#and i know it wouldnt have bothered me at all
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SNAP! ── ripped apart.
♯ PAIRINGS - john price x falsely accused reader x 141
♯ SYNOPSIS - tortured for information by your family and the person you loved, john price. you were harmed for something you hadn't even done, you were framed as the traitor and soon they would find out.
♯ TAGS - fluff, angst - panic attack, trauma, flinching.
─ previous chapter // masterlist // next chapter ─
There's a sudden knock on the door to your room, your body dry and freshly washed, the minty smell from the soap bar fills your nostrils whilst you slump on the hospital bed. Curled in a way that was uncomfortable but it wasn't hurting any wounds so that would have to do.
The knock is followed by the door opening wide, revealing a man who you recognise, a man named Logan. The cheery fellow bounces into the room, suddenly the dingy lights seem brighter. "how's my favourite girl?" the man smiles while trotting inside, then closing the door behind him. "The nurse told me t' not bother ya sooo here I am!" he announces, smirking when you peer up at him. Your permanent frown slightly moves upwards when you see the goofy yet devious grin on his face.
Without a reply he sits down on the wooden chair placed by your bed, "you're looking better! my wounds are barely healing!" you wonder what had happened to him for a moment but then you remember that one of the first times he snook into your room, he rambled on for almost an hour. Telling you that he had been shot whilst on a mission, twice in the stomach. Luckily he survived. He smiles as he stretches out his hand, groaning, "I'm glad you're okay," he says, his voice filled with emotion.
A sigh falls from his lips when you sit up, "saw some big beefy guy leave your room before," john, he's obviously talking about john. "Looked real pissed off." Logan mumbles under his breath when he looks to the side. Fucking twat, he was pissed off? He doesn't deserve to be pissed off. "Ya know him?" He looks towards you for an answer. But you two both knew you weren't going to verbally say anything. You nodded hesitantly.
"Ya friends?" the man questions, this time it wasn't so hesitant. "No." You firmly said. Logan thought this was the first time you had spoken to him, it clearly must've been a trigger or something, "he is NOT my friend." Reaffirming your statement, pure rage boils through you at even thinking about being his friend. He lost that fucking privilege. "huh."
There's a silence that lingers in the air. The wet droplets from your freshly washed hair drips down, sending shivers down through your body. "Well, at least you have people visiting. My family is too busy t' visit. Or they just divnt wanna." he mutters the last part, "id kill for anyone t' visit."
"You know you get a lot of people lining outa your door? I can barely get through mine cause these bulky men will always be there." What? You questioned internally. "Ya friends with them?" you probably knew who he was talking about, it was probably the other knobheads that harmed you. None of them had really spoken to you since you arrived, john would sit down on the chair that Logan was currently sitting on sometimes, you two wouldnt talk though. Youd rather kill yourself than utter a single word to him.
"none of them are my friends, " gruffly talking again. Your throat kinda hurt so the sounds came out raspier than you had wanted them to. "hmm! Anywho! You wanna play some cards with me? I knowww.... Snap?" Then he puts on a dumb little smile.
After rolling your eyes at him, you nod. Magically he pulls out a card deck. Placing them on the blanket covering you. Once splitting the deck into two and passes you a half. Logan puts a card down gently on the blanket, not wanting to put it down too hard and hurt you. He didn't quite know what had happened to you but by the looks of it it was bad. You had nurses in all the time, your body was wrapped in bandages and by the looks of it, you only had 8 fingers.
"6 of clubs!" he announces. You place down a random card, 4 of hearts.
After a few rounds, you had won. For him having a deck of cards and wanting to play snap, he wasn't that good at it. A small smirk rises on your face, looking down at your massive stack whilst he had no cards left. "Well, well done." He grumbles with a mocking pout.
Once nodding you give him half your cards and he whacks them across the bed. Scattering the cards around, you gasp. Laughing, he observes the stunned look on your face before you shuffle the cards and half them. Dividing them into two halves, again making sure you both have a half each.
The word snap was yelled out from Logan's lips as he finally got ahead of you and slammed his callosed hand downwards onto the 2 of diamonds. When you flinch, he felt the weight of his face drop. "fuck, I'm sorry-" the look on your face could only be described as panicked, scared and fearful.
Suddenly a loud ringing blinds your ears. Your breathing grows. You take sharp and quick breaths when he looks towards you. You don't know why you panicked so much over something so stupid but then again - you do. "oh god I'm sorry!"
Logan's heart sank as he watched you struggle to catch your breath. He quickly slid closer, his voice gentle, "Hey- fuck- it's okay. I'm right here." He hesitated, unsure whether to reach out physically, but instead whispered, "Just breathe with me, nice and slow," trying to guide you back to calmness. But unfortunately that didn't help. You flinch back once more and shuffle under the blanket. The sounds of the room grew louder, the beeping of the machines sound over Logan's - trying to be - comforting voice. Your breath caught up once more. Your breathing is loud and fast. "it's okay-"
He gets cut off when a nurse comes into the room. She quickly rushes to you and all you see is almost a blur when your eyes prick with water. Distant yelling and you see the obscured bodies rush into the room, the nurse beside you and mumbling nonsense as the blob you think is Logan leaves.
#v1x3n's fics ―୨୧⋆ ˚#call of duty#character x reader#reader insert#cod x reader#x reader#mw2#cod mwii#cod#cod mw2#ghost#task force 141#cod 141#141 x reader#poly 141#tf 141#captain john price#john price angst#angst 141#falsely accused reader#falsely accused#captain johnathan price#simon riley cod#taskforce 141#kyle gaz garrick#john price#johnny mactavish#141#tf 141 x reader#poly tf141
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I'm Bene Israel.
I've always felt Jewish above everything else..because the world treats me that way.
I know for a fact my fellow Indians/South Asians don't see me as Indian. So I never bothered. I stuck with the people who accepted me.
After October 7th, I've just been really sad and hopeless.
All my life I knew there was a major antisemitism issue in poc communities (i never faced much racism in the jewish community because the jews i know arent white haha) but. Now I feel completely locked out. Previously, I was able to begin a bridge between poc and Jews (since im both) but now I fear it's too late.
Of course its never too late. Of course we must continue to try to connect with others but. I had to cut off all my gentile friends. They wouldnt listen to me. They dont care about antisemitism no matter how hard I tried to get them to.
I cant believe where we've reached honestly. Having to constantly explain to my fellow poc that framing antisemitism as white on white crime is cruel. That jewishness is complex. I had someone tell me they dont see me as jewish because jews are white and im indian so im "not really a jew". It made me want to scream. Being jewish is all i know. Indians told me im not indian. So my family and i just embraced who we are instead of begging for acceptance.
I feel crushed. I feel like i cant be in the poc community because theres a serious antisemitism problem and they wont shed the idea that jews are white. They try to tokenize me. Im just sad. I want better for us all. I wont give up but it's too hard sometimes.
.
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does anyone else not bother commenting on a fic if said fic already has tons of comments? its like the author already knows how loved their work is, so why bother with my silly comment? is it just me? it makes me sad because i want to comment but i feel like the author wouldnt appreciate my comment as others are so good, even though i as a fellow author would not react that way. (two cakes and all that lol)
--
Many, many, many people have said they do this.
I suppose a large number of existing comments does make me feel less like I need to comment to try to encourage the author. Most of the time, though, I'll comment if I have something specific to say or if I want to make a connection with the author, and that's not dependent on other commenters.
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PROTECTIVE ADAM DRABBLE
haha hi guys... so huge shout out to @quinngefail for trusting me enough to write out a bit for this idea they had! really not my best writing but its okay, i still had fun writing it <3 heavy tw! slight fatshaming and disability shame!! dont be like these guys
adam was never the protective type. he knew lawrence could hold himself up and he knew he could protect himself. he had no reason to be mean to others. of course, there were times where he would tell someone to fuck off. he hated it when people would stare at lawrence. not only was staring rude (funny from a voyeur huh?), but lawrence was his. the older man belonged to adam and he had a ring on his finger to prove it.
the two of them knew their limits with each other but others didn't. which, in adams opinion, it should be common fucking sense. who the fuck would comment on a guy's weight? thats like…asking if a woman is pregnant. well. he actually doesnt know if that translates right but…you get the point, don't you?
like that one time when they were at a restaurant. they were sitting across from each other, lawrence had ordered a nice glass of wine and adam had a dr pepper. really, they needed the rest. hard week for them both. they had been patiently waiting for their food and once it finally was in front of them, these fucking kids were seated across from their table.
both of them paid no mind. it didnt matter. truly, looking back at it, they shouldve left them alone. but in adams defense, they were looking at larry wrong. his larry.
"you really think hes gonna eat all that?" "course he is. look at him!"
adam had heard the whispers, he noticed the stares. he inhaled slowly, trying to keep his cool. he wouldnt ruin their date. not over this. taking a quick peek up at his stunning date, he took note of how unbothered lawrence seemed. maybe it bothered him more than it did the blond. or maybe not. he didnt even know of larry had heard those fuckers talking. he knew the man's hearing was getting just a little worse. he didnt mind. it worked. adam was loud anyway.
he let his hand move over toward lawrence's, locking their fingers together and watching him take a few bites of his meal. it wasnt a ton of food. he didn't get the issue. steak, a salad he had already finished, and a bowl of soup. of course, he also ordered fries that were mostly just something adam could steal off his plate, and they had shared mozzarella sticks and chips for an appetizer. but that wasnt too much. that was a good amount of food. they had no reason to make fun of him but adam had every reason to knock their fucking teeth in.
larry's gaze caught adams, a soft smile pairing with those beautiful blue eyes. he didn't seem bothered. not one bit.
"could you uh..go get me a drink, lar?" he asked, nodding over to the bar near the back of the restaurant. he wanted to have a small word with the very kind people next to him.
"oh, of course." lawrence lifted his hand, pressing a loving kiss to his knuckles. he always treated adam like a princess. would that make lawrence the princess' bride? haha. adam's never seen the princess bride and neither has the author. sorry.
the blonde took his cane in his hand, huffing out a tired breath as he stood up. "easy on your leg.." adam warned, watching him carefully and staying on high guard to make sure he didnt need to step up and assist his lover. he was fine. he could handle himself, adam. calm down. he heard the people across from them snicker. their eyes followed lawrence as he left for the bar and adam couldnt have been more pissed.
adam turned in his seat, eyes wide with the insane urge to set the building ablaze and a smile so sarcastically pissed off that he felt he could be the next big actor. he spread his legs just a little, letting his elbows rest on his knees. he clasped his hands together, staring directly at the table. "hey there!" he greeted, the gears in his head running on just enough cigarette smoke to keep the 'protect lawrence' and his 'destroy everything and everyone in your way' gears in overdrive and the 'think rationally' and 'work this out' gears held at a complete stop.
the table focused their attention onto adam, one of the members cocking an eyebrow and mimicking his positioning. of course, adam wasnt expecting them to take him seriously. how could they? he wasnt anything special. he was just an average looking loser with a boyfriend who owns a fucking bmw.
"hey there back!"
adam hated that fucking smile. little fucking demons is what they were. he lifted his head to check on lawrence. he was still at the bar, chatting with the bartender and waiting ever so patiently for adams drink. he wasnt even sure what he was getting and truly he didnt care. he had bigger problems to handle at the moment. "is there a fuckin' problem here?" he tilted his head.
the person mocking him shrugged. "im not sure what youre talking about."
the shorter had to resist the urge to stand and slam his hands on the table. of course they didnt know. why would they know what they just fucking did? that makes so much sense that adam almost forgot why he was about to break their fucking teeth in! almost.
"yknow, youre not exactly quiet when it comes to shit talking people. though, i suppose you would really like it for someone to do the same to you, yeah?" he motions to the outfit of another member. "like how your shirt has a cute little logo for nirvana on it but i bet you cant name three songs by the damn band, huh?"
before they could defend themselves, adam continued. "or how you," he pointed to another member, "have that beautiful necklace on! oh my it looks so expensive! but yknow i saw the same thing at claires! and, really i would say your outfit makes up for it but green just is not your color. i would maybe go for a dumpster fire red next time! which i dunno, i think a nice bitch blue would go great for all of you!"
one of the members stood up, which caused adams confidence to falter just slightly. he straightened himself up, his brain suddenly racking through old memory files to find the fight tips that scott had given him. just in case.
"who the fuck do you think you are, dude?" they shouted. other tables turned to look at the pair. adam wasnt sure what to do, so he did what he did best. he imagined it was scott. truly, he did this for every fight. it was a lot easier yelling at that fucknut than some stranger.
adam vaguely pointed to the bar, "oh, so its okay for you to insult my fiance but i cant insult you? i mean, cmon, i just told you that you all had trash outfits! you fucks were making fun of his body! not so fuckin' fun when its you is it?"
he wouldve keep going. he shouldve kept going. if it wasnt for lawrence wobbling his way back with a beer bottle in hand, adam probably wouldve gotten physical. larry carefully slid his way back into the booth, setting the drink down. the doctor took note of how riled up adam and the other table seemed to be. now that the member of the group had sat and adam had his drink, they could continue their date.
"i heard you shouting." lawrence whispered in that all too calm voice of his. "you dont have to defend me, adam. people are going to make fun of me, i know it. but i can handle it. im an adult too."
adam scoffed as he took a sip of his beer, "i fuckin hate people, larry."
"i know you do, sweetheart."
the date ended soon after, a quick kiss and a hefty bill that adam was shocked lawrence was able to pay for in full cash concluding their time spent at the restaurant. adam gave the table a very nice fuck you flip off as they left, taking larry's - his larry's - hand in his own and leading them out to that fancy ass bmw.
______
how 2 write ending?
#hey hey hey hey! hey stoopid! ➸ annon writes#game over! ➸ saw writes#keeping our eyes close to whats going on on the screen ➸ angst writes#call me on the line call me anytime ➸ fluff writes#saw#adam faulkner stanheight#lawrence gordon#chainshipping
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BTW if you haven't already please take a minute to look up what venomous snakes are local to you and familiarize yourself with them
#i joined a local snake ID group recently#before that i knew roughly how to spot a pit viper and hownto tell a coral from a scarlet snake#but i didnt really know how to identify specific species other than copperheads#and now im very confident in my ability to tell water snakes from cottonmouths etc#and it gives really nice peace of mind#like. ive seen so many people here in the us south that will freak out of Any snake#my mom once was yelling and crying trying to get help over a kingsnake on the sidewalk cuz she didnt know if it could kill the dogs#and people will kill snakes if they dont know [and often will anyway but knowing helps foster appreciation]#and now i can see a snake and say thats a coachwhip. isnt it pretty. and will gently grab the back end to look at it for just a second more#before letting it go hide#idk. i saw a rattlesnake in the woods today#and its the first time seeing one in the wild like that. and yea it was scary tbh#and i got a pic but booked it out once it noticed me and reacted#but i wish i had stopped and watched it longer cuz it was super pretty#and i know it wouldnt have bothered me at all#im just glad that we've seen two big full sized diamondbacks here in the past few months. and i know theyre two individuals#because eastern diamondbacks are declining and its good to know theres a population here#idk. im getting sentimental over snakes i just love them#but my main point is its so easy to indentify snakes at least where im at#and learning to id them comes with learning to respect them
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itll be alright
#it actually wont#💔#but hes just a baby. and she is his everything#the 3rd ep hurt me.....#but also thinking about how during the earlier times on the ark when he was much much younger#maria would be the only solace he would have#between the scientists treating him like a test and subjecting him to painful experiments just because he cant die#and the scorn of anyone else#the only place he can find warmth and love is in her light#shadow confused and lost not knowing his purpose well yet as hes forced to face all of it. like a scared animal#i know gerald would be decent to him but its never going to be more than firm kindness that wont ever take priority over his responsibility#they gave him his rings but in the early days they probably wouldnt be bothered to dress him and just let him go from the lab as is#hes doing it all for her but hes just small#god#im feeling a lot#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#my art#shadria#not romantic in this case. just his most important person. taisetsuna hito. etc. they need to make a tag for them pls
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I said this in a whole reblog, but just copy-pasting to a separate post because I think it'll give some reading comprehension and reblogs don't show up in the search feature.. again, I'm reiterating what I said in another post.
Go check out @demidokuriya 's post for this; OP's post made me put this all down in like. 20 minutes. Mind went vroom vroom cuz HEY THEY'RE ONTO SOMETHING.
(They also reblogged the post with some hint to some behind the scenes of what led to the ideas if you wanna check that out)
Look below at how, when Mineta told AFO to spare Tokoyami, AFO specifically went "..."
He remembers Jirou and thinks, The braying howls of the weak...
He was going to take Tokoyami's Quirk. He took Hawks'. But after Mineta pleaded with him, AFO just straight-up left and didn't take anyone else's Quirk.
AFO saw Yoichi in Mineta.
These scenes are near-identical to each other.
Mineta and Yoichi (at that time) are both much smaller than the normal person at their age
They're both hurt, yet dragged themselves up from the ground to throw something at AFO, to get his attention and make their voice
Both are considered weak, even if they have a Quirk (Mineta's Pop-Off and Yoichi's undeveloped Factor)
The fact that Yoichi got AFO's attention here by throwing a can at him, while Mineta got his attention by throwing a Pop-Off ball; and it stuck.
Mineta's call for his attention landed and actually stuck to AFO. This is unlike when Yoichi and his can bounced off, and AFO kicked him, not listening to him; AFO listened to Mineta and left Tokoyami alone, technically doing what Mineta wanted—to not hurt this person.
AFO just went on to hurt more people away from Mineta's [Yoichi's] eyes so the small weakling wouldn't see.
Yoichi and Mineta both cried to AFO to not hurt in his ways, when AFO was intent on stealing people's Quirks
AFO even stole Hawks' Quirk during this time.
He had time to steal Hawks' Quirk, and though he could've tossed him to the side, he let Hawks stand in his way.
He had the energy. Right after this event, he flew off and left the scene. But he didn't go for Tokoyami immediately.
And this let Mineta play his part, and remind AFO of Yoichi.
"A putrid, festering Quirk Factor."
That sounds like Yoichi, AFO.
".. such garbage."
Hey hey hey, what did Yoichi throw at him when they were kids?
A discarded can. Garbage.
This chapter (385) where AFO listens to Mineta is literally called [A Youthful Urge].
Mineta told AFO to take his Pop-Off (hurt him) instead. But last time, AFO hurt Yoichi by kicking him; this time, AFO not only listened to Mineta to not hurt Tokoyami, but didn't touch Mineta at all.
Even though this time, Mineta [Yoichi] offered to take that place of suffering.
Yoichi didn't do that back then. AFO just turned on little Yoichi anyway.
Yoichi through his whole existence is literally [the braying howls of the weak]. AFO acknowledges he's weak and idealistic, yet he still loves him.
Side note about this panel, I think it's interesting that in this vision, this was the first time we saw Yoichi's eyes: when he was being defiant, despite being pushed down by someone much stronger than him.
Really characteristic of him, honestly. Yoichi's soft-spoken and frail, but it's always reiterated that Yoichi had a powerful will against his stronger big brother.
Mineta at this moment reminded him too much of Yoichi, because the two scenes are near-identical to each other. Parallels, really.
Reiterating something from OP's post that I reblogged this from;
"The reminder of his brother made him uncomfortable, so he hurried away."
AFO didn't want to hurt Yoichi again.
#i really dont mean to steal the post from op this fandoms reading comprehension just bothers me#cuz i see too many takes being that horikoshi is an IDIOT who DOESNT KNOW WHAT HES DOING and RUINED A GREAT STORY#and this should only be FEEL-GOOD-#ahahahaha NO.#horikoshi is a genius and him labeling the manga as shounen attributes to a worse-level-of-understanding from the audience#reblog#technically#mha#bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#yoichi shigaraki#minoru mineta#afo#all for one#ofa#one for all#spoilers#the reason i started posting bnha stuff was to add some of my own reading comprehension#horikoshi is really smart honestly#poor yoichi AFO saw him in mineta#minetas supposed to be likeable but hes creepy toward girls#but if mineta were tall and nothing else changed i bet some people would like him romantically#reblogs dont show unless its from someone you follow or in the fyp page and i go to the chapters of rewound afo a lot#cuz. cough. hes hot. why#hes an ugly baby and more western or greek(?)-looking as a grown man but between those ages? hes hot and looks like yoichi#im sorry im not trying to hijack anything i swear#im not very smart but i like psychoanalysis and foreshadowing#this was just my reblog adding onto what op said. check the og post for more context#i wouldnt have thought about this on my own. originally thought AFO sparing tokoyami was just for the series fans
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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Seeing allot of trans stuff lately. I don't do this but obviously trans people and all people of LGBTQ+ are welcome here!! If you are a terf or sick mf I will stomp on you till you die you are not welcome here.
Also merlot, frak and soma are trans! Allot of my ocs are of the queer skellies and my goobies alike so hehe :]
#just letting yallknow this is a safe space! obviously i PFNGNn it be funny if a ttans dudes blog eouldnt be but i wouldnt be surprised#with how some people are tbh. but JUST SAYING HERE IS SAFE THATS THE POINT IM MAKING SKSMG#but ye merlot is a genderfluid trans woman and frak is a trans man#soma is fem nb! im not picky about pronouns so yall can have fun but just wanted to point that out ^^#many of my ocs tend to fall down genderfluid trans categories cause that's how i see myself usually!#so no worries if you confuse pronouns or anything you can always ask it wont bother me!#trans#smoki rambles#also lesbians trans and cis alike are all welcome here and gay men trans and cis as well there is nO shame being cis and queer i just wanna#say that too cause i know thats not told allot when i mean everyone is welcome EVERYONE is welcome trans cis nb EVERYONE i love you all#i respect all people and everything cause however you are as a person that makes you happy makes me happy#i respect women i respect men i respect thems i respec everyone big huggems to all!
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...because any moment may be our last. everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.
#looking through my drafts and seeing this post unfinished and knowing in my core I'll probably never actually finish it .#but strangley enough i don't hate the way it looks with only those 2 panels ? beauty in simplicity or something idk#woe unfinished post be upon ye#honestly probably wouldnt even bother posting it were it not for the fact i was hit by a sudden wave of sadness#by being reminded out of the blue that alex really does just . lose nigel that night#enough deep level analysis my brain is all out i think . but just the simple fact that nigel dies that night#and alex has to go on for the rest of his life post-ending carrying that grief and loss with him#i know we talk about how nigel isn't truly 'gone' in the sense that they're one now and jack is supposed to be an amalgamation of the two#a product of their union and 'consummation' that night at the yard#but he's still gone . no matter how much alex might try and follow in nigel's footsteps#no matter how hard alex tries to tread that same path nigel did to feel close to him#he's gone . they will never have that moment beneath the house ever again . and alex has to go on living with that#anyway . normal again . imagine dropping a song rec like i used to. aha . go listen to sick like me by in this moment.#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#nigel colbie x alex forbes#edit : THEY'LL NEVER HAVE THE MOMENT UNDER THE HOUSE AGAIN !!!!!#thinking about the moment where nigel sits across from alex after he shoots john#and the contrast to the scene in the crawlspace . nigel is trying to connect he is trying to get alex to see to understand#but now alex is closed off. something may be irreparable broken between them#do you think it was the moment where nigel starts to despair . to plead . realise that he needs to find a way to make alex truly see#i need to get some sleep
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You're sooo pretty
Can you stop?
I feel jealous now
BRO DON’T FEEL JEALOUS DA FUCK NOOOO BECAUSE I JUST KNOW YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW IT BEAUTY IS INCOMPARABLE IT JUST IS AND YOU ARE
#ILY#AND KNOW I DONT FEEEEL PRETTY AT ALL BC IM ALWAYS COMPARING MYSELF TO PAST VERSIONS OF ME#AND SOMETIMES WE DONT EBER FEEL ENOUGH#EVEN WHEN WE ARE PERFECTLY ENOUGH#BC OUR JOB IS NOT TO LABEL BEAUTY AS THIS OR THAT BUT TO BE AND IF U CAN BE YOU ARE AND IF YOU ARE YOU LIVE AND IF#YOU LIVE YOU LOVE AND IF YOU LOVE YOU ARE SO PRETTY#AND ITS ALMOST 5AM HELO#HELP#BUT WHST#IM SAYING IS DONT FEEL JEALPIS#BECAUSE#ITS A WASTE OF UR ENERGY BC UR ALREASY SO BEAUTIFUL TO THE MAX U CANNOT BE MORE BESUTOFUL WE CANNO#BC IT IS THIS SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED CONCEPT STEMMING THAT ONLY SERVES CAPITALISM AND UNLESS UR FINANCIALLY RICH I WOULDNT BOTHER#BC THEY WANT TO MAKE US POOR AND WE DONT HAVE TO BE#ILY ILY UR GORGEOUS ILY#I DID NO GOOD GRAMAMTICAL ENGLISJ JELP NOT GOOD IM NOT FIXING IT OK GOODNIGJT AND UR PERFECT GOOD DAY ILT
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me praying to get any kind of IT job and now just being so embarrassed that it happened because I DONT FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING? like you'd seriously think i would but i dont know a goddamn thing. a coworker watched me struggle to turn back on a monitor that went into sleep mode today. i couldnt find the fucking button on it. like i want to kill myself over that and i wish i was being funny but im being hilarious. they watch me fumble putting in my password on these 2000 goddamn websites i have to have accounts for for some reason AND they put me on the phone to squeak mousily at angry people who are calling for higher stakes problems than the library (but that part wasnt that bad bc most of them i got to just transfer the call)....i just want to SCREAM. i just want to scream because of the enormity of my incompetence. but its not even that serious. but it is. it is
#im making it sound hard but thats whats funny is it totally isnt. its so easy. its so easy im almost mad. its boring. ITS BORING!#and old guys keep telling me cutting my hair is 'part of growing up' i wanna gag.#and my coworker talks to me about 'guy stuff' that i wish i could have it in me to fucking care about. I HATE CARS!#i mean i do care about custom pcs. but IM STUPID!!!!!!!!!!! SO I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT DESPITE WANTING TO BUILD ONE.#im making it also sound like im having a miserable time but its complicated#and its giving me like a gender crisis but not like im not trans just like i cant stop feeling like a failure at all things gender#FTM as in failgirl to man this guy sucks#if i was more secure in myself at all i wouldnt let shit like that even bother me. but it dooooooooeeeeeeees#i attained no confidence and im starting to think thats impossible at my ripe young old age#is it ok if i have a crisis and blog it. do we still do that here
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I understand that the problem Linda would have in the hypothetical scenario where she catches Phineas and Ferb building some crazy shit is that its very dangerous for two kids to be caught up in something like that and it’s also just kinda an inconvenience like oh great now there’s this big ass roller coaster in the yard how the hell are we gonna clean this mess, I get it. But I just find it hard to believe that she wouldn’t be super impressed like my girl Linda loses her shit over the most mundane things so having her sons be these super geniuses capable of all this crazy shit would be awesome as hell she’d be proud
#the klock keeps ticking#THIS HAS JUST ALWAYS BOTHERED ME LIKE YOU. YOU HAVE SUPER GENIUS KIDS LINDA#i know a big point of the show is like how adults can be too wrapped up in minor shit that they ignore greatness#and just stifle kids creativity and imagination with their compulsive need to stick to the status quo#and in all the ‘what if’ episodes where the boys get busted theres always an intense focus on them being forced to deeply repress themselves#to fit into societys expectations of obedient children and theyre fucking miserable#but damn i just dont think Linda would be like that 😩#like yeah shed be worried about safety but she wouldnt like make the boys repress themselves like that :(((#SURELY WE CAN WORK THIS OUT LINDA
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Seeing what presents my baby sister gets and realising I really drew the short straw by being the firstborn
#Demon Spawn#+Extras#tell me why this three year old got a pet budgie for her birthday? she cant even spell yet#none of my siblings have ever had personal pets i wasnt allowed a hamster when i was 12 and neither was anyone else but the 3 year old??#she got her own heat pool for her birthday as well and a barbie dream house taller than her for Christmas#and what did i get childhood trauma perfectionism a fear of failure and anxiety#my mum always goes over the top with the youngest girl it happened with my middle sister in that 5 year gap before my mum got pregnant again#i didnt even make it 2 before my mum was pregnant so i never really got to reap the rewards of being the youngest#the lil ones get spoiled to hell and they get a mum with a fully developed frontal lobe and chiller parents#being the oldest sucks there are no benefits to it only responsibilities#btw im not mad at my sister or whatever its nice for her that she gets to have these things#but what do you mean i got the shtty childhood parents and i still have to argue to be allowed to bare minimal at 23 when the 3 year old#gets special treatment that the rest of us wouldnt even bother asking for cus we dont have all the things that came before that point#my issue is that the preferential treatment she gets is useless to her. she didnt ask for a barbie dreamhouse and she cant even play with it#because shes too short whe doesnt need her own pool because she cant even swim yet she doesnt need her own tablet she cant read yet#she shouldnt have her own pet when she cant understand what it means to own a living creature#especially when we dont currently have any other pets in the house#my issue is that the spoiling doesnt even make sense for her age she cant enjoy it cus it doesnt make sense yet doesnt mean anything to her#my mum wants to spoil her cus shes her littlest girl but shes had 7 kids before this she knows whats age appropriate and this isnt
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does anyone have any advice on how to feel alive again
#me @ me: no one cares#sorry to keep depression posting i just dont know what to do#its hard to stay positive when everything feels so fucking bad all the time#covid shit is stressing me out. election shit sucks so bad. my health is bad my mental illnesses are mental illnessing#and if one more person at my stupid fucking job makes a fucking comment about my fucking mask im actually going to start killing#im so serious. i really cant do this anymore#why dont people care about other people it makes no sense#why are people so fucking horrible to each other. everything is so fucking horrible#one of my coworkers literally right now has covid and on our zoom call he was like well the vaccine wouldnt have done anything anyways#are you sure about that??? because you sound like you cant fucking breathe#idk i just feel hopeless and bitter and exhausted and like nothing will ever be okay ever again. and im At Work.#how are you supposed to combat this. what are you supposed to do.#no amount of cognitive fucking behavioral therapy is going to fix the fascism or the climate change or the pandemic or the or the or the#like literally why bother. it doesn't matter nothing matters!#i just want to go home#but then when i get home im like fuck. i really want to go home.
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I know it would literally never happen, but whenever the speculation of who the next James Bond will be comes up, I can only think about how I would sell my soul to get a butch lesbian James Bond 😣
#cause people are always arguing against having a female 007 bcs it would change too much#okay so why not just swap her gender and change nothing else 😌#i realized when writing this post tho that my one oc is literally my concept for a lesbian james bond 😭#butch lesbian womanizer who wears suits all the time and smokes/drinks too much and loves money and weapons#i think about this every once in a while and i want it so badly but it will literally never happen#please she would be so masc and cool and sexy#i dont know if i necessary like the idea of making a new chara to be 007#but like....female James Bond but nothing else changes 👀#im trying to fall asleep and i can only envision various scenes from casino royale but w my version of james bond#pls she could be jamie bond!!!#sorry this is completely random and probably nonsensical but it haunts me so often#every time i rewatch casino royale im like man...espionage movies are cool! and then start fantasizing about female james bond#the names bond. jamie bond.#maybe i will draw it sometime#just not sure how id design her bcs as i said my brain cant help but be a bit stuck on my oc that fits pretty well#but seriously. they wouldnt even have to change anything!#like they have all the jokey pun names for women...guess what. even more opportunities#but like gahhhhhh i think about a masc woman in the bond movies ive watched and im like wow i would enjoy this movie substantially more!#like the shower scene in casino royale........#i cant even rly bring myself to watch bond movies older than the daniel craig ones bcs the objectification and misogyny bothers me too much#but imagining a masc woman in their place 👀 i am on board!#imagining her with bond girls 😳😳😳😳😳#sorry again: super random but it is late please forgive me#catie.rambling.txt
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