#I wish I had someone to take care of me instead of having to take care of myself
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phys-psy-disabled · 2 days ago
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Something I've learned as someone with unpredictable function from day to day - this is why you take care of yourself when it "doesn't matter" yet. You can get support for your mental health (whether that's therapy or having a support network of other people you can rely on) before you're in crisis. You can start learning more productive, healthier coping skills even when your life isn't falling apart. You can start making time to take care of your body and mind before one or both break down and force you to make time. When you get support and strategies on the good days, they'll be there for you on the bad ones, when you need them most.
I spent much of my adult life pushing through stuff even though I was suffering from physical disabilities and trauma, because I thought there was no safety net for me if I couldn't get all my hours in at my job. I put off getting the help I needed for what I was going through, and the result was that over the past couple years I gradually lost the ability to work my job at all. With no other choice, I've been forced to get the help I needed all along, and I've discovered there were safety nets and other options there the whole time. My life definitely isn't easy right now, but after getting help and learning healthier coping skills, I'm happier than I was for years, and I have hope that there are multiple things I can do to keep surviving and getting a little better. I just wish I'd actually stopped and gotten help so much sooner, instead of waiting until I had no other options. So I'm writing this to encourage you not to wait as long as I did. You deserve to be doing better right now.
it's so fucked up you cant start working on your life at 3 am. when it most matters
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bbokicidal · 2 days ago
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where has the time gone? | [SKZ]
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genre: angst pairing: skz ot8 x reader warnings: major character death in every scenario <- read at your own discretion
may flowers grow in the saddest parts of you.
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1 year, 2 months, 14 days.
"Happy Valentine's Day." Chris coos as his hands gently tighten around the bouquet pressed into his chest. There's a soft silence that falls between the two of you and he can't help but smile, knowing it's unavoidable when he's at a loss for words - and he's the only one who can speak. "I brought you these. I remembered they were your favorite," the plastic crinkles under his fingertips, slowly moving to kneel down and hand the bouquet over. The damp grass of the early morning stains his jeans and yet he can't bring himself to care when the feeling is nothing compared to the overwhelming cold of not being able to hold you in his arms. His breathing is stuttered, shaky and warm as it leaves his lips. A hand places gently atop the heavy stone in front of him; Your name engraved with your birth - and death - date. Already over a year ago... "I wish you were here with me."
1 year, 27 days.
Minho's lip curls into his teeth and he bites down. He was grateful your mother let him in here whenever he needed it; Showing up with no warning only to be let in with warm hugs and soft welcomes, whispers that he could stay as long as he wanted. Your childhood bedroom was so... inexplicably you. Books, games, an old television, and lots of old knick knacks like a doll here and there or a blanket now stained with wear and tear. He knows your mother wouldn't mind if he touched things, moved stuff around or maybe even cleaned it up a little. But he wanted to leave it the way it was when you last touched everything. He felt that if he disturbed the peace the room brought him, your spirit would be gone for good. The closest he came was letting his back rest against your bedpost as he sat on the ground and took it all in, eyes swelling with tears. He knew he needed to stop coming here, stop disturbing your family with his presence, but he didn't want to let go.
1 year.
Changbin's hands wrap tight around the balcony railing. The metal was stained with the cold and it bit at his palms and fingertips, gnawing at him to let go. Though truth be told it didn't bother him at all - He was too busy overlooking the city lights surrounding his hotel room. He knew he'd be here a year ago today; But he was supposed to be here with you. On your anniversary together, celebrating and drinking wine, eating chocolates, tangling your limbs together in the bed and enjoying each other's presence in the city of love. But because he was stupid and offered to take you out for drinks later in the evening, a year ago today, you weren't here. The memory of the driver, intoxicated and bleary, ramming into the front of the company car makes his hands tighten around the railing in anger. Who was he to take you from him? What made him hate his life so much that he had to take another's instead? Changbin seethes on the instead, jaw clenched and tears pouring down soft cheeks usually filled with small smiles. He lets out a breath; slow, tired, pissed. But he knows that you would want him to enjoy his time in Paris even if he'd gone with the others because you weren't around anymore - so he'll do his best to relax and have fun while he can. Even if the overwhelming guilt is forever lingering.
10 months, 19 days.
"It hasn't even been a year and you're asking me to get over it." Hyunjin sobs as he pushes his palms into his eyes, fingers curled tight into fists and body wracking with his cries. "I can't just forget about them! I don't know what you - expect from me!" He can feel someone's arms wrap around him from his right and he knows immediately that it's Felix, curling up close to him and pressing his cheek into Hyunjin's shoulder with a frown. He knew Hyunjin was more angry than anything about your passing - knew that he wasn't ready to quit mourning just yet. But he couldn't keep letting it show during interviews, on stage, or during other performances. Hyunjin cried when he realized you weren't backstage to cheer him on at concerts, or had angry outbursts when anyone would talk about you and joke about things you use to say or do because he thought of it as them slandering your name even if it was a simple discussion. He couldn't stand people laughing at the memory of you because what was there to laugh at? You were dead. And with your passing, a part of him that was lighter, giggly and... happy - disappeared as well.
not yet corpses; still, we rot.
8 months, 4 days.
Jisung sits with his head down on the desk, arms thrown over the back of his head and fingers grasping hard at his hoodie sleeves. The song that plays over the studio speakers is one he had produced almost a year ago now; a softer melody, something close to "13" - a song you loved more than any of the songs that came out on their albums. He never told you - he never got the chance to - but he'd been making the song for you. Back then when you'd heard it there were no lyrics - just a sweet instrumental that made you feel like you should be dancing in a ballroom to the music, or like you belonged in a romance movie with the song playing in the background. But now... Now, he'd integrated the words he'd meant to say to you all along.
"If everything around seems dark, look again, you may be the light. (-Rumi)"
3 months, 5 days, 13 hours.
Felix's head felt heavy. Clouded. Dull. Broken. How long had he been on hiatus, now...? How long would it continue? Was he letting his fans down? Oh, right now he.. truthfully couldn't be bothered to care. As much as he adored them, everyone, he felt like he had to put himself first - even if it meant disappearing from the Earth for a few months so he could grieve the loss of his favorite person in the world. He'd returned home only a few days after it had happened, giving the boys little time to see him before he left for Australia to be away from the scene of the crime. He knew it was a freak accident, knew it never should have happened, but he also knew that if he had been two steps closer, an arm's length away - you might still be with him right now. Everything would be okay. You'd be back in the dorms cuddling or baking together, smacking each other with flour and making a mess so big even Seungmin couldn't fathom it. Or maybe, if he'd been too close to you in that moment, both of you would be gone. He shouldn't be thinking it, but... maybe that would have been better than living in a world without you.
27 days.
Seungmin wasn't sure how to feel. He was one of the group members known for being quiet, minding his own business and being a bit stoic compared to the others. But this behavior was... new. The way his jaw clenched at every mention of your name, or the way his body tensed and his hands curled into fists when he saw pictures of you. He felt an overwhelming frustration each time someone brought you up in conversation, feeling as though speaking about it would make him relive the memory of seeing the moment your body collapsed into nothing. Seungmin hated everyone who spoke about you even if it was in a positive light because he didn't want them to keep bringing you up - every mention of your name made his heart tighten in his chest until it felt like he was suffocating. And it pained him even more that people thought he wasn't grieving. Because he wasn't openly crying in public or speaking about you to the masses of media. He saw the way people spoke about him online, calling him a liar, a fake; Saying his love for you was never real. So in dealing with all of his emotions, Seungmin went home every night and laid in his bed, face buried down into his pillow. He let it build up, let the tears finally flow from his eyes, and screamed into the memory foam so loud that Felix could hear it from the next room over while gaming. He'd sob into the pillow until his throat was raw, curling up around himself and pulling his blanket over his head. People were talking about you, and now about him, too. And he didn't know how to handle it.
16 hours.
Jeongin sat in silence, but his head screamed every fews seconds for him to do something. There, on the couch in his dorm, Jeongin sat stiff with his hands digging into his knees as Chan sat nearby - rubbing gently over his back and quietly talking about how they could make arrangements, celebrate your life even if you were gone; But Jeongin heard none of it. His ears were ringing; a constant, nonstop screech that pained him to sit through, all while his thoughts were whirling around in his head like a raging dust storm that clouded all other thoughts of peace and contentedness. Get up. Go to them. Go to the hospital. Go identify them even if it's not your place. Get up. Go to the hospital. Get up. Get up. Go to them. Go to them. Go. Anywhere. Away. Go away. Go away.
He choked, and Chan stopped talking. He watched as Jeongin's eyes finally welled with tears. It was one of the only times Chan had seen Jeongin so emotional with tears pooling down his face in heavy streams of grief, his chest jerking with every breath until he was breaking down in his Hyung's arms and allowing himself to be held. Even if he went to you, you wouldn't be there. You wouldn't be smiling at him, greeting him with sparkling eyes. He would never see you again. He would never hear your voice again. And how was he supposed to live with that?
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eremikayearner · 1 day ago
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friendship bracelets ‹𝟹 itoshi rin
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ in which you and your best friend, itoshi rin, decide to make friendship bracelets together.
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⟡ ݁₊ . rin didn’t believe in such things as friendship bracelets. why should he? why should an inanimate object represent such an invisible thing such as friendship? it was moronic, really. a cheap scam that stemmed from money starved companies to profit off of foolish children and teenagers who so desperately wanted to make something intangible material.
all those thoughts went out the window at your suggestion to make friendship bracelets.
“but why?” rin asked incredulously as you settled down on the bed across from him, a box of string and colourful beads in her hands.
of course, he wouldn’t deny your request. but as your best friend, shouldn’t he be entitled to hear a logical side to your idea? maybe a good reason? he’d even take just for fun as an answer.
you gingerly placed the box down on your soft bed sheets, a small smile lifting your lips as you opened the box. your slender fingers travelled down the dividers in the box before landing on a coil of clear string. you finally looked up at him, and oh he could’ve sworn you were heaven sent - with your eyes settled on him and your glossed lips pulled into a shy smile and your cheeks flushed pink, you really did look heavenly.
“i want a piece of you with me everywhere.” you confessed softly.
the gods must really be praying on his downfall. his supposed-to-be-small crush on you was worsening every day by the hour, and you really weren’t helping out his case. how could you? not when you were sweet, kind, intelligent, caring, funny and beautiful, and everything he didn’t deserve.
the flush that painted his cheeks cherry blossom pink could be mistaken for makeup blush just from how prominent it was. he averted his teal gaze from you, his breath hitching as his heart fluttered in his chest.
the striker who knew every inch of his body and had excellent control over every limb vanished in your presence. instead there was a blushing, nervous, boy who suddenly didn’t know how to calm his heart or where to put his hands or where to even look.
how is my body betraying me right now?
“what kind of friendship bracelets do you have in mind?” he asked, desperate to calm his body and his foggy mind that was filled with thoughts of you.
“i was thinking we could do our eye colours.” you explained, your manicured fingers tipping into a small section of the box filled with gorgeous teal beads. you looked up at him, tilting your head with a small smile. “thoughts?”
he still didn’t look in your eyes, his long fingers going towards the box instead and picking up a bead that matched your eye colour perfectly. he gathered more beads into his hand as you placed a clear string in front of him and a silver heart shaped pendant with your initial on it, affirming, “these match your eyes perfectly. it’s an amazing idea.”
clearly pleased with yourself, you smiled. “my ideas are pretty great.”
rin scoffed, but not without a secret smile of his own.
so the two of you worked on the bracelets diligently, occasionally bickering and giggling, but never looking away from the masterpieces you were creating.
screw all that shit he said before about friendship bracelets being meaningless. now he understood the point of these damn things. it wasn’t to mark a friendship. no, it was to have and to hold a piece of the other person at all times. it was to keep a piece of someone with you, a piece that only you could have. it was to give a piece of yourself to someone, a piece that only they could have. he’d give you hundreds - no, thousands of friendship bracelets so you could have multiple pieces of him with you forever. he’d give you all of him if you wished.
once his masterpiece was finished, he put the clear string between his teeth to hold it in place as he tied both ends of the bracelet together. he lifted the pretty bracelet up, admiring his work and the beauty of your eye colour with the pretty silver shine of your initial, before lowering his hand and meeting your gaze once more.
your beauty would never fail to take his breath away. like an angel from heaven, you looked at him with such hope and warmth, he couldn’t help but fall deeper in love with you. no matter what you did, you destroyed his hopes of keeping this supposed-to-be-small crush small and pulled him into falling irrevocably in love with you.
the small teal bracelet in your hands matched his eyes, the shiny little pendant with the letter R on it dangled prettily.
neither of you knew what possessed you to do this, but you both lifted the bracelets to each other’s faces, admiring the complete match in eye colour.
rin really did feel like he had a piece of you with him. a bracelet with a pretty colour that could only match one girl’s pretty eyes.
rin lowered his hand with yours as his attention went to the shift in your mood, your eyes glittering with something like yearning as you looked into his eyes.
“your eyes are so pretty, rin.” you said softly, as if the words were laced with an intimacy you could never take back.
rin thought he had died and went to heaven. his heart skipped a beat before beating faster than it ever had before, his lips parting in surprise as he tried to take in a breath as calmly as he could. oh my god, now you’d really done it. he really was in love with you.
“your eyes are pretty too, y/n.” he breathed, his voice softer than ever.
“you really think so?”
he was nearly taken aback by your words. was that even a question? of course your eyes were pretty. god, anything and everything about you was pretty. no, you weren’t just pretty. you were every word that could possibly convey a being’s beauty. otherworldly, ethereal, angelic, stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, every word he could possibly think of that meant beautiful. but none of these were enough to describe you in full. there simply was not a word in any language that fully described the angel you were.
but he could never tell you that. no, he was your best friend. best friends don’t think about each other like this. best friends don’t have supposed-to-be-small crushes on each other. best friends don’t fall in love with each other. best friends don’t look at each other like they’re anything but best friends.
then why were you looking at him like that?
“of course i do.” rin said. “i’ve always thought they were pretty.” he paused, the words tumbling from his lips before he could stop them. “i’ve always thought you were pretty.”
oh now he’d done it. you’d kick him out of your room and call him a pervert and then never talk to him again and then marry some idiot like sae and then his whole life would be ruined.
you didn’t do any of those things. you didn’t do any of those things at all. your pretty glossed lips lifted into a gorgeous small smile, glancing away for a moment, before meeting his eyes once more. “good. ‘cause i’ve always thought you were pretty too.”
his world had turned upside down. he didn’t even remember how to breathe. he couldn’t move at all. he could hardly think.
could it be possible? could you reciprocate his feelings?
you gently took the bracelet from his unmoving hands, slipping it over his long slender fingers and sliding it onto his wrist. your shy smile was absolutely heavenly, making the starstruck boy in front of you completely subject to you.
finally, he managed to gain some movement back into his limbs as he picked up the teal bracelet with fingers he willed to stop trembling, and slipped it onto your wrist.
“do you like the bracelet?” you asked, close enough to him to send his heart, body and mind into chaos.
“yeah.”
i like you.
he returned your question. “do you like your bracelet?”
you smiled, the perfect picture of an angel. “i love it.”
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eetherealgoddesss · 1 day ago
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ꨄOur Perfect Alphaꨄ
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Oneshot - Dark Content - Yandere - Omegaverse
❦ They were the only ones who could see through your tough act.❦
Omega Males x Alpha Female Reader
❣︎All sub-genders can be any gender. Male omegas do not have vaginas and cannot get pregnant. Not the best I’ve written but I hope you enjoy it anyway.❣︎
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Not fully proofread
MY NON FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR UNDER EETHEREALGODDESSS AND ON WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!
Notice:
✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.
✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.
✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.
✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.
✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable.
✩Characters are 18+ as always.
✩Everything/everyone are mine
✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.
Enjoy!
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Our Perfect Alpha
You are tired.
Exhausted even…
You have always been someone to take care of everything that came your way. No matter the extremities or the harsh situations you have been forced to live through, you have handled every single thing that has happened in your life. It wasn’t easy growing up as the people pleaser. It wasn’t easy growing up with a heart of gold and yet the mineral rusting as you were faced with the reality that you have been unloved from the start.
It wasn’t easy, growing up in a home where you were born from a family line of traumatized and unhealed individuals who had know idea how to truly love you. All your life you have craved love, attention, recognition. You felt that you loved too hard and seemed to be surrounded by the world of humans who lack empathy. You took on the burden of everyone and their pain.
The betrayals, arguments, and pity sessions had you on your knees at times, spiraling and rocking against the wall as you contemplated ending your life. As an alpha, especially growing up with other alpha females, you were always told to suck it up and be independent. Never rely on anyone else and stop wearing your heart on your sleeve. It’s seen as weak to show vulnerability.
You’ve always been more emotional than those around you and it caused a lot of misunderstandings and miscommunications. You could never feel truly connected with your own sub-gender because your wants and societal needs did not intertwine. Sometimes you wish you could be more feminine. You wished you would've been born an omega instead. You also wished that you liked being an alpha or resonated in the same way other alphas do with themselves.
You were too embarrassed to admit that you truly wanted to be taken care of, spoiled even. You wanted someone to save you, as pathetic as it is. Regardless of how you feel, you never showed it. After you matured you repressed your true feelings and took on the role as an alpha female. As much as you felt disconnected, it still worked better than the femininity gurus you found on social media that were only meant for omega women.
You are deep within your teachings and are used to acting in your masculine energy. It’s easier that way, regardless of the disconnection. It’s too late for you to change. The sub-gender you were born with proves that your calling is to be an alpha, so you had no choice but to accept it. That didn’t mean you didn’t struggle in relationships.
You were too masculine for the alpha males and the omega males had you feeling way to masculine. Betas were too emotionally detached. Nobody ever doted on you. You craved to be a bimbo or even just a feminine woman and experience the otherside. Regardless of who you were with, nobody seemed to care enough. Nobody loved hard enough. Nobody saw you as someone to protect. Not even your family.
You gave up. You didn’t deserve it. Who’d want someone like you anyway? You’re already too damaged. You’ve been through too much. You’re too strong. You’re not even strong enough. Your self-pitying thoughts were interrupted by a shadow casting over you.
You freeze in your seat on the ground with your back against the tree, eyes making contact with lustrous sky blue irises. You immediately know that you are in the presence of an omega by the floral aroma of lavender with a fusion of vanilla that would’ve had another alpha who lacked self control on their knees within a second. The soft features of the porcelain skin blended well with the sharp lining of the jaw. His pink bangs fall messily over his face while the rest of his locks fall gracefully past his shoulders.
He stands in front of you, shoes planted on the grass of the empty park. The red hue on his cheeks seem to complete his physical attributes, fitting him perfectly. His glossy eyes gaze at you with an unreadable expression. Your head turns to the figure standing next to the stranger. The savor of citrus and jasmine reaches your nose less subtly than the other omega’s scent. His skin is slightly tanner and remains as clear as the pink haired man. Half of his blonde hair is pulled back, the rest of the healthy strands falling just above his shoulder. What gets you is the intensity of his dark eyes, almost as if there are no pupils present. He also wears an unreadable expression before his lips form into a smile.
“Hey there.” Your hand tightens around your phone, his voice deeper than expected for an omega, even as a male. Your stomach drops as you look at your surroundings. It can be quite a dangerous circumstance to find yourself in the presence of two clearly mated omegas.
Whether alpha, omega, or beta, those who are mated become much more territorial. Murder is even excused at the cost of your mate. There doesn’t even have to be proof, if they feel like you’re a threat to their relationship you can be legally mauled. Mating is a sacred expression where the bite(s) ties you together as each individuals’ life source. You are bound to each other forever.
“Hey.” You reply, your arms lying between the knees to your chest and your stomach. You watch as they glance at each other before gazing back at you.
“You’re our new alpha.” Your eyebrows raise along with your eyelids. You were definitely not down to have a relationship. It doesn’t matter how beautiful they are nor how good they smell. You barely know them, but little did you know, they definitely know everything about you.
They know you down to your most secretive insecurities. They’ve watched you for quite a while now. You caught their eye far too long ago. Somehow you hadn’t ever noticed them, but they lingered. They were always quiet in the background.
Quiet through the loud arguments between you and your family members. Quiet throughout the arguments between you and the partners who disappeared without a trace, unknown to you. Quiet throughout the moments you were lying in the fetal position on your bed, tears falling while the curtains were slightly open.
They were oh so very fucking quiet and even patient throughout your sexual endeavors. All because when they first laid eyes on you, a couple of years ago when you had saved the roofied the pink haired omega from sluggishly being pulled along by a creepy alpha pervert who you exposed and found a way to use the omega’s phone to take him home to his blonde partner, that was it for you.
You were theirs from the start. Because you had rushed off so fast, they weren’t able to get any information about you. They searched social media, the local area, and even the outskirts of the city. They just couldn’t figure out where you were. Not until one fateful night where they caught you sitting in your car with a blunt in one hand and the phone in the other, seeming to have just finished your yelling session and hanging up the phone before taking a long hit of the flower. They took a picture of your tags from your car and it all started from there.
They found out every single thing about you after two years of studying you. Their fascination had no limits, blood wringing from their hands from everyone they felt they had to kill for putting their dirty fucking hands all over their mate’s body. They craved you.
Oh honey, your wants and needs, it was ridiculous how much they wanted to fulfill your aches and pain. To be the ones to take care of you, nurture you, protect their little alpha. To bite into your neck gland and finalize your tie with them for life. They can see the holographic red ribbon wrapped around your bodies now. They know that you’ve never experienced real and raw passion from your pathetic relationships and they will gladly take the honor of giving you a life you never thought you deserved. You didn’t have a choice anymore. They’re done waiting.
“I’m sorry but I’m not anyone’s alpha.” You eyed them with confusion as the blonde man crouched down beside you and wrapped his fingers around your hand.
“Listen, sweetheart. Name’s Archer.” He brings the back of your hand to his nose before scenting you, causing your body to tense. “I’m not a very patient guy so let’s get this outta the way. You’re our new mate.”
While you were distracted, you failed to notice the pink haired male position himself on his knees and crawl towards you, ignoring your peripheral vision of his figure as you focused on the sentence that just came out of Archer’s mouth.
“Wait a minute, I literally have a say in this. You can’t just force me to be your mate. I don’t even kn-!” You felt warm air tickle your ear when you heard the other omega speak in a sultry tone.
“We’re starving. Be a doll and tilt your head for me.” His hand slivers to your chin before snatching your face in the opposite direction, exposing your neck in the process.
“H-hold on!” The grip on your hand tightens painfully before the sharp teeth enter your gland. Your jaw hangs open in a silent scream as your free hand hangs onto the shoulder of Elias, the mischievous male moving his hand to grip the upper part of your neck as he sucks at your life source.
“No fair, Elias. I wanted her neck first.” Archer whined before crawling to the opposite side and releasing your hand. His hand cups your cheek before pushing your face up to force access to the other side of your neck.
You release a pained groan as your eyes shut tightly, a new pair of sharp fangs entering your neck as both parties suck on your energy. You peek at the holographic red ribbon surrounding all of you as it circled and tied against your bodies before disappearing, the bond binding you for life against your will. At some point both men release your neck only to continue feeding from your body as they kiss up your bruised skin, blood meeting their lips as they gain energy from you. Your body weakens against the tree as your eyes almost roll into the back of your head.
“Goddamnit, Alpha. You’re so delicious.” Archer says before his tongue glides up your bloody neck. “M’ gonna take good care of you.” He breathes out desperately between kisses.
Elias pulls back to make eye contact with you, sneering before using his hand to grip your thigh harshly, your body tensing with pain as you cringed. You could feel the disgust and rage radiating from his energy as his piercing eyes bore into you.
“I’m gonna make you regret making us wait so long. You let multiple men touch you. Fucking disgraceful.” He scolds you. Your eyes widen as you try to remove his hand, all the while pushing the blonde man back as well.
“Wh-what the hell are you talking about?” You had no clue what was even happening. You don’t even know who these omeg-… wait.
“Wait, do… do I know you?” You ask them while Archer rubs his arm against his mouth and Elias crosses his arms. Your eyebrows furrow when both men seem to pout and look away.
“Of course you don’t remember us.” Elias hissed.
“Your memory is shit. This is why we have to take care of you.” Archer rolled his eyes. “How have you survived this long without us? You’re hopeless, really.”
“Hold the fuck up! What the hell do you mean by that? Wh-!”
“I’m tired of all this talking. It’s getting late and we should really get you to bed, Alpha.” Elias said as he picked himself up from the ground. Archer follows and looks down at your sitting figure.
Your hands meet the bites on your neck that ache to touch. You eye them, still in disbelief of your current situation. You didn’t really know how to feel. Violated? Confused? There were a lot of emotions running through you at once and you couldn’t really pinpoint one specific feeling.
“She’s not getting up.” Elias states to his omega partner.
“Huh.” Archer responds before placing his hands on his hips. A smile grows on his face, to your dismay.
“Well, if you won’t come willingly, we’ll just take you.”
Before you can respond, a harsh impact causes darkness to engulf your vision.
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httpuckdrop · 1 day ago
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ashes – day 5
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it really was a coincidence that you already had his number saved in your phone when he texted you.
jack: hey
one of your best friends, jenny, had another friend who came along with you all that night. she was a loud woman with blonde curls called anna and she was, you had now learned, engaged to a hockey player in the local nhl team. you'd never cared much for sports in general, and especially not hockey. anna was quick to catch up on that fact the morning after you met jack, when you were supposed to go out for brunch with jenny and anna happened to tag along.
the boy you were chatting to last night, jack, she had started, sipping her orange juice before continuing. you did get his name, right? he's a good friend of my fiancé, a great player too.
you had thought and hoped that she would be able to read from your uninterested expression that you wished for the conversation to end as soon as it started. however, she had not been the quickest to pick up on your hints.
i've never seen jack look at someone like that before, you should totally hit him up! he's single, you know.
you'd sure hope so, considering the things you were up to in his apartment.
you had told anna that you didn't want anything to do with him, but she had insisted; at least save his number, you never know!
jenny had agreed, going off for a moment about your (empty) love life and how you haven't really looked happy since you broke up with that boyfriend over a year ago. the whole conversation had made you nauseous, and you had eventually agreed to add his number to your contacts just to shut them up.
since then, you'd forgotten about it, until the moment he texted you. you spent about fifteen minutes trying to figure out some kind of response – what even do you say to "hey"?
you: how did you get my number? lol
you felt a little guilty right after sending it, the tone maybe a little harsh; you usually greeted people back when they texted you. but maybe it was for the best. you didn't want him to get any false hopes.
your phone pinged again just a minute later.
jack: from anna! she said you two talked abt me, that i should hit you up
jack: well, i WANTED to hit you up also. :)
it kind of scared you how quick your heart was to flutter in your chest. this was not supposed to happen. before you could even answer, yet another message appeared in the chat.
jack: you free for dinner tonight?
a man not afraid of a triple text should've excited you. instead you shook your head and typed a quick response.
you: dinner?...
jack: i want to take you out for dinner, is that okay?
you shouldn't even have considered it. you never before even considered meeting a one-night-stand again, especially not for dinner. maybe it was because the other part was never interested in it, maybe it was because you thought it was against all and any code of conduct. either way, it was just easier like that.
so why did your fingers suddenly live a life of their own? why was there a message from you saying yes to his request when you looked back down at your phone again?
he surprised you that night. you knew from the first time you met that he was a good listener – though, you had assumed it was just because he was trying to woo you enough to go home with him – but he was a great talker, too. not in the sense that he talked a lot, but in the sense that whenever he did talk, you found yourself realizing he was more complicated than you initially thought. he wasn't just trying to win you over; he was trying to let you see him, piece by piece, each one carefully chosen.
you didn't know what the procedures or rules were when it came to this kind of meeting. was it a date? was it just a pre-hookup meal? was it something more? nonetheless, you weren't surprised that the dinner ended with you following him home to his apartment.
he wasn't just good at listening and talking, but at making you feel good, too. you knew you were already walking on the fine line between a regular hookup and something else – not that you were sure what the other thing would be. friends with benefits (could you even be friends with benefits if you weren't friends to start with?), fuck buddies (is there even such a thing these days?), or something completely different?
curled up into his side with a duvet lazily thrown across your stomach, you distracted yourself from your many thoughts by drawing shapes into his chest. little stars, quirky stick figures, ugly cats. "something on your mind?" he asked, a chuckle rumbling beneath his chest at the sight of you cuddling closer to him.
"this... hockey thing," you started, gazing up at him for the first time in a long while. "you're pretty good, aren't you?"
there was a shrug of his shoulder, though his expression stayed plain. "i guess so."
"you have your own wikipedia page. and you were some kind of first pick, whatever that means." this, however, forced his lips into a grin. "that's not just pretty good. that's amazing."
"i guess so."
he yelped at the feeling of your hand slapping his chest, a groan slipping past his lips. "why didn't you tell me? when we first met?"
"you didn't seem like you cared," he said honestly, and you pushed yourself up a little on the bed to look at him better. "so i didn't think it was necessary. besides, it's a job like any other."
"i told you all about my studies, and you just said that you work with hockey!" you exclaimed, fingers forming quotation marks in the air. "that's hardly fair, and it's not a common job!"
"i was wearing a team cap! i assumed that if you knew, you'd say something!"
you merely shook your head, pausing for a few moments to just stare at him. "i'll forgive you for now," you say, puckering your lips. "for the low price of five kisses."
"taken."
the thing that surprised you the most was how much you enjoyed spending time with him, how easy it felt. he was handsome and had a sweet smile and he was a great lover, sure, but you still hadn't expected to have this good of a time with him. it was almost enough to make you spend the night.
almost.
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undercoveravenger · 6 hours ago
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Calm
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Pairing: Johnny “Soap” MacTavish x Male!Reader
Requested: No
Summary: Former barracks bunny Soap coming to terms with having feelings for you.
Warnings: Suggestive, but no actual smut
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Johnny MacTavish has always had too much energy for his own good. He’s always had a leg bouncing or fingers tapping or something to tear apart and put back together during briefings, always been running his mouth during transits, always bouncing from person to person because he’s just too much for one person to handle.
He’s had a handful of partners through the years that get close, but no one that’s been able to hold up against his stamina. It’s probably why he’d become something of a barracks bunny in the last few years, shacking up with anyone who catches his fancy for half a second in an effort to curb his libido but he just can't get the same enjoyment out of it that he used to. The enthusiasm of the rookies eager to get a taste of him or the punishing way someone from upper command bends him over just don't do it for him anymore. 
None of them bring that same satisfying ache that you do. 
It’s the sweet way you hold him during makes him feel like he's not just a problem. Not some chore to be tolerated and dealt with and then pushed to the back of your mind to be forgotten about. It makes him feel like he's whole for a little while, at least until he forces himself out of your bed to start gathering his clothes, stumbling his way back into his underwear and cargos on numb legs and wishing he'd hear you tell him to stay but knowing that he can't let himself.
He can’t turn around. Can’t bring himself to check if you’re watching him - hoping he’ll come back to bed. Or worse, what if you’d just rolled over and closed your eyes? Ready to wash your hands of him and let him leave the way he always does?
He pauses then, shirt in hands and pants unbuckled around his hips. You’re the one person who has ever treated him like this. The only one who never bustled him out as soon as the sex ended or pushed him to stay when he didn’t feel like it. The only one who actually wore him out enough that he didn’t feel like he needed to seek someone else out for another round before bed. You’d always been careful to check in with him. Always willing to at least hear him out if he asked to try something without pushing him if he said no to one of your own requests. Always asking if he needed anything from you after.
“Why?” The question escapes him unbidden and it takes him a moment to realize it even came from him. “Why,” he says again, eyes fixed on the way his knuckles go white from gripping his shirt so tightly, “don’t you ever ask me to stay?”
It’s clearly not something you’d expected him to say, not from how long the silence stretches between you. 
“I didn’t think you wanted me to.” You’re looking at him, Soap notices when he turns to face you, whether you were or not before, you are now. Lying sprawled on your side, with one hand propping your head up, and your eyes are fixed on his and he’s not used to the intensity - not used to someone looking at him like that instead of with wandering eyes even when he is trying to be serious. “Everyone’s always talking about how you don’t stay. That you just want a bit of fun and then you go.” You shift onto your back and your breath escapes you in a huff and Johnny can feel his chest squeeze fondly at the sound. “Doubted you’d want me pushing your boundaries.”
He’s not sure what to say about that. That you hadn’t asked because you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. He’d known you were a pretty stand up guy - there was a reason you were the one sent in to deal with victims or newly recovered prisoners, something safe about you that even a stranger could see. 
“And,” he says slowly, forcing himself to continue despite the pit in his stomach, “What if I’d asked to?”
The smile that crosses your features brings an unconscious one to Johnny’s own lips, “Then I’d ask which side of the bed you prefer,” you said, simple and matter of fact. Like him staying wasn’t even something you’d have to think twice to be alright with. 
Johnny nodded slowly, butterflies racing in his stomach as he thought about his options. How he could leave and go back to his usual habits and pretend this never happened, or how he could see how this went with you. He steels himself, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than he ever has on an op as he drops his shirt and kicks his cargos back off, moving to settle beside you on the bed. “Left side’s fine,” he says, grinning as he tugged the sheets back up over the both of you and tucked himself tight against your chest. 
If it gets him more nights like this with you, Johnny thinks he could certainly get used to the calm.
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insanechayne · 3 months ago
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~ ~ ~
#my dad is starting shit with me again and just continuing fights and bringing up shit that has nothing to do with anything#and even when I try to calm the situation he just gets worse and keeps berating me#I want to get out of the house but my partner hasn’t talked to me all day or even checked our message chat#so I don’t want to bother them or just show up without them saying it’s ok#not that they’d have much problem with it probably but if they don’t acknowledge it I don’t want to startle them or something#and idk what if they are mad at me and that’s why they haven’t talked to me today? or if they’re having a bad day too?#they’re not gonna want to deal with my bullshit if they’re not having a good day either#so that’s another problem to contend with#and I’m also really tired and fatigued already because of some recent health issues and just packing my go bag is wearing me out a bit#I don’t really want to pack up the whole car and drive an hour to their house after midnight when I’m already not doing great#so I know I should just stay in my room and get some distance or do my own thing until I fall asleep#but God I just don’t want to be here anymore#tbh I do kinda wanna be dead and I wish I could do something about that#idk if I’m fully suicidal or anything but it’s like… I want to make my dad see how much he needs me and I want to get a fucking break#I want someone to take care of me and worry about me for once instead of giving up everything to him#I wish I killed my self at 16 like I wanted to so I wouldn’t have ever had to deal with any of this bullshit#I sort of wish I could kill myself now just to be done with all of this#but suicide takes too much planning and hassle these days so what’s the point anyway#I guess I’m just depressed and lonely and all that#I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning#but right now I just really wish I had someone to talk to and cry on and tell me it’ll all get better soon#personal
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windor-truffle · 6 months ago
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*chants in increasing volume* ghost AU ghost AU GHOST AU GHOST AU
#dolphin noises#wips#I love me a good ghost AU 😭💜🎉😁#Timeline-wise I'm thinking maybe Cedric succeeding in his coup and Asbel arriving at the catacombs too late#Asbel passing right by ghost!Richard like a reversal of that iconic richass shot in the opening~#initially only Sophie can see his spirit due to her own enhanced capabilities#and Asbel can see him when they're all 3 holding hands a la Friendship Pact 💙💜💛#but ghost AUs are pretty much inherently tragic since someone's already dead#and if you play this one right you don't even need Lambda. One malevolent spirit is plenty 🙃#Asbel feels guilty for being unable to protect Richard in time but gets a chance to redeem himself this way#by helping Richard with his unfinished business that keeps him from moving on#Initially it's to ensure that his kingdom is not left in Cedric's hands (and maybe get a little revenge)#but Richard's own resentment twists him into wanting to take back EVERYTHING he's lost including things he simply can't get back#Richard's nature turns vampiric as he needs more and more eleth to sustain his continued half existence eventually targeting the valkines#And Asbel who had been so ready to give anything to help Richard realizes his beloved friend is crossing a line. people are getting hurt.#Thus the theme of the story shifts from 'protecting the will to live' to 'learning when to let go'#Poor Asbel having to learn this lesson first. That the best thing he can do for Richard is stop indulging his tainted wishes#and instead grieve together w him over what could have been then move on. It wasnt fair it wasnt kind but neither is what Richard's doing#it's basically the canon story except instead of saving richard and bringing him back it's saving richard and letting him go#it's angsty and bittersweet AF which is how you can tell it's PEAK dolphin AU 😅 themes of grief and loss and loneliness#helping someone who's lost themselves to obsessive love#'cause that's where Richard's anger comes from. the loss hurts so much because he cared so much. he wanted to fix the world then LIVE in it#dammit this is a half-baked idea and im already weeping 😭
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foxcassius · 1 year ago
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"do you want to take a picture?" no "did you get any pictures?" no "aren't you sad you didn't get any pictures?" NO!!!! i am the not picture taker. i have to remind myself to take occasional selfies with my boyfriend so we can prove to the korean government we've been dating sufficiently long to get married.
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medicinemane · 3 months ago
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Well, I seem to have gotten my minecart system working. No lost carts this time
Just... slowed the whole system way way way down, after a lot of research the best answer seems to be that too many carts too quick overwhelms the hopper, and taking a closer look as I was dismantling things showed me that the observer was managing to send two pulses
So I added my go to comparator decay clock and then with a little work put a falling edge monostable circuit (ie a piston with an observer on it that triggers nothing when pushed but something when pulled back), so basically it's extended when the signal is decaying and only goes off once the signal dies... double pulse from the observer just extends the timer
Still reasonably depressed. I've said it before, I'm just brittle at this point. It's not like some stupid cart system in minecraft is making me want to die... I'm just fucking tired of living, so guess what? This just adds to the list of reasons to fuck off
Nothing I do matters. This doesn't matter in the slightest. I build it more compulsively than with any purpose
I want to finish that mountain base (which is still probably a few years off at least at this pace), and I just kinda want to finish it cause I want to finish it... but can you honestly say that once it's all said and done, that I won't just pass it to my friend who I play with, and then in like 20 years when I'm dead it won't fall victim to digital decay without anyone even having seen it?
Like be honest for a minute, it's not gonna stop me working on it, but be honest and ask yourself... will anyone besides one other person even see it?
I don't need a million fans or something, I'd just like some of the shit I do to matter or last a bit... and nothing does
Tell me a single thing I've done that actually has some kind of meaningful impact... or anything that I'll ever do
#mm minecraft#this tag isn't really meant for me to be morose in; but truthfully minecraft reflects back a lot of my real world issues#mm tag so i can find things later#redstone reflecting back how painful it is for me to wing it and teach myself something I don't know#the trouble building reflecting back how hard it is to gather my thoughts enough to act instead of getting decision paralysis#so it's not really the place for it; but I'll just add that one of the things that eats at me is that no one will ever love me#everyone likes me; I'm polite and people mistake that for kindness; it's rare for people not to like me#but no one's ever going to love me... frankly no one's going to have me around unless I'm making myself useful#the second I stop being useful people stop talking until the next time they need something#...it's not intentional... I think people are just busy and get caught up in their own lives#but I could give probably 50 examples easy off the top of my head#if I'm not actively maintaining a conversation; then it dies (not like I don't let conversations drop myself... not like I always respond)#I'm not really mad... just alone#maybe I manage to teach out of my basement; give other people what I wish I had now#I'll be lost in a crowd; surrounded by people who like me (and how useful I am) and then alone at night forever till I die#so why wait?#I'd ask 'does that makes sense?' but lets be honest; there's no one here in the tags with me#most of what I say just goes into the void and... honestly... I don't think the void stares back... I think it's just me; empty; alone#...don't take this as me being perfect and put upon by my inferior friends and acquaintances#I like people; they care; they do their best and are just... kinda bad at it; but they care#and I constantly fall short; most of this must be my own making; and I certainly often lack the words to support people#but... is there a scrap of... of reason in what I'm saying? can people care but never be there unless they need something?#or unless I'm keeping the conversation going?#I liaise and get someone into a friend group for support... it's not like I get an invitation to join too#and certainly it's true I didn't ask and no one's mind readers; I told you it's my own creation... and would I even have things in common?#but it's the... never really asking; you know?#I listen to very interesting things from my friend all day; but when I say something... it just gets ignored#I'm suicidal on a trip that... I still kinda don't know why I was asked to come visit...#but I'm suicidal there; and the support I get is asking me to pray... I'm miserable and worthless; so you'll convert me?#(save me; I know; give me the spiritual tonic; I get it... it was meant in earnest to help... but do you get my perspective?)
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jackass-jones · 7 months ago
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You ever just try to laugh about something that’s happened to you with someone and then realize huh wait actually that’s not funny at all and is kinda super fucked actually 😰
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 8 months ago
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is it depression or is my appetite gone cause I'm preemptively preparing for when Val gives up on any progress & his relationship for real n starts givin me shit about my weight again
#i mean idk if it's gonna happen but#it might#why do i care what he thinks? ain't that the question#n i mean i know it's not even abt my appearance rly cause he gave me shit about it in my source body too n that one's full heroin chic#it's just abt the control#he likes me weak & he likes it when i starve myself for him#thank fuck our sleep meds make me hungry as hell cause otherwise i wouldn't be eatin at all#just need to make sure i have easy food available so we get some actual nutrition too instead of just junk#even the junk's better than nothing though!#it's not a body image issue for me atm but i'm kinda worried it might turn into one#like pllllssss we already had one ana stint we rly don't need another go at that it fucking sucked#n as a bonus doesn't even make us lose any weight cause our metabolism's fucked lmao#so it'd literally just be me eroding our insides for nothing. except like a brief feelin of satisfaction i guess#i can get that in less dangerous ways too tyvm#so i rly rly hope val's up to speed w/ the way it'd get legitimately dangerous for the body him included. n also make him feel like shit#if he wants that type of control there's other shit he could have me do. nothing i'd like but at least w/ less or no physical harm included#kinda wish my life wasn't like 80% harm management at this point but. it is what it is.#at some point it's gonna change. someone else is gonna take over.#all i havta do is keep shit running w/ as little long term damaga as possible til then#can my sedatives fucking do smth my heart's still fucking pounding for no reason uggghhhh#spdrvent#disordered eating cw
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threadboundgold · 10 months ago
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sometimes I think I should go to the psych ward but then I realize that I have no one who could feed my cat for me while I’m in there
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iceunhie · 5 months ago
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— PUSH AND PULL : honkai star rail.
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premise. as someone who's always believed in the term “try and try again,” (peak delusion, you know) rooting yourself in their heart has always been your goal, no matter the cold rejections and curt declines you receive. however, even you have your limits; perhaps this little push and pull you two have going isn't worth your time after all... but what happens then, if the chaser becomes the chased? (oh, how the turns have tabled.)
...or, when you play hard to get with them.
— ft. sunday, aventurine, jing yuan.
warnings: angst n fluff, messy messy, these boys are in love but are wayyy too chicken to admit they actually adore you, genderless reader.
a/n. inspired by @/xiaowhore's playing hard to get headcanons! my holy trinity 😇 n MY FAVES RAHHH
NEXT : BACK TO MASTERLIST || ASKBOX
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SUNDAY is perplexed. very much aware of his qualities which enlists him as one of the finer (finest) bachelors of Penacony (he was the Robin's one and only blood, and was also the head of one of the main guiding forces of the Family, after all), sunday isn't sure he's ever come across someone as.... tenacious as you.
foolish, to be more precise, for he cannot for the life of him comprehend exactly why you are the way you are with... him.
no matter his respectful declines of your invitations to promenade around Penacony (re: going on dates), you really didn't know how to leave him be. though he hasn't exactly said he hated it, sunday was, admittedly, rather... affronted. your gifts, in particular, were your loud declarations of your affection (that make his wings flutter more rapidly than he'd like); but sunday was rather inconvenienced at the whole thing.
nonetheless, he does still accept them. reluctantly, mind you. not because he was fond of your constant shower of affections, which seemed so permanent that he began to look forward to them got used to it. to your credit, your gifts were very much to his tastes. (Robin once gave him a rather soul-searching look when he found himself wearing the gloves you gifted, light blue and white in color. he still uses it, just not when his sister is in the vicinity.)
in fact, perhaps he may have gotten too comfortable. little by little, your constant intrusions on his time have thawed a way to his heart; making sunday look forward to your jovial greetings and grandeur elaborations on your day, and such a thing makes him feel scared sunday needed to nip this in the bud, and fast.
so he confronts you, abruptly one day as you give him his newest gift—a jewelry box for his earrings. (surely, the rapid thumping of his heart was due to his irritation at your constant persistence, right?) “i'm afraid this can no longer continue. i am flattered by your... fancy for me, but i do not wish to enter a relationship in the near future.”
the utter silence that follows is torture to him—but he endures. he tries not to look at the momentary flash of hurt on your face. you seemed to quickly recover, though. giving him a simple smile (it didn't reach your eyes. it shocks him how his chest ached at the realization) and shaking your head when he returns the gift to you.
“i understand, mr. sunday.” the formal usage of his name instead of your chipper ‘sunday!’ makes his face twitch. “but please, keep the gift. think of this as my last declaration. it... would do me a great comfort, just this last time, if you accepted it instead.”
(if he had grabbed your hand at that moment as you left for the door, would he regret it?)
when you leave, sunday thought it would put the conflicting feelings in his mind at ease—but it doesn't. a week and two days counting, true to your word, sunday receives no flagrant gifts, nor little messages on his phone that tell him to take care of himself, to eat, and to make sure to remember to check up on Robin.
instead, contrary to the feeling of ease, regret follows him instead.
it's at two weeks and five days counting when sunday could no longer stand the sight of papers that stacked atop his desk and the image of you leaving for the door replaying in his head far too many times for him to count, that he contacts Robin.
and she, once hearing about the situation, gives him a very, very enlightening talk. (of course, not without giving her brother a lecture of the lifetime. part of him felt shame to know that his sister knew of his... turbulent love life, but she was the only one who he could trust, anyway).
“absence makes the heart grow fonder,” she says. “but in your case, brother, your heart has already decided it's course, right?”
sunday eyes the smooth velvet of the jewelry box you gifted, ruminating. his earrings lie there, carefully pristine and beautiful, gold and silver intertwined. he has worn them without fail, clean and spotless. (of course it was. such a design so intricate was only chosen by you. the thought makes his ears warm).
the next days are agonizing. vigor renewed and epiphanies well-spent, sunday spends the rest of his time after finishing his duties researching and painstakingly finding the best jeweller he can find (even employing the suggestions of a certain gambler, much to his dislike), and spending a god awful amount of time revisiting and rechecking which spots you like, which places you enjoy, to the point it comes up in Penacony's headlines that sunday is interested in someone.
surely, it should've reached your ears by now, yes? sunday panics. your preferences are well-accounted for, and he's sure the Bloodhound family members that report to him have to tell you that the person he had in mind was you. even Robin, who was your closest friend, has probably told you already.
it's embarrassing to admit, but; to hell with it, the day he meets you after three weeks and sees you having a pleasant chat with aventurine, of all people, sunday thinks his heart had shattered into little pieces and stabbed themselves into his body. not so much as sparing him a glance, moreso.
so when, finally at his wits end, sunday chooses to corner you at the dewlight pavilion and spills out how he has royally screwed up in the worst way possible, no one is surprised. at this rate, you would be swept up in the charms of that wretched gambler, and what sunday lacked in, aventurine more than made up for.
“wait, don't go to that gambler just yet.” he's breathless, he's chaotic—and something in his heart squeezes when you finally look at him. “i... i wish to take up your time now, if that's possible.” (he wishes he would take up your time forever, really, but that was still too early).
you eye his getup. all of your gifts, lined on the man you spent so long chasing after—you see the gloves you gifted, the tie with not so much as a single crease, and the earrings that shine more brightly in the light of the pavilion. (it suits him. like you) it was as if sunday had completely surrendered himself to you, had all but decided to proclaim that he was yours, and this was nothing short of a plea for you to hear him.
“please.” he says. almost begs. “i can't bear not seeing you anymore. allow me to correct such a damning mistake.”
and if you were skeptical, the way sunday looks at you would dispel any doubt you could ever have. (his wings, they were fluttering.)
(months later, after a nerve-ending confession, many days of dinners, shared gifts involving matching jewelry and promenading to your wishes, it dawns on sunday he was absolutely dancing to your tune. did he regret it, though?
....no, most certainly not.)
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if AVENTURINE were to be honest with himself, he saw you as a useful “friend” rather than a romantic interest. was it bad of him? of a sort. but risk cutting himself open and letting someone he might grow to care for know about all the ugliness that follows his life? no, he's fine as it is, thanks.
the first thing he notices is that you're kind—though he distrusted most of his colleagues and preferred none to get close to him, aventurine, in some morbid moment of curiosity, instead allowed himself to bask in your attention. instead of curtly disparaging you, he flirts back at your compliments (the way your face heated up in return was far too endearing that he can't help but want to kiss you he finds it amusing) and consistently texts you a “did you get home safe” or a “i bought you this because it reminded me of you”; at this point, it was like you two were dating.
was it leading you on? yes, but he supposes it was a win-win; he could send you those tiny bits of validation that was enough for you to stay respectfully at a distance while he probed at your intentions. unlike others who attempt to garner his favor, you're genuine, and you seriously take the time to know him. because you always text back with hearts, always reassure him, tell him to stay safe and wish him luck at every gamble, every high stakes bet he finds himself in. you even complimented his perfume once (and, if he had to be honest, he could not stop thinking about it all day—because that perfume he commissioned exclusively was based off of your own favorite scents and it was extremely embarrassing that he loved hugging you knowing that you loved the way he smelled and that it felt extremely domestic).
(sometimes, he doesn't reply. for months on end. suddenly the golden-haired man you love goes cold and you know then that aventurine ghosts you and then returns when he's in need of a friend—never a lover. it hurts you, but at the very least, you know he cares in his own way.)
and, if aventurine had to be honest, it was killing him from the inside bit by bit. as if to drive the knife deeper, you never danced around what exactly was going on with you two. you never ask why he ghosts you, then sends you a bundle of gifts all of a sudden and then rapidly spends time with you and repeating the cycle. no, you were consistently by his side, so warm and so caring—so unlike him—that aventurine wonders if it's really all right to open his heart to you.
if, by some chance, he actually wanted to be with you, would you treat him even more sweetly than before? aventurine thinks you would—you were beautiful in your entirety, and he was practically undeserving of you. he imagines himself kissing your hand and having you in his arms—and that feels like ice cold water being dumped onto his head, because you could do so much better and yet, why him?
so when aventurine hears about how a certain doctor was visiting you for some unknown reason, his already fragile sense of security in this little will-they, won't they crumbles.
and when he finds out that you were staying over with ratio? something twisted lodges itself in the little brushes of his heart, coiling and coiling—making him feel green. aventurine is aware you and the doctor are good friends, and ratio was the one who even told you to make a move on him! how could he just—suddenly interrupt?!
(was it dramatic? extremely. but knowing his friend and the person he secretly adores might end up together? you can't really blame him.)
he supposes this can be attributed to him. it was an egregious mistake, a blunder aventurine made—he never gave you a clear sight of whether he truly loved you or not and now you're slipping away from him.
so, he does something very unexpected.
at 3:00 AM in the wee early morning hours, aventurine practically barges into one Dr. veritas ratio's home, demanding what the hell was going on between you. and as if he had expected it, his doctor friend merely gives him a shrug in return.
“perhaps they were simply getting fed up by a certain IPC member—who is clearly head over heels in love with them—giving them mixed signals.” ratio's tone is stern, and aventurine definitely knows that the look he gives him is the one he gives only to fools.
you idiot, the doctor seems to say. yeah, yeah, he is; aventurine ignores the clear pinprick at his dignity.
yes, he supposes he is the fool here. “ah.”
“yes, ‘ah,’ indeed. now, let me propose a question.” the purple-haired man says. “will you react in such a way when i tell you that in order for my friend to stop their anguish, i managed to get them to fraternize with one of my colleagues?”
“...what?”
“they will be having a meet-up seven system hours from now.” ratio shrugs. eyes aventurine, who's looking at him like a gaping, stupid fish. “i can only hope that no one would dare to disrupt.”
...it doesn't take him long to be rid of the gambler by then.
(a few hours later, you stop by the Intelligentsia Guild to see one veritas ratio with a smug smile, eyeing the fur coat draped around your shoulders, and the flushed and happy expression written on your face.
“did it work?” he asks.
you laugh, “splendidly.”
indeed, that gambler was a fool, and there's nothing more than dr. ratio loved than to educate such fools to shape.
“that will teach him.”)
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as a quote unquote ‘old man’ who knows that he's well up in his years for a relationship, JING YUAN finds you to be quite amusing.
it doesn't take a detailed analysis to know that you were smitten with him, really. you're a complete open book by his standards—if your heated face and slightly airy voice whenever you were even placed in the same vicinity with the Dozing General was anything to come by. while flattering, he also shares the similar mindset of being too old for any love his way—and he could be mara-struck at any given time, and jing yuan does not wish such a life filled with anguish and pain for the one who may steal his heart. but, worry not, brave suitor of the Arbiter General! unlike the other two above, this man has the experience of millenia, and is open-minded and aware that you truly wish to be perceived as a potential lover.
in fact, jing yuan's recent favorite habit is sneaking off the Seat of Divine Foresight purely to freak you out, watching you scramble up your words, seeing the heat crawl up your nape and bloom all across your face. adorable. you certainly knew how to appeal, that's for sure.
(“heh, it seems i've found a new place to stay in so that the Diviner Fu won't grill me alive when she sees me.”
and when he's rewarded with a bashful and speechless look in return, a smile and your, “i'm glad, general.” it surprisingly lightens up his mood by more than he expected.
that, in turn, gives him a frightening 30% energy boost; fu xuan was utterly shocked to see the languid man actually working and looking like he enjoyed it, for once.
“did something good happen today, jing yuan? why so enthusiastic?”
“i just felt like working more than usual, diviner Fu. i seem to have my energy levels at a high.”)
now, jing yuan is considerate and perceptive first and foremost, so there's a high chance that out of all the men here, he is the most open to giving you the chance to pursue him. he does inform you beforehand that he has no plans of accepting your confessions in the future, and that is where the ‘hard to get’ part comes in.
it's like playing a confusing romance visual novel with a fickle love interest—you never really know what you're doing, whether it's something jing yuan would like or not, and you don't know if he even thinks your attempts are moving his heart. (tldr: he friend zones you).
he maintains the same distance no matter his banters with you, no matter how many times you tell him that you'd help yanqing out with sword lessons. it's like he was just... treating you as he would a friend, and that you were basically stuck in the friend-zone forever.
(he keeps it to himself, but something warm stirs in his chest when he sees yanqing sleeping on your shoulder after training practice, with your arm protectively around the boy's side.
your sleeping face didn't make it easy to look away either; it's one of the few moments in which jing yuan shows just the slightest bit of reciprocating your pursuits; he brushes back the stray hairs covering your face, and drapes a blanket over the two of you.
of course, perhaps to tease yanqing, he also takes the calligraphy brush and makes a work out of his face, doodling all over it.
when you wake up, there's a lingering scent of ink and yellowed paper that fills your senses. when you turn to the boy beside you, you almost giggle out loud.)
it's a little disheartening—and while jing yuan did acknowledge that you were slowly, slowly burrowing yourself in his heart, he doesn't act on it fast enough, and instead lets the realization sit in his mind for a while.
it gets to the point where it feels as though he were preparing to distance himself, and even yanqing had asked if he was well. your visits with the Arbiter General also decrease, as he suddenly buried himself in his work even more than before.
he doesn't get to see you all that much afterwards, despite the lingering feeling of missing you filling his heart.
....that's until jing yuan hears word of a recent mara-struck incident involving the Sky-faring Commission; with your name listed among those heavily injured.
when he visits Bailu's clinic after yanqing urges him, jing yuan takes in the sight of you, littered in injuries from head to toe. your life, about to snap. he never even told you that you won; you did manage to steal his heart and for the first time in a long time, jing yuan allows himself to love.
so if, after three weeks later when you're finally healed up and ready to go, jing yuan brings you into his arms and drags you to let him sleep in your lap, you can't really blame him now, can you?
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a/n: i love yearner hsr men,,, might do a pt 2 though. thinking of mayb ratio, jiaoqiu and f/heng next time...... sighs dreamily
@ ICEUNHIE: do not repost translate or plagiarize my works.
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salemwasnteverhere · 5 months ago
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How the Hashira men react to your neighbor asking you to be quiet
Characters: Tengen, Sanemi, Rengoku, Obanai, Gyomei, Giyuu,
Additional shit: Swearing, Sanemi fighting said neighbor, Rengoku being blunt, mentions of sex, ooc mot likely :p
Tengen
He couldn't care less
His whole thing is being flashy and loud so he wants you to be loud
Like it's not his fault that dick is magical
After he shoos your neighbor away he makes sure to be as loud as possible that night
He's pounding into your cunt and you swear your gonna break when he whispers "okay now scream exactly how big my dick is. Don't forget the tip color-"
He gets cut off by you hitting him with the pillow
Way to ruin the mood
But that doesn't stop him and instead he goes harder, making sure the bed creaks loud ASF for your neighbor
"Not my fault he doesn't know how to please a woman." Is his main reason for doing so
He really wants you to scream his name so it's imbedded in your neighbors head
"Morning N/N!" Him to your neighbor from the balcony while your trying to get out of bed and failing
"Actually die." Both you and your neighbor to Tengen
Sanemi
Cares alot
Why the fuck is that limp dick biscuit talking to you and him? Who does he think he is?
You were the one who broke the news to him thankfully cause if Sanemi was the one who opened the door then you'd have to see your husband through glass in a prison
Just kidding. The Slayer corp would get him out of trouble if he didn't do it himself.
Anyways
Sanemi made it his goal to piss your neighbor off as much as possible
Your under him, practically creaming on his cock, and he's slamming the wall yelling "This loud enough yet?! Huh!?"
Not kidding I can see him doing that
He quite literally had you against a window where your neighbors could see him destroying you just to make them mad or uncomfortable, hopefully both.
But then he'd get pissed someone else would see you all naked and fucked out so he settled for the wall next to the window
One day your neighbor, finally having enough, bangs on your door yelling and guess who opens it...Sanemi!!
Good Lord was he waiting for this
It took one punch and the guy was out
Kinda what happens when you put a normal dude against a guy who kills demons for a living
Rengoku
He's a good neutral between caring and not caring
Like he doesn't wanna make your neighbors mad but he also loves hearing your screams
So he tries to keep you quiet during sex but fails since he gets to into it to give a fuck
The next days his loud ass voice wakes you up
"IM SORRY FOR MAKING INCREDIBLE LOVE TO MY WIFE!" He's not being sarcastic thats his genuine apology
Your facepalming and you want to die when you see your neighbor and she can't look at you
"PERHAPS SHES MAD BECAUSE HER HUSBAND CANNOT PLEASE HER!" Rengoku says casually and you know she can hear you from outside in her garden
"Inside voices!" You place your hands over his mouth to try and shut him up.
It works for a bit before he's yelling again
You love your husband but holy shit you wish he would speak normally sometimes
He's actually quiet in bed though
So your the problem (real)
Obanai
I'm not an Obanai fan so forgive me for how bad his section will be
Obanai is a quiet mf, and you're not even that loud
It's your neighbor who was the problem
A little old man whose hearing aids apparently had the power of 67 suns
You and Obanai found this out when he was outside training and your neighbor came over
He was so sweet and polite and even chuckled at Obanai's redness
Obanai cared at first but got over it
You? You make sure to not make a PEEP in bed
Okay that pisses Obanai off but he understands your reasons
At least make a gasp or sum cause he's over here like "Wait does this feel good? Can she feel it? Did I forget where the clit is?"
Brother is STRESSING
Then you cum and he's like "ah"
Then he's like "Did you take it?"
You have to keep yourself from murdering him cause how tf would you fake squirting
Gyomei
Babe I'm not gonna lie, you're a screamer
Gyomei is built like a house and your telling me your just gonna whine and whimper?
NO
Your over here crying and screaming into his chest, neck, the pillow, anything.
And Gyomei loves it!
He can't see your reactions so hearing and feeling them let's him know he's doing good
Gyomei isn't loud but he's not quiet
He'll grunt and moan and praise you, but he's not gonna cry out.
Well he'll cry but you can never tell from what
When the pussy so good you start crying 😭🙏
When your neighbor politely asked you to be a tad bit quieter Gyomei actually laughed
Not in a 'nah we'll keep being loud' way but more of a 'sorry we'll be quiet' way. He also found it hilarious how you actually died of embarrassment.
Don't worry he thinks its endearing
Yet it was kinda hard for him since he enjoyed hearing you
But your touches and now quieter moans made that better
And then there's also you literally drawing blood from his back you were scratching so hard
Giyuu
Holy shit you have never seen him so embarrassed
Like you could shade match his Haori to him and get the exact same color
He was the one your neighbor told and he stopped working when 'loud' and 'moaning' left their lips
If a demon doesn't kill him then his own actions will
Giyuu isn't loud, and he loves that he can make you feel so good that your loud for him.
But he didn't want your neighbor back over at your house so he tried to keep you quiet
You were super confused when he held his hand over your mouth in bed and he just pointed to your neighbors house. Then you got it.
So you nod and try to keep quiet.
You know in school when the teacher tells you and a friend to shut up but they look at you funny and you break?
Yeah that was you
You were riding Giyuu one night and you were loud so he was like "holy shit I love you but please- I can't look our neighbor in the eyes anymore."
And you couldn't help but laugh
Like howling
You calmed down obviously but sex was very giggle filled after that
You've never seen Giyuu so panicked
But give him a week and he'll stop caring
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thinkinonsense · 3 months ago
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call me if you're lonely⟡
old man!logan howlett x phone sex hotline worker!reader
cw: dirty talk, mutual masturbation
author's note: very short. just an idea that came to mind.
masterlist
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this is so desperate, logan thought to himself as he dialed the number written on the fourth page in the second column. in pretty cursive words it read, call me if you're lonely!
your number had been living in the back of his head for almost a month now but he never got this close to calling it. in the column, it's written that you are a college student working on your masters degree and that you are very popular within your profession as a phone sex hotline worker. honestly, logan didn't care if you just started yesterday. he's been so stressed and overworked lately that he needs a release soon. logan waited as the phone rang after entering his card information. he's sat up on the old mattress under him, waiting patiently to see if anyone answers.
on the third ring, someone picks up.
"thanks for calling, hush hotline." you say, giving him the typical welcome speech before jumping straight in. "what would ya' like me to call you tonight, sugar?"
the sweet tone in your voice made logan's boxers feel tighter. resting his hand on top of his heavy cock, squeezing lightly and slowly stroking himself over the thin material.
"james is fine, honey." logan mutters.
"i like the way you call me, honey." you purr, getting relaxed in bed.
you had a long day; woke up late, missed class, messed up during important meeting at work and needed to blow off some steam. normally, the people you talk to over the phone don't have an effect on you, instead opting to fake it and offer phony pornstar like moans but something made you want to give it another shot.
"is that so?"
the stranger's voice was rough around the edges. deep, cold, straight to the point. it sent a shiver up your spine. usually, your customers were weak. willing to give into your every word and fully submit to you.
"mhm," you hum, lightly running your fingers up and down your thigh. "so, what's gotcha call in tonight, james? rough day at work or you just wanna hear me touch myself for you?"
"bit of both." he was already lost in this little world between the two of you.
“aw, can’t wait to make you feel good." you tell him, playing with the lace of your underwear. "wanna hear what i'm wearing right now?"
"mhm." he grunts.
"a white t-shirt and lacy blue underwear. wish you were here to take them off of me." you sigh, slipping your hand under the waistband.
"what would you do if i was there right now?"
"hmm, think i'd start by kissing you, making sure you get nice and hard for me then i would beg you to fuck my tight throat for hours. are you hard for me right now?"
"y-yes." logan sighs, trying to slow down a bit.
"that's sweet, james. got me blushing just thinkin' about it." you run your middle finger through your folds, gathering the slick and circling your button a couple times.
"just blushing?" he teases, catching you off guard.
"not 'just blushing'." you giggle softly. "you also got me r-really–ah, fuck! really soaked."
logan could hear the obscene squeak of you dipping your fingers inside of yourself. his chest moves up and down at the same rhythm as his strokes. your pretty little gasps made it difficult for him not to release right away.
"s-shit, honey." he groans, listening to the small wet slaps of you fucking yourself. "wanna taste that pussy of yours. i'm sure it's as sweet as that fuckin' mouth you got on you, honey."
never have you actually gotten wet from the men that call you. most of them let you do all the talking, only offering moans and whimpers. you couldn't quite place a finger on it but something about james was doing it for you.
"w-wish it was you inside of me instead of my fingers." you whine, tickling the spot that makes your vision blur.
"bet you would look so pretty wrapped around my cock, honey."
"i would look even prettier with you dripping out of me." faintly, you can hear him shuffling around, trying to stifle his groans. "don't hide yourself, baby. wanna hear you."
like a rubber band, something snapped inside of logan. unable to control his noises anymore, he's fucking his fist faster than before, chasing after every little moan you let out.
you move to rubbing your button switching occasionally, picturing the man that you believe james to be. a little older and rugged. maybe even someone your father would be friends with. someone you would definitely have a secret crush on.
logan's hips thrusted with need. the louder you got, the faster his orgasm was approaching. he had to hold off, he thought to himself. hear you cum first. by the broken whines and little hiccups you let out, he could tell you were only moments away from your release.
"f-fuck, i'm so close." you squeal, legs shaking a little as you near your high.
"me too, honey."
within seconds, your head is thrown back against the silky pillow case. the sheets under you were drenched but you were too full of bliss to care. logan finally allowed himself to let go as well, pearly white spurts coating his lower stomach and even some landing on his tank top. it's quiet for a minute or so before your little giggles can be heard on the other end of the line.
"something funny?" he asks, confused.
"no, no, it's just..." you giggle again with a sigh. "ever since i started this job, no one's ever made me orgasm. at least not like that."
"hm.." logan couldn't fight off the smile creeping on his face. "might need to call more often then."
"i'll be looking forward to it."
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