#I wish I had more time to be here tbh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

evxdent · 1 year ago

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Happy birthday to me woo

#ooc #I wish I had more time to be here tbh

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isjasz · 10 months ago

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[🌸🪄⛰️]

This time with everyone :D

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tetzoro · 8 months ago

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i don’t think i’ve talked about it much on this blog because tbh it’s a really difficult thing for me to talk about in general but a year ago today, i lost my baby kitty zelda and i miss her so very much ᰔ

#tw grief #tw pet loss #tw vent #i dont mean to be sad on dash but >_< sometimes ya just gotta let it out a bit yknow?#she was the best kitty i couldve ever asked for <3 #i always joked she was my lil familiar lmfao just two magical girlies coexisting #i met her during a very hard time in my life and all the years we had together were everything to me #i miss her companionship #i miss her lil meows #i miss watching her bask in the suns rays #she’s my lil guardian angel and she has been since the beginning #we have a lil soulbond and that doesn’t just poof away but i really wish i could hold her again #grief and i became very well acquainted in the last year between losing her and one of my close friends #there’s sm more i could say but tbh i feel a bit silly even typing this all out #if you read this i really appreciate you for being here #this lil blog has truly been a sanctuary for me to escape the horrors and i’m feeling thankful for this space <3 #i might go back and delete all these tags in a bit bc DHDJHDSJ #but yeah . i love and appreciate u all sm #back to being silly <3 #₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims

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aroaessidhe · 3 months ago

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2024 reads / storygraph

Babel-17

sci-fi set in a future in an intergalactic war facing unknown beings only known as ‘invaders’

when a new code from the enemy is discovered, a poet/linguist/cryptographer is asked to try crack it - but quickly realises it’s a language

she assembles a crew to travel to the war yards to study the language, and discovers that learning it changes the way people think and interact with others

explores linguistic relativity

queer and polyamorous characters

#babel-17 #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #hi mar i finally read this #I thought it was really interesting!! some poetic and experimental writing (as you’d expect with the subject matter)#really interesting worldbuilding elements with some unique cultures; all sorts of body modification #and casual queerness and polyamory. fascinating main character.#a fun spaceship crew of interesting and unique characters though I didn’t feel like I had enough time to get to know most of them tbh.#I feel like I was just really getting into things when I got to the end! I wish there was more!!#Though I do appreciate how succinct the main plot was. it has a specific point and goal.#I love the concept of languages changing the way you think and interact with the world taken to extreme levels in a sci-fi context.#(like obviously irl the theory has its issues; and i think there were some inaccurate examples in here; but yknow)#there’s definitely a few things that didn’t age great but overall. very interesting definitely glad i read it!!

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pollen · 2 months ago

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:|

#seriously the like. not having money and not having a therapist and not having a job and feeling terrible unpredictably #and not having friends or family here and not having any reason to leave the house. and being so reliant on weed to function bc it's #the only medication i have access to for my pain and depression/anxiety that works #has made my tolerance SO high (i had 300mg earlier and it's barely anything. i'm still in bed in pain)#is getting so so so expensive. it makes me so scared. when i go without it it's essentially the same as being unmedicated #i wish health care moved any bit faster. and i wish i had a psychiatrist bc my pcp doesn't wanna prescribe more than zoloft #and it's helpful at keeping me from crying all the time but it doesn't give me any other benefit really so i just feel :x always #i feel like time is pressing down on me like a bug being stepped on and i don't have anywhere to run #and i feel frustrated because im being held in place by pain/illness/fatigue/etc that i'm struggling so hard to get help for #but no one can see any of the things that are holding me here. so they get mad at me and frustrated that i'm struggling so much #idk what to do. i feel like i'm going to alienate everyone i depend on because i can't contribute and can't get answers for them #ahhhhh i wish i had chronically ill friends lol i'm just so lonely all the time i feel less than human TBH

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kaidanalenkosprmanager · 7 months ago

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THE BEST OF ATTICAN TRAVERSE: KROGAN TEAM

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Urdnot Grunt With: Urdnot Wrex, Dr. Mordin Solus, Primarch Adrien Victus and The Rachni Queen I don't need luck- I have ammo. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard #james vega #EDI #urdnot grunt #urdnot wrex #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #i finally finished gif’ing traverse and this set is cursed is all i will say :)#i don’t know why this one was such a pain in the ass but compressing them was a massive chore for some reason #and my dumb ass realized as i was assembling i set the frame hold wrong for like 4 of them so i had to go back and redo a few of them 🙃#the thing that pissed me off most is that there’s usually a nice planet shot with a normandy fly in to make a header from #and traverse just doesn’t fucking get one for some reason?? so ig we get rachni queen header #i’m so sorry but this is like my least favorite mission in the game 😭#like i do like grunt but this mission is just meh on all fronts to me at least #like the decision from ME1 to spare or destroy the rachni queen is so fucking cool?? and it has 0 consequences in ME3 LMAO #not to mention that half of this mission is just standing around with a flame thrower burning down webs lol #the only cool thing i’ll say is i ADORE the Aliens™️/xenomorph vibes that the mission has!! that is so cool the first time around #the cutscenes are alright but there’s really only some towards the front end and the back end? so you miss so much of the middle #which makes it hard to connect what’s going on to make a best of: set lol #grunt has some nice scenes if you have him here and the rachni queen quotes are cool #the enemies are also kind of interesting in concept? i just wish the rachni decision from ME1 had more weight here #james and EDI have a few nice lines towards the front in the shuttle but there’s not a ton of great dialogue like grissom has tbh #idk this mission is just okay to me i guess? like the ardat-yakshi sanctuary with samara is much more interesting to me #i feel like this one needed longer to cook and the rachni deserved more weight in the mission based on your decision in ME1 #james and EDI looked cute like always!! and soph ate it up in cleric’s guardian armors for shepard (which continues to be gorgeous ❤️‍🔥✨)#idk seeing grunt and playing fashion dress up was the best part of this mission besides the wrex cameo at the end lmao

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loveryoushouldvecomeover-mp3 · 4 months ago

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yk what it was never that serious oh my god

#im good i think !!! my mood swings are !!! all over the place but actually yk everything pasess and time passes and hurt passes and there's #so so much more than this there's more than all of this and it was good before it will be good life doesn't just stop its fucking shit and #hell rn and it sucks that things could've been better and it sucks how unfair this all is but actually #crying over someone who wasnt talking to me for months is not actually that worth and god i am genuinely terrified that ill never love agai #and i really think i won't i think he was my person but tbh that was fucked like that was actually fucked up a lot of that was just hurting #and ik we both hurt each other a lot and ill never blame him and it will SUCK to see him again next year but ill be okay and everything e #will be okay i just need to meet and go out with more ppl and rmmbr that theres more to life than this shitty house and my shitty parents #and ill always love him and i cried over him so so much already but it is true that we had to have started moving on from it all at some #point i just truly believed wed like weather this together and im so disappointed at being left alone like this and i did rlly wish hed #stay but yk it can only really get better from here and whatever i loved him so so much but it's okay itll be okay #i need to live long enough to move out get a haircut a banging sexy ass bass and a cat so yk cant go anywhere until that happens

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theoldworldsrunnerup · 11 months ago

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Mello manga panel redraw for his birthday

Original (from chapter 69):

#tbh i kind of forgot about the couch he was sitting on but by the time i realised i simply did not have the energy to add it in #and also it’s not even the main focus of the drawing so who cares #FINALLY starting to get okay at drawing hands #overall i do not hate this. although i wish i could’ve drawn something more original for his birthday #death note #death note fanart #mello #death note mello #mello death note #mihael keehl #manga redraw #death note manga #chara’s art #i also didn’t include snyder but again mello was the main focus here #and so i resorted to drawing a whole entire arm instead (which i had to use my own arm as a reference for lmao)

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rosicheeks · 5 months ago

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🙃

#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately #just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same #haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh #pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now #monday was my last day #and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday #I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy #figured it was the med change or something #so I was feeling pretty optimistic #I’m in between programs now #and today was not the best #not as bad as some of my days #but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday #I just wish I could feel that every single day #I’m working on it but still #waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management #and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting #which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move #but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought #idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about #but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me #I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around #(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here #in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed #they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars #I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie

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bonnieisaway · 7 months ago

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What are your thoughts on the Prince of Stan?

Hi immortal ily sorry this took me ages to respond I have chronic I forgor syndrome

Honestly. Okay I really hope that season five does for him what season four did for Redtooth. Because I was honestly pretty impartial (if not made fun of) both of these characters up until season four kind of dug deeper into them, and I really wanna see /how deep/ it'll go with him. And I'd also like it if they gave him an actuAL GODDAMNED NAME

I do enjoy him I just... I need more to work with like. We've barely been given crumbs and I feel like it'll be a while before his story has a big payoff because despite the lack of focus on him he's such an important player in the game. And he's just.Like he's interesting. And it seems to have been implied so far his beliefs in Stan have been shaken and I wanna see what he does about that.

Stan feels like a very. Propaganda-y filled place to me. Which, it is based on America so duh, but the things we've seen so far, the dialouge we hear from other characters, they're not only so absorbed in this belief that they're superior and the most powerful and such but the Prince himself fundamentally doesn't understand most things about anyone who's not Stanian. To the point he doesn't understand why Cola and Seven are so happy and such cheerful people; yet also he's rattled when the child from Superpower country confronts him about the perpetual fear they live in because of Stan. He's very... prideful, I think is the word? And I really love how this has sort of been shaken throughout the series so far; and while I wish I already knew how this would pay off, I'm very glad it's taking so much for it to. Because of course it's going to take /a lot/ to shake his beliefs, because he was born and raised Stanian and his entire life he's only known that they're "the greatest." That everybody else is below him in some sort of way. So far it's been masterfully written at a good pace I just can't wait to see more.

His relationship with Seven is interesting too. I mean aside from the fact they've tried to kill each other before, its interesting how they always end up on the same side, despite the fact Seven is essentially public enemy #1 of Stan. Like this man killed his father. But to absolutely risk his life fighting White Fox at Cola's whim for Seven is just. Like there's so much to unpack here. And I wanna understand deeper like, why Cola has had such an effect on him. Why Cola specifically. Surely it's related to her mother and her power, but I just like. Wanna be able to unpack it in full. He's a very interesting man and I just really really can't wait till his developments so far pay off

#im lowkey floundering #i like i just wish i had More. to go off of here. and that we were further into his development #time will tell i suppose #i probably need to rewatch the series again tbh. and pay more closely attention to him #scissor seven #killer seven #prince of stan #scissor 7 #i hope this is alright i know its not much lol

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bunnihearted · 7 months ago

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☁️🌷

#ugh im so anxious and like i think i have more pains bc of it #i overslept bc ever since i got a new phone my alarm is so quiet i never wake up?? this is the third time this happens for this class #but i cant miss more bc if i have more than three weeks absence they'll fail me :< so i hurried and walked to school #i wish i had a bus pass T-T since they introduced civilian clothed controllants i havent dared taking the bus at all i dont wanna get a fine #so yes anyway. on top of that im pretty sure my sister stole my keys. bc they were in my jacket pocket yesterday and today they werent there #and she left somewhere earlier this morning. so now im anxious abt not knowing where they are + will i get inside?? my mom wakes up late af #ummm what else???? idk im just so stressed. i got to class and have been here for 40min now and the teacher left for lunch #i'll leave now bc i cant focus enough to sit here more. my tooth aches too :((#i just wanna cry tbh #the entire way here i was like i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die #i feel so awful.. and stupd and worthless. why am i incapable of getting a job? or even studying at university? im so bad at everything #im like an anxious wreck who can barely function. everything hurts both physically and emotionally #i dont even wanna walk home im just sitting in my empty classroom bc i dont wanna kove #move*#what's wrong with me? how did i turn into this? i miss school. like i miss being able to actually do my work and talk to the teachers etc #im only a shell of what i used to be. and im scared i'll never be anything other than this :((((#well i gotta move ig bc the sooner i do the sooner i can get home and lie in my bed & cry over how useless i am :3

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bucephaly · 1 year ago

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BTW if you haven't already please take a minute to look up what venomous snakes are local to you and familiarize yourself with them

#i joined a local snake ID group recently #before that i knew roughly how to spot a pit viper and hownto tell a coral from a scarlet snake #but i didnt really know how to identify specific species other than copperheads #and now im very confident in my ability to tell water snakes from cottonmouths etc #and it gives really nice peace of mind #like. ive seen so many people here in the us south that will freak out of Any snake #my mom once was yelling and crying trying to get help over a kingsnake on the sidewalk cuz she didnt know if it could kill the dogs #and people will kill snakes if they dont know [and often will anyway but knowing helps foster appreciation]#and now i can see a snake and say thats a coachwhip. isnt it pretty. and will gently grab the back end to look at it for just a second more #before letting it go hide #idk. i saw a rattlesnake in the woods today #and its the first time seeing one in the wild like that. and yea it was scary tbh #and i got a pic but booked it out once it noticed me and reacted #but i wish i had stopped and watched it longer cuz it was super pretty #and i know it wouldnt have bothered me at all #im just glad that we've seen two big full sized diamondbacks here in the past few months. and i know theyre two individuals #because eastern diamondbacks are declining and its good to know theres a population here #idk. im getting sentimental over snakes i just love them #but my main point is its so easy to indentify snakes at least where im at #and learning to id them comes with learning to respect them

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bunnyboy-juice · 1 month ago

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;~; (tags vent)

#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it #im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping #and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today #and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only #there's no One Thing #but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect #and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like #i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to #make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part #between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more #and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place #nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik #im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here #but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my #control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound #im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away #and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself #but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin #other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly #i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do #cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections #im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans #“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all #relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed #i want ot be a PERSON #): i jsut miss my friends #and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends

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moe-broey · 5 months ago

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Heard it was Terrible Comics Day 🤔

A spin on a post that has been living in my head and in my drafts for A Long Time Now, since like. It's just so funny w them in particular. They're the same guy (kind of.)

Inspo under cut!

#moe tag #mani tag #i had it in my head to draw this post for so fucking long. maybe this is how it was meant to be.#idk if there's a maintag for this specific ass holiday and tbh. i'm not gonna.#if mani breaches containment i'm gonna cry. put that thing back where it came from OR SO HELP ME #i usually dress down moe for dreamrealm headspace shenanigans but it has its weapon here.#so like. impulsively i gave it its robe. but maybe that's just part of the dream too.#i feel like moe's dressed down look emphasizes/highlights how they are the same person though #still. if the mission is for it to be 'bad' then i am making impulsive decisions and little to no corrections LMFAO 👍👍👍#i WAS thinking about mani today.... i wish i had more time to draw today 😔😔😔#my art #my comics

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hershey-not-the-chocolate-maybe · 10 months ago

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i have two moods :😔 crippling depression and anxiety making it hard to stay alive 😔

and ✨️pop icon in the bathroom✨️

#honestly i think im funny when i want to be with the people i want it to be #and honestly not many people get to see that side cuz it just takes away from this mysterious and quiet persona i have #but once i let u in baby the jokes never stopping #well they stop when im having an existential crisis but lets not count thay #actually i make jokes even when i feel like dying lmao #so um yeah #i wish i had friends whom i could make jokes with #but the problem is people dont understand my humor cuz they dont about the topic im talking about #but like here on tumblr say if i make jokes about some character people do get it #my fandoms dont match with otherss irl #actually most of my irl friends are not into any actual fandoms 💀#given i dont have many irl #people whom i actually talk to ? not more than 2-3 id say #i do have more friends but like i dont TALK talk with them iykwim #and tbh i dont really need too many friends im fine with what i have cuz thats amazing #more people u let in = higher chance of becoming toxic + more heartbreak + more energy drainage + start losing urself to please others +#more back bitching + bejng asked to give more explanation when u have ur kms times and u disappear for a while #and when u dont explain they get mad or u get tired and just cut them off #lmao im rambling all my problems in just one post oops

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blizzardfluffykpop · 7 months ago

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You sent me an ask so I shall return the favor! What is the most recent Kpop group you’ve gotten into and how did you find out about them? I always love hearing fan “origin stories” lol

Thank you for returning the favor~ That would be The Boyz 🥰💖 I love hearing fan "origin stories" too hehe (This is gonna get long I love them sm)

Anyways I've known about them since debut? I loved Bloom Bloom Pow with my whole heart when it came out and tried to fall for them then- It didn't work. The next time was when The Stealer (TS) came out~ I had watched them perform for Road to Kingdom- because ptg was on the show too- But I really loved TS cb- sm so that I bought the album about 6 mos later with my favorite members as inclusions at the time (Eric, Kevin and Hyunjae). But nothing came about of it even after watching the weekly idol episodes... Then came Whisper era and I ended up biasing Changmin (Q) and loving that song but again nothing came out of it.

(A little backstory is that Changkyun (I.M) got me into Dominic Fike's music-) Thus, when tiktok showed me Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo dancing to Babydoll earlier this year as a dance cover: I fell. And then I finally checked out Watch It~ But Hui had his solo and it distracted me completely from falling further. Then I had gotten sick and decided 'well, what if I watch their content?' And I did... I watched their hello82 interview and their reaction to fanart of them, and lastly their mafia dance. And I loved each sm that I decided to check out more.

It was the first time I had watched their content and wanted to see more. And now, I watch their content almost daily. It's kind of like they revived the joy of kpop for me? My (old) ult of ults has been on hiatus due to the military so it's been stagnant content lately for me. But then they came in like a breath of fresh air- and I simply can't get enough. This month will be 3 mos and I honestly hope I'll follow them for a long time. (I think they're my new ult of ults tbh)

And lastly now here I am as a Younghoon and Juyeon bias (with bias wrecker: Changmin... he's doing everything to be bias again). And with them having a comeback I loved with my whole heart this past month, I think it really solidified them with me. Honestly, I'm so happy with them.

#my 'fan origin story' hehe #lovely mutuals #asks #kate rambles from here #i even started a new kpop journal just dedicated to them and my thoughts- it's a 200 page journal and i have nearly 50 pages about them #and i started it in february ebhbha-#it's so funny because i saw one of my ults' concerts in theater the month before they should have became the ult of ults and here tbz comes #if the theory is true that you fall in love with certain people/groups/things at certain time then that means even when #i wanted to fall in love with them- that i had to wait until now to fall for them even if i wanted to fast forward it- i think now is a #perfect time- it's when i need them most i think- and fuck i could go on about them forever and why they mean sm to me in such little #time but oh how i love these guys-#no seriously everything i wish they could do- i find out they've done or will do- or for like pcs i like them a certain way and by golly #does yh do my favorite poses- and their music is just ?!?! i love it sm- ofc i've listened to them before a lot but ?? it's my speed rn #kate rambles #did i drag my close friend into them too? yes- yes I did- but she had full free will- she could have stayed on the happy mbb boat instead #of jumping into the water and swimming to lip gloss island with me- but alas she didn't so it's even more fun cause i get to be a new #deobi with her- and it's literally the best experiance i could have ever asked for- she prolly won't see these (i'm banking on it) and #honestly i'm so thankful for her- for joining me in this 'insanity' we've gotten ourselves into- i'm glad we were both stolen from our mbb #home together- it's sm fun to talk about tbz with her- because she's experiencing them new just like i am- i could go on here too #but i won't- so i'll stop here- i love these boyz sm tbh (every time i say it even if it's a lot- it doesn't feel enough)

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