#I’ll tag it as that just in case though
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chancloud8 · 2 days ago
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CHAPTER 1
series masterlist
Pairing: OT8 x reader
Word Count: 3,9k
Tags: Intro, bodyguard!ot8, idol!reader
Summery: Meeting your new bodyguards doesn't go as smoothly as everyone hoped..
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‘I don’t need a group of bodyguards,’ you repeat for what feels like the hundredth time. 
Your manager Yoona doesn’t even look at you anymore and you fight the urge to stamp your feet like a little child to get her attention. You won’t stoop that low though, so instead you place your hands on your hips and glare at the woman who’s been by your side since you debuted about two years ago. 
‘We’re not having this discussion again, y/n,’ Yoona says, her eyes still fixed on her phone screen. ‘Your popularity is growing by the day, you’ve received multiple death threats in the last few months and in case you forgot, last week someone tried to break into your home.’ 
Your shoulders deflate and your hands fall down beside your body. You can’t really argue with that, but you’ve grown so accustomed to having Faris at your side as your one and only bodyguard, that the thought of eight men taking his place makes you shiver. Who the hell needed eight freaking bodyguards? You weren’t a princess for fuck’s sake. 
Yoona finally looks at you then. ‘It’s very important to us to keep you safe, darling. I know it will be an adjustment, but you’ll get used to it.’ 
‘But eight?’ you argue, trying once more. ‘Do I really need eight men following my every move?’ 
‘That’s why we’re placing some of them around you with other jobs as well, kind of like undercover bodyguards,’ Yoona smiles at you like that makes it any better. 
You slump down in the chair across from Yoona and frown at her. What could bodyguards possibly go undercover as in your team? Woman, sure, no problem, but a muscled man? They’d stand out immediately. 
‘What do you mean?’ you ask carefully, not sure if you even want to know. 
‘They all have multiple skill sets, but we decided on adding three of them as your dancers and one will probably step in as a personal assistant of sorts,’ Yoona explains, her eyes once more on her phone screen. 
‘Why?’ you blurt out. ‘I don’t even need new dancers? We’re not firing anyone are we?’ 
You were perfectly happy with your team as it was and it would kill you to let any of them go because Yoona decided you needed eight freaking men to watch you. 
Yoona sighed and put down her phone. ‘We’re not firing anyone, but Dohyun is still recovering from his injury and Ju-won has asked for a few months off to visit his family. As for why, it will allow them to be around you more casually.’ 
Damnit. That actually made sense. 
‘And you’re sure they can dance?’ you ask, already knowing the answer. Yoona would never suggest something like this if they couldn’t. 
‘Yes, y/n, they can dance. I think you’ll be impressed actually.’ 
That makes you curious. Yoona isn’t easily impressed, so if she thinks you’ll approve, they must be good. Maybe you should give them a chance, or just be such a brat they run away screaming. 
‘Fine,’ you sigh. ‘When will I meet them?’ 
Yoona looks at her watch and your eyes widen at the movement. She wouldn’t do this to you, would she? 
‘They’ll be here in an hour to meet you,’ Yoona says and you let out a relieved breath. ‘You better be back here by then or I will let one of them drag you here by your ear.’ 
‘Bossy much,’ you whisper, but you don’t really mean it. You luckily have a very good relationship with your manager and even though she drives you up a wall sometimes, you know she has your best interest at heart. 
Yoona rolls her eyes at you and waves her hand at the door. ‘Go be bratty somewhere else, I’ll see you in an hour.’ 
You bark out a laugh and jump up from the chair. ‘As you wish, my Queen,’ you say, doing a little courtesy. 
Your current bodyguard Faris is waiting for you in the hallway, a smile on his handsome face as he spots you. 
‘Good talk?’ he asks, following one step behind you. 
‘You knew about this, didn’t you?’ you ask, glaring at him over your shoulder. 
‘I’m the one who recommended them actually,’ Faris says and only his quick reflexes stop him from walking straight into your back as you stop walking immediately at his words. 
‘What?’ you turn around to frown at him. ‘Why would you do that to me?’ 
Faris raises his eyebrows and stares down at you with a knowing look, his arms crossing over his chest. 
‘Fine,’ you roll your eyes at him. ‘I know why, Yoona was so kind to remind me, but I still don’t get why it has to be eight.’ 
‘It might seem excessive to you Nabi,’ Faris says, addressing you with your stage name which he knows usually softens you. ‘But you don’t see all that we see and trust me when I say that once you’re on tour, you’ll be happy to have them by your side. It gets crazy out there.’ 
‘I know that, but undercover bodyguards?’ you make a face. ‘I’m not royalty.’ 
Faris chuckles and with a gentle push on your shoulder, he guides you further through the hallway and towards the studio you were working at before Yoona called you to her office. It was one of the things you really liked about your agency. Nearly everything you needed was in the same building. 
‘You may as well be and I trust Chan and his guys to keep you safe,’ Faris says as he holds a door open for you. 
‘So you really know them?’ you ask, sitting down at the desk you were working at before. Your laptop is still open on the editing program you work with and there are multiple notebooks, paper coffee cups and empty candy wrappers spread all around it. ‘Did you work with them before?’ 
‘I trained 3RACHA actually,’ Faris nods. ‘Chan and I had multiple gigs together after that and I’ve only heard good things about the others as well. I’m confident I’m leaving you in good hands.’ 
‘You shouldn’t be leaving me at all,’ you groan, throwing your head back against your chair. ‘But I understand and I hope that when I have a husband one day, he'll do the same for me.’ 
Faris just smiles at that and gets comfortable on the couch facing the door. He knows better than to get into this conversation with you again. Last time you ended up facetiming his wife in tears and he ended up having to calm down two crying women. 
‘Wait, did you just say sriracha?’ you sit up in your chair when your brain suddenly realizes what he had just said. ‘As in the hot sauce?’
‘No, I said 3RACHA, that’s what they called themselves back then,’ Faris replies, glancing at you. ‘I think they made music together in their free time, before they started their own company.’ 
Huh. Interesting. Why on earth would they go from making music together to becoming bodyguards? 
‘So all eight of them made music together?’ you ask curiously. 
‘No, just Chan, Jisung and Changbin. I think they mostly rapped, but if you’re interested in knowing more, you can always ask. It could break the ice when you meet them,’ Faris suggests, winking at you. 
‘I’ll pass, I don’t want them to think I’m happy about this arrangement,’ you murmur, turning your chair so your back is to Faris. ‘Will you tell me when it’s time to go?’ 
‘Don’t I always?’ he chuckles. 
You flip him off without looking and put on your headphones. Time to edit some more music. 
****
You’re so engrossed in your music, that it takes Faris multiple tries to get you to put down your headphones. He even goes as far as opening the blinds to let the light in, making you whimper and flinch by the intrusion of it. 
‘Alright, alright,’ you yell, your eyes scrunched close. ‘I beg for mercy, I’ll come with you.’ 
Faris laughs and closes the blinds, once again developing the room in darkness, just how you like it. He has scolded you many times before about how bad it is for your eyes to squint at your screen in a dark room, but you rarely listen to him about it. 
‘If you think about telling my new watch dogs this trick of yours, I’ll haunt you,’ you warn Faris when the two of you walk towards Yoona’s office. 
Faris makes a movement with his hands as if he’s zipping his lips closed and you nod happily at him, trusting him to keep his word. 
‘How late are we?’ you ask, having forgotten your phone in the studio when Faris basically dragged you out by your arm. 
‘About five minutes too early,’ he smiles proudly. 
Of fucking course. He’s been working with you for two years so he knows all your annoying traits by now, including having a habit of being late because you simply forget the time when you’re working. 
‘What will I do without you,’ you pout at him, ignoring the nervous butterflies in your stomach as you near Yoona’s office. 
‘You’ll be just fine, Nabi,’ Faris says and you’re not sure if he means it as a reply to what you just said or as a reassurance before meeting your new team of bodyguards. 
Taking a deep breath, you turn towards Faris. ‘How do I look?’ 
‘I thought you didn’t care?’ he grins, but he reaches out to flatten a few wild strands of your hair. 
You blow him a kiss, put on a straight face and turn around to knock on the door before pushing it open. The first thing you’re greeted with is the silhouette of 4 men standing with their back to you. Each of them have broad muscular shoulders that are clearly visible under the black suit jacket they’re wearing, the fabric straining like they’re wearing a size too small. 
The man on the right turns around when you enter and you nearly gasp at his beauty. His hair is styled to show a little v of his forehead and the black strands nearly reach his eyes. Jesus. He could be a model if he wanted too. He raises his eyebrows at you when you just stare at him for a moment, before he nudges the man next to him. 
‘Are you fucking kidding me,’ you mutter under your breathe when the other man turns around and piercing eyes meet yours. 
Of course he’s beautiful as well. What the hell was Yoona thinking? 
‘Ah, Y/N, there you are,’ Yoona says when she notices you. ‘On time, even.’ 
You roll your eyes and stroll forward to her desk, ignoring the four men as you make your way around them. In that little moment you forget there’s supposed to be more of them and when you turn to stand next to Yoona and see the chairs in front of her desk filled with four more gorgeous men, you nearly stumble. 
Yoona grins at you and you narrow your eyes at the woman. 
‘You think this is funny, don’t you?’ you grumble at her. ‘Where did you even find them? heaven?’ 
One of the men snorts before trying to cover it up with a cough. 
‘Don’t mind her gentleman, she’s in a mood today,’ Yoona smiles. 
‘I wonder why,’ you mutter, sending a fake smile in the direction of the bodyguards. 
‘That’s alright, it must be a lot to take in,’ one of them says with such a deep voice that your eyes widen. 
It must look comical, cause the same man that snorted earlier, lets out a giggle. ‘Don’t worry, Miss, it’s how everyone reacts to first hearing Felix’s voice,’ 
You want to focus on him calling you Miss, but the urge to see which face belongs to the deep voice is stronger.
‘Who’s Felix?’ you ask, your eyes searching the men in front of you. 
‘I am,’ the only blonde man of the group says, lifting his hand to show you where he is. He’s absolutely stunning with freckles sprinkled over his nose and cheeks. 
‘Holy shit, is that your real voice?’ you ask without thinking, slapping your hand in front of your mouth as soon as the words come out. 
He laughs and a few of the other men chuckle as well. 
‘It is, sometimes it gets even deeper,’ he says. 
‘Yeah, Lix actually has like three different voices,’ the man who called you Miss grins. 
It’s getting annoying not to know his name, but you don’t want to ask and seem interested. Luckily one of the men at the back seems to read your mind somehow. 
‘Why don’t we all introduce ourselves, my name is Bang Chan, but you can call me Chan. I’m the leader and head of your security team as of now. So if you experience any problems with our service in any way, I’m the one you can come to.’ 
‘Noted,’ you mumble, ignoring Yoona’s glare at your rudeness. 
So that’s Chan. Faris forgot to mention how beautiful his trainee was and you were so going to punch his arm for that later. 
‘I’m Lee Minho,’ the one with the piercing stare says. ‘I’ll be joining your dance team.’ 
Fuck. Of course he is. 
‘So will I,’ Felix smiles. ‘Lee Felix.’
‘And me, Hwang Hyunjin,’ the man closest to you winks. 
Great. They were absolutely going to kill you. In more ways than one. 
Biting your lip you wait for the last four to introduce themselves and pray to all the gods that Miss guy is going to be your assistant. He already feels like the most easy going out of all eight and if you need to work with one of them closely, you’d rather it be him than anyone else. 
‘Kim Seungmin, I’ll be one of your bodyguards’ the one who noticed you first says, his eyes flicking up and down your body as if he’s calculating how much of a flight risk you are. 
Oh just you wait and see buddy. 
‘I’m Yang Jeongin, but you can call me Innie or Ayen,’ the very cute man in front of Seungmin smiles and you nearly smile back at him. 
Finally the man you’ve been waiting for speaks up. ‘I’m Han Jisung, your new assistant.’ 
You cheer in your head, keeping a straight face as you look at the last man. He’s definitely the most buff of them all, his biceps really testing the fabric of his suit jacket. 
‘And I’m Seo Changbin, also part of your daily bodyguard squad.’ 
‘You’re all way too beautiful to be bodyguards,’ you say, crossing your arms with a frown while tapping your foot on the ground. 
Yoona makes a noise beside you and you don’t dare to look at her. She’ll definitely lecture you later, but this is all on her anyways. 
‘Worried your fans will fawn over us?’ Jisung jokes, winking at you. 
Your lips tip up in a tiny smile, but you quickly straighten your face. It was going to be hard to be a brat to them, but you were nothing if you weren’t stubborn. You’re not going to just warm up to them because they were hot and funny. Nope. Not going to happen. 
‘More like you’d be too busy worrying about your good looks to protect me,’ you say, raising your eyebrows at them. 
‘Aren’t you a ray of sunshine,’ Minho grumbles, placing his hand on Jisung’s shoulder as if to comfort him. ‘You won’t have to worry about that, looking this good doesn’t cost us much.’
You open your mouth to reply, but Yoona gets up and goes to stand next to you. 
‘That’s enough Y/N,’ she hisses before smiling her million dollar smile to the men. ‘As you can see Y/N hasn’t really warmed up to the idea of having this many eyes on her all the time.’ 
‘Don’t you have that all the time though,’ Seungmin says directly to you. 
You glare at him. ‘That’s not the same. 
He just shrugs. ‘We don’t want anything from you like your fans or stalkers. We’re not here to be your friends, we’re just here to keep you safe. That’s all that should matter.’ 
His words hit you harder than they should and you can’t help but flinch. The idol life isn't great for maintaining friendships and since you weren’t in a group, the only people you really had around you to talk to were your bodyguard Faris, Yoona and your dancers. You didn’t have a best friend, or even really friends in general, not since high school ended. 
‘Min!’ Chan calls out, glaring at the man. 
You square your shoulders and tilt your head, putting another fake smile on your face. ‘It’s fine, he’s right isn’t he.’ 
‘No, he’s not,’ Chan shakes his head. ‘Listen-’ 
‘It’s fine,’ you repeat, interrupting him. ‘How about I’ll show Jisung his office and we can go over the schedule for next week?’ 
Chan frowns down at you, sharing a look with Jisung and Yoona, but then he nods. You give him a nod back in thanks and without looking at any of the other guys you make a beeline for the door, hoping Jisung will follow you. 
‘Well, that went great,’ you hear someone say before you step outside. 
Faris frowns when he sees the look on your face, but he doesn’t say anything and falls into step behind you like he always does. It’s one of the things you love about him, he always knows when to not ask questions. You can hear him and Jisung quietly talking behind you, but you don’t mind, they know each other after all. 
‘Well, here we are,’ you say, opening the door of the small office area next to the studio you usually work at. ‘You can arrange everything how you like and if you need anything you can ask Yoona.’ 
‘I wasn’t expecting an office,’ Jisung smiles at you, stepping inside the room to take a look. 
It’s not much. Just a desk with a comfortable chair and a computer, a two person couch and in the corner there’s a bookcase that so far only houses a cactus, your first three albums and a box with documents your last assistant left behind. 
‘Of course you get an office, can’t have you shacking up with me in the studio,’ you say, trying to joke with him. 
‘Hey, about what Seungmin said,’ Jisung starts, sitting down in his desk chair and twirling around. ‘He’s just very serious about his job, he didn’t really mean the part about us not being your friends.’ 
‘It’s fine,’ you shrug. ‘You’re not really meant to be my friends anyways, you’re hired to protect me.’ 
‘Yeah, you don’t look too happy about that. Why is that?’ Jisung asks and he sounds genuinely curious. ‘I mean, sure we’re a whole lot, but isn’t it nice to know you’ll be safe?’ 
‘Safe? Yes. Watched by eight, I repeat, eight men? No thank you, I don’t need that.’ 
Jisung tilts his head and purses his lips in thought, like he’s actually trying to see this from your side. ‘I get it, I do, I’ve lived with most of them for the last few years and like I said, we can be a lot.’ 
‘But?’ you ask, falling down on the couch in front of Jisung’s new desk. ‘I feel there’s a but there.’ 
‘You really have no idea, do you?’ Jisung leans his chin on his palm as he looks at you. ‘We’ve seen the threats Y/N, we’ve seen the video’s of handsy fans, we’ve seen the footage of that dude trying to break into your house. It’s a miracle really that nothing has happened to you so far with only Faris by your side.’ 
‘He’s right, Nabi,’ Faris says from his spot by the door. 
‘Okay, maybe more than one bodyguard would be better,’ you say slowly. ‘But eight? I still think it’s a bit much, especially the undercover bit.’ 
Jisung shrugs and leans back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. ‘Maybe so, but at least you’ll know you will be safe.’ 
‘I guess,’ you mumble. 
‘Wanna go over the schedule for next week with me?’ Jisung asks. ‘Get your mind off all this for a bit?’ 
You jump up from the couch immediately and walk around the desk to stand next to him while he starts up the computer. 
****
About half an hour later you’re fairly confident Jisung will make a good assistant. He’s written down your interviews and gigs for the coming month and made a list of all the things he wanted to take care of before that. It was cute how he wanted to do it right. 
‘Knock, knock,’ a voice called out from the door and when you looked up you saw Chan and Changbin hugging Faris. 
‘How’s it going here?’ Chan smiles at you as he walks inside, his hands in his pocket. He probably tried to come off less intimidating like that, but it didn’t really work. 
‘Fine,’ you say, looking at the computer screen again. 
If you kept your eyes on him you’d probably drool all over your favorite studio outfit. That man was way too fine. 
‘It’s going great, Channie,’ Jisung says. ‘We’ve been getting along perfectly without the ice kings here.’ 
‘Don’t let them hear you call them that,’ Chan chuckles, moving to sit on the couch. ‘I hope we’ll be able to make this work, Y/N. I take great pride in my work and I’ll do anything I can to make you feel comfortable around us.’ 
Ugh. Why did he have to be so kind too? 
‘Thank you,’ you mutter, your eyes still on the screen. 
‘We’ll promise not to impose your privacy too much when we move in, but–’ 
Your head snaps up to look at him then and from the corner of your eyes you notice Jisung covering his face with his hands. 
‘What did you just say?’ you ask, standing up. ‘Please tell me I didn’t just hear you say the words moving in?’ 
‘Uhm,’ Chan tilts his head in confusion. ‘I thought you knew?’ 
‘Knew. What?’ you growl, your fingers balling up in fists. 
‘Oh boy,’ Jisung whispers and you turn to glare at him. 
‘You knew about this?’ 
‘Uhm, we all did? And we figured so would you,’ he shrugs, looking at you with big innocent eyes. 
You close your eyes, not at all immune to those brown doe eyes. If you keep looking at him you will stop being angry and you can’t do that. Not now. 
‘If somebody doesn’t tell me very soon what exactly this thing I’m supposed to know is, I will scream,’ you clench your jaw and take a shaky breath. 
This can’t be happening. They are not moving into your house with you. Yoona won’t do that to you, not after your talk this morning. Right? You close your eyes in frustration, already knowing the answer to your own question. She will. 
‘Such a drama queen,’ a new voice speaks up from the door and when you turn your head, already seeing red, you see Minho smirking at you. 
Changbin and Faris look concerned and when you look back at Chan, he actually looks like he’s pitying you. Fuck. 
‘Just say it already.’
‘Well, we’re supposed to move into your new house with you,’ Chan says, confirming it. 
Oh hell no. 
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a/n: eeeeeeekkk I'm so excited for this series you have no idea!! I wasn't going to upload till tomorrow, but @staylovesmiley made me flip a coin and here I am at midnight, feeding you the first chapter.
Please let me know your thoughts <3
taglist: @jaeminie-cricket @jeonginsbaee @staylovesmiley @newbbystay @cashtonsbetch @mariahxrrera @kaleigh-2002 @silencionyx @smileykiddie08 @my-neurodivergent-world @yaorzu-blog @yoongiismylove2018 @staytinyluv @bookswillfindyouaway @queen-thiccness @notastraykid @ateez-atiny380 @estella-novella @furfoxsake22 @hyunjinhoexxx @insomnjen @hannahisnotblue @vivilovesuu @velvetmoonlght @skz8love @eastjonowhere @stellmeiv @bookishcaptain @flylis @deadpool15 @0325ale @thatgirlangelb @iknow-uknow-leeknow @nchhuhi @shycreationdreamland @readr1221 @beewilko
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khaleesiofalicante · 2 days ago
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Greetings,
Once again, I'm here with a mandatory post covering everything you need to know about my next fic, in this case, YBMF. I usually do this upfront to set expectations and answer some burning questions, so let’s dive in!
What's this fic about?
I’d say it’s kind of canon-divergent—it’s a different kind of shadow world with new geography and politics. Think of it like an alternate reality, like Thule, where the core of the characters and the shadow world stay the same, but their fates and storylines are totally different. The fic explores themes of separation—systematic, not just romantic (though maybe that too). I’m playing with similar ideas in my original book, so this feels like good practice!
Who are the main characters?
The story mainly revolves around Malec, but like TLND, it’s a story that has to be told through the four of them to really get the full picture. Everyone gets a POV, their own story arc, and their own journey in the fic. So, honestly, I’d say they’re all main characters.
What's the format?
We’re back to multiple POVs and timelines—yay! Each chapter has two POVs: one from a child and one from a parent. The first half of the story is split between past and present—Max and Rafael cover the present, while Alec and Magnus take us through the past. In the second half, all four of them come together in the present timeline.
Is it angsty?
I’d say so, yeah. It tackles some heavy topics, and as hinted, Malec aren’t together in this fic—so you can definitely expect some angst. I’d place it somewhere between TLND and LBAF in terms of angst levels. Of course, I’ll tag anything potentially triggering as we go, but as always, please prioritize your mental health and read at your own pace. PS - It's always a happy ending though :)
Is this book or show-based?
It’s book-based, especially since the world-building in this one is pretty heavy. I’m leaning on the books and their characters, but you’ll also see some Daniverse/LBAF OCs pop up. You don’t need to have read my other fics to follow this one—but it’s definitely more fun if you have, hehe.
Is it long?
Multiple POV stories tend to be long anyway, but honestly, I never know how long until I’m deep into the writing process. That said, this one is planned to have around 25 chapters (plus or minus 3), so it’s a little on the longer side.
What’s the writing schedule? When will you post?
The writing schedule for this fic is December - March. As usual, I plan to post twice a week (Tuesdays and Fridays - at night).
Okay, that's it. I'll see you on Tuesday with the first chapter! ❤️
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nevernonline · 2 days ago
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✧.* pancakes for dinner; svt smau
chapter 11; late night talking (written)
synopsis: y/n while in her third year at greenwood international university finally gets an opportunity to move off campus into a new complex, she has to deal with the realization that her childhood rival is her new next door neighbor.
 paring: seungcheol x fem! reader. 
feat: non-idol! svt,  other passing idols ykyk.
genre/s: reader is super oblivious, fluffy, sexual themes. 
content: swearing, mentions of sexual relations, some drinking& mary jane 🍃
updates: weekly
word count: 7.7k. (written part in-between two sets of texts)
tag list - open
masterlist ▸ 10. cute undies ▸ 12. boo’s big bash
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Finally exiting from the bathroom after her multiple deep breaths and compilations on why she agreed to sit across from her what some would call nemesis. Y/N dropped into the chair across from him, her movements sharp, deliberate. She crossed her legs and draped her jacket over the back of the chair, as though marking her territory. The gin martini she had begrudgingly ordered sat untouched in front of her.  
Seungcheol leaned back in his seat, the picture of ease. His arm rested casually along the back of his chair, his other hand nursing his drink. That maddening smirk hadn’t left his face, like he was thoroughly enjoying the spectacle of her reluctantly sitting across from him.  
“So,” he began, his voice smooth and infuriatingly calm, “what made you change your mind? The drink? My charm? Or were you just dying for my company?”  
Y/N arched an unimpressed brow. “Don’t flatter yourself. I came over because you don’t seem to understand boundaries. Consider this my final act of mercy before I block you everywhere.”  
Seungcheol chuckled, the sound low and warm, as though her words were the punchline of a joke only he understood. “Harsh, but fair. I guess I’ll take what I can get.”  
He took a slow sip of his drink, his eyes never leaving hers. Y/N hated how effortlessly magnetic he was, how he could command a room—or in this case, her attention—without even trying. It was infuriating.  
She tilted her head slightly, her gaze sharp. “You seem awfully proud of yourself for someone who’s clearly losing.”  
“Losing?” His smirk deepened, and he leaned forward just slightly, resting his elbows on the table. “You’re the one who walked over here, Y/N. I’d say that’s a win for me.”  
The way he said her name made her want to both glare at him and look away, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of either. Instead, she leaned back in her chair, mirroring his earlier posture, and folded her arms across her chest.  
“Don’t read too much into it,” she said coolly. “I’m just here to make sure you don’t order me another unwanted drink. Bartenders have better things to do than play delivery boy for your ego.”  
He laughed again, and this time it was louder, unrestrained. The sound was warm, genuine, and entirely at odds with how much he irritated her. “You really don’t hold back anymore, do you? I like that about you.”  
“I’m not here for you to like me,” she shot back.  
His expression softened, just for a moment, and she thought she caught a flicker of something sincere beneath his playful facade. “Maybe not. But you’re here. That counts for something.”  
She rolled her eyes, breaking the brief intensity of the moment. “Don’t push your luck.”  
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said, though his tone suggested the exact opposite.  
For a few beats, neither of them spoke. The silence wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it wasn’t entirely hostile either. The sounds of the bar filled the space between them: the hum of conversation, the clinking of glasses, the soft strains of jazz.  
Eventually, Seungcheol broke the silence. “So, what’s got you sitting alone in a bar tonight?”  
Y/N hesitated. She didn’t owe him an answer. But there was something disarming about the way he asked, like he genuinely wanted to know, like he wasn’t just making small talk.  
“It’s really none of your business, but in the spirit of trying to be nice to you. I just felt like it, simple as that.” she said finally, though her voice lacked the edge it usually carried.  
He didn’t push, didn’t pry. Instead, he nodded, as if her non-answer was enough. “Fair. All your friends were busy, huh? I get it. Me too.”  
Another silence settled between them, but this time, it felt different—less like a standoff and more like a truce.  
“You know,” Seungcheol said after a moment, his tone lighter, almost teasing, “you’re a lot more interesting when you’re not trying so hard to be intimidating.”  
She shot him a withering look, but there was no real heat behind it. “And you’re a lot less interesting when you talk.”  
He laughed again, and she hated how much she didn’t hate the sound of it.  
The conversation carried on like that—sharp, sarcastic, and laced with an undercurrent of something neither of them wanted to acknowledge. Y/N still didn’t trust him, and she still found him insufferable. But for the first time, she started to wonder if there was more to him than the cocky facade he wore so well.  
By the time she checked her phone and its unread texts, her martini was empty, and she hadn’t blocked his number.  
“You’re letting me off easy tonight,” Seungcheol said, leaning back in his chair with that same infuriating grin.  
“Don’t get used to it,” she replied, her voice as sharp as ever but, she caught herself smiling—just barely—and that annoyed her more than anything.  
“You’re not a regular here, are you?” Seungcheol asked, swirling the last remnants of his drink.  
Y/N raised an eyebrow, her lips curling up in challenge. “Why do I not look the part?”  
“It’s not that exactly,” he said, smirking. “You seem more like the type who spends your time in your room, like all your high school nights at home, organizing your planner instead of, you know, being out and about.”  
Her jaw dropped, feigning offense. “Excuse me? I unfortunately know you know what I was like in high school.”  
“I do know,” he said smugly, leaning forward a bit. “You were the girl who always had perfectly color-coded notes and freaked out if someone borrowed her highlighters without asking.”  
“That is—” she began, then stopped, narrowing her eyes. “Okay, that might be true. But don’t act like you didn’t benefit from those notes. If I recall correctly, you borrowed them more than once.”  
Seungcheol grinned, shameless. “What can I say? You had great handwriting, and I had zero fucking interest in Chemistry.”  
“Right, and I’m supposed to believe you actually read through them,” she teased.  
“I did!” he said, feigning indignation. “Well, I skimmed them. Look, it’s not my fault that equations are boring.”  
Y/N shook her head, laughing despite herself. “You were the worst. Always showing up to class five minutes late, acting like you’d just conquered some heroic quest just to make it there. And the worst part is everyone ate it up.”  
“First of all,” Seungcheol interjected, holding up a finger, “those five minutes were essential. Do you know how hard it is to grab coffee and make it across campus in that short amount of time?”  
“Heroic, truly,” she said dryly.  
“And second,” he continued, ignoring her sarcasm, “admit it—you loved it. You were always so fucking serious, someone had to keep things interesting.”  
She scoffed, leaning back in her chair. “I was serious because someone had to be. While you were busy sneaking out of class, I was doing what I thought I had to do to be successful.”  
“Oh, come on,” he said with a playful grin. “It wasn’t that bad. I did my part… sometimes.”  
“Bare minimum,” she shot back. “And don’t think I forgot about that time you tried to pass off Wikipedia as a ‘credible source’ for our History project.”  
He laughed, a low, warm sound that made her stomach flip despite herself. “What can I say? I knew you’d catch it. Why do all the work when I have a perfectionist in my corner?”  
“Wow,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re really selling yourself here, Seungcheol.”  
He leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand. “And yet, here you are, sitting across from me. Funny how that works.”  
Y/N rolled her eyes, though the smile tugging at her lips betrayed her. “You’re insufferable.”  
“Maybe,” he said with a shrug. “But admit it—I made high school a little less boring for you.”  
She hesitated, then sighed dramatically. “Fine. A little.”  
“That’s all I needed to hear,” he said, grinning.  
“Don’t let it go to your head, it’s big enough” she warned.  
“I make no promises,” he replied smoothly.  
She shook her head, laughing softly. “Okay, so if you were the ‘bare minimum’ guy back then, what about now? Have you finally mastered the art of being responsible?”  
“Define ‘responsible,’” he said, smirking.  
“Right, I know that answer,” she said, laughing. “And it’s no.”  
“And you?” he shot back. “Still the same overachiever who used to rewrite her essays three times before turning them in?”  
“Of course not,” she said, lifting her drink with mock dignity. “Now I only rewrite them twice.”  
Seungcheol laughed again, the sound bright and easy. “Classic Y/N.”  
“You’re one to talk,” she teased. “Let me guess—still winging it through life and somehow making it work? Pretending to be perfect in front of Daddy Warbucks.”  
“Hey, don’t knock it,” he said, grinning. “It’s a system.”  
“A questionable one,” she said, shaking her head.  
“Maybe,” he admitted. “But it got me here, didn’t it?”  
Their laughter softened, and for a moment, the teasing gave way to something warmer. The weight of shared history lingered between them, a connection neither of them could deny.  
“You know,” he said after a beat, his tone more thoughtful, “I always wondered what you’d be like now. If you’d still get flustered when someone borrowed your highlighters.”  
Y/N tilted her head, a playful smile tugging at her lips. “And?”  
“And you’re not so different,” he said, leaning back. “Maybe a little sharper. But still you.”  
She raised her glass, her eyes meeting his. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”  
“It was meant to be one,” he said, his grin softening.  
The bartender called last call, breaking the moment. As they stepped outside into the cool night air, Seungcheol glanced over at her, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets.  
“It’s late,” he said casually. “You headed back to the building?”  
Y/N nodded, pulling her coat tighter around herself. “Yeah, unless you’ve got a better plan.”  
He smirked. “I might. But considering we’re both heading to the same place, how about I walk you back? Purely out of neighborly concern, of course.”  
She arched an eyebrow, fighting a smile. “Neighborly concern, huh? I didn’t realize you were such a gentleman.”  
“Don’t let it ruin my reputation,” he said with mock seriousness, stepping to her side as they began walking down the quiet, dimly lit street.  
The night was crisp, and their breaths puffed in the air as they walked. For a while, the conversation stayed light—comments about the weather, a random observation about the neon sign flickering on a nearby storefront. But as they turned onto the quieter road leading to their building, Y/N glanced at him, her lips twitching with amusement.  
“So, I have to ask,” she began, the playful edge returning to her voice.  
“Uh-oh,” Seungcheol said immediately, side-eyeing her. “That tone tells me I’m about to regret this walk.”  
“Oh, you will,” she said with a grin. “What did I hear about you and karaoke night last week?”  
He groaned, immediately scrubbing a hand down his face. “Oh, fuck. We have to talk about that?”  
“Let’s just say the campus gossip page is very thorough as well as Soony.” she said, biting back a laugh. “Apparently, you gave a very heartfelt performance. You really know how to piss people off, huh?”  
Seungcheol winced but quickly recovered, the corner of his mouth curling into a smirk. “Ah, I was wondering how long it’d take for you to bring it up.”  
“And you weren’t going to apologize to me?” she asked, half-laughing, half-horrified. “Do you know how many people sent me screenshots? I thought my phone was going to explode.”  
“Well, if it’s any consolation,” he said, shrugging, “it wasn’t entirely true.”  
She blinked, confused. “Wait, so you didn’t actually sing the song?”  
“Oh, I definitely sang it,” he said with a grin. “The dedication part might’ve been exaggerated, though. I mean, I got dared to sing something cheesy. Your name just came up because someone thought it’d be funny to make it look like I was serenading you. Seungkwan definitely was less than pleased with me though, he told me to stop being so obsessed with talking about you.” 
Y/N narrowed her eyes, trying to gauge whether he was telling the truth. “Uh-huh. And you just– what? Decided to ignore him?”   
“Not intentionally,” he said, grinning. “But, tequila and me don’t mix well I guess. I was, how do you say? Wasted?”  
She groaned, covering her face with her hands. “You’re fucking unbelievable. No wonder half the school thinks we’ve got some secret love-hate thing going on.”  
“Well, we do, don’t we?” he teased, nudging her lightly with his elbow.  
“That’s not helping your case,” she shot back, though her tone was more amused than annoyed.  
They walked a few more steps in companionable silence until a vibrant glow caught Y/N’s attention. A small bar down the street stood out, its bright neon sign flashing a rhythmic “OPEN” in a mix of blue and pink hues. She paused, the light reflecting in her eyes.
“Oh, I love this place,” she said suddenly, her tone lit with excitement. “The vibe, the music...”
Seungcheol followed her gaze, raising an eyebrow. “Never pegged you as the neon-bar type.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me anymore.” she shot back, her lips twitching into a grin.
“Well,” he said, tilting his head toward the glowing entrance, “can we change that? One more drink?”
Her brows lifted in surprise. “Seriously?”
“Why not?” he said with a shrug, already steering her toward the door. “It’s not like you’re turning in early anyway. Unless you’re scared I’ll outdrink you.”
“Oh, please,” she said, scoffing. “You wouldn’t stand a chance against me.”
The inside of the bar was cozy, illuminated by dim, colorful lighting that gave it a laid-back yet electric atmosphere. A jukebox hummed in the corner, playing a soft rock track that Y/N immediately recognized. The tables were a mix of polished wood and eclectic barstools, each piece mismatched but fitting perfectly with the aesthetic.
Seungcheol ordered for them—another round. This time beer, considering the dive energy of Y/n’s secret sanctuary—and slid onto a stool beside her at the bar.
“So,” he began, turning slightly to face her. “What’s so great about this place? Nostalgia trip? Secret past I should know about?”
Y/N laughed, shaking her head. “No, nothing like that. It’s just nice. A little out of the way, not too crowded. Good music, good vibes. Kind of like an escape.I just love that I can come here and not see anyone I know, just play pool, sit with myself.”
“An escape,” he echoed, his gaze softening slightly as he watched her. “Guess that makes sense. You always were the kind of person who found little spots like this.”
She gave him a curious look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He grinned. “Back in high school, you had this thing for sitting in the weirdest fucking places—corners of the library, random spots on campus no one else even thought about. I used to wonder if you were plotting something.”
“Again, not a plotter,” she insisted, though the laugh in her voice betrayed her.
“Sure,” he drawled, leaning an elbow on the bar. “And what about that time during sophomore year when you climbed up on the gym roof because you said it ‘had the best view’?”
She blinked, heat rising to her cheeks. “How do you even remember that?”
“Oh, I remember a lot,” he said, smirking. “Like the way you used to doodle all over your notes, even during exams. Or how you’d always hum to yourself when you thought no one was listening. I noticed a lot about you.”
“Okay, stop,” she said, laughing as she hid her face in her hands. “I cannot believe you remember all that.”
“You and your weird ass habits are hard to forget,” he said simply, his voice dipping into something softer, more sincere.
She peeked at him from behind her hands, her heart skipping for just a second before she shook her head, deflecting the moment. “What about you, Mr. Star of the Basketball Team? You spent more time in fucking detention than class. Not exactly model-student behavior.”
“Detention builds character,” he quipped, raising his glass in mock pride.
Y/N leaned back in her seat, twirling her drink idly. Seungcheol eyed her with a playful smirk, tilting his head like he was sizing her up for a challenge.  
“So,” he started, his tone dripping with mock seriousness, “now that we’re being all civil and everything, I think it’s time I asked the hard-hitting questions.”  
Y/N narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious but amused. “Hard-hitting? Like what? My favorite color?”  
“Please,” he scoffed, waving his hand dramatically. “I already know it’s blue.”  
She blinked, caught off guard. “Wait—how—”  
“Lucky guess,” he interrupted, grinning at her confusion. “Anyway, moving on. Let’s start with something juicier.” He leaned in slightly, lowering his voice like he was about to uncover a deep secret. “What’s the deal with Mingyu?”  
Her eyebrows shot up. “Mingyu? What about him?”  
“Oh, come on,” Seungcheol said, leaning back with an exaggerated sigh. “You two are always hanging out. Laughing at your little inside jokes. Are you secretly dating him or something? I mean I did see him leaving your place”  
Y/N barked out a laugh, nearly spilling her drink. “Are you serious? Also what’s the concern?”  
“Hey, it’s a valid question,” he defended, though his grin betrayed his teasing. “The guy follows you around like a lost puppy half the time.”  
“He does not.” she protested, still laughing. “Mingyu’s just... Mingyu. He’s like a giant golden retriever. Sweet, chaotic, but no not together like that.”  
Seungcheol raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “So, you’re saying he’s firmly in the friend zone?”  
“I guess,” she confirmed, taking a sip of her drink. “I think he might actually be more in love with testing my patience than anything else.”  
Seungcheol chuckled at that, nodding in agreement. “Okay, fair. But what about Hoshi?”  
Her face twisted in mock confusion. “Seriously? What about Soony?”  
“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging. “He’s fun, kind of weird. Seems like the type to sweep someone off their feet with, like, a mating dance or some weird song he wrote in his bedroom.”  
“Stop,” Y/N groaned, laughing harder now. “Hoshi would absolutely cry at that description. He’s my go-to for chill movie nights and random deep conversations, but romantic? No way.”  
“Hmm.” Seungcheol tapped his chin thoughtfully, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “So, what you’re saying is... no secret boyfriends in your inner circle?”  
She gave him a flat look. “Why are you so fucking nosy about my love life?”  
“I’m just trying to piece together the puzzle that is the great Y/N,” he said, feigning innocence. “You know, fill in the blanks from all those years we spent arguing.”  
“Uh-huh,” she said skeptically, crossing her arms. “And what about you Mr. Investigator? Any secret girlfriends I should know about? Maybe one you should have been serenading at karaoke?”  
“Touché,” he said, raising his glass in mock surrender. “But for the record, no. I’m currently unattached, thank you very much.”  
“Oh, the ladies must be absolutely fucking devastated,” she quipped, smirking.  
“They’ll survive,” he shot back, smirking right back. “Besides, I’ve been too busy dealing with you lately.”  
She rolled her eyes, but the playful banter warmed her more than the drink in her hand. “Well, consider yourself lucky. Not everyone gets the privilege of my company.”  
“Oh, I know,” he said, his grin softening into something more genuine. “And honestly? I think I’m starting to enjoy it.”  
The words hung in the air for a beat, his tone more sincere than she’d expected. She glanced at him, caught off guard but not entirely displeased.  
“Careful, Seungcheol,” she said, her voice lighter than she felt. “People might think we’re actually getting along.”  
“Maybe because we are,” he said simply, taking a sip of his drink.  
For a moment, the tension between them softened into something easier, something unspoken but understood. And as the jukebox switched to a new song, Y/N decided she didn’t mind the shift.  
Seungcheol took another sip of his drink, his eyes still on Y/N. There was something in the way the conversation had shifted, and for the first time, it felt like there was less of an edge between them.
“So,” he started again, a little quieter this time, “you really don’t think Mingyu’s into you?”
Y/N gave him a side-eye. “We’ve been over this like a thousand fucking times, Seungcheol. He’s not.”
“Mm, I don’t know,” he mused, leaning back in his chair, his grin returning, though it was less mischievous and more thoughtful. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not looking. It’s like he’s trying to decide if he’s supposed to be looking at you like a friend or something... more.”
“Don’t be fucking ridiculous,” Y/N scoffed, crossing her arms. “Mingyu would never. He’d rather trip over his own feet than admit something like that.”
Seungcheol’s gaze softened for a moment. “Are you sure about that?”
Her expression faltered for a brief second, before she shook her head. “Yeah, I’m sure. Besides, I wouldn’t want him to feel like he had to hide it. He’s one of my best friends. I’m not trying to complicate things.”
“I get that.” Seungcheol’s voice softened too, the tone carrying more sincerity than before. “Sometimes the simplest friendships get tangled when people start overthinking things. Kind of like how we were”
Y/N nodded, running a hand through her hair. “Exactly. And I like things the way they are. We all have enough drama to deal with without adding any more.”
Seungcheol chuckled. “True. Which is my fault. I’m sorry.” He tilted his head, eyeing her thoughtfully. “So, you’d never date someone from your friend group? Not even someone you’ve known for a while?”
Y/N looked at him sharply, her eyebrows furrowing. “Are you trying to psychoanalyze me now? I thought we were past that.”
“No, no,” he said quickly, hands raised in mock surrender. “I’m just curious. I mean, you’ve been surrounded by them for so long, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s ever crossed your mind.”
“Maybe,” she said, her eyes softening, “but even if it did, I’m not sure it’d be a good idea. Things would get complicated. People start taking sides, there’s awkwardness... I’m not about that.”
Seungcheol tilted his head. “So, you’re saying you’d never date someone like me?”
Y/N blinked, and her gaze shot to his face. “What?”
He leaned forward slightly, his grin playful again. “I mean, I’m not exactly the worst option. I’ve been known to be a pretty decent guy once you get past the sarcasm and the... well, the occasional obsession with bad jokes.”
Y/N’s lips twitched. “Wow, really selling yourself there, huh? And I tried that once, it ended so fucking poorly, you know it. So no, not a consideration.”
“Hey, I’ve got layers,” he replied, tapping his chest dramatically. “There’s more to me than meets the eye.”
Y/N leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs, her gaze narrowing slightly as she studied him. “You think you could handle me now? I’m not exactly an easy person to figure out anymore. You hurt my feelings so badly that this grudge has been lingering over us for a decade and you think I’d even consider you?”
“Please,” he said, waving her off. “I’ve been dealing with you for years. I know exactly what I’m getting into.” He smirked. “Or at least, I like to think I do. I know all of that was stupid and you don’t exactly know the full story I took accountability for it, I still feel fucking awful. You have to understand that.”
She raised an eyebrow. “I do. But I don’t think you’ve ever exactly figured me out.”
“Sure, I’ve got you pretty figured out.” Seungcheol grinned, leaning closer again, his tone playful. “You’re a bit of a control freak, a perfectionist, but deep down, you’re a big fucking softie who just doesn’t want to admit it and you don’t want to admit you sort of like me..”
Y/N snorted, shaking her head. “Wow, you really do think you have me figured out, don’t you?”
“I do.” He leaned back again, looking pleased with himself. “And if you ever decided to date someone like me... well, I think I could keep up with your charm.”
Y/N’s lips quivered at the corners as she shook her head. “You are a very bold drunk. But – Maybe you’re right. But for now, you’ll have to settle for being my most annoying nemesis.”
“Hey, I’m cool with that,” Seungcheol said, raising his glass with a wink. “You’re the most fun challenge I’ve ever had, times two.”
Y/N laughed, the sound light and easy, and for a moment, she felt like the conversation had just returned to the usual playful banter they always had. But beneath the teasing, there was something different—something that lingered in the way they looked at each other, a quiet understanding that maybe, just maybe, things weren’t as simple as they seemed.
“So,” Seungcheol said after a beat, breaking the silence with a teasing grin. “If you had to choose someone from the group, who would it be?”
Y/N considered him for a moment, then leaned forward. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll think about it if you do the same. Deal?”
Seungcheol raised an eyebrow. “Oh, it’s like that, huh? I guess we’ll see who cracks first.”
Y/N smirked. “I’ll be waiting. But no pressure.”
For a moment, the playfulness settled back in, but beneath the laughter and the teasing, the question hung in the air, unanswered but not unwelcome. 
Seungcheol glanced over at Y/N, a thought lingering in the back of his mind. He’d always been good at pushing things off, but tonight felt different. He couldn't keep skirting around this tension that had been there for years. They’d shared countless moments, laughed together, argued, but there was always something unresolved hanging between them, like a shadow that neither of them fully acknowledged.
He waved over the bartender. “Two more of the usual,” he said with a casual smile, though the weight of what he was about to say sat heavily in his chest.
Y/N didn’t notice the shift at first, still absentmindedly sipping her drink and watching the crowd. When the bartender returned with the fresh glasses, Seungcheol’s grin faded just a little. He set his glass down with more care than he usually did, then leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table.
“Y/N,” he said, his voice quieter than before, but there was no mistaking the sincerity in it. Her gaze flicked to him, catching the change in his tone.
“What’s up?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Seungcheol hesitated, unsure how to put it into words. His usual teasing was nowhere to be found now. He ran a hand through his hair and looked down, gathering his thoughts. "I know we’ve had... our share of messes between us,” he began slowly, his words careful, each one weighed down with meaning. “And I know I’ve been... Well, definitely not the best sometimes. I’ve said things, done things that probably made you feel like I didn’t really care, or that I wasn’t worth the effort."
Y/N’s expression softened, though she remained quiet, listening. She could feel the tension rise again, but this time, it wasn’t the usual playful back-and-forth. It felt... real.
“I don’t know if this is the right time to bring it up, or the right place considering it’s a sanctuary for you,” Seungcheol continued, meeting her eyes now, his voice lower, more vulnerable than she’d ever heard it before, “but I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately. About how we’ve been, and how I’ve been with you. And... I’m sorry. For all the stupid things I’ve said and done in the past that made things harder between us.”
Y/N blinked, taken off guard by the honesty in his voice. She opened her mouth to say something, but he held up a hand, shaking his head gently.
“No, wait. Please let me finish.” His voice was steadier now, more resolved. “I’ve always been kind of... blind, I guess. I thought I could keep things light, keep pushing, keep playing around with you. But the truth is, I’ve always respected you. I always thought you were way more than what I let on. And I think I took that for granted.” He leaned in, his voice a little more earnest. “I don’t know what you want from me, Y/N. But I want a chance to show you that I can be better. I can be someone who’s actually worth your time—whether that’s as a friend or something more. I don’t care what we have to go through, I just don’t want to leave things unfinished, or have this distance between us anymore. I want to be in your life. For real.”
Y/N didn’t know how to respond. She could hear the weight in his words, the genuine apology. The teasing, cocky side of Seungcheol had been stripped away, leaving someone vulnerable and raw. She wasn’t used to seeing him like this—he had always been so confident, so in control. But now, there was no hiding the sincerity that poured out of him.
The silence stretched between them, and for a second, it felt like the whole world had paused.
Y/N looked at him, her heart racing. She’d spent so long guarding herself, pushing away feelings she didn’t want to deal with. But here he was, finally offering her the one thing she’d always wished for—the chance to start fresh, to move past the hurt and the misunderstandings.
“You’re really serious, aren’t you?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Seungcheol nodded, his expression softening further. “Yeah, I am. And I know it’s probably too late to change everything that’s happened. But I don’t want you to think I’m just some guy who’s going to disappear all the time when it gets tough. I want to be here for you. I always have, in my own messed-up way. But I’m ready to try for real this time.”
Y/N swallowed, feeling the lump in her throat, fighting back the emotions threatening to spill over. “I... I don’t know what to say,” she admitted, her voice shaky now. “It’s not at all easy for me to just forget everything. The way things have been between us even our parents are involved, our friends I mean... it's a lot.”
“I know,” Seungcheol said, his voice gentle. “I’m not asking you to forget. Just  to consider it. Consider giving me the chance to prove that I can be the person you need. I know I’ve messed up, and I know it might take time, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
Y/N took a deep breath, her mind racing. She’d been so focused on keeping things light, keeping him and everything at a distance. But in that moment, looking at him—seeing the vulnerability in his eyes—she realized maybe it was time to let go of the past. Maybe it was time to see what could happen if they didn’t keep pretending.
She exhaled slowly, the weight in her chest easing just a little. “Alright, Choi,” she said, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’ve got one, like literally, one fucking chance. Don’t mess it up.”
Seungcheol’s grin returned, but this time it wasn’t cocky—it was soft, relieved. “I won’t. I fucking swear.”"
For a moment, the air between them felt lighter, the tension that had always existed now dissipating into something... different. There was a quiet understanding, a mutual agreement to try, even if it wasn’t going to be easy.
Y/N stared at him for a second longer, her heart still thumping in her chest as the weight of the conversation settled. She opened her mouth to speak but hesitated, a slight frown tugging at her lips.
“Hey, Seungcheol,” she said, voice quieter now, tinged with something almost sheepish.
“Yeah?” He tilted his head, watching her closely.
She shifted in her seat, her fingers nervously tracing the rim of her drink. “I just... I don’t think I can tell anyone about this. About us hanging out tonight. Or about... this.” She gestured between them, her eyes not meeting him. “They’ll call me a hypocrite.”
Seungcheol blinked, surprised. “What? Why?”
She let out a small sigh, frustration and amusement mixing. “Because for years, I’ve been the one telling them not to trust you, to keep their distance. And now... here I am, talking to you like we’re on the same page. They’ll never let me live it down.”
He frowned slightly, understanding finally dawning on him. “You really think they’ll be that harsh?”
Y/N shrugged. “Probably. They know I’ve never been shy about how I feel about you. It’s gonna look like I’m going back on everything I’ve said.”
Seungcheol leaned back, his expression softening as he processed her words. “Look, I get it. You’ve had your reasons to keep me at arm’s length. But you don’t have to keep everything a secret just because of them. You should do what feels right for you, not for what other people think.”
She met his eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “I know, I know. It’s just... it feels like I’d be betraying what I’ve always said. I’ve spent so long keeping things from getting too close, you know?”
“I get it,” Seungcheol said, nodding. “And I’m not asking you to do anything you’re not ready for. I’m not going anywhere, though. Whenever you’re ready to tell them, or not tell them, it’s up to you. Just don’t let it keep you from what you want.”
Y/N smiled softly, the tension in her shoulders easing just a little. “Thanks, Seungcheol. I’m not sure what I want just yet... but I think I’m getting there.”
Seungcheol gave her a reassuring nod. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
As they sat there, the jukebox playing softly in the background, it was clear that this conversation wasn’t the end of anything, but maybe the beginning of something different. Something that neither of them had fully expected—but something they were both willing to explore. And even though Y/N wasn’t sure how to navigate the fallout with her friends, for the first time in a long while, she felt like she had someone on her side.
As they walked back into the night, the streets were quieter, the hum of the city fading into the background as the two of them walked side by side, the cool night air wrapping around them. The usual banter between them had settled into a comfortable silence, but there was something unspoken between them—something new. Neither of them had figured it all out yet, but tonight had cracked something open, and it wasn’t something they could ignore.
Seungcheol shoved his hands in his pockets, glancing over at Y/N, who was walking a little slower, lost in thought. “So,” he started casually, his voice lighter than before, “how exactly are we going to pull this off without everyone calling us out?”
Y/N let out a small laugh, shaking her head. “I’m honestly still figuring that part out. Which is why I’m lost in my head. I don’t want to tell them we hung out. Not yet, anyway. They’ll just jump to conclusions, you know? Like they always do.”
“Yeah, they have a tendency to make things dramatic,” Seungcheol said, rolling his eyes. “But what, you’re just going to keep this all a secret? How long do you think we can get away with it?”
Y/N shrugged, her expression thoughtful. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s not like we’re doing anything wrong. We’re just talking, right? But they won’t see it that way. And I don’t want to make things awkward if it all goes south.”
Seungcheol glanced at her sideways, a small, teasing smile playing on his lips. “You really think it’ll go south? Just because we decided to be honest for once?”
Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress the smile tugging at her lips. “It could? But, I’ve spent so much time telling them how terrible you are, it’s going to look weird if I suddenly show up saying, ‘Hey, guess what, Seungcheol and I are actually cool now.’”
“Well, maybe it’s time to shake things up a bit,” Seungcheol said, nudging her with his elbow. “Who says you have to be predictable? Maybe they need to see a different side of me. I mean, it’s not like I’ve been all bad, right?”
Y/N let out a short laugh, glancing at him with a raised brow. “Oh, trust me, they know you have a charming side. Which really fucking bothers me. I don’t think they’d buy the whole us trying to be friends thing anyway, even if I did tell them.”
“I’m not saying we make a huge announcement,” Seungcheol said, his tone shifting to something more thoughtful. “Maybe we should just keep it low-key for now. Just, let things develop naturally. No pressure.”
Y/N stopped walking for a moment, glancing at him. “I just feel bad, I guess. I know it's a lot to ask you to keep something like this quiet for who knows how long?”
He stopped too, meeting her gaze with a quiet intensity. “I get that. I’m not asking you to hide things for me, Y/N. I just don’t want things to be messy. We don’t have to tell anyone until we’re sure of where we stand. And if it does get weird, if we realize we’ve made a mistake  then we deal with it. Together.”
She looked at him for a long moment, then let out a quiet sigh, shoulders relaxing. “You make it sound simple. But I’m just not sure if I want to make everything complicated again.”
Seungcheol took a small step closer, his voice gentle now. “I’m not asking for us to dive into anything crazy. Just... give it a chance. We’ve been through too much for me to walk away now. And I’d rather have you in my life, even if it’s just as friends, than have things stay the way they’ve always been.”
Y/N stared at the ground for a second, thinking. He wasn’t pushing her, wasn’t demanding anything more than she was willing to give. But it was hard to ignore how much his words made her feel. The thought of letting someone in, really letting them in—without all the barriers and walls—was terrifying. But, for once, it felt like Seungcheol wasn’t trying to be the person who hurt her. Instead, he was offering something different.
Finally, she looked up, meeting his eyes. “Okay, fine. We’ll keep it quiet. Just for now. I’m not ready for everyone to know we’re friends or on the way to being friends whatever this is. But I’ll give it a shot. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll give it a chance.”
Seungcheol grinned, a quiet triumph in his eyes. “Fair enough. No pressure. We can just take it one step at a time.”
They started walking again, the soft crunch of their footsteps on the pavement the only sound between them for a few moments.
“Honestly though,” Seungcheol said, glancing over at her with a playful glint in his eye, “I’m kind of excited to see how long we can keep this whole ‘secret friendship’ thing going.”
Y/N snorted, the tension between them easing further. “Oh, I’m sure you’ll have fun with that. Just don’t do anything stupid to blow it.”
“I won’t,” he replied, his grin widening. “You have my word.”
As they continued walking, the city’s lights flickering overhead, there was a sense of quiet understanding between them now—an unspoken agreement that this, whatever it was, wasn’t going to be easy. But for the first time in a long while, it felt like maybe it could be worth it.
And maybe, just maybe, it didn’t have to be a secret forever.
As they reached the steps of their building, Y/N’s heart sank when she spotted a familiar figure approaching from the opposite direction. Yuqi was walking briskly toward them, her face glowing with the aftermath of what had clearly been an entertaining night. 
“Oh, no,” Y/N muttered under her breath, glancing at Seungcheol in alarm. “It’s Yuqi.”
“Yuqi?” Seungcheol repeated, his brows furrowing. “Like red headed Yuqi, Yuqi?”
“Yes,” Y/N hissed, already feeling the impending questions. “If she sees us together, she’s never going to let me live it down. She’ll have a thousand questions, and I’m not ready for an interrogation.”
Seungcheol’s eyes darted around the street. “What do you want me to do? Hide? Run? Fake a phone call?”
“Fuck. Just—” Y/N gestured frantically to the nearby column. “Go hide over there. Now.”
Seungcheol darted to the side, flattening himself against the column with the stealth of someone who had absolutely no business being stealthy. Y/N quickly composed herself as Yuqi stepped up to the entrance, her sharp eyes immediately zoning in on her.
“Y/N!” Yuqi called brightly, her heels clicking on the pavement. “What are you doing out here? Don’t tell me you were out with someone tonight.”
Y/N leaned casually against the railing, shrugging. “Nope, I just needed a breather. Thought I’d have a smoke before heading up.”
Yuqi’s eyebrows shot up. “You don’t even smoke.”
“Well, weed.” Y/N said, tilting her head with an exaggerated shrug
Yuqi narrowed her eyes, clearly unconvinced, but she didn’t press further. Instead, she launched into a detailed retelling of her date, her hands flying dramatically as she described the highlights of being out with Mark.
Y/N nodded along, her expression carefully neutral as she sneaked a glance at Seungcheol. He peeked out from behind the column and mimed lighting a cigarette with a cocky grin, earning a sharp glare from Y/N that she hoped Yuqi didn’t catch.
“And then,” Yuqi continued, oblivious, “he tried to tell me he knew a magic trick, but he completely botched it. Oh my god, Y/N, I almost died laughing.”
“Sounds amazing, I'm glad you had fun ,” Y/N said, trying not to choke on her suppressed laughter.
Yuqi stretched her arms above her head with a satisfied sigh. “Anyway, I need to shower so badly and I am so fucking tired. Let’s do a proper debrief tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure,” Y/N said quickly. “Go get some rest. I’ll be right up. Night, girlie.”
“Night, loser.” Yuqi said with a wave, finally heading inside. 
The second the coast was clear, Seungcheol emerged from his hiding spot, brushing himself off dramatically. “So, how’d I do?”
“You were fucking terrible,” Y/N said, though she was smiling as she shook her head. “I could see you miming a cigarette out of the corner of my eye. You’re so lucky she didn’t notice.”
“Hey, I was staying in character,” he said with a mock-serious expression. “You said you were having a smoke. I was just being a supportive whatever I am.”
“A pain in my ass?” Y/N offered.
“That too,” he quipped, his grin wide and unrepentant. “But come on, admit it. This whole sneaking around thing is kind of fun.”
Y/N rolled her eyes, though her laughter betrayed her. “Fun? You call nearly blowing my cover fun?”
“Absolutely,” Seungcheol said with a nod. “But now I’m curious—if someone else catches us, what’s your next excuse? Stargazing? Birdwatching? Vigilante vibes?” 
“Keep it up,” she warned playfully, “and I’ll just tell them I was waiting for the cops to show up because you’re stalking me.”
“Brutal,” he said, chuckling. “But hey, I got us through tonight, didn’t I?”
“Fucking barely,” she shot back, though the smile on her face lingered as they walked up to the door. 
Once they had one last peak into their building, the soft glow of the lobby lights spilling onto the sidewalk. Seungcheol pulled the door open for her, gesturing grandly.  
“After you, Highlighter Girl,” he said with a smirk.  
“Wow, thanks, Karaoke King,” she replied dryly as she stepped inside.  
As they waited for the elevator, the air between them felt lighter, easier—like the lingering tension from earlier in the night had finally given way to something more comfortable.  
“So,” Y/N said as the elevator doors slid open, “any plans to top that famous performance? Or was that your peak?”  
He laughed, stepping in beside her. “Oh, that was just the beginning. Next time, I’ll take requests.”  
She rolled her eyes, but the corners of her lips tugged upward despite herself. “Just do me a favor and leave my name out of it, okay?”  
“Where’s the fun in that?” he quipped, his grin wide and teasing.  
The elevator chimed, and they stepped out onto their floor. stopping in front of her door, Y/N turned to him, arms crossed.  
“Thanks for the walk,” she said, her whispering tone light but genuine.  
Seungcheol paused before taking out his keys, giving her a crooked grin. “Goodnight, Y/N. Try not to miss me too much.”
“Goodnight, Seungcheol,” she replied, shaking her head. “Try not to get yourself on the gossip page again. Or at least, not because of me.”  
“No promises,” he called as she shut the door behind her, his laughter echoing softly in the hallway.  
Y/N couldn’t help but smile as she took off her coat. Whatever this was between them—this ridiculous, secret, almost-friendship—it was chaotic and unpredictable. But she had to admit, it was also shocking that she was starting to feel like something she didn’t entirely mind.
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note: hiii lol. two in one week bc now that we're getting into it more im excited, but! pls enjoy. hopefully we can alllll try to support y/n in her time of her "healing era" lmao
taglist: @minhui896@sun-daddy-yoriichi@luchiet@miles-sketchbook@kissesfrmwonwoo@readerlozies@vcutparis@mxnhoeuwu@writingbarnes@headlockimnida@odxrilove@jeonghaniehaee@bath1lda @wonwootakemyheart @dokyomis@hanniesdegree @blvkkeddcc@gyuguys@rakshithanotrao @multiplumes @jihoonsbbygirl
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jaybin-todd · 2 days ago
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Intro Post 🐦 🟥
Just a Robin!Jason/Jaybin roleplay account! He’s like 12 here so I’d say a few months after Bruce took him in/after he became Robin
Feel free to send asks or tag me! I love roleplaying and I’ll interact with canon characters and OCs :) I’m fine to do angst or fluff or whatever. Obviously I won’t do anything NSFW (he is 12) but I’m fine with moderate gore if it comes up, violence also
Even though I’m not 12, Jason is so please don’t send weird shit!
Tag System:
#asks - pretty self explanatory. Asks answered :)
#robin talking - text posts/wherever it’s in character! Feel free to interact
#roleplay prompts - again self explanatory! Please try and respond with a similar level of detail as it’s typed (e.g. if I’m writing like a paragraph of detail or a few lines of lazy text, try and respond similarly :) )
#ooc - when I, the blog owner, want to talk as me lol
#discourse - I hope I don’t have to use this one but it’s here just in case!
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wafflinglumos · 1 year ago
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One of the oddest things I’ve seen this fandom do, that irritates me in all honesty, is making jily angst povs and in the comments there will be various comments going “Reggie would never do that”, “And then Regulus swoops in”, “Yeah but Regulus would never say that”, and it’s just like, what???
All of jegulus’ characterization of the two is LITERALLY that Regulus WOULD do that??? Also, why bring up another ship in a different ship video?? I promise you, you guys can just scroll.
It’s also just, if a person were to make an angsty pov where Lily is yelling at James for that godawful headcanon where he asked her out everyday, ie harrased her every day, you’d have at least, at LEEEEAST ten comments saying that Regulus would never do that, and calling Lily unfair and cruel, however if someone were to make a jegulus angsty pov where Regulus yelled at James for NO reason(instead of Lily’s valid one), you’d have an insane amount of comments sympathizing with both of them.
This fandom hates women, it has in it’s roots with Tonks and wolfstar, and it has now with Lily and jegulus.
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daeyumi · 1 year ago
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Hero 💠💎🗡️
[Linktober 2022 Day 17: Link]
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windwakingwhale · 1 month ago
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it’s that TIME of the year again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY OCARINA OF TIME
(i totally didn’t forget it was today)
i made this in one hour (most of it was used on drawing time’s pose, i swear i almost started crying bc i couldn’t freaking draw it right) using the limited amount of pencils i thankfully remembered to pack for my trip lol
i also used the only font i knew bc i got lazy near the end
anyway happy birthday time -cue the confetti and loud as heck party blower things)
(OMG I DIDNT KNOW THAT A LINK TO THE PAST CAME OUT TODAY TOO IM SO SORRY LEGEND)
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alonsoings · 1 year ago
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théo liking this post 😭😭
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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 5 months ago
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ari what do you think of jin itadori (also i would like to bubble🫧 anon if that's available please)(you could just call me bubbles)
MOTHER .
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(hi my lovely little anon, the bubbles emoji is taken by an ask i haven’t answered quite yet, but feel free to pick another one!! 🥹 so nice to meet you <33)
it’s funny you say this actually because i’ve been thinking of him recently... especially after the whole lore reveal. the fact that jin was literally devoured in the womb so his sibling could survive + willingly let himself be manipulated by kenjaku despite knowing it wasn’t kaori….. well. it’s tasty, right? and it makes me a little insane because if sukuna embodies strenght, isn’t it only natural that jin would embody weakness? the weakness of love? inherent submission to those more powerful than him?
anyway what i’m trying to say is kenny topped. thank you for listening 🫶
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dulcewrites · 1 year ago
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I know the creators probably did not mean to do it when they made the Velaryons black (more than likely went over their heads tbh), and I do agree with certain criticisms/concerns people had about how black characters are treated in hotd. But I do think in theory, making the Velaryons, specifically Corlys, black was an interesting choice.
I think having a black man, in particular, chasing the Westeros equivalent of ‘the American dream’ and it leading to the eventual hinderess of his house is fascinating. Downfall in the sense that House Velaryon never reaches the heights they had pre dance. Corlys is playing a political game, as someone who is far more suited as a warrior/sailor than anything else, with people that keep him at arm’s length. He can not maneuver the way they do successfully despite the money and connection to dragon riders. But he continues to push for that status symbol…for that recognition and acceptance.
I will be mixing a bit of F&b lore as well as the show so just.. stay with me on this lmao.
When we are first introduced to the corlys/the velaryons, we get this air of ‘new money’ (gag I do hate that term but let’s go with it), though the Velaryons are a house that survived the doom. Corlys has essentially single handedly elevated his house through seafarer. He is described as someone that, despite the wealth and power being Lord of the Tides has brought, is seldom satisfied. Hence why once his own path towards being king consort/having his blood on throne is dashed after the great council of 101, he more than likely gets in his head that he must take steps to right that wrong.
Like many men in this story, if not all, corlys views the people around him - His wife, daughter, son, granddaughters and even Rhaenyra to a certain extent - as extensions of the himself and the pawns in his plan.
Now, this will probably be an unpopular opinion, though I don’t think it should be, but I’m of the belief Corlys cared little about how his family faired because of his ambition. Namely his wife, Rhaenys (who if we go by book canon he married when she was a teen then cheated on her with another teen). I think he sees her as another status symbol. He’s married to a dragon riding princess. I sense a lot of people get blinded by the shiny varnish their relationship has on the show, especially compared to the outwardly hellish relationships in book/show. He constantly undermines her. Though I personally don’t believe Rhaenys when she says she’s over not being queen, I do agree with her when she says corlys is doing all of this more for himself and his house than her. Despite the quippy lines they give Rhaenys, she too is a victim of patriarchy and by extension of that a backseat passenger in her own family. She too follows her husband’s orders even to the detriment of others. She may be able to voice her concerns, but they fall on deaf ears.
Corlys uses his 12 year old daughter as a bargaining chip. And let me tell you, I get so annoyed when people use the argument of ‘well rhaenys and corlys were upfront about pimping out their tween daughter while otto sent Alicent in secret’. They all will be sharing the same room in hell with viserys regardlesss babes. Or the argument that the dance wouldn’t have happened if Viserys married laena. The dance, or some sort of infighting, was set in stone the moment viserys decided to not only remarry but have kids. Weakening Rhaenyra’s already flimsy claim. It was set the moment the Targaryens followed the same male primogeniture many in Westeros do. Corlys would have been right at the ‘patriarchy rocks’ party if laena married viserys and managed to produce a male heir.
Rhaenys expresses wanting the driftmark line to pass through Laena’s daughters. Mind you, Laena is older anyway. If corlys wanted his eldest child to have it.. he could’ve changed that from jumped since he’s so team feminism lmao. Corlys quickly says no because he knows taking that from Lucerys means disenfranchising Rhaenyra’s claim. In turn, laenor will not be king consort and their blood will not be on the throne.
Except… he knows those boys are not of Velaryon blood. The same way he knew laenor, his gay son, would be in harm’s way marrying Rhaenyra. To him, his family name being written in books is more important than empowering his granddaughters, despite tooting the horn he is doing this because his wife was robbed because she is a woman. To him, his family name being written in books is more important than the safety of his kids. He actually mirrors viserys post laenor’s ‘death’ and shuts down. But the point of running away. Leaving his wife to rule without him. All because his own choices and guilt are probably eating him alive.
It’s why I was actually quite taken when in ep 10, it is corlys that finally says enough is enough. But I actually like the choice. By now he has lost his daughter, his brother (I have a lot of feelings/thoughts on how vaemond wants power like corlys but it manifests vastly differently in terms of their house), and he thinks his son as well. Him realizing that his ‘keeping up with the joneses’ phase has done nothing but have the Stranger follow their family is harrowing. He wants to go home; he is ready to be rid of this. And yet it is Rhaenys, his dragon riding princess, telling him they must keep fighting for Rhaenyra. Quickly reminding him that their family is binded to the Targaryens regardless, and because of his choices; through having Lucerys still be heir to driftmark and the farce that jace as a bastard will take the throne with little strife. As well as because of the agreement that their granddaughters, not good enough claimants to driftmark themselves according to corlys, will be married to the strong boys.
His house will not prevail and flourish in the wake of this, which I think is an interesting contrast to say someone like Otto. I don’t think Corlys is a second son in the literal sense but he feels as one because he has had to fight for what he has. In ep 2, he compared himself to daemon, an actual second son, because of this fact. Otto is the same, a second son turned hand of kings. They scheme the same way, and have very similar ambitions. They hurt people in the process, especially those they are meant to protect. Regardless of who sits on the throne or how the war panned out, House Hightower continues to be a relatively wealthy, respected house. Versus what happens to House Velaryon… a now black house in show canon. These men played the same game and only one, in terms of the things he wanted, ‘won’.
That’s such a damning insight on how power corrupts the same way regardless of race, but the repercussions of it are different for everyone. Like I said, I know the writers did not think this far ahead or take this into account. But it’s something I picked up on as black woman myself.
It all comes back to Corlys’ choices. He will soon be adding his wife to the list of people the Stranger takes.
He must take his own advice sail through the storm…
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r0semultiverse · 8 months ago
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I refuse to hop in a Zoox car in my entire life if I can avoid it. I refuse to hop into any self-driving robo taxi (or robotaxi) that uses AI to keep it’s passengers “safe.” If this is actually a service they are legally allowed to provide publicly, there’s about to be a whole bunch of new laws made in hopefully very little time! Now you know me, obviously fuck the law, many laws are unjust, but sometimes we need some regulations to keep up with the shit that rich Silicon Valley tech bros “put out” while claiming it’s allegedly their own work. These rich bastards are dangerous! Now I’ll pass along the questions that my partner & I jokingly pondered. If something happens that the AI & detection systems doesn’t know how to handle, will us as the passengers be held legally responsible say if a child gets punted into the air by the self driving car & we can’t do anything to stop it? What if we’re asleep assuming the car is safe & it runs over a legally endangered animal? What if we’re on our phones & these self-driving robot cars cleave someone in half? What if it crashes into someone’s private property? Are we held responsible in any of these cases or is the big rich guy’s company? If it’s anything like Tesla, you should get your kids or pets out of the road when you see a Zoox car coming, it could allegedly cause some mortalities. Two more things. What’s stopping someone from hijacking, hacking, or planting a virus on these self-driving taxi services? What if one of them gets hijacked to take someone to a human trafficker meetup spot? Will the company be held responsible at all? The gifs below pretty much summarizes my feelings.
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nemaliwrites · 1 year ago
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outlining is going great
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orion-kenobi · 2 years ago
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Well, I did it, folks! I finished Emergency!
I have so much I want to say about this show. First, I finally understand what people mean when they say they have a comfort show! I affectionately think of it as my Silly Little Show About Paramedics. I loved the characters. I love how it successfully pulled off episodes on the serious side, and lighthearted ones. And—this is absolutely not surprising—I adored Johnny and Roy’s friendship. There’s so much more I could say about this show, and probably will. I was very surprised to see how much content there is here for a show that came out over 50 years ago and look forward to becoming an active part of this fandom :)
It wouldn’t feel right to make a post about emergency! without mentioning michael norell. i hope his loved ones are receiving so much support right now. i teared up reading through the comments on his obituary and seeing how many people were inspired by his performance as captain stanley. i hope he knew how many people he inspired and continues to inspire. i hope everyone involved in the show knows how many people they inspired. this show came out 32 years before i was born and yet it’s become one of my favorites. i’m so happy it’s a part of my life. if you haven’t watch emergency! you absolutely should. and if you have then…watch it again. that’s what i’m doing because i’m not through loving my Silly Little Show About Paramedics just yet.
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kateandosgood · 2 years ago
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I don’t actually know how to use tumblr anymore cos I haven’t used it properly since way back in the early 2010s but every other social media is just too overwhelming so I’m back here. Wanted to start fresh too and also I like that on tumblr you at least don’t have to lay out every single detail of your personal life
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blueish-bird · 9 months ago
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sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive
#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy#been feeling weird as hell these past few months#like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days#or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day#idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this#just thinking#meposting#I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying#I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult#I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad.#whatever#I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that#dissociation#me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though#she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety#and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’#I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time#I’m so solid now#so stuck in the ruts of capitalism#fuck capitalism#I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled#sorry I love talking#and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn?#it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing#I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence.#like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5.#overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names.#can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school#bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude#I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time
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kaiba-cave · 9 months ago
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I’m so paranoid when it comes to my pets. Like my cat has been a bit grumpier than usual lately and I’m like omg what if she’s sick and in pain and just isn’t showing it except in that she’s grumpier?
The only thing there is that with me, she’s fine. Seems no different, she still runs around with crazy zoomies, no different litter habits or accidents, still eating, I can still pick her up and pet her and she doesn’t get mad at me. But my mom used to be the only other person Rhaena liked and now she seems not to. She’ll come out and say hi but my mom used to be able to pick her up and cuddle her and now Rhaena is like, hell no.
So I don’t really think it’s from her being sick, but more like she’s just somehow getting more anti-social even though the amount of people who visit me hasn’t changed. 😔
My landlord’s daughters are coming to visit me tomorrow and I’m going to have to tell them not to bug the cat too much because I know she’ll be mean to them if she comes out at all. ☹️ I already cut her nails just in case but I can’t do anything about her teeth if she decides to bite, lol.
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