#I'm crashing the party B)

[nintendo-killed-atari]

Colored the KitKat

(click for better quality)

[keyotosprompts]

love's possessing me ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

ur fav tropes (with variations) + microtropes

⇴ person a + person b are both looking for each other, and they wander all around the place until they finally meet in the middle, where they both crash into each other

⇴ enemies to lovers (kind of) because they're in opposite factions that feud. until one day they run into each other on accident, immediately want to kill the other, and get trapped together. slowly, they discover that their own factions are awful, and they must work together to stop injustice (mk storyline!!!)

⇴ super serious and put together b turns into pure mush at the sight of a. i'm talking the brain stopped functioning call 911 bc we think they suffered brain damage. no they're just in love with person a.

⇴ having their own secret code. whether it be hand signs behind their backs, secret looks, or secret touches—as long as it's a secret then i will eat it up.

⇴ getting so tired that person b falls and person a has to catch them. person b ends up laying their head on person a's shoulder, and person a is now stuck with person b

⇴ "i'm not falling in love" and they fall the hardest (idc how used it is i will eat it up until i die)

⇴ person b admiring how person a brightens up any room when they get excited. "the look of love" as some would call it

⇴ two people that help each other heal. they've both had rough pasts, and when they meet each other—initially they hate it but—things start to mend (hometown cha cha cha anyone???)

⇴ banter and teasing at first meeting, but the more they get to know each other, the more they begin to connect.

⇴ person a + person b fighting over who has to sleep on the couch (they're staying at the other person's house), until they both agree on sleeping in the same bed together

⇴ friends to lovers but the other party did not consider them friends. (yikesssss)

⇴ "you lied to me! you kept lying straight to my face! and you expect me to forgive you?" "what are you talking about?! did you never get my letter?" "what letter?" (oh ur cooked)

⇴ "you deserve better than me." "that's not your decision to make, that's mine."

⇴ person a literally thinking they're the worst person in the world, and then there's person b, who can fight through the darkness and find the light

⇴ "you wouldn't understand!" "then tell me. i just want to listen."

⇴ person a's overworking themselves, so person b has to manually close their computer and put away their work and force them to sleep

⇴ person a stays up for person b to get home, but falls asleep. person b takes a ton of photos of them and then carries them to bed (and joins them later snuggling them ofc)

hey guys! keyotos here. this is a little out of my lane but i created this post for my writing event on my writing blog. but anyone else, feel free to use these and lmk if u guys like content similar to this!

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Pollen and Pheromones

Kinktober Day 13: Sex Pollen

Male Alpha Yandere x Gender Neutral Omega Reader CW: Noncon, sex pollen, aphrodisiac, pheromones, knotting, biting, claiming bite, stranded, spaceship crash, sci-fi, outer space, alien planet, a/b/o dynamics, bigotry/prejudice against omegas, rivalry, breeding, general yandere behavior, tsundere, betrayal Word Count: 1.6k (Enjoy this kinktober meal I have prepared <3)

"Star log: This is Pilot 2418 currently operating vessel Starlion: Orion. I am currently on route to pass the threshold of our galaxy in less than five minutes."

You were a shuttle pilot, one of the Exploration Guild's best. Ever since humanity had achieved interplanetary travel, they had sought to extend themselves ever further. With the new drift-space drives, that dream was now a reality.

They were only currently suited for small 1 to 2 man shuttlecraft, and only a couple such craft had been made. Two different ones had been commissioned through the guild, with both pilots competing to see who could exit the Milky Way first. The new drive could only be used in bursts to prevent overloading, so the journey had still taken a few months. But it seemed like you were about to succeed. Then you could make a U-turn and start drift-jumping back towards the nearest station.

Since you were an omega, this was a great achievement, a notice to the universe that your kind could do whatever betas and alphas could. You would be able to help stamp out the lingering bigotry and inspire others all with one action.

You were just about to cross the finish line!

Suddenly, your opponent, Tetsunori, came out of drift-space behind you. He had been your long-time rival, with both of you being about equally skilled.

But this was unacceptable to him as he was an alpha and held to the knothead mindset that an omega's place was bouncing on an alpha's prick or maybe in a teaching or nursing job.

You weren't worried, though. You had a solid lead. There was no way he could close the gap.

You rolled your eyes at the incoming transmission.

"Why don't you just give up now? If you surrender nicely, I'll let you celebrate my victory by letting you keep my knot warm!"

The temptation to reply was too great.

"Ha! You may be good at navigating the stars, but I doubt you have ever found your way into an omega."

Conversing with him hadn't distracted you or made you pause, so he growled as he switched to another plan. He fired on his tractor beam.

What the fuck, was he insane? Stooping so low to make sure you couldn't have a historic moment? You fired an equal and opposite tractor beam through his, which forced him to disengage. Something only possible because both ships were similar in size and energy output. Did he think you were some amateur?

In a desperate bid to prevent you from winning, Tetsunori rammed his shuttle into yours.

This type of bumping wasn't unheard of. It wasn't lethal if both ships were similar and had their shields up. But the bouncing was pretty strong for both parties, which is why it was a last-ditch effort. It could push you past the line, or it could bump him further. Neither of those things happened, though.

Instead, you careened right into the gravitational pull off a planet. You did everything you could to slow down and stabilize, but nothing seemed to be working.

Tetsunori sped after you in his spacecraft as he spoke into the comm link.

"I'm sorry, oh my god, I'm so sorry! I just had to be first! What omega would want to be mates with someone who they bested??"

You didn't have time for his weird ass confession and barely registered it. Your shields were still online and he had started pulsing his tractor beam to slow you down, full usage of it at such speeds could rip your ship apart, thankfully he wasn't an amateur either and knew that.

You put all available power and quickly put it into overloading the shields. You hit the emergency crash button, and two nozzles came out from the sides of the cockpit and sprayed you with a rapidly drying foam that would reduce damage to you if you got flung about the ship. Tetsunori's reckless and speedy entry into the atmosphere may have been enough to save you, but he had lost control of his vessel as well.

As you crashed, he careened away and crash-landed as well.

It was a good thing the high-tech impact reduction foam was so effective. Despite having shields, the ship was still shaken pretty badly, and the inertial dampeners weren't powerful enough to thwart damage from such a landing.

You took stock of the condition of your systems.

Almost everything was fried. You could at least scan the planet. It seemed like you had actually lucked out. In the entire galaxy planets that supported life were incredibly rare. But you had landed on one.

It seemed there were no known biological hazards present. No recognized toxins, dangerous bacteria, or viral agents. You were cleared to remove your suit. The temporary foam had started to dissolve, so it wasn't hard to remove.

The scanner also indicated there was a strong human life sign. It appeared that Tetsunori was okay.

You took the survival kit from underneath your seat as well as some beverages and rations you had procured at the last station and headed in the direction of dust and smoke in the distance.

You didn't even need the ship's scanner to tell you that the great imbecile, Tetsunori had landed there.

As you got closer, you stepped into a field of flowers that surrounded the entire crash site. You were probably still a mile away, but all around you were odd glittery silver and gold flowers.

The smell of them made you just slightly lightheaded and tingly. You realized the tiniest bit of slick was dribbling down your leg. They must be an aphrodisiac. The scanner hadn't warned you of anything in the air that was truly dangerous, so it probably wouldn't matter very much. And it really didn't. For you. As you trudged through the flowers and pollen, the effects did not get worse.

But for Tetsunori, the pollen was much stronger. When it hit his nostrils, it immediately put him into rut. Not a typical rut either, one of the ruts you see in pornos where the alpha is almost feral and unable to control their mating drive. When you came upon him, he was sitting on a piece of debris from his shit and rocking back and forth in clear distress. Through his outfit, his bulge was immediately visible.

"T-tetsunori? Uh... are you okay? D-did you get hurt in the crash?"

You took a step back when he looked up at you. His eyes were red, giving him a demonic appearance.

"The flowers, I think... they... UGH! My thoughts are all jumbled..."

He started to rub and massage his crotch desperately. He finally caught a whiff of your scent, ripe from the recent hike over to him and from being without a proper shower since your last space station stop. Not to mention the smell of the slick the aphrodisiac had coaxed out of you.

He started wildly sniffing at the air.

"Y-you smell so nice. You can help!"

You started backing away slowly.

"Uh... help with what?"

He got up and closed the difference between the two of you. Sweat had his dark hair clinging to his head. He was significantly taller and looked down at you intensely before sniffing and licking your neck with lazy broad strokes.

"S-smell so gooood. Always wanted to knot youuuu~"

You tried to push him off.

"Tetsunori! St-stop!"

You slapped, smacked, kicked, punched, and flailed, but nothing you did deterred him in the slightest.

"I'm sorry, but I fucking n-need this!"

He pinned you to the ground, clawing and biting off all your clothing until only your underwear was left, he removed it more delicately before inhaling its scent deeply and putting it in his pocket for later.

"Please don't do this, Tetsunori, PLEASE!"

He looked down at you, and it seemed like he was genuinely trying to resist before the pollen-charged rut won out.

Tetsunori unzipped his pants and let his drooling cock and full heavy balls out.

"G-gonna put all my babies in you! Have to! Have to!"

The lust-drunk alpha wasted no more time in ramming into you, an insertion that would have been more difficult had the pollen not slicked you up. Though it was still sudden and slightly painful.

"A-aaah!"

You tried to kick at him, but he growled viciously before pushing you into a mating press and slobbering all over your neck with his eager tongue.

The pollen must have increased the potency of his pheromones, or at least your susceptibility to them, because his musk was starting to cloud your thoughts.

Your grunts of pain became gasps of pleasure as your body quickly accommodated to his large size. You winced as he bit down hard on your neck to claim you. He kept right on fucking into you without skipping a beat.

He licked and kissed the lightly bleeding bite mark, some part of him remembering to comfort you despite his dominating need to fill you with cock. And by that point, the last of your resistance finally melted away.

"T-tetsunoriiiiii~" You moaned as your toes curled and body twitched in orgasm.

He growled your name in response and gave a few hard, deep thrusts before cumming as deeply as possible.

A comforting fullness filled your hole as his knot locked the two of you together. He pulled you close as he sat down so that you were in his lap facing him. The two of you caught your breath, then remained in an awkward silence until his knot deflated.

"G-got it out of your system?"

"Yeah... for the most part... sorry about that..."

You lifted yourself off of his lap, his half hard cock springing free with a lewd plopping sound.

"Well... it wasn't your fault. It was just the pollen..."

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you back into his lap, his cock ramming directly into you, then began humping.

"Well... it wasn't just the pollen..."

[an-gothamite-aka-zannalial]

If there's a problem with shapeshifters, brainwashing, copycats, or whatever. I like to think the batfam would say the most embarrassing things to others to prove they were the real one

Dick: tell something we only know

Jason: You hid the Batmobile from B because we accidentally used it to go to your school farewell party and ended up crashing into a lamp post because you were so drunk

Bruce: dick you what

Dick: I can explain

Jason: And you accidentally broke Alfred's favorite pan and then tried to replace it

Bruce: you know I change my mind, you alone in this son

Dick: wait, no don't left me

Tim: prove you real

Steph: You accidentally spilled an energy drink in agent A soup a few days ago, and begged me not to tell anyone

Tim: okay you real, And our agreement is still valid ok

Yj: you what tim

Jason: say something that can prove you not Copycat

Damian: The big wound on your chest was the result of you running and falling down the stairs in the league, not because you died

Dick: Jay why you lie to me

Steph: really I initially believed it was because Joker killed him

Tim: How could you fall down the stairs and get that big of an injury

Damian: It was a league ladder on a mountain, he didn't see the road at night because he was tired and slipped

Duke: Now I know I'm not the only one who gets injured because of silly things

Jason: *dies again

Harper: say it Copycat

Cullen: Before I become more suspicious, I want to say that Harper once peed her pants while riding a roller coaster

Harper: You bitch

Duke: Really I thought you were the I'm-not-afraid-of-anything-girl

Cullen: she just joking

Damian: Just admit you're a shapeshifter

Tim: No. And I have to remind you that you were the one who put those rat into the manor because you thought they were cute

Jon: what, is that true dami

Damian: No but ironically he is real

Bruce: you should

Dick: B Do I really have to tell you about the time you wanted to ask Talia out on a date but instead gave the wrong location,Or when you were scolded by Alfred for setting fire to the kitchen, or when you admitted that you were-

Bruce: enough you're my son

Jl: what

[commonurmoml]

Too Perfect

Rafe Cameron x Routlege!female

Warnings: comfort, angst, drinking, language, drugs, heartbreak, fighting, crying, rafe and mc are broken up, parties, drunk driving

Words: 3.3k

=====================

They can already hear the music blast loudly, reverberating through the entire beach, even half a mile away. Of course this was the only party tonight, why wouldn't it be? Parties at the Boneyard bring everyone out; kook, pouge, hell even tourons show up. Rafe opens his phone to check if she's there, which Topper immediately snatches from him.

"Nope. No more stocking her. It's weird. You can have this back later." He says, shoving it into his pocket.

"I don't wanna fucking do this." Rafe grumbles, already high out of his mind, and his two friends roll their eyes; bored of the conversation they have had a thousand times. It's been three weeks and Rafe has refused to go anywhere where she might be so, being the dicks that they are, Topper and Kelce decided to drag him out to a party she was literally throwing. Ok, so technically it was John B's party but really... the two of them are inseparable.

"Dude, just don't talk to her." Topper shakes his head, glancing over at Rafe before focusing on the road again. "She's probably not even gonna be there." He lies. She definitely will. The party is literally being thrown by her brother. It would be shocking if she wasn't.

"Plus didn't YOU break up with HER?" Kelce chuckles. "I thought you were 'just using her to get under John B's skin'." He quotes what Rafe would always say when they questioned why he was dating her. Rafe turns fully in his seat to give Kelce a death glare.

"Shut the fuck up. No one asked you, bitch." Rafe spits the words like venom, the coke making him extra mean.

"Jesus, sorry. Didn't realize you were pussy whipped by a dirty fucking pouge." He laughs and Topper groans, the only sober one in the car and fully aware that he's gonna have to deal with Rafe.

"Dude, can we no-" Topper's attempt at peace is quickly cut off.

"Don't fucking call her that. I'll kill you." Rafe is now fully turned around and clumsily trying to climb into the back seat to hit Kelce. Topper is quick to put his hand out, trying to wrestle Rafe back into his seat while simultaneously not crashing the car. He thanks god when Rafe complies, sliding back down and waiting silently to arrive at the beach.

Once they arrive, the car shakes from the vibrations of the base that plays loudly around the crowded beach. The boys immediately get out and start to walk through large groups of people to get drinks. The second Rafe sees John B he stops in his tracks. When her brother is around, she normally isn't too far behind. Topper glances over to Rafe, immediately noticing he is no longer walking with the group.

"Kelce!" He stops his friend, who looks at him confused. Topper jerks his head, motioning to Rafe who is standing a couple feet behind them just staring at John B, JJ, Pope, and Kiara. He's looking for her.

"Jesus." Kelce mumbles, shaking his head, when he realizes what Rafe is looking at. He walks over to Rafe putting his hands on both of the taller boy's shoulders, pulling Rafe out of his trance. "Come on, creepy. Let's go get you a drink." He teases slightly, directing him to a keg.

"Yah." Rafe mumbles, filling a red solo cup with what is surely shitty beer. The three get their drinks and move off to the side of the beach that is more populated by kooks. Almost an hour passes and the three talk and hang out with some friends. Actually... Topper and Kelce talk and hang out with some friends. Rafe just stands there, looking for her.

"Dude." Topper deadpans, now under the influence and fully relaxed enough to tease his friend with Kelce. "You gotta stop staring, it's fucking weird." He says and Rafe just glares at him.

"Shut up. I'm not doing anything." Rafe poorly defends, bringing his drink up to his lips and taking a huge gulp of the warm beer.

"Sure." Kelce chuckles. "So you weren't surveying the whole beach for her." Rafe just rolls his eyes.

"You two are both dicks, why'd you even bring me here?" Rafe snaps.

"Fuck, cause we didn't think it was that big of a deal. Have some fucking fun. It's not like you were in love with her." Topper defends like it's the craziest idea in the world but his face drops the second he sees the look of guilt in Rafe's eyes. No. No fucking way. Rafe is practically a psychopath when it comes to girls. Rafe doesn't do love. No fucking way Rafe Cameron was in love with someone, much less a pouge.

"Right." Rafe mumbles, averting eye contact and now Topper and Kelce are both giving him looks of genuine shock. Like the kind of looks you give someone who tells you your mom just died.

"Rafe are y-" Kelce's words are cut off by none other than JJ Maybank.

"You need to leave." He states simply.

"Excuse me?" Rafe dramatically turns to him, getting threateningly in his face.

"You. Need. To LEAVE." JJ speaks to him in the way you would a child.

"And why the fuck is that?" Rafe drops his drink to push JJ, sending the shorter blond boy stumbling back into the sand. This is when John B, Kie, and Pope rush over, noticing the interaction when they hear a crowd of people 'ooo' at Rafe pushing JJ.

"Yo, what the fuck?" Kie says, helping JJ up.

"What's going on?" John B stands between the two as if he's taming two wild animals.

"He needs to leave." JJ says, trying to rush Rafe but both Pope and Kie hold him back.

"I didn't do shit!" Rafe defends, copying JJ's actions but John B is the one to prevent it this time. John B steps forward a bit, coming chest to chest with Rafe and preventing him from moving towards JJ any further without fully tackling him.

"Really? You didn't do anything? Can't think of anything you did? Dick." Kie yells at him, getting angry on behalf of her friend. A small feeling of guilt washes over Rafe.

"Where is she?" Rafe asks, looking between the group.

"Not here, and she somehow knows you're here."

"Wonder how." Topper quietly jokes to Kelce and the two chuckle. They know exactly how she knows he's here. She and Rafe downloaded life360 months ago when she freaked out because he got super fucked up and stopped responding. It was like two days, not even long enough to be a bender but he has still never felt worse about something he did then when he saw the worried tears in her eyes. He immediately agreed to download the app and promised to never delete it no matter what. It's the only thing they haven't deleted or blocked each other on. Part of him still doesn't want to break his promise. He wants to pretend like he hasn't gotten rid of it because he just forgot. He can pretend like he doesn't check on her at least five times a day till he's blue in the face, his friends know the truth.

"She ain't gonna come if you're here which is why you need to leave." JJ responds angrily. Rafe looks down at John B who is now glaring at him, protective of his sister.

"Bullshit." Rafe snaps.

"Dude, let's just go." Topper puts his hand on Rafe's shoulder, pulling him back a bit. The revelation that his player friend is, or at least was, in love kinda rocked him. He wants to get Rafe home before he does something he regrets, and fighting her brother and best friend while she's already mad at him is certainly regrettable.

"Yah, why don't you." JJ says and Pope scolds him, knowing his words aren't helping. Rafe looks between the group of pouges and then glances back at his friends. His eyes are wild and his head is on a constant swivel. He seems genuinely freaked out.

"You're not even having fun, let's just go. We can stop by Barry's and pick up some." Kelce suggests, picking up on Topper's thoughts that he is going to seriously regret this in the morning.

"Fine." Rafe mumbles, angrily turning away, not bothering to acknowledge anyone as he pushes past the crowds to find Topper's car. Topper and Kelce struggle to keep up with his quick pace, following closely behind. When they get to the car, Rafe is already sitting in the passengers seat, waiting for them.

"What the fuck is your problem? It's not like you were even having fun." Topper mumbles as he gets in the car, immediately starting it and driving off towards Barry's house.

"Bullshit she doesn't wanna be there if I am." Rafe grumbles, rolling his eyes at JJ's words.

"Can you blame her? Dude she told you she loved you and you dumped her." Kelce reminds. "And apparently you actually do fucking lov-."

"Shut up." Rafe cuts him off. "I don't." He tries to defend though it's the least confident he has ever sounded. Topper glances in his rear view mirror, making knowing eye contact with Kelce. A split in the road forces Topper to make a decision. Just turn right, get some coke from Barry and go home. Of course, he goes left. "Dude, this isn't the way to Barry's." Rafe mumbles, looking back at the direction they just came from.

"That's cause we're not going to Barry's." Topper slurs. This is a stupid decision and he knows it. Forcing Rafe to confront his issues never went well. "You gotta fucking talk to her because I can't deal with the bitching anymore." He looks over to see panic in Rafe's eyes.

"No. Not today. I'm not ready." He looks around, turning to Kelce for support in his decision to evade his problems.

"Sorry man, Topp's right. This shit is getting annoying."

"Fuck. I'm too fucked up to talk to her right now. What do I even say?" Rafe panics, looking around as if he will find an escape.

"I don't know but you better figure it out." Topper laughs, pulling into the driveway of the Château. The look Rafe gives him genuinely shocks him. He has never seen his friend look so vulnerable. "Rafe..." He doesn't know what to say.

"I'm fine." He insists but he makes no movement to get out of the car.

"Just talk to her. The worst that happens is that she doesn't want to talk." Kelce rolls his eyes, completely sprawled out across the back seat by now. Rafe forces himself out of the car, having no intention of looking like some love sick pussy in front of his friends. Topper rolls down the window, leaning in so he can talk to his friend who is quickly walking away.

"How long you think this will take?" Topper yells out.

"Don't wait up." Rafe yells back.

"Whoa! I don't think that's a good id-" He stops in his tracks, spinning around quickly and cutting his blonde friend off.

"I said don't wait up." His usually commanding tone back in his voice. He turns back and walks into the Château without even bothering to knock. He walks swiftly, his commanding presence not faltering... not until he hears her voice. It's quiet and muffled, coming from behind the closed door to her room at the end of the hallway, but it's her. It's the first time he's heard her voice since they broke up and the sound of it makes his stomach turn.

"I- I don't care if he's not there anymore, JJ. I'm not coming." She pauses, clearly waiting for him to speak on the other line. Her voice sounds hoarse and quiet. She seems tired and the amount of guilt that runs through him that the thought that it's his fault makes him want to throw up. She would normally have raised her voice by now but she just sounds tired. "I just don't wanna come. I'm not in the mood to see people." She pauses again, still not bothering to raise her voice. "No. No, Jesus Christ I'm not depressed... Ok well tell Pope I'm not... I'm serious... JJ... I'm fine, just let me sleep." She finalizes with a sigh, going silent once her call is presumably done.

After a moment, Rafe gathers back his composure and takes a deep breath, pushing his way into her room. She jumps at the sudden noise, terrified of someone breaking into her home.

"It's just me." Rafe tries to reassure, though he's not certain in this moment if that's better.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Her voice cracks and as she looks up at him he fully takes in her appearance. Her eyes are puffy watery and red, partly dried tears streaking across her cheeks. Her lips are cracked and dry and look as if they have been bleeding recently. Her nose is red and she sniffles a bit. Her body is contorted into a ball and wrapped in a blanket. Under he can see the blue sweatshirt that covers her body. His sweatshirt. Rafe wants to kill himself at the sight. He can't believe he's responsible for hurting her, the girl he promised to protect. The girl he promised to never let anyone hurt.

"I... I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." Rafe approaches her bed slowly as he apologizes. The closer he gets, the more she tries to control her tears. She doesn't really want Rafe to know how much she's hurting. What she doesn't know is he is hurting just as much.

"JJ put you up to this?" She rolls her eyes, making note to scold her friend for meddling. She quickly brings her hand to her face and wipes the tears away.

"No." He defends, carefully sitting on the bed next to her.

"Bullshit." She lets out a shaky laugh. "You don't apologize." She deadpans. He sighs and reaches out for her. When his hand touches hers, she jerks it away. "Rafe." She warns, the tears she just wiped away collecting in her eyes again.

"Baby." He begs, calling her the name on instinct.

"Don't." She demands, squeezing her eyes shut, a single tear falling down her cheek when she does so.

"I... I should have never broke up with you. I miss you."

"Rafe. Please don't do this to me. Don't say that because I will do it. I'll go running back into your arms and I'll get hurt again." She is now full on crying, looking at her ex-lover with blurry eyes.

"I'm not asking for you back. I just... I need you to know I miss you." He sighs. The reasons he broke up with her aren't gone. He wants nothing more than to love her. To kiss her but, he can't. "I lov-" She immediately cuts him off.

"Don't." She sobs outs. "Please don't say something you don't mean." She cries hard. He wraps his arms around her shaking body, his hand gripping the back of her head. He is overwhelmed by the feeling of her in his arms again. God, she smells so sweet.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers into her hair. He hates himself for making her cry like this. If he was anyone else, Rafe would have already beat him to a pulp. She just cries, allowing him to hold her because to be honest it has been the first time she has felt whole since they broke up. So, instead of pushing him away, she wraps herself around him and buries her head into his shoulder to cry into.

"Why?" Her voice is soft and weak. "Why did you leave?" She sobs again.

"I-" He doesn't want to tell her the real reason. How is he supposed to tell her she's too good for him? He really doesn't want her to blame herself. But, he's never lied to her and he's not gonna start now. "I'm fucked up." He whispers and she immediately shakes her head.

"Stop. I hate when you say that." She says between hiccups. "You're not fucked up."

"Yes I am. I'm violent, and angry, and I can't commit. You're too perfect for me. You deserve better."

"I don't want better. I want you. Shouldn't that be for me to decide Rafe?" She sobs, holding him closer.

"I know, princess but, I just can't ruin you. You're so sweet and perfect. I can't give you what you want."

"You don't know what I want." She attempts.

"I do. I know you. You want babies and a husband and love. I... I won't be a good father, or husband for that matter. Lord knows I don't have a good example. You deserve someone who doesn't snort five lines and try to kill someone every time something bad happens." He sighs.

"I don't care about any of that Rafe. I love you. I want you." She sobs, completely forgetting her plan of staying composed and away from him. He rubs up and down her back as she cries, letting their wordless presence hang in the air.

"I love you." He says softly and it shocks her so much that she actually gasps.

"Rafe..."

"I'm serious, princess. I love you. I'm so sorry. We can't be together. You have no clue how much I wish I could be the man you need. The man you deserve." He says, his words pulling more and more sobs out of her.

"You are what I need Rafe. Please. Don't do this to me." She cries, the break up hitting her all over again.

"You don't want me."

"Yes I do!" She raises her voice.

"Baby." He starts.

"No! It's not fair Rafe!" She yells again, pushing him away. "You don't get to make this decision on your own! If you don't love me, fine! But, if you do... you don't get to push me away because 'you're not good enough'. That's not fucking fair to me! Rafe I have been MISERABLE without you!" She lets out a sob. "It's only been three weeks and I feel like I'm dying." She whispers. "I can't do this for the rest of my life Rafe. Do you love me?" She questions. He looks down at her, tears in his own eyes, and places his hand on her cheek. His large hand consumes her entire face, his thumb rubbing away fat tears.

"Yes."

"Then be with me." She practically begs.

"It's not that simple." He says, placing his forehead against hers.

"Yes it is. You keep saying you're not the man I deserve but you are. You are sweet, to me at least," They both chuckle at her words. "and funny and protective. And sure, maybe you're a little angry but you want to be better. You're not sitting there like you don't have a problem. You are a better man because you want to be a better man. I love you, Rafe. Please." She begs and he sighs. She closes her eyes softly, slowly moving her mouth forward until her lips come into contact with his. He greedily kisses back, missing the way her lips feels on his.

"Baby." He mumbles against her mouth.

"What?" She whispers back. He takes her by the shoulders, pushing her back to arm's length so he can look her in the eyes when he says this.

"I wanna do this right this time. No bullshit hooking up for the first time in that stupid van at some stupid party. No waiting months to call you mine. No shit from your brother. No hiding you from my parents or friends. No dates on the mainland. I wanna take you out. Treat you right. Like how you deserve." She smiles, pulling his body in to hug her.

"Rafe." She whispers happily.

"Yah?" He asks against her shoulder.

"Please kiss me." He smiles into her shoulder, how could he say no to that?

[dottiro]

A Dear in the Headlights

Unreliable summary: Your date doesn’t show up after hours of waiting; in frustration you drive over to Pantalone’s house, knowing he’ll always comfort you. / You get into a car accident due to a deer in the headlights—deer, dear? Does it matter? Warnings: Yandere, car crash, implicated kidnapping, Pantalone is rich, descriptions of dead/mangled body(ies), DEAD DOVE DON'T EAT Note: This is a rewrite of THIS fic from my old blog.

"Hey, it’s me. Your phone has been going to voicemail for a while—you’re probably asleep, but I'm almost at your house. I know, I know, I shouldn't have come to your home in the middle of the night, but once again; you were right."

You press your lips together during the silence that follows. The road ahead is dimly lit by lanterns that do a poor job of showing the way. Only your solitary headlights indicate what's ahead of you. 

Disappointment has yet to leave your system as you recall the events from a few hours before."It’s annoying. I wish I could see through people like you do."

Earlier in the evening, you'd been getting ready for a date with a guy who never showed. Unfortunately for you, these occurrences have become normal. The worst part is that hope remains within you. No matter how often it happens, you still believe the next would be better. 

You wonder why those assholes bother to chat when they never plan to show.

A bitter sigh escapes your lips. You’re rambling again… how embarrassing. 

For a moment, you hope Pantalone will leave his voicemails unread. Perhaps that’d save you face when you’d wake him up in the middle of the night—but you know better. Pantalone does not let anything go unnoticed. Sooner than later, he’d pick up his phone to hear your aimless talking and waste of time. 

“Anyhow, I’m almost there. Since you gave me the keys to the gate; I’ll be entering your property. Sorry, not sorry.” 

There is a short silence before you end the voicemail. 

Although you know you shouldn’t drive and call, the road to Pantalone’s home was—and will always be—abandoned. Not once have you seen traffic coming in or out. Keeping one eye open will be enough. 

As you continue forward, the gates surrounding his estate come into sight, and no matter how often you see it, you continue to be in awe at how much he owns. 

You’re not sure what his job exactly concludes, Pantalone is a private person, but you know he organises parties for nobles in Snezhnaya. Only the top percentage of people are invited—vision wielders with high ranks, the top businessmen, and daughters born into money pleading for his attention; they all flock for an invitation so they can have the possibility to fall in his graces. 

By now, you’ve been able to guess he works as a finance minister for Snezhnaya. If not, something similar will be the answer.

Yet, despite his charming personality and social life, Pantalone continues to appreciate the quiet over the chaos of Snezhnaya’s capital. 

At the end of each week, he’d return home to his mansion for the weekend.

You can't blame him.

With one last turn, you arrive at the entrance to the large gate. Usually, it’s closed. However, tonight you find them wide open. 

You can’t find a reason why they should be.

The car slows down as you hesitate to intrude into his property. 

In the distance, a gentle light is cast inside his mansion. 

Is he still awake?

With uncertainty, you let your car roll past the gates, speeding up in curiosity. Wanting to be secluded, Pantalone has surrounded himself by nature to hide. You have to drive through the dense greenery before you reach the lights in the distance. 

Your frown turns into a smile when suddenly the upbeat tune of your ringtone echoes through the car.

“Pantalone!” You pick up, holding your phone to your mouth. Your voice is upbeat—you didn’t expect him to call back so soon. You’re surprised he doesn’t comment on its loudness.

“Dearest, would you be so kind as to tell me where you are right now?”

You raise an eyebrow before a chuckle escapes your lips. “Did you or did you not listen to the voicemail?” you ask. 

Only a mere few minutes have passed since you ended the one-sided call. If he had listened to it, he would’ve known that you were on the way—already approaching his home. 

Background sounds on his end of the call muffle his reply. For just a second, you take your eyes off the road to turn up the volume.

“Are you busy? I hear lots of people.”

You glance at the road as you keep one hand on the wheel. Then, you turn back to your phone, trying to adjust the volume again.

“Pantalone? I can’t hear—”

A loud crash makes you drop the phone before you finish your sentence. In a panic, you release the gas pedal; trying to break instead, resulting in the car drifting as it loses control. Instinctively, both your hands reach for the steering wheel. With all your power, you try to go against the current your car is trapped in—hoping to stabilise it, but failing as you drive over a hobble. Instantly, a thud is created, and something slams against your window, breaking it and shattering shards of glass across the front seats. 

Your arms fly up in front of your face, losing your grip on the wheel as you brace yourself. In seconds, you fly forward as another crash happens; and this time your car comes to a full stop. Instantly, the airbags register, pushing your body back into the chair with immense force.

Your ears buzz as you struggle to breathe, feeling like the wind has been pushed out of your lungs. A million thoughts enter your mind and at the same time, you can’t register any of them. Time passes too fast, yet too slow. You try to grasp what happened, watching darkness swallow you whole when the headlights flicker one last time before turning off. 

ㅤ

It’s dark, it’s silent. 

Faintly, somewhere distant, you hear the motor continuing to hum. 

The sound becomes louder and louder until you hear a familiar voice. 

“Y/n—?!”

Pantalone?

You hear Pantalone’s voice through your phone. A dim white light tells you it must still be in the car. With only the artificial- and moonlight to guide you, you try to recall your surroundings. Did your phone get thrown back to the back or front during your crash?

As the sound of voices continues to increase, they become deafening. With a throbbing head, you push the deflating airbag out of your way, clicking the seat belt loose and climbing out of your seat with shaky legs. 

You take steps forward. 

One… 

then two… 

—you think you stop after that.

Cold air falls into your face, embracing you like death’s hands tickling your face as he debates whether or not to take you with him to the afterlife. Behind you, the front door of the car falls shut. After the slam, the blinkers go off; beeping as one of the orange lights flashes on and off.

You take a deep breath. 

Your entire body pulses as your body sways. You have to put your hand on the car to keep yourself upright. Slowly, your other hand reaches for your head. Aside from the confusion, you don’t feel any pain. You wonder if it’s the adrenaline.

Right.

What did you hit again?

A deer?

You block out the distant voices as you make your way around the car. By keeping one of your hands against the metal surface, you circle it without losing your balance. 

Without the headlights shining the path ahead of you, it’s hard to see what might be on the street. But, even without lights, no one can miss the mangled silhouette crawling forward. Its legs are bent; one loose to a point where you fear it’d fully snap off if it continues to drag its limbs across the cement. 

Suddenly, its head turns up and it cries out like a human. The sound brings chills to your bones and the hollow feeling it leaves behind makes a sob escape your lips. A small button nose lifts into the air as it looks at the moon shining above the gates. 

You are paralysed.

A button nose?

The figure crawls again, using its twisted arms to move forward and dragging what remains left behind onto the concrete floor. 

You blink through your tears. The world continues to spin and you eventually force your eyes closed. The voices in the background are becoming increasingly louder, making your head scream as it becomes too much. Almost instantly, your body starts to feel warm as pain floods over your being.

The silhouette on the floor is still there when you open your eyes.

Long hair is matted with blood and dirt. Eyes threaten to cave in as the circles under its eyes claw holes in its skin. Sharp cheekbones peek out, cutting through the air as it drags its nails through the rubble, inching forward slowly but surely; much like a poor animal.

You now realise it’s crawling away from the house.

Right…

Pantalone.

You turn around back to the car. With the adrenaline leaving your body quickly, you need to tell him to call for an ambulance. 

Before you can do as much as turn, a light is cast upon you. At that moment when you see her clearly, the girl screams in agony—not in pain but out of despair. 

Her clothes are ripped, and blood pools up around the middle of her body and she seems skinny, underweight even. Likely, she was already in a bad state before the crash; underweight and starving at the least. Her figure is already dishevelled and now deformed because of you. 

Hysterically, she claws forward, further gashing her skin and leaving more blood in her trail.

The thick long stripe of blood going from her body to the end of the car; down under your feet.

Did you hit…?

…No…

“Y/n.” Pantalone steps between you and the girl. With ease, he shields the sight from your eyes. His eyes inspect your body,

Much as if you were his priority.

“Can you move?” he asks.

His figure is blurry yet his face is so perfect… much unlike the girl. Your limbs feel weak as the image is etched into your mind like an ugly scar. Every time you close your eyes, you see her. Even as the people surrounding you reach over to Pantalone to help, the cries only double and combust into a choir of anguish.

Pantalone says something to you, but you can no longer process what he’s saying.

He seems calm…

You think of how easy it’d be to fall in his arms and believe everything to be a dream. Surely, it must be—!

The back of his hand comes up to caress your cheek, dragging a line of thick blood from your forehead to your chin and staining his gloves

His eyes open, and the intense colours of his irises flood sense into your brain. With his hand keeping your head steady, he says, “you’re alright, my dear.”

Then, he repeats it.

You’re alright.

Pantalone wouldn’t lie to you. He hadn’t lied in the past, and neither will he now. You choose to believe him. 

His hands hold your face. He brings you closer until his lips fall next to your ear.

You diminish your thoughts as you let his voice carry over. 

You got into a car crash because you hit a deer. You lost control of your wheel, ran into a tree, and as a result of the impact you got a concussion—your mind is scrambled, trauma making your memory warped and untrue.

He repeats it, whispering the words like a gentle song as his arms turn you around. One hand creeps up to your neck, while the other pushes the small of your waist forward.

You got into a car crash because you hit a deer. You lost control of your wheel, ran into a tree, and as a result of the impact you got a concussion—your mind is scrambled, trauma making your memory warped and untrue.

Lights shimmer onto the roads. For a moment, you’d believe they’re fireflies. Voices surround you, either barking orders or following them with timid voices. Pantalone’s presence stands out among the others. His warmth makes you continue forward. You want to continue forward with him.

He repeats the words. 

You got into a car crash because you hit a dear. You lost control of your wheel, ran into a tree, and as a result of the impact you got a concussion—your mind is scrambled, trauma making your memory warped and untrue.

The next time you open your eyes, you’re in Pantalone’s room.

His silken sheets are a beautiful dark violet. They feel soft against your skin. When you place your head against the pillow, you smell his natural scent mixed with a soft lavender. It's different from the perfume he wears daily—more subtle and inviting—but you find that it suits him. You wonder if the lavender is a remnant of the many bath scents he uses.

You savour the short moment of your headache disappearing. The fresh and calm scent makes you want to turn around in his bed for longer. Your fingers dig into the mattress, enjoying the remaining warmth, and then you close your eyes.

You think of last night.

You clearly remember the date date-gone-wrong; and the crash too, but you fail to recall how you got to Pantalone’s house. Did you pass out?

You know you shouldn’t have called without driving, and you know you shouldn’t have assumed his roads would be abandoned as always,

But…

What got in your way…?

As you shovel through your memories, Pantalone enters the room unannounced. His expression shifts from a frown to something you’d describe as relief.

He apologises for entering before knocking. 

“It’s alright. I’m the one who should say sorry. I…” 

Your headache returns as you try to remember what happened. 

“I can remember crashing my car but everything after is fuzzy, like… a scattered memory or dream…?” 

You stop, taking a moment to find your following words. 

“It’s like my brain stopped working.”

Pantalone sits next to you on the edge of the bed and places his hand near yours. His fingers snake forward, reaching to intertwine yours in his. “The doctors tell me you suffer from a concussion. I believe it’d be best for you to remain in my care until you’ve recovered.”

“I’ve already made a big enough mess. I wouldn’t want to bother you more.”

You place your hands down on the blanket that covers your legs. Your fingers fiddle with the fabric as a way to distract yourself. Only now, you notice that you’re dressed in an oversized pyjama, which you assume is Pantalone’s. You are left to wonder when and how you got changed.

Pantalone tilts his head, eying you down from over his glasses. You know that look, he’s sent it many times before. Never does it fail at making you feel small.

He brushes his thumb over your knuckles and you realise he has shed his gloves. It’s a rare sight and you take comfort in his natural warmth when he squeezes gently.

“You can depend on me, dear. I’ve informed my assistant that I’ll be home this week. You only need to recover; let me figure out the rest.”

You sigh, letting out a mix of disappointment and frustration pointed towards yourself.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have called while driving, but—“ You groan in frustration. A fragment of yesterday flashes through your mind. “It just… ran in front of my car. I don’t know what animal would do that.”

You recall the first impact into the second. The pain in your body is a reminder of what it felt to take one hit after another.

When you lift your head from your hands—you gaze at Pantalone. The hand that had held you is now under his chin. He appears to be lost in thought, slightly frowning with lips pursed as a habit of focus.

“’lone?”

His frown turns into a soft smile at the sound of your voice and he puts his hand on your knee. “Sorry, dear. Just thinking.” He continues, “let me fix your problems. In the meantime, rest. I shall be here if you need anything.”

You watch him stand up from the side of the bed, patting your knee affectionately before disappearing into the corridor. 

As much as his presence calms you, you sense a feeling of dread.

You’re missing something.

You try to summarise last night’s events one last time.

It starts with the date. An hour before you left for the restaurant, he had messaged you; telling you he was excited and ready to see you. Then, when he fails to show up, you call him, but end up with an ‘unknown number’ response. He had blocked you. 

After this, you drive home, only to turn around as you arrive home and decide to head to Pantalone’s instead. You try to call him, feeling guilty for showing up unannounced in the middle of the night, but he doesn’t pick up and you leave a voicemail instead. 

You pass his open gates—did you open them?—and your cell phone goes off as Pantalone calls you within mere minutes of the voicemail being sent.

When you can’t hear him—why couldn’t you hear him?—you turn up your volume.

You crash… but you run into something first. 

What did you run into?

Something ran from the woods into the pathway.

You remember vaguely getting out of the car, but you’re not certain… 

What comes next…?

No matter how much you try to shuffle the events; certain things remain a mystery. Gaps are left unfilled as you toss and turn under the soft sheets. On the feathered pillow, you lay your bandaged head in defeat. 

You try to push the questions out of your head, letting the lingering scent of Pantalone consume your mind. When you close your eyes, you force the cries of last night out of your mind. A vague image of a mangled body comes up. You try to remember Pantalone instead. 

His reassuring words, his gentle touches. His generosity and never-ending patience with you; even in this situation. You think of how calm he is and how restless you are.

Sooner than later,

It’s not enough. 

You sit up and toss the covers from your body.

The cruel cold embraces you. A chill crawls up from your feet to your neck. You remember it similarly last night.

If you could, you’d stay in his bed forever. Alas, your mind plagues you and even he could not bring comfort in your darkest hours.

The room has been darkened, yet, stipes of stubborn sunlight continue to escape the cracks of the thick curtains. The time is evident to you even before you pull open one side. In the late morning sunlight, all of Pantalone’s property is visible.

Unlike last time, you now see his beautiful garden. At the window, you can see the gardener tending to the plants available in Snezhnaya below you. You see the few servants walk around at the front of his mansion. Then, your eyes follow the gravel path that’s framed by trees. 

Your car is gone,

But the long trail of blood on the street remains.

To your surprise, it drags into two directions, as if there were two separate entities. One seems to have combusted into a pool at a tree, while the other continues to drag towards the gate for a few meters. 

The image of a mangled woman pops up in your head. You remember her dirty and worn-out clothes, her leg that had been twisted at an inhumane angle, her bones that stuck out from beneath her skin.

“Y/n.”

You let the curtain fall from your grasp and you turn around.

Another flash pops up in your mind. You remember the stranger that walked up to you with the flashlight, the other people who Pantalone yelled at, the way the mangled woman started begging for her life when one of the men crushed her skull with his boot.

Two hands place themselves sturdy on your shoulders. You jolt backwards, but Pantalone’s hands keep you close.

His expression is peaceful. Gentle. Calm.

So many things you’re not.

He calls out to you again, dragging one of his gloved fingers like a familiar habit over your cheek. So so familiar.

His eyes remain closed and he users you back to his bed, telling you that you’re still unwell and that you need rest.

You ask him about the mangled woman.

He frowns.

“Dear, your brain is shaken from the crash. When I, alone, came to your car—you were passed out. I had to carry you back to the house.”

You ask him about the trail of blood and your missing car. 

“I first called a mechanic to drag your car away, then I called a friend who works as a vet to carry the deer away.”

Pantalone holds your head in both of his hands. His thumbs brush over your cheekbones, and he brings you closer to place his lips against your forehead; leaving chaos in its wake.

“The doctors told me your head suffered from injury after the impact. I feared I might’ve underestimated it. Your mind is already filling these gaps of your mind with horrid ideas. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you.”

He looks solemnly down at you.

“That, my dear, is why you should stay here. I can take care of you until you’ve recovered. I’ll call a private doctor for a check-up. He should be able to tell you if it’s advised to go home or stay under someone else’s care.”

You nod your head. 

It’s slow and unsure, but you show your trust in Pantalone. 

You’ve been friends for so long… He wouldn’t lie to you.

You trust him.

After all…

A ludicrous laugh escapes your lips at the notion.

ㅤ

“—as if a woman would be running at your property. It’s nonsensical, right?”

He smiles;

“Yes, it is.”

©dottiro. Do not copy, repost, translate, feed to AI, or take heavy inspiration from my content. Thank you for reading ♡

[ineffable-suffering]

Aziraphale, I love you. But you lied. And here's why.

Okay. I’m not gonna beat around the bush for too long. It’s time now for me to also throw my try at a personal Good Omens Season 2 Magnum Opus into the mix of already existing magnum op..i? Opusses? (Smited? Smote?)

If I’m honest, it isn’t fully my own magnum opus, as I read this meta not too long ago that made me go: „Oh! My God! That’s it!“ And I’m pretty sure a lot of other people have clocked this too by now. Of course I’m not saying it’s the objective truth but after having mulled it over for many endless nights and days, wading through the onslaught of coffee theories, body swap theories, The Metatron re-writing the Book of Life theories and many, many more, this is the one I think is most plausible and, if you look closely, most obvious.

And it goes as such: Aziraphale lied.

To all of us. All of them. And most of all, to Crowley. He lied to him. Well, he sort of did and also sort of didn’t. He certainly didn’t tell the truth. At least not all of it. I hear you ask: “OP, what the fuck are you talking about”. I answer you: Let’s start from the top and under the cut.

(Small note: this meta ended up being way too large for Tumblr, which is why I will redirect you to an external doc at the end of the post, where I have written it all down nicely and accurately. It's about 35 digital A4-pages long, just in case you want to save it for later.)

(Word count: 12.831 | Approximate reading time: 50 minutes)

Let’s start with a short recap of what happens before the Metatron crashes the bookshop party and everything goes to shit. The proper visuals for this are in my Tumblr post but I am absolutely convinced that right up until when the Metatron comes to take Aziraphale away and talk to him, the angel is fully ready to get into Crowley’s Bentley-chariot and finally ride off into the sunset (or Alpha Centauri-set or whatever). You can see it in his face and body language. You can see when the penny drops for him that a) Crowley loves him b) he loves Crowley and c) they can finally start their happily ever after. Aziraphale realizes this all throughout said Brielzebub reveal in the bookshop. And he’s such a lost cause once he does. 

I mean, look at that. Look at it. This (very shitty recording, sorry, I'm not tech-savvy enough to avoid the Amazon Prime screen recording blocker) is the very second Aziraphale realizes hat Crowley loves him. When he hears him suggest Alpha bloody Centauri as a getaway for Gabriel and Beelzebub, as Crowley has done to Aziraphale for so, so many times now. He finally understands what Crowley was trying to tell him with that all those times.

Aziraphale realizes this all throughout the Brielzebub reveal in the bookshop. And he’s such a lost cause once he does.

Right when Crowley suggest Alpha Centauri as a nice getaway spot to the two, Aziraphale looks at him and he gets it. That Crowley has loved him, has been loving him for millennia. Truthfully, they've both known that for a long while now. But there's a difference between knowing, wanting, craving and actually being able to finally have something. And that's exactly what we see on Aziraphale's face here. This is it. This is where it all starts working out for Crowley and him. This is were they can start their eternity together.

So from that second on, Aziraphale only has eyes for Crowley. He keeps physically pawing at Crowley with complete heart eyes, as if to say „Look, look, that’s gonna be us too! Finally!" He’s actually so smitten that he doesn’t even hear what Crowley is saying when he asks Shax if he can have back his apartment now because he’s sick of living in his car. (Also, what way to drop that bomb right in this moment Crowley, lmao). 

Once the Metatron comes in, the first thing Aziraphale says is that they don’t need to talk because „he’s made his position quite clear“. He doesn’t even want to talk to the Metatron, because in his mind, he’s already made the choice. Actually, he made the choice way before the bookshop showdown. For starters, I’m convinced that the Jane Austen Ball actually never was for Maggie and Nina but for Crowley and him (you can read more about that here). And apart from that, for this whole season we have seen Aziraphale trying to advance his relationship with Crowley romantically and domestically and move them to the literal next base (our car!). And after everything he just witnessed with Brielzebub, the final nail in the coffin of ethereal-infernal romance being possible, his choice is absolutely crystal clear: It’s Crowley. It’s always been Crowley and it always will be Crowley. And now it can be Crowley. They can be an us.

The whole of Season 2 is such a massive learning curve for Aziraphale’s character, with him remembering all those important pivotal points of his past,  and this very moment is the peak, with him not only understanding that Crowley loves him (because he certainly knew for quite some centuries now) but accepting that love, letting himself have that love, being allowed to want that love and taking that love and starting their new and final chapter with it. Nevertheless, the plot clock ticks for them. The Metatron saunters into the bookshop, evil and stinky as Metatrons do, and urges Aziraphale to come with him with his whole Take The Coffee schtick, which I will get into later. And Aziraphale, immediately sensing there’s Something Up, does. Can’t really turn down someone as high-ranking as the the voice of God, after all. Even if you were currently already planning how you were going to elope with a certain red-haired serpent of Eden. 

he next time we see Aziraphale on screen, it’s so painfully evident on his face that he is neither happy nor excited. Not even the slightest bit. We’d know if he was, thanks to Mr. Michael master-of-microexpressions Sheen. None of the usual “Aziraphale is happy”-signs are there. No blinding eye-smile, no giddy wriggling, not giggles and gasps. No, when the Metatron tells Aziraphale to „go tell your friend the good news“, his expression looks like this:

I’m gonna go out on an entire limb here and say: That does not look like someone who’s absolutely tickety-boo hyped to tell his demon soulmate that he just got the juiciest promotion and that they can both be angels and live happily ever after in ethereal eternity now.

This, folks, looks like someone who knows exactly that the news he has to break right now, are going to be tickety-shit awful and very upsetting to said demon soulmate. And already, from that very short snippet of conversation, we can tell that Aziraphale isn’t really given a choice by the Metatron. Because while the Metatron does tell him that he doesn’t have to „answer right away“, he immediately follows it up by: „Go ahead and tell your friend the good news!“ Very distinct and definitive choice of words here. It’s “good news” because it’s already been decided. Because it’s already a done deal. There is no “yes, no, maybe”. This is the only choice he’s giving to Aziraphale. Because it’s ‘Coffee or death’. 

And he already gave him the coffee. 

***

Tumblr won't let me continue this over a certain character limit and I am not even remotely done yet – so, I feel like this is a good moment to redirect you to the continuation of this insane meta before we're in too deep. You can do so right here!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions about this once you've fought your way through it. Hope you have a good time with it!

[panda-writes-kpop]

you're mine, and i'm yours ~ h. yj.

a/n: another request within a few days woo go katie!!! anyways happy july (best month EVER because it's katie's b-day month 🫶) and here's the request for any curious parties:

tw: slightly angsty because reader/yunjin are in a mostly long-distance relationship, but it's really fluffy at the end :)

summary: Since you and yunjin have an afternoon to spend together, you take the time to enjoy NYC with your lover. a few months later, you reminisce on this date with some extra weight in your hand.

related fics: international love

♡ Masterlist ♡

“I can’t believe your manager let you spend part of your day with me.” You say as you gently place your hands on Yunjin’s waist.

“I can’t believe my manager let me out of their sight.” She jokes before grabbing her jacket. “Do you want to head out, or are you just going to keep feeling me up?”

You pull your hands back before a sheepish smile appears on your face.

“Guilty as charged. Lead the way, babe.”

~

Yunjin’s hand feels comfortable in yours as you walk through the streets of New York City together. You didn’t know if it was the sunglasses hiding your faces, or the carelessness of the people who passed you by, but no one recognized either of you.

You didn’t mind when people recognized you - it was a part of your job, as an actor - but sometimes you just wanted to be a normal person who went on dates with their girlfriend. You could tell Yunjin felt the same, as she became more relaxed as you continued to walk together.

“What’s the plan?” You ask as Yunjin checks her phone.

“I was thinking that we could see a Broadway show, then head to a nearby store and grab some supplies for a picnic.” Yunjin looks up to give you a warm smile. “How does that sound, dear?”

“Can we go back to the hotel and cuddle for a bit? I know you have rehearsals tonight, but I thought it would be nice to spend a bit more time together.”

Yunjin presses a soft kiss to your cheek before dragging you forward.

“It sounds perfect, my love.”

~

“You could totally sing that.” You quietly remark as you shuffle through the crowd towards the exit of the theater.

“You just like to hear my voice, even if I’m singing way out of my comfort zone.” Yunjin says as you lead her out of the crowd.

“You sound beautiful when you’re singing opera, pop, or Broadway show tunes – so yes, I do love your voice as it is.”

She playfully slaps your shoulder as a light blush appears on her face.

“Thanks.” She mumbles as you laugh.

“No cute quips or funny remarks?”

“Wait until we eat, and then I’ll have plenty. I’m too hungry to think.” Yunjin says as your stomach grumbles in agreement.

~

“Let me pay for it-” You hand your card to the cashier before Yunjin bats your hand away.

“I can get it, I promise-”

“I can’t make my girlfriend pay for my food, that’d be ridiculous!” You laugh before the cashier rings out your order. “Spend your money on something you want. I know you have plenty of it-”

“So do you!” A soft whine leaves Yunjin as she grabs the bags from the cashier. “You paid for the hotel too. When do I get to spoil you?”

You turn around and lightly grab her cheek before leaning in to kiss her.

“Your love and affection is more than enough for me.” You press your lips to hers for a moment. “Besides, I don’t get much of a chance to shop anymore, and I like spending money on my loved ones.”

When you pull away, Yunjin grabs the collar of your shirt and kisses you again.

“It looks like I have a lot of kisses to repay, then.”

~

“This is nice.” Yunjin looks up at the midday sky as you take a bite of the food in front of you. “I wish we could spend more time together like this.”

She bites her lip as a wave of sadness crashes over her. You grab her hand and squeeze it as a way to comfort her.

“You’re busy chasing your dreams, as I am. One day, we’ll settle down together, and we’ll spend every day like this.” You wistfully say as she softly looks at you.

“You promise?”

“I do.” You nod before handing her a napkin. “You have a little bit of something-” 

You flick away the food crumb on her face before flashing her a smile.

“There, got it.”

“Thanks, babe.” She wipes her lips before a smirk appears on your face. “Do you remember when you asked me if I had a cute quip or funny remark to your teasing?”

“Yes, I do.” You fold your arms. “Let’s hear it.”

“Well, I was just thinking about how you’re just as attractive and charismatic as the characters you play in your movies. Do you remember the one where you saved the girl by kissing her?”

It’s your turn to become flustered as you cough into your hands.

“I didn’t know that you watched the… romantic ones.” You scratch the back of your head as she continues on.

“Of course I do. It makes me feel closer to you, even when we’re an ocean apart.”

A sweet response like that is nearly enough to send you into cardiac arrest, but you’re able to calm your fast-beating heart with a few deep breaths.

“I think we have a bed calling our names back in the hotel room, babe.”

“Lead the way.” She offers you her hand, and you grab it before heading back to the hotel.

“Come here.” You lightly pull Yunjin into bed with your interlocked hands.

~

She laughs as she crashes into you.

“Smooth.” Yunjin continues to laugh as she snuggles into your chest.

“I do my best.” You take your free hand and run it through her hair as your other hand leaves hers and wraps around her body. “Comfortable?”

“Very much so.” 

You’re both quiet - a rarity for both of you. There’s something tranquil about the way you’re cuddled together - domestic, if you dare to call it that.

It makes you wish that you could wake up next to Yunjin every day of your life.

~

“Actors on set in three minutes!” The director announces over the PA system as you scroll through your gallery on your phone.

Your trailer is comfortable, sure, but it’s nothing compared to a warm bed and a nice shower. You can’t wait to go back to your hotel room and relax for the day.

You pause when your eyes spot the pictures that you and Yunjin took on your most recent date in NYC. Sure, it was months ago, but you found yourself wanting to go back to that moment again and again.

The first picture was from the Broadway show - she was pressed against your side as a stranger took a picture of you two. You were both proudly showing off your Broadway playbills - speaking of which, yours is tucked into your luggage as a reminder of Yunjin, wherever you go.

The next picture you spot is from your picnic - Yunjin’s mid-laughter as someone’s dog has curled up on her lap. Despite not being a video, you can still hear her laughter echo around the trailer.

The last picture from that day is, by far, your favorite - she’s peacefully sleeping on your lap, with no idea in the world that you’re taking a picture of her. It was still your lock screen, all of this time later.

“Actors on set in one minute!” 

You quickly tuck your phone into your bag as you lightly fix your hair in a nearby mirror. That’s when you notice something else that needs to go in your bag.

Something you got for Yunjin recently, but you wouldn’t give it to her for a while. Something that says you’re mine, and I’m yours.

The ring feels heavy in your hands, like the weight of two futures that will be forever intertwined, but it easily finds a small pocket in your bag. You had a call with Yunjin tonight - maybe you’d talk about your future, just as a fanciful idea, for now.

Someday, Yunjin, someday.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Out Of Context Shit Heard On The SOLDIER Floor #6

Previous: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Angeal: No, Genesis, you spaghetti-noodle-spine-having-ass bitch.

Sephiroth: I identify as a tonberry *chases Cloud with a kitchen knife*

Zack: Ra Ra Rasputin *kicks Sephiroth over*

Genesis: Unhand me you cretin *alone, talking to no one*

Angeal: Zack just showed me a picture of the Grinch and said "hear me out"

Lazard: No, Sephiroth, you cannot have a human-sized cat bed in your office "for enrichment"

Cloud: Parkour time *crashes through the air vents*

Sephiroth: I'm the biggest lesbian ally in this department, actually.

Angeal: For the sake of my sanity I'm gonna pretend I didn't just see Zack twerking to One Winged Angel.

Luxiere: I would commit unspeakable atrocities for a crumb of Zack's attention.

Lazard: That stripper pole better be gone when I get back or so help me, Genesis, I will return you to the goddess.

Sephiroth: *does a single pump of sore throat spray* This is enough for sustenance for the day.

Kunsel: Care for a deep-fried cigarette?

Angeal: You look like an AI-generated twink.

Sephiroth: I've grown so tired of Genesis's voice that we now communicate solely through interpretive dance.

Lazard, over the speakers: Whoever heated fish in the break room microwave, please come by my office so I can break your knees.

Zack: Aww, I forgot to feed the Roomba :(

Genesis: I don't know why me and Angeal are being judged. Simulating a birth with a watermelon is a perfectly normal activity for two people.

Kunsel: Hopefully this office party won't end in accidental weed use.

Angeal: WHY IS THERE A FAMILY OF RACCOONS IN THE TRAINING ROOM?

Genesis: I noticed some homosexual subtext in your screams, do you want to talk about that?

Angeal: *sniff sniff* Ooh~ who's barbecuing? OH MY GOD IT'S AN ELECTRIC FIRE.

Roche: Every time I think about chopping my hair short I think "Sephiroth wouldn't want this for me" and the feeling is gone.

Genesis: I made a friend *drags in a skeleton with a Sephiroth wig*

Cloud: *points at Angeal, Genesis and Sephiroth* Pure of heart, dumb of ass, big of tit.

Lazard: I told Zack to use Excel and he started sobbing.

Angeal: WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST SEASONING YOUR GROUND BEEF?

Sephiroth: It's extremely rude to ask someone why they're eating a salad bowl of udon at 8 AM. Mind your business, Zack.

Cloud: Genesis likes Loveless so much because the title resonates with his love life.

Zack: You keep your anxiety pills in a takeaway to-go box? Dude that's so fancy.

Lazard: Why is Sephiroth the only one wearing a shirt??

Angeal: Common sense has chased Zack all his life but he wears wheelies so he's faster

Sephiroth: I personally don't use the peace sign because I haven't had a day of peace since I was 12.

Kunsel: I'm never going out in public with Zack again. A child's balloon popped when it went near his hair.

Angeal: No I'm not giving you an aspirin. Last time I gave you one you crushed it and snorted it like cocaine.

Lazard: An overwhelming majority of you peaked in kindergarten.

Sephiroth: Zack, I'm becoming increasingly concerned by the amount of potatoes in your pants right now.

Zack: This year I want an A/B/O themed birthday party.

Sephiroth: Please don't commit tax fraud, Genesis. You won't thrive in prison.

Genesis: Does anyone have an extra ramen packet to give Sephiroth? The 64 he consumed this morning weren't enough.

Roche: Commander Rhapsodos and his emo fringe is our culture.

Zack: I'm at my fucking limit! I'm about to eat a vegetable!

Genesis: He's a son of a bitch Sephiroth: That implies he has a mother, so I don't see how that's an insult.

Zack: Fuck around and find out *said with a chunk of Genesis' red coat hanging from his pocket*

Cloud: Does anyone have an extra brain cell? I lost my remaining one when Genesis spoke to me this morning.

Sephiroth: Damn.

Kunsel: Zack owes me so much money that if he sold his box of random shit he stole from Angeal, he still couldn't pay me back.

Angeal: Why are you guys playing Queen's Blood in the closet? is this a metaphor?

Genesis: Have you prayed to your Sephiroth cardboard cutout yet today?

Sephiroth: Alert me once Rufus Shinra arrives so that I may greet him adequately *said while building a pipe bomb*

Lazard: It's all fun and games until the timeout cage that I ordered online arrives.

Genesis: I will atone for my sins by becoming a nuisance to the environment.

Cloud: If Zack were a scented candle he'd smell like ADHD and crayons.

Sephiroth, standing on a table: DO NOT. EAT. THE CHEESECAKE. IN THE FRIDGE. It's mine.

Angeal: *with a bucket while it's raining hale* Free ice baby.

Zack: I finally have enough gil to buy a sixteen bouncy castles.

Genesis: Being overcome with the desire to eat pasta and call your mother at 2 AM and wondering if you're having a mental breakdown or are possessed by Sephiroth.

Lazard: I can't fire any of you, but I'm about to start setting things on fire.

[vivwritesfics]

This'll Be The Day That I Die

Chapter Two - Kegger

JJ doesn't want her, not until somebody else wants her. That somebody else just so happens to be Rafe Cameron

JJ Maybank X Reader, Rafe Cameron X Reader

1.3K

Warnings: Mention of drugs

Chapter One

When she was a girl, she remembered the older kids in the Outer Banks throwing a kegger. She and John B. would watch from the Château as the older Pogues, Kooks and Tourons drank themselves silly in the boneyard.

One day that would be them, they both thought as they watched the party commence. But then she left to live with her mother.

When the Pogues later threw keggers, with John B. instigating the fun, he didn't think of his cousin. He didn't thinking about how this was something they were meant to do together.

But now that she was here, John B. suddenly remembered the conversations they would watch when they were ten.

Things had been different back then. They were both Pogues through and through. But now things were different. John B. was the biggest Pogue of them all. Living rogue, not caring about anything and anyone but him and his friends.

She was different. She wasn't a Pogue anymore. She was essentially a Touron now. Where she was once one of them, she wasn't anymore.

But she was back in The Cut now. In no time at all she'd be a Pogue once again. Just the same as them.

JJ and John B. carried the keg between them. They led the group on their way down to the boneyard, with Y/N bringing up the rear. Her hands were in the pockets of her shorts, kicking at the sand as she followed. A kegger was the last thing she'd wanted right now. As a kid she couldn't wait to join the keggers at the boneyard, but now she wanted nothing more than to go back to the chateau and go to sleep.

They set down the keg and John B. fixed her a drink. She smiled as she took it but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "Have a seat," said John B. "More people will turn up soon."

The rest of the Pogues got drinks and, just like John B. said, more people turned up. Pogues, Kooks and Tourons. John B. and JJ handed drinks to whoever approached them and Kie and Pope began mingling.

Sarah sat herself down beside Y/N. "Hey," she said, offering her a polite smile. "I'm Sarah."

They'd already been introduced somewhat awkwardly by John B. and she appreciated this. "Y/N," she said, smiling back. This one seemed more genuine. "So, when did you start hanging around with this eyes?" She asked, pointing a finger between her cousin and his friends.

Sarah shrugged her shoulders and sipped from her red solo cup. "Last summer," she answered. "We had a kinda crazy summer," she said with a laugh.

"With John B. that doesn't surprise me," she replied and finished her drink. "What's up with JJ? He hasn't said one thing to me since I came back."

"Oh you're gonna have to ask JJ about that. Were you guys close before you left?" Asked Sarah.

She nodded her head. "He was my best friend."

***

Rafe Cameron didn't normally crash the keggers the Pogues through at the boneyard. They were beneath him, childish in comparison to the kind of things he did.

But Topper was still obsessed with his sister, still in disbelief that a Pogue had stolen Sarah away from him. Any party they threw, Rafe found himself there, white powder dusting his nose as a way of coping.

He looked around the boneyard. There was nothing there to interest him. Kook girls were stuck up and boring, and Pogue girls were... don't get him started.

He walked to the keg for a drink. "Rafe."

"Pogue."

He snatched the red cup away from him and walked away. The music was meh and the constant chatter was annoying. This might have been one of Rafe's worst nightmares.

Rafe looked around for the familiar face of his sister. He didn't care about her, wasn't looking around to see if she was okay, just wanted to see if Topper was nearby, and if he was ready to leave.

The first thing he saw was the back of Sarah's head. It was undeniably her though. Looked around her, looked for any sign of Topper. But he was nowhere to be seen. Topper wouldn't dare leave without him, Rafe knew that.

Suddenly, he wasn't looking at Sarah. No, he was looking at the girl sat beside Sarah, the one looking past her, staring right at him. They locked eyes for just a moment, but that was enough for Rafe.

He watched as she said something to Sarah, stood and stretched her arms up. She walked past her, wordlessly walked around JJ and Pope, heading to the water.

Rafe stood, not caring much when he knocked over his drink. He brushed the powder from his nose, shoved his hands into his pockets, and headed towards the water. He didn't make a noise, his steps obviously silent in the sand. As he walked, he watched her toe off her shoes, pull off her socks and step into the water.

"You're seriously friends with the Pogues?"

She turned quickly to look at him. "Am I friends with them? I... I honestly don't know," she said. The waves her gentle against her ankles.

"You're new here, aren't you?" Rafe asked. She was gorgeous, he realised as she looked at him. "I'm Rafe."

"Sarah's brother, right?"

Rafe's face fell. "You've heard of me."

But her smile was still kind as she looked at him. "Pope mentioned you, but not much more than that. I'm Y/N," she said, holding her hand towards him.

The way she was looking at him, she had no idea who he was. She had no idea the things he had done. If she did, she wouldn't have been looking at him with such kind eyes. She would have been running for the hills if she knew who he was.

But Rafe took her hand and shook it. "If you're looking for something fun to do, you should ditch the Pogues and come hang with me," he said.

"You got a phone number or something?" She asked, still holding her hand out towards him.

Rafe fished his phone from his pocket. He hesitated before putting it into her hands. Rafe Cameron didn't get anxious; he couldn't explain what he was feeling when she held his phone above the water. He resisted keeping his hands under it, ready to catch it.

"There," she said, handing it back to him. "Now we can hang out."

From the keg, John B. Routledge put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. "Y/N!" He called. When she looked towards him, he beckoned her over.

"I better head back," she said, pointing her thumbs towards her cousin. "It was really nice to meet you, though."

"You too," Rafe said. He watched as she grabbed her shoes and socks, and headed back over to the Pogues. Who on earth was she?"

Y/N headed back to the Pogues. She turned just once to look at Rafe as he still stood by the water. He too was watching her go, and she couldn't stop from smiling at him.

Maybe it would be nice to hang out with somebody else, she thought as she walked over to them. Besides, the one person she had been looking forward to seeing didn't want anything to do with her. He could barely look at her.

She had no idea what she was getting herself into.

Permanent Taglist: @urfavnoirette

Series Taglist: @aragingbisexual21 @f-i-z-z-ypops

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts

CH.32: Sea Serpent (Part 1)

I straight up forgot his name. Was it ever mentioned? I'll forget it again immediately.

Ah, right they were dead. And now they're not! Magic. It really is something. It even accounts for cross-species blood-type!

...... he.... he literally just looked at her and said 'hey you'. Did she mistake that for flirting?!

Didn't the gnome say LITERALLY two pages ago that they were fished out of a body of water? You.... you really think the party that pulled you out also took your soggy food? Before the fish got to it? Is that what you think...? 😂

......Big "strongly worded letter" energy from the left one, huh.

are you heading back to town by... going further down?

Don't worry, I'm sure that's perfectly normal.

and why are they so BROAD?! Damn, you crashed their workout party. look at them, they're beefy as hell.

That little buy in the back is a little put off by these actions. Guess he didn't get the memo that this beef-up bar would also be a massacre.

........he's safeworded out.

OH it's an illusion!?

He recognized the swing but not the axe?

putting your fingers into their mouth

don't be a coward.

Laios, the off-brand version. Except this one hyperfixates on... battle strategy?

them's some choice words for a guy who's caster just tried to bait a bunch of people into killing each other.

at least be a man about it and kill them yourselves. Oh wait. That would mean your entire business strategy would be murder.

.........damn. At that point just kill the whole fuckin party and take the cash reward, I say. Two birds, one stone, etc.

this man is thinking what I'm thinking.

:) Ah yes. I think I like WacDonald brand Laios.

slkdfjg "Yeah, I kinda saw that one coming" is great party energy. They know exactly how he would handle this and they didn't intervene. Teamwork!

you're making a lot of noise for someone who is being held by a dwarf who can probably crack your head like an egg.

oh, he's a little bit fucked up, actually (❁⊙◡⊙❁)

I sense a taste tease of a tragic backstory

:( but.......they're fun.

B-B-BUT

THE TREASURE

[the-kr8tor]

back to back requests, if you are okay with that. r finding out that she’s pregnant, and then hobie finding out? or maybe they both find out at the same time? up to you!!

Another banger request, bestie! Thank you 🫶

Pairing: Hobie Brown x fem! Reader/ Spider-Punk x fem! Reader

Tags: Use of Y/N sparsely, no specific physical description of the reader (except for her clothing), CW vomiting, description of illness, pregnancy talk, Billie and Ramona AU, Dad! Hobie, Mom! Reader, FLUFF

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

The portal opens in the living room, from the force of it opening has the boat rocking in the stagnant water. the sounds of your trinkets falling and crashing on the floor has Peter B. Cringing, while Mayday giggles excitedly in his arms. MJ follows close behind, all dressed up and pretty for their anniversary. The portal closes behind her in a mechanical sound.

“Hobie! Y/N?” Peter yells across the small space.

Mayday babbles to what sounds like your names. She tries to escape from her father's hold, kicking and squealing excitedly.

“Maybe they're still asleep?” MJ looks behind the kitchen island, she shrugs, having no idea where you or Hobie are.

Meanwhile, Mayday escapes, crawling across the floors. Upon your request, Peter took off Mayday's web shooters because in their last visit, well, the toddler almost gave you a heart attack.

Peter scratches his head, eyes flicking towards the closed bedroom door. “Do you think they're, you know?” he asks his wife with a slight whisper, wiggling his eyebrows.

MJ side glances, “Come on, really, Pete?”

Mayday points at the bathroom further down the hallway, Peter's enhanced hearing picks up retching and dry heaving inside the closed bathroom, the sound bouncing off the tiled walls.

He picks up Mayday, cradling her head. Looks like date night is postponed when the only person who volunteered to babysit Mayday is sick.

“Everything alright in there?” he knocks softly on the door.

The living room window slides open and out jumps Hobie holding onto a brown paper bag.

“You're early, hey MJ.” He says nonchalantly.

“Hi, Hobie, is she okay?” MJ grimaces after another round of retching continues inside the bathroom.

“Dude,” Peter makes way for Hobie to enter the small hallway. “Is she sick? You know I can't drop Mayday off while there's some sort of infection happening in here–” he gets a thwack upside the head from his wife.

“She's fine” Hobie says it to the couple but it's more of a reassurance for himself. “We both think she ate something bad a few days ago and she's been like this every morning.” He knocks twice on the door.

MJ looks like she's thinking.

Your pained muffled voice echoes out. “I'll be out in a minute, sorry.”

“Don't be sorry, love. I've got your meds, yeah? Come out so you can drink it” he says through the door.

With a click of the doorknob, you reveal yourself to the party in Hobie's jumper and a very old sweatpants hanging on your hip. Your eyes are flushed, sniffing to hell and back.

“Hi, sorry I don't think we can take care of Mayday today.” You say dejectedly, eyes forlorn as you look at the toddler who's equally devastated to hear the news.

“Aww man but we've got reservations–” MJ slaps Peter upside the head again.

Hobie helps you walk with his arms wrapped around your shoulders, thumb massaging comfortingly. He whispers to you. “How do you feel?”

“I feel like my stomach is doing somersaults.” You groggily say. Hobie sits you down on the settee, handing you a water bottle and medicine.

“Y/N, sweetheart, when was the last time you had your period?” You almost did a spit take when MJ asked you the question.

“Honey, what the he–cow” Peter fumbles, realizing that his daughter's still in his arms, watching him with her big eyes.

Hobie looks at you with wide eyes, slowly realizing something. You ate the same thing he eats everyday so why are you the only one with the stomach bug?

“Uh I'm late this month…” you side eye Hobie who looks like he's about to vomit right there and then. “Why? I'm probably just stressed and…” MJ gives you a soft look.

“Are you fatigued?” MJ softly asks, you nod while Hobie observes you and you only. “Any tenderness in the chest” you nod again. Hobie flicks his eyes down to your stomach. “Y/N, darling.” She smiles at you and Hobie, Peter gives you two the most awkward thumbs up. Mayday copies her dad, nodding along.

You chuckle nervously, facing Hobie, your bottom lip wobbling.

“Y/N” Hobie looks at you with glistening eyes. “Love, I think I should swing by the chemist again.” He holds your hand affectionately, eyes never leaving yours as a smile spreads across his face.

Peter's spidey senses warn him, covering Mayday's ears in one quick dad movement.

“Holy shit! Am I pregnant?!” you screech.

One agonizing fifteen minutes later, two lines appear on the small plastic stick, confirming MJ’s suspicion. Hobie was with you the entire time, holding your hand, caressing your back as he whispers ‘I love yous’ in your ear. You know you and the baby will be okay.

[theocddiaries]

[HAVING LUNCH] Bruce: You'll have to start working. Alfred: Won't he have to go to university first? Bruce: Yes, so he can be lazy for another five years. Dick: Hey, hey, hey, I don't even know if I want to go to college. Alfred: And what would you want to do instead? Dick: I don't know yet, I feel like traveling around Europe for a while. Bruce: Oh, of course! Hand me the list of hotels, and I'll start booking your rooms… Jason: If you want, I can join him to keep an eye on him. Dick [Blinks an eye at him while both smile] Bruce: Do you know what I was doing at 18? Dick: Hm… Traveling the world? Bruce: Training to do something useful. Jason: And then you came back to your mansion and millions, doing your 'useful things' comfortably, huh? Bruce: Excuse me, I came back because I wanted to do something useful here, in my city. What do you kids think? That life is a party? That you're going to do nothing until you feel like making a name for yourselves? Dick: Or until you die and we can take your name, whichever comes first. Bruce: Oh yeah? Well, before you kill me from stress, you're going to work this summer. They need cashiers at the supermarket. Dick: Nice. Go to the supermarket to 'be useful' in your city. Bruce: Don't get cheeky with me, and don’t raise your voice at me! Alfred: No arguments at the table… Dick: Bruce, if you're miserable, it's not our fault. Bruce: Listen, I'm very happy. You're the one making my life impossible. Dick: Oh, sure, it's me… Forget about me. Alfred: There, keep listening to me… Bruce: Forget about you? That's it. Give me your dish. You're grounded, go to your room! Dick: Why don’t you go to your parents' basement, Mr Thirty years old? I'll do whatever I want like a grown-up! [Gets up rudely from the table.] Bruce: I swear to God, this kid won't rest until he sees me depressed, crying in bed. And then he'll come to me with his fake apology, 'Oh, B, sorry,' just because he wants to ask for the car keys. Well, there's no car! I'll crash them all into the damn gate! [Gets up in a huff and heads to his room.] Jason: Careful don't electrocute yourself, turn it off first. [Door slams.] Dick: I can slam doors too! [Slams the front door.] Jason: See, Alfred? I told you, we should eat with the TV on.

[conchoronzon]

Audio booooooks

Sooooo I thought it might be fun to make audio versions of some of my longer stories. These aren't behind a paywall, but if you feel like purchasing one of the ebooks from Smashwords to help a guy out before you stuff me in your guts, cock, or pecs, I'll post links to those too.

I'm aiming to pose two audios at a time: a safe vore version (this is what's published b/c restrictions on erotica) and, probably, a fatal/more digestion-y version. Sometimes it'll only be one.

First up we've got the A in my Daddy's Sack Snack series.

Austin on Acid: Austin does acid with his older brother. The drugs draw out his inner taboo desires. In a longing for safety, when his dad comes to check on them, Austin attempts to return to where he came from. (CV, safe, father/son)

There's also Alex Crashed the Audi: After Alex crashes his car, his father determines he's a disgrace to the family name. It's time to clean up the family tree... (CV, fatal, cum digestion, father/son)

[countryclubkook]

Don’t Look At Me Like That

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem Pogue! Reader

Warnings: ANGST, mentions of blood, guns, death, spoilers of course, language, Rafe being absolutely insane, underage drinking (drink responsibly), not proofread so potential grammatical errors

Summary: JJ tries to keep Y/N safe and out of trouble by not letting her tag along with them as they reunite with their friends and continue their hunt for gold. But what happens when a party between friends goes wrong and Y/N finds herself in a compromised position?

A/N: I did cry while writing this so I apologize in advance <3

“Don't look at me like that! I don't want your hungry eyes all over me” you teased JJ as he raked his eyes up and down your body. You were only wearing his T-shirt and your underwear due to the events of the night before.

A late night swim (that was very rudely forced upon you when JJ threw you into the water) to celebrate John B and Sarah being alive despite still being in the Bahamas meant that your clothes were soaked and you didn't have any backups. JJ being the gentleman that he is offered you his shirt insisting that ‘it would look so much hotter on you’ and you graciously accepted. The two of you weren't dating, but you were much more than just friends. The group could see how in love you both were just from the way you looked at each other but you'd never act upon it because no pogue on pogue macking. So the both of you settled for shameless flirting and lingering thoughts of what if.

“Sorry princess, I just can't help it when you look that good” that stupid smirk that you loved so much on his face. you shook your head laughing before picking up a pillow from the couch and throwing it at him.

You watched as he dramatically threw himself back, rolling off the couch and clutching his heart. This was the JJ that you fell in love with, the one that could manage to make you laugh even at your lowest point. JJ had his eyes closed but opened one to glance in your direction. You had that beautiful smile he loved so much on full display, your head was thrown back as you laughed.

You were the most beautiful girl in the world in his eyes. He had come to you about the shit his dad was doing before anyone else, you became extremely protective over him from that moment forward. John B had offered him a place to crash if he ever needed it when he found out, but you? You basically forced him to come stay with you. So he did, he packed all his stuff and came to live with you in your little trailer a few months ago and the two of you made it your home. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice you had said something to him.

“Sorry what?” his voice confused as he shook his head

“I said, you're such an idiot” you said with a small laugh and tilt of your head.

“Yeah but I'm your idiot and you love me for it” he winked. There wasn't anything unusual with what he said but for some reason it caused your heart to skip a beat hearing the words ‘your’ and ‘love’ in the same sentence.

“Oh shut up” you said with a forced smile on your face as you turned your back towards him and walked towards the kitchen.

JJ furrowed his brows at the sudden switch in mood but didn't want to push you to talk. If it was important you'd come to him about it. Instead, he decided to go take a shower while you cooked breakfast to try and give you some space. On the way to the bathroom he stopped to give you a kiss on your cheek earning a small genuine smile for you. He took this as a win and walked with some pep in his step to the bathroom.

Once you heard the shower running you let out a deep breath, moving over to the sink to splash some cold water on your face. “Get it together Y/N, you know the rules” you said to yourself.

As much as you loved JJ and you knew the others would be supportive of you two, something inside you was preventing you from telling him how you truly felt. You were sure he had some idea because he gave you the same look. The fear of ruining the friendship with both each other and the rest of your group held you both back from admitting it. The ‘no pogue on pogue’ rule being your scapegoat for why you weren't together.

You let out a loud sigh before walking to the fridge to start breakfast. This would be the least of your worries for what was to come.

All he told you was that he, along with Kie and Pope, was trying to find evidence to implicate Rafe and Ward in Peterkin's death to clear John B’s name. After what happened to John B and Sarah, he wanted to keep you out of it as much as he could. If you went missing or got hurt because of what they were doing he couldn't live with himself. So you sat at home just hoping they were staying safe and not doing anything stupid.

A few days passed and you were getting worried, he'd been gone with no contact after Pope received some sketchy letter from a lady wanting to meet with him in Charleston. Obviously JJ and Kie weren't going to let him go alone and you were told to stay home. That they would go meet her and then come back. But that didn't happen.

Instead, they were running from Limbrey and her attack dog with no way home. Turns out you can't trust letters from rich families swearing they can prove your teenage best friend's innocence but only if you agree to meet in person. But some good came out of it when they were finally reunited with John B and Sarah. Thankfully they had a boat and we were able to make it back to the obx in one piece. JJ asked to get dropped off first while the others went to go get beer so he could charge his phone and let you know he was safe.

When it finally had enough charge, he checked his phone. Oh shit.

20 missed calls.

55 texts.

10 voicemails.

All from you freaking out about where he was and why he wasn't answering. He instantly clicked your name and called you, mentally preparing for the lecture he'd get. When you didn't pick up he got worried. You never ignored his calls, even if you were mad at him you'd send him a text telling him you didn't want to talk.

A loud knock at the front door made him jump. He grabbed his knife before slowly going to check it out. As he approached and could see clearly, he noticed it was just you and let out a sigh of relief. That was until he saw the look on your face of course.

“JJ! I see you in there. Let me in” you were so annoyed. You understood has was trying to keep you safe and help your friends, but he had you worried sick.

You heard the door unlock and watched the door slowly swing open revealing the blonde-haired boy. He brought his hand up to the back of his neck and stared at you nervously.

“Oh uh, hey Y/N/N” a nervous chuckle escaping his lips. If looks could kill, he'd be six feet under right now.

“Hey Y/N/N” you mocked him. Was that really all he had to say to you right now?

“How about ‘hey Y/N, I know I've been MIA lately but here's everything that happened. I'm sorry for worrying you” you lightly pushed his chest as you walked inside. You stood there with your arms crossed waiting for him to respond.

“Okay…I deserved that. Look that lady that wanted to meet Pope turned out to be fucking crazy and then we were running from her little attack dog because he was trying to kill us, the truck broke down in Charleston and my phone died or else I swear I would have called you immediately. Then we run into John B and Sarah and they have a boat and end up getting us back here and now they're all out getting beer and we're going to celebrate! Isn't that amazing? They're back baby!” he looked at you with a smile expecting you to throw your arms around him and celebrate.

Instead, you just shook your head and stormed outside. He followed you out confused as to why you were so upset. Sure he had failed to stay in contact with you but it wasn't done on purpose.

“I thought you died JJ. All I could do was think about you coming home to me in a fucking body bag. I was so sick and I didn't sleep the whole time because I was so worried. Then you come home and expect me to just be okay. To just get drunk and pretend like I didn't think I lost you before I could even tell you that I-” but you cut yourself off. Tears were streaming down your face by this point and you could barely see from your blurred vision.

“Tell me what?” he knew what you were going to say. He knew but he desperately wanted to hear you tell him what he's wanted to hear for months now.

“Nothing. It's nothing, forget it” you shook your head as your voice cracked, staring at the ground unable to look JJ in the eyes right now.

“Please. I need to hear you say it” he begged. He was standing in front of you now, bringing his hands to both sides of your face and forcing you to look at him.

“I love you JJ. Scratch that, I'm in love with you. I have been for ages and I tried to just push it away and let the feeling fast as time went on but I can't do it anymore. I am hopelessly in love with you” you sobbed out. His eyes filled with tears and mirrored yours.

“It's about damn time you said it baby. I love you so much, I think I've been in love with you since I first saw you” his voice was soft, much softer than it ever was.

“What about the rule?” you were still so scared of ruining the friendship with the others.

“Fuck the rule. When have I ever followed rules?” he let out a small laugh, his eyes glancing at your lips.

“You're right, fuck the rule. Now kiss me idiot” you smiled before his lips came crashing into yours. It was like fireworks had gone off inside you, it was such an intense feeling for the both of you. You'd longed for this moment for so long and now it was finally happening.

When you both pulled away you could hear cheering and clapping from behind you. The rest of the gang was there and had seen your whole confession. You hid your face in his chest out of embarrassment.

“You owe me $20 Pope” you heard Kie say. JJ looked at you in confusion and you did the same. They could see you both look at each other and explained they had made a bet.

“Oh yeah you see we didn't know which of you would break first so we made a bet on who confessed first. My bet was on JJ and Kies was Y/N” Pope said with a shrug of his shoulders before walking to the backyard, beer in hand, to set up for your mini reunion.

You ran to John B and Sarah and gave them a big hug, making sure to be careful with Sarah due to her injury. You were all crying tears of joy as you caught up with each other. Sarah told you what happened with Rafe and you were shocked. Sure he had issues but for him to shoot his own sister?

That just meant he was becoming more unhinged and you would all have to be very careful with what you did next. Night had finally fallen upon you all and everyone was having a good time.

JJ had brought the weed for you all and that combined with the beers had you forgetting all your troubles for a brief moment. There was no Rafe or Ward, there was no police chasing after you, it was just all of you hanging out together as friends celebrating Sarah and John B’s return.

John B had noticed the memorial on the tree you'd all made for him when you thought he was dead and JJ walked over to presumably have a mini talk with him. They were like brothers and he really thought he'd lost him. Kie had gone over to Pope to talk about whatever was going on with them, you didn't want to pry because it seemed like whatever they had going on was fairly awkward right now and Kie had only briefly mentioned it to you. So that left you and Sarah to talk.

You had a soft spot for her when she very first came on board your crazy adventures. She was your typical kook at first glance, but deep down there was more to Sarah Cameron than money and status. You'd grown quite close to her before she and John B had gone missing. She had become a sister to you and you loved her.

“So…you and JJ hm?” she giggled, raising her eyebrows in a playful manner.

“Yeah yeah, I was just so worried you know? With everything that has happened with us it's made me realize life is too short to leave things unsaid. You never know what's going to happen.” you said with sincerity. If you had never said anything and JJ did get killed or seriously injured, you don't think you could live with yourself knowing you didn't get to tell him how you felt.

“No I get it, I mean if something happened to John B and I had things to tell him that I never got the chance to I would regret it for the rest of my life. That's why we got married, we can say we lived life to the fullest and made each other the happiest people alive. It's rare to find someone that loves you that much” her high was still very much there, but she still meant every word. The topic of conversation sobered her up slightly.

“Woah woah woah, you two got married?!” you exclaimed a little too loud causing the others to look in your direction before returning to what they were doing.

“We did, I mean it wasn't like official but…yeah” a wide smile on her face. You reached over to give her a hug, you were so happy for her. They may not have known each other long, but the love they had for each other was real and it was genuine. You wanted them to be happy and they were.

JJ and John B came back to join the two of you as Pope and Kie headed off somewhere alone together in the boat. The four of you shouting goodbyes at them.

“Have a good time!” Sarah hollered at them with a large wave.

“Use protection kids!” you hollered listening as they shouted an ‘oh my god gross, shut up!’ in return.

“There he goes. He jacked your boat dude” JJ said to John B with a small smirk on his face.

“Pogues poking the pogue” John B had a look of either confusion, disgust, shock, or a mix of all three as he watched the can't disappear from your view.

The alcohol had kicked in and you excused yourself to go inside the chateau and use the bathroom. JJ pulled you in for a kiss before slapping your ass and letting you walk inside. You heard Sarah yelp out for you both and rolled your eyes on the way inside. Typical JJ behavior, except now he didn't have to be shy about it.

You had just finished using the bathroom and were about to wash your hands when you heard a loud crash. Assuming it was just one of the others stumbling inside you ignored it. What you weren't counting on, however, was walking out of the bathroom and having a gun placed against the back of your skull.

“Any sudden moves princess and I'll blow your damn head off. Outside now.” you recognized his voice. It was Barry, the same guy that held you all at gunpoint when you first went on this crazy treasure hunt.

And it wasn't Barry that scared you, you'd seen how easy it was to overpower him and you knew that the four of you against him would easily be enough to take him down. It was that where he went, Rafe went. And Rafe had proved to be increasingly crazier as time went on. Deep down you hoped that if you just followed orders you could be let free.

That hope quickly changed when you saw Rafe also had a gun and your other friends were all hiding in a tree. JJ felt like his heart was about to explode and his eyes about to pop out of his head. He wanted nothing more than to jump down and rescue you, but he knew that would put you in more danger so he stayed out silently hoping you were safe.

“Well well, look what we have here. You're JJ’s little girlfriend, right? Another good for nothing pogue” Rafe's words were slightly slurred and he looked out of it. He took a few steps closer to you and lifted your chin with his gun as Barry took his off. You looked at him with pure disgust and hatred.

“Go to hell asshole” you spit at him. He didn't seem to like that very much. His jaw clenched and then there was a sharp pain across your face, warm red liquid rolling down your cheek from the cut he'd left.

“Listen here you little bitch. I'm the one with the gun, don't test me right now okay? Just tell me where my sister and John B are and you can go” he had a much more aggressive tone now. You weren't stupid, you knew what he was going to do.

“I'm not telling you anything.” you snarled. He took a few steps back, shaking his head and laughing maniacally. He then noticed the tree, oh no.

“So your sisters a pogue for life, huh, Rafe? Now who would've thought” Barry taunted him. Your breathing started getting uneven as the fear finally settled in.

His jaw tensed and his weight began shifting before he finally screamed “Shit!” which caused even Barry to tell him to chill.

It all happened in slow motion, one minute he was shooting at the tree and the next you felt a sharp pain in your abdomen as he aimed the gun at you. You looked down slowly to see blood oozing out onto your shorts and with shaky hands, placed them on top of the wound to try and stop the bleeding. JJ felt like his world stopped and he just hoped Rafe and Barry would leave soon so he could get to you.

“Rafe what the fuck?!” Barry exclaimed as he pushed Rafe backwards. He gave you a quick glance before he told them they had to get out of there.

“Are you trying to get us caught bro? We gotta bounce, now Rafe come on!” the two boys finally getting into their car and leaving you all alone.

You dropped to the ground and laid on your back as the blood loss began kicking in causing you to feel dizzy. JJ came running over to you with tears in his eyes as he frantically called John B and Sarah over to help. He took off his shirt and applied it to your wound with pressure hoping to stop more blood from coming out but it soaked through it almost instantly. They all stared in shock and despair watching the scene unfold.

You brought your bloody hands up to JJ’s face causing him to look at you and stop what he was doing to help the bleeding. His eyes were full of pain, this whole time he had kept you safe and now you were fucking shot because he left you alone.

“JJ…” no, he didn't like the tone of your voice one bit. You were not saying goodbye to him right now. You were going to get help and make it out alive and Rafe would go to prison.

“No Y/N stay with me baby, I need you to stay with me” he cradled you in his arms while Sarah went to try and call Kie and Pope. None of them knew what to do, if they called for help John B would be caught. If they didn't call for help there was a chance you'd die.

“H-hey, I love you oka-y” if this was it, you needed him to hear you say it one last time.

“No no no, baby you're okay. It's going to be okay, just keep those pretty eyes open okay? Keep looking at me” his voice cracking as reality set in. You'd lost too much blood, you knew you were dying.

“D-don't look at me like t-that” you stopped midway through, coughing up blood “I don't want your last m-memory of me to be like t-this” you wanted him, no you needed him, to remember you the way you always were before this. You needed him to remember your smile, the way your face would heat up at any of his flirtatious comments, the twinkle in your eyes you always seemed to have. Only the good parts about you.

“Sorry princess” he paused to take a deep breath, “you're just too good looking to not look at”. You let out a pained laugh as your breathing slowed. You wanted him to be the last thing you saw, you wanted to die looking at the love of your life.

His tears freely flowed down his face as he gave you one final kiss. The twinkle in your eyes was replaced by dullness and the slow rise of your chest stopped completely. He had lost you.

Sobs wracked through his body as he cradled your lifeless body in his arms. Sarah and John B placed their hands on his back and shoulders as they cried with him.

“Don't worry baby, I'll make sure to get you justice. I love you

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

do you have any theories/ ideas about what PR moves or stories might come out from the world of the Sussexes in the run up to Christmas? Christmas is a guaranteed time of coverage for the royals (carol concert, Christmas day trip to church) so do you think they'll put anything else out to match?

The only three things I can think of are:

A Christmas card photo with the kids featured front and center. But my confidence is low, and the guess is based on a) Sussex PR from earlier in the year about how they were thinking about taking the kids to Vancouver IG and b) rumors that Meghan is very bothered by the internet's allegations of divorce rumors.

Tyler Perry's award thing. The gala is happening on December 4th. I wouldn't be surprised if we get an "embargoed" photo drop or a People/Page Six/etc. exclusive from the Sussexes to overshadow or compete with Kate's 'Together at Christmas' service happening on December 6th. My confidence is high on this one.

A red carpet charity gala/Christmas party. This seems to be Meghan's trajectory of late - red carpets and glam launch events. I can see her trying to do a Christmas party (or crash a Christmas party) in a fauxyal attempt.

I don't think they'd try "will they won't they" for Sandringham since the palace has already said they hadn't been invited. I suppose they could try PR for a New Year's visit, but they haven't done that before.

To be honest with you all, I'm more curious about what they will do to make Kate's birthday about themselves. Since past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, I think they're going to be quiet for Christmas and will come out with something in early January that deflects from Kate's birthday (January 9th):

2017: Pap photos from Skippy's wedding on January 7th followed by Meghan's PR about giving Kate a dream journal for her birthday on January 10th when they ran into each other on London (which I find incredibly suspicious but that's a sidebar for later).

2018: Meghan shut down her social media and had KP officially announce it.

2019: Meghan announces her first patronages and makes her first clap back to Duchess Difficult rumors

2020: Megxit

2021: Harry and Meghan announce they have shut down their Sussex social media.

2022: (didn't work; Kate has a milestone birthday.)

2023: Spare and Harry's media tour

2024: Meghan tries to launch a Hollywood comeback but it doesn't work when Suits has a red carpet reunion without her.