#I'm griefing
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They can take you away from me but you'll always be in my heart 🥲
#love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#xavier love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#catboy lads#celestial gifs#I'm mourning so I'm grieving by gifing#I'm griefing
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When you spend 20 years attempting to bring down the child slavery, murdering, human trafficking exploitation ring that stole your childhood, murdered your friends, and killed countless innocents only to have them rebrand as 'Noble Freedom Fighters™' off-screen.
#rip zevran's crusade against the crows >:(#when people said they wanted to be crows they didn't want devs to make the faction nice so we won't feel bad or conflicted about it#people wanted to be conflicted! they wanted to see the faction in all its glitz and glamour - then see what it hid beneath all the mystique#choose to play as a crow that loves the life/hates it/is undecided/etc...#but i'm sorry i forgot that this game doesn't want to do 'role play' options my bad#i will not stand for this zevran erasure!!!#they set up a schism with zevran's da2 codex entry - with other crows joining him!#have the antivan crows faced with a threat that challenged their outlook on why they fight#have the talons be the one to sell out antiva! in exchange for allowing their business to resume (have it be a sneaky reveal!!!)#their work has purpose and order to it so the antaam might agree! they're like 'babys first ben-hassrath!'#have Crows look around at their own home - see the vendor they bought fruit from disappear or the smiling old lady now cowed by grief#then have them decide to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT#have a schism! have Zevran take in Crows who are unhappy - have them realize how shit the organization is!#boom! somewhat-noble freedom fighters! (they're doing their best okay)#or they can be 'idealists' from the get-go - thanks cursed AMA thread#my art <3#dragon age#datv critical#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#zevran arainai
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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obsessed w these boneheads as of late :]
#griddlehark#tlt#the locked tomb#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#gtn#when u and the situationship livin it up in a haunted palace... FO FREE!!!!!#i wanted 2 do a background 4 this but college and work have been kicking my ASS so#figured i should just post it and move on i got other sketches and wips#anyways hello tlt fans do not expect me 2 draw anything the same twice. love u <3#in this kitchen we fuck it And we ball. no artistic sameness and we like it that way. i also serve food once a month#stay at your own risk#i've been going insane over tlt by myself on my side acc and the longer i have no one 2 talk abt nona grief with#the more art i will pop out. but also pls i need 2 talk abt this shit w someone i'm coughing and dying out here
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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rage.
#welcome to today's episode of “me trying to draw 76 different emotions at once”#rage+grief???sorrow??? anguish?????#hmmmmmmm#definitely pain#and a hint of fear#no but like he's angry but there's sadness underneath you get what i'm saying#the kind of rage caused by something that left you traumatized and you just can't stop thinking about how unfair it was#like “i didn't deserve this nobody deserves this” kind of rage#well anyway#i don't even care about anatomy at this point#just let me see how much i can distort the face and still have it somewhat resemble the character#didn't mean to draw him crying again but my hand slipped oops#astarion#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 astarion#baldurs gate 3#astarion fanart
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My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.
[id in alt text]
#legend of zelda#loz#twilight princess#loz tp#i'm still reeling that someone sent me an ask about this one.. that they took the time to find my tumblr and tell me they liked it#it really meant a lot; thank you to anyone that stops to leave comments like that. they make me happy#but yeah! here's the usual symbolism ramble:#i thought it'd be cool to have the 'spirits' flowing one way and the cats walking through them the other way#to kinda show the difference in life inhabiting the village in the past and present#link's face is covered because impaz was just waiting for 'the hero' so his clothes are what matters; not his face#and it (hopefully) gives a surreal and intangible sense to 'the hero' she could only hope would actually show up#you can feel free to interpret the glowy blue sheikah as ghosts or just as memories of the past! i couldn't decide either way#the one on the bottom left is oot impa since she's implied to be the village founder. so i guess she would be a ghost actually?#fan art#my art#project stuff#and ahhh the book-- everyone's stuff is so beautiful!!#especially the writing. some of the fics made me really tear up and some were so fun and clever. i really love them#a lot of them captured the sheer burden of the role of the sheikah; all of the time and grief and doubt#i know i always say this stuff about every project but. the people i get to work with in these are truly so skilled every time
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accidentally got too attached to a sim i was gonna kill for story purposes so now i'm slowly cluttering the room i said i wouldn't touch to avoid exactly this LOL. full creds to comfys for the original lot.
#simblr#*eden tapes#if i end up posting my portsim family more lol#decided on a random tuesday to do a storytelling save that explores grief and now IM the one going through the 7 stages even thinking abt i#regardless i hope there's still someone out here ^_^ dusts off my dash#it's completely dead this time around.............. i'm so out of the loop
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Some of you people sound exactly like the fundamentalist adults in my life who were dead sure that Obama was going to abolish religious freedom and term limits and turn the US into a single-party state when he got elected in 2008 as opposed to like. being a pretty standard-issue federal politician with policies they didn't like. You know that, right?
#i hate go ''you have become that which you once hated'' but good grief some of you are annoying about it#this isn't about my mutuals for the most part I'm just venting my frustrations into the void
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scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]
#zukka#zukka fanart#sokka#sokka fanart#zuko#zuko fanart#atla#atla fanart#avatar the last airbender#zukka fic rec#myart#yall. yall. dani. this FIC#first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec#it is SO GOOD#your prose? amazing#your insights on grief? life changing#THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust#'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis'#ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT#i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were#the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so#cute with their relationship?!!?!#'oh so you think i'm beautiful too'#GOD#i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy#also#'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone'#fuck. had me crying AGAIN#seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer#the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece
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20. Weight of the World — Battle Tapes
You showed up haunted with a fist full of dynamite Curated provocateur Ooh, the funny thing about a life that's so civilized Is when the lines start to blur Delusional, until we fold Buried under the weight of the world
This songs hits ten times harder if you imagine that the instrumental dropping out to the slowly rising bass at ~2:28 is the moment Tango respawns after Bdubs' boogeyman kill and starts to spiral into rage.
#never rushed to do a piece so fast after being prompted to rewatch Etho's 6th episode of Last Life. I feel crazy#dbhc#spotify wrapped doodle challenge#dbhc tango#dbhc etho#dbhc last life#dbhc art#ask#dbhc ask#anon#the scattered dialogue would be. erm. all of the teasing from etho and bdubs (mostly etho) after the fact :) so i'm#normal#tangotek#tango#ethoslab#etho#art escapades#last life smp#llsmp#last life#trafficblr#hermitcraft au#hermitcraft#ill reblog this tomorrow at a more normal time good grief#AT LAST#THE TANGO LAST LIFE SONG#definitely recommend you listen to the whole song though. what a banger#Tw eye strain#Tw glitch
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"I don't know who I want to be, anymore."
Oc - Cirque | The Dragon Chosen by the Shadows |
| mary oliver / franz wright / chelsea dingman / mary oliver / sue zhao / can't find :( / can't find :( / i am a dog. i have blood all over my teeth. - sciencedfiction / little weirds - jenny slate / the unabridged journals of sylvia |
#RAHHH guys I'm so crazy about her you all should totally ask me about her lore#web weave#webweave#webweaving#web weaving#oc webweave#oc web weave#oc - Cirque#definitely NOT the only webweave ill be making for her#still getting the hang of making these... gonna try to make some more for specific times in her life rather than just jumping around#on love#on longing#on grief#guys i love her shes so fun to squish#making these oc webweaves is so fun because i get to talk about them. also it helps me flesh out their characters#i need a tag for this specific universe of ocs lol#writing a book about them so i guess when i draft up some titles for that book ill use that for them#my webs#alt text
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He'd just finished speaking when Mobei-Jun sent Shang Qinghua flying forward with a kick. And he really did go flying... flying... flying... [...] he tumbled and skidded as he went flying into the hole, to "investigate and ascertain the situation". After a long, dead silence, a terrified scream suddenly exploded from within the cave.
The absolute business-like manner with which Mobei-Jun decided to "volunteer" Shang Qinghua nearly killd me, the visuals of this scene are unparalleled
#svsss#moshang#mobei jun#shang qinghua#mbj#sqh#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#sqq#lbh#my art#svsss spoilers#i would love to know what was going through mbj's head in this moment sldkfjsdklfjs i can guess what was going through sqh's#i'm finally done sitting in stupefied mourning/reflection over the end of this series so i can finally draw this silly scene#mxtx's ability to include the goofiest nonsense during the most intense final battles is amazing#every single one of her final battles is a great mix of action/tension/emotion/grief/humour
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Here's the thing about all the memes John uses in TLT. Sure, Jod is horny for the 2010s, but I can't believe that after 10,000 years he hasn't bothered to get down with any fresh new material. Never mind a myriad of human culture developing its own linguistic quirks - I'm betting the original Canaan House 16 had plenty of time to come up with some of their own. For example:
Skeleton construct #230 (Scotty Boneman) and skeleton construct #39 (Grunkulous Prime) and their long-running feud
Excessively anatomical descriptions for normal actions e.g 'don't you elevate your supercilium at me, Valancy. Stop oscillating your cephalon in my direction.'
Responding to one of John's unfathomable inside-joke references with a solemn nod and intoning the words 'glumpus glumpus' to acknowledge Divine and Unknowable Wisdom
Forgotten objects that may or may not have been sex toys (Cyrus and Valancy's nude portraits are a continuation of this)
[pointing at a picture of any animal that no longer exists] 'What kind of dog was this?'
Necromantically juicing up your muscles to insane proportions before e.g opening a jar, turning a key, writing down a note
Referring to any distasteful outfit as a 'sex ward'
'or as they say on the Eighth: if in doubt, slut it up' (Mercy and Cristabel do not approve of this one)
Tendon loving care
Convincing one another of fictitious new slang from the other Houses.
[after summoning a bone construct/flesh monster/skeleton army] I can never get the nose right
How many of your own joints can you dislocate mid-conversation before somebody notices
Wearing your lyctoral cape any way except in the way that it was intended to be worn
And, of course:
Lyctor? I hardly know 'er!
#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#gtn#tlt#I'm just saying they had options#none houses left grief is all well and good but pls john#where are all the inevitable skeleton jokes#this is ofc inspired by that one caveman meme post
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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