#I’m reminded these are real people reading my ramblings!

[lavendermin]

omg thank you!! :3 would you like me to tag you in it when its posted? btw I love ur writing sm u and a few others were a big inspiration to me starting my own writing blog (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

Anon you have me blushing aaaghhh ^^💗 I’m honored to have been an inspiration and would love to be tagged when it’s done! I’ll love whatever you put out mwah mwah 💗💗💗

[philsmeatylegss]

As a cis lesbian, it is beyond frustrating that most terfs are cis lesbians. I hate that many terfs use my sexuality and gender as an excuse for their hate. I hate that lesbian terfs have experienced what it’s like to be ostracized for not being attracted to men and then do the same thing to a group of people who don’t want to be men. We are allies. Trans women and lesbians are groups of people who don’t want men to be a part of who they are. Terfs diminish women to biology and bodily functions. Women are so much more than that. Being attracted to women as a woman is a beautiful thing. And I hate that hate is being brought into that experience.

As a cis lesbian, I want to apologize, especially to all my trans friends, that a large amount of hate comes from people like me. It’s beyond hypocritical and they are against what lesbianism is truly about. Trans people are always welcomed and accepted here and terfs will not be tolerated. Holding so much hate for others who are different is such a sad thing to do and I don’t want to be anywhere near that. Just a reminder that this blog is safe for all trans people and not safe for terfs.

[seeingivy]

ribbons release

actor eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: happiness for once. until it is not. ronnie's love for foreshadowing strikes again.

an: not a fan of this chapter, but we digress. read it and do not kill me if you don't like it.

song: not explicitly mentioned, but this chapter reminds me of about you by the 1975. ratty healy, I hate you but you ate on this one thing.

previous part linked here

--

“I ju-just sent my loc-location, Eren.” 

“I got it, Y/N. I just need you to hold on for ten more minutes, okay? Can you do that for me?” 

“Y-yes.” 

Seattle is famous for rain. You understand that all too well now. After what you’ve counted as twenty-seven minutes - from when you went to take the trash out to the mailpost you’re hiding behind now - you’re all but soaked. Drenched. 

Your phone is blowing up with texts, the rain is only getting harder, and the mini black dress and ribbon in your hair do no favors to keep you warm. You slide out of your call with Eren and quickly scan through the messages, buzzing so loud they’re blocking Eren’s voice. 

reiner: so, so proud of you always!!! stop being a big famous pop star and go back to being the little twerp who needs my help killing spiders on set :/ 

levi: I love you too, kid. And on a real listen, we really do love the album. 

armin: ann and i are smelling a triple threat on the horizon. love you to the moon and saturn <3

connie: i was accidentally pooping while i listened to dorothea for the first time and i think the combination of those two things at once gave me like a really visceral reaction. im not ok. u are amazing. 

mikasa: u are givg me aneurysm. pls don’t forgor to call me the scnd ur okay. 

erwin: Call me ASAP. 

erwin: Not urgent. Just feeling emotional about my little Canadian reaching hearts all over the world. 

king of bitches (maybe: ryomen sukuna): Fluff shit indeed. Blow me a kiss when you beat James for Album of the Year. 

danny: where is the album release post? it’s almost been half an hour. 

You have bigger problems at the moment. Like the frozen piece of fabric you’re wearing. You should have named the album sweaters or scarves or something. Then at least you’d be warm. And blend in with the paparazzi. 

Fuck.

“W-wait, Eren. Y-you ca-n’t b-be the one to get me.” you murmur, shivering through your teeth.

“Do you want to stay with someone else? I know nice people here. My neighbor is in her late forties and has like two middle school aged girls that are really nice. They’d take care of you, I promise you can trust them and-” he rambles. 

“N-no. I want to st-stay with you. But pa-papara-zzi. S-send ss-omeone e-else.” 

“Paparazzi? Why are-?” 

“Er-eren.” 

“Would it be that bad if it was me? Like it has to be someone else, Y/N?” 

“Y-yes.” 

“I have someone in mind. She’s leaving right now, okay?” 

Eren’s sound is muffled over the line now, which has you digging your phone into your ear to catch the ends of what he’s saying. 

Blast the heater….butt warmer on before she’s in the car….bring it up and I will kick your freeloading….

“Y/N?” 

“H-here.” 

“Good. I’m sending her. Don't get upset, this is the best I could do, okay? I-I promise she’s actually nice. You can trust her and-and I’d never send someone who would do something bad.”  

“O-okay. I t-trust you. J-just get me ou-out of th-this, please.” you whimper, praying to god the rustling behind you is a rabbit and not the group of them finding you. 

“I’m trying sweetheart, okay? She’s speeding. She’s on Main and Third, three lights and she’s there.” 

That’s when you see it. The flash of the camera. And hear five consecutive clicks right after. You look around the periphery, before you see two of them, two tall guys speed walking closer to where you’re hiding. 

So you do the only thing you can. Stand up and run instead. 

You scramble up off the pavement, hiking your dress down, and keep running down the block. Climb up the gates, knock over trash cans to block the way, anything to stop them. And when you look back, after who knows how long, you realize they’re gone. 

And sit flat on the messy pavement, finally lifting the phone back up. Only to realize Eren’s no longer on the line because your phone is dead. You drop it straight into your lap and dig your hands into your head, covering your ears to stop the pounding sound of the rain from getting any louder. 

God. Just breathe. Whoever is coming to get you is on the way. They’ll come get you and then you’ll be out of this mess. 

You hear three resounding clicks and a flash of a light to look up at two different paps, two girls this time, getting a straight on picture of you. And all you can do is put your head down in your lap and cry. 

They already got the picture. There’s no point in trying to run out of it anymore. 

“Y/N.” 

“Pl-please. I’m b-begging you. You already got your picture and can ss-spin it into whatever you want. I-I’m still a person, please. Just let me go.” you respond, the tears blinding your sight of vision. 

You feel a towel being wrapped around your shoulders and soft hands lifting you up by your arms. And then all of a sudden you’re in a warm car, being sped out of the neighborhood past the groups of paparazzi in between the houses, and not directly across from them having your picture taken. 

You’re in a car. You’re okay. You’re leaving. You’re okay. 

You lean back and breathe hard, phantom sobs still racking out of your chest, trying to register that you’re almost there. Safe behind closed, triple locked doors. 

“D-did you tell Eren?” 

“Yes. He’s not far, we’ll be there soon, okay?” 

“Okay. T-thank you. I’m Y/N.” 

“Lana.” 

You turn your head to actually take in the driver this time, to be met with the Lana you feared. Ricky’s ex-girlfriend, Lana. She has short brown hair - entirely different from her long, beachy waves from the Girlfriend incident - a pointed nose and a very clenched jaw. 

“Th-there are more blankets on the floor. I pumped the heater pretty hard, but I’ll turn all the fans your way. And anything you could possibly need is being rushed to the house for you, so just don’t worry, okay?” 

“I appreciate it. Thank you for coming to get me. I-I” 

“Please don’t thank me. I just-” 

She takes a harsh intake of breath and turns to give you a look, her mouth upturned. 

“He locked you out, didn’t he?” she whispers. 

“Yeah.” you respond. 

“What did you do?”

“I told him I didn’t like him back.” 

She turns her head towards you, a look of confusion on her face. 

“It was a PR thing.” 

She snorts. 

“Your managers must hate you.” 

“I’m starting to think they just might.” 

“Well. Don’t feel bad. Not for a fucking second. Just because he likes you, doesn’t mean he’s entitled to you reciprocating back. You like who you like. And if I were you, I wouldn’t stop liking a guy like Eren for a skeeze like Ricky either.” 

You lean against the glass, hot air blowing in your face, as you take in her expression - so enraged, so exasperated, so furious that it gives you a chill. But when she looks over and gives you a halfhearted smile, you see the pained expression there too. 

That’s when you pinpoint it. Lana reminds you of Historia. 

“I’m sorry.” you respond. 

“For?” 

“You knew he locked me out. He must have done it to you too, no?” you whisper, the tension in the air delicate. 

She swallows hard and clenches her knuckles on the steering wheel, eyes laser focused on the red light shining on her face. And beyond the original striking features - her sharp jaw and nose - you see the softness too. The dimples, the wrinkles near her eyes, the light brown freckles. 

“I wanted to take time off from acting. It-I did a role that was really traumatic and I just needed a break. And he was just about to go on tour and he wanted me to come to support. Like a little cheerleader.” 

“So he locked you out?” 

“For two days. He-he’s just. A lot of the fame stuff got to him when he was really little. And now he’s got this convoluted sense of self-image and it just- I don’t know. He’s got problems.” she responds. 

“I’m sorry. Really, that’s-” 

You stop talking, words failing you. And maybe it’s the way your head was frozen ten minutes ago and it’s being melted now, or that the picture they took is going to leak soon, or that there is no good thing to say to something shitty like this. It only took him three months to turn on you, which you’re guessing is generous now. She must have infinite patience for putting up with it for an entire year. 

“In a weird way, I’m glad it’s me and not Eren. You- this does something for me. Making sure you’re not out there for two days, it-it helps me.” she whispers, looking over to give you a smile. 

“I really appreciate you, Lana. Thank you. And I-I’m not mad at you for the Girlfriend thing. You had every right to do that.” 

“Y/N. I have every right to drag Ricky James’ name through the mud. But not yours. And I- shit. Please don’t tell Eren we talked about this. He’s going to kill me.” 

“Why?” 

“He told me that if I brought it up, he’d kick me out of his house. I kind of stay there because I-I hate living in our townhouse on set because of how toxic it is and he was nice enough to offer. And he made it very clear that I have to pick you and make sure you’re okay, not make you uncomfortable or anything. We’re here to take care of you and-” 

“I brought it up. I’ll deal with him if he gives you a hard time. I used to be really good at that type of thing.” 

“I know for a fact that you could tell him to twirl in the air like a show pony and he’d do it.”

“I’ll test the theory and let you know.” 

She laughs, giving you a smile which you warmly return. Your phone buzzes in your lap, finally revived, and you send a quick message to Mikasa and Jean before shutting it off. 

“I-I didn’t know that it was going to go that far. I knew the song and that we were just going to sing it. Let people speculate it was about you. I-I didn’t know they’d have a girl who looked like you OR bring Eren up on stage. And Eren didn’t know anything about the song or the performance at all - they, they set him up.” 

“Why would they do that? I mean, they got horrible backlash in the entire thing.” 

“They thought people would like it. And they severely underestimated how much people love you. And they did it because, Eren- he. He doesn’t follow rules and-” 

“Follow rules?” 

“I’m saying too much. He-he’s going to get mad. Ju-just rest, okay? You’re okay now, we’re two minutes from the neighborhood..”  

You give her a questioning look, which she returns with a dismissive shake. Stubborn - she’s Historia alright. You lean back in the chair and reach for the music nob, twisting it on. Only to be met with the Teletubbies Theme blasting through the car and a very flustered Lana turning the knob off. 

“Fuck.” 

“Teletubbies?”

“I-I can explain.” 

“Please. I’d love to hear it.” 

She drums her fingers on the steering wheel as the silence hangs in the air. 

“Okay. Maybe I can’t explain.” 

“No need. I appreciate versatile music taste in prospective friends. Especially classics like this.” you respond, cranking the music back on. 

“Friends?” 

“Don’t be silly. Not exaggerating, but I think you quite literally saved my life a few minutes ago. You’re like the La-La to my Dipsy.” 

“Lame. You’re more of a Tinky-Winky. And anytime. We girls stick together, right?” she responds, reaching for your hand and giving it a squeeze. Like Eren. 

Did she learn the hand squeezes from Eren? Is he squeezing her hands? They live together so …are they dating? 

“We’re here.” 

You nod, appreciative of Lana more than maybe any person on god's green Earth, as she pulls into the driveway and helps you out of the car. It’s only after sitting that you’re realizing your legs are so bone dead tired that you’re barely moving on your own. 

You move past the hood of the car as Eren walks into the garage, immediately beelining towards you. His hair is long again - it’s always changing every time you see him - and he’s all wound up with tensions sitting in his shoulders. His hands are warm and cupping your face, yanking the cold towel off and replacing it with a warm one. 

“Hey. You-you nicked your face, Y/N. And you’re freezing, you-” he whispers, brushing his fingers across the skin near your eye that stings on touch. 

Lana holds the door open as he leads you in, arms aggressively moving up and down your shoulders and his face all pinched up in concern. 

“You’re good to go? I put your stuff out by the door.” Eren says, gesturing to Lana. 

“Is she leaving?” you ask, looking up at Eren. 

“Yeah. Don’t worry, it’ll be just us. And I’m sure Mika and Jean will drop everything to fly out for you tomorrow, I can tell them if you need me to and-” 

“Well, don’t make her leave. She shouldn’t stay on that stupid set just because of me.” you respond. 

Eren looks over and glares at Lana, who is now wide eyed and giving Eren a sheepish smile. Fuck. He asked her not to talk about that. 

“Lana.” he says, in a warning tone. 

“Eren. Chill out. I didn’t even-” 

“You’re so full of yourself, you know that? You- she got drenched and the rain and you were talking about set?”

“It’s not like that! It just came up and-” 

“Oh, for sure. You just happened upon it like you were a villager walking in a town square. Ooh Y/N. You just got drenched in the rain and chased by paparazzi, but more importantly, the girls I work with are super bitchy.” he responds, mimicking her voice. 

“You-it wasn’t like that! You’re so aggravat-” 

“Eren. Leave her alone.” you ask, looking up at him. And you’re sure you must look horrible because he immediately stops when he looks at your face again and signals for her to leave, which she’s receptive to. 

“Okay. Lana, text me when you’re there. And check if you were followed on your way out.” Eren says. 

Lana stops and holds both of your arms at your biceps, hands soft on your skin. 

“Do call me if you need anything, okay? Especially Ricky related. Whatever you do, I’ll back you up, Tinky-Winky. ” 

“Thank you, La-La. I’ll take you up on that.” you respond, giving her a warm smile. 

“Oh god. No. No, you don’t get to be friends now. Fuck no, Lana. Please stick to the geriatric grandmas you play Scrabble with.” 

“You’re just mad they beat you at mahjong last week. Because you’re a prissy loser.” 

“And you’re-” 

You jab Eren in the side, signaling him to stop, as they both nod and she slides her way out. From the way he’s arguing, the look on his face is so similar to the one he gives Connie when they argue, you know they could go on for years if they got the chance. 

“Fuck you, Eren.” 

“Eat shit, Lana.” 

She flips him off as the door clicks shut behind her, the lack of her presence making you suddenly aware of your breaths. And of Eren, warm Eren rubbing into your shoulders and concerned green eyes staring into yours. 

“I like her.” you whisper. 

“Me too. Don’t tell her that though, she’s got an ego problem.” he responds.  

You laugh, which has him smiling at you, and suddenly you’re sobbing. And on cue, Eren has his arms around you, his touch warm and his voice oh so soft that it kills you. That you haven’t seen him in two months. And haven’t talked to him for longer. 

“Eren.” 

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry, it-it’ll be okay. I- we’ll fix this, okay? I’ll call Levi and Hange, whoever you want, they’ll all come and-” 

You reach up, tangling your arms around his neck as he keeps nervously talking, trying to hold you closer even though it’s not physically possible. And he’s just so- 

So familiar that he feels like home. 

“You’re breaking my heart here, Y/N. Please stop crying, I-I’ve got you, okay?” he murmurs, straight into your skin as you nod, trying your best to even out the sobs still leaving you. And slowly but surely, the stream slows and your breath evens out enough to get at least a few words out. 

“Okay. Okay, okay. I’m okay.” 

“Y/N?” 

“Hm?” 

“As much as I like holding you, you’re freezing. Take a shower first and we can do this all you want, okay?” 

You pull back, wiping the tears off your cheeks and giving him a nod. He gives you a small smile, before placing his hands on your shoulders and leading you down towards the bathroom. And you don’t miss all the posters and pictures he has on his walls - one from each season of Attack of Titan, a few of him and Armin, and even one of him and Lana flipping off the camera together. 

He pushes you into the bathroom and immediately turns on the shower all the way to the hottest setting, before turning around and putting his hands on his hips. 

“Towels, clothes, shampoo. There’s soap in there already and take as long as you want. Sit in here for three days if you have to just- do-do whatever you have to do and-” 

You pick up the bottle of shampoo, the lavender scented Pantene, the one that you’ve been using since you were fifteen. And you know, you know that Eren’s atrocious ass uses a three in one hair and conditioner so it’s not his. 

“Eren.” 

“Hm?” 

“Did you just happen to have the brand of shampoo that I use?” 

“N-no. Those are Lana’s.” 

“Then why are they unopened?” you ask, giving him a smirk. 

He glares at you, before rolling his eyes and holding your face. And now he’s leaning so close, so close that your lips are only a few feet away from yours, when he talks. 

“You know why you can’t make fun of me for keeping a spare of your shampoos in my house?” he whispers, green eyes burning in yours. 

“Why?” you whisper back, stomach lurching. 

“Because you’re actually here. I knew you’d come back to me.” he responds, giving your cheek a pinch before walking out. 

And when you watch him walk out, giving you one last smile before he shuts the door, you can’t help but roll your eyes. Typical Eren. Funny, irritating, and soft all in one. 

He’s the same as you left him. 

--

You pad out of the shower, Eren’s hoodie and sweatpants ridiculously huge on you, as you follow the sweet smell into the kitchen. Eren is leaned over the counter, sliding vegetables into two bowls of ramen as you walk in. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi. Took a while. Thought you died in there.” Eren responds, pressing his hands to your skin to test how warm they were. 

“I almost wish I did.” you respond, laughing. 

Except Eren doesn’t find it funny and instead he’s dropping the utensils and standing at your side. 

“Y/N.” 

“I was joking!” 

“Nothing about that was funny. Don’t ever joke about that.” he responds, rummaging through the drawers at your side before pulling out a little tube of gel. 

Eren taps the top of the counter, which you jump onto, before he takes his place in between your legs. His hands are focused on reading the instructions, forehead all scrunched up in concentration.

“What’s that?” 

“It’s like this…scar ointment or whatever. Helps things heal better, I want to use it on that cut on your pretty face.” he responds, twisting it open and squirting some on his finger. 

He brings his hands to your face, eyes intently focused on your cheek. You hiss the second his finger makes contact with your skin, the tingling sensation catching you off guard. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I know it hurts.” he whispers, smothering the cold gel down the side of your eye. 

“I-I fell on the pavement. My knees are pretty bad too, Eren.” you whisper, which he nods at. 

After he finishes, he’s carefully sliding the ends of your pants off and carefully placing the ointment on each of the jagged marks on your legs. And you eye the bowls of ramen at your side - knowing instantly that the one without mushrooms is yours - and reach for the food. The broth is so warm it soothes the aching feeling in your throat, still seasoned to perfection the way Eren always makes it. 

“Eren.” 

“Hm?” 

“Can I ask you a weird question?” 

“Sure.” 

“Are you and Lana dating?” 

He looks up from your leg and gives you a devilish smirk. And then starts laughing. Like full on, crouched over, tears from his eyes laughing.  

“Okay. It wasn’t that funny.” you murmur, rubbing your hands against the warm bowl and frowning. 

“Oh god, Y/N. Jesus-” 

“It’s a normal question! She lives with you, you trusted her to come get me, and you guys have a picture together in the hallway.” 

“Are you jealous?” he asks, standing up and leaning straight into your space. 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Are too.” 

“Am not.” 

“You don’t need to get all embarrassed. Watching you kiss Ricky James made me want to break something, preferably his neck.” 

You swallow hard at the mention of Ricky again, the thought of him and what happened was so far away because you were with Eren. In his space, in your shared bubble, after so long. And he catches on too fast because he’s already profusely apologizing. 

“Hey. I didn’t mean to bring him up, I-I’m not trying to push you into telling me what happened it’s just-” 

“No. No, Eren. It’s okay. I know. I-” 

You breathe in hard and put the bowl of ramen down and reach for his hands instead. You keep your eyes focused on them - on the little mole on his left hand, the feeling of his knuckles underneath your fingers, and on him squeezing your hands three times before you start talking.  

“Ricky and I were faking the relationship for PR. Since London Boy and all that, it was Danny and Sareen’s idea. That-that’s why I stopped talking to you, I-I felt bad. And I was ashamed that I was even doing it, I-I don’t know. The Little Women press and all that, it would just get people to stream and talk. Make me a triple threat. And then today, I- He told me he liked me. And I said I couldn’t do that right now. That I don’t like him back. I went to take out the trash because it was so awkward and then I was going to go home but he- he locked me out. And when I asked to come back in, he repeated the same words to me. That he couldn’t do that right now.” 

Eren lifts your hands, still locked with his, and presses a kiss to the top of your knuckles, as you continue. His lips burn your skin, still. 

“I was out there and it-it was cold. And then I heard the cars and I saw seven paparazzi trucks, right on the porch. Ricky, his address isn’t leaked. No-no one knew I was there or that he was but they all showed up, right when I was out there and-” 

“He called them, didn’t he?” Eren asks, his tone so harsh, so unyielding that it almost doesn’t sound like him. 

“Yeah. And I ran, for so long. I- they got a picture. A few, I know they did and I was just so, so scared that I was going to be out there forever, that I was all alone and they were just going to-” 

Eren reaches forward, wrapping you in his arms for what feels like the fiftieth time tonight, but you welcome it. Focus on his heart beating under your ear, running your fingers over his fish tattoo on his bicep, and on his soft, steady breaths. 

“Eren.” 

“Hm.” 

“You didn’t say anything. What are you thinking about?” 

“What I’m thinking isn’t productive for you to know right now.” 

You look up at him, giving him a questioning look. 

“Drop it, Y/N.” 

“No. Tell me. I’m sure you’re mad and all but-” 

“Mad? I’m fucking furious, I’m livid. That he fucking locked you out and left you in the cold. You-you could have been seriously hurt. You are hurt. And not only that, the fucking paparazzi. You-you ran in the cold, you fell, you can’t stop crying and-and- I’m going to kill this asshole when I see him next because it’s his fault you’re feeling like this.” 

“Eren.” 

“No. Shut up, Y/N. I’m being serious. I-I don’t like seeing you like this and don’t tell me not to. He hurt you. It’s that simple.” 

You deflate, knowing Eren too well to know that he won’t drop this. Especially when he’s overly passionate, deep in the feeling right now. 

“Okay. But can you just be here for me right now? I need you here and not all….tense and mad. B-Be soft. And warm.” 

He stops, the frustration in his forehead dissolving as he takes a breath and smiles at you. Not fully, but it does the job. 

“Okay. I can do that. Let’s watch Fruits Basket. And then go to bed.” 

“You hate Fruits Basket.” 

“But I love you. Enough to watch your weird bestiality adjacent show and pretend to like it.” 

You smile and he reaches forward to pinch your cheeks. 

“Look at that smile. There she is. There’s my sweet girl.” he whispers, voice all tangled in his throat. 

--

You wake up to an empty bed, Eren’s side cold. And you pull his hoodie on before padding downstairs to find Eren’s phone pressed to his ear. He gives you a wave and points to the plate - a mix of eggs, french toast, and fruits - perfectly placed to perfection. 

You give him a smile and he walks off, taking the phone with him. You frown as you watch him disappear, jabbing your fork through the cantaloupe. 

What is he talking about that’s so important he doesn’t want you to hear? 

You jump off of the stool and quietly pad towards the direction he walked, hiding in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, staring at the picture right across - one of Levi and Hange kissing your cheeks at the vow renewal - and angle yourself to hear his words. 

“Is he okay?” 

“I’m glad. You tell me if you need anything else, okay?” 

“Okay, Coco. I missed you too, yeah?” 

Who the fuck is Coco?

He hangs up and you immediately scramble back to the kitchen, trying your best to stay inconspicuous as he comes back and gives you a smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes, the expression on his face almost tired. 

“Hey sleepyhead. You okay?” 

“Mhm. Food is really good, Eren.” 

He gives you a smile as he sits at your side, eyes focused on you as you eat your food. He places both of your phones in front of you, and you spot yours with nearly a hundred notifications. But when you reach for it, Eren grabs your hand in the air and locks it on his own instead. 

“Just-wait. Eat first.” he says, his tone hollow.

You turn your head to the side and take in Eren’s expression, downtrodden and uncharacteristically unexpressive. The complete opposite of Eren yesterday - moony eyes and soft smiles. 

“Eren.” 

“Y/N. If I ask you to do this for me, can you trust me and listen?” 

“No. You-what’s wrong? You’re being weird.” you ask, reaching for his hand. 

He looks over, the look indiscernible, as he leans forward and presses a kiss to your cheek. 

“You-I took care of most of it, okay? Levi and Hange are coming. Just, don’t panic. You-it’s okay.” 

“Eren. You’re scaring me. Just tell me.” 

He takes a deep breath, cracking the knuckles in your hand as he nervously talks. 

“You-your pictures leaked. The ones of you running last night. And-and people started speculating really fast - wondering why you were running and crying on the night your album released instead of celebrating it. And-and then Ricky, he tweeted a bunch of things.” 

You pale. And reach for your phone, which Eren stops again. 

“They’re lies. Obviously. You don’t need to read them, not yet. And Lana told me she’s ready to back you up, whatever you want, when you need it. But, that’s not-” 

“What, Eren? Just spit it out.” you respond, frantically. 

“They- Ricky’s fans are mad at you. They’re sending you death threats.” 

“Oh.” 

You deflate, staring at the cold mess of breakfast on your plate. Death threats. Hate, you’re no stranger too. Of people commenting on your looks, how bad your singing is, how lame you are. But wishing you were dead? Full on, unbothered and cursing your existence? 

“And not just you, but your family too.” he whispers, watching your face fall. 

Your family. Your parents, Colt, Falco-

“Excuse me. What did you just say? 

Eren doesn’t respond and the tears fall immediately from your eyes, hot and angry as he reaches forward, immediately swiping them away. His expression's pained, he knows this all too well.

“I sent your family a security detail. Don’t worry. Colt was only minorly injured and-” 

You stand up and grab Eren’s shirt, bundling the fabric into a fist in your hands, as you glare at him. 

“Injured? What the fuck do you mean injured, Eren?” 

He sighs, lifting his hands to move yours, and hold them. You’re still clenching hard, so hard you’re sure you’re drawing blood, but he’s doing his best to uncurl your hands as he talks. 

“They threw a brick through the window. And the glass, Colt was sitting right there. I was just on the phone with Falco, he said he’s doing better. The security detailing has medical so you don’t have to worry about that again and they’re both okay and-” 

“No part of this is okay, Eren! Quit saying it’s okay when it’s not! They almost killed my brothers.” 

“Y/N.” 

“No. No, this is horrible, Eren. They-they don’t do any of this stuff. Falco’s barely thirteen. And Colt - he’s going to college. He’s not a celebrity, he’s not a singer, he’s just a student. How is he supposed to go out after this? Why- how is it supposed to be normal? And now, they’re going to be like us. They’re going to feel like they’re trapped in this fucking suffocating ass fish bowl and everyone’s watching and laughing at them and they just-” 

“Y/N. Stop. It’s not going to-” 

“Falco’s too soft for this. He’s just a kid, Eren. I can’t- no. This isn’t fair. Eren, they didn’t even do anything. They’re literally just related to me, they just love me and they’re getting hurt because of it. You- you’re probably getting dragged in the mud too. Everyone who helps me gets subjected to this, loving me comes with this big thing behind me and I can’t even keep people who get it with me. I let you go when you were the only person who understood and I messed it all up and got myself involved with Ricky James of all people and-” 

“Y/N. Stop. Please."

You sit flat on Eren’s floor, head in your hands, and cry, teardrops falling straight onto the floor. And Eren’s sitting there with you, with your big mess of jumbled feelings and mistakes, and trying his best to help you with it. 

That’s how Levi and Hange find you two, after pocketing the spare key Eren told them about. After he insistently called them and payed for a private jet, going on and on about how Y/N needed them. And here you two are, despite their original conceived notions that you two were fighting, on the floor, in each other’s arms. 

“Some things never change, huh?” Hange whispers. 

“Yeah. They keep fucking crying every time we see them.” he whispers back. 

--

Between Levi and Hange - Jean, Mikasa, and Connie who make it out that night - and Eren and Lana, they fix things. Most things. 

Ricky’s narrative about you is clear cut - half-true and half-fake. Your team forced him to date you and defend you for PR purposes, after the Girlfriend incident. There was an agreement that you two would write certain songs, make certain appearances, and support each other. 

But then Ricky turns the gate. Says that you’ve deeply, severely hurt him. That you led him on, that you used him to boost your own ego, and that you were dangerously obsessed with fame and not him. That you were all things - heartless, fake, that he doubted if you were even a real person. A glorious pop-star, empty and hollow on the inside.

And people jump on it fast. Citing the fact that you would throw away your friendship with Historia to be famous, that you stopped dating Eren when he stopped being successful, that you can go to tours but not to Mikasa or Jean’s birthday parties. 

The worst part? Ricky lied, but the things they pointed out were true. Every mistake you make is on display and that people make it a point to draw attention o it. That you really were in too deep, too deep into pleasing Sareen and Danny, and being a triple threat that you forgot that they were all there too. 

Eren, especially. Sweet, sweet Eren who saved you, who held you when you needed him. 

You look over at him and Lana, the two of them very aggressively debating how to use their last turn of their daily Wordle, and feel your heart deflate. 

You dropped the ball. You’ll never make it up to him. 

Lana, in her infinite kindness, has chosen to share her own story, as a corroboration for yours. That Ricky taunted, mocked, and harassed her the entire time they were dating. That you're anything but the things he says. Because she’s had enough and she’ll do it to help out her Tinky-Winky. (Much to Eren’s dismay, he hates that you’re both becoming closer as time goes on.) 

And to complement the announcement, Lana asked for one thing. To go out in style. You wrote a song with her and promised her that she was going to be the lead actress in the music video. A girl rage moment, like The Man. Danny and Sareen approve the move, making no comments or concerns about anything else that happened, and ask to be involved when the time comes. 

You sit on it for a few days. Till you’re ready. But where you are now - with these people - needs to stay for a little longer. Before you brace everything again. 

“Yo.” 

You smile, opening up space for Connie on the couch for you. 

“Hi Con.” 

“Deep in your thoughts there, princess. Thinking about how your album is about to go Multi-Platinum?” 

“No. Just the entire thing.” you respond, frowning. 

Connie rolls his eyes, reaching forward to squish your cheeks way too hard. 

“Ricky, when I catch you, Ricky-” Connie says under his breath, 

You snort, reaching forward to push Connie off. You focus back on Eren and Lana, who are now pulling each other's hair and a nice string of insults, as Mikasa and Levi brew their tea, entirely unbothered in the back. 

And when the screen in front of you flashes, when your third album goes Multi-Platinum after a week of being released, they’re all climbing on you. Jean and Mikasa are hollering in the back, Connie and Lana are jostling you in the air and pressing kisses to your cheek, and Eren, Levi, and Hange smile at you, the three of them enveloped in their own hug, across the way.

You split your separate ways at the end of the week, when you’re ready. Connie, Jean, and Mikasa return to set, Lana and Eren are gone with the wind, and Levi and Hange disappear again. 

When you sit on your plane back home, it sits in. How lonely this entire thing is. How a week full of your friends who love you only happened because of this sickening thing. That it's not a given, that they're presence is only in the bad times and almost never the good.

Your phone buzzes in your lap and you pick up your phone to read the notification. 

eren: don’t be a stranger. fish like to swim in schools, not alone. 

It’s something that rings in your mind, time and time again. When everyone else wins the war, when you keep performing and letting them take and take, for the sake of the work. For the art, for your dream.

And when you give up acting, singing, and dancing at the end of it all and make zero intentions to ever do any of this again, the question still bothers you.

If fish like to swim in schools, why did Eren push you so far away? Why was he so intent on swimming alone? Where you couldn't follow?

eren: I'm not saying that for you. and I know that this is selfish but...

eren: I need you just as much as you need me.

.

.

.

Fucking liar.

--

next part linked here

taglist:

@k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha  @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms

[literatureloverx]

do you use dostoevsky’s real work to analyze his character or is it solely from bsd canon? and if not, how do you feel about people using the actual writers as inspiration for headcanons and stuff? cause i think it’s really cute and creative but sometimes it breaks the immersion and i sit there ashamed—reminded that these were real people. especially when they come up in college. but to be fair, the characterization canonically is so much worse when immersion gets broken. when you think about it, like how osamu dazai, the real person, once attempted double suicide with a woman and he was obviously unsuccessful but the woman was. and that’s one of osamu dazai, the character’s, main gags. this was kind of a ramble and kind of irrelevant to my original question lmao sorry

First of all, thank you so much for bringing this up!!!♥️ I’m truly grateful for this request —I’ve been wanting to write about this for a long time, my dear.♥️

I'm solely using BSD canon events, such as the manga, the anime, interviews, BSD guidebooks, and other canon materials like the BSD letters that were published a couple of months ago.

I don’t associate the real authors with the BSD characters because, first, it’s very disrespectful. Second, while you can definitely understand the motives of the BSD characters better by reading each author's works—since each one has a unique style and philosophy—there’s really nothing to associate.

The BSD characters are interpretations of certain works by those authors, not the authors themselves.

For example, if Fyodor were truly interpreted as Dostoevsky, he would have been a much warmer person with deep vulnerability. Dostoevsky was likely an INFJ (which might help explain it; that’s my type, and... you know how I am), whereas Fyodor from BSD is an INTJ, similar to Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment.

I could write a detailed analysis on this topic, but I currently have many requests and limited time. I’ll make sure to address it once I’ve worked through the current requests. Thank you for your understanding (because I believe that this is what you initially wanted)!♥️

[sixthwater]

Hello! I will be doing some short pick a card's to help see if I'm the reader for you! Today we'll be doing a personality reading with my astrology oracle cards. Let's go!

Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 4)

Decks Used: The Arcana or Astrology, Astrological Oracle Cards, claves astrologicae, astrological dice

Disclaimer | Pinned | Tip Jar | Paid Readings

Pile One

Cards: Pallas Athena, Eighth House, Eleventh House, Fourth House, Cancer, Pluto Rx, Sun, First House, Solar Eclipse, Virgo, Capricorn, Eighth, Saturn

So far I’m not really getting *you*, I feel nothing. Not in a bad way, but everything is about other people. Which is funny because I have a video I haven’t started yet about how a character’s transformation throughout a series is through his relationships, which I think is what you offer to others. It’s not a subconscious thing, it feels as if you actively seek to help people or point out issues within relationships or people so they can fix them. You value bonds and community and you like things to be even. However this isn’t just you so let’s dig a bit deeper.

Ah I was just thinking ‘they probably really need to feel comfortable’ just as Cancer flew out. Mmm you might have fourth house placements not necessarily Cancer ones, but it’s just more about being easily...frazzled? Oh you’re difficult to explain lol. It’s not that you’re easily frazzled because you can confront/spot these issues within others and it’s not simple things like ‘oh well did you talk to them’, it’s usually deep wounds that long conversations unearth. However at the same time you’re very simple and a bit introverted? This introversion is mainly because you feel more comfortable around people you know or in places you’re familiar with, but you also make people around you feel comfortable enough to be that vulnerable. I’m doing it again- did you. Pick Pile 2 from my pac fooreeeveerr ago when I couldn’t even focus on you - for what makes you attractive. A lot of your personality is like a guiding light, which is a bit annoying because that’s not really describing you it’s about your effect on others you know. So what I can get from that is...you might hold a lot of stuff in. With Pluto coming out in reverse, because I always take my oracles upright, it feels like struggling to deal with that energy on your own. However you have all of this glowing energy to welcome others so that they can be loved and comforted even though you can’t do that for yourself.

Solar! Oh, are you one of my cardinal siblings?! I would guess signs but whenever I pull this section they never match hehe, but I did guess maybe a Cancer Rising, however that doesn’t add up — I’m rambling. Understanding why I took Perfectionist, you sometimes present yourself as someone who needs to always seem okay. I don’t think it’s physically? It’s more like that Virgo cringe of being wrong or making mistakes or like. Existing, let’s be real lmao. However you are very open to new phases in your thinking or view of the world — which does remind me of when people do room makeovers. Changing their aesthetic for something else? It’s like you sometimes do that with who you are (forgiving of your core values). As I said, this section tends to be people’s view which can sometimes conflict with the first pull, but in this case it can match up because the Eleventh can speak to group integration and the Eighth can be constant transformation, just not in the way people seem to think.

Okay with your last roll you have to have some Cardinal dominance with Eighth house placements lmao, happy Solar Eclipse! Really the only thing to add is that you might be a bit restrictive with how you express/present yourself? As in you overthink or you feel like you’re not allowed to do certain things because you didn’t suffer enough for it? Unfortunately problems and emotions will always present themselves regardless of your status, you don’t have to be at a certain level to be frustrated, it’s okay. Also you feel a bit goofy, I hope you’re allowed to let that side out enough.

Songs: Friends – Flight of the Conchords, Girls & Boys – Good Charlotte, Perfectionist – Flash Forward, Drew Barrymore – SZA

Pile Two

Cards: Twelfth House, Hygeia, Last Quarter Moon, Sixth House, Sun, Venus, Jupiter, First Quarter, Seventh House, Uranus, Aries, Eleventh, North Node

Oh? Well, as a side note the cards came out without issue, so there’s a feeling that you know yourself quite well. More than you might realize because I feel like you...there’s a feeling of you making adjustments for yourself without realizing. There’s a house opposition but it feels like it’s working well so far here. In tune with your body and soul, so when something feels off or you’re feeling sluggish, you make adjustments to one portion of your life and you’ll be feeling a bit better the next week. There’s also a pretty forward quality here about you, you don’t pretend to be anything you’re not and you’re down to earth. This first pull can also point to a healing quality about you — the dynamic of the 6th & 12th can usually have someone who ends up working for charities or having a natural ability to help others in some form underneath their daily routine.

I already had a feeling this pile was something else. I don’t know there is a very relaxed energy about your. Even while listening to your first song, it still felt more calm despite the meaning of the song? Considering these are Benefics and The Sun, it’s like you do your best to always look on the bright side of things. I mean yes this can point to overindulging and running away from issues, especially since we got the Twelfth, but I’m feeling more tranquil and like...happy. I’m not getting negativity. So it’s just minding your business and trying to live a peaceful life. Also lowkey spiritual/philosophical, always looking for more.

Not surprised by these cards. Due to your actual energy, you seem very harmonious and pleasant to be around. However looking at these songs I’m getting it’s clear that you’ve experienced connections/situations that weren’t so pleasant. As I mentioned before, you’re someone who prefers to live a happy life, you don’t want to stay in negative places. It’s reflected in these cards that you’re very determined to move on and live the life that you want. From the perspective that you might’ve just had the worst thing happen to you and you’ve moved on next week, it can seem a bit perplexing to others haha.

Oh! That’s interesting. There is that peaceful energy to you, but due to what you experienced you want to protect others. Not in a sacrificial way, but you want to implement change. You’re not someone who wants to sit around and wait to protect after the incident has occurred. Very passionate, possible leader material, and so much care to those around you and the community that you could foster. I absolutely love your energy.

Songs: Best of You – Foo Fighters, When the Day Met the Night – Panic! At the Disco, Demons – Imagine Dragons, Awake and Alive – Skillet

Pile Three

Cards: Virgo, Sun, Taurus, Hygeia, Sagittarius, Pisces, Cancer Rx

I keep being drawn into the hole on the Sun card. I’m getting nothing else, so I think right now there is some healing that needs to be done to the ego — or identity. To piece this together, it’s like someone is being too self-critical of who they are, and to solve this they need to implement self care because I also got that. That could just be parts of the personality but I’m getting. Nothing. Let me see.

Oh my god I can’t read any of this literally. Sag-Pisces makes me think of Jupiter influence, and could point to avoidance for this particular reason. It feels like being asked what to drink, not knowing what to choose so asking to try everything. Everything feels very flimsy, so either I have a lot of people within this pile or we just need to work on who we are at our core a bit longer which is just what happens in life. Cancer being in reversed is also important, because I never take my oracles that way unless they fly out as such. This signifies a lack of nurturing in some sort. Or the emotions are being pushed to the side. Ego can’t survive without emotion — it’s just a paper bag at that point. It feels more like trying to fit into another archetype or be someone that you’re not? Like following trends as an example. I’m pulling advice for you, one second.

Energy to Embrace: Whale, Oyster, Peacock

Yeah, you have to embrace your own qualities and put them back out into the world. All of these cards show that there has been some damage done, so I can understand that there is some insecurity or fear in doing that, but masking as someone else is not the answer and it’s causing more internal confusion/damage. You have gifts that the world should see. Everyone does. We each have something that no one else can offer, which is why we’re here. Don’t water yourself down just because someone else believes you deserve to be. Work on yourself bit by bit and I hope next time I can see this pile glowing.

**As I was finishing up I realized the first song could be from another point of view towards you and you're the second song, but that might only resonate for a few people**

Songs: Oogie Boogie's Song — Ed Ivory and Ken Page, Read Your Mind – Tayla Parx

Pile Four

Cards: Venus, First Quarter Moon, Cancer, Eros, Libra, Gemini, Cancer, Third House, Seventh House, Virgo, Second, Sagittarius, Uranus

Enjoying the finer things in life and all of it’s pleasures. I’m not really feeling an intense energy besides you starting off with a Britney song but it feels more like...hidden intensity. When pushed you’ll bite back. Besides that pretty calm? You know your worth and you’ve very giving to others. Can be a bit infatuated with the idea of love, but I don’t think it’s too unrealistic or imbalanced. You’re very peaceful but also determined to achieve your goals.

Not all my favorite signs??? So you definitely enjoy interacting with others, definitely flirting with and annoying people as well. I’m still getting a really chill energy despite having these signs hit the table haha. I think you’re pretty sweet, enjoy giving your time to others and would appreciate the same back *most* of the time. You can be sensitive to the energy around you considering we got both Venus and Eros before. I can see the messiness from here but I will look away because it’s funny.

Yeah, relationships are pretty important to you. Doesn’t have to be romantic, just making the connection with others puts a smile on your face. You could also be seen as someone who is really easy to get along with. Another thing is you might be known in your community? Like local, not a big name. I’m not sure why it shot out with that, but 3rd is giving me that your parents talk a lot or they’re very involved, therefore people end up knowing you. You could also be very dedicated to what you do? Maybe not a perfectionist but you take your job or craft seriously? So you could be seen as very intelligent or very gifted due to your ‘spotless’ record haha.

Okay also maybe a bit of a smart-ass because the second I said ‘what the hell is this’ I got the last song — which is basically ‘I do whatever I want’. I don’t think that’s your dominant personality, but as I said before there are times where people test you or think lowly of you and that’s when it comes out. Like ‘ah they’re too spineless to do that’ and then you do it to prove them wrong or just piss them off honestly. With the second house I don’t think it’s money that’s a concern, but more like that items that you have, or the clothes. It’s like how you’re seen and present yourself, which can be counted as valuables because they reflect you. Sagittarius and Uranus are both outspoken and well, you want to make sure you’re noticed sometimes.

Songs: Piece of Me – Britney Spears, OT – John K, Speak — DBMK, ^_^ – CHANMINA

[diodellet]

try wishing for it: magical girl au ~author's note~

warning for: Puella Magi Madoka Magica spoilers and more yandere headcanoning

Read the fanfic first before you spoil yourself on my rambling 😇

I did not expect to be able to transition from draft to posting that quickly for a fic of this length (or maybe it just felt faster because the stars aligned for my motivation and brainworms to work together? who knows)

Will I ever continue this AU? Maybe if I get clubbed in the head by more Scarabia brainworms, I might write oneshots/short scenes, but I don’t see myself writing for any of the other twst charas.

Anyways onto the ramblings galore:

Inspirations:

The verse that the fic’s title is ripped from goes: “Saying, ‘it’s like magic!’ / immersed in this sensation, even if I try wishing for it, / I know it’s nothing but playing with dolls //” (tl credits to Releska).

Tbh, analyzing poetry/song lyrics isn’t my biggest strength, but I know that Mahou Shoujo, as a genre, tends to touch on themes of adolescence like innocence vs. jadedness in the face of the real world and its many issues, just stepping into and growing out of adolescence as one of those uncomfortable transitions in life.

Stepping into young adulthood is scary, and most people my age don’t even know what the hell they’re doing. So for Reader, I gave them that highschooler-trying-to-be-capable-and-mature persona, with a tinge of anxieties that a young person would have.

*I’ll elaborate more on the Puella Magi inspirations in a later section, but yes, that was also a major inspiration for this fic

Vagueness:

Compared to my usual long-winded writing style, this fic ended up a bit more short and ambiugous in its prose. Partially because I didn’t want to procrastinate on writing this by rewatching my favorite Mahou Shoujo franchises.

(but also mainly because partial aphantasia lets gooo, detailed visuals are not my strong suit, I’m leaving Reader’s outfit and weapon blank for people to insert anything they’d like)

I mainly wanted to emphasize the character moments between Reader and Kyubey!Scarabia, which ended up becoming more conflicting and interesting than I initially drafted.

(It helps that Jamil is a shady guy, he set up the foreshadowing on his own. Kalim on the other hand, my god, maybe it's just me but I had a harder time characterizing. Why is he so loud and friendly, it makes his manipulation so much more covert grr)

Gold (and Red, I guess):

I lied, there was one visual aspect I wanted to highlight throughout the story, which were Scarabia’s trademark colors of gold and red. Anything gold mentioned in the fic is traced back to them. So every moment of Kalim and Jamil using magic, Reader’s magic, the bangle that Jamil gifts them, the wraith in the beginning having a (formerly) gold collar. (I would've added a description of something gold on each wraith, but I didn't want to be too heavy-handed with the repetition.)

(yes i had thoughts of jamil just giving them a golden collar…but ooo…held off on that instead, it could be a standalone what-if scenario…a corruption arc premise…ooo…someone remind me about this, i might forget)

I also mention jamil++the color red in this fic because I had to put Snake Whisper in, I can’t not 🙈

(that bit of kalim’s healing magic was me trying to make a reference to Oasis Maker, it feels a bit scuffed to me, but i don't think he’d ever get the urge to drown the world. truly sunshine boy's such a covert yandere it almost made me tear my hair out)

Kyubey!Scarabia, Some Difficulties and Omissions:

In Puella Magi, the little satanspawn named Kyubey is actually short for “Incubator,” who hails from an alien civilization tasked with preventing the heat death of the universe. Turns out the emotions of teenage girls is a very potent energy source. So he turns girls into magical girls to fight Witches and when those magical girls succumb to despair, they become the very thing that they fight against, producing vast amounts of energy for them to use.

(Though I changed it from ‘Witches’ to ‘Wraiths’ for this fanfic. I also did away with the Witches’ Labyrinth to lessen the amount of exposition. I jus think Witches work better in a visual medium.)

Another standout characteristic of Kyubey is his eerie sense of apathy to the characters’ suffering, which was Difficult to incorporate into Kalim since that guy’s got buckets of empathy. Until I realized that i could spin this into a kind of “warped” love.

Kalim loved each and every magical girl that he’s worked with, and of course he gets sad that they eventually become a wraith. But as an Incubator, his grieving is more akin to a rich person feeling sad over the death of a pet. He’s very quick to turn his attention to the next shiny thing (that’s you/Reader! Ain’t that great!🥴)

Also @jessamine-rose gave me this hc of Kalim amassing little trinkets from every magical fighter, like a ribbon accessory or a piece of their wand, collecting these little charms. Just, the idea of him saying that he’ll cherish Reader’s own treasure, and the way that could go from reassuring to chilling. (now i’m spreading that hc to yall instead of pingponging it in my brain😇)

On the idea of Jamil and love, I think he just loves holding power over magical girls #MegalomaniacThingz (ignore that growing fondness in the fever scene, he was just playing the part of helpful familiar or sumn /shrug)

There's definitely room for some kind of intense fascination to reader, knowing that they surprised him with their resilience. Yeah sorta like Tokyo Mew Mew's Ichigo and Quiche...

(i was crying so hard at having to axe forehead kissies for the second time, but it was a necessary omission😔)

Misc. Extras:

As a palate cleanser, just imagine plush ball!jamil carrying a plastic bag twice his size… (i was struggling with the dialogue during that fever scene, this was how i kept myself from spiraling too far)

In line with the genie of the lamp story, Kyubey!Scarabia gets the three wishes for their magical girls, with the third wish eventually corrupting the magical girl into a wraith.

I guess the other dorms would have something unique for the magical girls that they create? (not having wi-fi for the past few days gave me some half-baked ideas)

Like Heartslabyul imposing a rigid set of rules on their magical girls, which are of course rigged against the inherently flawed nature of humans and their emotions.

Savanaclaw and Pomefiore are similar, you fight until you can’t. Or in Pome’s case, you fight until you become an unrecognizable monster.

I imagine that Octavinelle and Ignihyde are the most similar to the original Kyubey of Puella Magi. You make a wish, fight the wraiths, reap the consequences of a wish, and eventually succumb to the vicious system they have laid out. Only Octavinelle’s version is Sayaka Miki-core, while Ignihyde’s plays out like a video game-ified version of Hercules’ trials. (Also, Ignihyde deffo keeps a compendium of each magical girl and wraith).

For Diasomnia, it could kinda follow Sleeping Beauty's plot, where there's a curse that the magical girl has to work against, while being aided with blessings from the fairies/Malleus' retinue (tho in this case, i guess Malleus ends up being revealed as the one creating the wraiths?)

tl;dr: This fic was so fun to write, I can almost forgive the usual agonies that plague me. I'm a writer who heavily prefers soft worldbuilding. Scarabia makes me so ill.

tagging: @viperwhispered @twstgo

[ghostymarni]

can we consider that during intense life events, the effect it has on shifting life choices + reasons behind it? character trauma is WILD

just some personal rambling below the cut; venting somewhere for my peace of mind.

[warning heavy life shit]

After my husband passed, I’ve basically been coping sober the last 5 months. It’s to the day today.

From enjoying life on a high, to drop kicking my survival into sobriety. Not that it was bad, it was controlled enjoyment. Knowing that since I’ve dropped weight from grief, alcohol is neither a smart choice nor does it help with digestion which back tracks fitness progress; I also choose to never relapse my 20’s drinking habits.

I’ve almost become extremely wary of doing anything because I refuse to give chance to any potential to lose my career, kid, home, or peace of mind. I’ve shifted back into high caffeine intake but since getting sick I’ve had to go from 3-6 cups of caf to no more than 3 a day. Fitness is on hold until my cough goes away. But with end of the year work overtime, no help, and survival single parent widow perseverance, it is taking its toll on me. I can’t stop, I have no one to fall back on. My eyes now have undertones of bruise discoloration from it all.

I’m taking a break from other social to be more on tumblr again because here brings me more peace of mind. Ya’ll being yourselves have been a beacon of light in all of this. So if you’re reading this, thank you. I push and look forward to the friends I’ve made on here and the chaos and laughs that bring extra serotonin to my world.

I don’t share for sympathy not one bit. Just pure venting to share what’s actually going on with me. Sharing somewhere I know has actual people wanting to interact and care. Even if it’s just a virtual hug, it’s more than I can ask for. I purely enjoy being here and I just want to be treated without the cloud of people I know in person’s judgment for coping how I need to or how I make my own life choices for my kid and I. Which feels ironic that no one gave a shit before, but since his passing everyone now has a say or opinion.

Deep breath. I’ve got additional real world shit I’m trying not to let bring me down. I need to remind myself I’m capable and I’m doing more than I have ever processed in my life. I wouldn’t be okay without the bad batch, without the clones, without my friends here. [also mega shout out to Lupe for being the sweetest person ever and for listening to my constant nonsense <3 ]

I personally find the clones and their loss in a sense comforting, more so relatable because of my own loss. Regardless of fictionality, that they live to fight another day. They keep pushing, they keep fighting. Because that’s exactly what I need right now. You guys are my brothers in that retrospect. No pressure no responsibility just support and happiness.

You’re still here?

Hey 😏

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Hi, Pom, hope you’re doing okay. I wanted to know what are your thoughts on this ‘some people write Spencer so out of character and take out all his autistic traits and portray him as someone he’s not, especially during sex’ discourse.

Personally I think those people don’t understand his character very well and don’t see how much he changes through the seasons but I also know that everyone perceives characters differently so there isn’t a correct way to write him.

But I’m curious about your thoughts on it. I’ve seen some comments about the topics a writer prefers to write about (again, specially with smut) and I think they can be harmful for other writers (I’ve also noticed most come from adults that aren’t in their 20s yet so that says something too 😅)

I feel like I rambled too much but I hope I’ve made my point!

Much love❤️

Hi, friend! I’m doing alright, thank you for asking. As an autistic person, I obviously have quite a few personal feelings about any discourse regarding “appropriate” or “correct” behavior for an autistic person in any context. I’ll start my answer by saying that autistic people are not a monolith. We each have our own preferences, personalities, and experiences. I can only speak to my own.

I don’t actually think that anyone is reading Spencer’s character “wrong” because I don’t think the writers are entirely consistent within canon. I also don’t think anyone is obligated to acknowledge or appreciate all aspects of canon. So, I agree with you that everyone can write him however they’d like.

I also agree with you that any post disparaging other writers’ style or work is harmful and entirely unnecessary. It is mean-spirited and inappropriate. Perhaps it’s my age, but it has always been my understanding that, when you engage with a fandom, you are joined by people of all experience levels and backgrounds. There will be people with niche interests. There will be people who write things you hate. It’s inevitable.

The core of a fandom is how we handle those disagreements. I personally choose to live and let live. I see no point in hurting other people. It’s not required in order for me to enjoy my time here.

In a world where everyone is constantly tearing each other down, I would rather be a cheerleader. I would encourage others to try not to engage in these conversations and simply choose to lift up those writers you love and appreciate, instead. We’re here to have fun, after all!

P.S. It’s very silly to claim any portrayal of Spencer in a sexual situation is “out of character” because they do not ever show us his sexual behavior. Believe whatever you want to about how he would react. He’s not real. It doesn’t matter whether someone enjoys imagining him a different way. What does matter is that cruel criticisms over specific sexual preferences will hurt actual, real people. If you want to argue about sexual morality, do it somewhere else. Fandom is not the place. While I have replied to harmful sentiments before, I don’t encourage it. It will open you up to very unfortunate and often triggering interactions with strangers over a vulnerable topic. You deserve better than that. My best advice is disengage & block.

(Finally, because this is a contentious topic, I feel obligated to remind everyone of my philosophy on anonymous hate so we don’t waste each other’s time.)

[nevermorgue]

I'm genuinely *so* obsessed with your blogs and I am even more obsessed with pluke, therefore I will share some of my modern au pluke headcanons :) (+a little Lenore mention)

—Pluto always has painted nails because it stops him from biting them, Duke paints his and he paints Duke's just for funsies.

—They have very random inside jokes that could mean literally anything and whenever someone asks about them they reply "You'd have to have been there."

—Pluto has piles among piles of gloves with different patterns and designs, he himself doesn't know where they all came from but he still wears them.

—Duke has little month-long obsessions with shows, films, games, etc and Pluto just has to sit through all of his aimless ramblings about them.

—Pluto has zero body-mind coordination and Duke always laughs at him whenever he tries to do something and fails miserably, Pluto then mentions something really embarrassing Duke did ages ago to shut him up.

—They unintentionally share everything. They'll share silly things like toothpaste, socks, jackets, etc and not notice for weeks because it just looks right on the other (unless it's something new, which they'll point out but not really do anything).

—Pluto has had the same hair straightener for years, it is hanging on for dear life but he doesn't want to get rid of it because he's too attached to it.

—They play minecraft together and hit eachother whenever they say something stupid. Duke goes into the caves and gets blocks while Pluto builds their base and gets resources. Duke insists on getting a million dogs while Pluto wants a million cats.

—Pluto goes through multiple eyeliners a year, collecting the empty tubes in a little box that he keeps under his bed.

—They have separate bedrooms, but they always sleep in one room together like a sleepover. Duke always scares the life out of Pluto whenever its dark enough and Pluto just shines his phone light at him.

I could genuinely go on and on about them, but I shall spare you from reading all of my silly little thoughts

HELLO ANON THANK YOU. for liking my dumb stuff and for the pluke. todays been hell. i need some pluke today. and i love your hcs. allow me to add onto them …

- i love their minecraft nonsense. while pluto is out of the house duke will make all of his dogs sit on plutos bed and chests. then he comes back and he just hears the chorus of barking and he’s like “duke get them OUT”

- pluto eyeliner is SOOOO REAL. duke does dramatic ass wings and on occasion convinces pluto to let him do one on him to see what it looks like

- when pluto doesn’t straighten his hair he has little waves. please. imagine little wavy hair pluto.

- pluto will read the wikipedia pages of the random shit dukes into every month so he can seem interested

- pluto can be so clumsy. having only one eye and no depth perception can be tough. all he’s good at is balance. like in canon. duke jokes that all he can do is land on his feet like a cat and then clumsily does everything else.

- he will trip on his feet on flat ground. duke catches him by the armpits though

- THE GLOVES. LITERALLY i said duke always buys hoodies that remind him of pluto. imagine he does this with gloves too. i’m so.

- they can never tell when pluto is wearing dukes stuff bc pluto always wears oversized stuff anyway. gay people.

- obsessed with all of these. thank you .

[utilitycaster]

I’ve always been very interested in what you think about Caleb and Veth’s relationship. They’re not romantic, but not platonic, but not familial, but at the same time they are, but it’s different? I’m rambling. I find their relationship very interesting and I wanted to see what your take was on them :)

Also have a good day if you’re not having one already and if you are, have an even greater day

Hi anon, thanks! I assume you are asking specifically for my take but I follow a lot of people who have like, 20 times more thoughts on them than I do so I feel a little ill-equipped.

With that said: I personally did not seriously ship it romantically, but that was purely a matter of what I'm specifically into. I do think that a romantic reading of their relationship is an extremely valid one and there was, undeniably, a romantic element, which is why it's not clearly platonic. It reads as familial but in my opinion it is genuinely a relationship that only makes sense within a found family framework, ie, while early on Veth attempts to frame it as a mother and child, it really isn't that, either; that's just how she can best put what they are to each other into words because more apt ones don't exist. They care about each other and they care for each other and they did so at a time when each of them thought they had no future, even before they could admit that's what they were doing. I think that's the best way to describe it.

Something that has struck me - and that is one of the things I want to keep an eye out for when I finally one day have time to rewatch Campaign 2 - is how despite their relationship being one of convenience and coincidence (ended up in jail together, broke out, found it easier to travel together) and some degree of self-interest (Caleb benefited from having someone who could steal and who would remind him to take care of himself; Veth benefited from someone who wouldn't be chased out of shops and was interested in what a wizard could do for her; both did better with a partner for scams) it still lasted for months with no plans of separating. It didn't matter that Caleb wasn't telling Veth most of his past nor Veth telling him hers - or even her real name. They were lonely and it was better to travel with someone else, and they felt better for doing so, even if they told themselves (not even incorrectly) that it was purely a pragmatic matter.

My favorite early scenes between them are first, Caleb asking Veth if she'll leave with him should his reveal of his past to Beau go badly; and secondly and more importantly Veth saying she loves the rest of the party and that this isn't just pragmatism that's leading them to rescue the others. She's talking about the kidnapped party members; but again, because Veth and Caleb have never really defined what they have as anything but a partnership of convenience it feels like she is obliquely telling him how she feels as well.

I also of course love their scene in Felderwin - when Sam goes fully serious it's nearly always going to be a great time, and Veth's anger and drunken accusation and Caleb's intense guilt is a highlight, as is the way they are both able to move past it soon after due to the strength of their relationship.

I also think Liam and Sam did a fantastic job of laying the groundwork. Everyone did so beautifully for their Mighty Nein characters but I think Veth and Caleb's uneasy six months together feels incredibly vivid and real and are a standout among the pre-existing relationships. That might just be because Fjord and Jester had only been traveling together for a very brief amount of time, and because between Molly's death and Yasha not being around much we couldn't see as much of their friendship, but I still think about the list of grifts Caleb and Nott had together and how they were still running them mid-campaign. It was a level of work I think all players should aspire to when playing characters who knew each other in advance. There need to be inside jokes and a history and plans they've made together to breathe life into a pre-existing relationship that's more than a month long (give or take), otherwise it will fall flat and feel forced.

I think this focuses pretty heavily on their earlier relationship and that's because as time goes on they build stronger relationships with the rest of the party and develop a bit more distance. I think this is healthy! Again, a lot of their relationship - particularly on Caleb's side - came from a belief that this was the best they could hope for, and so it necessarily evolves, particularly once Veth and Yeza are reunited. I think Xhorhas/Angel of Irons arc Caleb isn't sure how to approach the relationship for a while until he finds a means of giving Veth her body back; Caleb is always someone who shows affection more through action than words. But I think that even as they build separate lives, Veth returning to a renewed version of the one she thought she lost and Caleb making something entirely different, they still mean a lot to each other and later in the campaign they are able to adjust and adapt their relationship with each other as well.

[kaftan]

Some Notes on Arcs 18-20

(Long post! Here there be ramblings! Sorry)

- I forgot this was an arc 18 moment till I checked — Taylor feeling seduced (her words) by Dinah’s power, longing to hold on to her despite her mission being to free her… goosebumps. I love how the villains she hates rub off on her, worm (ha) into her.

- And then describing the act of returning her to her home as throwing away a resource… something that felt dumb to do… being proven right, in a sense, in arc 20, when it comes back to bite her… I’m reminded of some dialogue from animorphs that I’ll have to paraphrase, something about how what matters isn’t what’s right or wrong, it’s what’s expedient. Taylor isn’t all the way there yet, but feels like a matter of time.

- More on Taylor and morality: it’s fascinating to see her go through the same rough trajectory for every major battle — she starts from her baseline, being disturbed at the notion of seriously hurting or killing anyone, slowly numbs that sentiment with plenty of half-hearted strands of reasoning, eventually escalates to the point of cold-blooded violence or the enablement of such… and feels nothing. “Dissociation as an integral aspect of being” moment!

- I love Jessica Yamada. Not enough to read Ward, I have my limits. Getting a better perspective on the “all Amy’s horses and all Amy’s men couldn’t put Victoria back together again” situation was a treat. I love the horror elements in Worm. I love the horror of having the face of your trauma etched into the folds of your brain.

- Met Sveta! People on tumblr namedrop her a lot, to the point where I wondered if she’d been introduced before and I forgot. She’s a darling.

- Lily’s meltdown about Skitter… you can’t even look straight at her without feeling your skin crawl ❤️ but she sounds idealistic and naive even with cockroaches and bees crawling over her face ❤️ she starts making sense ❤️

- [Trickster voice] my beautiful gamer princess with a disorder… talk to me��

- This quote here:

“I mentioned it in passing to Miss Militia,” I said, “Better that you tell the truth and say we pushed hard for it. Blame me.”

“No,” Regent said, “Blame me.”

I shot him a look, and he shrugged. “Just wanted to get in on the fun,” he said.

says so much about Alec, lmao. It flagged in my brain because it’s the second time I’ve consciously noted it: his jokes about wanting to be included speak volumes. The truth he does not dare to know, etc etc

- Taylor “we cannot rule out human sacrifice” Hebert

- Marissa: She’s my friend. / Taylor: Was. It’s a big difference. Fast forward: Emma interlude, crossing paths at Arcadia. I love storytelling.

- Speaking of the Emma interlude: reading about Taylor’s bullying always makes me feel queasy; this was bone nausea on a deep level. What happened to Taylor is like if your worst fears about other people came true. You know, the nagging worry that you’re a burden, that a late text means I don’t want to be your friend. The worry that any reasonable person will tell you to ignore. How the fuck do you come back from living that nightmare?

Reminds me of Amy, how what happened to her is like if your worst fears about yourself came true.

- Everyone always talks about Taylor’s repressed rage but holy shit her repressed rage. What a character. What a character. I love her fantasies of violence. I love how much she basks in that meager catharsis.

- There’s something beautiful about how effortless the supervillain persona is for Taylor. (Every you is the real you, you are the mask and the wearer, etc.) Her standoff against Dragon and Defiant might be one of my favorite scenes yet. The perfectly affected nonchalance, the hanging threats toward hostages (becoming a theme), the mile-a-minute plotting, the grandiose gestures, the leveraging of fear… she’s a wonder and a terror.

- When she smiles and Clockbocker says “Fuck me, it just sunk in. It’s really her.” :-)))

- “and so that Defiant could make something resembling an apology as part of his twelve step assholes anonymous process” I fucking love you Taylor I love you forever

[flowercrowngods]

Prompt that has been eating my brain: Eddie finishes his book, and he hasn't shown it to anybody. Steve knows about it, but he doesn't really know much about it at all. And of course, dedications and acknowledgements. Eddie has been wandering around the apartment grumbling to himself for the best part of two weeks trying to figure them out. What if they fall apart the week after the book comes out? What if they end up hating each other? What if every time he goes to sign his name he's reminded of the boy he lost? I need your thoughts because you have better thoughts on this than me.

you have better thoughts on this than me what the fuck dude 😭 i mean i do have thoughts. i hope they get the bats out of your brain

“Eddie,” Steve’s voice gently breaks through the eerie silence that has oh so mockingly settled in the room. It’s silent because Eddie is staring at the screen, unmoving and petrified. He’s been staring at the word Acknowledgements for so long it has long since stopped looking like a real word, the concept disintegrating while its meaning is only gaining weight, cutting off his throat at the worst of times and making him frown in frustration at the best of times.

The book is finished. It’s done. How come he’s only hitting the hardest part now? It’s fucking laughable.

“Babe,” Steve says again, and this time there’s a warm body at his back, leaning into him until arms wrap around his shoulders and Steve’s cheek comes to rest on the crown of Eddie’s head. “Come to bed,” he whispers, and Eddie leans back briefly, soaking up Steve’s warmth.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he murmurs.

“Liar.” Steve huffs against him and then shifts to press a kiss to Eddie’s hair before moving back to his original position. He must be looking at the screen, and Eddie wants to reach out and hide it, close the windows, shut it all down. “I thought you were done?”

“I am,” Eddie says and sighs.

“But?”

“But I’m being stupid about it.”

Steve makes an unhappy noise and wraps his arms tighter around Eddie. “Wanna talk about it?”

Does he? He doesn’t, it’s stupid, it’s literally not a big deal. He’s just all up in his own head about acknowledgments, because that’s like breaking a wall. Writing a book can be all about the characters, about the setting, about the message or the journey or whatever.

But when you open a book and on the first page it says, For Anna, then that makes it a real thing that happened in this world. It’s not isolated anymore. And when you finish the book and are about to close it, but then it says, I’d like to thank a whole bunch of people without whom this would not have been possible, then that’s sort of the most mortifying thing Eddie has ever had to confront.

Because what if he thanks Dustin but then something happens and they stop being important to each other? His name will forever be in this book, immortalised as long as people know to read these letters and words. What if he dedicates this book to Steve and then they fall apart? Eddie doesn’t want to build the immortality of art on the fragile pillars that are his heart and soul.

But he can’t tell Steve that. Because Steve would look at him, cup his cheeks and tell him not to acknowledge him like that, then. Easy as that, Eddie, now come to sleep.

But it’s not easy as that.

“That depends,” he says at last. “Are you feeling particularly philosophically inclined tonight?”

“Hmm? How’d you mean?” Steve sounds sleepy and wonderful, and Eddie wants to wrap himself up in it. Wants to write a thousand more books and dedicate them all to Steve, because even if it doesn’t last, it exist right now. Their love is worth to be immortalised for what it is.

Okay, maybe he does want to talk about this pretty badly.

“Let’s get ready for bed and then will you let me ramble at you until we fall asleep?”

“Hmm, deal,” Steve says, smile evident in his voice, and he presses another kiss to Eddie’s hair before they head into the bathroom to get ready for bed together.

When Steve pulls the covers over them and cuddles into Eddie’s side, they spend a few minutes just basking in each other before Steve pulls back to look at Eddie.

“Okay, what’s got you so up in your head, hm?”

Eddie explains. And Steve listens. And he doesn’t take Eddie’s face in his hands to tell him not to worry about mentioning him. Eddie is glad he doesn’t.

“There’s enough of everyone I know in these characters already, but still somehow this is different. What if you’ll hate me some day? What if we don’t make it? I don’t… I don’t want to immortalise something that will cause me pain. But I don’t want to run from it either, because no future version of either you or me could change what we have right now, right this second. You will always have been lying next to me just now. Nothing can change that. So it’s really not a big deal, but…”

“But it sort of is,” Steve finishes for him, and Eddie sags into the mattress a little because Steve understands.

If not everything, then the part that matters.

But Steve isn’t done yet, and he has tis thinking face on, the rare one that allows Eddie to lie back and listen as his Stevie will be the one with the rambles tonight.

“I get why you would obsess over that, but I think you might know the answer already, too. And maybe you’re running from that? Because no matter how hard you try, you can only ever immortalise the present. Or the past. But you can’t do that with the future. So what you have to do is to hope and to trust and to try.”

He intertwines their fingers and Eddie pulls him close, nudging Steve to lay his head on his chest the way he loves to do even as he continues talking the thoughts right out of Eddie’s head.

“I mean, obviously I can’t promise you that we will last forever. I wish I could, but time and life are just too tricky to be recklessly challenged by such promises. But I can promise you that no one will leave you because you loved them hard enough to put it in black ink on a paper in the back of your first ever book, Eddie. I know it’s terrifying to communicate to the world that you care about people and to hope that they care right back, but in the end that’s what… That’s what got you to write a book, isn’t it? You talk, very dramatically at times by the way, about the relationship between art and love and life. Obviously, writing the book is art, influenced by life and love. There is no shame in framing your art in a little bit of life and a little bit of love. With the dedication and the acknowledgements. Because you’re you. And you’re loved and you love. No future will change that. Maybe the people will vary, but what you immortalise aren’t necessarily the people themselves. You immortalise for yourself a reminder that good things exist in your life.

And when they leave? They’ll be replaced. And maybe you’ll have a collection of acknowledgements one day. Of all things good. All things life and love and family. And, I don’t know, but I don’t think that’s too bad. Mortifying, sure. It makes you vulnerable, definitely. But most good things do when they’re worth being acknowledged.”

It still baffles him an unfair amount, time and time again, how existential Steve can be sometimes. How much he listens to Eddie to use his exact terms, how much he understands from the barely intelligible mutterings and ramblings that Eddie loses himself in almost immediately, getting all wrapped up in the golden thread until there’s no unwinding anymore and he has to give up.

Buts it’s fine if he gets it all twisted because Steve will be there, right there by his side, and carefully disentangle Eddie’s limbs with a confused little frown because to him it all makes sense somehow, and he doesn’t really understand how Eddie got here.

So when Steve says all of this, Eddie feels gutted. He feels seen. He feels a bit stupid for worrying so much. The weight on his chest is lifted and the obsessive worrying that has made his head all fuzzy is retreating.

Can it be so easy? Can it just be a collection of who he is, whom he loves and who cares for him enough to let themselves be immortalised by a shapely blotch of ink? Can it be okay in the end? Can it be that sixty years down the line, Eddie looks through all his books and reads the dedications and acknowledgements, and think kindly of everyone?

The image makes him long for that kind of peacefulness. A serenity, a love, a lifetime acknowledged.

“No, that’s not so bad at all.”

Eddie’s eyes begin to sting for some reason and he wraps his arms tighter around Steve. A silence settles between them that tastes a lot like freedom.

“Hey, Stevie?”

“Yeah?”

Eddie swallows and smiles into the darkness of their room. “I think I’ll dedicate my first book to Wayne.”

A happy hum reverberates through Eddie’s chest, and Steve, half asleep by now, says, “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

“Thank you, Stevie.” For being the smartest person I know. For loving me. For acknowledging.

[desultory-novice]

I recently found out that “weekend Susie” is a mistranslation and it’s actually called “susie on vacation” in jpn. I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be Susie in the future like Manager Magolor..any ideas on why shes missing her hairclip and the “Secretary” title she always has in jpn? Susie is so hard to figure out..like how she only smiles three times in the entirety of robobot (once when she takes the program controller and twice when singing the noble haltmann but ONLY when saying the words father in jpn) so I’m curious on what your thoughts are on her (and unfortunately has the worst localization ever…i had to look at the robobot translations from @/kaialone on tumblr) sorry for rambling but shes so interesting to me and it’s a bit sad seeing how a lot of the details she has in characterization never get talked about

Anon...Did you somehow know I've been replaying Robobot in Japanese?! And it's basically strengthened my confirmation that some people - though less than before - are a bit too harsh and/or restrictive in their takes on both Susie and her father. 

That said, I do I try to give people room to "safely hate" these fictional characters as, for a lot of people, it may be one of their only ways of processing a gross problem that affects the real world/so much of history that they can't do much about.

But I love the silly/tragic Haltmann family. I'm sympathetic and even semi-defensive towards 'em. Which is why I'm happy to answer any good faith Haltmann asks.

Ahem! Also, before I get into it, I wanted to say that technically "Weekend Susie" vs "Susie on Vacation" is not a mistranslation per se.

What it IS is a localization.

休日 can mean "vacation," yes. When you break down the kanji, literally it is made up of the words "rest day." So it can also be just about any day when you're not working/not at school/not busy.

For most of western civilization (not me because I'm a contractor XD ) the weekends are people's "rest days." To read 休日 as "weekend" might not even be that much of a stretch/localization!

Probably explains the lack of "secretary" title. She's literally not on the clock! As for the hairclip, who can say...? Similar reasons? I know in Susie's case, it's sentimental, though hairpins in Japan often have this association with studiousness/"time to get serious" so removing it is an easy indicator "She's allowing herself time to be silly!"

I do like to imagine that this is a post-canon Susie though. That girl deserves something nice after her trauma...

Anyway, reminder that post-FL, the localizers have been working more closely with the Japanese team to create a more accurate translation for us. I know the wounds from PR's rough translation (and SA's fast-and-loose in weird places one) still hurt, oof, but the Kirby series is getting better about its translations!!

Actually... you know... there's not THAT many cutscenes...

Maybe I will make my own "If they'd hired Dess to translate Planet Robobot" translation of the game? I've already threatened several times to do a full translation of "The Noble Haltmann" with all references/metaphors intact...

But yes! Speaking of how Susie uses her emotions, I was so moved by something in her first meeting with Kirby, I actually wrote about it! And I'm going to share it here, because you might find it interesting~

-

So, I had my eyes peeled for any interesting bits of characterization left behind on the cutting room floor. Immediately, I was amused by how politely Susie talks to Kirby in the beginning. She doesn't really "talk down to him" or insult his intelligence in the slightest. (One could argue that it's a false business politeness, of course. Although she only breaks that in like, the second to last cutscene) Any dismissal of him feels very "company-mandated." (And the company is run by a murderous computer but leaving that aside...)

She gently praises how beautiful the water and the air on this planet is and that's when something... starts to change in her...

Susie gets impossibly sad. And her attitude changes COMPLETELY.

I stopped for a second reading this. "Hold on. What? Why does she lose her cool HERE? Is this some indication that the place she and her dad used to live on was a really poor planet without clean air and drinking water?" And heck, maybe that is the case!

But something else struck me about her line:

"...You don't even know the value of what you have..."

It's not the snooty we-know-better-than-you "misappropriation of resources" that is triggering her. It is having something precious right next to you and you don't even recognize it.

It's about her dad. Right from the beginning.

She can't NOT talk about it. It affects all her actions. Maybe another reason while I feel like it's better to judge Susie on a whole than any one individual action she takes, because (like Magolor, oops oops oops) she is masking her intentions alllll the time.

Also, omg, I know some people are still sensitive about the Mechaknight thing but that is PEAK grim humor in Japanese! It is treated way too cold and business-like in English, imo.

In Japanese, she starts to describe him exactly like she's telling her bestie that she just met the man of her dreams and then the WHAM line: "So, I gave him a full-body modification!"

Yes, it's unhinged. But it's also wonderful. (She's so Eggman-core.)

[obsidianpen]

Hauntingly is so good but I only read it a couple of times and can’t put myself through it again. Like sure the ending of b and g will probably break my heart too but I can pretend rn they live happily ever after in Albania forever right now. I’m sure people think it’s a happy ending in some sense but to me it’s just so sad Harry had such a sad life and then like saves the world and is basically remembered in history as a side piece to others glory and has to be the master of death and idk. Sorry for the rambling. I’m wondering if it’s ever difficult to get into the headspace to write some of the scenes you do? Like was it hard ending something that fantastic and read and loved by so many and kinda saying goodbye to those characters? Some of the scenes in new glory were hard to read so u talked about being in a different headspace to write harrymort but I’m wondering if your ever like “aw poor Harry I feel so bad doing this to you” lol if you get what I’m asking?

I do get what you’re asking! And sometimes yes, some scenes were hard, but at the same time cathartic. It helps to remind myself that the characters aren’t actually what’s important - they are not real - but the message, which is what I want to to get the readers - who are real (I hope)

[greenerteacups]

GTC how could you, this broke my heart 😭

“I had no choice! Are you joking? You’re Lord Malfoy! A real boy, with real parents, a real life! Saint Draco of Gryffindor Tower, always sneering, always lording over the high ground! First man in history to get Snape and McGonagall wrapped around his fucking pinky, with your perfect marks and your prefect's badge and your do-gooder pals — you’ve had a good life all but shoved down your throat, and you still think you have the right to talk about hard choices? Sorry to trouble you, sir, but I’m Theodore fucking Nott, and I broke the world. And you’re free. So don’t talk to me about death sentences.”

also i LOVE that draco has both severus snape and minerva mcgonagall wrapped around his pinky, making this little piece of GTC-canon my whole personality now 🥹

Thank you, beloved. Loved writing that scene, so glad you enjoyed/despaired entirely at it.

While I also am tickled by the concept, you reminded me of what I liked about that tiny little Snape/McGonagall comparison. (This isn't to say it's wrong, there's just Layers to it that I wanted to ramble about.) Contextually, it comes packaged inside a broader declaration about how Theo sees Draco — that is, an idealized lightning-rod for Theo's envy and pent-up frustrations about his own life — which is at a stark contrast with Draco's perspective. While Snape's favoritism is pretty easy to infer from the godfather-relationship and the fact that Snape just... generally is not slick with it (#Slytherin) I think the McGonagall part is way more informative about how transactionally Theo sees student-professor relationships! We don't know exactly what he's thinking about here — is he just assuming that Draco gets McGonagall's favor because he's a Gryffindor, leading off that remark about "Gryffindor Tower"? Or is he talking about McGonagall and Draco's relationship personally, in which case: why? McGonagall doesn't interact personally with Draco (or any particular student) often outside of class environments, and even though McGonagall clearly likes some people more than others, she's not unfair, and she doesn't abuse her power to favor them. Even when she bends the rules to give Harry a broomstick, she makes a point of trying to avoid outright breaking them (though not unrelatedly, Draco strongly believes that Harry is McGonagall's favorite, cf. "Summer's End.") And Theo doesn't even know about that incident!

So if Theo is actually making a remark about McGonagall personally, he's likely basing it on on the fact that (1) Draco is a prefect, (2) plays on the quidditch team (McGonagall's somewhat obvious soft spot), (3) is generally competent in class, or, (4) he's seeing a fondness in McGonagall's interactions with Draco that Draco doesn't. (4) is both possible and likely, considering how often Draco is surprised by the fact that people like him. (He's not good at reading affection if it isn't effusive fawning or communicated by insult.) But it's a far, far jump from that to "wrapped around your finger" by any stretch of the imagination, because: Minerva McGonagall? In what universe?

But to the point, the comment isn't really about McGonagall, anyway. Theo's flattening Draco's relationship with her down to a system of patronage, like the ones he's used to; it's not a mentoring bond between two people, it's just another shiny thing Draco has that he doesn't, and he shows that by describing it in terms of what Draco might be able to get out of it. It's not "she likes you," it's "wrapped around your finger," implying the possibility for manipulation and use. He's envious of Draco because Draco has options, and his access to authority figures who care about him broadens those options even more. Theo, meanwhile, is functionally orphaned, and the only person in the castle he can count on for political support is Umbridge. So there's a sort of emotional underbelly beneath that particular jab.

[madstronaut]

I recommend bringing popcorn while binging this absolutely stunning firstfic(?!)

first off I am deeply pleased to be rambling once again over one of my earliest and beloved moots' fics

I have been biding my time to savor reading branchy’s very first (?!) fanfic works below and the best way to describe what it feels like to read KM is like watching an action movie but in writing - also once again fucking stunned by the fact this was her first fic; absolutely blown away by how many incredible firstfics i have read that rival published fic out there imho

reading: The Killing Moon by @deadbranch

I listened to the song ‘Killing Moon’ by Echo & The Bunnymen while reading this and it took me straight back to the 90s and thought of the hours of Charmed I watch for some reason...btw if a fic you read mentions certain songs playing in the storyline, highly recommend listening while reading for a full cinematic experience ✨

“Oh my…I knew you were from the States but uh…that’s…an accent ya got there.” “Likewise, sir.”

*gigglin uncontrollably* also shoutout&thank you @/jasonsmirrorball whose commentary on another fic used the indents when quoting from the story which was a fantastic idea!

You notice the subtle change when he bites the inside of his lower lip as his gaze briefly drifts to your lips and back to your eyes.

mmm the triangle eyes, might as well have a neon sign over your head blaring  AM EYEFUCKIN YOU RN

(what are triangle eyes? see gif reference below)

You fight the urge to roll your eyes but instead maintain a locked a gaze with Price, “It was something to do.  My career was headed for a desk and I’m not done yet.  I’ve got more in me, I can do more.  I want more.” “Fuck.  Finally, a real answer.  And no ‘sir.’  Feels good, doesn’t it?”

fucking love branchy’s OCs/protaggos; slay, my alpha queens, slay (also pls step on me)

 Don’t need to be caught gazing at chain of command’s ass.  Eyes forward, always forward.  Eyes fo…

a simple win-win solution my queen: don’t get caught😂

ehhehehe wedding tackle indeed i’ll wed soap’s tackle anyday hehehehe cough moving on

also i am fuckin half in love with OC and her nicknames…typhoid mary, saint of killers (PREACHER REFERENCE!!), iron maiden, sorceress..there’s something special & intimate when you’re christened with a new name by friends/a group of people some odd ones I've had in the past are: bloody mary, albondiga, bringer of tears (thankfully not because of killcounts like dallas here) 😅🤭

“Do they all have different names for you?” He smiles again, his eyes matching the mirth his mouth betrays.  You try not to smile in response.  The last thing you need is to be thought weak, or stupid.  Or like you’re flirting with a superior.  None of those are a good look. “They do.  Did.  I’ve known a lot of people who didn’t want to say my name.”

branchy has a uncommonly talented trait of fleshing out so much history and worldbuilding through straight-up pure/raw dialogue where i can see hear & smell & sense the physical surroundings, the way the characters are holding their bodies, the tensions, emotions - all between several quotemarks! one of the reasons branchy is one of my favorite writers on this hellsite (affectionate)

our mouth hardened into a thin line as you nodded.  “No worries, Johnny.  I survived his death.  I can survive his unexpected resurrection.”

i happen to be reading hunger games rn and dallas reminds me a bit of katniss - (they are direct, bold, present a flinty face to the world due to the harsh settings they’ve survived - yet despite all that, it hasn’t buried their humanity or hardened their heart that deeply just yet, and it breaks through not too far from the surface here and there)

anyway soft soap supremacy and back to thirsting, what was i saying…

..JUST KIDDING LET ME DO AN EXCRUCIATINGLY DETAILED BREAKDOWN of how much i love this scene of ghost seeing dallas again finally

literally just a few back-and-forth sentences’ worth of lore from the previous chapter and already fiending for the tension and drama of their backstory!!! the little things like dallas being able to pick up the difference in his voice, the mention of them entrusting their real names to each other, noting he touched up his eyepaint, the mention of LIMINAL SPACE!!!! (as an anthro grad I was and still am fucking obsessed with victor turner’s liminality and communitas and anyway am always soooo chuffed to see the phrase out in the wild) and anyway not really sure who to be more jealous of here, that dallas got to fuck ghost or ghost got to fuck dallas (yes yes why not both)

“I’m…sorry.  I’m so sorry.”  He says the words plainly, less gravel than usual, but with a pain you don’t recognize.  “I’m so fucking sorry, love.”  The last syllable breaks in the back of his throat.

fucking shredding my pillows in how delicious the angst is

My name.  My name was in his mouth when he died.

None of them knew Simon would whisper your name in the darkness, your name a prayer on his lips.  As though saying it would conjure the most vulnerable and savage parts of your soul so he could enjoy you more fully, so he could offer his own vulnerability and savagery in return.  To be consumed in the same fire.

🥺🥺🥺this is such fucking shakespearean levels of trauma and poetry, i doff my cap to thee branchy my literary queen

i am fucking bouncing off the walls here with the..foreshadowing? the layers of meaning baked into such small almost throwaway lines and gestures - does price even know what he’s offering (and taking) from dallas by letting her know she can call him john after hours/OUT OF UNIFORM? i know this is endgame price x dallas but i find all this past romance angst fucking DELICIIOOUUSSS

Soap backs up another step as he works his way around the rec room, his mouth open, head tilted back.  You smile as only he can make you smile.

“Your hugs fix a lot of things.” You smile as your eyes meet his.

The timbre of his laugh is a delight, a warrior’s voice tinted with naivete and levity.  But he was always easy to cheer up. 

honestly when im not simping for soap i think he’d make such a great and easygoing friend, god i love the way cod writers have headcanoned him as such for the most part

Your face is unreadable as you let the smoke escape into the space above you.  The gilded ceiling leering at you through the haze.  Your dress uniform feeling stiffer and more unnatural by the moment.  A shroud more than armor.

i have definitely felt the itchiness of having to wear a fit, or a face (as have we all at some point) that didn’t quite sit right - but i am mostly glad for the experience of learning to see them as tools and costumes versus prisons and limitations. anyway im blabberin at like 243am which is why im getting vaguely metaphorical and philosophical lol

In the three months since your transfer you’ve gotten to know Price’s moods, what annoys him, what makes him smile.  You can appreciate that he says more with his silence than most people can say with words.  You justify your attention to detail by telling yourself you notice little things in everyone around you, not just John.  The old hypervigilance.  Or your excuse.

i love seeing price through the (heart)eyes of dallas 😍 a secret pleasure of mine is discussing what crushes feel like for myself and others and comparing and listening to all the different ways and reasons people fall in love - and also love the ways prices navigates his own bids for attention from dallas behind the veneer of professionalism 

The years haven’t erased the memory of his footfalls, his measured gait. 

oooh i was just discussing this with friends, how when you’ve known someone for so long you can tell who they are by a specific jangling sound of keys in a lock turning or just the gait of their footsteps from afar

also this wasn’t in the story, just the A/N but “ghost’s abbattoir of a psyche” is a fucking AWARDWINNING turn of phrase branchy 👏👏👏i fucking slow clapped irl like a dumbass when i read it thats how much i liked it lmao

Damn he sounds sexy through the comm.  Don’t know what it is about the comm…

brutal honesty here but i could probably come just from any of the COD men speaking to me over comms, im just stating the facts

“I’ll make it up to you.  When we return, we can do two lessons back-to-back, or we can do an extra-long lesson. Your choice.  Over.”  The line crackles.

“What about every night?  I’ve got catching up to do, love.  I’m not getting any younger.”

HOLY FUCKING SHIT IF PRICE SAID THIS TO ME AFTER BREAKING PROTOCOL I WOULD PROBABLY COME IMMEDIATELY

i am fucking mooning over young ghost thirsting for dallas immediately “She looks strong, but in the way that he wants in an argument, or in bed.  Or against the wall.” yes yes ghostie this is my bread butter and jam and also to use the a/b/o lingo alpha men who want alpha women are just 😘👌🫶

At the time, Ghost was in love.  She had no idea.  He had wanted her to make the first move, the way she had approached him when he first arrived at the mess tent in the desert, unafraid.  He had wanted her to want him.   For Sorceress to claim him for herself.

🥹🥹🥹 not me crying a little and dying inside reading this and seeing ex-archangel dallas through his eyes

literally yelled out FUCK at the top of my lungs when the team cockblocked price and dallas at the bar fucking GO AWAY AND LET EM FUCK GAWD

also fucking love when writers mention music in their fics, i listened to every song mentioned here when they came up…also branchy ur texan is showing with how many country songs are mentioned in your writings LMAO

and FUCK I SIMULTANEOUSLY LOVE AND HATE YOU BRANCHY FOR ALL THE HEARTBREAK AND ANGST IN THIS FIC FROM DALLAS, FIRST WITH GHOST AND NOW SOAP? I FUCKIN KNEW HE WAS CARRYING A TORCH FROM HER FROM ALL HIS LITTLE COMMENTS AND GESTURES BUT MY GOD WHEN HE SAYS HE HAD TO BE SURE AND THEN SENDS HER OFF AFTER PRICE 😭😭😭😭

“Shh… shh… listen to my voice, love.  I’m here.  Nothing’s wrong.  We’re in the hotel.  You’re safe, I’m safe.  The team is safe.  You’re not in that place again.  Those places are gone.  You’re here.  With me.  And you’re my darling, love.  You are mine.  Shh… Come back to me.  Come back to me, my darling…”

the disassociating panic/anxiety attack scene was…wow. as someone who's experienced them myself i found it viscerally a little too realistic (once again hats off to you branchy, incredible writing) but i appreciate how raw and real it is portrayed here…and ofc price’s little comfortspeech would probably cure all heartbreak if it was real

 His wristwatch digs into the side of your right leg.  You secretly hope he leaves the watch on as he fucks you tonight.  And his dog tags.  You want to take them in your teeth as you ride him later.

*me, furiously taking notes for bedtime imaginary/IRL scenarios before realizing i would probably spit them out of my mouth immediately at the metallic taste in a very unsexy way right into wearer’s eyes most likely*

“Well, I don’t wear underwear…I bet the team gets the wrong idea about me all the time.”

😂😂😂

also my heart stopped at dallas finding the ring in the jacket pocket? im unsure of the sense of time in this fic but the ‘i love you’s made their appearances in the 1st inning here!!!

i also love vargas nickname of mija 🥹he would be the best dad (sir i can help you with that cough)

You snap out of your daze and refocus your eyes on Price.  His eyes are the bluest you’ve ever seen them.  You swear they were a slate gray when you first met.  Cold and distant, from a long winter.  Your heart tells you it’s spring.

i fucking love this line, so beautiful and tender mwah mwah chef’s kisses galore for this branchy

“This path, all of this, would be my tomb.  I need life, not death,” you finish, not sure what else can be said.

🫶

You were too much alike. 

this!!!! i clocked this back when soap said the “neither of you smile, you both can have unsmiley babies” - be wary of dating/getting romantically entangled with someone who is a mirror, speaking from personal experience…just because you can reflect and find familiarity in each other doesn’t mean you won’t get burned

anyway i am busy crying at the anguish of soap and dallas’ last convo and the “i shouldn’t have turned you away, i was mistaken” and the “no, you did the right thing” correction

Only John would be willing to challenge Death to a chess match just to buy time.  You give up.

unf!!! fucking love this and the parallel set up with the seventh seal movie reference and the proposal!!! THE FUCKING PROPOSAL and then everyone pitching in to figure out how to make this work for dallas is just 😘👌👌👌

your spare time the both of you had figured out that your height disparity, though not extreme, was enough to cause some mechanical challenges.

this is the only math i will enjoy working out, that and math rocks (dnd joke)

You don’t look up, but you can imagine he’s smiling.  That little smile John saves for you, the one the rest of the world will never know.

🥰🥰🥰

“No.  Not into the rank thing, love.  Honestly, I’ve never found it a turn-on…the power difference…” “I’ve found my equal.  My match in all things,” the corners of his mouth turn up a little at the admission, his voice quieting, “And I can’t fucking imagine a life without you.”

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

so i usually like to liveblog my notes as i read through but my FUUUUUCK THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS WAS LIKE THE LAST ARC OF AN ACTION MOVIE THE PACE WAS ABSOLUTELY DIZZYING IN THE BEST WAY AND I TORE THRU EM LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL

fucking obsessed with the archangel program lore (also slightly sobering as it reminds me of black widow + red room and bucky barnes + winter soldier + IRL MK Ultra + CIA vibes) - I know there are several other series here so emotionally preparing myself to read some of them after this

You don’t know what someone’s made of until you really fight. 

this is an IRL adage i live by and yes I do think a sense of character is truly revealed in conflict that can’t really be seen in other circumstances

also the SELF CONTROL of these two to put a pin on makeup fucking to hash out their woes

You approach Price, your arms held out.  He allows you to pull him into the warmth of your arms, but not before he kisses you. 

this small line about dallas with her arms out gave me goosebumps knowing the journey she has taken re: vulnerability throughout this fic 🥹🥹

 I know I should be, but if Soap and Ghost can survive you, then I think I’ve got a pretty fair chance.

but did they rly tho lol I feel dallas will always be the one that got away for 'em

In truth, you’ve felt like you belonged to one another long before today…. In the dark you practice saying your new names and quizzing each other on little details, like the actual date on your marriage certificate.

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 i love this sm

i listened to all the song refs as they came up in real time and listening to fade into you by mazzy star made me feel like IDK how I felt after finishing die hard or mad max fury road like I went on a fucking JOURNEY...a SAGA...an EPIC....and I need a drink or some taco or bbq, or preferably all of them lol

BRANCHY CAN I POSSIBLY INTEREST YOU IN A SIDE CAREER/HOBBY OF SCREENWRITING COS GODDAMN WOULD I WATCH AN IRL MOVIE TRILOGY OF THIS