#I’m trying to balance an actual
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The Fool, The Moon & Five of Cups
Back then, Max was young, and foolish, so that he could not see any dangers or pitfalls that lay ahead. The band was going to be big, they were going to be the next Metallica or Megadeth, the new kings of the music scene. In reality, behind the scenes there was already a rot festering in the group. An infection, bound to draw out the worst in both Max and his friends, was growing night by night. Out of the five, Only two would make it out unscathed…
(Taglist: @rottent33th, @slaasherslut, @the-pinstriped-hood, @goldrose-star, @soupbabe, @bluecoolr, @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better, @solmints-messyocdiary, @flower-crowned-lady, @probably-a-plant-thing, @myers-meadow)
#ssooo I’m back on my moodboard bullshit again and this tarot moodboard thing I did last time was really fun so have another.#plus my boy hasn’t had one in a while I thin??#I’m trying to balance an actual#Reading??#with the symbolism that fits and this one worked out p well#imo#anyway#Maxwell Holt#Max#moodboard
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Cowboy McCoy
#I’m still trying to figure out the balance between ‘cartoony’ and ‘drawing actually looks like character’#yk?#so here’s a little trial doodle#star trek#star trek tos#leonard mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#dr mccoy#bones mccoy#art#my art
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marcille sticker / keychain :) building portfolio for artist alley!!!!!!!
#marcille donato#marcille dungeon meshi#falin x marcille#delicious in dungeon marcille#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#anime fanart#i’m so scared to table at artist alley lol#how do i know what people will buy?? how do i balance that with things im actually passionate about?#anyway i’m trying to build my portfolio#i hope applications work out for me
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Tank Fact!
Tank isn’t that much of a drinker, not liking the chance of something happening while their drunk/tipsy, he drinks socially here and there but no more than 1-2 drinks. Tank is a smoker though, something they got into the habit of while he was away from the pack.
#latenightsleeper#redacted audio#redacted asmr#sleep speaks#redactedverse#redacted darlin#redacted tank#redacted asmr darlin#redacted asmr tank#redacted audio darlin#redacted audio tank#Chrissy says he hates the smell to try and make Tank stop#he actually really likes it he just hates what it does to Tanks lungs#Tank hates dragging Chrissy’s ass back home when he’s shit faced#things balance out#also imagine with me#seeing a both Tank and Chrissy at a club or bar#leaning next to each other as Chrissy is drunkenly rambling to a smoking Tank who’s nursing a cup of Jack and coke#I’m sorry#😳#I have a lot of feelings for these guys#tank fact
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AHHHHHH okay so i may or may not have just spontaneously bought tickets to see miles in london in february and i am SO EXCITED 🤩🤩
#i probably shouldn’t have bc i’m seeing him once already#and my bank balance is crying#but you know what#it’s been a really tough couple months and this is my ‘well done for getting through this 💗’ present to myself#and i absolutely cannot wait#it’s also going to be my first time actually visiting london which i’m so excited for#AND i get to see my best friend who’s just moved there#so many things to be happy (and a little nervous!) about#anyway now i need to try and calm down so i can go out and meet my friend without seeming like i’m actually high#I’M GOING TO SEE MILES AHHHHHHH#miles kane#omb era#lulu posts
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good morning i will catch up with my reading list on company time today 🙂↕️
#nobody is more online than that one friend who doesn’t gaf about their job or whatever that saying is#that is me actually#i do give a fuck sadly but i try to balance it out by doing anything possible on company time#anyway rot and 88 ford and jackal’s den i’m coming for you today 🫵#lale.txt
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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Oda when I catch you Oda 🙂🔪
#egghead island#spoilers in tags#for todays ep#OP episode 1115#one piece 1115#yapping in tags#one piece#I am so fine and ok after todays ep#I am perfectly fine and good and dandy#trafalgar d water law#trafalgar law#winner island#polar tang#oh god I’m gonna cry cuz I keep thinking about#wolf one piece#and their departure from him in Law Novel ch7 with the ship and- UGH!#that was their home since they were 16#bepo one piece#aka the best and most dependable reliable amazing guy ever Bepo I love you#he made such a hard choice even though it was probably the smart one to protect his capitan/best friend but WOW he must be hurting#they balance each other out so beautifully I love their friendship#“I can’t leave my friends behind“ JUST FUCKING STAB ME IT WOULD HURT LESS#I can’t even- oh my god.#he loves them so much and he’s been fighting for the ability to love people like that for most of his life#please don’t let him lose that a third time#not when he just started trying to live for himself#I can’t even think about the other two of the OG 4 heart pirates#my only hope is that we saw how insane they are at swimming. and we never actually saw anyone get cut down - only the aftermath#I’m running out of tags so imma use this as a sign to draw my feelings instead of typing them.#me yapping
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some momily as a palate cleanser (thank you @criminalmindsgonewrong for the inspo)
#jemily#jj jareau#jennifer jareau#emily prentiss#criminal minds#michael lamontagne#I’m so sorry Henry I literally never draw you it’s always mikey#tv: criminal minds#mine: art#so proud of the direction of this - im trying to lean towards learning how to balance new colour schemes and lighting techniques#and BACKGROUNDS~#I know… who am I even#please click to view cos tumblr eats the quality#(also I know I didn’t actually use one of your prompts but you got me in my momily feels)
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Me: Persona is like one of my more normal interests
Also me: *proceeds to do a replay of P3P on NG+ as the femc even though this is gonna take well over 50+ hours like last time even if I skip some dialogue*
#meg text#persona 3#it’s so funny too because before this I was like “I don’t think I’m a rpg guy/guy who likes slower pace series”#when in actuality I have zero preference it just has to tickle my brain and keep my engagement which p3 does#now if only I could finish a anime longer than 20 eps but will worry about that later#also im gonna try to get every party member social link even if i have to max out stats#its not for Orpheus telos it’s just I wanna do it since I care more about the development than the benefits of SLs#even if it’s good they do have benefits since otherwise it’s like “why do these side things”#the only outside SEES link I’ll do is Ryoji probably…#I think I barley got 11 SL last time and that included the three automatic story ones 😭 so I hope I can balance this
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i have been learning taekwondo for ALMOST A YEAR ALREADY so how come it wasn’t until LITERALLY TODAY it dawned on me I can now use my newly acquired fighting knowledge to WRITE COOL AND BETTER FIGHT SCENES FOR MARIBAT OH MY GOOOODDDD IVE LITERALLY BEEN TOO AFRAID TO REALLY WRITE FIGHT SCENES BUT THIS IS LIKE SO PERFECT
anyways catch me daydreaming abt writing maribat stuff again, hopefully we can turn the daydreaming into daydoing (or maybe nightdoing)
#kiwi shares their thoughts#master jason said “taekwondo is a striking sport; we REACH we don’t grapple” and my brain (that was reminded#about marinette earlier in the day) went oh she could totally use taekwondo techniques to try and stay out of grappling distance with#heavier bigger strong and or slower enemies#and then i haven’t stopped thinking about it since#also my kicks were on 👏 point 👏! 👏 today so it put me in a good mood and that helped#like it just dawned on me how much progress i’ve made with my coordination and balance and strength and form and technique#like my kicks r so much cleaner and sharper and less awkward now#not to say they’re like amazing or perfect or anything#but it’s feels way more natural and instinctual now#my round kicks are consistently good now hallelujah 🙏#also back hoofkick is fun#so is idk what it’s called but the one where you roundkick#then 360 then raise the knees you DIDNT kick with and then front kick with the other leg#fun#watch out guys i’m a blue belt now#only *does mental math* 6 more belt tests before i’m 1st degree black belt yall#man that’s actually a lot#ok but i’m basically halfway#i’ve already done 5
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And the Shatters’ ridiculous overtime train has come to an end.
Well, the money was nice while it lasted but. I get it. I’m hoping to have some time to uh. Actually do some art and stuff now I hope :)
And while there are things I want to purchase while I have money to do so. I should. Really save some… fuck. (And learn to repair my thigh holes so I can wear pants longer but. Alas) (to be Responsible I probably shouldn’t be thinking “but COULD I fly somewhere to see The Plot In You?” Bc they’re not coming to Seattle… bc I definitely *shouldn’t* and I also don’t want to fly anywhere. But also. Why not end my early ish twenties irresponsibly and wildly?)
I. I did it. I reached the finish line. (Nevermind that I still have work, school, and other commitments without much in the way of a proper day off.)
(And probably discovered a new physical movement based trigger that nearly had me in tears despite being in a public busy grocery store)
I. I survived.
If the other decorator isn’t back for December/christmas time though. They better reinstate a little bit for me. (I. I think the other full time decorator might crumble under the weekend demand. I love her. “I’m new”. But she’s not new. She needs to at least be able to do the orders for each day. And there will be many.)
I. Not to be conceited. But. I held it together there for them. And
They thanked me.
‘Give us all you are willing to give’
And I did.
Now, I rest.
#take *nth* of trying to find some sort of work life balance hopefully…#shatters’ fragments#text#ok realistically I don’t actually get#to rest yet#but. I’m trying#bc I got. pretty close to I Can’t Do This Anymore#and uhh did NOT realize I got into double#double time pay territory 😬#oops#(corporate is Unhappy bc ‘who can make the profit to justify that’#and uh. didn’t realize I’d get double.#1.5 yeah. but. 2x?#fuck. I mean#$1000 I should set aside rn for my fucking glasses#oof and meds…
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okay, i’m genuinely curious: do people find me intimidating?
#that’s crazy to me but i wanna hear it from you#bc i get intimidated by other people i deem too cool for me whether that’s silly or not#but like to think other people find *me* intimidating?#idk i feel im very jaded and my own perception of myself very obviously will probably not match other people’s#idk i’m thinking about that kinda stuff lately#both in the context of friendship and otherwise#and just trying to both be more grown up and putting myself out there and making new adult relationships#and also balancing that with autism and the struggle to do so#my experience with friendship is weird and i wanna actually learn to be better basically#idk i always feel i’m a bad friend but like i do try really really hard and if i was really a bad friend i wouldn’t try at all would i?#idk it’s very complicated and it comes from a werid childhood and yadda yadda#whatever my big thing right now is communication i guess?#and relearning how to do it etc#as i’ve said in multiple posts#and i guess i’m trying to bare with myself as well as asking other people to do the same#bc i wanna talk and make friends but i’m currently on a slow road to figuring stuff out in my life so uhh yeah#that’s the guist of it i guess#anyways imaooo this post got away from me#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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Everybody clap for me I felt uncertain on some stairs that didn’t have a railing and I asked aneki if I could hold her arm
#every time I ask for help instead of just trying to tough through or pretend I don’t have a problem#I think streamers should descend from the heavens and I should get a cake actually#TWO cakes#but please hold them for me until I get down these stairs WHOO#anyway. I thought my balance issues were just like. I’m out of shape or something. and I’ve always had some problems bc adhd.#until I was talking to mum about fibro and she was like ‘the first thing I noticed was balance issues’#I was like well shit maybe this bitch aint malingering after all
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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wuh wait what do you mean I have to people
#personal#yayyy the reality of living is catching up to me and it sucks..#dude i can barely focus on doing one task at a time#Now we’re taking 2 self study aps along with 2 in class ones#And looking at internships#And trying to see if we can register for college classes#And and and and#the list goes on and on good gravity#Eugh i hate this cuz it’s like#I’m not complaining? I like having opportunities?#I’m just terrible at actually doing things??#I struggle to get up in the morning and function how am i gonna balance all this…?#I just#God#anyhow#delete later#and everyone else is doing so well I don’t wanna fall behind…
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