#I’ve seen people lose their fucking lives for way less

[onehelluvafan]

Will Stolas lose his immortality?

I’ve seen several mentions of Mission: Weeaboo-boo being a parallel to Blitz’s first encounter with Stolas (as an adult), which I can totally get behind. Right out the gate we have the “you were here to ravish me” similarity as well as Blitz “sneaking in, under the cover of night.”

I've also seen the hypothesis that Emberlynn's fan fiction includes an element of foreshadowing for what’s going to happen in the climax of Season 2.

Her episode is also the only one of the shorts with that "ticking" sound during the content warning, which lends further credence to the idea that it is tied in with the main plot somehow, even if merely thematically.

This got me pondering the possible parallels related to Emberlynn's functional immortality against demonkind and her decision to give it up in order to "be with Blitz."

Which now has me wondering—is Stolas going to have to give up his immortality to be with Blitz? Or lose it due to the illegal arrangement they've had going on?

Or, leaning into the idea that her episode is merely a reflection of how Blitz views his relationship with Stolas, could it simply be a parallel to the fact that Stolas has already been in mortal danger as a result of choosing to be with Blitz? And that Blitz feels responsible for Stolas' “undoing?”

We’re shown in Ghostfuckers that one of Blitz’s fears is that Millie could have died during any of the missions from episodes 1-4 of season one. Couple that with the fact that he believes that he “makes everyone’s lives worse,” it’s reasonable to assume that he not only fears, but feels responsible for her life being in mortal danger during their missions.

Whether he cared more about Stolas or the arrangement when he stopped the first assassination attempt, Striker was without the angelic weapon when he fled, which Moxxie had expressed complete shock in Striker's ability to have in the first place.

I think that Blitz allowed his cognitive dissonance to convince himself that Striker was no longer a threat without this weapon. Because deep down, he may have been afraid that telling Stolas about the assassination attempt might not be a neutral event for him. That he didn’t even want to contemplate the idea that he might actually care beyond the loss of their "arrangement."

In the very next episode, Truth Seekers, we see these feelings forced to the surface during his drug-induced hallucination—with Stolas at the top of a long flight of stairs, saying, “Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?”

With the knowledge that he’s afraid that he makes “everyone’s lives worse,” it adds layers to many Stolitz scenes that follow throughout the series. Data points that someone like Blitz could easily see as evidence of that very fear. “Proof” that he’s responsible for Stolas’ life “falling apart.”

- He knew that Stolas was married as evidenced by his “Sorry, I fucked your husband” after their first night together. Stolas was clearly not only consenting to sex with Blitz, but was expressing a joyous desperation for it. Despite this, it was actually the “first ever friend” comment that caused Blitz to hesitate and return to Stolas, which we now know was a soft spot for him due to his experience with Fizz. But it was Blitz’s choice to stay or go, and staying is what kicked off the arrangement, is the reason for the sexual nature of its terms, and caused a domino effect that impacted Stolas’ entire life, including his family.

- When the two of them were being roasted at Ozzie’s, it wasn’t Stolas’ perspective that was showcased for Blitz, but Ozzie and Wally Wackford’s. Not only does the narrative begin early with Wally’s “Are you sleeping with an imp?!” but it’s followed up by Ozzie’s “My dark lord, how the mighty do fall,” and continues with Stolas being called out for “giving up” his wife and daughter specifically for his choice to be with Blitz. And the way that the narrative plays out, it almost sounds like his downfall was less for cheating than it was for sleeping with an imp.

Either way, seeing Stolas hide his face behind the menu likely “confirmed” multiple things for Blitz. That despite Stolas’ “public” flirting in front of other imps, when confronted by someone actually associated with Stolas’ upper class society, Blitz was reduced to being an embarrassment for Stolas.

Believing that, left no room for even a glimmer of hope that they could be anything more than what they already were: a prince who enjoyed “sleeping with an imp” and was apparently paying a pretty steep price for it.

- Then there’s Octavia. In Loo Loo Land, Stolas takes her to the theme park but spends most of his time flirting with Blitz. Not only does she comment on this in front of Blitz, but he’s there to witness when she’s finally had enough and storms off, mad at her father. In Seeing Stars, Octavia came to I.M.P., stole the grimoire, and disappeared with it. Why? Because her father was so wrapped up in the divorce, that she felt angry and neglected.

- In Full Moon, his fight with Stolas took them through part of the palace. This is very likely the first time he’s seen it since he was apprehended at the “Not Divorced” party, and what has it become? When he came back into Stolas’ life, it was bright, vibrant, and full of people. That night in Full Moon, it was dark, muted, and the only person visible in his photos were of Via.

While Blitz may have inferred at the time that Stolas’ marriage wasn’t in a good place, he doesn’t know just how miserable Stolas was in the life he had before. From Blitz’s perspective, he may have appeared fairly content overall when they first reconnected.

Compare that to Apology Tour, which Blitz sees as the natural outcome of what people experience when they are around him long enough.

Data point after data point, to feed into the idea that Stolas’ life has been “ruined,” just by Blitz being in it. His marriage ended, his relationship with his daughter was negatively impacted, and by Ghostfuckers, someone had tried to kill him twice.

I don't think Blitz is aware that Stella is the one who has been putting out the hits, but I could see him internalizing the idea that if Stolas had died during the second attempt, it would have been his fault. Because not only had he chosen not to warn Stolas that someone was trying to assassinate him, he was also the person that Stolas had reached out to for help and he had let M&M go in his stead.

It is after this attempt on Stolas’ life that we see Blitz absolutely shook by the idea that Stolas not only could be hurt, but that he was hurt and had almost died.

This is also several months after the night at Ozzie’s, when he had first begun to realize that, painful as it was, he may care for Stolas after all. Months during which they hadn’t seen each other and he had time to actually miss their time together.

Between that and finding out that he can actually get hurt, I can see Stolas becoming one of the people that Blitz feels the desire to protect. Unfortunately, this also seems to come with the anxiety of being responsible for what he perceives as the “collateral damage” of being associated with him.

Finally, in Truth Seekers, where the "ticking" began, Stolas had exposed himself via "real" demonic power to the D.H.O.R.K.S. and by extension, the living world. But the only reason he was there and got himself caught on camera is because he came to rescue Blitz.

This could be linked to the scene where we see Blitz attempting to protect and defend Stolas against someone. My bet is on Paimon, who, while ranking below the 7 Sins in power, is still depicted as a fairly powerful being. Stolas had not only exposed their existence to the living world, but had showcased his power in his attempt to scare the agents into submission. We know there’s going to be consequences for that, as well as for the divorce, and I expect Paimon will have a part to play, one way or another.

Stolas mentioned in Seeing Stars that without the grimoire, his powers are rather limited. I assumed that the worst outcome for him at the end of Season 2 was being stripped of his status and grimoire, which would vastly reduce his raw power as well as the power his position in society affords him.

Obviously, the actual worst-case scenario would be the loss of his life, which it's assumed Blitz is trying to protect him from in the snippet from the trailer. But it didn't occur to me until now that even with my own certainty that he'll survive the Season 2 climax, there was a third possible outcome... that along with his power and status, Stolas could also be stripped of his immortality.

[explanationpoint]

…

[anonymous-dentist]

I’ve seen a lot of people genuinely and sincerely wondering why the Federation can’t heal Empanada back up to two lives using the Egg Hospital, and that just means that the Federation Propaganda is working.

So let me explain how the Eggs work within the lore of the QSMP:

The Eggs, in the beginning, were supposed to be a one or two week event. The parents with the happiest egg would get a prize. The parents with dead eggs would be punished.

Within Lore, these original eggs- Dapper, Leo, Chayanne, Ramon, Tilin, Flippa, Bobby, and Trump(et)- were the children of a “dragon mother” who had flown away from the island after the islanders blew up the wall. Tallulah was a later addition, but she is “biologically” (we’ll come back to the quotation marks in a second) related to the og eggs. So is Pomme, who had been stuck under the adoption center for over a month waiting to be adopted. Our outliers are Richarlyson- who wasn’t even supposed to exist yet, Sunny, Empanada, and Pepito.

And then there are the other Eggs. The dead ones. Like “Hope”, the egg the Federation left to die in the middle of nowhere waiting to be adopted. Or Egg A1, the egg ElQuackity was experimenting on that burned to death. Or the several dead eggs mentioned in the Maze Book, the ones who would be Sunny and Empanada and Pepito’s siblings if those three really are the three surviving eggs from the Maze Book.

You see, the Eggs aren’t real. They’re artificial. We’ve known this since May/June when SOFIA analyzed “Richarlyson’s placenta” (don’t ask) and found, wow! The Eggs are essentially artificial, inorganic lifeforms. And then we see ElQ experimenting on A1, and then we hear about the Maze Experiment, and then we find out about Egg Island and how the Federation technically owns it, and we realize, oh. Huh.

The Eggs have never met their supposed dragon mother. That’s because she doesn’t exist. The Eggs were created solely for the purpose of the experiment the islanders are unwillingly part of. They’re tools, and the Federation doesn’t care about them.

The Eggs, to the Federation, are more or less expendable. The Feds’ primary focus is the islanders and keeping them under control. The Eggs still being alive now is only because the Feds quickly realized that their test subjects would fucking lose it if the Eggs were taken away like they were supposed to have been.

But if the Eggs happen to die on their own, so be it. That’s fine. They’re kids, they’re fragile.

Tilin and Flippa and Trump and Bobby are all dead, and it’s been shown that the Feds could have brought them back permanently by putting them in the hospital they canonically have, or by bringing them back “by magic” like how Sapo Peta revived Flippa after the trial. This is why Cellbit infiltrated the Feds in the first place and it’s a HUGE part of why he hates them now! He knows that they could keep every egg safe and alive, but they choose not to because, again, the eggs are expendable!

If the Federation had their way, the Eggs wouldn’t have been retrieved at all when they disappeared. But the islanders started going berserk and rebelling and the Feds went “Oh, shit”, and thus the Eggs’ return was made a priority.

The Eggs are a form of control, and everybody even remotely questioning the Federation knows it. Keeping the Eggs around and alive serves to keep the islanders in line. If they rebel, the Eggs could die. This is why the Eggs were brought back in the first place, and it’s why the parents of dead eggs and those without eggs in the first place were the ones assigned to Sunny, Empanada, and Pepito. Those people couldn’t be controlled, but now they can be. People like Tubbo won’t mess with Cucurucho anymore because they don’t want their kids dead; it’s why Cellbit only started lashing out after Richarlyson had been gone for almost two months.

So… why don’t they just keep the Eggs alive?

Easy. Because the Eggs are expendable. Them living is the easiest option, but them dying isn’t really a huge issue. People like Jaiden have been easy enough to manipulate after losing their egg. Grieving parents so far haven’t had huge explosive reactions (except for Maxo, who very notably did have a huge explosive reaction.) Slime and Mariana fell into depressive states, Jaiden became easier to manipulate, Quackity was able to be kidnapped and brainwashed. Roier and Maxo kept their illegal rebellious activities under wraps, and neither really made any big huge moves against the Feds (again, outside of the nuke.)

If the Eggs die naturally, it’s fine. It’s the parents’ faults for letting their child die- just look at how nobody blamed the Federation for permanently taking Bobby away, but people both on the server and off blamed Roier for “getting him killed”, or how Mariana is the scapegoat for the Federation not bringing Flippa back to life when they easily could’ve done so.

Eggs dying naturally turns islander aggression inwards… with the exceptions of Cellbit, Roier, and Maxo, and now Bagi and Mousey. The Feds don’t want anyone getting angry at them, they want the islanders to get angry at themselves. That way, nobody can organize against them.

So the Feds won’t reverse a life lost. They won’t revive a dead egg. They don’t need to. The Eggs aren’t the experiment here. They aren’t important.

[sparrowsoupp]

some of the most iconic queer poster children of the warrior cats fandom. happy pride to the girls gays and theys (particularly those who enjoy brawling feline content)

dabble in my headcannons for these pairings under the read-more button if i’ve piqued your interest…

RAVEN x BARLEY (gay x gay)

i know there’s been a bit of controversy going around about these two and how they could be seen as toxic, with barley being insecure over ravenpaw’s connection to thunderclan. i get that perspective for sure, but i think it’s representative of REASONABLE flaws in a real relationship. obviously it’s not ideal that they never completely resolve it (since it’s ‘solved’ in the graphic novel but reopened in ravenpaw’s novella) and i wished that they addressed that more concretely (i say about a fucking middle grade book about talking cats LOL) but even more so i think you could see it as a realistic relationship as with issues in those, they often subdue and reoccur at intervals. it’s just about talking it out with your partner 🦭👍 plus if the majority of their relationship outside of this is good (which i definitely see it as, since obviously the books have to take place at points of conflict for there to be interesting things to write about) then it seems to be a somewhat small flaw.

that being said i haven’t actually read the books this comes up in so take my opinion with grains of salt, just online discourse about it. totally get if your life experience makes you see their interactions another way as this is just my two cents based on my experience with people.

overall i’m not a superfan of the sickly-sweet reputation these two get but i do like them for what i see them as, which is a Normal Relationship with Some Flaws. i like that they find solace in each other in a peaceful place after fleeing their less peaceful pasts. it’s a great dynamic (and i’m a sucker for farms) and i think they compliment each other’s personalities really well, with barley bringing ravenpaw out of the shell he’s been forced into and ravenpaw inspiring more cautiousness in a very brash barley who would otherwise probably jump into fights at the drop of a hat.

on a somewhat unrelated note, as a kid did anyone else wish that ravenpaw dropped his paw suffix? or blue/firestar granted him an honourary suffix for everything the poor kid went through? this isn’t like a super big meanigful thing but it just annoyed me when i was younger that the paw suffix kind of belittles him to apprentice level when after the fuckery the poor kid went through i think he deserves more recognition from the clans than that.

BLUESTAR x YELLOWFANG (bi x bi)

OKAYYY old women! while fanart of the two of them being in a loving happy relationship is very cute i like to take my old woman yuri one-sided and traumatic.

i think that yellowfang would have an unrequited crush on bluestar. what’s there not to like?! at the point when they meet bluestar is a compassionate but commanding cat in the prime of her leadership. after a bit of her being in the camp i think bluestar would also start spending a curious amount of time in the medicine den… unconciously she definitely saw the appeal in yellowfang from the getgo- it definitely strengthens the reasoning of her surprising decision to defend yellowfang as a member of thunderclan depsite risking a full on war with other clans from it, and her other clanmates lives in the process. obviously bluestar’s a leader that wouldn’t base a decision like that just based on a crush, and it was definitely because of what she wants her clan to stand for, but it’s Not a downside that the cute lady she used to see at gatherings gets to stay a while

bluestar’s definitely not letting it occupy her mind though, of course, totally not (the lady has Trauma from her relationship with oakheart and i see her as having an attatchment issue where she doesn’t feel like she deserves to have a healthy relationship, especially after losing mosskit. she’s just not fully ready yet). yellowfang pines as she watches bluestar throw herself fully into her work to distract herself from the growing feelings, and at some point probably grows annoyed with the cat-and-mouse and starts dedicating herself fully to her own work as a medicine cat too. there are moments of sweetness and clarity and words on the tips of tongues, but just as unexpectedly as they come bluestar will turn her head back to her duties.

unfortunately once tigerstar’s betrayal happens all cute flirting comes to a screeching halt as bluestar is consumed by the paranoia. on the good days she’ll hold stilted conversation with her clanmates, but not so much on the bad days. yellowfang hurts as she watches her crush sprial into madness and dysfunction, the likes of which is only heightened when the fire happens and yellowfang passes- completely insetting bluestar’s hatred for starclan for taking her love (who she still does have deeply-buried feelings for) away from her.

overall, can you tell i love inflicting mental anguish on bluestar? it’s my favourite hobby. i’m not even joking.

LEAFPOOL x MOTHWING (bi x lesbian)

okay this one might make you realise i love doomed yuri. Anyways,

put simply, i think leafpool and mothwing find each other attractive and secretly hook up on a frequent basis for some…. Funny Business. Hanky-Panky, if you will. ‘no-strings-attached’ yeah right i don’t think sapphics have ever pulled off a no strings attatched relationship without casualities.

mothwing definitely wants to confess but leafpool by that point has been forcing herself to move on and ends up telling mothwing about ‘liking’ crowfeather right before mothwing works up the courage (reading leafpool x crowfeather for the first time in the canon books geniunely felt like someone’s ao3 crackship. i guess that’s what traumabinding will do to two mfs). or maybe mothwing notices that leafpool is pregnant (which HOW THE HELL DID NOONE NOTICE IN CANON) and backs the hell off from that. maybe a very angsty argument over that… delicious.

how very ‘good luck babe’ by chappell roan of them! i think things end pretty awkwardly for mothpool and neither leafpool nor crowfeather are really in love with each other they’re just something shiny and distracting from each of their respective circuses of personal lives. i literally hear the clown music playing as they run away together. maybe it’s tinnitus.

they probably pine for each other forever and ever after that, neither falling in love again because they never get over each other. damn. how awkward is it to see your kind-of-ex at the moonpool every month…

anyway thanks for reading though beau’s cat rambles! if youve stuck it out to here… a tip of the hat to you

[prime-adeptus]

BAD IDEA (FORGET ABOUT IT, FORGET ABOUT ME) – QUANXI X READER

It’s a bad idea. You know it is. Even fucking worse now that you realise that you’re no longer doing this for sexual pleasure. You’re doing it for her affection, even if it only comes with her hand around your throat or between your thighs. Or, the one where you’re not lovers, just strangers, and you’re fine with it. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

CONTENT.⠀NSFW; female reader; friends with benefits, unrequited pining, angst, slight power imbalance (quanxi is mc’s superior), alcohol, mentions of medication, unhealthy relationships, hurt/no comfort, original character deaths, mentions of blood. Canon divergent, but takes place after the events of Part 1. ~6.5k words

NOTES.⠀my first fic of 2024 lets gooo baby HAPPY NEW YURI!!!! this is my contribution to my thank u, next collab :) likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! this is the most self-indulgent I’ve ever written but I hope you enjoy regardless;;

also on ao3 | @angelshub @bitchcraftinc @enchantedforest-network @ghostqueue

You never think twice.

It runs in the family, you think. Your father was an insanely reckless devil hunter, your mother was impulsive even in the worst situations, and your brother did things just for the thrill. It’s ironic that for people with a job that relies on survival instinct, they had none at all. Impulsivity runs in your family, and there will soon come a day when it will get you killed the same way it did with them. That’s fine. Death doesn’t scare you, not anymore. He’ll come bearing his scythe when his time comes, taking your soul to where it needs to be, and you’ll let it happen when it does.

Public Safety wasn’t your first option. Being a professional devil hunter wasn’t, either. You wanted to pursue something less violent, like someone who could help improve a community’s welfare. You wanted kids to grow up better than you did. But with devils roaming the streets and the lack of the ‘strong-hearted,’ it came as no surprise that you had to give up on what you’d initially hoped. You’re still pissed about it years later in your career. The younger you wanted to help the world.

In a way, you got what you wanted. It just wasn’t the way you wanted it to happen.

You think you’re more familiar with firearms and blades than you are with flowers and crayons now. Your hands, once soft and delicate, are now scarred and calloused, stained with the blood of those you had to slay and lose in combat. Your heart, once full of hope and kindness, is now cold as ice. The innocence and joy you used to have were cruelly ripped out of your hands and crushed into pieces you can never put together again.

But you don’t have time to miss who you used to be, nor do you have the time to dream anymore. You have to survive in a world where danger lurks in every corner. You will pass the days instead of living them, letting them hurt you and bury misery deep in your bones, but you will survive, if not by sheer determination or instinct.

The drink you’re having burns your throat. Though you weren’t previously a drinker, having seen how it changed people like it did to your father, there’s nothing else you can turn to. You never liked bars either, yet here you are, sitting all by your lonesome. People change, whether it’s out of their volition or against their will. You don’t know where you fall between those categories.

The longer you stare into space, the more you tune out the world around you. You feel as though you aren’t here, but somewhere else. It’s been happening more often than you’d like—zoning out, feeling like you’re not in control of your body, vulnerable. You’re more annoyed by it than you are concerned. You’re a professional devil hunter, bound to an organisation that could dispose of you without a second thought if you fail them. There is no time for weakness. Your training and years of work have taught you that the hard way.

By the time you come back to your senses, your glass is already empty. A frown tugs at the corners of your lips. You’ve half a mind to order another shot to feel something other than perpetual numbness and exhaustion, but ultimately decide against it. Your tolerance isn’t as high as Kishibe’s is, after all. Who knows what will happen if you bite off more than you can chew? You don’t, and more importantly, you don’t want to deal with the consequences.

With a sigh, you leave the bar. The bells above the door chime as the door opens and exposes you to the winter air. A chill runs down your spine, making you shiver involuntarily. You’ve never been fond of the cold. It’s miserable, it makes you lethargic, and it’s a pain to get through without getting sick. You hate the shitty apartment you live in and the equally shitty radiator that came with it too, but this time around, you actually can’t wait to be home. You suppose there are still some things to look forward to, no matter how mundane they may be.

“Hm. Didn’t expect to see anyone out at this hour.”

You turn to see Quanxi leaning against a wall with a cigarette between her lips and the same deadpan expression you’re used to seeing her wear. Instinctively, you bow your head in greeting, though she makes no move to respond to it. Briefly you realise how you’ve never had a proper conversation with her, only good mornings here and there whenever you happen to cross paths. This is the first time she’s properly acknowledged you as something else other than one of Kishibe’s many juniors he ‘babysits,’ as he would say.

The wind blows the nicotine in your direction, causing you to grimace instinctively. In an attempt to cover it, you clear your throat and reply, “I couldn’t sleep.”

“I thought you didn’t like being out at night.”

“I don’t,” you say with a wry smile. “Why are you out at this hour, Miss Quanxi?”

“I couldn’t sleep either.” With a sigh, she pushes herself off the wall and finds her place by your side. “I’ll walk you home. I’m going in the same direction anyway.”

You have a feeling she’s not going to take no for an answer, so all you do is nod and go along with her. It puts you on edge, being so close to someone you’ve always held in high regard. It’s also strange, in a good way, to be alone with a woman like her. Up until a few moments ago, you didn’t even know she was aware of you at all. You find that you like having her beside you like this. It makes you feel safe, protected, and in a way you can’t pinpoint why, like you belong.

The apartment building looms overhead and stands among electrical lines and small stores. The lightbulb in front of the elevator flickers before it goes out, leaving the hallway too dim for your liking. Anxiety starts to bubble at the pit of your stomach. You don’t know if it’s because of the dark or if it’s because of how close she’s standing to you. As your finger hovers over the button, you glance at her and blurt out, “Would you like to come in?”

She blinks as if she wasn’t expecting you to say that. She probably wasn’t. Heat rises to your cheeks and paints them with shame. You tend to speak before you think, which has both worked in your favour and against it.

(You never learn.)

“It’s cold outside,” you try to reason. “You could come in for tea, warm up for a bit before you go. I’d feel bad if I let you leave without anything.”

“I don’t need anything from you.”

Your face burns. You should’ve thought she’d say no. You should’ve thought more. Of course, the Quanxi has no reason to stay and chat with you. She’s not the kind of person to do such a thing. She’s stoic, unapproachable, and–

“But if you insist, I’ll come in,” she says, interrupting you just before your brain is about to go into overdrive. “I could use a break anyway.”

She follows you into the cramped elevator without another word. It’s hard to keep your cool as you’re all too slowly taken up the building. With trembling hands, you unlock the door to your apartment. Your nerves are going haywire for reasons you can’t begin to fathom. You ignore them the best you can.

“Tea? Coffee?” you ask. You like to think you’re pretty good at keeping your composure, but you’re not so confident tonight. It’s fine. You’re being considerate, nothing more, so there’s no need to be so nervous. You’re just being a good host.

“Tea is fine.”

“Alright. Um, have a seat. I’ll be done in a minute.”

She takes off her shoes at the doorway before stepping into the living area, glancing around wordlessly. You hope she doesn’t mind the mess on the coffee table, even if it’s only receipts, newspapers and some blister packs you keep forgetting to throw out. Normal, mundane things. You haven’t had the time or drive to organise your place lately. You wish you did. For anything in general, really.

You’re surprised how stable your hands are this time around as you carry the tray towards where she’s sitting on the couch. She takes the mug with a barely audible thanks and you take your own. The couch isn’t small by any means. It’s old, yes, but it’s more than enough to seat two people. For some reason, it feels like it’s smaller. You’re close enough that your knees brush against each other. You try not to think about how this is the closest you’ve ever physically been to someone in years.

You almost want to scoff at that. It’s never occurred to you (or rather, you prefer not to think about it) how deprived you are of warmth and contact. Every day consists of you passively following a monotonous routine. People like you don’t get the chance to be close to someone, physically and emotionally, not when they can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. You should be used to it by now.

You don’t think you can ever be.

“Is it okay?” Your voice is soft, hesitant. “It’s not too sweet?”

“It’s fine.”

You don’t know if Quanxi is one for small talk. You highly doubt it, but still, you find yourself chattering away. You talk about almost forgetting your keys in the morning, about how friendly your neighbours are despite their intimidating appearance, about the dog that greets you every morning and every time you come back.

Self-consciousness suddenly threatens to consume you whole when you catch how much you’ve been rambling in your flustered state. You can’t tell if she’s actually listening or if she’s only humming and nodding along so you’d stop eventually. Maybe you should.

The sudden silence makes her look at you curiously. “What’s wrong?”

“I, ah, nothing.” You shake your head. “I forgot what I was going to say.”

“You were talking about your last mission,” she offers. You’re almost disappointed that she had been listening to you. “The bodyguard one.”

You didn’t expect that.

“Right… I’m sorry, Miss Quanxi. I didn’t realise how long I’ve been keeping you here. Would you like me to see you out?”

“I don’t mind. You sound interesting.” She places the cup down and leans back against the cushions, getting herself comfortable. You aren’t sure if you should take it as a compliment or something. “And Quanxi is fine. I’m not Kishibe.”

“Of course! I’m sorry, Miss—I mean, Quanxi.”

Names have always been important to you; hers isn’t any different. But as her name rolls off your tongue, you find that you like how it feels. Familiar, like you’ve been saying it for years. In the back of your mind, you wonder if she knows your name—she hasn’t uttered it once since she spotted you outside the bar.

Somehow, that makes you sadder than you should be.

“You live alone?” she asks. Your mind goes blank for a moment. Is she interested in you? No, that can’t be. She’s just making conversation. She probably pities you for the fact that you’re the only one doing the talking.

“I do. Have been since I was seventeen,” you say, cutting off your train of thought before it gets worse. “I don’t have a girlfriend either.”

You don’t realise what you’ve blurted out until Quanxi hums curiously.

Why did you say that? Why do you say anything?

“You don’t?”

“No,” you mumble. You avert your gaze to the side, nervousness taking hold of you once more. “Are you… Interested? In me?”

When you finally look back at her, her face is only inches away from yours. You stare at her wide-eyed. A myriad of emotions swirls deep in your chest as you stutter and stammer, your lips parting then closing like a fish out of water.

“Maybe,” she answers, and the apology you were going to say dies on your tongue.

Your heart is threatening to burst out of your chest with how fast it thumps in the confines of your ribcage. Despite the winter outside, it feels hot—you feel hot, like you’re standing by a burning flame. You think you’ve short-circuited when she gently tilts your head up with her fingers and leans in to kiss you with a softness usually reserved for a lover.

And because you never think twice, you don’t hesitate to comply when she urges you to sit on her lap. Your arms wrap around her neck and it doesn’t take long before the kiss turns more heated, before you start grinding against her. Cold digits trail across your skin and crawl between your thighs, smoothly unbuttoning your trousers to reveal what they’re searching for.

Hesitantly, you pull away to catch your breath. You can hardly understand what’s happening, and maybe you don’t have to, but there’s a deep longing to hear it directly from her.

“Miss Quanxi!” Whatever you’re trying to say gets interrupted with a gasp as her fingers dip past the waistband of your panties. “What are you—”

“Helping you relax,” she replies nonchalantly. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how tense you’ve been since we got here.”

You’re not sure you can handle seeing how attentively she’s watching your expressions right now, so you squeeze your eyes shut. It doesn’t help, not when you can feel everything at once, from her heated expression to her sinfully adept fingers.

There’s a voice in the back of your mind telling you that this is wrong, unfair, but when she brushes over a spot that has you shivering against her hand, the thought ebbs away like it was never there at all.

You don’t want her to stop.

Maybe the strange heavy feeling within your chest is just anxiety from not being in a situation like this for a long time. Maybe it’s what your classmates used to call ‘butterflies in your stomach’ because you’re with someone you admire. Reason slips out of your reach with every curl of her fingers against your walls, and it’s almost embarrassing how quickly you’re reaching the edge. The sight of her doing something to you that only lovers do to each other isn’t helping your case, either.

Her name leaves your lips in a pathetic whine. “Quanxi—”

“Let go,” she murmurs, her lips brushing against your cheek, “Let me take care of you.”

Your orgasm washes over you like the sea crashes against the shore, rendering you breathless and teary-eyed from how overwhelming everything feels. She doesn’t relent until you weakly wrap your hand around her wrist in a poor attempt to stop her from breaking you any further. She eventually pulls her hand away and brings her fingers up to your mouth, imperceptibly smiling at how you take them in without question. Seemingly satisfied, she withdraws and lets you slump against her body, tuckered out and boneless.

“Look at you,” she coos, her voice dripping with endearment. She’s probably used to saying these things and getting these reactions, and as bitter as you may feel about it, they have your heart racing nonetheless. You’re not used to praise. In your entire life, you’ve only been satisfactory, yet here she is praising you for doing nothing except surrender yourself to her. You part your lips to speak, only to be interrupted.

“Don’t worry about me.”

It’s almost worrisome how she can tell what’s on your mind so effortlessly. With a huff, you bury your face in the crook of her shoulder. You doubt you can look her in the eye without saying or doing something embarrassing.

“But…” you mumble out.

“I can take care of myself.”

You frown, though you don’t argue with the finality in her tone. Your body gradually relaxes as she runs her fingers up and down the length of your spine. It’s getting difficult to stay awake when you feel so sated, so safe. Eventually, without realising it, your blinking slows down and you start to drift off in her arms, growing blissfully unaware of the world around you.

—

You wake up in your bed dressed in yesterday’s clothes.

Quanxi must’ve carried you here before she left. Your vision slowly adjusts to the change in lighting as you look out the window by your side. It seems that people have already gotten their day started, judging from the cars moving down the road and the dogs barking in response to the disturbance they bring. You’re groggy and your thoughts are unclear, leaving you more wearied than you’d normally be. A dull ache rings in your head, growing stronger when you push yourself out of bed and trudge to the bathroom to freshen up.

Your mind feels like it’s shrouded with fog. You’re beginning to think going to the bar yesterday was a mistake. You tend not to dwell too much on the consequences of what you do, only what satisfies you in that moment. It’s a bad habit you can’t seem to get rid of. But it’s far too early to think—in fact, you’d rather not do it at all—so you clumsily grab the shower valve and let the water wash away yesterday’s events. It takes a couple of tries to find it, but you make it nonetheless. A curse escapes you at the unexpected cold that has you jolting awake against your will. You suppose you did need that rude awakening.

The word ‘mistake’ seems to echo in your mind louder and louder as you struggle to properly button up your shirt with sluggish hands. You’re pretty sure one of your socks is mismatched, but you don’t really have the energy to change them. You glance at the bottle of painkillers in your cabinet. You never quite liked taking these things even if they’re supposed to help you. You didn’t like having ‘too much’ in your system. A bit ironic, considering all the supplements and medication you’ve had in your lifetime.

Bitterly, you take them. You can’t have something so inane affect your efficiency at work.

The headquarters is already busy when you arrive. Camaraderie isn’t a thing here, so the atmosphere already feels stiff and awkward. You suppose it’s reasonable, having gone through a few losses yourself. In a world like this, you simply can’t get attached to anyone. You shouldn’t. After all, they can be ripped out of your hands, ripped apart until the only proof of their existence is their blood stained on your skin. It’s not ‘hating the world’ or ‘being unapproachable;’ it’s a way to protect the other person. In a way, it protects you too.

Your mind reels back to last night now that you’re more awake. The way she held you. The way she just knew your body like the back of her hand. The way she kissed you. Only lovers touch each other like that, your mother used to tell you, but you’re not lovers even if it felt like it. The intimate moments you shared threaten to bring tears to your eyes as they play through your mind again like a film reel. The memory of her lips against your skin, of her holding you as if you were made of porcelain. They’re likely nothing to her, but they’re everything to you.

So how are you meant to brush off something like that so easily? When you’ve never had or let anyone touch you in such a way? What is it about her that had you caving in without a second thought? What is it about her that has your emotions going into overdrive?

The coffee nearly burns your tongue and leaves behind a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. Now isn’t the time to be thinking about this. And sure, maybe the coffee wasn’t a good idea either, but what does it matter? All you have to do is work, hopefully stay alive, and come back to a boring life after a long day of saving the city. What happened last night was only a one-time thing. There’s no reason to mull over it again.

You unceremoniously toss the paper cup into the trash. Coffee was not a good idea.

The day, although surprisingly uneventful, is spent writing reports and being in the worst mood you’ve ever been in. Thankfully you didn’t need to talk to anyone, save for Kishibe who dropped by earlier to see if you were still alive.’ It was oddly kind of him to do. You’re more used to him being distant or plain merciless like he was to the chainsaw boy and the blood fiend. It’s nice to have someone look for you, think of you, even if it’s for such a grim reason.

You were tidying up for the day when your coworker approached you with a smile on her face. ‘Do you wanna come get drinks with us?’ she had asked. Seeing as you didn’t have plans for the rest of the evening—you never do—you agreed. A couple of drinks won’t hurt.

It’s not that difficult to spot your colleagues and seniors in the izakaya. It’s hard to miss them, actually, when one of them is excitedly calling your name and waving you over. They’re already drunk. You understand them, you think. You generally dislike feeling inebriated and what comes after, but with the current path you’re on, it’s the only source of comfort you have.

You grimace. You really have become your father.

The table is cluttered with beer cans and unfinished plates of snacks. Kishibe sits silently in the corner. He’s opted to bring his own drink this time around and barely acknowledges you with a glance. There are a couple other seniors you don’t recognise. With a bow that feels more perfunctory than it does respectful, you greet them and quietly slide into the booth.

Quanxi sits across from you, calm and collected like always. She doesn’t say hello to you with the same enthusiasm that her colleagues had, though she does nod and subtly raise her glass at you. Flustered, you blink, you purse your lips, and then finally you get it together and smile at her, the same way one would when seeing an old friend. Sure, that isn’t what she is, she’s just your senior, but you’d rather stay on her good side. You’ve seen how she dealt with that Hirofumi boy when they both came back last year. As attractive as you found it, you also don’t want to end up being someone she regards coldly.

You shake your head. Why are you worrying so much about what she’d think of you? All she did was acknowledge your presence. Luckily, one of your colleagues (someone you recognise, thank god) notices you and starts to ask all about your day. It’s enough to keep you busy. It’s also surprising you aren’t drained yet, considering how much more talkative they are compared to you.

“This is why I’m trying to help you out of your shell!” they playfully chide once you trail off, feeling self-conscious. “We want to get to know you better! Don’t be shy. Come on, tell me. What have you been up to?”

“I’ve been—”

Whatever phrase you were thinking of immediately goes forgotten when you feel someone’s foot brush against your ankle. You’re nearly seized with panic before you make eye contact with Quanxi and realise that it’s her doing. Somehow, it doesn’t do much to calm your racing heart. She seems so nonchalant, casually smoking her cigarette as if she isn’t threatening to make a mess of you with something so simple.

They furrow their eyebrows in concern. “You okay?”

“Y-Yeah! Sorry,” you reply sheepishly. “I’ve been… well, busy. There’s a lot of backlog I still need to catch up on.”

Quanxi doesn’t do much after that, something you’re thankful for. Perhaps she took pity on you. Tearing your gaze away from her, you turn back to your colleague with a strained smile. You hope they won’t notice how you’ve tensed up and how your smile doesn’t reach your eyes.

“W-What about you?”

It’s even more surprising that you can still speak while feeling so tongue-tied. Your conversation partner starts to chatter away, talking about everything and nothing, which you try your best to stay invested in. It makes for quite a good distraction, and Quanxi doesn’t tease you again until your colleagues begin to leave one by one. Until you’re eventually left alone with her.

You bite the inside of your cheek nervously. Her surprising you earlier could’ve been an accident, so nothing is stopping you from going home. You should go home. It’s not like she wants you to stay, right? She’s probably waiting for you to leave so she can do the same thing. You try to think of a polite way to excuse yourself, but nothing comes to mind and the words are stuck in the back of your throat.

“You’re thinking too much.”

You’re sober. Sober enough to be able to function, but not enough to notice that Quanxi has moved to sit next to you with her hand on your thigh. She leans in close to press a kiss to your neck, an invitation. A promise. You watch as her lithe fingers teasingly skim across your inner thigh, dancing dangerously close to your core. Your eyes remain on her hand, how it feels pressed against you, so warm and perfect—

“Not here,” you breathe, “H-Home.”

The night passes by in a blur. Before you know it, she has you on her bed, your cheeks flushed and your clothes torn from your body. Everything feels warmer, stronger, and you don’t know if it’s because you’re tipsy or if it’s because you’re pent up, but it doesn’t matter. You can’t think of anything, not when she keeps taking your breath away time and time again with every roll of her hips. Moans and broken syllables of her name leave your lips, doused in lust and whatever remaining modesty you have left.

Once isn’t enough for her. Your thighs are trembling as she pushes you into the blankets, keeping a tight grip on your shoulder as the sound of her thighs slapping against yours fills the room. The lewd noises leaving your body make your cheeks burn, and you wonder if she can feel how warm they are against her thighs when she finally lets you return the favour with your tongue. You’re sloppy and unpracticed, you know you are, but when she says your name and tells you that you’re so good for her, your heart soars.

Eager to please, you stay for what feels like an hour before she has you on your back and her fingers inside you once again. She doesn’t stop until you’re a teary-eyed, trembling mess beneath her. She doesn’t stop until your voice is hoarse from how loud you’ve been. Sleep comes easy to you that night; once more, you nestle close to her side and drift off, completely spent. The same way you did last night; only this time, she doesn’t hold you.

She’s gone by the time you wake up, and her taste lingers on your tongue as you leave her apartment feeling satiated but hollow.

—

You don’t know when meeting up with Quanxi just to fuck became a regular thing, but it did.

It’s a bad idea. You know it is. Even fucking worse now that you realise that you’re no longer doing this for sexual pleasure. You’re doing it for her affection, even if it only comes with her hand around your throat or between your thighs. You know it’s a bad idea when you always leave her place feeling used. Emotions have never been your strong suit—you’re not made to think, you’re made to do—but the whirlwind and the paradox have set you a few steps back. From what, you don’t know; all you know is that you can’t move on without her, without something more from her.

It bothers you how you both go back to work and act like you don’t know each other. It bothers you how she doesn’t even notice you when you happen to walk by. It bothers you how she feels so distant even though everything you’ve ever done with her has been things only lovers do. It bothers you how much you feel like you need her to satisfy you in more ways than what she’s currently doing. It’s not meant to be something serious. You’ve known that the moment she kissed you.

A distraction is all you are. A vice, like her drinks and her cigarettes and the other women. Something she has readily available to her, and because it’s Quanxi, you let it happen. You think she’s worth the turmoil in your mind. Why wouldn’t she be? She knows your body like the back of her hand, knows what you like, knows what you need. You’ll grin and bear it, accept the love she gives you on sleepless nights, and come whenever she calls.

Work has been busy enough for the past week or two. You were sent on a mission to somewhere in the south, ordered to exterminate a cluster of fiends and granted temporary leave after one of them managed to give you a nearly fatal wound. You don’t think she even knows that you were at the hospital until you had enough blood in your veins to heal again. It’s fine. Of course it is. She’s as busy as you are, if not more, and she has her own things to worry about.

You haven’t seen her in a while. Not at work, not at the bar you frequent. It harrows and relieves you at the same time because you feel her wherever you go. You walk in crowds hoping that she’ll be among them. You stay out hours after the work day ends hoping that you’ll bump into her. You keep your ears open hoping that you’ll hear something about her, or if you’re lucky enough, hear her calling your name. You don’t know how she’s woven her existence into your life this much, nor do you know what you want from her. But it’s not that necessary to put a stop to something you need, is it?

It’s fine if she doesn’t need you for anything else beyond sex. It’s fine that your love (is it even so?) goes unreciprocated. It’s fine if you feel cold in her embrace, and it’s fine that she’ll never be yours the same way you are hers. If this is a ‘bad idea,’ then you’ll make the most out of it—anything to keep you happy, anything to please her.

As long as she still knows your name, and as long as she still wants you, it’s enough.

It’s a particularly rough day when you leave an abandoned building with blood on your sleeves. You know your job isn’t done yet. There are reports you have to write, some civilians you need to check on, but you’re not confident that you can keep your impatience and anger under control. You’re tired, miserable, and you’re wondering if those pills do help you or if you’ve been lied to again. A cold shower and coffee weren’t enough to wake you this morning. The so-called soothing balm did nothing to heal the ache in your neck, and things went downhill insanely quickly. Today’s mission was the worst one you’ve ever had. You couldn’t save your partner in time. Their life was syphoned out of their body as they cried—no, begged you to help them, and all you could do was watch it happen.

The weight of your sword on your back feels heavier when you think of your failure today. A good craftsman never blames his tools. Can you say the same thing about yourself? Your weapon is an extension of you. The blade hasn’t dulled, but you have. It makes you feel even worse to know that you aren’t competent at the one thing you can do. If you were, you could’ve saved your partner, the one before that, and the others you lost along the way. Their blood will always be on your hands no matter how much you clean them. You’re quite sure there’s still a splatter on your shirt, but you are so, so tired. Stains are the least of your concerns.

The path to the bar is more familiar than it should be. You can barely register the worried and fearful glances people send you as you walk by them, exhausted and dishevelled. Hell, the bartender isn’t even shocked when you take a seat. He’s seen you more times than he can count. Not as many while you’re looking this beat up, though he takes it well enough. Wordlessly, he brings you your regular order. He doesn’t bother you again after that.

The burn barely fazes you anymore. You settle down the glass a bit harder than you should’ve, making you wince. You don’t want another thing to go wrong today. Quite frankly, you just want it all to be over, so you can retire, rest and visit the places you’ve always wanted to go to. Maybe get married, have a family, or adopt a pet. What a normal entails isn’t that known anymore. You’ll take anything at this point.

“Rough day?”

Quanxi leans on her side against the counter, running her gaze up and down your form. It should make you feel embarrassed, what with the current state you’re in, but you don’t think you can even care anymore.

You chuckle humorlessly. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”

It doesn’t occur to you until moments later that this is your first time seeing her in weeks. A part of you feels relieved to know that she’s fine, she’s here, and another part of you is in disbelief that she still wants to talk to you despite the state you’re in. You can’t decide whether that’s endearing or pitiable.

“Wanna talk about it?”

You’ve already made several bad decisions, what’s another one going to do? You can drink the whole night, or you can do something that’ll make you feel good and forget for a little while. You cut to the chase, staring down into the glass. “My place or yours?”

She blinks, bewildered, then she speaks up again, “You can come to mine.”

The world doesn’t come back to you until you’re in her apartment again, already out of breath as you try to keep up with her hungry kisses. They’re addicting, borderline overwhelming, but you always crave for more, more, more. Her hands are on your hips and tonight she touches you with a gentleness that wasn’t present in your other trysts. Her touches are featherlight, treating your body like it’s made out of glass, and for some reason unknown to you, it’s more than enough to make you break into tears.

You pull her closer, your arms wrapped around her waist as you sob into her shoulder. She doesn’t say anything, only rubs soothing circles on your back and lets you cry your heart out. Conflicting feelings make their way into your heart, holding it tight within its suffocating grasp. You want her to say something, but at the same time, you don’t. You want to ignore everything, have her make you forget, but you also don’t want to.

Then you can finally breathe. Your cries turn into sniffles. Your breathing is shakier than it should be, but it gradually calms down. Her collar is stained with your tears, marked with your vulnerability, your weakness. It’s hard to speak. The silence kills you inside, breaks down every wall you’ve put up around you. You crumble before her, your nails lightly digging into her back as she gently lays you down on the bed. You’re still holding on to her when she tries to get up.

“I’ll get you some water,” she says. You think it’s the softest she’s ever sounded. Your hand lingers on hers for a moment before you reluctantly let her go, too worn out to ask or argue.

When she comes back, she crawls into her side of the bed. No words are shared as you curl up close to her. Her heartbeat steadily lulls you to sleep while she pulls you closer with her hand on your back, tucking your head beneath her chin.

And just like last time and the time before that, you wake up alone.

Your head hurts. Your body aches all over, hurting with the smallest movement, but you manage. Some water spills when you drink, which you haphazardly wipe away with the back of your hand. The clock on the wall tells you that you’re late for work, but you’re far too weary to move. Instead, you nestle deeper into the blankets, blankly staring at the nightstand as the city continues to live without you.

She didn’t leave you a note. Why would she? She’s not your lover; she doesn’t have to tell you anything. There’s a sense of urgency in the back of you should leave too. That there’s a busy day ahead of you, there are people and families you need to get in touch with, and there’s some loose ends that you need to tie up. It will get worse the longer you stall, and yet, you can’t bring yourself to care about it.

You don’t feel anything. You want to feel happy, angry, sad, anything, but you just can’t. Not when you’re on your own and the only company you have is the quiet. You don’t feel anything unless you’re in pain. You don’t feel anything unless you drink until you black out. But with Quanxi, you feel alive. With her, you don’t feel like a machine. You don’t feel like a killer, stained in the blood of those you failed to save. You’re someone she likes, at least enough to keep around for as long as she has. You’re someone she looks for when she needs you.

It’s not love. You know it isn’t. You don’t think she’ll ever love you the same way you love her. You’re not that oblivious to ignore what this truly is—pure unadulterated lust and desire, something to relieve stress whenever it arises. Days ago you cried until you had nothing left because you wanted more. Now, you just ignore it all. If it makes you feel good in the moment, makes you feel like you’re worth something, who are you to deny it?

You know you make bad decisions, ones that lead you to consequences you deal with alone like this one. You don’t care anymore. You never think twice. It’s just how you’ve always been.

You never think twice, but as the bed gets colder, you wonder if it’s about time you did.

[iamthekaijuking]

Assorted Armored Core 6 thoughts

1: Iguazu as a character is just so fucking funny to me. Like here’s this pathetic little petty piece of shit who wants to be hot stuff but isn’t due to his own personal faults, and gets mad when he’s inevitably shown up. And then you come along and are better than him (which isn’t a high bar… I mean come on even his AC build is less than optimal) and for some reason that makes him lose his shit and now he hates you so much he’s willing to kill himself if it means killing you. Of all the people that broke him it was you, C4 621, Waltuh’s favorite little vegetable lobotomite. Michigan should have technically gotten that hatred out of him but no it’s you he hates.

2: I’ve seen some talk about what the “mealworms” the rubiconians eat are, and a lot of people think they’re tardigrades mutated by Coral, but I’d have to disagree. Coral isn’t a mutative substance, it’s just some anaerobic alien algae that explodes real good and can act like a supercomputer when in groups. It also might have a biochemistry toxic to humans since it can get us high and areas exposed to coral explosions are contaminated in some way, but it’s never been stated to directly tamper with genes. The anatomy of the mealworms also doesn’t match tardigrades that well and they only have a passing resemblance to them (their mouth anatomy is closer to that of a lamprey or hagfish, and they have too many legs). I think the mealworms might instead be alien fauna, but ones not native to rubicon that were instead brought in as livestock. Why not native to rubicon? Well the only other multicellular organisms we see in game are trees and grass that were almost certainly bought to rubicon by humans, and while rubicon 3 seems to be within the Goldilocks zone from its sun it’s definitely on the farther end of the spectrum. Every area (aside from grid, Xylem, underground, and atmospheric areas) has snow, except for where the Strider is seen, which is a desert. But desert doesn’t equal heat, it just means it’s a very dry place. Rubicon 3 might also not have a moon and we don’t know anything about its magnetosphere. Basically what I’m trying to say that rubicon 3 is a pretty tough place to live, and while multicellular life isn’t an impossibly given its conditions, it seems that the planet might only have microbial life.

3: A sort of follow up to the mealworm thing, but it seems like in the AC 6 universe humanity has discovered alien life, but never sapient ones. Any race other than humans is never mentioned, and coral is of human interest not because it’s an alien organism, but because it can act as a superfuel. Mealworms are likely also aliens. If this is all true then Coral might be the first truly sapient race encountered by humanity… and we’ve been using it as fuel and already almost rendered it extinct once… oops.

[pavel-chekov-appreciator]

I want better for Sybok.

I want a world where he got a fighting chance to do anything but become a cult leader. I’ve seen aus where he becomes a counselor and I can’t stop thinking about it.

No gods, no Sha-Ka-Ree, no cult. Just a kid who knows his history. Who researches Surak, and the world before him, and finds himself dissatisfied with present day Vulcan’s interpretations of his teachings. Unable to see the logic in following one ancient man’s words with no additional input or thought. Is this truly the best way for them to live? His mother didn't think so. He doesn't think so either.

He’s young, and he has big ideas and a lot of charisma, and a lot of inner pain from losing his mother and being suddenly told the way she was raising him was wrong. He quickly earns a reputation as a troublemaker. Indulging in blatant displays of emotionalism, just to prove his point, that he smiled and nothing bad happened, he cried and he felt better after.

He’s dissatisfied and ostracized and convinced there’s a better way to be living.

He fucks off at 18-not quite banished, but so strongly encouraged to leave that he might as well have been-and goes to a college on Earth, because the federation is a post-scarcity society so he has his basic needs met and he just wants to figure himself out, and where better to do that than a college campus, as far away from Vulcan society as possible. On his step-mother's home planet, where he knows at least a little of the culture, the language, what to expect.

He sees the school counselor a lot, and gets a lot out of their sessions. Takes some psychology courses and ends up getting really passionate about it.

Teaches himself to embrace his emotions while acknowledging that it’s very easy to be ruled by them. Utilizes aspects of traditional Vulcan control combined with the human practice of mindfulness to understand his emotions and control his strong impulse to act on them, without completely rejecting them. Knows he is choosing not to control his emotions, but he can and should control the actions he takes in response to them to avoid hurting himself or others. Knows that understanding why he feels a certain way can help him understand himself better.

Lives his best life and studies psychology to help other people find the same joy and peace he has, in whatever form that takes for them.

Then he finds out his baby bro basically told the VSA to fuck off and that dad more or less disowned him for joining Starfleet. Feels so damn proud of him for standing up the their parents like that.

Reunites with his brother after years of separation.

It’s rocky at first, but after both being disowned they’re all the family the other has left now, and they both do really care about each other.

Spock doesn’t understand Sybok’s choices, but he doesn’t need to understand them to respect them; Sybok is clearly still exercising some degree of control over himself, he even still meditates, he’s just controlling himself less, and differently, and his mind is more at peace than it’s ever been before. Sybok doesn’t really understand Spock’s continued dedication to logic either, but he respects it too, because clearly it still means something to Spock in a big way.

They make peace with each other, and their differences, and with the fact that their parents and society have rejected them. That Sybok did everything “wrong” and Spock did everything “right” and yet they both ended up in the same place; on Earth, with mom ignoring their calls, because she loved them both but she loves her husband more.

And ultimately he enrolls in Starfleet medical to become a ships counselor, because he still takes great joy in doing things he knows dad would hate, and because he wants to specialize in trauma and grief counseling and Starships need a lot of that, and because getting a new perspective on life from being around humans helped him a lot and he’s rejected a lot of philosophy that he found unhelpful but IDIC is something he still believes in; he wants to be around as many different ideas and perspectives as he can to improve himself and his practice, and Starfleet is a great way to do that.

Getting to follow his only remaining family into space is just a bonus.

[kkat-astrophic]

please ramble to me about hinazumi i’ve never met someone who shipped this specific pairing so hard and i need to Know i need to experience this too

OH MY FUCKING GOD IVE WAITED FOR THIS DAY TO COME THANK YOU SO MUCH MOOTIE MWAH!!!

Hinazumi is in my eyes, the PERFECT AMAZING AWESOMEST ship of sdr2. I can understand why you'd like other ships though.

For starters, many people assume it's a rarepair because they haven't many interactions in the main game, with Mahirus death early on and all. I feel like if she lived longer this would totally flesh out the relationship, and she would be a sort of Chiaki kind of character, but we already have a Chiaki, so bye bye Mahiru *hits with a metal bat*

Spoilers from her on I guess

The main reason I ship this is because of mahirus ftes, if you play all of them in order you'll see EXACTLY what I mean.

"MAHIRUS A LESBIAN MAHIRUS A LESBIAN!" No??? She loves Saionji, yes, but she also has canonical attraction towards Hajime.

In her Ftes she starts as a tsundere. Well she's a tsundere until she dies, and technically I'm pretty sure hajime is too.

As the time she spends with Hinata grows, so does the personal connection that they have. Mahiru reveals that she had a bad father figure and her mother got her into photography, this shows that Mahiru doesn't really hate males at all. She just dislikes laziness and because of her father's actions in her mind all males are lazy. (This is entirely different to Tenko by the way).

Mahiru begins to act nervous in her final FTE and Hajime asks her if she's alright, she tells him that it'd be better to "do it" somewhere better and so she takes him to a beach.

Hajime pretty much assumes that its a confession of love and Mahiru tells him "no nevermind ill tell you when we're off the island" and with that they begin to take photos.

As they do so she promises that she will give him her camera once she gets off the island, which is because she trusts him (gift giving is a love language is it not? And based on Mahirus experience with other men it all seems to match - she assumes men are greedy and lazy, so if she liked one itd only make sense to give them something)

She also says that photos are the best way to see people, and that Hajime taking a photo of Mahiru is the equivalent to how he sees her as a person. This is both personality-wise and physically. She seems disappointed (something along the lines of "wow am I really that bland") which is something that usually wouldnt bother her because she's all about hard work and less about presentation.

Hajime promises to get off the island with her and be friends together, and then the FTE ends. That chapter she dies. That's very doomed isn't it? Like... danganronpa doomed lovers? Like?????

Anyway, throughout the game Hajime never loses his temper at mahiru for assuming things (but he does with Nagito) which might be a possibility to show his affection towards her.

Im also pretty sure they have interactions in the dr3 anime which I haven't seen.

I haven't played the games in a while so this is all from memory, but that's all the Canon proof of the main game that i can think of to why I ship Hinazumi.

I totally respect people who ship komahina, hinanami, mahiruxhiyoko, mahiruxsato etcetera. But hinazumi is just adorable and she should've lived longer to get the development she needed.

Its such a fun fluffy ship that I'd totally reccomend getting into. And her ftes make her a much more likeable character so check those out if you can!

[clownsnake]

guys. Astarion wasn’t literally considered a child when he was 30. Among elves he was clearly seen as Of Age to do adult things like drink and live independently and fuck and pay taxes. its just that elves have a stupid extra concept of adulthood that doesn’t MEAN adulthood in a literal sense. has nothing to do with physical or brain development. not even necessarily emotional development, but it kind of is depending on how u interpret it, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

basically elves in the forgotten realms trance instead of sleep (we know this) and until around age 110, during their trances they “dream” of their past lives (I’ve only seen a few ppl who know this, but idk if they also knew it stops at a certain age). They then stop dreaming of their past lives naturally, and it’s generally considered kinda traumatic to go through bc well. you’re losing what has been a fundamental part of yourself for so long.

I interpret that as being like a “shared trauma maturation stage” where instead of elves brains literally becoming more adult, losing the guidance of their past lives feels like more of a final step towards independence to them. and adulthood is just the closest social experience to this stage of being “truly on your own”

around 30-40 they get a “first reflection”, which is when their dreams start having experiences from their current life. (Makes sense for Astarion having a dream about Cazador in origin runs that prompts the biting scene) And then the loss of past life memories at 100-110 is called the drawing of the veil.

Tl;dr Astarion was a young adult by elf standards stop infantilizing him PLEASE

Getting into headcanon land now, feel free to draw your own conclusions from here.

i imagine older elves kind of have a sense of being more “mature” than under-110 elves in the way tht people comparing their trauma tend to do. Like “u think ur so smart and worldly but you haven’t even been through half the shit I’ve been through.” PATRONIZING that’s the word I’m looking for, it’s patronizing. And since every elf goes through this, they just kind of assume that yeah, going through this trauma/emotional loss IS a big step towards being a full adult. so it’s like if the concept of adult had a Pokémon evolution that didn’t involve getting wrinkly and hair loss and going through menopause or erectyle dysfunction. Adult 1.5 steam update.

I have no clue if Astarion would have the drawing of the veil as an undead elf. The fact that he even has dreams shows that being revived as a vampire keeps certain bodily functions running, mainly anything relating to the brain and consciousness, but idk if it would keep him physically at 30 or let his brain change.

Although hold on, in the epilogue where you’re a mind flayer and considering eating Astarions brain, you get narration that’s like “ooohh his brain part that handles senses must be sooo wrinkly” which would only be caused by the shit he went through post-vampirification. Meaning his brain Would be able to change and “mature”. But that’s also just an assumption that mindflayer!tav/durge is making.

k I looked it up. The exact quote is “Astarion’s sweet brain may be a bit less wrinkled than the rest, but you hunger for its teasing cells. His parietal lobe - which controls his sense of touch - will be an aphrodisiac in your maw.” Hilarious, he canonically gets called smooth brain. Anyway if u kill him I don’t think you get to eat his brain, withers just banishes you asap lmao. So we don’t actually know if his parietal lobe changed over his un-life! I’d wager it did though, based on his “don’t touch me” selection line (and probably some other lines hinting towards over-sensitivity tht im forgetting). And change caused by external trauma vs change caused by aging is different anyway.

no conclusion wrt to if he’d reach the drawing of the veil or not. Does it even matter? He’s still the same adult man, who’s gone through far worse hardships than losing memories of his past lives. If he lost his past life dreams too, well then I don’t think that’d make much of a difference for him.

[pattypanini]

Lay All Your Love On Me

Chapter 12- Triple Threat

Josh Kiszka x Reader and Jake Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 6.1k

TAGLIST

AN: Hi everyone! Long time no see, lol. But fr it has been too long and Marley and I have been so sad that we haven't been able to write as much. We're sorry for how late this is but so happy to get the twelfth chapter out finally. We're trying to find a good schedule for writing over the summer so bare with us. Thank you so much for your patience, we love you all so much and couldn't do this without your support 💗. So enjoy the twelfth chapter, Triple Threat.

Warnings: 18+, SMUT, penetrative sex, threesome (NO INCEST,) oral (f and m receiving), sex toys, butt stuff, cursing, angst, dirty talk, praise, possessiveness.

Josh’s POV

It’s been four days since you’d found out about it. You hadn’t bothered texting her or talking to her. She’d been calling out sick from rehearsals, even though you’ve seen her walking around campus. So you’ve been stuck with Sophia as her understudy.

You know you hurt her, but she hurt you far more. She can be the first one to contact you again, whenever she is ready. You can’t lie though, you have been missing her. 

You are currently walking back to your apartment with your AirPods stuck in your ears. You’re trying your best to drown out your own thoughts. You’ve been swimming around in your head delving way too deep within these last few days.

When you finally push the key into the door and walk in you’re met with Jake sitting there in silence. 

“Josh, we need to talk.” He looks up at you from the couch. 

“No. I don’t want to fucking talk to you Jake. Just give me some space.” You spit back at him. 

“You can’t just keep putting it off. We need to talk this out, man to man.” You roll your eyes and bring yourself into the living room. “Listen you can’t be mad at y/n because of this, it was all my fault I wanted her and you guys weren’t together.”

“We were still something Jake, and you knew that.” You narrow your eyes at him as you clench your fists into tight balls. 

“Then maybe if you felt that way you should have made it official sooner. She was happy with both of us man, it’s over now between us so just move on with it. She clearly loves you Josh. Has she reached out to you yet?” 

“No not yet, and I don’t plan on reaching out to her.”

“Why not, you know she's the one for you. I’ve never seen you so happy Josh, seriously. And when she was around me it wasn’t as nearly as happy as when she was with you. She lit up and looked like she had no worries.”

You never realized how she acted around you. You think for a second before you finally come to your senses.

“Clearly I wasn’t enough because she ran off to your dumbass,” You roll your eyes at him. 

“Like I said, maybe she just wanted a little fun in her life while she was still single. She did say if she could have us both she would…” He trails off and thinks to himself. “...hey Josh.”

“What?” You say with a deep sigh not wanting to hear whatever he’s about to say.

“What if she could have both of us, you know…for a night?”

“Jake-” you abruptly cut him off. 

“I know what you're about to say and I know we said we weren’t going to do it again but…”

“I don’t know Jake. What would I be gaining from it?” You give him a pointed look. 

“What do you have to lose? You’ll have a fun night with her and you know she’d like it. Just one time and I’ll be out of your guy's life.”

“I feel like this is just for you, Jake. You just want one more time with her.” “I mean it would be a benefit but it would clear the air and make things less awkward. It’ll be like a therapy type of thing you know? Closure?” 

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You make your way to your room and collapse onto your bed. You don’t know what to think. It’s not like you and Jake hadn’t done it before. You would never tell people that but sophomore year a girl that we were both talking to begged us to have a threesome with her. You both talked it over, and maybe it was the alcohol that you both had in your system, but the more you talked it over it made sense. So you made plans with the girl over the weekend and gave her the time of her life. She swore to never share and you never heard anything of it again. 

And it wasn’t that you were against the idea of doing it again. It was the idea of Jake being able to get with y/n again. You didn’t know if you were ready to see that happen. But maybe it will relieve some tension between everyone. Jake would be out of y/n’s life, and maybe you could rekindle things with y/n. 

You hate thinking about her, after everything that happened. But she has such control over you. And you hate that, but you need her, even after everything that happened.

You are debating sending her a text message to check in on her. You feel bad for ignoring her the past few days. But you needed the space, and so did she obviously. Your feelings cave in on you and you pull your phone out from your pocket. 

You pull up her message thread and just stare at the texts for a moment, debating if you really wanted to do this or your emotions were just getting the best of you. You think about what you were going to even say. It felt like the first time you’ve ever texted her again, not knowing if she would even give you the time of day. But you needed to try, you didn’t want to lose her. 

So, you come up with the best response you could think of. Not too pushy but also being assertive. 

5:23pm Josh: Hey Y/n, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, but I really want to talk to you, and see you. I miss you.

You reread the message probably 20 times before clicking the send button. You try to distract yourself but you can’t help but look back to see if she saw it or not. After an hour goes by, a notification pops up on your phone. 

6:31pm Y/n: What do you want?

6:32pm Josh: I wanted to talk to you. I miss you a lot, mama. 

6:44pm Y/n: I don’t really know what to say to you. 

6:47pm Josh: Y/n, I’m really concerned about you. You keep missing rehearsals and things are not going well with Sophia as your understudy. This musical is very important to me, but it’s going to go to shit if you don’t start coming to rehearsals again. 

6:52pm Y/n: Really?! All you fucking care about is whether I show up to the rehearsals? You don’t care about my wellbeing or why I’m not going to them?

6:54pm Josh: Well…I know you’re not going because you’d have to see me. 

6:56pm Y/n: Have you even given one thought about the awful things you said to me the other night? Calling me a bitch and a slut? Calling me those things is not okay in the slightest. 

She was right, it wasn’t okay. You’ve always struggled with saying things you didn’t mean when you were angry. 

6:59pm Josh: Look, I’m really sorry. I was committed to you in my head and I realize we were never actually dating. I said some things I did not mean at all. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. 

7:05pm Y/n: Even though you thought we were committed you didn’t act committed either. You were all over Sophia TO MY FACE to make me jealous. I just wanted someone to treat me right and I didn’t show it off to you. I know what I did wasn’t necessarily right but we were never together. I told you that I needed to tie up loose ends and you understood that, it was only until you found out it was your brother you had a problem. So what is it, me being with someone or your brother?

7:09pm Josh: I didn't want anyone to see you in that way, while we were hooking up, but finding out it was my twin brother? Yeah, it did make it sting a little more.

7:11pm Y/n: I still want you Josh. The night you said that out relationship was fucked I almost died on the spot. I cried the entire night thinking about how much I fucked up, then those flowers showed up. I just want to be with you, and I wanna be yours.

7:13pm Josh: I know mama, I want you to be mine too. Do you forgive me sweet girl? 

7:15pm Y/n: I think so

7:17pm Josh: Do you want me to come over later?

7:19pm Y/n: Yes, please come over. How does 9 sound?

7:20pm Josh: Sounds perfect, I’ll see you then.

You sit up from your bed, pleasantly surprised with how well that conversation went. You roll off the mattress and make your way to the living room, where Jake was. 

He looks up at you from the couch. “I texted her.” You say blankly. 

“Okay… what did she say?” Jake asks, suddenly very interested in the conversation.

“Well we talked and we both apologized for everything. Although I don’t like the idea of you being with her I wasn’t with her officially at the time because I was a pussy and didn’t do it earlier. But I’m going to see her tonight and I didn’t mention the idea to her or anything but…”

“Yes I wanna come. What time?” You see him perk up, sitting up straighter. 

“9 o’clock.” You weren’t too thrilled but decided this needed to end once and for all. 

“I’ll be there.” He says pointedly. 

Y/n’s POV

You hop out of the shower deciding after multiple days you needed to make a good impression for Josh. You were happy that he texted you. Not talking to him made you lose your mind but you couldn’t be the person to make the first move. You felt refreshed, not only physically but also mentally. All of the upsetting thoughts that have been flowing through your head were finally cleansed and you could start over with Josh.

As you make your way to the room you pass by Char’s room. 

“Hey Josh is coming over tonight and I know what you're going to say but…”

“JOSH? Seriously y/n after everything that happened between you two? You told me yesterday that if he..” Before she can go any further and jump down your throat even more you cut her off. 

“I know I know Char, but you also saw how sad I was when things ended. He’s the one for me, he's the one I want.”

Charlotte closes the book she was reading and sits up on her bed. “He said such awful things to you though.” 

“We all say things we don’t mean when we're angry, Char. Besides, I wasn’t saying the nicest stuff either. Mistakes were made on both ends and now we're going to resolve it once and for all.” 

She gives you a questioning look. “And by resolve you mean make up sex? But hey I trust you, I will be gone for the night so you guys do what you gotta do.” She shoots you a wink to which you just roll your eyes at. 

She begins to pack a night bag and you make your way to your room. You go to your drawers and pick out a cute matching pair of panties and bralette. You slip on a pair of gray sweatpants and your tattered blue Michigan crewneck. You quickly run a brush through your hair realizing that Josh was going to be arriving any moment. As you make your way to the kitchen you fill up your water bottle and sit down on the couch and patiently wait for his arrival. 

Before you know it the sound of the doorbell echoes throughout the dorm. Char runs to the door bag in hand and lets Josh in with an upsetting look. 

“Bye y/n, see you tomorrow!” With that she was out the door, leaving you and Josh all alone. 

The tension in the room was heavy, and the silence you could cut with a knife. You both stand there in your kitchen staring at each other in total silence. 

“Hey.” Josh says curtly. 

“Hi.” You give him a small smile to hopefully ease the tension a bit. You lead him to the living room and take a seat on the couch. He follows you and takes a seat on the other side of the couch. 

There is silence for a brief moment, before you are the first to speak. 

“I miss you a lot, Josh. I’m so incredibly sorry.” And you were telling the truth. You were sorry. It never should have gotten this far with Jake, but you still didn’t regret it no matter how wrong it was. 

“I know baby, I’m so sorry too.” He reaches over and grabs for your hand. “I want you to know that what happened between you and Jake was not my business. Although it hurt me that you would do it behind my back I understand why you didn’t share it. I should have treated you the way you deserved to be treated. If Jake could do that for you I understand why you went back to him, but I’m here to do that now.” He leans in to push your hair behind your ear. “I need you y/n. And I hope you can accept my apology, even if it’s not today.”

“I accept your apology Josh.” You lean your head into his hand, as he begins to gently rub your cheek with his thumb. “I’m also really sorry. I should have never done any of it behind your back, especially with your own brother. You both were great to me and I appreciate the time I had with both of you, but I want you.” 

You watch as a grin forms on his face and he reaches for his phone in his back pocket. He pulls it out and begins… texting someone? You can’t understand how this would be a good time to be texting. When you’re both in this vulnerable, heart-baring state? 

He sends the message and looks back up at you. “Well I’m glad you loved your time with both of us, but after tonight it’s just me mama.”

“No I totally understand Josh I just, wait…what did you say?” You hadn’t processed what he actually said. You think over his words in your head…

“Well I’m glad you loved your time with both of us, but after tonight it’s just me mama.”

“What do you mean after tonight?”

“Well Jake led me onto something you had said. Something about how ‘if you could have both of us you would’ and whatever context that was for, you’ll be able to have that.” He says with a smirk on his perfect face. 

“A-are you serious?” Your eyes widen, as your heart rate picks up. 

He couldn’t possibly mean it.

“You mean, we’re all just gonna talk tonight?” You are in denial. 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re not that dense are you?” He gives you a sexy smirk and you begin to put the pieces together. 

As if on cue, you hear a knock at the door. Your body goes numb and feels as if you could pass out. 

There is no way this could be happening. 

Moments go by and you realize you never answered the door. You bounce up off the couch and quickly make your way to your door. 

You take a deep breath before opening it, knowing exactly who would be standing on the other side. You hope in your mind that it could be Char coming back for something she forgot, or a surprise visitor, but it's not. 

On the other side of the door was no one other than Jake. Standing with the same demeanor as his twin brother. You make eye contact with him and immediately feel the nerves swirling around in your belly. 

He is dressed in a black button up, only buttoned up to his navel, and white linen pants. His hair is still wet, you assume from the shower he must have just gotten. He smells of musky teakwood, you almost collapse right then and there. He looks positively delectable. 

“Hi, darling. Long time no see.” He says stepping over the threshold into your dorm with a small brown box, causing you to back up a few steps. 

“Hi Jake.” You shut the door and stand there looking at both men. You are hoping that Josh is going to hold up on this offer. 

Josh stands up from the couch and makes his way over to where you and Jake are standing. 

“How is this for a peace offering, mama?” At first you think Josh is being rhetorical, until he gives you a look as if he is waiting for you to answer. 

You choose not to say anything, in fear of saying the wrong thing . 

“Is my baby girl not going to answer me? Do you still not understand mama?”

You shake your head at him as Jake turns your head towards him.

“Since Josh only wants you to himself, which I think is very selfish,” he says as his eyes travel down to your lips, “He’s agreed that we can all have one more night together, all of us.”

“Oh.” You let your mouth fall open in shock.

Jake pushes your jaw up to close your mouth. “Only if you want to though.” 

“I do I do,” you say almost too fast “but isn’t it like incest?”

They both let out a chuckle at your question.

“No y/n it is not, we know what we’re doing. It isn’t our first time.” Josh alluded. 

Your eyes widen and can’t believe what they just admitted.

“You’ve done this before?” You were in complete shock. You knew how they both were in bed, but this? This is a total curveball.  

“Once, with some random girl a long time ago. But with you,” he looks you up and down with desperate eyes, “it’ll be so much better with you, right darling?” Jake says beginning to pressure you back towards Josh. 

You feel Josh’s arms wrap around your chest, pulling your back against his chest. Jake makes his way towards you, connecting his hands to your waist. You are sandwiched between both boys. You begin to relax your body and your heart rate evening out.

“That's it, relax for us mama.” Josh whispers seductively into your ear. He gives you a squeeze around your chest before leaning down and kissing your neck. 

You watch as Jake slowly drops to his knees in front of you. “We both know that you wanted us both y/n, you're going to finally have that. Tell us baby, what do you want us to do?” His hands travel up the sides of your legs to your hips. His submissive eyes look up to you, something you had missed looking at. 

“Just touch me please. Both of you.” You say with a shaky breath as Jake’s hand starts to make its way underneath your sweatshirt. You feel Josh’s kisses turn into hard sucking on your neck. You began to feel your legs go weak beneath you. 

You feel Josh’s lips detach for a brief moment. “Wanna go to your room mama, so we can have you all spread out for us?” 

You pull their arms off of you before grabbing both of their hands and leading them back to your room. Once you enter you are swiftly pushed back onto the bed by Josh. As he makes his way to your shirt you feel Jake begin to pull at the hem of your sweats.

You feel like you're on another planet. That a filthy dream you have had is coming to life. You would have never thought this would ever happen, but now it is playing out right in front of you. 

After discarding your clothing on the floor you are left in nothing but your matching set. You feel Jake’s hands move up and down your thighs, creeping dangerously towards your core. 

“Were you expecting this to happen tonight mama? I don’t think most people just wear something like this to makeup with their boyfriend.” Josh says as he massages your tits through the thin lace.

Boyfriend? 

You can’t decide if this was his way of asking or something he had just said in the moment. Either way you were too distracted to decide with the current situation at hand. 

“I didn’t expect this to be happening tonight. But it isn’t out of the question when you come over, Josh.” He gives a satisfied hum to your statement as his fingers slide underneath your bra strap. He reaches under you unclasping it and pulling it from your body.  

You feel Jake's finger’s slip under the waistband of your panties. “I think this is getting to her more than she wants to lead on, her panties are fucking soaked and we barely did anything.” Josh walks around to take a look himself. 

“Such a slut for us mama. You sure you’ll be able to handle us both?” Josh says as he takes over the lower half of you. He grabs your ankles pulling you down towards the end of the bed, making you wince.

You aggressively nod your head, afraid of them stopping. Josh kneels in front of you and grins as he pulls down your panties and throws them to Jake. 

“So wet darling, I can’t wait to have it all over my cock.” Jakes says as he examines your drenched underwear. He brings them close to his mouth before licking up the center of them. “Hmm you taste so good. Josh is so lucky to be able to taste that right now.” Before you have a chance to look back down at Josh, you feel his tongue being pressed into your core. 

Your hands fly down to grip onto the sheets. “Oh fuck.” You whine out as Josh's tongue laps up your slit.

Josh pulls his head away for a second, “Missed your pretty voice so much, and this sweet pussy of yours.”  

You feel the bed shifting around your head as Jake makes his way towards you. “Are you gonna make me feel good darling? I can’t wait to feel those pretty moans around my cock.” As he brings his cock closer to your face you grant him access and open your mouth wide for his. Right as you begin to move up and down his shaft you feel Josh grab your inner thighs and widen them. 

As you try to focus on Jake you can’t help but get distracted by Josh beneath you. You release your hands from the firm grip you have on the sheets. You move your hand up to Jake’s cock, stroking what didn’t fit into your mouth. You feel Jake push his cock further into your mouth, making you gag.

“Yes baby, just like that. Gag around my cock. Feels so fucking good” He reaches to your shoulders and begins to fuck himself into your mouth. Your mouth and throat are filled with every inch of Jake. 

Josh continues lapping at your cunt, making sure to pay special attention to your swollen clit. You can feel your orgasm creeping up on you. Your noises caused by Josh were being muffled onto Jake cock making him release his own filthy noises. 

“Fuck y/n I’m gonna cum keep gagging on my cock, yes just like that baby.” Jake says in his whiny voice. “I missed your pretty mouth so much, always making me feel so fucking good.” He drops his head back as he releases a primal growl. 

You start to grind your pussy against Josh’s mouth, causing him to moan into your wet folds. Before you can reach your own release you feel Jake’s cum hit the back of your throat. He pulls himself out and immediately attaches his mouth to your nipple. Your back arches off the bed and you can tell you close. 

“Josh, I’m so close. Oh God, please don’t stop, feels so good.” As he continues to suck and lick your clit you feel him insert a finger into you. You reach your one hand into Jake’s hair and slide your other down your body and into Josh’s hair. You never knew you could feel this way, never in your life have you felt this good. 

The knot in your stomach became overwhelming and before you could do anything the wave of pleasure took over you. As your eyes squeeze shut and hands clutch around Josh’s hair you let your body relax beneath the brothers. When you open your eyes you can’t believe that they are both in the room with you. 

“You cum so gorgeous, mama.” Josh smiles up at you from between your legs. He kisses all the way up your legs to your thighs and stomach. “You're so perfect, did you make Jake feel good?” You nod down to him as Jake walks to the end of the bed. Jake lifts your foot and slowly kisses up to your ankle. “Can you make me feel good now, mama?” 

You nod and begin to sit up and reach for his cock through his pants before he stops you. “I had something else in mind, baby.”

“Like what Josh?”

“Well after last time we were together we experimented and I wanted to see if you wanted to do it again, but with someone else now.”

“Like having him in my ass?” You say, not knowing how you feel about it.

“No, no not like that. I’ll be pleasing that perfect pussy of yours and Jake will just get to have a little fun with your tight little ass. Does that sound like something you wanna try?”

It wasn’t something you had thought about, but you weren’t opposed. 

“It’s definitely something I wanna try.” You confess to him. He begins shedding off his clothes, until he is completely bare. 

“Yeah?” He gives you the sexiest smirk. “Flip over for us. Hands and knees. Now.”  

You immediately obey him rolling over onto your stomach, pushing up to your hands and knees. You feel their eyes scan over your body. You hear footsteps walking away from you, causing you to turn to look over your shoulder. 

You see Jake walking back over to you and Josh carrying a small wooden box. 

“W-what's that?” You stutter on your words, excitement pulsing through your veins. 

“Oh darling,” Jake pops the box open for you to see the contents, “just a couple toys. We figured you’d want to try them out.” 

“Well what are they?” You question him, as he reappears at your side on the bed. 

“Take a look for yourself.” You sit down onto your heels as he hands you the box and lets you examine. 

You unclasp the small lock on the front and open the lid slowly. Inside you see three butt plugs ranging in different sizes, glass anal bead dildo, and a small vibrator. 

“Can I try them all out?” You say in a half joking tone, hoping they would catch onto the serious part of your tone.

Josh looks at Jake and you see them communicate with only their eyes, in some way that you would never be able to understand. 

“We can do whatever you want mama. If you wanna try them all you can. We’ll work your way up.” Josh says as he pushes your hair behind your ear and rubs your jaw before grabbing a chunk and bringing you back onto all fours. Josh makes his way behind you before lining himself up with your core and slowly pushing in.

You feel Jake reach into the box and pull out the smallest butt plug. “Open.” You open your mouth and Jake presses the cold metal into your mouth. You lick the metal and he pulls it out with a pop. Josh begins to thrust faster into you, filling you up in a way that you haven’t felt in a while. 

After getting comfortable with the pace you feel a cold gel being massaged onto your asshole by Jake who is standing off the bed looking down at you. “Tell me if you want me to stop okay darling?”

“Yes Jake, oh fuck Josh.” You try to give Jake some type of attention but Josh quickly steals that from him. 

“Remember who you belong to, mama, tell me who’s are you?” Josh asks as he grabs some hair and yanks on it softly. 

“I’m yours Josh, no one else's.” You say in your shaky voice.

“And you know after today Jake doesn’t get to have you anymore right.” He says, pulling more forcefully and he continues to drive himself into you. 

“I’m not his, all yours and.. OH FUCK!” Before you can finish your statement you feel the cool metal butt plug entering you. “Oh Jake, that feels so good. I don’t know how long I can last, it feels so good guys.”

“Let your body relax mama, just let us make you feel good, and fill you up.” Josh adds before slowing his pace slightly. “You wanna put in a bigger plug baby? I think you can take it. Can you take it like a good girl for us?”

That alone could have sent you over the edge. “I want the glass one. I want you to fuck me with it Jakey.” 

Jake smirks down at you. “Gladly darling. I wanna make this time memorable for me.” Shooting a daring look at Jake, like there is some type of underlying anger between them even though they agreed to do this. You know that they are both slightly jealous but you wanna make sure Josh knows that you are his.

“Joshy, can you put it in for me? I wanna feel you fill me up in both holes, and then Jake can fuck me with it.” You say looking back at him with seductive eyes.

“God mama you’re gonna be the end of me.” Jake hands Josh the beaded dildo. Before placing it in your ass Josh licks up and down the toy and slowly pushes it into your lubed asshole. After having the first bead pushed in Josh hands it over to Jake and slowly continues his thrust. 

You feel each rivet of the toy make its way into you. After two divots Jake stops and lets you adjust.

“Is that too much, or do you want another?” Jake questions softly.

“Another please, and Josh goes faster. I know you guys are trying to be nice but I need it harder.” 

Without speaking to one another Josh picks up and the pace on your pussy while Jake begins to fuck the glass dildo in and out of you slowly, but enough to give you a deeper pleasure.

Your arms give out on you and your body falls onto the mattress. Josh was able to fuck you deeper, hitting a part of your pussy that was left untouched for a while. As he continues on your pussy you feel Jake pull the toy all the way out, leaving your ass feeling empty.

“Look at that pretty hole Josh.” Jake points out. You look back to Jake and see him spit into your ass that is now left open for both of them to see. Throughout it all Josh never slowed down or faltered his movements. You knew you were getting close to your second orgasm.

“Oh my god I’m so close. Put it back in, fuck me harder Jake don’t hold back. I need it.” Jake swiftly grabs the toy and pushes it back into you. As the boys fill you up Josh pulls you back up onto your hands. 

Jake leans down and kisses your ass before biting hard down onto it. The feelings that were roaming your body were becoming a sensation of overwhelming bliss. You never wanted it to end, but you knew after tonight it would never happen again, so you took in every feeling you could. You let your body let go and let Josh and Jake lead you to your climax. 

“Joshy I’m gonna cum please please harder. Jakey harder oh my god.” They both quicken their pace and bring you to your peak. Your orgasm washes over your body and you feel your arms giving out on you again. Jake slowly pulls out the dildo and Josh shortly after brings himself to his climax. After finishing you he collapses on top of you. His warm moist body being pressed against you was something you had missed.

You almost forgot Jake was in the room until you heard movement in front of the bed. After Josh moves off from on top of you, you flip to your side and look at both of them. They look to you, waiting for some type of response for what just happened. 

“I- that was the best sex I’ve ever had. I don’t even know what to say.” They laugh at your comment as Jake and Josh begin to cloth themselves. 

“I’m glad you had a good time mama.” Josh says as he sits beside you on the bed and plays with the hair framing your face. “But you know that’s the only time right, and the last time with Jake.”

“I know, and that’s okay. I’m yours Josh and that’s the only way I’d ever want it. No offense Jake.”

“None taken. I enjoyed our time y/n. I’ll head out and let you guys talk things over.” Jake grabs his things and leaves with one final smile and a wave. You felt weird, but glad that things came to an end the way they did. You turn your attention back to Josh who was staring down to you with loving eyes.

“So tell me mama what was your favorite part?”

“You.” You say with a smile as you play with the jaw string of his sweats.

“Are you saying that to make me happy or are you saying it for real?”

“For real Josh. You made me feel so good. If I could have you do both things I’d take that in a heartbeat.” You sit up and make your way to your drawers and pick out a shirt and shorts for bed.

“Alright baby if you say so. I’d much rather do both parts but I feel like the way things played out was healthy. I know if anyone else knew about this they’d probably call the cops but for the situation I think it helped work everything out. You got to have a fling one more time with Jake but me being here made it feel like I could control it a little, I know that’s weird but I was more comfortable with it than just letting you be with him alone.” Josh explains as he plays with the comforter he’s sat upon. 

“I know Josh. I wanna talk everything over. Like everything but my mind is very foggy from tonight and I’m tired. Do you wanna go to bed and go to breakfast tomorrow and talk it over? I’m not trying to cut things off short and act like I’m trying to escape the conversation but I think talking about this tomorrow would be best for both of us.” You turn the lights off and climb into bed, Josh following you under the sheets. 

“I agree. There are certain things I want answers to but I don’t want to force you into answering them now. Let’s talk it over tomorrow. Thank you for going along with tonight. Were you uncomfortable in any way?”

“Not at all. At first I was worried because, you know, incest. But after being a part of it I understand it now. But this can never be spoken about to anyone ever.” Josh nods his head aggressively, making you laugh. 

“Goodnight Joshy, thank you for giving me a second chance. I don’t think I’d be able to live life without you.”

“I don't know if you’re just saying that because you're tired, but I wouldn’t be able to live without you either, mama. Good night, love.” 

As he presses a kiss onto your lips and pull yourself closer to him feeling some sort of completeness. A sense of whole, and you wouldn’t trade that feeling for any other guy in the world.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[oleanderbailey]

The Dinner Party of Adolescence

An internal monologue from Ives Gannet, the main character of my WIP novel Into The Vortex. Ives, the soon-to-be serial killer nicknamed the Portland Maneater, reminisces on how she chose to let her putrid nature develop back when she was still capable of stopping it.

1323 words // 6.5 minute read

Not a recommended read for those sensitive to mentions of sexual themes, murder and child molestation.

The only times I’ve felt true desire were those moments just before sleep. That’s the time most people tend to drift into yearning, right? They lay in bed and think of sweat-covered, glistening bodies and masturbate their worries away until they fall asleep. I do things a little differently.

My way of experiencing nightly desire seems to be less practical than the normal way, but that’s usually the case. These trains of thought never lead me to happy places – instead, to a tear-stained sleep and a jaw so tense it hurts in the morning. I don’t think of shirtless men with rippled abs or bikini-clad women, yet, I still find something to long for. I long for the desperate yearning of memories. I long to look behind me at everywhere I’ve been, and scramble back towards it, clammy hands reaching for the good that supposedly so heavily riddled my past. I long to be able to trace my winding trail of footsteps through the scenes I’ve seen, the homes I’ve lived in, the people I have loved, all the way back to my first everything – without feeling such an intense sorrow.

Even in the most benign-looking places I could visit in my head – break-times at my first school, the quiet walks in the local park, the kitchen of my childhood home – at any little disturbance, the bugs hiding in the cracks and the crevices will scuttle out of their hidey-holes, and I’ll remember. I’ll remember how disease and dirt has infected every experience I call my own. I’ll remember how other children would giggle amongst themselves and point at me as I paced the playground alone, I’ll remember only feeling safe enough to cry in the solitude of the deep woods, I’ll remember how much blood was on the kitchen floor and how I felt nothing when I saw my own mother’s lifeless body. Her head was pointed towards the door when I walked in, her mouth hanging open inhumanly wide, her trademark rosy cheeks a paper-white, eyes merely scattered with the remnants of fear. The fear I should have felt, too, but I didn’t.

All I felt was fascination. And then, I’ll remember why instead of lusting after memories, I fantasise about taking a gun and blowing them out of my head. They’re too irregular for me to understand. After a certain point, I stopped walking through life, and instead tripped over and was dragged through dirt to where I am now. I’m too tired to get up.

I don’t know why I’m like this. I just want to lose all comprehension of myself and rebuild my consciousness from scratch, because honestly, I think I’ve fucked up from my first thought. And unless I get a chance to start over, I’ll fuck up until my last breath.

If I were to try and rationalise myself – an admittedly bad habit that I sometimes try to get out of - I’d explain my current state as a consequence of my experience with sex and family and life being fucked up so young, so early into my development that I can’t see any point trying to be normal moving forward, because I never will be. Instead of doing what others do and push down any “forbidden” intrigues or desires, why shouldn’t I just embrace them? I never had the normality that they cling onto, so what have I got to lose?

I understand why so many psychologists jump to theories that serial killers and rapists were molested as children too, even when there’s no direct account to suggest it. It’s such a dark and morbid thing that, to the human brain, it’s only logical that things so vile must have sourced from another evil. To some extent, they’re right. Mixing childhood or trauma with sex can really, really fuck you up - if you let it. That’s the key to it that not many of these psychologists can ever get because they’re talking about experiences they will never have; it’s not as simple as “get molested, become a sexual deviant” with entire inevitability, it’s more like having the option of becoming an absolute fucking freak offered to you at the dinner party of adolescence, whilst everyone else was served “a thing for boys with brown hair” or “a thing for girls making fun of them”. Well, “offered”… you’re never able to refuse it completely.

See, the dish I was served, it had teeth, malice, and a thirst to ruin the life of the prepubescent it saw before itself. Before there was any hope in stopping it, it jumped up from the table and sank its teeth into my flesh. If you were to ask for forceps to rip it out, although the fight and the desperation would be gone, you’re still left with the wound, and then still left with the scar. You’re not truly free from it. But, you are free from the danger you could manifest. You know how to easily keep a lid on it.

Others like me immediately asked for the forceps – they were scared by something feeling wrong in their head and they cried to their parents about it, who quickly whisked them off to a child psychologist who knew what they were doing and knew how to ensure this child’s wounds turned into perfect, shiny scars. Something I struggle with when I look into the mirror each morning is that I liked the feeling of the curse gnawing at the muscle in my forearm. I was intrigued by these thoughts and that I was thinking beyond the trivial hand-holding that my classmates were discussing on the playground. But, most of all, I didn’t care that it wasn’t normal – because I never knew if I was normal! Pushed out of my family, pushed out of any conceivable social group in school, I never had a reference. So, I just never asked for the forceps. Because I didn’t know they existed. I looked at the demon making mince of my flesh and I took it as a fascination.

I know that’s not entirely my fault. I was just a kid – a very, very lonely kid – who didn’t know that her brain was driving on the other side of the road until it was too late. Everything just aligned too well – I was born morbid, I lived in morbid, and was in perfect shape to react to something like the murder in the way that I did. On the other hand, I feel like I still would have loved the way things were going even if I knew they shouldn’t be going that way. I didn’t want to stop this when I could, or to seek treatment when it would have made a difference. There’s no way to know, of course, but after all these years I have never been able to shake the feeling that my demented decisions caused all of this, and if I was a kinder person to myself, things wouldn’t be like this. I chose to be this way.

I am an evil reimagining that my holier self sees in the bathroom mirror each morning. I see her, too. I see her disappointment in what she knows is inside herself, and what she is capable of. To her, I embody filth. To me, she embodies everything I could have been. Just to scare her, I stare into her eyes sometimes until she starts crying.

Being so comfortable with what is vile about myself has led me to reject the parts of me that are wholesome and good. I want that cunt through the water-stained glass pane to wake the fuck up and realise she is already what she is so afraid of being; she has just sugar-coated everything to deceive others and hopes that she will eventually deceive herself. But - she won’t. I know she won’t. Because it didn’t work for me, either.

Purity is fucking overrated.

[a-big-apple]

ok locked tomb fam, we’re getting closer to october and the original release date for Alecto, and i’ve been seeing an uptick in anxious/aggravated fans in the tags wondering when we’ll get any new info. waiting is very hard, i feel it too, so i wanted to share some things i have gleaned about publishing through a masters degree and a decade of bookselling!

the book is not coming out in october. the marketing would have started months ago if it was—and there’s no way that the final book in a series as on the radar as TLT would have less marketing than the previous books did. the galley isn’t out there yet either, as far as i’ve seen. i think a fall or winter release is extremely unlikely at this point.

book publishing, for the most part, is not willy nilly. marketing has to thread the needle between starting too early (risking losing the attention of the casually interested) and starting too late to build a good buzz. release dates have to take into account what other books are coming out at the same time—not just what Tor is putting out, but likely what their parent company, macmillan, is putting out. i know this is capitalism at work, but this is the system we live in: they don’t want similar or similarly big books in the same company or imprint competing with each other, it can hurt sales all around. 

Tamsyn said in an interview back in december ‘22 that Alecto was written, but editing had not begun yet. editing takes a lot of time, and marketing steps are frequently linked up—announcing a release date hinges on how close the book is to being ready, especially since the original release date is no longer applicable, and getting books ready for print takes a lot of time and a lot of steps!

the biggest times of year for book releases, especially highly anticipated books, are Oct/Nov before holiday shopping starts, and Mar/Apr/May. obviously that’s not true for every book, but this is a big book for Tor, and big books get better spots in the release calendar. if i had to make an educated guess, i would wager Alecto will probably come out in spring ‘24, and we won’t start to see announcements or marketing until after the official release of the Nona paperback on Sept 12. again, this is sales driven: news about Alecto could muddy the waters for the Nona paperback and impede sales, especially since there’s new content in there. i think it’s likely we’ll hear something a little later in the fall.

i’m not as plugged into publishing as i used to be, so i am fully prepared to be wrong about any of this—it’s just assumptions based on what i’ve experienced of the book industry.

either way though, a point i want to make is that nobody at Tor is witholding information from us maliciously. there are a million moving parts in making and marketing a book (and i’m sorry, but huge Hollywood movie releases that are topically resonant but not actually related do not have any effect on publishing schedules). most of those moving parts are human beings: Tamsyn, trying to tie up the series under enormous pressure, still during a pandemic; her editor, who has other books to edit at the same time, and surely wants to do this work justice; Moira Quirk, hopefully, bringing her genius to recording the audiobook; copy editors, designers, marketing people, all of whom are people, many of whom are overworked and underpaid in an industry that is largely not unionized. 

they’re not trying to fuck with us. i understand where these impulses come from, but getting angry, begging, pestering, none of that is going to change the plain fact that you can’t market a book until you have an almost-ready book, and Alecto is one that Tor will want to put the best tactics and timing behind. be patient a little longer. fuck corporations and capitalism, but have empathy for the individuals who will put Alecto in our hands from within a very flawed system. Tor has a long and successful history in speculative fiction publishing, they know what they’re doing.

[loversj0y]

hi hi hi for the event: gold rush!!!!!

also congrats!!! 200 is a fucking insane amount and im so proud of you!! love ur content man!!!!!! :3

gold rush

event masterlist

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

tw: they go to a bar, slight angst? just in the sense of unrequited pining (or perhaps... requited?) some self deprication

notes: fun fact! this song will be utilized again on my blog because it is the main song inspiration for part four of my tis the damn season au. bc of that, i had to come at this with a bit of a different angle creatively which was pretty fun ngl

word count: 1.2k

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng / @core-queen / @zooone / @lillylvjy / @ghostsacrosslndnfields / @melunnek

You had a problem. You hated Wilbur Soot. 

You knew him well, you two have been friends for a while after meeting at a mutual friend’s party. At first glance, you knew you hated him. With every fibre of your being you hated him. 

You hated him for one specific reason. You wanted him more than anything. He was gorgeous, tall and always looking like the sun chose only him to shine on. He had these soft brown locks of hair that always seemed to curl just the right way, even when he wasn’t trying. He’d come in with a beanie with the curls just peeking out, but once he’d pull the beanie off, they’d immediately settle in a beautiful pattern, waves of brown deserving of attention. 

And his eyes. You couldn’t fathom looking into him in fear that you’d be completely swept into them, lost in his gaze forever. His eyes were like pools of pure bronze, and you could feel yourself melting into them. Every time you looked into them it was like you could imagine an entire life and future with him by your side, living together and sneaking around in love.

But you also had to cope with the idea that it wasn’t real.

The worst part about it was when you knew you’d be seeing him. Your friend groups had a major overlap, so any gathering you knew you would be seeing him. Like tonight. You made yourself look a bit nicer, and you had to tell yourself it wasn’t because you’d be seeing Wilbur – even if you knew it was a lie. The bar would be dark, so there was almost no point to making sure you looked so nice. You felt the need to do it anyways. 

When you showed up, most of your friends were already there. Wilbur was too. He wore this brown button up, with the sleeves pulled up, and fuck he must know what he’s doing to you. He had to know. His arms were muscular from playing guitar, and they were an impressive sight. You had to force your eyes to move on as you approached. 

Everyone greeted you as you sat, smiling around at everyone as you lost yourself in the drone of the music and conversation. You refrained from looking over at Wilbur, too worried you’d lose yourself in your own staring. It was tough, though. He was like the sun in an otherwise dark bar, and he always seemed to catch your attention. You had to keep reminding yourself to look away, which made you pay less attention to the conversation your friends were having.

That ended up being a mistake, within minutes you realized that the majority of your friends were leaving, except for, of course, Wilbur. It was awkward, at least to you. He seemed perfectly content to sit there and look out at the people around him, just quietly observing. 

The observation fell final when it reached you, somewhat zoned out at you stared at him and pondered a future that could never be.

“You alright?” Wilbur asked, tilting his head slightly.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, sorry,” you flushed slightly, looking away.

He chuckled, “it’s alright. How’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’ve been good,” you spoke plainly, “You? How’s the band?”

“Good!” He perked up at the mention of the band, “We’ve been working on music and stuff, and it’s been going really well. If it weren’t so loud, I’d show you some, I have a bunch of voice memos on my phone.” He spoke so enthusiastically, and it made your heart hurt slightly. 

“Another time then,” you smiled softly, trying to be as polite despite the mixture of pining and anxiety in your chest. 

He nodded, “yeah, another time.” He went quiet, but it wasn’t for long. A girl approached from the bar, coming over and chatting him up. That was a big thing. Wilbur wasn’t just attractive to you, he was just attractive. Everyone wanted him. And although he was polite and always turned them down, for whatever reason, it still was a sight to see. He could have anyone he wanted, and the chances you could handle that thought, especially in a relationship, were not high. But it wouldn’t stop your fantasizing. 

Of his eyes, staring at you full of love instead of polite friendliness. Of running your hands through his soft hair and watching it fall back into place. Of making a place in his life, a t-shirt left behind in his room after you go home in the evening. Of walking in his room barefoot to join him in bed at night. Of going to dinner parties and having loving arguments. Of moving to a coastal town together to get away from the noise of city life.

But the fantasies would always fade. And part of you hated them. Because of the blush they left on your face and the way they would always keep you from being able to see him as just a friend. Because moments like this, a girl slowly running her hand down his arm, reminded you of just how unreal your fantasizing is, and how it could never be.

The girl left after what was clearly striking out, and Wilbur turned back towards the table, a faint blush left on his cheeks. It was such a beautiful sight, but you had to keep yourself from getting lost in the fantasies once more, lest you embarrass yourself for all of time to come. 

“Sorry,” Wilbur hummed out, rubbing the back of his neck.

“It’s alright, happens often?”

He shrugged, “Sometimes.”

“You never say yes.” You noted simply.

He nodded, “Yeah. Just… nothing against them, but I have my eyes sort of set on someone, so it’s not really within my best interests to entertain one night stands at best.”

You chuckled, but you felt your heart sinking slightly, “I guess that makes sense.”

He nodded again, looking away almost shyly. 

The rest of the night was a lot smoother after your friends returned, making the conversation flow easily. By the end of the night, you were exhausted emotionally and socially. You were one of the first to leave, standing outside and waiting for your taxi. The door opened behind you, but you didn’t turn to see who it was. 

Wilbur came and stood next to you, fiddling with his hands, “So, uhm,” he started, “another time?”

You looked over at him, a bit confused, “What?”

“You said another time, inside. I was wondering… when you’d like that to be.”

You faltered a bit, somewhat unsure of what to say, “Uh, I’m free whenever, I guess.”

He smiled softly, “Well, I have a band rehearsal on Tuesday. Would you… want to come?”

You thought for a moment. You should turn it down, knowing how hard it would be on you. But you couldn’t find it in yourself to do so. “Yeah. Sure. Text me the address?”

He nodded softly, face lit up, “Yeah! I will, absolutely. I’ll- uh- I’ll see you then.”

You smiled softly and nodded, “See you then.”

Your cab pulled up, and you watched as Wilbur headed back in. You got in the cab, a gentle smile on your face as you couldn’t help but have a flicker of hope in your chest for the future.

[k9punkout]

why do you think till sabotaged his opponent in round 2 and didn’t give him a chance to sing? i’ve seen a few different possible reasons thrown around- was he trying to make a statement, that he wouldn’t participate in alien stage the way he was expected to? was he preventing himself from losing? did he see it as his only chance to confess to mizi with the song he wrote for her? something else entirely?

i’d love to know your thoughts on this, your characterization of till is top tier

-atrophiedemotion

AGHHHHH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <33

personally, I believe he did it for a multitude of reasons, including most of what you mentioned.

first and foremost, he was trying to make a statement. he was showing that he would not live in compliance, screaming out to the whole world that they could never tame him(except they did in r6 but IGNORE THAT). his choice to perform his OWN song about his OWN emotions exhibits a sense of individuality that is rare in pet humans in this universe, and since alnst has such a large following, and Till especially has a lot of people observing his behavior due to Urak calling him "the best in history," he knows that this is his chance to get the message across to society.

in the round 2 description, vivinos said her personal favorite line is when he yells "come on" at the beginning of the song, because it's like he's commanding the audience to follow his rhythm. Till leads his own crowd, makes them feel what he wants them to feel, and while that used to be the purpose of art, it seems to have lost its meaning in the alnst universe, especially with music that is sung by pet humans, so Till accomplishing this is a testament to his "artistic genius".

while the song was about Mizi, I don't think he did it as a confession to her. one of his lines right before the chorus was "you'll never know," so I don't think he ever planned on telling Mizi that he was in love with her, but also doesn't plan on ever letting go of his emotions ("i dont wanna stop"). i think there are so many reasons as to why he feels this way, but that's a Till rant for another time.

the fact that he chose to perform a love song he wrote to the audience says something as well. Mizi is his muse and motivation for both the art he produces and the bravery he exhibits. Using his love as an act of rebellion is a perfect way to show that. He's singing about love the way HE experiences it, and he's displaying the person that it made him. it's all a huge story with a strong message.

and then we get to the murder. honestly idk why it wasn't expected like. why would you give the hostile unpredictable alien hater an ALIEN guitar and expect it to turn out normal. nevermind the fact that he acted somewhat normal in the preliminary rounds you should've known something was up his sleeve. (also the fact that Freddie was BRED to be a damn guitar is like. fucking dystopian in itself. like what is this qu behavior.)

he killed Freddie on impulse the second his opponent tried to sing, because he was NOT abt to let his spotlight get stolen. also because he hates all aliens.

on a deeper note, i think he did it for control as well. much like Luka, the stage is the only way Till can get the feeling of being truly in charge of a situation, with minimal restrictions and less intense consequences. Unlike Luka, Till doesn't taunt or abuse his opponents but overwhelms them instead, thus his performance in round 2 and his killing Freddie. It would also explain part of the "bliss" he is said to feel after killing him.

Of course, another reason behind his bliss is the fact that Mizi looked up at him. he adores having her attention on him, he can never get enough of it ("still it's not enough"), and I think he's happy with it in any form, even if that form includes shock and horror at the stage being turned into a bloodbath. he was looking at her like a puppy after performing a trick and getting a treat as a reward.

it's also important to lean into his more compassionate side, especially when it comes to Mizi. I'm not 100% sure about this, but he might've also been happy to have distracted her from her grieving over Sua, if only for a second. replacing her anguish with surprise that won't make her feel better, but will take her mind off of it. (i think the mess of blood and gore only served to make Mizi's mental state worse, but that wasn't his intention.)

LAST REASON, and probably silliest- Acorn (r2 npc) and Till canonically have beef. I mean, Till has beef with everyone, but Acorn specifically wrote in his goodbye letter: "you're talented. i'll give you that." you can SMELL the passive-aggression. it's beyond me as to why, but it explains Till's lack of care about his life and death.

(MY personal theory: it's canon that Acorn has confessed to Sua multiple times, only to be rejected. he might've noticed how much she loved Mizi and grew resentful of her, and Till might have overheard him slandering her or something and never forgave him since.)

ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR THIS DELIGHTFUL OPPORTUNITY TO YELL ABOUT ROUND 2 BECAUSE ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITE ROUNDS, AND ABOUT TILL BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO <3

[voidsuites]

okay, vent post here so buckle up. sorry if it’s too serious for this blog, but i needed to show it.

as a Ukrainian, i left my country when i was barely 11 and went to south america because the war started. i wasn’t old enough to understand the outcomes that could possibly lead to the war in actuality. we needed to leave for our own safety. we needed to leave because either way we were gonna die there eventually; most russians didn’t (don’t) care about our race, our opinions, our culture, our politics, our freedom. it’s been going for centuries, not years, so we and israel have something in common. to know how does it feel to be oppressed.

my mom used to say that everything will be okay, but with every day you DO lose hope when something like today happens — it’s been going on like this for us for decades; but i know i could not understand how does it feel to be in the minority in u.s.a and be seen like an existing, walking crime.

regardless, i do, i REALLY do, hope that this generation won’t let hatred take over themselves as it did with mine. i know being angry and a hater feels like the right decision —hell, i am being angry and hating on my ““brother”” county because they’re killing us— like something you’ve been building up for years and can finally let go on people —white, in my case— who ‘deserve’ this, but please, don’t let it get into your head. no one will feel safe if we’re gonna start hating each other. minorities, black, hispanic, white, NO ONE.

i feel for you americans. i’m not sure how everything will go from now on, but i am one hundred percent sure that it depends on us. don’t let the government and the ‘high grounds’ let your hopes down, because it won’t happen if people keep fighting. does su*cide looks tempting right now? very; it was always like that since COVID started (for me, personally). does it mean we should act on it, if OUR opinion and OUR actions can define how the country will keep running? no, absolutely not. i’m not telling to people who want to kill themselves to stop it —i am no professional by any means; it’s not my right to tell you what to do with your life— but if you CAN make change, why don’t you?

i love you all. i’m very happy that we met each other over tumblr, guys. everything will be okay

i love you too.

but my mere existence has become political. it has been political since i was born. i am a black, mexican, queer woman who lives in a blue state— but regardless of that, my existence has been political long before i even realized it. people who have no idea what i’ve been through and what life i’ve lived think it’s necessary to regulate my own body because they think i’m not capable of doing so. they think because i am non-white that i am not worthy of respect or equal treatment under the law. they think because of who i love that i am less-than-human.

i don’t have the luxury to not dislike someone who has voted for him. when they voted for him, they voted against ME— against everything i am, the fabric of my being, everything that makes me me. i wish i could say didn’t hate anyone who voted for that fucking felon, but i do. it’s the truth. they voted against basic human decency and fundamental human rights because neither of those were enough to overpower their selfish self-interest. i don’t wish to associate with anyone who voted for him, nor do i like them. they’ve clearly voiced that they’re okay with ignoring hate-based ideologies if it means they might “benefit” (they won’t)

he intends to strip away every little thing we can even do in terms of voicing our opinions— he’s been saying from the get go that this would be the last election EVER that we’d have to vote in— is that + the countless false bomb threats + russian interference + in-state interference with mail-in voting/ballot counting not proof enough that they don’t want to even consider what the people want anymore? and i’m not saying that this is reason to give up, but they intend to strip everyone of their autonomy in one way or another, and they will if we allow them to. and we’ve just given them the keys to fucking do it.

i just need to rant and be angry and be upset and be disappointed in the way we’ve let each other down here? because at the end of the day, people voted for that felon because they thought he was the better candidate. and that is appalling.

[ilovecupcakesandtea]

My master list

Title: Lets bring this idiot home

Word Count: 12173

Archive Warnings: Temporary character death

Rating: M

Pairing(s): Eddie Munson/Steve Harrington Robin Buckley/OC

Character(s): Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, The Party

Tags: Steddie, Steve Harrington. Eddie Munson. Robin Buckley. . Temporary Major Character Death

Beta Reader: Thank you so much to my awesome beta reader/cheerleader @slippy-slip I really could not have done this without you at all.

Art link and credit: Art is by the amazing @kokoshka67 as is the banner

Ao3 Link

AN: Working on this has been an absolute blast.

I wrote this for the @strangerthingsreversebigbang event and had a lot of fun doing so!!

Divider links: reblog and bats

Cold, that’s the first thing that Eddie felt when he woke up. Maybe felt wasn’t the right word, more experienced. He didn’t think he could actually feel anything. He was sure he should be feeling something. He should feel pain, he distinctly remembers being eaten alive by demobats making sure Henderson could get out of this hell pit and to help keep Steve, Robin and Nancy safe. 

He must be dead, that’s the only conclusion he could come to. Dead. Not even 20 yet and he was here, dead, in hell. People always did say he’d end up in hell.

“Jesus H Christ,” he said, sitting up and looking around. The place looked totally different now there was no lightning in the sky or thunder to be heard. The only thing that remained the same was the red sky and the ground under him. 

It was at this point he noticed that he was surrounded by bats, bats that he was sure had just been eating him, taking chunks out of his sides, arms and legs. But now they were just sitting there, looking at him. Watching him, rather unnerving really if you asked Eddie, almost as though they were waiting for him to do something, anything.

“Looks like everyone got out then,” he said out loud, for no reason other than to break the silence. He never did well with silence. 

“What the fuck,” he screamed as the bats all nodded back at him, as though they were actually replying to what he had said.

He scrambled to his feet as quickly as he could and moved off towards the trailer where the gate was. Reaching for the door with more force than he intended, he fell right through and landed back on the ground face first. 

“Christ,” Eddie exclaimed, sitting back up headfirst in the living room. 

So definitely dead, a ghost by the looks of it. First thing he had to work out was a way of interacting with the world around him, surely it was possible to do? It had to be, right?  

He took a second before standing up again to look around inside the trailer. It looked like the gate had closed. 

“Well fuck, guess I'm stuck here a ghost then,” Eddie sighed. 

Turning around he saw the bats had followed him. They were less scary when he looked at them now that they weren’t trying to eat him. 

“Well come on then, if you’re following me let's go and see what’s out there,” Eddie spoke to the bats. He was losing it already, talking to the damn bats.

Eddie started to float off in a random direction when the bats stopped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. He started in another direction and they moved in front again. A third try had him stopped again. 

“Alright, alright you want me to go somewhere?” Eddie asked the bats flying in front of him, getting chirps in response. 

“Well I guess I’ve got nothing better to do, lead the way,” he gestured widely. 

The bats flew off slowly and looked back to make sure Eddie was following, giving what sounded like happy little chirps when he was. 

Eddie floated behind the bats all the way through Hawkins, through the woods and out the otherside where Riffer Rick’s could be seen.

Entering the house he was filled with emotions, all of the fear and the hopelessness that he felt the last time he was there all came back to him. Only hours beforehand he was in this place laying low because he was wanted for murder after watching the death of Chrissy Cunningham. 

The bats lead him further into the house and into Rick's bedroom, the last bed he lay on. On the bed lay his body, his mangled body with a torn shirt and missing flesh. 

“You really did a number on me huh?” Eddie laughed a humourless laugh. The bats gave off sad chirps in response. “Yeah I know, you had no choice, he made you. Thank you for making sure I rested comfortably though.” 

Eddie looked close at his body. He wondered if he could get his ghost back in there. Would there be a point if he did? His body has no heartbeat he was clinically dead, and even if he wasn't there didn't seem to be any way of keeping a human body alive down here long term.

As he was walking Eddie kept trying to touch different things, concentrating really hard on doing so. Wondering if the type of thing he was trying to touch made a difference or if him having any kind of connection to it helped. Everything so far had been a no. Everytime he touched something his hand went straight through it. His feet didn’t physically touch the floor and his whole body felt light. 

He wasn’t sure where to head for a while. Just wandering around Lovers Lake, seeing if there was anything that could help him at all. Nothing seemed out of place. With a heavy sigh Edidie headed into the town centre and ultimately towards Hawkins High. 

Walking across the football field Eddie headed towards the clearing that once held the picnic table he used as a meeting point for his drug deals. A place that he spent many hours sitting in, reading, drawing or listening to music. 

As he entered the clearing he noticed he wasn’t alone. Hovering by the picnic table was Chrissy. 

“Chrissy?” Eddie whispered, he hardly dared to believe he wasn’t alone in this hell. 

“Eddie?” She replied, moving towards him quickly. “Why are you here?!” 

“I died, apparently,” Eddie shrugged. “How long have you been here for?” 

“It’s hard to say, I’ve been kinda floating around the place, seeing what else and who else I can find,” she replied smiling

“Chris I need you to know I had nothing to do with your death, I tried to help. I am so sorry I left you. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t help you. Everyone misses you, they all love you so much. Jason led the whole town against me to avenge you. I promise if I could have done anything differently I would have,” Eddie cried. 

“Eddie, I know,” Chrissy whispered, placing her hand close to his face. “There was nothing you could have done, please know that.”

“But I ran away and left you there,” Eddie whispered.

“You watched me float to the ceiling and my bones snap, what could you have done?” Chrissy asked. 

“Nothing I guess,” he spoke softly in reply. “See, you did the right thing, you could have been next for all you know,” she smiled reassuringly at him. 

“Why are you here?” Eddie asked, gesturing around to the clearing. 

“This is the last place I remember thinking everything could still be ok. Like I had someone that was on my side and that I wasn’t completely losing my mind,” Chrissy replied simply. 

“Even though you saw something whilst you were here, you still felt safe?” Eddie questioned. 

“Yeah, you looked at me like you might actually believe me if I was to tell you what I’d been going through. You tried to make me laugh. Right until the end I felt safe with you Eddie,” she stated.

“I really really wish I could have saved you,” Eddie huffed, anger clear in his voice. 

They spent a while floating around the clearing and chatting, finding out more about each other. She told him about all the secrets of the basketball and cheerleading teams as they both giggled away. Eddie told her all about Hellfire and the campaign he had finished the evening he took her back to the trailer.  Chrissy told him about her family, her shitty mum and dad but also about her wonderful auntie and grandma who stood up to her mum whenever they could. Eddie told her about his own parents who skipped out on him for different reasons but also about Wayne who had taken him in and was better than a lot of dads he knew despite never wanting children of his own. 

The conversation changed to the upside down. Eddie asked Chrissy about what she could and couldn’t do down here and if she’d seen anyone else. 

“Yes actually I have, Barb Holland is around somewhere, the same with Fred and Patrick, I’ve seen them both as well. I’ve had a few good chats with Barb, she’s lovely, she was really helpful when I first ended up here. I can’t really interact with anything, my body seems to just go through it,” she replied. 

After saying their goodbyes and promising to see each other again very soon, Eddie decided to continue with his trip around Hawkins. Floating around the parts of the hospital he could, around the police station and around the arcade as well as everywhere else he could get into.

A while later, time had no concept anymore, neither light nor dark to tell night from day, no working clocks, probably for the best after Vecna, Eddie found himself back in Hawkins itself, followed by the bats who hadn’t seemed to want to leave him alone since he woke up. There was no one around at all, no cars even. Hell he wasn't really sure where he was heading, no real destination in mind. 

As Eddie floated through the centre of town he found the record store, as it looked in 1983, he walked through the door without opening it and started to look around. 

He saw posters advertising the newest Iron Maiden album at the time. The tour that Metallica were embarking on in the January of 1984. Suddenly it hit him. Surrounded by this ‘old’ music it showed him what he would be missing out on, what he would never have again. New music. He couldn't even touch things physically  so he didn't even have old music to listen to. He’d never play his sweetheart again. Never listen to the Master Of Puppets album again. The tickets for the Ozzy and Metallica show that Wayne had worked really hard to surprise Eddie with, wouldn't be used by him. Then there was the overwhelming emotional pain of missing Wayne. Did Wayne think he killed all those people? Wayne,  Eddie realised, would have come home from this shift, fully expecting to head to bed and then to go to sleep, to find the dead mutilated body of Chrissy Cunningham on the floor and Eddie gone. He couldn’t even remember what his last words to Wayne were.  

Eddie sat on the floor and screamed. Screamed for Chrissy, for Wayne, for Dustin, for Max. He beat his fists on the counter in front of him and was hit by the realisation that he was physically making contact with it, he was making noise against the front. It came as such a shock that he stopped screaming immediately, and then his hands fell right through again and back to his knee.

“Huh, that's an interesting development,” Eddie spoke. “Bet Henderson would be able to tell me what happened, I should probably go and find the little shit.” 

He headed in the direction of the Hendersons. Seeing Hawkins back in 1983 was really weird, not the weirdest thing to have ever happened to him but certainly up there. Eddie walked past shops that had long since closed down, or had moved locations. Places he had never been able to shop in he could now just walk into without the dirty looks.   

Eddie found the Henderson house, floated through the front door and saw straight away that this wasn’t the Henderson house. Someone else was very clearly living here at this point in time. Fuck.

As he floated away from the house, he had no idea where to go next. He wasn't sure how to contact the other side of the gate and he wouldn’t be able to touch anything if he could find it anyway. 

“Dustin saw me die didn’t he?” Eddie wondered out loud.

Once again the bats seemed to nod in response. That would always be weird. 

“So everyone else must think I’m dead?” He asked. 

Another nod.

“So they won't be coming back for me,” he whispered. 

He wasn’t quite sure how he knew this to be true but he was almost certain that if everyone was going to be anywhere, recovering from what they had gone through it was the Harrington Mansion. Luckily he knew they way, the parties back in the day had been very lucrative for his little side business. 

It took what felt like ages to float there. But finally, in front of him was the infamous Harrington Mansion, just as big as he remembered and with Steve's BMW sitting outside of it as well. Walking across the lawn and to the front door Eddie walked right through and into the entrance way. 

Eddie moved around the house slowly, trying to listen out for any sign of anyone on the other side of the vale. He tried shouting out for Henderson, for Steve, for Robin, for Nancy, for anyone. He tried moving things off the side but his hand just went through the items. It was then that he heard it, very faintly, but it was definitely there. Master of Puppets playing out to him from the other side. Now he was determined to make contact. 

“I’m alive!” He screamed, “Come back for me!” 

“Please,” he whispered. “Please find me” 

He finally remembered the one thing that he’d been told was always a sign of the Upside Down, lights. The kids, and older teens, had freaked out whenever any lights flickered. 

Eddie concentrated on the music he could faintly hear still and put his hand on the light switch, going through slightly but clearly making the lights in the hallway flicker. 

“What the fuck,” he heard.

It had been a very, very long 72 hours since they got out of the upside down and to the hospital. Various amounts of medical care were needed for everyone and aside from Max, Steve was kept the longest. His wounds had to be bandaged a couple of times before they would let him leave, the staff wanted him to stay for longer but suddenly being down staff members and up patient numbers meant they didn’t argue too much when Steve said he wanted to leave. Getting home was a blessing, Steve didn’t normally like the silence but a few minutes alone was needed. The dirty clothes in his bag needed to go straight into the washer so that's where he headed first. As he walked past the living room Steve caught the sight of the tape player they had all sat around before everything making mix tapes for everyone, just in case. He felt compelled to walk towards it, maybe to tidy it all up first. Sitting by the player he gathered everything together and made sure all the tapes were in the right cases. 

The last one, still sitting in the player, was Master of Puppets. Eddie had insisted on listening to it over and over again to make sure he knew it before going back into the Upside Down. 

Eddie, who was determined to graduate. Eddie who had been so full of life even at the end, wanting to be strong for Dustin. Eddie with his big brown doe eyes and his even bigger personality. Eddie, who even in the short few days Steve had really known him, had shown him a glimpse of a future. A future snuffed out with Eddie’s last breath. His first ‘round’ with the upside down and he ends up dead. Steve should never have forced Eddie and Dustin to be decoys, he should have sent them both home before they went to kill Vecna, they should have had another plan. Eddie should not have died in that horrid place. A victim like Chrissy, Patrick and Fred.

Turning the volume up on the player as loud as it could go he pressed play and let the music engulf him. He stood up and went about what he set out to do, putting his clothes in the washer. Everything was in, bar the vest. Steve stood holding the vest, just standing there looking at it. Leaving it on top of the washer Steve turned around to go about getting clean himself and then going to sleep when he saw it. The lights were flickering. He could hear that the song was coming to an end and the lights were flickering. 

“What the fuck,” he said outloud. 

This couldn’t be, the Upside own was finished. Vecna was dead and the gates all closed. Then he noticed it, the pattern, the lights were making 3 quick flickers 3 longer flashes and 3 quick flickers again. S.O.S. Could Eddie really be alive? 

The relief washed over him. If Eddie was communicating with him then he must be alive in some way. He needed to work out what to do, he couldn’t yet get everyone else involved, they were enjoying being at home with their families. No, he’d do this himself until he had to get everyone else involved with whatever rescue mission was needed. With the idea of a shower and sleep behind him now Steve grabbed a notebook and a pen and sat down at the kitchen table to write down everything he knew about the Upside Down, gates and anything else supernatural. 

It wasn’t until he heard the front door open that he looked up and noticed it was now dark outside. 

“Robbie?” Steve said into the darkness, closing the book and pushing it away from him.

“Yeah it’s me dingus, you ok? Sitting in the dark all by yourself,” Robin asked, concern obvious in her voice. 

“Yeah, I’m ok, I was just sitting here and didn’t even realise it had gone dark. What are you doing here anyway? Why aren't you with your parents?” He questioned, trying to change the subject.

“Wanted to make sure you’re ok, your parents aren’t here and I didnt want you to be on your own,” she replied, coming over and giving him a hug, “What's this?” Robin questioned poking at the notebook.

“It’s nothing,” Steve whispered, he needed her to leave this alone for now. 

“Steve, I’m not going to push, just know I'm here for you,” Robin said. 

“Thank you,” He replied. “Anyway don’t you have a date tonight?” 

“I called J and rescheduled, explained about the earthquake and everything and how I needed to help clean up and just needed to be with the family tonight,” Robin shrugged. “Want to watch a movie and judge everyone before we fall asleep on the couch and get really uncomfortable?” 

“I couldn’t think of a better way of spending the evening, shall we make some food first?” He suggested.

20 minutes later they were both sat down with Top Gun on and huge bowls of pasta.

“Kelly McGillis is so hot,” Robin sighed. 

“Not as hot as Tom Cruise,” Steve replied.

They couldn’t hear him or see him and he couldn’t see them or hear them any more but Eddie was in the room with them humming along to Master of Puppets hoping that someone had got his message earlier and that they were coming to save him.

The pair spent the rest of the evening watching films and judging everyone in them. However Steve couldn't shrug off the feeling he should tell Robin, at least she would probably know what to do. He was so grateful for her turning up to make sure he was ok though, he didn't have the heart to ruin it. He'd show her everything in the morning. 

Later that night they crawled into bed together and as per their custom Robin was the big spoon. She was tiny but they both felt better sleeping this way. They fell into a restless slumber, too exhausted to be kept awake by the horrors that they had seen but not settled enough for it to be restful. 

The next morning they woke up and made breakfast. Over an unusually quiet breakfast for the pair, Steve thought about what was written in his notebook. Having slept he felt better about letting Robin know what he had seen. Once toast had been eaten and coffee drank, Steve pushed the notebook towards Robin and stood up to do the dishes. "Steve, why does this page have Eddie's alive with a question mark at the top. And why is this followed by everything we know about the upside down and supernatural things in general?" Robin whispered. "The lights flickered," he answered simply. "Just like the S.O.S that Eddie told us about." 

"He was dead though babes, we all checked for any sign of a pulse, all over this body. There wasn't one," Robin countered. 

"Look, I know that, ok. I know the gate is closed and I know we all checked for a pulse and it wasn't there, but the lights flickered and it was S.O.S," he replied, pinching his nose to stop himself crying. 

"Okay, do we need to get everyone else involved?" Robin asked, believing him.

"Maybe later. Can we just have a think if there's anything I've forgotten before we let them know? They're all still just kids and they're with their families right now," he suggested.

"Of course we can," Robin smiled, cuddling into him from behind.

"I really hope he's alive Bobbie," Steve sniffled.

"Oh dingus, me too," she sighed.

"Steve, I know you don't want to get them involved just yet but if Eddie is down there on his own we need to help him. We both know we can't do this on our own, it wouldn't help anyone and we'd just get ourselves into danger. Would you want to tell them what happened when we both come back half dead?" Robin said after their second morning together.

"Yeah, I know. I'll radio them soon and get everyone here and see what they say," He sighed. "I just want them to be kids for once."

“Me too dingus, me too, but we need their help,” the girl responded, pulling him into a hug.

They both got showered and dressed for the day and then Steve radioed Dustin.

"Henderson, you there dude?" Steve spoke into the walkie.

"Steve? Everything okay?" came the static reply of Dustin seconds later.

"Gather everyone at yours in 30 minutes. I'm picking you all up and bringing you here," Steve said, trying not to sound as stressed as he felt. Was he really dragging them all back into this bullshit?

"Sure okay, guys check in if you heard that," Dustin responded.

Different variations of 'heard' could be overheard from the walkie as each party member said they would be there.

"Right, sit down, I need to tell you something," Steve started a little while later when all of the party were all sitting in the Harrington living room.

"Are you dying?" Dustin asked straight away.

"Did you get Robin pregnant?" Mike asked.

"Are you moving away?" Lucas questioned him.

"No, no, none of that. Especially the Robin being pregnant thing, she’s like my sister dude," Steve replied, already exasperated. 

"Well you've never had an issue fucking sisters," Mike retorted.

"Just yours Wheeler, just yours," Steve said straight faced.

"Just listen, please," Steve sighed. "A couple of nights ago when I got home from the hospital I was playing Master of Puppets at full volume and the lights flickered, like S.O.S, like Eddie showed us. I didn't hear anything but I know what I saw. I'm not clever enough to work this shit out on my own. I'm not asking anyone to come back down there if it's needed, I will do that alone. I just need help working out what's going on and how to go about fixing it."

"Oh yeah, like we're going to let you go back down there on your own," Dustin huffed, rolling his eyes. "So, which lights? Was it just the S.O.S or was it other flickering too? You said you didn't hear anything else but are you sure? Any kind of static from the radio? From the tape player? We need to see if we can contact the other side. Going to be a bit difficult if we don't know if Eddie is here or not. Like in the house still," Dustin rambled, question after question being thrown at Steve.

"Just the lights in the hallway that I saw, nothing else at all even vaguely weird. Robin did you hear anything or see anything last night or the night before?" Steve asked, turning to Robin for the last question.

"Nope," She responded, shaking her head.

Dustin's immediate reaction was to jump up and run to the light in question, clearly in the hopes to find some way of using them to communicate with Eddie.

"Okay so how do we talk to him?" Mike asked as he followed Dustin into the hallway.

"Can we even talk to him? Like if he's dead and a ghost or something will we be able to talk to him?" Dustin wondered out loud.

“Well he communicated with us so we should be able to talk back to him in some way. Like we did with the lite-brite the other day, we’ll figure this out ok. We need to. Eddie needs us again,” Steve pointed out.

“We could use the walkie talkie or a radio as a spiritbox type thing?” Robin suggested. “Kinda sweep the frequencies and see if we get anything at all from the upside down at all, it's kind of a different world like talking to a ghost would be.” 

The party spent the rest of the day going through different channels on their walkies and walking around the house trying to get something, anything. They had gone through all the channels and walked around the whole of the Harrington house getting nothing back. 

“I don’t think we’re going to get anything,” Will sighed. 

“What’s different now than when you saw the lights Steve?” Mike asked.

“Music!” Robin shouted, jumping up. “Sorry, Steve said when he saw the lights he had Master of Puppets on full blast.” 

“Yes! That’s it! Steve, where’s the tape and the tape player?” Dustin asked. 

Steve found them both and soon the opening notes were blasting from the speakers and around the house. 

They restarted their checks with the walkies, concentrating in the hallway, less than 3 minutes later and a walkie picked something up. 

" 'derson," came a crackly voice through the walkie that Lucas was holding in the hallway. 

“Holy shit Eddie! It’s Lucas, man is that really you?” the younger boy asked excitedly. 

“Older Sinclair! Man, it's good to hear your voice. Yeah it’s me,” came the staticky reply. 

“Lucas, what channel are you on?” Dustin demanded to know. 

“Eddie! Eddie, it’s me, It’s Dustin,” Dustin said into the walkie once he had tuned it right.  

“Henderson, I’m so fucking sorry,” Eddie replied quietly. 

“Dude, we’re going to fix this okay, we’re going to bring you home,” the curly haired boy said. 

“Operation Let’s Bring This Idiot Home has officially begun,” Robin laughed into her walkie. 

“Now I know I’m saved with the brain of everything helping the kids, is the brawn behind your brains helping too or is King Steve too busy?” 

“I’m here you jackass, stay close to whatever you’re using to speak to us. We could use your weird knowledge of things.” 

“Always happy to be a fountain of weird knowledge. I’ll stay where I am. Over and out for now,” Eddie replied before the music ended and the static of the radio started up again.

Eddie didn’t think anything would be able to wipe the smile off his face. Having human contact again after days of no one but bats to talk too and it being the people he went down fighting alongside felt amazing. Knowing that they wanted to help him potentially get back to the right side up gave him a feeling that he never thought he would feel again, hope. 

He wanted to go and wander around and explore more of the Upside Down, he wanted to know how far it spanned. Was it just Hawkins that was affected or was further afield having the same issues. He also wanted to be nosey in peoples houses, as much as his ghostly body would allow anyway. However he needed to stay close to the radio he had been able to communicate to them through. Unable to actually take it with him. 

He waited around for what felt like ages. He hoped someone would check in with some update or idle chit chat, but no, silence. The more the silence drew on and on the more the bad thoughts crept back in. Eddie had had time since ‘waking up’ to accept that this was his new normal but since the talk with the party he allowed himself to think about going home, about hugging Dustin again, seeing Wayne again, about 6 kids, a winnebago and a road trip.

Had they already forgotten about him? He couldn’t be sure how much time had passed with no way of gauging time of day. He also didn’t know if time worked the same down here as it did up there. Trying to convince himself that a large amount of time hadn’t actually passed was difficult but he had to try.

“Hey, guy’s, is anyone there?” He asked, touching the radio, which seemed to be the only way he could get it to work. 

Silence. 

No reply came at all, not even static. 

He sat and waited, speaking into the radio another few times, trying different things to see if that would help. He had no luck.

Eddie felt helpless again. 

The little bit of hope he had ripped away from him as quickly as it had come.

How was he going to recover from this now? He’s already come to terms with being stuck down here forever now but he’d, albeit for a brief moment, had hoped that that would change. 

“Eddie, you there man?” Steve asked later that evening, something told him he needed to check in with the other man. He couldn’t imagine how lonely it must be to be left alone down there. 

Nothing came back. 

“Munson, you there? It’s Steve,” Steve said again. “Harrington, Steve Harrington, just like in case you know another Steve.” Maybe he had been hanging out with Robin too long.

Still nothing. 

Has the connection they made been lost? Has something happened? Had Eddie just wandered away and couldn’t hear him? All kinds of thoughts ran through his head.

Steve was trying the radio over and over walking around the house. 

“Hey dingus, everything ok?” Robin asked, waking into the house and seeing him pacing. 

“I can’t get Eddie back again Robin, he’s gone,” Steve replied frantically, trying the radio one more time. 

“Okay, we can sort it,” she replied calmly. 

“What if he’s gone this time Bobs?” he whispered. 

“He isn't okay, we know this. It took us ages to get in contact last time. We can keep trying okay. You did forget the music though. I can’t say for certain that helps the link but it’s not a coincidence that the 2 times contact has been made that music was involved,” she reassured him, pulling him into a hug.

“You’re right, let’s get it playing and see if that works again,” he replied, breathing out the breath he felt like he’d been holding for ages. 

They got the tape playing and Steve tried again. 

“Hey Munson, you there man?” He asked again, hoping he sounded a lot calmer than he felt. 

“Steve Harrington as I, well, float in another worldly place,” Eddie replied, drawing out Steve’s name. “How can I help big boy?” 

“Just wanted to check in, see how you’re doing,” Steve replied, trying his best to hide his blush from Robin, the smirk on her face suggested he hadn’t been successful. “Guessed it must be pretty lonely down there, and it’s just me and Robin here right now” 

“I’ve made friends with the bats!” Eddie exclaimed, glee clear in his voice.

“The bats?!” Robin shouted after taking the walkie from Steve. 

“Yes, they’re not too bad when they’re not killing me,” he laughed, he could just imagine the look on both their faces. “Oh you’ll never guess who else is down here! I haven’t spent all that much time with her but we did spend some time together, Chrissy.” 

Steve looked at Robin straight away, he could sense the impending freakout before it happened.

“That’s great! Maybe we can errmm, talk to her sometime, I guess, like maybe. She probably doesn’t want to talk to me, or us I mean, she didn’t even know us really,” Robin rambled. 

“I get it Robin, she’s a very beautiful girl,” Eddie replied casually. Robin’s shoulders relaxed at being accepted without having to say the words. “I was always slightly more inclined towards the basketball team rather than the cheerleaders but I have been known to look their way.” 

Days passed and the group did research into all things to do with ghosts and discussed their collective knowledge of the Upside Down. Robin had made a couple of long tapes with Eddie's favourite songs once they realised that any music that Eddie connected with emotionally worked to bridge the gap between worlds. They left a tape running any time someone was awake and in the house. 

Everyone had gone home on the fifth day of brainstorming when Eddie’s voice came across the walkie that they had made sure could always be used by him. 

“Steve, you there?” he asked. 

“Yeah I’m here. Miss me already?”

“You weren't meant to figure it out,” Eddie laughed. 

“Secrets safe with me,” Steve responded with a laugh. “All jokes aside, everything ok? Need something?”

“Yeah, a huge favour actually. Can you help me keep everyone away from Riffer Rick's bedroom if you guys have to come down here. My, erm, physical body is in there. It’s not pretty and I don’t want anyone seeing that unless it can be changed.”

“Yeah, of course. If someone needs to go there it’ll be me,” Steve said, nodding as though he could be seen.

Almost two weeks later the party realised they had as much information as they could gather and the next step, they all decided, was heading down into the Upside Down. 

“I know you don’t want to but I think we’re going to need El involved in this. I’m not sure how we can open the gate without her,” Dustin declared. 

Everyone else agreed reluctantly and Mike gave her a call to fill her in on everything so far.

“I have sensed something a little different down there. I couldn’t quite work out what it was though, it didn’t feel evil. Just sad mostly, sparks of happiness but mostly sad,” El explained when she joined the group.

“Can you open the gate again so that we can go and see him?” Mike asked her. 

“Possibly yes, I can feel the one in the pool a little still so maybe I can open that one up again,” El replied.

“A gate in the pool?” Nancy whispered “Where it came and took Barb. I never thought about that.” 

“So El, you can open the gate up and we can head in, save Eddie and bring him home,” Dustin said cheerily. 

“Let’s take it one step at a time shall we?” Steve replied. 

Heading out into the back garden and over to the empty pool the group looked around to see if anything looked any different. 

“I can feel it the strongest here,” El said as she stood near the diving board. “I can open this gate up. I can’t feel anything dangerous and Eddie said that he hasn’t seen anything bad right?”

“Said he’d made friends with the bats,” Robin scoffed. 

El got ready and sat on the diving board. Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes, held her hands out and concentrated. The air suddenly felt heavier. A rip in the very fabric of the universe started to open and continued to spread. Once the gate was open fully El placed her hands by her side and opened her eyes again. 

“It’s open and I can’t feel anything bad in there,” El said as she took a tissue from Will who had rushed over to her. 

The silence was deafening. Any noise that there seemed to be before the gate was opened had disappeared. 

“Right, let’s get going then,” Dustin said, stepping forward. 

“Just me, Robin, Nancy and Jonathan are heading in ok. We can’t risk any of you but we’re all adults and have made this decision,” Steve said, one hand on his hip and the other pointing at each of the party in turn.

“Right, let's just go in and bring this idiot back,” Robin sighed, picking up her axe. 

They had spoken at length with Eddie about what creatures could be found down there. He’d said they were harmless but they couldn’t be sure what would happen when people who weren’t connected to the Upside Down entered. 

Steve went in first, trusty nailbat swinging by his side. Jonathan and Nancy followed him, Nancy with her shawnoff pointed dead ahead and Jonathan with a pistol in hand. Robin followed the group with her axe held ready to strike should it be needed. 

“Watch for the vines guys, don’t forget about the hive mind. We don’t know what connection they have now. Also we’re not sure what kind of connection they have to Eddie either so don’t hurt any of them because we don’t want to hurt him as well,” Robin rambled. 

“I hate this place, it’s no less creepy now than it was when we were last here fighting for our lives,” Nancy commented. 

“You weren’t joking when you said this place was stuck in ‘83. The Phillips still have that awful tree that always used to overhang the sidewalk,” Jonathan said looking around. 

“She was such a bitch too, always on at me and Tommy over something or other. Plus her cooking was lousy and they were always cheating on each other. Broke up 3 other marriages between them,” Steve replied off handedly. 

Walking around the Upside Down when something wasn’t trying to kill them was a whole new experience for each of them. This time the place was silent, all bar their footsteps and chatter. The sky was no longer red with lightning above them, no bats or other demo creatures were trying to kill them, just silence. They knew that Eddie had been spending a lot of his time at the Harrington residence as that was the only place they could communicate with him. So that’s where they headed too. 

“This is all suspiciously quiet down here. This has not been my experience of this place so far. Is this ok or are we walking into a trap? Oh shit. Did we ever take a second to check if this was actually Eddie? We all saw him dead, Steve you tried chest compressions and Nancy you checked for a pulse. What if we didn’t actually kill Venca and he’s bringing us down here hoping we come back down without much of a plan so he can kill us and get free?” Robin questioned. 

“Robs, it’s Eddie ok. Trust me,” Steve replied. 

The group continued to walk towards the Harrington residence without issue and finally they were there. 

“Munson, you here man?” Steve asked as he walked into the house. It felt so weird for him to be seeing the house as it was in ‘83, before everything started.

He could almost see a younger version of himself sitting on the couch watching something on TV. Or sitting with the book club he joined talking about their neighbours. 

“Yeah in your super posh living room,” Eddie said, interrupting Steve’s thoughts before they could spiral any further. 

They all walked into the living room with their weapons ready to attack if it wasn’t actually Eddie. 

“Guys, I’m a ghost. You can’t kill me any further and a nail bat or gun isn’t going to get rid of me,” Eddie laughed. 

“I brought an iron poker as well,” Robin declared, unhooking it from her belt. 

“A wise woman, Buckley, but please keep it away from me. We don’t actually want me to disappear,” Eddie said, moving further away from her.

“The weapons were for more fleshy creatures than yourself, no offence obviously,” Nancy pointed out. 

“I told you they're all harmless, nothing will hurt you. Venca is dead. I can’t feel him at all and the bats agree,” he sighed.

“Right so Eddie is officially a ghost, we don’t know where his body is, we don’t know what state that body is in, and we have no way of getting ghost Eddie back into human Eddie even if parts 1 and 2 weren’t an issue, which they are,” Robin spoke up. 

“I, erm, know where my body is. The physical one anyway but parts 2 and 3 are still an issue so,” Eddie said sadly.

“Let's go and see what we’re dealing with then,” Nancy said, turning to leave clearly having already made up her mind that they were heading to Eddie’s body next. 

“I think we should ask Eddie what he wants to do about his body. He should be given the choice as to who gets to see him like, well, that,” Steve shrugged. 

“Thank you Stevie. I just want you guys to know that bits of the flesh are missing. It’s clearly a very dead body ok. It’s not pretty. None of you need to see it if you don’t want to, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. I asked Steve to keep the kids away so they didn’t have to see it but I would really consider if you want to see that or not,” Eddie said before the group could move too far. 

“Thanks for the heads up Eddie but if we’re going to fix this at least one of us that can go right side up needs to see your body so we know exactly what needs to be done,” Nancy nodded at him.

“Lead the way then,” Robin said. 

The group all left the Harrington house and started their way through the woods towards Riffer Rick's place. Their surroundings stayed as quiet as it was when they entered the Upside Down a few minutes prior. The bats follow at a safe distance behind them. 

“I don’t like that they’re following us at all, it’s really creepy,” Robin pointed out. “Can they stop please?’

“They don’t like you guys being down in their territory either. Last time you were here you guys set fire to things and did a lot of harm. Plus killing their master,” Eddie shrugged. “They’re not going to hurt you though if you don’t do anything.”

“Does this pose a future issue of getting your body out of here? Is that maybe something we need to be careful of?” Jonathan questioned as they reached the house and walked inside.

“I don’t think so but maybe we need a game plan for that happening,” Eddie replied. “Right, I’m in the bedroom, I mean my body is in the bedroom. Please remember what I said earlier about what’s in there before you just walk in.”

“I’ll go and look, no one else needs to join me if they don't want to,” Nancy said, walking towards the bedroom. Steve followed behind her.

A few minutes later Nancy and Steve both walked back out. 

“The first issue would be the fact your body has no blood in it but it doesn’t actually look like it's started to decompose which is good,” Nancy declared. “We’d have to close up  the wounds. Get at least 5 pints of blood into you and restart your heart.”

“Not a lot then, we could get all of that done in an hour or so right?” Eddie deadpanned. “Let's face it guys, we can't do that. My spiritual being is outside of my body and we have no way of fixing that. I’m dead and I’m staying dead. Is there any chance someone could explain all this enough to Wayne so I can speak to him again though please?”

“Yeah of course, anything to help,'' Robin replied. “Should we have a look around? Make sure Vecna/ Henry / 001 is dead? May as well make sure the job is done.” 

“Sure, let's head over to the Creel house and check it out,” Jonathan shrugged.

The group walked back into Hawkins and through the town and passed the Memorial Hospital.

“We could burn it down?” Robin suggested, nudging Steve, as they walked past Family Video.

“We could always burn the school down instead?” Eddie countered as they went past Hawkins high.

Finally they were walking up the path towards the Creel house. 

“I know we’re all thinking it and I just want you all to know that even if we can’t get this situation fixed I appreciate you all trying. It means a lot that you all came down here to try and help, even though you had no idea what was waiting for you when you got here. So yeah, even if I’m still a ghost at the end of all this, Thank you,” Eddie said as the group made its way inside the creepy house. 

“This really is an awful place. I can still feel the vines around me,” Robin commented with a shudder. 

“There’s so much cool shit in this house that I want to explore but I can’t physically pick anything up which sucks,” Eddie said, looking around the hallway. “Buckley, can you help me explore?” 

“Don’t touch anything yet, we still need to make sure this place is safe,” Nancy spoke up.

“It’s safe,” came a voice from behind them. 

“Hey Chris, you know everyone right?” Eddie greeted Chrissy. 

“I know faces, but not everyone’s names. I know you, obviously. Steve from basketball and Robin from band, really wish I’d gotten to know you better Robin,” she spoke softly. “I’m really sorry but I don’t know either of your names,” she apologised, turning to Nancy and Jonathan. 

“I’m Jonathan Byers and this is Nancy Wheeler,” Jonathan smiled awkwardly.

“Right, now we’ve all been introduced, can we have a look around this place now. See what kind of things could be taken back to the right side up or just fun things down here,” Eddie declared. 

The group spent lots of time looking around each room in the house, after Chrissy had helped Eddie learn how to float up the stairs. The last room they looked in was an old library filled full of very old books and some handwritten texts. They spent time looking through each of them seeing if there was anything that could be useful to anything. 

“Erm guys, I think I may have found something,” Robin spoke up. “It certainly isn’t a normal book, looks super old and it’s giving me a really weird feeling.”

“Let’s have a look,” said Steve, walking up beside her and taking the book from her and looking through. 

“Open it!” Eddie insisted, a manic look on his face as he was on the other side of Robin.

“Alright, alright,” Robin sighed.

Instantly a ghostly green glow started to come from the book. 

“This is amazing,” Eddie cackled. 

“We need to close this book now and hope that it didn’t do any damage to either the Upside Down or the Right Side Up,” Robin said, trying to close the book.

“We should have a look through it to see if it can help any. If any book in here can, it's this one,” Steve pointed out.

“Have neither of you seen The Evil Dead? Nothing good can come from using this book for anything,” She sighed. 

“Can we at least look through it to see? This could be my only hope to fix all of this,” he asked, gesturing to himself. 

“Fine,” Robin sighed. “But I 100% reserve the right to say I told you so when this all goes wrong.” 

“Let’s take this back and get the party to look through it, see if those nerds can find something in it,” Steve suggested.

The group headed back out of the Creel house after finishing their look around and headed back towards the gate and the right side up. 

“We’ll keep in contact over the walkie as normal and we’ll come back and see you if we can’t get this sorted quickly,” Steve said, having to keep his hand still to stop himself from reaching out to touch Eddie. 

“Yeah ok Stevie, I’ll sit by the radio waiting for your call,” Eddie smiled shyly. “See you guys soon, yeah?”

“Bye Robin, good to see you,” Chrissy said, waving at the other girl. “Bye guys,” she finished and then floated away.

“Erm Buckley you got a sec?” Eddie spoke up as Robin just stood and looked at the space where Chrissy had been. 

“Sure, what’s up?” She asked, shaking herself and stepping towards him. 

“I’m not sure if you were being serious earlier about speaking to Uncle Wayne about all of this. But it really would mean the world to both me and him if we could talk again, even if it’s just one last time,” Eddie spoke nervously.

“I said I would and I will, ok. As soon as we know exactly what is going on with you I’ll talk to him. No need to upset him with you being dead if we can bring you back,” she smiled. 

“I owe you one, seriously. Once I’m all ok, whatever you want, just ask,” Eddie said

“Just take care of him ok, he’s not as strong as he makes out. That’s all I ask in return.” 

“What?” Eddie stammered. “I don’t know what you’re on about.”

“Yes you do. I’m not going to say a word though,” She nodded. 

Eddie nodded in response and turned to float away again. 

Back at the Harrington house the party, along with Steve, Robin, Nancy and Jonathan sat down with the book. Dustin had previously made sure that a walkie had been made so that the button didn’t have to be pushed in to talk to Eddie.

They spent the rest of the day and some of the following day having a read through the book to see if anything was useful. 

“There’s a whole section in this book dedicated to exorcisms. Eddie, you’d love that! You can shout Latin at people and they’ll think you’re cursing them but you’re really just telling demons to get away,” Dustin laughed.

“Oh dude that sounds amazing! You’ll have to show me when we get all of this fixed,” Eddie replied, clearly also very entertained by the prospect. 

“Hey, wait here a second!” Dustin exclaimed. “I actually think I’ve found something! There’s something in here called the Transmutational Resurrection Spell. The Latin incantation translates to ‘Restore the blood. Restore the flesh. Restore the bone. Bring the spirit and warm the body. After death, made whole again.’ This could be useful, it would need Eddie’s blood though which I don’t think we have.” 

“Is it a good job one of the 6 languages I speak is Latin?” Robin sighed, “Write it down for me please Steven then I can start learning it.” 

“I, erm, still have his battle vest and I was wearing it whilst I tried to do CPR, that should have some of his blood on it still,” Steve said sheeplishly. “I didn’t have time to put a wash on okay! Things happened very quickly once I got home,” he defended.

“We need to discuss what we do if this works and what we do if this doesn’t work. We can’t just go into this with no plan at all,” Nancy spoke up.  

“This is starting to sound like a DnD quest,” Eddie laughed. “If this doesn’t work then that’s okay. We tried, well you guys tried.” 

“Stop with that shit okay,” Steve huffed. “You were the only reason we know you’re down there. You did the S.O.S on the lights and got us to look around the Creel house. So stop with that self-deprecating bullshit, okay, it’s not cute.”

“Yeah, ok Stevie, just for you.” 

The group spent the rest of the afternoon talking through the best way to get Eddie’s soul back into his body and then to get his body, alive, out of the hell pit that is the Upside Down. Nancy and Jonathan took the party and Robin home and left Steve alone at the start of the evening. He made something to eat, changed the tape in the player and moved everything to be as close to the love seat so that he could curl up with some food and talk to Eddie. 

“Hey Eds you there?” he asked. 

“Yeah I’m here Stevie, everything ok?” came the reply. 

“Everythings fine. Just wanted to check in with you, seen as it's just us now,” Steve responded.

“Got me alone, have you sweetheart?” Eddie chuckled. “I’m not that kind of girl Stevie, need to wine and dine me first.” 

“It’s a date,” he responded, not really thinking and feeling his cheeks heat up as he realised what he’d said. 

“As soon as I’m fit enough we can work out the details of that date, yeah?” Eddie hummed.

“Once I’m finished with my food, do you want me to read something to you? I’m sure there’s something here I could read for you if you wanted me too?” Steve asked, trying to keep his cool when all he wanted to do was kick his legs and giggle. 

“That really would be great. Anything you have, takeaway menus included, I will happily listen too,” Eddie replied, a smile clear in his voice.

The rest of the evening consisted of talking through everything, from how they were actually dealing with everything to what Eddie's first meal would be when he could eat again. A conversation spurred on by Steve actually reading the takeaway menus to him through lots of laughter and silly voices. 

Lying in bed that night, for the first time in days, Steve felt hopeful for the future. There was no doubt that he liked Eddie as more than friends, the physical attraction to the other man had always been there. After spending time with him over the last few days though and talking to him for hours tonight there was no ignoring that the attraction ran deeper than how good Eddie looked.

A banging on his front door the following morning woke Steve up. 

“Is the world ending again?” He asked as soon as he opened the door, showing Robin to be on the other side. 

“Yes actually my world is ending ok Steven so a little sympathy would be great right now, thank you,” she replied, walking into his house and heading to the kitchen. 

“What’s happening?” He asked, following her into the kitchen and starting to make coffee. 

“I still like Chrissy but I spent the evening with J and I really like J too. It’s a mess,” she replied, helping him make coffee by getting their favourite mugs out and grabbing the sugar and creamer. 

“Ok,” he responded, clearly thinking his next words through. “Does J know about what happened? I’m assuming you weren’t silly enough to tell her everything but does she know what’s in the press?” 

“Yeah, she does. She’s mentioned it in passing a couple of times but never pressed for anything.” 

“So maybe being honest with her is the best way to go?” he shrugged. “It’s not like you’re looking to move in together next week, get married the week after and adopt 4 kids and a cat by Christmas. You could tell her that you really enjoy seeing her exactly as you are but that you really need to keep it at this pace for a little bit?”

“What if she’s not ok with it?” She whispered. 

“Then she’s no good for you anyway. You’re not telling J that you were in love with Chrissy or that you two were in a relationship. You’re telling her that you had the feelings for someone who is unfortunately now dead and that it’s caused a bit of emotional conflict within yourself and you wanted to make her aware of this,” he said, passing her a cup of coffee. 

The pair sat down at the breakfast bar and ate cereal chatting away, catching up on the gossip that Robin had heard from her mom last night. 

“I think I have feelings for Eddie,” Steve whispered as he was washing the dishes. 

“That’s ok. Thank you for telling me,” Robin replied, leaning her head into him as she was drying the dishes he was washing. “He’ll be back with us soon and you can woo him with romantic metal songs and pretty painted miniatures.”

“You really think so?” He asked.

“Yes, no doubt about it. Pull out all your best moves and he’ll be yours before you know it,” she smiled. “Anyway, I’ve spent most of the night awake learning that incantation and I think I have it nailed. Dustin said that he and the rest of the party were meeting early at the Wheeler’s house so that they can make sure they know what else is needed for this to work and Nancy said that she was going to look into ways of making sure we could bring Eddie home at least alive enough.” 

Steve got ready for the day and before 10am he had a living room filled with everyone again, all talking over each other about the plan they had concocted. 

“One at a time please,” Steve shouted loudly over them all.

Calmly Will explained the plan. They would move Eddie’s body close to the open gate, Robin would perform the incantation and then Nancy and Jonathan would perform any immediate medical intervention needed. Nancy having stocked up on supplies at the drugstore on their way over to Steves. 

Gathering everything together, weapons included, the group headed towards the gate again. 

“Good morning everyone, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Eddie asked cheerfully as the group headed into the Harrington home and found him in the living room. 

“Eddie!” Dustin shouted running towards the other man, catching himself short of trying to hug him.

“Hey Henderson, missed you too,” Eddie beamed.

“Shall we get this all started?” Nancy suggested “Not wishing to break up this reunion but we really should try and see if we can get Eddie back into his body as soon as possible.” 

“Yeah Nance is right, let’s head over to Rick’s and bring Eddie back to the gate entrance and sort this all out ok,” Robin agreed. 

Walking back over to Rick’s, Steve was trying to think of a way that they could move the body but still keep Eddie’s wish of the party not seeing him like that. 

“Erm, Nance, Jon, can I grab you both for a second? You guys carry on,” Steve shouted. “Eddie requested that I don't let the party see his body, he doesn’t want to be remembered like that. Do you have any wipes with you Nance and I can clean his face off? And Jon will you help me carry him? I thought we could cover all but his face with a sheet and carry him like that. Means that all anyone will be able to see is his face.”

“Yeah I’ve got some in the bag ready to clean any wounds but we can clean his face off first,” Nancy replied. “It’s a really good idea Steve”

“And sure, I’ll help you carry his body. Sounds like the best idea to have him wrapped in a cover anyway,” Jonathan agreed. 

“Thanks guys,” Steve smiled at the pair.

As they all reached the house Steve stopped them all.

“I want you all to stay out of the bedroom okay, no questions asked, just do as I say.” Steve said, hands on hips making eye contact with each as he spoke.

They all entered the house and Steve, Nancy and Jonathan went towards the bedroom ready to get Eddie’s body cleaned up and moved. 10 minutes later and the three walked back out into the main part of the shack with the body bundled up in a blanket and being carried between Steve and Jonathan. 

“I’ll go ahead and keep a lookout for anything trying to attack us if everyone else can kind of spread out around Jonathan, Steve and Eddie with Robin at the back?” Nancy suggested as the group filled back out of the shack. They all nodded their approval of her plan. 

All of a sudden there was an almighty screeching sound followed by the sound of the bats taking flight. Nancy raised her gun ready to shoot and the others stood around with their various weapons raised ready to fight. 

“Please don’t hurt them, can you all lower your weapons?” Eddie shouted quickly. “Hey guys, my friends are helping me okay, they’re not doing anything to hurt me.” he said more calmly, addressing the bats this time. 

The bats stopped screeching and settled back onto the fencing by Rick’s. 

They got Eddie’s body to the edge of the gate and placed it down on the sheets and blankets they had placed on the ground earlier. 

Eddie got as close as he could to his body, Robin knelt next to it and held the vest in her hands.

“Restituo sanguis. Restituo carnes. Restituo os. Afferte spiritus et calidum corpus. Post mortem, natus totum iterum.” She chanted over and over again.

At first it didn’t seem to be doing anything and then all of a sudden his soul was pulled back into his body and everything went black to him and his ghost vanished from sight for everyone else. 

Eddie lay on the ground still covered in the blanket for what felt like hours. Not moving or even awake, just laying there. 

“He’s got a pulse, it’s strong and his breathing is good too, I think he just needs some rest.” Nancy said, standing back up from checking Eddie over again. 

“Let’s get him out of here and into the house. He needs to be warm and comfortable and to be somewhere safe. Who knows what could still happen whilst we wait for him to be okay enough to move.” Steve suggested. 

Between Steve and Jonathan they picked Eddie up and carried him to the house. Getting him onto the sofa. 

“Should we bring a mattress downstairs so that when he wakes up he doesn’t need to move around so much to get everything he’ll need? You have a bathroom and everything down here plus the kitchen and access to the outside.” Robin suggested. 

“Yeah, yeah that’s a really good idea! My dad’s old office is empty, we can set a bed up in there. I’m sure my parents have an old bed frame they took apart and never got rid off and I know there’s a spare mattress as well. Some of you shitheads want to come and help me make a bedroom for Eddie?” Steve asked. 

They all agreed and everyone but Nancy, Robin and El,  went to help Steve. 

“Is Steve ok?” Nancy suddenly asked, turning to Robin. 

“Erm, yeah, I mean as well as any of us really are I guess” Robin replied. 

“Good, I worry about him is all. He seems to really like Eddie though. Not sure I’d ever say I'd describe someone looking at a ghost as longingly, but he does.” Nancy chuckled. 

“Damn, you think Harrington preferred me as a ghost?” Eddie suddenly rasped out from where the girls were sitting beside him. 

“Eddie!” Robin gasped, reaching over to touch him. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I was a chew toy for a load of bats and my soul was thrown back into my body” he replied smiling weekly. 

“I'll grab you some pain relief and some water,” Nancy said, standing up and rushing from the room. 

“Hello Eddie, it's good to finally meet you in your physical form” El smiled, waving slightly. 

“Supergirl!” Eddie grinned as best he could. “Thank you for everything” 

“Ed’s” a whisper came from the doorway.

“Hey Stevie, “ Eddie replied sheepishly. 

“You’re okay” Steve breathed out, as though he had been holding his breath. 

“All thanks to you big boy.” the other boy smiled. 

“Erm El, shall we erm go and see if anyone is hungry or thirsty and sort some food and drink if needed” Robin said, gently taking El by the hand and leading her out the room. 

“We’re setting up a bedroom for you in the office, unless you have somewhere else you’d rather stay whilst you recover?” Steve said, stepping further into the room. 

“No, nowhere else I’d rather be” He smiled, attempting to sit up, only to fall back down again. 

“Lie back down and let's get some pain relief in you shall we.” Nancy ordered as she walked back into the room carrying a syringe. “IV morphine” she shrugged, nodding at it.

“Yeah, that sounds amazing to me. I’m not even going to question where you got it from or how much you have.” Eddie laughed before wincing in pain.

Eddie fell back asleep again within 5 minutes of having the morphine and spent the next 4 hours flat out, only waking up again because of the pain. 

Waking up with a wince and a groan he looked around the room the best he could. 

“Hey, I’m here, don't panic and don't try to move okay. Is the pain back again?” The voice of Steve came from behind him and seemed to be moving closer before it entered his vision. 

“Yeah the pain’s back again and this couch isn’t the most comfortable to have been lying on for hours.” 

“Okay, let's get you moved into your bedroom, sorry if it smells of cigar smoke and bourbon in there by the way. It was my dads office slash escape from the wife and kid room. Let me just go grab some more hands and we can get you moved okay.” Steve said as he left the room. 

He returned a couple of minutes later with Robin, Jonathan and Nancy following him. 

“We’re going to get you moved and then I’m going to give you more pain relief after we’ve got you settled. Let's start with getting you sat up shall we?” Nancy suggested.

With Steve taking the shoulders and Jonathan taking Eddie’s legs the two of them slowly and smoothly sat him up. 

“Jesus Christ that hurt so fucking much” Eddie said through gritted teeth, tears clear in his eyes. “Can we try the standing now” 

The two boys sat either side of him and placed his arms around their necks and their arms gently as they could around his waist. 

“On three, let's stand and then take a second.” Jonathan said, looking at Steve and Eddie, receiving nods from them both and then counting to three. 

With a lot of whimpering the four of them got Eddie moved and settled onto the bed and comfortable again.

“Here I’ve got some more pain relief for you.” Nancy informed as she entered the bedroom again. “We’ve been able to make you alive again and physically restore any flesh the bats took but you were still dead for over a week. Your body has not moved for almost all of that time. You’re going to be stiff and tired for a few days. Rest up and make sure you don’t push yourself. I believe Robin is on the phone to Wayne now. She’s not telling him you were dead and then alive again, she's just telling him that you’ve been found and are hurt but alive and here.”

“He’s on his way here now” Robin updated them both as she came into the room. “How you feeling now you’re in bed?” 

“Exhausted honestly. I’m so grateful to you for calling Wayne though and getting him to come over.” He replied. 

Once the morphine kicked in again Eddie fell back asleep.

Waking up again he was aware of someone sitting next to him with their hand on his arm. 

“Uncle Wayne?” Eddie rasped. 

“Yeah it’s me Ed’s. Need some water? We can help you sit up.” Wayne answered.

It was only then that Eddie noticed someone else was also sitting next to him, but on the other side of the bed. 

“Please,” Eddie smiled.

Some puffing and panting later Eddie was sitting up propped up by pillows and being helped to take a drink by Wayne. 

The rest of the evening was taken up by catching up with Wayne and the party who all filtered in inturn. Steve not leaving his side for more than 5 minutes at a time. 

The following day everyone went home to be back with their families and Eddie spent most of the day sleeping after being assisted to get into the shower and to wash and dry his hair. In the evening he was helped out into the living room. Sitting on the coffee table was Chinese takeout. Sweet and sour chicken, roast pork fried rice and prawn crackers all sat next to other containers. 

“You remembered '' Eddie whispered, sounding choked.

“What you wanted as your first meal back? Yeah of course I did. I didn’t think you would be up to it last night but figured you’d be ok with it tonight.” Steve shrugged, hoping his blush was hidden.

The boys sat and ate their take out, chatted and watched a couple episodes of The Golden Girls, naturally laughing and gossiping about their favourite characters all the way through. As the evening wore on and both boys became more and more tired they got closer and closer on the couch. 

“We should get you back into bed” Steve suggested at the end of their 5th episode. 

“Yeah ok, let's get moving” Eddie sighed. 

They got Eddie back into bed much easier than they had the evening before. A couple days of rest and pain relief having worked wonders. 

“You have more pain relief on the nightstand as well as a couple of bottles of water and a couple snacks.” Steve pointed to everything in turn. “Right, I'll leave you to it.” 

“Stay?” Eddie whispered. “It was really lonely down there on my own.”

“Yeah, sure, if you want me too,” the other boy smiled.

Eddie shuffled out of his trousers and shirt before scooching further down into the bed. He was joined by Steve after he had taken his own trousers and shirt off. 

“Good night Ed’s” 

“Night Stevie.” 

The following morning both men woke up tangled together and feeling much more rested than they had in days. Steve turned slightly so he was laying on Eddie's chest and hoped that the other man was still asleep so that he could enjoy this a little longer. He froze when arms pulled him closer and he realised that the other man was clearly not asleep. 

“Morning” Eddie rasped, sleep still in his voice. 

“Morning” came the shy reply, Steve still hoping to not break the spell.

“I don’t mind you know” 

“That’s good, because I really like it here” Steve said, ever so glad Eddie wouldn’t be able to see how red his cheeks were. 

“Get up here and look at me?” Eddie asked. 

Reluctantly Steve leaned up and looked at Eddie.

“You really are so beautiful, I’ve always thought so” Eddie mumbled, almost to himself.

“I was so fucking upset when I thought you were gone, can’t believe you’re back” Steve choked out, over come with emotion towards the man in front of him.

“I’m here and I’m yours, if you want me that is” 

“Of course I do.” Steve said, moving up Eddie’s body and leaning over him slightly.

“Then kiss me,” Eddie whispered.

Their lips met in the most tender and love filled kiss that Steve had ever felt. This was home. This was forever. 

3 Months Later:

“Ed’s come on! We need to get going or we’re going to be late” Steve shouted from the living room as he was getting his shoes on.

“Down in a second, I want to look my best for our first public outing as a couple and our first double date with Robin and J.  

“Let’s go then sweetheart” Eddie said, walking down the stairs ready to go 5 minutes later. 

“Let’s go. The first of many dates” Steve smiled, pulling his boyfriend into a kiss.