#I tried but for the life of me
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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#the book of bill gave me total brainrot#I fear they have taken over my life#tried to make bill look scary but then I added the bow tie 💀🙏#gravity falls#the book of bill#bill cipher#stanford pines#billford#toxic old man yaoi#emotional damage#song is I’m Your Man by Mitski#my art <3
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in light of the recent news that Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi has been found dead after a helicopter crash you might be wondering 'who the hell is this guy and why are so many people celebrating his death??' and i'm here to answer that!
to fully understand what's going on we need to look into Iran's history: when the Iranian revolution in 1979 happened the authoritarian king who was ruling at that time was overthrown, but the ensuing power vacuum lead to the islamic regime seizing power and establishing Iran as an islamic republic
the following years were incredibly cruel to the Iranian people; thousands of people (especially minorities) have been protesting against the strict islamic regime leading to many being jailed, tortured and executed.
and this is where Raisi played a big part: in 1988 he was part of a committee that ordered the execution of thousands of political prisoners who were protesting the islamic regime, earning himself the title of "the butcher of tehran"
do not be fooled by what the state media wants you to believe, the Iranian people are celebrating his death. he was a cruel mass murderer who has destroyed the lives of thousands of people, his death should be used as a time to mourn for all the suffering he has caused, and bring new attention to the political prisoners still being held in Iranian prisions today
because sadly the fight is far from over. many of you have probably heard of the murder of Mahsa Jina Amini back in 2022, causing a new wave of nationwide protests and establishing the "woman, life, freedom" movement. the regime has gotten increasingly cruel in their treatment of the Iranian people, especially women, but the people of Iran are not deterred and keep fighting for a free Iran.
if you want to know how you can help, please keep talking about us. the one thing the regime hates is international attention, and in the past it has been proven that international pressure has stopped the regime from executing various political prisoners. people like Toomaj Salehi are under imminent threat of execution and spreading their names could save their lives. so whether you share social media posts or talk to your family and friends about what is happening in Iran, anything helps 🙏🏼
jin, jiyan, azadi ✌🏼
#iran#ebrahim raisi#global news#woman life freedom#iran news#politics#turns out trying to summarize decades of oppression into a semi-coherent tumblr post is harder than i thought#so i tried to make it as short and accurate as possible ! but let me know if any elaboration is needed#this is far from what i usually post but i thought someone might appreciate the explanation <3#and i will not stand for anyone mourning that guy may he rot in hell#thank you to everyone who took the time to read this it means a lot to me !!
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Me when Logan was about to walk away in the end and Wade was like "Logan 🥺" and that's all it took for him to stay... Y'all I can't they love each other so much 😭
#whether it's friendship or y'all ship you can't say that they don't love each other this is so adorable to me i can't get over this movie#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#wade x logan#poolverine#Deadpool#wolverine#logan tried so hard to act tough but wade won 😭#you can't just sacrifice your life for a man and then act like you don't care bro you love him#he domesticated you#Deadpool 3
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i say if you’re gonna have the mysterious entities speak in rhyme you might as well commit (EDIT: part 2!)
(posting an unprecedented Part 1 of At Least 3 bc i actually have the entire script and most of the storyboarding for this done already)
#yknow. got an idea. had a breakdown. bon appetit#this was the creative impulse i was referring to on sunday#my art#secret life#secret life spoilers#slsmp#grian#geminitay#briefly#trafficblr#also#mostly bc i am proud of it and partly bc i want people to know it’s on purpose:#grian is not trying to rhyme at all in this part. he is being deliberately unhelpful#he lowkey tries to fuck it up on purpose in that second to last panel but the secret keepers just switch rhyme schemes#the one time he completes an end rhyme is because he lost his temper#anyway yeah this was motivated mostly by me wanting to see if i could do it
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I wish we could have met in some other way.
Lawlight Week Day 2: Soulmates
If you saw me repost and re-edit this several times uh No you didn't </3
Still frames/Individual gifs:
If you know what every frame is from you get a free cookie. by the way
#death note#dn#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#oh god here we go#death note jdrama#death note 2015#death note 2006#death note musical#lctw#l change the world#dntm#lawlightweek2024#my art#collapses i am NEVER putting this much effort in one piece ever again /hj this was the Only one i had mostly prepared in advance#ironically the most painstaking part about making this entire thing was converting the images into an animated file#that wasn't either horrifically compressed or just. wouldn't loop. why do gifs have to look so BAD it's so inconvenient#and THEN i realized I had to forcibly Stitch the two animations together so they would actually be synced and it wouldn't look dumb#and the end result is STILL so compressed. because Tumblr. uhhh just don't click on it it'll look so scuffed LOL. anyways#this is what i get for watching Every Adaptation of Death Note. i am a death note multiverse truther#usually i'd have something clever to say in the tags but. this drained the life out of me just uh.#yeah. they're doomed in every universe. this is the only way they could've met. they are doomed by their own natures and the#circumstances that surround them. there is no universe where light tries to prevent L's death. and even in the cases where L Doesn't die#there is no universe where L can save light. there is no universe where he can truly “catch” Kira and make him see where he went wrong#(<- if you read LCTW you know. :) )#in every universe and adaptation L will call Light his first friend. in some universes they'll take that notion more seriously than others#no matter what one of them will die due to the other. its the only constant. it's the only way it can ever be. they are the others downfall
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Consequences of one's prophecy.
What if sheep memorial site where they were executed. 😶
#narilamb#cotl#cult of the lamb#narinder#lamb#narinder x lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#my art#I'm up in the mountains for a funeral and this took THREE tries to upload the connection so wack#i drew the nari page in the car and i fought it eith my life#there was going to be a third page but nari tired me out
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a small self-indulgent comic about jim suddenly growing wings and spock being drawn to them
#ive never done comics in my entire life#so ty star trek the original series for finally making me#pls excuse me in advance for any spelling mistakes#i tried to check everything but i may remain an idiot in terms of spelling#spirk#st tos#star trek tos#spirk fanart#star trek fanart#tos spirk#tos fanart#art#star trek#my art
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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//wild life session 2 spoilers
.
more little doodles from joel and lizzies vids in session 2 !!!!!
family is life family is love
lizzie bonus
ahhh!!! there were so many more silly moments i loved in this session !! these were all i could speedraw atm !
#sleepyartt#wild life smp#the life series#traffic life#trafficblr#traffic series#wild life spoilers#lizzie ldshadowlady#joel smallishbeans#ethoslab#geminitay#goodtimeswithscar#TOO TIRED TO TAG THEM ALL BUT YEAH#session 2 was ruthless#everyone antagonizing gem n joel is so funny#also sry if the parrot colors look ASS i cannot for the life of me color birds to save my life#i tried to make it as similar to lizzies build ! i.. tried my best#tangotek#oops almost forgot the silly guy
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my oxygen
#I'm back in the fandom!!#I haven't drawn guys for a long time and tried something new#and now my drawings feel much more comfortable for me#😳😳😳#old obsessions make me feel better during a difficult time in my life right now#hi again ;)#marble hornets#brian thomas#tim wright#mh#fanart#mh fanart#mh fandom#brim#brim mh#mh brim#my art#digital art#mh tim wright#mh brian thomas#mh hoody#artists on tumblr
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big fan of panels where they look like they wld beat me up
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#megumi#YUUJI WILL NOT COOPERATE TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME >:(((#is it the angle ? is it the expression?? the bangs??????? am i just a fraud and a fake yuuji liker i dont know at this point#god#just . just take it i cant fiddle with the proportions any more ill go insane#it was worse when i tried colouring it but im STILL not 100% sold on it no matter what i shift or tilt#megumi my darling boy i love u at least You always have my back :'<#honestly my leading theory is that bc my yuuji design looks objectively More different than his canon design#its more prone 2 looking Wrong in my head#but even so !!! if i *have* my yuuji design down why does it still feel like im fighting fr my gd life when i try 2 draw him#it feels like he is shattering my drawing hand and smiling at me n taunting me w those shiny puppy eyes th entire time#head in hands I Don't Get It#when will i get it#anyway scoreboard yuuji: 623453766235 hina: 0
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ur art is sooo pretty to look at :3 could i mayhaps request a desert of the duo,,, if ud like to,,,
Idk what scars thinking about here but it doesn't seem very funtimeswithscar 😔
And thank youuu, finally got an excuse to draw desert duo hehe
#first time drawing them!! the ogs fr#also hc ive decided from drawing this is whenever gruan is sleeping one eye is always a little open still#procreate was making me want to kill a person though bc the colour profile was nothing like how i drew it no matter the settings#so sorry if the colouring is a bit eh i tried my best to fix it#grian#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#third life#trafficblr#just noticed grian typo . rite of passage idc#the crumb req-oning
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once more around the sun!! :3
#mine#cats#happy new year!!! a little late but alas#i didnt like th colours here but now i love them hehehehehheheh#i hope everyone had a good holidays life development for me is i now like ice hockey#in my sports fan era...these greasy sweaty bloody white men...intrigue me#also i got a new diary!! im using th hobonichi cousin in kinda alarmed by it ngl a5 is a lot of space to fill#i tried the hobonichi techo a couple years ago n found it a rlly weird size 2 work in but now.........big page scawwy#im trying not 2 b too insane about it . like relax who cares#if i do cute spreads i will share them :3#also in th same vein im not setting a book goal this year !! tbh i surpassed my goal last year by a lot and wasnt stressed about it at All#but i get so guilty about not reading sometimes like girl . guilty to who? god? are we catholic now? get a grip#anyway anway im going to toot on my flute and then eat my weight in mac n cheese#love how i had to get a new cork in my flute bc i didnt play for like 10 months n th guy was like play regularly! n i was like yeh will do!#and then did not do that#alas...time escapes me
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Meta Jazz, the Arkham Intern Therapist Pt1
Update 5/16/2024: Congrats guys, gals, and others! You have planted the seeds and they have grown. Today I wrote another 46 pages on this story (the first section was only 9 pages ya'll). I'm working on splitting it up into smaller sections so I can post it now because tumblr said no to doing it as one piece. I'll be using the tag #Meta Jazz Arkham Intern Therapist if you want to follow it.
Original Note: I'm going to go ahead and apologize for how OOC Bane is in this. It originally was Joker but I couldn't see Jazz tolerating his proximity for more than a single millisecond so Bane it is.
~*~*~
The hardest thing about being a Meta in Gotham was responding appropriately during a Rouge's attack, Jazz mused to herself. Or perhaps that was just the hardest part about being a Meta intern at Arkham while studying psychology at Gotham University. Or maybe it was just her, she considered watching the guards and Dr. Rylie whom she'd been shadowing for the past 2 weeks wide eyed, pale, and shaking as theybstared at Bane behind her. It must just be her, Jazz decided, newbie guard Kyle Jennings was definitely a Meta after all. She should probably give him some tips on hiding his enhanced strength considering how often he broke mugs, door handles, and other delicate items used in daily life.
"Weapons down or I'll snap her skinny little neck." Bane growled out, shaking her slightly for emphasis. She very much doubted that. Liminials were built different than the standard Meta, stronger, faster, better endurance, and senses even if they could mostly appear to be standard humans on the outside. As such, their bones and muscles were much were much denser than regular humans or even Meta humans. Technically, she could be considered "invulnerable" much like the Kryptonians are.
"Back up! Let him through!" Dr. Rylie shouted at the guards. "She's my student! Let him through!" His voice was higher pitched than she could recall hearing it before.
Ah. That was panic.
Jazz sighed involuntarily and glanced over her shoulder at Bane. Why the man had grabbed the only person close to his own height nearby was a mystery to her - no, nevermind, he clearly meant to use her as a shield - but it made looking him in the eye more difficult than necessary.
"Mr. Bane, remove your hands from my person, please." Jazz stated calmly, channeling what Danny called her inner mom as she spoke. "I will give you to one to comply."
Bane looked stunned for a moment then laughed.
"Five."
The laughing continued. Jazz could sense a stir of uncertainty through her colleagues as they looked on.
"Four."
"Did you really think that would work?" Bane snorted out, arms tensing more around her.
"Three." She continued, indifferent to his words from her experiences raising her brother. Once the count down starts you mustn't respond to anything the kids do or say until they comply or the count is done.
"What cab you even do if I don't?" Bane asked darkly breathing directly in her ear. She kept her face expressionless despite the urge to express disgust.
"Two."
"Jasmine..." Kyle whispered halfway across the hall from her looking on with a pained and horrified expression. Gun tilting towards the floor. Sloppy.
"One." She finished and Bane gave a derisive snort.
Then she was moving. Hauling the enormous man up and over her shoulder using the arm that had been wrapped around her neck. Bane hit the cold tile hard enough that the tiles, subfloor, structural supports, and part of the concrete foundation buckled beneath him. His shoulder popped out of joint, his wrist cracked - a hairline fracture by the sound of it - and his breath was punched out of him from the force of impact. She released his arm as soon as his was embedded in the tiles and moved forward. Kneeling over him, support most of her weight on her left foot resting on the broken ground, her right knees pressed firmly across his throat without supporting any of her weight. The position put more strain on her muscles than she would've liked but at least Bane couldn't risk fighting back without crushing his own neck in the process. He could hardly throw her while flat on his back with a mangled arm.
"Now," Jazz began, looking directly into the behemoth's pained eyes. "Do you know what you've done wrong?" She asked like she would have done with Danny as a child.
"Yes, Ma'am." Bane choked out. Jazz heard movement and murmuring behind her. She didn't turn to look.
"What did you do wrong?" She asked. It was important to make sure children correctly understood why they were in trouble after all. There was a long pause as Bane appeared to cast around for the exact right answer as if he feared getting it wrong. A bad habit Danny still uses as well, Jazz thought to herself.
"I tried to hold you hostage," He choked out in a rush, words tumbling over one another as he tried to get them all out. "I scared you coworkers and it was very disrespectful."
So he'd gone for the grab-bag response. It wasn't wrong per sey but it did indicate a past history of abuse. The type of answer given by someone who expected to be harmed or ignored if they gave the "wrong" answer. Danny tended to use that method also and their parents had always been negligent at best.
"And are you going to do it again?" She asked giving him a Look as she did. Bane's eyes widened and he tried to frantically shake his head as much as possible with the pressure on his neck.
"No, Ma'am." He promised fervently.
"Alright then," Jazz said giving him a warm smile. She gestured vaguely towards the guards without turning to look at them. "Kyle here is going to take you to see the nurse and then back to your room then. I'm sure you'll behave for him?"
"Yes, Ma'am. I'll behave." Bane said. Jazz stood slowly asking sure not to put any additional pressure on his neck as she did. Kyle came and stood next to her as the giant of a man slowly pulled himself to his feet then led him away with 5 other guards.
Jazz heaved a sigh. Well, time to find out whether or not she could play all that off as normal, non-Meta human behavior.
#dcxdp#dc x dp#dpxdc#dp x dc#jazz fenton#bane#arkham asylum#BAMF Jazz#Jazz is Danny's Mom#You cannot tell me that she didn't start viewing nearly every male around her as a child automatically after a life with Jack Danny and Vla#Feel free to add on#I was going to have one of the batkids show up toward the end#But it didn't have the same impact#And I don't think the guards had time to sound the alarm#Bane just got cleared from medical#Not even to his cell yet when he pulled this#Legit only tried because 'hey she's tall enough to be a human shield'#It was a bad decision lmao#Ngl Jazz's midwestern sensibilities would totally tell her Joker is a mad dog that needs to be put down#But I may be projecting#Meta Jazz#Arkham Intern Therapist#Meta Jazz AIT#MTAIT#AIT#Meta Jazz Arkham Intern Therapist#my original post#Because I reblog so much I now need that tag. lol
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me (on the chair) and my super soldier friends, im 6 foot 2 btw
#gordon freeman#half life 2#doomguy#doom guy#john 117#master chief#halo#dont ask me anything about mr chief ive yet ot play those games its coming up after i finish the doom games#drawing doom and chiefs armor was so hell this is technically only the sketch i tried lining it but it was simply too hard#i cant do it man#how do people do it#i thought the hev suit was hard but i was fooling myself#idoindeeddraw#ponderingradioactivedecay
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