#I’m better now but still single :) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fakeoutbf · 6 months ago

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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety

#walk with me #this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere #the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad #count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them #in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other #it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time #idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too #so we’ve been more properly friends lately #and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to #gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it #and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention #(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all #weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone #so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever #and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more #and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted #they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture #and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek #i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on #bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other #flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc #i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed #but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers #and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend #delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something

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luke-shywalker · 2 months ago

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youtube

#i’m terrified to ever watch this movie. i think it would kill me. basically it’s about a marriage falling apart.#anyway—adam driver would do so good as bobby in company and i would die to see him in it #i’m seeing company tonight!!#it’s a special musical to me. it’s about marriage. how marriage is both exciting and boring and makes your life better and worse.#the months leading up to our wedding i was kind of a cynical mental wreck. there was so much i did not like about my husband-to-be.#sometimes i felt like the only reason i was going through with the marriage was because it was too late to get out of it.#i had spent my teen and college years wanting to have a boyfriend/husband then i got one and realized #oh wait this didn’t actually fix my problems huh #actually there are NEW problems now #and then somehow this past year has actually been like. the best year of my life lol #it’ll be a year next month!#yea there are still those Little Things. sometimes there are Bigger Things. but bruh this dude is so good for me #i have never been thriving as much as i have this year.#i’m so much healthier in so many ways than i have ever been all my life #and like it’s cringe to say that cuz i don’t want to say MARRIAGE is what fixed me but. i think it’s okay to say that #there must be some kind of GOOD to marriage otherwise there’d be no point in doing it #and i think i make his life better too. he tells me so at least lol.#and i’ll only be able to watch the show with one eye LOL but my husboi will be with me watching this musical #that i used to listen to when i was angsty about getting married #and now we are married #and life is great.#somebody need me too much #somebody know me too well #somebody pull me up short and put me through hell #and give me support #for being alive…#yeah there are times when it’s harder than being single but. the blessings are multiplied along with the hardship.#shywalker stuff #Youtube

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lunalikestowriteanddraw · 3 months ago

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You know those anime’s where the entire plot is that some random ass dude somehow acquires a harem of girls WAY out of his league? Gideon’s love life is essentially like that, except he’s actually attractive

#also is that a little bit of jealously I smell from Kremy???#because neither of them have even MENTIONED the fact they’re now married until now #and it’s supposed to be played off as a joke but like #but even during the wedding when Kremy was under the love spell he still refused to acknowledged the marriage #and suddenly Twig asks Gideon if he’s single and suddenly Kremy wants to bring up their marriage?#im not complaining #I’m actually very giddy about this #but these two better talk things out soon #if I have to watch them dance around the subject then I’m gonna go insane #/hj but also not #legends of avantris #once upon a witchlight

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rosicheeks · 5 months ago

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🙃

#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately #just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same #haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh #pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now #monday was my last day #and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday #I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy #figured it was the med change or something #so I was feeling pretty optimistic #I’m in between programs now #and today was not the best #not as bad as some of my days #but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday #I just wish I could feel that every single day #I’m working on it but still #waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management #and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting #which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move #but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought #idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about #but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me #I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around #(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here #in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed #they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars #I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie

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cuteniaarts · 2 months ago

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Completely outside of my usual drawing niche, but yesterday I was talking to my sister and she showed me an old drawing I made for her in 2021 that I had deleted and completely forgot about. There was a period of time when my sister was absolutely OBSESSED with Wings of Fire, so I drew a humanisation (I can barely draw humans, man, I would actually combust if asked to draw a dragon) of a pre-canon younger version of one of her favourite characters, Peril, who I also have a soft spot for because, you guessed it, I found a way to link her to my main obsession :’) And when I saw that old piece, I just knew I had to redraw it

+ The original, low quality bc I screenshotted my sister filming her tablet screen over video call, under the cut to save myself some embarrassment 😅

#my art #artists on tumblr #wings of fire #wof fanart #wings of fire peril #peril wof #peril fanart #idk how to tag this I’m gonna be honest #if you’re wondering what the aforementioned link to my obsession is #it’s that peril is INCREDIBLY p’li coded. THE VIBES ARE OFF THE CHARTS #someone born with a rare and dangerous fire related ability raised to be a living weapon?#falling in love with the one person (dragon) who doesn’t see her as a monster and believes she can get better??#I cannot be the only one who’s seeing this istg #anyway #I’ve never read a single WoF book but my sister infodumped about it nonstop for years so I have plenty of random knowledge #sometimes I find myself singing the dragonet song as I’m doing something lmao #I once wanted to do a whole project where I drew every female character as a human…#didn’t get much further than this piece and deleted everything else I had #rip WoF humanisation #we hardly knew ya #might go back to it if I’m ever bored though. I still have all my notes #but for now. look at this precious baby child 🥺🥺🥺#also. yes. it’s been quite a few years and I still haven’t aged out of the habit of writing a character’s name in glow pen #and doing that squiggly underlining thing #you can pull that out if my cold dead hands 😁#let’s see if drawing for a slightly larger fandom will get me more reach than my impossibly niche LoK oc shenanigans

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ahalliance · 3 months ago

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i need to do exposure therapy with purgatory i think the fandom experience at the time instilled the unpleasant dread and despair i still feel whenever i think about the event

#though it was also . the event itself’s fault . lol #and the miserable experience it was to watch them play from 7 pm to 5 am every single day for two weeks my time #and yes a lot of my unpleasant feelings towards purg come from my own ass being hyperfixated on the serv/etoiles #to a point where i struggled to Not watch . which made the feelings worse yknow #also like it kinda sucked for everyone it also sucked as an etoiles viewer . man was constantly stuck between the #‘i can’t fight like i want to bc people will complain that im too strong and it’s unfair nor can i Not fight bc people will complain that #i’m going easy on people/not invested in the team’ . and he was right people shit on him either way #like the event marked him in the ‘damned if i do damned if i don’t’ department so much that he still uses purgatory as an example today #and then he joined purg2……. babey girl ur hyperfixation is hurting u….. i actually enjoyed purg2 more tho so idc as much LOL #purg2 was better bc it was an event u actually willingly joined and it included people not from the main server so it wasn’t stuck in #fucking ‘is this lore or a pvp competition’ limbo #anw yeah even though i dislike purgatory overall bc it rly did shitall other than make people angry for two weeks (on ur server thats #supposed to be about uniting cultures . they all spoke in primarily english for two weeks bc the competition model that purg was #was just not built for short distance discussions…. lord)#there’s still some cool stuff that came out of it . my fave highlights r bloodhounds and nice cogs i love them #when i feel stronger i will comb through the vods to write up the relevant stuff for the etoiles miraheze page i just . am still not strong #enough . the detox must be slow and steady #jay rambles #also i am going to bed now i should have been asleep ages ago

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bbcphile · 1 year ago

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Wow, the US medical system really doesn’t want me conscious or functional.

Brought to you by my sleep doctor’s still not having sent in the prescription for my narcolepsy meds even though my appointment was 12 days ago, and I’ve now been unmedicated for over a month, and am back to spending most of my time asleep, or if I’m very lucky, and suffer for it the next day, I can write meta or outline fics that I someday hope to write, but not actually write the fics themselves because I am too exhausted.

Brought to you also by my health insurance and the coupon program that makes my migraine meds affordable, since they are trying to force me to stop using the only medication that works on me.

Being disabled is exhausting and infuriating and a thankless, mandatory full-time job, and I hate it.

*screams loudly into the void *

#about me #disability #medical stuff #narcolepsy #I am so mad #8 years ago I was giving a fucking keynote talk at an academic conference #and now it’s a good day if I can go to PT and empty the dishwasher #yes this is still better than things were nine months ago #thanks to my neurosurgery I can empty the dishwasher now #and outline fic which is more than I could do for much of the previous 3 years #but for the fucking love of God this is ridiculous #I’m already being let down by my body every single day #it would be really great if the entire medical system didn’t perpetually fail me too #I want to drop kick the universe into the sun

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columblorbo · 4 months ago

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#that aro mood of- for lack of better words- getting your feelings hurt #bc a streamer/youtube personality I enjoy who was previously happily single #suddenly has a partner and references and talks about said partner and being in a relationship #which is their right to do #but is something that had been absent from their content for the last 3 years #and now someone who was normalizing being happy and single is suddenly perpetuating the whole ur partner is now more prominent than friends #like it’s hella parasocial to even care #probably #but I’m still just a bit annoyed and butt hurt #an utterly romance free source of entertainment I enjoyed #is suddenly subject to romantic content at any point #which is FINE they’re a person whose content I enjoy and if they’re happy I’m happy #I just wanted to whine about it somewhere #also I feel like a lot of people- especially content creators and celebrity’s- who are probably somewhere on the aro spectrum #just never find out or explore that part do their identity bc of amatonomrtive pressure that comes from being in the public eye #but I’m not speculating abt this specific person #I was just thinking about the lack of out aro celebs and content creators #believe me I am aware of and watch the ones who are out #shout out jaidenanimations and alpharad

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springsketches · 16 days ago

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I wish I could create more fully finished pieces faster.

#art woes #I also wish I was a better artist ngl…#thinking of creating my own stuff #But I’m trying to draw just one part for myself #Comics are hard to make #Don’t expect anything to be done soon #I’m now understanding the difficulty of making a single panel #it’s been 2 days and I still have not finished a single drawing #I’m trying to be gentle on myself though #I’m improving and I go to college full time and have a part time job over the weekends #I might not be perfect at my art but I can improve #plus making a comic means I get to see myself improve

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 1 year ago

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ok ok so you know how my life has majorly revolved around my pain since july & how that has been extremely difficult :) well lately I find myself getting up later than I want to & making my bed as badly as I possibly can & getting out of the house after noon when I planned to get out in the morning & walking to the library when it’s sunny & sitting there for hours & the whole time I’m most concerned with writing & that it’s incredible what I’m doing, it’s a little paradise

#you know how I hoped September would be kind to me well it delivered #I actually didn’t realize how mentally poorly I was doing until I got out of it !#like oooooof it’s like a chronic pain veil #& to be very honest it’s because I’m physically better so I cannot blame myself and I don’t lol bc there will be a time when that happens #<< again #I mean better loosely I just mean I haven’t had 8/10 pain every day for weeks LOLLL #but it’s really quiet and beautiful & im grateful !!! like yay I can still create !#I’m not thinking abt my pain 95% of the day now it’s probably about 40%? 50? so a lot but I’m literally not every single thought LOL #sometimes it’s even like 20! not even cuz anything is getting better bc it’s not but I will take it even if idk why!!!#(& by nothing is getting better I mean meaningfully better but I have been blessed with some good days lately which I had none #of all summer)#I say this bc every day I wake up and immediately think OH GOD MY PAIN which is so valid bc it’s awful in the morning getting up is like #falling into a black hole Lol but also while that thought is still there I also thought #wow I’m so excited to write today I’m so excited to see what Jeremiah does #HE IS THE NARRATOR OF HEALING #also like SOOO PRIVILEGED to be able to do this like I also wanted to say that!#anyway update for u since I know I have shared the Despair but none of the beauty yet lol #lots of love chronic illness/pain bbs <3

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rosiegames · 8 months ago

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Maybe it’s time to return to single player 🙄

#text #apex has been so addictive to me from the end of s19 onwards #huge changes since then #apex #apex legends #apex trios #might give ranked a go before I leave 👀#think mixtape really helped me get better + used to dying more often lol #now I’m over 100hrs in 👀#tried so hard and maybe not even that far … but in the end … it doesn’t even matter #tbh Skyrim was getting hit repetitive + I’ve done too many side quests before starting bigger main quests 🫣🤡#gaming #gamers #playstation #the getting out my ps4 from storage to buying a ps5 pipeline was wild #new year new PlayStation I guess #not the levelling up before starting main quest line gameplay 😭#skyrim #single player #story games #multiplayer #battle royale #first person shooters #fps #playing multiplayers again kicked started from a msg from an ex fp on psn who asked ‘apex?’#we stopped talking after a bit cos I got too attached again plus he’s not the same … still toxic tho #I’m blocked now on basically everything ✨#plus history of ppl I’ve tried making friends with just pee me off too easily so ✨#I’ll eventually find new ones if I wanna play still

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priestfrommidnightmass · 7 months ago

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he could absolutely break my heart eventually. and i genuinely couldn’t care less

#god this whole thing drives me so crazy because like #i’m not constantly thinking abt when it’s going to be over and how it’ll end and all that like i usually do #of course i overthink and shit sometimes but most of the time #i’m able to remember the things he’s Actually said and done for me and not the things i’m scared he Could say. and i feel better #maybe i’ve said this before but recently i was trying to recall if there was even a single moment where he’d ever like #hurt my feelings or made me feel bad no matter how intentionally or unintentionally it was #and i literally couldn’t think of a single moment where he’d ever hurt me #so of course because i’m me i have to acknowledge there’s a Chance he could hurt me #and i like him so much that if that did happen it would probably really really upset me #but honestly i’m at a place right now where i don’t Care. and it’s crazy #i don’t care if he Could possibly break my heart eventually #because all i’m able to think of everytime i’m with him or talking to him is just how fucking great it feels #i can’t tell if this is any actual personal growth in me because just like #in general i don’t think i’ve ever felt this way abt anyone. it’s so dire #it’s so DIRE.#okay i’ll be quiet now but i’m just like #i don’t know. i just don’t feel negatively abt our relationship at all it just feels so Nice #not even any lingering paranoia can get in the way of how strongly i feel abt it #even if he’s not interested in me romantically whatsoever #he’s still one of the greatest and most supportive friends i’ve ever had and it’s. it’s really good #okay now i’m done

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whumpy-wyrms · 7 months ago

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i was watching the amazing world of gumball earlier and there was a character named Anton and it made me instantly think of your Anton and i just needed you to know that

REAL. i’ve said this before but tawog is literally where Anton’s name came from. i do this thing where whenever i see a name i like and might use for a character in the future, i write it down in my notes app to save for later and i must’ve done that during my very intense four month long tawog hyperfixation in 2022. so when i was looking for a name for Anton (during the same exact time), i saw that name in my notes app and just thought it suited him! Anton is technically named after a piece of toast from the amazing world of gumball and i think that’s really funny

i actually just rewatched the Anton episode after i got this ask and. GUYS LOOK AT THE FUCKING SYNOPSIS

“ANTON’S LITTLE TOASTY BODY DISINTEGRATES DURING A SWIM CLASS” I’M SOBBINGGGG THAT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY (in the context where i think of my Anton whenever i hear his name because he is the only thing i’ve been thinking about for the past 8 months straight ANYWAYY)

it’s funny too because that episode is all about CLONES of Anton. there’s just a bunch of Anton clones running around and dying over and over again and that honestly isn’t too far off from how things were like in tllr before Anton got Dew /hj

anyway i am watching tawog again rn look what you’ve done. i will be watching this all night. it’s literally my favorite series in all of existence (lie. tma) Rob and mr small are gonna make me go insane again i’m gonna write another 70k word tawog fanfiction again because of you (/lh /j) anyway i love tawog very much i’m happy my followers have taste

#ask #tllr ask #anton oc #if you’ve never seen tawog and you watch that episode just know that it’s not my favorite and i honestly didn’t care much about it until #i named my anton anton #there’s much better episodes (every single episode rob and mr small are in)#the void… the nobody… the nemesis… the bus… the disaster… the rerun… the ex… the spinoffs… the future…#the. fhe fucking . inquisition #i listed off all of those episodes from memory by the way that’s how normal i was and am about rob #the inquisition pissed me off so much that’s why i wrote that unfinished fanfiction that will never see the light of day #not because it’s bad but. because the writing is pretty bad.#the fanfic was still my favorite thing ever during that time don’t make fun of me…#i’m gonna go write tllr now. i’m almost done with chappy 16 and have anton on the brain (when is he not)#JUST KIDDING my friend texted me as i am typing this. i am going to hang out at the laundromat 👍👍👍👍#clones #wyrms lore

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theamazingannie · 9 months ago

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Kinda crazy how people will call out celebrities for not speaking up on political issues and then a celebrity WILL speak up on that political issue but doesn’t do it in exactly the way these people want so they’ll call THEM out too and it’s like why tf would anyone want to do anything these days if every action they take gets them called out???

#specifically referencing Annie Lennox this time but I’ve seen it so many times just on this issue alone #she called for a ceasefire at the fucking Grammys and all pro Palestine people praised her #and then she made a non aggressive post about it on Twitter that still called for ceasefire but didn’t praise hamas #and people are shaming her and calling her a coward #another time I read someone say Bella Ramsay signed the hostage release letter right after Oct 7 #but has since been outspoken about pro Palestine #but that that’s not enough and they’re still bad for doing that first thing #when they’re an actor not an activist and nobody really understood what was going on back then #like this is exactly why I won’t be one of the people calling on celebrities to be posting on every issue #cuz even people more well informed are called out for being wrong about stuff #I’ve been following this issue since 2019 and I still don’t feel fully comfortable doing more than sharing stuff from better informed people #cand calling out hypocracies and bad arguements (something I studied in college)#I can’t expect someone who didn’t know anything before four months ago and doesn’t actively follow it now #to feel comfortable taking a strong side on an issue where no matter what you do you’re gonna get death threats from SOMEONE #pro Israel pro Palestine neural stance silence #every single choice makes people mad at you so it’s really safer to go with the last #this isn’t ‘register to vote’ or ‘this issue directly affects me and I’m therefore better informed so I’ll talk about it’#this is an extremely hot button sensitive issue #and I’m tired of people acting like social media activism is where we should start and end #call our your politicians not your actors and singers for gods sake

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cuteniaarts · 7 months ago

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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

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thnksfrthmmrs · 7 months ago

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#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad #i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over #and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away #i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine #but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing #right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it #i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever #i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol #every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone #when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad #i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like #it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to #i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time #i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good #i don’t know why anyone keeps me around #sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person #the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable #i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all #i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself #like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time #i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day #and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess #it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk #anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better #sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine

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