#I was dreading it the whole time
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HOW IS EPISODE FOUR WORSE THE SECOND TIME AROUND??
#sobs#I was dreading it the whole time#and it hit so hard#auuugh that episode#it’s so angsty#and the way it casts its shadow over the entire just GETS TO ME#*season*#that feeling of helplessness is palpable#and then the way ed changes that helplessness into power at the end#THE FEELS#I think the show is even better the second watch#just because I get to see all the foreshadowing and connections#welp guess I’m going to bed now#nothing like some intense angst before going to sleep right?#trin rambles#fma#fmab
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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etho said actually you _don't_ understand the intricacies of how tango is my boyfriend and bdubs is my ex
(and how tango and bdubs kiss too)
Scar: We went on that little adventure, you know! Etho: Yeah, yeah, we had our adventure, that's true, that's true. Scar: You disparaged your teammates. That's it, all right, no more spoilers. Etho: (laughs) Our team has -- our team has some weird dynamics this -- this season. Cleo: (overlapping) Really, Etho? Is there trouble in paradise? (pause) Who's third-wheeling with you, again? I can't remember. Etho: (laughs) Uhh. The -- Cleo: Genuinely can't remember. I know it's you and Bdubs. And...Tango? Tango. Tango. Etho: (loudly) Why -- Why is Tango the third wheel? Why -- why isn't Bdubs the third wheel? Cleo: Because it's you and Bdubs. I'm sorry. I understand how that relationship goes. Etho: (dissatisfied) Hmm.
#why is this what makes me post again#tangtho#etho#ethoslab#tango#tangotek#tango tek#bdubs#bdoubleo100#bangtho#< saw that in etho's comments. and. yeah#also consider that tango and bdubs were together first this series and etho is the third wheel#to the fucked up love hate thing they have going on#there's never been something more appreciating and adoring BUT biting each other as tangdubs#goodtimeswithscar#hermitcraft s10#wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#(Sorry but some people have ethubs blinders on but that's so much less interesting to me than the whole.#Yes bdubs is pathetic and will always be at etho's feet. and Yes etho will pity bdubs and want him protected.#but tangtho (!!!) has SO much more to play with...to Me.)#and Why is etho being a tango girl so under-noticed??? lmao. it's there to be noticed All the time#hot mic! hot mic!#but also lowkey dreading ep2 lmao#anyway I'll regret posting this lol#(also I see you asks in my inbox. sorry I haven't replied yet <3 re: s7 oh do I have thoughts! it's where it truly kinda began... I started#forming a reply to you back in May I think but I've been kinda averse to posting/participating in the fandom side for a while. sorry I#stopped being a good place for your tangtho snippets </3 I've still been watching and enjoying the streams and the tango etho joy continues#just haven't really felt like posting)
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Alternative ending:
As the one minute runs out Tampa screams. Mackenzie exclaims “Ah man! It would have been so cool if you were the one who survived.”.
Pan out to the bonus room, the girls are all huddled around an incomplete Janga tower, Knife is just laying next to Tabitha unamused and just glad that the girls are done treating her like a toy for now.
The girls had simply just been playing Dread the entire time. Mackenzie’s dad and brother’s come home and try and talk to the girls. Mackenzie just just gives them a half-assed wave and basically ignoring them.
“Let’s do another one!” Tabitha exclaims in excitement. “What should the story be?” Mackenzie asks. “Zombies,” Mary suggests, “With worms.” she adds. Tampa cringes, “That sounds gross.” she comments.
“Let’s do it!” Tabitha says.
#I refuse to except the ending#nothing bad happened to the girls#they were playing dread the whole time and that’s canon to me now#cameron saying dumb shit#smosh#smosh games#smoshblr#smosh vs aliens#smosh vs zombies#smosh dread
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You should stay away from me. I'm no longer with the gang. I didn't agree. Our boss already agreed four years ago. Pull over and let me out of the car. I'm your boss!
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 01 / Ep. 09
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userrain#userspicy#userjjessi#pdribs#*cajedit#*gif#again. INSANE that they opened the show with this and then were like. 'these are side characters' like. NO! (& wild how the finale was 90%#them being happy while zherui was getting stabbed. like. clearly the writers knew who the true main characters were lmaooo)#ok anyway i honestly really love the breath chen yi lets out once he gets the door shut. like. its real. its happening.#the RELIEF as well as the determination to have ai di for real in front of him again#and also insane that the first time they touch after four years is chen yi putting ai di's whole body over his shoulder#like. last time they touched was ai di touching chen yi's hair while he slept#does anyone else think about that. does anyone think about the fact that the last time they touched was when they slept together#does anyone else think abt what ai di is experiencing trying to keep chen yi from touching him#but also loving him for coming to pick him up from prison. do you think about the combination of ai di's desperation and dread#compared to chen yi's desperation and relief. like does anyone else think about the combination of gentle and rough or just me#i made half of this while on an airplane yesterday thats how insane for them i am <3
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#more ears under the cut#sprigatito#welcome to GENERATION NINE. the generation i've been dreading for the entire existence of this blog#it'll be alright. i'll find ways to get around any problems i might have. i'm pretty confident. i don't think it's gonna be as bad as the#dread tells me it's gonna be. like… look at this face! sprigatito has gotta be one of the best fuckin starters of all time#NOT TO MENTION it stands up!!! in its evolutions!! how great is that??#everyone was so mad but i was rooting for it the whole time. i was BEGGING this cat to stand up. AND IT DID!!!! AND I LOVE IT#IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL EVOLUTION TOO!!! the fucking magician aesthetic is STELLAR#i love it so much. holy fucking bingle. can't believe game freak popped off so hard with the FIRST pokémon in the paldea dex#they have such pretty eyes. i dunno why they're pogging but it's probably because we finally got to them
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I GOT ALL MY STUFF MOVED OVER TO THE NEW TABLET AND DIDNT LOSE ANY OF MY ART OR WIPS!!!!!
#y’all I was DREADING the whole time IM SO HAPPY#I had to wait for like FIVE HOURS?!!#it’s still finishing loading the rest of the apps#but all my stuff in procreate is there 🥹#💬 chy chatter 💬#gif
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Cuno should join Hardie boys in the future not RCM btw my unpopular hot take opinion thingie.
#disco Elysium#geym#harry and cuno art is cutee#but there is nothing happy in joining rcm i cant see anything but depression in cunos future if he becomes a detective#soo he should join Hardie boys they have their own problems but its actually very much better#like whole game it is already so fucked up playing as harry and seeing how being a cop is so miserable#and even with kim the good cop who trust the system so badly is miserable because he is a cop#and now you want me to believe cuno would be happy if he joins the rcm#plus Cunoesse i dont want her to be alone and her bestie being a pig#i really dont like rcm every time i interact with them with radio or in whirling its dreadful#martinese can be not so healthy environment but compared to rcm its just more hopeful and less dreadful actually#there is still small things in life that makes you happy there some freedom and hope#anyways tldr nooo cuno don't be a pig and hardie boys >>> rcm#now sleepy time for me
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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felassan really showed up in the solas memories like 'can't haunt the narrative if you ain't cute and intensely loveable' didn't he
#the fact that the dread wolf had a hotter more charming friend with better social skills next to him the whole time being lost to history...#a travesty. this is much funnier both for solas and for everything else going on#he's a nerd with an emotional support hotboi to do most of the interpersonal stuff and then he either killed him#or did something equally dumb and unforgivable to him. solas he's 70% of your impulse control what the fuck are you doing#you are so bad at talking to people if nothing else you need him so your personality won't alienate everyone you try to ally with#(deeply affectionate for the record solas is being sooooooo. himself in this game and it's infuriating but also inadvisably I love him)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#felassan
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I drew a mock screenshot... I have to make it look old. I have a scene of Tam and Kujo going through the goods of traders who came from far away, and they had a special shell from the sea that has the sounds of the waves in it (wink wink). I chose to draw it.
About Kujo's tooth, it has to do with worldbuilding- He has 2 more teeth to change. In the wider culture of this world, you are an 'adult' when you change all your baby teeth, which is usually completed by 13. It just happens to be the right age for someone to be considered responsible enough and starting to grow some maturity. Kujo can't wait to be a full grown man and be as strong as Junar, so losing that tooth is a huge moment for him :P He looks silly for that time but he's super proud of it and showing off the tooth gap to everyone. (Same with Tam. But he changes his teeth first.)
Here are some planning sketches. scanned then fixed up and coloured on CSP.
#personal project#paleolithic#Neanderthal#Tam#Kujo#I drew this but I am secretly *dying*#I have a runny nose and sore throat and an awful headache#but it didn't stop me from drawing#when I get out of the haze of sickness I will probably spot 20000 mistakes but... whatever#I just really wanted to see my imagination with my eyes even if it were a fraction of my vision for it#I was dreading the background but it was not bad drawing it. I had a good time and it turned out fine#I had a good time with the whole thing#:D
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do you consider your self made?
#my art#self portrait of sorts#been musing a lot on disability recently and how being relatively freshly unable to do Most Things has changed my perspective on things#for a long time growing up i was fixated on the idea of being An Impact On The World yknow? mainly the next Big Writer#(and that it would be sooo impressive that everyone would make my books bestsellers when i was only 12 because it was That Good)#and i mean. obviously that didnt work out as originally planned because i was 12 and learning. but I've felt a lot like#I've kind of built my sense of self on those big achievements. even if they were only big to me. and a lot of them#are now out of reach or very difficult to reach. and it's been a lot to. recontextualize#to take what ive been told my whole life and ignore it in favor of just being being enough.#things will happen as they happen. i havent earned anything by suffering but it hasnt ended the world either#im here doing what i Can do for as long as I'm able to do it. and thats all i need to be for now#just making sure that i Do do the things i can do rather than assume i can do them later#anyways. love you#cw:#top nudity#artistic nudity#the dreaded ambiguously presenting nipple#if you put any pro weight loss eating disorder shit on here ill kill you btw#my body is sexy because im in it and im still alive. not because its struggling to stay that way#lindwormposting
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I...I think I need to stop trying to upgrade my pets
#I'm sure there's some meta strategy out there for -12 dreaded but man#cursed pets#I do love adding to my weasel collection though#fallen london#flmp#mp#I have no clue what's going on in parabola so I'm just wandering around making poor choices#this whole time I've been like wow how can anyone get monstrous anatomy and then I maxed it in like 5 minutes#guess I can finally go back to doing the evolution story now
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#my birthday is in a few days and im kind of dreading it tbh#idk ive been stressing out abt it for a week now#i still dk what to do where to celebrate who im inviting if people even want to come and auguhyvtgh idk i hate it#bc my last bday wasnt all that exciting and i was just in my head the whole time#i felt like my friends only came there bc they felt forced to like i was just wasting their time and shit and augh idkkkjjjjiijj#i hate my birthday i wish it was just a normal boring ass day#whateverr i should b happy some people dont even get to celebrate their birthdays n shit#frambling...?
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If you're getting back into a portal kick and want something that has the same vibe while also being fresh and still Portal, I would recommend you check out the Portal 2 mod "Portal Stories: Mel". It's very good and takes place just before the events of Portal 2. You play as one of the athletes Aperture used in the early days who was testing out a cryostasis pod that no one remembered to set an alarm for.
I've played it! It was pretty good, I enjoyed the experience.
#ask me#anon#portal 2 set the bar impossibly high tbh. cuz every subsequent core companion has felt like a wheatley lookalike#there was also a wip map i saw a few years back where you play as an aperture employee DURING the seven hour war#and there's just this sense of dread that miles above on the surface a planet-altering war is taking place#i thought portal deskjob or whatever was a fun experience but not the direction i'd like the franchise to go into#far too goofy and unserious. also way too many people took it as canon instead of an au and started claiming that#“cave johnson never died! he's been a giant head the whole time!”
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"Just do as you're told," Mogget said firmly. "Think of yourself as Abhorsen's sworn sword-hand, if it makes you feel better, though in this present era, you'll find common sense is more important than honor. "Very well", Touchstone muttered, humbly. He stood up and put on the underclothes and shirt, but couldn't get the trousers past his heavily muscled thighs. "There's a kilt and leggings in one of the chests back there," Mogget said after watching Touchstone hopping around on one leg, the other trapped in too-tight leather."
if you, as an author, aren't introducing your male love interests like this, what are you even doing with your life?
(from Sabriel, by Garth Nix)
#garth nix you were so real for this#if you haven't read these books for context mogget is (for the moment) an untrustworthy talking cat#guess who's back on her old kingdom bullllllllshitttttttt#the chokehold this book still has on me#(i bought my son terciel & elinor for xmas and then i read it and then i wanted to re-read the whole series)#(loved it btw the abhorsens have such dreadful kuchiki energy)#(also did not expect sabriel's mom to have like 12 ranks in clowning and buffoonery but you know what? based)#touchstone is a real fixer-upper of a man but he is trash for sabriel and that will win me over every time#the time he went into a berserker rage and used it to run up a hill with her crushed to his tits. peak.#i have a TYPE okay?#i have two types actually and if i had a nickel for every time i get an otp out of it i'd have two nickels and i can live with that
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