#I’M FCKING TERRIFIED

[diamondzart]

We watched Despicable Me 4 today and I’m still feeling like it was a freaking fever dream. I couldn’t believe that this total mess with barely any plot can be an actual instalment of a franchise from a studio which grosses a billion after billion in box office. What the actual hell was that. Were they high? Especially in the musical number in the end. There is NO WAY a sober person could write and approve that. What was that. We were questioning our sanity with each new “cameo” in that scene…

I mean I love this franchise but the way sequels keep falling lower and lower and lower under the bar of anything at least acceptable… it scares me. It scares me to think for how much longer Illumination can get away with this. This broke our hearts.

[wroteclassicaly]

Next week… will I be able to say I’m meeting Joe in August?

[akkivee]

arb wasn’t opening at all after i updated it so i reinstalled the app but…………………… apparently my recovery data isn’t…………. it isn’t correct i’m…………….

[c0ca1nekatee]

here’s how i managed to lose 9kg/20lbs in a month (august-september)

literally just cut out everything but yogurt and water. not even kidding. all i ate in a day was a 90g cup of yogurt, aka 72 calories (80cal per 100g).

went from 51kg/112lbs to 42kg/92lbs from august 2nd to september 4th. got down to 39kg/86lbs in less than three weeks. 37kg/81lbs in november. just for clarity, i’m 168cm/5’6.

absolutely fcked up my life, though. had to get 10 iv fluids transferred in a row when 3 are considered dangerous. my blood pressure was 78 when the norm is 90-120 for my age. lost count of the amount of medications i have taken and the amount of money my parents had to spend on them. became the cause of my moms menopause, literally. my family was terrified that one night, when i’d go to sleep, i would never wake up again. made absolutely everybody hate me because i was a completely different person. went through 3 therapists, 2 psychotherapists and 1 psychiatrist. neither of them helped. tears, breakdowns and crazy panic attacks and family conflicts every single fcking day.

am i ready to do this all again? yes. shouldn’t have been a cow and gained all the weight back.

[robotsdeservebetter]

Накипело и терпеть я больше не хочу.

Rewriting Kidnapping of Persephone into a romantic/melodramatic story with consensual love is one of the most disgusting and disrespectful things I’ve seen.

I’ve been there too. You and I live in modern world and in modern world edgelords, goths, emos, etc have been trendy for a while. Liking them is cool. Hades, the god of the dead, is close to those things and he has a cool dog, so liking him will make you “not like other mythology fans” (we ended up being the same, what an irony). Despite that, we, idiots, wish for romantic love and project that on Hades. Who’s he with canonically? Persephone? She MUST be so happy to have him uwu 🥰

Do you not understand that if today life gives you extra kicks for being a woman, then 2000 years ago it was ultimately worse? How low must you think of victims of kidnappings, if you see actual fcking love in that? How little must you think of family bonds that you put it below yet another abusive romance? Why are willing to sacrifice a mother character in favour of a kidnapper?

It’s a love story, but not about a romantic one. Demeter, a woman in Ancient Greece, managed to stand up to the Zues, king of gods, and his older brother, and return Persephone at least half of her freedom. Yes, freedom, not a demand to be near mommy, they are that kind of parent and child who love each other. A funny gig about marriage between kidnapper and kidnapped: the latter might never see her family again, she now belongs to the groom and it’s Antient times so guess which “might” is more likely to happen.

Zeus GAVE Persephone to Hades. Like a trophy. A lot of people desire to justify Hades (the dude never even was an outcast, you just Americanised him into a high school antisocial goth. I don’t see that much people making up same stories about Poseidon, who spends most of his time in the sea — his domain. Underworld is Hades’ domain, he’s not unhappy nor judged by other gods, ok? And trust me, an immortal being wouldn’t give a sh*t about us fearing and railing death) and overlook harmful antiquities. Whether the number is small or big, the fact they exist is terrifying.

That myth was above its time and, as we can see, above out time as well. Stories like Lore Olympus and Punderworld, that claim to be feminist rewriting, belittle, demonise Demeter, the only person who truly cares about Persephone’s well-being.

A feminist rewriting demonises a woman who left everything and everyone to save a woman from a kidnapper. If you don’t understand this whole concept is dumb sh*t, I’m not gonna explain why.

Kidnapping of Persephone, much like Hunters of Arthemis, was told to soothe and encourage women, let them know that despite being lower than men, they still have each other, they still can protect each other. Kidnapping of Persephone is a love story, love between mother and daughter. Please, don’t try convincing people it needs to be rewritten, it’s perfect as it is.

And for all what’s holy, don’t demonise Demeter, the exact person who truly loved Persephone, who saved Persephone, who wished her happiness.

[clixxx7]

ADAMS DICK IS SO FCKING BEAUTIFUL OMG ITS NOT SCARY 😍😍😍😡😡😡😡😡😡👅👅👅👅👅🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆💦💦💦💦💦💦😭😭😭😭😭😭😭👀🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ wanna see his massive horse cock? 😏😏 heh…. Nvm just Google horse penis 😅😅😅😫😫😫 I’m giving birth to his baby tomorrow 😍

HUH? TERRIFYING. FREAKY ANON WTF

[yourtwistedlies]

THATS RIGHT

your girl val binged the entire first season of the dragon prince

potential spoilers under the cut

Lord Viren is a snake

ratty little scumbag

i don’t like him ONE BIT

but let’s move onto more pressing matters while i get back to that later

the king is dead *jazz hands*

okay so i have a sneaking suspicion that the letter he gave callum was a letter that said he was to inherit the throne or something like that. though, isn’t that already obvious since he’s the oldest child of the king (even if he’s his stepson)? or does it only apply if you are blood related to the king, which means ezran would inherit it? dunno.

also i do acknowledge that rayla was hiding the fact that harrow died to protect them, but like, TELL THEM. even if they would have felt really sad and stuff ᵗᵐ, i feel like personally, i would have told them. because i feel like the longer you withhold the information, the more it’ll hurt when they figure out the truth. and i assure you, one way or another the truth always comes out.

also i felt so just like in shock while seeing the bond (for killing the king) come off of runaan’s hand. it was just so fast i could not process it. also the shadow hawk WAS SO FREAKING COOL. i was just amazed by that for a hot minute. but im not ashamed to say my first thought was that is everyone who was fighting there dead? is soren dead??? now, i wouldn’t say soren is the best person but the way he let callum beat him to impress claudia, never mind his own sister is just so 💗💗💗💗💗💗. also soren is kind of a hot snatch, and you can’t deny it, that’s speaking from someone who doesn’t even really have a type or anything.

okay, so yeah now my next big thing:

aunt amayaaaaaaaaaaa!!! aunt amayaaaaaaaaa! commander gren!!!! but mostly aunt amayaaaaa!!!!!!

eeee i love amaya!!! she’s such a freaking bada*s!! also she’s deaf, which is actually really inclusive of the show writers :D i think we need more shows with people who have disabilities and the dragon prince is a great one! it shows that you dont have to hear to be able to kick some serious a*s and lead people!!! also commander gren is just such a cutie. he translates everything for her, and THAT SCENE WHERE SHE SIGNS “I trust you, you’ve been my voice. Now you will become my hands to save the boys.” (translation from @redemptiionss—they have dragon prince translations for what amaya signs that gren doesn’t say!) AHHH!!!!! i mean that is just so sweet in like a really friendly platonic way. anyways i love aunt amaya and commander gren 💕

SPEAKING OF COMMANDER GREN. LORD VIREN YOU LITTLE TWERP WHY DID YOU UN-ASSIGN HIM FROM THE MISSIONNN??? ik he did it so that his kids could lead it obviously so they could follow his orders and do his dirty work but- you don’t know how much i wanted that commander gren screen time 😭😭 he just seems like such a funny guy

now that we’re back to the subject of lord viren-

his face is NOT doing so hot rn. he need some cera ve lotion ASAP. aging is not doing him well. okay but I’m going to stop joking now. WTF????????? HE FREAKING LIKE TORTURED RUNAAN???!?? AND PUT HIM IN A COIN????? AND HIS EYES ARE SO FREAKING SCARY??????

i mean at least gren is a witness to the torture but im honestly scared for gren now IF HE EVEN FCKING THREATENS GREN IM GONNA do nothing because he’s fake. but you already know im going to be so mad.

anyways lord viren is SICK (not in a good way). he needs serious help.

okay so yeah callum broke the primal stone to make the storm so zym could hatch blah blah blah i don’t really care. though he’s sad because he can’t do primal magic and stuff but now he’s determined to find another way to do primal magic because honestly claudia’s description of why dark magic wasn’t that bad was kind of terrifying.

yeah. then zym hatched i already forgot his full name since it’s so long, but okay!!! ALSO THEN ZYM BROKE RAYLA’S BOND!!! NOW SHE CAN SLISH AND SLASH (reference 😉) AND SHE WONT LOOSE HER HAND!!!! i love rayla :D. the dragon is kinda cute. but he can’t fly. which kinda makes him less majestic but ezran is gonna train him!!!!

ALSO EZRAN CAN TALK TO ANIMALSS!!!

i always believed in him.

next big thing issssss

claudia and soren both have different secret missions that they can’t tell each other about

like way to ruin your children’s sibling relationship and trust viren 🙄 and ALSO LORD VIREN DID NOT JUST TELL SOREN THAT IF THEY’RE ALIVE “SORRY MAN BUT YOU GOTTA KILL THEM” !!!!!!!!!!!! this man is terrifying

i want to beat him up. i could take him with no magic though. ik the only thing that is going to save him is some weird dark magic and without that his frail bones are going to have nothing on me.

okay! on that happy note i shall continue

something is going on with that mirror

runaan said that he had finally found something dangerous and that has hidden dangers (i hope they’re all inflicted on viren). lord viren has some weird obsession with that mirror and the end credits had a mirror with a hand that had four fingers (elf!!!) pressing on it. yay!! plot!!!!

that’s val’s (me!!) summary of the dragon prince season one

yeah.

aunt amayaaaa!!! aunt amayaaaaaa!!! commander gren!! but mostly aunt amayaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

[ghastlybin]

Jihyo hanahaki au?

Masochist #1, you’re up (I’m just joking. Please let me know if any of my humor bothers you!!!) Thank you so much for your request btw!! I really hope I didn’t butcher the concept and I hope it’s decent since it’s my first time writing this!!!

Pairing: Jihyo x GN Reader

Word count: 1,311

Genre/contents: Hanahaki! AU, Angsty. Angsty as f u c k.

TW: One-sided love, blood mention/description(?), vomit, near death, uhhhh I think that’s it? Do let me know if I missed any!!!

Note: I used to think this disease was real LMAOOOO. I was terrified because I used to get crushes easily (until I got humbled) Also, Jihyo is my ult female bias so like… Yeah. I will write smth fluffy for her someday to make up for the angsty stuff I wrote tonight. Anyways, thank you again, Anon!!! 💜 I really REALLY hope you enjoy this given them topic and such. As always, sorry if I got any details inaccurate about the ole hanahaki experience. In that case please let me know.

She’s so fcking gorgeous AND I HOPE SHE KNOWS.

Love is destructive.

It grows and grows until it eats you from the inside out and you’re left with a hollowed-out chest from the thorns tearing you apart.

Every petal, every thorn, you only loved her more and more for it to hurt more and more.

It wasn’t going away, the feelings you had for her.

Jihyo was your light in a dark place. She helped bring you back from the depths of your mind. It was only a matter of time before you had fallen in love with her.

Every word she said, every action she took, everything about her only made your feelings more prominent.

And she loved you too.

Just not in the same way.

“It’s me. Isn’t it?”

Your heart shattering wasn’t a feeling you could heal so easily. The icy, numb feeling ran up and down your spine and through to your fingertips.

“I’m causing you so much pain.”

You wanted so desperately not to blame her. You wanted so desperately to not let her blame herself.

You also wanted so desperately for her to love you back.

Her voice echoed in your mind, aching your chest as your throat was busy being scraped by a rose thorn on its way out of your system in a pool of bile that had risen up your throat.

Every little red petal stained in your blood set as a reminder that you may never experience love.

The fear creeping up inside of you that you’d have to go through this exact pain over and over until finally, someone returns your feelings in a neatly put-together bouquet rather than bits and pieces coming up your throat, slowly killing you.

“I love you.”

You were drowning.

The air was too thick, your ears rang at the highest frequency possible, your heart ached terribly, and you were fighting a battle you knew you could not win.

“Not in the way I love you!”

Jihyo’s shocked expression painted like a picture in your mind. An image that would stick with you.

You confessed your love amid rosy bile painfully clawing its way out of your throat and out on display to tell the world how much of a fool you were for loving a girl that would never love you back.

“Could you ever truly love me?”

“I do love you!” Jihyo insisted.

She insisted, up and down, that she loved you. But if she did, why did you feel this way?

“How do you love me?”

The question you were terrified to ask. The question that ripped your heart apart.

“You’re my friend! I love you because you are my friend.”

You’ve heard of someone with the Hanahaki disease being magically cured because of platonic love.

You wished that would have been enough for you.

That just being her friend was enough to rid you of this disease and you two would go back to normal. She would no longer have to worry about where you are still alive or live with the guilt of being the reason you are in this situation.

You never blamed her, though.

You were the one that fell in love, after all.

It was hard to continue to be friends with the one person you were in love with.

Every tear you cried, every night you lay wide awake wishing you would ‘magically’ fall out of love just as quickly as you fell in love.

That was the thing.

You did not want to forget what it felt like to love her. You dreaded the thought of waking up one day and forgetting how she made you feel, how she treated you, prioritized you when she could, how her voice, smile, laugh, everything about her made your heart pick up as if you’d just ran a marathon and Jihyo was there to cheer you on.

She was your everything.

The thought of her waiting to meet up with you for the day was what got you out of bed most mornings.

Jihyo was all you thought about with minor thoughts in between.

You doubled over the bathroom sink, not making it to the toilet, your throat was on fire with each cough that wracked through your body.

The violent coughing up of a few torn rose petals had quickly turned into acidic bile that came out in the form of thorns, more rose petals, and blood that glued it all together.

You tugged at a thorn that had been stuck, each tug generating more fiery pain.

You knew you needed help. You knew if you went to the hospital, they would have to perform the life-saving surgery.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to go.

You knew you would have to start at square one with Jihyo.

Jihyo’s gasp echoed throughout the bathroom walls when she saw you and the mess you had made from the inside out.

You were in her arms. Finally.

Just not in the way you imagined.

“Hold on, I’m calling for help.” Jihyo tried to remain calm.

You were numb. Way too numb to release how much blood pooled in your mouth from the thorn you tried forcing out.

“Yes? Hello? Please send help! My friend- They have a thorn in their throat!”

You listened in, the ceiling growing fuzzy and your lungs felt constricted.

“It’s the Hanahaki disease. They’ve been vomiting and coughing up roses.”

It was weird how different people had different flowers depending on how strong the love was.

You wished you were stuck with something less violent like daisies or daffodils.

You wished you had never fallen in love.

Even thinking that made you feel guilty. You never regretted loving Jihyo.

You just regretted that fate hadn’t aligned in your favor.

“Please hurry! They are having a hard time breathing!”

A tear leaked out of your eye, knowing you were second from knocking on death’s door.

You didn’t mind it, somehow.

Maybe the afterlife would be easier.

Maybe in the next life, fate will be aligned perfectly and you would get your happily ever after.

“I love you.” Your words came out in a garbled, hoarse speech.

Jihyo still understood you.

No one understood you the way she did.

“I love you too.”

But it wasn’t in the same way.

Jihyo waited the entire night for your emergency surgery to be complete and for you to be ready for visitation. Her mind raced in a million different directions.

She knew the consequences the surgery would bring.

You wouldn’t remember her, let alone love her anymore. She would have to start all over again with you if that meant she would have another day with you.

Not that she minded.

Anything would be better than losing you completely to the curse of a disease.

“They are awake now.”

Jihyo had never felt so relieved before. Her heart raced, preparing herself to meet you again.

“Hello… You don’t remember me, but I’m Jihyo.” She smiled anxiously as you took a moment to respond.

“Jihyo? I’m Y/N.” She was right. You did not recognize her.

She nodded, patiently. Speaking to each other about stuff she already knew about you.

Stuff you swore you never knew about her but felt like you should remember.

Jihyo left when you found yourself getting too tired to stay away. After all, you did almost die at the hands of the infamously cruel heartbreak disease.

Jihyo entered the bathroom as soon as she arrived at her house. Screaming into the void as she broke down in tears.

She sobbed and sobbed until one cough alongside one petal from a violet abruptly stopped her from flooding the bathroom floor in her tears.

She coughed again, dread filling up inside of her as she stared at the violet petals in her hand.

She did love you back.

Just not at the same time.

[kithtaehyung]

Oc being stalked and threatened by that guy in dalo is actually so scary omg, I’m glad she is fine and that she has people looking out for her, like when jimin told her what happened even I started shaking, it’s terrifying.

EXACTLY. like honestly that shit is terrifying and it’s no fcking wonder reader reacts this way at the end of 3tan11… bc even if nothing happened?? there’s no way someone can just get over that happening. it truly is icky😔

[klarolinexluv]

ur argument is fcking stupid because yea obviously drarry and dramione and snily are disgusting too. romanticising any fascist is disgusting behaviour and all you freaks need to get tf out of the fandom

HAHAHA. No. I’m sorry. I won’t be leaving the fandom because I enjoy certain fictional ships. It’s very closed minded to think that none of these characters had flaws and opinions and all these other character traits that make them unique. Simply narrowing them down to the fact that they were death eaters is incredibly closed minded.

These characters are so much more than just death eaters. I’m going to talk about Draco here because we know more about him than Regulus but Draco was 16 when he got the mark. His father was in Azkaban. Voldemort was living on his house. If you think Draco had any other choice but to accept the mark than i dont what to say, to be honest.

Draco didn’t have a support system to turn to to get him out of that situation. Narcissa did all she could to protect her son but at the end of the day she was just as stuck in that house with Voldemort then Draco was.

Yes! Draco was not a good or nice person for as long as we have known him, however we don’t know his actual opinions.

We know that Canonically Draco was scared. He was terrified of Voldemort, of the death eaters.

Morally Grey characters exist and have always existed. It’s war. People die, people get hurt. People kill.

Think of it this way. In real life, there are wars. People fought in these wars. Some people fought against their wills. These people were fighting for their lives, it was kill or be killed.

If you think it isn’t the same as war in a fictional world then that is mind boggling. ITS FUCKING WAR. People make decisions to keep themselves alive, others make decisions to keep themself and others alive. People kill. People die. It’s war.

Yes, they were death eaters. They made certain decisions to get there. At the end of the day, we don’t know all the facts. These people could have been forced into it, coerced, manipulated, they could have joined of their own free will. WE DONT KNOW WHY OR WHAT HAPPENED.

It’s unknown why these people did what they did. If I want to take these characters and give them reasons in fanon then I will.

JKR treats her characters terribly. There are so many unfinished stories. Untouched stories. Abandoned stories. Most of her characters had so much wasted potential and I’m sorry that I want to explore that.

I’m going to continue exploring these characters, death eater or not, order member or not.

At the end of the day, the marauders fandom is made from scraps. It is built up by fan fiction. You don’t have to read something if you don’t like it. You can disagree, you don’t need to send other people hate for their own opinions.

When I’m talking about these characters I’m more than likely referring to the fanonical versions of them. If I’m talking canonical then I say so.

I know I’ve gone a bit off topic but supporting a character, enjoying their character, writing about them, giving the character depth AND supporting the death eaters, supporting Voldemort are TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.

I hate Voldemort. I hate the death eaters. I hate the pureblood fanatics.

I don’t support Voldemort and what he was trying to do.

Draco, Regulus, Snape. They all made bad decisions. They were all death eaters. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to explore uncharted territory of their character depth.

Snape we know so much about. BUT ITS SECOND HAND.

Again, we know so much about Draco, BUT ITS SECOND HAND.

We know so little about Regulus, but the things we do know ARE ALL SECOND HAND.

I’m not sure we’re I’ve gone with this rant but at the end of the day, my point is to ship whoever you want. Love whatever characters you want.

[anabby2-0]

Food Diary 3 August

Breakfast/lunch:

Monster ultra white - 15 kcal

Mama noodles cooked - 238 kcal

Jalapeños 30g - 7 kcal

Dinner/snack:

Mama noodles dry - 67 kcal

SF orange soda 500ml - 10 kcal

Granola bar with dark and white chocolate - 84 kcal

Total: 421 kcal

Calories burned: 768

Hi lovelies, today was a complete drag tbh. I started the day with a walk but I was so exhausted and then I ate some cooked mama noodles and i didn’t finish them as the calories terrified me and it didn’t taste that great so i think I’m just gonna stick too eating them dry from now on.

Added some winter/fall thnspo as how amazing wouldn’t it be too wear oversized warm clothes and still look skinny.

We are going to get there, all of us because we fcking deserve it.

See you tomorrow

Love Ana🩷

[bloombird]

Where the heck was bonz eye’s whole family like were they too busy partying or the fight would be incredibly short and less angsty if the food fuelers and Kamburanchi fam came along also what would bonz eye act to her family after what happened with rottentron ( sorry if i asked alot in one ask i’m just genuinely curious on what happened)

Tbh, they were either afraid of the duo since those two are a very dangerous different breed of botbots or they get the other bots who can’t fight back far away from them.

Plus I think Screwy Spud may have chopped someone’s arm off at some point and Blood Ulf may have blinded someone idk

Honestly, I didn’t bother to add them in bc they’d be overpowered and ruin the angsty flavor of this arc. Plus I’d have too many to write in this and it would take too long. If I did add them in, then I’d have to make Duo having an arsenal of weapons and bombs and blowtorches just to make the fight equal (since some bots have powers) and to make the Duo much more terrifying

(Honestly wanted to see Rottentron and duo fight Mother Strongroot but then again, I have a feeling deepfried would say it’s one sided since MS is like older or whatever)

As for Bonz-eye, she’ll be a bit more closed off and more serious than before. She’d train to become more stronger than before after hearing what happened to Burgertron before he got insanified and when Lady Macaron dies before her eyes. She just wants to be strong enough so her friends don’t go through all that again.

If anyone, I mean anyone, makes a comment about her friends or calls her weak, she fcking will harm them in cold blood. Never look down on her.

[golbrocklovely]

Just got done watching the video. I can’t stop crying. The part that first made me tear up was when he said that when he couldn’t sleep at night he would go on Snapchat and put on a bald filter to see what he would look like🥺 then the Sam part omfg😭😭 colby choking up absolutely broke me. I absolutely adore Sam. What a selfless, caring human. Sam and Colby/Their friendship could not be any more beautiful. Gahhh I’m gonna be a wreck for the rest of the week. So beyond proud of Colby. This man beat cancer at fcking 26 years old…Absolute legend.

that part made my heart absolutely break for him. i am literally still seething with anger over the idea of colby late at night staying awake bc he was terrified to lose his hair bc he KNEW fans would have something to say about it.

that's the part that pisses me off. he almost held off on getting chemo bc he knew fans would judge him for going bald.

so again, to anyone that joked about that, fuck you.

and the sam part… omg i rewatched the video just now and cried AGAIN over seeing colby get emotional. if he ever outright cries in a video i don't think i'll be able to handle it, if i'm honest. he has been so strong thru everything so seeing him break down just a little… dear lord.

if i ever get to meet him, i'm giving him the biggest hug ever and never letting go. sam too. omg i LOVE THEM.

[hshouse]

Umm so I think we might be going into the same field but like i just started grad school a month ago and I'm struggling so fcking hard keeping up with all the work (my adhd meds are NOT doing the job i need them to be doing) and socially i have not clicked with ANYONE and I feel so intimidated and isolated and I know I stick out not talking to anyone bc EVERYONE in my section is always talking to someone and people have already started forming groups and made friends but I just dont know how to I guess??? Idk but I feel like im 8 years old again with no friends which is a bizarre fucking feeling to have at 23. But like its BAD and I can't even speak up in the classes that don't cold call and ask for volunteers even though I want to do well so badly bc I feel so fucking small amongst all these people. I just kind of completely shut down as soon as I walked into the first day of orientation and haven't recovered from that.

And like I'm so fucking scared to start working bc even though i took two years off from undergrad I'm so burnt out already and jumping straight into the corporate world seems terrifying for my mental health (and general health tbh) but like going into PI isn't really an option bc if I'm going to go through with this I NEED to be making money to make it worth it and I guess what I'm trying to ask is like does this shit actually get better??? bc I'm highkey spiraling and have been since I started school and I honestly don't know if I'd be better off dropping out and going back to teaching even though I'll be absolutely broke and living at home for the foreseeable future or if I should just stick it out and be able to afford to support my parents and fucking take my siblings to disneyland for the first time. Like i knew this was gonna be hard but I guess it's just hitting me actually being here how fucking miserable I am and just I dont know. Sorry for dumping all this on you 😬 I guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice? Like I'm so scared I'm not gonna make it, like I'm not cut out for this field and am just gonna get absolutely crushed by it. And like I know that on paper I'm fucking smart af and definitely deserve to be here, like I'm at a fucking ivy league rn, they wouldn't let me in if they didn't think I'd make it. I just am finding it very hard to believe that I'm actually going to have a successful career if I'm struggling this bad at the very start.

Also idk how tf you went to school in a completely different country, like MAJOR props to you bc that must have been SO fucking hard. I'm struggling with moving across the country to a state where I know absolutely no one, but at least I know one of my siblings is an hour flight away and the rest of my family/friends are an 8 hr flight away. You should be VERY proud of yourself (I'm sure you are) bc I've only been in grad school for a month and this shit is SO HARD to handle and like fuck you're almost done with it and about to start your career and that shit is fucking AMAZING and BADASS and I genuinely wish you all the fucking success in your future

Hi bby,

Oh we are definitely doing the same thing. Thank you for the wonderful compliments, I really really appreciate it. And congrats on getting in!

I’m sure you know that this is the hardest year. It also has NO no NOOO bearing on your talent for the job. First thing they tell you at the job orientation is “nothing you learned in grad school will be useful here.” Shdjsh it’s a completely different thing that is muuuuuch more enjoyable than the boring ass stuff you are learning rn. For me it felt very much like year 1 is one program and years 2&3 are a totally different thing. Once you get your job during summer 1, all bets are off lmao. You just need to finish the thing. So really the pressure is only for 1 year. So that helps with the mindset of like “I only need to get to May.” In terms of getting the job, I have to be honest: they only care about your school. I had straight Bs and got like a major one. On the first group of the rank if you know what I mean. So go into knowing that you WILL get an offer and most likely many. I always tell people that getting into the school is the last real hurdle. Now, you just ride the wave. Once you get the job you will really feel like it’s done.

About the job itself, there is genuinely no better job out there. Yes it is a shit show in terms of commitment and amount of work but it is absolutely disproportionally well compensated. Like in a bizarre way. You will not get fired (unless you like assault a person etc). So you have this job kind of for life? It’s extremely secure. Do not get intimidated by it. It’s mostly you alone on your computer lmao it’s lit. You are so close to this DO NOT drop out. It is worth it. The money will change your family’s life. It will change your life for ever. Even if you leave at one point.

You are the same age I was and I get the vibe. It’s annoying but *none of it matters*. I just treat it like its drivers ed lmao. I’m there to be able to do the thing. I don’t care about yall wihdishshs. Speaking in class is meaningless and getting it wrong is like whatever. Do you care when ppl get it wrong? I barely notice it. So I think shifting your mindset from “this is undergrad 2.0” to “this is a prep course I am in and out of here” really helped me. I felt very alone during year 1. But as soon as year 2 starts everyone gets shuffled around so that cliquey feeling goes away massively.

I hope this helps! Pls come back if you have more questions as you move through the stages. But I promise you, you are in the worst part of it. Hang in there!!!!!

[maryrejahlilliving]

Fcking terrified of having kids cause I dnt want to anything to experience the feelings I do about these if like if the gene life is broken Jst end it like 3 generations of what ? Burnout and fail relationships? Thts mean to say and still so true. Help I’m happy I have tumblr to talk into the digital void benefits of never taking off as a influencer

[auraismoonstone]

ny department at work was cut in half today and now I’m fcking terrified