#I'm also taking the time to like. process I'm going to see them for the first time in six days

[power-handmaiden]

Chuck Tingle interview

OK, here is the FINAL 2024 Tingles My Butt post, which I've been pretty hyped for. I still kind of can't believe this. While I was figuring out how I'd move on from 2024, @drchucktingle generously offered to answer some questions of mine to commemorate the end of my tingler project! Here they are!

-Considering that your process for tinglers is just to write it out and not stress about proofreading and editing, was it weird for you to see someone decide to go back, examine, and contemplate every single tingler published in the past decade?

the whole dang project was really wonderful for me, for exactly the reason you have just said. tinglers are very STREAM OF CONSCIOUS and only edited with one quick pass so while i think this adds to their honesty and rawness it also means that my time with them is limited. really watching someone go back through them at this depth was like reading a diary that i have not opened for many years, and it jumps around through time in a very beautiful way. it was very moving

-I love tingler character names. I personally admire how many great ones you come up with. (I never know what to name my ttrpg characters.) You just come up with all these great names that seemingly spring from nowhere, how do you do it?

DANG great question cant believe i have not been asked this before but yes there is a type of name that shows up in the tingleverse that is unusual and has a certain feeling and cadence that is very specific. if i am trotting along with sweet barbara and there is a name of a product or a place or something that has this tone we will say ‘oh thats a tingleverse name.’ the reason i wanted to do this in the books was as a very subtle way of saying these stories exist on a timeline that is RIGHT next to ours, so in some ways it is exactly the same as our world but there are these little cultural differences with things like chocolate milk and spaghetti and then with the names. you will have buckaroos like justin and sarah trotting along next to buckaroos named corb torbins-quill or borto lart.

-So, as a reader, reading from 2014 to now, old tinglers and new tinglers feel different to me. I believe you when you say tinglers have always been sincere, but they feel MORE sincere than they used to be. Like, I feel like there was some self-consciousness and irony in some of the early tinglers that you've since let go of and embraced the Chuck Tingle voice more. I don't know, am I imagining this, or does this square with your tingler writing journey? If it does, what has that process been like for you?

i think you are absolutely correct. the intention with tinglers was always to be a place for me to express myself with complete sincerity, but the practical way of HOW to trot like this took a bit of an evolution to arrive at. in other words i knew the basics, but actually refining the best way to express yourself and perform your art takes time. maybe in the same way goin back and watching season one of a tv show can feel very different from season three, even though they are part of the same expression. 

similar thing happened with in my chuck PRESENTATION as well, where my main focus was to stay anonymous so the metaphors i used to talk about my life were still true but laid on much thicker. even my attire was a large gi so that you would not even be able to see my shape, which has obviously changed now because i wear suits these days. all of this was a process of starting in a place i knew was important to me and then peeling off the parts that were not helping the message or expression over time

-Is there anything you could tell us about the significance of Borson Reems? I feel like he's more than just another Buck Trungle/Chuck Tangle/etc but I'm not sure what exactly...

yes borson reems is god. not that i believe in GOD in the way that most buckaroos talk about god (i am agnostic) but within the tingleverse, borson reems is an avatar for the creator of that world. technically i am borson reems, because i am writing the books. the question is: are we all the gods of our own little worlds that we create? i do not know, but when i look around at my buds and the joy and love they bring to various timelines they sure seem like gods to me

-A lot of no-sex tinglers (especially ones that aren't romance-focused) vary in terms of plot and structure a lot more than erotic tinglers. Is your writing process for these stories any different?

same process actually, but the sex scenes in tinglers are about 1500 to 2000 words long, and total tingler length is 4000 words which means if you are not including that portion you are going to have to come up with some creative way to fill that space in the story and a new axis for story to turn on. so the variety comes from me getting creative and trying out different axis points

-In "Not Pounded By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Non-Fungible Tingler That Is Literally This NFT" Because Of The Current Catastrophic Environmental And Ethical Impact" there are references to an earlier draft of the story that was never released because you ended up disagreeing with the message. Are there any other tinglers that never got finished and/or published, if you'd be willing to talk about any of them?

oh this is a VERY good question. the story of the NFT tingler is that when buckaroos were first talkin on nfts online and nobody really knew what they were, my first thoughts were just ‘oh this is interesting what the heck is this?’ this is my way with most CURRENT EVENTS. and i thought ‘this would be an interesting tingler, i suppose maybe i should make the tingler an ACTUAL nft’. this was in VERY early days so i did not really even understand what an nft was (neither did 99 percent of buckaroos yet honestly). so i looked into it just enough to actually MAKE a nft tingler that was a real nft and put it out. lasted for about thirty seconds before buckaroos were messaging saying ‘oh this is bad chuck you should look into what this is’ and i DID look into it and thought’ oh yeah this is terrible nevermind’. i took down the original and thought ‘well THIS is what art is all about. this is where i thrive in a world of moving living art that is in communication with itself’. so i dove into the research and actually started to understand NFTS and then i repurposed the story into a strongly anti-nft tingler and put that on out instead.

as far as OTHER tinglers that kind of move and breathe and live like this, in communication with the audience, GAY T-REX LAW FIRM is another very good example. that one i wrote early on and i think it was kind of in the model of something like fifty shade of grey, where issues of kink and consent and communication are not really handled well. i think at the time it came out the story was okay, but as time went on it always kind of bothered me and finally i thought ‘i love art that exists in the REAL WORLD and changes and evolves, so lets rewrite that story and fix some of these mistakes.’ honestly it is something i wish more artists would be open to. its okay to let something hold strong against a changing timeline, but it is also okay to explore what its like to take the notes that time gives us

-This one is about Chuck Tingle that exists in deeper layers of the Tingleverse that operate on tingler logic: what does the location inside his/your butt look like?

probably a nice mid-century modern home up in laurel canyon neighborhood of los angeles. kind of quiet and small like a cabin but also very cozy, like the kind of place where you would put on a crosby stills nash and young record on vinyl and gaze out into the woods for a while then walk down the hill for dinner at a little cafe where you spot some actor from a 60s tv show also having dinner in the corner booth. this basically sounds like the start of a tingler and in that tingler i will say the actor would be a bigfoot.

-OK this one is very self-indulgent but if you could help settle this frequent point of discussion I have with my wife- where do the following fit in the Tingleverse bigfoot/dinosaur/unicorn/living object(/human/does not apply?) taxonomy?

-a ghost of a regular human

-a regular human vampire

-a human/fish mermaid

-a sentient winged horse

-a sentient centipede large enough to wrap around a mountain several times (she is handsome)

alright lets trot through these. a GHOST is not one of the four tingle types so you can have a ghost racecar or a ghost unicorn or a ghost bigfoot. ghosts are outside of the four types and do not have a classification

a VAMPIRE is also outside of the four types. so you can have a vampire bigfoot or, of course, a vampire night bus. does not strictly fall into any of the four main categories

MERMAIDS are technically a long lost species of unicorn I DONT MAKE THE RULES I JUST EXPLAIN THEM. this makes the MERMOPED tingler a little confusing but i had to pick a category and that one went into living object. now that i mention it possibly the only tingler that is technically a double category of unicorn/living object.

WINGED HORSE is easy, thats a pegasus which is a species of unicorn just like a mermaid

a SENTIENT CENTIPEDE LARGE ENOUGH TO WRAP AROUND A MOUNTAIN is an ancient creature, therefore dinosaur tingler

-My other self-indulgent question: do you have a favorite bug? (Or second-favorite if you count Mothman as a bug)

i love finding spiders in the house and giving them a pet because they are doing a good job livin their lives doin their thing. close second would be a pretty ladybug

-Any thoughts on what tinglers will be like in 2025? Do you expect to be writing a lot of political tinglers again, like post-2016?

honestly i really do not like writing specifically political tinglers anymore, and the amount that i write has gradually dropped over time (i think ALL tinglers are political but in a different way). so honestly i think i will write a few political tinglers but not many. my hypothesis on this is that my HORROR NOVELS are very very political and so maybe i get a lot of these ideas out of my system that way now. when it comes to tinglers i just wanna explore my OWN mind and heart and butt more

THANK YOU for these wonderful questions and thank you for your tingler-a-day project it was so moving and powerful. what a treat it was an honor to be a part of something so beautiful. THIS PROVES LOVE IS REAL

[ceilidho]

Do you struggle with “damn… this is such a sucky thing” when you write? And If you do…. Do you have any tricks or advice for someone struggling with self loathing?

yes constantly!! y'all don't see if because i keep that off my blog most of the time. but im constantly tearing myself to shreds because i don't like the way i wrote something or i don't think i'm skilled enough to write for a genre or i just think i didn't meet my lofty aspirations. in my opinion, that's an inherent part of being an artist for most people.

it also depends where you're at in your "writing career" or whatever you want to call it. if you're new, the biggest thing to just make peace with is that sometimes your shit does suck and that's okay. the most important things to focus on are: cultivating the discipline to write (which is insanely hard in and of itself), actually finishing your projects, and enjoying the process (which tbh i slip in and out of - that ALSO takes immense discipline).

whether or not they're actually good is kind of an after thought because you can continue to improve throughout your life and you can always edit your work later. i constantly finish fics and then reread them and go "fuck i could've done x, y, and z and this would've been so much better" but that's just part of life.

i have a bunch of contradictory advice here so use the one that works best for you:

write a lot of short things that help you get in the groove of writing (1000 words or less - tumblr posts are great for this)

write your shitty first draft of anything (novel, novella, AO3 one-shot, etc) and do all the editing AFTER it's done. because the first draft is always going to suck but at least it'll be DONE.

OR...don't edit at all but just post your fic chapter by chapter and completely ignore the impulse to fix it if your intention is to get comfortable with people actually reading your fics.

get a journal specifically for writing and use it for the following: writing short poems, sentences, words you like + definitions, copy + paste quotes from authors you admire, half-baked ideas, novel outlines that you never write, whole scenes, etc). i have dozens of journals like this.

also i think it's super relevant to note that you as the author will always be more critical than anyone else (apart from a couple weird assholes - i had someone once compare me to colleen hoover in a derogatory way (never read the bitch) and like cmon.....). it's very hard to create and let total strangers read your work.

but it's also extremely rewarding and cathartic! any pain i've gone through in the last 2 decades (i've been writing since i was a little kid) is nothing compared to the joy i've received from having people read my fics and like them.

[lynnaredfield3383]

Part 3 - Bakugo's Ex. Swearing. Fem reader.

Bakugo is sure you will take him back after he broke it off a year ago. Shoto is sure he can win your heart. The competition is exhausting. Who will you choose?

You took a deep breath opening your office door and groaned internally. On your desk were two vases of roses. The left vase held orange and green roses, while the right vase held red and white roses.

For the last three weeks, there hadn't been a day when the florist didn't come to your agency. You usually sent the flowers home with someone, but now you were done.

You grabbed your phone as Denki slipped into your office. He sat on the couch waiting for you to get off the phone.

"Hello?" Shoto answered.

"Hey, I'm sorry to bother you on patrol, but can you please stop sending flowers?"

"What would you prefer I send?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I'm going to keep sending you gifts. If you don't want flowers, I can buy you jewelry, plushies, or shoes. Fuyumi says women love shoes."

You were speechless as you tried to process what was going on. Denki sensing trouble grabbed the phone from you.

"Hey dude...Oh, well, she loves selfies. Especially v-cut shots. Later."

"Denki!!! Not helpful!"

You grabbed your phone back as Denki laughed, falling back on your couch.

"Not helpful, but hilarious!"

You rolled your eyes at his immaturity, pulling up Shoto's contact when a text came through. You opened it and nearly died.

The photo was Shoto in his uniform, but the top was up and a perfect view of his abs and v-cut filled the screen.

"Holy shit. Denki, I'm going to murder you."

"What. Why? Wait, did he send one already?!"

"What do you think?"

Denki was at your side in seconds, wearing a serious expression.

"Damn. I'm gonna have to get his training regimen. Mine is not..."

You put your hand over his mouth to shut him up.

"C'mon. We gotta get to our patrol. Intel says the next drop is tonight, and I can't deal with this until later."

Bakugo's phone buzzed while he was filling out paperwork.

Sparky: Better up ur game.

Bakugo: ??

Sparky: Roki's off 💐. V-cut pics.

Bakugo: Idiot

Bakugo scrolled through his most recent gym pics. Ones he'd held back from sending since you two had broken up. Now, in competition with Icyhot, he would send at least two a day.

Standing, he looked out the window on the city below. Hands shoved deep in his pockets, he leaned his head against the glass. So many nights like this, you'd made time to check in on him. Massage his scalp or bring him a homemade meal. Had it really been a year.

"Damn, I miss you," Bakugo whispered to his empty office.

....

When your patrol finally ended, you pulled your phone out to see multiple messages from Bakugo and Shoto.

As of right now, you had enough pictures from the two of them to start a calendar.

Sighing, you left your agency and started the walk home. You knew you had to choose to end whatever this competition was.

You believed in second chances, but you also believed there was a reason for everything.

Shoto checked his phone again, wondering if you liked the pictures he sent. Truth was Shoto had liked you long before your drunk request to bring you to his place.

It was obvious you still cared for Bakugo. Even so, Shoto felt hopeful from the way you looked at him. It wasn't as intense as the way you used to look at Bakugo, but he was sure you liked him.

You were staring at your bedroom ceiling when you heard tap, tap, tap on your balcony door. The curtains were closed, so you stood up and peeked through them.

What was he doing here? And on your balcony at 2am.

"Shit..."

Looks like you were going to have to decide sooner rather than later.

@nerdsciencetheories

[piercethefic]

raw/risky sex and breeding !!! your writing is very hot

Request! Send me lots of them if yall want!

------------------------------------------------

Post prison Spence

Warnings: SMUT and fluff - p in v - degrading - raw/ breeding - begging - oral fem- mention of 🔫 (fbi training) - y/n once

You and Spencer have known each other since you were kids , you were a child prodigy along with him. You went on a different path for a while , forensic science. But once you decided to become a part of the team , he knew he'd have his first love back. He loved you all of college and high school. He fantasized about you constantly.. not even knowing that the spark that is inside him is also inside you. You took classes to learn about the field. He taught them. He slowly caressed his arms down your arms as he helped you hold your g*n and shoot the target. You felt his breath down your neck and turned around to see him face to face. Seeing his gorgeous eyes looking at you quickly made a puddle in your panties form. You knew if he touched you any longer, even in a seemingly meaningless way , you'd cum on the spot. What girl wouldn't? He smirks and says, "You okay? Look quite startled." ... "uh I'm okay" you giggle, knowing you're not okay and you want him to take you right here. You have a thought, go for it, kiss him.

You leaned in and kissed him ... he kissed you back passionately. "I've wanted to do that for a long time y/n"

"Spence...tell me If you don't want this...but I do" you kiss him passionately and he pulls you up on the counter of the shooting range. "Baby. Tell me If you wanna stop , or I won't hold back anything"

He pulls your clothes off fast and rips them in the process "I liked that shirt" you giggled. He pulls your panties off with his teeth and kissed up your thighs. "Don't move or make a sound slut." The name makes you wet, he can taste your attraction to him as he eats you fast. You can't hold back the moans and you run your fingers through his messy fluffy hair. "Please..fuck me" .... " needy little slut"

He pulls his pants down , leaving his black button up on. He slides into you leaving no time to adjust. You gasp in pain and pleasure. "Pretty little slut. You love this. I've been wanting to do this since you gave me my first boner ever. You tease me. So slutty. So beautiful. I'm ganna cum in you. I don't care who walks in."

He fucks you hard enough to almost knock you off of the counter. You can feel him hitting your cervix and you roll your eyes to the back of your head. "No slut. Look at me" He grabs your face and makes you look at him. "Look me in the eyes as I cum and fill you up. You'd look pretty knocked up with my baby , walking around the bau and everyone knows you're my slut. My first and only slut. Be a good girl and cum."

You feel yourself getting closer and see him biting his lip. You know he's close.

"Baby cum for me. Give me your babies. I need to feel you cum in me" You say desperate

"Desperate slut. Want someone to walk in and see you being the slut you are? I bet"

He cums deep inside you. You think he's done , he continues knowing the risk only gets stronger of someone walking in.

He kisses back down your thighs and finishes licking you. "be a good girl and cum for me" You cum on his face and squirt all over him. "Naughty girl"

"That was .. intense Spence"

"How are we supposed to walk out like this"

"Idk..come to my place later tho?"

"I'd love to"

------------------

I hope you like it!

[jibbmanifests]

Debunking Law of Assumption Myths

I've learned a lot about manifestation and law of assumption over time. I've heard a lot of BS that didn't end up being true, so I'm writing a list as a reminder for all of us.

It's magic/hocus pocus - Nope. You can view it as your own kind of magic or magic powers of the universe (in a positive way), sure. But it's not something made up and you aren't putting spells on people or anything crazy like that. All you're doing is changing the way you see things in your own life and then the universe automatically reflects that. It's also been studied by philosophers like Neville Goddard. There's actual science involved with quantum leaping.

It's toxic positivity - Unless you're not allowing yourself to feel anything other than positive feelings, then no, LOA does not involve toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is trying to be overly positive in negative situations and pushing that onto others who are feeling down. When it comes to manifesting, you can allow yourself to feel upset and have doubts while still manifesting what you want. There's no rules saying things like, "you can't feel lousy or else you won't get your desires." You can feel down or be dealing with a massive struggle and still affirm or visualize that you have what you've been wanting. And, even so, you don't have to affirm as you're yelling or crying about something. It won't "cancel" your manifestation. We all waver at times - we're humans with emotions.

There's right and wrong techniques - No. The technique is not how you manifest. Let me explain. The purpose of trying a technique is to help you get into the state of "I have everything I desire" (state of wish fulfilled, as people in the community call it) and being in that state is how you end up manifesting. Some people don't even need to use a technique to get them into that state. They can subconsciously jump without having to try. But, everyone's mind works differently and some people can't get into or stay in that state without using a technique to help them get there. So, if you struggle to jump into or remain in that state of mind, find what technique helps you get there. Different ones resonate with different people. Remember: You are limitless. There's no "right" or "wrong" way to get to the wish fulfilled state. There's also no rules telling you what you can and can't do or else "you won't ever manifest."

It's a process and you have to wait - The action itself of manifesting is not a process. Getting to the state of wish fulfilled is a process if it's something you are struggling with. But once you are able to get into that state of mind, everything will come to you because you now know that you have it, and you continuously think, feel, and act that way. When you tell yourself you already have it, you don't have that worry of "it's going to take a lot of time" or "it's going to take [this long]." It'll happen naturally and quickly. So, don't think "I have to wait" and don't put pressure on yourself about timing. Once you get into the wish fulfilled state, it'll come together as quickly as possible. And if the 3D realm hasn't caught up to it just yet, be patient. It'll happen right before your eyes before you even know it.

You can't manifest multiple things at once - Wrong, yes you can manifest multiple things at once. It might take a lot of brain power or energy to think of multiple things at once (which is often why it's encouraged to focus on one manifestation at a time), but it is possible to. Doing techniques like writing a list of what you have and using multiple affirmations can help with that. Don't feel the need to limit yourself unless you don't feel okay focusing on multiple manifestations at a time.

You're just being delusional - Nope. You know what you have and you're putting it out there into the world. Growing up, other people will limit things you envision in your mind and things you want to be true. But, knowing what you desire and knowing that it's yours does mean it's yours.

How it happens has to make logical sense - No, it doesn't. A certain part of our brain will try to apply logic to how our manifestation will show up. You don't have to use logic or even think about how it's going to show up in the first place. The "how" never matters when it comes to manifestation. The only part you have to focus on is the state of already having the thing you want. There are an infinite number of ways something you manifest can show up. It's impossible to predict exactly how it's going to go. You can get an idea in your mind of "how it went," but it may happen differently, although there is the possibility it'll show up exactly how you want it to. You really don't know. But, all you have to know is that you have it and that it showed up for you in the best way possible.

Certain things are impossible to manifest - (CW: death, worldly issues). Well, this is an interesting one to explain because it feels very nuanced. This can be felt when it comes to manifesting someone back to life or solving a worldly issue (both touchy subjects, I know. I'm sorry. I'll explain.) These are things that affect many, many people and already physically happened. But, also, in another parallel reality, this hasn't happened or can be undone but we just aren't seeing it. Or particularly the person who passed can show up in a different way in our lives right now, whether it's through another person, a spirit, a physical item, etc. I'm sure people (other than just myself) have wondered about this subject and maybe it's been looked into. So please, feel free to add something to this topic or correct me if need be. I can admit that I'm still learning things. But, when thinking about smaller scale things than this, certain things we may think are impossible can in fact be possible. Like, this may sound silly, but what if unicorns are real? They could be existing on another planet far, far away for all we know. Scientists may have looked into horses developing magical horns and wings. It's impossible to know for sure. Or, what if our SP is thinking about us right now? It's not impossible. Sorry if this all sounds like a lot. It's just something I've pondered.

[windstir]

idk if i've said this here but i really like how gilbert is portrayed as a victim despite everything ... he's TRULY not a perfect person, he's the kind of person that makes you say "okay he does do shitty things he needs to sit down what's wrong with him" and makes things worse for everyone around him MULTIPLE times, he hurts the people who care about him in some way (carl and serge being my main examples, there was genuinely no reason to be doing allat but also does he really know any better???? he's stunted to hell and back in various areas and advanced in areas that he can't even PROCESS properly because of the constant enabling and trauma. he's off the rails, he's awful, his intentions a lot of the time are to HURT -carl- and to push people away in the worst ways possible because he's either scared or angry -serge-)

anyway, abuse victims in media are portrayed as characters who do No Wrong a lot. characters that are gentle, and whose trauma made them softer, who are kind despite it all, who want to be better than the person who hurt them and stuff. you know the deal.

and it's not bad! trauma presents itself in a miriad of ways and that's just how things are, the environment and beliefs are what end up making the change (an abused child without a support net outside of their abuser won't have the same development as an abused child who does have SOMETHING or SOMEONE to hold on to)

gilbert, clearly, is out for blood. his own and someone else's.

because, technically, that's how he was raised. and auguste managed to make an environment that enabled those harmful behaviors (because they were enabling his own!)

when angry, gilbert explodes, he breaks whatever is in his path, and his intentions are to hurt, to break, to cause damage to anyone. auguste taught him that, auguste exploded towards him a lot, gilbert says it himself, he says that auguste would beat him up when he was angry, and those would be the only times he felt loved (it's also shown that auguste would sometimes be kind after he beat him up, but i don't think he mentions this)

(from the backstory chapters):

bonnard: are you sure you can talk like that about him? he's your guardian

gilbert: i just wanted to get his attention. i have to take drastic measures ... or he won't even touch me.

bonnard: what do you mean?

gilbert: when i make him angry (see how he's blaming himself? he's a child here, he's 9!) he treats me with so much violence that i feel like my head is going to be ripped off (because auguste shakes him around violently)

bonnard: i didn't know he was sadistic!

gilbert: and even then ... i prefer that more than when he comes up to me ... but then walks away without trying anything.

sex and assault have also been used against him when angry, too.

so that sort of explains (BUT IT DOESN'T JUSTIFY) why he thought "oh i can do this to carl because i'm mad at him and because i know he wants me so bad anyway. then if it goes badly i can probably apologize to him and it'd be whatever." because that shit has been happening to him FOREVER. and he's been taught to think it was okay.

reading the scene again, you see he's taunting carl, saying that CARL is who wants this, and that this is his opportunity to do whatever he wants and satisfy that need to "possess" him

it's hard to explain a lot of things, but one thing that's clear is that he's using the language auguste and his abusers have used with him before ("you want this, so do it") and he thought carl might've followed along ... then he laughs when carl hits him, saying (direct quote): "hah ... i guess there's still space in you for god. that's great, cling onto him, protect him ... make sure i don't possess you ... make sure the devil (gilbert) doesn't possess you! make sure to tell that to serge, too. he's your best agent, your chosen one. but he needs to know that it's dangerous to get close to me! because I'M the devil that threatens to devour his pure heart! and if he gets close, he'll end up hurt."

a part of me wants to think he's projecting some of his own feelings towards his own abuse, because later on he does admit he feels trapped in his situation, he admits he just let people hurt him because he didn't know any better, stuff like that.

anyway, oof. he's portrayed as the biggest and main victim in kazeki despite it all, unlike auguste, who is very clearly the antagonist in everyone's lives despite him ALSO being an abuse victim (CSA and abuse in general from his adoptive brother)

i think it's nice that he's still seen as a victim despite that, because in the end all of this happens when gilbert is a child, a 13 year old, very poorly socialized and extremely mistreated and dehumanized throughout his life and stuff ......

it's really hard to explain how i feel about gilbert (despite me LOVING his character and feeling a sense of connection) without making it sound like i'm defending his actions because he's genuinely awful sometimes lol what am i even saying atp

[sanasanakun]

Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.

It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[deadbeandrop]

i always feel like there's such an underappreciated aspect of lumpus being the one to have feelings for slinkman (over the years) which is that there's something so Hilarious about him wanting to dump his head in a vat of acid because he's thinking stupid mushy shit, or Worse, about this Thing again

who also does not pick up on this at all and just thinks he's being weird again

[fridayyy-13th]

wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.

[atissi]

if you are 1) currently in a university where your student healthcare covers hormone therapy, and 2) in a good financial, emotional, and social position to start hormone therapy, i would recommend pursuing it. because in my experience, it's a huge pain in the ass to get an endocrinologist once you're on your own

[melit0n]

OooOoOooO Vessel you wanna play Jaws on November 29th so bad OoOoooOo

[ruvviks]

i love cyberware. it's so intimate

[altruistic-meme]

i want to get started on the Full Hands List but i am waiting on my apartment people for scheduled maintenance and i don't really want to start until they leave but i also have no idea what time they'll make it to my apartment so we're just playing the waiting game now

[ningtual]

made the decision that do wanna move into my own little apartment towards summer time but the market here in the city is very sparse and i don't have a ton of money so my plan is to tell everyone i know that i am looking for an apartment and hopefully this way i can maybe get something through like contacts yk

[inkskinned]

you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.