#I’m having so many feelings and most of them are about Izzy

[greykolla-art]

I don’t KNOW what I want from their dynamic!

I just know it’s INTENSE!

(How are we feeling today, lads? 👀 I’m getting scared of the trailer personally!)

[getoutofmytardis]

ed and stede staying with izzy and buttons coming to visit 😭

[dragonmuse]

Keep It In The Box : An Essay on OFMD Season 2 and the Failure to Heal

(here in is my season two reaction. It contains many many spoilers. It's also about 3k words long so you know what you're getting into.)

“See, I have a system for dealing with all the terrible things I've seen. There's a box in my mind, and I put the things in the box..” -Frenchie, Season 2 of Our Flag Means Death

…..and then he never opens it. Chekov’s locked box has no key in season two.

On first watch, it seemed clear to me that Frenchie’s declaration was a narrative plant. Clearly the whole season would be about that box of pain and trauma being opened, sorted through and at least the beginning of healing. The show had developed a reputation after season one of being kind and focused on queer narratives of healing from childhood. Ed and Stede’s parallels in their childhood traumas were frequently on display through season one and were repeated in flashback throughout season two. Jim’s season one arc about becoming someone who doesn’t think just of revenge and can now forge meaningful connections was profound, beautiful and often funny. Izzy is an antagonist because he doesn’t want Ed to move on or stop acting like the trauma-response version of himself. The antagonist wants to stop healing. The point is to grow, to change, to learn how to love. It’s one of the things that made season one work for me at the time, despite reservations about pacing and tone.

So naturally season two should follow suit. It’s a kind show! About healing and falling in love!

For the first several episodes, the remaining crew on the Revenge go through a gauntlet of trauma, forced to do and receive violence at Ed’s whims as he careens from self-destructive behavior to self-destructive behavior. This is the wounding setup. It was dark, but it seemed like it would have a payoff and at first it did.

Perhaps one of the most beautiful moments of the season comes in one of the small respites in those early episodes as Jim recounts Pinnochio to Fang to soothe him through his grief. That was the show that I expected. The kindness of that moment struck me very deeply. It gave me some understanding of Archie too, who seems to fall for Jim right at that moment.

That scene is the show season one promised. Season two led with packing Frenchie’s box full to bursting. Here is the fight to the death between lovers, there is a first mate who is mutilated and rotting in the very walls (the rot of the Revenge itself), and there is the storm of Ed’s rage and pain that threatens to consume all of them.

So surely these remaining episodes would concentrate on finding the humor in healing from those moments. That is the setup. Frenchie has a box. The box must eventually open.

Except time and again, all the characters who suffered are told that the only way to deal with what they’ve been through is to stick it in the box and never open it again.

Pete tells Lucius that he’s unable to move on and needs to let it go. Izzy has a story about a shark. Ed’s apology to the crew which doesn’t even contain the words ‘I’m sorry’ is just…accepted. I kept waiting and waiting for a meaningful apology to the people Ed had hurt the worst with his actions, but it seems all we get is Fang saying ‘eh, no problem, I got to hit you back so I feel better’.

The playful theme of ‘pirates are just violent sometimes’ from season one becomes a grinding horror machine in season two when every atrocity visited on someone is forgiven because the narrative needs it to be. Ed and Stede spend more time making amends with each other over the bloodless night on the beach than either of them spend trying to repent for their actions towards anyone else.

And let’s talk about Ed. Arguably this season pivots on his narrative, on his path to healing and growth. A path that starts at a very low point. His moment in the gravy basket, deciding he wants to live because there are still things to live for is so great! So one might assume that what would follow would be him pursuing those things, making amends, making connections. He and Stede have a wonderful moment, talking about being whim prone and how they’ll work to avoid that, build a relationship by going slower.

Yet, at no point do either of them stop following whims. They never heal or learn from what’s happened to them. They both keep running from thing to thing, particularly Ed. It’s a whim to sleep with Stede, it’s a whim to run off to fish, and the finale gives us just more of their whims. Ed drops fishing as fast as he picked it up. He finds those leathers in the ocean, murdering the symbolism of leaving them behind. Even the inn is a whim, one of those things Ed decided he’d be good at without evidence. And Stede joins him in that without a single on screen conversation about it ahead of the moment.

Ed needs to heal himself and to do that he needs to confront what he’s done and do the work to heal the wound. Instead, he doesn’t meaningfully apologize to anyone, besides Stede and Fang. Despite Izzy’s dying words (we’ll get to that), not only do we never see the crew caring about Ed, working to make him family in the same way they do with Fang and even Izzy, he also doesn’t choose to stay with them. So what is the point? Where is the healing? Or does even Ed, beloved main character, have to live with it all stuffed in a box?

He ends the season in the leathers he threw away, in a relationship that’s barely stabilized, going to live in a house which we are told by the narrative (in that they are very very clearly paralleling Anne and Mary with Ed and Stede or why do we even get that whole Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? episode) will only end in them setting fire to each other to stay warm.

But Vee, I hear you cry, it’s a ROM-COM. This is all meant to be ha-ha funny and you are taking it so seriously!

Cool beans. Then why the hell isn’t it funny? Healing is often filled with comedy because people deal with pain with humor. You can heal and laugh at the same time. The finale especially is almost entirely devoid of laughs, almost entirely devoid of joy until the last minute for that matter. The episode that should show off with a flourish how far everyone’s come, mostly serves to show that no one has grown.

Okay that’s Ed. I want to talk about Lucius next. Our former audience surrogate (that’s taken away in season two when he doesn’t get enough screen time to perform that role and no one takes his place) really goes through the wringer. He experiences many many terrible things, including sexual assault (which is made into a grimace-laugh line that doesn’t take away from it’s seriousness because oh hey, that can be done as it turns out). He’s nervous, he’s smoking, it’s clear he’s suffering.

There’s a beautiful moment where Pete tells him ‘hey, I was also in pain. I grieved’ and that’s great. It’s good that Pete sets a boundary about Lucius not obsessing over the past to the point of occluding their future.

We even get our comedic moment where Lucius pushes Ed off the boat (still not apology, but I’d lost hope for that by then) and that doesn’t help enough. So Izzy comes in with a shark and the advice that you just have to move on.

Just…you know. Play pretend. Forget.

Shove it in a box. Ed didn’t take my leg, a shark did. Ed didn’t kill you, a shark did. Live with the person that tried to murder you because it’s your fault you dangled your leg over the side of a boat. That is the show’s message. I thought on first watch, that surely this would also come back up and be explained that you can’t live that way, that that is no way to heal. That it would become clear that this was no way through. You cannot make everything into sharks.

Lucius can move forward and still carry pain. He can still want a meaningful apology and still want to talk to his lover about what he’s dealing with while moving forward toward a brighter future.

And what of the flirtatious promise of relationships and connections being the way to heal? Look to Oluwande and Jim, whose heartfelt romance from season one was relegated to the bins of history in favor of a narrative that made him a brother Jim once had sex with. They could have had Archie AND Oluwande, who in turn could also have Zheng, but that never seems to be an option. With a single short conversation, they are broken up with, despite a brief tease at the birthday that they still ‘dance’ together, it never actually manifests. Jim and Archie never talk about what they went through. It’s swept under the rug as fast as knives are lowered.

Lucius also no longer flirts with other people, the solution to his pain is to propose and get married (but not too married, lest we forget that they’re two men, they don’t even get to be husbands or even the more respectful mates, no. They’re mateys.) This season proposes that the only happy endings are monogamous ones, where no one talks about anything painful that went before.

To ensure that message, beyond assuring the success of Oluwande and Zheng’s relationship, Jim and Archie almost entirely disappear from the narrative. Sorry you guys were given layers of trauma and no growth and not even much to do this season, we need to make sure that everyone remembers Oluwande is the break in Zheng’s day so when he says that to her five minutes later we know exactly what he’s referencing. No time for Archie to learn what an apology is or for Jim to get one line in with Oluwande that isn’t affirming their newfound broship. Must do more flashbacks to things we just did two episodes ago!

The show even dangles the conversation of the Revenge being a safe space. Why would any of them ever feel safe when the man who tortured them is allowed to walk among them and they are expected to forgive and forget? What’s safe about that? The ship is never made safe for any of them, but that’s never addressed.

And Zheng! Amazing, hysterically funny Zheng! She loses her ships, her entire way of life, the kingdom she built for herself and then…she doesn’t even get to captain the Revenge. We don’t know what becomes of her fleet, of her plans, her ambitions. Don’t worry about it, she has a romantic partner and isn’t that what every lady wants in the end?

(But Vee, I hear you cry again, there will be a season three! Maybe it will be All About Zheng! To which I say: then why did they present us with the most series finale feeling episode ever? If there’s more, I have no idea where it’s going. BUT VEE: BUTTONS AS SEAGULL ON THE GR- Fine. It’s time.)

Let’s talk about Izzy Hands.

Izzy manages more healing than anyone else this season. He reaches his lowest point, suicidal in the bowels of a ship that’s become a prison (very much in contrast to Ed’s suicidal low). The person he loves most in the world has shredded him physically and emotionally (and if you’re in the camp that thinks Izzy deserves the abuse that Ed gave to him, I would really like you to sit quietly with yourself and ask why you think there is ever anything anyone can do to deserve that treatment). He’s low, he shoots Ed to protect everyone, and then seems to plan to drink himself to death, mourning his losses.

And then another beautiful moment! The crew move past their own pain to help him. They work together for the first time and it’s to give Izzy mobility back. He treasures it. He cries over it. He uses that kindness extended to him to reach a new understanding of Stede and help him succeed, doing the work to make real amends. He sings in drag, he’s vulnerable and beautiful, celebrating the side of himself that he must’ve loathed in the first season. He’s an elder queer man, coming into himself.

He never gets an apology though. (‘Sorry about your leg’ without eye contact is not an apology. There is no responsibility taking, no acknowledgement of the weeks of torture that came with it.) Izzy also never really has an honest conversation with anyone about what it means that the man he loves punished him so severely for the crime of trying to protect the crew (yes, lest we forget, Izzy lost his leg because he was trying to keep Ed from re-traumatizing the crew and himself).

Izzy does all this work, but even he’s not allowed to take it out of the box. It’s a shark, not Ed. Ed is just ‘complicated’ (the language of abuse here is so upsetting and I think not even intentional).

And then he dies. His last act? To apologize to the man who tortured him and shot at him. To have done all this work, to take on all the blame. And then die.

In a rom com.

This show ends in a profoundly unfunny moment of telling the audience: this is the one character that did the work, that made amends, that tried his hardest to accept the parts of himself that he had a hard time embracing and formerly embittered him. He’s fully accepted his queerness and turned it into beautiful music. He’s disabled, and he worked hard to accept that. The man he loves will never love him back, so he worked hard to make Stede able to meet Ed on an even playing field. The Giving Tree gave up its limbs and its trunk, and it’s not even allowed to be a stump to sit on.

Kill the queer elder, who has managed to figure out how to live and in his own way how to heal. Kill him before he manages to teach anyone else how to meaningfully move forward (he almost gets it with Lucius, almost, but it’s meant to be rule of three, you know. Cigarette..shark…and then…and then fuck it, Lucius doesn’t even get to say a word at his funeral).

The message of this season again and again is that there is no healing, just moving forward. Like a shark. Like a bird that never lands.

That is not a kind show.

Season two is not a kind season.

It splinters people up and jams them back together without purpose or reason. It tells everyone who experiences pain that they should shove it in a box and not deal with it. No one who really needs one gets an apology of any sincerity. No one puts in the work to gain forgiveness. (Ed wearing a onesie is not The Work. Ed fixing a door is not The Work. Ed broke people that the show wants us to care about. Ed never does the work of making those amends. He fires off a Notes app apology at best. After all, it’s what he told himself via Hornigold in the gravy basket: you move on or you blow your brains out! Good thing he took his own advice and therefore had to change nothing to get his just rewards.

I would’ve taken just fifteen minutes of Ed trying to actually make amends. It could’ve been hilarious! Imagine awkward Ed trying to dance around what he’s doing with Jim and the two of them having a knife throwing competition about it. Or him and Frenchie attempting to make music together, writing a song about the raids they went on! It’s not just the crew robbed of their healing because of this, it’s Ed himself. He never meaningfully changes or makes amends. How is he any different at the end of the finale then he is standing on the edge of that cliff with Hornigold? He hasn’t moved on, he hasn’t healed. He tried one thing (fishing) that doesn’t fucking work and then he runs right back.

No one leaves this season better than they went into it. They’ve lost an elder queer, they’ve lost their joyous and queer polyamory, they’ve lost a chance for meaningful reconciliation with Ed and Ed lost any chance of looking like he gave shit if they did. Stede grows enough to accept the crew’s beliefs as important and then leaves them behind without a care.

Izzy gets a beautiful speech about piracy being larger than yourself. Ed and Stede, within twenty minutes of that speech, leave piracy. They are incapable of giving themselves to something bigger, apparently. They haven’t learned to be a part of a community. They haven’t healed from their childhood trauma or their fresher wounds. They are still just following their own whims.

Zheng’s life work is in tatters, but it’s fine, she has love. Oluwande and Jim aren’t together, but it's fine because they both have dedicated monogamous partners. Lucius was deeply scarred by what happened, never recovers much of his first season personality, but hey he got-well it’s not married exactly- but you know good enough!

Frenchie, who has a box forever locked in his head, is captain. Because the key to success is to lock it all in a box and never open it. What a message. What a show. Conceal, don’t feel. Smile because it’s a happy ending. Don’t mourn the dead, don’t try to tell people what happened to you (they will literally run away or cry too hard to listen and really you’re just bumming them out), and any meaningful change you make is only rewarded with death.

Frenchie is now a pirate captain with a box in his head full of trauma that’s never been opened, leading a crew with more wounds than scars. Wonder how that could turn out? Wonder how many years before he might want to retire and then happen to run across a gentleman pirate. As if no one learned anything at all.

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

Ed’s Initial Intentions regarding Stede

Thank you so much for your attention to the poll. The consensus is it’s complicated - and I sort of agree - although I’m swayed towards Fascination alone.

This is my interpretation…

Stede causes Ed to access hidden or denied parts of himself before they’ve even met. And it causes a change in Ed’s behaviour. Ed’s come across many rich or aristocratic folks to rob whom he would see killed without issue; but not someone who’s also a pirate, doing their own original thing, and who seems ambivalent towards Blackbeard’s existence. It’s dopamine to Ed’s novelty-starved brain. It’s not as if Ed carries out a usual raid on the Revenge intending to kill Stede, only to find himself unexpectedly charmed. Ed’s bewitched even before he meets Stede, which means Ed’s entire approach and thought-processes are altered.

Killing Stede and the crew isn’t necessarily off the table should the need arise, but I don’t think it’s actively on in any capacity. There’s no plan, and there’s no ‘uszh’ for once either. Because none of this is uszh. Ed’s engagement with the Revenge is not his normal MO. History’s most brilliant tactician is free-styling. Possibly free-falling.

At the end of 102, Izzy states, ‘Captain says follow that ship.’ And Fang answers ‘Oh really? Why?’ To which Izzy replies, ‘How should I know? The man’s half-insane.’ This conversation shows this isn’t usual strategy. Even Fang asks why - he thought they’d seen the last of those ‘fancyboys’. And Ivan’s sad he didn’t get the chance to murder them, which seems the usual way of things. Plus they’d already had the chance to take or plunder the ship when it ran aground, so this stalking manoeuvre is out of the ordinary. It feels like wasted time and energy.

By the start of episode three, Blackbeard’s ship is a few hundred yards out from the Revenge, and Izzy’s trying to manipulate Ed into usual strategy again by suggesting opening fire, or boarding and throwing the Revenge crew to the sharks. Instead, Ed wants to wait until they make landfall and invite them aboard his ship. Ed’s doing something very different again because he’s unwittingly engaging with an unfamiliar part of himself. And interestingly ‘Go suck eggs in Hell’ appears not to insult, but to somewhat seduce him further. Before meeting Stede, he’s already out of his depth emotionally, and acting out of character, literally.

Despite what Ed would do normally, I just cannot see him landing on the Revenge with the active intent of plundering the ship and / or killing Stede and the crew. His words and actions suggest he’s already through the looking-glass.

So, to The Plan. We have three interesting moments which lead up to its revelation: the clothes swap, ‘careful of your face’ and ‘show me the ways of an aristocrat’.

For me, the three strands, which have no previous connection (other than Ed and Stede playing together), come together in Ed’s mind somewhere between Ed leaving Stede on the lookout, and Ed speaking with Izzy below: a matter of seconds. It reminds me of Keyser Söze in The Usual Suspects, pulling together disparate ideas into a cohesive story spontaneously. It’s the mind of a quick-thinker. And it’s in-keeping with Ed’s ability of reacting in the moment to the moment when necessary.

I think Ed also feels forced to perform Blackbeard for Izzy because Izzy’s threatening to leave pushes on that white father-figure emotional bruise. At this stage, Ed doesn’t have enough emotional loyalty to Stede to not voice such a plan; whilst his identity is still too caught in Izzy’s web to let him go - ‘you’re needed here’. For me, the plan to kill Stede is brought about in the moment via an act of psychological coercive control.

But Ed’s also kicking the can down the road. It’s a sort of Faustian bargain. Why not promise Izzy both their souls if it means Ed and Stede can hang out a little longer? Yet on another level Ed’s possibly hoping the debt won’t be called in, such is the complexity of the push and pull here. He’s putting it on the tab, the never-never. He’ll out-manoeuvre it if he decides that’s what he wants. Of course there’s doublethink going on because Ed’s in the middle of an identity crisis.

Ed daren’t admit his real reason for wanting to stay on the Revenge. He can’t comprehend himself even how deep this goes. His look as he turns is one of exhaustion and confusion. Stede Bonnet has him rattled. What started as a trickle of unease and ennui before they’d even met is now a whirlpool of unidentifiable feelings around both Stede, and Ed’s own perception of self.

Ed’s free-falling in liminal space.

[blakbonnet]

*DRUM ROLL* This AOTW is the podfic edition of our beloved weekend celebration of great artists in this fandom, and our featured artist this week is none other than @lindie-kninjaknitter ✨ If you're a lover of podfics, you've definitely heard at least one of Lindie's 265 fics either on your commute or because their voice is just so calming. Lindie also agreed to answer some questions for me:

Let's start with the technical: what are the programs you use to create your lovely podfics?

I use GarageBand to record with a ShureMV7 microphone, and I use Audacity for processing and post on SoundCloud.

How did you get into podficcing? Is this the first fandom you've tried it for?

I got into podfic making I knew what a podfic was. The story “No One Would Riot For Less” by sacrificethemtothesquid was a retelling of season one from Ed’s POV. I couldn’t put it down. So I recorded into the Voice Memos on my phone so I could take it with me on walks. When I found out that this was something that people do, I asked the author for permission to post and they said yes, and with the encouragement of some generous kind pirates in the comments I recorded more.

What made you fall in love with narrating stories?

This is the only fandom I’ve recorded although after I did a few stories, I auditioned for some books on audible and have recorded two stories there. It was not as rewarding or enjoyable as recording fanfiction. I love that the audio out there helps people in the ways it does. Folks tell me they listen while they do boring tasks or enjoyable art or their commute. I feel like I get to sit in the corner of a room in so many peoples lives, reading these awesome stories and it makes me very happy.

Any tips for beginners who wants to give podficcing a shot?

Tips for beginners! There are some good resources on AO3, the sapphires project, tree change project… These were designed to try to support new podfic makers as well as get those stories to audio. But I think the most important thing is find a story you want to live in! Something you really, really love, and then record it on your phone or whatever you have. I didn’t have a microphone until I started Hell or High Water.

Sound quality wise the two big things you need to do are to get your voice through a recording device and onto your DAW (digital work station – mine is GarageBand) While at the same time, eliminating other noises as much as possible. Echo is not your friend so a bathroom is your worst option… a place with soft walls blankets carpet on the floor in a quiet corner works great. Or a closet.

What is your favourite podfic that you've narrated?

My favorite podfic is which ever one I’m working on right now! There are some I am particularly proud of the vocal performance. Throat G.O.A.T. stands out… Constellationism, Baddy Zaddy have such sense of place! Captive of the Pirate King was the first one in which I really felt part of a community. I’ve made… 260 so far… each one was my favorite as I worked on it!

What are your personal challenges when it comes to narrating podfics?

I always want to do more than I can reasonably actually record. In choosing one it means I’m unchoosing several others.

I have dyslexia… sometimes I cannot get into the flow of reading which is frustrating.

There are some topics and materials I find difficult to narrate. Often that discomfort is offset by many other things that I love about a story and so I will narrate them anyway.

When I am approaching difficult material, I do a lot of journaling. I take breaks. I record sentences in pieces, then stitch it together and I am pretty sure you can’t tell in the finished recording.

We have a wonderful community of narrators who are there to listen and help each other with things like this.

Why OFMD? 🥹

Why OFMD? I think the underlying story of figuring yourself out later in life really appeals to me. I see myself in many of the characters, Ed, Stede, Jim, Izzy, Lucius… This story and the crew have really helped me understand myself better… feel less broken? (Chapter 25 baby!!!) feel less of an outsider? To recognize that parts of myself that I’ve had to tone down my whole life are worthy of being loud about.

Please head on over to @ofmdlovelyletters to leave your love for Lindie 💕

[o-wild-west-wind]

okay, here’s my actual thoughtful post: I get why people are upset about the finale…I really do. but I want to mention that there’s a bigger picture to this story that’s missing if you’re zooming too close onto Izzy as a character, and I’m honestly so grateful that the show stuck to the thematic arc it introduced in season 1 because, as per usual, it’s about the themes 🤌 and this show never skimps on the symbolism!!

so here’s the thing: the primary themes are toxic masculinity (& it’s opposite, queer joy); trauma; love as a healing force for the above; and, title alert—DEATH. because it’s so much more than a cool title!

now, Izzy has always represented something metaphorical about all of these points; most directly, he’s always represented masculinity, and s2 has been an arc of toxicity deconstruction. but crucially, he’s also represented all that for Ed, who is the deuteragonist of this show. because—don’t forget—Stede and Ed are the show.

I’ve always doubted myself for feeling this after seeing how fandom saw Izzy as a third romantic figure (which like by all means have a blast in your fanfics I don’t care it’s about joy at the end of the day and pursue that as you want to), but after hearing something about djenks referring to Izzy as a father figure, it confirms a major point for me—Izzy is also in a lot of ways a parallel to Ed’s dad, and a representation of the trauma and guilt Ed felt from that formative killing. for so long, Izzy was an aggressive shadow in Ed’s life, and a tangible reminder of those daddy issues—someone telling him what to do, keeping him Blackbeard—and the beautiful thing is how that changed this season, how Izzy became a version of masculinity that could love and be beautiful and make good from the hurt, the literal poison into positivity. someone antithetical to his own paternalistic force, healing our daddy issues one drag show at a time. BUT, Izzy is still thematically representative within Ed’s arc—and by also representing the trauma that made Ed “Blackbeard,” it does make smart writing sense as to why Izzy died (NOT saying you can’t be sad about it—stick with me for a moment).

because here’s the thing—as aforementioned, this show is also about DEATH. killing is the root of everyone’s trauma, and reconciling a relationship with death is the ultimate arc Ed and Stede are both on, with the ultimate path of learning to live despite its inevitability. there’s a reason it was such a huge thing that Ed couldn’t personally kill, and then in this episode killed so many people with his bare hands in the name of love—and there’s a reason that was framed as a good thing. and there’s also Ed’s (and arguably Stede’s) active suicidality, which has been a huge force driving this season. these are characters who see death as this all-consuming thing, and they see their own deaths as the only solution. death is the traumatic force driving almost everything about their being for so long—and its reconciliation is everything for them, the greatest sign of growth. so Izzy’s death, and everyone beginning again with love—healing each other with love—is a cap to it all. it’s death as a positive force, for once. it’s death as love, not trauma. it’s death as something that will always happen, but this time not forced by your own hand. it’s a death to everything toxic, to what “Blackbeard” represented, and all the while a sort of rebirth. it’s kind of a death to…death? it’s functionally like the real physical moon replacing the giant romantic imaginary orb: it’s taking the thing that’s been artificially morphed in Stede and Ed’s heads and making it real this time, with all the bittersweet emotions that come with tangible reality.

and honestly, I’m glad that it was tragic and emotional. I didn’t think I’d be so devastated to see Izzy die, but it really did get to me, especially because of everything he said to Ricky and then to Ed. but think of it this way: Izzy and Ed might be romantically compelling because they were toxic and charged (and I hope people still enjoy everything they get from that dynamic in fan work), but imagine if the show had actually gone in that direction—where would it take us thematically? it would kill the thesis; it would be love as chaos and entertainment, but not healing. instead, this show gave us something so much more powerful: a legitimate, fully-fleshed trauma arc.

trauma hurts. Izzy’s death hurts. but that’s okay. that’s great, actually! it means the storytelling was effective—that Izzy’s arc made you feel something. and i know this won’t be every viewer’s experience, but honestly? I’m glad I can have this grieving process in such a beautifully framed light in the safe space ship of this show, because let’s be real—death, real life death, fucks you up. and let me tell you, I could’ve used this show during so many episodes of grief in my life. but here it is now, reminding us that our grief and trauma doesn’t define us—and WHAT a powerful thing for queer love, especially, to be presented as the thing that heals us all. ESPECIALLY when so much grief and death in this community is woven so deeply with the trauma of our identity.

so grieve as you need to, but don’t forget to turn the poison into positivity 💛 because that’s what the show is telling us—choose live, despite!

[attractive-nuisance-esq]

Ed’s journey this season is going to perfectly mirror addiction and recovery, and I am so fucking here for it. Watching these first three episodes of S2 was like watching a highly dramatized AU of my own descent into rock bottom (except everyone was dressed wayyyyyy cooler than I ever was), so I have a lot of thoughts, reactions, and insights that I want to share with other fans. I’m sure many of us who have struggled with our mental health connected with Ed in these episodes, but I think addiction is the most appropriate lens through which to view him because addicts (more often than people who struggle with other mental illnesses) so wholly destroy their own lives and utterly devastate those of their loved ones. I want to share - from the perspective of someone who has steered her own ship straight into a storm and woke up alone to face some very hard choices - what is going on with Ed at the start of this season and what I think is coming.

Let me start by saying that Ed isn’t literally addicted to any one thing, despite his heavy use of drugs and alcohol, but his goal is the same as that of all addicts: escape. He does not want to sit with the pain of Stede leaving him on an immediate, surface level; on a deeper, more habitual level, he doesn’t want to sit with the pain of his own self-loathing. Of course the two are related: the former brings the latter to a head. Stede abandoning him dredges up and brightly illuminates all of his insecurities, and now Ed has to run. Get out. Escape. Don’t think about it. So he is fighting, stealing, drinking, snorting, shooting, killing - whatever it takes to not think about it.

“Demon? I’m the fuckin’ devil.” People in recovery often talk about addiction as if it were a separate, sentient monster living within them. Ed taking on the mantle of demon - a creature known specifically for possession, for removing the host’s free will - is intentional. So is his insistence that he’s not just any demon but the demon. The worst there is. (More on that when we get to The Innkeeper.)

Izzy’s confrontation of Ed in the captain’s cabin and then on deck is a form of intervention. Izzy is trying to help Ed, but of course this goes terribly for him and for Ed because interventions (I cannot stress this enough) are maybe the worst thing you could do to an addict. All addicts know things are bad, but they cannot be pushed to change one single second before they’re ready. Ed knows things are bad. He’s well-aware of how he’s spending his time, how his crew feels about him, how disappointed Izzy is. Being confronted with all of those truths by Izzy was always only going to make him do two things: 1) dig further into his unhealthy coping mechanisms, never mind that they don’t have nearly the effect that they used to; and 2) lash out at the person who forced him to think about it. Izzy lost his leg the moment he stepped into Ed’s cabin.

The impossible bird. You guys remember the song Chandelier by Sia? The one about her addiction to alcohol? The whole thing may as well come right out of Ed’s mouth at the end of that first episode, because that experience is exactly what he’s trying to convey to Frenchie. Nevermind that Frenchie has the temerity to tell him the bird can’t exist, that it has to come down sometime, that flying forever isn’t sustainable. The bird can come down on its own terms, or crash… but Frenchie’s definitely not going to say that much. Still, “that sounds like something that can’t exist” hits Ed, and leads us to the next episode.

Now we’ve got Ed forlorn, heartbroken, almost catatonic while playing with his cake toppers. We don’t actually see him crying in the opening of the episode, which is the point. He’s done crying now. The impossible bird can’t exist, and Ed has already resigned himself to this. He’s decided to die. The only sure-fire permanent way to not think about it.

When next we see Ed, he seems to be doing better, but this is a huge red flag for anyone who knows to look. He’s giving away his responsibility to Frenchie; he’s cleaning the cabin for the closure. He knows the end is coming fast, and the relief that knowledge brings him leaves him weirdly at peace. It is he eeriest part of these episodes, IMO.

Then he goes to find his first mate, the person who knows him better than anyone else in the world, the man he just fucking shot and ordered killed. Ed needs his low opinion of himself validated, and of course he thinks he’ll get it from Izzy after everything he’s done to him. He wants the one person who has stuck with him through everything to confirm that he’s now irretrievably broken and no longer worthy of his love. Ed wants someone to tell him that he’s right: he should die.

He doesn’t get that from Izzy. Interestingly, Izzy doesn’t tell him he should die. He says “Clean up your own mess.” Izzy has learned the lesson now that Ed isn’t ready to get better and that he can’t make him be ready. (This post isn’t about Izzy, but hoo boy - I have big feels about that man.)

Ed has been indulging in various forms of self-destruction in order to not feel his feelings, and steering the ship into the storm is his worst indulgence yet. This is the worst of his crimes - not beheading or arson or a red wedding. It’s when he tries to bring down everyone who has ever loved him into his misery, into believing what he believes. The audience generally (and Ed’s audience of Stede specifically) can forgive him for hurting strangers and for the non-specific mayhem whose victims we’ve never met; but it is much less certain that anyone will forgive him for hurting the only family he’s ever known.

The storm itself is the perfect metaphor for Ed’s attempt on his and, incidentally, everyone else’s lives. One of the most common metaphors used by friends and family members of addicts is that of a hurricane: that their addicted loved-ones tend to destroy everything they touch, anyone who was foolish or brave enough to stick around. And, like hurricanes, addicts aren’t malicious. Ed’s primary goal here is to get himself killed, not to kill everyone else. He wants the ship to go down so his death is certain. His firing a cannonball into the mast and asking Jim and Archie to fight to the death isn’t malice: it’s utter and complete nihilism. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing and no one. The end is near, and he’s so fucking drunk and high off these distractions that he couldn’t think about it if he tried. He’s manic with relief. (See also: “Finally.”)

And now for the finale: Purgatory. Buckle up, because this is where the addiction analogy gets real *chef’s kiss.* Purgatory is the equivalent of the morning after the worst, most rock bottom binge night of your life. You wake up with no one for company but the ghosts of your former selves. Now what?

Well, first - who is Hornigold to Ed? Why is he the guy Ed sees? It’s because Hornigold is another addict, if you will, but one who is (in this Purgatory hallucination) farther along in his recovery. He can impart some wisdom from that place, but he can also stand in as someone Ed can loathe because they’re not as different as Ed once thought, even if Hornigold can say he’s grown.

Hornigold tries to give him soup. He tells Ed, “Gotta get these nutrients into you,” and then literally shoves soup down his throat. That’s what it’s like in rock bottom. You don’t want to take care of yourself, but some lizard brain survival instinct takes over and makes you drink water, eat a piece of fruit, take yourself to the hospital. These things don���t really happen voluntarily that morning after, but you can still count on that instinct to kick in with some damage control.

Ed telling Hornigold how he “got here.” Hornigold says “Mutiny. It’s always mutiny.” Ed insists his mutiny was special, worse somehow. This whole scene is exactly what happens in your first recovery support group meeting. You go in thinking no one has ever been as fucked and fucked up as you are, which makes you feel isolated and alone. But then you get there and everyone else in the circle has done the same shit, been through the same shit. Ed’s not actually the devil; he’s just another demon, like many demons before him.

Ed worries he’s insane when he reflects on everything he’s done. Hornigold’s reply that “Feeling bad isn’t going to rebuild an abdominal wall” is a concept that people usually learn a little bit later in recovery, so I expect we’ll see more on this theme from Ed. Guilt is a useless emotion that only serves to conversely make the addict feel better but doesn’t help the harmed party: the addict feels like their suffering is cleansing, but it’s not - feeling guilt is just more self-indulgence, more self-destruction. Hornigold - a fellow addict in this moment - is trying to get this lesson to him early. It’ll return.

“You’ve got to move on or blow your brains out.” We’re getting back to Purgatory as the metaphor for the morning-after rock bottom, because this is the exact calculation that every person in recovery has done. They all had to answer that one big question. Your whole life is a mess, and you made the mess. Do you want to clean it up? Or quit? (Or make some soup? Yeah. That big question can’t be answered without basic needs having been met. So let’s eat. Let’s start there. It’s easier.)

Now we have Ed’s fantasy about opening an inn: This is also a common part of the morning-after rock bottom. You start thinking about the wrong turns you took, the mistakes you made, the way your life was supposed to go and all the reasons you’re not where you wanted to be. (And all the people you can blame for the fact that your life didn’t go as planned.) And when that honest part of yourself starts telling you that actually it’s all your fault… well, a) you don’t wanna hear it, and b) you can’t silence (kill) that monster, no matter how hard you try. You’ve got to face it. Face all those truths you’ve been running from for years. Now you have to think about it.

So now the big question, the inevitable math. Hornigold suggests looking at the pros and the cons. That’s the easiest way to break the calculation into manageable variables. This is probably my favorite moment of the episode, because when you’re sitting there, morning after the worst night of your life, everything is fucked - these are the exact variables that go into your equation. Do I really want to live? You ask yourself that, and because your life is in fucking shambles, you come up with the stupidest goddamn reasons to keep going. You wanna see the next seasons of Good Omens and Loki. You wanna eat your mom’s spaghetti again. Sometimes it’s nice when someone hugs you. It’s never the big things that save your life; it’s a bunch of the littlest things. The smallest comforts. The big things… they’re too unattainable. They’re too much to hope for, and they’re more than you could possibly deserve. What are the pros of living for Ed? Warmth, good food, orgasms. This is a stunningly accurate representation of the things that will keep you alive once you’ve hit rock bottom.

And then the cons: “I don’t think anyone is waiting for me.” This is why addiction is the better metaphor. There is no human experience more isolating than addiction. You are alone in more ways than you’ve ever been before. You have pushed away or pissed off everyone who ever cared about you. And even the ones who will maybe still be there for you - they can’t help you clean up the mess you’ve made. You have to do the work alone, even if they’re still willing to stand next to you. And this con… it’s the scariest one. Your list of little pros looks so pathetic next to the horror of being utterly fucking alone. Who is going to brave that for some stupid shit like Tom Hiddleston sexily flipping his hair back in that Loki way he does? Why should Ed carry on just because blankets are cozy and marmalade is pleasant?

This is where we get to the moment on the mountain, and what Stede represents. Hornigold tells Ed “You’re unlovable, and you’re afraid to do anything about it.” Ed could do two things about being unlovable: He could try to fix it, or he could end it all. Hornigold represents the worst part of Ed: his weaknesses and cowardice. And if Hornigold is in the driver’s seat, he’s going to end it all. He throws the rock off the cliff, and Ed gets dragged down into the water to drown. (Let’s also talk later about how often addiction is compared to drowning, and how nothing else in the show actually threatened Ed’s life - not Izzy with a gun, not all the rhino horn, not Jim’s cannonball - like drowning in his own mind.)

But then there’s Stede. Stede is how the pros win over that one big, horrifying con. Stede is hope. Stede is just a glimmer of hope. Hope is the most important thing you need in the morning-after rock bottom. As much as I enjoy the idea that it was love that saved Ed, I don’t think that’s a wholly faithful interpretation. Because Stede’s love for Ed doesn’t solve anything, doesn’t fix anything - it certainly doesn’t fix Ed. It cannot fix Ed. Hornigold just told Ed that he’s the one who has to “do something about it,” because Ed is the only one who can save himself. But even if Stede’s love for him in itself isn’t what saves Ed, Ed’s trust in Stede combined with that love gives him hope. Stede loves Ed, truly loves him, came back to him even though he knows Ed’s nature, knows his list of crimes, knows what he’s done to Stede’s friends and family. And maybe Ed can find in himself what he trusts Stede truly sees. It’s a “maybe,” not a certainty. But it’s hope. Someone loves him. Maybe he can love himself, too.

This Woman’s Work: I read this song as referring more appropriately to Ed’s relationship with himself, in no small part because Ed literally made himself the woman in the cake topper couple. All the things that should have been done, should have been said - they’re things Ed needs to do and say to himself. He’s got a little life and a lot of strength left. The journey has just begun.

I want to pop back quickly to a few other moments in The Innkeeper that resonated, starting with Stede and Izzy’s discussion about what happened to Ed: “He went mad. He was a wild dog.” Izzy describes Ed’s breakdown as if he was no longer the same person he once was; this is exactly what addiction does to a person. Ed hasn’t been himself; he’s been held hostage by his need for escape, and he’s become something else. Possessed, if you will.

Izzy: “You and me did this to him, and we can’t let the crew suffer any more for our mistakes.” I’m not writing an essay on Izzy (yet), but this is a very interesting perspective that says a lot about Izzy. Stede and Izzy both owe apologies to Ed, but they are not responsible for his actions. I predict we’re going to see this theme explored in later episodes as a part of Ed’s healing process and recovery. And also hopefully in Izzy’s growth.

Frenchie’s line that “We’ve been living second-to-second for a while now” is a callback to the impossible bird idea. Which, again, is just Chandelier x Sia. “I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes, keep my glass full until morning light ‘cause I’m just holding on for tonight.”

So what’s next? For me, it was learning to sit alone in a quiet room with my thoughts. It was apologizing to the ones I hurt, because even if I didn’t mean to hurt them - even if I was suffering also and worse - they still got hurt, and in the end it didn’t matter why. It was developing the habit of liking myself, and acting on whatever self-love and affection I could conjure up. And yes… it was new seasons of Good Omens and Loki, my mom’s spaghetti, and hugs.

So I think Ed has a lot of accountability, reflection, and breaking of old habits in his future… but also warmth, good food, and orgasms. And good for him. That’s the beauty of recovery: we get to come back.

[apples-and-heartbreak]

I feel like when I’m reading or watching something, for me to like a hero, they have to

1) have ambition about anything

2) not be annoying

3) not excuse their shitty behaviour with their shitty childhood

4) not be so self-righteous they don’t see their own flaws

For these reasons I hate with a burning passion Jace Herondale, Clary Fairchild, Eli Ever, Tiberius “Cal” Calore VIII, Dean Winchester, and Legend/Dante Santos

Jace is constantly doing something shitty in every book and people don’t care and they just put up with it for some reason. In CoG he belittles Clary because he wants to push her away but keeps coming back to her. He also keeps coming onto Clary when he thought she was his sister and said that cursed sentence in CoG that I need to bleach from my brain. I know if he said that shit to me I would’ve punched him in his stupid face cuz who does he think he is? He mocks the werewolves after they lost a child in their pack, he’s just awful to Alec at times, he doesn’t seem to understand there are consequences to his actions and just does shit because he wants to. He had the emotional maturity of a dried up pinecone.

Clary also does so much shit and people don’t call her out because she’s the protagonist and she just lets Jace do whatever to her because he’s hot. Girl please get a grip. She slut shames Izzy because apparently women aren’t allowed to have a sex life or wear revealing clothing 😒 girl you kissed someone you thought was YOUR BROTHER!! She dated Simon to get over Jace and then kissed Jace in the Seelie Court, and repeatedly thought about Jace in a romantic sense WHILE she thought they were SIBLINGS! I can’t.

Eli is so self-righteous, annoying and hypocritical. He uses God and religion as an excuse to kill innocent people which is just disgusting. Like I get that he thinks being an EO changed a person because Victor became different but he is an EO himself and he just takes it on himself to murder innocent people for simply existing.

Cal has no desire to do anything, at least up to the beginning of King’s Cage he doesn’t (where I currently am). He knows how poorly the Reds are being treated and he doesn’t want to change anything because (and I’m paraphrasing) there would be outrage among the Silvers and a war would break out. Bitch you are already at war! He’s the reason why so many innocent young Reds have lost their lives fighting in a war they have no say in. He sees the Scarlet Guard killing Silvers and he doesn’t try to stop them. He sulks and whines but doesn’t take any real action, which he could if he actually wanted to. He stalks around the camp like Mare’s dog and thinks he’s better than everyone.

Dean Winchester is an abusive asshole. He locked Sam in the cellar when he was addicted to demon blood when he knew the withdrawal could kill him. He shit on Sam for being manipulated. He’s made horrible perverted jokes about women, might I remind y’all of the high school episode (he was at least 26 at the time). He guilted Sam for leaving him in Hell and Purgatory when he did THE EXACT SAME THING when Same went to the cage. He threatened Kaia, a teenager at gun point for his own selfish purposes. He abused Jack til the very end, yelling that he wasn’t family when Jack had sacrificed his soul and life for the Winchesters, and made Jack hate himself for being born. He was shitty to Cas in so many seasons and didn’t care that Cas just went through seeing his son die and wasn’t able to save him. He violated Sam’s body by tricking him into letting Gadreel in which led to the death of Kevin and had the audacity to think he was wronged.

Dante is shit. Julian, his brother, lived with him for centuries, followed him wherever he went and loved him unconditionally. All Julian asked was for Dante to love him back, which he never did. When Julian finally found someone who loved him, Dante made fun of him. And then in the next book he gives up his immortality for Tella, a girl he has known for literal months at most. He didn’t love his brother, who has been with him since the beginning, enough to give up his immortality but he loved this random girl he has known for a couple months at most to give it all up?? Tella should’ve left him in the dust just like she did Jacks and went off on adventures by herself and met someone that wasn’t a twat.

[maximwtf]

Hii, I love your writing smmm!!!

Idk if you're still accepting requests but if you are, there was a new bts photo of Izzy's back and I was wondering if you could write about it? Maybe he's ashamed of his scars and the reader accidentally sees them? I know you like angst so I think this would be absolutely perfect for you :3

Izzy Hands x Reader

Words: 1960

Google docs pages: 3

Warnings: Description of scarring from a whip, yk the usual. Oh yeah, and french reader

Opening: The scars on Izzy’s back didn’t get any attention in s2 so being sweet to him about them is up to you. 

AN// Reader can be any gender! I’m putting these two requests together, due to them being similar. I’m also adding in the 3rd request because it’s been sitting in my inbox, I can’t see myself writing a whole fanfic for it and I think I could slide some of the content from there to this fic! But thank you so much for these requests, I had a blast with this one (for obvious reasons) and I hope yall like this too!!<33

“If you’d been happier not knowing”

Izzy usually hid any relations you had with him from the rest of the crew, at times you doubted if Edward even knew what was going on with you and his first mate. But the man was a rather private person, and didn’t like sharing whatever you had with him with others. Though, for an example he never paid no mind to you sleeping in his quarters, sometimes only asking if anyone had seen you enter the cabin. So you went along with his way of handling the unspoken relationship. Unspoken, as in neither of you had ever said out loud where you stood. One kiss in the past, and from there you’d been close like an old married couple, yet neither of you brought up what you wanted to call it. But at this point, it felt like you didn’t have to. Being with the grumpy first mate felt natural, even if anyone in the crew would disagree with that being possible. 

Though, as many nights and days as you’d spent with the man, you knew there were still things about him that even you didn’t know about. Sure, he rarely talked about his feelings and you knew about that to a certain level. But you found yourself often wondering about his past; where he’d come from and what his past on the sea had been like earlier. Since you had only met him after joining Blackbeard’s crew, and by then the first mate had been alongside the black bearded man for years. But even when he was slightly buzzed, he never stumbled upon talking about his past. The most you knew was of their former captain, Hornigold. But of those times neither of them rarely spoke of, which to your demise made you even more intrigued. 

But of course you knew the man well enough to not go and start asking him questions such as those straight away, out of nowhere. Even if it was just the two of you, you bet he’d lie to you. Maybe to save your ears from whatever he was hiding, or to save himself from having to remember. Neither of the options sounding too pleasant.

So as much as you wanted to get closer to him and know more about the man, you left it up for him. Left it until he would eventually tell you more about himself. After all, life at the sea from a young age like him could have caused him to see a thing or two before becoming the person he was today. The sea wasn’t a kind place to live, especially for a young pirate. And from the stories you’d heard of Hornigold, being raised from a boy to a man in a crew like his must have been anything but pleasant at times. 

So, the night you came to find more of the first mate had come as a surprise. Almost making you wish the topic would have come around in a different way. 

You didn’t spend each night in his quarters, knowing the man didn’t want to make the relationship known to everyone on the ship. Though, this night was one of those where you kept tossing and turning. Keeping your eyes shut felt almost impossible, and your chest ached for the company of someone. And you knew well who that was, Izzy. You also knew that he was most certainly still awake, no matter the late hour of the night. How he still always managed to be up before everyone else, you did not know. 

So you got up from the hammock, checking that no one else was around and made your way to his quarters. The ship was quiet as always at night, only the sound of snoring coming through the walls every now and then. But the further you walked, the more silent even that became. 

The door was quiet, the closing of it only making a faint sound. You turned from the door to find the man you’d been looking for. Though, that action caused you to see something he’d never shown you before. His back, bare. Old scars running across his back, both sides of his shoulder blades to his lower back, bruised with what you could only guess had been a whip. From a cat o’ nine tails. 

Your hand moved over your mouth on its own, covering the saddened frown from your lips, yet leaving your eyes uncovered with compassion flaming in them. And as long as this moment had felt like, it snapped broken as the man turned to face you. The expression on his face telling you everything you needed to know. He hadn’t meant to show that to you. The shame and a hint of something resembling anger almost made you turn around and leave. But you didn’t, you couldn’t. Not now that you knew. 

Your hand fell from your mouth, carefully reaching out to the man sitting in the faint light of a lantern. “Izzy-”, you gasped out, not sure what to say, as he hadn’t spoken his mind yet. “Get out.” The first mate muttered, hand searching for his shirt in the dark of the room, the movement rather panicked. You bit your lower lip, wanting to do as he said but also having a feeling that it wouldn’t actually help anyone. “No, I can’t. Not now.” You ended up protesting against his command, and to your surprise the man sitting on the bed with his gaze on his feet didn’t say anything against it. 

“Mon chéri…” You started again, voice a little softer this time. You felt his eyes scan your form, turning his gaze away from you as soon as he noticed that you’d been looking back at him. As he usually did when he was upset. 

You frowned, walking over to the bed and carefully sitting down to the very edge of it. Just in case he wanted to shoo you away still. Though you believed for him to not do so, seeing as your last comment had gotten him to ease out a little. “Sans toi, je ne suis rien. So please, talk to me.” You almost whispered, that being the last hope you had of getting the man to talk to you. If he felt like it. 

You’d been about to place your hand on his shoulder, but he’d turned around just in time for you to pull back swiftly. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, somehow his expression turning back to normal for a moment. “Wasn’t careful enough and a wild cat attacked me from the back. Nothing more.” He said, eyes moving away from you yet again. He was lying, of course he was. 

You stayed silent for a moment, just as he had done earlier. He seemed to have some kind of walls around him to protect himself from harm concerning the scarring. Which you understood, but it hurt to watch him have to make up stories to replace the real events from his mind. “Mon licorne, you don’t have to tell me. But I would like to know.” Your hand rose again, this time making contact with the man’s shoulder. He visibly tensed up for a moment, the touch on his bare skin so foreign to the man. “No need to dwell in the past, dear.” Izzy said, feeling as he sideyed you for a reaction. Your eyes stayed on him, hand slowly moving to the first mate’s upper back, carefully tracing the very tip of one of the scars. Izzy almost pulled away, but froze and leaned back to where he’d sat before. “I wanted to tell you, to show you what you would  be signing up for.” He started, voice low in tone. You listened, not interrupting him. “But I couldn’t find it in me to do so in the end.” A sight left him after that, seemingly finished with whatever he’d wanted to say. 

You hadn’t even noticed the way you’d started chewing on your inner lip, holding back a pained frown from appearing on your face. “I apologise for barging in, then.” You replied, hand carefully tracing the scar from the middle of his back to the other end of the scar. He sat still, allowing you to do so. “Got in a bit of trouble on Hornigold’s ship.” Izzy commented, seemingly knowing and remembering exactly which scar you’d traced. You stayed silent, eyes scanning the scars next to the one you’d touched. The others near it must’ve been from the same whip. But there was another bundle of scars on the other side of his back, seemingly from another time. Those were deeper, and from the look of it done by someone not keen on the man. 

You reached for the other scars, gently tracing the one closest to you. He tensed up a little, making you unconsciously place your free hand on his forearm for comfort. To your surprise he raised his own hand, placing it on top of yours. “The Royal Navy caught onto us.” He said, breaking the silence that had creeped its way between the two of you. You traced the scar to the very end of it, leaning back after to look at him. “Did you think I would leave if I knew?” You asked carefully, but the air wasn’t tense even after the question. It rarely was with just the two of you. His eyes looked into yours as he thought of what to say. He’d been more afraid of you realising why he was the way he was if you knew. He didn’t care for how they looked, no one could see them through his clothes. But like this he was vulnerable. But now that didn’t matter. “Maybe. But that’s in the past by now.” He said, a sigh leaving him as his shoulders relaxed. You tried to smile, for his sake. “I care for you, and if you seemed happier not knowing, I couldn’t have done that to you.” He added, his eyes staying on yours as he spoke. 

You didn’t know if that was the truth, but it didn’t matter. For one night, all of this had been enough for the both of you. If he had more secrets, he would come to you and open up if he needed. And now he knew that. You tilted your head, the hand from his shoulder moving to the nape of his neck as you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Je t’aime, Izzy.” You could only whisper after pulling away ever so slightly. 

The ship swayed gently as you watched him look at you with what you knew was his way of showing love. He might have not been a man of many loving words, but hearing you speak your own first language to him melted something that had been casted in layers of ice within him for a long time. He leaned his head against your hand. 

Translations: mon chéri: my dear, mon licorne: my unicorn, sans toi, je ne suis rien: without you, I’m nothing

AN// Sorry if there is any delay with recent requests, I’ve fallen into a TADC Caine coma and cannot think of anything but that floating pair of dentures.

[edwardbabygirlteach]

Some thoughts on Izzy and why I’m sad people hate him so much without any consideration to his character history and the theme of the show.

Like don’t get me wrong, I understand the Izzy we have seen so far is…rough to say the least.

But here's the thing. We know that in season 2 we're going to get a lot of good character development from him, and I'm very excited about this.

“Izzy goes on a remarkable journey this season” says O'Neill. "He understands what love is and whom he's in love with."

“it's been quite demanding to be playing a man enraged by unrequited love, who's basically a hopeless romantic,"

Izzy is clearly struggling with some internalized issues. Internalized homophobia probably being one of them.

He's struggling with the fact he's devoted everything he has every day to Blackbeard. He doesn't understand why Ed is suddenly this open and emotionally available person for Stede, he doesn't know why stede gets that side of Ed and he never has.

Even Ivan points it out when he says “This is the most open and available I've ever seen him"

Im not saying Izzy's actions so far in the show are to be ignored or excused by any means but I think Izzy is dealing with emotions he was never taught how to deal with, how to recognize or even made to feel like he was allowed to feel them. I think we can kind of assume Izzy was raised to be a"man's man" and not to be "soft”

Even David Jenkins has said himself “a lot of what were taught about being a man is wrong"

What we're going to be seeing in season 2 is Izzy realizing this. Just as we've seen Ed and Stede processing through something similar in season 1 though maybe not as extreme. They were both raised by shit fathers who made it a point to tell them that being soft or gentle is a bad thing. That enjoying the gentler things in life is Un masculine. Like Stede's love for picking flowers, Or Ed's love for fine fabrics.

This is clearly something that real people struggle with in the real world everyday. What it means to be a Man, to be masculine.

I guess all in all what I'm trying to say is that yeah Izzy has been a shitty person for the most part so far, but he's dealing with a lot and trying to process through it. Like a lot of real people do on a day to day basis.

This show is about breaking the mold. It's about grabbing toxic masculinity and ripping it apart and throwing it in the trash.

It's sad to me so many people are quick to just toss Izzy aside like a one dimensional character who doesn't have his own trauma and pain. I think we’ve all made mistakes in life, things we wish we had known better than to do or say but just didn’t know any better of at the time. We should all be allowed to grow and learn and become better versions of ourselves.

Anyways, Thanks for coming to my izzy hands character development Ted Talk. I can’t say when I first watched the show that I thought I’d ever be an izzy fan but the more I dig into his character and the more I see fandom interpretations of him the more he grows on me.

[fishgir12]

Character ask game for Mateo and Logan???

Mateo and Logan!! Woo!!

Logan first cause she’s the best ever actually

GOD THIS CHARACTER IS SOOO. So many feelings with her she’s the best ever she solos all of them but sometimes I just have to sit back and sigh. Especially that part where she asked Astrid why are you like that COMPLETELY out of line I think she deserved all that came after that. So so many thoughts but I mean i think the amount I talk abt her says enough I personally think im one of her number one fans if not number one but that’s just me!! Also relate to her alot she’s not 100% me but I relate to so many aspects of her she’s prob #2 on that list

Romantic pairings

BeastlyPerfection!! Astrid and Logan!! God they’re so peak, from starting off as being rivals and then slowly bonding over shared interests OH MY GOD ITS PEAAAK. Not much to say but they take up a lot of my head. Def my fav canon pairing #yuri4life

Copiedbeat…my pride my joy. I mean not to be bias but it’s my fav non cannon ship. I made them on my own when I thought it would be funny if Logan liked the clone of her best friend and then I got a concussion almost the same day LMAO. I thought it was a sign from the universe and they’ve just evolved from there on out. They’re my peak and I think about them every day

Non canon

LOGAN AND IZZIE OOOH MY GOD!! They’re!! The best friends ever!! When logan stayed behind to be doom domed with her to make sure she was ok and to make sure she was safe oh 😢😢 I think about them so so much

Cooper and Logan… I mean come on they’re really fun friends. Lesbian and gay friendships always last long

Mateo and Logan I think they would bully and tease each other constantly and they def aren’t best friends but they are for sure getting there!! Or at least friends for now

Unpopular opinion- some people only care about Logan’s character when it comes to ships and it’s really easy to see when that’s that case

Wish- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LOGANS HOME LIFE. I relate to her in the sense where my parents love me and we have our moments but they work so much I don’t see them much and idk I think seeing that with Logan would heal me personally!! Plus I have so many thoughts on her moms I need to know if I’m right or not in how I think they are

Mateo.

Ok buckle up um I have. Thoughts on this kid. Least fav of the dream chasers unfortunately sorry guys. DOESNT MEAN. I DONT LIKE HIM. I like him a ton!! I like him enough where I dressed up as him for Halloween. There’s just a lot I don’t like about him that just weighs him down compared to the others. But other than that he’s chill!

Romantic ships

COOPER AND MATEO GOOOD. Idk something abt childhood friends to bffs to not talking to teammates to friends again to something more it just hits different. Not a ton things I can think abt rn but there’s a lot of thoughts trust me bros.

Zoey and Mateo!! Really cute!! I said what I needed to say on my Zoey one but to restate I think they’re sweet

Non romantic pairings

IZZIE AND MATEO!! The siblings ever!! Their dynamic is so real I can see so much of me and my own little brother in the things they do idk they’re just so real?

Mateo and lunia I know they haven’t met I’m just saying that invisible string tying them together is yelling doomed dudes

Unpopular opinion idk I think Mateo deserves to be criticized sometimes he’s not the most perfect character In the world

Wish- MORE DREAMKEEPER STUFF WITH THEM PLEASEEE. He’s the only living person we’ve seen who’s able to use lunias hourglass and I need to see him tap into it more. LOCK IN.

[im-out-of-it]

season 2, episode 2, part 3 continued “a door into the dark”

69. I know this was last episode but I love a speechless Alec

70. Simon: why would I need you anyways?

80. Magnus with his wonderful wisdom

81. I also love Izzy’s face here

82. Clary: omg dot I haven’t seen you in days

83. Valentines actions don’t make sense but he is smart enough (which isn’t much) to trick jace and clary endlessly

84. smart enough because clary and Jace are the dumbest characters on the show and series and would believe the sky was green if you told them so

85. you know that you could easily put what happens to Alec back on jace and clary, and Jocelyn. Jace leaves and Alec thinks it’s his job to save him. Clary doesn’t listen to anyone and will do anything to save jace even if it means listening to some visions, and Jocelyn didn’t tell clary anything of her past- loses clary- and then enlists Alec’s help

86. and it’s not dot’s fault because she’s been getting injected by Valentine (and I get it’s hard not to listen to but clary also isn’t the brightest)

87. Alec: im worried sis

88. now Simon, why would Camille be there of all places???? 😭 (India)

89. it was Luke’s idea first but Jocelyn went right along with tagging Alec

90. Alec has a mind of his own but there’s a problem. the whole shadowhunters premise is all about saving jace no matter what. it’s also about saving clary but CC made the whole thing about jace and how everyone needs to be determined to save him at any costs. it doesn’t matter if someone dies or gets their feelings hurt as long as jace is protected and safe. which is really ironic because he’s been named the best shadowhunter of his generation but constantly needs saved. CC and her weird self insert obsession with a fictional character is obviously wild but it practically ruins the whole story. the concept of shadowhunters isn’t bad. the downworlders are interesting and so are fighting demons but not when there aren’t good enough arcs, plot lines, and people keep doing the same exact thing that you can predict where the story is heading

91. and that’s exactly the problem here. Jace has been nothing but rude to Alec since the last season but Alec is determined to save him even if it means putting himself at risk. I get the show didn’t want to go too far from the books but they didn’t need to have Alec constantly save jace and practically kill himself over and over again. this is going to be the second time he almost dies and there’s another big one later on. Alec’s body and mind is never a concern but jace is

92. but what are we sacrificing here? Alec should have been allowed to cut off jace in the show and be happy without him. there’s so many possibilities and storylines they could have done. he’s not the heart of the story. Alec is, Izzy, Raphael, simon, Maia, magnus, they are the heart of the story and what people want to watch (and I’m biased) but nobody wants to watch some dude who’s supposed to be the best degrade, dismiss, and be a dick to his parabatai who has done so much for him.

93. Alec says he needs jace but what he needed was a real friend (give me the series and concept, I can fix it)

94. Alec going off part 4

95. Jocelyn means: I’ll do anything to bring back a daughter I don’t respect even if it means you almost dying Alec

96. I love Alec’s I don’t give a fuck attitude but I still wish he would’ve gone off on jace. and I know I’ve gone into much detail about it but I just wish so so so much that they would’ve had Alec had a breakthrough and really ask if jace is worth all of his suffering.

97. and valentines plan is working as he predicted

98. “I guess I’m not your ordinary shadowhunter”- yeah, you’re more annoying and self conceited than most

99. Simon is still battling a snake 😭

100. meanwhile mags is just collecting his belongings lmao

101. nothing like going shopping for your own stuff

102. magnus, you don’t have a bad side

103. and here is the jackpot of all trades

104. you’re a warlock Magnus

105. this is one of the most symbolic pieces of Magnus there are

106. I forgot these and I finally found the vampire running gif so if anyone doesn’t want to even look at the one I created, I won’t be insulted lmao

107. Simon: MAGNUS IM DYING

108. clary, you can gladly leave and no one will care. LET ME DO A REWRITE PLEASE

109. Magnus: what took you so long?

stopping at 110 but I’ve got two more parts in the editing stage that I’ll get right out

[ayashitetsuko]

Stede first saw Izzy on the train as he commuted to work.

Taking the subway was a way for him to feel normal; when you have everything in your life planned by your parents, including your career in finance, you try everything. Sometimes he people-watches. Sometimes he read and checked Hot Dudes Reading. But that day Stede lifted his head to find a man sitting across him, reading. He wore shirt and tie underneath a leather jacket. His vibe was a mix of tidiness and rebellion. He and Stede held eye contact for a moment. They both blushed and turned away.

Unfortunately, Stede soon learned that the man was the cybersecurity consultant that his company hired. And he slammed Bonnet & Co for their meagre cybersecurity practices.

Maybe it was better that they never met again.

Except that days after their contract ended, Stede met Izzy again in a gay bar.

Well. Didn’t expect to see you here

I wasn’t surprised

Really?

Your suit was light blue, Bonnet

Maybe I just like fashion

And I’m here for a bachelorette party

Within hours, they were at a hotel room. They were feral. But the part that touched them the most was the conversation that they had in between.

When the morning comes, Stede asked if he could see Izzy again. You’re not bad was his loud answer. His subtle answer was the personal, non-business contact he added to Stede’s phone.

Three dates and four hookups later, they held hands as they checked out secondhand books at the flea market. And Izzy asked Stede to spend the night at his Brooklyn apartment.

He didn’t usually accept guests.

Stede listened to all the stories Izzy told him about the war, and cried when he spoke about his feet. And how he didn’t hold grudges.

He swooned when Izzy played the piano and sang for him. And taught him more details about techie stuff; he escaped a bad investment because of that.

For Izzy, he did not have a long list. The look of admiration in Stede’s eyes was enough for him to stay. The fact that Stede allowed him the chance to be a (step)father made him believe in their future together.

They were happy. They got along. They publicly referred to each other as “partners”. They met Stede’s kids. They have so many things in common.

Including an ex-boyfriend named Ed.

[your-alien-friend]

I don’t like that they killed Izzy, but I don’t think they did it for the wrong reasons like many others have said. But I also don’t blame them for feeling that way. Sure, the show is full of old, queer, kinky, disabled characters. But Izzy is the only one we get to see reckon with that in real time (besides maybe jim but that is done really quickly with minimal discomfort).

I’d argue he’s among the most important queer rep in the show because he does struggle with those things. Ofmd created a wonderful world where aside from little peaks of the outsiders views here and there, everyone is accepted. I love that and would not have the show any other way. It was so important for me to see people like me be treated as just… normal. But there does create a kind of dissonance with relating to those characters because we don’t live in that world.

That’s where I felt Izzys presence allowed them to excel in that respect. He let them paint a complete picture. Ed and stede remind me of my early teens, the discovery of an attraction that feels right in a way nothing else ever did, the sweetness of that first true love (along with the ups and downs of homoerotic friendships lmao). They’re the experience you have with another person. The crew of the revenge remind me of getting older and finding community, the safety and camaraderie and relief you get with that. They’re the experience you have with a community. But Izzy, he reminds me of myself through all these stages. He is all the self hatred, the misplaced aggression, the isolation. And then he gets to be the beauty, and acceptance, and levity that comes with truthfulness to who you are. He is the experience you have with yourself.

And that’s exactly why his death is so devastating. He was such a heavy lifter.

I think there’s also something to be said about Con O’Neil opening up about being a queer man himself and experiencing some of Izzy’s journey with him through the show, and perceiving him loosing that as well.

So yeah I think it’s a big loss that outweighs the narrative benefits. And I think we all have a right to mourn that. But I don’t think it’s fair to throw around all these baseless accusations at the creators. While there’s more nuance to why loosing Iz is such a big deal, this is undeniably not because of writers being against who he was. It’s the classic archetype for his character type, you sin, you make amends, you die. I do think maybe more input from queer writers could have prevented him not being fully appreciated outside of his ‘literary’ function, but that’s speculation.

I’m sad and angry too. But I’d rather focus on what we were given with Izzy and all the work Con O’Neil put in to fully flesh that out. Their story really is a monument to how community and fiction can change lives, and just how closely the two are intertwined.

And I’m grateful for what Izzy got to be. He could have easily been thrown away as the bad guy but instead he got to be so so much more. I’m glad we got to see that, even if his end wasn’t befitting of his journey.

Anyway rip Izzy Hands you were a real one and I’ll love you forever. Everyone else stop bullying David Jenkins I’m in your walls.

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

I need help or something I’m not sure

I told myself I would never vent online again. But I really have no one. Everyone around me is too busy to have anything to do with me so I’m left on my own.

My self esteem is really bad atm. I have struggled with self esteem since puberty, I’m sure most of us had. But since I had to deal with intense cyberbullying, death threats and abusive online relationships my self esteem is constantly really bad. I have two names and it’s Izzy and disgusting freak, the name I’ve been called the most. I’ve been called many names, none of them that are good but that one was most common. It’s burned into my brain forever now. Like a label that has been stapled to my chest for all to see and for me to feel that stinging sensation forever. People look but see the label that had been forced onto me instead of someone who needs help. They believe the label. They listen to the label even if I can provide them with proof it’s a lie and beg for help to have it removed and taken down. It’s all hopeless. At least that’s how my life was before I deleted all my old accounts to get the fuck away from those evil twisted monsters who did this to me.

This is gonna sound kind of stupid but now instead of being hurt by name calling I’m hurt by how I am just not seen. Tumblr has been shockingly good, which is ironic as most of my tormentors are from this site. I had to delete accounts multiple times on this website before. Who knew third time could be a charm? I guess the reason I feel down is that on my old DA account I did have over 1000 watchers. I have about 20 now, which is good considering how I only have like 1 person for months and literally none of my stuff was liked of favourited. I just feel like I’ve went from being a disgusting freak to a nobody. I ripped off the label best I can and created a brand new one but no one pays attention to it.

I think the reason why I’m worried about this is because there are only bad memories of me out there, that they associate me as the disgusting freak who faded away. I want to be labeled as something positive so maybe just maybe they can forget I ever was considered that. A “disgusting freak”. A way to redeem myself…even when in truth I was just trying to fight to be myself back then.

This is my passion but also my way of trying to prove myself and fight some more. Some days I enjoy it other days it makes me feel sick.

[ahgasefordayz]

Meeting the Family

"Hello! I really want to know if u could make one JB or Mark x reader when they are dating a foreign, and then he will be presenting her for the guys but she's is insecure if they will like her. (if she was brown I'll be so happy) ❤️ sorry for my broken English I'm trying my best haha"

Hi! It's been a while! I hope you like it! -Admin Izzy

Meeting family for the first time is scary, especially when you don’t even speak the same language. You have been stressing and running over the night in your head for weeks. You want, no you need to impress JB’s parents in order for this relationship to work. He has told you many times that if they don’t like you, which he is sure they will, that it won’t change what you both have. You know he believes that, but do you?

Family is so important to you, if you parents didn’t like JB it would crush you, so that’s what is troubling you. Growing up in the South, family is the focal point for any relationship to work, so this has to go well.

JB walks into the room after making sure to dry the laundry before you leave and sees you pacing back and forth with a frown on your face. With a smile he walks towards you and catches your attention.

You didn’t even know you were pacing until you looked down and noticed the way the carpet had moved to fit your trail. Stopping in your tracks, you look up at him with a sheepish expression.

“I didn’t know I was pacing..” you say as he stands tall in front of you with a small smile.

“I know you are worried, but you will soon think it to be silly. My parents are so excited to meet you, you need to know that.”, he says gently.

He knows that your anxiety has taken over you all week and has made sure to be extra gentle and caring to ease your concerns. JB knows how much you care and love him, and he is sure as soon as you and his parents interact, they will know too. He gets it. He felt the same way when he first met your family. Meeting people that know and love your partner the most is scary. He remembers sitting at the dinner table with your father at the head of the table dissecting his every move. He had never been around a big family, unless you count Mark’s, but he considered them family, too.

Southern families, especially African American families, are very tight knit, and he knew that if they didn’t see him to be worthy, then he was out. He made sure to talk about football with your father and uncles, and clean up the table and dishes with your uncle. At the end of the night, they were wishing you both could stay longer, and it gave him a warm feeling in his chest. He wanted that for you as well. JB knew that meeting family was also a big step, but he needed you to know that it was because of how much he believed in your love.

Taking your chin, he moves it up to where you are staring into each other’s eyes. He gives a long and firm kiss, letting you know everything is going to be alright.

“Do you remember when I met your entire family last month?”, he said with a smirk.

Watching your face change from a frown to a grin, you replied, “I do, and I’m so sorry. I told my mom not to tell anyone, but of course she has to brag at the church potluck that she had a Kpop star coming to dinner. That led to Aunt Kitty wanting to come and so on and so on…”

He then matched your grin remembering how your Aunt Kitty made it known she was single and if he had any single friends to let her know.

“She was very spirited, I’ll give her that.”, he chuckled, “but seriously, I was so nervous to meet the people that mean the most to you. Once I left, I felt like part of the family, and I know you’ll feel that way, too. Trust me, okay?”

You smiled and pulled him to you and gave him the biggest most reassuring hug you could muster and said, “I trust you.”