#I wanted to be a good child SO badly
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pmdd has you crying in bed like "and the fact that I cry for like three days every month is another reason why no one will ever love me!!!"
patently ridiculous illness
#pmdd#I had a serious problem with emotional regulation when I was a child#probably because of poorly understood neurodivergence#but I cried about EVERYTHING all the time forever#I felt like literally anything that happened was the worst thing in the entire world#I was a small nervous dog all the time#and I was always convinced that there was this nebulous Awful Consequence that would happen if I wasn't perfect#so like I would lose at a game? cry. favorite movie wasn't on? cry. made a mistake on a test? cry. rules of a game changed? cry. and so on#I wanted to be a good child SO badly#the only time I was ever sent to the principal ever was because I was crying too much and it was disrupting my kindergarten class#and you can... probably guess how I reacted to that#anyway whenever I get these PMDD crying jags now it reminds me of this time when I was little#I came home SOBBING#and my parents were like oh no honey what happened#and I said I was crying because the kids were making fun of me for crying too much :')#it's that same circular logic#sobbing because I have the disease that makes you hate yourself and sob#and then hating myself more because of the sobbing#it's genuinely so fucking dumb#and there is that part of me that's like 'girl just go make a sandwich and calm down'#but you can't really rationalize yourself out of it huh
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to stay the same sad, sorry mother
#resident evil 7#resident evil 8#mia winters#rosemary winters#eveline re7#rose winters#resident evil#resident evil fanart#blood#do u guys ever think abt how insane the mia development is in such a good way. like being an alone single(ish) mother w a bioweapon baby#who just wants a family. then they kill that kid and they escape just to be doomed to the same life again. i dont think shed EVER view her#life w rose as punishment dont take it like that. but more so her life is a punishment to pay for her sins via the cycle of being given#everything back. just to end up with the same isolating issues she had in re7#her motherhood is so interesting!!! i think shed have a lot of complexities w it.. a balance of unconditional love out of fear of how badly#she messed up the first time. oh my goddd#i love herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr shes my fav re chara ever and like. all time top faves in general. i love her so much GRRRRRRRRRR#idc if this looks kinda ass n rushed but i had to put it down ^.^#a childs loving grip too LOL *goes insane*
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FL x reader where FL behaves like a guard dog around reader whenever they’re outside, so during the archon quest when he wakes up being taken to jail he sees the guards are taking reader to get questioned as well because on record it’s obvious that they’re very close, FL just starts hissing at the guard thats taking him away because he’s terrified they’ll do something to his precious beloved :(
i'm not crying you're crying ;-;;;;
oh, especially if you don't know why you're being questioned in the first place, only that some guards showed up to escort you to "somewhere private"- which ended up being a prison fortress. you're terrified at this point, knowing how odd and at times brutal Fontaine's judicial system is, and no one is telling you ANYTHING! they just keep pushing you down the hall and telling you that everything will be fine, they just need to ask you a couple of questions, and you can do nothing but keep walking forward, the cold air making you shiver- until you hear a screech from a few cells over
your eyes widen as your pace quickens, ignoring the guards' shouts for you to stop, and when you reach the cell you find yourself staring into the crystalline gaze of a very familiar Abyssal monster
Foul Legacy warbles when he sees you, whimpering and leaning into your touch as you do your best to wrap your arms around his neck through the bars of the cell, his tears cool and damp against your skin. the bars press into his armor, but he doesn't care, only seeking your voice and your touch to calm him, the corruption gnawing at his mind slipping into peaceful bliss... until the guards run up to you, firmly pulling you away, their hands on your shoulders as they lead you down the hall. you shout at them to let you go, to let you see him again, but it's like they're deaf to your pleas as well as Legacy's desperate wails behind them, and they lead you deeper into the cold, unyielding prison
unfortunately for them, they also don't hear the unmistakable shattering crack of metal breaking under claws and teeth
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#chit chat#anon#he got outtttttt hehehehehe#don't make Foul Legacy mad#especially when he's already dealing with a false charge and mood swings#oh i want to write a part two for this so badly#short scenario#other's stuff#FAVE#good evening :)
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Thinking about my boy
#aono kun#i want to hold aono kun so badly i could die#ryuhei aono#to be clear normal aono is my boy more than dark aono (yada yada how different are they yeah but their vibes are distinct enough for me)#but this screenshot was too good to ignore and I can appreciate dark aono for being a great unique antagonist#just a little freak who is scheming things but not very good at hiding that#but real aono the real costar of my heart- i need him to be happy by the end just as much as yuri#I do think his conflict with his dark side is interesting in how it reflects his trauma and everything I learn about his life#up to the present day breaks my heart#he didn't get a chance to grow up and make up for his mistakes he never got to be more than his mother's child#so I will forgive a little murder and possession as a treat#unless WEIRD REDACTED TWIST ends with him hurting Yuri for real bc she is the other costar#but yeah sad little man haunted by his trauma and goes 'don't worry about it' as he tries to be the ideal romantic partner until it all#comes crashing down all around him is very seasalt-core
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thinking about how one of the last things john ever tells dean is an admittance that the way he treated him was fucked. & of course this destroys dean and makes it so much harder for him to come to terms w his death right after and with his childhood in general bc he’s spent his entire life chasing after johns approval. he’s spent his entire life telling himself that the way he was treated was okay and justified and that their childhood was good because he could handle it and he was strong enough and that was how it had to be. he’s worshipped john as a hero and seen nothing wrong with any of it. because he’s had to. his entire life is built around this idea there’s nothing else. he’s his dads perfect soldier and punching bag and wife-replacement and suddenly his dads gone & he said he’s sorry and that he shouldn’t have treated dean that way. what the hell is he supposed to do now.
#augh. i don’t know i haven’t seen enough of this show yet but.#thinking about that episode with the abused kid who has psychic powers like sams and sam sees himslef in the kid a lot#but is horrified by the extent of the abuse and keeps saying like. Dean i never thought i’d say this but you’re right dad was pretty good i#guess we were really lucky to have him. it could’ve turned out a very different way.#and deans just like. idk there’s something about his face. like he wants to agree cause this is what he’s always saying but he Cant.#because. well. sams thinking about this kid with circumstances so similar to him who ended up entirely victimised by his father and#thinking Wow i had something that kid didn’t. i had MY dad who was so much better after all (despite kicking me out of the house and#always refusing to support me but wtv)#but really the thing sam had was DEAN.#dean as sam’s protector and john’s golden child and the adult of the family. dean as the person#john winchester comes home to after a hunt the person who tells him it’s okay#dean playing the part of his dead mom and still shielding sammy from the worst of their father and as a result internalising that this was#fine.#what the hell is he going to do now that his fathers dead? after his fathers dead and wrong and theoretically morally weak and admitted hed#raised dean badly?#IDK!!! i’m sure excited to see him continue to break down though#(have just finished s2e2 for future me ref)#supernatural#<- Sorry guys i’m batshit obsessed.#father by the front bottoms dean song of all time#spn#oliver talks
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Heddwyn "Wyn" Caldera is a freshman from Diasomnia. He's well known in alchemical circles for multiple revolutionary breakthroughs in the world of potions, the first of which he discovered at eight years old. Though invited to NRC last year at age thirteen, he waited a year before accepting a position at the school.
here he is my baby boy......!!!! been tossing this kid around in my head a lot lately and wanted to make a profile card for him to show him off to the world. imagine me as a proud parent and ive pulled this out of my wallet.
based off the black cauldron. both the movie and like. the cauldron itself. naturally he is good at potions. since the cauldron is essentially a mcguffin wanted by everyone the idea is that he's extremely good at what he does but is also pretty vulnerable to being used. he's also very stone-faced bc he's...... made of stone............ get it.............
template is from here!
#twst oc#twisted wonderland#his fave food is veggies bc i think being a 14yo boy who eats Spinch and Enjoys It is funny#im still turnign over his unique magic in my head........ i think the thing i initially wanted for him im keeping for his eldest brother#he and deuce get along well (he is a cauldron) but tbh i dont think he has many other friends#i think theyre parters in pe and i think he tries to tutor deuce in potions and i think both these things go badly. u kno how it is.#if he put as much effort into his magic as he did his potions hed be a prodigy there too. unfortunately he likes Stir and Brew.#doted on in science club. rook praises the shit he works on and he gets so excited and happy and trey is just glad theyre getting along#tbh i dont think trey realizes at first baby is literally world-famous hes just like. theres a kid in this club. ill be nice.#has a good rship with crewel overall tho theres always an odd line for him to walk btwn 'this person is a revolutionary genius at potions'#and 'this kid is fourteen and the most awkward child i have ever taught' u kno.#he ta's in the third years class sometimes. as you do#looks up to malleus and dislikes lilia (too playful/unserious for his tastes) respects silver a lot but finds sebek Very Rude#(they are seat mates)#OK THATS A LOT OF THOUGHTS FOR TAGS and i wnana lie down. think abt my baby please. ok goodnight#wyn stuff#how do you art
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To this day I believe wholeheartedly that JKR decided not to write Draco switching sides when offered by Dumbledore or asking Snape to help him switch sides, because she knew she’d write Draco and Harry falling in love with each other (intentionally/unintentionally). She would have a hard time writing them as the characters she created for them and not having feelings of care and understanding for each other. It would be simply impossible unless she obliviated them both lol.
#I said what I said#drarry#Harry Potter#Draco Malfoy#deathly hallows#bc like? hello they are fully obsessed with each other#and then literally can relate to each other so much#with the loneliness Harry feels by being the only person chosen to defeat Voldi#and loneliness Draco feels for being chosen to work for the dark side#not to mention not having any real friends#and being an only child#both of them act out of anger with their words and behaviour#Harry is prone to do more physical violence#where as Draco literally can’t#he can’t even properly be a good death eater#the only reason Draco becomes a death eater is to save his family and himself#the only reason Harry is doing his kill Voldi shit is bc he can’t let others die because he backed out#I believe no one can truly understand Draco like Harry does and vice versa#they know everything about each other#they can spot each other from far away#they can sense each other by footsteps or breath#???#They not only care for each other enough to keep on risking their own life and their friends and family#but also they are ready to do it again and again#they would bond so much if Draco was written as switching sides which literally is what should have happened with his character in canon#but JKR is a terf and a bad writer so she didn’t do it#my canon can be whatever I want as who cares about a badly written shit that a terf wrote?
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So far my experience reading North and South is 80% loving the descriptions, the characters, Mr. Thorton’s smile, the array of discussions set against such a bleak backdrop
And 20% is me yelling “yes, ok, we GET IT. EVERYONE LOVES FREDERICK OK.”
#Margaret: I’m grieving so badly I feel like I was just beginning to know my mother#Mrs. Hale up until her death: my boy. my sweet child. he’s never done a bad thing in his life. maligned by everyone. he’s a good good man.#a great man even. he was so sweet and beautiful and precious as a baby. I love him so much I miss him I want him here.#I don’t care if it’s worth his life I need my good pure precious handsome brilliant son.#also Margaret you were an ugly child.#(don’t get me started on Dixon. but even Thornton is like ���alas who is that SUPER ATTRACTIVE MAN Miss Hale is standing with’#so far Fred’s only flaw is being Roman Catholic#and they’ve already got Mr. Hale the dissenter so#2023 reading list#North and South#Elizabeth Gaskell
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one reason i’d like to rewrite it a little is that . i didn’t explore the relationship between royalty!reader and the king as much as i wanted to …. there’s a lot of Lore there but it’s rlly hard to implement since basically everything is from reader’s pov lmao
#maybe if i snuck in a part where reader talks abt their mother .#but like . i don’t think they understand the king as well as they assume#there’s a lot there that explains why they’re basically trapped in the castle as a bastard child (while Still being told they’ll rule the#kingdom some day)#idk i just think . i could make it a good deal longer#i want that fic to be my masterpiece rlly rlly badly so updating it like . once a year would be fun right ??#it’s almost been a year since i wrote it so …#ari noises ✩
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Fuck it. Headcanon that Killua "stole" Gon's nen. Sealed it tight as fuck. Threw it at the bottom of the Dark Continent. Gon should have had it back after Nanika healed him. But Killua thought "nah Gon will probably just sacrifice himself again when he loses his cool" so Killua said fuck it and asked Nanika to put a padlock on Gon so he doesn't fuck up his life again. That's the reason Killua left Gon without worrying what Gon might do again. Gotta separate Nanika and Gon so Gon may never figure out why he's back to "ordinary" and will never find a way to get his nen back unless he finds another creature like Nanika which Killua is fairly sure is next to impossible. Gon is gonna be so angry when he finds out.
#Killugon#Gonkillu#Gon Freecss#Killua Zoldyck#Nanika and Alluka Zoldyck#Chill this is only a headcanon#you fuckers are so lucky I'm not Togashi#or I will fuck up this ship so badly#I love this ship but guess what I love angst and fucked up love even more#It's not impossible for Killua to want to put a safety child lock on Gon okay#Twice did Gon lost his arm in a fight you can't tell him he won't abuse his nen again if he had it back#Like maybe he watches Killua get threatened and gets mad again#You think Killua will want Gon to make another sacrifice like he did to kill Pitou?#nah paranoid overprotective Killua will not give Gon any chances#Good luck undoing Nanika's curse Gon#anyway I think Gon can find a way to become a powerhouse even without nen abilities
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no im still on maffhew calling the forsymaffhew lovechild a missile
#txt#missile#i have also learned ive mispronounced missile all my life at least in american terms#wdym you guys dont say mis-AISLE#the culmination of living in city where we're all 1st/2nd gen immigrants whos primary language at home is not english#anyways male equivalent of rocket... missile#sorry my queer mind can't understand that#my gender is when we played house in 2nd grade i didnt want to play because i had to be mom or dad and i went well im only playing if i get#to be like the family dog and they all got nervous because that felt mean and the teachers would scold them#and i was like nah its fine check this shit out (runs around and barks)#my gender is when the classroom got seperated into boys and girls i staunchly refused and insisted i be in my own group as a joke and#everyone was okay w that because it was the height of lolz so random! and i was the poster child for that so naturally yeah thats#charming and cute yeah tumblr user ratatatastic you can have your own group and that was the class joke and it never felt mean because#it was a small sheltered school and weve all know eo since we were like in daycare#my gender is hey i volunteered at a pride festival and ive always struggled with expressing any sort of femininity and bristled pretty#badly because it gets beat into you and after the pandemic i chilled out a lot after sitting with it and this is all to say#i got partnered with a brazilian guy because i was the only one who spoke spanish on shift at the time and while he spoke 3 languages#(eng esp por) sometimes he struggled with how to say something and changed languages like he was channel surfing which was refreshing#because i do the same thing so it was this weird culmination of both of us code switching heavily and acting as translator for eo anyways#this is all to say when i toddled in no one really knew what to make of me pronoun wise and what he decided to do instead of just ask me#like a normal person he just he/him'd me and then proceed to call me good girl in the exact same sentence and i laughed about it at the time#proceeded to file it at the back of my head for when i got home so i could despondently stare at a wall for 5 hours of what exactly that#entails about me and why it didnt bother me at all and i was like huh the panic never stops thats fun you can just have random revelations#even when youre an old dog in the game at 23 and known your gender fucker wuckery since you were like 12 like oh great#conclusion is that i dont know why god sends me his toughest battles im a crybaby AND a whiner LIKE PICK SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY#anyways hehe missile#sorry we lost the thread here
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tanaaj is such a tragic character "i do everything right nobody has ever been as good or correct about the rule of saint leah as i am. unrelated but why do i feel so bad and guilty and lonely all the time?" well for starters you live in fully automated luxury catholicism so that's gonna contribute to the issue for sure
#'ive never hoarded anything in my life not even my child!'#tragically you were not taught that love is not a finite resource that has to be equally distributed to everyone in the world#in case it runs out#this is a FASCINATING book. and i'm also reading cultish the language of fanaticism at the same time#so it's like. wow none of you people are escaping the systematic self-destruction in pursuit of the nebulous holy! good luck !!#infact. i think i kind of hate this book. in a way where having seen much of religious fanaticism#i get viscerally uncomfortable reading leah and tanaaj. like i CANNOT talk to them and take apart their reasoning. on account of#they're in the book and i'm just reading it. but i want to SO badly#the actual star#i dont hate it . it's really good. it's just an extremely demanding read for me i guess#what if the utopian communist future still had sin and fundamentalism. and Cancel Culture enshrined into the mutual aid network#i just read the bit where tanaaj has to sit vigil with this dying sedente woman. and she is SO MAD. at this elderly lady for...#staying in one house all her life and loving a partner enough to forgo social convention to live with them? raise a child together?#and tanaaj is like. she was HOARDING. this small location. and those two people. thank GOD her child saw the light and left home at 16#meanwhile there's nothing to imply the old lady wouldn't have happily shared her area with any travelers coming through#tanaaj is just fundie. and reading her perspective makes me soooooo insane#she also manages to be transphobic in a genderless nonbinary bodymod future. where everybody has a dick and a vag.#she gets mad about people who only want one set of genitals or want to reorganize their sex characteristics. in Unorthodox Ways#meanwhile halfway across the world but getting closer niloux is like. my girlfriend is a transwoman on purpose in genderless bodymod world#and she is also your ex girlfriend. probably on account of your insanity. i can see where i walked in past lives and it's real
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so... i've been thinking about auriel again because i actually did have an account for her once upon a time (just on another platform) + all i can remember is doing this roleplay on there with barton immediately asking the person whom told him they saw her was whether she was okay because she had went missing with no trace for years after all. and additionally, this was also while shedding tears like there was NO tomorrow, which is 😭 like he isn't a good person, y'all, but he does have his moments where it actually seems like he genuinely cares about people
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#and to expand on this i'm going back to the point that i believe i stated a long time ago about barton being confusing at times#i mean as a character OFC because he did things like take jack julien and ben in without expecting anything in return from them#man's just spotted jack and julien in particular after they'd been abandoned by their foster parent + he saw themselves in them a#little bit because at a very young age he went from having one person in his life to having none. and barton himself knows that his dad was#a POS while he was alive but he wanted so badly to be loved by him even though wesley usually never gave him the time of day#if he wasn't actively being barton's ab*ser and this made his feelings towards wesley more complicated than one could explain even#though he KNOWS that what wesley did to him was wrong and he should absolutely hate his dad for what he did to him.#it's just that barton felt abandoned by his mother + so he poured himself into his relationship with his dad BC he was all he had#if that makes any sense buttt yeah. barton taking in those two was an arguably good thing though i know that barton is certainly not#the best caretaker to say the least they wouldn't have survived on their own. and barton trying to be a better person (albeit with mixed-#results) for marcy also showed that he was willing to sacrifice some thing's for her but barton is ultimately like. the worst-#whenever it comes to impulse control + he had this bloodlust in him that was there since at least his teenage years partially#because of everything he'd seen ans went through as a kid with the other part being on him OFC BC taking responsibility is something#you've got to do no matter what but GAHHH. yeah i just... i'm thinking about my angel girl today even though she ain't a literal angel#she could just manifest wings out of her own blood or someone else's because she can make constructs out of it (blood)#tw: blood#tw: child abandonment#tw: child abuse#tw: unhealthy family dynamics.
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i’m gonna be so for real, if things don’t start changing for me in good ways i will be disappearing off the face of the earth
#Rasp Rambles#vent#my mental health is already in a shitty state and i am already considering multiple different ways to end my own fucking life#suicide mention#like i’m genuinely hanging on by the thinnest fucking thread only because i have friends that care about me. i don’t want any of them to be#sad about me dying. i’d say the same for my family but i don’t they ever have really given a shit about me so what does it matter.#i’ve been forced to be the perfect; quite child my entire fucking life and that was never good enough. i had to be kind and respectful#even though none of the adults in my family ever really were that to me. and the ones who were didn’t stay that way for long. it truly#sucks so fucking badly that i can’t get away from any of them. i don’t have a job because mental health issues; some physical health issues#and my lack of drivers license and car. i can’t financially support myself. i never get to fucking leave the house and go anywhere but the#store or my grandparent’s house with my mom and sister. i have ONE irl friend who i’m not even sure considers me a friend because#we haven’t gotten to hang out much since i graduated in 2023. i have practically no fucking support system in the physical world.#i don’t get to do fun things i enjoy that aren’t internet related besides drawing. but artblock and general depression are doing their#damn best to prevent me from even enjoying the creative process at all. one may think its difficult to feel lonely when you’re living in a#house with at least one other person but its fully fucking possible apparently. for me at least. i really wish my mom would actually get me#a therapist or psychiatrist i can see in person but we all know that’ll never fucking happen because again; she doesn’t fucking care enough#to make any actually helpful attempts to get me medicated for whatever the fucks going on in this stupid head of mine.#sorry for being incredibly fucking depressed and mad at 3am. it will happen again unfortunately for all of us.
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i find it very interesting youve never shared the username of the og callout poster 🤔🤔🤔
There's actually a few reasons for that.
1: I literally do not even remember their username at this point, and I don't wanna go digging through my blocks to find it.
and 2: I am not a wilfully ignorant piece of shit, and I know that dropping someone's username in any capacity when airing a grievance is a sure-fire way to get them harassed, whether that's my intention or not.
Also they pretty rapidly proved they're not above cyberstalking, as they hunted down my twitter account (and possibly others), so on the off chance they are still stalking my accounts 3 years later (Gods I fucking hope not, like get a fucking life if you are, holy shit), I don't wanna give them any further fodder to try and paint me like some kind of monster.
They made some truly heinous, and vile false accusations about me, but that doesn't mean I think they deserve to be a victim of the mob they tried to sick on me.
#the callout post used to be the first thing that popped up when you'd search my username#so while I wasn't freely sharing their username it also wasn't exactly the hardest thing to find#but that's the risk you take when you drop someone's username in a callout post#people will be able to find you by searching for who you called out#there's not really anything *I* can do about that#according to a work friend it is now a different follow-up callout post that comes up#but it's a callout post that was in response to the original callout post#so it's all ammo from the same slander#I've mentioned before that I don't know what happened to the og#they either took it down themself#or tumblr did 'cause I reported it and I'm sure a few other people did too#they posted badly censored versions of my art they claimed was CSEM in that post#which means they either fully comprehend that shotacon is *not* CSEM or they're fully willing to share *actual* CSEM#I am not the worse person here no matter how you look at that#like hate shota all you want but being fully willing to share with your followers what you truly believe to be CSEM is never a good look#if you truly believed I committed the crime of exploiting and abusing a child by making that artwork then why tf are you sharing it?#distribution (even censored) is a crime too you dumbass#so again they 100% know that shota is not the same as CSEM and they're watering down terms to prop themselves up and make me look worse#or they fully willingly shared something they believed to be CSEM which is a crime#neither of those are good things
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ultimately my enjoyment is hampered because it is low key sexist bc it takes place in an alternate universe where Sigmund Freud is real. though I did still like it for the most part but I hate Sigmund Freudddd Utena better
#Btw noril don’t read these tags there are spoilers#like idk id have to think abt it more maybe talk abt it with someone else#like does this overall criticize or reinforce gender roles slash heterosexuality#bc like shinji clearly is not the ideal of masculinity and I don’t think that’s seen as a bad thing bc its not like toji’s personality#is seen all that positively either#+ obviously shinji not being a stone cold murderer like gendo wants is a good thing lol#and shinji is straight up into kaworu obviously#but there are a lot of counter examples as well#also I think the adult female characters are all undermined by their sexuality#like ofc gendo and the other old bitch whose name I forget are motivated by their love for yui#but they are stone cold about it. I don’t want to see ritsuko break down crying abt how gendo doesn’t love her dawg#to the point where she is choking out rei being jealous of a child#I think to some extent the show is aware of there being a power imbalance between men and women but even if its treating the#Female characters as distinct individuals worthy of success I think it is a) victimizing them b) claiming there is an inherent unchanging#biological basis for all of these things#pitying of women rather than having contempt for them lol#the only mentally stable person is kaji#you could also say ofc that the 4 main characters who are the most miserable and traumatized#have special attention given to how emotionally broken they are bc they are especially scarred not bc they are women#since obviously shinji is there <I think he’s a trans girl anyway but we are talking abt authorial intent#but I think the way they are treated and the nature of their problems especially asuka and misato is highly highly gendered#not a bad thing inherently since obviously their gender impacts their life#but it does feel less like bc they are a woman society treats them badly#and more like bc they are a woman they are weaker and more emotional and easily hurt. or more emotional about how they are hurt#and shinji is like them bc he is particularly weak#I’ve only seen the show not the movie or rebuilds but him being the only one to resolve his arc positively#asukas mom killing herself over a man ritsuko and her mom and misato self destructing over men#<made worse bc they are grown women so theoretically more mature but since they are susceptible to sexuality they are weaker#than even the female children#‘it’s sad that men have all the control but men will always have all the control’ it feels like. idk thoughhh
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