#I was real funny for this one
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"ZAUM! Give the rights to the game back to the original developers!" said John Phoenix. "Fuck you John Phoenix I'll never give it back because that's against the rules of capitalism or something gfahahaha!" John Phoenix smirked. It was time to spring his trap. And as he expected, the capable Kim Kitsuragi and the detective were way ahead of him. They entered Collage Mode and made a scenario where ZAUM was under a guillotine and couldn't get out!
Commission for @pinkcocoapowder
Quote from John Phoenix in Disco Elysium 3: John Phoenix VS Collage Mode by TheHoboSeven
hi everyone. you should learn about john phoenix and read everything about him and look at the archive. Smiles big and wide
#disco elysium#parcark art tag#john phoenix#I was real funny for this one#for organisation ->#ace attorney#aaoc
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had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing
#normally I don't chronicle my dreams here but fucking hell that one was funny#I think this would genuinely make tumblr better tbh#@ staff do this cowards#spy has thoughts#my life is a sitcom and i am my own laugh track#functional website#spy's smash hits#Glock function#edit for everyone in the notes saying 'everyone clapped'#I know I can't prove to you that it happened for real you're just gonna have to trust me on this#but I swear on my goddamn life I'm not making this up#I make so many conscious puns that sometimes my subconscious cooks up a real good one
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no more fan-ta-sizing about it! everything's already changed~
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#figueroth faeth#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#fh class quangle#my! class swap thing! I guess this is like the poster for it now#got overinvested and finished it properly instead of winging it lol#in closeup order: cleric!gorgug; bard!riz; rogue!fabian; sorcerer!kristen; barbarian!fig; artificer!adaine#this one does have the harpoon gun I'd give fabian during sophomore year but literally only figured out for this piece lol#I like how it looks tho Im glad I hashed it out#thinking abt power armor adaine a lot tbh... she has the transhumanist audacity. she's villain-adjacent enough#to attempt unspeakable acts of body improvement#(its funny bc to wear a rig like that would Also demand a certain level of physical strength from you)#also yeah this is the thing with riz holding a megaphone that got me considering#its fun! it fits the aesthetics! maybe it'd grant him range for bardics#maybe he gets to keep that Im just not sure how he'd carry it around lol#fig gets to have all of her makeup... I like almost never remember to draw it usually kdsjfhdjk listen. I just forgor#I always forget makeup is real#also dont ask me what's in kristen's thermos it Is usually tea but you truly never know#sometimes its soup. it can be lighter fluid. soap perhaps. hot chocolate#also if u come knocking on my door abt kristen's somatic in this piece: I wont be home#she gets to be gross especially bc shes funny and 17yo and gay. we give it to her#okay I. whoo I should lay down. finally I can move on to other things#cheers! wahoo. yahha perhaps
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Michael Afton knows the FNAF Mimic’s secret..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#mimic#the mimic#michael afton#fnaf puppet#security breach#secret of the mimic#fnaf sister location#fallfest#I can’t believe I still haven’t drawn everything that was announced during the anniversary#IM GETTING around it it folks 😭 so much to draw!#it’s a good problem to have BAHAH#SO steelwool dropped a trailer for their new game!#the secrects of the mimic LETS GOO#like huge day for book truthers first off#second of all I’m glad we’re gonna get more info on the mimic in game#plus fallfest moment it was so real#WITH ALL of this I can’t wait to play it#ITS FUNNY though if the game is set in 1979 like the trailer hints#that means Michael could of totally met the mimic#NOT saying they will but just they could#and that would be so funny Michael upon meeting the mimic already knows em#Lil Michael caught the mimic while it was changing into costume oops!#also a smaller Michael design compared the one I usually draw before he got all moody#maybe that’s the mimics fault BAHAH
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Tubbo: Why have they changed it? These colors are awful. I– ew! I actually hate it! Where– what happened to the orange? Why’s it purple?
Tubbo: [Realizes] OH—
Tubbo: Oh, I'm actually– I'm actually a bigot, it’s Ace Race, I get it. Ohhh, ohhh that’s awkward. Ohhh, that's awkward. I’m a bigot. Oh, I'm a bigot. Oh, I'm a bigot. Ohhh. It’s crazy that they let bigots into MCC these days! Well actually, they’ve always done that.
#Tubbo#MCC#MCC Pride#June 1 2024#THE WAY I SCREAMED????#This is one of those rare times where I see a clip on Twitter and go#''haha that's funny I should fast forward to that part of the VOD''#and then the ending hit me like an 18 wheeler#I've never clipped something so fast in my life#Sorry for the 3 days late MCC clip I was touching grass this weekend#Anyways. Funniest possible comment he could've made#He's so real for that
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Blarmy!
#dimension 20#fantasy high#d20#fhjy#d20 fhjy#fig faeth#gorgug thistlespring#adaine o'shaughnessey#fabian seacaster#kristen applebees#k2#british kristen#heaven gained a real one today ….#the blimey intervention actually made me scream it was … it was crazy#the stuff of legend#also had to draw the party people ❤️#and gorgugs little comment#ive seen a couple of posts about it btw i see it more as a look how far weve come#like remember when we died to the corn cuties? well now were in the sky about to die from a bunch of fucking dragons attacking us#isnt life so funny
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don't think I'm not still deep in the episode 7 brainrot. because OH BOY AM I
(also one more extremely, obnoxiously self-referential thing, I'm -- I'm so sorry)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7#twisted wonderland book 7 part 7 spoilers#and so ends the saga#(this time for real i promise)#malleus post-episode 7: shroud...i should have heeded your warnings...now tell me more about how i may hunt this elusive 'snipe'#alas poor puppies :( i'm glad they had a little aside about how they can fix them after this whole mess#let ortho have his dogs!#man i love that this has come down to malleus vs technology though#MY FAVORITE#ortho: you can destroy the shell that links me to this mortal world...but can you select the CORRECT DOWNLOAD LINK???#malleus: (downloads a billion viruses and dies instantly)#also i'm probably the only one who thinks idia complaining about his own mental tartarus prison is funny#but there we go#idia has two modes and two modes only#he's either in the middle of a metaphor where he finally forgives himself for his brother's death and takes charge of his own destiny#or he's like 'fuck yeah i'm about to get isekai'd into the internet! (immediately falls over making dying whale sounds)'#wait no he has a third mode: actively suffocating because silver and sebek won't stop squishing him#look he's just delightful no matter what's going on okay
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Not beating the allegations.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jiang cheng#su she#lan qiren#(I oscillated between writing a funny or a serious final comic for season 2 so hard I did both. Enjoy the funny bonus!)#Woah hey! Two characters we have not seen in a long time!#Su She hasn't been seen in 100 comics! Unfortunately LWJ has a taste for his blood. He has only moments left to live.#I honestly thought LQR died (adaption memory blur) and I did *not* expect him to show up here.#That said it does act as a way more personal blow to LWJ's reputation for LQR to be there.#By staying on WWX's side he's not only throwing his reputation to the wind but also facing familial judgment.#It hits so much harder when the choice isn't an easy one to make.#Choosing to stand at someone's side when they *have* actually messed up - when they do have faults and flaws - that's love.#Love is hard work! Love is not low maintenance and good days every day.#Love is being able to say 'I am choosing to bear your weight when things are heavy.' Love is doing that reciprocally.#Which is 100% a real life lesson I am passing on#And also a plea for why it is so important we give credit to WWX's atrocities.#He *did* do some of that shit. He isn't fully innocent and it gives LWJ's choice so much more weight.
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you wanted zoro to be on whole cake island to fulfil your weird desire to see zoro punish sanji. I wanted zoro on whole cake island because I think he's stupid enough to right place wrong time the plan and accidentally marry Sanji in full view of the whole wedding party in what becomes the most elaborately constructed comedy of errors ever written. we are NOT the same.
#need a fic where zoro genuinely does marry sanji on wci without planning it#type of thing to happen to goofy pre ts zoro#zoro in the same mindset in which he created the usopp sword: well i didn't mean to but i guess this solves the immediate problem#and ofc he just rolls with it#they look at each other after the dust settles like. hey wtf was that. and immediately blame each other#pre relationship AND feelings realisation on both sides#dont get me wrong i love fake relationship that becomes real but hear me out#legal accidental relationship thats extremely convenient and also funny until you pavlov yourself into being in love#vinsmoke sanji#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan#one piece#sanzo#zoro
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#polls#bullying#tumblr polls#poll#idk what the fuck to tags things as ever shrug#basically i was super super suspicious of anyone who ever asked me out by the time i got into high school#simply because it had happened so many times before#i just assumed no one would ever want to date me for real and that i was so comically disgusting that it was funny to pretend#anyways if this happened to you i'm sorry!! i hope things are better now
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you think YOU had a bad day at work?
bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera
#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank#he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :')#he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated#but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING#drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay...#also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger.........#geno kept Hovering in concern#po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog#ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both#also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited#anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a#long post#sidney crosby#evgeni malkin#pittsburgh penguins#also!!! to all who celebrate#ramadan kareem/eid mubarak#<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good
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exy fans + twitter (the trial: day one)
#DISCLAIMER THIS IS NOT REAL#if any of my posts need a disclaimer its this one#this one is not going to be funny#it is very hard to make a murder trial funny#just keep in mind this is fiction <3#cos theres a tiny part of this that doesnt feel quite right to be making memes about so#i hope this is??? okay???#aftg#all for the game#socmed au#mine#dan wilds#kevin day#andrew minyard#aaron minyard#renee walker#matt boyd#neil josten#nicky hemmick#allison reynolds
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This was for 4th of july hehehehehhee
#i honestly love apple media in a friend dynamic#i fell for the fucking tv#usually i hate 4th of July shit but this one was funny to me hehehehehe#i bet Lucifer would make a bangin burger to be so real with you#hazbin art#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin vox#vox#alastor#hazbin alastor#my art#radiostatic#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer#apple media#radioapple#staticapple
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“You were a friend when we needed it, and we won’t forget that. Should you ever need it, you have family in Baldur’s Gate.” - Zevlor
#bg3#bg3 tav#bg3 durge#bg3 rolan#bg3 zevlor#dammon#alfira#lakrissa#bg3 lia#bg3 cal#bg3 mol#arabella#mirkon#bg3 mattis#funny that zevlor says tieflings are raised to fear drow#then one becomes your greatest friend and ally#tiefling drow solidarity#yes this is my durge and yes alfira is here I do what I want#do you guys ever think about how durge probably hasn’t felt real love in the longest time or ever even#how their life has been nothing but bloodshed and horror#and now they have people who would protect them and trust with their lives#cause I think about it all the time#anyways I love the tieflings I’d kill anyone for them#will never experience minthara cause I can never harm them in the grove#baldur's gate 3
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Yall ever think about how Nightmare bb is canon in FNAF
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#nightmare balloon boy#fnaf 4#security breach#fnaf fanart#LIKE LITERALLY nightmare BB is the one canon thing from the Halloween update#which is so funny#makes sense in retrospect#BUT WHAT makes it funnier is the fact fazbear entertainment#they use nightmare bb regularly for their Halloween line up#they make products of this guy#SO IMAGINE MICHAEL just seeing one of his nightmares being a real guy#he’d scream????#to Vanny this is totally normal but to Michael ACTUALLY his living nightmare#Fazbear entertainment made all of Michael’s trauma into marketable toys I can’t 💀
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Overindulgent father Astarion who tells his children they’re allergic to any kind of jewellery that isn’t made of the highest grade Dwarven crafted gold.
It’s not even because Astarion might have a certain aversion to silver, no, he just raises his children to have standards, thank you very much.
And it doesn’t end with shiny things, oh no…
The Ancunín brood is known to be dressed in perfectly woven cotton, silk and soft leather clothes, no matter the occasion.
They’re seen playing with expensive toys, reading artfully illustrated books that certainly belong behind thick glass, not in children’s sticky hands.
There’s even talk that one of the children is not as naturally inclined to music as his parents claim him to be, surely his lyre must be enchanted—the instrument certainly looks extravagant enough!
And then there’s always this air of effortless haughtiness surrounding the Ancunín children whenever their nannies and servants are parading them through town as if they were perfect little dolls; objects to show off the wealth their parents acquired in quite the mysterious ways.
So, it’s no secret that Astarion and Tav are pampering their children—some might say they’re even spoiling them rotten.
And maybe they are, especially Astarion.
But he doesn’t see why he should raise them any other way, nor does he want to.
When it comes to his children, Astarion has his own standards, and as long as Tav agrees with him nothing really matters.
Because, these people, they don’t know anything about the Ancuníns.
They don’t know that it’s not unusual for Astarion to wash out dirt and mud and strawberry stains from comically small finery, leaving behind only the memories of a day spent playing in the garden, chasing after ducks, picking flowers, lazing in the sun…
That any holes and tears the children’s clothes might suffer are quickly mended, making them look as good as new in no time.
Nor do they know that Astarion doesn’t mind fashioning a brand new dress to match that of a favourite doll, either. Or to embroider a pretty vest with the likeness of that stray cat the children seem to adore, although their father would rather they don’t touch the mangy animal.
No, those people know nothing at all...
“Not tired!” Astarion’s youngest cries; the vehement denial of her father’s earlier accusation is cut short by a telltale yawn.
The room still smells of fragrant lavender oil and peaches even when the bath water has already grown tepid, just one or two degrees above what Astarion would consider too cold to be enjoyable.
Amused, he raises an eyebrow at the protesting toddler before he lifts her out of the copper bathtub with little effort.
By now, he knows every step of this game.
“Tut-tut, my dear child, what did mama and I say?” Astarion kneels, quickly wrapping a soft towel around the child to keep her warm. “We only tell lies outside of this house.”
Unfazed by her father’s gentle scolding, the girl crosses her arms that haven’t yet lost their puppy fat across her chest, reminding Astarion a little too much of a very displeased Tav.
Suppressing a sigh, he leans back to consider the pouting child, wondering what could possibly be upsetting her this time—the list is growing longer by the day, after all.
“What’s the matter, dear?” Astarion asks gently, hoping it’s something easily fixable as it’s growing rather late.
“Want apple!”
Decades ago, Astarion might’ve rolled his eyes—he knows exactly which stupid apple the child wants, it’s been haunting him all day—but once he started to treat his children’s problems as if they were his own, his life has grown somewhat easier.
“Why, let’s get an apple on our way to bed, then. Would that be alright, Your Highness?”
The girl promptly nods her head, allowing Astarion to pat her hair dry before dressing her in a clean night dress.
She rests her cheek against her father’s shoulder as he carries her first to the kitchen to grab a fragrant apple and a knife, then to her bedroom where they settle on the cosy window seat, just like they do every night.
Soft moonlight is pouring through the windows; the child giggles at the way the knife’s blade is catching the silver light as Astarion peels and cuts the apple into even pieces.
“Here you go,” he finally says, giving the slice of apple one last examining look before surrendering it to the impatient little hands reaching for it. “A sweet treat for my little sweet. Doesn’t it taste so much better when we don’t eat it off the floor, darling?” And when it’s not crawling with ants…
The appeased toddler nibbles at the juicy fruit as Astarion carefully combs through her still-damp curls.
Her hair’s getting long, he notices, knowing that taking care of it will become more time-consuming each day.
Once, Astarion would’ve thought this task tedious, brushing out hair that’s not his own, oiling and braiding it for no other reason than knowing his children enjoy him doing it.
But that’s why he loves doing it in the first place, he supposes.
Astarion can tell by his toddler’s heartbeat that sleep is about to claim her.
The half-eaten slice of apple is still clutched in her little fist as he cradles the child to his chest, slowly rising from the window seat to put her to bed.
He’s just about to lay the child down that the fruit drops to the floor, his daughter’s tiny hand clutching at his shirt instead.
“Thank you, papa,” she mumbles, more asleep than awake.
Astarion pauses.
He breathes in the clean, yet unique scent of the little girl that is forever engraved in his brain, the same way he knows under which exact constellation she was born. When she took her first steps, what her first word was. Soon, he will have to memorise her favourite colour, and what she likes to eat when dirty apples won’t be that appealing anymore.
By now, Astarion knows this game by heart, knows that with every year that passes, he has something new to learn about his children.
And sometimes he wonders what it’s like to grow up with clean bed sheets and full bellies. Sleep filled with naught but warmth and happy memories. Ever open doors and tears that are dried by tender kisses. Living in a house where mistakes and anger are welcomed, safe.
He wonders what it’s like for his children to know that their father’s love comes without conditions. Not now and not ever.
Sitting down on the bed, Astarion holds his youngest a little closer to his chest, unwilling to let go of her, yet.
He’s often accused of spoiling his children when most people can only just grasp the very surface of his love for them, the bare minimum of what he feels for his one and only, precious family.
These baseless accusations are as unimportant to Astarion as the people voicing them.
He’s raising his children to have standards, wants them to take their father’s love for granted, to accept nothing less but pure devotion.
It’s the only way Astarion knows how to love them, the only way that comes most naturally to him.
Astarion looks down at his little girl, now fast asleep, a gentle smile tugging at her lips.
After all these years—all these children—he’s still in awe watching them sleep in his arms as if no harm in the world could ever befall them.
And it won’t—not if Astarion can help it.
“No, thank you, my heart,” he whispers, pressing a kiss against the crown of the toddler’s head.
When it comes to his children, Astarion holds himself to the highest standard.
#astarion#baldurs gate 3#bg3#baldur's gate 3#dadstarion#astarion x tav#astarion headcanons#astarion x f!tav#baldur's gate astarion#astarion ancunin#to the best worst dad#astarion father of the year every year#emicha writes#idk how this turned out this long#I just put my daddy issues to work#I'm thinking about writing more casual one shot length pieces like this more often though#btw anyone else who only got real gold jewellery as a child?#having a grandma who told them fake jewellery isn't good for your skin?#and now that you're an adult you're left with a certain standard for jewellery but no money to actually pay for it?#because that's really funny ha!#I'll sleep better knowing the ancunin brood will just steal their jewellery even when they're not destitute
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