#I wish I got to **** ** ***** but that’s okay I will soon I love being delusional

[cloneboywonder]

I said “oh swag ?” to a cashier at the mall today 😭

[beausling]

pov: you’re jensen ackles’ controversially young gf (alt!musican!reader) part iii

read part i here, read part ii here

youruser 12m

jensenackles

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jensenackles Fun morning in NYC. Thanks @/goodmorningamerica and @/livekellyandryan for the chat. Sorry for the explicit spoilers 🤭!!!

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theboystv Hope the coffee was iced

gibson_g1rl i think i know what’s going on hereee🤭

pearlzier i think we’re thinkin the same thing🤭🤭

youruser you did so good superstar🌟🤎

jensenackles Thank you, honey. I’ll see you soon☺️🤎

caswh0re @/jensenackles @/youruser music stuff??👀

gibson_g1rl @/caswh0re don’t be delusional

caswh0re @/gibson_g1rl 😭😭😭😭😭

vamps4y/n @/caswh0re @/gibson_g1rl nonono she’s right, they’re probably abt to fuck nasty

pearlzier @/vamps4y/n BYEE☠️

j2texas OMGG why tf is #She here😭

gibson_g1rl girl why don’t you #kys

youruser

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youruser *taps mic* is this thing on? resurrection coming out october 13th🐈‍⬛🧙‍♀️🦇🧛‍♀️

(note: absolutely no graves were defiled, and not a single dead soul was woken, in the making of this project !!! and big shoutout to st. louis cemetery no.1 for existing and being so cool n morbidly beautiful🤞)

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jensenackles So fucking proud of you, sweetheart. I feel incredibly honored to have been apart of this beautiful project, and I really hope that the world loves it just as much as I do.🖤🖤🖤

youruser hey bro wtf !!!!! you’re abt to get a very tearful phone call here in a minute😭😭 thank you so much for everything, i love you🖤🖤🦇

vamps4y/n AWWW JENSEN THATS SO SWEET !!! OKAY NOW SAY “vamp life til i die”

hrtsy/n @/vamps4y/n NOT THE TIME GIRL😭😭

gibson_g1rl @/youruser YOU GUYS ARE SO DISGUSTINGLY CUTE !!!! ITS NAUSEATING !!!!!

jasvtsc ANYONE ELSE CRYING AND THROWING UP AND BANGING THEIR HEAD ON THE WALL RN😭😭😭

suicideleopard i see that mausoleum we used to always make out behind

youruser you tryna run it back??

suicideleopard @/youruser Pause…

youruser @/suicideleopard nah nah nah it’s good dw i got socks on😼

gibson_g1rl @/youruser @/suicideleopard ?????😭😭😭

vamps4y/n @/youruser @/suicideleopard you guys are fucking insane, just make out already

youruser @/vamps4y/n i Really wish i could thumbs down instagram comments…..

suicideleopard liked your comment

jensenackles liked your comment

vamps4y/n @/youruser 😭😭 you literally started this

youruser @/vamps4y/n blaming everyone but yourself…

hrtsy/n OMGOGKFMFO NEEWWWWWW ALBUMMMMMM ON THE FUCKING WAYYYY OMGGGG😭😭😭😭😭😭

gibson_g1rl WE USED TO PRAY FOR DAYS LIKE THESE🙏🙏

y/ngirlies MOTHER IS FINALLY FEEDING US AGAIN

archiveofvirtue THE DROUGHT IS FINALLY OVER😭😭🙏

pearlzier WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK YOU GUYS!!!!!

jasvtsc THE SUN HAS FINALLY COME THE RAIN IS GONE🙌

youruser

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youruser when you gon’ fly me in private so i can land on that dick🧎‍♀️ #oldpics

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gibson_g1rl i beg your finest fucking pardon⁉️

pearlzier THE SECOND PIC?????

jensenackles Hey, nice coat!☺️

youruser OH THNX😸 yeah i actually stole it from this random white boy, he was super chill abt it tho

jensenackles liked your comment

archiveofvirtue @/youruser you two aren’t fooling anybody anymore, just hard launch already so we can be crazy in peace

y/ngirlies @/archiveofvirtue @/youruser RETWEET !!!

jackleswife that should be me

vamps4y/n we should take you out back and shoot you like a deer with chronic wasting disease

deanluvr i’m obsessed with seeing you guys in this era, i don’t ever want it to end🙏

jasvtsc this might be their best era yet

deansluvr @/jasvtsc it is fr

hrtsy/n mama y papa liked🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

caswh0re @/hrtsy/n iktr they’re just like us

youruser

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youruser CHICAGO I HAVE SO MUCH TO THANK YOU FOR

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yourbffsuser baby came back home for awhile guys😸😸

youruser you can take the girl out of the midwest, but you can’t take the midwest out of the girl fr🙁

hrtsy/n the sixth pic is so real, like i felt that🤞

youruser we revisited the trap that day☠️☠️

hrtsyn @/youruser OH?????

youruser @/hrtsy/n ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

gibson_g1rl your silly ass was getting more train flattened pennies huh😭

youruser you know it babe🤭🤭

jasvtsc i love it when y/n in chicago🫶

pearlzier ykyk we always get some of the best music when she goes back🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

jasvtsc @/pearlzier EXACTLYYYYY

archiveofvirtue WELCOME BACK JUNE ADVENTURES !!!!!

youruser I FINALLY GOT TO FLICK THE BEAN AGAIN!!!!!

y/ngirlies @/youruser excuse me???💀

youruser @/y/ngirlies the giant stainless steel bean in millennium park☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

y/ngirlies @/youruser OHHHHH!!😭😭😭

vamps4y/n @/y/ngirlies @/youruser tf did you think she meant😭

jensenackles Hope you had fun sweetheart!!😊

youruser i did lovey, thank you🫂🤎

pearlzier @/youruser SWEETHEART AND LOVEY?????????😭😭😭😭😭😭

jasvtsc @/youruser LOVEY??? THATS SO FUCKING CUTE OMG????😭😭😭

gibson_g1rl @/youruser YOU GUYS ARE SO ADORABLE IM THROWING UP!!!!!!

deanluvr @/youruser PLS JUST GO CANON ALREADY OMFGG😭😭

caswh0re @/deanluvr @/youruser “go canon” 😭

youruser 3m

꩜ thank you so much !!! i hope you guys enjoyed reading this😸 all feedback, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated 💟

꩜ SOOO much happening here, this part didn’t go the way i originally planned but i still like it🙏🏼

꩜ tags : @gibson-g1rl @pearlzier @jasvtsc @archiveofvirtue 🎀 lmk if you wanna be tagged and/or featured in the next part !!!!!

[killsatoru]

Part One : Mistakes With Rings : Gojo Satoru

Pairing : Gojo Satoru x fem! reader

Warning(s) : Cursing, reader is a Itadori

Summary : Thrown into a loveless marriage, but what happens when your husband asks you for an open marriage?

-

“Let’s have an open marriage.”

Those words were enough to crumble the bricks we have built, though maybe those bricks were just me.

he didn’t bother to add the paste between to keep the wall together.

he created his own leaving me to finish ours myself.

I let out a shaky breath. one i didn’t realize i was holding, his icy blue eyes looking into mine. demanding for me to free him from the shackles of our loveless marriage.

“Okay, if that is what you want.”

Was I really allowed to say no? We were both thrown into this marriage because of our parents, there was no love involved, no relationship, no connection, no butterflies, heart eyes, honeymoon phase, sparks.

nothing.

absolutely nothing.

-

We were friends back when we were young.

a little boy that with a snap of his finger had everyone to their knees, singing him praises, wrapped gifts with luxurious items, that he would sigh and throw them to the side not taking into account their value.

Spoiled to the very core.

little Gojo Satoru has never heard the word “No” from anyone else but himself.

except from me

“You’ll marry me eventually” face covered in cake, one that he had requested

“No I won’t. I don't plan on getting married.” a frown playing on my childish features

“why not? you’ll die all alone!” Stuffing more cake into his face, hopefully he brushes his teeth.

“So be it, I prefer that rather than a loveless marriage.”

At such a young age I wasn't meant to already have those negative views on marriage. but when it came to him. I would have those ill feelings towards marriage.

To think it is now a nightmare i have to wake up to everyday.

-

“Y/N Itadori, you are to marry Gojo Satoru.” A stern voice echoes through the walls. leaving no space to deny the demand that was just told.

leaving the room, with a heavy weight on my shoulder. please let this be a nightmare I wince, ‘where did I go wrong?’ tears threatening to spill out, those same words juggling through my head…

“Y/N! Are you alright? what did they say?”

Looking up to see my brother Jin, only 2 years older than me looking at me with confusion and concern.

“I’m getting married…”

-

“You may now kiss the bride!”

The room was spinning. The man that I have done everything in my power to avoid ever wearing the same ring. To avoid a marriage that only benefited others, to avoid this twisted joke that whoever was above played on me, to avoid ever being in a loveless marriage.

he inched closer. His scent is so strong, so unbearable. He's hesitating.

‘Just get it over with’

Pulling him closer catching him off guard. Sealing our lips in a kiss.

-

A honeymoon should never feel this empty.

To avoid being stuck in the same room as him, I took a long stroll through the beach, the soft waves soothing me into my memories.

memories flooding in of when we were 15.

-

“GOJO SATORU! I'M GOING TO WRANGLE YOUR NECK!”

“HELP GUYS! SHE'S INSANE!”

Laughing

Watching from the table Gojo’s and Utahime’s banter

“So Y/N~ got anyone you like!” Shoko wiggles her eyebrows at me

giggling “Nah you know i have no plans of that anytime soon.”

“you let out a cute giggle though there must be someone~” poking my cheek now

“leave her alone Shoko, it’s probably Satoru~”

“You two are seriously impossible”

“Come onnnn~ you can tell ussss~” both giving me puppy dog eyes

“No. I don’t. And no I won't.”

“Y/N PLEASE SAVE ME PLEASE!”

jumping towards me hugging me tightly, a light blush coating my cheeks

“GOJO!! LET GO OF Y/N!”

“NO! Y/N PLEASE DON'T LET ME GO!”

hugging him back, smiling warmly at him.

psh he wishes pushing him towards Utahime

“he’s all yours Utahime!”

“Y/NNN HOW COULDDD YOUUUU WE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE KIDSSS SHES GONNA CUT MY BALLLLLLS!”

“He’s seriously delusional.” Dusting off where he was just squeezing me

“You saw that right, Shoko?”

“Sure did!”

now smiling wickedly at me

“You sooooo like him~”

“I can never win, can i.”

-

I have always liked him. but it was one sided i could never truly admit it.

I pushed those feelings away, labeling them puppy love. nothing more. nothing less.

being brought back to reality. The cold beach air was biting at my skin causing my hairs to stand up, and also the thought of sharing the same room and bed with him.

-

“I got myself another room. we don’t have to share”

“Sure. Goodnight Gojo.”

This marriage is gonna go to shit.

Slipping into the cold covers. Honeymoons were meant to be filled with love and passion. A celebration of becoming one.

This was just the beginning.

This is another concept that was brewing up for a little while! Honestly not super proud of my writing for this one but it’s a little more thoughtout unlike Indigo. Thank you guys for reading!

[yanderes-galore]

I love Blitzø, I hope I made an okay plot for this....

Prompts Here

Yandere! Blitzø Prompts 18, 30, 15

“Don’t say you’re lonely. You have me!”

"Red is the perfect color for your skin.”

“If you ever stop loving me, I’ll kill who you love instead.”

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Insecurity, Fear of loss, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Stalking, Trust issues, Blood, Violence, Murder, Delusional behavior, Suggestive themes, Swearing, Toxic relationship, Consensual turned Forced relationship.

Insecurity has a tendency to drive a person... Especially when it comes to Blitz.

Blitz was told by nearly everyone that no one would love him. Past partners, past friends, even Stolas wanted nothing to do with him. Such events could easily cause insecurity within anyone.

Which is why Blitz is baffled as to why you've stuck around so long.

When dating you he fully expected you to use him when he asked you out. A one time thing to forget about his issues, that's it. Then you suggested another date.

It kept going until you two were officially a couple.

Even with you two dating and him being showered with affection, Blitz couldn't believe it. There's just... no way? You must love someone else... You must just want him for intimacy.

Blitz feared you were playing him. He fears you're cheating on him. He fears that everyone else you talk with might win your heart from him.

He's so scared when you go out with friends. Perhaps someday you'll just... never come back to him. He knows he should trust you...

But it's so hard when he sees you smiling all happy with others.

You aren't happy with him, are you?

Selfishly, Blitz has had thoughts of... getting rid of your friends. He's a skilled assassin, if he wished to, he could. Yet... He's been trying his best to reign himself in for you.

You were no doubt used to Blitz's insecurity in your relationship. You had heard of what he's gone through, how he's been horrible with relationships. However... you vowed to stay beside him.

But even you couldn't ignore the odd behavior he began to exhibit.

"If you ever stop loving me, I’ll kill who you love instead...." Blitz had once whispered to you when you were both cuddling in his apartment. Such a saying was your first warning, yet you brushed it off as a heat of the moment thing.

"You don't mean it, do you, baby–?" You whispered to him that night, hoping he was joking. Blitz makes a small noise of comfort, eyes flicking to you.

"Mhm..." He says, but you always felt... uneasy.

Another warning you had noticed was when Blitz and you were talking on a date. This was months into your relationship... just about where you started to notice previous friends distance themselves from you.

Some ghosted you, some actively avoided you on the street, and some were just gone. Such a thing made you wonder if you were the problem. You could only turn to one person after such an event...

"Don’t say you’re lonely. You have me!" Blitz replied when you admitted you felt unwanted. You told him you were worried and just wanted friends.

Blitz was quick to distract you from the situation. He merely offered to get your mind off of it, nipping your neck and curling his tail around your waist. Why should you bother worrying about them?

You won't be able to once he's done.

You had clung to Blitz for a while after that. For a long time you didn't want to bother trying to make new friends. You only ever gave Blitz attention.

Although... Soon came your final warning once you decided to change things.

While Blitz was at work, you tried to reconnect with people and make new friends. You hoped things could be different. Blitz made you feel wanted... maybe you could finally make friends again?

You soon found out you weren't the reason for feeling so alone....

You had found another person to speak with and hang out with. In fact, when Blitz was out, you spent your entire day with them. You both got along so well you offered to walk your new friend home.

Yet during the walk... blood splashed onto your clothes... your skin... your face....

You're stunned for a moment. The dark red blood, nearly looking black, spills down you in a warm mess. You can't even manage to say anything before you hear footsteps behind you, the click of a rifle echoing through the street.

"I fucking knew it..."

The voice of your boyfriend rings in your ears as you quickly turn around. The imp stands in front of you, his rifle in his hands as he glares at the corpse beside you. You shake but Blitz merely grins.

"I knew you'd cheat on me the second I turned my back—!" Blitz continues as he stalks closer, tail thrashing. "I just thought I could get rid of the fucker sooner like the others...."

Blitz didn't bother with a facade anymore. It was clear he's the reason you're so isolated. Like the assassin he was, he viewed your previous companions are merely targets.

"Oh, baby..." Blitz sighs, both in a defeated yet excited tone. "Red is the perfect color for your skin...."

You felt disgusted at his tone, as if he felt gratification for seeing you covered in blood. You keep your distance, beginning to hyperventilate. Blitz was unpredictable...

As he soon proves when he lunges for you, pinning you down.

"I should've known to lock that damn door...!" Blitz seethes as you struggle against him. "Should've known you'd try to leave me... even after everything I've done for you...!"

"Let me go!" You plead, only for Blitz to growl before wrangling you with his tail.

"Let you go? Doll... I could never let you go even now!" Blitz hums, restraining you. "I just have to try harder... let's go home and clean you up, yeah? I'll take care of everything...."

"I'm not going back to your apartment!" You snarl, Blitz looks unamused at such an outburst.

"Okay, fine. We'll go back to yours if you want." Blitz continues before you roughly push against his chest again.

"I'm not going anywhere with you!" You argue, only for Blitz's claws to dig into your flesh.

"Oh, baby..." Blitz sighs before pulling you along with him. "You think you have a say after everything you pulled?"

You yelp as Blitz grips your chin, tail wrapped tightly around your waist.

"You've always been mine. No one can take you from me, I'll make damn sure of that."

[multific]

Call You Amor

K'uk'ulkan x Reader

Summary: Patience is something we all have to learn, even Gods. Even Gods who just confessed their love.

K'uk'ulkan was a patient man. Having lived as long as he have, he learned the importance of timing and patience.

He was patiently waiting for you as well.

Despite being a 'surface dweller' he quickly fell in love with you.

He was a patient man.

But he also found himself walking along the banks of your home town, hoping and begging for his God so he could see you.

He went, day after day.

He felt stupid now, stupid for telling you to take your time, stupid for saying he can wait even years for an answer.

He wanted to make you feel comfortable and now he was regretting it.

This anxiety was eating him alive.

It distracted him from his duties as the leader of Talokan.

But he wanted you, he needed you. And he needed an answer to his confession.

As it soon got dark, K'uk'ulkan headed back to his home. He didn't sleep but he did manage to rest a little.

The next morning, he did what he had been doing for the past three days.

He dealt with his duties and soon after swam to the beach. He walked out of the water and to his surprise, there you stood.

He noticed the shell he gave you to call him in your hands, your shaking hands.

"I thought I had to place it in the water to call you." you said as you walked over.

"Could you please just... tell me your decision, I beg of you to put me out of my misery."

You smiled a little, he was a man after all, no matter how much he tried to assure you that he could be patient.

"We are very different. You live in the ocean, lead your people, hide from my people. At first, I thought it would be impossible. How could you ever like me to begin with, especially with your hatred towards my people. You said I can decide whether I should call you Namor like your enemies." you watched as his hand moved into a fist, he looked away from you. "And I so decided to call you a different name, neither K'uk'ulkan nor Namor. I wish to call you Amor." his eyes snapped back up at you. He muttered something in his mother tongue, something you couldn't quite understand.

"I thought you were rejecting me."

"I thought about it. Because of our differences. I fear your people will hate me for I am only a surface dweller. I am no Queen as you claimed I could be." he walked over to you as you finally dropped the shell from your hand, his moved to your waist and pulled you in.

"Say it to me, please."

"I wish for you to court me. I wish to be yours. For now, it will be enough."

"And in the future?"

"I could be delusional. I have wishful thinking, but I can see myself by your side, forever. As a partner, a wife, a Queen. As long as you will have me." he let out a shaky breath. One he didn't even know he was holding.

"I came here, day after day in the hopes of seeing you. For you to accept my confession... I'm overjoyed." he smiled.

What a gorgeous smile he had.

"My Handsome King, I truly don't see how you can find me, out of everyone so interesting."

"You are a rare beauty. You are smart and gentle. Kind yet fierce. I need that in my life."

"So, I remind you of your mother."

"Pardon?"

You laughed at his expression.

"Nothing nothing." you laughed a little as his grip on your tightened.

"Is that some joke between... women?"

"You could say that, yes. A joke. Can I ask my King, to take me on a date?"

"What's a date?" you nearly fell over laughing. He loved to hear your laugh.

"I will dress up nicely and we can meet and talk."

"What's wrong with what you are wearing now? It looks nice enough for me."

"Okay, would you like to go somewhere then?"

"I can't really leave the water."

Problem number 1.

You assumed there will be more along the way, but you were sure you can also deal with them and find solutions.

"Then let's stay here? In case you need to leave, you could go back."

"I will give you this." he reached into the water and you noticed something shimmering in there. He pulled out a necklace made of pearls. "I have been making this since I saw you." he then held the medal in the middle of the pears in his palm. "You just have to whisper to this, and I will come to you, wherever you are." he then placed it around your neck. You touched the delicate jade medal and smiled at him.

"Thank you. I wish I could give you something special as well."

"A kiss would be special enough." he smirked as you smiled.

"Very well." you moved your hand to the back of his neck as he let you pull him in, and you placed a kiss on his lips.

"I will come see you again tomorrow, My Love." he said as he finally let go of you, slowly walking into the sea.

"I hate seeing you leave, but I love watching you go." you said which confused him as he turned to give you a look. "I mean you have a nice... backside."

"So do you." he said and you knew he didn't understand your reference but it was okay.

You will teach him many more things about yourself as you will learn more about him.

You never expected to end up with him, but you were not complaining.

If anything, you were looking forward to tomorrow and the days after.

Namor Taglist: @lunamoonbby

Taglist: @fleursirvart @greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster @capsiclesdoll @puknow @alwayshave-faith @alex12948 @lxdyred  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @praline357 @trshngyn @avengers-r-us @violet-19999 @top1bbgloak   @manduse   @jacalineiscomingforyou  @mandoloriancookie @noname2246

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS 

[frogsprism]

Dark!John Price X Delusional?Reader

18+, mdni, dark and unsettling themes

Cw: implied death of a major character, grieving, mental health, trauma, manipulation tactics, abusive behavior

Please let me know if I missed any.

A/N: It has been awhile since I wrote anything. I will most like be slow at updating this. POV will change.

Word Count: 1,100

You lost him. One minute he was with you and the next he's gone. And when you see him again with one else, you think maybe it was all in your head. Maybe you thought there was something between the two of you, when there was nothing there. Maybe they were right about you. That you are not right in the head.

There's black chrysanthemums growing where he used to sit. It makes the room look like there is a small black hole. Your chest hurts every time you walk into the living room. Ripping them out does nothing but make them grow back (fuller than before. It's starting to make you sick).

So, you stop pulling at them, and the sickness has slowly stopped, too. You wish he was here. But, he's not. He's gone. And they remain.

It has been two years since you last seen him. The black chrysanthemums are still there but fewer in numbers as the days pass. Their color dulling over time as well. You should be happy about that, but it fills you with dread.

You finally see him again. With someone that is not you. Someone you thought was your friend.

And it feels like everything is crashing down around you. You can't breathe, can't see. So, you run all the way home.

And as soon as you get there and look at his favorite recliner. All of the chrysanthemums are gone, like they never exist. Like he never existed.

Slowly, your life goes back to before you meet him. Or was it all in your head? Did you just see him one day and thought you two were together. You've gotten rid of the recliner. The one he had thrown away 3 years ago. You stop seeing that friend. Was not a friend, but a coworker, the only one that spoke to you. And suddenly, you stop seeing them at work. They're supposed to get married, having a beautiful wedding in Herefordshire.

Why is this happening to you? It's your own fault. What did you do to deserve this? You need to stop living in your head. You thought he loved you. Does he even know you exist?

Then, one day, you see them again. It's not fair. They get to live the life you wanted. But, they are alone and there is no ring. Where is the ring? Where is John? You slowly make your way to them. What are you doing? When you get closer to them, you see them with someone that is not John. Where is he? Why are you not with him? You watch them as they leave. Why are you leaving without him? Where did you leave him? Suddenly, the world goes dark.

John hated that he had to leave you like that. But, it had to be done, the risk was too high. If something ever happened to you, he could not live with himself. John just hoped that you were okay and you would forgive him for what he did.

It hurt even more that he used that one coworker of yours. The one you talked about often since they were the only one in the building that treated you like a person. And not just someone that was unwell.

It worked out in the end, they were not in the best of situations themselves, their partner was abusive. John told them that if played the part of being his partner and that he would get them out. Let someone else risk their life but not your sweet girl's.

John told you that being with you was no longer working out. That he fell in love with some else and that he could no longer be away from them. He watched as your face fell, seeing the tears starting to swell up. He had to look away. Look at what you have done. He thought you would freak out and tell him no, that you guys could work it out. But, when he looked back at you, he saw nothing. No emotions, just a blank stare and a “Okay, John, if that is what you want.”. You got up and began packing his belongings. John sat there and watched as you finished packing the last item. Why is she so calm? She should be mad.

“Here are your things, please leave.”

John could not believe that you just kicked him out like it was nothing. Did you not love him? He tried to talk to you, but you just closed the door in his face. But, before the door closed all the way, he saw the look on your face. The face of a dead man. He stood there in silence, slowly turning away from the door and walk to his car.

Hope it was worth it. This was not the plan. This was not supposed to happen. It was supposed to play out differently. You were supposed to cry and tell him not to leave you. That you could not live without him. But, you just closed the door in his face.

You wake up in the hospital, not something you planned for or the knot on your head. Not, like there aren’t enough problems with your head. Thankfully, they let you go after you showed them you were well enough to leave. After lying through your teeth, telling them that someone will help you. They told you that if your head still hurts to come back or make an appointment with your healthcare provider.

You just wish that everything would go back to the way it used to be. But that would mean going back home. And that was not an option anymore. He made sure of that. But, you did not want to look like a failure. Not when your mother gave you everything just so you could go to college. She would take you back, she loves you after all. So, you stay where you are and try to live normally.

When you got back home, you felt so drained. You thought that you finally got better, that you were well enough. Everyone at work was finally speaking to you. They actually asked if you wanted to go out and have drinks with them. They never asked that before. Because you got better at hiding. You did not want to ruin that by becoming who you once were. And not because they were told to leave you alone. Not because they were threatened by him.

But, at what cost? You were a mess for 3 years. For 3 years, you were like a dead man walking. For 3 years, your mind was in ruins. For 3 years, you were actually happy. No one telling you that your coworkers did not like you because you talk too much. No one telling you that you don't need anyone but them. You are finally able to live like you used to. You're free.

Or so you thought.

[crmsnmth]

A Letter to Someone I'll Never Talk To Again: Part One

Dear "Muppet"

Most people start off a letter by asking how you are, but I don't want to waste words on something that doesn't affect my life. I hope you're doing well, but it's really none of my bsiness in the end. I wish like hell that that wasn't true, but wishes are for wishful thinking. You know me, always the life of the party.

I haven't changed all that much since our time. Okay, that's a lie. I've changed a lot. See after you left, and everyone watched me go down, I vowed to change. That I would someday change back into the person I was at my happiest. I thougth that's what mattered, being happy.

The problem with this fool proof plan was that I was a fool with guesses. I was at my happiest with you, so that means I'll never be that person again. That person is officially dead and buried and his rotting corpse is why my breath stinks to badly in the morning. It leaves a foul taste too.

I knew you were with him during the last month of our relationship. I always wonder if you ever figured out that I figured it out, playing Sherlock Holmes but with a far less interesting story that you already know. I knew he was there while I was at work. And I bit my tongue because I loved you so much. I loved the person I had fallen in love with.

That person I fell in love so deeply with, was different than the one you were at the end. And I guess that's kind of a given fact since you were fucking someone else while we were in our relationship. I've had some bad relationships, the one after you especially difficult, but one thing i can say is that I've never once cheated on any partner I've had. Even if I wanted to, I never did it. Not even has payback. I didn't really give all thought about it.

Why would I? It never mattered what you did. From the very first time you stepped into that bar to the very last time you walked away from me, I knew I was yours. I was yours and I would do anything for you. So I even forgive you for all of this stuff too.

That doesn't mean I wasn't a problem too. I was caught in a delusional world I had built in my head, and I wouldn't get out of it until you left me. I think that was the shock that snapped everything into place. The catalyst, you could say. I was a liar and a con artist with the charisma of Charles Manson. I could get anyone on my side before you. I used those skills. I did it constantly. Tell a lie, something so far off and unreal that was obviously lie, and I'd wait for sometone to take the bait. Once they took the bair, the game was on and I ould try to convince someone that I was right, even when they knew I wasn't. It worked more often than not, and looking back, that frightens me so much. I was so good at it. Either that or everybody was somehow in on the joke. I did it too twice that I can think, but that number should be higher.

I really lost it after you left. And you saw it. The last phone call I ever got from you was the morning after a very awful evening. I don't remember the evening. I was mixing cocaine and being black out drunk. Somehow, I managed to piss everybody off and was taken outside to get the shit kicked out of me. You called the next morning, after hearing abot the beating and my awful behavior. Yout told me your roommate was super pissed at me. I tried to apologize on Facebook and maybe find out what happened, but he read my message and proceeded to block me/ That was it then. That one less than a minute long phone call.

They'll be letters soon, but for now I'm tired and my eyes itch behind my glasses. Time to start the ritual you loved so much in the beginning but by the end hated. And that's how it goes. People change, and there is absolutely nothing one could do. Our time together meant and still means almost everything to me, and at the way it's going, I'll be seeing you when my eyes close for all of eternity. Even without well-respected no contact clause. I almost broke when I came across your picture in a box of random papers. But I didn't. And the number I refuse to delete from my sim card may not even be your number anymore. I've probably gone through 100 different numbers since yo split.

I have to stop now, or I never will.

Love You Until the Sun Explodes, "Peanut"

[taegularities]

Oh I was entertained to the fullest and till the very last devoured the whole thing in one sitting like 🍗💋

Firstly I love it more than before everytime I read your recent works it's just gets better your writing is just getting better with every fic and the whole description just crunchiest shit 🫦🫦 which is so rare to get such quality in this fanfiction community and very few who just do it WE LOVE IT BABE the growth and hard work you put in these ffs so much love and appreciation for you and lots of respect

Personally love this inner monologue of jk's you did in this just OH MY FUCKIN GOD like for a good minute even after knowing he gonna be assy musty bitch I was rooting and feeling for this guy so much.

My thoughts were like okay it's just little insecure narcissistic eittiy bittiy baby boy we are dealing with who is about to get his shit wrecked up and down but DASH 💨 we got some other route I knew it exact the moment Chaos coming when oc mentioned the college and her friend like yes bitch ✨✨✨✨ you are fucked 🤭🤭 we are getting a HIT 🔥🥵 SHOW

And is it bad to say I feel little bad for the unreleased song unfortunate how poor song isn't getting released anytime soon #justicefortheunreleasedsong

WOW LIKE WOW scrumbley delicious smut gosh RID you really outdid yourself with this one just 👩🏻‍🍳🍳 I wanna know how you writing this good smuts lately so much better than some actual publishing authors 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Now coming to the oc's friend I understand her and sympathize her and nor I wanna sound like some completely unsympathetic person BUT !!!! like C'MON GURL HE WAS A CLEAR CUT VISIBLE RED FLAG he put on display of himself and still you went in like your friend is able to see more into your whatever relationship than you at all we clearly DELUSIONALLY BLIND 🦯 too our own goodness but that was very dumb 😭😭 of her I'm sorry like we can't even blame her people even IRL be doing shit like that. I'm not victim Shaming at all like yes what the fucker character of jk did was absolutely disgusting and deserved Karma he got at the end

But how come she never thought of her friend who was constantly there for her like if you would have asked oc to commit murder I'm sure she would have gone all 🤺🤺 not that we support such stuffs 🙅🏻‍♀️ but some 🦨 nasty deserve

Being for real if not legal action she and oc could have pull some smart move revenge prank back on him if only she genuinely listened to oc I don't know I feel bad how she just didn't give much thought and went away so fast after that fuckers bullshit talk

Btw I Love that playlist thingyy you did cherry on top loved how similar taste we share (⁠´⁠ ⁠❥⁠ ⁠`)

And about jk's character dynamic I feel like he always prefer himself in way he chased himself in people from very childhood getting full on best treatment and praise from all side clearly made him little narcissistic and self obsessed with zero expectations of returning back anything to the point he thought of anyone but him and his Chase for more appreciation and undivided love in different people all the time till he get's bored from them when they start asking back for the some love YK which is what we get to see with jangmi like all he wanted was typical love me all you can without wanting back in return till I get board and toss you I'm sure even after all that he keep on doing same shit with others assholes like him never stop any lower

Untill he got faced with something to Chase more just like parallel to his career we can see it's like he wants to something to engage with on constant like a spoiled brat child who is more so anticipated of opening the gift rather than receiving or appreciation of others hope it's all making some sense ⊂⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠つ

And I kinda I wish there was more of uglyness from oc's side yes I'm through and through satisfied but still I was wishing more of a femme fatale crazy havco taking place her making him all tangled up in love  and obsession full-on blinded by her to the point he can't still imagine her do something like this just swapping off floor from his feets like ⛽🔥📛👩🏻‍🚒🚒

Really love you appreciate you for putting this out here for us 💖🙏🏻

~🦴🔫 anon

32k in one sitting is insaneeee 😭 omg did i get better? thank you.. as someone with a creative hobby, this is all i could hope for :') gosh, i bet there are so many people out there who are amazing and do even better stuff than i do, but you're so sweet and i'll take the compliment 🥺

glad you liked the jk pov :P he's super secure and insecure about himself at once!! definitely is a narcissistic, whiny baby either way :') yes!! the world missed out on the song bc it was my time, one of the greatest tracks ever made, but what can we do 🤣 THANK YOU FOR LIKING THE SMUT. i am quite proud of it, if i say so myself, like i do think it was one of the better ones i've written so far :D how i'm writing such good smut lately? who'd know 👁 LOL

you right you right, the friend was certainly naive, but i guess that was just part of her personality, you know? like, jangmi was an extremely kind, extremely giving person. she trusted others and she believed in love, she just gave that trust to the wrong person. she hoped she could change him, or make him love her; just a very "oh a bad boy, i can fix him" kinda mistake. oc isn't like that – she sees through people fast.. and she tried to convince jangmi, but love is love and it does make you blind and you only really see the issues once the loved one is gone in one way or another. things would've turned out so differently if she'd listened to her best friend though sigh :') and oh, oc definitely wanted to take legal action! or hurt jk in some way, but jangmi, as someone who really really liked kook, did not want to go that far.. she was not the type of person to take revenge or pull a prank.

hehe okayyy, i put a lot of thought into the playlist!!!! so happy you enjoyed it!! any fav song on it?

yup yup, the top notch treatment he got from his family, and as the younger sibling too, certainly shaped him. made him selfish for sure; for him, nobody is good enough, and he def deffff doesn't expect anything from anyone!! except maybe attention and love, but he won't settle for long enough to actually give anything back. proceeds until he gets bored and then moves to someone else. chasing someone else was new for him, which is why oc intrigued him so much haha she didn't give a shit about his advances :P

yeahhhh, i think oc has a lot more in her than we know, but since the fic was already too long and we didn't see much of her thoughts or anything from her pov, it was a bit hard to go the full femme fatale route 🤣 not sure if he would've ever fallen in love with her, tbh.

i appreciate you so so much, babe!!!! thank you for dropping such a long fkn review??? i'm sorry i got to it so late, but i wanted to give a thought out response. literally, never stop and ily <33333

[bwabys-scenarios]

hey, so would it be okay for this to just be read and not answered? i want to respect everyone's privacy.

so, i used to be in your old discord you now privated and that's totaly fine! whatever makes u most comfy! i kinda put two and two together with the person u were talking about on here and someone who left that discord like 2 weeks ago. IF its the same person im thinking of, then they are currently being harassed, called a c*nt, delusional, anon is asking for usernames of people, which they refuse to give and dont want to speak about the situation further (they honestly arent even talking about it and seem to be moved on? idk what anon is on about). essentially a very similar message to yours of dont harass anyone or ask questions further, we both will move on etc i saw it and your message that hate wont be tolerated and i really hope whoever the anon is isnt sending you hate either... it's a weird situation and idk what to do other than bring it to attention, even tho i know you want to move on and heal from this person, i also feel strongly about cyberbullying and people who are nosy and want to get involved for no reason. i just wish healing for everyone involved<3 anyway, that's all and i hope that you are doing well regardless! im wishing you a lovely day or night mwah<3

No, anons haven’t sent me any hate at all, this is actually fucking disgusting. Maybe I haven’t gotten the hate yet? Either way I’m assuming it’s someone from my old server or someone sending them hate just to cause more drama between the two of us.

So big announcement, if you’re sending hate to anyone on my behalf, I want you to fucking show yourself. I want you to apologize. I already asked everyone to not send any hate to anyone, it’s not hard at all to do.

I made a mistake making it public(though I did not mention their name once on tumblr), and this is a very harsh lesson to learn. I have the person that’s receiving this hate blocked or I would personally apologize to them, but if they see this, that’s not what I wanted at all. If you find out who is sending you the hate you can contact me and I’ll make sure they get reported. You can also report anonymous messages, and it should still affect their account! I did this in the past and it got someone’s account who was bullying me taken down.

I never mentioned the persons name publicly but I did vent about them in my discord after the big falling out because I was so frustrated. I didn’t want more people to know who they were after I calmed down so I kicked everyone I didn’t trust.

If someone I trusted did this, it breaks my fucking heart. This is not what we do, this shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone. Idc what anyone did in this situation, she didn’t do anything worthy of receiving hate. No one should get that kind of shit. No one.

I would have hoped people had some common fucking decency. This literally pissed me tf off.

It’s a big lesson, even if you think you can trust people with information, you always have to be careful. That’s why I made a whole new server with no drama and no vents or anything to prevent this. It’s partially my fault, even if I didn’t say their username on my tumblr I did say it in my discord server. At the time it only had around 20ish people, but soon after I posted in vent I made the vent channel private and kicked 10 people, the unprivated the vent channel after. Before we had a falling out I didn’t mention them at all, and it should have stayed that way.

I haven’t checked their account since I blocked them, but they should be able to block the anonymous accounts. I’m pretty sure it blocks alts as well? Because when I block someone at least I’m unable to see the account on my alt. Idk about being blocked though. Sorry I don’t usually try to go to someone’s account after I’ve been blocked.

I’d recommend turning off anons for a while, it’s what I did after the fallout because I was afraid of getting bad anonymous asks as well. And at the time before I turned it off I did receive a few nasty asks about me being dramatic etc, but I didn’t really give it much thought.

People enjoy drama and stirring the pot. I think I’ll also turn off anon and limit my messages to people I follow only for a bit just to be safe 😭

If you send anyone hate on my behalf, you are scum. I don’t tolerate bullies, that situation has been over with for nearly a week now, and we both moved on. There’s no reason to send hate to anyone.

I’m sorry, in the future I’ll be more mindful of who I vent to. It’s just not okay, I thought I could trust my server of FULLY GROWN ADULTS to act like adults should, but clearly fucking not. I’m not only disappointed, but also angry and upset.

If you think sending someone hate on my behalf helps me at all, you’re wrong. All it does it hurt others and cause more problems for me. This has brought back all the stress of the situation when I felt like I finally moved on from it.

I’m sorry, again, it’s my fault for trusting the wrong people. I’ll keep my venting between my closest friends from now on. This is just not acceptable behavior, who the fuck sends someone anonymous hate over INTERNET DRAMA? Go outside, touch some grass, interact with someone in the real world!

I offer all of my apologies to the person affected. Not mentioning their name, but I really hope this message clears everything up. I don’t want anyone sending ANYONE hate.

[bearsbeetsbeskar]

gorgeous!!! do you have any idea when the next chapter of weedpaw is gonna come out? i love that silly old man 🍃💗

Hello lovely!!!

Don't we all love that grumpy silly STONED OLD MAN 🌚

Life has been super hectic lately as I am wrapping up my first semester of grad school, but I will be starting my winter break soon and I'll have close to a month off to get some writing done! I am definitely hoping to get more writing for the next chapter of weedpaw in that time as I know it's been a while since I updated and some lovely people are anxious to see what happens next!

But as a little treat, here is some of the next chapter as reader and Joel get teased endlessly for their so called 'hangout/ first smoke sesh' 🙈

chapter preview under the cut:

“Mmph- Stef, it wasn’t a date.” You point out flatly.

She pushes you away, still gripping onto your shoulders and laughs in disbelief. “Damn, was the dick that good, that it made you delusional?!”

“Jesus. I am not delusional, and we did not have sex, okay?” Practically hissing the words at her, you pull away and turn to keep emptying the weed jars.

“You said you went over to his house though, and that you spent the evening with him.” She walks around you to stand in front of you.

“Am I missing something?” She raises her eyebrows at you again, but her expression is diluted with concern instead of teasing.

Letting out another defeated sigh, you hang your head. “No. But it’s not what you think. I went over and we literally just smoked, hung out at the food truck festival and then we went our separate ways.”  

Looking entirely unconvinced, Stef crosses her arms over her chest and flashes you with her signature smirk

“I’m serious, Stef. That’s all.”

“Mhmmm,” she drags out the hum placatingly before immediately asking, “did you get his number?”

At that, you look up at the ceiling, wishing it would open up and swallow you whole. It shouldn’t matter really, your pride disintegrated the moment you decided to touch yourself while imagining Joel’s body consuming yours. Acknowledging that you exchanged numbers shouldn’t matter, but somehow it does. The slight tightening in your chest and sinking feeling in your stomach prove that well enough, the notion that your simple act of kindness in helping out Joel was morphing into an absurd teenage crush.

Yes, you got along well. Yes, he was easy to talk to. Easy to flirt with. Yes, he made your nearly hammer out of your chest whenever he was in close physical proximity to you. But he was also just a customer. A middle aged customer with ridiculous Southern manners that made you blush and big baleful brown eyes.

It was easier to not think about it. And yet, you can’t stop replaying the moment that you mentioned being Joel’s smoking buddy in your mind on loop. The way that his face lit up and his eyes twinkled with genuine happiness. You wanted to see him again. You wanted to see that warm smile flash across his face again.

[kitten4sannie]

groupie anon is back to say that that seonghwa fic.... ngl I was so anxious about them going at it in reader's workplace but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. ALSO I READ THE YUNHO ASTRONAUT ONE- I... that was not very cash money of you ngl.

You deserve to be hyped up um??? giving us all this for FREE?? (my broke uni student self thanks you, on my knees, bowing to you like the angel you are).

also don't mind if you find this account hahah, i just like being groupie anon hehe. I already made my kpop account but I'm waiting to write that fic first before I start being active on it!

honestly, your response to my idea was so wholesome, I might cry. I planned on going home and watching the lectures I've missed while I was in class, but uni can wait. sannie sick fic cannot. I will birth it today no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT.

I got into ateez a bit late but they're one of my ults along with seventeen, but sannie has been a consistent bias. I like to say I don't really have biases and it changes everyday, but san.... he's... yeah. he's made a home for himself in my head. living rent free. slay. but no seriously I'm dtf any day, any time, anywhere. however he wants. I would do questionable things for that man. ehem. moving on. I'd crawl on the floor like a dog and- ANYWAY... other than san though, the rest kind of fight for the bias position everyday.

us as public penpals??? shut up that's so fjfufbhs CUTE im melting. I can't wait to write that fic now hahaha.

thank you for your kinds wishes, I really hope uni goes easy on me this year :").

I hope all is going well for you!!! until next time :* (maybe next time would be through my actual account, rather than as groupie anon! ^^)

heyyyy yeah i feel like the reader’s going to be having a meeting with her boss whenever she gets back sjhsdgd ohhh the astronaut yunho one 🥺 yeah that was the exact opposite of cash money i hurt my feelings so much after i wrote that ;;; but that kind of angst hurts just right sometimes 💔

it may be for free but i get paid in praise so that’s a win in my book 💕 hshdhd don’t awaken anything in me nowww and i’m def not an angel in any capacity more like a goblin that sits in its den and writes filth in the darkness loll.

i have some ideas but i’m not completely sure! oooh okay i can’t wait till you start posting! awwh haha i just really liked that concept you came up with it’s just so insanely fluffy and domestic i want to cry happy tears 🥹 ahhhhh sick sannieeee i can’t wait to read it!! i’m so excited dude

ooh seventeen i like a lot of their music! i can’t pick a bias tho there’s just too many and my mind can’t make a decision jshhs but vernon tho… that man could get it. who’s your seventeen bias btw? yeah i feel that in my bones like san is just something else like i could write a 10 page mla essay on why i love him and how delusional i am for that man but i won’t for everyone’s sake 👍🏼 “crawl on the floor like a dog” FOULLLL but same like where’s the leash? it’s time for walkies - i’m just gonna stop talking now… but same i can’t pick where it comes to the rest of them they’re just too powerful 😔

it is really cute huh??? i’m so glad you decided to send me an ask bc i’m loving this! but if you wanna dm too i’m 100% down for that <3 you’re welcome and i hope it does too hang in there and just take it one day at a time <3 it’s def not the best but it’ll get better soon! oooh sounds good i’ll be looking forward to your next ask 💕

[shamelessrabbithole]

i love this topic, i’m pretty sure he doesn’t really like his fans cause back then he was more into talking with people on twitter or whatever but with how things ended with shameless fans i think he doesn’t want to repeat that ever again lol he always ended up fighting with people who had opinions on the plot, arcs etc. i remember this one said they didn’t like ian not being caring about mickey crying in s11 and he was very petty saying terry was abusive and you wouldn’t cry about that but adding they did have a softer line that they cut in the episode. that one made me realise he goes very defensive over it cause it was a decent discussion you know? they weren’t about to cut his head off they were just expressing how it seemed ooc and just not exactly something you would do to your other half! and dismissing someone pain bc their abuser was abusive (?!) wasn’t the nicest thing. but what i wanted to say is, im sure as soon as he sees someone is a shameless fan he just goes autopilot. he acts nicely when he has to but you can tell he’s trying hard not to let them cross a line. when he was in germany a fan asked if their photos could have been a meme and they refused (noel and cam) cause it was cam being jealous of the fan being with noel. of course they wanted the picture as a gallavich and not cam/noel thing but it shows how uncomfortable they got with having those fans interact and ask things of the sort. i’ve seen so many actors going for it and do some couple-ish photos even if it’s a same sex couple (or even fanon) the first one that comes to mind are the two from supernatural cause they’re always doing conventions but just like cameron there was one of the two (dean’s actor) that had a phase where he really didn’t like talking about his character only in relationship to his sexuality and his ‘love interest’ to the point fans thought he was homophobic for the longest time!

long story short i think he will need lots of time before he’s okay with seeing fans like people that aren’t going to go nuts over him for something related to a show that ended years ago and had no power on his character story. he also seems to wish to be seen as something more and not stuck to the ‘shameless kid’ so i suppose being asked about favourite shameless quotes over and over might be a pain for him cause he wants to move on and try to make a name for himself that goes beyond that (like he does on ig showing what he wants in certain moments and deleting so he has the control on how he’s perceived as an actor from the outside) and also he’s good looking and knows fans will have parasocial tendencies towards him and that’s surely a way to avoid leading them on when meeting irl. there were fans showing up at events with his shirts on hoping he would comment on that but he did the right thing by saying nothing about it or they would be more delusional (which ive seen happen to others)

i would say that maybe being ‘seen’ by his cool friends as the one who has immature/obsessive fans might make him feel like a loser or just out of place because it ends up with people reaching out to his friends and being awkward. like i enjoy gossip in general but if you think of it. the madison girl, she had her people from the dance world or whatever and never had anyone check on her like cameron fans do (like in this blog) having people take screenshots trying to understand where she is where she will be her family her friends etc. there’s a huge background check being done of her life and all she did was working for him and befriending (or dating, but that’s not the point). we could argue she’s in the industry and all that but wanting to follow your passion as a dancer or being in movies or whatever else doesn’t mean everyone is allowed to just dig and dig into their life and it can be quite upsetting especially if it goes from none to 100 in a go. one thing would be seeing his friends/coworker and thinking hey i’m enjoying what they do they got a new fan! but instead it goes beyond it. we might enjoy it and have a laugh seeing their life and interactions but if you were the one people check on constantly i don’t know if you would dig it? so until he’s gotten ridden of the obsessive kind and make a new type of fans/enjoyers i’m guessing it’s gonna be that way

Sorry, I'm curious. What did you mean by this part: a fan asked if their photos could have been a meme and they refused (noel and cam) cause it was cam being jealous of the fan being with noel. Did the fan want them to hug each other in the pic while they stood off to the side or something?

Also, this: there were fans showing up at events with his shirts on hoping he would comment on that but he did the right thing by saying nothing about it or they would be more delusional (which ive seen happen to others) What have you seen happen to others? Are you talking about other actors who've sold products to their fans?

I disagree with this: i would say that maybe being ‘seen’ by his cool friends as the one who has immature/obsessive fans might make him feel like a loser or just out of place because it ends up with people reaching out to his friends and being awkward. Many of his friends are famous enough that they have fans, huge numbers of them, who attend events in order to meet them and have stan accounts in their honor. Hunter Doohan and Liana Liberato to name a few.

Other than more people watching her stories, how do you know that Madison has any idea she's being investigated? Or that it's upsetting her? the madison girl, she had her people from the dance world or whatever and never had anyone check on her like cameron fans do (like in this blog) having people take screenshots trying to understand where she is where she will be her family her friends etc. there’s a huge background check being done of her life...it can be quite upsetting especially if it goes from none to 100 in a go.

And, finally, if he didn't post Madison at all, he could be dating her quietly for years and years before any of us would've realized it. He shares what he wants to. until he’s gotten ridden of the obsessive kind and make a new type of fans/enjoyers i’m guessing it’s gonna be that way

[lostinbirbilling]

I swore to myself that I will not journal multiple times or as frequently as I did the past few months. Although therapeutic, journaling has solidified some memories for me that I shouod be forgetting and they push me further into the loop of overthinking. Moreover, I've journaled as if I was venting out my anger in the past few months. So now, I'm trying to redeem.

But I cant stop myself from journaling one time on tumblr. Cause it's been so long.

Firstly, I've moved on from my first crush. (Or atleast, I'm beginning to move on from him)

This is a milestone in itself because I realised that I do not want to be a secret admirer for someone I talk to very frequently that too,in a filter-free manner.

Although pretty late to join the other end of the sea called "first crushes and hormonal rushes", I've realised that it's either -

You stay a secret admirer while keeping your interactions minimal

Or

You let them know how you feel a little early in the relationship

So that you don't let the guilt of becoming a delusional take over whatever friendship you've really established enroute that's actually needed for the 2 of you but, you're too guilty when he needs you as a friend.

Learnt the lesson a really tough way, but we both have our lives moving in different paces in our unis so "it is what it is"

(I really wish we could hang out sometime soon. But I swore to not get ahead anytime soon, so)

Secondly, I began coloring in the penup app of my new tab and doodling a little albeit rarely. This got me into training my mind into being a little patient. Maybe right now I'm patient by 4% more than I was before on an average

Thirdly, I'm chronically having headaches.

It could be me stressing out or overthinking subtle things when I let my emotions and silliness take over the rationale. Also because although im not entirely a people pleaser, i have a hard time saying no and even taking it (should seriously work on better communication)

Or inadequate sleep mostly due to my inefficiency in planning things for the day or night if I'm being specific.

I should be sleeping now so I get sufficient rest for tomorrow, but I'm typing away anyways :p

Or me studying under stress! Panicking. Worrying about my future.

Or missing home and worrying about family

Or under-hydration

Or micro nutrition deficiency cause I get fatigued after I'm out in the sun, pretty easily.

So to sum everything up, my health is getting fucked up. Mental health and physical one too.

Hence the pms and pcos.

Fourthly, I read a lot than I studied in the past few months.

Be it solo leveling to begin with.

Or subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Then recently I've read It ends with us and It starts with us.

While rn I'm binging on Omniscient reader and Eaternal Nocturnal.

Even anime wise

I've watched too many it seems

Kaguya Sama

Suzume (in theatres ✨️)

Your name (rewatch, in theatres 💫, and re-rewatch in my new tab)

Your lie in april

Garden of words

Horimiya (S1)

Demon slayer (rehabilitation arc and mugen train)

I've watched many movies too

Jailer (in theatres)

Happy days

Anand

Gharshana

Good night

(Okay not too many but yeah more than my average in the recent times)

Now it makes sense why I get all panicky before exams. I almost never touched my books because I know, I know how the next 3 and the next 3 years of my life are gonna be like, academically

Lastly, yoongi's lines from magic shop are making so much sense to me right now that I want to turn back time and just live happily with my family but this time around - Imma take care of my parents more and show my brother I love him more and not think about growing up or idolize growing up. Cause adulting is so damn not easy! And I'm not even 21 yet (will be in a few months though)

It's tiring

Taxing

Exhausting

Exasperating

You can't even blame your parents anymore (that feels morally wrong!)

[yanderes-galore]

TF2 lol Blu scout crushing on Blu medic darling is cute, how'd you write a concept for him? Like Blu Scout is almost like Darling's assistant as they practice wrapping wounds, without hurting Scout, they're like son and parent, almost until Scout's feelings start turning into love, despite Darling seeing scout as their friend

Sure! Bringing back the BLU Scout from this short, say hello again to Jez (The name of BLU Scout in my fics so Red can stay Jeremy)

Yandere! BLU Scout with BLU Medic! Darling

Pairing: Platonic (Darling)/Romantic (Scout/Jez)

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Jez is a fan name I made, Platonic relationship turned romantic, Brief mentions of poor family life, Obsession, Slight stalking, Jealousy/Possessive behavior, Delusional behavior, Forced relationship, Mentioned/Implied kidnapping, Drugging, Manipulation.

As BLU team's Medic you've always been kind, too kind at times.

The perfect counterpart to the RED team's Medic, Ludwig

Jeremy's counterpart is Jez, the BLU Scout.

You've noticed the two Scouts look eerily similar... but so do most of the counterparts.

Jez is reckless, not quite raised with self-care in mind.

But unlike Jeremy, he's kinder and not willing to hurt his darling for the most part.

Jez gets attached to you because you patch him up.

Not wanting the young merc to hurt himself... you even teach him how to wrap his own wounds.

Jez likes you for your caring personality and the fact you look after him.

You find out later during a conversation with him that it's because his father wasn't around for him all the time.

It was just him and his mother before he left for merc work.

When you offer to take Jez in as an assistant when not in battle, he's surprised.

Although... Jez quickly becomes eager to assist you around the medbay.

Jez sees you as a close friend at first.

You give him the care he yearns for and he learns some important life skills.

The bond between you is that of teacher and student, despite your ages being so similar.

Many on BLU team know how close you two are.

Although it gets annoying when in the heat of battle Jez refuses to leave your side, begging you to pocket him.

Jez loves to learn from you because it's an excuse to spend time with you.

You tell him what certain medicine does, like pain killers.

You also show him how to properly bandage wounds.

Jez looks up to you... he cares deeply about you.

A specific event has to happen to make him realize he loves you more than a friend.

Maybe you accidentally brush against him, causing his face to flare?

Maybe he sees you talk to someone else and he feels anger?

That or maybe a deep conversation makes him rethink things.

The point is something has to happen between you two for Jez to fall for you.

At first he's hesitant or even ashamed he feels this way.

Yet soon he wishes to pursue these feelings one way or another.

Jez still struggles with flirting and romance like Jeremy.

After all, Jez follows you like a lost puppy.

He tries to keep signs of his attraction subtle but others can tell.

Spy can tell that Jez looks at you like an idol.

Jez definitely pilfers through your medbay in search of something to keep or learn more about you.

He's embarrassed to ask Spy for help, but he just can't stop thinking about you.

He wants to be the best man for you!

Although... Spy sees how eager Jez is and tries to calm him down.

Something feels... wrong deep in Spy's gut.

"Okay... I want to tell 'em I love 'em. I want to know how to show dedication! Y'know... so they don't look at anyone else but me...."

"Are you sure you want to this, Scout? You may be making a mistake...."

"Mistake!? Never! I love 'em... nothing's gonna change that."

"And if they don't feel the same?"

"... they gotta. Why else would they take care of me? Why else would they show signs!?"

Jez does a lot more for you in his obsession.

He watches you when you aren't looking and is a very attentive assistant.

"Ah... I forgot something."

"Got it right here, sweetcheeks. Here!"

He loves the idea of it just being the two of you....

Jez may even be delusional, dedicated fully to the idea of being the only one for you.

He does everything he can to show you he loves you.

You see it as him being a friend... a close companion who you took in.

The moment Jez realizes his attempts at having you are fruitless... he tries other methods.

There's no longer any need to be subtle.

He confronts you alone, clinging to you in an attempt to make you feel what he feels for you.

He tries to brush against you, he spills private info to show he confides in you.

Jez prefers manipulation to get your attention.

He's still capable of violence but for the most part he just wants to use sabotage to earn your attention.

If you like someone else, he'll make up some rumor.

If you're oblivious or are attempting to reject him, he refuses to accept it.

He hates the idea of losing your attention!

Who's a better lover than him? Your assistant?

Teaching him medicines becomes dangerous as how he knows what drugs do what.

Expect either and injection or chloroform over your nose as Jez hushes you to sleep.

He doesn't like the idea of drugging you but will if he has to.

He promises to take care of you.

After all, you've taught him everything he needs to know yourself!

"I love you, baby... I promise I'll not only be the perfect assistant, but boyfriend too."

[edienotsedgwick]

Delusional Words - a collection

Limerence

I wanna fall in love with you so hard that I stop chewing my lips. 

Maybe in another life, you were a princess and I was a hopeful peasant. 

~~

I thought that I could get over you, and that this was a little phase, and that I could forget your face.

But now you notice me it’s more than just politeness. 

The tarot says, wheel of fortune, just give it a chance. 

~~ 

If I wasn’t motivated then, I’m motivated now. 

If I can’t work for myself then I’ll work for...

Your smile

Your laugh

Dancing with you in public.

Red lipstick on my cheeks. 

And maybe your hand if you let me hold it while we run through the street. 

~~

When people fall in love they want to be better. 

They’ll try to be kinder or even prettier. 

But I as a glitchgirl when I look at you, I want to be better by being functional for you. 

~~

I’ll keep my room clean if you ever stay in it. 

I’ll meet all deadlines to make sure I have time. 

I’ll save a chunk of money from every paycheck I get - though I’ve got a thing for pan au chocolats. 

When I finally see your eyes up close, I wanna be functional for you. 

~~

I would jump through my life’s flaming hoops just to be the one for you. 

Even though you don’t know what you do to me.

And even if all my work on this goes to waste - I’ll at least be happy that I was productive.

I can channel, all that same energy just in reverse in the future. 

~~ 

Do you like girls or do you just kiss your friends for photos?

~~

Do you like girls or are you just liberal with compliments?

~~

Would you still love me if I lost my canine teeth, before we’d meet?

If I spat them into my hands revealing mazes in the cavities. 

~~

Maybe you’ll love me if I can’t bite and retreat. 

If I could only eat ice cream and mashed potatoes before I sleep. 

And you wouldn’t be afraid to kiss me without canine teeth.

The soft gums are what make me me, I’m not missing a piece. 

~~

Rubbing my tooth in that groove in my nail that I cut all jagged. 

I know in theory, you’d give me your time - but I don’t know in practice if you’d feel so inclined. 

But tonight is tonight, hope the stars are aligned. 

Coming down 

~~

We cackle and banter, and we push and we pull away. Push and we pull away. 

~~

Cup my face in your hands, you say

“I’ll kiss you once, and I’ll leave you wanting more.”

So I feel the earth spin. 

What’s left of your lipstick leaves a stain.

The opposite of pain. 

But you go as soon as you come in. 

You went on your word. 

I hit the hard marble floor and you laughed as you walked away like the femme fatales from films of yesterday. 

~~

You’d touch me with a 50 foot pole, but you’d never use your hands. 

~~

I said I’d show you a gap toothed smile, and you said it’d be okay

But when I reminded you of the day, suddenly you couldn’t stay. 

~~ 

I’ve jumped back in the ocean.

Looking for the right fish, wishing I didn’t give this whole thing up. 

~~

It’s funny how the day I learned that I liked girls, was when ribbons in my mouth unfurled when I saw this one with colored curls. 

We never truly met each other, I fumbled when I followed her. 

I truly regret it all, but I understand myself much more. 

Since I got those doctors’ orders. 

~~

All the times that love has won, it’s never been with who I thought. 

Every limerent object, I laugh at my own delusion in the future. 

There’s always been a friend who’s been waiting by my side, and when the time is right we’ve kissed in the moonlight. 

[fireflykaizoku]

Law x Reader | When You Remember Me | Chapter 1

i wanted to finish it (and maybe finish posting it on wattpad) before posting here BUT i'm gonna post anyway. i also may change some stuff from the wattpad version bc i think some changes needed to be made ever since i started writing it🤷‍♀️

You were too distracted listening to music on your earphones while making your way to the bus stop after a long day of work. That day, everything was so stressful that your mind was wandering, wishing you could be at home as soon as possible.

You didn’t even pay attention to your surroundings, and by the time you realized, the car was already too close for you to have any reaction. You couldn’t even jump out of the way, find a way to escape.

Everything happened too fast and whatever happened after that was a blur. Or more like a fog, a blank. 

You opened your eyes slowly. The pounding headache and the lights made this simple task a bit difficult. It looked like you were a bit dizzy and weak. By this time, you were starting to freak out, wondering where you were and why you were there. You don’t even remember leaving your home.

— I see you’re finally awake, (Y/N). — a husky voice that seemed too far was the first thing you heard. You turned your head way too fast to look at who was talking to you, making your head hurt even more and making you flinch in pain. However, you could see a dark haired man with tattoos and piercing eyes. He looked a bit serious, and by the name tag, you could see he was Dr. Trafalgar Law. — Take it easy, you’re recovering from the accident. So don’t make any sudden movements, alright?

“Accident”? Did he just say “accident”? You took your hand to your head, only to feel bandages and seeing scratches all over your arms.

— We still need to run a few tests still. — he continued as he read what seemed to be your files. — We’ll also need to keep an eye on you for a couple of days. If everything is normal, you’ll be free to go, alright?

He waited for your answer long enough. The man moved closer, placing his hand over yours, making you move away from his touch. Why was that doctor being that intimate? You were about to push the emergency button when his words made you stop.

— Love, I know it’s scary. But you know I’m here with you. I’ll try take a couple days off to take care of you if you need, alright?

Wait, what? “Love?” What was he talking about? He was probably delusional due all the hours working, or he was thinking you were someone else. Or maybe it was his own way to talk to his patients.

— I’m sorry, doctor. — your weak voice said, trying to stay away as much as you could. — But I think you’re confused. And this is probably against the law. You as a doctor should know that the relationship between a doctor and a patient should be not more than professional. Now I want to request another doctor.

At first, Law thought you were only joking, which seemed to be a good sign for him. It was a bad moment for a joke, but it was still a good sign. A sign that you were alright even though you hit your head on the floor when you fell. But when Trafalgar noted your serious, and even angry, features, he knew it wasn’t a joke.

Apparently, things were way more serious than he was expecting.

— (Y/N), I need to know if you’re talking seriously or if you’re joking. — he got up, starting to write on a paper he was holding. — You don’t remember me?

Why should you?

— I’m sorry, doctor. Should I know who you are? — when these words left your mouth, Law tried to be rational like the doctor he was. Even though it wasn’t your fault or his faut, and even though amnesia after a concussion like yours was a possibility, it broke his heart.

It wasn’t just a joke of yours.

You didn’t remember him.

And if you didn’t remember him, it made Law wonder: what else didn’t you remember?

— Okay, we’ll run exams as soon as possible. I’ll call the nurse to bring you some food for dinner… I’ll call your family as well and… We’ll… We’ll see what we can do now. — the tattooed doctor left the room quickly.

His reaction made you worry. You knew something was very wrong, and you wouldn’t leave that hospital and go back to your normal life so soon. More than that, you were left in that room without a good answer about your situation.

The hospital food wasn’t as bad as you thought it’d be. The soup was decent, the orange juice probably wasn’t fresh, but the vanilla pudding was good enough for your taste. It seemed like an opportunity until Law came back, only to find you messing with the remote, trying to find something to watch and trying to find the remote for your bed.

The man sat by your bed and took a deep breath, still holding a notepad and a black pen.

— (Y/N), tell me, what do you remember? — you looked at him with a puzzled look. You remembered many things. — What is the last thing you remember before waking up here? — he completed.

You tilted your head and looked up trying to think. It felt like trying to force your brain to remember something specific was hurting your head somehow. Because you don’t remember anything that could lead you to the hospital. So you decided to tell what you thought were your last steps that day.

— I woke up, got ready, ate breakfast and went to work. By the time my shift was done, I had to hurry because I needed to go to college in a few minutes… — before you could finish your sentence, the man interrupted you.

— College? — he widened his eyes. Why was he that surprised? Was he thinking you couldn’t get a degree? — (Y/N), you graduated 4 years ago.

You looked at him in disbelief and then started laughing, which made your head hurt again. For a man who looked so serious, he was good at making jokes. It was probably his way to make patients feel better or something.

— You’re very funny, doctor. But no, I still have a semester left. And I should get going, because I still have homework to do. And I really need to rest, my head still feels weird.

— I’m not joking, we’re in 2022. You graduated 4 years ago. — his voice tried to sound as calm as possible, but to be honest, he was starting to freak out. Apparently, you forgot everything for the past 4 years!

Law was an amazing doctor, and rarely let any sad or extreme cases get to him, but it was you. The love of his life. Of course he’d be affected by your case.

If you don’t remember graduating, then it meant you didn’t remember meeting him a year later.