#I’m definitely in denial about the quality of his writing and it may be because I’ve already started making sense of it

[beauzos]

Nahyuta is definitely a little underwhelming esp when you’re playing the game for the first time and don’t know his deal, but after getting familiar with his character and his story I feel like it totally opens his character up. For some it’s too little too late but I just think his concept is so damn cool and interesting I can’t help but love him. And also it’s badly written enough that I can write a lot of fanfiction about it to make sense of it myself so that’s pretty cool KDND

[beauty-and-passion]

A (not so) brief post about my favourite Sanders Sides ships

It all started with this ask:

I just wanted to write a short answer, I swear. Just a short answer with a tiny little explanation about why I like these ships in particular.

But then I got a bit carried away, my explanations became longer and so here I am, writing a full post.

One small clarification before starting: ships don’t have a place in my analyses. If I talk about connections between Sides, these connections are always in terms of friendships, cooperation or familial relationships. The romantic aspect is something different and I may joke about it sometimes, but it’s just a joke.

There is a time and space for romantic relationships - and it looks like that time has come. 

______________________________

Janus and Patton

I've always liked the canonical ship, in (almost) every fandom. So of course I like the canonical ship of this fandom as well :P

Jokes aside, this ship is incredibly mature, very interesting and terribly hard to talk about. The nature of these two characters, their roles and the episodes that had them involved proved how these two speak the same language, work in the same field and, ultimately, need each other.

* More similar that we think

If we look at them on a superficial level, Janus and Patton are completely opposites: one is cynical and cold, the other is a ball of sunshine. One is dark and suave, the other is goofy and bright. Janus' moral is "step on others and only care about yourself", Patton's moral is "help others because they are more important than you".

These differences became clearer over time, the more we learned about Janus and compared him with Patton. However, along these differences, some similarities started to emerge. Some qualities.

Janus and Patton want what's good for Thomas. They are humble enough to recognize their mistakes (the latest example was POF). They have a strong empathy. They’re kind. They’re mature adults (even if Patton doesn’t show it too often). And they both love and use puns.

But that’s not all. Along with these qualities, we found out that these two have similar flaws: they are both liars. They are incredibly persuasive to the point of manipulation. They have a huge influence over the mind (and the other Sides). They both deal with denial.

And this isn't just important, but it's a fundamental point for their character growth. Why? Because if they have similar flaws, if they are both liars and manipulators, then they cannot deceive each other.

And this is HUGE, especially for Patton! By his own admission, Patton lied multiple times, especially about his feelings (the Nostalgia episodes) and his thoughts (the most recent wedding/callback saga).

He always got away with it, because he was lying to other Sides and Thomas. But what would the point be, to lie to the literal embodiment of lies? Janus already knows what of his words are lies and what not, so it would be absolutely useless to do it.

Therefore, if Patton cannot lie to Janus, he cannot pretend everything is alright when it's not or hide his thoughts on a certain topic. He cannot shift the attention somewhere else or let a conversation drop. That means Patton cannot avoid confrontation about his thoughts/feelings and oh boy if he really needs to talk about them - especially with someone mature like Janus.

And yes, having someone who is able to see past your lies means being a lot vulnerable... but also a lot freerer. With Janus, Patton won’t have to pretend to be the strongest one: he can allow himself to be weak and confused, because if he doesn’t have an answer or if the weight of decisions is too much to carry, he has Janus with whom he can share it.

* A foundation of mutual respect

This point has never been fully addressed, but it was very well implied by their words/behaviours since Janus’ first appearance.

The first proof we have is CLBG: after Deceit revealed himself and disappeared, all the Sides and Thomas went through various degrees of shock, frustration and anger. Patton, on the other hand, was the only one who showed a pretty calm demeanor.

He should've been the angriest, considering that Janus took HIS place and pretended to be HIM the whole time. And yet, not only Patton didn't show any resentment, but he didn't talk bad about Janus (even if he had all the reasons to) and he even justified the other Side’s actions to Thomas:

[Patton]: Kiddo, simply put, Deceit is an inner coach that acts with the one intention of self-preservation.

Patton could’ve said anything, to make Janus appear as the worst. And his words could've had a lot of influence on Thomas, considering they were coming from his heart.

However, Patton didn't say anything too bad about Janus - not even in the following episodes.

Then we reach POF: Patton's monologue about his morals went so dramatically bad, he turned into a giant frog with abs and Janus had to sweep in to save Thomas.

In that moment, he could've said ANYTHING to make Patton appear as the worst Side ever. He had his chance on a silver plate: Patton was wrong, he had been wrong the whole time, he was literally ready to fight Thomas.

And yet, Janus took Patton's defense:

[Deceit]: He didn't mislead you on purpose, Thomas. I don't think the little guy... or... the big frog is capable of that sort of thing.

In addition to that, let’s consider Janus' whole attitude towards Patton in SvS: he basically spent an entire episode trying to make Patton understand his point.

[Deceit]: You can defend him all you like... But you can't change the facts. Is Thomas an innocent little lamb? Let's let them be the judge of that.

Why did he insist so much on this? Why not tricking Patton like he did with Roman or ignoring him like he did with Logan?

Because Janus knows how important Patton's role is and his whole behaviour shows respect towards the other Side. Unlike the others, who tend to diminish/forget Patton’s importance, Janus never did and always tried to reach him in the most honest, difficult way: through dialogue and confrontation.

And when he failed, instead of disregarding Patton’s importance, he just kept trying again, until his message finally reached the other Side.

* The perfect working partner

POF proved Patton can't bear the weight of the decision-making process all by himself. He needs another Side who can help him and Janus perfectly fills this role.

But why Janus? Why not Logan? Logan is a very mature Side, he can deal with a lot of stress, he's extremely organized and knows a lot. Surely he can help Patton with the decision-making process, right?

Not exactly. For his own admission, morals and ethics are not Logan's area of expertise (as it should be: logic can’t be influenced by what’s considered “good” or “bad”: logic is neutral). Secondly, Logic isn't an emotional-driven Side: logic is way less affected by emotions than other Sides - especially compared to Patton, who is the embodiment of emotions.

What Patton needs is a mature Side with a grey mentality, humble enough to respect him/not diminish his role, from his same area of expertise and enough emotional-driven to connect with him on an emotional/empathetic level.

And Janus is the only one who fills all those points. Even the latter, as we saw in the last part of POF:

[Patton]: Janus... Do you think there's a limit... on how many times someone can say sorry... before you have to admit... that they're just bad for you? [Janus]: Oh, definitely not. I'd love for someone to ruin Thomas' entire life one apology at a time. [Patton]: Okay. [Janus]: (After seeing Patton's reaction)The reality is that... it depends.

Janus' answer changed, the moment he realized Patton didn't get his sarcasm, by switching from ironic to honest. This is the kind of emotional connection Patton needs, something that doesn’t require words, but a small gesture that says more than a thousand words (yes, I’m also talking about that gaze and the small nod in the end card).

If we add to all of that the detail that Janus can nullify Patton's excuses and see past his lies, we have the perfect partner to help him grow up.

But this cooperation isn’t just one-sided: Janus needs Patton just as much as Patton needs him.

Why? First of all, to have a seat at the table. After years hiding, Janus can finally talk to Thomas, introduce his cynical mentality, make Thomas a little more selfish and help him grow up.

Secondly, by cooperating with Patton, Janus will become a better Side: he will learn to compromise, to work together and, most importantly, to trust Patton. And this is a particularly important point because, as I said in my analysis of POF, Janus isn’t used to trust others and he doesn’t want them to see past his barriers. Working with Patton might be exactly what he needs to trust the other Sides and lower these barriers, even a tiny bit.

* The romantic possibility

Considering all of the above points, the idea that their cooperation could evolve into something romantic-driven isn't so strange. The elements are all here, there's nothing weird to add nor need to bend canon, in order to make the ship happen. Their mutual acceptance can easily become need, learning more about each other can easily evolve into desiring each other and friendship could grow into passion.

And, of course, let's not forget marriage. These two can only end up in marriage. I mean, one is a dad, the other is a mom witch, so they are a perfect match XD

My point is: this ship isn't just a “cute couple being cute”. It's about dialogues. Conversations about themselves, their different points of view, their morals, their cooperation, how to help Thomas and the other Sides. It's based on listening to each other, on knowing each other a little more every day. On being silly together, working and failing together, going down and getting up, because there is someone by your side to lend a helping hand.

This is what makes Janus and Patton the most realistic, mature couple. And that's probably why it's so hard to perfectly nail it.

______________________________

Logan and Remus

Here it is, the couple that blew up after one episode and was confirmed in the most recent Aside.

But seriously, these two have a huge potential - first as friends/working partners, then as romantic partners. Logan and Remus need each other and the reasons are pretty clear:

- Having an interlocutor

Remus is Unleashed Creativity, a volcano of ideas in constant need of new stimuli, no matter if they are considered good or bad. After all "good and bad are all made up nonsense", as he said.

Logan is a walking encyclopedia in search of someone who wants to listen to him. He's pure, undiluted knowledge because that's what logic should be. No morals about what's good and what's bad, no emotions, nothing but neutral knowledge.

Considering that, it’s pretty clear these two have to come into contact. But what would they gain?

Well, Remus would have the stimuli he desperately craves. And Logan?

Logan would gain an incredibly smart interlocutor. And I’m not saying it because I am biased towards Remus, but because the canonical episodes showed us how smart he is. In both DWIT and WTIT Remus proved to be a quick thinker, with a sharp intellect and an even sharper eye. He's silly and over the top, but he's not an idiot and he uses everything he has for his own creative needs, no matter how small it is.

Just imagine this cleverness applied to everything Logan might say to him. Remus wouldn’t be the only one to benefit from it, but the whole creative process and, ultimately, Thomas himself, who will have better, richer ideas.

- Gaining a place

At this moment in time (just after WTIT) Remus has not been fully accepted yet. He is tolerated and his presence is a nuisance, but he’s neither wanted, nor banished. He’s just here and he has no voice on any matter.

Also because no one wants to give him a chance to prove how useful and worthy he can be. Thomas barely tolerates him, Patton does his best to ignore him, Roman doesn’t even want to see him and Virgil would rather not have any of the Others present.

The only Core Side who accepts Remus’ presence and is willing to give him a chance is Logan. He spent the entire DWIT to explain why Remus is useful for Thomas and shouldn’t be ignored, while in WTIT, he said: "There will be a time and place for you" - thus implying that, one day, Remus will finally be able to show how worthy he can be.

This is exactly what Remus needs: a Core Side who doesn’t see him as a nuisance or a villain, but as a fundamental part of Thomas that can be helpful, in his own way. Someone willing to give him a seat at the table (at least in the future). And, most importantly, someone who is powerful enough to control him.

Remus is and will always be a force of nature. He will never rest or stop being chaotic. This is why he needs someone strong by his side, someone who can’t be overcomed by his dark thoughts and that can put him back on track if necessary. And Logan proved to be perfect for this role not once, but twice.

- Understanding on a deeper level

However this cooperation won’t be beneficial just for Remus. As I said before, Remus could be a clever interlocutor for Logan. And this cleverness isn’t just related to creativity, but also to emotional understanding.

The Core Sides have known Logan for almost thirty years and yet, they have no idea of the inner turmoil raging inside him. They keep ignoring and dismissing him, clearly thinking everything is fine.

It took Remus one single day to realize what Logan’s problem is, how deeply frustrated he is and how much he’s actually angry at Thomas. Less than 24 hours and Remus knows Logan better than his long time friends.

That’s exactly what Logan needs. Someone sharp enough to notice his behaviour, find out the root of the problem and make Logan face it, instead of dismissing it because who cares (yes, Roman, I am talking about you and your “You'll be fine, Rome didn't fall in a day.”)

- The romantic possibility

I think almost all the fandom agrees that these two would have a great sex life. After all, Remus is the embodiment of Thomas' sexual urges, so he would definitely go for a very physical relationship.

But having a good sex life implies a lot of other great things: good chemistry, no comunication issues, great stability and greater trust. And, even more important, the desire to try new things together. Logan and Remus are both very curious Sides, they both want to know new things and experience them: so their relationship would probably be based on discussing new ideas, testing them and finding out together if they are good or not.

And this doesn't apply to just the sexual aspect: even just the romantic aspect or the working aspect of their relationship could have these characteristics. Logan and Remus can motivate each other, learn from one another and find new things together. They are clever enough to stimulate each other's mind, curious enough to do stuff together to learn something new and honest enough to not withdraw their opinions on any matter.

______________________________

Roman and Virgil

I am just recently starting to warm up to this couple, so I will keep this part short.

Just as it was for the previous two couples, these two can work together because canon made them work. The first part of their whole relationship is already all canonically established: at first Roman saw Virgil as a villain, then he slowly realized he could be a friend. Now moving from friends to lovers isn’t so difficult.

^ No need to demonstrate

Roman needs someone like Virgil, because Virgil is on his same level. Sure, Virgil’s mentality is way more gray-ish, but he still has a lot to learn, just like Roman.

Having someone on his side, who is on his same level is a huge relief: with Virgil, Roman doesn't have to pretend, nor to show off, nor to be dashing and perfect all the time. He knows Virgil won't care less, so he can relax. And for someone who is used to working all the time, having a moment of quiet with someone who has zero espectations is exactly what Roman needs.

Same goes for Virgil: he knows Roman won't care if he's gloomy and dark, because Roman already saw that side of him and appreciates him anyway. So no need to pretend to be different. He can relax too. And, because of his anxious nature, relaxing is exactly what he also needs.

So if they both need to relax, that implies they also need time to do it. And without expectations, without feeling like the other “is better than me and I’m slowing him down”, they can really take all the time they need, to grow at their own pace.

^ Growing together

Virgil and Roman’s is not a one-sided relationship, in which one knows more than the other and helps the other reach his level: since they are on the same level, if one of them learns something new, then it’s a victory for them both, because the other will be motivated to do more/learn more as well.

This isn’t just something I think, but something we saw in canon. During AA-part 2, Roman clearly stated that Virgil “make us... better”, thus implying that Virgil acted as a motivator for him.

Then we had FWSA and here we saw this sentence applied the other way around: Roman was the motivator and, thanks to him, Virgil overcame his own anxiety to push Thomas towards Nico. The final result was a victory for them both: Roman got the romance he’s desperately craving, Virgil found out a new aspect of himself: his bravery.

^ The romantic possibility

These two are a walking “enemies to friends to lovers” trope, so I don’t think there’s anything else to add XD

Only that they would both be quite passionate. One is Thomas’ romantic side, the other is heavily influenced by emotions: if the good one takes Virgil, he would probably be a very passionate partner.

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Two couples I understand

Janus and Remus -> I understand the appeal of this one and it would kinda make sense, especially from Remus’ point of view. Remus has (probably) sexual fantasies about anything, so I wouldn't be too surprised if he has a whole collection of sexual fantasies about the Side who is closest to him.

But also, I see them too much like father and son/bestest friends to imagine them having a romantic relationship.

So my take is more like that: Remus has sexual fantasies about Janus, just like he has sexual fantasies about anyone. They are his way to show his affection, how much he cares about Janus and wants to protect him.

But Remus is Remus and he's prone to lose control. That's why, since he reached adolescence and started to develop the sexual aspect, Janus put clear limits that give Remus enough space to express his fantasies, but never past a certain point.

So Remus can be very touchy (because, well, he's Remus) and extremely physical in showing his affections, but never go below a certain point. He can talk in full details about all his sexual fantasies to Janus, but never try to sexually force him. He can try to seduce him or propose sexual things, but never pretend he will accept.

And so, over time, it became a sort of internal joke between them: Remus tells his fantasies at the breakfast table, while Janus rolls his eyes with a "very interesting", they have a laugh, they keep going with their day. Remus wants to cuddle, Janus will cuddle. Remus proposes sex, Janus will just laugh and give him a forehead kiss.

In other words, they are the kind of friends who you can find sprawled on a couch, one on top of the other and imagine they're a couple, while that's just how they read a book together.

Logan and Roman -> This couple isn’t bad at all and I really like the idea of these two having a sorta-romantic crush on each other. It can lead to a lot of poetic/romantic possibilities.

The only problem is: Logan is logic, therefore he would destroy all the romance with one sentence XD and the romantic, poetic scene evoked would turn into these two arguing like madmen.

So, well, maybe the hate-sex would be great, but they would definitely spend too much time arguing. Still, I am very curious about it, so I will keep searching for stuff about them.

[holy-guacamoly]

hi lena darlin!! congrats on 200 my sweet friend<33 u deserve all this and more !!

for ur event, may i request for sfw and n sfw hcs for megumi<3

about me!

name: beanie

pronouns: she/her

hobbies & interests: i love to read & write (both poetry & prose for both in addition to fanfic hehe), singing & playing guitar, hammocking, binging shows, dancing, hangin’ w my friends, & finding new music !

about me: im an extrovert, esfj, 2w3, taurus sun, sag moon, aries rising ; i’m a joyful but also very melancholic person ; dont mean to be cringey but i’m an empath ; very much a people person ; love languages are physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation

abt my kinks: into marking, impact play, spitting, choking <3 not into watersports or scat play

thank u so much again darling! i’m so happy to be a part of your milestone<3

Beanie my dear! FINALLY, I am able to do your request! I am so sorry for the long wait but I want this to turn out in something you deserve. <3 Also I'm a little dumb-dumb, but you know that already. Disclaimer: Megumi is aged up. Warnings: mentions of choking, dom/sub dynamic, spanking, degrading speech ♡ Two words: Slow Burn. I feel like Megumi would be so intimidated by your confidence when you first met. Of course, he is beyond impressed, but he never laid eyes on such a badass woman before and was shooketh to his core! Gumi's cool and calculated deminer is suddenly all gone and he is the new CEO of being a stammering mess. You initiate most at first and kind of force him to be friends lmao But over time you grew so close, doing the most adorable stuff together. You always paint each other nails, binge every show together and it often happens that you fall asleep on his couch during said activity. Let's be real, you acted as a couple the minute you started hanging out. ♡ You guys are always in denial of your romantic feelings and the build-up tension drives everyone around you insane. For months the both of you keep tiptoeing around your feelings. Your man asks you a lot of weird questions whenever another person pops up in a conversation and it cringes you to the max. "Oh...so I met this person." "Like....met-met? Like a...dating situation?" "Uhm....like, in class." "Oh." "Yeah, oh." Finally, Megumi confesses at a party, after he saw you dancing with someone else and becomes incredibly jealous. "Megumi, what the hell is wrong?" you scream at the top of your lungs as you sprint behind your best friend who is already outside. At first the raven-haired seems to ignore you but then turns around abruptly. "I can't stand to see you with them!" he shouts, tears daring to spill over his waterline. Your eyes widen. "What? Why? I don't understand..." "Because I love you, Beanie. For fucks sake! I love you!" ♡ Finally, the cat's out of the bag and Fushiguro is the most romantic boyfriend on this planet. He shares your passion for poetry and slides little notes in your bags and pockets. It's not always the biggest love confession, but rather something like "Be safe today." ♡ Definitely is the type of guy who ALWAYS makes time for you. No matter how busy he gets, this man will move trees to see you. Doesn't matter if he works/studies till midnight. He still comes over to cuddle you in your sleep. ♡ Megumi is a surprisingly good dancer. It's his most well-kept secret and you only find out after a year of dating. You actually catch him blood-handed while he moves insanely fluently to a Rosalia song. :') For a few minutes, you enjoy the show until you make yourself known, sending this poor boy into a state of pure embarrassment. But you are beyond happy that you finally have a worthy dance partner. ♡ Nose kisses! So many nose kisses! He loves to wake you up with them while he wraps his arms around you. :( Megumi buries his face in the crook of your neck and sighs contently against your skin. He feels so safe with you. "I have to get up soon, 'Gumi," you murmur against his head, earning a disappointed sound in return. "But I wanna stay here with you forever, Beanie." he sighs. ♡ Being an empath can be so draining. Luckily your man is here to keep any kind of overwhelming feelings at bay. Megumi adores you for your gift of making people happy and giving them the feeling of being understood. It's something magical really. But he knows that you soak up others' emotions easily, positive or negative. When things get rough your boyfriend gives you temple massages and lets you ramble about everything that is going on in your life. ♡ Your outfits are often color coordinated and it is the cutest thing ever! Secretly Megumi loves to make sure everyone knows you're his.

NSFW ♡ Never judge a book by its cover. Megumi may seem like a wallflower on streets, but for sure is a hoe in the sheets. :') Definitely is a Switch. This is canon! ♡ When in a Dom mood he loves to be mean. "Open up," he commands as he forcefully grabs your cheeks between his index finger and thumb. And you know better than to disobey. As your mouth forms a wide "o", Megumi lets a big pearl of spit drop into your throat. "You are such a slut, aren't you?" ♡ But Subby!Megumi is something else! I love him so much omg. He likes when you try out all kinds of toys on him. Paddles and collars are his favorites and he begs so nicely for them. :( "Six..." Megumi moans as the hard material of the paddle crashes down on his bare skin. "But honey, we are at seven. Guess we need to start over." you muse, while you pull your lover closer on his collar. ♡ Fushiguro's hands are made for choking. Call him Gumi with the choking hands. They are all veiny and strong - A sight for sore eyes. Loves to choke you just enough to make you dizzy. <3 In conclusion: You are dating your best friend and this is something really rare. The two of you are just connected by heart - Soulmates.

[elionwriter]

Since I'm not sure I want to write new, full Fanfictions right now (I'm already working on a Good Omens one) I'm just gonna post some Star Wars/ Dinluke headcanons and prompts and ask you guys if you want me to flesh them out.

PART 1:

Their meeting and the events on board of Moff Gideon's light cruiser change things quite radically for both Din Djarin and Luke Skywalker. On Din's side, without the child actively in his care he is left without a proper goal and without a proper path. He can't go back being a simple bounty hunter, mostly because the ones he did it for are gone...

So what now? He always knew he would do anything to bring Grogu's mission to a proper end but he never actually thought of what would happen after. Nor did he immagine that it would leave him so shattered, broken and lonely.

Is it stubborn denial that his business with the child is over that makes him investigate further about the matter? A part of him wants to believe that yes, yes it is, but something about it just doesn't sit right with him. As Dr. Pershing is brought back as a prisoner to New Republic forces he is thoughtfully interrogated about his work and his part in the operations of the empirial cell. The man doesn't give his interrogators a hard time, answering everything as honestly as he can, but doesn't seem to know much afterall. Din can't help but feel somewhat sorry for him: he was taught cloning engineering by the last Kaminoans alive, apparently another species the Empire had decided were better off exterminated and forgotten after fulfilling their purpose. Except they hadn't, not completely, and now experts on the subject were even more rare than beskar. The Dr. was one of them and his knowledge and capacity was the only thing keeping him alive after the empirials sought him out. Whether or not he had any real sympathy for the imps was rather irrelevant and they were his one remaining shot at doing his actual job (there wasn't really a high demand for clones nowadays). He followed Moff Gideon's orders but he knew that the orders were actually coming from much higher up. Who was pulling the strings and what they ultimately wanted, he didn't know. They didn't trust him with those informations. All he knew was that they needed him to create a body with the kid's life expectancy and his M count. They had kidnapped and experimented on other force sensitive children but none of them seemed to have Grogu's qualities and were disposed of. When the guard told him to stand up to be brought back to his cell, the doctor looked at Din and asked "Is the child safe?" "Yes, he is." Answered the mandalorian and the other nodded exhausted "Good, that's good. Thank you." Din nodded back to him and watched him leave.

The only reason Din had been allowed to follow the interrogation was obviously Cara Dune, which had delivered Dr. Pershing and Gideon to the authorities. Cara was however busy talking with someone he didn't know, another woman, a very elegant and majestic one at that. He couldn't help but notice the friendly and intimate tone the conversation seemed to have. Cara later introduced her to him as senator Leia Organa -Solo, a legend of the Rebellion and the Princess of Aldeeran. Suddenly the two's steadyfast bond became very clear. Apparently, the Senator found the story about the two prisoners extremely distressing and had already "her best man" look into it. She spoke very kindly to Din and, as a true politician, thanked him for his services to the Republic. Din quickly changed subject and asked if Moff Gideon had revealed anything more useful than the doctor.

As expected, Gideon hadn't been as collaborative and hadn't spoken a word since he was brought in. Something in his demeanor, however, had definitely shifted and below the ever guarded and secure facade there was worry. 'That's the face of a man in deep shit! We aren't the ones he's scared of though, one can only guess what makes a guy like him fret like that...' said Cara without bothering to hide her worry.

That was the reason why Din, in the little breakes he stole from the collaboration he had fallen into with Bo-Katan and the other mandalorians, kept searching for answers. The something or someone that scared Gideon had to mean danger. And if there was danger out for Grogu it would ALWAYS be his business.

That's when he realized who the princess' "best man" was. Luke Skywalker had apparently been searching for answers too and it's during one of these occasions that they newly meet. They have a common goal and pupil to protect but very diverse skill sets and areas of expertise. That's why on the hush-hush they agree to meet occasionally when either of them seems to have some new information or lead. Neither of them properly introduces to the other, there's really no need for that, and their partnership remains for some time elusive at best. Din is a naturally secretive and private man, the Jedi on the other hand, seems to have become it, a necessity rather than an inclination. Luke doesn't ever bring Grogu along nor does he mention him, after assuring the other that the child is safe and well. Din doesn't ask. And yet, the most restless one of the two about it is the Jedi. Just like Luke can feel Din's ever present affection and sense of duty toward Grogu, Din can sense that the other is very uneasy on the matter, like two parts of him are constantly battling over something. Again, he doesn't ask.

Despite all this, however, their relationship is far from strained. There is a mutual and instinctive trust and respect between them and it becomes quickly very clear that they work well together. During the nights they have to camp or during the trip in hyperspace the two talk. They discuss about their dying creeds, their principals and beliefs, fighting techniques and recount some of their old adventures. After a while, they open up enough to discuss of their situation and daily challenges and earnestly seek the other's opinion and advice on how to face them.

Din learns that Luke is still a figure on which the New Republic sometimes relies upon, even if only for extremely delicate situations; that he spent the last few years travelling throughout the galaxy looking for lost Jedi artifacts and knowledge, hoping to learn how to best bring the order back to life for new generations of force users (expecially his young nefew); that during said travels he always made a point to help those in need and right wrongs where he saw them; that he still found himself dealing with loose ends of the Empire.

On the other hand, Luke learns of Bo-Katan's quest to reclaim Mandalore; of Din's search for knowledge and history on a culture that should be his own but that he progressively realizes he knows very little about; of his uncertainty on where he stands both with his creed and his peers and the aggravation of the dark saber which he is currently the wielder and protector of.

They feel for each other. No, they understand each other. Even as words completely fail to reveal the most critical parts of these conversations. What they do understand is this: nothing seems to make anymore any fuc****ng sense in their lives! That everything was much more simple when they were just a bounty hunter and a farm boy.

It's not that Din doesn't want to find other Mandalorians and help his people. He and Bo-katan may not always see eye to eye, but they both made extremely clear how loyal they are to their creed. It's just that Din doesn't know anymore if he still has a right to that title and to the armour he wears, if everything he was taught was a lie or not. He broke a lot of rules for the child and can't decide if that is for the best or not.

Luke, on the other hand, can't decide what to make of the Jedi teachings and contradictions he has collected. How can he act like expected and pass on lessons he himself isn't really sold on. It was his family and his ties that kept him alive and safe from the dark when facing the Emperor and his father, but it was also attachments and the Jedi's taboos that had damned his father to begin with. Should he encourage the complete detachment the old texts preached about, should he too talk only of light and cast a shadow on everything that didn't fall in that limited range of the force? But most importantly: should he keep his young apprentice from his beloved father and pointedly ignore the warm flame the mandalorian had effortlessly lit up in him?

Luke can't help but notice that when he slips and gets a bit too close, a bit too intimate and touchy with the other man, the mandalorian doesn't push him away and seems to answer this boldness with an awkward, shy breathlessness. While a part of him knows, Luke doesn't allow himself to hope or acknowledge that flicker in his chest might be mutual.

[wayward-dreamer]

Strength To Let It Show

Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3,758

Warnings: Angst. Swearing, some sexual talk/thoughts about the other person, drinking, unrequited feelings, denial of feelings. (I think that’s it!)

Summary: Y/N and Charlie have a girls’ night in, where Y/N gets drunk and can’t stop complimenting Dean. On their brothers’ night out to the bar, Dean gets drunk and can’t stop complimenting Y/N. They’ve never acknowledged their feelings to each other, and Charlie and Sam are sick of it. They devise a plan, giving them enough time for feelings to be revealed. But will Dean and Y/N take the opportunity to tell each other how they feel? Based on this anonymous request: “Dean and reader get drunk, all they do is complement each other but when they’re sober, they deny their obvious feelings.”

Story title comes from “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon!

A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this, I enjoy writing a little angst every now and then. Hope you guys enjoy it; please let me know what you think! :)

It wasn’t often that Y/N got to spend some quality girl time with someone. So, when Charlie called, she invited her over to have a girls’ night in a couple of days, while Sam and Dean went out to a bar. She missed Charlie and it would be great to catch up with her.

Dean walked into the kitchen, as he shrugged his jacket on. Y/N stood at the kitchen table and collected ingredients for the margarita’s she planned on making for her and Charlie.

“You sure you don’t wanna come with me and Sammy?” he asked, as he eyed what she was doing.

Y/N smiled, shaking her head. “Positive. Charlie’s going to be here soon with the food, so say your ‘hi’s’ and then out. Okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. Jeez, so eager to get rid of me. Should’ve known you wanted alone time with Charlie for a reason” he teased.

“Dean!” she squealed, as she reached over and smacked his arm.

Dean grinned as he shook his head. “Just kidding, sweetheart. I know you’ve got a big ol’ crush on me.”

“In your dreams, Winchester” she groaned.

She had no idea how right she was about that. Before Dean could respond, they heard the heavy Bunker door open, squeaking loudly.

“Hola bitches!” they heard Charlie call out.

Dean walked out of the kitchen to go meet Charlie. Y/N didn’t follow behind him straight away, as she thought about what he said. He may have only been teasing her, but he was right. She did have a crush on him. More than a crush; she was in love with him and had been since they first met. She just never mustered up the courage to tell him.

They met on a werewolf case, one that Y/N had been handling alone. She had killed it but not before the son of a bitch had scratched her upper arm, deep. The boys found her and insisted on bringing her back to their motel room to patch her up. One look at Dean’s green eyes and she was done for. As he patched her up, he was gentle, caring, and told her stupid jokes to distract her from the pain.

She hunted alone a couple more times after that, but the boys eventually convinced her to join them. That was now 5 years ago. In that time, she and Sam had become close, like brother and sister. She and Dean had become close too, and while she did consider him her best friend, Dean was a lot more, too.

She loved him, but she couldn’t tell him. It was never going to happen, so why should she embarrass herself by telling him the truth?

Y/N walked out of the kitchen, down the hall and into the war room. Sam and Dean were talking to Charlie. There were bags of take-out on the map table. Charlie noticed her come in and beamed.

“Hey!” she exclaimed as she hugged Y/N tightly.

Y/N grinned as she let go. “How was the drive?”

“Shockingly, not tiring. I think I’m finally getting used to driving all the way out here” Charlie replied, starting to take the boxes out of the bags.

“Glad to hear it” Y/N smiled.

“Alright, we got… nachos, tacos and quesadillas” Charlie said, pointing to the boxes.

Y/N hummed as she smelled everything; she couldn’t wait to dig in.

“Alright, we’re gonna get out of here. Leave you two to swap stories, braid each other’s hair” Dean said, checking his wallet and phone.

“Have fun” Y/N said, simply. She looked at Sam, with a pointed look. “That means you too.”

Sam shook his head, a small smile on his face. “I will, don’t worry.”

“Make good decisions!” Charlie called out as the boys walked up the stairs.

“Always!” Sam called back.

Y/N watched as Dean walked through the doorway. The door closed behind them and Y/N turned to Charlie. Charlie smiled as she watched Y/N looking at Dean. She was so obvious.

“Alright, you take a load off, put your stuff away. I’ll finish making the margarita’s and then we can eat” she said, as she picked up the boxes.

“And after the food, you’re going to tell me everything I know you’re hiding from me” Charlie said, knowingly.

Y/N frowned. “What?”

“Don’t even try to deny how you feel, Y/N. I want all the details” Charlie replied, as she picked up her duffle and walked out of the room.

“Great” Y/N mumbled, shaking her head.

She was going to need more than one pitcher of margaritas.

-x-

Dean and Sam walked into their usual haunt, the bar filled with locals and some college kids. Dean took one look at them and scoffed; maybe he could hustle the Abercrombie wannabes later. Right now, he needed a drink. He walked up to the bar where Donny was working.

“Hey guys. Usual?” Donny asked, wiping down the bar.

Dean shook his head, as he sat down on a bar stool. Beer wasn’t going to cut it tonight. “Whiskey first.”

“Jeez, Dean. Starting with whiskey… something’s up” Donny said, picking up the whiskey and pouring a double.

“Something’s always up, Donny” Dean mumbled, as he picked up the whiskey.

Donny poured Sam a double too and slid it over to him.

The boys clinked their glasses together, but Sam watched on as Dean downed it like a shot. He tapped the glass, signalling to Donny for another. He supposed his brother was starting early.

“What’s the plan, Dean? Get drunk before you start flirting?” Sam laughed, taking a sip. Dean usually paced himself through the night in order to be on his game to flirt, so this was unusual. Even for him.

Dean downed another double. “Nope, no flirting tonight, Sammy. Just… forget it.”

“Dean” Donny said, getting his attention. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d said this is about a woman.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Damn bartenders and their so-called therapy. He looked at Sam, who was smiling into his glass.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this is about Y/N” Sam smiled, knowingly.

Dean nearly choked on his drink. He coughed a few times, the whiskey burning his throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, sure” Sam scoffed. “Dean, come on, man. It’s been 5 years of you being crazy about her, ignoring it with alcohol and hook-ups. You don’t think I can see it?” Sam asked, turning on his stool to face Dean.

Dean shook his head. “Shut up, Sam.”

“Gotta say, I agree with Sam on this one, Dean. You guys have been coming in here for 5 years, and every time she’s here with you, you just strategically tell the guys she’s flirting with to fuck off” Donny chimed in.

“You’re both insane” Dean mumbled. “I’m gonna go hustle.”

Dean got up from the bar and picked up his drink. He walked over to the pool table, ready for a distraction. Booze and pool. It would have to do. It would have to be distracting enough to stop thinking about Y/N. That being said, it was a hard task because she was always on his mind. As much as he tried to deny it, he had been crazy about her since the night they met.

-x-

Y/N polished off the last bite of her quesadilla and sat back. She swirled the margarita around, and tipped her head back, drinking it down. Charlie sat in the same position across from her. They had dinner in the library, spreading the food out across the table.

“That was amazing” Y/N smiled. “Thanks, Charlie.”

Charlie nodded with a content smile on her face. “No problem. Man, I’m stuffed!”

“Me too” Y/N muttered. “But I think we can handle a few more marg’s right?”

Charlie laughed. “Definitely.”

Y/N got up and took the pitcher with her, walking out of the library. Charlie followed her into the kitchen and watched as she started putting stuff in the blender.

“So… I wanna ask you something” Charlie said, as she leaned against the doorway.

Y/N looked at her and smiled. “Shoot.” She poured tequila into the blender.

“How long have you been crushing on Dean?” Charlie asked, without missing a beat.

Y/N turned around, a look of shock and confusion on her face. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh, come on, Y/N. I saw you checking him out as he was leaving. I don’t blame you, the man is gorgeous, even I can see that” Charlie replied, stepping down into the kitchen.

“Charlie…” Y/N shook her head, not knowing what to say.

Y/N turned back to the blender, putting in some more tequila. She needed it if she was going to deal with more questions about Dean.

2 hours later…

Dean was well and truly drunk, which was a hard feat these days. He was sitting at the bar again, having won a couple of games of pool already. The room had emptied slightly, just a few locals left. Dean stared blankly, his eyes not focusing on anything with a smirk on his face.

“S-She’s s-so fucking beautiful” he slurred, thinking about her. “I love her laugh. She’s hilarious, and s-smart, I mean, s-smarter than me for sure but she’s way smarter than you, too.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, she is.”

“And she always smells so good” Dean smiled. “Like fruit. Sometimes apples, but most of the time it’s straw… strawberries.”

Sam and Donny looked at each other, trying not to laugh.

“Man, the things I would do if she gave me a chance” Dean snorted, closing his eyes. “Her ass… I hate it when she goes, but I love to watch her leave.”

Dean slammed his hand down on the bar and chuckled to himself.

“Dean” Sam tried to get his brother’s attention, but Dean wasn’t listening.

“She could do whatever she wanted to me, I wouldn’t care what” Dean smirked, taking another gulp of his drink.

“Okay, I think that’s our cue to leave” Sam huffed a laugh, trying to grab onto Dean’s jacket. Dean swung away from him, frowning. “And… she’s just so nice, right? She never says… bad things about anyone. She’s so awesome. She loves everyone and just wants to help ‘em.”

Dean went to pick up the bottle of whiskey, but Donny swiped it before he could reach it. “You’re officially cut off, man. Should’ve done it a while ago.”

Sam took out some money and handed it over to Donny. It wasn’t enough to cover Dean’s pity party, but Donny knew they’d settle it later.

“I’m-I’m fine” Dean hiccupped.

“Dean, come on” Sam huffed, trying to shift Dean off the bar stool.

“She’s amazing… and I don’t deserve her” Dean sighed, looking down at his empty glass.

“Yeah, okay. We’re really going now” Sam said, practically pushing Dean off the stool. He grabbed his arm and hooked it over his neck, leaning Dean’s weight on himself.

“See you around, Donny” Sam said, staggering away with Dean on him.

“Drive safe, guys” Donny called out.

Sam struggled with Dean as they walked out of the bar and towards the Impala. Dean was swaying, and Sam was trying his hardest not to drop him. They got to the car and Sam leaned Dean against the side, making sure he didn’t fall. He reached into Dean’s pockets, trying to find the keys.

“Don’t you think Y/N’s hair is really shiny? I think it’s really shiny” Dean remarked, as he played with the zip on his jacket. “And it looks really good when it’s down.”

“Sure” Sam agreed, without really listening. He tried Dean’s jeans pocket.

“Sometimes though, She puts it up and she looks like a naughty librarian” Dean smirked. “Makes me wanna bend her over one of the library tables-”

Sam got the keys and quickly opened the car. “Whoa, okay. Sit down.”

He helped Dean into the passenger seat, before going to the driver’s side. As he started the car, he looked over at Dean, who had fallen asleep. He laughed a little to himself, before he pulled out of the parking lot.

-x-

Back at the bunker, the girls had moved to Y/N’s room. She was leaning back against the headboard, a glass in her hand with no salt around the rim. She gave up on salt half an hour ago. Charlie was lying on the end of the bed, propped up on her elbow.

“His arms are so strong. His lips should be a sin” she sighed, dreaming of the hunter she was in love with. “I bet he’s really good with them.”

“They are pretty great” Charlie had to agree. She may have been attracted to women, but she had to admit Dean was good looking.

“His face is just made for sitting on” Y/N smiled and started laughing.

“Wow” Charlie laughed as she looked at Y/N. “You’re so drunk.”

Y/N ignored that, as she stared at the wall. “And his heart… he just cares about everyone so much. He’s the most selfless person I know.”

Charlie nodded and lightly tapped Y/N’s legs in front of her. Y/N looked over at Charlie.

“You should tell him that” Charlie suggested.

Y/N tipped her head back, trying to catch the last drops of margarita in her mouth. She frowned when there was nothing left.

“He smells so good, too” Y/N smiled. “Like leather and… something just so… so Dean.”

“You’re not listening to anything I’m saying, are you?” Charlie asked.

Y/N giggled. “Nope.”

She laid her head back against the wall, as the alcohol started to make her sleepy.

Y/N frowned as she shook her head. “I can’t tell him, Charlie. What… what would he want with me? He can have any girl he wants. He already has. I’m nothing compared to those girls.”

Charlie took a deep breath as she watched Y/N’s face morph into sadness. “Y/N… you’re way better than those girls.”

Y/N closed her eyes, feeling overwhelmed by what she was feeling.

“Alright, you better sleep it off” Charlie said, getting up from bed.

“No!” Y/N yelled and reached for the pitcher, but Charlie took it before she could get to it.

“You’re done, Y/N” Charlie playfully scolded.

She took the glass out of Y/N’s hand and handed her the large one with water in it. “Drink that, it’ll help with the hangover in the morning.”

Y/N gulped the water down and put the glass on the bedside table next to her. She slipped down on the bed, and kicked her feet up, pulling the sheet up to cover herself. Charlie walked to the door and turned to say goodnight, but Y/N was already fast asleep. She smiled and turned off the light in the room, shutting the door and walking down the hallway. She heard footsteps coming from the other end, before she saw Sam carrying a very drunk Dean. They walked into Dean’s room and Sam carefully let him down on the bed. Charlie walked in without a word and took Dean’s shoes off, as Sam covered him. Dean snored softly as he turned onto his stomach and snuggled into the pillow.

Sam and Charlie walked out of Dean’s room after shutting the door and walked down to the kitchen. Charlie put the food into the fridge as Sam grabbed himself some water.

“How was your night?” she asked.

Sam scoffed a laugh. “I think my drunk brother is the answer. How about you?”

Charlie nodded. “Well, pretty much the same. Though, I finally got her to admit her massive crush on Dean.”

“Yeah, there was a quite confession at the bar on his part, too” Sam said, sitting down at the table.

Charlie shook her head as she crossed her arms, leaning against the counter. “I don’t get those two. I think it’s time we intervene.”

Sam nodded, thinking it over. “Maybe we head out for the day tomorrow. Give them enough time to be alone around each other; see if that works.”

“Yeah. They may even get something else out of their system” Charlie smiled.

Sam cringed. He didn’t need to think about that. “Sounds like a plan.”

He walked over to Charlie, offering his hand. She took it and they shook, firmly on it.

The next day saw Dean and Y/N incredibly hungover. She cursed the tequila and swore to never touch it again, and Dean wondered how he could even still get drunk enough to be hungover. Y/N got up before him at 11am, starting on the coffee. She had no appetite just yet and hoped the coffee would help. There was no sign of Charlie or Sam, so she enjoyed the quiet for a while. She rubbed her hands down her face, as she sat down at the table.

A few minutes later, Dean stumbled in, still in his shirt and jeans from last night. He was wearing his robe over the top and his hair was sticking up in different directions. Suffice to say, he looked adorable.

“You look like how I feel” he mumbled; his voice gravelly from sleep. He walked over to the coffee, after one glance at her.

She scoffed as she took a sip. “Trust me, you look just as bad as me.”

Dean sat down across from her, slurping his coffee.

“Any idea where the other two are?” she asked.

Dean nodded. “Sam sent a message; said they were going to Wichita to see some boring French movie.”

“Man. I wish I wasn’t so messed up right now, I could’ve gone with them” Y/N frowned.

Dean looked at her. He hoped she would be fine with just his company today. “Maybe we could have our own movie marathon.”

He may have been drunk last night but remembered what he said to Sam. Maybe he had to take this opportunity of an empty bunker to tell her how he felt.

She smiled, nodding. “Sounds good.”

After they had both recovered as well as they could, the hunger finally kicked in. Deciding to make sandwiches for lunch, they made their way to the kitchen to make them before they started their Indiana Jones marathon. Y/N took out all the necessary toppings, as they started constructing their lunch.

“I guess we’re sticking to soda today” she laughed.

“I guess so” Dean agreed.

“Hey, can you get the mustard out?” she asked, while he was standing at the fridge.

Dean took out the bottle and held it out for her. Without realising it, their fingers touched as she laid her hand over his.

“Sorry” he mumbled as he put the bottle on the counter.

“It’s okay” she smiled softly, as she went back to what she had been doing.

They ate their sandwiches through Raiders of the Lost Ark but got hungry again ten minutes into Temple of Doom. Y/N quickly made some popcorn and brought into the Dean cave in a big bowl. As they watched, they munched on the popcorn, engrossed in their mutual favourite franchise.

Dean looked over at Y/N, smiling as he saw how invested she was, despite having watched these movies so many times. He picked up a piece of popcorn, flicking it at her cheek. She looked over at him as he looked away, trying not to smirk. She shook her head and looked back at the screen. Dean did it again.

Y/N scoffed as she looked at him. “Cut it out, Winchester.”

“I didn’t do anything” Dean shrugged.

“Yeah, right” Y/N rolled her eyes. She picked up a handful of popcorn and threw it at him.

“Real mature, Y/L/N” he laughed. He flicked some up from the bowl at her, hitting her in the face.

“You’re so annoying!” she yelled. She picked up the bowl and moved it away, pouncing on him.

“Ah! Y/N! Get off!” she yelled in frustration as she started messing up his hair.

They started to playfully fight, Y/N trying to tug his hair as he tried to grab her hands and keep them away. He reached up and tickled her neck, causing her to scream and laugh uncontrollably. He grabbed her hands and held them against his chest.

“Dean, let go” she laughed, trying to free her hands.

“Never” he smirked.

She saw the twinkle in his eye, but there was something more behind it. His look did something to her, a tingle running through her body.

She stopped laughing as she looked down at him. With her Y/H/C flowing, she looked so beautiful to him. He saw something in her eyes, something that resembled what he was feeling. A deep desire; something he had kept buried until now. Maybe, just maybe… he had a shot.

She had to stop this. Y/N knew that as much as she wanted to see what happened, she couldn’t. She couldn’t handle the rejection. Just as quickly as the desire in their eyes shone through, it was gone from hers. She pushed herself away from him, his hands falling away from hers. Dean felt his hope fizzle out.

“I’m still not feeling so great, I think the tequila’s still making me foggy” she laughed slightly, downplaying what just happened.

“Yeah, um…” Dean muttered, not knowing what to say.

“I think I’m going to go lie down” she said, trying not to let her sadness show.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I’ll clean up here.”

“I’m sorry. I can help-” she started but he cut her off.

Dean got up from the couch, as far as he could from her. “Nope, I got it.”

Y/N flinched as he moved away. “Okay” she whispered.

With one last look at him, Y/N walked out of the room. She made it all the way to her room before she let the tears shed, that she had been holding back. She threw herself on her bed, muffling her sobs with her pillow. She knew this was how things would end up between them. Awkward with no chance of moving forward into something new and exciting. She never should’ve fallen in love with Dean.

Dean swept up the popcorn, cursing himself internally. He had read the signs wrong, clearly. She wasn’t interested. She never would be.

They both knew that denying their feelings, as they had already been doing for the last 5 years, was the only thing they could do to protect themselves. That’s what you had to do as a hunter.

Even when you wished for the strength to show your feelings, you had to bury them.

It was easier that way.

Tags: @flamencodiva @deanwanddamons @winchest09 @katehuntington​ @akshi8278​ @hobby27​ @michellethetvaddict

[04tenno]

I read through your post regarding Mine’s practically undeniable attraction to Daigo, and I was a bit surprised to see that the phrasing of intense love had never died down in official RGG works regardless of how many years have passed from the third game. Something unsurprising, however, is that I had seen users on the Yakuza subreddit claiming that the love comment was “up to interpretation as to what kind of love it is was.” I just think it’s extremely fishy how they say that, and then choose to believe it’s platonic while beating away any belief that it’s romantic. You really hit the nail on the head when talking about the denial and rejection people have towards it. And calling others fujoshi for seeing it as non-platonic? Another non-surprise.

-

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on other characters. Like maybe Majima? Your post was a really good read, and it just had me curious about anything else. Really wish Mine could have been around in more games as it would have been interesting to see what else they could have done with his character.

The reason it came as a surprise that the studio never let up on this aspect of Mine to me—I don't know if this is the case for you—was because it was a clear indication that their characterization of Mine was in earnest. They made it impossible to miss (well, to whom it may concern) and kept it that way. That isn't something I personally feel the studio has been able to replicate since then. Which isn't to say I'm looking to downplay the existence of other LGBT characters or the unique connection fans may feel towards characters they interpret as LGBT, but for me, when it comes to discussing LGBT themes and interpretations in this series, I'll admit outright that I don't have any interest in putting my thoughts out there on any serious level until and unless the studio can bring themselves to say it with their whole chest like they did with Mine. I've said everything I feel needed to be said it comes to that.

Hot on the heels of RGGO's Yakuza 3 "memorial" this month where no one so much as breathed a syllable of Mine's name, I definitely think he's underrepresented. Even so, the reason I was able to make the post in the first place is because the content we do get is, if nothing else, extremely consistent. The phrasing of intense love never died down, like you said, and neither has the quality of his writing as a character (which remains some of the best in the series), because the studio's laser-focus on what Mine's essence as a character is has never changed. (Tangentially, it's unfortunate the team working on RGGO will probably never reach the level of enthusiasm they had for Ichiban or Ryuji's stories again, since Mine was also in consideration to be a protagonist at one point.)

By the same token, that's why I don't know when the next time I can put out something that's up to the same standard as "the Mine essay" will be. It might look well-put-together (or so I hope!) but it was actually 100% off-the-cuff. I believe there was a small "influx" of edits to Mine's article and if I recall, someone was bothering my friend Ada @okitanoniisan (love u sorry to ping re: this particular topic) about it around the same time. I happened to have a point I wanted to make that was fresh on my mind since I'd been translating Mine's RGGO content and I'd finished Y3R (in one sitting!) with Ada not too long before, and I happened to have the sources to back that point up. That's all there is to it. At the same time, it wasn't only an unsolicited, raw, and mostly uncensored dive into an aspect of the franchise that's often overlooked. Anyone that talks to me regularly can attest to to the fact I'll bang one of those out at the drop of a hat. It was both that and something I knew for certain that people might take interest in, positive or negative or maybe out of curiosity.

It's not only things like how it's often difficult for me to gauge whether there's an audience for the topics I genuinely want to talk about, or how when I know there is one (as is the case for fan-favorites like Majima) I often feel like anything I could say has been said already, but going back to Mine being underrepresented as a character, the fact he was never given the chance to evolve is exactly, and kind of tragically, what makes it possible for me to make authoritative statements about him as a character. I don't have moments where I think I'm "missing something." I don't ever feel like I need to review an insurmountable amount of content to begin to make a statement (or even to find something to make a statement about). I don't have to be held accountable for how I translate or interpret things on a larger scale.

Which is to say I'm not sure where I want to take this blog, but I don't see that type of long-form content (or much of any content) in its near feature. I just don't know what there's an audience out there for and I'm not in a position where I can take a chance on potentially over-investing my time and energy into something like that.

[longinglook]

I may or may not have spent my entire Sunday binge watching all of I told sunset about you and Gaya sa pelikula and now I have so many thoughts and feelings that I need to write about them so here we go! Under a read more (if tumblr allows me to) because it’s 2k words hehe

First of all, I knew next to nothing about both shows before starting them. I had seen a couple of gifs here and there, but really had no idea what I was in for.

I started with I told sunset about you, which has 3 episodes out of 5 out. All I knew is that it was going to be beautiful and possibly sad, and it was. Everything about this show is so high quality, from the audio to the dialogue to the locations to the acting, just wow. The production is better than a lot of movies I’ve seen, and every technical aspect is perfect. I am really loving the plot so far as well, I find the childhood friendship to stubborn rivalry to grown up friendship again very relatable. I think it’s a very common experience for a lot of non straight folks to develop an extremely close bond with a same sex friend when you’re too young to realize what you’re actually feeling for them until you’re a lot older and suddely the jealousy and possessivenes all make sense.

I love the recurring themes sprinkled throughout the episodes, starting from the chinese vocabulary that expresses the core thoughts of the two main characters: rival, intimacy, secret, male protagonist, as promised. They could easily be the episode titles, or the names of imaginary sections the show could be divided into. It’s a great way to integrate metaphors and deeper meaning into the plot.

That’s how most of the communication goes in this show, deep emotions are never conveyed through words because words are scary and loud and they can’t be taken back once they’re out there. The plot advances though stares and gestures and touch and gorgeous shots of the landscape. The pace is slow with hour-long episodes that could each be a movie of their own. This worried me a bit before starting, and I have to admit that at times I struggled to stay focused, especially during scenes that set the mood but don’t do much plot-wise. This is just a personal preference, though, and in no way I see it as a flaw. 

The dancing around each other the main characters do, sometimes literal, is frustrating but it determines an emotional build up that’s just starting to reach its peak. This is one of those shows that has me screaming if only they talked to each other, but the silences and unspoken words are so well directed and acted that it works. I struggle a lot with keeping in mind that they’re still in high school, they’re very young and I can’t expect them to act rationally just yet. 

I was really worried about Teh possibly going the insufferable Theory-of-love-khai way, and I am still not 100% sold on him. When he started helping Oh-aew again it felt like he was just doing it to make himself feel better about the whole thing. It was frustrating to see him so possessive and jealous while also so deeply in denial about his own feelings, to the point where he had me rooting for Bas instead. He was getting better, but then he fled at the end of episode 3 and now I have no clue what’s going to happen next. About this, I really have no idea if they’re going for a happy ending or a sad one. I’m really hoping it will be good, because so far there has been barely any emotional payoff for all the repressed longing and misunderstanding the show has put us through.

I do like their dynamic a lot though, I have a weak spot for childhood friends reconnecting and an ever weaker spot for informal mentor/mentee relationships. Oh-aew asking Teh to tutor him until he passes the admission exam was an almost exact mirror of Yuri on ice Yuri begging Victor to be his coach until he retires and I loved that a lot.

Now on to the one issue I have with this show: it feels too much like an art film. It reminds me of Moonlight and Call me by your name, in the way that I wasn’t able to connect with those movies because they are too perfect. They are so beautiful and carefully crafted that I can’t fully immerse myself in them. There’s a filter that stops me from relating to the characters and constantly reminds me that this is not reality. It’s pretty, it’s extremely well done, but it feels like art. It has some quirks, some scenes that feel too artificial. One scene in particular, the one where Teh buries his head in the paper Oh-aew wrote with his coconut scented pen to sniff it, which is a direct parallel to Call me by your name, bothered me in particular. Just as it felt over-the-top and purposefully weird in the movie, so it feels in the show. It’s a way of showcasing how a confused teen deals with attraction he barely understands, it’s raw and animalistic in a way, but it’s so quirky that all it accomplishes is to remind me that I’m watching an lgbt show. It makes me wonder if a scene like this would make sense in a straight relationship because here it seems to highlight how different and primal his attraction is. If I had to pinpoint it, I’d say that I have a problem with media showcasing queerness though peculiar, purposefully awkward scenes like these instead of normal kissing and cuddling.

Overall, I can’t wait to see how this show ends and I still think it’s one of the best bls to air in 2020, if not ever. It’s refreshing to see something with a big budget used well! So far my rating is 8/10, which I know is a lot lower than what everyone else seems to think but it’s still very much subject to change! Just hoping they won’t pull a Make our days count, but I doubt they’ll go there.

And now Gaya sa pelikula. Wow. Again, I knew next to nothing about this show before watching, and I was coming from a 3 hour I told sunset about you binge watch, so the bar was pretty high.

And boy, did this show deliver. I was blown away by the depth and the humor of it. It feels like the writers had fun taking all sorts of common tropes and stereotypes just to show everyone how well they can be evolved and made complex. Two strangers who somehow find themselves sharing an apartment sounds like the start of so many fanfictions out there, but it’s so well executed and interesting that you don’t even stop to think about how weak the premises for their meeting are. It doesn’t matter and it’s not even that far-fetched, either. The sister and the neighbor are also two characters that start off as extra stereotyped, but in just a few scenes they unveil an incredible depth and backstory. It blew me away.

Each character is so realistic. Everything they do and say makes sense, they all have their reasons and their past and they react accordingly, it’s so coherent. It’s impressive how everything takes place inside the house and you barely realize it because things happen and the plot moves anyways, and the way information about external events and people is conveyed is so seamless that you don’t even notice it. In only 7 episodes (so far) they have managed to give everyone a complex background and personality through the use of objects and small details and wow don’t get me started on the music.

The soundtrack is SO GOOD. I never really pay attention to music in shows but it plays a very important role here in my opinion and, well, it’s exactly the kind of music I like listening to and ahhh I just spent 4 hours playing the first kiss song on loop so I might be biased. Right from the start in episode 1, when Karl gives in to Vlad’s music and starts dancing to it, it’s established that it’s an important element to the mood of each scene. I love how the dancing I talked about for I told sunset about you comes back here, but while I saw it as a hesitant dancing around each other there, here it’s the opposite, it’s freeing and it’s about accepting yourself. And the end of episode 6 highlights this, with the beautiful quote “You are entitled to a love that lets you dance without fear and shame.” It made me cry a looooot.

I think the development of their relationship is masterfully done. It doesn’t happen too quickly nor too slowly. Karl goes through some needed shocks that act as his wake up call. When I’m watching bl shows I care the most about them feeling real and relatable. I don’t want to feel like they were written by a straight person trying to guess what it’s like to be gay. Now I didn’t look anything up about the Gaya sa pelikula writers, but I’d be very surprised if they were straight. I can relate to both Karl and Vlad for different aspects of their stories and their worries and thoughts. There was one part in particular that hit so close that I had to take a few breaks because it hurt too much. I am a lesbian, I’ve had relationship with a girl that lasted over a year, I am out to some friends but not all. I never came out to my parents, who are both very open minded and friends with a lot of gay people and would love me just as much if I told them, and yet I can’t. It’s not just that, I am terrified by the idea of them already knowing or being able to guess. When Karl freaked out over his uncle guessing, it hit me so hard because I’ve felt the same way so many times.

Episode 7 was amazing. I hate badly written drama the most, and 99% of shows can’t come up with any good reason for drama but they have to put it in there anyways and it sucks. This was the complete opposite, I adored it and I say this as a lover of fluff. It feels right, I think it’s an issue that would come up between two people like them. They are both right and the only thing that could happen there is what actually went down. I definitely think things will be fixed by the end and I am looking forward to it, but I am very glad this issue was included because it’s so important and so true to many lgbt people’s lives.

Another aspect I absolutely adored are the multiple references to lgbt theory and language, and Vlad has some of the best lines I’ve ever heard coming from a bl. When he tells Karl not to be afraid of the word, when he explains that “you don’t look gay” isn’t a compliment, when he scolds his sister for not acknowledging the things she used to say to him by covering them up with her ally act, those are all such important and educative moments that I hope everyone listens to. I love that Vlad is not correcting some ignorant bad guy, but it’s his accepting and loving friends and family that make the mistakes, because sometimes being supportive your own way isn’t enough if you’re not actively learning from the ones you want to support.

This is a 10/10 for me right now. I can’t find anything I don’t like about it. It never feels boring, it never feels overdone, it never feels cheap or unoriginal. It went straight to the top of my favorite bls.

And now I can’t help but compare the two a bit, because yes they are two different shows but right now the relationships they portray have reached the same point: there has been a climax and now the one who is more confused about his sexuality is panicking and taking a step back. It’s a coincidence that I watched both shows on the same day when their last aired episodes end in such a similar way, but it really leads me to compare the two. I don’t want to put them one against each other or say which one did it better because that’s not the point of this, they are both two amazing and important shows who are excelling in what they’re doing. 

Gaya sa pelikula is down to earth, it’s explicit and it’s straight to the point in explaining what’s going on inside each character’s head. It feels like watching real people deal with real struggles. I told sunset about you is a lot more subtle and quiet, and since we don’t really have a clear insight in the characters’ heads sometimes it’s hard to completely understand what’s going on with them. It’s a completely different way of narrating, and while Gaya sa pelikula makes me feel like I’m a part of the events, I told sunset about you feels like I’m just spectating from an outside perspective. They are different choices, but one of them ends up feeling a lot more emotional to me than the other.

To wrap it up, I highly recommend both shows and I can’t wait to see how they’ll end! They are both among the best shows of the year, both free of all those annoyingly stereotyped characters and plot points that most bls tend to overuse.

[conservativetranny]

2020 blog update

Hello. No idea if any of you ‘remember’ me but I do seem to have a fair few followers on here. I managed to access the login information for this account and it is safe to say this blog is dead. I denounce everything I stood for on this stupid shit. 

I’m writing this because it’s what the blog deserves. Not looking to be dramatic, not looking for sympathy, in fact I think i’ll get a bit of backlash for this but bring it on. 

The past and the present- a summary

I had this blog when I was 14, unfortunately way too young to have a social media presence (one which carried any responsibility like this one anyway). No matter what age I said I was, no matter how I portrayed myself or how you, my followers interpreted me, I was a sad young trans guy desperately hoping to look big, cool, masculine and stoic, and that manifested in the most toxic way possible. 

I’m 17 now, still very very young, and after developments in my life, especially pursuing my medical transition and becoming happy within myself, I no longer hold such toxic beliefs as I once did. I am happier with myself and no longer feel the need to sacrifice others’ dignity, respect, and unfortunately sometimes on this blog, privacy, for my own. I was a very insecure, stubborn, and ignorant teenager, who dealt with a lot of denial. I’m not blaming the way I treated people online on other factors, but of course external factors came into play. I was dealing with bullying and insecurity, with parental problems, and with loneliness and depression. I seeked some sort of community, and I wanted to push myself away from the ‘weak’ trans community (the way I viewed it at the time). I wasn’t in denial personally, with the fact that I was trans (being gay is a different story- I was in complete denial with the fact that I’m gay), more just with the way other people viewed me (I will expand on this). I could elaborate on the way in which I viewed other people and the way that projected onto my conduction online, but it is a complex and confusing story. I have completely changed my viewpoint on trans ‘discourse’, I am open minded, I am close friends with people I would have turned my ignorant nose up at years ago. I am so proud to say that I am a completely different person now. I grow every day, it seems, and I can assure that I will never return to this ignorant mindset.

Growth

With experience, I have grown too. Obviously, from 14-17 i have become more mature. I have different experiences now as well, for example, I don’t bind often at all really anymore, because its more comfortable and can sometimes make me more dysphoric to know I am binding. I’m bringing this up because I bet you back when I was active on this blog, I would’ve laughed at the more mature, tolerant me, and probably went on a tyrade about how I was a fake trans guy or less of a man for not binding. I often wonder what ‘old me’ would think of ‘new me’. Now obviously, three years isn’t a hell of a big difference, but to a 17 come 18 year old it is. I understand I am not an adult yet, but I’ve always taken pride in conducting myself with a sense of maturity and articulacy, and for this post and platform especially I feel it is appropriate.

The Truscum Mindset

Back when I ran this blog, I was in an echo chamber of like minded people, which didn’t help my ideological development. I watched youtubers like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah, who I thought gave me a balanced, moderate, and fair opinion which is clear is not the case. Back then I would’ve scoffed at the idea of Blaire and Kalvin and other similar people as being radical or a gateway, but I urge you, if you feel you are slipping to obsession with those ideologies, to seek to widen your opinions and associations. I understand it’s a fairly niche discourse topic, but for me it opened a wider rabbit hole into the alt right. From wanting to fit into the lgbt and wider communities as a masculine male, this opened up the black hole of the alt right, I browsed (now deleted) subreddits and 4chan boards, and forums that put me in a very negative and dangerous place. If you’d like me to make a post elaborating on this, I am more than happy to, but this post is to address conservativetranny.

Denial and owning up to responsibility

Back in 2017/18, I was very much in denial of certain aspects of myself, especially my sexuality. I am gay. I thought that this was, and especially as a trans guy, a demasculating quality. I still deal with those feelings sometimes, as a lot of young gay guys do, but thankfully it does not manifest itself as toxic as it once did. I just wanted to portray myself online as how I thought I wanted to be viewed-I didn’t want to be viewed like ‘any other trans guy’. I wanted to be different, but now I can appreciate individuality and I can also embrace being trans as well.

I used to think that having alt views was the coolest thing ever, which contributed to my slip into the alt right, something on which I’ll elaborate on in later posts. I am now an advocate for deradicalisation, and being rational, truly rational. I’m also an advocate for maturity and owning up to your mistakes.

I have hurt people, especially in my personal life, throughout my time as a stupid, thoughtless immature teenager and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for that. I now respect the hell out of those people and unfortunately, but definitely rightfully so, they have lost their respect for me. I don’t blame them, because as I said, up until very recently I was a horrible, toxic person. With maturity, in the past half a year I have been able to own up to my mistakes and I am now taking responsibility for that. No excuses, because I was a shitty person. Of course there is a line between excuses and justification, and I hope those which are reading this can distinguish and appreciate this difference.

Self Hatred and Truscum

Back when I ran this blog, it was very easy to tell I was self hating. Everything I wrote on here, pretty much, was hateful except for the odd two posts that were about something unrelated to my ideology. I was extremely dysphoric and in a bad place when I wrote these things and certainly projected my insecurities onto others. I wanted to find a community of different thinking people that would accept me, and this community was certainly the wrong turn. I had a feeling that it was wrong at the time, but I was too naive and cowardly to own up to it and seek a way out. I kind of just naturally fell out of it, a a lot of things happened in my personal life in late 2018 that forced me out of trans discourse and into much more toxic places like the alt right and true crime fandoms, and I think I’ve only recently ‘found myself’ in the past year or so. I might make a post on self growth on the future as I intend to keep this blog to elaborate and voice my opinions on deradicalisation and highlight the importance of owning up and self awareness.

Don’t fall into the rabbithole

I’m not too acquainted with trans discourse anymore, so I’m out of the loop on this one, but I’d imagine that there’s still ‘transmed vs tucute’ ideas. Kalvin Garrah’s community comes to mind, I haven’t watched his videos ‘as a fan’, if that makes sense, for a while now but I am aware he has a large fanbase of young trans teens that were in a similar mindset to where I was back when I ran this blog. I would love for this post to reach his opposers and supporters for that matter, as a means to show them that they don’t have to fall into this cycle of hate which can be very damaging. I used to be an avid fan of Kalvin, and Blaire White, amongst others. I watched exclusively their content alone and formed my opinions around theirs. If you’re doing that now, I urge you to consider other people when you do. Think about the people like Brennan Beckwith, people who were severely impacted and hurt by hateful rhetoric. Those people are human too, and with maturity you will learn that people with different experiences and views are, at the end of the day, the same as you, and they have feelings as well .I’m going to make a post in the future about Kalvin Garrah, certainly, but maybe Blaire White as well.

Why now?

You may be wondering why this post is being made now of all times, and that is a question that has every right to be asked. I feel as if this timing is right because I finally possess the level of maturity needed to own up to my mistakes and tell you that I was wrong and it was certainly wrong to post those opinions and mistakes online for all to see, and put people in my real life on blast like I did.

I had completely forgotten about this blog, and forgot about the rude and ignorant words I had written towards the people in my real life, until chance had it that I was in contact with one of the people mentioned in this post. [https://conservativetranny.tumblr.com/post/169351517511/no-one-pretends-to-be-trans]

I’m not going to go into the nuances of the conversation we had, but it turns out they had, for a while and definitely rightfully so been hurt by the fact that I had mentioned them, by name, in this post. And while I’d of course still like to keep these people anonymous and will not sacrifice their anonymity in order to tell a story or ‘save myself’, this post is quite funny to read back on as I am good friends with the people referred to as ‘P’ and ‘Shadow’ now.

This is the end of this post, as I feel I have said everything I have wanted to say regarding my previous conduct on this blog. I’m going to change my name on this blog and my bio as I do intend on further posts in the future. I’m not sure how many people, if any, this post will reach, but I’m satisfied I have written this anyway. I certainly do plan on writing future posts but I’m not exactly sure how to formulate them. But thank you so much for reading this far, and if you have, I appreciate it.

[teamhook]

|AO3|

|FFN|

I want to thank @captainswanmoviemarathon and the shipmates on Discord.

I want to thank my Beta @ultraluckycatnd for her patience.

Chapter 2

The next day at work started as any other day. David was explaining the features of a Blu-ray player to an older man. 

Leroy was grumbling about Astrid forgetting to pack his lunch again, so he announced he would go pick up something to eat for the group.  

Arthur was idling by until a new customer arrived.

Killian was in his little office working, hoping today would be a better day.

The difference was that today a beautiful blonde entered the store. She was wearing some tight jeans and a red leather jacket. Arthur admired her from afar as she walked down the store aisles.

She stopped in front of the cameras and her head tilted to the side slightly. 

“Excuse me, Miss. Is there anything I can help you with?” Arthur smoothly asked. 

She turned to face him and glanced at the cameras. “I’m looking for a camera. Something cheap but decent quality.” She turned her attention back to him only to notice he was staring at her chest as if he could see through the sheer material that covered her breasts.

Killian was walking from his workspace as he noticed Arthur talking to a customer. He stopped for a second when he could see the woman’s face. It was the lovely lass who came to his home looking for Lacey. She looked stiff, no, uncomfortable. Bloody hell, Arthur was creeping her out. It was time for a dashing rescue.

Killian approached and greeted them. “Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt.” He smiled at her and turned his attention to Arthur. “Mate, Cruella is looking for you.” 

Arthur grimaced. “I’m with a customer, Killian.”

“I’m sorry, mate, she says it’s urgent.” 

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry, Miss. Killian will take care of you.” Arthur walked slowly to the back, clearly in no hurry to deal with their boss.

“I’m sorry, Miss. You looked uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, well your coworker is a jerk, but no one saves me but me. I was about to punch him in the face.”

Killian smiled at her. “I see, you’re a tough lass. How can I be of help, my lady?”

She smiled back. “I was telling Mr. Douche that I need a camera. I’m looking for a camera for my kid. He wants to sell stuff on eBay. And I'm not your lady. My name is Emma.”

“Oh, do you have a price range or any brand preference?” He couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Of course, a beautiful lass like her couldn’t possibly be single. He was not that lucky. 

“No, I don’t. I need something inexpensive but gets the work done. He's only doing it to earn money for some writing camp. He wants to be a writer when he’s older.” 

“He sounds like a wonderful young man. You and your husband must be very proud.”

“Is that your subtle way of asking if I’m married?” Emma smiled sarcastically at him. 

Killian scratched behind his ear and stuttered his denial. “No, it would be inappropriate for me to ask.”

“Would it be inappropriate if I said I’m a single mom?”

“No, it’s not. Um.” His attention turned to the cameras on display and he grabbed one. “This is a Nikon Coolpix A100 20 MP Digital Camera and it’s $98.99, but with my employee discount I can knock it down for you to $79.13. I think it will work for what your boy needs.” He smiled.

“You don’t have to use your employee discount,” Emma insisted. 

“It’s the least I can do. Arthur was unprofessional and it's a thank you for warning me about Lacey.” Killian smiled as he handed the camera to her.

Emma eyed him suspiciously; most men only do nice things for her if they want something, but this guy seemed genuinely kind. “Okay, but maybe I can buy you a coffee or something?” 

“That’s not necessary, lass. I just hope it’s of use for your boy.”

They walked to the cashier section, and Killian went behind the counter to charge her. She thanked him, and he watched her walk away for the second time.

No sooner had she left, when Arthur returned from the back office. “Hey, Jones. Cruella wasn't even looking for me, and because of you, she kept me in her office, trying to get me to,” he shuddered, “to ‘service her'.”

Killian winced. Cruella tended to attack Arthur and himself exclusively since David and Robin were both unavailable and Leroy was Leroy. 

Arthur shook it off. “So, where’s the hot blonde?”

Killian glared. “I helped her find a camera for her son.” He had a feeling that the fact she had a child would definitely be a turn off for Arthur. 

“She has a kid? What a waste.” Arthur walked away and put the blonde in the hell no category.

Later on that day, Killian was enjoying his lunch in the solitude of his little workstation. Arthur smiled at him as he entered. “Hey, I’ve been thinking; we should go out. Just the two of us?”

Killian stared at Arthur. 

“Hey man, it’s just unnatural for you to still be a virgin. I mean, you are not that bad looking. Yeah, a little nerdy, but I think we can find a willing woman to do you the favor. If we can’t get anyone, I’m sure Cruella would gladly offer herself.”

Killian’s ears turned red. “I don’t know, mate. I have plans.”

“Come on, what are you going to do? Go home and eat dinner, then watch some nerdy show and finally sleep? Think about it.” Arthur walked away.

Killian regretted not accepting the cup of coffee the lovely lass had offered. He was sure Arthur meant well, at least in his own way. Would it be so horrible to find a nice girl to be with? The right girl? Maybe she had long, blonde hair and sparkling green eyes.

It had been a few days since Emma purchased the camera for Henry. Her kid had loved it; he had been so excited. She had briefly mentioned how helpful Killian had been and that he had some collectibles. Her kid’s eyes grew wide. She had to add that she didn’t think Killian would be selling them, but if he wanted, she could ask for Killian to show them to him. Would it be too forward? There was something about the guy she really liked. He was nice and a gentleman. Hmm, there weren’t too many of those around anymore.   

Henry had noticed his mom had a genuine smile when she handed him the camera. There was more to it, but he wouldn’t pry. Just yet anyway. 

At dinner some days later, Henry asked, “Mom, I was wondering if I could spend Friday night over at Avery’s? We are working on a project for school.”

“Sure kid, what are you guys working on?”  Emma asked as she took a drink. 

“It’s a special project and I also have to work on my submission for writer’s camp,” he said looking down.

“Alright, do you need anything for it?” 

“Well, my computer hard-drive needs cleaning and it's running a bit slow. I was wondering if we could take it to the IT guy at that place you bought my camera. I checked their website and the prices are reasonable.”

“Oh, okay. We can do that. Do we need to make an appointment? The place is small, not a big electronic chain company,” Emma said. “This has nothing to do with your curiosity over the toy collection I saw, right?”

Henry smiled. “Nope, I promise. But if he wants to show his action figure to me I won’t complain.” He shrugged, donning a big, toothy grin. 

“I don’t know if it was a mistake telling you about that collection or not, kid. He might be a nice man but maybe I overstepped.” Emma said, smiling back. “Are you going to tell me anything about the special project or your submission for the camp?”

Henry studied his mom’s face. “I want you to be surprised.” 

“Alright. I won’t pressure you into telling me. We can go tomorrow right after school. Okay?” 

“Thanks Mom!” he said with a big grin. 

The grumpy man gave Emma and a smiling Henry directions to Killian’s workstation and they walked directly there. 

The space was immaculate. She noticed a small bell on the desk, so she rang it. From the back room there was some clattering, and some muttering was heard right before a booming voice shouted out, “I’ll be right with you. One second please.” 

Emma turned to Henry and ruffled his head fondly. 

Killian appeared from the room. A bright smile landed on his face as soon as he noticed who it was. “Hello, how may I help you?”

“Oh, hello. Uhm.” She nudged Henry. 

“Hello, I’m Henry and I was wondering if you could take a look at my laptop. I think it needs cleaning, it’s running slow.”

Killian took the laptop from the lad. “Hello, Henry. I’m Killian and I can gladly do that. Just let me run a diagnostic on it.” He went to the back room and came back with a flash drive and installed his program on the laptop. He gave Emma and Henry a smile. “It shouldn’t take long.”

It’s Henry’s turn to nudge Emma. Killian was looking at the exchange. 

“Killian, I-” Emma said.

Ding 

Killian’s attention returned to his task as he checked the computer for the results of a possible virus. His brow furrowed as he did his work. 

Emma studied his movements. 

Henry observed his mom, and knew she deserved happiness. She had been alone for so long. When he asked why, she simply said “You’re all I need.” He wasn’t a fool; yes, he was young, but he knew better.

Killian felt her eyes on him, and blushed. He tried to keep his voice steady. “Lass, this might take a wee bit longer than I expected. If you prefer, you and the lad can go to the diner around the corner. I will give you a call when the computer is ready.”

Emma smiled. “Oh, okay, we can do that. What do you say kid?”

“I can eat,” Henry said as his belly growled. 

After thanking Killian for the recommendation, Emma and Henry head out to the diner, while Killian sighed and got back to work. Once he was finished, he dug out the card Emma had given him when they first met and made the call.

Emma and Henry arrived shortly with a takeout bag. Emma placed the bag on the tidy desk. “Thank you for the recommendation. To thank you, we got you a snack. I wasn’t sure what you like, so I got you our favorite. Grilled cheese and onion rings.”

Killian smiled. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, but you’ve been so kind.” Emma smiled back.

Henry watched the exchange with a smile. He knew it, his mom liked this guy, but getting her to admit it would be the challenge.

Killian cleared his throat. “Your total is $55.99.” The tips of his ears turned red. 

Henry grabbed the laptop and put it in its bag. “Wait, I thought it was $99 for a PC-tuneup?” he said as he pulled out crunched up $20 bills from his pocket. 

Killian smiled. “Aye lad, but I’m including my discount. Your mother said you are trying to save money for writer’s camp.” He handed Henry back his money.

Emma couldn’t believe her ears. He had truly listened to her, and he was genuinely so nice to Henry. 

Henry smiled and lightly blushed. “Thank you.” 

Emma smiled as she paid. She paused for a second, thinking maybe she should ask him out for coffee.

Killian took Emma’s money with a bashful smile as he gave her the receipt. Their eyes met briefly, both full of longing. She smiled as she took the receipt and almost whispered her goodbyes to him. 

His ears were burning. He wanted so badly to ask her out to dinner for a date, but it would be bad form to ask her in front of her lad.  Another opportunity wasted.

Tagging:

@rumdrum91 @itsfabianadocarmo @xsajx @hookedonapirate @kmomof4 @searchingwardrobes @seriouslyhooked @profdanglaisstuff @let-it-raines @revanmeetra87 @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @kymbersmith-90 @branlovestowrite @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @ilovemesomekillianjones @thisonesatellite @thesschesthair @winterbythesea @stahlop @resident-of-storybrooke @superchocovian @lfh1226-linda @artistic-writer @thislassishooked @shardminds @winterbaby89 @xhookswenchx @ultraluckycatnd @gingerchangeling @laschatzi @wellhellotragic @xemmaloveskillianx @courtorderedcake @pirateherokillian @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @sherlockianwhovian @andiirivera @djlbg @jennjenn615 @scientificapricot @officerrogers @imlaxdris71 @therealstartraveller776 @kday426 @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713   @donteattheappleshook @spacekrulesbians @lassluna @carpedzem @captainodonoghue @killian-will-do @jarienn972 @tehgreeneyes @demisexualemmaswan @queen-serena88 @swanslieutenant @tiganasummertree @whimsicallyenchantedrose @bethacaciakay @ohmakemeahercules @klynn-stormz @mariakov81

[capriccio-con-espressione]

N(oona) C(raving) T(endencies)

This is my 3k words of analysis of NCT members who I think are likely to have a noona kink based on the ask. Enjoy!

Disclaimer:

By this I am not saying that other members not mentioned here don't have any possibility to date an older female/enjoys referring to their dommes as noona, it's just like the tendency/preference isn't that clear or obvious in my opinion. Do not send in rude comments just because you disagree though I will appreciate some feedback.

Warning: Sub!Taeyong, Sub!Jungwoo, Sub!Mark, Sub!Xiaojun, Sub!Jaemin, Domme!Reader, Femdom, Noona kink, Degradation, Whipping, Spanking, Pegging, Public humiliation, Role-play, Oral sex, Sex toys, Dry humping, Dildo riding, Mentions of mental health issues/negative emotions

Taeyong

This boi is insufferably kinky and subby

In Baby Don't Like It he stated he likes it rough

In Whiplash he literally emphasized again how much of a painslut he is

And his ideal type is “Someone who can teach me, lead me, and make up for my flaws.”

To conclude this, Tyongie may be craving for a strong, mature female's guidance when he's lost and insecure, a noona domme who can heal all the anxiety, stress and inner guilt he's been through by her ruthless discipline, plus, the age hierarchy implied in the title will allow him to sink into his headspace even more.

He's such a sucker for this torment that, with one stern look from you, he will automatically strip naked and ready himself in the humiliating positions assigned by you before without any spoken command, and obediently waits for the first slap/whip while trembling in both anticipation and thrill

I can totally picture him begging his noona for more punishment, though already red, sore and sobbing

"...Ahhh noona I'm sorry... *sniffles* please punish me more for being a bad, ill-mannered boy...don't stop mmmff-"

However, that being said, if that noona domme is actually younger than him, he may be down for the added humiliation due to the role reversal

Imagine that younger domme dismissively orders him to call her "noona" in public, and commands him to use honorifics to speak to her, the exact type and wording that make him sound humbled…

He will be turned on by that while people around you shoot puzzled gazes toward you as they wonder why the hierarchy dynamics aren’t in the right place, making Taeyong feel embarrassed as well as aroused

By the way, some role-plays can be added to spice up your sex lives as well, e.g. CEO x employee, professor x student, guard x prisoner, to name a few, as long as you are in power and makes sure to beat the naughtiness and disobedience out of him

Though being intensely kinky during the session, aftercare for this precious boy has to be really fulfilling as well

So you have to be able to play an attentive caring role just like a noona (a little bit maternal figure as well, I have to admit)

Make sure the process is all intimate and brimming with praises, reassuring the broken figure that the "bad boy" is "forgiven" to thoroughly sew up his wounds

Bubble bath, scented candles with calming aroma, sensual massage with essential oils of his favorite scent and texture, or having some good quality snacks while cuddling, are all good options for aftercare because all of them can reinforce the idea that he’s “worthy” of anyone’s love and attention due to the physical contact and interactions allowed in them 

So steamy and sensual that if done correctly, Taeyong may be in the mood for another round of vanilla sex to get an extra gratifying orgasm again

Jungwoo

A clingy little pup that will follow you around and will cutely pout when not given enough attention or skinship

Loves to be babied and taken care of, so he would love the accompany of a sweet caring noona to make him feel at ease (borderline mommy kink as well)

Remember that Valentine's Day Facetime vid where he just referred to the viewer insert as "noona"? That probably implied his preference for an older female figure

Will do anything to please you since he's very love-starved and doesn't want you to feel uncared for because he knows too well how much that sucks, he will shower you with the same amount of affection he expects from you as well

Anxious and always worries about if he's still "needed", so that's why he will opt for a perspicacious noona to counsel him for his delicate soul to rely on, and shower him with the adequate amount of love then pamper him 

Melts at cute pet names such as pup, angel, prince, little fairy, snoopy or any endearing terms because they make intimacy upgrade to another level

May act a bit playful or even borderline bratty from time to time, mainly to spice things up and get some sexy punishment to release his excess nervousness

But hardcore stuff definitely isn't for him, since the soft boy can't tolerate much pain. 

Light impact play on his erogenous zones is fine, but he enjoys the feelings of vulnerability and exposure more rather than the pain itself

The type to let out loud moans even when just getting his underwear peeled down because the instant when the air hits his flesh is a huge turn-on for him, so much to the extent he is yearning to beg you to fuck him just from getting naked

Very sensitive, literally gasps, squirms and grinds every time when you caress or slap his sweet zones and will beg you to stop though you know he's enjoying it too much

Will repeat your title like a mantra as if it's the only thing that can keep him sane

Be wailing like "Hnnngh noona pretty pleeaase stop spanking me ahhh noona no I'll be a good boy pleaseee it stings noona I'm sorryyy hahhh" but the way how his hips rock against your lap will betray his words, giving you more reason to torture him

Loves being pegged and used, or getting his all possible sensitive spots stimulated and stuffed at once because he just lusts after every inch of his body being thoroughly pleasured inside-out, and drown in the depths of overstimulation and hedonistic ecstasy to feel completely loved and secured

Edging is really suitable for this delicate boy because of the enhanced experience after prolonged denial, which makes the orgasm more earth-shattering than ever

Though he will be a teary puddle and begs you to end the ordeal, the uncertainty and feebleness associated with edging will turn his mind into a soaring frenzy state even more, enabling him to release all his pent-up frustrations and negativity while finally allowed to empty his balls

Likely to get emotional and will hold on to you very tight during post-climax aftercare due to the intense sensation that just washed through his mind and body, feeling extra fragile and really needs to be thoroughly cared for

Petting his head, kissing his tears away with "I love you"s constantly coming out of your lips is a must, as he drifts to sleep like a fallen angel nestled in his safe space, which is the warm spot between your chest and your arms

Mark

An easily flustered mess when it comes to straightforward proactive girls 

Having left his family and devoted himself to the industry at such a tender age, he may want to be the more passive, dependent one in a relationship to make up for his lost adolescence

So he's probably looking for someone who he can rely on and takes the initiative in bed, while all he has to do is to close his eyes and enjoy himself

When he finds you, to whom he trusts enough to pour his doubts and perplexion about life, and is always guaranteed to receive some really thoughtful response, he sees you as someone very valuable.

But more than that, you are a woman who seems to have endless fuel of passion, the exact type with whom Mark can replenish his strength when he got engulfed by the abyss of stress

Also, you are notably witty with words that sometimes aids his lyric writing process, but that means he can never win against you in any friendly bickers as well, especially when you cite some of his lyrics to roast him that renders him speechless.

Yet somehow, he gets hooked to the feeling of being a powerless flustered bundle in front of you

Gradually it develops into dirty imagination of you manipulating him into a mindless mess

And you are exactly the burning blaze that will scorch his body with vehement desires, make him so depraved yet still internally demand more

Never did he realize that being obedient for a noona figure will feel this good until he met you, his ideal match

You will guide him how to touch himself properly like a big sis, then demonstrate it yourself followed by some edging, as he whimpers at the sense of loss every time his build-up is ruined, pleading you with those big puppy eyes

And when you get to peg him, he will love the feeling that he's completely owned by you, getting his ass spanked while fucked also serves as a good reminder of who he belongs to

Doesn't talk much during sex to indulge fully. Expect some incoherent moans and weak chants of your title from him instead

But the boy also knows how to reciprocate when he's ordered to. He knows how to work that rapper tongue too well even if his brain is not fully functioning

His tongue can do wonders to your folds and is guaranteed to perform great with your strap in his mouth, looking up at you with those pretty doe eyes all the time to see if you like how he's doing

Will probably require some time and space for himself to just chill and cool down during aftercare instead of being very clingy, all you need to do is to make sure he’s comfy, or place a glass of drink he likes beside him while he’s organizing his thoughts or doing anything that fits his mood. 

No extra words or skinship is needed at this moment because based on your understanding and observations of him, he’ll be fully recharged when you decide he is most of the time

Xiaojun

A sensitive, sentimental bub that ponders a lot about lots of things

Passionate about music, and perhaps some classic literature or philosophy

So he may want his partner to share the same interests so he can love the way she wanna talk even more

Likely to crumble for a woman who’s sophisticated, cultured and speaks in a refined manner, and is often willing to discuss some profound matters with him, to the extent sometimes Xiaojun cannot keep up easily and may feel a bit flustered, but is secretly admiring her wits deep down while she’s patiently explaining some new art concepts or ideas to him

Hence, when he finds you, who is capable of playing that role and opening up new worlds to him, he is not only delighted but also excited and intrigued, anticipating every chance to talk to you more but when he finally seizes the opportunity, he will appear to smile shyly, avoiding your gaze all the time but whenever he slightly peeks at you, his eyes will be glittering with dreamy haze of enchantment

Because to him, knowledgeable women seem to have boundless potential that makes them distinctively mysterious as well as alluring, and he’s all about succumbing to that vast endearing wilderness, with you being the compass controlling his every move (lowkey sapiosexual I guess)

The fact that you are the embodiment of versatility, artistic grace, and mellow charisma, yet all cordial to him just like a jiě jie (noona in Mandarin) next door will flutter his heart as he falls for you even more

So once you finally end up in bed, he will be very enthralled and eager to please, and will literally subserviently worship every inch of your body as if you are a Goddess while complimenting you all the time

Yet not long after he will be amazed by another fact about you, that is, you are the definition of the saying “Sweet in the streets, freak in the sheets”

Xiaojun will soon find himself restrained while bent in compromising positions, with toys he never imagined a sweet person like you will ever own torturing his body and lust-crazed soul, as you whisper nasty degrading things to him, skewing and corrupting some classic literary works during the process, which makes him intoxicated in another sinfully imaginative aspect of your mind

Since he’s a sucker for anything about you, neglect play is a perfect way to torment him. 

Chain him up and place a toy on him, which can be either a vibrator or a prostate massager, before leaving him untouched, and watch him writhe and moan helplessly in unsatisfied heat, with his distinctive brows furrowed, eyes glossy with plead and need, a beautiful image perfect to be ruined

Open to lots of kinks since you are able to make them gratifying and mind-blowing every time as he becomes closer to your ideal notion of subby boy toy with every progress

Will still remain a blushy mess when ordered to beg or admit something humiliating even after getting fucked multiple times, though he likes it so much 

Something simple and lewd like “jiě jie please come in and fuck my slutty hole” “My pathetic dick only exists to be ravished by jiě jie” works well for him as he finally climaxes

This precious pretty boy is not all passive when receiving aftercare. Instead, he will sensually plant kisses all over your body while telling you how good you made him feel and how deeply he loves you

Melts and buries his face into the crook of your neck or sheets later on when you say the same back to him and praise him for taking you so well

Few moments of silent bliss will pass between you before you guide him back to reality again 

Jaemin

Another little painslut that wishes to be tamed and roughed up

His tolerance of pain may not be as high as Taeyong, but he likes the humiliation as much as the older does

Being an idol is stressful and suppressing, so he desperately needs to find some release through some pleasurable pain for the endorphin rush

Preferably receiving it from a noona-like figure who definitely knows what she’s doing, and again the hierarchy from her title will enable him to feel floaty and more deserving of the punishment

He’s the type to be horny really often and does barely anything to hide it, qualifying him as a very communicative, responsive and expressive sub

So he acts up all flirty and bratty in front of females who he deems as potential targets, to evaluate who’s probably sadistic enough to cater to his needs judging from their reactions, and of course, your dismissive attitude and sharp chastisement on his behavior intrigue him

Then he will make a further approach to gain your attention, from unsolicited winks and aegyo to cheesy pick-up lines, even going as far as some skinship that you are smart enough to know how intentional it is, all screaming brat demeanor that gets you irritated and riled up

Once he finally successfully gets you to bare his bottom and bend him over your lap, he’s a mesmerized moaning mess while enjoying basking in your tauntingly degrading words, admitting he’s noona’s dimwitted slut even before you ask him that

But of course, a sound spanking is still not enough to quench his submissive needs, he will literally shamelessly beg for more

In a provocative way

He will blatantly seduce you, from inappropriately touching you to straight-up humping you until you lose it to punish him for being obnoxiously needy, tying him up and dishing out toys or other implements that can deliver even more intense pain

At first, he will feign reluctance by pouting or complaining how much it hurts even though it’s still far from what he is able to take, in order to infuriate you and provoke more out of what you can give him

Being insatiable as he is, after some pain inflicted on him, he will reveal his true masochistic self and directly asks you to punish him harder just like Taeyong will do, but Jaemin’s self-degradation will be much more hardcore and a bit creative

“Noona please do it harder! Ahh- I’ve been badder than that! Make your naughty indecent-minded whore cum just by paddling me because I’m that pathetic mmmff-”

When you are dicking him down, he will beg you to destroy his hole and be really graphic about it, making his intentions of wanting you to abuse him like a fucktoy utterly clear to drive you wilder, with that iconic blissful smile plastered on his pretty features

He will be obsessed with your powerful strength while ramming into him so much that he will masturbate by riding a dildo while moaning loud enough for you to take notice and break into the room

After you are pissed that he’s playing with himself without your permission, he will be all like “But I missed noona’s big mighty cock so much that I can’t wait hnnnghh noona please come punish my horny hole and make it so swollen and sore that it won’t whore up ever again pleeaaseeeee”

You will definitely be so sexually active and satisfied with him as your sub because of his neediness and salacious talk to ignite your dominant desires

Even though he enjoys getting fucked all over to earn some revival to his work-drained soul, and appears to recover really quickly after orgasms, even capable of engaging in some playful conversations with you, it’s still likely for him to feel hollow and internally worn out due to the drastic neurochemical change but he won’t make it obvious

So you will need to be really observant and keep reassuring him for his well-being because all the excessive stress he’s been struggling through that makes him this submissive is stemmed from his desperate needs for praise and recognition

That’s also one of the reasons why I think he will be into a noona domme because approval from superiors is relatively more rewarding

But with proper aftercare, he’ll stay hooked to you and continue to pleasure both himself and you with matching kinky desires

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told (Part 2 of 2)

Spoilers ahoy! See Part One for more, plus an update. 

I imagine Steve staying in Winnie’s orbit for a little while before drawing away. The guilt would have been immense, even if she still accepted him as a surrogate son after the breakup. Also, Steve’s move into the military was a kind of amputation of his old life, including Winnie. Winnie was undoubtedly hurt by his distance. But for all of her flaws, also has a strong forgiveness reflex, as we can see with her relationship with Bucky. I think Steve’s own unresolved mother issues also complicated his relationship with her. With Sarah dead and his grief unprocessed, he probably figured it was easier to leave them both behind in the city and try to move forward.

Gah, I’m so sorry I didn’t include that. I put it in shortly after I received this message but forgot to answer the Ask also. MST stands for Military Sexual Trauma. It’s something that the VA regularly screens for and provides special services for. As people have probably heard, it’s a very common occurrence, affecting more women than men per capita but actually happening to more men by sheer volume. So, in other words, the percentages of MST in female service members is significantly higher than in men, but because there are fewer women relative to men in the military, the men’s smaller (and very, very likely under-reported) percentage ends up equaling more men who’ve experienced MST than women. It includes rape, sexual assault, as well as sexual harassment and coercion.

I’m an ass and didn’t track what chapter this was after (as well as being bad at answering Asks in a timely manner), so I cannot respond as specifically as I would like. But they really are making some significant progress. Even when shitty things are happening, you’ll probably notice that they are talking a lot more, sharing a lot more, coming back together after their rows more quickly. I’m very proud of them on a regular basis!

I think Tony is an extremely difficult character to write, you’re so correct. Alas, he’s only alluded to in BW. But I am going to attempt to write him in my next fic. It’s a daunting task, indeed, and definitely not a reflection of whether I like him or not. I think Tony is just fine. It’s just very hard not to write him as a one-dimensional quip machine.

Haha, what? Fic reading during Zoom meetings?? Never heard of her. 

This is an interesting question and a good observation. I think it’s a little of column A and a little of column B. I do like playing with identity, how we are different things to different people. Growing up, Bucky was James to George and Jamie to his other family and Bucky to his high school friends and Steve. I think Bucky is an aspirational name for him, in a way. This Bucky character he created in high school was his best version of himself, as far as he’s concerned. 

And importantly, as you mentioned, it’s what Steve learned to call him, and Steve is also an aspirational object for Bucky. Jamie is pretty loaded, Jamie the soft boy, Jamie who gets hurt, etc. I imagine as he got older, part of him recognized that this isn’t Bucky thing is kind of a farce and probably started referring to himself publicly as Jamie eventually. Thus, it’s also become a very intimate name, because only Steve thinks of him that way, and perhaps he wants to be that person Steve imagines he is. Hence the self-reference. It’s not the tightest argument. I honestly initially started with a name more familiar to readers, and it just stuck.

OMG FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. Okay. Okay. For those not familiar with the Five Love Languages, here’s a summary of them.  (And you can even take a quiz for yourself here!) I’ve put some thought into this, and so has my beta, and our first response was that they may both be touch. This could be plausible, and it only doesn’t work so well sometimes because of the additional trauma- and defense-informed barriers that Bucky has. Bucky also has lots of ideas about gay love and affection that aren’t very compatible with this, either. 

So that kind of makes me wonder if he wants touch so badly because he doesn’t allow it for himself and he’s just a human with basic human touch needs. I also think Bucky appreciates quality time as well, though he’s not great at asking for it. I think the touch thing works for Steve because even if he was in another relationship with someone else, he’d still crave touch a lot. This is a harder exercise when dealing with such massive amounts of trauma, to be sure.

Does anyone else have thoughts? I’m not married to this at all. I think a number of different arguments could be made.

I’m hanging in there! I just recently moved from one state that was terrible about COVID-19 public health stuff to another state that’s hardcore about it, so that’s been a change. Moving is rough, and I moved alone with not really anyone I know super well in the area. How do meet new ppl now?? But it’s a very good thing, and I’m excited for the time when I can make some new friends in 3D, lol. Thank you for asking!

(Me and my friends now)

I don’t think you’re missing a whole lot, honestly. I think part of it is that up until very recently, Steve couldn’t even begin to comprehend the trauma Bucky has experienced. Like obviously he knew something was there, but the nature of it was still a mystery to him. I think it’s hard to remember sometimes that we know a lot more about Bucky in any given moment than Steve does. So we see all this stuff piled up and are like STEVE WHAT THE FUCK. But Steve doesn’t know all that and has been learning in these really brutal and incomplete chunks. 

And even when Steve first found out about the sexual abuse, the implications have been slow to settle on him. I’ve been trying to write this Steve as a realistic person who can both understand things but also is trying to get his own needs met when he’s vulnerable. He also suspects it’s really bad and doesn’t want it to be, feeding a little of his own denial and defenses. For as complicated as Bucky obviously is, I think Steve is pretty complicated, too. He doesn’t think of himself this way, however, to some detriment. He wants to understand Bucky and he doesn’t want to know, because the truth is horrifying to him. I think these things compete in him and don’t always lead him to have the best behavior.

AND FINALLY - 

Oh, I’ve missed all of you too! These Asks are such a joy to get, even though I suck at answering them in any reasonable amount of time. Thank you for all of your consideration :)

-----

Thank you so much for the wonderful Asks and for the words of kindness and support! I look forward to sharing the rest of this story with you soon.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hey!! I was wondering if you had any advice for a character concept I've been playing with? :) long story short, my character wasn't born blind, but throughout the story she progressively becomes blind from cataracts- cortical vision impairment to be exact. Is this inherently a bad concept? I really don't want to misrepresent this, and the last thing I want is to make people mad about it. Is there a way I should go about this? Thanks!!

Later message from same Anon: Hey! Just following up on my ask of writing a blind character in the Victorian era- sorry if I missed it

Note: in a message between the first and third, anon added that this story takes place in the Victorian era.

You certainly did not miss it, I’ve just been lazy (struggling) with blog maintenance and have been procrastinating answering several asks.  Historical fiction is out of my area of expertise, so this required more research than general advice.

Also, my first and second attempts at an answer were eaten away by computer/tumblr difficulties, so I had to rewrite a lot.

I think it is a fantastic idea to have your character go blind slowly over time. It is also ambitious, so it is something you need to be careful with, but it’s totally doable.

So the era throws me a little because I’ve never had much practice with historical fiction and history wasn’t a fave subject of mine. Most of my research into blind history has been after World War I, because the sudden surge of blinded veterans changed the course of history for the blind community. This and technology overall led to those huge changes.

So I did a little reading up on the recent evolutions of blindness and the world’s general understanding of it in the 1800s.

Conclusion: society was shit with disability, but I already knew that. There were some remarkable inventions and innovations for blindness in this century, which I will get to later.

 So this post will be: 1. The more personal aspects of going blind over time (instead of all at once) such as acceptance vs denial, life changes, and internalized ableism. 2. Speculating on society’s perception of the blind. 3. Innovations for the blind in that era and what comes after.

 So, part one. The Emotional…

As someone who has slowly lost vision over the course of years and has no idea how far this will progress, I can tell you that it’s an agonizing process of realization, denial, understanding, acceptance, adaption.

Realizing you’re going blind comes in small pieces that eventually add up to become a puzzle. And for this reason, adaption follows a similar pattern.

You identify a problem, feel conflicted about this change, wonder if you should ignore or investigate, and regardless of which path you take, you find a new way to adapt.

I’m going to use an example of my process through this, so you can see the actual thought patterns and how they circle between “this isn’t a problem” – “wait this is a problem” – “no I’m fine!” – “this is a problem.” – “I’m fine, what am I complaining for” – “I made this change and now my life is 100x easier??? Who knew? Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Example from my life: Light is bright. That hurts but I’m fine. I get sunglasses. The pain with bright light is getting worse. Okay, that’s concerning, maybe I should talk to a doctor. Doctor says I’m fine but now I’m thinking I’m not okay. Why are my eyes doing this? Why do I hurt? Oh, and now bright lights at night are becoming a problem, and I get more headaches associated with light. I could wear sunglasses at night and indoors, but society has given me a negative and judgemental opinion of that, so I don’t want to do it. Best friend pushes me to give up on that negative view for the sake of my health. Finally I listen and life feels much better, but I’m still a little uncomfortable with this change. I feel very blind with my sunglasses, but that’s the only way to not feel pain. And now I feel blind when I’m not wearing any light protection, but I’m in pain this way. What’s wrong with me?

And this is just my internal argument with sunglasses and light sensitivity, from age 17-22. On the other side is my struggle with “do I need a cane” from age 21-22, which goes like this-

It’s August and I’m walking through a semi-familiar but gigantic and ridiculously crowded park with a group of friends. It’s bright out and I need to wear my sunglasses. And now I’m realizing there is a dilemma. I can’t see. My sunglasses are too dark to see. But going without is painful and just as bad vision wise. BUT I CAN’T SEE! I’m scared, I’m going to run into someone or something, I’ll get lost or separated from my friends and not be able to find them. I can’t see curbs or pillars or people and the only thing keeping me safe is holding onto K, who knows my current vision situation when no one else does

And I think to myself- this day would be so much easier if I had a cane.

But I haven’t needed one before, and I don’t ‘normally’ need one. Just every time I go outside on a sunny day. I don’t need it all the time, so I can’t have one, I’m fine.

But these things keep happening, where I’m outside and terrified but I think I’m still “sighted” and my only problem is some light sensitivity and not-super-great sunglasses. My glasses let me see 20/20 (or they did, which they did not a year later) so I definitely don’t need a cane at all.

Young past self, you were so wrong. You needed that.

Eventually I had a breaking point when one year later I’m seeing 20/50 with best correction (so, by legal definitions I’m not even visually impaired yet) but I’m terrified of leaving my house and can’t travel alone and am a literal danger to myself because I can’t see and can’t tell people I can’t see because of social anxiety and internalized ableism-

And the breaking point was that I finally got seriously hurt because I was in a situation where I couldn’t see and wasn’t brave enough to ask my current company to be a sighted guide. That’s the day I ordered a cane, and when it came two weeks ago, I finally remembered what it’s like to not be so terrified for my life every time I left my home.

Your character will over time find problems with her daily life that she didn’t have before, and she’ll deal with each one individually, but with all of them will usually be a repeating thought pattern that is unique to her. It depends on her internalized ableism and society’s ableism (and that era is full of it) and accommodations available to them at the time (also not great).

She’ll solve each problem at a different point that may coincide with other problems and yet still seem like entirely separate problems to them. Like how I wouldn’t relate my need for sunglasses and my need for a cane at the same time because they felt like separate battles to me with their own timelines and similar but still different thought processes.

You will have to decide on a case by case basis what accommodations or accessibility she can have at that time.

 Society’s view on blindness:

It’s shit.

It’s not great now, in the world of information available at your fingertips. It’s desperately worse in history.

 (TW: abuse of disabled people mentioned -thoroughly- in the next two paragraphs)

Everyone with a disability was treated like shit. Sensory disabilities (Deaf or Blind or Deafblind people) and mental illness were treated the worst. There is historical religious persecution against them, saying that they were made ill by the devil or a vengeful God. Which lead to abuse. They were seen as helpless or unproductive, defective, and so were treated as burdens upon their family and society. Because of this, abuse from parents and family members was horribly common for disabled people. Disabled people were often left in asylums by their family members because they were seen as a burden, where there was usually still more abuse to come.

There are still children with disabilities who are abused by their parents, families, care givers, or any facility they’ve been placed in. The cases of abuse are less, but by no means over.

 Ableism in general is just rampant and it’s only cured through the distribution of information. Most people (today) have never met a blind person in real life, had a conversation with one. Through the internet they can find information, but in pre-internet and media eras I can’t imagine how much ignorance runs about.

Most people think blindness is something that only happens with old age, birth defects, or tragic accidents. Or that blindness is obvious in a person. Not the case, as we both know, but certainly a cause for many misunderstandings.

 This section is where the development of technology and understanding of blind people begins, but there’s still some ugly history involving abuse of the disabled to come.

Technology and History

 (TW: abuse towards historical disabled people in next paragraph)

In 1785 the Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles, the world’s very first school for the blind was established in Paris, France. It was opened internationally to children who society had previously deemed unteachable. Valentin Haüy witnessed acts of bullying and cruelty done to blind hospice patients and it inspired him to attempt teaching a blind beggar. He taught the boy to read through raised letters (because Braille was not yet invented). The school he founded could better be described as a trade school, because its primary purpose was to teach work skills like letter press and weaving (going back to Valentin’s childhood, whose family worked as weavers)

Due to criminal activity (he was labeled as a terrorist related to the French Revolution and was a member of the Panthéon Club) he was forced to leave the school in 1802. He later moved to Russia (1806) and began a new school upon the request of Alexander I of Russia.

(TW: child abuse mention in next paragraph)

After his leave, the school had a change in leadership and location, and subsequently quality. Sébastien Guillié became the new director and was later forced to leave because of the inhumane conditions of the facility and welfare of the children. Those children lived in a French Revolution prison that was refurbished as an asylum/school for their education. It was cold and dirty. They were kept in the dark, only allowed to bathe once a month, and poorly fed. This went on until 1821 when he was forced to leave.

Louis Braille (the inventor of Braille) was a student of the school until Guillié’s reign of terror.

The school was later moved to Boulevard des Invalides, and it remains there today. Information with this school is hard for me to access. It doesn’t have the prettiest history, so I can only speculate how much was left out of the books to save the school, and what information I could access is in French.

However, back to Braille.

Braille was invented by Frenchman Louis Braille in 1824. Before his invention, he was taught to read through raised lettering, and he concluded that raised lettering was impractical because-

1.       It is difficult to read, the letters had to be printed in huge font to be fully felt out and printed on thick paper.

2.       Thick paper means higher quality, more expensive. Larger font means more paper is needed for a single text.

3.       This made it inaccessible due to expense and the sheer volume of a text.

4.       If today’s Braille books are hard to access and giant compared to traditional books, I can’t imagine how inaccessible those raised letter books really were

 Five years later The Perkins School for the Blind was founded in America, making education accessible to blind and deafblind children, and this time it focused on reading and mathematics, more education than trade school.

Though it would not have been possible for your character to attend the school herself, it could be possible that she became acquainted with a teacher or former student of either school, who might have passed on some O&M skills to her or some not so pleasant tales.

Side note: the Perkins Brailler (a typewriter machine for Braille) was developed by a wood working teacher at the Perkins School for the Blind – in 1951, so not applicable to your character’s time period, but I didn’t know this, so I must info-dump

 This is before the eugenics movement of 20th century America, when the belief that people with “poor breeding” should be prevented from breeding. The eugenics movement targeted not only the disabled, but lower class and people of color.

  The white cane as an accessibility tool was not “discovered” until the 1930’s by Philip Strong, who painted his walking stick white to make himself more visible. This piece of history is a little flimsy in my opinion. Techniques are discovered and lost and rediscovered all the time. You can’t prove he was the first person to “wave a stick” in front of him to find obstacles.

But he is credited for making the white cane something that could be a standard identifier to tell people (moving obstacles) “hey, I’m blind, don’t hit me with your loud vehicle” and made a movement of other people getting white canes to identify themselves.

I very much thank him for it, seeing as I’m so sighted-passing sometimes. If white canes weren’t standard everyone-must-know-what-this-means sort of thing, I think people would just watch me “wave a stick” around and think I’d lost my mind.

(TW: suicide of disabled character mention in next paragraph)

So when you see something like in Downton Abby (season 2) when Thomas and Sybil are trying to teach a blinded soldier how to use a cane to navigate… it could be possible, something that actually occurred to some people then. Although, now that I think about it, that character killed himself by the end of the episode and that still upsets me.

Downton Abby got the period-typical ableism right, I will give them that. Both the internalized ableism as well as how strangers treat you, they got that right. What they did to their disabled characters still bothers me (i.e. death and cure subplots)

(TW has been lifted, you made it past.)

But with World War 1, there was a huge number of blinded veterans entering the world and that did make way for big changes in the world of blindness-

Within a few decades guide dogs were being trained, white canes were becoming a thing, Schools for the Blind were thinking, “hey, maybe we should teach adults these skills too!” and life continued on until it eventually reached out modern world. Which, not applicable to your era, but I think it’s important to know what wasn’t available or common knowledge for your character.

If anyone has other information about historical fiction, the Victorian era, and historical ableism and disability, please feel free to reblog with your input and I’ll reblog it.

As always, this post can be found on my blog through the tags: reference, blind character, historical fiction

[douchebagbrainwaves]

STARTUPS AND UNIVERSITIES

Ironically, hackers have brought this on themselves. It's easier to make an inexpensive product more powerful than any other. Whereas companies that sue startups for patent infringement generally do it with explicit goal of keeping their product off the market. And for a startup the initial release acts as a shakedown cruise. Startups are right to be paranoid, but they miss the critical point: it's good enough. It's ok to be optimistic about what you can see that people there actually care what paintings look like. In practice this seems to work much as in LA. I had to do it, do it. So why do universities and research labs continue to judge hackers by publications?

Users are a fickle wind, but more powerful than to make a powerful product cheaper. But there are plenty of people strong enough to resist doing something just because that's what one is supposed to do where they happen to be, there are two founders with the same natural ability as Leonardo couldn't beat the force of environment, do you suppose you can? One ingredient of its meaning is certainly Ajax, which I can still only just bear to use without scare quotes. The definition then spread to people who don't believe in gods, life commands respect. It should be a pencil, not a sedan with giant rims and a fake spoiler bolted to the trunk. This is what real productivity looks like. Why not in business? But it means if you have kids. Perhaps the most important quality is in a startup. But you don't want so many founders that the company starts to look like a car was supposed to mean using the web as a platform didn't live much past the first conference. As of this writing, Cambridge seems to be becoming dramatically more liquid. What happened to him?

Most good hackers have unbearable personalities, could we stand to have them around? You're most likely to get money. You'll have to adapt to the whims of investors. If you made a graph of GNP per capita vs. If someone asks them at a dinner party what a programming language is obviously doesn't know what these things are, and that probably made a difference. Raising money, in particular, is a huge win in developing software to have an elaborate business plan. The biggest ingredient in most bad habits is denial. It's an exciting place. So why do I have to keep repeating. It's just 178 square miles at one end of it, we were a bit sheepish about the low production values. What hackers and painters have in common is that they become part of their identity, then all other things being equal, the best way to do that are not only new, but actually worth solving. If a hacker were a mere implementor, turning a spec into code, then he could just work his way through it from one end to the other like someone digging a ditch.

You want to be in a position to do that is to implement it. Maybe, I suggested, he should buy some stock in this company. The control systems inside machines used to be safe, using the Internet. So while they're often nice guys, they just can't help it. I've never been 100% sure whether patents help or hinder technological progress. The most efficient way to reach VCs, especially if you only want them to know about this choice. Since no one can be proven wrong, every opinion is equally valid, and sensing this, everyone lets fly with theirs. Even in college classes, you learn to hack. For example, the corporate site that says the company makes enterprise content management solutions for business that enable organizations to unify people, content and processes to minimize business risk, accelerate time-to-value and sustain lower total cost of ownership.

That last test filters out surprisingly few people. This was not uncommon during the Bubble and was very popular with startups. Erdos was particularly good at this. They didn't know. On Reddit, votes on your comments don't affect your karma score, but they also laugh at someone who tells them a certain problem can't be solved. It would have been reluctant to hire anyone who didn't. Quite small, but important out of proportion to its size.

Odd as it might sound, we tell startups that they should try to make a cup of tea and check the news again, then answer a few emails, then suddenly notice it was almost lunchtime and I hadn't gotten any real work done. The most important is distance. Design begins by asking, who is the user? He explained that he'd just bought it in Thailand. Hackers should do this even if they don't and you stick around, people will pay attention to you, because if they don't and you stick around, people will pay attention to you, because odds are they'll have to deal with in a startup founder about whether it might be worth a hundred times as much if it worked. But it's possible to be part of a painting didn't depend at all on how closely he expected anyone to look at things from other people's point of view is practically the secret of success. How long do you think it would take them on average to realize that it was a description of Google?

It's expensive and somewhat grubby, and the most productive part of the conversation. You can sense it when you start a company at 18 if they wanted to. Whatever they're doing, you'll be less likely to depend on this sort of test. Already most technology companies wouldn't sink to using patents on startups. The simplest way to protect yourself is to use the trick that John D. Notice all this time I've been talking about the designer. I'm designing a new dialect of Lisp. Don't hire people to fill the gaps in some a priori org chart. That's a known danger sign, like drinking alone. The 20th best player may feel he has been misjudged.

[metallicarules5]

My Big Takeaways: Thoughts and Opinions on TDP Situation

It has been almost 72 hours since the most recent accusation and allegations were brought forth by Danika, Lulu, and Diandra. Aaron Ehasz has finally decided to respond to the allegations brought forward. For many of us, opinions have changed, and despite me and others advocating against it, many have vehemently already picked what sides we lay on, either staunchly in support of the women, or staunchly in support of Ehasz. I have read the perspectives given by many people here and on Reddit (since these have been where most of the discussions have been taking place), have read and reread the accusations, as well as the statement by Ehasz. These are what my thoughts are based on what we do know:

1. Aaron Ehasz is a shitty boss. Whether you 100% believe the accusations, mostly believe, or even somewhat believe, I think there’s enough evidence there to say that Ehasz, who is a talented writer, is an incompetent manager. He is not a leader. He is either incapable, or simply doesn’t want to, communicate with his staff, treats surrogates and those beneath him less than professionally, either outright lies or makes promises he ends up not being able to keep, and is someone who’s stuck in his way of doing things.

2. That being said…I’m not seeing evidence of sexism, abuse, harassment, misogyny, or bigotry. Sure what’s accused of is bad. It makes him look like an asshole, a douchebag, an egotist, an authoritarian, and various other names. However, sexist is not one of them. Even Danika mentioned in her tweet thread that his behavior extended to both men and women alike, and none of the accusers said that the reason for his behavior was solely because they were women. While certainly unprofessional, the behavior he displayed isn’t criminal.

3. In any workplace, not all of your ideas are going to stick. One of the most common accusations made in the accounts was that Ehasz supposedly didn’t listen to or acknowledge their creative input all the time. On the surface, this seems horrible and bad, but the fact of the matter is that this happens all the time in the workplace, regardless of where you work. I’ve come forward with ideas or suggestions to my managers as to ways I think we can run the business better. Sometimes, my ideas were accepted, but other times, they weren’t and were flat out rejected. It sucks when you have what you think is a great idea and it gets shot down by a higher up, but that’s the reality. Other times, the managers would enforce a new policy or a change in the workplace, despite the fact that I preferred the old way of doing things. Did it make me angry, sure, but to call that harassment, abuse, or anything along those lines, definitely not. I figured out how to work within the new system, even if I didn’t like the change, and made it work. They’re the manager, and they have to make the ultimate decision that they believe is the best direction to go in. If I’m unhappy, I am free to leave. Look at it this way, we’ve all written essays or papers for school, and for some of them, you were asked to hand in multiple drafts of it. You get a draft of yours back with comments and suggestive edits from the teacher. Did you listen to every single one of those suggestions? My guess is probably not. Sure, some or a lot could be true and you work to incorporate it, but others you believe would actually hurt the quality of your writing rather than enhance it. Maybe the suggested edit works against your point, or weakens your argument, or messes with the overall flow. At the end of the day, it’s your paper, and you make the final decision.

4. As the boss and creative head, Aaron will always have the final say. This sort of plays off the previous point, but it deserves it’s own spot. Whether he was at Riot or Wonderstorm, he was the head of these teams, and thus, he makes the ultimate decision on which direction to go. Diandra admits that their mutual superior did give Aaron complete freedom: “He was told that he had cart blanche to change things.” So when he decided to make editing a group activity with people sharing notes, she may not have liked or agreed with the situation, but that’s all there is, someone who didn’t agree with it. Aaron’s responses to her are rather dismissive, but that’s all they are. It again shows he doesn’t communicate with his staff, is egotistical, and is a “My way or the highway” type person, but it’s not abuse.

5. Neither Danika or Lulu were writers. This is not meant to be derogatory to the two of them, nor is it meant to diminish the work they did while at Wonderstorm. But here’s the thing, their jobs were not to be involved with the creative process, to my understanding. Danika was responsible for social media, and Lulu was a writing assistant, not a writer herself. Sure, the aspiration was most likely to become a writer one day for the show, but that still doesn’t give her creative input on the show’s direction, nor did that fall in line with the responsibilities of the position.

6. Memories are malleable, they do change over time. Scientific studies have actually proven that, over time, memories become disjointed and change as a result of not only the passage of time, but the more we try to remember those events. “A memory is not simply an image produced by time traveling back to the original event – it can be an image that is somewhat distorted because of the prior times you remembered it…Your memory of an event can grow less precise even to the point of being totally false with each retrieval.” These were the words of one Donna Bridge, the lead author of a research paper on this subject matter. Now obviously, when you read this, your first response is going to be denial that this is possible, how can I forget an event that clearly had a huge impact on me. Well there’s a lot of factors that play into this and our changing perception, causing us to remember the situation differently each time. “Memories aren’t static…If you remember something in the context of a new environment and time, or if you are even in a different mood, your memories might integrate the new information.” These findings have been further explored and proven by other studies, such as one done by Liz Phelps, a professor of Psychology and New York University. 

…Phelps explains that our memories can change because each time we revisit them they become vulnerable. When we first lay down a memory, it takes the brain a little while to solidly store the information—a process called consolidation. And every time we subsequently recall that memory, it has to go through a new storage process—another slight delay for another consolidation. During that window, new information can interfere with the old information and alter the memory. Phelps says it is like playing the school game of telephone, where one student tells a short story to a second student, then that person retells it to a third, who tells it to a fourth, and so on. By the end of the chain the story is usually quite different from how it began.

So again, this makes it hard to determine who is telling either the full truth or even just the partial truth, because both sides are probably remembering the situation wrongly or have led themselves to believe that their side of the story is the truth. Maybe it is Ehasz gaslighting, maybe this is also at play, both can be true at the same time, these are not mutually exclusive.

7. Aaron’s statement is bad, like, really bad. Frankly, he could have admitted to everything he was accused of and offer the most sincere apology ever, and people would still not accept it. However, what this statement ultimately is, is Aaron stroking his own dick and that of Wonderstorm’s. I’m not surprised he denied the accusations, and regardless of what side you’re on, this shouldn’t be a surprise to you either. If you’re on the side that he’s innocent, he shouldn’t apologize for something he didn’t do. If you’re on the side he’s guilty, then that just further proves many of the women’s points about him gaslighting and not understanding when he did things wrong. That doesn’t change the fact that this is just a diversion and a bare bones, vague statement meant to try and shield him, downplay the situation, and make it go away. I do think there’s enough corroborating evidence to say that he can be less than professional in the workplace (read Point #1), to which he could apologize for. However, while he says he is imperfect, he’s still acting like he did nothing wrong and everything is completely fine. For those defending Ehasz, this statement seems more than enough, but for those undecided or siding with the others, this only sows more discord and animosity, meaning his attempts to try and defuse the situation have failed. For a guy who’s so gifted at writing, he sure couldn’t write a better defense.

I’m sure there’s more I can say, but these are the biggest points and my biggest takeaways.

Here’s the truth of the matter, we can only judge based on the evidence at hand. We were not in those rooms, we were not on those phone calls, we were not in those emails, etc. As a result, our knowledge is limited. Maybe some of those claims are blown out of proportion, which I have seen some women say about it. Maybe things are worse than they actually are and there’s more stuff that Danika and Lulu haven’t come forward with yet as they alluded to. We just don’t know, and that’s why it’s important to always keep an open mind, question and scrutinize, and listen to each other, not be at each other’s throats. There will be those that vastly disagree with some or all of the content of this post. Okay, then we can have a discussion about where we agree and disagree. I’m not in the business of trying to “defend abusers” or “believe all women,” I’m just a fan who wants to be able to enjoy something without it falling into controversy, for once.

[virovac]

Sending my letter to Noelle tomorrow

Envelope is ready to be sent in the morning.

I hope I get a response or it leads to some changes, either in the show or future works.

If this somehow unlikely leads to Repkyle getting sunk, I’m sorry, that’s not the intention, but if they can’t/won’t remove that horrible line in S3E5 that contextualizes it as abusive I’m willing to see a fanservice ship ended rather than a kids show just having abuse be portrayed as cute or funny.

I do wonder she’ll even get the fanmail or read it all the way though, I spent 3 months organizing my thoughts on this and trying to not come across too confrontational. And I put the most important stuff on first page since I know creators might skim if go to second page.

If no one knows what I’m talking about cause they’re new to what I have written about this: see below in the “Keep Reading”

I am writing to discuss a concern with the show She-Ra and the Princesses of Power and its presentation of bullying and abuse, and possible courses of action that could be taken to address how the topics were handled.

First, I'd like to thank you for this show. It has been such a great muse; I've written more fanfiction in the past year than I have in my entire life, and in doing so have grown as a writer, conquering my old weaknesses.

This makes what I'm writing to discuss all the more painful: the character "Kyle": and how his abuse and issues with memory and following directions are played entirely for mockery.  

Kyle does not come off as "hero from a comedy parody who missed the call" as you have stated was the intent; his portrayal instead registers as a serious bullying victim being tormented for showing symptoms of past abuse. His reactions, outside of fight scenes (which are hilarious), aren't generally humorous and are very realistic for someone in his situation. Additionally, his implied issues with following directions and memory are consistent with the effects of trauma and stress can have on the brain, some of which I am personally familiar with.  

The show has generally been earnest and sincere and otherwise addresses the topics of isolation and abuse in a serious manner. Kyle's situation being played entirely for laughs stands out starkly, and comes off as a tremendous double standard. In an otherwise very progressive show, this sticks out and comes across as reinforcing the toxic idea that female victims are to be sympathized with, but not "weak" male victims. Hordak, the other male victim of past abuse in the show, comes off as being allowed to have dignity in his trauma because his symptoms are “badass” or “brooding” like Catra's. 

If Kyle's performance issues were not intended to be implied to be a result of prolonged stress and/or malnourishment (a possibility raised by S3E5 ), and he naturally has such issues, there are still problems with the portrayal. As someone who has needed learning accommodations due to multiple disabilities, it is my view that portraying a victimized character as just naturally "a loser" in capability reinforces ableist sentiments and encourages victim blaming.

A major contributing factor in my decision to write you is that I recently suffered from a traumatic incident, and afterwards for a time I had difficulty difficulties with memory and tasks similar to Kyle. During my recovery, I sadly saw evidence my fears have merit, as I witnessed fans writing that "useless people" like Kyle should just kill themselves or should have been aborted. 

After watching season 3, I started wondering: "If I could be so affected by this, how would people and children similarly abused like Kyle be"?, and looked back on Kyle's two most plot relevant scenes, which I outline the issues with below.

In the breakout in No Princess Left Behind, it is understandable Bow is not fully sympathetic considering what Kyle helped Catra pull off. From a meta perspective though, we see someone in a kids show opening up about their mistreatment and being dismissed or treated with disbelief. As someone with asperger syndrome, I'd say the scene also comes off as framing Kyle's difficulty reading people as an "annoying loser quality" meant to undermine sympathy. 

Far worse, and the reason I decided to write this letter: the starvation joke in S3E5. Denial of food is part of the dictionary definition for "physical methods" of abuse, and a week without eating is incredibly dangerous for an active lifestyle. Nearly every other fan I've talked to reported being jolted out of the show with that line.

Forced starvation is as serious as any of the abuse we see Shadow Weaver perform on Catra, yet its treated as just another humorous moment, no different than his castigation. Adora's nonchalance in the dreamscape implies this may be normal for the group, raising the possibility that his poor performance throughout the series partly due to malnutrition and thus making even his issues in combat and with memory a victim-blaming joke. Such behavior being normal also makes Rogelio's protectiveness take a dark turn to being just the "good acts" of a consistent abuser.

I'm not expecting an entire rewrite of the character; that's of course not feasible. And I love how he helps present a human face for the Horde. But there are a few small actions that can be taken to respect the seriousness of Kyle's perceived trauma and/or possible neurodivergence.

One would be to, if possible, edit out the line about ration bars being stolen or redub it.

As a leader in the genre, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power has tremendous influence over it's fanbase. Some public statements and apologies, advertisement for organizations helping people in positions similar to Kyle; any of these could go a long way in possibly making up for the tactlessness and making the community more welcoming. A special-lesson comic raising awareness of the issues set after the show could also help, showing Kyle getting therapy and medication. (If the line about starvation is not removed, I strongly suggest Kyle and Rogelio break up in any such comic. If Kyle is not meant normally be abused to that extent in the real world and the line is kept, the question of why the shared Perfect World had him treated even worse than normal is something he should confront his squadmates about.)

People with stress caused performance issues can improve in a better environment and I feel seeing or reading Kyle healing and escaping the shadow of being "a loser" caused by an oppressive, poor learning environment could be helpful to many,  and recontextualize things from being "laughing at" to "laughing with in sympathy". 

Quite a few common tropes and codings for "loser characters" have somewhat ableist origins; and toxic masculinity pervades society, so I understand how this could have easily gotten out of hand. I ask you and anyone you share this with try to keep these issues in mind with future projects.

Thank you for reading. I love the show and will continue following it devotedly.

[atheistforhumanity]

Jesus as an actual, living, historical figure: is this bound by concrete evidence? Of course, there’s the whole “is he actually the Son of God” thing (which I’m sure you’ll say no). But I’m just wondering if you believe there was any man in the Middle East at all resembling Jesus during his era (and if he was actually crucified, etc).

Reasons to Doubt Jesus Ever Existed

This is a great question and Sunday morning before Christmas is the perfect time to answer it. Yes, any historical figure must be proven by historical evidence. While I do not claim to know for certain, I think it is highly unlikely that Jesus was ever a real historical figure. In this post I’m going to focus on the lack of evidence and why this points to fictional Jesus.

There is a shockingly small amount of evidence. The reason our pool of evidence is so small is that we must be strict about what can be considered evidence. We must only consider independent sources, that have validity, integrity, and are reasonably connected to the events.

So what do we have when we apply all of these rules to the evidence of Jesus? Virtually nothing. The New Testament contains almost everything that can be said to be known about Jesus Christ. You would think that for such a monumental figure there would be a large amount of corroborating evidence, but NT is all we have. Even that obviously leaves gaping holes. We know nothing of Jesus’ life between birth and prophethood, and none of this information is very reliable.

Remember we need authenticity and integrity, the NT does not truly meet these requirements. We know for a fact that there is a large amount of editing, rewriting, and flat out forgery within the NT. Mark is the first Gospel written and every one after that is a retelling of the same story, so as a collective they don’t contribute a large amount of independent information. The Gospels are not eye witness accounts as they are said to be, scholars unanimously agree that they were written toward the end of the 1st century, anywhere from 60 CE to 130 CE. So on top of the fact that the documents have been rewritten, redacted, and altered over and over they are essentially lies in the first place. However, it could be that these were documents that existed and were republished under their pseudonyms later on, or they are referencing documents that have been lost (which is the assumption). The reason they are called the Gospel according to… is because this phrase was meant to name the source where the author got the information, not the author themselves.

Then we have the Epistles, which many were written by Paul. Paul is seen as one of the most reliable sources of information on Jesus, but there’s a real problem with that. Paul’s letters are the earliest Christian writings that exist and yet they were written around the 50s CE, he was not a contemporary of Jesus either. Even worse, Paul states that all he knows of Jesus comes from hallucination (Gal. 1.11-12 & Gal 1.16 & Rom. 16.25-26). Paul is seen as the founder of Christianity by many and by his own account we have no reason to believe that his letters are based on fact.

You may not be aware, but there are literally no surviving documents of the first 60 years of Christianity. We are asked to believe that Nero persecuted Christians around the 30′s or 40′s, but this group was so clandestine that nothing of their actual activity, beliefs, structure, or anything else survived. Christianity literally begins with Paul (on paper). Carrier has an interesting idea about how Paul essentially usurped Christianity from the elders by introducing revelation, but that’s another story. What’s significant about this in the question of Jesus is that we want to get the most direct evidence possible and if anyone were going to write something reliable about Jesus it would be the contemporary Christians who he supposedly inspired, yet literally nothing exists.

That leads into my next point that there are no contemporary writers that talk about Jesus. Furthermore, non-christian writers that came shortly after him and wrote historical accounts of the same time as Jesus’ supposed life never mention him! Here’s a list of historical writers that we would have absolutely expected to mentioned Jesus, but didn’t!

Nicolaus of Damascus (Official court historian of Herod The Great)

Justus of Tiberias (King Agrippa’s personal secretary-Agrippa from Acts 25-26)

Josephus (Historian)

Philo of Alexandria (Jewish Historian and Writer)

Marcus Velleius Paterculus (Wrote a history of Rome up to 29 CE)

Marcus Servilius Nonianus (Wrote a history of 1st century)

Pamphila of Epidaurus (Writer of history in the 1st century)

Aufidius Bassus (Historical writer)

Pliny the Elder (Historical writer)

This is by no means the whole list of writers that should have written about Jesus, but even the fact that these people did not write about him is unbelievable. It’s the same situation as Moses. He supposedly brought destruction down on Egypt and led the exodus of millions of slaves, yet there is not a single word written about him or piece of evidence for those events. I find the lack of writing on Jesus extremely hard to swallow.

What about Josephus? If you’ve followed atheist blogs and channels then you’ve probably heard someone mention the Jewish historian Josephus. His accounts add another layer of doubt about the specific Jesus Christ from scripture being real. Josephus himself was not a contemporary of Jesus either, but he wrote history about that same time period. He is known to be one the most reliable historians of his time because he was detailed, reasoned, and admitted or noted oddities in historical accounts. ( I just want to take a second to say this is a quality that the Gospels absolutely lack. They are not written by historians for sure, because they do not question anything. They are written as narratives that take the supernatural for granted and offer not suspicion or amazement.)

As you’ve probably heard before, Josephus wrote about four savior figures: The Samaritan, Theudas, The Egyptian, and The Impostor. All around the same time period, these men came preaching radical ideology, gained a mass following, and were executed by the state. None of them fit Jesus Christ’s description in detial though. If we take Josephus as reliable then we know radical cults were common. In fact we know from other sources that there were many different Jewish and Pagan cults at this time all competing for followers, and in the past 100 years writings of messiahs and saviors were very popular. People actually often attended meetings of multiple ideologies. It was Christianity that popularized devotion to a single ideology. Even other figures int he Bible have a messiah over tone, such as John, Joshua, Isiah.

This leads me to believe that forging a fictional narrative about a man named Jesus would be extremely easy. I won’t go into the motivations now, because this post is long enough, but suffice to say that Christianity was an attempt at cultural reform and power, like many other movements in history have been. Like many other movements, they used a figure head (a infallible model) to be the source of their movement to give it authority. This point of course ties into the fact that there are many previous god and demigod figures in previous faiths that have extremely similar dying and rising savior stories. I won’t get into that line of argument now, but it’s important to know Jesus was not original and therefore makes his fictional creation very believable.

On what we do have there is very little agreement. Scholars cannot agree on his place of birth, year of birth, year of death, or even who killed him. Was Jesus born around the time of Herod’s death in 4CE or the take over Judea in 6CE? Did he die by Pontius Pilot’s hand around 30CE or under Emperor Claudius in the 40sCE? OR Did he live and die under King Jannaeus around 100BCE? Early Christian Bishop Epiphanius wrote about a sect of “Christians” that followed the old law yet believed in Christ. Yet these Nazorians believed that Jesus lived under Jannaeus a century earlier than typically assumed. They essentially have their own Gospel of another Jesus by a different name, Ben Stada. Their story mirrors Jesus Christ with small differences, but have the important details. It is a far better match than any of Josephus’ savior figures. This story is confirmed in the Babylonian Talmud. Last Christmas I wrote a post specifically on the conflicts in the details of Jesus’ birth. What’s strange about Jesus’ birth is that we often don’t know when a historical figure was born exactly, because he wasn’t famous then. However, in Jesus’ case, he somehow was famous before he was born, yet there is so much disagreement on the simplest of facts. Plus, we apparently lose track of him immediately after he’s born, which is also suspicious. Then he pops around 30 years later and we’re supposed to believe it’s definitely the same person. The fact that the very little information we have about Jesus cannot be agreed upon makes accepting him as historical very difficult.

I don’t think there are any absolutely solid facts about Jesus. There are things that are mostly agreed upon, but they alone don’t constitute proof beyond a reasonable doubt. Acceptance of Jesus’ existence is mostly an assumption based on the prolific influence the figure has had on the world. That, however, does not prove his existence. King Author, Robin Hood, Moses, Socrates, Betty Crocker. These are all famous figures that never existed in history. Socrates is assumed to have been real, but there’s not a shred of proof. We know for a fact that a fictional figure can be created, passed off as historical, and become highly famed and beloved. We also know that people are subject to outrageous beliefs about recent history (i.e. Holocaust denial). So it’s not unreasonable to believe that Paul and those that actually wrote the Gospels could have fallen victim to this historical revisionism, or even consciously took park it in. Remember, Paul said he only knew Jesus through revelation(i.e. dream, hallucination, or lie).

So this sums up the problem of lack of evidence for Jesus, and pushes me to think he was never an actual living person. There are many other reasons to doubt his existence, and maybe I’ll keep writing on them in a series fashion. Maybe I’ll make it a tradition to write about his controversial existence every Christmas. I hope everyone found this interesting. Check out the authors below for more information regarding Jesus and early Christianity.

Thank you all for reading!!

Sources

The Bible

Richard Carrier

Bart Ehrman

Van Voorst

Gern Ludemann

Josephus

Epiphanius

Earl Doherty

Thomas Thompson