#I’m finally at least motivated to do art again

[sunnibits]

guys I need a new hyperfixation so bad I swear my brain hasn’t produced any artistically motivating dopamine for like 10 months I’m fucking dying here

[leviiackrman]

I plan on drawing kaida tomorrow my guys so stay tuned!!

[twost3ps]

This doesn’t feel like my art style but it happened and it’s never coming back

Human au stuff go crazy yayaya

This is the point after Michael finally proposes but it take a bat to head (not really) to finally realize that he’s been in a real relationship with Adam since they were kids. At least that’s how Adam’s perceived it so it must be true

Also posting cuz I feel the need to say/vent that I am getting to my ask box, swear. But when it comes to asks I like to take a lot of time unless I know I don’t wanna draw it or have a proper answer or feel like I’ve stalled for too long akjshsnwn my attention span is the worst and so is my motivation to do things. I’m getting there at snails pace but one heavenly day I will find purpose again lol. I’m gonna be saying this a LOT trusttt

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

Hi! For the ficlet prompts: For Tarlos: 🫶🏻 Breakfast date For BuckTommy: 🛏️ There's only one bed, and it's… a single (or broken? Like sunken down in the center or something. Whichever option sparks joy. 😂)

There's only one bed, and it's a single

A few weeks into their relationship, Buck wonders why Tommy still hasn't invited him over to his house. Somehow, they always seem to end up in the loft, apart form that one memorable date that ended in the 118's locker room – he’s still proud of himself for keeping his mouth shut about it the next day, even though his face probably screamed „ask me what happened last night“. Anyway, Tommy often just turns up at his door or picks him up from work and drives to the loft as a matter of course, and for a while Buck thinks it's just because he likes his place so much. It's tastefully furnished, right? And since he owns a couch again, Star Wars movie nights with Tommy next to him are much nicer.

It's just... Eddie had been so enthusiastic about Tommy's house, the garage, the dōjō; and Buck – Tommy’s boyfriend, mind you – hasn’t even seen a glimpse of all that. There are, of course, many possible explanations for this. Maybe Tommy’s a slob and it's always untidy (Eddie didn't mention this), or he's ashamed of his furniture (Eddie didn't mention this) or he's currently renovating (nope, not a word about that from Eddie). Either these made-up motives are as silly as they sound in Buck's head, or the real reason is him. Both could be true. 

One evening, after a very good dinner (it's perfectly acceptable to praise yourself, Buck thinks, especially after receiving top cooking honors from Bobby), it's time to grab the bull by the horns. 

“We're gonna sleep at your house tonight,” he says.

Tommy sets his glass down, blinks and replies, “We’ve basically just arrived at your place, Evan.”

"Right, but you’re staying overnight at my place about three times a week.“

“Didn't have the feeling that it was too much,” says Tommy with a wink.

Buck is melting away. This man has such a magnetic effect... But not this time, he swears to himself. He's let this slide long enough. If there's one thing he's learned, it's that problems should be addressed. This one isn't necessarily a problem, but it's a little oddity that has piqued his curiosity. And perhaps it also scratches his ego a little.

“No, I love it when you're here,” he says, feeling his cheeks flush. “But Eddie keeps telling me about your house and...”

“What is Eddie doing in this conversation now?” 

Tommy sounds genuinely confused, and he can't blame him. Buck takes a deep breath. 

“I want to see how you live.”

That's not quite the right approach, but at least Tommy smiles his adorable smile, which makes his face go all scrunchy. His answer, however, is not an exuberant “okay, let's get going”. Instead, he says, “That's sweet, but I'm rarely at home. It’s actually not that exciting.”

Somehow, it is, at least it starts getting annoying; Buck's curiosity is hard to tame when he believes he's discovered some kind of riddle. While it’s certainly exciting to see that there still are some things about Tommy that remain mysterious to him, his house shouldn't be on the top list of sweet secrets he holds. 

“I’m getting a vibe that you don't want me there, Tommy.”

“It's not like that.”

“Then what is it? Do you have any porn magazines lying around? Don't you want me to see your underwear drawer?”

“Evan...”

“Are there pictures of your ex-boyfriends on the walls?” Now Buck is on a roll. “Do you collect tasteless art? Is your house just too small for two people to be comfortable?”

“Evan,” Tommy groans. Wide-eyed, Buck glares at him, until Tommy finally exhales loudly and adds, “Yeah, it's too small. You're not going to give it a rest, are you?“

“My therapist says I should talk about my feelings. And there's no one I'd rather do that with than you, Tommy, and right now... well. Honestly, it's driving me crazy.”

“All right,” goes Tommy, getting up and taking his hand, ”there's no point in delaying it any longer anyway. Come with me. We're going to my place – but whether you want to sleep there remains to be seen.”

That, of course, was an even more mysterious answer, but Buck jumps to his feet immediately.

From the outside, Tommy's house looked neither particularly small nor large. The most remarkable thing about the single-storey, flat-roofed building was probably that it stood in the middle of a terraced housing estate in the suburbs. It wasn't an area Buck would have associated with Tommy, and there was probably a story behind it that he was eager to hear one day. 

Inside, it was just as unremarkable. This was the house of a single man who often did 24-hours-shifts and also had very excessive hobbies that made him leave the house quite often. In other words, a comparatively interchangeable place. Eddie hadn't mentioned anything about that either, he'd probably been blinded by the flights to Vegas and the garage. There were no photos of ex-boyfriends on the walls, no obvious porn movies in the impressive DVD collection, no tasteless art; there weren't even any potted plants, “I just don't have a green thumb,” says Tommy. 

“I don't understand why you didn't already show me your house,” Buck says, a little disappointed that he still couldn't solve the puzzle.

“Hm,” Tommy utters, and it sounds almost apologetic. He wraps his arms around Buck and adds, “You're here now.”

„Yes, and I forgot a change of clothes. You’re gonna have to lend me some tomorrow.“

“You're really determined to spend the night here?”

“You bet,” Buck says, his eyes roaming the room, ”show me your bedroom and I'll show you how determined I am.”

“Then get ready for a cold shower,” Tommy returns, taking Buck's hand and leading him further into his house. 

The door opened to another plain, rather functionally furnished room with a built-in wardrobe, a second door that probably led to the bathroom, a large window without any curtains and virtually no accessories. Then Buck’s gaze falls on the bed, and his jaw drops.

“Well, I told you it was small...”

“I thought you meant your house.”

It was the bed. A narrow, single bed. It wasn't an unusual place to sleep, of course; millions of bedrooms were furnished like this. Buck just couldn't understand why anyone would voluntarily give up the comfort of a kingsize when they were tall and beefy like his adorable boyfriend with the very embarrassed look on his face. 

“W-wait a minute. Is that why we always spent the night at my place? Because you’re sleeping in... this crib?”

“Hey, I like this bed,” Tommy replies, grimacing. “It's just not a good place for two. Hold on, what were you thinking, Evan?“

“Well, for a while I thought you just liked my shower...”

“... it's an excellent shower, I must say.”

"Well, to be honest, I thought it’s not that important to you."

Tommy looks intently at his face, shaking his head. 

“Did you seriously think you weren't important enough for me? I thought we had clarified that point by now. And for once, I'm not talking about the excellent sex, honey.“

"Which would be … not that comfortable in that bed," Buck says when the penny finally drops. “Adorable, Tommy. As if the kitchen table wasn't enough for us.”

“But would you want to sleep on it?”

“Good point,” Buck mutters. “We really can't both fit in the bed.”

“Gonna be tough. And… actually, I really prefer your shower.“

“I'll probably have to talk to the landlord about the water consumption.”

"Well, we don’t need to move together so soon," Tommy argues. “But you could help me buy a bigger bed, how about that?”

“Excellent,” says Buck. “But we have to be sure it’s too small for the things I’d love to do with you.”

He pushes the surprised Tommy onto the bed with a casual nudge.

“Fine,” Tommy replies with a grin before closing Buck's mouth with a kiss, ”but we're sleeping at your place tonight.”

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

Thank you for the adorable prompt, @herrmannhalsteadproduction. I'm gonna need to skip the Tarlos one because I'm running out of spare time, but this was fun 😂❤️

[anime-grimmy-art]

It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel. 

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

[absolutebl]

This week in BL - I am all over the place, But Laws of Attraction is Phenomenal af

July 2023 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Laws of Attraction (Thai Sat iQIYI) 1 of 8 - Icky picked it up but it’s not airing for me until Sundays so I held this post specifically to watch and talk about this show. Stars the pair from To Sir With Love with the same production team. IT’S SO GOOD Y’ALL. A morally corrupted trickster lawyer with a tragic past, sad eyes, and a beautiful smile that he uses like a weapon. Meets paladin martial arts instructor from other side of the tracks (who is out, at least to his baby sister). Corrupt police. Spoiled rich kid evil. Ambitious politician. Tragic death. Terrible subs.* This show is very like Manner of Death but so far it is a much better/tighter story. It’s NOT BL but it is fucking phenomenal. And you shoudl watch it. Not wait to binge it. WATCH IT. On a global scale this might be the best thing currently airing featuring gay romantic leads. Its really fucking good. It’s Lawless Lawyer but more complex character motivation and gay af. Fuck yes please and thank you. FINALLY. Triggers for violence, beatings, death & torture depicted on screen. Like MoD they are not holding back.  (* A lot of the familial names they are using are not gendered in Thai but translated as such, like “nephew”. This one is gonna go down a lot easier if you know some Thai.)

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 12fin - 2 years pass and no one’s hairstyle changes? Srs. Them meeting again = hella AWKWARD. Both still pining & hurt. NO SINGING. The reconciliation scene was great. I enjoyed that on the “do over relationship” they went with phi/pom (instead of the super formal khuns). So cute and so much more relaxed. Also lots of neck kisses! Charming final ep. It’s only flaw being they dropped the side couple, but I wasn’t really into them anyway. Ultimately? This is what Boss & Babe should have been and could we please have Up lead out another BL? I miss him and he only gets prettier. Full review below.

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 12fin - I adore the tiny little baby GL thread that we almost got. And I wish we had had more of it throughout the show. The side couple turned out to be good too. Emotional crying kisses are my favorite. Sunshine netted himself an earnest serious romantic boy, we likey. As for the main couple? Well... Tai’s search story arc was dull and dragging in a final ep and it felt bloated and slow as a result. It was a good confession reunion with Tai figuring all of his shit out, not surprising but fine. Kind of a a weak final ep. Full review below. 

Hidden Agenda (Thai Sun GMMTV YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - JoonDunk are back and we have all seen this a million times before, but Thailand never executed a successful formula it didn’t want to repeat a million times over, drunk bathroom and everything. Welcome (back) to Thai BL (and back and back and back). Basically they just added glasses, a new 1-shared-brain-cell friendship group, and different uni departments. Ah GMMTV, forever trying to recreate the magic of 2gether. But also I’m enjoying it. I’m a simple person. (Hi Jamie! Still in college since 2018 I see.) Anyone else notice that Chinese phrase that they did not translate for us? Mmm hum. Cute. Still... NO SINGING. 

Low Frequency (Sat iQIYI) ep 2 of 8 - Thames is in coma and getting slagged off on the socials. It’s moving a bit slowly but the premise is interesting despite the poor quality of the execution. 

Dinosaur Love (Sun iQIYI) ep 3 of 8 eps - Major trigger for self harm depicted on screen in part 2/4. I skipped it. Then there is assault and verbal abuse. I told you Ultimate Troop is NOT to be trusted. 

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki) ep 2 of 12 - Look, I don’t really mind this show but I also don’t like second hand embarrassment and I sense a metric butt ton incoming.

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - I was not best pleased with this episode. Ya’ll round the tumblr-sphere seem to be enjoying it but I have officially hit the wall on Kawi. There is not enough booze for me to cope with his shizz. I may be alone in this. But gotta say how I feel... Unlike him. Trash watch here.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - Poor Ren, he feels compelled to take on the burden of protecting everyone from sexual assault because he blames himself. And he can’t even talk to his boyfriend about it. Oh fuck me the pair of shoes at the door. And neck kisses? TOO MUCH. Argh. Japan. Why must you hurt so good? 

Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) 3 of 10 eps - It’s a very cute show. All the tropes and archetypes with no fuss or attempts to be clever, just executing them (sometimes over and over again). Even hiccoughs as a result of flirting! I haven’t seen that one in ages. The show feels old fashioned as a result. Nostalgic. I’m good with that. 

Tie The Not (Pinoy YouTube) ep 6 of 8 - Sad boys still sad now drunk. (Noooooo shoes on bed! Argh.) Finally kisses! Also good ones for a large portion of this ep. Plus hair pulling. And verse rep! And after sex convo. Then side dishes have a whole proper gay ax covo about top/bottom. Everyone say thank you Philippines! get down with your queer selves! 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 6fin - I believe this was the final episode. It was cute. This is a standard sort of semi-crappy VBL high school drama. Enjoyable in its floppy friendliness, weirdly like a queer after school special promoting education. Dead fish kisses but fine for what it is. 7/10 

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga) 2 of 12 eps - Activate cohabitation trope. They okay bfs. Minato not as frustrating this week, but still frustrating for me and Shin. Next week = cute outfits and dumb miscommunication yay!

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 11 of 12 - again it didn’t show up on my dash in time for this. I’ll pop it into next week. 

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly English & set in LA (shudder) so I’m not bothering.

Stay With Me ... NO I WILL NOT! And you can’t make me.

Ended This Week

Step By Step Series Review  

This was Thailand’s answer to The New Employee, and everything I loved about that show I loved about this one. This was an office romance between stern boss and sweet subordinate that felt more authentic to an office environment than previous Thai BLs of this ilk. And that authenticity added tension to the narrative and character development (how novel). Now that might be because it has western source material, or it might be because it is actually kind of old-fashioned (it’s been years since I worked as an office grunt). I also really enjoyed the brothers’ relationship, and kinda wished they hadn’t attempted (and failed) to give said brother his own side BL. That one flaw made it a 9/10 for me. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

La Pluie Series Review

This BL takes to task the fated mates trope and what it means to have love chained intimately to predestination. It’s about how faith in destiny before choice diminishes the authenticity of emotion, relationships, and connection. This is a high concept to examine through the lens of a BL. By activating + examining the soulmates trope this show is challenging a foundation of romance: the idea that there is one person meant to be your one romantic partner all your life. This means that we, as viewers, spend much of the show worried about it having a happy ending, and that’s the source of both its brilliance and tension: would the narrative have the strength to truly challenge its own romantic core? But, ultimately, all this elevated complexity was executed in a somewhat shaky manner with the narrative derailing into some serious pacing issues and characters manipulated by miscommunication. However, with good chemistry and decent acting all around, plus some excellent high heat and representation of consent and a few other rare tropes, this one has to (like it’s sibling show My Ride) earn a 9/10. I enjoyed it even as it made me think, so despite its flaws: HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting:  

7/19 Wedding Plan (Thai Wed YouTube & iQIYI)  - It's Mame and she's coming for our GL. She's such a misogynist IMAGINE what we will get with a GL side dish? It's going to be absolute carnage. To crane your neck as you drive by the car wreck or not? That is the question. Me? I'm wallowing in the guts. Trying to decide to trash watch or not... 

7/20 Jun & Jun (Korea Thu Viki) - From 2022 I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT! So excited for this one. 

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

FYI roselle juice is made from hibiscus (a flower) so technically neither a tea nor a juice. (Hidden Agenda)

Tie the Not = all the verse rep this ep. I love this for them. 

The giggling was SO DAMN CUTE (Step by Step, na?) 

We all guessed it but it was still fun. (Stupid Genius) Also miracles of miracles, two actors who actually look like they could be brothers play brothers. 

First time I’ve seen faen translated as significant other. (Laws of Attraction)

THE PAIN! (Tokyo) 

(Last week.)

[ocdeeznut]

In rewatching s8 i have some thoughts. Why it didn’t work as an ending, and what i think could have been changed.

WARNING THIS POST IS LONG AS FUCK, so strap in if you’re interested.

- The feel of the writing is distinctly off. Not bad, but it doesn’t feel like you’re watching Voltron anymore. It feels grittier and more like a high stakes adult animation than the other seasons. Which, again, isn’t necessarily bad, but the shift is too quick and it could have been executed better if they spent more time digging into the individual characters and their growth during s6/7.

- The issue of ‘there’s always a bigger enemy’ starts to make the plot feel stale. You get bored of a bigger robot, higher stakes, more to lose. They start killing people and planets for a cheap audience reaction when we weren’t all that invested in the first place. It felt like a split second decision by the writers to destroy Olkarion. Something like that needs to be pencilled in from the beginning. There were too many attacks on Olkarion, and as a consequence we got too used to seeing it’s people in peril. There should’ve been a distinct shift where we, as the audience, realised Voltron wasn’t going to be there to save them this time. Whether that’s a writing, animation or atmospheric issue i’m unsure. Maybe it’s just a me thing.

- The Atlas should never have been able to transform. That for me was the biggest investment turn off. Why do we need Voltron anymore if there’s a bigger, stronger robot on their side? If they were going to replace the castle, they should have made it clear and stuck with the intention. That’s not a support ship anymore, that’s something else entirely. I’d gladly watch a show JUST about the Atlas, with Shiro at the helm, but it’s not Voltron.

- Too many things happen at once, and it’s massively convoluted. 13 episodes is not enough time to: introduce a romance, have me actually care about that romance, kill off a main character, form a new version of voltron, redeem three main antagonists, AND cutely tie up all the glaring plot holes of the show. S8 needed to be two seasons at least. If things were spread out and more passion was pumped into the writing, it could’ve worked.

- Allura’s character was ruined. She became a nagging, reckless, martyred love interest. I love her dearly, i have from S1, but they did her SO dirty. Lance, too. They both deserved better.

- I think, personally, that Sendak should’ve been the final villain. Not Honerva. Her arc was rushed and her CORE motivation made little sense. They used the flimsy excuse of her corruption to redeem her love for Lotor, and his name was literally raked through hell and back for a very mediocre payoff. If that was the plan from the start, it needed to be hinted at more.

- There was too much, as i call it, flip-flopping. The alteans are alive, now they’re evil, now they’re not. We can’t get into Oriande, but now we can! Personally, i need explanations, and strict universal rules. If those rules are to be broken for whatever reason - it has to be a show stopping exception and a main event. Everything is excused and explained away when it doesn’t make any sense.

- Now, i actually really likes the subtle art style and animation adjustments in the season, visually it was spectacular so i have no critiques there. If only the plot could have done its outer shell some justice.

AND GET LANCE OFF THAT DAMN FARM.

[corpsekiller]

𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝, 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 — 𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧

𝖯𝖠𝖨𝖱𝖨𝖭𝖦. mammon x genderneutral!reader

𝖶𝖠𝖱𝖭𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲. fluff, language, implied best friends to lovers, protective!reader, this is honestly pure asmodeus slander and i stand by that

𝖲𝖸𝖭𝖮𝖯𝖲𝖨𝖲. you’re tired of mammon’s brothers wrongfully accusing him. when asmodeus blames him for something he hasn't done, you decide to put him in his place.

𝖠𝖴𝖳𝖧𝖮𝖱'𝖲 𝖭𝖮𝖳𝖤. i haven't written in so long, but i finally found the time and motivation to finish this piece that i found in my drafts. i'll try to be more active on this blog, though i can't make any promises because my motivation makes a rare appearance these days, but i hope you enjoy this fic. see ya around <3

𝖫𝖤𝖭𝖦𝖳𝖧. 1.981 words

MASTERLIST

“Y/N, wait for me!” Asmodeus shouts after the lesson has ended with the loud ringing of the bells, waving a perfectly manicured hand to catch your attention before Mammon and you can disappear into the crowd of students rushing to enjoy their lunch break in the cafeteria.

As soon as you catch a glimpse of him your shoulders drop in resignation and he watches how you mutter something to his brother, exchange a sharp glare with him and quickly grab the sleeve of his wrinkled school uniform before he can bolt — it’s your intuition speaking when you reach out for him, rightfully so, because after all these months of growing close with him you just know what his next move will be and this time is no different.

The second he realizes who’s the cause of your faltering steps, he curses under his breath and braces for his sprint across the campus, only to stagger back against your unmoving body as your fingers dig into his arm.

“Hey, whatcha think you’re doin’? Let go of me,” he argues, helplessly tugging on your hand in a fruitless attempt to loosen your grip on his jacket. A crease forms between his brows, then his eyes shoot to his brother and in a moment of awful recognition, he understands. “No, ya can’t be serious... You’re really going to waste our lunch break and talk to him?”

“Yeah, and you’re coming with me,” you respond dryly.

Honestly, it's bold of him to assume you’d let him escape, but given by the offended glare he shoots in your general direction, he actually expected his plan to work. Instead, you’re dragging him with you to approach Asmodeus at the door of your shared classroom and all he can do is sigh defeatedly and accept his miserable fate.

At least he doesn’t have to do the talking.

“Thank you, darling,” his younger brother giggles and sweeps his bangs behind his ear, batting his eyelashes at you as if he could charm his way into your pants that easily. It doesn’t go unnoticed by you, though you have mastered the art of ignoring his silly flirtations and instead focus on what he actually wants. If his only goal was to flatter you, he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to catch up with you at school, but as always, he draws out the moment and relishes in the attention the two of you give him.

“You are such a sweetheart, my dear! I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he muses, though the mischievous glint in his eyes betrays his true intentions. His lips, sparkling under a thick layer of lipgloss, stretch into a wicked smile, fully aware he’s testing your limits and your patience for him slowly withers away. Not that he cares about any of that.

Once again you’re grateful Lucifer chose Mammon to look after you considering the other options he had and every time you have the misfortune to get tangled in a chat with Asmodeus you become painfully aware of what your life in the devildom could have been like if he was assigned to take care of you.

The thought makes you cringe and you have to bite back a disgusted grimace that follows Asmodeus’ action of grazing his painted fingers over the length of your arm, therefore pulling your attention back to him once more. “May I take a look at your notes? I’m afraid I missed the important parts of the lesson because I was busy—”

“Starin’ at your ugly face in that stupid mirror y’always got in ya pocket? No wonder ya missed most of the class,” Mammon all but seethes behind you. Crossing his arms over his chest, he stares down his brother who merely laughs it off and lifts his hand to brush a strand of hair out of your face.

Another attempt to bewitch you with his demonic charm that fails miserably.

Seriously, you nearly feel second-hand embarrassed at his pathetic efforts to seduce you, but that’s what he’s always done —wrapping everyone around his finger to get what he wants, only to treat them like dirt after he exploited their friendliness and shortly upon your arrival at the devildom you’ve already learned your lesson. You’ll never fall for his tricks again.

"Maybe ya should start payin’ attention, then ya wouldn’t have to run after people beggin’ for their notes like a dog,” Mammon scoffs loudly and points an accusatory finger at the Avatar of Lust. He’s one to talk — skipping most of your classes, causing chaos left and right, and dragging his sorry ass back to you as soon as he needs some urgent tutoring to pass the school year with somewhat decent grades.

Your lips twitch at his dry comment nevertheless, amusement evident in your eyes when you throw him a quick glance over your shoulder that mirrors how much you’d love to leave his brother in the dirt just this once, but you think better of it. If Lucifer hears about your disrespectful stunt, you might get into trouble far worse than merely talking to Asmodeus for a couple of minutes (although that easily counts as one of the worst punishments anyone could ever experience down here, but that’s only your personal opinion).

“Can you hold this for a second?” You finally cave, shoving a few books and your wallet in Mammon’s hands and opening your bag to rummage through your notes. Of course the pages he needs are at the bottom, buried beneath notebooks, your water bottle and your pencil case and you huff in annoyance, internally cursing yourself for giving in and doing him this favor.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Asmodeus remarks tauntingly, his eyes trained on a spot behind your back. You assume he’s staring at Mammon who’s surely taking it as a challenge to prove his superiority, too stubborn to back down until he ultimately wins. It’s stupid and childish, but you couldn’t care less. The only thing on your mind right now is giving the Avatar of Lust your notes and get out of here before he demands different pages or worse, decides to chat you up until your break is over and you’re forced to attend class with an empty stomach.

“You’ll find your money missing when he returns it. If he even returns it, that is.”

You pause.

“What are you talking about?” His words settle in and it suddenly clicks what exactly he’s indicating, the outrageous accusation he’s spewing against his own brother.

Sure, you’ve heard the insults they throw at him. Ugly words like ‘scum’ and ‘coward’ that always cause your stomach to churn in anger at their poor treatment of their brother. You’ve witnessed them shove him around, badmouth and blame him for everything that goes wrong even if he isn’t the one at fault and although you’ve never dared to do more than speak up for him it appears that today, Asmodeus might be the first to make acquaintance with your fists.

“Mammon is just holding my stuff when my hands are full and so far I never found anything missing,” you snarl, revolt clear in your voice. To emphasize your statement, you whip around to look at Mammon, only to find that he isn’t there anymore. The spot where he’s supposed to be standing is left empty, abandoned. You’re too dumbfounded to think of a quick comeback when Asmodeus starts to giggle quietly behind your back, clearly satisfied with your defeat that rendered you speechless in a matter of seconds.

Yeah, it would be a real shame if someone broke his perfectly shaped nose and coincidentally disfigured his entire face for the rest of his miserable life.

“See? I told you so.” He drawls, that annoying, sickeningly smug little smile on his face and it takes every ounce of self-control in you to not strangle him in the middle of the hallway. Instead, you tighten your grasp on your notes, the notes he wanted, listen to the sound of crumpled paper between your shaking fingers, and raise an eyebrow.

If you can’t physically hurt him until he apologizes not only to you, but to Mammon too, you have to deny him the satisfaction of thinking he got under your skin — even if the complete opposite is the case.

Your head reels for a snappy comment that could send Asmodeus into a frenzy, anything really, to wipe that fucking smirk off his lips and buy you some time to get a hold of yourself. It pisses you off, more than it should, that you let him get that far, that he managed to let you doubt Mammon, your best friend who may be an ass, but would never stab you in the back like this.

“Honestly, you’re—"

“Are ya done now? I’m starvin’ and our lunch break is almost over,” Mammon interrupts suddenly. There’s a moment of silence and you swear you can hear your heart jump a little in your chest as he throws an arm over your shoulder and tilts his head to study your face. The arch of his brows holds an unspoken question — 'are you okay?’ is written in the crease between them and you smile fondly at the genuine worry in his eyes.

He’s a good guy.

You fail to notice what he holds in his hands until he flicks his finger against your forehead, huffing out a laugh at the small yelp escaping your mouth as he shoves your favorite drink against your chest, the one you always buy from the vending machine a few hallways further. He took a sip once and nearly spat it back out, you remember, and then he pulled a grimace and complained about your awful taste, but he remembered that it’s your favorite beverage anyway.

And he bought it for you. Despite everything Asmodeus had said about him, he got you your favorite drink because he knows you wouldn’t have enough time to run to the vending machine and get lunch at the cafeteria in time and if you weren’t about to downright murder Asmodeus, you’d probably kiss him.

“You know what, Asmodeus? Go fuck yourself,” you grin. Without hesitation you rip your notes apart, relishing in the way he winces at every piece that drops to the floor before you close your bag and take Mammon's hand to pull him down the hallway. He follows you with no complaint, though you catch him eyeing you suspiciously from the side.

“What was that for?” He finally breaks.

“He was talking shit about you.”

“So ya ripped yer own notes?” Mammon snorts and wedges his hand out of your grasp to sling his arm over your shoulders once again, pulling you into his side as you walk. “’m not sure if that’s badass or jus’ plain stupid.”

“Shut up,” you shove your elbow into his side, just hard enough to make him groan in pain, “You know how much I hate it when your brothers treat you like garbage. I’d do it again if it meant Asmodeus would shut the fuck up for once.”

Mammon blinks, once, twice, taking in your words before a smile spreads across his lips, tender and so sweet that it catches you off guard when you steal a glance at him. For a second, you both stare at each other, and then, hesitant, as if he isn’t quite sure how to show what he truly feels, he leans down and presses a kiss to your temple, avoiding your gaze as if that would somehow hide the blush on his cheeks.

You don’t mention it anyway, but your stupid heart flutters in your chest and you take a hasty sip of your drink to cover your own embarrassment as you stroll into the cafeteria.

[oobbbear]

Hi again. I hope you’re doing alright and I hope I personally didn’t make you feel upset or uncomfortable or anything. I feel part of it is my fault that you feel down about your art…

But I want you to know that you and your art are truly special and wonderful. Even if it is simply just a hobby…

You and your art mean a lot and I hope you know that you are important and you matter very much! ❤️

First thing first, it’s not!!!!! I love your questions it’s just I had some hard time coming up with answers, it’s never your fault don’t say that :’) !!!!!!

I’ll do my best to answer some of your questions, please take all of these with a giant cart of salt I don’t know anything

Do I study art? Yes, I’m currently in college studying animation. Is it worth it? Depends, most of the stuff they teach you can learn online for free, companies don’t really look at their education level when hiring an artist they focus more on the person’s portfolio, if you can get the job done then they would hire you👍 most people here are to build connections and have a environment and peers to motivate themselves to study.

For the second question, how do I balance art and life? The answer is no I don’t :’) the problem with turning your hobby into work is that you don’t get a hobby anymore, I draw for school then I draw for myself it’s all I do I draw, non stop… I’m trying to get into new hobby lately so I don’t burn my passion away it’s a bit hard but it’s going

Third question is it an alright source of income? I don’t have an answer for it yet since I’m still in school, but from what I heard it really depends. Animation jobs are gig based, it’s not a stable career you’ll be running around finding new jobs every few months. Most artists I know have a side job that they can lean onto when they’re in the middle of job hunting, either an Etsy shop or commissions. The pay depends on the studio you’re working for, if it’s a big company then they can pay you okay, it’s a big company at least they have policies and regulations. if it’s small production then it’s hard to say, many are too much work for too little pay.

The animation and gaming industry are not doing well either, so many experienced people are getting laid off lately leaving little chances for newbies it’s a burning dumpster of a industry and don’t even get me started with ai art … I don’t want to sound negative and kills someone’s hopes and dreams but it’s really not the best place to be at the moment, I don’t even know if I want to do animation in the future it’s kinda frustrating

I’ll leave the final decision to you ofc, I’m not saying don’t study art, just that you need to think this through, there are positives like you’re gonna learn so much new stuff to better your work, and you can do something you enjoy as a job, it’s so much better than spending your life doing something you don’t like. But there’re also negatives like it might kill your passion and a job is hard to find

[cosmereplay]

hi hi hi hi hi I love your blog and art so much dbjrnrnfjfntjjfhsksnr

for the ask game maybe 32 like with Shallan/kaladin/adolin

pls can it be not smutty pls thank you so much!!!!

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! And yes I can absolutely write a non-smutty Shakadolin. I will write a kiss… 32. …to wake up.

Shakadolin, rated Teen, 500 words, the mildest of RoW spoilers

Half between sleeping and waking, Shallan felt something brush against her cheek. “Hrrmmmm,” she mumbled, and rolled over without opening her eyes. What had she just been dreaming about? Could she find it again? She relaxed into her pillow and drifted. “I have to get dressed,” she heard Adolin say, as if from a distance. “Can you wake her?” The deep blackness of unconsciousness enveloped her like a blanket, caressing her. Shallan dreamed she was held, protected on all sides. She could finally…relax… A touch against her forehead. “Thirty-five.”  Another. “Thirty-six.” She felt her body shift with the bed, down and up again. She opened her eyes to find Kaladin’s face zooming towards her. He kissed her forehead with a little muah sound. “Thirty-seven,” he said. Shallan grinned. “What—” “Muah. Thirty-eight.” “What are you doing, Kaladin?” “Muah. Thirty-nine. What does it—muah, forty—look like? Muah. Forty-one.” “It—” “Muah. Forty-two.” “—looks like—” “Muah. Forty-three.” “—push-ups.” “Muah. Forty-four. Very good. Muah. Forty-five. You might actually—muah, forty-six—stay awake this time.” As he continued his routine above Shallan, she eyed the opposite end of the room, where Adolin emerged, fully dressed in uniform. “Ah, the Horneater Princess is awake! Lovely! Don’t forget you have a morning meeting with Jasnah.” Shallan sat up in a shock of adrenaline, smacking Kaladin in the forehead. “Ow!” they both exclaimed. “Sorry Kaladin, sorry!” Shallan grimaced, rubbing her forehead as Kaladin rolled off her. In one smooth movement, he had moved his pushups to the floor.  “Is it so early in the morning that you forget you have Stormlight?” Adolin asked, bringing over a spherelamp and watching her forehead as she breathed in and the pain receded. He turned to Kaladin, proffering the bowl in front of him. “I’m fine,” Kaladin said between pushups. “Like crem you are,” Adolin insisted. Kaladin reluctantly drew some Stormlight, then stood. “Well now I’ll have to start all over or I won’t feel like I earned it,” he complained. Shallan glanced at her time fabrial, then fell back to the bed. Turned out she had lots of time. “How about I hold your feet while you do situps?” she asked. “It’s the least I could do since I ruined your pushups.” Kaladin nodded gracefully. “That would be amenable,” he said with a haughty air. “As long as I get to kiss you over my knees. I do require proper motivation.” “Oh well negotiated, Citizen Stormface,” Shallan grinned as she got into position in front of him. Are you sure you’re not a secret ambassador?” “I’ll be the secret ambassador to Braize if I don’t get out of here like right now,” Adolin said, and leaned down to kiss them both. “I’ll see you two tonight,” he added, and hurried out. Kaladin leaned in close with a conspiratorial smile. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m the secret ambassador of the darkeyes, here to infiltrate the lighteyes and make us equals. But the only way to do it is with one hundred morning kisses. Ready?” “You think me a traitor, destined to betray my own people? Very well, I suppose. In the name of peace,” Shallan said with a haughty accent of her own. “I’m ready.” “One.” “Muah.” “Two.” “Muah.” “Three…”

From the I Will Write a Kiss ask game

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hey Nalyra,

Ooof, your posts have been making me nervous today! Please may I enquire - Do you think from where we are now, we’re likely to get to a place of the same/similar feelings - overall & on the major points from the book Interview with the Vampire by the end of season 2?

Louis’ perspective is so very specific in the book, and yet at the same time Louis himself is in a very different place now with the story alterations, so I feel all kinds of confused about emotional expectations!

Personally, I’m ok with any changes (admittedly barring the drop, which I’m not ok with. That’s just the way it is for me.) but I’m not ok with changes in motivation: how some changes mean we’re not in a position (yet) for the story to have the same overall feeling - from & towards each character; about some plot events & overall… but I always felt the main impact on any changes is their meaning to the feeling of the ending.

I totally believe the show *can* get there, from all the incredible art we’ve experienced this far, not least the most recent episode… but today’s… well, I guess they’re still total mysteries, yet still it’s made me feel suddenly uneasy & worried…

I suppose I’d also presumed that this era of the story would be done with this season, but I see now it may be repeated yet again in S3….?

I have odd feelings, as I feel like the ending at least of the book Interview with the vampire is similar in feeling to how Lestat describes that era, only without the context of his experiences…. Yet I’m not sure the final events in Paris on the tv show can be similar, given where we are?! I feel so confused!

I feel so confused that I know this ask is confusing too. I basically think I just need Armand to mutter “Rest” at me so my mind will stop whirring in overdrive! 😂😅💀

:))) (Rest^^)

... mhhhhh so I think that, given that the book IWTV will be published in-universe, that we will stay close to the emotional beats for the tale itself.

Meaning Madeleine, trial, Louis destroys the coven. And Dubai.

I do think Louis will end up in a similar place he was at the end of the book, yes.

I do think that they will revisit all this... but more as Lestat himself revisited it in his book, which is a few statements to how he experienced it. But not another season detailing it. That... will be left to the audience to decide.

I think the show will leave quite a few things only hinted at, and ambiguous. We are on a POV show after all, and they are not pulling their punches.

Sam and Jacob described the ending of s1 as "sad but satisfying"... and I guess.... that is what we'll get.

Which, actually, fits quite well for the novel, too, doesn't it.

[reasonandfaithinharmony]

2023 writing gif-making round up

Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about. Thank you for the tag, @thisbuildinghasfeelings!

January

Um. Coming to terms with the idea of 2023? I dunno. But certainly nothing creative happened here.

February

Boyfriend → husband (Schitt's Creek) — A side-by-side comparison of how David refers to Patrick in season 4 and season 6. (Brought to you courtesy of a lovely text post by @jesuisici33.)

David questioning Stevie's motives (Schitt’s Creek) — A fun look at David's expressive face. 😄

March and April

An existential crisis. Or two. Or five. 🙃 Managed to finish absolutely nothing.

I did come in contact with a lot of 911 Lone Star content, however. Which explains everything that follows. Oops?

May

Marry me. (911 Lone Star) — Ah, my first gif set for this show. A parallel of TK referring to Carlos as his husband when he proposes, and then during their wedding ceremony.

Wedding → honeymoon (911 Lone Star) — Holding hands right after they first kiss as husbands. (Promo footage that didn't actually make the final episode cut). And holding hands poolside on their honeymoon.

Note: From here on out, everything in this list is for Lone Star, unless otherwise specified.

June

TK and Andrea helping Carlos get ready — A parallel set highlighting similar moments from Best of Men and a deleted scene from In Sickness and in Health

We almost forgot. Your boutonnière. — In which I attempt to put a couple pieces of unaired footage back together: the deleted scene with Andrea and Carlos + promo footage of what must be the same scene

Heart tutorial — Danielle Savre and Stefania Spampinato teach Rafael Silva how to make a heart sign with his hands at the First Responders Reunion 🫶

July

🤨 (affectionate) — Listen. I love this dynamic. Had to do the parallel set.

Nothing ever stays the same, Carlos. — A look at TK and Carlos' conversation in 2x04 in parallel with Carlos' wedding vows. The first set I wanted to do for Lone Star. Took me a while to get to it because I wasn't sure how to put it together.

August

TK needs you all to RSVP — My first attempt at this type of post. Incorrect quotes? Text post memes? I don't know what to call them, really. But it was definitely fun. And then it became the thing I did most often. Lol.

And if it never changes? // What if everything changes again? — A parallel set for me and ~5 other people, putting Tarlos in 2x04 side by side with Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

September

You're a menace to society *smooch smooch smooch* — My next incorrect quotes/meme post. And my contribution to ascribing cat-like behavior to TK.

I like him a normal amount — A fandom reaction gif, essentially. Courtesy of Joey Tribbiani on Friends.

Love is stored in humans finding out we can make heart shapes with our hands — Had to revisit the heart tutorial for Rafa. This time as one of the incorrect quotes/text posts.

When you can be silly and slutty with them — Oh, I had fun with this look at TK and Carlos' relationship. 😍

Pretty sure this happened at least once — In which we learn TK was seen trying to catch a frog outside the firehouse. Obviously.

October

Carlos is lit like an angel — Commentary on that beautiful moment from 2x02 where TK falls into Carlos' arms.

I put my emotions into my cooking. // This tastes… horny? — A playful and sexy look at Carlos in the kitchen with TK, and then heading upstairs… 😏

I adore you. Why are you like this? I’m going to kiss you with such fervor… — Oh, just exploring the Tarlos relationship dynamic with a text post and a scene from 3x18.

November

Unedited Gif Game (26 entries so far) — This has been very fun. I think it was good for me to have a bunch of low-stakes gif projects where I was not in charge. Lol. I will spare you individual links to each of them. But they should all be in the tag linked here. I will probably make this an ongoing thing, as long as it's not annoying everyone.

December

Episode vs. Promo: Yee-Haw (1x02) — Let's start diving into some more unaired footage, shall we? And let's start with some alt takes on that first make-out scene.

Missing moments: then and now — From an almost-kiss in 1x02 to an alt kiss from their wedding.

You're a miracle, TK Strand. My miracle. — A rather large close-up gif of that alt wedding kiss. Why? So we can see the teardrop that beads up under Carlos' eye.

Tags below the cut…

Tagging: @rmd-writes, @reyesstrand, @strandnreyes, @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @carlos-in-glasses, @lemonlyman-dotcom, @birdclowns, @welcometololaland, @lizzie-bennetdarcy, @rosedavid, @heartstringsduet, @noxsoulmate, @chicgeekgirl89, @paperstorm, @tailoredshirt, @guardian-angle22, @swearphil, @carlos-tk, @three-drink-amy, @orchidscript, @danieljradcliffe, @lightningboltreader + open tag!

[quibbs126]

I can finally post this, after weeks!

But yeah, this here is something I made to celebrate the 9th anniversary of Evoland 2

Some people may remember this work in progress from weeks ago, but now I can finally show the finished product. Which I finished 2 weeks ago

It’s based on the 3D picture you get when you finish the game, specially the 100% completion, and more specifically, my screenshot that I took when I first completed the game and got 100%

Though I should probably also note that this was the only picture I had of the beach scene until I was mostly done with the picture, so there are some inaccuracies between it and the original. Except for Reno in place of the Prophet, that was completely intentional

This game was I think the first (and will probably be the only) game I’ve ever 100% completed, and when I did it the first time, it was just because I knew that games would have extra things for those who 100% it, and I wanted to see what the game would give me. It’s the only time I was so invested in a game that I had to know what I’d get if I got everything. It’s also the only game where losing nearly 10 hours of progress due to a (maybe) glitch does not make me give up the game in frustration, but instead complete the entire thing within a single school week

I may gripe about my issues with the game, but I absolutely love it, and I have a lot of fun playing it. Well, aside from the parts I’m bad at, but that’s just because I’m bad at them. I feel like I have next to nothing to complain about from a gameplay perspective (which is in part because I don’t know how to critique gameplay, but also because I think any issues I have are my own fault), it’s just narrative stuff. And even then, I wouldn’t nitpick it so much if I wasn’t so invested in the world, story and characters

Maybe today I’ll start replaying it again, seeing how I’m pretty sure I’m free today from any schoolwork

I’m still holding on to some admittedly delusional hope that a 3rd game could release one day, even if I know it’ll almost certainly have nothing to do with this one, but even if it never does, I’ll still have this game to play over and over again, so I can accept it

I was disappointed that I missed the last two, since I first played the game in 2022, but not this year, I remembered!

Now to just talk about the art itself, the reason there’s two versions is because I originally made the background lineless, but after finishing the characters I thought it maybe clashed a bit too much, so I made a duplicate of the picture to do a lined version. But I also spent so long on the lineless version that I didn’t want to just leave it in the void, so I’m showing it too

Admittedly now I think I can say the lined version probably is the better one, but I can still show off both

I used the card colors for the characters, since all of them have cards for reference, but now I’m looking at the colors and thinking they look somewhat wrong. At least on Menos

Also as mentioned prior, I switched out the Prophet for Reno. I know I’m biased but I really think he’d fit in this picture of all the main characters far more than the Prophet, considering he’s kind of the reason the plot started, the second half happened, and he’s the main motivation for one of our party members. I mean, I see why the Prophet’s there in the original. He’s really the only other semi-important character with a 3D model, and Reno never had one, so they’d have to make an entirely new one just for this extra thing. Also it doesn’t make sense for him to have a 3D model in the first place, especially not of his Present era self. But not only is this now a drawing where I have the power to do what I want, this scene isn’t canon in the first place, so put Reno in the background there!

Overall though, I’m honestly surprised the piece turned out as good as it did. Those who follow me know that I was really struggling with drawing during the summer, more specifically drawing people and the Evoland 2 cast. But despite all that, I think the characters turned out pretty well. Certainly not the best, but better than I was expecting. And not only that, but the background turned out so much better than I thought it would, especially since I don’t usually do backgrounds. Though I suppose it does help to have a reference for all this though. But yeah, there was a reason I was so proud of how the sketch turned out, and while the final product may not have entirely been what I was hoping for after the sketch, it still turned out pretty good

As long as I can remember it next year (which I really hope I can, considering that’s the 10th anniversary), I’ll try to make something there too, hopefully with much improved drawing skills, since I’m still trying to figure all that out again still

Not sure what I’ll draw then. Maybe I could redraw the beach scene, or make an entirely new beach scene concocted by my brain. But it’s also the 10th anniversary next year, so maybe it should be something more special

Ah well, that’s next year’s problem. For now, have this to celebrate the game’s anniversary. For the minuscule amount of people who actually play this game, I guess

[kithtaehyung]

racchanel (m) (teaser) | kth

but the thing about vengeance is...

title: racchanel (m) | ⟶ small teaser for tae day 2022! pairing: fashion ceo!taehyung x ex-photographer!reader rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , smut ; fashion au , ? to lovers summary: you were shut out from the industry before. so when an ex-classmate surprises you with another way in, you have no choice but to accept. determined to destroy the one that took everything, you’ll do whatever it takes - even if that means starting over and knowing nothing. warnings: none for teaser except taehyung being.. well, tae. full list will include explicit scenes, angst but are we shocked?, language, revenge, sexual themes, angst, this tae in general tbh, did i mention angst?, warnings will be posted with each chapter. note: so this is the secret wip that i had been holding onto for the entire year!! hope you all enjoy the snippet i have prepared for tae day 2022 because it’s but a taste of what’s to come. definitely one of the pieces i’m super excited to release in 2023! note 2: this teaser drops you in the middle of the first part! teaser word count: 2.3k | est. word count: 100k  est. drop date: ongoing series in 2023! 18+ taglist link: HERE

-

-

The trek to the front entrance remains uneventful. 

Respecting Taehyung’s space, you release your arm from his suit just as the elevator kisses the ground floor. You don’t want anyone starting rumors about you messing around with the CEO before you even launch your career here. 

Career. 

Quite a bold word for you to throw around already. After all, the contract Taehyung offered is only temporary, not to mention strapped with an early termination clause. 

Essentially, you could be dropped at any point without so much as a warning. 

And you don’t expect anything less brutal than that.

When you pass reception, you spare the boys from earlier a glance—much against your better judgment. 

They promptly avert their gazes. Typical. 

A huff leaves you before your eyes focus back on the glass doors. 

“What did you do to them,” your ex-classmate questions before the panels slide open. 

“They were incredibly rude, Taehyung,” you inform, trailing behind and struggling to keep up with his strides. “I just told them to think about how they represented this company. You never know who’ll be walking through those doors.”

The man abruptly stops in front of you, causing you to physically halt on a tiptoe to save yourself from smacking into his back. Swiftly, you find your balance right as he pins you with… a leer?

“I don’t remember you being this nice,” is all he has to say. 

“Ah, well, nice is relative.” You look off into the property gardens, not wanting to face those feline eyes a second longer. “I don’t think your employees would exactly call me a saint.” 

A rueful laugh pops out of your chest, and you turn to look Taehyung dead in the eye. 

“And besides, we went to art school. When was anyone ever nice without some hidden motive?” 

Your former classmate can only blink. 

And blink again. 

“...We’re all screwed up in the head, aren’t we?” 

You offer him a tight smile in agreement before peering off again, taking in the immaculate way everything is laid out in front of Racchanel’s headquarters. 

The gardens could be an exhibition of their own. 

“Undoubtedly,” you finally respond. “But at least you made something of yourself. Most of us are starving artists, or bartenders at jazz joints.” 

The breeze cuts right through your sweats. Quickly slipping on your hood, you wonder if Taehyung really doesn’t care about being seen with you looking like this. His single spritz of cologne probably costs more than everything you’re wearing combined. 

You should head out now.

In the distance, you spot a long black limo rolling up to the sidewalk. 

“I think that’s you, Mr. CEO.” 

Taehyung looks at you a beat longer before turning to see his ride. 

When you expect him to leave without a goodbye, you stand there in confusion when he doesn’t budge. 

What’s he doing? There’s no way he’s not already late for that appearance. 

“Tae—”

Huh? Why’s he looking at you like that? 

…What storm do you see brewing on his horizon?

“Come with me.” 

“What?”

Immediately, your brows furrow impossibly close as he repeats himself,

“To the press conference. Come with me.” 

“I look like a hot pile of garbage—”

“It’s fine—”

“No. No way. Find someone else—”

“I don’t have anyone else.”

You still.

“At least,” he weakly clarifies. “Not right now.”

Before you can wholeheartedly shut him down a final time, you take in his appearance—actually take it all in. 

You aren’t in a dimly lit bar, or frantically thinking your contract offer was a mistake, so you’re finally seeing him with a clear head. 

And what you see is frankly alarming. 

Used to seeing this man radiating confidence on anything from cereal boxes to billboards across the globe, you’re suddenly dialed into the changes in his demeanor. Taehyung’s shoulders droop just enough, the spaces under his lashes hollow just enough. 

Why didn’t you see any of this before?

Reddened eyes from the bar on Christmas Eve come back to you, causing your mountain of excuses to crumble. 

He’s obviously under a lot of pressure from the recent changes in his life. And while change for you means a temporary six-month modeling contract, change to Taehyung means inheriting a multi-million dollar company—seemingly by himself. 

There’s nothing else but a desk. In his entire office.

He may feel… So alone. 

You remember that feeling. Loneliness. It’s dark, and cold, and in the end, you have to pull yourself out of its clutches all on your own. 

Maybe Taehyung can benefit from an extra set of hands. 

“Okay,” you agree, startling him out of a stupor. “I’ll go with you. I can hang in the back, or a hallway, or something.” 

A little flame flickers to life in his eyes as he offers a close-lipped smile. 

“Thank you,” is all he says in return. 

And you don’t make him say anything more than that. 

“Shit.” 

You stop playing with the leather surface of the space next to you. “What.”

It’s been like this the whole ride. Even though Taehyung begged you to accompany him, as soon as you were both settled in the back of the limousine, he seemed to be regretting the impulsive choice. 

As if the multiple times he rakes a hand through his hair aren’t enough of an indication, his chin rubs add on to your own anxiousness. 

He’s clearly uncomfortable with something. But what the hell is up?

Now his nerves seem to jump out in the form of another curse instead of clarification. Which annoys the heck out of you. 

“Taehyung, what’s wrong?” 

The man still doesn’t reply, let alone look your way. 

Maybe he’s not answering because the answer is way too obvious. 

Arriving at a press conference with some random woman in a bunny hoodie and sweats? Yeah. That would make any self-respecting person in fashion shake in their Chelsea boots.

This was a mistake.

What was he thinking? What were you thinking!

The trip to Racchanel was supposed to be a one and done! Tell Taehyung he made an error in the applications, have him verify it, and make your escape. 

But ending up in a limo on the way to a media event? You wouldn’t have been able to write this outcome if you tried. 

Sparing another glance at Taehyung, you realize he’s starting to get downright antsy. 

So you offer to help. “Hey. If you don’t want to be seen with me, I get it. Tell your driver to pull over before we get there and I can get out—” 

“Stop,” Taehyung bites, his expression hard. “Just…” He lowers his head in between his legs, large, ring-studded hands shielding the top of it from the world. His houndstooth coat cascades down his sides, and you want to save him from drowning in those black and white waterfalls. 

You didn’t really hang with him in university, but you always remembered him as the guy that didn’t have to try hard to succeed. He was never under any pressure, academically. 

Really, the only time you remember seeing him upset was when he went through a breakup one year. Kim Taehyung apparently held a grudge as well as he held a pose. 

Reaching out, you lay a hand on his shoulder. After his initial tense, he doesn’t shake you off, so you comfort the model superstar the only way you can think of. 

Tiny circles. Comforting, warm, tiny circles. 

You don’t know if they will work. But it’s something.

Slowly, Taehyung comes back to life like a plant sprouting from a seed. You retract your arm as he straightens against his seat, watching as he rolls his shoulders and tilts his head to stretch. 

From this close, you get to see the skin of his neck. 

And wonder how even that part of him is beautiful.

Turning to you, he scoots closer to tug your hood off in a rush. 

What—

“Shh,” he hushes, proceeding to fix your head to the best of his ability. 

Your eyes roam his face as you stare in shock, wondering why the hell he’s committing to having you here and why he’s styling you himself. 

When was the last time someone else even touched your head? This determined yet this tender, at that? You can’t believe this is happening.

Never mind that. You can’t believe you’re here with him at all. His famous fingers sliding through your strands; his perfect eyelashes brushing his cheeks with every solid blink of his eyes. 

While he’s trying to salvage the mess that’s your head, his hair’s appropriately slicked with just the right amount of product and flawless styling—

That’s when you realize. 

Oh, fuck. 

Taehyung’s getting you ready for the onslaught of cameras. 

Shit, shit shit. 

Being judged by two cowardly receptionists is one thing. But being judged, photographed, and written about by a swath of Kim Taehyung paparazzi?

That’s a thousand times worse. 

Barefaced and carrying evidence of the sleepless night you had yesterday, you’re suddenly grossly self-conscious about your entire appearance. 

The gap between your statuses, experience, and overall lifestyle suddenly resembles a canyon. One so wide you can’t even see him on the other side. 

Taehyung’s right there. 

And yet you feel the furthest you’ve ever felt. 

There’s no way you belong in his world. 

What the fuck are you even doing here? 

“Taehyung,” you hiccup, quickly interrupted by the shouts of people outside as the limo approaches the conference building. Rattling erupts and rings from inside your skin, and you stare back at him with equally trembling eyes. “I can’t do this—”

“You can.” 

“Please—”

Unfazed, he simply asks, 

“Do you trust me?” 

“Yes.” 

Why did you say that so confidently? Why was that so easy to decide?

Do you really?

“Of course you do,” he sighs before pulling you in for a forehead kiss that catapults your heart into your throat. 

But you don’t get to question it before your hood is tugged over your head, dark sunglasses shoved onto your face right as camera flashes and jumbled yells spill into the opened car door.

People. Hands. Phones. Multiple camera snaps and lights and voices bombard your senses, and you’re grateful for the shades over your eyes as you hoist yourself out of the vehicle. 

Taehyung exits right after and blazes a trail for you to walk. 

“Excuse me, miss—”

“Who is she?”

“Taehyung, who is the mystery girl!” 

Through the whirlwind of paparazzi, your thoughts only convene on the cold spot where he kissed you. The freezing wind only makes it more prominent, and you barely even register that you’re walking by yourself as you follow right after him.

It’s only after you get through the heavy doors that your surroundings snap back into focus. 

Wait. What?

How long were you out in the crowd? How did you even get here in one piece? 

The sounds outside muffle as the entrance bangs shut, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were hiding.

“This way,” Taehyung directs to both you and the security detail that materializes behind you, striding heavily to the right. 

When did these guys…?

Whoa.

You have no clue where you are, but you are miles away from your apartment block. 

Taking in the expansive building, you see that it’s a true conference center, with a grand, open lobby and square footage for days. The right wing looks to house large event rooms, judging by its wide hall and the multiple sets of towering double-doors. 

Scampering after Taehyung, you make sure to stay behind but as close as possible. 

Which makes you almost collide when he stops on a dime. Again. 

You have got to stop walking behind him. 

Face scrunched in annoyance, you’re about to tell the man off—security be damned—before he blurts,

“When we get in there, just relax and follow my lead, okay?”

“Oh, I can wait out here,” you reply, more than happy to leave him to the masses now that you’ve got a taste of them outside. “I don’t mind.” 

Hands set in his trousers, Taehyung peers down at the floor before regarding you with what looks like… 

An apology. 

There’s dread in your veins.

“I wasn’t planning on putting you through a press conference this soon, but you can do this.” 

And it seeps right into your bones. 

“What?” 

His palms land on your shoulders before you can flee. 

“Look. The Board isn’t giving me a lot of time to introduce Astral, even though I told them that’s the only thing I need right now. I just…” Running a hand through his hair, Taehyung looks years older and yet years younger all the same. “I need a familiar face.” 

Hell no. 

There’s no way you can do this. 

Going with him and braving the paparazzi was horrid enough. But a press conference? 

What the fuck are you supposed to say? You aren’t even dressed.

“Taehyung. Look at me.” You gesture to your entire wreck of an ensemble, fingers trembling. “I’m gonna make Racchanel look like a fucking joke.” 

“I don’t care. This new project is going to work.” 

What? How is this possibly going to work? What single thing about this is gonna go well?

Has he lost his mind? 

“What do you mean?”

Instead of responding to your question, Taehyung only gives directions, 

“When we go in there, just keep your face neutral and your back and neck straight. If anyone asks you a question, just say you’re grateful for this opportunity. Understand?”

“Tae—”

“I’ll owe you.” 

You clamp your jaw shut, eyes unblinking as you drink in your former classmate’s entire expression. 

“I’ll owe you. Big.” He breathes in deep before looking at the doors, then back to you. “Just do this one thing. For me.”

What is he thinking?

You pause for eternity before closing your eyes, wondering if he can even see how uncertain they are behind your dark shades. 

“Fine. I will.”

What are you thinking?

“That’s a good girl,” he sighs in relief, embracing you fully before planting another quick peck on your temple. As he pulls away, your hand is clutched before you’re led right up to a set of imposing doors.

To give a press conference.

What are either of you even remotely thinking?

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tbc. :) 

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how do we feel! | taglist + extra optional teaser

a/n: ahhhh it may not make much sense now since this is dropping everyone in the middle of the first part, but i wanted there to be some mystery to everything that’s about to happen! hope you’re all ready to see what’s on the horizon for this tae and reader<33

other links: masterlist | permanent taglist (i check each entry so have your age displayed somewhere in your profile!)

[humbugghere]

Going insane over P:EG - Eva Tsunaka’s imitation「模倣」piece.

Okay, so my previous post seemed to scratch an itch for some of y’all so I figured while I’m working on the big video I should post my other analysis (if you havent seen Diana's btw its here). So I’ll be hitting on Nifast’s _imitation 

「模倣」_series again with Eva’s piece, as seen below:

(Credit to Nifast hi Nifast)

Alright let’s start, I’m copypasting this from the google doc as per usual. Prologue spoilers are in this one btw

Introduction

Eva Tsunaka is among the more enigmatic members of the cast, with many of her basic details obscured by the staff, her very own bio referring to her as a “Truly quiet and mysterious figure”, and the enigma that is her behavior in the prologue, Tsunaka has been set up to be this games “black box”, and while her essential characterization is out in the open, her deeper motives and psyche are likely to stay obscured for a while within the story.

However, via the Imitation「模倣」series, we get another glimpse into Eva, with her being given a portrait in a series of 9 covering the female cast, giving an abstract view into their place in the story.

Unlike my previous essay on Cara, however, this piece has a massive asterisk: Eva is alive. While Cara, Tacticum in death, and the information handed to us being absolute in summing her up, can be analyzed in full, there will be certain aspects of this art that can only be fully digested upon either Eva’s death or upon her survival of the killing game. Eva is a character who strikes me as one who may die incredibly early, or make it into the annals of the killing game.

Regardless, there is no doubt that her presence, in rebutting Wolfgang’s hope in the student's titles, and in the distrust sowed thanks to her talent and nonchalant behaviour, will have a profound impact on the cast, whether or not she may continue to live and act within the story. As it stands, Eva is alive. So while we may not do a true autopsy, we may begin to sterilize our tools and set the scene.

Eva Tsunaka - Within Reality

This section, more than anything, is meant to remind the reader of key moments within the prologue, that both act to define Eva’s character and help inform a calculated analysis of the piece.

The first thing of note is how Eva refers to her talent. After being pressured on how she came to be the Ultimate Liar, she waved such concerns away, simply saying it is what she is. 

This use of the word what lines up perfectly with the whole of the Imitation「模倣」series, as each portrait is framed as a response to the question “What are you?”. The response assigned to Eva, being “a lie” again lines up perfectly with her response. All of this is capped off by the end of the art book, which poses a question, almost identical yet strikingly opposite: “Who are you?”.

This question goes unanswered, at least for now. At least for some.

N doing this, we can see a very clear dichotomy between her talent, and her. While Eva has been awarded the title of liar, it is merely what she is - not who she is. It it wholly separate from her identity as a person. 

Another thing worth mentioning is the contrast between how Eva handles herself, and how the rest of the cast does. While much of the cast is apprehensive (aside from a few like Cassidy who don’t actively suspect Eva for her talent), Eva is wholly dismissive of their accusations, inviting them to believe whatever they wish to believe. While there is no direct correlation to be drawn, having this part of her in mind will serve us well.

Finally, Eva’s prodding is another key feature of her character. Being the first person to ask the hard-hitting, perhaps harsh questions to characters such as Ingrid and Cassidy about their talents, as well as serving as the principal voice against Wolfgang and Damon in the trial. While she is willing to concede if given a sufficient answer, or hopelessly outnumbers, Eva is still someone who wishes to play an active role in any conversation she has, in order to extract as much information as possible. Again, this is something to keep in mind moving forward.

We can conclude as such that Eva is a single-minded woman, one who is guided by her own questions and observations and is more than willing to disregard any ire she may attract in doing so. While this essay does not discuss her ultimate goals, we may understand the person who has set these goals in the process of doing this analysis.

Eva Tsunaka - Imitation 「模倣」

The portrait of the two Tsunaka’s, henceforth referred to as Black and White, after the colors of their respective hair, is the first one we see within the artbook, and serves as a striking establishment of the mood and rules that define this artbook. By featuring two “versions” of Eva, both that seem to look like her, yet are distinctly not Eva on closer inspection. 

This establishes the explicit theme of imitation, as these two figures imitate Eva, but also highlights how these “Imitations” can’t be considered a true reflection of Eva, both in their obvious differences to her design, and the portraits themselves framed as a response to the question “What are you?”. 

This question, while tackling many aspects of a person such as creed, nationality, and perhaps characteristics, can never truly capture the cadence of the question “Who are you?”, which directly addresses a person's Identity.

As such, we can establish these portraits serve to outline the public perception of each character, and indeed how this perception latches onto them and molds them in some regards. With this established, we can focus on Tsunaka alone.

The first feature of note is the dichotomy between the two figures, Black and White. While White seems to be wearing Eva’s iconic outfit, Black is not - in fact, the outfit itself seems to be a direct inversion, with Eva wearing a black suit over a white dress shirt, topped off with a bow tie. However, despite this glaring difference, it is Black who has any reference to Eva’s animal motif of a raven, with White’s jacket glaringly lacking the button normally seen.

Not only does this reinforce the idea that neither of these two figures is truly Eva, but it also makes the reader realizes that with their monochromatic hair and the inconsistencies between their designs in regards to being a copy of Eva - the combination - or perhaps reunion - of these two figures is the only way to truly “find” Eva again. Throughout the prologue, it is very obvious that Eva, while being a major force in navigating the strange circumstances of this kidnapping, is still someone who is withholding information. Furthermore, Eva is someone who, despite wishing for the cast to survive, pushes firmly against the idea of open cooperation.

In order to properly elaborate on how the introduction of these dichotomies helps inform our view of Eva, we must look into Black and White properly. What makes them different? For one, the exclusion of crow symbolism, while staying faithful to Eva’s outfit is no coincidence. The animal motifs are consistently a defining part of a character, especially in informing their personality. By stripping this feature from White, it by extension strips Eva of her humanity, which is extenuated by the lack of sheen in her eyes. Together, this makes White seem like nothing more than a model or a doll. 

In doing so, this reflects how the cast perceives Eva, being suspicious of her talents and her behavior throughout the prologue and likely throughout the game following the prologue. This objectification of Eva present in white is further supported by the lack of gleam in her eyes as if there wasn’t anything behind them. 

As for Black, there are several details to pick up on. For one, Black features Eva’s feather, which demonstrates how this stand-in, to some degree, is a more accurate representation of Eva, the person.

However, this falls apart upon even a surface-level inspection. Black’s outfit is quite literally an inversion of Eva’s usual outfit, with a black suit, white shirt, and a bow tie. This could symbolize the fact that, under her visage in the killing game, Eva is very much different from the stoic cynic we’ve seen. 

Furthermore, her hair is notably cut short and not allowed to grow properly in places, in contrast to white long, practically unruly hair. While White’s hair may symbolize the cast's fears that Eva may run wild in the killing game, the short hair may represent Eva’s potential being stumped, perhaps by her own fear to act, perhaps by the pressure of the cast around her… or perhaps by death.

There is also the obvious distinction that Black does have a gleam in its eyes, unlike White, lending credence to the idea that it represents the human part of Eva.

In summary, White represents the image the cast has of Eva, and how their fear and distrust of her strips her of her humanity and personality. Black, however, represents the self-image Eva has of herself, and how it both differs and is ultimately affected by the killing game around her.

Now that we have an understanding of what these two figures represent, we can now answer this analysis’ pivotal question: What is the point of comparing the two figures?

The explicit purpose is simple: It establishes the futility of defining Eva in a black-and-white manner. Her design so far has highlighted this by being a mix of black and white, in particular with her hair, which blends these two colors vivaciously. The separation of the two figures, especially in their monotone hair, symbolizes how both of these views of Eva, both the distrustful one of her classmates and her own self-image, can not truly reflect who she is. Only by understanding both of them, can we truly know who Eva is.

This rebuttal of a black-and-white view of Eva is also supported by the mixture of colors in the figures. White wears a black shirt, Black wears a white one. Both of them carry a part of the other in their designs and ergo their beings, and can be seen looking at each other's halo, used to shed light on the both of them and make them visible in the otherwise pitch-black environment. This simple gesture shows that the two acknowledge each other - showing how over time, it is likely Eva will not just ignore but accept her class's views on her, and the class will recognize that Eva is not merely a suspicious figure, but a person and potential ally in ending this game, in a manner reminiscent of Yinyang. 

Furthermore, there is also the introduction of a “wild-card” Color: Red, visible in the bowtie/necktie and headbands. Red is a color with much history behind it, being the color of blood and as such attraction connections to courage, bravery, and sacrifice. On the other hand, it has also represented revenge, danger, domination, and anger. While both neck accessories are visible, Black’s headband is obscured by the light, perhaps showing that Eva does not wish to act on any principle of domination or revenge, despite what the class thinks.

For a final detail, the page after this image, the one directly answering the question “What are you?” The answer “A lie.” is given. This again reinforces that lies, and by extension lying, are not a part of Eva’s identity, both in being a response to a question of What Eva is, as well as the raven’s eye being obscured by the letter “A”, symbolizing how Eva’s talent does nothing but obscure her true nature under a thin visage of perjury.

Eva Tsunaka - Conclusion:

This piece serves to both introduce the concept of the  Imitation 「模倣」series, as well as symbolize the conflict between Eva’s perception within her own mind and within the minds of the cast as a whole.

This is done by underlining the flaws within them. The cast’s idea of who Eva is is only a surface-level understanding (with Eva having a rudimentary version of her outfit on) - that practically objectifies her (seen by her glazed-over eyes on the right). Meanwhile, Eva’s self-image is more truthful to her, though still not reflecting her circumstances (as symbolized by the incorrect outfit) and obscuring her deeper behaviors (as seen by the red headband being obscured by her Halo).

Furthermore, by highlighting these flaws, and the differences between these two perceptions of Tsunaka, calls attention to how a genuine understanding of who she is can only be attained by considering both the public perception and self-image of Tsunnaka, as her own self-reflection may result in her cowering from parts of herself that only a neutral crowd would be willing to discuss. However, this same crowd would find it near impossible to truly comprehend her mind - like with anyone.

Indeed, this is something that can be applied to any of the students - the idea that they must make peace with their own self-image and their public persona, to truly understand themselves and each other. This, however, is a central theme of Tsunaka and suggests that her role in the story will be one that, rather than directly inspire change, will force the cast to reflect on their views of her, and in time, their classmates…  and themselves.

[tenebriskukris]

Oshi No Ko Chapter 153 - My Thoughts/Analysis

This chapter was a bit of a mixed bag for me, but it’s at least an improvement over the absolute trasheap that the last chapter was. As always, spoilers for Oshi No Ko Ch 153 below.

We start off the chapter with a continuation to this interaction between Hikaru and Aqua. With how this series has been timeskipping so much recently I half expected this confrontation to also be done offscreen. Would be par for the course at this point. Let’s see how this turns out now that we’re actually getting the proper screetime for them to talk.

Hikaru is the managing director of some media company? You’d think that something like this would’ve been shown earlier in the manga when Akane was gathering info on Hikaru but it’s honestly not that relevant now that Aqua and Hikaru are face to face like this. Again—this entire Aqua-Hikaru interaction should’ve had more buildup to it but I’d be beating a dead horse if I kept expressing my displeasure about it. 

It seems you’ve researched me through and through. Yeah, Aqua probably has done that for the movie—whether or not it’s completely accurate or not. Though we don’t actually get to see Aqua do much on that—he’s certainly researched Ai and her past but not so much for Hikaru. You’d think that after he knew his identity it would’ve been shown that he was sniffing for clues but oh yeah! The manga just handwaved that like so many other important factoids.

Interesting that Hikaru says that the movie was fiction despite the fact that the information in it was actually accurate. Considering he was involved in these events I’m not sure whether or not to trust his words in general. Not to mention this whole thing about the events being fabricated, exaggerated and some other bits excised from the movie itself. Whether or not it’s true—I think it’s still a fact that it’s not quite Ai and Hikaru’s story being told in the movie. Not perfectly at least. Allowing Abiko and Yoriko to change up aspects of the script clued us into that. The question remains—how accurate is all of it—is something that I hope to see before the manga ends.

Gotta have to give props to the art with Hikaru in this one panel. It’s very…what is the term? Angelic? No, illuminating. White background with his figure front and center. Trying to give off an atmosphere of cold certainty, if I had to pin an emotion to it. My only complaint is that his black star eyes aren’t very striking in this panel when we’ve seen Aqua’s black star eyes go hard in a lot of other panels.

She never loved me once. Now that’s an interesting thing to say. Especially since Hikaru himself is now the only person in the series that actually experienced the Ai-Hikaru relationship in its entirety. While the movie may have attempted to portray their relationship, it also didn’t do a perfect job at doing so, even if they may have preserved the heart of it. I’ll have more thoughts when the chapter ends since I want to see how this interaction develops.

So we’re finally getting the confirmation that Hikaru killed Ai. About time, really. Having Hikaru’s character and motives be shrouded in mystery for this long in the series made the possibility that he didn’t intend for Ai to die still plausible, though doubtful. The mechanism of Ai’s death has been suspected by Aqua for a majority of the series, so I’d be fine if they just handwave that factoid out of the picture. 

This movie will get me killed socially. Here we go again with this entire bit. It’s much too expository for my tastes. Akane and Hikaru both believe that the movie will get him killed socially but really, it wouldn’t be very realistic to think that unless someone directly spills the beans to the public later down the line anyway, and even then if Hikaru was popular and influential enough the industry would let him trudge on even after the reputation hit. It’s not like the industry really cares if someone high up is a horrible person unless they make too much of a mess of things for someone to go public with that sort of thing.

THE DVDS??? For the love of all the gods and deities above I need to know what are in those DVDs. They’ve been lingering in the background for long enough and defined a large part of Aqua’s motivations throughout the movie arc for so long that it’s difficult to grasp what Aqua’s thinking half the time.

If revenge against me was what she wanted then I’ll accept it. I loved her from the bottom of my heart, after all. Huh. So that’s why he’s been fine with letting the twins run their revenge scheme like this. I’m inclined to believe him here personally—but it’s also possible that he’s letting his own Issues affect his thinking. From how he described Ai before, it could that he holds some guilt in being responsible for Ai’s death that he’s fine with the twins killing him like this if it’s what Ai wanted, though this is all just speculation.

So that’s why this meeting has been so civil. Hikaru’s wanted to talk to Aqua for awhile now, it seems. It’s still bad writing that we didn’t actually get to see them interact before this interview though. Spending a chapter to set this interview up could’ve allowed the buildup to not feel like something out of a cheap paperback. Not to mention not showing us why Aqua has white star eyes in the first place and just what caused that exactly.

Wait a second the DVDs were on the table??? And this couldn’t have been easily shown to us in the previous chapter or in the previous panels??? Please. That’s bad narrative writing right there.

If Aqua can say that so confidently to Hikaru’s face then the DVDs HAVE to talk about Ai and Hikaru somewhat. Now the true test, will Aqua give the readers that info or is that going to be offscreened?

Oh? Is this still the movie? Perhaps I need to give the manga more credit if it’s actually showing us this in some detail after the fact. Though it’s also plausible that this is just Hikaru’s flashback instead of the movie—which, is probably better than showing the movie like this anyway, but something like that would have to depend on this entire flashback pans out.

That’s why you have to shoulder the burden of living their lives from now on. Welp, sorry Kindaichi you’ve just damned this young kid to a life of horrible coping mechanisms! Joking aside this entire situation is just really capital grade fucked. Even though the man was just trying to help Hikaru get through the funeral he didn’t know just how unstable the boy was. At least Ai had Ichigo and to a lesser extent, Miyako to help her through the harshness of the industry. Hikaru didn’t have the support system that would keep him stable—and even Ai herself wasn’t exactly a paragon of stability even at her best.

Also!!! Baby Taiki! If only we could’ve seen more of him in the manga—he would’ve been a great contrast to both Aqua and Ruby but alas he’s been relegated to a side character. Another pocket of missed potential, that one.

Okay so it isn’t a flashback. Hikaru actually has two white star eyes here and that’s not a trait we’ve ever seen Aqua have. So it seems we’ll be delving into more of his backstory that wasn’t covered by the movie here and hopefully more next chapter. I also wonder if he’s actually explaining this all to Aqua or is this all just him thinking in his head right now, but we’ll see the results of this flashback soon enough.

These two pages of a younger Hikaru and Ai…it’s so bittersweet. If what Aqua’s implying is true it means that Ai loved Hikaru all along and we already know where their relationship ended up after everything. 

Damn Ai. I know you have your Own Issues but it was also kind of harsh just leaving Hikaru out in the cold like that. Can’t say I blame her, but maybe this entire flashback between them will get more fleshed out next chapter to encompass Hikaru’s own reaction and how he masterminded Ai’s death.

I have a lot to say about this chapter. It’s nice that we finally got more interaction between Aqua and Hikaru where it wasn’t just Aqua yapping on about revenge. Ditto with the fact that the DVDs have finally made an appearance after being sat on for a hell of a lot of chapters by now. Though…even if the implication with these DVDs are that they explain what Ai felt for Hikaru, I wonder if that’s just all they talk about. There’s still potential for more to be dredged up by their content. Not to mention there hasn’t been much of any talk about Ai’s DVD for Ruby, but that’s also something that I wouldn’t be surprised was also offscreened considering that we didn’t see the content of the DVDs when they showed up the first time.

Then there’s also the fact that Aqua is implying that Ai loved Hikaru this whole time even after she pushed him away. I don’t quite think this reveal quite sticks the landing here. Hikaru as a character was only really revealed quite late into the series and now that we’re focusing on him these reveals about his personality and character are much too late to have any effect because either they’re all thrown at us at once or when they do give us crumbs to his disposition, they’re too obscured by the narrative for us to get a good enough grasp on him for the reader to care about him as a character and a person rather than as an antagonistic force as he was for the majority of the series. 

The point I’m trying to make here is that there was nothing leading us away from the direction that Ai loved Hikaru all along to make this reveal more satisfying. We’d already known that Ai had her own Issues when it comes to intimacy and affection, not to mention being similar enough to Hikaru that they were drawn together. The movie in itself seemed to imply this factoid by showing Ai’s backstory and displaying her own Issues straight to the reader. Ai herself seemed to be on relatively good terms with Hikaru enough that she still kept in contact with him. She wouldn’t have done that if their breakup was one that ended badly enough that she didn’t want to have anything to do with Hikaru afterwards.

I think it’s also important to note here after this flashback, that assuming Hikaru is telling the truth to Aqua, that from his perspective Ai certainly never loved him all along. He wouldn’t have reacted how he did otherwise. I don’t want to spent too many brain cells on this point because I’m sure we’ll be getting more detail next chapter, but I want to touch on this point slightly. 

Both Ai and Hikaru were teenagers that were heavily damaged by their own pasts and thrust into an industry that was poised to take advantage of them. They may have found some solace in each other at the time, but that was only a band-aid to help stop the bleeding caused by their respective issues. They never dealt with the root cause of what was causing their respective traumas to flare up. They just dealt with the symptoms of their own respective issues together and that was what kept them together for as long as they did. Their relationship was bound to end badly if they didn’t address their trauma in time and we all know what happens next. 

The entire scene when Ai says that they shouldn’t see each other any more is only given to us partially so it’s difficult to judge just if Ai just sprung this idea to Hikaru out of the blue or if she tried to lay him down gently but from the presence of the toothbrush and what looks to be toothpaste it might just be the former. Hikaru certainly would have some grounds to stand on to think that Ai never loved him if she let him down so suddenly without sufficient explanation.

But I want to go back to how Hikaru says that Ai never loved him. Aqua seems to think differently because of these DVDs, implying that Ai actually did love him. Hikaru certainly feels that Ai never loved him, despite the fact that the narrative is pointing in the opposite direction. Whether or not Ai actually loved him is irrelevant to the matter at hand because Hikaru himself wasn’t able to recognize that love. It doesn’t matter how much love another person can give another if that person isn’t able to recognize that love for what it actually is. Hikaru was unable to see through Ai’s lies in this instance and I don’t think that’s a mark against him.

While this is a case where I don’t think both parties can be at fault here—with Ai having difficulty with communicating intimacy and Hikaru’s own trauma rearing its head—that doesn't change the result of their story. Ai was unable to communicate whether or not she loved Hikaru clearly even knowing his tragic backstory and Hikaru was unable to recognize Ai’s behavior as love even as he knew that she had her own issues. Good communication is the bedrock in any relationship and two traumatized teenagers aren’t the best at it in an ideal scenario.

This is of course, assuming that Hikaru isn’t lying straight to Aqua’s face. But I doubt it, personally. He doesn’t have any reason to lie, and he’s already admitted that he thinks that he’ll be killed socially by this movie. Aqua basically already has Hikaru dead to rights here. It appears that everything that Hikaru’s done seems to be for some sense of closure. He wants to see Aqua’s rationale in making this movie in the first place.

I do have some issues with the fact that Aqua’s revenge plot seems to have pivoted to showing Hikaru that Ai loved him all along. While, sure, I can see the throughline that the writers wanted us to follow, it seems more than a bit strange for Aqua to suddenly be satisfied with merely letting Hikaru know that Ai actually loved him when he explicitly wanted to destroy Hikaru in the most painful way he knew how before he watched these DVDs. Does he really think that explaining this all to him will break him better? Or is he putting his revenge plot aside to fulfill Ai’s last wish? Perhaps this too will be explained in a flashback? 

We also see how Aqua has been planning the movie throughout the movie arc for revenge but this recontextualization of his actions because of the DVDs is executed halfheartedly. We were primed to think that the movie was made to further Aqua’s revenge scheme but during the movie arc itself Aqua changed his mind on what the movie was going to do because of the DVDs. This behavioral shift from “Aqua making this movie to take revenge on Hikaru” and “Aqua is now making this movie to fulfill Ai’s last wish” doesn’t come across clearly. We don’t get to see the different directions that the movie took within production that makes it clear that Aqua’s objective has changed at all from after he watched the DVDs.

It could also be the case that Aqua thinks that Hikaru knowing that Ai really loved him all along and he killed her will break Hikaru better, but pulling that now when the trigger of the DVDs have already been pushed is just a cheap way for the manga to have its cake and eat it too when such a direction wasn’t properly built up beforehand. Aqua at the time wasn’t able to get a grasp on Hikaru’s character as an adult so he might’ve moved on from Ai’s death completely. If Hikaru didn’t approach Aqua with this interview he might’ve never known that Ai actually loved him though this movie. What was Aqua’s plan then? Just go up to Hikaru and straight up tell him after the movie premiered?

Of course, maybe some or all of my criticisms will be addressed in the later chapters. This is the final arc where everything gets wrapped up, after all. With all the lingering threads—Yura’s murder, Nino’s involvement with Hikaru, and arguably even how Hikaru masterminded Ai’s death—still in the air, I hope that we’ll get getting some satisfactory answers alongside some chapters that don’t make me want to dip everything written on the pages in red ink.