#I’d die for Dr Wilson I’m not even kidding

[immeya]

I’m mildly obsessed with this show

[banneriscarried]

It gets a little weird because the timeline is so fucked up, but in the OG Timeline (the one with the Merc Without A Mouth) Gambit existed and he helped Logan out in 1979, but we never really hear about him again.

Things get weird because of Days of Future Past, though, because the time travel and changes made means that specific version of Gambit didn’t help Logan out because Logan went through a whole different saga with the Weapon X Program.

Under normal circumstances, I’d say that means that Gambit still exists as is in that universe, he just never met any of the X-Men and stayed in New Orleans where he could gamble freely in his him territory. However, under that logic, there would also be two Wade Wilsons with the potential to become Deadpool, one who fought with Logan on a special forces team during the Vietnam War, and one born in 1975 who became the Deadpool of the Deadpool movieverse, both played by Ryan Reynolds. The second Deadpool (our Deadpool) exists in the post Days of Future Past universe, meaning that, somehow, that instance of time travel wiped out the existence of the previous Wade Wilson who was set to become Deadpool to make way for a different Wade Wilson (born post Days of Future Past timeline fuckery) that was set to become Deadpool.

If that’s the logic of how things are in this universe, then it’s very possible that Gambit might just. Have ceased to exist? Because he was no longer important to the plot??

I’m putting my TL;DR here because my conclusion is the same at this point as it is after bringing Logan into the mix.

TL;DR: fuck the timeline. Fuck whatever bullshit timeline the movies are trying to sell you, they’re lying to you. Write with your heart and ignore that shit otherwise it’ll keep you up at night. Let whoever you want to write about live and kill off or write out whoever you don’t want to deal with. Bring out characters from the comics who don’t even get a mention in the movies. Do you, and please, I beg of you, don’t try to make sense of the godforsaken clusterfuck of a timeline the X-Men movieverse has. It was fucked the moment Deadpool got involved.

Spoilers for Logan if you haven’t seen that one yet

Also, technically Charles doesn’t die until 2029, like Logan, but in Deadpool & Wolverine, they’re both dead?

In general, by 2029, most natural (born not made) mutants are supposed to either be dead or so deep in hiding that the general public is no longer aware of them, and no mutants have been born since 2004 because they put chemicals in the water that sterilized, attacked, and neutralized the X-gene before putting more chemicals in the water to kill mutants. They also notably put mutant neutralizing/killing chemicals in foods, specifically breakfast cereal (it’s why Logan’s struggling so much in Logan). However, whether or not this is a thing that’s currently happening in the Deadpool movies isn’t quite clear. It’s supposed to be the same timeline where that all started happening prior to 2004, and the youngest mutant kids do seem like they were born at that time, but pre-existing mutants seem to be doing just fine?

Because of the time discrepancy between Deadpool & Wolverine and Logan, we’re left to assume that, despite Days of Future Past occurring in 2024 (and 1973), Logan occurred prior to 2024 (despite occurring in 2029), and presumably prior to 2018(?) because that’s when Deadpool starts referencing the events of Logan (Wade could just be able to see through time, though). It would at least have to be long enough before 2024 for Logan’s corpse to have completed skeletonization, considering the climate of North Dakota, a few months probably? So he theoretically would’ve died in 2023.

Regardless of how long before 2024 Logan took place, if you’re following that timeline of events, then all mutants should be dead. Or at least most of them. A lot of them. The school’s gone.

Maybe Dark Phoenix explains it? I still haven’t finished that one. I know it has some parts that take place in the 21st century, but I was completely X-Mened out at that point. I doubt it will though.

Thinking about writing something where (worst) wolverine and Wade decide to visit the mansion and since this Logan is from a different timeline I wanted to do a thing where he's like trying to piece together who all is there from his timelines team.

So far, I have Scott, Hank, Jubilee, Rouge, morph and Forge

Im talking about Wades movieverse timeline, btw. And yeah, Charles is dead. I haven't been able to watch all of the Xmen movies yet, so I have no clue who's technically alive or not.

If someone who just watched all of the xmen COUGH COUGH could tell me who is technically alive still, that would be great.

[bagadew]

The Great Ace Attorney Playthrough: The Adventure of the Unbreakable Speckled Band (Part 1)

Last Time: With a little help from Susato, the lady in pink, we discovered that Miss Brett poisoned Dr Wilson with Curare, a fast acting poison that’s only effective when introduced into the blood stream. In a last ditch attempt to avoid justice, Miss Brett destroyed the evidence right in front of the court, but fortunately my man Hosonaga was on hand with new evidence he’d taken from the crime scene, meaning that all we had to do was catch the thief of a rare golden coin, and tie Miss Brett up with her own words! At last I (Ryunosuke) was acquitted!

...only to find out in the lobby that Miss Brett has managed to privilege her way out of any consequences and was gone like smoke in the wind. (Also Kazuma used his sword in a way I found very hot, and I think I’ve accidentally doomed him to death or moral corruption.)

I’m 90% sure The Speckled Band is a Sherlock Holmes case, and I’m 49% sure it’s one of the ones I’ve read. I’m guessing this is where we’ll meet The Great Himbo Detective Herlock Sholmes then!

Well I guess that answers that then.

(And yes, I have read this one)

HERLOCK!

And he’s voiced by Professor Layton maybe???

Ooh, this seems like a Study in Scarlet, are we doing a Study in Scarlet guys?

Herlock has a magic gun!?!

Also I’m not digging this Japanese scripture and talk of it being penned by ‘the victim himself’. Kazuma what did I tell you about leaving my sight?

Wait... I could have sworn I just saw Hosonaga dressed as a sailor...

Oh balls, am I about to be accused of murder again?

Honestly I can’t take you anywhere Ryunosuke

Well Ryunosuke, you remember how you went to a lovely restaurant and got arrested for a murder you didn’t commit?

Well, it’s just like that but substitute restaurant for ship.

Also I’m not liking how little I’ve seen of Kazuma...

Ryunosuke we really need to have a talk about you just saying what people want to hear.

ITS FUCKING KAZUMA ISN’T IT?!

:(

Nononononononono

I knew this was coming, you knew this was coming, Ace Attorney law dictated it was coming as soon as it set Kazuma up as both my mentor and best friend.

But even so, I thought they were just empty threats! I didn’t think they’d actually follow through! Or that we might at least enjoy Herlock Sholmes ad his magic gun together first.

I realise I’m stalling here, but maybe if I just don’t click I’ll not have to see his body.

Sailor Man, I understand that you’re very upset, we all are, but I need you to understand that I’m grieving here.

The man I love took one look at the morally compromised shits I’m normally into and decided he’d rather die than join them! And yes I know I’m still stalling and not taking this as seriously as I should because I still don’t believe it!

See, me and Ryunosuke are on the same page!

I didn’t Susato, but the problem is that you and I have only just met and I’m not very convincing!

:(

Kazuma you legend! I refuse to believe you are dead until I see your corpse.

Now Ryunosuke’s all: I can’t believe they tossed your case around that much. I thought I was going to die.

And Kazuma’s telling me he’s just amazed I fitted inside his trunk in the first place.

Kazuma you can’t be gone! Who else will condescendingly tell me to go to France and ask rather than translate a French label for me?

Now Kazuma’s telling me (Ryunosuke) that I’m going to have to live in his cabin for the next 50 days.

Also we’ve got to keep this from Susato because we’re breaking the law and Kazuma doesn’t want us to take her down with us.

Lol, every day I get shoved into the wardrobe by an uncaring Kazuma!

Oh, that’s what the message said!

God knows what the steward thought Kazuma was keeping in his wardrobe though

:(

See Ryunosuke, this is why we think before we speak.

I don’t envy the real killer when Susato gets hold of them.

From what I can find out it’s a locked room mystery, and the cause of death is still undetermined, so I’m guessing something like poison then rather than an obvious thing, like being stabbed with his big sword.

On one hand, I really hope it wasn’t something like Curare, because I don’t want Kazuma to have gone out like that, but on the other hand poison would explain why the killer didn’t need to be in the room when he died and why Kazuma didn’t strike them down with said big sword.

Ok, so Kazuma, legend that he was, got up every day at the crack of dawn to do sword training. And Susato, who I’m begging to suspect is incredibly hardcore, go up before him so she could go and wait for him outside.

Now that’s interesting.

The two of them seem like they were pretty close, so there’s a good chance it’s just that she’s so familiar with Kazuma’s habits that she can tell the second something’s off, or it could be that there’s some other reason we need to work out.

If that’s correct that means Kazuma was killed in the small hours of the morning.

You know up ‘til now I’ve been assuming Ryunosuke was knocked out or something, and that’s why he was unconscious in the wardrobe, but now I’m starting to think he might have just been sleeping in there.

:((

Wait why’d Kazuma write in Russian?

Like I’d buy that he might know it, but I don’t buy that’s it’s what he’d write in in his finger moments.

Well that proves my innocence then, all we need to do is get some witnesses to verify the ‘go to France and ask’ moment from the last case

Oh ok, I didn’t manage to screenshot it, but it seems that I (Ryunosuke) didn’t put myself in the wardrobe. That’s very odd.

I can see a vent up there, so maybe someone gassed us and then got in while we were asleep and set up the crime scene.

Kazuma said I should come, next question

Ryunosuke, with some of the words that come out of your mouth I don’t think you should be throwing stones.

Love?

Apparently not.

This is going to be something ominous isn’t it...

I’m starting to feel like Kazuma knew he’d never see England.

Kazuma how many toes did you tread on?

Oh fucking hell!

You can’t die and be heading down a dark moral path, that’s not fair!

Yeah, I want to know that too.

Ah

So my poison/drugging theory seems to be holding up. Apparently Kazuma bought me something to eat, I climbed into the hiding wardrobe, and then it’s lights out from there.

Given that I didn’t wake up when Kazuma was killed I’m going to say that also back that theory up. Even if it was silent I feel like Ryunosuke would have woken up if someone was going round the cabin knocking ink bottles over and killing Kazuma.

No, don’t blame yourself Ryunosuke!

It’s my fault really, if I was going to  find Kazuma hot I should have made sure I could manifest inside my switch and protect him!

Ah, of course! Isn’t her dad a professor of pathology? And she seems like the sort of person who picks things up pretty quickly!

In other words, if this is a poisoning, she could be the perfect person to be partnered up with.

:(((

Susato is fully prepared to kick our ass if we try and leave, and as the woman who got up before Kazuma, I think we should listen to her.

:(((((

I say we team up as an investigative duo and catch this bastard!

Yeah!

SHE FUCKED US UP!!!

Susato didn’t come here to play! Especially when we might have killed Kazuma!

(Editors note: this isn’t a bad screenshot, Susato genuinely made Ryunosuke’s vision go blurry)

I know we need to investigate, but my god this woman’s got a fist to match her convictions.

You know when I first met Susato I was a bit afraid she was going to be the inverse of Maya to the point of being meek and shy.

Now I see what a fool I was.

Susato might be prepared to politely follow the rules, but woe betide you if you break them.

She’s even named it!

Again I know this is bad for us but GO SUSATO!

(God damn it you can’t all be my favourite characters)

Her own special martial arts form Ryunosuke!

And just like that she regathers her composure and carries on as if nothing had happened!

I like how she’s still just standing over me.

Ok Ryunosuke let’s go!

(Seriously though we don’t want her as an enemy)

Ah of course, Kazuma stuck the seal on the wardrobe, and the fact Herlock Sholmes (the himbo detective) had to pull it off means I didn’t leave!

No one respects poor Ryunosuke...

So it seems that Susato doesn’t believe we’re innocent just yet, but as we’ve presented the possibility of doubt before her she will let us investigate this room.

Given the buck wild nature of the last trial she was involved in, I honestly can’t blame her for not ruling this possibility out. After all if this was something a witness in a trial had said I’d be thinking the same thing.

Susato’s going to be watching us to make sure we don’t disturb the crime scene, which again is fair.

I’ve got to say, I’m really digging Susato’s cautiously suspicious and sensible nature. It feels like a good counterbalance to Ryunosuke’s beautiful but naïve outlook on life.

I bet if Susato had stowed away onboard a ship you wouldn’t catch her immediately confessing as soon as a sailor started to press her.

Who am I kidding, Susato would never have got into this situation in the first place.

*sob*

Ok so far we’ve got:

A) Half a pink kimono fastener on the floor next to a brick red mark

B) One disturbed table, with the remains of our roast chicken dinner on the floor

C) The terrible knowledge that Kazuma spent his last night on earth hungry because he didn’t like chicken

D) Kazuma’s precious katana, that he loved dearly and that he’d apparently managed to persuade the government to let him bring to the UK.

Oh yeah, drive the knife in why don’t you game!

Why do I feel like Ryunosuke’s about to get roasted?

There we go.

(It’s what Kazuma would have wanted)

DON’T JUST GO WITH IT RYUNOSUKE!

Back to investigating, we’ve got a ransacked shelf, and Kazuma’s London diary.

Just, you know, to rip my heart out...

It looks like the final entry’s incomplete, which means Kazuma was probably writing it when the incident happened. Unfortunately Susato is violently insistent that we respect the Kazuma’s private thoughts after his death, so we can’t read it.

We’ve got the inky Russian(?) on the floor which none of us can either recognize, nor read (including me)

(Sorry to any Russians reading this by the way, I can only assume you’re screaming that this isn’t Russian, but I’m just going by what the Great Himbo Detective said in the cut scene.)

Ok, so the sailor who’s been guarding us got very flustered when we asked if everything was normal last night, meaning that either he’s been skiving off, or everything was in fact not normal last night.

Oh sweet, it seems that Ryunosuke and Susato both read detective novels, and while we’ve shot down the possibility of using the needle and thread trick to unbolt the door from the outside (side note: I must remember to try that later), I feel like both they, and the player who immediately started trying to rattle off facts about Curare, have had a bonding moment.

Ok, I think that’s this half of the room done, let’s go and check out that vent I saw earlier.

So the vent connects to the room next door. That means if the grate could be moved we have a way in and out of our crime scene!

HERLOCK SHOLMES!!!

I mean, he’s quite hard to miss Ryunosuke

(I think Ryunosuke might have an Apollo complex short)

Understatement of the century

Her and me both Ryunosuke, it’s The Great Himbo Detective!!!

WE’RE TALKING TO HIM!

AND HE’S BLANKING US!!!

Herlock Sholmes I understand that you’re in a critical point of your investigation, but you need to understand that Ryunosuke, Susato and I are sad and need to see your magic gun.

YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!!

IT’S LIKE HE HEARD ME!!!

OH GREAT HIMBO DETECTIVE CHEER ME WITH YOUR WITH YOUR ECCENTRIC ACTS THAT ARE RELATABLE TO MY AUTISTIC ASS!!!

OMFG HE’S SO INCREDIBLY WRONG!!!

I hope this is the way all of his deductions go from now on.

Also I’m sorry Russia and the Russian language, I should not have believed what the man, who on reflection was sold to me as the great himbo detective, said.

Susato’s buying it!

Susato look into my eyes and tell me Ryunosuke could ever make it as a soldier.

No, please do!

And the bullet flies a mile wide!

I’m still upset about Kazuma, but I’m somehow also having the time of my life

SUSATO YOU KNOW I’M FROM JAPAN!!!

SHE TOOK ME OUT!!!

AND MY GOD AM I HERE FOR IT!!!

Ryunosuke’s finally snapped!

What I find amazing is that the Sherlock Holmes Herlock Sholmes stories clearly exist, basically unchanged in this world. So either Dr Watson Wilson was either lying through his teeth to spare his friend’s feelings, or he is the stopped clock is right twice a day person who Herlock actually hit the nail on the head for, and therefore he believed everything that was said.

‘On rout to foreign climates’ that’s how ships work Herlock!

Exactly!

I’ll say one thing for Herlock though, you can’t beat him down!

How am I both Ryunosuke and Susato in this scene?

Yeah Naruhodo-san! I thought you read detective stories!

Quick Susato! Get him to sign a copy!

Um... has no one told him yet...

I’m also curious about the fact that he still believes Dr Wilson’s in London. Either there are two Dr Wilson’s, or something weird is going on here.

Look at his hat Ryunosuke, it contains all the information you need

He got his own name wrong!

Hosonaga, I don’t know if you can hear from wherever you are on this ship dressed as a sailor, but there is a fight and you are rapidly losing!

(Also to be fair to Herlock, as someone who’s been playing a lot of Hitman recently, looking inside the wardrobe already means he’s doing a lot better than literally every character in that game.)

Ok so it was Russian then and I no longer have to apologies!

Do you think Herlock has ever been to Russia?

Ok Mr ‘is this cow a cat?’

:(((((((

HERLOCK THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME!!!

Ok everyone, we’re also on the lookout for a missing Russian Ballerina along with Kazuma’s killer. I don’t know how, but I wouldn’t have been told about her if she wasn’t relevant

I can’t believe we’ve finally found the vindictive part of Ryunosuke’s beautiful personality!

We’re finally reading Kazuma’s diary!

Oh fuck, Kazuma was bitten by an adder

Wait, if that was the case why didn’t he dispatch it with his big sword? We’ve seen him do precision work before, so that can’t be it.

Either way, I think we really need to talk to the person in the room next to mine.

Also: Herlock Sholmes gets seasick!

Did she just break my cuffs?

My mistake she’s just showing some tough love to get me to buck up!

Let’s go team!

HOSONAGA!!!

“What are you doing here?” “I think that should be my line” This feels like that meme of the two Spidermen pointing at each other

I wouldn’t be so sure Susato. Hosonaga seems a lot like me, a bunch of disabilities held together by sheer force of will.

He still has a job!

(Or his superiors are just trying to send him as far away from Japan as they can)

HELL YEAH HOSONAGA, LETS PUNCH THE RULES UNTIL THEY SQUEAK!

(Also your superiors are definitely trying to ship you out)

Oh...

That would explain Kazuma’s whole vibe.

Although something about this feels wrong. No disrespect to Hosonaga, but as determined as he is he doesn’t exactly have the physical prowess you’d associate with stopping an assassination. I know I haven’t exactly seen him at work yet, but something about this feels like he was set up to fail.

Now the thing is, that while he can cut it as a waiter, Hosonaga isn’t exactly built to fit in among sailors. It’s not going to take a genius therefore, to work out who Kazuma’s guard is, especially if he’s been around Kazuma from dawn till dusk. That’s probably why his killer had to kill him in his cabin, and it’s also why they probably drugged his food (which means they didn’t know him enough to know he didn’t like chicken)

:(((((((((((((

On the plus side though, it looks as though Hosonaga believes in my innocence.

Come on Hosonaga, remember when you bought Miss Brett to us!

Hell yeah Hosonaga!

Hosonaga heard my call! He heard that he was losing his place as my second favourite character and came back swinging!!!

Determination Ryunosuke!

Also probably hacking up a lot of blood, that does wonders to unnerve people in my experience

Now, I should present Kazuma’s diary here... but...

Yes, everything is as it should be...

He’s digging it!

Oh no he took it as an insult!

Sorry Ryunosuke, that’s the crime scene thief’s now

Ok let’s do this properly then

Yeah boy!

LETS DO THIS TEAM!!!

Ryunosuke, do you remember nothing about this man?

Hosonaga didn’t come here to play!

Ok, we’re moving on out (except not right now because I’ve still got a couple of things to look at before we go)

I think Ryunosuke might be a bad influence on Susato...

Also I feel like I’ve pegged Susato wrong regarding the rules. Susato’s just very good at keeping up the appearance of following them.

Come to think of it, the fact she’s a judicial assistant, despite women apparently not being allowed in the Japanese court other than to testify should have clued me in.

Susato Mikotoba: Breaking the rules in front of you, but in a way you don’t notice

(Also the bell pull’s not working, but I think we all expected that)

Susato I’ve been living in a cupboard!

Don’t pity me!

Ok, so I’m not quite sure when Ryunosuke and I started thinking as one, but we’ve all agreed it’s happening now

Ryunosuke do not get caught in the mousetrap!

Susato can see right through me (Ryunosuke)

Umm...

This is the Phoenix Maya dynamic inverted, and I am living for it.

Susato: Now this is an emergency button, it’s very important you do NOT press it!

Ryunosuke: *lunges for the trigger*

It feels amazing being the wayward partner!

Our rout into cabin 2’s blocked by approximately 1 ton of sailor, so for now Susato and I will have to dick around avenge Kazuma out here in the corridor.

It seems that last night’s log is mostly blank, so I’m guessing I was right about the sailor on duty skiving off.

Hmm, so the person in the next cabin’s probably quite important then. Given what just happened with Miss Brett that’s not a good sign.

And it seems like I’m not allowed to visit whoever it is without an invitation... which might prove tricky given as how there in there and I’m out here

Ah good, a Western Gentleman, that’s just what we need!

Hmmmmm

These guys left their post for a while didn’t they?

Either that or there’s something (or someone) they’re keeping off the records.

This might be a bit of a wide shot, but that mousetrap makes me wonder if the crew has some sort of secret pet squirrelled away somewhere. It doesn’t entirely add up what with them putting traps down, but with everyone in Ace Attorney having something to hide it’s all I can think of now.

Bif Strogenov’s left to report to the captain, nows our window to violate some privacy!

HERLOCK SHOLMES!!!

Shot down!

Herlock that thing’s tiny, I don’t think anyone’s in there!

It moved!

Guess I’m eating my words!

Herlock???

Ok, we’re not allowed to look inside the case, or indeed anything, but fortunately we have HERLOCK SHOLMES THE GREAT HIMBO DETECTIVE!!!

Deduce away Herlock!

Herlock... are you about to tell this man that he’s also the Russian Assasin? Are you going to do this round the whole ship until you get it right?

Wait this is working!?!

Herlock Sholmes is Susato’s one blind spot and Ryunosuke’s one point of clarity

CHOOCHOO!!!

THIS IS AMAZING!

He’s not entirely right though...

(Editors note: I completely managed to miss capturing 90% of the ? icons)

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

HERLOCK LOOK AT THIS MAN’S NOSE, LOOK AT MY FACE! NOW LOOK AT THE MAN IN THE PORTRAIT!

However, the newspaper in his pocket and the little ! icon seems to suggest there’s some connection there.

(Editors note: I also managed to miss every ! icon)

And there is a crime being committed, but it’s not to do with the case.

Yeah, it probably just contains one of those pets we’re not supposed to have.

So... a baby?

So do a lot of people Susato

Ok, so The Great Himbo Detective is actually really good at making observations, it’s just how he applies them that’s shit.

I wonder if this is what Dr Wilson did for their partnership, but he just cut out the bits where he said things like: Herlock these people have completely different faces, maybe there’s a different reason they’ve got the paper?

Ryunosuke normally: The fact Hosonaga’s working in this restaurant clearly means he’s struggling financially!

Ryunosuke around Herlock: You can’t just say the first guess that pops into your head!

HERLOCK BUSTED US OUT!!!

(Ok he’s also the reason we were in handcuffs, but still)

Olay!

What! Noooooo!

‘Course Correction: Hold it Mr Sholmes!’ What a title!

Important news just in: Ryunosuke can’t grow a beard

A part of me says that he was about to use the sheers to cut up that paper, but there are obviously other copies around the ship, so unless he’s planning a sheers rampage that can’t be right.

Hello!

Wait a second... with that reaction to the paper... is there a Russian Ballerina in there?

WE DID THE HERLOCK SHOLMES COOL SPIN AND CLICK!!!

Also look at Ryunosuke’s little cocky smirk!

He’s really getting into this!

And I couldn’t be more proud!

We’re tag teaming it!

Herlock I swear to god if you tell me she’s that assassin

WHAT DID I JUST SAY!

(Editors note: Got that one!)

I sure am Susato!

Keep telling yourself that Ryunosuke, we can all see the truth

Ah, so the nose was fake too

That makes a lot more sense now!

Well she did disappear with a priceless tiara

He said, rubbing his hand in glee

This is definitely the start of a beautiful friendship!

Damn straight I do!

Bingo

For some reason I pictured it as being pink though, I don’t know why

Anyway so, while Nikolina does need money it seems that she didn’t steal the tiara. Apparently it was given to her as a present.

Also Nikolina is only 15, and has run away by herself for reasons currently unknown. I’m starting to get the feeling that the crew (or at least the two we’ve met) might have been looking out for her.

Oh yeah, the moving travel case!

Given the rules regarding pets, I wonder if that’s what’s in there? It would explain the attitude of the sailors we met.

Is it the Russian Revolutionary Herlock? You have to tell us if it is...

He’s learning!

Yep, she’s looking at the pet rule sign, now show me the pet!

Whoooooooo!

Yeah, I’m pretty sure the guys on the door were covering for her (and probably her pet too)

Hmm, so Nikolina’s running from someone, so she decided to disguise herself to be safe and has been a jumble of nerve ever since.

Can I see...

Bless you Nikolina, but you’re not the best at keeping secrets. I’m pretty sure the crew have collectively decided to just look the other way and let the traumatised 15 year old have her pet.

HE CUFFED ME AGIAN!!!

I wonder if Nikolina’s beloved pet’s a snake?

Can I just...

:(

Fine...

No, everyone must see my badge!

HA!

:(

:D

Ok now let’s go back to actually playing the game!

So, because she’s a jumble of nerves, Nikolina hasn’t been noticing much about what’s been happening around her. However I think she’d have probably noticed signs of danger, like loud noises, so I’m a little curious as to why she didn’t pick up on the sound of the tableware being sent to the floor.

From what I can gather about her ‘never dancing again’ whatever happened probably has something to do with the ballet.

Either that or she’s worried about being linked with her old life if she goes back on the scene under another name.

That’s a good point actually, while people are funny and I can get her wanting a memento of her life, that’s an incredibly distinctive memento to have.

It must have some sort of emotional significance, I think she said it was given to her by an Earl, so maybe her father?

Hmm, that’s a pretty distinctive thing to try and pawn Nikolina.

Yikes! So the Novavich Ballet’s got really unethical working conditions. (Which probably shouldn’t be too much of a shock given the time period.) Now I understand why Nikolina’s so keen to never put herself in that situation again.

Yeah, I thought that was the case.

Huh?

Oh yeah... that is odd

Ah, so that’s why everyone was so on edge!

Right...

(I feel like this would carry more weight if we hadn’t just been flashing our badge at anyone who looks our way)

Now onto the most important question:

HERLOCK NO!

Susato is me (but personally I’m hoping for a kitten)

Ok Genius, what sort of animal is it?

I’ll eat your funky hat if that’s true Herlock

Important information 2: Never trust Herlock with a pet

Please let it be that we were Kazuma’s pet

Wait no, I’m an idiot. I’m obviously supposed to ask about the speckled band

Wow she changed quick!

She’s leaving to talk to the captain, is this our chance to meet her friend!?!

Booooo, we’ve been chucked out!!!

[jobrookekarev]

He's Wrapped Around Her Finger

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 3500

Summary: While Jo’s sleeping Alex gets to know his newborn daughter and settles into the role of Dad.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Helena Karev, and Meredith Grey.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Babies, Baby Care, Fluff, It’s so fluffy I'm going to die, Alex being a Dad, Alex and Jo being smitten with their daughter, Blood Mentioned.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: 3 fanfics in a week who is she! Also I had to Google what color the indicator line on diapers were because I remembered it was yellow at the start, but I didn't remember what color it would turn when it was wet so that how long it’s been since I changed a diaper.

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“Helena Meredith Karev born on November 26th at 5:36 am at 21 inches long and weighing at 8 lb 15 oz., just 1 oz short of 9 lb,” Alex announced as he spoke to Meredith on the phone.

“1 oz. short of 9 lb wow,” Meredith said in astonishment. “How's Jo recovering?”

“She's doing good. She and the baby are asleep right now.”

Alex looks over at the bassinet that was parked next to Jo's bed. Jo slept on her side with one hand in the bassinet on their daughter's chest. Jo’s abandonment issues had come up earlier and Alex noticed she was having a hard time letting Helena out of her sight. Her hand on Helena's chest in the bassinet was how Jo maintained contact with her daughter while getting some much needed rest.

“Good, now promise me you'll never tell Jo that her daughter almost weighed 9 lb. at birth,” Meredith insisted with a little laugh.

“What? Why not?” Alex said confused as he looked over the little note card posted on  Helena's bassinet that listed her weight and other details. “Jo knows how much she weighs.”

“Yeah, Jo knows Helena weighs 8 lb. and 15 oz., but when you say she almost weighs 9 lb it isn’t the same thing. Thinking of your baby as 8 lb vs 9 lb is different. No woman likes to be remembered how big their baby was and how hard it was to push them out unless you want Helena to be an only child.”

“Okay, I promise to say she weighs 8 lb. and 14oz. whenever Jo asks,” Alex said rolling his eyes at Meredith as he watched Jo shift in her sleep so her legs were more apart.

Watching Jo be in excruciating amounts of pain as she labored was hard for him, but he pushed it aside to be there to support his wife. Jo’s pain was to the point of which she was completely out of it, just going through the motions as she pushed their daughter into the world. Alex had watched quite a few women give birth, but it was different because it was Jo. He loved her and he hated seeing her in pain knowing that he had partially caused it. 

When they had discussed having kids, Alex knew it would include a painful labor and that it would be hard on Jo and her body. Despite her training as an OB and numerous birth classes they had gone to, Jo didn't realize she was in labor until she was in active labor and they had to rush to the hospital. Alex knew that because of this experience Jo may not want to get pregnant again. If that was her decision, he would abide by it. Alex was happy because he was so absolutely content with the little girl in front of him. 

“Congratulations, Alex,” Meredith said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“You said that already,” Alex said although he didn't mind hearing it again.

“Yeah well, I'm going to say it again. Have you texted Cristina yet?”

“No, not yet and we haven't talked to too many people, apart from the video call earlier, I’ve just talked to you and my mom. It's hard to find the time. I just keep staring at her, and thank you Meredith for everything.”

“You mean for waking you up so you didn't miss your wife's labor, you're welcome.”

“Yeah that especially,” Alex said as he couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered the chaotic events of that morning. “I'll talk to you later, bye”

“Bye.” 

Alex put away his phone and settled into the uncomfortable chair next to Jo’s bed. He thought that they'd make these chairs more comfortable considering that most second parents and family members usually ended up spending the night there, but apparently not. He would have to check the budget and see if they could upgrade the chairs. Despite how he was no longer the chief of surgery, Alex learned a lot, and he still occasionally found himself reverting to taking care of the business side of the hospital. Alex shuffled around trying to get comfortable but clearly, he was not sleeping in this chair that afternoon.

Alex watched over his girl. He smiled at the thought, his girls, he had a daughter. He had a child of his own and oh how he was in love with her. Helena squealed in the bassinet throwing her arms around and Alex was up in an instant. Her tiny face squished even further as she let out a single cry. Jo stirred next to her and he felt like he was in the middle of a complicated surgery. 

Alex was quick to slip his hand under Helena as he took Jo's hand and put it next to her. He was cautious so as not to wake his sleeping wife and let her get the rest she deserved while also soothing their newborn. As soon as he put down Jo's hand and moved to cradle Helena, he stopped for a moment. Jo sighed but didn't move or wake up and he looked down at Helena who cried out again. Helena spread out her arms and continued to fuss. After a certain number of years, soothing babies became instinctual and Alex started to sway and shush. 

“Shh, Shh, it's okay, Daddy's got you.” Alex smiled down at her as she stopped fussing and opened her eyes to look up at him.

Helena studied him for a moment, staring into his soul in the way only a baby could before she decided this wasn't what she wanted, and cried out again in that little uh fussy cry. 

“Okay, okay,” Alex said, he looked back to the chair before he sat down and laid Helena on his knees. He undid the blanket intending to redo it into a proper swaddle. “Oh, I see what it is.” 

Alex saw the full diaper and the blue line that indicated she had her first wet diaper. He was weirdly proud about it especially as it meant that her kidneys were functioning well and she was hydrated. “Okay, give me a second.”

Alex cradled her close to his chest as he got up and walked over to the drawers where they kept wipes and diapers. He got the supplies and went over to the changing table in the bathroom. He propped the door open in case Jo woke up as he didn't want her to panic when they were gone and got the changing table open.

“You know, I promised your mom I’d do all of these diaper changes since she carried you for nine months, basically built you from scratch, and just now endured quite a few hours of labor with you. She wanted an epidural you know, but she didn’t realize she was in labor. You gotta remind me to tease her about that later, but not until after her stitches heal, and you were eager to get here too huh?” Alex said to Helena as she continued to fuss a little bit more as he quickly changed her and got her settled in a fresh diaper. 

Alex staring down at her as he pulled down the onesie Jo had put on her. He knew Jo like the ‘little turkey’ onesie, but it had buttons and buttons were always a struggle, even for a seasoned Ped’s doctor like he was. Alex resisted the urge to grab the other baby gown or even the one with the zippers as he finally did the last button. 

“There we go, are we happy now?” Alex asked, Helena looked around and was content and wiggled around. He wrapped her up into a proper swaddle before he picked her up again, but she looked up at him and then cried out again, still not happy. “I know, I am not-mom right now aren't I.”

Alex quietly talked to her as he settled her in his arms and walked back into the room. He sat down in the recliner and started to rock back and forth. “I'm not-Mom. I'm not what you want, I know, we don't know each other yet, although you might recognize my voice. I've read you lots of stories while you were still in your mommy's belly. I even did a little bit of singing too, but don't tell anyone around here that.” 

Alex settled into the movement of the chair as he looked down at Helena. She had stopped fussing and stared up at him again, seeming to take him in as she listened to his voice and he took that as a cue to continue. 

“I guess now would be the proper time for an introduction. I'm your dad, most people call me Alex or Dr. Karev around here at the hospital. Your mom calls me Alex too, but she drags it out a little in a way that's pretty adorable. Your Aunt Cristina is going to call me Evil Spawn and your Auntie Mare might do it too. You've met her already, although you probably didn't notice. She was on the video called when you were born, but I remember how you and your mom only had eyes for each other. Your mom and I, we don't have a big bio family, but we do have lots of friends and they're our family. They all love you so much already, especially your cousin Ellis.”

Alex rambled off to her as Helena just watched him, and he took in his daughter. He never really saw familiar features in newborns. They always just looked similar, like babies and not much else. The features really didn’t come in until they were a little older and then you could say they look like one parent or the other. Yet, as Alex looked down at Helena he saw his chin and his crooked lips in the way that she frowned as she cried. She looked like Jo too, she had Jo’s cute little cheeks and her eyes. Although she looked like an even mix of them now, he could tell that she was going to be a little tiny Jo running around their house. They joked about how they'd never be able to say no to their kid, and Alex knew that with just one look from Helena and he would melt like snow in the sun. His daughter would always be the bright spot in his day.

Helena's eyes started to droop, but she would occasionally blink them open. As if she was fighting sleep as much as Jo did. “You are already so much like your mother. She does that same thing too, you know. When we watch movies on the couch with Reese's, you haven't met him yet and he just knows you as the thing that keeps him from sitting on Mommy's lap. It might be a while before you two become friends, but you’ll like him too.” 

Alex rocked her as she fell asleep in his arms and it made him feel some weird sense of accomplishment because his kid fell asleep in his arms. He knew from experience that getting a baby back to sleep was no easy feat. He continued to hold her, not ready to put her back down again. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be ready to put her down and he knew why Jo was hesitant to do so as well. He just sat there and rocked his daughter and held her and patted her back. 

“Anyway, Saturday nights are movie nights and your Mommy always curls up in my lap and puts her head on my chest. She always says she'll stay up and watch the whole movie,” Alex said as he leaned closer to whisper to Helena. “But she never does.”

“That's not true,” Jo whispered and Alex looked up to see her smile from where she was curled up in bed. 

She must have been watching them for a little while and he smiled back at her. A sense of relief filled his mind as she had woken up without panicking for the first time and he tried to remain calm as he smiled back at her.

“It is true, you always fall asleep just, like clockwork before the end credits.”

“I didn't fall asleep when we watched that one really bad horror movie.” 

“Yeah because it scared the crap out of you. I had to turn it off because you started crying.” 

“No, we had to turn it off because Reeses wouldn't stop barking at it.”

“Okay Princess,” Alex said, smiling as she raised her eyebrows at him and he chuckled as he got up and walked over to sit on her bed. The second he sat down Jo reached out, and he thought she was going to take Helena, but instead, she smacked the side of his arm. “Hey, I've got precious cargo here.”

“She’s fine and you can't use our daughter as a shield to protect you against my wrath,” Jo teased with a smirk of her own. She carefully sat up and Alex's smile faded as she grimaced when she moved. 

“Is your ice pack still cold? Do you want me to get you a new one or something?”

“No, I think I bled through the pad again.” 

Jo pulled back the blankets and he was relieved to see that there were no bloodstains on the sheets. Jo carefully got up out of bed and Alex put Helena down in the bassinet. 

“No, just hold her, I’ll be fine,” Jo said, waving him off. 

“Jo, let me take care of you,” Alex insisted as he watched Helena for a second to see if she’d fuss before he went over to help his wife. 

Alex put his arm around her and grabbed the IV pole as they took small and wide steps over to the bathroom. Jo let go of his waist as she stepped into the bathroom and grabbed the peri bottle and her other supplies. Alex got out a new ice pad and activated it, shaking it up before he felt it cool in his hand. He handed it to her before she waved him off again. 

“Just let me help you, Jo. I know it hurts you to whip and…”

“Alex,” Jo said, slightly annoyed as she cut him off. “You can change our daughter's diapers, not mine. I got this.”

“Are you sure, because honestly, I don't mind,” Alex argued, he wasn't sure how much she would let him take care of her, but he wanted to do this for her. If she let them. 

“Alex, today multiple people, several of whom are my coworkers, have seen me naked on a bed pushing out a baby. I need a moment of privacy,” Jo said, holding her hand out to block him from coming close.

Alex nodded and took a step back. He made a big thing about covering his eyes and turned around to go back out into the room, bumping into the doorway as Jo laughed behind him. He smiled as it didn't hurt that much and hearing her laugh after her tears earlier felt good. Alex rubbed his forehead as he went back into the room and picked up Helena again, knowing Jo would want to hold her the second she was back in bed. 

Alex looked down at her and smiled, completely smitten. From the moment Jo told him she was pregnant, he was over the moon. He had seen how parents had fallen in love with their child and he felt that love the moment Jo was pregnant. The moment Carina had placed their daughter on Jo’s chest. It was like his heart burst with love and happiness. It was so overwhelming and utterly consuming. He loved his daughter more than he could describe. 

He had taken care of babies his entire life. His mom had started to slip just after Amber turned one so the majority of her care fell to him. He practically raised Amber and Aaron until they were all put in foster care. After Amber got sick and had to go to the hospital and the state finally stepped in. After that, he took care of his mom throughout high school and college up until the day he got the job and flew out to the then Seattle Grace Hospital. Even then he sent money and hired someone to check on her. When it came to his career, he wanted to go into plastics, but somehow he ended up in Peds and he was good there. 

He took care of thousands of babies over the years and in caring for them he loved them. Alex watched their parents love them more than anything in the world, and he got a bit of that love when it came to Meredith’s kids. They were his nieces and nephew and he loved them like they were his own because they were family, but he still didn't experience the kind of love a parent had for their child, until the moment his child was there. It was all he could think about. She was all-consuming in a way that he could just stare at her for hours.

It wasn't until he really succeeded at being a Peds doctor that he knew he could be a dad. Even though it still terrified him. Every injured kid that walked through the door he could see being his kid. He went home to Jo and put his hands on her belly and he worried. Alex worried about all the possible complications, diseases, and injuries that their kids could get. Even now staring down at her, he knew she was perfect. Her APGAR score was a 10, she had good reflexes, and she was eating and wetting her diapers, and she was perfect, but he still worried. He was so lost in thought that he even noticed Jo had come up behind him until she pressed up against him and they stared down at their daughter. 

“She's perfect, Alex,” Jo whispered to him, kissing his cheek. She had always been able to since his worries.

“Yeah, she is,” Alex said as he put his arm around her as they both stared at Helena completely in awe of their daughter.

Jo moved to get back in bed and Alex helped her up, despite how she protested. After she was settled, Alex placed Helena in her arms before Jo could even ask.

“Thank you,” Jo whispered, cradling her close. 

They both continued to stare down at her and Alex sat back down in the chair and scooted closer to their bedside. Helena’s little eyes fluttered open, but she didn't cry as she stared up at Jo who smiled down at her. Completely smitten as well. 

“Yeah, that’s Mommy isn’t it,” Alex said reaching out and putting his hand on Jo’s knee. Jo didn't even glance up at him, she just smiled down at Helena. 

In the past nine months, he had watched Jo go through so many emotions, as he watched her become a mother. Everything she did was to care for their daughter. He knew that Jo was terrified about becoming a mom when they first started talking about kids years ago. She knew the heartache of a bad childhood because she lived it. She was terrified of her genes and she wanted a career first so he waited patiently for her to be ready. 

Watching her with their daughter in just the past few hours Alex thought she was the best mom in the world, although he might be a little biased. Jo was so good with her, the second Helena fussed or cried, Jo would pick her up. She was so attentive to their daughter and so loving, Alex couldn't help but just watch them together. 

“Daddy is staring at us,” Jo giggled as she looked up and caught him.

 Alex smiled completely unashamed. “What can I say, I'm awestruck by the two beautiful girls in front of me, my girls.”

“Your girls,” Jo smiled before she realized something and giggled. “Alex Karev has a daughter.”

“Oh God,” Alex said, putting a hand over his face as he realized the karmic payback that was coming to him. 

“With your luck, she’ll probably be crazy for whatever gender she ends up liking,” Jo laughed putting her hand on his arm as the color drained from his face.

“No, no, she is a baby. We're not talking about this,” Alex said, shaking his head.

“She's not going to be a baby forever,” Jo said as she tilted her head and smiled at him, clearly enjoying torturing him.

“No, but she is a baby right now, a newborn and she's going to stay that way,” Alex said looking down at Helena and rubbing her little cheek.

Jo giggled again as she leaned forward and reached her hand out to wrap around his neck and pull in for a kiss. Alex let himself linger on Jo's lips as she smiled against his lips. Helena squealed and they parted with a laugh as they looked down at their daughter who stared up at Jo. Jo traced her finger down Helena’s cheek as she rocked her and Alex smiled at his girls. Yeah, this was perfect.

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AN: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much did this turn you into a pile of mush?

[thejolexgroupchat]

the one where they met in med school - part twenty-one

peds surgeons and preemies

In honor of @doc-pickles​ birthday, here is the next installment of the med school fic. Hope you enjoy! Let us know what you think :)

(January 2009)

“Hey, mister,” Jo knocked on the door frame to announce her presence in the room with a smile on her face, that appeared the second she saw the view in front of her. 

“Hey! How did you find me?” Alex smiled, his voice just above a whisper. 

“A little birdie told me about your whereabouts,” she allowed herself into the room. 

“It was Bailey, right? I’m gonna have to have a word with her about this. The amount of people coming over to take a look at what’s happening here is killing me,” Alex grunted, throwing his head back, his hand never leaving the tiny back of the newborn nestled against his chest. 

“Yeah, we can talk to her together, because I’m not a big fan of learning that a bunch of people are showing up to check on my shirtless boyfriend looking all hot holding a baby. That sight is mine to see and mine alone,” Jo joked, pulling up a chair and sitting by his side. 

“Don’t worry. It was mainly Sloan and Shepherd making fun of me,” he looked at her, finally being able to take in her presence. 

“How is she doing?” Jo asked, grabbing the baby’s hand. “She’s so tiny.”

“Jo, this is really cool. I was sure she wasn’t going to make it. That’s why I held her in the first place. No baby should die without having ever been held, so I did it. Bailey got all scientific when she saw her numbers getting better when I picked her up, so here we are. I think she’ll be okay,” he looked down at the tiny body on his chest. 

“Yeah. This is cool,” Jo said calmly, but her mind was almost exploding with so many thoughts that came to her when she found Alex with that baby. 

“You going home?” Alex asked, placing the pieces of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ears. 

“I don’t think so. Can I keep you company tonight?” Jo smiled. 

“Well, unfortunately you won’t be able to be my main chick tonight, but you’re more than welcome to join us, if you’re okay with it,” Alex grinned. 

“I’m more than okay with it.”

———

“Good job, Karev. You saved that baby’s life,” Bailey smiled at him. Alex and Jo spent the night with that baby who didn’t leave Alex’s chest until the sun came up and she was—to the surprise of everyone who was taking care of her—stable enough to not even need an incubator and could go straight to a warmer instead. 

“Thank you, Dr. Bailey” Alex smiled at his mentor. He looked over the woman’s shoulder and staring at his girlfriend, who was looking at the baby in front of her. 

“Did Wilson spend the night with you?” Bailey asked. 

“Yeah. She wanted to keep me company,” Alex explained as he cast a loving glance over to Jo.

“Well, in that case, I’ll figure a way out to put someone on your services. You can both go home and rest,” Bailey said. 

“Are you sure?” Alex asked. 

“Don’t worry. Enjoy your day off,” Bailey insisted, walking away. “And, Karev!” she turned. “You’d be good in peds, you know that? You get invested, you have good instincts, you stick to your instincts. You’d be good in peds.” 

“Thank you, Dr. Bailey,” Alex said loudly with a smile on his face that only grew when his eyes landed on Jo once again. She was standing above the incubator with a soft expression on her face. He walked back into the room and wrapped his arm around her. “We get to go home for the day.” 

“Really?” Jo turned her head to face him. 

“Yes. Bailey gave us the day off,” Alex traced his fingers across the baby’s delicate face. 

Silence took over the room for a while before he broke it, “It felt good having her on my chest. It made me a bit sad to put her down.” Alex admitted. 

“It’s a good thing that you could, though. It means she is well enough to not need you anymore,” Jo pointed out. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go home,” he grabbed her hand before taking a step closer to the infant warmer. “You were a very good company last night. I promise I’ll come back and check on you tomorrow, okay?” Alex whispered into the baby’s side, but was unintentionally loud enough to be heard by Jo, who smiled at the interaction. 

“Let’s go home.”

———

“Do you think I’d be any good in peds?” Alex asked, joining Jo in bed and running his fingers across her back. 

“What?” she lifted her head from the pillow with a smile on her lips

“I’ve been considering it for a while now. First it was when I was working with Addison my intern year, and now Robbins. I don’t know… last night just felt different, you know? Maybe I wouldn’t be so bad at it,” Alex shrugged. 

“I’m sure you’d be an amazing pediatric surgeon if you choose to be one,” Jo grinned widely. 

“You really think that?” he asked. 

Jo nodded at him, trying not to spit out all the words she was holding back at him, but also trying to figure a way out to let him know what she was thinking, “You know another role I’m sure you’d be amazing at?” 

Alex moved his eyes back to her, eyebrows raised.

“I’m sure you’ll be the most amazing father to our baby,” Jo smiled, watching as Alex’s eyes grew larger and larger and laughed at his expression. “I’m serious.”

“Are you?” Alex tried to say the next words, but couldn’t. His face lit up as soon as her words hit his ears. 

“No. I’m not pregnant,” Jo chuckled, trying to focus on the message she was trying to get across. “I want to have kids with you. I see how you are with the little ones, and it really makes me want to have kids with you. I know we’re both residents and we hardly have any free time, but I think I’m ready to start trying. That is, if you are.”

“If having a kid is what you want, I can be ready,” Alex sat up straight in the bed. “I’m ready. Let’s do it.” He stood up and took off his pajama pants he had put on as soon as they got home, even though it was still quite early in the morning. “Let’s make a baby.” 

Alex looked at Jo’s shocked face and tried to keep his bad boy facade intact, but he was bursting with love for the woman in front of him, so his lips curled up into a lopsided smile. 

“I don’t mean right now, you moron,” Jo laughed at him. 

“What? I don’t get it. Don’t you wanna try for a baby?” Alex shook his hands around in confusion. 

“Well, yes and no,” Jo sat up, trying to explain her thoughts to him, but he started talking before she could figure a way out to say what she wanted to him. 

“So, how’s this gonna work? Are we actually gonna try and have sex when you’re ovulating or…?” Alex asked. 

“God, no. That’s so much unnecessary pressure. Let’s just, be us. We have sex when we want to have sex and at the same time, we aren’t preventing anything. That means I probably won’t get pregnant right away, but we know that there’s always a possibility,” Jo pulled Alex back to bed with her. 

“So does this mean we can throw your pills and the condoms away?” Alex asked. 

“Yes. We can throw them all away,” Jo rolled her eyes and pulled him in for a kiss. 

“I say we get started right now,” Alex reached for the hem of her shirt. “Practicing, at least.”

“I wouldn’t object to that,” Jo giggled lightly. 

Neither one of them could wait for what the future had in store for them. 

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY SHUNS AUDITIONS

July 21, 1950

[In the below article, reprinted verbatim, Johnson writes using a lot of imagery and insider jargon.  This sort of article was common in trade papers like Variety, but seems odd in a daily newspaper.]

Hollywood—(NEA) Lucille Ball slipped me the lowdown on her failure to pin to the canvas the dumb chick role in “Born Yesterday” and make it holler uncle. (1)

She’s got a touch of Francis the mule in her when it comes to auditions. (2)

Instead of scrimmaging for the role with Evelyn Keyes, Judy Holliday, Marie Wilson, Shelly Winters and Jan Sterling, (3) Lucille went bolting the other way. 

The “let’s-see-if-you’re-it” boys pleaded and cajoled. 

But Miss Anti-Auditions wasn’t having any of the competition, thank you. 

“I figure if they want you, they want you,” Lucille plainspoke it. If you’ve got to read and test for it, to heck with it.’

She isn’t chronicled in Hollywood history, but once, badgered by her RKO bosses, Lucille went tripping over to David O. Selznick’s office for a whack at the Scarlett O’Hara role in “Gone With the Wind.” 

That’s what curdled her in the first place. 

“It was awful,’’ Lucille shudders. I was shaking all over when I hit Selznick’s office. My knees gave way. I did the whole audition in scrubwoman position. Selznick laughs and says thanks a lot. (4)

Judy Holliday landed the junkman’s doll role and Lucille grabbed a railroad ticket for a personal appearance tour with hubby Desi Arnaz. She strutted to Latin rhythms, swung a glittering purse in a manner dear to runaway girls and wisecracked for the customers. (5)

MIMICS OSCAR WINNER 

At the last moment she nixed a dancing and singing routine. The star with the forest-fire hair shrugged: 

“I decided it would be silly to compete with Grable.” (6)

A lot of movie queens laid in fresh supplies of smelling salts, ice beanies and copies of “Release From Nervous Tension” when word got around that Lucille was about to whoop it up on the six-a-day circuit. (7)

She’s a blister-raiser from way back and the air was shrill with ouches about a year ago when she whipped up an impression of an Academy Award winner. 

But the girls can go back to worrying about other things—like shrinking from larger-than-life to television screen size. 

Lucille didn’t let any “furriners” see the routine. 

“It's for Hollywood only," she said. “I should take radio-active material on the road?” 

Her Oscar-grabber routine is strictly for unreal anyhow, she says. and no blood relation to Bette Davis, Olivia de Havilland, Ingrid Bergman or any other Screen Duse. (8) She insisted:

“She's any movie star, even me. This character has to go up on that stage and act surprised. She’s only been rehearsing what she's going say flor eight weeks. So she says, ‘Ye gads, me?  But I’m so unprepared. Really, I didn’t dream...” Lucille is generally is as unflinching about the movie queen business as Pearl White was about onrushing trains. (9)

But her knees executed some wobbles that aren’t in Arthur Murray’s rhumba dance book when she checked into her first vaudeville dressing room. (10)

“Those stages—they’re so big.” she gasped. “Hey, I’d hate to get caught in the middle of one of those stages without bread and water.” 

Lucille didn’t take any chances with out-of-town press interviews, either. “I once did a personal appearance tour with Maureen O'Hara and had to show up at a press party,” she grinned. (11)

My sinus - I just die from it - was acting up. The reporter next to me didn’t understand my puffed eyes and cold sores. He called Maureen a lady in his story. But he referred to me as a whisky tenor with red-runny eyes.” 

Lucille’s brain cells work on direct current and she’s not one to make with the figure eights when a straight glide to home base would get her there quicker. 

They still laugh about her exit line to Louis B. Mayer. (12) Mayer always referred to her as a thoroughbred and sometimes compared her to his famous horses. "Yes, and like your other nags, I'm leaving your stable," Lucille said when she decided to bow out of her contract. 

She has high hopes for her new picture “The Fuller Brush Man.” Not that she enjoyed it: (13)

“Honey, this ones that I don t enjoy turn out be the best ones.  This one put me in the hospital. My feet are still bandaged up. I’m a mess. No more physical-type pictures for me.”

#   #   #    FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) The 1946 Broadway hit comedy Born Yesterday by Garsin Kanin was bought by Columbia Pictures. Things got complicated when its stage star, Judy Holliday, swore she would not do the film version. Columbia used this as fuel for publicity about who would win the role.  Naturally, Lucille Ball was considered a top contender.  As the article states, she was not eager, however, to prove her worth to the ‘let’s-see-if-you’re-it’ boys (aka producers).  There was talk of Lucille performing the play in London, or summer stock, but her film contracts would not allow her time off for a stage run. 

(2) Mules are supposedly notoriously stubborn animals - just like Lucy. Francis the Talking Mule was the star of seven popular Universal-International film comedies. The character originated in the 1946 novel Francis by David Stern III, adapting his own script for the first entry, simply titled Francis.  On “I Love Lucy” Fred Mertz sometimes called Ethel “Francis” to indicate she was being stubborn about something. 

(3) These were some of the Hollywood stars looking to play the part of Billie Dawn in the film Born Yesterday. Evelyn Keyes (1916 – 2008) was best known for playing Sue Ellen, Scarlett O’Hara’s kid sister, in Gone With The Wind (1939).  Judy Holliday (1921-65), changed her mind about playing the role she originated on Broadway, but by then the casting net was cast, and she was just another performer on the short list. She eventually got the role, which defined her career. Marie Wilson (1916-72) was a zany comedic actress in the style of Gracie Burns. She was widely known as the star of radio and TV’s “My Friend Irma”. Shelley Winters (1920-2006) would be nominated for an Oscar the year after this article. She was adept at playing drama and comedy, and had a long-lasting career in Hollywood.  She appeared on “Here’s Lucy” in 1968; Critics raved about her Jan Sterling’s portrayal of Billie Dawn in the Chicago touring company of Born Yesterday and Columbia brought her out to the West Coast to test for the film. At one point, she was actually announced to play the part but the role ultimately went to Holliday.

(4) Lucille Ball did indeed read (not screen test) for the role of Scarlet O’Hara, just like nearly all of the women in Hollywood in 1938. Ball told the story several times on television, each time with varying details, but probably most completely on “Bob Hope’s Unrehearsed Antics of The Stars” (1984).

(5) This is a vivid description of the “Cuban Pete / Sally Sweet” portion of Lucy and Desi’s nightclub act to convince sponsors to buy them as a couple. 

(6) Betty Grable (1916-73) was considered one of the most famous pin-up girls in history. In addition to her million dollar gams (legs), she could sing, dance, and act, too. She guest starred with her then-husband Harry James on “Lucy Wins A Racehorse”, an installment of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” aired on February 3, 1958.

(7) “Release from Nervous Tension” was an actual best-selling book by Dr. David Harold Fink, published in 1950. Vaudeville and Burlesque shows were often known as the ‘six-a-day circuit’ because sometimes there would be as many as six performances of the same act in a day.  Naturally, this did not apply to Lucy and Desi, who were big film and radio stars at the time. 

(8)  These were some of Hollywood’s top-line dramatic actors. Bette Davis (1908-89) had won two Oscars, and was nominated for several others during her long career. She was supposed to guest-star on “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” in “The Celebrity Next Door” in 1957 but dropped out after a horse-riding accident, leaving the role to Tallulah Bankhead; Olivia de Havilland (1916-2020) had also won two Oscars, the second the year this article was published. She was best remembered for playing Melanie Wilkes in Gone With The Wind (1939); Ingrid Bergman (1915-82) was a Swedish-born actress, who, by career’s end, had scored three Academy Awards.  When Johnson talks about “any other screen Duse” he is referring to Eleonor Duse (1858-1924), an Italian-born stage actress known for her grand, dramatic style.  

(9) Pearl White (1889-1938) was best known as the silent film actress who was tied to the railroad tracks in “The Perils of Pauline” (1914).  

(10) Arthur Murray (1895-1991) was a ballroom dancer and businessman best known for the chain of dancing schools that bear his name. Murray was often a punchline on “I Love Lucy,” especially when the subject of dancing came up. The Rhumba was a Latin dance that took America by storm in the late 1940s and 1950. Desi Arnaz often called his orchestra a ‘rhumba band.’ 

(11) Maureen O’Hara (1920-2015) and Lucille Ball had starred in Dance, Girl, Dance in 1940. As a result, the two went on a promotional tour that took them to several US cities, including the nation’s capitol. 

(12) Louis B. Meyer (1884-1957), along with Samuel Goldwyn and Marcus Loew of Metro Pictures, had formed a new motion picture company called Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) in 1918. Over the next 25 years, MGM was "the Tiffany of the studios," producing more films and movie stars than any other studio in the world. Mayer became the highest-paid man in America, and one of the country's most successful horse breeders. Both he and MGM reached their peaks at the end of World War II, and Mayer was forced out in 1951, just a year after this article was written. 

(13) Erskine Johnson gets the title wrong. Lucille had madeThe Fuller Brush Girl, a sequel to The Fuller Brush Man (1948).  The film was released in mid-September 1950. 

[snippychicke]

Aftermath--One

Aftermath

So, here I am, starting yet another F**** project. Because I have no self control and I am in love with both the Swedes as well as positive encouragement. 

Aftermath is obviously a slight AU to end of Season 2. No major changes except...did no one tell the creators that just because someone fell unconscious when being strangled doesn’t mean their dead? 

Title: Aftermath

Rating: Teen

Triggers: obviously references to violence, blood, racism including one racial slur. I’m going to go light on that hopefully, however. Slight gore warning? 

Eventual OCxOtto

Herb did not, in fact, take away the dead body. 

It was still sitting in Raymond's living room after everyone else had disappeared in flashes of blue lights. Wrapped up in the rug his sister had gifted him and Allison on their wedding day. Silent. Foreboding. 

Raymond watched it as he sipped at his scotch. There was no way in hell he could move it by himself. And who could he trust to move it? 

To move him.

That wasn't an it, that was a ‘him’. That was a human body resting in his living room. Who, admittedly, tried to kill him and Allison. But still, he could at least acknowledge him as a fellow human. After all, Raymond had tried so hard to be the respectful and peaceful man his grandmother raised him to be. Even when faced with the violence because of the protests, being unfairly treated time after time, he never raised so much as a hand to another human being. 

But here he was: stuck with a dead white man in his living room. It didn't matter that the man and his brother had forced their way into their home (his home, now that Allison was gone) with intent to kill both of them. The white man was dead in his house, and he was alive and relatively unharmed. 

He would go to prison. He was going to be <i>hung</i> for this. Raymond tipped the rest of the scotch back and poured another full glass. All of his work, gone. 

It was probably a good thing Allison had...left to be with her family. It was comforting to know she was safe and alive. A small cold comfort, but a comfort nonetheless. 

His lips touched the cool glass when he heard it. A noise so soft he was sure he had imagined it. Still, it made him freeze, his body tense as he held his breath, eyes darting to the rug. 

No. The man was dead. It had been hours since the attack. There was no way. 

Raymond shook his head, deciding it was probably just the house settling, and shot back the drink, feeling the burn in his throat match the burn of his eyes. His whole life had just ended. It wouldn't be long and he would join…

His somber thoughts were cut off by another sound, this one unmistakable. Raymond jumped to his feet, throwing his glass out of reflex towards the body, which made a grunt when the glass bounced off the rug and shattered on the floor, she shards miking with the alcohol. 

Raymond grabbed a knife off the table, careless that it was nothing more than a butter knife as he held it out waveringly. 

Silence. No further sounds. No movement. Raymond stood frozen, eyes trained on the body, and mentally dared it to do something. Anything. 

If it did, he would...he would…

The rug moved and a groan cut through the heavy silence. There was no doubting the haggard breathing and muffled moan of pain. Raymond cursed every foul word his grandma would wash his mouth out for and ran back to the kitchen to grab an actual knife. The long thick butcher’s knife his wife had used so skillfully once upon a time. 

He pushed that sober realization away and stalked back to the living room, gripping the wooden handle tightly in his shaking hand. Raymond towered over the rug, knife poised to strike. He had to do something swift. Otherwise…

He was a dead man anyway. The thought silenced the instinct to strike, and the knife clattered harmlessly to the floor. He was going to die either way, but wouldn't it be better to die innocent than guilty? Not just for his soul, but for the movement. His brother and sisters?

He dropped to his knees and desperately undid the knots he and Allison had tied, allowing the rug to fall open. The man's face was no longer placid with death, but grimacing in pain, lips pursed as he sucked in haggard breaths. The blood was caked around the remains of his right eye, bruises coloring his neck, but otherwise, he was almost as pale as his white hair. 

"Hey, uh buddy," Raymond said as he placed a hand on his shoulder, earning a painful grunt and he quickly removed it. "Right. Sorry. Let's… let's get you a hospital." Except questions would be asked, and he would be arrested. 

But…

"Actually, I think I know someone." 

                                                         --+--

Lorelei groaned as she fell into the old couch, slipping off her shoes and rubbing the knots in her feet. The third shift in a row at Parkland Memorial Hospital left her sore and exhausted. This week had been nuts, between the street shooting and the asylum patients escaping.

Then there was the man found in the woods. She grimaced at the memory of being called down to the OR because they had been short-staffed. Dr. Wilson had done his best, but they all had their doubts.

Her eyes were starting to drift shut when there was a bang on the door, hard and frantic enough to rattle the windows. Her eyes shot back open and she jumped up out of instinct, her heart thundering in her chest as she stumbled around the coffee table to open the door. 

Raymond Chestnut stood on her aged porch, a pale man nearly twice his size in a bloodied suit draped partially over his shoulder.  

"What the hell?" she started. Usually, it was some neighborhood kids coming to her for help this late, or someone else in their community. A car engine broke the otherwise quiet night further down the street. Raymond shot her a look, panicked and trembling under the other man's weight, and she didn't need any further encouragement to slip underneath the man's other arm and help Raymond drag him into her home and ease him onto the old couch that was far too small for the man.

Her stomach curdled at the wounds she saw, though the bloody mess of an eye was probably the worst. "Shit. We need him in a hospital, Raymond."

"I know!" He hissed back, keeping his voice low despite the privacy. "But can you imagine me pulling in the ER with him like this? I'd be swarmed with police, Lei, and be lynched by dawn!" 

"What even happened?" She asked, undoing the silk tie to study the bruising around his neck. Obviously not an accident, but if Raymond got in a fight, why would he bring the man here?

Nevermind that Raymond was as pacifist as it got, and she couldn't see him doing ...this.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he stated with a dry tone, wiping the sweat from his brow. 

She shot him a look, "I worked in the ER on a full moon on Halloween this year. <i>Try me</i>."

Before he could even start, she disappeared into her kitchen, and he could hear the faucet running as she rummaged through drawers. Within a minute she was back with a basin of water and more than a few washcloths. "Well?" She snipped as she damped a washcloth and worked on the caked blood around his eye, making the man hiss and flinch, his other eye fluttering slightly. 

"Him and his brother came to my house, attacked me and my wife. Allison did that," he gestured to the eye covered by a washcloth, "before telling his brother to kill him. Which I certainly thought he did when he strangled him, but nope, here we are."

Lorelei paused and looked at him, trying to see a hint of a lie. Raymond was a poor liar, and Allison, while always a bit different and headstrong for sure, was still a lady. She had a hard time seeing the hairdresser stabbing someone. 

Granted, being attacked in her own home… 

"Come on. Let's get him back in your car. He needs a doctor, We can say we found him on my doorstep like this. Dr. Cahoy is working tonight, and..."

The man's hand shot up and gripped Lorelei's wrist tightly, making her freeze and Raymond jump. The man's other eye was open and staring hard at her. "No."

"No?" She repeated, falling into her working persona. "I can't treat the trauma to that eye. We need to take you to the hospital."

"No," he repeated, his hand tightening slightly, his fingers easily encompassing her wrist. 

Yet it wasn't quite strong enough to hurt. She ground her teeth at the stubbornness on his face, studying the dark grey-blue eye staring back at her. "Fine. But in return for my services you have to promise not to go after Ray and Allie, okay? Or any negro for that matter."

His eye glanced briefly at Raymond before fluttering close, and he let go of her. Lorelei stood, rubbing her wrist as she thought. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. White men could get the care they need at the drop of a hat. She saved her stores for others truly in trouble. 

Yet something in her gut was leading her towards an idea that there was something was not quite right. He only said one word, but there was a definite accent to it, and not one she was familiar with either. 

"Ray, start boiling some water.  There's a pack of gauze and gloves under the sink."

Raymond didn't ask any questions but nodded his head and followed her directions. Lorelei sighed as she touched the man's shoulder, making him crack open his good eye once more. "I'm serious here. I am not a doctor. I can do my best, but I doubt I can save your eye. You need a hospital."

"No," he repeated, though this time softer. Almost apologetic. 

She pushed the thought away. "Do you have any plans to hurt Ray or Allie?"

"...no." he closed his eye, becoming stoic but not before she saw a flash of something. Anguish? Regret? Or just pain? 

"I'm holding you to that. Now, give me a name I can call you. Don't need to be your real one," she continued as he looked at her strangely. "I just need a name you'll answer to."

"...Otto." That time she caught the accent but still didn't have an idea from where. 

"Well Otto, I'm Lorelei, but you can call me Lei. And this is probably going to hurt like a son of a bitch."

Part two

[diabloindigo]

Are you the person to open a box of cereal just to get the toy inside? As a kid yes. Right now, I don’t buy cereals with prizes anymore. Do they even stuff toys in cereal these days? 

Do you get scared easy? If it’s in the anxiety induced variety, yes. 

What was one of the stupidest things you cried over when you were little? Not sure, it could have been anything from not wanting to wear a fancy dress or dress shoes to a party or a broken toy. 

Have you ever drank milk from the carton? Despite having a working dishwasher and plenty of glasses, I “waterfall” milk and juice from the containers. 

Juice or milk? I go both ways, leaning more towards juice. Apple or orange. 

Do you ever turn off your computer properly? Once in a while. 

Do you wish you were a fish? Not really, though I kinda envy the blue Dory (Doctor Fish?) in the tank at my gynecologist’s waiting room. It likes to swim to the bottom of the tank and ride up to the top on a bubble jet. That damn fish has probably had more fun than I have in the past several months. 

Who’s your favorite super hero? Invincible (Amazon Prime). Along with Spider-Man (2002) and the Big Hero 6 movie, that character/series is a rare superhero show that makes me feel strong and vulnerable at the same time. 

Who’s your favorite super villain? Slade Wilson/ Deathstroke as seen in “Teen Titans: The Judas Contract” animated movie and the 2003-2006 “Teen Titans” cartoon series. 

Spiderman or X-men? Spider-Man. Tobey Maguire and Peter B. Parker from Into the Spiderverse. 

Movie theatre or stay at home movie night? Theaters. Alamo Drafthouse. I love ordering boozy milkshakes and finger foods.

Do you have a Blue Ray? I have one of those external drives for my Mac though I never use it. 

How about HD television? Yeah

Do you think HD television is kind of a waste of money? No. 

Do you get why people get so frickin’ freaked out during football season? I do not, and living in a state with a hard-on for (American) football makes it weird when I tell people that I do not have a favorite football team/player. 

Do you ever sneak scraps to the dog even though you’re not suppose to? I don’t sneak him food. If I cook or order too much to eat, then I scrape a couple of cup’s worth of leftovers in his bowl. He’s probably got only a year to live so let him live it up a little. 

Are you reading a book right now? If so what? A friend gave me a copy of “The Only Good Indians” but I can't get into it so I’m reading “Full Throttle” by Joe Hill. 

What was the last book you were required to read for school? It’s been so long I can’t remember. 

O donuts or jelly filled? Whipped cream filled. I love Krispy Kreme’s whipped cream filled donuts with raspberry filled donuts as a close second. 

If I’m feeling bland then I do like crullers. 

Do you like your ice-cream in a bowl or cone? Bowl unless it’s a tasty cone. 

Marshmallows in your hot chocolate or no? I could go either way unless it’s a tiny cup of chocolate. 

Do you like cherry coke? Hell yes. I love going to Sonic for a cherry-vanilla-lime Coke or this greasy little 1950s type burger joint for their cherry cokes since they load the cups with several cherries. 

Do you really think diet Dr. Pepper is the equivalent of a cupcake? No, it tastes artificial. Like a bastard child of a soft drink that wants to pass for cherry soda. 

Do you snore in your sleep? Drool? Talk? Snore and talk (I’m pretty stressed out).

Have you ever sleep walked? no

Are you a morning person? I am now. 

How do you wake up in the mornings? by alarm during the work week, naturally at 6-7 on vacation days. 

Do you think guyliner is hot? What is that? 

Is variety the spice of life? yeah

Do you think strawberry milk is disgusting? I like it. 

Have you ever drank after anyone? Like sharing a cup/bottle? Yeah, loads of times.  

Have you ever drank after anyone you don’t know very well? No. 

Do you have any limits on who you drink/eat after?

If we’re talking about sharing, then I will share food/drink with family and friends. If someone offers me bite-size pieces that are individually wrapped or can be torn off the main portion, I’ll eat it, but only from co-workers or acquaintances. 

Would you eat a sucker if someone already ate some of it? No. 

Would you chew somebody else's gum? Hell no. 

Do you know anyone who’s going to die of mono because of that? No. 

Do you enjoy school? My English and psychology classes. 

Are you a teacher’s pet? no

Do you have a job? Yes. 

How did you get to and from school? Parents drove me or I walked for elementary through high school. I drove when I went to college. 

Do you have a bedtime? And if so what is it? I’m in bed between 11-12 a.m.

What time do you get up? 6 am so I can walk/exercise before the sun boils the earth in full force. 

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Yeah in college. 

What’s more important? Beauty or brains? brains

Do you believe in yourself? Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. 

Did you ever want to be an astronaut when you were little? No. Being a veterinarian or scientist were my highest ambitions as a small kid. 

How about the president? Never. 

What did you want to be when you were little? Veterinarian, scientist, cartoon character. 

Did you ever want to be a super model? no

Do you believe you’re attractive enough to be a super model? No.

Have you ever had an X-ray? Several in the past few months for pre-surgery and dental work.

What’s your favorite guy’s name? What’s your favorite girl’s name? Guys’: Shane, Mark, Tadashi, Austin, Cade, Trip.

Girls’: Quince, Sienna, Amy, Kit, Lizzie (Elizabeth), Raven.

Who’s your second cousin’s, grandparent’s, sister? The fuck...

Do you laugh to yourself whenever the ketchup bottle farts? No, in fact, I get annoyed when other people hear it and ask me if I farted. 

Do you have any real guns in your house? I have several. 

Do you know how to use nunchucks? No, I bought a pair at one of those Asian imports emporiums, but I donated them since I never learned to use them. They were these crappy foam padded ones with dragons printed on the handles. 

Do you know anyone who can use nunchucks? No. 

What do you want to be next Halloween? In better health and not shitting bricks about using up my paid time off to go to doctors’ appointments. 

Did you ever consider getting a job as a mall Santa? No. I’d rather be one of his elves or a reindeer. 

Are you the one responsible for taking out the garbage? Yes. Grosses me the fuck out sometimes with smelly discarded poultry trays or rotten food, but somebody’s gotta do it. 

Do you recycle? My city has the blue recycling bins, but I heard that since we’re an ass-backward community, “recyclables” and trash all go to the same place. I just place recyclables in the blue bin to help clear up space in the trash bin. Maybe I’m wrong and this city does recycle? Can’t hurt. 

When I was 11, I’d collect empty soda cans to take to the recycling guy since back in the day, they’d pay for aluminum cans. That’s how I scraped up funds for dollar movies and hot dogs. 

Are you a pyro? Yeah. I carry/collect Zippo lighters but mostly because the “click-click” is satisfying to hear since I flip the lids open and closed to relieve stress. And I burn a lot of old bills and letters with sensitive info on them. 

What was the last word/thing you wrote down? I was researching high fiber foods that are also low in carbs to make a grocery and dinner meal plan. 

Sleeping or eating? After my surgery, sleeping. 

Are you overall a positive person? I try to be realistically positive, if such a thing exists. The world will never be all sunshine and My Little Ponies, but I try to find some comfort and positivity when my world is a shit-show. Filling this survey out kinda helps. 

Do you hate hypocrites? Yeah, especially the “do as I say, not as I do” types. 

For instance, a certain family member is pushing good diet and health habits, but it aggravates the hell out of me if I see him drinking high sugar iced tea or eating ice cream. Or Door-Dashing Burger King, even if it is a Beyond Whopper with a diet Coke. 

Do you like to prank people? Yes, but I do benign pranks like leaving dirty riddles and meme drawings on their front doors. 

What was the worst prank you’ve ever done on anyone? I tried fucking with a telesolicitor but I could not stop laughing. 

Have you ever jumped on a trampoline in the ice? I don’t own a trampoline. 

Have you ever ice skated? No. I tried once after a local minor league hockey game. I got the skates on, but my ankles were bending/bowing out so I changed my mind.

Ever water skiid? No. 

Is vacuum spelled funny? Yes. 

Democrat or republican? I don’t associate formally with either party, but I hitch my pony a little to the left. 

Who’s the biggest asshole you know? My former boss circa 2013. Very unprofessional and a veritable loudmouth and a poor (shit) showman wannabe. 

Pen or pencil? Gel-ink pens. 

Should all paper have holes? nope

Speaking of holes. Swiss cheese, what’s the point of that? Fewer calories? Spinning slices in my hand like a TV cowboy spinning his revolver in the trigger guard with his finger? 

Have you ever been in a helicopter before? No. 

Own any airbrushed tshirts? Nope, not even in the nineties. 

Have you ever been suspended? No. 

Have you ever been in a fist fight? A few playground fights as a kid. 

Ever said something to someone that you didn’t mean to say? Yes. 

Do you forgive too easily? I don’t think so. 

What are you listening to right now? The AC running. 

Have you ever seen any of MCR’s music videos? Nope. 

Are you tan? No. 

Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No. I have no desire to look like a Cheeto or woo skin cancer. 

Have you ever played water volley? Once at my uncle’s neighborhood swimming pool. 

Ever had a sunburn? Yes, from neglecting sunscreen re-applications or underestimating the sun. 

How about wind burn? It hurts….. Nah, I don't live in a cold enough climate for that. 

What was the first word you learned how to say? I think it was “mama.”

[xvnqsb]

Creepo and Arrows - avengers

word count: 1.6k

author’s note: so this was requested by @breadgenie892 like TWO months ago and I hadn’t been able to write it because of school :/ I finally got around to it though - still haven’t done my school work lmao - and wrote this as best as I could. I hope you like it! i know it’s terrible i’m sORRY i will write you something better in the future I PROMISE!

request: If it's not too much of a problem can I request immortal reader (like the ones from the movie 'the old guard' if you've watched it but if not it's basically immortal reader that can still feel every wound) and it's after the rogues get pardoned and she's practicing with another agent on dodging arrows and gets hit 2 times and team cap is like "👁👄👁 ma'am what", but she just kneels on the floor as the agent comes over and yanks it out for her and she just says " I'd never thought I'd be kneeling like this for you" and it ends with tony, rhodey and happy being smug while Sam and Bucky make bets on who can win her over faster-

---

Y/N smiles at Steve as they pass each other, happy that the team is back together again. Tony gives him a curt nod, tension filling the air for a moment.

Germany was tough, and so was going against Tony’s wishes of keeping the ‘wrong team’ at bay. She convinced Tony to talk to Senator Ross and have them pardoned.

Tony didn’t want them to move into the tower. “Them being pardoned is enough.”

“No, it’s not,” She argued, keeping up with his pace as they walked towards his lab.

“They’re our friends, Stark. You don’t live here anyway! You and Pepper bought a house in the woods, didn’t you?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Then it’s settled. They’ll move back into the tower while they’re on house arrest!” They stopped outside of the door to the lab, and she stood on her toes. Planting a kiss on his cheek, she began to skip down the hallway towards the elevator once more. “Love you, Tony!”

“Love you, too, kid,” He mumbled as he stepped into the room.

“You ready, Creepo?” Tony asks as they make their way into the training area.

“Creepo?” She asked, eyebrows raised and a smile on her face. “That’s a new one.”

“It’s hard coming up with nicknames with your freaky power thingy,” He opened up a pack of raisins, popping a few into his mouth. “Ruins my flow.”

“Your flow?” She scoffs, declining the offer of his snack. “I think it’s a blessing, given your ridiculous nicknames.”

“My nicknames are not ridiculous, They’re great!”

“They’re okay.” He scoffed at the lie, smiling at the young girl rolling her eyes. “You should really stop eating before training sessions, Tony.”

“Why?” They entered the training area as Wanda, Sam, Bucky, Steve, and Natasha laughed at something one of them had said.

“Because then you throw up everywhere”

“I do not!”

They walked over to Rhodey, who was at the window watching the agents in training run their final lap.

“Rhodey, tell him I’m right.” She said, watching the agents as well.

“She’s right.” He complied, stretching his arms to prepare for the upcoming hours.

“You don’t even know what we’re talking about,” Tony quipped back, setting down his food. “So you have no say.”

The five other trainers joined them as the agents came back inside, trying to contain their lack of breath. Tony clapped his hands, gaining the attention of the group.

“Okay, listen up, because I’m only going to say this once,”

“Wish that was a statement he followed up on more often,” Y/N muttered to Rhodey, who chuckled at your comment. Tony glared at the two of you, unamused.

“You’ll be split into two groups, and from there you’ll be split into smaller groups.” He used his arm to split the group down the middle, creating an invisible line. “If you’re on the left, you’re with me, Agent Romanoff, Rhodey, and Agent Y/L/N. If you’re on the right, you’re with Captain Rogers, Wilson, Sergeant Barnes, and Wanda.”

The groups separated, anxious about their training with the Avengers.

She took a deep breath, preparing herself for the rough training that she would have to endure with the trainees themselves. Dodging arrows was not her favorite pastime.

“I apologize for those of you who were excited to learn archery from Agent Barton,” She began, internally cringing at the fact that she couldn’t say Clint. Barton just sounded so...wrong. She clasped her hands together, putting a small smile on her face. “But, I am the next best thing, unfortunately.”

Y/N heard Tony chuckle from a few feet away, sending him a glare. He didn’t glance back, instead choosing to focus on the recruits while trying not to laugh. She faced the young group of 6 once more. She was glad it was no longer the large group of 100, but not glad that 52 agents in training were cut from the Avengers program. Hill still wanted them for technical, so she recruited them herself. Although, it got back that the Avengers were nicer than Maria Hill.

“So, the first thirty minutes I will be teaching you how to hold a bow and how to shoot, but after that, you will be expected to know without any help. The last 30 minutes you will be shooting at still targets, and the hour after that you will be shooting moving targets.”

Y/N took a deep breath, grabbing the bow and holding it up. “Let’s get started.”

-

They didn’t suck. The group learned fast and grew confident quickly, something that she had struggled with when she had first begun.

“Rodriguez!” The girl turned to the agent, putting the bow down properly, and stood at attention. “You’re done. Turner, you’re up.”

The first agent began walking to the back of the line, giving her fellow peer a small smile in passing. Agent Y/L/N stuck an arm out, nodding at the young girl in front of her. Rodriguez’s blue eyes shined with worry, but her face stayed stoic. “Nice job. You’re a good shot. Keep working, and you’ll be Agent Barton level in no-time.”

“Thank you.” She tried to keep her excitement, but Y/N heard a small squeal slip past her lips.

Turner raised the bow, her green eyes trained on the target in front of her. She pulled the arrow back, inhaling before letting the arrow fly.

Bullseye.

-

This sucked.

Y/N was tired, out of breath, and thirsty as hell. The agents were worried at first, but after saying she was fine and pushing them, they did their training. No regret as they ruthlessly shot arrows at her one by one, no break in between.

“Agent Y/L/N over there should be getting paid triple her salary,” Tony called, taking a break from his training. She shooed him away, narrowly missing an arrow. “It’s true, you’re putting your life on the line.”

“You’re distracting me, Stark.” An arrow grazed her arm, and she held an arm out to stop the trainees. They stood at attention, Turner stopping her assault. “Get water.”

She took her water bottle from Tony, taking a huge sip. Panting, she watched the agents in training stretch and hydrate.

“Which ones?” The question didn’t need to be completed. She knew what the end of the question was.

Which ones - do you want to pass on as S.H.I.E.L.D. agents? Would survive the new training created by Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff, Director Fury, Commander Hill and herself? Would be able to keep the burden of having to have a secret identity from their families? Would be able to handle the possibility of killing someone?

“Rodriguez, Turner, Tang, and Chavez.” she pointed out the four women who were currently giving each other encouraging words.

“All women?” She turned to the man, eyebrows raised.

“Is there a problem with that?”

His mouth fell open, stumbling over his words. “N-no! I’m just- that’s not- I just- not what I meant..”

Her head tilted to the side, his face turning red before she laughed it off. “I’m joking. I know you didn’t mean it that way.”

She clapped her hands, getting the attention of the agents once more. “Alright back to it. Tang, you’re up.”

The girl came forward, mumbling something in Mandarin. You got this.

Agent Y/N nodded, taking a stance before beginning to dodge the arrows. On the tenth arrow, Agent Tang hit her directly in the chest. Another arrow hit her abdomen, causing her to drop to her knees. Tang stopped, eyes wide and hands covering her mouth. The bow fell to the ground, and she ran towards you.

Tony looked over at the commotion to see the arrow sticking out of Y/N’s chest, taking out his phone and dialing Dr. Cho.

Steve caught sight of the incident, hurrying over and dropping to his knees as well. Sam and Bucky stood to the side with Wanda, who watched with tears in her eyes.

“I’m good, I’m good.” You grabbed the arrow in your chest, pulling it out.

“Whoa, whoa! Y/N don’t do that!” Steve tried to stop her to no avail, and she pulled it out fully. she huffed, throwing it to the ground before taking out the second arrow. “What the hell?”

The entry wounds closed themselves quickly, all that was left was the blood released from them. Happy and Dr. Cho enter at that time, coming over to check her over. Steve stepped back to allow the doctor to work, shocked at what he had just witnessed. Sam and Bucky were frozen, not believing what they were seeing.

“I’m fine, guys.” She looked up at Tony, who was smirking proudly. “Wipe that look off your face, Stark.”

“They didn’t know?” Happy asked a smug Rhodey.

“Nope.” He chuckled as Sam and Bucky snapped out of their trance, a look of awe on their faces.

“Now’s a good a time as any,” Y/N muttered, before looking up to address the other Avengers. “So I have this power that does not allow me to die, as you can see.”

They nodded, not speaking.

“Oh, and I heal fast.”

Sam and Bucky began to bicker, nudging each other with their shoulders.

“She’s mine,” Sam whispered, smacking Bucky.

“No, I’ll get her to want me!” Bucky smacked him back, shooting him a death glare.

“Get that Winter Soldier shit outta here! She’ll want all this.” He motioned over himself, a proud look on his face.

“Nobody wants that. Especially after what you just did!”

“You wanna bet?” Sam stood straight, squaring his shoulders.

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” Bucky stood taller than him, looking down at the shorter man. “Shorty.”

“By an inch!”

[unseenthewriter]

CHAPTER 6: CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Chapter 6: 6784 Words

Fic Total: 21340 Words

Series Total: 21340 Words

The next day was the start of the weekend and I had decided that because I'd been so stressed lately it's time for me to get an Xbox 360 again. Even though I'm no longer doing any new freelance programming jobs I still have quite a bit of money I saved up.

I was in the middle of setting up the TV in my room when Dunc called. "Blue Jay." I said.

"Busy today?" He asked.

I thought for a moment about the breakfast at lunchtime conversation I had with Wilson.

___

"I've got to say the fact you're not lactose intolerant but just don't like milk is slightly concerning." Wilson commented.

I glanced up from my bowl of lucky charms (without milk of course). "I don't know what to tell you man it's just gross. I just don't like most dairy." I said with a shrug.

"What dairy do you like?" Wilson asked, looking more concerned.

"Oh easy cheese and ice cream." I said.

Wilson stared at me blankly for a few seconds. "That reminds me you need a physical." He said.

I set the spoon down. "Like a check-up?" I asked.

"Yes." He said.

"Can we just not do that? I mean like you guys are Doctors I'm sure I'm fine like-" I started to say.

"You're joining the Cheerleaders. They're going to need a physical." Wilson said simply.

Ah no, he's got me there. I groaned.

Wilson looked confused. "You volunteer at PPTH, you met House as a patient in the free clinic, you don't seem to be afraid of Doctors." He said.

"Yeah I know but that was for my wrist. Physicals you have to you know… and like I'm trans so it's just awkward because I'll have to explain that to whatever Doctor it is and like God forbid if they're low key transphobic or not you know?" I ranted but then remembered that Wilson is also trans. So he just kinda stared at me like “yeah I know”.

"Well, you already know all of House's Team isn't transphobic." Wilson said.

He's right there. "But do I have to?" I pleaded.

"Yes. Schedule it with one of them today." He said.

I groaned again before getting back to my cereal.

___

"Uhh I have one thing to do at PPTH." I said.

"Oh? Care to elaborate?" Dunc asked over the phone.

I huffed and put him on speaker while I started to set up the Xbox 360. "I have to schedule a physical with one of House's Team."

"In person?" He asked.

"Well I don't exactly have any of their numbers. I've never asked and they haven't offered I'm a teenager. What adult is going to offer a teenager they barely know their phone number? Makes them look like a pedophile or something I don't know." I rambled. I have Kutner's but he's out of town right now anyway.

"Can't you just call the hospital?" He asked.

"I'm like 95% House would pick up the phone so no thanks. Hi yes Dad what I've never called you Dad before oops. Well I'm NOT calling you. I'm here to talk to your Team because I hate you. That would go great." I joked.

"You haven't called him Dad before?" Dunc asked.

"Okay look I didn't know him for the first 16 years of my life and I've been calling him House since I've met him like at what point do I call him Dad? Is there like a guideline because I'd really like to know this shit is so confusing, Dunc you have no idea." I complained.

"Hmm yeah I guess that kinda sucks." He said.

"Okay but like if I did call House Dad like I had no idea how he'd react. The man might just die for all I know." I joked.

Dunc laughed. "Yeah let me know so I can record it."

"Sure thing." I said.

"Want back up?" He asked.

"You asking because you're really that bored or because you want to watch the shit show?" I asked.

"Can't it be both?" He said.

I sighed. "Yeah sure meet you there in an hour?"

"Sounds good." He said and hung up.

Well maybe it will be a little easier with Dunc there.

~~~

I was idling in the lobby of PPTH waiting for Dunc to show up. The reason that House and his team were even here today on a weekend was because of a case. I wasn't too sure of the details of this one but apparently something happened late last night.

"Take the bus?" I asked Dunc as he walked into the lobby taking off his scarf.

"Unlike you I don't have a parking spot." He grumbled.

Yeah apparently with the amount of volunteer hours I was logging I got a parking spot. It was far away but a free parking spot nonetheless. "You could've asked me to pick you up." I said.

"Your car is a piece of shit dude." Dunc replied as we made our way to the elevator.

I rolled my eyes as I pressed the button. I mean the car works just fine, that's all I could really ask for. "Not all of us are rich like you Lestrade." I said.

"Really? Because Wilson told me who your Uncle was and from what I heard when he died his money went to your Mother which I assume has gone to you now." He said as we got into the empty elevator.

I watched the doors close. I figured this would catch up to me at some point. Going to a school full of rich kids. I figured Ivy was the one who was going to figure it out though. I mean she was the one that found out about Dr. King. "I'm not exactly sure what's happening with the money." I said.

Dunc looked confused. "Why?"

"Uh I bailed from Minnesota the day after my Mom died. I've been a little preoccupied." I said.

The elevator doors open to the floor we were going to. "Why did you even bother looking for your Father if you had that much money?" Dunc asked.

"Because I don't know if I do!" I exclaimed.

A few people turned to look at us which made me freeze up of course.

"What do you mean you don't know if you do?" Dunc said quietly.

I glanced around and the few people who were watching us looked the other way. "Money was a very sensitive topic in my family. I'm not talking about this now." I said and made my way to the DDX Room.

Thankfully House wasn't there. Thirteen and Taub were the only ones in the room at the moment. Thirteen was on the computer and Taub was reading some files. "Looking for House?" Thirteen said without moving her eyes from the computer.

"Who's that?" Taub asked about Dunc.

"Uh no and this-" I started but Dunc cut me off.

"A friend Duncan Lestrade. I'm also one of Dr. Wilson patients." He introduced me.

"We both go to Princeton Prep." I said.

"You go to Princeton Prep?" Taub asked.

I looked at him blankly. Does House never talk about me? I mean that's fine I don't really care but I feel like the fact that I wear the uniform around the hospital a lot would shed some light on the subject. "Yes?"

"He pays for that?" Thirteen asked, surprised.

"I'm there on scholarship." I said with a sigh.

The looks on both of their faces went from confused to oh that makes a lot more sense.

"What do you need?" Taub asked.

I looked back and forth between the two of them. Jeez I hate this.

"He needs to schedule a physical to join the Cheerleaders." Dunc said for me.

I glared at him. I did NOT want the hospital to know I was joining the Cheerleaders just yet. I guess it's not too surprising I mean after the whole Spider-Man thing but still. 

"Cheerleaders?" Taub asked.

Great job Dunc. Great job. "I used to be a gymnast." I said softly.

Taub just looked shocked but Thirteen wasn't. "When are you available?" She asked.

I blinked. "I'm here every Wednesday and Friday and most Tuesdays and Thursdays." I said.

"Next Wednesday at 3 work?" Thirteen asked.

I pulled out my phone to double-check my calendar. "Yes." I said and put it in the calendar.

I muttered thanks on my way out of the DDX Room with Dunc.

"See, was that hard?" Dunc said.

"Did you have to tell them I was joining the Cheerleaders?" I huffed.

"I mean they'll find out soon enough." He shrugged.

"I'm not so sure anymore. Like they didn't even know I went to Princeton Prep." I said.

"Yeah, that was a little weird." Dunc said. "Oh and next year you won't be able to volunteer on Fridays."

"Why?" I asked.

"Football games duh." He said.

Oh right yeah. This is going to be interesting.

~~~

I rested my head in my hands after I sat down at the lunch table. I was a bit of an idiot last night and stayed up all night gaming on my Xbox 360. Because it's December I was trying to figure out a Christmas present for House and I thought some gaming would help… It didn't. I just got no sleep and zero ideas. Wilson is easy enough. I have some props from some musicals that my Uncle gave to me a while back. Sure it's regifting but like he's more into that stuff than me. I even have some ideas for House's Team, Dunc and Ivy but House? No clue.

"What's bothering you?" Ivy asked.

I guess you could say Ivy has become my friend now? Despite her being the Cheerleading Captain she actually doesn't have many friends because she tends to piss people off. You could literally stab Dunc and he wouldn't care and I have House for a Father so it's gonna take a lot for her to piss us off.

"Trying to think of a Christmas present for House. I was up all night thinking about it." I mumbled.

"Really? I thought you were up all night playing Dragon Age Origins." Dunc said.

I glared at him. I bought the game recently. "I can multitask."

"Clearly not very well." He said.

"Yeah well, you try having House as a Father for a day and come back to me." I said.

"Can I have Wilson instead?" Dunc joked.

"No. He's actually nice." I mumbled.

Ivy looked back and forth between us. "Isn't Wilson your Doctor?" She asked Dunc.

"Yeah." He said with a shrug.

Ivy thought for a moment. "How did you two meet?" She asked.

I laughed. "Oh man, that was hilarious. You remember that Dunc."

"Pfft, how could I? I almost died from second-hand embarrassment." He said.

"Yeah, I'm so glad Wilson didn't judge me too hard on that first impression."

"Dude that's how you met Wilson?!" Dunc exclaimed.

"Unfortunately." I sighed.

"What happened?" Ivy asked, clearly annoyed that we were leaving her in the dark.

"Right so what happened was this-"

___

Part of me really wished I didn't mention that I was good with computers to Dr. Cuddy when I asked her about volunteering. Once she heard that she totally glanced over everything I said about wanting to become a Doctor someday so it would be nice to see something medical related… Yeah she immediately stuck me with Bill The IT Guy because he's like the only IT person for the whole hospital so he's a BIT overwhelmed. But you know it's fine. 

The main issue I'm having now is that Bill is having me running around the hospital a lot and well I really don't know the place that well yet. Yeah I don't know it at all. I mean sure I can find my way to the lobby like 60% of the time but that's about it. I'm currently lost again. I was just grabbing myself a Mountain Dew and a Coffee for Bill at the cafeteria but got lost on my way to IT. Man I've been on so many floors today I'm not even sure what floor it's on anymore.

I turned around a few times trying to look for one of the floor signs that are usually all over the place but apparently are never there when you need them to be. If I was going to guess I was in Oncology. Because you know…

I finally found a floor sign and went over to it but unfortunately IT wasn't on there. I forgot it never freaking is. No one ever goes to IT. I did notice a cute guy my age staring at me from one of the couches. Must be taking a break from his room. I wasn't paying attention when I turned back around so that I bumped into a Doctor spilling the Coffee that I had got for Bill on him. "Oh God I'm so sorry." I said, my face turning bright red. I scrambled to get something to help clean up the mess.

"Hey it's no problem. New volunteer?" He asked, pointing at my badge.

"Y-Yeah Jay Flynn. Helping out Bill in IT because I told Dr. Cuddy I was good with computers but I do kinda wish I could be doing something else." I said without thinking. Wow Jay why the fuck did you just tell him that. He's probably going to tell Dr. Cuddy you just messed everything up.

"Ah well Bill can use all the help he can get. I'm Dr. Wilson by the way. You lost?" He asked.

My face got even redder. "Yeah I forgot where IT is." I mumbled.

"Oh that would be an issue. I guess the coffee was for Bill?" He said.

I just nodded.

"Right well-" Wilson started to say but was interrupted by the cute guy I saw earlier.

"I can show him where IT is Wilson." He said.

Wilson looked at the guy. "Have you had a walk yet?"

"No." He said.

Wilson squinted. "Alright fine."

The cute guy waited for Dr. Wilson to turn the corner before speaking up again. "Okay here's the deal. I can help you out but I need you to help me out."

I blinked. "What?"

"Right so I noticed your Princeton Prep uniform you wear around here and like dude really get some other clothes. But you might've heard of me, I'm Duncan Lestrade." He started.

Right okay wow he's just gonna do this right here right now. "Uh yeah, the dude with cancer." I said.

"Obviously. Anyway. I overheard some of your conversation with Wilson and I assume you're volunteering here because our school's medical club sucks ass." He went on.

I nodded.

"Right so I can put a word in for you with Wilson and Cuddy about volunteering over in Oncology if you tutor me in Science." He finished.

I thought for a moment. "So you're assuming that because I'm volunteering at a hospital I want to be a Doctor so I must be good at Science?" I asked.

"Am I wrong?" He asked.

"Well no but like…"

"What's the problem then?" He said.

I huffed. "Okay fine deal but I'm not calling you Lestrade like everyone else does at school."

"Why?" He asked.

"I don't know it sounds kind of classy, I don't really like it." I said.

"You go to a school full of rich people and you don't like classy?" He asked.

"I'm there on scholarship." I said.

"Hm all the more reason for you to tutor me… Jay Flynn." He said while pulling on my badge.

I pulled my badge back. "Okay, Dunc." I said.

"Really you're going to call me Dunc? I haven't been called that since I was like 6." He said.

"Yeah? Well, get used to it Dunc." I said with a smirk.

___

"You didn't even know where IT was." I said throwing a fry at Dunc.

"I obviously needed an excuse to talk to you." He said.

"He acted like such a rich prick at first." I said to Ivy.

"Yeah, I was kinda surprised when I heard the Football Kicker was hanging out with the new scholarship nerd and that you two weren't like together or anything." She said.

"I mean he was tutoring me." Dunc said.

"Oh come on everyone knows what tutoring means half of the time." She scoffed.

"What?" I asked.

Both of them looked at me. "God for how smart you're supposed to be you are so oblivious sometimes." Ivy said.

"People thought we were hooking up?" I squeeked.

"Yeah, I had to set the record straight." Dunc explained.

I looked at the two of them blankly. God, I have no idea about the drama that goes on in this school, do I? I get a bit of The PPTH drama from eavesdropping and House and Wilson but I don't really care too much. I'm more focused on my own life that has more than enough of its own drama. "You didn't think to mention it to me?" I said.

"You were uh dealing with stuff at the time." Dunc said.

I just stared at him.

"You know, coming out to House." He said.

Oh right. "Oh Ivy knows Dunc. She found out about my gymnastic past so there's stuff about me being trans. Man, that sucks that I'm constantly being outed." I complained.

"Couldn't you like change your last name?" Ivy asked.

I froze. I mean yes obviously but like the most reasonable one to change it to would be House and… "Hi for Christmas I'd like your last name House." I joked.

Dunc snorted.

"Just become a fae and steal it. You're Irish right?" Ivy joked.

"Ah yeah, simple let me just become a fae real quick." I shot back.

"We've somehow circled back to Christmas presents." Dunc pointed out.

"Ugh right, what the hell am I going to get him." I grumbled.

"A name change obviously." Ivy said.

"Ha very funny." I said.

"What's he like?" Dunc asked, trying to be helpful.

I sighed. "Yeah I thought about that but like… All I really know about is Motorcycles, Monster Trucks and Music."

Ivy stared at me for a moment. "Monster Trucks?"

"Yeah, apparently he likes to watch those I don't know." I said with a shrug.

"And you hate Motorcycles." Dunc said.

I nodded.

"Music is vague." Ivy said.

"He plays Guitar and Piano. Listens to a bunch of stuff but uh hates musicals so that's something that he and Wilson don't agree on." I explained.

"Oh, so Wilson is a musical gay shocking." Dunc joked.

"I'm pretty positive he's Bi first of all." I said.

"I'm just saying." He said.

I rolled my eyes. The bell rang signaling that lunch was over. "Well, that was no help thanks though." I said standing up.

"Sorry I can't always save your ass." Dunc said.

I scoffed. "Right gotcha."

He winked at me.

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Oh get a room."

~~~

"Bill?" I said after I walked into IT and didn't notice him right away. I set down my backpack and Mountain Dew but kept holding the coffee that I grabbed on my way up for Bill. 

"Servers." A muffled Scottish accent said. 

"I'll leave the coffee out here then." I said before making my way to the server closet. I leaned against the door. "What's up?"

"Just checking a few things." Bill said looking at me. "Slow day."

"Because of all of my help clearly." I joked.

"Ah well, the coffee is nice." He said with a smirk.

"Ouch, I'm hurt." I said and fakingly clutched my chest.

"Get out of my server closet." He said shooing me out of the doorway.

"Don't have to tell me twice to leave a closet." I joked.

"Ack you and your gay jokes. I guess it makes sense living with House and Wilson." He commented after locking the closet.

"Mmm, I had two Moms at one point. If I turned out to be straight that would have been surprising." I said.

Bill just sighed. "Well, I don't have anything for you to do. Does Wilson?"

"Nah he's sick of me too." I said and sat down and the desk that I have slowly taken over. I mean the dude's got a pretty big workspace just to himself so there are multiple desks.

Bill took a sip of the coffee I got for him. "Need help with school work?" He offered.

I just stared at him. Now Bill and I are, you know, friendly with each other. I'm like some of the only social interaction the man gets on some days but like normally we just shoot a few sarcastic comments at each other and he tells me to go off and fix something somewhere. But like I'm a teenager and he's like older than House. Sure I'm a bit curious how a Scottish IT Guy ended up at PPTH but I've been too busy to ask around. "How slow has it been?" I asked.

"Slow enough I've been debating calling my Ex." He complained.

I blinked. Ex? Bill is just telling me about himself? What? I sat up a little. "I mean I know I'm only 16 but like that's probably not a great idea?" I said.

"Eh it wouldn't go anywhere anyway she's in London last I heard." Bill said.

Okay, now I'm curious. "So like-" I started but was cut off by my phone. "Uh, one sec."

Warning on the way to PPTH w Ivy. Found out about ur Uncle. Can hold off 4 bit.

DL

My face fell. Ah great. I don't really want to deal with this right now. House and Wilson still haven't caught on to the fact that I should probably have a bunch of money. Or if they have they haven't mentioned it.

"Who found out about what?" Bill asked.

I looked up. "What?"

"You're not that hard to read Blue Jay." He said.

"My friends found out something about my family and are on their way here." I said.

"House?" He asked.

"No something on my Mom's side it's complicated." I said.

"Try me." Bill said.

I texted back that I was at IT but to take their time. "Right so you know how I go to Princeton Prep?" I said.

Bill nodded.

"Right so I'm there on an academic scholarship. The reason I applied was because you know stuff with House being my Father." I said.

Bill was going to ask a question about that but I stopped him. "Look I don't have time to go into that." I huffed. "Anyway my Uncle was a pretty famous musical actor that died in a helicopter crash a while back. When he died his money went to my Mom. And when my Mom died the logical conclusion would be that I would inherit that money. So I assume my friend Ivy is about to tear me a new one for acting all weird about rich people when I'm probably rich." I explained.

Bill just stared at me for a moment. "Jay what your friends think about you having money or not is not that big of a problem."

Oh, he's right actually. This is like the least of my problems. "That's uh pretty helpful." I mumbled.

"I can be sometimes." Bill said. He stood up and threw away the empty coffee cup. "How long until they get here?" 

"Well assuming Ivy's driving not long." I sighed.

Bill raised an eyebrow. "Fast driver?"

"From what I've heard." I said.

"Well good luck." Bill said while making his way to the door.

"Wait hold up you leaving me?" I asked.

"As much as I'd love to stay and hear about your high school drama I'm needed in one of the lecture halls. Don't forget to lock up when you leave" Bill said and left me alone.

This is going to be great.

10 minutes later Ivy smashed through the door with Dunc mouthing a Sorry shortly behind. "You failed to mention who your Uncle was." She said.

I looked up from my history textbook. "You never asked."

"Lestrade knew!" Ivy exclaimed.

"Wilson mentioned it to him. Not that I wanted him to." I said.

"Here you are this whole time with this 'Oh I'm not Rich Superiority Complex' when in reality you're probably richer than the both of our families combined." Ivy ranted.

I slammed the history textbook on the desk and stood up. "Look Ivy. There's a lot of reasons why I don't like talking about this but if you really want me to go into it I will." I said.

"Explain yourself." Ivy said now in my face.

"Now obviously even if I do have a bunch of money which I mentioned to Dunc I'm not even entirely sure I do. I'd much rather have my Uncle or Mother instead. Connor's money was always a sore subject for my Mom because her being a Single Mom with lots of student loans she had to come to him for help. She never wanted to. Mom was going to pay him back even though Connor said it was unnecessary but then he died and she got all of his money. Mom never touched it. I know she thought about donating it but she was so busy and never had the time to figure out what to do with it. I grew up middle class. The idea of having a lot of money is foreign to me." I explained.

The two of them stood there for a while. No one wanting to break the silence. "Look I'm sorry for misleading you two I just don't know how to handle these things very well." I said.

"Right well how about we all get something to eat." Dunc said.

"I guess that sounds like a plan." Ivy said.

I was about to say I'm still volunteering but Bill walked in. "Ah are these your two friends?" He asked.

"Uh yeah. Duncan Lestrade and Ivy Adler." I said.

"Bill Baxter. I really don't have anything for you to do Jay. You should go have fun with your friends. You won't be a teenager for much longer." He said.

"I uh but-" I started.

"No buts get out." He said.

"Right okay I guess we will get something to eat then." I said.

~~~

I was having trouble making eye contact with Thirteen. We've already done the more invasive parts of the physical but I'm just uncomfortable anyway. We're just in the middle of the questions now.

"Smoke?" She asked.

"No." I said.

"Drink." She asked.

"No." I said.

"Sexually Active?" She asked.

"No." I said.

"Thoughts of harming yourself or others?" She asked.

I paused. Technically no I haven't gotten that far yet but… "No."

Thirteen looked at me clearly noticing my hesitation. "Jay you can be honest with me. You've lost a parent it's not unusual to be experiencing-" She started.

"I'm fine." I said looking at her.

"Wilson told me he's worried." She said.

Of course, he did. I crossed my arms. "He worries about everything. Dude's not even my Dad." I said.

"If you need to talk to someone Jay you can. Doesn't matter who but I'd recommend maybe avoiding House." She said.

Yeah, House probably wouldn't be the best person to talk to.

"Can we move on?" I sighed.

She looked at me for a moment before continuing. "Do you feel unsafe at home?" She asked.

"No." I said.

~~~

After Cheerleading practice Ivy decided to drag me to the mall for Christmas shopping. Seeing as I'm still trying to figure out a present for House , I reluctantly agreed. "This is it?" I asked once we were in the Mall.

Ivy gave me a weird look as we went down the escalator. "Yes?"

"Kinda small." I said with a shrug.

"Aren't you from the Midwest? Malls must be tiny there?" She said.

"Ah well, fun fact about Minnesota is that we were the first State to have a fully enclosed indoor Mall. On top of that, I was a short drive away from The Mall of America so I was a little spoiled." I explained.

"Why do you know such random shit?" Ivy asked as we wandered into some clothing store.

"Dunno. I have a pretty good memory but like I don't really get to choose what I remember." I said.

"So your brain thinks random facts about Malls in Minnesota is important?" She questioned.

"I guess. On the bright side, I'm pretty good at trivia." I said.

Ivy just rolled her eyes. "Anyway. You have feelings for Lestrade?" She asked suddenly.

I froze just holding a random shoe in my hand. "What kind of feelings?" I played dumb.

Ivy was unamused with my attempt at playing dumb. "It's fairly obvious you have a crush on him."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied while setting the shoe down.

"I'm pretty positive he feels the same way." Ivy continued.

"Ha someone having a crush on me? Funny." I joked.

Ivy just rolled her eyes. "Not like you'd ever be the one to make the first move anyway."

"I know that's a sound analysis but it still hurts a little." I huffed.

"Right well you figure out a gift for House yet?" She asked.

"No. We should probably pop in the music store." I said.

"Sounds like a plan." Ivy said.

Thankfully I finally found the perfect thing at the music store.

~~~

I never really mentioned it to House or Wilson but I do enjoy Christmas quite a bit. It's not my favorite holiday. Halloween is that but I don't know there's something about it. It is a bit more somber for me personally this year because it's the first Christmas without my Mom but I'm trying to ignore that fact. So on Christmas Eve, I made my way to PPTH to drop off my presents I got for Kutner, Thirteen, Taub, Foreman, Cuddy, Chase, and of course Bill. I was humming to the Christmas songs on my iPod as I made my way to my first stop, Dr. Cuddy.

Now I know that Cuddy, Taub, and Wilson are Jewish but they all seem to be mostly non practicing for the most part. And I don't think anyone can really argue with receiving a gift right?

I took out my earbuds and knocked on the door. "Come in." Cuddy said.

"Hey." I said while walking up to her desk.

"Oh, Jay I wasn't expecting you. Nice hat." She said.

Yeah, I decided to wear my Santa hat today seeing as I'm dropping off a bunch of gifts. "Thanks! I'm just dropping off a quick gift." I said and pulled the present out of my backpack. Normally I wear my messenger bag to PPTH but I needed a bigger bag… I set the present on her desk.

"Oh wow! I didn't know you were getting anything." She said.

"Uh, no need to get me anything. I just like to give people gifts on Christmas you know. Besides you've been really nice to me and you definitely didn't have to." I said while rubbing the back of my neck.

"You know it really is a wonder how you're related to House sometimes." She joked.

"I'm a prime example of nature vs nurture." I joked back. "I need to get going though I got more people to get to." I said.

"How many people did you get gifts for?" She asked.

"Uhhh… besides House, Wilson, and my friends. Seven people?" I said while counting on my fingers.

"That's a lot." She said looking surprised.

"I guess it is. Isn't it." I said before leaving.

Next on my list is Chase. Hopefully, he's not in the middle of surgery right now.

I found him on his way out of an OR on his way to get some food. "Chase!" I called.

"Oh hey there Blue Jay." He said.

"Not gonna take up too much of your time but I got you a small thing for Christmas." I said and handed Chase the present.

"Never thought I'd see the day I'd get a Christmas present from a House." He joked.

"I mean my last name is technically Flynn but sure." I said.

"Well, thanks Jay." He said.

"Yeah, no problem dude." I said with a thumbs up before running off down the hallway.

I went into IT with You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch blaring from my iPod. Or a least as much as an iPod could. "You're A Mean One Mr. Baxter" I sang along as a joke.

Bill looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "Didn't realize you thought of me that way Mr. Flynn." He said.

"Sorry, it's my favorite Christmas song." I said with a shrug.

"That's your favorite Christmas song?" He asked.

"What can I say? It's a bop." I said.

Bill rolled his eyes. "Why are you here anyway? It's your Christmas break and I would love to not be working." He asked.

"Ah well, you see." I said and pulled out the present. "I have this for you."

"Oh." Bill said.

"Yeah think fast." I said and threw it at him.

Bill caught the present with no hesitation. "I never really took you as the gifting type." He said.

"Well, I always love to subvert expectations." I said and did a curtsy. "Anyway, I have one more stop so bye." I said and waved Bill off.

~~~

Thankfully House's Team was all there. They were doing a differential diagnosis so it makes sense that they would be. I walked in quietly trying to not interrupt. Also because seeing a real differential diagnosis live would be pretty cool.

All of them did take note of me walking in but kept shooting off ideas anyway. House shot most of them down for various reasons. "Do you four really have nothing better than that? I bet Jay could come up with something better and he's only sitting in on medical classes." House ranted at them before turning to me.

All of them were now staring at me.

I looked blankly at House. "You actually want a suggestion?" I asked.

He waved his hand in front of the whiteboard.

I set down my backpack and walked up to the whiteboard to take a better look. "Legionnaires' Disease." I said with a shrug not really sure what to suggest.

The five of them stayed quiet for a moment. "Look I'm in High School I don't really know what I'm talking about." I said softly.

"Kutner and Foreman check the workplace. Thirteen and Taub start him on antibiotics." House said.

The four of them started to get up to leave. "Oh wait! Before you leave. I have Christmas presents for you guys." I said awkwardly.

"You didn't come to show us up?" Taub said.

"N-no?" I said while scrambling to my backpack to get the presents. "Right uh here's Taub's." I said and handed it to him.

He nodded and took it.

"Foreman." I said.

"We've barely talked." He said while taking the present.

"I mean it would be rude to show up here with gifts for everyone but you." I said.

"Thirteen. Thanks for the physical." I said whispering the last part.

"No problem Jay." She said.

Taub and Thirteen left to tend to the patient and Foreman went to wait for Kutner outside. "Last but not least." I said handing Kutner his present.

"You're still on for Star Trek the day after Christmas right?" He asked and walked over to another part of the room.

"I mean yeah." I said.

"Great! Here." He said and handed me a gift back.

"Oh!" I said.

"What not expecting one?" He said.

"I mean you're the first person to give me one in return so yes?" I said.

"Oh… Well, you're a pretty cool kid. Besides you need that." He said while tapping the present he got me.

"Well you don't need what I got you but I hope you like it." I said with a smile.

"I sure I will. I better get going before House notices I'm still here." Kutner said and left.

I tucked Kutner's present in my backpack and glanced at House's office. I can only hope that he'll like what I got him.

~~~

"You know I swear we had more eggnog." Wilson said.

"Yeah weird." I said like I totally didn't drink quite a bit. House found out but he didn't care. Only Wilson is in the dark.

"Maybe you drank more than you thought." House said.

Nice cover House…

Wilson glared at him.

I bounced up to a standing position on the couch. "Right we're doing presents now. I've been waiting far too long with you two being at work all day." I said pointing at House and Wilson.

"You could've just opened them." House said making his way to the couch.

"Actually no. It's my first Christmas with you two so we're doing this at least once." I said.

And the first Christmas without Mom.

Wilson chuckled and grabbed his gift for me and threw it in my lap. "Go wild."

"For Blue Jay, you've been needing a new one of these. Love Wilson." I read the tag before opening.

My eyes lit up at the new binder. "How do you know my size?" I asked.

"He checked your laundry." House said.

"Oh. That's pretty obvious I guess." I said. "Thank you so much Wilson." I said and hugged him.

Wilson was a little surprised by the hug. Then again he doesn't know I'm buzzed so you know. "Okay, so you have to open mine for you now." I said and handed him the present.

Wilson read the tag with a small smile. "Is this?" He asked after opening the present.

"Yes! Uncle Connor gave me a lot of props from the musicals he was in. You're more into that stuff so." I said.

"That's probably worth some money." House said.

"Yeah." Wilson said wide-eyed.

I laughed. "I'm glad you like it. Here House." I said and threw him his gift.

He caught it. "Very light."

I shrugged.

House opened the present. It's a flaming guitar strap. "To match your cane." I said with a smirk.

Wilson chuckled which made me lose my composure and start laughing too. 

He got up and put the strap on one of his guitars. "Bitchin." He said.

Wilson and I laughed harder.

House sat back down on the couch this time strumming some Christmas songs. He slid me a large envelope. "Here Kid."

"You got me a massive card?" I joked.

House kept playing the guitar.

I opened it. Looks like some sort of legal documents. "Is this?" I asked.

House stopped playing. "Wilson asked your friends what you wanted. Told them you said you hated how you were constantly getting outed by your last name. Even joked that you'd like a name change for Christmas." He said.

"And you're fine with it?" I asked.

He shrugged. "You're my son. Jay House makes sense."

I bit my lip. Wow okay, Jay don't cry. That eggnog definitely didn't seem like a great idea now.

House got up and put the guitar back. Once it was back I ran up and hugged him."Thanks… Dad." I said."

"Oh okay. You're definitely not getting eggnog next year." House said.

"You gave him WHAT!" Wilson exclaimed.

"Wilson we're having a moment." I whined.

"I didn't give it to him. I walked in on Jay drinking the rest of the Eggnog." House said and pulled me off of him.

Wilson pinched the bridge of his nose. "So you just covered for him?"

"He's 16." House said with a shrug.

"House not only is the drinking age 21 but he's a minor." Wilson said.

I listened to the two of them argue while I opened Kutner's present. "Oh, dope." I said.

They turned to me. "Who's that from?" Wilson asked.

"Kutner." I said and balanced the Star Trek The Next Generation DVD Box Set on my head.

Wilson just sighed.

"Oh! I should text him thanks!" I said and ran off to grab my phone in my room.

Thank 4 Sar Trek I"v ben wantin it

JF… ER WAITTT JH!!!

A few minutes later a text was sent back.

I assume u are drunk. Thx 4 matching Communicator Pin not sure what it sig means I guess I'll find out later.

LK

I tried to explain it in another text.

Nam different nowww!

JH

Kutner decided rightly to not respond.

AN: Wow I forgot how long this chapter was... Sorry for the long delay. This chapter has been written for a while too I have no excuse. Will I ever get to an update schedule of one fanfic update per week? Not at this rate...

[prettylittlebrownskingyal]

Your commentary on titans 👌👌 give us the full review

My main problem with Titans is that there is (a.) no logical and solid justification for these characters and their actions and (b.) this may just be the film nerd in me— but there’s no emotional payoff.

 What irks me more is that the cast is incredible. They’re likeable and capable of handling emotion and they can clearly deal with more than they’re given.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure from writers to showrunners to directors and crew— a lot of work and time and energy has been put into the production of this show.  But these characters are so iconic and in my nitwit opinion, it’s almost painful to see their potential go to waste.

And I say potential because there are moments— mystical and magical, full of hope and wonder and rich comic goodness that make you want more. But they fall flat. 

“Families can be fucked up.”

Titans is supposed to be about family. They literally end the last episode with the song “We are Family.” So why would these people— who supposedly view each other as found family— abandon each other at every given opportunity?

They gang up on Jason in the tower when only moments before they were all fired up about saving the kid from Dr. Light. Gar gets left behind by himself with an unconscious, cleary dangerous super clone. Donna and Dawn fully agree to let Dick rot in prison.

These actions do not reflect people who care for each other. Who want to protect and keep each other safe. Why would this be the core emotional catalyst for any development whatsoever when no actual families are portrayed?

Also, here are two established families featured this season and there were no attempts to have them act as foils for each other even though that would have made clear sense. The Wilsons and the Waynes. Two kids that share stoic father figures that are linked to their trauma. Rose and Jericho have no relationship. No communication. No reason to trust each other. Also, why does Rose immediately give up her life for her father?

Dick and Jason’s relationship had some moments that could have been great to both of their character developments. Dick is his best when he’s being a big brother to Gar and Rachel. Why not let him be the same for Jason?

Here are some things I’d do differently.

1.) No Conner storyline

 Conner, Krypto and Eve’s episode (episode 6) was quite possibly the best of the season. It’s because a family dynamic is clearly established. (It’s a little weird, I’ll admit) But these characters rely on each other. They look out for each other. They care.  (“You didn’t abandon me”// “Can I call you mom?”// “Hot dogs? Get it?”– i ate that shit up)

That being said, it also feels like Conner was just created so they’d have someone to save Jason from his fall. 

The introduction of CADMUS as another antagonist when Slade is a major, overpowering one feels like too many things to juggle at once. If they’d held out, Conner and CADMUS would have been great as the main focal point for a whole season.

2.) More Jericho

Jericho was essentially the highlight of the season. I can’t tell if it was the way he was written or the way Chella portrayed him but that’s what Titans really needs. 

humanity. kindness. friendship and family ties. 

why couldn’t he have had more time with the Titans? why couldn’t he have a relationship with Rose? 

I’d have let him explore his abilities more. His relationship with his mom, with Slade, with each of the Titans. 

They needed to have actual bonding with him. Not just a shoddy backstory.

3.) Better treatment of Rose

Rose Wilson could have been so much more than just a plot point. More than an informant. All she did this season was eat cereal, say “i’m out” and then solve a major fight plot point in fifteen minutes. We needed more of her training, her relationships, her justifications to just pick and fall into a life of an assassin. 

She and Jason had some decent moments of believable cheesy teen behaviour between them but not enough to cover the gaping hole in Jason’s storyline.

4.) Jason needs more emotional moments!!

Not going to lie, I wasn’t sure Curran Walters could do big emotional scenes or make me care as much as he did. But he did. He’s got the bratty, troubled Jason down but he needs to be more fleshed out.

Like Rose, he feels like a caricature of a troubled teen. Where’s his interaction with Bruce? His backstory? His impulsivity and need to prove himself to Dick should be established but it’s not.

That scene where he learns that Rose has been using them all along? That was better than most of what we’ve seen him do.

5.) Donna as a big sister// Donna’s relationship with loss

You’re telling me “older smarter prettier”// “you can crash at my place” Donna Troy who took care of Dick would not look at these kids and want to help? After all Diana’s taught her? WACK

Also Donna and Garth’s relationship? It felt forced. He literally said “I love you” and then died. C’mon man, really? At least give them a pre-established relationship.

6.) Kory?? what happened y’all?

She felt so underutilized this season. Anna Diop is a star. She delivers her performance so well. The moment she heals Conner, her rushing to save Rachel— she has this essence of kindness that fits so well with her strength and the potency of her powers. 

She’s a gifted, royal powerhouse.

So why give her a runaround, stretched out storyline? Why make her kill someone she cared about? 

7.) Hank and Jason?//Dawn, Donna and Kory?// Dick & Gar

The dynamic between these characters whether seen or hinted at could have literally carried full episodes. Why consistently break them apart? Or make them fight or ignore each other? Why not let them play into each other, learn from each other? INTERACT??

8.) Bruce// Dick’s version of Bruce

I like Iain Glen as an older version of Bruce Wayne. I like that he’s a bit quirky, snarky, an asshole and he  says things like “no shit.” But he doesn’t serve much of a purpose and he feels like an instant solution in certain situations. Plus he has no interaction with Jason.

That being said, the use of him as Dick’s voice of reason/subconscious does hone in on the question that Dick keeps trying to run away from— “What would Batman do?” That works for his character. It works for his growth. Their dynamic is wonderful but ultimately, not necessary. 

9.) Donna dying?

That WHOLE scene was so out of place. Why would that have happened after the climax of the story? As an extra source of angst?

Again, the Titans are separated by death. Again, a sense of a family is built up and torn down. No one should have to die for a real sense of familial bond to be established.

10.) Deathstroke’s character//takedown

He’s supposed to be the main antagonist and they all have beef with him. Rightfully, everyone should have gotten a chance in that battle. It happened way too quickly and was very anticlimactic for the old Titans.

Also, Slade killing one of their friends with one, single bullet to the chest literally does nothing for me. Especially since Aqualad is supposed to be a Titan. There’s no real conflict, no tangible establishment of hate. Where’s the torture? the real hurt?

11.) Gar, Dick and Hank and their repeated storylines

they all went through the same arcs again. Dick with his Batman struggle. Hank and his own darkness. Gar and his struggle with control and being controlled and experimented on.

This season should have been about Dick coming into his own as Nightwing. About Gar finally having some normalcy and a place that he feels safe in. He should have gotten some redemption as a hero. Hank (and i hate to say, i hope i don’t sound ridiculous but) should have gotten some resolution with Dawn. Either they’re in or out because the back and forth they do with each other is incredibly toxic and they’ve been established as smart enough to see that.

It wasn’t all bad though and I’ll probably end up doing a re-watch sometime. Since I’ve pretty much spouted asshole nonsense, here are some of the best moments:

The end of the first episode where they’re all standing around their cars and laughing? GOLD. More of that cheesy, established friendship.

Jericho hugging Dick, Dick being unsure how to deal with warmth and forgiveness. Everybody say thank you to Chella for improvising that.

Kory and Donna being detectives and arguing over jelly doughnuts? Yes, please! I love them together. How they clearly knew each other, how they worked well together to take out Shimmer. 

Kory speaking Kryptonian. Anything that furthers her development brings me joy.

Conner saving Jason. That was pretty comic book like— I liked it. 

All the scenes Krypto’s in.

Hank telling Dawn that he knows what Jason’s probably feeling. That was emotional and heartfelt. Also, Hank going “Atta boy” when they were on the phone with Slade. I’m really upset they couldn’t have a brotherly relationship because their characters are quite similar.

Gar, Jason and Rachel interacting like friends/teammates/siblings. Their dynamic works. I’d love to have seen the three of them take on a challenge together.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League #2 (1987)

I didn't know Orgazmo was in this comic book.

Once again, I'm surprised by how quickly an old comic book I read years ago gets to some of the stories I think of as major story arcs. These pseudo-Marvel heroes on the cover are the precursor to The Extremists whom I remember as major antagonists to this team. I don't know if The Extremists appear any time soon though. First, the Justice League have to deal with these peaceniks. Only after they've become allies with Blue Jay and Bald Thor and Brown Scarlet Witch do the Extremists finally come to destroy Earth. The issue begins with Kevin Maguire going, "Look at these lips. You like these lips and this mouth. Well, you're gonna get lots of them! Even Maxwell Lord gets some lovely pouty face slugs!"

I'm sorry for referring to lips as "face slugs."

Batman's main goal is to get to the bottom of how Doctor Light became a member of his League. He'd already hired Black Canary so why would he need another woman in the group? Isn't a ratio of eight men to one woman good enough?! I'm counting Oberon in the number of men just to make it seem even more lopsided. Although Doctor Fate has already ditched (and will become a woman soon anyway, right?!) so, not including Oberon, that makes the ratio six to one! Getting better! Plus add Doctor Light since she was on the cover and has somehow forced her way in, a ratio of six to two! That's three to one if you reduce it! Which is practically one to one if you squint and put your fingers in your ears and go, "Nyah nyah nyah! Everything is already equal! Why are women fighting for more than they already have?!" Anyway, my point was: Fucking Batman. What a monster!

I wouldn't think a sleeveless vest with a wacky collar layered on top of a turtle neck with elbow length white gloves would look so cool!

I prefer to concentrate on Guy's outfit rather than his misogyny and lack of intelligence and terrible haircut. In this issue is an advert for the all new Dr. Fate four issue mini-series by Giffen and DeMatteis. So that solves the mystery of why he was sort of included in the first issue. He was basically a commercial. Jack Ryder's gossip television show has been trying to portray the new Justice League in a negative light because that's the kind of reporting that gets eyeballs and raises revenue. Maybe if people's lives weren't so boring, they wouldn't eat up all that hot take drama shit from people like Jack Ryder and Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson and Laura Ingraham. I suppose I shouldn't wonder how rational people watch that shit because most people, rational or not, are just looking for somebody to repeat their inner views back to them. And Fox News has honed that ability to a razor edge. Sometimes I imagine Sean Hannity doesn't believe the stupid shit he comes up with but then I remember my high school and college friend Soy Rakelson and I think, "Oh yeah. He actually believes that shit."

I recently found this letter by Soy from our college paper. It's been in my head since 1994 when I could not fucking believe he wrote it. Poor, poor discriminated Soy, self-declared "Defender of Western Civilization."

One small note about Soy: maybe a month or two after Trump became president, he quietly disappeared from Facebook for good. I won't speculate on why but I suppose if I spent some time trying, I'd probably come up with his actual reasoning. After Guy throws another tantrum that has to be quelled by Batman, Doctor Fate gets a scene of his own! I guess he didn't completely disappear from the comic book. At least not yet. Although, if Doctor Fate sticks around for a dozen or more issues, I'm going to feel even more shitty than I already feel about my memory. Doctor Fate visits some purple haired guy who sees everything as gray and warns him to take back up his destiny. I don't know who it is. The only purple haired character I remember is Pariah. But what is his destiny other than to watch worlds burn? Also, he has other selves across the world reaching into people's souls. Is he Jim Corrigan? I have no idea! Meanwhile, Blue Jay, Wandjina, and Silver Sorceress (whose costume is brown), from Earth-Marvel-Parodies (or some other new world, I suppose. In 1987, there was just one Earth left, right?), are busy dismantling Bialya's nuclear arsenal. Bialya is one of DC's evil countries. Sometimes you don't want to write a story that exists in a gray world; you just want pure black and white, good and evil. When that's the case, you have the heroes battle Bialyans! Blue Jay and friends are here to rid the Earth of all their nuclear weapons so as to save it from the fate that befell their homeworld. The leader of Bialya sees an opportunity for mischief and power and the destruction of America, so he greets them with open arms. Rumaan Harjavti, the leader of Bialya, teams up with Blue Jay and Friends to help guide them to other nations who have nuclear weapons that need to be disposed of. The first country he sends them to is Israel. Probably because it's close by and not because he has ulterior racist motives. Guy Gardner hears the news and is thrilled because he gets a boner imagining a world where only Ronald Reagan has control over a nuclear arsenal.

When he first mentioned Ronnie, I thought it was a mistake. I forgot how old this comic book is!

Batman is all, "We're going to stop these peaceniks from making the world a safer place!" Because if there's one story that can't be told enough it's the one where we all learn a lesson about how the ends do not justify the means, no matter how amazing the ends will be and how messy the means are. I suppose the ends justify the means if the means are compassionately thought out and done with respect for all parties' opinions! So maybe sometimes the ends justify the means? Or does the statement not work that way because the point is that you can't just make that blanket statement. Like, do you murder five million people to save one little girl's life? Probably not! Or do I have it completely wrong and everybody thinks the ends do justify the means? Anyway, Batman doesn't think world peace should be achieved through the destruction of other people's dangerous property. It's basically the same story that season one of Stargirl just told. The Injustice Society of America wants to make the world a leftist dreamscape but at the cost of 25 million lives or something. And the Justice Society is all, "Well, we really like your manifesto. We agree with all of these points. But maybe the cost is too high?" So in the end, I was left supporting the Injustice Society of America because I guess I believe the ends do justify the means?! Also, I'm fairly certain I don't like a quarter of the population so good riddance? But also maybe the entire season of Stargirl was some sort of anti-leftist parable about how you have to let people come to their own decisions about saving the world because forcing them to get on board is rude and it's better if climate change destroys the world than to force one person to believe that manmade climate change is an actual thing? I had philosophical whiplash by the end of Stargirl season one. One character is all, "Murder is wrong!" and then goes and murders somebody and another character is all "I need revenge because this monster killed my parents!" and then he gets all merciful and lets Solomon Grundy go so he can kill other parents and the Injustice Society is all, "We'll kill indiscriminately to make the world a better place for our rich white kids!" and then their all, "A lot of rich white people's kids are going to die from our plan but that's okay because they're not ours." Also, the worst part of the show, the part of the show that I cannot forgive, is how they introduced us to Doctor Mid-Nite's sad owl back at the abandoned JSA headquarters and Luke Wilson is all, "Yeah, he's just waiting for Doctor Mid-Nite to return. It's sad, right? He just hangs out here alone super sad." And then Beth becomes the new Doctor Mid-Nite and you keep expecting the owl to befriend her but the owl never appears, ever again. Every episode, when the sad owl didn't appear onscreen, I was reminded of the sad owl. So every minute of every episode, I kept thinking, "Is the owl going to befriend Beth now?" And nothing. The season ends with the sad owl still super sad and all alone and fuck the writers and showrunners for that. I suppose they couldn't afford a CGI owl after ejaculating all of their CGI money on the five minute Solomon Grundy fight. I just digressed so much I need to take a shower.

Guy and I are in 99.5% agreement about the dismantling of nuclear weapons. That last bit is where he thinks the U.S.A. should get to keep theirs.

Everybody treats Guy Gardner like his argument isn't even worth listening to but they're all wrong! They're just treating him like a dumb jerk! Sure, I agree that the Justice League just can't take it upon themselves to rid the world of all nuclear weapons. I mean, do I?! Hmm. I'm not so sure I do agree with that! If Superman really cared about Earth, shouldn't he martyr himself by becoming the biggest criminal in the history of the entire world by destroying all nuclear weapons against the will of every nation that has them?! There are plenty of other planets in the DCU that he could go live on after becoming a giant Earth menace! Can't he even make that small sacrifice for the safety of his homeworld?! And if his actions cause some kind of horrible repercussions that cause the world to spiral into chaos, he can probably just blame Batman. Silver But Really Brown Sorceress questions if what they're doing is right. Bald Thor says, "In the end they'll thank us. And even if they don't, at least they'll be alive to hate us." See?! That's what I just said about Superman! He should totally take that bullet! That was not a tasteless George Reeves joke and even if somebody read it that way, it's been like a hundred years since his death! Blue Jay and Friends tell each other their origin story as they remember how their world was destroyed by nuclear weapons and how they decided to interfere with everybody else's lives because of it. I think their origin was supposed to make me see their side of things and feel empathy for them but it totally made me rethink their position and now I totally think they need to be stopped. Because I was fine when I thought the argument was "Destroy all nuclear weapons to save Earth." But I dislike the argument, "Something bad happened to me and now I have to make sure it never happens to anybody else no matter how annoying I make myself!" It's like when somebody's dumb kid gets hit by a bus while riding their bike and then they have to get a law passed making it illegal for busses to run over kids and to name the law after their kid and to get politicians who support the law because it doesn't really change anything (being that busses running over kids was probably already frowned upon if not illegal) but it's good press and makes it look like they're doing something. Then after the dumb law is passed, the parents of the dumb kid can say things like, "My baby didn't die in vain!" Even if that's totally untrue and their baby did die in vain and the law never actually makes the world a better place at all. Guy rushes in to stop Blue Jay and Friends all alone but fails because writers can't reward brash arrogant heroes who are mostly just big jerks. It would be unseemly.

So far, I've liked the bits with Captain Marvel but I'm still weirded out that he's a little boy in a grown man's muscular body.

Blue Jay and Friends fly into Bialyan airspace and the Justice League have to back off. But they'll get another chance to stop Blue Jay and Friends next issue when Blue Jay and Friends try to disarm Russia! Justice League #2 Rating: B+. It gets too complicated when super heroes bump up against the wall of political conflicts. When Batman points out that the Justice League can't chase Blue Jay and Friends into Bialyan airspace without creating an international incident, some readers might start questioning how super heroes can act even within the borders of one specific country! Surely every time they commit their vigilantism, they're creating a domestic incident! Don't make me start asking questions about the fundamental nature of masked people doing whatever the fuck they think is justice without the consent of any kind of laws or political powers, comic book! This is too heady for my tastes! I guess the whole point is to eventually have the Justice League backed by the United Nations so that the reader can think, "Okay, right. So they have the authority to do whatever they want now if I'm willing to believe the United Nations has any real authority at all!" And then the reader goes on to prove the moon landing never happened and that Project Cloverleaf rains human excrement down on our heads on a daily basis for some kind of Nazi experimentation.

[salty-donut-collecter]

Why Not?

Part Twenty-One

Part Twenty    {Masterlist}    Part Twenty-Two

Chapter Word Count: 1,108

Trigger Warnings: Negativity, panic attacks, possibly mentions of accidents and such

Please tell me if I need to tag anything else :)

*Also, I’m planning on having this story as a slow burn, so please be prepared ;)

Prompts: “Do I look like I give a fuck?”, “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I’m feeling a lot of  it.”, and “Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.”

A/N: Happy reading! (Also, feel free to comment your thoughts! I love reading comments :))

Also, if you’d like to be added to the tags list, please let me know! :D

        _____________________________________________________

Sitting upright, you loudly sighed as you ran your hands through your hair. Your fingers tangled, you got them out, it was fine. It's all fine.

But what if it really... wasn't?

Your curiosity got the better of you as you sat to think. Well, you were trying to think, anyway.

You should-- no.

A pause.

Well...

It was illegal, but you wanted answers. They were so attainable, too.

So is imprisonment. You thought.

...

It only took you about five more minutes of battling with your conscience, and not long after that to hack into HYDRA's files, and the 'AVENGER INITIATIVE' files.

After that, it was just sorting through everything you thought was connected, and everything you thought was stuff to ask about another day. (An Example would be the weird shit you'd seen on some of the adoption sheets you saw.)

When you saw it, and you pieced it together, your breath just kind of... stopped. Your eyes went wide, and you felt a shiver down your spine.

Slamming your laptop closed, you begin to panic.

"Y/n L/n, are you alright? Do I need to inform..." that was the last thing you heard F.R.I.D.A.Y. say before the blackout that ensued moments later.

...

You woke up, strapped to a stretcher in the lab, an IV strip in your arm, and both Tony and Stephen at your side, staring at you intensely. The sound of a heartbeat-- your heartbeat-- rang out from the monitor next to you, telling everyone that you were awake, yet calm. You didn't really understand what'd happened for a few moments, but you started to remember what'd happened before you'd blacked out.

The file you'd put together under the 'AVENGER INITIATIVE'  having to deal with Micheal was printed and on the table next to you, a picture of your foster brother peaking out.

As you looked at it,  you felt the panic swell in your chest again. You didn't really remember why, until the golden America boy himself walked in with a glare that could kill off all the bloodlines of everyone in the building. (Or in simpler terms, he was not happy, and looked like he'd gotten literally zero hours of sleep.) You observed the hickeys on his neck, but decided to think nothing of it as you met his gaze with a stern look of your own. (Look at the balls on you, eh?)

"Steve, you look upset. Do you want to talk about it?" Bad move on your behalf, but you didn't so much as look as he clenched his jaw and fists, narrowing his eyes at you angrily.

You noticed the way Tony cringed, and the way Stephen held back a sigh. Your heart rate monitor beep faster, but you didn't visibly react in any other way. The panic in your chest was still there, but it was growing quieter in comparison to your quickly growing rage.

"You might as well tell me when my funeral is, cause y'all look like you're gonna kill me." You sighed, trying to lighten up because for some reason they couldn't. This had been far from the first time you'd passed out from an anxiety attack, so how was this time different? Did you actually die this time? (If so, why the fuck would they care?)

You heard a sigh come from behind you, which caused you not to flinch, but instead slowly look behind the stretcher as much as you could manage. It was Bruce, Natasha, Clint (who honestly look pretty happy and amused), T'challa, Rhodey, a pouting Wade Wilson, and finally, the infamous Nicholas Fury.

Aside from Clint, Fury actually didn't look mad at you. He looked more amused or impressed, and you had no doubt in your mind someone had called him cause they had no idea what the fuck they were going to do with you.

"Fury." you tried to nod.

Nick nodded back, then slowly moved past Banner to your "bed" side. After a moment of looking into your eyes, which you didn't really understand at first, he began to undo the straps of your arms. For the entirety of you being awake, you had barely moved, and the restraints hadn't moved much either. You were in an almost completely calm state, with understandable amounts of anger and panic.

Bruce reached a hand out, "Don't." he sternly muttered.

You felt a ping of something similar to betrayal, but you pushed it aside.

"She's not a threat anymore, Dr." Fury stared him down as he spoke, pausing on his job loosening the restraints, "She hasn't moved since she woke up, and she's in no position to be talked to." He undid the rest of the strap on your left hand, moving in to work on your arm's strap, "Besides, it's not like you don't have the ability to debilitate her without the straps is it?"

There was silence.

"That's what I thought."

The silence continued.

...

It didn't take long for you to be sitting on the edge of the couch in the Living room. What did take forever, though, was the conversation that ensued.

"Is anyone gonna tell me why I was strapped to a stretcher with an IV? Cause, not gonna lie, that's something I've been curious about." Y/n asked.

Everyone in the room was quiet for a moment. You wondered if it'd have been the same way with your siblings, or if they'd have gotten to the point with you by now. Well, you were almost sure that they would've gotten to the point because Micheal was really bad about hiding his feelings about other people's flaws. That's one of the (many) reasons people didn't usually like him. (He was also just really aggressive, but that's just a part of him now.)

Thankfully, Wade quickly got tired of all the quiet.

Unfortunately for him, he started everything off by laughing.

"C'mon everyone," he chuckled, "Why're you being so serious about this? You would've had to tell her eventually, so things are out of the way now, right?" he held a smile for a moment before quickly dropping it and rolling his eyes. "You all are seriously a bunch of stuck ups," he dug his palms into his eyes, "She was literally trained to find answers when she needed them, then you encouraged the behavior, and kept secrets from her. It's not that hard to think through and find her reasoning!" Another exasperated groan.

Steve gave Wade a side glare, "Are you blaming us for this?" he asked, his voice gruff and angry.

"Well, it's not that I'm blaming you captain red-white-and-blue-all-over. However, I will agree to you accusing me of saying that Y/n isn't entirely at fault, but that's mainly because she's not entirely at fault. Catch my drift?" Wade winked with a smile.

Steve was admittedly confused by most things that came out of Wade's mouth, but he nodded nonetheless.

"Who would you blame then?" Fury asked, looking more amused than having previously been. He moved forward, his chin resting on his hands as his elbows sat upon his knees.

"Well, Y/n hacked the Avengers and HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D., sure, but she also gathered all the information to put the pieces together and spare you guys the burden of having to go to her and tell her yourselves. She did you a bit of a favor. Plus, wasn't she doing what y'all were telling her to? Hacking people and finding information isn't just a HYDRA thing she can't get rid of. It's also a tiny baby thing that you took in and raised, encouraged to have grandkids, and live with you instead of in its own house where it belongs. You played the cool parent and said I'd rather you do it in the house when, heads up, that still causes addiction." Wade laughed, "And then it blew up in your faces!" he lightly exclaimed, his voice breathy as he let out a small laugh, "The funny part is how mad you are about this! It's like a tiny teen tantrum." his shoulders shrugged, "And it's so cute!" he squealed, patronizingly.

You smiled, Wade was your favourite for a reason. He was usually pretty funny, and he always stood up for the kids, unless it was a matter of safety. This, apparently, didn't seem to be a matter of safety and Wade thought you were completely fine and far from endangering anyone. Hearing that in his voice made you feel a lot better than you had waking up, and some of your panic went away.

"So... what did I do after I blacked out then?" You asked, surprised at how quiet you were being. Then again, it was really hard to follow the conversation. It was kinda like they sounded farther away than they were, and you were kind of zoning out.

"You just startled Steve and Bucky with some violent questions last night. You were reading his mind very violently, so your eyes were glowing as per usual, and it was dark so they didn't know it was you right away. They were very alarmed in their vulnerable state so they attacked you. You've been out for three days without anyone aside from Bruce, Tony and Stephen to see you. We called Fury yesterday to ask what to do since Bucky doesn't... " Clint paused, trying to find the right words.

"Randomly turn into a psychotic animal like you," Steve growled. (Much to your amusement.)

You smiled, "Wow, so venomous, Steve, I'm hurt. Truly." then mockingly snapped your jaw in his direction, laughing only moments afterward.

After another breath, you thought for a moment, realizing what you'd just heard about you doing. You weren't actually psychotic... were you? Your smile dropped and you were no longer looking at any particular person, but more so at the ground. You really like Steve and Buck. they were a cute couple, and they did a really good job of making sure Chloe was taken care of, and they loved Katie just as much, even if she wasn't technically their responsibility.

A sigh left your lips, "Look, Steve, I really don't mean to randomly freak out, and you should know that I've been working on it." You lick your lips. Huh, they're chapped. Not surprising. "And I'm glad you love Bucky enough to see past his flaws, but ignoring them is just plain ignorant." You look up at Steve now, starting to feel the anger again as he looks back at you, his eyes cold.

"I was with James while he was busy being the Winter Soldier. He trained me as his understudy for a long time, and if you really think that he didn't have control of himself back then I honestly feel sorry for you." You were lying, all you could feel was rage, but you didn't care. You'd feel sorry for him later.

"Bucky raged out just like me, if not worse. He had little to no control over his mind back then. It literally took him years of mental torture and assistance to get to where he is today with you. Now I'm glad that you love Bucky and I'm happy that he trusts you, but doing something so..." You were raising your voice now. You didn't mean to, but you also didn't really care. "So childish and fucking revolting! James was like a really scary father to me when I needed it and dismissing all of his progress, while trying to take a swing at me? Wow, Mr. Fucking America would he be ashamed of you! That's probably why he's not here right now, huh? You sent him away so he couldn't sympathize with me and try to defend me?"

Nat gave you a look you had yet to see and couldn't quite place. "Y/n, that's not--" You cut her off. Right now, there was nobody with high authority on your side, aside from maybe Nick Fury who still had yet to say something.

"Can I go now? I'm tired." despite the fact that you'd been out for three days (which, now that you think about it, kinda shocked you) you hadn't really slept. You were unconscious, not resting, not sleeping, unconscious. The more you listened to everyone talk to you, the more you just wanted to curl up and sleep.

The seconds passed by, and the room was silent. Every moment just weighed you further down. Fury was looking at everyone, who were just staring at you. Eventually, he and Tony locked eyes, and they nodded.

"Y/n, go rest. We'll call you to a whole team meeting later." Nick jerked his head in the direction of the door, and you took that as you que.

With that, you sighed, standing up and halfway through realizing you had a lot less strength than you realized. You stumbled and fell, which had Steve immediately on his feet to try and help you.

You could feel your eyes glow with anger as your gaze met his within a millisecond of him moving to help you.

"Don't fucking touch me." you spat, almost choking because it felt like you had broken your finger when you landed of your hands and you'd started tearing up.

Now, saying this any other day probably wouldn't have made Steve back off, but the sheer betrayal in your voice, the pure rage directed solely towards him, and the fact that you had choked up with tears in your eyes caused him not only to back off, but also caused him to regret the past three days of hatred he'd held towards you.

With that, you somehow managed to push yourself up and walk to your room, only daring to cradle your hand after you rounded one of the many corners of the big, now pretty empty mansion.

Sleeping wasn't easy at first, but once asleep you didn't dream (a true gift from whatever God was up there). Instead, you were in the void, softly breathing and actually relaxed once.

You were at peace.

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Taglist: @introvertedsin, @galacticalstarcat, @acidrain707

[jobrookekarev]

Safe and Sound

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 5500

Summary: Jo and Alex figure out they're the same blood type, as they figure out what blood type their baby will be. Yet they never thought it would come in handy until Alex ends up in the ER. 

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Karev. 

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, baby Helena Karev, Meredith Grey, and Cristina Yang.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences.

Additional Tags: AU, everybody lives, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Babies, Organ Transplantation, Major Character Injury.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

This is a prompt for Maddie, enjoy.

……………………………………………………………………

Alex was standing at the nurses’ station holding his tablet and looking over his Post-OP charts when all of a sudden Jo flung herself into his arms. She was so desperate to get into his arms that she pressed the tablet he was holding up against him as she hugged him. 

“Hey,” Alex said, moving his arm to hold her as she buried her face in his chest and began to sob. “Jo, what is it?” 

Jo didn't respond so Alex just wiggled the tablet out from in between them and put it on the desk before he wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her into the office behind the nurses’ station, avoiding the look from the other staff around him. Alex shut the door behind them and held Jo closer. She clung to him with her fingers digging into his white coat as she pressed herself up against him. 

“Jo what is it, what's wrong?” Alex asked as Jo shook her head against his chest and pulled back. Her eyes were full of tears and her face was red and puffy. Alex tried not to panic as he rubbed his hand up and down her arms. Jo took several deep breaths before she could manage to speak. 

“Lauren’s husband died,” Jo said before the tears started again and he pulled back in to hug her as she laid her head on Alex's shoulder. “He was walking home from the store and this car just came out of nowhere. And I had to console Lauren and keep her from getting out of bed so she didn't go into labor. She's been on the Maternity ward for two months trying to keep herself and their babies alive and everything's worked, but then he just dies in some freak accident and now she's all alone and it's not fair.”

Alex just nodded and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He pulled her back and sat down in one of the chairs, pulling her into his lap. It was a little awkward with the small office chair and Jo couldn't seem to get close enough to him. Eventually, they settled with Jo sitting sideways in his lap with her legs over the armrest. Alex held her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she turned and hid her face in his neck. He rubbed his hands up and down her spine. Feeling his hands on her had always helped Jo calm down and she started to take deeper breaths, despite how the tears seemed to never stop.

“You can't die before me,” Jo said, picking up her head and looking him in the eye. “You can't leave me alone. And you can't die until we're old and grey and we’ve retired to a house in the suburbs. I don’t care if you don’t remember me half the time, or if you lose your ability to walk or if you're in a diaper or something. You can't leave me alone. We have to die together like the freaking notebook or you can't die at all.”

“Oh I'm dying before I lose my bowels,” Alex smirked, but bit his lip and nodded solemnly, seeing how serious she was. “I promise, I will do everything in my power to not die without you. And not until we’ve retired to a house in the suburbs with a dozen grandkids around us, or at least a few dogs if our kids decide not to have kids.”

Jo cracked a smile and nodded before she rested her head against his shoulder. He rubbed her back and felt her breathe hot air against his neck. Alex knew that realistically he couldn't promise her that, but he still did it because he'd be damned if he left her before they had a full and happy life together.

One of the new interns that he hadn't learned the name of yet opened the door and froze when she saw them sitting in the chair together. 

“Get out,” Alex gruffed, frowning as he glared at them. 

The intern stumbled with the door and with an apology before she finally managed to close it and Alex heard their sneakers squeak down the hall. 

Jo pulled back and frowned, giving his arm a light slap. “Don't be mean to Young Ortiz. She's actually quite nice.” 

“I'll be nice to the interns when they stop being interns,” Alex grumbled, as Jo put her hand on his chin and giggled as she pulled him down to kiss his lips.

“They have a nickname for you you know?” Jo smirked, running her fingers over the scruff of his beard.

“Oh really?” Alex said, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, they call you Dr. Grumpy,” Jo said, giggling as she covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile.

“Dr. Grumpy!” Alex exclaimed. He had half a mind to put Jo down and go chase after the intern and insist they call him by his proper title of Dr. Karev or he’d drown them in scut.

Jo just laughed, the sound filling the room and Alex couldn't help but smile. He loved the sound of Jo's laughter and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Jo pulled back before she leaned in and kissed him. Her lips were soft and they tasted like the honey chapstick he got her last week. Alex lingered on her lips, wishing they could stay like that for a little bit longer, but knowing that they both had surgeries scheduled that afternoon. 

“Do you want me to order pizza and we can have a movie night on the couch tonight?” Alex offered as Jo stood up. He missed her warm body against him the moment she was gone and pulled her in for one last hug.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Jo said, untangling herself from him before she went over to the door. She paused and looked back at him, her hand on the door handle.

“I love you,” she whispered, her eyes soft and warm.

“I love you too,” he whispered as she gave him one last smile before she walked out the door.

……………………………………………………………………

“Hey,” Alex said, coming up behind her and putting his hand on her belly. 

Jo smiled from where she sat on the couch in the attending lounge as Alex leaned into peck her lips and she felt the baby kick against his hand. At six months pregnant Jo had a prominent belly that Alex couldn't keep his hands off of. He was the only person that she let touch her without asking. Alex's hands were always welcome and his voice usually made their baby kick happily inside of her.

“Hey you,” Jo said as she turned around and watched Alex walked around and collapse on the couch next to her. “I take it your surgery went well.”

“Yep, baby Billy's got a brand new kidney and has already started putting out urine,” Alex said, laying down to press his face against her belly.

“He peed on you?” Jo guessed as she sat back and made room for his head, noting the smell of his body wash and new scrubs.

“Oh yeah, I got completely drenched when I checked on him post-op. I had to take a shower and everything.” Alex sighed and Jo laughed. She ran her hands through his wet hair as the baby kicked against Alex's face. “Hey, you be nice to your old man.”

“I think they're trying to tell you not to squish their legs,” Jo laughed again as Alex moved his head back from where it was squished against her belly. 

Alex moved his head to rest on her lap and put his hand against her bump. It couldn't have been the most comfortable position, but Alex closed his eyes. Jo went back to her post-op notes until her phone dinged as her little side project labs came back.

“You're O Negative with a negative Rh factor,” Jo said as Alex grumbled in reply, nodding his head. “And I'm O negative with a negative Rh factor and our tissue typing and cross-matching match, which means our baby will probably be O negative with a negative Rh factor.”

“Hm that also means that we could give each other an organ if we needed to,” Alex mumbled, his voice muffled by her scrub top. 

“Well, if you ever need a kidney, I'd be happy to give you one of mine, and if this baby needs a kidney or liver you or I could be a donor.”

“Our kid is perfect Jo,” Alex said, opening his eyes and looking up at her. 

“I know it's just that we're surgeons, Alex. We know what could go wrong and...” Jo paused to put a hand on her belly as her baby kicked her again. “I worry.”

“I know,” Alex said, sitting up and putting both of his hands over hers on her belly. “But our baby is healthy, see.”

Alex pulled out the latest ultrasound photo that he kept in his wallet and Jo smiled at the scan, tracing the outline of their baby's head. “I know”

“Besides,” Alex said, leaning back down to lay his head in her lap again. “If anyone needs an organ transplant it’s probably gonna be you. How’s your kidney infection, any pain.” 

“No, I'm fine and the antibiotics seem to be working, but Carina said she’d check my kidneys at the next ultrasound in a week,” Jo said as she put their baby's blood type in their file and went back to her post-op notes.

“Good,” Alex said, closing his eyes with a yawn. Jo smiled as she ran her finger through his hair before he fell asleep, snoring lightly in her lap. Quiet nights like this, in on-call rooms or in the lounge were her favorite, just Alex and her, for now, together.

……………………………………………………………………

Alex cursed the driver in front of him as they swerved. He slowly stepped off the gas and let them speed ahead of him. He looked down at the clock in the car, at this rate he would still get back to the hospital before Jo finished nursing Helena. Even after he stopped to get donuts. At first, he was just going to get the Thai, but then he drove past the donut shop. Alex couldn't stop thinking about the powdered donuts that she stole from dermatology to give to him and had ended up stopping to get them two powdered donuts. 

Alex stopped at the red light just a few blocks away from the hospital and he thought of how Jo would smile when she saw the powdered donuts. Alex missed her and Helena. He had seen them that morning, but he still wasn't used to being back at work full-time and he missed them.

All of a sudden his car jerked forward as someone hit him from behind and pushed him into oncoming traffic. The airbag didn't deploy and a second car hit the side of his car. Alex slammed against the steering wheel as his head hit the dashboard. Alex's vision went dark. The last thing he saw was Jo and Helena smile’s before he lost consciousness.

……………………………………………………………………

“Are you sure you don’t want any?” Link asked as she sat down in the rocking chair in the daycare’s kitchen. He pulled the warm leftover container of Fettuccine Alfredo out of the microwave with one hand as he held Scout. 

“I’m good, thanks. Alex just ran out to pick up Thai for us and he should be back soon,” Jo said gently rocking in the chair as she pulled up her scrub top and undid her bra to nurse Helena.

“No problem, If you change your mind Amelia always gives me extra leftovers, she thinks I eat more than I actually do.” Link said as he got set up with Scout in the highchair at the table next to them and gave him a few slices of cheese from his lunch. “Besides I know how hungry Amelia gets when she’s breastfeeding.”

“And it takes forever. How is it that someone with such a teeny tiny stomach takes forever to eat,” Jo said, glancing down at Helena as she latched on and nursed at her breast. Helena just closed her eyes and grunted, just like Alex did when he ate, making Jo smile. 

“At least he doesn't gobble down everything in sight,” Link said handing Scout another piece of cheese that the baby instantly grabbed and put in his mouth. “Slow down there buddy and remember to chew.”

Jo laughed as she watched Scout reach forward for another piece of cheese that Link placed on the high chair tray. 

“Hey I thought I might find you down here,” Amelia said as she appeared in the doorway with her plate of lunch and leaned down to greet Link with a kiss. 

Scout used the opportunity to lean forward with his mouth and take a bite of the cheese slice in Link's hand. While Jo stifled a laugh and watched. She was never one to spoil her nephews' fun and the baby was getting better at taking appropriate sized bites.

“Hey you,” Link said, as he pulled his hand back, but not before Scout had taken a mouthful and was smiling as he ate. Amelia and Jo both laughed, as Amelia pulled up a chair next to them.

“Hey, are we eating lunch down here?” Meredith asked as she and Maggie peeked their head in the doorway with Ellis next to them before they both came in.

Ellis raced to snag the rocking chair next to Jo, leaning over to give Jo a hug as she hung off of Jo’s neck. “Hi Auntie JoJo, hi baby Helena.”

“Hi Ellis, are you gonna eat lunch with us today?” Jo said, hugging her back with her one free arm.

“Yep,” Ellis replied as Meredith pulled up a chair next to them and brought out the side table as she handed Ellis her lunch.

“Look at all of us with our babies. Who knew, looking back at us a few years ago that we'd be doing this one day?” Amelia said, gesturing to the room around them. 

“Not me,” Jo smiled as she looked down at Helena in her arms, tracing her fingers over her little hand that gripped Jo’s necklace. She looked over at Link next to her who smiled at Scout as he ate a handful of Cheerios. “And certainly not you.”

“Yeah that's for sure,” Link said with a laugh. 

“I kinda feel left out. I'm the last one in our friend group that doesn’t have a kid,” Maggie said, looking down as she stirred her berries into her yogurt.

“You should have a baby Auntie Maggie,” Ellis said, her mouth full of crackers.

“It's not that bad of an idea. I mean you and Winston are pretty serious,” Amelia said with a smirk as she nudged Maggie with her toe.

“No, no, we can't have a baby now,” Maggie said, shaking her head at all of them, and looked back at Ellis. “Maybe later Ellie Belly.”

“That's okay Auntie Maggie, Auntie JoJo has my baby,” Ellis said, leading forward and rubbing Helena’s arm as Helena opened her eyes and grabbed onto Ellis's hand. 

Their adorable bond made everyone laugh and smile. From the moment Jo had gotten pregnant, Ellis had been obsessed with her baby. When Ellis finally met Helena, the two of them became inseparable. Ellis absolutely adored her and Helena would stop and stare at Ellis whenever she saw her. Jo knew that the two of them would be best friends as they grew up and that Ellis would always look out for her. 

The conversation changed to the surgeries they were each doing that afternoon as they ate their lunch and fed their kids. Helena finally finished nursing and Jo wiped away the milk that had dripped down her chin, as Helena smiled looking absolutely milk drunk. After Jo burped Helena, she let Ellis hold her before Helena grew tired. 

She settled Helena in her arms pulling a blanket over her shoulder to cover Helena and make it less stimulating so she could sleep. Just like her mother after pizza night on the couch, Helena quickly fell asleep. Jo continued to hold her as she slept, enjoying the feeling of her baby in her arms and delaying her return to work for just a few more minutes.

“Hey April, come to join us for lunch?” Meredith said as April appeared in the doorway.

Jo’s smile disappeared as April locked eyes with her. April's look of urgency and desperation turned Jo's blood cold as April took a step towards her.

“Jo, it's Alex.”

Jo stopped breathing the moment she heard April speak. April asked her to follow her and Meredith asked to take Helena. Jo spared her sleeping daughter, one last look before she handed her over to Meredith and followed April as they ran out of the daycare down to the ER.

“He lost a lot of blood… The airbag didn’t go off… The steering wheel punctured his abdomen…. We're not sure if we can save his liver…” 

Jo got bits and pieces of what April said as they rushed down to the ER. All she could think about was how Alex kissed her goodbye that morning, on the Peds floor and promised to go out and get her favorite Thai dish for lunch. She didn't see anything around her until she was standing in the hallway of the ER staring into trauma room one. She saw Alex's shoes lying on the gurney, but she didn't register that it was Alex on the bed with Hunt, Bailey, and Schmitt working on him. 

“Jo,” Bailey's voice caught her attention as Bailey called her by her first name. She stopped working on Alex as April took her place and walked over to Jo. “We’re just about to take him up to surgery now. He is stable but still critical. We're going to repair the damage, but he may need a liver transplant.”

Bailey led her away from the trauma room and over to the nurses’ station, pulling up a chair and forcing Jo to sit in it. Jo just stared at the trauma room and watch from the windows as they worked on Alex. 

“Sharon, call UNOS and see if there's a liver for Dr. Karev. He's O Negative…”

“I'm O negative, I'm a match. I ran the test when I was pregnant because I wanted to know about Helena, but Alex and I are a match,” Jo said, looking up at Bailey and grabbing her hand. 

“Jo,” Bailey said softly, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. Jo knew that Bailey would protest, but she also knew that it was Alex’s best chance at getting a liver.

“Do it. Take a part of my liver and give it to Alex, please,” Jo begged her.

“Okay.”

Bailey took her upstairs and ran the test again. They confirmed that she and Alex were a match and before Jo knew it she was in a gown and laying on the OR table. Ginger was standing over her and putting a warm blanket over her legs. It all happened so quickly and Jo was thankful for that because she didn't have time to worry about Alex when she was getting prepped for her own surgery. 

Meredith walked in, with Link behind her, carrying Helena and Jo smiled as her baby squealed when she saw her. Throughout this whole thing, Jo didn’t worry about where Helena was, because she knew that Meredith and Link would look out for her. 

“I thought you'd want to see her before you go under,” Link said, putting Helena on her chest as Jo put one arm around her baby, closing her eyes as she kissed her forehead.

“How's Alex?” Jo asked, running her fingers over Helena’s chubby arm and over her fingers as Helena wrapped her hand around Jo's finger. 

“He's doing okay,” Meredith nodded at her, having already scrubbed as the nurses helped her put on her gown and gloves. “Hunt and Bailey have repaired the damage to his spleen and are working on the liver.”

Jo nodded, before looking up at Link. “Can you stay with her until Alex or I wake up?” 

She was still so little and Jo second guessed what she was doing, knowing how easily surgery could go wrong. She couldn't bear the thought of her little girl losing both of her parents, but she also couldn't bear the thought of being able to save Alex's life and not doing so. 

“Of course. We’ll be right outside during surgery and we’ll be here when you wake up.” Link said, as he put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Okay, ready to get started, Jo?” Meredith asked, approaching the table ready for surgery. 

Jo nodded and kissed Helena’s head one last time before Link lifted her up. The anesthesiologist put the mask over her face, asking her to count down from ten and before she knew it she was asleep.

……………………………………………………………………

“Listen to me Karev,” Bailey said as she stood over Alex's open abdomen and stared down at the empty space. He was ready to receive a liver from his wife who was on an operating table in the other room. “I had five interns and now all five of you have been on my table. Now three out of five of you have survived, and you better survive too. You got a wife and baby waiting for you when you wake up. So you'd better not pull anything funny on me.”

“Here is the liver!” Schmitt said coming in and carrying the bowl up to her. 

“It looks good,” Owen said, observing the liver. “Let's get it prepared for implantation.” 

“How’s the other Dr. Karev?” Bailey asked, still looking down at Alex. 

“Jo is doing great, Grey is just closing her now,” Schmitt said with a nod. 

Nobody in that room knew what they would do if they lost Jo or Alex on the table. So they did everything in their power to ensure that both of the Karev’s lived. 

……………………………………………………………………

Most people think they would dream when they're in surgery, but when they’re under anesthesia they’re not sleeping so they don’t dream. 

Alex remembered that from the time he took a bullet in the hospital shooting. He remembered drifting in and out of consciousness and dreaming when Lexie and Mark worked on him, but during surgery, everything went black. It felt like only a minute had passed when in reality it was hours.

The same was true this time around. One minute Alex was staring at the donuts in his passenger seat and the next he was opening his eyes to see the ceiling of the hospital. It was dark outside and the only light came from the bedside lamp next to him and Alex could hear the rain patter against the window.

Alex remembered that he had woken up yesterday and briefly remembered Meredith being above him, but he had been in and out of it as the morphine made him sleepy. Alex remembered being conscious enough to hear them say they were slowly weaning him down to a lower dose that afternoon and they were all waiting for him to come around.

“Hey, took you long enough,” Cristina Yang's voice filtered into his barely conscious ears as he turned his head to see her sitting in the chair next to his bed and reading a medical journal. “We all thought you were going to fall into a coma or something.”

Alex only groaned as he looked around the otherwise empty room. The only thing he could think of was of Jo and Helena and their smiles flashed through his memory again. He had to tell them that he was okay. He couldn't bear the thought of Jo thinking that she lost him. 

“Where's Jo... and Helena,” Alex asked, his throat was dry and scratchy as he tried to speak.

“Relax,” Cristina said in her nonchalant way as she got up and poured him a cup of water. She came over and handed him the cup, waiting for him to take a sip. “Jo’s in the next bed over sound asleep and Helena’s in the bassinet at the end of her bed. Let them sleep, they’ve been at your bedside all day.”

Alex nodded and watched Cristina as she returned to her chair. She resumed reading her magazine and Alex looked around the room as he slowly woke up. 

“Why are you here?” Alex asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The last time Cristina had come to the U.S. was after Derek died. 

“I’m still your health care proxy,” Cristina said, as she went back to reading her medical journal. “And since Jo was a mess, somebody had to step in and make the decisions. So I hoped on a plane and here I am.” 

“Wait, if you're here in Seattle then how long have I been out?”

“Two days Evil Spawn,” Cristina said, flipping the page. “By the way, that kid of yours looks exactly like you. It's a good thing Jo loves you, cuz she's going to be staring at your face reflected in her child's for the rest of her life.”

“Shut up my kids’ beautiful,” Alex said as he took another sip of the water.

“I never said she wasn’t pretty. Most babies look like their fathers anyway, it’s a biological thing. She’s quite cute actually, which is nice considering most babies just look like blobs of flesh,” Cristina said with a nod as he handed her the empty cup.

“Can I see them, please?” Alex asked, looking to where the curtain was drawn to separate the two beds. 

Cristina nodded and pulled the curtain aside so he could see where the bassinet was set up at the end of the other bed. She picked up Helena who remained sound asleep and brought her over to place her in the crook of Alex's arm. Alex let out a sigh of relief as he held Helena. He didn't care that his stitches still hurt or that his arms were limited by his IVs as he brought his hand over to trace along her cheeks that were chubby like his were. 

“Can you wake up Jo, I want to see her too?” Alex said not looking away from Helena.

“I'll let her wake up on her own,” Cristina said, reaching down to pat his leg. “She’s still sleepy from surgery.”

“Jo assisted in my surgery?” 

“Not your Surgery,” Cristina said, she was never one to dodge any of his questions which was what Alex loved about her. “You needed a liver transplant and Jo was a match and because the situation was emergent, Meredith and Bailey operated to take part of Jo’s liver and give it to you.”

“Is she okay?” 

“She's fine. The surgery went well, and she's recovering. Better than you are I might add.”

Alex nodded and looked down at Helena, leaning down to kiss her head. “Can I see Jo, please?”

Cristina nodded and pulled back the curtain so he could see Jo as she slept soundly in the bed next to him. She was still hooked up to an IV and monitors, but Cristina was right, she looked better than he did. Her stats were good and she snored as she slept.

Alex let out a deep sigh of relief, knowing that his wife and child were safe and that he was too. Alex knew that Jo would drag him back from the afterlife if he died. He didn't know what he believed happened after you died but he was sure that he would never forgive himself if he died on her. 

He looked down at his child who slept peacefully in his arms and over it Jo who was recovering from surgery but was alive and well and he relished in the moment of being alive. Helena squirmed in his arms and he got a glimpse of the black onesie she was wearing, which was not an onesie he had seen before.

 Alex pulled down the blanket to see that she was wearing an onesie with red lettering of ‘Evil Spawn’s Spawn.”

“Yang!” Alex hissed, startling Helena as she jerked her hands up and Cristina just laughed in her chair.

……………………………………………………………………

Jo was instantly awake as she woke up to the sound of her baby crying. The sounds of Helena’s cries woke her up every night. Although Jo was used to it, she couldn't stop the panic feeling she got at the sound of her crying. The panic wouldn't go away until Helena was comforted.

“Meredith,” Jo called out, seeing that her baby wasn't in the bassinet at the end of her bed. Meredith had helped her take care of Helena as Jo had a limited range of motion as she recovered from the surgery. 

“Good, you're awake,” Cristina said, coming around the curtain and immediately putting Helena and Jo’s arms. “Meredith changed her diaper, but she wouldn't go back to sleep. Alex tried to calm her down before she started crying but...”

“She's probably just tired and maybe hungry,” Meredith said, coming around the curtain as well. “I gave her a bottle an hour ago, but she didn't drink very much of it.”

Jo nodded, knowing that Helena wasn’t used to taking a bottle. She looked down at Helena, Jo held her against her chest before she started patting her bottom and shushing in her ear. It didn't take long for Helena to calm down and for her little cries to turn into snores as she fell asleep. 

“How’s Alex?” Jo asked looking up at Meredith and Cristina, now that Helena was settled. They smiled and just pulled back the curtain so she could see Alex's bed. 

“Hey you,” Alex said as he smiled at her from where he sat up in bed.

Jo put a hand over her mouth as a sob came out of her throat. After two days of waiting for him to wake up and staring at him sleeping next to her, there he was. 

“You're awake,” Jo said, taking in the sight of Alex’s beautiful brown eyes staring back at her. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm good,” Alex said he's lopsided smile across his lips and Jo didn’t realize how much she missed it.

Jo tried to get up out of bed, swinging her legs over the side and trying to stand up, but two days post-op and with a baby in her arms it was difficult. Cristina and Meredith quickly rushed to her side putting an arm around her.

“Jo just sit back,” Meredith said, gently pushing on her shoulder. 

“Jo please listen to them and lay back down,” Alex said, leaning forward trying to help from his bed.

“Please,” Jo begged them looking up at Meredith. “I have to touch him and know that this isn’t all a dream.” 

“Okay,” Meredith said, reluctantly. “Give me Helena and Cristina can help you up.”

“Why me,” Cristina complained, but still put her arm around Jo’s waist.

“Do you want to hold the baby instead?” Meredith asked her, giving her a look and knowing Cristina's answer.

Cristina just grumbled and helped Jo take a few steps over to Alex's bed. Alex reached out and Jo grabbed his hand holding it close to her heart. It was only then that she sighed in relief as she felt Alex’s pulse under her fingers. 

The hospital bed was a tight fit for both of them, but Jo managed to lay down next to him as he put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her head. Cristina and Meredith helped them get settled and pulled the blanket over them before Meredith placed Helena on Jo's chest. Alex put one hand on Helena's back, rubbing up and down. She seemed content to sleep on Jo’s chest with both of her parents nearby. Cristina and Meredith quietly slipped away and Jo was grateful for a moment alone with Alex. 

“I thought I lost you,” Jo whispered, turning her head to look at him. “Staring at you in the trauma room, I thought I lost you.”

“You didn't,” Alex said, squeezing his arm around her shoulders. “I once made a promise to you that I wouldn't die without you and not until we were both old and grey and it’s a promise I intend to keep.” 

“Good,” Jo nodded and watched as Alex looked down at Helena before he closed his eyes.

She knew the morphine would make him sleepy for a few days, but she didn't mind. Just having him close to her and knowing that he was out of the woods was enough for her. Jo looked down at her husband and her baby and put her hand over his as she watched her family sleep, safe and sound.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: Just for reference, this takes place over the course of a year or so. So the first scene is before Jo gets pregnant, and when she's about six months pregnant, and the accident happens when Helena’s a few months old. 

[probably-not-star-lord]

Meet Cute (Wade Wilson x Reader)

A/N: So we’re just gonna go ahead and pretend Vanessa lowkey doesn't exist in the fic lmao

Request: Oof, if your still up for deadpool request. How about something where she was in similar circumstances as he was in in the first movie. It can be platonic if romance dosent work for the story. Also if you want it can be in headconnon thanks xxx

Request: About the deadpool request, yeah where they both have cancer (or another illness) and get taken to the mutant place where they meet and escape.

Summary: After being diagnosed with cancer, you’re sent to a facility that is designed to be a cure. Not only do you find a torturous way to get better, but also a man with an interesting charm.

Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff, Deadpool cause he counts as a warning

-

The day the doctor sat you down to tell you that you had late stage cancer was by far the worst in your life. Your friends and family weeped at the news, but tried their best to keep you healthy and happy in the remaining days you had left. Then, when a suspicious agent approached you on the street one day, you got your hopes up. Sure, the guy gave you the fucking creeps, but he guaranteed you’d get better. He also promised mutant abilities and what could go wrong with that? Everything sounded perfect!

Of course, everything was going wrong.

You had expected the day you found you had cancer to be the worst, but the day you were admitted into this facility with the promise of a cure is definitely number one on your list of shitty days. The cot they rolled you into your room on was dirty, uncomfortable, and made you feel restrained. You expected a cheerful hospital with bright walls and doctors with giant smiles, but instead this place was a living hell. Everything is filthy and dark, all the people are jerks, and you were informed you are going to be tortured until you get better.

Several days went by full of pain and suffering when the workers told you that you were close to being free of your cancer and unlocking your mutant ability. You wonder if it’s even worth it anymore with all of the bruises and cuts scattered all over your body. You felt sore, weak, and hopeless. By now you’d rather just go back to dying of cancer, surrounded by those you love.

“Ooh a room change!” a voice calls out in your room. You look up from your bed to find a man being rolled in on a cot by Ajax. Ajax is the asshole who met you when you first arrived here, alongside his companion Angel. They’re both complete dicks who find fun in hurting the poor people who get admitted here.

“Y/N,” he greets with a devilish smile. “You look like shit today.”

“Ajax,” you spit, glaring at him. “I would say you look like Dr. Doofenshmirtz today with that lab coat but I couldn’t disrespect him like that.”

“Wade!” the man on the cot yells with a cheery tone. How the fuck is he so happy here? Is he new? He sits up as much as he can and flashes you a grin and you suddenly become aware of the bruises and blood on his face. Wade looks like an absolute wreck but you somehow find him madly handsome. “Sorry, I thought we were yelling names,” he defends, pointing a finger at you. “Also, hot chick, that was a fucking amazing insult by the way.”

“Y/N, this is Wade Wilson, and he’ll being staying in this room with you until one of you moves onto the next progression of pain.”

Wade winks at you. “Thanks for putting me in the room with this sexy piece of ass and not that fucker who reeks. I think his name is Greg or whatever the fuck but he smells like shit,” he blabbers. “He kind of reminds me of you in that way, dish soap.”

You snicker at the nickname but quickly stifle your laughs when Ajax shoots you a glare. “Good luck sharing a room with him, Y/N. He’s the most annoying asshole you’ll ever meet,” he warns you before heading toward the door.

“No, that would be you,” you mumble, stopping Ajax in his tracks.

“I like her,” Wade chuckles. Ajax rolls his eyes and exits the room. “See you next time you beat the shit of me with your mutant fuckery!” he shouts after him. He turns his attention to you once again, checking you out more thoroughly. Even if your face is coated with sweat and blood or dark in some areas due to the bruising, Wade still thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his entire life.

“So...” you trail off, unsure of what to say.

“Well, this is the perfect meet cute isn’t it?” he snickers. “I feel like I’m in a Nicholas Sparks novel!”

“I guess so, huh? We’ll have quite the love story.“

“I bet we will,” he agrees with a kind smile.

The innocent flirting makes your heart race and you can feel your cheeks heating up. “Uh, how long have you been here?” you ask.

“A couple days, you?”

“It must be almost a month by now,” you sigh. “But I have no way of knowing for sure.”

“That really fucking sucks,” Wade responds. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“I’m sorry too, Wade.” You meet his eyes and give him a weak smile. He returns your smile, looking sympathetic and exhausted. Some part of you wants to take his pain away, make him feel better and help him get out of this hellhole. He looks like he’s been through a lot, and not just the days he’s spent here.

You and Wade share a room for quite some time, spending your days making fun of Ajax and Angel or sharing stories of times before you were brought here. Apparently his friends made the same efforts yours did when they found out he had cancer, making him eat and drink healthy stuff that tastes like shit. Overtime, you found yourself growing very fond of Wade, and the two of you both decided there is something there that would be worth giving a try if you ever escape. But, deep down, you know that is merely a dream.

Today has been a particularly shitty day. The workers have been hard on everyone, producing some extra pain out of all of you. You lay on your cot beside Wade’s, looking up at the dingy ceiling with tears in your eyes. “Wade?”

“Yeah?” he answers, voice meek and tired. He’s right where you are, hoping for something better and probably on the verge of death.

“Do you have a bucket list?” you ask. “Like what would you have wanted to do before you were taken here?”

Wade ponders for a moment before breaking a grin. “I’d want to get one last blowjob from my friend Weasel.”

You laugh loudly, being genuinely happy for the first time in a while. “What?”

“Oh, Weasel’s a bartender,” he explains. “Blowjob is the name of one his signature drinks that I force him to make.”

“Are they any good?”

“Blowjobs? Fuck yeah, I love a good blowjob.” You’re cracking up now, falling in love with Wade’s sense of humor. “What would you want to do?”

“Oh, I don’t know...” you mutter. “See my friends and family again? Watch my favorite movie? Have a good meal? You know, the usual bucket list shit.”

“That’s too generic!” Wade gasps. “You need something cool like...fucking Ryan Reynolds before you die.”

“That would be very, very nice.”

He scoffs. “Are you trying to make me jealous?”

“You suggested it!”

“Well, maybe I meant I wanted to fuck Ryan Reynolds!” he jokes, causing the two of you to laugh even harder. “That man is absolutely beautiful and could have me anyway he wants.”

In between your laughs, you manage to speak. “You look almost exactly like him!”

“Really?” he questions with a smirk. “Are you saying that I am so fucking attractive I could have you any way I wanted? Cause I certainly have some ideas...”

You shrug, meeting his smirk with your own. You watch each other laugh as you continue to joke around, but eventually the giggles fade and the room is filled with a sad silence. “Honestly...if I could leave here the first thing I would want to do is see you,” he states seriously. “Like really see you, not tied down and worn out. I want to be happy with you, like normal people are with each other.”

You smile, a tear falling down your cheek. “I’d want to be with you too...just like normal people.”

“I’d want to kiss you.”

“I’d like that...” you whisper, extending your hand toward his cot as far as you can reach. Wade reaches out as well, taking your hand in his. For a brief moment, everything seems like it’s going to be okay.

“Lovely,” Ajax asserts, waltzing into the room. “I don't know about anyone else, but I'm touched.”

You quickly pull your hand from Wade’s, wanting nothing more but to touch him again. “Don’t worry, asshole, we’re only kidding.”

“No, no. It's okay. I encourage distractions. Wouldn't want you giving up on us, now would we?”

“Hey, don't take any shit from him, Y/N,” Wade says, shooting you a wink. “How tough can he be? You know...with a name like Francis.”

“Francis?” you chuckle. He smiles at you, loving the way you laugh, but Ajax just looks furious. You don’t know what the fuck Wade is doing, but you’re hoping it’s something helpful and not something that will cause him to get killed.

“That's his legal name. He really did get Ajax from the dish soap! F, R, A, N, C, I, oops! I snabbed the dry-cleaning tag off your lab coat. FYI, I could probably get you the super hero discount.”

“You are so relentlessly annoying,” Francis grunts. Yeah, like you’re going to think of him as Ajax now that you know his name is fucking Francis.

“Thanks, never heard that before.”

“Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up?” Francis threatens. “Or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.”

“Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you. See, here's the problem with round-the-clock torture,” Wade explains. “You can't really step it up from there.”

Francis smiles wildly, sending you an unsettling feeling. “I was actually here just to inform Y/N her cancer is cured, and that she unlocked her mutation... you know I find so much pleasure in that,” he says, strutting over to Wade’s cot. “But now I think I might have to prove to you that you’re wrong.”

Wade gulps as Francis grips his cot and rolls him out of the room. As he exits the doorway, his brown eyes find yours and you see nothing but fear. “Wade...” you mumble to yourself, clutching onto your restraints tightly in hopes they could break, but you know they won’t. Your heart breaks, knowing you’ll most likely never see him again, but then Francis reenters the room.

“Oh, you didn’t think I was just going to leave you out, did you?” he asks, pushing your cot out of the room as well. “I wouldn’t want you to miss the show.”

In the room you see Wade being strapped down in some sort of machine that looks like a clear tube. “What is that? What are you going to do to him?”

“Worried about your little boyfriend?” Francis laughs maniacally, walking over to stand beside Wade as he’s being secured. “If this doesn't unlock your mutation, well... Nothing will. Now, what we're going to do is lower the oxygen concentration in there to the exact point you feel like you're suffocating. If your brain waves slow, meaning you're about to pass out, then we'll turn up the O2. If your heart rate slows, meaning you're able to catch your breath, we'll turn it back down. And that's where we'll leave you...right there.”

Wade groans. “I thought you guys were dicks before.” You can tell he’s trying to keep his humor, despite being completely unaware of whatever is about to happen to him.

“You know the funniest part of all this?” Francis quizzes. “You still think we're making you a super hero. You, a dishonorable discharge hook deep in hookers? You're nothing. Our secret, mate, is that this workshop doesn't make super heroes. We make super slaves. We're gonna fit you with a control collar and auction you off to the highest bidder. Who knows what they'll have you do...terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters, maybe just mow the occasional lawn.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Wade seethes.

“You're never going home after this.” You cringe at the way Francis speaks, knowing something terrible is coming for Wade, who looks terrified. “Now there’s a brave face,” Francis reveals. He starts to close the machine, but Wade stops him.

“Wait, wait,” he commands. “Seriously, you actually have something in your teeth now.” Usually, you’d laugh at his jokes and admire the way he’s remaining lighthearted. But right now you’re far too worried about Wade to feel anything other than pure terror.

“Enjoy your weekend.” Francis slams the machine shut and saunters over to the controls.

“Weekend?” he asks. “Back up, weekend?”

“What the fuck are you going to do to him?” you shriek, but there is no answer. Instead, Francis starts the machine and sends a chilling grin to the two of you before leaving the room. You watch as Wade struggles to breathe, trying to get as much oxygen into his lungs as he can. You hate to see him like this so you scream and cry, fighting against your restraints in hopes that one of these workers will have the heart to save Wade. Your vision gets blurry as your eyes fill with tears, hearing Wade gasp and knowing there is nothing you can do to protect him from the hell he is enduring.

Soon, night falls, and a whole day passes until night consumes you once again. It’s been impossible for you to fall asleep with Wade struggling right beside you. You’ve spent your time sobbing quietly or closing your eyes trying to not watch. But, the exhaustion becomes you, and your eyes start to flutter shut as a few remaining tears fall out of them. You’re barely asleep when you hear Wade scream and your gaze instantly falls on him in the tank. You watch in horror as his skin transforms, covering itself in scars slowly as they make their up to his face, changing the way he looks forever. You’re unable to sleep again that night.

The next morning, Francis enters the room and turns off the machine. Wade sucks in as much air as he can, regaining a steady breathing pattern. “Wade!” you cry, but he’s too angry to answer.

“Fucking hell,” Francis announces, looking Wade over. “Looks like someone lost his shot at homecoming king.”

“What have you done to me?” he bellows furiously.

“I've merely raised your stress levels high enough to trigger a mutation.”

“You sadistic fuck!”

“I've cured you, Wade. Now your mutated cells can heal anything. It's attacking your cancer as fast as it can form. You know, I've seen some of the side effects before...I could cure them. But where's the fun in that? Now I'm gonna shut you in again Wade. Not because I need to, but because I want to,” he conveys, looking to Angel so he can command her. “Ah, well, go ahead.”

You are at a loss for words. The idea of Wade being shut in that machine again, crying for help that will never come, shatters your heart to pieces. You don’t want to be here anymore, you never wanted to be here, but now it seems impossible to stay. Angel fiddles with Wade’s straps as you fight against your own, praying your mutant abilities can somehow bust you out. The workers ignore your suffering and continue to focus on Wade. “You smell like shit,” Angel insults. Wade head butts her but you notice something peculiar in the way he does it. When she backs up, the match that usually hangs from her mouth is missing. “Mother fucker-”

“Hey, hey, hey! It's alright! It's alright. I think we owe him that, yeah? Take off. Go on, off you go,” Francis sends Angel from the room. “Quick question...what's my name?” Wade doesn’t reply, meeting your gaze with sad eyes. You know exactly what he’s planning.

“Wade...no...” you whisper, but no one hears you. He nods to you, hoping you’ll understand. What if it kills him? But, what if it works? So, you do understand, but you don't know if you want him to do it. Francis, however, doesn't understand at all.

“Didn’t think so,” he states, shutting the machine and turning it on once again.

After he leaves, Wade reveals the match he was hiding in his mouth. You shudder as you watch him light it and chuck it towards the oxygen vent. The two of you stare into each other’s eyes smiling, knowing what’s about to come. Within seconds, the facility explodes as fire erupts everywhere around you. To your surprise, you don’t feel as much pain as you thought you would, and all of your wounds heal almost as soon as they are made.

You break free from your restraints as they burn, and run off into the flames in search of Wade. You sprint right into a large body, and are relieved to find who it is. “Wade!” you yell in delight, wrapping your arms around him for the first time. He returns the embrace, holding you as tight as possible, but when you pull away he still looks miserable.

“You definitely don’t feel the same way you did before,” he mumbles.

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Now that I look like...like this. You can’t still-”

You roll your eyes and swing your arms around his neck, pulling him down so he's inches away from your face. “Don’t be ridiculous, Wade.” You smirk up at him and quickly smash your lips on his. He’s stunned by your boldness but gives into the kiss easily, loving the way you still care for him despite everything.

He pulls away from the kiss slowly and presses his forehead against yours. The two of you smile brightly and genuinely for the first time in a very long time. “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” he says, pressing another soft kiss to your lips. Wade envelops your hand in his as you look out into the distance, ready for whatever is going to hit you guys next.

So, hand in hand, you and the soon-to-be Deadpool run away together from the  fucked up mutant factory. But, in some twisted way, you’re grateful for the facility, as it lead you to the love of your life.

A/N: Yikes that was long as fuck but I really liked how this came out so I hope that’s cool with y’all lmao

[hithelleth]

The Gifted S2

I’ve watched through the end of S2 of The Gifted and I was thoroughly unimpressed with the season. Maybe because I had completely different expectations/wishes from where the show actually went?

It just was less and less interesting to me by the episode and it just didn’t seem like the show I liked in S1? Then again I binged S1, so maybe that skewed my perception.

Anyway, unpopular opinions below.

Reed’s powers re-emerging was promising, but then they didn’t do much with that besides suppressing them (or trying to), because they are ‘evil’. Though they became handy at the end, but only for Reed to die, because the best people with ‘evil’ powers can do is self-sacrifice and die. ??? *sigh*

Generally, I feel like they did a complete 180° from S?

Look, I like morally grey things. And they did that well in S1, showing how even though some mutants’ powers manifest in ways that can hurt other people it doesn’t make them inherently bad, especially in the context of adverse circumstances when these powers manifest as a form of self-defence against persecution (like with Andy, just for the most obvious example.)

But now in S2, we had ‘good’ powers vs. ‘bad’ powers and therefore ‘good’ mutants vs. ‘bad’ mutants (okay, I’ll make an exception for that dr.’s assistant whose powers hurt him) and I’m just not in for that, you know.

(Of course, then you also have the Purifiers, who believe all mutants are evil – and the Inner Circle at the opposite end, hating all humans. I don’t care for these polarisations.)

Like, with the Fenris twins (and then Andy and Lauren) they did a good job to hint/show how their powers were used for self-defence that turned into vengeance… But I couldn’t help but think that their powers themselves did not necessitate them becoming evil?

If people had treated them differently, accepting them and trying to help them instead of fearing, shunning, and attacking, couldn’t even the Fenris’s destructive powers be used for good? Have a hill to dig a road through? Call the Fenris twins, they get to have some fun, you get your road? Have an old building/bridge/whatever you need demolished? The Fenris twins. Etc. They could even charge and make a business out of it.

Same with Reed’s powers – maybe if his dad hadn’t tried to suppress them, Reed could have learned to control them and use them for something good/useful and maybe with regular ‘discharging’ they wouldn’t overwhelm him and literally blow him up.

Oh, and then of course there was that piece of double morality (just as an instance, there were more) when Andy and Lauren blowing up the Inner Circle building would be ‘okay’ because it would be necessary, but doing the same with the Sentinel Services building (although in the end involuntarily) was terrible.

(To be clear, both was/would be terrible, IMO.)

Speaking of, you know something is wrong when you start rooting for the villains, like I did somewhere mid-season, when the Inner Circle seemed the most interesting.

Of course then Reeva turned out to be collaborating with the Purifiers.

And everything turned out just too neatly?

Like Reeva so conveniently killed Sage (although Lorna who used Sage’s credentials felt guilty for two seconds, if) so Andy could change his mind and leave.

And Reed killed Wilson (and beat himself up for it for about just as long as Lorna; not that Wilson didn’t deserve it, though) just so he could be on even/non-judgemental-footing with Andy to forgive him and accept him back.

And Lauren and Andy were conveniently forced to use their Fenris powers instead of doing so voluntarily and maybe be faced with how to enjoy their powers and their connection although it does bad things or having to try to figure out how to do it for good.

And Caitlin – I love Caitlin, mostly, but in the first half-of the season she was so blindly bent on getting her poor baby Andy back that everyone suffered because of her blind insistence to find him and her reckless choices. And then of course she, a non-mutant, turns out to be the saviour of mutants again and again (smells an awful lot white-saviourism-like.)

And it’s just so convenient that the very cell the Struckers are with is the only one that partly survives and leads everyone. I’d like to see someone ‘higher-up’ to step in, and see how they deal with that. But I guess I can let it be, since the Struckers being in the centre has always been worked into the base premise of the show.

Oh, and Jace – they had no idea what to do with him did they? – so they went back and forth with him hating mutants and wanting to hunt down the Struckers/the Underground and occasionally having conscience (like feeling for mutant kids, objecting to killing everyone) and then going stone cold the next minute, being easily manipulated by anyone.

I think they should’ve written him off the show after S1 as him going away with his wife and moving on with his life – because his S1 arc was good, but S2 was a mess and I could neither hate him or feel for him.

I’m sure there are other things, but all of that said, I have to admit I mostly only half-watched while doing other things, because it was just so not interesting.

The most interesting/sensible/likable was Clarice.

But maybe it’s me, not the show.