#I’ve realised what’s great about our relationship (well; one of many things)

[voiceshearingyouloud]

My partner and I are insane, we’ve gone four months without seeing each other in person but when we’re finally staying together one of us will go to the other room and the other is like :( I miss them

[misskattylashes]

I have finally written it!

The Car is a concept album about an almost middle aged, somewhat isolated man looking back on his youth, and where TBHC was all about what a mess his life was due to being famous. The Car is about him being at that point we reach where we’re old enough to have a past, but young enough to look forward to a future without making some of the mistakes you’ve made. It is also loosely set like a stage production.

The show opens where our hero is emerging from a personal and professional crisis. He has temporarily lost his great love, his ‘mirrorball’, his person made up of many broken pieces, but who shines great light into his world. They have let him down previously ‘where’s that appetite for the moment when you look them in the eye and say baby it’s been nice’. But this is still one of the worst things that has happened to our hero and is causing him to reflect on his life.

Next up we deal with fame and his superficial life. Parties full of fake people who blend into one, and socialising is a chore. But he can see both islands, his fake and vaccous life, and the other island, the one where he can be happy and be with someone who makes his spine tingle. Controversially I maintain Riviera is a metaphor for a French person and she is coming into land for said ‘formation display of affection’ ie fake ‘romantic’ photoshoot.

Next our hero is reflecting on the other terrible thing that happened to him. His magnum opus being vilified and rejected because it was so different to what he was known for (‘whilst wondering if your mother still ever thinks of me’ – he has been famous for so long his young fans’ parents were once fans too). The opening line ‘how I am supposed to manage my infallible beliefs while I’m socking it to you’. TBHC was his special interest, his true self, but he was still expected to be the relatable young rock star singing about girls and going clubbing. The song ends with another glimpse of the future. Time spent with his lover who can help him step away from being himself. Living in a society with other people who have lived hidden lives. But the song ends with ‘I’ll sing a tune’, so he goes back to being the performing monkey.

Jet Skis on the Moat is about the first tentative meeting with the estranged lover. Jet Skis on the Moat quite possibly being an injoke shared in happier times. The lover is equally depressed ‘didn’t recognise through the smoke, pyjama pants and a Subutteo cloak’ sparks images of someone who has let themselves go. Our hero points out that the lover left quickly, not giving their relationship a chance. But this not a time for reproach. If the lover wants to cry, he is there for him.

If this was a stage musical, Body Paint would close act one. Our hero realises what a mess he has made of his life trying to keep up so many different faces and thinking he could have it all. His inner voice is singing to the famous persona, pointing out how he can never shake the personas completely and ends up hurting himself as well as everyone else around him.

Act two starts with our hero looking back at his childhood. Foreign holidays, being expected to behave and play in a certain way, and already starting a life of pretence, by pretending to fall asleep on the way back, quite possibly because he didn’t want to communicate and preferred his own little world.

Next he looks back on his days with the band. ‘I’ve conjured up wonderful things’. His big ideas that the band were always excited to hear, and despite all his regrets, being with them has been a thrill. He doesn’t blame fame entirely for his shortcomings because he has enjoyed so much of it.

Hello You is our hero talking to the estranged lover once again. They’re still dragging out a long goodbye and our hero is saying sorry. He talks about times they spent together as youngsters recording an album in rural France ‘overtaking the tractor, waiting for sets of winds and bends to level out again, picking a moment along a country lane, the kind where the harmonies feel right at home’. He offers to go back to the start and capture that feeling they had as young boys.

If this was a stage show at this point the lover would come onto the stage and our hero would sing to him, asking him to be patient while our hero plays the role he has to for the people around him. But one day he hopes, when the time is right, they will get a third attempt at getting their relationship right.

The show ends with our hero alone, looking back on his life and refusing to carry on beating himself up for doing what it’s taken to find happiness in the past, be it having fun with the warm up act (the lover who started off as a warm up act for the band), or drugs (delivered to a hotel), he looks back and sees it’s what he’s needed to do keep sane. But he needs to remember that his life isn’t a race and things will happen in their own time.

[dailyniallnews]

Niall Horan: Cynics fuelled me to succeed with Modest Golf

Niall Horan has opened up on the cynicism he faced when he launched his golf management company in 2016, detailing how it fuelled him to make it a success.

Speaking in the December edition of bunkered, the chart-topping musician reflected on the launch of Modest Golf Management in 2016.

The boutique firm was dismissed by many naysayers as a non-credible ‘plaything’ for the former One Direction star.

However, seven years on, it has built an enviable stable of clients – amongst them Tyrrell Hatton and Leona Maguire – and has expanded its reach with the opening of a new office in the US, whilst also diversifying its business interests.

It’s all a far cry from the early days, when the skeptics were out in force.

“To be honest, I kind of expected the cynicism,” explained Horan. “There are agents on the range who have been there for a long time. They know the tour inside out and they’ve had their pick of the players for a long time. When they saw me turn up and try to get involved, they were bound to be a bit like, ‘Who’s he?’

“We heard bits and pieces here and there but that just gave us more drive – a healthy drive – to prove them wrong. Not in a ‘we’ll show them’ kind of a way. More, ‘we really want to do this’.

He added: “Six or seven years ago, golf looked the same as it had for many years. The governing bodies had been run by the same people for a very long time and so on.

“I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t easy to begin with. It was hard getting turned away from things pretty much constantly, but I always knew that if we stuck to it and worked hard then we’d get there in the end. Now, we’ve got a great relationship with all the governing bodies and all the agents, too.

“Slowly but surely, it’s turned around and people have started to realise, ‘Oh, wait a minute, maybe they are in it for the long haul.’”

Mark McDonnell, who co-founded Modest Golf with Horan, added: “To this day, I still get people saying to me, ‘Is Niall really involved?’. I mean, of course he is! Obviously, he can’t be at every single event and in every single meeting but, throughout all the major decisions and moments in our company’s history, he’s been there.”

“This has never, ever been a pet project for him or a little plaything to occupy his time whilst he figured out what he wanted to do next. And to be honest, I felt like it did me a disservice when I heard people say that.

“I know there are celebrities out there who’ll put their name to something just to make a quick buck and I would never stake my own career on that. I knew Niall’s passion for golf was genuine, and that’s why it was really easy for me to want to get involved.”

Horan also expressed his hope that his involvement with golf will help encourage more young girls to take an interest in the sport.

“I always say this but, you know, I’ve got 40 million Twitter followers and a few more on Instagram,” he adds. “If me posting about golf here and there makes just one per cent of my followers take an interest in golf, well, look, I’m no mathematician, but it’s a lot!”

“Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of them will be like, ‘oh great, he’s talking about golf again!’ But I guarantee there’s quite a few who’ll read that tweet and go to the driving range, or go to Topgolf, or even just try to get involved in some shape or form. It’s just about letting them know the sport exists really.

“You never know how many will go, ‘Well, if Niall thinks it’s cool, it might be cool.’”

Read the full interview with Niall Horan in the December edition of bunkered, on-sale now from all good newsagents.

[yuzukahibiscus]

Towaki Sea: A light that finds her own colours

From long ago, she has been a talented star of four aspects – her glamour on stage, her acting, her singing and her dancing. After transferring troupes, she discovers her otokoyaku image, and is processing to a new phase. (Please read Chinese below the cut, 中文翻譯如下）

It’s been 3 years since her troupe transfer. As we do the interview, she convinces with a smile that “Flower Troupe, is really a good troupe”, and now Towaki Sea-san’s firmly a member of Flower Troupe.

“I can feel that power in the troupe. That the otokoyaku are enjoying themselves as otokoyaku, that the musumeyaku have their details to pay attention to, that there is respect for each other. The underclassmen could showcase themselves without hesitation, and because the upperclassmen can also enjoy this environment similarly, everyone could enjoy themselves on stage. That’s how the gorgeous and bright Flower Troupe atmosphere is created.”

Even though she’s already in a higher class year, with that as a prerequisite, she also says that “I’ve been freely enjoying the stage more than before”.

“I would say the troupe vibe in Flower Troupe is like it’s alright even if you’re not doing good as long as you’re being yourself. So even though if I failed and I’m being teased for that, that’s how I could expose myself without fear. Compared to doing things successfully, I was told that it’s great if you could first feel joy and the fun in performing, so I feel less burdened. In Snow Troupe times, I didn’t have much ability in winking or showing that sexy appeal and since I didn’t seek help much, I would often judge myself. Even though this is ultimately my issue, this was something important that I learnt.”

But at first when she transferred troupes, there were many parts that she felt down and wasn’t familiar with.

“When I transferred troupes, I realised how “small” I was in terms of things I couldn’t do myself. In Snow Troupe, I had friends that I’ve been growing up together with, there were upperclassmen who knew me when I couldn’t do well before, so I felt that I was taken care of by many. But when I came to Flower Troupe, when I didn’t know what kind of musical am I performing with my partner, or what kind of person they are, I starting having decide for myself what I’m good at, what kind of style do I like, what do I want to present. So slowly that’s how I built this trust relationship with others, and in this year (2022) while starring in the performance “Paris in the Winter Fog”, I could finally establish my stance to be a Flower Troupe member.”

From long ago, “I’m someone that looks at everyone around me and think of my stance and how it fits into the balance of everyone.”

“I was influenced by Sagiri-san (Sagiri Seina, former Snow Troupe Top Star) who helped me a lot in my newcomers’ performances. Sagiri-san is more serious than anyone on stage, rather than asking others to follow her, she’s someone that stands with everyone on the starting line. I think that is absolutely fantastic. While starring in “Paris in the Winter Fog”, it’s necessary to express what I hope to present with the direction of the musical and my thoughts first. But since the stage performance cannot be done by one alone, ultimately it’s me putting all our favourite ideas and creating them together. And for that, I won’t forget to be thankful.”

“Paris in the Winter Fog” talks about an adolescent who silently awaits for the opportunity of revenge. In the previous Grand Theatre performance “Years of Pilgrimage”, she plays George Sand, the lover of the protagonist played by Yuzuka-san. She’s played many mature roles on stage but during the interview, Towaki-san was always laughing a lot, giving a bubbly, cheerful image.

“I guess that’s how I am (LOL). But in the musical, I really love how bewitching that desolate atmosphere (in “Paris in the Winter Fog”) feels like. When I’m on stage, I turn on that (acting) switch and I also enjoy having that gap for myself. You could say that’s being precise...but I think it’s also through listening to the words of the director, thinking about how to play the role in theory, and I continue to face this challenge in rehearsal and pursue the role that I should be playing.”

Now when asked about what kind of role or scene she wants to perform in, she immediately replies “Dancing in suits, and being in extremely dashing scenes.”

“I was an onnayaku in the previous Grand Theatre performance so I though I didn’t do enough otokoyaku then (LOL). Otokoyaku is a unique existence that’s neither female nor male, and you can’t do it again if you’re not in Takarazuka anymore. Since there’s limited time for me to (be otokoyaku), I hope to have fun and make use of the time. It’s my ideal to be an otokoyaku encapsulating the smart and classic Takarazuka traits, and become most fitting in a black swallowtail coat.”

The current Grand Theatre performance “MAYERLING” is a classical work of the works in Takarazuka performed for many times.

“That alone already makes it a fantastic performance. The lines in Shibata (Yukirou)-sensei’s works are so beautiful and the more you act into the role, the deeper it becomes. I hope to have fun enjoying this process.”

Towaki Sea. Born in Tokyo. Entered Takarazuka Revue in 2011, assigned to Snow Troupe, had her first newcomers’ performance lead for 2015 “Lupin the Third”. Later on, she starred in 4 lead performances for the newcomers’ performances. She starred in “PRxPRince” in 2019 and transferred to Flower Troupe then. She starred in “Paris in the Winter Fog” in 2022. 

[lucy90712]

Pedro Acosta: When did things change

It's Saturday night which means me and my friends are going out. Since it was my birthday in the week all of us are finally of age so the whole friend group is going out together for the first time. I have been looking forward to this day for a while as I alway see my friends going out and having fun while I'm left at home but now I can finally join them. Seeing as it will be my first time joining them all I wanted to look good so I went out with a few of my girl friends to pick out an outfit earlier which I've just put on after getting out the shower. The outfit was a dress which wasn't too over the top but it hugged my body in all the right places and I felt amazing in it which is what I wanted. Of course I had to do my hair and makeup all nice as well which took a very long time but by the end I have to say I looked good. I don't have the highest self esteem so for me to actually feel good must mean I actually look good or at least I hope that's what it means.

Once I was fully ready to go I text my friends as we were supposed to all go together in a taxi so that we could all drink but none of them were replying. I left it a few more minutes before just deciding to give up and just get a taxi by myself. I know it's the smartest idea but I didn't really have another option unless I wanted to wait who knows how long for my friends to reply. While in the taxi I kept texting my friends but they never replied and hadn't even read the messages which I'm hoping means they are already at the club because I don't really want to be there all alone.

When I got inside the club I looked around to see if I recognised any of my friends which was not easy with the amount of people but eventually I saw the one person I didn't want to see Pedro. Pedro and I have never got along we first met when we were younger when he used to race against my brother and while he was always nice to everyone else he was always mean to me. That didn't change as we grew up in fact we started to hate each other more as he didn't stop with the annoying comments and I got tried of just taking it so I started giving him the same energy right back. Even when Pedro and some of his friends became part of my friend group things didn't change we just continued to ignore each other no matter how many times our friends tried to get us to like each other. On a few occasions they have tried tricking us into spending time together alone to work out our differences but it has never worked if we fall for it in the first place.

As much as I didn't want to spend any time with Pedro I assumed that some of the others would be around somewhere or would come over when they got here so I fought my way through the crowd of people until I was stood next to Pedro. Instead of saying hi like any normal person would do he just rolled his eyes at my presence but I just smiled back as I want to have a good time and it's not worth ruining my night by fighting with him. We stood next to each other on our phones not talking for a good 10 minutes before we both looked up at the same time realising that our friends weren't coming. For once instead of being mad at Pedro I was more angry at our friends as this was supposed to be a fun night out for all of us but instead they used it as an opportunity to try and fix my relationship with Pedro which definitely isn't going to happen when I'm already angry.

"They've set us up again haven't they" Pedro said

"Yep I can't believe they chose tonight of all times to do this" I said

"Believe me when they finally answer they won't be doing this again" he said clearly just as mad as me

"Great well I'm off to the bar you aren't going to ruin my night" I said walking away

The situation wasn't going to ruin my night so I went to the bar and had a few drinks but not too much as I still need to have my wits about me as clearly I might as well be here in my own. After a few drinks I was feeling much happier and decided to head to the dance floor to enjoy myself as that's what I wanted to do tonight. While dancing I met a few girls who I used to go to school with so we all chatted and caught up while we danced. After a while I completely forgot about how my own so called friends ditched me and was just having fun which is all I wanted not all of this stupid drama.

At some point all of the girls left and I was on my own again but I didn't really care I was enjoying swaying to the music on the edge of the dance floor. I was completely in my own world until I felt someone touch my waist which made me look up to see a guy standing in front of me. He was very clearly drunk so I moved away to get his hand off my waist but he only got closer and put both hands on my this time. At this point I was getting uncomfortable but I didn't want to make him angry so I put up with it and hoped I could just talk to him and get him to go away that way. Before I could say anything he tried pulling me in closer but I wasn't having that so I tried to setup away but there was a post behind me which stopped me going any further.

"Why are you trying to run away beautiful" the guy said

"Please leave me alone" I said trying to be firm but my voice came out a bit shaky

"And what would I do that a pretty girl like you shouldn't be in a club all alone" he flirted

"Well I want to be alone" I said

"No you don't come on let's go dance" he said trying to grab hold of my wrist

Just before he could grab my wrist someone else pushed his hand away and stood next to me. To start with I didn't want to know what I'd gotten myself into now but when I looked at who had supposedly saved me from my situation I saw that it was Pedro. When I acknowledged his presence he put his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side clearly trying to protect me. Him and the other guy were just staring at each other as Pedro squeezed my wast tighter as his jaw clenched clearly mad but for once not at me. It felt like this staring contest was either never going to end or end with someone being punched and I wasn't quite sure which especially as the drunk guy was starting to square up to Pedro.

"Who the fuck are you?" The guy asked

"Why should that matter she asked you to leave her alone so go or I'll make you" Pedro threatened

"Fine chill dude she's no even that cute anyway you can have her" the guy said I finally walking away

"Are you ok?" Pedro asked me while his arm was still around me

"Yeah I'm fine thanks for saving me" I said

"It's no problem I couldn't just watch him do that when you clearly didn't want him too" he said

"Well thank you" I said

He finally took his hand off my waist and gave me a hug which was strangely comforting before telling me that I was welcome to come and sit with him which I did as I needed a minute to calm down and process what just happened. The whole incident with the guy wasn't really what was on my mind as I've had guys flirt with me even after I clearly ignore them before it was the thoughts I was having about Pedro that concerned me more. Having his and on my waist sent sparks through my body and made me cheeks heat up to what felt like a million degrees. Knowing that despite our differences he was still watching me and willing to step in and protect me made me feel all giddy. So many thoughts were spiralling around my brain because I can't possibly have feelings for Pedro can I?

After collecting my thoughts it all begun to sink in and the realisation hit me like a ton of bricks. I really do have feelings for Pedro. The more I thought about it the more I realised that I never hated Pedro my dislike only began because I liked him but he hated me so I began to hate him for not liking me. For years I have kept my guard up and not let anything or anyone convince me that Pedro is a nice guy because deep down I think I knew I'd fall for him if I let him bring down my walls. That is exactly what's happened in my moment of weakness Pedro showed me what he is really like and it just made the front I built come crumbling down. In reality I've probably felt like this for years but never let myself even entertain the idea until tonight. Still so many questions were swimming around my mind like what do I do now as clearly Pedro doesn't hate me quite as much as I thought but there is no way he feels like I do. I can't tell him how I feel but I don't know if I can keep it from him at the same time. What was supposed to be my fun night out has turned into a nightmare.

For a while I stayed sat down thinking about life and wishing I'd drunk more earlier so that I could forget about everything that has happened but I was brought back to reality when Pedro asked me if I'd like to join him on the dance floor. I agreed but quickly regretted it as him actually wanting to spend time with me sent a spanner into the works and made me reconsider if maybe he didn't hate me as much as I thought. As we danced together I couldn't help but feel like since that moment things had changed between us he hadn't rolled his eyes at me yet and I've seen him smile more in the last 20 minutes than I have the entire time we've known each other. He looks so cute when he's smiling so seeing him smile at me constantly isn't helping the spiral I have found myself in.

Pedro and I stuck together for the rest of the night we danced for a little while but then we went and sat back down and actually got to know each other. Despite having known each other since we were kids we barely know anything about each other even simple things like each other's birthdays. He told me all about what it's like to race with some of the best in the world which was really interesting to hear about. I never realised just how good he must be as I only remember the days he raced with my brother but all of the things he's achieved are amazing. It was a lot to follow up on but I still talked about my plans for the future and how things have been going in school. As much as my life is very boring and insignificant compared to his he was still actually really sweet and encouraging when I spoke about my goals to get into a good university. Eventually it got late and the both of us thought it would be best to go home even though for once I didn't want to leave Pedro.

"How did you get here?" He asked as we left the club

"I got a taxi I was supposed to come with the girls but as you can probably guess they didn't answer" I laughed

"Do you want to get a taxi together then I just don't want you to go on your own" he said

"Yeah that sounds good" I replied

As we sat outside waiting I went back to thinking about tonight and what it means going forward. The more I think about it the more I think that just telling Pedro how I feel wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. It's not like we have always been really close so if he didn't feel the same sure it would hurt for a while but my life wouldn't really change much. We could still continue to ignore each other like we did for many years before tonight if things didn't go well. I'm not usually one to be so forward about my feelings but with there being less consequences then there would usually be I'm feeling a lot more confident. My confidence hasn't come about because I'm drunk either as after everything that has happened tonight I've feeling very much sober and thinking very clearly.

"Pedro" I said to get his attention

"What's up?" He questioned

"I know this probably seems like it's coming out of nowhere but I like you and not just as a friend" I admitted

"I um" he stuttered

"I get if you don't feel the same way I mean it was only when you helped me out earlier that I realised I never hated you and only acted that way because you didn't like me" I added

"I never hated you either I mean maybe when we were kids but I haven't hated you for years I caught feelings a long time ago but couldn't come to terms with liking you especially as I know your brother so I thought the best way to stop liking you was to pretend I hated you but it really didn't work" he explained

"So do you still like me?" I asked

"Of course I do how couldn't I you are just so perfect in every way" he said

"Thank you I honestly wasn't expecting that what do we do now?" I asked

"I know will you be my girlfriend?" he asked

"Of course I will" I said

Both of us were just smiling at each other for a while before Pedro put his hand on my cheek and pulled me in until our lips met. Kissing him just felt right it wasn't awkward like I thought it would be instead I felt content with his arms around me and his lips on mine. When we both pulled away he pressed another quick kiss to my lips before out taxi arrived and we got in together. The whole ride back to mine I had my head leant against his shoulder as his hand held mine; no words were exchanged we were simply just enjoying each other's presence. Once we reached my place we both got out and he walked me to the door where he held my hands and kissed me again.

"I'm so glad our friends ditched us tonight" he said

"Me too but let's not tell them about this yet I don't want them thinking their plan finally worked" I said

"I like that idea this will be our little secret for a while" he said

When Pedro left I went inside and got ready for bed where instead of sleeping I just smiled thinking about everything that has happened tonight. If a few hours ago you had told me that I'd end the night dating Pedro I would have called you insane but I'm really happy that's how my night ended. Maybe my friends ditching me wasn't the worst thing in the world maybe one day I'll have to thank them for it in a few years time when we are hopefully still happily together.

[wool-f]

Wellness: Through & Through | Part Five: the way your friends can change your life 

Friends have such a significant impact on our mental health and it often goes unnoticed. 

I’ve spent the last five years cultivating my circle, with many people coming and going of their own accord. I’ve come to realise that the people I have around me are directly indicative of the state of my mental health. 

When I was 22, I experienced a really tough breakup of a pretty toxic relationship. I came out of that period of my life with three friends, all of whom are still in my life today. From that holy trinity, I began to rebuild my circle. 

I had spent two years with a person who had isolated me from an entire roster of great people who had (understandably) tapped out or had enough. I sometimes wonder how the three remaining people persevered with me through the tumultuous time, but I’m more than grateful that they did. 

So building a new circle at the edge of my mid-twenties was definitely a challenge, but one I am so glad I undertook. 

I inherited some of the most wonderful, smart, hilarious and beautiful friends I’ve ever made in my mid-late twenties, and I cannot wait to see who else I bring in as the years go on. 

I know this isn’t technically fitting within the theme of methods or ways to create a better environment for health and wellbeing, but I think that is definitely an essential part of giving yourself a better chance at a more positive life. 

I also want to put a disclaimer out there that I’m not at all saying the goal is to have a completely and always positive life - that is impossible and toxic. I’m just saying having a really good quality group of friends who make you feel good about yourself is putting yourself in the bets position you can to recover from the bad days, weeks or sometimes months. 

It all comes down to two simple ideas: 

1. Being around good people makes you want to be a good person 

2. People who genuinely care about you will have your best interests at heart and will try to act accordingly 

Both of these things lean towards the one solution: stay away from people who make you feel shit about yourself.

If you’re in a place where you’re unable to make new friends or you’re finding it difficult, fear not! The people meant for you will come to you. I’m just saying that in the mean time, be strategic with who your friends are - drop the people who make you feel bad or those who bring out the worst in you, and focus on the relationships that make you feel good. Cultivate those. They inform the relationship you have with yourself. 

I believe that the relationship you have with yourself is directly reflected in the ones you have with those around you. 

There are plenty of ways to meet new people, only you can decide what you feel comfortable with. Just know that the people you have around you will influence the way you feel and move about the world. Put yourself in the best position you can for yourself. 

With that, I’m concluding week five of my experiment! Let me know if you’ve reflected on your group and how it’s made you feel down in the comments or over on my other socials. Can’t wait to check back in with you all next week!

If you are joining me on this group science experiment, where I investigating what wellness truly means and how I am achieving it, both physically and mentally, welcome! Comment below any suggestions or trends you are seeing to do with wellness that you’re too afraid to try yourself - I will try them. Also let me know if you tried adding ten thousand steps a day into your routine because of this post or my video! I’d love to hear your feedback :)

If you want to follow along with this experiment with me on a daily basis, please follow my Instagram and TikTok accounts, I am much more active on there and will have little updates throughout the weeks that I am posting the videos.

Leave any comments down below or in my questions box, and we can chat!

As always thank you for being hear and reading my musings, all my love,

G xx

[culturespace]

Over the past days it's been going around this polemic about Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber all over the internet after Selena Gomez became the most followed person on Instagram, taking that position away from Kylie Jenner.

Rumors have also been circulating that Hailey has copied quite a few things from Selena.

Everyone has started to create their own opinions about what it's been happening and here we show you some of ours.

Michelle's opinion:

Let's get things clear, we all thought that Hailey and Selena had cleared things up and they ended up well after the photo of them together, but then we saw how Hailey and Kylie were making fun of Selena because of no reason and this makes that all the internet started to unfollow Hailey and Kylie, and Selena became the most followed person on Instagram, and I agree with that because Selena hasn't done anything to them.

It is also rumored that Hailey is a copy of everything that Selana does because of several reasons, some of the things that Hailey copied to Selena was her cooking show, the way she dressed, the things that she said on tv shows and some of her tattoos. For me that's really roily because there's a photo of hailey holding up a magazine that it shows on the cover a photo of Justin Bieber and Hailey.

I'm definitely team Selena.

Karen's opinion:

Several years ago when Justin and Selena's couple was famous, I don't really consider myself a fan of theirs, but recently, when I became more involved in show business, when I found out about all the controversy with Hailey Biber, I was very surprised at how people can relate. things so fast and the truth is that I don't have a preference for either of the two, but from what I've seen, I'm surprised by the many coincidences that Hailey has copied from Selena, how in dresses, tattoos, words and series, I really don't believe in the coincidences but maybe the clothes may look alike because they are in fashion, and regarding her friends (Kylie, Taylor Swift) I think they are acting very childish or maybe they just do things like that because that's the way show business is.

Quetzalli's opinion:

Now I see how important mental health is being in a relationship, I have always been a fan of Justin and I loved the couple he made with Selena but we also know how toxic he was and sometimes I think they did Selena a great favour when Hailey married him because with all the theories that have come out we realise the obsession Hailey has with Selena and how much he wants to look like her.

And I was also a fan of the Jenner sisters but knowing that they invited Selena to Dubai it was only to give him space so that Hailey will start to meet him and go out with him, of course no one forced him to go out with Hailey but if the betrayal of the Jenner sisters with Selena causes me conflict.

But in conclusion I stopped following Hailey on ig and every day he reported his account because although we all believed that with the photo that Selena and Hailey took, it turned out later that it was totally false to leave everything behind by Hailey.

Ingrid’s Opinion:

For years I’ve been thinking that Jelena (Justin and Selena) should be together, but now that I am 18 years old I recognized that this was not a healthy relationship.

When Justin got married with Hailey I was very sad about all the hate she received so I didn’t know what happened. Nowadays that I checked all the clues, Hailey was copying Selena in all the possible ways I don’t believe in coincidences.

Finally when the rumor of Kylie Jenner helping Hailey to be alone with Justin during his Sel’s relationship was disgusting and for me It talks about the person she is. I will support Sel until death.

Diana's opinion:

Just when the world thought Selena Gomez and Hailey beiber were in peace with each other the internet was unleashed with a series of controversies between them. Recently we been hearing the name of Selena Gomez way to often, this has to be with years of the love triangle that has been happening for years, and the obsession of Hailey beiber with Selena. In my opinion q person that has the attitudes that Hailey has with Selena is nothing more than a lot of envy since he always looks for a way to have what Selena has. And the recent controversy with Kylie Jenner makes me something very absurd for people her age, there is no doubt that being a mom did not give her the maturity she needed.

[aaronxsey]

Hello Aaron, it's me Theresa. Before you read this let me clarify I'm not asking for you back in my life, nor am I attacking or demeaning you. I'm simply here to apologise.

I'm sorry for not listening to you and never believing you about Aiden, I should've realised how bad she was for my mental health and how horrible she made me feel but I was so caught up in that entire friend group I didn't get to. I'm out of that now, they all think im toxic and selfish but I did it for my own health. It was actually you and how you left for your own health and how you stood up that inspired me to do the same, so thank you.

Im also sorry for being clingy towards you and draining on you, im getting the proper help I need now not to rely on other people. But also thank you for trying your best to be there for me, you were the best friendship i had that came out of having discord. for everything you did go through for me, I'm grateful, and I really don't blame you for leaving, they say all good things come to an end but I'm just greatful that you even stuck out for me for a year.

And most of all, I'm sorry for breaking our promise, I spent so so many months in pain blaming you for leaving me trying to deny the fact that I did the same just because of some toxic assholes. They didn't have even a fraction of the care you had for me and I shouldn't given you up for some assholes.

Though I do think that you leaving was the right thing, it let you heal from the stress I caused you from Aiden and it let me finally come to a head and realise Aiden is a piece of bullshit, so thank you.

One last apology, for sending you this, It is the last thing I will ever send you, mark my word, my only intention in this ask was to admit my wrongdoings to you and apologise to you. I don't expect you to respond to this but if you read through it then thank you, I wish nothing but love and light for you and your family, and I'll always look back on my time with you as fond memories. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I hope you make it big as an author. Anyways, thank you, goodbye!

(ps, if I made amy gramnmatical erors, you have full permison to make funn of me for them, including the legendary you'res, have fun, bye!)

Hey Theresa. I’m so glad to hear you’re no longer in any unhealthy or toxic relationships, and that you are currently getting help and becoming better. Please know I’ve never truly hated you and I’m so happy to know you don’t hate me. If we are apologising, I want you to know how SORRY I am for how I ended our friendship. I was angry, upset, and wanted you to feel bad, but that was shitty of me. Not asking to be friends, just know I’m sorry for what I did, and I forgive you for what you did. I hope you have a amazing life <3

I still think of you as well, what I said to you was wrong. I do have good memories of us. I hope you remember them just as good as I do.

I am also receiving mental help and in a much better headspace to admit I was in the wrong, and did much worse to you than you ever did. I hope you are also as happy and healthy as I am currently. Love, Aaron.

[takemyeternity]

for the ask game- all the odd questions!

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

I do with my dad. Mum is no longer with us and we didn’t have a great relationship.

03: Do you regret anything?

I used to but the more I age the more I realise those lessons were needed so no, not anymore.

05: What is your relationship status?

In the most wonderful relationship with a woman better than I deserve. I cherish her every day.

07: What did you last eat?

An entire bag of peanut M&M’s.

09: Do you bite your nails?

Not anymore, I’m committed to my nail clippers

11: Do you like someone?

My partner, she’s a good egg that one.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

Hate is a strong word, but I have great disdain for the entire Reform movement in the UK.

15: Have any pets?

Our gorgeous little ragdoll Miso.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Oh hell yeah.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

I’d like to see my dad in his youth, but that’s about it.

21: What are your plans for this weekend? Start of my annual leave and it might well be my return to streaming 👀

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

No longer, I did have ears and septum at one point.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

I actually quite miss my old art teacher, one of the few people who really believed in me back then.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I’m sure I have.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Not intentionally, but I think it’s impossible not to at some point.

31: Does somebody love you?

I am very grateful to be able to say yes.

33: Do you have trust issues?

Who me, no not at all. Who’s asking and why? 👀

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Courtney.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive. Don’t ever forget.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

15.

51: Favourite food?

Sushi.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Made lunch for the next day. I am not eventful.

55: Are you mean?

I try my hardest not to be but I for sure can have a mean streak.

57: Do you believe in true love?

I didn’t but I absolutely do now.

59: Do you like the snow?

Love it so long as I don’t have to go out in it!

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Love that shit.

63: Would you change your name?

Surname, yes.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

If those feelings are reciprocated then try and see if it works out. If they’re not then you have to be honest and explain how it won’t change anything from your side. You can’t help if it changes from theirs.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

My partner as I write this.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

I like to think I’ve found mine.

Thank you for the ask lovely!

[silkhy-john]

Wait wait wait:

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo but Evelyn Hugo is Sylvain Gautier

(Stay with me I promise you I have good reasons)

Gonna preface these by saying that some stuff won’t be paralleled directly e.g. Evelyn’s fear for the power her father held over her fate. Also this is a bunch of head canon and loose-ish interpretation of canon I.e. don’t agree if you don’t feel inclined to. Okay:

- Sylvain wields sex as power just like Evelyn. Unlike Evelyn, though, he also wields it as power against himself.

- Evelyn creates Evelyn Hugo to take the stardom and fame she wants. Sylvain creates an alternate persona to eventually take his father’s place as margrave and maybe earn his approval (plot twist: margrave Gautier does NOT give Sylvain his approval. Ever.)

- Sylvain is bisexual and is around the one he [romantically] loves most passionately for a while. It takes hearing someone else saying “Felix is gay” to make him realise that oh yeahhhh I’m attracted to him (same as how Evelyn figures out how she feels about Celia)

- Sylvain goes to great lengths to hide his relationship with Felix cause of what his father did to Miklan; Evelyn hides her relationship with Celia because of what they’d face if ever they were found out.

- Sylvain’s best friend is Ingrid, who is, I want to say, demisexual? There’s a lot of whispers about her being ‘unlike other women’(derogatory) because she shows no interest in marrying a well-off man, etc etc. She marries Glenn to beat the allegations, Glennjamin dies, she’s back at square one, etc etc. What I’m saying is that Ingrid is our Harry.

- Felix loves Sylvain and is willing to lose his place as heir to his father’s seat if it means being able to be together with him publicly. He’s also be really mean about the things Sylvain does to keep up appearances. Celia vibes basically.

- Sylvain eventually marries Ingrid and they get… a child? Children, maybe. Felix marries Dorothea (greatest songstress of Adrestia. Now that I’ve reached here I realise SHE could be Evelyn Hugo. Welp. On we move.) Same set up as John, Celia, Evelyn, and Harry.

- Sylvain has the tits and Felix has the ass. This point exists purely because of what Evelyn says about her and Celia in that one photo (Evelyn is all tits, Celia is all ass)

- Dimitri is present as a friend to both Sylvain is Felix. He isn’t too sure what’s going on with them half the time, but he’s got spirit.

- Rodrigue is against Felix’s proclivities until he realises that he’s on the fast track to pushing away Felix, thus losing his second son. Also he realises nothing makes Felix happier than Sylvain. Also it helps him come to terms with his maybe romantic feelings for Lambert (honestly Lambert and Rodrigue, Loog and Kyphon… it just feels like David and Jonathan from the bible. I will not expound.)

- Together, Dimitri and Rodrigue manage to make the push needed to make the church of Seiros less and less involved in decisions of the state (the church made the law that goes something like “Only those who can bring heirs forth may hold seats of power”. You know.)

- Everyone dies before Sylvain. Irony is that every one of them says, in one way or another, that he’s taking his life fast.

- Instead of getting someone to write his biography, Sylvain writes it on his own. The catalyst is an extremely hurtful letter his father left Sylvain, one to be opened ONLY after his [Sylvain’s father’s] death.

- Sylvain’s father lives the longest of anyone around Sylvain. A vile character through and through imo.

I have a bunch of other stuff in my brain but I’m tired so uhhhh. Yes, I’m aware that there’s no Monique. I’m sure there’s someone who can fall into that role, though I feel like a Monique would be unnecessary. I also haven’t mentioned how many spouses Sylvain has, but I’d like to think that Ingrid is his last spouse ever.

I wish I could write this but ummm… Maybe I will one day. If this scratches your writer brain just right, you’re more than welcome to write something with it :D

[prismaticstreams]

Letting go of my fantasy self

“We're in the world, not against it. It doesn't work to try to stand outside things and run them, that way. It just doesn't work, it goes against life. There is a way but you have to follow it. The world is, no matter how we think it ought to be. You have to be with it. You have to let it be.”― Ursula K. Le Guin, The Lathe of Heaven

“Without giving up hope—that there’s somewhere better to be, that there is someone better to be—we will never relax with where we are or who we are.” ― Pema Chödrön

I've been doing a great deal of reflection lately, as I realised I have become highly invested in my fantasy self, and the fantasy life that goes along with her. Now, I don't think that fantasies, dreams and hopes for our lives and our future are all bad. We all need something to hope for, and goals can be highly motivating.

However, they do become problematic when taken to an extreme. Our ideals and fantasies can make it very difficult to come to terms with our current reality, and can sometimes lead to poor choices. It can also create disappointment and chronic dissatisfaction.

A good example of this would be fixating on an ideal partner in our mind, and overlooking the actual people in our lives who are interested in us and could actually be a good match for us. Or it could be that we get into a relationship with someone who is incompatible, but we project our dreams and fantasies onto that individual... so we can’t see them for who they really are, or accept that the relationship is not good for us. In more extreme situations, it can lead people to be in denial about relationships that are toxic or abusive.

Another example is in our shopping and spending habits - often we buy things for our fantasy self, and subconsciously hope that our next purchase will bring us the happiness and freedom we long for. Most advertising and marketing is actually trying to sell us on an image, a lifestyle, an emotion... because that's what works. This can easily lead to overspending and financial difficulties, as well as having too much clutter we don't need. I discuss this in more depth in my blog post, Decluttering My Fantasy Self.

The Law of Attraction and related practices can be especially problematic in this regard, as they can cultivate a habit of visualising an idealised life. This could have a positive side for some - especially if the goals we visualise are somewhat realistic and attainable, and we take action to move towards them. Many people do find this to be helpful and encouraging.

However, if the goals are seemingly unattainable or far out of reach, it could actually make us feel more hopeless and dejected. It could make it very difficult to appreciate the present, and make the most of it. We can also end up constantly comparing our daily, lived reality with the fantasy in our minds, and our actual reality will never measure up. 

Besides, even if we did achieve all our goals and dreams, chances are they wouldn't measure up to our fantasy version of them. No relationship or job or home is going to be perfect and without problems or flaws, after all. We might always feel like we're setting for second or third best in life. Because often when we picture certain goals or dreams, what we really want is not the thing itself, but the feeling we associate with it. Feelings of love, belonging, adventure, excitement, joy, freedom, wholeness, security or peace, for instance. 

It makes me think of this quote from Victoria Erickson: "Paradise has never been about places. It exists in moments. In connection. In flashes across time." We sometimes try to grasp and hold tightly onto this paradise, when it’s something that cannot be grasped. I have often associated this sense of utopia with living in a certain place or finding “the one”, but for some it may be associated with another sphere of life such as being in the right job or having the ideal friend circle.

While anyone can be susceptible to this particular malady, it seems that Intuitive Feeler personality types (the NF "idealists") are far more prone to fantasy-based thinking. After all, we live in a world that is, for the most part, not built for NFs, empaths, or highly sensitive people (HSPs). Statistically we are in the minority. Sometimes it's easier to retreat into our own minds or utopian dreams, because the world can be such a harsh, unforgiving place.

Of course, at times we need to titrate our experience of reality when life really is too much. Being fully present isn’t always the answer. We all need breaks to replenish, which is part of why art, music and books are so important. All kinds of entertainment, including video games, TV and movies have their place in moderation. When I was struggling with living in a place with severe toxic mould that affected my health, playing Pokemon Go provided a welcome distraction for a while. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this! 

I've also come to realise that my fantasy self can actually play a very important role in my emotional life. She carried me through some very dark, traumatic times in my life. She gave me hope when I was hopeless. She gave me a dream that things could get better. So I don't regret her entirely.

And yet, what happens when the fantasy self starts to hold us back from our real life? What happens if it starts to lead us to make choices that aren't in our long-term best interests?

I've realised I need to start letting go of my fantasy self, and practice radical acceptance. However, this can also come with a great deal of grief. It's essential to hold space for that, and give ourselves time to process that grief.

Because often that grief is the grief of our unlived life and unrealised dreams, which is particularly acute for those with severe chronic illness or disabilities. We can miss out on so much... relationships, careers, travel, having children, active hobbies, volunteering and so on. 

People with histories of trauma or abuse may struggle greatly with this as well. It’s hard to let go of the fantasy of having loving parents and a kind family who is always there for you. It can feel almost impossible to give up the fantasy when it seems like the fantasy is all you have.

For this reason I would say don’t force it too much, if you don’t feel ready. Stripping away our coping tools before we are ready can be harmful - especially if you don’t have any other resources and tools to fill the void. There is a time and a season for everything.

Just being self-aware is a wonderful start, and can help us unblend from the parts of ourselves that find comfort in fantasy. (The concept of unblending comes from Internal Family Systems Therapy by Richard Schwartz.) Part of the problem with our attachment to a fantasy self is that it often remains largely unconscious, so we can’t even really see it for what it truly is. It wields a subterranean power over us, and influences our lives and our choices outside of our awareness.

So, how do you deal with this? How did I start letting go of my fantasy self? Here are five steps I would recommend:

Write down what your fantasy life would be like. If you are visual, perhaps you could make a Pinterest board. If you like music, you could pick a few songs. If you like, you could share it with a friend, therapist or mentor as well.

Engage in a ritual for letting go of your fantasy life. This could include lighting a candle, writing a letter to your fantasy self to thank her and say goodbye, or maybe writing it on a piece of paper and burning it.

Read aloud a letting go affirmation, such as this one I adapted from Teal Swan: “I hereby lay to rest my fantasy of the life I wanted. It wasn’t in the cards for me. It did not happen and it wasn’t my fault. I am ready to release you now and live my life from this day forward; doing what I can with what I have from where I am.”

Allow yourself to grieve, and have self compassion. Give it time. It's not easy to let go of the fantasy life, because it's something that soothes us in difficult times. Practice plenty of self care. Do something you enjoy and engage in play, rest and creativity.

Cultivate mindfulness, gratitude and radical acceptance. Find ways to embrace the present moment and enjoy the little things each day. A regular mindfulness meditation practice could be beneficial. There’s also apps like Presently for recording what you’re grateful for each day.

I love the song 'Myth' by Beach House. I see my fantasy self as a kind of mythic story I created about myself and my life. I like how the song emphasises the power of naming it and identifying it - because when we do, it can help us to see clearly and to eventually let it go. 

[Verse 1] Drifting in and out, you see the road you're on It came rollin' down your cheek, you say just what you mean And in-between, it's never as it seems [Chorus] Help me to name it Help me to name it [Verse 2] If you built yourself a myth, you'd know just what to give What comes after this momentary bliss? The consequence of what you do to me [Chorus] Help me to name it Help me to name it [Bridge] Found yourself in a new direction Arrows fallin' from the sun Canyon callin', would they come to greet you? Let you know you're not the only one [Verse 3] Can't keep hangin' on to what is dead and gone If you built yourself a myth, you'd know just what to give Materialize or let the ashes fly [Chorus] Help me to name it Help me to name it

Further Resources

Radical Acceptance Guided Meditation

Letting Go of Fantasies and Wishing Things Were Different

Bury The Fantasy to Let Go of the “If Onlys”

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Alex Recommends: November Books

I am currently tackling the first few assignments for my MA course. I am still mostly enjoying it but one assignment in particular is taking up a lot of my time at the moment. I am doing all I can to keep on top of my stress management but sometimes it is very hard. I’m really looking forward to a bit of a break at Christmas though.

Mark is still working very hard too. He is getting some great reports from his supervisors and really growing as a teacher. I’m so proud of him! It’s really tough not being able to see each other every day, like we’d got used to, but I still feel so close to him, thanks to our excellent communication.

I don’t know if it’s just because I’m so much older now than I was the last time I was in a serious relationship but I just feel so much more secure this time around. I have no doubts that what we have is real, ever-lasting love and that we genuinely are best friends. I used to think that forced distance between us might be a trigger for my anxiety and paranoia to kick in but something about this has really prevented that from happening. If you’re in a relationship like this, please hold on to it. If you’re not but you’d like to be, I promise that these kinds of connections really do exist and that it will happen for you one day!

Although I have been very busy, I’ve found time (as always) to read some amazing books this month too. There’s a great mixture in this post that I think you’ll enjoy through the winter. Hope you’re all doing well and I’ll talk to you again soon! -Love, Alex x

FICTION: Lizzie Blake’s Best Mistake by Mazey Eddings.

Lizzie’s ADHD has caused her to make plenty of mistakes in her time, so she has learned to keep men at a distance and not let anyone get too close. Rake was burned horribly by his last relationship and is reluctant to get into anything serious ever again. When Lizzie and Rake meet in a Philadelphia bar one night, things get steamy and although there’s a great connection, they both know that it can only be a one time thing. So when Lizzie calls Rake with some big unexpected news, they both realise that their lives will never be the same again. This cute rom-com manages to be light-hearted while tackling some very serious issues and tricky family dynamics. I really enjoyed the ADHD representation because it showed how it affects Lizzie’s daily life and the struggles that many people with the condition suffer from. After the bombshell is dropped, it is quite a predictable story but this made it a lovely easy read. It’s ultimately about accepting who you are and focusing on the people who love the real version of you. Sweet, sexy and funny, Lizzie Blake is a character I won’t forget easily.

NON-FICTION: Trans Sex: A Guide for Adults by Kelvin Sparks.

Kelvin Sparks is a popular sex blogger who takes us through the ins and outs (literally!) of navigating sex and surgery as a transgender person. Exploring desire, arousal, pleasure, kink, dysphoria, consent and more, it’s a one-stop-shop for all your trans sex educational needs. As a cisgender woman, I found it very insightful and I learned so much about what transgender people go through when they have surgery and their sexual experiences. These topics are all dealt with very sensitively and plenty of myths are busted. It’s a highly useful resource for gender non-conforming people and even for cisgender readers, it’s very educational!

MIDDLE-GRADE: The Red Red Dragon by Lynne Reid Banks.

Red is a dragon who lives with his Mag and Dag. He knows that Uprights are his enemies, which is why he’s confused when the first one he meets, Lou seems to be kind and funny. Red begins to realise that perhaps dragons and Uprights don’t need to be at war and that perhaps he can reunite the two creatures. This funny quirky dragon story is about kindness and accepting difference. There are some beautiful illustrations and the world building was really lovely. There is also some commentary on global warming with a possible glimpse into our future, which acts as a warning to do all we can for the planet. The power of books is another motif that brought the whole world together. It was a really lovely, powerful middle-grade story that I’d recommend to all young readers.

YA: Friends Like These by Jennifer Lynn Alvarez.

Despite their falling out years ago, Jessica is dragged to Tegan Sheffield’s end of summer party by her boyfriend Jake. But a viral video event at the party leaves Jessica in tears, Tegan missing and Jake in disgrace. Then a body is found at the beach and suddenly Jessica and Jake are at the centre of the story as the media and the police close in. What really happened that night? This was a truly pulse-racing thriller with suspicion and toxic friendships everywhere. I was thoroughly gripped and intrigued by the mystery because I really didn’t trust anyone involved. The stakes were very high and I think that’s what kept the pages turning because the characters were all thoroughly unlikeable. Covered in secrets and lies, it’s a pretty twisty ride!

THRILLER: The Ghost Woods by C. J. Cooke.

Lichen Hall stands hidden in the woods and for years, it has been a place for unmarried mothers to give birth. Pearl Gorham arrives there in 1965 and she is sure that something very strange is happening. There appears to be a young woman and her son living in the grounds but no one wants to talk about them. As the truth begins to creep through the walls, the inhabitants of Lichen Hall will have to make some sickening decisions and uncover the past before it’s too late for everyone. There are some strong Gothic vibes surrounding this mystery and the multi-layered plot is highly unique. The characters are very easy to root for because there is plenty of insight into 1960s attitudes towards unmarried pregnant women and homosexuality. I loved the dark folkloric atmosphere and I couldn’t wait to find out what was really in the woods. It does get very strange and gruesome towards the end but if you love dark, chilling reads, it’s a definite winner for you!

[iwadori]

Getting hurt in argument PT 1 (Iwaizumi, Tsukishima)

hi!! so can i request a hurt to comfort with iwaizumi, tsukishima and any character that you want ? i saw you had reblogged a prompt list so you could us 18 for inspiration! @sheiscalling

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Word count: 2.1K

Genre: angst,fluff

masterlist

Tsukishima:

You and Tsukishima just moved in with each other a few days ago

Sharing a house has kind of put you at odds

As getting used to each others habits takes a while to get used too

You just hope that after a while things will go back to usual

Tsukishima has been conveniently busy since you guys moved in together, claiming he has to practice more since the Sendai Frogs have a supposed upcoming tournament. 

So he’s left you to your own devices unpacking boxes, picking out and buying furniture whilst working from home. Today’s task is choosing the wallpaper, which you wanted to ask Tsukishima’s opinion on (since he’s always been judgmental of certain colours, patterns and prints.)

Y/N: Hey Tsukki! You coming to *insert store that sells wallpapers here* today… it closes at 5pm??

Kei: Yhh practices finishes at 1 so I’ll probably run some errands get changed and meet you there for 3

Y/N: Okay! See you then <3

You were ecstatic, Tsukishima is finally going to do something for your new place and on the plus you get to spend time together. Maybe you’ll get to go to that new desert place across the road from your house.

2:45PM

You decide to get there a tad bit early so you can have a few options picked out (as you know how detailed and picky Kei can be.) As you picked out paints and swatches you noticed how time went by…

3:14PM

Surprised that Kei isn’t here right on the dot (since he despises lateness and on many occasion have reprimanded you when you’ve been just a tiny bit late) but just assume he’s stuck in traffic or something.

3:32

You’re still standing outside waiting, getting a tiny bit embarrassed of the looks of the passer-by strangers as if they could tell you’re desperately waiting for someone. You checked your phone, expecting a message from Kei explaining his lateness or saying he’lll be there soon.

4:00

He’s now an hour late, with no contact at all which got you frustrated as you really hoped that he would do at least one thing for you today. So you decided to go and choose what YOU want since it seems that Kei doesn’t seem to really care.

5:15

After nearly emptying the store with all your choices and additional furniture picks you finally make it back home with still NO word from Kei. You are completely over it! But he is now the least of your worries, now your current agenda is unpacking plates and cutlery (so you and Tsuki actually have something to eat of off and that’s if he ever joins you for dinner)

You’re washing and polish plates as you hear your front door open and shut with a slight slam. “Ugh practice was draining today” he said, tired 

You did not acknowledge his presence at all, you were beyond agitated that he made plans with you and then didn’t show up AND THEN didn’t even make sure the first thing he did was apologise. “Babe, whats for dinner” He asked entering the living room.

AN: Btw you have like a open kitchen type of thing so you can see the kitchen and the living room in the same room if that makes sense ://

You still ignored him, washing your plates annoyance slowly but surely building up inside of you the more he spoke “Y/N, did you hear me i asked what was fo-” Tsukishima stopped his words as he saw all the stuff you’ve bought for the house and before realising that he blew off your plans together he says,

“Y/N.. what the fuck is this shit”

That made you take a pause, and freeze ‘That is all he’s worried about’ you think. As you’re still ignoring him and he’s wondering why you decided to buy all this ‘crap’ (in his words not yours) he picks up one of the wallpaper designs and brings it to you.

“Y/N you really think we’re putting this shit on the walls..?” He asked 

You still ignore him, scrubbing harder and harder on the same plate you’ve been washing since he’s got here ( you definitely know it’s clean by now but who cares )”Y/N, are you listening to me” He then grabs your shoulders turning him to face you “Why the fuck would you buy this??” 

By now you were raged, “Is that ALL you care about!” You shout “You don’t care how I’ve been slaving away getting this place, our NEW place ready for us to live in but you don’t care you’re so self obsessed that all you’ve been doing is going to practice and complaining!”

He was about to speak before you stopped him again “Oh and by the way if you’ve got a problem with my choices for our walls then maybe YOU should’ve been at the store at the time we agreed upon! You dick.” after saying this his lips part in surprise, as he now remembers the promise he made you. 

You turn your body back to the sink, tears filling your eyes as you go back to ferociously scrubbing the plate again. 

“Y/N I’m sorry I-” He starts

“Oh shut the fuck up Tsukishima” You say a bit to agressively slamming your hands (and the plate) down on the counter, cutting your hand in the process 

“Shit” You say as blood starts to seep through your hand well there goes the clean plate you get a towel and hold it against your hand stopping the blood for a short while and you bend down to start picking up the plate remains as Tsukishima just stands there not really knowing what to say or do.

“Y/N i’m sorry about EVERYTHING” he says bending down to your level as you still pick up the plate remains. “What can I do to make this all better?”

“Just fuck off Tsuki” You say bitterly not looking him in the eyes

“I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay” he says grabbing your wrist softly to stop you from further injury “Just come sit down so i can atleast bandage your hands”

You finally look up at him, tears still in your eyes but you silently agree getting up and letting him lead you to the couch. He bandages you up, not saying a word as your sniffles and whimpers fill the quiteness in the room.

“Y/N. I am really truly sorry I-” He says

“Why don’t you care anymore?” You interrupt tears now streaming down your face “I know i can be overbearing at times, but I just wanted you to be excited about moving in with me as I was about you. Do you not want to live with me anymore” you cried

“I’m sorry i’ve been so busy it’s just practice and tournaments and … I was kind of nervous about moving in with you I just love you so much and I don’t want to mess anything up” he said “And I’m sorry about not coming to the store I just got tired up with practice and I’m just really sorry Y/N”

He goes over to the things you’ve bought and picks up one of the paint colours you chose (your favourite option) “This is beatiful Y/N you have such a great taste and I like anything that you like to be honest.”

He stares at you for a response as he noticed your tears have stopped running, which is a good sign. “I just want you to be more involved and show that you care about me about us “ you say

“I will and I do.. I always do” He said pulling you into a hug 

“I love you Kei” You say into his chest 

“I love you too” 

You spend the rest of your night unpacking plates, putting up wallpaper, painting walls and putting up furniture ending up on the couch with two slices of strawberry shortcake from the bakery across the street watching an episode of *insert your favourite TV show here* in your new place which you can finally call a home.

Iwaizumi:

You and Iwaizumi have been dating since highschool

You’ve had a past with anger issues but that was all sorted before you met Iwa

You’re very hard working and sometimes overworking but you have Iwa to always make sure you’re not too hard on yourself

You play volleyball just like your boyfriend, being the captain of your team is your pride and joy but sometimes you are way too hard on yourself trying to reach perfection. 

You’re in the gym way past normal hours setting to yourself against the wall with sweat dripping down your forehead breathing slightly more than usual

‘5 more minutes’ you think to yourself knowing damn well it’s going to be more than 5 minutes but you just have to perfect your form then you can stop.

You stop for a small water break and also to check your phone seeing 5+ messages from your lovely boyfriend Hajime

Haji: Y/N how was your day 

Haji: What do you want for dinner

Haji: I think we should get chinese

Haji: Y/N… you alive

Haji: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeffhpeE/

Haji: I just ran into *Insert Best friends name* and she told me you were last seen at practice I hope you’re not in the gym Y/N

Haji: I’m coming to the gym… you better not be there

By the time you start going back to set against the wall you look up to see a semi mad Hajime at the doors of the gym..

“Y/N.. I thought you said you wasn’t going to keep overworking yourself this term” He said slowly approaching you 

“Just” set “Gotta” set “Fix” set “My” set “Form” 

“Your set is fine babe, it’s perfect … you’re perfect” he says reaching out to touch you

“Well I guess perfect isn’t good enough then” you mumble

“Y/N that’s not what I meant” He responds touching your shoulder

Out of reflex, your hand flicks to his face your nail (which are amazingly sharp and long) catches him on his cheek causing a petite cut to now appear and small amounts of blood to come out of it. You both are frozen shocked at what just happened, you never meant to touch him like that at all. 

You quickly rush to your stuff leaving your volleyball in the gym running out the doors. How could you be so horrible, hitting your boyfriend in the face after doing so much work getting over all your anger issues. ‘Hes going to hate you now’ you think.

You stop at a bench trying to clear your head, crying softly to yourself worrying now about your relationship with Haji and where it stands now. Without you noticing, Iwaizumi sits down next to you, waiting for you to compose your self before speaking.

“I know you didn’t mean it Y/N” he said pulling you under his arm 

“Iwa, I’m so so sorry I didn’t mean to stay late in the gym it’s just that we have a competition next week and last time we lost because of me and I just … wanted it all to be perfect “ You said sniffling you look up at him and see the cut on his face that you caused making you even more upset “I am really sorry, I understand that you probably want to break up with me for hurting you which is completely valid”

You don’t want him to confirm your suspicions of him breaking up with you, so you abruptly stand up getting reading to move onwards again before he grabs your wrist “you’re not leaving till I know you’re okay” he says

which makes you laugh a bit “It’s crazy that I’m the one that messed up, yet you’re worrying about me”

“Well that’s my job Y/N, I always worry about you when you’re overworking yourself and being hard on yourself it’s not good” he said “accidents happen, I know you didn’t intend on me getting hurt and I know you’re going to do great in the upcoming game babe dont worry”

A week later, all was forgotten Iwa’s cheek healed quickly and he never blamed you for it all and reminded you that it wasn’t your fault whenever it seemed you felt bad about it.

You’re now playing your volleyball game Iwa in the stands cheering you on as loud as he could and of course you were doing your best because in Hajime’s words you are perfect.

AN:Thank you so much for my first request I hope you like it. I’m not really a fan of the Iwa one but the tsuki one i like the way it went even though I was meant to add a third character but got too tired. But thank for the request keep them coming!! 

[psychovigilantewrites]

Stay Away

Pairing: Reader/Jason Todd

Genre: Smut

TW: AGE GAP!! PSEUDO-INCEST! PLEASE READ SUMMARY, IVE RECEIVED LOTS OF CRITICISMS FOR THIS FIC SOOOO 

Summary: THIS IS A REPOST SINCE TUMBLR TOOK IT DOWN DUE TO POSSIBLE REPORTS LOLOL 

This fic is about a young Robin!Reader with a much older Jason. Mentions of past sexual abuse. This started out as a drabble lol, I got carried away. Anyway, Hope you enjoy! I love reading comments, so don't be shy!

Edit: Due to this fic being my only controversial one, I’d like to update the warnings by giving a brief description of what happens. Reader is adopted by Bruce at 14, she has a small innocent crush on Jason that isn’t explored until she is older (Jason has ZERO feelings for her at this stage because SHE IS JUST A KID HERE). At 16, she becomes more aggressive in flirting with Jason. At 17 (Gotham’s legal age of consent- I based this on New York’s age of consent), she has oral sex with Jason. At 18, they have sex (Jason is 27).

I wrote this a while back, and now that I’ve learned a few things along the way, I realise that a sexual relationship between a 27 year old and an 18 year old is still highly problematic- even though legal. I do not condone these actions in real life, and I doubt Jason would as well. This is purely fictional, an outlet for my fantasies when I was younger. I still do not believe in creative censorship and I want people to enjoy this fic even if it has no place in the real world. We are all allowed to escape into fiction and our own fantasy and enjoy them privately without guilt. 

“And this is Jason,” Bruce introduced you to him.

Another one?, Jason thought, though he felt slightly guilty for thinking it. He had many problems with Bruce, but deep down he knew that Bruce adopted all of them out of kindness and good intentions.

“Hey,” he grunted, holding out his hand.

You just looked at him with big, frightful eyes, still sticking close to Bruce’s side. You looked young. You couldn’t have been older than fourteen. Your hair was cropped messily short, and it made you look almost like a young boy.

Jason raised an eyebrow and dropped his hand when you didn’t take it.

“Who’s he?” you whispered to Bruce with a soft voice that the average person wouldn’t have been able to hear.

“He, well,” Bruce hesitated, “He’s Red Hood.”

Jason’s eyebrows shot up.

“I decided to tell her everything,” Bruce explained to Jason, “So she can make an informed choice since young.”

“When you’re that young,” Jason glanced at you then back to Bruce, “Anything would sound cool. Even something dangerous that will rob you of your childhood. It’s not an informed choice, you’re basically dangling a cookie in front of her.”

“I’m not young,” you squeaked, “You’re just old.”

Jason scoffed at that.

Though you had voiced out your comeback, you were still shaking in nervousness, refusing to meet his eye.

Jason couldn’t blame you for that. He knew how his eyes looked.

“All of you were younger than her when you chose this life,” Bruce said softly.

“Did we really choose, Bruce?” he argued back.

“I’m not encouraging her,” he defended, “In fact, I’m doing the exact opposite. This time, I’m telling her the truth and nothing but the truth. The good, and the ugly.”

Jason saw how you didn’t like the way the conversation was going, talking about you as if you weren’t there. You had a deep frown on your face that made you look older than you were, but also, paradoxically, a cute pout that brought out the child in you.

“Whatever,” he finally shrugged, “Your kid. As if any of us had a say in anything anyway. If this was the only reason why you asked me to come here, I’ll be leaving.”

He turned to leave the manor, to go back to his safe house.

“Good riddance, old man!” you called out after him in a shaky voice.

Jason looked back and raised an eyebrow. You immediately blushed and avoided his eyes. In the back of his head, he thought about how he could recognize your accent anywhere.

***

The next time Jason visited the manor, which was about two months after the initial introduction, he found Bruce training you basic self-defense in the Cave.

Your hair had grown slightly, and you probably fixed the cut to suit your features better.

“What happened to being discouraging?” he said out loud.

You jumped at his voice, but Bruce looked at Jason knowingly.

“It’s just self-defense,” Bruce explained, “Useful regardless of Robin or not. She’s a fast learner.”

Jason saw how your face lit up at his praise.

Great, he thought. You weren’t even Robin yet and you already got that Robin complex every one of them seemed to have had.

The constant need for praise and emotional connection from Bruce, as well as a sense of delusional idolization of the man who adopted all of you.

“Where’s Grayson?” he huffed.

“Right here, Jay,” Dick’s warm and bright voice came from behind. Jason resisted the urge to jump just like you did.

Dick was already in his Nightwing costume, and walked towards you.

“Hey little sis!” he greeted, arms open. You flung yourself at him for a hug.

Jason rolled his eyes.

“Don’t the two of you live here?” he scoffed.

“Just because you’re emotionally constipated doesn’t mean the rest of us are,” you shot at him.

Jason smirked. You were feisty, yet still wary of him.

He found that adorable.

“She’s right,” Dick chuckled, “You wanted to see me, Jay?”

“Later,” he mumbled, and changed into his alter ego.

Once Jason and Dick were alone on patrol, he brought it up.

“Don’t you disagree with this?”

“With what?”

“Her,” he said, “Or more specifically, him bringing her into all of this.”

“I did at first,” Dick frowned, “But you’ve only met her once, Jay. You don’t live with her. She’s been through a lot, and her being Robin, well, I think it’d be good for her.”

Jason felt his chest tightening. Bruce had always used the excuse that he made all of them into Robin to help channel their emotions into doing good, to prevent them from falling into darkness.

Yet, Jason still did. And he fell right into an abyssal void that he was still trying to get out of.

“Maybe,” Dick continued, “You should get to know her. You’ll see what I’m talking about, and what Bruce sees in her. Tim disagreed at first as well, but after a while, even he warmed up to the idea.”

He frowned at Dick, and then looked away, sighing.

“Whatever.”

***

A month later, Jason had agreed to meet Dick and Tim at a diner.

The food wasn’t that good, and the service average, but it held many memories for him. Dick used to take him there after patrol when he was still Robin. When he went rogue, Dick had brought Tim there. Post-rogue, all three of them would meet up.

He was early, because he was closer. He waited about ten minutes before he saw Tim walking through the door, with Dick behind him. Following Dick, he saw you.

He frowned.

He supposed that he had to get used to you being around, since you were already in the picture.

He didn’t know why he felt like distancing himself from you. With Tim, he had a good reason. A personal reason that he had moved on from.

But you? He had no reason to push you away. Though, Jason had the tendency to push everyone away.

Dick took a seat next to Jason at the booth, and across from him were Tim and you. You were dressed simply in an oversized hoodie he recognized belonged to Dick. It made you seem smaller and younger than you really were. Your hair was in a short bob now. So you were growing it out after all.

Fine. He decided to give you a chance. He had been unfair to you, after all.

“Isn’t a bit too late for you to be out, kid?” he poked at you, “Don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“Fuck you, you colossal freak of nature,” you cussed at him.

Jason was taken aback.

And then he started laughing out loud.

You weren’t so bad after all. The shyness and wariness that you displayed the earlier times almost all gone, and then there was that familiar accent that he somehow felt at ease listening to.

Dick let out a loud groan.

“You owe me twenty,” Tim suddenly said to Dick.

“Come on,” Dick addressed you, “I had faith in you! What happened?”

“It’s just in my nature, okay?” you pouted, “I can’t help it.”

Dick fished out a twenty and threw it at Tim.

“What is happening?” Jason asked, confused.

“I bet ten that the first thing she says to you would be an insult, twenty if she threw in the word ‘fuck’,” Tim grinned.

“And I,” Dick enunciated dramatically, “Thought that she would at least hold it in until after we finished eating.”

“What, you a potty mouth or something?” Jason smirked at you.

“Unless Alfred or Bruce is around,” you grinned.

It was the first time you smiled at him.

“Coward,” he shook his head, “I used to say all sorts of shit even in front of Bruce and Alfred. You gotta step up your game, kid.”

“And Alfred got you bankrupt, didn’t he?” Dick reminded, “You had to put so much of your allowance in the swear jar.”

“I believe in freedom of expression, alright?” Jason huffed, “I had to stand by my principles.”

“Principles?” Tim scoffed, “You?”

“Yes, me, Timbers,” Jason reiterated, “I’m a man of my word. If I’m gonna swear, I’m gonna go all the way.”

“You’re an old man of your word,” Jason heard you mumble.

“I’m only twenty-three, sweetheart,” he responded, “Dick’s the old man here.”

“Am not!” Dick protested.

“Yeah, Dick’s not,” you agreed.

“How does that make any sense?” Jason challenged.

“Because Dick doesn’t treat me like I’m a kid,” you shrugged, “He brings me up to his level, so I don’t see him as an old man. You on the other hand…”

“But you are a kid!” Jason argued back, “What are you, twelve?”

“You know for a fact that I’m fourteen!” you growled.

Jason grinned at you, and expected you to continue defending yourself. But for some reason, you just remained silent, and he saw a blush of red settling on your cheeks.

“Whatever you say, kid.”

***

The time that passed between that night and the next time he came back was shorter. He watched you train with Dick, and saw that you had already improved a lot.

He went back, and came back again, three weeks later. Your moves were faster, cleaner, more efficient.

He went back, and came back again, a week later. You landed a blow on Tim.

Soon, he realised that he was looking forward to his visits, because he wanted to see how much you progressed during the short time he was gone- and you never disappointed.

“She must be training nonstop,” he casually said to Tim one night on patrol. Bruce still didn’t allow you out with them yet, because you were still too new.

“Dude, she wakes up at four every morning to train for two hours before going to school,” Tim told him, “After she gets back, she does her homework and studies for a bit, and then trains again for another three hours before going to bed. She’s borderline crazy.”

Jason frowned to himself.

He knew that pattern. Training relentlessly to lose himself in the physical exertion, to feel like he had some sort of power every time he landed a punch, to regain some sort of control.

You were either running away from something, or towards something.

“I never asked,” he started, “But how did he end up adopting her?”

“Uh,” Tim rubbed the back of his head in hesitation, “I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you. You should ask her yourself.”

“Oh, come on,” he groaned, “You mean to tell me that you asked her yourself? Dick or Bruce didn’t tell you?”

“Of course!” Tim grumbled, “We’re friends, Jason. We hang out. We talk. You’re the only one missing from the circle.”

“Fucking whatever.”

***

He really wanted to ask, he really did.

If not out of care, then out of curiosity.

But honestly, a heart to heart talk with another human being? That wasn’t him.

Yet, he really wanted to know.

He had tried to sit down next to you when you were just watching TV alone in the living room, he had tried to knock on your door while you were blasting shitty music out loud. He had even tried to call you up and see if you wanted to meet him for dinner somewhere.

But he never got to it.

In the end, a year had passed since he first met you, and it was your big night. It was your first debut as Robin.

“Stick to at least one of us,” Jason overheard Bruce instruct you in the Cave, “Don’t go off on your own, don’t act first, and always listen to orders.”

“Yes, sir,” you rolled your eyes, then put on your domino mask.

Jason smirked at your attitude. You had come out of your shell and he learned that you were really a feisty, sassy, annoying little brat.

He thought the Robin uniform suited you. It was more modern than his was- the colors more muted- and he saw that you probably had demanded Bruce to include designs of your own. Like how your black cape sort of shimmered in the light, and how there was fucking lace at the lateral sides of your legs.

Your hair was long now.

All of you split up during patrol, and Jason had found himself panting on a roof after taking down a dozen guys who thought it was a good idea to seek revenge for the time he pissed on them from the edge of a building while they were doing a drug exchange.

It had been pretty funny, the way they were so furiously humiliated.

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw a movement. He turned to look at the building from across the street, and saw that you were sitting there on the edge, legs dangling, overlooking the alley below.

He grappled to where you were and silently approached you from behind.

“I thought he told you to stick to someone,” he said.

“Jesus, fuck,” you jumped, “Stop doing that, you asshole.”

“Think of it as training for your ears,” he chuckled, and sat down next to you.

“I was with Bruce, then Dick, then Tim, then I ran away from Tim to find you,” you explained, “Looks like you found me first, though.”

“Why did you want to find me?”

“Dunno,” you shrugged, “It’s my first night. Just wanted to see everyone in action.”

“Well, you missed one big fight,” he said, “Took out a dozen guys in under five minutes.”

“Not bad,” you smirked, “Wish I could have seen it.”

“You will eventually,” he hummed, “It’s not a big deal.”

“Yes, because you obviously have done worse,” you poked.

“Is that why you were so afraid of me in the beginning?” Jason wondered, “Because you knew I killed people?”

“I was never afraid of you,” you frowned, “What gave you that idea?”

“You couldn’t stop shaking the first time I met you,” he reminded.

“Fine,” you conceded, “You looked pretty big and scary. And when Bruce said that you were Red Hood, that shook me up a bit. But it wasn’t because you killed people.”

“That’s a first,” he scoffed.

“But now I know that you’re just a massive prick who pretends to be badass to cover up the fact that you’re just a sad, fragile being- well, it’s hard to be scared.”

“Oh, we’re throwing shade now are we?” he snickered, “What about you and your obsession with training just to compensate for the fact that you feel small and weak inside with no control over your life?”

He had expected you to retort, but you just frowned and looked down towards the alley.

Shit.

Jason always had that problem where he didn’t know when to shut up, or what not say to people. Granted, most of the time he didn’t care if the other party got offended or not.

But he didn’t want to hurt you.

He was just going to open his mouth to apologize until-

“I’ve been here before,” you started, “This alley. A long time ago. My big brother- he dragged me here away from my dad so he could beat me up.”

Jason remained silent in shock.

“Not that my dad was any better,” you added, “I guess my brother was like that to me because my dad was like that to him.”

He didn’t know how to respond to that. Was he supposed to comfort you? Or tell you something funny to distract you from the sadness?

Instead, he asked, “What about your mom?”

Jason’s mom had been there, yet not fully there. But when she was, he was grateful at least, to know the warmth of a hug in a run down apartment with no heater during the winter.

“Died giving birth to me,” you explained, “Dad always blamed me for it. He’d tell me that he wished I was never born- that he wished he wore a condom when he fucked mom, that at least if she was alive, he didn’t need to fuck whores.”

“And fuck whores, he did,” you continued bitterly, “But they weren’t enough, I guess. He- he even- I-”

You never finished your sentence, but you didn’t need to. Jason was smart enough to put two and two together.

He felt his blood boil, his rage seeping in. It was like he was that Red Hood again. And for the first time since he came back to Bruce, he didn’t try to push that memory away.

He could go rogue again. Just one more time.

“Where is he- they- where are they now?” Jason managed to grit, tasting blood in his mouth.

“Dead,” you snorted, “Thanks to you.”

“What?”

That took him out of his burning anger.

“Turns out dad was working with Black Mask,” you elaborated, “He dragged my brother with him as well. It’s how he managed to afford all those prostitutes and heroin, I guess. I think they were at one of those shipments you crashed or something back then. You left twenty dead.”

Fuck, he remembered.

Black Mask was at the docks, waiting for a shipment of weapons, drugs, and girls. He remembered feeling frustrated that Black Mask slipped away before he got to him, so he took out his anger on everyone else working with Black Mask.

“Lived in the streets after that,” you continued, “Fend for myself. Cut my hair short so people would think I was a boy. I had to stay tough, you know? When Bruce found me, I was doing an odd job for one of the local gangs. Small one. Was supposed to recruit people my age. Start them young, he said. I guess Bruce had been following me for a bit. He approached me and that scared the shit out of me.”

You paused to smile sadly at the memory.

“But he just asked me for my name, and age,” you stared into space, “And he told me that I could do better than that. That I had potential. He asked me if I wanted to help people rather than drag them into dangerous stuff. And how could I say no? Especially after wishing for so long that someone would come and help me when I was with my dad and brother living in a run down apartment with a leaking roof near Crime Alley.”

You finally looked at him.

Jason was glad that he was wearing a helmet, because he wanted to hide from the stabbing guilt he felt. He didn’t want you to see him that way.

“So you’re right,” your blank white lenses pierced his own, “I train because I want to feel strong, because I’ve felt weak my whole life. I train to feel as if I have control over my own body, my own movements. Hell, even the fact that I grew my hair long gave me a sense of control.”

“I’m sorry,” Jason finally managed to croak, “I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine,” you dismissed, “Plus, you did me a favour before. I kind of owe you one.”

“Favour?”

“You got rid of my dad for me,” you stood up, “Thanks.”

And for the first time, looking up at you as you were looking down, smiling at him, he didn’t see you as a kid.

“Sure thing, kid.”

***

Jason started dropping by once every two weeks. Sometimes he would even come around twice in a week.

He had warmed up to you after you told him your story, though he was kind of frustrated that Dick, Tim, and Bruce were all right, and he was the wrong one all along because he didn’t know you.

But then, you also started warming up to him.

And that became the major issue.

Since you donned the Robin uniform, your ego had spiked up. Your confidence and arrogance came with every progress you made. A year into Robin, Jason couldn’t see a semblance of that frightened little girl with the short hair, voice shaking as she tried to insult him.

No, now you were just so fucking annoying.

And for some reason, you started to be more aware of your sexuality as your confidence grew.

At the age of 16, you had started coming onto Jason strong.

“Jason,” you pouted at him, “Why don’t you come stay at the Manor anymore?”

“Because you’re there, kid,” he joked, staring at Gotham’s skyline from the rooftop where you, him, and Batman would occasionally stop to catch a breath.

“Jasooon,” you whined, high pitched and long, “I miss spending time with you.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, because you were touching his arm, squeezing his biceps. Not that you could see his face, given the helmet he wore. He kind of missed how you were back then. All you had were insults and swear words for him, and you definitely didn’t whine.

“Don’t you have Tim to annoy?”

“He’s always busy,” you huffed, “And when he’s not busy, he’s sleepy. Tim’s boring. You’re more fun, in an assholey cocknose dickweed kind of way.”

Ah, there it was, your colorful language. He had to admit, your creativity impressed him.

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” he chuckled.

“So why don’t you come over some time and we can have some fun?” you purred seductively.

Jason was taken aback.

He wasn’t sure whether you meant it innocently, or whether you had hidden motives. He glanced at Bruce who was minding his own business, ignoring the two of you.

He didn’t think you would flirt with him in front of Bruce, so he dismissed it and blamed himself for thinking lewd things.

“My idea of fun involves a bottle of whiskey and B-Grade horror movies, kid,” he patted you on the head, “And you’re too young to drink.”

“Hmph,” you slapped his hand away, “That’s not what I was talking about, but whatever.”

You strutted away.

It wasn’t that he didn’t find you attractive, it was that he shouldn’t find you attractive. What was a 16 year old doing flirting with someone his age? Weren’t you supposed to have crushes on the quarterbacks in your school?

Hell, even if you wanted someone who knew of your nighttime activities, there always were the Teen Titans, whom you regularly joined. That Aqualad wasn't a bad kid, but for some reason he didn't like the thought of you dating just yet.

But still, you had no business with someone like Jason. Age wise, or personality wise.

*** Two weeks later, he dropped by again for movie night.

When he walked into the living room, the only person who quirked up when they saw him was you, probably because the rest had already heard him coming.

“Jay!” you squealed, and ran to him, flinging your arms around his neck in a hug.

“Hey- oomph,” he slightly stumbled. It was the first time you hugged him.

And now that you were so close, he was hyper aware of you. You were wearing shorts and a tank top- with no bra. He could smell your vanilla lotion and your chocolate spice shampoo.

He could feel your strong arms, your heavy weight, your burning heat against him.

And for the first time, he actually got turned on by you.

Fuck, he thought. He shouldn’t be thinking of you like that. As if the age difference wasn’t vast already, you were still underaged.

He awkwardly patted you on the back, in an attempt to respond to the hug. He could make out Tim and Dick snickering at him at his obvious discomfort.

“You’ve gained weight,” he gruffed, trying to break the hug because he was dangerously close to popping a boner.

As expected, you let go of him.

“Yeah, I did!” you grinned happily, “I’ve gained about five pounds of muscle mass!”

You started flexing your toned biceps comically.

“Maybe you can gain five pounds of brain mass next time, kid,” he smirked and ruffled your hair.

“I’m pretty sure that’s a medical condition, you twatwaffle arsebadger,” you shot back at him.

“Jar,” a chorus of lazy mumbles from everyone else rose.

You grumbled and walked towards a coffee table, where a clear mason jar almost filled to the brim with folded notes sat. You shoved in five dollars.

Jason took off his jacket and sat next to Dick on the long sofa. You then hopped towards him and started snuggling next to him.

Jason looked at Dick in question.

Dick merely shrugged.

Jason had a hard time concentrating on the movie that night, because you leaning your head on his chest, and playing with the denim of his jeans absentmindedly.

He wasn’t used to it.

Human contact.

And he knew how you were. You were probably the same with Dick and Tim. You just chose him that night to snuggle up to.

But then you made a comment about how hot the guy in the movie was. Jason didn’t think much of it until you leaned up to press your mouth on his ear and whispered, “Not as hot as you, though.”

That made him jump out of his seat in panic.

Everyone else looked at him suspiciously, but you were just looking at him with a knowing smirk.

“Toilet,” he mumbled, and left.

“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck,” he paced in small circles in a washroom down the hall.

He looked at his reflection only to see how red he was at his ears. He gripped the edges of the sink and took deep breaths, trying to play it cool.

Now, it was obvious that you were flirting with him. There was no denying it.

But why on God’s planet were you?

Jason groaned quietly to himself.

Whatever. He thought that you’d probably just drop it eventually.

***

Half a year later, and it didn’t.

And it got bad. Real bad.

Jason still kept visiting regularly, and every single time he did, he would get almost sexually harassed by you.

He was just sitting down in an armchair in the living room, reading a book, when you came along, and with the most arrogant, most entitled smirk, sat on his lap.

“Get off,” he grit, eyes never leaving his book. He was scared of what you were wearing this time.

“But you’re so warm,” you hummed, swinging up your legs across his lap, so that you were being cradled by him and the armchair.

“The fire’s right there,” he pointed to the fireplace, “If you need help, I can throw you in it.”

“I’d rather you throw me in bed,” you purred.

He snapped his book shut and squeezed the bridge of his nose.

“Just. Get. Off,” he growled.

It was dangerous. Your smell was intoxicating, and you were shifting and shuffling against his front. His mind started to wander, and he hadn’t even looked at you yet.

“But Jasooon,” you whined, “You’re nice and soft.”

He glared at you.

And regretted it.

You were wearing an almost see-through white loose t-shirt that exposed your shoulders. The thin fabric clung onto the curves of your breasts which were- thankfully- covered by a pink bra. You had a pair of satin booty shorts on which hardly covered your ass, which was sitting on top of his crotch.

“Actually, no let me take that back,” you pretended to wonder, “You’re pretty hard.”

And you gave him a wicked grin.

His eyes widen in panic and he stood up suddenly, causing you to fall flat on the floor.

“Fuck!” you cursed, “What's the big deal, jizzcock?”

He left the room and rushed to the toilet. He looked down, and found his penis was normal, flaccid, non-erect, unfilled.

That bitch fucking tricked me, he thought.

And he fell for it.

He went to look for Bruce who was in the cave, in front of the computers.

He took a wheeled chair and sat behind him.

“Bruce,” he started, “I need to talk to you.”

“What is it?” Bruce asked without sparing a glance at him.

That ticked him off a bit.

“It’s about your daughter.”

Jason saw Bruce pause, and then turned around to finally face him. “What about her?”

“She’s been flirting with me,” he grumbled.

Bruce raised an amused eyebrow.

“She’s sixteen, and she’s flirting with a twenty-five year old man!” he complained, “If she’s doing this to me, God knows who else she’s been doing this to!”

“And?” Bruce questioned.

“And? And?” Jason repeated, “And aren’t you worried?”

“She can take care of herself,” Bruce stated, “She’s mature. She won’t let herself be taken advantage of.

“Look, Bruce,” Jason squeezed his temples, “It’s great that you trust her and all that, but don’t you think it’s kind of fucked up? Christ, she’s sixteen!”

“And she’s well aware of that,” he said, “What would you have me do? Do you want me to talk to her?”

“Forget it,” he gave in, and left for his safehouse without saying goodbye to you.

Because that night he laid on his bed in the dark, guiltily thinking about your ass on his dick earlier. But thankfully unlike earlier, he had allowed his cock to fill up.

He knew he shouldn’t, but he thought of that time when you and him went jogging around the manor. You wore just a sports bra that showed off your cleavage, and sports shorts that rode up your ass. He couldn’t resist looking at the way your tits bounce with every step, and when you ran in front of him, his eyes darted down to check out your ass before he realised what he was doing and excused himself.

Excuse himself because he needed to stop looking, to stop thinking.

But now, he let his thoughts free.

He thought about how that one drop of sweat trickled down between the valleys of your breasts, how your muscular back glistened in the sun, how flushed your cheeks were.

He glanced down at his cock, which was already hard and leaking precum onto his stomach, twitching in need of attention.

“Don’t touch it, don’t touch it,” he muttered.

He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, but he could try to resist from touching himself.

He owed you that at the very least.

He gulped loudly.

It really wasn’t fair. You didn’t look sixteen, or act sixteen. You were far mature even at a younger age.

But you were still sixteen.

And it wasn’t fair how you could tease him and get away with it.

“Fuck,” he groaned in frustration.

The way you swore sort of turned him on as well, oddly. He loved your use of language, and how dirty your mouth was.

How even dirtier your mouth would be if he shoved his cock in-

“No,” he whined, and he touched his cock.

He stroked it once, twice, three times, and then he came hard, long ribbons splashing onto his chest.

“I am a jizzcock,” he whispered to himself in shame, and then cleaned himself up.

***

Three months later, Jason had just come back from a mission in Mexico. Throughout his trip, he’d been bombarded with texts from you.

The topics spanned from the usual banter about training, Dick, and how you’ve been annoying Alfred with “ok, boomer” memes, to you sending him mirror selfies of yourself in fitting rooms trying out clothes that made Jason almost drool and you attempting to flirt with him.

Jason responded normally to the former, but sent short uninterested texts to the latter.

But when he came back to his safe house, he found his spare handgun on his bed- which was not where he last put it. On it, was a sticky note with a written message:

Try not to lick. R.

“What the fuck?” he muttered. R must have stood for Robin, and then suddenly Jason gulped, wondering what the fuck you had done to his gun.

He opened his phone to check his conversation with you, only to find that you had sent him a ten-minute length video.

His thumbs were shaking when he clicked play.

The video started with a closeup of your face in an awkward position, setting what Jason presumed to be your phone, on a surface with an angle you had in mind. Jason looked behind him and saw that his chair had been placed right in front of his bed, where you must have put the phone on.

“Fuck,” Jason realised. He did not like where this was going.

Or did he?

In the video, you then strolled to his bed, fingers touching his sheets. You were wearing nothing but a white flowy sundress that Jason thought made your skin look absolutely radiant. But instead of sitting on his bed, you had gone out of the frame, and then came back with the gun.

He swallowed hard.

You sat on the edge of the bed with a naughty glint in your eye. And then, you started to caress yourself sensually, squeezing your breasts as you made your way down to between your legs.

Jason realised he had started sweating and panting, getting aroused as his cock slowly started to fill out.

You spread your legs and dipped your hand beneath your dress, but Jason still couldn’t see anything because you had taken the fabric and hid what was going on under. He saw your mouth fall open and you let out a long, loud moan.

“Jason.”

Jason’s breath stuttered. His cock was aching in his jeans, begging to be touched.

Your hands were working underneath the fabric, teasing Jason with only an idea of what you were doing.

“I’m so wet, Jay,” you purred at the camera.

And then, your other hand went to take the gun.

You brought it up to your lips and flattened your tongue against the gun and licked all the way to the muzzle. Even in the low quality, he could see your saliva wetting his gun. Then, you gave him a wink and brought the gun to where your other hand was, between your legs.

Jason stopped the video then and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing hard through his nose at an attempt to calm himself down. Once he did have a semblance of control, which took almost five minutes of just trying to steady his breathing, he opened his eyes and dialled your number.

“Hey, Jay,” you picked up.

“What the fuck?!” he roared, “How the fuck did you get into my safehouse? Hell, how did you even know where it was?!”

“Oh, Jason, please,” he could hear you roll yours eyes, “You’re overreacting.”

“Over-?” he growled, “Overreacting?! You came into my house and then started to- started to-”

“Fuck myself with your gun?” you giggled.

His dick twitched.

“You need to stop this, kid,” he tried to bring his rage in, “Stop it, before you regret it.”

“Or what?” you teased, “What would you do to me, Jason? Spank me?”

He couldn’t. Jason just couldn’t with you. So he ended the call and threw his phone across the room.

He sat down at the edge of the bed and buried his face in his palms. His cock was still aching, and he was dying to touch it.

He glanced at the gun next to him.

“Fuck,” he groaned, and then unbuttoned his jeans, letting out a hiss of relief when he could finally take it out.

He started to furiously stroke his cock, just staring at the gun laying there. He wanted to smell it. He wanted to lick it. He wanted to see if he could still taste you on the metal.

“God fucking dammit,” he cursed, and then he came in pulses.

*** “What’s up, fucktrumpet?” you poked.

Jason let out a long and heavy breath from his nose, the sound becoming static as it went through the voice scrambler of his helmet.

It was a week later, and Jason had joined patrol with you, Bruce and Tim.

“Fuck off, kid,” he walked away from you, pretending to be looking out for something from the ledge of the roof.

“Oh, come on,” you whined, coming closer to him anyway. “You enjoyed it.”

“Tim,” Jason turned away to approach the younger man, “How’s things?”

“Don’t ignore me!” you ran after him.

“Leave me out of whatever this is,” Tim sighed. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Pfft, you’re always in the mood for me, Timbers,” Jason nudged his side with his elbow.

“No, she’s always in the mood for you,” he pointed to you, “For some reason.”

“Well, I’m not in the mood for her,” he grit.

“Meanie,” you pouted, “All I’ve ever been is nice to you, Jay. And what do you do? Act like an absolute thundercunt.”

He wanted to laugh at that, but he couldn’t. He had to keep up his appearances.

“Listen here, you brat,” Jason finally turned to you and poked your shoulder hard with his finger, making you wince. “You stay the fuck away from me.”

“Hey, Jay,” Tim suddenly interrupted, “You don’t need to do that, man.”

“This little bitch broke into my house and started defiling my things, Tim,” he growled, “Yes, I need to do that.”

“Defiling your things?” Tim repeated.

You let out a soft giggle.

“Forget it,” Jason threw his hands up in the air. “I’ll patrol alone.”

Jason saw the slight disappointment in your eyes when he left which made him feel a little guilty, but he ignored it.

Whatever, you were basically just asking for it.

***

Another half a year went by, and Jason found himself at the Manor for Dick’s barbecue and pool party. He was already dreading it, because he knew you would be up to no fucking good, especially when you had the excuse to wear a bikini in front of him.

He had contemplated about not going, but Roy was going to be there, and Roy was making him go.

The first person Jason looked out for was you, because he had to be on his guard. He was standing at the glass sliding door of the manor that opened to the pool to survey the crowd. He spotted you in the pool, laughing at who he assumed was Aqualad- Jason didn't bother to learn his name- wearing a dark red bikini top that fixated behind your neck.

“Jaybird! You made it!” Roy’s voice boomed all the way from the other side of the pool and came running to where Jason was standing awkwardly.

He knew many of Dick's friends, but he was never particularly close to any of them besides Roy and Kori. Now that Kori was gone, Roy was all he had left.

“Don't call me that,” he grumbled back.

“Aw, come on,” Roy groaned, “You came to a pool party in a t-shirt and jeans? Seriously?”

“I wasn't planning on swimming,” he shrugged.

Roy was sporting a horrible bright yellow swimming shorts with green palm leaves.

“Well, I was, so I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Jason nodded and decided to head to the pool chairs and put on his sunglasses. He even brought a book to bury his nose into to avoid social interaction.

He heard a splash of water and from the corner of his eye, saw you coming towards him.

“Don’t even,” he snapped at you before you could get a word out.

“I wasn't even going to do anything, fucking dipshit,” you shot back.

Jason forced his eyes back to his book to avoid getting caught looking at how the water trickled down your glistening skin that looked oh so soft-

“What do you want then?” he huffed, turning a page.

“Well,” you began, taking a seat on the pool chair where Jason's feet were, “I was going to ask you about Roy.”

Jason glared at you, peeking from the top of his book.

“What about Roy?”

“You guys are close, right?” you hummed.

“I guess so.”

“Like, best friends?”

“What are we, twelve?” he scoffed, “Why are you asking me so many questions?”

“Well, since you're close to Roy,” you started, “I was wondering if you knew his type.”

“His type?”

“Yeah, like what kind of girls does he like?” you grinned.

“Ones who aren't underaged,” Jason growled.

“Jason I'm already seventeen,” you reminded, “Which is the legal age of consent in Gotham.”

“It doesn't matter,” he grumbled, “He's older than me, which makes him way too old for you. Forget it.”

You pouted, and then stood up. He had to redirect his gaze back to his book.

“It’s like you don't even know me, Jaybird,” you snickered, and with a flip of your wet hair which splashed droplets of water onto him, you strutted away.

He was gritting his jaw so hard he could feel his teeth ache.

Fuck, why can't you just stop?

“I need a fucking drink,” he muttered to himself and left for the kitchen where he rummaged through the refrigerator to find a stout.

He popped open the bottle cap on the marble edge of the kitchen island.

“Alfred would kill you if he saw you do that,” a voice laughed.

Jason rolled his eyes at Dick, who was sipping on a can of beer behind him. “I’ve gotten in trouble for worse.”

“God, I forget how similar you guys are,” he leaned against the counter.

“Who?”

“You know who. Her,” he pointed out.

“We’re not the same,” he denied, heading back outside.

“No, she deals with her issues better than you did,” Dick followed him, “As a matter of fact, you're still dealing.”

“Get to the point, Grayson,” he snapped.

“The point is, she’s not a kid, Jason,” Dick told him, “Why don't you give her a chance?”

Jason stopped in his tracks, standing still before exiting through the glass door. It was quieter inside the manor.

“A chance for what?” he grit.

“To prove herself to you,” Dick explained, “I've noticed how you treat her, Jay. Tim as well. It's like you're trying to push her away. Why? You don't think she's good enough?”

“Holy shit,” Jason started laughing humourlessly, “You think this is about me simply not liking her? You guys think I'm just being angsty?”

“Isn't it?” Dick cocked his head to the side.

“She's been fucking flirting with me, Grayson,” Jason said.

“Okay, I get that, but she sort of flirts with everyone,” he shrugged.

“She comes and sit on my lap, whispers stupid shit in my ear, sends me pictures of herself trying on revealing clothes, makes vulgar motions with her hands, fucking tries to seduce me,” he listed down, “Don't tell me she does that with everyone.”

“Okay, maybe not,” the older man frowned.

“Let me tell you, then,” Jason walked closer to Dick, “She broke into my fucking house, sat on my fucking bed, and started recording herself on her phone, and then sent the video to me.”

“Wait, what?” Dick sputtered, “Recording herself doing what?”

“You fucking know what,” he stated.

“Oh, Jesus,” Dick ran a finger through his hair, “Wow, she's ballsy.”

“That's your reaction?” Jason scoffed, “She's ballsy?”

“I mean-”

“She's sexually harassing me, Grayson!” he argued.

“But,” Dick began, “What did you really think about it? I mean, really?”

“What do you mean?” he hissed.

“Did you watch it?” Dick persisted. “The video?”

“What- I- no, I just-” Jason spluttered, caught off guard.

“You can't lie to me, Jason,” Dick gave him a mischievous smile, “You like her, too. That's why you're pushing her away. Because you don't think you're good enough for her.”

Fuck Dick and his fucking superior detective skills.

“She's too young for me,” Jason simply stated.

“Well, apparently not too young for Roy,” Dick smirked.

“What-” Jason turned around and looked outside.

You were in the pool, standing in the corner. You had a hand on Roy’s chest, looking up at him and laughing. He had a hand on your waist, and was whispering something into your ear.

Jason went into a fit of rage when he saw Roy touching you.

“Mother fucker,” Jason swore, and without thinking, went straight to where you were. He stood there at the edge of the pool, arms crossed, and looking down at the two of you who were both unaware of his presence.

“Roy,” Jason growled.

Roy jumped and looked at Jason in panic, and as if you electrocuted him, immediately jumped away from your touch.

“H-hey, Jaybird,” he awkwardly laughed, “I was just- I was- uh- I was telling her about what a great friend you were.”

“Oh, really?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah!” he nodded vigorously, “Jason here is super good with his aim as well. Could even rival mine.”

Jason ignored Roy, and glared at you, who was looking up at him with obviously fake innocent eyes.

“Out,” he commanded.

“What?”

“I said out,” he repeated. “Out of the pool. I need to talk to you.”

“Oh, come on, Jason,” you started to whine, but then stopped when you saw his expression.

You climbed out of the pool, and again, Jason had to avert his eyes. Without sparing a glance at you, he gripped you by the arm and pulled you to go inside.

“Ow! Jason, let go, fucking cocksucker!” you cried.

He snatched a towel from Tim’s grip as he walked, ignoring Tim’s protests and stares from others, and then threw it on top of your head.

“Ugh- Jason!” you complained. He continued to lead you inside the manor, up the stairs, and to his old room.

He slammed the door shut behind him.

“What's the big deal, you shitpouch?! Who do you fucking think you are? Fucking cumwipe, pisswizard, cuntpuddle...”

That wasn't the end of your swearing. You went on for another good minute of words that could make Batman blush, before stopping.

You were fuming. Your face red, your expression twisted into a scowl, water dripping all over the wooden floors, the fluffy towel around your neck that you hadn't used.

God, you were so hot when you were angry.

“You done?” he deadpanned. He sensed that you were going to go into another stream of name calling, so he cut you off.

“I told you to forget Roy,” he grit.

“And since when have I ever done what you told me to do?” you shot at him

You had a point.

“Look, kid-”

“I'm not a fucking kid, Jason!” you yelled at him for the first time, “I haven't been a kid since my dad- since I was twelve!”

Jason suddenly felt pain in his chest.

“I know you've been through shit,” Jason acknowledged, “What happened with your dad and your brother- I’m fucking glad I killed them. And even if I hadn’t back then, I would have broken every single rule and hunt them down and make them suffer before ending their lives after finding out what they did to you. Hell, before you told me that they were dead, I was already ready to turn every single rock to find them.”

Your expression softened at that.

“And I know you had to grow up fast,” he continued, “All of us who lived there did. But you're out of that now. You don't have to fucking try so hard to act older than you are anymore.”

Your eyes shone with anger once more.

“That's the thing you never got, Jason,” you spat, “I'm not trying. I never did. This is who I am.”

You were looking at him with such fierce intensity that Jason almost forgot how to breathe.

Because you were right. He had gone through the same process where he was made to grow up fast, where he couldn’t afford to act like a kid.

He looked at you, trying not to show much emotion on his face.

Somehow in the heat of the argument and you yelling cusses at him, the two of you had gotten closer to each other, and Jason could even see the tears brimming in your eyes that were threatening to spill.

He immediately felt like a piece of shit, like every word you called him. He never wanted to hurt you.

“Whatever,” Jason huffed, looking away to avoid your glare, “Just stay away from Roy.”

“Why, you two dating or something?” you smirked.

He simply glared at you. You obviously had recovered from your anger and was now back to your usual snarky self.

“Or,” you began, “You were jealous.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” Jason objected, “Why would I be jealous?”

“Because,” you drawled, walking closer to him, “You like me.”

Jason had backed up each time you walked to him, and before he knew it his back was hitting the door.

Fuck, he hated how much you affected him. You had him backed up against the fucking door, for fuck’s sake.

To get a semblance of power back, he stared at you straight in the eye, unblinking, and leaned closer to you.

“You wish,” he said coldly.

He noticed that your breath stuttered, and a blush creeped up your cheeks.

Then, he leaned back and smirked.

“Oh, no you don't,” you shook your head, “You think you can win this game, Todd?”

“Unlike you, I'm not playing a game.”

“But yes you are, Jay,” you placed your palms flat on his chest, “You’ve been playing hard to get with me.”

“Playing hard to get is only used when the other person actually wants you,” he scoffed.

He didn't know why, but he was sweating. His respiratory rate had gone up, and shit.

Shit.

He could feel his dick getting filled up.

Maybe it was how close you were to him, maybe it was the fact that you were half naked in front of him with all the privacy he could have asked for.

Maybe it was the fact that it was you who had him in a corner instead of the other way round.

“I'm not a fucking idiot, Jay. Batman trained me, too. I've seen how you look at me and I’ve seen how you tried not to.”

Fuck.

“Your pupils dilate, your breathing gets faster, you start to sweat,” you went on, “And then suddenly you excuse yourself. You run away.”

Your hands went up to his shoulders, and your body was now against his, getting his clothes wet. He could smell the chlorine on you when you leaned into his ear and whispered.

“You fucking coward,” you breathed.

Jason's breath hitched and he had to squeeze his eyes shut. He pressed his palms against the door behind him to restrain himself from touching you, grabbing you, squeezing you, slapping you.

Jason knew he was fully hard now, because it was getting painful.

Suddenly, the pressure and heat of your body against his own disappeared. He opened his eyes.

But sucked in a breath when he saw that you were on your knees in front of him, eye level to his crotch, the tent in his pants mere inches away from your lips.

“What the fuck are you- mmpf,” he threw his head back, hitting the door.

You had gripped his shaft hard, sending a pulse of pleasure through his body.

No. Jason had to stop this. He couldn't go through with this. He shouldn't.

“You want me to suck your cock, Jay?” You purred.

Jason swallowed hard, just trying his best to restrain himself.

He remained silent for a beat. And then-

“Do whatever you want,” he managed to choke out.

You showed him a winning grin, and then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, pulling down his jeans.

You started to mouth his length through the fabric of his boxers, getting it translucent with your spit. He had never been so horny in his entire life.

As much as Jason’s head was screaming at him, telling him to stop you, telling him how inappropriate it was, he didn’t have the strength to voice it out.

He wanted to tell you to stop teasing him, to hurry up and put your mouth around his cock already, but again, it was like he had lost his voice.

He was utterly conflicted, so he opt to just stay silent.

You hooked your fingers in the waistband of his briefs and then pulled it down, revealing his cock to you. He hissed slightly at the relief.

Jason wanted to remember your expression the minute you saw his cock forever, he wanted to burn it in his brain and immortalize it. Your eyes had gone rounder, your mouth popped open with a gasp, and your excitement grew.

“It’s everything that I’ve dreamed about and more,” you fluttered your eyes dramatically before gripping his shaft and licking one long, steady stripe from the base to his tip.

Jason bit his lip to muffle his groan.

You licked him again, and again, and then started to swirl your tongue around the head of his cock, tracing your tongue around the sulcus underneath his head.

Fuck, you were so fucking good at teasing him, and making him squirm.

He looked down at you, and you were looking up through your long lashes, eyes almost innocent. And then, you took him in his mouth, going all the way down.

“Fuck,” Jason gasped.

You immediately built a rhythm, the most perfect rhythm that he liked. It was suspicious how you knew his preference, and at the back of his head he made a mental reminder to check his room for hidden cameras.

You provided him with the right amount of tongue, the right amount of suction, the right amount of teeth gently grazing him from time to time that he swore could have drove him insane.

Your mouth was soft, and warm, and wet, and before he knew it, he was ready to fucking explode.

As if you were familiar with his expressions, you picked up the pace and started sucking even harder each time you bobbed your head. Jason felt his balls tighten, the heat spreading to his toes and making them tingle.

“Fuck- I’m gonna- I’m gonna-” he rasped.

And then he released with sudden explosion into your mouth, going through a sensory overdrive because as he was releasing, he could still feel you sucking him dry and swallowing.

When he was done, you released his cock with a pop and a grin.

Jason had to catch his breath for a while, because it was the best head he had ever received in his entire life, and he had managed to keep his hands off you the entire time.

“You made me jealous on purpose,” he panted.

“Duh,” you stood up after politely zipping him back up, putting your hands on your waist so fucking proudly, like a power stance.

“Where the hell did you learn how to suck cock that good?” he interrogated.

“You’ve lived in Titans Tower before,” you winked, “You should know.”

He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that statement and implication one bit.

“This can’t,” he started, “We can’t-”

“This can’t happen again?” you finished for him, rolling your eyes. “Typical. Just get over yourself already, Jason. It gets tiring.”

“I’m no good for you,” he avoided your eyes.

“You say that right after coming into my mouth,” you scoffed, “Sure.”

He clenched his jaw. You were right. He was trash for doing that to you, defiling you like that.

Jason must have let his emotions leak, because you suddenly added, “What I meant was, we’ve already crossed that line. We don’t have to go back to how it was before. I like you, Jason. And I know you like me, too.”

“That doesn’t matter,” he muttered, “This was a mistake. We can’t do this again. I’m sorry. Just stay away from me.”

He left.

***

He had avoided you for a long time after that.

Months went by, and he ignored your texts and your calls. Even the knockings outside his door. He had made sure to upgrade his security, with both Tim and Roy’s help so you couldn’t break in again.

When he went on patrols with everyone else, he made sure you couldn’t catch him alone, so he arrived at the very latest, and left at the very soonest, never exchanging more than a few words with you.

And every time, it killed him. He saw the hurt flash in your eyes every time he left quickly, he noticed that you had texted him less and less as the months went on, and eventually came to a complete stop.

You had even stopped calling him those weird, creative swear names that he loved so much.

Jason finally won. He had managed to get you to give up on him.

But hell did it make him feel like absolute shit.

Eight months had passed by, and he was getting ready for the event he had absolutely been dreading. It was your 18th birthday party that Bruce had used as an excuse to host a charity gala at the manor.

Jason thought it was a dick move for him to take advantage of your birthday for the sake of his own gain, but apparently you had been more than supportive over it, understanding Bruce’s position as one of Gotham’s elite.

He didn’t want to go. He couldn’t bear to face you again where you could pull him somewhere private to talk to him. But Dick and Tim had convinced him.

It was your birthday after all.

When he arrived, everyone was staring at him.

Well, he was wearing just a leather jacket over a black shirt and a pair of dark denim jeans after all.

“You couldn’t have dressed for the occasion, Jason?” he heard Tim approach him from behind.

Tim was sporting a suit, just like everyone else.

“Couldn’t be bothered,” he shrugged, “What’s the agenda?”

“Mingling, dinner, speeches, more mingling,” Tim listed down, “Typical charity ball. The others are at the tents. We should get going.”

“I’m the dead son, remember?” he pointed out, “I don’t need to sit with you guys.”

“We’ll introduce you as Dick’s boyfriend or something, come on,” Tim gestured.

“Oh, the media would love that,” Jason muttered under his breath and went along.

The banquet area was set outside in the backyard of the Manor, where tents with clear plastic canopies were propped up, decorated with fairy lights. Since it was spring, the weather was cool enough for suits and warm enough for strapless dresses.

The main tent had a stage where a band was playing classical music- typical tunes you would hear at any other fucking gala.

Each table seated ten, and Tim had brought Jason to a table closest to the stage where he saw Dick, Bruce, and you were already seated with four others. He recognized the Mayor, the Commissioner, Lucius Fox, and a middle aged woman with greying hair he didn’t recognize with who Jason presumed was her husband.

Jason avoided looking at you, but he knew that you were staring right at him. Tim took a seat, and Jason cursed softly when he realised that the only other seat available was in between you and Dick.

Looking straight ahead, he calmly sat down. From the corner of his eye and from a portion of what he could make out, he saw that you were wearing a midnight blue dress, and a silver bracelet around your wrist which you rested on the table.

Bruce had started to converse with the guests, and Dick and Tim were having a banter amongst themselves.

“Hey,” he heard your voice.

“Happy birthday,” he mumbled.

“Thanks,” you replied.

And that was that. The two of you remained silent, with Jason occasionally checking his phone and still avoiding looking at you.

“It’s time for our speech,” Jason heard Bruce whisper to you.

He heard you get up and shuffled to the stage. He was hardly paying attention during Bruce’s welcome speech.

“...and then, the woman of the hour, my lovely daughter,” Bruce introduced you. The audience broke out in applause. Jason still hadn’t turned your way.

“Hello, everyone,” he heard your uncharacteristically nervous and shy voice over the sound system. He took a sip of wine. “T-thank coming for you all- uh- I mean-”

The audience laughed, but not in mockery. Jason couldn’t help but look at you now.

He accidentally inhaled his wine, and ended up trying to cover his coughing fits.

Up on stage, where the spotlight was on you, he had noticed your midnight blue dress had small sparkling stars on them, making you seem like you were wearing the clear night sky. Your hair was done in a simple graceful updo, which exposed your neck that he noticed was flushed, a blush creeping up to your cheeks at your own embarrassment.

Your eyes were wide in panic, and you kept on playing with your thumbs subconsciously.

His breath stuttered, because he thought you were the most beautiful creature he had ever laid his eyes on.

You were usually so snarky, so full of confidence, and wit with a mouth that could make a sailor blush- but there you were spluttering all over the microphone, a blushing mess. And hell, did that make Jason’s chest tighten in yearning for you.

“I’m sorry, I’m not used to crowds like my father is,” you tried to laugh it off, “Here, let’s try again.”

Despite your fumbles, you had a certain charm on stage that made everyone just like you.

“Thank you all for coming to my eighteenth birthday party,” you started, “I must admit, at first I wanted my party to be small and intimate. But I realised that this celebration could be used for something good instead.”

Another round of claps.

“I come from a very… humbling area in Gotham. I’m sure we’re all familiar with Crime Alley,” you stated, confidence growing as you got used to being on stage, “It was hard, living as a child in the streets. But I got lucky. Bruce Wayne found me.”

“Being the daughter of Bruce Wayne has taught me a lot about understanding and acknowledging my own privilege and using it to help others. Growing up there, myself and many other children were faced with the harsh reality of poverty and abandonment. Therefore, I would like to announce that I have started a foundation called Wayne’s Foundation for Children of Hope, where all proceeds will go to the development of Crime Alley.”

You paused and smiled at the flashing cameras of the media and waited for the applause to die down.

“Our first initiative is to build a home for lost children aged eighteen and under, to provide shelter, basic healthcare, food, and education. The primary goal of these shelters is to help kids find a place where they belong, and to help set them back on the right track. These kids also have the option to maintain anonymity for cases that involve abusive environments.”

Jason was looking at you in awe. You were standing proudly at the podium, graceful in your posture, a fierce intensity in your eyes- all previous nervousness completely gone.

Next to him, Dick leaned in and whispered, “It was all her idea, you know. Every single plan for this foundation, even the future plans she hadn’t mentioned. All hers.”

Jason remained silent and watched as you continued your speech.

“But the truth is,” you smiled sadly, “It’s still not enough. The situation in a lot of areas in Gotham is painfully swept under the rug. But hopefully with this, people like us can make things a little better for them. If you’d like to donate to the foundation, it would mean a lot to me, and to the other kids who had to grow up too fast.”

You made eye contact with Jason at that last statement, causing his heart to suddenly drum faster.

The crowd broke in a loud applause and you thanked them graciously, waving as you stepped down from the podium to take your seat.

This time, Jason didn’t take his eyes off you.

“That was great!” Tim gave you a thumbs up, “You did great!”

“Well done,” Dick grinned.

Jason took your hand and gave it a little squeeze, just smiling at you in silence. You looked at him with obvious shock, and then grinned back.

“Beautiful, Ms. Wayne,” the Mayor sitting across from you beamed, “You’ve taken after your father’s charms.”

“Thank you, Mr. Mayor,” you nodded, “But I’d like to think that my charms are my own.”

Jason had to bite back a laugh when he saw the man turn red.

He was somehow more relaxed now, even sparing occasional glances at you as you conversed with others. The dance floor was now open, and the guests had left their seats to mingle with others. The MC also announced that the bar was open.

“That’s my cue,” Jason winked at you, and then went straight to the bar to get himself something strong. From there, he just leaned back and watched how the disgustingly rich people made themselves feel better about themselves by donating the occasional couple of million dollars. Soon enough, he got sick of the pearls and diamond earrings, the solid gold watches.

He checked his own battered and scratched Swiss Army watch he had lifted from a drug lord many years ago. He should be going back soon. It wasn’t like he was needed there anyway. He had already wished you and made peace.

“What do you think?” he heard your voice approach him.

He turned and saw you come up next to him.

“Too fancy for my taste,” he started, “Looks like it took you a whole hour just to get into the damn thing. And those shoes? Looks like the crowbar was less painful than walking around in that.”

It took you a couple of seconds before realising that he was talking about your outfit.

“I meant the foundation, you fucknugget,” you hissed.

“Be careful there, sweetheart,” he raised an eyebrow, “Don’t want these people hearing you speak like that. You’ll lose your charm.”

“I don’t know how Bruce does it,” you shook your head, “It’s so exhausting.”

Jason hummed back at you as a comfortable silence fell. The two of you leaning back against the bar and just watching the crowd.

“I think it’s a great idea,” he finally said.

“Thanks,” you pursed your lips, “I kept on thinking of you, you know? When we were coming up with the plans. Was wondering what you would think of it.”

“You’re making it sound like I’m the only one from there.”

“Well, you’re the only one who would understand,” you explained, “The others, of course they empathized. But they wouldn’t understand. Not like how you and I do.”

And Jason realised that it was that factor that probably drew you close to him when you first came to them, the fact that Jason understood at more than just a superficial level how shit your life was before coming to the manor. It was a painful past that only the two of you shared, and only the two of you could talk about.

Silence fell again.

“I’m sorry,” you suddenly brought up.

“For what?” he frowned.

“For making you uncomfortable for so long,” you whispered, “I don’t know why I did it. I guess I liked your reactions. And I guess I just wanted your attention. And during that pool party- I- I thought-”

Jason waited for you to finish your sentence.

“Nevermind,” you looked away, “Forget it. I just wanted to say sorry. I crossed the line. After you stopped talking to me, I just. I don’t want that. So I’ll stop, okay? You don’t have to avoid me anymore.”

He turned around to face you.

“I stopped talking to you not because I was mad at you,” he told you, “I stopped talking to you because I was mad at myself.”

You faced him with curious eyes.

“I thought- well- fuck,” it was Jason’s turn to splutter. He took a deep breath and started again. “I thought that it was a real shit move for me to do what I did to you.”

“Wait, what?” you questioned, “What you did to me?”

“Yeah,” he grumbled, “You know. That.”

“Jason, I was the one who practically jumped you,” you scoffed, “I basically forced it on you. Why are you blaming yourself?”

“Force me? Pfftsh, you couldn’t force me to do anything.”

“Jason.”

“I liked it, okay?” he threw his arms up, “I didn’t stop you because I liked it, and I shouldn’t have liked it. I was taking advantage of you. It was wrong of me to do so.”

“God, you’re so fucking stupid,” you laughed, “I’ve been pining over you since Bruce told me you were… You know who.”

You lowered your voice.

“Want to talk inside?” he offered.

“Good idea,” you agreed.

The two of you made your way past the garden and into the manor.

“Is it okay for the birthday girl to disappear from her own party?” he smirked when he closed the door to Bruce’s study, which was the nearest room that offered privacy.

“Oh, please,” you waved your hand and sat on Bruce’s desk, “The whole party was never about me. I’m just another excuse for those cuntflaps to show off their new diamonds.”

He chuckled. “Anyway, you were saying? Something about Bruce telling me I was Red Hood?”

“Yeah,” you bit your lip in nervousness, “I’ve had a crush on you since then.”

“Really?”

Jason knew that you obviously had a crush on him, especially because of the neverending teasing and seductions, but he didn’t know it stemmed from that long ago.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “I remember thinking to myself, like wow. This is the guy who killed them. And you know what? You looked exactly like how I thought you would.”

“What? How so?”

“Huge,” you started, “Scars everywhere. Grouchy as hell.”

“I’m not as grouchy as Bruce,” he defended himself.

“Still,” you chuckled, “You looked exactly like how I imagined my hero to look.”

“Super hot, sexy, and good looking?” he joked.

He had expected you to roll your eyes and throw an insult at him, but you just tightened your lips and looked away.

“Look, k- sweetheart,” he stopped himself from calling you a kid. From what he saw on the stage earlier, you were already so much better than he was. “I’m going to be honest, alright? And you better damn well appreciate it, because I’m never honest.”

You giggled softly. He walked to stand in front of you at the desk.

“I think you’re great,” he stated, “And I think you’re beautiful, and sexy. And…”

He hesitated, thinking of whether or not to continue.

Fuck it. He might as well.

“And I like you,” he forced out, “More than you know. Fuck, I like you. I like you so much it fucking hurts sometimes.”

You looked up at him with hopeful, glistening eyes.

“But I’m no good for you,” he repeated what he said all those months ago, “I can never do what you just did. Start a fucking charity on your birthday and announce it to the world as if it was nothing. Fuck, I don’t think I should even be seen walking around next to you when you look like that. I’m a fucking mess, sweetie. You don’t want that.”

He saw as you digest what he had just said. Then, you looked up at him and asked, “What do you think I want?”

“What do I think?” he repeated.

You nodded.

“I think you should be with someone who’s closer to your age, for one,” he rolled his eyes, “And someone who doesn’t have scars all over their face. Someone who isn’t grouchy. Someone charming who can stand next to you on stage wearing a proper suit and tie.”

“You’re right,” you nodded, “I should be with someone like that.”

Jason felt a pang in his chest at your agreement.

“But I don’t want to be with someone like that,” you continued, “I want to be with someone who was ready to hunt down and hurt the people who terrorized me for years. I want to be with someone whose face is littered with scars as proof that they went through just as much shit as I did and survived.”

You hopped from the desk and stood up straight, stretching your hand up to cup Jason’s face. He leaned into the warmth of your caress, his breath hitching at the close contact. His hands automatically went to rest on your waist, still respectfully high.

“I want you, Jason,” you whispered, pulling him down to your lips, “I want someone who can handle my bites.”

To demonstrate, you sucked in his lower lip, eliciting a low moan from him.

And then you bit down hard.

He gasped at the stinging pain, and then sighed when you massaged his lip with yours. Heat suddenly spread throughout his body, particularly at his member which was growing hard fast. He could smell the wine on your breath that you must have snuck a few sips from, the vanilla lotion you always wore, and a new particularly enticing perfume that you must have gotten for the occasion.

“I want someone who can call me a little bitch straight to my face,” Jason felt you grin against his lips.

The two of you were kissing now, harsh and forceful, as if deprived of touch. Fuck, he loved how you were nipping at his lips and his tongue, tugging his hair lightly.

Both of you gasped for air, and just stood there foreheads against each other, his erection pressed against your stomach, your hands around his neck.

“I want someone who is resourceful enough to enhance his home security to make sure I don’t break in and fuck myself with his weapons again,” you chuckled.

“Was it…” he started, “Was it loaded?”

“You bet it was,” you smiled.

“Fuck,” he swore and then crashed his lips against yours again. He lifted you up to sit on the desk, and then stood in between your open thighs. At the slightly elevated level, he could properly grind his erection against your pussy, still covered by your dress.

“You liked that?” you giggled, “I thought you weren’t into that. I got a bit worried.”

“Hell yeah, I liked that,” he rasped, “What kind of sane man wouldn’t?”

He started to nibble on the skin on your neck, sucking and biting and licking

“I’m pretty sure not everyone is into the thought of fucking a loaded gun into a pussy,” you laughed, “Which proves my point. You and me? We’re perfect, Jay- fuck, don’t leave any marks, dumbass.”

“Point taken, baby.”

“Mmm, call me that again,” you moaned.

He stopped nibbling on your neck, brought his eyes to yours, and with a defiant smirk, he said, “No.”

It was like Jason saw the switch in you flick on, because you suddenly pushed him away aggressively. He stumbled, not expecting it.

“Oh, you think you’re in control, Todd?” you purred, twisting your fists in his leather jacket. You were shorter than him, and your frame much smaller. But Jason just loved the authority that radiated from you.

“You think you’re the one who has power over me?” you drawled, pulling him to the side where Bruce had set up a leather sofa and a coffee table.

“When all this while, I’m the one who had you wrapped around my finger?” you snarled, and then pushed him down on the sofa.

Before Jason could even register what was happening, you were already on top of him, straddling him. He looked up at you, the pressure of your weight on his crotch making him pant with want.

“So are you going to call me baby again?” you asked sweetly, tugging at his jacket to remove it.

“Maybe in due time,” he gasped when you bit the flesh that connected his neck and shoulder hard.

Fuck, he was throbbing in his pants.

You took off his shirt and ran your hand down his body. Jason smirked when he saw you bite your lip as you took in his figure.

He still had a bit of fight left in him, and he wasn’t going to beg.

Yet.

“Why must you be so stubborn, Todd?” you breathed, teeth catching at his earlobe and biting. You were rocking your hips against his erection, and he swore that if you didn’t take it out, he was going to rip a hole in his pants with it.

“H-hey, you’ve always been the pushy one,” he stuttered.

“That’s because I like to get what I want,” you pinched his nipples hard.

“Fuck!” he yelped at the sudden pain, and then glared at you as you just grinned cheekily. “I don’t know why I never took you for a sadist before this.”

“Because you’re an idiot, Jay,” you teased, “All I did was torture you.”

“Yes, you did,” he rested his hands on your hips, motioning for you to grind on him harder, “You made me so fucking hard on purpose, and then I had to go back and jerk off to you, which made it worse because I felt so fucking guilty after.”

“That was your own fault,” you frowned. You were finally, finally unbuckling his belt. “You saw me as a kid when I wasn’t.”

“You were still underaged, you brat,” he laughed, “It didn’t matter if you were wise beyond your years- ah, fuck yeah.”

You had finally unzipped him, releasing him from the constraints of his denim.

“Take everything off for me, Jay,” you demanded, sitting up on your knees to give him room to do so.

He listened to you happily, glad to be rid of his clothes. His cock slapped against his lower abdomen, already leaking so much precum.

“Why am I the only one naked?” he voiced out his displeasure.

“Because it took me twenty minutes to get into this dress, and I’m not undressing for anyone before the night is over,” you announced.

“But, baby,” he pouted, rejoicing at how he made your breath hitch, and rested his chin between your breasts, “I want to see your tits.”

You frowned and bit your lip as you looked down at him, considering his plea. He made a mental reminder that you must like dirty talk.

“Then make sure you don’t go home so early tonight,” you managed to choke out.

Jason thought that you also must have liked to be the submissive one, as well.

You leaned into him and kissed him again, this time less rough. He moaned into your mouth, slipping his tongue in as he grabbed your hips and tried to rub his cock against your pussy, underneath your dress. He gasped when he felt that you were already bare, and leaking.

“What happened to your- your panties?” he rasped.

“Long gone,” you winked.

“Fuck, you fucking nymph,” he chuckled, and then groaned when you started to slide the head of his cock between your wet lips.

“Jason, I’ve wanted your cock so bad,” you muttered into his ear as you rubbed your slick all over his length, “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve fucked myself with- with whatever I could find, pretending it was you.”

“Fuck, baby,” he whined, throwing his head back against the couch. Your dirty mouth was doing so many things to him, he was worried that he was going to come right there and then.

“After that time I sucked you off?” you continued, “All I wanted was to choke on it, Jay. I just want your dick in my throat.”

You lifted your hips and sank down onto him. Both of you groaned lowly in pleasure. Fuck, you were so tight, and warm, and wet, and oh so soft.

“Ah! Jason!” you cried out when he bottomed out, “Fuck, I’m going to feel you for fucking days.”

“Shit, baby,” he choked, “Baby, please. Please, move.”

“You want me to move?” you teased.

“Yes,” he whispered.

“How would you like me to move, Jay?” you smiled.

“Any- I don’t care-”

“Nice, and slow like this?” you lifted your hips up, and Jason could feel the torturously slow drag of your walls against his shaft, even as you sanked back down you were slow.

“Hnng- fuck-” Jason mewled, lost for words. “Please.”

It was all he could say.

“Or hard and fast like this?” you slammed your hips down, and started bouncing on his cock at a brutal pace that knocked his breath out.

“Fuck!” he yelled, “Fuck, baby, fuck!”

You weren’t being any softer as well. Through tear-filled hazy eyes, Jason saw your eyes fluttered close in pleasure, your mouth falling open as you cried out wanton moans, and gasped, and groaned for him.

“Jason! Fuck, Jay, fuck!”

He couldn’t take it anymore.

He gripped your hips hard, and then started to fuck himself up into you, matching your pace, making you fucking scream.

He could feel your walls tighten around his cock, the same time you started whining, “Jason, Jason, I’m gonna- I’m gonna-”

“Me too, sweetheart, me too,” he gasped.

“Come inside me, Jason, please!” you sobbed.

“But-”

“Just- just- please, please, please,” you squeezed your eyes shut and threw your head back.

Jason felt your pussy clench tight onto him, triggering his own orgasm. He released inside you while still fucking you hard, trying to prolong both of your highs.

Soon, he was oversensitive, the feeling of your walls almost painful. You calmed down, still panting above him, and he just couldn’t help but stare at you in amazement.

“Holy shit,” you giggled above him, “Holy shit, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Uh- I,” he panicked, “I came inside of you, fuck!”

“I’m on the pill, don’t worry,” you smiled, “Fuck, I just. I just wanted to walk around after this with my panties soaked in your cum.”

“How the fuck are you eighteen and already so fucking kinky,” he groaned.

You only laughed and slowly lifted yourself off of him. He hissed at the movement, feeling hypersensitive at every touch.

You went to look for your panties, which Jason noticed were a lacy black, and then put them on under your dress.

He was still sprawled out on the sofa naked, sweaty, and well spent.

“I also didn’t want any of your spunk to get on my dress,” you told him.

“S’pretty dress,” he mumbled back to you.

“You should get dressed, Jay,” you walked towards him, hands on your hips.

“Do I need to get back out there?” he complained, “Can’t I just wait in your room?”

“If you get dressed and attend the party, I’ll let you fuck me with one of your guns,” you promised.

“Really?” his eyes widen, and then he jumped back up to put on his clothes.

“I gotta tell you something, though,” you started.

“What is it?” he hummed, tucking his black shirt into his jeans.

“The safety was on,” you said, “On the gun, I mean. It was loaded, but the safety was on.”

“Oh, baby,” he looked at you seriously, “If you told me the safety was off, I would have shot you myself for being so stupid.”

You giggled.

He gave you his arm. “Shall we?”

“Yes, we shall,” you took it. “By the way.”

“What?”

“Are you going to switch back to a more lax security?”

“And have you breaking in again? You wish, kid.”

[heyyyharry]

Happier

(inspired by happier by Olivia Rodrigo)

Word count: 2.4k

I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

Part 1: Drivers License

Part 2: Deja Vu

A/N: I edited the original lyrics to match the POV :)

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Harry had come up with a thousand scenarios of how this day would play out. Actually, he’d been thinking of this day since the moment he’d received the news. He didn’t dare to hope that she’d say yes to coming back for a sequel. He’d been sure that they would write her character off, give a lame excuse for how his love interest could not make a return and make his character forget about her completely to move on with a new girl in town. It would have been great if it was that easy in real life. Once someone was written off the script, they were gone for good. Real-life relationships were not that simple. Goodbye didn’t mean ‘never see you again’. You would still share the same friend circle and social bubbles, and it was worse when you two worked in the same industry. Harry didn’t know how he’d lasted a year without running into her, not since the Grammys.

“Didn’t you two date?”

“No.” Harry shook his head, but his eyes stayed glued on Y/N from across the room. She wasn’t looking his way, too busy saying hello to everyone else. “No,” he repeated, more to himself than to his co-star. “We didn’t.”

“But she wrote an entire album about you,” said the other twin. What was her name again? Lulu?

“Luna!” cried her sister, Lex. “You can’t ask him that!”

“No, it’s okay,” Harry said with a tight smile, slightly annoyed by the blonde twins, but he didn’t want to seem like an ass on the first day of filming. “And I don’t know if it was for me. You should ask Y/N.”

“Ask me what?”

Harry flinched when he looked up and saw Y/N padding towards them. She hugged the twins, who seemed way too excited. Harry guessed they were Y/N’s fans. They gave off crazy fangirl vibes, probably just pretending not to know the drama to interrogate him. He couldn’t blame them for assuming he was the villain and definitely could not blame Y/N for portraying him as one. It was more important that he knew who he was and how much he had changed since his last relationship. Maybe they could finally be friends.

“Were they bothering you?” Y/N asked him once the twins had left.

Harry nodded. “They’re your friends?”

“Oh, I met them last year on tour. I’m surprised you don’t know them. They were on Disney.”

“I don’t watch Disney,” Harry admitted with a smile. “Well, not today’s Disney.”

“Understandable.” Y/N nodded and bit her lip. She seemed guarded with her straight back and hands hidden behind her. She eyed him up and down, quite subtle yet noticeable. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good,” he said, nodding slowly. “You?”

“Yeah, but mostly tired because of tour.”

“You’re done?”

“Yup, last night was the last show.”

“Nice.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Nice?”

Harry blinked. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Y/N giggled. “You still sound very...you.”

“Well, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah, you should. But it’s been a year so…I mean, you haven’t changed much.”

“Right,” he said lowly, his eyes falling to his feet. Harry supposed he should say something else, perhaps bringing up another random topic to discuss, but all he could think about was what had happened between them. Things had been messy, hadn’t they? How could they go back to before that? Before her first song about him. Before he’d chosen someone else over her.

Or he could talk about her new relationship. She’d been in a happy relationship for almost six months, right? No wait, hadn’t they broke up two weeks ago? He wasn’t sure because he hadn’t been catching up. If they’d broken up, he’d sound like an ass to even mention her ex’s name. He should just stay quiet.

“I’ll see you later?” she said, gesturing at her stylist who was waiting by the door.

Harry could ask her right now -- the reason she’d agreed to film the sequel to their first movie together. He’d heard from a very reliable source that she’d specifically asked her agent to decline any project that he was in. So did this mean they were good? That she didn’t hate him anymore? He could have gathered his courage and got the answer right then…

“Yeah, see you.”

...but he didn’t.

And so she gave him a smile and a little wave, then happily returned to her stylist.

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.

.

“See you tomorrow, Y/N!”

“See you, Annie!” Y/N said as she put the rest of her things into her tote bag. Her new driver had got her schedule mixed up, and so she had to wait here for another half an hour. She was in no rush. It had been a light first day, and she’d had a fun time getting to know the new cast members and catching up with old friends.

She sat on the sofa in the lobby, legs crossed, texting her best friend about her day. She’d purposely left out the short off-screen conversation with Harry, and her best friend didn’t even bother to ask. In their world, he didn’t exist, and his name was censored in every conversation like a curse word that was even worse than ‘cunt’. Nevertheless, she didn’t hate him anymore. She was doing just fine on her own, being busy with her career, and she’d been in a happy relationship after her fall out with him.

She and the guy, a model, had broken up two weeks ago due to long distance and some differences that they could not change. They had ended on good terms and decided to stay friends. They said you could only stay friends with your ex when you still had feelings for each other, or you had never loved each other that much in the first place. For her, it was probably the latter. Her previous relationship had been more platonic than romantic, apparently. So she had nothing but the best to say about him.

As she was going through her camera roll, just reminiscing about the past, she heard footsteps approaching and looked up to find Harry. He offered a smile and gestured to the spot beside her on the sofa. “May I sit here? My ride is late.”

“Yeah, sure.” She hurriedly scooted over.

“Good job today,” he said. “You were great.”

“Thanks, so were you.” She smiled, and they both looked away at the same time. This was so awkward. She hated small talk. She’d never had to have small talk with Harry. Conversations with him used to be so easy and natural and silly. Whatever this was, it wasn’t them.

“Can we just be normal?”

At first, Y/N thought she’d been the one who’d said it, so when she realised it’d been Harry, she was speechless.

He swallowed and sat a bit straighter, still not looking at her. “I don’t want us to be weird and awkward.”

“Okay,” she said.

He cleared his throat. “Wanna try again?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, not to sound like an ass but when Joey kept forgetting his lines, I was so pissed off, I could throw a chair at the wall.”

“Right?!” exclaimed Y/N, feeling free to have finally broken out of her shell. “Like, he doesn’t even have many lines. I know he’s new but damn...you can’t get far if you don’t learn your goddamn lines.”

Harry shook with laughter. “Oh God, we sound like dicks, don’t we?”

“Maybe.” Y/N laughed, covering her mouth. “But you know what? We can’t be nice in this industry. It’s impossible.”

“Shhh, if someone heard this, we would be into big trouble.”

“Oh please, I’ve had worse articles written about me than ‘Y/N speaks facts about her lazy co-star’.”

Harry tossed his head back and cackled. “The worst one I’ve got this week was ‘Harry Styles hates therapists.’”

“What?!” Y/N gasped. “No way! That’s so stupid!”

“Right?” Harry rolled his eyes. “I could get all my therapists to speak up for me but I’m kinda immune to bullshit now.”

“Therapists? Like plural?”

“Yeah, one in every city.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

Y/N rubbed her hands onto her legs. “Rough year?”

Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he leaned back. “You have no idea.” Then he swept his hair out of his eyes, sucked in a breath, and finally looked at her. “I wish I could have talked to you, though.”

She bit her tongue, knowing what she was about to say next would disappoint her best friend so much, but she had to. “So do I.”

Harry looked taken aback before his lips curled into a smile. “It’s silly, isn’t it? I haven’t talked to you in a year, and I feel like I know everything that’s happened to you except that I don’t.”

What he’d just said might make no sense for most people, but Y/N knew exactly what he meant. She nodded and wetted her lip. “You only know as much as everyone else does.”

“Yeah, I got updates on you from the news and our friends.”

“Same.” Y/N smiled back. “I hate how they write articles about your new haircut but not mine.”

“I like your new hair colour.”

“Thanks. I like your new car.”

Then they both burst out laughing. It was fun and also a little bit strange that Y/N didn’t feel the same anxiety talking to him as she used to. It must be because they had grown and were now meeting again as better people.

“Damn, my ride's here,” Y/N said as she read the text from her driver. “I gotta go now.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry stood up and followed Y/N to the entrance. “Hey, just wondering--”

“Yeah?”

“Am I...am I still blocked?” He looked a bit flustered as she tilted her head and squinted her eyes. “On your phone. Because I remember you having my number blocked--”

“I unblocked you on your birthday.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Y/N shrugged. “I should’ve sent you a happy birthday text but...I didn’t want your girlfriend to get the wrong ideas.”

“My ex.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They smiled at each other one last time before saying goodbye. Y/N knew it was silly, but she was hoping he would go after her.

Ding.

A notification popped up when she was in the car. She was almost home, and it was from Harry’s number. He’d sent her a link with a message that said, “Hope you like it :)”.

Curious, she tapped on it and was directed to an audio file titled ‘Track 5’. The upload date was last year. About two weeks after their short conversation at the Grammys.

Hurriedly, she fumbled inside her bag for her iPods and put it on before she pressed play.

“Hey, Jeff, I couldn’t sleep so I wrote this song. Listen and let me know if it should go on the album.”

Then came the piano intro. It sounded good, so Y/N wondered how it hadn’t ended up on his last album.

But when he started to sing...

We ended a while ago Your friends are mine, you know, I know You've moved on, found someone new One more guy who brings out the better in you

And I thought my heart was detached From all the sunlight of our past But he’s so nice, he’s so funny Does he mean you forgot about me?

Oh, I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

And does he tell you you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen? An eternal love bullshit he might not even mean Remember when you were with me I meant it when you heard it first from me

And now I'm pickin' him apart Like cuttin' him down will make you miss my wretched heart But he’s charming, he looks kind He probably gives you butterflies

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better

I hope you're happy I wish you all the best, really Say you love him, baby Just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on him I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

The song was for her. He’d written it when her new relationship had gone public. Y/N sat there, staring blankly ahead until the honking of a car tore open her inner peace, and reality came crashing back in. The driver dropped her off at her house. Instead of going inside, she stood on her front steps and replayed the song one more time. When it ended, she decided to text him: Why didn’t this make it to the album?

She didn’t know where he was now, but it showed ‘typing’ in less than a second, as if he’d been waiting in their chat since he’d sent that link.

You would’ve hated me, Y/N.

True, she replied. Still, I would’ve loved the song lowkey. And added, I love it btw.

He took so long to type that it was driving her crazy. She flopped down on the concrete stair with her phone clutched in her hands, her heart thundering against her ribcage. Anxiety popped like a balloon when his message appeared: Were you happier?

She reread it again and again.

No.

I wasn’t either, he responded. I kept getting deja vu.

Ha, nice reference.

That song is my guilty pleasure. Love listening to you roasting me on loop.

That last message made Y/N bury her face into her palm and giggle like a fool. She thought for a second and wrote: I could come roast you in person now if that’s what you prefer. I think we’ve never had a proper roasting.

Can we meet, Y/N? Or are you busy now?

No, not busy.

Great, I’ll pick you up.

Just tell me where, she responded with a smile on her face. I got my drivers license now :)

[the-witches-you-couldnt-burn]

Like I did with you

So I’ve been procrastinating hard during my study break for my exams, but here have a song fic!

Ghost of you by 5SOS

Genius comments: The song tells the tale of a heartbroken lover who has lost his significant other – due to a breakup or even suicide/death – and is refusing to accept the fact that she is never coming back.

I didn’t feel like writing angst and whenever I hear this song I feel like ballroom dancing (and I have).

Also thank you to the lovely people on the Maribat discord server!

Ao3

The sequel ‘It started with a whisper’ is up!

————————

Gotham Academy implemented a new ‘Study Abroad’ program due to recent funding from a local humanitarian. This program gave the students of Gotham Academy a chance to study abroad in Europe and vice versa. Countries like Sweden, Greece, Germany, Ireland and more participated in the program; offering a multitude of high schools with many different courses.

And because of that very wealthy benefactor, his son got first pick on where he would like to study. This was 100% not a forced decision at all to subtly keep track of the happenings of Paris. With that the Ice Prince of Gotham took the City of Love by storm.

He had been at Collège Françoise Dupont for the past few months, and it’s been hell. The class he had been placed into was ripping apart at the seams. There were two students that the class gravitated towards; he observed some of the others meeting in secret, without the knowledge of their respective ‘leaders’.

The first student that held the majority of the class’ focus was Lila Rossi. She was a black hole with beady green eyes, who dragged who ever was in her reach to an agonising fate. Damian saw through her deceptions and rejected her flirtations. The students that followed her, ate up whatever lie she spat out. Rossi soon learned that lies about the Wayne family and Gotham wouldn’t fly with him.

“Really? You worked with Monsieur Wayne?” The pink clad girl, Rose, squeaked.

Damian had just walked into class on his second day at the hell hole and already regretted it. He shot a glare towards the large group, “Who ever told you that is severely misinformed. My father has never worked with a minor from Europe, due to potential rumours and allegations it could cause. It is not a threat but a promise if a lie of similar caliber is spread there will be a lawsuit.” And with that he walked towards his seat in the back, the Ice Prince had cast his decree, the class’ atmosphere had frozen over.

The second student was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Those that surrounded her were Alix Kubdel, Chloé Bourgeois, Max Kanté, Lê Chiến Kim and the occasional secret appearance from Juleka Couffaine. They didn’t view Dupain-Cheng through rose coloured lenses, they were always grounded and opinions were respected. Damian, who was a loner without Jon at his side, was satisfied by himself; Marinette respected that and didn’t force him to socialise like Lila tried to.

So that leads us to this. He stood against a sidewall of the giant banquet hall, staring out at the crowd before him. Jon was walking to wards him with a can of sprite in hand. Jon had moved to Paris with him but had been placed into a different class. The boy who was the epitome of sunshine stuck around the Ice Prince, their friendship is an enigma to the Françoise Dupont students.

Jon’s face was flushed. He had just gotten a drink after dancing for the past hour. Tonight was the night of the Collège’s formal dance for their graduating class. Skirts of all colours and fabrics swirled, as their partners (majority of whom had matching suits) twirled them to the music.

Jon, gesturing to the crowd, asked him whether he was going to stand there all night or dance. Taking a sip of his drink a smirk appears on his face, “unless the great Damian Wayne is to much of a coward to dance.”

Here I am waking up

Still can't sleep on your side

Damian’s head snapped towards the taller boy, “Are you seriously using my ego to get me to dance?”

Jon raising an eyebrow, “Well?”

If I can dream long enough

The temperamental teen stormed off, grumbling about “Jon being as bad as Todd”. Scanning the room he search for a suitable partner, there was no way he would embarrass himself by dancing alone.

You'd tell me I'd be just fine

I'll be just fine

He spotted Dupain-Cheng stood off to the side, alone. She was draped in a layered white dress with black hemming. As he neared, he realised that the asymmetrical skirt was actually a light blush with her signature apple blossom flowers embroidered. She looked up at him and he straightened his stance, slowing his pace. Her sapphire eyes locked on to his, her bangs curled off to the side along with the rest of her hair in beach waves.

So I drown it out like I always do

She gifted him a small smile, a usual occurrence within her interactions with him. He offered his left hand, bowing his head slightly. “Dupain-Che—“ he cleared his throat, “Marinette. Would you do me the honour of joining me in this dance?”

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

Her eyes widened, not expecting the Arabian God of a teen before her to ask her such a question. She saw his temper during class during his spats with Lila and how he kept to himself without the presence of Jon. But here he was in a fitted Armani suit that made his green eyes glow, and hair messily slicked to the side. Marinette looked at his hand, glad that her makeup mostly hid her blush.

And I chase it down

“I am...” She paused to find the right word, “I am a bad dancer. It is better for everyone that I don’t participate.”

“I can think of nothing less appealing than an evening of watching other people dance.” A small gasp escaped from her mouth before she could stop it. She watched as his mouth twitch’s downwards before his facade returned with full strength. “If you do not wish, to I won’t force you. But if you’ll allow me I’ll guide you through the dance to make sure it isn’t an utter disaster.”

With a shot of truth

Marinette’s lips quirked, giggling as she took his hand, “Your funeral Damian.”

What had he gotten himself into?

The two entered the dance floor, taking up the dance support hold. Their dance had the basic steps of the waltz, with a promenade and many spins; some as a couple and some were just Mari. Damian soon found he enjoy watching the sparkles in her dress light up as she spun. It became even more enjoyable when he discovered that the dress was her own creation.

Dancing through our house

The two made quiet conversations during their dance. Damian pulled her closer by the waist as they repeated the basic steps, their bodies perfectly in tune with each other. “You are a fine dancer despite your protests”

With the ghost of you

Marinette tilted her head up at him, blinding him with a dazzling smile. Damian’s heart fluttered, the two always had a mutual respect but it seems to have grown into a fond appreciation.

From the tables scattered around the dance floor there was a blond, with his fist clenched. Lila had dragged him off of the floor as soon as Damian and Marinette made their debuts; together. The brunette was now off angrily gossiping to Alya and any other who’d listen. It was a hot topic between Lila and Alya that Marinette loved him, although now, as he watched her dance with Damian, he was unsure as to whether that was ever true. He sat there, glued to his seat, watching the spectacle before him.

Cleaning up today

Found that old Zepplin shirt

The two dancers didn’t notice that everyone had cleared off the floor to watch them. They danced in sync, no movement was made without the other following it. Adrien had realised awhile ago that even though he didn’t have romantic feelings for Marinette, he cherished her friendship. That relationship was now tarnished due to the path he took when he first revealed his knowledge of the deceptions. His father had forced him to keep Lila happy, even if it made him miserable.

You wore when you ran away

And no one could feel your hurt

He had lost her, and he was unsure as to whether he could gain any semblance of their relationship back.

We're too young, too dumb

To know things like love

Damian lifted his partner’s right hand and twirled her three times, they both were content within their own world. The two swayed before turning together and walking around the now open space.

But I know better now (Better now)

Marinette flushed as she realised what was happening around her, leaning towards her partner she whispered, “I think we’ve become an impromptu entertainment.”

Too young, too dumb

To know things like love

Too young, too dumb

Damian subtly gazed behind her seeing their peers in a circle surrounding them. He was on the inside looking out, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He whispered reassurances in her ear, he wished to finish the song before he released her from his embrace. The two drowned out their audience, focusing on each other and the beat of the song.

So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

And I chase it down

With a shot of truth

That my feet don't dance

Like they did with you

The melody slowly faded off as the last lines were sung. The two finished on a basic waltz step before swaying in each other’s arms. The music ends and there is silence, blood rushed to their ears and their breaths mingled.

The two stayed in the other’s embrace, face-to-face, staring. They broke out of their trance by clapping. Looking around Marinette saw many of her peers and most of the supervising teachers applauding their performance.

Their friends broke through the crowd, Jon patted Damian’s shoulder (retracting before he got bit) while Chloe and Alix pulled Marinette back to their table to discuss what Disney magic had befallen the couple. The bluenette glanced back at her partner, mouthing a silent goodbye.

The crowd dispersed but were still buzzing from their display. Marinette was bombarded with questions, not only from her friends, but from other students about her dancing with the demon. Her stuttered replies did little to quench the crowd’s thirst. Her face must be comparable to that of a tomato.

Damian, having noticed the building crowd and Marinette’s uncomfortable stance, broke away from Jon. The crowd parted like the red sea, unwilling to be the one to anger the Ice Prince.

He offered her his arm (to which she took) and escorted her out to the patio outside. She stayed entwined with him, as she looked out at the stray Parisian night; leaning her head onto his should. Here the two could breathe. Here the two of them could be their present selves, no ghostly facades needed. It seems they could drown out anything in the presence of each other.

Unbeknownst to them, Jon had recorded their dance, along with their previous and present interactions of that night. He thought for a second to use it as blackmail material but decided to just send it off anyways. Oh the chaos it caused.