#I’ve done that multiple times before!!
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Trying so hard to learn how to play Prisoner by doing nothing aside from trial and error… I’m doing so horrible that I’ve had to use the default costume, so that people think I’m new
#I used to RANK as him#Pretty much all I did back then was decode and rely on my randoms#Sounds like a good strategy now as well!!#I keep playing him despite doing HORRIBLE because he is my son and I love him#I managed to accidentally run into the basement while kiting earlier#I’ve done that multiple times before!!#actually did#did#identity v#system#did osdd#did system#idv#luca balsa#idv fictive#identity v fictive#system host#fictive#idv introject#introject#identity v introject#endos dni
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Why did I have to develop 3 major crushes at the same time
#I can handle multiple relationships#I’ve done it before#but not when they start at the same time Jesus Christ#polyamory is cool but my emotions need to CHILL
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question for the fanfic readers (and writers) who are out here working full time jobs:
how/when do you make time to read/write fanfics?
my tendency to read fanfics late at night will not be such a good idea when i’m out of school and working in the real world, when i can’t just say fuck it and show up with only a few hours of sleep.
#sincerely someone who will be working an internship where i’ll be starting at 7:30 every morning#which means i’ll be waking up around 6 every day#and therefore cannot stay up until midnight reading fanfics like i’ve been doing a lot#but i still need my silly little fanfics to get through the day#and i would like the reassurance that that is still possible even when working full time#and like realistically i know i can carve out time in my day to read fanfics but like nighttime is me time#and therefore fanfic time. which is a bad habit to have really#my sleep schedule is so fucked up#oh and also while taking care of household stuff like cleaning/cooking/laundry. forgot to mention that bit#i’m also worried that if i start reading a fanfic in the morning i just won’t get anything done that day bcuz i’ll want to just read said#fanfic…that has happened before. multiple times. so it’s a valid concern#fanfics#ao3#archive of our own#fanfic#fanfiction#fandom#reinanova rambles
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my poor baker boyfriend has to witness me figure out how to burn cookies
#shouting into the void#they’re basic chocolate chip cookies that i’ve done multiple times before what happened???#my sibling made these perfectly like a couple days ago!#the one time i try and show him my baking lol
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MY LIFE IS NOT REAL WHAT IS GOING ON
#GUYS#so for context before i get into the storytime i currently live at home with my mom and brother#and my mom came into my room at like 10:30 and said ‘i need you to go downstairs and be the adult right now because i can’t deal with this’#(my mom is 54 and i’m 20 but sure i’ll be the adult???)#so basically. my brother (13) gave our fucking address to some random person on discord who claims to be 11 but who the fuck knows#keep in mind my brother was born in 2011 so he’s grown up with the internet his whole life#and he’s been told countless times by my entire family not to give out personal information online but he has done it multiple times#anyway he says he and his friends from school have been talking to this ‘kid’ on discord for like a year#and none of them know him irl bc he lives in rhode island or something but they’ve apparently been on video calls with him and seen his face#so there’s a good chance he actually is a kid but i personally don’t trust anything online anymore so i’m not totally convinced#but anyway he apparently sent my brother what looked like a youtube link but when he clicked on it it gave this kid his ip address#i have no idea how that shit works or if that’s possible but that’s what he’s saying#and then my brother was arguing with this kid bc i guess he’s racist?? and the kid was like ‘just remember i have your address’#and my brother is being super vague about everything but i guess the kid implied he was going to send a swat team to our house or some shit#so my brother freaked out and called the cops and since my mom wanted me to be the adult i had to go sit downstairs and wait for them#and let me tell you it was so fucking embarrassing standing there while my brother told the cop this insane story#and while my brother was inside getting his phone the cop asked me ‘so what’s the deal do you think this is legit or just kids talking shit’#like bro don’t ask me i have no idea what the fuck is going on and i’m so sorry you had to come to our house to deal with this 😭#anyway he’s going to file a report so if the cops get a call anytime soon about a murder or something happening at our house—#—they’ll call me or my mom to ask what’s going on and make sure it’s not this fucking kid from rhode island swatting us#so that was my night! what the fuck#i’ve never regretted moving back home more than i do right now#lj.txt
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My birthday is Monday and I’m having a sleepover with my best friend this weekend and despite the fact that it’s just going to be me, her, and her fiancé (also my friend), they have an entire theme for my birthday with decorations and stuff I’m literally going to cry. The best part? I literally think it’s vampire themed bc my friends know and love me 😭❤️
#the last time anyone did anything for ym birthday was when my mom threw me a Peter Pan themed bday in like 2018 or something#I’ve always hated my birthday bc it always gets overlooked and nobody tends to care#my father and sibling have forgotten to say happy birthday to me multiple years in a row before#my bar for my birthday is so low and I’m pretty sure my two best friends are throwing me a vampire themed birthday#with creative on theme mixed drinks and I’m going to cry I love my friends they know me#I haven’t even seen what they’ve done for me but I already know this is the most effort anyone has ever put in for my birthday#and I’m really emotional about it it already#camshitposts#I love my friends so much#this is also like my first birthday as a boy as Me and that’s so crazy and I’m so excited
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OOO O OOOO OOO I GOT A REALLY GOOD PIRATE AU FIC IDEA THIS MORNING
#hehe :)#idk if i’ll start it right away because i do still have prophecy i gotta work on#not that i cant handle running multiple fics at a time- I’ve certainly done it before
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i was at the foot doctor earlier and got a steroid shot in my toe that i broke last summer because of inflammation and pain and the doctor was like, “it may sting a bit please don’t kick me.” and i was perfectly fine i didn’t even move. and when she was done she was surprised and said, “you did a a lot better then most of my patients.” and i said, “well i’ve been stabbed a lot.” 🤦🏼
#i’m a chronically ill person i’ve had a lot of blood work done and shit especially because my veins are really hard to see and so everytime#i get blood work they have to try multiple times before they get blood#my sister is also chronically ill but is terrified of needles and would have kicked her actually she wouldn’t have even gone for it#rey actually speaks#needles mention
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thought i should share this silly little thing of my eng project i’m working on here!! it’s obviously going to be unserious (again)
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#☁️ lume speaks#i don’t havr school today so i’m actually using my time wisely to be productive#i’m even adding the ego rock song in this project too bc it kinda represents transcendentalism#<- that’s the topic of my eng project#i used a vocaloid song for a previous eng project and i got a 100 on it :33#there’s a lot more to do on this project there’s multiple parts and i’ve done like three out of what.. seven? i forgor#either way i’m having a FIELD DAY with this#i ate breakfast took out the trash did the dishes and now i’m r e a d y#spending the whole morning on this before i go outside tonight
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cannot even begin to describe how insane this song goes. one of the all time greats fr
#dude. this may sound out of left field but you had to be there. i miss the reddie baseball au i read in april 2020#the worst part is i never finished it because i fell off reading it before the author was done updating#i’ve tried multiple times to restart it and truly get it done but it’s never happened#it’s very long i kept getting distracted#Spotify
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Sent my brother a TikTok the other day he responded with this
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#for reference my brother apparently smoked weed in like middle school and still smokes weed#I have never had weed before in my life#one of my friends unknowingly ate an edible once though#some random dude gave his friend a random rice krispy treat that they split with my friend#that day was fun#and also one of the stupidest decisions I’ve ever heard#although ngl I would’ve done the same I am a gremlin for food#also one of my other friends just sits with this group of stoners at lunch#she has accidentally gotten hotboxed multiple times#said friend also knows the kid who accidentally caught the school on fire with a blunt#<-dont question this weirder things have happened at my school#I’m rambling so hard right now#my theory is that while high I would either morph into the most annoying person ever or just be the most quiet I’ve ever been#madurday night live
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✌🏻
#so for my job I have to go to a lot of crime scenes and talk with witnesses blah blah blah a lot of the time it’s in an unsafe area and I#I always try to do my job in a safe way managing the different factors like timing but I always get the work done#so much so that last week I was asked to go canvas an area I had already been to to canvas five other times for a murder and had seen drug#deals and robbery and fights and all that go on while I was there#and I brought up that it wasn’t a good time for us to be there we weren’t safe at that time and I was told I needed to suck it up and do#what was needed for the case#flash forward to a few minutes ago my supervisor came to talk to me about another case#for a murder that I had previously talked about being upset about because I had walked by the place it happened 20 minutes before the murder#and was told that it doesn’t bother anyone else and basically to suck it up#so for this case the attorney had gone to my supervisor and told him that she thinks I’m ineffective at my job and she believes I’m afraid#to go out on the scene for investigative work because I’m a white girl#and my supervisor came to tell me that he’s going to be working with me on my cases for the time being to go out into the field and locate#witnesses and so on to show her that it doesn’t bother me and I’m not afraid#which like honestly all around this is fucking ridiculous I have done this job for nearly two years I have gone to the#site of multiple murders I have gone to witnesses addresses#I have been inside victims homes to talk with them all of this all alone#and honestly that attorney is a fucking bitch who has humiliated me for having feelings about cases before so it’s infuriating but hardly#surprising but the fact that my supervisor thought this was a legit enough concern to now go with me on my cases and go through all the#steps I’ve done and everything I just feel so disrespected and not valued#last week I took last minute leave because the cases were bothering me too much and everyone was telling me I needed to get over it and it#doesn’t bother them which like sorry but I feel like having to see someone’s brains on the pavement is upsetting#and it feels like I’m being edged out because I have human feelings about our cases#even though I have done this work and done it well for two years#I’m just really sad and angry about it
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I was just stopping by to ask if you were okay 👀
short answer: my dude i am never okay 👍 long answer: well i am constantly paranoid over the inevitability of death and i recently found out just last night that apparently i age regress when i am insanely stressed which has been an absolute mindfuck and i am constantly worried that i am going to go to sleep one night and simply not wake up so FUCK IT WE BALL ‼️‼️‼️
#whiskey yelling into the void#IT HAS BEEN A FUCKY FEW WEEKS MY GUY LEMME FUCKIN TELL U#i’m sure i’m fine it’s just my brain being stupid but FUCKKKK DUDE WHAT IF I’M NOT#i’m so scared that i’m going to die that i’ve written myself a makeshift will in my journal and i’m leaving it open on my bed just in case#which is something i have done multiple times before in cases such as this#i’m pretty sure that’s not healthy#i. need to talk to my therapist
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my manager is lucky i’m feeling really spiritually fulfilled and calm and at peace rn or i’d be inclined to tell her to go fuck herself
#sent a screenshot of her latest comment to a work friend on my team#who agrees that it was completely unnecessary and made no sense#every comment my manager has made on my questions to the admins in teams has been like an obnoxious pop-up tutorial window in a video game#i’ve been doing this for over three years now and i’ve been told by multiple people who ACTUALLY work with me that i’m good at my job#and she responds like ‘sweatie…have you considered using your resources?’#i did. i listed the ones i’d checked if you’d bothered to read what i actually wrote#this is the third time she’s done this in less than a week#most recent question was making sure i’m on the same page as the admin in interpreting the complaint before i dig into the TWO HOUR call#since the way i document would be affected#she responded ‘did you listen to the call? did the agent provide accurate information?’#apparently she’s not doing it to everyone either#what is her problem#my posts#work adventures#(i’m genuinely not anxious about it. i’m just like ‘ah. you are motherfucker?’)
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#Well I just had an unfortunate experience with my (now former for reasons that will become clear) dentist office#Apparently my insurance plan through my dad expired on December 31st and the dentist didn’t bother telling us before I had my cleaning and#x-rays done. Despite us ASKING THEM MULTIPLE TIMES if I was still on my dad’s plan#Instead I got a phone call today saying that the insurance wasn’t working since I had a filling scheduled for Wednesday#I mean at least they checked before THAT.#But even though I canceled that appointment I a) still have a cavity that needs to be filled#And b) now have to pay 185 fricken dollars for the X-ray and cleaning that I hadn’t anticipated#Luckily I do have the money so it’s not going to bankrupt me or really affect me too badly#But I also have other unexpected expenses that I have to pay for and all of that adds up fast#And I bought some frivolous things recently that I wouldn’t have had I known about these unexpected expenses#The only good thing is that I got a promotion at work recently but I don’t know when that starts#And it will give me prolly only like… ¢50 more an hour since I already get paid a decent wage in my current position#Unless they’re actually fair with the wage increase but I would doubt it#I also might be getting another promotion as a counselor at my job but that wouldn’t be until AT LEAST next school year#IF they can find the funding for it#And even then I’m positive they’d only take me on for like… $36000 a year since I said I’d accept that#It’s not nearly what I’m worth but I’m hoping that if I do it at a lowered rate they’ll be more inclined to go up later on#And if not then at least I’ll have experience to get a somewhat better school counseling job than if I had no experience#Honestly $36000 would seem like an obscene amount of money considering I got only $18000 after taxes last year#Thank god my grandpa pays for my family’s rent so I don’t have to worry about that#But my grandma is sick now so he has to pay for her care and can’t afford to help my family as much#Which is fair since he has paid for our rent and most of the bills for decades#(My mom is disabled and my dad is her caretaker. My grandpa pays for her care willingly since my dad is pretty much her full time caretaker#and can’t get a full time job even if he wanted. And since I still live at home I get that benefit at least.)#All of this to say that things are Not Great right now. -.-#I really hope my job accepts me as a counselor for next year. I really do… While the pay wouldn’t be great#It at least would be an improvement. And it beats trying to find another counseling job that could be absolute chaos the first year#I’ve been told multiple times that the first year is the hardest. If I can circumvent that a little by working at an after school program#That would be preferable. Plus the hours would be much better#Anyway I reached 30 tags apparently so I’ll be done now. Ugh. Thanks for reading y’all.
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Hey, look at me. Look at me. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: you need to condition yourself to being okay with being inconvenienced by things. The first time I spoke about this I meant it in a mental health way- it is good to go out to the store and see people versus just ordering alone at home- but there is another more pressing societal issue you should be more concerned about as well.
Any service you rely on for convenience can be weaponized against you the moment you begin to rely on it. Streaming used to be a cheap and convenient way to see movies at home. It is now exorbitantly expensive, you need multiple accounts just to get what you want, and any of those movies can be taken from you at any time. And unless you have gotten used to going through the “inconvenience” of owning physical media, you can do nothing about it. Same goes for buying things on Amazon. Same goes for any service like DoorDash etc. These companies WANT you to be reliant on them for convenience so they can do whatever they want to you because, well, what else are you gonna do?
Same thing goes for the uptick in AI. If you train yourself to become reliant on AI for doing basic things, you will be taken advantage of. It is only a matter of a couple years before there are no free AI services. Not only that, but in the usage of AI’s case, it is robbing you of valuable skills that you need to curate that you will be helpless without the moment the AI companies drive in the knife the way they have done with streaming. Delivery. Cable. Internet. Etc. It will happen to AI too. And if you are not practicing skills such as. Writing. You are not only going to be at the mercy of AI companies in the digital world, but you are going to be extremely easy to take advantage of in real life too.
I am begging you to let go of learned helplessness. I am begging you to stop letting these companies TEACH you helplessness. Do something like learn to pirate. It is way more inconvenient at the beginning, but once you know how, it is one less way companies can take advantage of you. Garden. Go to the thrift store (older clothes hold up better anyway). These things take more time and effort, yes, but using time and effort are muscles you need to stretch to keep yourself from being flattened under the weight of our capitalist hellscape.
Inconvenience yourself. Please. Start with only the ways you are able. Do a little bit at a time. But do something.
#obviously if you need a service for like#an ability reason#this post is not about that#then you find some other way to not let these asses take advantage of you
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