#I'll have to wear something else...
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bbc ghosts modern au!!
making up their outfits was really fun (especially kitty and thomas, he would look great in skirt)
#cap wpuld wear cardigans#he wouldnt want to wear it at first because he would feel ridiculous and old in that#and eventually he funds out its really comfortable and starts to like it#humphrey is a turtleneck guy#*ehm*#or like any sort of this tight sweater#kitty would put on the most bold color combination and patterns#and still make it look good#like i literally cant imagine pat in enything else that his normal outfit#and this p.e. teacher sort of fit#i'll do better next time#and julian is justin his normal clother but with trousers#with robin i just felt like it#and fanny is a bussiness woman#i see her having like ten sweaters of this type in her closet#mary would like summer dresses i think#thomas in skirt is a thought i cant get out of my head#and something like tank top#bbc ghosts#bbc ghosts headcanon#humphrey bone#bbc ghosts kitty#pat butcher#thomas thorne#fanny bbc ghosts#mary bbc ghosts#robin the caveman#the captain#julian fawcett#moi is arting
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TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? 👽
Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.
I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.
Area 51:
Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.
I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.
When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.
Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.
The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.
Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.
Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)
Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.
Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.
Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?
Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.
Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.
The Jet:
Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.
Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.
Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.
"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.
Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.
"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."
Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.
"Does that mean you don't like Al?"
"I never said that."
"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"
Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.
"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.
"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."
Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.
He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?
"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."
And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?
The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.
"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"
What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!
Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.
Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.
#I'd like to apologise for taking this idea and running with it.#Cutting myself off here before I breach 2k+ words or else I'll be here all day.#Sort of entered actual Writing Mode at the end there instead of Outline Mode but this idea is. So Full Of Potential I couldn't help myself.#But from here it'd basically be Alejandro using his newfound knowledge of Noah's crush on him to his advantage.#Whilst Noah's doing his best (and failing) to deny that he has any feelings for Alejandro.#Eventually leading to the two of them having a Bonding Moment where Alejandro gets Noah to divulge some personal information.#And in turn- or an effort to garner some trust (to be abused later)- Alejandro also lets himself be vulnerable towards Noah.#Something something Alejandro tries to use Noah as a pawn but ends up catching feelings of his own.#Then of course the potion wears off and Noah goes back to being just as prickly and standoffish as he was before.#A point of conflict maybe? Imagine bearing your soul out to someone only for them to close themself off to you not even days afterwards.#...Also imagine being practically forced to divulge information about yourself to someone you don't trust because of a truth potion.#Oh yeah. That's some good angst material right there.#Especially is you have Alejandro be- if not fully aware- than at least suspect that Noah's not being agreeable on his own terms.#Anon why have you given me The Thoughts?? I can't keep brainstorming AUs when I already have fics to work on!!#ophe's ranting in the tags again#total drama#td noah#td alejandro#team chris is really really really really hot#alenoah#-ish#silly ideas#other's ideas#long post#replies#kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)
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[[ Thus far the focus has been on Ninten in this WIP thing, but it made me think about the other Mother 1 kids and how by Mother 2 (which I have set up as being 10 years after Mother 1), they're basically adults (21 years old to be exact).
Ana has always been a favourite of mine so I decided to draw how she'd appear at this time wrt 90's fashion and hair (though idk how successful I actually am at it... it was fun anyways --a neat thing to do during a power outage!). ]]
#.peanutart#mother 1 ana#earthbound zero ana#earthbound beginnings ana#mother series ana#mother 1#earthbound zero#earthbound beginnings#mother 2#earthbound#and in case anyone was wondering her hair band thing is in fact Ninten's bandana haha#maybe it's 'predictable' but I always thought that they'd make a cute couple#so yeah they're dating at this point in time#Ninten is next because wrt the fic his clothes are ultra casual but he might wear something else more commonly#out and about idk I'll have to look through 90's men fashion to see
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somehow, I don't know how, but somehow sewing machines always know when you're nearly done with a project and pick that exact moment to throw a hissy fit
#sewing#sewing machines#I am so close to finishing this dumb swimsuit that I started in 2020 for a vacation that ended up not happening#and which I stuffed into a shoebox and into the back of my sewing stash when I realized I wouldn't get to wear it in 2020#then pulled it back out to finish for this family gathering coming up in a few days here#it's a one-piece suit and I hate one-piece swimsuits#and no one-piece has fit me off the rack since puberty so I'm stuck sewing it for myself#but I'm very happy with the design and relatively happy with the finished look#the idea is just to have something that is supportive and modest enough to wear around family#and in particular to wear to something like a waterpark with my nephews#something that won't ride up or fall down or come untied or anything like that#so it has a low-cut leg hole and a high-cut neck#and an entire invisible superstructure in the lining underneath to actually provide support and enclosure and all#it's plain black but it fits and supports and won't fly apart at the seams#but this very last step. oh this last step.#I had to drape the exterior bust area directly on me bc I can't account for curves and stretch and such if it's flat on the table#and then I had to wiggle out of it carefully with a ton of pins in the underarm and neckline area#I'm using a double-needle to top stitch the edges as a finish across the whole suit. it did one underarm and the neckline just fine!#but the turn from where the neckline meets the strap and down into the other underarm it just. won't do it.#it has thrown a fit and created a tangle of thread multiple times now. there are only 4" left to sew! just sew it!#it's not hard! we just did the exact same thing on the other side and it worked fine! but no! gotta throw a hissy fit!#ugh. anyway. I have removed all the thread and needles from the machine and turned it off and basically sent it to timeout lol#wrote this rant and gonna make myself some food and I'll fucking finish those last 4 inches later tonight or tomorrow#and then I have one tiny repair to something else I want to take on this trip. hopefully my sewing machine won't throw a fit over that too#istg the only projects this doesn't happen with are the ones that end with a bunch of handsewing#that's the way to trick my sewing machine I guess. but I'm not handsewing a swimsuit lol#at least I'm not so pressed for time that I can't just walk away from it for a bit. getting close to time to pack but not quite yet#my sewing#2024 mood#tagtalking
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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Been meaning to do another one of these for a second, but didn't have any cool outfit pics--until I remembered these blurry pics I had from 2021 that I could never do much with. Libbyframe is the inspo for these as usual,✨️
#Reposting cause I fixed a lineart mistake that was killing me FINALLY after HOURS#will post the previous tags here#rewritten cause I forgot to copy them yay ->#a mini rant which isn't really a rant but more like information#I have followed this girl called Johanna Öst on Instagram for years#highly recommend it btw#and she did something called the wardrobe project for years first on LiveJournal then on Insta#and it consisted on her taking pieces of clothing she didn't wear from her wardrobe#and trying to match them up and make them wearable#and I wanted to do something similar but I didn’t wanna post it on Instagram for several reasons#mainly cause I'd feel like intimidated by everyone else who posts fashion stuff#and because I'd like to do it in video form#also because I'd have to do it in Portuguese and I didn't want to#also because people from my past follow me there#anyway a whole thing#and then I thought abt tumblr but the dms I get over here whenever I post pics of me are disconcerting to say the least#so I didn’t do it BUT if I could turn it into a little fashion AND art project that'd be cool#and I'd credit both Johanna and Libby on every post cause that's where I got the ideas from#and I'd take outfit pics and draw them like this#would it be time consuming? Yes very#but it might be fun to try cause I have fun drawing these#either way I still am a hit iffy abt posting pictures of me on this webbed site#however no creepy dms from the other drawing so fingers crossed it might lead to something#but if not no biggie#it's also kind of cold so idk when I'll be able to start doing this cause changing clothes etc#but we'll see#anyway#my face#art#artists on tumblr
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wondering if there's a character who HASN'T done the Do in heels. ????
#absolutely this thought came up bc i saw shadow lineage yakumo bang eiden while holding him up against the rocks#i looked down and saw yakumo was wearing heels!? for the first time??#ah. no wonder he was extra tall this time#i was saying to myself... how? doesn't it hurt your legs? GEEZ yokai heel wearing abilities are something else#i find heels extraordinarily painful. idk if it's the untrained calf muscles or what#so i had to sit in admiration and awe for a bit. wow! look at him go!#then i wondered... have ALL of them accomplished this impossible (for me) feat?#Quincy would never ? probably??#is it because they're impractical? not great for traversing rough terrain?#idk i'll let the quincy experts weigh in#but i started listing off the characters who HAVE done the do flawlessly in those painful shoes#edmond naturally. kuya of course. maid blade.#i haven't unlocked enough rooms to know#does garu wear heels? would he hate them? would he wear them and be completely unbothered bc his calves are the most powerful of all time?#DOES EIDEN EVER WEAR HEELS?#eiden in stilettos when???#i am torn between eiden beautifully strutting around with the confidence of a drag queen#and eiden tripping after a single step on slightly elevated heels#he can do both. depending on his mood#and depending on who's nearby to conveniently catch him if he were to fall oh so dramatically
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going on what will probably be an extended adventure tomorrow to try to find a dress to wear to a friend's wedding, pray for me 🫠
#personal#i'm too tired for this lol#her wedding is black tie preferred???#i don't have anything fancy enough for black tie preferred!!!!#but i don't want to spend a fortune on something i'll wear like once!!!#bc when else am i gonna wear a fancy gown or whatever!!!#gonna hope i can find something in a consignment shop for cheap-ish 🫠#and also gonna hope i can go the fancy-cocktail-dress route instead of a floor-length gown thing#anyway i repeat i am too tired for this#but i am also already running low on times i can go look for something#and looking online is Not Going Well#so 🫠 here we go
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when I tell you that I NEED a three piece suit
#how else am I gonna show up at a wedding or something#surely not in a dress#or worse in a SKIRT#I'm not even remotely male presenting I just that male formal wear is on another plane of existence#unless it's boring of course. like get black two pieces with a red tie AWAY from me#but even then I'd really rather wear that than a skirt#which is very unfortunate because it's hard to find stuff that isn't boring AND fits me at the same time#someday I'll learn how to sew and it will be the end#like picture a forest green suit with golden buttons#or a burgundy suit with golden embroidery#yes I love gold#I also think that we should bring back older menswear#like cravats. god#anyway rambling is over but I have to go to an event I don't wanna be at and my options are limited#especially because my grandma wants me to wear a dress. send help#whatever im probably gonna go for the priest dress as usual
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saunter!
#em draws stuff#oc time again hehe#moth and compass#the cannon spike: matthew worley#nice new outfit for the boy! he was a tailor before he wound up pressed so he's still rather fashion-conscious#this would be the first set of clothes that haven't had to survive him having the stuffing kicked out of him while wearing them for a while#but just in case of that happening again (It Will Happen Again) he's got his hands on something equal parts practical and pretty#in this weird mood lately where I only want to draw funny little guys. which is not actually a bad thing but boy is it overwhelming#I'll be trying to do something else and my whole body just screams FUNNY LITTLE GUY RIGHT NOW FUNNY LITTLE GUY#so here is today's funny little guy. mafew :]
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oh its all so painfully real
#vent#transphobia#fuck.#i can barely compose my thoughts. im so upset and pissed off at my family#my grandmother screams my deadname on top of her lungs to call for me when i need to do something for her#and idk tonight i just got set off by it and started crying#eventually i composed myself only to be met with 'thats your name. its what i gave you' by my dad and...#idk i feel like i'll never be fucking accepted for who i am at all#it feels like i'm wearing a heavy mask that just wants to snap my neck if i move wrong#like i'm in the wrong for wanting to change my name due to it not reflecting me anymore#like everyone sees me as a basket case just waiting to be 'fixed' or whatever#its so... ..... i can't stop crying#my grandmother also said she cant change her ways and its making me want to bash my head into a wall until my brain turns into paste#IMAGINE IF I CALLED YOU DENNIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? WOULD YOU FUCKING LIKE THAT???#i'm so stressed and upset i don't want to do this anymore#im probably just going to listen to music to de-stress. don't have energy to do anything else
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eddie kaspbrak 🤝 ed teach
having very rigid and disparate ideals of different roles they can fill which have no crossover with each other rather than a solid self image of themselves as a dynamic three dimensional person
#jack facts#just thinking about this from the breakfast in bed thing#like ed and stede have sex and are solidly in Relationship territory#and so he puts all this pressure on himself to be soft and romantic and perform that role#wearing the robe making the breakfast definitely not ever being blackbeard at all ever again etc#and then that's uncomfortable so he's like oh no can't do that! gotta do something else! gotta leave gotta go! i'll be A Fisherman now#and on and on forever and he was doing this all season 1 too and like alhwoigksk#i'm going crazy#ofmd#ed teach#it#eddie kaspbrak#hc
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holy mother of god I have got to start dressing weirder
#[clutching my face] I need to figure out HOW!! I have no FASHION SENSE#I think a big part of my problem is figuring out bottoms#sometimes I'll buy a cool thrift store top and discover it doesn't really go with jeans and then I'm like '... now what' agdkfjsks#I also wear like... cargo shorts and cargo joggers but those aren't Fashion Choices (especially the shorts)#I need... colored jeans. or harem pants (or whatever else they're called that's not That :I) or. idk SOMETHING#honestly I feel like... those dickies cargo joggers but in fun colors instead of Olive Drab could be fun?? I really love those pants lol#I DON'T KNOW I spend all day in pajamas cause they're comfy and then when I actually wanna look nice I have no idea what to wear#I love sundresses because they are the idiot's shortcut to looking cute (just put on ONE THING and that's a cute outfit babey!)#but my heart wants pirate shirts and funky vests#and maybe blousy tops with weird pants I dunno#if I knew how to make pants. ... I still wouldn't because I never get around to sewing agdjfldvs but AT LEAST IT WOULD FEEL LIKE AN OPTION#why can't life be like animal crossing where you can try on fifty different outfit combos in five minutes to figure out what you like :')#about me
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I don't know how I do that but I'm friends with so many trans people
#and for what!!!!#because buddy if i were trans let me tell you i would know by now#i've had years multiple trans friends of all flavours and 24/7 access to tumblr#i'd know#but here i am cis+ with just. an astonishing amount of trans friends for a cis girl#i don't know i guess it's cause i'm queer and weird??#i'm not kidding btw there's like. what. 12 people on my list of friends right now?#okay wait let's push it to 15 just to account for the people i must have forgotten#i have about 15 friends#and like half of that have something up with their gender#it's official. i'm a magnet for people who had a shit school experience and also trans people i guess#and the neurodivergent/disabled crowd also. but i'm neurodivergent and i had a shit experience in school so.#it's both a very nice environment (cool queer people) but sometimes it's a bit hard to talk about gender#because i have trans friends who take me saying i want to wear waistcoats as me being trans. which. nope#like i am so not a guy. i wouldn't panic too much if i suddenly woke up with a typically male body sure#but like. i'm not a guy. i don't know what's going on here 100% but it's not that i'm a guy#i just want to wear waistcoats i'd love shapeshifting powers and one day i'll try binding#this is me being a curious fucker with a sense of style#if someone else implies there is an egg in me i should crack i'm going to snap#sorry apart from that it's fun having trans friends. cool people#i say that now cause we're 5 housemates total and like 2 of those are trans people#and a third has something going on somewhere near his gender i think. i think? probably.#and they're friends with more people who are doing a gender#so many trans people in my social circle....#that and my two high school closest friends are also having fun with it#i'm the only one. i'm the only cis person of some of my friend groups!#wow i have a ramble tag now
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the problem with listing those things is that now i have to wait for someone to find them and want them and buy them which may not even ever happen but now that they're online i want to pack them up and send them away this INSTANT!!!!
#i opened a poshmark 2020 when i had nothing else to do and put a lot of time into taking pics and some of that did sell#but a lot of it didn't. and i had to put my shop on vacation because after i moved it all ended up in the basement lol#one day i'll have to go through all those clothes and do something with those too#chatpost#i have so many clothes i don't wear... i GOTTA do something about all this stuff. who's bringing me to buffalo exchange
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having a gender moment but i think i also have worse things going on
#sinth#nothings real enough. isnt that so fucking stupid what a phase to go thru. but id like some catharsis! in a way i'll never get bc i know im#just going to drag myself around decaying until i die (naturally) or until i hit a rock bottom of sme sort where i have the chance to chang#something about me. idk like. the heart of it is i wish i was either born a 'normal' cis masculine guy (which will never happen) or i that#i'm enough of a gender fuck to be outwardly noticeably queer in feminine clothing (which i cant have unless i fucking do something because#no matter what i like to think i look like a girl to everyone else. all the time)#maybe i'll get some bandages and shave my head and put on a jacket and baggy jeans and talk real low and pretend im not just playing dress#up. maybe i'll go on t and shave my legs and wear a pretty dress and stand with my legs too wide and claw at my chest#idk. thats not really the point
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