#I’m so sick over them

[jenanigans1207]

Cas’s whole speech about how everyone Dean loves and cares about except him will be gone by the time Dean gives in to the Mark of Cain kills me. His whole thing about how he will have to be the one to watch Dean burn the world? It implies two things that I will need 6-8 weeks to recover from.

1. That he will still be at Dean’s side, no matter how many decades or centuries or millennia pass. It’s just such a casual thing, too, the way he says it. He’s so sure, so certain that there is no amount of time or event that could make it so he wouldn’t still be at Dean’s side.

2. He wouldn’t stop Dean from burning the world down. Just like he doesn’t lift a finger to stop Dean when Dean beats him and nearly kills him, he wouldn’t lift a finger then, either. There is literally no way to predict what could transpire between them in all those years and Cas is so goddamn sure that no matter what happens, he would just stand there and support Dean, no matter how misguided Dean is being.

And an honorable mention to how casually he states his knowledge of the fact that he’s important to Dean. Like he’s questioned it so many times but here he knows he’s one of the people Dean loves and cares about.

I’m so sick over this. I hate them so much this ruins my life. I need like 6 months of staring at the ceiling to even begin to cope with this. Forget touching grass, I need to gnaw on some glass or something.

[puppyboywinger]

IN 2024?!(! (reference under the cut)

[little-pondhead]

The Curse Of Hope

_

Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.

The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.

“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”

That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.

Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.

“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.

The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.

“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”

Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.

The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”

Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.

-Or-

Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.

Luckily, Danny can provide that help.

But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.

[kikker-oma]

[pjo-hoo-toa-freakazoid]

A lil rant about my experience with this god forsaken fandom

I made this blog around 2020 when I was 13 years old. This was my first shot at a dedicated fandom blog and I was pretty excited for it, to make friends, draw fanart, post fun stuff and what not.

All fun right? Right, so tell me why was it that literal 20 years olds felt the need to harass me, a then 13 year old girl with a relatively small blog, for the dumbest reasons possible?

What did I do that subjected me to 2 and a half years worth constant daily threats and harassment? Hmm???

You wanna know my crime? Apparently I showed interest in an antagonist character, which is so awful that grown adults felt the need to bully me. And following those adults came young impressionable people my age, that joined the bandwagon of hate against me.

As if other fandoms don’t have people literally dedicating themselves to a villain, no one bats an eye to that. Why did this fandom have such an issue? I also apparently dared to criticise the main character for a few of his flaws. Such a horrible thing to do right? I need to be burnt at the stake for it right?

I didn’t follow the “fixed” standards of the fandom so I was to be sent de*th/r*pe threats daily?? For not following the “rules” I was to be ostracised?

No please someone explain…I’m but a dumb bitch, I don’t understand what I did so terribly wrong to deserve this? Did I start a war? Did I rip open someone’s plush? Did I bully someone for not having the same ideology as me?

No it was but the fandom itself that for some reason found it so fun to bully a 13 year old, send her de*th and r*pe threats all because of not being of pjo fandom standards…let’s go and bombard her with hate!!

Do you realise how fucking stupid…this all sounds? Do you realise how low this is? Was bullying a child so fun? So trendy at the time?

Then came the victim blaming- I laugh everytime I remember people saying I must have done something really bad to get such harassment, that it’s all for attention. What kid wants to get hate everyday of their life for 2 whole fucking years? Tell me?

You know wanna know what I did wrong? Fight back, call the hate anons out for their bigotry. I was vocal about it, that’s what I did wrong right? Stand my ground? People said to ignore it and I did. But I still got bullied daily even if I didn’t respond. What was all this for?

I can imagine people asking why I didn’t simply leave the fandom? Why the fuck should I? I enjoy the stories, I enjoy the characters, they were my escape from real life struggles. It was the bullying I didn’t enjoy. Everyday I’d log on to enjoy posts and a few minutes later when the bigots found out I was active I was sent an anonymous threat.

Many of my oldest friends had to reduce the amount they interacted with me in fear of receiving harassment themselves. The extent of this is bigotry is beyond my understanding.

I did not deserve this much suffering AND ALL FOR WHAT? A STUPID LITTLE REASON THAT HAS BARELY ANY WEIGHT TO IT. Do people even realise the extent of what happened is beyond me. And Idc if I sound selfish, I want a fucking apology from all those bigots. I want compensation for the 2 and a half years of abuse I endured alone. I just want this bigotry to end, which surprise surprise! Still continues to happen.

Why do I bring this up now that it’s all over you ask? I’ve actually brought it up once before, but it was swept under the rug, (My deepest appreciation to the very few people who supported me when I first talked about it) I’m just finally being more vocal, because this has stuck with me. For all those 4 years this has stuck with me. It doesn’t mean if it’s over for now that all the trauma doesn’t linger. It still affects me to this day.

In fact I’m still being stalked by one of the people who sent me hate anons. One of the hate anons was revealed to be one of my bestest friends, they had admitted this to me and had the nerve to beg me to still remain friends. They were also the person who groomed me. They have left the fandom scene and I’ve rid of them from my life but they still continue to stalk me.

What do I get from ranting about all this? A bit of solace, a bit of weight off my shoulders. But nearly not enough for me to actually fucking heal. I also want people to realise how bigoted some are and how horrible the mentality of “fixed fandom standards/ideologies” is and that we as a fandom need to fucking change. Heck I know this issues in every fandom. But can we at least start with ours for a change for once?

Along side all of this there’s also a lot of racism and trans/homophobia that still actively prevails. Just look at what Leah went through when her casting was announced. Did she deserve all of that?? “Not my annabeth” do you realise how horrible that is to say to a CHILD? She is Annabeth whether you like it or not. And you are very welcome to leave if you wish to stick to your stupid racist nonsense.

I bet there are many others who have probably suffered the same may it not be for the same reasons, but everyone of them deserve their apologies and compensation as well.

Idc if I’ll get hate for this. I said what I said. I’m just so done.

[warmsol]

i'm gonna puke (affectionate)

[boynextdoorcoverpoison]

myung jaehyun is absolutely, hands down, the best leader for boynextdoor.

I always stand by the leader of groups being the best leaders for their groups, but it’s definitely a role that they have to grow into and improve constantly on. just like any other position in the group. just like any other thing you do.

that said, until the fanmeeting, I didn’t quite have the words to truly express why I feel so strongly about jaehyun’s role as the boynextdoor leader—especially as I think to a lot of non-onedoor, it can seem a bit confusing or not apparent at first. which mostly comes from jaehyun sitting outside the norm for a leader (particularly in hybe bgs) at least in personality.

jaehyun is loud. that’s like… something well known about him. he’s talkative and playful and despite being shy, he’s definitely the kind of person to enter the room knowing no one and leave with at least 5 new friends. his approach to people is one that feels very open and bright.

for this reason, I do think many people might not first associate him with the leader role. with most groups, the most energetic member is probably not the first considered as “oh yeah that’s the leader”. jaehyun is all the playful and energy-filled that usually comes with the member who the leader needs to keep an eye on the most and eventually has a bunch of youtube compilation videos.

that said, these qualities are exactly why I think he makes such a great leader for boynextdoor. as mentioned in the fanmeeting day 2 ending ments, the members of bonedo are the type of people to put up a straight face and keep their struggles to themselves. as woonhak and they have expressed, an example being woonhak putting on a smile and performing, despite dealing with grief. they’re very much the people to not make their problems someone else’s and to maintain a collected image in front of others.

while I also think jaehyun does this, as most people who are leaders may tend to for the sake of their groups, he’s also very very very unapologetically himself. he feels so much. his tendency to cry being a prime example of that, though not the only. the point is that jaehyun is expressive and open and in this, jaehyun contrasts with his members.

as woonhak has stated before, jaehyun has expressed that it’s okay for him to cry, to need to take a break, to sit this one out. jaehyun in general approaches his members with a lot of care. but overall, the stand out is that I believe jaehyun navigates along the lines of… feelings are meant to be felt. he has no qualms with any emotion being felt the way it occurs to us. yes there are ways to handle them, but ultimately, the feeling—whatever it may be—is there to be felt and expressed.

this is also seen in how he interacts with his members. in his very tactile approach to express the love and care he has for the rest of bonedo. the pride he feels for them. whatever words I’m not able to formulate to describe the whole yeppi exchange between him and sungho in the 3rd comeback show special.

it’s also in his loudness and energy. it’s all about expression. he’s so much, but it only feels that way, in my opinion, because he’s overwhelmingly unafraid and unapologetic of being himself, in a way that the industry might otherwise discourage. he’s not against expressing how he feels and while it likely won’t be the most apparent until later in their careers, I do think he’s the type to speak his mind.

all that said, the point is that these qualities do exist in contrast to his members and thus… encourage them to do the same. maybe not to be speeding around all over the place, but rather to allow themselves the space and time to feel as they do. that they don’t have to keep it all inside to avoid making it other peoples problems. they’re a team, if nothing else. and it’s in jaehyun being so so so much himself, being exactly the person he is, not something specially crafted to fit a particular image, he encourages the other members to be the same.

jaehyun helps to curate a safe space within their group by exhibiting that there’s nothing wrong with being the person they are. to feel whatever they feel. to express when things are going good or bad or somewhere in between. to approach things as they come and take them in stride, even if it’s without prior planning. that if a leader is meant to push a group forward and help them grow, then jaehyun steps up to the plate in that art cannot be made without emotion and so to become better artists, to continue being artists, it’s so important to find the safe spaces of being able to express and feel everything as they should be felt.

this is why I think jaehyun has some of the strongest lyricism currently in the group. it’s why I think he was a powerful force coming into KOZ and bonedo, and sort of the missing piece. he feels so much and he allows himself to feel all of it. in turn, as the leader, it’s something he encourages in the members. it’s leading by example. jaehyun builds a safe space for them to express, by being open himself.

but beyond that, jaehyun being unapologetically himself becomes an unstoppable sort of barrier between the group and outside the group. while not as apparent now, I do think it’ll grow into him being a strong adovcate for each of the members and the group as a whole. the group matters to him. his members matter to him. jaehyun’s never going to act as if they don’t, so long as they do. as such, he’ll put them first. he’ll encourage them and their best interest. he provides space and works to create and maintain that space for them to express themselves and be themselves. it’s what makes jaehyun the best leader for bonedo now, and it’s what will allow him to continue to do so.

[jiraisupportgroup]

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

Sometimes life is harder than usual. Sometimes triggers hit you harder than you think they “should”, sometimes your emotions take control, sometimes thoughts of relapsing are stronger than others, some days are just too much.

♡ and that’s okay!! ♡

Having bad days doesn’t mean all of your progress is gone, it doesn’t mean all your work is for nothing, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be “like this” forever.

[pixelatedraindrops]

Say “Ahh” 🥣 💊

Self care for your sick clone ~😷🌡️

Further rambling below

So I can draw again (kind of??) Thing is the new stylus works but since my current hp spectre laptop is a lot bigger than my last one, it’ll take me some time to fully warm up to it. (it also overheats if I use it too long… >.>)

Also embarrassing realization on my part, but the sensitivity of my stylus could be fixed in clip studio itself. The reason it was drawing lines so thick is because I didn’t set the touch setting to pc tablet. That fixed everything and now I can draw with the same lines as I did before. Don’t judge me I was drawing on that old spectre tablet for years (i got it way back in 2017) and I forgot how I set it up before...😅

So yay, I’m back art-wise. But it’ll take me some time to fully warm up to the change. So I went over one of my marker pen sketches as a practice piece and turned it into a little 4 parter. You know I love it when sickies get fed by their caretakers c: I already drew makoto feeding yuma before, so now it's his turn!🥣

This isn’t my best work, not by a long-shot this is mediocre at best. But it did make my sketch look better so it’s a win I guess. (side views are still the bane of my existence >_>)

I’ll still draw but it may be slower than usual. I have college courses to focus on and some other things too (I miss my freedom ;-;)

Anyway, hope you enjoy this soft little moment between these two :3 Makoto loves being pampered by Yuma, even if he doesn’t admit it.

[ivanttakethis]

Till has to have known Ivan had a crush on him right. He's not that oblivious. He didn't think Ivan was trying just to bro it out with him like bros do right. He didn't think they were just pals palling around. He didn't think that his very much straight friend Ivan was just asking for a kissy right.

I feel like this Alien Stage Friday post is going to come back to haunt us later

THIS ALIEN STAGE FRIDAY IS GONNA HAUNT ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!1!!

Source

Honestly, I don’t know WHAT is rattling around in Till’s skull.

He may not know that Ivan likes him in the same way that he likes Mizi, but I hope he doesn’t think this is average bro behavior 💀

Kissing your guy friends isn’t just “guys being dudes” Till! That’s guys being gay!! (Or bisexual, at the very least)

And also, what the FUCK Ivan?!?

You think the guy who considered KISSING YOU as a BIRTHDAY PRESENT doesn’t care about you AT ALL????? 🤨

Till wasn’t in Anakt Garden chatting it up with fucking Acorn like “Yeah bro when’s your birthday? I’ll kiss you on the mouth as a gift, no tongue tho.” IT’S JUST YOU.

If any other guy even thought about asking Till to kiss them, he would probably punch their lights out. Actually, I’m surprised he didn’t punch YOUR lights out!!

But the fact that he didn’t means SOMETHING!!!

You think Till wouldn’t be TRAUMATIZED over you SACRIFICING YOURSELF FOR HIM after KISSING HIM LIKE YOU ASKED FOR YEARS AGO?????????? LIKE HE’S NOT GONNA REMEMBER THAT SHIT?????????

[lgbtiwtv]

armand just has suchhh a mentality of "if you would just let me help you everything would be ok…why won’t you let me help you!?” and its because like. nobody ever helped him. nobody ever saved him. and he clearly resents that fact and of course he would. but it also means that he holds his distorted idea of “help” to such a high regard in his head, ie "if somebody had just helped me and taken control when i couldnt it wouldve been ok" so in a way hes become a force of pure will and pure help and servitude through control in hopes that he can be the thing for others that he always wanted. someone powerful enough and "loving" enough to save him. but it isnt true that it wouldve fixed everything. you cant just will and wish away everyones problems. sometimes suffering happens despite everything. sometimes all you can do is stand by and try to offer support. but that just isnt how his brain works. the pain and terror that feeling out of control brings him is like all consuming. it triggers him badly and you can see that its all just a grasp to feel in control and safe and keep his loved ones safe but its just such a flawed and trauma-informed approach that the more he tries and the harder he holds the farther away louis gets from him and the more doomed their relationship becomes

[saayatsumu]

one like = one boost to hiyori’s ass

[luminousstardust]

me, after the “you are my tether” conversation: yeah, there’s literally no straight explanation, they are straight up in love with each other.

marisha: *confirms this conversation is when laudna realized she had feelings for imogen*

me:

[doggolol]

(tbhk chapter 118/120 spoilers)

OKAY.

OKAYYYYY ???????

THAT’S ENOUGH AIDAIRO 😭😭

[twinstxrs]

“kristen applebees religion struggle overdone at this point” TO YOU! i personally am thinking about how helio, yes?, & cassandra relate to where kristen is at mentally in her journey of learning to live for herself & not for god and how helio is representative of kristen’s family, yes? is representative of tracker, & cassandra is representative of kristen herself, which is why kristen is shunning her.

[dreamyintersexouppy]

“all these INSUFFERABLE TRANNIES words are so poorly defined, i, the clever nonbinary intersex person, know so much better and i say the words are defined like this and that definition is bad” hey i wanna bash my head against a wall, our language accounts for nonbinary people, you just ignored that fact. our language includes intersex people, you are ignorant to how it does. you are confused about wether or not you’re tma or tme? here’s two simple questions, did society assign you male, either at birth or later in life? and are you not in fact male and perhaps closer to being a woman or even nonbinary? if you answered no to either congratulations you’re fucking tme, it’s literally so fucking simple. and your “exempt” status only means “transmisogyny never hurts me ever” if you willfully ignore our words. the exempt is meaning you are exempt as a TARGET of transmisogyny, not it’s effects. as an intersection of systems of oppressions it will hurt people, fucking duh, but we know the target and it’s not ill defined, attempting to claim as such is attempting to redefine transfeminine people out of existence and i have to patience for you