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE OMEGA IN PRISON UNIFORMS AGAIN!!!

i forgot they had that baby up in there,, omg

FUCKIN' WAAGHHh why didn't omega try to like access that hatch thing at night?? wouldn't that have been less risky??

this episode stressed me the fuck out,, I have a headache rn holy fuck

EMERIE I'M ON MY HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE DO SOMETHING

wait how the fuck are they going to get that baby through the chute thingy??

Eva is so precious :( I love her so much

Omega has been in there for like probably a day or something and is already making plans to escape, I love her so much

"That's okay, I like a challenge" AAAAA WRECKER WOULD BE SO PROUD!!

Question: why the fuck do they keep taking samples if they know her blood is compatible??

PHEE COME BACK D:

I better see more of Phee somewhere, anywhere, please, I love her so much your honor

ALSDKF;A I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT RAMPART LMAOOO

Echo!!!! FUCKING HELL!!!! ECHO <3!!!!!

I missed Echo so much,, this episode really just showed that they couldn't have him in it because he would've gotten things done like five episodes ago because he's just that good

Them keeping Rampart is so funny to me idk

He was such a throw away character to me in the other seasons so I this is so hilarious to me, what a silly, pathetic man I need to see him get chewed up by a space animal or something idk

after all this time it was strange to see Crosshair in the background of things but he was still shoving Rampart around and I loved it

I SWEAR TO GO IF I SEE. Y'ALL THIRSTING FOR RAMPART!!! THAT MAN BOMBED KAMINO Y'ALL BEST REMEMBER WHO THE REAL ENEMY IS!!!

Rampart is basically Walmart Kallus

I swear to god, Hunter is getting shorter

Also looks like Crosshair is filling out :( He's finally getting to eat now :((

THEIR ARMOR ALL BLACKENED OUT??? WHAT A LOOK!!

Crosshair's helmet ESPECIALLY, it looks super cool

RAHHHHHH THAT SUPER LONG SHOT OF HUNTER LOOKING AT HIS BLACKENED OUT HELMET AGGUUGGHHHHH

Felt like I was watching an episode of Rebels due to how they were infiltrating the place

How the FUCK did nobody like,, notice?? insane. imperials are so fucking stupid I love that so much.

"Oh I don't think so" FUCKING AAAAA WOW THAT WAS HOT ECHO I LOVE YOU

WHEN WRECKER WAS JUST CHILLING ON HIS PHONE???? STOP. I'M ALREADY IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN!!!! FUCKING RAAGHHHHH

"Where is your captain?" - "Uh, captaining?" WRECKER MI VIDA!!!!

I've said it 100 times and I'll keep fucking saying it,, everything Wrecker does in this season is pure just,, everything he does is amazing, I love him so much, even in the background, him simply breathing?? Iconic. He better stay breathing.

WHEN HE WAS WEARING THE HAT OF THE GUY HE KNOCKED OUT?!?!? MARRY ME.

I know Rampart is stressed out of his mind LMAO bro is getting out of this with gray hair

"It's the only chance we have of finding Omega and freeing those clone prisoners" WHHHATTTTT HUNTER FINALLY THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN OMEGA??? NO FUCKING WAY!!!

THE WAY CROSSHAIR WENT "he can't go alone" AFTER ECHO VOLUNTEERED TO SNEAK ABOARD THE SCIENCE VESSEL AAAAHHH i'm going to be sick,,

Crosshair and Echo dynamic my beloved

ECHO SLAY

OH MY BELOVED ARC TROOPER!!!!!!

last stretch of the episode had me so fucking stressed

i'm not ready for the next ones

"Negative" and all the Hunter girlies fell to their fucking knees

that was HOT

and stressful as FUCK

losing my mind

Music was insane, omg loved it

WAAAAAAAAAH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ALMOST THE END

AND FUCKING NOT A SIGN OF TECH???? WHAT THE FUCK

THAT'S NOT FAIR THAT THIS SHOW GETS ONLY 3 SEASONS AND FOR MOST OF IT CROSSHAIR, ECHO, AND TECH ARE BARELY IN IT!!! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THAT TECH IS ABSENT THE WHOLE FUCKING THIRD SEASON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????

makes me fucking sick

they need to give us a whole ass season of all of them together being happy on Pabu I swear to god

this episode made me fucking sick ugh

everything sucks man oh my god

[ooooo-mcyt]

Since people love to say Scott was canonically Toxic toward Jimmy in Third Life, I'm basically gonna recount every argument they actually had in Third Life just to give an idea of what kind of relationship conflicts they actually had in canon.

(based on my notes from my last rewatch, i may have missed something so please feel free to add on in comments/tags if there are more conflicts i didn't write in my notes!)

They argued quite a bit over cows. Scott was annoyed when Jimmy decided to give away cows to BigB, Martyn, and Joel without telling him first. Jimmy felt like, since they already knew they had cows, it was best to just try to get in their good graces instead of pointlessly hiding it, but Scott was frustrated because he only wanted to keep the cows secret until they got an enchanting setup, but Jimmy just gave them away without talking about it. They dropped the argument when Jimmy went to work on the wall, and it never came up again.

Scar and Grian tried to use their enderman to extort Scott for diamonds by having it attack him and promising to stop it if Scott gave them diamonds. Scott killed the enderman, and Jimmy scolded Scott for it, apologizing for Scott to Scar and Grian, which frustrated Scott because they're the ones who tried to extort him, and Scott didn't feel like he had any reason to be sorry. They dropped the argument shortly after

Scott ended up cross with Jimmy when he died twice in one episode. Scott warned Jimmy not to play Dare To Flare, and Jimmy played anyway and died. Scott then told Jimmy how to safely disarm a tnt minecart, but Jimmy detonated it, killing himself and two other people. Scott was bitter about Jimmy getting hurt by disregarding his concern and advice. When Jimmy expressed how bad he felt about the minecart, though, Scott relented and expressed to Jimmy that it was Grian and Scar's fault, not his.

When Ren and Martyn come to threaten Jimmy and Scott, Jimmy tries to stand up for them, but Scott insists on Jimmy staying back and agrees when Martyn says Ren could beat Jimmy in a fight. Jimmy is upset about this and tells Scott to say something nice about him, feeling like Scott doesn't believe in him. Scott spends most of the interaction trying to appease and negotiate with Ren and Martyn, but Jimmy ends up making them enemies.

They have probably their most major argument after the interaction with Ren and Martyn. Jimmy is angry that Scott would give in so easily, implying he thinks Scott's being cowardly and/or naive. More than anything, though, Jimmy is worried about Scott, believing Dogwarts cannot be trusted and that they will hurt Scott if they get wrapped up with them. Scott, on the other hand, feels like Jimmy is being reckless (again!) and putting himself in danger by needlessly making enemies without taking Scott's feelings into consideration. In the end, though, Jimmy's already made an enemy out of Dogwarts, and Scott follows Jimmy into the battle that ends up killing Jimmy, and then proceeds to follow the war path against Dogwarts on his own out of grief after Jimmy's death.

[ledesaid]

Billy has nightmares

∟▒∟▒∟▒∟▒∟▒∟▒∟▒∟▒∟▒∟▒∟▒

Now, they are worse.

The other children have them too, but only Billy knows that his nightmares are not normal.

It starts when, in his dreams, he meets a man named Constantine and witnesses his struggle with terrifying demons. He is only four years old and is comforted by his parents, who belived on that those dreams are not real.

"They are only nightmares" Billy believes her words.

It continues when he is six years old and witnesses how Robin is massacred by the Joker. This time he can only cry in the solitude of the alley that shelters him on the cold night.

This episode leads him to seek a hug from his friend Bambi. It is the first time he witnesses something so crude.

It takes him a while to return to normal, but he is strong and manages to live with what he saw... However, he seeks to know how Robin is, just in case, but his access to information is limited and he must live with the doubt.

The third and fourth times occur on consecutive days. He is seven years old and now lives in the abandoned subway station. This time there is no one to comfort him for what he has seen.

He tries not to dissociate, but it is difficult... He has seen a pair of small ninja children, perhaps his age, ending the lives of many people.

He ends up being taken to the Rock of Eternity while he is lost in his own embrace.

The fifth time he is nine years old. This time he is in his room at the Watchtower and sees the third Robin, at Titan Tower, being stabbed by a man with a red hood.

This time, he cannot dissociate his nightmares from the real world and runs to help him...

But when he takes down the attacker, Billy realizes that it was his nightmare that brought him there...

Robin is barely scratched... And Billy feels very sick. Robin tries to hold him when he seems about to vomit.

He cannot explain to Batman what exactly happened. But... he is sure that he does not want to talk about his nightmare of the Joker and the second Robin.

He just wants a hug...

But like last time, he has to face it alone.

The sixth time, it happens when he is Captain Marvel... He daydreams and screams in the middle of a meeting.

Everyone backs away, he can only break down in tears in front of everyone and he is already tired.

They try to calm him down, Batman recognizes the signs and it is precisely for this reason that Billy leaves immediately after shouting that Flash was injured.

Billy does not want to say another loud word, he has faith that the wound in his chest is not fatal... And so, if he can reach him before it is too late.

The nightmares continue over the years until the responsible person appears.

He shouldn't be surprised. It is the wizard Shazam.

He still does not understand. Even after hearing why he gave him the ability to have these visions.

Billy does not understand why he did that to a child. He seals his own powers for a while to try to understand it.

But the world ends, as usual, and the Captain must return.

This time the League is ready to give Billy a hug, and Billy is ready to run and save the day one nightmare at a time.

[actual-changeling]

I know a lot of people interpret Scully's reaction to Mulder's love confession in 'Triangle' as her assuming that he is drugged up and talking nonsense.

There is another (worse) option, though.

"Oh brother" is definitely not what you respond if you're taking it seriously, we can probably agree on that, but i don't think potential drugs are the reasons here.

Let's look back a little. I'm working with the assumption that 'Folie a Deux' is set in May of 1998 with FtF taking place in August. 'The Beginning' happens sometime in September of the same year. If we use this as our timeline, we have a total of around five months during which a LOT of shit happens.

'Folie a Deux' is important because this is the "original" drugged up love confession Scully hears when Mulder is in the psychward. It gets to her, she thinks he is being genuine and does what he asked her to do.

More important than the act itself is what he tells her. I assume most of us have that conversation memorized, but just as a reminder:

"Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion."

Even from our point of view, this makes complete sense—she IS the only one he trusts.

Except that it's a lie. I don't expect Mulder to think of Diana in that moment, and it wouldn't have been an issue at all if it weren't for the events of 'The End', which happen about 2-3 weeks later.

Suddenly, there is a person from his past that he trusts unconditionally to the point of stupidity, and he not only doesn't talk to Scully about any of it, he stops talking to her period. It's as if she has been a placeholder for Diana, and now that she's back, there is no use for her anymore.

Mulder works the case with Diana, Scully is dragging herself along and he does not care about her or her work until it is useful for him; he doesn't back her up when a room full of people (including Diana) belittle and mock her. He nods along, which, to Scully, is just the last puzzle piece slotting into place.

To summarize, Mulder's confession in Folie a Deux that she took seriously is revealed to be a lie—a means to an end to get her to do what he wants her to. Whether or not that's objectively true is a totally different matter because this is what Scully is confronted with.

Betrayal.

With that in mind, their argument in FtF in his hallway and Scully thinking of herself as redundant makes complete sense. We get yet another love confession, one she ALSO takes seriously, and if it weren't for that fucking bee, they'd have kissed. Maybe then, the whole mess that comes after could have been avoided, but here we are.

In "The Beginning", Scully repeats said confession back to him in an attempt to calm him and regain his trust in her/her science. Let's see what happens:

He implicitly tells her that none of what he confessed still applies, that the whole speech was, once again, nothing but a farce to get her to stay. Mulder confirms this at the end of the episode, and Scully asking him with tears in her eyes to trust her is a deeply painful contrast to his earlier declarations.

Two times, Mulder confesses his love to her.

Two times, he takes it back later and continues to use it against her.

In 'Triangle', Scully once again finds herself next to Mulder in a hospital bed and listens to him as he confesses his love for a third time. Does she think he's drugged up? Yeah, probably, but that's not the reason she cannot take him seriously.

Considering her track record with Mulder and big speeches, is it at all surprising that she no longer trusts what he tells her?

"Oh, brother," because she is forced to grapple with her many, many feelings for him and process it in a way that fits into everything else that has happened so far.

"Oh, brother," because it might be an attempt to placate her and nothing else.

"Oh, brother," because there is a chance he will twist his 'I love you' into a weapon to stab her with later. Because he says it and does not mean it.

This is not a "oh, he's drugged up" expression to me. This is Scully preparing to get hurt again.

The funniest part is that she's right. She is right. He couldn't have meant it because then he wouldn't be staring her down with apathy in his eyes and tell her not to make it "personal".

SHE is making it personal? After Mulder manipulated her by pulling on their connection like a leash to get her to do what he wants? After he confessed how much he loves and trusts her over and over just to throw it all away?

To ignore all of it in the moment it actually fucking matters?

The drug option is less angsty and kinda fun, and I do enjoy reading fics that interpret it as such, but with their history attached, it is so much more—and so much worse.

Pretending it never happened is one thing, but then actively denying it to her face and using her feelings to hurt her? Yeah, no.

Mulder fucked up and Scully has every right to reject his declarations and distance herself from him.

[royhasissues]

Torbek Theory Time

I've been wanting to talk about this since I started OUAW in August(?) I didn't have a platform for it then, but I do now! :D

Full disclaimer: it's been awhile since I've watched Witchlight---some of this will be vague as I don't remember exact episodes or scenarios. Please bear with me.

Also, spoilers for OUAW in general. Especially the later episodes, but I don't remember which, so just be cautious if you're not caught up. :)

As I said in my last post, Torbek's name isn't Torbek. Now let me expand upon that.

The reason why I don't think his name is Torbek is because he is not the original inhabitant of his body. The Duke is. Think about it. Torbek doesn't remember anything before Carnival Lecroux (this is stated at least once in a later episode); now this fact is kind of contested by other things Torbek says, but I believe that he gained control of the body (or manifested) sometime prior to working at the carnival, but has no memories before manifesting. Details in OUAW can be pretty inconsistent at times.

ANYWAY. My second piece of evidence is the flashback we get with the mushroom siblings much later on. We see, as Nikkie describes, a more put together Torbek walking through---was is the Underdark? I don't remember where he was---for an appointment. That's where we learn that he's a duke. Basically, the Duke is described as looking exactly like Torbek, but not an absolute mess. This, to me, solidifies that Torbek is not the owner of the body.

Now, I can't say what happened to give him control, but I think it has something to do with the "appointment" the Duke was going to. I genuinely don't believe that the entity that is Torbek existed until after whatever happened to the Duke happened.

Next, Torbek mentions that he's always heard voices; the Duke has always been there. He is not a recent manifestation brought on by the experimentation Torbek underwent. Somehow, the Duke lost control of his body and is trapped in his own mind, now constantly trying to regain control. This is why he's always bugging Torbek about giving up and letting him take over. He wants his body back.

Something about the Witchlight allows the Duke to take control for short periods of time. I think his "appointment" has something to do with Witchlight and the experimentation of Torbek later on. Regardless, he can't keep control for very long, most likely because being hopped up on so much Witchlight is very taxing on the both of them. He is working to wrest control back from Torbek... little by little. There is more to be stated on why Witchlight is so important for the Duke's ability to take his body back. Why is he only in control when Torbek uses Witchlight? (and not even every time, at that) Can he force Torbek out without it? I don't think so. Not currently, at least.

Torbek is completely unaware. He thinks he was born Torbek. And, as a coping mechanism, has fake memories of being younger (this is my own hc as he does canonically state that he does not remember much) that are probably mixed with the Duke's own.

Now, about Torbek's name. I mentioned that I think Torbek made it up since he couldn't remember it. His real name would be whatever the Duke's name is, of course. I wish I understood psychology a little bit better so I could include it in my analysis, but him speaking in the third person is 100% some kind of trauma response. Now to what? I can't really say. But it has something to do with his fractured sense of self. He doesn't know who he is and something feels wrong. It's almost as though he has to remind himself that his name is Torbek. That he is his own person (he's not), because the alternative would ruin him. He also cannot physically refer to himself in the first person. This is so meaningfully important and I wish I could expound upon that but, like I said, I don't know psychology well enough. But, I can at least say that it has something to do with the fact that he is not him. Get it? Lol. In the sense that only the Duke uses "I" and "me" because he is the original owner of the body. Torbek physically cannot because he isn't. Torbek is Torbek. Torbek is some outside entity that was brought in later.

It kinda gets into some mind fuckery tbh.

If you've read my fics, specifically chapter 4 of "I Don't Have a Name For It," you'll see me try to convey that. I'd like to include this theory into my fics more, but it's difficult without saying something like "Torbek does not own this body" lol. (I'm working on one where he describes himself as a parasite. Now why would he do that...? Huh. >:) I'd love to talk more on this point, but I don't want to spoil the fic? Maybe I will bc I'm insane and I need to get these ideas out of my head or I'll explode.)

At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I thought this was obvious. But I've read several aus/headcanons/fics that state otherwise. It is 100% my belief that the Duke was the original inhabitant and Torbek came in later.

If you got this far, thank you for reading all this 🥺 Please let me know what you think! I'd love to read your thoughts. :)

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

Tuesday Again No Problem 4/1/2025

I considered a Tuesdaypost full of uncharacteristic media (various heterosexual romances) but even I will not go that far for a joke.

Listening

If Mackintosh was not beset by ghosts and Philip at every moment of the day, this would be her theme song. This is not a theme song for a cat who spurred the DuckDuckGo search “cat confidence exercises”.

Louie Zhong is quite good at really evocative instrumentals. This album DOES sound like an aquarium tour!

-

Reading

Peggy Herring’s third novel with Naiad Press, 1997’s Hot Check. We previously had a bad time with her second novel, the one about the French vineyard lesbians. This one has a much better cover, which is the only nice thing I can say about it.

Ricky Conrad brings a whole new meaning to the word hot… but is the rising young rock star too hot to handle?

In an effort to revive her struggling restaurant chain, Alice Collins hires the dynamic Ricky Conrad and her band, Hot Check, to record a new corporate jingle. Ricky turns out to be as talented as she is drop-dead gorgeous, and the minute her sultry voice hits the airwaves, restaurant sales start to soar— along with Alice’s pulse.

Although one look from the singer can turn her blood to molten lava, workaholic Alice is determined not to mix business with pleasure. But as she watches Ricky play those hot licks on the guitar, she can’t help but fantasize what those strong hands could do to a woman’s body… to her body…

It’s hard to keep your cool when you’re standing at the edge of a volcano…

I really would not describe this singer’s voice as unto pebbles in a plastic container. She simply sounds like a smoker.

My main issue with this book is structural— Herring forgot to put in a conflict until page 110 of 180. The meet-cute and get-together happens quickly, but the vast middle of the book is domesticity that neither develops the characters nor says much of anything about the author’s thoughts and views on U-Haul career-focused lesbians. They have sex, they eat food, and not much else. As in the vineyard lesbians book, Herring has a very sparse, barely fleshed out from the outline style. Once again, scenes and time periods that could be their own chapters are short paragraphs or brief asides. Episodes that are fleshed out are a series of barely connected vignettes and recountings of friends’ jokes at friends’ parties. I have further concerns on a sentence by sentence structure— people bellow and roar far more than I expect from any book, and conversations often feel like two or more different conversations are happening to me.

The conflict eventually comes from a fundamental disconnect between long-term career goals, and instead of exploring this conflict in a way I would have preferred to see, Herring puts Ricky through a car crash that kills one bandmate, maims another, and leaves her in a coma for three days. This (much like a car crash) was very jarring and unexpected, and instead of developing these characters enough that I would be interested in seeing them come to some sort of emotional growth through some sort of decision making process, I was relived at having this choice taken away from them, because I do not trust Herring enough to write that process in an interesting or coherent manner.

The sex scenes are better than her last book, and it is nice to read a lesbian who cannot come instantaneously. I do not believe I have ever seen this in a traditionally published work. It is also difficult to express how much the mobile 10-image limit is cramping my style.

-

Watching

I no longer remember which one of you mothers and/or fuckers introduced me to Crime Pays But Botany Doesn’t, but as I am falling back in love with gardening I am catching up on his videos. Here he is on the bleeding edge of day-trippability from my house!

This will not surprise anyone familiar with my general deal, but I am fascinated by efforts to manage invasive species. I wish him nothing but the best in his feral hog fight.

-

Playing

I am hopelessly smitten with the setting and scope of the newest Genshin Impact update. It made me gasp at numerous points, and I am only at about fifteen percent combined total exploration of the three new areas. These areas are DENSE. I have not even finished the main tribe or the main area quest yet, because I keep falling asleep directly after dinner on my couch, much like a dad. I do wish they broke the overland component out into the last update and saved the volcano interiors for this one, but alas.

God fucking damn these areas are fun as hell. This is on the lowest possible quality on my phone and unfortunately it does show. I am so excited to eventually get my PC fixed.

The character in this last screenshot is the newest character I pulled, a cow girl. I completely blew through my stash of gacha currency to get her and hopefully will have built that back up a little for Skirk’s release (Maybe around the part 1 Snezhnaya release? We have a ways to go) or if they ever ever ever rerun Yae Miko.

Here she is cheering for trans rights.

-

Making

I shall reblog this with a sock and gardening update, as I have fetched up against the image limit.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

My cup runneth over with excellent jql, and we just got confirmation that Cosmetic Playlover will be joining the line up next week. All but one of these are on Gaga; I highly recommend picking them up!

Takara's Treasure

I really love this unassuming little show and how gently it's advancing this relationship. This week reinforced that Taishin is the only one who really sees Takara beyond his popular hot guy reputation. He can tell he is struggling and he notices when he is overcome by sadness. Their adventure helping the tiny child find his way home was a nice way for them to bond and see each other's good qualities, and also to prompt some reflection from Takara about his own relationship with his mother. I am still dying to know more about what happened there.

I Hear the Sunspot

Most of this episode had me chewing glass; I loved every single minute of their camping trip. Seeing Kohei's walls coming down was so rewarding, and I was relieved when he finally stopped holding back and let himself smile. Taichi's ongoing struggle with understanding what he feels for Kohei was also super compelling, and I liked that Kohei got to express some frustration at his obliviousness. He flirts all the time without seeming to realize he's doing it, both with Kohei and with other people, and it's hard for Kohei to hold back when his confession is already laying there between them. Taichi seemed to finally be putting some things together when he confessed that he doesn't hate Kohei's attention. And because I loved all of that so much, it was a bit of a womp womp to then do a time skip only to introduce a new third party to inspire jealousy and set them right back where they were last week. It feels like wheel spinning, so I do hope we'll be moving through that quickly.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

Besties, I AM PISSED OFF. I cannot believe the behavior of the people around Hiroko this week, and I am ready to fight them on her behalf. Let me just say this real clearly: Hiroko does not owe anyone the truth about her sexuality, and if she doesn't want to be out at work, that is her choice and nobody else's goddamn business. Risa is off the best girl list forever after the shit she pulled today. Digging for gossip and outing Hiroko only so she could criticize her to try to sway Ayaka was some ugly shit, and I will not be forgetting it. And I am also side-eyeing Hiroko's "friends" at the bar, who saw Hiroko panic when she ran into those two, heard them call her senpai, and still spilled all her secrets when Risa came poking around (though I appreciate that at least Mama quickly realized they'd fucked up and apologized). I am sad that Hiroko doesn't actually have anyone on her side, and it's clear from the brief flashbacks we keep seeing that she has been betrayed in the past. I am curious to see where they go with Ayaka's quest from here, because continuing to push Hiroko when she's drawn a firm boundary is not the move. Something in the dynamic will need to shift.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

This shoooooooooow. I'm obsessed. Episode 2 is now available on @isaksbestpillow's blog. This week we got more hints about Mitsuya's past and other relationships (just how many boyfriends do you have, sir?), met my new favorite Shige, and learned about Ishida's past baseball career and why he's still feeling a little lost trying to establish himself in a new field. I loved following Mitsuya and Ishida on their long day together; their chemistry feels so natural and the whole sequence with Mitsuya making the tenshinhan was excellent. I was also super excited that Ishida has figured himself out quickly and knows he's crushing on Mitsuya. He's going to need that awareness because he appears to have a lot of competition.

Twilight Out of Focus

Tagging in @twig-tea to talk about this week's episode, which shifted the focus to a new couple.

[lachicavoltron333]

Sometimes i do wonder, back in the last episode of the 2nd season when Portia is speaking to Jack, she tells him that she is a mother and then talks about her daughters telling him that they are hers, but my question is, was she talking about Philippa and Prudence, or was she talking about all 3??? Cause she mentions "three young ladies."

But everytime i see her she is always fussing about Philippa and Prudence, but with Penelope she is always scolding her and often diminish her achievements.

Even saying that she is happy that one day she will take care of her (wich pen is obviously against and even dreading)

And then in season 3 ep 2 she is telling her "do you earnestly believed you might find a husband in your 3rd year out?" Wich in general is just cruel to say that to your daughter who is being laughed at by the Ton.

Because:

1. I think she was suposed to be presented around the same time as Eloise, wich would be her 2nd year, she wouldn't really be a spinster (pen was probably against it, but once again had no say in it ).

2. She never tries to teach her anything about the marrige mart or even try to help her find a husband, unlike the other 2 who already have husbands (although for Philippa it was easy, for Prudence idk what happened other than the fact that they are already married)

3. She always let's Philippa and Prudence make fun of her and mock her weight, and instead of telling both to stop it, she continues to let them do it.

4. Calling pen a spinster even though she shouldn't be one and shouldn't say that about her.

Honestly watching scenes like this makes me believe more on that one theory i saw (i forgot where i saw it☠️) that said the reason why Portia treats her like this is because of the fact that pen is a constant reminder of what she used to be when she was younger (another thing that i would have liked to see in queen Charlotte Is a young Portia before she was a featherington , kind of like Violet for example)

And then comes debling, and all of a sudden she says that she has done very well, and is very proud of her, and poor pen feels like she finally did something right.

And then debling steps away and chooses not to propose, and once again we see Portia say "what did you do?" Instead of asking her if she is all right. And then pen calls her out on it and she is stunned, she probably never had heard Penelope speak like that, ever.

Don't get me wrong, i love Portia, i think she is funny as hell and a great character, but why do you encourage your first two daughters but don't even try on the third one???

Idk maybe I'm just thinking too much about it (apologies for my grammar error, english Is not my language)

One thing for sure, i cannot wait for that confrontation between Colin and Portia.(I just saw a leak on twitter about it and I'm really excited)

Anyway thanks for hearing my rant.

[bengiyo]

Theory of Love Romcom Rewatch Episode 2: Love Actually (2003)

Once again I am watching Theory of Love because @lurkingshan gets specific pleasure out of making me change my mind about this show. This week we’re continuing with Love Actually (2003), a film I watched for the first time this past Saturday. Shan already wrote about how much she hated Third making us watch this film, and @solitaryandwandering posted similarly (though their post isn’t showing up in the tag for some reason). Let’s get into this.

Love Actually (2003)

This movie sucks! This might be one of the worst Christmas movies I’ve ever seen. As Megan already wrote, this movie is ridiculously misogynistic, racist, homophobic, and fatphobic. Ostensibly, this film is about the fact that Love is All Around, which it tries to remind us of constantly via a horrible cover that plays over most of the film, by starting with the feeling of seeing people reunite at airports. It then takes us on a journey with about nine or ten different relationships. There is a version of this that could have been interesting, but this film is so obsessed with its masculine hetero fantasies that it never gets there.

The film tries to weave these dubious plots together through a web of connections between characters, starting at a wedding. We have a man at his best friend’s wedding resenting that he never got with the man’s wife, which eventually leads to the iconic cards scene. We have a secretary that the film literally calls the devil trying to seduce her married manager to cheat on Emma Thompson!!! We have a budding romance between two sex scene stand-ins. There’s a dubious romance between the prime minister and one of his staff. There’s a woman who can’t consummate things with her crush because of her sick brother. There’s a guy who realizes the best thing he can do as an undesirable Englishman is to just go to the Midwest in America to score multiple girls. We have a wife realizing that her husband was going to cheat on her. There’s a…language barrier romance (?) between an English writer and a Portuguese woman. There’s a sort of bromance between an aging rock star and his manager. Finally, there’s the relationship between a recent widower and his stepson. 

That’s too much! There’s just way too many plotlines in this movie, and they collectively reveal this entire film as a weird masculine fantasy. I was put off constantly by the fatphobia of this story, and I cannot believe that this film went out of its way to edit a black man out of his own wedding! In the wake of the Bill Clinton indecency scandal, this film decided to do that as well, but it’s okay because…he’s defending his aide from a gross American president (played by BILLY BOB THORTON)? 

There are really only a few watchable plotlines in this film. I enjoyed the runner with the sex scene stand ins. I enjoyed the growing father-son relationship in the wake of a tragedy. I thought the plot with Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, and Emma’s character realizing her marriage was a failure, was excellent. The rockstar realizing his closest relationship with his manager was almost a good moment ruined by a huge No Homo aura. 

Genuinely, this film was way too long and far too offensive for me to ever want to watch it again. I will never watch it again, and I have words for Third!

Theory of Love Episode 2

On to Theory of Love, we spend this week sitting in Third’s crush on Khai and why he even likes him. Two spends the episode giving Third horrible advice about how to get closer to Khai, culminating in Third lying to his friends about his housing status to move in with Khai. 

I had a lot of fun with this episode, because we slowed down to understand Third’s crush and why he doesn’t think he can succeed, after establishing the friend group in the last episode. We see that Khai sincerely believes that Third is his best friend, and is more than happy to spend time with him. They work well together on their projects, and Khai pays attention to Third’s preferences and moods. Khai is also openly affectionate with Third. When they thought Third was homeless, Khai sucked up his own doubts and offered Third a place to stay. 

This section is always hard for me, because I get it! I was deeply closeted in my youth, and it’s hard not to fall for some of your friends when you spend so much time with them. It’s especially difficult because Third is actually trying to tell Khai the truth about his feelings. Unfortunately, Khai has a hard line in his head about his relationships and has no way to reconcile what Third is trying to say to him because it would forever alter their dynamic. I’ve been in Third’s shoes trying to gauge what a friend is saying and reading into it, and I have guessed wrong (to devastating results). It really hurts to love a friend who can't reciprocate, and I always find myself incredibly sympathetic to Third (at least at this stage).

So, when Third was looking for a way to confess his feelings to Khai, I actually liked Bone’s recommendation that he turn to movies for inspiration. Bone also doesn’t suggest Love Actually (2003) right away, but it doesn’t surprise me that Third goes for that terrible choice. Third doesn’t actually believe he will succeed with Khai, so it is no wonder that he chose a scene grounded in failure. Third probably projected onto Mark’s feelings that the person he wanted would always be unavailable, and so went for the same approach. 

I wondered about the films Third has access to, and so I reached out to @happypotato48 about what queer films Third could have seen at that time (considering the language barrier). He considered Dear Dakanda (2003), One Day (2011), and 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) (which at least got us a great Thai version of the singing in the stands scene), before Third went with Awful Actually. We confirmed that Third could have watched in Thai Brokeback Mountain (2005), Love, Simon (2018), Call Me By Your Name (2017), The Wedding Banquet (1993), In & Out (1997), Beautiful Thing (1996), The Way He Looks (2014), Weekend (2011), and Mysterious Skin (2004). From Thailand he had Love of Siam (2007), Bangkok Love Story (2008), The Blue Hour (2015) (that Gun starred in with Oab!) and How to Win at Checkers Every Time (2015) 

With that as his selection, I almost understand Third reaching for het romcoms for guidance here. I always end up feeling so much for Third because I understand why he holds back. He genuinely tried with Khai at least twice this episode and had his intentions misread. On this, my third watch, I still feel for Third, but definitely frowned at his decision to move in with Khai. It wasn’t Two’s first recommendation either, but I understand why 20 year olds would think that proximity would be enough for things to happen. 

I remain disaffected by Bone’s thing for the teacher, so will not be commenting on it. Anyway, I guess we’re watching Friend With Benefits (2011) this week…Oh, Third…

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

By Fionnula Hainey

Feeling achey and 'bruised' and 'completely weak' are among the symptoms people who have tested positive for Covid have described in recent weeks.

It comes as a new strain of the virus is spreading across the UK and other countries. Expert have suggested the new variant, named XEC, will soon become the dominant strain, causing a new wave of infections over the autumn.

XEC is understood to have emerged from Omicron subvariants and experts believe vaccines will be effective against the new strain, although some have suggested it may have a 'transmission advantage' over the current dominant strains.

On social media, people who have tested positive for Covid in recent weeks have been describing their symptoms, with some claiming they have 'never been this sick'. Feeling weak, struggling to move and suffering from a fever are among the symptoms that Covid patients have detailed.

On X, formerly Twitter, one person, who tested positive for Covid on September 11 after avoiding it for three years, said: "This new variant is taking no prisoners. I’ve never been this sick in my entire life." Another said Covid had left them "completely weak" and "unable to move for multiple days".

A third person echoed the sentiment saying they struggled to walk after testing positive for the virus. "I tested positive for Covid on Wednesday," they wrote. "Yesterday, I woke up with an achy back. Today I cannot walk. Read that again. I CANNOT WALK. Of the five times I’ve had Covid, this was never a symptom. We are in for a long winter with these mutations."

Another person who said Covid was "kicking my a*s" described being "the most sick I’ve been in years" two days after their positive test. They added: "Must be a super strain."

Feeling weak and achey were common symptoms among people saying they had tested positive, while others reported feeling feverish or suffering headaches.

"Last night felt achy and couldn't get warm, tested positive," one person wrote. "Couldn't sleep at all last night. Woke up with a splitting headache, no fever, but my body feels like one big bruise." Another said: "My lungs are suffering. I am weak and I hurt all over. Covid positive."

Another person said they had "a sore scratchy throat, head and body aches and a fever".

Because widespread testing is no longer taking place as it was during the pandemic, it is difficult to determine just how prevalent Covid is in the UK currently. The NHS recommends that anyone who is suffering from Covid symptoms should try to stay at home and avoid contact with other people.

The NHS has not released a specific list of symptoms associated with the XEC variant but experts say symptoms are similar to the common symptoms associated with previous dominant variants.

According to the NHS website, the most common Covid symptoms are:

a high temperature or shivering (chills) – a high temperature means you feel hot to touch on your chest or back a new, continuous cough – this means coughing a lot for more than an hour, or three or more coughing episodes in 24 hours a loss or change to your sense of smell or taste shortness of breath feeling tired or exhausted an aching body a headache a sore throat a blocked or runny nose loss of appetite diarrhoea feeling sick or being sick The NHS says symptoms are similar to that of a flu or the common cold and people will usually feel better within a few weeks, but some people may experience symptoms for longer.

People are no longer required to take a lateral flow test if they have symptoms of Covid, but tests can be bought at pharmacies for people who want to get tested.

If you or your child does test positive the NHS advises that you stay home and isolate. Children should isolate for three days, while adults are advised to isolate for five days.

In addition, it is recommended that you do not meet up with people who are more likely to get seriously ill from viruses, such as the elderly or people with a weakened immune system, for at least 10 days after a positive test.

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

PHIA SABAN PHOTOGRAPHED IN NEW YORK BY JULIA SARIY FOR ROSE & IVY MAGAZINE.

HOW HAS THE ANTICIPATION BEEN LEADING UP TO THE RELEASE OF SEASON TWO?

"It's funny because in order to make the show with any integrity, you cannot think about the scale of it at all. It has to be about the moment you're trying to make special and doing justice to the reality of the reality. I mean, it’s a show about dragons (laughs). I hope people will find it's a family drama and the dynamics are very human."

"You almost can't focus on what a big thing it is, but there's nothing like doing a press tour and going to New York, Paris, and London. You realize it is bigger than the soundstage in Watford (laughs). I guess the answer to your question is trying not to anticipate anything."

"That’s the other thing, it's fantastic when things are amazingly received especially since it has such a built-in fan base. People love it almost before it even exists, which is fantastic. It's been very warm and lovely how everybody has received us."

HAS THE EXCITEMENT AROUND THE PROJECT SUNK IN YET?

"When I watched the first episode, 90% of me thought, this is really cool—cool because I was watching my friends on TV. But 10% of me thought that's the way I've done it; it’s permanent and that represents me now and that’s quite hard. It's easy to feel a bit existential about it, especially when you've started with theater and went to drama school."

"There's something amazingly ephemeral about theater and the fact that it doesn't exist anymore once it's happened."

"When you have something with a big budget and loads of people working on it who really believe in it, everyone is so engaged in how to serve the story best, but it's not the same as theater. When you wrap that's the scene."

"It doesn’t have anything to do with me anymore, and it's going to be made into something else."

"During a play, the only people who shared the moment was me and everyone else in the room, and then it goes out into the ether. I am on the journey of finding that on the screen because it's not the same."

ABSOLUTELY, IT’S A LITTLE BIGGER OF AN AUDIENCE—IT’S INSIDE PEOPLE’S HOME, BUT TIMES MILLIONS AND MILLIONS!

"Exactly—that's a nice way of thinking of it, that it is still being shared. With a show that comes out with one episode a week, there's something communal about that. It can be a talking point at the pub or work, which I really like. When Succession came out weekly, I was like, I'm so glad I'm alive to watch this week by week (laughs)."

YOU MENTIONED YOU GRADUATED FROM DRAMA SCHOOL, AND THIS WAS ONE OF YOUR FIRST ROLES.

"I did have one part before, The Last Kingdom, a Netflix show, which is about Vikings and Saxons. I was in my third year of school, and it was during that third year Covid came. So we were all sent home and we didn't ever have that closure."

"But also, you're doing an acting degree and you think, the thing I'm in denial about is that this might not even happen for me. Then suddenly theater doesn't exist and you're back in your childhood bedroom. I mean, worse things were going on in the world, but I think that when I got that part in The Last Kingdom, it felt like magic. I couldn't believe it."

"I got to go out to Budapest for eight months. The cast was so warm and welcoming. I got the House of the Dragon job while I was on that job. I had a bit of time to wait in between them, but it was time I could obsess about the scripts that I did have and all my ideas about her."

CAN YOU WALK ME BACK TO WHEN YOU ACTUALLY GOT THE PART?

"It did take a long time before I finally got the part of Helaena. They were using dummy sides from a scene of Arya’s from Game of Thrones. I did it and thought it was a long shot because every actor my age in the world was probably taping for that part. I knew it was good to be seen by the casting director, Kate Rhodes James. I didn't hear anything for a very long seven months."

"In Budapest, there were whispers that some of the actors were getting auditions for it. I didn’t think it was going to come through for me."

"Eventually, I got a notice saying, they didn’t want me for that part, but to audition for the part of Helaena. When I came home for Christmas, I did the tape. It's so rare when you do a tape where you think, that's a bit of me and I really want to do this. Then I was back in Budapest and I got a text that said they wanted to meet on Zoom."

"So I met with the casting director and the two showrunners, and that just went by in a complete blur. After, I felt like an alien a few days (laughs). I kept having to put myself to sleep in order to not feel worried. One day I woke up from one of those naps and I had a text that said, you've got the part."

YOU GET TEXTED THAT INFORMATION–THEY DON'T CALL YOU! AT LEAST A TEXT CAN BE PRINTED AND GO IN THE MUSEUM ARCHIVE. YOU CAN CREATE SOME MEMORABILIA!

"That's true. I think either way it would've gone, it would have been just me blacking out."

CAN YOU SHARE MORE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER, HELAENA?

"What's interesting for me about Helaena is that she's in this unique situation. She's in the royal family and married to her brother, which she’s done for the family. It is a personal sacrifice."

"She's uncomfortable with what's expected of her. She doesn't like wearing those clothes. She doesn't like standing up there in front of the people and doesn't like being a figurehead or being projected on. She's got her own stuff that makes her feel safe and she wants to be in her own world."

"So we leave her growing up in a level of discomfort. For this season, I would describe it as a reckoning of what she's willing to accept and how far is too far. It's about family dynamics, inherited trauma, and the quest for us to understand each other."

IT MUST BE PRETTY FUN TO FILM THE SHOW ON THAT SET. ARE THERE ANY COOL MOMENTS THAT STAND OUT?

"The sets by set designer Jim Clay are incredible. They have built a castle inside the studios. I can walk into my bedroom, look around my bedroom, walk out, walk downstairs, the grand hall, go into my mother's bedroom, go upstairs, and go to the study."

"In a way, it's like a lazy actor's dream because you just look at something and it's real."

"My favorite moment of this year was when I got my first scenes that are properly in Helaena’s bedroom."

"She has this special interest in her insects and there are cabinets and cabinets filled with the most beautiful bugs and incredible things that had been designed to look like something that she would've sewn."

"She’s written notes all over her desk and dreams all over the wall along with these amazing drawings. I'm trying to think of the perfect way to describe it, but it was as imaginary as if somebody had created a child's imaginary world for them in real life."

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF FROM YOUR WORK ON THE SERIES?

"That's a really big question. I'm proud I made a choice about this character and have stayed true to her. I try to make choices that are through the lens of specificity of this person."

"It's not even so much something to be proud of, but it's more like a gift that I'm in this position because you don't always get to play someone so particular. It's really exciting to get to make all of those choices for yourself."

SINCE YOU ARE THE START OF YOUR CAREER, ARE YOU SOMEBODY WHO HAS A VISION BOARD OF WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE?

"I go to the theater twice a week, so I almost see that as manifesting, just in that I put so much thought and energy into appreciating plays that I like. I'm letting it rub off on me."

"I'm also someone, who every time I watch a film, see a performance, or go and see a play I'm interested in, I log it somewhere. It’s a nice notch on the climbing ladder and helps in developing a strong sense of taste."

GROWING UP, WAS THERE SOMETHING THAT LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON YOU THAT INSPIRED YOU TO PURSUE ACTING?

"I was a kid who watched a lot of TV and films. I was really into Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I also did a huge amount of Shakespeare because nearby there was a small children's company that put on plays in the summer."

"I also had a crush on James Dean in films like East of Eden, but I also wanted to be Buffy."

"When you are in a small school and you're objectively the keenest person in the class, you get to play cool characters, parts that I would never play now in a million years. So I think of it all as influential."

IT’S SO INTERESTING WHEN SOMEONE HAS THAT FIRE FROM A YOUNG AGE AND THEN THEY PURSUE IT TO THE BIG LEAGUES.

"It's also about the positive energy of the people you have around you."

"I have had very supportive parents and teachers, so it didn't seem as much of an obstacle, but that's not the case for everyone."

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUN PLANS FOR THE SUMMER?

"I'm going to the End of the Road festival—I went last year for the first time and it was such a beautiful festival."

"I think I am going to go to Naples but I also hope I'm going to be doing a job."

"As an actor, you want to make these plans, but you also think, I could just stay home and wait by the phone instead and not do anything."

"But it's important to make the plans, but I kind of hope that something gets in the way."

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

It is fair that Iroh and Zuko don't punished for their crimes like Ozai did? Does redemption mean they deserve to be rewarded?

Before we ask ourselves what's fair, what's more practical: forgiving and cooperating with the two Fire Nation royals that can (and want to) use legitimate means to not only end the war but also help make up for what their nation has done, or to lock them up somewhere and then try to defeat a nation that has been kicking the good guys's asses for a whole century and possibly having to stage a coup to put someone non-Fire Nation on the throne, which the citizens would obviously reject?

Can the heroes (and the whole world) affort to NOT have the Avatar learn firebending just to make Zuko feel like shit for not being forgiven? Can the world afford to keep fighting with the Fire Nation non-stop instead of changing it from within just to punish Zuko by not making him Fire Lord? Does the world gain anything by imprisoning Iroh, the heir that got cast aside, the general that doesn't bother with battles anymore, instead of letting him fight for their side to make up for the evil he did in the past? Is that truly having the moral high-ground or is that simply being stubborn and stupid?

There's a reason most former colonies in the real world immediately create strong diplomatic connections and trade stuff with their former colonizer. Why terms for peace are constantly exchanged through wars, no matter how brutal the mutual attacks become. If you focus so much on punishing the bad guy that you forget about making sure the innocent survive, you're going to get everybody killed either by being obliterated by the enemy or by running out of resources (including people that are willing/able to fight for the cause).

Now, don't get me wrong, it's valid to wonder "Is it fair that Zuko and Iroh don't get punished?" But if we do that, we also have to ask "Is it fair to cause more suffering and death just to punish them?" and "Is it fair to put them in the same category as everyone else in their nation when they are genuinely sorry and making an effort to fix things?" Not to mention "Is it even fair to put Zuko, who changed sides as a teenager, in the same category as Iroh, who only felt remorse for his actions as an adult?"

People are complicated. Justice, as a concept, is complicated. War is fucking complicated, tough to end, and creates TONS of inherently unfair situations. The writers of Avatar are well aware of it, but their answer to the problem has been pretty consistent: rehabilitation.

We are repeatedly told "The people of Fire Nation itself are not inherently evil, they were literally indoctrinaded for a whole century" and "EVERYONE is capable of great good and great evil." Characters are redeemed in the show ALL THE TIME, and the last episode has Zuko, who was victimized by Ozai his entire life, say that he now believes even Ozai isn't beyond redemption - provided, of course, that he ever bothers to put any effort into it.

The show is well-aware that not everybody wants a second chance. Or a third, or a fourth, and so on. That not everybody even DESERVES said chances. But that the door should remain open anyway because that's the only way to move forward - and that doesn't have to mean "Let the bad guys walk all over you." Ozai, who has yet to show any remorse for anything, is still in jail, without his bending and political power, meaning he cannot hurt anyone (which he explicitly would have done if he could) and that's where he'll stay until he decides to change. Zuko and Iroh, who are already sorry, get to live in harmony with others.

This is as close to "fair" an inherently unfair situation could ever get.

[hashtagloveloses]

any time i fall into a depressive episode i have the devastating urge to rewatch fullmetal alchemist, and the october 3rd memes also gave me the urge again. so instead of rewatching, i did something i've been wanting to do for a long time instead - looked up the sheet music for parts of the score to learn on the violin. i'm DECENT on the violin but not the best, so i thought resembool's lullaby would be relatively easy to learn with a bit of practice. i went to sight read it, and despite listening to it constantly, realized quite quickly how it was deceptively way more difficult than i thought. it has a lot of double stops, AKA when you have to play two notes on two different strings at the same time, and getting them to sound good requires a good amount of technique.

there's the basic melody that pretty much anybody could hum, but the texture between and on top of the main melody that makes it special is the hard part. after seeing 800 memes about october third "fail to resurrect your mom and burn your house" day, i realized that the song itself about the elric brothers' home represents the deceptive nature of the taboo they tried to enact. resembool's lullaby, the musical motif that runs through all their travels and follows them just like the horror they experienced after what they did as kids, consists of a few basic, easy to acquire melodic "ingredients", just like the material ingredients edward lists off that physically make up the human body. it is only when attempting to play the theme, just like the boys' attempt at human transmutation, that you realize the extra spark that makes the song come alive, just like a human being, can't be done without a cost. in the song, obviously it is technique and practice, and for human transmutation, it is a soul, which can only be gotten at a price.

this theme shows up a lot in fullmetal alchemist brotherhood - often with a choir, or an orchestral arrangement, but not always the solo violin. the solo violin, though, still has these incredibly difficult chords you have to play the whole time. the most BASIC form of this motif and this theme HAS to have two notes played at the same time through most of it, just like how the elric brothers cannot be apart from each other. the story, the lullaby, their fates, it's always about the two of them, no matter the cost, even in how the music is played.

EDIT: also, the FIRST version on the OST is Lullaby of Resembool, which is played by solo cello, I believe. While the LAST version on the THIRD VOLUME OST is Resembool's Lullaby, which is the solo violin version with the double stops. The themes show up everywhere, but if the solo cello version shows up in the first season and the solo violin version shows up in the last, it resembles how Edward felt alone in trying to get his brother's body back at the beginning, and how at the end they are completely reunited again, even though they shared the same melody, the same story and struggle, the whole time.

[lesbians4armand]

oooookay i need to talk iwtv finale again so spoilers below

i was going through all five stages of grief last night i cant lie. i do like the episode i think it was really really well done and incredibly well performed and a brilliant setup for an already confirmed third season.

the part i got upset about was the revelation that lestat saved louis, not armand, that felt very destructive and out of character at first but the more i think on it the more it makes sense.

I do believe armand loved louis, i think he fell in love with him in paris and has been trying to cling to that since, however i think during that time he saw it as unrequited- louis not loving him back, refusing to accept that they were companions, still being hung up about lestat.

One of the most important things about armand is how deeply lonely he is and how afraid he is of that loneliness. I think he knew that when presented with this choice by the coven, it was to stay with them, let louis die in the trial and have security and companionship even if he hated himself for it and was miserable, or to save louis and have only him, who he viewed as not even loving him back anyway, despite all his attempts. it was 13 or 1, with no guarantee and even very little likelihood that that 1 would stay.

It wasn’t until madeleine tells armand that she can tell louis loves him that he realised that he was wrong, but it was too late. he had a chance for a genuine love and relationship with louis, but he couldn’t bear the risk of losing him that he completely sabotaged it anyway before it could truly begin.

Then lestat, the trial, claudia’s death. If he had saved louis, louis still would have loved lestat more, never be satisfied, and be forever changed by the loss of claudia which he would forever blame armand for not stopping it. which is what we see in dubai (and san francisco) when louis does believe armand saved him.

But then lestat saves louis, again proving to armand that it would forever be them who love each other, he can never have either.

With louis in the crypts and not dead, it was either let him die then, which by that point was meaningless as the coven already thought he saved louis, and he had lost his security and relationship with them, again facing loneliness he couldn’t bear, or save him now and take credit for it, letting louis kill the coven and go on to be with him even because of a lie, because otherwise he would have nothing else, no one else.

Armand cannot be alone, he doesn’t know how to be, he needs to serve someone somehow, its his only way of knowing love and staying alive, even if it becomes controlling, manipulative and abusive. he doesn’t know or remember anything more than those behaviours.

All in all, armand loved louis, the love was never fully reciprocated, armand couldn’t bear this and the threat of losing everything to it, agreed to kill louis alongside claudia, but when the plan backfired and lestat saved him, he could only lie and say he did instead to prevent himself for being entirely alone. even if louis would never truly love him back and would always want lestat, his true saviour.

it’s horrible and tragic and heartbreaking and a cycle of broken ideas of love and abuse. and unfortunately very in character, despite what i said yesterday. it is very in character for armand to have an all or nothing approach. and its a learned behaviour.

(not to mention armand actually did give up his entire coven for lestat a century prior which did leave him entirely alone when lestat did not want him, he was not going to do that again, even if it meant self sabotage and losing someone he loved)

[caseyscraftycorner]

hey folks, this is a long one, so before i get into it i'll just put the tldr here: i'm gonna be stepping away from social media for a while. i may still post sometimes, i (probably) wont disappear entirely. but i'm going to be taking a step back and focusing on my health for a bit.

okay, long version under the cut. CWs for bipolar one and psychosis.

i'm pretty open about my mental illnesses, at least the shapes of them, and that is not limited to tumblr. if anything, i am actually less open about them here than i am irl. there's several reasons for this openness, chief among them being that i believe it is good for people like me -- people who have "severe" or "scary" mental illnesses, who are seen as normal by others -- to be open about their experiences if they have the freedom and stability to do so safely.

in 2021, after about a decade of symptoms, i was finally diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic and ocd features. with the diagnosis came treatment options that stabilized me so much that not only have i been stable since 2021, i also managed to quit therapy in 2022 -- and i had been in therapy since I was 7 years old.

bipolar as an illness is complicated. especially bipolar one, and especially with psychotic features. its a complication i managed to survive navigating for over a decade of no treatment, but it is, still, complicated. I experience severe depressions and worse manias. i also experience a particular hell known as "mixed episodes" which are basically all of the self-hatred of depression and all of the motivation and impulsivity of mania, which is about as dangerous as you would expect. add in the fact that i get psychosis basically instantly when i am manic (or mixed) and it becomes easy to see how this shit ends up really messy really fast.

now, as i said earlier, my medication works well for me. it has kept me stable for the last 4-ish years. but treating bipolar is always very tricky, and that is for three main reasons:

first, the medications are harsh and difficult to balance. too much and the side effects become unbearable, too little and they don't work. in addition, 'breakthrough episodes' -- mood episodes that occur while on medication -- are normal. it is essentially impossible to eliminate breakthrough episodes without worsening quality of life substantially. i (like many people with bipolar one) take enough medication that i don't get dangerously manic or depressed, and my little episodes are limited to no more than about a week or two a year.

second, bipolar, like many mental illnesses, is stress triggered. both my episode frequency and my episode severity are heavily tied to how stressed i am. if i can keep my stress minimal, i can keep my episodes infrequent and mild. i am, genuinely, very good at managing stress. i can take a lot before the consequences start to show.

third, like many with bipolar one, when i get a Bad Episode -- whether it's depression so bad i cant leave my bed or mania so severe i have lost touch with reality -- i have roughly 12-48 hours warning, and that's if im lucky. oh, and that warning comes in the form of mild mania or depression symptoms that i may or may not actually have the awareness to understand.

the reason i am spelling it out like this (besides, again, that i believe it to be important to talk about) is to demonstrate to you just how similar my brain is to a bomb. if i get too stressed and my medication cannot keep up with my symptoms, i will very rapidly enter an episode, and my episodes can become life-destroyingly severe near instantly.

everyone is stressed right now, because everything sucks. i don't need to explain that to you. but also, to call current events triggering is an understatement -- delusions i experienced for years are genuinely happening right now, and i can feel the pressure starting to build internally.

so. i'm taking a break. because i have to. because i can't not take a break right now.

i want to stress that i am safe. my husband has a good income and we have lots of savings, should we need them. i have friends and family and support to get me through this.

it wont be easy, not by any measure. but ive been through hell before. I know how to hunker down and keep myself alive, so that's what im going to do. and it'll suck, of course it'll suck. but i'll make it through this, and that's what's important right now: just making it through this.

[blueishspace]

Third part of my Pearl Double Life pov rewatch/ analysis.

The finale.

P1 / P2

Episode 5. Reunion.

Session 5, finally, Pearl and Scott working together again and it doesn't really look bad, like they act way more calmly then I expected them to. Like, Pearl's ends session 4 on absolute low and yet... She's ok? She's there with Scott and Cleo making jokes about other people and not being mean to eachother whatsoever. All antagonism in this section is done by Pearl in the form of slightly suggesting they aren't friends in front of BigB and even then she's not even being serious about it. She has gone full circle, lost her mind so much she's back to normal or something... And then she goes manic again but it was nice while it lasted.

And then Scar comes again, this time with cactus, and Pearl despite being completely chill with Scott, the pettiest member of the life series, at this point in time and she still jumps onto cactus. Not even for Scott, not really, I don't think she even tought of him during the whole thing. She literally jumps on the cactus for fun and no other reason whatsoever.

And the thing is Scott and Cleo haven't called Pearl insane in the whole session, earlier Cleo called her "ultrasonic" over saying she's insane. They are clearly trying to not use that specific word around her for her sake. And when he tells Grian and Scar to leave he corrects himself and tells Pearl to make them leave, ultimately giving Pearl the final say. But Grian and Scar don't really care, they play it up, it is the perfect plan because "no one wants to deal with Pearl's insanity" and only then does Cleo use to word and they do so only to say that they have.

While Scar and Grian use Pearl's insanity as a way to scare off reds... Trying multiple times and then ditch her... Scott and Cleo bring her aside and give her enderpearls to give her a chance to escape. Sure It's strategic since Scott and Pearl share health but Grian and Scar are litterally horrible to her and nobody ever cares. Justice for Pearl!

Episode 6 p.1 Something wicked.

This session starts with a bit of espionage, I forgot about that actually... This rewatch is making me notice how I forgot about older series... Still there is surprisingly little Scott-Pearl interactions that are either negative or very positive... Except she says to the reds that Scott and Cleo wouldn't trust her and she's straight up lying about that because she just said that she has connection with them at all. Also she's really good at lying because to trow off suspicion she pretends they are there listening in when they are not as far she knows.

Also the red keep killing her dogs, she's not having a good time, she's having an awful time, she's so distressed she can't even be unhinged.

Episode 6 p.2 The End.

Voilà, they talk about it finally... and it doesn't do anything.

Why? Because they talk about it but don't communicate, they forgive eachother both of them keep the idea they had, they both believe they are fully in the right.

Scott still cannot seem to grasp how hurt Pearl and Pearl cannot see how going to the nether hurt Scott.

So they talk but no communication actually happens.

Still this brings me to Wild Life, Pearl makes sarcastic comments about Double Life despite her forgiving Scott at this specific point in time so uh alright... And then Scott dies and she with him. And she ditches him as karma, despite forgiving him.

Also, Scott suggests the Tilly death do us apart here. It's not something that he comes up with in the last confrontation. It's a thing he and Pearl come up together with at this specific point in time while they split off.

Finally half a session, the finale. I think there's not much to say that hasn't been said already. But neither of them expected to win, Scott choice is made in a rush because something he didn't expect happened and he just happened to have tnt. This could have gone so differently if he didn't. Some people say that "Tilly death do us apart" upon inspection doesn't really makes sense as a line but he didn't really have time to come up with a different one did he? Again, them winning was not expected. So he said something he and Pearl come up with at the start of the session and stuck with it.