conservativetranny

[conservativetranny]

Kalvin Garrah is a living example of how insecurity and self-hate can be dangerous to others. 

[conservativetranny]

nothin but respect for you, i followed this account back when I was right wing as well and i regret that period so much. I forgot I had followed this blog..

Thank you so much, growth really is a wonderful thing. Respect for you as well, stay safe :)

[conservativetranny]

2020 blog update

Hello. No idea if any of you ‘remember’ me but I do seem to have a fair few followers on here. I managed to access the login information for this account and it is safe to say this blog is dead. I denounce everything I stood for on this stupid shit. 

I’m writing this because it’s what the blog deserves. Not looking to be dramatic, not looking for sympathy, in fact I think i’ll get a bit of backlash for this but bring it on. 

The past and the present- a summary

I had this blog when I was 14, unfortunately way too young to have a social media presence (one which carried any responsibility like this one anyway). No matter what age I said I was, no matter how I portrayed myself or how you, my followers interpreted me, I was a sad young trans guy desperately hoping to look big, cool, masculine and stoic, and that manifested in the most toxic way possible. 

I’m 17 now, still very very young, and after developments in my life, especially pursuing my medical transition and becoming happy within myself, I no longer hold such toxic beliefs as I once did. I am happier with myself and no longer feel the need to sacrifice others’ dignity, respect, and unfortunately sometimes on this blog, privacy, for my own. I was a very insecure, stubborn, and ignorant teenager, who dealt with a lot of denial. I’m not blaming the way I treated people online on other factors, but of course external factors came into play. I was dealing with bullying and insecurity, with parental problems, and with loneliness and depression. I seeked some sort of community, and I wanted to push myself away from the ‘weak’ trans community (the way I viewed it at the time). I wasn’t in denial personally, with the fact that I was trans (being gay is a different story- I was in complete denial with the fact that I’m gay), more just with the way other people viewed me (I will expand on this). I could elaborate on the way in which I viewed other people and the way that projected onto my conduction online, but it is a complex and confusing story. I have completely changed my viewpoint on trans ‘discourse’, I am open minded, I am close friends with people I would have turned my ignorant nose up at years ago. I am so proud to say that I am a completely different person now. I grow every day, it seems, and I can assure that I will never return to this ignorant mindset.

Growth

With experience, I have grown too. Obviously, from 14-17 i have become more mature. I have different experiences now as well, for example, I don’t bind often at all really anymore, because its more comfortable and can sometimes make me more dysphoric to know I am binding. I’m bringing this up because I bet you back when I was active on this blog, I would’ve laughed at the more mature, tolerant me, and probably went on a tyrade about how I was a fake trans guy or less of a man for not binding. I often wonder what ‘old me’ would think of ‘new me’. Now obviously, three years isn’t a hell of a big difference, but to a 17 come 18 year old it is. I understand I am not an adult yet, but I’ve always taken pride in conducting myself with a sense of maturity and articulacy, and for this post and platform especially I feel it is appropriate.

The Truscum Mindset

Back when I ran this blog, I was in an echo chamber of like minded people, which didn’t help my ideological development. I watched youtubers like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah, who I thought gave me a balanced, moderate, and fair opinion which is clear is not the case. Back then I would’ve scoffed at the idea of Blaire and Kalvin and other similar people as being radical or a gateway, but I urge you, if you feel you are slipping to obsession with those ideologies, to seek to widen your opinions and associations. I understand it’s a fairly niche discourse topic, but for me it opened a wider rabbit hole into the alt right. From wanting to fit into the lgbt and wider communities as a masculine male, this opened up the black hole of the alt right, I browsed (now deleted) subreddits and 4chan boards, and forums that put me in a very negative and dangerous place. If you’d like me to make a post elaborating on this, I am more than happy to, but this post is to address conservativetranny.

Denial and owning up to responsibility

Back in 2017/18, I was very much in denial of certain aspects of myself, especially my sexuality. I am gay. I thought that this was, and especially as a trans guy, a demasculating quality. I still deal with those feelings sometimes, as a lot of young gay guys do, but thankfully it does not manifest itself as toxic as it once did. I just wanted to portray myself online as how I thought I wanted to be viewed-I didn’t want to be viewed like ‘any other trans guy’. I wanted to be different, but now I can appreciate individuality and I can also embrace being trans as well.

I used to think that having alt views was the coolest thing ever, which contributed to my slip into the alt right, something on which I’ll elaborate on in later posts. I am now an advocate for deradicalisation, and being rational, truly rational. I’m also an advocate for maturity and owning up to your mistakes.

I have hurt people, especially in my personal life, throughout my time as a stupid, thoughtless immature teenager and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for that. I now respect the hell out of those people and unfortunately, but definitely rightfully so, they have lost their respect for me. I don’t blame them, because as I said, up until very recently I was a horrible, toxic person. With maturity, in the past half a year I have been able to own up to my mistakes and I am now taking responsibility for that. No excuses, because I was a shitty person. Of course there is a line between excuses and justification, and I hope those which are reading this can distinguish and appreciate this difference.

Self Hatred and Truscum

Back when I ran this blog, it was very easy to tell I was self hating. Everything I wrote on here, pretty much, was hateful except for the odd two posts that were about something unrelated to my ideology. I was extremely dysphoric and in a bad place when I wrote these things and certainly projected my insecurities onto others. I wanted to find a community of different thinking people that would accept me, and this community was certainly the wrong turn. I had a feeling that it was wrong at the time, but I was too naive and cowardly to own up to it and seek a way out. I kind of just naturally fell out of it, a a lot of things happened in my personal life in late 2018 that forced me out of trans discourse and into much more toxic places like the alt right and true crime fandoms, and I think I’ve only recently ‘found myself’ in the past year or so. I might make a post on self growth on the future as I intend to keep this blog to elaborate and voice my opinions on deradicalisation and highlight the importance of owning up and self awareness.

Don’t fall into the rabbithole

I’m not too acquainted with trans discourse anymore, so I’m out of the loop on this one, but I’d imagine that there’s still ‘transmed vs tucute’ ideas. Kalvin Garrah’s community comes to mind, I haven’t watched his videos ‘as a fan’, if that makes sense, for a while now but I am aware he has a large fanbase of young trans teens that were in a similar mindset to where I was back when I ran this blog. I would love for this post to reach his opposers and supporters for that matter, as a means to show them that they don’t have to fall into this cycle of hate which can be very damaging. I used to be an avid fan of Kalvin, and Blaire White, amongst others. I watched exclusively their content alone and formed my opinions around theirs. If you’re doing that now, I urge you to consider other people when you do. Think about the people like Brennan Beckwith, people who were severely impacted and hurt by hateful rhetoric. Those people are human too, and with maturity you will learn that people with different experiences and views are, at the end of the day, the same as you, and they have feelings as well .I’m going to make a post in the future about Kalvin Garrah, certainly, but maybe Blaire White as well.

Why now?

You may be wondering why this post is being made now of all times, and that is a question that has every right to be asked. I feel as if this timing is right because I finally possess the level of maturity needed to own up to my mistakes and tell you that I was wrong and it was certainly wrong to post those opinions and mistakes online for all to see, and put people in my real life on blast like I did.

I had completely forgotten about this blog, and forgot about the rude and ignorant words I had written towards the people in my real life, until chance had it that I was in contact with one of the people mentioned in this post. [https://conservativetranny.tumblr.com/post/169351517511/no-one-pretends-to-be-trans]

I’m not going to go into the nuances of the conversation we had, but it turns out they had, for a while and definitely rightfully so been hurt by the fact that I had mentioned them, by name, in this post. And while I’d of course still like to keep these people anonymous and will not sacrifice their anonymity in order to tell a story or ‘save myself’, this post is quite funny to read back on as I am good friends with the people referred to as ‘P’ and ‘Shadow’ now.

This is the end of this post, as I feel I have said everything I have wanted to say regarding my previous conduct on this blog. I’m going to change my name on this blog and my bio as I do intend on further posts in the future. I’m not sure how many people, if any, this post will reach, but I’m satisfied I have written this anyway. I certainly do plan on writing future posts but I’m not exactly sure how to formulate them. But thank you so much for reading this far, and if you have, I appreciate it.

[conservativetranny]

he is worse than a pedophile, he is, and may allah forgive me for uttering these words, an aphobe

[conservativetranny]

Well that backfired for him

[conservativetranny]

[conservativetranny]

Just some thoughts

I believe in science 

I believe there are only two genders

I think pansexuality is merely just bisexuality for pretentious hipsters

I believe that people are allowed to have their own opinion whether you agree with it or not

I don’t believe black lives matter OR all lives matter…. there are a lot of shitty people on this planet who’s lives just don’t matter such as murderers, rapists, and pedophiles and that can include people of all races, genders, and sexualities 

I think a lot of people confuse gender with fashion choices

I think see anything wrong with cultural appreciation as to appropriate is to steal and no one is stealing anyone’s culture, if we didn’t share culture then the world we live in literally wouldn’t be the same

I’ll also point of that yes “white people” do have a culture… every country has a culture…. this isn’t a hard concept

I think that while the world pays way too much attention to whatever feminist bullshit Hollywood is up to there are ACTUAL people in this world that are being sexually abused and no black dress is going to fix that 

I believe that male victims also matter when it comes to abuse and they aren’t given enough support, not every man is a perpetrator

I think that this 3rd wave westernized feminism is total bullshit… no the wage gap does not exist but you know what is actually happening in this sick world? Child brides, female circumcision, sex trafficking, and etc

I believe that privilege is not based on your race, sexuality, and gender but rather your environment, socioeconomic status, and your personal situation

You are not necessarily underprivileged because you’re a certain skin colour or whatever…. Do you have food in your fridge? Clean, running water in your house? Internet access? Clothes to wear? Public or private education? There are a lot of people in this world who would love to be in your situation so check your privilege

[conservativetranny]

Like the only time as a trans woman I’ve ever felt anything I could associate with “oppression” is how I feel with tucutes. I don’t think of myself as oppressed regardless of homophobia/biphobia and transphobia I’ve experienced. 

I’ve been attacked a lot and robbed and denied jobs because I was trans and I still feel like “That fucking sucks but that’s life. Some people won’t like me because because I’m trans.”

The idea of being genuinely silenced, turning any support we had as people suffering from a mental condition into being about them, so now every stranger thinks because I’m trans I’m just some irrational, hysterical attention seeking freak, like…. Genuinely cuts deep. Tucutes are like breathing trans smear campaigns.

I don’t have a say or a voice in my “community” anymore because a load of cis, trans-wannabes have more or less pushed themselves to the forefront of the “movement” and they all have the exact same opinions on how stuff does and doesn’t work because it’s the only thing that justifies their desperate victim complexes and a need to be “oppressed”

It’s no surprise that all the gender clinics became packed the second the truscum v tucute shit started when the trenders arrived. They’re about as transgender as otherkin.

I spoke to my gender specialist and said, “Do you have to deal with many people who think this is just a trend and you’re trans just because you ‘feel’ you are?” and he said, “It’s my job to diagnose and help treat sex dysphoria and make sure you’re healthy on hormones and your bloods are fine… Not give you therapy about why your dad won’t use your ‘xer’ pronouns… Honestly, the past 5 years have been hell but we can’t talk about it.”

Iike it’s reached the point where I consider tucutes nowt but some swollen transphobic leech with a bad haircut..

[conservativetranny]

queer has pretty much become a word for people who obsess over being lgbt or someone who isn’t actually lgbt but think something about them makes them “queer”.

[conservativetranny]

The only people that actually like being trans are the ones that aren't really trans

Tru nuf

[conservativetranny]

Stop romanticizing mental illnesses

[conservativetranny]

saying the reason you're anti truscum is because “they need to die” or “they're racist mysoginistic ableist sexist cispatriarchal” or “idk I just hate them” doesn't make you look smart, tucutes

[conservativetranny]

Being in a mid-2000s High School Health class and they show you this on DVD

[conservativetranny]

trans shit being in the cultural spotlight has 100% only made my life worse

[conservativetranny]

hey, sorry for the almost one week long hiatus, i was busy with school but im back :^)

[conservativetranny]

There’s no joke I can make that’s funnier than this

[conservativetranny]

wow i got a laptop and this thing sure is on my lap