#I'll be sure to hydrate myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hitomisuzuya · 7 months ago

Note

I know you haven't been feeling well for a while and it's worrying (not in a bothering way so dw, keep us updating and don't hesitate to vent about it <3 ) so please take care of yourself, have self care days when you only do things you like and eat your comfort meals. Stay hydrated and I hope you have wonderful days/noons/nights

Is it okay if I ask for a Scara x reader fic where reader teased him a lot the previous night by edging him, taunting him etc so now he's planing to get revenge on her by overstimulating her-

You can write it in any way you want and use any kinks you'd like, I don't mind as long as it's this context and you enjoy writing it <3

So yeah you can ignore this if you'd like I won't mind at all

Scaramouche x fem!reader. Smut. Sex toys. Daddy kink. Bondage. Degradation. Overstimulation. Orgasm denial.

Omg thank you so much for your sweet words. They are so sweet. I'll try and take care of myself 🥺❤️ I wish the same things for you.

Scaramouche couldn't keep the shit eating smirk off of his face, his cock straining and hard as he watched you fall apart. You'd been so cruel to him last night (in his incredibly humble opinion), laying with your head in his lap, and looking up at him with the sweetest, most worshipping expression. While you proceeded to edge him.

Your fingers stroking and gliding on his cock, massaging and rubbing your thumb over the head. Your teasing pace never flattered, alternating between stroking and jacking him off, sometimes taking the head into your to suck on. Moans had spilled out of him, his legs shaking as he rutted into your hand and mouth.

But you never let him get anything past the tip inside your mouth, giggling when he threw his head back, swallowing soft whimpers behind curses as his cock pulsed. You'd playfully batted his hand away when he tried to push your mouth down onto his cock. "Aww, what's wrong, Scara? You can't handle stimulation? You can dish it out, but you sure can't take it," You taunted.

It was infuriating how he seemed to get harder from your taunt. And to top it all off, you didn't let him cum.

For that, you were going to be put in your place.

"Now look you," Scaramouche taunted, wagging the vibrating wand turned on the lowest setting on your clit. His teasing pace was almost maddening, the subtle vibrations slowly stimulating your swollen clit. You whined, straining at the ribbons tying your wrists together and to the headboard of his bed as you grinded against the wand. "The shoe is the on the other foot, slut. It looks like you are the one who can't take it now," The desperation welling in your eyes as you squirmed, rubbing your pussy needily on the toy was so satisfying to him.

"Please, turn up the setting," You whimpered, your walls starting to clench sensitive around nothing, "I'll be a good girl, I promise," You pleaded, your fingernails digging into the palms of your hands.

Your pleading sounded way too sweet for him not to give you want you wanted. A loud moan tore from your throat as he turned the setting up. Pleasure jolted through your body, happy to grind more firmly on the toy.

Don't think Scaramouche was giving you what you wanted because he felt merciful. Oh no. He watched for the signs that you were going to cum, your moans rising higher in pitch with every grind on the wand as you chased your high now that vibrations were more consistent on your clit.

He'd been building up oh so carefully for this exact moment. "You want to cum for Daddy, don't you?" He purred condescendingly, reaching down to palm his cock as he wanted you writhe.

"Mhm," You moaned, your hips bucking into the toy, "I really, really want to for you, Daddy," Your release was right there, finally. You knew all it would take was few more grinds.

Scaramouche mocked your moans, leaning down to put his over next to your ear. "Is that so?" Your eyes, which has rolled closed as he wagged the wand faster on your clit, snapped open when you heard his tone. "Well that's too bad."

He immediately shut the wand off, and took it off your clit. Your cry of aroused despair, trying to grind against nothing nearly made him cum. He licked the shell of your ear, sending shivers up your spine. "Let that serve as a reminder of your place," His words made your clit throb harder.

Moving down your body, Scaramouche circled the tip of his tongue around your sensitive nipple. He was mimicking his pace of the wand with his tongue, swirling and teasing the tip around it until it hardened.

Tied up you were helpless and his mercy. His mouth agonizingly worked over your nipple, groaning into your breast as he scooped your nipple into his mouth to suck on. You moved your chest up into his mouth, bliss making you melt as he skillfully built your orgasm up again little by little.

Scaramouche chuckled darkly as you tried to close your legs, needily squeezing and rubbing your thighs together for friction on now neglected clit. Reaching down, he batted your legs apart, giving your clit a light smack that made you see stars.

You cried out, your walls clutching around nothing. He pressed his thumb in circles on your clit. He swirled his tongue around your nipple. He had to hold back a laugh hearing you babble out pathetic thank yous to him for suddenly being merciful as you grinded against his thumb.

You let down your defenses now thinking he was finally going to let you cum. How wrong you were.

You whined as Scaramouche took his thumb off your clit, replacing it with the wand turned up another setting. That made your body twitch more, the sudden stronger stimulation sending you reeling, only making your orgasm curl tighter. The closer you got, the more the arousing pain of overstimulation was setting in.

"Please, can I cum now, Daddy?" The question spilled shamelessly from your mouth. Your climax was closing in so fast that you didn't know if you could control it. It was agonizing when he ignored you, completely absorbed in playing with you.

He teased his fingers at the entrance of your drooling hole, only pumping them inside. Your mind nearly shattered when he denied you again. "W-Why?!" You stumbled over your words, tears welling in your eyes.

"Relax, whore," He cooed, his hand groping around for a vibrator while he drank in the sight of your puffy, messy, and overstimulated pussy. "There are so many more ways I can deny you," He turned the vibrator on the lowest setting, slowly inserting it inside of you, suddenly turning the setting up when it was half way inside of you. "We are going to be here awhile. Think about this next time you try and deny me, understood?"

Scaramouche knew you would tell him when you were about to cum like the good girl are for him. He would relentlessly feed off of that loyalty to him. He left the vibrator inside of you and moved up to your head. "Suck my cock properly while you learn this lesson," He growled, pointing to his mouth before pushing his cock against your lips.

#genshin impact #genshin smut #fem!reader #genshin imagines #scaramouche #scaramouche smut #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche x you

387 notes · View notes

yawujin · 8 months ago

Note

Hello

So I don't know if you're opposed to writing for the v2 boys but if you aren't

Could you please write v2 boys x s/o who is very hard working so when they get focused they forget to eat or drink water a lot &(if you're comfy trans male reader) they forget to take their binder off and rest.

Thxxxxxxxx

ofc i'll write the sdr2 boys i love them

request | sdr2 boys x an S/O who is hard working

type | react , light hearted , non killing game , established relationship , trans male reader

hajime hinata ♡

respects you for working so hard

always reminding you to take a break

hajime's a good listener so you can go to him to talk about work troubles you have

he secretly daydreams of another life where you two can just relax 24/7 so you do not have to worry so much about work

admires and appreciates all that you do

gets really excited when you finally finish your work for the day

kazuichi souda ♡

he gets it

relates to you bc he has had to stay up late working and fixing things

he learned the hard way that he must always keep water or something to hydrate himself while working

he's lowkey the type to ask "have you eaten yet?"

he cares sm about you

even though sometimes he also forgets to pack some lunch for himself for work lol

you two look out for each other always <3

fuyuhiko kuzuryu ♡

you already know he's the type to text you constantly throughout the day

"you're going to eat right?" "there has to be something in the vending machines there you can buy."

angry texts when you say all you had so far was some crappy instant coffee

even angrier texts when you tell him you're working after hours

always insistant on you taking a break (even if you just started working on something)

"i love you so much and if somehow someday you collapse while working i'll never forgive myself"

gundham tanaka ♡

orders you to stop working and take a break

no seriously, he orders you to take some time off

"the supreme overlord of ice commands you to STOP!"

he demands you come to bed and keep him warm

but first he reminds you to take off your armor (referring to your binder)

you still had it on oops

you just laugh a little bit and change

finally, you both can get some rest after a long day

nekomaru nidai ♡

he reminds you not to push yourself too hard

"it's kind of like training, you must know your limits!"

is willing to make a list for with designated times for breaks in your schedule

gets hyped up when you have a day off so you two can finally have a date/datenight

has a whole lot of respect for you and your ability to push through especially hard days

"just keep it in the back of your mind that i'll always be here if you need me for something, got it?"

ultimate imposter ♡

brings food to you

gently urges you to take a break

hugs from behind while you work

prefers it when you work from home

picks you up from work whenever he can

teruteru hanamura ♡

when you come home, the first thing he does is feed you

he makes all your favorite dishes ofc

he can always tell if you neglected yourself during work hours

"can't fool me, as your boyfriend i know what you need!"

keeps track of your days off incase you try to get a head start in working on something new

"nope sorry! can't have that today. you and i are due for a date at the diner"

sends you positive and encouraging and rather suggestive messages while you are at work

nagito komaeda ♡

very persuasive when he's trying to get you to rest after a long work day

you finally choose rest and nagito over more paperwork you need to sort out

"tomorrow's always there" he reassures you

"oh and, make sure to take that off" he says, looking at your binder

you almost finished changing without doing so

nagito gives you some affirmations while you drift off to sleep

"you work too hard..." he sighs sadly. "goodnight~"

⋆ ˚｡⋆ my ao3

350 notes · View notes

guppybibi · 4 months ago

Text

Late WIP Wednesday ..

(aaa km not sure if i should finish this, it started off strong but just fell off and now my brain isnt working)

Simon’s home & marriage was his refuge, until it wasn't. He knew something wasn't right when you were coincidentally prepared for his return, all dolled up when you greeted him with an “I miss you” kiss. No, he was sure it wasn't you when he saw that the dinner table was prepared with a generous spread of food on it.

There was no reason for you to come this prepared, everytime he comes home from deployment is a surprise. So..how exactly are you this ready? It didn't sit right with him, the whole thing felt like it came out of a painfully obvious scripted reality TV show.

But food was food and after countless weeks spent eating barely edible MRE’s, a home cooked meal was all he needed. Sluggishly, he sat down at his unsaid designated spot at the dinner table. He closely watched if you would sit down at your designated spot, if you didn't; that’d explained a lot. You do end up sitting at your spot, it wasn't all that hard to do though. Dinner with you was unsettling to say the least, all of the small talk you were making felt forced, it’s barely been an hour and he already feels like he's going crazy.

He knows more than to question you upfront though, having gone through enough interrogations to know that he should take his time and that you could get hostile if things don't go your way. You could be a threat for all he knew, and it's better to be safe than sorry. Unsure if it was the right decision, he starts out some sort of small talk himself, asking you some seemingly innocent questions.

“What were yer up to while I was gone, luv?” He asks mid chew. “Oh not much, I just picked up a new hobby actually. Clay sculpting! I've been watching online tutorials, I could say I’ve been getting the hang of it if I do say so myself.” Liar, was all he could think while he subconsciously nodded to your words. You hated clay, not fond of the texture it had and the way it’d get stuck under your nails. Perhaps it was another one of your impulsive decisions, jumping into conclusions should be the last thing he should be doing. It could cost him more harm than good, so he lets it slide. For now at least.

“Sculpting eh? That's new, have ye finished any?” He pauses, swallowing his food. “I’d love to see them.” A spark lights up in your eyes, but it didn't look right. There's a lit candle in there but it's far, far away. The lack of life in your eyes makes his stomach spin like there's a guinea pig rolling around in their wheel in there, it made him want to puke. He wasn't the biggest fan of prolonged eye contact anyway, so he’ll just avoid looking you in the eye to prevent making a mess. “Oh yeah I actually do! They're already displayed on top of our shelves, I’ll show them to you after.” You exclaim, if that was you anyway, which it wasn't.

Dinner passed at an uncomfortably slow pace, Simon swore he could hear each individual tick and tock of the clock, the scraping of utensils against the porcelain plates and each chew you took. He’s gone through debatably louder things than this, the booms of the explosions were unforgettable after all but this somehow takes the cake. Wanting to distract himself further, he helps with washing the dishes which you normally did but you specifically chose today to help do the other minor chores. Water, that was your weak point. He noticed it, you didn't drink water after dinner either. What kind of monster doesn't drink water to hydrate after eating roasted pork?

To test out this thought of his, he decided to ask another question. “I'm heading to the shower, luv. Care to join me?” Meekly, he suggests to you, deep brown eyes staring intently as he awaited the already expected answer. “Oh I..actually already showered earlier dear. Maybe next time.” A dishearteningly dismissive reply, just like he expected. “Alright, suit yourself luv. I'll be back.”

He thought about it, almost forgetting about the bubbly soap running down his body from how deep in thought he was. There was no doubt about it anymore, everything about you being you, pointed away. At this point, he didn't care what the fake you was anymore, rather where you actually were. You could've been dead for all he knew, replaced by the soulless woman that now roams around his home.

This was beyond cruel, beyond the pain physical torture could've caused. It was like the universe was a cat and he was a yarn ball, being played by it meticulously. The whole thing was definitely planned out by a certain someone he knew, the both of you are fairly private so it couldn't have been a random person. He couldn't handle this alone, as much as he’d hate to admit, the situation was way bigger than him to do alone. So, he decides to call a trusted someone.

“You tellin’ me ye think your wife got abducted or something..and a doppelgänger replaced her?” A gruff voice questions, lightly tapping his cigar against the side of the ashtray. Price, him and Kate are the only members of the Task Force so far that Simon allowed you to meet. Well, it unfortunately looks like the sergeants won't get to meet you under these circumstances just yet. Strangely enough, the clocks inside the pub weren't working. Must be a malfunction. The masked man nodded, sighing through his nose when he got a whiff of the alcohol-filled air in the bar.

“I feel so.” He grumbled. “Couldn't she be just having an off day? We all have those, Simon.” John opposes it, it was an unquestionable possibility they couldn't simply ignore. “No, I know my wife. In my years of being with her, she's never acted this way.” Ghost hissed back, a hint of crystal clear impatience seeping out from his words. The lack of respect in his tone wasn't intended, but what could he do when his wife is apparently kidnapped and replaced so seamlessly? “I guess you have a point, but you need to confirm it Simon. You shouldn't make any decision on impulse, if the woman in your home really isn't your wife then this is a bigger issue.”

Then the plan was set, still a little all over the place but there really wasn't any time to lose. Simon would further observe the woman who's allegedly ‘you’ to make sure he isn't making things up, then if he was incredibly sure it wasn't you, he’ll head to the police and file a report for a missing person. In all honesty, it wasn't hard to do, having gone through missions more intense than this. Yet the fact that you were involved made the bugs inside of him crawl, this was totally his fault.

He didn't hide you away from the world enough, he should've just kept you locked inside a cage like the little birdie you were to avoid any danger coming your way. Simon wasn't stupid though, that was inhumane, you were one of the only few people who has managed to make Simon feel less of a ghost and more of a human. So doing such a thing to you was unethical and out of the books, but how could you blame him for subconsciously letting his possessiveness and worry take over when you're literally so far from his grasp? Being so near before that he could easily grip at the back of your top, now so far that the trace of your scent is long gone.

It makes Simon feel sick, his core being left to rot. He comes from the pub to what felt like an empty house, not home because nothing would feel like home without you there. He’d rather be living in a pile of rocks and plywood with you than in a giant mansion without you, that would be the real hell. “Bloody hell..where are you?” He murmurs under his breath, stressedly rubbing his creased forehead. If he could, he’d pry at every surface that comes up within his sight just to find you.

“I’m back.” He whispers, unsure if the fake you was asleep or not. Anyone, human or not wouldn't be happy being woken up from their slumber. “Welcome home, hun. You alright?” Looking up from your cup of tea, you ask. “Yeah, just spoke with the Captain. That's all, no alcohol.” Simon was so used to you being a worrywart about his alcohol intake, telling you that he didn't have any alcohol is practically ingrained into the wrinkles of his brain. But the woman in front of him didn't seem to care less about his health, let alone him in general. The lack of nagging that usually filled his ears to the brim didn't feel right, he would've much rather gone through another one of your yap sessions about how constant alcohol intake affects him in the long run than..just silence.

He feels the desperation inching up on him, eating him whole. At this point, he's willing to admit he doesn't want you. He needs you. He needs to hear your fretful complaints about him getting deployed, knowing you’d shut up because you were used to it by now. He needs you to tell him to include more vegetables in his diet because he's not some kind of carnivore to be eating that much meat. God, he just needs you with him. Whatever bloody thing came with you he’d take like it was on a stupid Black Friday sale.

“Not yet..” He’d think every single night, eyes wide open as he prevents himself from making a rash decision. The woman sleeping soundly right next to him, if that was you..But it wasn't, even if he stared at the unfamiliar woman for ten hours straight, she wouldn't just magically turn into you. Well sure, she was a carbon copy of you from head to toe but she simply just didn't scream ‘you’. Whatever and whoever you were anyway.

“When all is said and done, I think it'll end well Simon. My gut feeling tells me so, it's rarely ever wrong so I’m pretty sure we should trust it.” You ramble on and on, the little amount of alcohol taking over your lightweight self. Simon was still courting you here, yet he remembers it like it's been replayed in his mind like a broken record. He trusted your gut, and he could consider that as one of the best choices he's ever made in life.

But..trusting you now? While you're probably out, all shivering & teeth clattering from the immense cold night? Impossible, he’s fully aware that you're a capable strong woman however..how far can his trust go? How far do you have to venture into someone’s soul to gain their fragile trust, something that can be easily broken with your own bare hands? Ghost doesn't trust you, but Simon does.

“You're a strong gal, you can hold on for much longer.” He supposes, deep in thought while he flipped around in bed. The fake you hasn't set off any red flags yet, acting normal. Too normal. He knew ‘you’ had a purpose for being here, one with malicious intent, though what exactly? One wouldn't simply come in here and replace his wife with a fake one just out of spite, unless they were a little cuckoo. Tossing aside to check the time, he presses the ‘on’ button on his phone. Weird, the time didn't show up. Maybe it's just a glitch in the system.

“Simon, Hey? Simon, wake up. Hurry, you need to get up.” A voice shakes, lightly nudging him in order to awake him. It's your voice, he can instantly sense its meekness. With one eye and another, they flutter open, still full of sleep in them. “Oh thank goodness, you're awake! But you seriously need to wake up, like right now.” You crooned, hoping he’d fully wake up to the sound of your voice. Groaning, Simon sat up, a few joints popping in the process. “What..? Yeah, I’m awake luv. Whad’ya need me for?” He questions groggily, eyes opening further once he gets a closer look at you. It's actually you, he can tell! The way your eyes meet his, connecting like a bee landing on a precious flower. The way your voice lilted to him like a mother bird nursing her hatchlings, it really was you.

“Wait–luv? You're here? Bloody hell, you actually are–Did you see the other gal who looked just like you? Tell me I’m not losing my shit please.” Then you shushed him, convinced he’ll continuously go on and on if you didn't. “Please listen to me closely, Simon.” You pause, noticing how his eyes bask in yours like it was long overdue. “You need to wake up, hurry.”

210 notes · View notes

laneywrld · 7 months ago

Text

call out my name | Lewis Hamilton

request: heyy, can we get a story with call out my name by the weeknd as the base line of the story .

word count: 3.6k

warnings: none

When you first met Lewis, you had a feeling it'd end like this.

If you could go back and change that night, you would, with no hesitation. You missed the days when Lewis was a nonfactor in your life when you didn't know he existed.

You remember that night all too well. Miami was always alive when the Grand Prix came around, your friends, like the partygoers they were enjoyed taking the opportunity to take on the vibrant nightlife and enjoy the crowds the race brought in.

It was an annual tradition, you could say, to party like tomorrow didn't exist when the lights shut down and engines roared to life.

When you first moved to Miami, you hadn't understood the essence of the sport or the crowds it brought in, until you met an overly enthusiastic Daniel Ricciardo.

You had no clue who he was when he quite literally stumbled into your path; his boyish smile and golden retriever energy made it almost impossible to be mad at him as his drink soaked your dress.

"I'm so sorry!" He calls out, stumbling over himself.

"You're not from here?" You called out as you reached down to help him stand up straight. His thick accent was a dead giveaway.

"No, I'm Australian."

"Long way from home," you shouted over the music, dragging his frame into an open seat further away from the dance floor.

"I'm working." He slurs, smiling up at you.

"Mhmm, doesn't look like you're working," you trail off, "what's your name?"

"Danny. After work fun."

"Ahh," you hum, "okay, understandable. I'm going to get you some water, okay? Did you come here with friends?"

"No. Was actually planning on making some friends." He laughs, and it makes you chortle as well.

"Miami is not the place to make friends Danny." You informed. "Stay here, I'm going to grab that water."

You saunter away, keeping an eye on the lean man as you approach the bar. You order a water, paying for the overpriced bottle with your Apple wallet, and quickly return to the drunken man. You don't know why you helped him; it was just in your nature to assist anyone you could.

Danny smiles up at you with an appreciative smile as you uncap the bottle for him, "Can you hold it, or do I have to give it to you?" You inquire.

"Give it to me, please."

You both break out into childish snickers at his words. "Easy there, buddy," you warn, tilting his chin up and directing the bottle to his mouth.

You pull it away, tightening the cap and placing it in front of him on the table. You then slide into the booth beside, "I'd feel better with myself if I stay with you for a while, just to make sure you're okay."

He nods, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows, "Yeah, I get it; I'm so shitfaced right now."

It is quiet between the two of you for a while, you constantly reaching over to make sure he's hydrated and him smiling at you all dopey-like.

"You from here?" He asks as he starts to regain his sober mind.

You shake your head, "No, just moved here though."

"You can be my Miami friend." Danny grins.

"I'll probably never see you again after tonight, Mr Australia." You joke, nudging his shoulder with your own.

"I come here every year around this time." He announces. "Work."

"Work," you nod. "Right."

"Yes or no?" He prods.

"Have to see if you can hang; it doesn’t look like you can." You joke.

He scoffs, leaning away and eyeing you. "Please, I am a good time, the best time."

"Sir, I've just met you, and I'm taking care of your drunk ass." You cackle.

"How about this, stick with me for the rest of the night, and if we have a blast, every time I'm in Miami, you ride with me."

"You're going to get white girl wasted every time?" You inquire with a raised brow, and he laughs hard.

"Probably."

It was safe to say that Daniel was a blast. Even if he did party like a fratboy, you enjoyed his company. He gave you the energy of a teenage coming-of-age movie, doing whatever and saying whatever with his friends. It was a connection you hadn't experienced before.

And you enjoyed it, you liked spending time with your Australian friend. Which is how you ended up meeting Sir Lewis Hamilton six years later.

Lewis didn't know why he allowed his enthusiastic coworker to convince him to spend a night in Miami with him. The only solace he found in the situation was knowing that he wasn't the only driver there. Everyone was there, in a section booked by no one other than Daniel Ric himself.

It was nice for sure, and Lewis was curious as to how Daniel, of all people, knew so much about the lively city of Miami and their restless nightlife.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Lewis, just felt out of place a little bit, without his usual crew.

"Hey Guys, I'll be back in a second, I'm going to grab my friend."

Lewis rolls his eyes taking another sip from his glass.

He doesn't know who he was expecting, a Ken doll, a high-energy frat boy like Daniel, or even a valley girl with a high-pitched voice. This was Miami, so logically his smartest anticipation would be a surgery-riddled Kim Kardashian lookalike. But not you, Lewis would never expected you to enter the section, arm wrapped around Daniel's waist as you cackle at whatever nonsense leaves his mouth.

He is instantly intrigued, his phone being powered off and stuffed into his hoodie pocket.

You were beautiful with your rich complexion and beaming grin as he walked you down the line introducing you one by one.

His eyes never leave you as he watches you interact with everyone. You cloud his vision as you get closer. His eyes trace your hair and flow down to your brows and your alluring eyes. His view travels down your nose and lingers on your spread lips. And he physically lets out a sigh as he traces over your body.

You would drive him mad. He knows it.

As you take the time to introduce yourself to Danny's coworkers, you aren't surprised to see, well, to make it short, people who are not of your crowd.

But to your surprise, they're all friendly and welcoming. You're not surprised to see that you have met some of them before on your trips with Daniel or when you fly out to see him.

When you reach the end of the line you see him and your confidence falters as your eyes meet his. You should've known by the way his eyes were drinking you in that he'd be a problem.

With conviction, you approach him, bearing a sly smirk on your face.

"I'm y/n." You declared, and Lewis returned the same decency.

"I'm Lewis."

Your hands meet in the middle and he has a soft grip on you, refusing to let go.

"What's a girl like you doing with Daniel."

"He's my friend." You reply.

"Just a friend?"

"Just a friend." You confirm, and the way he looked at you through his fluffy lashes was evidence enough of what was to come between the two of you.

Lewis wasn't all that the media portrayed him to be. He wasn't overly confident or carefree. He actually worried a lot and was stressed a lot.

You knew that he felt like he had something to prove. You met him at his peak, and even now, when he feels like he's at the worst in his career, you're still here.

"So you're going to leave?" You hum, rubbing your fingers through his parts.

"Do you think I should?"

He looks so stressed out that is it has your heart is aching for him.

He's slumped like a kid in your lap with his face set in a frown. "I think that if you're unhappy and there are ways that you feel can change that, that you should look for something new, yes."

"Did you mean what you said last time?"

You think back to the last time you were in his presence, how he had gotten drunk for the first time in years. You wince internally as you recall how you had to nurse him back to health that night, how he cried like a baby when he mentioned how alone he felt at Mercedes. Lewis Hamilton wasn't used to being an afterthought.

"Yes, I don't think they appreciate you, Lewis. I don't think they are valuing your feedback or honoring your talent. I think they are making you miserable." You confess. "There are so many other teams that would love to have you, who would fight for you to reclaim your eighth. I don't think you should keep going through this with that team. Look at how they have you."

"Is your favorite team still Ferrari?" He opens his eyes and stares up at you.

"Duh,"

When you first met Daniel, you had only heard of the sport, but as time went on, he fully immersed you into the world of Formula One. You quickly took a liking to the red team and its intricate history in the sport. When you met Lewis in 2018, he was shocked that you knew so much about them (and barely anything about him).

"Don't tell me you're considering Ferrari, Sir Hamilton." You grin and he only smirks up at you.

"We'll see."

After the eventful first night you had spent with Lewis nearly six years ago, Miami has become a frequent destination of his. And New York of yours. The two of you guys had a chemistry unlike any other, every night filled with breathless pants and chants of each other's names. It was electric and erotic all at the same time.

You were fully aware that you and Lewis weren't necessarily together.

You were fun for him and him for you.

It was a mutual agreement, a bond strictly built from the amazing sex that the two of you had together.

You were aware that when the time came for Lewis to settle down and spend the rest of his life together it probably wouldn't be with you. You had believed you'd come to terms with the fact. But the idea of you two being together in the future still lingered in the back of your mind.

But as you scroll through Twitter, images and small clips of Lewis walking hand in hand with a Brazilian model have your heart tightening.

It wasn't like Lewis hadn't given you that false hope of a relationship, because you'd like to think that all of those little small things were him giving in. Surrendering that stupid ideology of his that made him believe he was a permanent bachelor.

You'd been by his side and in his bed over and over again for the last six years. And you’d be doing the same again tonight.

You almost feel grimy, sitting and waiting for him in his hotel room as he takes another woman out on a date, but a part of you knows that you’d accept anything from Lewis. You had standards and you had morals, but for a man like him, you always seem to throw them all out of the window.

Your phone vibrates and pings as your social media erupts in a frenzy.

That was another thing that had your mind in shambles right now.

How open he was when it came to you.

How quick he was to show you to the public, none of his other flings had gotten that opportunity, well until whoever this chick was.

Before you, Lewis hadn't introduced his "fun times" to his friends or even bothered to take any of them to the track.

That was something reserved only for you, though, you feel sort of naive, watching the tan and leggy woman prance around hand in hand with Lewis as he leaves the paddock.

You feel like you're stuck at the crossroads as you wait for Lewis to return.

He'd flown you out here partly because he claimed he missed you so much and the other half because of how much of a hard time you'd been having with your life in general.

Lewis was also a sort of saving grace for you, when you were with him, none of your other problems mattered. So you were quick to accept his invitation.

You'd never have accepted if you knew that he'd be playing a cruel game with you like this.

When the door creaks open and he emerges with a happy grin on his face, and bags filled to the brim with what you know are gifts for you, you can only grimace. Your attempt at a smile seems good enough for him as he approaches you and places a sudden kiss on your head.

"Hey love," He smiles, "I've got some gifts for you, yeah, knew you'd need a pick me up."

And you can't help to wonder if you'd needed the pick me up from his actions or what had transpired within this last week which was the sole purpose of you going to see him.

"I'm going to wash up, really fast, yeah? And then it'll be me and you tonight."

You say nothing as he places the bags at your feet and rushes into the bathroom.

You don't move, but you allow your eyes to skim through the bags and sigh as you see just how much he spent on you.

You had gone and done it.

Gone and made some glorified elaborate fairytale out of a man, who'd only treasured your body and in return showered you with gifts.

You laugh at yourself as your hand comes up to palm at your forehead.

You were his goddamn sugar baby, not the kind of woman he'd settle down with.

You feel even more stupid at the realization, that all of the nights you'd lay with him and console him after giving him your body were not as you had made them out to be.

It wasn't romantic, it was transactional. Those nights where you offered Lewis emotional solace always came with a hefty reward the next morning.

And now, you feel tainted, knowing that all it took was a simple call of your name for you to come flying to him and land in his bed, wrapped around his body.

You found Lewis in his prime and stuck by his side through his decline. You comforted him throughout his entire descent down the totem pole. Helped him out of that broken place, and gave him reassurance and something to look forward to.

You treasured this man.

Put him on top, time and time again, when he would leave you feeling used after your time together. And if it was up to you, you'd probably continue this cycle. Giving him your all and getting nothing in return.

You really wanted him, you wanted him to want you, which is why you were fine with keeping his bed warm, at least he wanted you in some kind of way, craved you even if it wasn't the way you wished to be desired.

When he emerges from the steamy bathroom, body clad only in a pair of briefs and his body soft and glowing, you swallow back all of your thoughts allowing yourself to take him in.

He nestles beside you on the bed, taking one of your hands in his, "everything okay?"

You can only push out a meek "yeah."

And the night goes on as planned.

The dim light of dusk spills through the blinds of the grand hotel room, casting long shadows that dance across the walls. You sit against the headboard, The melancholic melody of the empty night mirrors the turmoil in your heart.

Six years ago, you met Lewis at a nightclub, your paths crossing in a haze of neon lights and pulsing music. He was charming and mysterious, with eyes that held secrets and a smile that promised adventure. Your connection was instantaneous, a spark that quickly grew into an all-consuming flame. You spent endless nights talking, laughing, and dreaming about a future together. Well at least on your end.

But as the years passed, you began to notice the cracks in your seemingly perfect world. Lewis' past as a bachelor was a shadow that loomed over your situationship, a constant reminder of the freeness he carried within him. He would disappear for days on end with no communication, leaving you in a state of anxious uncertainty, your mind racing with thoughts of where he might be and who he might be with. Yet, you had no right to concern yourself with these sorts of things.

As you lay in bed, the weight of unspoken words pressing down on you, you find the courage to ask, "Lewis, do you love me?" His silence is deafening, and the look in his eyes speaks of a love that is nonexistent, a love that is more of a need for you than a want.

"I care about you," he finally whispers, his voice tinged with regret. "But my heart belongs to someone else. I’m sorry."

Your world shatters at that moment, the pieces of your heart shattering like broken glass. You know you have to let him go, to find a way to heal from the pain of a love that was never truly yours.

You realize that you have been holding on to a love that was destined to fade, a love that has left you feeling empty and lost.

You deserve a love that is real and true.

He’s like medicine, he makes you feel good and at the same time, he’s like poison, running through your system and finding a new part of you to sicken. Lewis is a walking contradiction, you don’t know if he’s helping you or hurting you, if he loves you, or if he hates you. Surely, he hates you, why else would he be okay with making you feel like this?

And as the city lights flicker on, you vow to never lose yourself again.

You shouldn't ask, because you know you can't bear the weight of his answer but you do.

"The woman from earlier?"

He sighs, his response weak, "Yes."

"So no more us? Right?"

"I think this is the last time." He admits and you swallow back your tears.

"Okay."

"I still want to be your friend."

"We were never friends Lewis, and we're not going to be friends after this."

Lewis swallows, sitting up to catch your gaze through the darkness.

For years, you and Lewis had maintained a delicate balance, a friends-with-benefits arrangement that allowed you both to keep things uncomplicated. You cherished the intimacy, the shared moments of laughter, the comfort of his presence. But deep down, you always knew that this arrangement had an expiration date, an inevitable end that you tried not to think about.

And now, that end has arrived. Lewis has fallen in love with someone else. You can only turn away from him.

You stand up, the cool air of the room a stark contrast to the warmth of the bed. You begin to gather your clothes, each movement mechanical, your mind numb with the reality of it all. You glance around the room, taking in the familiar surroundings that now feel foreign and distant.

As you pull on your jacket, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Your eyes are filled with unshed tears, your expression a mixture of sadness and resolve. You know that this is the moment you have to let go, to walk away from a love that was never truly yours.

You think it's kind of ironic.

How you'd been there for Lewis, and when you needed him most, he's leaving you behind.

"Do you love me?" Lewis' voice echoes from his place on the bed.

"No." You lie. "It was fun, was fun being a pit stop for you." You chuckle.

"It wasn't like that-"

"No, it's fine, we weren't anything, you fucked me and brought me gifts in return, I ate that up, that's all. I knew I was only here until you made up your mind, I'm happy you did."

You had a tendency to become a bitch when you were hurt and you knew that your words were low blows, but your pride was too hard for you to allow Lewis to see himself affect you in real time.

In reality, you'd hoped that if the unfortunate and impending doom would occur, that Lewis would have the decency to allow you to fall out of love with him first.

Then it wouldn't hurt.

You knew what the arrangement was, you knew that you and Lewis were technically nothing and you always thought that when the day came for him to finally leave you, you'd be fine. You'd feel nothing. But you do.

It feels like when that one character who doesn't care about dying has a sudden brush with death, how almost dying rids you of every sane thought you have, a person who fears nothing all of a sudden fears death, fears everything.

You always thought you'd feel nothing, but losing, could you even say losing Lewis?

Being left by Lewis feels terrible, being left by him feels scary, like everything you knew before was not as it seems.

You always thought you'd feel nothing, but you feel everything you thought you never would.

And in the end, you still wanted him to stay. You wanted him to choose you. Even if he didn't want you.

here you go babes @greedyjudge2 !! I'm sorry it took so long <3

part two in the future fs.

#lewis hamilton #black reader #lewis hamilton imagine #formula 1 #black reader friendly #lewis hamilton x black reader #f1 #poc reader #sir lewis hamilton #laneywrld #angst as always

309 notes · View notes

hannah-heartstrings · 1 year ago

Text

I used to wreck myself every November trying to win NaNo, I'd stay up way too late, I made my caffeine addiction worse, and it'd leave me exhausted for the next few months (before that became my regular state). And none of it was even needed 'cause I write all the time anyway.

When I see people stressing over NaNo I tend to feel like they're hurting themselves and I get the impulse to be obnoxious. I don't want anyone hurting themselves but I also know that some find NaNo to be helpful and fun.

So I'll post some reminders than leave writeblr alone:

Take care of yourself through November

Maintaining your sleep schedule is important to staying healthy

Stay hydrated, highly caffeinated drinks can dehydrate you more

Make sure to rest your wrists and eyes and get up to stretch every so often

Remember that your brain needs a break sometimes too

Don't hurt yourself to make the deadlines

If you are hurting yourself, it's OK to just stop anytime, all the words you've written won't be wasted because you quit

In fact any words you write are never wasted

It's OK to not do NaNoWriMo

It's OK to do it with a smaller goal

It's OK to not win NaNoWriMo

Be kind to yourself

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and love. 🍀🩷

#nanowrimo #writeblr #writing #writers #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #self care #mental health

939 notes · View notes

ghostssweetgirl · 2 years ago

Note

So, here’s the request lol

Fem reader x Ghost

Reader zones out a lot, doesn’t zone back in for awhile and keeps unfocusing their eyes. Ghost sees this and takes care off them.

Would be interesting to seee how König handles this too but that can be a post for another day lol

Have fun and stay hydrated hun 🤍

i'll be damned, i'm zoned out most of the time myself �� and i'm sure a lot of people relate as well, it's like i'm here but i'm not here lol. here have both 🤗

Reader x Ghost + König | How They React to You Zoning Out Often

Simon 'Ghost' Riley

Even before you two were together, he noticed how you'd... go somewhere else. You'd sit there and stare off into space, in deep thought? No, you wish it was just deep thoughts. You couldn't really help your dissociation.

Sometimes you could respond to a quick question, but most times, you really were in another world.

He'd gently tap you on your shoulder and bring you back with his soft voice. "Lovie. Hey, come back to me. 'S alright."

Here lately though, it's gotten worse. You catch yourself zoning out more than usual, your eyes unfocusing as well.

You'd been sitting in the living room watching one of your favorite shows. Ghost walks in from work, happily greeting his lovely wife whom he loves coming home to. He took a shower and changed into casual clothes before he joined you, but when he walked in his happy expression turned into a worried one.

"Babe?" he called out, sitting next to you. No response. "Y/N...?"

You were staring off into space, not unusual, but you weren't responding - physically or verbally. He reached out to rub your back. You didn't even flinch. Just a few moments ago, you greeted him happily, even smiled at him. He leaves the room for a few minutes and comes out to you like this. It always worries him.

He sighs before he gets up and turns the lights off, closes the blinds to a point there's not much sunlight coming in and he shuts off the TV. He kneels down in front of you and grabs your hands in his.

"Y/N, doll, hey..." he reaches up to cup your cheek. Your expression still blank, though your eyes move, he leans up and places a loving kiss on your forehead. You finally start to come back and you take in a deep breath. "There she is, my sweet girl. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," you smiled. You're not exactly sure why you do this, it slightly worries you but it's clear it worries Ghost more than it does yourself.

"I get so worried about you," he sighed. "There has to be something or somewhere we can go to see what's goin' on, is there?"

"Probably," you nervously laughed. "But there's not much they can do about it... I don't like doctors... or any of that sort."

"Regardless, I'll be here for you," he smiled. "I love you no matter what and I'll always take care of you."

König

Before you got together, he thought he had upset you the first time you zoned out. You two were having an at-home date, and you zoned out in the middle of your meal. You didn't mean to, it just happened.

Once you opened up, he made it a point to make every environment as comfortable as possible in hopes it would help lessen your moments.

He was so sweet and understanding about it, too.

He'd kiss all over your face and hold you so tight until you came back to him.

He had taken you out on an evening picnic, away from people, but close enough to take in the view of the beautiful lake as the sun was setting and you watched some ducklings and their mothers waddle into the lake.

You both finished your food and here you were laying in between his legs, back against his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder while you talked about nature and how it was such a beautiful night.

"It's not as beautiful as my Maus," he complimented you while he kissed your forehead.

You giggled, humming in response before you both fell in a comfortable silence.

Moments flew by, it was getting dark, but you didn't know that at the time.

"Maus? Maus?" his voice echoed, although you couldn't make out his words.

"Oh, Meine Liebe (my love)," he cooed as he gently grabbed behind your knees, now cradling you as he placed soft kisses all over your face. "I'm right here. It's gonna be okay."

He rubbed your cheeks, rocking you back and forth in his big arms, shushing and cooing at you, trying everything to bring you back. He kept his eyes on yours, which were focusing and unfocusing, slightly darting back and forth but he knew that you were zoning out.

"Oh, my dear," he smiled, rubbing your cheek faster as he saw your eyes start to flutter, blinking rapidly to wet your eyes that hadn't blinked for a good moment. "Is she okay? Do you feel alright? Let's get you back home."

"Mhm," you lazily agreed, looking up at your boyfriend who made you feel so safe even in these vulnerable moments. There was no one else in the world you'd rather zone out around; with him, you were safe no matter the state you were in.

A/N - This was actually very comforting to me personally! I know zoning out isn't the exact same for everyone but I only hope I captured this well. Thank you for the request @almightywdm <3

2K notes · View notes

prettyoatmeal · 1 year ago

Text

TF141 Taking Care of Sick Reader!

A/N: Guys I'm so sick right now. This cold has hit me like a truck at full speed. I literally slept 13 hrs today?!?!?!?!?!? So lets go guys, sick HC's because I need some comfort.

Masterlist here!

***************

Price just doesn't care because he rarely ever gets sick. Whenever you catch a cold, he's just unfazed because he knows his body well.

This man will PAMPER you. He'll cook you whatever you're craving, and if you're not hungry, you're getting force fed a few cups of broth just so there's something in you.

He'll run you a bath with the soap you love so much, making sure it's nice and steamy in the way you like it. And while your nose his clearing up from the steam, he's massaging your shoulders and the back of your neck and wherever you ask him to. Because he'll be damned if his love has to spend one more second with their body aching.

Taking medicine with him is a chore for both of you. Him because he has to deal with your stubbornness, and you because liquid medicine tastes awful and theres no getting around it. He's just there holding the spoon with the burgundy coloured syrup and you're turning away every time he gets it close to your mouth.

"Sweetheart, I know it tastes awful but it's only here to make you feel better."

Ends up bribing you with taking you out to your favourite restaurant when you're better, but lets face it, he would've taken you anyway.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

And once you've finally taken it, disregarded the disgusted look on your face, he's actively kissing you on your cheeks, your forehead, maybe your lips as well despite how much you try to pull away from them. But you give in of course. He's only looking out for you and you love him too much.

Gaz I think would be a bit of a germaphobe at first.

Illness on the battlefield? Sure, he can deal with that, who cares Sickness at home?? Nope, the antiseptic spray is coming out and getting sprayed onto every surface of your flat.

You're not getting out of bed until you're sure you're fine because he'll be damned if he catches it from you. He's making sure every second of the day that you're fed, you're hydrated, you're comfy.

If you ask him very nicely, he'll let you cuddle up to him if you promise to not sneeze on him. But when you're finally in his arms, he sees your flushed face, your bleary eyes, the way you cling onto him so tightly even though you're so weak, fading in and out of sleep and he feels himself falling in love all over again.

"Poor baby. I'll take care of you, don't worry."

It happens every single time, it's hilarious. His mind changes every single time. Even if you sneeze on him, you'll get nothing more than a slight scolding as he holds a tissue up to your nose.

Medicine is different with him. Mixes it with your hot tea knowing just how much you hate taking it. If you question why it tastes so weird, he blames it on the temperature distorting the flavour and your messed up taste buds.

And it works, you never question it again.

After that, he'll turn your favourite show on just as background noise and it isn't long until you're falling asleep on top of him.

Ghost is not letting you lift a finger. If you stand up to go get something to eat or drink before he deems you of proper health, he's sweeping you off your feet and laying you back into bed.

"I can do things by- achoo! -by myself."

"No you can't. Stay put, lovie. I'll get your plate for you."

Doesn't want to make it seem like he's babying you.. but he definitely just is.

Simon is normally really good with letting you have your independence, he never wants to make it feel like you don't have a choice. But in times like these where you need to rest, he is having absolutely none of it and there's nothing you can do other that yourself be dragged back to your room.

This man will also chase you around the flat to make sure you take the medicine because you better get through this, and on his watch, you will be.

"Open up, Princess." while you keep turning your head away. Much like John, he definitely needs to bribe you with the shoes you saw on the way home one day or that new restaurant that opened a week ago. And only then you finally take it, gagging at the chemically taste.

After that, you will constantly be swaddled in warmth no matter what. Whether it be him since he's pretty much a radiator himself, a hot bath, or a million blankets and plushies. He just wants you as comfortable as possible for your weakened state.

For baths, it's almost certain he will join you. He'll let you lean back on him as he massages your shoulders, your arms, your thighs and legs. And you're left so dizzy and hazy because he's soothing your aching body so well.

He probably catches it a week after you, once you're already better and then it's your turn to take care of him :3 and you know just how Simon feels about being pampered and looked after.

Soap would be sick with you but stubborn as ever to let you take care of him.

He's just way too touchy and kissy and feely when you're infected, it's awful. Makes fun of you for having a bad immune system even though his is just as bad, if not worse.

"Shut your gob, Bonnie. I won't catch it. it's just a wee cold."

He catches it and it was more than just a 'wee cold'. You're both so weak, bodies throbbing and aching all over but he's still determined to make you his priority.

Going to the bathroom is a hassle because when you go, he'll go. He can't leave his love alone, not in this state! He'll stand outside the door like a cat does, just waiting.. and waiting.. and oh! You've accidentally opened the door on him because he can barely pay attention to whatever's in front of him.

To make up for it, you help ice his forehead.

He'll cook for you, infecting the kitchen with his boy-germs. But it's great because he can just put a few cups of broth up to a simmer and drink it with you on the couch.

Once it's time to take medicine, you both chicken out because it just tastes so gross. But knowing you have to take it, you made a deal to take it at the same time. You're both disgusted but clink your mugs together and use your tea as chasers.

Cheers!

Will sneeze on you more than once by accident. He's gross but we love him.

He definitely tries (keyword is tries) to stay awake long enough for you to make sure you're peacefully sleeping through your sick, but he definitely gets knocked out the moment he cuddles up against you.

***************

GRAHHHHH I'm so sick I'm going to bed. Cheers guys, goodnight

*************** DISCLAIMER Under no circumstances do I give permission to copy, repost, or manipulate my work in any way. I am not comfortable with this. If you wish to translate my work, message me privately. My inbox is always open.

793 notes · View notes

victorbutnotreally · 6 months ago

Note

hi!! my first time requesting, but you're writing is just too good.

can you do one where the reader makes like a suicidal joke or says something tragic and brushes it off and han gets concerned and asks him abt it and all that?

please only do it if you're comfortable (i read 'life over death' so i thought you'd be comfortable, but it's fine if you don't do it)

anyway, stay hydrated <3

JUST A JOKE? - HAN JISUNG X MALE READER

A/N: I do that all the time omg it's so annoying cuz I can't control myself and I'll say these to someone and they look at me like "Are we gonna unpack that or...?" But thanks for the request and don't be shy to request again, darling <3

warnings: suicidal joke, mentions of suicide, bad writing (I suck at writing comforting shit)

What would you do in a zombie apocalypse?

Jisung barely had time to think out his plan when Mn answered a single word.

"Die." Jisung laughed.

"I guess that makes sense." Mn made an expression which said "what else am i supposed to do?"

"It's the best excuse to die, I wouldn't give up that golden opportunity."

Jisung's eyebrows furrowed. That sentence is what concerned him. Why is Mn looking for opportunities to die? He didn't want to get Mn to open up during what was supposed to be a fun interview, so he made a mental note to ask him when they got home. That single sentence managed to scare him.

It seemed like Mn didn't notice the worried glances Jisung spared him. Maybe these thoughts were...normal to him? Jisung didn't understand...Mn was happy. At least, he seemed to be.

Once they got home, he didn't waste time in asking Mn about that particular sentence. He tried to be subtle, though. But that did nothing to mask his concern.

"Hyung.." Mn looks up from his phone.

"Yeah?"

"Would you really just..give up and die if there's a zombie apocalypse?"

"Yeah. Living doesn't seem worth it."

"Right..." Mn nodded awkwardly, shifting his gaze to a random throw pillow on their couch.

"But would you- I mean, you said something about not wanting to waste an opportunity to die."

"..I did. It's not-" Jisung listened carefully, not wanting to interrupt him despite his urge to just wrap him up in a hug.

"It was a joke...y'know?...Just...a joke."

Seeing Mn who was usually very sure of what he was saying sound so...unsure, as if the words were to convince himself rather than to convince Jisung was alarming to him.

"Just a joke?"

"Mhm." Jisung was definitely not convinced. He wrapped his arms around Mn, listening to his heartbeat and praying to the heavens that it wouldn't stop anytime soon.

"Do you honestly feel that way? That you'd take up any opportunity to die?"

"I guess I get overwhelmed sometimes. Like it would just be better to give up. But don't worry, I won't leave you guys behind." Jisung's lips curved into a small, relieved smile at those words, his heartbeat slowing down.

"Promise to come to me if you feel like ending things. No matter the time, no matter what, just come find me. I don't want to lose you. Ever."

Mn sighed in content, hugging the younger male tighter.

"Okay..but don't worry so much, yeah?"

"Can't help it."

167 notes · View notes

maryland-officially · 3 months ago

Text

I have OCD.

Once I find something that brings be comfort and joy, I encase myself in it. Comfort, joy, must have. Must keep. This helps. This will help.

I get obsessive, easily. This applies to many things.

It's not just when something is of comfort or joy. It's even more so when something resolves some - especially the majority - of a negative emotion surrounding something. This can be fear, depression, a queasy, uncomfortable feeling.... many things.

For example, I 'have OCD about germs.' A fear of germs was instilled in me by my second grade teacher. It was the perfect environment for an obsession + compulsion to develop.

The teacher had always made sure that we wiped our desks with Clorox wipes after every assignment. Multiple times per day, maybe per hour - it was in elementary school, so I can't say per period.

We had to use hand sanitizer every time that we touched something, before and after getting a worksheet, everytime that we'd leave our desks for something, when starting a new activity - more often than we'd wipe our desks.

Often when we did this, she'd talk about the importance of 'staying away from germs', and how even though we're wiping desks, we're still in 'so much danger', seeing as there's still the '0.01% of germs', since they always say 99.9% of germs die. (Learning that this is a lie and it is less than 99.9% of germs killed was not fun.)

Being wary of germs became normal, it was okay. I understood it - I feared the germs, which, that's normal for a child! I wasn't really that scared. It was just an underlying thought.

But, the thing is, this very same teacher, didn't believe in washing hands. She believed it was a waste of time, and said that there would be hand sanitizer outside of the bathrooms waiting for us to use, and that it was unnecessary to wash our hands - it 'took too long'.

This was abnormal. It was strange. It didn't make sense. Germs are bad. Hand sanitizer doesn't kill all of them. Hand sanitizer is just a gel, it doesn't clean off your hands. It's just a gel. It's a coating, really. Wash your hands. It's better. It's cleaner. They aren't washing their hands. Wash your hands more. They need to be clean. Clean. Clean. No germs. They aren't clean enough. They feel unclean. They need to be clean. You're using the same sink as they did to rinse off their hands -- what if they don't use soap? Or not enough of it? Wash them. Different sink. Grab a towel, don't touch the handle. It's unclean. There are germs. So many people touch that. Don't touch it. It's dangerous. People die from that, you know. Don't.

Needless to say I did not follow that rule - uhm, I in fact did washed my hands. This is an obsession. I obsessed over my hands being clean. ...I still do. I still don't trust tables, I still feel uncomfortable touching sink handles, I still wash my hands every time I get anywhere near a sink because just in case.

The compulsion, of course, was watching them.

The thing is, haha, this didn't help me. OCD isn't just this.

OCD makes you obsess so much it's harmful. My skin cracks because of it. My dermatologist said that I needed to use lotion after every time I washed my hands to re-hydrate them, because all the hand sanitizer - that I had started to bring with me, and use so much more often - and hand washing had dried them out so much.

...Sometimes I obsess over things that aren't like this. Things that bring me comfort.

Movies. TV shows. Grades. Friends.

It's like a hyperfixation or special interest, kind of. But less talked about, I guess.

When I say I obsess over my friends I mean that literally, by the way. If I seem like I'm distancing myself it's because I am. I get scared that I'll obsess.

It happens. It's not like, a yandere thing. It's not a 'crush'. It's more like when I get too close to a friend and they are too much of a comfort for me, my brain goes haywire and thinks 'comfort needed. happy needed. if person = comfort, then must surround myself with person.' I think my brain thinks it'll bring me more joy.

It doesn't.

It gets to a point where I value one person over my own life, I've had moments where I've ignored everything except for a person.

...but that's more extreme cases. please don't be worried, I'm in therapy now. I don't know. I'm sorry. I just feel like I have to say this.

#tw ocd #idk #tw obsessive thoughts #tw intrusive thoughts #tw ocd thinking #do you like the colors of the ocd #tw long post #long post #actually ocd #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder

141 notes · View notes