#I’m tired of the hate either of these characters receive as someone who is a fan of both | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tetsunabouquet · 1 year ago

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I was scrolling through my blog, as I’ve received an ask that I’m pretty sure I talked about a bit before in one of my headcanons that I was currently trying to look up, and I went through the posts of this delusional Kaname fangirl who insulted my maturity and kind of gaslighted me in the follow-up post to this. ( I mean, saying that my arguments are fantasy and not from the manga when the manga literally DOES point out there's a difference between vampire ranks and the Kuran monarchy. Matsuri Hino didn't directly stated there to be a difference because JAPAN IS A MONARCHY. People from a monarchy, don't need to be stated the obvious as we already know how it works. Don't monarchsplain someone from a monarchy) Because this asshole was just downright insulting me, it didn’t hit me at first but now I’m looking at this specific post and suddenly, I notice something I didn’t the first time: This person said they discovered VK when they were 12-13 and it’s been 6 years... Considering 6 years can be in a broad sense (as I mentioned about Zero and Ichiru either being 12 or 13), then this person is 20 and BARELY out of their teens or they are STILL A TEENAGER THEMSELVES!!! Girlie, you are seriously overestimating your own maturity, ones brain hasn’t fully reached maturity until they’re in their mid-twenties like me. Your brain ISN’T that of an adult yet, so don’t talk down on kiddies younger then you. You’re only an adult in the sense you probably have the right to vote and drink for crying out loud. YOU don’t get to look down on teenagers immaturity yet, especially when you are insulting and gaslighting people for questioning a fictional chatracter’s actions throughout the course of the story. If anyone was acting like a teenager, it’s YOU and probably because you are still one yourself. I’m not that much of a child anymore to send someone insults over a fictional character, and only a kid would afterwards act like they’re more mature and knowledgable. And why is that?

Because we adults generally are mature enough to not start insulting each other over a simple disagreement like a fictional character. We adults have politics for that.

Now, other then being 25 and being at least 5 years older then this asshole, I actually started watching VK a few months before my 16th birthday and I bought my first VK volume for my 16th birthday. Again, I was a few years older when I even picked it up, I hated Kaname right away and my hatred for him only grew as I became a full-fledged young adult BECAUSE I can now understand what it’s like to be mentally grown, to take accountability for your own actions, the power imbalance of a mental age gap, etc. I’ve literally been in the fandom for almost a decade at this point, long enough to know about some of the early VK drama with people like Sagakure, etc. I know most of the people in the VK fandom were around before the fandom was near-dead and are either in their late teens to thirties. I’ve been part of the fandom a couple years before you even joined. Just like, I also know from my long-experience in the fandom that Kaname fangirls and KaZe shippers usually are the most toxic people in the fandom. I’m not saying every Zero stan is perfect, I remember seeing one Zero fangirl drag a polite and pretty sweet seeming Kaname fangirl through the mud with no respect at all. But that is the only time I witnessed a Zero fangirl being toxic. I’ve been online friends with several VK fangirls for years. Kaname fangirls and this one Takuma fangirl are responsible for all the friendship drama I endured in the fandom. I’ve never even had problems with a Rido fangirl I befriended- we even had each others phone numbers and would text back in the day when we were pretty close. I still feel kinda shitty for the way we drifted a part because near the end of our friendships, I was low-key the one who was a bad friend as I was just tired of the VK drama and withdrew from interacting with the fandom to focus on my mental health. And most of this happened before you even became part of the fandom. Seriously, don’t make assumptions on someone’s age and their number of years in the fandom, because the joke is on you.

I never talk down on newer or younger fans in my fandoms, and as I mentioned in my TWP forword, I’ve even been an OG fan who helped establish the Dutch part of the Shadowhunter Chronicles fandom which is amongst the largest YA franchises at this period of time- and this was all back when you were in elementary school. I’ll never call younger fans, ‘kids’ or assume they are one... Unless they’re acting like a snotty teenager. Because, you deserve being called a kid and for me to point out you were still learning multiplication tables at school when I was already posting VK fanfiction. PS: To anyone in general reading this, I do have a pet peeve of someone talking down on me because they perceive me to be a certain age. As a short woman with a babyface, people perceiving me to be younger happens often. Some people have given me shit for looking younger then I actually am. That can be annoying at best and it’s downright infuriating at worst, like when someone several years younger then me is talking down on me. I hate that with a passion.

God, how can you just turn history upside down?

1 )You are talking about women (give an example of men?) and Why do you say Britain and Argentina if I'm talking about the Vampire Knight universe? Zero does not have a noble title. These are the rules of the story of this manga.

2)Hunters were created so that people could protect themselves and there were adult residents (and none of them were forced) (show the page where he taught children? 🤦‍♀️ And where did you see the children 😂?

Zero/Ichiru were 13*. what is the use of children? He would use it when he grew up, not for himself, but for the common good.

3) Kaname did not teach Seiren, he saved and took her under his wing and in order to repay him, she decided to become strong). he was dear to her.

4) Have you ever wondered if Kaname needed all this? (to experiment on himself, to participate in the war for so many years and all this for the sake of weak beings. Why do you think that he is obliged to do all this? He became king not because wanted, but for the sake of the world.

5) You forgot about the curse of the twins). Where one must absorb the other. Do you think a pureblood couldn't escape from prison again?

Your stories are about children, Seiren, I have a feeling that you are telling fanfiction, and not the story of this manga

Wish you good health.

Kaname is a very deep and complex character, so the bulk of his fans are an adult audience (I noticed). maybe you are a teenager when I was 12-13 I didn’t understand him, now after 6 years I understand perfectly. A huge responsibility fell on him, he is also a living person who can make mistakes and be depressed.

You remember that he postponed what was supposed to happen, but not that he just saved millions of lives without demanding anything from them in return. And if Kaname left everything as it is, he wouldn't be a bad person, would he))

I'm literally 25, don't insult my intelligence and maturity for simply seeing the numerous red flags. I already said I don't run this blog just to write these answers that make me want to vomit. I know you're the same person, cute that you want to stay anonymous. They could have been either twelve or thirteen, their age at the time of the incident was never stated, only that it is about 4 years afterwards, which could also be 4 years and a month (and Zero's birthday could have been in that month). We don't know exactly, but is it really that much of a difference when it comes to maturity? NO. So that's irrelevant. VK never stated that the Kuran monarchy isn't following the rules of real life monarchies, so your point about that is also invalid. I'm talking about Brittain and an Argentinian Dutch Queen, because they are gender flipped examples of how monarchies work in this regard. A monarch's partner is generally always given the title directly below their own regardless of their status. A King marrying a aristocratic or common woman? She's the Queen. A Queen marrying a aristocratic or common man? He's a Prince. That's how it works. You're really twisting my words about the Hunters too. I never said there was a page. I said he was involved with the very foundation of the society, and yes, in the beginning there were only adults because they had eaten the Hooded Woman. The Hunters weren't suddenly born like vampires were. However, that we aren't shown that he was teaching the children of the first Hunters, literally does not negate the fact Kaname had the power to create rules about the appropriate ages and forbid minors from at least going on missions. And don't pretend like Kaname could have established such a rule because else this would have been mentioned like the way his creation of Artemis and Bloody Rose was. He absolutely taught Seiren! Don't pretend otherwise. He was mentally an adult and definitely could have manipulated her into ACTUAL recovery. He didn't. He literally named her that because she had to 'repent', and the fact he never helped her out of her delusion only means one thing: He was using her brainwashed childhood to his own advantage. DISGUSTING. Do you think he couldn't have forbidden her to train? Do you think he couldn't just tell her to stop following him and make up fake missions whilst he does his bussiness instead of her being his bodyguard? Oh, I do know why Kaname did all of that, and you're literally ignoring the fact that I did acknowledge they were good efforts turnt into something bad. It's just that Kaname's shortcomings did contribute to why they became bad, because Kaname wasn't perfect. But the Kaname during the Hooded Woman era, was seriously suffering main character syndrome. Like the whole, 'I'm pretty much amnesiac at this point without a purpose until the love of my life comes along and gives me a mission', very hero route. Even in Memories, he's actually likable as a human without memories. But the Kaname throughout the original main series? Deserves eternal hellfire. The curse of the hunter's twins is irrelevant. It's just another allegory for a stigmatized disease that Ichiru is suffering from. Shizuka literally couldn't escape for a 1000 years until she found an accomplice in her lover. So no, she clearly could not escape on her own. Which is exactly what should have been done to Rido's remains as well, making the Shizuka- Kiryu plotline entirely unneccesary if it wasn't for Kaname planning to take down MORE then just Rido and thinking he struck gold when he saw the first known pair of living Hunter twins. I'm not telling fanfiction, but the things that are present in the manga. Kaname Kuran during his posing as Juri and Haruka's son era, is someone who literally gets me shaking with anger. I hate this piece of garbage, as I should. Stop sending me these clearly biased fangirl messages that try to talk down to me -the whole kid thing at the end, when you're too fucking lazy to even read my bio description in which I literally mention being in my mid-twenties.

#vk #vampire knight #kaname kuran #kaname fangirls #zero kiryu fangirls #takuma ichijo fangirls #rido kuran fangirls #toxic #fandom #age assumptions #The KaZe ship especially can burn in hell #kiryu twins #kaname fangirls are so freaking delusional #when the child is calling you a child #the vk fandom #my experience with this fandom

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tuulikannel · 2 years ago

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Sai, suicide & the Heian period

I was suddenly reminded about a discussion I had a long ago (like… 10 years?) with someone in Hikago fandom about Sai and the idea that his suicide was somehow… unnecessary. For one thing, I’m not sure what is a necessary suicide… well, I know she meant that Sai wasn’t a samurai who’d have to commit seppuku to regain his honor or something such. But yes, overall… of course Sai didn’t have to do what he did. Of course his suicide was what suicides in general are: a heart-breaking tragedy that wouldn’t have had to take place. But it was also absolutely in character for him as a Heian age aristocrat. Back when we talked about this, I couldn’t yet properly make this argument, so I’m doing it now 10(?) years too late. ^^;;

Sai is truly an embodiment of what a Heian age man should have been. Sensitive, above anything else. Open to mono no aware, the pathos of things or however you’d like to translate that. We might think that his (unjust) punishment, being exiled from the capital, doesn’t sound that bad. But the thing is, the capital was the entire world for a Heian age aristocrat. The provinces… well, there was no worse slur than to say that someone is countrified. A good example about this is Sugawara no Michizane (who, btw, after his death became Tenjin-sama, patron deity of academics. I think it’s overall pretty funny how that happened, but it’s a different story.) He was once given the position as the governor of one of the so-called home provinces, i.e. those nearest the capital. This was a good position, an honor, really, and something like that was bound to happen sooner or later. These posts lasted only for a few years, and everyone had one every now and then. But when it was time for him to go and he had a farewell party, he was in tears. You’d imagine he’d been sent somewhere at the edge of the realm from where he would never return.

A banishment, then? It was very nearly the harshest punishment you could receive. Death penalty was quite rare, in the end. You’d be sent somewhere much farther away than the home provinces, and the likelihood that you’d ever return really was close to zero. And everything that matters – the sophistication, the culture, life, or in Sai’s case, go players – would be something you’re leaving behind for good.

There’s a part in The Tale of Genji, where prince Genji is banished because he had an affair with one of the emperor’s wives. Well, sort of banished, anyway… That story, btw, is truly the Bold and the Beautiful of its time. If I remember right, the emperor, who should have been Genji’s half-brother, was in fact his son, cause he’d also had an affair with a concubine of his father’s. Unless I got the people confused, it’s all quite a mess.

Anyway, I say sort of banished, cause he in fact left the capital voluntarily. Again, it’s been really long since I read it, but if I remember right, the emperor (who must have been quite young, as the emperors were those days – they retired quite early) knew about the affair but didn’t mind it, cause it had started before the marriage. (Affairs were a Thing back then.) Unfortunately the girl’s father and sister (who was the empress) hated Genji, and when the daddy dearest caught them in action, it became a scandal and Genji deemed it best to leave the capital for a while. This was, of course, simply so that he would have a chance for a rustic romance, finding a beautiful wildflower blooming in the faraway provinces.

And once Genji was getting tired of that romance and really beginning to miss the capital, the emperor had a dream where the ghost of his father reprimanded him for treating his brother like this. (“Brother”… I guess ghosts aren’t all-knowing either…), and so the emperor called Genji back. But this goes to show that returning from an exile wasn’t such a simple thing, even when you weren’t officially exiled in the first place. It took otherworldly intervention and the call from the emperor himself that Genji could return. So what hope was there for Sai?

Someone like him who so fully embodied the ideals of his time – beauty, refinement, sensitivity… what other ending for his story was there but a “poetic” death in a hazy river, really.

(I say ending, but luckily this is fiction, and in this case, it was the beginning.)

#this became a bit random I guess #just writing down my thoughts #hikaru no go #fujiwara no sai #hikago #heian era

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lubdubsworld · 4 years ago

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物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[ Author’s Note : 物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

“Yoongi left a bunch of painkillers for you. He said you can take up to three per day.” Jin said calmly , carefully slipping the sleeves of my t shirt over my wrist as i held my arms out for him. He slipped the shirt over my head gently but his arms hit my shoulders, jostling me. I swallowed the whimper of pain that shot through me at the movement. Mina was now awake, happily wiggling around on her rocker.

It was a little past seven in the evening and Jungkook wasn’t due to arrive for another hour .

“I could sleep on a bed of rusty nails right now. I’m so tired and i don’t know why. “ I whispered, staying still as he carefully drew the fabric down over my ribs, before stepping back.

“I’ll sleep in the nursery with her. You should take the bed. You’re in no shape to be up and taking care of her when she wakes up. Jungkook’s asked me to stay here during the day because I’m not going to be performing for a couple months anyway and I’ve been losing my mind, rattling around that huge ass mansion all by myself. ”

The phone rang, startling both of us.

I groaned before moving to get up but Jin oppa held a hand up.

“Stay in bed. I’ll go see who it is.”

I watched him disappear out of the room, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the ice pack in the small cooler by the bed. I had to ice my ribs every hour or so and while it didn’t seem to be helping much, I definitely appreciated the temporary numbness it offered.

Jungkook’s guilt had driven a new wedge between us and he hadn’t so much as looked at me in three days.

I wasn’t sure entirely if this was a good or bad thing. The fact that he seemed to be considering that he had to get his emotions under control to stop hurting the people around him was a welcome change. But the idea of going back to being ignored and treated like furniture , wasn’t really all that appealing.

“Jungkook’s parents are on the way.” Jin’s voice broke through my reverie and i jumped.

I resisted the urge to sob out loud .

Mr and Mrs. Jeon were on the opposite side of the grief spectrum and just as annoying.

Where Sooah’s parents were intent on making Jungkook remember their daughter as often as possible, Jungkook’s parents were intent on making him forget her.

The only thing the two of them had in common was a burning hatred for me.

Jungkook’s parents had wanted him to quit the company and sell it when it went into loss but Jungkook had categorically refused because that would result in all of his employees getting laid off, and back then Jungkook had been nothing if not ridiculously compassionate. Jungkook’s parents firmly believed that if it hadn’t been for me, their son would be back in Busan, letting them raise their granddaughter.

“Great, that’s great. Did you tell them their son is not around?” I grimaced. I’d only met them three times in total and the last time was in the hospital two months ago when Jungkook had crashed in the middle of a board meeting, weeks of starving and dehydration catching up to him. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience, getting cursed out in front of the doctors and nurses and it probably won’t be any fun in the privacy of my home either.

Jin gave me a sympathetic smile.

“He’s already told them he’s on the way. I’m going to take Mina out on a walk. Give you guys some privacy. Shoot me a text when they leave.” he said gently.

“Can’t I come with?” I begged and he laughed.

“That would be a bad idea, even if it weren’t for the cracked rib. Just relax. Smile and nod and let them spew whatever nonsense they want and then they’ll leave. ”

I opened my mouth to tell him how many flaws there were in his plan when the doorbell rang.

“And that’s my cue. Text me, yeah?” Jin moved to pick Mina up from the rocker before reaching for the baby carrier on the table.

I debated the pros and cons of staying in bed and finally decided against it, gently throwing my legs off the edge and raising myself up to a sitting position. I heard vague voices by the front door, Jin’s sweet tones mingling with Jungkook’s slightly gruffer ones.

I heard the door close and the stillness of the apartment was as oppressing as ever. I could hear him quite clearly though. The clink of the keys as they hit the bowl, the small click of the door as he locked it.

i could imagine him, exhausted from the day’s work, briefcase held in one hand while the other tugged on the knot of his tie.

I imagined for a second, what it must have been like for him with Sooah. She was a bright , incredibly cheerful person. Everyone kind of faded into the background when she was around. Sooah had always been the first to smile at a stranger, the first to laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. The first one to stand up to help someone in need.

I swallowed, clutching the sheets to ground myself.

I guessed that she must’ve always rushed to greet him at the door. I could imagine him wrapping both arms around her waist, drawing her into a hug or even a kiss.

How was your day, Kookie? (I’d heard her call him that, once when they had been at my father’s house for a charity dinner. )

I wondered if perhaps the very sight of her would have taken away all of the day’s exhaustion from him. Perhaps, he would forget all the ways his company had been failing back then at the sight of her beautiful laughing face. Perhaps losing his company hadn’t been as terrifying as losing his job.

And perhaps once he lost her, he just couldn’t bear the thought of losing his life’s work too. And so he’d agreed to meet my father’s demands.

My fingers began trembling a bit .

I could imagine her moving around the house, pregnant and glowing, laughing as he nuzzled into the curve of her belly. Had he perhaps pressed his lips to her skin, whispered sweet endearments to his daughter through the fabric of his wife’s clothes? Had he perhaps loved Mina, deeply? WAs it just his grief that made it hard to be near his wife. Or was it perhaps me? Me holding the baby that should have been in his beautiful wife’s arms.

The wife he had been so madly, deeply in love with.

Love, I thought vacantly.

It wasn’t something I had ever felt, for anyone until I’d began caring for Mina.

But what Jungkook had with his wife was something different wasn’t it?

The love a man had for a woman. Laced with desire, longing and passion. A love that made you put their happiness over your own.

Love like that had never been in the cards for me.

Ever

I was an Omega. Rare and hated and known for being selfish and greedy. People didn’t love my kind. They avoided me. They always assumed I would take advantage of them. My peers growing up had treated me with so much contempt.

The girls would whisper how I was trying to seduce their boyfriends. The boys would call me a tease, even when I stayed far away and did nothing to attract their attention. I’d gotten used to it. It didn’t bother me. it was the way of the world for me. Ad it wasn’t like I could honestly deny some of it.

I looked at handsome alphas and wanted them. I wanted to be held and cherished. To be bought pretty things and cared for. It had taken decades for me to beat that part of mine into submission. To remind myself that if I ever let that part of me out, it would destroy me.

But love? Being in love with someone?

I didn’t know what that could have been like for Jungkook.

Or maybe I had but I couldn’t recognize it because I’d never received it myself. Whatever the cause, it was for me, a fairytale. It was hard to imagine people loving each other so much, to the extent that they would die for each other. ( Jungkook’s words still hung in the back of my mind : that he had wanted to follow her even in death )

Jungkook was right.

I could never know what his loss was like.

Because I would never know what he had lost.

It felt a little like being dipped in an ice cold lake in the middle of winter. My skin broke out in shivers, hair standing on end and I felt my throat go dry so swiftly. I’d never wanted to run away so much. I wrapped a hand sound myself, scooting back on the bed again. I reached for the blanket, wanting to pull it over my head and curl into a ball.

Shut out the world and all the things that didn’t make sense.

“Are you alright?” Jungkook’s voice broke through the haze in my head and I swallowed. He had an alpha’s voice and my body responded even if my mind resisted. It didn’t happen all the time. Jungkook couldn’t control me. But sometimes when I was feeling vulnerable, instincts took over . I was already dropping the blanket and smiling softly.

“Mina’s out for a walk.” I croaked out, surprised at how awful my voice sounded.

I felt the press of something against my fingers and I blinked, staring at the glass of water Jungkook was pressing into my hand.

“Don’t worry, I called them and told them not to come over.” He said quietly , watching me drink with still trembling fingers.

I swallowed and stared at him.

“I... Thank you. “ I said fervently, feeling a few knots come undone in my gut. I couldn’t really stand up to Jungkook’s parents the way I did with Sooah’s parents. Because Jungkook loved them deeply and hurting them would be the same as hurting him.

“There’s a party in a couple of days. It’s my birthday. I’m turning 34. Yugyeom’s organizing the whole thing, so I’m going to hire a babysitter for Mina, because Jin hyung will be there too and you need help caring for her anyway. You can stay home and rest. ” he said .

I scoffed.

“I’m going to come with you.” I said firmly.

Jungkook frowned.

“What?”

I glared at him.

“I’m not letting you go to a party organized by your shit for brains friend, Jungkook. You’ll probably end up getting drunk out of your mind and killing someone and I’m not going to hang around to clean that up. I’m coming to that party and I’m making sure you don’t have more than one drink. “

Jungkook’s frown deepened into a scowl.

Did you ever look at your wife , like this? With so much loathing? I thought stupidly. Or did she only ever get to see the sweet and wonderful side of you? Did she ever annoy you the way i seem to every second of the damn day ? Did you hate certain things about her too? Or was she so perfect that you could only feel love ?

“ I can take care of myself. Its my birthday , I can do whatever the fuck I want.“ He snapped.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Not unless you’re a five year old kid in the sandpit, which you’re not. You’re an adult and when you make stupid decisions as an adult, very real people end up paying for it. You’re old enough to know this Jungkook and for once, just listen to me. You can drink, fine. But I’m going to be there and if I see that you’re getting drunk, I’m going to bring you home. You either agree or I’m going to call Yoongi oppa .”

That made him pause.

“Fine. Fuck you.” He snapped, turning on his heel and stalking out of the room. A few seconds later I heard the door to the shower slam shut.

I wanted to follow him and shake some sense into him but before I could decide if it was worth jostling my body, when another sharp pain lanced through my ribs.

Oh great.

I took deep breaths the way Yoongi had taught me. Apparently, pneumonia was a thing that could happen, so i had to breath carefully to reduce the risk of that happening.

The birthday party organized by Yugyeom was going to be a whole entire migraine inducing disaster. I could already feel the headache come on. It still amazed me that Jungkook was friends with him and his cronies.

Yugyeom and his friends were the typical; brain dead alphas who thought themselves superior to all other ranks. Even worse, they viewed omegas as objects: fucktoys to be more precise and I bristled when i remembered the way he had always stared at me.

Well, if he stepped anywhere near me, I would kick him in the teeth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jungkook’s mother turned up at home the next day, I wasn’t entirely surprised. I wasn’t surprised but it didn’t make things any more pleasant.

“We’re willing to take Mina for a couple of days if you would both need time to prepare for the party. This is the first big event Jungkook’s holding after Sooah’s passing and we want it to be perfect. As his wife, i hope you’ll do your part.”

Mrs Jeon’s pinched face did nothing for my already frayed temper.

“There’s not much i can do with a cracked rib, mother.” I said politely. It stung, having to call this bitter, cruel woman mother but then, such was life. It was late afternoon and Jungkook was probably sitting in the comfort of his air conditioned office, being flattered and doted on by his smitten secretary while I sat here entertaining his vicious mother.

“Nonsense, you’ve probably just scratched it. I know how you omegas like to exaggerate. “ she waved off my injury easily. “ There are so many details that need to be decided on and its unfair to drop all of those responsibilities on poor yugyeom’s head. Why don’t you go with him and help out a bit?”

The idea of going anywhere with Kim Yugeom was easily the most repugnant thing to me.

“I’m sure he knows Jungkook much better than I do. If i interfered, I’d only be getting in his way.” I said politely.

Mrs. Jeon hummed.

“Well, its good that he’s agreed to the party at least. That woman never let him meet with Yugyeom or his friends when she was around.”

That woman being Jungkook’s late wife.

I felt a sudden fondness for her. Clearly she had also recognized Yugyeom for the absolute pig that he was and kept her husband away from his rotten influence . But unlike with her, Jungkook didn’t actually care about me. So I had no way of stopping him from meeting the idiots. Yugyeom’s family was rich and reputed and it was clear that the Jeons wanted the friendship and the connection. Why else would they keep pushing for it so much?

“Is there any particular reason you’re here, mother?” I said finally, after hearing her babble on and on about caterers and invitations and what not.

“I was hoping to meet Mina...why isn’t she here?”

“I’m not able to care for her well, what with the rib. The doctor has advised me to rest so Jin oppa takes care of her during the day. Jungkook picks her back up on his way back from office. I can send her over to your place with him this weekend.”

“That would be fine i suppose. Have you spoken to the decorators about changing the portraits put up in the house?”

I blinked.

“Sorry?”

“The penthouse, we’ve got it back now right? why don’t you move there. We have a cook and a housekeeper .”]

“this is closer to Jungkook’s office.” I had no idea where the penthouse was and could only hope it was farther way.

Mrs. Jeon frowned.

“This apartment is too small. Not to mention, you still have Sooah’s photos everywhere in this place. Surely that’s not healthy. Get rid of them and put up pictures of you and Jungkook.”

Jungkook’s parents didn’t know that our marriage had an expiry date. i wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad thing. But they saw me as nothing more than a way to get rid of Sooah from the deepest recesses of Jungkook’s mind.

“I’m sure, with time...Jungkook can make that decision by himself. When he’s ready for it.” I said gently, beginning the fresh throb of pain near my temple.

“Nonsense, Heejin. Men won’t ever move on until you force them. Have you considered getting pregnant?”

I jumped about a foot into the air.

“I...what.” I croaked out.

“You need a child too. He mated you. He owes you that. I’m going to tell him that he better do his duty by you.” She said firmly.

“Please don’t.” I shouted, stunned out of my mind. Was this woman even sane?

“Why not?” She frowned looking at me like i was the one being unreasonable.

Why not? Because its barely been four months since he lost his wife of seven years to childbirth. Surely, you don’t think the remedy to that is to have him go through it all over again.

“ Mina is still small, mother. I’m sure we can wait a while. Maybe after she’s one or two.”

Jungkook would probably move on by then. Of course he would. Grief was overwhelming but it was also finite. It did get smaller over time. Easier to cope with. Jungkook would eventually be able to navigate his life around his grief. He would learn to make new connections and who was to say one of those wouldn’t be a compatible match?

So two years from now, there was no reason Jungkook shouldn’t meet another lovely woman, a beta maybe and eventually expand his family. Of course i would be nowhere in the picture at the time. But that was fine.

I remembered something I’d read somewhere, a while back.

If two people are like ships that pass in the night, they meet by chance for a short time , then do not see each other ever again.

Like ships passing by each other in the night, I reminded myself. That's what Jungkook and I were.

“Well, if you think that’s wise.... fine. But now that Jungkook’s doing well, why don’t you entertain people more often? You haven’t had a dinner party here yet, have you?”

And so it went on, over an over for a whole two hours until I was wrung out from sheer exhaustion, my head throbbing and nails having dug half moon indents into my palms from fisting my hands too hard.

By the time i finally closed the door on her face, I couldn’t help but sag against the door, sinking to the floor in a heap, cracked rib be damned.

I glanced up at the solo portrait on the wall. The one my mother in law had wanted gone.

“She must’ve really hated you, huh?” I said casually pulling myself up to my feet and moving to the dining space to stare at her face more closely.

She was dressed in her wedding gown, a fitted mermaid dress with lace and satin detailing. She had a bouquet of white lilies in one hand, elbows bent and the blooms resting on her shoulder while her other hand curved around her slender waist.

Beautiful was an understatement, I thought vacantly.

“ You look like you didn’t put up with people’s bullshit. That’s cool I guess.” I smiled a little. “ You know in another world, we may have been friends.”

I bit my lips.

“Yugyeom was shitty to you too huh? He seems the type. i’m glad you kept Jungkook away from him. I wish you’d somehow help get him away again. He doesn’t listen to me. Thinks I’m trying to control him or something. ”

It was ridiculous. What was i doing.. Why was i talking to a framed picture on the wall. God.

But now that I’d started, I couldn’t quite stop.

“About what happened with Jungkook... I don’t want you to think i was seducing him or anything. And when i said that I hated him calling your name when we... well you know why i said it right? It wasn’t anything personal...i was just pissed. I don’t enjoy the sex by the way... I don’t think he does either but he’s an alpha and you know how it is…they need that release or they kind of lose their mind .. So trust me we both hate the principle of it.... but at least he cums and well I don’t. He’s never made me cum. That should say something about how we feel about each other.......”

“Uh.. Should I come back later?” The voice near the doorway was so unexpected my heart jumped right to my throat and I screamed, stumbling a bit to the side.

Min Yoongi stood framed by the door, one hand wrapped around a bouquet of flowers and the other clutching his bag and stethoscope. He still had his white coat on over his shirt and slacks, hair mussed like he’d run his finger through it.

It took me a second to remember that Yoongi had a key to the house.

Another second to remember exactly what I’d been doing when he came inside.

Good God.

Had he heard the part where I’d talked about Jungkook not making me cum? Surely not? Oh Please no.

“Jungkook told me to check on you. That you couldn’t sleep last night? Are you in a lot of pain?”

Jungkook and I had shared the bed in his room last night and I had apparently, tossed and turned and whimpered through the night in pain. Or so Jungkook claimed.

“Uh... I’m not sure. He said so... so..”

“you guys sleep together right?” Yoongi asked casually, taking his coat off. I stared at the way the material of the shirt strained over his shoulders, my throat just a little dry.

Yoongi smelled so ridiculously good. He was a doctor and he was so handsome and kind to me. The attraction would have been there even if i had been a beta but as an omega, the urge to just fling myself at him and beg him to make me his, it was kind of horrifying.

Tamping down that part of me, I gave him a casual shrug, heart still pounding.

“Yeah. There’s just two bedrooms here and one is Mina’s nursery. So ...” I finished awkwardly, watching him move around and place his bag on the table before unwinding the stethoscope, placing it around his collar.

He gave me a small smile.

“I’ll just take a quick look and check how your breathing sounds. that okay?” He asked gently.

“Oh... sure. You need me to take my shirt off?” I asked curiously.

He gave me a quick little smirk.

“Not for medical reasons no.” He winked.

I felt blood rush to my face along with guilt. What was I doing? This was Jungkook’s best friend!! His hyung. Someone he trusted and I was his....

His what?

Nothing. I was Jungkook’s nothing. When was the last time someone had flirted with me . Someone who wasn’t a grade A creep.

Yoongi moved closer, sitting down on the kitchen stool and beckoned me to come stand between his thighs. i moved, achingly aware of how much more potent his scent was up close. He looked up at me through sooty black lashes, a small smirk on his lips, feline eyes warm and open .

“Put your hands on my shoulders, yeah?” He prompted.

I hesitated, fingers shaking just a little before reaching out to rest on this shirt. I kept the touch feather light , the softness of his shirt the only thing I could feel.

He hummed and bending down to lightly tug the hem of my shirt out of the waistline of my jeans. I bit my lips to stop myself from squirming.

He glanced up , eyes meeting mine and holding my gaze.

“You good?”

“Uhuhbuh.” I stuttered and he grinned wider, pulling the fabric up to the curve of my breasts. He lightly ran his finger tips over the bruised skin , humming thoughtfully .

“You’ll be fine in a few weeks. Hang on.” He pulled back, plugging the steth in his hear before holding the other end up to my chest. He pressed it against my skin, just before the underwire of my bra and it was unexpectedly cold .

I jumped, fingers curling on his shoulder and squeezing down.

“Hey.. what’s wrong?” Yoongi whispered, hands reaching for my waist, gently holding me steady and I flushed. He looked genuinely worried , lips turned down and brows furrowed and i felt absolutely stupid.

“Sorry. Sorry.... It’s nothing.. i just.. it’s a little cold.” I laughed nervously and his gaze softened.

One hand still curved around my waist, he brought the diaphragm up to his mouth, holding my gaze as he gently breathed warm air all over it.

My throat went instantly dry and i had to swallow. He pressed it against my chest again and this time it was so much warmer. .

“Better?” He prompted and i nodded, guilt and discomfort churning in my stomach. What was i doing? I had no business indulging him. i had no business indulging any man. Ever.

I looked away, pulling my hands up off his shoulder, pushing his hand off my hip as well . He didn’t say anything his shoulders stiffened at the subtle rejection.

A mantle of awkward tension settled over us, a small thundercloud of regret and that threatened to rain misery all over us. I wanted to kick myself. He was older than Jungkook by four years. Thirty eight years old.

Did he have a girlfriend? Oh god, what if he was martried?

Nausea threatened.

“Your breathing sounds fine. Are you practicing those breathing exercises , I taught you?” He asked casually and I nodded . I couldn’t trust myself to speak.

“Hey...” He said gently and I flinched.

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out. “ I didn’t mean to lead you on or tease you in any way and I’m sorry if i came on to you ...”

“What?! Heejin, stop. That’s bullshit. You never did any such thing. This was all me.” He said firmly.

I stared at him.

“I know you’re married but... your marriage, its going to end right? Eventually.”

I made to step back but he grabbed my waist again, this time a few inches over my jean and his fingers on the bare skin of my midriff made me want to melt. He had long slender fingers, a surgeons hands, and the press of it on my skin felt so foreign and gentle and different and good.

“We don’t have to do anything. I just... I thought we could get to know each other. Over coffee or dinner.”

I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

Because Yoongi was beautiful and handsome and so good and so much more than I could ever even dream of, but he was and would always be so intricately woven with Jungkook and with Jungkook’s life. And I couldn’t imagine anything more messy than sticking around and watching Jungkook and his daughter forget me and move on.

“It’s.... probably a terrible idea. “ I said roughly, shaking my head. “ Its the kind of idea that would never end well.”

“Are you sure? Because unlike Jungkook, i could probably make you cum.” He winked and I felt my face flame red.

“Oh God...” I hissed, stumbling back. This time he let me move away, merely chuckling and reaching for his coat and bag .

“I won’t bother you again. But the offer’s always open, yeah?” He smiled again. “ You need me to send over more pain meds?”

I shook my head mutely, begging him to just leave already.

He nodded and held his hand up in a casual wave before walking out of the door. I collapsed on the stool and dropped my head into my arms , groaning.

What had i gotten myself into.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t actually see Jungkook for a couple of days. The meds knocked me out and he worked overtime, only arriving after I’d slept off and leaving before i woke up. Jin brought Mina around everyday and there was something absolutely exhilarating about watching her clutch at her little teething toys and rattles, gummy smile peeking out every few minutes.

On a whim, i told Jin what had happened with Yoongi and much to my surprise he actually laughed.

“About time . He’s been pining for what three years now?”

I gaped at him, completely thrown.

“I..he.. what.” I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around what I had heard.

“He saw you at that art exhibition you put up in the Hyatt . By the way, don’t you paint anymore?”

I flushed.

I had no proper response to that. What could i say? That my painting had just been yet another way to control me, only appreciated by father when he could use it to make more money. And that part of my marriage contract included that I wouldn’t paint or make any money off my art for the duration that I stayed with Jungkook.

It was just yet another way my father reminded me that he controlled him. I didn’t fight him because he would win anyway. And the only thing he loved more than controlling people was winning battles that were always rigged in his favor. i wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. I would soldier through this awful marriage and at the end of it , i would disappear without a trace.

I shook my head vaguely and Jin hummed.

“Yoongi doesn’t understand art but he hung around the entire nine hours , morning to night . Three whole days of him just pretending to look at the artwork while secretly making moon eyes at you.”

I could only stare in sheer disbelief.

“i... i never knew.”

“How could you? Yoongi’s idea of courting is pretending he doesn’t exist and fading into the background. “ Jin rolled his eyes. “ He tried approaching your father to officially court you but your old man shut that down rather brutally.”

I swallowed .

“I... I’m sorry.” i said feeling foolish. Three years...what? I couldn’t think beyond the shock of the information.

“Does Jungkook know?” I asked , scared.

Jin shook his head.

“Like I said Yoongi never made it known . He was afraid it would make life difficult for you. He didn’t want any rumors around because everyone knew your father was looking to offer you to someone rich and young. Yoongi was what , fifteen years older? That’s quite a difference.”

“Thirty eight isn’t old.” I said sharply and Jin’s brow went up.

“Oh?” He questioned teasingly and I flushed.

“Jungkook is eleven years older. What’s another four more years?” I shrugged.

“You’re interested then.” Jin said thoughtfully. I recoiled, shaking my head quickly.

“I...what? No. No I’m not. “

“Why not? If it isn’t the age, then there’s no reason to say no. Yoongi is handsome , settled and a great guy all around and besides, your time with Jungkook is finite right?”

“I... I won’t cheat on him.” I said firmly. “ i can’t... I... besides, Jungkook and I... we’re... we have sex.” My ears turned red, “ I can’t do that with two guys... I’m not like that. “

Jin nodded.

“Its alright.. Heejinah ...I’m sorry if i pressured you or anything. You don’t have to do anything. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. Yoongi probably got carried away . More than likely he’s going to panic and avoid you for a year just to recover.” He laughed and I smiled reluctantly.

“He’s nice I don’t want to hurt him. “ I said softly.

“ Sometimes that’s just inevitable . People get hurt no matter what we choose.” Jin gave me a sad little smile. “ Jungkook is just as nice a gy as Yoongi. If not better. He’s just...not in the right headspace to show that side of himself to you. I wish you’d known him before Sooah. He used to be this...playful and funny kid. We all went out of our way to keep him safe. Sooah was just as amazing. Usually , we try to find flaws in people our friends date right? Well trust me Sooah was hard to dislike .” He laughed, eyes misting over as his gaze landed on her portrait over the mantle.

I followed his gaze and swallowed.

“Do you think Jungkook will ever get over her?” I asked simply.

Jin hesitated.

“Someday? Probably yes. But it won’t be easy. He’s ... He feels things deeply. He always has. He loved her deeply, he cared for her deeply and so its only obvious that he’s going to feel the loss of her presence very deeply too.”

I nodded.

“Its his birthday tomorrow.” I said softly. “ I have a gift for him. Well its not a gift from me, but a gift nonetheless. But I’m not sure if I should give it to him.”

Jin gave me a surprised look.

“What do you mean?”

I smiled bitterly.

“Just that sometimes fate can be very cruel when it chooses its players. I’m forever wondering if he would be better off or worse without me in the picture and I just can’t decide.”

“Different. He would just be different.” Jin said calmly.

There was nothing else i could say to that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yugyeom had rented out the rooftop restaurant in one of the poshest Hotels in Seoul and although the party was a pool party, I hadn’t bothered dressing for it. I wore a plain sequined top and burgundy skirt that fanned out around me knees.

The place was teeming with people his age , friends acquaintances and business partners. The women had changed into bright , skimpy bikinis and lounged about in the brightly lit pool tossing a ball around .

The older people were being hosted by the Jeons on the lower level of the restaurant in a posh ballroom. Jungkook and i would have to visit them later but for now I was content sipping a mocktail, leaning against the bar while Hoseok and Lisa flanked me on either side, pointing out who was sleeping with who.

Jungkook was in the pool with Yugyeom and Jimin and it was impossible to tear my eyes away from him. He looked happy almost, laughing and shaking water out of his hair as he moved around with the strength and agility of an Olympic athlete. Yoongi was in the pool as well and on the opposite team with Jin and Namjoon....and it was increasingly obvious that the half a dozen bikini clad women were there simply for an excuse to touch the handsome alphas as they worked up a sweat.

“Jungkook is such a competitive bastard.” Hoseok laughed. “But I don’t know what’s gotten into Yoongi today. i can’t believe he’s in the pool. “

“Of his own volition. “ Lisa added. “ usually someone has to strip him and toss him in.

Yoongi kept glancing at me every few minutes. It was impossible to miss. It was also impossible to miss that at least three of the six women in the pool were trying to get into his pants.

I sighed and turned back to the bartender asking for a refill. when i turned back around, Jungkook and Yugyeom were climbing out of the pool and Jin was moving to the opposite side to take their place with Jimin.

“Jungkook and i are going to go get a drink. Anything for you , beautiful?” Yugyeom reached out to touch me and I almost fell in my haste to get away from him.

“Keep your hands off me.” I snapped . Jungkook frowned.

“No need to be rude, Heejin , he was just being polite.” He said softly and i smelt the alcohol on his breath.

“Don’t drink too much Jungkook.”

“Oh come on, beautiful., Its his birthday let him live a little...” Yugyeom laughed and I glared at him.

“I’d rather have him live longer “ I snapped. “ And that can’t happen if you keep trying to give him alcohol poisoning.”

Yugyeom rolled his eyes.

“Is she always this dramatic, Jungkook-ah.” Yugyeom laughed. Jungkook didn’t laugh but he gave me a look that said, ‘ please don’t make a scene’ and I bit my lips.

I didn’t want to ruin his night. He looked ....so close to a normal person tonight and whether I liked it or not Yugyeom had contributed to that. The music was apparently Jungkook’s favorites only, the pool because he loved volleyball in the water and the buffet had all his favorite foods. Yugyeom had gone out of his way to make the party perfect and i suddenly felt like the troll stomping on Jungkook’s happiness.

Swallowing my own instinct to drag my husband away from the alpha who had his arms around him, I turned away and walked off to the pool. Yoongi’s face lit up when he saw me.

“Hey there, angel. Here to watch me kick some ass? “ He cupped his hands in the water, before tossing a handful of water at me. I blinked in surprise, laughing a little.

“I’m just here to cheer Jin oppa. “ I said impishly, moving over to the lounge chair near his side of the pool. Yoongi’s pout was adorable and I couldn’t help but laugh.

Maybe I could stop worrying about Jungkook for a while. Yugyeom wasn’t dangerous. Even if he got a little drunk, I was still here. So were all of our friends.

It would be fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it wasn’t fine.

An hour later, I found Jungkook in a room filled with cigarette smoke and light music, yugeyom and his friends scattered around the place with a few beautiful women lounging about on their laps.

“You said one drink Yugyeom...he’s completely out of his mind.” I said shrilly staring at where Jungkook sat on the couch , shirtless and laughing as some girl in a bikini ran her fingers up and down his arm. She had one leg draped over his thigh. I felt sick at the very sight of it.

its because he’s drunk , I told myself. He’s drunk and can’t consent, that’s why you feel sick, nothing else.

Yugyeom gave me an easy smile.

“Guy just wants to have some fun. Reina’s a friend of mine. She’ll take good care of him don’t worry. She’s the birthday gift i got him. “ He leered.

I resisted the urge to punch him in the face.

Glaring at him,

“Jungkook, we’re leaving. Come on.” I made to move towards him but a hand shot out, gripping my wrist like a vice.

“Not so fast baby.... I already paid for her. You can’t just waltz in here and take away her livelihood.” He sneered. “ Unless you want to take her place. This is a special bar you know. All these lovelies, they have something in common with you.”

I stared at him frowning.

“What does that mean?”

“I hired them from an omega escort agency...you know because that’s all you omegas are useful for anyway.”

I rolled my eyes, yanking on my wrist.

“You and your medieval ideals can go to hell. I’m going home. Jungkook!!” I yelled again and this time Jungkook turned eyes landing on me.

“Heejin?” He slurred.

“We need to go home, Jungkook.” I said firmly.

“Now?” He blinked. I nodded.

“Yes now.” I made to move away but this time Yugyeom wrapped both arms around my waist, pinning me to his body. Pain , sharp and unbearable shot up my ribs and I whimpered. He was squeezing too hard and God what if the cracked rib just snapped?

Panic began setting in and I yelped.

“Let me go you bastard.” I struggled to get away, staring in disbelief at my husband .

Jungkook was standing but he swayed dangerously. There was no clarity there and his eyes were hooded. He was drunk. Really, really drunk.

“Jungkook tell him to let me go!!” I yelled , trying to tamp down the panic that was rising up my throat.

“Don’t worry Kook. Just gonna ask her to wait outside for a while. Why don’t you finish your conversation with Reina.. i’ll entertain your wife for a while.” He drawled and i felt my entire body go ice cold at that.

Jungkook was blinking rapidly, the words clearly not registering and genuine terror began to bleed into my veins. Jungkook couldn’t even fathom that i was in genuine danger here, let alone help me. Oh God, why had i come alone? Where were the others??

Yugyeom held me tighter and i swallowed a groan . My ribs felt like they were on fire.

“Let’s take this somewhere private, Heejin?” He whispered into my neck and i couldn’t believe it. Yugyeom was drunk yes, but was this idiot also insane?

“Wait...no.. Yugeyom don’t be a fucking idiot. If you touch me, that’s fucking rape...You can go to prison for that .” I shouted, trying to drill some sense into his head. He wasn’t going to risk prison to make a point was he??

“Not if you seduce me angel...and you’re going to... Or I’ll just tell people you did...same difference , right?” he whispered.

And then he began dragging me off to the corner and my eyes fell on a side door leading out of the room .

If you let him take you there this is going to become frighteningly real, a voice screamed in my head and I inhale deeply, ready to scream loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the damned building.

The door opened just as I opened my mouth and I froze, watching Mrs Jeon walk into the lounge, looking lost.

“What is this place?” She muttered out loud looking around and the arms around me fell away so fast, I crashed to the floor.

“Heejin-ah!” Yoongi’s voice came from right behind her and I flinched, willing my shaking legs to stop trembling.

“Mrs. Jeon...” I muttered, voice strained and ribs throbbing.

“Heejin? What is going on here? Where’s my son?”

“Fuck... Jungkook-ah...” Yoongi moved to get him and I took a deep steadying breath.

Years ago , I’d taken a self defence class and one thing i’d definitely enjoyed learning was how to throw a punch. And It wasn’t something i’d forgotten.

Planting my feet firmly , i lightly rotated my hips, a subtle shift, before engaging my core , drawing all the fury and helpless rage inside me into my fist. I pulled my shoulders in and took a deep breath. Punch past your target , i told myself. You’re not just going to break his jaw you’re going to put him in the hospital tonight.

“Mrs. Jeon, Jungkook had a great time toni-” His voice was all i needed to hear to know exactly where his mouth was behind me.

i relaxed my muscles as i threw the punch, contracting them just as my fist landed on Kim Yugyeom’s face.

The satisfying sound of flesh on bone felt like music to my ears and Yugyeom’s sharp cry of sheer agonizing pain even sweeter.

He crashed to the floor in a heap and I could feel my fist throb like hell. I was going to bruise so badly. But it was worth it.

“That was for telling me that you were going to rape me and tell everyone that i seduced you.” I said calmly.

Yoongi let out a noise of disbelief.

“What the actual fuck.....” He shouted.

“Yugyeom what the fuck man? Are you out of your damned mind?” One of his friends yelled. Yugyeom merely groaned.

He couldn’t answer, blood trickling down his chin and hands cradling his jaw, whimpers falling out of his mouth. My own fist throbbed like hell so the damage had to be significant.

Mrs Jeon looked horrified and when she opened her mouth i quickly held a hand up.

“I’m not doing this. Not tonight. “ I said calmly. Jungkook was quiet, the way he always got when he was drunk and I groaned.

It was going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We need to talk.” I said calmly and Jungkook swallowed.

“Heejin, I’m -”

“Hear me out first Jungkook.” I said sharply. “ I don’t need your apology, it means nothing to me because it means nothing to you. You’re not sorry that you didn’t help me last night. You’re just angry that you had to help at all. You don’t give a fuck about me. I know that and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is you getting drunk to the point that you don’t even recognize that someone’s in need of help. “

I took a deep breath.

“If you did it to me, you’ll do it to your daughter too. Yugyeom is going to get you drunk someday when you’re taking care of Mina by yourself and then when she needs you, what are you going to do?”

“You’re right... I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk -”

“I’m only here , talking to you , because of your daughter. If it was just you, I wouldn’t give a damn because you’re an adult and if you make your bed , you can just lie on it. It wouldn’t bother me. But Mina...she’s not capable of making the right choices. She need a father who can make the right choices, because whatever shitty choice you make, your daughter is going to be there along for the ride whether she wants to or not. You drive your car off a cliff tomorrow , she’s going to be there in the car seat laughing because she doesn’t know the consequences of your choices. “

I clenched my fists to keep my voice even. To stop myself from yelling.

“I have something for you. “

I grabbed the brown paper wrapped canvas from under the table.

“It’s a painting . Your wife commissioned me to make this a year ago when she got pregnant.”

He froze so eerily still that it made me nervous.

“At first , i wasn’t sure if i should be giving it to you because well... because i was marrying you ... I wasn’t sure that it would be right, coming from me ...because I was taking your wife’s place after all...”

i laughed.

“Now I know that's just bullshit. I don’t have a place in your life. I’m a nobody. This isn’t about me. This is about you. She told me back then that you were nervous about being a father. That was all she said. And she wanted me to pain this. “ I held the canvas out to him.

“You can see it. I’m going to go stay with Jin oppa for a few days. I want you to see it. It shows how your wife saw you. The kind of father she hoped you would be. I want you to see it and make a choice. You can either get the help you need. “ i took a deep breath, “ Or I’m going to tell Yoongi that you’re incompetent to be a father. He’ll file charges , “ I had to close my eyes to get the next words out, “ and you will lose custody of your daughter.”

Jungkook inhaled sharply, hands curling into fists on his knees.

“i hope you make the right choice.”

I wrapped both my arms around myself and walked out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s note. :

I’m so exhausted I’ll tag people tomorrow!

.@girlinthemikrokosmos @xius-exos @sugainfireslex @yunkichiee@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland @veronawrites @blr1004 @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay@squishyjk @itsdingdong @emmmui @honeeybunneey @yeonkiminnie

@just-me-and-myselfs @delicate-snow-flake @kpop-lore @beautifulvirgobutterfly @sumzysworld @btsmylife21 @teresaisla

.@melrosaeparker @taestannie @dchimminie @ meraki--life @somewhereinthestarss @mawwnsterr @kookiesbreaky @chimchoom

#jungkook smut #jungkook fics #jeon jungkook #bts fanfics #bts smut fic #bts smut #bts fics #bts #jungkook #bts scenarios

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bruhlsbees · 4 years ago

Text

tom foolery || clown!daniel x fem!reader

summary: the one where reader fucks a party clown

pairing: clown!daniel x fem!reader

word count: 9,429

warnings: cheating (reader’s husband is off cheating and reader sleeps with daniel), grey!daniel character, drinking (reader and daniel), car sex, daniel gets his clown makeup over reader (it's a messy situation), breeding kink, breastfeeding/lactation kink, oral sex (f receiving), squirting, unprotected sex, degradation, spanking, spitting, slapping (y'all know the big 3), bondage, roleplay?? (i mean he's a lit birthday clown), 18+, nsfw, minors dni

a/n: y'all thought i was joking with this one, huh - thanks to everyone who listened to this weird idea and helped me hash everything out (and yes i left this open-ended bc if for some reason this goes well i will do another part) and this is probably my most smuttiest of smuts written so just throwing that out now

For the majority of the ride to your best friend’s house all had gone well: your son was asleep in the backseat and you were listening to a podcast that you had just recently discovered. It was the calm before the storm - the facade you would have to put on of being the perfect white picket fence housewife.

You didn’t hate being a mother, but you did hate the social gatherings that came with it. The baseball games, holiday parties at school, birthdays - what made it worse was the obvious fact that you were that mom. The one with the failing marriage that nobody wanted to bring up.

It was common for you to show up to most of the social gatherings alone. Your husband either at the office or on a work retreat that kept him from making an appearance. Honestly, it was probably for the better - given how shit his attitude was the majority of the time.

So when you were interrupted from your semi-alone time to bask in your thoughts to a call coming through from him, you were left with a bad taste in your mouth.

“Hey, are you at the party yet?” Your husband questioned through the van’s speakers, although it seemed like he was preoccupied with something else in the background. It sounded loud, like he was out in public.

“No, almost there though. Maybe five minutes away,” You replied, sighing gently, “I wish you would come to these once in a while. I hate doing this alone.”

He hummed in thought, as if pretending to listen. You thought maybe, maybe, for once he was actually listening, but to your avail, it wasn’t any different.

“And did you get the present? You know I’m out of town all weekend so I can’t just come and drop it off if you forgot aga-”

“Yes,” You whined, not wanting to hear another lecture by your husband about all the things you were doing wrong. “It’s right next to me, I didn’t forget it.”

You paused for a moment and tried to listen to the background noise of where he was at. It didn’t sound like he was in the car, nor in an office. Curiosity got the best of you and you finally let the question slip.

“Where are you even going to be this weekend?”

“Work stuff,” He rushed, “Remember? I told you all week. Department is going out of state to a retreat on communicationation between co-workers.”

How fucking ironic.

But he hadn’t, though. No matter how much he wanted to gaslight you into thinking he had, you knew that there wasn’t a peep about it from him. Your lousy husband was avoiding you all week like he always did leading up to a weekend away with his mistress. Late nights at the office and early mornings going in. You weren’t stupid, you knew he was seeing someone else - you weren’t quite sure how long it had been going on for, but long enough for you to grow tired of his shit.

“Momma, are we almost there?”

At the sound of your son’s voice, your gaze went from the road ahead of you and to the rear-view mirror, staring at him as he woke up. Smiling weakly, you nodded your head before your attention went back to the road.

“Yes, buddy, just a few more minutes.”

Your son rubbed his eyes and yawned, sitting up in his booster seat and grabbing one of his books that he kept in the car to keep himself occupied the remainder of the ride, ignoring the conversation between you and his father.

If you were more analytic about your husband’s life that he hid from you, perhaps you would have gotten out of the marriage sooner, but that was just it, you hadn’t. And when your son came into the picture, it made leaving that much harder.

“Look, I gotta go,” He cleared his throat before exhaling - as if he were growing tired of the conversation. “I’ll be back home Monday.”

You nodded your head, laughing to yourself as your hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, your knuckles going white. You didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye before the call dropped, just as you were turning onto the road that your son’s friend lived on.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

You couldn’t pinpoint which was worse - the screaming children or the awful clown music. Your best friend had hired a party clown for the occasion and while you weren’t terrified of them, despite growing up in the age of Stephen King’s IT, you found them to be incredibly annoying.

The clown - Dandy - was a hit with the kids, which proved your best friend’s point of being a good distraction for the kids while the adults could breathe. While the kids were entertained by the balloon animals and lousy clown puns, you were in the kitchen, checking to see if maybe you could see where your husband was based on his Snapchat location - but alas, he had turned it off.

“You really just gotta get a divorce already.”

Jumping slightly, you looked up from your phone and watched your best friend waltz into the kitchen, holding two slices of cake in her hands. She smiled and handed you one, leaning against the island in the middle of the modern-style kitchen.

You happily took the cake, tucking your phone in your pocket before leaning against the sink, staring ahead at her, “I know, it’s just-”

“Hard? Tell me about it,” Your friend laughed and shook her head, stabbing in her own slice, “I still have to explain to Ava everyday why Mommy and Daddy don’t live with each other. Sometimes I think maybe I should have just sucked it up and stuck with it. At least until she was older.”

While you couldn’t agree completely with her guilt, you both had known each other long enough to meet in the middle. You could both agree that your kids came first and were both willing to sacrifice a lot for them...but she was able to get out, still keep her life relatively the same and be happy. Sometimes you wondered if she realized how jealous you were of her.

“She’ll understand in the future though and she’ll know that you were the one who stuck around and not him,” Swallowing your bite of cake, you tilted your head to the side, “Where is he even at?”

Laughing sarcastically, your friend shook her head and rolled her eyes, tears welling in her eyes, “With his other family. The one he seems to be more invested in nowadays rather than the first.”

Your lips pulled into a tight line, nodding before your eyes fell down to your plate, stabbing at the slice of cake, unsure with what you wanted to say next. You knew of the current situation, but weren’t sure how far you should be inserting yourself into their business. It was, after all, their relationship and not yours.

The fading musical tune brought both of you from your cake and to the archway that led to the living room, kids stampeding out of the room and outback to crack open the pinata. You let out a chuckle and shook your head, another party - another stupid pinata.

“Maybe we can string him up - the ex.” You suggested, a smirk at the corner of your mouth while your friend turned, looking at you with a humorous expression.

“Like in that one movie? What was it, Cat in the Hat?” The two of you laughed, both shaking your head while she moved to throw her plate away going to head outside. She stopped, though, when she noticed you not following. “You coming?”

“In a minute,” You explained, nodding her off to head out without you, “I’m just going to finish my cake and then I’ll be out. Don’t let him get too feisty with the bat. He’s been big into baseball recently.”

Your son was passionate, that was for sure, he reminded you of your husband in that sense - but sometimes even the six-year-old had more strength than you could imagine. The last thing you wanted to have happened was him accidentally hitting one of the other kids and you getting a lecture from the other parents about ‘disciplining your child’.

But you knew your best friend wouldn’t let that happen - and off she went to be the ‘perfect host’, her tone switching from her normal neutral voice to a more peppy version, trying her best to fit into the role she was meant to play.

When the chaos outside was muffled by the screen door closing, your head dropped back down to your almost empty plate, finishing off the rest of you slice before moving your fingers to the plate. With one swipe you coated your index, middle, and ring finger in the frosting, sucking on the sugar. With your fingers in your mouth, your brain wandered back to your phone, bouncing back and forth as to whether or not you should message him.

No, why even bother, he’ll just send you to voicemail and never call you back.

Bubbling in your own thoughts, you blinked at the frustrated tears and bit down gently on your fingers, attempting to stop yourself from quiet before you saw the assortment of rainbow figure crashing your self-pity moment, stopping in the archway with a flask in his hands.

“Oh, shit, sorry - I thought everyone had gone outside.”

It was a lot to take in - the clown. It wasn’t that him being a clown made you uncomfortable, but him finding you on the brink of tears with your fingers stuffed in your mouth. Pulling your fingers out of your mouth, you quickly wiped them onto your jeans before clearing your throat, avoiding his gaze while you tossed your plate away in the trash can next to him.

“You’re fine, I um, sorry- did you need something?” You took a step back and looked up at him, your eyes glancing down at the flask in his hand, “Or did you just need a moment too?”

The clown, Dandy, chuckled weakly and shook his head - his poorly dyed red hair hitting his cheeks as his head moved. Moving his ungloved hand up, he tucked some of the curls behind his ear, taking the strap of the uncomfortable party hat and pulling it off his head, setting it on the counter before screwing the lid off his flask.

“Just finishing up the act,” He joked, tilting his head back to let some of the booze fall down his throat. When he finished his generous sip, he looked back at you, extending it out to you, “You want some?”

If any of the other parents saw your exchange with Dandy, you knew you’d be ridiculed, lectured by your husband for ‘making the family name look bad’, but Christ did you need it.

Dandy wiggled the flask in your direction, as if taunting you to take it and take a sip - and it worked. You extended your hand out and took the flask, tilting your head back to drink from the tin flask and let whatever it was he had in there hit your tongue.

You gagged suddenly at the taste of Jack Daniels, coughing as you lurched forward, holding the flask back out towards him to take back. He did, laughing and shaking his head, tucking the flask back in his suit pocket.

“Don’t drink much, do you?” He assumed, watching as you wiped your mouth and shook your head, catching your breath before letting out a sigh.

“Not, that!” You answered, cringing at the taste that was still in your mouth, “God, how much do you hate your life to be drinking that?”

You had only meant the question to be sarcastic, a playful tease at his choice of drink, not a direct hit to his personal life. But Dandy didn’t take it that way, behind the painted on smile, his lips fell to a sadder, smaller, smile.

“Well I’m a party clown aren’t I? Gotta get by somehow.”

Frowning, you opened your mouth to apologize but stopped when he held up his hand, his smile returning, “It’s fine, I know what you meant.”

Moving around you, Dandy went and took your original spot, propped up against the sink counter, his long legs crossed over one another. Turning around, you watched as he played on his phone, probably checking the notifications he missed while performing at the party.

He was cute, you’d give him that - but the get up was awful. It was something you knew you’d seen at Halloween City in the adult costumes section, and you wondered if maybe that’s where he got it. It was the standard yellow and blue split shirt, with the fake sewn on patches and red buttons down the middle. His pants were also the standard yellow color, with rainbow polka dots covering them. And the shoes! Were his feet really that big?

You hadn’t realized how hard you were staring at him, your neck craned forward as you tried to examine the costume more before catching his hand waving at you to grab your attention, your neck falling back and eyes lifting up to him. He held his phone in one hand and dropped the other to his side.

“Can I help you?” He questioned, although he sounded more amused than anything. When your cheeks went pink, shaking your head, looking away to try and pretend like you weren’t just obviously staring at him, he laughed. “They’re not actually that big. The shoes just make my feet look bigger. Pretty standard shoe size, I’ll admit.”

Nodding, you bit down on your lip before the sound of children squealing caught your attention. You turned and saw the kids diving for the candy, parents snapping photos of them with grins on their face. You should’ve been out there - not drinking whiskey with the fucking party clown.

“I should go.” You explained suddenly. Glancing up at him, you tried to ignore the slightly disappointed look on his face before he nodded back, understanding.

“Yeah, I should load my stuff up into the car anyways.” Dandy mumbled, pushing himself off the counter to follow loosely behind you, letting you have your space as he went to the living room to grab his party trunk and haul it out to his car.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

“And you’re sure you can handle all the kids? I don’t want you to be overwhelmed.”

Holding your son in your arms, bidding him a farewell for the evening, you nodded after your friend reassured you that she could handle it and kissed his head, smiling as he squeezed you tightly before running off with the rest of the kids.

“Okay, well, just call if something changes. I don’t mind staying over or if he starts to get too much I can come get him,” You explained, picking yourself up off the ground and pulling your jeans down. “It’s not like I’m doing anything tonight.”

She let out a laugh and shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest as the two of you headed outside to the front porch, “Take a break for the night, husband is out of town and you got the place to yourself. Who knows, maybe if you call the clown he’ll come and keep you compa-”

The swift punch to her shoulder sent you both into a fit of giggles before she playfully punched you back, the two of you shoving one another until you both fell silent, pulling one another in for a hug as you departed.

“But for your sake, I’ll be sure to call - but I highly doubt I’ll need you to come back.”

You took a step back as you began your descent down the steps, crossing the sidewalk towards your car that was parked on the street.

“Seriously though! I’m sure Dandy would love some company!” Your friend teased from her spot on the porch. You waved her off and laughed, shaking your head as you unlocked the minivan and climbed in, settling in before starting the vehicle up and driving off.

It didn’t take long for you to get out of your friend’s neighborhood, back onto the main busy road that led from her neighborhood to yours. Thankfully traffic had already died down for the day, making the drive easy on you and your clouded thoughts.

You half debated on calling him again, to see if he would answer - but you knew that if on the off chance he did pick up, you wouldn’t feel any better than you did now. It made you wonder in moments like this why you even let him get to you, did you still love him? Part of you thought maybe you did, maybe you were holding off on the hope that the man you married would one day come back.

At this point you were crying, the tears dripping down off your chin and onto your neck, cursing under your breath as you quickly wiped them away. You knew that you couldn’t stay focused on the road right now, which is how you found yourself in the middle of a rest stop off the side of the freeway.

When you parked your car in one of the empty spots, your head fell forward with a sigh, closing your eyes tight as you collected your thoughts. You just needed to catch your breath, tell yourself you were okay, and head home.

Your stomach grumbled and your eyes opened, glancing down at your stomach that you held before groaning. You wished you had stolen a piece of cake before you left to hold you over for the ride, but you also weren’t expecting to make a rest stop to cry.

Reaching for your purse, you pulled out your wallet and a couple dollars to go inside and get a snack. When you looked up from your purse though, you noticed a familiar rainbow figure standing beside your car, smiling at you.

Jolting back, your head hit the window, causing you to groan before you held your head, unbuckling from your seat and getting out of the car.

“What the fuck man-”

“-I’m sorry! I should have waited until you got out of something before I came over.” It was Dandy, the stupid clown from the birthday party and still in his getup. What was he even doing out here?

“Might want to add a bell or something to your costume. Jesus, man, what are you doing?” When the back of your head numbed down, you let out a sigh and dropped your hand to your chest, crossing your arms.

Dandy didn’t seem to be too aware of your social cues that indicated that you were probably less than thrilled to be chatting with him, and continued on with his own thoughts, pointing at his car.

“My car broke down. I was wondering if I could maybe get a lift or something? I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t remember you from the party.” He explained, shuffling in his spot. Dandy didn’t mean to be a bother to you, but he was desperate, that and his phone had died.

You debated on turning him down, letting him fend for himself - but he looked so pathetic standing in front of you, the evident frown on his face behind the painted on smile. If you were to leave him out here, with a dead phone and car, you knew the guilt would eat you alive.

Remembering the dollars in your pocket, you squeezed them in your hand before motioning to the car, “Sure, fine. I’m going inside to get something to eat though, so don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

Not caring that he heard the door lock, you stuffed your keys into your pocket and continued on, heading to the vending machine that was inside to grab a snack. When your eyes met the options, you scanned over the options before deciding on the granola bar, buying an extra one for the clown.

When you made your way back to the car, your steps slowed to a stop when you saw him standing at the front of your car, a weak smile on his face as he held out a purple balloon animal.

“I don’t have much money on me. But I still wanted to thank you.” He explained, handing you the balloon animal.

It was a sweet gesture, a little silly for your taste, but you could understand the sincerity of it. You weren’t going to turn down something he had worked on for you while you were inside. Smiling, you thanked him quietly before extending your hand out to offer him the extra granola bar.

“Here, take it. I got it for you.”

He stared down at the granola bar in your hand and didn’t move for a moment, as if hesitant to take it. When you waved it in his face, much like he had done with the flask from earlier at the party, he laughed and took it, thanking you.

“Come on. I’d rather not get eaten alive by the mosquitos. You can tell me where you need to go in the van,” You instructed, making your way to the now unlocked van and climbing back into the driver’s seat, setting the balloon animal in your purse to keep from popping. Not long after Dandy climbed in the passenger side himself, stuffed in the seat uncomfortably before you let out a laugh. “You can adjust the seat.”

Moving in a hurry, Dandy bent forward and grabbed the bar to scoot the seat back, his long legs extending out with a sigh. You shook your head and peeled the wrapper to the granola bar open and took a bite. Looking out the window, you watched as the sun continued to set for the day, ignoring the crinkling that came from Dandy.

Turning your head, you watched as he struggled to open his granola bar - his greasy fingers from the party not allowing him to grab onto the wrapper and peel it open. Holding your own in your mouth, you reached over and took his from him, peeling it open with ease before handing it back to him.

“Thanks...is that some mom trick or-”

“-My fingers aren’t covered in paint.” You stated flatly. You ignored the pained expression that came from Dandy as he quietly took a bite from the granola bar, looking out his own window.

The silence began to eat at you, knowing that you were being too harsh on the guy who was already having a shit night. Probably a shit life, just like you. You watched as the time ticked by, minute after minute, until the radio screen turned to an incoming phone call from your husband.

Dandy stared at the screen, watching as you let the call ring until it went to voicemail. “Was that important?” He wondered, eyes falling from the screen and over to you. You shook your head and sighed, finishing the granola bar before throwing the wrapper in your purse.

“No, just the husband. Probably a drunk call to inform me of all the other things I’m doing wrong as a mother while he’s stepped away from his mistress,” You blushed at the sudden revelation to the stranger sitting beside you and cleared your throat, “Sorry, just forget it.”

Shaking his head, letting the red mop on his head tossle, he shrugged his shoulders and sank in the seat, “Doesn’t sound like that great of a guy.” He noted, letting the silence fill the van again.

You knew he was right, whether you wanted to admit it to him or not. Your husband was a shit guy, some days you felt like he was the worst of the bunch, but he was still your husband, and maybe that’s why you felt so inclined to tell the clown to shut up.

But you didn’t.

“Life isn’t perfect, I can attest to that,” Dandy began, clearing his throat and sitting up again in his seat, “You think I wanted to be a clown? Almost forty and going to kids parties for my income?” He laughed and shook his head before continuing, “I can play the part really well. At least I’d hope so after all the acting classes I took, but the entertainment world didn’t want someone like me - least not the movie business.”

You knew a few things about acting, doing it yourself almost daily. The forced smiles, fake laughs, hell - even in the bedroom when you faked getting off just to make your husband happy. All of it was to please everyone but yourself.

“I’m not sure what to think of having a literal clown give me advice,” You paused for a moment, letting your shoulders sink before you gave in. “I get it...this life, I’m sure you’ve seen enough moms like me to know that some of us just get stuck in this life. Having kids makes leaving hard. So you fake it until you make it, even if it means going to bed unsatisfied.” You blinked away your tears and shook your head, gaze lowering to your hands as you furrowed your brows to keep calm. Glancing to your right once you felt the nudge against your arm.

“Does he make you unsatisfied?”

The bold question sent a cackle out of you, the van ringing from your sudden cry before a grin took the place of your frown, matching the real one on Dandy’s face.

“Bold of you to assume he leaves me unsatisfied. What makes you think I don’t get off to him every morning and night?” You dared, your body shifting and turning towards him more. You bit back the smirk that was creeping on your face and watched as Dandy shrugged.

“Just stating the obvious. Seems you gotta let loose a bit. Wouldn’t even take a drink at the par-”

“A kid’s party,” You reminded him, “I’m not going to get drunk at a kid’s birthday party.”

“No kids around now. So just humor me, does he let your wildest dreams come true?” At this point you knew that Dandy was just pulling your tail - but he was there and listening to you, something that you hadn’t had from a man in who knows when...so you humored him back, going along with it.

“Fine, I’ll play whatever game this is,” You retorted, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. “No, he doesn’t. Been married almost seven years and the only thing I’m getting is my clit scratched at. You wanna talk about acting, I should have my own fucking star in Hollywood with that act.”

Dandy laughed at your tease, pulling out the flask from his pocket and taking a sip, passing it over to you. This time, you took it without hesitation, taking a generous sip before sighing, settling it on your thigh. The burn was still there, but this time it was easier to keep down.

“I tell him one time that I wanna try something and what does he do? Goes and fuck the first woman that’s willing to open their legs to him,” You glanced at Dandy who gave you the look of ‘enlighten me more on what you mean’. Shaking your head, you chuckled weakly and took another sip, passing the flask back over to him finally. “It’s nothing crazy, just...wanted it to be a little rough. Have him manhandle me, treat me like some whore and then afterwards tell me that he loves me.”

At this point you could only hope that maybe this was all a dream. How did you go from a kid’s birthday party to picking up the party clown and talking about your sex fantasies? What a pathetic excuse of a-

“Well, I can’t say I’ll tell you that I love you after, but I know how to throw a girl around if you’d let me.”

Looking up, your eyes wide in shock, you lost the words to say at his offer. Was he serious? Was this clown really telling you that he’d fuck you?

“You’re joking...dude, I’m married!” You retorted, as if that was the real excuse.

Rolling his eyes, Dandy leaned forward closer to you, his face only inches from your own.

“And so is he. But where is he? Not fucking you.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and kept your gaze locked on his eyes, noticing the specks of honey in his irises. You knew this was wrong, in all senses this was completely fucked up, yet for some reason you were pulled to do so.

“This isn’t some hard commitment. You obviously need a release and so do I. But if you don’t want to, I’m not gonna force you to do anythi-”

He was cut off by the sudden kiss from you - your morals out the window as your lips meshed with his, ignoring the taste of the paint, granola, and whiskey. You felt Dandy grab your face, holding your close as he finally kissed you back, grazing the bottom of your lip with his tongue.

Pulling back from you suddenly, Dandy dropped his hands to your shoulder, keeping you back while he caught his breath.

“Listen...I’m down for whatever it is that’s about to happen, but I just need to know what you want me to do.” He explained, chest heaving from the kiss. Your mouth was parted and had paint around your mouth and chin.

“I-I don’t know…”

“If you want me to be rough, I’ll do it. I’ll do what your husband can’t, but if you don’t want this, tell me now and I’ll get out and forget that this ever happened,” He moved his right hand up to your face and grazed his knuckles along your jawline. “But I need to know.”

This was your chance. To tell him no. To continue with your good karma of being a good wife despite having every right to not be. The angel on your left shoulder was screaming at you to kick him out, but the devil on the other seemed to win, and you found yourself agreeing to Dandy’s offer.

The two of you fell back into the trunk of your minivan only seconds later, stumbling through the rows of seats until you landed on the baseball equipment back with a grunt. You pulled away from his lips to turn and shove the bag off to the side. Dandy, on the other hand, wasn’t fazed by your departure from his lips and planted kisses along your neck, the red clown smile coming off his own face and smearing onto you.

You let out a moan when he bit down on your sweet spot, leaning into his kiss before finally pushing away from him, his lips pulling off your neck with a ‘pop’. When you sat back, Dandy now hovering over you, you could only smile at him, your mouth red as if you did a poor job of applying lipstick.

“You look like a clown,” He teased, looking down at your lips before leaning forward to kiss you, both of you smiling in the kiss until he pulled away, kissing across your face before his lips found your ear, “Are you going to show me what tricks you have up your sleeve-”

He was cut off by you grabbing his neck, shoving him away from you until he fell onto his back, you crawling on top of him to pin him down.

“Do you have to make everything about this a joke?” You mused, your hair falling forward and letting it tickle his nose - a laugh escaping from you as he crinkled his nose. “I mean, it’s bad enough you’re a literal clown.”

You were taken back when he sat up suddenly, grabbing you by the waist to pin you back down as he climbed over you. While you tried to focus more on how he made you feel versus the paint smearing across you, you still couldn’t help but groan at the sticky feeling of the face paint smearing against your face.

At that point you had almost wished you would have let him go and clean up like he offered before you two did anything. But you were desperate, so desperate. It would take more than clown makeup to stop you from getting your guts scrambled in the back of your minivan.

With his lips back on yours, you felt his tongue push through your teeth and into your mouth, swirling with your own as you tasted the mix of birthday cake and whiskey off his breath. Gathering his hair into one hand to keep his curls from falling into your face, your other moved down his shirt, towards the growing bulge in his pants until your hand wrapped around his dick through the fabric of his costume.

“Wait!” He breathed, pulling back from you suddenly and onto his knees, catching his breath as he leaned back on his heels, “Do you have anything?”

You weren’t entirely positive with what he meant at first, your brain still fuzzy from the kiss until it finally clicked with you. “What? Like protection?” You questioned, laughing a little as you sat up, only for your smile to frown when you realized he was being serious. “Does it look like I have that?”

His mouth fell open and he stumbled to get words out before shaking his head. Dandy mumbled something under his breath before reaching over and grabbing his coat from the back seat, digging through the side pocket.

“I might have something-”

“Were you expecting to get laid on the gig?” You interjected, a smirk toying on the corner of your mouth as he looked at you, a scowl on his face. He ignored you and kept digging.

You watched as the rainbow scarves came out of his pocket. One by one a different colored scarf flooded the back of your minivan. It must have been a gag in his show he never got around to at the party. You figured after the sixteenth scarf there’d be no more, but it kept going.

A quiet sigh escaped your mouth as your shoulders shrank, looking around the trunk as you waited for him to find whatever it was that he thought he brought with him. You weren’t sure what to do at that moment - should you have offered to help?

When you thought he was finished, watching as the string of rainbow stopped, you pulled your shirt off, readying yourself only to see the string of rainbow pick up again. You were a mother, so your patience was rather strong, however in the moment - seconds away from getting fucked by a party clown, you had had enough.

“Oh my god-” You leaned forward and grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks, “Forget the protection, Dandy, just fuck me already.”

You pulled him in for a kiss, your lips pressed against his hard. You moved to sit in his lap as your hands cradled his face, holding his hair back and out of his face. It felt crunchy from the spray hair dye he must have put in his hair for the gig. The red hair dye staining your hands as his chocolate locks came through.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to-”

You pulled away from him, holding his face steady in your hands to keep his eyes on you. Annoyance bubbling inside of you with all of his worries. “Dandy, yes, I’m sure. I just need you in me.” You explained desperately, your lips finding his once again.

“Daniel,” He mumbled against your lips, pulling away from the kiss to look at you, “Daniel - my name is Daniel.”

You looked at him and nodded, repeating his name before you fell back again, propping yourself up on your elbows. Letting out a sigh, you pushed your hair out of your face before bending your legs so they were spread apart.

“Daniel, are you going to come over here and fuck me or are you just going to do another one of your silly clown gags?”

You were still practically all the way clothed, the only thing missing was your shirt. He leaned forward on his knees and hooked his fingers around your jeans, tugging them down while his face pressed against your skin, leaving wet kisses down your stomach, thighs, and stopping just above your knees.

His makeup had smeared down your body now, his alvina skin peeking through the makeup. At this point you had sat up to unclasp your bra, pulling it down off your shoulders and tossing it with the rest of your clothes. When you leaned forward to grab onto his yellow polka parachute pants, he stopped you suddenly.

While his left hand grabbed at your hair, gathering it up into his fist before leaning your head back, his other hand was fondling your breast, pinching and pulling at your nipple before slapping your breast, grinning at your gasp.

“Why don’t you open your pretty mouth up, yeah?” You blushed at the switch in his demeanor, but still complied, opening your mouth slightly and up at him.

But that wasn’t enough, he shook his hand and squeezed your nipple again, this time harder until you gasped, your mouth opening wider before he leaned forward and spit into your mouth. You flinched at what he had done, ready to spit it back at him before your mouth was suddenly gagged.

If it weren’t for the squeak you probably would have assumed it was one of the dozens upon dozens of scarves he had pulled earlier from his pocket, but the ball shape in your mouth that left your jaw sore indicated that it was something more familiar.

You bit down on the clown nose, listening to it squeak before moving your arms up to remove the gag, finding it silly before Daniel’s hands grabbed at your arms, stopping you from moving before smiling at you.

“What do you think you’re doing? I didn’t say you could take it out.”

Your cheeks went red as you felt him stroke your face before he pulled his hand back and cracked it against your cheek, you biting down on the nose and letting it squeak. You enjoyed it though, the mix of pain and pleasure. It took you back a bit, only because you had figured Daniel was like your husband in the sense of not going through with what you said you liked being done to you.

When you felt his fingers graze your stinging cheek you leaned into his tough, your eyes lulling shut before he leaned forward, kissing your hairline. His fingers dropped from your face and reached down to grab your wrists, pulling them together before using some of the scarves to tie your wrists up.

When your wrists were bound behind you, Daniel pushed you back gently by your shoulder, watching you fall onto your back with a ‘thud’ before finally beginning to peel his own costume off. He made sure to take his time, kicking off the absurd clown shoes that were three times too big for his feet and shimming out of his pants.

It was a process already, taking off his costume, but cramped up in the back of a minivan was a whole other process of its own. He could hardly get his shirt unbuttoned, fingers fumbling to get the tiny buttons through the tight holes. When he finally did, however, he sat up on his knees with a huff, his hard dick sticking up - red and already leaking with precum.

“Are you going to be a good girl and take my dick?” He questioned, hand pumping at his swollen cock as he took in the sight of you gagged and tied up. He smirked when he noticed the drool spilling around the clown nose that was in your mouth. You nodded, moaning in response as your thighs squeezed together.

Moving towards you, Daniel dropped his hand from his cock to pull your legs apart, squeezing your thighs before his right hand moved up to your ass, giving it a good squeeze and bringing his hand up and back down, striking your bare cheek that made you flinch.

You whined at the sudden impact, but felt yourself get even wetter. You bit down on the gag and ignored the squeak that came out of it, sighing as Daniel gently caressed your ass to numb the pain. He brought his hand back to his dick and ran the tip up and down, swirling at your clit until your toes curled and your thighs went to squeeze together.

“Ah, ah, ah,” He caught your leg that had moved and pinned it down with his free hand, keeping you wide open while the tip of his cock hovered at your entrance. “You said you were going to be a good girl and take my dick. Are you going to be naughty now?”

You shook your head and moved onto your back, letting your spine relax from it’s previous twisted position to look up at him. Your knees rested on his sides and watched as he leaned forward, spit falling from his mouth and hitting your clit. Whining, your hips bucked forward a bit, wanting more until you finally got what you wanted.

“Oh, are you getting needy now?” He smiled when you nodded, bucking your hips again until you felt his hand leave your leg and fall to your clit, his thumb tracing circles that left you arching into his touch. By this point you were beyond ready for him to fuck you, you were getting fed up with his teasing, and he noticed.

In one swift motion Daniel thrusted in you, grunting at the surprising tightness of you around him. He had guessed that with you having a husband and a child you birthed, you wouldn’t have felt like a fucking virgin.

“Fuck, I thought you said you had a husband? Does he not even fuck you?” He pulled out of you slightly to ram into you again, sending you forward, your tits bouncing as his rhythm continued. “And you had a kid?” He laughed and shook his head, squeezing your hips, “By this rate, I’m going to be filling you up with my own. Would you like that? Being round and full with my kid?”

You could feel yourself tighten around him, squeezing at his dick while he continued to fuck you. Despite the warmer air, your nipples were standing hard, longing for attention as you laid on your tied arms, wishing you could play with them yourself.

Daniel must have gotten the hint when you rolled your shoulders, pressing your breasts together to give at least some sort of relief to the tingling feeling on them. He smiled and leaned down, pressing his mouth around your left breast as he continued to rut in you, his tongue swirling around your nipple before his teeth latched on. He looked up at you and smiled, your nipple in between his teeth before he pulled back, letting go with a ‘pop’ before moving to the other.

By now just like the rest of your body your breasts were painted over with the light pink paint that came from Daniel’s mouth, dark red marks from his teeth peeking through the spots where the paint hadn’t stuck. You were growing needier by the minute, your own orgasm building as your nails sank into the flooring of the minivan.

“I bet you want me to untie you, huh?” He laughed when you nodded and shook his head, grabbing your legs to wrap around his waist as he picked up his pace again, “When you finally come around my dick I’ll untie you, and on your second I’ll pull that gag out of your mouth,” He leaned forward until his chest pressed against you, “I want to hear you say my name when you come the third time. You understand?”

And you did, Christ did you - but the thought of not one, not two, but three orgasms, you weren’t sure if you were going to be able to handle it.

Kissing your cheek sloppily, Daniel smiled and leaned back up, carrying on with fucking your brains out until you were practically choking on the gag, tears welling in your eyes as you clenched around him. It wasn’t much longer before your legs squeezed around his waist, coming undone around him.

“Well that didn’t take long,” He teased, pulling out and flipping you over to untie your wrists. When the scarves fell from your wrists, Daniel pulled them around and rubbed them, making sure they were okay before letting them fall to the side.

Pushing himself back, Daniel fell to lay between your thighs, pulling himself up so his face was nestled in front of your dripping cunt. “How long has it been since you came like that? Certainly not from your husband.”

You wished you didn’t have the gag in your mouth, so you could bite back at his remarks. You knew what he was doing, breaking your husband down to build himself up. It was working too, knowing that your husband never pleasured you the way Daniel had in just a matter of minutes.

“Be a good girl and keep your legs open. Can you do that for me? Or are you still stupid off my dick?” He smirked when you glared down at him before diving forward into your cunt, lapping up your wetness that had spilled out from you, his tongue swiping up and closing down on your clit; his left arm wrapped around your leg and his other in between your thighs, his fingers diving into your soaked pussy, the squelching noises from your wetness filling the van.

It didn’t take long for your new found freed hands to grab onto his hair, nails scraping at his scalp that made him moan, vibrating against your clit. Biting down on the gag, your squeezed your thighs at the sides of his head, heels digging into his back as you began to shake.

“Mmm, still so sensitive are we?” You nodded and let out a whine, grabbing his hair and tugging it to bring him back to you as he pulled away. Tutting, he bit down on your thigh and slapped your cunt, “You’re not being a very good girl. Do you want me to tie you back up?”

You didn’t, the last thing you wanted was to start back at square one with him - lose your privileges of screaming his name when he came inside you. You loosened your grip on his hair and watched him smile up at you.

“Good, there’s my good girl. Are you gonna come in my mouth? Let me taste you before I fuck your brains out again?” His fingers sank back into you, hitting the sweet spot as you sat up to watch, your hand resting on the back of his head. You were close, so close.

What came next shocked the both of you - clenching around his fingers, pulling at his hair, your legs began to shake violently until you were gushing out, squirting onto his tongue and fingers. You felt your eyes spinning and you could only focus on the black stars that clouded your vision, falling back onto the floor of the van.

When he pulled away, you had almost expected him to stop then, run back to his car and lock himself in from his own embarrassment - but he didn’t. When Daniel came up from in between your thighs, a grin was spread across his face, your wetness dripping off his chin and onto your thighs.

Reaching down, he pulled the gag out of your mouth finally and squeezed your face in one hand, massaging your jaw before leaning forward, “I want you to taste how fucking delicious you are.” He announced, his mouth finding yours.

You moaned against his mouth at the taste of yourself, your chest tightening as he moved his hand away from your face and down to your thigh, squeezing it as he settled in between your legs again, throwing the leg he was grabbing around his waist.

When he snagged your own tongue between his teeth, pulling it into his mouth, you groaned at how he was sucking on it, lips pressed hard together until he pulled back finally - letting you catch your breath.

“Are you going to scream my name?” He asked, sitting up and on his knees. He kept his one hand on your thigh and moved the other up your stomach and chest before settling on your throat. He wrapped his hand gently around, squeezing it until you squeaked out a ‘yes’.

“Good, good…” He breathed, lining himself up to you. At this point his own dick was throbbing, precum leaking from the tip and head painfully red. You knew he had been holding back his own orgasms, but you were shocked at his ability to hold off this long.

His first thrust back into you was hard - clenching around him almost instantly. You were still so sensitive, yet the fill of him back inside of you made your stomach coil and your third orgasm begin to build. You wondered if you would be able to even come again...would he be mad if you didn’t?

You were snapped from your thoughts by him squeezing your throat, your eyes widening and your hands coming up to grab his wrist. As much as you wanted to say you trusted the guy, he was still nothing more than a stranger to you.

“Say my name, sweetheart, can you do that? Do you even remember my name?” He let out a low chuckle and leaned forward, brushing his lips against yours but not kissing them, teasing you until he heard you say his name.

“D-Daniel…” You mumbled, wincing when his next thrust snapped his hips into you, the pressure of him sending your stomach flipping.

“Say it louder.”

“Daniel.”

“Louder!”

“Daniel!”

He seemed satisfied with your scream, your face red from the heat and intensity of your fuck fest. His grip loosened around your throat and you gasped for air, feeling him pull you up as he sat down, his back against the door of your trunk.

You weren’t sure if you could ride him just then, but he seemed to help you as much as you needed, guiding your hips up and down onto him as your nails sank into his shoulders, chin resting against the top of his head while his attention fell to your breasts. The attention he had been giving them all night left them sore, yet a familiar tenderness that you hadn’t felt in a long time. They weren’t swollen as if they were hurting, but something else.

It had been a pleasant surprise to him, tasting the milk that came from your breasts. It soothed the dry throat that he had since the lack of whiskey to ease his worries. This, however, was much better than any drink he had tasted.

When he pulled away, you looked down and noticed the stray droplet of milk on the corner of his mouth. Moving your hand, you swiped the drop onto your thumb before watching him suck it clean off. You panted in the moment, watching as the honey irises darkened until his pupils took over. You wondered if you had the same lusted look glazed over your own eyes.

Daniel released your thumb from his mouth and leaned forward again, kissing you deeply as he pulled you flushed against him, pinning you to him as his arms wrapped around your waist, keeping you steady as he thrusted his hips quicker up into you, his orgasm finally approaching.

“I-I’m gonna com-”

“-Yes, please, Daniel, please come in me. Fill me up, make me round with your babies.” You felt your head beginning to spin again, clinging to him desperately as your cunt clenched around him, his rhythm slowing until he was grunting into your neck, his own body shaking as his come shot out and deep in you.

You weren’t far behind, your legs wrapping tighter around him until you were coming undone around him, whining in his ear that sent him almost ready to fuck you into a fourth orgasm, but he knew that he couldn’t do that to you. At least not this time.

Daniel let you fall back, holding you still up as you closed your eyes, brushing your hair out of your face. He smiled up at you and tucked your own hair behind your ears, moving your hair back behind your shoulders and peppering your collarbone with gentle kisses, moving up to your neck to kiss at the bruises that he may have left.

His tender care for you afterwards left a smile on your face, the paint beginning to crust onto your skin as you brushed his curls off his own face and tucking behind his ears. You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, pulling back to meet his gaze.

“I hope I didn’t hurt you too much.” He grieved, his hands moving to caress over your body, massaging the joints that felt tight under his hands. You shook your head, smiling weakly at him before kissing his nose.

“No, you didn’t. Not at all.” The two of you sat still twisted together on his lap, him still deep inside of you while you caressed one another. You enjoyed the feeling of his soft skin along your fingers, counting the freckles that were covering him. They were beautiful, just like him.

“I don’t mean to cut this short, but we should-”

“-No, you’re right. I...let me just get up.” You pushed off him slowly, groaning at the weight of him leaving you before falling back, sighing as you collected your thoughts before getting dressed again, passing him his clown costume for him to put back on. The two of you looked like a mess, it being quite obvious to anyone who saw you two what had just gone down.

While you waited for Daniel to finish getting ready, you pulled out your phone to check to see if you had any missed notifications - and the number on your screen sent a shiver down your spine.

32 texts.

17 missed calls.

9 voicemails.

They were all from him, your husband. He must have gotten pretty pissed when you didn’t answer the first time. Your eyes scanned quickly over the texts and you felt the tears beginning to prick your eyes. What have you done? What have you done?!

“Is everything okay?” You heard Daniel ask from behind you. When you pulled your gaze from your screen, you noticed your hands trembling, the tears slipping down your cheeks. You shook your head and let the sob escape.

“No!” You cried, looking back at him. You looked him over and shook your head, closing your eyes tightly, “No, my husband! He’s coming back. Tonight! Oh god, if he finds me like this I’m never going to-”

Daniel quickly placed his hand over your mouth, holding you steady as he shook his head, trying to calm you down. “Stop it, you’re fine. He’s not going to do anything. I won’t let him.”

You could admire his bravery, the chivalry he had towards you - but that was just something he didn’t get. You could sit there all day and say how your husband was, but until someone dealt with it themselves personally, they could never understand how it truly was.

“Daniel...please, I’m sorry, but I need to get you home or something before-”

“Just forget it, okay? I can wait here tonight and I’ll find someone in the morning to give me a ride. You need to get home and wash up,” He instructed, turning to open the trunk up. “Come on, let me help you out.”

As you climbed out of the trunk of your van, you stumbled onto the pavement and caught Daniel’s grip, regaining your balance before looking up at him. He wasn’t looking at you, however, but at whatever it was behind you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you turned and looked at what was behind you, your mouth falling open at the sight of him.

Your husband.

#clown!daniel #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #daniel bruehl #daniel brühl imagine #daniel brühl smut #daniel brühl x reader #daniel brühl x you #daniel bruhl x reader #daniel bruhl x you #daniel bruhl imagine #daniel bruhl smut #cw clowns #tw clowns #clowns

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girlvinland · 2 years ago

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Truth be told, I don’t really do any sort of fandom or shipping discourse drama here. I feel like I’m sort of too old for it and I involved myself a bit in that kind of thing many years back with the jojo fandom and never found it to be productive, in the end it just made everyone upset and was pointless. It kind of made me jaded to that sort of thing as well, like for the most part I just. don’t. care. Normally my view of it is ship something if you want, don’t do it if you don’t want to, but also don’t instigate fights with people. Imo, sending people hateful asks or posting something in a character tag about said person IS trying to instigate. It’s trying to start needless drama, and most of the time it doesn’t even actually have to do with the morality of the ship, just putting someone down to feel superior.

With the current drama surrounding an ER relationship that is depicted in canon as negative, I’ve found myself getting kind of miffed. I personally don’t have any major attachments to the ship. I don’t love it, I don’t hate it. I like both of the characters in it and some of the aesthetics of it (blood, religious sort of imagery, etc.), but all in all I am more focused on OCs rn than any main media ships or whatever.

That being said, a friend I care about has been indirectly attacked over it lately and like, we kind of knew it was on the horizon but also she receives a lot of positive feedback on art she makes so it was nice for her. She’s one of the most considerate people I’ve ever met in fandom and every time she posts art, she’s asking if people think the tags are okay and if she’s done enough to protect others if they don’t want to see that sort of thing, with the assumption they will have it blacklisted and not willingly be seeking it out. I just hate seeing someone who is a genuinely good person be “called out” for darker art that is appropriately tagged and easy to blacklist. Like I said already, I feel the entire drama of it is just so pointless (like so much of this often is).

I guess the point of this post is mostly to vent a little because it just gets tiring when someone does all they can, even going as far as to post on and link to a different site that you have to willingly click and then click ANOTHER prompt to see the images instead of just outright posting images here that they know might not be for everyone (that is to say, you have to purposefully go out of your way to see the full images). This is really all I am probably going to say about it publicly, I might even delete later because I do that sometimes with vents. I probably won’t answer asks related to it bc like I said, not here for drama or arguments that waste my time and energy, but I do want to support my friends. I’m just tired of watching kind people get attacked by those literally going out of their way to attack, and for what? No one is changing their mind on either side. Just stay in your lane and block people/tags to keep yourself safe, it’s that easy.

#by bug #sorry for making this so long whoops

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omiscurls · 3 years ago

Note

Heyhey! I couldn’t find your rules, so idk if this is allowed or not, and if it isn’t feel free to ignore this, but may I request Childe with a reader who has depression? Thank you

tough

a/n: hi!! sorry for that, the rules are added by now, i chose not to describe depression itself, because it looks different on everyone, and you may not relate to what applies to me, but i'm hoping you'll find this enjoyable instead!!

plot: character helping the reader out of a breakdown, or a bad headspace

contains: tartaglia, kaeya

warnings: bad copying mechanisms, low mental place, nothing too serious mentioned

tartaglia

now, he's a man of action less than words, even though he's good with those, too

and to add to that, he's also a very perceptive person - if some negative vibe lingers on you for too long, he'll notice right away

however, relying on his experience, he opts to give you space to figure it out on your own, first, he wouldn't like to be making a huge deal of something that was just a worse couple of days

it's when you don't show up at your usual dinner spot, that he gets a little tingle in his brain, telling him to not dismiss it this time.

and so, he makes his way over to your place.

"ya there?" you hear on the other side of the door, followed by urgent knocking, sort of breaking you out of a trance, but you can't find it in you to go and answer it. he'll go away, you think, even better. your apartment is messy, you're messy, too, and it's not the right time to be receiving visitors. so you stay quiet.

"you do know i know you're in there, right?" he speaks up again "the blinds would be down if you weren't"

come in, you want to shout, and although no voice leaves your throat, soon the door opens anyway.

"hey, what's up, you weren't on the- oh." he stops in his tracks in the middle of the corridor, and you're already mentally prepared to a snarky remark about your sorroundings, but the only thing he says is a lighthearted "why're you sitting on the floor?"

the first thing he thinks about is to level with you, so he plops himself down right beside you, and you bet it looks funny - you in yesterday's clothes, in a big, probably smelly, mess, and then a harbinger in full military outfit right beside you.

"i-" you try to say, but your throat seems too dry and worn out, so you opt for a whisper "look at his place"

he indeed does, hinting the small note of desperation in your voice.

"what about it?"

"it's a mess!" you sigh, covering your face with your hands, out of both embarrassment, and fatigue. you take a big breath before continuing "so i wanted to clean it up, i even brought all the... all the things, but it's so much stuff to do, and i'm tired, and- and i don't know!" you choose to stop as not to snap right then and there. "i can't even do my shitty chores right like an adult" you mumble, massaging your temples.

"and is sitting on the floor helping?" he simply asks, and for a second, you're almost mad at him for not being more... cooey and fuss over you a bit more. he sounds cold.

"what are you-"

"really, is it helping?" he repeats "because from how i see it, every little thing would seem bigger if you looked at it from this angle. come on" he nudges you before standing up, and offering a hand to lift you up. you, however, shake your head.

"i really can't deal with it today, childe, i'm sorry"

"just stand up" he pleas, and the second you take his hand, he helps you up in less than a second. when you're on his level again, he sneaks both his arms on the sides of your waist, and sort of sways around a little, before speaking again. "what if, what if we do it little by little? look, we'll start over there" he puts his hand on top of yours, and lifts your arm to point to the full sink along with his. "and that'd be it for today! and then tomorrow... actually, let's not make plans. we'll just pick something tomorrow, and do it then. does the sink sound like a lot to do?" he asks.

"do you want me to be honest, or do you want me to say no" you mutter, earning the heartiest and brightest laughter you've heard in days from him.

"always honest. but come on, i'll help." he rolls you out of his embrace, causing you to feel a sudden wave of cold, it was comfortable back there, you think.

however, as he works through the dishes with you, the pile does seem to lessen, and doesn't rule over your kitchen anymore. every time he hands you a plate to dry, he smiles as wide as he can, and it doesn't seem to bother him at all when you don't smile back.

"remember" he starts again, after a while of comfortable silence. he looks ridiculous, doing the kitchen duties in an outfit designed mostly to look presentable and slay enemies in it, but the look on his face is dead set. "the first lesson you've gotta learn before going off to battle something, is that the best defense is always, always to fight back. and if you don't think you can manage that, well, that's why nobody ever battles alone. it's common sense to have someone watching your back. and as for you, not only are you a great warrior yourself, but you've also got the best second-in-command willing to help you out. don't forget that."

kaeya

as for him, he's also perceptive and empathic, but the difference between him and tartaglia is that he does believe people have the right to figure some things out on their own, he's a firm believer in the magic of secrets

that's probably because he himself doesn't like to share too much about his deeply personal feelings

so he'd obviously see some wave of difficult emotions coming your way, but would he immediately start worrying? probably not

the guy doesn't have healthy copying mechanisms himself, don't think he expects those of others

every other night the two of you meet up at the tavern, kaeya always ordering wine, you asking the bartender for whatever was in store today, but it's never anything alcoholic.

and just like nearly always, you're seated at angel's share, him noticing you're not particularly in the mood for talking, and choosing to entertain you with as many stories of the day that went by as he can remember.

the waiter interrupts him, asking if your minds are already made up regarding the drink. now, kaeya always has you picking first, but since he sees you're still analyzing the card (as if you expected to find anything new), he goes first with a drink he knows charles makes really strong.

to his surprise, when it comes to you, you just mumble "i'll have the same he had"

before the waiter has a chance of writing that down, kaeya tells him that actually, you're gonna need a minute or two more, and to erase the order you've both put in.

as he walks away, the calvary captain's eyes pierce through yours.

"that's a pretty nasty drink you wanted there" he starts, feeling he can't let you handle your mess this time, preparing to dig a little deeper into what's on your mind.

you shrug your shoulders.

"hey" he speaks up a little firmer, hand moving to cover yours, and even though they twitch as to retreat from his grip, you let it be. "tell me what's up."

"nothing's <up>" you accentuate. "can't i even have a drink now?"

"obviously you can" he nods "as long as i know you're trying it just for the taste, and not for the strong kick it's gonna offer, cause that's a dangerous path that only leads to nasty places." concern shines through his gaze, and an encouraging smile is wandering somewhere in his expression, however his lips are still pressed into a tight line, the same he forms when he's either fighting or arguing.

you stay silent for a good long while, before sighing.

"maybe i want the kick. good, or bad, maybe i want to feel... something."

the sentence sounds all too familiar, as he shakes his head and takes your hand, leading you towards the exit.

"what're you-"

"you're obviously not in the right state to be in a bar, of all places" he states almost coldly "so i'm getting you somewhere safer."

the two of you leave the bar, and walk out into the cold of mondstadt's street, covered in the darkness of the night. you walk past him, not leveling up to him, just tagging along to whatever he's going.

it comes as a surprise, that you're neither headed for your apartment, nor his, nor the knights' headquarters. he's guiding you in an unknown direction, until you reach a dead end.

he clims up a small building, offering you a hand and shaking off your confused expressions and questions. "you'll see" he says. the two of you walk from roof to roof, and countless times you tell him it's ridiculous, but then, he jumps onto the city's wall, helping you out with two hands this time, sitting you down right next to him on the stone surface of the wall. it's a little wet from the night's humidity, and cold, and probably dirty too, but the moon shines right at you, and from this perspective, you see thousands of lights in houses, taverns and shops, from the bottom up to the cathedral.

going up from that, a calm and peaceful lake paints the landscape blue on the left, and even from up here, you see a sea of lampgrasses shining through the leaves of wolvendom forest. if you squint, lights are still on in dawn winery, and the path to liyue and all the other lands swirls around near diluc's house. there's so much you can see, even if the night limits your vision.

"i like to come here when i need to gain some perspective over what is happening in my life right now" kaeya speaks really softly and quietly, bordering on a whisper. "it's a beautiful view, even someone as insensitive to art as i am can see that, but other than that... it's huge. and even though it is, it's also alive. every single one of those beings whose lights are dying out as they slowly go to sleep one by one, they're alive. they're not a scenery, they're their own, individual worlds. and they all coexist with each other in such a clever manner, don't you think? they have their differences, they might even hate each other, or wish the worst upon the other's name, but from up here? they fit together like puzzles of one, big picture."

"that's a nice way to put it, for sure" you whisper, looking down onto your knees. his finger pushes your chin slightly to make you face him, and he smiles at you gently, thumb brushing against the skin of your cheek.

"you know, we each have our own worlds, built from scratch from such fragile materials. we have our worlds rise, shine, and crumble before our sights. we look over the ruins of them and think, this is the end of the world. there's nothing more, it's all dust now. but from up here, you see how many other worlds there are - everyone has their own. not everything that is happening in your world is true. you see it from first person's perspective, and therefore the view might be disturbed by many different aspects. you might not see the picture, you just see the broken puzzle fragment that can't fit with the rest, and you're ready to throw away the entire picture, without finishing it. but being here, it reminds me... the world doesn't end on the ruins you see. you can always ask someone to help you build them up again, and of course, you can expect it to fall into pieces once more, but this time, you'll keep in mind, there're-" he stopped, pointing to the city's lights. "so many people to help you raise it up to the clouds."

"your metaphor is really complex" you chuckle, but his face stays still.

"it's not the end of the world if your puzzle piece is broken. and the ruins are not unfixable if you feel too tired to build them up all by yourself. if anything, that's a start." his hand travels up to keep the hair from getting on your face, since the wind blows pretty hard on this height. "what do you say we start your puzzle once more, toghether?"

your friendly reminder that you can request things [here]

#kaeya x reader #kaeya fluff #kaeya headcanons #tartaglia fluff #tartalgia #childe fluff #childe x reader #childe headcanons #childe #genshin impact x reader #genshin headcanons #genshin fluff #genshin impact #genshin impact fluff #gender neutral reader

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minervahouse · 3 years ago

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why david eastman does not suck

a semi-organized, but not very clinical, rant

*spoiler warning for the entire series*

so, i don’t know how many people will be seeing this. if you follow my account, you’re well aware that i’ve been writing a truly devious fanfic that is the vanishing stair from david’s pov. well i have never deliberately said it, i believe that it is fairly clear in my writing, i am a fan of david. i believe that while he is not a saint or without flaws, he doesn’t deserve the insane amount of hate and dislike he receives. i was going through goodreads reviews of the box in the woods and the most liked review said “i just hope stevie dumps asshole david and winds up dating her true love nathaniel fisher” and i just... *screams in frustration* this is one of many anti-david reviews or comments i’ve seen. every time i see one, my blood boils ever so slightly. i also believe that stevie and nate as a romantic ship is something that just does not work. i will back up both of these arguments with the following paragraphs.

so sit back, relax, and enjoy the crazy ramblings of someone way too obsessed with these characters.

point one: he’s trying

i know it sounds dumb, but hear me out

it’s no secret that david isn’t exactly perfect. even i was nearing my wit’s end with him in the hand on the wall. i was tired of his pettiness and just the general will-they-won’t-they energy that the author dragged on for (in my opinion) far too long. i personally remember reading the scene where david offers stevie a sort of ultimatum choice of ‘i give you the codicil information and we never speak again’ or ‘i don’t give you the codicil information and we continue the way we were’. while my eyes were definitely rolling into the backs of my head with this unnecessary plot point, it’s clear what’s actually going on. david is clearly seeking validation from stevie and looking for a sign that she still cares. while he does definitely make it hard for her to chose him by using the term ‘pet project’, it’s clear what he’s actually trying to do. stevie, being her subtly absentminded self, takes the codicil information. while the scene was dumb and unnecessary, it’s clear what david was really asking, “will you still choose me even when i’m acting out?” david knows he’s annoying. he evens says it in the first book, about how he annoys people to get their attention because he believes they won’t pay attention to him otherwise. as someone who does the exact. same. thing. i personally understood it pretty well. so how does he show he cares? well, frankly, he does weird ass shit. squirrels in the library. sherlock costume. pretends to be her boyfriend to convince her parents to stay. sits in a fountain. blows up a billboard she mentioned she was upset about. i’m not trying to convey the point that david is the perfect boyfriend, or perfect character (even though i believe that), i’m just trying to get david-antis to be more... david-neutrals.

point two: role models

edward king and becky eastman as parents would mess me up too

building off of what i said in point one, david’s weird sense of romanticism is clearly from his parents. it’s clear that eddie and becky were not good parents. they most likely never said “i love you” to each other, and it was most likely fake affection if they did, purely for show. they also don’t seem like parents that would say, “i love you,” to david often either. so who does that leave as a role model of a healthy romantic relationship for him? literally no one. i don’t really feel like i need to over explain how screwed up his childhood was. how he was told at nine years old to handle a situation a fully grown adult would struggle to handle. i’m not saying that trauma excuses everything he’s done, but most seem to write him off as “an acting out rich boy” when possessions do not equal love and nurturing.

point three: stevie is not entirely blameless

i love her, but still

something i never see discussed is just how poorly stevie handled the aftermath of halloween. i’ve been frustrated with how characters have handled situations before, but this one may take the cake. david, after finding his best friend’s dead body, sobbing uncontrollably, AND finding out stevie betrayed him, he doesn’t immediately forgive stevie. he’s justifiably blunt and upset, and what does our girl stevie do? run away. literally. i do not care if he’s pissed at you, you sit next to him and make sure he’s okay. i’m not mad at stevie making the deal with edward king, i get it. but there were a thousand opportunities for her to tell him. when he says that he would have understood, i totally believe him. that was some really shitty timing on her, in my opinion. also, we always talk about how he said his parents were dead, but we never talk about how she went. through. his. room! i’m your typical teenager, my room is my safe space. if i go to grab my coat or something and find someone going through it, i’m gonna be pissed. this is one of those relationships where i feel like each action just stacks up on top of the other until there’s a huge pile to work through. and honestly, if they weren’t flawed, i wouldn’t like them nearly as much.

point four: character development

specifically in the box in the woods

something i noticed while reading goodreads reviews of the box in the woods was people were shocked that they now liked david. many people said that they hated him in the trilogy, but they loved him in the box in the woods. initially, i was defensive in an almost gatekeeping way? like how DARE you say you like him now when i’ve liked him the whole time! but, that lasted like three seconds. because really, whatever he was doing between the hand on the wall and the box in the woods has given us a much more mature david eastman. first, he didn’t leave. when stevie went to the site and found his tent wasn’t there, i practically lost my mind. i immediately got the vanishing stair flashbacks, and maureen knew what she was doing with that one. but, he didn’t! also, the whole england situation. while the drama was dumb, the fact that he isn’t taking the money is significant. he sees how his dad acts, he sees how he is similar, and he adjusts to change. to be better. i honestly cannot wait to see where maureen takes us with his character in the future.

also, he said “i love you”! i’ve seen a few people mention how stevie said “i love you” to nate but not to david, but the scene isn’t over. the book ends on them kissing, but the moment isn’t over. she might pull back and say it back. maybe, maybe not, but still. from what we know about david’s life, he’s probably never said “i love you” to someone and meant it. he might have said it to his parents, but it might not have been genuine considering their relationship. this is a big step for him and really shows his development.

point five: why nate isn’t right for stevie either

love you nate, but no

before i even begin, i have a general statement that applies to many fandoms. CAN. ANYTHING. BE. PLATONIC? i ask this genuinely. it’s a frustration that i have with many different books, shows, movies, etc. and it’s the same with truly devious. in my opinion, nate and stevie are the truly devious universe equivalent to dwight and pam from the office. while they are not similar in character exactly, i believe they are extremely similar in dynamic. they’re practically siblings in my opinion. and honestly? i ship nate x mudge. it’s based off of tiny conversations and details, but honestly, book five? let’s see it happen. frankly, stevie and nate would be a train wreck if they got together. at least at this point in the series. maybe if they had started in book two or three, but not now. i think they’d fall victim to the “meredith and george in grey’s anatomy” situation. (if you haven’t watched grey’s, meredith has sex with george while in a lull with derek, and it ends very poorly and practically ruins their friendship.) nate deserves better than to be boyfriend #2, and i believe that’s what he would be written as if they got together. they’re just too similar.

also a quick quote from the box in the woods: “one of the things that nate and stevie such good friends was their mutual hatred of sharing emotional things. somehow, they managed to have a deeper bond by staying on the surface-as if they were snorkeling their feelings, floating along side by side, observing all of nature’s wonders without getting close enough to be stung by something under a rock.”

conclusion

and final thoughts

in the end, it really doesn’t matter, i know. honestly, i’m just generally pleased to see people talking about this series period, no matter what their view point is. i didn’t really get into janelle x stevie or hunter x stevie just because they’re not usually brought up. i do definitely think that in the beginning of truly devious when we first met vi, stevie’s worries seemed a *little* more than platonic, but i absolutely adore janelle and vi together along with stevie and david. and when it comes to hunter i just... don’t care? it sounds bad, but he’s just a neutral character that i don’t have much to say about. i also want to give a little nod of acknowledgment to anyone who posts about how much they love david or defend him in the comments of goodreads reviews. y’all keep me sane and i love you for it.

congratulations for getting to the end of this! if you have points you’d like to make feel free to comment them, i’m always up for a good debate about something i love. while i wrote this while working on the vanishing stair from david’s pov, by now you’re aware that i’m working on the hand on the wall from his pov as well. i’m so excited for you guys to read it! while my following is practically nonexistent, the fact that anybody at all cares means everything to me. <3

stevie and david forever <3

#truly devious #stevie bell #david eastman #the vanishing stair #the hand on the wall #the box in the woods #nate fisher

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victoria-daydreams · 3 years ago

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Loki did not queerbait. A bisexual person ending up with someone of the opposite gender isn’t queerbaiting. Some of you just ran with a rumor a journalist made up to get clicks and it worked. There wasn’t the slightest hint that Loki and Mobius would be a thing in the show or from the producers. Just because Loki does not present the way you want doesn’t mean you were cheated out of anything.

I honestly don’t see the appeal of Lokius either. There was no romantic chemistry between them at all. Zip. Zero. Nada. They literally breathed the same oxygen for .02 seconds and people were ready to ship them. They have better chemistry as a buddy-cop duo.

I personally don’t care who you ship, I’m just tired of people using the word “queerbaiting” when their ship doesn’t become canon.

Also, one last thing, this whole “selfcest” thing literally boils down two things, one being what I said already above and two being misogyny. The hate that Sylvie is receiving is because a female presenting character is “getting in the way” of your mlm ship. “Selfcest” wouldn’t be a problem if Loki kissed a male variant of himself. This fandom would’ve been rejoicing it and completely change their tune about how they feel about the finale. Which to be honest, the Loki finale was the best one out of WandaVision and Falcon and The Winter Soldier.

I should also state that “selfcest” is not real and never will be. It’s fictional. And to try to compare it to incest, which is very real and very harmful is insulting.

Lastly, for the love of god, if you don’t like the ship just say that. Some of you are just trying to find something that makes you upset so you can call Sylki “problematic”. Please stop with the moral panic, “selfcest” is not a concept that can be applied to real life.

#queerbaiting #loki #a lot of the takes against the sylki ship feels like thinly veiled biphobia #marvel #mcu #sylki #lokius #loki show #selfcest is not real #you know what f it #biphobia #biphobic #misogyny #misogynistic #yes i’m ranting #queer baiting #queerbait #selfcest #please get over yourselves

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high-functioning-lokipath · 4 years ago

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Prompt: "I'll Be Here To Protect You" - Loki x Reader - Words: 2,564

A/N: This sort of follows the oneshot "Worthy" but can be read alone. Basically, Reader is Silver Shadow (see Marvel character list for reference), Loki and Reader are married, yada yada, you'll see…

"Silver? I think you should take a look at this," Cap said over the comms. You, Cap, Loki, and Widow had gone to investigate a Hydra base you'd received intel on. You'd been informed that the base was abandoned but that they still had some records stored there.

"On my way," You replied to the Captain, teleporting over immediately. "Oh my goodness," You gasped at the sight that greeted you. There, lying curled up in a small cage, was a girl no older than 5 or 6. Cap ripped open the cage and gently pulled her out, holding her in his arms. She whimpered slightly and you could tell she'd been beaten. Instantly, you wanted to kill the people who'd done that to her.

"Can you help her?" He whispered, not wanting to startle her any more. You nodded and held out your arms to take her. As soon as you touched her, you started working.

"You might need to hold me up," You warned the Captain. "This is going to be tiring."

"Alright," He nodded. "Then let's get you out of here." He easily lifted you both and carried you out to the quinjet. You vaguely heard him talking on the comms but were a bit too focused to actually make out his words. He set you down on one of the chairs with the girl curled up in your lap. After a while, before the others got back, she seemed to be healed and sleeping. You were exhausted so you adjusted yourself slightly in the chair and dozed off as well.

"Y/N?" You turned your head, eyes still refusing to open with exhaustion, and groaned slightly feeling the kink in your neck from sleeping weird. "Y/N! Please wake up, hm? Please?" Someone said. Now they were poking your arm. Your other arm however seemed to be asleep, as you couldn't feel it, and you had a weight on your legs and chest. Suddenly remembering what all had transpired, your eyes shot open. "See? I told you she would wake up if I did that!" Natasha said, with what you knew to be false happiness, to the girl on your lap. The girl simply glared back at Nat before turning her attention to you, with a completely different expression. Her eyes widened and she tried smiling as though she was out of practice and waved slightly.

"Hi there," You smiled. "My name's Y/N. What's yours?" She frowned and looked away before mumbling something. "Hm? I couldn't hear you," You said.

"Helius," She replied with a frown.

"Oh," You replied. "Well, do you like that name?" She shook her head vigorously. "Would you like a new name? One just as pretty as you?"

"Really?" She asked, eyes lighting up once more.

"Yep! And then you'll have a special name for yourself! Just like I do, and just like Natasha," You said pointing at the redhead. "And-" You were about to point to your husband when you realized for the first time since waking back up that he wasn't with the team anymore. Your eyes darted back to Nat who looked worried.

"Y/N?" The little girl said quietly, pulling on your sleeve.

"What is it, dear?" She whispered in it in your ear and you nodded. "Oh yes, um. The bathroom's right over here." You took her over and opened the door.

"I get to use that?" She asked, surprised.

"Yes," You replied slowly.

"Wow! You're really nice!" She hurried inside and closed the door herself. You stood there for a moment, shocked, and Nat walked up behind you.

"She's not even accustomed to using a normal bathroom, Nat!"

"Those people, if they even should be called that," she said, shaking her head. "Are monsters." You looked around once more, trying to see if Loki had shown back up. "He's up with Steve," She said, pointing to the cockpit.

"What? Why? He's willingly spending time with the Captain?" You said teasing.

"He said he needed to think."

"Did he give any clues?"

"Not verbally. But I think he's nervous."

"About what?" You exclaimed. She nodded towards the bathroom door.

"Being a Dad."

"A Da-" you interrupted yourself, chuckling lightly. "You think just because we found her means we'll be her parents?" Nat smirked and nodded. "First of all, Tony will probably have a cow if we wanted to keep her."

"Well your husband had a horse, may I remind you."

"That was a made up story! Would you please stop referencing it!" You shrieked.

"Only when it stops being funny," She laughed.

"Second, there's probably already some rule in place that states we need to put her in the custody of Child Protective Services."

"We'll see about that."

"She's yours!" Tony said 2 hours later once you'd arrived home and gone straight to a conference room to meet with him.

"What?" You exclaimed. You hadn't even had the chance to talk with Loki yet. You glanced outside the room at the girl sitting in the hallway. The whole team was there with you but Loki had still not said a word. You looked at him but he refused to make eye contact and you couldn't read his expression. "Don't get me wrong, Tony. She's wonderful and I think she deserves the world but why?"

"You found her! Who knows if she has powers? It's best to have one of our own caring for her just in case. And besides, according to Romanoff's story, the girl practically glared daggers into anyone else who came her way."

"Alright I guess. I mean," You sighed. "Loki? Darling? Um, what do you think?"

"You've already made the decision, Stark. I will respect that and allow my wife to make the necessary changes to our living quarters to care for the child. Now is there anything else you'll be needing at the moment? I need a shower."

"Uh, no. It's-we're done," Tony said, seeming surprised at Loki's attitude just as you were. You all started to head out but Tony stopped you for a moment. "Here," He said, handing you a credit card. "Buy whatever you want for her." You smiled and shook your head.

"What do you know? The man of iron does have a heart."

"Yeah but don't tell anyone," He chuckled.

About a week later, Helius was in her new bedroom, thoroughly showered in gifts from Tony, but still not talking to anyone. Neither was Loki for that matter. You yourself were exhausted, staying up late nights keeping the girl company when she woke up screaming from nightmares. When you eventually came back to bed, you often found your husband had gotten up already and disappeared somewhere to 'be alone'. With Helius, you offered her a few ideas for a new name but she didn't like any of them. You even told her some ideas the others had suggested but she hated those even more. You seemed to be the only one she was comfortable with. With Loki, you'd tried to talk to him, even calling and texting him but he wouldn't answer. Today, though, you decided you needed to do something about both of them or else you were probably going to go crazy. First, though, you had some formal paperwork to take care of with Tony in order to have legal guardianship of her.

"I don't know what to do about it, Stank," You sighed, hours later. Tony wrinkled his nose slightly at the nickname but listened. "Half of this I honestly still can't fill out for you because she won't pick a name. I don't know how to make her socialize and I sure don't know how to get Loki to spill what's bugging him." Tony got up and walked to your side, putting his hand on your shoulder.

"I'm not sure what to tell you either, Shiny."

"Watch it," You hissed, whipping out a knife you always kept on your person and holding it dangerously close to his baby-maker. He backed away quickly.

"Maybe you just need to corner your husband and, uh, pull that trick on him," He chuckled nervously. "Ok, well, um, just hold onto that paperwork and send it to me when it's done, alright?" You nodded and gathered it together before heading back to your floor. It was early afternoon and you thought you may have a shot at talking to your husband while Helius took her nap. She'd found her own little routine to keep her occupied during the day in her room even when you weren't there. But you always had to be home when she slept because of her nightmares and she refused to socialize with others.

"I'll be in the bedroom until dinner is ready," Loki said upon your return.

"Can we please talk first?" You asked.

"There's nothing to discuss," He replied, quickly walking to the bedroom and slamming the door.

"Oh yes there is!" You exclaimed, teleporting yourself inside the bedroom.

"I hate when you do that!" He yelled.

"Well I hate when you do this! Now man up and tell me what's wrong or I really will back you in a corner with my knife!"

"I don't want to talk about it, alright?" He hissed. "Now keep your voice down or else you'll alert the child that we're having a disagreement."

"Oh, so you're finally acknowledging her?" A guilty expression flashed over his face and he turned away. "What is it, Loki?" You pleaded. "I don't want to argue. I just want to know what's going through your mind. Ever since we found her, you've been-"

"You found her," He said. "I want no part in raising a child that is not my own."

"What about your own blood?" You asked, wondering for your own future if he was against kids in general or not.

"I-" He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know. But I certainly don't want to adopt. I've never seen a good result of adoption."

"Oh," You said slowly. "So that's what this is about."

"What do you mean?"

"You're worried about your own background. Is that it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," He huffed, crossing his arms and further distancing himself from you.

"Loki, please. Listen to me. You may not have had the best family situation yourself, but that doesn't mean you won't be a great Dad. I think-no-I know you'd do wonderfully! Please believe me!"

"I-"

"Mommy!" A voice called out, sounding frightened. Your eyes and Loki's widened in surprise. She'd never called you that before.

"I had better check on her," You sighed. Loki nodded and you rushed off. Half an hour later you came out of her room to find Loki waiting for you on the couch.

"What happened?"

"More nightmares," You groaned and slumped down next to him.

"Is that why you're never in bed anymore?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah. It seems she can't go more than half an hour without having another one." He nodded silently and took your hand in his.

"Well, I suppose I should commend you for your sacrifices for her. I just don't know if I can-" You shushed him, pressing a finger to his lips.

"I understand, Loki," You smiled sadly. "Mind you, I don't exactly agree. But I respect how you feel. I guess I can talk with Tony tomorrow about finding her a new home." You got up quickly, to hide your own emotions from him, and went to prepare dinner. That night, Loki made you go to bed extra early so you could actually get some sleep. You appreciated it, but your internal clock had gotten so used to it already that it woke you up a few hours later about the time Helius would be having her first nightmare. When you didn't hear anything from her room, you got worried. You rushed out of your bedroom and, as you approached her room, heard voices.

"Where's mommy?" Helius cried, again sounding frightened. Drawing your knife outside her closed door, you were ready to teleport in a surprise whatever intruder was there.

"She's sleeping, sweetheart. Do you think your new Dad could help you?" You nearly cried at hearing Loki's voice so soft and gentle with her. It took you a few more seconds to process that he'd referred to himself as her 'Dad'.

"I thought you hated me," She whispered.

"I don't hate you, little one," He assured her. "Do you want to know why I haven't talked to you yet?" You didn't hear a reply but as Loki went on you could only assume she nodded. "I never had a good father. And when you came along a week ago, I was so worried that if I tried to be your father I would mess something up. And I couldn't let that happen because you are too wonderful and too beautiful."

"I don't have a beautiful name," she sighed.

"Hasn't mommy come up with any good ideas?" He asked.

"No, well, yes but I didn't like any of them. They're pretty but," she trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"May I suggest one of my personal favorites?" You cracked the door open just a little so you could see. Their backs were to you, sitting on the edge of the bed. Loki had his arm wrapped around her as she curled onto his side, dwarfed by his height even sitting. She nodded slowly in reply to his question. "How about Arabella?"

"I love it!" She exclaimed, standing quickly and jumping up and down. "Thank you, Dad," She said smiling brightly as she threw her arms around his neck for a hug. He was surprised but gladly gave her a somewhat awkward hug back. "But what if the monsters come back?" She asked, voice trembling slightly.

"I'll protect you."

"Always?"

"I, Loki of Asgard, hereby make a promise to you, Arabella, my daughter. I'll be here to protect you forever and always." Arabella hugged him again and started crying. "Why are you crying, my dear?"

"Because you're the most bestest Dad I could ever ask for."

"Well, I, uh, thank you," He stuttered, not used to that kind of compliment. "I've got an idea. How about tomorrow morning I introduce you to some of the others here?"

"Why? I don't wanna!" You bit back a chuckle at her childish exclamation.

"But they're all really nice and they'll be like your new Aunts and Uncles!"

"Well, maybe," She conceded.

"Good! Now why don't you go back to sleep and I'll stay right here until all the monsters go away for tonight." She nodded and gave him another hug before allowing him to tuck her in. You smiled, wiping away your own tears, and snuck back to your bedroom. A couple hours later, Loki snuck back in himself.

"So how's the bestest Dad doing?" You whispered. Loki tensed up when you said that.

"So you heard us?" He said. You got up and wrapped your arms around his waist from behind.

"Yep," you said. "And I couldn't be happier. You really mean it? This means I don't have to talk to Tony tomorrow?"

"Absolutely not!" He replied grinning.

"Well then I have some very exciting news for you." He turned around, quirking his eyebrows questioningly. "How would you like to be a father to two?"

#loki #loki oneshot #loki imagine #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki x oc #silver shadow #marvel #avengers

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lebenspurpur · 3 years ago

Note

hi!! i love your blog! could you do an nsfw alphabet for amanda young, please??

Thank you :>

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Amanda really has to grow used to take care of someone. She's been alone for a long time and therefore didn't have a lot of aftercare to do.

She's surprisingly good at being tender and caring. That's an even bigger astonishment for herself, after all, she thinks she's this evil, bad person.

She's very good at stitching people up so when something gets out of hand (or it doesn't and you're just hardcore), she's going to treat you fast and efficiently.

If you've earned her trust, she also won't say no to cuddling afterward. Amanda finds a lot of peace in your warm body pressed against hers, arms enveloping you tightly.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Her favorite body part on her own body are her arms. Amanda is surprisingly strong and it comes to good use when she's trying to please you.

Her favorite body part on you is your mouth. The acts of pleasure your lips and tongue are capable of are endless and Amanda loves it.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Amanda loves when you come on her tongue. There's something very pleasing about it to her.

Otherwise, she doesn't think about cum all that much. It's a normal thing, something that she doesn't really think about.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

This shouldn't really be a surprise but Amanda has her own "traps" for sex. She won't talk about them unless she has to punish you.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Amanda has experience but her past lovers weren't really good lovers. Therefore, her idea of sex is not the best so the first time you two hook up, she's quite astonished herself.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

She likes when you're on top of her, hands on either side of your hips as she admires your body in its glory. It doesn't matter if she's sitting up or not either, she just likes the feeling of you on top of her.

But really, anything will do as long as she has a little bit of control.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Amanda is usually serious but she can be quite sarcastic.

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

She doesn't have time to shave. And before she met you, she didn't even have a reason.

Amanda doesn't have a lot of body hair but it's quite thick.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Amanda is a little bit scared of intimacy and romance. Until now, those feelings only hurt her.

As soon as she trusts you, sex is one of her more intimate moments. She likes to whisper praises, I love you's, and other sweet things into your ear during your orgasm. A reminder of her feelings.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Amanda only really masturbates when it's absolutely necessary and she has time to do it. So not really often.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Bondage, overstimulation, and sensory deprivation are some of her favorites.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the "do")

Everywhere except any place, John could come in. Which aren't a lot considering that man is on the brink of death.

The bed will always be her number one but really, get her horny and she'll take you wherever you're standing.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Little sweet actions. Holding her hand. Kissing her palms. Complimenting her. Buying a gift for her.

Amanda is touch and affection starved and she gets riled up when she receives any.

Also, wearing revealing clothing can do the trick.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Amanda hates, and I mean loathes, not having any control. Nothing makes her panic more, even if she trusts you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Amanda loves receiving as much as giving. She doesn't have a preference at all.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Amanda usually likes rough, longer sessions that leave you tired and bruised.

When she's emotional, one sensual round is also enough to please her.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Amanda loves quickies, due to her relatively busy schedule. She always makes time for some, if you're down for it.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Amanda is all for risks, but only if you respect her absolute no's.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Amanda, though a former drug addict, has some stamina. She might not be able to go forever but it's enough to make you beg for her to stop.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Amanda owns a shit ton of sex toys of every kind. It's like she's collecting them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Amanda is quite unfair. Teasing you makes her feel really dominant and also proud that she's the one in control.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Amanda is more on the quiet side but as soon as she lets down her guard, she moans shamelessly.

Otherwise, she talks a lot. Praising, cursing, she'll never shut up.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Amanda likes biting until she draws blood. Or until you draw blood. She doesn't care who bites whom.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture, or words)

TW Body image, scars, and all that shit

Amanda is pretty muscular. She might not look like it but that's because her muscles come from hard work, not hours of workouts.

She's pretty skinny due to not eating a lot. You can definitely see her ribs shine beneath her pale skin.

Very beautiful breasts, I imagine. Kind of small but with pretty, dark nipples.

Skinny, pale legs, painted with scars. Her labia is a dark red that looks very aesthetically pleasing compared to her white skin.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Amanda's sex drive is a little bit higher than average. It also really depends on her schedule and whether she has time or not.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Amanda takes a while to fall asleep. Calming down is something she struggles with so she prefers to cuddle, admire your sleeping body, before she rests herself.

#amanda young #amanda young x reader #saw franchise #saw #saw 3 #amanda young headcanons #slasher x reader #slashers #horror x reader #horror

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chihomichannel · 4 years ago

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i wish you all the happiness in the world

| pairing: oikawa tooru x short female! reader | summary: In which you loved each other for all this time but timing was never on your side | genre: angst, fluff, suggestive, kinda smut but not really | warnings: MANGA SPOILERS, cursing, alcohol, NOT EDITED ‘cause i’m tired | word count: 6964 words | a/n: hi hi! this is my first haikyuu ff. hope you like it! ヾ(＠^∇^＠)ノ i have to say though, i’m not really satisfied with this smh. it’s more like a summary of an entire fanfic i’ve thought for oikawa siiigh. this also was kinda rushed by the end ‘cause i wanna post it already jhbksdjna

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You treasure your time back in childhood. Whenever you think back to those days, you would be reminded of the times you spent with Oikawa and Iwaizumi by your side. Still young and ignorant to the world other than your own little bubble, you played around and made memories that even years later, you could still remember what you felt back then. What it felt like to pull on your sister’s hair and the terror that went with it, what it felt like to accidentally injure yourself after you tried copying that one commercial you saw on TV, what it felt like to trip over your own feet as you dived head first to receive a ball for the first time - and with all those times of stupidity and utter fun, Oikawa and Iwaizumi was always there. You don’t even remember the first time you met them. All you knew was that they were already a part of your life for as long as you could remember.

You and Oikawa are next-door neighbors and Iwaizumi lives just right around the corner by the end of the street. For everyday that passed by, you three were always joined at the hips. You can’t even remember a time in your childhood that you weren’t with either of the two. Or maybe it was because it was so long ago that you don’t remember everything now that you’re a bit older.

But a distinct memory of Oikawa forcing both you and Iwaizumi’s pinkies to his as he shouted in promise “Someday, we’ll make it all to nationals!” Nationals. What a fancy word for such young dreamers.

But hence, when you reached the age of kindergarten, your parents made it a mission and a promise to always, always enroll the three of you in the same school. They thought your friendship was cute and special. Even everyone in the neighborhood found your little group endearing. They could never imagine one without the other two or either of the bunch. You would always be three and that would never change. At least that was the ideal reality that everyone imagined for you three.

Though that ideal friendship remained true for years and years. But in your final year of middle school, that was when everything shifted its course.

It was when Oikawa and you were alone in between the two gyms that separated the boy’s volleyball team and the girl’s volleyball team. You were a setter, a genius setter. And during that time, you didn’t know the animosity Oikawa held towards genius volleyball players. So when he told you “You’re a really great setter” And with the small smile accompanied by those fluttering words, a great wave of pride swelled in your chest to hear such a comment from such a great setter, a tinge of pink painted across your cheeks.

You let out a small shy “Thank you” Your eyes stuck on the ground with your hair hiding your reddening cheeks. You didn’t notice the slight quirk in the corners of his smile. Too busy with your head in the clouds, you failed to notice the envy that flashed through his dark chocolate-brown eyes.

While you were busy pining over your new realized feelings, Oikawa was also busy over his conflicting feelings for you. You were his friend, his best friend along with Iwaizumi. So why does he harbor so much jealousy towards you? It was him who got you into volleyball in the first place. It was him who dragged you out of bed every morning for as long as he could remember just to play volleyball. But seeing you do so much better than him, even when he would never face you on the court, he couldn’t help but feel insecure in your presence.

He thinks he could do more, be better and surpass every living genius in the world of volleyball. He wants to be the best. He needs to be much much better. And with the green-eyed monster controlling his need to be the best, without knowing it, he held a resentment against you.

And you, none the wiser of your friend’s bitterness towards you, you found more reasons to be around Oikawa more. More than you already do. Which to be honest did not help calm the growing storm Oikawa harbors in his heart. You always just seem to be everywhere and seeing you always reminds him of what he’s lacking. Feelings of guilt, envy and your sudden overwhelming presence is what drove him to finally snap. To finally pull the trigger and kill whatever’s left of his fondness towards you.

Iwaizumi had told you that Oikawa has been pushing himself much more than normal. Oikawa has been losing his cool and Iwaizumi has explained the pressure, the constant need to be better and the inferiority Oikawa feels towards players like Kageyama and Ushijima. But neither you nor Iwaizumi knew you were one of those Oikawa felt inferior to.

So one late afternoon, the sun has set and the sky is minutes away from dark. Hours after classes were dismissed and the rest of the players had been sent home, you entered the boy’s volleyball gym alongside Iwaizumi to see that Oikawa is still hell-bent on practicing.

You frowned. You could see how exhausted he was but still, he stood on his two feet, determined. Before you could even call out his name, Kageyama caught your attention as he made his way to his senior “Oikawa-san, please teach me how to serve”

As if something inside him snapped in half, Oikawa’s hand flew towards Kageyama only for Iwaizumi to catch his arm in time “Get a grip you moron!” Stunned silence echoed through the gym, only heavy breaths and wide eyes spoke volumes of what just happened. “I’m sorry” Oikawa relaxed and Iwaizumi let him go. But his eyes, he was just as shocked with his actions as much as everyone was.

“Kageyma, I’m sorry but we’re done for the day” Iwaizumi’s spoke and with that, Kageyama walked away, eyeing Oikawa warily as he passed him by.

“Tooru?” Your voice caught his attention. You being there sent him in overload and before he could stop himself, before Iwaizumi had the chance to stop the words that flew out of Oikawa’s mouth, he snapped once again. But this time, there was no stopping it.

“You!” He bellowed, you flinched “I hate you! I hate you and your presence and everything that is you!”

“Huh?” “Wha-? OI!”

“-Why are you always everywhere? Why do you have to be a part of my life? You’re always in my eyes! You’re always there and I am sick of it!” Oikawa huffed, tears brimming on his eyes. You’re already crying.

“You like me don’t you?”

He knows

“-Well I don’t like it! Stay away from me will you! You overwhelm me!”

He knows

You clenched your hand, shaking.

“-WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE A SETTER?!” With a frustrated cry, Oikawa dropped to his knees and suddenly, you realize.

‘He hates me’ You thought. You didn’t even dwell as to why when you ran out the gym. You heard Iwaizumi call out your name but you ignored him and ran. You ran and ran until your lungs forced you to stop, tumbling down to your knees as you sobbed in the empty road under the street light.

You can’t understand for the life of you. Had you been mean to him? Have you done something wrong? Or is it because he knows you like him and he doesn’t feel that way towards you. Maybe you made him uncomfortable. His mother doesn’t really help as she always gushes about how you should be her future daughter-in-law. You had overwhelmed him and now he hates you.

It was only the night before Monday did you remember what he last told you.

“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE A SETTER?”

‘Ah’ you thought as you realized the roots of his new found resentment towards you.

Oikawa has always been ambitious and successful at whatever he sets his mind into. But he was no genius and his skills were practiced, it did not come naturally. You remembered those times he ranted about Ushijima and how unbelievably strong he is. And Kageyama and how he’s younger yet so much better than he is. And then there’s you.

He had never complained about you. Or at least none that you knew about. You should have realized when people started calling you a genius. You should have noticed the change of his demeanor towards you. How he doesn’t smile genuinely anymore. How you weren’t actually friends anymore.

You didn’t love volleyball and maybe that’s one of the reasons why he hates you. Or maybe that’s the exact reason why. You don’t even love it yet you’re so good at it. No wonder he was frustrated about you. He’s not just envious about your skills, he’s also frustrated to see you obtain something he wants when you’re only half-hearted into the game. It was a reminder that no matter how hard he pushed himself, there would always be some genius that would trample over his hardened efforts.

You couldn’t believe how fast you could go from liking someone to hating them the next.

You avoided him after that incident. You avoided him like the plague. You still talk to Iwaizumi though but not as much as before. You distanced yourself from them and before you knew it, you had graduated.

Over the summer, that was when people noticed the shift in the dynamic of your friendship. The three became two and you’re now only one. You don’t leave your house, not even when Iwaizumi called out your name for an hour because you knew Oikawa would be there.

Oikawa did not make any effort to reconcile with you and it annoyed you to no end. It was always Iwaizumi acting as the mediator but eventually, even he gave up. It was tiring to force two people to reconcile when neither party wanted anything to do with the other.

It doesn’t mean Oikawa didn’t feel guilty. His guilt was one of the reasons why he exploded and it was also guilt that made him ashamed of facing you. You were a precious friend, a childhood friend, a person who’s known him for so long. A person who knows him better than his family and yet he pushed you away.

And now you won’t come back.

At the opening ceremony in high school, he waited for you. He thought that he would make peace with you. Apologize once and for all. You were already in high school for god’s sake. You had let the whole summer wash away the broken pieces of your friendship with no way of reconciliation. You had wasted a whole summer and Oikawa’s determined to bring everything back to where it was. Even if it meant to pick up all the pieces of the broken fragments of your strained friendship. He would do so. Because you’re precious to him, more than you nor he could understand.

But you never came. And at once, all that courage and determination in him was also washed away.

You went to Karasuno for high school and swore your soul to the gods that exist that you would never ever step foot into a volleyball court ever again. You had decided to quit on volleyball. Sure, you were a genius at it but you didn’t love it. At least not as much as some people you know. But that promise was also thrown away when Sugawara, a classmate, begged you to be their manager.

He was resolute and you were annoyed. And so you rejected his offer. Though that did not stop him from pestering you, begging you down to his knees which is why you found yourself watching a practice match held in the school’s volleyball gym.

‘They’re weak’ You thought. You didn’t really care as you watched the team pathetically lost. You could not stress enough the difference in power between your school and the away team. It was truly and utterly pitiable.

You had heard about the tale of the once powerhouse that is Karasuno and you wondered what happened. You learned that your school had once managed to make it to the nationals so why is the team so weak now? No coach, no manager, just players.

You were already leaving, indifferent to your school’s volleyball team when your ears perked up on an insult, an insult that sent you to overdrive and before you knew it, you were screaming. You screamed at your school’s team. You screamed a vow, a vow to get them to nationals once again. And so beyond your belief, you were on the court once again. Though this time, you were only at the side.

It was in the Interhigh Tournament did you and Oikawa look at each other once again. His eyes were wide while yours was determined, glaring at him as if challenging him. He knew of your abilities and how well you could use that to coach others. He knew you could use that to examine opponents and use that knowledge against them. You were a genius that way. And so seeing you in the opponent’s team as their manager made him nervous. Just because you were a manager doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be able to help the team technically.

But how can you help a team that doesn’t want your help in the first place? It was only you and your other fellow first years that were bitter when you lost in the first round. Your seniors seemed to accept that your team just wasn’t good enough. And the frustration sent you to silent tears as you questioned your decision of being involved in volleyball again.

And Oikawa, being the ever jackass that he is, used the opportunity to tease you. An excuse to talk to you. And imagine the delight he felt when you gave him the attention. And so started the rivalry you never imagined you would have with him.

You thought that maybe if he hadn’t chosen to tease you that day, you would’ve quit the volleyball club. And maybe if he hadn’t teased you that day, you would have probably never talked again.

Three years passed and it was your last year at high school. With the addition of promising first years, you faced off against Aoba Johsai in the Spring Interhigh Qualifiers. Karasuno won and would face off Shiratorizawa for the finals. You should be glad, ecstatic even. So why are you sad? Why are you mourning for your childhood friends’ loss? Why won’t you look away from the opponent and celebrate with your team?

But how could you when you could see the two special people in your life fight off the tears that threatened to stream down their eyes. And the night after Karasuno beat Shiratorizawa, you thought ‘Nationals’

You were the only one who made it to Nationals. And you weren’t even a player.

The thought of that stupid childhood promise left a bitter taste on your mouth.

๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ ⋆ ࣪. ˖ ࣪⭑ ˖ ࣪ ٬ ุ๋ ⸱ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ ⋆ ࣪. ˖ ࣪⭑ ˖ ࣪ ๋࣭

The high of the nationals died down once it was over and you and your fellow third years now focus on studying for the finals and upcoming university entrance exams. It was dismissal time and having no volleyball club activities any more, you head straight home, parting ways with Sugawara at the intersection.

You sighed. The sky is orange with hues of pink, purple and blue painting the sky gradient. You had arrived by your house’s gate when you heard the ruckus of voices. Male voices. So you turn and lo and behold, it was Oikawa, Iwaizumi and number 2 and 3 from what you could remember.

They turn to look at you and their ruckus dies down. You turned your back at them, already opening the gate when Iwaizumi called out your name. You turn your focus back at them “Would you mind tutoring us?”

“Please, she’s bad at math” Oikawa commented. You felt a nerve pop out of your neck “You bitch, you suck at everything but volleyball!”

“Excuse me, I’m in class 6-” “Doesn’t matter”

Iwaizumi could only sigh as Matsukawa and Hanamaki watched in amusement. ‘So you’re the famous childhood friend’ they thought.

You and Oikawa stared down at each other, neither backing down. For added effect, you crossed your arms which earned a snort from the setter “Please?” Iwaizumi pleaded. With a sigh, you looked at your friend “Fine. I’ll just tell mom first”

Why did you accept? You didn’t know. But you knew you didn’t mind being around Oikawa now. Though you don’t really trust him, not anymore.

Your mom was surprised to hear you would be going to Oikawa’s house. It’s been years and she could not hide the glee on her face as she practically pushed you out of the house. With a deep breath, you made your way to his house.

The door opened to his mother who, like your mom, albeit a bit more enthusiastic, was ecstatic beyond relief at the sight of you. She asked you continuously without giving you any chance to reply “Did you finally make up? Are you friends again? You’re talking again? How splendid! Why did you stop talking in the first place? I was so sad. I missed you so dearly. It wasn't the same without you”

She kept on beaming and you only replied in awkward chuckles, not wanting to kill her joy and tell her you still very much held a grudge against her son. But fortunately, she left you to the company of the four boys who sprawled all around the couch, bags thrown at the side with the television on in a music channel. A girl group is performing.

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be studying?”

“Shh, Miho-chan is singing” Oikawa held a finger on his lips. You could only grimace at their focus on the girl group. Maybe you should go now.

But before you could even turn around, Iwaizumi had turned off the TV much to the boys’ protests “Fanboy later you horny scumbags”

“You know I’m here, right?” You say and Iwaizumi sent you an apologetic smile.

“You don’t count as a girl anyway so it doesn’t really matter” You felt your heart drop at Oikawa’s comment. You frowned, dropping your books down on the coffee table with a slam. The three boys jumped, startled. They were sitting down on the floor when you did that.

With a huff, you sat down at the end of the table while Matsukawa and Hanamaki sat beside each other and across from them sat Oikawa and Iwaizumi “So-” You cleared your throat as they looked at you in synchrony “-what is it you need help in?”

๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ ⋆ ࣪. ˖ ࣪⭑ ˖ ࣪ ٬ ุ๋ ⸱ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ ⋆ ࣪. ˖ ࣪⭑ ˖ ࣪ ๋࣭

You looked up to the digital clock hanging on the wall. 8:47 pm, it read “Aren’t you guys gonna go home?”

Oikawa is fast asleep on the coffee table, head resting in his arms. Matsukawa has given up on his practice test and Hanamaki sat spaced out. It was only Iwaizumi whose focus is still on his notes. Even you gave up 15 minutes ago, feeling your head ache as the words start swirling incoherently in your mind.

You received a hum of reply, everyone focused on their own little worlds. You sighed, closing your book and tucking in the notes in your bag in a hurry. You stood up, groaning at the ache that has built up on your legs from hours of sitting. The others noticed this and copied your actions, slowly standing up and slinging their bags on their shoulders “You all should rest for the day. Just continue tomorrow”

Iwaizumi did not budge from his position and you walked out of the living room to the front door, Matsukawa and Hanamaki hot on your heels. Once you were outside, you were about to bid them goodbye when Hanamaki beat you to it “Hey, I’ve been thinking. Why didn’t you go to Seijoh?”

Matsukawa hit Hanamaki in the back of his head, earning a hiss from the latter “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that”

“Why? Did they talk about me?” Your smile was sad it could come off as a frown. The two boys looked at you sheepishly and you chuckled, turning away from them as you unlocked your gate “We’ve heard the three of you were close and that something happened. They didn’t really elaborate. You’re a really touchy subject” This made you laugh

“Damn” You turned back around to face them to see that they’re still on the same spot, waiting for your response. But you only gave them half a smile, bid goodbye and entered your house.

The next day, you slept through your alarm. Only waking up when your mother woke you up with a screech. And so you skipped on breakfast, snatching a biscuit from the top of the refrigerator and dashed out of your house. Only to be met with Oikawa getting on his bike, obviously late like you are.

“Shouldn’t you be at morning practice?” “Shouldn’t you know that 3rd years don’t go to practice anymore?” You rolled your eyes.

“Geez, how could I know? I don’t go to your school, dumbass” Oikawa pedaled to match your pace “You sound like Iwa-chan, chibi-chan~”

You held your tongue, though your frown failed to conceal your annoyance. Oikawa gazed at you, pursing his lips as you refused to look at his way “Hop on, chibi-chan. No matter how fast you go, you’ll still be late with those tiny legs of yours”

“Can you shut up?!” “What? Is that your best retort? How lame~” You kicked the wheel of his bike sending him trembling out of balance “Hey!”

You huffed. You did not sign up for so much annoyance so early in the morning. You groaned, head looking up at the sky in exasperation when Oikawa blocked your way “Please, please get hit by a truck” Oikawa looked offended

“Ouch, chibi-chan. Just hop on already, you know I’m right” He gave you a grin which only aggravated you more “No”

“Don’t be so stubborn, little girl” “I am not little” “Your height says otherwise” “I’ll kill you!”

Both of you were locked out of the gate that day.

Your review with the four boys continued everyday after school. As well as your morning walk to the school being bombarded by Oikawa. When he learned what time you go to school, Oikawa made it his mission to walk with you. Always biking at your pace as he ranted on and on much to your dismay. You had begged Iwaizumi to go to school with the two of you since Oikawa doesn’t give any signs of giving up on you. But Iwaizumi only gave you a grunt for a response, mumbling about respecting his sleep.

And came one Friday morning, 2 weeks left of school and 3 days before university entrance examinations. Oikawa is waiting by your gate as always and hopped on at the sight of you “Morning, chi-bi-chan~”

Closing your gate, he waits for you to walk but was pleasantly surprised when you sat on the back of his bike “Huh?”

“Bike” You said and so he did. He began telling a story about Iwaizumi tripping in front of his crush, elaborating on what happened that day. And you, you were uncharacteristically quiet.

Usually, you’ll banter with him. And so when you called out his name, Oikawa could feel that you were about to say something heavy. So he continued rambling, zoning out your voice and filling the air with his words.

“Tooru” He paused, his heart thundering against his chest. It has been years since he last heard you call him by his name “Yeah?”

“Why are you acting like we’re friends” Oikawa let out a strained smile but you didn’t see

“Damn, that hurts y/n-chan” He said in jest but you could hear the genuine hurt in his voice. Oikawa felt your hand tighten as you clutch on the back of his jacket.

“Tooru-” You leaned your head against his back ‘-it’s weird how this makes me feel happy but hurt’ You thought

“Tooru-” ‘-I’m glad we’re talking again’

Oikawa could feel his heart go erratic, longing for whatever that is on your mind. Voice it out, he thought. Voice it out. But you don’t

“Tooru-” ‘-how come I still like you?’

That night, everyone is staying over at Oikawa’s house except for you. It would be weird considering you’re the only girl and your parents didn’t let you. But here you were, shivering in the cold as you knocked on the window outside Oikawa’s room. He was there because it was him who called you out at 2 in the morning, begging you to come. You shouldn’t have come but you couldn’t really resist him. Not even after all these years. Not even after convincing yourself to move on from him.

You’re whipped and you’re annoyed by it.

‘He’s a jackass’ You think as he holds your hand to support you down ‘He shouted at you. Never apologized, rejected you before you even had a chance to confess. He’s an annoying son of a bitch’

Your heart flutters when you stumble against his chest, Oikawa holding you by the shoulders to steady you “You’re cold” He says, his breath raining down on your hair. His breath was hot and your cheeks turned warm.

You fought the urge to look up at him but when he wrapped a blanket around you, your eyes unconsciously made its way to his face to see he was glowing red despite the darkness of his room.

“The others are in the living room” He says, pulling you down with him on his bed. Shuffling of sheets echoed around the room as Oikawa dived under the blanket. He had his arm under you while his other pulled you to his chest. He kept his arms around you, his chin on your head as you flushed yourself to his chest.

You could feel his heart, beating its way out of his chest. His heart slowly lulling you to sleep. He called out your name. You reluctantly pulled your head away from his chest and looked up at him “Hm?”

Oikawa bite his tongue, mulling over the words in his head. Should he tell you right now? What would your reaction be? He doesn’t want to hurt you again. He doesn’t want to repeat the same mistakes. He doesn’t want this moment to stop. For the world to pause and let him hold you close to him.

He thinks it over - deciding he should tell you soon. But not know. Not when your cheeks are red, your half-lidded eyes glossy as you gazed at him longingly. Oikawa leans in, planting a soft kiss to your forehead that tells you exactly what he feels. You could feel yourself shrink under the affection.

You didn’t notice that you fell asleep. Did not know that his eyes scanned every nook and crevices of your face. How beautiful you looked to him. How you would always be the prettiest in his eyes. How he looked at you so utterly and deeply in love it hurts to know that the time is ticking.

Oikawa brushes the strand of hair on your face, pushing it behind your ears in an agonizingly slow pace. He takes his time feeling your skin, placing his lips on your forehead and falls asleep with your warmth wrapped against his.

After that night, you and Oikawa grew more affectionate with each other. Sure, you still banter. That would never change. But there was a shift in the air and you knew there was something in there. But neither of you admitted anything. Still friends but much more than just that. Nothing was official and no one acknowledged the elephant in the room.

And you were glad it was never official. Because after graduation, Oikawa’s mom threw a party for him. A graduation party. A farewell party.

It seems like night brings out the intimacy that the morning shies away. Oikawa had led you to the playground behind your house. You remembered playing here with Oikawa and Iwaizumi, practicing volleyball as always.

You climbed up the slide and sat down at the top, letting your feet dangle on the edge. Oikawa sat beside you, his long legs dangling down beside yours. You studied the difference and smiled to yourself.

“I’m going to Argentina” He says, refusing to look at you. His hands are pulled into a fist, trembling. You placed your hand on top of his, his shaking stops as he finally looks your way “That’s great” You said, and you mean it.

He smiles at you but it doesn’t reach his eyes. So you held his cheeks, head tilting to the side “It has always been your dream, Tooru. I can’t believe it’s finally happening”

“It’ll be hard” You snort “Of course. It’s Argentina dude. Japan is still miles away from their skills” Your eyes glint at that, giving Oikawa a determined smile “But we’ll beat you, just you wait”

“I’ll win first” And he means it. You laugh, hand dropping from his cheeks “I’ll look forward to it”

Oikawa gazes at you with so much adoration in his eyes. You were the only person who didn’t tell him his plans were stupid. And he loves you for that.

“I love you” he was the first to crack. Your cheeks turn red, expression shy at his intense gaze “I-I love you too” You stutter, a bit overwhelmed.

Oikawa chuckles “You’re cute” His words don't really help to die down the red in your cheeks. In fact, it only worsens it “Shut up” You grumble indignantly and he laughs.

“Hey, will you be my girlfriend?” At this, you looked at him with a sad smile.

“We can’t” Oikawa knew your answer before he even asked. But he didn’t expect the pain would hurt that much.

“Can’t we try?” His voice is painful and it broke your heart to see him so broken “Tooru” He looks at you pleadingly and he speaks

“I think I've been in love with you all this time. But to be honest-” He bitterly chuckles “-I was envious of you more than I liked you"

"And that's why it's a no" you smiled sadly.

"You love volleyball, Tooru. More than anything else. More than you. More than me" The atmosphere was somber. Until a thought passed by your mind and you tittered.

"More than milk bread" The both of you giggled.

"Yeah...more than milk bread"

Neither of you moved. Not even when the sun rose from its sleep and in a few hours, he'll leave.

He'll leave.

And you have to let him go. Even though he's right there beside you. So close yet so far away. He's there and he loves you. But for his dreams. For him.

You let him go.

And then he's gone. On the other side of the world, thousands and millions of miles away from you. And you regret the three years that could've been so much more if the two of you hadn't been so stupid and so prideful.

And just like that, years and years passed. Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi left abroad and only you stayed. Though you did move to Tokyo and worked at a hospital for a few months until the opportunity to work as an assistant manager and physical therapist for MSBY Black Jackals came up. You could only thank the stars for connections. In this field, you only get a chance if someone in it knows you. And luckily for you, you know a ton of them from your years as a manager back in high school.

It’s 2021 and 8 years have passed and you remained in contact with Oikawa. Though you don’t talk as much as you two now have your own separate lives. He has volleyball and you have your athletes. And of course, during the course of those 8 years, the both of you had dated several people. Some long term, some not so long. And inside those 8 years, you’ve finally convinced yourself you’ve moved on from Oikawa Tooru.

The olympics is this year and along with Iwaizumi, you were pulled in to be a manager and their physical therapist. You had made quite the reputation in the industry. What with your genius mind for volleyball, opponent teams that know you fear your analytical skills and your ability to use that knowledge for the benefit of your team. Really, all professional volleyball teams want you. It just so happens that it was MSBY Black Jackals that called you first.

Oikawa doesn’t know that you and Iwaizumi are part of the Japan team. And so when his team emerged, ready to face old rivals, Oikawa swore his eyes jumped at the sight of you and Iwaizumi.

Your heart swelled with pride, lips outstretched to a big smile. You’re proud of him, so so much.

You could only yelp when Oikawa sprinted towards you and pulled you and Iwaizumi in a tight hug. It’s been such a long time since you saw each other. And a thought passed by your head.

The three of you didn’t make it all in the nationals, but you sure did all go to the olympics.

When Japan lost and Argentina won, you didn’t find it in yourself to be sad. Instead, you were happy. Ecstatic. Euphoric. You’re so proud of everyone, of your teammates and rivals. To have made it this far, they were truly beyond just amazing.

๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ ⋆ ࣪. ˖ ࣪⭑ ˖ ࣪ ٬ ุ๋ ⸱ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ ⋆ ࣪. ˖ ࣪⭑ ˖ ࣪ ๋࣭

“You could stay with me” Oikawa says nonchalantly as he takes your bag from your hand, the hubbub of the crowd ringing in your ears as you exit the airport “My car’s right here” He tells you as you near a red sports sedan. Unlocking the car, he placed your bag at the backseat as you sat at the passenger's seat.

You’re in Argentina for the weekend for a seminar for sports physical therapists. Just two days, sure nothing could happen for such a short time.

“Nah, just drive me to a hotel” Oikawa gazed at you mischievously

“What? Afraid I’ll do something?” You threw a box of tissue at him “Shut up bitch” He laughed, taking a seat before starting the car “So you are”

“Please” You scoff.

You ended up staying at his guest room.

His house is in an apartment - a kitchen, a couch, a TV, a fucking gym, and pictures on the wall. His apartment is surprisingly cozy, you noted.

You dropped your phone on the bed, collapsing in fatigue. Your eyes were about to flutter shut when Oikawa’s voice boomed in the room “You should shower. Ya stinky from the flight” You rolled your eyes.

You reluctantly pushed yourself out of bed, passing by him and snatching the towel from his hands. You noticed he already changed into a shirt and shorts. You could see the outline of his muscles, lining down his chest. His thighs in view, you tried hard not to stare.

But of course, Oikawa being the ever asshole that he is, comments “Take a picture! It’ll last!”

Once shower was over, you fell down beside him on the couch, the television on in the sports channel. It’s Schweiden Adlers against Azuma Pharmacy Green Rockets. You smiled thoughtfully at the sight of Ushijima and Goshiki on TV.

“What time tomorrow is your seminar again?” Oikawa asks, passing you the milk break from the coffee table. You took it “8 in the morning until 5” He hums, bread down his throat.

“Wanna go out after? My practice ends at the same time” You yawn “Sure”

True to his words, he picked you up from the university 30 minutes after five. Oikawa took you everywhere, to the beach, to a restaurant, to a park, even to a club. Which is probably why he’s dragging your drunk ass to his apartment at 1 am.

You slipped from his arms and landed on the floor with a thud “Shit” You heard him curse under his breath as he hurriedly closed the door behind him. You felt arms curl around yours causing you to giggle “That tingles”

“How can you get drunk from 2 glasses of vodka?” He mused but you only giggled at him. Oikawa glanced at the clock, 1:42 am. Sighing, Oikawa put a hand under your knees and back, carrying you bridal style to your room.

“Tooru” You exhaled, your hot breath sticking to his face as he laid you down gently on the bed. Gulping, Oikawa turned away, grabbing the blanket to put it over you. He felt your hand enclose his cheek, forcing his gaze to you.

Your cheeks are red, illuminated by the moon that is the only light source in the room. Your hair is a mess and your breath stinks of vodka. Your eyes are closing, hands collapsing on your side as you exhale, dropping your head on the pillow. Oikawa notes the way your eyelashes squint and the mole in your left eyelid. And suddenly, Oikawa felt like he was eighteen again.

You could feel his breath, hear his heavy breathing and you flutter your eyes open. You shrink under his gaze, lips parting unconsciously and Oikawa fought with all his might not to kiss you right there and then. His eyes are half-lidded, filled with desire, longing, and love.

Love. Suddenly, you’re not so drunk anymore.

“Tooru” You breathed out in a soft voice. As if something in him snapped, his lips zoomed into yours in a passionate heated kiss. You moan, slinging your arms on his nape, pulling him closer to you until he was in between your thighs.

“Tooru” You slipped out when he removed his lips on yours only to kiss you again. You could feel the heat of his skin on yours as you pulled and pulled him closer as humanly possible. 8 years flashed through your eyes and all you could think about was how good it feels to have his lips nipping on your neck.

He moans your name, fingers combing through your hair in a desperate attempt to feel all of you. He’s wanted you for so long he couldn’t think straight when he felt your hands dig under his shirt, the cold of your hands digging into his back. He groans, kissing you again in the lips before letting you slip his shirt off his shoulders.

You hum, pulling away to kiss his collarbone, hands feeling his chest down to his abdomen. You felt him tug your shirt and you giggled into his chest, taking your shirt off only for Oikawa to roam his hands on your back, to your front then to your chest. He pressed a soft peck on the flesh of your breasts that wasn’t covered by your bra and he looked up at you and asked “Are you sure?”

“Yes” You exhaled and that was all it took for Oikawa to push you gently deeper to the bed, enjoying the feeling of his fingers working its way down to your legs. He took off your pants, Oikawa took a deep breath at the sight of your cunt. He goes back up to you, nuzzling his head into your neck and whispers “God, the things you make me feel” He airly chuckles.

You took a hold of his cheeks, kissing his eyes, his nose then his lips “I love you”

“I love you too”

“God, I’m nervous” Oikawa starts, jumping lightly as he holds your hand. You rolled your eyes but a smile plastered on your face. You grin at him and he continues “I’ve been an idiot for a very long time-” He pauses and smiles

“-still am” You snort “-but a tad bit better now that I’m with you” A soft, endeared smile crept onto your lips

“I won’t say that I don’t regret all those years that I could’ve been with you. But we both know that was crucial and all that matters is that now I’m with you” His eyes shone and his lips creased into a smile that reached his ears

“I promise to never leave you,” he pushes the ring into your left ring finger “-not even death can do us apart” You hear your family and friends laugh in the background

“I will bother you every step of the way-” you could not help the roll of your eyes “-and love you for the rest of my life”

“Actually, scratch that. I’ll love you even when I die. I’ll love you in my next life. And the one after that, and the one after that. No matter how many times I reborn-” Oikawa takes your hands to his lips, eyes fluttering shut as he pressed his soft lips on your knuckles

“-I vow to find you and love you. Like I’ve always had and always will”

For all of your life, Oikawa Tooru has been a constant even at times you wish he wasn’t. There was a time you loathed him, a time you missed him, a time you forgot him, and a time you realized you will never stop loving him.

And as you stand before your creator, in front of your friends and family, promising to love each other till the end of time. The sound of “I do”s and cheers reverberating around the hall, as he kissed you with a tilt of his head.

You fell in love all over again.

i suck at ending lines ajhbsnckl. i’ma edit this later when i ain’t tired AND hungry

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