#I'm being 100% real here

[oediex]

Loving animals is a privilege. To see the richness and beauty of their lives. It's in every cat sitting on a windowsill. It's every dog that people are walking. It's also the flies that lose their way in my apartment. It's the spiders that used to scare me. It's the hope-you're-safe I sent towards the rat I saw crossing the road. It's happy cows and pigs and chickens. It's all the animals that I know I'll never see, but that do exist in all their splendidness. All these individuals, all these lives, all these minds.

Loving animals is also hard. It's seeing their dead bodies plastered on billboards. On people's plates. In the butcher's window just around the corner. It's 90% of the grocery store I refuse to buy. It's knowing there is a street in my town where in one building they're saving animals deemed worth saving, and in the one next door their throats get slit. It's animal abuse that only counts when it's an animal we think is cute. It's fish not even getting the respect of being counted as individuals. Loving animals means living in a world full of murder. A reality so inescapable the only safe space is my own house. And the people I love are all complicit.

[fridgefeet]

the msa trio go to a halloween party! 🎃

[dollypopup]

y'all can all cancel me (again) for this, but if there's even a SHRED of 'who should I pick?' from Penelope in season 3, I am tuning out SO fast because like. . .sorry not sorry, there IS no choice. Debling is some crusty OC suitor she barely even knows and Colin is a man who she has been so supposedly in love with to the point where she'd ruin her entire family's reputation to have a potential love story with him. Penelope and Colin have background, years of knowing each other, intimacy that few people in the Ton can boast of having (letters, conversations about purpose, fights and arguments and makeups) and her and Debling have. . .a dance or two at a ball because he's a rebound for Penelope's broken heart. he means nothing. he has no nuance, he has no weight to the story, he is such an afterthought to me. either I wanna see Penelope going 'you know what? I don't even LIKE this dude. he's. . .fine, but I don't care about him even a shred as much as I care about Colin' or the INSTANT Colin's like 'you know what? we should get married' if it's not an immediate 'say less, you're already my husband, try returning me without the receipt, Debling whomst?' then I don't want it!

like. . .it's just so frustrating to see all the 'I hope Debling sweeps her off her feet and she rejects Colin's proposal and she makes him work for it and and and-' nonsense from the fandom and it's always tagged and no matter how many times I block it, it just keeps popping up. I go into the Polin tag for POLIN. I don't give a SHIT about a male love interest other than Colin. Not one. Not a shred. Not an iota.

and also. . .Debling has the 'benefit' of not having depth, or character traits, or HISTORY, so peeps can project onto him however they want, but I'm calling it now, there is NOTHING he could do or be that would make me like him more than Colin. Colin will always hit different, and I will always love him more. and if Pen's not on that same page? lol bye

you want me to believe Penelope and Colin are soulmates and it's romance for her to hem and haw about how difficult a decision it is for her to marry a stranger who knows barely anything about her. . .

when Marina was out here dropping banger lines like 'You were the only man with which I could see myself being happy' and 'I do not care about any of these men, where is Colin?'? like hello??? and she wasn't even fully in love with him!!!! but we'll demonize her until the cows come home in our fandom and make her the villain in Polin's love story for DARING to get in between Polin, yet Debling, a white man, is a darling dear perfect prince for getting in between Polin? existing in our fandom solely so Penelope can be like 'lol, Colin ain't shit, let me entertain any and everyone else'?

if that's the direction it goes then, ten toes down and on my mama, she doesn't deserve Colin and she can move because I'm on my way to court him my damn self

and that's that on that

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[dw-flagler]

funny how much victoria places squarely on the shoulders of tattletale. she COULD HAVE STOPPED THE ENDBRINGERS AT ANY TIME but she DIDN’T just so that leviathan could KILL MY FAMILY. honey you sound insane.

[cesium-sheep]

aaaaaaa okey I ordered the speaker and the star projector. (and a beauty blender and a neck support and the new volume of yona and the garbage disposal cleaner matt wanted.) it was still only $35 actually out of pocket and I get my allowance in the morning which will completely replace that amount. I will definitely like the speaker and if I don't like the star projector arin will.

[memorydragon]

Okay, so I know I'm shouting to the void here and you guys probably want mdzs updates instead of my rambling about the more obscure novel that I started reading before mdzs was a blip on my radar, but I'm going mental over here and this is what you're getting.

I'm just so Normal about Jiang Ting saying "Don't test me. I'm on your side." And when I say normal, I mean completely normal levels of Absolute Unhinged.

Because he will fail the test every time.

"Don't test me." When Yan Xie questions him on why he hid the packet of drugs, of course it's suspicious. Of course he lies. (Though is it a lie, that he wanted it for himself, to hide the evidence that will lead Yan Xie further to the truth) The truth will damn him, the lies will damn him, what else can he do?

"Don't test me." When Yan Xie asks why he wasn't tortured by the drug lord when he was captured, he asks back, "Who says I wasn't?" Yan Xie's anger at the lie, at the omission he knows is there was real. But the truth will damn him more, that sensory deprivation was the gentlest form of torture, because why would a drug cartel need to be gentle with a cop?

"Don't test me." When Yan Xie drops a recorder in his pocket to listen in as Jiang Ting interrogates Li Yuxin, and lies to her about being the betrayer, and they're texting right next to each other. He can't help the small panic that Yan Xie had been listening in. Because that was a lie, but it held too much truth, that to be betrayed there had to be relationship before. He failed the test, only to see Yan Xie's final message while waiting outside the operation room, because Yan Xie was dying in the next room, and his message was "What are you afraid about? Why don't you trust I'll help you?"

"Don't test me." When Yan Xie loses his temper and does test him, when he's a little too violent because he's being blocked from investigating and tries to force Jiang Ting to the martyr's cemetery. He apologies to Jiang Ting softly, wiping the water away with a gentleness Jiang Ting doesn't believe he deserves. When his feet are burned because Yan Xie needs answers - answers that he cannot and will not give, despite everything, Yan Xie again apologizes and tends the burns. Yan Xie wasn't in the wrong suspecting him, and he's failed every test, but Yan Xie is the one who apologizes and realizes he's gone too far. Except he hadn't gone far enough to get to the truth that would have Jiang Ting fail once again.

"Don't test me." When Bu Wei jumps off the bridge and tries to take Jiang Ting with her. He sees too much of himself in her - Yan Xie sees too much of Jiang Ting in her - but he'd let her go to save himself. Except then she jumped and that wasn't how it was supposed to end, because there had to be something after the realization that the worst betrayal wasn't being left behind. When he looks at Yan Xie and tells him it's up to you. To turn Jiang Ting in or not, to believe him or not please, don't believe him he'll accept whatever Yan Xie decides he is, a traitor or friend. He cannot trust, cannot give his faith, and it's up to Yan Xie to decide if he can still accept that.

(And that's a whole different rant about how Jiang Ting cannot define himself, how he can only mold himself into what other people want him to be, say what they want him to say, because the only time he tried to choose who he wanted to be, his whole team died and he was left in a coma for three years. I'll be Unhinged about that in a perfectly normal way another day)

"I'm on your side." When Yan Xie has seen the orphanage's records, followed the evidence to it's natural conclusion, that all the times Jiang Ting had lied and omitted to save himself were finally exposed. Yan Xie has deleted the only picture of Jiang Ting on his phone and has already broken his own heart when Jiang Ting asks, "Do you still believe in me? - It's better you don't."

"I'm on your side." When he kisses Yan Xie after all the cards are on the table, as tears run down Yan Xie's face while the King of Spades watches for any flaw. He points a gun at Yan Xie's head, ready to pull the trigger that will keep Yan Xie from coming after him and tells the truth for the first time. "I love you, Yan Xie." In front of his adoptive family of drug lords, in front of the man who betrayed him and that took him in as a brother, in front of the bodies of the people he had just mercilessly shot down, as the Queen of Hearts, whose own heart is enchained by hatred and thorns caused by the drugs he can't escape, he tells the truth, which can only be accepted as a lie.

"I'm on your side." When Yan Xie finds the evidence that Chief Lu is lying, that Jiang Ting went undercover to get rid of the drug cartel once and for all and he realizes that his wavering faith in Jiang Ting was expected. That he was the one who failed that time, even though it was necessary for the King of Spades to take Jiang Ting back. That despite that, Jiang Ting had still left him a way out and saved his life. And Yan Xie is going to drag Jiang Ting home, no matter how dangerous.

"I'm on your side." When Jiang Ting asks him, "why are you here?" when Yan Xie holds him and kisses him softly after nearly dying because he was exposed, and Yan Xie replies that no matter how harsh the betrayal - the truth - he couldn't love Jiang Ting less. That just because Jiang Ting pointed a gun at his head, didn't make Yan Xie miss him less. (You want to talk about scenes that make Mem absolutely feral, this is one.) He has to go back under cover, he has to leave again, but Yan Xie will drag him back.

"Don't test me." One last test. Yan Xie tells him to jump, that they are either going to get out of this together or die together. Yan Xie refuses to let him fail this time. No matter what, he won't leave without Jiang Ting. I'll be by your side, because living is harder than dying.

And Jiang Ting jumps.

[kfedup]

Lila and I went to the Wrentham outlets to shop for a dress for her to wear to my niece’s graduation and I’m good, I don’t need to go to an outlet again for another ten years. In fact, I despise clothes shopping. But, I did find a pair of pants and a top at Banana Republic and a pair of Lucky jeans for half off, so that was a plus. So much easier to find what works when you can try it on, but so hard to find anything that works when you’re forced to try it on in a little closet with the worst lighting on the planet highlighting all the ways age and gravity and that cookie addiction is playing high and loose with your body. Shopping is terrible and I don’t understand people who enjoy it enough to purposely spend time doing it for fun. 

Also, the air quality was completely fucked from the Nova Scotia fire smoke - hazy yellow sky that made it feel like it’s 15 degrees warmer than it actually is, and the taste of burnt universe in our mouths. Weirdly a half hour south in Bridgewater, it’s fine, with a deep blue sky and the smell of freshly cut grass and the Black Locust trees in full bloom filling the air with their intense fragrance. 

After shopping I required a 20-minute power nap in which I fell to the very bottom of the lake. Now, I’m at the dining room table attempting to engage my brain enough to do some work, listening to the traffic that’s primarily made up of diesel four-door pickup trucks that race down the 35 mph residential street going at least double that, and often much faster. Many have Trump signs and giant American flags mounted to the back, unfurled behind them, snapping in the wind. Even in this blue state, so many Trumpsters. 

It’s so crazy to me that in the 70s and 80s we all (dozens of neighborhood kids) played in the street every day - riding bikes and skateboards, bouncing on our pogo sticks, jumping rope, stopping our endless street hockey game to move the net every now and again to let a neighbor pass on their way home from the grocery store or work or to crowd around the ice cream truck to buy banana and root beer popsicles and sherbet cannonballs with bubble gum balls melted and gooey in the bottom of the plastic cone. Now there’s a car every ten seconds or less at rush hour and a steady stream the rest of the day and the trunks of the once-young Maples we climbed in the front yard are too big to get our arms around. 

I’m trying to tie this up neatly, but I think I need to let that idea go and move on to the client work I keep avoiding, so enjoy this thematically-challenged post about too many things, or don’t, as @thecasaofjulesie2 would say – I’m not the boss of you. 

[7-oh-ta1]

When I see ppl hating on king rhoam i start blacking out and seeing visions

[bylertruther]

just remembered lucas and will's excited tappy-hands hugs and also their strong, stable, full body, will's chin hooked over his shoulder hugs . i am both Healed and also Dead

[discoreptile]

Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!

[neonnoir-ao3]

I’ve been listening to your Showtime playlist and ahhh! I love it!! It really fits them. Also, if you’re taking some recs I have a good one! If not, sorry. Fell free to ignore

AHHH I'm so glad you like it!!! 💙💙💙💙

And yes, I do take requests into consideration! It's slightly tailored to my fic Community Gardens and the themes it focuses on, so not all Showtime-relevant songs will appear on it for that reason.

Believe it or not, I didn't add this specific song sooner is because I've got it on another character playlist! For a character with a, uh, very contrasting vibe...

(*shameless plug*)

But regardless, I agree: the vibes and lyrics fit enough to add it! :)

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

*dusting off this old blog* Well it's been a while, isn't it?

[dokjaism]

.

[knxfesck]

I've been seeing this huge disconnect between how a specific genre of white queer people vs queer people of color are responding to the current political situation, especially on apps like tiktok. You'll see a vaguely androgynous white person making videos about how theyre scared to go out in public now and then right after a black trans woman at a protest.

I'm not saying it's injust or not okay to be concerned about the current political climate and how it regards LGBTQ+ people. But I am saying it's interesting how easily certain people will fearmonger and doomerpost in response to the concept of oppression directly affecting them compared to people who are maybe used to dealing with systematic oppression 24/7. Because a lot of people have to keep going and can't just... not go outside because of the threat of being attacked or discriminated against or targeted by police.

Obviously there's nuance and intersectionality to this but if you're a white queer person and you know you're somewhat priveleged on the graph of racism to misogyny to homophobia to transphobia, think about your other gay and trans peers- especially your black, brown, and indigenous peers- and how they're responding to this before making another post about how you're going to die instantly upon stepping foot in a majority republican state.

Obviously the takeaway here isn't that white people are less justified in worrying, but that as queer people we are stronger together. Solidarity forever etc etc. And building solidarity does not happen when you avoid thinking about how anyone different than you in your community is affected and choose to wallow in your own perspective instead of working together with them.

[alltimefail-sims]

Maaaaan I typed up this kinda long ass post about the aesthetic conversation; not that I think anyone would particularly care about what *I* have to say on the subject, but I digress. I'll just mind my business 😂