#I’ve been meaning to do this for fucking AGES

[tooturtly]

Just so ppl know it does get better! I didn’t really have friends from ages 13-18, and even before then I always felt a little different (gay and neurodivergent). And yeah, it sucked. I thought I was doing everything right. I talked to people in class, I did extracurriculars, I was involved. But nobody was texting me unless it was about something school related. I wasn’t invited to anybody’s house. Twice the people I ate lunch with made homecoming plans but never invited me, I just showed up bc of how much they talked about it.

It finally took seeing the group of people I thought were my friends really overtly reject an openly neurodivergent guy from the friend group. Why? Because he talked too much, he was too sincere. It wasn’t any fault of his own. When I hung out with him in a smaller group, I had a blast. And I realized it wasn’t his fault or mine, but the people who I didn’t even like that much who were pushing me away. They were doing the same thing to both of us, and I should be pissed about it! (I still am, even know people change, it was still a shitty thing to do)

My senior year I finally put myself first and realized that having bad friends was worse than being alone. And I might as well be alone on my terms. I went to homecoming and prom by myself, I wore my own weird clothes and danced by myself just to have fun. I realized that going with those people had made me have less fun, because they hardly wanted to dance to the music if they didn’t know the song. I decided I was going to have fun and be my own person.

The only people I had who were friends were the older people at the game shop I went to. They were kind and patient with me when I didn’t know all the rules, and I’ve since lost touch with them but everyday I’m thankful that I had them in my life. Thank you for taking care of this weird teenager who was too loud and too pushy, and who you guided anyway! Thank you for humoring me!

And then I did find lasting friends. I graduated high school and found a group of amazing, nerdy, goofy people who I clicked with. We play D&D together, we eat together often, we share our stories, we talk and we laugh, we have inside jokes.

As I’ve gotten older I know I still have those moments. Even with my closest friends, I have doubts and anxieties about if they actually like me, if I’m a good and kind enough person to be able to sustain a friendship. Sometimes I think maybe I’m better off alone, because then any hurt I cause will only be me. I’ve never had friends before, I don’t know anything! Sometimes I think I’m too full of hurt to do anything but hurt. But I don’t trust those thoughts! My brain lies to me all the time! Those terrible twisted feelings never come from me, they come from a me that doesn’t know anything but pain and sorrow. I’m an entirely different person when the depression hits, and I’ve learned enough not to trust how I feel in those moments.

I know that I’m trying and my friends know it too. I’m not purposefully mean, I make amends when I make mistakes, which is all you can do because everyone makes mistakes. And I think about how much sadder my life would be without my support network. I would be miserable! Yeah I can do it alone, but I don’t want to! Doing it alone sucks! I love my friends! I don’t want to let them go, and they want me around. If my friends didn’t want me around, they’d tell me to pack it. Yet I’ve continued making friends, I find fun and weird people everywhere!

Fuck it, I’m gonna be me as much as I can! Life is terrible when you’re pretending to be someone else. And I’ve been lucky enough to find space irl where I can be me. If you can’t do that in person, go online, find community anywhere you can get it. I know I learned a lot from lurking online in high school.

My friends love me even though I have flaws, and I love them even though they have flaws. Including the anxiety and self doubt! Loving with flaws is human. Confidence is your armor against that self doubt. Even if it’s fake! Say fuck it and love your life, love yourself! The world is beautiful! Life is beautiful in those small moments laughing, in talking, in smiling.

Yes this is optimistic positivity! Because pessimism made me sad and being sad does not make you want to live! And I want to live. I made the choice once to live as much as I can. God’s tried to kill me twice and he has failed so far, so I will dance through life laughing.

I can still be depressed and I can still laugh! I can be lonely sometimes and still have friends! I can know that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel if I smile and greet the darkness as my friend.

On Isolation

[ihavetoomanyocsdealwithit]

You break down into tears and tell them: "It’s been so long since I’ve felt this happy, I think I just got overwhelmed. You make me happy.” 

Heartslabyul dorm; Savanaclaw dorm; Octavinelle dorm; Scarabia dorm; Pomefiore Dorm; Ignihyde Dorm (here); Diasomnia Dorm

Idia Shroud – It had been ages since the two of you had a game night! Even if you were a bit of a noob, not having near as much time to play as he did, he still enjoyed going back over the story with you, getting to experience cutscenes again with a whole new perspective.

When he sees the tears in your eyes, he initially thinks it’s from the cutscene, but it wasn’t that sad? But the explanation completely KO’s him. His eyes go wide, hands shaking, and he sputters but he knows you. You don’t say things you don’t mean, even if you think it’ll hurt. You never have.  

The game idles between the two of you as he leans in, his tears joining yours in a tight hug. He’s hair flickers warmly in your hands and despite it all, it’s cozy.  

“You too!” he blurts out. “You-the fuck did I do to unluck this route- you make me happy too! So, keep up with me, and we can both be happy, ok?!”  

Ortho Shroud – Ironically, as much as Ortho loved video games and VR games, he actually preferred boardgames. There was something real and solid about them that just changed the way it felt in his hands, and there were so many different kinds! 2 player, 4 players, 10 players! He wanted to have enough friends to play all of them of course.  

The vintage gaming shop you two had found off a side alley would have had Idia scampering the two of you back claiming it to be sketchy and unsafe, and without Ortho maybe you would have left it too. But it’s awfully hard to feel nervous when you have the firepower of a Shroud beside you.  

Though you wouldn’t guess it, with the way he zoomed around the shop and exclaimed at all the old boxes and displays.  

When he looks back at you, he immediately thinks somebody tried something. As you explain though, he almost wishes he could feel it as intensely as you. He smiles boyishly, holding you tight, and he fights the impulse. He can’t just collect you and carry you to STYX to live out the rest of your days and be happy forever. Idia already told him he can’t do that, something about it being illegal. Unethical?  

“That’s two people I make happy,” he remarks, nuzzling his forehead against yours, “I think I leveled up! You'll stick around to see the best of it all, won’t you?”  

[rosicheeks]

Let horny Rosie out she’s fun and has tig ol bitties 🤤

[screechingkroh]

[fingertipsmp3]

Why has skincare got to be so… much

[seventh-district]

sometimes it’s late at night and you’re cleaning your room and you come across a few old black and white photos of a young girl and you stare at them for a long minute wondering how on earth they got lost in an old Kroger shopping bag with an unopened pack of cigarettes and a receipt dated 2017.

and you look at the girl in the pictures sat on the floor of someone’s home you don’t recognize, smiling and playing with a set of keys and a tiny part of you feels like it recognizes her but you aren’t sure.

and you flip the pictures over hoping to find some sort of annotation that would give you context and all you find is the year 1964 stamped in tiny font along the edge.

and you flip them back over and time stands still as you realize that the recognition you feel is because she looks so much like you once did and next thing you know your hands are sweating and shaking and you have to sit on the floor because you’re crying so hard because it hits you all at once that you’re looking at your mother.

[thriftdyke]

.

[leadendeath]

started lifting weights again yesterday, haven’t done it for maybe around a year because i was in a bad way mentally and physically </3 i didn’t overdo it BUT i do have the good kind of ache today… noticed it especially when i had a energy burst of autism/love (same thing) and had to stim it out, and hurt myself wiggling </333

[angelstrawbabie420]

WHY do i have dreams that feel more real than life and are also 5 million times cooler. just woke up from one that felt like it lasted 12 hours and in that time i had held a house party, got extremely crossfaded, went to an amusement park, wandered the streets and nearly got hit by a car, went to a restaurant that looked identical to that from dua lipa’s training season mv which morphed back into my house where i was making a salad bar for everyone at the party, then almost went to a devil themed nightclub with everyone but i couldn’t because i needed some sort of christian identification to get in???? then my mom came home and made me take a bunch of drug tests. also there were several black cats and random huge dogs wandering around the whole time. i literally felt every sensation like it was as if i had been transported to another real life timeline that was incredibly wacky yet SUPER familiar (the house/town looked exactly like irl but with random added places.)

i also NEVER realize that i’m dreaming per se, i’m just like, “oh so this is my life now cool” and when i say i feel everything i mean it. it was humid and i could feel the mist on my face. i could taste the food. i felt paper bills underneath my fingertips whenever i wld pay for something. funniest part was i was JUST as poor in this dream as i am irl i found $6 in my wallet and lost my ever-loving shit bc i could get a gas station monster. oh and i stole from the gas station too??

this is a 3-4 times a week occurrence and when i wake up i do not feel rested, i feel like i would had i just done everything in whatever dream i woke up from (BAD.) i sometimes will confuse things i’ve done in dreams with what i’ve done in waking life, it just feels THAT real. i’ll wake up and it will take me a few decent minutes to distinguish between whether that experience was a dream, or if it was real and i just went to bed at the end of it and am waking up from that.

absolutely fucking bizarre shit but tbh it’s pretty rad and i’ve actually been able to get over fears i had irl bc i had the experience in the dream, and it felt so real that it was almost like i gained that xp in waking/real life. like something i never thought i’d be able to do/was nervous abt but now i can do it fine bc i’ve “gone through it.”

obvs a lot less fun when these are nightmares, not dreams; the exhaustion sucks as sleep is not rejuvenating but that’s nearly offset by the fun i have in many dreams and the way that has opened me up to so much irl. some say when we dream we’re visiting a parallel timeline, and while i don’t completely agree i can 100% see why honestly

[codgod]

what if i change my tango design. what if i de-twink him

[borom1r]

ok I have a Love Hate Relationship with hot topic’s shit generic LotR merch bc on the one hand it’s shit generic merch but on the other hand I recognize it on sight now. so I managed to snag their new Aragorn cloak $20 off bc HT was having a sale but their fucking subsidiary site was Not. I hate capitalism.

[edspeleerscock]

joe when he (hopefully) finds out h!rhys is actually a hallucination

[kitkatkk2]

gentle reminder for the pokémon fandom

[bxriles]

Heavy JJK spoilers ahead (post ch 221). Some thoughts on our favorite OP sorcerer’s fate.

I know everyone out here is saying that Gojo will die on December 24th. I get it. It makes sense, especially knowing Gege the way we do (god that would be horrible and I would not be okay at all lmao). But like… if he dies? I feel like that’s such cheap storytelling lmao.

Killing Gojo is frustrating and not enough for me. We all know Gege hates him and wants to kill him. And I get the parallels between Gojo killing Geto and Kenjaku using Geto’s body to kill Gojo (even though this wouldn’t make sense since Kenjaku canonically has been destroyed by Six Eyes users in the past). I get it. But why not do something worse? Instead of killing him why not take his eyes?

“Are you the strongest because you’re Gojo Satoru? Or are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest?”

He’s the strongest because of his Six Eyes. Why not just… take that away? Blind him. Destroy his identity that way.

Y’all know I love Gojo and I don’t want him to suffer, but I think that’s a more interesting narrative. Because having Kenjaku kill Gojo for the Geto parallels feels like a waste after JJK 0. We’ve already seen Gojo and Geto clash. We’ve already seen their past together. We've seen this twice now. I don’t need it a third time. And if Sukuna does it? That’s so fucking boring and stupid and so goddamn predictable. If Sukuna kills Gojo, I will be done with JJK. Gege would have spent the whole story hyping up Gojo saying how powerful he is, only to have fucking boring ass Sukuna kill him? Gojo literally says to Yuji in the first couple of chapters that he could win against Sukuna. (I know. I know. "BuT aT wHaT cOst." I don't care. I stand by it.) Sukuna has also already done the unthinkable and taken Megumi. He's already killed dozens of people. He killed Tsumiki. Whatever. We get it. Sukuna is big bad guy. WHATEVER. I would be so bored if this happened. Sukuna is a BORING villain right now. Having this boring villain take out Gojo? It's lazy, Guys. It's predictable. I want more than that. Gege is capable of more than that. I said what I said. I think it would be a waste of both characters' potential.

(Edit: I also know that it’s been foreshadowed that past users of the Six Eyes and Ten Shadows have killed each other. I get that. I still think it’s boring because Megumi is possessed by Sukuna and Sukuna is fucking boring without Yuji. So idc about the foreshadowing. It wouldn’t be Megumi—the ACTUAL holder of the Ten Shadows—killing Gojo. It would Sukuna killing him. Fucking boring and lazy.)

Blind Gojo instead. Take his eyes. Take the one thing he’s cloaked himself with his entire life—his power. Make it mean something. He is nothing without those eyes. He literally changed the world of JJK by being born because of those eyes.

So take them. Make him be just like everyone else. Make him be just another guy in the story who isn’t special.

Gojo is a tragic character who is too powerful. Make it mean something. Take away the only thing he’s worth.

Take the Six Eyes.

[lockandkeyhyena]

you know what im done being the bigger person i hope the cunt that made that flimsy ass callout post on me eats shit. you caused so many mental spirals go fuck yourself

[fingertipsmp3]

Save me skincare routine. Save me stupidly expensive skincare routine in tiny bottles