#I would write myself but I suck
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I am begging for dad starlord x readers oh my god
#please I need him to be my dad#dad starlord is so real#but yet I find no fics of if anywhere#I would write myself but I suck#guardians of the galaxy#peter quill#gotg#star lord
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I just need one fic where Dazai throws away almost everything to rescue Chuuya, whether thats from corruption or from being killed. I need more of Dazai being extremely injured and ignoring his own pain for the sake of Chuuya. I need him to kill anyone who gets to close too killing chuuya. I need him to protect chuuya with his life. I need him to loose his shit in order to save Chuuya.
Just imagine
Dazai critically injured, limping over towards the person trying kill chuuya, (who was unconscious after either being poisoned or from using corruption) listening to them as they talk about how useless, weak and how much of a inhuman monster Chuuya is, before getting cut off by a raging Dazai who had just managed to swing his cane or some other weapon so hard on their head that it takes them out. Imagine him going up to Chuuya to make sure he's okay, as a secret firing squad comes to finish them off. Imagine Dazai holding chuuya as close as possible, becoming a human shield for Chuuya. Imagine that's what Chuuya wakes up to, a bloody Dazai pulling him closer than he ever had as an attempt to save his life. Maybe he survives, maybe he doesn’t. If Yosano is there, imagine Chuuya watching as they do the task of bringing dazai back to life, shocked and horrified by what he is seeing. Imagine Chuuya slapping Dazai in the face before hugging him.
I need this.
#I would write it myself but I suck at writing#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bsd dazai#dazai#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu#bsd chuuya#soukoku
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things that are hard to find: writing advice that isn't condescending.
#ambie.txt#I've been really thinking about this story in my head and wondering what caused me to get burned out from writing#and realising it's all the formal bits. planning an outline organising things into a timeline. I'm more of an impulse writer#and having to think about all those dry and formal things makes me quit before I even start#this is my autism but I hate having to stop and figure out all this before I write because that way I won't write at all#ever since I started free writing I discovered that I still love writing. I love it so much#but I hate doing all of the other things because they are not my special interest and they keep me from pursuing my special interest#it's just very hard to find writing advice that isn't condescending in this aspect#people stressing out you need an outline first are very common unfortunately#I'm more of a vibes no plot person and like to just discribe the vibes in vivid detail#before worrying about the plot too much. and yes in a story there had to be a plot#but if worrying about the plot and connecting all the scenes is killing my creativity#I want to just go from details first and bigger picture later#again. autism. also writing dialogue is the worst. idk how people talk. I don't understand body language etc etc#I have written some pretty good dialogue before so I know I'm capable. it just really sucks when I have to scrutinise everything#and think “would people say this? do they talk like that?” its draining#so I was thinking about writing dialogue separately. maybe write it as a script for a play#which is essentially just dialogue. and then match it with the scene descriptions I have written#like. I know I'm a good writer. I very good one. but the way I have been writing so far has burned me out#because it was too much focused on all the boring bits and not enough on the freedom and joy of just writing#which is why I love free writing. it allows me to focus on a few tiny details and then develop them into something bigger#also I hate writing on a computer so I got some notebooks so I can write on paper instead#it's where I'm most creative I've found#anyway this all just to say that I think following writing advice is not for me at least not now when I'm rediscovering my passion#and that I need to trust myself more and do things that make me happy#so um yeah. best writing advice is to just write and worry about it later
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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A long list of Clone Wars headcanons just cause
Sometimes Ahsoka will get the zoomies and how she handles that energy is roughhousing with Anakin who's more than willing to participate
It becomes a show for the 501 because seeing the small togruta tackle the lanky ass nightmare that is Anakin Skywalker to the floor is hilarious
They are both guilty of not knowing their strength so some people (cough cough Obi-Wan cough cough) caution them against it they don’t really listen tho which has resulted in some pretty hilarious injuries
One of those injuries happened when they were playing around and Ahsoka shouldered Anakin so abruptly that he fell back on him tailbone and got the wind knocked out of him she sat by his side laughing her ass off
It took her an unreasonable amount of time to realize he was in pain and when she did she started apologizing like crazy she still gets embarrassed when people bring it up and still apologizes years later
There was another time when Ahsoka turned her back to Anakin when they were roughhousing and he pushed her so hard that she almost fell off of the landing platform they were standing on
He snatched her up by the stomach while muttering “I’m so sorry” and then he started frantically checking to make sure he didn’t seriously hurt her while Ahsoka laughed so hard she swears to this day that she pulled something
Unfortunately when the laughter stopped she did realize she managed to sprain her wrist and when Anakin found he helped her wrap it
You’d think that they’d learn from these incidents but nope they still play fight like two big dogs
Even tho Anakin and Ahsoka’s place is pretty clean it’s never really quiet there’s always gotta be some kinda noise
Sometimes it’s Ahsoka’s music playing loudly in her room, sometimes it’s a holomovie in the living room, and sometimes it’s just them bickering in the kitchen
It doesn’t matter what it is it’s never truly quiet even at night there’s a small amount of noise from Anakin’s snoring (which he denies) and Ahsoka’s purring thing (which she also denies)
As crazy as it sounds the people closest to them will admit that their noise is strangely comforting
Anakin and Ahsoka are so freaking similar that it turns heads sometimes they’ll say something the other said but they’ve never heard like “This is where the fun begins”
It’s stopped Obi-Wan in his tracks before it kinda freaks him out and worries him a little bit but it also puts a small smile on his face when the duo says the same thing at the same time
They’re also able to predict how the other will react once Ahsoka was teaching the clones tricks with her saber and they broke it they felt terrible but they were also terrified about Anakin’s reaction
Ahsoka was the only calm one in the room and explained to the group that Anakin would pretend to be pissed for about an hour but then he’d “calm down” and ask for the parted to fix it and by that time rolled around she’d already have his favorite holo prepped and food from Dex’s
They listened to her with a healthy amount of skepticism and were happily surprised to find out the next day that she was right
There was another time when Anakin and Obi-Wan decided to buy Ahsoka her favorite boba to soften the blow that she wasn’t gonna go on a mission Anakin told Obi-Wan that she’d be happy for a minute before asking what happened and he was right
When Ahsoka got closer to Anakin the clones and everyone else she showed her secret passion for acting like she doesn’t know them in public when they piss her off
It worked a couple of times and one of those times Rex almost got arrested because the officer didn’t believe that they were the commander and captain of the 501st Rex didn’t blame the dude because he couldn’t prove it without Ahsoka’s help and she refused to back him up
Ahsoka finally dropped the act when the cuffs came out but she was still kinda reluctant
She did agree to take a break from that prank and she stopped doing it entirely when Obi-Wan had to bail Anakin out of jail (she bought a lot of boba for a very long time to make up for that one)
They will reference the prank occasionally by asking each other at random points in the day “Do I know you?”
Like sometimes they’ll be out and Anakin will ask “Have we met before?” most of the time Ahsoka will answer “No actually we haven’t” (this girl is wearing his cloak he’s wearing one of her headwraps and his arm is resting on her head)
Sometimes Padme will make a big deal of taking Anakin and Ahsoka out to do something just the three of them
Whenever Padme and Anakin show the smallest form of affection towards each other Ahsoka makes a big deal about gagging Anakin makes a bigger deal of “evening it out”
Like if he kisses Padme and Ahsoka gags he’ll grab her and give her a big smooch on the forehead and then like the little shit that he is he’ll whip his lips calling her greasy
She gets him back by whipping the spit off her forehead with his robes (and also backhanding him which Padme kindly ignores)
Padme will sometimes tease her too like if she grabs Anakin’s hand then she’ll link arms with Ahsoka and make a small comment like “There now you’re even”
Sometimes Ahsoka will get them both back in the moments when they check on each other first she’ll make a big deal about saying “Well kriff me I guess” even if she doesn’t have a scratch on her
Both Anakin and Padme will make a big deal about checking her for injuries with a couple of comments like “Oh my poor little padawan you have a scratch from training last night how did you cope”
I said in my first post that Ahsoka and Anakin have a playlist and I love the idea that they have different titles for them like “Obi-Wan’s least favorite playlist” “get ready to kick seppie’s ass” “the council pissed me off again” and stuff like that
It’s all in good fun but they’ll never let anyone else see those titles because they know it’ll get a good scolding from Obi-Wan
The moment Obi-Wan knew Anakin had formed an “unnecessary attachment” wasn’t some big life-or-death moment on the battlefield
In hindsight it was a pretty funny moment that was caused by Anakin’s stupidity cause he had broken a glass earlier that day and he thought he got all the pieces so he didn’t feel it was necessary to tell Ahsoka
Next thing he knows the poor togruta is gasping in pain and when he goes to check on her she’s sitting on the kitchen floor while the mother of all glass shards is sticking out of her foot
Now you might be asking “How did Anakin miss a glass shard the size of his hand?” he honestly couldn’t give you an answer but he could tell you was in that moment he realized that he forgot to restock the med kit even though Ahsoka had reminded him about it earlier that day
All Obi-Wan got to see of this was a blur of Anakin holding his profusely bleeding padawan while yelling at the top of his lungs “Move she’s bleeding out!”
No one can really blame the man for dropping everything he was doing to chase after his former padawan and they also can’t blame him for assuming the worst like her being stabbed or shot
He didn’t know what he was expecting when he walked into the halls of healing but it wasn’t an embarrassed Anakin standing over a cackling Ahsoka as the healers scolded him for causing a scene
He makes a silent note to give Anakin a small lecture about keeping his emotions under control before checking on his giggly grand padawan
#star wars#the clone wars#star wars clone wars#star wars headcanons#anakin skywalker#ahsoka tano#obi wan kenobi#padmé amidala#captain rex#ahsoka and anakin#snips and skyguy#disaster siblings#this duo puts the universe through hell#and it's hilarious#It sucks so bad that while I was writing this I was also coming up with like angsty stuff#like bro im trying to live in denial here#but like can you imagine how hard it would hit Anakin to go back to their quarters and it's quiet for the first time in ever#or like him saying something and he stops because he knows that Ahsoka would say something like that#or when him and Padme go out and he holds her hand he kinda holds his other arm out and waits for Ahsoka to grab it and she never does#or Ahsoka's trying to fix things with Vader before fighting#like trying to use her old methods of making stuff up to Anakin but it obviously doesn't work because she's not talking to Anakin#or Ahsoka looking at the scar on her foot when she was on the run or after order 66#I make myself sad#anyways I'm gonna go cry in a corner now
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idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny
aka my average day as of now
#1. impulsive silly thoughts#2. STOP FORGETTING TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!1 please :3 (note for myself me myself and i)#3. i get sad 🥱#4. tired#(tumblr deleted half of my tags. isnt that nice though you wont have to listen to my essay of vents nobody wanted to hear that)#vent art#wrylu#lu's canvas#negative thoughts below :) have some flowers 💐#sometimes i feel like i should get up more and spend time with my family i miss how it used to be#but you know what i suck and im practically glued to my chair and im lazy like if i was one of the 7 deadly sins i would be sloth#im surprised im not dead yet#this is purely for myself to speak my poor mind#no i actually hate this#i wanna die#i wish i was dead#not really#but still#i wish time just stopped so i can re evaluate my life#and whoa damn dysphoria makes an appearance ever#i wish i had a schlong (funny)#this is awful#sometimes i feel manipulative like i switch my emotions and personalities so hard#am i manipulating you guys??#i feel like im being sad for attention#ugh i hate that the internet is my comfort#thats bad isnt it#i feel like an attention seeker#why am i even writing this 🥱🥱#i cant wait to fall asleep forever
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Ok I had a really funny Drabble idea for an astarion x reader where reader/tav has the WORST bed head known to man no matter what they do so when they wake up for the first time next to Astarion he can’t help but laugh his ass off at how ridiculous tav/reader looks and he constantly teases them for it (damn him and his stupidly perfect hair though, he is the type of person who always wakes up with perfect hair somehow)
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate astarion#baldurs gate iii#baldur's gate 3#astarion#astarion acunin#astarion x tav#astarion x reader#I would write this myself but midterms are actually sucking me dry rn#genuinely loosing my sanity#anywaysssss
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2!
Hounds of Love by The Futureheads. Oh! What a gem!! I first loved this song when I was a wee bab and rediscovered it this past summer. It, along with all my top songs, was on a summer driving playlist which is why it is so insanely high haha. There's a sort of lovely pastoral wildness to this and I think that suits our lads so well.
An outdoorsy AU with competence kink out the wazoo, where Dream is a bird specialist at a wildlife rehabilitative centre, who becomes a minor TikTok celebrity (much to his enormous apathy) when the centre starts doing interpretive meet-birds events and the internet falls in love with this dour hottie who only smiles when he's talking about birds (Matthew, naturally, runs the account). Hob is a hunter - bow, mostly - who is regrettably very on TikTok, very on all social media - he hates the term but he is unquestionably an 'influencer'. He just likes sharing his knowledge and passion, alright? And the gear sponsorships are nice.
He sees Dream, and sees, mostly, a really great collab opportunity, so he messages him, and Dream (who is Matthew, and just shouted HOB FUCKING GADLING? IN MY DMs? at his phone when he got the message, immediately sets up a meeting at the centre. Then he breaks the news to Dream, specifically when Dream is holding Jessamy, so he can't be murdered.)
Dream, of course, expects Hob to be some like, swaggering font of red-blooded machismo talking points, and suspects Hob is only popular because he looks like an advertisement in Outdoor Living. (Matthew showed him pictures.) He disregards Matthew, who says Hob is actually super cool, because Matthew has terrible taste and would be the first to admit it. But his interest is piqued when Lucienne also knows who Hob is. It turns out Hob is deeply involved in nature and wildlife conservancy. Gives talks at schools. Gets involved with land protection initiatives. Teaches orienteering to youth. But everyone seems to expect him to hate Hob, which he would find faintly insulting except that he also expects himself to hate Hob. He doesn't. Not that much. Even when he shows up in a plaid shirt that is made of 'technical' fabric, because he's smart and excited to talk to Dream about birds, has an encyclopedic knowledge of the history of falconry, and most importantly, Jessamy takes to him immediately.
They run into each other again at a renaissance fair, another thing Dream hates but has been strong-armed into doing, and so they are both dressed in very silly clothes when it happens: the first time Hob watches Dream demonstrate falconry, the first time Dream watches Hob use a longbow made from a yew tree he fell himself, the first time they go from a wary sort of respect for one another to a wanting.
Dream, who has a recurring fantasy about running away from it all, listens to Hob tell tracking stories and thinks, If I went into the woods, you would find me. But he doesn't want to run from Hob - except sometimes, when he sees Hob chew on his lip consideringly before giving a thoughtful answer about the guiding industry, or when Hob grins wildly at the crowd after his archery demonstration, and most of all, when Hob phones him out of the blue one day - he doesn't text, he phones - sounding a little breathless with excitement, and asks Dream if he wants to come with him for a week in the mountains, on "probably a wild goose chase" and promises "all sorts of birds if nothing else." (Hob had meant to only share the news with Dream. Fuck, he thinks. I am so fucked.)
He says yes, for the birds, of course, and tells Matthew the next time he's at the centre.
"So what's the wild goose chase?" asks Matthew.
Dream plumbs his memory of the phone call and says, "Hob told me he received a bighorn sheep tag." Matthew gapes at him.
"Holy shit," says Matthew. "He's in love with you."
"He is certainly not."
"Uh, no, respectfully boss, he 'certainly' is. Lucienne!" he shouts, "Hob invited Dream to come out on his Dall sheep tag. What the fuck, right?"
Lucienne comes in and raises her eyebrows. "Oh dear," she says. She's smiling.
"What," says Dream. "It's a sheep. I don't understand."
Lucienne and Matthew exchange a glance.
"Him. I cannot believe Hob chose him," says Matthew.
"Love works in mysterious ways," says Lucienne.
"I am right here," says Dream.
Matthew turns to him, "Have fun in Alberta," he says.
this would ft. nights of wild stars, rugged terrain, type ii fun, sexual tension around a campfire, homoerotic form checks, tent sharing, dream glassing beautiful birds with hob's $3000 binoculars while hob stares at him in abject adoration, dream watching hob strip off his clothes and jump into an alpine lake, and refusing to join him out of pretended prudishness when it's really because he's suddenly so hard it hurts, camp coffee, confessions about themselves instead of confessions about their feelings for each other, sore muscles for a VARIETY of reasons, and lots of allegories about wildness and taming and running away from things, and SO MUCH COMPETENCE KINK, friends. so much. i would probably write it like - act one them leading their separate lives, their desires and aches etc., act two - meetcute and circling one another, act three - The Trip. this one has a very happy ending i can tell
#the sandman#dreamling#'this one won't be more than a few paragraphs' i say#stopping myself NOW ha ha#another AU I Would Write for suuuure#luring you in with the promise brokeback mountain style pastoral yearning#then leaping onto my soapbox and waxing poetic abt our relationship with meat and nature and nonhuman life#about hunting trips and multiday outdoor trips in general as a way of enriching relationships with others#about connecting in profound ways that feel only accessible in a place where humans are exceptions and not the rule#where our endemically lonely society and all the guardedness is stripped away before the beauty and the ache of the suck#wild spaces making room for wild emotions#for humanity#in a way cities and towns do not#ANYWAYS#shout out to the person reading this who understands the significance of a bighorn sheep tag as a feelings confession lol#(hucks this post onto my teetering want-to-make-this-a-WIP pile)#spotify wrapped prompt#my writing
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You ever write something that causes you physical pain
#I say this like I’ve actually written anything#if anyone saw my torture nexus too close to the sun post earlier it’s about the same fucking thing#why did I do this to myself#and the worst part is it makes fucking sense#they would do that#becuase time lords fucking suck#but now it has to happen to my time lord guy#and I don’t like it#and yeah yeah it’s my story and my character I can do whatever I want but I think I have to do this#problem is is that ideas for these ocs down in my brain and then I have to write them#I don’t have control over this shit#j rambles#tag for my ocs
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While I'm currently obsessing over Soaps journal:
I want to see more artist Soap. I feel like not enough people take into consideration that that man knows what to do with a pencil. He draws maps, landscapes, portraits of the other soldiers.
I want artist Soap drawing Ghost, who has no clue that the soldier can even draw a stick figure, while the masked man thinks Mactavish is just staring at him menacingly from across the room because he's talking shit about him in his journal. Meanwhile Soap is just trying to get that one infuriatingly minute detail on his stupid mask down.
#cod mw2#cod#call of duty#soap cod#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#soapghost#writing#i would write jt myself but i need you all to consider that i suck
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Please please pleassee tell me there is one ninjago fan who use to be obsessed with lloyd when they were little (or like any of the 5 ninja). And when I mean obsessed, i mean watching multiple amvs about them, convincing yourself that your dating them, INSISTING that you were dating them to your elementary school friends during recess, commenting down on the said amvs that you were definitely dating them and drew so much cringy stuff with your self insert oc and them together.
#it took guts to write this#but seriously i am not alone in this right???#cause it would SERIOUSLY SUCK IF I WAS THE ONLY ONE HERE AND I JUST MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF BY OPENLY ADMITTING MY CRINGY PAST#like please it could be ANY character from ninjago I DON'T CARE JUST TELL ME IM NOT ALONE#ninjago#lego ninjago#lloyd garmadon#ninjago lloyd#if im going to be a ninjago fan again i have to confront my past
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working on a gifset and can i just say phia saban the ACTRESS THAT YOU ARE:
the sharp fucking turn when he's like wubuwbwu its a lieeee, the withering looks she gave him. it was excellent.
#tbd#anti helaemond#i guess sorry lol#full offence but i would just throw myself into the godseye if helaena looked at me like that#anyway listen the show is trash and yeah x sucks and y sucks but like i know she channelled all the energy for this one#l'm so bitter about like the lack of helaegon and even saltier bc tom and phia tried to get scenes#they fucked like the worst moment of these two chars lives and didn't even let them share in a loss that only the two of them could fathom#but man i felt it here she was channelling it here ok that's all i can say#it was sooooo you come onto my balcony after you tried to kill my husband and now u try to lie to meee????#will anything come of this? no because condom and hiss are trash but like i am sorryyyyy for enjoying this but i'm not#it's all nonsense but i'm willing to take my CRUMB!!!#but yeah like to be clear: it's frustrating that she's relegated to this no taste for flying shit and i hate it so much#genuinely a disgusting thing to throw in there for a char who canonically loved nothing more than flying on her fucking dragon#bc if they are so determined for her to not wanna burn people there is literally everything to gain and nothing to lose#by having her fly around on dreamfyre just as a show of strength or scouting or anything#and faux feminist sara piss i'll never forgive you for your gross writing#like fucking hate show clownmond so much but like yeah she is his only option i agree#but i'm just going to enjoy this in isolation bc it was so cathartic after rr and a*mond continued to torture a fucking bedridden aegon#and an entire season of his fam treating him like shit#hotd spoilers
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I think I just pinched a nerve on accident-
Twas moving my right hand around then when I was moving my thumb and pointer finger (I think those 2???) really quickly it just caused a sorta static sensation??? Idk if it was really staticy but it definitely wasn't normal audaydyshdhsidufy
#idk uhhhhhhhhh-#yeah idk if I really did or not but it's midnight rn so imma go to bed and try to keep myself layed on my back with the right arm and hand#relaxed as much as possible by ny side#abd if it gets worse at some point tomorrow I'll tell mom and see how that goes!😅#also if I did this would absolutely fuckin SUCK cuz I draw and write with my right hand and I wouldn't wanna make anything worse :/#well if it does come to that I can help my ambidexterity reemerge from when I was younger I suppose :P#venting me#so uh- good night!!
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Anyone else out here haunted by the unknowns of recovery?
#got a doctor's appointment tomorrow#bout going back on some kind of antidepressant/anti anxiety meds#bc i NEED to. like. the anxiety in particular is really bad and it's stopping me doing Most things#but my brain may be a shitty place to live rn but i kind of know how it works#and i have things i can semi rely on to cheer me up and things i know i can still do#what if the funky new chemical cocktail idk. makes me lose interest in writing?#thay would suck!! ! i just rediscovered it!!!#but i also can't put getting better on hold just bc I've found a bit of a creative groove that i wanna hang on to yknow?#idk. obviously i hope that being on meds that work will make me MORE creative not less#bc maybe I'll be less anxious about everything being perfect and less anxious sbout putting it out there#but it's just that fear i guess of to tackle the unhelpful parts of your brain sometimes the parts you like get caught in the crossfire#i hope I'll become MORE myself not less#but I've been unmedicated for a while now#and my brain isn't a fun place to be but i understand it#idk what's gonna happen in the next few weeks#i hope it's good#mr. bees speaks
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the thing with wanting to write fics again is that I know what i want to write but also i really have no idea what I want to write
#I want to start small but again like idk what to write#I have this ongoing pintrest board that’s like….a vibe and a story but idk what#I would say send in prompts but honestly I would psyche myself out and i wouldn’t do them#idk idk idkkkk I want to write again so bad but I have a mental block that’s preventing me#it sucks
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What did I get for my 32nd birthday? New blood clots. While on blood thinners. RAD.
Having to be admitted and now have to talk to hematology and vein specialists tomorrow to figure out what the fuck my body is doing
🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼
#literally#killing myself would be so easy#life is so fucking hard and I’m truly at my limit#I cannot handle any more stress#fuck me fuck me fuck me this sucks#about me#personal#cream writes
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