#I’ve been cleaning my whole house for my cousins from Washington to come

[13personalities]

sometimes I do want random people to ask me super random questions. maybe it’s the way I socialize. and you can’t judge because you probably do too 🫵

[nowornever13587]

MCYT Oxenfree Chapter 1

Edward’s Island.

Fundy POV

“It used to be a military base. Then it became a ranching thing, then it was turned into an army thing, then it became a bird thing and a museum or whatever. Henry Fonda stationed here, I think, for a bit. Unless he was Navy.” 

I listened to Tommy rattle on as I leaned on the rail of the ship. The salty smell of the ocean filled the overcast sky. But thankfully, it was only slightly cold. Just enough for a light jacket..

“Who’s Henry Fonda?” Eret asked, unaware that you should never ask Tommy questions when he’s explaining things. He had a tendency to not hear them.

“And around Christmas time, this little breakfast place used to sell these amazing polar bear sugar cookies…” Like normal, Tommy went on. I laughed to myself, peering back over the edge of the ferry for wildlife in the water.

“Hey,” Tommy poked me. “Are you still with us? You haven’t said anything for like… 10 minutes.”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah. My mind just drifted for a second.” I turned back, checking my watch. It was 8. Right on time.

“So, you all moved in?” Tommy continued to talk to Eret. 

“Um, not really. I just got in this morning.” Eret chuckled.

“And how did Fundy’s mom meet your dad again?” Tommy was eager for gossip. 

“They met on vacation in London. He got lost in a garden and thought she worked there.” Eret took it in good humor as we walked back in the boat. 

I took the liberty of exploring the small craft. It wasn’t that old but still had that air to it. Slightly chipped paint and worn seats. How they got worn, I never understood. Only bird watchers and history nuts ever headed to Edward’s island anymore. Particularly not in the winter.

“Hey, there’s an old ship's wheel up here.” I called down to the others from the second story as I bent to read the placard. “It’s a replica from a… Portuguese caravel, it says.”

“Yeah! I think the Portuguese discovered the island? I dunno. I mostly slept through the maritime portion of history class.” Tommy shrugged.

“Says the kid who’s been ranting about the island for the past 18 minutes.” Eret teased. Tommy shot him a teasing glare as I came back down.

“So you guys just met tonight?” Tommy continued.

“Yeah, I was… I’d been out at school and the timing had just never worked out.” Eret shrugged.

“And what does that make you to the Furry? Second cousin or something?”

“Step bro and I am not a furry!” I groaned

“Yeah, yeah! At least you seem cool!” Tommy laughed. “Cool guy, cool eyes. You get a cool new sibling living right in your house! Wearing your clothes… eating your food ... Sharing your toothbrush.”

“Ew!” We both grimaced. The conversation dipped awkwardly.

“So… how do you two know each other?” Eret prompted us.

“Oh, from way back when, like paleozoic. Grade school era.”

“I moved from the Netherlands in the first grade and Tommy was the one I got partnered with on the first day.” 

“Passengers,” Suddenly the robotical intercom kicked on, nearly scaring me out of my skin. “We’ll be arriving soon. Check under your seat-” 

“Check under your seat to make sure you don’t leave behind any grandchildren.” Tommy commented over the recording sarcastically. 

“And if you picked up a complimentary disposable radio, remember to tune to 102.3 at the various plaques…” It droned on.

“Ooh! We should get a picture!” Tommy suddenly stood, dragging Eret and I back to the bow of the ferry. 

“Fine. Just… hold the camera out. Like… far. I don’t look my freshest right now.” I told Tommy as he pulled out his phone. I ran a hand over my ears, trying to smooth down my fur that had puffed up due to the humidity.

“It’s true, Eret. This is like B Minus Fundy.” Tommy grinned.

“Take the picture you child!” I nudged him. 

“I am not a child!” Tommy retorted while holding out the camera. We all smiled as the audible click came from the phone.

“There! Great. I’ll magic erase all the warts out and stuff, so don’t worry.” Tommy checked over the photo.

Eret made a face at the mention of warts and rolled his eyes. 

“Hey, Furry. Did you remember to bring that radio? The little portable one?” Tommy piped back up.

“Yeah.” I sighed, ignoring the comment as I took the object out my pocket.

“Our high school has a radio station and Finn- he’s a friend of ours- he’s filling in because TapL went on vacation with his family or something.” Tommy explained as I began twisting the knob to find the station. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s gonna say something like… basically right now about our thing so…”

We all intently listened to the radio as I found the right station, 88.3.

“... Which I played because Karl wouldn’t stop singing it during math class!” Finn seemed to be talking about the song that was just on. “But… oh! Look at the time! Just after ten o’clock. Which means my dear friend Tommy and his bros are probably just touching down on Edwards island for the yearly bash on the beach…. Or whatever we call it now.”

“But anyways, I promised him that I’d play a song from his channel, so hope you're tuned in, Tommy! Here’s Able Sisters- Sable and Mable from Animal Crossing. He’s been tormenting me to play it for ages so here. Please stop.” 

The familiar song came on. I groaned quickly, shutting it off.

“Haha!” Tommy crowed. “I finally got him to do it!” 

His victory rant was cut off as the ferry’s horn blasted above us. 

“There’s no radio reception on the island.” Tommy continued. “I’m glad I got to hear it before it went totally kaput.”

“If we can’t use it, why’d you bring it? Not just for the boat?” Eret inquired.

“Um, no. You’ll see. Don’t expect too much but… nah. It’ll be fun. I won’t undercook it.” Tommy waved his hands mysteriously. “You’ll see.”

We all shut up as the boat began nearing the dock. The old man running the ship helped us get off, before pulling away again. 

“Oh boy! Smell that clean air, lads! This ain’t city livin’!” Tommy gestured to the now dark heavens. “My other friends should be up around the bend.”

“Actually,” Eret said nervously, waiting at the top of the dock stairs. “I mean, I don’t mean to be the guy to break us up already, but Tommy, could you do me a favor? Can I have two quick minutes with Fundy?”

“Uh… you sure?” Tommy hesitated. I glanced back up at Eret. The older boy seemed sincere.

“Something wrong?” I wondered.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just need a minute.” Eret glanced at the street light above.

“Alright, but- Look, I don’t wanna go up by myself. I mean, can’t we just stick together? You’re gonna have all night to say, like… whatever.” Tommy pleaded, using his puppy dog eyes. 

“But you were going to meet your friends, right?”

“Yeah but there further-”

“Tommy, it’s alright. Just wait for us at the end of the town, okay?  We’ll catch up with you there.” I reasoned. 

“Alright.” Tommy sighed, walking off. “Though this is a really strange way to start off, splitting up.”

“Thanks man!” Eret called after him, before turning to me. “He seems nice. Funny.”

“Yeah, he’s… what did you want to talk about? Before I suspect something nefarious.” I teased, coming back to the top of the stairs. 

“Listen, I just wanted to grab you ahead of time and say you’ve been…. Cool… about everything. And I guess it’s just - for me, I’ve never moved anywhere, ya know? And, like, getting a new family at the same time kinda feels like I’m skipping the training wheels.”

“Not that it’s bad! You and your mum have been great!”

“Eh, we’ll make do.” I nudged Eret playfully. “Lemons, lemonade, however that goes.”

“You idiot.” Eret and I laughed. 

“Oh, thanks for setting up the attic for me, by the way. It’s cool, how it’s a little bedroom.” 

“No problem…” I looked at the dark water. I really didn’t want to touch that subject. “It’s nice, at night, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Not chilly.” Eret nodded. “We can- we can catch back up with Tommy now. I didn’t mean to take so long.”

We walked down the stairs into the parking lot. Commenting on the lonely car, I noticed a blocked off road. I decided to ignore it in favor of heading up the long staircase to the little shops that made the town of the island. 

“Oh, what’s that?” Eret pointed at the statue as we reached the top. A bird on a pedestal with a whale below it. 

“I forgot this was even here.” I chuckled. “It’s a monument to some submarine that was sunk off the coast.”

“Oh, wait. Can’t you do that radio guide thing like the boat said?” Eret looked excited. “I wanna see how it works.

“Sure.” I pulled the thing out of my pocket.

“It was…. 101 or 102, I think.”

I found the station. The voice of some tour guide came on. 

“Named after the Hawiian god of the sea, the USS Kanaloa was launched on January 15, 1941 and commissioned into service at the end of that year under the command of Lt. C. Dream...”

“Never heard of this before. Kinda creepy in a way, right?” Eret murmured. 

“On October 28, 1943, it was sunk by the Japanese sub chaser Tokisada some 25 miles off the coast of Washington…”

“Yeah, I hate thinking about it. It reminds me of those scenes in movies where sailors have to seal somebody up to drown or else the flooding will take the whole ship, you know?” I shivered at the idea.

“... and remains, to this day, the only submarine casualty in American waters. Eighty-five officers, as well as twelve Army passengers, were lost.”

“Yeah, no. I always thought submarine duty was, like, the worst possible war assignment. There’s no way out if something goes wrong.”

I turned off the radio as the recording began again. We continued through the town. All the stores were closed. Probably because it was starting to become winter and we took the last ferry here. 

“Hello kids. The other guys and gals must be further up, so be quick now.” Tommy’s voice suddenly called from the top of a ramp. We laughed, running up to him. 

“Okay, speed-read definition of Edwards Island. This is a tourist trap with shops and beach. Nobody lives here except some geriatric named Mr. Halo. But, cross my heart and hope to die, we’ll never mention him or any other old person’s name again.”

“We are here to drink and be stupid. A tradition apparently started by bored recruits in the nineteen fifties who would sneak dates over from the coastal towns. They literally called it ‘trawling’.”

“Wow, interesting.” I lightly mocked. Eret snorted behind me.

“Yeah, like kids at camp or something.” Tommy shrugged. “So, to summarize, we are not allowed here after dark. The town is shut down, and we - the L’manberg High Junior Class- have come to commit improper acts.”

We came to a fence just taller than me. I frowned, glancing at Tommy. 

“The beaten path officially ends here. The beach is past the fence a way. I think Nikki told me that there’s a way that they used to get over there, but… I can’t remember how. I mean, can’t be too difficult.” Tommy looked around.

“Dumpster?” Eret pointed to the relatively empty bin sitting by the edge of the path. 

“Perfect, we can push it over and close the lid.” I got beside him and helped. 

“And the other thing about this nowhere island,” Tommy stayed back to finish his story. “Is the weirdo caves.”

“The weirdo caves?” Eret echoed incredulously. 

“The whole reason Fundy brought the radio is because when you go to the- it’s like ‘front’--

“The mouth.” I supplied.

“The mouth of this particular cave, you can sometimes pick up frequencies to stations that don’t exist.” Tommy grinned. “You’ll hear voices or just... sounds… And they’re impossible to get anywhere else on the island. Crazy, right?”

“It’s, um, it’s pretty creepy… at least I’ve heard.” Eret and I managed to get the dumpster into place. 

“I did it once. It’s amazing when it works.” 

“Okay, back up a minute here. What about that Mr. Halo guy? Is he the saint for the island or something?” Eret looked back at the town below us. 

“His family, I think, like owns or owned some of the island or something… he’s been shackled in the same spot for like seventy years. He’s kind of what you’d call a local legend. His house is on the other side of the woods.”

“I can’t imagine living in the same exact house looking at the same exact wall for that long a time.” I climbed up the dumpster and hopped over the fence. The other two joined me a heartbeat later.

We walked down the path, finding the trail that dipped down to the beach.

“Oh, before we get there, I should mention-” 

Tommy was cut off by laughter. 

“Who’s that?” Eret asked from behind me.

(Sorry if it's too long. But I shall try to post the next chapters every few days or so. Each should be around this long.)

[miss-lady-uhane]

Off My Chest Pt.1

I don't see what's so hard about being in a relationship. You are born in to a group of relationships. Your parents, maybe siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins?

Then immediately you're expected to create more relationships and this time it's with strangers. You're told at a you age to treat others how you want to be treated but who's to say that others will treat you the way you treat them. It's totally uncertain how a person will react to you since not everyone gets along even for the most simple of reasons.

When I was in elementary school I always had the weirdest time making friends and I think it's because no one else was going through what I was going through. At that time I was too young to connect those dots because I didn't even really know what I was going through. I always hung out with my cousin patsy when we weren't in school, mostly because my dad was working and she was also my only cousin who was my age. I think we got along well but we just had different views about things. We both grew up in a Jehovah Witness family, and by that I mean my grandparents were both heavily religious and had 13 kids where majority of them were also heavy in to the JW beliefs. The difference between us was that her dad didn't care about going to church and never let the rest of the family pressure him. My dad was always in the church as a young man but was also a troublemaker and actually was disfellowshiped which means no one in the JW congregation could talk to you because you've basically been banned and the only way to get that back is to do everything you're supposed to do in regards to being a good follower.

I don't exactly know how his obligations transferred to me but we always had to go to church until I was maybe 6-8? And I had to go alone. My older cousins would take me to bible study or come over and study the watch tower. At a young age I started to actually realize how hypocritical that was, why do I have to get dressed up and memorize the Bible when my dad just stays home every night? Boom. All at once I was a bad person even though I never did anything wrong.

As a kid I spent a lot of time with my dad who was really strict. My grandma got me a phone because he would refuse to answer her calls and that was both the best and worst gift. I could have some kind of social life and hang out with my friends but my dad would literally call me every 20 minutes and I'm not exaggerating. It got to the point where I would just turn my phone off even if I knew I would get in trouble.

The constant calling and over-protection along with my dad always being gone for work coupled with moving in to smaller and smaller housing situations started to change me inside. I started realizing that not everything was peachy-keen. My dads best friends who I would go over and hang out with their kids no longer wanted him around which meant I had less and less friends. I started to wonder why my dad was always so frantic and why these people he's known his whole life started to drift away from him. The final time we moved to Pa'anau village which was basically Kauai's section 8 housing changed everything. After a lot of drama and overhearing arguments I realized that we were poor. I was still to young to understand why that was but I wasn't really bothered by it because I still wore the same school uniform, I still saw my friends from school, I still went to the beach every day. The only thing that was different now was that my dad was unemployed because the union does massive layoffs all the time.

I was still in middle school at this time and things started to change a little, people wanted to come to my neck of the woods all the sudden and I could never think of an excuse to tell them why they couldn't. Because my dad is a hoarder? Because I live in the ghetto? Or what else? Because my dad refused to pick me up or drop me off because he was always asleep? I never questioned why my dad was the way he was. I always just thought he was sad and missed my mom. He would cry a lot and have nightmares where he would yell for her and I would go in and wake him up and he would just cry.

I learned a lot about growing up once we moved to pa'anau. I had to clean our apartment all the time or it would be a mess, I did my own laundry. I definitely got in a lot of trouble because of who I was hanging out with in the environment. Living there and going to school in the city really changed who I was as a person.

I never saw myself as a "hot girl" or let alone a "pretty island girl". When I was in chief was I remember being like wow I thought I was a tomboy before and now I don't even own a pair of short hollister jean shorts. Either way I made my own path, I had the typical "text" boyfriend that I never saw in my life. We'd look at each other after our friends would go tell them something we each sent them on a mission to relay. Never really cared for any of that because in reality I was still shooting my guy friends with airsoft guns on the weekends.

After a while I realized that I couldn't just hang out with my two guy friends (Curtis & Treydon) because they too were finding themselves in a whole new world. I started hanging out with girls.. I just always felt like I never fit in. Girls as a whole are hard to get close with because there is ALWAYS drama. I still managed to have a group of friends wether I was unsure of if they really liked me or not we all ate lunch and we all hung out every lunch and found each other in class.

In the 8th grade things started to go for a wild turn. I got in a lot of trouble since my after school friends were those in my neighborhood and most of the people who lived in Pa'anau Village have drug using parents or drug dealing parents. I ended up getting arrested for the first time when I was 11 years old. We were eating ice cream I. Old Koloa Town when one of our friends said hey that couple left their bag should we take it? I remember everyone being scared and not wanting to but before I knew it she grabbed it and everyone just started running so of course I ran. She started opening the bag once we got to a bush covered pond near by and I realized we fucked up. The bag had her cell phone, her engagement ring, wedding band, Movado watch, everything. When they caught us I didn't have anything in my possession but the only thing that linked me was a phone call to my cell phone from the stolen phone. That call was made by a friends boyfriend who thought it was funny.

I'm now an 11 year old on probation. Grounded for life, can't affiliate with those friends, not to mention that we all had a different version of what happened. After this I found out that not only those friends but also our mutual school friends also had it out for me. As some kind of joke while we were banned from seeing each other they made a fake MySpace page where they started flirting with all kinds of guys including my last friend left in the groups boyfriend.

At this point I pretty much gave up on everyone I knew. I didn't want to hang out with them and I knew that I could find better people to be with. 8th grade summer my cousin Levi who was for some reason two years older than me in the same grade invited me to hang out with his friends. They were all way older and looked at me crazy!

A 13 year old? Who brought her here. But I was a balmores and they knew my older cousins really well. This group wasn't easy to get in to but once again I found my way and stuck around.

This all leads me to what I wanna figure out. Why, do I consistently get shafted? My 9th grade year I met a boy, he was quiet and literally said nothing to me. We would pass at school and for the first time ever I was like wow who is that. Fast forward, I find out he's friends with my new older friends because he was a senior which would make sense why I never saw him before. We eventually had small interactions and then one day at a party we hooked up. Go figure. We danced and kissed and I was like holy shit I'm gonna get in so much trouble. After that he literally said nothing to me until months went by and it happened again and this time it went all the way. First of all as I'm writing this why the fuck would he be the one to choose? Fuckin guy didn't do anything. Anyway.

I'm 14 and I've lost my virginity to a senior who also lost his virginity to me. Everyone we knew found out and made fun of him for hooking up with such a young girl. Everyone was so mean to me and he never talked to me again not a single word. Later I find out he was too embarrassed, what a pussy.

Instead of being sad I got really mad and started partying more and being kind of a tease because I thought it was funny that guys would try to hook up with me and I could say no but a girl they knew for years would be trying to hook up with them and the guy wouldn't want to. My way of killing two birds with one stone, getting over a guy and pissing off girls who were being mean to me.

Eventually I had my first legit boyfriend and that was.. a first. Typical I threw away my whole world for him but it wasn't hard since we were in the same group, things continued pretty much as normal minus the fact that I always had a ride now.

A lot of things happened that would need an entire book to fill in order for me to explain my self enstated independence from my dad, moving in with a friend, moving in with my coupons, then ending up in Washington.

I spent the entire time in Washington flying back and forth to California partially to see my boyfriend and partially to stay with friends and party.

My boyfriend and I ended pretty bad. He had developed depression and became a legitimate alcoholic, was cheating on me with multiple girls who I was suspicious of, then finally he was a complete drunk monster and that was the end of that.

Once again I found my way. I stayed in Washington and completed high school where I also met a whole squad of female demons. But yet again I started dating someone I met at a party. I didn't know him at all just what I knew from parties and social media. I figured we would be good friends and have fun and it was one of those things where he just called me his girlfriend one day. This was the biggest mistake I could've ever made. This guy was abusive, mentally and physically. I've never dealt with anyone like that and found myself at my weakest point. He spat in my face, threw my belongings all over the place, cheated on me physically, cheated on me on social media, fought with me publicly and on social media. Ultimately he ended up hacking any kind of internet profile I owned and was trying to ruin my life and I had to go to his house get my stuff and tell his parents and threaten legal action. Worst person ever.

Then right before I move to college a friend of mine was really in to setting me up with someone and I told her sure but nothing official. I hung out with this guy and her a few times and started to like him just because he was a normal guy. Pretty basic, friends, family, a dog. Most of all worshipped the ground I walk on. Everything was pretty easy going he asked me to be his girlfriend and I didn't see why not so I said yes, we dated in Washington for 3 months. I moved to California and we were still together even though that wasn't the plan. While I was there the day before my first ever jiu jitsu tournament I get a call "Keanna I'm so sorry I should've never done that I feel so terrible" the voice was a girl but the number wasn't recognized. It was a friend of my boyfriend, she told me that they went to lunch and after went back to his place. I didn't care much about him hanging out with girls because he had a lot of girl friends and it just wasn't an issue. She said that she wanted to break up with her crazy boyfriend and she saw an opportunity (to cheat) and took it. They went back to his house after having a long talk about how they used to have feelings for each other. The stories after this don't really add up but what I gather is that they went up to his room to have sex or something and she started feeling guilty, because we were "friends" and told him she changed her mind to which he responded "can I touch your ass at least" and she pulled her pants down and he touched her ass. Doesn't make sense yeah? So anyway I'm not really trying to deal with this and I should've broken up with him but instead I call him and I said "what did you do?" He sounds confused so I ask again but this time louder. He panicks and says I don't know I don't know. He ended up telling me and flew down the weekend after because wanted to talk. While he was there I looked through his phone and saw some other conversations he was having and also saw that when we first were hanging out he had another option if I didn't go through. Another option who apparently was in his bed when they were making out and she got her period and bled on him she felt so inclined to apologize. After this I lost my shit and didn't trust him at all and I just wanted him to leave. He begged me to forgive him and promised nothing would ever happen again and like me, I go with it. We end up dating for a total of two years. After he said he wouldn't do anything he really didn't. I still let him do whatever he wanted if he wanted to go to Vegas with his friends or party or go to lunch with girls. I just didn't really care I guess, my friend told me "do what you want to do so I know what you'd rather do" so I kept that. Eventually I was tired of how dependent he was. I had to do everything for him aside from basic chores. I had to file papers for him (e.g work, school, gym) I felt like I was teaching him how to do things and I just got tired of it. I felt like everything was almost too good and too plain because I was carrying the relationship. I was better than him at everything. We broke up and he moved out which was a long process.

During that process I was working my first full time job, had a recently found new best friend, and was spending most of my time with someone from high school who didn't like me but we ended up liking our adult selfs. This person suggested that I start hanging out with a teammate, a guy I knew since the 6th grade, or at least knew who he was. She said she thought we would be cute together and people always made fun of us for being so close. Never in my mind did I think I would date him. I just didn't see him like that. We started hanging out and realized we have a lot more in common than we thought. Everything happened pretty fast and things were so different. For once I was open to the idea of having a "friends with benefits" because I knew this person for a while and knew he wasn't exactly the relationship type. I told him that this could work out as long as he didn't keep me in the dark and was honest with me. After 4 months of us being kind of exclusive kind of not he told me that he loved me more than anyone else and I felt the same way. We were officially official. I felt so close to him in ways I never felt with anyone else. Eventually we had our first issue. I had found out that he had been chatting with our old classmate who lived in a city near by, he was telling her all kinds of false nothings and she asked "aren't you dating Keanna?" To which he replied "ugh". I found out because we were sitting with each other that night and she messaged him, I said ew why are you talking to that girl? And he said they were talking because she lived near by. I messaged her "hey girl. Bryson told me you live in LA we should hang sometime" to which she responded something like "Keanna I'm so sorry I shouldn't have been talking to him I'm so sorry I did this to you" followed with screenshots of their conversation. I was hurt. I freaked out, he left, he came back and squeezed me tight after hours of us fighting and said he was sorry and it would never happen again. A few months go by and we're sort of living together mostly because I didn't want to hang out at his house anymore and my place was cuter. Every morning before he went to work he spent a huge amount of time in the bathroom and I was always kind of like wtf and I don't remember how I found this out but I found out that he was flirting with girls during those hours because some how one of the girls told me and sent me screenshots of their conversations. Once again I got mad and forgave him and months went by. I go away for thanksgiving break leaving him at our place/my place. I come back to beautiful flowers and more attention than I had before. He told me shortly after that break that he wasn't going to be hanging with his old friends because they were bad news and I was pretty surprised. I kind of agreed but I also think.. idk my friends are wild too. Either way things were good. One day he gets a FaceTime call and didn't want to answer it, I copied the number in to google and found a name of a girl I recognized from a while ago at my birthday. I was drunk and he let me send a Snapchat to a bunch of girls I told them "I will ruin your life" the only one who responded was this girl who said "I didn't even do anything" and I thought it was funny. I find out that while I was gone for thanksgiving he and his friend picked this girl up and her friend and brought them to my apartment and they stayed the night. They made a vlog about how they picked them up in my car and how they hung out at my place and slept so long that they missed their flight. The next morning there were videos of my boyfriend driving them back in my car. My heart stopped.

I've never felt so blind sided in my life. I hated him and I didn't want to see him again but somehow he convinced me that it was all a mistake and he already cut all these toxic people out of his life.

He suggested that we delete social media and I remember the exactly message "if you love me you'll do the same thing" and I was like wow, yeah let's do it. That was probably the most interesting time of my life. For once I didn't have social media and I had to answer to everyone as to why and tell them that I am okay and that I'm just taking time off. We ended up moving to LA to be closer to school. His friend moved in from Kauai and stayed only 6 months. Living in LA was an interesting change. We got to eat a lot and experience a different kind of the city.

Lots of little things happened while we were here, we fought a lot about social media. He would reactivate his Instagram without telling me which I felt like was kind of shady since we were doing this together and I didn't know there was that option on the table but I felt like life was better without it anyway. At one point I saw a call on his phone made from Snapchat to a random girl. I asked about it and it got no where but I became very suspicious. At this point my trust level was low as could be but I just thought that the goods were good and that bads were so stupid and avoidable. One day I just decided to look through his Venmo and the first name said "queenturtlee" I was like wtf kind of name is that so I look it up on google and see that it's connected to a Twitter account of a girl asking people to send her money. I reach out to her and ask why she's friends with my boyfriend to which she sends me screenshots of their conversations and once again I am frantic. I screenshot all of it and send it to him, we go through the apologies again. And yet again I believe that he was going to delete it. Half way through living in Palos Verdes, life at this point is a fucking rollercoaster. I haven't told anyone about anything thats happened I haven't opened up or really understand how I feel about it we just keep moving. One night after he was out with friends he was getting texts and calls from a Hawaii phone number which I thought was strange, I look it up on a google and I recognize the name. I start questioning it but I get deflected, it's nothing it's nothing. Once again we move on.

A few months go by and we're hit with an actual pandemic. We leave LA all together to go to Washington temporarily and it turned in to permanently after realizing that life in California just wasn't going to be sustainable. I graduated college virtually, we were living in my grandmas house for 3-4 months. Things were weird. We were managing to stay positive by doing all the things we possibly could to stay active and have a good summer.

Eventually we got our own place, moved all our belongings up, and got a puppy! Things were still locked down but at least we had all of our things and more importantly we had this little fluffy bear.

I've always struggled with birth control because I would get the worst symptoms so a friend told me about tracking ovulation and taking my basal body temperature in place of taking birth control. This method was risky but I felt like it was okay because she does it. One day I felt really sick and realized I didn't get my period, I took 5 pregnancy tests all faded positive negative. This led to me having to take a bunch of blood tests and ultrasounds to find out that I was exactly 3 weeks pregnant.

I wasn't ready and had no intention on having the baby but I had to wait until a fetus was visible to do anything about it. While I'm in this process I get a random message from a classmate I haven't talked to in years. They say "hey girl sorry to message you about this but I was at a family party and there were some girls talking about your boyfriend subscribing to her only fans" I immediately felt my heart drop lower than ever. The girl who was at the party messaged me, she told the girl with the only fans to message me and she did. She sent me everything and I remembered a time recently when I walked out late at night and saw him on Snapchat which is where the messages she showed me came from. So once again I confront him but this time it's different. I'm going through something that I never thought. I'm waiting weeks knowing I'm pregnant feeling nauseas, anxious, and scared. What am I supposed to do now.

After a huge fight, the solution was that he would delete it again and give me his password.

This was probably the worst it ever was. A couple nights I unlocked his phone and then got nervous and locked it again. I wanted to look but I was scared of what I would find. I couldn't sleep every night, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know if I could trust him anymore. Everything was so good how was I going to deal with a breakup, a puppy separation, all after moving to a new state. I thought to myself, if I don't look now I'll never know. So I do. I find messages that date back to a year. I find all the extra messages that no one sent me, I find money trails sent to females for nudes or sexual messages. Worst of all I find the girl that I saw calling him a year before when he came home late that one night. He had been talking to this girl the entire time, telling her stories about things we were doing. Worst of all is that he wrote the words "I love you".

I completely lost my shit. I woke him up in a rage showing him all the things I saw asking him how he could do this to me.

I never wanted to see him again I felt like I was going to throw up. I was crying so much I felt like the world knew.

He went to his moms house and I tried to stay out or away as much as possible without telling my family anything. At this point it hurt so much. I love him so much, everything outside of social media is a dream so why would he risk that? I felt insecure. A few days before my surgery he told me that he wanted to be there for me and that he was a changed person and realized how fucked up he was but he didn't want me to go through it alone. I didn't want to go through it alone either, I couldn't stop thinking about what I saw and all the names I read. I felt alone and like I was looking at a stranger.

He came back and we slowly tried to figure out how to be normal again. Since then we've moved on far but I think he moves much faster or at least it seems like it. He is my best friend and someone I care about differently than I've ever before. We make a great team, we support each other and know each other on a deep level. We can be our selves with each other. We know each other more than I've ever known any of my friends.

Today, we are still together. He is still my best friend. Our little fluffy bear is now a semi-huge German shepherd who is the cutest and most well behaved 9 month old ever. We've established ourselves in Washington and he actually got a really good job doing what he went to school for. In regards to loyalty things have been going well so far. It's taken me a lot to get to where I am now, I feel like I lost myself for a long time. I'm trying to work on myself lately and trying to stay focused on things that really matter. Our life is pretty much picture perfect but we're still growing up.

Our most constant argument is always social media, but now it's all over the place. It's me being crazy, it's him being careless. A constant circle of misunderstanding each other and breaking each other down emotionally. Sometimes I wish there was a way to forget everything. I wish social media was as it were before, simple. I wish communication wasn't so aggressive and that there was an easier way to mediate instead of getting a therapist. I don't know I wish there was a way to make the pain go away. To not think about what's made me who I am today.

I think it's hard being in your 20s. Everyone is at different stages of life. They have different priorities. People who you grew up with are now spread across the world and you may go years without seeing someone you consider your close friend.

One thing that's hard for me now is not knowing what's next. I feel as if I've given all of the emotional gas I have and if anything else makes my heart drop I think I'll completely give up.

I wish it was easier to get over a fear but some people including myself need extra support. Unfortunately for my boyfriend, not only does he get to deal with what we've been through but he has to deal with all that I've been through.

I always feel like no one I know actually knew what I went through growing up. Boyfriends or best friends are usually the ones who get to know you best and so far only one person who's not my family knows so much about me. Life has shown me how easy it's been for people to leave me or treat me badly. I know that I am not a perfect person but I do know that I don't deserve half the things I experienced. I blame myself for being too forgiving, I blame the church for teaching me that trait, I blame my dad for making me go and making me think life was different than it was.

At this point I have no one to blame but myself for how things have gone. All I can hope is that all that I have now stays afloat and keeps growing in the positive direction that it has. I can't control everything even though I want to.

[hayleyarts]

Broken Without You (Jasper Hale x OC) | chapter 3

Author’s note: I’m not as proud of this part as I should be, but I’m still trying to develop some plot and character dynamics. there’s no warnings for this one, maybe some language, that’s about it. 

Previous part

Summary: Eleanor Rae visits with an old friend and contemplates her overthinking. She thinks that perhaps she simply needs to find her own safe place to calm down when life gets a little too much to handle. 

Word count: 1626

Track 03 - Nobody by Mitski 

It didn’t take long for me to arrive to the old diner downtown; I could probably drive there in my sleep. I was a frequent customer of the family owned establishment because my mom usually worked night shifts meaning I had to fend for myself for dinner. They were nice enough to let me work for a meal – doing odd jobs like dishwashing or taking out the garbage. Luckily for me, they’ve gotten to the point where they feed me for free. 

As I enter the diner, the little bell signals my arrival. Seth looks up from his spot behind the counter with the pot of coffee, greeting me with a smile, “Hey Ellie. You’re early?”

“Yeah you know, no rest for the wicked.” I smile at him. Seth Clearwater is probably the only person I’ve ever considered my friend; which I suppose is a little depressing considering that he’s almost seven years older than me and should clearly be in university instead of working at a restaurant. 

“Should I tell Cecil that you ditched?” He raises a brow quizzically at me.

“I’d rather you didn’t.” I narrow my eyes, sitting at the bar stool across from him. Seth was a lot different compared to everyone else in this town, but different in a good way. I’ve known him forever because his sister used to babysit me when I was younger. This is when my mom first started working the night shifts, and she was desperate to find someone to watch over me for cheap. Leah was more than willing to look after me whenever my mom was working; anything to get away from all her cousins who seemed to drive her crazy. I always got along with Seth, but something happened when he was sixteen; he started acting strange. I tried to ask his parents about it, but they couldn’t really say much to a nine-year-old without confusing them. He was gone all the time, and soon so was Leah; the Clearwater parents taking over the babysitting until I was old enough to look after myself. Finally, after what felt like forever, Seth finally started to spend time with me again, though he was still not the same Seth that I hung out with before. 

Seth started being really interested in my life and actually caring about me. When Maya and I had our falling out, he was the one who comforted me the whole time; threatening to beat the shit out of her friends. I always thought he was kidding, but I think he was being completely serious.

“Did something happen?” He wipes off the counter huffing a loose strand of hair out his face.

I roll my eyes, pulling the extra hair tie off my wrist and handing it to him. He smiles, taking it and quickly pulling his hair up in a ponytail. “Do you consider me a nobody?”

He raises a brow, “No? Who said you were?”

I huff, “Well no one, but it feels like everyone at school treats me like I’m invisible.”

Seth frowns, furrowing his brows, “Well you know how people are when it comes to gossip and not knowing how to move on from things,” He glances down at the counter, his knuckles clenching against the marble countertop, “You’re not a nobody and whatever people say about you is bullshit.”

“You really think people are still talking about the whole thing with my dad?” I rest my forehead down on the counter.

“I hope not, but you know how people are.” He sighs, wiping around where my head is before placing a clean mug down and pouring the black coffee in it. 

“Do you know the Cullen’s?” I glance up at him. His reaction was strange, he blinked and looked away quickly. His brows furrowed slightly before glancing back at me with a small smile. 

“Yeah, they’re family friends, why?”

I shrug, “They’re all dicks and they think they’re top shit because they drive fancy cars and are drop dead gorgeous.” I mumble quickly. 

“Okay, what did they do?” He chuckles, “They’re not all dicks. Maybe just Rosalie.”

I huff, sitting up and sipping the coffee, “They were gossiping and laughing at me at lunch today.”

“Are you sure?” Seth raises a brow, “Did you hear them say anything about you? Did you hear them laughing at you in particular?” I think about his question. I mean, technically no, I didn’t hear them talk about me in particular. They seemed to be just enjoying their lunch break. But if they weren’t talking about me, why did Jasper pay so much attention to me while they were talking? Did he know I was admiring him during history class and then again as they were entering the cafeteria? Did he care? Was that his way of showing how I was making him uncomfortable, by making me uncomfortable? 

“Well, no…” I shrug, glancing up at him. 

“Besides, maybe they just want to get to know you?” He raises a brow, “They’re good people so I wouldn’t doubt it.”

“How are you guys family friends? You’re like a million years older than them.” I furrow my brows.

Seth eyes me for a second, as if he was thinking about a response, “Carlisle and my dad were good friends.” I could tell he was lying, but I also didn’t want to question him about it considering his father passed away when he was seventeen. But there was something about his answer that didn’t sound too genuine. 

“Makes sense.” I nod, looking around the diner. It looked about how you imagine a small restaurant. After Sue bought it and fixed it up, she added some cultural art pieces on the walls of the Quileute tribe, bringing some life into the old building. The tables were completely redone with dark varnish and the seats all replaced. Seth ended up taking over when his mother got sick, trying to keep the restaurant alive. 

“Do you want me to get you something to eat?” Seth breaks my thoughts, “Did you have lunch?” 

I sigh softly, “Yeah I ate, don’t worry.” I take another long sip of the coffee before standing and stretching my back, “I’m probably going to go home.”

“Okay, well text if you need anything. I can bring you supper tonight if you need.” Seth smiles that boyish smile that he seemed to never grow out of. 

“I should be okay, but I’ll keep that in mind.” I make my way to the door. 

“Don’t make it a habit to skip Ellie.” 

I roll my eyes, flipping him off as I leave the restaurant, calling out, “Thanks Mom.” I laugh along with his faint chuckling, returning to my worn-down Jeep and hopping inside. I start the engine and pull out of the lot for the restaurant. The drive through town is depressing, the scenery all the same. The buildings all consisting of old brick and wood that has been falling apart for years. It’s when you leave the town’s boundaries, that’s when you’re faced with beauty that is the forests surrounding Forks, Washington. As I drive through the trees, I roll my windows down along with shutting off the radio; wanting to be completely emersed in the sounds of nature. 

As I approach the turn off for my house, I decide last minute to skip it; continuing my drive deeper into the forest. It got to the point where paved road turned to gravel and then the road stopped altogether. I pull over, shut off my Jeep and hop out. While surveying the scenery around me, I notice a few deer off in the distance. I’ve never been this far out in before; usually I take my usual scenic drive home and that was it. Something was telling me to come out here, and I’m not sure why, but I wanted to hike deeper in. I tighten my ponytail and begin my hike on the path between the trees. 

I definitely didn’t have the right choice of shoes for a hike; wearing converse I’ve had for years. I try to take a step over a tree root, almost losing my footing all together. It was nice, however, being able to be alone in silence. While other high schoolers are out partying, I’d rather be here, in the silence of nature. It was freeing being alone. I’ve always wondered if I disappeared in the woods for a few days if anyone would notice. Within town, I’m invisible, but here among the moss-covered trees, I feel important. 

I smile as I approach a clearing in the trees, and I’m met with the most beautiful field of daises. It felt like a completely different world; the sun shining on the greenest grass and butterflies fluttering from flower to flower. This isn’t the rainy world I was used to. I run through the flowers to the middle of the clearing, plopping down on the slightly damp grass. I lay back, watching the clouds float by. 

“Wow…” I mumble to myself as I take a deep breath, relaxing back into the soft grass. This place seemed to radiate in an energy I’ve never experienced. Everything seemed happy and calm and there weren’t any worries. Why was I drawn here? Did the universe know about my stress and anxiety and wanted to calm me down? I’ve always believed everyone has their own place in the world, and I just haven’t found mine yet. Maybe my place is this meadow in the middle of my small rainy world. As I lay in the sunlight, all my worries disappear. There are no ex-friends, no gossiping strangers, and no Cullen’s. It’s just me and the meadow; a nobody in a field of daisies.

[purplesurveys]

839

x 5 countries you would like to visit within your lifetime: Thailand, Vietnam, Morocco, Turkey, India.

x 5 aspects of your usual morning routine: My morning routine’s really not that complicatd haha. Let’s see...I check my phone, make my bed, wash my face, comb my hair, and tell Kimi good morning.

x 5 of your top favorite music genres: Punk rock, indie folk, R&B, pop rock, synth pop.

x 5 controversial issues that are important to you: LGBTQ+ issues, Black Lives Matter, the Me Too and Speaking Out movements, rape, and abortion.

x 5 songs that you could listen to over and over again:

Why We Ever - Hayley Williams

From Eden - Hozier

I Was a Teenage Anarchist - Against Me!

Love Drought - Beyoncé

Kiss It Better - Rihanna

x 5 things that remind you of childhood: Playing outside, Pokemon cards, Spongebob, getting gashes on my knees, alcoholism.

x 5 of your favorite scents: My usual perfume, cookies being baked, curry being cooked, a clean hotel room, and coffee.

x 5 things you do on your favorite holiday: I don’t really have traditions for Halloween...sometimes I’ll watch a horror movie or two, or do my occasional read-about-serial-killers-on-Wikipedia binge, or watch Buzzfeed Unsolved, but that’s it. I don’t get the chance to dress up all that often, so I won’t list it down.

x 5 of your favorite clothing items: Currently I like tank tops, halter tops, ~mom~ jeans, white sneakers, and rompers.

x 5 five questions you would ask your favorite band if you ever met them: I honestly don’t know. I don’t imagine myself asking questions when I meet Paramore...I suppose I’d ask them stuff about depression and mental health in general because they’ve been really big on promoting that in the last few years and because it’s something I go through too.

x 5 five random texts from your inbox: “mhm” from Gabie, “So what’s the deal?” from my dad, “Robyn drink ur medicine” from my mom, “Ty” with three hearts from Gab’s dad, and “omg im happy for u biych” from Angela.

x 5 things you do while with your best friend: Eat somewhere cheap, catch up on gossip, exchange banter, drive around, andddd have a few drinks.

x 5 pet peeves: People who feel like they always have to shit on others’ interests, people who are constantly late, people who don’t clean up after themselves in restaurants, being nonchalantly racist, and being way too extroverted.

x 5 things you do on a daily basis that are out of the norm: Not so sure. I think I’m pretty normal lol in terms of my routine? The only unusual thing I’ve been doing recently is going back to my YouTube fangirl days and watching videos from the peak of my former favorites like Zoella and Tyler Oakley. The videos are all the way from like 2012-2015 so I doubt a lot of people have been visiting them.

x 5 talents you wouldn't mind having: Playing the piano, playing the violin, dancing ballet, making videos, and cooking.

x 5 people who have impacted your life: Gabie, Angela, Sofie, Andrew, and my grandfather.

x 5 stores at which you like to shop: I honestly really just go for the independent stalls over at Feliz lol.

x 5 things you do when you are angry: Stay quiet, rest my head (if there’s a table nearby), stay in my car and cry quietly, ignore everyone, smack the thing nearest to me.

x 5 positive things about yourself: I like that IIIIIIII...put other people first. And that I remember little details about my friends, and that I’m good at picking out gifts for the people I love, and that I pick up trash wherever I may be hahaha. And that I’m not an asshole to servers or baristas.

x 5 unique items in the surrounding area: A box of steam eye masks, a bottle of ~glucose monohydrate, chew toys, a pair of masquerade masks, and a glass polar bear.

x 5 things you would do if trapped in a room with your boyfriend/girlfriend: Hug them, kiss them, ask them to lift me up, probably laugh at how dumb we’re being, and then I’ll probably cry too.

x 5 things you would do if trapped in a room with your enemy: No enemies.

x 5 instruments you wouldn't mind learning how to play: Piano, saxophone, violin, drums, and harp.

x 5 types of surveys that you like the most: Random surveys, categories, themed ones as long as they aren’t corny, name surveys, and have you evers though I prefer elaborating my answers for each item.

x 5 influential people in history about which you are interested: Well in the past, I’ve read about George Washington, Rosemary Kennedy, Steve Jobs, Claudette Colvin, and Kim Il-sung.

x 5 memories you have of you as a child: Losing a tooth for the first time in the middle of storytime in school; always being too short for the preschool pool; my parents leaving me for hours in an ice skating rink while they do groceries and other errands; playing outside until 6 in the evening; and play-wrestling with my eldest cousin.

x 5 memories you have of your life in middle school: Egh, this is gonna turn a bit dark...my two best friends migrating, feeling out of place in school nearly the whole time, getting exceptionally good grades because I had no friends anyway, my first suicide attempt, and being extensively grounded.

x 5 not-so-happy high school memories: Struggling to fit in during freshman year, my grandpa’s death, my breakup, failing some classes like geometry and chemistry, and I can’t really think of a fifth thing lol. High school mostly went well for me.

x 5 traditions you or your family has: Going on vacations when my dad is home; visiting my paternal grandparents on the first weekend of my dad coming back; going out for lunch after Sunday mass; going to one of my aunt’s for Christmas; and doing monito-monita at my great-aunt’s house also for Christmas.

[freebooter4ever]

my dad group texted my brother and i, highly unusual, and i think jordan was weirded out too cause his response was equally short and confused. on the list of things my little brother and i have never discussed, our dad’s relative interest or lack there of in our lives is pretty high. dad’s been messaging me since october, asking about stuff like where my next living plans are (which he has never done since i first moved out age eighteen), and i’ve only been vaguely responding to the point blank questions cause its just. so. weird. i think my grandpa’s death has shaken dad’s worldview a bit more than he’s been letting on.

he alienated my brother and i pretty much immediately after his secretive marriage to the bottle blonde rich bitch when i was 22. he kicked my brother out as soon as jordan turned 18, and when i discovered this by coming home one summer and seeing jordan wasnt in the house, i got so fucking mad that it was the first time i ever had a full out screaming match at my dad. and apparently this display of anger was when rich bitch decided she didn’t like me (probably valid, but also ironic because pretty much from birth it was known in my entire extended family that dad and i were almost identical personality wise, and both of us have tempers where we will not get mad at anything but frustration will build up and up until on the rare blue moon it boils over, and oh boy. watch out. those moments were the only times i was ever scared of my dad as a kid and i think it only happened twice in my entire life)(if she thinks im crazy when im angry, she should see my dad)

but i was crazy mad because while i was lucky enough to be put in therapy due to attempting to starve myself into non existence at age 13 (many many sessions of ‘family’ therapy with me in the center of a long couch silently trying to pretend i was invisible and my mom two feet away at one end and dad on the opposite end of the couch, and my mom doing all the talking, ranting and raving about how im starving myself to punish her. and then the therapist kicking both my parents out and trying to convince me to say a few words, and her finally getting me to realize that how my mom treated me was not normal and not something i needed to put up with if it made me sad and scared, and then the therapist realizing that i was still too sad and scared to confront it, and her and i coming up with a compromise where we would tell my mom that i was just ‘really attached’ to dad’s house and it wasnt that i was terrified of living with my mom or liked my dad better, it was that i just really liked living in one place instead of out of a suitcase and moving every week), and so had both the therapist and my dad supporting me when at fourteen i finally said enough was enough and demanded that my dad get full custody so i didnt have to spend every other week with my abusive mother anymore - while i got out of that situation, my brother didnt. i tried, he knew that it was my decision to live full time with dad and i made it clear he could do the same, but just as it was a given that i was identical to dad’s personality, my brother was identical to mom’s so i think he was more attached to her than i was. either way, he always refused and insisted on continuing to live between both of them. after i hit driving age, my dad transferred responsibility to me for shuttling my brother to and from my dad’s house to my mom’s apartment. dad’d lock himself in his room, or go to the gym, and i’d turn on an endless rotation of star wars movies for jordan and i to watch before i had to take him to his next week’s place (phantom menace was our favorite cause darth maul was just cool ok, dont judge).

anyway, the last day i ever stayed at my moms house, my brother was there. and i must have been twenty or twenty one because he would have only been around seventeen. but even at seventeen he was well over six foot five cause he got all the height in the family which was totally not fair but thats besides the point. so while i was there my mom flew into one of her alcohol induced rages, and took it all out on my brother. i had intellectually figured that all the anger my mom used to take out on me had then transferred to my brother once i stopped living there every other week, but up until that point i hadn’t actually seen it. she started shoving him, and punching him, and not enough so it would hurt much, because as i said he was well over six feet and she was barely five six, so he could pretty well block any thing she dished out. but he was cornered, and he looked scared. and i was hiding useless on the stairwell, crying, and begging mom to stop. and it only stopped cause jordan managed to slip out the front door and once he escaped mom went back into the kitchen, still yelling and angry. and i took the chance to grab my school bag and leave in solidarity. and my brother and i stood there awkwardly on the porch, me still crying, and him smoking and trying to look cool and not like he just got chased out of the apartment by a woman half his size. and i promised him we wouldnt go back until she calmed down, and that she was being unreasonable and he didnt deserve any of it, and id figure out somewhere to go. and we started walking down the sidewalk, but not together because we were never that close. he wandered off somewhere to smoke. and that’s as far as i remember.

this day came up in conversation with my grandma in the months after grandpa’s death, during one of our many three am can’t sleep conversations in grandma’s kitchen (grandma would wake up, i’d hear her get out of bed and wake up too. she’d make herself tea and eat some graham crackers and we’d sit together at the table feeling the third empty chair like an ache). grandma brought it up, because apparently, even though i cant remember this at all, i had my no/kia brick phone in my school bag (a minor miracle because i hated carrying around cell phones for the longest time), and i actually called grandma. and grandpa and her came to pick me up, and they found me sitting on a wall a block away from my mom’s apartment, and then we drove around till we found jordan, and then we all went back to my grandparent’s house. after bringing this up, grandma then, completely unprompted, told me something that child me thought about regularly - she said that even though her mom died when she was 8, leaving her to help raise her two younger siblings, grandma thought in some ways it was easier than what my brother and i went through with the divorce and my mom leaving. i used to regularly - not wish my mom dead, exactly - but wish i could pretend she was dead, rather than her just not being there anymore. especially since, when i was suddenly thrown into being her sole emotional and physical punching bag now that dad wasn’t filling the role anymore, a lot of the times being around her post divorce was not a good thing. (I cut off all contact with my mom finally at age 25 and haven’t looked back)

so yeah, i was fucking pissed that i had worked so hard to try to mitigate the damage i caused by leaving jordan alone with my mom for pretty much the entirety of my high school years...only to have my dad kick him out barely a few years after i left for college and thus putting my brother at my mom’s mercy. ostensibly my dad kicked my brother out because of his drug addictions, but my brother was the most mild mannered addict i’ve ever known. the worst thing he ever did was steal a couple hundred dollars from me, but he never got violent, he never got angry. other people got angry at him. my aunt once tried to fight him in a hospital elevator because he sold my cousin heroin or meth or some shit and my cousin ended up impaling a knife in his chest in front of my grandma, which is a whole nother story. but jordan was only nineteen when that happened. my cousin? thirty six. and a long time violent and angry drug addict with a record (he threw a book at his professor’s head and got kicked out of grad school while on cocaine once, which is how he ended up back in washington state and needing a new drug dealer - hence my brother suddenly getting involved) (same cousin later flew into a drug fueled rage in his forties and almost beat his girlfriend to death) (my brother was long since clean by then and had nothing to do with our cousin getting drugs at that point)

all this to say my dad’s rich bitch new wife didn’t think a drug addict and mentally ill artist fit into her picture perfect family, so dad started making it clear we were not welcome at family functions unless we complied with very strict rules. ironically, jordan was let back into the fold first partially because i can hold a grudge for a very long time and i was very very terrified of my mom and dad was the sane stable one and i had trusted him to take care of everything even without me there and dad had failed pretty spectacularly at that. im still bitter at my dad for his secret marriage and subsequent moving into her million dollar mansion and throwing my brother out. but also partially because jordan started following all of dad’s rules, got himself cleaned up (he moved in with his girlfriend, and i think being out of mom’s house had a lot to do with getting over his addictions), started studying computer science, found a really good software engineering job, suddenly dad approved of him. i also partially antagonized rich bitch wife by doing silly things like wearing black leather pants and the most provocative clothes i owned whenever i went over to their house. rich bitch was a very simple narrow minded person with a lot of prejudices. i imagine i was not seen as a good influence on her two younger daughters. and eventually they stopped seeing me altogether. even when i was living in washington for all of 2017 - the only time i ever saw dad was when he’d come visit my grandparents alone. the day before i took grandma on the train to move to ohio, we were supposed to all have dinner together at our family’s favorite place to eat out - crossroads mall - and the rich bitch refused to show up. that’s how petty she is. she also is so dumb she’s under the delusion that kids get into drugs if they don’t have dogs (????) so that’s why she forced my dad to get a dog for her spoiled brat youngest when the girl went into high school. my dad dislikes animals, so i will say one of the highlights of this marriage is seeing my dad become a dog person. the rich bitch and her daughters mostly ignore the dog, but my dad is so attached to max that he even lets the little puppy sit in his lap while driving. anyway, anyone who thinks dogs are the sole answer to preventing drug addictions can go to hell.

yeah, blah blah blah, to sum up its WEIRD for my dad to suddenly be texting my brother and i unprompted, and asking me about my life and my plans. i dont really know how to deal. i miss him. he was always the closest person in my life to the point where even when i moved away for college, i still assumed after i graduated i’d just move back in with dad so it was only four years being gone, cause why would i ever want to live anywhere else?. i kept thinking if i could hit some level of success that he would approve of, that maybe eventually i could become somebody his rich bitch wife would associate with. but that never happened, obviously. 

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

tagged by @lucypcvensie uwu thanks for putting up with my weirdo self ily <3

How tall are you? 5′2 

What color and style is your hair? lots of people say my hair’s a light brown, but hair stylists say it’s a dark blonde so I’ll trust their judgement // my hair’s curly

What color are your eyes? blue (with these little flecks of gold right around the irises, you can only see them if you look real close)

Do you wear glasses? I have glasses, don’t necessarily wear them all the time

Do you wear braces? I used to, but I developed root resorption and had to get them off early (spring of 2017) so now none of my teeth toouch except for in the very back :( makes it really hard to eat samiches (yes that’s how I like to spell sandwiches fight me)

What’s your fashion sense? so I don’t count most days as my fashion sense bc I wear athleisure ish allllllll the time out of laziness, but when I do make an effort I have two ends of things bc I’m androgynous. so on a day when I’m feeling more masculine you’re gonna see me in a sporty-type-look (spandex, just barely sagging joggers, a graphic tee, my gold chain and jordans, I usually pull my hair into a ponytail and lay my edges), but on a day when I feel more feminine you’re gonna see me in some tried-and-true type of clothes (cute shirt, leggings, heels, jewelry, makeup did, hair down and [hopefully] acting right), but on a day when I’m feeling in-between I’ll try to experiment or be “edgy” (basically mixing and matching or trying something I saw a celebrity do and thought was cute). regardless of any style I’m in, though, you’re always gonna see me with my nails done, whether that means I got acrylics on or that I painted them myself... just know. that’s how we do. and by we I mean me.

Full name? I won’t share my last name, but Eden Amaris (fun fact: amaris can be pronounced two ways!) Is my first and middle

When were you born? December 18, 1999

Where are you from and where do you live now? was born in Federal Way, WA but I consider myself to be from Tacoma, WA as I’ve spent all of my most important years there (early childhood + hs + uni). I now live in Tacoma.

What school do you go to? University of Washington

What kind of student are you? a fucking mess I’m quiet at first, but once I’m comfortable I’m rly talkative and answer so many questions that my teachers will literally stop calling on me unless if there’s no one else lmaooo, I’ve also had several classmates and teachers tell me I should be a teacher and surprise, surprise, I do want to be a teacher for some time

Do you like school? f-f-f-FUCK YEA I LIKE SCHOOL how is that even a question??? to take it down a couple notches, yes, I love school, whether it’s for sports or for learning, I’m always excited to come to school everyday wow what a frickin nerd amirite, frickin loser

Favorite subject? depends on my professor. at this point, I highkey hate all of my classes rn bc I don’t feel like I’m learning anything. that miiight also have something to do with depression and anxiety though so idk what to tell ya man

Favorite tv shows? not a super TV person, but I’m a thot for Steven Universe

Favorite movie? I love tf out of movies, my all time would have to be Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (I just pretend that WftPotA didn’t happen atm bc I hate sm of what happened in it), but in the last few days I’ve watched War Horse (I cried like a bitch lemme tell ya), Secretariat (didn’t cry like a bitch but got teary-eyed) and 42 (I did cry at certain parts but it’s kinda uplifting so ya know, wasn’t super sad) and they were all lovely so if you haven’t seen them yet, go watch them! They’re all free on Netflix

Favorite book? When I was little it was this book called Junket (that thing is older than my grandparents, good lordte), I think some of my favorites rn tho are Heartless by Marissa Meyer and Tales from the Perilous Realm by J.R.R. Tolkien

Favorite past time? a couple months ago you would’ve thought it was crying from how much I did that, but tbh it’s probably drawing, writing, reading, watching movies, listening to music, sewing, spending time/going on adventures with my friends and helping my friends with their lives. I KNOW THAT’S EVERYTHING BUT I CAN’T HELP IT REEEE my most favorite past time atm is helping my friend Charlie clean and organize his room and designing things for his business, also spending time with my favorite little niecey-poo in the WHOLE WORLD OMGOODNESS HERE IS A PICTURE OF HER BEAUTIFUL SELF I LOVE HER SM SHE IS THE SWEETEST MOST CUTEST AND FUNNIEST AND SMARTEST WITTO GIRL EVER AND I LOVE HER <3

Do you have regrets? boy oh boy, do I: taking so long to forgive my abuser (thx for destroying my childhood @ my biological father), procrastinating, not having enough self-love/worth/confidence, being complacent with so many of the friends I used to have, focusing so much on socializing in hs rather than my sports and my schoolwork, being so afraid to just be myself bc I knew most people don’t want to be friends with a weirdo, the list goes on, all I can do now is move past it though so... ohwell.

Dream job? oh SIS get ready for this: sooo I want to own my own business, known as LEAD Revitalization (L for Love, E for Equity, A for Advocacy, D for Diplomacy - these are the core values of my business), which aims to help revitalize underdeveloped and underserved ethnic communities in the US and around the world and fight against gentrification through implementing art of all mediums in or near historic locations in that community that is representative of the demographic living there (so if the area is a primarily black neighborhood, you’re gonna see art depicting black history and culture, and if the area is primarily Asian you’d see Asian history and culture). I won’t get too into it just bc that would make this post way too long, but if anyone’s interested or wants to hear more you can bml ;) like literally bc I’m passionate af about it so I will talk your head off for days on end if given the chance

Would you ever like to be married? yes

Would you like kids? yes

How many? two or three of my own (I’m hoping for a girl and a boy) just so I can have the experience of having kids, but once they’re grown and out of the house I would like to adopt more if I have the resources to. my cousin’s adopted, so like, idk. I think that if you can adopt a kid, you should, bc there’s so many of them just stuck in the foster system and that’s complete bs

Do you like shopping? yes but I usually don’t like getting myself things (unless if we’re talking groceries or something I actually need), I love to buy things for other ppl tho if I can

What countries have you visited? canada for like 3 days technically, I just went to Mt. Whistler for spring snowboarding (that shit hurted) with my aunt bc she paid for the whole thing and my passport

Scariest nightmare you have ever had? TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE - I had a nightmare awhile ago that this guy I used to be involved with raped me, I also used to have recurring nightmares after I stopped going to my biological father’s house for visitation where he would come searching for me trying to kill me and my older brother (he’s tried to kill me 3+ times sooo... it makes sense). so like. fun.

Any enemies? S A T A N and myself, or.... my brain, I guess. idk.

Self-doubt? you betcha

Any significant other? kinda? I’m currently fwb with my ex and still have feelings for him (oopsies), we split bc he was going through shit and needed to figure himself out, I’ve been close to him for a phat minute so I’m not really trippin about it. I also have crushes on other people, but nothing’s presented itself as something worth pursuing yet so. yakno.

Do you believe in miracles? lmao I would fuckin hope so, the very fact that I’m alive rn is a gd miracle so yea

How are you? I am so-so. If we’re just talking about today, I’m prolly fine, but if we’re talking long term, I’ve been going through it. I’m just trying to figure myself out atm, and it’s rough, but I’ll probably get there. My friends think I will, at least.

i tag: @crookedly-rainy @secretpatrolpiespy hi I don’t have any other friends on Tumblr so I tagged my friends from Amino Y E E T

[wineanddinosaur]

EOD Drinks with Dan Aykroyd

In this episode of “End Of Day Drinks,” VinePair’s editorial team is joined by Dan Aykroyd, comedian, actor, and owner of Crystal Head Vodka. Listeners may know Aykroyd from his award-winning films such as “Ghostbusters,” “The Blues Brothers,” and “Trading Places.” He was also one of the original cast members of “Saturday Night Live.” Apart from these ventures, Dan Aykroyd has also made a lot of noise in the beverage alcohol industry, most notably with his creation of Crystal Head Vodka.

Listeners will get a glimpse into Aykroyd’s pivot from Hollywood stardom to beverage alcohol entrepreneurship — starting with a tequila tasting that he calls a “revelation.” Aykroyd also explains Crystal Head Vodka’s forward-thinking style, starting with his decision to remove all additives from the product. Finally, listeners will learn about the mythos of the crystal head and why Aykroyd chose it as the shape of the bottle.

Tune in to learn more about Aykroyd and his leading premium vodka brand.

Listen online

Listen on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify

Or check out the conversation here

Tim McKirdy: Hey, everybody, this is Tim McKirdy, staff writer at VinePair, and welcome to the “EOD Drinks” podcast. Joining us for today’s episode, we have an award-winning actor, producer, comedian, and owner of Crystal Head Vodka, among other boozy ventures: Dan Aykroyd. Welcome to the show.

Dan Aykroyd: Oh, good. Good to be on. Good to be with your listeners and with all of you today.

T: Thanks so much for joining us. As always, I’m pleased to be joined by some colleagues from the editorial team at VinePair. Today, we have Joanna Sciarrino, Cat Wolinski, Katie Brown, and Keith Beavers. Hey, everybody.

All: Hello!

D: Wow, what a panel. I wonder what you have in front of you right there. I’ve got a mini-Head going. But I just love that your thing is just educating people about beverage alcohol brands, and exciting new breakthroughs for the consumer. You guys make it accessible. I was in the wine business for a while, and I got into it through Niagara. That was 12 years ago, and the grapes were very young. The Niagara grapes. Now, they’re approaching those 60, 70 years old. There are some really incredible Niagara reds coming out of that region. Not as fruity as when I was into it. People come to me and they say, “I’m going out to a restaurant. I want to order red wine.” Well, I say “anything that’s got a saint in it.” St.-Julien. I say anything that has an x. Bordeaux, Margaux, you just can’t go wrong. We see these years being slammed all the time. This year was bad or that year is bad. I don’t know, man. I think that you can drink a Bordeaux right now that’s not even 10 years old from Brane-Cantenac Margaux or one of these great red wines from France. If you let them go too long, they get bad, a lot of them. I drink them if they’re eight, nine, 10 years old. I don’t save them anymore. I drink the nice reds coming out of France. Then, Washington State, wow. The Walla Walla reds, and the Cabernets.

T: Some great wine up there.

D: It’s exciting. I learn as I go and whatever my taste or palate that I had left after years of whatever, maybe other substances. When I order a Walla Walla or a Columbia Valley Wine, I’m always pleased. The prices are good on those in restaurants. Well, if restaurants will continue to exist.

T: I’m very happy you are able to share your drinking advice or red wine-buying advice with our listeners, Dan. Anything with a saint or an x, that definitely beats the second on the list.

D: There are all kinds of incredible restaurants and vintners in the world now that are in partnership. I love Diamond Creek out of California. Al Brounstein was the founder. His wife, Boots, I think took it over if she’s still with us alongside his kids. Very limited production, I’m sure you’ve heard of it. Keith, you’re the wine guy, right?

T: Keith is the wine guy.

D: Well, you’ve heard of Diamond Creek?

Keith Beavers: Yes, and I love that you’re talking about Niagara. Oh, my gosh, the Pinot Noir coming out of there is incredible. It’s an amazing place.

D: It was a little spotty when I was starting out, but I did it because I wanted to help Ontario’s industry. I wanted to lend my name to Ontario’s industry. The distributor that I brought Patrón into Canada for was a wine company. I said, “Well, let’s swing in and try to make some neat wines.” We actually did for a while. Now I’ve let that lapse because they’re focusing on other things, but I’d like to revive it. I know exactly the type of wine I would like to put a label on. DeLoach Vineyards built me an American wine that was wonderful. It had Grenache in it, peppery flavors, and wow, it was fine. And of course, that’s Jean-Charles Boisset who many of you met. He and I partnered, but I guess the agency wasn’t right. There weren’t enough salespeople out there to get it going, but wow, we put up some quality white Chardonnay and a beautiful Cabernet there from DeLoach.

K: Spicy Grenache, you’re talking to my heart right now.

D: With a burger! I order the wine first and then I complement the wine with the food. Now, people may have it the other way sometimes. You order the food and then ask what wine would be good with it. Now I say, “What food would go well with this wine?” That’s how I started along with many who drink moderately and enjoy wine.

T: More sound wine-buying advice there from Dan Aykroyd. These are all things that I love to get into, especially the wine side. I wonder if I can take us on a quick detour before that, though, Dan. I was really hoping we could start out by looking at Crystal Head. You launched Crystal Head over a decade ago now. That’s a time when very few of your Hollywood colleagues were getting into the booze industry. You also went down the vodka road instead of tequila, but earlier you alluded to the fact that you have some business interest with Patrón and tequila. I’d love to hear about that and how you got your start in booze alongside Hollywood?

D: Well, you know, it just comes from a simple musing on an afternoon in the summer, in August, down at the dock by the lake. Canadians love their cottages. Down to the dock by the lake, I’m looking at the two dominant brands of tequila sold in Canada at that time. I’m looking at my Margarita jar with my mix and going, “Oh boy, I wish I had something better to work with.” I recall a time in L.A. with John Paul Dejoria, the great entrepreneur who founded Paul Mitchell Hair Systems and also the Patrón Spirits Company, and we were drinking at the House of Blues. He was one of our first investors. He said, “Would you like to try this Patrón tequila?” I said, “Well, I don’t really have too much of a good record with tequila.” It’s the technicolor mule in the back of a yard in Tijuana. That’s my association with it at that time. Then, he said, “no, no, this is different. This is sipping tequila, it’s magnificent.” He poured me a warm shot of the Patrón Silver. I sniffed it and I thought, “Whoa, earth. Nice.” Then, I sipped it, and it was a revelation to me. It was tequila as I’d never seen it before, a premium tequila. I never knew, living in Canada, that such a thing was possible. We only had two brands to work with. I recalled back on that summer’s day and said “Wow, what if I could get Patrón up in Canada to make a better Margarita here for this party on the dock?” The next time I saw J.P., I said, “I really would like to bring Patrón into the little village government liquor store up here. How can I do it?” He said, “Well, Dan, you’d have to bring it to the whole country.” We both agreed to do it. In partnership, J.P., myself, and David Brown, another ex-mailman. We brought Patrón to Canada 12 years ago and it is now one of the dominant luxury brands in the country. Canadians can now enjoy what Americans did all along with fine tequila. We made it a great success right up to the point where Bacardi bought it. I’m no longer involved in it, but I’ll always be a friend to Patrón because of its quality and that silver, smoky, lovely flavor. That’s really how I got into booze, by wanting something better. That led me to research, exploring, and improving another category. That was the vodka category. I opened a lot of vodkas, and they smelled like Chanel No. 10. Or they didn’t have a taste or a flavor. Or they were harsh and had an over-viscosity. I thought, what’s going on here? Why? Why can’t we get an old-fashioned, pure, clean-water vodka? Well, I came to find out that a lot of glycerol is added. Glycerol is added to a lot of alcoholic products, but not enough to hurt or kill you. Laminine is added to vodka to disguise the alcohol smell and taste to mask it. Then, they added sugar to a lot of the brands. I thought, well, what if we eliminated all of these fusel oils? Fusel oils are the industry name for these additives. German fusel. We eliminated the glycerol in the Crystal Head corn mash. We eliminated the laminine in the Crystal Head corn mash. We eliminated the sugar in the Crystal Head corn mash. You don’t need any more sugar when you’ve got ethyl alcohol corn, C2H5O6 sugars. Laminine has a cousin as a caustic cleanser. You could take pure laminine and cut through mechanics’ grease with it. Then, glycerol is a cousin to ethylene glycol, which cooled the spitfires in World War II. It’s antifreeze. I thought they didn’t put enough to kill you. It’s been done for years, it’s industry standard. Let’s change the industry. Let’s come up with a pure spirit. Let’s not put the additives in. Let’s not add these things. Right out of the gate, the tastes were great, we went to the purest water source in North America, Newfoundland, Canada. We source the water there because you see original water from the aquifer of the Wisconsin glacier that sat 800 feet above us 16,000 years ago. There was ice all over this part of the world. Then, that just melted into the porous rock into the province of Newfoundland. It sits 900 feet above the ocean, away from the eerie plume of pollution. That water has never been touched by acid rain. It sits in an aquifer in these lakes underneath the province of Newfoundland. There is a still right above it, and it’s owned by the provincial government. Not only does Crystal Head have no additives in it but also has the purest water in the world right from the aquifer that was originally the ice over our planet at that time. It’s also manufactured by the province of Newfoundland Labrador Liquor Distillery Corporation. It’s a government manufacturer. With Baltic vodkas, you go into those stills, and it’s a little rough. However, the government manufacturer guarantees us a policing of quality that’s quite outstanding. Today, Crystal Head has won numerous awards for taste, and our vodkas are in about 80 countries. I’m proud to go around the world and say it’s a Canadian product, from a country that is tolerant. We have our pride bottle. We celebrate the LGBTQ+ community frequently. We had the same-gender preference marriage long ago in Canada. We are a Canadian company, and we espouse Canadian values, quality, and dependability for the consumer. The best water with the best manufacturer. The corn comes from Chatham, Ontario, from same-system corn farming. Now, no one in the world works as hard as I do to make this vodka. We grab the corn, take it to the same farming system, with the peaches and cream corn, the big, fat kernels there. We harvest them. They go into the mash truck. The truck then drives a fifth of the way across Canada to a nine-hour ferry ride to Newfoundland, where we mix it with the water in the distillery. Then it goes out into containers, and into the world from there. We’re going to great trouble to make it.

T: I’m glad that you went to some length there to share the process with us. You also mentioned accolades. Crystal Head is a vodka that we’ve long enjoyed at VinePair. You can check it in the reviews, in the roundups. What I always say to people as well is that you have this amazing-looking bottle, but don’t look past what’s inside it as well. Can you also tell us about the bottle? Obviously, it is very striking and definitely sets you apart on the liquor shelf.

D: Well, it does. Of course, being that we wanted to have a business that sustains, we had to put a quality fluid in it. One that people will enjoy and look past the bottle to drink it. Many bottles are still around the world. I have 200 of them in my barn here in Canada because of the parties I’ve had over the years. I don’t throw them away. We wanted to sell the idea of enlightened drinking and to have a drink that doesn’t have additives, which is very popular with bar chefs. Crystal Head is the virgin slate, it’s a blank canvas in which to do mixes. As you know. You guys are mixologists, you know bar chefs, and you know what is going into vodka. We’ve got one that is high-quality with no additives and pure. We wanted to sell the idea and the mythos of purity. With the myth of the crystal heads, we wanted to utilize that myth because they were enlightening the tribes that own them. The Anasazi, the Navajo, the Aztec, and the Mayans all purportedly had these star children’s heads or crystal heads that were used as scrying devices. There was a positive aspect and a positive myth. A myth of purity and power to these heads owned by these various aboriginal indigenous tribal bands around the planet — in legend anyway. I thought that this is the perfect vessel to put our stripped-down, zero-additives, pure fluid in. Let’s take the mythos of purity and put it into the bottle. Now, you’ve got an award-winning fluid with no junk in it. The crystal heads, you saw the “Indiana Jones” movie, they were ascribed to extraterrestrial origin. The Navajo said they’re from the star children. In the movie, they certainly take advantage of that myth of the heads being from another planet. There were 13 of them in the world that were known, and five out of the eight are in the hands of mankind, and five are missing. Three of them are in museums, one at the V&A in London and two in the Smithsonian. One was found in the Yucatan; that’s the most popular and famous one, the Mitchell Hedges skull. Mitchell Hedges was the granddaughter of an explorer. They were in Central America and found this head wrapped in an oilcloth. She reached into a hole in a cave and found it. It had a detachable jaw. It was beautiful. It had so-called healing powers. People who would see it, the velvet cape would come off it, and you’d get an immediate feeling of wellbeing and warmth in the belly just by looking at it. It was very beautiful to look at. You can get pictures of it. The Mitchell Hedges skull. People can look it up on any search engine and dig up a picture of it. It sat here in Ontario for a long time. There is one in Mexico City with a cross stuck right on the top of it. Were they ancient or were they made by man? Either way, they are beautiful to look at. For my purposes, it was the perfect sales legend to sell our quality story by tying into the mythos of purity that the skulls had in legend. It worked well for us.

Cat Wolinski: Dan, this is Cat. I am following up on your story about the myth of purity and alcohol. I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the brands that are marketing themselves as better-for-you, “healthy” beer, spirits, wine, etc.

D: I think organic is a movement that is not doing too much harm to the consumer. I think we’re an organic product. It’s up to the consumer to be discriminating and to decide whether something is better for them or not. Is it better to have a drink that has 100 calories? With Crystal Head, we have 65 calories. We don’t say we’re better for your health in our marketing, but I think that you have to trust the consumer to believe stories or not. Certainly, we say we’re pure, and you can run our product on a spectrograph. It will run completely flat. There are no impurities in it because of our filtration system. If you want a vodka that doesn’t have a cousin to antifreeze it in or a caustic cleanser, then maybe it is better for you to have vodka, like Crystal Head, that doesn’t have that stuff. Look at all the stuff you’re adding today to vodka and mixes. I don’t know Pernod, vermouth, Fernet-Branca, emulsified sugars, Bloody Caesars. Our bar chefs around the world love our Aurora bottle. That’s the one with the mirror finish. That’s a wheat vodka that comes out of Yorkshire, England. Very soft, sunset wheat. A little more spice to it than the corn. The corn’s notes are sweet vanilla, dry and crisp. And the other one is star anise and peppercorn. Then we have our new expression, which is quite exciting because the whole legend, as you’ve taken me through here today of where we got started with my partners and myself, is the tequila. We now build a vodka that is vodka-style distillation, but we use the Blue Weber agave. This is in the black head, the Onyx. This is taking a vodka treatment of distillation and filtration, then making it from the Blue Weber agave mash. It is a big hit because of its floral, earthy, long finish when you’re tasting it. It’s like nothing I’ve ever had. It’s almost like a white whiskey with tequila.

T: Can you try to describe that? Say you were giving someone the elevator pitch. It’s tequila made in the vodka way, but how would you describe it?

D: I would say it’s like a beautiful, white whiskey. If you were to close your eyes, is it brown or white? You wouldn’t know but you get the taste of tequila. You would think this tastes like tequila, but it’s not as overpowering as some tequilas can be. There’s a softness to it.

T: I believe it serves as an intro to tequila. The way that I’ve described it to people is maybe you didn’t have a good experience with tequila before. A lot of people didn’t in college. People may want to take a little step before you dive into that category again. Maybe you should try this. Yet, I definitely think it stands on its own as a unique product. It’s super interesting.

D: It crosses vodka and tequila grounds a bit. There are some notes that have been written about white pepper, citrus. I mean, you can have notes on anything like a hint of baby diaper with a burnt tire. Notes can get into some heavy pretensions when you get to some of the critics. However, I would say earthy. It’s just something that’s never been done, and people are loving it. It’s never been done to take Blue Weber agave and then adjust the temperature and distillation so you can get a vodka-style treatment on it.

Katie Brown: So that leads into my question. I’ve been curious, with that specific spirit, do you drink it as if it’s a tequila? Would you put it in a Margarita? Or do you use it for classic vodka cocktails, like a Martini? What’s your favorite way to drink it?

D: You can drink it as a traditional vodka. You can drink it as a tequila. Either way, it crosses both lines there and serves in a Margarita beautifully. Of course, as a Martini, there’s no taste like it, if it’s cold and shaken with a lemon peel.

T: That’s your preferred serve on the Martini?

D: I like it shaken. I like to hear a steward on the Long Island Rail Road with white gloves in the bar car, shaking, shaking, shaking as the tracks click, click, click by. Then, I’m coming to my seat as I’ve got my Wall Street Journal folded into a single column. I can get a drink from that steward, handed to me in a tumbler, a vodka Martini, shaken with ice, with lime or olives, maybe a hint of white vermouth, throw it out. That’s the 1954 Long Island Rail Road  Bar Car Martini. In 1954, you’re a Madison Avenue executive going in from New Rochelle into the city. You sit there with your Wall Street Journal folded into a single column at 10:30 in the morning. Get a Martini. That’s the dream way to have a Martini. I like a rinse of fine white vermouth, throw the rinse out and shake it, put it up in a Martini glass with ice chips and a lemon peel or olives. I do like the vodka that way. Now, the other way I like the Aurora, the Onyx, or the Original, is to put it in a tumbler with ice and pour about two and a half, three ounces, and then I take a freshly squeezed jug of clementine or fine citrus. I pour that orange juice in very slowly. It’s important to do this, because somehow it makes a difference. Treat it as if you’re cracking the yolk of an egg. You pour it very slow while you watch the yellow emulsify and go out through the vodka, and the color changes. Then, just a quick stir. That’s the Crystal Driver. That’s the best Screwdriver I’ve ever had.

However, I love to have people experiment. I love going and visiting bars. We sold gallons of our Crystal Heads there in Vegas with a white Cosmo at a few of the casinos. It’s basically white cranberry juice with egg white. I forgot what casino it was, but they had some great formulations there. We also got a bar in the Boystown district of Chicago that has a machine downstairs. They put the bottles in, and it serves out a punch on Sunday. They have these massive Sunday brunches in Boystown where you can go get food and drink and dance and watch old movies and karaoke. It’s the fun-est thing. One of the clubs there has this dispenser downstairs, and there’s basically a tap where you can get Crystal Head punch. I love that application. They are mixing a fruit punch, like a Hawaiian Punch type of treatment.

K: That sounds amazing. I want to go there now.

T: I’m enjoying the way that you’re describing making cocktails to us. I’m wondering whether you could ever do an audio cocktail recipe book.

D: If you get on the World Wide Web, crystalhead.com, we’ve got our professional bar chef. We were playing around with some recipes there, you can go to our cocktail section. We actually have professionals doing it, and I like to watch and drink. You can get on there and see what we’re doing with the recipes that we’ve gotten from around the world. We have a Startender program worldwide. Bar chefs from around the world submit recipes to us, we select them and award prizes sometimes where it’s legal. Our Startender program is very popular. The gateway to the consumer for any beverage alcohol is the bar chef on the front line. They love talking about the Crystal Head. It’s the only one you can throw up in the air or put on your shoulder and do voices with. It’s fun and easy. It’s a safe product. The seal, of course, is very safe. It’s just a high-quality, premium Canadian entry into the industry that I’m happy to say people worldwide are loving.

T: That is a nice segue because you’ve mentioned a couple of pretty good drinking cities already on the pod. I wanted to get your opinion when we’re all able to travel again, what is the best city in the world to go to for a drink and for cocktails?

D: London, England. Hands down.

K: Home of the Vesper.

D: London has molecular bar chefs there. They’re really into construction and they love the Head because of the no additives. One of our largest markets is the City of London. I would say next, you want to be looking at Sydney, Australia.

T: I hear that, too. And there’s a lot of crossover between Sydney and London. I used to work as a chef for many years in London, and we got a ton of chefs from Sydney. I want to say that London made Sydney good. That’s what I’m getting at here.

D: In Melbourne, there’s a famous cocktail bar down in an alley there. Melbourne, Australia, is also a great city for bar chefs and recipes. Toronto, Ontario. Can’t ignore that place where great people are doing stuff there.

T: You’re missing New York! Dan, you’re speaking to a couple of people based in New York, and you’re not bringing up the best drinking city in the world.

D: New York needs a little more sophistication. They need to embrace the Crystal Head, the no-additive story a little more before I talk about New York.

T: Well, sometimes bartenders do occasionally, and I don’t want comments at this, but move away from vodka. I don’t think that’s always fair.

D: Here’s my argument there, and I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s the notion of “Oh, everybody has vodka. Brown spirits are where we’ve got to focus or the rums, gins of the world.” Now, there’s some great gins, don’t get me wrong. There are great rums and whiskeys but every bar of quality, if you’re going to be serving your customer, why not serve a premium vodka? Every bar needs vodka. You need it on the back shelf. Why not have the Head on your back shelf? It draws attention to your bar, it’s a beautiful art piece, and provides the consumer with a 90-plus point consistent rating. Also with quality, it’s only about $1.32 more a shot if you price it competitively. Now, I say to bar chefs out there who are doing wonderful things with whiskeys, brown spirits, rums, and gins that you need vodka. You’re doing these wonderful things, you’re purveying these quality drinks to your consumer and for the one or two or three or 100 people that want vodka, Crystal Head is your non-additive choice. Put it up there with your premium stock, and it’s only $1.32 a shot more if you price it right.

T: New York City bar chefs, you heard.

D: I have great friends in New York. The W Hotel has been great to us for many years. However, I think there are more people that need to embrace the story. I think I need to blow through there on a tour in the “Headmobile.” We might be cranking it up again because Onyx is growing at a beautiful rate for us and we may get on the wave of that. Yes, it was a Freightliner tractor that is used for hauling race cars around. It was a big cat tractor. It was wonderful on the highway. With that turbo, it was a beautiful sound. I drove it many times. It lit up at night. We had a red infrared choice at night. It was like the Star Trek cruiser there, and it had an apartment on the back. It really moved. You could do about 90 in it because it had nothing in the back and we painted it up like a delivery truck. We had the Crystal Head all over it, and we went all over when we were launching. Even in New York, we need to revive the Head and go out there to educate bar chefs that are missing it. We want to let them know that there is a choice out there for premium vodka that is superior to some of the lesser stock that the consumer is being forced to consume because of a lack of knowledge.

K: I can see that vehicle pulling up to a speakeasy, like, “Oh, well, I guess we know where the speakeasy is now”.

D: Sure, even at a biker bar, a dance club, or anywhere there are people, you’ll find Crystal Head, along with people having a good time. I will also say that anywhere I am with people consuming Crystal Head, there will be treats. I will buy rounds. I put my money where my product is. Now, we don’t go down to the spring break. We’re not pushing it on the youth; we never have. Our consumer range is 25 to 85, with a huge female demographic. A lot of our consumers, both male and female, have double college degrees. They’re very knowledgeable in that way. Many are in the tech professions or design, we found in our surveys. They have the discretionary income to buy something better, an affordable luxury for themselves, which is Crystal Head. We’re not going down to spring break with the Head machines and the pipes with the guzzling youngsters. That is something we’ve never chased. If you happen to be down on spring break and you go to a bar and Crystal Head is there, then I urge it. I don’t think you’ll ever see it being consumed from the Headmobile on a beach on spring break. We’re selling to the people who are halfway through college or finished.

T: What is the name of your fans? I heard you say head machine there. I’m guessing that’s not the name of Crystal Head fans.

D: I would say, the fans are “Head-heads.” If you’re a Head-head, that works. Again, we’ve got people that are discriminating so they want something better and are willing to pay a little more for it. Why not? We have impeccable water sources. In some of the other vodkas, the water has been called into question — specifically, the hygiene of the factory. But we have a beautiful filtration system. We have seven filtrations, micron, and charcoal with an agitated charcoal filtration system. It’s not just being poured through like a charcoal sieve. In the end, we pour through Herkimer Diamonds. There are semi-precious stones that are white double-sided semi-precious crystals, and we pour the final pour through a cone of them, and it just comes out so satiny and lovely. It does add something! I don’t know if you ask the high school chemistry teacher if you were to say, “What does pouring a C2H5O6 over double-sided crystals do for the beverage?” They probably would say, “scientifically, maybe not much,” but we’ve done tests where we pour over the crystals, and people like it poured over the crystals better. The last vestiges of any negative psychic energy on the planet are coming out because some of those crystals turn yellow, and that’s surprising. We have to sometimes turn them over or buy new ones. By the time that fluid hits those crystals, it’s already flat pure. I don’t know what else is being weaned out of there, but we do have the world’s purest vodka. I can definitely say that. I don’t think anybody’s doing it without the oils today. I may be wrong, I don’t know.

K: Well, it sounds amazing. I want to go on a train right now and order a Martini.

D: They outlawed it! The Long Island Rail Road outlawed it. Now, you can still get vodka on Amtrak. Now, on Canadian National Rail, you can get Crystal Head, I believe. We had a program running so that you could get it on the cross-country Canadian railroad. However, the commuting Wall Street advertising man can no longer get a Martini on the Long Island Rail Road as of three or four years ago. A tragedy.

T: Indeed. Dan, I would urge people to go out there and taste the difference for themselves, taste the effect of the crystal. See the proof in the pudding or the proof in the Head. Just wanted to say, thank you so much for spending the time today to talk with us. I feel there are two or three more episodes of stuff we need to get into. But I appreciate your time today, and thanks from all of us! It’s been great chatting.

D: Oh, sure! We’ve got some great beers and wines up in Canada. I encourage you to come when the borders are open. Come up to Niagara to the farm, and we’ll sit and have some T-bones or vegetarian meals. The daughters are all vegetarian. We eat and drink hearty here at the lake in the summer. If you’re passing through, you can get through KLG Public Relations to set this up. By all means to any and all of you, if you’re in the Kingston, Ontario, region, which is a beautiful lakeside town up here where the Cork Regatta is held. It’s a sailing regatta, the home of Royal Military College, which is our equivalent of West Point or Sandringham military school. Queen’s University is here where the brilliant, inspiring genius of our age, Elon Musk, went to school here at Queen’s University for two years. This is a devoted town to his legend, and if you’re up here, come up to the farm. By all means, we entertain heavily and heartily in the summer.

K: Definitely coming up.

Joanna Sciarrino: Maybe you could bring the Head-mobile to our New York office.

D: For sure. That would look good!

K: Going 90 down the Hutch. It’s going to be awesome.

D: Well, thank you, guys. Great to talk to you.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of “EOD Drinks.” If you’ve enjoyed this program, please leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts. It really helps other people discover the show. And tell your friends. We want as many people as possible listening to this amazing program.

And now for the credits. “End of Day Drinks” is recorded live in New York City at VinePair’s headquarters. And it is produced, edited, and engineered by VinePair tastings director, yes, he wears a lot of hats, Keith Beavers. I also want to give a special thanks to VinePair’s co-founder, Josh Malin, to the executive editor Joanna Sciarrino, to our senior editor, Cat Wolinski, senior staff writer Tim McKirdy, and our associate editor Katie Brown. And a special shout-out to Danielle Grinberg, VinePair’s art director who designed the sick logo for this program. The music for “End of Day Drinks” was produced, written, and recorded by Darby Cici. I’m VinePair co-founder Adam Teeter, and we’ll see you next week. Thanks a lot.

The article EOD Drinks with Dan Aykroyd appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/eod-drinks-dan-aykroyd-crystal-head-vodka/

[johnboothus]

EOD Drinks with Dan Aykroyd

In this episode of “End Of Day Drinks,” VinePair’s editorial team is joined by Dan Aykroyd, comedian, actor, and owner of Crystal Head Vodka. Listeners may know Aykroyd from his award-winning films such as “Ghostbusters,” “The Blues Brothers,” and “Trading Places.” He was also one of the original cast members of “Saturday Night Live.” Apart from these ventures, Dan Aykroyd has also made a lot of noise in the beverage alcohol industry, most notably with his creation of Crystal Head Vodka.

Listeners will get a glimpse into Aykroyd’s pivot from Hollywood stardom to beverage alcohol entrepreneurship — starting with a tequila tasting that he calls a “revelation.” Aykroyd also explains Crystal Head Vodka’s forward-thinking style, starting with his decision to remove all additives from the product. Finally, listeners will learn about the mythos of the crystal head and why Aykroyd chose it as the shape of the bottle.

Tune in to learn more about Aykroyd and his leading premium vodka brand.

Listen online

Listen on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify

Or check out the conversation here

Tim McKirdy: Hey, everybody, this is Tim McKirdy, staff writer at VinePair, and welcome to the “EOD Drinks” podcast. Joining us for today’s episode, we have an award-winning actor, producer, comedian, and owner of Crystal Head Vodka, among other boozy ventures: Dan Aykroyd. Welcome to the show.

Dan Aykroyd: Oh, good. Good to be on. Good to be with your listeners and with all of you today.

T: Thanks so much for joining us. As always, I’m pleased to be joined by some colleagues from the editorial team at VinePair. Today, we have Joanna Sciarrino, Cat Wolinski, Katie Brown, and Keith Beavers. Hey, everybody.

All: Hello!

D: Wow, what a panel. I wonder what you have in front of you right there. I’ve got a mini-Head going. But I just love that your thing is just educating people about beverage alcohol brands, and exciting new breakthroughs for the consumer. You guys make it accessible. I was in the wine business for a while, and I got into it through Niagara. That was 12 years ago, and the grapes were very young. The Niagara grapes. Now, they’re approaching those 60, 70 years old. There are some really incredible Niagara reds coming out of that region. Not as fruity as when I was into it. People come to me and they say, “I’m going out to a restaurant. I want to order red wine.” Well, I say “anything that’s got a saint in it.” St.-Julien. I say anything that has an x. Bordeaux, Margaux, you just can’t go wrong. We see these years being slammed all the time. This year was bad or that year is bad. I don’t know, man. I think that you can drink a Bordeaux right now that’s not even 10 years old from Brane-Cantenac Margaux or one of these great red wines from France. If you let them go too long, they get bad, a lot of them. I drink them if they’re eight, nine, 10 years old. I don’t save them anymore. I drink the nice reds coming out of France. Then, Washington State, wow. The Walla Walla reds, and the Cabernets.

T: Some great wine up there.

D: It’s exciting. I learn as I go and whatever my taste or palate that I had left after years of whatever, maybe other substances. When I order a Walla Walla or a Columbia Valley Wine, I’m always pleased. The prices are good on those in restaurants. Well, if restaurants will continue to exist.

T: I’m very happy you are able to share your drinking advice or red wine-buying advice with our listeners, Dan. Anything with a saint or an x, that definitely beats the second on the list.

D: There are all kinds of incredible restaurants and vintners in the world now that are in partnership. I love Diamond Creek out of California. Al Brounstein was the founder. His wife, Boots, I think took it over if she’s still with us alongside his kids. Very limited production, I’m sure you’ve heard of it. Keith, you’re the wine guy, right?

T: Keith is the wine guy.

D: Well, you’ve heard of Diamond Creek?

Keith Beavers: Yes, and I love that you’re talking about Niagara. Oh, my gosh, the Pinot Noir coming out of there is incredible. It’s an amazing place.

D: It was a little spotty when I was starting out, but I did it because I wanted to help Ontario’s industry. I wanted to lend my name to Ontario’s industry. The distributor that I brought Patrón into Canada for was a wine company. I said, “Well, let’s swing in and try to make some neat wines.” We actually did for a while. Now I’ve let that lapse because they’re focusing on other things, but I’d like to revive it. I know exactly the type of wine I would like to put a label on. DeLoach Vineyards built me an American wine that was wonderful. It had Grenache in it, peppery flavors, and wow, it was fine. And of course, that’s Jean-Charles Boisset who many of you met. He and I partnered, but I guess the agency wasn’t right. There weren’t enough salespeople out there to get it going, but wow, we put up some quality white Chardonnay and a beautiful Cabernet there from DeLoach.

K: Spicy Grenache, you’re talking to my heart right now.

D: With a burger! I order the wine first and then I complement the wine with the food. Now, people may have it the other way sometimes. You order the food and then ask what wine would be good with it. Now I say, “What food would go well with this wine?” That’s how I started along with many who drink moderately and enjoy wine.

T: More sound wine-buying advice there from Dan Aykroyd. These are all things that I love to get into, especially the wine side. I wonder if I can take us on a quick detour before that, though, Dan. I was really hoping we could start out by looking at Crystal Head. You launched Crystal Head over a decade ago now. That’s a time when very few of your Hollywood colleagues were getting into the booze industry. You also went down the vodka road instead of tequila, but earlier you alluded to the fact that you have some business interest with Patrón and tequila. I’d love to hear about that and how you got your start in booze alongside Hollywood?

D: Well, you know, it just comes from a simple musing on an afternoon in the summer, in August, down at the dock by the lake. Canadians love their cottages. Down to the dock by the lake, I’m looking at the two dominant brands of tequila sold in Canada at that time. I’m looking at my Margarita jar with my mix and going, “Oh boy, I wish I had something better to work with.” I recall a time in L.A. with John Paul Dejoria, the great entrepreneur who founded Paul Mitchell Hair Systems and also the Patrón Spirits Company, and we were drinking at the House of Blues. He was one of our first investors. He said, “Would you like to try this Patrón tequila?” I said, “Well, I don’t really have too much of a good record with tequila.” It’s the technicolor mule in the back of a yard in Tijuana. That’s my association with it at that time. Then, he said, “no, no, this is different. This is sipping tequila, it’s magnificent.” He poured me a warm shot of the Patrón Silver. I sniffed it and I thought, “Whoa, earth. Nice.” Then, I sipped it, and it was a revelation to me. It was tequila as I’d never seen it before, a premium tequila. I never knew, living in Canada, that such a thing was possible. We only had two brands to work with. I recalled back on that summer’s day and said “Wow, what if I could get Patrón up in Canada to make a better Margarita here for this party on the dock?” The next time I saw J.P., I said, “I really would like to bring Patrón into the little village government liquor store up here. How can I do it?” He said, “Well, Dan, you’d have to bring it to the whole country.” We both agreed to do it. In partnership, J.P., myself, and David Brown, another ex-mailman. We brought Patrón to Canada 12 years ago and it is now one of the dominant luxury brands in the country. Canadians can now enjoy what Americans did all along with fine tequila. We made it a great success right up to the point where Bacardi bought it. I’m no longer involved in it, but I’ll always be a friend to Patrón because of its quality and that silver, smoky, lovely flavor. That’s really how I got into booze, by wanting something better. That led me to research, exploring, and improving another category. That was the vodka category. I opened a lot of vodkas, and they smelled like Chanel No. 10. Or they didn’t have a taste or a flavor. Or they were harsh and had an over-viscosity. I thought, what’s going on here? Why? Why can’t we get an old-fashioned, pure, clean-water vodka? Well, I came to find out that a lot of glycerol is added. Glycerol is added to a lot of alcoholic products, but not enough to hurt or kill you. Laminine is added to vodka to disguise the alcohol smell and taste to mask it. Then, they added sugar to a lot of the brands. I thought, well, what if we eliminated all of these fusel oils? Fusel oils are the industry name for these additives. German fusel. We eliminated the glycerol in the Crystal Head corn mash. We eliminated the laminine in the Crystal Head corn mash. We eliminated the sugar in the Crystal Head corn mash. You don’t need any more sugar when you’ve got ethyl alcohol corn, C2H5O6 sugars. Laminine has a cousin as a caustic cleanser. You could take pure laminine and cut through mechanics’ grease with it. Then, glycerol is a cousin to ethylene glycol, which cooled the spitfires in World War II. It’s antifreeze. I thought they didn’t put enough to kill you. It’s been done for years, it’s industry standard. Let’s change the industry. Let’s come up with a pure spirit. Let’s not put the additives in. Let’s not add these things. Right out of the gate, the tastes were great, we went to the purest water source in North America, Newfoundland, Canada. We source the water there because you see original water from the aquifer of the Wisconsin glacier that sat 800 feet above us 16,000 years ago. There was ice all over this part of the world. Then, that just melted into the porous rock into the province of Newfoundland. It sits 900 feet above the ocean, away from the eerie plume of pollution. That water has never been touched by acid rain. It sits in an aquifer in these lakes underneath the province of Newfoundland. There is a still right above it, and it’s owned by the provincial government. Not only does Crystal Head have no additives in it but also has the purest water in the world right from the aquifer that was originally the ice over our planet at that time. It’s also manufactured by the province of Newfoundland Labrador Liquor Distillery Corporation. It’s a government manufacturer. With Baltic vodkas, you go into those stills, and it’s a little rough. However, the government manufacturer guarantees us a policing of quality that’s quite outstanding. Today, Crystal Head has won numerous awards for taste, and our vodkas are in about 80 countries. I’m proud to go around the world and say it’s a Canadian product, from a country that is tolerant. We have our pride bottle. We celebrate the LGBTQ+ community frequently. We had the same-gender preference marriage long ago in Canada. We are a Canadian company, and we espouse Canadian values, quality, and dependability for the consumer. The best water with the best manufacturer. The corn comes from Chatham, Ontario, from same-system corn farming. Now, no one in the world works as hard as I do to make this vodka. We grab the corn, take it to the same farming system, with the peaches and cream corn, the big, fat kernels there. We harvest them. They go into the mash truck. The truck then drives a fifth of the way across Canada to a nine-hour ferry ride to Newfoundland, where we mix it with the water in the distillery. Then it goes out into containers, and into the world from there. We’re going to great trouble to make it.

T: I’m glad that you went to some length there to share the process with us. You also mentioned accolades. Crystal Head is a vodka that we’ve long enjoyed at VinePair. You can check it in the reviews, in the roundups. What I always say to people as well is that you have this amazing-looking bottle, but don’t look past what’s inside it as well. Can you also tell us about the bottle? Obviously, it is very striking and definitely sets you apart on the liquor shelf.

D: Well, it does. Of course, being that we wanted to have a business that sustains, we had to put a quality fluid in it. One that people will enjoy and look past the bottle to drink it. Many bottles are still around the world. I have 200 of them in my barn here in Canada because of the parties I’ve had over the years. I don’t throw them away. We wanted to sell the idea of enlightened drinking and to have a drink that doesn’t have additives, which is very popular with bar chefs. Crystal Head is the virgin slate, it’s a blank canvas in which to do mixes. As you know. You guys are mixologists, you know bar chefs, and you know what is going into vodka. We’ve got one that is high-quality with no additives and pure. We wanted to sell the idea and the mythos of purity. With the myth of the crystal heads, we wanted to utilize that myth because they were enlightening the tribes that own them. The Anasazi, the Navajo, the Aztec, and the Mayans all purportedly had these star children’s heads or crystal heads that were used as scrying devices. There was a positive aspect and a positive myth. A myth of purity and power to these heads owned by these various aboriginal indigenous tribal bands around the planet — in legend anyway. I thought that this is the perfect vessel to put our stripped-down, zero-additives, pure fluid in. Let’s take the mythos of purity and put it into the bottle. Now, you’ve got an award-winning fluid with no junk in it. The crystal heads, you saw the “Indiana Jones” movie, they were ascribed to extraterrestrial origin. The Navajo said they’re from the star children. In the movie, they certainly take advantage of that myth of the heads being from another planet. There were 13 of them in the world that were known, and five out of the eight are in the hands of mankind, and five are missing. Three of them are in museums, one at the V&A in London and two in the Smithsonian. One was found in the Yucatan; that’s the most popular and famous one, the Mitchell Hedges skull. Mitchell Hedges was the granddaughter of an explorer. They were in Central America and found this head wrapped in an oilcloth. She reached into a hole in a cave and found it. It had a detachable jaw. It was beautiful. It had so-called healing powers. People who would see it, the velvet cape would come off it, and you’d get an immediate feeling of wellbeing and warmth in the belly just by looking at it. It was very beautiful to look at. You can get pictures of it. The Mitchell Hedges skull. People can look it up on any search engine and dig up a picture of it. It sat here in Ontario for a long time. There is one in Mexico City with a cross stuck right on the top of it. Were they ancient or were they made by man? Either way, they are beautiful to look at. For my purposes, it was the perfect sales legend to sell our quality story by tying into the mythos of purity that the skulls had in legend. It worked well for us.

Cat Wolinski: Dan, this is Cat. I am following up on your story about the myth of purity and alcohol. I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the brands that are marketing themselves as better-for-you, “healthy” beer, spirits, wine, etc.

D: I think organic is a movement that is not doing too much harm to the consumer. I think we’re an organic product. It’s up to the consumer to be discriminating and to decide whether something is better for them or not. Is it better to have a drink that has 100 calories? With Crystal Head, we have 65 calories. We don’t say we’re better for your health in our marketing, but I think that you have to trust the consumer to believe stories or not. Certainly, we say we’re pure, and you can run our product on a spectrograph. It will run completely flat. There are no impurities in it because of our filtration system. If you want a vodka that doesn’t have a cousin to antifreeze it in or a caustic cleanser, then maybe it is better for you to have vodka, like Crystal Head, that doesn’t have that stuff. Look at all the stuff you’re adding today to vodka and mixes. I don’t know Pernod, vermouth, Fernet-Branca, emulsified sugars, Bloody Caesars. Our bar chefs around the world love our Aurora bottle. That’s the one with the mirror finish. That’s a wheat vodka that comes out of Yorkshire, England. Very soft, sunset wheat. A little more spice to it than the corn. The corn’s notes are sweet vanilla, dry and crisp. And the other one is star anise and peppercorn. Then we have our new expression, which is quite exciting because the whole legend, as you’ve taken me through here today of where we got started with my partners and myself, is the tequila. We now build a vodka that is vodka-style distillation, but we use the Blue Weber agave. This is in the black head, the Onyx. This is taking a vodka treatment of distillation and filtration, then making it from the Blue Weber agave mash. It is a big hit because of its floral, earthy, long finish when you’re tasting it. It’s like nothing I’ve ever had. It’s almost like a white whiskey with tequila.

T: Can you try to describe that? Say you were giving someone the elevator pitch. It’s tequila made in the vodka way, but how would you describe it?

D: I would say it’s like a beautiful, white whiskey. If you were to close your eyes, is it brown or white? You wouldn’t know but you get the taste of tequila. You would think this tastes like tequila, but it’s not as overpowering as some tequilas can be. There’s a softness to it.

T: I believe it serves as an intro to tequila. The way that I’ve described it to people is maybe you didn’t have a good experience with tequila before. A lot of people didn’t in college. People may want to take a little step before you dive into that category again. Maybe you should try this. Yet, I definitely think it stands on its own as a unique product. It’s super interesting.

D: It crosses vodka and tequila grounds a bit. There are some notes that have been written about white pepper, citrus. I mean, you can have notes on anything like a hint of baby diaper with a burnt tire. Notes can get into some heavy pretensions when you get to some of the critics. However, I would say earthy. It’s just something that’s never been done, and people are loving it. It’s never been done to take Blue Weber agave and then adjust the temperature and distillation so you can get a vodka-style treatment on it.

Katie Brown: So that leads into my question. I’ve been curious, with that specific spirit, do you drink it as if it’s a tequila? Would you put it in a Margarita? Or do you use it for classic vodka cocktails, like a Martini? What’s your favorite way to drink it?

D: You can drink it as a traditional vodka. You can drink it as a tequila. Either way, it crosses both lines there and serves in a Margarita beautifully. Of course, as a Martini, there’s no taste like it, if it’s cold and shaken with a lemon peel.

T: That’s your preferred serve on the Martini?

D: I like it shaken. I like to hear a steward on the Long Island Rail Road with white gloves in the bar car, shaking, shaking, shaking as the tracks click, click, click by. Then, I’m coming to my seat as I’ve got my Wall Street Journal folded into a single column. I can get a drink from that steward, handed to me in a tumbler, a vodka Martini, shaken with ice, with lime or olives, maybe a hint of white vermouth, throw it out. That’s the 1954 Long Island Rail Road  Bar Car Martini. In 1954, you’re a Madison Avenue executive going in from New Rochelle into the city. You sit there with your Wall Street Journal folded into a single column at 10:30 in the morning. Get a Martini. That’s the dream way to have a Martini. I like a rinse of fine white vermouth, throw the rinse out and shake it, put it up in a Martini glass with ice chips and a lemon peel or olives. I do like the vodka that way. Now, the other way I like the Aurora, the Onyx, or the Original, is to put it in a tumbler with ice and pour about two and a half, three ounces, and then I take a freshly squeezed jug of clementine or fine citrus. I pour that orange juice in very slowly. It’s important to do this, because somehow it makes a difference. Treat it as if you’re cracking the yolk of an egg. You pour it very slow while you watch the yellow emulsify and go out through the vodka, and the color changes. Then, just a quick stir. That’s the Crystal Driver. That’s the best Screwdriver I’ve ever had.

However, I love to have people experiment. I love going and visiting bars. We sold gallons of our Crystal Heads there in Vegas with a white Cosmo at a few of the casinos. It’s basically white cranberry juice with egg white. I forgot what casino it was, but they had some great formulations there. We also got a bar in the Boystown district of Chicago that has a machine downstairs. They put the bottles in, and it serves out a punch on Sunday. They have these massive Sunday brunches in Boystown where you can go get food and drink and dance and watch old movies and karaoke. It’s the fun-est thing. One of the clubs there has this dispenser downstairs, and there’s basically a tap where you can get Crystal Head punch. I love that application. They are mixing a fruit punch, like a Hawaiian Punch type of treatment.

K: That sounds amazing. I want to go there now.

T: I’m enjoying the way that you’re describing making cocktails to us. I’m wondering whether you could ever do an audio cocktail recipe book.

D: If you get on the World Wide Web, crystalhead.com, we’ve got our professional bar chef. We were playing around with some recipes there, you can go to our cocktail section. We actually have professionals doing it, and I like to watch and drink. You can get on there and see what we’re doing with the recipes that we’ve gotten from around the world. We have a Startender program worldwide. Bar chefs from around the world submit recipes to us, we select them and award prizes sometimes where it’s legal. Our Startender program is very popular. The gateway to the consumer for any beverage alcohol is the bar chef on the front line. They love talking about the Crystal Head. It’s the only one you can throw up in the air or put on your shoulder and do voices with. It’s fun and easy. It’s a safe product. The seal, of course, is very safe. It’s just a high-quality, premium Canadian entry into the industry that I’m happy to say people worldwide are loving.

T: That is a nice segue because you’ve mentioned a couple of pretty good drinking cities already on the pod. I wanted to get your opinion when we’re all able to travel again, what is the best city in the world to go to for a drink and for cocktails?

D: London, England. Hands down.

K: Home of the Vesper.

D: London has molecular bar chefs there. They’re really into construction and they love the Head because of the no additives. One of our largest markets is the City of London. I would say next, you want to be looking at Sydney, Australia.

T: I hear that, too. And there’s a lot of crossover between Sydney and London. I used to work as a chef for many years in London, and we got a ton of chefs from Sydney. I want to say that London made Sydney good. That’s what I’m getting at here.

D: In Melbourne, there’s a famous cocktail bar down in an alley there. Melbourne, Australia, is also a great city for bar chefs and recipes. Toronto, Ontario. Can’t ignore that place where great people are doing stuff there.

T: You’re missing New York! Dan, you’re speaking to a couple of people based in New York, and you’re not bringing up the best drinking city in the world.

D: New York needs a little more sophistication. They need to embrace the Crystal Head, the no-additive story a little more before I talk about New York.

T: Well, sometimes bartenders do occasionally, and I don’t want comments at this, but move away from vodka. I don’t think that’s always fair.

D: Here’s my argument there, and I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s the notion of “Oh, everybody has vodka. Brown spirits are where we’ve got to focus or the rums, gins of the world.” Now, there’s some great gins, don’t get me wrong. There are great rums and whiskeys but every bar of quality, if you’re going to be serving your customer, why not serve a premium vodka? Every bar needs vodka. You need it on the back shelf. Why not have the Head on your back shelf? It draws attention to your bar, it’s a beautiful art piece, and provides the consumer with a 90-plus point consistent rating. Also with quality, it’s only about $1.32 more a shot if you price it competitively. Now, I say to bar chefs out there who are doing wonderful things with whiskeys, brown spirits, rums, and gins that you need vodka. You’re doing these wonderful things, you’re purveying these quality drinks to your consumer and for the one or two or three or 100 people that want vodka, Crystal Head is your non-additive choice. Put it up there with your premium stock, and it’s only $1.32 a shot more if you price it right.

T: New York City bar chefs, you heard.

D: I have great friends in New York. The W Hotel has been great to us for many years. However, I think there are more people that need to embrace the story. I think I need to blow through there on a tour in the “Headmobile.” We might be cranking it up again because Onyx is growing at a beautiful rate for us and we may get on the wave of that. Yes, it was a Freightliner tractor that is used for hauling race cars around. It was a big cat tractor. It was wonderful on the highway. With that turbo, it was a beautiful sound. I drove it many times. It lit up at night. We had a red infrared choice at night. It was like the Star Trek cruiser there, and it had an apartment on the back. It really moved. You could do about 90 in it because it had nothing in the back and we painted it up like a delivery truck. We had the Crystal Head all over it, and we went all over when we were launching. Even in New York, we need to revive the Head and go out there to educate bar chefs that are missing it. We want to let them know that there is a choice out there for premium vodka that is superior to some of the lesser stock that the consumer is being forced to consume because of a lack of knowledge.

K: I can see that vehicle pulling up to a speakeasy, like, “Oh, well, I guess we know where the speakeasy is now”.

D: Sure, even at a biker bar, a dance club, or anywhere there are people, you’ll find Crystal Head, along with people having a good time. I will also say that anywhere I am with people consuming Crystal Head, there will be treats. I will buy rounds. I put my money where my product is. Now, we don’t go down to the spring break. We’re not pushing it on the youth; we never have. Our consumer range is 25 to 85, with a huge female demographic. A lot of our consumers, both male and female, have double college degrees. They’re very knowledgeable in that way. Many are in the tech professions or design, we found in our surveys. They have the discretionary income to buy something better, an affordable luxury for themselves, which is Crystal Head. We’re not going down to spring break with the Head machines and the pipes with the guzzling youngsters. That is something we’ve never chased. If you happen to be down on spring break and you go to a bar and Crystal Head is there, then I urge it. I don’t think you’ll ever see it being consumed from the Headmobile on a beach on spring break. We’re selling to the people who are halfway through college or finished.

T: What is the name of your fans? I heard you say head machine there. I’m guessing that’s not the name of Crystal Head fans.

D: I would say, the fans are “Head-heads.” If you’re a Head-head, that works. Again, we’ve got people that are discriminating so they want something better and are willing to pay a little more for it. Why not? We have impeccable water sources. In some of the other vodkas, the water has been called into question — specifically, the hygiene of the factory. But we have a beautiful filtration system. We have seven filtrations, micron, and charcoal with an agitated charcoal filtration system. It’s not just being poured through like a charcoal sieve. In the end, we pour through Herkimer Diamonds. There are semi-precious stones that are white double-sided semi-precious crystals, and we pour the final pour through a cone of them, and it just comes out so satiny and lovely. It does add something! I don’t know if you ask the high school chemistry teacher if you were to say, “What does pouring a C2H5O6 over double-sided crystals do for the beverage?” They probably would say, “scientifically, maybe not much,” but we’ve done tests where we pour over the crystals, and people like it poured over the crystals better. The last vestiges of any negative psychic energy on the planet are coming out because some of those crystals turn yellow, and that’s surprising. We have to sometimes turn them over or buy new ones. By the time that fluid hits those crystals, it’s already flat pure. I don’t know what else is being weaned out of there, but we do have the world’s purest vodka. I can definitely say that. I don’t think anybody’s doing it without the oils today. I may be wrong, I don’t know.

K: Well, it sounds amazing. I want to go on a train right now and order a Martini.

D: They outlawed it! The Long Island Rail Road outlawed it. Now, you can still get vodka on Amtrak. Now, on Canadian National Rail, you can get Crystal Head, I believe. We had a program running so that you could get it on the cross-country Canadian railroad. However, the commuting Wall Street advertising man can no longer get a Martini on the Long Island Rail Road as of three or four years ago. A tragedy.

T: Indeed. Dan, I would urge people to go out there and taste the difference for themselves, taste the effect of the crystal. See the proof in the pudding or the proof in the Head. Just wanted to say, thank you so much for spending the time today to talk with us. I feel there are two or three more episodes of stuff we need to get into. But I appreciate your time today, and thanks from all of us! It’s been great chatting.

D: Oh, sure! We’ve got some great beers and wines up in Canada. I encourage you to come when the borders are open. Come up to Niagara to the farm, and we’ll sit and have some T-bones or vegetarian meals. The daughters are all vegetarian. We eat and drink hearty here at the lake in the summer. If you’re passing through, you can get through KLG Public Relations to set this up. By all means to any and all of you, if you’re in the Kingston, Ontario, region, which is a beautiful lakeside town up here where the Cork Regatta is held. It’s a sailing regatta, the home of Royal Military College, which is our equivalent of West Point or Sandringham military school. Queen’s University is here where the brilliant, inspiring genius of our age, Elon Musk, went to school here at Queen’s University for two years. This is a devoted town to his legend, and if you’re up here, come up to the farm. By all means, we entertain heavily and heartily in the summer.

K: Definitely coming up.

Joanna Sciarrino: Maybe you could bring the Head-mobile to our New York office.

D: For sure. That would look good!

K: Going 90 down the Hutch. It’s going to be awesome.

D: Well, thank you, guys. Great to talk to you.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of “EOD Drinks.” If you’ve enjoyed this program, please leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts. It really helps other people discover the show. And tell your friends. We want as many people as possible listening to this amazing program.

And now for the credits. “End of Day Drinks” is recorded live in New York City at VinePair’s headquarters. And it is produced, edited, and engineered by VinePair tastings director, yes, he wears a lot of hats, Keith Beavers. I also want to give a special thanks to VinePair’s co-founder, Josh Malin, to the executive editor Joanna Sciarrino, to our senior editor, Cat Wolinski, senior staff writer Tim McKirdy, and our associate editor Katie Brown. And a special shout-out to Danielle Grinberg, VinePair’s art director who designed the sick logo for this program. The music for “End of Day Drinks” was produced, written, and recorded by Darby Cici. I’m VinePair co-founder Adam Teeter, and we’ll see you next week. Thanks a lot.

The article EOD Drinks with Dan Aykroyd appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/eod-drinks-dan-aykroyd-crystal-head-vodka/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/eod-drinks-with-dan-aykroyd

[contrivedcoincidences6]

@alittlemissfit So I actually did both!! (I think these are the right ones but I put these on my list around the time I lost all of my prompts. But these were the only 18 and 4 I had so...) Super fluff!!!! So so so fluffy. 

(no beta so don’t judge me!)

18. "Why didn’t you text me back?”

4. “I baked you a cake.” “I thought that was charcoal …” “I misread the recipe a little bit.”

Scully looked at her phone in frustration as she sat on a bench by the Washington monument. “Dammit Mulder.” She swore under her breath. She decided to wait five more minutes but was still looking at her phone every few seconds. She was finally getting ready to leave her phone rang. Mulder’s icon popped up on her phone and she sighed in frustration. “Mulder where the hell are you?” Scully asked in a voice so controlled that Mulder knew he was in trouble. “Hey Scully…. So I got held up… you know the car- how it’s been stalling out lately? Sorry.” Scully’s brow furrowed at the strange tone in his voice. “Well, why didn’t you text me back? I’ve been waiting here for an hour Mulder!” “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I’ve been waiting for the tow truck and stuff…” Scully squinted again and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Do you need me to come get you?” “NO! No- no it’s fine I already called a cab. You just head on home! I’ll see you there.” Scully sighed, “Okay.” “Hey I’m sorry honey. But we can order something at home. I’ll stop on the way home and pick up a cake it will be nice.” Mulder sounded genuinely sorry. “Alright I’ll see you at home.” Scully slumped her shoulders forward and sighed sadly as she went back to her car. It was her fortieth birthday. She’d spent forty years on planet earth and she was celebrating it by driving out to downtown D.C just to drive right back. They didn’t have any kind of big party planned or anything but she’d at least wanted to have her evening with Mulder. Her mother had taken William and they were going to have a night out for the first time in what felt like forever. Whenever they went out as a family these days they always got the looks that any parent with a toddler knows well. Mulder had asked her to meet at their bench and they would go out from there. It was cool outside but not cold enough to make waiting for him outside unpleasant. Scully sat in the car for a moment and squirmed a little hating herself for wearing her nice underwear tonight when now she was just going to go home and put on sweatpants. The half hour drive home gave her plenty of time to calm down. By the time she got to their property and opened the gate she had resigned herself to a night in. She’d stopped and gotten her favorite wine and a couple rented movies on the way home. A nice night by the fire without a screaming child would still be a change. When she got to the door she found it locked and sighed at the fact that Mulder wasn’t home yet. She took a few steps into the house when the lights turned on and people yelled surprise. Scully was not a fan of surprises. This was something Mulder knew about her but when Mrs. Scully had come to him with the idea and talked about flying her sons and their families Mulder couldn’t help but say yes. Maggie had planned the whole thing with such excitement that Mulder tried to convince himself that Scully wouldn’t be incredibly pissed but when the day came he struggled to not let the cat out of the bag. When he’d awoken that morning the temptation to tell her was strong. A voice inside told him that he might be able to escape her wrath if he her ahead of time but he knew she’d be mad either way. Mulder also knew, however, that the anger would wear off when she saw her brothers and their kids. Charlie’s kids were pretty much adults now and Scully rarely saw them and would get the occasional email but she’d be thrilled to see them here. Bill, while still not a fan of Mulder, was happy to bring his family up to celebrate with Scully. They were careful to park all the cars neatly behind the house, out of sight from Scully’s trained eyes. The older cousins focused their attention on William as soon as they came in and he held them in the palm of his chubby little hand. Bill’s three kids were still too young to find William cute and funny but too old to play with him but they were polite and played a board game quietly while the adults got the party ready. Things were somewhat strained between the brothers because of Charlie’s recent separation from his wife and right after Mulder had gotten off the phone with Scully the two had begun to argue. Maggie shut it down with the speed and strength that only a mother of four possessed. Within a few minutes she had both brothers promising not to start trouble on Scully’s birthday. Charlie’s oldest son, Ben, was on watch and alerted everyone when Scully got to the gate. Charlie’s daughter, June, took William and gave him a sucker to keep him from shouting out to his mother and ruining the surprise. Mulder felt a trickle of sweat down his back as Scully opened the door. But it was too late to turn back. As he suspected she froze in shock and mild horror at seeing so many people in her home and right away her eyes went to him. He could feel her irritation for only a moment until she recognized the people in the room. Covering her face she ran to her brothers, who were now side by side, and she threw her arms around both of their shoulders. “Ma! Mama!” William shouted and scrambled over to her, attaching himself to her leg. Scully laughed as she sniffled back tears and picked up her son. “Hey big boy.” She looked at her brothers and then around at their kids, “I can’t believe you all came for this.” Scully turned to look at Mulder who shrugged and pointed to Maggie, “I can’t take credit. It was all your mom.” Scully walked over to her mother and gave her a one armed hug as William began to tangle his sucker in her hair. Mulder moved over quickly and took the squealing little boy from her hands so that she could remove the sticky treat. Even the sucker in her hair could not get rid of her smile. The night went smoothly after that. Maggie took out the cake that she and Tara had made, Scully opened presents from everyone, and finally they all sat around and talked as the night grew late. Around ten Maggie began to clean up and before eleven the family was getting ready to leave. Both brothers and their families would be in town for the weekend so Scully hugged them knowing she’d see them tomorrow. She gave an extra big hug to her mother and thanked her before noticing that Maggie was holding a small overnight bag in her hand. “Come on Willie, you want to go home with grandma?” Maggie asked happily. William, who had been watching from the sidelines as he played with a truck got up quickly and ran to his grandmother. The little guy understood what going to grandma’s meant: extra treats, more TV time, later bed time, and all around being spoiled rotten. “Say happy birthday to your mommy Will.” Maggie ordered kindly. William wrapped his arms around his mom’s legs, “Happy birday mommy.” Scully patted his back sweetly and ran her hand over his blond head lovingly, “Thank you baby. Have fun with grandma.” As soon as the door shut Mulder had his arms around Scully’s waist and his face buried in her hair. “Don’t think you’re not in trouble just cause it turned out well mister.” She said in mock warning. Mulder nuzzled his nose into her neck, “I baked you a cake.” Scully turned in his arms and gave him a puzzled look. He led her over to the counter where a blackened lump sat, half frosted and forgotten. She’d seen it earlier in the night and had wondered about it. She let out a small laugh and kissed his cheek, “I thought that was charcoal …” “I misread the recipe a little bit.” Mulder shrugged with a smile. “Well it’s the thought that counts. I’m still mad at you though for not telling me. How are you planning on making that up to me?” Scully let him pull her to his chest and she looked up at him with a smile. “Well your mom may have planned the main event but I think I planned a hell of an after party.”

[steamishot]

Mid-November

Wow. It’s been an eventful past two weeks. I feel like I’m still on vacation mode because it’s almost Thanksgiving and then winter break a few weeks after that. Work has been at a steady pace – I have things to do so it’s not totally boring, but it’s not very busy to the point of being stressed out.

The day before Halloween, I came to work half day and then bounced. 10 hour red eye flight to London later, I arrived at noon. I waited for Matt who arrived an hour later from NY. He had just got a haircut, and they didn’t do him good ($5 NY Chinatown haircut), so he wasn’t as attractive when I first met him. He also gained weight from residency and the stress aged him. On my flight, I also got a swollen eyelid. I remember feeling pretty sad on the flight because I didn’t wanna look dumb with a swollen eyelid in my Europe photos lol. I felt it when I woke up from a nap, and immediately asked a flight attendant for some ice. The swelling did go down, but it lasted for another 2 days.

London was pretty fun. I had the impression that the UK has the worst food in the world (lol) but I was pleasantly surprised by the food we had! It could be that we just chose good restaurants (on the fancier/more expensive side). We reached a level of comfort where we farted a lot throughout the trip and pooped freely in front of each other. I was also surprised that our digestive systems were keeping up with all the eating we were doing. Not once did I feel constipated, as I felt in Asia after overeating. We were pooping like 3-4x a day I think lol. Because of the cold, my face started peeling after a few days too.

Before arriving to London, a small concern I had was being an “outsider” because of my American accent, but I think because London is a big multicultural city, I didn’t feel like I was different. I heard plenty of other people with American and non-British accents. I really liked their transportation system, the tube. It was smaller than any other subway I’ve been on. Instead of buying a pass, we were able to use our contactless credit cards as a substitute. It cost about $9.50 for unlimited tube usage per day, which is a bargain imo, given how efficient their system is. I also loved their style – dark and grungy, just like their weather. Their milk tea was surprisingly delicious too.

Amsterdam – our hotel was really nice. Architecture is beautiful. I can understand how my cousins who visited from France seemed unimpressed by LA – our city is not very aesthetically pleasing architecture wise. I ate a space cake and at first thought it was a tourist trap because I didn’t feel anything. But after an hour and a half, it finally hit me. I had a nice high and was giggly/happy.

Matt and I came back to LA, and it was his first time back in LA after 5 months. We spent 6 nights together in Europe, 2 nights in our respective homes, and then 3 nights at his place, 1 night in our respective homes, and the last night at his place. I joked to myself that LDR is like periods of neglect, then periods of smothering. I did feel annoyed with him during some points of our time together and I wasn’t used to the amount of time we had together – I craved for alone time after our trip. I learned that it’s best to just voice it instead of bottling it in, but it’s sometimes hard to when he’s a tired resident and you feel a little sorry for them. It took him like a week and half to return to his old, happy and relaxed self. Traveling isn’t quite relaxing because we’re always on the go. When he got back to LA, he was still extremely tired, and had feet pain from months of being on his feet for long hours without appropriate shoes.

I had 3 meals with his family (his dad is still in China) by his mom’s invitation – Saturday dimsum, Sunday Japanese lunch to celebrate cousin’s birthday, and Tuesday hot pot dinner. His mom also bought me a blouse. It was a coral color and too girly/not my style, and it looked a little cheap lol. It was a nice gesture, but I ended up giving it back to her because it didn’t fit. Matt will be coming back to LA for an interview in Palm Desert in a few weeks, and she was already planning what to cook. Tuesday was their family’s first time going to eat hot pot ever. Their dad is not a fan, and the two boys and mom never really cared for it either. Matt only started eating hot pot (my fav) after I introduced him to it. It made me happy when his 15 year old brother said- I always thought hot pot was not good until today. The whole family (and grandma) all enjoyed the dinner, and the mom said she’ll make hot pot at home (first time) the next time matt’s in town. She extended the invitation to me. By the third meal, I felt more comfortable being around them. Their family is much more academically inclined. His mom and cousin were talking to me about Chinese proverbs and history.

I also met all his close friends on Saturday night. I was intimidated at first, but once I was in the space I was pretty comfortable and was able to talk to them easily (alcohol helped). Another friend brought his white girlfriend out, and it was everyone’s first time meeting her too. I looked through his group chat the next day, because I was curious if they said anything about me lol, and one guy said “Just wanted to say, your gf is very kind. Considerate. Same thing” which got lost in the chat because they’re not very responsive to people’s texts. The next morning I got breakfast with another one of his friends and someone from the night before.

With my past partners (D & J) where I’ve met family/friends, I was never too crazy about the idea. It could be that I’m more social now, an age thing, or that Matt’s friends and family are the type that I mesh well with – but I had a great time with them. They’re lowkey, smart, into yoga, and clean eating (and they’re older, so they’re over the partying phase). Definitely nicer than David’s ratchet friends. I’m thinking about what to gift Matt’s mom for treating me well when I see her next. Feels like I have a mother in law lol.

Another cute thing we did was a “family day”. Months ago, Matt talked about wanting to do a family day like all go to Disneyland together. His mom brought up Venice canals and we ended up going there – mom, grandma, brother, and two cousins after the cousin’s bday lunch. His family’s not really the type to go out and do things together as everyone’s quite busy and they don’t value family time/just hanging out very much. We got a really cute group photo and the mom was in our faces one time taking a photo of us lol. Matt ended up sending the group photo to his dad in China. After all this time with family and friends, I felt integrated. I have a better idea of what my sister in law feels when she hangs out with us. The dynamics do change.

Eating with their family, I thought “man, big and tall boys must be expensive to raise because they just eat so much”.  It was nice to see him interact with his mom and being excited over food. At the restaurant he would ask her “mom can we order this?” like a little boy would, and the two boys (even though both are ~6 ft tall) seemed like little innocent boys to me. The mom also commented that the brother’s new haircut is nice because it makes him look like a teenager. Instead of his past haircut that made him look in his 20s. I always thought the whole looking older than you are was more of an issue with teenage girls, so it was interesting hearing that about a boy. They also walk around in their underwear at home. His mom commented that he needs to watch his weight LOL and told me to help him because he doesn’t listen to her.

On veterans day, we had a relaxing day – pho for breakfast, walk at a park, couples massage (amazing massage for cheap, but uncomfortable at times because I had just eaten), hot yoga at a bougie studio that his friend goes to. By Tuesday night, he returned back to happy and relaxed Matt. He looked younger, happier, his eye bags were gone, he was more attractive also bc he got his hair fixed, and he was more present.

Matt’s mom dropped him off at union station the day he flew out, and she gave him a full frontal hug for the first time. I asked, what’d you do? And he said he gave her a full hug too. In the past, it was like no hug, then side hug. First time full frontal hug.

Now I’m barely settling in and getting into the swing of things. Have to clean up my room/house. Things to look forward to:

Girls night – DIY pizza

Hiking

Simple Plan concert

Thanksgiving/ Friendsgiving potluck

Black Friday shopping - clothes/mattress

Matt coming back for a weekend

NY/Washington DC, Philly

[seniorbrief]

This Was Jackie Kennedy’s Incredible Mark on History

AP/REX/Shutterstock

This article was originally written by Carl Sferrazza Anthony and first appeared in the June 2001 issue of Reader’s Digest.

“I’m sixty-two now, and I’ve been in the public eye for more than thirty years,” Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis told a friend in 1991. “I can’t believe anybody still cares about me or is interested in what I do.” How wrong she was.

When she stepped into our lives, she was just 31, the youngest First Lady of the 20th century. She lived in the White House only from 1961 to 1963, yet re­mained an object of admiration, and even obsession, until the day she died. Part of the fascination with Jackie was due to timing: television exploded as a mass medium at the precise moment she and JFK and their beautiful children became the First Family. We could see them on TV, we loved what we saw, we wanted to see them again. Later, after the assassinations of JFK and RFK, she provided a place to focus the national grief.

She was more, though, than a pretty face on the small screen or the queen in a sad fairy tale. As a modern Supermom, she raised Caro­line and John into exemplary adults, avoiding the potholes many of their cousins hit. Just as feminism ar­rived, she went to work as a book editor, brown-bagging her lunch and sitting in a windowless office until she earned her way up the corpo­rate ladder. She kept on trying at romance, too, marrying Aristotle Onassis and, after he died, settling into a comfortable relationship with financier Maurice Templesman. This spring a tribute to Jackie Ken­nedy— modern American woman­ plus some spectacular clothes she wore in the White House—will be on ex­hibit at New York City’s Metropoli­tan Museum of Art, before traveling to Boston. “It’s an opportunity,” says guest curator Hamish Bowles, “to ex­plore the style and the substance of a woman who defined a generation.” Here, a fresh look at Jackie, and why we still admire her.

Underwood Archives/UIG/REX/Shutterstock

Although she called it Camelot only after JFK’s assassination, Jackie began working on an image for the Administration the moment she and the President moved into the White House. She thought everything through­, especially how things looked.

Take, for instance, the many pho­tographs of the family at play, which appeared in magazines like Life, Look and The Saturday Evening Post. Seem­ingly casual, some of them were in fact professionally lit, and the peo­ple in them styled, made-up and posed. Photographer Richard Ave­don shot a breathtaking series of photographs of Jackie and baby John. The pictures are as crisp and allur­ing as the fashion-magazine covers for which Avedon is best known. “She was aware of what the camera did for the children, and for the fam­ily,” says Jacques Lowe, another pho­tographer who worked with Mrs. Kennedy.

All of her efforts at creating a Kennedy image came together in the 1962 television tour of the White House. One-third of the nation was watching that night—56 million peo­ple. The special, which won Jackie an Emmy Award, displayed her meticulous restoration of the Execu­tive Mansion. But it was the First Lady, not the glorious Empire style of the revitalized Red Room, that riveted the nation. “I remember watching and listening to Mrs. Kennedy more than thinking about the White House,” Barbara Bush later said in an interview. See these rare photos of John and Jackie Kennedy.

Creating Camelot also meant that bad habits were discouraged, at least in public. A lifelong smoker (Marl­boros, Salems), Mrs. Kennedy did her best to veto photos that showed her with a cigarette in hand. Her press policy was “minimum infor­mation given with maximum po­liteness.” Her unavailability, in the end, only heightened her mystique.

Palmieri Tony Machalaba Nick Traina Sal/Penske Media/REX/Shutterstock

“I feel as though I have turned into a piece of public property,” Mrs. Kennedy told an acquaintance in early 1961. During the Presidential campaign the previous summer and autumn, the press and the public focused intently on the young Mrs. Kennedy. And small won­der: no candidate’s wife in living memory had looked so good. The blunt cut of her hair, the clean, sim­ple lines of her brightly colored cloth­ing—American women craved the Jackie Look.

Partly it was the sheer novelty of her. Jackie was a new woman for a new time—the ’60s. She waterskied, she danced the twist, she listened to the bossa nova on her White House hi-fi.

Department stores began using models and drawings in ads that looked like Jackie. A movie maga­zine offered advice on “How to Be Your Town’s Jackie Kennedy,” with penny-wise advice on copying her look. The subject of all this atten­tion left her somewhat bewildered. “What does the way I wear my hair have to do with my husband’s abil­ity to serve as President?” she asked.

The scrutiny became so intense that Jackie realized she needed help from a professional. She turned to New York designer Oleg Cassini, a family friend who had once been one of Hollywood’s top costume designers. As she wrote him, “I re­fuse to have Jack’s Administration plagued by fashion stories of a sen­sational nature—or to be the Marie Antoinette of the 1960s.” Cassini re­called his initial meetings with Mrs. Kennedy, when they worked out what she would wear at her hus­band’s swearing-in:

“She asked me to come meet with her in her Georgetown University Hospital room just days after she gave birth to John], two months be­fore the Inauguration. All the other women [ would be wearing] furs, looking like bears. My concept was to make her look divinely simple­ in a beige coat and hat. She came out, and was instantly distinct.

“Immediately a style was established. It was not a French look, not an American look, but a Jackie Look. She said to me, ‘You dress me per­fectly for the role.’ For the role! And what was the role? First Lady of the country. And First Lady of the world, really, at that moment.”

(You’ll want to steal these 7 timeless fashion tips from Jackie Kennedy.)

CONSOLIDATED NEWS SERVICE/REX/Shutterstock

On Friday morning, November 22, 1963, Jackie put on a Chanel suit in the rooms she shared with the President at the Texas Hotel in Fort Worth. The President, Mrs. Kennedy told friends later, had chosen the suit for her. Within hours, the pink wool jacket and skirt had become a part of his­tory. Mrs. Kennedy wore the suit through LBJ’s swearing-in ceremony, on the long, sad flight back to Wash­ington, and finally for the return to the White House.

On the plane coming East, she began to reflect on how she wanted the White House prepared for the return of the President. As White House usher Nelson Pierce recalled: “That afternoon was spent looking up the details so that we could have things as near as possible the way they were at the time Lincoln was assassinated. It was 4:20 Saturday morning when Mrs. Kennedy came with the President’s body, and at 4:10 we had finished putting up the last pieces of crepe.”

Everyone had an opinion about the funeral details. Catholic Church officials in Washington wanted her to hold the ceremony in the grand Shrine of the Immaculate Concep­tion. She held out for St. Matthew’s, which was smaller—but was where the President had often attended church. Some members of the Presi­dent’s family wanted him buried in the Kennedy plot in Massachusetts. She decided on Arlington National Cemetery. The Secret Service ques­tioned her decision to walk behind the caisson from the White House to the church.

Jackie stood firm. Familiar as it is, footage of her long walk behind the riderless horse, Black Jack, a pair of boots tucked backward into the stirrups, has lost none of its awful majesty. Recalling Mrs. Kennedy, and the dignity she showed, French Presi­dent Charles de Gaulle said, “She gave the whole world an example of how to behave.” This is the last thing JFK said to Jackie before he died.

Traina/Penske Media/REX/Shutterstock

Even while attending her husband’s burial, Jackie never forgot her obligation to Caroline and John. Just hours after the funeral, the widowed former First Lady hosted her son’s third birth­day party at the White House.

From the time they were toddlers until they left home, Mrs. Kennedy’s children were her priority. Caroline and John drew nearly as much cu­riosity as their parents. “I think it’s hard enough to bring up children anyway, and everyone knows that limelight is the worst thing for them. They either get conceited or else they get hurt,” Jackie said. “They need their mother’s affection and guidance, and long periods of time alone with her. That’s what gives them security in an often confusing new world.”

She relished the role of everyday mom. For Caroline and her class­mates, Jackie managed to get ahold of a pregnant rabbit so that the chil­dren could all anticipate the arrival of a litter of bunnies. Recalled Kennedy friend and historian Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr., “On Halloween evening in 1962, the doorbell rang. When my fourteen-year-old daugh­ter opened the door to the trick-or­-treaters, she found a collection of small hobgoblins leaping up and down. After a moment a masked mother in the background called out that it was time to go to their next house. It was, of course, Jackie.”

After the assassination, Mrs. Ken­nedy and the children moved into a house in Georgetown. To her dis­may, crowds of gawkers still showed up daily for a glimpse of John and Caroline at play or on their way to school. The next year Jackie moved to New York, hoping the big city­ and an apartment high above Fifth Avenue would offer a refuge. “I want them to know about how the rest of the world lives,” she told the New York World Journal Tribune in 1967, “but also I want to be able to give them some kind of sanctuary when they need it, someplace to take them into when things happen to them that do not necessarily hap­pen to other children.”

Through the ’60s and ’70s, Jackie made JFK as much a part of her children’s lives as she could. They visited some of his favorite places, such as the ranch of an Argentine family friend, where JFK had spent a spring vacation as a teenager. On that trip, John Jr. was too young to grasp what the visit was about, but Jackie said she believed it would all fall into place for him later. “I want to help him go back and find his father,” she said.

Said family friend Fred Papert: “She raised her kids so that all three locked onto each other in a way that families almost never do. They needed one another. They all came through for one another. She really liked them as friends, and they her.”

AP/REX/Shutterstock

Many people reacted with astonishment when Jackie married Greek shipping tycoon Aristotle Onassis in October 1968, just four months after the assassination of Robert Kennedy. She was 39. He was in his sixties. What was she thinking?

In fact, Onassis had been a Kennedy family acquaintance for years. Rose Kennedy, JFK’s mother, gave Jackie her blessing. As she later wrote, “I told her to make her plans as she chose to do, and to go ahead, with my loving good wishes.” Jackie later said: “When I married Ari, she of all people was the one who en­couraged me—who said, ‘He’s a good man. ‘”

One thing Onassis also offered was security. “He was a source of refuge and protection,” said her brother-in­-law Sen. Edward Kennedy. “I think she felt safe with him.” Jackie mar­ried Ari on his private island, Skor­pios, and had at her disposal homes in Paris and Athens, helicopters, a yacht and Olympic Airways—all of it heavily guarded.

Transformed from the Widow Kennedy to Jackie O, she became a sort of irreverent, naughty figure in the American imagination. She with­drew, but people still wanted to see what she was up to. Paparazzi from all over the world obliged, once even photographing her sunbathing with no suit on.

The marriage grew cooler as the years went on, and Onassis went into a slump after the death of his son, Alexander, in 1973. Two years later, he was dead. Jackie and Ari were together for just seven years. For her, it was a healing interlude. ”Aristotle Onassis rescued me,” she said, “at a moment when my life was engulfed with shadows.”

Peter Simins/Penske Media/REX/Shutterstock

The period that began in September 1975 was perhaps the happiest time of Jackie’s life. She was doing exactly what she wanted––and not what parents, husbands, family, friends, and the public expected. Now 46, she took an editing job at Viking Press. She had no previous professional editing experience. She was assigned a tiny office, which was what she also got when she moved to Doubleday as an associate editor in 1978. “Like everybody else,” she said, “I have to work my way up to an office with a window.” She finally got a view when she was promoted to senior editor in 1984.

She was an intense, hands-on ed­itor. Colleagues could tell when she was pleased—she would rub her hands together and say, “Hot spit!” Variety was the only consistency of her projects: photography books like Egyptian Time by Robert Lyons and Allure by Diana Vreeland, biogra­phies of Czar Nicholas II and Jean Harlow, recollections by friends of Fred Astaire and George Balanchine, and even a collection of articles from Rolling Stone. Says Doubleday colleague and friend Lisa Drew:

“Part of the joy of publishing is that you learn from every book. Much was made in the press about how she got her own coffee and did her own xeroxing. It wasn’t a big deal, but it was written about as if a mira­cle had occurred. It amused us how people outside were dazzled by this celebrity. Brighter, funnier, nicer than many, yes—but she was just another person.”

In February 1994, when she was 64, it was announced that the former First Lady had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, often a treatable form of cancer. Five years earlier, she had re­sponded to my written questions and then corrected the manuscript for one of my books, First Ladies: The Saga of the Presidents’ Wives and Their Power, 1789-l990. Judging from her notes, I sensed she was able to view the notion of being the world’s most famous woman with detach­ment. In the middle of a sentence that read “If there was one sphere where Jacqueline had great influence, it was fashion,” she scribbled, in blue ink, ‘Much to her annoyance!’”

She was pleased with the book because she felt it would move peo­ple’s opinions of her beyond mere style: “I hope now that people will realize,” she said, “that there was something under that pillbox hat.”

Now, take a look at these rarely seen photos of Jackie Kennedy.

Original Source -> This Was Jackie Kennedy’s Incredible Mark on History

source https://www.seniorbrief.com/this-was-jackie-kennedys-incredible-mark-on-history/

[caddyxjellyby]

Alcott Readathon 2018: Hospital Sketches (1863)

"It is by no means faultless, but it fastens itself upon the mind and heart of the reader." -Springfield Daily Republican "The wit, the humor, the power of brief and vivid description which the volume evinces, will give it a wide popularity." -The Wide World "There are some passages in this little volume which will move the heart to tears as irresistibly as the humor of others will move the voice to laughter." -The New England Farmer Hospital Sketches (1863) was published first in newspapers and then as a book, to mostly glowing reviews. It is based on Alcott's brief time as a nurse with the names changed. The protagonist is called Tribulation Periwinkle but I couldn't help but refer to her as Louisa. I'm leaving a lot out of this recap so that if you read it there will still be surprises. Chapter 1: Obtaining Supplies The book opens with something I had forgotten - Nurse Periwinkle has two sisters and a brother Tom. Tom suggests she try nursing after she rejects other family suggestions of writing a book, teaching, marrying, and acting. A neighbor introduces her to a nurse and she receives her commission. "A certain dear old lady" cries while saying good-bye to "topsy-turvy Trib." She's entitled to a free railroad pass and spends 5 pages searching for the right place to get it. Haven't we all been there? After acquiring it she compares herself to Christian in Pilgrim's Progress "when the Evangelist gave him the scroll." Before the train leaves she visits her sister "Mrs. Joan Coobiddy" at the Dove-cote. Chapter 2: A Forward Movement Train ride.

"Very comfortable; munch gingerbread, and Mrs. C.'s fine pear, which deserves honorable mention, because my first loneliness was comforted by it, and pleasant recollections of both kindly sender and bearer. Look much at Dr. H.'s paper of directions—put my tickets in every conceivable place, that they may be get-at-able, and finish by losing them entirely. Suffer agonies till a compassionate neighbor pokes them out of a crack with his pen-knife. Put them in the inmost corner of my purse, that in the deepest recesses of my pocket, pile a collection of miscellaneous articles 22 atop, and pin up the whole. Just get composed, feeling that I've done my best to keep them safely, when the Conductor appears, and I'm forced to rout them all out again, exposing my precautions, and getting into a flutter at keeping the man waiting. Finally, fasten them on the seat before me, and keep one eye steadily upon the yellow torments, till I forget all about them, in chat with the gentleman who shares my seat. Having heard complaints of the absurd way in which American women become images of petrified propriety, if addressed by strangers, when traveling alone, the inborn perversity of my nature causes me to assume an entirely opposite style of deportment; and, finding my companion hails from Little Athens, is acquainted with several of my three hundred and sixty-five cousins, and in every way a respectable and respectful member of society, I put my bashfulness in my pocket, and plunge into a long conversation on the war, the weather, music, Carlyle, skating, genius, hoops, and the immortality of the soul."

Knowing LMA I imagine she doesn't approve of hoops.

Then a boat. She doesn't want to sleep as she has "twice escaped a watery grave" and won't press her luck a third time. Because I'm a nerd I can identify both times. When she was a little girl she fell into a pond and a black man rescued her. In 1858 she was looking for work in Boston and finding it difficult, she considered drowning herself into the Back Bay. And it turns out I spoke too soon - Nurse P is in fact wearing a hoop.

Another train. Passes through Philly where "few men appear, and the women seem to do the business, which, perhaps, accounts for its being so well done." Misandry! In Baltimore a coupling iron, whatever that is, breaks, and the train stops for a repair. Her first sight of Washington D. C. takes LMA's breath away.

Chapter 3: A Day

LMA's fourth day at "Hurlyburly House." It always strikes me, reading history, how little formal education was required for getting a job.

Forty ambulances arrive from Fredericksburg. Our heroine is momentarily taken aback at being told to strip and wash soldiers but follows orders. A lad with one leg and one arm provides some gallows humor.

"I've been in six scrimmages, and never got a scratch till this last one; but it's done the business pretty thoroughly for me, I should say. Lord! what a scramble there'll be for arms and legs, when we old boys come out of our graves, on the Judgment Day: wonder if we shall get our own again? If we do, my leg will have to tramp from Fredericksburg, my arm from here, I suppose, and meet my body, wherever it may be."

We learn that nuts as slang was used in 1862.

A Confederate says he'll wash himself, provoking "angry passions" in LMA. She has no sympathy for him.

She filks The Charge of the Light Brigade:

"Beds to the front of them,

Beds to the right of them,

Beds to the left of them,

Nobody blundered.

Beamed at by hungry souls,

Screamed at with brimming bowls,

Steamed at by army rolls,

Buttered and sundered.

With coffee not cannon plied,

Each must be satisfied,

Whether they lived or died;

All the men wondered."

The doctors and nurses work non-stop from dawn til 11, with supper at 5. "The amount that some of them sequestered was amazing."

Chapter 4: A Night

An example of the tragic/comic mixture that is Alcott's trademark. She enjoys the night shift and learns to recognize each man's snore. A twelve year old drummer boy, Teddy, wakes up crying. It isn't pain - he dreamed about his friend Kit who died. Teddy was injured and Kit carried him wrapped up in blankets, so Teddy blames himself for weakening Kit. LMA assures him Kit would have died either way.

John, a blacksmith from Virginia, dictates a letter home. He has a ring so she asks if he's married. He says, no, his mother is a widow and so he must support her and act as surrogate father to his sister Lizzy and brother Laurie. LMA admires his manly courage and maternal devotion. He dies two days after, just before the reply arrives.

A man who lost his leg attempts to escape home, hopping all around and rambling, and a Prussian gentleman puts him back to bed.

Chapter 5: Off Duty

A surgeon urges her to rest lest he "have to add a Periwinkle to my bouquet of patients." Her room has broken windows, sheets for curtains, and rats that take the food.

For exercise she visits Armoury Hospital and describes how it's much more clean and organized than Hurlyburly House.

Another time she visits the Senate Chamber, but it isn't in session so she sits in Charles Sumner's chair, imagines herself cudgeling Preston Brooks, the guy who beat up Sumner for making an anti-slavery speech, and steals "a castaway autograph or two." Then she goes to an art museum and writes that "several robust ladies attracted me . . . but which was America and which Pocahontas was a mystery, for all affected much looseness of costume, dishevelment of hair, swords, arrows, lances, scales, and other ornaments quite passé with damsels of our day, whose effigies should go down to posterity armed 76 with fans, crochet needles, riding whips, and parasols, with here and there one holding pen or pencil, rolling-pin or broom."

Then it rains for a week and she's shut up in her room. The other nurses and her friends visit her, including Dorothea Dix.

As any of you who have read a biography of LMA know, she comes down typhoid and returns home.

"I never shall regret the going, though a sharp tussle with typhoid, ten dollars, and a wig, are all the visible results of the experiment; for one may live and learn much in a month." Only ten dollars? TEN? $2.50 a week? Frank Leslie paid her $50 a story.

Chapter 6: A Postscript

Answers to readers' letters. Are there churches services at the hospital? Yes, there is a chaplain but she finds his sermons dry and uninteresting.

"Regarding the admission of friends to nurse their sick, I can only say, it was not allowed at Hurly-burly House; though one indomitable parent took my ward by storm, and held her position, in spite of doctors, matron, and Nurse Periwinkle. Though it was against the rules, though the culprit was an acid, frost-bitten female, though the young man would have done quite as well without her anxious fussiness, and the whole room-full been much more comfortable, there was something so irresistible in this persistent devotion, that no one had the heart to oust her from her post. She slept on the floor, without uttering a complaint; bore jokes somewhat of the rudest; fared scantily, though her basket was daily filled with luxuries for her boy; and tended that petulant personage with a never-failing patience beautiful to see.

I feel a glow of moral rectitude in saying this of her; for, though a perfect pelican to her young, she pecked and cackled (I don't know that pelicans usually express their emotions in that manner,) most obstreperously, when others invaded her premises; and led me a weary life, with "George's tea-rusks," "George's foot-bath," "George's measles," and "George's mother;" till after a sharp passage of arms and tongues with the matron, she wrathfully packed up her rusks, her son, and herself, and departed, in an ambulance, scolding to the very last."

Nurses aren't required to witness amputations. LMA watched operations because she wanted to nurse at the front. The offer from Dr. Z to witness a dissection she turned down.

She was warned "to expect much humiliation of spirit from the surgeons" but those she worked with didn't do that at all. They were very kind and when she was ill Dr. Z made sure she had firewood.

She refuses to give the hospital's real name - it has closed down and its patients moved to, she hopes, a place with better food.