#I keep playing him despite doing HORRIBLE because he is my son and I love him

[noodles-in-the-sink]

Trying so hard to learn how to play Prisoner by doing nothing aside from trial and error… I’m doing so horrible that I’ve had to use the default costume, so that people think I’m new

[weasleyreidstyles]

Serendipity Headcannons; Mattheo Riddle

series masterlist

A glimpse into our main boy's life leading up to sixth year (where Serendipity kicks off) – eventually going to do them for each character (the ones who are a constant in the series), except meadow since that's more reader-centric but let me know who i should do next (this is me putting off writing chapter 17 because its making me want to rip out my hair)

It actually ended up being so long (i got carried away) that i'll have to do a separate post for the nsfw😏 hcs that i also wrote down - if that's something that people want to see of course

warning(s): cannonical violence, mentions of parental death, menions of torture and abuse (tried to make this as mild as possible), allusions to self harm (literally one bullet point), mentions of blood supremacy/cannonical pureblood madness, mentions of alcohol consumption/drug use, mentions of being sick (sorry fellow emetaphobes), allusions to an ED

Obviously he's Voldemort's son (its a known fact; when his name was called shortly after Harry's during the Sorting Ceremony, people immediately began to fear him for his last name – avoided him in corridors and older students were horrible to him)

His mother died when he was born, so he never got to meet her. But she had loved Tom Riddle with all her heart, despite knowing what kind of person he was (I like the tom hughes fancast for an older version of him – TikTok editors have me influenced)

When he failed to kill baby Harry, Theodore Nott's mum took it upon herself to care for Mattheo (who was only several months older than Harry at the time) – she was close friends with Matt's mum

They may not be related by blood, but Matt considers Theo to be his brother as well as his best friend

Mattheo's childhood (up until he was eight) was relatively acquiescent, but obviously being the heir to the Dark Lord comes with its own traumas – he was plagued with nightmares he swears were real conversations with his father

When Theo's mum died, his father wasn't the nicest to either of the boys; they both grew to resent him – the man either ignored them, shouted at them or beat them senselessly (to build character)

They had a Governess in the years after Theo's mum died, so that they'd be well ahead of their peers once they got to Hogwarts - also a way to keep them out of Theo Nott Senior's way

During his sorting, the hat immediately placed him in Slytherin, but it wasn't as quick to choose, like it was with Draco or Blaise.

Harry had unconsciously made him public enemy number one when he found out who he was (I mean his dad did kill Harry's parents so) as well as Draco and co

Mattheo doesn't believe in the blood supremacy that is spouted around pureblood families – has never used 'mudblood' to insult anyone (draco take notes fr) – but thats only due to theo's mother and the way she raised her boys – also it would be so hypocritical because he's a halfblood (i think, idk the twisted lore of purebloods too deeply)

Professor Quirrell took a particular interest towards Mattheo (his dad was literally playing house on the back of the guys head)

He found out that Quirrell was Voldemort (?) pretty quickly when the Dark Mark was burned onto his left forearm – something that continuously happened in his nightmares so he thought he was in one when it happened

Partly why he didn't say anything – he was also weary that no one would believe him

He tried everything to get it off his skin – burning, scratching, spelling, even carving it out, but nothing worked. The Dark Mark was engraved onto his arm like it had buried itself within the very cell structure of his skin

He didn't gain as much attention as Harry did in first year. He went practically under the rader after the first couple of months, only interacting with his small group of friends (Theo, Draco, Blaise, Enzo and Pansy) and competing for the top academic spot in class – when Theo's father found out that both boys were being beaten for first place by a muggleborn (go Hermione!), he used the cruciatus curse on both of them - moreso on Theo :(

Second year was a completely different story however

When the Chamber of Secrets opened, people whispered that he could be the heir of Slytherin (because his father is literally Voldemort so technically they weren't wrong) and he didn't go as unnoticed as before

He developed a thick skin towards the insults and returned them with steely looks that sent people scurrying the other way

He began physically fighting some people when his restraint snapped at times though – he didn't have a way to relieve the tension from all the agression at this point

The only people who spoke to him with no fear were his friends

When the first student was petrified, he was brought into Dumbledore's office for questioning

During the dueling session, he watched in awe as Harry spoke to the snake but didn't dare say a word

He was the only one in his group that didn't bad mouth Harry at this time or call him the 'heir of Slytherin'

He's actually really smart (not at Ancient Runes though lol) and is among one of Professor Flitwick's favourite students

When Harry and Ron posed as Crabbe and Goyle you (Meadow) had posed as Pansy and he had thought it was strange to see her with the two of them, but she had a small crush on Draco in first and second year so he brushed it off as her trying to impress his friend

But he knew it wasn't her when Draco had mentioned Hermione (calling her a mudblood) and 'Pansy' had gone deathly still

He's been skilled at Occlimency for as long as he can remember, as has Theo. But Mattheo has a certain affinity (he calls it a curse) for hearing people thoughts without even uttering the spell – also why he's so good at preventing people like Dumbledore from using it on him

Wasn't aware of his father's diary being used to lure Harry to the Chamber of Secrets, but at one point he heard the whispers in the pipes and vehemently ignored it until it eventually stopped (big mistake, cus voldy holds grudges very well)

Once Ginny was rescued from the Chamber, he felt incredibly guilty even though he literally had no control of the situation – sent her an 'anonymous' gift basket as an apology (he knew it would never make up for what happened to her, but he hoped it would at least make her smile) – it did, she thought it was a gift from dumbledore though

One of the only times he was even a little kind to the Golden Trio and their friends

The summer after second year was hellish for him and Theo

The basilisk was obviously meant to kill Harry so Theo Nott Senior was angry that his master's big plan had failed (2 years running🤝)

Third year was more mild than the last (thank God, honestly)

Mattheo had made it onto the quidditch team now that half of them had left the year before

He's a beater and proud of it – lets out all that pent up agression on the field, which makes him one of the best in his house (dare i say whole school🤭)

Quidditch became his whole personality basically (he's a teenage boy duh – it's like the football obsessed idiots in the pub levels) and he came to love the attention it brought him – he was starting to be noticed by girls outside Slytherin and making enemies with the rival players

He decided then that he wanted to play quidditch professionally in the future – he would not be caught dead behind a desk in the Ministry (they probably wouldn't hire hom anyway, simply because he's a Riddle)

Because he was on the team, he was invited to more parties which he also enjoyed – the man can drink!

But he wasn't one to jump around like a madman like some people he saw at the parties. He and his friends (those on the team – Theo, Blaise and Draco) would sit around the sofas and play drinking games with others who were sat down – including you and some of your housemates at times – but never the Gryffindors

Sirius Black was on the loose which took the pressure of being Tom Riddle's son off his shoulders somewhat – no one actually dared to fuck with Mattheo now that he was a beater either

Buckbeak took a liking to him, surprisingly, as did the thestrals that only he, Theo and so few others could see

The dementors affected him as much as they affected Harry – he could hear his own mother's cries

During the boggart lesson, he was apprehensive of what he would see – would he see what he sees in his most horrifying nightmares? Or would it be something as trivial as a grindilow or something?

Safe to say he was glad that Professor Lupin stopped the lesson after Harry's turned into the dementor

Speaking of dementors, one of the only spells he cannot cast is the Patronus Charm – even his happiest memories are not strong enough to envoke the magic

People thought he helped Sirius into the castle at one point (absurd, i know)

He and Harry got into some arguments at times – Mattheo liked to provoke him for the fun of it, mostly so that competition on the quidditch field was filled with extra tension, but also because Harry and Ron are dickheads who like to talk shit about him and his friends (hypocrites because the Slytherins literally do the same thing lol)

This is the point where you're on his radar a bit more frequently – you, Ron and Hermione went to Hogsmeade a lot and were frequently in the same places as Mattheo and his friends

He does not like you at all, partly for the fact that you follow Harry and Dumbledore so blindly but also – you are one of the reasons he and theo get so much stick at home, along with hermione being top of the class, you are as well so he grows to resent you a little

He's always there when you're yelling at anyone who says something against your friends (usually Crabbe or Goyle – our mortal enemies fr)

When Sirius escaped the dementors people genuinely thought he helped (again, absurd i know)

Moving onto fourth year...he went to the Quidditch World Cup with Theo and Nott Senior disappeared after the match ended and festivities began

We all know what happened but when the Dark Mark appeared in the sky, Theo, Draco and Mattheo all looked at it in absolute horror, having heard the harrowing stories first hand from their families

Mattheo had a panic attack at the thought of his father returning – after the run in with him in first year, he's been certain that Voldemort isn't really dead, and this confirms it for him (because why the fuck would his father's mark appear out of nowhere?)

Because of that, the school year is off to a great start

He gets into fights left, right and centre – especially since quidditch has been cancelled in favour of hosting the Triwizard Tournament (i've obviously aged up the characters but lets pretend the age limit still exists in some capacity)

The Durmstrang students practically worshipped the ground he walked on – which was ego boosting to start with, but Mattheo quickly grew irritated by their constant infatuation with him – especially Karkaroff who always compared him to the great Tom Riddle or the 'Dark Lord' interchangeably

Whenever Professor Moody stared at him for too long, he got an odd sensation on his left forearm, where the mark sits, like spiders were scurrying and crawling around – he decides after the very first DADA lesson (unforgivable curses) that he did not like this professor.

There was just something off about him, but Mattheo couldn't quite figure out what – foolishly tried Occlimency but obviously it didn't work on the most infamous auror

Wasn't even surprised when Harry's name came out of the Goblet – he is coined 'Saint Potter' by the friendgroup (started of course by Draco)

He and Theo snuck out to the forbidden forest to see the dragons up close before the first task – almost got caught by Charlie Weasley, had Hagrid and Harry not showed up with Madame Maxine mere moments before he could spot them

He took a random girl from Beauxbatons to the Yule Ball because he did not want to deal with the hassle of Hogwarts gossip – but everyone gossiped about it anyway (busybodies)

Rumours went around about the two of them (you know like how Snape caught two people in the carriage🤭)

At this point, you were just his arch nemesis' best friend so you were not fully on his radar past sneering comments and jibes, but a small part of him can admit that you looked beautiful in your glittering dress (think Feyre starfall dress vibes)

The rest of the year went by uneventfully – he got on with his school work and remained one of the top of class except in Ancient Runes which theo tried to tutor him in....unsuccessfully

In the months leading up to the third task, Mattheo noticed Moody's skittish behaviour (also Karkaroff and weirdly...Snape) especially after Crouch was found murdered in the Forbidden Forest after the second task

On the day of the first task, he had the worst gut feeling he's ever felt – bigger than the day he found out that his surrogate mother had died

Sitting in the stands with his friends, near the back of the stadium, his arm begins to burn so painfully that he has to fight physically crying out at the crippling pain (Voldemort just got resurrected as a noseless alien)

Excuses himself to his friends' utter confusion and concern – Theo stops Pansy from running after him, letting him have space, somehow just knowing what Matt's sudden departure meant (he saw Mattheo cradle his left arm while he walked away)

Just before Mattheo walks through the exit, Harry apparates back with the trophy (portkey) and Cedric's dead body beneath him screaming that "Voldemort's back!"

He couldn't hold back the contents of his stomach at the statement because he knew it was true. He just knew it deep in his bones.

He had to hide behind the bleachers of the quidditch pitch while everyone was stampeding to leave, where he just sobbed and sobbed because he knew then what his future would be.

Theo found him an hour later and together they mourned for the future Mattheo had desperately always wanted

That summer was the worst he's ever experienced to date.

He met this snake-like version of his father, his only other memories being of a handsome man (Tom Hughes vibes) not whatever this thing was.

His father thanked Theo Nott Senior personally for taking such good care of his heir – this was such an ego boost for that horrid man

Mattheo was tortured into the perfect soldier that summer – tasked with training other Slytherins/purebloods into the regime

Its not very discernable but if his hands are still for long enough, they begin to shake unconsciously due to just how many times Voldemort used the cruciatus curse on him

His nightmares had become a reality that summer – he no longer slept, and only ate when Draco had to force him to

There was one silver lining at least

No one believed Harry Potter.

So Voldemort's army grew exponentially in secret, as did their knowledge of certain prophecies

We know that Professor Trelawney had the vision but Voldemort has a seer of his own – who made him aware of the order being in possession of a siphon but not able to say who it is (its meadow of course🤪🤪🤪)

His fifth year marked the start of the war, even if the otherside didn't know it just yet

At school, Harry started many explosive arguments with him, that he admittedly fed into a little bit out of pure amusement

His stoic facade was ever present this year. Not an expression painted his handsome face in the public eye. Rarely did anyone catch a glimmer of joy in those onyx eyes.

It was around this time, when he discovered that Harry was being taught Occlimency that you were doing some studying of your own

He heard the soft whisper of your thoughts in his head – a pleasant sound – mumbling little bits and pieces about the art, as if you were revising them over and over like a broken record

He knew you were Theo's patrol partner because Theo would not stop complaining about having to deal with one of Saint Potter's loyal followers (the two of you did not speak for 5 whole patrol sessions – lets say between September and November)

Thats when the idea sprang

Admittedly it started out as a way to satisfy his curiosity

He wanted to know why you were learning Occlimency and actually doing surprisingly well, despite not having someone to actively practice it on/with you, while Potter was not taking it seriously at all

So he asked Theo to try and befriend you – when asked why, he explained that he was curious and wanted to know if he hunch he had was right – his gut feelings are almost never wrong

Theo begins his task of slowly befriending you and relaying anything remotely important to Mattheo – no progress at first, until the two of you happen to bond over your hatred for the new DADA professor

He joins the Inquisitorial Squad because Theo's father wanted him to, and by extension said that the Dark Lord wanted his son to set an example too (lets not forget, in his prime Tom was literally the smartest in the school – was definitely head boy as well as an academic weapon)

This is how he finds out what Umbridge's detentions truly entailed

Speaking of Umbridge (she deserves her own tw actually), she had shown particular favouritism towards Mattheo and his friends, to anyone who was against Harry, really – never gave them detentions and let them off easily, even defended Mattheo's honour against Harry's 'heinous' accusations

But back to the detentions – both he and Theo found out about the blood quill around the same time

He was waiting for Theo to finish patrols so they could go smoke in the Astronomy Tower, when he overheard Umbridge talking to the two of you

Well actually she was talking to you – because apparently it was now against the rules for prefects to walk around past curfew (even though thats their literal role?) and she gave you a detention for it

When you asked why in Merlin's name Theo wasn't being treated the same, she said it's because he's on the Inquisitorial Squad and was therefore exempt from her detentions

You had detention the next day and did not show up to your next few patrols, but Mattheo saw the hints of a glamour covering your non-dominant hand (he would know because he's had a glamour over his scarred forearm for years)

Theo told him that you refused to admit that something was wrong - you hadn't even told your friends about whatever was bothering you

They found out by chance – a first year that had gotten lost was cradling their hand and the boys saw the words of the boy's own scrawl etched harshly into the flesh of his hand

When Matt was observing you in the library one day (happenstance, he's not a stalker lol), he was deducing how far along you were with Occlimency but found that you winced and held your head when he actively tried to enter your mind – not good for how long you'd been teaching yourself the art

So he gets Theo to talk to you mentally and the first time it happens is actually comical – you drop the contents of your potions incredients onto the floor out of shock before you whack Theo across the head with your hardbacked potions textbook

That's really how the two of you became friends, your friendship with Pansy following soon after

Now you're slowly building up the tolerance for Occlimency with a little help from a friend

Leading up to Christmas, the mark burns wickedly against his skin at all hours of the day

Then Arthur Weasley is attacked and Mattheo is surprised that no Weasley has come to deck him in the face for simply being Voldemort's son

Obviously no one does because everyone (barring you and Hermione) have been swept away to 12 Grimmauld Place

After Christmas he does get decked – George sends a bludger his way that most definitely had the power to break his entire arm (and definitely a few ribs); after the abysmal Christmas break he's had, he's almost tempted to let it happen – but his beater instincts kick in and he's pelting the bludger and all its momentous energy towards one of Gryffindor's chasers instead

His Dark Mark burns every time his father fails to retrieve his and Harry's prophecy

He begins to suspect that you are the siphoner when you perform wandless magic like its a second nature during breakfast one morning (you're using your magic to flip through the pages of your book, while you leisurely sip coffee, probably awaiting Granger's arrival)

His suspicions are more than confirmed when your magic seems to literally pulse like your pulling more of it from the air – it's almost indiscernible, but if he paid attention, he could see the symphonic ripple of your magic and the Great Hall's magic mingling in the air (and he knows Dumbledore can see it too)

He explains this to Theo without telling him so much that'll get him involved with what knowing this will mean for his brother

He passes all his O.W.Ls with a plethora Outstanding and Exceeds Expectations grades, except for Ancient Runes where he gets a mere Acceptable (which somehow still allows him to retake the class in his N.E.W.Ts options, funnily enough)

What's not funny is Voldemort's reaction to this anomaly of a result :(

Lets rewind to june 18th (aka battle of department of mysteries; RIP Sirius Black you icon, you legend)

The DA have just been busted (like two weeks/a week prior to the date above) and you're all in detention writing out the line "I must not disobey the Ministry" over and over again – to the point where it has become a permanent scar that you see everyday

Exams are happening and Harry has just been delivered a vision by Voldemort (he just passed out in a DADA exam🫣)

Saint Potter and his band of followers try to break into Umbrige's office and fail exponentially

The Inquisitorial Squad catch you all in the act of guarding the corridor outside her office while Harry, Ron and Hermione try and contact Sirius

You're all trapped in the office and everyone (including the Inquisitorial Squad) is shocked when she goes to cast the cruciatus on Potter – internally Matt is cringing and fighting the instinctive flinch

"You can't do that! It's illegal!" Your defence of harry is ignored as Umbridge puts Fudge picture face down – Matt swears your eyes burn a violent indigo, but it's gone in a blink

Hermione and Harry end up taking her to where 'Dumbledore's secret weapon' is and you lot are now all stuck with the Inquisitorial Squad

Theo actually only holds you loosely, and he's the same with Ginny – not forcefully holding her, but also not allowing her to break free at the same time

Crabbe and Goyle take Ron's bate and eat the Puking Pastilles from the Weasley twins' personal collection and you all escape

Then the battle eventually takes place and everyone knows that Voldemort truly has returned

Now onto the current timeline of Serendipity!!

Mattheo decides over summer that he wants to help the otherside desperately

Especially because Draco is now a Death Eater

And Enzo and Theo are set to become Death Eaters the following Christmas – punishment for what happened during the battle in June

Proposes the idea that he teach you Occlimency in exchange for you helping them get out – the group agrees and Theo and Pansy set out to persude you to help

Roll on the Serendipity plot where he slowly begins to actually care about you (scary feelings; unknown territory)

He's never felt this strongly about someone before, not in the way he feels about you

At first he enjoyed how infuriated you became with him; he also despised how many questions you would ask (but that was your nature and he grew accustomed to it)

You're the only one whose ever called him Théo, after the death of Theo's mother, the name was as good as dead to him, until you started calling him it – he never wanted you to stop

The feelings you invoke in him are what finally allow him to produce a full patronus – when the majestic form of a Hippogriff bursts from the tip of his wand, swirling and spiralling at the thought of you, he let out a genuine laugh

He's so soft for you – his persona changes in the blink of an eye at times – from cruel and brooding to gentle and compassionate

His friends have never seen him happier – admittedly were surprised to learn of your relationship, but when they watched the way the two of you interacted after you'd become a pariah to your old friends, they understood.

Mattheo is so protective of all his friends, and somehow he's even more protective of you – he had wanted to incinerate Harry and Ron on the spot for how they'd made you feel, but knew you would never forgive him for it, despite how badly they'd hurt you

He'd burn the world down if it meant you'd be safe, especially because you had the one power that his father desired to have in his ever growing arsenal

Mattheo always has to be touching you in some way (he's a physical touch kind of guy), whether that be a hand on your thigh when you're seated; an arm wrapped around you as you walk; interlocking pinkies, etc. He just loves feeling you near him.

You're such a typical Slytherin/Ravenclaw couple – your intellect amazing him all the time, and he's no longer miffed that you always beat him for a spot at the top in class – his ambitions and adamant loyalty are something that you admire dearly, and hold close to your heart

You both know without having to voice it that your love is unconditional and eternal. Its a love as rare as your magic.

~∞~

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@whatsupb18

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 45

Chapter 45 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Buck and Chris get swept up by the tsunami. Buck tries his best to keep Chris safe and sheltered from the worst of it, however, the receding tide still takes him. Buck has to find him again, he can’t lose Chris, can’t lose their son.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie

Warnings: insecurity, self loathing, injury, minor character death mention, near death experience

~~~

Chapter 45: Just Keep Swimming

A tsunami. Buck honestly isn’t sure why he didn’t expect it with how life has just been one disaster after another lately, but somehow this wasn’t on his planning this morning when he took Chris to the pier.

Sitting here on a fire engine from what he’s pretty sure is Bosko’s unit, surrounded by people he pulled from the water, he regrets not at least calling out a hi to her when he saw her on the pier earlier.

It felt too awkward to so then, since she is housing his husband and he at some point thought said husband was having an affair with her, but now he would kill for someone to know that they’re out here. It was such a spur of the moment thing that he didn’t mention it to anyone. They’re sitting ducks right now.

The only thing that is keeping him sane, is that Chris is right next to him.

He feels horrible about Chris being out here in this with him. If they’d just stayed home today, they wouldn’t have been in this mess. But no, Buck dragged Chris out to the pier, because he wanted to make right that Eddie has been driven away by something involving Buck. Now Chris just has another traumatic event to add to the list. And that’s his fault.

However, now is not the time to focus on how awful he feels, he needs to focus on Chris. Despite the terrible day he’s having, he’s being plenty cheerful. It’s very Chris, and Buck is glad life hasn’t crushed his spirit yet as they play I Spy together.

If the circumstances were different, he might have paid more attention to the other people he pulled from the water. However, no one appeared seriously injured, so as long as that stays the same, he forgives himself for not having the best bedside manners right now.

He’s off the clock anyway and not even officially a firefighter again, he can be forgiven for wanting to focus on his own kid. He did enough already by leaving him alone on the fire engine to pull everyone else out the water. Buck is a firefighter in his heart, so that went without saying, but he’s too tired to divide his attention between everyone else and Chris. Paramedic has always been more Hen or Chimney’s, or even Eddie’s job.

“Okay, I spy with my little eye, something that…” Buck looks to see what he can find. “Moves people around.”

Chris peers around quite adorably at the debris that is floating by to see what Buck is spying. “Oh, a scooter,” Chris realizes quickly, spotting what Buck had spied.

“Ah, yeah, nice one,” Buck says, having hoped it would be a little more difficult to find. He wants to be able to drag this game out as long as he can, so Chris has something to focus on other than the fact that they’re stuck on a fire engine while waiting for rescue or until the water goes down. But he can’t get disheartened yet, so he nudges Chris and prompts: “Okay, genius, your turn.”

“I spy,” Chris looks around much like Buck had a few seconds ago, “a shopping cart.”

“What? No, come on. Hey, that’s not how the game works. You can’t just yell stuff out,” Buck tells him.

“But, papi, yelling stuff out is the fun part!” Chris yells loudly, big grin on his face.

Buck’s heart just bursts with affection. He loves this kid so goddamn much and he is so grateful to the universe that it let him have this, even if it might not be forever, he gets to be here now. He pulls Chris into a side hug, leaning his cheek against Chris’s wet curls as he says: “You amaze me, buddy.”

“Why?”

“I know you’ve had a rough few weeks and you were pretty down yesterday. When I was a kid and I got bad news, I always got so mad, but you, after the day you had, here you are, with a big smile, busting a gut,” Buck chuckles. Then emotion overtakes him and the memory of the fear makes his voice waver. “You never gave up. Even when that water was rushing over you back there. You just kept on swimming.”

“Like Dory,” Chris says, referencing a movie they’d watched together a couple of times. Buck hadn’t even realized the words Dory sang so often had come out until Chris said that.

“Yeah, like Dory,” he smiles. “And not just today, you know, but every day. You never say no, you never complain.” It’s suddenly very important to Buck that Chris knows how impressed he is with him, that he thinks he’s the best, that he’s proud of him. “You’re such a good kid, Superman, and I keep being blown away by you. How do you do that? You didn’t get that from me, that’s for sure.”

Chris has a pleased look on his face as he explains: “Well, I complained once, but it didn’t work.”

Buck could point out that Chris complained more than once whenever it was early, but he still had to do PT or when he had to go to bed…

However, he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to do that, he doesn’t want to waste time that suddenly feels so limited correcting Chris, he wants to know him. Know him the best he can, hold as many pieces of this amazing kid in his heart. “So what did you do?”

“I just kept on swimming, papi. Like Dory,” Chris shrugs simply.

God, Chris is going to make Buck cry. He’s been trying so hard not to cry, to not let Chris see how scared he was and still is, how dangerous their situation is. Yet, here he is, nearly loosing that fight with himself because of Chris.

He’s witnessed the kid go through so much heartbreak. From Shannon leaving, to Eddie having to re-enlist, to Eddie getting seriously hurt, to uprooting his whole life to move here, to Buck getting hurt, to Eddie pulling away, to this. Buck doesn’t know where he gets the resilience. Eddie is stubborn sure, and so is Buck, and the fiery attitude Chris gets from Shannon, but this? It’s pure Chris.

It makes Buck want to hold Chris closer, hug him tightly and wish nothing else will happen to him, that nothing will ever break his spirit. But he doesn’t want to start acting weird, doesn’t want to worry Chris. So, he just pulls him a little closer to his side and takes a deep breath.

“Oh my god, look over there,” a man exclaims, pulling Buck out of his thoughts as he tries to see what they’re talking about.

“Oh my god.” “Oh no.” Two women also exclaim their horror and Buck now sees why. It’s no longer just debris that is floating by, but a group of bodies.

Chris hasn’t seen the bodies yet and Buck needs to make sure he never will. He could never live with himself if he let Chris see that. Nor could Eddie. God, Eddie will probably be so pissed at Buck. He trusted Buck to look out for Chris, to take care of him when he couldn’t, but Buck only got him caught up into a literal disaster and now Chris might see his first corpse.

Moving quickly, he settles Chris sideways, doing a little swoop as he sits him down to make it seem playful as he cups Chris’s cheek to further guide his eyes away and says: “I- I spy with my little eye, something that is,” he looks around desperately, “high.”

Success. Chris looks up and away from the bodies, peering at the buildings surrounding them to find what Buck is spying, thankfully not yet bored of the game. “A street sign?” he guesses.

Buck looks over at the bodies to see where they are. Still too close for comfort. In fact, way too close in general. They’re right next to the engine, if Buck wanted to touch them, all he’d have to do is reach out his hand.

Despite not having picked anything as the object for I Spy, Buck shakes his head: “Uh, high- higher than that. Like, whoa…” to keep up the charade.

Chris guesses a window, a street light and a cloud, before the bodies have passed. When Buck finally reveals the answer was the air-conditioning unit in one of the windows, Chris huffs: “I don’t wanna play this game anymore.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Buck sighs in a manner that may be a bit too honest as he goes to sit next to Chris. His leg hurts like a motherfucker and he’s exhausted.

It seems to last forever until a rescue mission is set up, though logically he knows they’re probably already out there, getting through is just hard and organizing enough boats is rough. Still, he’d give a lot to see firefighters on the horizon. Especially the 118.

God, what he wouldn’t give to see the 118 right now. To have the most competent people he knows come to rescue them, so he knows this nightmare is behind him.

The 118 will have Eddie too. He wants to see Eddie so bad right now. The man will likely be angry with him for endangering Chris, but he’d at least be here with him. He’s missed him being by his side so much and even though he knows it will likely be his new reality soon, in this moment he’d give anything to have the fantasy of a them again. He needs the comfort, even when he won’t know what to do when he’ll get it.

“I don’t know what we’re gonna tell daddy,” he says, more to fill the silence and distract himself from his own thoughts than anything else. “You know, we don’t invite him one time and, uh, look what happens.”

He doesn’t know what he expected from Chris. Maybe a snippy comment, like Eddie sometimes does, or another blasé comment about their situation. Instead he gets a soft and honest: “You saved me. And you saved them.”

Buck looks over at the others that Chris indicated. They all look half-drowned and beaten up, but they’re alive. He makes eye contact with one of the women he pulled out early on and she smiles at him, the younger woman huddled next to her doing the same. Automatically he smiles back.

If he’s honest, he doesn’t think he did anything big, just did his job. However, Chris doesn’t think so. Chris thinks he saved them, that he’s a hero. The tears he managed to fight off return and he has to swallow to stop them from falling.

To deflect, he says: “No, we did that together. Me and you make a great team. Give me a high five,” as he holds up his hand. He means it too, he wouldn’t have made it through this without Chris right there next to him.

Chris high fives him as Buck continues: “I’m proud of you. Really,” because Chris needs to hear that. He pulls Chris into a hug, hoping that’ll make the message sink in more.

As Chris loops his arms around Buck in return, he says: “Thank you, papi.”

“No, thank you,” Buck whispers into Chris’s shoulder. It’s not the most eloquent thing he’s ever said, but it’ll have to do, because he can’t think of anything else to say.

The sounds of water rushing makes him pull back slightly from the hug so he can see what’s going on.

Indeed, the water that had been calm a second ago is now flowing again and it’s flowing fast, too fast. It’s shaking the fire engine and pulling the debris along to bash against the sides of their refuge that now seems more fragile than it should.

Buck immediately grips Chris tightly, as he shouts to the others: “Everybody get down! Get down and hold on! Hold on!”

Further up a shelter must have failed to withstand the wave, because there are calls for help coming from between the debris and when Buck looks up over the cabin of the fire engine, there are people getting dragged forwards by the water as they wave for help.

Torn, he looks between Chris and the people yelling for help. He should definitely go help them, but he should also definitely make sure Chris is okay.

In the end, helping the people wins out, Chris is already okay. The fire engine is holding up and a safe space to hide out on until this is over. Besides, Chris thinks he saved the people already on there, he can’t let him see him just sit and do nothing while people need help. It’s not in his nature and it’s not what he wants Chris to think of his papi.

So he tells Chris to hold on, then goes to lay over the roof of the front cabin, so he can hold out his hand for the people drifting towards them to grab.

He is just pulling up a man, when something rams into the engine, shaking it violently. He hears something that could be the start of ‘papi’ before there is a splash. The realization of what that could be washes over him and he turns around just in time to see Chris disappear into the waves.

In a wave of adrenaline, he pulls the man aboard, injuring his arm in the process, but he doesn’t care as he abandons any sort of rescuing mission he was aiding at the other side of the engine as he goes to scanning the water to find Chris, calling out: “Chris? Christopher! Christopher! No! Christopher! Christopher! CHRIS!”

There is no Christopher to call back.

Without hesitation, he dives into the water after him. The chances of managing to grab him again are very low and it’s a stupidly dangerous thing to do, but none of that even registers for Buck. His son needs him, he’s going to fucking get to him, danger be damned.

If Chris was difficult to spot from the engine, it’s downright impossible to find him in the chaos of the water. Buck’s screams keep getting cut off by the water invading his mouth and just keeping himself above the water is an exhausting task. He doesn’t know how he’s going to get to Chris when he finally does find him.

As it turns out, he never gets to find out. A cluster of debris rams into him, pushing all the air out of his lungs, before dragging him down under as his foot gets stuck. Helplessly he tugs at it, vision whiting out from the pain, since of course it has to be his bad leg.

Before he can drown, the debris cluster hits a building and so does Buck. It wrenches at his leg, making him pass out, but freeing him in the process.

Buck floats down towards the sea unconscious for another second, before hitting a street sign, which wakes him up again. He flails about and almost drowns a dozen more times, before he grabs onto what at one point was wind indicator, but is now a broken pole where debris congregates.

He looks around desperately for Chis, calling out his name, but there is no response nor sign from the kid anywhere.

The heavy feeling of defeat settles in his bones as he clings to that pole, sporadically getting hit by debris as slowly the water level goes down. No miracle happens. Chris doesn’t appear. He hits the ground with a sharp pain in his leg and Chris nowhere in sight.

Chris is gone.

He lost him.

Buck lost him.

How is he ever going to live with himself? How is he ever going to tell Eddie? Buck left Chris alone for a second to save someone he didn’t even know. He let Chris fall. He let Chris drown. Buck lost him. He lost their son.

And for what? To save some people he doesn’t know? When Maddie was kidnapped by Doug and in serious danger, he hesitated, because he wanted to come home to his family, preserve what he had. Yet, here he abandoned Chris, the one person he wanted to come home to, because he wouldn’t understand.

He abandoned Chris right in front of his face, left him behind with nothing more than a ‘hold on’ while he focused on someone else. What kind of person is he? What does it say about him that he would abandon his sister for himself and his son for a stranger?

How will he ever look Eddie in the eye and tell him their son died, because Buck was playing the hero?

Buck isn’t on the clock right now, is still on medical leave. He’s a firefighter, sure, but he isn’t coming in after the fact to help with the rescue like those that are out there right now. He was hit by that wave, in the thick of the disaster. He’s a victim here, someone to be saved. He didn’t need to help anyone.

He should have left all those people behind to die. He should have held Chris as tightly as he could and never let him go, no matter what was happening around them.

‘You saved me. And you saved them.’

Chris’s words from before echo through his mind and he lifts his head to the sky to keep the tears in. He didn’t save anyone, especially not Chris. But it is how Chris sees him. He saves people. It’s why he couldn’t have abandoned anyone.

Because Buck is Buck and Buck saves people. He can still remember Chris bragging to his grandparents how his papi and daddy are heroes. How could he disappoint him by leaving those people when Chris was already safe beside him?

Chris was safe.

He was supposed to be safe.

Buck was supposed to keep him safe, but he failed. He failed and he has to fix this.

Determination comes over him and he uses the pole to steady himself. His ribs are bruised, maybe even broken and he has a headache like no other, not to mention his leg hurting almost worse than when he first got the injury. However, none of that matters, he has a mission to complete. He has to find Chris.

There is nothing else for him to worry about now. He is going to find Chris even if it kills him and he’s going to bring him home. He’s going to face Eddie with an alive Chris. He refuses to face an alternate reality.

Eddie is probably out there somewhere, helping people. That is his job. Eddie is out there as a firefighter, Buck is out here as a father. It’s his job to find Chris. They’ve always shared the responsibility, passed it back and forth to make it manageable. Right now, Buck holds the responsibility. He won’t fuck that up. Buck fixes things, he can fix this too.

It doesn’t matter that Eddie has been pulling away recently, that he’s figuring himself out. The two of them are still a unit as they’ve always been. Just because Eddie is going to leave Buck, doesn’t mean that their little family is gone entirely. They still have each other’s back out in the field, so Buck needs to have his back.

Buck will always be connected to Eddie through Chris. Eddie trusts him with Chris’s safety, trusts him to watch him while Eddie takes the space he needs. Just like Buck trusted him with Chris when he was chasing after Maddie or in the hospital.

Of course he’ll always love Eddie, he loves him so fucking much, but Chris was the first Diaz that stole his heart, albeit in a different way.

Eddie feels like safety and home. He feels like a solid rock that Buck can always come back to and be met with open arms. He knows Buck wholly and he never left. Not really. He had to enlist and recently he ran. However, he never left. He stayed close, he didn’t abandon him. Buck believes that somehow, sometime, they’ll come back to each other, even if it’s as nothing other than friends.

But Chris- Chris is his kid. His best friend, who amazes him every day. He loves Chris so much. Chris, who is so small, who has been entrusted to Buck, who he has nurtured and seen grow into such an amazing person. Chris is a piece of his soul, that is just walking around. Chris relies on him, looks at him for guidance, for comfort, for parenting. Buck will never take that for granted.

The thought is enough to propel him forward into action. He straightens himself up and looks around. The water pulled them back out to the sea, Chris was taken by the same tide as him, he probably washed up somewhere close to him. He just has to start searching, he’s bound to find Chris at some point.

It’s worse than having to find a needle in a haystack, but he ignores that part of reality. Thinking like that isn’t going to get him anywhere, isn’t going to fix this. Chris is still out there. He has to be.

Those first few steps he nearly buckles under the pain, but he has to keep moving. He doesn’t have time for pain and he knows he can keep pushing through. The human limit is much further than most people think, he’s seen people push through things much worse than a few bruises and a twisted ankle.

It’s a struggle at first. The water is still coming to his waist and slowly flowing back to the sea, so pushing against him. However, after a few near misses that send his heart beat skyrocketing, he gets into a rhythm.

Looking around, he sees that what is left of the pier is to his left and that the fire engine they took shelter on is also left from his position, even if it’s further inland. The water must have pulled him right, which means it pulled Chris right too.

He turns his back on both places and heads right.

Around him, more people are making their way through the disaster towards higher ground. Buck makes sure to take a good look at every person he passes, trying to see if he can catch sight of Chris, found by someone else. Safe.

No luck.

Turning onto a street, he hears someone yell: “Hey! There’s a kid under there.”

Immediately Buck is rushing to help. He hopes naively that it’s Chris, that it will be that easy. But he should have known better. Going off the shoes, he’s pretty sure it’s not Chris, but he isn’t going to let someone die. Especially not a kid. That’s someone’s child. He would want someone to save Chris too if they had the chance. Isn’t that what Hen said during the earthquake? This is no different.

He tells himself he’s not going to make detours to rescue people when he doesn’t have to, but this is basic human decency. Besides, with her free, he can stop the people she’s with, before they leave to ask them if they’ve seen Chris.

“Hey, hey, hey, excuse me,” he stops the group. “I’m looking for an eight-year-old boy. His name is Christopher. He’s always smiling, and he’s got CP, Cerebral Palsy. He’s got brown hair, yellow shirt.” He thinks about mentioning the glasses, but Chris probably lost them.

The surfer guy with long hair, thinks for a moment, then nods: “Yeah, yeah. I think I saw him.”

The feeling of hope, so fragile yet too big to contain his body is almost impossible to describe as he asks: “Where?”

“He was headed with a group that that cupcakery place,” surfer guy says. “I heard they’re handing out water.”

“Cupcakery? What is that?” Buck asks, needing more information so he can find Chris.

“You know, cupcake bakery. It’s about six or seven blocks south of here on Strand,” surfer guy explains.

While he is usually a fan of new tidbits of knowledge, right now he can’t give a single flying fuck about what a cupcakery is exactly. However surfer boy has given him workable information to go off with the address. “Thank you. Thank you.”

The girl is not the last person, he pulls out of the rubble on his search for Chris. And surfer guy is not the last person that gives him information on Chris that turns out to be nothing.

However, the disappointment never stops Buck. He has to keep going, keep searching, keep believing that Chris is alive and out there. That he just has to find him. That all he has to do is get to him and it’ll be okay.

A part of him can understand that it might be denial, but he doesn’t have space for anything else. If he lets himself think that, all the aches and pains he feels will pull him under and he can’t allow that to happen. He knows he’s injured, but he has to push through. For Chris.

Buck doesn’t give up. He can’t. Not until Chris is safe. He just has to keep swimming. Just has to fix this, even if it kills him. There is no other option, not for him, not when it comes to his son.

~~

A/N:

I’m sorry if you thought you’d find out what Eddie would do this chapter, it was a deception. Let’s cross our fingers Buck doesn’t die before someone can find him!

[wolfisblank]

I don't think I've seen anyone else talk about anything like this in regards to Reese's writing, so I wanted to throw my thoughts into the void. I'm a bit nervous to post this tbh, but here goes.

!! Full spoilers for Scarlet Hollow episode 4 !!

Part of the reason I like Reese as a character a lot, why he really clicked with me, is that we have a lot in common. "Chronically ill depressed artist who rarely leaves his house and has a difficult relationship with a parent who thinks they know better" could describe us both. But that's not why he clicked with me. He, and the mystery around him, intrigued me. But I didn't really become so attached to him until episode four.

And I think the reason why is that I have a heavily stigmatized mental illness. And because of that, the chapter 4 story really resonated with me.

Everyone around him panics, seeing him as a monster who's dangerous to everyone around him. In reality, despite his heightened emotions and his overreacting (perhaps even paranoid) state of mind, his mind is not monstrous. He's perfectly aware and coherent. He's able to clearly articulate that he's not dangerous, he doesn't want to hurt anyone else, and this is just about his mother. And he's not a threat to the main character, who he also views as someone in need of protection. He says it stops with her. We really don't have any reason to not believe him beyond being a monster. Especially considering that he's right, it does stop with her; the only other person he attacks is Wayne (in self-defense), and he immediately de-transforms after killing Dr. Kelly if it's done in front of the player. Even in the basement obedience route, where he's still transformed and in a much less regretful state of mind, he still calmly talks to the player about what he did, and leaves when Wayne shows up. But no one believes him. No one listens. Because of what he is, he's "inherently dangerous". And because of that he can't be trusted and has to be locked away for everyone else's safety. Or even killed, depending on the route. It resonated with me.

My main playthrough, my self-insert character, has Book Smart + Talk to Animals, so there is no Hot trait to save me here. When I first played chapter 4, I called Tabitha, as I am prone to do. And I was horrified that when the time came, it took away my choice to let Reese go free. It is the only tough choice in the game where I rewound and changed the outcome. Because I couldn't do that to him. I love Joan. She's a very interesting character, she's thoroughly humanized, and though what she did to her son was horrible and traumatic and life-ruining, I understand her. She's probably in my top 3 or top 5 favorite characters. But when I saw what Reese's situation was, what she had done to him, and what she was planning on continuing to do to him, I couldn't let her. Despite how much I liked her, I couldn't do that to him.

I'm lucky for my real life situation. But there's a world out there where that is me. There's a world out there where my parent found out about my "dangerous" (see: stigmatized) mental illness early on, when I was less good at hiding it, when they were my primary (and practically only) caregiver, and panicked. There's a world out there where some tough choices would have been made as a parent. Not to that extreme, but still, some real and potentially damaging choices. I stared into the maw of a creature who everyone called a monster for just being himself, who wanted to free himself from the person who planned to continue keeping him prisoner, and I thought who am I, of all people, to do that to him? Maybe one day she'll let him go free. She doesn't like keeping him there. I'd like to think she would. But if she has the right to make the tough call, then so do I, so does he. It's his life.

Anyway on a slightly lighter note... if Reese's situation is intended to be mental illness-coded, then I'm gonna throw my hat in the ring and say it's something schizo-spec. I'm not schizo-spec myself but I noticed some things in him that could be read that way and chatted about it a bit with a friend who is, who said she can see the angle. I'd list my reasons as to why I think that but this post is already long enough as-is. This is more a rumination on my own feelings than exploring my thoughts on the interpretation. I might make a post about that later if anyone is interested in reading it.

And I can also see why someone who is mentally ill wouldn't like this angle for his character. Like oh yeah, the potentially mentally ill-coded character turns into a giant monster that either eats his mother or is tranquilized and locked away or fucking shot and burned to death while half-alive. I see why that wouldn't be a fun way to read the situation for some. An interpretation that resonates for me may not resonate for everyone, and that's fine.

One final thing: I obviously don't know, or even necessarily think, that this was the intention behind his writing. If Black Tabby said anything about that, I haven't seen it. I don't like to assume author intent behind stuff like this, especially considering that Scarlet Hollow isn't even finished yet. This is just one interpretation, one mentally-ill guy's reflection on why a game made him feel a certain way. I got thinking about that recent comment about how there was something people were overlooking about Reese, and that lead me to thinking about why it is that I felt the way I did when I played that chapter, and why made the choice I did in the end, despite my feelings about the characters. And this is the result.

[hanafubukki]

I'm snobbing for 4 days at the fact that what made Lilia's "dream" a dream is the Senate reaction after Malleus birth.

They were praising him. They congratulated him for hatching this baby. They were as happy as him for his birth.

And his spirit immediatly understood something was wrong. Making the dream's world shake and turning the Senate reaction on what they were in truth.

That's how deep this flying spirits words hurted him. But worst, they took Malleus away from him. This new born baby was about to die 10 minutes before. The child of his decreased friends. A baby he waited and tried to hatch for 200 years. Nearly half of his life at that time !

Lilia dream could have been about everything. Meleanor and Levan alive. Malleus hatching and living happily with his parents. Silver and him in the cottage. The present. But no. His dream was his painful memories, just until the happiest and relief moment of Malleus birth - with the only change being the Senate reaction.

Deep down, Lilia wanted to keep that kid. He wanted to cuddle him again and again and again. He wanted to show him the world. To raise him. Instead, the child was taken from him, and he received horrible insults.

This Book will give me a need for an hundred years of THERAPY ! And murderous feeling against flying dead spirits.

Also. Love how Overblot Malleus is such a cute kid with Lilia. Boi is in the middle of a desesperate magical crisis making him a bit crazy and emotionaly unstable. But when the occassion comes where he can play catch with his father he is just so happy ! Well. A bit crazy too. But his face beaming with "Now my inner child is out and we're going to live our best life".

- 🦋 Anon, returning to her incoherent thought going everywhere, swaping to any emotional state possible

Hello 🦋 Anon 🌷🌻💚

All of this!! All of this!!

With all the emotions I have been feeling and all the posts, wow, has it really just been five days? I'm so shocked. It always feels as if each update leaves us reeling more and more, and with more questions than answers.

The fact that the senate insulting him is what led him to give in to the blot and then it was them complimenting him during a time when he was happiest that shook him out really says something doesn't it?

How it was the happiest moment and he received complements. He's so relieved. He's overjoyed, but no, this didn't happen.

In fact, it was the exact opposite. And do you know what this implies, something terrible happened right after and he remembers it vividly. Because if he was truly happy and received these compliments, then surely, what happened next wouldn’t have happened.

Surely they wouldn't have taken Malleus away? And that's what breaks my heart. We didn't see it, but we know the next scene would have something that would break all our hearts.

The fact that we know what's going to happen is what hurts the most. We don't see it, but we know it will happen. and during such a sensitive time? My heart aches for all of them. Lilia and Malleus, the way they have been so hurt.

No wonder Silver was so protected and kept a secret until he was older 😭, can you imagine what the senate would have said if they knew?

The fact that his happiest moment was Malleus' hatching despite all the obstacles he went through 😭😭😭, just can you see all the love?? I'm in tears and they have been done so dirty 😭😭

Let's all just go into the game and make them pay, what we could have had. What Malleus and Lilia could have had 😭😭

All the Baby Malleus and Baby Silver fanart people have been drawing even shows others think the same way. The father and his sons 😭😭😭

YES!! That Scene with hide and seek with Malleus and Lilia; then the scene where they are fighting as if they are battling in Bean's day again 😭😭😭 ahhhhh Malleus just wants to have fun and play with his dad.

He just wants to spend time with him, despite his inner emotional state, he just wants to be with his family. He doesn't want to be alone anymore and I can't. I'll join you in that therapy.

[hyperfixingfr]

CW for abuse. Idk if I've said this already but a conversation with @rainbowwwzo last night prompted a thought. Why are we still trying to claim 2 and 3 have good families?

1 & 5 have amazing families (Cree aside). 4 has a family who's trying their best, although probably need to look into why their son has behavioral issues instead of sending him to boarding school. But they still have their best intentions for him!

However, 2 and 3 have both been shown to have abusive and neglectful families. Somehow, I still see some of you claim they aren't that way despite the piles of clips that prove them to be horrible for their children.

For one, Numbuh Two is PHYSICALLY ABUSED. He's wacked over the head with a cane for anything mildly annoying he does. And his mother does NOTHING. Even when in the same room watching it happen, she does NOTHING. His grandmother can't even remember his name. He results to LYING to try and get her to love him, and even that doesn't work. Do you understand how that would impact a child? Do you understand that his fear towards fighting in the show and tendency to yelp or scream is a trauma response, because he's abused? I'm not saying you need to headcanon the boy with 98 mental illnesses or something... But you'd really be mischaracterizing him and ditching what is so obviously shown in canon if you didn't have this impact him in some way, shape or form. I feel VERY strongly about his home situation being misportrayed in particular because I was once in a situation where I was living with only my abusive, demented grandmother and my mother who was too weak from her own mother's abuse to save me from being abused too. My home situation looked just like his and it almost offends me when people claim he'd be happy go lucky, no heavy mental battles, content with his life, best outcome of the group. Because I can tell you right now, absolutely not.

For Numbuh Three, she gets the most ignorance. Her father was shown to be emotionally immature, screaming, yelling and slamming when he couldn't scoop *ice cream*. I hate to say it, but do you think a man who can't even handle letting ice cream melt a bit would be treating his daughters right? Absolutely not. We'd be lucky if all he did was emotionally abuse them. But judging by his reaction, it unfortunately seems he'd lay hands if upset enough. He reacts this way constantly. And his wife isn't any better. She seems to be projecting herself onto her children. She seems dull and uninterested in doing anything worth-while, and seems more keen on keeping them entertained indirectly instead of directly via playing with them. She raises so many red flags that you'd only see in emotionally abusive or absent parents. And even if she weren't, you cannot discredit the fact that she'd be letting her husband do it to them instead. Because she hardly does anything about it besides saying "calm down". We all know Kuki's innocence is a fake mask, but it baffles me how many people cannot piece together that she puts it on to protect herself from the environment her parents have created. She acts innocent to protect her feelings, most likely from her father. If she acts innocent, people let her off the hook more, which means less yelling.

Tommy and Mushi both take on personality traits found in abused children. Tommy seals himself off after realizing he can't always have his brother available (would've been achieved had he been in the KND) which means he wouldn't have the support of anyone that likes him or at least tolerates him. Hiding away in his room would be the best way to avoid conflict from Lydia. While Mushi takes on a evil, "I need to be the center of attention" demeanor. She goes to extremes just to get back at people who had her best interest in mind. Usually children give up a grudge like that quickly. It's not as bad as Tommy's signs, but it does imply she's attention hungry.

I'm not saying to make them both look like emos listening to MCR daily. But please, take 2 and 3s home lives into proper account. Especially when trying to portray it. I don't like seeing all of these misportrayals of people saying they've got perfectly happy families because they don't and it's very obvious they don't. At least to me, who had experienced both an abusive grandmother + hopeless mother and emotionally immature angry all the time parent. Missing the basic "2 and 3 have bad home lives" feels like you've missed the point of the show. Of course kids with bad home lives are gonna be there fighting for a better home life. The show is about fighting for basic rights for children. Completely glossing over a very in your face instance(s) of children being treated less than human is crazy.

[trickstarbrave]

I have been consuming too many cdramas I just came up with a plot for one

Mc met and ended up becoming the wife to a rich ceo and fell in love with him. Their ceremony was very subdued despite how wealthy he was. Yet the in laws were always nice to her except for a few aunts and cousins who hated her. She wasn’t dirt poor but wasn’t as wealthy as him. She was surprised his immediate family even liked her at all.

He insisted they use contraception. She agreed. She loved him but at first he was very distant to her. Slowly he began to warm up to her and was kind to her, treating her well. She didn’t like feeling like she was freeloading though so she tried to find work. He got her a job as his assistant early on and told her they wouldn’t be open about being husband and wife and keep it strictly professional at work. She agreed. She figured at first this was a marriage out of obligation because his parents and grandparents made him marry her, so she wasn’t bothered by it.

A few years pass though and she’s now very in love with him but assumes he only started treating her better because his family made him. Then he started having sec with her because he was stressed from work. She saw how stressed he was from work after all bad then at work he was always in a better mood because of this. She didn’t knew w if he would ever divorce her, but thought he might some day.

Then his first love who left him years ago comes back. It turns out she left without saying anything because she got very ill and was afraid she might die on him and didn’t want to put that on him. She was content to die quietly overseas but her family made her get treatment and she is more stable but doesn’t have very long to live.

His family dotes on her excessively. Mc realizes now they might have treated her nicely, but it was nothing to the love and adoration given to his first love by his family. They used to say it was despicable she left their son, but now they’ve completely changed their tune and forgiven her so quick. She told herself “maybe it’s just because she’s sick? They used to play together often as children and now a child they think of as their own is sick.” Then it’s revealed in order to save her life her family spent most of their fortune on her medical treatment including experimental treatments. But it still wasn’t enough to fully help her. She uses a wheelchair most days.

Mc however then overhears the first love say “it’s so despicable how mc acted like a simple assistant when I met him at his office. Then I come to family dinner and it’s revealed she’s his wife! Completely shameless. While I was fighting for my life his parents married him off just to make sure he had a wife to deal with his home life yet she gets a job as his assistant! Acting bold to spend as much time with him at work as possible. He doesn’t even care for her, I’ve seen how cold he is to her at the office! He only acts nice at his parents house because his family values a peaceful home life. Yet she still doesn’t know her place!” To one of his aunts.

The aunt chimes in “I know, my sister doesn’t even like her truth be told. Whenever we’re at my house or out together she always badmouths her but says they must keep the peace. I bet she doesn’t even know her daughter in law neglects the home and being a wife to pretend to be a single woman in an office! Maybe she’s having an affair at work and her husband doesn’t know because he’s so busy with actual work? It’s not like he’d want to pay attention to that kind of plain woman anyways.”

“Don’t worry, he said he would divorce her for me when I asked. He will still do anything to make me happy. And would his parents really say no to a sickly woman they already treat as their own daughter? Even if they value a peaceful home life and dislike divorce, the public doesn’t even know he’s married and I am worth more than her. They won’t lose face.”

Mc feels horrible. She holds back her tears and feigns illness saying she didn’t feel well. Husband says he’ll take her home right away but she says “your friend is sickly and came here to share a meal with you and your parents, how could you possibly leave? If my best friend were in this position and you got sick, you wouldn’t have let me leave with you, would you?”

He relents, looking worried. She thinks to herself that he is either very good at acting. She used to think he was good to her because as he came to care for her, at least on some level. But if he cared for her, why would he not tell her something like this first at least? He promised his beloved he would divorce his wife for her within a week if her coming back into his life without even talking to his wife about it.

Then again, the mc starts to get anxious, wondering if she believed that entirely. Maybe he wasn’t acting and genuinely cared about her. It seemed like the childhood friend/ex was talking with an aunt who hated her, perhaps the ex gf was two faced and looked town on her background like the aunt did and was spinning tales. Maybe they hoped she would overhear and misunderstand so she would file for divorce first or start fighting them and look like the one who started it? Surely that wouldn’t be above the ex gf who already shown she was two faced. Or maybe, for extra drama, the ex gf had agreed to help out the husband’s family and tricked her into getting the aunt to confess. After all, her MIL suspected her sister wasn’t kind to the mc but the mc always told her that wasn’t the case, her aunt in law was just a bit awkward but to not misunderstand her as she was still always polite and tried to be good to her just like her MIL.

She didn’t know. But she decided to keep an eye out. At home he texted his ex gf often and smiled at her messages. She tried not to snoop, it was just what she saw. He always talked to her on the phone a lot, and when she needed to go to the hospital for more treatment. Ex gf came to the office often and there were already gossip magazines saying they got back together. And then while she was at work she went into his office to drop something off while he was at a business meeting out of the building and saw plain as day a divorce agreement draft sprawled across his desk.

Mc was upset. She goes to her own office and around half an hour later, ex gf comes in with her bitchy cousin. Ex gf sees her crying, and says she will keep this short since he must have told her what happened already. Mc is frozen. Her tone is very harsh and venomous. “Your husband only married you because your father saved his parents’ lives once. Before he died, your father made them promise to return the favor by making you their daughter in law and take care of you for him. Then they could die in peace.”

She was shocked. She lost her mother when she was younger, but to make up for her her father constantly doted on her. He never remarried because he loved his wife too much and worried about his daughter too. He always said his heart was already full since her mother and her were the most important women to him and gave him enough love and happiness to last a dozen lifetimes. He died a few years ago, shortly before she was asked to marry her husband in an arranged marriage proposed by his parents who claimed they wanted a mild mannered woman to be their son’s wife. He told her in private they wanted a daughter in law from humble origins who had parents that would try to take over their business or demand a merger. She understood, but wanted stability after her father died especially since her father died in debt, something he carried to the grave no one else but her knew, and she only knew bc she took over his estate. She said she would marry him. They gave her a generous wedding gift that was all her own as a large sum of money. She paid off the debts. Saved interest on the rest. She said she might need it later if he divorced her one day.

And it seemed like that day had come.

She was distraught tho to find out his parents were only nice to her out of obligation. He only pretended to like her likely for the same. They probably told him it later to try and get them to be civil. He could have told her, but instead he told his first love, his ex girlfriend, all of it.

“But they’ve agreed they’ve paid their debt enough. You were given money, and allowed to live as their daughter in law for several long years. And in the end, they want me to have the position of his wife, saying I needed it more than you. To top it off, they don’t even know you work here, but you have work experience as his assistant you can use to get a job just about anywhere!”

The mc was so upset. Even though her father was their savior, who asked only for them to take care of his daughter with his dying breath, they decided a few years of marriage and some money repaid the favor. He saved two lives and asked for them to take care of his daughter who was orphaned at 21, yet they felt a few years made up for it? Or perhaps they would later joke in private that few years around her felt like enough for two lifetimes? But it was not like she could fight it. Nor did she want to stay married to a man who pretended to like her just to have sex with her. Especially not around his family that were also fake. She would have preferred they all acted distant or were upfront about it.

“Sign the divorce papers when he gives them to you. Don’t drag it out thinking they will support you because they actually like you.”

With that she and her cousin leave.

Mc cries more. Then she cleans up, finished her makeup, and pretends it didn’t happen. She doesn’t want to stay married to him. She is thankful the ex came her to tell her that bc honestly it will make it easier.

She’s distant for a while. Her husband asks what’s wrong.

She asks him if her father asked his parents to have them marry because he saved their lives. He’s stunned and quiet before asking very seriously who told her. She says her mother in law got drunk at a friend’s event and drunkenly told the mc. Instead the mil was babbling abt how good her son was and saying she hoped he was good to her and always a perfect gentleman at home before she started talking about how he was when he was younger. He winces, knowing his mother did like to babble while drunk and just have told her by mistake. He apologizes, but they thought telling her so soon to her dad’s passing might have hurt her more. Her father cared about her and wouldn’t want to burden her with the knowledge he found a way to take care of her for the rest of his life while he was dying. It would have hurt her, but also she would be touched and wouldn’t be a burden on them by trying to act close. Instead they decided to lie to her, she doesn’t say this though, she just starts crying and he comforts her. 

He tells her her father saw they crashed their car and stopped to help them, called an ambulance, and waited by their sides doing first aid. He didn’t know who they were even but he tirelessly worked to help them. He even went to the hospital and paid their medical bills and didn’t leave their sides until he knew they were safe. They wanted to return the favor with money but he turned them down, saying he didn’t do it because he wanted something. She cries harder. Her mother died in a car accident and he wishes someone found her sooner to save her. He would feel obligated to save strangers so no one would go through what he did. Then she steps away, saying she wants some space. He relents.

Then, only a few days later, despite her being withdrawn he knows he can’t delay. He has to divorce her quickly. His ex is sickly and has a risky medical procedure soon that will potentially kill her. It’s a very low percent chance of success. It was always her dream to marry him. Even if she does survive it’s only going to make her life slightly longer, three years at most. She at least wanted to spend her little time on earth getting to be his legal wife.

His parents agreed he would remarry his wife afterwards. He would promise her they would have an even more lavish wedding. She would be his public wife after his ex passed away. This was just showing a dying woman a kindness and she would understand. He wouldn’t even sleep with his new wife under threat his parents would not allow him to remarry and and his ex had agreed.

He tells her they need to talk, pulling out divorce papers. She doesn’t look surprised, and tells him she already knows. He looks at her surprised instead, asking if his drunk mother told her that too. She smiles sadly and says yes. He says no wonder she’s been withdrawn, she knew all along while he worried how he would tell her. He asks if she knows everything. She says yes. There’s silence that follows

He tells her she’s allowed to be mad at him. But says “If you accept it, I promise you, the next wedding will be lavish.” She doesn’t respond. She wonders if he’s seriously going to invite his ex wife who he had a subdued ceremony with to his new wife’s lavish wedding. She slowly nods her head, unable to meet his eyes. He hugs her gently and she doesn’t reciprocate much. Knowing this was awkward, he leaves, thinking she must be angry at him but not so angry she wouldn’t agree to remarry him. She must just be hurting and she was someone who didn’t like to show weakness in front of others, even when she was hurting and it was with someone she loved. He would give her space for now, she can ask for more comfort and reassurances later.

They visit his parents. He tells them he asked her. They look at her sadly and go “don’t worry dear, she’s just sickly. That’s the onlv reason we’re doing it. She might not have much time left.” “Think of this not as an ending but a new beginning. It will hurt at first, but everything will fall back into place.” They were always so good at comforting her and saying what she needed to hear, even when she didn’t show them she was hurting very much and didn’t like bothering them. But it was just fake. Perhaps it was easier to guess what she wanted to hear than she thought.

She said she understood. His childhood friend was sickly. Like they said, she didn’t have much time left. Silently she tells her father not to be angry with them and consider it not them forsaking their promise but instead helping fulfill another dying person’s wish. She was sickly, while the mc wasn’t. They still promised she could visit whenever she wanted though she didn’t believe them.

She looks over the divorce agreement only a little. She doesn’t care about the terms and she can guess what they are. She looks at how much money they want to give her, and it’s more than she ever thought it would be. It was more than generous. She had no idea they were in that much of a rush. She could live well for the rest of her life without working. Not in luxury, but it would be enough for an apartment, food, and medical expenses, but also includes in it a nice luxury apartment. He told her she could negotiate it as she saw fit, and she wondered if he thought she would want to take even more money from him because she was greedy. Regardless, he’d pay her as much as necessary to get her away from him so he could marry his beloved.

She signs the agreement. She doesn’t need anything more than that. She won’t bother him ever again. After it begins processing, he proposes to his ex. The media goes wild.

She tried to stay in her job even while they were getting divorced, but seeing this his new fiancée begins harassing her, telling her even if he agreed no one wants to work with their ex wife. Is she planning to try and seduce him? He doesn’t want her anyways. She said no, it’s not like that, but his fiancée threatens to fling herself down the stairs if she doesn’t resign and no one will ever believe her if she says otherwise bc she’s a loving, sickly young lady to everyone else. They’ll think the mc tried to kill her. She is scared now. This woman isn’t just mean, she’s crazy.

She says she agrees. Fiancée tells her good and to hurry up. She writes a resignation letter and leaves. Her boss/ex calls her asking what this was and knowing he wouldn’t believe his beloved could do that, she lies and says it was too much to see him every day and she wanted to travel anyways. He is quiet, and says “is that really what you want to do? If you leave it will be difficult to come back.” She agrees. She doesnt care if he’d refuse her a job.

She makes a new account at a new bank they can’t snoop on and begins transferring money over. She thought they could remain cordial but his first love his crazy and she wants to completely avoid him from now on and make sure they had nothing to do with each other.

Then she starts getting harassing messages at her place. Then starts being followed. One message tells her vaguely “resigning wasn’t enough, leave this place!” She gets a new apartment on lease. It continues.

She knows his new wife is harassing her. She hasn’t contacted him since and blocked him on everything. She didn’t even get a wedding invite like he “promised” so it seemed like he didn’t even want to rub her face in it anymore. Why did his new wife care? She even changed her name and moved to a new city. Then her window was smashed open, with another threatening letter left that she should die. She realized this woman wouldn’t stop until she died. So she decided to fake her death, obviously. The people had been hacking her friends’ emails and phones to spy on her conversations. She decided to tell her best friend her plan in person while dressing up like she was depressed and trying to hide. Her best friend agreed, and also slowly informed her friends of the plan by going from person to person, just to her close friends in a way that wasn’t suspicious. They were all usually very social and visited often, the mc had been the one that was distant.

They all messaged her concerned in a way that was staggered. Saying she didn’t go to the last function. Or inviting her knowing she wouldn’t accept and then asking if something was wrong because she didn’t normally avoid get together like this. She continues to be silent while one friend got her a place to stay. She then sneaks out and fakes taking her life. Sent a message to her best friend saying she couldn’t do this anymore and to forgive her. She hides someplace obscure in an apartment. She’s changed bank accounts multiple times. She changes her name once more. She abandoned her old place. The new wife finally feels like she won as the best friend tells the others what happened. They pretend to look for her before giving up and crying together and holding a small vigil. They ask if they should invite her ex husband in the messages and her best friend says not to bother, he wouldn’t care either way.

She decides to live her life in hiding. She sees a cosmetic surgeon to remove the moles on her body. She lost weight from the stress and looks a bit gaunt but uses makeup to change her features subtly as well and keeps her hair dyed. Eventually she returns to the country under a false identity, even with sort of fake parents: people on her travels moving from place to place who lived in a village and lost their daughter. She got feverish and lost hey took care of her not asking for anything in return because she looked a bit like their daughter. She said she would repay them anyways as she lost both her parents and she would send them money and consider them as her new new parents if they’d accept it. They cried and agreed. She didn’t intend for them to be fake parents at first hut figures it won’t hurt her fake identity to have them.

Mostly though, she lives a life a bit isolated. Works from home as an excuse why she has any money. Claims to be from that village. She lives quite modestly. She’s afraid of being harassed like that again.

Meanwhile new wifey is not having a good time. She had mostly recovered from her illness, but her parents did use most of their fortune saving her life. She wanted to marry her ex she left to make it up to them by giving them some of his money. When he found out she miraculously recovered, wouldn’t he be happy? But it was when after her last treatment and she started to display dramatic improvement did he start to have his suspicions. He went to visit the mc but she wasn’t in her apartment. Let himself in as he had a spare key in case of emergencies and the place looked abandoned. It looked like someone rushed out of there Ava he found the old threatening letters and a window that had obviously been replaced. He confronted his new wife and she denied it, asking how could she accuse him of something so horrible? Was he angry she was recovering too well? Did he resent her for having to leave his real wife to take care of her? She would get sick again, this always happens with her treatment, she just appeared better at first and then got even worse.

He investigates his employees getting a bad feeling. Several employees were caught embezzling, all with ties to his new wife’s company. He then investigates her procedure and the doctor had lied to him, it wasn’t a risky procedure to save her life but a normal one as part of recovery treatment when someone is cured and is very safe. She tricked him for money.

He divorces her and makes her family pay him back by taking all of their assets and absorbing their company. Everyone curses her as a scam artist. He wonders where his wife is and starts investigating. She probably went into hiding after such horrible treatment. He wonders why she didn’t tell him. Did she start to think he wouldn’t believe her?

Eventually he tracks her down. It’s been so long. She didn’t ever respond to him when he tried to contact her before. He would explain everything and tell her he made them pay and do everything to make it up to her.

He finds her, and bumps into her while she’s out of the house. She acts like she doesn’t know him abd apologizes “excuse me sir” given she’s in casual clothes that aren’t expensive and he’s in an expensive suit. He calls her name and she doesn’t respond. He tells her he knows it’s her as he would recognize her anywhere but she gives her new fake name, putting on a stellar performance. He notices the mole on her arm is gone as is the one under her eye. Did he really get the wrong woman? Why does she look and sound like his wife?

And I’ve been writing this too long I QUIT

[justmenoworries]

Lore Olympus Episode 251 Spoilers

"Yet in spite of everything, [...] look at the man you've become."

You mean, a slave driver, an abusive dipshit and a horrible parent. Yeah, that's not the best argument, Persie.

I find it funny how LO often goes out of his way to have characters assure Hades that he's nothing like Kronos, but honestly? Hades is extremely similar to Kronos. Uncomfortably so.

They were both lonely and filled that void with women much younger than them, whom they were also in a position of power over, Kronos with Hera and Hades with Minthe and then Persephone.

Both like to play victim. Kronos loves to guilt-trip Hera for deceiving him and ignores that his actions would most certainly have doomed the world and Hera and the other Six Traitors had basically no choice but to fight back by any means necessary. Hades frequently whines to Persephone and others about how he feels oh-so-lonely and oh-so-isolated as King of the Underworld, ignoring that he himself is a huge reason for why other immortals percieve him as scary and unapproachable. He's constantly intimidating and bullying people with both his status and his money, see him threatening that one poor nymph with closing her business if she didn't give him private information about Persephone or him constantly antagonizing Demeter for no reason.

They're both tyrants. Kronos is self-explanatory. Hades is downright proud of exploiting the shades who come to the Underworld. He literally brags about making them perform unpaid labor. Hades also seemingly doesn't give a rat's ass about his people. He threatens both his employees and regular citizens on a daily basis. The only person in the Underworld he shows a modicum of care towards is Hecate and that's only becaus she's a long-time friend of his. And also because she actively enables all the shit named above. If you wanna cheat you could say that extends to Persephone, since she's also officially a citizen of the Underworld, but let's be real here, that's only because he's in love with her. I sincerely doubt Hades would put up an embargo and show up at a trial as the lawyer if any other citizen of the Underworld was being unfairly persecuted by Zeus.

Both Kronos and Hades are horrible parents. Kronos ate all of his sons alive but one and the only reason he didn't eat Zeus was because Rhea was wise enough to hide him away. Hades emotionally abused and neglected Thanatos for all his life, didn't show concern when Thanatos was M.I.A and when confronted by Thanatos over being a shitty father, instead of apologizing or showing anything even resembling remorse, he instead made excuses about how Thanatos wasn't throwing himself into his arms eager to be fathered after his own mother gave him up into child labor. I've said it before but I'm genuinely afraid for Dionysus, Hades isn't father material and I'm positive he'll repeat the same neglectful bullshit he pulled with Thanatos.

"There were times in the last few years of my life where I felt truly hopeless."

Sure would've been nice if we could've seen those times instead of time-skipping right over them. Persephone keeps talking about how hard the years in the Mortal Realm were, but all evidence we've had of that were her hands going green. And even that's gone now.

"But then I thought about you and [...] your capacity for love despite all the cruelty you faced."

Excuse me, what????

Name one person in this goddamn Webtoon Hades was ever genuinely loving towards that wasn't someone he once fucked or wanted to fuck.

I see the child is only referred to as 'the interloper' now. I'm guessing RS doesn't want readers to think too hard about the fact that hxp have been doing fuck-all to save an endangered child for several episodes.

And we're officially going for the "Delusional Jealous Woman" route with Leuce it seems. RS' hatred for all women that aren't her self-insert is so palpable it hurts.

"I miss Minthe."

Me too, Thetis, me too.

I'm honestly scared of where this whole Kassandra/Apollo thing is going, I don't want any more Apollo woobifying.

[lucistarsfire]

ignore these ghost ramblings I feel like sharing

they are random and not at all connected to each other.. just the thoughts that bounced out of my brain

• The Band Ghost: A semi-fictional metal band formed by Tobias Forge. I'm sure you all know the lore! It begins with Nihil, somewhat. The father of our original beloved Papas. Primo, Secondo, Terzo- and most recently found, Copia. Consider the falling romance for Nihil's last love- Sister Imperator. The two were vilely in love with a terrifyingly complicated romance. Isn't it beautiful? An unloyal dickbag and his beautiful horrible woman. I personally dislike them both as people but enjoy their characters deeply! In fact, the animated music videos and the story of their love does bring tears to my eyes.

• Primo Emeritus stands as he is the first known Papa, revealed to be the son of Nihil Emeritus. Though little was known about him, that doesn't stop the headcanons. I headcanon that he had long blonde hair, and bouncy bangs brought to thr front. I feel as though his hair was straight, but curved in at the ends to form a naturally rounded shape. I feel that he loved gardening and still would, be that he was here today. I see a sweet man all throughout life, at worst being a frustrated snap followed by a sincere apology.

• Secondo, whore of the clergy. The love of my life. This is the man who should probably kiss me on the mouth. Kidding. Mostly. I enjoy his character and the lengths of which I can take it in fiction. He's funny, he's kind, but he's also described as cold and bitter. I think I can see that. Different people see different sides of one. On that note, I'm very in love with my son-of-Secondo OC. In my character's canon, he doesn't find out about their blood relation until adulthood. But recently, I have played around with the idea of him actually being raised by Secondo. How would that have gone?

• Terzo Emeritus, my beloved muse. I could go on for years, I'm certain. A man of pure confidence and respect, up until his sudden and unfortunate death. I see him as traumatized upon return. Scarred, patched back together, but to have to be fixed means you were once destroyed. Perhaps deliberately, and in this case it was so. Torn apart after death and for what? I know in full heart that he was beyond broken. That doesn't mean anyone is meant to know it.

• Copia! My third favorite muse and the one I allow more of me into! His likes remind me of my own. Never did I feel so freed before him, how was I meant to know that he was going to be so relatable? The childish interests as well as being thrown into sudden positions of responsibility, his character is one you should be gentle with should you write. You wouldn't want to slip up such a delicate and worked upon story.

•I must continue. Nihil. I only spoke briefly before, but with the tiny sliver of younger-him that we have, it's my job to elaborate on him. My very purpose. One who's life was filled with shattered romances and one night who-gives-a-fucks, but never did he think he'd find himself playing around with one of his own ghouls. Hence my own ghoul, Air. Era 0 keyboards. A heart grasped deliberately, but unintentionally shattered. But Air was a proper worker, and despite his devastation when he couldn't keep what he had with Papa, it's only right to pretend it's okay, to pretend you're okay with him circling forever around her. Because he respects her too. I think with better communication, monogamy was never going to be good for Nihil. Nor Air. I don't know enough about Sister nor do I understand her enough to try to interpret her relationship with, well, relationships.

[rvllybllply2014]

Hi! Oh please don't worry over how long this took, I'm sorry our replies have gotten so long that it could stretch out like this ;w; I've started a new job btw so I'm afraid I really won't have as much free time to write such long replies as much, so I'm cutting this one a bit short, I hope that's okay! :(

I have to agree we never know what someone is going through or how their feeling, so a proper warning is always for the best! Still very sweet & thoughtful of you :')

Heh now that I think about it, the Brackens might be the only house to consider "dumber than a horse" as an insult to horses! If anyone would know just how smart horses are, it would be them! They could call Blackwood horses dumb though, just because of the Blackwood influence the poor horses have had to suffer XD

Lord & lady Tully are such a cute pair~ I love how he matches her feisty nature perfectly, and insisting she become a strong swimmer too! x3 Aw and I love how realistic their argument feels? Of course they would both react this way! They both have good points & both apologizing later sets the stage for a good marriage between them uwu

Lil bitty Samwell learning from both his grandparents & playing with his cousins is just too precious~ And I love lady Tully calling lord Blackwood out on his poor parenting & the emotional distance he puts between himself & his sons! I kind of wonder how he's react if after a bit too much wine he'd end up leaning against lady Tully, who instead of pushing him away, would hold him & stroke his hair as if he were her own son? Like she does for her daughter & grandsons? With lord Blackwood unknowingly seeking a mother's touch. Only to remember the next morning how lady Tully had held & soothed him like a child?

She's such a good grandmother to Samwell & Willem, and I understand lord Blackwood's insistence on her praying to the old gods, & she's too stubborn to be honest to him about her reason to refuse. Though I do wonder if he would have understood her concerns? Oof that argument is so hard to read, I understand lord Blackwood's hurt, anger, & loss but lying to his sons and burning the letters, not even storing them away..that just horrible D= Poor lady Tully & Samwell, knowing his father hid letters from their grandmother had to hit him terribly, and to have Willen parrot their father's teachings too! At least their Tully cousins questioned them at least!

Amos practicing flattery in front of his mirror is too cute! Along with Raylon's light teasing x3 Aw and speaking of Ser Raylon Rivers, can you imagine a secret relationship between him & Samwell in the background?

Neither of them wishing to burden their brothers with it, and feeling as though they especially can't mention it after their brother's brake up? :< And Willem keeping his blade on him while trying to distance himself from it emotionally is such a good contrast to Amos locking his blade away but keeping the key to it literally next to his heart, never truly parting from it emotionally..

Davos being the one to stake Aeron through the neck, oh my poor babies :'( Imagine if Aeron had lived but still is injured, with Davos fleeing with him and both waiting out the war while Aeron recovers, until they hear of the Blackwood attack on Bracken lands? 

Ooh I love how you wrote Willem finding the blade, how Amos never truly broke the chain connecting him to Willem.. And how the rape doesn't happen right away or all at once, how it gradually builds, and how Willem deludes himself into thinking Amos wants it. That despite his desire to punish him, he doesn't wish to see himself as Amos's rapist.. That threat to have Raylon taken before both houses, that he's already "broken in" is harsh..i totally understand Amos's fury!

Aw having Benjicot sent to Riverrun is a smart idea, though I also like the idea of him coming to Harrenhall to lead the Blackwoods, and while Oscar is tense at first, he soon sees just how much like Samwell Benjicot is? Saying he understands Oscar did what he has to and doing what he can to keep his own house in line? I could see Amos meeting him & seeing so much of Samwell in him ;w;

1A) Heh poor Aeron! I feel like the spanking he gets from Davos would be less sexual and more so an actual punishment, like for when he's genuinely unfair & rude to Davos, or does something stupid & knightly, risking his life for others, Davos wouldn't let that go without making riding too painful for his Bracken for a while, I mean what better punishment is there for his Bracken than that? I imagine he'd rarely need to use anything but his hand (which he prefers, he likes how much more intimate it feels) but occasionally, if he feels it's really needed to teach a lesson, he'll use the thin leather reins from he cut from Aeron's own horse.  He can't bring himself to use a belt but that's fine, the reins are painful enough!  

1B) Ooh I saw you wrote something for  this idea, so I'll comment on it tomorrow~ I did think up another idea involving spanking though. Now this would be a purley parental spanking, but imagine before the battle of the burning mill ever takes place, Raylon Bracken would come to blows with a group of young Blackwood men and get overpowered, being brought back to Raventree Hall by them so he can be ransomed back to his lord father. He's not treated terribly, locked away in a room instead of a cell, but of course that doesn't make him any less angry! And when Willem comes to check on him himself, Raylon in his anger continues mouthing off to Willem despite his warning... And after stomping his foot and throwing something at Willem in anger, Raylon would soon find himself lying over Willem's knees, told if he was going to have a tantrum like a little child, he may as well be punished like one..

Ah sorry this reply was so much shorter than others, there's plenty I didn't comment on, but you summed up all we've discussed perfectly~ Thank you so much for discussing all these ideas with me <3 I'm all ears to hear any you have as well! =)

Congratulations on the new job. And also no worries about reply length or anything like that.

Lord and lady Tully are definitely based on my best friend’s parents.

Also think I hit all your ideas I’m sure, so sorry if I didn’t.

And now I’m definitely thinking about Samwell and Raylon Rivers. They have been added to the list.

Just non descriptive mentions of rape, look at previous ask for the more descriptive parts of the rape and trauma.

Definitely older brackenwood with some davron once again.

Lord Tully insisted that since he had to learn how to ride like a Bracken then his wife needs to learn to swim like a Tully. Yeah the fights are just them not seeing eye to eye and just needing some time to let cooler heads prevail. Once that happens they’ll apologize because they know they both had valid points. They’re also trying to raise their daughter to be level headed.

Lord Tully once asked lady Tully why she felt bad for the Blackwood horses, when they had a tourney in honor of their daughters first name day. She explained that Blackwood horses had to deal with the dumb Blackwoods, that those horses are smarter than their owners. So of course she’s going to feel bad for them. Lord Tully just shakes his head, he just goes along with it.

The one and only time both lady Tully and lord Blackwood allow themselves to seek some form of comfort in each other is in the months leading up to lady Blackwoods death. Lady Tully had just gotten Samwell settled in for the night again, and Willem was already in his bed sound asleep. Both lady Tully and lord Blackwood had too much wine, they’re both six glasses deep when lord Blackwood starts to tear up.

Normally lady Tully would just walk away, while muttering a Blackwood can just be miserable by himself, no need to drag everyone else’s mood down, it’s already sad enough in her daughter’s room. But since she’s already tipsy and already mourning her daughter she figures that lord Blackwood is also mourning his wife. So she does the only thing that she can think to do which is move to the couch, in her daughter’s room and pat the seat next to her.

Lord Blackwood at first thinks that lady Tully is making fun of him, acting like he’s a small child like Samwell or Willem. It’s only when she says that she’s here to offer comfort, as his mother in law and a fellow mourner die he finally sit next to her. She’s the one to lean into lord Blackwoods space while pulling his head towards her shoulder. It’s only after lord Blackwood has settled down on her shoulder, does she start to pet his hair while telling him that it’s okay to already mourn someone that is alive. That although he’s a Blackwood, she’s here for him and her grandsons. She just lets him know that it’s okay to let his emotions out.

He accepts the comfort until Samwell comes in from the nursery telling them that Willem is awake and crying. Lord Blackwood starts to get up until lady Tully tells him she’ll take care of Samwell and Willem, he needs to spend time with his wife. And with that she gives lord Blackwood a kiss on his temple, and grabs Samwell’s hand telling him that they’re going to go take care of Willem.

Willem just had a bad dream, which was an easy enough fix. But Samwell wouldn’t settle down again, he was too worried about his mother and father. He’d never seen his father show any emotion. So lady Tully decides to bring Samwell and Willem into their mother’s room. It’s just a short walk back to the rooms, and when they arrive lord Blackwood questions if everything’s alright?

Lady Tully tells him that his sons need their parents, she also orders lord Blackwood out of the chair that he sitting in so she can sit there. Lord Blackwood starts to protest but she tells him to get in the bed, but to leave space between him and wife so the boys can sleep between them. She’ll tell them bed time stories until they all fall asleep. Once they’re asleep she quietly leaves the room.

It isn’t until the next day that lord Blackwood realizes that he allowed himself to be treated like a child by lady Tully. He’s a little disappointed in himself but he also realizes deep down that he needed someone to take care of him, to validate his feelings while also still being an adult. Surprisingly it’s not lady Tully or Samwell who brings up the night before, it’s Willem that does. He thinks it’s just a strange dream, that he had a nightmare and then his father brought him and his brother to their mother for comfort. It’s Samwell who tells him it wasn’t a dream.

It’s when the boys are at their lessons, that lord Blackwood decides to confront lady Tully about last night. She tells him although he’s just a Blackwood and was never deserving enough for her daughter she can see how much he loves lady Blackwood; he also gave her, her adorable grandsons. Also it’s okay to feel fear and grief for the future, they’re both about to loose someone important but they’ll always be related through the kids.

The funeral happens, the fight also happens, lady Tully keeps her promise to write but lord Blackwood burns them and years pass without Samwell and Willem seeing their grandmother until lord Tully writes to tell them that she’s sick and dying. And how much she’d love to see them one last time. They’re too late, but they do stay for the funeral and do find out about how she really had kept her promise to write. Samwell believes his cousins and concludes that lord Blackwood must’ve burnt them. Willem already so close to his father in appearance and attitude decides that although these are his Tully cousins, they’re obviously lying a Bracken never keeps a promise.

After the funeral Samwell resumes his duties of watching the boundary stones, where he meets little Amos and his half brother Raylon. Raylon was sent to check up on Amos, to make sure that he wasn’t starting a fight with the Blackwoods. So he was absolutely shocked when he saw Amos and Samwell talking. Raylon doesn’t approach them just yet, he wants to see how the little interaction plays out.

It’s only when Amos sees Raylon, does he decide to approach them. Raylon tells Amos it’s time to go back to Stone Hedge, and sends him on his way. Raylon stays back long enough to thank Samwell for being so kind to his brother, he likes to act like a big boy but he’s still just a ten year old child. Samwell says it’s no issue Amos reminds him so much of his younger brother, who’s just come back from the court. Raylon doesn’t ask any questions especially when Amos comes back to ask if he’s ready? Raylon tells to go ahead he’ll catch up he needs to finish this conversation.

Once Amos had left again Raylon asks Samwell his name, and if he can send ravens to him. Samwell agrees he sees Raylon as a friend and also a connection to his grandmother that he just lost. It’s only a few weeks before Samwell and Raylon realize that they might actually like each other, more than just in a friend way. Samwell is actually the first one to broach the subject of how there might be more than friendship between them, if Raylon would allow it? Raylon is surprised but doesn’t disagree, so as their brothers fall into love with each other Raylon and Samwell also fall into love.

Raylon sends raven on Samwells eighteenth name telling him that they need to meet that night. Samwell is sorrow by he doesn’t need to be Raylon just wanted to give him his present in person. Raylon had stolen the idea of gifting his lover a blade from his brother. He’d had the blacksmith make him a dagger with a ravens head as the handle and had a horse etched into the actual blade. That way he’d always be near to protect him. Samwell is touched by the gift and vows to get Raylon something just as special for his name day.

So when it’s Raylons name day Samwell gifts him a blade with a horse head as the handle and a raven etched into the actual blade. But unlike their brothers they continue to send ravens even after they too eventually brake up. Also both men keep their blades on them. They tell themselves it’s to keep tabs on how each house is feeling towards the other, Raylon wants to be able to advise Amos to the best of his abilities. But they also send updates about their personal lives. They each write to the other that they hope their sons can be good friends just like they were. Raylon also congratulates Samwell when he’s married and has his heir Ben.

The letters only stop after Raylon was killed in a freak riding accident, he’d been thrown from his spooked horse and trampled. The very last letter Samwell writes to Raylon is how much he loves him and he’s sorry that everything happened the way it did. He also asks how could Raylon leave him so easily and early? They both still had so much life left, but now it’s just him but he’ll do his best to live for him. He burns the letter hoping that his words will reach Raylon.

Several more years pass and Samwell gets a mysterious illness that takes him before Ben is old enough to run Raven tree hall. Willem takes over as regent and plots his revenge against Amos. According to Willem it was Amos who walked away from him and their future along with his heart, just like Amos’s ancestors walked away from the old gods. He imagined the old gods felt the same type of pain and anger he feels.

So as soon as the dance happens and he hears from Davos that the Brackens have declared for Aegon, he uses it as an excuse to attack the Brackens. He’ll finally have his opportunity to show that he’s never forgiven or forgotten Amos’s betrayal.

Willem is disappointed with Davos when he finds out that he had the chance to kill a Bracken but doesn’t. He orders the Bracken that he spared to be sent to the dungeons and left to rot. Since Davos couldn’t kill him, he’ll keep him alive but barely. He orders that Davos is not allowed down there, he can’t be trusted around that Bracken. Instead Davos is ordered to watch Amos’s son Raylon.

He wants Davos to watch a Bracken get taken multiple times while also knowing that if he misbehaves then his Bracken will also suffer that fate. Davos and Raylon still get friendly, Davos also stops his uncles men from raping Raylon on his birthday. Davos manages to tell Raylon that Aeron is still alive. Raylon is equal parts relieved and horrified. He hopes that he’s not suffering the same fate as him, Davos tells him that he isn’t sure it’s been almost a month since they last saw each other.

Willem is also delusional enough to believe that every cry from Amos is a cry of pleasure. That his begging is a way of calling back to their relationship, and how he’d always cry and plead for Willem to not stop. It’s obvious that Amos wants it even if he doesn’t explicitly ask for it. He’s just trying to play hard to get, especially when it’s in the camp on the way to Harrenhal.

Davos is forced to guard Raylon while on the move to Harrenhal, he tries to get to Aeron but he’s too well guarded. The only time Davos is allowed to see Aeron is at Harrenhal when his uncle Willem is beheaded for what he did in the river lands.

Oscar still orders Raylon and Davos back to Stone Hedge, Davos is still a hostage. Aeron is ordered to stay at Harrenhal, he’s needed to help fight, Davos and Aeron can see each other after the war.

Oscar also sends a raven to Raven tree hall demanding that Ben comes to Harrenhal. He needs Ben not to fight but to show his support towards him. Once Ben arrives at Harrenhal, he tells Oscar that he understands that he did what he needed to do, especially to secure the loyalty of all the other houses. Ben shows nothing but respect towards Oscar, which in turn causes the Blackwoods to show only respect towards him.

The first meeting between Amos and Ben, Amos almost feels like a small child again. Ben reminds Amos so much of Samwell, how he listens and weighs his words/actions before he does anything. Amos knows that house Blackwood will be in capable hands once Ben is old enough to take responsibility. Amos might also hug Ben, offering comfort to him; he’s sorry for his loss of uncle and for his father years earlier.

1A): Davos is more of a punisher when it comes to spanking Aeron. Every time Aeron back talks, trying to prove to Davos that he’s capable of being a knight, it’s over his knee until his ass is red. Davos only uses the reins when Aeron falls off his horse. Aeron was trying to show off to his friends and managed to fall, and ended up scarring Davos half to death he didn’t move for almost a whole minute and he couldn’t cross over to Bracken lands to check on him. Davos tells him this spanking is for his own good, it should teach him not to show off.

2): Raylon knows that he’s being an irrational brat, especially in front of Willem but he’s pissed. It was a stupid mistake on his part, he’d followed his horse into Blackwood lands and ran right into Willem. As soon as Willem realized who had ran into him, he knew he’d get a huge ransom from Amos.

But first Willem needed to get Raylon to stop snorting and stomping his foot and the only way he knows how to is bend him over his knee and spank him. He makes Raylon count to ten, and then evaluates Raylons attitude. If Raylon is still throwing a temper tantrum, then it’s ten more smacks. It will continue until Raylon has learned his lesson.

[trashlie]

Hi Ashlie it's lil anon again 💗 I hope you have adjusted to your meds and had fun experimenting with gouache... That sounds cool, I wish I could do that but too bad I don't have a single creative bone in my body 😭 it's okay I'll stick to playing viddy games...

There is something I want to bring up for your consideration that's been bouncing around in my head. When Hansuke mentioned that it was hard for him to get into medical school despite his excellent grades, people concluded that Yui must have stood in his way and Hansuke's mother probably made a deal with her, correct? That felt like such a relevant tidbit that will come up again, because otherwise why the effort to draw those panels. So... I think there might be a parallel to Nol here. We know he is going to spend the 4 year time skip abroad, right? But how will he get there, when Yui is so opposed to it and needs to keep him under her thumb? So 🤔 I've been thinking maybe Rand makes a similar deal with Yui so she lets Nol go. Not sure what the details of the deal will be, but it could even be something like "I'll get the kid into any school he wants if you step down from the CEO position within the next 5 years and let Kousuke take over, and don't plot anything against me ever again". It's a big sacrifice, but it feels like Rand had some extremely harsh realizations about how miserable Nol is after finding his scarf in the pool, and then finding him bleeding in the snow and the Ivan the Terrible reference. It feels so much like he has reached his end, "it's not my message to pass along anymore" felt so pointed. I also keep thinking about how guilty Rand must be feeling. He didn't only fail his own son, he failed to protect NESSA'S CHILD ;A; someone so precious and important to her, someone she loved so dearly. Even if it was unspoken it's clear that she counted on Rand to take care of their son when she couldn't anymore, and he failed her miserably. Gawd just thinking about that makes me wanna cry 😔😭💔 So maybe this will be what pushes him to step up and actually do something useful for his child, maybe that deal will be his self-sacrifice. What are your thoughts on this? I know I might be reaching, it might be Yu Jing's article that will help Nol go abroad, and I'm very aware of the death flags surrounding Rand, and maybe he'll just die or Yui kills him and that's that. With Kousuke having all these realizations it's not unlikely that Yui gets rid of Rand so they don't become allies. But I don't want his death to be so... pointless, I guess? BE A FATHER EVEN IF JUST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE DAMMIT ;A;

On a lighter but similarly emotional note, when do you think Shinae and Nol are going to be on a first/real name basis? It might be just me but I feel like it's coming 👀 It's been said a thousand times (and good, let's manifest it 🤞🏾) that they must be on the same page by the end of season 1 for the story to flow smoothly. And that must include the names as well, right? Because the names are a big part of the distance between them and to Shinae, "Yeonggi" isn't enough anymore, she wants "Nol". And, in theory, he must first accept his name before he is comfortable with her saying it, but maybe the other way around would work better. If he lets her into the circle of people who can call him Nol even if he isn't completely ready for it, maybe that will actually be the important first step to accept himself. Because if Shinae accepts that side of him and doesn't think he's horrible, then he can't be that horrible, right. Basically a you don't have to love yourself for other people to love you and with time you can see yourself through their eyes and find that everything you dislike about yourself doesn't make you unlovable because they love you regardless type of thing. Does that make sense? I hope you understand what I'm trying to get at 😅 He also doesn't want to be vulnerable and open up as Yeonggi, it's not part of that persona. But maybe once she is on the Nol side for good, he can be more honest, because she is already there so why not. Not that he'll immediately tell her everything, obviously, but just be more honest dude just tell her that you're scared and not ready for certain conversations yet instead of putting up a front! But either way regardless of when, the moment they say each others first/real names is going to be SOOOOOO meaningful so vulnerable so intimate I will simply die on the spot I will just explode 💥 -lil anon 😼 (who still can't keep their messages short)

Lil Anon!!!!! 💗 Okay, ngl I am a big proponent of "creativity is very much a skill anyone and everyone can learn" just that some of us (and myself included lmao) need a little more effort to learn. But also gouache is so fun because I'm realizing so much of painting is about the insinuation of things, rather than painting out every detail? And it's so amazing to me to watch those things come together!!!! But also.... I am not great at video games so I guess at the end of the day we really do have our strengths and weaknesses huh? alfjakjfjfa LMAO :3

Also heads up, the last part of this response will have FP 238 spoilers!

Oooohhhh this is such an interesting thought that I HAVEN'T thought about, but I HAVE been thinking a lot about Rand (I have this messy post in the works about him because as much as he makes me angry I find him really interesting in that, like every other character, he is very much someone trying to survive and his struggles to do so have had a lot of ramifications - especially in failing to protect his son with Nessa. I understand why people hate him but I just have SO MANY FEELINGS and like how... maybe a selfish part of him kept him near, even if he couldn't be a good father to him because of Yui, because he reminded him of her, and how maybe as Nol grows up he continues to see so much of himself in him, and how in Rand's eyes that probably is bad because he very much ended up trapped, he very much lost what he loved, he has very much lived in isolation. But that's a whole other thing but the point is: Rand is on my mind so this is a very welcome question!!!!)

I'd never considered the possibility of a parallel because I guess I'd just sort of assumed that information was given to us to show us how far Yui is willing to go, that she was interfering with her own nephew's career in order to - probably - lord something over her sister, to force her to do whatever it was she wanted, that we are meant to further understand that Yui is so unstoppable even her own sisters can't do anything, and that this isn't the first time Hansuke's career has been on the line. BUT WITH THAT SAID it would make an incredibly interesting parallel! I think in a lot of ways Rand did think he was doing what was right, what he could do. I think a lot about what he said when Nol pleaded guilty, about how he should have sent him away to a boarding school and that as much as a lot of that was said out of actual anger and agitation, at the end of the day Rand cares so much because he loves Nol, even if he was never allowed to act on it, even if he had to repress it and keep it bottled away where it began to fester. Something I think a lot about parenthood in general but esp in ILY is that no one has the foresight to know how things will work out, so parents are doing what they think is best. Often they are wrong, they make mistakes, but again, we are only capable of trying to learn from our mistakes, we can't see how things would play out. Would Nol have been safer at boarding school? Would he have actually been out of Yui's reach? But that's a whole other post (that is coming)

THAT SAID I think yes Rand carries a lot of guilt and knows that he has not been able to protect either of his sons the way he wishes he could have and now he is at this sort of.... fork in the road. Until now, Nol was so very alone, has been surrounded by people who can't be trusted, people of this society who would sell him out immediately. But Rand has seen in Shinae and Nol this connection that maybe he even recognizes much like the one he and Nessa had, that Shinae is very much like she was in her willingness to reach out to and protect Nol, her willingness to stand up for him against even the scariest opponents. In the same night he nearly lost his son, he saw how many people rallied around him, were willing to stand by his side and wait for him to wake up and I think that, yes, it gave him this sense of understanding. Nol is no longer alone, and while it's not him at his side, he knows that the people who are will fight for him, are people who truly love him the way he deserved all this time. And I think that's yes why he is willing to transition out of Nol's life - because he knows that he hasn't been able to provide him the protection he needs. That he CAN'T.

And the idea of him sacrificing himself for Nol's sake (and frankly, Kousuke's, too) would be interesting, because I very much think Shinae will "sacrifice" herself to Yui in order to protect her father, will take up Yui's offer if it means keeping away from her family. What an interesting parallel it would be, too, for both of these people who have put themselves in harms way to protect those they love (I know Rand doesn't seem it, but I think he is a person who has very much been a victim of him circumstances and that he has reached a point in this story that he is willing to get hurt to protect them, that he is finally openly fighting back the way he can in an effort to protect them).

I honestly.... HATE the theory about Rand dying even though the death flags are everywhere lmao ;_____; I feel like I'm constantly closing my eyes to them because I cannot bear to think of what it would mean for both Nol and Kousuke, for neither of them to get that closure. I hate the thought of Nol being left a literal orphan, of Kousuke never knowing that he was loved, like it KILLS ME but it really feels like we're hurtling there and aflkjkafjkafjkaf [SCREAMS] I'd so much prefer that like... Rand have a heart attack that incapacities him or something ;A; - especially because Nana has her own death flags and again, the thought of Nol just being left with NONE of his family?! GOD THAT KILLS ME.

But also I am very much in favor of Rand making such a sacrifice. Something I've been thinking about is that a lot of why Rand's hands were tied was because he was trying to get this far - and now that he has, now that Nol is in safe hands, maybe it IS time to make a sacrifice, to step out of Nol's life and "set him free", if he could give Yui something she wants enough to let Nol go. The thing is.... Yui is very much aware of the effect Nol has on Kousuke, and why it's necessary to keep him around, but perhaps with what Kousuke is learning, that won't remain a matter? I think there is a LOT that is up in the air right now, but I do think we are at a point where Rand COULD make that kind of offer, where he can finally face Yui and fight back in his own way and do something to set his son free of all of this. I think I lean more sympathetic to Rand than most do but I would love to see him take an action that can actually demonstrate to Nol that Rand has always cared, that until now he didn't have other options, that until now he'd thought that this was the safest route.

(But honestly? What was ;__________;)

I JUST WANT TRAGIC FAMILY CLOSURE SOOOOOOOO BADLY AND IT HURTS ME THAT WE MAY NEVER GET IT LMAO ;A;

BUT ON A LIGHTER NOTE YES YES YES ALL OF THIS YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS ;A; once again and as always YOU GET IT YOU TOTALLY GET IT!!!!!!!!

I think Nol and Shinae's story is VERY MUCH a matter of like.... yeah, you don't have to love yourself to be loved, that's bullshit, we all know it's not true. That maybe you can learn to love yourself by being loved. That maybe through the process of being loved you can start to see yourself through their eyes, the version of yourself that they see and love and that it can make that version of you come to life. That even though Nol sees himself as this unworthy monster, that he has been made to feel like he's nothing, a nobody - she can show him that he's something, somebody, she can say his name with an affection that no one else has ever said it with, that she can breathe new life to something that was taken from him and ruined.

I think we VERY much are approaching that point and Nol learning that Yui has been drugging even Kousuke honestly may be the beginning (or again I might just be being very hopeful). I keep reiterating that Nol needs to know this goes beyond him. I want Shinae to get to sit down and talk to him - not just about their feelings but about Yui, that even before Yui knew about their attachments, that she was already put through hell. Tell him about Kousuke's birthday, something that shows Nol even if he leaves Yui already has her claws in her, was already interested even before it involved him. Tell him about the offer because she will end up taking it one way or another and it's better than he knows how, so he's reminded how much she hates this woman, too.

And maybe if Nol can see that it's more than just him, maybe he can see that there is no point in pushing her away. And if that isn't enough, maybe she can convince him how very much they can't ignore any of this, to prove to him how badly she wants to know him, Nol, to see him and meet those secret parts of him he doesn't want anyone to say. To say the name that has felt like a lashing so many times used by everyone else in a way that takes it from nothing to something and makes him want to hear it move. To say her name again and be so familiar (so SO familiar god PLEASE) ;A;

Like IDK I know we've had this conversation a LOT lmao but it just feels like it's two steps forward five steps back if we don't get that closure if they don't have that talk. No one is asking for or expecting him to share everything - to just open up enough to show that he wants to. To admit his fear. If Shinae saw what Dieter did, that kind of fear, how intense it is, and couldn't connect it to what has happened to her, maybe she could get through to him better but at this point she just doesn't know, doesn't understand why he's pushing her. Maybe now that she's realized her own feelings - and can maybe wonder about his - it might make her think of what he said in the alley about fear and people getting hurt but it's a conversation they need to have directly.

And yes, I feel like even from a metaphorical point, he cannot begin to open up as Yeonggi, as this nameless person. They cannot begin anew with her uncertain what to call him, not allowed to use his real name, while he still calls her Yoo. What's he gonna do, maul her and swallow her heart and still call her Yoo? PLEASE. NO.

I feel like it MUST be coming, that some kind of understanding will be coming, even if they know they are separating for a while, even if they know that whatever is between them isn't something that can happen right now, I feel like they HAVE to separate on a true first name basis, right? ;A;!!!!!!!!!

AND I AM DYING FOR IT. /DYING/ I WANT HIM TO SAY HER NAME SO QUIETLY (AND MAYBE BRUSH HER HAIR BACK FROM HER FACE WHEN HE DOES) I WANT HIM TO TWITCH A LITTLE WHEN SHE SAYS THE NAME THAT HAS CAUSED HIM SO MUCH PAIN AND THEN INSTEAD MELT INTO HER. I WANT IT TO BE SO TENDER, SO INTIMATE, THAT HIS NAME NEVER SOUNDED THAT GOOD ON ANYONE'S ELSE'S TONGUE, THAT IT NEVER SOUNDED SO MEANGINGFUL AS WHEN SHE SAYS IT. The intimacy of being the first person to be allowed to say his name, to speak it with so much affection and care that it can undo what others have done to it, that it can breath back the life that was beaten out of it. ;A; What it would mean for her to say it!!!! That thrill of being allowed to share this very secret part, this very special part, something she is so hungry for!!!!!!

Shinae wanting to know everything about him is honestly SO FUCKING TENDER. Like, yes, that's what happens when we find ourselves liking someone, wanting to know everything, wanting to know about the things we were never present for and what shaped them into the person they are, but for Shinae there's that added layer because he has locked out everyone, pushed everyone away, and she wants to know the secrets he won't share, the parts of him that he hides, she wants to privy to every part of him. She wants him in his entirety, she wants to know him and be just as known and GOD to get to breathe his secret name, the forbidden name, the one he would not allow her?

GOD

I cannot even put it into words i just

[explodes on the spot]

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WHEN IT HAPPENS FOR REAL? WHEN HE CALLS HER SHINAE AGAIN? LAKJFKAJKAFKJAFKAKFJJA i can't do this lil anon i aM SO, SO WEAK AND FULL OF EMOTIONS AND TENDERNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS they make me feel sO TENDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam: The Witch From Mercury Season 2 Episode 8 Review

- This’ll take a while and have a lot of feeling and my own experiences, so please do keep in mine. Content warning for suicidal thoughts.

- Let’s start from the happier moments shall we?

- Secelia and Rouji have doomed the narrative. Secelia by standing and Rouji by speaking more than 3 lines. But still, they put the students lives first and act to save them. Secelia giving the new suit to Chuchu and Rouji interrogating Martin shows that they put a lot of importance on their jobs as school leaders. With the school now in shambles, I hope they move on to supporting the resistance against both the Space League and Prospera

- Kenanji is once again a pretty interesting character. He’s clearly suffering from some type of PTSD with Gundams as he was holding onto his arm to stop it from shaking. Also it’s cool that even though he’s moved up higher in the ranks, he’s still a talented pilot. But just when I was starting to like him again, his squad committed the ultimate crime. I will not forgive him

- Felsi and Chuchu claiming best pair of lesbians in the series, I’m sorry SuleMio fans. Felsi going out there to protect others and ultimately teaming up with Chuchu, despite their prideful and angry personalities. I expect Felsi to pilot the canons on the back of Chuchu’s new suit, the two working in tandem to save lives and kiss each other.

- Nika has finally returned to her true home, and while there’s definitely tension, right now she has to focus on saving others. Big props to Martin for standing up and be willing to hear her side. He’s really grown

- I like that Shaddiq’s harem squad weren’t OP. They’re still students, and even if they are talented, they don’t have enough experience compared to the actual professionals. A shame none of them died though. Okouchi plays cruel jokes on us

- Shaddiq is the biggest loser of all time. His pathetic white knighting for Miorine is sickening. He doesn’t see her as a person, he just sees her as an object. And the same goes for everyone else. Shaddiq has a savior complex, either something he developed or something that was drilled into him when he was young due to his talent. He has a point about how Earthian lives are more expendable, and I can sympathize, but the actions he takes are too horrible. He released Norea on purpose to get her to kill everyone. If Spacians are evil for killing innocent Earthians, then he is evil too for getting innocent Spacians killed. The end may justify the means, but that doesn’t mean what he did was good.

- Guel is the biggest gigachad of all time. Gives a cool speech shooting back at Shaddiq, disarms his suit, and then front flips outside of the exploding Darilbalde. While Shaddiq has grown complacent, Guel has seen the horrors of war up front. His father died by his hand, and an innocent child died in his arms. While Shaddiq can pass off his actions as the right thing, not harboring any guilt, Guel has taken on the pain of his sins and moves forward because of him. He knows the true pain of taking a life, which is why he leaves Shaddiq alive. He knows that if you’re dead, you can’t make up for all of the suffering you caused, that you can’t become a better person. He recognizes that Shaddiq has suffered just like him, and that it would be unfair to take his life for such a thing.

- Also the fact the fact Guel keeps performing better and better when more odds are stacked against him is crazy. Shaddiq was fully going in for the kill, with his handicap off, and Guel still beat him with just green beams. RIP Darilbalde, you saved your master.

- The fact that Sarius still refers to Shaddiq as his son, he really does love him. Best parent

- Lauda really going through it, huh? Imagine finding out your sibling killed your parent. Like, how do you even function after that? He put his brother up on such a high pedestal, but it’s all come crashing down. But will Guel be able to explain the situation, or will Lauda have his Joker moment before he can talk to him. With the phone call he received at the end, I don’t think Lauda will be sane enough to listen to anyone. Either he fights his brother or Suletta, possibly in the Schwarzette

- Petra…my sweet child. Her talking about all the things she wanted to die with Lauda reminded me of Sophie’s lamentations before her death. Her wants were so basic, but that just makes them even stronger. And you can tell Suletta realized that she wanted the same with Miorine. But sadly, while helping others, Petra gets caught up in the attack and is buried by rubble, dying. Maybe. I’ve seen some people say she might be alive and get the GUND prosthetics, which would make me extremely happy, but I’m too sad to hope. Some others have been saying she’ll be uploaded to the Schwarzette and while I find that far-fetched it would be pretty cute to have either Lauda or Suletta pilot it with her help.

- All right, this is the heavy part. Norea and El5n. Because he deserves a name, his real name preferably, but this is the best I can do right now.

- Norea, once again reminded of the fact that her and her people’s lives are played with by the upper class and that they’ll continue to hurt them, breaks and goes on a rampage. With no care to how much harm she’s causing, she acts out, because she herself is hurting. She’s carrying the burden of thousands of dead and suffering Earthians. Her howls of pain resound throughout the school as she lashes out, dying her hands red.

- But even still, despite all the pain she’s caused, El5n believes she can live a better life. He wants to believe that. Even if she carries the pain of all Earthians and the sins she commits, he wants to share that burden with her. Just as he believes he can live a happy life despite being just an experiment, he believes she can do so as well. He wants to see the world she lives in. He wants to see the girl who drew that beautiful lakefront. So he rushes out to stop her in Sophie’s Gundam, even if he might die.

- He tries to plead with her but she can’t accept it. She sees no meaning in her life if it isn’t being used to help others (save Earthians.)

- I’ll be honest, I experienced the same sense of emptiness Norea has. The feeling as if you have no future left. I remember near the end of middle school, I was given an assignment to choose what college I wanted to go to and what I wanted to major in and research it all, and like, I didn’t even think I was going to make it pass high school. I didn’t do the project because I genuinely didn’t believe I had a future. I distracted myself with anime and manga, much like how Norea focused on her drawings. It’s taken a lot of work to get where I am today thanks to having people care for me similarly to how El5n cared for Norea.

- His profession of care for her, saying he’ll stay by her side and that she wants her to show him the beauty of Earth, it all melted my heart. He spent almost his entire life locked up in a facility to be experimented on and had his very identity stolen away, but he finally found someone who feels just like him. Someone so desperately looking for a purpose after being shat on by the entire world. He reaches out to her and holds her hand, and Norea is reminded of Sophie, her best friend and only family.

- Finally, Norea puts down her weapons. Her rage isn’t gone, but the idea that someone cares for her makes her stop hurting others. But just when she can finally smile, her life is cruelly stolen away by a sniper shot. She’s shot straight through, the bracelet she and Sophie made together burning away, and El5n is left mourning.

- Just when he finally found someone who he could relate to, someone he wanted to explore the world he was sheltered from for so long, she’s gone. The one person who cared about him. Suletta only saw El4n and Belmeria only felt bad for herself. Norea was the first to see the suffering and lonely child behind the mask El5n put on and she dies.

- This is the very first moment activates his Permet by his own will, and it’s not to battle. Instead, it’s a manifestation of his grief and rage. He takes control of the GUND bits and uses them to kill the men who took Norea away, and then he leaves, because what else can he do? His entire life has been played with in order to serve some higher power. But he won’t back down after all this. Peil better sleep with one eye open, because he’s coming for all of them.

- While Guel showed great skill this episode, El5n, in my eyes, is the undisputed best pilot of the children. Able to keep up with a Permet 4 Norea in an unfamiliar suit and immediately hijacking the Gundvolvas and using them. He’s showing prowess on the same level as the Aerial, though I don’t think he’ll ever climb to her level. El5n will use these talents to carve his existence into the world. I hope he retakes his original name as he does this. No matter what you do El5n, I will support you.

- Suletta continues to move forward. Even though she doesn’t have Aerial with her, she spends hours removing rubble to save others. She couldn’t do anything during the attack, which is why she moves herself now to help others. And her persistence emboldens her friends, who jump into work just as she did. She survived, and now she has to choose what she wants to do. Does she want revenge? Does she want to help others? Or will she go see Miorine? No matter what she chooses, it will be her own choice made by her own will. No one can control her now

Where do we go from here? The Space League is moving now, ready to start a war. Prospera will be theif to fight Ochs Earth and start Quiet Zero, all just for Eri. But what will the young ones do? What can they do?

Well, that’s for next episode to show.

On this day remember to think about the millions of children who die in wars, conflict, or because of horrible circumstances. Let us work for a better tomorrow

[shesnake]

ok saurrr i JUST finished ep3 of the Lazarus project so SPOILERS for anyone who hasn't seen it. i know a lot of ethical questions are being raised here but i wanted to know your thoughts on the absolute horror of that episode and the ethics involved because im so confused and conflicted and horrified (in a good way!) idk like maybe here are just some thoughts but: the way people react to each other's tragedies is soo fascinating. the way wes was cold about the rebrovs' son's death but cried when faye dies and when threatened of her own life. the way shiv cries but does nothing (and yet is the only one who tries to acknowledge the horror), the way archie saw it coming and the first thing she does is point it out just to prevent future heartbreak, the way janet knew the risks and did it anyway and that STILL doesn't negate the fact that it was still horrible that she lost her son even though everyone knew it was a real possibility. and the way you can read rebrov's breakdown as a possible empathetic response to archie losing wes even though he also partly blames them for not saving the timeline sooner. the way that janet knows the agony that can result specifically from turning back time and yet helps george anyway because despite it all, she still chose to give birth to her daughter every time.

hellooooooo babe I appreciate these messages so much I love talking about TLP. ok SO:

in relation to wes.. SO many questions about her and the project itself. we are supposed to assume they have no allegiances with any country and operate independently, but they clearly have a western bias which makes me wonder who's really in charge? is their job not just western imperialism? how is wes the highest they can go up the ladder but she doesn't seem to have much idea of what's going on? what does she know? who the fuck is she???? if lazarus isn't tied to any government what keeps them in check?? who's playing god here? because I don't think it's wes.

lazarus agents all seem to be conditioned to be fine violating whatever geneva conventions it takes to get the job done for the greater good. they're all selected from imperialist militant intelligence backgrounds. shiv was brought in at a VERY young age because he "did the right thing" in the eyes of lazarus/wes and the kind of loyalty that cemented in him, probably grateful to have an answer/directive to this thing that's been happening to him all his life. lazarus is the highest authority and the closest thing to god for shiv. and they let him in BECAUSE he "did the right thing" in their eyes, so he wants to keep doing whatever that is. even if there was something he could've done differently in those last moments before the first checkpoint of ep 3, would he??? I don't think he would've at that point before later character development.

(side note: george also got time loop consciousness by a fluke and already had a solid background in tech so that he could easily work in their intelligence. sometimes I wonder what might happen to a random person with time loop consciousness who had no existing skills or resources useful to lazarus. would they just leave them to go mad???)

then there's the greater good in question. dennis is such an insane character to me because I get it!!! I really do!!!! tom burke also played a character not dissimilar to rebrov in my fav show utopia. he's objectively evil for wanting humanity's extinction to happen, but he's written in a way where we can actually empathise with that pain, because what happens to him and janet is sure as fuck enough to make you question god.

then with janet... I think her decision to go through the first pregnancy despite the risky timing speaks to how much she loved and trusted the people she worked with at lazarus. they were all brought together by their shared time loop consciousness and their fucked up jobs they can't talk about to anyone else. your coworkers are all you've got when you're all working for god. you can't Not be loyal you can't Not care about each other. (even when archie loses ross and decides to never love again she is such a FIERCE friend, even to george. shiv is the same.) that silly exchange with the whole group "janet had a bleed" "I can confirm agent rebrov has pamphlets" like they were/are literally a familyyyyyyyyyyy she thought they were going to keep her safe and then they FAILED HER.

and then with choosing to have her daughter... I think it stopped being a choice after the first couple resets but one could argue it might never have been a choice because it's what she feels she owes/is owed after losing her son? the way the daughter is born time loop conscious as well is insane. CRAZYYY episode of television

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 37

Chapter 37: “Escape”

I originally only wanted to point out yet another Ray head pat, but then I noticed the adorable scene with the kids is the exact hallway we see burning up. Yes it took me this long to make that connection. Hush.

Leslie!! You sweet boy, do not play with butterflies! They're a bad omen in this series! But oh you’re so lucky to have a literal angel descend upon you like that. Pfftt okay that may be pushing it; I know Isabella has done some pretty horrible stuff, but that’s all in the future! Right now she’s a totally innocent and adorable kid!

I love Isabella with all my heart and soul (as if that wasn’t obvious enough) but I still believe they should’ve gave Leslie the credit he deserves for his song rather than have everything be named and referred to “Isabella’s Lullaby,” especially the mandolin version from the first season ost! They could’ve easily named that after him instead! Yeah the significance it holds in regards to her and Ray’s relationship is huge, but at the end of the day it’s still Leslie’s original melody.

Let me get it all out of the way and just say the anime handled Isabella’s entire flashback so much better. It has an unfair advantage since we can actually hear the song, but also because her emotions during Leslie’s shipment make way more sense. The boy she loves is leaving the house forever so naturally she would be upset! Why the manga has her waving and smiling as she says goodbye instead is something I’ll never understand. But hey, that panel helps show that the mandolin wasn’t a totally random addition to the anime when they decided to have Leslie use one in the previous scene rather than sing as he did in manga.

I know Isabella had Ray at 19 (or 20 actually..? it might be that, whatever) and whether she was that age or not when she was finally granted a mom position, I’m in awe that she looks as just as beautiful as she did back then as she does when the series starts. It’s like she didn’t age at all.

I know people will always call her a bad mom because of how she walked the kids to their death and sorta used them for her own survival, but then that logic applies to all the moms & sisters of the story as well since it’s basically in their job description. Despite all the women having the same goal, Isabella strives for perfection for the children’s sake as well. Pardon me for quoting myself in order to save me some time (y’all will see this a week later but currently writing this post out while I wait for my copy of TotK to arrive.. happy release day!):

“She provided her children with a normal lifestyle, not only to keep up the orphanage facade, but knowing that their lives would all be cut shorter than they anticipate. She gave them love in hopes that no one would ever have to feel the dread she felt after Leslie’s death and/or finding out the truth. She tried to delay that horrific fate by encouraging them to learn all they can (like teaching the trio about strategy and chess) so they could achieve higher tests scores and (unknowingly to them) add a couple more months or years onto their lives. Yes it was her job to raise these children to such high standards but she excelled at it for their sake too.”

Of course the glaring difference between Ray retelling the deal flashback and Isabella remembering it is their own emotions. In all of Ray’s flashbacks up to this point, Isabella was cold, threatening and beyond confident, but when we see it from her perspective, she is completely terrified (if only briefly) as she find out Ray is her son moments before he offers the deal to her.

“All those years spent perfecting a fake smile and emotionless exterior like she was trained to have and her son shatters it in an instant... That one moment of weakness speaks volumes to me.” -me, once again being lazy.

The fact the anime had a handful of opportunities to animate this moment from Ray’s perspective and chose to show us Isabella’s memory instead.. aahh, it’s a good move. Granted, Ray never delve into his mother-son relationship whenever he mentioned it previously, so saving that critical information for Isabella’s flashback made the reveal hit so much harder.

Isabella’s desire to survive is a valid reason to accept the mom position, but doing so out of pure spite against the demons so they couldn’t have her as their next meal is incredible and just fits her personality so well in my eyes. Of course the big downside to all that is leading other children to their own demise, but in no way was she ever ecstatic about it. While I think no death made her as distraught as Leslie’s did, she loved all the kids she raised and I have no doubt sending them all off to their own shipments was still extremely hard for her. As we saw in ep1, Isabella was humming Leslie’s song while walking Conny down to the gate and as we learned in this chapter, our lovely lady sings that song to stay strong.

Can I please hug whomever it was on the anime staff that had the brilliant idea to have Isabella let her hair down because DAMN she is so GORGEOUS!!

The anime is superior in so many ways for this scene. Not only because of how beautiful Isabella is right here (though it is a real big reason for me), but with everything else previously mentioned too. I swear I’ll never get over this though.. oh what I wouldn’t give to see Demizu draw this woman like this just once.

Go ahead and catch me sobbing over all of this!!

Simply amazing how she somehow concluded that Phil was in on the whole plan as well. But look at her, openly caring for the children without even worrying about her caretaker status anymore. Seems no different from before, huh? That’s because she’s always cared! If ya listen closely you can hear the broken chidoroki record saying “best mom” on repeat. And I certainly can’t forget to mention the comforting head pat as well. Aahh, no wonder your son does this so much to the other kids too.

Okay well, hate to burst your bubble here sweetie, but just because you won’t personally see the shipments, doesn’t mean they’ll all stop completely. I assure you they’re still happening in the other plantations, even with Isabella reducing the frequency of them once she becomes Grandma. And the whole idea of not watching others die.. ohhh, I wish I could be hopeful for you about that but unfortunately y’all are still gonna witness some hard loses and countless close calls soon enough.

I truly am so proud that the fifteen of them managed to escape that harsh reality they were forced into. And as much as I don’t wanna mention the anime anymore after this because of that unspeakable second season, it’ll probably still happen. I enjoyed all the comparisons so far since both medias just had relatively small changes here and there, but with the second season however.. yeah there’s gonna be a ton of complaints. (I do praise it occasionally, but it’s still a huge upset.)

Favorite panel/moment:

There’s so many I wanna choose from thanks to all the Isabella moments, but I really love this entire page. Seeing her sing Leslie’s song to the children to calm them (& probably herself) down is so sweet. I wish the anime had given us that. They had the main theme playing which includes the song’s melody anyway, so I can’t really complain too much about that. But learning she indirectly helped the escapees by retrieving their ropes so the farm doesn’t know exactly where they escaped from is also wonderful. She really didn’t care about her life anymore once she accepted defeat, which is kinda sad in a way, but still so wholesome that she’s prioritizing everyone’s needs and happiness above her own.

Oh, you know how Isabella sings the song to keep herself strong? Ya ever wonder if Ray’s done so for the same reason? Yeah he used the song to help confirm he was Isabella’s son, but the only other time we hear it from him was right before Emma finds him waiting in the dinning hall. Just imagining him being that scared to finally put his crazy pyro plan into action to end his own life and using the song to try and calm himself down.. ow, my heart.

[erralinadventures]

So, I'm bored, so decided to do this! I'ma just...fill it out for Sparta (My favorite character in my little universe)

1) I've jumped between a few. Some examples are, Kano from MK and Heisenberg from RE8.

2) It varies to due immortality and eventually outliving them, but the current best friend is Kinnio, because Gym Bros

3) 'Undead Lullaby' by JT Music, 'Stay Dead' by Aviators.

4) No current love interest, no N/A

5) No.

6) He is very good at a LOT of things, again, due to immortality and having a long life, but he prefers to blacksmith. Even if it's modern day, people find swords cool.

7) He's already fantasy so this question doesn't really apply.

8) He likes to blacksmith, fight, and unwind in...less great methods. Being a demigod of Alcohol has perks I guess.

9) He enjoys working out, though he doesn't need to. A canon fact is that he does not need to work out to keep muscle, as his lineage grants him that benefit.

10)...no, he does not care for himself mentally.

11) I was listening to music, 'Undead Lullaby' specifically, and I realized that a undying demigod would be cool. So I slapped some trauma on that bad boy and went from there.

12) Actually yes, I will not talk about it much, but a friend of mine and me have made our worlds connected. Sparta spends a lot of time in his world, and some of his characters have leaked over into mine. His friends over there would be a cafe owner and a serial killer.

13) He doesn't really consider them a rival, but he once turned a Orc into a sentient Warmech, and the Orc vowed revenge. Despite the Orc wanting to be turned into a Warmech.

14) So, this leads into the other world my friend made. 2 characters he cannot help but get violent upon seeing is a alien military general and a supposedly dead medieval king. Both for family related issues.

15) No. When he isn't doing his 'job' as a blacksmith, he typically faces off against things so other people won't have to. He considers this his only purpose in life, and he feels horrible if he ever tries to settle down and stop.

16) Yes, in fact they are both divines, and he often visits them on holidays. He always brings gifts for his mother no matter the time of year.

17) He is in fact a parent of two. He does think one of them is dead though. His son supposedly died, but was saved by a scientist, and his daughter happily lives with him.

18) He/Him.

19) Bisexual. Though most of the people he gets into relationships are women, men are not off the table. Love language...haven't really thought about that. He typically likes being close to whoever he would care about, and is known for being very overprotective.

20) He actually has a weapon he made himself which is a hook on the end of a 50 foot chain. The chain bends to his will and can be used for many things, such as restraining, slashing, or climbing. It also is a great belt.

21) I don't really have one, apologies.

22) Fighter all the way.

23) Sometimes. He doesn't require sleep, and the only time he sleeps is to like delve into his own head. If he is asleep, good luck. If he's awake, he'll be there in a few minutes.

24) He can play most instruments, but he prefers guitar. He thinks it makes him look cool.

25) He is a great singer. He doesn't sing often though.

26) I don't actually know many flowers.

27) Fantasy Creature: Pheonix Real Creature: Bear probably.

28) I don't know many, so can't really answer this properly.

29) He'd probably be confused and just turn it into a ton of pictures of beasts he's defeated.

30) New friend yay.

Fuck it, OC brain rot won. Get ready for the Secret Ask List

1) Does your OC have a voice claim, if so who?

2) Who's your OCs best friend? How did they become best friends?

3) What song describes your OC?

4) What song describes your OC and their partner/love interest?

5) Do you ship your OC with a Canon character? If so who?

6) If your OC is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day?

7) Vice-Versa! If your OC is in the modern day, what fantasy class would they be? Would they be a different race?

8) What hobbies does your OC have? What do they do to unwind?

9) How does your OC handle their physical health? Do they take care of themselves?

10) How does your OC handle their mental health? Do they take care of themselves?

11) What was your inspiration for your OC?

12) Does your OC interact with other people's OC? If so, who's their best OC friend?

13) Does your OC have a rival? How did it start?

14) Who's a character your OC cannot stand! It's on sight when they see them!

15) Will your OC ever retire? Do you see them making it?

16) How's their relationship with their parents? Are they alive?

17) If your OC has kids, are they a good parent? Do they ever feel guilty if they have to leave them?

18) What are their pronouns? What would they like to be called?

19) What's their sexuality? What's their love language both giving and receiving?

20) If they fight, what's their weapon of choice?

21) What song best describes their relationship with their enemy?

22) Fight or Flight? Are they a lover or a fighter?

23) Is your OC reliable? Can I call them up at two in the morning if I have a flat tire?

24) Can they play any instruments? If so, what do they play?

25) Are they the kind of person who can't resist a good song? Can I catch your OC singing to themselves while they do the dishes?

26) What flower do you associate your OC with?

27) What's their spirit tamagotchi? Or an animal you associate them with?

28) What clique would they be in? (Draw them in the clothes of said group!)

29) Imagine a mood board for your OC! What's on it? (Make it if you want!)

30) My OC and your OC are friends. This isn't a question. I'm not asking. (How do they respond?)

[taleoftruthsandlies]

TW: mention if csa, mention of violence and abuse.

Tonight I had this dream, it's so vivid in my head.

There was a woman cooking in a huge pot, smiling children ran over to her, calling her name. She had really short hair, and from behind, you couldn’t see her face. She turned slightly to smile at the children, her face was horribly scarred, though I only caught a glimpse for a second.

Then the scene shifted. There was a scruffy-looking boy, maybe around 10 years old. He was overweight, with greasy long hair, square glasses, and dirty, sweaty clothes. Despite his appearance, he formed a close friendship with a neat, well-kept girl with a bob haircut and bangs. The girl felt sorry for him and tried to help him clean up, though his appearance never changed throughout the dream. For some reason, the boy insisted that their friendship had to be kept secret, even from other kids. He told her that something bad would happen to both of them if anyone found out, and she nodded in agreement.

It then became clear that the girl was an orphan, adopted by a cruel old woman who lived alone with her unemployed son. The woman exploited her small hands for sewing and often locked her in a dark closet or refused to feed her. The girl frequently ran away to an abandoned warehouse, where she met the boy. Despite his mildly creepy appearance, the boy was always affectionate toward her, giving her gentle kisses on the forehead and holding her hand whenever she needed comfort.

One day, news broke out about children disappearing, leading to a curfew. But the girl still sneaked out at night to see the boy. In a whisper, she asked him, "Did you do it?" He didn’t answer. "Do you know where they are? You love everyone so much, you’d want to keep them with you forever,I can understand it. " she said. The boy became furious, suddenly letting out a horrifying scream, and ran away.

After that, the girl grew more fearful and barely left the house. However, one day the old woman demanded she make a delivery, threatening not to let her back inside until she completed the task. As the girl walked, she encountered the boy. Terrified, she started to run, but he was much faster, like he had longer legs. She barely made it back to the house and screamed for the old woman to let her in, begging and saying she was scared. The old woman dismissed her, claiming she was only saying that because she didn’t want to make the delivery.

Seeing the boy getting closer, the girl chose to keep running. She came across two other children and shouted for them to play hide-and-seek with her to save them. They all ended up in the abandoned warehouse where she used to meet the boy. The three of them hid in a small, closed-off area, but eventually, the boy found his way in. The two other children didn’t escape, though the dream didn’t show what happened to them.

The girl kept running but soon found herself trapped in a dead-end alley. The boy appeared in front of her, holding a broken iron pipe. He SAd her and then hit her face with the iron pipe repeatedly. When he finished, he picked up a big shard of glass from the ground and began stabbing himself. With each strike, he grew older and older, transforming into an adult. His appearance was the same, just bigger. I guess it fit better this way. I think he had never been an innocent child, but the little girl had always seen him as one so I did too.

I don't recall every single detail, it was much more impactful while I was dreaming, I ended up waking up with a huge headache.

(Also English isn't my first language so, sorry if anything was confusing lol)