#I’m back ???? am alive ????
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can’t help but think of how, if we choose to go by sirius’ characterisation as a private, arrogant teen who only lets a select few into his circle, sirius’ post-azkaban life just have been such an utterly humiliating experience for him.
especially OoTP. when he has all these near strangers in his childhood house, that he hated and loved and ran away from and couldn’t ever escape. if he spent his entire pre-azkaban existence building a cold and aloof persona, not letting people know what his home life had been like, then to have all of these people get a front row seat to it because of kreacher and portrait walburga’s shenanigans must have been near unbearable. to have the entire order, including snape whom he disliked and mistrusted, hear the kinds of names he’s being called.
not only does he have to deal with the retraumatisation of his childhood, but also the fact that he’s flayed open for everyone to see. it’s not only his freedom, innocence, dignity that has been snatched from him but his privacy also. it’s such a cruel thing to experience, on top of everything else.
to have literal children, his godson who he has been kept away from all this while, whom he presumably wants to be able to look up to him, to have him see into the deepest parts of his soul. to have to be so weak in front of him. not only is he subjected to such vileness but he also cannot do anything about it.
sirius has not had a moment of peace in all the time we knew him. it is indignity upon indignity that is heaped onto him. every other character has gotten a moment of respite but him. it fully breaks my heart.
#sirius black#i am in the mood to sob tonight clearly#i just#was reading a fic#where it recounted walburga ad kreacher’s screams and taunts#and it suddenly hit me how humiliating they are?#like#even if it’s an inanimate object and a house elf#to be called an embarrassment and shame of my flesh and filth#by the only remaining members of your family#and to have it be traced back to your family#to know that your mother was alive but did not care that u were in azkaban#and that everyone else knows it too now#to walk around in every corner of your childhood house and be able to see exactly how u grew up#no boundaries no limits#to have other people keep touching parts of your family with the audacity to throw them out#and move it around#to call your home names#i just. cannot imagine.#the level of helplessness he was operating with#is it really any wonder he was the way he was#hell. he was actually so much better than he should’ve been#lesser men would’ve been catatonic or going off on a rage fuelled warpath#it’s so embarrassing to have your parent even correct u in front of friends sometimes#and to hear all this abuse. shouted at you.#and not one person ever stands up for him#or shows him any empathy#i’m actually amazed that even after all these years i’m able to find new tragedies in sirius life#HAS THAT MAN NOT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH#pen’s notes
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I’M LEGIT TEARING UP RIGHT NOW 🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭
MY BOIS ARE BACK THE MARIO AND LUIGI RPGS ARE BACK OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS RN 😭😭😭
#AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF WORRYING THE RPG DIED WITH ALPHADREAM#IT’S BACK#AND IT’S A NEW GAME TOO 😭😭#ALL THE BELOVED RPGS ARE MAKING A RETURN#WE HAD SUPER MARIO RPG#WE HAD PAPER MARIO TTYD#NOW WE HAVE THIS#CAN SOMEBODY PINCH ME#I NEED TO MAKE SURE I’M NOT DREAMING#WHAT A FREAKING TIME TO BE A MARIO FAN#…*whew*#now I have extra motivation to finish replaying Bowser’s Inside Story and finally play Dream Team and Paper Jam#I am SO glad releases like this are gonna help keep my Mario hyperfixation alive as we wait for the movie sequel#mario and luigi#mario#luigi#nintendo direct
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What am I
#red hood#dc batman#jason todd#batman#batfam#batfamily#art#artwork#original art#you ever think about how he probably still thinks he’s dead sometimes#like people don’t come back from the dead and say wow I’m alive#they say I am dead why am I not dead I know I’m dead
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Puppeteered by somebody else
Lowkey maybe totally inspired by this masterpiece by the amazing @joycew-art
#is he dead ? Is he alive ? A secret third thing ? In any case he’s a pathetic puppet and I’m obsessed with him#anyway exam season is finally over and I am back with my bullshit 🧍♀️#and yeah I saw this fanart of Evil Rick attached like puppet and this image was engraved in my brain so I had to draw this#rick and morty fanart#evil rick#rick sanchez#rick and morty#bruh I spent so much time on the coloring it’s not even funny#I feel like I made 300 different versions with different backgrounds and color palettes#(I did the sketches before the background that’s why I -deadass- had to put a weird glassy floor in the 3rd pic so it wouldn’t look weird)#also that’s why the shadows don’t make sense and are mostly vibes#i like to yap
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RE: aging - I found my first gray hairs at 21 (almost 24 now!) and I'm so excited! My mom never got to have a full head of gray hair so I want to celebrate all of the ones I get! It's like I've got starlight in my hair!
this fills me with such joy. I suggest sprinkling on gold glitter for peak cosmic aesthetic. ✨✨✨
#reply#grey and white hair is 👌👌👌#embracing aging is powerful#we need to push back against society as it is now#age is just a number#aging means you’ve been alive and I’m so grateful I still am
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I missed them
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out foraging
#creature art#creature design#fantasy creature#animal art#artists on tumblr#hey guyssss i’m alive lol#hi to all my new followers!#i am drawing just still slowly. my wrist is doing better tho so that’s great :D#these are my ocs: the creature (fungi form) & the sphynx-cat-ipede#i might have to call the creature something else tbh#there’s many different types of it#they are dobermans with 2 heads & endlessly growing legs#this was for funguary but i only got one pic done in all of feb#rsi sucks mannn#hope ur all doing cool before i go back into the void lmao
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Shifting power dynamics between humans and spirits
Bruh, why is no one talking about Ame’s insight of Mirara? “It’s about humanity being brought to heel” how that’s Mirara and by implication The King of Nights real goal here. It’s why Ame mentions going to war with humanity. As far as I’m aware, Wizardry is the only form of magic that isn’t tied to spirits in some way. The sorcerers get power because of their lineage, and warlocks get it through deals, while Witches get their power through their connection to their domain and druids through nature itself. It’s a type of magic that the spirits have no control over because it bypasses them completely to influence the universe directly.
The spirits have been top dog for the longest time, and they are getting nervous because their position of unassailable power is no longer unassailable. Humanity is now starting to catch up and doesn’t have to bow, plead and beg for power from the spirits anymore because they’ve found how to gather power for themselves.
We’ve seen the spirits be just as callous with Human life. Orima didn’t give a shit if the majority of people in Port Talon had nothing to do with Naram’s imprisonment, if they were in her way she was going to kill them. The King of Night is implied to be using necromancy to bolster his army.
Also, everything Suvi said is 100% correct. Tefmet either doesn’t have 100% reliable information (the derelict has been destroyed for months) or more likely she is using the threat of it as a political tool against the citadel. Everything that was shown paints a bad picture about the citadel, but that was the whole point. If you are arguing to destroy your archenemy, you cherry pick your argument and don’t take time out of your presentation to go “these are a few of the things the citadel has done that you might agree with”. Ame and Eursolon always seem so ready to accept the worst about people who have done nothing but try and help them, while the people who tried to kill her are to be trusted as allies, and have no sketchy motives.
I’ve loved the last few episodes but I don’t think the conflict is going to be as clear cut as spirits are good, and wizards are bad.
TLDR; The citadel isn’t pure evil, the spirits are just as big assholes as everyone else and are more worried about being overtaken as the dominant power in the world.
#worlds beyond number#wwwo spoilers#suvirin kedberiket#ame the witch#eursolon the wild one#I’m also sick of all this Steel slander about her betraying Suvi#The only reason that Ame is alive is because of the music box and Steel’s batshit crazy plan#Just like the only reason Ame is alive is because the Citadel nursed her back to health because Ame and Eursolon never stop and think
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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oh shit.
#I’m alive.#the rooms cold#Where am I what the fart#The price of being a goofy goober!#(I’m going insane.)#My body hurts I want to go back to sleep again
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INQUISITOR MARROK NATION WAKE UP
#Marrok in Tales of the Jedi S2 was not on my character cameo speculation bingo card but I am NOT MAD IN THE SLIGHTEST#I always believed my boy could be more than a throwaway in Ahsoka#Im so proud of him he is back#and presumably alive#Manifesting we get his brother rank#Mark my words now i think he’s the Eleventh Brother#I actually called him that for a while before we knew his actual name#Knowing plague doctor inquisitor’s name and rank would be cool too ig#Marrok is priority though#Wouldn’t mind seeing the face under that helmet either#I’M NORMAL ABOUT THIS MAN I SWEAR#tales of the empire#tales of the jedi#inquisitor marrok#star wars
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.
#one of my silly little goals this year is to talk more about my accomplishments even though they aren’t super recent#I’m tired of resigning myself to being a burnt out former gifted kid. I studied at Oxford for a term.#I taught a college class. I TA’d for two other college classes. and volunteer TA’d for the department’s hardest course offering#because I was already being used as a TA that semester for a different class and the professor still wanted someone to run review sessions#I had professors fighting over me to do work and research for them! I had departments fighting over me! I did summer research!#I was the first person in my department in nearly a decade to ask to do a senior thesis. for fun.#I ran programs and clubs and I was a writing tutor for the writing center AND the resume lab/career center#I was the only person in my writing professor’s tenure to earn a 100 on my research paper for that stupid fucking class#in high school I was second in my class and did it while writing one-act plays for production and doing district choirs and acting#I’m so so so tired of beating myself up and falling to my knees and doing penance for the past 4 years.#I fumbled some stuff at the start of my 20’s. I’m an adult with ADHD that no one clocked while I was growing up.#I was supposed to go to St Andrews for an MLitt and then the pandemic happened and I had to withdraw.#I just need to get over it and stop agonizing over every misstep I’ve made since college#otherwise I’m never going to make it out of my 20’s alive#so yeah. for those of you who don’t know! I am a silly cumdrunk braindead good girl PART-TIME#the rest of the time I’m clawing my way back to the high standards I set for myself from first grade onward#my stuff#ignore me i’m rambling
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growing up is realizing you don’t hate anyone in lees group
it’s just a bunch of f-cked up people
forced together in a f-cked up situation
not to mention WITH CHILDREN
#why I think twdg series should’ve ended at the first season#I’m sorry if all of em just died and only clementine was alive and left with omid and Christa as it leaves you on a cliffhanger#is perfect#I just love it#am I just salty about season 2……yes..#I hate how they bring back characters for nostalgia#it just feels stupid especially since they don’t know how to write them anymore#just let em die and stay dead#my stuffy stuff#twdg#opinions#unpopular opinion#maybe#also imagining where everyone in the first group is alive and well is nice#and they interact with the other seasons groups#it’s cute#oh I feel like I should say I’m a twdg kids apologist#they’ve all done nothing wrong
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furudate really made a team consisting of a guy who can do everything except for read the room, a weeb with a Tragic BackstoryTM, a guy who would rather give up his place on the court than change his playing style, a guy who completely changed his playing style just to become part of the team, an old man trapped in a teenager’s body, a guy who loves trying out new stuff but isn’t good at any of it, a quiet and unassuming guy who never fights battles he can’t win, and goshiki and expected me to be normal about it
#could have also described goshiki as a born leader who turned baby#but figured this was funnier#don’t mind me my humor is broken atp#shiratorizawa#in other words i am still unwell about them#also hello i’m alive#just had a very busy two weeks#i’m just constantly busy these days i don’t like it#the blog runs entirely on queue#will be back later to entertain though!!!
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Once I get through finals I will nose dive back into my fanfictions and fandom and being hyperfixated on Kuro like Scrooge McDuck diving into a pile of gold coins
#I’m alive I swear#just barely but I am alive#college is whooping my ass#but I’m bouta lock in and whoop it back 💪💪#JUST YOU WAIT THE FANFICS ARE IN THE MAKING#my post#black butler#kuroshitsuji#fanfiction#life update
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rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now
#me.txt#delete ltr#and i like hearing my friends talk about and show me their interests but it isnt enoughhhh its not enough right now to make my head SHUT UP#right now the only thing that can give me energy is a hyperfixation like this#but with enough content and engagement from others to keep subsisting me without hitting a wall#SOMETHING THAT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO DO WHEN YOU CANNOT DRAW OR WRITE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#BECAUSE WHEN NOBODY IS MAKING ANYTHING!!!!! AND YOU CANT MAKE ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! ALL YOU CAN DO IS CURL UP AND STARVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼#immmm so sick of the only thing that makes being alive feel worth it being hyperfixations theres nothing REAL tying me down i cant stand it#because i am!! too broken!!!! to ever achieve any of the things that WOULD give me a real solid tangible reason to keep living!!!!!!#like a stable job!!!! a place of my own!!! a partner whos dedicated to me above everyone else and me to them in return!!!!!!!#a LIFE that isnt just constantly failing over and over and waiting for the shoe to drop and to lose everything all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont have that!!! and i cant have that!!!!! because im too broken to be able to cultivate and maintain it!!!!!#and the only way. to fix myself enough to be able to do so.#would be to HAVE ENOUGH STABILITY THAT ID HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY TO PUT INTO FIXING MYSELF AND HEALING#i cant fix myself without stability and freedom. and i cant get stability and freedom unless i’m fixed#so it is. literally impossible!!!!!!!#impossible to create my own concrete solid reason to be here.#impossible for me to even create anything to feed the fixations that are my backup reasons.#theres nothing!! nothing!!! i have nothing new to leap to and ive been dwindling for too long and i think i am about to drown#im just waiting for time to tick out. for me to fuck up too badly to come back from one last time and get found out and punished.#and then? theres nothing left. theres literally nothing else left for me
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