#they are teenagers and have the emotional maturity to match

[kitkatkk2]

gentle reminder for the pokémon fandom

[unformula1]

promises - 1 (ln4)

part 2 || you and lando used to be best friends, but you two drifted apart. (1464 words) a/n: im back ! should i make a part 2?? || masterlist

You and Lando used to be friends. Best friends, one might say. The two of you were inseparable. Every Friday night, without fail, both of you would meet up at the playground near the central district of your hometown. The playground would usually be empty, with most children staying in with their parents. This gave you and Lando the whole playground, all to yourselves.

It was perfect to make the purest memories. Just two kids, pure innocence and naivety, and a friendship which felt like forever. You’d talk about which toy cars were the better ones, he’d always say the orange ones. You two would laugh about the silliest things, and promise each other to be friends forever. 

You two grew up together, went through the teenage years with each other, there in the highs and lows. Every Friday night became every night. You two would see each other daily, at the same playground. As both of you matured, so did your conversations, you two started talking about your love lives, your future.

Both of you sat on the ground, leaning against the wooden base of the slide which both of you used to ride together.

~~~

“I mean… It seems pretty cool.” You tell him.

“It is.” Lando confirms, “I’ve been doing it since I was a small kid, just zooming around.”

You chuckle as Lando mimics driving a go-kart.

“You see yourself driving them forever?” You ask, shifting closer to him.

“Hell yeah.” He replies confidently, not a single ounce of doubt in his voice.

“Alright then.” You smile, “Go for it.”

“You’ll be there right?” He asks you.

“I will. You’ll remember me right?”

“Yes.”

~~~

Both of you made promises, whether they were the shallowest things or the deepest feelings. He never left you alone, you never made fun of him for the quirky things he liked. He stood by you when the worst was brought upon you, when you cried about some stupid boy not liking you back, when you lost your only ticket to your dream university.

~~~

You sat on the floor of his room, wiping away the dried up tears on your face. You’ve never felt this vulnerable to anyone. He lays down next to you and props himself up onto his elbow, looking at you. You glance back at him as he fiddles with his hair. 

“Are you gonna keep staring at me?” You ask, letting out a soft chuckle as you continue to wipe off your tears.

“Sorry.” He replies, laughing a little, “They don’t deserve you anyway.” 

He sits up and shrugs.

“You could do better.” He deadpans.

Your lips curve up ever so slightly.

“Well-” You sigh, “I guess I’ll stay here forever.”

Both of you laugh again.

“So will I.”

~~~

But he didn’t. Lando Norris left the town in pursuit of greater things.

“You’re leaving?” The realisation hits you.

He sheepishly nods.

Your emotions are all jumbled up into one big mess, everything just engulfing your heart as tears start falling.

“Oh-” Lando says before hugging you tightly.

You hug him back, your tears staining his sweater.

“C’mon now… don’t get all teary on me.” Lando says, clearing stifling down sobbing sounds.

You can’t let out any words.

~~~

It finally came a few months later. You stood in the airport, face to face with Lando. You felt the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia, letting all the memories from the youngest ages of childhood flow through your head as you closed your eyes, feeling the tears welling up in your eyes.

He looks at you with his stupid little grin, his eyes getting watery as he purses his lips, taking in deep breaths.��

You run up to him and hug him, for what might be the last time ever. It’s a tight hug, one surrounded by years of friendships and years of memories all building up. He sobs on your shoulder, jerking slightly each sob as you grip tightly to him, never wanting to let go.

But you have to. Both of you take a step back. Lando takes out a necklace for you.

“For you.” He says, “I have a matching one.”

You sob violently and take the necklace, immediately putting it around your neck and holding onto it with a deathly grip.

He reaches out for your hand. Both of you hold hands for a few seconds, he closes his eyes once again as the tears traced his cheekbone and clung onto his jaw, trickling down slowly.

“We’ll stay in contact.” He says softly in between heavy sobs as he pulls you in one last time, patting you on the back.

“We better.” You crack a joke which makes him giggle. He nods more and pats your shoulder.

The moment has to come to an end eventually, with a heavy heart he takes a step back. He looks you in the eyes one last time and you stare at his brown-blue glistening eyes which sparkled.

You’ll miss those.

You’ll miss him.

You’ll miss all of this.

As he enters the boarding gates, he looks back at you again, smiling slightly at you as he waves slightly. You look back at him, wishing you could be there with him, flying somewhere same. Something wants you to run up to him and hold on tight to him but you stay put, waving goodbye to him. 

He holds up the necklace and smiles at you, you smile back at him, choking through the tears which suffocate your lungs as the sting in your throat resurfaces. You hold the necklace up to him too and for the last time, he nods at you, turning around and slowly disappearing from your view.

You stand there. 

What do you do now?

What are the weekly nights reserved for now?

Will you ever see Lando again?

———

The nights felt empty and missing a piece, because they were. You missed sitting with him in the cool breeze of the evening or in the dim lights of the nearby stores, talking about things that you would never tell anyone else. You missed all of it, every single angry, sad, happy, nostalgic moment. It was hard to change your entire life, you called him and texted him every single waking minute of your life and he did so too. However, it never felt the same. Sometimes you’d wake up in the middle of the night just to imagine he was there with you again and your tears would involuntarily come trickling down again. 

Eventually, you got used to it, like you do.

The years past much quicker than you imagined. You watched Lando grow from a young karter to Formula 1 driver. Sometimes you catch yourself watching his races and other times you see his face in the billboards across town.

You don’t know if he remembers you but both of you practically lost contact after you two stopped texting a few years back. It was rough. Both of you made each other the world, you made him your world. Absolutely nothing was going to stand in your way, but time took its path, and fate drew its sword. It was something that you could never change no matter how hard you tried. Even with empty days and sleepless nights just pretending and wishing and hoping that something would happen. It wouldn’t. 

So you had come to peace with it, he was just another passing chapter in your life, meeting once and never again, ingrained in the stone of life.

You were proud of him, for making it this far. You really were. Nothing would ever make you wish anything but the best for him; after all, he was the biggest boy in your life at one point, and nothing would change that. You were incredibly happy for him, for how much effort he’d put into this, he deserved everything. You even watched him win his first race in Miami.

You shed a tear or two. The memories of everything flooding back into your head, just remembering Lando as a young kid saying to you he’d take over the world. He did. You were proud.

But you weren’t there.

Were the promises you made all empty? Just passing in the moment to be carried by the wind and never to be seen or heard ever again?

You sat on the couch watching him take the top step of the podium, holding up the trophy as the sunlight serenaded his face. The familiar sparkle of his eyes stood out to you, it was like when he left. This time his tears were happy ones. 

Your tears were bittersweet.

A few hours pass and a chime from your phone gets you off your couch and reaching for your phone.

You got an Instagram DM, from landonorris.

[lily-blue]

Relationship status: taken

☆ characters: uni student!mark & you ☆ genre: soulmate au, college au ☆ warnings: alcohol consumption, insecurities ☆ summary: you live in a world where your soulmate marks tell you fair and square whether your special someone is taken or single; clearly, it shouldn’t be too complicated to figure out who is meant to be for you… ☆ words: 18,4k ☆ also: this day marks the end of the eleventh year of our friendship (and the end of the first whole year since we’ve been living in different countries), crazy, isn’t it? but when you really look at it, i think it’s crazier that among billions of people, i could find someone as amazing and perfect for me as you are. the older i get, the more grateful i am for you and your unconditional love and support ♥ please, stay by my side for many more decades, @dat-town, because there’s just no way i’d ever consider letting you go ♥

Privacy was a unique subject in your world, and something you had always had a hard time to comprehend with your soulmate’s relationship status tattooed on your skin.

When you had been sixteen and stupidly in love with your best friend’s older brother, you had been terrified by the thought that he might have seen you only as a little sister - you had also been super anxious to have your feelings returned and get in a relationship with him just for his mark to remain the same: single. Not to mention the very likely possibility of you having an older soulmate somewhere out there whose heart you would have unintentionally broken the moment you had become someone else’s girlfriend.

At that young age, the concept of love had made you feel so petrified that you had pretty much given up on ever confessing to someone even before you had received your own mark on your eighteenth birthday.

It had come with time, with the influence of many different people and mindsets and your own emotional growth through yearning and heartbreak, but eventually, you could acknowledge that there was less harm in your marks than you had initially thought as a teenager. After all, no one had to be in love with the person they got in a relationship with for the magical tattoos to change. What you needed was a vocal confirmation of your desire to live as a couple, thus breaking off a relationship that wasn’t meant to be could save you from spending precious years on someone who was only killing time with you before settling down with the one their heart was beating for.

Logically speaking, your soulmate marks - when one was mature enough to understand that there was a significant difference between a good match and a perfect match in life - were only there to save people their time and tears. You just had to be brave and open enough to give people a chance to test your compatibility according to a higher power. 

Ironically, your closest friend at university had a completely different take on this matter. She openly hated the way no one seemed to cherish other people’s feelings, belittling their love just because they weren’t the one for them. Yuju romanticised the process of falling in love and those pure feelings that naturally grew stronger the more time one spent with those who made them feel genuinely happy and grateful to be alive. Your differences didn’t come in the way of your friendship, though. In fact, the two of you had become friends when you had seen her scream at someone for breaking up with her childhood friend not a second after their tattoos hadn’t changed once the boy had asked the girl to be his girlfriend.

You admired her for her lack of fear of confrontation. You could have never drawn so much attention to yourself at a crowded coffee shop.

You could barely bear the immense amount of attention your boyfriend was giving you on a daily basis. Hence, you were actually glad that Dejun never complained when you dragged your friend to your public dates, so you wouldn’t have had to be the only one who was asked about her mundane days and was showered in free drinks, snacks and desserts.

(It was also a nice addition that with Yuju present, it was less likely that your boyfriend went overboard with his spending despite being a gentleman who would have rather bought three movie tickets with his own money than let you and your best friend chip in.)

‘Man, you look so disappointed! Haechan will never let me live this down,’ someone’s whiny voice came from your side, effectively pulling you back to the present: to the biggest lecture hall in your university where your Creative writing professor and the Lyrics writing professor from the Music Department had assigned you a partner for your semester project.

With furrowed eyebrows, you straightened your back and looked at the boy who was talking to you.

‘Sorry?’

You couldn’t remember much of what he had said. You had been still thinking about your pizza date with Dejun after your class - for which Yuju couldn’t come with you because of her internship - when his voice had reached you and pulled you out of your head.

The boy lifted his hand and pointed at something on your right. Reluctantly, you turned your head, unsure whether you should have focused on the brunette who was staring at you two like she was about to slice your throat or the goofy guy who had his phone directed at you. The latter could have been as easily taking a selfie with the grumpy guy next to him - Renjun, if you had remembered correctly - as recording your weird conversation with the one who had addressed you.

You turned back to your assumed project partner.

‘What’s happening?’ You asked, hoping that your question didn’t come off as offensive as it sounded in your head. The lecture hall might have already been half-empty, but there were still a lot of students around you, and if this person scolded you for being a scatterbrain, the humiliation would have haunted you for weeks.

‘Don’t mind him, I’ll make him delete the video,’ the boy reassured you, so you finally knew for sure whom he had pointed at a few seconds ago. Still, the revelation left you with more questions than answers. Suddenly, you weren’t sure even of your most logical explanations. Was he really your project partner? Had he already introduced himself? Should you have introduced yourself?

Why was his friend recording your conversation? Was he even close enough for his phone to pick up on what you were saying?

‘… and it’s his new hobby to make fun of me since Haeri asked me out because apparently, I’m awkward with girls, and it’s ridiculous that my soulmate found me while he’s still single…’

You scratched your nape and turned your head back towards the boy’s friend. His phone was still in his hands, and his smile got visibly wider with each passing second as the guy in front of your seat kept rambling, super clearly digging his own grave for no real reason. You didn’t understand why he felt the need to explain their odd dynamic to you, why he was going into so much detail when you were strangers.

Speaking of which…

‘Are you a music major? We’re assigned to do the semester project together, aren’t we?’ You cut him off as gently as you could manage, deliberately disregarding the obnoxious laughter that came from your side almost immediately.

‘Yes, yes we are! That’s why I was asking for your name and whether you wanted to change kkt IDs, but you looked so disappointed, and Haechan thought it was funny how much you hated this pairing already, and…’

Oh. So this was what had happened. He had walked up to you while you had been in your head and mistaken your growing anxiety due to your outdoor date with Dejun for your nonexistent displeasure towards him as a project partner. It was so silly, but it did put the past couple of minutes into context.

You couldn’t help but smile.

‘I’m not disappointed. It’s… it’s just a misunderstanding. I was thinking about something…’ you tried to clear up the mess, mortified as you realised that you had almost told this boy that the real reason for the frown on your face was your boyfriend’s love language rather than your first impression of him. You weren’t usually this chatty, and you scolded yourself even more mentally when you remembered that his friend was recording your conversation. ‘Else. I was thinking about something else.’

‘Really?’ The boy’s surprise was palpable, his distressed facial features slowly morphing into something less tense as he reciprocated your small smile. ‘That’s cool. That’s more than cool, actually. Awesome.’

You weren’t so sure that it was really that awesome, but you decided to just let him be, then introduced yourself properly and you fished your phone out of your hoodie’s pocket, so he could add himself to your friend list on Kakao.

‘So… Mark,’ you stared up at him once he gave your phone back, and you checked his name in your app. His profile picture was unexpectedly cool: he was sitting in a dimly lit studio with neon lights in the background, holding onto what looked like an electric guitar. He was wearing a beanie indoors and you had this uncharacteristic urge to tease him for it despite not knowing him at all. ‘When would you like to brainstorm about our topic? Do you have any part-time jobs or other extra obligations after your classes? Anything we should calculate with?’

‘I do have one actually! I’m working at the vinyl store near campus on the weekends, but most of my classes are morning or early afternoon classes, except for my lyrics writing seminar, which is… right now. So yeah, weekday afternoons are cool with me,’ he explained without taking a look at his timetable, but you guessed it was okay enough since you were already a month into your first semester, which meant most people had memorised their schedules. 

If you still mixed up your Wednesdays and Thursdays, that was no one else’s business but yours. (And maybe Yuju’s, too, since she was the one who always had to remind you to bring breakfast for your first class on Thursdays, otherwise you would need to sit through two long seminars, one after another, with an empty stomach.)

‘That sounds manageable. I also have two free afternoons a week. How often do you think we should meet up? I guess, we both have other classes, too, but this project is fifty percent of our grade, so maybe…’

‘Twice a week works for me. I actually really like this class, you know. So call me nerdy, but I want to give this project my hundred and ten percent this semester,’ Mark confessed, his cheeks taking on a soft, rose-tinted hue, which you found quite endearing.

You were also glad that in spite of his clear discomfort - someone really should have told his friend to stop teasing him with his stupid phone -, the boy took the initiative, so you didn’t have to admit aloud that your grades were actually very important to you. Sure, you wouldn’t have gone as far as to say you were embarrassed that you cared about your education, and you would have mustered up your courage to ask him to take your project more seriously if he had been one of the slackers, but it was definitely easier on your heart this way.

‘You can absolutely call me nerdy then. I’m a self-diagnosed perfectionist,’ you decided to add with a semi-self-conscious giggle just when the silence could have stretched too long, Mark’s eyes lighting up at your confession.

You could see it on his face that he was about to ask you something - your best guess was that just like you, he didn’t have any more classes that afternoon, so he was wondering whether you would have liked to get a headstart on your project together -, but then he quickly pressed his lips together, into a tight smile, when his friend threw his arm over his shoulder.

‘Makgeolli, let’s go,’ the guy with the silver-lavender hair exclaimed, pulling his friend close to his side like he hadn’t been bullying him in the past five minutes or so. You wouldn’t have been surprised if the name he chose to call Mark on had annoyed the other, too. After all, it was hard to picture anyone who would have liked to be addressed as “rice wine” when there were so many other options… 

‘Man, get off me,’ the boy tried to push his friend’s arm off him, but the other was too clingy and insisting, while Mark clearly had enough experience with this kind of behaviour to know that any future attempts would have been futile.

They had such a weird dynamic, it was borderline concerning.

(Now it made more sense why the boy had felt the need to explain his friend’s actions to you despite your short acquaintanceship. Without your project partner’s vocal confirmation, you would have assumed that he was in real danger around the other boy.)

‘Canada, I’m starving,’ the hyperactive boy whined before he pointed at you with his head like you had already been at that level, when you didn’t even know his name. Wasn’t he a bit too mannerless for his own good? Maybe, it wasn’t that his soulmate wasn’t around, it was just she didn’t want to be found. ‘I’ve seen you already exchanged numbers, so we’re good to go,’ he reasoned, his argument reminding you that you couldn’t have worked on your project that afternoon even if you had wanted to. Therefore, Mark and you didn’t have more business together for the time being.

‘Yeah, but…’

‘It’s okay. I actually have… somewhere to be today, so I’ll text you about my schedule later?’ You half-said, half-asked, a little unsure because of all the attention his friend was giving you with his mischievous eyes. Were you hallucinating things, or were his eyes looking for the soulmate mark on your wrist?

You pulled the sleeve of your hoodie lower on instinct, before you stood up abruptly and threw your notebook and glitter gel pens into your backpack.

‘Yeah, sure. I’ll be waiting!’ You swallowed back a giggle when you saw his friend elbow him in the side right after his eager exclamation had left his mouth. His red cheeks and wide eyes were kind of cute. ‘Khm… I mean, not literally. You don’t have to feel pressured, I have other things to do, too. You can text me any time,’ Mark tried to save the situation by making it four times worse.

You willed yourself to take him seriously, though. It felt like the right thing to do.

‘Thanks. But I’ll message you once I’m back at the dorm. Self-diagnosed perfectionist, you know,’ you smiled at him, and tilted your head forwards just enough to be considered as a somewhat polite goodbye when your gaze shifted from him to his friend. You would have felt bad for judging him silently if you hadn’t shown him any manners, either, but this was where you drew the line with people who didn’t pass your vibe check: at the bare minimum. ‘See you.’

Nearing the exit, you could hear both boys reciting the same two words to you in surprising harmony, but you were already too far away from them to tell what his obnoxious friend had said to Mark to make him scream his name from the top of his lungs. Haechan. Hm, it didn’t ring any bells.

Two weeks into your Creative writing project, you could confidently say that your professor tried his best to make his class the most unique and enjoyable that semester. Having shorter lectures in order to provide additional quality time for brainstorming for the students was a praised idea as well, something both Mark and you appreciated despite your frequent text messages and meet-ups. After all, you hadn’t known each other before this semester and to be able to create something as personal as your topic required… You both had to become more comfortable around the other. Otherwise, you would never be able to connect on an intimate - strictly platonic, yet undeniably deep - level. That was just how art worked.

Afraid of possible rumours on campus, the inevitable misunderstandings based on them and how the unnecessary drama would have affected you - a notorious conflict avoider - and your grades, you had told Dejun about Mark and your future interactions at the first chance you had gotten: the moment he had picked you up for your date that afternoon. Like the greenest flag he was, your boyfriend had had more questions about the project itself than the boy as the only thing he truly cared about was that Mark didn’t try to force all the work on you and didn’t act inappropriately in your company.

Which he didn’t. Mark was always on time, he always did his parts, he always brought new ideas to the table and was always kind and respectful towards you even when his actions came off a little timid. So naturally, you had nothing to complain about. Dejun had nothing to be worried about. Everything was beyond picture perfect on paper.

So why was that the more time you spent with Mark Lee, the more you felt like you were cheating on your boyfriend in a way? Even though both of you were mindful of the other’s relationship, hence never sat close enough to one another to start any gossip. There had been one time when you had even refused a free chocolate croissant that a barista had offered you because he had thought you were a couple, hence entitled for their promotion.

Looking down at the half-eaten chicken-mayo sandwich on your plate, then back up at the boy in front of you who was jotting down snippets in his notebook like wildfire, you couldn’t help but wonder whether this nasty feeling inside of you rooted in the fact that you were open with Mark about something immensely personal that you had never had the guts to tell Dejun. Were you unfaithful to your partner whenever you admitted that even after a year with the boy you called your soulmate, you weren’t sure about the hype that surrounded these types of relationships?

Sure, yours was an amazing person who cared for your physical and mental well-being, but as awful as it sounded, you didn’t feel like you couldn’t have lived without him. His affection gave something extra to your boring, everyday life, but you could have gone without his gifts and questions for a long while, which didn’t seem to match with all those low-key desperate and dependent descriptions people could find in papers that analysed this phenomenon.

Where was the gut-wrenching feeling of being away from your soulmate for too long? Where was the soul-consuming contentment their presence was supposed to give you? You weren’t sure you had ever gotten to experience those butterflies in your tummy, either. It was more like anxiety that took over you whenever you thought of all the money and time Dejun spent on you when you were so plain and boring.

Not that you hated your personality. You were confident in your own, quiet way. Something just didn’t add up. It wasn’t how you had pictured it when you had been younger.

‘What do you think about these lines? I’m not quite sure yet… Prof might think it’s a bit too dramatic. Man, I don’t want that,’ he grimaced as he pushed his notebook towards you, then took a sip from his lukewarm drink. The whipped cream on top of Mark’s iced chocolate had become such a sorry sight, honestly.

He didn’t seem to mind, though.

So you didn’t ponder over it, either, despite your unreasonable urge to take it out of his hands and order a new iced chocolate for him for his hard work. He really hadn’t exaggerated when he had said he wanted to give his all during this project.

Hovering over the worn notebook, you read through the new passages, frowning at how much his words actually resonated with you not because it was a bad thing, but because despite the ugly truth in them, they did sound dramatic. You could totally picture your classmates calling you ungrateful for not appreciating what both of you had: a caring significant other.

‘Yeah, I… Maybe we could switch up “lifeless” with… Hm,’ you tapped your lower lip with your index finger once, twice, three times, before you leaned back against your chair and let out a contemplative sigh. ‘You know, I thought writing a whole ass story about the same topic is difficult, but these rhymes! It feels like I’m writing nursery songs when I finally come up with something,’ you let out a pained chuckle because seriously, even with your expanded vocabulary, your ideas were nowhere near as amazing as Mark’s verses.

He was so good at what he was doing.

But then again, he was in his last year just like you. And he had passed the uni entrance exam of his major with flying colours, if his stories could have been trusted.

‘I like your nursery songs,’ Mark comments between two sips, his gaze on his notebook so damn intense, you were kind of convinced he didn’t even notice he was complimenting you. Otherwise, his cheeks would have already had a rose-coloured tint to them (like it usually happened when he felt embarrassed or too exposed). ‘Besides, I could never write over twenty pages about the same characters. That’s just wild.’

You sucked in your lower lip, the sudden hit of shyness dressing your whole face in a darker, crimson colour as you tried to downplay your hard work in your head, as you tried so hard to find the perfect words that could have simultaneously got the spotlight off you and belittle those hours you spent on your stories…

Your struggle must have been written on your face, because before you could have done as much as open your mouth, Mark smiled at you and your mind went blank.

So you just accepted the compliment - was that a compliment? - with a small ‘Thanks,’ and an even smaller smile.

Since you preferred working on your stories in silence, in the sanctuary of your room where no one judged you for rewriting the same paragraphs way too many times, you didn’t have your Google doc pulled up in front of you. However, you did take a couple of notes in your phone while you were munching on the rest of your sandwich.

You liked how neither you, nor Mark felt the need to fill the silence all the time with mindless chatter. You also liked how he was undoubtedly curious, but never pushy. He made sure you knew he was eager to hear about your process, your life even, but kept his questions to the minimum.

It had been a while since you met someone who adjusted to your needs so easily, Yuju being the last and second addition to the group right after your father. 

‘You know…’ Mark started in a neutral voice, urging you to shift your focus point and look up at him. Hence, you did, abandoning your phone slowly as you carefully put it back on the table.

Mark was silent for a moment, wordlessly scribbling out words then rewriting entire lines in his already messy notebook, which admittedly made you smile under your nose. The peculiar sight almost made you believe that you could have written a page or two yourself in the boy’s company: that as unthinkable as it sounded, his presence wouldn’t have forced you out of the zone while you were immersed in your work.

You shook your head to get rid of this useless train of thoughts. It wasn’t appropriate; and the fact that your instincts told you it wasn’t appropriate just made it even more inappropriate, because seriously. Why was it freaking you out internally that the two of you clicked so much when it should have made you relieved instead? Wasn’t it an amazing thing that he was a nice project partner?

‘Sometimes it feels like Haeri likes me more than how much I like her.’

Your eyes widened in shock before you quickly schooled your facial expression. You didn’t want him to feel judged when you were the last person on Earth who had the right to call him out on his confession. Not that anyone should have been allowed to make comments on other people’s personal business, let alone their relationship with their soulmate.

Trying to disregard just how heavy the atmosphere got, you tilted your head sideways and gave the boy a non-judgemental smile, because that was the best you could do with your lack of experience in comforting people. You hoped your seemingly calm demeanour would distract him long enough, so you could think back of the last time your father had helped you through a rough period in your life.

What had he done when you had gotten rejected by the university you had wanted to attend the most? Ah, he had brought you something sweet, a slice of red velvet cake maybe, and told you his own experience with rejections and how he had gotten his shit together each time he had come face to face with a closed door. 

‘Sometimes I get anxious when it’s just the two of us with Dejun.’

The urge to cover your mouth with both of your hands as soon as the words were out in the open was strong, but you tried your best to fight it and act rather nonchalant: like what you had just admitted didn’t go against everything the society taught you about soulmates. Like it was normal that you felt so on edge around someone who was made especially for you.

You reached out for your own drink and slurped it until the last freaking drop, so you had a convenient excuse to stand up and leave the scene. You didn’t look back as you walked up to the counter and stood in the line, wishing for the barista to work at the speed of a snail. You intended to waste at least five or so minutes on waiting, so your heart could have rested a bit before you had to face Mark again.

Why had you said that? You shouldn’t have said that. Not like that. You should have found a better way to put it. Or you should have just kept your mouth shut and found another way to reassure Mark that there was nothing wrong with him.

You felt so ashamed of yourself suddenly. You simultaneously wished that your pitiful words had never gotten back to Dejun and that somehow he had figured your true feelings out, so you could have been freed from this choking weight on your chest.

Since when were you so goddamn selfish?

Once it was your turn to order - it was too soon, way too soon -, you asked for a matcha latte and two slices of chocolate cake, then paid with your card and reassured the barista that his coworker didn’t have to carry your tray to your table, you were more than happy to wait for it by the counter while he took the next customer’s order. If he wanted to look at you funny because of your strange request, he did his best to conceal his thoughts. He simply informed the female barista behind his back about your instructions and turned to the next customer.

Mark said thanks for the sweet treat when you eventually placed the chocolate cake between his drink and notebook and teasingly promised to buy you something equally high in sugar the next time you two met up as he reached out for the tiny, metal fork. He didn’t bring up the soulmate topic for the rest of your supposed brainstorming session despite how it should have been the main subject of your meeting. Instead, he shared random stories with you about Haechan, and how his weird friend was competing for Renjun’s attention these days with a dude called Yuchan - his own partner for the same project you two were working on.

‘He likes Renjun a lot, doesn’t he?’ You asked, more as a mindless statement to show some interest in the topic than anything else.

The boy simply hummed in response, his knowing smile barely hiding in the corner of his mouth as he turned back to his notebook and jotted down a couple of new lines and potential rhymes while you were busy finishing your dessert.

Your afternoon ended up being pretty productive in the end, and the additional two pages you wrote later that night only added to the satisfaction you felt as you got ready for bed.

You didn’t pay any mind to them initially. In fact, you hardly noticed the slight changes in your own body language and the slowly decreasing distance between your bodies whenever you spend some one on one time with Mark outside of your shared class. However, your obliviousness didn’t change the fact that your meetups were getting longer and longer, or that your conversations became more and more diverse.

The first time you heard people talk about your “dates” with the boy, you were at the popular organic coffee shop on campus with Yuju, who immediately pulled you towards a different table when she realised what was going on.

Rumours. There were rumours about you cheating on Dejun with Mark Lee.

Your hands were shaking the whole time you were waiting for your food and drink, and when you finally got them, you tugged on your best friend’s sleeve to plead with her, so she would ask the barista on your behalf to change your order into take away. You didn’t want to spend your free period in public anymore. On the other hand, you also couldn’t make yourself speak up, too ashamed for inconveniencing the poor worker.

You didn’t go to your last class that day. You didn’t even leave your dorm room until Dejun sent you a text that he was waiting for you in the communal area.

Your messy bed hair and your loose sweatpants and hoodie combo had never resembled your mood more than at that moment you dragged yourself to the lounge, towards the khaki couch your boyfriend was sitting on, patiently waiting.

The major part of your anxiety rooted in your belief that your actions and conscious decisions had finally made Dejun see that you were a horrible soulmate. And while you did have your doubts about the whole system and how compatible these magical bonds truly were, the idea of losing your destined partner so early into your life was terrifying.

You were terrified of failing that one person in the world whose life you were supposed to fill with nothing but happiness.

‘It’s okay, love. Come here,’ was the first thing that left the boy’s mouth, and your eyes got a little teary upon seeing his arms spread wide open for you. Like always, he made sure you knew that you could find peace in his embrace if that was what you needed.

You crushed into Dejun’s body without hesitation, and he scooped you up in his arms, letting you get comfortable on his lap despite those students nearby who were not-so-subtly looking at you. You didn’t even notice them, too occupied by holding onto your boyfriend’s tee and hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

‘I’m so sorry. I… I’m so, so, so sorry,’ you apologised over and over again, until your throat got dry and your voice a little husky.

Meanwhile, Dejun kept petting your hair and stroking your back gently with his other hand that didn’t help with your balance.

‘It’s okay. I know you. I know you would never do anything like that,’ he whispered in your ears, reassuring you that he didn’t believe any of those nasty stories that were circulating on campus about you and Mark Lee, and that he would never give you any ultimatums, either, because you were free to make friends regardless of their gender.

Until Mark treated you with respect and didn’t cross your boundaries, he was okay with the guy. Especially because neither of you had ever given him any reasons to suspect you of cheating. You never failed to inform your boyfriend about your meetings in spite of them being regular occurrences, and that one time he had met Mark in front of your lecture hall, the boy had told him he was okay with the two of you going on an impromptu date instead of your scheduled study session if that had been Dejun’s reason for waiting for you. Mark Lee hadn’t thrown a tantrum, he hadn’t tried to make you choose or outright guilt-trip you into staying with him.

He had simply introduced himself and wished you a good time.

‘But the…’

‘Not buts. These people are just bored out of their mind. I’m telling you it’s okay. So believe me, please, when I say these rumours don’t change anything for me,’ he kept coaxing you out of that dark place your mind had pushed you into, starting to rock you back and forth as much as he could in your less than ideal position on the couch.

You didn’t know how long it took him to make you stop blaming yourself for the current situation, and you had no idea how many people witnessed or recorded this intimate moment between you two, but it didn’t really matter in that soft, fluffy bubble Dejun’s love and care created for you to heal in.

You felt safe and secure in your relationship.

Pulling a little further from his shoulder and looking him in the eyes, you had absolutely no doubt about it that he meant every word: both about his feelings for you and about your friendship with Mark.

‘I…’ you choked on your words, unable to express yourself the way you wanted to due to the sudden guilt that washed over you when you realised you couldn’t tell him you loved him, even though a part of you knew you did. You loved Dejun, but saying it out loud felt wrong, almost like a white lie that could break your relationship over time. And you hated how damn frustrated your own incapabilities made you feel.

Because you loved your boyfriend.

You just weren’t sure your love had the same weight his had for you.

‘I’m so grateful for you. I really am,’ you said at the end, slowly lifting your hands to his cheeks and cupping his face. As you were caressing his skin with your thumbs, you wished your eyes could convey just how honest you were at that moment; you wished he knew you loved him in your own way, you were simply too insecure about your feelings in comparison to his.

He gave you too much.

‘I know,’ Dejun gifted you a brilliant smile, before he mimicked your actions and cupped your face, so that he could pull you closer for an innocent peck on the lips. It was lovely, he was lovely, hence naturally, you couldn’t have helped yourself but mirror his pleased grin, your heart lighter and not at the very same time.

It was confusing, this whole soulmate bond you shared, but you decided to not ponder over the torrent inside you, but be happy that you still had this amazing person in your life.

You stayed in the lounge for a little longer, your face buried in the junction between Dejun’s neck and shoulder, then let yourself be convinced to change into less cosy clothes, because apparently, your boyfriend had hoped to take you out on a date once your situation had been sorted out.

Even though it was a program for only the two of you, you didn’t find the power in yourself to cancel his plans. Tagging along was the least you could do for him after he had proven you his unfaltering support.

You didn’t have huge expectations for how the rest of your afternoon would go. Since you had an inkling that it was Yuju who had informed your boyfriend about how upset you were about the rumours, you were kind of certain he was aware that you had never gotten to eat your late lunch after your European Literature lecture around two. Therefore, you accepted that he would feed you as an act of kindness and genuine care for you, and pushed down the knot in your throat that took away your appetite.

Walking up to an empty table at your favourite hamburger place - which was a comfortable, ten-minute walk from your dormitory -, the last thing you could have imagined to see was Mark Lee being berated in public by a pretty brunette you had only ever seen pictures of. Your slow steps came to an immediate halt and your eyes widened in horror when the furious girl abruptly stood up from her chain and reached out for the milkshake her boyfriend was anxiously playing with.

‘Shut the hell up, I’m not doing that. We’re not doing that, you asshole,’ she screamed in his face, and was clearly about to do something drastic when one of the waiters marched up to their table and grabbed the girl’s wrist.

You could feel Dejun’s fingers being wrapped around your own, too, before he gently pulled you towards an empty table on the other side of the customer area. You barely registered your feet moving, hyper fixated on Mark’s resigned face and overall emotionless demeanour. You had never seen him so unresponsive. It was as though he felt nothing - no anger, frustration or desperation, no fear - while his girlfriend felt everything on behalf of the both of them.

The longer you were watching them, the more uneasy you felt and at one point, you had to force yourself to tear your gaze away when you felt your boyfriend push you down on a chair with your back to the commotion. 

‘If you want to comfort him, send him a text,’ he suggested, his voice gentle. There wasn’t a hint of accusation in it, like he wasn’t talking about the very guy people on campus claimed was fucking you behind his back. Your lips trembled not only because of how ashamed you felt at that moment, but because you really, truly wanted to be there for Mark, and Dejun had realised it sooner than your mind had caught up on it. ‘I just don’t want you anywhere near that girl. Especially right now.’

You pursed your lips together and nodded, understanding where he was coming from while you were simultaneously grateful for the reminder of how bad it could have ended if you had given in to your urge to walk up to the couple. You hated public attention - you couldn’t have been able to handle the negative spotlight.

‘I’m sorry, you’re right. Thank you,’ you said and reached out for the laminated menu card in the middle of the table despite how familiar both of you were with each item on it. It was more of a way of stalling, of putting yourself back together than anything else.

You didn’t want any of the waiters to come up to you and take your order. You didn’t want any attention on you, no matter how miniscule, until Haeri was still in the same building. You were scared of her anger and just how justified it might have felt if she had blamed you for their relationship troubles.

Dejun reached out for your hand tentatively and stroked your sensitive skin between the base of your thumb and index finger in a calming manner before he started to chat your ears off about the hamburger he wanted to try. Apparently, there were three new items on the menu that you hadn’t even noticed, one of them a burger with two patties, tomato and pickle slices, blueberry jam and various spices you would have never thought of mixing together, but hell if it hadn’t sounded intriguing.

Thus you decided to order a similar one with strawberry jam and caramelised onion rings and refused to think about Haeri, Mark Lee and any of the stupid rumours that might have led to their fight.  

You told yourself you had to set your priorities straight.

You told yourself contacting Mark could have waited an hour or so. Because it could. It had to. You had no justifiable reason to put him before your own relationship.

Except, when you eventually got down to message him, Mark left your first text on read and didn’t open any of the following ones. A nasty voice inside of your head told you that he was reading them through his notifications, but you couldn’t have been sure, thus you couldn’t decide whether you should have felt annoyed or worried.

On the first night, tossing and turning in your bed, you settled on the latter. However, when he purposely avoided as much as looking at you during your weekly Creative writing slash Lyrics writing seminar, it took everything in you to not look hurt and irritated. On the one hand, you had seen his fight with Haeri, so you understood that you might have been the last person he wanted to be near. On the other hand, you didn’t want to accept that either of you had done anything wrong just because you had become friends.

If you had let yourself believe that what you two had was hurting your soulmate bonds, you would have started to spiral again despite how much time and effort your boyfriend had put into convincing you that everything was alright.

That your connection wasn’t damaged.

So you shook your head and accepted his decision with dignity - albeit, with a heavy heart. It was a soothing gel to your open wounds that at least you had already agreed on the plot for your story and his song. This way, you really didn’t have to force any conversations with him that would have surely spoiled your precious memories with the boy.

As expected, Mark Lee didn’t join you during the second half of your class for your usual, light-hearted brainstorming session, so you busied yourself with a book that you were reading for a different course. Not a second after the bell signalled the end of the seminar, you were walking towards the wooden double doors like a man on a mission.

Your steps didn’t falter: not when you heard Haechan calling your name, nor when he scolded Mark for something you didn’t quite catch and had no interest in anyway.

You were a horrible liar. And a horrible soulmate.

Because while you were determined to convince yourself that Mark’s cold behaviour didn’t bother you at all - it was his loss, wasn’t this what people always said? -, you couldn’t stop thinking about his blank face throughout the rest of the day.

Did this alone make you the worst soulmate in history? Debatable. However, what definitely earned you that title was the fact that you were currently cuddled up with your boyfriend on his couch, watching a silly Chinese movie about high school sweethearts, and you had no idea what the real story was about. 

You couldn’t stop thinking about Mark Lee and the possible end of your friendship.

You hissed, skin burning around your soulmate mark underneath your hoodie’s sleeve. It was Dejun’s hoodie, to be precise, but he always put it on his bed, neatly folded, when he knew you were coming over, so you wouldn’t have to look through his massive wardrobe in search of your comfort clothes. This was how precious your time was to him.

How precious you were to him.

You swallowed down the panicked lump in your throat and deliberately disregarded the pain. You told yourself that it was nothing, that until your boyfriend showed no sign of discomfort, it was only in your head. After all, if your bond had reached its breaking point because of your shameful thoughts, he would have felt it, too.

It was so itchy, though, as though your mark craved your attention and was determined to get it no matter what it took. It was driving you up the wall, and it also made it even harder to concentrate on the movie you were watching.

So at one point, you gave in and excused yourself, heading straight to the bathroom.

‘Do you want me to stop it?’ You could hear your boyfriend’s worried voice, and you gave it a quick thought on your way, concluding that it would have been suspicious if you had acted any differently from how you usually were on these nights, so you took him up on the offer despite having no interest in the movie.

As soon as the bathroom door was closed behind your back, you rolled up your sleeve like a maniac and came face to face with your biggest fear: your soulmate was single. Which could only mean two things - one more terrifying than the other.

You let your arm fall back by your side with a defeated sigh and sat down on the toilet lid, so your legs couldn’t give out at the most inconvenient time possible. You had to start breathing again. There was no way you could have afforded falling apart at Dejun’s place after you had single-handedly undermined your shared future.

Pulling on your hair out of frustration, you almost let out an unhinged laughter as you were contemplating which one would have been worse: you losing your soulmate because of a new friendship that might not have existed anymore, or you wasting both Dejun’s and your time in a relationship that was built on a false sense of belonging.

Could it have been a cruel joke that your soulmate marks had changed at the same moment, just when you had agreed to be his girlfriend? Seriously, what were the changes? How many other couples could have been out there, oblivious to the fact that they weren’t meant to be? You had gotten lucky with Dejun, his gentle and caring nature always wanting the best for you, but what about those people who were convinced that they were with the right person while being abused by their own partner?

Your head in the gutter, you couldn’t stop thinking about how much more sense this error in the system made when you were recalling stories about domestic violence, cheaters and financial abuse. God, you felt so stupid. You felt so damn angry.

Why was no one talking about the existence of mismatches? Why were they swept under the rug like they weren’t real?

‘Hey, love! Are you okay in there? Do you need me to bring you some painkillers or a cup of your peppermint tea?’ Dejun’s worried voice filtered through the fog in your mind, your lips trembling because of how amazing this guy was. A gem of a man. He didn’t deserve a shitty fake-soulmate like you.

You choked on the first sob that escaped your throat.

‘Jun…’ you cried, drowning in the crazy mixture of your emotions, unsure which ones were appropriate to begin with and which ones you should have focused on in the first place. You didn’t want to lose Dejun: this one thing you were sure about. However, the ugly realisation that it was more because of the stability he gave you than the love you felt for him filled you with instant disgust.

You were shaking as the world around you slowly fell apart.

‘Can I come in?’ You didn’t respond, but you didn’t have to, because the next thing you heard was your boyfriend warning you in a slightly louder voice: ‘I’m coming in!’

Your body tensed up and relaxed simultaneously when Dejun scooped you up and pulled you against his chest, so he could rest your head in the crook of his neck and caress your back like his touch could brush aside all your distress.

‘It’s okay, everything is okay,’ he repeated over and over, holding you a little tighter once you showed a sign that you were there with him despite your silence. ‘Whatever happened, I’m here for you. I’m here for you.’

‘But you won’t be…’ you objected even though you didn’t truly believe that he would pack his things and leave the moment he realised you weren’t the right person for him. He was just too kind to do something so cruel, especially when you were clearly having a breakdown. If anything, you could have bet on it that he would make sure you were in the right state of mind before he cut you out of his life. Yeah, you had little doubt about that: he would have tried to put you back together before he left.

However, at the end of the day, facts remained facts. He wouldn’t be here for you for much longer and not many things were quite okay, either.

‘I will be. I’m not leaving you,’ he kept repeating, every time a bit firmer, which pretty much made it impossible for you to break the news to him. This imaginary, ugly, sticky, hairy lump in your throat just got bigger and bigger.

So you gave yourself a pitiful moment to bask in the warmth of Dejun, the comfort he never failed to provide you, then slowly pulled away from his chest and rolled up your sleeve. You couldn’t take your eyes off the slightly red skin around your new soulmate mark, which was the less painful sight anyway.

The look on Dejun’s face when the realisation hit him? You could barely steal a glance at it while your gaze loitered over his tense body and hasty movements as he checked his own mark, but it already broke your heart.

‘We are…’ your boyfriend - was he still your boyfriend? - tentatively took your arm into his hand, then brushed his thumb over the new letters, shaking. It was clear that he had a hard time putting his feelings into words, and you couldn’t blame him. Out of the two of you, you had always thought it was him who loved you more. Thus, his pain must have been ten times worse than yours and you were already over at least one mental breakdown.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ you repeated like a broken record, because you genuinely didn’t know how else to express the guilt that weighed down on you even though logically speaking it was neither of your fault. You had agreed to become official, your tattoos had changed, it had worked just like in the textbooks.

Why would anyone have questioned the validity of your bond? You had never been taught about the precautions you should have made. Up until this moment, you didn’t even know it was possible to end up with someone who wasn’t your soulmate.

This whole situation made your head hurt and sucked the energy out of your limbs.

The heavier the silence became, the gloomier the atmosphere got, but you were too drained to figure out how to fix it, so you let Dejun process the unbelievable at his own speed, letting him caress your skin as if his strokes could have erased or re-written the black lines under your skin.

They couldn’t. But they did ease some of the tension in your muscles after a while.

You started to wear long-sleeved clothes and nude covers after that tear-filled night to avoid another wave of nasty rumours around campus about you and your relationship with Dejun. The two of you had decided to talk about your future once you calmed down properly and let yourselves think through your options without jumping to conclusions. As far as Dejun knew the two of you worked well together, so it was understandable why he didn’t want to rush the break-up. On the other hand, your rational side and your heart saw the current situation as the perfect opportunity to start an internal war.

Your life was definitely enviable with Dejun, so you could see the appeal of staying with him for a very long time, building a home together and maybe even starting a family, because you had no doubt about it that he would be a wonderful husband and a wonderful father, but… It finally made sense: why a part of you always missed that something special people liked to brag about when they were talking about their significant other.

Fortunately, the deadlines of your semester projects and lengthy assignments slowly arrived, along with your upcoming exam week, so you were too busy to think about any of the drama in your personal life. Mark Lee ghosting you without any heads up? Who could care about that when they had a six-pages-long essay to finish on the political influence of French literacy? Dejun checking on you every morning, lunch break and evening while also refusing to meet you face to face? Nah, the importance of the founding of Hangul with hundreds of Chinese characters to memorise had to be your top priority.

You couldn’t lose both your boyfriend and your scholarship in the same semester. You had to focus on your education. You also needed to finish the first draft of your thesis by the end of the week.

Letting out a tired sigh, you took a sip from your lukewarm coffee latte and shifted your gaze from your notes to the person in front of the professor’s stand. Renjun was talking about the story he and Yuchan had come up with for this class, yet, if anyone had asked you what was their final topic, you couldn’t have answered beyond the very basics: that just like everyone else, they had built their project around the soulmate system.

God, you couldn’t have waited to be done with this shit for good.

‘Thank you, Yuchan, Renjun,’ the two professors clapped their hands modestly after their constructive feedback, then jotted down a few more comments on their papers and called for the next group.

Your duo with Mark Lee.

Since you hadn’t talked with the boy in a while, you weren’t exactly sure what to expect of your presentation; however, you had done your homework and prepared a neat PPT about your concept, so it should have been okay.

Except, when you walked in front of the class, in front of the stand where Mark was already waiting for you with his guitar in his hand, your brain went blank. He looked… different yet so damn familiar, it was messing with your head.

‘Okay, which one of you would like to start?’ The Lyrics writing professor asked, his curious eyes wandering from you to his own student as he leaned back against his seat comfortably.

You gulped and quickly shook yourself out of your stupor, but before you could have raised your hand or blurted out a timid “Me!”, Mark beat you to it and pulled a chair in front of the professor’s stand, so he could play the guitar with more ease.

You stepped a bit further from him to give him space - you also appreciated the invisibility that came with your decisions, the other students’ attention laser focused on the boy -, and linked your arms under your boobs, pressing your notes against your chest. Due to his sudden silent treatment, you hadn’t had the chance to hear any snippets of the melody in advance, but it didn’t surprise you how soft the short intro had come out to be. 

It sounded beautiful, in a very bittersweet, heart-churning way.

It was the perfect OST for your short story.

Towards the second verse, when he was singing about the oblivious victims of a system that should have only brought them happiness, your eyes filled with tears to the brim, but you quickly turned away and wiped them harshly, because it really wasn’t the time. You would need to present your story in detail in less than two minutes. Three, if you were lucky.

You didn’t remember the presentation. You couldn’t process any of the constructive feedback you received from your professors. The only thing you were quite sure about, somewhere in the back of your head, was that Mark Lee had led you back to your seat by your elbow, then taken a seat in front of you.

The latter was still a thing: his messy, brown hair in your line of sight while the next duo was talking about their own perspectives with vivid hand-gestures, almost like they were openly arguing in front of everyone. It was weird. You felt weird.

Your eager fingers picked on the edge of the nude plaster you had put on your soulmate mark that morning. Deep down you knew that if you had taken off the cover, nothing would have changed. However, a part of you still hoped that things could go back to how they had used to be.

Did that make you a relationship addict?

Had you developed an unreasonable fear of ending up all alone?

You let out an exasperated sigh. It wasn’t healthy: your thoughts focusing on one thing so restlessly like you were starting to become obsessed with your relationship status, although Dejun had never broken up with you. He was still choosing you despite the palpable distance, putting your well-being first. So why couldn’t you just let it go?

You furrowed your brows when you felt the light vibration of your phone against the small of your back, and you turned your upper body slightly in order to fish it out of your tote bag as it could have been something important. You deliberately silenced the voice inside your head that told you it could be Dejun reaching out to you. For one, he also had a class in this period. For two, he was a meticulous person. He wouldn’t have rushed himself make a decision as important as your future together.

You shook your head, mentally debating whether it would have been a good or bad thing if you had been wrong about your boyfriend’s stance on this whole mess, when your gaze fell on the notification on your screen. It was a kakao message from Mark, asking you to meet up with him after your class. Just a laconic “pls. same place, same time”.

You were ashamed to admit, but you were staring at the message for quite a while before you sent back a hopefully nonchalant “ok” and shoved your phone back into your bag. You had mixed feelings about his sudden interest in you, but it was the day of your presentation, the end of your project, so you might have as well entertained him a little. As far as you were concerned, he wanted to discuss the feedback with you or give you his two cents on the rather bitter ending of your story.

You told yourself it was a writer thing: that you wanted to hear his opinion.

It wasn’t that you were hopeful, and God forbid did it mean that you were hoping that the two of you could still be friends.

By the time your shared class ended, you were half-convinced, though. And you also had this baseless confidence that despite your nerves, you appeared to be nonchalant. Whether that was true or not, it didn’t really matter. The belief alone gave you enough strength to not walk a step behind Mark Lee while the two of you were heading towards the coffee shop you had used to frequent at.

You were walking side by side as if everything was alright.

As an introvert, you would have never thought that ordering your drink from a trainee barista you had never seen before could be the least stressful part of your meet-up with someone you had once considered your friend, but as soon as you took a seat and Mark did the same across from you, the silence turned unbearable. It made your palms clammy, your heart rate unstable and your stomach upset with the whole situation. At one point, you were genuinely afraid that the new employee had messed up your order and you would shit yourself on campus because of a few sips of fresh milk, like that was even possible.

You weren’t even lactose-intolerant. You simply preferred drinking plant-based milk, like oat and almond milk, when you had that option because of your acne-prone skin.

‘I broke up with Haeri,’ was the first thing that left the boy’s mouth, and it pretty much made it impossible for you to form any coherent sentence.

Mark had broken his bond with his soulmate - and there was a big possibility that he had been pushed to do so because of the rumours your friendship had started. You felt sick to your stomach. You had no idea what to say, whether to comfort him or give him advice. Whether you were even qualified to act as a relationship expert when yours was hanging on by a thin thread.

You refused to take your eyes off your drink, your quiet reaction no more than a soft hum. You wished Mark would have told you what he had expected from this conversation. If he had wanted to reconcile or simply inform you about his break-up before the two of you went on separate ways.

The carrot cake you ordered was way too sweet. You frowned once you swallowed down the first bite.

‘Both of our soulmate marks stayed the same, though…’ he added after a bit of hesitation, like he was carefully looking for the words to explain the situation. ‘Which means our real soulmates are… yeah. Still in relationships.’

Eyes wide like saucers, you looked at Mark in bewilderment. So Dejun and you weren’t the only ones. (Of course, you weren’t the only ones, that part had never been a question!) God, if it hadn’t felt unreal to know someone who was going through the same experience! What were the chances?

‘Dejun is not my soulmate,’ you blurted out without any regard for those who were sitting at the table next to yours or checking if anyone was listening in on your conversation. Maybe, it wasn’t the wisest idea to discuss something so raw and intimate in a public space; however, at that moment these concerns barely crossed your mind.

You accidentally found someone who could fully understand your current fears and struggles without being involved in the situation itself. Someone who had enough insight to support you without the need to shelter his own heart, thus distance himself from you. That was… you were right, and he finally decided to stop ghosting you in the first place.

‘Oh…’ Mark acknowledged your confession with a disappointed little sound, his lips jutting out while he stole a quick glance at the soulmate mark on his wrist.

Your surprise was genuine when you realised that unlike you, he was wearing his unchanged tattoo on his skin with confidence. But you figured, it was different when most people around him still thought he was happy and very much together with Haeri.

He would have had more questions to answer if he had suddenly started to cover up the proof of their love.

‘Do you think the profs liked our take on the topic?’ You asked when the silence became too long, and Mark showed no sign of adding anything more to your discussion. You took a small yet determined bite from your cake. It was still overly sweet, but you would be damned if you had let it go to waste for the money you had spent on it. ‘I kind of… zoned out when they were giving us feedback.’

The corner of Mark’s lips twitched, but he tried his best to swallow back his giggles. He even went as far as reaching out for his drink, so he could occupy himself in a somewhat subtle way.

He was painfully obvious. Still, you appreciated the gesture almost as much - if not more - as his willingness to go along with your lame attempt at changing the topic.

Two hours and a half had never flown by so fast, so easily.

Your life took on a new norm after your final exams.

For once, you moved back to Ansan for the school break (partly) to save some money on savoury fast food and unnecessarily yet aesthetic coffee dates that you liked to take yourself on. It was also less stressful to work on your thesis in the comfort of your childhood home, your dad never the one to skip out on serving you freshly cut, peeled fruit slices to boost your brain. Naturally, the closeness of your family was a real remedy for your troubled soul.

Meanwhile, Mark Lee took it upon himself to keep you updated on the city life and got into a never-ending conversation with you on instagram and kakao, his random questions and lyrics snippers seldom preceded by any hellos or his. Long story short, he took the whole “never making you feel ghosted or left out again” very seriously, even though you had reassured him on multiple occasions that you didn’t have to know everything about his days. Once he had started, there had been no turning back.

He kept your mind constantly occupied - that was your only excuse for forgetting about your relationship troubles with Dejun and not realising just how unhealthy and dependent it was to keep sending your boyfriend the same three messages each and every day: a curt good night, a somewhat more lively good morning and a repeated promise that you were taking good care of yourself despite your tendency to skip meals when they weren’t pre-made.

So imagine your surprise when Mark absent-mindedly asked you during one of your chill video calls whether you were still in a relationship despite your new soulmate mark, and the answer didn’t come to you as naturally as it was supposed to. Sure, Dejun wasn’t your one and only whom the universe had sent especially to you, and it had been over a month since you had seen his face, but he had promised you that… 

You still referred to him as your boyfriend in your head!

Not to mention that he would have told you if he had made up his mind, if he had wanted to put an end to your relationship and stay in your life only as a friend. Because he would have wanted to stay in your life, wouldn’t he? He had said he wasn’t leaving you, he just needed some time to digest the undeniable: that your soulmate was suddenly single, but the two of you had never broken up.

You had never broken up. You still hadn’t broken up.

Right?

‘I think so?’ You semi-asked, semi-claimed while you were picking on your nails, resisting the urge to pick up the fantasy book you had carefully put on your bedside table when Mark had called you. It was difficult to look into your front camera, so you kept your gaze on your hands.

‘You think so?’ The boy asked back, clearly taken aback by your answer.

You huffed, annoyed at him for no reason. 

Hell. Maybe it was yourself you were truly frustrated with. Had you even made the smallest attempt at fixing your relationship with Dejun? You were just waiting on him as though the ball was on his court now when in reality, you had never made the first move.

It was comfortable, way too comfortable, that you didn’t have to deal with the situation head on since Dejun wasn’t around. Because he “needed space”. When had been the last time you had checked on how he was doing? A good girlfriend would have been more worried about his well-being.

You gulped as a sudden wave of guilt washed over you.

‘I didn’t…’ you let out another strained sigh, your cheeks burning due to embarrassment, although you were fairly confident that Mark wouldn’t have judged you for what you were about to say. ‘I haven’t seen him in a while, and I never really asked him how he feels about us or… how he feels.’

‘Oh…’

‘It sounds horrible,’ you murmured under your nose, willing yourself to glance at the screen of your phone, so you could see Mark’s face. You had to look him in the eye to decipher how he felt about your actions, because his silence wasn’t easy to read. Was he disappointed? Did he think you were a bad person?

Somehow, the first option was scarier.

‘I’m not gonna lie, man, it does sound like you’re delaying the inevitable because it’s easy to not be the “bad guy” who breaks his heart, but…’

‘But?’ You interjected a little desperately as you were hoping that there would come a part in which you didn’t sound as selfish as you did in his analysis. Surely, you weren’t keeping your boyfriend in your relationship because it was convenient or because you were a coward who couldn’t put an end to your suffering.

You swallowed back a groan. You were being ridiculous, comparing whatever you two had to real agony. 

‘You’re not a horrible person. I know you, you were talking about yourself and not this whole thing when you said that, so yeah. Don’t think about yourself that way, because it’s not true,’ he confirmed a second time, sending you a tight-lipped smile through the camera before he turned over and made himself more comfortable on his own bed.

You reciprocated the gesture with a smaller albeit grateful smile.

The two of you stayed silent for a while. Mark was humming a song you hadn’t recognized, while you were thinking about how to make things right.

‘Do you think I should meet up with him? Talk things through? Break up with him?’ You asked, but the more you spoke, the clearer it became that these were exactly the things you had to do, so you weren’t actually surprised when instead of giving you a direct answer, Mark gifted you a proud smile and asked you about your thesis.

He was so unsubtle whenever he made an attempt at diverting the topic, but you didn’t mind. In fact, you found it quite adorable.

‘Actually! I might be able to wrap-up my analysis this week. It depends on whether or not my period gets in the way on the weekend,’ you bragged, genuinely proud of your progress that was only possible because you loved the topic you were researching: the differences between the storytelling of theatre plays and movies written for the silver screen.

‘Cool,’ Mark smiled at you, his teeth on full display. ‘Don’t push yourself too hard, though. You still have a lot of time until the deadline,’ he reminded you immediately, which gave you the perfect opportunity to tease him about his over-protectiveness and his own progress.

You didn’t think about Dejun for the rest of your call, but that also served as another reminder that it was time you started to be honest with him and yourself. Your issues hadn’t started with the change of your soulmate mark. They hadn’t even been brought upon you by the rumours that were still circulating around campus.

They had been there from the very beginning, in your heart, in the way you had always felt the need to invite your friend to your dates with Dejun, in your mild anxiety when the two of you were together without someone else keeping your boyfriend’s attention off of you.

You might have loved Dejun, you still did. However, you had never been in love with him, you could see it now clearly: the subtle yet undeniable difference between these two feelings. God, it was time, wasn’t it? That you finally set him free.

You went back to the capital city the next Saturday, because that was the first afternoon when neither did Dejun have an eight-hour-shift prior, nor were you in constant pain that made you feel easily irritable. One would have thought that one of these conditions would make THE TALK that much easier, but nothing could spare you the heartbreak.

In hindsight, you were grateful to the boy for allowing you - and suggesting - to have this conversation at his own place instead of in the uni dorm or at a public coffee shop, because you were shamelessly ugly crying while you were talking about your doubts and insecurities you had never mentioned to him while you two had been together. It was hard, seeing the hurt in his eyes. It was harder, when despite everything, he still tried to comfort you on his couch, but you did feel a little lighter by the time you two said your goodbyes.

Feeling melancholic, you blinked away another stubborn tear while looking up at the ceiling, then muffled a broken sob that threatened to escape your throat. You were in public now, trying to mend your heart with your favourite blueberry milkshake - and a slice of chocolate cake -, so you really couldn’t have afforded to break down again. That would have done no good to anyone involved; you got exhausted from the mere thought of more drama.

‘Here,’ you heard a familiar voice coming from across the table and something heavy being placed on the metal furniture. Confused, you let your head fall forwards and stared at the new glass of untouched blueberry milkshake in front of you. ‘This one is on me,’ Mark Lee said, not showing any signs of willingness to sit with you - nor to leave you be.

You pressed your lips into a thin line.

‘What are you doing here?’ You asked, because it was easier than saying thank you. Still, you made sure Mark knew you wouldn’t have minded if he stayed by not-so-subtly dragging your gaze from his face to the empty chair at your table, repeating the movement as many times as he needed to see it to understand.

Mark scoffed, more amused than anything, then took a seat.

‘You told me you were about to meet Dejun like…’ he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. ‘Four hours ago. Then, you went complete radio silence,’ he explained, making you frown. Had it been really that long since you had gotten off the bus near your ex-boyfriend’s place? ‘I was worried about you.’

It still didn’t explain how he had known where to find you when it wasn’t your usual coffee shop on campus, but you figured, you must have mentioned this particular milkshake shop to him enough times for him to draw the right conclusion. It was touching, that he paid so much attention quietly, and just knew when you needed someone’s silent support.

Albeit still only halfway through your first drink, you reached out for the free milkshake and pulled it closer to yourself with a grateful smile.

‘Thanks,’ you exclaimed with a bit more enthusiasm, although your liveliness soon deflated as you didn’t know how to start a light-hearted conversation. You didn’t necessarily want to talk about your mental breakdown in your ex-boyfriend’s living room, still embarrassed about the fact that you had needed to be comforted by the same person you had been deliberately breaking up with.

‘So…’ Mark broke the silence once you finished your first shake as though he wanted you to enjoy every drop of it before he dropped a bomb on you in public. You weren’t sure if his consideration had made any difference, but it was undoubtedly nice to not choke on your drink, so you decided to be grateful. ‘How did it go? Are you two singles again?’

Your first instinct was to hide your soulmate mark from him, which was stupid and irrational, but you guessed that was how instincts were. Your brain didn’t have much say in the process, overwhelmed by your inner need to protect yourself. Like Mark would have ever hurt you. Like your tattoo would have been affected by your recent break-up when its curves and lines had never had any connection to Dejun.

Slowly, you took your hand off your wrist and shrugged.

‘I guess so. I mean… His soulmate is still in a relationship, but… We both acknowledged verbally that we are no longer together, so somewhere in the world, his person also got a new tattoo and…’ you rambled, going on strong about the terrifying possibility that his soulmate - his real soulmate - might have also just realised that she had been in a fake “we’re meant to be” relationship this whole time.

The butterfly effect had never sounded so real and frightening - like a divine punishment that reached hundreds of thousands of innocent people just because once upon a time, two had made a silly mistake.

Someone took your hand. Mark took your hand, and only then you realised that you were trembling slightly. With anxiety? With frustration? Anger? You weren’t sure. Maybe, with a mixture of all three and more.

‘Take a deep breath,’ he instructed you gently, rubbing tentative circles into your skin, on the back of your hand that actually helped a lot more than you would have thought. ‘I know it feels like that right now, but not every relationship is as messed up as you think. Sure, there are people out there like us, like Dejun and Haeri, but there are others, too, who found their person and are happy,’ he said in a quiet voice, holding onto you the whole time.

You wanted to protest, you wanted to tell him how messed up the world was, but was there anything new you could have said to him? Mark was right, he had gone through something similar with his own ex. He knew.

Yet, he sounded almost hopeful. As though he still believed in his bond with his real love, his real partner for life. In the embodiment of the other half of his soul.

You scoffed and turned your head away, but didn’t take your hand out of his hold.

‘I’d like to show you something,’ he tried to ease you back into the conversation, squeezing your fingers lightly to get your attention, which you gave to him without much coaxing. He gifted you a brilliant smile in return.

Mark let go of your hand soon after, so that he could roll up his hoodie’s sleeve and show you his inked wrist.

Single.

His soulmate was single.

‘It changed not long after your last message. Maybe an hour, an hour and a half into your meet-up,’ he confessed, simultaneously shocking and rendering your brain. Was he trying to tell you that he was…

You yanked your hand out of his and stood up abruptly.

‘I’m sorry but… I really can’t do this now. I’m sorry,’ you apologised while you gathered all of your stuff and bolted out of the milkshake place as fast as an olympic athlete.

You weren’t dense. And despite those mistakes you had undoubtedly made during your first relationship, the insecurities and uncertainty each and every one of them had brought into your life, you could see the logic behind Mark’s reasoning. You could see the potential of the two of you becoming more than friends in the future regardless of your differences, because at the end of the day, he made you feel balance and peace.

However, your first-hand experience with misleading hints and mistaken bonds held you back from accepting his theory with open arms. For one, there could have been dozens of other people out there who had gotten single in that time frame he had mentioned. It didn’t matter to your brain that your tattoo had also changed after his fight with Haeri, which should have been suspicious. For two, you weren’t in love with Mark. Sure, you liked the guy, you might have gone as far as to say you felt connected to him on your good days, but was that enough to risk being tricked by destiny for a second time?

Your heart was still tender, and you told this much to Mark who reassured you that he hadn’t intended to come off that strong. He liked you as a person, and more than wanting to be your boyfriend, he wanted to be someone you felt comfortable around, so he was fine staying just your friend. A close friend, but a friend nevertheless.

His words gave you a reason to resist your urge to shut him out. Naturally, you needed a few days to respond to his triple texts and worried voice notes, but once you convinced yourself that meeting him face to face wouldn’t end up in a disaster, your friendship healed itself on its own.

So it didn’t feel rushed when after the new semester began, you started to spend more time in each other’s company than you had done so during your project regardless whether you were working on your schoolwork or enjoying your scarce free time. You justified your decision to meet-up with the boy regularly during your free periods by claiming that Mark brought the best study snacks to your study sessions out of everyone you had ever worked with. He was also a perfectionist, so he understood your need to finish your tasks in advance and never disturbed you when you were writing your assignments. He was… just right, in every sense of the word.

He fitted in your life so seamlessly, without taking you away from your family, Yuju or your other, less present friends, it was insane. Yet, whenever your heart tried to tear down the wall that you had deliberately built between the two of you, your mind hesitated.

It was too early. It was too soon.

And then, it was already time for the annual New Year’s party in your dorm. Time was such a weird, human-made construct.

‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ You could hear Yuju’s concerned voice when you reached out for one of the shot glasses in the middle of the communal kitchen table, the amateurly mixed brandy-soda-coke combo promising nothing good after your second can of cheap beer. Most of the time, you weren’t a big drinker. Not to mention that you hadn’t been to any social gatherings since the semester kick off party way back in February, long before most students had learned your name around campus. However, this time, you had an acceptable reason to put your limits to the test.

After all, it hadn’t been ten minutes since your best friend had asked for your blessing as apparently, she and Dejun had gotten closer after your break-up in August and started to develop feelings for each other along the way. Obviously, Yuju had made sure you knew she would have turned down the guy if any possibility of them working out despite the odds had hurt you, but should your opinion have mattered that much?

Dejun and you had already been history. And while you appreciated Yuju’s thoughtfulness, it made you feel a tad troubled: that a part of her might have seriously considered it as an option that you wouldn’t have been able to put her happiness first.

That aside, you obviously weren’t unaffected by the revelation. You couldn’t put your finger on how they were so ready to give a try to a future together when their real soulmates were out there somewhere, completely unaware of their decision to settle down with someone else. With a person who shouldn’t have felt perfect, right or a complementary part of their life. How could Dejun - of ALL people - be so unafraid when you were terrified to let Mark in?

As another wave of realisation hit you in the face, and you once again learned something new about yourself and your feelings, you sent a bittersweet yet reassuring smile in your friend’s way and lifted your drink a little higher.

‘It’s the last day of the year. If I’m about to make mistakes, there’s no better time for it,’ you reasoned, finding it absolutely hilarious how uncharacteristic you sounded even to your own ears. ‘It’s not because of you guys, I promise, it’s not,’ you added, though, almost as an afterthought, because the concern in Yuju’s eyes didn’t seem to fade, and you didn’t want her to give up on a happy relationship due to something you had to deal with on your own.

It took Yuju an eye-killing staring contest to not question your sincerity, but she did give you a semi-convinced nod after she had lost, so you were able to join the group shot. You could even have a second round before she pointed at something behind your back and informed you that Mark Lee was clearly elbowing his way through the crowd to get to you.

Just the person you wanted to see! How did he even know on which floor you were when the dorm had six floors, each one of them filled with students partying for a different genre of music?

Your heart skipped a silly beat when your fuzzy mind came up with the idea that Mark Lee was going through floor after floor just to find you. Then, it sped up again as you imagined him knowing you well enough to be aware of where you would be hiding from him. (If you had been really hiding from him, which you obviously didn’t do and would have never admitted doing so, anyway.)

‘So it’s the 2000s’ Disney classics now, hah?’ He greeted you with a cheeky smile, his brown orbs twinkling with amusement and a pinch of mischief - two things you tried to shut out as much as possible. Dealing with his stupid grin was already challenging enough, you didn’t need more.

‘Everyone loves High School Musical,’ you retorted, although you both knew these kinds of songs weren’t high on your preference list. In fact, you could have been found listening to drama and anime OSTs sooner than any of these western classics.

Luckily, Mark was wise enough to not call you out on your bullshit for the second time under one minute.

‘Hey, Mark! Can you make sure she doesn’t drink too much, at least, not unsupervised? The second floor has, apparently, a few legendary ballads in their karaoke machine, and I want to get there before Dejun is up,’ Yuju explained before she turned towards you and cupped your cheeks with her hands. Your pout was genuine and sulky, not because she was about to check on her soon-to-be-boyfriend or because said boyfriend-to-be was your ex, but because she was about to ditch you and consequently leave you alone with your supposed-to-be soulmate. You whined as you held onto her sleeve. ‘I’ll be back in an hour. Be good,’ she reassured you right before she peeled your fingers off her clothes and left.

Your lips trembled in distress as your head fell forwards and your shoulders sagged.

You barely flinched when Mark’s palm tentatively touched your blade bone. In fact, the warm breath that accompanied his worried ‘Are you okay?’ had a lot more impact on you when he leaned closer to make sure you could hear him clearly.

As you slowly turned around to face him, you were wondering how it would have felt to just let yourself be and seek comfort in Mark’s closeness. Would he have found it weird if you had buried your face in the crook of his neck? Should you have gone for his chest instead, using it as a pillow and a safe haven?

Why were you still hesitating when you knew he was convinced the two of you were meant to be? Why couldn’t you admit that none of these questions were about him? They were all about you. It was you who couldn’t decide whether hugging him more intimately would have made you feel creeped out. It was you who had a hard time accepting that the only thing you had to do was giving it a try and you could have been more.

So, so much more.

‘Man, do you need some water? Are you about to throw up?’

You had no idea what kind of face you were making, but you must have looked horrible or in pain. Otherwise, Mark wouldn’t have been thinking in such extremes, wouldn’t he?

You pressed your lips together and shook your head. Yet, he gently led you to the sink in the communal kitchen and got you a glass of cool, filtered water just to be sure.

The two of you stood in front of the sink in silence for God knew how long. The songs came and went, some more upbeat than others, some blending into the conversations around you. You kept your gaze on the half-empty glass in your hand, unsure and a tad insecure about too many things to keep count of.

‘Yuju and Dejun like each other,’ you blurted out at the most random moment, without any sign or warning in advance. If anyone had asked - if Mark had asked -, you would have put the blame on those shots you had drunk not that long ago, and a part of you actually believed there was some truth to your excuse. Being tipsy weakened your filters, so the words came out more easily.

Your thoughts were out in the open.

‘I think they will be official soon. Boyfriend and girlfriend,’ you added when your rambling was met with no verbal reaction, then took a forced gulp from your water because it started to feel a little embarrassing: the lack of response, the one-sided conversation.

‘Does it bother you?’ Mark asked eventually, slowly taking the empty glass out of your hand, so he could refill it for you.

‘No… Yes… No, but…’ You were struggling to find the correct words, maybe because your head was a mess, and you were trying to explain everything all at once when it wasn’t that simple. Your thoughts on the situation were complicated since this piece of information was still new to you. You had barely had time to comprehend, let alone accept the drastic change in your best friend and your ex’s relationship.

Mark’s fingers were cold and wet when they sneaked around your wrist and pulled your hand closer. The movement, sharp but gentle, pulled you back to the present.

‘If you still—’

‘That’s not what I meant.’

You didn’t let him finish, cutting him off a bit too loudly, which gained a couple of students’ attention for a brisk moment. Cheeks hot and scarlet red, you felt relieved when you realised that your sudden silence and the overall upbeat atmosphere of the ongoing party made them move on from the awkward situation quite quickly.

You willed your lungs to take in some of the suffocating air while you simultaneously mustered up your courage to place your palm on Mark’s chest to keep him still physically as well. You needed him to listen to everything you wanted to say, otherwise, there was a chance he might have misunderstood the mess in your head that you yourself also had to detangle real time, during your all-over-the-place monologue.

‘Yes, their relationship bothers me, but…’ you started, digging your fingers into Mark’s chest a bit firmer. You bit into your right cheek from the inside quite harshly as you were fighting against your growing frustration. ‘The fact that they are happy together? I know that I can get over that.’

Maybe, it would take a few days. Maybe, it would feel weird to see them together the first couple of times, especially if they held hands or cuddled in front of you, but you were pretty confident this development wouldn’t have hurt your relationship with either of them. And Mark seemed to believe you if his encouraging, almost proud smile was anything to go by.

You nodded to yourself, satisfied with where this conversation was going.

You could do it. In that moment, with alcohol coursing through your veins and Mark Lee smiling down at you like you were invincible, you truly believed that you could accomplish anything.

‘Their relationship bothers me because… Because!’ You were almost there, you could feel the words on the tip of your tongue. ‘They see a future together despite knowing they weren’t meant for each other and… And…’ You gulped, desperate eyes boring deep into Mark’s. ‘And I’m too afraid to be with you and see our tattoos remain the same.’

There it was. 

It hadn’t been that hard, had it?

(It had been.)

You didn’t realise how much energy it had taken you to confess until you were over it and the lack of stress left you with nothing. For a second, you felt numb. Then, your shoulders fell forwards and all you could feel was the tiredness in your bones.

It was a long night - despite the clock still one and a half hours away from midnight - with a lot of interactions you weren’t quite used to. Your social battery could only do so much after dealing with Yuju and now… even with your own feelings for your possible other half.

‘It’s okay. We don’t have to put a label on us until you like me enough to not care even if our marks remain the same,’ Mark reassured you, petting your head like you were some child, although you had to admit that it did feel nice. So you closed your eyes to be able to enjoy it more - with one sense being shut down, the others like touch were bound to get heightened, you supposed -, the goofy smile on your face a clear indication that you were more than just tipsy at that point. ‘Do you wanna go back to your room? I can get Haechan to buy us some ice cream or something,’ the boy offered, making you giggle for no goddamn reason. Still, it was funny, picturing him begging his friend to get you something sweet from 7-eleven when he must have been also partying somewhere in the building.

‘I have potato chips under the bed,’ you announced, willingly tailing Mark after he took your words as an okay sign and started to pull you towards the hallway.

Much to your surprise, the music remained just as overpowering until you reached the third or fourth room, however, Yuju and you lived at the end of the corridor, near the communal shower area, so it was all dandy. Once you were behind closed doors, the party turned into literal background noise.

‘So…’ Mark started, and on any other day, you might have been able to sense his uncertainty about how to act nonchalant in a room where it was only the two of you, but at that moment, all you could concentrate on was how good it felt: the relative silence after people screaming around you for hours while pretending to be singing.

You sat down on the edge of your bed and laid back with a relieved sigh. The mattress was so damn comfortable, you knew it wouldn’t take long for you to fall asleep.

And you might have just blacked out for a second after that thought had hit you, because the next thing you were aware of was a pair of calloused fingertips grazing along your temple. A feather-light weight on your entire body. Someone apologising for the jeans you would need to sleep in and then…

Then, a pair of pillowy lips, chapped and unexpectedly soft, touched the top of your head.

Albeit shocked, you didn’t find the power in you to re-open your eyes.

The next day, you woke up with a massive headache and a sore body that you wholeheartedly blamed on those jeans you were still wearing as though you hadn’t been completely yourself when you had gotten ready for bed.

You couldn’t recall much after Yuju had left you alone with Mark. At least, not until you fell back on your sheets and the phantom caress of two firm, hardworking fingers punched you in the guts.

Shit! You had fallen asleep while Mark had been still in your room. It had been his first time in your safe space and you had blacked out before you could have given him a tour or… Had he tried to talk to you? Had you managed to completely ignore his existence? Ahgrr. He must have felt so uncomfortable.

A mild panic attack started to brew in the pits of your stomach. Consequently, your carnal need to check up on the boy and confirm that nothing had changed between the two of you pushed the symptoms of your hangover in the back of your mind. Like you had never been in physical pain.

You jumped out of bed as quickly as if someone had set the whole furniture on fire. Your eyes were loitering over your interior rapidly, searching for your phone since you honest to God couldn’t have told where you had put it the previous night. Knowing yourself, it could have been anywhere from the back pocket of your jeans to the dusty floor under your desk, hence you proceeded with an open mind.

Just to find it on the pillow you hadn’t even used, plugged into your charger. The thoughtful sight dressed your cheeks in a light shade of coral pink.

Tentatively, you laid back on the sheets and took the slightly warm device in your hands. You used your fingerprint to unlock the phone, then opened your kakao app, because reading only the notifications would have been useless with the amount of unread messages you had.

Your thumb was hovering over the latest text you had received, Mark’s full name greeting you with a guitar and a nerd emoji next to it, but then your gaze fell on your chat with your best friend, and you decided to be more reasonable. Sure, the fact that she clearly wasn’t in your shared room despite her inability to reach you must have meant that she knew you were okay, but still… It was only fair you put her first.

It didn’t matter that you were more curious about those five messages Mark had apparently sent you. 

It also didn’t matter that the sole reason you hadn’t fallen back asleep was your eagerness to clear up any possible misunderstandings with the boy: like him interpreting your behaviour last night as if you couldn’t have cared less about him.

You cared so much about him.

(Too much, maybe. You just sucked at expressing it and were a coward who couldn’t admit these kinds of things even to herself.)

Your smile was brilliant when you skimmed through Yuju’s messages and noticed the visible change in her tone once she had gotten to know that albeit wasted, you were well taken care of. She said Mark had called her as soon as he had tucked you in - his words, not hers -, then reminded you of the first aid kit in her lowest drawer where you could find painkillers in case you were struggling. She also lectured you about drinking too much alcohol, but it was hard to take her words to heart when she wished you a happy new year and promised you to bring home some chicken trio pizza for dinner on her way home.

You sent her a selfie with your thumb up and reassured her that she didn’t have to rush. You could take care of yourself just fine - and you didn’t have any groundbreaking plans for the first day of the year anyway. To be honest, you doubted you would even leave the safety of your room for more than occasional toilet breaks.

Your lazy plans immediately got cancelled, though, when you opened Mark’s messages and saw that he had invited you out for a brunch slash lunch, depending on when you woke up or which one you were more up to.

You didn’t realise how ravenous you were until your eyes fell on the photo he had sent you of the sunny side ups that he had made for breakfast, offering to cook something simple for you in the communal kitchen in case you didn’t feel like going out. (And while you appreciated the thought and were genuinely tempted to spend the whole day on your bed with him, you couldn’t have helped but remember his friends’ teasing, which heavily indicated that he was a horrible cook.)

You asked for an hour to put yourself together and let him decide where you would eat until the restaurant wouldn’t be too crowded and the food wouldn’t be too heavy on your sensitive stomach. Your hangover was no joke. Just thinking of your favourite pizza, you already felt like throwing up again.

Had you even thrown up the previous night? For the life of you, you couldn’t tell.

But it didn’t really matter. Because the moment you stepped outside of your room, you came face to face with Mark Lee, and he gave you that look: the look that said he was happy to see you and might have even thought you were pretty despite the oversized hoodie and leggings combo you were wearing, hair in a messy bun on the top of your head. There was no way he felt grossed out by the sight of you even though he had been the last person who had seen you last night.

You gave him a small, almost bashful smile.

The diner Mark chose was a noodle soup shop near campus that you had never tried before, but you trusted his taste and did not get disappointed when the middle aged ahjumma placed two steaming bowls on your table in the back. The smell was rich, but not overpowering. The taste… The taste was heavenly.

‘Last night was pretty wild, hah? I usually don’t drink that much, by the way. You can take my words on that,’ you stirred up a conversation as soon as the boy’s eyes on each and every movement of yours started to get a tad overwhelming. Not in a bad way, of course. You rarely felt any negative emotions when you were with him; you considered thinking about the boy when he wasn’t around a completely different thing. And even then it was more about your insecurities and fears, never about something he did intentionally.

Gosh, here you were again, casually overthinking like it was your hobby.

‘Were you drinking because of me?’

You froze with your hand in mid-air, noodles slipping through your chopsticks as your grip got weaker due to your shock. The broth splashed on your face the moment they hit the soup, the hot liquid burning your skin a little, though that wasn’t the real reason your cheeks put on a light, pinkish shade.

You hadn’t seen it coming: the almost confrontational turn your conversation had just taken when it was Mark sitting in front of you. It would have been different if it had been Yuju or Mark’s talkative (and lowkey annoying nosy) friend, but… It was Mark!

You were lucky, you hadn’t choked on your meal.

‘I…’ You cleared your throat, unintentionally making the atmosphere heavier. You couldn’t look Mark in the eyes. ‘Maybe?’ You half-admitted as you placed the chopsticks on the edge of your bowl and dropped your hands in your lap with a helpless sigh. You didn’t want to lie. You also didn’t want to talk about your feelings without proper preparation, but clearly, your life wasn’t a wish-granting factory. ‘I also took some shots to celebrate the New Year.’

Mark’s amused giggle was yet another unexpected slap in the face. However, you welcomed it like a caress as it encouraged you to meet his eyes. His happiness didn’t help much with your confusion, but it warmed your heart, so you let it be.

‘Cute,’ he complimented you as soon as he calmed down, his gaze shifting from your scarlet cheeks to your abandoned, wooden cutlery. You knew he wanted to encourage you to pick the chopsticks up again, but you weren’t so sure whether that would have been a good idea. You weren’t in the clear just yet.

In fact, your conversation might have been just about to get tougher if his mischievous eyes were anything to go by.

‘I’m not sure how much you remember from last night, but I understand your feelings. It’s scary for me, too,’ he said with enough nonchalance to make you wonder whether he was panicking under the collected facade. The Mark you knew would have rather let his friends bully him (affectionately) than engage in a fight. He had never been this confrontational, and you weren’t sure how you felt about this development.

Unsure whether he was finished or there was still stuff he wanted to bring up, you remained silent and mentally scolded yourself for even thinking about picking on the skin around the base of your nails.

‘I want, more than anything, to test if you’re it for me, but that’s not why I wanted to meet up with you,’ he eventually blurted out before he took a big mouthful of his noodles, probably to steal a bit more time. You waited, patiently. ‘Please don’t push me away. You don’t have to like me like that. You don’t have to agree to become my girlfriend like ever, man. But please, don’t avoid me.’

His pleading broke something in you, not because of how desperately he was talking or how he felt the need to have this request, but because this had been what you had tried to do the night before, when Yuju had pointed him out in the crowd.

He knew you. He knew your instincts were working against you two, and he was begging you to stay.

To choose him, in whichever way your heart was able to handle your relationship.

‘I’m not gonna do any of those, I promise,’ you mumbled, hoping that you could keep your promise to him, because he was being so tolerant, so patient with you, it was the least you could do.

Just like Dejun, Mark deserved so much better.

But unlike your ex-boyfriend, his presence in your life felt so effortless, so good, a part of you could almost believe that the two of you were…

You bit into your lower lip and shook your head. This wasn’t right. You shouldn’t have given him a chance because of a system that had already screwed you over. Because a sick part of your brain rationalised that the universe knew you better than you knew yourself.

‘I want to give us a try,’ you admitted slowly, choosing your words with utmost care as if one wrongly chosen synonym could have broken your friendship. Like you were still working on one of your most draining assignments for a professor that took points from you for using the same word in two consecutive sentences. ‘But I have one condition.’

Mark didn’t take his eyes off you. He wasn’t blinking, and you weren’t sure he was breathing properly, either, but his complexion looked convincing enough for you to keep going instead of stalling and checking up on him.

‘I don’t want to be your girlfriend.’ The pained look in Mark’s eyes squeezed your organs, and if you had felt a bit more poetic, you would have said, it twisted the knife in your heart, too. So you willed yourself to push through. ‘What I mean is that… I want what Dejun and Yuju have. And since we don’t know whether we are meant to be like how they already know they aren’t… I…’ you were clearly struggling at that point, but you were almost there.

You almost detangled the mess in your own head.

You almost managed to communicate your concerns.

You only needed a little bit more.

‘You want to be with me regardless?’ Mark asked, sounding hopeful and something else, too, something akin to melted butter on your toast.

You nodded, embarrassingly eager to get to the end of this topic and finally be on the same page as the boy.

‘If we don’t agree on being boyfriend-girlfriend, our tattoos won’t change. They’re not gonna spoil it,’ you argued, feeling significantly lighter after the last word fell from your lips, your smile bright and a lot wider than it had been at any moment in the past few days.

And the best part?

Mark Lee was shining like the damned Sun and all the stars in the sky upon hearing your confession. 

‘I can do that! Let’s do that! I want that, to have a chance with you, be with you. Because it does feel right. You. Us. You make me feel all gooey and boom boom inside. You make me feel like all those cringey love songs that secretly everyone likes,’ he rambled, awakening half a dozen long-dead butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

You wondered if this was how falling in love should have felt in the first place. Weren’t you only giving him a chance to see where this would lead the two of you? Were you really, truly, genuinely falling for him already?

Were you in love?

As good as you were with words in most cases, Mark’s rambling quite literally rendered you speechless. You didn’t know what more you were supposed to say without revealing your inner turmoil. After all, you had already admitted that you wanted to give it a try.

If you had been one of your characters, you would have described what you were about to do as cowardly, but at that moment it sounded rather logical (and definitely convenient) to just pick up your chopsticks and dive into your noodle soup. So that was what you did, keeping your eyes on your food while blaming your flaming cheeks on your hot lunch.

You didn’t entertain the topic more than it was strictly necessary, and you didn’t bring it up again when Mark took pity on you and decided to ask about something completely different yet maybe just as important: your plans for after your graduation ceremony next week.

Sadly, you were still struggling with finding a full-time job, but your parents were happy to have you back at home, so at least, you didn’t have to worry about housing or wasting money. You would be fed three times a day for free and have all the time in the world to find out how desperate you were to find a job in your field a.k.a. how much longer you could go without giving in and just taking the first offer that came your way.

‘I don’t want to lower my standards just yet. Maybe… after a month or two,’ you pondered aloud, then took a bigger slurp of your soup just before you asked for Mark’s opinion.

You didn’t call your lunch a date, nor did Mark ask you out on one when he suggested you watched a movie in the cinema on Saturday, but he did walk you all the way back to your door once he paid for the food and held onto your clammy hand during the second half of the elevator ride.

Hence, you assumed you were official. In your own, cautious albeit determined way.

the end.

[mywitchyblog]

Debunking anti-Aging Rethoric (Again)

Thanks @lizzy4president for this post, and I will debunk it accordingly. It seems that these cultists/Shiftokers don’t know shit about shifting or how it works. No matter how much theoretical knowledge you have about shifting, there are things you will never know unless you have shifted yourself—and I mean full-on shifts, not minishifts. That said, I will debunk this:

My age Changing Post :

My Masterlist :

So, let’s talk about the whole “aging down is weird because your consciousness retains your current age” nonsense that these people keep pushing. First off, this argument shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how reality shifting works. When you shift to a different age in your Desired Reality (DR), you're not just playing dress-up or pretending to be younger—you become that age in every sense of the word.

Immersive Experience: The Reality of Aging Down

In your DR, you don’t just take on a younger appearance while keeping the maturity of your Original Reality (OR) self. No, it’s way deeper than that. Your entire cognitive and emotional framework adapts to the age you’ve shifted to. If you script yourself as a 14-year-old, you don’t walk around with the mindset of a 30-year-old stuck in a teenager’s body. You fully embody the mindset, emotions, and maturity of a 14-year-old. This isn’t just about physical changes—your brain, your thoughts, and your emotional responses align with that younger age.

Neuroscience backs this up too. Maturity is tied to the development of specific brain regions, like the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for things like decision-making and impulse control. When you shift, your consciousness adapts to the brain development appropriate for that age in your DR. You’re not lugging your OR brain around; instead, you’re operating with the cognitive equipment that matches your DR age. This means that in your DR, you’re not a 30-year-old thinking like a 14-year-old—you’re truly 14 with the maturity that comes with that age​.

Debunking the Consciousness Retention Myth

Now, some folks seem to think that when you shift to a younger age, you somehow retain your OR “adult consciousness.” This is pure bullshit. When you shift, your consciousness isn’t this fixed, immovable thing that drags your OR mentality into your DR. It’s adaptable and fluid. If you script or intend to be a teenager, your consciousness adjusts to that reality—period. There’s no “adult awareness” hanging around in the background. Your thoughts, decisions, and reactions all align with your DR age​.

The Fallacies Behind Anti-Aging Rhetoric

Let’s get into the nitty-gritty of why these anti-aging arguments are straight-up flawed. The rhetoric used against aging down is packed with logical fallacies that just don’t hold up when you actually understand shifting.

Straw Man Fallacy: This is when someone misrepresents an argument to make it easier to attack. Anti-aging down critics love to claim that anyone who shifts to a younger age is doing it for creepy, inappropriate reasons. They simplify the complexity of shifting into a caricature, which makes it easier for them to criticize. But that’s not how it works. Shifters age down for countless reasons—healing, exploration, nostalgia—and it’s not all about sexual or romantic intentions​.

Hasty Generalization: This fallacy happens when someone takes a limited number of cases and makes a broad, sweeping statement. Anti-aging rhetoric often assumes that if one person ages down for inappropriate reasons, then everyone who ages down must be doing the same. This ignores the vast majority of shifters who age down for completely innocent and personal reasons. Thesehoes need to stop making assumptions based on a few bad apples and recognize the diversity of experiences in the shifting community​.

False Equivalence: Here’s a big one. Critics often equate shifting to a younger age with being an adult in a child’s body in the OR, implying that it’s somehow the same as being predatory or inappropriate in the OR. This is a total false equivalence. When you shift, you fully become that younger self—your consciousness, maturity, and experiences align with that age in the DR. It’s not even remotely comparable to being an adult trying to live as a child in the OR​.

Slippery Slope: This fallacy suggests that if you allow one thing to happen (like aging down), it will inevitably lead to something much worse. Anti-aging critics often argue that allowing or accepting aging down will lead to more predatory behavior or normalize inappropriate desires or even the presence of pedophiles in the Shifting Community. But there’s no evidence to back this up. Aging down is about fully embracing and experiencing life at a different age, not about some slippery slope into immoral behavior​.

Addressing the Ethical Concerns

A lot of people throw around ethical concerns like they’re confetti, especially when it comes to aging down. They’re quick to scream, “But it’s creepy!” without understanding the actual reasons why someone might want to age down. Spoiler: it’s not always about romance or sex and in some cases it s even acceptable because you dont know why they do the things that they do what if someone got an traumatic event like SA in highschool and wish to replace it with a healthy moment ? Or someone got chated on and wished to see how things wouldve been ? Or someone was going to have an aooportunity like that but has missed out on it ? If someone yearns for the teenage romance eveyone and their mother in films movies and TV series love to push ? This is not shifting for predatory reasons far from it.

For many shifters, aging down is about healing or exploring stages of life they didn’t get to fully experience in their OR. It could be about reliving a simpler time, overcoming past traumas, or just enjoying the freedom and innocence that comes with being younger. It’s a deeply personal process, and it’s not inherently sexual or predatory​.

Infinite Realities and Subjective Morals

Let’s not forget that shifting involves infinite realities, each with its own set of rules and morals. What might be seen as inappropriate in one reality could be completely normal in another. This idea that OR morals are the blueprint for every DR is just plain wrong. If you’re aging down in your DR, it’s because that reality’s context allows it, and there’s nothing inherently weird or wrong about that. It’s time to stop judging DR experiences by OR standards​.

Conclusion: Embrace the Full Experience

In conclusion, aging down isn’t weird, predatory, or inappropriate. When you shift, you become that age completely—mentally, emotionally, and cognitively. The arguments against this practice are based on misunderstandings, fallacies, and a lack of real shifting experience. Shifting is about exploring and fully immersing yourself in another reality, and that includes becoming the age you choose to shift to. So, the next time someone tells you that aging down is weird, just remember: they don’t know what they’re talking about, and you’re the one who truly understands the depth of the shifting experience.

[laelelinae]

please do twin dad!kuroo hcs

Have a good day/night

Twin dad Kuroo HC!

Not proof read!

HUHUHU I LOVE THIS!! GONNA MAKE A LITTLE BONUS!

Working on the rest of your requests soon💞💞

when he first found out your pregnant (you surprised him) he literally flew out from the sofa like IT WAS SO FUNNY

Literally started celebrating and jumping around hugging you,spinning you around 😭

LMFAO PROBABLY TOLD KENMA AND KENMA WAS LIKE “oh so you did the taco and burrito” (ykyk. 😣)

He surely went to pregnancy checkups,did your cravings together,always service you and just comforts you when your sick🫶🏻

But the thing is..he noticed your belly was WAYY bigger then how normal pregnancy bellies

Soo..when one of the checkups..

“Congrats ma’am ,you have twins”

His jaw DROPPED to the GROUND!!

He was literally jumping around like a literal rabbit ,telling everyone.

After knowing is twins instead of one child ,probably went more intense caring about you.

Soo..during the gender reveal party..well iconic,it was a cake

Kenma was holding his laugh in for some reason (docs told Kenma about the gender)

Honestly kuroo didn’t mind any gender in general ,is his and yours kid. He would just love them to death.

And..when you cut the cake..it was pinks AND blue?!

Boy,Kenma laughed like a monkey💀and he said

“Is a boy and a girl”

KUROO FUCKING FLEW OUT OF HAPPINESS ONG.

..okay after months of literal hell,you gave birth and Kuroo was holding his shit in to not cry.

. . . .

After a few years,your kids are 5 years old now!

And the boy surely was more attached to you yet he loves his dad,and the girl surely was attached to Kuroo more

Kuroo has tea parties and dresses up as a princess with your daughter AWWW!😭🫶🏻🫶🏻

He probably plays volleyball with your son,sometimes your daughter if she’s willing to.

Doesn’t have favorite,loves both equally a LOT.

Spoils the kids so much you lecture Kuroo about it

They have their own room with their favorite color (kuroo took HOURS to decorate them and make them good)

Brings the two to get ice cream often😭

Probably brings them to parks and his friends volleyball matches

His friends loves them :) (not the Drake way)

ESPECIALLY HINATA AND KENMA(SURPRISINGLY?!)

Made your kids called Kenma their uncle!! (Lowkey Kenma felt proud)

Honestly didn’t want to watch the kids grow up,he loved them running around the house.

OH YEAH!! The girls first word was papa and the boy was “mama” LMFAO

Always gives the best surprise to your kids,your kids loves your dad and Kuroo loves them too <333

BUTT when they were teenagers !! (13)

The type to say “no girlfriends or boyfriends till your 30”

“Dad,what the hell” THATS ALL HE GOT IN RESPOND

The type to also say “back in my days!!😔”

Whenever your not home,probably eats the most unhealthiest shit ever with them

Probably owns a “best dad ever shirt” AND A FUCKING MUG

The type to make dad jokes 👎

Probably tells his son about his teenage years in secret since his daughter probably does not gaf

Your son is probably more calm and mature but has a silly side and your daughter has a more bold and silly girl in general yk?

Leaves the daughter to you once she hits puberty yk? Girls girls <3

Probably practice volleyball with the two often!

Whenever Kuroo brought some stuff home from groceries and your kids try them and say like “oh ! This js pretty good dad!”

Next day,he buys PACKS of them 💀

When you guys were just all in the living room together he randomly mentioned how hard it was to ask you out on the date

And your daughter went like “of course dad,your a literal loser and mom is a literal goddess”

Your son calmly agreed 💀

He was SO OFFENDED!!

He would still pick them up even when they are in middle school,he sometimes would drive them to school!

Probably might not be the most emotional support father but he tries his best! <3

Literally would beat up that person if they ever make fun of your kid 💀

Goes on morning runs with your son whenever he can

Your kid still love their “uncle” kenma LMFAO

And your so glad kuroo gets along really well with your kids <3

Oh god you just love them 😭

[anomaly-076]

If the tkdb ghouls were the whb devils, who do you think would be who?

If Tkdb boys were WHB demons

‎‧₊˚✿Masterlist✿˚₊‧

♦ Ooh a fun concept! ^^ *rolls up sleeves*

  ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆

Jin

Jin is an absolute Belphegor with the whole 'leave me alone I'm sleeping thing'

Plus he has his trusty servant to take care of everything

Tohma

For the same reason I'm gonna say Tohma is pretty much Beleth

A trusty servant taking on the responsibilities of leading the kingdom/house

Lucas

Okay, not a devil, but I'm gonna say Minhyeok

Our trusty childhood friend who's all prim and proper

And him and Ppyong are amazing besties just like Lucas and Kaito

Kaito

To simply put it: Kaito is an idiot

Kinda like Ppyong, who mostly says stuff that make you wonder if there's a single braincell happening (doesn't matter, he's my son either way)

They both also see themselves at a prince in a shining armor

  ⋆˚✿˖°

Alan

Rarely talks, doesn't really show much emotions...

That sounds like Zagan to me!

Another thing they have in common is their interest in working out

Leo

*sigh* this might be controversial, but I don't hate Leo

Otherwise I'd hate to assign him one of my favorites: Paimon

They're both these cheery and cutesy social media fiends

To be fair: Paimon is a bit controversial too

In a way that there was a bit of drama bc regarding people's HCs (one person was hypocritical about them not adhering to canon)

Sho

Bike boy Sho gets a bike boy Amy

They're both pretty chill despite coming off as a meanie at first

  ⋆˚✿˖°

Haku

Our ever-so-cheery Haku can be no other than babyboy Gamigin

They're both so energetic and adorable ^^

Towa

This is more based on my personal HC, but Morax strikes me as the type to be able to talk to plants/animals and to attract them

Both our boys are on the quiet side and morax is definitely the romantic type too

Ren

In the original design, Gusion was made out to be a gamer in a onesie and so I HC that it was his "teenage" phase he hasn't grown out of and only chooses to dress more mature

They both would absolutely love to have a movie/gaming marathon with MC

  ⋆˚✿˖°

Taiga

Ah, guns ablazing

Stolas has a bit of a short fuse and likes to fire two of his thompsons

I kinda wanna see these two on a shooting range now

Romeo

With Romeo's obsession with meeting deadline money goals, Bimet is the absolute perfect equivalent

We even had an event where some of his money went missing and he threw such a bad temper tantrum

Ritsu

This one is kinda hard...

I don't think there is a demon that would be similar to Ritsu..

Oh, but we do have Bael who is constantly doing paperwork instead of Beelzebub, who's always gone

And Bael is constantly sending all the other nobles out to chase him down

Just like Ritsu constantly bothers Taiga and Romeo with his lawyer roleplay

  ⋆˚✿˖°

Subaru

Subaru as the pretty boy he is gets another pretty boy, Foras

According his idiosyncrasy, Foras is the prettiest demon in Hell so much so even his king, Leviathan, gets jealous

Haku

Personality vise I don't think we have a demon to match Haku, but the spiritual vibe he has reminds me of Buer

Buer gives me the vibe of some temple priest/spiritual healer

Zenji

Zenji is another one who's kinda hard to find a demon for

There isn't really an artist/writer type of demon

So maybe... Astaroth?

Astaroth finds pleasure in corrupting people with his words, just like Zejni wants to spread his poems and songs

  ⋆˚✿˖°

Edward

Old man

Just like Lucifer

I can imagine them sitting in Lucifer's greenhouse and relaxing together

Rui

Another one I wanna say Astaroth about?

Rui is a flirt, just like Astaroth

Plus the whole bar thing matches the corruption thing really well

I once even wrote Astaroth as someone you don't want to watch over the alcohol on a party

Lyca

This one is kinda obvious: Naberius

Since he can turn into Cerberus while angry and they're both precious

  ⋆˚✿˖°

Yuri

Yuri gives strong Agares vibes withe way he thinks everything revolves around him

They're both full of themselves and have a faithful sidekick

Jiro

Gentle giant ♥

Okay, Marbas isn't as gentle (if even), but they're both precious big medic boys

I can even imagine Marbas waving a chainsaw around

If he wan't for the safety of everyone tied up

[juuuulez]

i sound rlly weird asking but can u make a part two of the jerk!ng off head cannons for carl 😇😇

literally of course my man ALWAYS deserves to feel good

this is short and sweet, also strayed away from headcanons and did a little bit of a fic….actually loved writing this

NSFW under the cut, all characters depicted are 18+, MDNI.

It was a hot summers day in Alexandria, resulting in a group of teenagers making their way down to a nearby lake, intending on cooling off and having some fun.

Usually, Carl considered himself more… mature than his peers. There was a war actively brewing, and that’s not to mention walkers, so he didn’t see the value in such a meaningless activity.

Yet, you’d convinced him to come.

“Please, Carl. It’ll be fun!” You’d pleaded, “What else were you gonna do all day? Read comics?”

At the time, he’d protested, made some excuse that he was helping his father. But he wasn’t, and you were right.

So here he was, sitting on one of the large rocks lining the lake, flannel still cast over his shoulders.

The few other teens, yourself included, were enjoying the cool reprieve from the heat. Splashing around, throwing handfuls of sand at each other.

Carl was trying his hardest not to look at you.

Now, he’d never actually seen.. so much of a woman before. Sans those lewd comics, but this was different.

Your bikini was tiny, spaghetti straps wrapping over your shoulders, little triangle cups covering a portion of your breasts. Though the bottoms didn’t match, they were equally small, riding up your ass cheeks and showing a sliver of your inner thighs.

“Carl! Come in!” You’re suddenly calling out to him, which immediately draws his gaze. There’s no avoiding it as you tread closer, propping your elbows up onto the rock that he’s sitting on.

It only squeezes your breasts together, presented nicely in the frame of your arms. Sitting there, waiting.

He forces himself to maintain eye contact, not wanting you to pick up on his obvious disarray. The flush of his cheeks, or the way he squirms a little under the attention. “No, I’m alright.” He excuses.

But you won’t accept this, your grin widening as you hoist yourself onto the rock, coming to sit next to him. “C’mon, you’ve gotta chill out a bit, sometime. Taking a quick dip in the lake isn’t gonna hurt anyone.”

As you speak, your wet skin brushes against his flannel, the contact only worsening the flood of emotions that Carl is experiencing. It’s too much, too quickly, the presence of a pretty, dripping wet, girl is too much to handle.

The sun shines down through the trees, reflecting off your water-coated skin and hair, making it shine. Little droplets slip down your curves, and his eyes fall to one in particular, travelling down the open valley of your breasts.

“I’m going to check the perimeter.” Carl quickly says, swiftly standing up and turning away from you, not wanting to spare another glance at your body. It’s too tempting. That, and a shameful blush makes it’s way to his cheeks, his own body reacting to the contact in a way he’d rather you not realise.

He trudges past the treeline, out into the expanse of forest that circles the lake. It’s not too far off from Alexandria, in fact, he can just see the walls from this distance.

Carl wants to stay, he really does. Anything to put that smile on your face, where you’d say his name in that happy tone, completely enamoured by the smallest thing.

But he’s got a problem to deal with.

He leans against a tree, the thin flannel acting as a barrier between his back and the bark. There’s an obvious tent in his swimmers, poorly hidden due to the loose material.

“Fuck..” Carl curses under his breath, a little annoyed that he even has to do this. It doesn’t feel leisurely, but a chore, an irritating burden that needs to be solved before he can go have fun with everybody else.

So he takes another look around, making sure the area is clear before snaking his hand underneath the waistband, letting his fist wrap around his half-hard cock. A few strokes brings it to its full length, already hot and throbbing, where he can pull it free.

This isn’t the time to draw it out, so Carl clamps one hand over his mouth, the other working feverently to jerk himself off, as quickly as possible.

Yet, he can’t help but fall into a pleasurable rhythm, eye falling closed as he savours the feeling. His mind wanders, curious as to what you’d think of him now, doing something so lewd with no privacy.

It causes embarrassment to well in his gut, but it only fuels his desire, squeezing his hand a little tighter around his length, thumb collecting the precum from the tip only to spread it back down.

Each time his mind lingers too long on you, in that tiny bikini, he can practically feel it oozing out of him. Desperation floods his veins, now more focused on cumming, a reality that isn’t far away now that his brain is filled with images of you, on your knees before him.

What would your mouth feel like? Your hands? Would you take it slow, drag it out, or were you more of a quickie person?

Eventually Carl’s mind lands on you with your mouth open, plump lips wrapped around the tip of his cock. He similarly stimulates the swollen head, groaning into the back of his hand as he finally shoots his load onto the forest floor.

The pleasure begins to subside, ebb away, but the embarrassment stays. Though he takes a moment to compose himself, try and regain his footing, when Carl finally comes back to the lake, it’s quite obvious the boy is in some state.

There’s tree bark in his hair.

You smile, finally coaxing Carl into the water. He still doesn’t look at you, all embarrassed and flushed. This time, you make a point to lean as close as possible, to stroke your hand up his arm, let your thighs touch under the water.

How long will he last this time?

[kurogxrix]

Dating Miles ‘spider’ Socorro HEADCANONS

[ human!reader ]

Be ready for an emotional ass adventure because my boy is a PACKAGE full of trauma and issues.

He’s been neglected by his father and his mother (and father in a way) died, so when he first started getting close to you and found that feeling of comfort that he looked for within you, he knew that you were the one.

He’s the sweetest and most honest boy.

So considering that, he felt guilty at first because he thought that it was kinda like he was using you to get over his own trauma.

You told him that you didn’t care if he did and that you’d always be here for him (lovesick puppy kinda vibes).

Soon enough the both of you grew closer and closer, under the suspicion of the scientist that surrounded you. He couldn’t deny the fast paced beating of his heart each time you’d cross his mind anymore.

You call him Spider too because you know how much he dislikes his actual name </3.

Norm was extremely suspicious of the both of you, so he did his best to keep Spider away from your room whenever no one was around to keep an eye.

He’s just wary of those teenage boys and their spiking hormones ok.

He was right to be hesitant because he was the one that had caught the both of you making out in the janitors closet.

Don’t blame it on y’all there’s really no private spots in this damn lab, plus with Norm watching if it’s only you that enters your room every night.

Plus with those damned exopacks, you can’t really do any kissing stuff outside of the lab.

Max defo had to give y’all the most awkward talk of his entire life after that cause norm was DONE.

PHYSICAL TOUCH is his love language because he didn’t receive much physical love growing up.

If you don’t like it in public then he ain’t even laying a pinky on you, but once y’all are behind closed doors, he’s got you all cuddled up and locked tightly in his arms.

Talking about physical touch, this guy can’t keep his hands from wondering all over your body ever since he found out how amazing it felt when his hands trailed and grabbed.

He’s a TEENAGE boy and not a kid anymore, it’s normal for him to feel this way😭.

He doesn’t seem like the type to lash out when he’s upset so the both of you don’t fight that often, mostly on stupid little things.

Like once the both of you argued on who had to do the dishes so you offered to do a rock-paper-scissors match to make it fair. You won as always and he was left sulking for the rest of the night.

You help him retwist his hair when he needs it, and the boy quite literally melts in your hold. His locs are mature now so you don’t really gotta do it often anymore.

Lo’ak just relentlessly teases Spider for being lovesick so the both of you tease him for being hoeless.

He’ll definitely come with you every time you want to go wandering around the forest. Says something about having to protect you from the ruthless predators.

You picked up on his diet after the both of you started dating, and you have to admit that eating like the na’vi is so much better than the junk inside the lab kitchens.

He has a defined physique and running around the forest definitely isn’t what keeps in in such way. So you accompany him and peacefully read a book while he works his ass off in that lab gym.

Will ask you to sit criss-crossed on his back while he does pushups.

What a show off.

The type of boyfriend to brag whenever he opens a tightly sealed jar for you, while calling you weak, in an endearing way..?

If the both of you spend an entire day or two away from each other, he’ll hug you so tight when he sees you again that you’ll literally have to gasp for air once he lets you go.

You guys have monthly movie night dates where Spider waits until you’ve signaled him that Norm isn’t checking up on that damned room door.

He goes stealing snacks around the lab for those days and nearly gets caught by the other avatars.

Spider wishes he could bring you on dates outside at night like the other na’vi men do but he knows that it’s dangerous as a human so he can’t.

He doesn’t let that discourage him though, if a picnic on the lab outskirts at midnight is the closest that the both of you will get to a nightly date, then so be it.

You know that he’s a na’vi wannabe but you don’t make fun of him for it.

You help him paint the blue stripes on his body because he refuses that anyone else’s does it for him.

At the end of the day he’s just a boy with a lotta shit going on in his life but you guys love each other to no ends so you get through it together 🫶🏽

[ i refuse to age him up in this because it’s normal for teenagers to explore themselves and others and y’all gotta understand that. now writing smut while he’s his canonical age is what’s WEIRD😟 ]

[maxdibert]

parent headcanons?

About Severus. Well… Let’s see

• The first thing is that he never considered being a father because he basically saw himself as single his whole life and he hates kids. He’s not good with them and doesn’t know how to relate to them properly, so it’s not something that was ever in his plans.

• But if the situation arises and his partner wants to have children, he won’t stop it. He probably won’t express it openly, but internally he has a crisis of epic proportions because what the hell is he doing being a father if he HATES kids?

• And how the hell is he going to be a good father if he doesn’t know how to deal with children? If his own parents were a total disaster? If he himself is a total disaster?

• He’d probably tell himself a million times that it’s a huge mistake and that he would end up being the reason his children have huge traumas because clearly, there’s no way he could be a decent father. It would just never happen.

• Obviously, he’d never externalize this because Merlin forbid he express his worries and deal with his insecurities in a healthy and mature way. We’re talking about Severus Snape, who has literally zero emotional maturity.

• After the trauma of realizing he’s been part of creating a new human being, I imagine him having an overcompensation attack. Like, literally taking care of the baby 24/7 even when it’s not strictly necessary because overloading himself with work is his way of showing he wants to be a present father and not screw it up.

• But of course, he screws up like all parents do, and instead of handling it like any adult would, he explodes, retreats to a room, and has a terrible rage and self-loathing attack.

• After that, I imagine him as a father who doesn’t know how to express himself emotionally. He’s not the type of father who’s always joking or being affectionate with his children, nor is he the type of father to teach them how to ride a bike (or a broomstick in this case) because that’s not in his character and he hates those things.

• But he’s a present father who spends time trying to teach his children things or simply accompanying them. His way of showing affection is more about being there than giving compliments or making gestures.

• He’s the number one hater of having to interact with other parents or pretend to care about the nonsense the parents of his children’s friends talk about. His worst nightmare is those kinds of meetings, and if he can pretend to be on the verge of death to avoid them, he will.

• He’s not a controlling or extremely strict father, but he takes his children’s studies very seriously and tends to be demanding. After all, he was a teacher for many years, so he doesn’t tolerate excuses when it comes to academic matters and expects his children to be focused in that aspect.

• If his children turn out with a more or less placid character, then fine. But if they inherit his bad attitude or stubbornness, then the fights during their teenage years will echo across the UK. Front and side clashes that could derail an entire train.

• After a stormy argument, he’d probably feel extreme guilt for losing his composure but be unable to apologize because he’s too proud, and because he’s the father, and because he knows he was right.

• But eventually, after maybe a day of silence, he’d give in and go to the kid’s room, offering a peace offering because clearly, he won’t apologize verbally, but he’ll make sure to show in another way that he’s sorry and that he knows he overstepped.

• His worst nightmare, and something that causes him extreme anxiety, is that his children end up with partners who don’t have two brain cells to rub together because the mental and psychological effort of not making a shitty comment when they say something idiotic is a kind of torture he doesn’t want to endure.

• One of his ways of showing love for his children is doing things for them that they knows he absolutely hates, like going to a damn Quidditch match, the last place on Earth he’d want to be, but if any of the kids ask him, he’ll do it without complaining.

• Another example would be taking them to their friends’ birthday parties because Merlin knows Severus would rather spend an entire afternoon being hit with Cruciatus than endure a herd of screaming kids and their stupid parents talking about the latest broomstick models or the newly opened robes shop in Diagon Alley.

• If he has a daughter, she will be his little princess, and everything she does will be perfect to him because Severus Snape is totally that kind of guy.

• He’s also the kind of man who will never see any partner his daughter brings home as good enough and will have to settle for the least unbearable one.

• If he has a son, he’ll pray he doesn’t turn out to be a sports-obsessed idiot like most boys who never cared about things Severus is interested in, and he’ll hope that at least they have similar or compatible interests.

• They’ll probably argue a lot because there’s nothing more karmic for him than having to raise a “mini-me.”

• Constant anxiety over their safety, 24/7 worrying, but he’ll never tell anyone and if anyone tries to get him to admit it, he’ll just bury it deep inside.

[littlest-salomon]

HOUSAMO SHIPPING MANIFEST

Here, every character is sorted into one of 9 age-related categories to expediate appropriate shipping. No need to keep mental notes on everyone's age! You can see all potential matches at once, making it easier to unlock all the Date Quests guilt-free.

The categories:

WILD CARD

The Protagonist is officially 17 years old and legally considered a minor, placing them as an older teen; however, each individual player's own age must be taken into account, as well as their interpretation of the game's canon. A 12-year-old player can and should focus on characters their own age, and a 50-year-old may not want to roleplay as a high schooler. You decide who to ship with the Protagonist.

OLDER OR AGELESS ADULT: 65+

These people have been around for a long time--or forever! While they don't all act their age, they're clearly quite old and identify as such. I, personally, prefer to ship them with each other or mature adults, because I think they'd get along better with people who have similar intellects and experience levels.

MATURE ADULT: 40-64

Past the anxieties of youth, these characters are secure in their social roles and knowledge of themselves. Many are in positions of authority or caregivers to other characters, adding to their mature appeal.

YOUNG ADULT: 20-39

While they're no longer minors, young adults are still plagued with the insecurities of youth, separating them from mature adults. If I don't actually know a young-looking character's age, the decision between adult and teen is based on factors like career, emotional maturity, and whether they actually learn anything at school, if they even bother to attend.

OLDER TEEN: 16-19

Older teens are free from both the restrictions of childhood and the demands of adult life, making this a very popular demographic for escapist media. Characters at this tier are explicitly defined in-game as minors or (high school) students, if they're not given specific ages.

YOUNGER TEEN: 13-15

Young teens are barely older than children and they certainly act like it. These kids have a stated age, mature voice actor, and/or blatantly adolescent hormonal surges, separating them from younger characters.

ACTUAL CHILD: 12 and under

Housamo is rated 12+, so there are a few children here. Regardless of their chronological age or memories, all of these little guys have the psychological maturity of normal children and depend on older characters as protectors and caregivers.

ADULT CHILD: 18+

Whether they've just reincarnated, aren't allowed to age, or embody divine youthfulness, these baby-faced brats are not actually children. They don't act like real kids, they don't get along with real kids, and some of them even refer to themselves and each other as adults. This unusual tier is distinct from both children and adults, and they can only be shipped with each other.

UNKNOWN

I don't know all the characters, especially not the most recent. You'd think it would be obvious from looking at them, but Reprobus is a teenager and Itzamna is an old man despite both of them looking like normal adults, so I don't want to make assumptions. Plus, if I don't know their age, I certainly don't know their romantic interests, so I don't feel comfortable shipping them regardless.

I'm not 100% sure of everyone's ages, so feel free to correct me if you see someone out of place.

[lightningant]

I've never seen characterizations of Tom and Harry the way yours is. I love how neurotic and messed up they both are -- they're *SO CUTE* too. <3 <3 <3

Tom is just so exhausted and cynical and Harry is a manic catastrophe with sooo many crossed wires and they're HILARIOUS. XD

And just so well written, I cannot tell you how distracted I was for at least a week after I read what you had for your fic -- I truly, truly admire your narration and dialogue and characterizations (I already said that but PLEASE I LOVE THEM SO **BAD** >O< ) Soooo funny and well made.

They're realistic! Tom and Harry are so messy and also normal people at the end of the day who make mistakes and aren't super cool all the time (really, they're utter dorks, and you TOTALLY show thatt) but also they're competent and scary and stubborn and you just have suchh a nice blend of their facets and I JUST....aghhh, I love itt.

Also I ADORE your designs -- I love how Tom is so sickly and neat (you said it best "Victorian child with tuberculosis" LMAO), and Harry is so IDK, he's just a Guy but in the most wonderful way -- I'm not actually good with words :,))))

I just love your art style in general, it's like, realistic yknow. You don't get rid of normal people "imperfections", they're a part of the design or enhance them -- I don't think the word imperfections is right, I just mean like, you don't exclude non-conventionally attractive aspects of bodies or facial expressions??? Idk, I'm trying here, I really am. Just, just, just I like it a lot and I wanna be like that toooooo >.<

IIIIIIII dunno if I have accurately gotten anything across or even given an actual good compliment in this entire thing but anyways you're very cool and awesome and also PLEASE forget that I said they were Babygirl I've never used that word before in my LIFEE and don't know if that was right at all -- if it was nevermind I meant it all and am so cool -- ANYWAYS bye :,)

I don't think I've succeeded in lessening my embarrassment but uhhhhh, I hope I've at least articulated myself better :,)))

Askbomb swag. Thank you, this message was so sweet :) I shall try to match energies.

One of the things I love most is that the kind of person who puts up pretensions is, innately, trying to hide something about themselves they find sub-par. Tom isn't just a scary and incredibly powerful domineering sigma male who is a master manipulator, he is a person who is actively attempting to turn himself into that man, and in my fic he is still a teenager and still tripping his way through that mental image he has of himself. The two worst ages to ever be are 15 and 20; fifteen, when you are ready to shed childhood but don't know what maturity looks like just yet, and 20, when you are ready to become your own person and achieve adulthood, picking your way across existence-defining beliefs. And his only friend for the past like, 7 months? has been his 16-year-old self who has the single-minded objective of looking cool and mature to his adult self. A hell of his own making.

Harry is also 20. He is one of those 'unusually mature for his age' kids and he has an inflated sense of his own righteousness and capability, despite being the actual one with the emotional range of a teaspoon (he just knows to keep it himself). There is no way Harry would detect he is having a manic fit, especially if he is having one that is triggered by his arrested feelings on Sirius. It's incredibly fun writing him perform this extremely risky and reality-altering plan and his plan was "idk, kill him?" and picking shit up off the ground whenever he sees it, the DADA position included. our hero.

Beautiful tragic terminally ill gothic prince / fit jock is really a match made in heaven aesthetically. Cannot get enough of it

Thank you for art compliment too ^_^ I used to lean more to anime fandoms so Harry Potter really let me stretch my legs on more 'normal people' facial features like big noses and soft chins and I'm glad it's clear how much fun I'm having doing that. Yay! Though one of the compliments I've always gotten that I've always been proud of is how distinct the way I draw expressions is.

No no...you're right. Tom is absolutely a babygirl. And Harry...well he was certainly Ginny's babygirl, and I'm sure a part of him is really itching to have someone put their hand on the small of his back 😔

[frytt-i]

Paramita's concept design (for my AU)

Paramita was born after Yuebei Xing and the twins. He has long been the family's precious baby.

He's calm and curious. He loves to learn and is also very protective of his family, so despite his desire to travel, he hesitated for a long time before going. He was afraid something would happen while he was away and he wouldn't be able to be there to help his family. It was the twins who helped him make the jump.

He's not very expressive physically (his face doesn't show much emotion) and is easily embarrassed but he doesn't hesitate to express his feelings with his words.

(In the drawing above, they're getting ready to go to a festival and Paramita has held out his arm for Sun Wukong to take. He's embarrassed so he avoids his father's gaze under the teasing of his big sister. Yuebei Xing changed her eyes to match her brother and father.)

When they go on family trips to a human place, Paramita puts on his glamour where he only changes his eyes because humans are afraid of the black in his eyes.

Paramita is rather tall (175cm), having outgrown the twins to their great displeasure but he would never be taller than his sister who is already very tall with her glamour (190cm) in which she reduces her height (290cm).

Paramita greatly admires his sister and when he was little he imitated her a lot which is how he started tying his hair back. When he went away travelling, he cut his hair and gave small heart attacks to the local gods because he looked like his father

Redson and Paramita are childhood friends, having been children at the same time. As Redson is mixed race, he evolves differently from the others (as in Dungeon Meshi), so Sun Wukong was afraid that Paramita would grow up out of sync with Redson. Fortunately, this didn't happen and they spent their teenage years together. (They were also both disciples of Guanyin).

Paramita was the more mature of the two for a time, so he considers Redson his little brother. Redson also thinks of Paramita as his little brother lmao.

The rumor that Paramita is the son of PIF and SWK comes from the way he used to spend a lot of time with Redson at PIF's house, and that they acted like brothers.

The reasoning went like this : Act like brothers + same hair color (red) = blood brothers !

Paramita himself and Redson had their doubts when they heard the rumors, so Paramita asked his father if it was true. Sun Wukong had a small heart attack, then laughed and ended up telling him how he was born.

[antianakin]

hiii, it's me again, someone who keeps popping in to say things nobody asked for lol. i was wondering if people who've been in the fandom longer (like you) agree with my impression that the novelizations are reallyyy important context for fanon interpretations? i didn't realize this until a discussion i had today iwth someone who helpfully summarized some of the popular prequel novels, which seem to match up really well with headcanons & fanon personalities. apparently stover emphasized obi-wan's devotion to anakin and how he's a ride or die for him. and apparently another popular novel wrote an adult obi-wan "as if a teenager in emotional maturity" which also would, you know- explain a lot.

the novels i've actually read are the jedi apprentice series, which i don't have much issues with, even though they certainly spin the trauma wheel lol. maybe it's been qui-gon and obi-wan both feel as if they are trying their best and their misunderstandings due to mutual action, rather than pure passivity? or maybe that even though the books have very dramatic conflicts that certainly put obi-wan in woobifiable situations, they more often than not help draw out distinct characteristics and strengths of his through those situations?

Just for clarity, I have NOT been in this fandom all that long by my own standards. I obviously did watch Star Wars as a kid and read some Star Wars fanfics when I was really young, but in terms of "participating in fandom" as such, that's really only been happening since like... 2021 maybe? It was basically a COVID byproduct, I had the time to consume some Star Wars stuff I'd never managed to get around to before and things devolved from there. And I honestly have read hardly any of the novels or comics myself, including the official film novelizations. Like you, the only books I've actually read are the Jedi Apprentice middle grade books, and that's really it.

So while I can speak to some of the experiences I've had in this fandom since I got into it a few years ago, I cannot speak to what fandom has been like since those novelizations were released almost 20 years ago now.

Matthew Stover's ROTS novelization seems to be pretty popular and considered one of the better novelizations. I've had people tell me that there's SOME evidence Lucas had something to do with the book and so it's often considered a fairly high level of canon as a result.

But the passage you're referencing where Stover emphasizes how Obi-Wan is "ride or die" for Anakin is genuinely one of the reasons I've never bothered to read it, no matter how pretty people say his prose is. If you want to actually see it yourself, I'll copy it below.

The line in question comes from an extended version of the scene in ROTS where Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu are discussing Anakin's reaction to being asked to spy on Palpatine as Yoda heads off to Kashyyyk.

“I think," Obi-Wan said carefully, "that abstractions like peace don't mean much to him. He's loyal to people, not to principles. And he expects loyalty in return. He will stop at nothing to save me, for example, because he thinks I would do the same for him." Mace and Yoda gazed at him steadily, and Obi-Wan had to lower his head. "Because," he admitted reluctantly, "he knows I would do the same for him.”

Interpret the scene how you will, I guess. The Anakin characterization meshes with how I tend to understand the character, but the Obi-Wan characterization could not be farther away from how I see him in canon.

I don't know anything about whatever novel wrote Obi-Wan as though he had the emotional maturity of a teenager. That doesn't ring any bells for me. It wouldn't surprise me at all if there are authors who've written Star Wars books that just simply don't like Obi-Wan all that much and so if he shows up in their work, he could come across as having the emotional maturity of a teenager because that's how that author chose to write him. It would seem odd for it to show up in an official film novelization, I would expect it more in some of the Legends content, but I suppose it's not impossible.

Legends content in general DOES have an impact on fanon and fan interpretations of Star Wars because, for a long while, it was the only way to GET more Star Wars content beyond the films themselves. For a lot of people, they were canon because there was nothing to refute them. And even once there was, people sometimes were still so attached to those stories that they preferred them to the story told in the films.

So, yeah, it can have a major impact on people's understanding of things. Often if you get into discussions about, say, the Jedi or the Force, people will bring up Legends content to prove their arguments. You shouldn't feel like this means you personally have to consume any Legends content you don't want to consume. I tend to avoid it most of the time. It is perfectly for you to just stick with the films or the shows or whatever books you find most interesting. And even within that, what you consider canon doesn't have to include literally everything you've chosen to consume. I've read the Jedi Apprentice books and enjoyed them, but it ISN'T real canon and I don't necessarily take any of it into account in my own interpretations of the characters. Legends content and Disney EU content is, in many ways, just officially licensed fanfiction. If you don't consider every fanfic you read to be canon, you do not have to consider every Legends book or comic you choose to read to be canon, either. Sometimes it's fun to just see other people's takes on Star Wars even if there's no way to fit into the canon story of Star Wars (as a side note, this is why I love Star Wars: Visions so much as a show).

I don't know if this really answered your question. As someone who doesn't consume a lot of Legends content and hasn't read a single one of the official film novelizations, I may not be the right person to ask about this.

[suzukiblu]

Ko-fi thank-you sentences for @chaosandcats; den mom Black Zero. 

They landed in this Superboy's home reality in the middle of his Fortress Cadmus–his Project Cadmus–and a whole mess of superheroes, which had made Black Zero vaguely dubious about his prospects of escape but honestly wouldn't have stopped him if he hadn't decided getting the lay of the land straight from the source was a better idea than doing it the long way around. Superboy is incredibly aggravating, as was every single superhero who’d immediately swarmed the kid in excitement at the sight of him. 

It’d taken Black Zero a moment to realize that none of the people waiting for Superboy had been clones. Or at least, very, very few of them were. Guardian, and Dubbilex, but . . . 

It’d just taken him a moment. That was all. 

Well. A teenager is less threatening than an adult, and Superman came back to life in this reality. So it’s obvious enough why this reality would be less leery of Superboy than his reality was of him. 

Stupid of them, though, since Black Zero knows for a fact that even at this developmental level, their TTK is capable of splitting atoms. 

Superboy doesn’t, presumably, because he has yet to meet a “Superboy” who did.

Well. The dead one did, that little bastard, but he’s obviously not relevant anymore. 

It’s just–frustrating, Black Zero thinks absently, and eyes his most annoying alternate self. None of them ever understand. Ever. None of them have ever been turned against by the whole damn world either, though, so . . . 

Maybe this “Match” is less stupid than Superboy, though that’s probably a bit much to hope for, given the usual way their genetic template always seems to play out at this stage of physiological development.

“I really don’t see how being named by a ‘co-worker’ is less depressing to you than me choosing my own,” Black Zero says dubiously, and Superboy scowls up at him indignantly, because he’s a tiny little half-grown brat with the emotional maturity of a wet grapefruit. Black Zero is incredibly grateful to have skipped their awkward phase, given how many realities’ worth of proof he has of just how awkward it would’ve been, which, Christ alive, had that been a ridiculous thing to learn about Hypertime: every single alternate version of himself was a bratty little horndog made of teenage self-righteousness who couldn’t be reasoned with, down to the last. And, as more than one version of Westfield had said to him, would never just stay the fuck down, no matter how bad they’d already been beaten. 

It’d been incredibly embarrassing, actually. 

“Shut up, asshole, you still picked a Kryptonian name anyway,” Superboy shoots back. Black Zero pinches the bridge of his nose. “At least I’ve met my Superman.” 

“That’s a con, not a pro,” Black Zero says dryly.

[jennysaykwa]

hello! val again, who’s writing for yuchan @mymontage and seowon @virtuepoint presenting to you 3/3: kang saebi, nymth’s blue & maknae, who just has this jennysaykwa about her… like this post to plot, and i’ll send you a message! ims and discord are both ok! btw this acc is a sideblog along w seowon’s!!

her parents are well off, and saebi’s been enrolled into ballet lessons since she’s learned how to walk. not royal school of ballet level tho, just. ballerina!

and as far as ur concerned, saebi is literally just a normal girl! she has a close group of friends, she does okay in her classes, she’s happy and bright and normal. was really interested in the humanities, but also wants to make money. her ballet classes was just something she had to go to every wednesday, and it’s just a hobby!

it’s in eleventh grade when her group of friends are lockin in on their future, and saebi doesn’t know what to do. she wishes that she could just live in these teenage years forever, but that’s not possible. saebi falls back into dancing.

contemporary dance classes are added to her usual ballet classes. she’s good at dancing, and she’s gonna do something about it. saebi auditions to ninety9 creative and kevin yoon thinks that her vocal colors are interesting enough, and her voice cracks isn’t something that can’t be fixed with a couple years of training.

everything is fixed and soon enough she’s debuting! it’s going great and then it’s not, and she didn’t know that nymth was going to be in the trenches for a long while.

i think bc of that she’s rly childish now and fits the maknae thing rly well. saebi grew up in the industry, basically, so she didn’t get to Live her Life. she’s sensitive and teasing and wants to be perceived as a good time. idk if yall have seen bottoms but she reminds me a lot of pj. female greg heffleys. self righteous and defensive and quick w her emotions.

wcs

yapperssss… she’s rly chatty and easygoing, so when u match her freak regarding that, it’s like playing ping pong. just going back and forth and back and forth and people are like what?

on the contrary, ppl who find her annoying!! maybe they’re rly mature and their personalities are so opposing so whenever u talk to her, ur like… wtf is this girl fucking on

ninety9 creative friends/family/cousin twice removed. i’d really like mentor figures n sibling figures bc she’s an only child. ppl who danced w her in the ninety9 studio until now on the ninety9 floor of the midas building. helped her out with choreographing and gives her honest feedback, even if she’s gonna be sulky about it for 5 secs.

always has sweets on her, so when she sees u look a little pale, she hands u a lollipop.

misunderstandings/miscommunication plots i think would work rly well for her bc she’s so quick to her emotions and acts so brashly out of it. let’s brainstorm n discuss tgt…

if there are any other ballet dancers in this joint, hmu. i rly feel like she’s gonna lose these roots bc she’s doing idol dancing now, so she needs friends to help her hone these skills! it can go both ways, too!

[co-mixed]

Fantastic Drama. 

I know I say it every time, but Dan Slott’s Fantastic Four is my favorite run by far. Apparently, it’s not the most popular one, and yeah, I get why. It crosses paths with several events (Empyre, King in Black, and so on) and that tends to mess with the natural flow of the story. But I’m continuously impressed by the way this book keeps building personal stories within those events. It never forgets what it truly is about. And then, every single relationship is tested. 

Every character gets a story, and no one is sidelined. That’s probably a first for the Fantastic Four, too, because someone always gets left out. 

Wedding bells 

It’s funny but the Fantastic Four starts bringing the actual family feel only when Ben and Alicia get married. We have all been following that relationship (I can’t bring myself to call it rocky), for in-universe decades and it’s always been a ridiculous roller-coaster where everyone knew the endgame, and everything still kept falling apart. After Johnny married Alicia (who turned out to be a Skrull, and yeah, it’s still weird) and Ben almost married whatsherface (I’m not joking, we never saw her again) it was starting to look unlikely that Ben and Alicia could ever tie the knot. But she remained a family friend and a trusted babysitter. 

So we gotta give Dan Slott all the props for making this happen because the perfect family (more or less) in the Fantastic Four has never been Sue and Reed and their kids. It’s Ben, Alicia, Jo, and Nicki. It takes them one run to show up their friends, with Alicia teaching her kids (and the Richards’ evil offspring) art, with Ben denying decosmicrayifying because he was teaching his kid that it’s good to be different. And because they actually get each other. There are slip-ups, of course, because Alicia plays around with that radioactive clay (which is hello, radioactive!) and even attempts to manipulate her son, but she doesn’t do it. And of course, it doesn’t help that Jo kills Profiteer's henchman but these are all solvable issues. 

And you know, this family didn’t have a storybook start. On the contrary, and we’re reminded of that in the wedding special. Ben was still recovering from becoming The Thing when they met, and he was that tantrum-throwing, childlike man. But Sue meddled, and she didn’t let him give up on that or take the choice away from Alicia. Which he’d done later anyway, but the good news is it all worked out in the end. 

Their wedding is all kinds of emotional and take it from someone who isn’t a Ben Grimm fan, it was a very happy moment in Marvel history. And it’s incredibly touching. 

Alicia’s a great parent right off the bat, even though she’s new to it. But what I love is that she gets a way more prominent role as a part of the family. 

The bell tolls 

It’s been a while since writers could find something meaningful and emotionally impactful for Johnny to go through. 60 years and all he ever managed to become was unreliable. There was a brief moment when it felt like he could change (after he returned from the Negative Zone) but that didn’t stick. He’s like an eternal teenager who fails to find his place in the world and that’s because he isn’t even trying to do that. He talks about growing up at every big family event, but he never actually makes any steps toward maturity. 

But then he meets his soulmate. And It feels a little rushed with a quick retcon. But it turns out to be a pretty great story. Johnny and Sky have this across-the-universe romance that should be a fairy tale by all means. 

But what do you do when you’re meant to be with someone you barely know? Johnny and Sky get to know each other, and it’s a much bigger deal for her than for him, too. It’s part of her belief system, her whole society on Spyre is matched up like that, with special bracelets that allow them to be completely in sync with their other half. Let me tell you this, no way Johnny is ready for that level of intimacy. He finds it uncomfortable and it doesn’t help that Sue is on his case (we’ll get to Sue, I got questions for her). But he treats it like another adventure. That’s all this relationship is to him. 

Of course, things get much, much worse when first, Lyja shows up and still wants Johnny (girl, go), and then he sleeps with Doom’s champion Victorious right before Doom proposes to her. 

Now, I gotta clarify things, of course: 

Lyja is taken care of by Alicia (who naturally despises the Skrull) and a blob of radioactive clay. 

Victorious has her own reasons and issues. But she’s an adult living woman who is not related to the Storms, so Johnny is into her by definition. 

Doom’s marriage is a political stunt. 

Sue doesn’t like Sky or Johnny and Sky together. 

All of that happens in a span of several days, and it’s more than enough BS for Sky to deal with. She’s having a hard time dealing with Johnny’s exes (the number of them, to be specific). That’s something her culture doesn’t really deal with. For her, each one of his former partners was at some point his soulmate. That means she already has trust issues.

But Johnny didn’t have to go and prove her right. 

He gets what’s been coming to him from Doom, he gets his powers amplified and can’t flame off. But because of those soulmate bands, that affects Sky as well and she turns into a very cool-looking (although, not from her perspective) bird lady. 

We know that Johnny’s immature but honestly, this level of conscious cruelty is too much even for him. And I say ‘conscious’ because he very well knew what he was doing. He isn’t 16 and he’s been through many relationships. He’d been deceived before, and he should’ve known better than to do that to someone else. I’m not sure if this is the worst thing he’s ever done but it’s certainly up there. Reed is trash but even he doesn’t do that. 

But the Stom-Richards part of the Fantastic Family… it’s like they’re all liars. 

Lies, Lies, Lies. 

Now there’re Reed and Sue. Instead of improving Reed, we now have a Sue who’s sneaking around on secret S.H.I.E.L.D. missions, turns invisible to spy on Johnny and Franklin, and meddles in Ben’s private life. 

What’s up with that, Sue? She’s obviously been hanging out with Reed way too much cause his nonsense totally rubbed off on her. 

She was right about Johnny, sure, but it’s still none of her business. He’s a grown-ass man. A stupid one, but an adult nonetheless. He has the right to make dumb decisions (and boy, does he abuse that right to death).

Still, with all that, I feel like we’re just getting to know Sue. We barely saw the sides of her that weren’t family-related. She’d been an ambassador to the Underwater kingdoms, and she ran the FF businesses (which, turns out, she’s still doing), she runs charities, too. But we rarely see any of that. We mostly encounter her in a battle, taking care of her kids, or dealing with whatever Reed’s putting her through. Oh, and she tried to be an actress, but who hasn’t? 

I came to the conclusion that that’s who she is. That’s all she is; she takes care of people and that is her whole personality. I tried to dig deeper but there might not be any deeper with her. She is who she is. 

More lies

I’m not even joking anymore when I say that every FF story starts with Reed lying. This man has done a lot of damage over the years, and at this point, no one should ever be surprised at his cruelty. This time, he fakes the deaths of himself, Sue, their children, and the whole Future Foundation. Forget what this did to both Ben and Johnny, but some of those FF kids actually do have sane families. But Reed doesn’t care, does he? 

It truly doesn’t seem like he feels any remorse. At all. Ever. And since the run is long, Reed gets so many more chances to lie, manipulate people around him, and pretend he had their best interests at heart all along. 

Why is he doing that? Who is he trying to protect? I don’t even know anymore, because all he brings people around him is hurt. And loads of it. 

Throughout this run, he:  

Endangers the people of Yancy Street by moving in and bringing his insane doomsday toys.

Ignores his best man responsibilities for something he could’ve delegated. 

Launches a rocket out of a residential area. 

Causes yet another destruction of the Baxter Building, almost getting the Fantastix (fresh new team) killed in the process. 

Causes a revolution on Spyre. 

“Forgets” to bring back the FF kids. 

With his stellar reputation, he almost hands Bentley back into Wizard’s custody. 

Promises to fix Johnny and finds a dozen reasons to not do it. 

Reed needs a serious empathy course. It’s not just Franklin who needs to be in therapy, it’s Reed. And, for the life of me, I can’t understand how people keep forgiving him. 

He’s the Xander of the Fantastic Four. 

Now I do have a theory of why he’s like that. And that’s sort of a trope that you recognize in Stark, occasionally Beast, and other mad scientists of Marvel. They are always dancing on the brink of villainy and, in Reed’s case, it’s his family that keeps him from completely destroying the world. It’s just a theory, though, because he might do that anyway. But if his family doesn’t harass him into fixing that, he might not even bother. 

How are the kids? 

The Richards kids are now teens. Because of course, time runs differently, timey-wimey, and boom, they aged up. Speaking of which, compared to so many cb kids, Franklin and Val are not only growing up, but it feels relatively natural when you binge-read through the 60 years of the FF history. That sliding timescale works, y’all. 

Franklin is a teen rebel: he dyes his hair black, freaks out because he’s not a mutant or powerful anymore, ends up in therapy. Which, actually, is a good thing. At least some of the family members might turn out fine. 

Val has an unfortunate crush on a pointy-eared monarch (ew, no, not the same one! Namor’s not Reed), outsmarts Reed at every turn, and forges a pretty good relationship with her cousins. 

Jo and Nicki are a whole other story. It’s very satisfying to see them both get over their trauma and experience love. When they call Ben and Alicia mom and dad, it’s impossible not to well up. It’s that love and wholesomeness that helps them and it’s beautiful. 

The kids, all four of them (Oh, I see where this is going!), really add to this run. They are growing up to be heroes like their parents (except you, Reed). And it feels like they could be better, stronger, more caring. The only problem is, I still want Val to be the villain eventually. I mean, wouldn’t that be just awesome? Unfortunately, it’s Bentley who’s on a slippery road. But we’ll see. We’ll see. 

Dan Slott brought the family aspect to the front. And many have said that it’s what the books are about, but it’s never been like this. This one has the true feel of a home, a messy but a loving one (well, except you, Reed).