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keanureevesisbae · 4 years ago

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So Henry, you want to start a YouTube channel? - Prologue

Summary: Twenty five year old YouTuber Sandy Choi has no idea that one of her five million subscribers is the one and only Henry Cavill. When he asks her to help him out with starting his own YouTube channel, she falls more and more in love with her. But she should’ve known that dating one of the most desirable bachelors, does come with a prize.

Henry Cavill x Sandy Choi (ofc)

A/N: What does one do when finding a new obsession with a celebrity? In my case, you write a fanfic series about it... and create an entire YouTuber including a channel introduction. Oops. If you want to be on the taglist for this one (I figure the people on my taglist for Keanu Reeves stories don’t want to be included on this one - if i figured wrong, let me know), please tell me and I’ll add you on it.

Wordcount: 1.3k

Masterlist // Channel introduction // Chapter 1

It has been about three months since Henry Cavill stumbled upon Sandy Choi’s YouTube channel and he is thanking the YouTube algorithms every single day for recommending it to him. He was surprised that he never heard about her before, since her channel is pretty big and well known, but maybe he is too old to keep up to date with YouTubers nowadays.

He binge watched her videos, watching clips from her from three years ago when she started her channel. Seeing her grow from a twenty two year old college student, to a successful YouTuber and young adult author, impresses Henry. He felt like he didn’t have his life together at that age at all and she seems so at ease. She has achieved great thing so far and watching her vlogs, helps him take his mind off his own life and the stress that sometimes comes with it.

He has a YouTube account, but only uses it to be subscribed to her channel and liking her videos. He doesn’t want to miss any of her updates on her channel. Henry is plopped on his couch, cuddling with Kal when he gets a notification.

Sandy Choi has uploaded a new video. Without thinking twice he opens the YouTube app on his iPad. He shouldn’t be this obsessed with a twenty five year old YouTuber, but it’s something about her aesthetic, about her calm way of talking and how she takes the viewers with her. It’s like being there with her and God, does he want to spend some time with her, even if she is just editing a new video, her book or is taking them with her during photoshoots.

The video loads and he gives it a thumbs up before the video has even started. Kal places his head on Henry’s lap, sighing deeply, as if the big fur ball knows that his owner will not give him any attention for the next fifteen minutes.

The slow song fills his living room, as he watches her introduction. They’re all snippets of today’s vlog, since he has never seen the footage before. Seeing her smiling in the camera, makes his heart flutter.

He feels like a teenager again, with the way he has this permanent grin plastered on his face, every time she posts things and he watches the entire video.

‘It’s the first of July,’ Sandy says, as she is sitting in front of her mirror, trying to fix her hair. Her make-up is all set and done. It’s very minimal, like usual, but with a brighter pink lipstick. ‘And that means in three days it’s the Fourth of July and I won’t be spending it in LA.’

Henry looks at his phone, to see that this was filmed two days ago. With the lighting speed she edits, he often wonders if she has some sort of magic powers.

‘It’s pretty weird actually,’ Sandy continues, ‘not to spend time with family on the Fourth. I moved here about seven months ago and ever since I stepped a foot in London, my parents have been sending me some serious threats about how I should fly back to LA on the Fourth of July. My birthday, Thanksgiving, they don’t care about that, weirdly enough.’

Henry lives in London, but he has yet to bump into her. He recognizes the places she visits and when he visits them, he never sees her, though he keeps his eyes out, praying for her to be there. God, he wishes he would just bump into her, though he has no idea what to say to her. Hi there, I’m Henry Cavill and I’m obsessed with your videos? He’ll probably scare her away.

He watches the entire vlog intently, as Sandy is taking the viewers with her for a stroll in the park, a nice cafe that he now wants to visit and eventually she goes to the dance studio.

She is a great dancer and he sometimes wonders why she’s not doing anything with it. The way she moves her slender body and knows how to control it, is absolutely mesmerizing. She posted a few dance covers on her channel, but she’s always alone. Never dancing with someone. He wonders if she comes up with these dances herself, whether or not she is free styling.

The video is almost over, yet he doesn’t want it to be over. She could make vlogs that are twenty four hours long, and he would watch it in one sitting. She’s crouched down in front of the camera, still in the dance studio, while she pulls out her hair tie, letting her long dark brown locks fall over her shoulders. ‘So,’ she says with a soft smile, ‘I’m sorry today was a pretty boring day. It’s just that I have been spending so much time editing my newest novel, that I just couldn’t read the last two chapters anymore, so I’ll be doing that tomorrow or later this week. I work ahead of schedule anyway, so I have some leverage. I just wanted to get a nice and quiet day in, so I’m going home now and maybe rewatch something on Netflix. I’m not in the mood for something new, since I have to focus on understanding the story, you know, so I think the Witcher will do for now. Haven’t had my fair share of Henry Cavill today.’

Henry can’t seem to focus on the last part of the vlog, where she wishes everyone a good day and the outro starts. She is going to rewatch the Witcher? Meaning, she has already watched it? She hasn’t had her fair share of him today?

What does that even mean?

And the way she said his name, he is going to die if he would rewatch that part.

Someone calls him and he picks up without looking. ‘Yeah?’ he says when he answers the phone, still living a bit on cloud nine.

‘For the love of God, man, you’re getting more and more impersonal every time I call,’ he hears his friend Jackson say from the other end of the line. ‘Where the fuck are you, man? We were supposed to meet each other like five minutes ago.’

Henry jumps up from his couch. ‘Crap, I forgot.’

‘Figured.’

‘I’ll be there in a second.’ He storms to the hallway, to find his running shoes, but he has to walk upstairs for them.

‘You’re always on time. What happened today?’

‘I was watching something.’

Jackson starts to laugh from the other side of the line. ‘Let me guess: a certain someone uploaded her newest vlog? Does her name start with an S and end with andy Choi?’

‘Very funny.’ Jackson was never supposed to find out about this guilty pleasure of his, but somehow Jackson did find out, like he always does. Sometimes Henry hates his friend, since he can read him way too well and pesters him afterwards.

‘Well, hope it was worth it,’ Jackson says. Henry can hear the smile in his voice and that means that he is going to mention this during their entire run.

Henry rushes outside after he slipped on his running shoes. ‘It was totally worth it,’ he says. Knowing he’ll tell Jackson anyways, he adds: ‘She said my name, you know.’

‘Shut up.’

‘I’m not,’ Henry says with a smile.

‘She honest to God said your name?’

‘Yeah and she is rewatching the Witcher.’ Henry can’t seem to get the permanent grin off his face. He hears her say it over and over in his head, visualizing it with the lovely smile on her face.

‘You need to fucking grow some balls, follow her on Instagram and slide into her DM’s. Everyone does that nowadays.’

‘I’m not going to do that.’

‘No, what you are going to do is bother me with questions like: “Why is she so pretty?” and “When am I going to run into her?”. Like I can answer those. It’s obvious that she is simply rewatching the Witcher because of the way you look. Everyone on earth is into you, why wouldn’t she?’

Henry clears his throat, before he says: ‘See you in three minutes.’

Taglist: @flhorah

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #so henry you want to start a youtube channel #henry cavill x Sandy choi #getting obsessed with henry cavill

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letsperaltiago · 5 years ago

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i love you and i like you

Based on @stars-my-darling's adorable post:

“When Mac starts talking he will sometimes just randomly tell Amy that he loves her, usually at the end of an unrelated sentence. They later realise that he learnt to do this because Jake is always randomly telling Amy that he loves her and Mac is copying him." aka. 5 times toddler Mac Santiago-Peralta tells his mommy he loves her

Also includes prompt #101 from the 101 fluffy prompts-list: "…They just grow up so fast."

Read on ao3

Every like and reblog is appreciated <3

Amy Santiago has so far had a lifetime’s worth of great jobs, which, she knows, isn’t that hard when you love work and everything it implies. Everything from assisting her middle school’s librarian to that brief job at a small uptown museum her degree got her to being a respected sergeant in the NYPD. She’s loved every single job but, she’s now come to realise, nothing vill ever beat her most recent employment: Motherhood. With a capital M, yes.

Mac throws her and Jake’s worlds over like the tiny miracle of a storm he is and they’ve never looked back since. It’s brand new, it’s exciting, it’s scary, and though they’re not exactly religious, he’s the answer to their prayers. Parenthood turns out to be nothing like what they’d expected, like nothing they’d ever tried before and looking past some of the rough days, which are inevitable, it’s actually even better. They get to shape and watch a human grow; a human of which they’re both the genesis and they couldn’t be any more proud - both of each other but also their son.

Everything Mac does and achieves is a moment to remember, and they take nothing for granted: every new sound, even simple gurgles, every new movement, even the flick of a tiny finger? They beam, look at each other with wide, joyous eyes and celebrate their newborn addition to their little family. They hold on to everything they can, while they can although, they swear, every other day they’ll be lying in bed with him while he sleeps or watch him begin to explore their apartment on his own and they’ll take turns breaking the comfortable silence with what they’re both thinking:

“They just grow up so fast.”

Even if he’s merely grown a tenth of an inch since the last time they brought it up.

This fact aside, before they know it, their before so very tiny and helpless son can sit without assistance, sooner than later starts crawling and before they seem to have the time to catch up with the ladder he suddenly knows how to say “mama” and “dada” - and the day Mac takes his first steps, Amy filming on her phone while Jake is squatting to entice his son? Both parents guiltlessly shed a tiny tear rewatching the video that night after their little one, who suddenly seems so big, is put to bed.

With the walking comes the talking. Mac, like his dad, is an entertainer and seizes every chance he gets to chat with his parents, and anyone else who’ll listen for that matter, and hopefully make them laugh. Amy quickly sees through the fact that her son’s mannerism is definitely inspired by her husband’s, and Amy’s heart swells at every glimt of it: everything from Mac’s tiny ‘big dramatic movements’ to him attempting to crack small jokes (that sometimes are actually super funny but also mostly make people laugh because his delivery is beyond precious). Despite the fact that his personality is absolutely a solid blend of both parents, Jake’s genes definitely conquer everything else, and Amy doesn’t mind one bit. Although she could do without the short, Peralta-inspired attention span, which can be both very cute but also slightly maddening when you’ve told your barely 3-year old toddler 6 times to finish their meal meanwhile he’s to preoccupied by his father cleaning up the water said toddler spilled just seconds ago.

All in all, Mac is a copy of Jake, and in more ways that one Amy is grateful. Especially when the little boy starts getting a grasp of the word ‘love’ and what it actually means though his parents have showered him with it since before he was born. Jake and Amy will tell Mac ‘I love you’ on the daily and, besides this, his parents themselves aren’t exactly shy of telling each other, especially Jake who often tends to do it out of nowhere or any kind of context which the boy must’ve picked up on at some point.

It starts off quite naturally: the first time he says it.

One night after getting him washed down and put into his favorite firetruck-print pyjamas (the parents couldn’t deny him it even though they were far from thrilled), Amy’s sitting with Mac in his new so-called ‘big boy-bed’. Feeling her son’s curly-haired head nestled into her chest, one hand grabbing onto the fabric of her shirt while the other holds onto his best buddy Leo the Lion, Amy reads out loud from one of the many books she’s managed to accumulate for her son. Obviously worn out from the day Mac, as being almost 3 is very exhausting, stays silent and listens carefully to the sound of his mother’s voice, dutifully paying attention to the book’s colourful drawings and even sometimes pointing at them whenever Amy reaches a part of the story that’s been illustrated.

“Then the little puppy ran through the big big field and the big big forest to get back home-“

“Shee, Mommy,” Mac interrupts her with a lisp caused by the pacifier hanging from one corner of his mouth and points to the drawing of the running dog with his index finger. “Doggy runth!”

“Yeah, I see, baby,” she smiles before pecking the top of his head. Normally she’d ask him to remove his pacifier when he speaks. Her and Jake slowly trying to make the object something Mac knows he can use to relax rather than constantly needs, but when it’s this late and right before bedtime Amy can’t be bothered to reprimand him. For now she’s just proud of her tiny, smart guy. “Where is he running?” She pulls back to look at him, encouraging him to explain further.

“He’sh going home!” he smiles proudly to a point where his pacifier almost falls out, just barely clinging on for dear life.

“That’s right. He’s running home to his family - good job,” she chuckles sending him one last smile before skimming her wristwatch quickly realising bedtime is just minutes away. It’s not that they’re following a strict schedule that depends on every single minute and second of the day: something she’s actually glad Jake’s and his more laid-back lifestyle has transferred to their parenting-style. Although Mac, his parents have come to find out, will reach a point during the evening where it’ll be too late and he becomes overtired and impossible. Therefor 8 PM is the ultimate limit (on weekdays, that is) and Amy sees it quickly approaching so she quickly finishes up their story and shuts the book closed.

“That’s it for today, Mr. Mac. Time to visit dreamland,” simply not able to resist the feel and smell of her son’s newly washed curls, she places another kiss to the top of his head before climbing out of the small bed and hears him reply with a yawn which tells her that she’s probably timed bedtime perfectly. To the great delight of the now also tired mother (a high rank full-time job and a toddler will do that to you) she’s once more proved right when Mac gets under the covers without a trace of fight.

“Roshie?” he looks up at his mother with worried eyes as he hugs Leo the Lion a bit tighter. Those stupid beautiful brown eyes he’s inherited from Jake.

“Oh,” Amy kneels down to the bed’s side and starts running her hand all over the duvet, mattress and bed-frame. “Where’s Rosie, bud?”

Rosie aka. the pink unicorn he’d gotten from auntie Roro back when he was still a tiny baby (though he’d always be Amy’s tiny baby) was missing and they both knew very well that there would be no sleeping without it. Suddenly her hand comes across a bump, to her relief revealing the stuffed animal once she lifts up the duvet.

“Yay, mommy!” her son smiles as if she’s cracked the mystery of the century and Amy can’t help but feel just a bit proud - anything she does that makes her boy happy will do that to her.

“There you go,” she smiles and places the unicorn in his arms right next to Leo the Lion. “All good, Mr. Mac?”

He nods profoundly, eyes suddenly clearly tired and droopy, which earns him a warm smile from his mother before she leans in and kisses his forehead tenderly, all at once running her hand fingers his curls as to get her one last fix for the day. Incredible how your child can become somehow addicting.

“Sleep well. I love you,” she pulls back to take him in, the declaration of love hanging in the air for a few seconds before, taking Amy by surprise, her son answers her.

“I wuv you.”

She knows ‘love’ is an abstract feeling that a toddler can’t really comprehend and isolate as an emotion, which is probably also why Mac’s never said it back before, and although she’s told him a million times before and has never awaited or needed an answer, him saying it back definitely throws her off in the most magical, proud, emotional way in a long time. She’s constantly proud of the little things he does on the daily, slowly becoming a tiny actual human with opinions and a personality, but this is a whole new level.

“Thank you for saying that,” she can feel tears forming in her eyes and throat, but doesn’t want to confuse the small child who’s just begun to understand ‘love’, and therefor doesn’t also need to be explained that crying can also be a sign of happiness. That is an oxymoron that will surely just confuse him when, currently, crying is Mac’s way of expressing and understanding sadness and anger.

“That was very sweet of you and I love you so so much too, baby,” she manages to say it one last time, without breaking, before getting up to turn on his tiny night light and leave. “Me and daddy will be just down the hall watching TV, okay?”

A slight movement from beneath the duvet lets her know he’s heard her before she allows herself to half-close the door and walk back to where Jake is cleaning up after dinner. There she is finally able to let out a few soft cries as she lets her husband in on the small, incredible moment she’s just had with their son. Of course, it instantly makes Jake feel like crying with joy too. Their baby is surely the best.

From there on it’s just one big mess of declarations, at the most random moments and Amy is very amused but also even more enamoured.

One night Jake is away on a stakeout which leaves Amy is home alone with Mac, and to the toddlers immense joy this means he’s allowed to sleep with his mom in her and dad’s enormous bed. Jake has told him to keep mommy safe while he’s gone and of course takes this task very seriously. It’s 3 AM, they’re both fast asleep when suddenly Amy is awoken by what seems to be quite some new weight on top of her chest.

“Mommy,” promptly breaks the silence slowly bringing Amy back to consciousness.

It takes her a second to collect herself but she instinctually reaches out to figure out exactly where her son is in the dark. It’s quickly clear that he’s stretched out stomach down across her chest. “Yes, baby?” she mumbles tiredly eyes still closed hoping that her son is just being restless and will go back to sleep.

“I need pee.”

“Oh.”

This, with a power that almost no other request from her son holds, immediately dawns upon and takes over her body pushing her to sit up. Mac is pretty much fully potty trained but only day-wise. During the night he still uses a diaper, and they’ve only just recently started easing him into the night-potty by telling him it’s an option. The boy showing initiative himself is an absolutely great start and even more importantly an opportunity she won’t let slip by.

“You wanna go use the potty?” she looks at him to make sure and he immediately nods. “Okay, lets go then.”

And so they scurry out of bed and make their way across the hall to the bathroom, hand in hand in the darkness, where once the light is turned on Mac’s potty awaits him.

With a bit of help from mommy, he pulls down his pyjamas pants and diaper before getting settled on the potty. There’s no hiding the fact that they’re both very tired, especially Mac whose head hangs a bit, almost asleep while giving in to his body’s need for relief while Amy sits dutifully on the floor besides him.

“Good job telling me, Mac,” she praises, smiling tiredly but the little boy is too tired to even react.

They stay like this for a while, in silence, Amy not wanting to interrupt a probably concentrated Mac, when suddenly he, to her surprise, is the one to break the silence.

“I’m peeing and I love you, mommy,” he mumbles tiredly almost fully asleep right there on the potty, messy curls hanging in whatever which way gravity will allow.

Then, as if she’d never been tired, asleep, woken up and feeling exhausted, Amy’s body rises to a much higher level of awareness. Warmth, one that completely makes her forget about the bathroom floor’s cold tiles, spreads throughout her entire being and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was currently trying to pee, Amy would’ve pulled him into the tightest hug right there. But she doesn’t, of course, and instead settles for a gleaming smile.

“Mommy loves you too, honey,” He’s her very own bedhead, she thinks to herself lovingly running a hand through his hair. “And I’m so proud of you for waking me up to go potty.”

It’s very faint, too tired to put much effort into it but there’s definitely a small smile growing on her son’s face, When he falls asleep on top of her chest a bit later after he’s done and has been put into a clean diaper, just to be safe, the smile is still there, Amy can tell even in the dark.

Another occasion, it’s safe to say, happens when Amy leasts expects it. They’re running on ‘tantrum from hell: hour who-even-knows-anymore’, this time triggered by the banal fact that, no, Mac wasn’t allowed to play with the big knife Jake had been using to cut vegetables for their dinner.

Everyone has their bad days, the parents are well aware, but this one of Mac’s was particularly bad. All day, from the minute he woke up and went straight to the living room instead of joining his parents in their bad, he’d been extra fussy thereby not feeling content with whichever way his parents tried to fix his mood. They’d been understandable and gone easy on him all day, hopelessly trying to please him while also not just giving in to his unreasonable demands. It appeared that this was very a fine line to walk, and so far it sure hadn’t offered them the intended results. Both parents were exhausted and Mac screaming was far, so very far, from their ideal way of spending the evening in.

Both Jake and Amy have tried experimented with different tactics, some that are known to work. Picking him up to soothe him; ask him if he’s hurting somewhere; offering him to choose one of his daily snacks like a glass of milk, yoghurt or a fruit; suggesting that they play a game… But the little boy wants nothing. Nothing but that huge, sharp kitchen knife.

“Look, you can cry all you want, but daddy is not going to give you the knife. It’s dangerous, Mac,” Amy’s voice is definitely stern but nonetheless still calm well aware of the fact that screaming as well won’t get her anywhere. Besides that she also considers herself a structured, punctual but nonetheless also a cool mom: nevertheless enough is enough. She’s really had it by now, hands resting defensively on her hips as she feels a head ache creeping up on her meanwhile her 3 year old, who’s now lying face down on the kitchen floor, lets out yet another scream.

“Listen to mom, bud,” Jake intervenes the best he can without interrupting his wife’s operation. “She’s super right, you know? The knife is very very sharp and in your small hands it can easily slip and hurt you. We don’t want that.”

Another scream is how he’s thanked for the explanation and Jake, even though he loves his son unconditionally, has to roll his eyes and sigh. Logic is not relevant when you’re working with a toddler, he has learned but nonetheless gives it a try every time they’re back in the arena - only to be disappointed.

They try not to be the kind of parents that scold or punish their kid unless it’s necessary and they but alas this is not one of them. Amy has had it and shares a look of confirmation with her husband before proceeding - she needs him to back her up on this.

“Okay, McClane Santiago-Peralta,” Amy says strictly. Full name? This is the point of no return, Jake knows.

“If you’re going to continue to behave like this then that’s up to you, but that also means it’s time for time-out, because daddy and I don’t know how to help you, when you keep screaming like that.”

God, she hates this side of parenthood and this shade of herself, though she knows it necessary.

“Knife!” Mac cries out rolling onto his back and hitting the floor with the palms of his tiny hands in protest of now both the knife and the time-out.

“I’m not going to keep discussing this with you,” she makes up her mind, picks up her son which results in him screaming/crying even louder while also putting up a fight by wiggling his entire body in his mother’s hold. “If you’re not going to go by yourself, like the big boy I know you usually are, then I’ll have to carry you there.”

And so Amy, knowing that the most important thing right now is that she sticks to her pledges, starts walking out of the kitchen and down the hall towards her son’s room. The wiggling continues, the crying doesn’t come to quit and he even adds kicking into the air as she carries him to the mess of it all. He really doesn’t want to go, even less have his mommy take him there since it’ll mean that he’s really pushed her to the limit.

Then suddenly the next wail he lets out suddenly sends the situation down a completely different path.

“I just want the knife and I- I wuv you, mommy!” her son screams loudly through his cry, face all red and scrunched up as if he was cursing her which by nature results in Amy freezing on the spot, left to wonder what the hell had prompted that outburst.

That one was new, she thinks, and how the hell do you handle this exact situation right? On one hand his previous acts, and the fact that he’s still hysterical, means that he deserves to be sent to his room; on the other hand he just screamed, bloody murder, that he loves her… Parenthood was indeed so confusing sometimes.

A sigh leaves her body.

“I love you too, Mac,” she figures he deserves, and always will deserve, to hear it back - no matter how frustrating and crazy the situation might be.

“And daddy does too, but it’s really hard for us to help you when you scream and cry like that, baby,” she gives explaining the consequences of his tantrum one last shot, and, to her surprise, the boy actually stills in her arms and buries his face into her chest. The cries die out before transitioning to small sniffles and alas Amy sees the opportunity to, perhaps, talk some sense into her son.

“We’d much rather have you use your words, tell mommy and daddy what’s actually wrong, rather than having you scream and cry like this. Do you understand?”

There’s silence but Amy can feel Mac’s tiny head slide up and down in nod against his chest, and relief, although it might still just be a false sense of safety, floods her entire body.

“So, what is actually wrong? Why are you sad?”

“I-“ Mac sniffles trying to mould his thoughts. “I just wanted help daddy make food.”

Of course, she thinks internally rolling her eyes.

“I see,” she nods. “And you can help daddy cook, but next time you’ll have to say it like that. Use your words, okay?”

He nods again before lovingly grasping onto a strand of his mother’s hair.

“Good,” she pecks the top of his head. “Now,” she cranes her neck to look down at her son’s face where it’s half buried into her tear-stained shirt. “Do you want to be in your room by yourself for a bit to calm down, or do you want to come help me and daddy clean the kitchen and set the table?”

“I wan’ help,” he mumbles obviously lacking energy after spending it all throwing the tantrum, but if he wants to be with them and redeem himself then Amy won’t be the one to stop him. It took a while, but Amy always tries to remember that he’s still very little meaning that it’s inevitable that some social skills aren’t fully developed. So whenever he can come to his senses, with his parents guidance or not, Amy will of course be the first one to endorse it.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she walks back towards the kitchen with Mac resting silently in her arms.

A third memory that pops into Amy’s mind upon trying to remember the many random moment’s where her son has shared his love for her out loud and of the blue (Peralta-stylez), is one time (of the many) they went grocery shopping together. They’d been wandering around the big grocery store, her and Mac, targeting the cereal aisle, hand in hand with a basket in Amy’s free hand.

“Okay, since you and daddy ate the last of the Fruit Loops this morning we need to get some cereal. You think you can help me with that?” she looks down at her son who’s already looking up to meet her eyes. Mac’s enchanting glimmering eyes instantly light up at the thought of responsibility, a trait he’s definitely inherited from her, and prompts an eager nod. Before she can even say or explain further, which he probably doesn’t actually need her to, he’s let go of her hand.

“More Fwuit Loops!” he exclaims happily as his tiny legs take him ahead, down the aisle, to reach the mosaic of colourful cereal-boxes.

“Sure, if that’s what you want, babe, but maybe…” she walks towards him, "we could try something else for once?” she tries to not be too strict about her son’s eating habits, especially when she knows Fruit Loops is usually the only straight up sugary stuff he eats daily, but also, she has to admit, secretly wishes she could perhaps trick him and Jake to eat something just a bit less… candy-like.

“What?” he stops and looks at her with a frown. “Something else?”

“Yeah,” she catches up with him and looks as the many options before him. “Like… bran-flakes, maybe? They look yummy, right?”

Either Amy is a really bad actor or her son simply too smart, but nonetheless Mac looks more than quite unimpressed when his mom pulls a boring, brown box out from the shelf to showcase it

“I donno want brain-flakes ew, mommy” and the face Mac makes, a face of utter disgust, would be way more solid proof than a paternity test if one was needed - he is definitely, without a single doubt, Jake Peralta’s son - and she definitely can’t help but chuckle at the similarity he constantly carries with him.

The tiny human’s hand starts dancing across all the different packages, probably gathering himself a good dose of various germs that in the moment Amy can’t make herself care about, and every now and then he’ll stop to study a cereal that’s caught his child-brain and eyes’ attention.

“There are so many to choose from, huh babe?” she encourages but keeping her distance as to be supportive of him doing something on his own, independent like a big boy.

First he stops in front of the Cheerios, which Amy can totally be content with, but alas he quickly, to Amy’s chagrin, puts them back in their spot. Then come the Frosted Flakes with their blue box and cute tiger cartoon (the perfect child-trap) which, if possible, are even worse than Fruit Loops. Amy unconsciously frowns at the thought of having to rip the box of cereal from her son’s grip when he in a few seconds won’t let go and instead grab the Bran Flakes. But to Amy’s great relief Mac’s finger continue their trip down past the tiger-trap, mindlessly mumbling small nothings to himself that she can’t quite make out. Then, all at once seeming way more determined than with previous ones, Mac throws himself at a bright and colourful box.

“These!” he exclaims jumping up and down on the spot with the held over his head in victory.

As soon as she gets a closer look, having gently grabbed the box from her son, it dawns on Amy that Jake Peralta being the father of her child isn’t exclusively beneficial. Not when their child is asking for Sour Patch Kids morning cereal and Amy knows it’s because he’s inspired by his dad as Jake will gladly share his candy with his son whenever he happens to have some.

“Oh, baby… “ Amy tries to keep up a neutral face as to not reveal how she dreads to get something that’s somehow even worse than the king of artificial ingredients, Fruit Loops, and sultan of sugar, Frosted Flakes, combined. “You sure you don’t just wanna get the Fruit Loops then? I don’t think you’ll like Sour Patch Kids.”

“Yes I do! I eat them with daddy all the time!”

Of course.

Her son is completely oblivious to her dread and shines proudly thinking he’s pleased his mom by finding something new (which it is - Amy can’t deny that) to have for breakfast. And Amy’s mom-heart can’t get herself to contradict her son’s persuasion of the fact that he’s accomplished the mission she set up for him. No way. Not when his face flows with pride like it does now.

“Okay,” she surrenders with a forsaken smile. “We can get these, but they’re very sugary so only for weekend mornings, got it?” she puts her hand forward as to shake on the deal.

Either it’s the handshake that takes his mind off of it, or her 3-year old actually somehow understands nutritional values, but he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t hesitate to meet her hand with his own, agreeing with her proposed deal. Immediately after she hands him back the box, it’s a mystery to Amy how such a simple thing can make her son that happy, he beams with excitement and basically hugs the box of sugary sweetness. Amy has to chuckle and then he’s off again to do his own little thing, prancing down the remains of the aisle chanting a made-up song, Amy guesses, to himself.

“Cereal. Breakfast. I love cereal. I love breakfast. I love mommy and mommy loves cereal and me and daddy and breakfast. Cereal, cereal, cereal!”

And to her, and Jake’s, sheer luck Amy manages to snap a short video of it for them to enjoy and fuss about for years.

That same night, Friday, they’re all lounging on the couch watching a movie. Tangled as per Mr. Mac’s demand because “Flynn Eugene whatever is really cool and the pretty princess hits him with a pan and the horse and green little thing are super fun too.”

So, needing no further arguments, they watch Tangled and snack on Sour Patch Kids (the candy, not the cereal) that Jake had bought on his way home from work after Amy had texted him about their adventure at the grocery store, attaching the video of their son singing.

Although, after a long day, by the time the lanterns in the movie light up the dark sky while Rapunzel and Flynn sing to each other, Mac is half, almost completely, passed out with his head in Amy’s lap and legs stretched across his father’s. Mommy stroking your face and playing with your curls turns out to be very soothing and sleep-inducing. Jake can also, if asked to testify, agree with this fact. Guess there’s something special about Peralta-curls Amy simply can’t resist.

“Ames, I think he’s asleep,” Jake whispers discreetly throwing his wife a knowing smile when he notices his son’s current state.

She, having not noticed being too busy watching the movie, looks down and sees, indeed, a sweet angel face with shut eyes and pouty lips that indicated that her son is, if not entirely, on the verge of being asleep. Nevertheless, every 30 seconds or so, his eyes will flutter just a bit, like tiny butterfly wings, as if he’s fighting to see the end of the movie - a movie he’s seen 134 times already.

“You want to go to bed, Mac?” she coos leaning down to peck his temple.

“Nu-uh,” he fights off the urge to say yes, Amy can tell.

“You sure?” she tries again.

He nods heavily in her lap, shuffling a bit in an attempt to get comfortable enough to, Amy knows, fall asleep. But he can’t seem to find the right spot, is surely overtired too and both parents can tell it’s a matter of minutes before he’ll give in to either fall asleep on the couch or demand to be put to bed.

And they’re right.

“Mommy,” he mumbles in the most exhausted and soft soft voice that makes Amy’s heart flutter time after time. “I love you but I wanna sleep - in my bed.”

Those three words, especially coming from Mac, will never seize to send a tiny jolt of joy and dopamine through her entire being. She chuckles softly stroking his back.

“That’s okay, baby. We’ve had a long day. Let's get you to bed.”

“Okay, I love you mommy. And daddy. Love,” he passes out before he can finish the sentence and won’t even notice his father carrying him to bed while Amy gazes after them with loving eyes.

Even three years in, four if you count the pregnancy, she can’t believe this sweet, beautiful and smart boy is hers. A bundle of love that is half her and half the man she loves the most (next to Mac himself, of course). Parenthood is an irregular graph with ups and down, but they have so much love that it’ll make up for the bad days and hard cases. In the very end the most important thing is that he, Mac Santiago-Peralta with his brown curly hair, tiny nose and deep brown eyes, is here and he’s theirs. Not only is he theirs but he is his own and he loves them, his parents, so much, every day. Plus, he’s so good at actually expressing it that Amy can’t help but feel like they’re definitely doing something right. She’s proud to know her son is surrounded by so much love that it has planted a seed that everyday blooms within him, making him spill over and spread his care and love to other people.

So, yes, Amy Santiago is 100% sure: she is definitely the luckiest, most loved mom in the entire universe. Mac Santiago-Peralta will always make sure of this.

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woodstockbtswriter · 5 years ago

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Voyagers

Genre: Fluff/Headcanon

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (Female)

Summary: A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to join BTS on a Bon Voyage adventure leads to once-in-a-lifetime love.

Author’s Note: I feel like this is going to end up having a million parts if I continue with this amount of detail, but I can’t help myself. This is just how my brain works. 😄 Anyway, I’m not sure if I need to say this, but I wrote this from the perspective of an American ARMY. Hope that doesn’t bother anyone. Also, I imagine you to be the same age as Yoongi, so you’re not technically a noona to him, but I don’t like using “Y/N,” so I’ll just use “noona” as his nickname for you for now. Oh, and one last thing: for the purposes of this story, let’s just pretend there’s no language barrier between you and the boys, okay? Okay! Let’s get it!

Part Three

Countdown to Bon Voyage

When you returned home from Korea, a group chat was started so you and the boys could keep each other updated and get hyped for your trip

You heard from at least one member every day during the weeks leading up to your departure

The boys had the month off from all BTS obligations so they had a lot more free time

Most of the boys went home to visit their families

Yoongi was working on his mixtape and occasionally shared lyrics (and you’d tease him for working during their break)

Jin was living his best life just sleeping and gaming

Namjoon reported on the many art museums he visited

Hoseok was working on a song collaboration and would send videos of his dance

Jimin was traveling and checked in every time he arrived somewhere new

Taehyung shared photos he took while traveling with his friends

Jungkook was writing some songs and bounced ideas off of everyone

You worked as a home stager and the boys (especially Yoongi) loved hearing about your job and seeing before-and-after pictures of your work (no one could appreciate a well-chosen lamp quite like Yoongi)

When you weren’t working, you spent all your time preparing for the trip and would occasionally ask the boys what they would recommend for you to pack

By the time departure day arrived, you felt like you had already grown close with all of them and you couldn’t wait to see them again

Departure Day

Logistically, it made the most sense for you to meet the boys in New Zealand instead of flying together

You were a little bummed about it, but you knew you’d have plenty of time together in the coming days

The morning of your flight, a two-man camera crew met you at the airport so they would have footage of you on your way

They also gave you a GoPro camera, which you were a little self-conscious about using

But everyone in the airport was already staring at you because you were being followed by a camera crew, so you decided to just go with it

As you boarded your flight, you were amazed by the first-class seat that had been reserved for you

Your phone chimed with a message as you settled into your spacious and private seat

You fell asleep soon after takeoff, and slept most of the way

When you weren’t sleeping, you rewatched the The Lord of the Rings movies (‘cause, you know, New Zealand)

Reunited in New Zealand

After flying all day with a brief layover in Los Angeles, you finally arrived in Christchurch, NZ

The view out your window as the plane landed was nothing but snow-covered mountains as far as the eye could see, and it was incredible

You texted the boys as soon as you touched down on the runway

You and your cameramen made your way through the airport to meet everyone at baggage claim

You spotted Jungkook first, though you almost didn’t recognize him because his hair was noticeably longer than the last time you saw him

When Jungkook saw you his face lit up with a huge smile and he called out to you

The other boys looked up at Jungkook’s exclamation and several of them rushed you

Almost before you could say “hi,” you were swept up in Jungkook’s arms and he was spinning you around as you laughed

As soon as he placed you back on your feet, Jimin wrapped his arms around you, lifting you a few inches off the ground too

“Yah, let the girl breathe! You’re suffocating her!” Yoongi scolded as he approached

You looked to him as Jimin let go of you and your heart did a thing

It wasn’t like when you first met him last month either

That had been nervousness, anticipation, excitement

Now it was like... relief

Because you’d missed him, and you were so happy to see him again

And also relief that he was real, and you hadn’t been imagining all this

Then he gave you a shy smile, and your heart did an even bigger thing

Because, dang it, he was cute

Even with - no, especially with - a mask under his chin, sunglasses on his face, and his hair held back by a headband

You moved to give him a hug and he met you halfway

His embrace felt even better than you remembered, warm and comfortable

You just fit together

But when you wrapped your arms around him, you noticed he felt thinner

You asked him if he lost weight as you leaned out of the hug

Hoseok answered for him, saying he’d lost 4 kilograms over break

“He wanted to impress you, noona,” He teased

Yoongi swatted at him, but Hoseok evaded his reach

After you’d greeted all the boys (minus Jin, as the boys informed you he’d be arriving separately a little later), you headed out of the airport as a group

As soon as you stepped outside, you were met by a cool, fresh breeze, and you were glad you wore long sleeves and leggings

A shuttle bus with a luggage trailer was waiting for you and the boys started loading up their bags

You rolled your suitcase over, but before you could load it, Yoongi wordlessly took it from you and lifted it into the trailer

You tried to thank him, but he shrugged it off

You then climbed into the bus with Yoongi right behind you, and he sat down next to you on the front bench seat

As you waited for the shuttle to leave, the boys asked about your flight and you asked about theirs

They told you all about laying over in Singapore and the awesome airplane with seats that folded down into beds

You told them about your layover and how this was your first time flying first-class

The boys also taught you the Bon Voyage cheer they had come up with for this season, but you decided to wait to actually do it until Jin was there

Then you were on your way to pick up the camper and the SUV you would be using all week

Ready, Set, Go

As you drove through Christchurch, you discussed the clear skies and beautiful weather and your mutual excitement

At the rental company, you and the boys signed forms to be drivers, then were led to a room with a table and office chairs to watch an instructional video

Yoongi held your chair for you as you sat so it wouldn’t roll out from under you, then took the seat next to you

After the video, you went back outside to get a tour of the camper and saw that Jin had finally arrived

You and the boys greeted Jin with enthusiastic hugs

An employee then gave instructions about the camper and pointed out its features

As he explained how to empty the wastewater tank, the boys joked about coordinating their bathroom schedules and showering two at a time (Yoongi’s suggestion)

But they ultimately agreed that, unless there was an emergency, only you would be allowed to use the onboard bathroom and they would use the campsite bathrooms

They also agreed that you would have one of the onboard beds to yourself and they would share the remaining beds or sleep in the tents

Once instructions were finished, the boys started loading the luggage into the camper and once again, Yoongi took your suitcase for you

And you smiled to yourself as you realized his chivalry was going to be a trend throughout your trip

When you were all loaded up and ready to go, you gathered with all the boys and did your first official “Bon Voyage” chant (and you couldn’t help but giggle at the way they pronounced “voyage”, with a long “e”)

You then divided into vehicles, and you followed Yoongi, Jin, and Namjoon to the SUV

Jin got in the driver’s seat, and Yoongi and Namjoon tried to offer you the passenger’s seat, but you declined and opted for the backseat, so Namjoon sat up front and Yoongi joined you in the back

Then, with one more cheer out the window with the camper team, you set out, finally starting off on the real adventure

Previous - Next

#bts #min yoongi #bts imagines #bts suga #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagines suga #bts fanfiction #bts fluff #bts bon voyage #bts headcanons #bon voyage 4 #bon voyage season 4 #yoongi x reader

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holdouttrout · 4 years ago

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2020 Reflections and Resetting for 2021

This is a bit long, so I’ll cut it, but I’ve been missing doing these annual posts so... if you want to read on, please do!

Fannish The Big Fandom of the year for me was the Locked Tomb, the series by Tamsyn Muir that starts with Gideon the Ninth. I read and re-read the two books (so far) several times, and while right at this moment the fannishness is lying dormant, it is coiled in my soul, ready to strike again at any moment. Otherwise, I ended up doing a lot of reading and watching. I revisited a bunch of Star Trek, which was and remains delightful. I wrote some Han/Leia fic, which is always fun, especially since the people who enjoy Han/Leia are lovely and discerning! Video Games My big game of the year is Crypt of the Necrodancer, which is a fun little dungeon game where you have to move with the beat. I beat the Necrodancer once and now I gotta do it again, except harder and I haven't figured out the trick yet. Books Other than Gideon the Ninth (and Harrow the Ninth), I enjoyed many, many books. According to Goodreads, I read 64 books. That does not include the many re-reads of various books. Many of these books were read because of @that-silver-girl, who is a great reading buddy and excellent at cajoling, begging, and demanding I read good books. If I had to pick five of my favorites (again, besides the obvious), they would be: Or What You Will, by Jo Walton. Jo Walton is one of my favorite authors, someone who manages to combine fantasy with philosophy speculation in a way that makes me think, and although this book took a while to grab me, when I did I was all in. A Memory Called Empire, by Arkady Martine. I adore fish out of water stories, and this one had a lot of strangeness and cultural misunderstandings and Honorable People and political intrigue. This is How you Lose the Time War, by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. This book is SO GORGEOUS. It's very descriptive and dramatic and hints at the world(s) involved rather than giving you a concrete setting, and I adored it. Maybe my actual favorite book of this year. A Gentleman in Moscow, by Amor Towles. This book was a book club book that I would and could recommend to just about anyone. We ended up reading it just as the social distancing measures really took hold here, which was sort of ironic timing, but it was such a good, hopeful book that it went straight to the top of my list. Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead, by Olga Tocarczuk. I haven't yet managed to get anyone to read this book--I tried to get my book club to read it, but they passed on it, probably because of the title. I really loved the main character and the setting. It ended up feeling very down-to-earth and practical in a way I find really satisfying. In other book news, I finally started legitimately keeping track of and writing little "reviews" on Goodreads. So… you know, if that's your thing, come find me. I cannot guarantee I say anything about books worth saying, but I'm trying to let go of my need to be perceived as intelligent about my book choices and enjoyment. Fun Well. Fun was certainly fraught in 2020. I didn't have anything too big or adventurous planned in the Before Times, and then the Current Times meant that the most adventuring I did was two quiet weekends to the beach, visiting my aunt. Those trips were very wonderful and healing, and I only regret that I wasn't able to spend more time with her and her partner in the past. I'm very grateful about how my friend group(s) have really tried to move online. One of my gaming groups moved to Zoom and Roll20 right away, and I think maybe we missed like… one week while we figured it all out. Another group has gotten going since then and I'm having fun with that, too. I had an outdoor social group during the spring and summer that is having to move more virtual now that the weather is colder again. My book club has transitioned to virtual meetings pretty well, too, and I have a small intergenerational discussion group through my Friends Meeting that has become a lovely, stable place for me. Writing This is mostly meh, but I have started to write a little bit here and there more recently, especially with the Discord Writing Group I'm participating in now. May that trend continue. Music I have kept up playing piano (probably even more because of social distancing and being home more than I would have otherwise). It is a very centering place for me. I also managed to get a few recordings of myself playing Christmas tunes so I could send them to my mom, and that felt like a real accomplishment. Physical Activity I walked quite a bit in spring and summer, and even fall wasn't too sedentary, but uh… winter started off rough. This last week, my grandma (who broke her LEG a few weeks ago) and I made a deal that we would both take a walk on days it wasn't raining. So far, that's meant EVERY DAY and I have stuck to it (I know she will have!). 2021 Okay, so I don't make resolutions. I don't. But I do think of goals that I want to accomplish and write them down, so it's understandable that some people might think they are resolutions. Books and Other Media I want to start reading more non-fiction, so I've identified 6 non-fiction books to read in 2021. (I'm starting off with a small goal.) I also have 2.5-3 small shelves with books I have not yet read, and I have about 9 books on hold from the library. I'd like to go through the books on hold and the to-read shelves, even if that just means deciding I'm not going to read the book on the shelf that's been sitting there for years after all. I also have a list of movies to watch, so I'm going to try to watch one of them from that list each month. I'm definitely not holding myself to that very strictly, especially since the books thing is already going to be more of a project, but there are plenty of just plain fun movies on that list that I sort of forget are out there when I'm choosing what to watch. I also really, really, really want to do a Farscape Rewatch. It's been ages since I've seen the show, and it's time! Learning, Practicing, and Doing For piano, I really want to re-start practicing how to play from chord notation. This is something that I wish I'd learned how to do a long time ago. I want to re-start my ASL learning as well. I have a plan in place for it, and just hope I can actually do it. I have a couple of sewing projects I'd like to work on, but I won't feel any guilt if I don't get to them. I'm considering how best to make an impact on areas of social justice that resonate with me, and I have the theory that it might be more effective to focus on ONE area and not fracture myself into a million pieces trying to fix EVERYTHING. This is less of a goal than it is a consideration, so it needs some work to turn into a plan.

#42 is my life tag

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cyb3r-s1ut · 4 years ago

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Hotline Bling • Zion Kuwonu

Summary • To be honest, I don’t even know yet.

WC • Circa 1,600

Genre • Mild Angst, nothing too bad.

You used to call me on my cellphone

Late-night when you need my love

Call me on my cellphone

Late-night when you need my love

And I know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

I know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

3 months, 1 week, and 4 days. That’s how long it had been since Zion last saw you. But, hey, who's counting? If he had been, he would have succumbed to that void feeling in his chest by now. The one created by you but ultimately worsened by his actions. His actions ruined the best thing he ever had. But it was your fault too, right?

If you didn't have such an illuminating smile, such a feather-light yet addicting touch, such an effervescent personality, such a radiant aura then the both of you he wouldn't be in this situation. No. If you hadn't wanted something more and Zion hadn't been too scared of ruining a good thing even though he knew you deserved more— deserved better. He knew you deserved the world and the stars along with it, but he was so afraid he couldn't give it to you. So he cowered behind his thoughts; he dismissed the relationship you had, shutting you out in the process.

He was expecting you to dismiss the fact that he couldn't come to terms with himself you and continue with the late-night phone calls. The sneaking out of the house at 1 and 2 in the morning — when he thought everyone was asleep — to spend hours at your place. Half naked smoke sessions with deeply thought out conversations lingering in the air with every puff. Or hot nights in your room that always seemed to end with clothes scattered here and there, fluffy comforter somehow still clinging to a corner of the bed, and the sheets tangled around only you because he was never there when you woke up. ’He had better, more important things.’ you would convince yourself. But when you finally stopped gaslighting yourself with that excuse, you found out he couldn't face his own music.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ever since I left the city, you

Got a reputation for yourself now

Everybody knows and I feel left out

Girl, you got me down, you got me stressed out

'Cause ever since I left the city, you

Started wearing less and goin' out more

Glasses of champagne out on the dance floor

Hangin' with some girls I've never seen before

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Guilt. Jealousy. Anger. Sadness. Utter outrage. One of these emotions— maybe even a mixture— was grasping at his heart and yanking at the strings right now. Even so, he couldn’t stop rewatching the clip on his phone in front of him. It wasn’t like he was meaning to find you. He just happened to be scrolling through the explore page on Instagram and much to his sudden disbelief you were the thumbnail on some video. Against his better judgment (of course) he clicks the video, watching you hold a cup of God-knows-what in the air as your body hazily sways in a sea of people inside of what looks to be a club. Zion’s face is still one of shock as the girl recording yells something cringey about all of her friends being ‘baddies’ and ‘hot girls’ and continues to survey each of her friends, including you, while everyone gets more excited with the new song’s change of pace.

It could’ve been all in his head but that video seemed way longer than the allotted one minute. He doesn’t know how many times he watches the video before he decides to click on the girl’s profile (a bad decision on behalf of his 2 functioning brain cells). His thumbs seemed to move on their own as he scrolled down her page and searched through countless posts of herself, her with her family, and her with her friends. Zion couldn’t pry his eyes from the screen as he clicked on a picture with you in it, hoping you would be tagged. You were, of course, so he clicked. Another mistake on his part.

Your username and bio were both different. Even though he hadn’t visited your profile in a while, he did remember the main details of it. Zion repeated his earlier actions, examining your page this time. There were posts of yourself. You and your dog. You and your family. You and this new group of friends he had never seen until now. You and some MAN? You and this man hugging, holding hands, kissing, traveling, eating out together? You and Zion used to tell each other about everything, and you had certainly never mentioned him before. You People aren’t supposed to move on this fast. Hell, Zion hadn’t even moved on. He still listened to the playlist you two had created together. He still dreamed about you. He still woke up with the lingering touches of you on his body as if you had been beside him moments before. He still had late-night venting sessions with Nick as he sniffled and wiped his teary face after genuinely expressing what he was never able to tell you face-to-face.

But now, here you were. You had completely evolved from the person Zion knew almost four months ago. You weren’t the same girl who posted simple photos of herself in cute, comfortable outfits captioned with inspirational quotes, or wholesome reviews of the new Greek mythology book you had bought at your favorite Barnes and Noble. This was some girl who had grown to almost a million followers in just three months. This was some girl who posted pointless photos of her newest bottle of wine or Hennessey; some girl whose wardrobe would alternate between Burberry pantsuits and Louboutin heels, to Adidas tracksuits and air force ones, to what could very well be some bundle of strings Fashion Nova tries to pass off as a dress. This new girl — this new you — was copacetic, thriving, and glowing. You were happy with this seemingly very outgoing of people who the old you would’ve never thought about fraternizing with. Worse of all, the new you appeared to be enjoying life with some new guy, a guy that wasn’t Zion. He’s a complete mess without you laying next to him at 2 in the morning and you were supposed to be the same. Zion was supposed to have the same crippling effect on you as you did on him.

Apparently, Zion had been sitting in his whirlwind of thoughts long enough for his phone to lock. He pulled himself out of his trance and made his only decent decision of the day. He went to find Nick, knowing he would still be awake and available to examine whatever emotional baggage Zion had this time. He told Nick about his earlier revelations (leaving out the part about your apparent love interest). “Why don't you just talk to her, bro? Tell her how you actually feel.” weren't the words he expected to hear. He didn't know what to expect, honestly.

As Zion laid in his bed he picked up his phone with shaky hands. When he unlocked it, he felt another tug at his heartstrings, forgetting that his phone had locked on a gorgeous post of your beaming smile while he was in a daze earlier. The time I'm his phone read 1:46 A.M. He didn't want to call you. You might not pick up. But he wanted an immediate response. Zion needed validation right now. He silently prayed that your number hadn't changed along with everything else during your productive time period. He opened his messages and clicked on your name; ’y/n💛’. Zion smiled to himself as he looked at the last messages sent between the two of you. You had been sending memes back and forth, with the last message before the hiatus being three emojis expressing your enjoyment.

Zion pondered for a few moments on what to type. ’Yo y/n it's me.’ ’Hey it's me, Zion.’ ’Hey y/n we haven't talked in a while.’ He wasted a good twenty minutes overthinking, typing, and erasing potential conversation starters. Then he just decided to pour out what was left of his heart. Fuck it.

He didn't expect you to reply quickly, but he wanted you to, so Zion kept his phone unlocked and open to your messages as he waited. He had peeked two minutes after hitting send, but he didn't notice it then. Zion let five more anxious minutes pass before checking again. He almost didn't notice it that time, but somehow he managed to spot it.

The small subscript under his message. ’Read’

Zion didn't know if it was him being delirious with fatigue or the actual fact of you acknowledging but ignoring him, but his breathing got short and shaky and his tears started to roll. It was finally happening. That void feeling in his chest — in his heart —, that place where special memories of you were kept, had finally drawn him in and suffocated him with the realization that you didn't want him anymore. You no longer needed Zion to bring you the pleasures of life. For all he knows now, you never really did.

#prettymuch #prettymuch beanz #zion kuwonu #austin porter #brandon arreaga #edwin honoret #nick mara #blurbs

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falc0nfreak · 4 years ago

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Unus Annus was like a friend.

It's bittersweet in many ways, I knew the channel was going to end, I knew the timer was going down and yet I got used to the channel and to the company of Mark and Ethan.

To Eef and Maaarrrkkk.

To The Gongoozler and HeeHoo.

To Unus and Annus.

Some people won't get that and it makes me sad, but some will and it makes me feel glad! Sorry to get all riddle-y there. But I have a point to this post. Unus Annus really was like a friend! I wouldn't watch it every day, but I would check up on it consistently! Like genuinely as much as I'd check on a friend! When we first met we'd hang everyday, ya know as some new friends do sometimes, especially if you just 'click'. You know what I'm saying?

Than after some time youd take a break, maybe once a week catch up on how your days were and talk for a couple hours. Each time I'd see Unus Annus it would make me laugh! I'd be like "Oh yea! This was fun I love hanging with you!"

But than.... the quarentine hit. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "Unus Annus was a YouTube channel tho, you can still watch it!" But for me, I wasn't watching anymore. I was watching videos pre-quarentine to give me time to realize what was going on. Some of my siblings were going with the flow as this affected their jobs in airlines. My one sister and I didn't think it would be that bad, because people are smart and would be careful not to do anything dumb like spread it or anything. We also heard people were buying up all the toilet paper but thought that was a joke. Ha...ha... who got the last laugh? Not us! For when my sister went to go grocery shopping you know what wasn't there? Toilet paper. What were we VERY low on? Toilet paper.

Yessssssss, it was at this moment we knew.... we fucked up. So as all this went down and things were happening drastically faster than I'm used, small town girl like me who forgets there are more than just cows sometimes. I didn't watch my good friend Unus Annus for awhile. Just like I didn't see or visit any friends. The trend continues.

Unus Annus was like a friend.

They were still making videos, still making people's days and making them laugh! It was good and great of them to do! I just wasn't ready to accept it yet. I'd take a peek and see they weren't together anymore, the feeling just wasn't the same, even tho it really shouldn't have changed but in reality, I wasn't ready to face change. One by one some of my favourite shows got affected by it.

One show in particular that always, and I mean ALWAYS, got me through a week was Critical Role. I had been watching almost religiously every Thursday for a couple months at this point. A show that was a roller coaster of emotions sometimes, or just a good laugh in general, reminded me just how amazing friends could be. I binge watched the show ever since I first found it. When I'd get home from work, sore and tired, I'd end my day watching campaign 2 every night as I fell asleep. I always have to watch something to fall asleep.

I had thought to myself (rather stupidly, I will say. Remember I am but a small town country girl still in denial) at least I still have critical role on Thursdays! But no no no no no! The show had been cancelled. And of course! It was live! They were friends but they didn't live together. They had mandatory lockdown, they had families of their own to worry about. And that's true! For a part of me forgot that it was a live show, I had caught up, there was no more videos to watch at the end of the day! And I'm fine with that of course, their safety is just as important as anyone's! But I was realizing more and more this was really happening and not just to where I'm from but all around the world! I was mentally fighting something happening. Trying to think positively in time of strife; so yes I avoided videos for a time reminding me of what was going on. Trying to be a beacon of light for my family too as things were happening to them. It's easier to do that when I'm not worried about something as well. Even though I always was of course. Denial at its finest.

Eventually though, I went back to some pals. Went back to watch game grumps. And even critical role when they returned! But what caught my eye, once again, was eef and oof. They hadn't been popping up in my recommended as usual. But I'd see it pop up. It had been some time. A couple months maybe? But I took a peek. It was my old friends again. They were good and that's all that matters. That made me happy, in fact that's true for alot of shows. I'd search up so many channels to see how they were doing to wish them good luck and to stay strong through all this. See how everyone was doing from Game Theory, to GMM, to Nowthisisliving. The list continues.

So flash forward to the last 14 days of Unus Annus. I had seen them here and there. Sometimes I'd spend a whole day watching just to catch whatever ones I missed! Thick water, pink trombone, eating fire. There were a few I missed I know but I'd watch alot in one go sometimes. It really was like catching up with a friend! Now the last 14 days were here. It really do....be hitting different... at this point....

14 days and how much had I missed? How much had I not experienced?? Turns out... I didn't know everything about Unus Annus and I binged for 2 weeks! I watched so many episodes they are still fresh in my mind right now. How had I missed camp Unus Annus? How had I missed Ethan becoming a man? How had I missed petting a chicken to cooking a chicken with the power of slaps? It was like spending the last moments with someone you loved before they had to go but in the most positive way ever! I know that sounds morbid, but I've experienced loss way too closely and this... this was a much lighter version of that. This was amazing! Watching them do some crazy and cool things and laughing with them! Rewinding for the best parts which you can't do in real life. I mean how lucky can you be when it comes to the end of something?? In the end I got to rewatch some of my favourites!! I got to find new favourites!!

I can't explain how I'm feeling. Not entirely. I keep going between joking and crying because it really feels like saying goodbye to a friend. It's so crazy to think that there were possibly 1 million other people feeling the same or similar as me during that livestream last night. Now I'm crying again. It's crazy to me that last night I watched with one of my best friends who kept saying "but what if they don't delete it? What if they've been trolling us for a whole year? The best prank ever on YouTube." And I kept saying "Naw it has to... all this set up it just has to!" And that made me question for the last 10 hours so thanks for that Alex. And now I'm laughing again haha. Like I said it's bittersweet.

I tweeted with #MomentoMori but honestly a tweet wasn't enough to describe how I'm feeling. To explain my joy and happiness such a channel could bring. There wasn't enough words and certainly not enough time. I still hear the ticking of the clock. Hear the chant of Unus Annus and that honestly could be because I binged for almost 2 weeks straight lol. But even though I missed some, it really is like a friend. You don't always know EVERYTHING about your friends but you love em for who they are. You love em for the joy they bring and the strength they carry in their own way. Their individuality, as well as their flaws. Their weakness and their differences. Friends are the family you choose. And though it's been one heck of a year. I'm so bloody thankful I had one more experience to add to the memory of 2020.

Thank you for meaning more to me than I could even predict. That goddamn show will be memory I will try my hardest to never forget. Thank you for bringing joy and happiness to everyone it touched, not just me. Your hard work and dedication will always be remembered. And this doesn't just go to Markus and Eefus. But to the whole staff and every guest that was on it. To every doggo and every cardboard cutout. Thank you and as always. Momento Mori

#momento mori #unusannus #bittersweet #thank you #goodbye

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mylifeiskara · 4 years ago

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I made this thread on Twitter kind of comparing how The Mindy Project and The 100 seem to be handling their cast shake-ups, which might seem rather silly of me because they are different genres, but I’ve been rewatching The Mindy Project recently, and I remember how upset the writing and stuff made me while I was watching TMP, even though I knew that it was because Chris Messina had asked to be on the show less to pursue other projects. He was in like a million movies in 2016! But as I go back and rewatch, I’m realizing they actually handled it very well, and I thought I’d elaborate a little more on my thread where there is no character limit. So spoilers for TMP and what we’ve seen of season 7 of The 100 probably.

Tl;dr: I still think Bellarke is happening, and I don’t think what we’re seeing on screen would be that much different, even if Bob hadn’t asked for time off.

So season 3 of The Mindy Project ends with Mindy and Danny (played by Chris Messina) together and expecting a baby, though Danny has said he’s not sure he wants to get married again. He even travels all the way to India to visit Mindy’s parents and explain to them that he is in love with Mindy, but isn’t sure he wants to marry her. This is where the first episode of season 4 picks up, and at the end of this episode, after Danny talks to Mindy’s parents and comes to the realization that he wants to work past his hang-ups on marriage, he proposes to Mindy.

Now somewhere in between season 3 and the writing of season 4 Chris Messina asked to be on the show less because he was interested in pursuing other projects. So the writers had to navigate how to tell a story where Mindy’s fiance and the father of her child was not on the show as much. They first did this by setting up the conflict of Mindy realizing that she does not actually want to be a stay-at-home mom, like she initially agreed. She wants to still be a doctor and continue to grow her fertility practice. She has a hard time telling this to Danny, because since his mother was a single mom and always working, he felt alone during childhood, and he doesn’t want his kid to feel alone or unloved, though Mindy argues that just because they both work doesn’t mean that Leo will feel unloved. This argument and conflict gets put on pause when Danny’s father has a heart attack, and he goes to California to take care of him. While he’s gone, Mindy goes back to work and realizes for sure that she doesn’t want to stop working. When Danny returns this conflict continues, because Danny wants another kid soon, and Mindy realizes she’s not sure she wants another kid, because she’s committed to growing her fertility practice, especially now that her new business partner Jody is involved. They can’t work past this, and end up breaking up, which is told through an extremely well done montage if you’d like to watch season 4 ep. 14.

The next two seasons show Mindy as she handles being a working single mom, co-parenting with her ex, and even some of her dating adventures. She even ends up marrying someone else for a while, and Danny gets engaged again. So even though Chris Messina is no longer a series regular, he is very much still part of the story. Season 6 shows how Mindy and Danny grow back together in a way, as they realize that they’ve both grown and that they still love each other and want to work through their issues and be with each other again.

I then think about what TMP would have looked like had Chris Messina not asked to be on the show less, and I honestly think it makes sense for them to still have done something similar. Danny was always Mindy’s main love interest, and seasons 1 and 2 saw Mindy through many boyfriends, Danny and Mindy’s “will they, won’t they”, and their eventual decision to be together. Season 3 was them being together, and also navigating long distance for a period of time as Mindy went to do a fellowship at Stanford. Yeah, this is a rom-com, but I think it would have been pretty boring for seasons 4-6 to only be about the “happily ever after.” Even if Chris hadn’t asked for time off, I think conflicts still would have arisen between Mindy and Danny, because they are very different as people and they both had some growing to do, even if they do have to stay on somewhat decent terms because of their son. The whole point is that they never stopped loving each other through all of this.

So what, might you ask, does this have to do with The 100? Well I’m assuming a similar sit-down happened between season 6 and the writing of season 7 where Bob asked to take some time off. Obviously the situation is different, but Bob and Chris are both the second leads, so it’s definitely something the writers have to sit and think about in terms of how they’re going to handle it.

If your second lead asks to take time off in the last season of the show, it makes sense to write him missing for most of the beginning half of the season. So that when things wrap up at the end, Bellamy will be there as the story comes to a close. Now that we’ve seen six episodes, I’m assuming that we’re about to start wrapping up some of the side stories so that when Bellamy is back for real, the focus will then turn back to Bellamy and Clarke. People have been saying that Bellamy is the key and Clarke is the key to whatever this story unfolding is. Their stories are connected, and you can’t fully tell one without the other. I think it’s safe to say that later on we’ll see them reunited and learn more about what this means. But for now, we’re focusing on other characters, and I’m okay with that.

Since the story is coming to a close, I’ve been thinking a lot about the overarching journey. We’ve seen Bellamy and Clarke go from adversaries to reluctant leaders, to best friends, and I’d still say we are most definitely on track for a Bellarke ending. I’m one of those people that actually loves when Bellamy and Clarke are separated, because I find their reunions to be incredibly meaningful. And I think the reunion that we’re being set up for is going to be great, though I don’t have much of an idea on how it’s going to happen. I’m just waiting to watch all the pieces fall into place.

I know a lot of us talk about what would have happened if Clarke made it up to the Ring in season 4 because it was pretty obvious there was such unspoken tension and love between the two of them, but honestly? I don’t think there would have been much reason to continue the show. They would have gotten together on the Ring, and then what? It’s always been about Clarke and Bellamy, and them being together leaves little story to tell, if we think about it. The whole conflict of season 5 was that they had spent so much time apart that Bellamy had to start thinking with his head (per Clarke’s advice) and they had grown without each other, so they had to take the time to recognize that and be on the same page again. Season 6, they are on the same page, but then Clarke “dies” and Bellamy’s entire story becomes how to get her back. And now in season 7 though it’s not just Bellamy missing, Clarke seems very focused on getting back Bellamy in particular. Sure there’s a lot going on at the same time, but Clarke’s main focus currently is getting back to Bellamy, especially after Bellamy did so much to save her last season (which was like a mere few days ago Sanctum time).

Had Bob not asked to take time off, I think the story would still play out similarly. Maybe we’d see Bellamy a bit more, the way that we saw Danny every now and again in season 4 of TMP and through voiceover text messages to Mindy. But I think this was always going to be what the story looked like. We also have to remember that storytelling on TV and storytelling in other forms are fairly different, since you can’t necessarily have a bunch of long scenes where people just sit and talk about their feelings. That’s boring to watch. I think that’s why we got that Princess Mechanic scene in 7x06 when Raven and Clarke were stuck in the body of that organism and Raven broke down, or the scene in 6x11 where Octavia and Bellamy had a heart-to-heart. Neither of those scenes were very long, but the characters were working towards another goal while also talking through some issues that they were having. There’s different time constraints and factors to consider when writing a scene for TV that you could handle differently in a novel or a fanfic.

None of this is to say that I’ve never taken issue with how the story is told, because that’s not true. I just think that the overarching narrative is about reuniting Bellamy and Clarke, similar to how The Mindy Project’s overarching narrative is about Danny and Mindy growing so that they can be together again. Unlike when I watched season 4 of The Mindy Project, I’m taking the time to watch how the story plays out here, because I spent a lot of time back in 2016 being needlessly angry over something that in retrospect was actually fairly well done given the circumstances. I’m watching what’s presented to me on screen, because that is the story that we’re working with. And I’ll see how I feel about the whole thing once it’s all over. I’m hoping I’ll be satisfied with the ending, but if not, there’s a whole lot of very talented content creators who I know are already geared up to write some fix-it fanfics.

#bellarke #the 100 #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #bob morley #the 100 meta #kara says things #this wasn't showing up in the tags so i'm trying again

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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785

When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? A few days ago I found out that someone I probably know (but is anonymous) filed a complaint towards another person that I also know for acting indecently towards the complainant. I always knew that person had a...vibe, but I just didn’t know it was going to be the worst vibe possible. I never want to see them ever again because I might actually kick them. When did you last change your opinion on a situation? I haven’t changed my opinions in a while... literally what I can only remember is listening to a few Billie Eilish songs and accepting that she has some okay music lmaoooo, and this was a few months ago. Why did you last visit the doctor? My left eye was acting up so I wanted to have it checked before the lockdown that we all knew was going to happen. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Finishing my thesis. Because duh, I actually did it? Do you like salt? Sure, it makes a lot of food more delicious.

Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Honestly yes. I pride myself on being a good listener, but it doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with listening to everyone. I prefer keeping that opportunity to my close friends. I suppose it’s flattering when people I’m not close to see me as trustworthy, but if I had it my way I wish they went to another person instead. Have you ever regretted what you said in drunken conversation once sober? Sometimes. Is there anything coming up which you're dreading? I’m a little afraid of the period following graduation because it’ll be the first time in 18 years that I’m not in school, and it’ll be such a crazy transition. Let’s hope it doesn’t eat me alive. Anything you're looking forward to? Also the period after graduation, because yay adult life and independence and no more exams and stuff. Idk, lots of mixed feelings about it obviously. Do you ever do tedious tasks just to keep your mind occupied? Yes. It actually really helps and I like having things to do when there’s conflict or tension going on in my personal life. Have you ever lived with somebody with truly repulsive habits? Nah, I don’t think that about my family. Repulsive traits sure, but not habits. Do you tend to say things because they're appropriate not because you mean them? Sometimes, and it’s usually to be polite and/or nice. It costs nothing to tell someone you like someone’s dress or makeup or shirt, and you can even help make their day. What was the last thing to perplex you? Probably some stupid, nonsensical thing Duterte said in one of his addresses. What was the last thing to fascinate you? I rewatched Beyoncé’s Homecoming on Netflix and everything about it fascinated me, as always. I will neverrrr get tired of watching her concerts; she always puts so much love and effort and soul into each show. What was the last thing to annoy you? I don’t feel like getting into it. When did you last work your socks off fruitlessly? A few months ago, in the earlier stages of making our thesis. Andrew and I would often bust our asses into the night, tweaking and researching and editing, and submit our work feeling proud of it only for it to be thrown back at us with a million comments and corrections in bloody red ink. I feel like we got a record number of sermons and unaccepted drafts compared to other students, so it just made me detached from my thesis altogether and in the end I mostly finished it for the sake of finishing it. I’m proud of finishing it of course, but I’m no longer passionate about it like I used to be, and I doubt I’ll ever bring it up in future conversations unless someone asks. When did your hard work last pay off? Today, in the final stages of our thesis. I really wish I loved it more, though. What is a word you hate? Grind makes me uncomfortable lol Do you have a favourite childrens book? Sure. If yes, what is it? Corduroy. I would go to the school library to read it almost everyday; I never got tired of it. I also really liked Tikki Tikki Tembo because his whole name was so fun to pronounce haha. When did you last feel a need to be alone? Last week when it rained and it was cold for the first time in months. The weather made me feel ~some type of way~ and I stayed in my room all day. I wasn’t sad, I really just wanted to savor the weather by myself. When did you last "need" to be around people? Right now. I’ve increasingly been feeling this way by the day.

Have you ever been in a job where you didn't fit in with your co-workers? Not a job, but this was me during my experience applying for a local chapter of an international youth org called AIESEC. I really thought I could fake my way in and I was adamant at first because I like what the org does and besides, AIESEC looks really good on a resumé; but it’s one of the rare times that even faking it didn’t cut it for me. I was miserable and no one talked to me every time I hung out in their lounge, and their org culture was so different from what I’m used to with my home org. I didn’t last long and I ghosted the application process after a month. What do you do to "expand" your mind? For me that’s always best achieved by trying out new things, so I make it a point to have brand-new experiences every time I can. When did you last REALLY want to go out but couldn't for whatever reason? LOL. March to present. Do you need a wee right now? I do not. Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Yeah, loud ‘DUN’ sounds that come with jumpscares, the Windows XP shutdown sound is also weirdly scary to me, and people yelling when they’re drunk. The last one particularly reminds me of fights at home. When did you last eat sweeties? Idk what you mean by sweeties, but the last time I had anything sweet was this afternoon when my dad made churros with a chocolate dip. Do you have a favourite micro-organism? No lol What was the last thing to upset you? The recent news about a wrestler, Shad Gaspard, who was reported missing after he got swept out to sea while at the beach with his family. He told rescuers to save his kid first, but they were never able to find him after. They tried to look for him for several hours but eventually, they called the search off and now he’s presumed to have died. It’s very sad and heavy and a lot to take in. He was one of my favorites growing up because he was in a hilarioussssss tag team with another guy, JTG, and both of them were always so entertaining. It sucks, and 2020 continues to suck. What was the last thing to make you happy? Like I said, I watched Homecoming earlier. Beyoncé always puts me in a better mood, so there’s that. Have you ever eaten chocolate for breakfast? Just hot chocolate. I’ve never eaten like a chocolate bar or anything similar. Do you like balloons? They’re admittedly fun, but I know they can also be harmful to the environment so I don’t buy or use them if it’s even remotely unnecessary to. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Laurice. Does that person have any plans to celebrate their birthday? I’m sure their family has something planned out inside their house, but obviously they can’t celebrate by going out for now. Do you enjoy swimming? Yes. When will you next go to the beach? I have no clue. When at the beach do you like to swim in the sea? Ugh man. Awful timing for these questions... yeah I guess. But I don’t want to think about that now. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? When I was a kid I did name each of my goldfish. Do you like adventure games like Monkey Island and Diskworld? No. Did you ever read the Terry Pratchet "Disk World" books? I did not. If yes to the question above, what are they like? Have you had to change a nappy lately? Nope, no babies around here. Would you like a holiday about now? Not really. It’s not like I can celebrate it or go for a vacation. What's stopping you from going on holiday right now? So tired of saying it every time. If you know you know. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Yes, we do. Have you ever owned chickens? Nope. Super common to just see chickens running about the highway once you reach the province though hahaha. Do you like classical music? Some. I sometimes like listening to classical playlists when I study, but not always. When did you last listen to music? An hour ago. Have you ever seen "Canibal the Musical"? I haven’t. Are your breasts sore? Nopes.

#survey #surveys

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

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speaking of eating things here’s a post about winston’s Food Zone which he apparently amasses around himself while working on the algorithm in kompenso

having multiple drinks within reach at the same time sure is the lifestyle....also i guess if he spills something it’s not Actually going to fuck anything up except [damp bottom of keyboard / monitor stands] but i still love his recklessness

winston i love you.....also reminder that taylor made sure to inform these quants that the kitchen is stocked and winston has it all to himself now but what are the odds he’s cooked something and not just instead refused to step away from things for longer than 5 min

this isn’t anything showing The Food Zone, this is just b/c kompenso overwhelms me and every time Taylor Walks Over or Winston Walks Over i’m like in tears. jesus christ

jumping forward to Algo Is Done now, after some length of time which might be clearer if you went and actually watched this whole episode but all i know is winston is wearing the same outfit as he was during taylor’s previous visit

really just the fact that they put in the detail of “one million energy drinks” like, winston, buddy.....take a nap. also team “rewatches the same clips enough to notice the unimportant continuity errors”.....where’d the chips go. winston and mafee are standing further apart than they were in the immediately previous shot. the monitors’ displays are different than they were in the first scene though lol props to that

go home take a nap!!!

#winston billions #tay is just ready for action in that second scene lol love u taylor......#fire off that Good Work :)#god i tell you that first Win N Tay scene in 3x11.....it's really why we are all here today and i cant ever handle it #oh to clarify i Did mean to say winston and mafee there; i just abruptly am referencing an entirely different episode lol #it's true...in 4x08

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rkmeiqi-archived · 6 years ago

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AUGUST EVALUATION — CENTER PERFORMANCE ! now playing: runaway by pentagon || line distribution ╰ ft. @rkhoon, @rkjimin, @rkkangjoon, @rkxjongsuk, @hyojongrk, @rkkmh, @bambamrk, npc #1, npc #2

when she had first heard about the month’s evaluations, the concept should have excited her. taking on the role as a center in a performance of her choice—for someone who thrives off of attention, this should have been meiqi’s priority for the next 31 days. but life, she hates to say it, worked in callous, unjust ways no matter how hard she tried to rewire her brain to think otherwise. she can’t change facts.

the thought of even going to the nova building didn’t dare cross her mind for the first three days of august. meiqi found temporary purchase in a hospital chair by her cousin’s side, and only when he woke from the coma did she bother to remember that she’s a trainee with responsibilities, and she had disregarded them all without as much as a notice. so, after promising yukhei that she would visit with every chance she had, meiqi took off towards the nova building before any of the staff members noticed (she figured they already had, but were being lenient due to her recent model behaviour).

the lecture she got upon arrival had grated on her nerves. rather than punish her for her sudden disappearance, they wanted to reprimand meiqi for posting a god damn song. there was no “hello, meiqi, how have you been?” or “gee, you look like shit. did something happen?” at that point, she would have preferred to get yelled at for acting rashly so that she could unleash all of the emotions about her cousin that weighed on her shoulders. she hadn’t talked to anyone about it except her aunt, so a few sobs might have gotten her off the hook.

but no. nova didn’t care about anything except the possible profits they could lose off of a mere upload onto soundcloud. despite the staff member being semi-kind, meiqi couldn’t control how… insignificant she felt, and so of course, she had to make it worse.

“i’m not sorry for it.”

she had ranted about it to yukhei that evening, without knowing what else was to come. in a desperate attempt to get her to stop complaining, her cousin offered to help her choose her song for the evaluation (she ended up picking another, but she didn’t tell him that).

in the morning, meiqi had dashed around the seocho complex to find groups to join. initially, she had wanted only one other performance so that she could work on it quickly and then return to the hospital before visiting hours were over. somewhere along the way, after images of yukhei wrapped in bandages kept appearing behind her eyelids every time she blinked, meiqi had joined three other groups so that her mind could constantly be occupied; if she gave it no free time, then maybe she wouldn’t have to think about the fact that she almost lost her cousin the same way she lost her father.

and then those assholes had to make everything worsen, tenfold.

was hyun bin really stooping so low? meiqi couldn’t help but wonder if katie lee would treat her trainees in a similar way, or if she’d be much warmer. she liked to believe the latter, and for once since joining nova, she wished it had been another company.

for the next week, she had to deal with being monitored at a two-to-one ratio from lunch to dinner. the instructors were not kind, but maybe that was because meiqi refused to abide by their rules for the first two days. by day three, she decided to just grit her teeth and smile contemptuously. they had learned that running laps was no hindrance to meiqi, but push ups were; there was no way she was going to get down on that filthy floor, nor was she going to deal with the ache in her arms that followed.

though her afternoons were ruined, meiqi still tried to put her all into practicing each and every performance. rather than going to the hospital as soon as training ended, like she had promised, meiqi stayed until the early hours of the morning. whether it was to practice with other trainees, or to go through the motions of choreography herself, or memorize lines, almost every night consisted of only 3 hours of sleep at most, with the floor as her bed and her jacket as a pillow.

when august 11th came around, it got easier. she didn’t have to worry about the snobbish ladies whose sole job was to torture meiqi. from the texts her aunt sent her, yukhei was also doing much better and would be discharged soon. two of her biggest stressors were gone, and that was the first night meiqi returned back to her apartment and slept in her own bed, for a good 6 hours (she slept like a baby in chungha’s arms). the experience had her feeling refreshed, bringing back her positive attitude so that she could collaborate with her teams to the best of her abilities.

by the time evaluations rolled around, the colour had returned to meiqi’s face and the dark circles under her eyes had almost completely faded away. though her frame looked thinner from the intense weeks prior, most of her energy had returned, and her body was tingling in excitement to finally perform as a center.

she introduces her team and the song she will be performing: runaway by pentagon, and eagerly urges everyone to get in their places.

when the music starts, meiqi steps out into the front. she had practiced her facial expressions in front of a mirror whenever she visited the restroom, and had cycled through many before settling on the perfect one for the opening beats. she found that the best faces were the most natural-seeming ones, especially when it came to being sultry. being in a group of all boys, she had shown them each of her flirtatious expressions to find the best one to showcase; she does so, effortlessly, and hopes that when everyone rewatches these performances in september, they’ll collectively cheer in acknowledgement.

she delivers her first lines easily, what with the lack of movement so far, and they come out loud and smooth as if they were pre-recorded. meiqi comes to the front of the stage, her hand trailing across her neck as she sings: “just leave me alone. you can’t stop me” and then, along with jihoon and another trainee, she drops to her knees.

meiqi’s glad her performance is only the second out of all the groups she’s a part of. she’s not harbouring much prior fatigue from having already taken the stage one too many times, and she doesn’t have to worry as much about carefully pacing herself, since at this point, she has lots to give. the only performance she has done so far is kangjoon’s and it served as more of a warmup-slash-rehearsal for hers.

when meiqi takes center again, this time for the killing part in the chorus, her movements are fluid and concise. she doesn’t hesitate to bite her lower lip at the slow part, before replacing her alluring gaze with an intensely focused one as the choreography gets harder.

while watching the choreography of the song at the beginning of the month, meiqi was most eager to do the part where she could have the spotlight solely on her, to showcase her skills without anyone else moving. it just so happened that, following that split second, meiqi had to get close with one of the trainees.

“i’m being colored gray more and more with a frustrated heart, i close my eyes again oh yeah”

she doesn’t mind physical contact at all. jihoon was another case, but they had practiced enough for her to not dwell on the what-if’s regarding his failure, and just do it. meiqi trusts the boy, and she knows that he’s worked hard to improve and not let his timidity get in the way. when his hand passes down her arm confidently, meiqi has to suppress the proud smile that threatens to ruin her performance. instead, once he grabs her hand, she gives it a quick squeeze, as if to say “good job, you did great” before spinning around and crouching to the floor.

her cousin viian had asked, during one of their routine skype calls, why meiqi had chosen a boy group song instead of a girl group because it would have been easier to balance dancing, expressions, and singing live. meiqi had snorted at the idea. she wanted to display how much she’s improved in the 8 months between her audition and now, but also, why would she ever take the easy way out? meiqi loves the difficult choreography and the sort of elegant vibe that “runaway” has. no girl group song out there right now could take runaway’s place, or even had a chance at doing so.

“take me out, please hold me”

following meiqi’s last line, she can finally throw caution to the wind regarding breath control. she can give her all, knowing that she’s done incredible. in some twisted way, she wants to thank those trainers that pushed her for that first week, because the amount of extra exercise she had done, had done wonders for her stamina. meiqi, despite dancing like she’s never danced before, feels like she could do it a million times more (perhaps that’s good, considering she has two more non-center performances coming up).

the final chorus has meiqi placed in the center, and it feels like she belongs there. ever since she was a kid, she had a feeling that she was born to be in the spotlight, but this performance just solidified the thought. it feels like she’s actually an idol, performing on a music show stage, with cameras capturing her every smirk. she loves it. she wants to feel it again soon.

the song ends with every trainee holding one arm in the air, their heads tilted backwards to stare at their fist. seconds pass before meiqi drops the pose and cracks a smile. she bows a full 90 degrees in the direction of the panel of coaches, hoping they know that she’s being sincere right now rather than how she had been acting two weeks ago, before thanking all of the trainees that had helped let meiqi shine. she hugs each and every one of them, and even if all of their skin is sticky with sweat and they’re still panting to catch their breath, meiqi’s smile doesn’t fade.

#rkaug18eval #tagging bc mentioned:#yukheirk #rkhoon #(very brief)#word count: 1.7k-ish #mmq;solo

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lannisterdaddyissues · 4 years ago

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... 98 cause I’m kinda lazy ❤️

thanks @poetcastiel!! i’m feelin lazy today so im just doing the ones i want because thIS IS WAY TOO MANY AAAA

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? preppy, tomboy, or sportswear are DEFINITELY my aesthetics

10. game you were best at in p.e.? dodgeball or badminton! i was one of the cool popular kids in my pe classes because i was good at everything. i used to have a squad actually and we still text even though it’s been 5 years now

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? toast and eggs or a slice of pumpkin bread!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? the book thief by markus zusak or the prestige by christopher priest! the book thief was assigned tho, the prestige i chose to read for an analysis.

21. obsession from childhood? there were other obsessions besides warrior cats?

28. five songs to describe you? iggy pop - real wild child olly murs - troublemaker little mix - wings britney spears - lucky jojo - how to touch a girl

29. best way to bond with you? by leaving me alone until i beg for attention because i am literally a cat

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? mr bojangles~

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? my older brother used to be OBSESSED with this meme and he’d quote the line to us or send it to us in texts whenever it was popular:

37. suitcase or duffel bag? i like both! but i normally travel by car so i use duffel bags more often. my mom loves vera bradley so she buys me lots of really pretty prints :)

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? jean jacket or cardigan! i love to look put-together and like a million bucks hehe

44. favorite scent for soap? lavender or mint!

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? ugh, i like them all, like really REALLY like them all. i have fandoms in all 3 genres. but you know what...superhero :/

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? just a tshirt lol. my sis bought me a black graphic tee with all the eeveelutions on it for christmas years ago and it’s been my favorite shirt ever since. i try to make good use of it by wearing it every day! and it’s just long enough to keep me warm during the night

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? a cherry or an apple! those ones that are pink on the inside, the pink pearl apples? that’s me bc i’m special even tho i look like everyone else bc my nlog complex is like soooo huge

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.” ~ henry van dyke

52. favorite font? imprint mt shadow my beloved <3

54. what did you learn from your first job? that i don’t want to work in retail when i’m 30. i hate my coworkers.

55. favorite fairy tale? there are a lot that i love, but i think my favorite has always been the little mermaid because it’s what i want for myself one day. even though ariel was weird af and the furthest thing from a normal human being, eric still fell head over heels for her, and that’s always given me hope someone will do the same for me. i also love the second movie because i’ve always wanted to have an adventure like melody did, i rewatched it so much as a kid for wish fulfillment lol

56. favorite tradition? my family’s christmas tradition is to go out and have lunch at the back porch on christmas eve and then watch scrooge (the albert finney christmas carol movie) late at night with chips and dip!

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i’m proud of how good i am at tennis, i’m proud of my skill on the piano, i’m proud of my talent for maths, and i’m proud of my talent for writing!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? obviously a harem are you fucking STUPID? what kind of a question is that? i want my beautiful bishoujo boys to all line up and ask for my hand in marriage ok but actually i’d LOVE to be in a fantasy/adventure anime. NOT an isekai by any means because i would never leave my family, but if i could be born into a fantasy/adventure anime? that would be a dream come true.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? “mistakes ought to be forgiven. recurrent folly should not be, and would not.”

62. seven characters you relate to? marinette dupain-cheng - miraculous ladybug max mayfield - stranger things annie january/starlight - the boys katarina claes - hamefura arya stark - game of thrones luna lovegood - harry potter feng lan/prince - 1/2 prince

66. favorite flower(s)? magnolias and hibiscus flowers! i love hibiscus flowers because i inherited my love for florals and bright colors from my dad and he loves to wear hawaiian print shirts all the time so they remind me of him. magnolias are very important to me because we used to have a lot of magnolia trees in my childhood home. there was one specific magnolia tree that separated my house and my neighbors’ house and i used to climb it every single day. we also buried my first cat beneath a magnolia bush :(

67. good luck charms? idk how to describe it but it’s this little metal toy helicopter i got from my grandfather. the axis is detached from the copter itself and spins on a screw that you can balance on top of the copter to make it spin on its own. my grandfather used to keep it in his office where he read the newspaper in the mornings, and when my family and i visited him i always stayed in the room right next to his office so he would be the first person i greeted every morning. after he passed away a few months ago i took the helicopter home with me as a memento of him because i miss him so much

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? it takes as much force to bite off your finger as it does to bite off a carrot. that’s one of my favorite facts i’ve ever learned

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? overhead lights

93. nicknames? mar online. irl, i just go by my real name unless people ask to call me marcy, which i normally let them because i don’t care and it means they like me lol. my mom is the only person i let call me cellie because it’s her special name for me :)

#ask #reply #poetcastiel #mutual #ask meme

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ewh111 · 4 years ago

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Annual List of Favorite Film Experiences: The 2020 Pandemic Version

Happy new year! So happy to finally arrive at 2021! All the best for a much better new year!!

What a year it was. Since March 12, I've spent 98% of my time within the confines of my condo. The good thing is that as a natural introvert, I have not yet gone stir crazy. I get plenty of social interaction via Zoom. And as a type-2 diabetic, I have been especially careful, staying at home, going out only for essential work or errands, like groceries. I'm grateful that my extended family connected more through the pandemic via weekly 90 minute Zoom family check-ins.

After just two months of work from home, I surpassed the longest time I hadn't been on a plane in over 15 years. (In 2019, I took 42 flights--15 of them international; in 2020, just eight, all prior to the first week of Feb.) As someone who typically travels a lot for work, it's strange to be so stationary. But I'm not complaining. Without the daily commute, travel, and regular schedule of evening and weekend events, I've quietly appreciated the ability to get more sleep, find time to exercise, and even lose some weight. As I reflect upon the past year, I choose to look at the silver-lining and see this period as a positive, massive macro re-balancing of my life.

When things do get back to some semblance of normalcy, the ones who will have the most difficulty adjusting will be these two girls, Freddy and Maxie, who have been so spoiled with attention over the past 10 months.

Now onto this year's favorite film experiences.

What a strange year for film. The last time I experienced a communal movie-going experience was at the Sundance Film Festival back in January. Since 2020 will be remembered as the year of an uber-significant election and home confinement, it seems appropriate to begin this year's conversation with these two themes: democracy and geography, aka places we couldn't travel to.

LESSONS IN DEMOCRACY

Boys State

One of most riveting experiences is my favorite film from the 2020 Sundance Film Festival. This documentary follows four participants in the Texas edition of the week-long Boys State program. The filmmakers lucked out by selecting four boys whose journeys turned out to have fascinating dramatic arcs during the week. What unfolds is a totally engaging microcosm of the political dynamics in the rising generation of voters in America. Trailer: https://youtu.be/E1Kh_T5ZBIM

Hamilton

What a delightful escape from confinement and inability to see live theater by revisiting the stage musical phenomenon via the viewpoints of multi-cameras. It was a new way to appreciate the words, the music, the choreography, and staging of this remarkable work about Alexander Hamilton and his fellow founding fathers. Trailer: https://youtu.be/6s9sNvkjpI0

What the Constitution Means to Me

Missing live theater? Here's another gem to take in. Fast-paced, funny, deeply personal, and defiant, playwright Heidi Schreck plays herself in a mostly one-person show, revisiting her days as a teenager debating the meaning of the Constitution in dingy American Legion halls, linking her personal family history to our country's founding document. Trailer: https://youtu.be/P2zSRdVanDY

Crip Camp

Incredibly inspiring and engaging documentary about Camp Jened, a Catskills summer camp for teens with disabilities in the 1960s and 70s, which prepared many members to become leaders in the movement that eventually led to the passage of the ADA. An important piece of lesser known history and fight for social change and equity. Trailer: https://youtu.be/XRrIs22plz0

TRAVELING WITHOUT LEAVING THE COUCH

My Octopus Teacher (South Africa)

A truly meditative and surprisingly moving documentary. In a kelp forest off the coast of South Africa, a noted underwater photographer documents his, dare I say "friendship," with an octopus whom he visits every day over the course of a year. Trailer: https://youtu.be/b-lbIJHlmbE

76 Days (China)

New York-based filmmaker Hao Wu worked with two journalists in China who recorded harrowing, fly-on-the-wall footage inside four Wuhan hospitals at the epicenter of the COVID-19 outbreak, a clearly risky endeavor unsanctioned by the Chinese government. While this may seem unappealing to watch as we still struggle with the crisis, this apolitical, humanizing, compassionate, and ultimately uplifting film documents and honors the courageous doctors and nurses and their relationships with patients and family members grappling with the unfolding crisis over the course of the full 76 day lock-down in Wuhan. Trailer: https://youtu.be/x_f6-jhbsR4

Your Name Engraved Herein (Taiwan)

The highest ever grossing LGBTQ film in Taiwan, as well as its most popular domestic film in 2020, this is a sensitive, poignant, slow-burn story of coming out and first love in an all-boys Catholic school in a still socially-repressive Taiwan immediately after the lifting of martial law in 1987. Trailer: https://youtu.be/mzfVBg54BGw

A Sun (Taiwan, again)

Driven driving instructor father + marginalized night-club hairstylist mother + high achieving, golden child # 1 son + disowned black sheep younger son serving time in juvenile prison = unhappy family. This multiple winner of Taiwan's version of the Oscar, A Sun is an intricate, engaging, character-driven family drama full of disappointment, redemption-seeking, and tragic setbacks, but uplifting in the end. Trailer: https://youtu.be/LBogLcE2wNQ

Gunda (Norway)

An unusual viewing experience, I did not expect to be so drawn in and highly moved by this intimate, up-close and personal barnyard portrait. A totally mesmerizing and beautifully filmed, black and white, wordless and scoreless documentary (only ambient farm sounds with no humans in sight)--just a sow named Gunda and her piglets with interludes by a one-legged rooster and herd of cows. And yes, there's a subtle message. Trailer: https://youtu.be/05Gc2lANyTQ

The Painter and the Thief (Norway, again)

An intriguing and fascinating documentary about the strange and complicated story of a female Czech artist, whose two most important paintings are stolen from an Oslo art gallery in broad daylight, and the thief who turns out to be an addiction-addled male nurse who she unexpectedly befriends during the trial. Trailer: https://youtu.be/LKBiKDZSf_c

Mucho Mucho Amor (Puerto Rico)

The story of the iconic fortune-teller with millions of followers in the Spanish-speaking world: the bedazzled and caped, effervescently flamboyant, gender non-confirming, Puerto Rican television astrologer Walter Mercado. Disappearing from the airwaves without a trace in 2007 after decades of daily uplifting telecasts, no one knew what happened or where he had gone. Until these filmmakers tracked him down. Here, they tell his story in this loving portrait of the legend, in time to participate in an exhibition dedicated to his 50 year career at a Miami museum before his death last year. Trailer: https://youtu.be/XEJqiucxyrs

Welcome to Chechnya (Russia)

A gut-wrenching and chilling documentary about courageous activists who help LGBTQ individuals flee the repressive regime of Chechnya where violent, homophobic beatings and executions play out regularly and whose leader denies the existence of gay people in his republic. The doc plays like a menacing thriller with the filmmaker going to great lengths to protect the identities using elaborate digital facial disguises. Trailer: https://youtu.be/GlKkj_aHMXk

Tenet (Russia, the Amalfi Coast, Oslo, the future, and the past, among other places)

This is not an easy film to like. One of the most anticipated on my list of "must sees," but the pandemic delayed my viewing till its recent VOD release. Was it worth the wait? Well, it was almost incomprehensible for the first third. But it is here because I'm still thinking about it long after watching and is high on my list to rewatch. To enjoy on first viewing, you should stop trying to figure it out and just let it wash over you and enjoy the ride--it will eventually make (some) sense. Despite all its complexities, Christopher Nolan's ambitious concept boils down to a simple plot: rich Russian bad guy (Kenneth Branagh) wants to end the world and an unnamed secret agent-type guy known only as the Protagonist (John David Washington) tries to stop him. Oh, and there's reverse entropy. And inverted time. And yeah, there are spectacular scenes with time moving forward and backwards at the same time. Like its title, the film is one giant palindrome. Trailer: https://youtu.be/AZGcmvrTX9M

Apollo 11 (Space)

Watching this documentary is like witnessing Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins, and Buzz Aldrin's mission unfold before your eyes live, in real time. Put together from previously unreleased, stunningly crisp, and beautiful archival footage and communications audio from NASA, this is a breathtaking experience that captures the awe of the achievement without talking heads or commentary. Trailer: https://youtu.be/tpLrp0SW8yg

HOW TO DEAL WITH DEATH

Soul

This time out, Pixar tackles existential questions, like what it means to be alive and what is the "before life" in this metaphysically jazzy and terrifically "soulful" film featuring a predominantly Black cast. Trailer: https://youtu.be/xOsLIiBStEs

Dick Johnson is Dead

One would not expect a filmmaker's decision to document her father's descent into old age and dementia to be such an enjoyable and amusing ride. The result is a uniquely comic and bittersweet approach on how to handle his mortality, including envisioning and staging various ways he might accidentally hasten death. Her inspired choice to embrace the time left with her father in this way is endearing and touching without being sentimental. (And the director happens to be a college classmate: Kirsten Johnson, Brown '87.) Trailer: https://youtu.be/wfTmT6C5DnM

AND THREE MORE

Mank

David Fincher masterfully tells the tale of Herman Mankiewicz, the writer of Citizen Kane. Part social history, part examination of the underbelly of Hollywood's Golden Age, part homage to Orson Welles and Citizen Kane, the film is beautifully and evocatively shot in lush black and white with standout performances by Gary Oldman as Mank, Amanda Seyfried as Marion Davies, and a screenplay by Fincher's late father, Jack. Trailer: https://youtu.be/aSfX-nrg-lI

David Byrne's American Utopia

An exhilarating and spirited concert film by Spike Lee who beautifully captures the exuberant grey-suited, bare-footed David Byrne and his similarly wardrobed bandmates on a minimalist stage--a perfect remedy for home-confined and connection-starved human beings during these unusual times. The Byrne-Lee pairing perfectly "makes sense" as you take in the penultimate number, a cover of Janelle Monáe’s "Hell You Talmbout." Trailer: https://youtu.be/lg4hcgtjDPc

Sound of Metal

A character study of self-discovery and emotional truths, Riz Ahmed gives a riveting performance as a heavy metal rock drummer who suddenly loses his hearing. The immersive experience is enhanced with the film's amazing sound design. Trailer: https://youtu.be/VFOrGkAvjAE

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (perhaps the film most representative of the craziness of 2020), Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (great performances by Viola Davis and Chadwick Boseman), The Personal History of David Copperfield, Da 5 Bloods, The Way I See It, The Invisible Man, Trial of the Chicago 7, I Lost My Body, The Life Ahead, Wolfwalkers, The Bee Gees: How Do You Mend A Broken Heart.

In the Queue

Minari, Nomadland, Bacurau, Small Axe, Beanpole, The Forty Year Old Version.

2020: THE YEAR OF NON-STOP STREAMING

Honestly, given the lack of traditional theatrical releases, I did spend an inordinate amount of time streaming shows than I normally would. It has made me wonder about the challenges of narrative storytelling in the 90-120 minute format vs. the longer episodic format which is so much more conducive to storytelling and character development.

MY TOP 30-SOME FAVORITE PANDEMIC STREAMING EXPERIENCES

In descending order of bingey-ness--is that a word?--i.e., inability to stop watching episode after episode. (And occasional commentary...)

Dark (Netflix)--I gave this German series a special shout-out last year (Twin Peaks + Stranger Things + The Wire + time travel), and season 3 finally arrived this summer. So good, I devoured it twice in one week. Complex, mind-bending, and addictively dense storytelling with time travel that makes sense (Tenet, take note) and super satisfying series finish. Ultimately unraveling the intertwined family tree of all the time-traveling characters will make your head spin for days.

Money Heist (Netflix)--I needed something to replace my addictive need after Dark, and four seasons of this Spanish heist/thriller fit the bill perfectly. Plus, I think the series is rich in lessons on organizational behavior and leadership development/dynamics. Dissertation, anyone?

The Umbrella Academy (Netflix)--Not a genre I typically find appealing (superheroes), but I loved the combination of family dysfunction, sibling rivalry, humor, and more time travel. After finishing the two seasons, I really missed the characters and can't wait for next season. And as a JFK assassination buff, I loved that season 2 took place in Dallas,1963.

The Queen's Gambit (Netflix)--Girl survives car crash in which mom dies, grows up to be charming woman who is addicted to alcohol and does chess.

The Flight Attendant (HBO Max)--Girl survives car crash in which dad dies, grows up to be charming woman who is addicted to alcohol and serves first class. But not anything like The Queen's Gambit.

The Great* (Hulu)--Wickedly dark comedic period piece (Catherine the Great's 18th century Russia) with colorblind casting where scheming powerful people plot to get out of loveless marriage.

Bridgerton (Netflix)--A light romantic period piece (Regent era England) with colorblind casting where scheming powerful people and debutantes try to get into marriage and maybe find love.

Tiger King (Netflix)

The Crown (Netflix)

Sex Education (Netflix)

The Last Dance (Netflix)

Better Call Saul (Netflix)

Never Have I Ever (Netflix)--Best narrator ever!

Ozark (Netflix)

Watchmen (HBO Max)

Ugly Delicious 2 (Netflix)--David Chang is back with interesting take on food and culture. The classism of steak-eating?

Flavorful Origins (Netflix)

The Great British Baking Show Season 11 (Netflix)

Pen15 (Hulu)

Mrs. America (Hulu)

The Good Place (Netflix)

Ted Lasso (Apple TV)

Alex Rider (Prime)

Love, Victor (Hulu)

Giri/Haji (Netflix)

Ratched (Netflix)

The Undoing (HBO Max)

Lovecraft Country (HBO Max)

Zerozerozero (Prime)

Industry (HBO Max)

The Boys (Prime)

What We Do In the Shadows (Hulu)

We Are Who We Are (HBO Max)

Pose (Netflix)

Normal People (Hulu)

Indian Matchmaking (Netflix)

Middleditch & Schwartz (Netflix)

Schitts Creek (Netflix)--Don't be put off by this comic treasure being so low on the binge scale. The series gets better with each season, and I'm slowly watching it because I know the end is coming, and I don't want it to end.

#bestmovies2020 #bestTV2020 #favoritefilms2020

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andistillgetbutterflies · 4 years ago

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to grief:

I haven’t written here in a while and I think it’s because I’ve felt less sad about life in general. Yea, there are still days where I feel like I’ll never find happiness, but those days don’t out number the ones where I truly feel content. That is until this week.

I’ve loved watching glee since the beginning. The characters are the same age as me so as I went through high school, it felt like I really knew these characters and are going through it with them. At first, I really loved glee for the songs and the humour and even the teen drama that seemed so relatable yet far fetched to me. My high school had musical theatre, which I was very much involved in, and my friends and I weren’t bullied for it. In fact, we were praised. We were the cool kids and even got away with avoiding school work because the drama teacher loved us so much and would call our other teachers for us.

Just like the glee characters, there were a lot of “incest” hookups and drama caused by who was dating who and who liked who and who kissed who. But it was a nice way to bond with people who are seniors and get invited to cool parties.

During the time I watched glee, I realized more and more how much I enjoyed watching Santana’s character. She was witty, sarcastic, and had a no fucks given attitude that always kept her 100% real. I pride myself in trying to be as real as possible so she was definitely a character I drew towards. Throughout the years, even during the horrible season 5 and 6, I still kept up watching the show, mostly watching for Santana. I’d like to say she carried the show, but reality is I saw a lot of myself in her. The more I watched, the more I became interested in the actors. I’ve always wanted to be famous - I mean I did audition for Disney once. So I’ve found myself drawn to the actors, especially Naya Rivera who played Santana on the show. I’ve imagined ways I’d bump into the cast and how that’ll easily transition into a friendship. So I guess my imagination really brought us closer than we were.

During COVID-19 and quarantine, I decided to rewatch glee again. The convenience of Netflix and me being laid off gave me insomnia and glee was the perfect fix. I get to sing along and relive my high school years and remember why I loved this show so much. I once again started imagining what it would be like if I moved to LA and how I’d be able to befriend them, even after all these years. My obsession came back as if no years has passed between high school and now. So when the news of Naya Rivera’s passing broke, that hit me hard.

I’ve never understood why people mourned celebrities they’ve never met. I know people cried when Michael Jackson died or when Whitney Houston died. But I never understood it. How can you feel for someone so deeply if you’ve never met them and you don’t even know who they really are? I guess now I know how it feels.

During the days she went missing, I constantly refreshed every social media page I had and the other cast members to see if I would receive any updated news. I constantly had the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t shake it off no matter how hard I tried.

When the press conference finally announced they found a body in the lake and it was her, I lost sense of reality. It was like time stopped and I didn’t want to believe this was real. I constantly felt sad, and every time I refreshed my social media, someone was mourning her which made me more sad. I couldn’t control the tears that were falling down my face and I couldn't, still can’t, grasp exactly why it hit me so hard. She will always be a part of my growing up and I will forever thank her for the excitement she brought me through her character. But that’s not the only reason why I’m sad.

I’ve always been terrified of death. When I went to church as a kid, a youth pastor pulled each of us aside and explained the concept of heaven. I broke down crying and couldn’t understand what that meant and how that was guaranteed. “Will I see my mom and dad again?”, I asked. I couldn’t fathom that this life ends and that everything I know or have will disappear and I won’t even know or feel it. So to me, everything that means ANYTHING to me at all, I try not to think about it ending. Almost like everything related to me can escape death. So when I found out about Naya, my reaction was, what do you mean she’s gone? How can she be alive yesterday and gone today? I literally just saw her Instagram story and her tweeting. I didn’t, and still don’t, quite understand it.

As you can probably tell, I haven’t lost a lot of people in my life, or at least people I remember losing. The closest to my memory would be my aunt who was battling cancer, but I was very young and the only grief I remember having is seeing my mother in the back seat of the car bawling her eyes out after hearing a certain song on our way to go fishing. I’d never forget that look.

And as I continued my grief, silently of course, because my Asian parents would never understand, I thought I’d reach out to my best friend. He’s very special to me and someone that I really fell in love with. The last person I ever loved til this day. We always played phone tag and would check in on each other every now and then. We would always try to be happy for each other on whatever we’re up to and try to encourage each other to chase our dreams. We’re both Gemini’s so we’re ambitious like that. To my surprise, he responded “who is this”. This never happens, because he usually says its him and he knows my number since I haven’t changed it since 2012. That’s when I get a call from him.

I was hesitant to answer at first because I was nervous. I always got nervous around him, even after all these years. But when I picked up, a woman answered. To be honest, I thought it was his girlfriend and she didn't want me messaging him. He always had a lot of girlfriends, some were crazier than others so I wasn’t too surprised. But, it wasn’t. I wish it was a crazy girlfriend. Instead, it was his mom.

His mom remembered my name, I even met her once. I was happy to hear that he talked about me to her because it shows that I meant something to him. But I cannot believe what she said next.

“Carter passed away on July 3, we actually had a funeral last Thursday.”

What. The. Fuck.

As I continue to stutter and apologize for having to put his mom in this situation, I can’t help but wonder what happened. So as I tiptoed around the subject I finally asked, “was it sudden?”

“He killed himself. I try to be honest about it. I don’t know if he told you about his mental health problems, but he’s been sad for a long time.”

I knew about his depression and mental health struggles. I knew that he had a rough childhood and he resented his dad for leaving him. He fought with his mom all the time, and she kicked him out on multiple occasions. But he found love from his grandparents, which are who he stayed with most of the time. I knew all this, but I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. I wish I had.

Ever since we were kids, I’ve always tried to be a good influence to him. I even tried to convince him to come to summer school with me, which let’s be honest, he barely showed up for school during the year and that was mandatory so why would he ever go to summer school. But he entertained the idea for me, like he always did with everything I suggested. I guess he didn’t want to disappoint me. And as we grew up and grew apart, mostly because he moved and changed schools a million times and I went off to University in a different province, we still kept in touch. He has always struggled with finding a passion and what he wanted to do with his life. First he wanted to make music, which he did for a while, then he turned to art. I thought this would be his biggest break through, his art was amazing. I suggested he should be a tattoo artist since he loved tattoos and is clearly good at drawing. So when we chatted back in March of 2019, he had let me know he is restructuring himself and even went to an open house at OCAD and centennial to enrol if he doesn’t hear back from a tattoo apprenticeship. Then December 2019 came around and he let me know he was in a transitional phase with his art and might want to go into animation so he could work from home. He even suggested he’d come visit me in Montreal. I know he never would, but just the fact that he suggested made me so happy. We even tried to make plans to meet up, I really wish I had pressed him for these plans because maybe he needed to see me for a reason.

Nothing until now had been a red flag for me. I tried to always be positive and whatever dream he was chasing after next, I tried to be supportive and reaffirm that he did have talent and he will figure it out. But in February, his art on Instagram had taken a darker turn. I didn’t notice at first because he posted sporadically and also the Instagram algorithm only gives you a piece a time so if you didn’t go on his profile you wouldn't see the full picture. But his Instagram story caught my eye. It was a post along the lines of if he died, no one would even care. I immediately messaged him letting him know I would. He said thank you and quickly changed the topic to visiting me again in Montreal. I should’ve said something more. I should've called him because he clearly wasn’t being honest.

When I moved back home this summer thanks to COVID, something inside of me kept telling me to text him. If only I had texted him a couple of weeks earlier. If only I had reached out to him then. Maybe, this would’ve changed everything.

I always thought we would’ve found our way back into each others lives. I’ve played over a million scenarios in my head of how we’d be as close as we were back in high school. I even imagined the day I had the guts to tell him how much I’ve loved him and how long I loved him for. But now I’ll never get the chance.

I wish he saw how much he meant to me. How I’d smile when I see his name come up on my blackberry messenger with an incoming text. Or when he’d call me babe even though we weren’t dating. A friend who read over my shoulder used to laugh at me because the way we texted sounded cheesier and more in a relationship than my friend and her actual boyfriend. He always thought he was a ball of darkness, but he never knew how much light he brought into my life. To me, he’ll always be that kid we spent hours in Toys R Us sitting in children couches, hiding from the staff and talking about life. The goofy guy who photobombed a family at the CNE, and when the family saw, they just laughed because that’s just how charming he was. The guy who my parents picked up from his house to drive us to the movies and they even caught us, you behind me with your arms around me while we waited to be picked up (my mother immediately decided to have the birds and the bees talk with me the next day at a Swiss Chalet, thanks for that). And as we got older, we promised to marry each other if we were still single by 30, it was one of those promises we made to each other prompted by a silly rom com. But he didn’t even hesitate. He even agreed to have a skydiving wedding with me and say “I Do” in the air. He was the first person I told about this crazy sky diving onto an island wedding idea and like always, supported me even when I’m out of my mind. To me, he was perfect.

Right from the beginning he said to me “don’t fall in love with me”, at the time he had a few unfaithful relationships and a few toxic ones. He thought he wasn’t worth me loving him because he would ruin everything.

Well Carter Avery Benitez, from the day I stalked your Facebook after only meeting you for an evening at your ex girlfriends house and messaged you, desperately wanting to get to know you, there was no way I wouldn’t fall in love with you. You’ll always have a special place in my heart. June 13, 1994 - July 3, 2020, rest in paradise my love.

#rant #trigger: death #trigger: suicide

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sherlock-one-shots · 7 years ago

Text

Pushed Aside (Sherlock X Reader)

(Gif is not mine. Originally posted by this user)

This was requested by anonymous: I just rewatched the Irene Adler episode and I need something where Reader confronts Sherlock about being pushed to the side during the ordeal. (Bonus points if an unintended pregnancy can be worked into it)

Alright, ladies and gents, here we go! Warning: A bit of swearing (only one or two curse words, I think, nothing absolutely horrible).

You sighed after his phone. Except the sighs were much different. The one that came from his phone came from the scum of the earth and was one of pleasure. Yours was one of pure annoyance. Seventeen texts from Irene Adler this morning alone. Seventeen times that phone went off. Seven times you restarted your story. Ten times he didn’t ask you to continue. Just checked his phone. He never replied. He told you so himself and you believed it, you never saw him type a word. But he checked it and that was enough to make your blood boil. It ruined your morning, it ruined your night the night before, it ruined your mood, and was in the process of ruining your relationship and sanity. You had met Irene Adler in her home, as she flaunted around, naked, wearing nothing but a full face of makeup and heels that would have broken your feet in two seconds flat. You had to admit, if you looked like her you might walked about naked as well, but you didn’t (at least you didn’t think so). But it was worse when she shoved her nakedness right in Sherlock’s face, ignoring the fact that you, his wife, was sitting right there, watching it all. John sensed your annoyance but Sherlock, however, did not. He put his phone back in his pocket, putting his hands in the prayer position underneath his chin and closing his eyes. Thinking about the woman, you thought bitterly. No doubt about it. XXXXXXX The phone hadn’t made a sound in almost three hours (a new record!). Now was your chance. Nervously, you sat in John’s chair, across from Sherlock. John was out getting the shopping, and Sherlock had been in a great mood all evening, so it was the perfect moment. It was as if all of the stars aligned. “Hey.” You said, getting his attention. He stared at you, brow raised. He could tell you were nervous and he didn’t know exactly why. “Hello.” He responded. “Can we talk?” “We’re talking right now.” You cocked your head, trying not to smile. “You know what I mean, Holmes.” “Yes, I know what you mean.” he nodded. You waited for him to say something, giving the ‘okay’ for you to continue. He did so with a nod. “Oh, well...” You didn’t know how to word it, you hadn’t really planned how you were going to tell him. “Well, I know we never really…..talked about….” you shrugged, still trying to find the words. Just as you found them and quickly formulated a speech in your head, the phone moaned and his attention shifted. “Hold that thought.” he said, quickly getting up and walking to the other side of the room to retrieve his mobile. You didn’t hold that thought, though. You let the thought die and decided that you would tell him some other time when he was free from all distractions. You would just plan a doctor’s visit alone, go alone, and wonder if he’ll notice, or look up from the moaning phone as you walk in and out of 221B, ever-growing. You rose from the chair, going back to your shared bedroom, trying to stop yourself from slamming the door loudly enough that he might notice. XXXXXXX “You alright?” John asked, sitting beside you on the couch, a drink in hand. “Fine, why?” “Well, you just...” he shrugged. “You’ve seemed upset the past few days. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” “I’m fine.” You answered shortly. John didn’t buy it, though. “Is it about Irene?” You didn’t answer which was all the answer he needed. “Look, I understand that it’s annoying, but this is all going to blow over soon. This case will end and he’ll find another one that catches his attention.” “Are you sure about that?” You wondered. “He does really seem to like her. Pushing me to the side just to check her texts, paying a lot of attention to her. He has to, knowing her measurements and all.” You argued. “I’m sure he knows everyone’s, hers were just...relevant in the moment.” He said slowly. You sighed, leaning back against the couch. “Are you worried? That he might come to like her more than you?” “She did make quite the impression.” You answered. “And she’s much more interesting than I am.” “(Y/N), Listen to me, if Sherlock Holmes falls in love with another woman then Hell would have frozen over. It doesn’t take a genius to see how in love he is with you.” “I wish I could see it now.” XXXXXXX “Good morning.” Sherlock greeted you as you entered the kitchen the next day, still in pyjamas, hair a mess. “Morning.” You said quickly, hoping you wouldn’t get interrupted again. You weren’t on Sherlock’s levels of observation by no means, but you picked up a few things. You could tell that Sherlock hadn’t slept much last night and his phone was in his back pocket as opposed to his jacket pocket-easier to get to. “Did you sleep well?” “Fine.” You nodded. You could feel his eyes following you as you made you breakfast. “Are you alright?” He asked a bit hesitantly. He could tell you were upset. “Peachy.” “Liar.” “I’m fine.” You snapped. Honestly, you didn’t want to talk to him at all. You two maintained eye contact. Sherlock was confused while you were furious. The phone hadn’t even gone off yet. Hormones, you guessed. But your anger was justified. The phone moaned, as if on cue, and you took a deep breath. “Liar.” He repeated. This time he didn’t even reach for his phone. You had his attention now, and you didn’t even want it. You huffed, turning back to your breakfast. “(Y/N), what’s the matter.” “What makes you think anything is wrong?” You asked, ready to debunk any reasons he might suggest, only to get him off of your back. “You’re being very short-” “I’m tired.” “-you’re being incredibly passive-aggressive,” “When am I not?” “-and you have been trying to tell me something the past few days but you never finish. You’re nervous about something-something’s wrong and I would like to know what it is.” “Well maybe if you paid attention to anyone but Irene Adler for the past few days you would be able to figure it out, genius.” You answered. “That’s what this is about? Irene Adler? A case?” “A woman.” You corrected him. “A woman who gets your attention every time she moans through your phone.” “Oh, you know as well as I do that I didn’t set that as the text alert noise!” “Well you haven’t changed it!” You yelled. He stayed silent, not having an answer. You were right. You took the opportunity to keep going. “Since the moment Irene Adler walked in naked, flaunting her assets, you haven’t been able to pay attention to anything, or anyone else. I have been trying to tell you something. Something incredibly important, but every time, she texts you, and you just get up and leave. You look at the text and I’m left hanging. I don’t care that you look at them, if it’s really for the case, like you say, but I’ve been pushed aside this whole time. You’ve only cared about Irene Adler and whatever interesting things she’s been telling you. Those texts have got to be pretty damn good if you drop everything to read them.” Silence, once again. “If you like her more than you like me, I don’t blame you.” You told him honestly. “I think she’s downright horrible, but she’s interesting, better looking-” “Beauty is a social construc-” He didn’t get to finish. “-and all around a better fit for you. Just tell me and I can find somewhere for us to go.” “’Us’?” Sherlock asked. “Yes, ‘us’?” “Who is ‘us’? Would you take John with you?” He asked. “No.” “Then who?” You only stared at him, watching his face go from pure, complete confusion, to revelation. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the past few days.” “You’re pregnant?” “That’s what Irene Adler was more important than.” “Pregnant?” he asked quietly, almost as if he didn’t believe it. You had no idea how he would react-if he would be happy and excited, like you were, or upset, since it wasn’t really planned. The two of you never really talked about kids at length, but both of you agreed that, with Sherlock’s line of work, it might not be such a great idea. “Yes.” You stared at each other, waiting for the other one to move or speak. “Do you really, really think” Sherlock began slowly. “that I would choose Irene Adler over you?” “Yes.” He looked hurt. Beyond hurt. “Never.” He shook his head, taking small steps towards you. “Never in a million years.” “Then why is she so interesting to you?” You wondered. It just didn’t make sense to you. “Because she’s a case. She got the best of me, getting the photos back, and Mycroft told me not to get involved. I can’t help it, I have to take the case if it’s something Mycroft forbids.” he attempted to make you laugh. You weren’t as angry anymore, just confused, and you couldn’t help but crack a small smile at the childish mentality your husband had regarding his brother. “It’s an interesting case, I have to admit that. There’s much more to this case than meets the eyes, much more than I can see. But that’s all it is, (Y/N). That’s all she is. A case. “And I’m sorry.” He apologized. “For not listening to you, I mean. I should have. I have no excuses for that.” You didn’t know what to say. You just pressed your lips together and nodded. “Are you alright?” He asked again. You only nodded. “I mean, with the baby. Everything’s fine? Nothing’s wrong?” “Everything's alright.” You nodded again. “Just a bit of morning sickness, but nothing too serious. I haven’t been to the doctor yet.” “When do you go?” “Monday.” You had made the appointment that previous evening, while Sherlock was out. “I’ll clear my schedule for Monday, then.” He grinned. “And you’re fine?” I asked. “What with?” “With the baby, I mean. I thought we agreed not to have kids. Not yet, anyway.” You were worried about his response and he thought about it for a few, agonizing seconds. “It’s not something that we planned, (Y/N), and it’s a shock, one that’ll really hit me in a few minutes, I believe, but we’ll be fine.” He walked closer to you, placing his hands on your shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “They’ll be loved, one of the most protected babies in Britain, and they’ll have the best mother in the world.” You rolled your eyes. “It’s true. You have a kind and gentle heart, they’ll adore you almost as much as we’ll adore them. I guarantee it.” “And you know it all?” You asked. “Of course I do. I’m Sherlock Holmes.” he joked. You swatted his chest. “You’re an arrogant git.” You responded, gently pushing him away. “Now, let me make my breakfast. I’m starving.” The phone moaned, but Sherlock didn’t leave your side, helping you prepare your morning meal and eating with you, both of you conversing without distraction. I hope this is what you wanted. And I got the pregnancy in there! Thank you so much for this request, I had so much fun writing it! Requests are OPEN!

#sherlock oneshot #sherlock reader insert #sherlockxreader #bbc sherlock #sherlock #Irene adler #reader insert

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