#I'm just trying to get the pain and the sadness out
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kkyiu · 3 days ago
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heart locket.
anton lee x reader
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. . . confronting your ex was the last thing you needed amid a cold winter.
genre : angst , ex au
warnings : heartbreak , no use of y/n
wc . . 1.1k
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You wonder why you dragged yourself to the park at 3 AM to face your ex-boyfriend, but here you are, revisiting the wounds of your heart just by seeing him again.
The first thing you noticed seeing Anton for the first time in what feels like an eternity, was the silver necklace resting on his collarbone. The heart locket was hidden under his coat, but the intricate detailing of the chain could have you recognize it within a heartbeat.
It had been a year and four months since you two called it quits. You try your hardest to manipulate your mind to think it came to a mutual agreement, though it only aches your heart remembering how he took the initiative. After the breakup, Anton's whereabouts were nonexistent to you considering how he blocked you on everything and you were never close with his friends, so there was no way to find out how he was dealing with the breakup.
Only after several breakdowns and disassociations you went through at the expense of the breakup, you were slowly picking up the pieces of your heart. Anton wasn't occupying your thoughts anymore and you started going out with friends again. It’s safe to say you were happy again, thinking the same for the other party, but only way quicker on his side.
Well, the assumption of him moving on was soon to be proven false when you received a text from an unknown number, revealing it to be your ex, asking to meet.
A giant part of you wants to curse him out for breaking no contact to drag you outside in the cold. But another part of you hated the way you willingly let yourself obey his words.
Nevertheless, there he was right in front of you, dressed neatly in a black wool coat that complimented his tall figure which reminded you how much of a beauty he was.
You two were the only figures spotted in the park that was engulfed in darkness, the only sources of light being the dimly lighted broken street lamps and the illuminating bright moon. The bottom half of your face was buried under your big scarf to shield against the sharp breezes. You kept a safe distance from Anton because if you were any closer to him, you'd certainly let your guard down and take the opportunity just to cup his face once more. The necklace kept stealing your attention considering how intently you kept your eye on it.
The silence was finally broken when he said your name, his voice barely above a whisper. Hearing your name come out of his mouth in such a distant tone felt so foreign. "I'll just get straight to the point." He continued, "I regret every bit of it, I mean breaking up with you. I..I thought it was the right thing. My insecurities were eating me alive, and I kept thinking you deserve so, so much more than what I was offering. I know now that I was the biggest coward to do that," the smoke of his breaths was visible due to the cold while you kept listening. "I'm sorry for shutting out after the breakup and causing you pain."
You exhale a wobbly sigh, flashing him your glossy pair of eyes. Your eyes were already filled to the brim with tears and the sight broke him completely. “Anton…” He cut through your words and unknowingly took a step closer toward you, "I found myself going to every place we went, hoping to catch even a tiny glimpse of you, wishing that I could undo this mess." You just listened and listened, carefully taking in every word he said. Out of habit, Anton reached to the tiny necklace pendant of his for solace and you can’t help but crack a tiny sad smile.
You hadn’t realized how much the space between you two had closed and you swear you could catch snowflakes land on his eyelashes, dissolving within milliseconds. Seeing him this vulnerable made you want to take back all the hatred you had for him leaving.
"Your heart locket.” You finally acknowledge, and you notice his slow blinks in realization. He pursed his lips and undoes his clutch, revealing the silver heart-shaped pendant. He was taken aback that you called it out despite it being hidden under his coat.
He still recalls the day you gifted him it for his birthday early in the relationship. He'd proudly show not just you but everyone around him the small black-and-white photo of you smiling brightly. The necklace witnessed every moment of the relationship. From a full day of laughter on the beach, sharing the first kiss, and stargazing nights to petty quarrels, deafening yells, and a pool of tears during the final night of the relationship.
It was as if every memory he shared with you was captured in that tiny little pendant, and anytime it was open, everything would flood back up. He couldn't bring himself to take off the necklace because then it would mean losing you all over again and he couldn't bear to go through that the second time.
"This was all I had left of you." The locket was again closed in his fist and you could see his knuckles turning red from the biting cold. "I wish you knew that you were all I wanted," now it was your turn to speak, "I wish you knew that you were the only light through my darkest times and I didn't need anything else. So, yes, you sitting me down to say those three words hurt me an amount no words can summarize." You lock eyes with him, tiny apologies flooding in his dark orbs with a frown on his face.
Anton took another step closer, "Please..." he breathed your name once again, prompting you to shake your head, "Anton, no. It's been more than a year and I've moved on. I'm happy now." You say, though your words are unconvincing to him. “I swear I'll love you right this time if you just give me this chance." His soft-spoken voice became unsteady and a single tear ran down his cheek. Overtaken by emotions, Anton let his head wearily drop on your shoulder. You stood there frozen, contemplating what to do with your ex-boyfriend physically relying on your smaller build.
Your heart breaks for him and the least you could do was wrap your hands around his waist, hoping to console him with your touch. Getting carried away, your hand found its way to his hair gradually caressing his soft streaks. His muffled sobs accompanied you as you started to feel your wool coat getting damp.
Although it was truly tempting to drop everything and return to his love, you couldn't. For the sake of both of you, maybe locking up the memories in that heart locket will do nothing but good.
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genderqueerdykes · 3 days ago
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Really appreciate this blog and what it shares. Got into an arguement with someone who was a transfem TIRF (didn’t realize that was even a thing at the time lmao) and it left me feeling really upset due to the both gross ways she’d talked about trans men and the fact that she got a lot of support in the notes. So coming here and seeing in fact most people love and care about us transmascs is nice.
Won’t argue again next time I see an account like that cuz it’s kinda obvious people in those circles are prolly not getting out but yeah.
i am so sorry you had that experience. i'm glad you're advocating for yourself and choosing to not argue with that person again.
i honestly refuse to socialize with a person when i see them be that openly hateful with no attempts to change. i stopped talking to one of my old roommates after he started saying all kinds of transandrophobic shit, shitting on transmascs bodies and calling them gross because he's "gay" and could never be into vaginas or breasts. my ex (trans)gf literally fucking yelled at me for not wanting to be his friend after this. like actually fucking yelled at me numerous times. i asked her if she would be comfortable staying his friend if he was transmisogynistic toward her and told her her body was disgusting, and she said yeah of course, as if somehow that wouldn't cause her pain. nobody gave a flying fuck about how transandrophobia affects transmascs, so i said fuck all of you and stopped being their friends.
there are so many people who have gladly jumped on the rad fem train and it's so sad. that's no way to live your life. that's such a hateful ideology. rad feminism is nothing but hate. it's hate for yourself for being a woman because you equate womanhood to suffering. it's hate for other women because they're not women "right" like you are. it's hate for transmascs and trans men. it's hate for nonbinary people. it's hate for genderfluid people. it's hate for trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, gnc, bi, & pan lesbians. it's hate for butches who are men. for TIRFs in specific, it's hate for other trans people because they're "trans wrong". rad feminism is hatred all the way down no matter how you look at it. rad feminism will never be productive or progressive. it's about wallowing in your misery, mining for sympathy and pity, and crying about how you're powerless and defenseless instead of doing something about it. it's admitting defeat.
as a fellow transmasc, i'm just over it. i'm not gonna stew in self hatred. i had a friend who WAS transmasc who basically forced me to hate myself for being a trans man. always going on and on about how they hated certain transmascs and trans men, how they were "Whiny and entitled"... yikes dude. you can keep hating yourself over there, but i genuinely love being transmasc & a trans man. coming out as a trans man literally saved my fucking life. i was a depressed mess that hated myself before i came out. i've never loved myself more. and if someone else can't love what i love about myself? they're not worth my damn time.
i'm not here to throw transmascs under the bus just to kiss up to transfems to try to look progressive for brownie points. that shit is underhanded and dirty. we can support all trans people at once. we aren't football teams. you don't have to pit random queer identities against one another. we're on the same side. none of us are enemies. none.
thanks for taking the time to stop by! take care of yourself, i'm glad that i could help in any way. i am just OVER people forcing transmascs and trans men to hate themselves and exist solely to talk about trans women and transfems and nothing else. i am just over people making men and mascs feel like shit. it's done. it's over. i'm not participating, and neither are you. pack that shit up into a box, and throw it in the garbage. we're working together whether or not you like it. the only way we get out of this is together. our fight for liberation is NOT a crab bucket- you do NOT have to pull someone else down when you see them rise up and advocate for themselves.
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ierr · 15 hours ago
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I like you, but how do I tell you? // katsuki bakugo
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a.n ; guys I suck at summaries (which is why I don’t write most of em) 🙁 but trust I will get better!! this took a little long, but I still hope you guys enjoy!! would ya’ll like a pt 2? 👀👀 ALSO SERVER IS NOW UP, PLEASE JOIN🙏🏼🙏🏼
discord server!! - JOIN NOW
this was just great. what a wonderful week you had right? wrong. tonight just took the whole fucking cake of the week. here you are walking through the streets with a tank top, a black skirt and heels. you were supposed to be attending a party with your "boyfriend" but instead got hit in the fucking face with a welcoming surprise. when you walked into the house, the first thing you did was try to find him. looked in the kitchen, the living room, and finally upstairs. pushing past some people to get upstairs, you were gonna check the rooms but instead got hit with a welcoming surprise.
there he was with a semi tall blonde chick, deep kissing her, gripping onto her ass as her hands were in his hair. your heart had dropped, but you didn't feel sad no. you felt angry and…stupid. angry that after two years of dating, wasting your time. and stupid because the moment your best friend told you what he saw you didn’t believe him. alone in the dark as you walked, you pulled out your phone going straight to his contact, biting your lip you stopped walking for a second to stare at it.
'kat 🧡
you stood there just..looking at his contact name. you bit your bottom lip, clicking on the messages to see the last thing that was sent. "don't come running to me when you find out the type of guy he is." you clicked your tongue. whole time he was right, and you didn't listen giving him the benefit of a doubt. right now. he was your only option of getting a ride. you hovered over the call button, hesitant to press it, but looking around it was dark and cold. huffing in frustration you pressed on it putting it up to your ear starting to walk again, it was ringing which was good. only a few seconds went by before it went to voicemail, knew it.
"hey..kat. I know we haven't talked in over..two weeks, but uh..I kinda need you right now?. I'm stranded in a neighborhood, and I don't have money on me just..if you get this please call me back?." you sighed, hanging up the phone continuing to walk through the street. now you have no one, and have a 23 mile hike to walk back to your apartment. you huffed crossing your arms together deep in thought. you could imagine it already..the "I told you so" scoffing, hearing his voice in your head. a few minutes had passed by, still walking through the night grunting by the pain in your feet as you walked. when you made up the hill a bright light had came to your attention, and a loud engine revving making your ears perk up. you used your hand to cover the lights that were practically blinding you, but when they shut off a figure stepped out the car. you furrowed your eyebrows, reaching for the knife that was hidden in your sock before the figure came to the light.
your heart dropped. It was him. you wanted to run towards him and just..be in his arms, but you stood up straight, crossing your arms walking towards him who leaned against the hood of the car palms sitting behind him holding him up. the sound of your heels clicking against the ground made you even more embarrassed, as you walked up to him. he didn't say anything, but stare at you with a tilted head. katsuki raised a brow, you were in a black skirt, a white tank top, and black heels. "tank top and a skirt huh?." was the first thing he said scoffing, looking you up and down. you rolled your eyes looking away from him, "attending a party." he scoffed again nodding his head, "attending" right? then what's this?." he said obviously pointing out the obvious. you were standing in the cold with barely anything on. "was attending.." you looked away. katsuki grunted leaning up from the car to take off his jacket, when he didn't say anything you turned back to him only to see a jacket flying towards your face. "hurry up, and put it on before you catch a cold." you pulled the jacket off your face glaring at him, who looked back at you with a smirk getting into the black car.
you scoffed pulling the jacket onto your body going to the passenger side. It was nice and warm..you breathed in relief feeling the warmth engulf the coldness that once covered you. the car ride was very..awkward and silent, neither one of you said a word to each other. you're looking outside the car window seeing lights, and buildings go by as katsuki kept his eyes straight ahead, one hand on the steering wheel as the other on the center. the sound of his fingers tapping against the leather box gained your attention, looking from the window down at his hand then at him. your eyebrows scrunched up, you wanted to say something to him, but you couldn't find the right words.
he felt your eyes on him, he knew exactly what you were thinking. your face gave it away. katsuki grunted, stopping at a red light finally facing your way which caught you off guard. he just stared at you, like he was waiting for you to say something, but it was crickets. damn y/n!. get a grip. you cleared your throat looking back down, "thank you..for getting me." was all you said, but he raised a brow. that wasn't all you wanted to say. you wanted to apologize for getting mad at him..but you couldn't find the right words. you were such an idiot for not believing him from the beginning, "that all?." his voice spook, your eyes averting to his who stared back, your eyebrows furrowed.
It wasn't. you shook your head no, sighing. "I'm also..sorry for getting into that big argument..I should've believed you from the beginning, and i'm an idiot for not..i'm just really sorry kat.” it was silent. you stared at him waiting for an answer, but you didn’t get one. just a simple nod looking back ahead. though, you would be lying if you didn’t say that didn’t hurt feelings when it did, but you deserved it. you were an asshole towards him when he tried to tell you..looking down you fought the urge to cry. tonight was just so shitty. through the car ride it was silent again, as you looked out the window you recognized you were in your neighborhood, thinking he was taking you home getting ready to unbuckle, he drove right past your apartment.
your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. turning your head towards him, he stayed quiet, only keeping his eyes in front of him as he drove. if this was anyone else, you would’ve freaked out..but since he is your best friend, you trust him. as you guys drove through the city, you were starting to recognize this road..after a few more minutes, katsuki stopped the car. after the dull minutes of silence he spoke, “you’ve always said this view made you feel better, so.” your heart fluttered. “kat..you didn’t have to, you know?” you said with a light chuckle, hearing him snicker. “shut up idiot, I wanted to..” from hearing your voicemail, and picking you up he knew you finally saw what he saw that day. even though he’s still upset with you he wanted to make you feel better. he cared about you..a lot more than you think. you turned back to look at the view of the city, the lights, the water..it made you feel at ease.
now sitting on his hood, as you both were admiring the city he could tell you were feeling more better. your head laid on his shoulder, as you continued to look at city. you missed this. from the days you two had stopped talking, you thought he was just jealous of your relationship with e/n, and wanted to break up your guy’s relationship, but you were wrong. when bakugo told you he saw him with another girl, kissing, holding hands, you didn’t wanna believe him. now you feel stupid for not. katsuki cares about you, weather he has a hard time showing it, you mean everything to him. growing up, and graduating u.a together you guys are inseparable. though he is very good at hiding emotion, that day when you told him to fuck off, to leave you alone..he couldn’t lie, and say it didn’t hurt his feelings when it did.
hurts more when you have feelings for a girl who was already taken.
as the wind blew, taking him out of his thoughts he felt you shiver against him. though the jacket was keeping your top half warm, your bottom half is what bothered you, shivering again feeling cold air hit your legs. he looked down with a raised brow, grunting, bringing your legs to lay ontop of his, placing his hands on top of them. it took you by surprise looking up at him. usually he would always get annoyed or curse you out for putting your legs on him, but this time it was different. feeling his hands on your thighs, his palms started to heat up, “feel better?” he questioned, you hummed..slowly nodding your head. “much better..” he only hummed in response, continuing to look in the distance. this moment together felt right? every feeling you felt after you left that house disappeared like ocean waves..you felt safe with him. he felt safe with you.
feeling katsuk’s hand on your leg softly, caressing his thumb over your skin, you couldn’t help but smile a little, moving your hand to be placed on top of his. they were rough like always, but warm with a tent of softness to them. “It’s been awhile since we been up here.” you mentioned with a small smile, looking back at him, who grinned looking at you. you looked so..beautiful, “yeah?” you rolled your eyes, squeezing his hand. “you know it has…you didn’t have to do this for me.” again with that. katsuki scoffed, pinching your leg, “would you shut up? I said I wanted to dummy.” — “I’m just saying!” rolling your eyes, “this was really sweet of you though..even after what I’ve said to you.” katsuki felt a weird ping in his heart, but brushed it off shrugging. “It’s fine.” he felt more at ease knowing you’re finally done with that asshole..but his feelings for you only kept bothering and poking at him.
you guys spent a good hour viewing the city before he decided to drive you home, this time no awkward silence or tension. it was back to normal, which you were happy about. as katsuki pulled up in front of your apartment building, he parked the car. “thank you again kat, it means a lot to me.” you smiled, hearing a small hum. “don’t do no dumb shit again, ya hear?” you giggled rolling your eyes, “just get home safe, k?” as soon as you were about to leave the car, katsuki thought to himself..should he confess? should he not? unconsciously his hand shot towards your wrist, you paused feeling his hand turning back around to look at him with confusion. “what’s wrong?” fuck. why was this so hard? was this even a good moment to tell you? “I..uh.” I like you. say it, three simple words right? “something wrong kat?” his feelings. his eye brows furrowed… say it bakugo! “I’ll text you when i’m home.” fuck! you relaxed a little, nodding with a small smile, “you better!!” his heart pounded against his chest, watching as you closed the door walking into the apartment building. “fuck.” he growled, leaning back into his seat rubbing a hand across his face.
why was this so hard?
join the discord server!!
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lilimaginebean · 2 days ago
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five days — 五日
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synopsis: In which Kaiser fell in love with his tattoo artist, or in which Kaiser has only five appointments to convince you to go on a date with him.
note: hi :)
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🥀 Day 5
"Well, at least I'm still alive, right?" you said, trying to comfort Kaiser, who was sitting next to you with the saddest aura ever.
The nurse finally came in, stared at you in confusion, and approached both of you.
"Again? In the emergency room?" she asked, you could do nothing but nod, "What now?"
"Allergic reaction. So crazy, who would have thought I could be allergic to a particular dried fruit that is only grown in one village in Greece? Right?" you said, trying to sound funny, but the sore throat made it sound more painful than anything else.
"OK, come with me, again," the nurse said as she took you to another room, giving Kaiser a dirty look.
How did this happen anyway?
After the last tattoo session, you finished one of your best masterpieces. The tattoo ended up being pretty amazing, and you weren't the only one who thought so, Kaiser couldn't stop complimenting you and your tattoo. Of course, that piece of art wasn't your only happiness, as you and Kaiser finally got to go on a date.
However, before the date began, Kaiser once again asked your uncle for permission to take you out. Maybe this time it was because he was no longer a customer, or because your uncle felt empathy for Kaiser, or maybe because of the expensive watch Kaiser had bought for your uncle; but he accepted. You both fled before your uncle could change his mind.
The two of you could finally be together. No exams, no work, just the two of you. What you didn't expect was that everything would go wrong.
First of all, the really luxurious limousine that Kaiser had hired broke down. That wasn't too bad, as Kaiser had only hired it to get to the place he wanted earlier. Finally, they arrived at the first place of the date, which was a really nice picnic with some of their favourite books. It would have been great if it hadn't started raining. At least you two were able to save the books.
But it didn't stop there. He took you to the next stop, which was ice skating. Unfortunately, when you got there and were teaching Kaiser how to do it, some hyperactive kid went too fast and hit you, causing you to hit your head on the ice. So basically you were knocked out for a few seconds, and that ended with you going to the emergency room to make sure you were okay without any side effects. Luckily, it wasn't anything serious, so they let you go and kept the date.
The cherry on top? For dinner, Kaiser took you to the most expensive restaurant you've ever been to. Everything was going well until you found out that you were somehow allergic to one of the weirdest things the chef used. So you were checked twice in less than 3 hours to see if you were physiologically OK.
When your second check routine was over without a hitch, you returned to the waiting room and approached Kaiser. He was slumped in his chair, but fortunately his cap hid his frustration.
"Shall we go?" you asked him in a gentle tone.
He got up, took your hand and left. The two of you walked in silence to your apartment, you didn't know what to say to make him feel better and he was too mad to even talk. Once outside of your home, you stared at Kaiser, who had a sad expression on his face, and suddenly his stomach growled and demanded food.
"Just kill me," Kaiser admitted, feeling defeated by everything.
You chuckled.
"Come with me, I'll see what you can eat," you opened the door of the building where your apartment was and followed you inside.
Once inside your small but cosy apartment, you made him sit down in the living room and went into the kitchen. A few minutes later you returned with a plate of veggie sandwiches. You sat down next to him.
"Don't be sad, I really had fun with everything you planned," you said, comforting him.
He just picked up the sandwich, took a bite and stared at you.
"It's not that bad." Kaiser admitted, "Your lame veggie sandwich, I mean, the date went horribly. I really expected the date to end differently, not with me eating this."
You approached him.
"Hey the date hasn't ended yet, we can still turn it into something wonderful" you said confidently.
Kaiser stared at you curiously, wondering what you could do to turn this awful moment into at least a decent one. You stroked his hair, leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead, then on the cheek and finally on the lips.
"Better?" you asked him, raising an eyebrow.
He left the sandwich on the plate and gave you all his attention.
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this," Kaiser confessed in an enthusiastic tone, as if he were a fan who had just met his idol, "But… I bet you can do better, Liebling," he said in a cocky tone.
"Trust me, I can" you answered in the same tone
"Prove it."
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muscari-midala · 3 days ago
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Your Heart Pulling Against Mine - Pt 13
David 8 x Reader Words: 1978 Crossposted on Ao3 Part 12 is here
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You weren’t quite sure how or what you felt.  You weren’t even sure if you were fully present or beginning to dissociate. After being asked what had happened and recounting the story as best as you could, they tried to get you to rest, offering medication to knock you out, to spare you the pain, but you refused.
You wouldn’t leave this room. You needed to stay.
Back then, at least, you had been able to hold her hand until the funeral service came to take her lifeless form. Here, this time, you had nothing but the darkness and the flickering screens. And you would not run from it.
Speaking of holding hands - Elizabeth sat beside you, her fingers tangled with yours. David had said he’d be right back, arranging for someone to keep an eye on you after you decided to stay right where you were, unwilling to retreat. She volunteered, and the others went back to sleep, no one really knew how to handle this, how to help you, how to stomach the deaths themselves. So she sat beside you, trying to offer the strength you had given her just a few hours ago.
You didn’t say much. You just sat there. Eyes and throat aching, body heavy with exhaustion after everything that had happened today, soul feeling numb. She just brushed her thumb over the back of your hand, understanding that no words could lessen the pain, that this process was inevitable. She didn’t rush you, didn’t push you to speak. Just an anchor, steady and present. You looked up into her gentle eyes, and you saw it in them - she knew what you were going through. Weakly, you pressed her hand back, and she gave you a small sad smile.
A companion in misfortune, as it seems.
David returned, arms stacked with blankets and pillows, which he unceremoniously dropped onto the captain's seat before swiftly leaving the room again, only to return moments later, this time carrying a mattress. Without a word, he set it down at the front of the observatory space in the cockpit.
Raising a brow, you rasped, “What are you doing?” David turned briefly, tilting his head in silent inquiry. "You said you didn’t want to leave, but you need to sleep, especially after everything you’ve been through today. So if you won’t go to bed, I’m bringing the bed to you.”
Now it was Elizabeth who raised an eyebrow, curling the corner of her lip knowingly before standing up. "Well, I’ll leave you to it. He’s right - you need to rest, like we all do. Good night, (Y/N). I'm here if you need me, but you seem to be in good company.” She gave your hands one last gentle squeeze before heading toward her own quarters, leaving you two alone.
David stood in his green uniform, shaking out the pillows and blankets before arranging them into a soft nest for you. Every move was measured, looking practiced. Did he do something like this before, or was this pure instinct? It was sweet, how much he cared. You wished you could appreciate it more, if not for the relentless throbbing in your temples, and your mind being overladen with everything that happened in such a short amount of time.
Pushing yourself to your feet, you took Janek’s blanket with you and wobbled towards David, gripping the seats to keep yourself upright. He turned immediately, hearing you move around, brows knitting together as he hurried to your side, steadying you with firm hands. “I would have come for you. You don’t need to walk right now. Please- let me help you."
Putting your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself, you shook your head. "I’m strong. I can walk on my own." "You are strong," he agreed, "but that doesn’t mean I can’t try to take some of the weight off your shoulders. Let me."
Before you could protest, he lifted you with ease, simply hoisting your legs up, wrapping them around his middle, carrying you back to the mattress and carefully kneeling down, laying you on top of it. You winced as the shift in position sent another sharp pulse of pain through your skull. David frowned, watching you closely. Was that concern in his eyes? "Don’t move. I’ll bring you something."
As you lay there, your face turned toward the outside, taking in this beautiful yet deadly planet. Your mind began to wander. It didn’t take long before your gaze drifted into the void, fixating on a specific point along the frame that held the window.
Cold crept into your fingers, and everything grew quiet. Too quiet.
Silence wove a net around you, trapping you in its grip. Silence has always been your worst enemy. It was the reason David had knocked on your door that night - the silence of the spaceship had been deafening, and you had needed that movie, the presence of the voices, something to anchor you, to keep the spiral at bay. But the low hum of technology wasn’t enough. You barely heard it. Your senses reached for something, anything - but there was no ticking clock, no soft whirr of an old fridge, no raindrops tapping against the window or the walls, no cars driving past your room.
The silence haunted you. It was the sound of death.
It was fingers going limp in your grasp.
A body releasing its final breath.
Everything vanishing into nothingness.
David’s footsteps cut through the stillness. He sat down beside you, legs neatly crossed, holding up a steaming cup. He blew on it gently before offering it to you. “This will help, I am sure of it. Hot chocolate contains theobromine and tryptophan, which release serotonin and endorphins. And even if the effect is too mild, you need the fluid and the warmth it will provide.”
Carefully, you sat up, bracing for another shot of sharp pain, which thankfully did not hit. You took the cup into your hands and stared at it for a moment. You didn’t feel like drinking or eating anything - but maybe, just maybe, the sweetness of the cocoa would wash away the sour acid still clinging to your throat. Slowly, you took a tentative sip, testing the waters.
Your eyes fluttered shut. Warmth seeped back into your hands. The slight bitterness mixed with the sweetness was surprisingly calming and you took another sip. Then another. The warmth spread through you, curling in your stomach, seeping into your bones. You hadn’t thought that a cup of hot chocolate could do anything to ease this hell for a short moment.
As you finished up and lowered the cup from your lips, another wave of exhaustion crashed over you, weighing heavy.  For a short moment, your eyes drifted shut. David took the cup from your hands before it could slip, setting it aside, placing it somewhere on the ground.
And then, a soft pressure at the corner of your mouth. A touch so light you almost thought you imagined it. Your breath hitched, eyes fluttering open just in time to see David pulling back, licking over his lips. “There was some residue chocolate,” he murmured, almost absentmindedly. Could he become absentminded?
He unbuttoned his jacket, folding it into a neat pile before laying it beside the makeshift bed. Sliding down next to you, he adjusted the blanket, pulling it snugly over both of you. Gently, he guided you down to rest against him, his arm enveloping you in an embrace.
“You must rest. Your body and mind have endured a great deal of shock and trauma in a very short time,” David said matter-of-factly, his voice calm, steady. Staring at the ceiling, you replied, “I don’t want to sleep. If I close my eyes for too long, my mind will force me to confront this. And I can’t, David. I just can’t.” Your fingers curled around his arm, the one he had draped over you, seeking something - reassurance, stability, anything to keep you from spiraling further. Turning your head, you looked at his face. Too calm. Too beautiful.
“I knew their names for maybe an hour. A single hour. We woke up three days ago, and now they’re dead.” Your voice cracked, but you pushed forward. “I keep asking myself… should I have gone with them? Sean was scared. I should have been there.”
David’s hand moved to brush tear-dampened strands of hair out of your face. “You shouldn’t have,” he said softly. “I would not have been able to protect you if you did.” You met his gaze, those impossibly blue eyes, and gnawed at your lip. “But maybe they would still be here if I had.” A pause. “I think they were my friends. Even if it’s hard to know for sure, this is all happening too fast. I don’t even know what you and I are. Do you?”
Slowly, you rolled onto your side, resting a hand against his chest, feeling the soft texture of his grey shirt beneath your fingers, playing with it to keep your hands idle. “I thought this mission would be a ladder to something greater. A new life. Exploring a new world, maybe even becoming Professor (Y/N), with plants named after me.” Your voice wavered. “I want to go home, David. But there is no home to return to. Not really. Just an empty apartment. Nothing waiting.”
A shaky breath. A whisper.
“But… what if this was all a mistake? What if I will die as well?”
The words left your lips, trembling slightly, and David moved. His hand cupped your cheek with the weight of a thousand unspoken thoughts. “Enough,” he said, his voice low, measured, almost… commanding. “Stop imagining how it could have been different. Stop searching for guilt where there is none.”
His forehead pressed gently against yours, his eyes searching yours with an intensity that made your breath catch. And for a moment, there was nothing artificial about him - no programmed response, no predictable reaction. Just the direct way he looked at you. He was just...David.
“I will not let you be lost, I will not let you die. I will destroy everything that endangers you.”
Something in the certainty of his voice made your chest tighten. As if he wasn’t just offering reassurance - he was stating a fact.
His fingers trailed down your arm, slow, measured, until they found the pulse at your wrist. He pressed there, just enough to feel the rhythm of your heartbeat, as if reassuring himself that you were real, alive, his. As if he needed to feel You.
“I will protect you, I will keep you alive. Please let me. Let me. Let me.”
He placed a kiss on your brow, gentle, devoted, before leaning down to press another to your lips. The kiss was not just tender, but desperate, pleading. Demanding. Promising.
You would have been alarmed by the choice of his words, if only your body didn’t begin to shut down moments later, surrendering to the weight of sleep.
David did not lie, the hot chocolate worked as it always did, soothing, calming, its warmth easing the tension in your mind.
But the slight bitterness of the rich, sweet Weyland chocolate helped mask the tart taste of Lorazepam, the precise dose that David had so carefully measured and dissolved into your drink.
He couldn’t let you join them tomorrow. As much as it pained him to hold you back, he knew it was the only choice. You needed rest. You needed strength. And if Doctor Holloway were to die tomorrow, you would hopefully be spared from seeing it firsthand.
He didn’t want to do this. But he had to. He knew you would never agree to stay on board willingly, not if it meant searching for your ‘friends’.
It was for your own good.
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beelearnsfinnish · 2 days ago
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[03.02.25, monday]
it's been a while. had some family stuff going on that forced me to drop everything, finnish, my degree, work etc for a bit over a week (it actually feels like it was so much longer, i stg hospitals are like time wraps)
but new week, we're back at work, have my first exam on thursday :'D and that means back to the routine. I'm pretty sad i lost my (imaginary) streak of watching the news in finnish everyday, but i have to stop feeling guilty for having to pause everything since it was out of my control, and just restart again
since i have my exams this and next week, i'll probably keep my finnish learning to the minimum (or i'll try so, cause i'd very much prefer to study finnish than for my exams lmao) and won't sing up for any classes until they're over, but i wanna continue doing at least a little.
looking at the bright side, once I'm done with them it'll just be barely 10 days before my trip to Finland, which I couldn't be more excited about, so that's motivating indeed.
so, getting back to the routine, today i did:
30 mins of finnish radio
5 mins of finnish news
10 mins of finnish podcast (restarted listening to Kahvitarinat, I had tried already months ago and it wasnt my level yet, but saw it recommended again recently and gave it another try, happy to say I understood the majority of the first episode!)
10 mins of scrolling tiktok (i stg training the tiktok algorithm to show me content in finnish and not spanish is being a pain in the ass, rn the most i get are grwm from teenage girls going to school :'D if anyone has any finnish tiktokers recommendations they're more than welcomed)
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hypmicdaydreams · 2 months ago
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is anyone still in the mood for a hypmic imagines blog these days lol
#mod rambles#giant ramble incoming ->#the tag seems so..#dead. which makes me sad :(#it’s looking pretty grim for us yumes out there ngl#do the people still yearn for self indulgent romance with their oshis. lol#i am still very much a yume freak. perhaps more so lately. but i never do talk about my own yume ships loll#plus the yume community does not seem.. very pleasant. to say the least#i do kinda want to come back and write here#but not on this account. i’d make a new one#i kinda want to start all over tbh. like a fresh slate#plus it'd kinda force me to try and get back into the groove of writing bc i feel like i've forgotten each and every rule lol#also it's important to have a creative outlet!! even if i most likely do not have the time for one lmao#i do want to provide for the h.ypmic yume community on here though. plus i love to write#even though i'm not caught up on the drama tracks..#idk if i'm emotionally ready for them#yes i did see this is the final drb. i got the news while studying for my final the very next day so suffice to say i was not doing well lo#idk if I’d share the new blog though. but i feel like it’d be p obvious if were me? lol#but i also wouldn’t have the time to write or post so idk.#i have time rn bc I’m on break but#when school starts back up again I’m gonna be packed. esp since I’ll be starting neuro so that’s gonna take all my brain activity (ha)#also will be starting research back up again so that’s a pain#plus. truth be told this year hasn’t been particularly kind to me#i haven’t really been in the mood to write or share it bc of what’s been going on back home#my people are always on my mind all the time#esp my village#🇱🇧❤️#been doing a lot of rambling lately but not a lot of writing. hm#all this to say: i might be coming back but prob with a new blog. lol#i write a lot just to get to the bare basic point (hence the 30 tags)
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Now that they can, would they want to spend a lot of time together? (Patreon)
#Doodles#Adventure Time#Fionna and Cake#Simon Petrikov#Marceline#Hhhh I feel so bad for both of them 💔#Obviously Simon misses her since she's like the one tether he still has to ''his'' time - they were both born before all the Everything#And I'm sure Marceline misses Simon too but like - even this Simon isn't ''her'' Simon. They met when he was already affected by the Crown#They clearly love each other when they see each other when Simon is as much himself as he can be!#But I can't help but wonder if it would be painful to spend time with this sad lonely magicless man - and how guilty that would make Simon#He wants to still be a part of her life! But how much of himself does he even have to offer now?#And the guilt would go round and round - she sees it in him and he sees that in her and they just both feel bad!#I really can't blame him for being a little emotionally closed and her being distant - they're not who they were#With all that said I still really love their dynamic <3 They're /not/ who they used to be but they've still got such an interesting relation#I think in the moments that they do have together where they're both trying to be good for each other Marcy would really push her humour ♪#She's got 1000 years of silliness to get out of her system to her bestie! I'm sure she's got the material hehe#Even if he still sees her as a little girl - I mean that just adds to the joke if she says something a bit blue lol#I don't think he'd actually keep the sharp teeth - it's more of a visual metaphor of how Marceline sees him in these kinds of moments#It's hard to leave it behind!
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dani-the-goblin · 9 months ago
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lunarharp · 1 year ago
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
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they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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savage-rhi · 3 months ago
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Magenta 😟
#I've had cognitive impairment from covid before but not to where i feel intellectually dumb when i write#my college papers and my writing projects dont sound like “me” as of late#its very bare bones and doesn't have the descriptiveness or humanity i normally give#like i see the scenes or what i want to say in my head#but what i type aint matching up#and yeah i naturally get into slumps like that but this is like that slump x 9000#I'm kinda scared this round might've given me brain damage#havent been feeling all the way like myself#but i also know too that covid takes a while to heal from and of course theres long covid shit which ive dealt with before#im just frustrated guys#i feel like within the last 3 to 4 months i finally healed from my last bout of rona#and i get it again and im back to square one#i just want to write and feel okay with it and not feel so stuck just trying to come up with a basic sentence#seriously even writing basic shit is hard right now#it took me a week to get 5 pages on duality#and im used to churning out at least 10 pages on my projects at minimum every couple days to a week#man give me chronic pain anyday but don't take away my mind and the freedom that comes with that#sorry guys im feeling sad#i know i gotta give myself time but im impatient#i hate how right before i caught covid again i was gonna get my flu shot and an updated covid vax#wish i could've avoided this crud#having weird chest shit too#was a heart thing now its gerd now its potentially back to a heart thing#im tired#i need a hug#i love you 🫂💙#magenta is my vent word
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purecommemasolitude · 2 years ago
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you guys ever listen to vse kar vem
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#joker out#it's SO GOOD. the lyrics are SO GOOD.#also they make me very sad#the contrast between the needs of the speaker and the needs of the partner#the hand-in-hand solace and hopelessness of the chorus#the way that even 'i've heard that' in first line sets the situation up as being an uphill battle#actually to elaborate on the first point. the contrast between#the framing of the speaker as not only something now unnecessary to the partner (OUCH) but as something that could actively cause them pain#in the future#vs the framing of the partner as the speaker's sole solace (ha) and comfort that they are soon going to lose#but it's a necessary loss because otherwise they would just be dragging the partner down into hell and presumably the speaker cares greatly#for the partner. but it's still a loss of someone who acts an an anchor for the speaker#the way what's good for the speaker can't live alongside what's good for the partner because they're the antithesis of each other#the feeling of desperately trying to hold on to the last tatters of solace. I'm using that word a lot. before it gets torn away and you're#left with nothing#the hopeless repeating of the chorus in contrast to the verses#'i've heard this and this and this and i know this and this but all that i know is you are my anchor and comfort and when I'm with you#i'm safe'#hell even the way 'i know' vs 'I've heard' is used throughout the song#“i've heard everything comes to an end and I've heard you don't need me anymore. but all i know is that i need you”#“but i also know you've been through hell before and you don't want to return. and staying with me will put you there”#“but i know still that your presence keeps me from being there”#i am going to EAT DRYWALL#i'm making interpretations now so it's probably time to wrap this tag-fest up#i'm sure it was very redundant. i may end up getting emotional and adding to it another time but in summary#kris guštin i'm going after you with a hunting knife#and maybe bojan cvjetićanin too?? idk if he's credited as co-writing the music or the chorus#only tagging kris though because he's the one i'm sure wrote at least a portion of both#og#kris guštin
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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago
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........creachure
#cats#his eyes are always so big and weird he no longer looks like a cat anymore sometimes.. in a way...#it's hard to understand.. complicated vibes on this boy#his summer sprawl (laying flopped out on the floor weird because of the heat)#I AM still trying to get some costumes done and also post another poll advtnure so I can finally finish it lol#the weather this month has just been soooo.... There was the heat wave and then after like 2 days of coolenss where I was like 'ah! finally#I can be productiv!' but just as soon as I had recovered from the heat.. it got hot again ghhhh#currently sweating inside. I actually had to leave my doctors appointment early today because I was just so so warm from#sitting in the car and the fac tthat half the buildings still do not have their air up very high and etc. and I felt so nausous#and flushed and started to get back and stomach pains for some reason.. Which I guess is good in a way to further confirm to doctors that#I Have Something Wrong With Me lol (most normal people should not be this heat sensitive I think) but is also still a little stinky#because I still payed a copay for the fulla appointment time but cit it short by leaving 15minues early.. grrr#ANYWAY. It seems like recently it's just hot all the time but it will ocasionally tempt you with a cool day of reprieve BUT don't let your#guard down! because as soon as you start to think 'hey things are getting better! :0' the sun will be like NO actualy. scalding temperature#be upon ye..#Which of COURSE. I would rather have hot weather with little breaks in between than just constant hot weather. 100% definitely.#but it just always makes me sad because I get my hopes up lol.. JUST as I've recovered from the past heat and am So Ready To Start#On All My Things now That I'm Not As Sick And Hey Maybe It's Even Cool Enough To Do A Costume! .. my hopes are dashed#.. woe and so on and so forth. . Which I am stil managing to get a few things done but just.. not the things I really WANT to do (costumes.#sculptures. edit videos. etc. ).#anyway.. look at son.. If nothing else I still have lots of cat photos.. my sole productivity offerings to the internet online world
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gregoftom · 2 years ago
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awful, just awful
#succession#tomgreg#biting my pillow like that dog meme#where do i even begin with this TOM IS LIKE A SCHOOLBOY WITH GREG ITS ACTUALLY INSANE#he reverts to like 20 years younger from his emotional swings to his obvious crush#and his EXPRESSIONS THROUGHOUT THIS SCENE BY TALOS MY STOMACH IS IN MY ASS. MATTHEW!!!!!#his hurt at the thought that greg might somehow be trying to blackmail him again to just sadness because of greg's fear of going to jail#his downcast eyes as he says ''yeah'' SHUT the up#like yeah maybe he's reflecting on his own hurt and pain at the fact that he's going to jail and shiv handed him another rejection#just before. or maybe. he doesn't like hearing greg suffer like this. i mean. from what i know about later#that tom is fully prepared to go to jail and ''throw it all out for love'' or whatever tf for greg's sake#it's just. it's plausible is all i'll say. it's very plausible when we think about that future scene.#idk i just think that people refuse to hear when anyone would say tom is absolutely GASPING to love somebody. like yeah he's got issues#but who tf is well adjusted in this economy LMAOOO even in these rich fucks' worlds nobody is#so i know. i'm not stupid i know he can be nasty. but so can all of them. GREG WAS PREPARED TO SUE GREENPEACE AJDLAKDAD#i mean idk if he will. but my point is if tom wasn't like that he wouldn't be such a good character imo. if he was just a straight up#asshole. who would care if something bad happened to him? i wouldn't. something that makes him so compelling to me#is that he can be SO WRATHFUL AND MANIACAL#but he can be so. so fucking soft and vulnerable at the same time. and matthew plays him so organically i just wanna fuckin WEEP#and then GREG here. he wasn't even thinking about using a connection of any way to get ahead he just wants to be saved. he's still early 20s#i believe anyway. and tom has taken care of him. looked after him#protected him. he always listens to him. he's learned that tom is there for him so ofc he's gonna plead for help but like. not directly#''just asking for advice'' = i'm fucking terrified how do i make it stop help me#hoe but keep it fashion#SORRY GOD I KEEP DOING NOVELS IN THE TAGS BUT GODDDDDD THIS IS SO MUCH evyerhting is sos oafujfdmwkqfd#ok i'm stopping now  but anyway. they're important to me. sorry. sorry bye
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catboydan · 6 months ago
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fiance got me a kindle for my birthday <3
#val comes out of hiding#with a case and a grip strap (that interferes a little with the case but i'm making it work lol)#it'll be great for my arthritic sad poor hands lmao#and i can download ebooks to it! including fic <3#so like i have backup copies of my bookmarks and i threw them all on there#and threw one I planned to read on there too which i rb'd a few mins ago#it's great because we tend to be into those huge fantasy novels that I 0% can hold and take up a shit ton of space#like bringing brando sando books with me while traveling has been a PAIN lmao#now all i need is a battery pack to make sure it doesn't die. which is its own downside of course#and it means I can pirate so many ebooks. my god so many.#anyway to start with i think i'm gonna go back thru and re-read all my bookmarked fics i haven't read in a while#i'm quite stingy about bookmarks so they're all good (tho i have a soft spot for fluff in hindsight lol)#maybe i'll make a detailed rec post when i'm done?#in regards to fic too though I need to reach out to someone and say sorry for not being a very responsible beta.you know who you are.sorry:#but tangentially related; last night I had one of those core memory moments#it was bed time and fiance was snoozing half-asleep and i was reading fic on the kindle which works great in the dark btw. so dim#and i got up maybe 3 times in 30 mins or so go to the bathroom; get shit i forgot in the other room; etc etc#he's a light sleeper so he tends to wake up a lil#at some point he swapped our body pillows. i have no idea which time i got up it was. i didn't even notice for so long#i use a regular pillow and he has a longer actual body pillow so it was very obvious in hindsight#he loves to mess with me like that. little things make me laugh etc. and in the moment i realised i was just so happy#i'm here in this comfy bed with the man i love reading great fic with the gift he just got me and he's half-asleep and still trying to make#me laugh. and i laugh and laugh and laugh for like 5 mins because i'm so unobservant i didn't even notice it's not my pillow#and not even in a mean way. he loves that about me because he loves me. and he is just so good. so good.#and i was reading a fic about finding someone in any world. i would find him in any world. i would#and i just said 'i love you' and he cuddled into me and went to sleep.#<33333333333333333
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manasurge · 1 year ago
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Tis' the season where I mentally and physically suffer. Complaining below (feel free to ignore, I'm just venting. I usually do this every year to get most of it out of my system lol):
mmm the fall/winter SAD is indeed in full swing. No warmth + no sun = a bad bad time. I always get so annoyed when ppl assume that I love winter bc I'm a "winter baby", as if that has any sort of divine intervention on instantaneously adapting you to perfectly fit the climate you were born in. NOPE. Silly human superstition. I start to freeze once it hits below 20C. I wish I lived in a warmer climate o|-< The depresso is probably going to make me very whiny and moody until next spring, so an early forewarning bc I'm EXTREMELY annoying about it this time of year bc it's the only way I know how to deal with it. But moreso in addition to the physical stuff is how badly it messes with my mind, making me so depressed to the point of just... sitting in non-moving silence where I become stiff as a board (very painful btw) and I isolate, making the bad depresso brain time even worse where I overthink everything bc of the silence and isolation. It's also always the time of year where everyone goes quiet too, which is understandable, but also makes things 10x worse (I am very alone in my life and where I am, and kind of rely on online friends bc they're all I have. I don't even have a pet. I'm literally just, loner mode. I don't really have much family to speak of, and only one family member I do speak to. I have little to no connections at all. But regardless, this is still the best living situation I've been in my whole life, so that's saying something).
#i hate the cold; I hate ice; cold air hurts my skin and burns my lungs#i hate snow (I'm sorry I just don't think it's pretty. It's gross; erases all colour/everything; blinding; kills everything; claustrophobic#I hate long nights; i hate all the darkness#I take Vitamin D drops every day during winter and they don't really help#I also use those special lights meant to help during the long darkness for the same reason; and they also do not help#nothing works!!!!!! eating and drinking hot things doesn't help me stay warm bc heat dissipates away quickly and doesn't help my extremitie#the cold makes me SO dry and dehydrated; makes my bones hurt; makes outside DANGEROUS AF. ICE IS BAD. BE CAREFUL.#I can't retain heat; my hypothyroidism makes me colder by default and I just don't metabolize good/fast enough to keep myself warm#(my body temp is lower than average; fun fact! same with my blood pressure! both of them are very low)#I think my average from all the times I've had it scanned during covid was 32-36C. No idea how that works; I just remember checking it a lo#my fingers and hands are going to freeze; making it harder to draw/type/etc.#I'm not going to wear gloves inside my home bc that's dumb and they don't help anyways. It will just screw up my ability to use my hands#I get to be in pain for months with increased potential of being sick :/#also I HATE bundling/layering myself with clothing or blankets; it's suffocating; restricting; sensory hell for me; sweaters are uncomfy :(#also whenever I try to do that all it does is insulate the cold for me; keeping me colder for even longer!!!!! it's so unfair!!!!#I've worn out 2 space heaters already and they don't work properly anymore (I used them both so much I wore out my preferred settings lol)#sobs; i'm a sad plant lizard
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