#I’m about to be problematic but you can always tell which ships I don’t really like when I’m like. ten year age gap!!!

[redfish-blu]

Cherri and Kobra’s dynamic is so interesting.

Cherri wanted to meet him sooo bad but Party was like “No Way bro you’ll turn him into a serial killer”, but they meet eventually and Cherri is like OMG…

Kobra is very suspicious of them at first but finds out Cherri is also a Mad Gear fan even though they’re “like a thousand years old”. And they become a weird duo that others refer to as the babysitter’s club because Kobra is this stringy ten year old following Cold Blooded Killer Cherri Cola around (who is like nineteen or twenty) and it’s just kind of funny. Also they might be able to read each other’s minds.

[endlessxdreams]

The little hints that are easily missed part 2:

1. When Charles said to Declan (I’m paraphrasing because I don’t remember exactly the lines) that he and Rupert are the same, stubborn, workaholics and want their way always winning I feel like it was a for shadowing for the dynamic between Declan & Rupert’s relationship with each other. They are the same person that in another universe they might be the other way around (Rupert married with kids and Declan a playboy). Regarding that, I feel that it was intensionally assigned as a scene to showcase that Declan’s hate was influenced by Tony but also reasonated the reason why Taggie is entangled with Rupert. Electra’ s syndrome where women fall for men that have the same personality as their father. She sees a lot of her father (which she admires) in Rupert. It may be far fetched but hear me out. Maud is a really bad mother to her children, especially Tags, which she is jealous because of her youth and beauty and she calls her retarted and stupid. Declan on the other hand, has a drinking problem, is a workaholic who rarely goes to his house, has anger issues and has been in a weird relationship with his wife (he enjoys other men watching Maud, lusting after her, being desired and sleeping with them) but as a father he loves Taggie (I think she is his favourite because in their house she’s the only person that is not problematic and tries her best to care for them).

2. Declan immediately saw the way way Rupert was watching Taggie at the pub and said “Stay away from Taggie, you’re old enough to be her father”. So if Taggie is 20 years old (in the books she’s 18) that makes Rupert 40 (in the books he’s 38). The dirt he gathered for Rupert and his secret weapon he will use it when he finds out about AngelBlack (I love the ship name, kudos ❤️❤️ to the person that suggested it).

3. The way he calls her “Angel” is his way of seeing the celestial light, she is an innocent creature, full of love, care and compassion for animals, people, her family. She’s an introvert who loves her own space, likes to provide comfort and love to others but also she didn’t choose this role. She’s not the typical 20 year girl. She’s like a mother figure, she takes care of the household, she cooks, she tries to help other people, her father, her sister while at the same time she tries her best to make her life better, to overcome her own difficulties (dyslexia)- As someone who has dyslexia I can assure you that is difficult, I’m lucky in a sense because while it was 20 years ago (I was in first grade) and it was when my teacher noticed and informed my parents, they didn’t dismissed her and they took me to speech and occupational therapists and is not bad (I read-write-think perfectly without a grammar mistake and when I tell people that I have dyslexia they don’t believe me because I’m the devils advocate and they tell me I should be a lawyer because I’m always 5 steps ahead. But I have a terrible ADHD brain disorder and I can’t remember stuff I read a day before and I can’t concentrate to read and understand what I’m reading/I have also a bad anxiety disorder so while I read I can’t get my mind to remember shit and get anxious and start crying and feel like I’m an idiot because I read the same paragraph 15 times to comprehend what I’m reading and wherever how hard you study and you try you always fail miserably). Mind you that this was 20 years ago in Greece which is not a place that people have empathy or tolerance toward someone else being different than them (even some teachers back then didn’t want me in their class or they didn’t want to help me study because they though I was slow and dummy and some of my classmates were the same). Therefore, I love the representation of people with learning disabilities and how difficult is for them to navigate life. And in the 80’s when so little things were known back then. Thus, Taggie is a fallen angel, she pays for other people’s sins, she is a pure sensitive soul, who from a young age she is always puts other people’s needs first, she keeps her distance, doesn’t try to make herself visible to others, doesn’t take space, attention, affection and love (only her siblings love her continuously as we saw at the hug scene of the NYE episode but I feel like the love her like a mother figure and not as a sister). Rupert’s sees all of that, her sacrifices, her fierce nature to others and her willingness and is drawn to her like a dog needs water, he is the devil and she will redeem him from himself. Someone on Tik Tok mentioned that the bedroom scene from the NYE episode was directed to Rupert’s emotional state. He is in a cold place, he doesn’t care about anyone or tries to give this impressions, he doesn’t see his children because his ex wife didn’t want him anywhere near them, he finds comfort between women’s legs but is temporary and he is a shell of himself and his glory days. And as he puts Taggie to sleep and they look at each others eyes, the celestial light shines bright making Rupert feel warmth inside of him, like all his sins will be consumed.

4. From all the people in NYE episode he was the only one that went into the kitchen and told her to relax and have fun, no one other cared to bother to remember that she existed (expect Patrick and Caitlin). He took care of everything that needing to be taken care of, he protected Charle’s photo of panic attacks getting on paper, he payed the DJ’s, cleaned up and went home. Acts of service. He saw Taggie in an fragile emotional state, feeling unlovable, unworthy, unable to cope with all of this pain and wanted to help her. He talked to Freddie and wanted all three of them to make the franchise in order for Taggie to not leave and because she was devastated by her father losing his job, credibility and leave the town she liked for once in her life. Rupert saw all of this. She had the world on her shoulders at such a young age and wanted to make her happy.

5. The line “What if no one ever loves me?” is a parallel to Rupert’s own thoughts. He confessed to never have been in love in Declan’s show.

6. The way that he was jealous of Ralphie and said that she can do so much better than him and watched intensely and wanted to throw hands for hurting her in the worst way, of Seb who took her to the movies meanwhile he was fucking Cameron.

7. He cared about her opinion of him. He doesn’t give a fuck or pretends to to other people’s opinions but with Taggie he’s eager to learn what she feels of him and he starts slowly to unmask himself from his persona. He gave her an egg jewel and not something mainstream which he would get for other women (for example the bracelet). He was pleasantly surprised by the fact that she accepted his apology but not his gift, because he is so used to pay his way into women’s hearts-pants and Taggie returns it. Also I believe that the egg jewel was a personal gift in which he choose himself whereas all the others were picked by the Jewerly stuff or his assistants.

8. He wants her empowered and to speak her mind. In the episode of the killing of the birds which she did the catering, he pursue her to admit that she will not do another catering job for hunting/killing innocent animals.

9. Rupert’s worry of Taggie’s accident and the way they hugged each other, especially him, the realisation that shr could have been dead. He immediately drove the car and Taggie home because she was so upset that she couldn’t drive and when he heard the tape of the directions, he offered both of them to go to the tours around city promoting Venturer.

10. The way that I HATED HIS GUTS/ LOATHED HIM in the first episodes and couldn’t fathom the fact that they’re a ship and slowly we saw him change, yearning and longing for a glimpse of her, like he see his true self come to the surface and be vulnerable when he sees her . As Bas said “crushing like a school girl”. A 40 year old playboy with a lot of issues that wants his partners daughter which he promised that “she’s out of bounds” and everything is complicated, he could loose everything, his money, his house, his position as a minister, Declan, Freddie, Taggie and his entirety of his life. Talk about complicated and difficult.

[thevixenwitch]

Metaphysical Shop Red Flags:

Little bit of a disclaimer on this one: This post is made from my personal experience. If you have a small business, this post is not about you, but hey if some of these things stand out to you, maybe it's worth analyzing your business model.

I am someone that's been active in irl and online pagan and witch spaces for over a decade now, and am compiling this from my own experiences, as well as those of my partners. I'm also a tad anti-capitalist, so an alternative title for this post could be "How to Spot if You're Actually that Metaphysical Shop's Cash Cow".

Now, let's get started.

Unknown or unethically sourced White Sage is a really noticeable starting place. Once I was at a market and saw cute smoke cleansing bundles with dried flowers and cinnamon sticks and quartz points, very pretty, very flashy! But when I asked where the Sage was sourced, the lady manning the booth said they were from Amazon. Some sellers value visual appeal to make a sale over anything else.

Overt appropriation via bulk, drop shipped items like “smudging” tools, dream catchers, etc. This list of items can vary dramatically based on who owns the shop, what practices exist in your area, so it’s good to educate yourself on how to spot appropriation. This does NOT mean ethically sourced options that benefit marginalized communities, that’s what we want to insist our local shops have for us to buy!

On that note, a lack of local creators and/or sourcing in general. Not every store has a goal of being a community hub, but beyond that they are still very visible aspects of the community. It strikes me as very odd that I can more reliably buy locally sourced herbs from a random gift shop than I can from a metaphysical store no matter which state I’m in.

Crystals with no information about where they were sourced. There is a growing issue with the intense demand for crystals that has caused an increase in unethical sources, so knowing where your purchases come from is important. Compare prices at metaphysical shops to those at your local rock shop, especially if you are lucky enough to have one run by gemologist, geologist, or rockhound. I have talked about this already elsewhere, so I won’t bog down this post too much with it. The short of it is, transparency is a green flag.

This one may be controversial, but dramatic markups in general. Don’t be afraid to compare prices to other places, particularly other local options if they are available. A few dollars variance is normal, but a huge markup should be obvious. Things like location can have a huge impact on price, which is good to keep in mind. The availability and price of something can vary wildly based on that factor alone, but that’s why I recommend checking against other options within your area. Do remember that comparing to Amazon prices isn’t fair to small businesses, and “cheap” is not the goal here.

If the contents of the store are all drop-shipped, or bulk stock that can definitely be something to keep an eye out for. If the place is full of items you can actually look up on Amazon, that may be worth paying attention to.

Prevalence of well-known problematic authors. If they have Silver Ravenwolf on a central display, that’s always something that tells me a shop prioritizes making a sale over providing quality products. If there’s an overwhelming presence of Lewellyn published books with minimal alternatives, that shows a lack of care for diversity or quality control.

AI items. Let’s be so for real here. Walking into a shop and seeing an obviously AI generated altar cloth with gibberish symbols all over it is a bad thing. I’ll talk more on the rising presence of AI that’s very negatively influencing the quality of information available in the pagan community at a later time.

Bulk resin and 3D printed items. We’ve all seen them, the vendor at a fair with an army of dozens of jointed dragons, or ten resin-cast, glitter-filled Gaia statues that light up! All so sparkly, colorful, and eye-catching. I’d implore anyone to learn more about how much plastic waste is involved in bulk production of low-quality products like this.

What my wife likes to call “Apple Store vibes”. Call me traditional, but when a store is all sleek white lines and tidy, understocked shelves, I know I’m in for some of the highest prices for incense I’ve ever seen. These stores are meant to bring in people with money burning a hole in their pocket, and that’s often reflected in the visually appealing kitsch that never actually seems to serve a purpose.

This can be a red flag SOMETIMES but not always: A lack of diversity in the paths represented. Sometimes a shop is just a reflection of the owner’s personal practice, or the focuses of the local community. Other times, there can be a reflected air of superiority of one path over others. This is entirely dependent on the individual store.

A big one I’d like to end on; they only host paid classes and services with no way for under-served members of the community to attend or participate. This is made even worse if the events are all over $20. Especially if this store is the only option in your area for these things! Instead of providing a service, they could be focused on cornering the market.

A quick Green Flag for some positivity, the presence of the owners or staff’s personal practice! I love being able to ask for insight from the source, I love being able to buy someone’s personal oil blends, I love learning more about things I may not have thought about because I’m not walking that path myself. Staff that want to chat and help can be so nice and really add to a welcoming environment.

Supporting small businesses is so important, and they can really be cornerstones of our community, but we need to be able to see the difference between someone passionate about providing resources and space to a community, and others that are looking to make a quick buck off of people starving for that. We as consumers need to hold our communities to some kind of standard, and I for one find that my standard is a certain level of authenticity. Not everyone selling metaphysical tools and supplies is trying to scam someone, but there are bad actors everywhere. Educate yourself, keep your eyes open, and don’t be afraid to ask yourself what someone’s motivations are.

[arliedraws]

6, 9 and 25 for the Hater Asks pls 🦥

Hater asks 😂

6. Which ship fans are most annoying? Fanon Wolfstar. I am honestly so annoyed by the Prongsfoot bashing and the weird comments I’m always getting on art about Wolfstar. Sometimes I’ll post a Sirius/James work and I’ll get comments like, “Please tell me you don’t ship them 🤢” and it’s like…I would never do that on a WS post? It’s nothing new, of course—ship wars have always been a thing…but must they?

9. Worst part of canon? Did this one here but I can complain about something else. This is not the worst part of canon and not even that problematic, but I think Rowling was scared to kill off Sirius and gave herself an out. I’ve chatted with @impishtubist about this, but I think his death was ambiguous because she wanted to give herself a chance to bring him back. I think if she had been really be sure of her decision, he would have died by the Killing Curse 🤷‍♀️

25. Common fandom complaint you’re sick of hearing. I’m honestly sick of people complaining about Molly Weasley because of how she treated our blorbo Sirius. First of all, she DOES see Harry as her own, but to a certain extent, I think she also sees Sirius as her child too. But Sirius is a grown-ass man! He doesn’t like being told what to do, and he’s done just fine on his own for the last two years thankyouverymuch. But Molly is worried about him, and she can’t understand why he’s so sullen—he’s safe, and isn’t that what matters most? Why would he put himself in danger? Why would he put Harry in danger? I think this is a really interesting thing about Molly who’s lost both of her brothers. It’s annoying, and damn, she’s certainly not right, but I think she carries a LOT of trauma, and she puts that on people who she believes she can control. In a world that is spinning entirely out of her control, she’s hanging on to the last few things over which she can exert her influence. She’s so much more complicated than “bitchy mother who makes life annoying for our faves.”

Thank you for asking!

Choose Violence Ask Game

[babkaboy]

I’ve always been curious about Obikin, because it never felt right to me, but it isn’t exactly a pro-ship? I can never really tell. On one hand there’s the “you were my brother Anakin” on the other theres the headcanons. I just wanna know what the appeal is from someone who ships them. /gen

i’m not the best person to answer this bc i really don’t care at all if a ship is problematic or proshipper or whatever lol, i mean the first thing i did after watching the kenobi show was to look out for art and fics of vader nonconning obi-wan 🤪 and even if anakin and obiwan were siblings (which they aren’t let’s be real) i’m all for the dead dove ngl!! also it’s fiction… have a little more fun cuz this shouldn’t be that different than playing with our barbies when we were 4 and making them kill each other or have orgies together lol

but to answer your question, first i found their cat-and-mouse dynamic in kenobi really hot. vader obsessing diligently on his old master who he claims he doesn’t care about anymore was crazy. however, i think obikin is a beautifully complicated relationship. it’s canon that both anakin and obi-wan’s entire relationship is built on duality: master and apprentice, dark and light, love and hate, two halves of the same coin. this is some soulmatism shit that i fuck with and i was never into the whole soulmates tbh. i also think obi-wan is a heavily repressed man in terms of love and attachments and following the code to the core, and ofc struggles with his love for anakin: he cannot control him in any way for the force against humanity that anakin is (he’s such a momboy) plus he had the chance to kill him a couple of times and yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it and finally free him from the misery of being darth vader, bc of his love for him. he even spent his life in exile and probably didn’t kill himself just for the sake of anakin’s children. it’s not a coincidence that he decided to finally die and join the force when luke and leia were reunited and he guaranteed their safety

and then you have anakin who is anything but someone who subdues his feelings: he thrives for love, love is was fuels him and the reason he Fell on the first place, he pushes and pushes like the way he did to get padme to love him. i simply love how their own approach to love complements each other so well and i cannot get enough of it, bc at the end of the day they are both each other’s most important person. like look at this extract of this novel where anakin finally joins the force after ROTJ and how obi-wan has his own whole sentence from the other ones (even from padme!!!! or shmi!!!!)

idk man i just love them so much

[bigtittiecomitte]

“Envy and Thuzi was supposed to be endgame but they changed their mind for Nuzi”

Oh boy. I hate this phrase and I dislike anyone that says this phrase and BELIEVE that Envy and Thuzi were supposed to be the canon ships. I keep seeing this phrase from toxic shippers that just can’t accept that there were no signs of those two ships of even happening and I really want to talk about the stupid misinformation of it because if there’s a thing that toxic shippers love doing the most….it’s spread misinformation.

‼️This is not a hate post about ships, I just want to talk abt how silly it is‼️

Let’s start off with an actual fact about the show! Liam wrote the scripts for each episode before episode 2, everything was planned for a reason it did not just happen out of the blue, you can tell by specific posts that Glitch made in (Glitch posting abt Beau a year ago) and some Reddit posts of the Liam qna has a lot of interesting things so I definitely recommend checking that out. So no, Nuzi can’t be fanservice if it was planned before the ship became a popular thing, people just say it’s fanservice bc they hate seeing a crowd of people happy even though they’d be just like Nuzi shippers if N and V held hands instead

I kinda have a lot to say abt Envy so I’ll just talk about Thuzi first. Thuzi (the ship between Thad and Uzi) wouldn’t have happened in canon and it’s very simple to see why it wouldn’t work out, first of all Thad hasn’t been shown ANYWHERE ever since episode 4 and I don’t think he’ll ever been seen again unless they go inside the bunker and although people say that Thad is gone bc of his voice actor being problematic I think he was always supposed to be written out (reminder that the show was written before all of that va drama). Thad didn’t really have a role to be honest he was just kinda there lol which is what wouldn’t work out between him and Uzi since they haven’t talked since episode 2, if Liam wanted Thuzi to be endgame then he would’ve made them interact more, get people invested into the ship before it would become canon but the pilot is the only episode where Thad and Uzi properly interact (I would count episode 2 but there really weren’t any shipping moments between the two unless it’s that scene where Thad pops in but that was just Uzi being all awkward lol). I’d like to add that we have no idea how Thad feels about Uzi, he’s just friendly with everyone so it’s tough to know if Thad even likes Uzi because he hasn’t shown any sign that he has, anyways that’s just my view on Thuzi lol

Envy is a ship filled with miscommunication and I’m not going to deny that. Envy (ship between N and V) is the rival ship of N and Uzi and is the 2nd most popular ship, in my opinion, it’s not a good one at all and this isn’t because I’m a Nuzi shipper, it’s because of the toxicity of it, N and V in their DD forms is very toxic and dysfunctional, V is an okay character but people should acknowledge that V was incredibly mean to N (Ignoring him, physically assaulting him, etc) obviously it’s because of everything that happened in the mansion but that doesn’t justify her actions, N is also pretty mean to V too (insulting her, physically assaulting her, etc) I don’t blame him but it still shouldn’t be justified, couples shouldn’t be mean and hurt each other which is where the miscommunication comes into place. N and V don’t talk about their feelings, they don’t talk about why they’re the way that they are with each other, they just don’t communicate, the only positive interaction I’ve seen them have is only when they are Worker Drones but that’s it, as I said in that reblog of people blaming Uzi and wishing harm on her (btw go check that post out they describe everything SO well!) we don’t know what N and V’s relationship was before they became DD’s, they could’ve been dating, they could’ve just been friends, we have no idea how long they’ve known each other for, all we know is that they were much more nicer to each other than what we see in the entire show. Maybe if they just talked and explained their feelings to each other and why V was ignoring N for who knows how long then maybe they could’ve had a chance of being endgame but that hasn’t happened and might never will if V is dead for good, they still have a chance of talking to each other but it’s too late for them to love each other, N clearly has moved on from his crush on V (it’s been noticeable since episode 3) and has taken interest in Uzi which is the only relationship he has had with anyone that is healthier so it’s no surprise if N and Uzi start dating. People need to realise that V needs to sort herself out without N, she doesn’t need a man to suddenly make her better, she needs to do that on her own terms before talking to N and starting a friendship with him

So now that’s out the way…misinformation! If Toxic shippers had a dollar for every time they spread misinformation around they’d be a billionaire because holy hell do they love spreading false information, I’ve seen so much new fans comment underneath a Nuzi post “oh but I thought they were ____” which is really damn sad. No guys Glitch and Liam never stated which ship was going to be canon they wouldn’t just spoil it and no Nuzi didn’t just come out of nowhere, if you look just close enough, they’ve been hinted at a million times

Thanks for reading this silly thing I made at 3am, I hope it does make sense bc I might just cry if I was explaining gibberish to everyone

[utilitycaster]

What’s wild to me is when the purple and black hearts stans start lying about how a lot of beaujes shippers reacted to beauyahsa. Like they were out here calling beauyasha a ship for straight people and accusing the cast of queerbaiting because one wlw ship was canon instead of another one. I’ll never forget when someone said that Beau was a problematic predatory lesbian stereotype because they were mad she never confessed her feelings for Jester.

It goes to what you’ve been saying that very little has happened between Laudna and Imogen romantically so a lot of people have resorted to yelling about other things and accusing people who don’t like the ship of being homophobic. As a lesbian I wanted to love the ship so much but it doesn’t interest in and it’s so disheartening to be accused of hating wlw relationship or be told that I’m not watching the show right.

Hey anon,

I feel like I keep using the word "ahistoric" but god does it fit like...the ugly truth is that, at least on Tumblr, the main detractors from Beauyasha by the end of the campaign were people who shipped Beau and Jester; again, there will always be some misogyny and homophobia and bigotry in the fandom so long as these exist in the real world, but like, it was not homophobes saying Beauyasha was For The Straights.

(also...how is it problematic and predatory to...not confess your feelings for someone if you have no intention of acting on them because you and they are both in other relationships. This is besides the point of this ask but I swear the people who were mad at the C2 canon ships were on a new level of dipshittery; they kept asking for Closure (TM) and it's like most normal people, if they have an unrequited crush and then enter into a relationship with someone else, never tell the person about the crush because it's awkward and there's literally nothing to do or say about it. Like, the typical path forward for closure is like, telling your therapist or journalling or making an angsty playlist, not Confessing Your Love while you're both in relationships with someone else.)

I do think this history is relevant though because in many ways...the behavior of people who shipped Beau and Jester paved the way for the open dislike of Imogen and Laudna we see today. Why should I listen to someone who calls me homophobic for not liking a lesbian ship when they called me homophobic and straight last campaign for liking a lesbian ship they didn't like? Why would I ever listen to a random person who does not know me through anything but our shared interest in the same Actual Play show's assessment of my feminist credentials based on the fact that I don't want the same two characters to kiss as they do? Why would I ever bother to try hit their ever moving target instead of saying "ok" and moving on?

Which isn't to say it doesn't suck. I've gotten questions about how to not be bothered or disheartened before from others, and I don't have great advice because I happen to just, through a combination of personal experience and natural tendencies not be much of a people pleaser, but like...I mean, you're the only person who can know if you're a lesbian. That's really it. Not particularly caring about a specific F/F ship very obviously does not disqualify you from being a lesbian, which we know because otherwise we could just as easily say that not shipping Beauyasha would disqualify you from being a lesbian. They can say whatever they want; it's annoying, but it's bullshit and I think even they know it. (the alternative of course is that they're very, very stupid and do not know it.)

[rise-my-angel]

I appreciate your takes a lot and think you are quite respectful. I am a Dany fan and would enjoy Jon and Dany together in the books if it was healthy and they were interested in each other and blah blah basically it would have to be a very specific scenario for me to enjoy it but anyway I don’t consider myself a stan of any character or ship and I’m a bit perplexed by that type of fan. I enjoy reading posts by people who disagree with me and have different interpretations of characters. I get so disappointed when I find that I’m blocked by someone just because maybe they hate Dany or they ship a ship I don’t like even though we otherwise have similar opinions and even if we don’t, isn’t it nice to see what other people think sometimes? It’s refreshing I think. I’m a big Jon fan and I’m going to enjoy posts by other true Jon fans even if they don’t like Dany. I just have a hard time seeing why everyone is so bothered. Some fans are very rude and toxic when people disagree (I have been accused by other Dany fans of secretly being a Sansa and Jonsa stan just because I said I think Dany COULD be a villain in the books and I’d be okay with it as long as it’s well written which is silly. I’d be okay with so many different outcomes as long as they’re well written because it’s not my story and I trust George to tell a good one if he ever finishes it at all). I just wish we as fans could focus on celebrating the things we do agree on and ignore it when we disagree or have respectful and thought provoking conversations instead of just blocking or being hostile

I genuinely like dissecting what about characters or ships I dislike and why. I love analyzing fiction in ways that explore what works or doesn't work about something for a story in my personal opinion and how framing certain characters can have adverse effects on fan point of views.

People talk about "hating on things" when really, I love discussing why I think Rhaegar is a peice of shit. I love explaining what about Dany I think is a tyrant. But that is very difficult with a very specific subset of this fandom.

Mostly Dany stans and Sansa stans, but this also bleeds into the general discussion of targ stans. The fact of the matter is, they are fine with trashing the other character, but as soon as I make a post that is anti that character they stan, I am hating unjustifiably. I am hating just to hate and I am looking for things to hate.

And unfortunately, that means I am always on the defensive about my Jon opinions. This fandom has an issue with discussing Jon without attaching a ship to that narrative, especially Jonsa and Jonerys stans. I do not ship him with anyone, therefore I want to discuss him as a singular character and that includes exploring what I think are problematic and toxic characters towards him. Which in my analysis, includes Dany and Sansa. But because to a lot of these people, Jon is seen as an extension of Dany or Sansa in a ship, I am clearly one or the other.

I cannot tell you how silly it is to have "Anti Jonsa, Anti Jonerys, Anti Jonrya, Anti Jongritte" in my bio, and every single one of my anti jonerys posts gets passed around as pro jonsa evidence or my anti jonsa posts gets passed around as pro jonerys evidence.

It is a subset of this fandom I hate because it has shown how impossible it is to discuss Jon as a complete individual character outside of romantic ships and it is exhausting.

It is a very persistent problem. I don't care who personally ships these things, but the fandom has made it's mark by declaring that either your with them or your their enemy and any disagreeing opinions are seen as attacks instead of discussion of media I enjoy.

People can like Dany and Jonerys, or Sansa and Jonsa, but it is the persistent screaming that opinions like mine are being unfairly hateful or delusional that piss me off. I'd rather not have such negative opinions about certain shippers, but it is the angry mob mentality they have that make me so against it.

I want to just discuss Jon as a character on his own, they only want to discuss Jon as a side companion romantic interest to their favourite female character. And I get blocked for speaking against their sacred cow, whereas I go looking through their blogs just to see what their side says so I can make a fair argument to their points when engaging in critical discussion on my own personal posts.

Me and them are not the same.

[golden--goofball]

Asking anonymous solely because I don’t want to be attacked my antis on my main,,, I’m not exactly proship (personally I just think the whole shipping discussion is kinda weird and honestly a lot of proship people and antis agree on things but just constantly use extremes- from my own experiences Anti’s are more guilty of this but I can understand some of them) but I’m chill with people being proship and shipping whatever

Just curious how do you deal with the constant slander on people who are proship? I feel like Tumblr is one of the better websites in this sense but like- Honestly I’m low-key kinda worried of getting involved in the discourse because I’m not really “against” problematic ships themselves :,)

You’re very cool for dealing with all of that (and keeping your anons open for the most part-)

—

Also kind of funny PSA but I recently got an anon ask being like “… hey- I don’t know if you know but one of your mutuals (that you obviously interact with fairly frequently)… is a proshipper!!1!” Which, I mean it wasn’t outright rude (I think) so I’m not particularly upset or anything but I just find it so funny because that mutual has proship in their bio and posts about shipping discourse very frequently? Like huh,,, my mutual who reblogs proship content and has admitted being one more times than I can count is a “proshipper” you say..? Wow Anon.. really? No way…. /silly

(But I am low-key kinda worried if that Anon wasn’t a mutual or someone who I interact with often, and will immediately jump to the conclusion that I must be proship and by their logic an absolute scum bag,,, oh well it is what it is lol)

honestly yeah, tumblr is pretty tame. tiktok, however, is fucking DEPLORABLE. it's a struggle over there, man 😔😔😔. i will say i also think shipcourse is pretty dumb sometimes, but i'll be damned if i'm gonna stay neutral on that shit lol.

honestly, dealing with the hate is a lot harder on me than i let show. but i always keep it in my mind that i have friends who can help me in private, and in public i can let the haters think they don't get to me so that they shut up and fuck off lmao.

also i must admit i actually don't always leave anons on lol. i have a limit of 3 hate anons and then i turn them off for like a week to get em to go away.

that's really funny honestly. there's been a group of people (who've hated me for LONG before i came out as profic lmao) going around telling everyone who so much as views one of my posts the DARK EVIL TRUTH about how i…am anti-harassment over fiction. sometimes if someone refuses to cut me off after finding out, they start pulling them into it as well in order to further push them to drop me in order to clear their own name. craziest part is, it's worked a couple of times. that's when shit gets really hard. BUT i'm still alive. so clearly it WASN'T HARD ENOUGH ‼️‼️‼️💪💪💪💥💥💥💥

i wouldn't worry about them, anyone with half a mind (aka, worthy enough to be taking up space in your brain) wouldn't think that way in the first place. it may be hard, but trust me, the people worthy of staying with you will do so. though this may sound cruel of me, it's honestly the nicest way to put it

the trash will take itself out.

[findroleplay]

good time zone ☀️ im 25+ looking for 21+ for an enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers, or a combo of the both oc x oc roleplay. Im mostly interested in some kind of dark academia or dark fantasy university setting with problematic content (for example, one of our characters is a serial killer and also a necromancer, or the two participate in black magic/satanic rituals and makes that a problem for everyone, etc). I do want to include nsfw but I’m mostly looking for plot and character development

some basics you should know: discord only and keep in mind that I work full time and really only have time to rp on the weekends

characters: I don’t like to tell people they can’t play a certain character but I just want to give a heads up that overly aggressive characters who are just aggressive all the time and for no reason irk me. im not a fan of the lone wolf Mary sue who is just rude. Your character can be rude but I do want to incorporate some romance in here so it’s hard to do that if the character is being a *redacted* all the time. also I don’t particularly like rping with uwu bottom crybaby 👉👈 types. what I want to write is darker and more problematic. the characters I plan to bring in are a sly, charming, fake, daddy’s money type with a lot of dirty laundry and secrets and/or a jock with baggage who is arrogant and always trying to one up everyone bc he worked hard to get where he’s at so he acts like he’s superior

faceclaims: no drawn faceclaims or faceclaims that belong to YouTubers, streamers, or content creators. celebs, models, musicians only. This isn’t a RPF so use whoever as long as they are in that 21 - 30 range for the academia setting

nsfw: I have very little triggers which we can talk about. I typically like to write the top or a switch. But please don’t make being dom aggressive top/I’m so shy and meek bottom their personality. It’s unrealistic and I don’t believe in type setting bedroom roles

ships: mxm or mxf with me in the male role

-

[announzingforya]

Intro Post

Hello, my name is Mist, but you can call me River, Riveret, Soup, or really any other name under the sun that isn’t inappropriate.

I made this blog to chat with others and express myself to those who I know will validate me.

Here’s my pronoun page, please read it as it’s important.

I have quite a few interests, but my main ones are:

Object shows

The Pink Corruption

Regretevator

Bugbo

Wandersong

Minesweeper

JSaB

CRK / Cookie Run Kingdom

Note: just because they’re my interests doesn’t mean I’m always going to post about them.

Another note: I do not associate myself with being in the jsab fandom and never will. I just like the game.

I would appreciate it if you don’t interact with me if you:

Fall under basic DNI lists.

Are a NSFW, NSFT or minor DNI blog.

Support people, ships, or other miscellaneous things that are problematic.

Are a proshipper / comshipper (technically falls under above rule but I want to make sure y’all understand this one).

Strongly enforce / project your religion onto others.

Go to blogs to be an asshat.

[ NOTE: I am fine with adult blogs interacting, just don’t be weird or creepy. I am a minor, I would NOT like to deal with that. ]

I also have a few tags I use (which may be added onto).

Mist’s Shenanigans - Out of context posts, shitposts or just me being chaotic.

Mist’s Art - My art based posts. [NOTE: Some posts may contain vent art: these are tagged vent art and have a “continue under cut” as well.]

Mist’s Ask Responses - Ask responses.

Mist’s Submissions - My submissions.

Mist’s Thoughts - My thoughts, negative and positive. [Please look at the tone tags on these posts; I’d appreciate it.]

Right before we get to the last of all of this, here’s some notes about me.

I am a minor. Please don’t be weird with me and keep that in mind when interacting.

I dislike the topic of religion due to past and current events in my life. It’d be immensely preferred if the topic is brought away from me.

I may have hyperactive-impulsive adhd (I am not diagnosed) meaning that I can be very disorganized, chaotic, forgetful and hyperactive at times I shouldn’t. Please bear with me, I’m trying my best here.

I curse; if you don’t like this, please tell me and I’ll try to tone it down.

I find it difficult to tell what tones people are in sometimes, so it’d be appreciated if you use some form of tone indicator like tone tags.

I love it when people interact with me. I love seeing notifications! Feel free to mass like and/or reblog my posts, as I don’t mind in the slightest.

I am the embodiment of the word ambivert. (Half joking here; I’m just extremely ambiverted.)

I myself may mass like and reblog people’s posts, please tell me if you don’t like this.

Lastly, here’s some boundaries of mine. Please respect them.

If you know my real name, please do NOT use variations of it. I genuinely hate variations of my name being used on me and it makes me uncomfortable.

I dislike the topic of religion, as seen above. Please don’t bring it into casual conversation, as I’ve already been exposed to enough toxic religion related stuff.

Don’t reblog my vents unless there’s a tag explicitly saying you can. Please just comment or ignore them.

Please don’t censor tws. I have a few things filtered out and I don’t want to see them.

Here’s some userboxes; thanks for reading!

(By the way, the only userbox that is mine is the minesweeper one; the others are not mine.)

[ The separators were made by @cafekitsune, please go give them some love and check them out! /nf ]

[ultimablades]

For the character ask game: Sanson, the one and only, obviously! Or if you've already answered for him, how about Alphinaud? :D

I’ll do both because I love both of these characters!!!

Sanson

[vibrates at a frequency b that could shatter glass] I love him a normal amount.

1: sexuality headcanon: gay gay homosexual gay

2: otp: Guydelot is the love of his life — i always imagine that he wasn’t trying to find a relationship or didn’t have a lot of interest in them because he was so focused on his duty and his goal of creating a bard unit that it was very “that’s something that will happen later in life,” so his feelings for Guydelot are unexpected and also hit him like a train

3: brotp: the WoL once again lol but I also love his relationship with moogles??? They are his little friends???

4: notp: the WoL lol. I make jokes about Nourval having a crush on Sanson post SB just cause Sanson was nice to him but he knows it won’t go anywhere and I think it’s funny to imagine him being frustrated by a silly lil crush. But I don’t actually ship them.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: I think Sanson is an okay singer. Not great like Guydelot, probably not good enough to be a bard. But he’s better than he gives himself credit for and will sing with Guydelot when they’re alone

6: favorite line from this character: it’s hard to choose one but the first ones that came to mind were him saying that he’s nervous but knows things will be okay with Guydelot by his side, him telling us to tell Nourval Guydelot is in a drunken stupor, and him saying he needs to write the view from the churning mists down so he can share it with Guydelot 🥲🥲🥲

7: one way in which I relate to this character: I related to him a lot tbh which is probably why I always headcanon him as a September virgo…sometimes I’m like there’s definitely a lil projection going on here but—

But I think a big one is getting so focused on small details, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture, which I think he does a lot in the HW quests

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: him walking right into Nourval’s very obvious trap…baby girl please

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? He’s Mon petiti Chou, he has never done anything wrong in his life

Alphinaud:

My baby boy, my son who I birthed and raised myself

1: sexuality headcanon: gay but he hasn’t realized it yet

2: otp: he’s only 16/17 so I don’t ship him romantically with anyone, he’s too young…but I think his big ole puppy love/idol worship crush on estinien is cute, and I think he has a lil crush on Arenvald too (again, very much in a baby’s first crush on someone who’s older than them kinda way)

3: brotp: I do really love his friendship with Arenvald and I wish we got to see them hanging out more! And his friendship with Kai-shirr is sweet too

4: notp: basically anyone who is an adult LOL but especially an adult who is twice his age

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: I’ve always thought he was a trans boy

6: favorite line from this character: hmmmmm i really like when he tells Vauthry he needs a mirror cause it will capture the horror he sees before him better than a painting could. Imagine getting burned by ALPHINAUD

7: one way in which I relate to this character: when we first meet him, he was very much a know it all who thought he knew best lol. I was really bad about being a know it all when I was younger and I try to be mindful about those tendencies in myself now that I’m older

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: the entire buying a sword incident…baby boy please

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? If you look up a picture of a cinnamon roll, it would just be a picture of Alphinaud

[lesslie-sass]

I recently tumbled across your account and saw your whole death threat situation and people going as far as to to say they hope you get r@ped…

Let’s make one thing clear before I say what I’m about to say, anything you did does not justify these reactions. NEVER. By doing so, they’re no better than the person they’re hating on, and I genuinely hope karma bites back at them like a bitch. But that said, you genuinely need to stop acting like a victim most of the time like other anon said awhile back, as after scrolling through your account for context, you genuinely say some of the stupidest things ever and act surprised when rational people (nothing counting the actual idiots who told you to kill yourself and sent you r@pe threats) call you out. Saying Glitch never cared about MD, saying Liam hate men, you’re literal hatred of Uzi which even someone like me who isn’t that big of a fan of MD can tell is bs, as you’re treat her like she’s always whining about N and can’t do anything, where the show clearly proves you wrong. This isn’t even mentioning how you genuinely do kinda have a hate boner for Nuzi, going a far to make hate art and call all its shippers morons when they’re plenty of examples in the fandom to prove you wrong again.

Again, making it clear, I don’t and WON’T support the threats you been getting, those people can fuck off, especially over getting that mad over a ship they don’t like, but you have to realize your own flaws and improve upon them. As continuing to go down this path with your behavior will only makes thing worse. By choosing not to listen to this advice, you’re only going to make things harder for yourself

So what, wanna me to ditch my opinions, reject my own interests and preferences, so I would join your nuzi cult and dick ride Liam, eh? Because me, a terrible being such as mean, stupid, gross shipper of codegold with hate boner towards nuzi (that def didn't worsen because of it's fans, nooo) can't know shit.

This "educating thing" is just bunch of pricks being condescending towards me, invalidating my opinion and intelligence because it's different from the mass. You don't try to understand me, so why should I try to understand those who obviously hate me? (especially with my low empathy, it's already pretty hard for me to sympathize with anyone) I didn't ask for any "advice" by the way, so why you even bothered with "scrolling through my account" if you didn't even try to take into account how I stated to have my own mental problems, such as low empathy, as said above, and suicide ideation, that you all dismissed to me as just playing a victim, that I actually thought of apologizing but then came d3ath threats, which everyone ignored, so I changed me mind. You all just don't care and it's obvious, you just cherry-picking everything you don't like about me to twist everything to make me the villain of the fandom, a toxic, stupid, problematic monster to hate and harrass.

Also, my hatred towards Uzi comes not only from her being annoying character in MINE OPINION, but also because she reminds of really terrible, I would even say traumatic, period in my life when I acted similarly to her and it was awful and hurtful and sad. (which I won't discuss in details here, so I won't appear "victim playing" again, because no one gives a shit anyway and I don't want it to be used against me)

Anyway, I don't wanna waste much time, just wanted to post and show what kind of pricks bother me, even I don't post anything. (not even gonna talk about any other stuff you mentioned, like mine opinion of Glitch and Liam and so called "hate art", I'm tired of explaining every little thing I did when no one listens anyway)

And for those who for some reason continue to check my stuff despite your obvious hate boner towards me, especially you dear gaslighting victim blaming anon, just

GET OUT OF MY ACC!

No one's holding you here and I don't even "provoke" anyone at this point, yall just wanna be butthurt and trying to force your "correct" opinion on me

[cann1ballistic]

Hello!!!

I just wanted to say I’m a fan of your art!!! Both here and on twitter!!! Unfortunately I’ve never said anything before, I also don’t follow you on twitter because of the antis. It’s also why I’m dropping an anonymous ask instead of showing my account.

I’ve watched the trolls movies before but the third movie was what got me into looking for art and fiction cause I wanted to see more of Branch and his family. And new official content takes a long time to come out, so I decided to look for more content online since there are many artists and writers that are always creating more content!!! Sometimes it’s even better than the official stuff 😂!!! I was looking for more stories about Branch and his brothers growing up together and stuff like that, more family centered stuff.

I was however, a little surprised with the Trolls fandom base because of the antis, I’ve been reading and seeing art from different fandoms for many years now and so far, at least for me, I’ve never seen such intense anti pro shippers. In fact, I’ve never quite understood what the word meant before, I thought it had to do with problematic ships, which I thought had to do with shipping for example heroes and villains or if two people have a big age difference.

I never even realized that incest was part of it. In all the fandoms I’ve read stories that include incest before magic or technology or natural biology, etc solved all the problems. Same with age differences, some characters would be aged up. Villains would turn out to have tragic backstories or one of the supposed good guys was tricking the protagonist. And I never noticed people being overly vocal about it. I mean I knew there were antis out there but it never got out of hand. An example of that, at least for me, was the Harry Potter fandom, I never had problems with antis or feared being blocked by certain artists because of what I read or who I followed.

But with the Trolls fan base some artists are very vocal about it. If a certain artist sees that you follow a pro shipper artist or if they see you comment on any of their art or if you say anything about the subject that they don’t like you are immediately blocked!!!

And twitter isn’t very private, everyone can see who you follow, your likes, retweets, your comments, etc and that makes it super easy for the antis to block you immediately!!! To avoid that, any pro shipper art I like I bookmark it, since that is the only thing other people on twitter can’t see. I don’t leave comments or like the art, cause I know if any of the antis find out about it they will block you, screenshot your account and tell everyone to avoid and block you cause you are a pro shipper or neutral. And I really don’t know what a neutral is!!! I’m guess it’s someone that doesn’t care either way, I think?

The antis will also talk shit about you behind your back!!! I also don’t leave comments on the stories on AO3 and I’ve considered making a second twitter account so that I can follow the pro shipping artists from the Trolls fandom I like in peace but!!! I’m so paranoid about the fact that the antis will discover my original account somehow that I haven’t done it!!! Here on tumblr you can at least keep your likes and who you follow private.

There are so many amazing Trolls artists out there, unfortunately they are for the most part very outspoken antis, at least from what I’ve seen.

Sorry!!! I’m venting a little here, it’s just… for the longest time I was ok with whatever showed up in front of me, story and art wise. For me it didn’t matter the pairing or anything else as long as the story was interesting!!! I’ve read stories where the only thing in common with the cannon content was the names and appearances of the characters everything else was completely different and I was fine with it because the story was super interesting!!! And there’s also the fact that it’s FICTION!!! Just because you are ok with what people write or draw doesn’t mean you’re ok with it in real life!!! I mean there are authors out there that write horror, gore and murder mysteries but that doesn’t mean that they want to actually kill some in real life!!!

The Trolls antis got me so out of sorts that I actually had the balls (metaphorically speaking) to ask my psychologist if it was ok to like this sort of stuff!!! And I told them about the antis, liking stuff like incest art and stories, the whole just because you are ok with it in fiction doesn’t mean that you’re ok with it in real life, etc!!! And they agreed with me!!! Told me that I shouldn’t worry about it and that some people just take somethings to seriously!!!

So… Again sorry for venting, but I wanted to share my experience and opinion with you.

I also want to say that you and all the other artists and writers that are ok with pro shipping should keep producing your amazing content and ignore all those nasty antis!!! Cause you are amazing!!!

So please keep up the amazing work!!! And don’t let anyone get you down!!!

Thank you for the encouragement, i appreciate it! To be honest i’ve become so jaded over this topic in general that it’s nice to be reminded that there are people online who do in fact enjoy fandom more than starting slapfights lol (not scolding you for talking about it of course, feel free to vent!)

my own rant below the cut lol

I’ve found that a lot of fandoms with audiences who skew to the younger side tend to be the most combative, so it checks out that you’ve found the Trolls fandom to be like this. A stark example that i’ve seen is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fandom, specifically around the Rise of the TMNT series, which came out in….2018, i think? (i didn’t get into it til 2022 so idk) BUT fans have been shipping the brothers together in that fandom since the 80s and largely nobody bat an eye until Rise happened, and brought a lot of the younger crowd into it. NOW, suddenly it’s Too Far to ship characters that have been shipped since before most of the new fandom members were born 💀

a lot of these younger fans had the misfortune of coming into fandom around the same time that a lot of TERFs and other conservative types were getting REALLY vocal on here around 2015-2018; of course, they grow up into really conservative types who spread the same nonsensical rhetoric to those younger than them, and so on and so forth.

i cannot emphasize enough that NO fandoms were like this (on a wide scale) pre-2015. this is coming from my perspective as someone who had VERY vanilla tastes for most of my fandom career…the fact that the term proship even exists is a testament to how much fandom has changed; proship is a term that popped up as a reaction to people using Anti Shipper as a way to tout their fandom activism (derogatory) & purity politics.

(being Neutral, btw, means basically nothing afaik because being Proship means that you mind your business, and people who are neutral just say that they mind their business and want nothing to do with the entire argument. Antis call them pros and pros also call them pros so idk how it’s even useful as a label 🤷‍♀️)

ALSO I FEEL THAT SELF DOUBT!! talking to your therapist was a good idea though, it’s good to get a reality check when you need it, haha. I had a moment several years back where i was questioning why i, as an adult, was into a fandom whose target audience was teenagers, before i realized that it’s not that deep and you can do what you want forever lmao

I would love nothing more than to dismiss the entire pro vs anti argument if i’m honest, but i can’t ignore the real life abuse that comes from it. I understand why you’d be afraid to be public with your opinions; especially on a garbage website like twitter, where reporting accounts only ever seems to work for the wrong people 🫠

The best way to do fandom has always been and continues to be to find your group of friends and be insane with them. (AND TO BLOCK LIBERALLY!) I hope you can find some people to chill with 🫂

[writing-for-life]

@parasocialite, I’m also tagging @violetoftheendless in this because she chimed in on this earlier, and I am spinning trying reply to everyone.

I can only speak for myself, but it is a bit like what I already wrote somewhere else, and what @orionsangel86 also brushed upon:

The fun side of fandom and the deeper contemplation/analysis of works/characters are seemingly often presented as mutually exclusive, when (at least to me), they are two sides to the same coin. I often think, wrong as I may be, that problems seem to arise if we are very deeply anchored in just one of those sides and see the other as either less than, or an attack on what we hold dear?

So for me, deeper analytical engagement is far from bringing me no joy. Actually the opposite, even if I discover things that are maybe not just “fun”, but point towards deeper issues. And just looking at silly gifs or amazing fan-art without thinking about it too deeply also brings me joy. Again, they aren’t mutually exclusive.

What doesn’t bring me joy are the things I mentioned (personal attacks, directly or indirectly trying to silence people etc), and I tend to step away for a bit if I think that's beginning to take over (as I said, no fandom is worth losing mental well-being over). However, if everyone just constantly stepped away from problematic behaviours without ever saying anything, the fandom will also become poorer for it, plus it skews the view on "what's consensus". The loudest group isn't necessarily the one who always gets it right (or wrong, for that matter). It's simply the loudest group.

I don't so much have a problem with characters/characterisation. I can look at Hob, see him as canonically problematic and talk about it, but that doesn't mean that I have a problem with people who like Hob or ship Dreamling. There are people in the fandom, however, who perceive criticism of Hob as criticism of them, and that *is* problematic. In the same way, I don’t have problem with anyone who doesn’t go into a raging fit about Thessaly and can just see her as a character (which seems to be a far bigger issue for the fandom tbh). @violetoftheendless mentioned the meta I wrote about it, and it ultimately boils down to what I also wrote under 2) in this post: We have to be able to separate characterisation from personal endorsement of what characters do. Accepting Thessaly as an inherent part of the story doesn’t make anyone transphobic, nor does accepting Hob as an inherent part of the story make anyone racist:

It is how we engage with the deeper questions that these characters present us with that’s far more telling. Thessaly goes against the self-image that much of the fandom likes to perpetuate (“the queer academic”, and I’m one myself, so this isn’t a slight), so transphobia always creates immediate outrage. Why doesn’t Hob’s racism cause the same outrage? Yes, perhaps it helps (or is it convenient?) that Hob as one half of the typical fandom M/M ship regrets, and that makes him “more okay” than the murderous witch who doesn’t. But does it really? Because at the end of the day, they’re both just characters, aren’t they? They’re both written to hammer a certain point home. I think you can tell where I’m going with this…

What is the goal? I don’t know, I can only say what’s important to me. Mutual respect, thinking/breathing before hitting “send”, accepting that not everyone shares our views, that people are in fandom for different reasons and they’re all okay, understanding that not every critical thought about our favourite characters or works is a personal attack, and that critical discourse can ultimately foster growth and not stagnation, would be good starting points? Because that way, fandom can be fun for *everyone*, no matter how they personally approach it I guess?

Nuance in (The Sandman) Fandom

I thought a lot over the past few days, partly prompted by discourse on here, partly due to a couple of “interesting” asks and messages I received (the type you don’t answer). I *think* they might have been prompted by engaging in discourse on topics like anti-blackness/racism, misogyny/sexism, TERF characters etc in The Sandman.

Fandoms are always getting super sensitive if someone shines a critical lens on their favourite works, authors and characters. So to make this clear (in case it isn’t already obvious from my brain-rot blog):

I love The Sandman. I love Neil Gaiman. I have an extremely soft spot for Dream (and Desire btw, who deserves a lot more character analysis than just being summed up as “villainous, sexy bitch”. One day, perhaps ;)).

I can read The Sandman and just get lost in the story, even after decades and many rereads. 

But I can also view it through a critical lens—these things aren’t mutually exclusive.

Not critical enough or too critical?

As fans, we can get trapped in certain thinking patterns, like:

“My blorbo can do no wrong”-syndrome 

“Characters with flaws are inherently problematic and imply authorial endorsement of those actions” 

“Characterisation and problematic subtext are one and the same” (aka overanalysing and looking for problems where there are none is the death of every story, but failing to see problematic patterns where they are clearly visible is a problem, too).

Don't say anything bad about my favourite character

I think this doesn’t need much further exploration. It’s not my personal way of looking at stories through permanently rose-tinted glasses (I always feel it stalls my experience, but my experience is not everyone else's). Some people prefer that type of escapism, and I’m good with that (although the downside is of course that by not willing to engage with issues, we can unwillingly perpetuate them). Live and let live, ship and let sail. But please, for the love of god: Don’t insult people via their inboxes or messages just because their opinions and preferences don’t align with yours. I’m not going to sugarcoat it or phrase it “nicely”: It’s infantile (and a form of bullying btw), end of.

How can you even like a character who's so horrible? And that author must be equally horrible, too

We have to separate flawed characters, even those who are written to be really problematic, from real-life endorsement of these actions. 

Author, narrator and character are three fundamentally different things, and don’t overlap as much as some people seem to think. 

We can write vile, despicable characters to make a point (for me, Thessaly was always a prime example for this, and I explained why here). We probably hate them as we write them. I don’t know what else to say, but this facet of writing seems to get more and more lost on people, and it’s a worry. Crying for sanitised characterisation is one step away from censorship. We explore what is problematic about people and humanity through story. That’s how we process and learn. It’s nothing new, but it becomes impossible if we can’t write flawed and even disgusting characters. 

Face value…

Since I’m mostly in The Sandman fandom, I often read that its ending is hopeless, and that’s supposedly the entire message. 

It is agonisingly sad, yes. But is it truly hopeless? I personally see it as quite the opposite, but of course that’s my opinion, coloured by my life experiences.

I also get that show-only fans often haven’t read the comics, or at least not the whole arc. And as such, their outlook from what they’ve seen so far (and choose to focus on) has to be different by default. I also understand that many people are quite new to the comics, even if they have read them in their entirety. I’ve sat with them for 30 years, and I still find new things on every reread (and I read it more times than anyone should 🙈), and I still don’t feel like I’ve understood it all. Perhaps because I still haven’t fully understood myself (and it’s unlikely I ever will). If there’s one thing The Sandman isn’t, it’s one-dimensional and easy to grasp in its whole depth.

I just wrote a ginormous meta on it, if you’re interested, it’s here:

Subtext, (not so) glorious subtext

This is where it gets complicated:

We shouldn’t mix up characterisation and story subtext. Overanalysing every line to death will always make us find something that’s “problematic”, when it really isn’t in the wider context of the story.

Zooming in is NOT always a good thing. Sometimes, we actually need to zoom out. 

But subtext *can be* (accidentally) problematic. Even in stories we love. And none of this negates what I previously wrote.

Stories have real-life implications of sorts, and we need to be able to talk about it. That’s where those slightly flabbergasting, hostile inbox messages come in, and I want to expand on that "topic of contention" a bit:

Neil himself confirmed that the Endless basically warp reality, and that this is why, after Dream’s failed relationship with Nada, many black women in his vicinity suffer terrible fates (Ruby and Carla in particular). And that this spell is only broken when he dies, and that it is the reason why Gwen doesn’t suffer the same fate. And said Gwen then gets used as a plot device to basically absolve Hob (who canonically really is a problematic character, whether show-only fans like it or not) from his slaver past. Once again, very clearly: No one is making this up. Neil confirmed it (for the comics, and that was over 20 years ago. It remains to be seen if his stance has changed as we move into that arc in the TV show).

I don't think it is correct to imply that Dream as a character is racist (I've read that, too) because he logically can’t be. He holds *all* the collective unconscious. He is also, strictly speaking, not white. He is everything and nothing, and he shows up in many different ethnicities throughout the whole arc, depending on who looks at him. But Neil played with a subtext here (reality warping due to a bad relationship which then affects everyone with similar physical traits) that will read very differently to a black person than it reads to a white person, and we have to understand why that is an *extremely* slippery slope.

Plus, we are supposed to see Hob, who *was* a racist at some point (you can’t not be if you’re a slave-trader—it’s impossible by default) as redeemed. And yes, he *does* regret deeply, good for him (and if I were saying this aloud, you would hear the sarcasm in my voice, because it is indeed all about him. We are to sympathise/empathise with him and his character growth while there isn’t much mention of the people he maltreated). But also: it was a black woman who basically forgave him (with dialogue that personally makes me cringe). And that black woman who offers forgiveness is not truly a black woman—she is a character written by a white man. And as much as author and character are not the same (see above), there is an inherent sensitivity in that power imbalance that we can't brush under the carpet.

I don’t think Neil is racist. Probably quite the opposite, and I can even see that his intentions were good from a storytelling point of view. BUT intention and impact are two fundamentally different things, and telling the story this way (comic version) betrays blindspots only white people have. Just like women have blindspots when they tell stories about men, and men have blindspots when they tell stories about women (and there are a few of those in The Sandman, too). And and and…

As storytellers, we can’t always speak from lived experience. It’s impossible. And that also means we occasionally make mistakes that look bad in hindsight, even if our intentions were good.

I guess the proof is in the pudding: What do we do when people who *have* that lived experience tell us it looks bad? If they inform us why it is hurtful, plays into old stereotypes etc?

Are we willing to listen and yield (both are the foundations of allyship btw), or are we insisting that our viewpoint as someone *without* lived experience is right? That lived experience extends to all lived experiences (sex/gender, sexual orientation, age...), and from all we’ve heard from Neil so far, it seems important to him to rewrite what he sees differently today. Whether they’ll always get it right for the show—we’ll see. At the moment, it looks a lot better than in the comics, and certain issues are already being handled with a lot more sensitivity, but a few problems remain.

Pushing back on criticism that comes from people with lived experience is problematic—I’d encourage us to think about what it looks like if a white majority in the fandom is basically saying that the opinions of POC are essentially “overreactions” (and yes, that happened).

It’s complicated. The Sandman was written in a different time, and I think we have to distinguish between things that weren’t really problematic at the time but have aged poorly (again, Thessaly springs to mind, and I have lived experience as a queer person during that time, so I can see it in context while at the same time acknowledging that I would make changes to bring it to the present day), and things that were always a problem due to blindspots. They were a problem in 1990, and if they don’t get changed, they are still a problem today.

This fandom is generally so much more open and nicer than others I know. But that doesn’t mean it’s infallible, because it’s full of humans. 

Nuance is sorely needed, in both story interpretation and interaction between said humans.

(tagging @violetoftheendless )

[mishafletcher]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

So I got this ask a while ago, and I've been lowkey thinking about it ever since.

First: No. I am a queer, cranky dyke who is too old for this sort of bullshit gatekeeping. 

Second: What an unbelievable question to ask someone you don't even know! What an incomprehensibly rude thing to ask, as if you're somehow owed information about my sexual history. You're not! No one—and I can't reiterate this enough, but no one—owes you the details of their sex lives, of their trauma, or of anything about themselves that they don't feel like sharing with you.

The clickbait mills of the internet and the purity police of social media would like nothing more than to convince everyone that you owe these things to everyone. They would like you to believe that you have to prove that you're traumatized enough to identify with this character, that you can't sell this article about campus rape without relating it to your own sexual assault, that you can't talk about queer issues without offering up a comprehensive history of your own experiences, and none of those things are true. You owe people, and especially random strangers on the internet, nothing, least of all citations to somehow prove to them that you have the right to talk about your own life.

This makes some people uncomfortable, and to be clear, I think that that's good: people who feel entitled to demand this information should be uncomfortable. Refusing to justify yourself takes power away from people who would very much like to have it, people who would like to gatekeep and dictate who is permitted to speak about what topics or like what things. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to explain that you like this ship because this one character reminds you a bit of yourself because you were traumatized in a vaguely similar way and now— You don't have to justify your queerness by telling people about the best friend you had when you were twelve, and how you kissed, and she laughed and said it was good practice for when she would kiss boys and your stomach twisted and your mouth tasted like bile and she was the first and last girl you kissed, but— 

You don't owe anyone these pieces of yourself. They're yours, and you can share them or not, but if someone demands that you share, they're probably not someone you should trust.

Third: The idea of gold star lesbians is a profoundly bi- and trans- phobic idea, often reducing gender to genitals and the long, shared history of queer women of all identities to a stark, artificial divide where some identities are seen as purer or more valuable than others. This is bullshit on all counts.

There's a weird and largely artificial division between bisexuals and lesbians that seems to be intensifying on tumblr, and I have to say: I hate it. Bisexual women aren't failed lesbians. They're not somehow less good or less valid because they're attracted to [checks notes] people. Do you think that having sex with a man somehow changes them? What are you so worried about it for? I've checked, and having sex with a man does not, in fact, make your vagina grow teeth or tentacles. Does that make you feel better? Why is what other people are doing so threatening to you?

Discussions of gold star lesbians are often filled with tittering about hehe penises, which is unfortunate, since I know a fair few lesbians who have penises, and even more lesbians who've had sex with people, men and women alike, who have penises. I'm sorry to report that "I'm disgusted by a standard-issue human body part" is neither a personality nor anything to be proud of. I'm a dyke and I don't especially like men, but dicks are just dicks. You don't have to be interested in them, but a lot of people have them, and it doesn't make you less of a lesbian to have sex with someone who has a dick.

There's so much garbage happening in the world—maybe you haven't noticed, but things are kind of Not Great in a lot of places, and there's a whole pandemic thing that's been sort of a major buzzkill? How is this something that you're worried about? Make a tea, remind yourself that other people's genitalia and sexual history are none of your business, maybe go watch a video about a cute animal or something. 

Fourth: The idea of gold star lesbians is a shitty premise that argues that sexuality is better if it's always been clear-cut and straightforward—but it rarely is. We live in a very, very heterosexist culture. I didn’t have a word for lesbian until many years after I knew that I was one. How can you say that you are something when your mouth can’t even make the shape of it? The person you are at 24 is different to the person you are at 14, and 34, and 74. You change. You get braver. The world gets wider. You learn to see possibilities in the shadows you used to overlook. Of course people learn more about themselves as they age.

Also, many of us, especially those of us who grew up in smaller towns, or who are over the age of, say, 25, grew up in times and places where our sexuality was literally criminal.

Shortly after I graduated high school, a gay man in my state was sentenced to six months in jail. Why? Well, he’d hit on someone, and it was a misdemeanor to "solicit homosexual or lesbian activity", which included expressing romantic or sexual interest in someone who didn’t reciprocate. You might think, then, that I am in fact quite old, but you would be mistaken. The conviction was in 1999; it was overturned in 2002.

I grew up knowing this: the wrong thing said to the wrong person would be sufficient reason to charge me with a crime.

In the United States, the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, clarifying that according to the federal government, marriage could only ever be between one man and one woman. It also promised that even if a state were to legalize same-sex unions, other states wouldn't have to recognize them if they didn't want to. And wow, they super did not want to, because between 1998 and 2012, a whopping thirty states had approved some sort of amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Every queer person who's older than about 25 watched this, knowing that this was aimed at people like them. Knowing that these votes were cast by their friends and their families and their teachers and their employers. 

Some states were worse than others. Ohio passed their bill in 2004 with 62% approval. Mississippi passed theirs the same year with 86% approval. Imagine sitting in a classroom, or at work, or in a church, or at a family dinner, and knowing that statistically, at least two out of every three people in that room felt you shouldn't be allowed to marry someone you loved.

Matthew Shepard was tortured to death in October of 1998. For being gay, for (maybe) hitting on one of the men who had planned to merely rob him. Instead, he was tortured and left to die, tied to a barbed wire fence. His murderers were both sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison. This was controversial, because a nonzero number of people felt that Shepard had brought it upon himself.

Many of us sat at dinner tables and listened to this discussion, one that told us, over and over, that we were fundamentally wrong, fundamentally undeserving of love or sympathy or of life itself.

This is a tiny, tiny sliver of history—a staggeringly incomplete overview of what happened in the US over about ten years. Even if this tiny sliver is all that there were, looking at this, how could you blame someone for wanting to try being not Like This? How can you fault someone who had sex, maybe even had a bunch of sex, hoping desperately that maybe they could be normal enough to be loved if they just tried harder? How can you say that someone who found themself an uninteresting but inoffensive boyfriend and went on dates and had sex and said that it was fine is somehow less valuable or less queer or less of a lesbian for doing so? For many people, even now, passing as straight, as problematic as that term is, is a survival skill. How dare you imply that the things that someone did to protect themself make them worth less? They survived, and that's worth literally everything.

Fifth, finally: What is a gold star, anyhow? You've capitalized it, like it's Weighty and Important, but it's not. Gold stars were what your most generous grade school teacher put on spelling tests that you did really well on. But ultimately, gold stars are just shiny scraps of paper. They don't have any inherent value: I can buy a thousand of them for five bucks and have them at my door tomorrow. They have only the meaning that we give them, only the importance that we give them. We’re not children desperately scrabbling for a teacher’s approval anymore, though. We understand that good and bad are more of a spectrum than a binary, and that a gold star is a simplification. We understand that no number of gold stars will make us feel like we’re special enough or good enough or important enough, or fix the broken places we can still feel inside ourselves. Only we can do that.

The stars are only shiny scraps of paper. They offer us nothing; we don’t need them. I hope that someday, you see that, too.