#I'm learning how to do it and how to apply the things I know but

[theoretically-questionable]

I used to live with someone with a pathological degree of demand avoidance around necessary maintenance, cleaning, and tasks. Sometimes they would cause a problem and just... hide it.

It drove me nuts. At one point, I was just seething with frustration: we were both adults, but it felt like I was living with the world's most petulant teenager.

Then, one evening, we were talking about family, and they said something offhand about how they were never able to communicate honestly with one of their parents because "nothing was ever good enough". I asked a follow-up question, and then spent the next few days consumed with a desire to tear that parent apart with my teeth.

In short, my friend had lived for two decades and change with a parent convinced that negative feedback and 'tough love' was the best way to ensure discipline and competence. Instead, as evidenced, this approach had produced an adult who only had negative associations with trying to improve or take responsibility for literally anything.

This conversation, and the follow-up ones, run through my mind every time my own child, who is a toddler, trots up to me and says "oh no! i broked it!" or, worse, the delughtfully ambiguous "oh! a mess!" (which could mean anything from "a cat threw up and I trod in it" to "i have deliberately drawn on the wall with crayon again and then remembered I'm not supposed to do that".

Because, unsurprisingly, I have been deathly serious about not providing negative feedback when things go wrong, and DOUBLY so when Toddler actually tells me something went wrong.

I don't get annoyed with them. I don't tell them off. I don't even force them to take part in the clean-up if they refuse.

"Oh but then they'll never learn to be careful and avoid these things in the first plac-"

*worlds loudest incorrect buzzer sound*

Here's a surprise: people don't like it when things go wrong. Children are, importantly, a type of people.

Kids don't enjoy living with mess! Kids like knowing where to find things! Kids like it when things are easier, rather than harder!

Young Toddler is currently both capable of and willing to notice and clean up spilled drinks and dropped food by themselves, without being asked, without distress. They are also getting better at avoiding these things.

They are *two* years old, and they have achieved a set of skills that, apparently, according to parents around me, teens can't master.

It is really easy and important to apply tenderness when teaching, otherwise you run the risk of teaching the honesty out of your kids.

I was like 11-12 years old when I figured out at a boring-ass church activity that you could put rocks into little plastic spoons and then pelt people who annoyed me with them. I did this for the rest of the activity, and at Sunday dinner the next night was bragging about my victory (cornering the mean kid who picked on my youngest brother and pelting him with rocks). One of my cousins was like “no way, that sounds SO fun! Let’s do that RIGHT NOW!” So we grabbed spoons and went and got pebbles from the back yard and launched them at each other.

The problem was my grandma sold her soul for the world’s most resilient plastic spoons so we could launch those fuckers HARD. I gave out welts like candy on Halloween, and I got them back in kind.

So we resorted to taking cover and giggling until we got whacked, then yelping, then returning fire.

My cousin hid in my grandpa’s little fishing boat. It was a good boat, but simple and honestly underused. We didn’t know the little windows on it, meant to keep the wind out of my grandpa’s face while he drove, were cracking. However, they were definitely cracking. Eventually it became obvious and we realized we had been being dumb.

This was NOT the first time in my life I’d been dumb roughhousing and broken something, and I had developed a reputation in my family as being “suicidally honest” so I was the one to deliver the bad news. My grandpa let out a pretty good chuckle and said it was OK, tousled my hair, and asked my grandma to bring me cake. I am not kidding. I learned later he hated his boat and only bought it for his kids’ sakes, since he thought everyone needed to know how to fish. At the time though I was just bewildered and pleased at my good fortune. FINALLY, at long last, being honest and telling the truth about breaking something expensive was getting me cake. I knew if I kept trying it would eventually serve me, and now so had CAKE. I was pleased as could be.

My dad, on the other hand, was livid. He LOVED that boat. He spent several weeks each summer recovering from breaking ribs in that boat every year for about 7 years prior to this incident. He had great memories and memories that boat. So he told my Grandma NO cake for me AND that I’d be coming by this weekend to fix stuff around the house and pay for the broken window with my babysitting/lawn mowing money.

Obviously I was devastated, but that felt more in-line with the way things normally went when I broke something expensive so I just figured it was OK. My grandpa gave my grandma a look and sadly said “Ok, have her here on Saturday to help me with some yard work.”

That Saturday my dad woke me up at 6:00 sharp and drove me, sleepy and bewildered, to my grandpa’s house. He was mumbling under his breath the whole time but he thought he was teaching me consequences for my actions so he was ultimately OK with it.

We get to my grandpa’s house at 6:15. My grandpa is outside with a ladder hanging Christmas lights. The lawn is freshly mowed, the trees and garden are weeded and well-tended to, the carnations in the front yard look immaculate, and my grandpa has this giddy mischievous look on his face. He tells me he was so excited that I was coming over that he couldn’t sleep, so he did all the yard work himself. He asked me to help him put up Christmas lights and decorate the Christmas tree, which I did, then said that because I was such a good helper I could have some pancakes for breakfast. I was sent home with the slice of cake I had been denied the week before, wrapped to keep it as fresh as possible.

The whole way home my dad looked a little miffed, but told me that he was glad I had been honest and was proud of me for helping grandpa. I know he wanted me to Learn a Lesson™️the cowboy way, like he had as a kid, but didn’t have much room to complain since I’d still been Put To Work.

I think that was a lesson for both of us, although I’m not totally sure what it was supposed to show me. I think it was my grandpa’s way of showing my dad that discipline without tenderness doesn’t count as much. He died last year and I miss him terribly, as does my dad. I hope that my story of victory, drama, punishment, and ultimately a secret second victory is meaningful to someone else out there, but if not it still means a lot to me ❤️

[myceliacrochet]

Reblog if answer tysm!!

Buckle up people this one hurts.

Our society is pretty scared of people who are in great pain, even offended with them.

The feeling I get when speaking with Hala and reading her posts is, here is a person who has been undergoing psychological torture for 400+ days without relief.

True of all Palestinians in Gaza -- just the overwhelming impression I get with Hala.

And Hala Farid Suleiman al-Najjer is not someone who complains over small things. She maintains a trust in justice and goodness, in patient longsuffering and God's plan.

She is incredibly resilient

She is steadfast

She is screaming

She is screaming into the void

She is screaming at an unlistening world that has made and broken promises to her, a world that watches with glee as she and her people are tortured and killed.

I've said before that speaking with Hala can be disturbing. I'm scared of what I'm seeing happen to her.

Of course, we ought to speak in the active voice -- what Israel and the U.S. are doing to her right now, on purpose.

If your tax dollars have ever gone to the IDF, or if you are a person of privilege in some way (recognizing that that is not a criticism of you), here is a beautiful chance to pay some reparations and relieve some suffering.

A coward hides from the people who are suffering the most in the world, reprimands them, reviles them to mitigate his own cognitive dissonance.

A person of honor and courage loves.

Hala mentions in her GoFundMe that they pray that an angel will rescue them.

I believe in human angels -- a vast village of people working together to help.

You know, we mostly see on here the tip of the iceberg -- the Palestinians who have somehow been able to get vetted, show the exact right pictures, say the right things, learn how to use Tumblr.

It's my impression that Hala does not have the strength to do more than she is doing (which is a lot more than I would be able to do in her place).

Hala and her family much, much prefer that donations be sent through PayPal. They arrive faster, and this family needs swift relief.

Due to this, it is hard to track her donations, especially because it pains her to talk about any of this so I try not to pry. But it sounds like they have rarely ever gotten donations.

However, they also have a GoFundMe if the donation protection is important to you.

Vetting: Clean RIS, donation-protected GFM. I apologize that there is no vetting information for her and a couple of the Palestinians in my life. Use your own judgement. If it's a con, it's a weird one that doesn't follow the patterns I'm familiar with. Actually, it doesn't even follow the patterns of the kind of legitimate campaigns that are essentially manipulative (an understandable tactic when your family is dying). It's just screaming in despair and a wretched hope beyond hope.

Anyway, if you want to volunteer to help her apply for vetting, be put in contact with her, or offer verification info, please dm me.

@commissions4aid-international @wellwaterhysteria @mangocheesecakes @kyra45-helping-others @7bittersweet @321butz @monika-396 @erameteors @tortiefrancis @ot3 @amygdalae @ankle-beez @dykesbat @aristotels @komsomolka @prisonhannibal @rosawo7 @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @heritageposts @watermotif @stuckinapril @mavigator @lacecap @determinate-negation @deepspaceboytoy @paper-mario-wiki @kibumkim @socalgal @chilewithcarnage @ghelgheli @sayruq @rooh-afza @knownoshamc @the-awkward-reblobber @soft-sunbird @cockworkangels @dannyketch @cramenjoyer @oreobunny2 @fireyfobbitmedicine @muminshoom @thedigitalbard @timogsilangan @tboynut @wildfeather5002 @fancy-feast-official @honeytonedhottie @cheloneuniverse @roseillith @thelastharbinger

[kiwiweewee]

Like a Prayer

It's wild to me that Madonna's Like a Prayer has become this superhero genre, intense, emotional song. Mainly because the song's history. I've been on tiktok and I've seen the choir version of the song played for edits of Batman and various other heroes and while I'm glad the song is popular, it's kinda crazy that it is being applied the way it is. The song was really controversial upon its release. I only learned about this because I had a young high school teacher who was writing his own curriculum and decided to talk about it one day, so shout out to Mr. Challinor. Like a Prayer was considered controversial not only due to its religious theming/language in an otherwise sexual song but also because of the music video. The song itself. As said above, there's a lot of religious language that serves as a double entendre to sex. It's worth mentioning that the setting of the music video is a church, so Madonna sings this while surrounded by religious imagery. "I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there" "In the midnight hour, I can feel your power" "I close my eyes, Oh God I think I'm fallin" But this isn't the only thing to get her in trouble. The music video got her into hot water as well. While less sexual than the lyrics, it was a reflection of America and its politics. Madonna's character witnesses the brutal robbery and possible sexual assault of another woman by a group of white men. These men also kill the woman. A black man tries to come to the woman's rescue as the men leave, but when the police arrive, he is arrested for the murder. Madonna's character hides in a church and reflects on what she witnessed. Nearby, there is a statue of a saint who resembles the black man from earlier. Madonna falls asleep and has a dream, where she is kissed by this saint. She awakes and decides to go to the police to give her account of what happened. There are several depictions of burning crosses, something the kkk would often do. The audience knows the black man is innocent, so his arrest is suggested to be more than a wrong place at the wrong time scenario. He, like many black people in America, is considered a criminal/suspect out of prejudice. This whole plot may not seem radical now, but at the time, Madonna received a lot of hate. The Vatican condemned the video, several religious and family groups protested its broadcast, and she lost her Pepsi sponsorship after they used the song in an add and a boycott on the soft drink began. So you can see why I think it's wild how such a controversial song turned around to be a new superhero anthem. I actually like Deadpool and Wolverine's use of the song. The music video's message and subject of minority treatment is something that connects well to the X-Men canon. It's also a spoof on masculinity in a sense, with these big muscular men having this emotional handholding moment while Madonna, a notable queer icon, plays. I have no qualms with its usage in the film and I think it's inclusion is very deliberate. I'm actually not against the usage of it now. I guess that I'm just in awe at the massive turnaround this song has had in the way it's viewed. And hey, a bop's a bop, right?

[hellogoodbyeitsme]

Watching Collab videos back and spending the whole time going SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP because I yap SO MUCH,,,,,,, my guy do you know what TURN TAKING IS

[creations-by-chaosfay]

If you're interested in textile art, please understand it will not end at one of the arts. Interested in weaving? There are many different types, so now you're learning about the culture these styles come from, and with that comes learning about their clothing. Now you're interested in learning how to sew clothing, and much of it has some kind of embroidery. So you do research and see how beautiful it is, and different types of embroidery exist. You decide to learn embroidery and get curious about lace because often they're seen together.

Prepare for a journey and get real good at organizing. You'll soon lose space because of supplies and tools.

[classicslesbianopinions]

the thing about being a disabled grad student is that if you want even half a chance you constantly have to not only reveal but interrogate and explain your softest most vulnerable parts. while people around you act like this is just completely normal and actually that is not the softest most vulnerable part of you and actually you are exactly the same as all of them. so you feel like you are in disguise as exactlythesame while also completely exposed. and you just have to live like that. absolutely insane

[batemanofficial]

hello upper middle class northern usamerican tumblr user. i want to play a game. you will notice that you are in a super america convenience store in rural kentucky - you have three minutes to purchase a snack and drink of your choice and make normal small talk with the cashier. however, if you use the word "cryptid" or generally make reference to appalachia and its inhabitants as "wild", uncivilized, or lacking restraint around alcoholic beverages during your time here, i will personally tie you to the chassis of a four wheeler and tip it into the river. live or die. make your choice

[autumnoakes]

yeah, there should be a course in high school on how to do taxes, apply to jobs and all that, etc. but you know what else there should be? a crash course on accessing healthcare

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

Contemplating the concept of "potential" when it comes to intelligence and realizing how heartbreaking Logan's "Dreams come true, that's news to me" line in the Crofters Musical.

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

Okay but what is this class?

So, within the film school were 3 areas of study, and you had to pick ONE to do:

Telecommunication law and policy.

Media Sciences (The academic studies. If they could show you something and put electrodes on your head to read your brain, they're happy)

Design and Production-- actually making shit. Scriptwriting, studio, field production, sound design, editing, etc.

I did a self-created hybrid major, bridging Media Sciences with Design and Production.

----

Laid that ground information because I can only describe the classes from the way I approached them. The media psychology students got something totally different out of it and my brain just doesn't stop where theirs stopped.

If I mention the sex class, I'll end up writing that 100,000 word essay on how it is applied to LITA, so let's talk the horror one (my fav).

What the class does is get into physiologically, what happens to a person while watching horror? A lot of that is really obvious- you can become tense, anxious, your stress levels actually go DOWN overall (which is not how it feels in the moment), and you experience a rush of adrenaline.

Then you dig deeper. What is contributing to the tension? The human brain processes things at different speeds, sight is slower than sound. So sound mixing becomes both critical to creating a horror atmosphere, and also a cheat code. Anything becomes spooky if it SOUNDS spooky.

Monkey brain hear spooky, monkey brain no like spooky. Now it's dark. Monkey brain cannot see danger approach. Monkey brain fight or flight grow big.

Now, if you don't have a valve to bring the tension down (something scary, jump scares are the most lazy way), monkey brain get bored. Monkey brain start adapting to the adrenaline and your adrenal gland is like "Guys this party sucks".

And that's why M. Night Shamalan movies blow. Level tension. So at the end when he tries to ramp it up your brain has already gotten bored and gone home so it's just like "Who the fuck cares".

What else is in horror movies? Violence!

But guess what? Monkey brain feel things if they see gruesome stuff. Boy monkey brains especially.

But what's this? Girl monkey brains are different than boy monkey brains. Girl monkey brains have SO MANY MORE nerve endings (that equals empathy). You show gruesome to girl monkey brain, girl monkey brain is like "childbirth and periods are more gruesome than this" (girl monkey brain not the most feminist, the feminism comes from evolution and enlightenment).

But you show a girl monkey brain the FACE of someone in pain- the agony and the terror... That's going to slam into those nerve endings and activate Empathy Mode- and now you can imagine how that violence FEELS.

Know your demographic- based on your subject matter, the likely ratio of boy monkey brains to cater to vs girl monkey brains. Set your balance of violence and face shots to keep both on the same page with that tension you are rising and lowering.

And I did say I didn't want to get into the sex one because I don't want to rabbit hole, but sex and horror tend to walk hand in hand because they're such primal triggers.

That's the "monkey brain" theme up there. They are not speaking to you as a rational human person. They're speaking to the root code of your DNA (do not try to hijack my post to argue anti-feminist things because of monkey brain, I'm talking horror and sex).

They're poking at instinctive responses you do not consciously control on average.

So yeah

I created a hybrid major track for myself within the department (I love that my uni gave students the freedom to do that) to study media psychology and apply it not to research on the human condition, but to learn to basically brain wash and mind control my audiences.

To reach into the monkey brain and hypnotize them until they end up- as the video game design majors would say- in a flow-state where time stops existing. Just the story is left. Like a dream you don't realize you are dreaming.

... ... ... When my professor realized how I was mixing the two tracks, he started calling it the Super Villain Major.

I have no regrets.

[theswedishpajas]

Really liked this recording and thought I might as well post it?

There are a some extra high notes in this though so be careful!! I'm a very squeaky goat!!!

[kuiinncedes]

what do u meannnnnnn i'm abt to be post college graduation 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

[wereh0gz]

Wow dropping almost all of my classes except for one really was the best thing I could've done right now huh

Wish I could've dropped all of them tho. Or better yet just not have started college at all

[youremyonlyhope]

Pippin is my favorite musical of all time.

But unfortunately, I seem to fixate on it during times of my life when my brain is especially existential, anxious, depressed, etc.

The last few days, I've been thinking about Pippin a lot, reading analyses of it, listening to the music. Just generally enjoying my comfort musical.

Then I remembered that earlier this week, my therapist heard me describing how I feel unfulfilled while unemployed and doing a lot of stuff for other people or to make other people happy and not doing anything for myself, all while having a completely messed up sleep schedule. And she said "Hmm... honestly... that sounds a little like depression."

And I was like "No. No. Because I am doing things. It's not like when I've been depressed in the past." but now that I'm back to fixating on Pippin, I think she was somewhat onto something since that's usually a bad sign. Yay!

[notjanine]

i’ve submitted well over 50 job applications this summer. tell me why the one (1) position i’ve made the most progress toward is one i didn’t even apply for???* and THEN. yesterday. one of my preceptors from the internship i just finished emailed me out of the blue like Hey i'm gonna have an open position at my private practice soon, are you interested?** girl what the fuck is going on here***

[butchdomesticwhore]

why is it so hard to recognize that all this info about bills and such is something you can acquire via googling and making phone calls to people who work in these departments and--yes!--asking them questions on what your best next step is? how does making this about systemic oppression help you or anyone else complete practical, adult tasks? when you point at a paper bill from a medical institution and declare it fundamentally classist, does the bill magically crumple into the dust, the issue dealt with and over because you aptly named the systemic issue at play? no!

do you get angry at mechanics when they tell you they have an idea regarding how your car could be fixed, also? how does that help you? what have you learned from deciding to be angry as opposed to using the information dealt to you? perhaps you should not be told by cashiers either about when the sales happen or how items are put on clearance lest their Insider Knowledge tell you something you don't know and--gasp--come from a place of privilege.

the point of my info and OP's is practical use. "if you have this problem, [x] might solve it." privilege or no, how the info is acquired doesn't matter as much as whether or not it's accurate and helps people. and despite your daftness, i very much hope any of this info helps YOU. or if not you, then someone you know. or someone completely random, i don't give a damn.

Ok so my kid had an ear infection, right? As kids often do.

The doctor scraped out a bit of earwax to have a better look inside.

I was sent a bill for $200 PER EAR for this 5 second procedure which I did not give permission for them to do.

That was key- they did not ASK me if they could do this "procedure". And, as I OWN a medical practice (it's me. The medical practice is me, sitting in my house on video calls) I knew to call them when this bill came in to be like "You did not obtain informed consent for this procedure, and it was not en emergency procedure. You had full ability to gain my consent and didn't. I'm not paying."

And the massive hospital who owned the bill said "yuh-huh you do have to pay."

And I said "I own a practice. I know these laws. I do not owe you money for this."

And they conducted an "internal review" and SURPRISE! Decided I totally owed them money and they had never done anything wrong ever.

And so I called my state's Attorney General office, and explained the situation because, as I mentioned, I know the law. The AG got in touch within a couple days to say they were taking the case and would send the massive hospital conglomerate a knock it off, guys letter.

Lo and Behold, today I have a letter where said hospital graciously has agreed to forfeit the payment.

"How not to get screwed over by companies" should be part of civics class.

Know your rights and know who to call when they're infringed on. This whole process cost me $0 and honestly less effort than I would have expected.

May this knowledge find its way to someone else who can use it.