#I’d have too many fucking nickels

[murkycran]

Emerging from my cave to shove this here and make fun of this clown for stealing from a YARD SALE of all places and blaming it on depression. 63k people apparently found this idiot “inspiring” lmao.

[hoodie-rabbit]

It looks like they’ve ruined you, friend.

SOUL assassins au belongs to @radiocultist

[crossbackpoke-check]

it’s all the rest of what i want with you

connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k

Summary:

“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”

“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.

in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!

[no-reference-georg]

How do you say "yes I am aware I didn’t understand that but I don’t feel like putting the energy into actually understanding and you trying to explain it is just annoying me further because you are doing a horrible job, so please shut the fuck up and let it go, I don’t need to understand everything" without being rude

[spookyscarycreepydollgirl]

You know I read a Hannigram fic once where Hannibal said he’d eat every part of Will and then sleep in the same bed as his bones. I don’t know how practical sleeping with bones would be but it came off as ghoulishly sentimental in the story.

*whittling your leftover bones into various tools and art pieces*

[helluvapoison]

Lucifer x Imp!Reader

warnings: imp bigotry, heavy topics, lowkey angsty (happy end, i swear)

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

• Secret relationship, baby!

• Let’s get into the hard part first, shall we? The discrimination of Imps isn’t something Lucifer set into motion. They helped him build Hell into what it is today—! Which is… flawed. Fuck, there’s no excuse. Know that he doesn’t condone it and he’s ashamed to admit he allowed it get this far

• That saying “history repeats itself”? Yeah, Hell isn’t immune

• It’s an elephant in the room situation when your and Lucifer’s feelings come into play. Along with the enormous power imbalance. He would never take advantage of that, by the way, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there

• Those issues are in the beginning though. Yes, it takes a lot of time and many painful conversations but now? Undoubtedly worth it

• Lucifer is quite proud of himself for the charade he concocted. You pose as his employee! No one would question it and you could hang around as much as you like! It’s perfect, right?

• “It sounds like a shitty romcom plot.” You snort

Lucifer’s smile is unwavering, eyebrows high on his face as he awaits what he longs to hear.

“But?”

Sighing, you softly return his smile, “It’s perfect.”

• And like a shitty romcom, it is

• Naturally, there’s ups and downs

• For Lucifer, the worst is that he hates keeping you a secret. It’s not that he wants to dish it live with Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench, he’s rather private as is, he’s just so— happy! He wants to show how proud he is to be yours! Unfortunately, that would do more harm for all of Hell. Selfish as his wants might be, he wouldn’t do that. Especially if it meant putting you in danger

• Occasionally he takes you to meetings and events. You try and slip into the background, supporting him from the shadows. Even from the other side of the room, Lucifer’s eyes will find you standing amongst the other Imps. He accidentally ends up ignoring whoever’s trying to rub elbows with the King of Hell

• (Honestly, it’s a miracle no one has found you two out yet. His longing gazes are far from subtle)

• Sometimes those outings don’t end well. A blue blooded dickbag might’ve dumped their drink on you or shoved you because you were “in the way” or berated you in front of everyone. Lucifer sees red and the entire event is cut short via a demonic rage. On a positive note, his publicity goes off the charts! “King of Hell defends his people, no matter the race!”

• (A motherfucking miracle, I tell you)

• Lucifer likes to take care of you when those incidents occur. He feels guilty. For everything. Reassuring him has always easy for you in any other situation. This one just bleeds into something personal. A failure

• So, you let him take care of you. It improves his mood bit by bit. Could be pancakes! No matter the time of day, Lucifer’s go-to are pancakes. (He’ll simply die all over again if you let him feed you too) Could be a bath for the two of you to share, he loves washing you and putting a bubble beard on your face

• Sleepovers can be a tad difficult to pull off but no one disturbs him in the mornings. He loves having you in his arms all night long. Kissing your horns, forehead, eyes, nose and lips— yes, in that order— before wishing you only the sweetest dreams

• Lucifer has a rubber duck that looks uncannily like you sitting on his desk at all times

• Oh! And despite being an Imp, you’re still taller than your beloved short king. It’s slight but he adores the difference

♡ a/n: if i had a nickel for every time a blue blood fell in love with an imp, i’d have /three nickels HAHAHA

[dragonologist-phd]

If I had a nickel for every time I saw “well this canonically bisexual woman was clearly ‘written for straight men’ therefore it’s actually not sexist to hate her and discount her as queer rep” I’d have too many fucking nickels

[apollos-boyfriend]

how many of you thought this. show of hands now

Ohhhhhh captainsparklez had a vasectomy. That's where the you neutered him joke came from. I thought it was some elaborate shlarklez joke bc of how many times he got schlatt pregnant. Or something. This explains much.

i don’t even know how to respond to this. what do i even say to the concept of me having to neuter cjordan because he and schlatt wouldn’t stop fucking like goddamn rabbits

[evolve-rat]

If I had a nickel for every time I watched a gothic tv show and found out the source material had weird incest stuff involving the American protagonist’s blond Euro husband, I’d have two nickels. Which is TOO MANY NICKELS WHAT THE FUCK

[quaggyday]

If I had a nickel for every time I loved a ship between a green haired stoic ace autistic guy who is seen or sees himself as violent but who’s life was completely changed and went on an arc of slowly living freely and making friends, and finding peace in a person to follow by choice

And a free spirited eldritch op, also ace autistic protagonist with a cute companion who saves as many as they can will also being selfish as a character trait, and is secretly a lot more fucked up tragically then anyone realizes with brothers that are doomed by the narrative

AND their qpr coded

I’d have too nickels, which isn’t a lot but weird it happened twice

[s3thwrit3sstuff]

You say you’re a trans guy but you basically write hetero smut and just change the pronouns. Everything you write is fetishy and kinky like holy fuck 😭 just write for fem readers since thats basically what youre doing already or just write the reader with a cock and not make him a bottom every time 🤡🤡🤡

...If I had a nickel for every time someone accuses me of fetishing transmen, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it is weird it’d happened twice.

During pride month too? Whoah.

Anyways. Cool. Yeah. I fetishize transmen because I wanna have filthy queer sex with transmen 24/7. My sincerest apologies.

I don’t know how many times I can say this but:

If you don’t like how I write, or how I portray (Y/N), or how I write smut that has submissive bottom transmasc!reader then simply don’t read my shit. The block button is right there. 🤷‍♂️

[anxietiefling]

if i had a nickel for every time matt has a fucked up, ancient wizard float in the air after casting time stop, wearing a crown of stars and immediately casting horrid wilting or meteor swarm i’d have at least three fucking nickels, matthew. it’s too many nickels!

[danthediamondminecart]

So now that i have learnt that asking u questions will not make u want to brutally murder me, ITS MY TURN AAAHAHHAHAHAH-

Numéro Un : Whats ur main's lore??? The parasite dudeeeeeeeeee >:))))

Numara İki : Who is your least and most fav battler from ALL of RBB (its not the same question i swear!!!!!!!!)

Numero Tatlo : Give the finalists a scent or/and a song.

Numero Cuatro : Will we see more of Lana, Bella and Hoopie?? I needed to ask this for the girliessss (btw from clues left around here and there, im guessing Bella and Steak are shapeshifters???)

Nummer Fünf : KREEK GOT POSSESED BY BILL CIPHER- is the guy ok 😞😞😞💔💔💔 How often will we see TMA x RBB?? Like how many more are u expecting atm???

Numero Sei : This one is abt BLSMP, kinda like mini questions;

Will we see Megan in action of vengeance soon?

Will Pink get his cookie??

Russo.

How long will day 6 and 7 be? Like chapters and chapter lenght????

-. ..- -- -... . .-. / --... : Are you overworking yourself? Yk if you are, just for our entertainment. Stop. Take a breather. Its not worth it <3

HAVE A SMOOTH DAY BYEEEE >:DDDD

bugbo. im sorry i had to 😰😰😞😞😞💔💔💔💔🤯🤯🤯😭😭😭😭👹👹👹🥰🥰🥰

( why am i like this )

Why are there Bin Weevils in my askbox. Anyway, answers to your questions under the cut!!

Question 1: C!YanDan is…something, certainly. He was formed by negative energy generated when a crystal exploded (if you know, you know), and that negative energy cloud possessed a malnourished unused clone in the basement of a laboratory in the woods. He dislikes DanTDM on principle, but like, he’s only met the guy once. These days, he’s just a hitman who gets sent out on slightly more unscrupulous jobs, alongside his friends. You can find his reference, as well as his two friend’s references, here, here and here. There’s also their boss, but I haven’t uploaded him yet.

Question 2: Least favourite, uh, the ones who’ve turned out to be not-nice people behind the scenes, I guess? You know the ones. Favourite is probably Tanqr and Kreek, because I’m basic as fuck. But also, underrated favourites are Hyper, Jackeryz and Calixo. Oh, Think, Preston and BigB are also up there, but I like them for other reasons.

Question 3: I’m going to do songs because I don’t know scents all too well. Some of these I am very certain of, some of these are just flat out vibes.

KreekCraft: The Main Character - Will Wood

Tanqr: Ruthlessness - EPIC: The Musical

DylanHyper: Waiting In The Wings - Tangled: The Series

AshleyTheUnicorn: Get Down - Six: The Musical

PinkLeaf: No More: LongestSoloEver

iBella: Gon’ be real I don’t have a song in mind for Bella. Most of the songs I listen to don’t really fit her.

DenisDaily: Vending Machine of Love: The Stupendium

Question 4: That depends on what universe you’re asking about. Lana and Bella have major roles in the TMA AU, so they’ll likely appear more there! Bella’s also pretty important to some of my other AUs, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Hoopie, meanwhile…I don’t really include her? Mainly because I don’t fukcing know what her and Tanqr have going on. Are they dating? Are they just friends? I don’t know how she fits in. In my take on canon, I have them in a weird situationship where they don’t even know what they are. So…yeah.

Question 4.5: Correct on Bella - she is a shapeshifter! Her knowledge on human anatomy has gotten a lot better, but that accursed Rthro render was the result when she…didn’t. Steak, meanwhile, is just a slab of meat. He doesn’t have bones. He doesn’t have hair. He just has meat slabs carved (and skin) to look vaguely human. (His hair’s texture is either cartilage or leather, I haven’t decided).

Question 5: If I had a nickel for every time Hunt!Kreek was referred to as Bill Cipher, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice, right? In all seriousness, no, he is not okay. The TMA AU (at least, Kreek’s side of it) can basically be summarised by “one man (Kreek) gets haunted by and slowly turns into a fucked up version of his YouTube channel mascot” and with that comes a major sanity slippage. I’d love to release more TMA AU content, and I do have some stored! It just depends on my motivation and what I want to release. Right now I’m working on writing a full plot outline to make my life easier when talking about it, but it’s taking some time.

Question 6: Bold of you to assume she hasn’t already done that. In fact, in the next chapter, I’d say she’s about to do the exact opposite.

Question 6.25: Once Ashley is in a situation where she knows how to make one.

Question 6.5: Russo, what are you doing. RUSSO NO-

Question 6.75: Day 6 has 7 chapters, Day 7 has 6 (planned, subject to change). Word count depends on what happens in them - some of the Day 6 chapters have a LOT GOING ON.

-. . …- . .-. / --. --- -. -. .- / --. .. …- . / -.-- --- ..- / ..- .—. : I think I’m fine!! I’m doing a lot of work right now because I’m gonna be quite busy with life during the next year when things pick up, so you know, getting ahead of the game. I’ve gone from being 2 chapters ahead to being 7, so I’m pretty proud of that. Then again, literally 30 minutes after I read this ask I managed to spill boiling water all over my hand and now I can’t really type, so…there’s that.

[chloepleasestopdying]

If I had a nickel for every time I had to move on short notice because of my sister I’d have two nickels which is too many fucking nickels

[alittlerainandroses]

If I had a nickel for every time someone left the one they so obviously were meant to spend together with, I’D HAVE TOO MANY FUCKING NICKELS

[charcoalhawk]

Stuck in Limbo

My Phantom Truce gift for @berry-berry-blu

I ended up going with your third prompt: Being friends with Danny Fenton is really frustrating when he keeps cracking jokes while bleeding out.

Warnings for; gore, description of wounds, blood

wc: 1066

“…297, 298, 299, 300. Ok, tell me another one Danny.”

“If I had a nickel for every time someone I should have trusted stabbed me in the back, I’d have way too many nickels.”

The rasping laughter that bubbles up from ruptured lungs sends more blood leaking out on her makeshift bandages.

The feeling of blood congealing in her hair and on her clothes has to be one of the most vile sensations in the world. And unfortunately Valerie has grown used to it.

At least most times it’s her own blood, scrapes and scratches from not getting out of the way fast enough. But what happened to Danny? She knows she saw a flash of bone and the edge of a spasming lung before she was able to attempt to treat them.

She remembers the moment she broke into the lab. She hadn’t heard any screams, just following the sinking feeling in her gut after Danny had disappeared following a fight between Phantom and Plasmi- Mr. Masters.

Phantom, strapped down to a metal table covered in wounds, while Mr. Masters loomed over him wielding what looked like a cattle prod. Only when he struck Phantom the electricity dancing around it was red, and with an agonized scream and a flash of white light, the boy of the table transformed from her second worst enemy to one of her best friends.

Her brain had needed precious seconds to make sense of what she was witnessing, but luckily after almost three years of fighting ghosts muscle memory had a blaster out and scorching hole in Mr. Masters shoulder before he could react.

How they got out was a bit of a blur. She knows she got at least two more blasts of at Mr. Masters, but she doesn’t know where they hit. Some part of her hopes that one of them was fatal.

She does remember leaving at least one shattered window as they escaped, and probably a hell of a lot of blood.

The cold autumn air meant that she had a flannel on hand to strip and make rudimentary bandages, and she kept a tiny stock of gauze on her glider so she wouldn’t have to go home after some of the nastier fights.

It still hadn’t been enough to stop blood from leaking out onto them both. Blood, and what she knows is ectoplasm. But trying to process that Danny is Phantom is something that’s going to have to wait until after she can get him stabilized.

At least Danny isn’t freaking out more with the realization that Valerie knows. But, given that both Tucker and Sam have to know, and Jazz given how calm she had been on the phone, at least means she isn’t the first person to find out.

Another shudder from Danny causes a fresh wave of gore to come dribbling out on their chests, and after almost an hour of actively bleeding out Valerie doesn’t know how Danny is still conscious.

“Don’t worry.” Danny seems to almost read her thoughts, or maybe he can tell by the way she holds him that much tighter. “You’ve done enough research into ghosts to know what a Core does right? Ectoplasm can replenish itself at a rate where bleeding out is pretty much impossible. Trust me, Vlad already tried that.”

“Hey,” she’s been so horrified for so long that her voice ends up coming out flat, “we agreed on one morbid joke per five minutes.”

“I still can’t believe you’re counting out the seconds,” Danny’s voice sounds far away, for all that his face remains pressed into the crook of her shoulder and collarbone.

“Hey, if you get to use a fucked up sense of humor to cope, I’m allowed to use this.”

Her phone had died about a half hour into their flight. And Danny’s was crushed or lost somewhere in the last five hours of chaos.

At least she’d been able to call Jazz beforehand. The older girl had promised to have the Fenton’s brought up to speed and ready to help the second they arrived at Fenton Works.

Jazz had trusted her to keep Danny conscious. With all the equipment available to them nothing should be able to stop the Fenton parents from helping their son, but none of that would matter if he died on the way back.

…well, died more than he already was.

Danny’s shuddering breaths rattle her own ribcage, each heave spilling more blood to soak into their clothes. She needs to rebandage them, needs to stitch the gaping wound on his chest and abdomen close.

As panic begins to overwhelm her she forces herself to take a deep breath, feeling Danny’s chest against her’s. Feels the slow, low hum of what she knows is a Core. She’d done what she could. In the moment getting him out of that hellscape of a mansion had been her top priority.

At least without any ghosts chasing her it’s a smooth ride on her glider. But even pushing it to its limit it’s taking them almost two hours to fly back to Amity Park. With the limited space on her glider she can’t get a better angle at Danny’s wounds, and if she tried to rebanage them now they’d have to stop their flight so she could concentrate.

At least flying chest to chest, with one arm wrapped securely around him and his flung over her back is keeping pressure on the wound. Maybe riding piggyback would have been more efficient, but then she wouldn’t have been able to see him, and she needed at least one hand free in case something came after them.

She can feel Danny’s legs begin to shake every ten minutes or so. Every time she reaches for that little bit of hope hiding in her chest, and every time she feels Danny take a deep, wet breath and the shaking subsides.

For now.

Everyone in Amity knows about the one sided feud between the Fenton parents and Phantom. She’s heard them vent about wanting to dissect Phantom molecule by molecule.

Hopefully they’ve changed in the last three years like she has, if nothing else Jazz can still help.

There’s nothing else to do but keep flying home. When they arrive at Fenton works they’ll either be treated with an ecto-weapon or with bandages.

She just hopes she’s making the right choice.