#I will miss him so much and am so sad to know that we will no longer get to see another creation from such a unique man's mind
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After years of being asked about it, I thought I'd tell the story of my peculiar name, and explain what this little logogram I started using is about.
I don't look like my name should be Sachin. South Asian folks point it out to me all the time. If you don't know, Sachin is a Sanskrit name, and I am visibly not Desi, so people are often confused. People usually ask if I'm named after Sachin Tendulkar, the famous cricket player. And for a period of time my local Indian restaurant thought I was Indian and would give me free rice! Until they found out I wasn't and stopped. Very sad day.
So why am I named Sachin if I'm not Desi?
The name my parents gave me is 十晴. Specifically my dad. My father insisted on naming me. Spent months obsessing over it. But he never gave me an English name. And on the day I was born my dad was…asleep, didn't answer the phone which rang all day, and missed the entire birth. To this day my mother tells this story whenever I miss a phone call. So, when I was born they had no idea what to put on my birth certificate.
The pinyin translation for 十晴 is Shí Qíng. But my mom didn't know pinyin. The lawyer who drew up the paperwork for my birth certificate was Indian, and when he heard 十晴, he said, 'that sounds like Sachin. I'll just put that!' And my mother, tired and alone in the hospital, in a foreign land called Flushing, Queens, said okay. And who can blame her.
And that's how I got my name. In the most arbitrary, accidental way possible. My dad, after months and months of hyper-focusing on a name, fumbled it all right at the end. I wish I could say my name was meaningful in Hànyǔ at least but, my name is very strange to Hànyǔ speakers as well.
The character 十 means 'ten' as in the number 10. And 晴 means 'clear sunny skies.' It's the kind of word a weather reporter will commonly use in the forecast. Honestly, Ten Sunny Skies sounds like a Wǔxiá character. Like Eight Flying Lotuses or Five Poison Fists, or something. Not gunna lie, I prefer this explanation.
So my dad loves to tell this joke…about how his name is too hard to write. It has so many strokes in it that when he was in school taking tests it took him so long to write his name on tests that when he was finished writing it the other students already finished taking the whole test. So, when he has a child he's going to make sure to give them the easiest name with the fewest strokes possible.
And that's where it comes from. Some dinner party joke he liked to tell friends. Thanks dad.
My name has a different meaning to me now as an adult. Over the years many people have heard my name and said, 'Do you know the story of Hòu Yì 后羿?'
An old folktale says there used to be 10 Suns. They would cycle one at a time, because there can never be more than one sun in the sky at the same time. But, one day the suns got lonely, they wanted to see each other and broke the rules. All 10 suns burned at the same time. To stop the suns from burning the entire world down Hòu Yì, the legendary archer, shot the suns out of the sky and left just one, the sun we have today.
It's a fable about doing too much, not thinking about the consequences, and literally burning out. Something I relate to more than I'd like. I burned out hard a few years ago and recovering was a long, painful journey that I never want to repeat.
In the end, the last Sun loses all their siblings and has to carry the burden alone. But, if they'd just had patience and paced themselves, there would still be 10 suns across 'Ten Sunny Skies 十晴.'
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Holy shit guys I got my first downloads for my harry potter dr 😭
(little backstory)
so Ive been at the hospital since 9pm because my girlfriend wasnt feeling well and they had us waiting in the ER for TEN fucking hours yall t. e. n. but whatever anyways so we got out at 7 am THE NEXT DAY😐 so I was tired asf on the way back home and I had a little bit of the greens if you know what I mean and I just asked myself how I felt about shifting and LET ME TELL YOU the Flow came immediately I just started talking and taking what came without thinking and I was like “I know I can shift” And that felt so true to me it made me literally so happy then I just was like im liking this flow so maybe I should try to meditate on my dr and Ive never really been able to actually meditate and really feel like im in my dr but man I WAS THERE IDC LIKE THE FLOW WAS CRAZY LIKE MAN I FELT IT ALL AND THATS LIKE MAN I LOVED IT
OKAY SO HOPEFULLY I CAN REMEMBER EVERYTHING BECAUSE IT WAS QUITE A BIT
okay first thing I was DEFINITELY sorted into the wrong house 😭 based on my personality, I definitely belong in Slytherin, which not surprised, but I wouldn’t give up being Gryffindor for the world (thats my family fr!)
next I got a download about my twin brother Jay!!! Bro literally runs the Slytherin common room along with Draco and Blaise like😭 and he’s so protective over me anytime the Slytherin password changes he tells me just in case I need to get to him if something were to happen and nobody ever says anything about me being in the common room (not to my face at least🙄) bc of the boys😭 like yes yall do your jobbb!! Protect your sister and cousin tf!
I also got a download on how I felt about my dad (Sirius) breaking out and basically just my whole feelings towards the situation as of now (when I shift) and I really have a Idgaf attitude about it i’m just trying to put the whole thing in the back of my mind and just focus (heavily) on my studies, making sure my spot on the quidditch team is still secured, and hanging out with my friends. My thought was I haven’t seen that man since I was 6 so it really has nothing to do with me, which is valid(I actually do care a bit😭.)
I got a download of Nymphadora, Harry, Ron, Neville, and Hagrid
For Nymph I just got a peak at how close we are I feel really connected to her because we are like sisters since we grow up in the same house and we are both metamorphagus
Harry is literally my ride or die bro like thats my bestfriend😭
Ron is a ride or die by default bc hes like a little brother to me😭
I LOVE NEVILLE SO MUCH HES MY BESTIE
for Hagrid I just was thinking of planning a trip with the trio to go visit him bc I missed Hargid
And lastly I got a download of my girlfriend and I and yall I am MEAN to everyone but I have the biggest soft spot for her like blaise and luna type beat like I have a soft spot for her now but its so so so much more intense in my dr 😭
Im sad I didnt get a update about Liliana and Mione 🥲
#shiftblr#reality shifting#shifting blog#shifting community#shifting#shifting diary#shifting motivation#desired reality#shifting realities#reality shift#jxdeblackhpdr#jxdeblackdownloads
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nobody look at me nobody talk to me im. I'M REALLY NOT OKAY....
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#what the...... fucm.......k......#stares at his topknot lovingly#guys...... guy... s.........#holding back the tears in my eyes#how am I supposed to be normal under these conditions#I have so much to think about now#im just. staring at him#never expected to see him again#I feel so sad and so strange#to be honest I'm not even caught up on part 2 I'm like 30 chapters behind#I just read the chapter today#so I kind of. have no idea what's going on#it's like if you were watching a random show about random people you don't know#and then suddenly. the love of your life appeared#wtf wtf this is so messed up....#I don't want to even work today.....#I missed him so much I cannot#LIKE HOW IS IT EVEN REAL#AND TO BE CONTINUED??! WE WILL GET ANOTHER FLASHBACK OF HIM#I'm. so#hayakawa family pls save me
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Something something perhaps the reason Curly lacks a truly undamaged ID where his face is visible is to represent how much damage Jimmy had already affected on him throughout their relationship and the way Curly obscured part of who he is and what he stood to unintentionally cater to this toxic influence in his life.
#I think there is something to say that most people draw post crash curly and may not have every drawn him pre crash#and I think it says something that we only really look at the characters substantially in relation to Jimmy and not their own merits#unless we are discussing how J I M M Y mischarcterizes them cause in this#since we don’t assign a face and identify to Curly’s actions outside of Jimmy until the end their is the question of how much we are viewing#them as separate entities rather than intertwined actions cause while the flipping#of who we play at shows them and parallels and in separable in terms of the story going down#they couldn’t be drastically more different in thinking and you only really realize that at the birthday scene where Curly felt the need to#take responsibility for something while Jimmy just felt the need to take#this is also more so me thinking about all the reason people think Curly and Jimmy could be friends but they are missing the point of Jimmy#and his dynamic there is nothing severely weird or sinister about Curly or his intentions it’s that he’s well meaning to a fault#he’s an average dude having a mid life crisis and Jimmy is a guy that takes advantage of good intentions like the idea#that curly has to be like Jimmy in some way personality humor morally is the exact sort of projection Jimmy wants#to happen and does like it’s the sad and real case that sometimes people just have friends like Jimmy that they can’t cut off for one reason#or another like it’s not highly philosophical people are friends with objective assholes but it’s less about them#and more about the person feeling some obligation to stay like I feel like crafting him into#being more morally grey is to just make it easier to be angrier or think someone with more of a backbone#could of done something but it’s not even that he was spineless he was just too distracted and sometimes that feel like cowardice like even#Swansea waited it’s just the sad truth of how people avoid people like Jimmy or setting them off#sometimes it just does more harm than good I just am so bored with all the takes#acting like there was a perfect man on that ship and that any one outside of Anya knew the exact type of guy Jimmy#was from the get go like the point is other men wouldn’t in rape culture but women and their victims already know#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#throwing rocks at Jimmy
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"You're here eating SOUP?! I just fought my way through the stinkiest, dirtiest, coldest giants to find you, and you are here eating soup. Behen, I am going to scream."
Marvel Voices Infinity Comic #77
#he's so pathetic and sad looking#love that for him. he is official a wet beast#he can even be held in one hand!!! very tiny man material#his little squinty tired eyes..... they are everything to me........#(the diamond-shaped lenses tho..... you can't fool me)#sorry i am suffering from comic pavitr withdrawal for like the thirtieth time this week#you will see this loser. you must.#pavitr prabhakar#spider man india#marvel comics#spider man#“behen” translates to sister/sister in law ig but i don't speak hindi so i wouldn't know#i miss him already marvel give him another book or i will break in myself please. please i beg of you. give him More. eye need more#please why wont marvel hire the pavitr fanfic writers!!!!!!!!!!! we can do so so soooo much good for the world....... please...............#screaming forever. it's over. he won't come back i just know it#agnirambles
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I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling
#I'm sorry to say that despite what I expected I think the dread wolf might be going down violently on my first run???#not because *I* love solas any less but because of who rye is and some of the twists I know happen down the line#which does make for a neat thing b/c I meant to play the crow I'm going with second as initially incredibly hostile#and then growing to feel for him and redeeming him at the end.#so if rye starts out very reasonable and sympathetic and then is brought to 'haha. no. fuck you forever for that in particular' at the end#...a pleasing cosmic symmetry in it I must admit. perfect and also makes me feel a bit sick#I'll try to put together something coherent eventually but for now#it's sort of a 'my name is ellaryen ingellvar you killed the guy#that my brain went 'close enough welcome back beloved and much missed deceased father figure' over. prepare to despair and die'#I think just the killing part might not have done it but everything that comes after? rye is a chill guy until he finally decides#that enough is fucking *enough*. and that was the most enough of all time for them#it also explains rye's accent (one of his primary caregivers growing up was a dwarf)! so many birds with one stone here#also I am so fucking sad now and I did it entirely to myself. I love fiction I love games (embarassingly genuine)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: ellaryen ingellvar#thank god that the romanced solas playthrough is the second one tho that does make things less dire haha#adaar would have given it the good old college try to get solas to change his mind right to the end I think#but even his capable hands and politician's mind could not hold back the sheer beware the fury of a patient man storm#that is about to hit solas for the shit he just pulled. I think rye and solas are -- as it turns out -- TOO alike in many ways#...solas buddy I'm so sorry I'll come back for you on the second playthrough and make it right I swear fhsak#it's just that a second dead dwarf dad has joined the chat to haunt the narrative (and this time it's fucking personal frfr)#it's almost scary how quick I've gotten attached to my rook tho. I've waited A DECADE to save this bald elf man from himself#and then rye shows up with steel in his normally kind eyes going 'no. I want that fucker *dead*'. and I just go anything for you babyboy#I'll see what we can do. unspeakable stuff
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#I'm so sad#He was truly such an inspirational filmmaker and artist in general to me#His work is so important to me as a filmmaker and I feel like I constantly learn new things from it ever time I revisit it#His memoir also had a huge impact on me as well#If you've never read it I highly suggest the audio book as he narrates it himself and adds more too it as he does#He's a filmmaker who truly makes me feel like I can make any of my passion projects and it's okay if it takes me 10 years to do it#Eraser Head took him 5 years to make and he did it with no real budget or anything just a#vision and a dream~#I will miss him so much and am so sad to know that we will no longer get to see another creation from such a unique man's mind#David Lynch#This is important to me so I'm gonna tag it with my tag for when I ramble#Sophia talks too much
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my brother can make me laugh without moving at all. he can make me laugh on command, just by existing, and there is no physical tell or indication that it is about to happen. it’s like he can will me to laugh and i will. of course we’re not telepathic, but we do speak in unison sometimes. we improvise like no one’s business. we could fool anyone into believing we are psychically linked. when i try to explain it, i sound silly saying it out loud, but i really CAN tell what he’s thinking. we exchange so much information just with a look. he can make me cry laughing and he doesn’t even have to move
#i miss him so much i need him back i need him to live next to me again. i need to mooch off his wifi from my porch and invite him over#i miss him so much.#he’s only 2 minutes younger but he feels years younger. and yet i think we’re two halves of one soul#i’ve always babied him not even in a mean or diminishing way but i felt this need to protect him#because he tends to be so naive and so shy#but. i am so proud of him. i need to show him off to everyone and i need everyone to understand how funny and charming he is#it feels like i grew up and left him where he will remain 11 forever. i miss him more than moving back home can fix#i miss him in ways that have nothing to do with the distance between our locations#but. it would certainly help to be able to see him every day#i keep smelling the carpet in his room and it’s so vivid. i remember the countless hours we spent developing huge wood block cities#and we would drive hot wheels over the wooden raceways we had made. we were actually quite coordinated and autistic about it#we were always building things together#just recently me and him talked on the phone about an old mlp au we came up with. all original characters and shit#it was super extensive and very clever#i STILL think it would make a really cool book series or something#i remember watching him play army men RTS gamecube on the wii. i STILL listen to the soundtrack to that game like…. daily#i remember walking into my room once where he was watching a show. and he was crying#and he NEVER cries over tv#but he was crying because his favorite character had resigned from the organization that the series was based around#and he was so distraught that she was leaving.#i remember when all 3 of us slept in one room. i remember when me and him were in bunk beds across the room#and we would sneak out of bed right as the parents left and stayed up playing by the light of the nightlight#the way we raced back into bed when the parents were approaching 😭#my mom always says she’s sad that i seem to remember so little of my life. like every story of my youth is news to me lmao#but i feel like i remember the most important parts? i think so#i remember how mom woke me up in the night to ask me to roll over because my bro could see my face from where he was sleeping#and he was scared because there was a weird shadow cast on my face that made it look like a skull which was making it hard for him to sleep#it was. so funny. i begrudgingly rolled over#i don’t know. it’s just that there isn’t a single instance i bring up that my brother does not also remember.#no matter how tiny or specific. we shared everything growing up
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I actually have a fic idea but lc is a show that's like. you will never ever have all the information and context until the end. and I am a writer who writes best and more confidently when I have all the info and context at my fingertips. so now I'm just like 🧍♂️
anyway. ramble in the tags
#mine musings#not tagging etc etc#it's an AU so it shouldn't even matter actually. but. whatever. i'll still try to write it. it'll take a while#it's more like character exploration anyway. a role reversal (my favorite kind of au)#i.e. what would the emma case look like if cxs is the one who keeps timelooping to save lg?#it's not a power swap or personality swap so i think it'll be an interesting exploration of the limits of their personalities#for example: in this au i think lg is still protective of cxs and acts as the guide. but he's closer to og!timeline lg#so i'm thinking that he's still very principled but perhaps less strict about doing small deviations from the timeline#cxs is still empathetic and reckless and i think that would actually get worse in a timelooping cxs#since he's the possessor he rationalizes to himself that he gets to shield lg from the messy parts of an operation#and how this self-matyrdom pulls at the fragile trust they have. because their partnership is never equal when someone is timelooping#i'm thinking in like the emma case this all comes to a head when emma gets the text from her parents#in S1 lg tells him “it's better not to look”#i think in this au. cxs would have already honed his acting skills and be like “lg. does she check the phone?”#and lg who is protective but a little naive and not as strict with rules is like#cxs looks so sad :( he's been missing his parents lately :( emma doesn't see the text until tomorrow but...#this probably won't change the timeline too much... right? i think cxs needs to feel loved right now :) “yes she checks her phone”#and cxs is like “... are you sure?”#lg: “yes i'm sure”#and then post-dive cxs finds out emma dies but he doesn't tell lg :) he just keeps it to himself :)#bc it's his job to handle all the messy parts :) like the emotions of their clients. their regrets and obsessions. their fates#in his mind. the more lg knows the more he tries to sacrifice himself to save cxs. so it's important that lg is kept in the dark#something something actor/scriptwriter metaphors idk still working on the idea#just. role reversal shiguang... cxs who keeps timelooping bc he has abandonment issues so he can't handle lg dying...#lg basically is like 9S from nier automata who always dooms himself by learning the truth#this could've been a read more instead of a tag essay i'm sorry. i keep forgetting that feature. i am a yapper in the tags#cxs after dragging lg out for dinner so he doesn't catch the news: “hey lg. we followed the script to a tee right?”#“i didn't forget any lines or anything?”#lg (confused) (lying): “yes. aside from getting the financial data part. we did everything right.”#cxs: “okay 😊 i trust you 😊 past or future let them be”
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bengals win today yes?
#manifestation post 😊🙏#RIGHT#against a team with a winning streak#🤠#We Shall See#playoffs seem very impossible i can't lie lmaoooo but honestly i just want to see them Play Their Best and idk have fun#last home game this season!! and possible Last Home Game Ever for Some People apparently or whatever#i don't want to know ok. fuck that. fuck that endlessly.#so please win <3 i believe in you bengals i love you <3#insane passing and receiving yards!! insane touchdowns!!! insane passer rating!!!! insane receptions!!!!!!!#break bengals recordssssss#defense step the fuck upppp offense you're going against a savant of a defense is what I'm hearing here apparently lmao so just idk#do your best 😭👍 have fun#to be Honest i don't expect much 😭 because again. savant of a defense. holy shit. and rain?? BUT WHATEVER WE BALLLLLLL#bengals defense 👉👈 time to prove it isn’t just a minute thing okay? okay.#defense when i tell u u need to stop a run game u need to stop a run game genuinely why can’t you tackle. how. how the fuck.#god two more games im so sad 😔#no but really i read the what to watch article and just broke down a bit i genuinely don’t know what to expect#(also look at joes tongue poking out as he reaches out a pinky to ja’marr 😀 ok.)#is it too much too ask for a 60+ td from ja’marr ehehe#like ik its supposed to rain (oh boy) and he’s going against ps2 (oh boy) but i miss it#miss him 😔#anyway did u know mims my beloved favorite child mims is going to play through a broken hand. golly 🤠 and objs back!!!!#just keep everyone healthy i beg#i hope we get a pick six too lmaooooo am i really asking for too much for the last home game of the season against a team with such good#stats and players and with the probability of rain (?) am i really am i. am i.#im so anxious im sorry 😭#anyway hope joe keeps his streak going chase and geno too lol and ja'marr gets to break the rec and td record etc etc bengals win ilu
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#seriously seriously one of the most beautiful pieces of music i have ever heard#i feel so conflicted thinking about this but i was always afraid to get more into shinee because of jonghyun#i remember the exact day he died when i was in high school and i remember feeling slammed with the news even though he was just guy from...#...clue + note to me and as i have gotten more into kpop in the past few years i have been there for all of shinee's comebacks from don't...#...call me on and i always kept them at a distance bc even though i thought they seemed so cool i was worried to get into them and always...#...feel like someone was missing. and now that my little sister has gotten so into them i have too#and it does feel like someone is missing all of the time and we watch so much content of jonghyun together that sometimes it hits me all...#...over again how unreal and bad it is that he isn't in the world with us anymore#i am so sad too thinking about how i almost didn't hear some of the most beautiful music out of the fear of grieving him#one of the most beautiful voices and i click with his words so so much#like he's my friend and i almost never got to know him :( and that thought it so much worse than the worry of having to miss him :(#it also makes me sick bc if it would have changed anything for him at all. he's still making so many people happy. he's still there for me.#i don't get this emotional every time i listen to him but sometimes it all hits me#music#Spotify
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I MISS MY BOYFRIEND AAAAAAH! AHHH!! horrors of having the most fucked up college and work schedules and cursed w health problems the both of us
#was gonna go this weekend but he has a thing and i could still go but. i slept a LOT yesterday and today i have so much work it's just not#going to be fun if i go and he goes out and im doing work at his house. miss him soooooo fuckig bad tho :( where are my kissies.#i am in dire dire need of kissies.#its also to a point where i fucking ADORE his stepbrother and miss him a lil too. m you're one of the girls and the gays to me#my god. he could be better but he's also shockingly well-adjusted given. the way that his dad is.#we r the only two people in the family who know that he experimented w guys and. silly but very sad he loves 'teenage girl movies'#i NEED to watch mean girls with him and also supernatural and i need to very carefully watch his expression when dean does anything#meaning that im not 100% sold on him not being bi. he told us he doesnt think anything is wrong w gay people in the quietest voice#im gonna kill! his! dad!#his one glaring issue is we think we have a pass to say SEVERAL words and won't listen on 'you're gonna get beat up' but i digress.
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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.
#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now#and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help#if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour#though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving#blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing#and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it#ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much#but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive#uggghhh#I’m too emotional#time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this#I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby#IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point#it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important#text
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Because the week wasn't sad enough, there had to be a new Lenny interview that broke my heart a lot more. 🥺😭🥲
youtube
#the whole part about vova and olena NO I AM NOT OKAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it breaks my heart so much that besides irina olena hasn't been able to see any of her friends/second fam#vova at least saw sasha and zheka#and how you can hear the tears in lennys voice while she talks about vova and olena 😭😭😭#how heavy and broken her heart is for their family 😭😭😭#THAT PART ABOUT HUGGING HIM FOREVER WHEN SHE SEES THEM AGAIN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#NOT LETTING THEM GO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and how she says she misses her old life/past and sometimes watches the video and cries 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔#and we have a new statement about kvartal#now its “im gone forever” again 🥺🥺🥺🥺💔💔💔💔#shes in touch with the fam rarely but she is#she left in fall 2022 because she started the other project and couldn't do both at the same time#also she wanted to do something independently#the fam was okay with her decision#and she doesnt plan to return 🥺💔🥺💔🥺💔🥺💔🥺💔#i still have the hope that in some years after the war and she healed she might rethink her decision and does come back#based on this and other interviews i think on of the reasons she left was the war and the situation with her best friends#she thinks about vova and olena every day 😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔#and how sad olena is that she no longer knows anything about the children 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#one more thing about her not returning#i think the way she said it is interesting#its no longer a break#so my guess is it really was a break in the beginning and she thought about coming back (see also what zheka said about it)#but now changed her mind 🥺💔#im still not over the part that she thinks about them every day#lenny is worried about them every day 😭😭😭#and she cant even imagine the burden and pressure and horror that is on their family 💔💔💔#also the hugging them both and not letting them go hugging forever 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
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I don’t often think I’m upset at not having a good relationship with my parents but sometimes it really fucking hits me that I don’t have a good mom I don’t have a dad I’ll never experience having a good parent and someone I can lean on like that and I get… really upset
#I have this coworker who is about my mom’s age#I love her and she’s a wonderful person and she’s such a good parent to her kids#her autistic queer kids and she fights for them and defends them all the time#she values their interests and does things they love with them and supports their choices and jusy#ugh#today she gave me a hug because ‘it’s really seemed like I wasn’t doing okay’#and ‘I’ve been dealing with a lot of hard things and big life changes which she knows is really hard’#and I kinda teared up#my own parents don’t even know about everything that has happened with my roommate or the friends I’ve lost this year#I don’t tell them. and I could but it wouldn’t matter#my mother wouldn’t care. she definitely wouldn’t sympathize or give me a hug over it#she wouldn’t comfort me#my dad my try but he lives thousands of miles away#and I love my dad but I didn’t get to know him until I was 17#I don’t think he’s really like… a dad you know?#he’s more like some weird friend or MAYBE an uncle than anything#which is fine! I think it’s really the best we can do and like I said I do love him and I know he loves me#but it’s still… different than a parent you know?#and sometimes I just ache knowing I don’t get parents…#I don’t get that relationship that so many ppl have that’s so important to them#and it just doesn’t feel fair and makes me feel really sad#I’m glad I’m as independent as I am but even that doesn’t feel fair#I’ve lived on my own since I was 17…. I never should have had to do that anyways….#and I just feel sad because I got a hug from my coworker that made me want to sob#because it’s like damn… is this a teeny tiny taste of what having an actual good mom is like?#I missed out on so much….#kaz rambles
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If you had to choose between banging Aoki and banging Mine, which would you bang?
oh you're all gonna hate me
#these tags are vile dont look in here#snap chats#anyway aoki SORRY#the question of 'who and who not to bang' is a scientific one we have to look at the pros and cons#just feels illegal to want to fuck mine. daigo should be the only one fucking him and vice versa like im not a homewrecker#i am a hole wrecker tho and aoki's free real estate Move Over Im Bouta Get It#it'll be like the fourth time i mentioned it but masato and aoki's fuckability ranges and it's really funny#like masato is fuckable Because He's Fuckable like. he's just attractive Period#aoki's not ugly at all but he doesn't have the same appeal but he does have appeal to my ill brain#like it was the moment i saw him stomp his foot when he missed an attack and throw a fit that i was like 'oh no i have to fuck him'#LIKE ITS SO FUNNY AND PATHETIC LIKE i just know hed cry#not even an attraction thing just solely like. i cant even explain it#im in psychology rn and they are not telling me why i would fuck a character who is not fuckable. Sad!#not to say he doesnt have his cunty moments too like tbh SOMETIMES. i did play this game and go Eyo#sorry everyone the cats out of the bag id fuck the governor#i dont htink it was that much of a secret LMAOOOOOO#sorry.
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