#I’m not sure I’ll ever get over this
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Something was in the water that day…
Hoseok said: “you know what? Being coy is for losers, I’m about to get very real right quick.”
And I respect him for that. This is also the most viewed moment from the YouTube video…
…and bonus because I love this so much:
#And hand claps for Tae for making this moment happen#you go glen coco#just a sope archive#sope#suga#hobi#hoseok#I’m not sure I’ll ever get over this#Unless they do it again 👀#yoonseok#yoongi#jung hoseok#min yoongi#just a sope archive oc#Yoongi is better than me because we would’ve kissed#Fuck these cameras FR FR
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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I just remembered about the existence of the Supergirl Special #1 and I got annoyed again. So now I shall copy and paste the review I left in comic geeks.
Perhaps Mariko Tamaki should stay away from Kara. I’m yet to read a good Supergirl story from her. I get that this story has some message about girlhood somewhere in these pages, but it poses an issue Kara has never had. She has never felt like she’s falling behind. That’s not a part of her character. So why use her to tell this story?
Another problem I have is her risking the lives of innocent people, and for what? Because she is jealous of Karen? She’d never do something like that. Helping people has always been her number one priority. And she’d never be jealous of someone else. Especially someone who had their entire charm assassinated by Leah Williams.
Kara can be arrogant and stubborn sometimes, yes, but not in the way it’s presented here. She is arrogant and stubborn in the sense she wants to save everyone and would never stop, even if she’s on the brink of death. Call it the indomitable kryptonian spirit, if you will. Call it stupid stubbornness, if you will. But it is who Kara is. Sometimes she can feel like she’s the only one who can do what it needs to be done, to save the people who need saving, and yes, it is arrogant, but the reason she feels so is because she can’t have anyone dying on her watch. Those “toxic” traits of her come from a place of selflessness and compassion, not jealousy. Everything she is, it comes from a place of selflessness and compassion. She suffered so much in her life, you better believe she’d do everything in her power and more to make sure no one else has to suffer the same way she did.
Kara is a competent woman who knows what she is doing. She’s confident and strong. Phillip Kennedy Johnson once described her as always being “the smartest person in the room”. It still baffles me how DC turned PKJ’s Supergirl pitch down, but green lit this.
It’s been half a year and somehow, I hate this more than the day it came out. Perhaps, it’s because this is last Supergirl thing DC published and it was last year. It’s never too late to let PKJ write her, you know.
#supergirl#kara zor el#my studies on kara#sorry to be getting sappy over kara but this comics made me so mad#how do you mess up her character this bad?#mariko tamaki writing supergirl is just a test of my feminism#and i’m failing it#please never touch supergirl ever again#(yes i don’t like supergirl: being super too)#try not to bring pkj’s supergirls every second post challenge IMPOSSIBLE#i’ll probably stop whining about it someday cuz you guys are probably tired of hearing it#but know i shall forever remain bitter over it#also one time someone posted “supergirl and dreamer” by mariko tamaki on tiktok#like it was announced or something#and i almost cried#biggest jumpscare ever#thankfully it was just something they wanted#and probably no one else#also sorry if you like the supergirl special#and mariko tamaki#i’m sure she has good non-supergirl books
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Oh ya speaking of sewing. Updates to old projects I forgot to post: new blouse & apron for the dirndl, and I added a smocked panel + some barely visible blue embroidery at the hem to Ephy’s pink dress
#sewing#dirndl#elfilin#I made the new blouse and apron like over a year ago LOL#I had originally wanted to make them out of eyelet cotton but got cotton gauze when I was buying materials because it was way cheaper#Mistake. Turns out I hate that stuff and it’s soooo bad for poofy sleeves#and I didn’t finish my edges all that great so I was scared it would disintegrate if I ever tried to wash it#so last summer I finally got some eyelet cotton and remade them#I think I never posted the finished Ephy dress because I wanted to also make a bow to go with it#haven’t done that yet though and it’s been awhile#I’m not sure how easily I’ll be able to wear the dirndl again nowadays without remaking the blouse again (for reasons)#but I did get to wear it on our honeymoon!! we went to a little German-themed touristy town and had a fancy dinner and went shopping#we also did hiking and an amusement park. and Pokémon go#and a lot of driving lol#also yes that smocking is incredibly tiny#I wasn’t sure it would even be physically possible at that size but it worked out yippee!!
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~ ~ ~
#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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mental illness
#i think. uhm i think and this isn’t good#but i think my recent lows are like. affecting everything including my ocs#a ‘nobody will ever be able to love me’ is also turning into a#‘nobody will ever be able to love my characters’ kinda thing#i have this thing where i just randomly decide nobody likes me out of nowhere and just disappear because i think it’s ‘for the better’#which obviously. this is not true. i know it’s not. but it’s still a thing that just happens sometimes#especially lately my emotions have been all over the place. there’s just a lot of loneliness but then i let myself be lonely because#some part of me still thinks i deserve it#not good! it’s not guys it’s not sooo good#granted ive had a busy last week so naturally i didn’t get to interact with my friends a lot#i forgor where i was going with this#anyways recent worries of me being unlovable have transferred to my ocs#i don’t think they have what it takes to be loved just like i don’t have what it takes to beloved#like father like child kinda thing#oh well it’ll get better some time i’m sure!#i’m confident that this will pass but for now i’ll just have to live through it. which is fine!#dios wisdom#vent#rant#i suppose
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I’m reminded of that post about how goths and people who wear only lots of pink are actually the same because “wearing only one color” is a specific choice in opposition to just looking Normal
I’m flying to a friend’s wedding today, and I recently acquired from my neighborhood free page a very pretty vintage suitcase in like a brocade upholstery texture in all of my good colors, so of course I needed a coordinated airport outfit à la Midge Maisel. You guys don’t know me, but I usually dress very put together, in what my sister calls Outfits, with a capital O to distinguish it from just wearing clothes. And since getting a full time job I’ve been slowly adding to my collection of vintage and 50’s-vibes clothes, because I just really like that aesthetic (my bridesmaid dress for the wedding is a vintage tea dress I got from Etsy. The fabric is in great condition but I had to reinforce pretty much every seam with my sewing machine, because the structural integrity of the original thread was breaking down, so that was an interesting learning experience).
All of which is to say that I Dressed Up for the airport in a vintage-y outfit that coordinates perfectly with some of the colors of my suitcase, and my hair is curled, and I have a vintage leather purse that my grandma gave me that matches her watch that I’m wearing and the shoes she bought me last summer at the same vintage store that my skirt came from, and a teenage-ish girl with whatever you call the 2023 teenage equivalent of emo/punk vibes, like the dark maroon mullet and not a lot of makeup and dark comfy clothes but like, very on purpose, told me I look cool when I walked past on the way to security
And like, she Gets It! We have different fashion goals but I think we put a similar degree of intention into the way we look compared to just wearing regular clothes. Which is cool! It’s validating. Not that I really need validation, but it’s always nice to get compliments, of course. And the way I dress is really not terribly distinctive most of the time, other than being Outfits and a little dressier than maybe the norm is, like I think most people who see me one time in passing would see that I look Nice but not necessarily see it as a cultivated Look. But punk mullet girl gets it.
#struggled with not sounding *too* pretentious here#I don’t feel pretentious but I have a hard time talking about like. specific choices and things in any detail#like to my friends I just said what happened with a picture of my outfit and was like ‘and she gets it!’ and they were like ‘yeah!’#but to strangers I have to go into much more detail to get the point across#even though really it’s not like I’m putting all of that into it every day I just get up and go ‘i want to look nice today’#in accordance with my personal fashion preferences#and then having to explain those preferences like ‘my name is alagaisia midge maisel darkness way and I’m wearing vintage whatever’#i do look so cute though#i got these shoes last summer and then lost the heel cap off of one of them the very first time i wore them#finally took them in to have them fixed last week so I could wear them to the wedding#needed a deadline so that I would actually get around to it#i hate flying it’s really a testament of how much I love my friend that I’m flying#instead of driving ten hours to Nebraska#but it made more sense and to make sure i won’t be late or run into car trouble or anything#and I’ll stay looking nice right away instead of getting gross and sweaty in the car or having to change for bachelorette activities#i only know the bride so I’m definitely going to make a very specific impression on all of these strangers lol#i joked with my dad about adopting a trans Atlantic accent for the whole weekend just for shits and giggles#turns out you cannot do it over the top. have you ever listened to JFK’s ‘we choose to go to the moon’ speech#it’s very silly sounding#we had a good time saying things one might say at a bachelorette party in a goofy voice#‘we cho~ose to ohdah thihs maiule strippah… ahnd the othah things.. nawt becahse it is easyh..#but becawhse he is hahd’#highly recommend#mine#personal
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Trying to keep a lid on it but. Yeah. Literally don’t know what’s it like to NOT be platonically neglected IRL my whole damn life, only that I know this One Person doesn’t deserve to be at the epicenter of it anymore than I deserved to have been at the epicenter of theirs a year ago now.
…why am I like this. Why are we like this.
#tiger’s roar#…but like. good god. someone being Actually Genuinely KIND and insisting they DO like my company and want my friendship#(and is arguably mutually attracted and THOSE feelings of mine and what I’m picking up from them just won’t DISPELL already)#just. really stirs the muck. gets at that emotional constipation in my brain’s grease trap#then having TWICE now having Activities Suggested and THIS Time in FRONT of people then like…never following through?#all but thinking aloud with planning to witnesses things that sound less like hanging out and more like a date#and then just…not doing it?#when the Reality is Apparently Too Busy?#us fighting earlier this year over quality time essentially#when all I want is to have like. maybe an hour or two once a week or once a month#to enjoy someone else’s company. get a fucking REPRIEVE from my life#that’s…that’s it? nothing grand. just have the time found where it can be without causing strain?#I’m actually NOT a romantic even when I have romantic feelings? they just make me yearn for basic contact all the more#I’ll always be ‘too platonic’ within a romantic relationship so no it’s never going to be an ‘expectation’#MAYBE the one with unrealistic expectations is the guy who watches romance films and struggles with AllorNothing thinking perhaps?#and…yeah. trying to not feel resentful of their time spent this summer with existing friends when apparently not working 20+ hrs a week#in addition to their own research and god knows what else#…because it feels like there’s no space for me. and probably never will be. and I have never been ‘cool’ a day in my life#sure I own it as an adult. especially a 30s adult.#but having people recognize me as kind and supportive and easy to talk to 1:1 (my group aqauaintance/casual friendships SUCK)#but. basically never getting to keep any of them as friends? quickly ditched? treated like a used bandaid?#it…gets to me alright? like I only exist as Catch/Treat/Release but for people#which sure. the friend I’m angry at HAS been frustrated about me deserving better. looks at me like I’m christmas.#and I’m now fairly close friends with their beloved sibling. and despite things having THE Worst Start Ever their family seems to trust me#…but…it’s just…think I deserve better? think I’m worthy of your esteem and respect? think I’m kind and approachable?#want me to feel safe and relaxed enough to be myself? then just…do better.#ask when I’m available to kill a few hours then…follow through on that. that’s it.#not all the time. and my ‘expectation’ is to always be either neglected or used and feeling jaded about it#just…a repreive. for both of us. that’s it.
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moving on is so odd. i still see them in everything i do but it doesn’t make me want to kms anymore, instead it brings an odd sense of comfort,, like a little reminder charm that they existed alongside me, that im not losing my mind (i might be)
#personal#i’ll always wish it was us in the end#in another life i’ll find you again#full circles#it’s like. they DID exist with me. i did have them for a while and im so lucky to have experienced them#i’m not sure if i’ll ever ‘get over it’ but i think that’s okay in its own right#and for the record#i am losing my mind lmao
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Thinking about this and you know what’s fucking annoying is that I’m sure Mark almost never gets asked about Simple Creatures. Because it’s slated as a Big Deal for Alex to work with this influential star while it was some unimpactful, kitschy side project for Mark. A step up for Alex and a cute step down for Mark. I always understood that boring framing but I continue to detest it, considering it was mostly the ATL fans upholding the excitement, less of a leap for us than what constitutes your average elder male Blink/Mark fan, but just because those people didn’t get it doesn’t make it any lesser a passion project for Mark or uninteresting because those fans who are still allowed more credibility didn’t rally.
#I guess I’ll never stop rolling my eyes at the initializing of Alex in this moment#tbh I don’t follow Blink press and if Mark ever does get asked about SC lmk! but I’m sure a pull quote would trickle in if he had#I get that people go nuts over the og Blink lineup so that takes all the air too but ala Chad Gilbert’s annoyance of exactly that#let’s give credit to the bands that stayed consistent and didn’t have inexplicable drama actually!!#txt#seeing the world through ATL lense means everything blink is getting filtered through that I’m not sorry#Simple Creatures#rambles
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Ignore everything I said last night ty.
#idk i might unprivate it later when I will probably get worked up over everything ever again#I mean. it already was ignored but lmaooo#I’ve bitched and bitched all week#Do i feel that way? yeah. do yall need/want to know that? Nope.#Im going to shut up do my thing and hope people keep enjoying and that I get over things. And if people leave and my time is up#then I’m not sure. And if I get sad again. thats just how I’ll feel and no one else needs to know.#In the end. Kitchen Nightmares and my friends exist so I’ll be happy#I shouldn’t focus on the little things since its impossible to avoid on here.#I’m glad I have followers and likers that got my back#i am GRATEFUL
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Wrote 5K words in nothing but notes planning out a OP AU/fic idea from start to finish. Now all that’s left is to get my unmedicated ADHD ass to actually write it.
… were probably not gonna get past chapter 6 but t least I planned an ending this time :D
#none of my fics besides one shots ever get finished#im not even up to date on one piece#I might have to re write all my planning later#I’m not even sure if I’ll post the story#I’ll try though#I’ve been brain rotting over this story for like two weeks now#one piece#one piece fanfiction#my writing is super rusty#anyone got tips for writing cause I need it…#rambles#fanfic writers
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I really be cursed for everyone I meet to just end up using me huh
#I live the next town over from a college town#that’s like. everyone fucking hates the college kids#especially cause this particular school it’s all just assholes with rich parents#unfortunately for me it’s also full of cool looking alt people who keep fucking me over#cause I fall for the crust pants and platforms and cool hair#then suddenly I’m talking them outta suicide every night and basically parenting them#like full on making sure they’re getting food this recent one giving him a place to crash so he didn’t have to live with his ex#driving them around paying for everything despite the fact they’re unemployed and their rich ass parents buy them everything#meanwhile I actually work and am struggling to pay my bills every month#I can’t afford to feed myself but god knows they’re getting everything they could ever want#and still being ungrateful and rude#and I’ll be like hey maybe u should go to a professional yk im not a therapist I can’t help with ur whole suicidal thing#and they get mad at me and throw me away cause oh no they have to work on themselves and take accountability#I’m not gonna keep spoon feeding some fucker who’s gotten life on a silver platter#idk there’s two very different sides to punks I’ve met#there’s either punks who are punk cause they have been through hell and fucked over by the universe and have a genuine understanding of the#beliefs it comes with and the morals#and there’s the punks who maybe sure like the music and the style but have never had to so much as raise their voice to be heard#never had to fight for anything#which isn’t inherently bad I wish I was that lucky#but they’re never really aware of that privilege and just expect to be handed everything#and get pissed if they are expected to be held accountable for being an asshole#ghost rambles
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thoughts on TWS, the new pledis boy group that's debuting in january?
i mean. the only thing i know about them is their name, so i was probably the worst person to ask this to im sorry 😭
#💌 - mailbox.#💝 - nonnie.#svt seem hyped for them and very brotherly already which is very cute#im still very new here in the grand scheme of things so like. I don’t know how this works#but I haven’t seen really anything about them at all so it’s difficult to have an opinion at this stage. ygm?#like. I hope they’re not all still actual children? or at minimum i hope if they are a young young group that they are looked after well#and if their music is good I’m sure I’ll give em a listen! I wish good things for them for sure#it’s just. and this has been the case with me personally for years. I struggle when artists are very very young because all I can ever think#about is like. this young person is surely very talented but they could not buy a glue stick or a pair of scissors#and then I get the yikes thinking about how much pressure they’re facing meanwhile when I was 15/16 I cried if I ripped my tights. yk#and the industry seems very competitive and people online can be brutal over the tiniest little things#I went on a tangent. anyway#sorry this is probably miles away from the answer you wanted nonnie😭 i just don’t know anything 😭🩵
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hihi i’m curious, when did you first start writing fic??
hello mimi!!! i started writing original stories in elementary school—fourth grade i think—but i didn’t start writing fan fiction until about a year and a half ago! i had always been interested in it, but was too afraid to try my hand at it (silly, i know). it wasn’t until july of this year that i first posted any of my fic writing on the internet, right here on tumblr dot com! i have a lot of experience with writing in general, just not a ton with fic! it has been a uniquely daunting yet fun experience!
#i still get nervous to post stuff#i’m not sure that i’ll ever get over it#my greatest fear is to not resonate with people#that’s the whole point of writing!!!!!#༄ kae’s mailbox
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i may not know anything about astrology but i am a virgo (like esteban) who was in a codependent and eventually toxic best friendship w an aquarius (pierre’s star sign) as a child so. i do think i am qualified to give my opinion
#like yeah i get it i get a lot of it#when u go from being notorious for chit chatting and laughing in class to seeing each other in passing and not even acknowledging#that’s a different kind of pain tbh…#she was very bad to me that’s all i’ll say but also i know i could’ve been a better friend#and to make matters even more like pierresteban the reason we drifted was bc of competition but for us it was in school#yeah i mean i hate her and i’m pr sure she hates me but i think if she asked me to do her a favour or if i ever had to absolve her of a#mistake i would do it. and she would do that for me as well#like in crazy rich asians someone was like ‘when u grow up w people u tend to make excuses for them’#ok sorry guys class over. good bye#beep.txt
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