#I’ve literally dreamt of this moment for us

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

hello my baker gf ♡♡♡

little request for ya: our sweet, lovesick!eddie munson being shy!reader’s first kiss/boyfriend?

A/N: hey baby! hope this manages to lift your spirits, even just a tiny bit for merely a millisecond ♡

word count: 609

∼ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here ∽

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“Wait,” your nerves suddenly got the best of you as Eddie began to lean in, “I’m scared.”

Inching his head back just a bit, he enquired softly, “why are you scared?”

“I don’t know how to do this!” your heart was practically beating out of your chest.

“Sweetheart,” he breathed out a smile, his palm reassuringly coming up to meet the side of your flush face, “it’s not like it’s rocket science.”

“That’s easy enough for you to say,” you cursed the blush raging on your cheeks, “what if I do something wrong?”

“You won’t,” he said with tender confidence, his breath fanning across your skin and causing goosebumps to erupt.  

“You don’t know that,” you mumbled shyly, then glanced down, avoiding his mesmerizing gaze. 

“Y/n,” he suddenly leaned in and planted a swift peck on your hot cheek before repeating, “you won’t.” Blinking up at him with wide eyes, stunned by the fact that he had so casually kissed your cheek, he eventually tested, “you ready?”

Looking back at him with edgy stars in your eyes, all you could was hum in confirmation, “mhm.”

You didn’t know you could ever feel something so soft. Kissing you as if you were made of porcelain, it nearly tingled from how your lips buzzed against his gentle ones. The kiss was quick, perhaps too quick as you felt it fade away as soon as it had begun. 

“Wow…” you exhaled, eyes hastily blinking back at him from the overwhelming flutter within you, “that was weird.”

“Bad weird?” his face light-heartedly twisted into a grimace. 

“No, just-,” every word you thought to use to clarify washed away as you felt his thumb swipe over your cheek, caressing the heated skin softly, “wow…”

Biting down on his blooming grin your speechlessness triggered, he asked, “do you wanna do it again?”

“Yes,” you answered maybe a little bit too fast, “I mean, yeah,” you fumbled in an attempt to sound more cool, “if you want to, sure.”

Your eyes fluttered shut as his lips pressed against yours once more. Still just as gentle as before, though this time he didn’t just stop after only a second of kissing you, he stayed there, relishing in the sensation not yet familiar to you. His palms softly cradled your face, fingers caressing the sides of your blissful expression. 

“I thought it would be more, I don’t know, slimy,” you hazily thought out loud once his lips had left yours. 

“Oh, it can be,” he smirked, enthusiasm glinting in his warm eyes, “I just thought it would be better for you to learn how to walk before you run.”

“Oh,” your legs shifted as a tingle shot down your spine, “okay.”

“But if you want to go run a fucking marathon, then just put on your running shoes. I’ve literally dreamt of nothing else since the day I met you.”

“Wait,” growing unsure a moment by his enthusiastic words, you checked, “you’re not actually talking about running, are you?” 

“No, honey,” he chuckled, “that was just a metaphor, but if you want me to, then I’d be happy to spell it out in big, fat block letters for you,” clearing his throat dramatically, he daringly announced, “Y/n, I would really fucking love to bone you down one day,” gesticulating with his hands to prove his point, “I’m talking real nasty, just have you drip down all over me while I-”

“O-okay! Alright!” previously convinced that you couldn’t turn into even more of a tomato, you rushed to cut him off, “I-I get the picture, you don’t have to clarify anymore, I already kinda understood it with the whole running thing!”

© 2023 thyme-in-a-bubble

[fruitswrl]

I think I almost shifted

shifting diary entry #9

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒 𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

I woke up around 9 this morning and was kinda irritated that the night prior my cat was being annoying when I went to lay down and meditate but I just shrugged it off, it’s Christmas anyways.

I then saw a post on Reddit regarding a way to have your body asleep and mind awake. I thought it was kind of interesting and made a mental note to try it out and laid down and contemplated just shifting right then and there. Most times when I “try” to shift it’s not in the morning due to everyone being up and what not. But I was, still am, kind of just over my shifting journey at this point.

Instead of referencing the info I saw on Reddit I just began to think of my plans my first day in my DR. Eventually my dad turned the heat on because it was so cold and I just decided to let myself rest more bc I didn’t sleep well.

I continued to think of my first day as I drifted off to sleep and how annoyed I was with my journey.

Eventually I slipped into a dream, a very strange one at that, an experience I’ve never had before really.

It began with me trying cake for my wedding (?) and for a bit it was somewhat normal. I’m not sure when exactly my dream changed but I remember being in the car with my sister and dad, he was driving us home. At this point I was constantly teetering on being awake and in a dream, and it’s clear to me now that in this dream I thought I was awake and living out today.

My dad mentioned how he picked up Chinese food for my mom, and I thought that was weird because he was supposed to make wings tonight. I remember joking with my sister that it sucks he did that because we were planning to get Chinese food later.

This dream was so vivid… I remember looking out of the car on the way home and it was so beautiful, the way the light was going through the trees the architecture. I thought to myself “I don’t remember this place ever looking like this.. so odd” there were so many indicators in this dream that I feel like I should’ve gotten lucid but I never did…?

Anyways we got home and the only parts I remember is I was standing on the couch for some reason (it was also in a different spot) and there was a wolf there??? I called out for my dad and when he came into the living room the wolf was gone. He looked at me strangely and said something like “did you not drink enough coffee today” and I remember thinking that that was such a strange thing for him to say in general but also in that moment as I stood on the couch claiming there was a literal wolf in our living room. But still I didn’t become lucid.

Instead I laid on the couch I said to myself “I’m just gonna shift instead” and right when I closed my eyes and said I’m in my DR, my body began buzzing all over, I began to feel as though I was floating and my surroundings around me began to warp. I got excited but stayed focused, I continued saying “I am in my DR” and I imagined where I was gonna wake up, what I would be wearing… and the sensations became more extreme. I continued to persist. But unfortunately something woke me up here.

It was such an odd experience, I’ve lucid dreamt many times and tried shifting via a dream many times before too. But never anything like this where I thought I was awake and just subconsciously did an attempt?????? This feels like a good thing but… where does this leave me? What does this mean, and why didn’t I shift :(

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒 𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

[lovingaquarius]

💐 ANOTHER ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS BY MOI 💐 #3 i believe?

‼️ DISCLAIMER this is completely based on my personal experiences and observations do not take what i say literally i am NOT a professional astrologer‼️

🌸 there’s something with aquarius suns and when upset just going silent. i can attest to this but i’ve seen this alot like if i’m upset at you and can’t leave the immediate vicinity i go MUTE like i can not conjure up the energy or tolerance to say anything. i’m absolutely the type when i’m upset to be on the FARTHEST side of the seat closest to the door cause i just wanna GET AWAY

🌺 maybe it’s bc cancer is ruled by the moon which is a feminine but all the cancer sun males i’ve known have been more feminine or in touch with their feminine and kind of “emotional” (not to cater towards the stereotype that all women are emotional! but we are inherently more emotionally intelligent) they seem to take it rlly personal if you don’t like them back as well. the type who could not be friends with an ex yk

🌼i feel like virgo and capricorn are the placements that like colder, dimly lit environments with a whole bunch of candles lit and blankets -also i feel like cap placements are the ones to be more winter people than summer or spring? lmk if this is resonates with you!!

🌹 maybe some can relate but me and my mercury ruled friend group all will make the most random noises out loud at the most random times. it’s therapeutic honestly 😩 we usually have a random word we’ll make up and keep adding on to it over time until it becomes our own little language LMAO

🌷 idk if this is a gem moon thing because we’re known to be sharers of random knowledge but istg all my friends and some of my family come to me for answers about virtually anything but esp about spirituality. they will literally expect me to have all the answers in the world. i’ve said i don’t know a couple times and ppl have been like “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!!” LMAOO

🪻 can anyone with 6h neptune or maybe more specifically w piscean energy there (i have aqua sun, neptune in the 12 degree of pisces and than pisces uranus there as well ) have very vivid dreams to the point that you can’t figure out if some things that happened in your life were dreams or not+ frequently have dreams within dreams. i get deja vu at LEAST once a day or i think the correct term would be deja reve which means you feel as if you’ve dreamt that moment before. i’ve had dreams that became real but it’s never important things. for example: before i got my youngest cat i had a dream we got him a year earlier. and then just last week i had a dream that my washing machine started leaking and i ran in there and fell LMAO and then two days later my washing machine started leaking (and this has never happened before) thankfully this time i was careful and did not fall 😌

🌻 let me know if im alone in this but i think it’s kind of funny. i have 11h cancer saturn (rx) and i have all my life struggled with connecting with kids and have never really felt maternal but for my friends i suddenly morph into a whole mother, making sure they’re eating well and sleeping like HUH??

🪷 aries mars/aries 1h

-holding alot of tension in head ex: jaw, eyebrows, neck

^ also getting headaches after crying or getting angry+ have frequent headaches or some kind of headache disorder

a chiropractor could probably be useful for this placement. just ALWAYS be discerning when finding one, getting a good one you trust is essential.

+ face getting flushed easily

(my mom has aries in the 1h and i have aries mars and we both 1. cry when we’re mad, 2. face gets soo flushed from wine, and gets red fast when angry) like sometimes something will make me mad or annoyed and my face will flush and get so hot and red) -its also the same for when i get a LITTLE embarrassed which is NOT often it’s so annoying 🙄

💐 this is specific but as someone w a 7h pieces venus i attract a lot of men with venus in pisces for some reason and i finally get a taste of my own medicine bc they will project all their fantasies onto me and be like “i’m in love with you”…sir we have not had one conversation where you asked anything about me…

🌸 if you have ur moon in the 5h you may be a natural with kids or rlly want to be a mother/parent my mom has this and she is so unbelievably good with kids. all of her family would always drop their kids off at our house so she would take care of them and the PATIENCE SHE HAS WITH THEM?!? unreal. they will be having a whole tantrum and she’ll be holding them just joking around which either made them angrier or calm down but they always would come to respect her and listen. even if they are known to be bratty. they would send their naughty kids to our house and call it “angie boot camp” lmaoo

thank you for reading lmk in the comments if any of these resonate for you! until next time <3

[slusheeduck]

Fictober 2023 Day 10 - Prompt: "Honestly, why would I care?" Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

“Well, there’s not much by way of food. Or supplies. Or weaponry. Or alcohol,” Wyll said as he and Astarion rummaged through the wrecked house’s library. “But we do have a lot of books. Gale will be thrilled.”

“Yes, and a fat lot of good it does the rest of us,” Astarion grumbled. “Maybe one of these is a secret lever, and we’ll get a door that leads to a fantastic wine cellar. Oh, or a torture chamber!”

“Maybe sound a bit less excited about that.” Wyll sighed. “Then again, given what we’ve seen so far, a torture chamber’s the more likely option.”

He did start tugging at book corners, waiting to feel one catch. There really were an obscene amount of books here. Beside him, Astarion delicately ran his fingertips over the spines, no doubt searching for a trap.

“The Importance of Impotence: Finding Pride In Childlessness, Query in the Quarry, An Owlbear’s Guide To Life…whoever lived here certainly had some strange tastes. Are you reading these titles?” Wyll asked.

Astarion clicked his tongue irritably as he stooped down. “Honestly, why would I care? Don’t make small talk, Wyll, it doesn’t suit you.”

Wyll shook his head. Well, he tried being nice—suppose being a monster hunter didn’t make one very popular with the monsters themselves. He resumed looking over the books, then paused. It couldn’t be. Could it? Here? Carefully, he pulled one book out.

“Oh my gods,” he murmured. “They have the new Drizzt Do’Urden biography.”

“Drizzt Do’Urden?” Astarion’s voice had gone up at least half an octave, and in an instant, the vampire was hovering over Wyll’s shoulder, cold hand gripping his arm. “Oh my gods, it is!”

Wyll looked at him, surprised. “You…know about Drizzt Do’Urden?”

“Know about him? I’m obsessed with him,” Astarion said, eyes bright. “Reading about him is what’s kept me sane for the better part of two centuries. He is literally everything one could want from a hero.” He looked up at Wyll. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised you like him.”

Wyll laughed. “I had my father read The Companions Codex every night I could for a year straight,” he said. “He’s why I started on this path. I dreamt of having adventures like his.”

“Everything all right?” Karlach poked her head into the library, and Wyll nodded as Astarion ducked around him to look at the book’s dust jacket.

“Yes, we’re fine. Just found the new Drizzt Do’Urden biography while pok—”

“Drizzt Do’Urden?” Karlach’s hands immediately went to squish her cheeks in excitement. “Oh, my mum used to tell me stories about him all the time!” She hurried over to look at the book. “Isn’t he the best? Sometimes, when things got really bad down in Avernus, I’d try and imagine I was one of his companions—y’know, fighting the good fight against all odds.”

“Wyll,” Astarion said, suddenly very serious. “I know you’re a good person. It’s frustrating, but typically manageable. But in this case, we need to take this book.”

“We really do, Wyll,” Karlach agreed.

Wyll looked it over, then glanced around. “Well…I mean, whoever owns this place probably isn’t coming back…” Karlach and Astarion nodded intently. “…and I bet it’ll be great for camp morale.”

“Then it’s settled. Back with us it goes.” Astarion paused, finger going to his lips as he looked between Wyll and Karlach. “One…problem. There’s only one copy, and three of us.”

All three looked between each other.

“Well…I’m probably out,” Karlach said after a moment, giving a sheepish smile as she holds up her hands. “I know I’ve cooled down a bit, but paper and fire? Not a great combination.”

Wyll looked down at the book for a moment, face tight. With a long sigh, he held it out to Astarion. “Here. You can read it first.”

Astarion took the book, an eager glint in his eye, but he glanced up at Wyll and Karlach. After a moment, he heaved out a sigh. “Well, now I look like an arsehole if I do take it.”

Wyll crossed his arms. “I don’t suppose there’s some way all three of us could read it at once? Like maybe…” He suddenly grinned. “I’ve got it.”

~

“But Regis looked to Drizzt and nodded, and Catti-brie did, too, and so the drow pulled out his onyx figurine and brought in the sixth member of the Companions of the Hall. All gathered, then, Regis and Wulfgar announced their plans, and Bruenor’s cry of dismay split the night and turned many nearby eyes their way…”

Wyll’s voice was steady and smooth as he read the book aloud. He, Astarion, and Karlach all sat together, backs to the fire, and hadn’t moved since they’d cracked it open, save for when Wyll passed the book to Astarion for his turns to read. Karlach, the three had decided, was just a little too much at risk for singing the pages.

Off to the other side of the fire, Lae’zel frowned as she crossed her arms, looking to Falerin—he was listening in, but not nearly so raptly.

“Who is this…Drizzt?” she asked. “Is it a holy text in this plane?”

Falerin stifled a laugh. “You would think it with them, wouldn’t you?” he whispered. “He’s an adventurer. Hero, really, in every sense of the word. There must be hundreds of books about him. I read a few when I was younger.”

“T’chk. They are contenting themselves with children’s stories, then,” Lae’zel scoffed. “If they wish to know true feats of bravery, then they should hear of how the immortal queen Vlaakith once st—”

“Shhh!!” Wyll, Astarion, and Karlach all snapped their heads around, fingers to their lips. Lae’zel, clearly caught off-guard, went quiet, and the three turned around to resume their reading.

“Wait until they finish. They’ll probably be through the whole thing by morning,” Falerin whispered.

Lae’zel looked over at him, then let out a little huff. “Very well. I will listen to these Drizzt stories. Perhaps there is something useful to glean, outside of magic cats and lavender eyes.”

Fictober 2023 Drabble Master Post

[ave09]

nightmare

han solo x reader

note; i have so many lil han fics in my notes app bc i love him so much, along with two current requests, if y’all would like to read ‘em, let me know! my next post SHOULD be a james marshall fic, and if the person who requested that is reading this, I’M SO SORRY ITS TAKEN SO LONG! i know literally nothing about politics bc i hate them so i’ve ben trying to research and failing 😭 anyways, hope y’all enjoy this lil fic 🫶🏻

“where are you taking him!” you thrashed against the grip of the stormtroopers holding you back. 

you glanced back at han, who was being pulled away, “stop! they’ll take you too!” he exclaimed, fearing that you’d receive the same fate as him. but you couldn’t just let him be taken. 

“han!”

“quiet.” vader’s voice was intimidating as he stalked toward you, his tall frame causing him to tower over you. you cowered slightly, refusing to meet the villain’s gaze. you feared the man, knowing exactly what he was capable of. 

“would you like us to transport her to the cell?” a stormtrooper asked. that’s where they’d taken chewie and leia. 

vader remained silent, the only sound being the metallic hissing of his mask.

“keep her outside. she can listen.” 

you furrowed your brows. listen? what did he mean by listen? you watched as han was dragged into a room quickly, vader following close behind. 

the stormtroopers tightened their grip on you. they weren’t letting you go anywhere. you stood in silence, waiting for something, anything to happen.

then you heard the screams.

his screams.

your heart clenched at such a horrid sound. they grew louder, the cries echoing throughout your mind. 

“what are you doing to him?!” you exclaimed, shoving the stormtroopers beside you, but they would not let go.

“stop or you will be just like him.” one said.

“i don’t give a damn what you do to me but stop! just leave him be! leave him alone-“

you jolted awake, sweat caked your body as your chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. you glanced around at your surroundings, relieved to find yourself in your room. 

you weren’t in that place. you were safe.

“sweetheart?” you turned, catching a glimpse of han. “sorry.. i didn’t mean to wake you.” you muttered, lying back down. “you alright?” he asked. 

“fine.” 

“bullshit.” 

you chuckled dryly, rolling over to face him. his large hand brushed a stray strand of hair away from your eyes, “nightmare?” slowly, you nodded. 

han hesitated for a moment before asking, “wanna talk about it?” you never usually did, but he always asked regardless. 

“it was that night again.” you whispered. the man nodded slowly in understanding. “the freezing?”

“before that.” 

now he knew precisely what you had dreamt about. he then wrapped his strong arms around you, pulling your body closer to his. “you never have to worry about that again, princess. the empire’s gone. nothing can hurt us now.” he assured, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. 

you smiled softly, “i love you.” 

“i know.” he said softly, resting his head upon yours as you nuzzled yourself against his chest, “get some rest.” 

it wasn’t long before you slipped into a deep slumber, dreaming only sweet dreams of the scoundrel who had captured your heart. 

[ruminate88]

Traumatic events in my life: How they’ve impacted me and what they’ve taught me.

The first major traumatic thing that I feel I’ve ever experienced was when my private photos were posted on Twitter by a guy friend of mine named Jake. I didn’t want to date Jake I wasn’t attracted to him!! He knew it and that hurt his ego!!! I didn’t realize that Jake was emotionally unavailable. He seemed so nice when I first met him. We seemingly had everything in common. 🥴🥴 I had no idea that there was such thing as “mirroring” me and to retaliate against me not wanting to talk to him or be his girlfriend, he posted all of my private pictures that I had originally sent him all over Twitter and he told me he posted them on his Facebook too, but I wouldn’t look because I was terrified!!

in that moment, I quickly regretted ever sending Jake my photos or trusting him, and I lost a lot of my Twitter followers. I pretty much was completely isolated from my followers and friends during that time and continued to be isolated from them until that account eventually didn’t exist no more… I was able to forgive Jake and he actually said that he was sorry he did that to me. I don’t know if his sorry was genuine or not but I went ahead and forgave him anyway because it was done and over with and there was nothing we could do to change it! 😕 I tried to be his “friend” moving forward, but in the back of my head, I always wondered why I couldn’t stop talking to him and I knew deep down, I probably shouldn’t trust him, but he was so mysterious all the time and he always found a way to lure me in back to being his friend.

The next traumatic thing in my life is when my ex Cody ghosted me … right after we “talked about moving in together”!! I knew he was capable of doing something like that to me. It made sense because I knew he isolated himself a lot. I knew he had a ton of issues because he told me all about his issues. He told me he was a narcissist, and some reason I googled what a narcissist was but I didn’t fully understand it. I tried really hard to understand him. I gave it my best shot. I thought I loved him so so much and I was willing to do anything for him. I just thought he was the most special person in my whole entire universe. Literally, believe Cody was everything to me that he made me feel so safe when I first met him and how much I trusted him.. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

of course, I learned the hard lesson that people can just cut you out of their lives like that even when they pretend to love you so hard, they can really pretend with you. I have really no words to explain how I felt being ghosted by him and I never dreamt that it would impact me for so many years , tried to walk away from Cody. I felt in that moment he did not want me in his life whatsoever and so you can’t force someone to be with you if they don’t want to. I pretty much moved on from Cody, but it took me many years before I realized how deep the wound was from him ghosting me and how painful it was and how much it had affected the way that I see people and trust people. I had no idea that some of my trust issues came from the way he ghosted me.

Another experience that I felt was traumatizing, was when I broke up with my ex Andrew and he was a robot. Prior to that, for about 2 to 3 months, I tried to break up with Andrew and he would always convince me not to. He would say that he did not want to break up and so because he kept fighting for me and promising me that he’s going to make more time for me, that I was his priority, I thought maybe he did care about me and so I kept staying with him but nothing ever changed and there continued to be so much confusion and fog between us . whenever I did finally do the breaking up for him, he wasn’t even upset. he had zero emotion, no tears for me and was already moved on with a new girlfriend. Tell me how that makes sense!!!!! 😣💔💔

I didn’t realize that Andrew was just using me and he was always going to convince me to stay because he liked the attention I was giving him but at some point I think he realized that he was bored with me obviously and I knew that he had cheated, and at that point, there was nothing he could really say. of course, he denied cheating but I was too smart for that and I knew he was a cheater and I think he knew that there was really nothing more he could do to stop me. He didn’t try very hard and that hurt my feelings that he didn’t wanna break up and now suddenly he doesn’t even fight for me anymore, but he’s cheated so obviously doesn’t love me. 😞

i’m the one that did the breaking up with Andrew, but it felt like he’s the one who broke up with me instead. I felt like the only reason I did actually break up with him was because I knew he had lied and cheated. I didn’t see how I could trust him at that point and I was very disappointed that he was not upset when I broke up with him!! Truly that hurts so much for him to have zero tears for me, and he asked me to still be friends …. Which was bizarre. (He didn’t wanna be the bad guy is why he let me do the breaking up and then he acted like a robot not to show me he’s a cold person) Without a doubt though, he did not love me, but I thought I loved him and I didn’t understand ANY OF IT BACK THEN. It was very confusing and frustrating. I wanted Andrew to love me back so bad. I wanted him to be everything that he was pretending to be. However, his mask came off when we broke up and I saw for the first time how much he really lies and how selfish he really is, but it was very hard for me to stay away from him and he continued to mess with my head and hurt me for a summer… 😭💔

In these events, I have learned about healing, I have learned about loving and letting go, I’ve learned about grief. I’ve learned about trauma and human psychology. I’ve learned more about mental health and most importantly I’ve been learning a lot about forgiveness. These are just some of the lessons I’m gaining from my experiences and I’m sure that there is more to gain. I’m sad that my exes aren’t who I thought they were and the way that they hurt me. 😭 As much as I would love to take it all back and change it, I can’t. I have to accept them for who they are and except what they did to me because there’s nothing we can do to take it away or make it better❤️‍🩹

[ellekhen]

Hand, Hearth, and Home

Chapter 38 - To Dream Alone

Chapter Summary: Gale sits with Church as he consumes another tadpole. The tiefling's training with Tavi doesn't quite go as planned, and Church finds himself making a decision when faced with a literal wish come true.

Pairing(s): Astarion x Male Tav (Main); Past OC x Male Tav Rating: Explicit Length: 177K+ words; Chapters 39/54

Excerpt below:

Tavi looks preoccupied for a moment, before looking reproachfully back at him. 

“All I want is for our world to be safe,” he says wearily. “For you to be safe. I thought that seeing this face would make you happy. I thought encouraging you to indulge in Astarion’s company would give you enough of something to live for. But I’ve seen your mind — you’re still the same fool, intent on being a martyr.”

“I don’t… live for people, Tav,” Church scoffs. 

“No, but you do try to die for them,” Tavi says pointedly. “The whole point of these powers is for you to survive at the very least long enough to defeat the Absolute. So no, I will not give you one more means to destroy yourself.”

They both stand stock-still — facing each other in tense, reproachful silence. 

“It’s not just for the sake of being a martyr,” Church says quietly. “Every terrible thing that has happened or is going to happen will be worth it if I can ensure the others come out of this intact. I want to protect my allies. My friends. Tav…” his voice shakes. “I wasn’t there to protect you. And I can’t let that happen again. Not to…”

“…Astarion?” Tav finishes for him flatly. 

“Well, he’s… among my friends,” Church flounders. “So of course.”

“Hells, when will you admit that it’s more than that?” Tav asks exasperatedly. 

The tiefling closes his eyes for a long moment, before sighing.  

“Tav… I know that I really do care about him,” he admits, choked. “Like I haven’t cared about anyone else since… you. But I don’t think he feels the same way. I think I’m just a means to an end for him, but…”

“Maybe you just like to be used, petal!” Auntie Ethel had cackled spitefully. 

Church looks defeatedly at his friend. 

“I don’t think I’m meant to be with anyone, Tav. I’m condemned. I’ll either be consumed by shadows in a few days or, best case scenario, in sixty-some years I’ll be like Withers in the ruins — a caretaker for Mother’s temple until I die.” 

He huffs frustratedly. “And I don’t know why I even bothered letting myself get attached to someone again, given that I know what’s to come…”

“You wanted to be known,” Tavi says gently. 

Church eyes him, frowning at the similarity of his phrasing to Astarion’s that first night they spent together.

“You wanted to be known,” Tavi repeats gently. “You wanted to be seen and heard. Understood. Remembered. And Church… you are known.” He hesitates before gently brushing his hand against the tiefling’s cheek. “You are loved.”

His hand drifts slowly to the back of Church’s neck, and the tiefling’s breath hitches as he stares up at his old friend. 

“I know everything about you,” Tavi murmurs to him. “Your hopes. Your fears. The things you’ve dreamt for a future you once never dared to imagine…” his mouth quirks up into a small, wistful smile. “…but you still imagined it, didn't you?”

“…yes,” Church breathes. 

“So, what did you imagine?” Tavi asks him gently. “For a scared blacksmith’s boy, marching off to be a paladin for the sake of his father’s dream?”

Church closes his eyes, reaching up to press his friend’s hand to his face. 

“I dreamed you wrote to me,” he chuckles ruefully. “Every month, like you promised. You came back to visit the village every summer, and it would be just like things were before. We’d run up to the top of the bell tower to watch the sunset. We’d tease Lydia and Mairead and prod them into sorting out their feelings faster. 

“Your father would warm up to me, but…” Church scoffs, “...perhaps that’s the most improbable fantasy of all. Still, I’d have dinner with you both on occasion. He’d stop leaving the tavern as soon as I walked in, at least. 

“I’d still set out from the village not too long after you, though,” he rambles. “I’d follow you to Neverwinter. I don’t think I’d try to be a paladin but maybe I’d join an adventurers’ guild there. I’d see you nearly every day we were both in town. Maybe we’d even work together. Either way, I could just… spontaneously meet you for drinks. Food. Maybe even dancing…” 

He sighs, stepping closer to Tavi. 

“…maybe eventually more, if that’s what we still wanted. Or maybe we’d have found someone else instead, but we’d still be friends. I’m certain of it. 

“But…” he chuckles sheepishly. “I used to imagine that you’d be my… first. Or by some miracle I’d be yours, even though you had a couple years of the big city life on me. I imagined it would have been just as awkward as our first kiss, but still in that way just as perfect, you know?

“And then no matter how things turned out over the years, whether we drifted apart or stuck together, we truly would know each other. We wouldn’t have had to make up for years of growth over a stack of letters. We’d have already… had this.”

Church chokes on a sob as he curls his fingers against Tavi’s chest. 

“They wouldn’t have taken this from us before we even got to try. I could have had… years. I could have stayed away from her and the shadows entirely and had a lifetime. I…”

His voice breaks off into a frustrated growl as his fingers clench into Tavi’s shirt. 

“…you wouldn’t have had to feel so alone,” Tavi nods in understanding. 

“Yeah,” Church says emptily, looking up into those infernal, honey-colored eyes. “…and neither would have you.”

Read from the beginning!

[httpiastri]

okay this is a really long ask again bc i cannot shut up so it’s spirituality first then a lot on paul and pee at the end

but NO WAY YOU LIKED NICKELODEON TOO OMG THAT USED TO ALSO BE MY ROUTINE AFTER SCJOOL like id get home and do everything i needed to do just so i could watch victorious, the thundermans, and more and it’s crazy that you have so many experiences surrounding nickelodeon omgomg AND THE FACT THAT YOU DREAMT OF IT?? ive always had dreams that foreshadowed many many events in my life, especially significant events, sometimes months or years before they would happen but sometimes it happens to me with silly little things too and i believe that it happened to you too omg

things like that have happened to me for as long as i can remember so i’m always asking if it’s intuition or me manifesting it and like… could be both tbh

although my intuition has always been crazy strong and i’ve never ignored it even once and it has paid off really well but then again, manifestation is basically just the belief that your thoughts create your reality, simple as that. if you believe it to be true, then it’s true, so sometimes i wonder if my intuition is just a reflection of what i believe to be true, and that in turn is what ends up manifesting? if that makes sense.

and you saying, “it's such a weird coincidence that's not rlly a coincidence....” ?? I AGREE?? 100% because you go about life with people and youre like omg we both did this in this year? and we were in the same place during this time? and we know so many people mutually? and we just dismiss it all as a coincidence until youre like… wait bc how many coincidences until it’s not a coincidence, yk? i feel like the way you put it is like the perfect way of describing everything

(and if paul does end up winning the feature race then… 🤭🤭) but speaking of paul… i find it so odd that the same thing happened in both F3 and F2?? with the win being snatched away at the last moment 🤧🤧 like the worst part is i can’t even be mad about paul not getting his win, like i’m def gutted for him but franco also won it fair and square (i don’t think he passed the track limits, from what i saw anyway) and so it just sucks that things like this happen but im also!! so incredibly proud of franco because i understand what it must mean for him to be the first Argentinean F2 race winner like he’s literally made history within those few seconds but i have no doubt paul’s going to be driving with incredible intensity tomorrow (this is unrelated but at the start of the season idk why i used to be a little afraid of how harsh (…?) he’d become in terms of his driving style… like sometimes i’d feel like it was almost a little dangerous, especially when there were a few conflicts with kimi and i used to be worried that paul might’ve been taking out some anger onto kimi and it used to worry me a bit but i think……. it’s better now? i really really hope so because conflict scares me so bad and especially since no one knows if kimi and paul are still friends, and even they aren’t, you can’t really blame paul because kimi really got two major things that mattered to paul but also idk i think i’m rambling atp but i hope that even if he drives madly tomorrow, it isn’t at the cost of the safety of any of the drivers on track, including him)

but i was actually heartbroken over pepe though 😕😕 i can’t imagine being in his position, probably hoping to get a fresh start after the break and doing so well in between only for this to happen… and like with the way they replayed the incident in the race it looked like he was in the wrong but i rewatched it and it seemed mutual?? so idk why he was the only one who received a penalty for it but like ive also been in positions where i just became a little out of sync with things i usually excel at, and idk how to word it properly but i have a feeling he’s probably experiencing it rn which sucks 😓😓 i hate that feeling so much because you just feel so icky and everything seems so disjointed and im just wishing the best for him tbh, especially since i think it’s pretty clear that he holds himself up to really high standards, and even when he’s in a position someone else might be more than happy with, he’s just not satisfied with it…?

i NEED for pepe to be happy again with race results for once like it’s really all ive been asking for recently

- 🪷

paul and pee, my loves 🥰 sjdkfhdj sorry i had to

but omfg you saying that about nickelodeon, that's so crazy !!!! dreams are such a cool thing, i used to dream like every night but now it's rarely ever.... wish i had more clear examples of stuff ive dreamed about happening irl because i have a very strong feeling that it has happened at least a couple of times? but i can't come up with a single example rn?? 😭

that's also really cool!! and yes i think it makes sense, it's a very interesting thought. i always feel like my intuition is strong when it's about like little silly things, like "how many stones are under this cup", but im thinking like... what if i do trust my intuition way more than i remember, maybe i just haven't acknowledged it or really recognized that that's what im doing? im definitely gonna be more open-minded when it comes to my intuition and kinda try to see what happens 🤭

YES YES exactly!! how many coincidences until it's not a coincidence????????? because when i talk to people about stuff like this, most of them are just "yeah weird coincidence lol" but when does it become something bigger? it's v v v interesting, i personally don't think there have to be a lot of them to actually maybe be something more...

also kinda off topic but also not?? i dont want this to become a religious thing because idk how you feel about that, but i used to be kinda christian when i was younger just because i refused to believe that i just "happened" to land on this planet at this time as a human being. like you're telling me that the universe has been a thing for billions and billions of years, and that it's infinitely large, and i just happen to be a living human here right now?????? there's just no way. like rn idk if i would say that im religious but i believe that there's a reason that im here right now. i believe that there's something or someone (or whatever) kinda making up the world or guiding things, or something, and that's why i don't really see a lot of things as coincidences? like a lot of the time i say "it's a sign 😁" when there are "coincidences" and people think im joking but im usually at least a bit serious on the inside lol. idk if you get what im saying? if any part of this was okay to understand?? but yeah basically people around me have always looked at me weirdly for believing in spiritual stuff etc, so ive tried to hide and repress it but you're waking up all of these emotions in me and i just 😭

i think i jinxed paul win by talking too much about it... the times when ive been right haven't rlly been intentional so i think i shouldn't have shared this with everyone 😭 welp... but yes that's very odd!! and just like franco having his maiden f3 win in the imola sprint two years ago? and now maiden f2 win in the sprint?? 😦 and for example baku is an interesting circuit, ollie taking his maiden f2 win there in the sprint and then winning the feature too, and what happened at the same track two years earlier?? juri vips took his maiden f2 win in a sprint and then won the feature aswell..... an estonian driver in a hitech, will we see the same this year in baku?????????? (or do we have to wait until next year bcs so far it's been every other year? 😭)

yeah im super happy for franco too, i also think it was just a great move 🤭 but omg i totally see what you mean about paul and his driving style.... ive been so worried that he's gonna crash into kimi and just 😭 like yk what he wrote in his insta channel thing? about "i would've won the race if antonelli didn't do his wonder kid thing and ruin my race" after melbourne 😭 he's so so cocky istg (ALSO OMG did you see the clip from the press conference yesterday abt beating most of the big names in the championship??? 😶) but i still love him loads. but yeah i too feel more safe with him on the track, maybe especially since he has turned out to be doing better than i (and probs him too) expected and now he doesn't wanna ruin this lol. but yeah he must have such a complicated relationship with kimi, they used to be cute friends but it's very understandable to feel conflicted when kimi got everything paul should've had 😭

we were heartbroken yesterday already, but today... after this race...... i didn't even focus on all of the replays tbh because i was watching an hour late and in the car, but :(( even if it was his fault, that's not fair 💔 sdjfhdkfj. but yes gosh i agree with everything you're saying, he's so calm and cool off the track but so competitive and like a sore loser (this isn't exactly what i mean but english doesn't have a word for the swedish term im thinking of) in a good way? not in the way that he blames other people incessantly when he loses, but more that he hates it and blames himself and needs to do it better the next time. so this weekend.... 🥲 but yes yes i relate to that feeling too.... it feels so common in sports to do really well one week and the next you're like "?? what's going on????" :(((( and y e s you're so right about him holding himself up to really high standards 🥲 so painful to see

but uh yeah he will do well in monaco, i trust it!! it will happen!!!!!!!

[briansgermanlitblog]

Reflections on a Year of Reading German Literature

Titles Read:

The Book Thief - Markus Zusak

Refugee - Alan Grantz

The Diary of a Young Girl - Anne Frank

These books are from different countries and different time periods, but they all have a common thread of highlighting the resilience of the human spirit in times of adversity. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak is set in Nazi Germany during World War II and follows the life of a young girl named Liesel, who finds solace in books during the darkest moments of her life.It’s setting is in Germany in the beginning when the Nazi is taking power. It portrays the power of literature and storytelling to provide hope and a sense of humanity in times of war and oppression, in Liesel's case while being a non jew she sees the events caused by Hitler first hand, it’s oppression and discrimination against Jews. The unnecessary violence, the construction of concentration camps, and forced relocation of Jews all taking place in the 1900s and through these hardships people managed to persist and survive using hope and family and friends (theme).

Refugee by Alan Grantz is a fiction novel 3 stories each based on a refugee child each from 3 countries - Syria, Nazi Germany, and Cuba. It shows the bravery and persistence of each refugee in their pursuit of a better freer, and life, despite the many struggles and dangers they go against. Joseph a Jew from the Nazi Germany story, experienced tragic losses with separation and death. Joseph and his family dreamt of an end of running and hiding while triumphing over many obstacles still dies at the end. Sacrificing himself and his mother to save Joseph’s sister Ruthie from the concentration camps. After both the mother and Joseph die in the concentration camp. Signifying the theme throughout the Nazi’s era and its stories caused a lot more deaths than dreams coming true and everyone surviving.

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank is a first hand experience of an adolescent Jewish girl's life in hiding during the Nazi rise to power of the Netherlands and Germany. It provides an introduction and story into the daily struggles and hopes of a young girl facing discrimination and forced to hide from the world - specifically the Nazi’s. Also highlights the importance of family, friends and a positive attitude towards the conflict. However Anne Frank was unable to survive World War II and Hitler’s reign even after all the safety precautions taken to avoid relocation to a concentration camp and death she couldn’t survive. Showing that the theme is life doesn’t always go your way

From these 3 books I read over the last 20 weeks, I learned that humanity can prevail even the darkest moments in history. These books show that hope, resilience, bravery, and a belief in a better future are essential to overcoming impossible situations that seem scarce in survival. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak you’re able to see the bond she makes in her new family when they open up and comfort Liesel during these tough times, like when Mr. Hubermann comforts Liesel commonly at night when she has a nightmare. Also, Refugee by Alan Grantz in Joseph’s story, Joseph in such a dark and dangerous moment in history that he bravely sacrificed himself so his sister would be spared, showing the resilience and courage Joseph had to save his sister like a highly responsible big brother. The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank, I remember while hiding in the annex from the Nazi’s, debris, and the missiles they persevered through hope, and resilience together as if by blood. They experienced tough times like being supplied with less rations and near caught experiences with the Nazi’s.

After these 20 weeks of Independent Reading I’ve learned more about myself concerning books and more about time management. For starters I’ve read business and personal finance books on the side before Independent Reading to become more financially literate. After reading more storytelling stories both nonfiction and fiction I’ve learned that I preferred reading finance books. Mainly because of the useful knowledge you gain about your future but also because the stories related to Germany are usually boring. In general I find books and reading boring. I’ve given it my best try and with an open mind but it never clicked with me. This Independent Reading assignment feels more like a chore than an actual thing I look forward to doing. On the other hand, while it feels like a chore I was able to adapt to my busy schedule and continue to read 10 pages everyday right after school and had time to go to work after.

[1upm]

Time flows like glaciers or like rapids. Over moments, over memories.

I feel like so much life has passed me by.

I haven’t fought off sharks in the ocean but I’ve raced down Death Roads. I’ve rafted down the Amazon River. I’ve churned sugar cane with tribespeople. I’ve hiked a pilgrimage on the trail of the Incan Sun Gods, surrounded by ruins and the highest altitude lake in the world.

I've ridden donkeys across the pampas and drank and sang with gauchos by firelight. Gotten trapped in blizzards hiking into the Andes.

I’ve had magic happen to me and around me in Paris, living under a windmill, in secret gardens with Alan Watts’ old friends, in secret bars, at secret performances by the river. I’ve watched a wall of fireworks off rooftops in Hong Kong. I’ve sat for dinner and private piano recitals in Havana with leaders of the Cuban government, and swam in the ocean, sleepless, with the first rays of sunlight, godly.

I’ve driven across America, meeting cowboys and drinking with rickshaw drivers, hiking out of darkness and by starlight from atop mountains and out of canyons. I’ve slept and dreamt at the palace from The Sound of Music, watching performances on the same piano Beethoven's father played, while firewood crackled and echoed.

I’ve danced in ancient cellars, and explored abandoned manors by violet twilight. I’ve been chased by fire-breathing demons in a small Spanish village, lay down with an entire crowd to watch them on high wires.

I’ve had the most popular show in South Korea dedicate an episode to me. I’ve fallen in love in a speakeasy in Seoul, and had old fortune-telling machines tell us about it. I’ve ridden waves just below the surface of The Mediterranean. Hiked with Old World sculptors named after Greek philosophers, slept in the studio of an artist-saint in Vienna, and had him tell me about his secret conversations with Rembrandt, and the meaning of chasing the sun.

I've watched, incredulous, as the creator of the Midnight in Paris soundtrack showed up unannounced and played it for us in a small room — at midnight, near the steps themselves. I’ve pulled into Las Vegas on a Friday night, blinding lights rising out of darkness, surrounded by glamour, covered head to toe in desert dust.

I’ve skated the Rideau Canal at 3am, path freshly cleaned and reflecting every dim lantern light, with old friends and no another soul in sight, just our wide swooping strides, blades crackling against ice. I’ve watched triumphant, arms-raised gold medal finishes front row at the Olympics. I’ve been caught in black sky thunderstorms riding the world’s largest tidal bore, and ducked into active lithium mines in the world’s highest city. I’ve gotten stuck in the Bolivian salt flats and slept in a salt hotel. On another continent I’ve played soccer with locals in the world’s most cavernous former communist salt mines 30 stories underground.

I’ve helped paint old cottages on Lake Como, and partied with Paloma Faith and the xx in a rooftop loft in London. I’ve had Keira Knightley stare into my soul. I’ve controlled the lights on top of the Empire State Building, and stood alone on top of the Eiffel tower. Listened to jazz front row in the living room of a Harlem music legend. I’ve hosted five weddings, and been a Best Man twice. I've been in the right place at the right time to wander euphoric, swarming, celebrating streets the night they became NBA, MLB, and World Cup champions, high-fiving strangers. I've schemed with space hotel architects and TED speakers in a 250 year old victorian mansion on Halloween. I've been caught between coyotes and LA riot police, circled by the spotlight of news copters. I created technology and filed a patent to fix the Internet and try to save the world. I raised a million dollars from the first investors in Twitter, media barons — the ones Succession was based on — and White House deputies.

I’ve eaten enough for 5 people just to reveal an old myth in Provence, with a chef literally out of the pages of Peter Mayle. I was a student council president orchestrated through a battle of the bands. I won a national competition not intended for me by predicting the future of work in the year 2040.

I did pushups to save a groom at a Majorcan estate, and closed the dance floor with fire breathers and belly dancers in Marrakech. I’ve heard thunder echo for a whole minute while walls shook. I’ve arrived at an international airport 45 minutes to departure and made it after racing through traffic from a Studio Ghibli island.

I’ve developed black and white film in dark rooms. I’ve been invited to convince one of North America’s top design studios to recreate the metaverse. I’ve been chased by police during G20 riots and hidden in the attic of a pet shop, while an earthquake happened and the caged birds sensed it before we did. I had a ghost touch me. In sleep paralysis a woman quietly and calmly told to me how the rest of my life will go — and when I moved she became static like a radio. I’ve had movie scripts and short stories appear in my mind, fully-formed. I've seen planes float like boats.

I’ve stood in top secret ephemeral factory hangars to critique full scale clay models of cars 5 years before the world knew they existed, stood in towering noise isolation chambers, and hitched a ride with strangers to get home. I've seen machines taken apart piece by piece like a real-world exploded diagram spread over 50 metres in underground halls where phones weren’t allowed, and walked along cavernous factory floors as fully formed vehicles rolled off.

I’ve found myself presenting to Germany’s leading news anchor, and being served a secret pasta recipe by the godmother of the German news service, and touring the New Yorker's headquarters. I’ve packed rooms at the world’s top journalism conferences and had Google executives spy on me.

I’ve had the founder of Second Life make me tell the story of Canadian engineering rings in the Stanford faculty lounge. I’ve had a world class circus juggler, from a touring circus family, try to teach me in MIT’s infinite corridor, and send pins flying millimeters from either side of my head.

I’ve been threatened with jail by crooked State Troopers. I’ve had absinthe out of an ornate crystal fountain in one of Paris’ oldest bars, just as Hemingway did, while the grandmotherly owners sang La Vie En Rose, waltzing with patrons around us — and then watched a drummer transcend in an old dungeon near Notre Dame.

I've found myself partying elbow to elbow with the President of Microsoft at a personal set by Kaskade at a Chalet in Davos, while being served truffle pasta on the dance floor, with a Prince Harry doppelgänger. I’ve read poems from this blog, on stage, at one of New York City’s most revered open mic music and poetry nights — and danced through the streets of Manhattan for hours as part of a silent disco flash mob pub crawl.

I’ve lost a game of Werewolf to the founder of Wikipedia. I’ve had drinks with 3 of the Five Guys. I’ve played a tennis tournament final on the next court over from Federer. I’ve taken a colour sensitivity test at Renault’s design studios. I’ve danced, unprepared, in front of an amphitheater of people wearing a king’s outfit at a historic Korean folk village. I’ve jogged for 10 minutes with wires attached to my chest and then had to hold my breath for a minute while my heart was scanned — and told it was beautiful.

I tried to convince NBA players to give me money. I’ve acted as a tour guide in 3 cities, including for one of America’s dynastic families — because a stranger invited me to their executive box at an NHL game in another city the next day. I’ve had lightning strike the highway in front of me. I had waves crash around me at dusk at Giant’s Causeway, and listened to Enya float over real Irish cheddar while rain battered the windows in Galway. I’ve seen iconic MC rap battles in chip shops in London and partied in hidden rooms behind a sandwich shop in DC.

I’ve hidden postcards from the universe all over the world.

I’m 35. A New year is almost here.

There is so, so, so much more to see and do.

Heartstrings vibrating, eyes smiling.

[tila-bean]

I agree with everything said above, but I'd like to briefly touch on this point:

"Re-write of the after credits scene in Inquisition to recontextualise the Flemeth and Solas interaction"

New players to the franchise wouldn't be able to know this, but this should be clear to old fans of DA:

Solas's Regret Murals are memories.

They are not a word-for-word window to the past. They are recollections visualized in the Fade, tinted heavily by his perspective.

When you talk to the fragment of Mythal in the Fade, she and Rook literally confirm this through the following dialogue:

Rook: We saw Solas's memories. His regrets. Mythal: You saw the recollection he cultivated like a tree twisting to catch the sun.

This is also why Emmrich and Bellara struggle about quoting them when considering writing a paper about "elves came from spirits" revelation. Bellara mentions they could be considered as some sort of diary, which falls into the anecdotal evidence realm, one of the weakest, if not the weakest type of source for scholarly works. Mind you, Solas himself warned us to be careful when seeing things in the Fade. In Inquisition, when asked about a memory from the battle of Ostagar, he says the following (credit to @daitranscripts for this):

Solas: I dreamt at Ostagar. I witnessed the brutality of the darkspawn and the valor of the Fereldan warriors. I saw Alistair and the Hero of Ferelden light the signal fire… and Loghain’s infamous betrayal of Cailan’s forces. Inquisitor: I’ve heard the stories. It would be interesting to hear what it was really like. Solas: That’s just it. In the Fade, I see reflections created by spirits who react to the emotions of the warriors. One moment, I see heroic Wardens lighting the fire and a power-mad villain sneering as he lets King Cailan fall. The next, I see an army overwhelmed and a veteran commander refusing to let more soldiers die in a lost cause. Inquisitor: And you can’t tell which is real? Solas: It is the Fade. They are all real.

There are some additional lines too, if you have this conversation during or post Hear Lies The Abyss:

Solas: Perhaps Alistair could tell you more, yet even that is just another perspective. Solas: Perhaps Loghain could tell you more, yet even that is just another perspective.

So yeah. No one retconned anything. This is just Solas reliving how the conversation went in his mind, from his point of view.

This game has been out since Halloween.

In that time, there have been numerous Veilguard positive posts in which patient, loving, wonderful, insightful and intelligent individuals attempt to impart lore onto a fanbase which doesn't deserve their time and attention.

I can't believe I'm running across posts made within the past five days which express disgust and frustration towards the devs over things which have been explained in great detail multiple times on this site, BUT IN THE DAMN GAME.

AND Y'ALL KEEP COMPLAINING THE GAME TELLS BUT DOESN'T SHOW. AND YOU DON'T EVEN LISTEN OR WATCH.

"the crows are presented as wholesome" - they are not. this site has a crow fanbase which has run off and lionized Viago as Daddy, conveniently ignored all the in-game details which either hint or baldly state things Definitely Aren't Cool, and generally fetishized what it means to be a Crow because of Zevran and Lucanis. Then the same people, or others who weren't paying proper attention, whined when the headcanon crowded out the actual in-game material, and they said "Antiva is whitewashed." There have been multiple posts about this.

"slaves are meant to be everywhere in Tevinter and we don't see that" - we aren't everywhere, we're specifically in Docktown which is poor and people generally can't afford slaves there, but we do see evidence of slavery, and we run around with abolitionists and help save people from fascist slavers and free people who will either be slaves or victims of blood magic so IDK what to tell you, there have been multiple posts explaining this too, maybe leave your slave or savior fetish somewhere else.

"Racism is supposed to be rampant" - fuck off. I actually will not be explaining this because for once it was nice not to be called a slur. If you need this to feel "immersed" or to feel there are actual problems, I need you to check yourself fucking hard. If you want to masquerade what it feels like to experience bigotry, go play one of the prior games. This has also been discussed in multiple posts.

"Handling pure lyrium is fine now" no handling the dagger is fine Solas cleansed it, the dagger woke something up in Harding specifically she talks about how some dwarves are connected to the stone, she previously had not been one of them and maybe the dagger woke something up in her, or did you need a pop up explaining this? Were you paying attention during cut scenes and dialogue?

"Adult Dalish without vallaslin" - in the 10 years since Inquisition/Trespasser, doubtless some dalish have come to adulthood and found out what assholes their gods were and made the decision not to go through that specific cultural rites. Or maybe city elves joined the Dalish. Who knows who made up the elf population at that ritual site. Elves are not a monolith. We've made multiple, multiple posts about elves not being monoliths.

"Solas' opinion on blood magic went from neutral to negative" SOLAS FUCKING LIES. We've made multiple posts about Solas lying, if you need this explained further I suggest you play the game all over again, he lies to you throughout the entire game.

"Re-write of the after credits scene in Inquisition to recontextualise the Flemeth and Solas interaction" it's recontextualized because now we know who and what they were to each other. Learning new information does that. This is literally what happens all the time in science and history. You recontextualize what you thought you knew with new information. You're supposed to change your position, not whine about how the new information makes everything different.

These are just some of the things I pulled from a list on a post in which someone was really just upset about everything. Everything. Varric, Morrigan, Solas, everything. But I can't take their criticisms seriously, because they're upset that "too much was told" and "not enough shown" and yet didn't even pay attention to DA lore or in-game dialogue or context clues around the world of Northern Thedas to answer their own questions.

Everything in this game makes complete sense if you use lore from prior games and a single iota of imagination to see how it fits. We've had many delightful posts discussing this, seeing how things could be explained, when approaching the game from a place of curiosity rather than being upset because personal headcanons weren't satisfied or long-held expectations weren't met.

[ilovetheseattlemariners]

7 summers might be the best song ever written

Tomorrow the students from Japan leave. The cyclic nature of hosting students like this is quite sad: you meet someone, develop a deep connection with them, know it’ll never last longer than two weeks, and then say goodbye at the door with tears in your eyes. And then do it again. And part of me feels it’s kinda insincere, right? like all of these students must feel some deep connection and emotion with the time they spent with us and — maybe I’m just misanthropic and lack empathy — but each student becomes just a moment in the past and gets somewhat written over by their subsequent (dare I say) replacement. And I want it to be deep and meaningful to me. I want you to matter to me. I want to care and remember and love you still. It’s unfair. I’m sorry.

Anyways, these students are really young and it’s cute. It’s cute seeing my dad who normally bitches about anything and everything my mom does cuz of an overdue divorce be like paternal to them and smile and laugh — something my dad never does anymore. And it makes me want to have kids somewhat just to experience this again. I remember after mass I was talking to my cousin who I’d literally seen grow up; who I grew up with. And I repeatedly told her: “you aren’t going to be in the 10th grade, you’re going into grade 5. You aren’t going to be in grade 10, you’re going into grade 5.” Over and over and over and still as of writing this I’m incredulous. Stay as a memory in my past that I’ll never let go of.

My old ex was at mass too and she was making an active attempt to look away from me. Like look into the ground kind of obvious. Idk. There’s really no point for either of us to be in our lives any longer; and we aren’t in fact in either of our lives any longer. But I’d give so much to relive the honeymoon phase. To relive the phase where neither of us knew the other yet and we were just mass crushes and the subsequent meeting and courting and lovemaking which I dreamt about. I wrote about her in old journals. I threw her away, to be completely honest with you. But I cannot have her back. Even if the opportunity fell in my lap once more, I can’t be the man she wants. I can’t be a man any longer. That’s what I was feeling. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and I can never, ever, ever be straight and I’m so sorry I wanted to love you forever so badly and I still do. And know that every day if you still think about it we still walk to the pier holding hands. I walked to that pier recently and I couldn’t force myself to go to our spot but I went close enough and the scent of the river was so strong and right now writing this is the experience of suffering from a fresh wound except it’s been months now. I miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you I write that I miss you and think of multiple people and I must be one of the shittiest people in the world and honestly yes I do deserve my lot.

Reading It’s lonely at the centre of the world(?) by zoe thorogood is the kind of perception that makes you want to vomit. I just want to be a woman and i suffer like her except I’m not a woman and that makes me suffer in an unexplored way that I might have to discover in art. Lord let me be forgotten by everyone in this life and let me forget everyone too so I can be made into a woman like you always intended. Amen amen alleluia.

[verbo-s-e]

july 30, 2023 9:38 pm

it’s been a week and a day. that seems to be some kind of personal best here. i impress even myself.

i trimmed my hair. took more off than i wanted to and now my hair is shorter than where i liked it. maybe now it’ll grow. were you those extra inches i cut off to help me grow? it’s hard to tell. in this moment i like the length but ask me tomorrow and i might have a meltodwn and try and put extensions in. the bad kind.

i mean this all in the literal and metaphorical sense. they say, if you know you know. funny how my worth, and worth of women around the globe collectively feel that it’s tied to our hair. to reiterate: yes, the hair.

but enough about hair. here’s some updates because i fell off the face of the earth. aside from hair trimming, of course.

things compounded in such a way on friday that my brain was such a bad place, i checked myself into the CSU. look it up if you don’t know. the words still get stuck in my throat even thinking about it. stayed the night and finally let some of the pressure that’s been cooking inside of me all summer — and the last four years — out. in a safe, objective space that was truly there to help and benefit me.

now, obviously i’m not all whole and healed now. no where close. but it was enough to gain some much needed clarity again.

for clarity’s sake, it should be noted that you weren’t the only reason but i’d say a good and solid 60/40 split. kinda like how my psyche felt after all that. it was too much. you being my neighbor and way too fucking close for comfort and unable to escape the energetic force fields mixing as well as the same thing at home. yeah. i fucking cracked in half.

but without that crack, i don’t think i would’ve made certain decisions upon arriving home yesterday. things finally feel tangible to leave and i have mostly solid exit strategies in place that i feel confident in. so much of it out of my control, i’m trying not to spiral or self sabotage those things. so far so good.

my sleep is more fucked now than ever, but good news: haven’t dreamt of you in a hot second. universe, please don’t do me dirty tonight. k thanks.

so that’s my update. hair cuts and grippy sock vacations. luckily it wasn’t my bangs. if it was my bangs, well — i guess i should start digging my grave now.

i hate you a little less in this moment and feel a softness and tenderness i haven’t in a while. i’m not a place where i can (and don’t want to) come near that really with a ten foot pole. but i feel it creeping in. maybe i can keep it at bay.

i’m once again putting three thousand miles of space between us. i need more of that clarity from before. when i get back, i’ll have a definitive plan and can really start the healing. no more duct tape on these wounds, no thank you! i think i’ve debrided them enough to clean with saline and wrap up properly. it’s time. it’s fucking time.

anyway.

there’s that.

[osmorphosis]

dream log. hello. u know those dreams that feel like i’ve lived a whole other life by the time i wake up? i dreamt that i was dating this guy, maybe a few months after breaking up with kelvin. we were part of this friend group that stuck together (no one that i knew from real life funnily, all people made up by my brain), and we would just be very touchy and cuddly — i don’t remember how we eventually solidified it into a relationship. i think notable differences with my real-life experiences so far are that it was very organic (felt like a very natural transition), and we were solidly just friends for a while. don’t remember what he looked like, except that he was taller than me LMFAO. maybe he had glasses. and blonde hair. but maybe i’m making this up. he was very very sweet, caring, mature — no cringe guy behavior humor 💀. i always thought i wanted someone who matches my level of chaotic, but i think maybe i just want someone who accepts it but is sweet & caring over anything.

we dated for like 5 months? funny how i can endure/enjoy a relationship for longer in my dreams than irl. all i remember is it being really good. i don’t remember anything from it though, LOL, but it was just a very soft cuddly lovey relationship — probably a message from my brain that that is truly all i want in a s/o. we were very very touchy, but there wasn’t any type of sexual activity throughout the whole relationship — i feel a bit more safe in my asexuality after this, especially since i’ve been thinking about and questioning it a lot lately (still am but oh well, sexuality is a fluid thing and whatever and i can always change). i’m also wondering how tf physical touch isn’t one of my love languages though LMFAO?

moving on, because the dream gets FUCKING WACKY after this. we break up, but i barely remember why. it was either related to something or someone dying or sacrificing themselves or whatever — like it was some insane fantasy action plot — OR it was just because one of us didn’t want to anymore (most likely him because i was heartbroken after??). so after we break up, for the first day i’m totally fine — like after my irl breakup. and then, the day after, it hits. i’m at school, in class, and then trying to go to the bathroom, and i’m just MISERABLE. maybe this is the confirmation that i’m not unable to fall in love (aro moment) but that i just haven’t met the right person?

ok, parentheses but we NEED to talk about the fucking BATHROOMS. so i’m in line to go to the bathroom, and at this point i’m not in any specific school and everyone from my life seems to go to this school. like i’m seeing people from high school lining up for the washrooms and all the a&s girls are also in this school. so when i go to the bathroom… they’re like on a stage?? it’s like two really fancy toilet bowls, no walls, and u just go on stage and do ur business?? and everyone’s just doing it? there’s like a tiny tiny little barrier between the stage and below, where people wait, but still?? and there’s a tiger and supervisors up on the stage?? and u need to scan ur card to be able to activate the toilet bowl? i’m literally like… wtf. anyways, moving back to main story.

after my bathroom adventure, i somehow find myself with some of the a&s girls (not just them and not all of them). i’m on the verge of bursting into tears the whole time bc i’m literally fucking heartbroken, but none of them know. so i’m on edge, and some of them notice, but eventually we all head to our respective classes except i dip to go be heartbroken in peace. jiamei comes after me, but before we talk about anything, i’m jump cutting to the cafeteria, where i’m getting soup with… kelvin?? HAHAA. what even. so i’m telling him about the breakup, and dream him reminds me of EVERY reason i do not like him anymore. he’s having super cringe immature conservative man behavior and eventually is like “oh should we just get back together wink wink” and i’m like RREEEEEE GET ME OUT OF HERE *gags*.

i don’t know how the dream ends. i remember wanting to text the dream boyfriend-turned-ex, but not doing it because he isn’t texting me. but then, he’s like applying to this position that i’m in charge of reviewing? and then, i’m not certain what happens LOL. i’ll hope for dream me that she gets a happy ending, whether that be getting back with him and moving on. although dream boyfriend-turned-ex was truly a snatch — probably because he was only in my dreams AHAH.

wow this is my longest entry ever (so far) xd. maybe this is one of those dreams that are like premonitions? hopefully, i wanna date a man as good as dream guy in real life MDSLSPKSL.

[squash1]

ok i’m still having sweetmetal brainrot because there’s just so much to unpack.

i’ve been thinking a lot about the implications of sweetmetals through the lens of how we value art. in many ways art is the background noise to our lives, but we have a tendency to only really appreciate classic “masterpieces,” not the art that exists in everyday life, or art that is made on a smaller scale for a smaller audience. sweetmetals take this idea that only art that is determined to be a masterpiece is valuable and flips it on its head. boudicca’s most powerful, and in turn valuable, sweetmetal is “jordan in white,” a painting that hennessy herself made a sweetmetal through her too big childhood emotions. it is not a sweetmetal — something capable of literally waking dreams — because it is technically impeccable or because hennessy is famous, it is a sweetmetal because hennessy was feeling when she made it. or think about the index card hennessy draws on to express how devastated she is to not have jordan in her life. an index card that reads “of fucking course” is able to wake a dreamt mouse because it has power and value. it’s not a masterpiece but it means something to hennessy. sweetmetals are about emotions, about the value of channeling emotions into art (both the value that has to the artist and to the viewers).

i keep coming back to the moment where declan looks at these abstract paintings — mostly just a grey canvas — and says “It makes me want to goddamn cry.” we have no idea if these paintings were sweetmetals, but it doesn’t really matter. because in that moment those paintings offer declan what sweetmetals offer dreams. they wake him up. declan, who has tried for so long to feel nothing, to never let his feelings show, feels outwardly because of this art. it doesn’t matter how monetarily valuable to work is, it has value to him in that moment. and i feel like this is what we should take away from sweetmetals: art has the power to keep us awake, and make life real. whether you create it or consume it or both, you are keeping yourself awake and real in the moment you’re in.

[mellyblack-shifts]

I Mini Shifted After Two and a Half Years of Trying

I’ve literally waited so long to write those words. I shifted. I freaking shifted. It’s real, and you can do it too.

Disclaimer: I am so excited and all over the place at the moment, so I am going to try and make this as organized and coherent as possible, but if it’s a little all over the place I’m sorry. I SHIFTED AND IM EXCITED!

Before the Shift:

I literally didn’t do anything special. I had done this two nights in a row and both nights it’s gone great for me. First night I dreamt of my DR and then last night I MINI SHIFTED, so this clearly works for me but doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll work for you.

Anyways, I just did my normal bed time routine after having a normal day and got in bed. I did a deep breathing meditation and then put on a subliminal (the subliminal I used was one of Slade’s from YouTube) and started to fall asleep. As I was falling asleep I did some affirmations. Here are the ones I’m currently cycling out:

“I expect to shift”

“I expect to open my eyes in my DR”

“I am detached from my CR”

“I am powerful”

“I expect to wake up in my DR”

“I expect to shift as soon as I fall asleep”

The Shift:

OKAY!!!!

I was dreaming like normal AND THEN I HAD A LUCID DREAM! I grounded myself, thought about making a portal, but there was a dream person there (and I remember someone telling me to ask them why I haven’t shifted and what’s stopping myself) so I walked up to them and asked “why haven’t I shifted” and they told me I need to get rid of all my fears. So I turned around and walked through a door and I told myself that walking through this door will make me wake up in my DR. As soon as I walked through the door it felt like I got sucked into a black hole lmao. It felt like I was falling from a really high height which freaked me out but I just kept telling myself “I am not afraid” “I am shifting” and I kept saying that over and over and then I woke up. I didn’t open my eyes right away though (this has something that’s been happening to me because I do the aff “I will only open my eyes in my DR”). Well, I didn’t think anything happened, so I was about to roll over and go back to sleep, but then I realized I couldn’t hear the subliminal that was playing when I fell asleep, and I couldn’t hear or feel my fan. I touched the bed (I still hadn’t opened my eyes) and it felt completely different. Different sheets and everything. Then for a second I could hear and feel my CR room, and then it would switch back again. And it did this like three or four times where I could feel my other bed, and then suddenly I could feel my DR bed and my dog next to me. Idk if I’m explaining this right, but the only way I can describe it is I literally think I was going back and forth between realities. I would be in my CR room one second, and then a different reality bed the next. I clearly wasn’t grounded because I opened my eyes here, but!!!!!!!

I know I shifted. I know for a fact I was not in my room for a good thirty seconds. I don’t know if it was my DR, but it definitely wasn’t this reality.

I am so excited. It’s real you guys. It’s real. Don’t give up. Keep trying. We’re gonna make it home. ❤️