#I was supposed to post this in the morning but I accidentally mixed it up with the other post 😬

[arttsuka]

Cowboy Octavius is just the singer Red Leather right down to the daddy issues thank you and goodnight!

You are so right

[nana-gumi]

devoted f.toji

pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader

cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k

a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers 🥹 i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon

despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.

happy ending | alternate angst ending

being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.

toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.

toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.

you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.

you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.

when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.

being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.

that's what you loved, no– love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.

and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.

-

you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.

"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.

"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."

"i know."

"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.

you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.

"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.

-

you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.

"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.

"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.

"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.

"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.

"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.

"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.

"i―" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.

after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.

"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.

toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.

you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.

"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.

"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.

"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.

"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."

"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"

"ma―" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.

"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.

"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.

"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.

finally. he thought.

"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.

"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.

"i was surprised too."

"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.

"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.

"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.

he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.

"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.

-

you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.

"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"

"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.

"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.

"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.

"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."

"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.

"yes, now go and sleep okay?"

"okay."

-

megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.

"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.

"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.

-

"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.

"she's not sad-"

"yes she is."

"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.

-

megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.

"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.

"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.

"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.

"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.

"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.

-

it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.

why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.

"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"

"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.

"pancakes or rice?"

"rice!"

"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.

"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."

"sure, let's go out after we eat."

-

toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.

"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.

"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.

-

you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.

"toji? are you there?" you called.

it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.

this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.

once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?

toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.

"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.

and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.

toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago

he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.

"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.

"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.

"papa will go with us later!" he said.

"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.

he laughs at your reaction.

"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.

"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.

"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.

maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.

-

"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."

"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."

"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."

"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."

"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."

"okay, see you next time then?"

"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.

"of course, thank you. bye."

"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.

he was eavesdropping.

toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.

"a friend of mine."

"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.

you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.

"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?

sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.

-

toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.

toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.

toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.

toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.

toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.

"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."

toji was the man of your dreams.

he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.

"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.

sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.

toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.

there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.

toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.

now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.

you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.

for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.

-

toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.

"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.

"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.

"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"

"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.

you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.

"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.

"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.

"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.

"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"

"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."

"are you okay with that?" you asked.

"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.

but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.

"not gonna answer my question?"

"oh? what was it again?"

"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."

"toji-"

"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."

"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.

"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.

"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.

every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.

"good night." you mumbled.

"good night." he replied and everything was dark.

i love you, toji.

those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.

-

toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.

toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.

"i love you, toji."

he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.

"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.

he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.

is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.

toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.

it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?

you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.

-

"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.

toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.

"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.

a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.

"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."

"i'll say it if you want."

"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.

"yeah, i guess so."

-

you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.

you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.

"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.

he doesn't need to know.

"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"

-

you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.

toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.

he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.

why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.

toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.

he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.

he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.

"is there a patient named (name)?"

"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."

"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"

-

"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.

megumi approached you as he embraced you.

"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.

"a while ago.."

"where's your papa?"

"i woke up when he left."

"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"

-

as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.

"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.

"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.

she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.

"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"just went out. who's that for?"

"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.

"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.

toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.

"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.

"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.

"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.

toji didn't left the room that day.

you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.

you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.

"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.

"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.

"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.

you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.

"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?

"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.

"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.

"i'm not. why asking?"

"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.

you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?

it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.

"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.

"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"

"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.

you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.

"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."

you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?

as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.

heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.

maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.

-

"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"

"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.

not bad. toji thought.

"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."

"i know." toji replied.

choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.

"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.

"yes, i want to talk to you."

both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.

-

toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.

"what's funny." toji rasped.

"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"

"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."

"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.

"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."

"(name) told me a lot about you."

"i'm hoping it's the good ones."

"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.

"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.

"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."

"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.

"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"

"no, she doesn't." toji said.

"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."

"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked

"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."

"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?

-

"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.

you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?

you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.

you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.

-

"toji!" you scolded.

it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.

"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.

you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.

only because of the stupid words you said.

"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.

"let go." he mumbled.

"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.

"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.

toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.

"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.

you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.

he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.

"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.

"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.

toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.

"mama." megumi cried.

"it's fine now, he's just tired."

"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.

maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.

-

you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.

you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.

megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.

he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.

"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.

megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.

megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.

he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.

you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.

you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.

megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.

"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"

"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.

-

"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.

"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.

"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.

"okay, i love you mama."

"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."

-

when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.

he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.

toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.

"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.

megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.

"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.

"ha? where's she?"

"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.

toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.

toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.

megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.

"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."

-

"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.

"no." toji responded plainly.

"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.

-

toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.

he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.

he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.

you saw him as you sit up from the bed.

"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.

toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.

"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.

"i already drove him to school."

"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"

-

has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.

is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?

you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?

toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.

he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.

megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.

"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.

toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.

"(name)." he called.

"mh?"

"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."

not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.

the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.

megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.

megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.

but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.

"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.

"i said i'm sorry." he said.

"it's fine, you were drunk."

"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.

"don't worry, it's not that deep."

it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.

you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.

you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.

"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"

"yes."

"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.

"really?"

"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."

"but i do take rest."

"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"

"n-no."

"you're lying."

"i'm not."

"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.

"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.

"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."

"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.

"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.

"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.

"are you even hearing yourself?"

"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."

"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."

"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."

"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.

"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.

"(name). take a proper rest."

-

you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.

the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.

"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.

he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.

"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.

"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.

"i'm here." you said.

"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.

and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.

"why did you leave me?" he said.

there he goes again.

"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.

why does looking at him hurts.

"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."

what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?

you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.

"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."

-

you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.

"mama!" he said as he embraced you.

"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"

"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.

"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.

"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."

"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.

"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."

your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.

"of course, mama won't leave. never."

"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.

"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.

"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.

"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.

"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.

"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.

"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.

"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.

"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.

-

toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.

he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.

"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.

"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."

"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.

"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.

"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.

"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.

slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.

"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.

"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.

'can you stay please?'

how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.

toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.

"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.

"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.

toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.

"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.

"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.

"don't be stubborn."

"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.

"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.

speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.

"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.

"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"

"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."

-

"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.

"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.

toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.

"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.

"ahh." he instructed.

"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.

"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"

"just let me!!"

"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.

it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.

"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."

it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.

you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.

"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.

-

why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.

you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.

why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.

-

toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.

"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.

seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.

-

you were startled when the door opens.

it was toji carrying a new blanket.

"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.

"what about your work?"

"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.

"oh. thank you."

"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.

"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"

-

"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.

"megumi, don't get to close." you said.

"mama! are you okay?"

"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.

"you said mama is not sick!"

"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.

"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.

toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.

"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.

"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.

"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.

toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.

"i'm sorry." he said.

"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.

"earlier. i didn't mean it."

oh.

"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."

"ha?"

"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.

he was quiet and must be thinking about it.

"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.

"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.

"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.

"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.

you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.

"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.

you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.

"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.

"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."

he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.

he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.

"toji-"

"shh.. i do not regret any of it."

"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."

"but i am resting!"

"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."

"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.

"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."

"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"

"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.

"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.

you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.

"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.

-

"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.

toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.

"when did you found out?" you asked.

"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.

"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.

"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.

"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.

"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.

"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.

"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."

"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.

"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.

"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."

"you don't understand it, toji." you said.

"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.

"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.

when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?

toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.

"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.

you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.

you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.

that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.

-

toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.

"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.

"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.

"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.

"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.

"what do you mean?" he asked.

"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."

he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.

"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.

he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.

-

"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.

"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.

"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."

"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."

"why'd you even ask?"

"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.

"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.

"my son." you said with a smile.

"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."

"ok, i will."

-

"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.

he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.

"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.

"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."

"why?"

"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.

"it's fine." you said.

toji was watching you and his son interact.

megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.

it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.

-

megumi was running around the house as he call for you.

"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.

"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.

"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"

"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."

"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.

"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."

"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"

"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.

"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.

megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.

-

megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.

"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.

toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.

"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."

"mama get home soon, okay?"

"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."

after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.

-

megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.

"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.

he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.

he was blaming himself.

he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.

is it a right choice to finally love you?

maybe not.

first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.

toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.

toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.

toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.

"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.

"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."

"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.

"it's not if you stop focusing on it."

"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.

"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.

"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.

"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."

"thank you, 'gumi."

"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.

"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.

"why?" you asked.

"papa misses you, mama."

"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.

"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.

-

megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.

he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.

"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.

megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.

"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.

"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."

"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"

"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."

-

"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.

"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.

you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.

why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.

toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.

what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.

you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.

you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?

as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.

"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.

"how are you feeling?"

"nice, i guess?"

"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.

"wow really?!" you said excitedly.

"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"

"they just left."

"call them back so you could finally go home with them."

-

"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.

"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."

"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"

"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."

"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.

"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.

-

toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.

"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.

"i'll just finish this." you said.

toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.

he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.

the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.

but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.

"just take a rest." toji said.

"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.

weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?

"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.

"do you know what you'll do?"

"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.

"okay, let me know if you're done."

-

you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.

that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.

"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.

"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.

"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.

-

you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.

the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.

"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.

"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.

"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.

"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.

"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.

what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.

-

getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.

he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.

"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.

-

you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.

"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.

the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.

"that's–" you gasped.

"no, listen–" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital

you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.

"well, if that's what you want."

"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.

your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.

"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.

"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.

"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.

toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.

"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.

"why?"

"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.

"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.

"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.

"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.

you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.

-

it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.

it suddenly became awkward.

toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.

toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.

toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)

there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.

"can't sleep?" he asked.

"yeah, what about you?"

"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?

"about the divorce-"

"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."

"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.

"was it because you found out i was sick?"

"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"

"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.

"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.

"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.

"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.

"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.

"then that goes the same for me."

-

"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.

"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.

"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"

"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.

"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.

"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.

"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.

"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."

oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.

"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.

family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-

your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.

"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.

"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.

"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.

"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.

"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.

-

"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.

"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.

"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.

"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.

"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.

"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.

"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.

"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.

"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"

"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.

you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.

"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.

"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.

"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.

"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.

"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."

"is that why papa have a scar?"

"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.

unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.

-

toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.

but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?

you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.

you picked it up as you read the note.

'this is for you, i hope you like it.'

you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.

you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.

-

"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.

"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.

"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.

"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.

"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.

"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.

as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."

toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.

"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.

"he recommended me another medicine."

"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.

"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."

"ah, is that so?"

"mhm."

"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.

"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.

"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.

"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.

it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.

toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.

your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.

toji sighed as he closed the door.

"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.

"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.

"have you eaten?" you asked.

"ye-"

"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.

"megumi?" he asked.

"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.

"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.

"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.

"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."

"hurryy."

"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.

"no."

"why are you being clingy?" he asked.

"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.

you didn't even smell like alcohol.

"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.

"alright."

"you didn't answer me yet."

"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.

"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.

toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.

"good night." i love you too.

-

it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.

you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.

"i'm home." toji mumbled.

"welcome back!" you exclaimed.

if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.

it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.

"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.

"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.

"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.

"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.

"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.

-

"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.

"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.

"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.

"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.

"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.

toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.

"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.

"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.

"thank you for the food."

-

another bad day.

you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.

"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.

"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.

"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.

toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.

"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.

"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.

"i can do it myself."

"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.

"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.

-

"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.

"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.

-

thank goodness it was saturday today.

your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.

"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.

"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.

"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.

"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.

"shut up!"

-

"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.

"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.

"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.

after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.

"toji-"

"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.

"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"

"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"

"but-"

"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.

"thank you.. i love it but, why?"

"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.

"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.

"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.

"i understand." you said as you laughed.

"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.

"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.

"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.

finally. it's finally happening.

"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.

it was worth all the wait.

[blythesarchives]

Roasted Chestnuts. | B.B

summary: Bucky takes to sleeping in the living room, you comfort him with hot cocoa.

warnings: Angst & Fluff | PTSD symptoms | Nightmares | Post accidental injuries

a/n: I hope this technically qualifies, even though it's sort of angsty. But there is fluff! I decided to use a few themes from the list provided and melded them together. Unedited, mistakes to be fixed later lol. ;; wc: 3.3k

Cold sweat and cold weather don't exactly mix.

Neither did the cold, wooden floor of the living room but...he insisted on it ever since he woke up choking you to near unconsciousness, his hands trembling with horror when he realized what he had done. The hardwood became his self-imposed punishment, refusing the comfort of proper bedding.

He couldn't forgive himself for that, his instability taunted him for weeks after that, having to see the bruise around your throat cause by his hand. Every morning he would catch glimpses of the purple-blue marks adorning your precious neck, each glance a reminder of how close he had come to destroying everything he held dear. The guilt ate away at him, manifesting in sleepless nights and countless apologies that could never seem to erase that moment from his memory.

He deserved it; the chill in the air making every bead of perspiration feel like tiny needles against his skin.

Especially his scars.

His shoulder hurt bad during the winter, which wasn't a huge surprise, but he would've appreciated if his body formed a bit of resistance to the cold by now.

Between endless cryofreezing, Siberian training, the prolonged exposure to freezing should have given him some sort of enhanced ability to withstand the cold but...cruelly, almost laughably, he was more vulnerable to the bite of chill now.

It pissed him off, quite frankly.

But right now, he couldn't bring himself to dwell on his annoyance.

Instead, his thoughts drifted to you as he sat there on the cold floor, his body tucked carefully against the chair that stood positioned by the stark wall. He had turned the chair into an improvised shelter of sorts, his upper body deliberately laid close beside it in a way that almost seemed to mimic having another body near him for comfort. The transition had been gradual over the course of several months, he had slowly grown accustomed to sleeping in a proper bed, and more importantly, he had grown used to having you there beside him.

Your warm, protective arms would wrap around his frame each night, and he had found himself free of any hesitation or shame as he tucked himself against your chest, letting the steady rhythm of your heartbeat become his personal lullaby, lulling him into peaceful sleep. Better than any goddamn noise machine he could dream of.

But that peace had been shattered after one particularly visceral nightmare that had resulted in him nearly choking the life from you in his sleep-addled state. He found himself unable to bear the thought of sharing a bed with you again, too terrified of what his unconscious mind might make him do.

He thought he was getting better, he was supposed to be better. The words didn't work anymore...therapy was mediocre at best but it was supposed to help him. Yet, after all of that, he still hurt you.

He's still plagued.

Frustrated with himself and the situation, he kicks the chair slightly, causing it to skid a few inches across the worn wooden floor with a harsh scraping sound. Bucky takes a deep breath, his flesh hand instinctively gripping his dog tags - those small pieces of metal that remind him of who he once was - one his own, one Steve’s.

Damnit, Steve. Why didn’t he stay?

The one man who always had his loyalty, his best friend, he felt so abandoned.

Now he had to dump his shit on you. You didn’t deserve this.

Dealing with what remained of Bucky. Dealing with his problems.

Burdening you with his issues.

All alone.

His vibranium hand nervously bundled the thin, threadbare blanket he used to sleep under. The television continued to drone on in the background, playing yet another cheesy Christmas movie that felt hollow and distant. He didn’t like these ones.

He liked the older ones.

They were simpler, easier to grasp. The fantasy of talking snowmen and flying reindeer seemed far better to lose himself in than these modern romantic tales of a cheerful woman who sings perfect carols and inevitably falls for a handsome shop owner...predictable stories that seemed to play on an endless loop.

The warm glow from the Christmas tree cast a gentle, inviting light across the sparse living room, making the empty space feel more like home. The apartment was still largely unfurnished, your current financial situation wasn’t great to say the least. Bucky's couldn’t get a job with his ‘criminal’ background, nor would anyone hire the Winter Soldier, regardless of how good he worked and how well he was with his hands. That left you as the sole provider. The weight of being the only one working pressed heavily on your shoulders, though you never complained.

You were happy to do it, if it meant Bucky could spend time relaxing and not worrying about anything.

Still, he didn’t like it.

The thought of his girl working for the both of you gave him a sour taste in his mouth, his gut tightened as he saw it as just another burden for you. A gentleman deep down, you having to work to support the two of you didn’t do anything but give him even more mental crisis.

Even when you were on the run in Romania, he found odd jobs. He brought food home. He took care of the two of you. It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t think you shouldn’t be working because you were a woman, it’s just…he felt horrible. You did so much for him, and all he could do was sit at home and wait for you to come off your shifts. He felt worthless.

And despite the tight budget, you'd worked extra hours so you could afford a Christmas tree for the apartment. While Bucky had initially been indifferent to the idea of holiday decorations, his memories of past Christmases long since faded into a blur. Watching your face light up as you carefully placed each ornament made every penny worth it.

His thoughts were interrupted by the subtle creak of floorboards, and he turned to find you peering around the corner of the short hallway that led to your bedroom. "Buck Buck...what're you doin' up?" you murmured, voice thick with sleep. Your hair was charmingly disheveled, and his old henley hung loosely on your frame, the hem nearly reaching your knees. Your eyes, still heavy with sleep, blinked slowly, "I heard somethin' out here, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, doll I'm...I'm fine." He exhaled slowly, not exactly confident in his words, shoulders slumping forward as the weight of sleepless nights pressed down on him. His hand still held the dog tags, fiddling with them restlessly as his thumb pad gently traced the engraved names and numbers, a nervous habit he'd developed.

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself that?" You asked softly, sitting down beside him on the cold floor, close enough to offer comfort but far enough to give him space. "Why don't you come back to bed with me? It's cold out here and that small blanket is not enough... I can see you shivering."

"No." He spat firmly, his jaw clenching with tension, "We've been over this. I'm not going to risk hurting you again. I can't...I won't let that happen."

"It was an accident-" you tried to reason, reaching out instinctively.

"NO!" Bucky snapped suddenly, his volume and tone loud enough to echo off the walls, making you flinch as it startled the sleep out of you. The fear in his own eyes matched yours for a split second.

It was silent for a few beats until finally he found the courage to break it with trembling words.

"I can't...I won't hurt you again. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face - the fear in your eyes when I came back to myself. You can downplay it all you want. The doctors told me how close I came to crushing your trachea. How am I supposed to carry on knowing what I almost did? You still have that dark bruise around your throat, oh...god..." His voice cracked and faded, heavy with anguish. The traumatic memory had carved itself deep into his psyche.

The faceless HYDRA torturers had been replaced in his nightmares, instead, visions of his own hands wrapped around your throat, watching helplessly as the life slowly drained from your eyes.

That was more horrifying than any of HYDRA's torture.

He would willingly submit himself to every cruel experiment, every brutal conditioning session, every moment of agony they had ever put him through - if it meant he could erase that one terrible moment when he had almost become your killer.

"Bucky," you interrupted his thoughts, your hand reaching out hesitantly in the dim light of the room, hovering just inches from his tensed shoulder but not yet making contact. You turned your palm slowly upward toward the ceiling, silently willing him to either take your hand or at least allow you the comfort of touching him. "I promise you, I am fine. Yes, it might've been a bit scary in the moment when it happened, and I understand why you're worried...but I know you'd never hurt me on purpose, not in a million years. It was an accident, nothing more than that."

He shifted uncomfortably under your unwavering gaze, his fingers clutching the deep green blanket even tighter to his chest, drawing it close like armor against both the cold and his own guilt. You could see the slight tremor in his frame, whether from the chilly air or his inner turmoil, you weren't sure. You knew he must be freezing out here in the living room, but if there was one thing you'd learned about Bucky, it was that he could be impossibly stubborn.

No matter how much you yearned to lead him back to the warmth of your shared bedroom, you knew he wouldn't budge an inch, wouldn't dare return to your bed, not while the belief that he might unconsciously harm you still gripped his conscience.

Instead of trying the back and forth of arguing, you decided to do something else. Rising from your spot, you made your way back to the bedroom, your bare feet making soft padding sounds against the aged wooden floorboards that creaked ever so slightly with each step. When Bucky heard you walk away, he assumed you had given up and gone back to bed for the night, so he slowly lowered himself down onto his makeshift sleeping spot, trying to find a comfortable position to attempt sleep.

But your absence was only temporary. Within moments, you had returned.

Your arms were laden with an assortment of blankets and a plush pillow, carried from your bedroom.

"No, doll..." he sat up immediately, preparing to launch into reasons why you shouldn't subject yourself to sleeping on the floor, even if it might be hypocritical. But you possessed every bit as much stubbornness as he did, and you had already made up your mind that he wouldn't have to face this night alone.

"Hush. I'm staying with you, and if that means camping out in the living room, then that's exactly what I'm going to do." You insisted firmly but gently, carefully arranging the blankets and pillow beside his spot. "And if sleep doesn't come easily tonight, then we can always put on a movie to pass the time. But I don't want you to be on your own, you've been torturing yourself for weeks now..."

Bucky looked down at his lap, a mix of exasperation and fondness crossing his features. "You are such a brat..." He finally replied, his lips pulling into a small, almost reluctant smile. The warmth in his chest grew steadily as he watched you, touched by how adamantly you insisted on sleeping beside him, even if it meant spending the night on the cold floor.

"That's me," you replied with a playful smirk, your eyes twinkling with mischief. "Now...how about some hot chocolate? If we aren’t gonna sleep, then we might as well have a little treat. Plus, it'll warm you up." You offered, already making your way to the kitchen with determined steps, your mind set on the comforting beverage. "Marshmallows or whipped cream?" You called over your shoulder, your voice carrying a hint of amusement as you deliberately didn't give him any opportunity to decline the offer.

He shook his head slowly, running his hand over his face as an affectionate smile spread across his features, unable to hide how endeared he was by your persistence. "Marshmallows...please," he responded softly.

"And that chestnut flavoring?" You added thoughtfully, observing him still comfortably tucked away on the floor, his form relaxed against the wall. Bucky gave a shy nod, a gentle expression crossing his features, and you couldn't help but smile warmly in return. "We should roast some, I hear people do that this time of year. But I'm not sure why exactly? I haven't had the chance to try them prepared that way before."

You carefully made your way back to where he sat, extending the steaming mug of hot chocolate towards him. The ceramic vessel was filled nearly to the brim, with a generous mountain of tiny marshmallows creating a fluffy white peak on top.

Bucky shrugged his shoulders slightly, reaching up to pluck a few of the dry marshmallows from the pile, popping them into his mouth one by one. "You can eat them plain as a snack," he offered simply, savoring the sweet dissolving treats.

"Yeah, but that seems a bit too plain for chestnuts. How about…a pie? God, I love pecan pie, why not chestnut pie? Or I hear they go good with apples."

"Pie would be really good...you know how much I love your baking," Bucky smiled warmly, his eyes lighting up as he fondly recalled all the delicious sweet treats you had lovingly prepared throughout the seasons. Apple pie was one of Bucky's all time favorite desserts, and he always lit up when you made it for him. You aren’t a professional baker by any means, but the homemade pastries and treats that came from your kitchen had become one of his most treasured simple pleasures in the world.

You sat nestled against him, your shoulders touching as you both sipped hot chocolate and talked about everything and nothing. The conversation drifted from the gentle snowfall outside to potential weekend activities, from dessert recipes you wanted to try together to movies you both wanted to watch.

Bucky had changed visibly since you crept out to see him, his tense shoulders had gradually loosened, the worried lines around his eyes had softened, and genuine smiles now came more frequently. You both occasionally made playful commentary about the predictable romantic comedy playing on screen, sharing knowing looks as the plot became increasingly formulaic and harder to tolerate.

"Can't we watch something else?" Bucky asked, turning to meet your gaze with a slight grimace, "I'm getting tired of these kinds of movies...at this point, I could practically recite exactly what's going to happen next, line by line."

“What do you mean?” You laughed a little, smiling at him as he rolled his eyes in return.

“Let’s see…it’s either Noel, Carol, or some other Christmas themed name for the main girl, and she always moves back to a hometown or is divorced or lonely or just…wandering through life feeling like something’s missing. Meets a handsome guy, a handy man, a baker, someone she knew from her childhood, and they eventually fall in love after this big Christmas event happens.” Bucky muttered, “And there's always singing! That’s been the plot for the last three movies, I swear.”

"Sure," you responded with another laugh, he hit the nail on the head. You reached forward for the remote and scrolled through channels until you stumbled on one specifically for classic holiday films. "Oh my god, this one! It's from, like...1960." You watched, somewhat amused, as the distinctively vintage stop-motion animation showed Rudolph trudging through the snow, the character's movements charmingly stilted by today's standards. Your finger hovered over the remote button, ready to continue searching.

"No, no...don't change it," he interjected softly, a hint of nostalgia creeping into his voice, "I'd like to watch this one..."

"Really? Alright," you set the remote down and got comfy. These classic films held a special place in your heart, each frame bringing back cherished memories of curling up on the couch as a child, lost in the magic of storytelling and still believing in Santa Claus. "This used to be one of my favorites," you murmured softly, snuggling closer against him. Bucky lifted his right arm, eager to feel your heat against his bare chest. He hadn't experienced watching these movies the same as you had, his past denying him even these small comforts.

It wasn't like HYDRA allowed him a tv.

Watching it now, even without the foundation of the right nostalgia, he was drawn into the film's spell. There was something touching about its simplicity, the way it managed to weave enchantment through every scene despite its less sophisticated approach. Even with its fantastical storyline, it carried an authentic magic that resonated deep within him, something pure and genuine he could instinctively recognize. Much better than the movies he had seen all day.

The first movie seemed to float by in a comfortable haze, and before you knew it, another began to play. These old ones didn’t have a very long runtime, but you forgot just how quick they fly by. The Charlie Brown Christmas movie filled the screen with its familiar charm. The gentle orchestration of the score and soothing tone of the character’s voices set a comfortable mood in the room.

While the movie played, you felt a slight shift in weight beside you. You glanced over and noticed Bucky's empty mug resting forgotten in his lap, old white foam from melted marshmallows sticking to the rim, his features softened as his eyelids had finally drooped closed. His weight leaning more against yours, and you carefully adjusted yourself.

"Oh, Bucky..." you whispered tenderly to yourself, watching as the exhausted man finally succumbed to sleep, the warm hot chocolate having done its job exactly as you'd hoped it would. Gently, you removed the empty mug from where it rested precariously on his lap and eased him down into a more comfortable position, making sure his head was properly supported by the plush pillow beneath it. You then took your time meticulously arranging the thick blankets over his body, paying particular attention to his metal arm, ensuring it was completely covered.

The winter months were especially difficult for him, the cold made the connection points of his prosthetic ache terribly, so you made sure that every inch of the metal limb was thoroughly insulated against the chill.

Damn, you should really invest in a heated blanket…they were just so expensive.

You were determined to get one for him though.

After adjusting the television volume just a little to create a soft, ambient background noise, you settled yourself beside his sleeping form. You snuggled in close, your hand moving in slow, soothing strokes up and down the broad expanse of his back.

Even in the depths of sleep, he instinctively sought out your warmth, shifting closer until his face was buried against your chest, his arm wrapping around you in a secure embrace. Though the weight and coolness of the metal arm pressed against you was initially a bit uncomfortable since the henley rode up a bit, but you quickly adjusted. Vibranium was nice, once it warmed it would stay that way for a long time.

But the same vise versa, meaning you really should get a heated blanket soon.

For now, this would do. You'd be the heat he needed, even if it meant staying with him on the floor.

Thanks for reading. -em 🌿

Dividers by @/strangergraphics | Images found on Pinterest.

@buck-star 's Fluffy Winter Event.

[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

11: CROSSING LINES

Previous chapter < MASTERLIST > Next chapter

Summary: You wake up on the next morning to a flood of notifications on Instagram after posting the bracelet you designed for Bucky's birthday. Unknowingly, you included some of Bucky's vibranium arm in the shot, leading to unwanted attention and harsh comments online. Feeling guilty for exposing Bucky's private life, you seek advice from your besties before deciding to confess to Bucky.

Warnings: Mentions of online harassment, sexual content (explicit)

Word Count: 4365

Thank God for Sundays. No early rises and a whole day of respite from the duties of life. Bright sunlight was already filtering through the cracks in your blinds. You pulled your phone out of the charger and scrolled through the avalanche of notifications.

Your Instagram was on fire.

Your post from last night— the sleek, custom bracelet you’d designed for Bucky’s birthday— had exploded overnight. You opened the app and scrolled through the comments, your heart fluttering with a mix of excitement and dread.

The first few were kind enough:

@trulywicked: “This is such a unique design! I love how it feels like it tells a story all on its own.”

@tallyfitness: “Your work never fails to amaze me. This bracelet is an absolute masterpiece!”

@everydaydisco: “The detail on this bracelet is stunning! It feels so personal. Whoever it’s for is so lucky!”

But your stomach flipped as your gaze caught a few jarring words:

@givingscholar: “That arm in the corner… wait a minute, isn’t that…”

@juicybarbie: “The Winter Soldier? Didn’t see that coming.”

You scrolled up past the trolls as fast as you could, your cheeks flushing with heat. There it was in the photo— Bucky’s vibranium arm! How had you not noticed Bucky’s arm on the edge of the photo? It was just a partial shot on the side of the frame, but to the internet, it might as well be a giant neon sign.

@polymermaid: “Bucky Barnes?? Is this for him?”

@juicybarbie: “Can’t believe you’re making custom jewelry for ex-HYDRA operatives now. Bold choice.”

@longlaughs: “The Winter Soldier? Seriously? Guess you’re okay with a little war criminal PR for your business.”

@TheRealDealDude: “Winter Soldier rocking custom jewelry? The world really is upside down.”

@QueenOfQuips: “Guess you’ve got a thing for dangerous guys, huh?”

Your heart raced as you stared at the screen, overwhelmed by the sheer number of comments. Most of them were innocent or praising, but the bad harsher ones stung. You stared at the photo on your feed, the way it sat on Bucky’s wrist, remembering his face and the reverence with which he had put it on. It was one of your proudest creations.

You felt like a stab of guilt for thrusting him into the spotlight again. You knew how much he hated it, it was the reason he had avoided you in the first place. Your phone buzzed with a new notification. Someone had tagged you in a story. Bracing yourself, you opened it.

It was a repost of your bracelet with a caption: “Supporting war criminals is so in right now. Who knew accessory design could be this edgy?”

Your stomach churned as you stared at the repost, the caption was clearly written to judge both you and Bucky. It made you wonder why you’d posted the picture in the first place. You’d gotten too proud of yourself and it had ended up in you hurting Bucky. The last thing you wanted for him to feel uncomfortable again, or even worse, for him to think you’d intentionally exposed him.

In a panic you message your friends for advice.

8:33 AM - You: HELP!

8:36 AM - Hanna: What’s up? You okay?

8:36 AM - You: I fucked up... big time.

8:36 AM - Hanna: What happened?

8:37 AM - You: Okay, so yesterday, I posted the bracelet I made for Bucky on Instagram. It was just supposed to be a promo post— nothing major! But I accidentally left part of his vibranium arm in the photo.

8:37 AM - Aditi: And?

You sent them a link to your post.

8:40 AM - You: And now the comments section is blowing up. Like, some people are nice, but others are... not. I’m talking full-on trolls. People are calling him a war criminal, making gross jokes, and dragging my business into it.

8:41 AM - Aditi: Oh.

8:41 AM - Hanna: Ohhhh.

8:41 AM - You: Guys!!

8:41 AM - Aditi: Okay, deep breaths. This isn’t the end of the world.

8:42 AM - Hanna: Yeah, it’s not a big deal. People on the internet love to stir the pot.

8:42 AM - You: IT’S A HUGE DEAL! Look, I know we’ve not really talked about Bucky much, and I know you know who he is. But he’s a good guy— he’s been through so much, and he doesn’t want this kind of attention. He’s private for a reason.

There was a moment of silence from your friends.

8:45 AM - You: Are the two of you messaging each other privately rn?

8:45 AM - Hanna: Chill girl. I mean I get it, but it’s not like you posted this to expose him. It was totally an accident.

8:45 AM - You: I still feel awful. He trusted me enough to let me post this, and now I’ve put him in the spotlight without his consent. Should I tell him?

8:46 AM - Aditi: Does he even use Instagram? We couldn’t find him anywhere.

8:46 AM - You: Not really, but his friends do. Sam’s probably seen it already. And let’s be real— Sam will tell him. Fuck, Captain America already thinks I’m a fuck up. Now this!

You groaned. You didn’t want Bucky’s best friend to see you as a liability. For a moment you wondered why Sam’s opinion was so important to you. This relationship with Bucky was short lived, it had a very clear expiration date. Why did it even matter what his friends thought of you?

8:46 AM - Hanna: Why would they think you’re a fuck up?

Fuck! You didn’t want to get into the Leonard issue with them at the moment.

8:47 AM - You: That’s a story for another time.

8:47 AM - Hanna: Okay, let’s be logical about this. First, you didn’t do this with any bad intentions. You posted your work, which is incredible, by the way, and accidentally included a small detail. You’re not exactly TMZ.

8:47 AM - Aditi: Exactly. But honesty is probably the best move here. If you tell him before someone else does, you’re showing that you care about his feelings.

8:48 AM - You: But it feels like my fault! I should’ve noticed the arm in the photo before I posted it. He’s so private, and now… ugh, I feel like I’ve betrayed his trust.

8:48 AM - Hanna: I get it, but don’t spiral. Think about it this way: If you tell him, you’re being upfront and honest. He’ll appreciate that. If you don’t tell him, and Sam or someone else mentions it to him first, he might feel blindsided.

8:48 AM - Aditi: Hanna’s right. It’s better to tell him. But maybe don’t lead with “I posted your arm on Instagram and now everyone’s freaking out.

8:49 AM - You: Great, that’s great! THANKS! 🙄

8:49 AM - Hanna: Something like, “Hey, I posted a photo of the bracelet, and I didn’t realize part of your arm was in it. It’s getting some attention, and I wanted to tell you before you hear it from someone else.

8:49 AM - Aditi: And add, “If you want me to take it down, I will.”

You stared down at their advice, your gut feeling like it was tied in knots.

8:49 AM - You: I don’t know, guys. I feel like I’ve really fucked this up.

8:49 AM - Aditi: He’s your boyfriend. If he doesn’t understand that this was an accident, well then you need to dump him.

You sat on your bed, rereading your friends’ words. 

8:50 AM - You: Thanks, guys.

8:50 AM - Hanna: You’ve got this.

8:50 AM - Aditi: Breathe honey. Everything will be fine.

*****************************************

It would have been easier to pull on a pair of sneakers and run away from the problem. You had considered it as you pulled on a flowy dress. You were still considering it as you stood outside Bucky’s front door. Just do it. 

You knocked, half hoping he wouldn’t be home.

The door opened just as you were about to give up. Bucky was standing in front of you with a towel wrapped around his waist, dripping wet. His hair was damp, clinging to his neck and forehead, and the faint smell of soap lingered in the air, and the light glinted off his damp skin in a way that made your breath catch. “Hey,” he said, his brow furrowing in concern. “You okay?”

You stared for a moment, your brain practically short-circuiting at the sight of his abs, the towel just barely hanging on. “Uh, yeah,” you stammered, finally closing your mouth and dragging your gaze up to his face. “Sorry— I… I should’ve texted first. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s fine,” he said, stepping aside to let you in. “Give me a sec. I’ll go throw some clothes on.”

“Wait! I… I’m so sorry!” The words burst out of you in a flood, unrestrained by logic or timing. “But I posted your bracelet last night and didn’t notice your vibranium arm in the photo, but other people did notice it, and there are comments— so many comments— I mean, some are nice, but…” you faltered for a second before regaining your flow, “Others are kinda mean, and I swear, I didn’t mean to… I know you hate the attention, and I feel awful, and—”

“Whoa, slow down.” His brow furrowed as he leaned towards you, putting a hand on your shoulder to stop you talking. His touch was both firm but gentle, and the heat from his palm made your skin tingle. “Start again. What’s going on?”

You took a sharp breath in, trying to calm yourself before continuing. “You know we talked about me putting the photo of your gift on Instagram?”

Bucky nodded, his expression guarded. His hand still rested on your shoulder, sending tiny sparks of awareness through your body. It was very distracting. The bracelet sat on his wrist.

“Well I posted it last night but the photo had your—” you pointed at his vibranium arm, “It was in the shot. I swear I didn’t realize… but people noticed. And now they know it’s you. And the internet is being, well… the internet.”

You watched the expression on Bucky’s face change from confusion to understanding, then into a faint, weary sadness. It wasn’t directed at you, but the sight of it still felt like a punch to the gut.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky. I should’ve been more careful. I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

He let out a slow breath, his hand dropping from your shoulder as he stepped back, breaking the brief but electric connection between you. “I’m not mad. It’s just… people being people. They’ve always got something to say.” He shrugged, and the towel slipped a little lower on his hips, threatening to undo what little composure you had left.

You bit your lip, your gaze briefly flicking to the towel again before you forced yourself to focus on his face. “Still I… I feel terrible. I know how much you ate this kind of attention. Can I do something to fix—”

“Hey, you’ve apologized enough,” he said, cutting you off with a faint smile. “Besides, it’s not like this hasn’t happened before. You think it’s the first time people have lost their shit over a photo? At least I’m not associated with something bad this time.” His lips jerked up half heartedly, as if trying to lighten the mood, but his eyes still carried a tired, weary look.

Your shoulders relaxed slightly, but you couldn’t shake the guilt weighing down your stomach. Bucky could tell you weren’t convinced.

“Guess it’s a good thing you’re not a bad influence, huh?” he smiled mischievously.

And your heart skipped a beat.  There was something about the way he was looking at you now, something daring, almost flirtatious. You pouted, but you couldn’t hide the way his presence was affecting you.

“Why do you care so much, anyway?” Bucky asked, tilting his head so he could lock his eyes onto yours. He looked at you with a mix of curiosity and… something else. His gaze moved over your face, dropping briefly to your lips before flicking back to your eyes. It made your stomach do somersaults.

His question took you by surprise. It wasn’t accusatory, just curious. The way he was looking at you was disarming, and for a moment, you couldn't remember how to breathe. “Because you’re my friend—”

Your voice faltered as he looked at you. His expression unreadable. You let out a small squeak as he stepped closer. Close enough that you could see the individual droplets of water still clinging to his skin. Close enough to feel the warmth radiating off him. Close enough that there wasn’t any space left between you. You could hear the soft rasp of his breath and you could feel your pulse hammering in your neck.

“Friend, huh?” he murmured, his tone teasing, a smirk pulling at his lips as he stopped even closer.

Your mouth went dry, your heart now thundering as he stepped even closer. He lowered his voice to something more intimate. “Friend?” he repeated. The word hanging between you, like an invitation. You could feel his breath on your face, practically taste the heat on his lips. Your body tensed, buzzing from his proximity.

You opened your mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words for a response. The air between you felt charged, your pulse was racing as he reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. It was the same motion from yesterday, but today it felt different. More intimate. His fingers lingering for a moment too long, his touch igniting something in you.

“You’re shaking,” he said softly, his hand lingering near your cheek. His thumb grazed your skin, leaving a trail of heat in its wake.

You swallowed hard, trying to regain some semblance of composure. “No, I’m not—”

He gently placed his thumb over your lips, cutting off your protest, and for a heartbeat, everything seemed to still. “You don’t have to be scared of me, you know.”

“I’m not scared of you,” you insisted in a soft whisper, your hands almost trembling at your sides. “I just—”

But you couldn’t finish your sentence. His fingers moved down to trace the line of your jaw, the feather-light touch sending electricity through your body, and your mind scrambled for any coherent thought. It was as though every inch of your skin had become sensitive to him.

His hand trailed down your neck, almost absentmindedly tracing a path over your collarbone, leaving a trail of heat in its wake. Your heart was pounding so loudly, you were sure he could hear it.

His eyes flicked down to your lips for a second before he looked back up at you. “Tell me to stop,” he whispered.

You didn’t. Instead, you closed the small distance between you, your lips brushing against his in a fiery kiss. Immediately Bucky’s vibranium hand found your waist, pulling you flush against him, deepening the kiss. Hungry. Consuming. His tongue found yours, igniting a heat that coursed through your veins like wildfire. His grip on your waist tightened as the world around you seemed to dissolve into nothing but him. His touch, his scent, his hard body pressed against you. 

Eventually you had to pull back for air, and Bucky rested his forehead against yours, both of you breathing heavily. His eyes met yours searchingly, making your heart start racing all over again.

“I, uh…” you huffed a small laugh as your mind scrambled for something coherent to say. “That wasn’t… I didn’t… not why I came.”

“No?” Bucky smirked, his voice far huskier than you’d ever heard it. “‘Cause I ain’t complaining.”

You let out a high-pitched, nervous laugh, letting your hands rest tentatively on his bare chest. “No, I mean… I guess I was just worried about the post and the comments and…”

“And?”

“And now I'm a little… distracted.” You glanced down at the towel which was shockingly still around his hips.

“Second thoughts?”

“No… no!” The second protest was more forceful than your first. “I just don't want you to think that I came here just for… that.”

“No, I understand. You came because you cared enough to tell me what was happening… before I heard it from someone else. That means more to me than you realize.”

The vulnerability in his words stole the last breath of air in your lungs. It's not what you'd expected when you had knocked on his door. The openness. The tenderness. The care he showed you. It made you want to reassure him, in the same way he was reassuring you. To close the distance between you.

So you did.

No longer hesitant about what you wanted, your kiss was slower this time, but the passion was still here. Your fingers scraped against his scalp as you ran your fingers through his damp hair. He pulled you closer and closer until all that separated you was that damn fluffy towel.

“Maybe we should move this somewhere more… comfortable?” he murmured, pulling back just enough to meet your gaze.

You nodded, your breath catching at the way his thumb brushed over your hip, his touch lingering. “The couch?” you offered. You weren't sure you were ready to see his bedroom. 

He smiled. The small, almost shy curve of his lips made your heart skip a beat. “Couch works.”

Bucky took your hand, leading you into the living room. His fingers slid down, intertwining with yours, his touch electric. You lowered yourself onto the couch first, your movements careful and deliberate. But your eyes betrayed your eagerness as they flicked up to meet him, lingering on him for just a moment too long.

He lowered himself beside you, close enough that his knee brushed against yours. You could feel his heat seeping through the fabric of your dress.

“Come here,” he said quietly, his vibranium hand resting on your thigh. The coolness of the metal made a line of goosebumps erupt along the skin he stroked as it came to rest in your hip.

With a nervous swallow, you moved closer, the inside of your knee brushed against his as he helped you straddle his thigh.

“Like this?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded, his smile held a quiet reverence. “Yeah. Just like that.”

His hands were on your hips. Firm but gentle. Guiding you as you moved against his thigh. The friction sent waves of heat through you, straight into your core. It felt great, incredible, in fact. But it was the intensity of his gaze that was your undoing. Bucky was watching you like you were the only person in the world. The only thing that mattered. His normally blue eyes darkened with desire.

You moaned as you leaned towards him, letting your hands slide up his chest to anchor yourself. Grounding yourself. His muscles tensed under your touch. The quiet groan that escaped his lips only served to heighten your desire.

“Bucky—” you whispered. You couldn’t tell if it was a warning or a plea.

“I know, doll,” he murmured in answer, voice strained. His fingers dug into your hips as though he was trying to hold back. “I know.”

Feeling him gave you more confidence. The way he was responding to you. Growing under you. Your movements grew bolder. But it didn’t feel like enough. Not with the way heat was pooling between your thighs. Not with the way his hands were holding you. Like he couldn’t get enough. You wanted more. You needed more.

“Bucky, I—”

He cut you off with a kiss. His lips crashed against yours with a hunger that took your breath away. Desperate. Messy. His teeth caught your lip as his hands roamed over your back as he crushed your body against his.

You moaned into his mouth as he tensed his thigh. The new angle sent a jolt of pleasure into your core. Bucky groaned. The sound vibrated against your lips. The towel between you being put to the test as his swollen member pressed up on your knee. Hard. Straining.

“God, you’re killing me,” he rasped, between kisses.

His hands slid down to your thighs, he lifted the one between his legs, to straddle his lap, settling you firmly against him. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” you moaned, pushing down against him. “Please, oh yes, please.”

He swallowed. Hard. His hands tightened on you, guiding you to move against him, his hips bucking up to meet yours. The friction between you felt exquisite. Every time your body met his sent sparks of pleasure through you.

“Jesus,” he muttered, his voice rough and broken as he buried his face in your neck. “You feel so good.”

Your fingers gripped his hair, pulling his mouth to yours. But as your movement grew more and more frantic, all you could do was rest your forehead against his. You were so dangerously close to him. The thin layers of clothing separating you only heightened the tension between you. Every thrust, even push, every grinding movement drove both of you closer to the edge.

“Bucky,” you whimpered. Your body trembled as his lips found your neck, leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses on your skin. They would definitely show later.

He reached under your skirt and grabbed the front of your underwear. Bucky pulled and twisted it so that the silky material slipped between your folds, making you cry out. 

“I got you, doll,” he murmured. “I got you.”

The heat between you was building. Ravaging your bodies. It built up to a boiling point. Bucky fell apart first. His body tensed under yours as he went over the edge, his groan muffled against your shoulder. His grip on you tightened, his fist clenching and pulling your underwear against your clit. The extra pressure was your undoing. You barely had a moment to catch your breath as your orgasm hit you. Throwing your head back, you dug your nails into his back as you rode out the waves of ecstasy.

For a few moments, the only sound in the apartment was your mingled ragged breathing. Your forehead came to rest against his, the pressure grounding you in the aftermath of your activities.

“You okay?” he asked softly, his voice hoarse but laced with a tenderness.

You nodded, a small, breathless laugh escaping your lips. “More than okay.”

As the silence settled between you, the weight of your actions began to creep in. His hands were still on your waist, his touch warm and steady. But the rush of heat that had driven your actions only moments before had begun to fade, replaced by a quiet realization.

You shifted back a little, suddenly incredibly aware of how close you were to Bucky. “That was…” you started, but your voice trailed off as you tried to find the right words.

“Yeah,” he responded, hesitation in his tone. He glanced down at his hands, as if he was noticing for the first time where they were resting, how closely your bodies were pressed against each other. His hands fell away and he cleared his throat, looking at everything but you. “Uh—sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“No, no,” you interrupted quickly, sliding off his lap and smoothing down your dress, your face warm with embarrassment. “You didn’t… I mean, it’s not like you...  I wanted to—”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, cutting you off. His gaze flickering to yours before darting away again. “It’s just— fast.”

“Really fast,” you agreed, your hands fidgeting with the hem of your dress as you glanced at the floor.

The air between you now felt awkward, the heat that had consumed you both had been replaced with an uncertainty.

Bucky shifted, leaning back against the couch, his hand running through his damp hair. “This doesn’t… mess things up, does it?” he asked hesitantly, his voice low.

You looked up at him, confusion flickering across your face. “What do you mean?”

“Our agreement,” he sighed, his jaw tightening slightly. “The whole fake dating thing. If this makes it… complicated.”

“Bucky,” you said softly. “Do you regret this?”

He met your eyes, his expression conflicted. “No. That’s the problem,” he admitted, his voice low. “I don’t regret it, but it feels… dangerous, you know? Like we’re walking a line here, and I don’t want to screw this up for you— or for us.”

“You didn’t screw anything up.”

He searched your face, as though trying to gauge your sincerity. “You’re sure?”

“Positive.” You reached out, your fingers brushing his flesh hand in reassurance. “But if we’re being honest here, I was kind of a mess when I walked in here and this probably wasn’t the best idea.” You let out a nervous laugh. “I mean there's a reason we have these rules for the relationship agreement. But you didn’t do anything wrong. And… I don’t regret this either.”

“Okay,” he said softly.

You bit your lip, guilt creeping back in as you remembered the reason you’d shown up in the first place. “I really am sorry about the Instagram thing,” you said, glancing away. “I know how much your privacy means to you, and I feel like I violated that.”

“You didn’t mean to. I know that. Don’t beat yourself up over it. But thank you for caring.”

His words sent a warmth through your chest, but the lingering awkwardness of the moment made you feel like it was time to leave. You stood, smoothing down your dress. “I should probably go,” you said lightly. “Let you get some rest.”

“You don’t—” he started, standing up as well.

You offered him a small smile. “I think I’ve caused enough trouble for one day.”

Bucky stepped closer, his expression earnest. “We’re good, though, right?”

You nodded, meeting his gaze. “We’re good. You’re good, Bucky.”

His smile softened and you felt the unspoken connection between you again. But you stepped back, opening the door of his apartment, giving him a small wave as you slipped out. 

Previous chapter < MASTERLIST > Next chapter

No tag list. Follow me on @skittles-archive for notifications.

Posting schedule will be Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays around 2.30pm EST / 11.30am PST / 7.30pm BST

[zerocoded]

summary: caleb makes you kung pao chicken and you repay him by milking him dry.

authors note: banner credits to the one and only cutie who draw this! gut wrenching smut to my caleb girlies. like jungkook said, SEVEN DAYS A WEEEK 😩 get in the car babes, we're going to pound town. so sorry for the delay! like i said, idk how to write happy feelings so i struggled with this one a little lol. but i still had a good time! thanks for reading this four-chapter series, you guys have my heart. again, this was supposed to be allll in the last chapter but i figured it would be too much for just one post, so i split them in two.

warnings: HEAVY ANGST • nsfw content, mdni • obsessive!caleb • UNCANNON bc i finished this before caleb release • grinding • astraphobia • downplaying fears as we all do • soft!dom caleb but then hard!dom caleb • teasing • orgasm denial • SO MUCH TEASING • word play • fingering • skyhaven is under a isolation period.

word count: 13.3k (i swear i'm not sane)

the first time you see caleb after the incident┃caleb uses you as a hostage at the farspace fleet┃you punch caleb in the face┃you're here

isolation week blurred together in a strange rhythm, the days blending into each other like half-forgotten dreams. you didn’t keep track of the hours—there was no point. the world outside skyhaven felt distant, unreachable, as if it had been swallowed by the endless hum of magnetic fields holding this floating island in the sky.

caleb made it easier, somehow. his presence was a strange mix of soothing and frustrating, a reminder of the man you used to know and the one he’d become. you hadn’t realized how much you’d come to depend on him until you were confined to this room together.

the first morning felt awkward, to say the least. after inviting him back to the bed, you woke up to find him sprawled out beside you, his bionic arm stretched across the mattress like an unfamiliar guest. he wasn’t touching you—you could see he’d been careful about that—but the warmth of his presence was undeniable.

“morning,” he’d said when he caught you staring, his voice low and teasing. “sleep well?”

you hadn’t, but you didn’t tell him that. instead, you muttered something incoherent and shuffled to the bathroom, trying to ignore the way your pulse quickened under his gaze.

that first day passed in cautious steps, a strange dance of proximity and avoidance. caleb filled the silences with stories from the base—how he’d managed a near-disastrous training exercise or how a recruit had accidentally fried half the communication systems. you found yourself laughing more than you expected, his sharp wit and easy charm tugging at memories you thought you’d buried.

the second day was spent with caleb working in the living room and you lounging in his room. turns out that the floor-to-ceiling glass windows weren’t as soundproof as you thought. every time caleb cursed under his breath at whatever he was tinkering with, it carried into the bedroom like a muffled echo, forcing you to stifle laughter more than once. by the fourth time he muttered something about “rookie mistakes” and “damn loose wiring,” you couldn’t help but shout, “you talking to the wiring or yourself?”

his reply was immediate, his voice full of dry humor. “depends. which one’s listening better?”

when the evening of the second isolation day came, a storm rolled in slowly, creeping over skyhaven like a shadow. it began with the faintest rumble of thunder in the distance, barely audible over the soft hum of the dorm. the sky outside the windows darkened, heavy clouds gathering until the first streak of lightning cut through the horizon. you glanced toward the glass, drawn to the way the city lights below flickered like stars against the storm.

caleb called you to the kitchen for dinner, his voice casual but tinged with an edge of exhaustion. “nothing fancy,” he’d said, placing a plate in front of you. “just leftovers. figured you wouldn’t complain.”

you didn’t, especially not when you caught the faint scent of whatever he’d reheated—it smelled good, and by now, you were too hungry to care about the lack of flair. you sat together at the small table, the storm outside casting shifting shadows across the walls. the dim lighting made the space feel smaller, more intimate, and for the first time in days, the silence between you felt easy, comfortable.

“do you remember when we used to sneak into the kitchen at gran’s place?” you asked between bites, the memory coming unbidden but welcome.

caleb snorted, a rare, genuine laugh slipping past his usual guarded demeanor. “you mean when you’d sneak and i’d get dragged into it?”

“oh, please,” you shot back, a grin tugging at your lips. “you were the one who wanted to make those awful peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with way too much jelly.”

“you ate them, didn’t you?” he countered, raising an eyebrow.

“because i was starving!” you laughed, shaking your head. “you could’ve fed me cardboard, and i would’ve said thank you.”

he chuckled, leaning back in his chair. “you were easy to please back then. now look at you, living the high life with reheated kung pao chicken.”

the playful jab earned him a mock glare, but the warmth in his voice made it impossible to be annoyed. the shared memory lingered between you, softening the edges of everything else. for a moment, it felt like you were kids again, stealing moments of joy in the quiet corners of a world that never quite felt safe.

outside, the storm intensified, the thunder growing louder, closer. lightning lit up the room in sharp flashes, followed by the low growl of the sky. you turned your gaze to the windows, the storm demanding attention with its unpredictable rhythm. caleb followed your line of sight, his expression shifting as he watched the storm unfold and your reaction at the same time.

“this one’s going to be loud,” he said, almost to himself. “storms like these always are, especially up here.”

his voice was calm, but the weight of the storm pressed against the walls, creeping into the space between you. as the wind howled and the rain began to streak the glass, the moment of levity faded, replaced by a quiet intensity that you weren’t capable of ignoring.

“guess we’re in for an interesting night,” you murmured, your voice barely audible over the first sharp crack of thunder.

“looks like it,” caleb replied, his tone softer now, his gaze flicking to you as the storm continued to rage outside.

for the next minutes, you realized that storms in skyhaven were way different from the storms in linkon city. the way the lightning lit up the entire sky, crackling with a brightness that seemed to ripple through the clouds, was almost beautiful—if it wasn’t so overwhelming. the thunder was deeper here, more resonant, as if the very air carried its weight. every flash and rumble seemed to rattle the walls, making the room feel smaller, like the storm was trying to press its way in.

unfortunately, you were scared of both.

you tried to keep your composure, focusing on your plate and the casual rhythm of caleb’s fork against his. but when a particularly loud clap of thunder roared through the dorm, your hand flinched, nearly knocking over your glass. caleb’s head snapped up at the sound, his gaze flicking to you with an intensity that made your cheeks flush.

“you okay?” he asked, his voice steady, though his brow furrowed slightly.

“fine,” you replied too quickly, your voice thinner than you meant. you placed your hands in your lap, twisting your fingers together to hide the slight tremor. “just… loud, that’s all.”

he didn’t look convinced, his eyes narrowing just a fraction before he set his fork down. “are you still scared of them?” he said, leaning back in his chair. his tone was casual, but there was a softness to it, the kind he used when he was trying not to push too hard.

you nodded, your gaze fixed on the plate in front of you. “still not my thing.”

he watched you for a moment longer, his gaze steady but unreadable, before a particularly sharp crack of thunder split the air. it was closer this time, louder, and it made you flinch despite yourself. your breath hitched, your shoulders tensing as you tried to steady yourself.

“hey,” he murmured, his voice gentler now, the edge gone. “come here.”

you hesitated, your fingers tightening in your lap. “i’m fine,” you started, but the words felt hollow, unconvincing even to yourself.

“you’re not, pipsqueak” he said, his tone firm but not unkind. he reached out then, not quite touching you but close enough that the gesture felt like a tether. “i know you. just… come here.”

you stood slowly, unsure at first, but when you moved closer, he didn’t hesitate. he pulled you gently into his lap, his arms wrapping around you like a shield against the storm.

the movement caught you off guard, but you didn’t resist. the warmth of him was immediate, grounding, his bionic arm cool against your side as he adjusted it carefully.

“better?” he asked softly, his breath brushing against your temple.

you nodded, your cheek pressing against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat calming the chaos inside you. “a little,” you admitted, your voice muffled but steadying.

another roar of thunder shook the room, and your hands gripped his shirt instinctively. he didn’t flinch or pull away—he just held you tighter, his hand moving in slow, reassuring circles against your back.

“you’re okay,” he murmured, his voice low and soothing. “i’ve got you.”

“i look like a child, sorry,” you muttered, your voice barely audible as you kept your face buried against his chest. “i fight wanderers, for god’s sake.”

caleb chuckled softly, the sound vibrating through you. “you don’t look like a child,” he said, his tone light but carrying that familiar edge of warmth. “you are you, pipsqueak.”

you huffed a quiet laugh, rolling your eyes even though he couldn’t see it. “comforting.”

“it’s true,” he added, his voice dropping slightly, almost like he wasn’t sure he should say it. “i remember you always cried when it was storming back then.”

you pulled back just enough to look at him, his words tugging at a long-forgotten memory. “you teased me at first,” you said, a small smile tugging at your lips. “but then you always slept with me in my room afterward.”

his lips quirked into a faint grin, his eyes softening. “because you’d cling to me like a little barnacle,” he teased gently, though the fondness in his voice was unmistakable.

“you never complained,” you countered, your cheeks warming at the memory.

“never had a reason to,” he said simply, his gaze steady on yours.

the room felt quieter then, the storm outside reduced to a distant rumble as the two of you sat there, his arms stayed around you.

“it’s not so different now, is it?” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “just you and me. like it’s always been.”

you didn’t reply, but the way you stayed pressed against him, your hand unconsciously gripping his shirt, was answer enough.

“stupid floating island, why did the daa have to make their base here?” you joked, your voice muffled against his chest. “now i can’t even finish my burnt kung pao.”

“burnt?!” caleb laughed, mock-offended, pulling back just enough to look at you. “you just said you wouldn’t complain. for me, that’s partially overcooked, nothing more.”

you tilted your head, giving him an incredulous look. “partially overcooked? caleb, the chicken was practically charcoal.”

he smirked, his hands still resting lightly on your sides. “it’s called adding texture. i’m innovating.”

you couldn’t help but laugh, the tension in your chest easing as his grin widened.

the storm rumbled outside, the occasional flash of lightning casting fleeting patterns across the walls. his hands, still steady on your sides, seemed to hesitate for a moment, his thumb brushing lightly against the fabric of your shirt. it was such a small, unconscious gesture, but it sent a shiver down your spine nonetheless.

you glanced down at his hand, then back up at him, and found his gaze fixed on you with an intensity that made your breath hitch. there was no teasing in his expression now, no quick retort or sarcastic comment. just him, watching you like you were something fragile and precious, something he couldn’t bring himself to look away from.

“caleb…” you started, your voice quieter now, almost hesitant.

“what?” he asked softly, his tone steady but edged with something deeper.

you shook your head, unsure of what to say, unsure if you should say anything at all. “nothing,” you murmured, though your heartbeat betrayed you, thudding loudly in your ears.

he didn’t press, but his gaze stayed on you, unrelenting. the hand on your side shifted slightly, his fingers curling just enough to ground you, to remind you he was there. “you sure about that?” he asked after a beat, his voice low.

you nodded, but the motion felt half-hearted, like you weren’t entirely sure of anything anymore. the tension between you grew heavier, the air around you thick with something unspoken, and you wondered if he could feel it too—the way the space between you seemed to shrink without either of you moving.

“you’re trembling,” he said softly, his brow furrowing as his other hand came up, hesitating before resting lightly against your arm.

“it’s the storm,” you replied, though you weren’t sure if that was entirely true.

“is it?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper now, his thumb brushing a slow, deliberate line against your arm.

you didn’t answer. you couldn’t. instead, you stayed there, caught between the steady warmth of his hands and the wild rhythm of your own heart, waiting to see what would happen next.

another thunder came, the loudest yet, and you trembled in his hold. his arms tightened instinctively around you, grounding you as your breath hitched.

"fuck, this sucks," you muttered, frustration and embarrassment creeping into your voice. "i’m sorry, i think i should—"

"do you want to watch something on the tv?" he interrupted, his tone casual but deliberate, like he was trying to steer your focus elsewhere.

you looked at him, confused. "i think i shouldn’t—you don’t have to worry about me."

he tilted his head slightly, his expression soft but unyielding. "i used to distract you from the storms with silly cartoons when you were younger," he said, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "i think it will help."

"we’re not kids anymore—" you started, but he didn’t let you finish. in one swift motion, he stood, lifting you effortlessly into his arms, bridal style. "what the hell!" you gasped, your hands instinctively clutching at his neck to steady yourself.

"i can walk, you know," you said, glaring up at him, though the heat rising to your cheeks betrayed the annoyance in your voice.

"i know," he replied, his voice warm but firm. "but i prefer you don’t when i’m around."

you opened your mouth to argue but stopped when you caught the way he looked at you—steady, unwavering, his grip on you secure but gentle. as he crossed the living room and entered his bedroom, you couldn’t help but feel the tension in your chest begin to ease. 

as he set you down carefully on the edge of his bed, his hands lingered for a moment, his touch light yet grounding. his fingers brushed your arms briefly as he pulled back, and the faint contact left a trail of warmth on your skin.

"you good here?" he asked softly, his voice low, his gaze searching yours as if to make sure you were really okay.

you nodded, but the truth was, the weight of the storm still pressed on you.

"yeah," you murmured, your voice quieter than you intended. but even as you said it, your hands fidgeted in your lap, betraying the unease that still lingered.

caleb didn’t move far, instead crouching in front of you, his arms resting on his knees as he leveled his gaze with yours. "you don’t have to pretend, you know," he said, his tone soft but firm. "if it’s still too much, just tell me."

his sincerity made your chest tighten, the way his eyes softened as he spoke, the faint crease of worry between his brows. the storm outside growled again, a low rumble that rattled the glass, and before you could stop yourself, you moved.

your body acted on instinct, seeking out the comfort that had been so immediate and steady. you slid forward, closing the space between you as you climbed into his lap, your arms wrapping around his neck.

“hey,” he murmured, startled for only a moment before his hands came up to steady you, one resting firmly on your back while the other settled on your hip. “you okay?”

“sorry,” you whispered, your face pressed against the curve of his neck. “i just… it’s better like this.”

he exhaled softly, the sound more like a sigh of relief than anything else. “don’t apologize, pipsqueak” he said, his voice low and soothing. “the storms you’ll encounter in the future… they shouldn’t exist here.”

his words sent a shiver down your spine, and you felt his arms tighten slightly around you, holding you closer. the heat of his body seeped through the thin fabric of your clothes, and the steady rhythm of his breathing calmed the erratic beat of your heart.

his fingers flexed against your hip, the warmth of his hand seeping through the material. “i’ve got you,” he replied.

he sat on the bed bringing you with him, his back touching the headboard.

the storm outside roared again, but it felt distant now, muffled by the space you shared. you shifted slightly in his lap, and his grip tightened reflexively, a quiet inhale escaping him as you moved.

“sorry,” you murmured, your cheeks warming with the apology.

“you’re trembling,” he noted again, his voice quieter now, rougher at the edges. his hand on your back moved in slow, soothing circles, but there was a tension in him that hadn’t been there before—a subtle stiffness in his posture, the way his fingers lingered just a moment too long.

“i’m just a little shaken,” you replied, though your voice betrayed you, wavering slightly as your chest pressed against his.

“don’t worry too much, princess,” he murmured, his voice dipping low, the words brushing against your ear like a secret. his hand stilled on your back, the pause heavy, loaded with something unspoken. “i like when we’re close like this.”

you didn’t reply at first, your breath catching as his gaze held yours. his eyes searched, questioned, the intensity of his closeness overwhelming—the faint warmth of his breath on your cheek, the steady weight of his hand against your back. it was too much and not enough all at once. you swallowed hard, your voice barely a whisper as you said, “me too.”

“do you?” his tone was curious, soft, yet laced with something deeper, and you felt a flicker of need pulse through you. his question lingered in the air, fragile and heavy. you didn’t know how to respond, unsure if the truth would feel like breaking something—or like setting it free.

“because i do,” he admitted, his voice unwavering, his honesty unraveling something inside you. “always have.”

the sincerity in his words, the way his eyes held no doubt, no hesitation—it pulled at you. it felt like stepping into something safe and terrifying all at once, his certainty acting as a charm you couldn’t resist.

“i do,” you murmured timidly, your voice so soft it was almost lost to the storm outside. you couldn’t meet his gaze, your eyes dropping to avoid the weight of everything he’d laid bare.

smoothly, caleb's hands tightened on your sides, his touch a quiet plea for your attention. and so, you look at him. your gaze meets his amethystine eyes, and there, you find it—yearning, raw and unguarded, etched into every facet of him.

"would you hate me even more if i said i wanted to kiss you right now?"

his voice was so steady, so effortless, that it left you momentarily stunned. you stayed silent, your heart pounding against the truth you were too afraid to confront, the truth simmering just beneath the surface of your heart.

“i don’t hate you,” you whispered, the words slipping out before you could stop them. they hung in the air between you, fragile and vulnerable. his gaze softened, searching your face for something—permission, maybe, or clarity.

“but you don’t want this,” he said, though his voice wavered, unsure. his grip loosened, like he was already preparing to pull away, to retreat.

you shook your head slightly, barely more than a tremble. “it’s not that…” your voice cracked, and you hated how exposed you felt.

"i’m sorry," he murmured, his voice heavy with regret, eyes staring at both of his hands on your side. his bangs fell over his eyes, giving him an innocent look. caleb had always been effortlessly pretty in your eyes.

you caught yourself staring at his sudden shyness with more awe than apprehension. ever since you’d grown a little taller and started seeing caleb through a different lens—one that wasn’t colored by the “older brother” view you once had—you couldn’t help but admire his beauty. moments like this, when his youthful charm caught you off guard, felt like they pressed you against an invisible wall, leaving you breathless.

because how many times had you wanted to kiss him before? god, you’d had the silliest crush on this man for what felt like forever. and now, knowing he’d been pining for you just the same all along? it felt unreal and unfair at the same time.

"i shouldn’t put you in a position like this… let’s just—let’s watch something." he leaned back slightly, creating space that felt colder, emptier, and pretended to be searching for the controller on his bedside table.

but you saw it—the restraint in his eyes, the way he was holding himself back for your sake. and you couldn’t let that linger. "caleb," you said softly, reaching for his hand before he could fully pull away. "it’s not that… you’re not putting me on the spot." you hesitated, your breath shaky as you forced the words out. "i kind of… want to be on the spot."

were you caving yourself in a bigger mess? you honestly couldn’t tell. but ignoring your childhood feelings right now seemed to be as painful as the possible ache of regret you could face later.

his eyes snapped back to yours, wide, searching for any sign of doubt. "you do?" his voice was quieter now, almost disbelieving.

"i do," you admitted, your cheeks warming under his gaze. "it’s just… this is new, and i’m scared, but that doesn’t mean i don’t want it."

he exhaled slowly, his shoulders relaxing as he took in your words. "fuck, i don’t want to scare you, pipsqueak," he said, his thumb brushing lightly over your knuckles.

“you could never.”

his lips parted slightly, his jaw tightening as he exhaled through his nose, seeming thoughtful. “you want me to stop?” he asked, his voice low and steady, though there was a hint of strain behind it.

again, caleb seemed so youthful in this light, his features softer, the usual sharpness in his gaze replaced with something gentler. there was an innocence about him now, a vulnerability that clung to the edges of his desperation. it wasn’t just restraint—it was care. as if the fear of scaring you, of pushing you too far, outweighed any longing he might have for your body.

you shook your head, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as you leaned closer. “no,” you whispered, the word trembling between you.

your breath caught, and for a moment, the world outside—the storm, the hum of skyhaven, everything—faded into a quiet, dizzying stillness. his touch was grounding, his gaze searching, and yet, all you could think about was the last time you felt this close to him.

a week ago.

it came rushing back, unbidden and vivid, like a memory you’d tried to bury but couldn’t. the moment when he reappeared on your front door in linkon city, alive and impossibly real, standing in the doorway of your tiny apartment as if the months between you hadn’t happened.

your chest tightened as the ache in your heart shifted into something else—something sharper, hungrier. you leaned in without thinking, your hand moving to his jaw, your lips hovering just a breath away from his.

but before you could close the distance, he froze. his hand moved to yours, holding it gently but firmly, his eyes now wide and dark, filled with something you couldn’t quite name.

“don’t,” he rasped, his voice barely above a whisper, his breath hot against your skin. “don’t do it if you are not ready to forgive me yet, princess.”

his words made your heart stutter, the rawness in his tone cutting through the haze in your mind. his jaw tightened beneath your hand, his grip on your waist trembling slightly, as if the effort to stop himself was taking everything he had.

“tell me you want it first,” he pleaded, his voice rough, almost pained. “please.”

your breath caught, the weight of his gaze pinning you in place. he looked at you like the thought of stopping physically hurt him, like holding himself back was the hardest thing he’d ever done.

“caleb…” you started, but your voice wavered, the unspoken pull between you making it hard to find the words.

“say it,” he urged, his forehead resting against yours, his voice a whisper now, almost broken. “if you want me, tell me.”

fuck, caleb was trembling.

“i think,” you whispered, your voice shaking as much as he was. you brought your hand to his jaw again, your fingers brushing against the faint stubble there, grounding both of you in the moment. “i think this will help.”

—with the forgiving part, you wanted to complete.

his eyes searched yours, desperation and longing swirling together in a way that made your chest ache. “don’t say it unless you mean it,” he murmured, his voice rough, his forehead pressing against yours harder now, like he needed the contact to steady himself. 

you swallowed hard, your thumb brushing the edge of his jaw as you let out a shaky breath. “i want this,” you said, the words fragile but true. “i want you.”

his breath hitched, his fingers tightening on your waist as if those words had been the only thing holding him back. 

“say it again,” he whispered, his lips so close to yours that you could feel the heat of them.

“i want you,” you repeated, your voice steadier now, your grip on him tightening as if to prove it.

that was all it took. the tension between you snapped, and caleb closed the space between you in one fluid motion, his lips crashing against yours with a hunger that stole your breath. this wasn’t like the kiss in linkon city, sharp and painful and desperate. this was different—deeper, slower, filled with a need that burned just as fiercely but carried the weight of something more.

his hands moved to your back, pulling you closer, every inch of him pressing against you as if he couldn’t bear the thought of space between you. the storm outside raged on, but in that moment, it felt like the two of you had created your own—just as powerful, just as unstoppable.

his lips moved against yours with a deliberate intensity, each touch igniting something deeper. his hands, strong and steady, slid up your back, grounding you.

your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, and he groaned softly against your lips, the sound low and desperate. the sheer intensity of it all made your pulse race, and you felt a rush of heat spread through your body as he deepened the kiss, his teeth grazing your lower lip before pulling back just enough to meet your gaze.

“tell me if it’s too much,” he murmured, his voice rough, his breath fanning across your cheek. his forehead rested against yours again, his grip on your waist firm but trembling just slightly, a reminder of how much he was feeling at the moment.

“it’s not,” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. “don’t stop.”

he leaned in again, his kisses softer now but no less consuming, his mouth tracing a path down your jaw to the curve of your neck. 

his hands tightened on your waist, pulling you into his lap again as if he needed you even closer, needed to feel every part of you against him. his bionic arm settled carefully on your side, his fingers cool against your skin where your shirt had ridden up slightly. the contrast between the metal and the heat of his other hand sent a thrill down your spine, grounding you in the moment.

“you’re perfect,” he murmured against your skin, his voice raw and unguarded, the words slipping out like he couldn’t hold them back. “i don’t deserve you.”

“i’ve wanted this—wanted you—so much, princess, you have no idea.”

your chest tightened at his confession, the vulnerability in his tone cutting through the haze of heat and desire. your fingers moved to his face, cradling his jaw as you pulled him back to look at you. his lips were swollen, his breathing uneven, but his eyes—his eyes were full of unshed tears that broke your heart.

"caleb," you whispered, your voice trembling with the weight of it all. you searched his face, seeing not just the man you cared for but the fragile edges of him he never let anyone else see. "i’m here," you said, the words barely louder than a breath. "it’s okay. i want this."

his hands moved to yours, holding them against his face as if grounding himself in the moment. “i’ve wanted this for so long,” he whispered.

“show me, then” you said softly, the words trembling with their own weight. “show me how much you wanted me, caleb.”

as if echoing the tension that crackled in the air between you, a thunderclap roared outside, the sound reverberating through the walls and into your chest. 

a trembled exhale escapes you, and in that moment of vulnerability, he takes the opportunity to slide his tongue alongside yours. 

his bionic fingers shift against your cheek, you can feel the tension in him—the way he’s holding you so carefully despite the intensity of the moment. it’s as though he’s trying to reconcile the boy he used to be with the man he’s become, and in that kiss, he’s asking you if you can love both.

the kiss is frenzied, a desperate tangle of lips and breaths.

without thinking, your body moves on its own, testing his resolve with a slow, deliberate roll of your hips into his lap. the effect is immediate—his jaw tightens, the sharp edge of restraint etched into his expression. his hands fly to your waist, one strong and warm, the other cold and unyielding, gripping you tightly as if to steady himself.

“princess,” he groans, his voice low and ragged, though his hold betrays how much he doesn’t want you to stop.

ignoring his warning, you roll your hips again, feeling the heat of his reaction through the thin layers between you. a low, guttural sound escapes him, and the sheer rawness of it sends a rush of heat through your body. the sound pulls a whimper from your own lips, and you move with more purpose, your body seeking to draw that noise from him again, needing to unravel him.

it felt like your core had its own heartbeat.

“pipsqueak” he mutters, his grip tightening as if trying to regain control. his head falls forward, his forehead pressing against your shoulder. his sweet resolve was being tested and you felt your lips curl into a smile, sweet vengeance sounding fair in your ears.

“pipsqueak,” he muttered, his grip tightening as if he were struggling to regain control. his head dipped forward, his forehead resting against your shoulder. his sweet resolve was fraying at the edges, and you couldn’t help the smile that curled on your lips—sweet vengeance was practically begging to be served.

but just as you were about to push him a little further, his metal hand gripped your behind with enough force to draw a startled squeak from you.

“fuck—” you breathed, the word tumbling out unbidden.

“watch it, baby,” he murmured, his lips trailing up from your neck to your ear, his voice a low, tantalizing growl. “i’ve got years of pent-up tension to take out on you.”

was that a promise? god, why did you wanted it to be so much?

“caleb, please,” you whisper, your voice trembling with a mix of need and vulnerability. the sound of his name—your plea—seems to undo him. his resolve snaps like a frayed wire. with a growl, his hands shift, pulling you even tighter against him as his lips crash into yours again, no longer holding back the storm that’s been building inside him for so long. 

“i know, princess,” caleb mutters, his voice thick with restraint. his erection twitches in the confines of his pants as he watches you, the sight of you slowly grinding into his lap nearly ending him. your eyes, half-lidded and dark with lust, hold him captive, and he swears he could lose himself in that expression alone.

every slow roll of your hips sends a wave of pleasure coursing through both of you, the friction igniting sparks that only leave you wanting more. there’s an incessant throbbing between your legs, a growing need that these teasing movements can’t quite satiate. each brush of your core against him only heightens the ache.

caleb feels it too, because he’s already pulling at the waistband of his pants, his thumb hooking into both layers as he tugs them down, revealing the sharp definition of his defined v-line. the sight alone makes your mouth go dry, heat flooding your veins as your gaze lingers.

“fuck,” you whisper under your breath, unable to stop the word from slipping out.

caleb catches the way your eyes widen, and his lips curve into a slow, wicked smirk. his bionic hand rests on the bed beside him for balance, while his flesh hand gestures toward you. “take it off,” he commands, his tone soft but laced with a quiet authority that makes your pulse quicken.

you freeze, caught off guard by the intensity in his voice, and the way his gaze seems to pin you in place. the handsome smirk that tugs at his lips grows wider as you let out a startled breath, your cheeks burning hot with embarrassment and arousal.

you’d seen his body before, seen the dedication he put into keeping it in peak form. you’d been there when his once-lean chest began to transform, muscles growing larger than any of your own limbs as he transitioned from boy to man.

and you’d dreamed about his touch too—wild, fleeting thoughts that only a hormonal teenage girl could summon on those countless nights when the ache of loneliness crept in.

god, you should probably feel embarrassed for all of it right now.

but caleb didn’t seem to mind. he didn’t seem to care about your wild thoughts swirling around him now or the teenage fixation you’d once had on his quiet care. all that mattered to him was the relief painted across his face—the realization that this wasn’t a one-sided transition, that you were right here with him. aching for him.

biting your lip, you slip off his lap and move to stand, your fingers curling around his waistband as you carefully pull his pants and boxers the rest of the way down. his member springs free, hard and aching, and the sight sends a jolt of heat straight to your core. your thighs press together instinctively as you shiver at how thick and undeniably pretty he looks.

fuck, you weren’t exactly a novice—but being a deep-space hunter didn’t leave much time for fooling around. still, every fantasy you’d ever buried seemed to find its way to the surface, all centered on the boy you could once call your first love.

caleb was intimidating, but in the most deliciously enticing way. you weren’t a teenager anymore, and your desires had grown with you, maturing into something sharper, more urgent. whatever this was between the two of you—it felt like the thing you’d been craving for so long, the missing piece you didn’t even realize you’d been waiting for.

he was thick, but not in an overwhelming way—just enough to leave you aching, his desire for you palpable in every movement. but what truly left your mouth watering was his length, something you’d only ever imagined existed in exaggerated adult videos or ridiculous ads.

was this really the same person who stood up to bullies for you and patiently taught you how to cook when you were 14? fuck, you were absolutely cooked.

in a good way, it seems.

you don’t even realize how long you’ve been staring until caleb clears his throat, the sound breaking through the haze of your thoughts. your gaze snaps up to meet his, only to find his smirk has softened into something more amused, though no less confident.

“while i appreciate the compliment,” he teases, propping himself up on one elbow, “i wasn’t talking about me, princess. i meant you. take it off.”

your nerves were impossible to hide, and his commanding voice only made it worse. for a fleeting moment, you wondered if there was a way to skip past this awkwardness and dive straight into satisfying the ache in your core that you could no longer ignore.

caleb seemed to catch onto your hesitation. he offered you a kind, almost reassuring smile as his flesh hand wrapped gently around your wrist, his touch grounding you in the moment.

suppressing your nerves, you hook your fingers into the waistband of your shorts, sliding them down your legs along with your panties. they pool at your ankles, and you step out of them with a small, shaky breath, standing between his legs as his gaze sweeps over you.

“beautiful,” he murmurs, his voice low and sincere. the word sends a rush of warmth through you, and the way he’s looking at you—like you’re the only thing in the galaxy—makes your chest tighten.

did he feel this instant pull towards each other too? 

sitting up fully, caleb pats his lap, his smirk softening into a smile that’s equal parts playful and inviting. “c’mere,” he says, his voice rich and steady, like a promise.

you could come, my god. but you hope you weren’t so transparent in your lack of confidence in the moment, hoping to have some leverage over the man who seemed to be eating you alive with only his eyes.

caleb seemed so sure of his love and his expression for you, it made you feel small—not in a bad way—, but maybe a bit childish.

you hesitate for only a second before stepping closer, climbing back onto his lap. his hands, warm and steady, settle on your hips as he pulls you against him.

“that’s better,” he murmurs, leaning in to press a kiss to your shoulder, his lips lingering against your skin. 

you crawl onto caleb’s lap, careful not to sit fully. hovering just above him, your knees press firmly into the mattress on either side of his thighs, effectively trapping him in place. you can feel the heat radiating off his body, but there’s no way in hell you’re going to lower yourself—not yet.

if you did, you’d be pressing your bare pussy against his naked thigh, and he’d feel everything. the thought alone has your cheeks flushing hot, knowing it would expose just how soaked you’ve become from mere kissing.

caleb’s gaze doesn’t waver, his sharp eyes watching you like a predator sizing up his prey. he hums softly, one hand trailing up your side to lift the hem of the shirt you were wearing—his shirt—, pushing it up just enough to reveal your bare chest. his expression softens slightly as he sighs, a low, appreciative sound rumbling from his throat. “pretty,” he murmurs, his voice husky and thick with restraint.

before you can respond, he leans forward, his lips capturing one of your nipples. the sudden contact makes you gasp sharply, your hands instinctively flying to his shoulders for balance. his tongue swirls over the sensitive peak, rolling it in a way that has your back arching toward him.

“caleb—ah!” your cry cuts off as his hand moves between your legs, startling you with its boldness. his bionic fingers rest against your thigh, steadying you, while the fingers of his other hand slip against your slick folds, testing you.

“you’re wet,” he comments, his voice quiet but undeniably teasing as his fingers slide through your arousal. the statement is casual, but the tone of his voice sounded almost painful, as if the realization seemed to fucking pain him. 

you swear you heard him mutter a “fuck” while closing his eyes.

“no fuck, sherlock,” you almost whine, the words sharp though your voice lacks any bite. your head falls forward against his neck, the words trembling as his touch continues to unravel you.

but he doesn’t stop. instead, he presses another finger against you, slipping them both at once inside with deliberate ease. the stretch has you gasping, your hips jerking instinctively against his hand as he curls his fingers, finding the spot that makes your breath hitch. “you got this wet just from grinding, pipsqueak?” he murmurs, his tone both teasing and utterly sinful.

“shut up,” you try to protest, but the way his fingers push deeper, curling again, steals the words from your lips. a whimper escapes you instead, and you clutch at his shoulders, your body trembling against him. “fuck”.

regardless of the resistance that was impossible to ignore, your body was so hot that the initial discomfort was quickly replaced but more desire. caleb’s fingers were so damn long, reaching places your personal toys used to reach. the knowledge made your insides clench, something so dirty crossing your mind in the early stages of your love making.

“you’re incredible,” he mutters, his voice low and reverent, his lips brushing against your temple as he works you open with a deliberate precision that leaves you breathless. “don’t be shy, princess. let me hear you.”

a shaky breath stutters out of your mouth as you rock yourself against his hand, chasing the initial fire that have taken upon your core. but it’s not enough—not nearly enough. the ache in your core is unbearable, and every deliberate curl of caleb’s fingers only makes you crave more. 

“do you have a condom?” you manage to gasp, your voice trembling with urgency.

his movements still for a fraction of a second before a sly, knowing smirk spreads across his face. “oh my, already?” he drawls, his tone dripping with playful teasing. “princess, i’m just starting with you.”

before you can respond, he moves. with a fluid motion, caleb rolls both of you over, his body pinning you down against the soft expanse of his king-sized bed. the shift leaves you breathless, his weight grounding you in the moment. his hands frame your face, one warm and rough, the other cool and unyielding, a perfect contrast that sends a shiver down your spine.

his lips hover just above yours, his breath mingling with your own as his teasing smirk softens into something darker, more intent. “we’ve got all the time in the universe, princess,” he murmurs, his voice low and velvety, sending a thrill through your body. “i’m not rushing this. i’ve waited too damn long to rush things now.”

your heart pounds in your chest as his gaze locks onto yours, his eyes filled with a heady mix of desire and something deeper. “please—” you start, but the words catch in your throat as his lips press against your neck, soft and deliberate, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

“c’mon, princess, don’t be shy. it’s just me, caleb.”

you were grateful his fingers weren’t inside you anymore, or else he’d have felt the dangerous clench your pussy made upon hearing his sentence. how can someone act so innocent with so much craving embedded in his voice?

“i want to savor this,” he murmurs against your skin, his voice muffled but no less commanding. his hand slides down your side, his touch lingering as if committing every curve to memory. “savor you.”

you swallow hard, your body arching into his touch despite your best efforts to remain steady. “but i want—”

“shh,” he interrupts gently, his lips brushing over your collarbone before he leans back to look at you. his smirk returns, though it’s softer now, tinged with affection. “don’t worry, princess. i’ve got you. you’re going to have to be patient, all right? let caleb take his time with you?”

his words are both a promise and a warning, and you can feel the anticipation building as he begins to move inside of your heat again, his touch deliberate, his actions slow and measured, as if determined to explore every inch of you before giving you exactly what you asked for.

“of course, you’re so warm, you had to be…” caleb mutters, his voice low and strained, each word dripping with unfiltered desire. his lips brush against the shell of your ear, and the heat of his breath sends shivers down your spine. “i’ve always imagined how you’d feel—if you’re as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside.”

the deliberate tease in his tone is enough to set your skin aflame, and your breath hitches at his words. 

“stop,” you gasp, your nails digging into his shoulders as your body reacts to every word, every touch. the intensity of his gaze locks you in place, your heart racing under the weight of his attention.

“what’s wrong, pipsqueak?” he asks, his smirk wicked, his voice like velvet. “am i being too honest for you?” his lips graze your jaw, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. “or is it that you like hearing how much i’ve wanted you all this time?”

your cheeks burn as your hands clutch his biceps tighter, your body betraying you by arching closer to his. 

“do you like the fact that i’m obsessed with you? that i’d burn the world down for you?” caleb teases, his voice a dark, sinful whisper as his fingers curl inside you, scissoring your pussy with deliberate precision.

your body betrays you completely—your walls clench tightly around him, and a loud, unrestrained moan spills from your lips before you can stop it. your head tilts back, your thighs trembling as he chuckles low in his throat, the sound dripping with satisfaction.

“oh, what’s that?” he drawls, his lips brushing against the corner of your mouth as his fingers continue their relentless rhythm. “is this your special spot?”

your cheeks burn, and your hands grasp at his shoulders for support as his words wash over you, leaving you utterly exposed. how come his fingers were so fucking long? to the point where only them were already making you feel lightheaded. 

or maybe it was him the one to blame for that.

“shut up,” you manage to gasp, though there’s no real weight behind your protest. every inch of your body is responding to him, and he knows it.

“my princess likes being naughty?” caleb counters, his tone as infuriatingly smug as the grin tugging at his lips. his bionic hand steadies your hip, keeping you from squirming too much, as his flesh fingers work deeper inside you. “you’re the one clenching around me like that, baby.”

“caleb—” your voice breaks as he curls his fingers just right, hitting the spot that makes your back arch and your moans grow louder. his smirk widens, his eyes glinting with mischief and unrelenting focus.

“that’s what i thought,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against your ear. “don’t fight it, let me hear you, please.” his fingers curl again, dragging another sharp moan from you, and the sound only seems to spur him on. “thank you, princess,” he adds softly, but there’s an edge to his words, a possessiveness that makes your heart race even faster. “every little sound, every little reaction—thank you for gracing me with them.”

“you’re impossible,” you manage to whisper, though your voice trembles, your resolve crumbling under his teasing.

“and you’re irresistible,” he counters, his lips finding yours in a kiss that’s equal parts tender and consuming. his words, his touch, his presence—it’s all too much and not enough, and you can feel yourself spiraling under his careful control.

your hands move instinctively, cradling his face, your thumbs brushing gently along his cheekbones as you pull him closer. his eyes search yours, intense and dark, as though waiting for you to shatter whatever thin line of control remains between you.

“just fuck me already,” you whisper, your voice trembling with need, your lips brushing against his as the words spill out. “please, caleb… i’m sensitive.”

the corner of caleb’s mouth lifts into a crooked smirk, though there’s a flicker of something deeper in his gaze—desire tempered by affection, by the weight of how much he feels for you. 

“sensitive, huh?” he whispered against your lips, his tone teasing, but his eyes were anything but. they searched yours, dark and heavy with longing, silently asking for permission, for trust.

you nodded, your breath hitching, and he smiled—a soft, crooked smile that made your heart stutter.

he brings his lips close to your pulse point, his warm breath brushing against your neck. you feel the tease in his exhale, deliberate and slow, as if savoring the moment. instinctively, you tilt your head, offering more, knuckles still buried inside of you.

he leans in close, his voice low and dark as he murmurs, “you love being teased like this, don’t you?” a soft whimper escapes your lips, your body responding instinctively to the way his fingers work, each movement sending waves of sensation through you.  

your hands press against his shoulders, searching for control, but he holds you firmly in place, his grip on your waist unyielding. his movements are deliberate, precise, barely grazing over sensitive spots, leaving you aching for more.  

he doesn’t relent, his rhythm intensifying with every motion, each calculated touch sending your body into spiraling sensations. your breaths hitch as your body tightens, overwhelmed by the building tension, every moment pushing you closer to the edge. 

"you look so damn gorgeous here in my arms, princess," caleb murmurs, his voice dripping with heat. "makes me wonder what would happen if i just..." he trails off, bending his fingers inside you until they hit that perfect spot again, sending a shockwave of pleasure through you. he focuses on it relentlessly, each movement precise and deliberate, drawing sharp gasps from your lips as your body responds instinctively.  

the tension builds, pooling low in your stomach, ready to snap at any moment. you're right there, teetering on the edge of release, when suddenly, he stops. the absence is jarring, leaving your body aching for what it was so close to having.  

your eyes fly open, heat rising in your cheeks as shock and frustration flood your senses. "caleb, what the hell?!" you gasp, scandalized, the words tumbling out before you can stop them.  

he chuckles darkly, the sound low and unapologetic, almost infuriating. "did you really think it would be that easy, my sweet girl?" his tone is teasing, almost rhetorical. "i love to savor what i want. so tell me..." his gaze locks with yours, daring and full of mischief. "will you let me play with you a little longer?" 

"this isn’t funny," you pout, the frustration evident in your voice. "i want you."

"i know that, baby," caleb replies, his tone soft but teasing. "and i’ll give it to you. just hang in there for me a little longer, okay? don’t you want to be a good girl? i promise, it’ll feel even better."

before you can respond, his fingers are back inside you, curling with precision as he picks up where he left off. the intensity leaves you gasping, your body arching into his touch as he pins you firmly to the bed, each movement calculated to unravel you.

he drinks in every sound you make, the way your body reacts under his control. the tension builds quickly, spiraling upward as he focuses on that spot that drives you wild, your walls tightening around him. but just as the wave threatens to crash over you, he stops again, pulling away like it’s a game.

"caleb," you whine, your voice trembling as you feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. "i-i need to come, please."

"i know, baby, i know," he soothes, his fingers moving gently now, almost comforting, though his teasing tone betrays him. "you trust me, don’t you, sweet girl?"

you nod weakly, cheeks wet and burning with embarrassment, but caleb’s gaze softens as he leans closer. "so pretty, my princess," he murmurs, his words wrapping around you like a caress. "i’ve waited so much for this. you deserve the world," he whispers, his lips trailing kisses down your body until his warm breath fans over your chest, teasing the hardened peaks of your nipples.

"she’s going to wait for me, just like i waited for her all this time, right, baby?" his voice sounded almost mocking, a dangerous mix of sarcasm and pure love.

was he talking about your pussy? oh god.

his words make your eyes widen, shock coursing through you as you try to pull away, only for him to hold you firmly in place.

"caleb," your voice trembles, barely above a whisper, and he chuckles softly, finding your helplessness endearing.

"hey, hey, look at me," he says gently, tilting your chin so your eyes meet his. "i’m here, aren’t i? don’t you think it’s fair, pipsqueak?” his lips press harder against your skin with every word, leaving marks that bloom red and tender. “i’ve always held myself back, endured for you." his canines leave two red dots just above your nipples, "day after day, after day, it was suffocating."

he pauses, his lips lingering just above your chest, leaving a bruise that you know will remind you of this moment long after. "at some point, i thought you liked me too," he whispers, pain lacing his words. "but then you left me. and forgot about me."

“caleb!” you try to protest, wanting to tell him he’s wrong, that he doesn’t understand, but the way he touches you—so deliberately, so tenderly, even when he’s pushing you to your limits—leaves you breathless, knees weak, eyes fluttering shut.

how does he know exactly what to do to unravel you like this?

before you can gather your thoughts, his fingers are back inside you, moving with an unrelenting rhythm that has you gasping, every thrust calculated to drive you closer and closer to the edge. just when you think you’re finally about to tip over into bliss, he pulls away again, leaving you trembling and desperate.

and the worst part? he keeps doing it—again and again—pushing you to the brink only to deny you at the last second. tears streak down your cheeks as you thrash beneath him, pleading for release, your body betraying you with every lewd moan and quiver. his fingers work you over, drawing out every sound, every reaction, but he never lets you find that sweet relief.

it doesn’t make sense—how can he know your body this well after such a short time? how can he read every twitch, every sigh, like he’s been doing this for years? there’s something almost reverent in the way he watches you, as if your pleasure is his own, even as he denies you again and again.

he’s wicked—a tormentor wrapped in the guise of a lover.

each time you’re on the verge of release, he withdraws, and fresh tears spill over as you whimper and beg. “please, caleb, let me come,” you plead, voice breaking. “i promise, i’ll listen, i’ll be good—just please, let me come!”

his lips curl into a smug grin, the glint in his eyes almost cruel as he leans in, voice a dark whisper against your ear. “princess wants to give in so soon?” he teases, the condescension in his tone making you burn.

he chuckles, low and sinister, the sound vibrating through you as he promises, “i haven’t even started yet.”

you’re reduced to a tearful mess, your body trembling with desperation as you try to cling to whatever composure you have left. you’d kick him if you could, but caleb holds all the power, the keeper of your release, and you know you have to play his game if you want even the slightest chance of relief today.

"caleb, baby," you plead, voice dripping with desperation. "the love of my life, please, please—i’ll be good now. i won’t push you away anymore. i need you."

did you sound pathetic? a little. but there are moments where you couldn’t find the strength to protect your pride when all that you ever wanted was to untie the knot burning in your core.

his dry chuckle sends a shiver down your spine as his grip tightens on your torso, holding you steady while his fingers continue their relentless rhythm. "i know, baby," he murmurs, his voice softer now. "just give me this moment, please."

and then he’s right back at it, thrusting his fingers deep inside you without mercy, his other hand occasionally teasing your clit. each precise movement against your sensitive spot sends you spiraling, the overwhelming pleasure leaving you breathless.

this time, though, he leans in, his mouth finding your pulse point. the heat of his lips against your damp skin, the way he bites and sucks at you, adds another layer of stimulation that has you reeling. it’s like he’s devouring you, taking every piece of control for himself as he plays with your body, denying you over and over like it’s a game he never tires of.

but when you find your voice again, it’s what finally cracks his composure. "caleb, baby, please—i need your cock, or i swear i’m gonna die."

it’s dramatic, sure, but it works.

he pauses, his breath uneven as he seems to wrestle with himself. his hand slips away from your aching core, giving you a brief moment of reprieve before he lines himself up against your entrance. the thick head of his member presses against you, the sensation so euphoric it has you pressing your forehead against the nearest pillow, trying to ground yourself.

was that what he wanted to hear all along?

biting his lip, he drags himself against your slick heat, collecting your essence along his tip, his gaze locked on the way your body clenches, desperate to be filled.

“you see, princess,” he continues, his voice a mix of tenderness and control, “maybe you’ve learned today, but i will always put you first.” his movements slow, deliberate, as he anchors your wrists against his shoulders, his hands firm but not harsh. “in my own selfish way, i just want the best for you. okay?”

you nod frantically, your body practically begging, even if your mind can’t quite catch up. you’re not sure what you’re agreeing to anymore, only that you want him—need him—to follow through.

but just as you think you’re finally there, everything shifts.

in one swift motion, caleb flips you onto your stomach, his weight pressing you into the bed as he adjusts himself behind you. the next thing you feel is the coarse sensation of something binding your wrists together behind your back, leaving you to hold yourself up by your shoulders.

a rope.

your heart races as you realize what he’s done, his control over you now complete, and all you can do is submit to whatever he has planned next.

it wasn’t just a rope, it was almost like a wire.

"caleb?" your voice wavered as you heard a mechanical whirring behind you. craning your neck, you caught a glimpse of his bionic arm in motion, a thin wire smoothly retracting from his forearm. the precision of it left you breathless—it was designed for this, leaving the prosthetic intact as it unraveled into a makeshift rope.

he wasted no time, expertly wrapping the wire around your wrists, binding them together at the small of your back. the restraint pressed you further into the bed, leaving you utterly at his mercy.

god, this was so hot.

"fuck, do you enjoy this, pipsqueak?" he murmured, his lips trailing soft kisses along your shoulders as he spoke. the heat in your body answered for you, clenching around nothing, leaving you needy and exposed.

"oh my…" his voice dropped, intimate and teasing. "if i knew my dirty princess was this naughty all this time…"

the way his tone dipped lower, filled with a mix of awe and desire, sent shivers down your spine. once again, you felt dangerously adored, like the very center of his universe.

he paused, leaning close enough for you to feel the warmth of his breath. "you tell me to stop, and i’ll stop. you know that, right, baby?" his question hung in the air, a gentle reminder that despite everything, he was always seeking your consent.

"yes, just—go on with it already," you manage, your voice trembling with anticipation as the tension within you continues to build, lingering in every nerve. even the sound of his voice feels like it could unravel you completely.

and that’s all the warning you get before caleb presses forward, his movements slow and deliberate at first, as though testing your reactions. his hands steady your hips, his touch both firm and grounding, as he finds a rhythm that makes you gasp softly.

the press of his member was initially a relief. you could see yourself opening your mouth in an embarrassing long moan that reverated into the walls of his bedroom. the pitch was drown out by the teasing of his bare member, no protection whatsoever, and the feeling of each vein of his pressing against your insides.

you could feel everything. and the clench of your walls was the proof of that.

caleb moaned too—almost a pornographic grunt—and left you searching for the back of your head with your own eyes as he pushed and pushed and pushed inside of you.

“oh fuck, baby,” caleb fucking whined, too lost in the heat of your pussy. you could picture him throwing his head back and taking a deep breath after setting himself all the way in.

you were left clenching and clenching and clenching until you could feel the pressure in your abdomen starting to hurt you.

“caleb, wait—,” you hissed and pinched your eyebrows, bound hands trying to reach for his hips. at the sound of your plea, he seemed to get back to himself.

“what, sweet girl?”. he pressed his forehead on your shoulder and hissed at the clench your pussy made because of the new angle. 

“just—go slow please.” you asked and he nodded.

“can you feel this, princess?”, caleb snaked his hand in your stomach and pressed his long fingers into the bulge he could feel right there. you moaned loudly at his teasing, feeling his member twitch inside of you.

“is that you?”, you whined weakly, already feeling lightheaded.

“yes, my sweet girl, this is me right here,” he pressed the tent in your stomach again, making your breath hitch and your cheeks wet. “see how well you were made for me? my perfect baby”. caleb pressed kissed all along your back until he was no more touching your skin. 

he fucks you experimentally slow for all but one minute before he speeds up, and fucks you mean and hard and rough from the get-go. you whine and thrash at first, but then you start feeling the delicious burn of his movements right below your navel and surrender yourself to the pleasure. he buries himself to the hilt, revels in the perfect sponginess of your tight, warm walls until he pulls out, only to insert himself again.

you gasp sharply, the intensity of caleb’s movements overwhelming as he keeps a steady, unrelenting rhythm. the sounds between you fill the room, a harmony of raw emotion and connection. his presence feels all-encompassing as you adjust to him, every motion deliberate, leaving you breathless.

you brace against the makeshift restraint, your body responding instinctively to the sensation, a soft moan escaping your lips. “caleb...” his name falls from you like a prayer, your voice trembling with both need and surrender as the moment consumes you completely.

you don’t even realize you’re reciprocating caleb’s movements with your own, meeting his rhythm as he keeps up a rough, relentless pace. you submit to his every motion so easily, fueling caleb’s confidence, his nerves alight with a mix of dominance and raw desire.

“fuck, princess. look at how good you take it… such a good girl for me,” he murmurs, his voice rough and breathy, laced with his own building tension. you can tell he’s been holding himself back, the strain evident in his tone.

“god, caleb, please—go harder. you’re so…” you pause, your words trailing off as the sensations overwhelm you.

caleb takes your plea to heart, his grip tightening as one hand tangles in your hair. he pulls gently but firmly for leverage, picking up his pace, the sound of every movement echoing through the room like a symphony of chaos and passion.

of course him pulling your hair made you moan even louder, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

caleb’s ego swells as he takes in your pleas, doing exactly as you ask. his hand tightens in your hair, using it as leverage to increase his pace, the sound of skin meeting skin echoing through the room in a rhythm that leaves you breathless.

you can’t help the moan that escapes your lips, his grip on your hair sending jolts of pleasure through your entire body. “fuck, caleb, yes,” you gasp, your voice trembling with need.

caleb chuckles deeply, the sound rich and heady, his own composure slipping as he leans further into the moment. “now i’m sure you were made for me,” he mutters, his voice rough and strained. “god, i’ve dreamed of this for so fucking long…”

his words push you further, every syllable igniting something primal in you. you let go of every inhibition, your moans growing louder as he finds that perfect spot inside you, the one that leaves you reeling.

just when you think you’ve felt it all, caleb surprises you. his grip on your hair tightens slightly as he brings his other hand to your throat, his palm pressing lightly against your skin. the added sensation leaves you stunned, his breath hot against your ear as he leans in close, his voice a low whisper that makes your pulse race.

“how are you so loud, princess?” caleb murmurs, his words teasing yet softened by the gentleness in his tone as he trails praises over your skin. “i know you can take more than this. my girl is so strong, isn’t she?”

tears prick at the corners of your eyes, the overwhelming sensations building, the tension in your body coiling tighter and tighter with each second. you squirm against your restraints, craving more of him, every fiber of your being begging to let go.

“caleb, i’m so close,” you gasp sharply, his movements deliberate as he pulls your hips closer, each thrust leaving you breathless. “you fuck me so good, yes,” you manage, voice breaking under the weight of everything.

caleb pauses just long enough to undo the makeshift restraint, his dark, intent gaze never leaving you. his fingers work quickly, and the wire is discarded without a second thought. his hands steady you as he flips you onto your back, positioning you in missionary again.

you look up at him, relieved to see the same undone expression mirrored on his face. sweat beads along his skin as he breathes heavily, his movements just as affected as yours. instinctively, you reach out for him, but he catches your hands effortlessly, pinning them above your head.

“you’re mine,” he growls lowly, his voice strained with intensity, his gaze burning into yours. “all pretty and mine, finally.”

his grip remains firm as he leans down, his lips finding your neck, leaving heated kisses and light marks in his wake. his other hand braces against your hip, steadying you as he moves with an intensity that leaves no room for anything else. the bed shifts with each motion, his every movement deliberate and overwhelming as your own release builds again, unstoppable this time.

“caleb, please—i need to,” you plead, your voice trembling, barely holding yourself together as you teeter on the edge. “please let me…”

his gaze softens briefly, his focus solely on you as he leans closer, his movements never faltering. “just a little more, princess,” he murmurs. “i’ve got you.”

his thrusts are so powerful you’re sure he’s beating up your stomach, guts fully rearranged until they spell his fucking name.

“you want to come, princess? is that what you’re asking for?” caleb’s voice is firm, laced with dominance, but there’s a tenderness beneath the edge as his hands hold you firmly in place, grounding you amidst the chaos.

“yes, caleb, please,” you gasp, your voice breaking under the weight of your own need.

he holds you strictly in place as he gives it to you unforgivingly, hammering your pussy like it’s his, because fuck, are you goddamn his.

he leans in closer, his breath warm against your ear. “then tell me, baby,” he murmurs, his tone commanding yet teasing, “what’s my name?”

your voice trembles as caleb moans, your walls aching so bad your clit’s engorged beyond comprehension. it’s sickening the way he fucks you, so intoxicating and blissful and perfect you feel your soul leaving your body, feel your insides coiling so tightly you’re going to snap any second.

“caleb, fuck, caleb!” 

“do i treat you right, baby?” caleb asks, his voice softer now, tinged with vulnerability beneath the heat. “will you let me be yours? will you let me love you, finally?”

“yes,” you gasp, your voice trembling with conviction. “god, yes—whatever you want. i’m yours, caleb. always have been.”

his response is immediate, shifting his position to deepen his movements, his breaths coming out in rough, raw grunts as he finds an angle that leaves you utterly undone. every motion is purposeful, pushing you to the brink as your hands strain against his hold, your body giving in completely to him.

and then it happens—your vision clouds, a rush of heat and intensity overtaking you as the tension inside you snaps like a tightly wound coil. everything bursts at once, your body consumed by waves of release so powerful it leaves you breathless, shaking as the moment overwhelms you entirely.

you’re so in your head it’s caleb’s frantic speaking that even keeps you at it, suddenly feeling something gush out of you in sheer abundance. “oh, oh shit, princess, you’re squirting, holy fuck, yes. just like that, baby, this is so fucking hot.” he praises copiously as you squirt all over caleb’s cock, leaving a gigantic, sloppy mess as he finally allows himself to come fiercely. 

the connection between you remains unbroken as he lets himself go, his own release crashing over him. his body shudders, and you feel him tremble against you as the intensity of it all leaves you both breathless. the world narrows down to this shared moment, leaving you weightless and entirely consumed by the euphoria of being completely his.

your body lurches off his cushions and caleb’s dick twitches inside you, throbs and fills you up to the brim with his cum, the feeling nothing short of euphoria.

he releases with a deep, guttural groan, his body trembling as his palms press into the bed on either side of your head, caging you in. his breaths come in heavy, uneven huffs as he hovers above you, beads of sweat clinging to his damp hair, a mixture of exhaustion and satisfaction radiating from him.

your wrists fall limply above your head, released from his grip, but you barely have the strength to move them. your body feels heavy, spent, every muscle lax from the intensity of the moment. your eyes flutter open and closed, exhaustion pulling at you as you try to focus on the man above you.

he’s still nestled against you, his body fitting yours like it was meant to, his forehead coming to rest gently against yours. his voice, low and husky, breaks through the haze. “pipsqueak, baby, don’t sleep just yet,” he murmurs, his breath mingling with yours as he cups your face in his warm hands.

your throat feels dry, your body too worn to respond fully, but his touch keeps you grounded. he brushes his thumbs over your cheeks, his voice soft and tender, as if to anchor you. “princess, you were amazing. you did so well… my good girl, forever my good girl,” he whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose.

you barely manage a small nod, the pull of sleep too strong to resist much longer. his words are like a lullaby, soft and full of adoration, wrapping around you as you drift.

“i love you, caleb,” you manage to mutter, your body still trembling faintly from the aftershocks coursing through you. “i always have.”

his movements still at your confession, and though your eyes remain closed, you can feel the weight of his shock. his silence stretches, thick with emotion, and you wish you could see the expression on his face.

“you do, princess?” he finally breathes, his voice cracking with disbelief. “are you sure?” the raw vulnerability in his tone is almost heartbreaking, as if the idea of you loving him is too fragile, too precious for him to fully believe.

you nod, unable to speak, too afraid to shatter the fragile moment between you.

his hand brushes against your face, trembling slightly. “i’ll be good for you, princess,” he murmurs, his voice steady but thick with emotion. “i promise. you’ll never have to cry again. not ever.”

you feel a strange pressure leave your body, realizing it’s caleb pulling out of you. the sensation leaves you feeling empty, but his gentle care grounds you. he moves with practiced tenderness, cleaning you up and whispering soft reassurances as your exhausted muscles fight against the weight of sleep. even as your body surrenders to the pull of rest, his touch remains a steady reminder that you’re safe in his hands.

as caleb works quietly, his hands careful and deliberate, you can’t help but notice the shift in him. the way he moves, the way he looks at you—it’s different now. softer, almost reverent. he’s so eager, so determined to tend to your every need, as though this moment means as much to him as it does to you.

he catches your gaze, and for a moment, you see it—his redemption arc, written in the lines of his face, in the way his hands tremble ever so slightly as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. he’s trying so hard, pouring every ounce of himself into being what he thinks you need.

“princess,” he murmurs, his voice soft as his fingers trace your jaw. “you okay? do you need anything else?”

his question is earnest, his eyes searching yours for any hint of discomfort or lingering pain. and it’s in that moment you realize—this isn’t just about pleasing you. this is about him trying to earn something he doesn’t think he deserves. your love. your trust. your forgiveness.

“the condom, you asshole—you forgot the fucking condom,” you say, trying to sound angry, though there’s a playful glint in your eyes.

caleb freezes, his body going rigid as panic spreads across his face. his gaze darts to your body, and it’s like his senses have only just returned to him.

“shit—fuck, princess, i swear it wasn’t on purpose! i just… i wanted to feel you so fucking bad,” he blurts out, his words tumbling over themselves in his desperation to explain. “after you said you needed me or else you were going to die, i—i lost it. i threw all caution out the window. i’m so fucking sorry—”

his rambling apology is so frantic, so guilt-ridden, that you can’t hold back the soft chuckle bubbling up from your chest. it cuts him off mid-sentence, his eyes snapping up to meet yours, wide and full of worry. the tenderness in his expression, the way he’s so wrapped up in your well-being, tugs at something deep inside you.

“what?” he asks, his voice almost breaking. “fuck—i know it’s my fault, i know, i’m going to—”

“caleb,” you interrupt softly, reaching up to thread your fingers through his tousled brown hair. the motion draws his attention, grounding him as his frantic thoughts start to settle. “i’m joking. i’m on the pill.”

his eyes search yours, blinking in disbelief as your words sink in. “you’re… you’re joking?” he repeats, his voice a mix of relief and exasperation.

“yeah,” you say with a small, teasing smile, letting your fingers curl a little tighter in his hair. “relax. i’ve got it handled.”

he exhales a shaky laugh, resting his forehead against yours as his body finally unclenches. “jesus, princess, you almost gave me a fucking heart attack.”

“good,” you reply, smirking. “you deserve it for forgetting the condom in the first place.”

he laughs again, softer this time, and there’s something vulnerable about the sound. “you’re gonna be the death of me,” he murmurs, pressing a light kiss to your lips.

“maybe,” you whisper against his mouth, your smile growing. 

caleb pulls back just enough to look at you, his lips still curved in a soft smile, but his eyes are searching yours. there's something unspoken there, a mixture of relief and lingering uncertainty, like he’s still trying to believe this moment is real. his hand brushes your cheek, his thumb trailing a path down to your jaw, grounding you both in the quiet intimacy of the aftermath.

"you know," he murmurs, his voice low and steady, "i’ve always dreamed of us like this. not just the… well, you know," he says with a small, self-conscious laugh that tugs at your heart. "but being with you, waking up next to you, knowing that this isn’t just something fleeting." his brow furrows slightly, the vulnerability in his expression catching you off guard. "this means everything to me, princess."

your chest tightens at his words, the weight of them settling over you like a warm blanket. you reach up, cupping his face in your hands, your thumbs brushing over the faint stubble on his cheeks. "this isn’t fleeting, caleb," you say softly, your voice steady despite the rush of emotions threatening to overwhelm you. "it never was. i’m here, and i’m not going anywhere. not now, not ever."

his eyes close briefly, like he’s taking in the full meaning of your words, before he leans down to press a lingering kiss to your forehead. "thank you," he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. "thank you for giving me this. for giving us a chance."

the silence between you stretches, but it’s not the kind that feels empty. it’s filled with understanding, with promises unspoken but felt in every look, every touch. outside, the faint hum of skyhaven’s magnetic fields reminds you of where you are, but for the first time in what feels like forever, you’re not afraid of the isolation. caleb is here, and that’s all that matters.

"we should probably clean up," you say after a moment, your voice light but teasing as you glance at the mess the two of you have made. caleb grins, a mischievous glint in his eye as he leans down to nuzzle against your neck.

"or," he murmurs, his breath warm against your skin, "we could stay like this a little longer. i mean, i’d hate to let go of my good girl so soon." his playful tone makes you laugh, the sound light and free, and you realize that for all the chaos that brought you here, you wouldn’t trade this moment for anything.

"five more minutes," you agree, your arms wrapping around him as he settles beside you. it’s not perfect—not yet—but as you lie there together, tangled up in each other, you can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning of something that will be. something that feels a lot like forever.

author’s note: thank you for everyone who took the time to read the four chapters of this mini-series, especially those who commented, you guys have my heart. the cheeky ending is a must, i'm sorry. send me a request • my masterpost

taglist: @bbieainee

[deezee112]

The worst ending 4 : A Shattered Bond

The worst ending 3 | The worst ending 5

Yandere!Cater Diamond x GN!Reader

A/N : It seems like this chapter is going to be long huh? I hope you like it. I will keep working hard and keep going!

Warning : This story contains themes of obsession , emotional manipulation , accidental death , and intense guilt.

Tags :

@iris-arcadia

If you want me to tag you please tell me.

English is not my first language.

The boy sat on the couch, his wide, sparkling eyes fixed on you as you stood before him, arms crossed. He wasn’t just a doll; he was alive in every sense that mattered. His innocent curiosity tugged at something deep within you, though your never admit it aloud.

You sighed heavily, brushing a stray strand of hair from you face. “ Alright, kid. ” you muttered. “ Guess I’m stuck with you. ”

The boy tilted his head, waiting expectantly for you next words.

“ I’ll name you...Cater. ” you finally said, after a long pause. The name felt cheerful, fitting for the mischievous spark you thought you glimpsed in his eyes.

“ Now, let’s get some ground rules straight. My house isn’t a playground, and you don’t touch my stuff without permission. Got it? ”

Cater nodded enthusiastically, though the sly gleam in his eyes suggested otherwise.

Cater was quick to adapt to modern life. Among his many discoveries, none captivated him more than social media. You often found him hunched over you phone, swiping through you apps with an expertise that belied his supposed inexperience.

“ Cater! Give me that! ” you snapped one morning, snatching you phone from his tiny hands.

“ Awwwww come on, y/n! ” he pouted, his freckled face the picture of innocence. “ I was just looking at your pictures! You look so cool in them. ”

You frowned. “ Don’t touch my phone without asking. ”

“ But your selfies are awesome! ” he protested. “ Can’t I post one? Pleaseeee? ”

You rolled your eyes. “ No And stop taking pictures of me without my permission. It’s weird. ”

Cater lips twitched into a cheeky smile. “ Weird? Or flattering? ”

“ Annoying. ” you deadpanned, glaring at him.

Despite you warnings, Cater obsession with you and you phone only grew. He became increasingly bold, sneaking into you room to snap candid photos while you wasn’t looking. Once, you caught him red handed, scrolling through you gallery.

“ Cater! What the hell are you doing? ” you yelled, grabbing the phone from him.

His wide eyes filled with mock remorse. “ I just wanted to see your pictures... You’re so cool, y/n! You should show the world how amazing you are! ”

You stared at him, you frustration boiling over. “ This isn’t funny, Cater. Respect my privacy, or you’re going to lose privileges. ”

“ Sorry.. ” he mumbled, though the mischievous glint in his eyes remained.

Over time, you began to notice other strange behaviors. Cater grew increasingly clingy, following you around the house and mimicking you movements. He’d often stare at you for long stretches, his expression unreadable.

One evening, as you worked on your laptop, you glanced up to find him standing in the doorway, watching you silently.

“ Cater? What are you doing? ” you asked, you voice laced with irritation.

“ Nothing! ” he replied, his tone unsettlingly cheerful. “ I just like being near you. ”

You frowned but decided not to press the issue.

You returned home from work, exhausted and soaked from the downpour, to find you phone missing.

“ Cater! ” you shouted, storming into the living room.

He appeared moments later, holding the phone in his hands. “ I was just borrowing it,. ” he said innocently.

“ Borrowing it for what?! ” you snapped, snatching it from him.

As you unlocked the screen, you stomach dropped. Dozens of pictures filled you gallery photos of you sleeping, cooking, working, and even stepping out of the shower. Your face flushed with a mix of anger and embarrassment.

“ Cater ” you said, your voice dangerously low. “ What is this? ”

His smile faltered. “ I...I just wanted to keep memories of you. You’re always so busy, and I wanted to have something to look at when you’re not around. ”

“ This is not okay! ” you yelled, your voice trembling. “ You crossed the line, Cater! This is an invasion of privacy! ”

He looked genuinely hurt, tears welling in his eyes. “ I didn’t mean to upset you... I just... I love you y/n. ”

You froze, the weight of his words sinking in.

Cater’s behavior grew increasingly erratic after the confrontation. He began isolating himself, retreating to his room for hours at a time. You thought it was for the best, giving them both some much-needed space.

But one night, everything came crashing down.

You woke to the sound of footsteps in your room. Groggily, you sat up, only to find Cater standing at the foot of you bed, holding a pair of scissors.

“ Cater? ” you asked, your voice thick with sleep. “ What are you doing..? ”

“ I just...I wanted to make sure you never leave me. ” he said, his voice trembling.

You heart raced as you carefully stood up. “ Put those down, Cater. We can talk about this— ”

He hesitated, his grip on the scissors loosening slightly. But as you stepped closer, you foot caught on the edge of the bed, and you stumbled forward.

In his panic, Cater swung the scissors, and everything happened in an instant.

You gasped, clutching you chest as blood seeped through you fingers.

“ No! No, no, no! ” Cater cried, dropping the scissors and rushing to you side. “ y/n! I-I didn’t mean to! Please don’t leave me! ”

You tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. Your vision blurred, and the last thing you saw was Cater’s tear-streaked face.

Cater couldn’t stop crying. He held you lifeless body in his arms, his heart shattering with every passing second.

“ I’m sorry... ” he whispered over and over again. “ I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just...I didn’t want to lose you... ”

The house felt empty without you. Cater wandered aimlessly, clutching your phone like a lifeline. He scrolled through you pictures, his tears smudging the screen.

One day, he posted a photo of your with the caption: " I'll never forget you, y/n. I'll make sure the world remembers how amazing you were. "

You account quickly became a shrine, flooded with comments and tributes from strangers who know nothing of the truth.

But Cater know. And the weight of his guilt was a burden he would carry forever.

[muffinsin]

👀 anon here, brilliant work as usual, thank you! Hope you don't mind, I have another request: how would the girls react to being woken up with head? And i suppose this goes into would they be into somno (with consent ofc)? I'll leave it up to you if you want to give the girls or their s/o a g!p

(Also to answer your q, i previously requested the ones you've tagged as: Dimitrescu sisters cockwarming HC and Dom G!P dimitrescu sisters trying not to orgasm etc)

Not at all! I love the requests! Working on a few as of now👀 I’ll do both! ;) might do a separate hc post on the somno one, I’ve got a Daniela request for it somewhere ;)

Masterlist

Bela

When she is the one giving head

Bela likes to think she is controlled, really

However, that flies out the window the moment she sees the large tent in the blankets when she wakes up

It doesn’t help that she’s had such a naughty dream either

She wants to play with you, and she doesn’t want to wait

The two of you have talked about one pleasuring the other while asleep, and while originally your conversation included fucking the other out of sleep, this still counted

Bela feels a blush on her cheeks when she pulls down the blankets and your shorts

She feels so naughty, undressing you with the sole purpose of sucking off your hard cock

It’s not often that you ask her for help in the morning. This time she gives it without you needing to request it

She wraps her lips around you first, her mouth warm and her tongue skilled. She knows exactly how to make you feel good

Her goal is to ease your erection by making you cum, of course, but she wants you awake for that

If you’re a heavy sleeper and won’t wake in time, she will simply edge you until you’re awake

She thrives off the surprised, but pleased face when you wake up to her face between your legs, her lips wrapped around you

When she’s the one receiving head

Bela is used by her morning erections. It’s rare she asks you or uses you to deal with them though. They’re something minor, really

However, it does arouse you to wake up to her whines whenever you accidentally brush against the tent in her nightdress

It doesn’t help that the sweetest of sounds are drawn from her so fast. She’s so sensitive, even a light shift causes the fabric to run across her tip and drags sweet whimpers and moans from her

When you first ask her about waking her up with a blowjob, she doesn’t understand the appeal of it

If she’s asleep, she won’t feel it, will she? She agrees nonetheless, excited at the new scenario

When you awake to her moans and gasps in your ear, and see the familiar tent in her light nightdress, you take action

You don’t bother undressing her, instead just push up her light dress and pull down her underwear

Upon wrapping your lips around her, Bela reacts immediately. She’s sensitive and even asleep, very well aware of the pleasure given to her

She’s a very light sleeper and wakes up in no time, moaning and gripping your head

You better not dare stop. She’s riled up and desperate for this orgasm now. Take it from her, and she will simply use you until she receives it nonetheless

Cassandra

When she is the one giving head

She loves to tease and torment you

And she just so happens to enjoy sleeping on top of you

Now, those two things don’t mix too well when she awakens to a hard cock pressing against her stomach

Or do they? They certainly do for her

Very early on has she clarified whether she can toy with you while asleep. Knowing you’re alright with it gives her many exciting opportunities

She won’t waste time at all, instead simply rip and tug your clothes until her prize, your hardened cock, is revealed to her

She likes to start slow, with teasing touches and kisses, licks and light sucking. She wants you to beg, even when unconscious

A twitch of your dick will usually grant you her lips around you properly

She likes to wake you up with an orgasm, and continue right when your pretty eyes open and set on her

Often this means you two stay in bed for a long time, until she deems she’s finished with you ;)

When she is the one receiving head

She has a high sex drive, this even reflects in her dreams

It’s by far not unusual to notice your girlfriend having a sex dream

However, it gets especially fun when you feel her hard cock under her dress

Casssandra makes it clear early on that she doesn’t mind you playing with her while she’s asleep. Whether asleep or not, it’s all the same to her

When she has a particularly good dream, you strike

Your hands play with her balls as you work on her, throating her and drawing more moans from her

Unlike when she’s awake, she won’t hold back with them when unconscious. It’s the perfect opportunity to make your girlfriend moan and squeal from the pleasure even

She is a surprisingly heavy sleeper, but will wake up right before her orgasm, demanding you finish your work

Often, if not usually, this game of yours ends with her cock deep inside of you and your body marked

Daniela

When she is the one giving head

She’s the sluttiest of the sisters, there is no other way of saying it. And she especially loves to suck you off

This includes, and especially applies, when you’re hard

Being asleep is no difference, really. You poor thing, she just wants to help you, her darling lover

She begs you to allow her to let you suck you off when asleep. You agree, excited at the idea of waking up to her mouth on you

Daniela giving you head in the morning is not at all unusual, but almost a part of the routine

Still, it makes you gasp when you wake up to her lips around you and her tongue swirling against you

She will either settle for one orgasm, or attempt to get another out of you, at times even straddle you and let you cum inside of her. This depends entirely on her mood

Rest be assured though, the sweet redhead will clean you up ;)

When she is the one receiving head

Daniela often asks for your help in the morning

She doesn’t feel like taking care of herself if you can do it instead

She also doesn’t at all mind you toying with her while asleep. She thinks it’s arousing as hell and practically begs you to do it

When you finally combine this, she is over the moon

You don’t bother removing her clothes upon waking up to her bulge pressing against you, instead hike them up and slide your hands over her

You aren’t shy about groping her. Each touch drags a sweet whimper from her

You like to tease her before putting your mouth on her. Daniela is a relatively heavy sleeper and won’t wake from a few gropes here and there

When her tip leaks precum and twitches, you get to work

Daniela won’t wake until her cock is soaked in your spit and she’s mere moments from her orgasm

“My love..!”, she begs. She wants to cum so badly. And not just that, she wants to fill you now. She wants to feel you around her so bad

How could you deny your sweet redhead?

[bonesy-doodles]

(Asking on anon bc my ghost blog is my side blog LOL) but I was looking at your post about Copia learning ballet when he was younger and I LOVE THAT SO MUCH. Do you think any of the other Papa's had any other kind of artistic hobbies? I like to think Primo may have really enjoyed painting, when he had the time [from sacred-coffin]

Hiiii! Glad you liked Copia knowing ballet, I'm glad my years of suffering through the Nutcracker Ballet has come in handy (my cousin was a ballerina). But yeah, I took your question to my council (my two wives), and we all came up with several ideas for each of the other Emeritus brothers! Not all of these are exactly artistic, just kinda became general hobbies or things the papas liked to do.

Primo

I am one of those people that does enjoy Primo as a gardener, but not in the traditional sense. His knowledge pertains mostly to poisonous and carnivorous plants, but he also does know how to make a lot of natural remedies because he just finds herbal medicine practices fascinating. Although, only some members of the Ministry actually trust him and his tinctures.

Primo has “accidentally” poisoned a Bishop once. When asked if he knew that he put something he wasn’t supposed to into the bottle, he said “oh Satanas, my vision must be going”. He definitely did on purpose cause the Bishop took a nasty tone with him once.

In his personal book collection, I feel like he has a lot of vintage plant encyclopedias and anything like that for his garden obsession.

Definitely a purveyor of classical music compared to the other Papas, but in the sense he prefers scores that are evil in vibes. Also, definitely can play the violin. He’s not like, perfect at playing, but good enough not to annoy those that can hear it.

I would love for him to have an electric violin, but Primo is the type to always prefer classic string instruments over electric ones. Definitely has like an ebony stained wood violin.

Primo also has a fascination with insects, probably goes along with his plant fascination. He’s definitely into insect pinning and has frames filled with different moths, butterflies, beetles, and downright terrifying insects within his office.

Secondo

This man is a drinks connoisseur, in several ways. Secondo is big into coffee and alcohol. He’s never been the biggest morning person and coffee has basically been his lifeline since he became of Priest in the Ministry. Has all the shit needed for steaming milk and making espresso and all the jazz. I feel like he can even do that milk art and shit, but only spooky or sexual designs. For alcohol, he’s big into mixology. Grade A mixologist here.

Within the Chapter House, where most of the high ranked and important people of the Ministry have their rooms, some of their offices, and big important meetings, there’s also like recreational rooms for them. One of them has basically been claimed by the Emeritus bro trio for their game nights (Uno and other shit), because it has the bar that Secondo has stocked himself. He always mixes the drinks for himself and his brothers.

When he was Papa, his Papal office also had a personal bar.

I feel like this man is big into suits, reminds me of the way NBC’s Hannibal was big into suit fashion. He knows how to look refined and exactly how to pair a suit to tie and pocket square for every occasion. He’s had an extensive closet ever since he was younger. As Papa, he took every chance he could to be out of his Papal robes and Mitre and be in one of his many suits.

In terms of an instrument he knows, I’m not exactly certain, but I’m feeling a big instrument, maybe a cello, string bass, or something else, but its gotta be a deep and thuddy instrument, but I don’t think he plays it anymore. Left it behind as he went up the ranks of the Ministry.

Terzo

This man is a certified film buff. I mean, look at all his music videos. They reference so much. It’s all 1920’s Art Deco, with German expressionism like the Cabinet of Dr. Calgiri, Faust, and Nosferatu, as well as all the early 1900s horror movies like Dracula, Frankenstein, Jekyll and Hyde, etc.

From that era of horror movies, hands down, his favorite movie is Frankenstein, and loves the Bride of Frankenstein.

Alongside that, I feel like Terzo is very into that era of fashion, considering his second stage outfit and the ghoul outfits. Also just fashion in general. Man likes fancy clothes, it’s just unfortunate Sister Imperator didn’t give his version of the Ghost Project for funding.

Another thing Terzo did when he was younger is theater. Musicals, plays, talent shows, you name it. He always loved being on stage, being the lead of the show, its what helped him be such a charismatic Papa.

I feel like his favorite production he ever stared in was Cabaret.

Terzo picked up the guitar when he was younger as well, plays it every now and again, but not as often as Primo plays his violin. (This is so sad, Terzo play Wonderwall).

Totally didn’t fall in love with both his guitarists (totally doesn’t admire their abilities to play the guitar, totally didn’t pretend to be bad at playing guitar so that they would teach him, totally not).

Also, so good at playing the kazoo.

Bonus, Papa Nihil

He picked up crocheting when he was older to try and make gifts for Sister Imperator.

Unfortunately, Copia would have to be a whole other post as there’s a lot I could say about him as he’s my bestest guy.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 27

translation anon (new), bucket anon (new), therapist anon, Chesh anon (new), red anon

translation anon

Casss I need help like- I actually don't, but um, you know, so I did something really really bad and I didn't realize and then it's solved but I feel like I suck Still.

I am asian so English is not my mother tongue and, I sometimes speak English sometimes my native. And um, I am dating a black person. And of course I am not racist or anything, she is stunning I love her. I would worship the ground she walked on.

But I accidentally said a slur in English while on the phone. So I was talking to a coworker and he learned I was dating someone who is not American as well and he asked me where do we come from etc, but he was sweet nothing offensive. So I told him, but I mixed it.

My language doesn't have the n word, like- it has yes but it's not used as a slur, it's the literal translation of black so we don't have a word for the slur, thankfully. But, like. I forget English had an offensive word? I used the word Because it's a word and I totally forget it was not the name of the colour? Like.

I felt so bad after my coworker corrected me, and like obviously I apologized to her, made things for her to make myself forgiven (teddy bears and cuddles!!! I sewed the teddy bear)

Anyway she said she understands and it's not a big deal tho. She jokes around with her friends but I know she had been bullied for it before too so I don't know if I am a bad person like. I know there isn't a problem, it was a misunderstanding and I apologized she said there is nothing to forgive but like something in me says I fucked up and I am a bad person for this, am I racist? I don't know like I know I am not but I have thoughts about it and I despise myself for it

Hi!

Okay so, I need to be clear that like...I am white. So I'm not sure how qualified I am to give my opinion on this. I can tell you what I think, but I can't exactly make the final call on if something is racist when I'm not part of a race that's subjected to racism.

But I think like...when people make mistakes like this, the thing to do is to take the mistake and use it as a jumping point to become more educated. If you were to be like 'well I didn't know any better so fuck you for being insulted' then that would be shit of you, because you're using your lack of knowledge as an excuse. But instead, you worked to fix it. Now, maybe you could try to learn more about slurs in English, or the background behind the slur, that way you can avoid this in the future. Everyone has a lack of knowledge in something. But the people who acknowledge their lack of knowledge and continually try to learn, I feel, aren't bad people at all.

But yeah, that's just my opinion...again, I have a LOT of priviledge when looking at this issue.

___

bucket anon

hi- this is stupid, just so you know.

i have an eng lit a level mock tomorrow morning and my parents accidentally scheduled some construction at my house for today, the day before my mock 😭 it was supposed to be may but it got pushed forward. so I spent the day with my best friend, I arrived at her house at 8:30am and we revised and hung out until 6pm and it was great. We literally never argue.

Except, there’s that stupid ice bucket challenge going around and I made a point to literally block alll my friends who were getting tagged in it on insta in front of her because I did not want to be tagged/peer pressure into doing this. Not only do I think it’s insensitive to people with ALS since the challenge was originally for them and now has been rebranded for mental health??? And seems attention seeking now- but I don’t post on my social media. Ever. The only post ive ever made was for my best friends birthday THIS month becuase I knew it meant a lot to her. And fundamentally I don’t have to do it but I didn’t want to have all my friends tag me in this thing when I don’t want my face on my social media. One of my friends who I blocked tagged me on my account which I use for ART, that’s a portfolio, and I don’t fucking know why she thought it was OKAY to tag me on that, but I just blocked her on that and ignored it. I get it’s funny or whatever but I genuinely don’t like most social media and only have it cause my friends wanted me to have it. (and btw I was gonna unblock them in a few days when the challenge is over- and it’s only on insta that I blocked them).

Anyway i made my best friend promise not to tag me in her ice bucket challenge in exchange for me not blocking her so she could send me reels. And wtf did she do but TAG ME? I know she thinks it’s funny and i’m probably overreacting but i genuinely hate this chain mail shit and i thought i made that really obvious to her literally allll day today. I’m scared off my mind about my exam tomorrow and i saw she tagged me in this stupid challenge and i literally- it was the last straw I burst into tears.

Also- she promised. promises actually mean something to me and I thought she understood me??? and understood that. but I guess not.

im not really that mad. i just messaged her “good luck sending me reels now” and blocked both her insta accounts.

she can still message me on everything else, she prob doesn’t even realise im mad. idk if I should tell her. This is a tough time for me, im scared about exams and it’s just been a year since my grandad died out of no where and my mean aunt is coming up to scatter his ashes next week during the rest of my mocks and so yes I do think im being over sensitive about this but I really just cannot deal with another stupid thing and I thought my best friend understood that when she promised not to tag me but I guess not 😭

Hi!

I don't think this is stupid at all! Because the thing is, maybe the actual issue- the ice bucket challenge- is a small thing, compared to the other things you're dealing with. But the fact that you set a boundary and explicitly told your best friend about your boundary and she ignored you is a bigger issue. It's frustrating and I can see why this feels like a betrayal. It's disrespectful for ANY boundary to be broken by someone you trust, but especially during an overwhelming time with so much going on, it can be super upsetting. Your emotions are definitely valid.

If you explain it to her like that- that she broke a boundary and you're upset- would she listen and take you seriously?

I hope your exam went well <3

__

therapist anon

Hey cas therapist anon here

Basically my birthdays coming up and my cousin (same on as before) is a couple days after me

So we're discussing birthday presents and I mentioned that my dad asked for my wish list and I joked if I should add the dior stick foundation

She then said 'oh ask him to buy me the rare beauty bronzer cos I'm the best neice'

So I said no cos wtf? I also said that her dad doesn't buy me stuff so why should my dad buy her stuff right? Her parents believe in individuality so she buys most stuff whereas my parents will buy me things they don't mind spending money on (such as pads, bras, knickers etc) cos those are necessities do u know what I mean?

She said she feels bad when her dad spens money on her but, ans I quote, 'but not when you do'

I just...didn't really know what to say to that cos she probably meant it as a joke but I just had to pause, blink and go what the fuck?

Should I tell her that these jokes aren't funny cos they're just weird cos obviously I'm.not gonna ask my dad to buy her stuff just cos her parents don't belive in that. And if I do tell her, how would I word it?

Thanks so much for listening lots of love ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hi!

This isn't the first time she's tried to get things/money from you, right? Honestly, it sounds like that's her goal, here. If it were me, I'd do one of two things. If I wanted to be healthy and mature, I'd say something like, 'Asking him that would make me uncomfortable, but you're welcome to ask him yourself!' in a polite voice. That way you're not shutting her down completely, but you're putting the ownership on her.

If I wanted to be petty, I'd wait until I was in a room with both her and your dad and be like "Oh dad, cousin wants you to buy x for her, isn't that funny?" and watch her squirm.

But I'm not advocating for pettiness....

Sending love!

__

Chesh anon - TW ED

Hi hon! I want to let you know I'm here for you and my inbox is open anytime <3 I know this seem scary and you feel alone, but you aren't.

Do you have a teacher or guidance counselor or family friend you can talk to? Any adult that might be able to help?

If you live in the US, this hotline might be helpful. If not, and you feel comfortable, lmk what country you're in and I'll find a hotline for you <3

Sending so much love!

___

Red anon

Hi! I read your poem! OMG, the last line... "I love her like the moon loves the earth— not expecting to land, just grateful to glow in her light." Fuck, that hit me hard, that's SO beautiful, and ouch, so heartbreaking. You're very talented.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #386

The funk persisted all through the morning. But around the middle of the day, it seemed to lift. I am not bleeding.

...Seriously, what gives...? As soon as I think I've found some kind of pattern... Bah. Whatever.

Perhaps it has something to do with this... around the middle of the day is when I managed to pull this off:

Yes, that is me, on the first run of a fresh save, fighting Hades, the final boss. This snapshot is just before I got my ass handed to me, but still.

...I continue to improve. And I will improve until he falls to me, too. Once I am successful, I will post a video for you. Hopefully you'll enjoy it; Hades is a game about a young man trying to find his mother. I think you'll find it very relatable.

I had to stop at around 3 or 4pm, though; our favorite baker friend, R, was supposed to pop by for a visit today! He came by sometime between 5 and 6pm, so I decided to make a dinner! The other day, I gathered ingredients from the grocery because I had an... oddly specific vision...?? of a meal in mind.

That's the thing about cooking; once you get good enough at it, your brain will just come up with new stuff out of nowhere. That is what occurred.

I started with some tomatoes... chopped them up and set them aside:

...I love my handy-dandy ceramic knife. It's suuuuper sharp, and it doesn't need to be sharpened, ever. Cut yourself with this, and you're not even going to notice until you're bleeding everywhere, it's that sharp. Ask me how I know, hahaha...

Brittle, though. Don't drop it or handle it roughly; it'll chip or even break.

In any case, I also cut up some onions... and then I fried them in the butter from the confit garlic jar!

Somewhere in there, I got this picture of a sunset out the window:

...I shared it with a potential new friend! We will see how interactions pan out! With any luck, I won't accidentally do or say anything weird to scare them off...

In any case! So I also cut up some pork. I let it cook with the onions...

...Then it was time to cook the mushrooms. I set the pork aside in a different bowl so I could use same wok, allowing the mushrooms to cook in the leftover juices from the pork...

...I mixed in the tomatoes and the pork with the mushrooms after that!!!

I set it all aside in a different bowl, and I mashed all my confit garlic with the leftover juices. I added a whole big tub of mascarpone cheese, and some parmesan and romano cheese, too! R suggested that I add a bit of salt, and it was an extremely good idea!!!

I made angel hair pasta to go with it; J helped me with that! You'll see it next to the pork/mushroom/onion/tomato mix!

...It turned out exactly like how I imagined it. Seriously, it's so delicious that it should be illegal, ahahaha~!!!

Want some...? Here, have a bowl!

Here, have a shortbread cookie, too; R brought these! They came all the way from Scotland!! They're pretty good!!!

These would have been amazing with tea. But I had my tea earlier in the day. I got some pretty good swirls for you this time...

...I think that's all I have for you today.

...I wish you could be here with me, enjoying all this stuff... but... if you're reading these, then maybe you're already with me in all the ways that count.

...Still, I wish I could see you and talk to you for a little while...

Well anyway. I'll close with my usual wishes: please stay safe out there. Please try your best to make good choices. Keep working towards that normal life you wanted. It's still within the reach of your kind and gentle hands.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[lantanasmuttyfanfics]

Hello! Can you write about Cerise hood and Bunny Blanc? I know it is not a very well-known Ship.

Could it be a situation where both confess on the day of sincere hearts? This is the first time I've asked for this QwQ

First I’m sooooo sorry I accidentally got true hearts day and heart struck mixed up so I ended up writing this fic based on heart struck. I didn’t even realize till literally right now so I’m soooooo sorry

Anyway again I do apologize and I also apologize for my slacking of in posting but other that I don’t think there’s anything’s else I have to say

Hope you enjoyed and have a great dayy!!

——————————

Cerise didn’t know how or when it happened but it did. She had a crush on Bunny Blanc of all people at ever after.

She had the revelation a few weeks ago when she saw her playing some card game with Lizzie Hearts and made the cutest expression when she won.

Just looking at her had Cerises face heating and her pupils dilating whenever she saw her, or even smelled her thank to her wolf senses.

From that point on it felt like everything reminded her of Bunny. A carrot salad? Bunny. Pale white fur? Bunny. She really couldn’t escape.

She even found her dreams were consumed by her. But it was something she didn’t think she could ever confess. Everyone at ever after talked about Bunny and Alistair.

The two unfortunate wonderlandians who escaped their cursed world together and had weekly chess matches together. “How just right they are!” Blondie would say whenever she saw them together.

Cerise thought so too. Alistair made sense for Bunny, they were trapped with no one but each other for years in a cursed land. And they made it out together.

Bunny deserved someone who could provide stability in her life after all she’d been through. Well, that was until true hearts day.

The morning of true hearts day Cerise made her way to the library, where she was supposed to meet Raven for a quick study session before the party at night.

But as she walked through the doors, she stopped in her tracks as she got a glimpse of platinum white hair.

There, in the front row tables Bunny sat with a book in her hands, her eye brows furrowed in concentration and nose scrunched in such an adorable manner.

Letting out a silent breath Cerise made her way over, sliding two seats away from her while taking small glimpses of her every once in a while.

Bunny gave her a sweet smile as she noticed her and Cerise thought her heart would implode from adoration.

“So Bunny…”

The said girl perked up, her eyes flitting to Cerise. She offered an encouraged smile as she waited for the clearly nervous Cerise to continue.

“I was thinking, no do you-.”

Before she could finish her sentence she suddenly felt something hit the back of her head. Her mind went foggy for a second, her eyes watering from the pink smoke around.

But as she looked up and met the concerned eyes of Bunny, everything else seemed to fade away. She quickly sprung from her chair, Bunny following as she walked towards her.

Bunny stepped back, slight hesitation in her steps a she gazed at a love sick Cerise who had pink hearts in her eyes instead of pupils.

“Cerise?”

She suddenly grabbed Bunny’s hand, falling on one knee as she left soft kisses along the back of her hand. The other girl gasped trying to pry her hand away before an undeniable flush crossed her face.

She couldn’t help it, not when Cerise was kissing her hand so sweetly, whispering words of love declaration that rivaled even the most romantic fairytales.

“Oh Bunny you don’t know how much I like you. I’ve been dreaming of this moment for ever after.”

She flushed further at her words, looking around to see that every other person in the library was in a situation such as hers.

“Everyone listen closely! You’ve been infected with a live sickness!” The library filled with shocked gasps from the students as they gazed at Raven.

Bunny suddenly had realization pool inside, obviously Cerise wasn’t saying this out of free will. Why would someone like her like a meek, unconfident girl like her?

They were complete opposites in every sense of the word. “To cure this, go to the hall and find Cupid!”

Every uninfected person quickly walked out the library and Bunny had to practically drag Cerise as she followed close behind.

When they finally found Cupid Bunny felt a sense of despair. She liked Cerise beyond imagination and she knew it was wrong but she just wished that she and Cerise could be like this for just a little longer.

“Ok Bunny give Cerise this rose!” Bunny jumped in surprise as Cupid suddenly sprung up next to her, practically shoving a white roses in her direction.

Seeing her hesitate Cupid softly nudged her, Bunny sighed and stared into the live sick eyes of Cerise Hood one last time before offering the rose.

“Oh Bunny that is so sweet thank- uhhh my head!” The rose suddenly turned into a vibrant red color and Bunny held her breath as Cerise clutched her head.

“What-? What happened?”

“Oh nothing! Hunter here decided to play with my special arrows. You know the ones that make two people fall in love. But don’t worry I had Bunny give you a rose that cures you.”

Cerise stumbled as she heard what Cupid said, her eyes darting to a flushed Bunny who waved softly at her.

She felt guilt rise in her throat as she say the lipstick marks all over her hands, going from palms to elbows. Now Bunny was definitely going to hate her. Just great.

“Look I’m so so sorry… I didn’t mean to do all that.”

She shook her head, reaching and and grabbing her hands as she smiled in reassurance. “It’s alright I know it’s not your fault.”

Both girls stared into each others eyes, unconsciously moving closer and closer together when they suddenly heard something.

“So what do the color of the roses mean Cupid.”

“Well it depends Raven not all love has to be romantic for example, yellow means true friendship but then red means true romance!”

Cerises eyes darted to the red rose in her hand and then quickly to Bunny who she found was already staring at her.

Something unspoken seemed to pass between them. As if they could read each others minds. Cerise gulped as she raised Bunny’s hand.

“Would you… like to go to the true hearts day dance with… me.” Her words came out in a breath as Bunny leaned in closet her soft lips meeting her cheek.

“I would love to.”

—————————

Can we just talk about this ship for a sec like I’ve never considered them as a ship before but nowwww idk there’s something real cute bout them.

Anyway I promise to try to pick up my slack but yeah idk what’s been up with me lately but let’s be honest it’s probably that damn fucking school

Hope you enjoyed and have a great dayy!!

[luci-chan666]

Obey Me!! (Brothers x Reader Lemon Story)

Warning!!: This story has mature themes and isn't suitable for children. This story will have chapters casually posted alongside this first chapter. This story will contain smut and cuss words, and at the beginning of each chapter there will be another warning. The GIFS will signal a time skip.

Enjoy the story, and just remember; You have been warned.

Chapter 1 - Accidents happen.

Solomon was in the kitchen making a spell for the seven deadly brothers of Devildom, shuffling through the ingredients and adding them to the pot in front of him. Usually; he would be doing this in his own room, but since Barbatos was cleaning his room he decided to use the kitchen instead.

"Alright... I've added three crow claws, one eye from an eight-eyed demon deer, and now I just need a seraphim feather to finish this up." Solomon mumbled under his breath, reaching for the glass container that supposedly held several seraphim feathers for spells and curses.

He reached in the glass with one hand and mixed the boiling pot with the other, grabbing the feather and tossing it into the pot carefully before closing the glass container again. Solomon leaned in to see that instead of the boiling liquid being green it was now sparkly pink, that wasn't good.

"That's an exothermic reaction... it's not supposed to do that."

Solomon jolted and backed away from the pot slowly, he knew he wasn't supposed to leave a spell out in the open but he had no other choice as he exited the room quickly and heard a explosion in the kitchen.

He slowly peeked around the corner and saw that everything in the kitchen was now disintegrated or worse. Solomon laughed nervously and whispered to himself.

"That's going to come back to get me later."

Solomon left the House of Lamentations and awkwardly let Barbatos know about the mess he caused in the kitchen, which meant the kitchen had to be under renovation... AGAIN.

"Solomon... you do realize that Y/N's room is right next to the kitchen right?" Barbatos calmly stated, not seeming bothered by the fact that the kitchen was ruined, knowing Lucifer and Beel were going to be the most upset over the kitchen being destroyed.

This fact only meant that Y/N was going to have to bunk in some of the brothers rooms again while the kitchen was being fixed and repaired.

"Since you caused the mess, you should be the one to tell Y/N the situation."

Barbatos added after a moment of watching Solomon's figure stiff, going back to cleaning around the castle, dusting off various vases and antiques.

Later after first period when the brothers and Y/N had yet to know about this morning's incident, Solomon had arrived late to class with a nervous expression on his face as he sat beside Y/N.

"Hey uh... Y/N?" Solomon started, watching Y/N as she glanced at Solomon curiously.

"What is it?" Y/N asked, tilting her head slightly. Solomon gulped and scratched the back of his head, his fluffy white locks moving slightly as he did so.

"So... this morning I was trying to put a spell on all of the brothers, it was supposed to be a good luck spell to help them with the exams this week-" Solomon explained, scanning Y/N's face for a brief second before continuing.

"I ended up putting the wrong ingredient in." Solomon sighed and got out his notebook as he kept speaking, trying to be casual as he said this next part. "Instead of adding a seraphim feather- I accidentally added a succubus feather. Which uh-... made the kitchen explode." Y/N jolted and widened her eyes, giving him a look that read; "are you serious?" Solomon quickly spoke in a defensive tone in response to her look before she could even get a word out, holding his hands out slightly. "Hey- it just means that you'll be spending the week in the demon brothers rooms is all!! I bet they'll fix up the kitchen in no time!" Y/N glared at him with a; "really?" expression on her face, not believing a word he was saying and shaking her head, not saying anything.

"Oh- um... one more thing." Solomon cringed and murmured to Y/N softly, making it to where only she would be able to hear him.

"Due to the ingredient mix up... instead of giving the brothers good luck... they're going to wanna give you a... well..."

Solomon hesitated then finished and prepared himself to be punched in the shoulder.

"Good f*ck."

Y/N jolted and instinctively punched him in the shoulder harshly, but not enough to leave a bruise, it definitely hurt though, she was strong.

"Are you kidding me right now!?" Y/N protested, Solomon sighed and shook his head, being honest and starting to take notes.

Y/N couldn't even believe Solomon right now, nor focus on what the teacher was saying, she was stunned for a good 10 minutes before she sighed in defeat and started taking her notes, silently hoping the effects of the spell weren't going to kick in today at least.

"Hey Y/N. Would you like to accompany me to the library after school? I have this new book I found that I think you'll share interest in."

Satan asked after the fourth period, walking Y/N to her fifth period class. Levi quickly perked up and blushed softly as he spoke.

"I was gonna invite her to watch this new anime series with me..."

Mammon interrupted Levi and spoke.

"Wha-? No way she finna' join ya'!! She's definitely gon' join me after school to play some poka' me. Who wouldn't wanna spend time with the great Mammon afta' all?"

As Y/N finally arrived at her fifth period class she looked back at all of them and spoke.

"I'll think about it guys." She said simply, going to her desk and sitting down, leaving the demon brothers to go to their next classes and do their own things.

Y/N finished up and packed up her things as the bell rang to finish fifth period, Asmo going up to her as she was putting her notebook and supplies back into her backpack.

"Hi Y/N-Chan!!~ You wanna come with me after school? We can have a spa day!~ ❤"

Now that was normal from Asmodeus, but usually he would suggest a makeover or shopping spree instead.

"I'll answer you later Asmo, I'm kinda busy at the moment." Asmo nodded and giggled adorably, replying in his Asmo fashion.

"Text me your answer soon!!~"

With that he went off campus to get some lunch, as Y/N put on her backpack and felt her stomach growl softly.

Y/N walked down the hallway and into the courtyard, sitting on one of the benches silently and looking up as she saw Beel sit beside her, bags of food from different restaurants already packed into his muscular arms.

"Hi Y/N!" Beel greeted, pulling out a burger from the Hell's Kitchen bag and taking a ginormous bite out of it.

"Hey Beel." Y/N greeted back, her stomach growling again, Beel immediately noticing and giving her one of the many bags of food he bought, Beel never shared food...

"Eat."

Beel stated, taking another bite of his burger while Y/N gently took the restaurant bag from his masculine hand, nodding and smiling gratefully as she shared lunch with him.

After lunch Y/N threw away her trash and thanked Beel for the food, putting her backpack over her shoulder and going to her second to last period of the day; sixth period.

As she sat down she saw her sleepy table mate Belphie snoring faintly with his head buried in his arms, he was always so peaceful as he slept.

Y/N looked away, not wanting to seem like she was staring at him, Belphie stirred awake as the period started, looking at Y/N and yawning softly, rubbing the corners of his eyes and slowly rising his head up to try and pay attention.

Belphie murmured after a minute, glancing at Y/N and giving her a tired smile.

"I'm gonna go to the planetarium later, you can join if you want." Y/N nodded and stayed quiet as the teacher started talking, Belphie slowly lowering his head and falling asleep again during class, having the same peaceful expression on his face as before.

After all of Y/N's classes, Lucifer announced that there was an urgent student council meeting taking place.

Of course; Y/N and all the demon brothers rushed over to the council room, knowing not to skip the meeting this time since Lucifer sounded like he was going to behead someone over the intercom.

As everyone sat down in their seats, Lucifer spoke up in an apparent irritable tone.

"I've been informed that our kitchen has been destroyed again, and some of Y/N's room. Which means we'll have to renovate the kitchen and Y/N's room. AGAIN."

The brothers all flinched at the sudden news, looking at each other, Mammon went to speak but Lucifer stopped him before he could even let a word leave his scumbag mouth.

"Shut it Mammon."

Mammon huffed and crossed his arms, shaking his head.

"So where's Y/N going to sleep?"

Satan spoke up finally, tilting his head and glancing around at all of his brothers, avoiding Lucifer's gaze.

"She's going to bunk with each one of us this week."

Lucifer stated, glancing at Y/N and adding onto his statement.

"By that I mean; she'll be sharing a room with one of you each night." All of the demon brothers groaned or huffed in unison, and Lucifer interrupted them all.

"There is going to be NO dispute over this. I purposely said Y/N would get to bunk with one of you each night of the week so you all WOULDN'T complain."

Lucifer raised his voice twice in the sentence, emphasizing his words and making himself clear, the brothers had no choice but to agree.

"So uh... what room am I going to be staying in first?" Y/N asked, raising her eyebrow and hearing all the brothers start to speak up at the same time, her and her pretty mouth.

"ENOUGH."

Lucifer raised his voice again more sternly this time, shutting every one of the demon brothers mouths up, sighing to himself and speaking again in a normal tone.

"You'll be sharing a room with Beel and Belphie first."

Beel perked up and smiled, Belphie also smiled sleepily, both of the Pisces twins seemed happy by Lucifer's words, even if Belphie hated Lucifer's guts with a passion.

"In two days, we'll figure out which room she's staying in next. Understood?"

Lucifer said, all the demon brothers nodded without another word and left the council room, all of their plans having been canceled by the sudden meeting.

Chapter 1 - End.

(This will be continued in the blog link below.)

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3871

i just went and fixed the last ten post titles because i mixed up the numbers. rip.

this morning i was so tired. i took my meds and then i went back to sleep for a while, or i intended to, but i played on my phone for a while. until my alarm went off, when i pressed snooze and took a brief nap. and when it un-snoozed, i was still tired but i needed to get up. so i got up, took a warmer shower than yesterday (thank god), and got dressed. today we celebrated kristen's baby's birthday, so melissa, kristen, kristen's mom, and i went to a diner nearby and had lunch together. it was really nice.

after lunch, for which we all had breakfast, i headed back to the house because my idiot squad was supposed to have d&d today and i needed my bag and my dice for that, so i grabbed them and headed back out to head to kimberly and nathon's house. and since our dm wasn't feeling well, the game was cancelled so i just got to hang out with kimthon for the afternoon. we watched videos on youtube of people playing resident evil and some other horror games because why not when you have friends around you who are just as jumpy as you are. we got dominos for dinner and i accidentally got nathon's pasta, which was just like my pasta, except his had bacon and pineapple instead of just bacon, like mine was supposed to have.

and i gotta tell you.

the pineapple was good.

unfortunately i now have to say that i understand people who put pineapple on their pizza.

so that was fine.

we watched stuff and hung out until about thirty when i headed home to joel's.

we are now together in the slightly warmer basement, and joel is snoring softly beside me.

it's been a really good day. i'm happy.

[uozlulu]

Finished draft 0 for Okarun's POV. It's 15 sections long lol Mostly because I gave him a post-intro scene with all his new friends

Draft 0

Okarun 1

Okarun is a typical middle school third year. His alarm goes off and he gets ready for his entrance exam. His little brother is already awake and going to meet with friends to see a movie. His dad is at work. His mom wishes him good luck on his exam.

Okarun heads out. When passing by the playground, he spots an alien. He feels compelled to approach them. The alien tells him that it can send him to the place he belongs and not to worry because he won’t have problems with money. Okarun takes the alien’s hand and feels something swirl around them. The alien disappears but leaves a card with a charity’s name on it in Okarun’s hand. Okarun pockets the card and heads off to the exam.

Okarun has an assigned seat at the exam. He doesn’t recognize any of the kids around him. The date also seems a little off but he’s been studying and so maybe he just has no concept of time anymore.

Okarun finishes his exam and sees a lot of kids on flat gaming devices that seem to double as phones. He can’t remember anything like that being advertised in tech magazines. He wonders if maybe he did too much studying.

Okarun heads home and picks up the mail. The mail stamp ends in 22. That’s weird but it’s also consistent. Okarun sees someone in the yard and thinks it’s his grandpa but when the man looks up, Okarun can tell it’s not him at all. This guy looks more like his dad.

Okarun’s dad panics and calls him a ghost. Okarun panics, drops the mail, and runs. His feet lead him to the charity on the card the alien gave him. They give him an application to fill out. When he asks the day’s date, they tell him it’s 2022.

Okarun realizes that man with the gray hair was probably his dad. He fills out his application.

That night, he has a small, cheap apartment. His bank account seems to still exist and has been earning interest over the last twenty years. Okarun isn’t exactly sure what to do. He decides to sleep for now.

In the morning, he wakes up and his phone confirms that it’s still 2022. He goes to middle school and they treat him like a transfer student who is supposed to be there. He gets seated behind the daughter of a boy he used to sit behind. He can see her father in her. She doesn’t even glance twice at him.

After school, Okarun heads to the playground. There’s no sign of the alien there. He heads to the library to research his own disappearance and see if they have any alien magazines from the same time period that might shed light on his situation. He does find some articles about himself, but nothing about the alien. He returns to his apartment.

~

Okarun 2

It’s April and Okarun’s on his way to high school. He hears someone call out to him. It’s an office worker who’s in his 30’s. Definitely looks like Miki sort of. Okarun panics and runs. He accidentally runs right into Momo. Momo tells him to watch it. Okarun apologizes. Momo heads off to class. Okarun goes to a different homeroom and starts reading the latest issue of the alien magazine he subscribed to. There’s nothing about the alien in there, but there is a warning about a group of aliens looking for human body parts.

After class, Okarun once again heads to the playground but there are no signs of any aliens. He keeps returning to the playground every day and keeps striking out. His notes are a mix of alien info and school. He’s passing his classes though. He has no friends. He’s managed to avoid Miki.

Okarun sits on the swings in the dark and feels absolutely alone.

~

Okarun 3

It’s finally chilly at night and back to winter uniform weather. Okarun and Momo get cursed and abducted. Okarun’s following Momo home. Momo’s wearing his uniform but he can still see her bra. He’s trying not to look. He apologizes for getting her abducted.

Momo wonders what the heck happened when Okarun possibly got abducted that made him think that this was going to work out.

Okarun tells her that he touched an alien once and it took him somewhere unexpected. He hasn’t seen the alien since.  He kept all his clothes and body parts.

Momo points out a ghost could have even done that. Okarun points out that this creature was corporeal so of course it wasn’t a ghost. Although now that he’s encountered Turbogranny he has no idea what to think anymore.

Momo also apologizes for sending him to the tunnel. She didn’t realize it was going to be that bad. Sometimes ghosts are harmless sometimes they’re not. But don’t worry, her granny is going to fix this.

Okarun is glad. He realizes he’s getting more and more used to talking to Momo and it makes him nervous all over again. They pass by the playground. Okarun looks for the alien but it’s not there. It’s probably for the best. He needs to sort out what happened tonight before he goes home anyway. He’s just glad he can stay at Momo’s place tonight and doesn’t have to deal with this by himself in his apartment.

~

Okarun 4

Okarun, Momo, and Aira are at the abdnoned building where the AcroSilky incident went down. Okarun feels exhausted.

Aira says more than asks that she died. She was aware she did. She didn’t meet her mom or anything but she just kind of knew it was happening and that it happened and that AcroSilky brought her back. Aira seems a little shaken even though she’s still got a strong expression on her face.

Momo invites both of them to her house. They might as well have Seiko look Aira over just in case.

Aira agrees to go. She loops her arm through Okarun’s arm. Momo isn’t super into this so she loops her arm through Okarun’s other arm. Okarun is a bit overwhelmed. He reminds himself to walk. He’s actually kind of grateful for them holding onto him even if it’s intimidating because he is genuinely that tired.

It’s a little easier with Momo than Aira but he’s managing to talk to both of them. He’s a little proud of himself. They pass by the playground. Aira asks him what he’s looking at. Okarun tells them it’s nothing.

They continue on their way to the Ayase shrine.

~

Okarun 5

It’s Tuesday after school. Okarun and Jiji are at the same abandon buildings where the AcroSilky incident took place. Turbokarun and Evil Eye fight yo. It’s a challenge but Okarun is kind of approaching it like a game of dodging. He can feel his energy getting low and stops the fight. He praises Evil Eye and tells him that he’s got a ways to go still. Evil Eye still wants to keep fighting but Okarun uses the power of being an experienced older brother to shut it down.

Jiji appears. It’s kind of late now so Okarun invites Jiji back to his apartment. They stop by a convenience store nearby for supper and such on their way there.

Jiji is surprised that Okarun lives alone. Okarun says it’s a temporary thing. Jiji doesn’t press for details.

They have supper together and watch videos on Jiji’s phone. They tell weird stories and manage to fall asleep at a decent hour.

~

Okarun 6

Okarun is on his way to lunch with Momo. Rin sees him in the hallway and pulls him aside. She’s concerned about him especially with his friendship with Momo. Rin doesn’t want Okarun to spend high school being someone’s gofer or getting bullied into things.

Okarun tells her that Momo is his friend and everything is fine. He admits that he’s really nervous around girls but talking to Momo regularly and Aira too has been helping him. There’s really nothing to worry about.

But what abou the time they all showed up in a hallway in their underwear? That didn’t look perfectly fine and normal.

Okarun isn’t sure how to explain that one so he goes for the truth. They found aliens at school and had to fight them. The aliens are here to harvest body parts and stripped them during battle.

Rin gives him a LOOK. She understands if Okarun can’t tell her what’s going on but she suggests he talks to an adult about it at least. But if he does ever need anything, he can always come to her about anything. She is the class rep after all.

Okarun promises that he will go to her with things. He heads off to meet Momo for lunch. Momo  ambushes him in the hallway and asks what that was about.

Okarun tells her that Rin is worried about the fact all of them showed up in their underwear that one time.

Momo doesn’t want to remember that.

~

Okarun 7

Okarun, Kinta, and Vamola all have the same class. It makes Homeroom more fun than Okarun ever remembers it being in middle school or even first year at high school. Okarun and Kinta are trying to help Vamola study for history. It’s her hardest subject because there’s no real context for anything involved in the topic. They’re trying to help her memorize associations and groupings of things. They’re going through flashcards and get to the end. They take a little break from it.

Kinta says he’s looking forward to the episode of Gundam 0223 this weekend. Okarun metnions that he hasn’t really seen any Gundam since 0201 and he didn’t even finish it. Kinta tells him that his dad is a major Gundam freak and he’s got all the DVDs they should totally have a Gundamathon during winter brea. Okarun likes that idea. They invite Vamola to join them.

Vamola isn’t sure what a DVD is. She heard Momo and Seiko mention work and shrine, so she’s going to do that for winter break. She said Momo said there’s an outfit involved. Vamola is excited to be included. Even though it’s not quite time to think about Shougatsu Vamola is excited because the others are excited enough to start talking about it.

Kinta and Okarun are totally going to do Gundamathon though.

Homeroom ends and it’s time to prepare for Japanese lessons.

~

Okarun 8

While Vamola and Jiji went with Momo and the others to find a solution to those affected by the game, Okarun, Aira, Kinta, Rin, and Kouki had to fight a teacher at school. They managed to succeed and get the images erased from his phone and the cloud backup. Sanjome helped towards the end and promised to take care of things so the students won’t get into trouble. Okarun isn’t sure how to feel about Sanjome but he thinks they can trust him with that much at least.

Kinta, Aira, and Rin are heading home in one direction. Okarun and Kouki are heading in another direction. Okarun also wants to walk Kouki home because enough terrible things have happened today so he wants everyone to get home safe.

Kouki is quiet and awkward. It makes Okarun realize that he’s gotten better at talking to girls in the last few months since he started hanging out with Momo regularly.

Kouki thanks him for being nice after the whole pygmy thing and thanks him for helping with Murakami.

Okarun is just glad that they were able to help. It’d be more upsetting if they returned with Momo and the others to find everyone headless or worse.

None of them have heard from Momo’s group yet. It’s still too early to hear if it was successful yet. They hope things works out.

They arrive at Kouki’s place. Okarun says goodbye and heads home. He passes by the playground and doesn’t really give it a second dglance. The alien isn’t on his mind at all.

~

Okarun 9

Momo and the others return with their problems fixed. The whole gang gets together to celebrate. Zuma took the kid home. There are more people than spots at the table. The food is good and plentiful nonetheless.

Kouki, Rin, and Kinta eventually go home. Jiji, Okarun, and Aira are staying the night.

Okarun can’t sleep. He wanders outside. There are a lot of stars in the sky with no moon. Though the light pollution is obscuring most stars.

Momo joins him. Okarun confesses. Momo returns his feelings. They have an awkward, but heartfelt first kiss.

Jiji congratulates them. Aira wishes Okarun good luck. Vamola is happy for them. Seiko is surprised it took them this long.

The audience part is absolutely mortifying but things will be okay.

~

Okarun 10

It’s Shougatsu and people are still doing hatsumode. Okarun, Vamola, and Jiji are helping Seiko and Momo at the shrine.

They don’t get a lot of worshipers but they do get a lot of local youkai and others who make deals with Seiko. Okarun comes across a lost child. Two kitsune start a fight nearby and start setting stuff on fire.

Okarun summons his power he’s been training since Momo returned.

The child runs off to their family. Okarun sees Miki but there’s no time to talk or think about it or run. Okarun tries to stop the kitsune fight.

Momo helps with the kitsune. She tells the family to leave.

Seiko shows up soon after and puts a proper stop to everything.

They help put out the fires.

~

Okarun 11

Okarun is going to the fireworks with Momo. He’s existed for it. He knows the others will be there too but he’s thinking they could just watch the fireworks together, just the two of them.

Momo is so cute. He feels really happy and lucky.

Miki confronts them. Okarun isn’t sure what to do. He runs like he usually does. He doesn’t really want to have it out.

Momo finds him. Okarun confesses what happened. Momo wants to help but he feels confused and conflicted. He just goes home.

He gets home and realizes he just left her at the playground. He feels awful and like an idiot.

He doesn’t know what he wants, but at the same time he does honestly want to go home but not home to 2002, just home to his family.

He’s alone at his apartment and it hurts.

~

Okarun 12

Okarun goes to school with a general plan for the next time he runs into Miki. He’s surprised to run into him so soon though. He doesn’t know why it took him so long to realize he could just lie about who he is. Though he does hate lying. He ends up texting Miki in homeroom.

~

Okarun 13

They meet up for burgers after cram school. Jiji took Momo home from work today. Okarun has to talk about himself like he’s his own dad. It’s difficult but doable. He tries not to say anything too specific like his dad kept him out of the loop about where he worked and such.

Miki is concerned and offers to let Okarun live with him. Okarun panics a little, not wanting to burden Miki’s family or create a weird situation. He does promise to consider the offer.

Miki asks him about his mom. Okarun claims he doesn’t remember her and his “dad” never really talked about her. He’s not sure if they were together or she died or what. But that’s part of why he’s fascinated by aliens. People can just disappear and you never know where they went.

Miki tells him that his brother liked aliens too. He says that his brother was fascinated by them because he claimed to have met one once when they were little. Miki never believed the story but well, like Okarun said, people do just disappear sometimes.

Okarun has no memory of meeting an alien before the one at the playground. He does have a very vague memory of telling Miki about it. 

Miki wants to introduce Okarun to their parents. He says he can arrange something with them. Okarun agrees to it.

~

Okarun 14

Okarun and Momo go to Okarun’s parents’ home. They told Miki they wanted Okarun to bring his girlfriend with him. Okarun is nervous. He’s glad Momo’s with him.

It’s weird seeing his parents in their 60’s and 70’s. They were an office romance. Miki and his wife are nice and their kids are young and cute. Miki and his wife met in high school. They have lunch together.

Okarun’s dad pulls him aside after lunch. He knows that Okarun is Okarun and not Okarun’s son. Even though he wasn’t around Okarun as much as he wished, he knows Okarun well enough to know there’s no way he’s his own kid.

Okarun confesses and apologizes.

Okarun’s mom and Miki were listening in. She could tell he was himself too. After all, he looks identical to Okarun and that just doesn’t happen IRL. There’s always a bit of the mother in there too.

Miki’s surprised he didn’t notice and he kind of gets why Okarun didn’t tell him but he wishes Okarun told him.

They all have a moment.

~

Okarun 15

Later, it’s time to leave. Okarun is going to walk Momo home and then bring his stuff from his apartment. He doesn’t own much so he can get it by himself.

Okarun tells her what happened. He knows it’ll be different but he does want to rejoin the family.

Momo says he can still come around whenever he wants.

Okarun does want to, Momo’s just as important to him too. She and Seiko also feel like family.

Momo isn’t sure what that means.

Okarun clarifies it means that he can’t imagine life without her in it anymore. He’s glad he came here. He can tell he belongs here.

Momo is flattered and flustered.

They’re going ot have many years together.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

11.4.24 Monday--Madness???

8:12 am

Still, have windblow...

Done,washing John's floormats... It is really difficult without the washing machine... This Uncle Jun, I don't know if he is real but he is just assisting on food but something is a mystery.

A mystery just like my fakers Uncle DD... This is not my ideal life,angels... Lack of everything...

It seems that Uncle DD is having a msytery of ritual to curse someone???

Nana is vomiting and having a slight of diarrhea...

Our toilet bowl inside is not yet ohkay... I really wanna cry... I need high-end cleaning materials or modern stuff angels...

Please, make my nana healthy... Angels of death pass the death on someone has a bad heart...

This is plan of Uncle DD or Uncle Jun or plan of my biological mother Bethsilogz???

Does Betsilogz owned the cursing power?

I need a job and money angels...

11:07 am

Still,have windblow...

Uncle DD is super fakers doesn't want us to connect on their electric...

He just said that he connected it but I know just like the bad kid Ivan they didn't plug on the wire inside their house...

Uncle DD is fakers as always... It is really hot angels...

Good thing in a way Uncle Jun is still here... It is so hot...

Uncle DD is our main waiter boy. What did they do??? 17 years??? WHAT DID THEY DO WITH MITCH?

Uncle DD is really a bad person as well,planning things this way...

2:40 pm

Still,have windblow...

I'm so fucking-less tired today... I need to talk to Kuya Erning just to ask if he clean the water filter coz all of us is having a bit of diarrhea... But not accusing just simply asking...

The morning is not good today, it is like a showdown of poops of both nana and John... John poops is in the kitchen floormat but today is somehow huge and 2 poops on 2 other places....

Nana accidentally had her loose poops on the floor before going to the bathroom and inside the bathroom floor. It is really hellish this am... Not my ideal life... I'm earning nothing here hahaha This is my nana and family but I used to be spoiled but we can't afford yaya and helpers anymore...

The connection of electric on Uncle DD is back but it seemed everything were "intentional" scary character...

I need to get a job and I need money... Trying to make friends or get a bf to be my shoulder to lean on these days or a good hearted person to assist me on money... A philantropist with love and care...

8:10 pm

Still,have windblow...

I feel bitterish... I feel frustrated here in Cavite... I feel depress for being a bummer... I can't get a best friend or bf who is religious just willing to assist me now on money...

I feel ugly and old and I'm not happy not getting the vanìties that I want... I feel frustrated...

I feel angry on my cousin's, some old fakers friends even some unfair relatives...

I have mixed-up emotions about everything... This is not my ideal life...

There are people like Uncle DD who is, I "guess",behind of my failures in life... "Perhaps",one of the people who are just at my back to put chaos in my life....Like what I posted here from the previous days,that there are group of people who are organized to destroy my entire future...

Once again, this is not my ideal life... I always want to have love and security... There are so many admiration that I can post here but I feel hopeless and frustrated coz time is passing me by without any security of future or without any stability. I feel fear and I worry so much and I'm not happy...

I don't know if Mitch and some other people that I know from the past years of my life, are having that kind of "chaotic entanglement" and they used my name or me? Coz I was supposed to be the baby...The baby right?

The baby that can be used to link themselves on each other's mystery chain... An unfair entanglement at my back, just like my anger point on my Aunt Ten/Tin and the cousin that I like most my cousin-white, what happened from the past years? If they did have entanglement on people that I know or probably a past crowd or worst a crashing of each other's physical aspect like a blended toppings on the ice cream of first and 2nd degree cousin's. It is a mystery and unfair linking without my knowledge. WHAT IS THEIR PURPOSE?

Did Mitch give me those and these "simple batteries"....

The people who are involve on? Since 2007? They met each other, happy without me obviously,right?

I already have these "deep smile lines"... No, Starbucks, I can't go back to gym and no any modern vanities... So saddish... Stealing my men and most didn't like me coz of my poorish situation and some like me but they put them into an unfair maze and some love never strike...

Define Baby? The favorite, the darling of the crowd. Having gathering every now and then... The host... The MC... The guide of the crowd... Always in the center in group picture... Party will not start without her,the baby...

[in-a-daddy-state-of-mind]

My Favorite Addiction (Drabble)

Pairing: Javier Peña x gn! reader

Summary: Your only addiction is the sight of Javier Peña in the morning

Word Count: 794 

Warnings: Mention of smut, Mentions of drugs and drug trafficking, I think that’s it but let me know if there is anything else. Just in case MINORS DNI

Notes: Just the idea of waking up next to this man would not leave me so I thought might as well put it down! Very excited to start writing more. This is the first thing I post here so aaaaaa let me know thoughts. 

If you had one addiction it was to the sight of Javier Peña in the morning. You always woke up before him and got to see perhaps the only moments when this man was fully relaxed. He was all golden skin, broad shoulders, and messy curls.

It hadn’t always been like this. The first messy encounters you had with Peña didn’t lead to morning afters where you got to stare at his sleeping figure. The first times were all supposed to be the last. You accidentally went to the same party, you accidentally ended up in the same bar, you accidentally were rooming in the same hotel. All with the same ending of you quickly dressing and leaving Peña, checking every corner to see if no one saw you. No one could see you. Pablo Escobar’s accountant couldn’t be sleeping with a DEA agent.

And yet it became an addiction. The more you tried to resist it the more you found Peña’s arms. No one fucked you like he did. Your second favorite view was the look of concentration mixed with pleasure as you two fucked to the soundtrack of your screams. God, Javier Peña was the best lay you ever had and you were enchanted.

You knew the dangers of it but you couldn’t bring yourself to regret that first night in a dim lit club far away from Escobar’s prying eyes. His soft lips on yours, his hands finding your bare skin, his arousal making itself known against your legs, his soft curls between your fingers. In retrospect, that was when you doomed yourself.

Javi slowly moves shifting to face you and rub the sleep from his eyes.

“Good morning.” He whispers in his raspy morning voice.

Another beautiful thing you just couldn’t get enough of.

“You staring at me again, cariño?”

As much as you tried to hide it he knew all your secrets. You still didn’t know why he wanted you to be an informant it felt like he could tell everything he needed to know from you without even asking.

“Guilty.” You whisper back as he makes his way to find your lips.

You kiss him back softly. The morning kisses are always different from the nights. Softness making way from the hunger. Comfort being drawn from the passion. You couldn’t decide what you liked best.

“Do you want to stay? Maybe go grab some breakfast. I’m off of work today.” Peña asks in a tone that sounds almost hopeful.

“I can’t, Javi. They’ll start wondering.”

You hate denying him. You hate having to leave. But after that first time, after you slept with Peña and was quickly escorted after to Pablo for him to explain exactly who you had just shared a bed with, you knew what you were getting into. This was the price for keeping Javier Peña.

“Escobar can fuck off.” Peña mutters protectively wrapping his arms around you.

“You know it’s not that simple.” You utter avoiding looking him in the eye.

Instead you choose to trace the veins in his arm. Trying to distract yourself from what you know comes next.

“Yeah. I know.” Javi utters. “I’m a death sentence.”

“One I signed willingly.” You joke opening a small smile.

He moves his hand to cup your cheek, brushing away a piece of hair that fell on your eyes. You look back up and meet his eyes. His eyes. You loved those eyes.

“I could take you away. I could put you somewhere he wouldn’t find you.” He pleads.

“We talked about this. He would find me. If not, he would kill my family.”

“You’re not even an informant.”

“Yeah, but you are the enemy. I’m supposed to stay away.”

“We could stop seeing each other.” Javi suggests scared you will actually say yes to it. You had in the past but it never stuck before. Nonetheless he fears.

“Sure. We could. But I would give us two weeks before one of us breaks and we are back here again.”

You laugh together with him before he returns to attack your lips.

Somehow enemy didn’t feel like the right title for him anymore. You couldn’t fit those words and the man you grew to know together in your head. You desperately wanted to, but you fell to his charms and you don’t think there’s any going back.

So instead you lay around with him a little longer. You kiss and hold each other until you finally get up and get dressed. Almost like routine you make your way out of his dingy apartment and back to your own. All the way the only thing in your mind continues to be how Javier Peña was the most addictive and dangerous drug you had come upon.