#I’ve been miserable for weeks now but I never have to motivation to write my emotions down.

[twist3dserenity]

I am joy. I am hate. I am jealousy. I am sorrow.

it hurts to be all these things sometimes.

I just want to be happy.

I don’t want to face these toxic, angerly feelings any longer.

I’m just so tired.

so stressed.

I want to be able to smile for longer than a moment.

[stitched-mouth-vs-the-world]

Edge You To Death

Pairing: Undertaker x AFAB! Reader or Undertaker x Fem! Reader.

Summary: Undertaker loves ruining your orgasms.

Warnings: NSFW, Smut, Casual sex, Undertaker and Reader have a weird ‘situationship’, Age gap relationship, Mention of pedophila (not in reference to Undertaker! UT is not a pedo!), Reader is unaware Undertaker is a reaper or of what he does for Ciel, Reader has MY personal thoughts on pedophila (I don’t think they are controversial but just in case you don’t wanna here it skip the introduction), Oral sex (fem receiving), Edging, Daddy kink.

Writing Time: 1 hour.

Word Count: 1,317.

Format: Kinktober Fic, Day 20.

A/N:

I kinda forgot wtf I was doing here.

Most of my Kinktober works were written well in advance, but this wasn’t one of them. I wrote this 2 days before it was due. My requests are pilling up but I should start prioritising these now. I doubt I’ve gotten that Matthew Patel request done yet, I planned to do that when I got the requester’s first message about it, sent the same day I got the request, but not anymore. Sounds a lot like a request got ages ago on my previous account but deleted when I started feeling harassed by the requester. This is more for the Matthew Patel requester than anyone else but yeah… don’t harass people about requests especially if it hasn’t been that long since you sent it. Everyone, harass me over a request and I’ll just delete it. You can send one reminder after a week and that’s it. Anymore and I delete. I usually have requests done in a week or two and those kinds of messages just destroy my motivation.

Anyway! Please enjoy this Undertaker smut.

Here are my other Kinktober 2023 works.

—-///—-

You had been feeling dam good since you started sleeping with the Undertaker.

You had new relationship jitters, even if it wasn’t really a relationship. He was what you had fantasied about for years. An older gentleman who was kind and treated you like a Queen, but also open about wanting to ravishing you. With his age also came along a lot of life and sexual experience, a lot more than you had. He never mocked you for knowing less than him, he was just happy you wanted to know and happily taught you a lot.

Whilst age gap relationships have always been common and considered normal prior to the Victorian era, it was slowly becoming distasteful. Something many were unhappy with but also many other who were happy. Undertaker, years ago, would have been in favour this but with you now… he was in the middle and uncomfortable with it. Surely you and his relationship was ok because you was definitely an adult.

You were pretty set in stone on the matter. To you, age gap relationships were bad, unless it was you. You were a young woman who would never say no to an older man, even when you was a girl. You knew your exes were absolutely pedos, but you didn’t care as long as it was just you they were after. And no you didn’t consider yourself a victim.

You didn’t think of Undertaker in the same way though. You was an adult when you met him therefore wasn’t bad for perusing you. Well, you perused him but it didn’t matter.

Right know you was doing some dusting in the front of Undertaker’s shop, he was in the back. The first thing you took notice of when you first met your lover… was how nasty his shop is. It’s always covered in dirt and stinked of death. Obviously it would smell of death, it’s a funeral home, but the dirt was unnecessary and you was surprised that Undertaker had tried to do something about the smell. You figured he’s probably gotten used to it now and gone nose blind.

Once you had cleaned to a satisfying amount, you heard the bell go. You looked up and saw the familiar Earl Phantomhive and his butler. The young boy always looked so dam miserable, it depressed you. You didn’t like interacting with either of them and they never seemed to want your help, so you called your bedmate.

Undertaker came into the room, happy to deal with the Phantomhive and his butler. You was aware the two engaged in a different kind of business than coffins or funeral services, but it was none of your business what their business was. So you wasn’t going to ask…

Instead you headed out of the room and upstairs to bed, it was late and you knew Undertaker would join you after he was done with his ‘business’.

—-///—-

“Sort out the Earl?” You asked.

“Yes, Dear.” Undertaker smiled as he climbed into his bed, next you.

You sat up immediately and glared at him, “How many times have I told you Undie?! No sleeping in your day clothes!”

He laughed as you pushed him out of his own bed. Yeah, Undertaker had a bad habit of sleeping in his day clothes. He didn’t own PJs until you came into his life, nearly a year ago now.

“Ok! Ok!” Undertaker walked over to his drawers to fish out his sleepwear.

Once he did, he placed them on the end of the bed and looked down at you. You gave him a small smile, suddenly remembering this was his home and his bed and who are you say anything about how he sleeps? After all, you’re not even dating.

Undertaker grinned widely at you and slowly started removing his cloak. Ah, he was trying to indicate something.

He slowly stripped completely in front of you before getting back on the bed and crawling onto you. You kissed his lip gently and took hold of his arms, but Undertaker shook your hold off his arms and grabbed your face to pull you even closer to him, deeping your kiss. He quickly slipped his tongue into your mouth, desperate for a makeout session.

You moaned in between the kisses, you were started to feel a growing sensation in between your legs. If not dealt with quickly, it would become uncomfortable. Luckily for you, Undertaker could sense your arousal and was more than willing to help.

He let go of your lips and before you could even whine or complain, he was pulling the duvet and sleep shorts down and licking your lower regions. You made your hands comfortable, pulling on the pillow under your head and proped up your legs and planted your feet into the bed.

Undertaker ate you out like a mad mad. Sucking, licking, spitting and groaning like crazy. Your pussy and it’s sweet smell made him act unusual, way less calm and in control than usual. This was something you was proud of. You had the power (or pussy) to make Undertaker lose all composure.

You started to feel less prideful about your achievement as you started to feel yourself losing to Undertaker’s tongue. Your whimpered had become cries and moans, you begged him for release but you should of known better. It would be a long while before you got that.

Undertaker grinned evily against your cunt then looked up you, just go get a glimpse of your flustered expression. Having wait himself for release was a sacrifice he was willing to make if he got to see you cry and beg him for climax. He absolutely got a weird power trip from it.

“Oh please… oh please Daddy, I need to cum now!”

“Nu uh uh! You don’t get to cum until I say so, Dearie!”

You were still staring up at the ceiling and unable to look down, but you didn’t need to look down to know Undertaker was wearing his usual evil wicked grin. He always had that look when he was planning to edge you to death.

[peachdues]

This shit is annoying asfk.You have all ur followers sitting here waiting on netherwood and all u keep doing is pushing back,I get you have a life and all but if u really don’t have time for it to be done then tell us that instead of doing things like “going to try to have it done this weekend”or the week after that.i understand u may have a life and things outside tumblr but u can’t blame people when u literally created a mini fic that people are waiting for,if u knew there was going to be multiple parts you should have saved them in ur drafts and then published them once they were all finished instead of leading us on with mini little parts that u post of things in the story..

And instead of trying to start new fics..maybe finish the ones people are waiting on?Like why are u posting ur written fics about other characters and starting on new fics when people are sitting here with their notifications on for netherwood because u said it may be dropping soon.

If u don’t have motivation to finish something,then don’t lead people on with ur little mini spoilers.

You know, I went through a range of emotions while reading this. Annoyance. Upset. Anger. I thought of a plethora of replies that ranged from whiny to downright hostile.

And then it clicked.

You’re not a follower of mine and you’re not someone who enjoys my writing.

You don’t want me to finish Netherwood at all.

You want me to quit and leave tumblr.

That has to be it — because any true supporter of mine wouldn’t send this shit. Any true supporter or friend I’ve made on here would know and understand that I have a life and beyond that, that the writing process is not linear. There are fics I have teased since July that are still WIPs — why? Because writing takes time. I don’t write things from start to finish (so your insipid little suggestion to ‘save in drafts and post in installments’ is as useless as you are).

My followers — my friends, mutuals or not — know this and respect this. They have been so supportive of me since I first debuted on here. They were here cheering me on while I studied for and took the Bar exam. They celebrated my becoming an attorney. They ask about my writing and my personal life because they are sweet and kind and successful in every way you aren’t, you miserable quim.

Your lack of reading comprehension makes me question the school system in whatever country is unfortunate enough to bear your existence. Because I’ve never said I’d lost motivation to finish Netherwood (no matter how much it is clear you hope I do). It is my top priority among any of my works; that I work on other fics has no bearing on that and is frankly none of your pathetic concern. I have never asked anyone to turn on their notifs — turn them off and fuck off if it bothers you so much. No one is forcing you to be here.

As much as it’s clear you want me to give up and leave, I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you once more — I’m not going anywhere. I will finish Netherwood on my time and on my terms and if that means you lose interest, then so fucking be it. It’s not for you, anyways. If you had a modicum of creativity, you’d understand that, but your brain, much like your life, is so devoid of any true substance that I feel sorry for you. You pathetic, miserable little speck of wasted dirt.

On behalf of writers everywhere that have to deal with this shit, and as disrespectfully as possible, fuck off, you wart. 🤍🤍🤍

And next time, at least put your name on your ask so I know who to block 🤍 at least you can’t send this bullshit on anon anymore. Now you have the freedom to say it with your whole chest 🤍

PS — you’re likely lonely and single and ugly as sin, and your ask is precisely the reason why 😘

[nonbinaryeggrolls]

Battle of the Larynx II

Miguel O’Hara x afab!reader

Pt. 1, Pt. 2. Pt. 3, Pt. 4

Synopsis: Having Spider-Man as a boyfriend was becoming increasingly more difficult, and his reoccurring absence is tearing you apart

Warning: ANGST, mentions of breakups, self harm (not eating caused by depression)

MINORS DNI. AGELESS AND MINOR BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

And they talk without thinking

They bark while they're shaking

With teeth that are round and dull

And they yell while they're chasing

While I'm steady pacing

My syllables hit the floor

How stupid, selfish baby

Don't you battle with my larynx toni—

Macie: “Melanie Martinez? Weird choice for a heartbreak song.” Your coworker and close friend critiqued while snatching the earbuds out of your ears

Y/N: “I like it, and it’s helping so leave me alone.”

Alchemex was quiet and slow at 8 AM, the only tasks you had assigned were to organize itineraries and pick up lunch for your employers. Once that was done you used the time you had to yourself to sit at your reception desk and wallow.

Macie: “Here, eat this.” she said handing you a container of vietnamese spring rolls and mango slices she brought from home

Y/N: “I’m not hungry Mac”

Macie: “Yes you are, you’re just saying that so you don’t have to feel anything other than sadness, but I’m not gonna let you sit at your desk all day and sulk. So eat something, please.” You took the food and ate it while she watched you like a hawk to make sure you got every last bite. She was right, making yourself miserable wasnt helping you but it was the only thing you knew how to do right now.

It’d been 3 weeks since you pushed Miguel O’Hara out of your life, and for those past 3 weeks you have been an absolute mess. You could barely get 2 meals down, your sleep schedule was ruined, you had no motivation to complete any tasks, and you avoided your friends and work almost entirely. It probably wasn’t a good idea to use nearly all of your sick days just so you can cry and mope about a guy but it is what it is at this point. You were fortunate enough though to have friends that wouldn’t stand for you ruining yourself while you recovered from heart break. Today your coworkers unanimously decided they needed to save you from depleting all your sick time and practically dragged you into work today.

Macie: “C’mon, tell me what’s on your mind babe.” She took a seat in her chair next to you

Y/N: “It’s just…why hasn’t he called me? Why hasn’t he tried to come back to our apartment? I just fuck I feel stupid but I wanted him to fight for us and he hasn’t at all.” Tears pricked from your eyes and you let your head fall onto your hands

Macie: “Well, why do you think he hasn’t reached out?”

Y/N: “Because he’s a little bitch that doesn’t care about me.” You cross your arms like a stubborn child

Macie: “That’s possible, but what is your heart telling you?” She asks

Y/N: “…He’s doesn’t know how to apologize for everything, or if I’ll accept it.” Macie nods in agreement

Macie: “I’ve never met Miguel other than passing him to get to the vending machine, but I’ve listened to you cry on my couch about him on multiple occasions. It sounds like this isn’t his first screw up, but it is the worst and I’m sure he knows that. It’s very possible that you two are done for good and I think he’s scared to face that…or make things worse.” You shrug in reply, “Be honest with yourself, would you have even listened if he came back immediately?”

Y/N: “No…I probably would’ve told him to fuck off.” You chuckled

Macie: “See. Maybe this time your taking from him is a good opportunity for the fog to clear, you can figure out if it was just your anger that pushed him away or if you actually want to break up with him. No one’s saying you have to forgive him but don’t write his hesitance off as not caring just yet, I have a gut feeling that he’s just afraid right now.” She pulled you into a much needed hug and ran her fingers up and down your back

Y/N: “…It hurts so bad Mace…I miss him so much and I don’t want to”. You sniffled

Macie: “I know babe I know, if it makes you feel any better you look really hot today even with runny mascara. He’s an idiot for fucking up with you so badly.” She said while planting a sticky lip gloss kiss on your forehead.

Macie helped you fix up your makeup in the bathroom and you both returned to work, luckily the front desk foot traffic is always slow with only phone calls and e-mails to keep you busy. It wasn’t a lot but it was enough to keep your mind off of everything.

Miguel wasn’t doing any better than you were. It wasn’t like him to talk without thinking, he was always so stern and calculated with everything he did in life, it was what he was known for but that night it was as if he lost all control. He felt horrible about everything, everything he said to you he wishes he could apologize for but he was terrified that it wouldn’t change anything…or that he might make things even worse.

Miguel’s world came to an abrupt halt since you shut him out. He was bitter and angry and lashed out on his fellow colleagues far more than he usually did. Even his favorite variants couldn’t shield themselves from Miguels wrath. Yelling at Miles or Gwen was routine, but yelling at Peter Parker (Earth-13122) was unheard of and it showed just how badly your absence was effecting him.

Nowadays if it wasn’t for missions or to go into headquarters it was rare for him to ever leave his room— well what was supposed to be a room. All of his belongings were still permanently relocated at the apartment that you both used to share, meaning his old apartment was long gone. There was no place for him to go back to when you kicked him out, so that meant the twin size mattress in Peters guest room that was far too small for his tall figure was what Miguel had called home for the past month.

The clock read 10:34 AM when Peter went downstairs to Miguel’s living space, Peter knocked and poked his head into the guest room

Peter: “Miguel?”, Peter looked in to see a semi asleep Miguel. “Cmon man get up you need to eat something. MJ made French toast, you need food with your depression.”

Miguel: “I’m not hungry.” He sighed and rolled over to face the wall. His appetite wasn’t important to him especially if it meant watching Peter and MJ canoodle at the kitchen counter the way you and him used to. Peter stepped back into the hallway, a worried MJ was motioning him to go back and talk to Miguel.

“Go talk to him!”

“I don’t want, to he’s gonna yell at me!” They both whispered, low enough for a regular person not to hear but it was enough for Miguel’s heightened sense to pick up. Choosing to ignore them, Miguel covered his face with the pillow trying to drift back to sleep until he felt a small weight crawl on him and start tugging in his hair

Mayday: “Uncle Mickey! Wake up Mickey! Come eat breakfast with me!”

Needless to say Maydays cuteness was enough to get Miguel out of his cave. He ate breakfast in silence and by the end Peter had convince Miguel to return back to work, saying it would help him take his mind off things. Mj lent Miguel some of peters old dress clothes from when he was 4 sizes larger, the pants flooded of course but that’s what happens when you’re a foot taller than most people.

It was raining in Miguel’s dimension when he returned, making the drive to Alchemex that much more depressing. It didn’t even register to him that you would be working, he panicked about what he would do or say when he sees you.

Miguel: “Lyla are you there?…” No answer, “Lyla?…Okay I’m sorry.”

Lyla appeared on an illuminated orange screen

Lyla: “Sorry for what? Use those big boy words.” She mocked, arms crossed and turned away from him, refusing to look at him until he gave a proper apology

Miguel: “I’m sorry for yelling and for being a dick for the last few weeks. Okay?” He sighed

Lyla: “See. Was that so hard?” He growled in annoyance but was honestly glad to have her talking to him again, even if she was just a combination of zeroes and one’s she was helpful, “Still having lady troubles I see?” She teased

Miguel: “God, shut up.” He grumbled

Lyla: “That’s it goodbye—

Miguel: “No! No I’m sorry.” He groaned and sank in his seat at the red light rubbing circles on his temples, “What the fuck am I gonna do Lyla? She probably hates me.”

Lyla: “After everything you said I wouldn’t be surprised if she did, but Peters right Miguel you need to just apologize and actually EXPLAIN yourself. Stop acting like such a tough guy and open up to her already. You keep her in the dark all the time and let her wonder if she did something wrong or if you even like her, maybe if you were actually honest with her she’ll understand. And even if she doesn’t understand you STILL owe her an apology. That part’s non negotiable.” Lyla criticized with no intent of being gentle. For an AI she actually gave genuinely good advice.

But he wasn’t ready to see you yet, he wasn’t ready to say what he needed to say, had no idea what he was going to say. So when he made it to Alchemex instead of going through the front entrance like he usually did he opted for the back entrance where the delivery trucks usually are. Stunned faces met his along with whispers and other greetings. A few, “Welcome backs” and handshakes from his fellow geneticists, too many faces and none of them was the one he wanted to see…

Miguel barely got any work done that day, instead he chose to spend all his time pacing back in forth near the second floor ledge. Though his office was on the top floor, the second floor had a view that peered past the large glass staircase and directly over the receptionist desk. So throughout the day he made a routine of getting up every 30-40 minutes to go to the second floor bathroom so he can look over at you on the way back to his office. He couldn’t stop himself from trying to catch a glimpse of you, he got warm each time you smiled at a new person entering the building. It was fake of course, he’d seen your real smile and it was breathtaking. This on the other hand was a plastered in customer service smile accompanied by forced laughs.

Around the the 12th time he went to go check on you he froze when he saw you weren’t at your desk anymore, but it was around the time of your lunch break so he suspected you were in the cafeteria. It was kind of pathetic the way he felt himself rush to the elevator with urgency to get to the food court but it was what he was doing.

The area was busy, filled with lab coats and other Alchemex staff. When he finally located you he stopped in place. You were smiling, genuinely smiling, with some idiot employee he had never seen before. He was leaning against the wall talking your ear off as you bought a soda from the vending machine, and he was far too close. Miguel’s eyes darkened when he hugged you goodbye, holding you a few seconds to long.

“Do you know that guy over there? He’s been staring for a while” Your coworker asked, nodding over to Miguel who stood by the elevator door glaring through angry brooded eyes. You stilled as you met his gaze that softened the longer you looked at him

Y/N: “No…No I don’t.”

Macie: “He just stared? Ew that’s creepy.” She giggled, “Whatever just ignore it, he hasn’t made an attempt to talk to you so don’t even entertain schoolboy behavior like that.”

Y/N: “Yeah, but you should’ve seen him he looked like he wanted to murder somebody...I hate that I thought it was kinda hot.”

She slapped you on the back of the head bringing out a string of giggles amongst the both of you. You took her advice and decided to just forget about the interaction and try and get through the rest of today. You sifted through emails and answered phone calls for the next few hours until a younger boy, no more than 19 years old, walked up to the front desk.

Y/N: “Hi there! can I help you?” You questioned

“Got a Grubhub delivery for Miguel O’Hara.” He held up a closed Thai food bag

Y/N: “Oh okay you can go up that elevator on the left, it’s the sixth fl—

“Customer requested no contact delivery so I guess this is on you guys. Okay bye I’m gonna leave now, remember to tip, thanks!” the rude little bastard plopped the take out bag on the counter in front of you. You’re heart practically plummeted to your stomach at the realization. Miguel knew what he was doing, he knew that if he requested no contact that meant the assigned assistant for genetics department had to deliver it. These snooty scientists didn’t want a random person walking through their building, it happened all the time just never with Miguel. Fuck

Macie looked over at the bag then back at you, just as flabbergasted as you were. Begging her to deliver it for you was no use, she was the assistant for the botany department and could get in huge trouble if she did. Reluctantly you made your way up to the floor his office was located on, the walk from the elevator to his office door felt like an eternity but you swallowed your fear and knocked.

Miguel: “Come in!” He sounded nervous, he looked like it too when you opened his door to see him already standing in front of his desk. Miguel looked disheveled and tired

Y/N: “Here, is there anything else you need Mr. O’Hara?” You deadpanned and handed him the bag. You weren’t surprised to see that he threw the bag away immediately, it’s not like his intention was to eat anyways.

Miguel: “Can I talk to you? Please?” He asked, you sighed and nodded in agreement closing the door behind you to give you both some privacy

Y/N: “Okay go ahead. Talk.”

Miguel: “…Who was that you were talking to?” he asked in a slightly desperate tone

Y/N: “That’s the first thing you have to say to me?” You scoffed

Miguel: “Please just tell me who he is…”

Y/N: “Who? I’m a receptionist I talk to a lot of people.” you lied knowing exactly who he was referring to.

Miguel: “The guy in the cafeteria, with the black hat. Who was he?”

Y/N: “That’s Anthony. He works in security for your department. But I guess you wouldn’t have known that, it’s not really a job that contributes anything to this world, is it?” Miguel winced at the sting of his own words being thrown back at him

Miguel: “…I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said that.” he said in a tone barely above a whisper

Y/N: “Great, thanks I’m gonna go back to work now.” You dismissed his shitty excuse for an apology and turned to leave

Miguel: “Y/N I’m trying to say sorry to you!” he said almost begging. He was willing to beg if that’s what it took to make you listen

Y/N: “You’re always sorry! Every week it’s a new apology and honestly they’re all starting to sound the same and Im so tired of it!” you shouted

Miguel: “But I—

Y/N: “No I am talking, you are listening!” you silenced him, “You made it clear how you felt about me and I’m not going to keep myself in a situation where I’m just a fill in for someone else.”

Miguel: “…What are you saying?”

Y/N: “I don’t want to be with you any—

Miguel: “Please, please don’t say that N/N.” He practically leapt from his desk when you turned to leave without saying anything. It didn’t matter how many times he said your name it didn’t stop you, not until he physically blocked the door with his own body

Y/N: “O’Hara MOVE!” you demanded. The sound of his last name being said again signifying just how detached you we’re becoming

Miguel: “No. I want to fix this please!”

Y/N: “Find a new replacement then!”

The two of you went back and forth for what seemed like hours, his pleading was relentless. You’d never seen this side of Miguel before, he was unhinged and desperate it was like watching a child have a breakdown. But it wasn’t changing your mind, you deserved better.

When you reached for the door handle once again that’s when all of his words came spilling out.

Miguel: “You’re not a replacement! You’re not a joke or useless or anything stupid I said! I didn’t mean any of it I was just tired of being painted as the bad guy so I wanted to make you feel worse than I felt! But…I am the bad guy Y/N, Im a selfish fucking moron and I ruined a perfectly good thing just because I was scared we were getting too close and that would mean I might forget about Dana and Gabriella! So every time you wanted a date night or wanted to bring me to a family dinner or even just wanted to be around me I made excuses, because every time I did those things I felt myself forgetting. But I’m sorry! I’m sorry for saying terrible things to you and I’m sorry for making you feel worthless, I’m sorry for being so fucking stupid throughout this entire relationship, I’m sorry Y/N….”, He looked down ashamed, he sounded so small and vulnerable something he had not been in a very long time. You froze in place, taking a moment to process everything.

He finally looked back up at you and you stared at him with wide blank eyes. Whether it confusion, sympathy, or hatred he couldn’t tell, but your silenced scared him.

Miguel: “Please… say something.” He begged

Y/N: “Miguel…you’re grieving and I understand that, I think in some way you’ll always mourn the loss of Dana and Gabriella. But we can’t continue this at the expense of my own feelings, I need to know that if we were to keep this up you’re not going to keep hurting me during the process of you healing.”

Miguel: “I understand, I’ll do better I promise.” He felt a wave of relief surge through him. He leaned in to try and hug you but he tensed again when you rejected it, placing your hand on his chest and pushing him away.

Y/N: “I…I think we need a break Miguel…” His shoulders dropped in disappointment

Miguel: “So that’s it? We’re done?”

Y/N: “No…no were not done, I just can’t be around you right now. Just because I sympathize with your pain doesn’t brush over the fact that you just admitted to neglecting me on purpose all this time. I can’t ignore that. I need some space, and I think you do too...”

Miguel: “Y/N…”

Y/N: “Bye Miguel…” You opened the door and exited to see concerned faces all staring as you walked by. It didn’t matter what they thought, today would be your last day anyways. You left your name tag on the front desk and gathered your belongings. Miguel watched from his office window as you got into your car and broke down in the drivers seat before leaving the parking lot

Lyla: “Miguel…are you okay?” she interrupted, watching him stare emotionless out of the window

Miguel: “No.”

Lyla: “…Do you wanna talk about it?”

Miguel: “…”

[carewyncromwell]

“Are we too far apart? Two worlds among the stars? You’re gonna take a piece of my heart if you leave... So it’s two separate ways, Or am I too late to say, I wanna fight for what we got? ‘Cause I believe in family...in family...”

~“Family” by TobyMac

x~x~x~x

I gotta say, I didn’t think I’d become so attached to Carewyn’s youngest cousin Tristan when I decided to write for him in that one drabble I did, but...yeah, here he ended up as a young adult with Carewyn in my sketchbook! Go figure! XD

But yeah, this is Tristan Cromwell, age 18, and dressed to the Goth Victorian nines. Yes, that is his aesthetic -- he would’ve 150% been that Tim Burton-obsessed weirdo kid, if he’d been raised in the Muggle World. I see this being him reaching out to his now-nearly-30-year-old cousin Carewyn at the Ministry of Magic, specifically talking at that one fountain in the center Atrium, which has gone through some changes since its pre-Wizarding-War days and especially since the Wizarding War itself. As you can see, Tristan’s grown up a lot since he appears in that drabble -- a bit personality-wise, yes, but definitely physically. Tristan ends up being the tallest and lankiest of all the Cromwells at 5′11″, making him both an inch taller than his father and the same height as his deceased grandfather, Charles. It also means he towers over Carewyn, the smallest Cromwell at 5′3″.

Despite his and Carewyn’s differences, though, Tristan as a young adult really becomes all the more motivated to fix the rift in his broken family. (I’m not joking, while working on this, I must have played Scott Shattuck’s cover of Waiting on a Miracle a good twenty times, imagining it as a theme for adult!Tristan.) As Blaise’s only son and heir, he’s presumed to be the one who’ll have to take on the mantle of leadership for the Clan, even while the youngest of the Cromwell cousins, so Tristan feels an obligation to do what his father has been unable to and bring Carewyn, Jacob, and Lane back into the fold. One lesson Tristan does internalize that Blaise never does, however, is that love is about sacrifice, not just possessive control...a lesson bolstered by his interactions with his favorite "bastard cousin,��� Carewyn. I could even see Tristan seeking out Carewyn’s help with getting a position at the Ministry as an adult, since his father’s influence is far less than Charles’s was back in the day and Tristan’s lack of real-world experience, connections, and social skills hampers him in his job search.

“I’m a Cromwell! I’m not supposed to have to struggle to get the respect owed me.”

Fortunately for however proud and entitled Tristan is thanks to Blaise’s toxic influence, he also is painfully aware of his duty to his family and is determined to be the best Head he can be...even if it required him taking a desk job he’d be miserable at.

“Wouldn’t I, what, prefer to do something else? Obviously. I’ve been locked up inside nearly my whole life -- you don’t think I don’t wish every day I could just pack my bags and go running off into the sunset on some whirlwind adventure, the way your brother does? Hell, reckon even your precious Quidditch player’s able to do that sometimes, with how much travel he must get up to...

“...But...I can’t. Not when it’d break Father’s heart. Not when the whole Clan needs leadership, and just about all of them presume it has to be me. It’s not like it could be anyone else, really. Elmer’s not the leadership sort, and Arsen and Kain...they can’t even score a promotion with the Hitwizards, let alone take charge of the Clan. And Heather, Dahlia, and Iris, feh -- the Manor would probably get burned to the ground in a week if they called the shots.

“I was raised to do this, by my father. I have to do this, the way he has -- but I can’t do it his way. Not just because the Cromwell name’s been tarnished and Father can’t help me get ahead the way Grandfather did for him, but because...well...”

“...You’re not your father.”

“...Yes. And...if anything is going to get better, with our family...if I’m ever going to make things right...I can’t be like him, either. No matter how much I love him and no matter how much I want to make him proud...if I’m going to make that dream come true, I have to do things my way.

“So just...put in a good word for me, will you? Maybe Father’s word doesn’t have weight here at the Ministry, but yours does. You’re the Ministry’s Star Prosecutor, after all. Even if I do have to be stuck indoors all day, well, at least it’ll be a different ‘indoors.’ And I know Father will be pleased, if I ended up in your Department. Sure he’ll see it as the perfect excuse to try to lure you back home...”

Tristan’s lips were curled up in an amused, mischievous smirk, when he said this: one that made him more closely resemble that thirteen-year-old boy Carewyn had seen back at the Cromwell Manor during the War.

As one can expect, Carewyn didn’t flaunt her influence around to get Tristan a job the way he wanted...but, feeling some compassion for her cousin, she did line up several promising Ministry internship opportunities for him -- one with the Department of International Magical Cooperation, one in the Department of Magical Games and Sports’s office closer to Quidditch League Headquarters, one at St. Mungo’s sponsored by the Accidental Magical Reversal Squad, and even three for the Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. None of those opportunities, however, were in Wizarding Law. 

Sorry, Tristan -- but I think you’ve had more than enough of being stuck indoors.

After much deliberation, Tristan selected one of the internships for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, specifically the one that required him to work with the Dragon Research and Restraint Bureau, exploring more humane methods of transport for the creatures across Muggle-occupied areas. Tristan’s extensive knowledge of magical creature anatomy ended up being very helpful in this task -- though the best part of the experience, by far, ended up being when he was able to finally see a real-life Welsh Green for the first time. After only ever knowing such creatures as models and drawings in books, Tristan almost couldn’t breathe when he was able to actually reach out and touch one, with his own hands.

Blaise would probably be more than a little disconcerted about his son ending up so close to such a dangerous creature -- but in that moment, Tristan couldn’t keep the huge grin off his face as he ran a hand gently along the dragon’s comb, rubbing his wet eyes on his sleeve. He’d never been so happy in all his life.

[punnkzero]

Let’s talk about how I started this and went nowhere with it. If I’m being honest completely on brand for me. But like I said once before everyone has a story and here’s part of mine.

I have gone in and out of my depression for YEARS, like I can only remember my life from after the age of 12 which is quite scary given that I am currently 18. Like that is most definitely a bad thing that I have little to no recollection of my childhood, but if I look at a picture taken when I was real little I get a fuzzy memory. Like I said I struggled with my depression for quite the while, and it was to the point that I got comfortable with the pain so the next time it got bad again it wasn’t too surprising it was as if I was greeting an old friend. Getting to comfortable almost killed me,and did in fact cause me harm.

Now I’ve been bullied for everything in the book through the years and talked down on by friends, family, and others alike so I’ve grown to deal with things a bit funny. I’ve had issues with self harm, disordered eating, body image issues, the whole Shabam.

Everything that I do has a reason even if I don’t completely remember what it is. As I’ve mentioned previously I am queer, that was a fun adventure (not). I had a tough time figuring that shit out and am still kinda doing that (which is okay) I’ve had a friend who threw religion at me and hated that I was gay, I’ve been called slurs, switched from gays to bi to pan to bi to lesbian to queer, its been a messy time. I’ve actually been embracing myself and expressing myself nowadays which is a great step. I never really came out as queer/gay but I think people can just tell or they just knew because it was never a secret I just never said “ I’m gay” Coming out as Non-binary on the other hand was stressful, I think the first 2 people I told were my one friend who came out as nonbinary first and who actually (follows?) me on here and our mutual friend. The first friend I mentioned was actually a big help and still is, and I told are mutual friend because I knew she was going to be supportive. I haven’t come out to my family, well not really, my sister knows I think. I honestly don’t think Ill ever come out to my family, my friends know and respect me and that’s all I really need. My circle is pretty good at the moment.

Now back to why I originally started writing this,I’ll save the details of my life story for my therapist. I haven’t written much because my mental health has been real shitty lately. It’s weird because its not in the way it usually is and that freaks me out,I think its because I’ve grown and learned from the times before. I genuinely refuse to be miserable like used to be, I want to be better and I think I can achieve that. I’ve been trying to heal from all the things I’ve gone through and its working but I just need a nice hard push to fully get there. I haven’t been the slightest motivated for anything and somehow I wrote this whole thing in one go on a random Thursday with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have midterms next week, I’m failing my classes, I’m exhausted 24/7, I feel as though I am dying and yet here I am. My heads weird like that for some reason, maybe I’m strong, or dumb, I don’t know one or the other.

So here’s some of my story, I can’t wait til I can tell the stories of others. And if you wanna hear more in-depth about my weird existence I have no issue sharing (my therapist doesn’t deserve all the tea to themselves) I’m pretty funny I like to think.

[spellbound-fanfics]

Writer’s Block is a Pain in the Ass!

I don’t know if it’s because my pain has been worse than usual lately, but I haven’t been able to write anything substantial in weeks. It’s been making me feel absolutely miserable and as though I’m a complete and utter failure in the eyes of the authors of the world.

I haven’t even had that much motivation to read, either. My sister thinks it could be the darker and shorter days now it’s winter that’s been getting me down, but that just seems so odd to me. I love the winter months - I love the chilly, rainy days where you can huddle up under a fluffy blanket with some hot chocolate and just read for hours. But I can’t even bring myself to do that at the moment.

Tattoo Day!

I’ve been managing my poor mental health over the years by having tattoos whenever I feel overwhelmed. A few weeks ago I booked myself in for a short session today. The Disney movie Moana has become something of a comfort movie to me. I don’t really know why, but it is. It brings me joy!

It’s a running joke between my younger sister and I that I’m the scatterbrained chicken, Heihei… And she’s the supportive, overexcitable Pua. To be fair, with all my medication and pain meds, I can be incredibly ditsy and dumb - slow on the uptake, heh! 😅 So… I got this tattoo.

Growing up, my little sister and I never really got on. We would constantly wind each other up, picking a fight for no reason other than the fact we could. We were never really close. But in the last few years, as my health has continued to get worse, we’ve come to be best friends - she’s my rock. She’s always there when I need help, even if I’m too stubborn or prideful to ask for it. So I got this tattoo - a representation of both of us.

And I can’t help but smile every time I look down at it. Mission accomplished, I’d say. Once my sister’s given birth to my niece in the new year, and she’s stopped breastfeeding, she’s going to get a matching one! 😁

Anyway… I hope you all have a great week. I want you all to know you’re appreciated, and that your worth isn’t defined by how much or how little you write. 🌺

[mottlemoth]

So I’ve been hiding a lot. I’m really sorry. Being back on Tumblr makes me feel like it’s fine to share some of this - I’m sorry if it’s weird to hear - I’m just having a tough time and I need to be honest.

Various things are happening to me in real life at the moment. It’s been one thing after another, and there’s more to come. Usually I turn to fandom for a support structure and an escape from stress, but I’m realising that sense of comfort has been missing from my life for a few weeks now.

I came to OFMD from a small rarepair with a very close and very supportive community. I absolutely wasn’t prepared for the kind of things I’ve experienced in the last few months on Twitter. The OFMD community there has a lot of problems right now, one of the most worrying being a lethal lack of awareness that fan writers are fans. We’re writing for fun, sharing our work for free. But we’re being ripped apart by people who’ve had years of practice at criticising showrunners for creative decisions they don’t approve of. The abuse is largely motivated by jealousy - any author who picks up too much kudos or appears on too many rec lists becomes the next target, and it’s usually cloaked under a false banner of social justice. It’s happening over and over again. It’s transparent and it’s exhausting, and the things being used to justify the abuse are so tenuous that I often can’t believe what my actual eyes are reading. I’ve been accused of misogyny for writing Edward ‘Shoot-The-People-Who-Teased-Me’ Teach as reacting emotionally, therefore “female-coding” him, therefore sexism. I don’t know how to cope in this kind of environment.

I’ve been through endless rounds of coaxing myself to try to relax - to forget about the paranoia and the toxicity, and shut up and get on with writing because I have a duty to finish this fic and everyone’s waiting for the next chapter and if I don’t hurry up and post it then I’ll get Tumblr messages saying “when can we expect the next chapter” and - suddenly I realise, wait. I’m not actually obliged to do any of this.

This is my hobby.

I am 100% allowed to stop doing this at any point I want to.

“But you have a duty to the people who’ve--”

Look, I get that this isn’t something anyone wants to hear, but... no. I don’t. I’m an exhausted thirty-something sitting in her pyjamas after work, having a cry because my hobby somehow turned into a full-time job on top of my already miserable full-time job. AO3 writers don’t have a duty to do what they’re doing. Fanworks are literally a gift of time and energy from a complete stranger. I’d love to be able to ignore the people being abusive towards writers, but I can’t. And, again - this is my hobby. I’m not obliged to ignore the abuse and just get on with the task. If I’m upset, I’m allowed to stop. (Let’s say I joined a knitting club. Let’s say some of the members were routinely vicious and awful to anyone who got “too good” at knitting, and none of the other members ever hit them with any consequences for their behaviour. I don’t have a duty to stick around at Toxic Knitting Club, even if I never finished that pair of socks I started. If the club cares about its own survival, then it needs to make the environment feel safe and welcoming. It can’t just expect people to ignore the nastiness.)

OP, I blanked your name and pfp from this message because I don’t want you to get grief. But I’ve searched for your username in my email inbox, and found that this is the first time you’ve ever spoken to me. You’ve never reached out to chat or be kind or make friends, but you’ve reached out to prod me when you think that I’m being tardy with delivery of your content. Chapters 1 to 43 appeared at least once a week, sometimes twice or even three times a week. Did it cross your mind that maybe there’s a reason why chapter 44 hasn’t dropped yet? Did you think, something must be wrong, maybe I should ask if they’re okay? No, you just came to bang on the vending machine. I’m sorry if this is an uncomfortable lesson to learn, but the writers in your fandom aren’t staff. We’re guests. Tonight, when I get home from work, I have the option to run a long bath, have a cry and play The Sims until I fall asleep, or the option to sit down at my desk and write something for you, even though I might get harassed and bullied for it. You haven’t tipped the scales in the direction you meant to.

I don’t know how to even begin concluding this post.

I’ve been struggling ever since I was dogpiled back in September. I feel very lonely and very tired. Twitter is an awful bloody website and it’s structured around division and argument. I’ve been feeling better since I came back to Tumblr. My breaks at work are now spent scrolling through pretty GIFs or cool meta or funny things about Izzy, rather than drama, and it’s helping. So... I don’t know, OP. Don’t start being like this here. I’m fighting so hard to find reasons to stay in OFMD. Life is rough at the minute, and I want to spend my free time feeling happy and safe with people who see me as a friend, not a vending machine. I’m doing everything a professional writer does, but for no pay, with no protection or support from a publisher, and I’m fitting it around a full-time job. That’s... well, that’s the situation. That’s the situation all your fan writers are in, however well they seem to be handling it. It’d be great if you could reflect on that.

TLDR; this is my hobby, and I work on my hobby when it feels fun.

[tooruluv]

exes confront each other • kozume kenma

[ how did you meet? ]

you: 

kenma:

you: i think it was a couple weeks into freshman year of college?

kenma: i think so, yeah. 

you:

kenma:

you: 

kenma: i’ve missed you. you look good.

you: thanks. i’ve missed you too.

kenma:

you: your hair is longer. you’ve grown out the blonde.

kenma: yeah, yeah. i was thinking of cutting it, but i like how easy it is to pull back.

you: it looks good.

kenma:

you:

kenma: thanks. 

••

you: sorry, back to the question.

kenma: right. um, class. it was one of the gen classes we have to take.

you: i think it was some sort of math?

kenma: you were one of the only people writing their notes instead of typing them.

you:

kenma:

you: and you were playing games instead of paying attention.

kenma: [chuckles] yeah. 

you: 

kenma:

you: eventually, you started to turn your screen so i could watch.

kenma: i remember that! i would feel your eyes so i figured...

you: it was definitely motivation to go to class.

kenma:

you: well, what? i had to see you beat the game at that point.

kenma: 

you:

kenma: and you did.

you:

kenma:

you: and i did.

[ why did you break up? ]

you:

kenma:

you:

kenma:

you: i still think i made the right choice.

kenma: 

you:

kenma: i think you did, too.

••

you: i broke up with him. when he started to get big online, streaming or whatever, i thought it was better to... end it before it got too serious.

kenma: “too serious”...

you:

kenma:

you: you said...

kenma: i know what i said.

••

kenma: my focus drifted away from us, too, so i can’t blame you for breaking up with me.

you:

kenma: i...

you: kenma...

kenma: 

you:

••

you: you know that it was hard for me to do, right?

kenma: 

you:

kenma: i know, i know. you just made it look easy.

you: it wasn’t. i had to try really hard to get over you.

kenma:

you: 

kenma: me too.

[ what did you love most about each other? ]

you:

kenma: i loved how you always drank energy drinks.

you: oh my god.

kenma: what? you would argue with me about how water was bland! it was so funny to see you pop up anywhere we went with an energy drink.

you:

kenma: it was endearing.

you: 

••

you: i loved cuddling with you. it might be cliché, but i did.

kenma:

you: you always let me play with your hair. it was so soothing. even if we were just laying around, you would let me put little braids in it. 

kenma:

you: i loved that you trusted me that much, and that you were that comfortable with me.

kenma:

you:

kenma: see, now i want to change my answer.

••

kenma: i loved that you would watch me play games. 

you:

kenma:

you: what?

kenma: you would just sit with me for hours, watching me play and cheering me on. i loved that about you. you never complained once.

you:

kenma:

you: well, you were good at them. it’s fun to watch people be good at the things they do.

kenma: 

you:

[ what did you hate most about each other? ]

you:

kenma:

you: i don’t like this question.

kenma: i don’t, either.

••

you: you go first.

kenma: i went first last time, you go.

you: 

kenma:

you: okay.

••

you: i think i would say that... you got distracted easily.

kenma:

you: it was hard to feel important or needed when you would fall into your screen.

kenma: 

you:

kenma: i always knew you were there, though. i never...meant to make it seem like you were invisible.

you: i know. but you did. 

kenma:

••

kenma: i guess... i hated how easy it was for you to go.

you: i told you, it wasn’t...

kenma: but it was, though.

you:

kenma: you didn’t want to be a part of my online popularity. and i get that, i always have. but you could’ve stayed. i could’ve hid you from the viewers, could’ve just told them i had a partner without posting anything about you, could’ve had both...

you: but you know that i didn’t want that.

kenma:

you: i would’ve been miserable that way. to be yours but never be yours in front of those who matter so much to you.

kenma:

you:

kenma: i know.

[ do you think you could try again? ]

you: i don’t know.

kenma: 

you:

kenma: me neither.

••

you:

kenma:

you:

kenma: i was in love with you.

you:

kenma:

you: what?

kenma: i loved you. still do, i think.

you:

kenma: 

you: can i have a minute?

••

you:

kenma: i’m sorry. for not telling you before and for telling you now.

you:

kenma:

you: i loved you, too.

kenma:

you:

kenma: you did?

you: i did. 

kenma: and...

you:

kenma: do you still?

you: i think i always will.

masterlist

taglist: @paradisebabey @seaofemptygold @katsulovee @zhaixiaowen @daylghits @haikyuusimp91​ @darknessyournewfriend @sharkbb @samwise-though @lunarvanilla @kkeke99 @aonenthusiast @manq-fandoms @dwcljh @xxsilverwingxx @megumidulce @qualitygiantshoepsychic

[plant-flwrs]

hi! could you do a draco x reader imagine where it’s enemies to lovers and one night at a party draco gets drunk and confesses his feelings?

drunk // draco malfoy

masterlist!

a/n: i literally had an idea exactly like this n my drafts omg but it was smut :0 wut r the odds. n e way, hope u like it, thanks for the request anon!!

summary: You and Draco are enemies until one drunken night leads to a confession of secret feelings.

(4.4k)

----------

It was no secret that the Slytherin house was plagued by Draco Malfoy. The house was split; people who went along with Malfoy’s bullying and those who hated the boy. You were proud to say you definitely did not get along with Draco.

Over the many years of mutual torment between the two of you, you had both improved on your ways you made the other’s life a living hell.

This week, you had decided to casually mention to Ron that in his sleep, Draco sucked his thumb. You had no idea if this was true, of course, but you knew Ron would tell everyone he knew. 

In retort, Draco had been stealing any of your school work you left out in the common room. He would return it a few days later with all your work erased. 

This was typical. It would have been unusual if you didn’t have the added stress Draco gave you.

The worst part was the classes you shared. You shared a fair amount of them, being in the same house and finding a lot of your courses to be the same. The both of you were fairly smart, proving to be good competition. 

Charms was your least favorite. You had an awful memory, and when you had to remember the physical movements with the vocal spell, you struggled miserably. Draco did fine in Charms, which made it even worse.

Today was particularly difficult, having to memorize at least ten spells, each with different movements and verbal aspects. You sulked out of the room, loosening your green tie in frustration.

“Finding Charms a little hard today?” Draco mocked, raising his voice so it mimicked that of a baby’s.

“Not as hard as that Transfiguration test was for you last week. How much like a tea pot did your poor little mouse look like? I seem to recall it still had its tail,” you retorted, feeling better already about Charms as you looked at Draco’s sour expression.

“So what? What good will a mouse teapot do me? At least I can cast a gouging charm without nearly killing half the class,” Draco shot back, taking an intimidating step closer to you.

The two of you stood off in the middle of the hallway. This often happened after Charms, for it was the last class of the day and neither of you had anything better to do than shout at each other.

You rolled your eyes at the boy and crossed your arms over your chest.

“I didn’t even come close to killing anyone, Draco. Your such a drama queen,” you teased him, enjoying the flush on his cheeks. 

“Oh shut up,” he managed to still sound fierce, even with the pink hint on his face.

“Gonna cry about it?” you teased further, hoping to rile him up more.

He squinted his eyes at you and gave you one last critical look. He lifted his lip in a sneer and stalked off, Goyle and Crabbe following after him.

That was how you and Draco interacted. You would tease him, press his buttons, and he would get incredibly angry. It either ended with his storming off, or him saying something hurtful enough that actually made you sink to his level. He didn’t do it very frequently, because usually it resulted in him having a bruised eye for a few weeks.

You were happy to stand up to Draco, because not many other people did it. He was often too favored by Snape to ever get too badly hurt by Harry, and everyone else was too scared of him. Snape didn’t often interfere with the interactions between you and Draco, and you assumed he simply did not care.

You left Charms for the day feeling significantly more confident than when you had entered. You failed miserably at the assignments, and that upset you, but your little victory over Draco made up for it. You walked with Pansy to the Black Lake, books clutched tight to your chest as shields against the cold air nipping your skin. Your scarf clung to your neck and did its best to defend your vulnerable lips.

“You really can’t go?” you asked again, adding a slight whine to your voice.

“I can’t,” Pansy replied regretfully, “I’ve got loads of work to do, and my mum’s been on me about it recently.”

Pansy had fallen behind in more than a few of her courses. You supposed you could blame yourself a little, but didn’t like to think that hard about it. You and Pansy had been fast and loose recently, attending almost any and every party you could find, and spending a little more money than usual on certain substances. You justified it, though, thinking you’d be spending just as much at Hogsmeade every weekend.

“It won’t be any fun without you, though,” you said, still hoping she would change her mind.

“You’ll have Daphne,” Pansy said teasingly, “give her enough firewhisky and she’s a hoot.”

You giggled with Pansy, thinking back to the last time Daphne got drunk at a party. She had climbed on almost every elevated surface to dance, and when she ran out of tables to stand on, she had tried walking on the heads of the nearest first years.  

“Can I help you on some of your work? Get it out of the way?” you offered, practically desperate at this point.

“Would you? That might actually work,” Pansy exclaimed, rushing to the nearest tree to sit against with her school things.

You trailed after her, sitting next to her and pulling out some of your quills. You looked dutifully at Pansy’s Ancient Runes work, starting to write in your best attempt at your best friend’s handwriting. 

You knew there was an ulterior motive in wanting Pansy at the party, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. She was usually the only person who could effectively stop you from drunkenly interacting with Draco. She was the only one who could keep you two separate. As much as you hated Draco, something in your drunk subconscious always made you drawn to him. You needed her at that party.

Pansy stole a glance from her Potions work, looking at you. She smiled thankfully, tucking her short hair behind her ear and returning to her work.

The two of your worked silently for as long as you could, but the sun was against you. It crept away, hiding behind trees and clouds. The two of you began to collect Pansy’s scattered books in the dusk, some faint and lingering sunlight peaking through trees branches lighting the ground. You pulled your robes closer to you, feeling the air get colder as the sun was no longer there to warm you. You and Pansy struggled back to the castle, avoiding stray tree roots carefully. 

The both of you heard leaves crunching from a few feet away. You ignored it, figuring it was just some other students making their way up to the castle for dinner, too. The light was fading more and more, and you and Pansy were just about to clamber out of the heavily forested area when something hard knocked into your shoulder from behind. Draco had come from the left of you, walking past you and throwing his shoulder into yours. You stumbled forwards, but Pansy’s vigilant hand was quick to steady you before you could fall forwards.

“Merlin!” you said out of surprise, before you realized who it was.

His hair looked white in the moonlight that now illuminated the field. The bottom half of his face was shadowed by a tree, but you could tell by the glint in his eyes that he was smirking. You rolled your eyes, feeling your feet firmly planted on the ground again, and began walking past Draco with Pansy’s arm looped in yours.

“Scare ya?” Draco snarled, taking a few long strides to walk in pace with you and Pansy.

“The only thing about you that scares me, Draco, is your nasty breath,” you said, pretending to sound sweet.

Draco scoffed, and you made a disgusted face, pretending to smell his breath from the few feet you were away from him.

“Honestly Draco,” Pansy said from beside you, struggling to hide her smile but going along with your joke and lifting her hand to cover her nose, “you’d think some of your daddy’s money would go towards toothpaste.”

You laughed earnestly, looking to Draco so you wouldn’t miss the offended face you knew he always made. He wasn’t doing it though, his brows weren’t furrowed and his lips weren’t curled. He looked off. His eyes narrowed but his lips were spread into some sort of crooked grin.

You narrowed your eyes back at him in suspicion, which he noticed. He quickly snapped out of whatever he was in, and his usual sneer was directed towards you and Pansy as he sulked off to the castle.

You and Pansy sat at the Slytherin table in your usual spots. Draco was a few people away from the both of you, as he usually was, but you both ignored him. It was easy to do, especially recently. Blaise had taken a peculiar interest in Pansy, and wherever Blaise went followed his friend Klein. 

Blaise was busy fawning over Pansy, watching her with a dazed look as she brushed her hair from her face. Klein kept his eyes locked on you, something you did not mind.

The boy was a year ahead of you, and he was the interest of just about every Slytherin girl. His green eyes were piercing, especially against the black hair that fell onto his forehead. He always kept his tie remarkably straight, and you often found yourself twirling it in your fingers to tease him. 

Tonight, he and Blaise walked with you and Pansy around the grounds before curfew. 

“Are you going to the party on Saturday?” Blaise asked Pansy, bringing his arm up to wrap around her shoulders.

“I don’t know yet,” she said, and upon seeing your pitiful face she continued, “I’ll try, but no guarantees.”  

“Are you going?” Klein asked you, pulling a hand from his pocket to adjust his green tie.

“Of course,” you smirked, “I would never miss a party.”

Klein stared at you for a moment longer, and aware of his gaze, you bit your lip. You liked to mess with him, he was always so uptight and serious, it was fun to see him unwind just at your little actions.

You and Pansy said goodnight to the boys as you went to the girls dorms. 

The next day was odd, for as you came down the stairs to the common room, you saw Draco. It was not odd to see Draco in the common room, but it was odd for him to not immediately find you in a room and insult you. Instead, he merely locked his eyes with yours and stared at you. When you crinkled your face in confusion, he looked away, turning his attention back down to the book perched in his lap.

“Ready for breakfast?” Pansy asked, coming from behind you on the stairs.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, still looking at Draco as you followed her out of the common room.

In Potions, Draco didn’t torment you. In Transfiguration, he only stared at you, no sneer or grimace present. Most strangely, in Charms, he didn’t even bat an eye when your wand movement was off and your spell rebounded and hit Hannah Abbot. 

You apologized to Hannah profusely, even offering to walk her to the infirmary as her hand began to swell two times its normal size. She blushed, obviously embarrassed by the affliction, but insisted she could go by herself. She made sure you knew she forgave you, smiling politely as you followed her to the door and watched her go down the hallway. You shouted one last apology at her as she turned the corner, and she lifted her swelled hand in a friendly wave. 

Draco watched the entire interaction from his seat, his eyes following you as you held Hannah’s large hand in yours to look at the damage you caused. He looked at the guilty expression on your face, the red tint in your cheeks. He felt two things bubbling in his stomach: adoration and rage. He felt adoration, as he had been feeling for you for a while, and felt rage because he felt this way.

He swallowed hard as your eyes met his. In your flustered and guilty state, you shot him an annoyed look. He widened his eyes, embarrassed to be caught staring, and plunged his face downward to look back into his Charms textbook.

Draco had been weird lately, you noticed. For it was the third day, Friday by now, of no loud arguments in the hall, no insults in the common room, and not even a stray dinner roll being launched at your head during dinner (yes, he did that often). You and Pansy, however, were too busy doing her late work to do anything about Draco. She really was behind, and it was hard for you to do her late work as you had new assignments to do yourself. Pansy found a similar difficulty, leading you both to spend your Friday night poured over textbooks in the common room.

“Hard at work, girls?” you and Pansy looked up to see Blaise and Klein.

They fell into the couch across form you where you sat at a wooden desk against the wall. You had pulled two large armchairs to the table, the leather giving you some sort of relief as you bent over the work. Klein’s long arms stretch the length of the two person couch, and his stalky fingers tapped against it. Blaise leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his knees as he stared at Pansy. Klein eyed you hungrily, obviously enjoying the sight of your tie undone and your skirt riding up as you sat with your legs tucked beneath you.

Normally, you and Pansy would have engaged the boys, entertained yourselves with their mindless presence, but you had real things to do. Blaise and Klein may have been handsome, but they definitely weren’t the company you wanted right now.

“Hello Blaise,” Pansy mumbled tiredly, not looking up from the Transfiguration essay she was about to finish, “how’re you?”

“I’m alright,” he said airily, leaning back into the couch and taking Pansy’s simple question as an invitation to stay and talk.

You fought the urge to groan, not looking up form the Arithmancy problems you scrawled over and over. 

“How about we sneak to the kitchens tonight?” Klein suggested, and you heard the smirk in his voice without having to look at him.

“We’re busy,” you said curtly, clenching your jaw as you came across a difficult set of numbers.

Pansy looked up at you from her paper, flashing you a warning look. You rolled your eyes, giving her an exasperated look. She raised her eyebrows, her face becoming stern. You sighed, releasing the tight grip on your quill.

“I’m sorry boys,” you forced your sweetest voice, “we’ve got loads of homework to do before the party tomorrow. Another time?”

Blaise looked disappointed, but accepting. Klein stood to his full height, and your eyes followed him as he grew. He looked down at you with a playful smirk, licking his lips.

“Of course. We’ll see you tomorrow?”

You nodded and Pansy waved kindly to Blaise. You decided then that you were no longer interested in Klein. He had been fun when he got flustered just from a glance, but now he was becoming like every other teenage boy. His smirks made you want to gag, and his lingering looks were creepy. You figured you’d tell him tomorrow night, if you still cared that much by then. 

You and Pansy continued to work until Pansy slouched back in her chair and groaned loudly.

“I can’t get it done tonight. I’ll have to work on it tomorrow,” she pouted, but looked resolute.

You didn’t bother to attempt another guilt trip, or convince her otherwise. Pansy’s mind was made up. You had to go to this party alone. Pansy wouldn’t let you stay in the dorm all night with her, either, so it’s not like you even had a choice. At least Klein wouldn’t bother you. He seemed to only have the guts to come up to you if Blaise did too, and he wouldn’t come up to you if you weren’t with Pansy. Now all you had to do was make sure not to get roped into an argument with Draco. You had to be the bigger person for one night and make sure you wouldn’t do anything you’d regret in the morning.

Pansy was right, she couldn’t get all her work done that night. She sat on her bed with books sprawled around her. You looked at yourself in the mirror, smoothing your hands over the clothe hugging your body. You looked good, you felt good.

“You’re going to be fine,” Pansy reassured you for the tenth time as you sat at the end of her bed, “you can go to parties without me.”

“Okay, but if I come back here tonight having lost a shoe or something, it’s your fault,” you joked, smiling as Pansy laughed.

You, Daphne, and Millicent stayed in your dorm for a little while longer. You moved some clothes around in your trunk, lifting a hidden compartment at the bottom. You retrieved two bottles of firewhisky, handing them to Daphne and Millicent. You closed your trunk, meeting the impressed expressions of the girls. Usually Fred and George Weasley provided alcohol for the school, known for their impressive parties. You and Pansy, however, had your own supply you liked to keep for rainy days. While this wasn’t a rainy day, you couldn’t help the need for a little liquid courage as you had to go to your first party without your best friend. You took the bottle from Millicent and Pansy giggled as she looked up from her Ancient Rune dictionary to watch you take a large swig of the drink.

You felt it burn as it traveled down your throat, and it spread through your body like a warm blanket. You handed the bottle back to Millicent, and the three of you finished off an entire bottle. You didn’t want to go downstairs until you heard the music become loud enough, and by the time you were putting the empty bottle back in your trunk, the party roared downstairs. 

The three of you said goodbye to Pansy and went to the common room. The music became louder and louder as you got closer to the party. Soon, Daphne was dragging you and Millicent to a large table with assorted drinks. You watched a boy on the other side of the table pouring himself a heavy amount of a clear liquid. He met your eyes and handed you the bottle. You looked at the label but all that was there was a cartoon drawing of a witch with bubbles spouting from her mouth. You raised your eyebrow at the boy, and he smiled, taking a sip of his drink. You filled your own cup with the liquid, drinking it quickly. It burned more than the firewhisky did, but it was still enjoyable.

You felt your head feel lighter as Daphne clasped onto your hand to pull you out to the dance floor. You danced with her, and as you moved your cup slid from your hand. You and Daphne looked at it for a moment, the cup spilled over as a wet spot formed on the carpet. You looked back up at each other and fell into a fit of giggles. 

You continued to dance, looking around the crowd with ease. You felt like someone was staring at you, but you couldn’t find anyone in particular. The music and alcohol coursed through your veins. You felt lighter than you had in months, no worrying thoughts of homework or boys, or even Draco Malfoy.

The second you thought about how you weren’t thinking about Malfoy, you were immediately thinking about him. Part of you missed the hateful sparks between you, the natural narrow of your eyes at the sight of him. 

Your body tensed involuntarily, and your drunk subconscious was already hoping to see his blond hair in the crowd. You tugged your bottom lip between your teeth, thinking of what to say so Draco’s stern face would devolve into a furious expression. 

You slowed next to Daphne, a wicked look overtaking your dazed face.

“What is it?” Daphne shouted into your ear, pulling you closer by your arm.

“I’ve got to go find someone,” you shouted back, “I’ll be back in a second.”

You were moving through the crowd before Daphne could reach out and stop you. A small voice in the back of your head sounded a bit like Pansy, her familiars warnings from the last party you were at with Draco. She had found you as you were just about to pour your drink down his front, and her soothing words floated into your drunken mind like good-natured clouds.

“He’s not worth it, honestly. All the stress he causes you is going to give you wrinkles, you don’t want wrinkles. Leave him be,” Pansy was right then and she would have been right again. Alas, Pansy was not here and her words did not echo loud enough in your head as you finally found the blond.

He was draped across a leather couch. His legs dangled off the arm as his head was perched on a pile of blankets. At the floor, Crabbe and Goyle hunched over, goblets clutched loosely in their seemingly unconscious hands. Draco’s eyes were closed, his long eyelashes delicately hovering over his pink flushed cheeks. His hair was pushed off his forehead, falling in handsome tufts onto the blankets under him. You stood there for a moment, interchanging which leg to rest your weight on.

“Are you going to say something,” Draco suddenly drawled, barely loud enough to be heard over the music, “or are you content to sit in silence for once?”

You scoffed, taking a breath that made your chest rise. You walked towards him, curling your warm fingers around his legs and flinging them off the arm of the couch. His body twisted and his eyes opened at the touch. You sat next to him, at least a foot between the both of you.

“What do you want?” he asked, leaning over to take Crabbe and Goyle’s full goblets from them. He handed you Goyle’s as he drank from Crabbe’s.

“Just wanted to see if you had done anything embarrassing that I could tell the whole school about tomorrow,” you lied, taking a considerable sip from the goblet.

Draco scoffs next to you, “Not yet, darling.”

You gave Draco a glance. He seemed distressed about something. The way he cradled the goblet in his hands and drank with an urgency was the way someone drinks when their upset.

“What’s got your panties all tied up, Draco?” you asked teasingly, leaning in his direction slightly.

Draco looked at your lidded eyes, the natural smirk on your pretty lips, the outfit you wore that you looked absolutely amazing in; he couldn’t feel any rage as he looked at you that night.

“You,” he said softly, staying stiffly straight but turning his head to face you.

You felt your cheeks warm, looking at him with a curious smirk.

“Really?” you indulged, wondering what else Draco may drunkenly confess. His words weren’t slurring like yours, but the faint pink flush on his cheeks and his unseemly kindness told you he was not sober.

He nodded silently, looking down at the goblet in his lap.

“Draco,” you said, turning to rest your back against the arm of the couch as your legs spread on the cushions. Your feet were inches from touching Draco’s thighs, and he tensed as he looked at the lack of space, “You’ve been acting odd with me recently.”

Draco, if possible, tensed even more at your statement. He was not nearly as drunk as you thought he was, or as you were.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he stuttered, biting his bottom lip. This was the first time you had ever seen Draco Malfoy seem flustered. 

“Draco?” you slurred, not speaking again until he turned his face to yours.

You moved forward, bending your legs so you still didn’t touch him, but so your face was close to his.

“Do you fancy me?” you drawled, intrigued. 

Draco’s previously tense and stiff stature seemed to relax, as if a secret was released that he had been bottling up. He brought his goblet to his lips slowly, and you did the same, the both of you finishing off what Crabbe and Goyle had been drinking. 

“If I’m going to be honest-” Draco had turned his head to you and began speaking, but you weren’t listening. His lips looked so soft and his eyes looked so kind, you couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him.

He was surprised at first, unmoving against your lips. You smiled, still against him, and it seemed to make him realize what was happening. Within seconds, one of his hands was on your waist as the other was on your cheek. You sighed into the kiss, tasting a cinnamon flavored alcohol on his tongue as he slid it into your mouth. Your brought your hands to his neck, unable to stop yourself from playing with his hair. You ran your fingernails across his scalp and down to the nape of his neck, smiling again as he moaned into your lips.

You pulled away when it felt like your lungs needed air, which they did, and kept your eyes closed. Your shoulder fell into the side of the couch, your forehead resting on Draco’s shoulder. 

You felt yourself drifting off into a drunken sleep, your body feeling heavy as it slumped into Draco’s.

“I really like you, Y/n. I really do,” Draco confessed from beside you, stroking your hair, “I think you’re the most clever person I’ve ever met.”

You felt your heart swoon at his confession, wondering if he said it because he thought you were already asleep, or if the alcohol was affecting him as much as you. You shifted, bringing your legs to fall into his lap, to which Draco wrapped his slender fingers around your thigh and pulled your closer to his body.

“I hope you’re not too drunk to remember this,” he mumbled, his own eyes fluttering shut as the both of you fell asleep. 

[gubler-me-up]

Broken Telephone

Request: Spencer Request. You're new to the team, having transferred from the NYPD and are also studying for a Doctorate at the same time. Spencer falls in love with you straight away, but saddens when he hears you talking to JJ about a guy you do a load of fun activities with a guy and a little girl. He assumes you're taken and it breaks his heart. Eventually, he finds out you were talking about your cousin and his daughter & asks you out on a date, and you say yes.

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! This was a really cute, fun request to write! Starting it was tough though because I didn’t know the exact tone I wanted for it. I hope it’s okay though! When I was reading through the beginning part before I edited it I was like “I have a whole degree in English and I can’t even write properly i hate it here” LOL the first paragraph was a MESS but I fixed it. I think the rest is fine! Enjoy, love!!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content warning: None

Word count: 1.7k

-------------

Upgrading from NYPD to the BAU was probably your greatest career move to date. You hated how NYPD operated and dealt with crimes. It made you so frustrated. If you weren’t born and raised in New York you wouldn’t even be a part of NYPD. You felt as if New York would always be your home, but sometimes you had to branch out to find what’s best for you.

Moving to Washington, D.C. was a completely new start for you and you felt as if it were only right you changed a few things about yourself. First, you cut your hair shorter. Very cliche of a restart arc, but you thought you’d feel free with less weight weighing your head down. You also bought an actual house. After years of living in a small, cramped apartment you thought it was right to invest in something bigger and more welcoming.

The biggest thing you were proud of during the transition to the BAU was finishing your Ph.D. in Linguistics. You had wanted to complete it years ago, but found it difficult to focus on it while at NYPD. With the bureau they allowed you to work on your Ph.D. as long as you worked your agreed-upon hours every week. It felt amazing to finally have a support net to motivate you towards your dreams.

You weren’t the only one excited about your Ph.D. though. Your coworker, Dr. Spencer Reid, couldn’t wait to see you during your time in to discuss your Ph.D. with you. As soon as you walked to your desk, he’d be the first one to greet you with a huge, lovable smile, rosy red cheeks and a sparkle in his eyes. You had never seen someone so animated over linguistics before. If you two weren’t talking about linguistics or random facts he would spurt out, the conversation was about you.

On one particular day though, the good doctor was running late to work. You were kind of disappointed you weren’t greeted with a daily dose of facts early in the morning. The second best thing happened when JJ walked towards your desk with two Starbucks coffees.

“Ugh, if I knew you a few years earlier, I would have married you before Will could ever dream to,” you said.

She laughed. “I don’t think Spence would allow that to happen without a fight. He’s been quite the busy bee around you.”

She handed you your drink as you pondered on what she said. Just maybe he had a slight crush on you. The way he expressed his interest was adorable for sure. You preferred his way of flirting over the typical sexualized pick-up lines many men in your life have used.

“Are you saying super-genius Dr. Spencer Reid has a crush on me? I won’t believe it until he runs some tests about your theory,” you said as you took a sip of your coffee.

“Maybe he’ll ask you out one of these days between statistics,” she said.

You smiled. “That would be nice. I just hope he doesn’t do it this weekend. Remember I told you how Adrian was visiting this weekend? He’s bringing the little one with him.”

“Oh, really? What’s their name?”

“Her name’s Rhea. She’s the cutest little thing ever.”

You pulled out your phone to look for a picture of them. You found a picture of the three of you from a few months ago before you left for D.C. You turned your phone to JJ and she instantly melted.

“Oh my gosh, she’s adorable,” she said.

You proudly smiled. “Right. She’s the cutest four-year-old I know. I think I was the happiest one in the room when I met her for the first time. Adrian was a puddle of tears and nerves from the reality of taking care of this little girl forever. He treats her like an absolute princess.”

“You both are lucky to have her in your lives. She looks like a ray of sunshine.”

“She is. We do so many fun things together. The last time we hung out we went to this trampoline park. This weekend we’re going to the food festival.”

“That does sound like a lot of fun. Maybe I’ll bring Will and the kids there.”

You were going to respond to JJ until you noticed Reid sitting at his desk which was diagonally across from yours. You hadn’t even noticed him come in at all let alone sit down to start his workday. He had already buried his nose deep into case files. JJ looked at Reid with as much confusion as you did. He was never quiet unless something was troubling him.

“No fact today for me, doctor?” You joked.

He looked up at you. He had no sparkle in his eye or a blush painted on his face. He looked disappointed. You were confused as to what made your chatty doctor become so mute.

“I just wanted to start these case files,” he said.

“You sure there isn’t anything wrong, Spence?” JJ asked.

“No, I’m fine. I just gotta finish these before Hotch comes in,” he said.

He then buried his face back into the file without uttering another word. You and JJ looked at each other. You were concerned there was something wrong, but JJ’s look said to leave it alone for now. You sighed and took another long sip of your coffee. You stared at him out of the corner of your eye. You hoped whatever he was going through he’d tell you eventually.

————

You packed your things up to leave 20 minutes ago, but stuck around your desk until you saw Reid also getting ready to leave. You wanted to inquire about his miserable attitude towards you. You noticed throughout the day he was normal with everyone else except you. When you tried to spark conversation, he would give you quick, to the point answers before he made a B-line back to his desk. He gave you no choice but to crack him.

As soon as you saw him put his books and files into his satchel. He swung the strap around his shoulder and made his way to the door. He didn’t even look at you the whole time he got ready to leave. This was getting ridiculous to you. You picked up your purse and ran towards him before he caught the elevator.

“Spencer,” you called out.

He turned to look at you. “What’s up?”

You looked at him confused. “What’s up with me? What’s up with you?”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you haven’t talked to me or even looked at me longer than a second today.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“You weren’t too busy to tell Morgan how many microscopic mites were living on his face today.”

“I thought it was valuable information he needed to know.”

“And you didn’t think it would be valuable to tell me?”

“In the moment, no.”

He went to go press the button for the elevator but you stopped his hand. You grabbed his hand tightly to make sure he didn’t escape your grip. He looked at you as if he was uncomfortable with you touching him. You knew awhile ago he had thing about not liking to shake hands, but you had stepped over that barrier with him a long time ago.

“I don’t think you should be doing this,” he quietly said.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Why not?”

“I feel as if I’ve been intruding,” he said.

“Intruding on what?”

“Your family life.”

You let go of his hand as you stood there in shock. You didn’t understand what he meant when he said that. If he wanted to ask you out all he had to do was ask and you’d sort out your schedule. Adrian and Rhea would understand if you took a few hours to go on your first date in over two years.

“You think you’re intruding on my family life? How so?” You asked.

“If you really want to know I wanted to take you to the food festival this weekend because I know how much you love unique foods, but then I heard you and JJ talking about your partner and daughter coming this-“

“Hold up, wait,” you said before bursting into an uncontrollable laugh.

He looked at you funny. You watched as he stared in confusion as you laughed at his interpretation of your conversation with JJ. To be fair you had never mentioned Adrian and Rhea to him before, but you didn’t know he’d be eavesdropping in your conversation with JJ.

“You think Adrian’s my partner and Rhea’s my kid? Well, I’m proud to say that for once in Dr. Spencer Reid’s life he is completely, utterly wrong.”

“What?”

“Yeah, Adrian’s my cousin and Rhea’s his daughter. They’re coming to visit me from New York for the weekend. Adrian’s basically like a big brother to me.”

His face went from confused to embarrassed in a fraction of a second. His face turned to that noticeable red and an awkward smile spread across his face. You continued to laugh at his demeanour as you pressed the elevator button, so the two of you could actually get going.

“Oh. I’m so sorry for being weird to you, Y/N. I just felt terrible for thinking about asking you on a date while you were in a committed relationship,” he said.

“I get it, I do. I think you can make it up to me though,” you said.

The elevator dinged and the two of you stepped inside. He looked at you in amusement. You looked back at him with a big smile on your face and big, hopeful eyes. He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Would you like to go on a date?” He asked.

You nodded your head. “I’d love to. We can even go to the food festival, so you can meet Adrian and Rhea in person.”

“That would be nice. I heard you telling JJ how lovely they are.”

“I bet they seem even lovelier now that you know they’re not my partner and child.”

“You can say that.”

—–

MASTERLIST

[wholesomemendes]

Top of the List

Summary: You’re a junior in college who spends almost all of your time stuck in either your dorm room or the library until you’re forced to go to a frat party where you meet Shawn, who immediately changes your whole college experience. 

Author’s Note: I’m backkkkkk. I am so so excited about this one. This was based off a request I got in like May or something like that basically so insanely long ago and I never got to it because I knew it was going to be long. I kinda went off track with the request too a little bit, but I hope you love it as much as I do. It’s my baby so please be kind (also it’s my birthday so please don’t hurt my feelings too much lol). As always, I love hearing any type of feedback and I love you all x

Word Count: 12.2k

The door of your dorm room slammed open as your roommate rushed inside, frantically throwing her bag onto her bed and rummaging through her closet. You peered over the top of your laptop where you were busy editing an essay you had just finished for a class, watching her distressed state with curious eyes. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Natalie asked almost breathlessly, settling on a silk, light pink top with a plunging v-neck and a short black skirt.

“Why are you rushing so much? Where are you going?”

You would’ve thought you had grown three heads by the way she looked at you and the way she rolled her eyes when she noticed you were being dead serious made you slightly cave in on yourself in disappointment. “How do you not know what’s going on tonight? Sigma Alpha Epsilon is throwing another one of their huge parties, it’s all everyone has been talking about for the past two weeks.”

“I don’t know, must’ve just gone over my head,” you mumbled, feeling a little self-conscious about your lack of knowledge on what was going on in the social life of your campus. Ninety-nine percent of the time your head was stuck in a book or hunched over your laptop doing homework in the library so it really shouldn’t have been a surprise that this party was nowhere on your radar.

“Well now you know, so you’re going with me. Chop chop you’ve got to get dressed.”

“HA, you think I’m going to a party?”

She raised an eyebrow at you, silently challenging you to disagree with her, “Um, yes you are. Connor invited me which means I’m inviting you because he invites like 20 girls and I don’t want to be stuck alone all night.”

“You’re not going to be alone all night,” you sighed, closing your laptop before swinging your legs off the side of the bed, “You’re popular enough on campus that you’ll be able to find someone to hang out there with if I’m not there.”

“I know, but it’d be more fun if you were there with me. Pleaseeeeeee.” Natalie pulled out her best puppy dog eyes on you, her bottom lip jutting out to make her face look more innocent, “I’ll even do your makeup and hair for you….and you can borrow some of my clothes!”

“What, are my clothes not good enough or something?”

“They are! They’re just a little too, what’s the word I’m looking for, conservative for a party. You need something a little bit scandalous, you know? Gotta give the boys a little something something.” She wiggled her eyebrows at you before letting out a huff of annoyance and getting up to grab your hand to pull you off of the bed, “Come on, no excuses. Let’s get you ready for tonight.”

__________________________

This wasn’t your scene. Natalie had left you to go play beer pong about thirty minutes after you stepped foot into the loud, alcohol-stenched frat house, but you soon lost sight of her when Connor whisked her away after their team won against two other frat boys to what you could only assume would be his bedroom. You didn’t mind that she left you, you’d rather have one of you enjoying yourself then have her be miserable trying to entertain you. The tight shirt and skirt Natalie forced you into didn’t seem like such a bad idea when you were staring at yourself in the mirror of your dorm (to be honest the way she did your hair and makeup gave you a newfound confidence you hadn’t had in years), but now as you stood in the corner of the kitchen quietly nursing your drink while your eyes scanned the crowd of sweaty college students, you couldn’t feel more insecure and self-conscious. Your arms wrapped around your center, desperately trying to cover up what little skin was to be seen and you wished that Natalie would come down those stairs any second to go back to your dorm with you. You were so lost in your thoughts you hardly noticed the stench of beer get stronger around you or the heat of another body on your shoulder until the unknown person was up against you. “Hey,” the boy who you recognized from one of your writing classes and were pretty sure was a part of another fraternity on campus slurred, “You wanna come dance with me, sexy?”

“Um, no I’m ok, thanks though.” You tried to turn and walk away from him, but were stopped abruptly by his hand gripping your wrist and pulling you closer to him again.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” he breathed into your ear, hot breath fanning across your face in the process making you cringe inward on yourself, “I’d love to feel that ass of yours up against me.”

“I said no, I don’t want to dance with you.” You could feel the panic rising in your throat, causing your words to come out broken and weak, and you desperately wished someone would see the fear in your eyes and come help you. His grip on you tightened the more you resisted and in that moment you wished you had never been stupid enough to listen to Natale about how fun this party was going to be.

“And I said you should come dance with me. So why don’t you-” HIs hand was pried off your wrist in seconds and you rubbed the spot where it had left, holding it close to your chest in fear.

“I think she already said no, buddy.” Your savior came in the form of a curly, brown haired boy that stood at least a couple inches over your unwanted dance partner. A scowl was evident on his face, his brown eyes hard and dark, “Now you should probably get out before I ban you from ever stepping foot in this place again.”  The other boy left, but not before rudely shoulder checking the person you believed was your hero, which only earned him a scoff in return. “God, can’t stand people like that. They have no common decency for anyone.” He made eye contact with you for the first time that night and your heart skipped a beat, your body feeling somewhat small compared to his tall height. He saw the fearful look in your eyes and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder before looking you up and down for any signs of damage from the previous encounter, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I am now that you saved me,” you mumbled slightly, lowering your gaze to your cup in order to avoid his worried look, “Thank you, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t stepped in.”

“Well I’m glad I could help. I’m Shawn, by the way, I don’t think we’ve ever met.” Sticking his hand out for you to shake, he gave you a dazzling smile and you immediately recognized him as the president of the fraternity, the one your roommate was constantly talking about trying to get into his pants. Seeing him up close for the first time, you couldn’t help but understand why all the girls wanted to get with him and why a lot of those girls did get with him. There was a blue bandana wrapped around his head pushing back the beautiful curls that adorned his head and his chiseled jaw and bright eyes entranced you, making it hard to look away. His black t-shirt was frayed at the top near the buttons, allowing his few chest hairs to peak out, and his muscles practically bulged out of the short sleeves. You noticed a few tattoos along his arms, one being the one all of the hockey players got after they won their championship, as you shook his hand, but his strong grip broke you out of your thoughts and forced you to look at him again.

“I’m Y/n.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Do you need another drink? I know where all of the good alcohol is if you want it,” he winked at you, a smug smirk on his lips as he held his hand up to his face as if he was telling you something top secret.

You looked at the almost empty beer in your hand sadly, but the thought of getting another drink absolutely disgusted you at the moment, “No thank you. I think I’m going to head out actually, I’m a little shaken up to be honest.”

“Don’t go because of that!” Shawn’s voice sounded rushed as if he desperately wanted you to stay, though you pushed the thought aside, knowing that he couldn’t care less about what you did. “If you want you can stay by me for the rest of the night or if you came with someone you can always use my name, I’ve learned it can get you a long way sometimes.”

Your eyes met his once again and you tried to push the butterflies that you were feeling down your throat. “I’m just here with my roommate, but I think she went up with one of your friends,” you admitted bashfully, rubbing your hand up and down your arm nervously, “I haven’t seen her in awhile. Parties aren’t exactly my thing, I’m only here because she forced me to come, so I think I’m just going to text her and then head out.”

“You’re going to walk home alone? Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t have any better ones right now.”

“Easy. I’ll walk you home.” He leaned against one of the walls comfortably as he spoke, a large smile on his face the entire time. There wasn’t a look of regret on his face, but you still questioned his motives. Why would he want to go out of his way to make sure you got home safe? Was he just trying to get you in bed with him? But if he was then why was he so adamant about getting that guy off of you?

“Don’t worry about it Shawn, really, I’ll be ok.”

“It’s either that or you’re staying in my room tonight so you don’t have to walk home alone.” There was a confident look in his eyes and he knew he had you beat, causing you to roll your eyes before walking past him towards the door.

His eyes followed you curiously as you walked away, watching as you turned around and beckoned him forward, “Come on then, I want to be asleep before 4,” leaving him to trail behind you like a puppy at your feet. __________________________

The two of you walked to your dorms in a mix of comfortable silence and easy conversation that sparked in the 10 minutes it took to get you home. It was surprising how little awkward tension there was for two people on completely different sides of the spectrum who had never met before today, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You learned he was majoring in music, something that his parents weren’t one hundred percent confident with, though they still supported him nonetheless he assured you, and that he had been playing hockey since he was 6. The moment you got to the door of your building you stopped, ready to thank him for walking with you and move on with the rest of your night, preferably reading your essay one more time before heading to bed, but Shawn had other plans. “Why’d you stop? Did you forget your key or something?”

“No,” you looked at him with furrowed brows, “I think I can walk up to my dorm myself.”

He crossed his arms defensively with a stern look on his face, “Oh I get it, you don’t want me to know which room you’re in. I saved you from some creep and you still think I’m just like him don’t you."

“It’s not that, I just don’t feel comfortable bringing you up to my dorm after we just met.”

“Which is a big deal because…”

“Isn’t me saying that it makes me uncomfortable enough of a reason?” you asked him, mimicking his position as a tiny bit of anger grew inside of you.

Shawn scoffed, rolling his eyes at your words, “Honey, if I wanted to get you in my bed, you’d already be in there by now. There’s no reason to worry about me doing anything to you if you let me walk you up there.”

“Excuse me? Just because you’ve gotten with the entire cheerleading team…”

“Not true...”

“And at least half of the sorority girls…”

“Half is pushing it a little bit…”

“Doesn’t mean that you’d be able to get with me. I don’t have time for a relationship right now and I don’t do random hookups, thank you very much. So thank you for saving me at the party and thank you for walking me home, but that will be all. Good night, Shawn.” With that you turned on your heels, using your key card before slamming the door in his face and heading up the stairs to your dorm. You couldn’t believe it. Right when you thought you were forming a type of friendship or a least mutual respect for someone that wasn’t your roommate it all fell apart like it always did. What were you thinking when Shawn Mendes was the definition of a frat boy? Why would he want to be friends with someone like you? You couldn’t even lie and say that it didn’t hurt a little when he said he would’ve already tried to get you in bed if he wanted to. Were you really that ugly that the boy who practically got with any female that wanted to didn’t want to get with you? Not that you would sleep with him if he had asked you, you did have an unspoken rule with yourself that you didn’t want to do hookups in college, but at least knowing that he found you attractive would have given you a slight confidence boost. You already hated how you had never been asked out by the boys in college, even though you weren’t exactly looking for a guy or putting yourself out there to be asked on a date, and how every girl seemed to sneer at you when you walked past. So that night you cuddled yourself under the covers, vowing to never step foot in another frat house again no matter how much Natalie begged. __________________________

“What are you doing tonight?” Natalie launched herself onto your bed, causing you to let out a groan when she landed on you.

You pushed her off of you while she laughed, making you roll your eyes, “Probably just binge watching some Netflix honestly. Why?”

“Really? That wasn’t what I thought you’d say at all.”

“What’d you think I was going to say?” you laughed as she sat up and leaned against your wall.

“Oh, something along the lines of ‘I have to study for a test that I’ve already taken and rewrite my essay for the thirtieth time’”, she said in a high pitched voice you soon realized was her impression of you.

“Hey, I do not sound like that! And besides, laugh all you want about it, but I’m at the top of the class so I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m just surprised you’re giving yourself a break.”

“I am,” you told her with a smile, “I have no homework to finish tonight or tests coming up or essays that need to be turned in, so I’m finally letting myself have a night off.”

“Or…”

You raised an eyebrow at her, “Or what.”

“Or you could come to the hockey game tonight with me so I’m not alone.”

“Oh hell no, Nat, I’m not doing this again.” You grabbed your laptop off of your side table, already ready to pop open your tv series for the night.

“What do you mean you’re not doing this again? It’ll be fun!”

“Last time you convinced me to go somewhere I almost got harassed by a drunk frat boy and then I got into an argument with another frat boy while you were busy hooking up with a different one.”

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad,” she scoffed, climbing off the bed, “Besides, you’ve never been to a hockey game before and you’re a junior. No offense, but do you know how pathetic that sounds. Our school is literally known for hockey! Just once and then I’ll never ask you to go again.” You gave her a stern look, one that threatened her to ask again, but when she flashed her eyes at you, you immediately gave in, rolling your eyes at yourself and already hating yourself for agreeing.

“Fine, but you can’t leave my side the entire night.”

“I promise I won’t! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She brought you into a bone crushing hug before releasing you in favor of searching through her closet for something for the both of you to wear. __________________________

You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t enjoying yourself a little bit. Opposed to last time Natalie was still sitting by your side and you had managed to convince her to let you wear one of your school hoodies and a pair of leggings to keep warm instead of the (as she phrased it) ‘hot ass’ outfit she had picked out for you. It was the final 10 minutes of the game and your team was ahead by four points, something everyone had been assured was an easy win from the start. Still, you could tell why everyone liked going to the games, it was energetic and loud and everything you thought a college game would be, but not as overwhelming. Even though Natalie had decided to sit next to Connor and they were relentlessly flirting and managing to have physical contact with one another the entire time, you were so focused on the game that it wasn’t bothering you as much as you imagined it would when you first sat down. You were entranced by the way the players skated across the ice, your eyes immediately drawing to one player in particular that seemed so comfortable on the ice. The moment you saw the back of his jersey though, MENDES written in bright white lettering, your heart dropped a little bit, not wanting to watch him as much as you were. Though it was hard not to when there was a clear reason he was made captain, so you were left to shamelessly follow his fast, steady movements across the ice.

The game soon ended with a win as expected and you were forced to follow Natalie and Connor deeper into the crowd of students to congratulate the team after they came out of their locker room. The crowd was cheering, adrenaline pumping through the air as you walked down the halls until you reached a large open space. Not long after all of the boys were making their way out, Shawn leading the pack like a true captain. A large portion of the girls (mostly puck bunnies or sorority girls or even some that just wanted some attention from the star himself) immediately crowded along Shawn and you could tell by the look on his face that he was enjoying every last second of it. His eyes scanned the crowd for a brief moment before landing on yours and you swore you could see his smile falter until it became even brighter than before. He excused himself from the hoard of girls as he headed your way, making your heart stop. Was he really coming to see you? What were you going to say? “Good job”? No, you don’t want to congratulate him, he was rude to you the other night. Don’t let him know how you couldn’t stop watching him the entire game, he doesn’t need another boost to his already huge ego. Is he gonna say something first? What if he…

“Hey man, how’d it look from the crowd?” Shawn asked as he bro-hugged Connor. Your heart dropped. Of course he was coming over here to talk to one of his best friends, why would you think he was coming for you? But you could’ve sworn the two of you had made eye contact. Were you really that stupid?

“Great as always, they were easy today anyways.”

“Yeah we went a little easy on them. Last time we absolutely creamed them and then I got threats from their team about how ‘we were gonna pay for embarrassing them like that,’” Shawn scoffed, “Like we were the ones who embarrassed them.” He turned his head, sending a bright smile your way before finally acknowledging you for the first time tonight, “I’ve never seen you at a game before, do you always leave right after it ends?”

You cleared your throat awkwardly, wondering if you should just lie or admit how antisocial you truly were, “No, um this is actually my first hockey game.” Ok, admitting how antisocial you are it is.

“Your first hockey game? What year are you?”

“I’m a junior…”

“You’re a junior and this is your first hockey game?”

“Oh calm down, it’s not that big of a deal,” Natalie chimed in, sensing your discomfort at the situation at hand.

“Wait, don’t tell me.” Shawn rubbed his forehead as if he was thinking before snapping his fingers in Natalie’s direction, “You must be Natalie, right? Y/n was telling me all about you the other night.”

“The other night?”

“Yeah, I walked her home after the party last week. She didn’t tell you?”

Her eyes went wide, looking in your direction with her mouth hanging open while you caved in on yourself, “No, she failed to mention that you were the one to walk her home.”

“Damn, you were that ashamed of me, eh?” Shawn let out a light chuckle before slinging an arm around you to pull you closer to him.

“Wasn’t exactly my proudest moment,” you mumbled, trying your hardest not to lean into his body that seemed so tempting. You didn’t know what body wash he used in his shower, the shower was evident by the slightly wet hair on his head that made him look absolutely breathtaking, but it was extremely inviting and you wanted nothing more than to snuggle your head into his chest and breathe it through your senses.

“Anyways, are you two coming to the party tonight?”

“I mean…” Natalie started, but you cut her off immediately.

“No, we’re heading back after this,” you gave a pointed look in her direction, “Right, Nat?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh come on, don’t be such a party pooper Y/n,” Shawn whined, ruffling your hair and laughing as you swatted his arm away.

“I’m not a party pooper, I’m just,” you stuttered for a second trying to find a decent excuse, “Just not quite dressed appropriately for a party, don’t you think?”

“Nonsense, I think you look great. But if it’s that big of a deal you can borrow my practice jersey and you’ll be all set.” Before you could protest Shawn was already reaching down into his duffle bag and producing a bright blue jersey with his name on the back. It was clear that this wasn’t just some jersey you’d buy in the school spirit shop, it looked as professional as it could, except the different design and tattered edges showed that it was made for practice.

“I’m not putting that on.”

“Why not? I promise it doesn’t smell and besides, don’t you want to let Nat have some fun?” He waved the jersey in front of you with a teasing smile on your face, causing you to roll your eyes before you snatched it out of his grip and pulled it over your sweatshirt. “That’s what I thought,” Shawn smirked as he put his arm back around your shoulders, “Now come on, I’ll drive, Y/n can be shot gun.” __________________________

No more than ten minutes later you were parked back at the same frat house you had been at the week prior and the mere thought of it made you sick. However, you didn’t know how much longer you could stay in Shawn’s jeep where he was stealing glances at you every five seconds and trying to annoy you in every way possible. He’d find every way possible to try and touch you in some way, whether it was a poke in the face or moving a strand of hair behind your ear, and constantly make comments that you wanted to laugh at, but wouldn’t be caught dead showing him that. So the second he parked you were already out of the car, breathing in a deep breath of clean air to make sure the scent of Shawn that was so heavy in his jeep would leave your senses. “Wow, was the drive that bad that you’re so eager to leave?”

You were praying with every ounce of your body that Shawn couldn’t see the blush on your face when he made eye contact on with you that teasing smile on his face, but the way Natalie snickered as she got out of the back of the jeep told you that she definitely knew. “No, I just get claustrophobic easily, that’s all.”

“Mhm.” Shawn looked at you, obviously not believing your excuse, but still motioning you towards the front door nonetheless. There was already a fair amount of people inside, at least enough to make you cringe at the thought of being there. Shawn had a light hold on your arm before leaning into your ear to make sure that you heard him, “I’m going to go get us some drinks. What do you want?”

“I don’t care, you can pick. Just please no shots of anything.”

“Ok, I’ll be back.”

Natalie and Connor were already god knows where, so you were left standing in the main foyer of the frat house, holding your arms around yourself while you looked around awkwardly, waiting for Shawn to return. You felt the familiar feeling of nervousness creeping up your throat and you forced yourself to focus on the smell of Shawn’s jersey and how warm it felt around you as a way to calm your rapid beating heart. He had only been gone a few minutes before someone else was approaching you, making your heart drop when you remembered what went down the last time you were here. “Hey, you wanna come dance with me?”

Hearing those words made you want to throw up, but you tried to keep your head up and your gaze unbothered while you prayed for Shawn to come back. “No thank you.”

“Well, can I go get you a drink then?”

“No, someone’s already…”

The feeling of an arm wrapping around you caused you to freeze until your nose caught onto the scent you had been unintentionally enjoying all night and you allowed yourself to relax into him. “I already got it for her. I think she’s all set, buddy.” The other guy got the hint quickly and backed away into the crowd until he was no more than a mere drop in a pool of people. “Damn, can’t even leave you alone for two seconds before you got some guy hitting on you,” Shawn laughed, but quickly stopped once he noticed the terrified look on your face. “Hey,” he placed a hand on your face to bring your eyes to his, “Did he touch you? Or hurt you?”

“No, no he didn’t, I’m still just a little shaken up from last time I guess,” you mumbled, bringing your gaze down to where your hands were engulfed in the fabric of your sweatshirt, “I’m sorry you have to keep saving me.”

“That’s understandable, it’s never a pleasant experience. And you never need to thank me, it’s just common decency.” You refused to meet his eyes again, but you heard his sigh before he gently grabbed your hand in his and handed you your drink. Your heart fluttered when he took your other hand in his grasp, the feeling of his rough calluses overwhelming your senses. “What do you say we go dance? Get your mind off of things for a little bit, let loose.”

“I don’t know Shawn, I’m not the greatest dancer…”

“You don’t have to be. I promise it will be fun.”

You knew there was a ninety-nine percent chance that you were going to embarrass yourself completely in front of him, but the way he was staring at you like it would break his heart if you said no made up your mind for you in a second. “Ok, let’s go.”

A wide smile broke out on Shawn’s face before he dragged you into the crowd, finding a spot he deemed fit for the two of you to dance in. It started out with just a simple step touch as you started to feel the rhythm of the music and allow yourself to relax as much as possible while sipping on the drink he got you. He tried to make small talk with you even over the loud music, resulting in him having to brush his lips against your ear as he spoke to you. Your heart fluttered with each movement and the alcohol you were consuming wasn’t making it any easier when he’d laugh at something you said, his bright brown eyes crinkling from his cheeks. As the night got longer and your cup became emptier, the distance between the two of you became smaller and smaller until your chest was pressed right against his. His free hand came up to naturally grasp your waist, but not in a way that made you uncomfortable. On the contrary, it made your stomach do flips that you couldn’t control even if you wanted to. His face was getting close, too close for your muddled brain to do anything rational about it. You didn’t know exactly what was put in the drink (it was delicious though and you knew he would tell you if you asked), but as a light weight you were definitely feeling the effects of it, so just as his nose touched the tip of yours you pulled away, muttering in his ear about how you had to use the bathroom before running off away from the crowd.

After winding through the halls of the house and passing multiple people making out against the walls, you finally reached the bathroom where you shut the door in a hurry, allowing yourself to take a deep breath as you leaned against the counter. Your eyes lifted up to stare at your reflection in the mirror, your brain struggling to process what had just happened. Was he going to kiss you? Was this his plan all along, to get you comfortable enough around him to have you wrapped around his finger? No, that couldn’t have been it. He was so easy to talk to and seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say and what you were doing. He wouldn’t do that just to get with you, would he? Your thoughts are interrupted by a series of knocks on the door, followed by a worried voice, “Y/n? Are you ok in there?”

“Yeah! I’ll, um, I’ll be right out!” You splashed some water onto your face in an effort to calm yourself down to a degree before opening the door to be met with Shawn’s concerned face.

“I’m sorry if I rushed you. You just ran out of there so quick I was worried something happened.”

Your heart swelled at how much he seemed to care about you and you willed the heat to leave your face, “No, I’m ok. I did feel a little crowded in there, but I’m ok now, thanks.”

“Yeah, of course. What do you say we go to the kitchen for a little bit to talk in there? It usually isn’t too crowded this far into the party.” You allowed him to take your hand and lead you into the kitchen where, like he said, was completely empty besides a few people every now and then that would come to refill their glass. Most of the alcohol had been moved into various places of the house so there was no fear of a bunch of hammered students coming in and ruining the place. There was a comforting silence between the two of you for a moment, the only sound being the music that could be heard from the main room as you both leaned against the counter next to one another. “I’m glad you came to the game tonight,” Shawn broke the silence, looking at you with a sincere look in his eye, “And thanks for letting me drag you to this party.”

“I don’t think I could’ve said no to the party, you’re pretty convincing,” you admitted, downing the last sip of your drink, “You were really good tonight, too. I never told you earlier, but I couldn’t stop watching you as you played. It’s obvious why you were chosen as captain.”

Shawn let out a nervous chuckle, his own cheeks showing a hint of pink to them, “Thanks, it means a lot. Do you want another drink?”

“No, I’m ok. I get drunk easily so I think I should stop before it gets worse.” You easily learned that you were an extremely honest drunk and if the words you were saying to Shawn were any indicator, you definitely shouldn’t drink anything more.

“That’s a shame, I have a feeling that you’re fun when you’re absolutely plastered.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, you’re already fun as it is, but it takes a while for you to open up. I think I’d get to see you at your fullest, you know what I mean? But that’s just off of my first couple impressions of you, so what do I know.” He finished off his statement by grabbing a beer from the fridge, returning to a spot much closer to you, so close that your shoulders were right up against one another. “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

“No, I’m very comfortable around you,” you whispered, eyes falling down to his smooth, red lips.

He caught the motion of your eyes and let his do the same, his face coming just that extra inch closer to yours, “Do you think it would be ok if…”

“Y/n! We’re going home!” Natalie came barging into the kitchen, grabbing your arm and dragging you to the door.

“What? What’s going on?” you asked her, trying to tug your arm away, but her grip was strong and she was dead set on ordering an uber to get out of here as soon as possible.

“I’ll tell you when we get back.”

Your heart dropped as you looked at Shawn who looked just as confused and saddened as you. “Bye Shawn, thanks for bringing us.”

“Wait,” he muttered to himself, running towards the door before Natalie could get you out of it, “Give me your phone really quick.”

“Why?”

“Just trust me.” You unlocked your phone for him and watched as he added his number into your messages, even including a silly picture of him as his contact photo that you knew you’d be laughing at later. “Text me when you’re back at your dorm, eh? Wanna make sure you get home safe.”

Looking into his eyes you saw a completely different man than the one you had yelled at on the first night you met. This one seemed vulnerable as he stared at you, as though he was putting himself bare in front of you and showing you the real him. You nodded your head, taking your phone from his hand before Natalie was pulling you towards the uber. “I promise I’ll text you.”

“Bye Y/n.” __________________________

“What was that for?!” you demanded, staring down your roommate as she fell onto her bed.

“Connor and I got into a fight.”

“I didn’t know the two of you were dating.”

“That’s the thing...we’re not.” She sighed, propping herself up against the wall, “See the thing is...we’re talking I guess, but it’s not exclusive. It’s more like a ‘talking’ so we can hook up if we want to sort of thing.”

“So what does that have to do with you dragging me out of the party.”

“Well I was making out with Tim…”

“Why were you making out with Tim?”

“Because he’s hot and I’m drunk so it was a great idea. That was until Connor saw and got all pissed because apparently I’m not allowed to do that, but he’s all over girls all the time still so I don’t see the big deal! And because I’m so drunk I was over fighting with him for the night and I’m mad so therefore we had to leave.”

“Great,” you muttered, “I was finally having a good time at a party and then you and your hook up had to mess it up.”

“Y/n, I’m sorry. I truly am. If there was a way to make it up to you I’d do it. But preferably when I’m sober.”

“It’s fine, it’s not that big of a deal anyways,” you mumbled before you began to change into some more comfortable clothes for the night. You noticed you were still wearing Shawn’s jersey that you would ultimately have to give him back for the game, but you couldn’t help but think that you could worry about getting it to him tomorrow and maybe that would be your chance to make up for the time you lost tonight. __________________________

The light streamed in through the window of your dorm and you groaned, pushing yourself out of bed to turn off your alarm. You sighed to yourself as you got yourself up and moving for the day, even going as far as making sure that Natalie was still alive and breathing after she came home late last night from a bar before grabbing your bag to head to class. You hated your 8am class, but it was the only slot available that worked with your schedule so you simply had to man up and accept your fate. You were about halfway to your class when you heard a distant voice call out to you and you whipped your head around to meet a smiling curly haired boy running your way. “Y/n, hey,” Shawn smiled at you after finally catching up to you, “Long time no see.”

“Hey, Shawn, how have you been?” You hadn’t seen him since you had dropped his practice jersey off at the doorstep of the frat a few weeks back, but you couldn’t lie and say a part of you was hoping that you’d run into him again.

“Good, miss seeing you at the hockey games though.”

His comment made you blush and you brought your gaze to the floor so he couldn’t see your heated cheeks. “I never really went before so I wasn’t exactly planning on going anytime soon again.”

“You didn’t have a good time?” he asked with a feigned offense, big puppy dog eyes on display as he walked next to you.

“I promise I did, I just prefer to stay in my dorm and study if we’re being honest.”

“I understand,” he nodded thoughtfully, “So where are you headed?”

“English Literature, how about you?”

“Calculus, which if we’re being honest here is not my strong suit. If I don’t get at least a B on this next test they could pull me from the game. I swear I’m not dumb, I just don’t get it I guess.”

“Well, I don’t know if it means anything to you, but I had an A in that class last semester. I could help you out if you want.”

“You’d do that for me?” he asked with wide eyes, bringing you both to a halt in front of your lecture hall. “Of course I would, when’s your test?”

“Next Tuesday, could we meet on Thursday after practice?”

“Sounds perfect. Just text me the time and place.”

“I owe you a bunch.” Shawn leaned in to press a kiss to the top of your temple that left your heart fluttering before making his way over to his own class. __________________________

Thursday felt like it would never come, but there you were sitting alone inside the library at eight thirty at night, waiting for Shawn to arrive from his practice. A million thoughts were swirling through your head the longer you waited and you desperately wished he would show up to give you a distraction from your mind. You were constantly worried that he wouldn’t show up, had planned on ditching you from the start as some kind of sick joke, but that fear was diminished when he stumbled through the doors. “I’m sorry I’m late,” he breathed out, “Practice went later than expected.” A series of students shushed him for being too loud, causing a sheepish expression to grace his face, “Sorry.”

He sat his bag down next to you, sliding in close enough that you would be able to see what the other was doing while still maintaining a safe distance. “Sooo,” you broke the silence as he got his books out, “What do you want to start with?”

The rest of the time was spent discussing Shawn’s upcoming test and explaining what each concept was to the best of your ability. You could tell that he was smart, he just needed a little bit of help, so he was very easy to work with. Besides how hard it was for you to concentrate around him that was. Whenever he leaned in to peer over your work a little more, your heart beat increased rapidly and you held your breath until he moved away again. You couldn’t tell if he was aware of your behaviors, but he seemed extremely unfazed, always dazzling you a bright smile after something made sense to him. It was adorable to you when his eyes would furrow a little bit while he was working and the proud glow on his face when he got a problem right.

Time seemed to go by quick with all the little jokes he was making and soon enough it was eleven at night and the library was beginning to close down. “Guess we should be heading out then,” Shawn laughed, “Unless you plan on sleeping in here tonight.”

“No, not exactly. Was kind of looking forward to my bed if I’m being honest.” A chuckle of your own escaped your lips as you packed up your bag alongside him.

“Did you drive here?”

“No, my car isn’t on campus. I just walked.”

“Well I hope you weren’t planning on walking back too.”

“What other choice do I have?”

Shawn raised an eyebrow at you, “Seriously? You’re going to ask that when I’m literally right here.”

“I’m not going to ask you to drive me home, Shawn.”

“Good thing you’re not asking me, I’m telling you. Now come on, my jeep is right out here.” You didn’t protest this time, knowing he wouldn’t back down from his offer, and instead followed him out to that black jeep you vividly remember from your last trip in it.

The ride back to your dorm was significantly quieter than what your previous encounters with Shawn had been besides the quiet music playing in the background. By the time he had pulled in front of your building, there were hardly any cars to be seen around and all of the students were already inside. Shawn turned his body to face you, “Thanks for the help tonight, I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure. Good luck on your test next week, I know you’ll do great, but you can still text me if you want to meet up again.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He gave you a kind smile when you thanked him for the ride before you opened the door to the brisk night air. “Y/n wait…”

“What?”

“I know you’re not really into parties but…,” his words trailed off as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “There’s this movie night thing at the frat Saturday night and all of the guys are expected to bring a date. Do you maybe wanna come with me?”

You looked at him with wide eyes, “You want me to be your date?”

“Yeah, if you want to be.” Even in the darkness you could see the way his cheeks reddened and he failed to look you in the eye.

“I’d love to go,” you told him truthfully and you couldn’t help but smile with him when his face lit up at your words.

“Really?! That’s, that’s great! You’re supposed to wear your pajamas by the way so I hope that’s ok with you.”

“Perfectly fine with me. Just text me the time later.”

“I will. Bye, Y/n.”

“Bye, Shawn.” He watched you walk into your building with a giddy smile on his face before he drove back to his frat for a sleep that he hoped included dreams of you. __________________________

“What are you getting all dolled up for?”

You look over from where you’re doing your hair to see Natalie laying on her bed staring at you with curious eyes. “I’m going to movie night with Shawn.”

“You’re going to movie night with Shawn?!” Natalie exclaimed, her eyes practically bursting out of her head.

“Yeah, he asked me to go with him as his date.” You tried to keep your calm in front of her and not show how excited you truly were, but your smile was fighting to break free on your face.

“Is he picking you up?”

“No, I’m probably just going to walk or maybe get an uber.”

“Walk? Honey, no. Connor is picking me up, I’ll just text him and ask if he can drive you, too.”

“You don’t need to do that…”

“Nonsense, there’s no reason for you to walk when I’m literally driving to the same place.” Natalie quickly grabbed her phone to text something to Connor before getting up out of bed to walk over and fluff your finally curled hair.

“What’s going on with you and Connor anyways?”

“Oh, we’re just friends with benefits for now,” Natalie said dreamly, her hands separating your curls to make them more natural as she spoke, “But we decided that we’re going to be exclusive. No more arguments about that I guess.” You nodded your head thoughtfully, carefully examining your appearance in the mirror. “Why are you getting ready so early? We don’t have to leave for another two hours.”

“I know, but I thought you’d have to use the curler and mirror, too, so I figured I’d get done early so you could have enough room to do everything.”

“You’re the sweetest ever,” she told you, kissing the top of your head making you scrunch your nose. “Do you want me to do your makeup for you?”

“I’m not sure, I just want to do something natural.” You examined your face with much criticism, trying to decide what you wanted to do to hopefully make you look more appealing to Shawn. You didn’t just think that did you? You’re not really trying to impress Shawn tonight, right? The butterflies in your stomach told you otherwise and you cursed yourself for the thoughts that were taking over your head.

“I can do that,” Nat responded quickly, “Easy. Now what I’m concerned about is what you’re wearing tonight.”

“I was planning on wearing some sweatpants and a tank top or maybe one of my patching pajama tops and bottoms. I wasn’t sure yet.”

“See this is where we’re going to have an issue. Don’t you want to wear something a bit more revealing? Want to impress Shawn a little bit? I have a slip you can borrow if you want or…”

“No, I’m all set, I just want to be comfortable. I appreciate the concern, but you know it’s not me to wear something like that out in public. It makes me uneasy.”

“I know, I know. Let’s just focus on getting your makeup looking absolutely perfect just like you.” __________________________

Connor pulled up to the frat house before unlocking the car door for you and slinging an arm around Natalie’s seat to look back at you, “Why don’t you go in and meet up with Shawn, we’ll be in in one second.” You gave him a forced smile and a small thank you as Natalie giggled and you rolled your eyes the second you got out, happy to finally be away from their never ending teasing of one another. You made your way up to the door of the frat and knocked loud enough to be heard, transferring your weight back and forth out of nervousness. The door opened not long after revealing your date for the night looking as cozy as ever in a pair of grey sweatpants and a cotton white t-shirt. His eyes subtly looked you up and down with a smile on his face. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you breathed out, letting yourself admire him the way he was you.

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you, you look extremely comfy and nice as well.”

“Why thank you, I like the plaid.” You looked down at your plaid sleep pants and tighter fitted grey long sleeve you had on top, your cheeks blushing red at his comment.

“I know I probably am not dressed up like a lot of the other girls, but I just wanted to be comfortable…”

“Stop it, I think you look amazing. Now come inside, I already have a spot for us.” You followed him through the frat house until you came into the kitchen that looked a little different now that it wasn’t filled to the brim with alcohol. “Do you want any hot chocolate? Or tea?”

“I’ll have hot chocolate please.”

“Good choice, good choice,” he chuckled, pouring some of the boiling water into two mugs. “You know, I’m kinda surprised Natalie didn’t force you to wear some form of lingerie like a lot of the girls are.”

“She tried to convince me to, but I didn’t want to. I’m just as surprised as you are though that she let me get away with this.”

“Well, I think it’s better that you came here comfortable rather than wearing any of that.” He handed you your cup, warning you of how hot it was. “Speaking of Natalie, where are her and Connor?”

“Still in the car, they kicked me out right when we got here.”

“Typical,” Shawn snorted before making his way into the living room with you trailing behind him. The room was already about half the way full with couples, if you could even call them that, and the room had a much cozier vibe than what you had previously seen it as. There were blankets everywhere and snacks piled up onto all of the tables. There were a few guys and girls that were obviously not too interested in their date and were mingling with other people instead and some that were extremely interested in their date to the point where it was almost obnoxious. “I got us the seat in the corner by the table. You can put your mug there if you want and those blankets that are there are ours, too. I’m just going to run to the bathroom quickly so you can wait there until I come back or you can go somewhere else.” He kissed your cheek lightly, leaving you with a heated face before he left you alone in the room. You swore you could feel the hard stares of the breathtaking girls around you and you sank yourself down into the couch, desperately wishing Shawn hadn’t left you here by yourself.

You sat there for almost ten minutes before you had decided that you were finished being the target for the judgemental looks and whispers from those around you, peeling yourself out of your spot before heading towards what you were praying was the bathrooms in hopes of running into Shawn on the way. Just as you rounded the corner you could faintly make out a female voice and you snuck your head around only to be met with a sight that made your heart drop. There she was, the drop dead gorgeous head cheerleader you knew had been in Shawn’s sheets multiple times before, with her hand on your date’s chest, that mischievous glint in her eyes that was laced with lust. Shawn’s hands were wrapped around her wrists and although you couldn’t hear their words, you couldn’t help but feel betrayed at the whole situation. Here you are, being made a fool of in front of all of these people who have always seemed to despise you from the start. You finally started letting your guard down for Shawn and what do you get in return? A stabbing pain in your heart. Tears began prickling in your eyes before you turned straight on your heels to head out of the frat without a second thought in your mind.

Just as you were about to reach the door, it opened for you, Natalie and Connor entering with giddy smiles on their faces. But at the sight of you, Natalie’s smile dropped, “Hun, what happened?”

“Nothing, I think I might head out.”

“What?” She made a signal to Connor so that he’d leave the two of you alone and he agreed, whispering something in her ear before moving past you. “Ok, now tell me what happened. You were so happy about coming tonight!” With tears threatening to fall down your face, you told her exactly what you saw from the moment you stepped into the house and before you knew it, you were encased in her arms, her hands rubbing comforting circles on your back. “I’m so sorry, baby. He doesn’t deserve you if he’s going to let her get away with that.”

“Am I stupid to be so affected by this?”

“No, that was a dick move on his part and you are allowed to feel upset about it. What we’re not going to do though is leave, you hear me? Two can play at this game.”

“What do you mean?”

“I meannn, let’s give him a taste of his own medicine. Come on, follow me.” She wiped underneath your eyes before leading you back into the living room towards the couch on the opposite side. Two guys you recognized from the frat were sitting there alone and when you noticed Natalie walking over to them confidently, your heart stopped.

“Nat, what are we doing?”

“Just trust me on this...Hey guys!” The two guys looked up at the sound of her voice, a heavy smirk on both of their lips. “You got any extra room for a little bit?”

“Be my guest,” the blonde one responded and Natalie wasted no time in pushing you to sit next to them.

You stumbled slightly onto the couch, but recovered quickly, sending a light wave to the guys, “Hi.”

They both greeted you back with a smile, leaving Natalie to be quite satisfied as she whispered in your ear, “Be back soon,” and then she was gone.

You weren’t close enough to the guys that it would be considered dangerous to you, but you were definitely closer than you would usually be with some strangers that you had literally just met. The conversation flowed easily between the three of you, not as easily as it did between you and Shawn though, and you found yourself constantly glancing towards the entryway in case he decided to make an appearance. Just as one of the frat members announced that the movie was starting in five minutes Shawn made his way into the living room, his eyes spotting you immediately. You could see his jaw clench from the corner of your eye and the way his eyes hardened was not easy to miss. This only made you up the antics a little more, with a hand moving to the shoulder of the guy closest to you before the sound of your name being called from across the room caught your attention, as well as everyone else’s in the room. You looked over to see Shawn staring at you coldly, his head nodding at the seat he had for you as a signal for you to come back. “Thanks for the seat boys, but I better be heading back,” you told them with a cheeky smile that they returned to you before heading over towards Shawn. You could feel the strong gaze of the other couples and you desperately wished that you could curl in on yourself and disappear. Once you were close enough to him he pulled you down harshly into his lap, wrapping his arms around you and whispering in your ear, “What the hell were you doing over there?”

You wriggled out of his arms, but still laid next to him, allowing him to bring the blanket up and over you with his arm around you. “I was making some new friends to keep me company since you were so busy with Vanessa when you were supposed to be just using the bathroom.”

“Fuck,” he said under his breath, “Listen, I don’t know what you saw, but…”

“I don’t want to hear it Shawn, I just want to watch the movie and leave.”

“No, I want you to listen to me because I can see how you might have taken this the wrong way.”

“Was there a right way to take it?” you whispered back angrily, feeling his arm tighten around you so that he could bring his mouth closer to your ear.

“Not from your point of view, but I swear I didn't mean to hurt you. I haven’t been answering her texts for the last two months and threatened to block her last week and she was all butthurt about it, saying that she wanted things to go back to when she could call me for a booty call whenever she felt like it. And I don’t want that anymore. I’ve got my eye on someone right now and I wouldn’t mess up my chance with her like that.”

“If you have your eye on someone then why didn’t you bring her tonight?”

“I did.” You looked up at him as the lights were turned off and you caught a glimpse of his eyes before he was facing the screen and pulling you closer to his chest. You snuggled into him and wrapped your arm around his body too, leaving the both of you with graceful smiles on your faces. __________________________

Of course the guys had picked a scary movie for the night, causing you to squeeze Shawn a little tighter at every jump scare. He didn’t mind though, it only gave him an excuse to pull you closer to him and press light, comforting kisses into your hair. Somewhere between the halfway point of the movie when you tucked your head into Shawn’s chest at a particularly frightening scene and the end of the movie, you found yourself dozing off, eventually falling into a light slumber cuddled up against him. The even beating of his heart lulled you to sleep until you felt him shaking you softly, whispering your name into your ear. “Hey, the movie’s over.”

“Oh,” you sat up and tried to comb back your slightly messed up hair, seeing the other couples retreat to their respective rooms, “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Don’t be, you look cute when you’re comfy.” His words caused your cheeks to heat up and you situated yourself to try and hide your face from him. “Are you ready to go back to sleep?”

“Yeah, I should probably head out.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m ready to fall back asleep...which means that I need to go home so I can go to sleep in my bed.” You looked back at him with furrowed brows that matched his.

“Y/n, it’s two in the morning, why don’t you just stay here. No one else is leaving.”

“You don’t have a spare room though…”

“You can sleep in my room, I’ll sleep on the floor if you feel too uncomfortable.”

“No Shawn, I’m not kicking you out of your own bed. If you’re so adamant about me staying then we might as well share it.”

“Are you sure you’re ok with that?”

“I’m a big girl, Shawn, I think I can handle sleeping in a bed with you for one night.”

Shawn let out a laugh that was music to your ears before extending a hand to you that you gladly accepted. His hand engulfed yours perfectly and you stumbled as he pulled you up off the couch because you were too busy trying to memorize the feeling of his hand in yours. “Careful there, honey,” his sweet voice drawed out, “You’re even more tired than I thought. Can hardly stand on two feet.” He escorted you hand in hand to his bedroom, which was much cleaner than you would have imagined. There were a couple guitars on stands, a piano in the corner, some hockey gear half stuffed into a bag on the floor, all things that perfectly described Shawn to you. He slid into his bed, adjusting himself under the covers before looking at you with a boyish grin and beckoning you towards him. You sat down next to him, playing with your hands awkwardly. “You ok?” You nodded your head. “I can put up a pillow barrier if you want, I have to admit I tend to be a cuddler.”

You giggled, imagining you waking up to find him snuggled up against a pillow between the two of you. “It’s ok, I don’t think we need a pillow barrier.”

“Suit yourself.” He turned off the light, getting even more comfortable in his bed and turning towards the wall. “Goodnight, Y/n.”

“Goodnight, Shawn.” __________________________

The deep scent of oak and cinnamon should have woken you up. The heavy weight slung across your stomach should have woken you up. The unusual heat that was spreading across your back should have woken you up. But instead, they all just kept you in a peaceful slumber as the morning light streamed in through the window.

Shawn was the first to awake. Breathing in your comforting scent, he squeezed you a little tighter, not quite realizing what he was doing. The moment you pushed back into him in an effort to get impossibly closer to him his senses became wide awake, suddenly making him on high alert to how close you were to him. He couldn’t imagine how you’d feel if you woke up to find the two of you like this, but when he tried to untangle himself from you and you subconsciously gripped his arm tighter, pulling him back to you, he gave up the fight and let himself get lost in the moment. Against his better judgment he placed his lips to your hair, leaving feathery kisses in their wake. Your body began to move slowly as you came to a consciousness, but Shawn continued to kiss down your neck until he finished with a soft one on your shoulder. “Good morning,” he rasped, looking at you through his lashes.

“Good morning.” The second you came to a full realization of what was happening your body froze, not quite able to process the exact situation. The immense heat that was radiating off of him was too soothing for you to resist though and soon your body fell slack against his just as it was while you were asleep.

“How’d you sleep?” Shawn asked, tracing his finger across your cheek bone.

“Like a baby.”

“Good to hear.” His stomach rumbled, making a laugh escape out of him, “And that is good to hear too, I guess. You want to go get some breakfast.”

Deep inside you wanted to say no and selfishly keep him close to you all morning long, “That sounds perfect.”

Your body became cold the second he left your side and you shivered slightly from the temperature change. “You ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine,” you lied, grabbing his hand to help you out of bed. He pulled your body close to his, looking at you deeply with those gorgeous brown eyes of his.

“Were you uncomfortable this morning?”

“No,” you stuttered, feeling small as he towered over you even if you didn’t find him intimidating, if anything the words coming out of his mouth were more intimidating than him.

“Why not?”

His body came closer to you with each word until you were backed up against the wall, his chest pressing against yours. “What?”

“I asked you why you weren’t uncomfortable.” His face was so close to you that you could see every last detail of his skin, including a scar on his cheek that you didn’t happen to notice before, but made him look all the more endearing to you.

“Because I trust you.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

You could tell by the way that his eyebrow quirked up that he didn’t believe your wavering voice, “Are you telling me the truth? Because I want to know if you feel the same way about me that I do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought I made it quite obvious,” he chuckled, “I really, really like you, Y/n. I was hoping maybe this morning was a sign that you felt the same way…”

“It was,” you breathed out quickly, not wanting this moment to fade away. “I like you too, Shawn.”

His lips fanned over yours and your breath hitched in your throat, desperately waiting for him to move the final inch. “I’m not going to kiss you,” he told you, watching the light in your eyes dim and cast down to the ground, “Hey, look at me.” Shawn grabbed your chin gently, pulling your eyes back up to his, “It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because it feels wrong to do it without going on a date first. You understand?” You nodded your head sadly, making him let out a quiet laugh, “But I would like to take you out on a date if you’d let me.”

“I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“Perfect,” he leaned in to kiss the tip of your nose, “Now let’s go down and eat breakfast. I’m absolutely starving.” __________________________

Are you free Tuesday night? Sorry, I just couldn’t wait to ask you

The message came through the second you stepped through the door to your dorm room. Natalie and Connor had woken up later than you and Shawn, so Shawn had offered to drive you home instead. You looked out your small window that happened to be facing the street and were met with his jeep still parked next to the curb. His eyes met yours causing the two of you to smile and you could practically hear his laugh from three floors up.

I’m free all night

Perfect, see you then I’ll pick you up x

Can’t wait x __________________________

The rest of the weekend seemed to drag on until your classes came again on Monday to distract your mind from the next day. It didn’t help that you and Shawn were texting almost every second of the day since you two had parted, only adding to your anticipation.

After seeming as though it would never arrive, Tuesday night came upon you, bringing you back to the same chair this all started with. Natalie was over the moon when you told her about your date, immediately wanting to know everything about it and what outfit you were planning on wearing. She had you propped up in what she called her “makeup chair” making sure your makeup and hair were the best they had ever looked. You had chosen a simple sweater and leggings, hoping that you looked nice enough while still managing to stay warm and comfortable. Shawn hadn’t told you where you were going yet, stating that it had to be kept a surprise, so you worked with what you had in order to have an appropriate outfit.

At six o’clock sharp Shawn was waiting outside, leaning against his jeep on his phone was a bouquet of flowers in one hand. His eyes flickered to the door anytime he heard a noise, but at the sight of you he stood up straight, hands pocketing his phone before he was headed straight towards you. “Hey, you look beautiful.”

“And you look as handsome as always.”

A blush formed on his cheeks at your words and he handed you the flowers bashfully, ducking his head down to avoid your gaze. “These are for you.”

“They’re gorgeous, thank you.” He sent you a bright smile as he took your hand to lead you around the car, opening the door for you to slide inside.

“Will you tell me where we’re going now?” you asked as soon as he slid into the driver's seat.

“Not yet, gotta keep the suspense up,” he teased, his hand coming up to lace his fingers with yours on the center console. “I hope you’re hungry though.”

“If we’re being honest I’m always hungry.”

“Then this is going to work out great.” The ride was short and before you knew it you were turning into a parking lot of a small old-fashioned diner a few minutes off of campus. Shawn parked the car, running around the jeep quickly to open the door for you. You smiled at his kind gesture and took his outstretched hand for you to walk inside together.

The two of you were sat inside of a booth across from each other as you scanned the menus. Shawn hardly looked at his before he was nodding his head and leaning back in his seat to look at you, “Got any idea of what you’re getting?”

“Um, not really. Have you been here before?”

“More times than I can remember. I usually go here after practice late at night because it’s open until like three in the morning.”

“Any suggestions?”

“Well I always get the cheeseburger with no tomato, a chocolate milkshake, and extra fries…”

“Extra fries? You eat that many fries?”

Shawn laughed, a wide smile forming on his face, “Most of the time yes, but if I don’t I just bring them back to the frat house. They’re always gone a couple seconds after I set them down.”

“Hmm, I can't decide if I want a chocolate shake like you or an oreo one. What do you think?”

“I think you should get an oreo one and then we can share them both.” You looked over your menu at him with a small smile, watching his eyes light up as he returned your expression.

“Then that’s what I’ll do.” The waitress came over and you ordered the same thing as Shawn, except with tomatoes, different shake, and of course, no extra fries. Once your milkshakes came out, he requested two extra straws, winking at you as he slid them in.

“So,” he began, sipping on his chocolate milkshake, “Do you think you’re going to come to more hockey games this season?”

“I’m not sure, I guess I’d need a good reason to go,” you smirked at him, taking a sip of yours as well.

“I’m pretty sure I could give you a good reason.” He looked around to make sure no one was looking, but fortunately you two were the only ones in there besides another couple on the other side. Shawn grabbed your hand and leaned forward, his nose brushing against yours. Your heart started beating faster until his lips were right against yours, but you faltered when he froze. The look in his eyes was pleading with you to let him continue so you took control instead, closing the small gap between the two of you. His free hand cradled your cheek as his lips moved with yours, keeping you close to him. It was short and innocent, but it was enough to leave your head spinning and heart pounding. Your lips chased his once he moved back, desperately wanting to feel the softness of them on yours once again, causing him to laugh with a smile before giving you a peck to satisfy you. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“I doubt it was that long,” you mumbled, eyes focusing on where his thumb was rubbing the top of your hand.

“What makes you say that?”

“No guy has ever really been into me before.”

“I think that’s a lie. Besides, I’ve wanted that since the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.” He brought your hand to his lips to leave a lingering kiss on it, “You would’ve noticed if your head wasn’t stuck in a book.”

“Didn’t know it was bad to try to be at the top of my class.”

“It isn’t. I think it’s great that you’re at the top of the class list. Now you’re on the top of two lists.”

“Two lists?” you asked, watching as he smiled and leaned forward to try to steal another kiss.

“Yeah, the school’s and mine.”

[thetrashywritingwitch]

“Need and Want” Bakugou x Reader x Kirishima Poly AU, Final Part

Summary: Bakugou (25) is a single dad of four-year old Hatsuki. Full-time Hero, full-time dad, full-time exhausted and lonely, but he’d never admit that aloud to anyone. You and Kirishima have been dating for a while and often babysit Hatsuki as Bakugou relies on everyone in his friend pool to help in a situation he never expected to find himself in but wouldn’t change for the world. He craves companionship and familial stability for his daughter but assumes no one would be good enough, not for either of them.

But maybe he’s been looking in all the wrong places.

Bakugou x Reader x Krishima Poly AU. Short drabble chapters posted sporadically. I don’t know how long this will be, it’s just an idea that I had and fleshed out with @weebonfilm and decided to write it out officially. I want to explore a healthy polyamorous relationship while also dealing with the difficulties of raising a kid in a world full of Heroes and villains.

Rating: T

Words: 5.9k

Link to Pt 1

Link to Pt 7

“Hmm… hair up? Or down? Eijirou, which do you prefer?” Standing in front of the tall mirror in your shared bedroom, you turned to the left, then to the right, and scrutinized your outfit with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. “Ei?”

“Hold on, babe!” He called from somewhere down the hallway - probably in the kitchen where he was currently preparing dinner for tonight. Everything was, well… “stressful” seemed like an understatement. 

You both were going to confess to Bakugou tonight. 

A week and a half had passed since the incident in the park. Your arm, with the help of doctors and someone with a healing quirk, was fine now aside from the occasional stiffness. Calling out to Hatsuki, risking your life to save her… it was the perfect, life-threatening motivator you needed to take a leap of faith when it came to both Bakugou and his daughter; you wanted to protect her, watch her grow, and help her in whatever ways she needed in the capacity only a parent could muster. So long as her father would let you, of course.

Eijirou, to be expected, was an absolute wreck of nerves when you finally discussed the plan in detail and set a date. You were also anxious, of course, but since he’d known Bakugou for so many years, their unbreakable partnership was something he hated putting in jeopardy. But he knew that, with feelings out in the open between the two of you, he wouldn’t be able to hide them much longer. 

There was a plan of attack, but it all depended on how Bakugou reacted to see if it fell apart before it even got off the ground. 

Power-walking into the room and looking like he’d just gotten back from a jog with how sweaty he looked, Eijirou ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Whatch’a need?”

“Ei.”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve got to calm down. I know it’s tough, but he’ll pick up on you acting weird as soon as he walks through the door,” you explained while holding the two sides of your dress together at the top so he could zip up the back. “Please help with my zipper.” 

He groaned while doing as you asked. “I know. I’m a disaster. I need to take another shower; I’ve already got pit stains on my favorite shirt, and I might actually throw up, so I need to brush my teeth, again-”

Once you were suctioned into your dress - one you chose for the flattering silhouette - you sighed and turned to your sallow-faced boyfriend. “Eijirou. Take a deep breath.” He followed your lead, sucking in a shaky breath before letting it out in uneven waves. In and out. “Good. Just keep doing that. We’ve been over this, practiced, and there’s no turning back. He’ll be here in about an hour, so let’s make this a night to remember, hm?”

If Eijirou was a puppy, his ears and tail would’ve been dropping miserably, but he nodded and gave you a big hug around the shoulders, anyway. “I know… I’m just scared. A lot could go wrong-”

“Shh, nope.” You shut him up with a quick peck on the lips. “None of that. You’re one of the bravest people I know, Ei, and I’m here with you. We’ll be OK, I promise. At the end of the day, no matter what, we have each other, right?”

Sniffling, he cleared his throat and kissed you on the forehead. “Right. God, you’re so manly when you take the lead. OK, we got this! Thanks, babe.” Looking a bit brighter, Eijirou started for the doorway, but stopped and looked at you over his shoulder. “Man, Bakugou would be so dumb to say ‘no’ to you in that dress-”

“EI, GO GET READY!” Screeching with embarrassment, you shooed him out of the room. He laughed before disappearing back into the kitchen. “I swear…” 

Meanwhile, Bakugou had reluctantly dropped off Hatsuki with his parents since they were the only people available; you and Kirishima just had to pick a night when everyone else either had plans or on patrol. His nagging mother always complained that she didn’t see her only granddaughter enough, but Bakugou didn’t like to leave Hatsuki alone with them if he could help it; the less influence his mother had over his parenting, the better. 

When you and Kirishima had asked him over for dinner - adults only - he wasn’t sure what to think. It was true that he hadn’t had a night out without his kid in a long while, but he had this bizarre feeling that an uneventful dinner wasn’t going to happen. 

The emotions that he’d been hammering and smashing down for months were starting to burst at the seams and crack despite all his hard work; it was exhausting, and a selfish, self-destructive part of him wanted to just blurt it all out if only to ease his anxiety of the unknown. “Keep it together,” he whispered, frustrated, to himself as he walked down the sidewalk from the train station. He’d keep his shoulders squared and lips sealed for as long as he could. 

With a few knocks on the door, maybe a bit harder than he’d intended, Bakugou waited in front of your apartment. He heard a bit of shuffling inside before the door swung open and there you stood with a welcoming smile. 

She looks good. He refused to let his greedy thoughts make themselves known, steeling his face and clouding over his eyes so as to give nothing away. 

“Bakugou! Hey, come in. Ei is just finishing up dinner, so just chill out for a minute.” Taking note of the way you tucked your hair behind your ear as he entered, Bakugou sniffed the air curiously. 

“You let Kirishima cook? We’ll have to order takeout-”

“I heard that!” Kirishima’s voice echoed from the kitchen, making Bakugou snicker. “I can cook!”

“Cook what? Dirt?” Catching you glance at him before you turned away with an exasperated grin, he argued back and forth with Kirishima for a couple more rounds before sitting down on the couch. Glancing around at the pictures on the wall and rearranged furniture, it made him realize how seldom he stepped past the threshold of your apartment.

“So? What’s the occasion for the dinner?” Never one for bullshit, he cut right to the chase. 

You leaned your knuckles against your jaw as you sat down opposite him in a recliner. “Well, we figured it was about time you got a night off from Hatsuki to just try and relax. One night away won’t kill you. And we needed to pay you back for all the meals you make us. Just try and enjoy one night, yeah?”

The way your eyes silently pleaded forced him to look away. “Yeah, yeah. Fine. How’s your arm? It’s fine now, right?” Divert attention away from himself. He and Hatsuki had accompanied Kirishima to the hospital to make sure you were fine; indebted to you was an understatement. Honestly, he should’ve been the one asking you to dinner… not in that way, of course, but, ugh. Whatever. 

He watched the way you twisted your arm and wiggled your fingers to prove that you’d regained full mobility. “All better! See?”

However, Kirishima called your bluff. “That’s not true!” Bakugou swung his head around to see his best friend peeking his head from around the corner. He’d pulled his mane of red hair back into a low ponytail with a few spikey strands framing his strong jawline. Suppressing a dry swallow, Bakugou raised an eyebrow. “She still has some stiffness in her arm, but it’s minimal and will go away so long as she keeps stretching. Right, babe?”

“Aha, yes, that’s right…” Bakugou slid his gaze back to you, your eyelid twitching as Kirishima called out your downplayed injury. “Uh, anyway! Let me see if he needs help in there…” You walked quickly into the kitchen and out of sight, leaving him alone in the living room. 

His phone buzzed, prompting him to pull it out of his pocket. A text from his mother; was something wrong? 

He opened the message to see a photo snapped of Hatsuki giggling at his stupid baby photos accompanied with a comment from his mother about how much Hatsuki looked like him. It was true, his daughter was nearly the spitting image of him from hair to eyes to attitude, but hopefully, he was able to curb some of the bad habits he developed as a kid and keep her head on straight. 

“Dinner’s ready!” Kirishima’s voice boomed from the kitchen several minutes later. About time, too, since he was getting hungry. Still, with Kirishima’s cooking record, he didn’t hold his breath regarding the quality. 

However, to his surprise, everything on the table looked and smelled pretty damn good. Nothing looked burnt, at least, but it all came down to taste. You got him a glass of water - no alcohol this time to avoid a second round of drunken embarrassment - before everyone sat down and echoed, “Itadakimasu!” 

Once he took the first bite, Bakugou eyed Kirishima who stared at him expectantly. “Well? How is it?”

Just to annoy him, Bakugou said nothing and took his sweet time chewing and swallowing his food before smirking like the brat he was. “Not gonna lie…” A pregnant pause. “It’s not half bad. I’m almost impressed.” 

“I told you it’d be good, Ei,” you said before taking a bite yourself. “Don’t doubt yourself.” 

“I’m glad you like it,” Kirishima said with a big, sappy grin that made Bakugou’s heart flutter the tiniest bit. “I’ve been trying to get better at cooking, but I’m still rough around the edges.” 

Truth be told, Kirishima didn’t know what he would’ve done if dinner had been a disaster. He desperately wanted - no, needed - everything to go smoothly, to put Bakugou in a good mood, and to give him the confidence he needed to have what could be the most nerve-wracking conversation of his life. Yes, that included confessing to you, because this was now a three-way conversation rather than just the two of you.

“Bakugou,” you asked as dinner continued. “Have you been on any more dates since the one a while back?”

This was part of the plan: test the waters to see where he was at in regards to his current dating status. 

Scoffing, he said, “No. Might as well give up at this point, because it’s too much fucking work to find anyone who isn’t a shallow asshole and willing to take on the responsibility of a kid.”

Kirishima sighed heavily. He hated hearing how Bakugou, someone who never took “no” for an answer and would rather swallow his own tongue than let anyone or anything defeat him, felt like giving up on finding a relationship. Well, if things went right tonight, then maybe all that would change. 

“I’m sorry, man. Just know that I think you and Hatsuki totally deserve the best. I just want you both to be happy.” It was all he could manage to say without letting his voice crack or chopsticks tremble before he quickly grabbed up some noodles and stuffed them into his mouth. 

“Ei is right,” you mirrored. “I know it’s tough, but-”

“Just drop it,” Bakugou bit out, causing your jaw to clamp shut. His mouth thinned as though he hadn’t meant the words to sound so harsh. “I don’t feel like being lectured tonight.” As he gulped down some water, you glanced sidelong at Eijirou while sliding a hand towards him to give a reassuring pat on the thigh. It was a touchy subject, surely, which meant that the sooner you ripped off the band-aid and got this over with, the better. 

When dinner finally wound to a close, Bakugou insisted on helping the two of you clean up. Worried that arguing would piss him off, which you absolutely didn’t want right now, you let him have his way. You made an assembly line of sorts: Bakugou washed, you dried, and Eijirou put everything back in its proper place. In no time, the kitchen was clean and organized. At least that was one less thing you’d have to worry about later. 

“I should probably go pick up the little firecracker soon,” he said before easing down into the recliner in the living room, leaving the sofa for you and Eijirou. 

Shit. You couldn’t let him leave yet, not before-

“Bakugou. Look, uh…” Now?! You stiffened and fiddled with your dress while your boyfriend continued to speak. “I know we said that we wanted this dinner to make up for stuff and get you to chill out for one night, but in all honesty, there’s another reason we asked you over.” 

It seemed like Bakugou’s instincts were right, as usual. He knew something would happen, and judging by how you tried to avoid eye contact with him while Kirishima clasped his hands together and stared unblinkingly in the same way he stared down danger, it was going to be dramatic. 

“If you got something to say, then spit it out,” he ordered, crossing his arms impatiently. Then, an idea struck him: maybe he could guess what it was and turn the tables in his favor. “Wait, let me guess: you guys are getting hitched or something?”

The awkward embarrassment of seeing both of your faces glow was, in a word, glorious. 

“W-what?!” You shrieked, switching between staring at himself and Kirishima whose mouth hung open like a Venus flytrap. 

“No! That’s not- bro! That’s not what I was gonna say!”

Bakugou burst out laughing, already feeling better now that he had cut the tension and gained the upper hand at the same time. 

“Oh? How about- no, wait, fuck. (Y/N), are you pregnant?” It was the next best - or worst - thing he could think to ask. He figured if the two of you were expecting, then he’d be one of the first to know, right?

He watched you gasp and clutch your stomach before Kirishima, in even more mortified shock than before, did a double-take. 

“Wait, are you?!”

“What? No!”

“Why are you holding your stomach then?!”

“I don’t know, Ei! On instinct? Oh my gosh… If I didn’t want to mess up my makeup, I’d scream into a pillow right now.” You slumped into the couch and held your head as though a headache was on the horizon. 

Now thoroughly curious as to what the hell was going on, Bakugou held out his palm towards Kirishima. “Don’t have a heart attack. Just say it, already.”

“It’s not easy!” Kirishima’s voice boomed louder than he was expecting, Bakugou’s eyes widening as he observed his best friend’s frustration. “It’s not a fucking easy thing to say, to explain, but we have to try.”

His crimson eyes cut to you as you cleared your throat. “Bakugou, please just listen, alright? Just wait until we’ve said everything first…”

Although patience wasn’t in his repertoire, he could tell this was actually serious. So, for once, he kept his big mouth shut and gestured for Kirishima to continue. 

Kirishima stood up, his broad shoulders nearly blocking out the kitchen light behind him as he curled and uncurled his hands in an endless loop. A deep breath. “Bakugou… back when we were still at UA, just kids figuring things out, I really admired you. You were everything I thought I wasn’t: strong, flashy, confident, smart… and I’m really glad that you put up with me, though you might think it’s the other way around.” 

This was coming out of nowhere. Reliving childhood memories? What Kirishima admired in him? The sincerity of his words struck a chord as Bakugou bit the inside of his cheek to keep his mouth from going dry. What the hell was he getting at with this…? Still, he sat in silence as his toes curled inside his socks while Kirishima took another deep breath. 

“I guess what I’m trying to get at is that you mean a lot to me, man. You and Hatsuki both. We watched you raise her. She’s a good kid, and you’re a good dad. A good friend, too. But…” Bakugou’s anxiety began to creep up his spine like a twisting, growing vine. “But uh… “ Kirishima glanced back at you before you nodded, seemingly urging him on. “I - I mean, we, (Y/N) and, and both of us… we want more than that.”

A bead of sweat rolled down the back of Bakugou’s neck as he stared up at Kirishima. His toes stopped curling. His tongue stopped licking the roof of his mouth. His eyes went almost comically wide despite the absolute absence of humor he saw in any of this. 

“What the hell does that mean?” It took every ounce of strength to keep his voice from cracking, to keep his composure, to keep his lungs working. What the hell was he talking about? What did “more” mean? In what way? More what?! It couldn’t be, would never be, not in any reachable reality did it mean…?

You seemed to pick up on Kirishima’s inability to keep talking judging from the mournful way his face fell at Bakugou’s blunt question. Standing up yourself, you walked over and grabbed Kirishima’s hand. Both of you now stood in front of him like two creeping shadows, exacerbating the loathsome feeling of being cornered. 

“I think what Eijirou is trying to say… is that we had a talk not too long ago about some important things involving our relationship. And so, we needed to ask if you… if you wanted to be a part of that. With us.” 

The armpits of Kirishima’s shirt were soaked through, dark stains visible under his arms while your cheeks matched his hair. Bakugou could feel his heartbeat in his ears and the tightness in his throat and the watering of his eyes as he refused to blink. 

Gratingly, as though he was gasping for air, Bakugou wheezed, “With…? W-what the fuck? Be a part of what?!” He’d convinced himself so thoroughly, so indisputably that this wasn’t happening, that it wasn’t real, that it was just some gut-twisting nightmare that wanted nothing more than to taunt and dangle the carrot in front of his face just out of reach. There was no possible way that what he craved, what he’d spilled heartbroken tears over, truly existed. 

“Fuck it!” Exasperated and at his wit’s end, Kirishima ripped his hand out of yours and stepped forward to pin Bakugou by the shoulders against the chair, squaring up with him, eye-to-eye. “Be a part of our relationship you thick-headed bastard! I’m in love with you, and have been for so many fucking years that I couldn’t wait another day to tell you…”

His blood rushed like a river freshly freed from a dam, rapid and unhinged under his prickling skin. That couldn’t be right. He’d heard wrong. Kirishima, his close friend, must’ve misunderstood his own feelings. And like everything he did, Bakugou held nothing back in response. 

“What kind of fucking game is this?!” He screeched before shoving Kirishima off him, his palms smoking dangerously. “Why would you say something like that?! That…! Fuck this!” The chair under him nearly tipped over with how forcefully he got up and stomped towards the door, sweat pouring down the back of his neck, but Kirishima was right on his tail. 

As his hand reached the door handle to push it open, Kirishima grabbed his wrist to yank it back before snatching Bakugou by his shirt collar and backing him up against the patterned wood. Whatever hesitancy his eyes held minutes ago had disappeared; now, glowing frustration and ache glistened in his cracked irises. 

“Don’t you fucking run away from this!”

“I don’t run from anything, asshole!”

“Eijirou, please!” Your pained begging forced Bakugou to cut his eyes in your direction as he gripped the sturdy muscle of Kirishima’s arm. What was your part in all of this?

Breath ragged and upper lip quivering, he painfully asked, “What about you, huh (y/n)?! Your fucking boyfriend said he’s- you heard him!” Just bringing himself to utter the words aloud was too much, too painful like a fresh, bubbling burn. 

He could tell you were shaking, too, but when he saw you nod, the remaining air in his lungs twisted and curled as though grasping fingers had snatched it away. “He’s right,” you testified. “W-we talked about this, both of us, and are in agreement. I…” Your fingers curled into fists, bunching up the front of your dress as though you were standing nervously on a theater stage ready to recite your memorized lines. “I love you too, Katsuki. It all comes down to your decision with what you want to do now, but don’t you think that you and Hatsuki deserve to be happy and loved? If not by us, then by someone deserving of all you have to offer the world…”

He didn’t even realize he was crying until a hot tear stained his cheek, ruddy with frustration. Kirishima’s grip on his shirt loosened, and he felt himself start to crumple to the floor, but he locked his knees before he fell as though struck through the ribcage with an arrow cemented firmly where his heart beat, beat, beat. 

“Sorry,” Kirishima mumbled, now feeling entirely embarrassed for his outburst and unsure of what to do seeing Bakugou so… broken. “I panicked. I was so scared. I didn’t want you to leave without hearing us out, but… it’s your call. Saying, ‘no pressure,’ feels stupid, but it’s up to you. We just want to make you and your daughter happy if you’ll let us.” 

The silence that followed was awful as Bakugou remained as still as a statue aside from the occasional angry sniffle. When he finally wiped his face with the ball of his hand, he glanced up through his limp blonde hair that attempted and failed to obscure his bloodshot eyes. 

“You guys are fucking serious?” It was about as stable as he could manage considering how strained his words came out as though he was ready to fight between yelling and crying once more. 

Eijirou shared an incredulous look with you. “Man, it would be so beyond screwed up if this was some stupid game or lie. We’re adults, and this isn’t some teenager crush. So yeah, this isn’t a dream - or nightmare, if that’s how you wanna think of it…”

Bakugou gnawed on his bottom lip until he nearly drew blood as he quickly scanned your face, wincing like you and Eijirou were too bright to look at. “I fucking knew something was gonna happen tonight. Some premonition that it wasn’t just some normal dinner, and fuck, was I right…” He shook his head and a bitter laugh escaped through his teeth, sending chills down your spine. “Do you know how many times I felt like breaking down because I figured this - all of this - would never happen in a million goddamn years? How I was resigned to just have Hatsuki and watch everyone else around me enjoy what I lacked?”

And then, he stared at Kirishima who had never seen his friend’s eyes shimmer quite so brilliantly: rubies in the sunlight. “Your head is full of rocks, dummy, if you couldn’t tell how long I’d been in love with you…” 

You gasped somewhere behind him, but Kirishima couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, frozen in place as Bakugou’s words sealed every muscle in his body like a spell. Had he heard right? N-no, wait, yes. Yes? Was this-

“ And (Y/N),” Bakucou mumbled, his voice more even but no less scratchy as though his throat ached for water. “I know I’m hard-headed like Kirishima, but I’d be the world’s shittiest dad to pick anyone else to be her mom. Hatsuki isn’t the only one who loves you, either.” 

Kirishima’s hand shook like a leaf in the wind, Bakugou’s shirt still crumpled in his fist as a warm, sweaty hand was placed firmly around his wrist. “B-bro-”

“If you call me ‘bro’ again after I just spilled my stupid guts out, I’ll blast your face off.” A choked sob that ended more in a strained and bitter chuckle erupted from Kirishima at the stupid joke. Was this really happening? Had things… gone right?

When Kirishima heard you sniffle behind him, he turned to find you wiping desperately at your eyes. “Stupid… I told you things would be OK, didn’t I, Eijirou?” Your laugh seemed to release all the stress and tension in the room despite everyone’s damp eyes. “Now I have to wash my face…”

Everyone took a moment to calm down, to let their shoulders ease, to take a deep breath at everything that had transpired over the last five minutes before Bakugou spoke up once more. “I guess we should… what happens now?” 

Kirishima finally let go of his shirt, but the space between them only lasted a second before he lunged forward and wrapped Bakugou up in his strong arms for a crushing hug. “We have to hug now, for one! Also, Bb- I mean, Katsuki, your cologne smells, like, nice-”

“Shut up, weirdo!” Katsuki screeched, embarrassed and trapped between Kirishima’s forearms and his broad chest. It encapsulated Kirish- no, he guessed Eijirou was fine now - perfectly: strong and unwavering. “You can’t just flirt like that!”

“Oh, you’ll get used to it,” you explained while walking closer, a bit of smudged mascara under your eyes. He still thought you looked beautiful. “Showering compliments is something he’s great at.”

With his ears burning, Katsuki mumbled and struggled to no avail until Eijirou finally set him down. He then stared at you, smile and eyes like a matched pair filled with kind acceptance, before you grabbed his hands which he was now horribly aware were slick with sweat. Warmth flooded under his skin at this onslaught of new affection that now took on an entirely different context and meaning from the small, platonic touches he was used to. 

“Do you think this will be alright? Can you work with this, Katsuki?” Letting go of his hands, you came in for a hug too, but this one was softer, gentler, and he wasn’t sure how to reciprocate. He never hugged anyone except for his daughter.

“My hands are sweaty, I don’t want to fuck up your dress.”

“I can wash it, don’t worry.”

Tentatively, Katsuki brought his hands up and around your back until his palms were flat against your shoulder blades. This was nice, nicer than he’d imagined a simple hug could be. “Yeah, I can work with this.” 

“Fuck, I love you guys so much-” Before Katsuki could whisk you to safety, Eijirou went in for another hug with the both of you this time, lifting you both in the air. As your feet left the ground, you giggled, and he felt the reverberation against his chest. Warm and relaxing. 

Touch-starved didn’t even begin to accurately describe the overstimulation that washed over Katsuki from head to toe to an almost paralyzing degree, but with enough patience and work he just might be able to settle into some bizarre, new life filled with something he’d only dreamed of. 

He texted his mother that he’d be late picking up Hatsuki because there was a metric fuck ton of very delicate and vulnerable topics to discuss now that things were, well, out. After everyone took a moment to wash their faces of dried tears, Katsuki now sat on the couch between the two of you rather than in the chair on the other side of the room; he was no longer a third wheel observing an unreachable fantasy. 

“OK, so, what are you gonna tell Hatsuki? Will she understand?” While Eijirou seemed worried about a second wave of rejection, Katsuki quelled his fears. 

Shaking his head, he said, “She’ll be fine. I’ll figure out how to explain it tomorrow, or we can all do it as a group if you want. Might be easier.” The sneaky things she did and said regarding their close relationship told him she’d accept things fairly easily. 

“I told you, Ei. She’s very smart, and kids don’t hold the same biases that adults do. Oh, I think I’ll cry if she calls me ‘mom’ for real this time…” You held your cheeks between your palms with a small, wistful smile. 

“Hatsuki is one roadblock. But… seriously, what the hell happens now?” Katsuki looked between the two of you with his palms facing the ceiling as he leaned on his knees. “You both have an established thing and have for years. How do I fit into that without things being weird?”

Eijirou’s arm draped across the back of the couch as he hummed. “Well, we’re all gonna have to figure that out together, right? Take it slow so we can all adjust. Oh! We should go on a date! Like, a proper one with all three of us. I bet it’ll be better than your last one, right, Katsuki?”

The way Eijirou said his given name so easily now, as though he’d always said it, had always let it slip across his tongue like verbal honey, sent his heart racing all over again. 

“Aww, he’s blushing-”

“No I’m not! Shut up!”

This was nice - really fucking nice - and while some small insecurity pinched at his neck like an annoying bug bite telling him that it might not last, that something could go wrong, that you two would leave him behind after inviting him in, when Katsuki watched at how Eijirou smiled that dumb, goofy smile of his that always brightened a room, or how you silently placed your hand over his calloused knuckles… he stopped worrying so much. 

There was far too much to discuss and work out in a single night, and he knew Hatsuki would be asleep by the time he got to his parent’s house, so it was best to say goodbye. But damn, was it difficult. 

He actually managed to return Eiijrou’s hug properly this time, almost to the point of competing over who could squeeze the other tighter, but you stopped it when you claimed to hear a rib crack. 

But there was something he wanted, something to seal all of this as a serious commitment to dedicating the time and effort needed to make this work. Plus, he was incredibly selfish and craved what he watched the two of you share more than a few times. 

Katsuki stood in front of the door facing you and Eijirou. A cloud full of hesitancy for him to leave surrounded the room. This was so new, exciting, stressful, and nerve-wracking all at the same time and the last thing any of them wanted to do was separate just yet, but it couldn’t be helped. 

“There’s one last thing before I head out.” It was worth a shot, wasn’t it? Holding back from what he wanted wasn’t his style, anyway. 

“Sure, anything,” Eijirou said with an arm draped around your back. 

Pressing his lips against his teeth as he swallowed the lump of nerves in his throat, Katsuki stepped forward and stared up at Eijirou who stood half a head taller than him. Whatever, just go for it. “Where’s my goodnight kiss, huh? Just say ‘yes’ or-”

Before he could finish his damn sentence, a pair of warm, chapped lips were on his. Oh. Oh, this was really happening. He’d asked on a whim, wondering if it was too soon, but just for tonight Katsuki wanted something all to himself. 

He was barely able to register Eijirou’s cologne, the way his lips felt, or the warmth flooding to his face before they separated. Shit. He knew he was truly and royally screwed if, after four years of basic chastity, one kiss sent his pulse racing and endorphins spiking. 

“I- wow. I hope that was OK.” Eijirou chuckled nervously like a teenager kissing in secret behind the school. 

Getting a hold of himself, Katsuki cleared his throat and tried not to look too overwhelmed, but he was probably failing miserably. “Just- whatever, it was fine.”

“Just fine?”

“You know what I mean!”

“Where’s mine? You can’t hold out now.” Slowly, Katsuki slid his crimson eyes over to you and his throat went dry for the nth time that night. Maybe this was too much stimulation for one night. But you were batting your eyelashes and he then understood how Eijirou was so whipped for you. 

“Don’t be jealous already,” he muttered before leaning in halfway to meet you. It didn’t caught him off-guard this time, but it still threatened to knock him off his feet. The faint taste of vanilla chapstick and the soft, plump feel of your lips on his was dangerously addictive. 

And again, it didn’t last nearly long enough before you pulled away, your shyness returning along with flushed cheeks. “It’s odd kissing someone else… but not in a bad way! It’ll just take some getting used to.” 

“There will be a lot to figure out, but we have time,” Eijirou assured. 

Was this really going to be his life now? Not just one, but two partners who cared about him and Hatsuki both? While he wanted to believe he worked hard for everything he had and all the success he enjoyed, this seemed like more good luck than anything. 

A few more words were shared before Katsuki forced himself to open the front door after sliding on his shoes. 

“Text us when you get home,” you called out. “Or call, if you want. Oh, group video calls could be cute…”

“You’re already clingy,” he said with zero seriousness or bite to it. “But fine. We can figure out schedules for explaining things to the firecracker.”

Then, he disappeared behind the door and walked with a small, satisfied smile down the sidewalk. 

It was late, nearly eleven o’clock, when he arrived back at his mother’s house. 

“It’s about time. Didn’t know if you forgot,” Mitsuki nagged as Katsuki huffed and rolled his eyes before walking inside to find his daughter asleep on the couch. 

“I’d never forget.” Carefully so as not to wake her up, he carried Hatsuki back through the living room to get out of here and back home as soon as possible. “Thanks for watching her.”

“Bring her by more often,” she suggested, but Katsuki ignored her. Maybe if he brought you and Eijirou along, dealing with her wouldn’t be so draining. “And call every once in a while!”

He turned to glare. “I know you love being loud, but she’s asleep.” At his snide remark, Mitsuki practically slammed the door behind him as soon as he stepped outside. “Old hag…” 

With Hatsuki soundly asleep in his arms, he made his way towards the train station and wondered how things would develop from here. A whirlwind from start to finish, he felt one weight lift while another was added. Navigating relationships was something he’d have to figure out once again, but hopefully, he’d be able to manage without screwing things up too badly. 

Hatsuki shifted in his arms as he passed under a street light. She was going to wake up to some very interesting news. “We have a lot to talk about, firecracker… but maybe it won’t be so bad. You’re my kid after all. You’re strong and smart. Mhm… yeah. I think we’ll be just fine.”

____________________________________________

Thank you for reading and enjoying this story! THERE WILL BE AN EPILOGUE LATER! Thank you again, you’re all wonderful <3

[deep-space-elf]

Haldir x Reader - Unwanted

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A/N: Have you ever been annoyed by having a crush on someone? Like “Nope! I really don’t need this right now. Stahp it!”? Because that’s what I’m going through right now. Anyways, this headcanon was actually supposed to be a ficlet, but I just never got around to write it. So I posted it as a headcanon, according to the motto: Better this than nothing. But now I’ve finally found some time and motivation and suddenly I wrote 1700+ words. Well, that a little longer than I thought... Ooops?! 😶 Summary: Y/N is fed up with her crush on Haldir, thinking he’d never return her feelings for him. She plans on doing everything she can to stop this stupid infatuation but thanks to Rúmil her plan is doomed to fail.  Word Count: 1770 Warnings: A little angsty in the beginning  Reader: fem!Reader, Reader is a historian (though it’s only mentioned)

Y/N stomped towards her home, not paying any attention to what was going on around her. Her cheeks were coloured bright red. What was she thinking?! If she wouldn’t be in public, she’d smack her head against the book she was carrying. 

As she reached her home, she closed the door behind herself - trying her hardest not to slam it - and slid down against it. She tossed the book carelessly aside and put her head in her hands. This couldn’t continue, she needed to stop. This was making her nothing but miserable. 

She spent basically the whole morning sitting near the training grounds, pretending to be reading while sneakily watching Haldir train. The longer she was there, the harder it was to pretend. Her eyes wouldn’t stay on the pages and would find the march warden more and more often. 

Eventually, Rúmil would sit down next to her, a smug smile plastered on his face. “So, how’s my brother doing today?” 

The blood rushed towards her face. “I-I have no idea what you’re talking about!” 

Rúmil laughed, a full belly laugh. “Sure, Y/N. Just talk to him. I’m sure it would please him.” 

“Don’t be silly,” Y/N said and stood up. “Why would a march warden be interested in talking to a historian? Anyway, I have to go. Good day, Rúmil.” 

Her friend shook his head. “You’re hopeless. Have a nice day, Y/N and think about what I told you.” 

Y/N groaned, think back at the conversation. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” 

This has been going on for months now. Whenever Y/N had the chance, she would sneak a peek at the handsome march warden. First, she thought it was simply fascinated with his skill and well, perhaps because he was easy on the eyes. But soon she had to come to terms with the fact that she was developing a crush on him. 

Whenever she would see him, her heart would flutter with happiness. Whenever she heard his voice, she got goosebumps. Whenever she was not concentrating, Haldir would occupy her thoughts. It was annoying! 

She was pretty sure that Haldir would never be interested in her that way, and she wished her brain understood that. The more she thought daydreamed about Haldir, the deeper she fell into this rabbit hole. At this point, she couldn’t even remember what it was like when he was not constantly present in her mind. 

She got up from the floor and sighed. This needs to stop! she told herself once more. From tomorrow on, she would stop seeking out every opportunity she could get to see him or him talk. She would preoccupy her thoughts with work and books, so her brain wouldn’t have a chance to come up with another daydream of him and Y/N together. Tomorrow, things will change! 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

It was early in the morning when Y/N walked through Caras Galadhon on her way to work. She was early but it would only give her more time to plan out projects and find books she will read in the coming weeks. Her first step on not thinking about him. 

“Y/N!” She turned around and saw Rúmil jogging towards her. 

“Good morning, mellon,” she greeted her friend. “You’re up early.” 

“Haldir wants us to train harder in the coming weeks,” Rúmil rolled his eyes. “You know, because of the surge in orc sightings. Like they would come anywhere close to Lothlórien.” 

“Who knows,” Y/N replied. “Orcs are not exactly the brightest and attack anything and anyone.” 

Rúmil smirked. “Of course you would agree with Haldir.” 

Her cheeks began to colour. “Well, it is a sensible precaution!” 

“Of course,” Rúmil nodded mock-seriously. 

It was her turn to roll her eyes as she poked him in the sides. “Stop it!” 

“Anyway,” he changed the topic, “would you mind coming to the training ground with me? There’s something I like to show you.” 

Y/N hesitated. Normally she would agree immediately. Rúmil was her best friend and when he asked something of her, she would gladly agree. But after her promise to herself yesterday, she wasn’t so sure if going to the training ground was such a good idea. He would be there and inflame another inner turmoil. 

Rúmil nudged her playfully when she didn’t say anything. “Come on, it’ll be great!” 

If she wouldn’t go, Rúmil would know something is up, and probably be a little pest about it. Get a grip! she scolded herself. You can’t bend your whole life around an ellon to avoid him, just because you have a crush on him! 

“All right,” Y/N said. “As long as it won’t take too long.” 

“Great!” 

Just go there, see what Rúmil wants to show you and leave. Easy. Any thoughts about him will be squashed immediately!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

After a couple of minutes, the two friends arrived at the training ground. The first thing she heard was him shouting commands at the soldiers. Her body reacted before he finished the sentence and sent goosebumps all over her arms. No! No, no, no! Don’t think about it. 

She turned her back towards the training soldiers and looked at Rúmil. “So, what did you want to tell me?”

“Ah, wait here,” he said and vanished in one of the small huts, presumed to be an armoury, next to the ground. 

Behind her, she heard more commands and instructions being shouted. She didn’t even need to turn around to know when they came from Haldir or someone else. Calm yourself, dammit! But eventually, she couldn’t resist any longer, and her head slowly turned towards the source of the voices. There he was. Through the numerous soldiers, she spotted Haldir instantly. To her, he stood out like the moon between the stars. Bright, beautiful and mesmerising. Nothing and no one could compare to him. 

She was so captured by him that she didn’t notice Rúmil returning, or how he rolled his eyes when he saw her staring at his brother once again. “Just talk to him.” 

Y/N jumped. She turned her back towards her friend. A, by now, well-known feeling spreading through her chest - forlornness. “I wouldn’t even know what to say.” 

Rúmil shrugged. “Anything, really. You could talk about-” 

Y/N peeked over her shoulder and saw the march warden had spotted them. Her breath caught in her throat when he was looking directly at her. He patted on of the soldier on the shoulder and made his way towards them. Y/N felt like fainting. 

“Shit! He’s coming over! Hide me, Rúmil!” she said and tried to get behind her friends back. But Rúmil was faster. He grabbed her shoulders and placed her right in front of him. As if this wasn’t traumatising enough for Y/N he waved his brother happily, like nothing was wrong. “Hey, Haldir! Y/N wants to tell you something! I’ll be with you in a moment.” And with that he sprinted towards the changing area, leaving a dumbfounded Y/N behind. 

I really need new friends. Perhaps that should be my next project - sorting out the people that BETRAY me like this! 

Haldir looked after his brother but didn’t seem to be too worried about his weird behaviour. When he turned towards Y/N a soft smile played around his lips. “Lady Y/N, what can I do for you?” 

How can a person even be this pretty? His eyes… oh my, they’re even prettier up close. And he said my name… Oh, right. Think! Say something! Anything!

“Um… nothing really,” Y/N said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Rúmil is just being… Rúmil.” 

She looked down on her feet, not being able to hold his gaze any longer. She could feel her cheeks heating and hoped Haldir wouldn’t see it, or not understanding what caused it. 

“I must apologise for my brother,” Haldir said. “For some reason, he seemed to be set hard on us getting to know better. I am sorry if he caused you any discomfort.” 

Was Rúmil pesting Haldir just as much about her crush on him? That little-

“Oh, now it’s my fault!” Rúmil returned, dressed in his training clothes. He regarded them both with a flat look. “But you’re right, dear brother. I want you two to talk to each other because I know that what you two want!” 

Haldir and Y/N flushed. They both opened their mouths to protest but Rúmil was having none of it. “Nope! No backtalk! For months I’ve heard you two whining that you want to get to know the other but didn’t know how. Well, here it is, the perfect opportunity! I happened to know that you both have nothing planned tomorrow evening, so I friendly suggest - actually, scratch that friendly, you two better follow my advice, or I don’t want to hear about the topic ever again - that you two meet and chat and whatever. Just. Talk. To. Each. Other! It can’t be that hard!” He threw his arms in the air and stomped towards the training ground. 

Haldir and Y/N looked at each other, stunned by Rúmil’s outburst. It was Haldir who broke the silence first. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Rúmil is right, I’d really like to get to know you, Y/N.” 

For a moment Y/N couldn’t believe her ears. She smiled fondly at him. “I’d like to get to know you, too. So… um… tomorrow evening?” she asked and hoped it wasn’t too forward. 

Haldir nodded and Y/N could have sworn his cheeks looked a little red. “It sounds good. I know a nice place… Shall I pick you up, once the sun starts setting?” 

Y/N’s smile grew wider and wider. “Sounds perfect. I’m looking forward to it.” 

“Great,” Haldir said. 

For an outsider, it might have looked like they were having an awkward moment, but for them both it was one of the best moments in their lives. One of many that would follow. They kept on looking at each other for a little while longer, both not believing what just happened. After months of hoping, wishing and dreaming they would finally get to know each other… and hopefully become more than just friends. 

“I’ll see you then,” Y/N eventually said. 

“See you tomorrow, Y/N,” Haldir said and walked back to his soldiers.  

With a wide smile and butterflies in her stomach, she walked to her work. Maybe I don’t have to sort Rúmil out after all. Perhaps he actually deserves a promotion on my friends-list. Better not tell him. It’ll only get to his head. 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

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[tcoutd2511]

How Thunder Bay Changed My Life.

For this week's prompt we are supposed to write about anything of our choosing. Something that's been on my mind recently is how grateful I am to be in Thunder Bay. I honestly can't express how much going to school here and leaving Orangeville has changed my life. Before I moved up here my mental state was not good and it hasn't been since grade 7. This made for 6.5 years of silence where I didn’t talk to anyone, yes I had friends in high school and elementary, I was invited to go out etc but I never took the offers making my life very uneventful and staring at my bedroom wall for hours every Friday night. There's a lot more I could get into but I don't see the point because I've moved past that and I'm not in that mental state anymore. Right now I am in love with my life and have been since I moved up here and into residence in January 2021. Within the past year I have grown so much and have become excited about life again. Since living up here I can't say that there has been a day where I wake up in a bad mood. 

I have been able to establish routines, wake up earlier, get things done earlier in the day and be able to buy the great amount of carrots and broccoli I want which is pretty exciting to me! Also the fact that there is so much nature around me is crazy and I feel like there is still so much that I haven't gotten to see around here! I look forward to everyday ahead of me which is a huge change in mindset for me because a year ago I didn't have the motivation to do anything except sit in my room and be mad at the world. That is insane for me to think about because now I see myself as a pretty chill and happy person and I feel like most people who know me up here would agree with that. The 2 different ways people perceive me are so weird because up here I am a very laid back person, down for anything (text me and I'll be there!, unless im working), enjoy talking to people and I need some sort of social activity in my life to keep me going. Back in Orangeville everyone saw me as a miserable person and who doesn't enjoy talking to people, is lazy and enjoys being on my own which is far from the truth. 

A trend that I have noticed since being here is that I’m actually appreciated and people have vocally expressed that to me. I am very much a person who cares deeply for others, I check in on others frequently and I always have their backs and I know others have my back. In residence last year there were a couple rumours spread about me which were one hundred percent false and I was getting harassed in my own res building. I don't know where the rumours originated from but many people stuck up for me, wanted to hear my side of the story and always supported me. Throughout the year I have come to appreciate people so much and I know that I am appreciated. I have been a person that people come to, people I am barely friends with have opened up to me so much. I've received comments from people saying I give off a positive vibe and have gotten texts from people expressing that they feel that they can come to me for anything. I have a very non judgemental attitude, anything anyone tells me stays with me and I feel that it's so important to be there for others and give people an outlet to get things off their mind. I strive to be a good person and overall that's all I want in my life, is to be a good and happy person and see that others are happy. One of my favourite lyrics of all time is “cause if we don't leave this town, we might never make it out”. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't left my hometown and I don't care to know what it would have been.

[cyannaid]

A letter to Technoblade:

Two years ago, I was at my lowest point, my last year of high school was the MOST miserable I have ever been. I completely lost all energy to do anything kike I wouldn’t turn in my assignments, later I would start skipping classes, stopped doing the things I used to love. Hell, it got to the point where even eating or going to the bathroom was *exhausting* for me. I spent most of my time in bed, basically sleeping all day. I honestly couldn’t see a better future from here.

……….

October 2020. I first get introduced to the Dream SMP. I remember laughing like crazy watching compilations of the vods, I haven’t felt such joy in a long time.

Two weeks later, November 16, 2020. The finale of the l’manburg war. I didn’t know what twitch was or how it worked, so I watched the very first stream that was available to me: Technoblade’s. And I’m SO glad I did. I remember being at the edge of my seat completely amazed by everything that unfolded, especially his character and acting. I kept repeating parts and snippets of his stream over and over again because he was just SO badass!

Technoblade instantly became my favorite character.

From then on, I could only wander “what’s gonna happen from here???”. And *THAT* SIMPLE THING is what gave me the energy and my motivation to get up from bed for the next months. To see where this silly little Minecraft roleplay story was going, mostly through the perspective of Technoblade. Each time he always delivered with his acting, humor, wit. He’s overall personality quickly drew me in, so I decided to also check some of his other content.

Technoblade instantly became one of my favorite Minecraft ccs.

He always made me laugh, put a smile on my face when I needed it the most at the time.

If I didn’t come across him, I probably would’ve never gotten up from my bed…

…………

2021. I begin going to therapy and taking medication. I survive graduate from high school, partly thanks to that now I had a distraction. After that here I go... now what?

Watching your passion for what you did was contagious, it infected me soon after. MY passion for my interests not only started to come back… I also started to learn how not to be embarrassed of them anymore... of what I do (I’m still learning).

YOU reminded me what I loved about drawing,, watching cartoons,, playing videogames,, what I love about CREATION: THE JOY IT BRINGS.

…………

July 2022. I now have a new outlook on life. I’m about to start my second year of college for a career I love so far. I’ve made new friends like I’ve NEVER had before. I hope I keep getting to do what I do; I even hope someday I become a content creator of my own!

……….

I recognize my own strength; I know the progress I made in my journey of healing was all due to my efforts. But Techno… YOU were the one who JUMPSTARTED this journey

I feel kind of dumb writing all this out, afterall we’re strangers to each other. But in the short time I was your fan, you’ve made such a huge impact on my life and I will FOREVER be grateful.

You were an amazing person Alexander ‘Technoblade’ but you were taken too soon. However, you fought bravely with your humor and positivity at the face of adversity till the very end! Rest assured your legend will never die! Because Technoblade never dies!! If a heaven does exist, I hope your kicking the ass of whatever god is up there!!!  >:] hehe…

So long, King 

Rest easy 🤍